#I like this community and I like talking about my interests and reading posts about stuff I like on here
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Heading Straight to You [ Elucien ]
Inspired by @washmchineheart elucien post here. I went a little nuts in the tags again and needed to write it out. A little Bridgerton-inspired Elucien, if you will! I hope you all enjoy it :)
Genre: Angsty/Romance | Masterlist | AO3
shoutout to @zenkindoflove for letting me talk it out with you :)
Gods, Elain had never been so angry in her life.
He had sent her a letter.
A letter.
The nerve of it made Elain snarl under her breath as she stomped towards his humble abode in the Night Court, her anger increasing with each step she took; she was glad Feyre had the foresight not to ask questions when Elain had stormed out.
Elain wasn’t foolish. Did she even have a right to be this angry? Probably not and yet she was simmering with rage.
She knew she hadn’t made things easy for him. Hadn’t really given him too much of a chance to get to know her. But she had been trying.
Yes, she was still hesitant and careful and awkward around him. With everyone watching their every move, how could she not be!
But for him to send her a letter? A letter! As if it would be so easy to answer such a question. As if he couldn’t even dignify her with a face-to-face conversation.
Elain was in front of his home and pounding on his door faster than she expected.
Lucien opened the door with a mildly confused expression until he saw that it was her standing before him and carefully arranged his features.
Elain could only hold up the letter, fuming at his calm demeanor.
“I see you received my letter.”
“How dare you.” she spat.
Lucien narrowed his eyes before silently stepping back and opening his door further, gesturing with his hand for her to come in. “A note with your answer would have sufficed.” he said blandly. “You didn’t have to come all this way to break the news to me.”
Elain didn’t move from his doorway. “Is this some kind of joke?”
Lucien lifted a brow at his mate, a muscle flexing in his jaw before he answered, “Why would it be a joke?” he asked. “Is there something about my letter that was unclear?”
“You sent me a letter.” she snapped.
“Yes.” he said again in that bland tone that Elain wasn’t used to and did not appreciate. “Though I fail to understand why you seem so upset by it.”
“You’ve barely spoken to me in the last few weeks and instead of trying to have a conversation about this in person, you sent me a stupid letter asking me that?”
Lucien watched her as she watched him, noting how his grip had tightened on the doorframe. “Why would I seek you out when the moment you know I’m in the city you hide away or make an excuse to avoid me?” he asked curtly. “I’ve been polite about it enough, I think.”
He stood before her, dressed impeccably as always, his expression now stoic like he hadn’t sent her a devastating question to answer. It made her want to throttle him.
Elain scoffed then opened the letter, gripping it tightly as she read it aloud,
My lady,
As you may have noticed, the communication between us has continued to dwindle and at this point, I will not continue to delude myself into thinking you have any interest in seeing what could be between us. I have given you as much grace as I can extend, but I am reaching a limit that is impacting my own well-being. Please know that I understand we do not owe each other affection but I had thought we at least owed each other a conversation to see if we could be, at the bare minimum, friends. You don’t seem inclined to want that and as such, I am sending you this letter to ask you a question that will release us both from this limbo we’ve been left in.
Do you wish to sever the bond between us? If so, please let me know. A simple yes will be enough.
Regards,
Lucien Vanserra
“Regards!” she snapped. “This is not the kind of thing you ask someone via letter.”
“Again, you’ve never stayed in the same room long enough for me to ask for a conversation.”
Elain flushed. He was right, of course. She couldn’t really deny that this was one of the things she was stubborn about.
And at first, she was overwhelmed. And sad. And trying to find herself again. Now…now? She wasn’t even sure. She was nervous. Embarrassed. Lost.
He worked his jaw as she glared at him then gestured again to his home. “Would you like to come inside and discuss this?” he asked. “I don’t think this is the kind of conversation we should be having where we could be overheard.”
Elain scoffed and moved past him, shoving the letter to his chest as she stomped into his living room and tried not to think about the brief contact she made with his chest.
She wouldn't think about that at all when he was asking her to cut ties.
“You care if people overhear us but are fine to send this in a letter.”
“And?” he asked, his tone sharper than it had ever been with her as he joined her in his living space. “I’m happy to give you an additional night if you’d like to think about it but given the way you’ve actively avoided me for years and barely speak in my presence, I would’ve thought you’d be jumping for joy at the chance to say yes.”
“Oh, and you know me so well to anticipate what kind of responses I would give you?” She asked, her tone veering on a sneer that she had never heard herself use.
“Considering you act as though I’m a parasite here to infect you, I made an educated guess based on the very loud thoughts you yell my way from the noose of a thread wrapped around our throats.”
Elain pursed her lips, the angry flush on her cheeks deepening. “So you admit it’s a burden and not a gift?”
“It is a gift but if you don’t wish to see it that way, I am not a male who forces his company on anyone and I am sick of waiting for you to grow a spine and request to cut the ties between us.” he snapped quietly. “You toy with me and my time. One day you grant me a moment of your company, the next you pretend I don’t exist. You may think I’m a statue with no emotions but I can assure you, my lady, I can only tolerate so much. This has gone on long enough.” Elain watched him with narrowed eyes as he adjusted his stance, his gaze burning a hole through her body. “So I’ll ask you again, do you wish to sever this bond between us?”
Elain felt her body heat and if she could burst into flames she would.
Yes, she’d been resistant. Yes, she’d avoided him.
But gods, he really had no idea.
She had been human. She was going to be married and had a whole life planned out. She wouldn’t have these powers that she had no control over. She wouldn’t have these nightmares of being kidnapped in the middle of the night. Her brain wouldn’t have to keep reliving the horrors of the cauldron. She wouldn’t have to keep pretending she was fine.
It wasn’t even him that was the problem. It was everything else. It was her life being snatched from her. It was her choices being stripped away as a casualty for a war she had nothing to do with.
It was that he had been nothing but polite to her since they met despite her avoidance.
It was that this bond made her hate herself for staying away from him because every fiber in her body only urged her to go to him instead.
“You think it is so easy to sever this bond?” she hissed, glaring at him. “I’m not a fool – I understand the consequences that would follow such an action. I won’t be responsible for what happens to you.”
“Don’t pretend you’re worried about me, my lady. If I am to lose my mind at the expense of you being free from the shackles that tie you to me, I will do it.” he snapped. “If only to stop feeling like a beggar for scrapes at your feet.”
“I never asked you to wait.”
“Your problem is that you barely speak to me, much less ask for anything.”
“Well I never asked for this!”
“And I never asked for you.”
Elain recoiled like he’d slapped her and a pregnant silence filled the room. She could only stare at him and her chest suddenly ached.
He’d never taken such a tone with her. Then again, she’d barely allowed him to converse with her.
Elain worked her jaw, the thundering of her heart pounding in her ears and all her senses couldn’t help but focus only on Lucien. The scent of him. The way his gaze bore into her, his mechanical eye clicking as they faced each other.
She could resist him all she wanted, but Elain had always known that whatever her fate was, it would always find her and Lucien Vanserra had been her fate since the Cauldron spat her out to start this new life.
They orbited around each other enough that Elain knew no matter what she said or did, she knew exactly who would haunt her thoughts the moment she lay in her bed. She could ignore him all she wanted but thoughts of her mate would consume her every moment.
“For someone that doesn’t want me, you certainly don’t act like it.” she breathed and she had never seen the expression of disdain on his face aimed towards her as he scoffed.
“For the record my attempts to connect with you is what trying looks like. It is you who does not want me.” he retorted. “I have done nothing but give you space as I expressed interest in getting to know you at your own pace time and time again. It is you who has never taken a moment to even see if whatever this is between us is worth exploring. And now I am sick of waiting.” He took a step towards her, anger radiating off every inch of him. “So answer me.”
“Do not demand things from me when it could –.”
“Answer the question and free me from this torment.”
“Free you?” she bristled and took a step towards him. “You think it’s torment for you? You think I want you to feel this way? Do you think I want to feel this way?”
“And what way is that, Elain?” he hissed and the sound of her name from his lips nearly made her shudder.
“You think I want to be consumed by you? Sensing your every move?” she breathed. “You think I want to think about your arms holding me at one of the most traumatizing moments of my life? You think I want to think about how the sound of your heartbeat has been the only way I can allow myself to sleep? You think I want to think about how overwhelmed I become with your scent that if I don’t remove myself from the room immediately, I’ll do something reckless that I know I’ll regret?”
“Oh? And what reckless action is that?” he sneered. “If it’s a stab to my throat, you’d only be putting me out of my misery.”
“Do not pretend that severing this bond will change anything about the way your presence clouds my judgment and jumbles my every thought.” she snapped. “Do you think there is a single corner of this land you could go to that wouldn’t feel like you’re taking my very breath with you? Do you think distance would free me from the torment that being around you is?” Elain closed the distance between them and jabbed her finger into his chest. “You – you – you are the curse of my fae existence and despite all my resistance – you – you –” She took a shaky breath as she stared at him, the confession she’d been so desperate to keep secret slipping from her lips, “Are the object of all my deepest longings.”
Her lips trembled as she watched his hands slacked at his sides, his expression falling into surprise but Elain couldn’t bring herself to say anything else.
How could she make him understand?
Love was something Elain had always craved. The courtship. The romance. The yearning.
If the circumstances had been different – if she had met Lucien before Graysen – the idea of a soulmate was exactly what she wanted. Feyre had explained it to her so well and mates was something a hopeless romantic like her would’ve waited for. Would’ve craved. Someone who was her equal. Someone who saw her and loved her, flaws and all.
Instead, Elain had been a human girl who had fallen in love with a human man who threw her to the side the moment she no longer fit the mold he needed her to. She held on to their short-lived romance, to that engagement as a way to keep the last shred of her humanity in any way that she could. She could hide her ears and fight against her visions. She could resist this bond as long as she could.
But her fingers were bloodied and bruised from how hard she was holding on to something that wasn’t meant for her. She had been trying to shove the door closed on Lucien for years and the door refused to shut. Whenever Elain tried to approach him and see if there was something there, it scared her. It terrified her to feel the way the thread at her ribcage tugged her towards him. To know that everything she’d had before was a waste.
And now she had confessed just how much he affected her and her cheeks flushed at the shell-shocked silence between them. She had stunned him into silence and had just opened her mouth to spew more at him when a feral look overtook his face and Lucien leaned closer to her as if he couldn’t resist being in her space.
“You think you don't haunt my every waking moment?” he growled and Elain’s brows narrowed, her expression hardening at his tone. “Do you think I have known peace since I've met you? If I am the curse of your existence, you are the catalyst that blew up my life and yet— I can do nothing but yearn for you.” Elain felt her chest rise and fall rapidly as he seemed to breathe her in, barely any space between them. She watched as he worked his jaw, glancing down at her lips then meeting her gaze again before saying, “If I am the object of your longings, know that you have infiltrated my every breath – my every thought and I have never been so thoroughly intoxicated by anyone the way I have been by you. And I can do nothing but let myself drown by it.”
A heart beat of silence passed. Then another.
And Elain felt hot and cold at the same time as a heated silence enveloped them and she couldn’t help but stare at him, taking in his features so up close, even as anger stood between them. She licked her lips as she stared at him and watched as his eyes flashed, the flush spreading to her neck.
Was there a point to her resistance then? He clearly had no qualms the way she did but –
But Elain was sick of thinking and overthinking. She was sick of it all.
How dare he ask her that question then proceed to confess such feelings to her?
Lucien’s lip curled, despite the stain of red on his cheeks. “Is there something else you’d like to spew –”
“Shut up.” she snapped and before she could stop herself, Elain yanked him by his tunic and pulled him down to press her lips to his.
The very air between them came to a halt and it was like the world had tilted on its axis.
Their kiss was an eruption of fireworks – a dam that was now flooding and the very blood in her veins was singing. Lucien seemed to hesitate for a breath then his hands immediately wrapped around Elain’s waist and she allowed an arm to slide around his neck, pulling him even closer as the kiss deepened.
And it came to her with alarming clarity exactly how foolish she had been the last few years.
She had been holding on to the idea of what Graysen had given her when kissing him was nothing compared to Lucien’s lips on her now.
He was the light – he was the sun and Elain felt her body glow as she sank quickly into his flames as every inch of her craved more, more, more.
His kisses were just as hungry as hers, soft noises slipping from her before she could stop them and her embarrassment was only soothed by Lucien’s matching groans. Before either of them could stop, Lucien had Elain pressed against him as he lifted her and turned swiftly to seat her on his dining table and she let him. She let him stand between her legs, her dress riding up as he leaned even closer, every inch of their bodies touching as his mouth caressed her lips in kisses, nipping, and biting in a way that told her he wanted to imprint his lips on hers and gods, did Elain want him to.
Elain was nearly clawing at his back with how tightly she was gripping him as he stole her breath away and she wondered if she had ever actually experienced passion before this moment.
“Stop – thinking –” he demanded between kisses, his hand sliding to the back of her neck and squeezing gently.
“I’m not –”
“Don’t you –”
“Lucien –”
His lips mapped out a path from her jaw down her neck with a swiftness that made Elain’s breath stutter and she wanted more – more that he provided her with when his lips found hers again in a searing kiss that had her seeing stars.
She felt that tug of fate between them. She felt that magic.
Elain’s hands traced his muscled back, tugging on strands of his hair as he stole more and more kisses. She didn’t know what to do with herself but let him – she let him take what she’d been so reluctant to give and Elain – gods, she felt and wanted and needed –
A crash startled them both to a halt and they turned as one to find the source of the noise – a vase lay shattered on the floor.
Elain blinked at the sight of the familiar flowers that had scattered. Those were from her garden.
And it was like a bucket of cold water had poured over her when she glanced back at Lucien, both of them breathing hard.
She could only watch him and think about the feeling of his lips on hers, the way his tongue had tasted hers, and the way his hand was touching her skin.
She could only think about her flowers in his home and her expression shuddered as her heart began thumping so loudly. She had been so angry with him and yet she’d been the one to grab him and – embarrassment suddenly coursed through her and she fought to keep her expression from falling.
As always, he seemed to sense the change in her emotions and his expression shifted as he slowly released her and carefully assisted her to slide off the table without looking at her. Her pulse fluttered nervously as she watched him back away a step, taking a deep breath and Elain quickly straightened herself, running a hand through her hair. She licked her lips, feeling the ghost of him.
“Well.”
Lucien stole a glance at her and she watched as he shook his head and turned away from her, his fists clenched at his sides. “I’m sorry.” he said tightly and Elain’s brows furrowed.
“For what?”
Without looking at her, he gestured around helplessly. “You may have initiated it but I allowed it and it’s in exact contradiction to the question I wanted an answer for.” he muttered. “I am a gentleman but I fear that whatever shred of sanity I am holding on to is hanging by a thread around you.”
Elain bit the inside of her cheek, observing the way he was holding himself. She was sure he felt the way their bond was taut at their proximity, in the aftermath of their kiss.
A kiss she would surely be thinking about more later.
“I’d think what just happened would answer your question.” she finally allowed herself to say and Lucien half turned towards her.
“You say that but how do I know you won’t go back to avoiding me?” he asked. “How do I know it meant anything more than a moment of curiosity for you?” Lucien turned away from her again, tension lining his back. “Anger brought you here. Anger I’m not sure I even understand. I only ask that you don’t toy with me. Please.”
The embarrassment that had washed over her earlier was nothing compared to how she felt now. How it felt to feel his own embarrassment and discomfort sit in the air between them.
Had she really been that cruel? Had she been so self-absorbed that she hadn’t taken that much time to consider what all of this had done to him?
She frowned. Elain wouldn’t deny it had crossed her mind but Lucien had always done a decent job of keeping his emotions in check around her that she didn’t…feel the need to dig deeper. She was stuck in her head, worrying about herself enough that she didn’t try to venture outside of her own struggles.
She’d been too busy pretending she was okay.
Shame coiled in her chest and she felt her shoulders droop.
“I’m not trying to make you feel bad about yourself.” Lucien said quietly, his back still to her. “I just…can’t keep doing this. This limbo will drive me more crazy than severing a bond ever could. Especially now…now that I know what you taste like.”
Elain’s hands tightened in the folds of her dress and she suddenly felt the urge to cry. Gods, she really had been thoughtless in coming here. She had been angry that he wanted to sever a tie that she herself hadn’t tried to explore further. Out of fear. Out of cowardness. Out of sheer stubbornness.
Did she just assume he’d lie in wait for her? Who was she to drag someone along in such a way? She hadn’t asked for this but neither had he and Lucien had been more patient with her than most would be.
He knew how she felt. He could probably sense more about her mental state than anyone else could and maybe that was what terrified her so much.
But it certainly didn’t excuse her choices.
A heart beat of silence passed then Elain swallowed and finally whispered, “You’re right.” She took a breath then added, “I’m sorry.”
Lucien seemed to stiffen and she watched as he clenched his hands at his sides then unclenched them. “Is that your answer then?” he asked quietly.
Her heart dropped. “No!”
Lucien turned around to face her with furrowed brows. “Then what are we doing, Elain?”
She licked her lips again and curled a strand of hair behind her ear. “I – I don’t know.” she answered and knew she couldn’t be anything but honest with him as he watched her, his gaze burning through her.
“Then tell me why you came here. Tell me why my letter made you angry.”
She pursed her lips and her throat bobbed. Again, she forced herself to be honest.
“Despite your belief that I only avoid you – which I did for a while, I don’t deny that –” Elain began slowly. “I had been slowly working my way up to reaching out to you for a few weeks. I was – am hesitant about it because of the time that has passed between us.” She glanced at him and her cheeks flushed further at his gaze. “Your letter came and caught me by surprise.”
“Did you think I would wait around forever?” he asked softly and though his tone wasn’t accusatory, Elain felt the shame sit heavily on her chest.
Her fingers tightened again in the folds of her dress. “No.” she answered. “You have no obligation to do so.”
“No, I don’t.” he answered carefully and Elain tried not to let herself deflate at the turn the conversation had taken.
“I – I understand.”
“Do you?” he said with a strained laugh. “Because I don’t.”
She bit her lips and flushed deeply when he squeezed his eyes shut and took a breath. “Now you understand how I feel.” she whispered. “How my brain behaves when it comes to you. I am lost and confused and embarrassed and I – I –” Elain looked away from him, her hand on her throat as she fought the onslaught of emotions. “I am overwhelmed.”
“Why?” Lucien asked gently.
“Because you’re supposed to be my soulmate but to me, love is a choice and I didn’t choose this.” she confessed and Lucien blinked then blinked again.
“I understand why it doesn’t feel like a choice.” he began then tilted his head observing her. “But what we do with the mating bond is a choice. We choose to accept it. We choose to adjust it. We choose to – to sever it. We can choose to make it whatever we want.”
It was Elain’s turn to blink as Lucien continued with a small, albeit sad smile. “It only requires a conversation.”
Elain suddenly felt the urge to vomit right all over his lush carpet. “Fate doesn’t feel like a choice.” she whispered and the beating of her heart seemed to increase as his gaze softened on her.
“I’ve always found that fate is what you make of it and that is always the right choice.” he replied.
A sense of unexpected relief seemed to wash over her at the understanding that now sat between them. She hadn’t known what to expect when she made her way over to him. Her irrational anger had fueled her steps and now…now Elain felt relieved. Calmer, albeit still a tad embarrassed.
But she had needed this. They had needed this.
They observed each other in the silence and Elain let herself see him for who he was. She let herself take in his handsome face and broad shoulders – she allowed herself to catalog every inch of him. She should’ve done it sooner.
“So…” she began softly. “Where do we go from here?”
The corner of Lucien’s mouth lifted slightly. “That depends. I still need a clear answer to my letter.”
Roses bloomed on her cheeks as she said, “Is it still not obvious at this point?”
“A simple yes or no will do, Elain.”
Elain’s eyes narrowed slightly at Lucien and though his tone was teasing, his gaze was not.
So she cleared her throat before primly answering, “My answer to your letter is no. I do not wish to do that.”
A pleasant tension filled the space between them as they stood a few feet apart as though they hadn’t been drawn to each other from the moment they’d met those years ago. As though they hadn’t just had their hands all over each other. As though their lips hadn’t only just tasted each other and were already tingling, craving more.
“And…does that mean you wish to spend time actually getting to know each other?” he asked carefully.
Elain’s throat bobbed. Maybe it was time they finally explored what the Mother had given them. Maybe it was time she stopped being so stupidly afraid.
“Yes.”
Lucien slowly nodded. “Good.”
“Great.”
“Then you owe me a date.”
Elain blinked rapidly. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.” Lucien said and at her expression, his lips twitched – and it was like all the anger and discomfort that had been between them earlier had simply washed away. “You owe me a date.”
“I do believe I am a lady and ladies are meant to be courted.” she said with amusement. “Unless fae customs are different and I somehow missed the memo.”
“Oh no, my lady – that is the typical structure.” he said and the smile he gave her was the most fae-like expression she’d ever seen. “However, you missed the memo where I have attempted to court you in the past and you shut me down at every turn.”
Elain made a noise of protest but Lucien held up a hand. “Please Elain, I need you to keep it together. There is no need to rush with a proposal at this time.”
Her expression flattened but her mate only smirked at her. “Feyre did warn me that you have an obnoxious streak but I didn’t think I’d see it so quickly.”
Lucien snorted. “Bold of your sister to say that considering who her mate is.” he said and Elain’s lips couldn’t help but twitch. “Regardless, I do expect you to woo me properly.”
“Do you, now?” she asked with a raised brow and Lucien’s response was a small smirk.
“But of course. I look forward to seeing what you can come up with.”
Elain could only shake her head in disbelief and they stood in that comfortable silence for a moment before Lucien gestured with a hand to the living room.
“Would you like to stay for a drink?” he asked quietly and though Elain did wish to stay, she knew she needed to process what had just happened between them.
So she shook her head with a small smile. “Don’t you know? I apparently have a date to plan.”
And as she sat at her desk later that evening, she thought about how she had left his home feeling lighter than she had in a long while. She thought about the smile he had given her as they said goodbye. She thought about how he had walked her to his door and felt his eyes on her the entire way home.
It only seemed right that what started with a letter should continue with one and so, Elain sent him one of her own that same night.
My lord,
I would like to know if you would humble me with your presence and accept my invitation to dinner this Thursday at 6pm at Servanda’s Resturant. Your charm and chivalry have caught my attention and it would be an honor to spend the evening with you.
Please let me know your response at your earliest convenience.
Yours truly,
Elain Archeron
His response came an hour later and Elain nearly walked over to his home to truly throttle him.
My lady,
Thank you for noticing my charm. I have no doubt that you are already enamored by me.
As for your request, I will think about my availability. Please note my preferences for sunflowers to roses and plan accordingly.
Yours truly,Lucien Vanserra
Elain scoffed at his audacity then chuckled softly; it wasn’t like she didn’t deserve his teasing.
Noticing a small arrow on the bottom of the letter, she quickly turned it over to find an additional message and for the first time in a long time, excitement bloomed in her chest.
PS. I’d be delighted. Thursday night it is.
#elucien#elain archeron#lucien vanserra#elucien fanfics#pro elucien#gfics#fic: heading straight to you#I was listening to Adele's Sweetest Devotion and well :)#happy monday :)
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i mean, i still don't actually talk to people, but my god getting back on tumblr has been so good for me. who knew interacting with people who share your interests could be so good for your mental health?
#the sense of community yall make me feel. im so emotional#most of my interests r. super niche so getting into a proper fandom where people interact and care about it???#like sure i don't talk to people but. yall are my friends. i dont feel so alone#like its so dumb but knowing even one (1) person might listen to my sewing ramblings because they WANT to is such a ????#it fills me with warm fuzzy feelings is the best way i can describe it#irl i always feel like i piss people off when i start going off about it but theyre too polite to like. not interact you know?#they aren't gonna tell me to shut up or anything but they would rather i did#but if i write a post on here. its entirely your choice to read it so if you do its bc you want to and the thought. that people want to#hear what i have to say??? in any capacity??? sobbing crying#nyxtalks
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garth greenwell talking about the tenderness of sex and how it functions alongside grief in reference to a piss play excerpt 🥰 ️ 🥰 ️ 🥰 ️ 🥰 ️ 🥰 ️
#garth greenwell talking about an excerpt that frames sex and kink alongside grief and sickness....the body in both...LOVER BOY THESIS!!!!!#i was actually trying to understand what i wanted to write about re that level of kink...understanding my own boundaries#but its like reading about sex houses and hanky code you are always confronted with these quote unquote disgusting kinks and its like#the quotes about queer sex and cleanness and contamination in the raven leilani essay!!!!#when you read about how these sex houses had tubs for piss play but also were safe spaces for queer community you have to mentally get#past your own personal likes and dislikes...like there are certain kinks ive read about in that which i wont write about#but some of them i will just because its interesting!! garth said it all here!!#okay dallon sex essay time over thank you for attending dallon sex essay writing posting hours
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I don’t know who needs to hear this but obsessing over and labeling every aspect of your human experience isn’t healthy or productive or conducive to the human nature of growth and change.
Free blocklist in the notes <3 have you considered that you may be a part of the problem?
#ra speaks#personal#real bean talk#but like. if you want to use labels for everything that’s great - fandom labels/preference labels/etc. are all well and good#IF if they make you feel happy and supported by a community of similar people#BUT if that ‘community’ of ‘similar people’ is so rigid and self canibalizing that you don’t feel like you can drop that label#without risking retaliation…that’s not good or healthy and you need to drop everything and run#I’ve seen it in vegetarian circles and hunting clubs and fitness trainers#I’ve seen it in fandom ship communities. I’ve seen it in sports team fans. if you are genuinely afraid/anxious abt the reactions#‘your people’ will have if you either aren’t constantly hyper vigilant to confront ‘the others’#or lose interest or change your opinions#thats not a community that’s a culture of fear and violence that’s going to chew you up and shred you to bits because that’s all it knows#sorry I saw some fandom wank on my dash and it was like. oh you people actually treat this silly stuff with extreme paranoia#like a full on dogwhistles and ‘xyz but STEALTH signals’ kinda stuff you normally see for like. terfs and white supremacists.#but for the most vanilla and not that rare shipping pair in a mid tier fandom#this wasn’t some small post either it had 2k+ notes like 👀 have you maybe considered taking a step back and reevaluate your choices#t*rfs if you even look at this I am throwing you in one of those terrifying boat rides they have at carnivals#labels like ‘gender critical’ in your bio mean you ascribe to the predatory label groups I’ve described in my tags#if you bother to read my tags this isn’t about queer labels specifically I didn’t even mention them bc there are already posts abt that#microlabels and other labels are good if they make you feel good but have the choice to not use them or change them if you change#love light and lignification <3
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Sigh 😔 at this point, I might as well just post my art classwork since I haven't been doing any art in my free time...
Not art-related at all but I've been (kinda) reading Komi-San Can't Communicate and I wanna post my thoughts on it since I like it (I do have some personal complaints though) but I have absolutely no way to put these thoughts out aside from here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Somewhat related but have you seen how weird some Komi-San fans are??????? Knowing the genre and all, I shouldn't be surprised, but still...i wouldnt want to share my thoughts with some fans either way
Forewarning, literally the only manga I was ever fully invested in was Mob Psycho 100 and I haven't even touched the Komi-San anime. It's also been a while since I reread the entire manga so my memory may suck, my apologies. There will be many paragraphs, my double apologies.
[SPOILERS FOR EVERYTHING UP TO CHAPTER 412]
Overall, I think the manga is really cute. I don't read manga that much but I'd still say that it very much fits the slice-of-life genre well. Maybe too well 🙂 but I'll talk about that later. It's a great manga to read for fluff and just to have a good time.
Side-note: I'll be talking about the one-shot for a bit and when I say "current" Komi, I really just mean Komi throughout her 2nd/3rd year.
First things first, I absolutely fell in love with the concept and the one-shot (...first chapter?). The idea of a character with crippling social anxiety slowly coming out of their shell with the help and support of others? Fantastic :D And jeez, the art style change is REALLY obvious once you look at the one-shot. Honestly, I really wish the entire manga kept it u_u the dead-inside eyes Komi had actually showed why everyone was so scared of her. Her cute-ified/chibi look isn't as intimidating and only shows that people were scared just because she kept staring at them (which is fair lol, but her original look makes more sense). Tadano, though... I would prefer his current look compared to his old one LOL. Style aside, I'm gonna talk about this specific little thing that truly made me binge this manga: the diner and hospital talk. Technically two scenes but they share one thing and that is that Tadana and Komi sit facing AWAY from each other. I don't think I ever really struggled with social anxiety but when I was younger, I had a very hard time talking to people while making eye contact. I know chronlogically that the hospital talk is before the diner one but as a reader (since diner scene is shown first), seeing that issue be addressed without it ever being directly brought up was just...really sweet. I understood it right away. Hell, even when it was noticed and brought up in the hospital talk, Tadano was such a caring person to suggest the idea of facing away from one another i straight up wouldve cried if someone did that for me irl moreonmylovefortadanolater— One-shot Komi is also pretty interesting because she actually IS able to talk, she just varies between saying very little to saying a lot. I'm no psychiatrist but personally, I felt that could've been more relatable BUT that's not a complaint because the manga isn't obligated to accurately portray every single thing about the disorder (especially since it's clear that this manga is focusing on being lighthearted so of course it won't necessarily go into the very heavy stuff). I find current Komi's trait of using a notebook to speak much more interesting but I was shocked on the relateability of one-shot Komi, haha.
Okay, now for the actual manga. I'll admit, I don't really have much to say in the beginning portion purely because I don't really remember much 🙃 The chalkboard scene was really cute but I'll just be saying that for any scene with Komi and Tadano alone, tbh. Komi and her reactions in social situations are mood as always. Tadano was a KIND, CARING, and LOVING lil guy and all he got was death threats smh. Yamai.
She's part of a bigger issue.
In general, I love seeing Komi and Tadano together. Together relationship-wise and also just simply interacting with each other. Their relationship is SO adorable and I always reread their pining moments :ↄ I understand the dislike for the trope of an extraordinary woman falling in love with Some Guy™ but I like it here because while Tadano truly is Some Guy™, he's a genuinely nice person and not even just basic-human-decency nice; he goes out of his way for people. He also sees Komi as a friend before all else, too. Like, yes, he finds her attractive and, yes, she is literally his girlfriend now, but they still share a lot of platonic moments together and just act like a couple of besties ✨
Manbagi is also a main character I can't help but adore. I found it fascinating that the love triangle, while still a competition, was lighthearted and friendly. I've personally never seen one portrayed like that so I'm really impressed! The love triangle showcased Komi and Manbagi's friendship so much that, despite not being a fan of OT3s, I genuinely just wanted both of them to date Tadano lmao and I truly believed that it would've worked out!!! I still do; all three of those characters have chemistry with each other! Anyway, love triangle arc aside, I'm happy that she's at least getting her happy ending with that one dude :)
Speaking of that dude, the side characters are cool. My favorites are Hiki and Komitani. I like the name puns and some side stories are pretty sweet (like with Hiki's). I forgor their names but surprisingly, I liked those two bitchy girls who "bullied" Komi (quotes because it wasn't that serious). How they acted towards Komi and the reasons why they acted that way (AKA their assumptions about Komi doing it for attention or whatnot) was a nice change from the standard character reaction towards Komi. Yeah, they were still dicks and I especially didn't like how everyone quickly forgave that one tsun (?) girl, but they were a refreshing deviation from status quo. Those good examples aside, there...are a lot of side stories to the point I get tired of them :U I mean, I assume that's just a genre thing because I have read other slice-of-life manga before but would drop them because the side stories were too much >.> Clearly, I didn't really drop this manga since I'm talking about it but 400+ chapters feels like a lot to me (especially when a good portion of those chapters are side stories) and it's still ongoing, which I typically wouldn't even touch since I like endings to a story :u It feels like trudging through mud sometimes but I gotta get through it or I won't see my favs Komi and Tadano ✊😔 The side stories really would've been a dealbreaker if not for those two.
Ah, and finally: sexual fanservice. God, I hate it so much. Both, in the manga and in general. I hate how it's prevalent in so much media, I hate how it is used as a tool to attract audiences, and I hate how it works in attracting those audiences. Yes, the manga has many, many instances of sexual fanservice but I've just accepted that I can never escape it. Yamai and her sexual harassment. Close-up shots of teenage chests. Hiki being a literal middle schooler at one point. Almost every character's sexualization of Komi, no matter their age. All make me disappointed, but not surprised. You gotta make money somehow ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I am surprised that Tadano and Komi's relationship isn't sexualized all that much. Maybe I missed some things but the only sexual things I can recall are the "Tadano unlocked a new fetish" moments (which happens only twice? Thrice?) and other characters asking/teasing on how far they've gone. I like that. It makes their relationship very wholesome and also reinforces the fact that Tadano sees Komi as an actual person.
Kinda related to fanservice but I very much dislike the current art style. Y'know that meme of anime girls being compared to pugs? That's exactly what happened to Komi's face. Why is it so scrunched up??? To be fair, this applies to every character so I guess there's consistency... Her sharp edges in her hair are kinda jarring, though, because she has these really detailed eyes but her face is small and her hair, although detailed, is a geometric shape and all of these factors do not look good together. I'm fine with Tadano's design because it gives him personality, which...may or may not be a good thing, character-wise? Like, yeah, he's supposed to be some normal guy and all, which his original design perfectly portrays that bUT ITS SO BORINGGG. I like his sharp edges! It's better on him since he isn't as detailed as Komi. Anyway, I say this is related to fanservice because, while yes, this art style is much easier to draw with than with the old style, Komi's prominent eyes and tiny face surely must've been influenced by some other factor other than time management :U but that's just my theory. Final note: this art style kinda ruined the Tadano confession scene for me a bit because the close-up of Komi's face was...not good, imo.
One last thing: YAY THEY KISSED!!!!!11!°!! When I stopped reading, I stopped at the end of the Kawai arc since I do not like being left on cliffhangers and there were only some chapters left at the time. I heard about the kiss scene at Chapter 411 and so, I only read the chapters that led up to that scene instead of picking up where I last was 🙃 I have some thoughts. Why is Kawai trying to insert herself into Komi and Tadano's relationship. Why is Kawai's family weird. Why...is Kawai even here lmao. Komi and Tadano are adorable, though <3
My final thoughts are that it very much is a slice-of-life manga. Nothing revolutionary, I think, but that's fine! Watching the relationship grow between Tadano and Komi was the main thing for me and now that they're officially together, I'll admit, I'm not all that interested in the story anymore ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I know the main goal of the story is for Komi to overcome her social anxiety and make 100 friends and I do like the development of that goal, but...eh... I remember seeing a comment in the subreddit mention that they wish the goal was changed so that the quality of friendships mattered over quantity and I agree. The manga does emphasize that Komi has made meaningful connections with some of the friends she made (Tadano, Manbagi, Kawai...I assume? Didn't read LMAO) but that's the thing: it's only some friends. Her other friends are side characters that have their own side stories which may or may not be boring. They're not as fleshed out as Tadano or Manbagi nor do they share the same impact. Sure, a mean character may push Komi to stand up for herself once or twice but there's no revolutionary moment within Komi compared to her moments with Tadano or Manbagi. To be fair, those small moments with side characters do build up for Komi but my point still stands that Komi has friends that are much closer than the rest. Because of that, I just feel like Komi already reached her goal 🤷♀️ She has Tadano, her #1 support system and friend, along with other friends that played a role in her development. She doesn't really need more friends, since the friends she has now are already caring and considerate. She was able to form deep relationships despite her communication disorder; I feel like that's a great ending. And I know, ending a story when the main couple gets together is cliche and there'd be no kiss scene if that did happen but I'm just saying!!
oh and komi's parents' lil side story was adorable
#littleturtle? more like littlethoughts#komi can't communicate#I typed this instead of doing school work oops#I really did want to get my thoughts out though#watching a relationship develop between characters is my favorite past time and is why i read fanfic so much#ao3 my beloved#i may or may not do this again but with cheese in the trap (webcomic)#seol and jung's relationship is very interesting but ALL of the characters in the manwha are interesting tbh. for better or for worse.#its 3 am so im sorry if my thoughts are sloppy i will try my best to clear up anything when im not sleep deprived#god i love typing/talking about my thoughts on stuff i like#no more art. just thoughts.#thirty-fourth post
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i think i'm just becoming more unapproachable as i get older which isn't really something i planned on
#in real life i mean#or maybe online too idk#rant time– you don't have to read if you don't want to lmao <3#people don't really approach me irl#my mom told me i tend to look serious most of the time and my default stance is having my arms crossed so maybe that's the reason lmao#i want to talk to people about things i like but i don't even like talking to people with the same interests as me#i can't carry a convo for more than 5 minutes like what am i supposed to talk about after saying hi? the weather?#i love talking about religious and philosophical stuff but i can't really find anyone that likes to go really deep into it like me#(i'm very grateful for the friends that i have– don't think i'm not!)#maybe i just need to up my socializing skills#but as soon as someone comes up to me i have this urge to run away like a grizzly bear is chasing after me lmao#and i know i've been the main reason why my old friendships (and a relationship) didn't last that long#decent communication and intimacy are not my fortes#i'll try harder!#anyway–#i feels like this is more of a vent blog than a bts blog i'm so so sorry about that#i'll try to talk less about my life here and just post the usual bts stuff#i'm surprised you all still follow me honestly lol but thank you#mutuals + followers please take care of yourselves!#alright i'm gonna go and i don't have a clue when or if i'll come back :))))#bye <3#maddie.txt
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#(see prev post 4 context. ig)#and like. I keep reminding myself it's like with my current special interest (the one too cringe for me to post about on main iykyk)#He's stated that he's never going to read that shit with me and. Like I'd prefer if he did#and think that us doing that together would be a lot of fun for me#but ultimately all I'm losing here is a potential pastime/hobby#(this would b a better analogy if he wasnt willing 2 *listen* 2 me talk about said SpIn for literal hours but lets ignore that for a sec.)#(... god I do NOT deserve him)#if I want to get closer to him there are other ways of doing that!#like you know! hanging out with him more and not pushing him away over this!#no matter what I DON'T want him to feel like I was only his friend in the hopes of being fwb. he doesn't deserve that whatsoever#esp not on top of everything else he's going through.#but I just. god feel so drained.#and I can't vent to any of my other friends about it because it would feel like a saying shit behind his back#even venting here I'm not saying a lot of stuff going on with us for his privacy.#just. god#Adrien says stuff#(ignore me community labelling smth this tame I just thought like. better safe than sorry yk.)
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ten thousand mannequin attack upon the next [REDACTED] fan who visits my blog
#logs#lmfao (lamenting my fucking anguish online)#listen i know i partially signed up for this when i played the games and listened to the audiodrama and read the novelizations and whatnot.#however‚ as a person who (despite not being very hateful most of the time) wants to drop hydrogen bombs on all but a select few#[REDACTED] fans‚ GET OUT#obligatory this post was written by a person who detests bombs and nuclear weapons et cetera et cetera. it's complicated.#also saw the nthousandth ''haha [REDACTED] is a raging misogynist'' ''''joke'''' today. please shut the fuck up.#the relationship i have with the greater fanbase of these games is very negative to begin with but if the topic is [REDACTED] in particular#i open the door to my house the way a conservative american geezer would - with a grimace on my face and a shotgun in my hands#the worst part is that i really don't have anything against random fans visiting my blog - i like passersby and i like talking to people#about mutual interests‚ i think that much is obvious! i believe myself to be a rather easygoing guy as far as those things go.#but the amount of laptopshutworthy slop that comes from the big names of this pseudo-community makes me feel outraged#again i have to emphasize that i have nothing against regular ass people who are into these videogames‚ i'm not gonna shoo away a random#stranger just because they like this one thing‚ far from it#but there is a specific flavor‚ so to speak‚ of fans who dish out nothing but takes and analyses that make you wish you didn't have eyes#which i want nothing to do with#and this post is referring EXCLUSIVELY to those people. no one else.
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Yandere! Werewolf Headcanons
I've been stalked by the guilty feeling that my Romanian Werewolf boy got a lot of backstory but not much romance or interaction. So there you have it: some headcanons featuring the ancient Beast, a post-kidnapping sequel.
Content: female reader, obsessive behavior, monster romance, mild NSFW at the end, ridiculously older yandere
You followed the gargantuan stranger back into the city, leaving the bloodbath behind as if it was just a distant dream. Admittedly, you’d expected to be dragged into some mountainous cave or an abandoned mansion, not the cozy - albeit a little dusty - apartment on a main, historical street. On second thought, he did function as a human outside of his monstrous escapades, so it made sense. “Is this your place?”, you sheepishly asked while he wiped the thick layers of blood off him. “One of them, yes”, he answered curtly. “It’s central”, you remarked, trying to make conversation. “Well, I didn’t know about it back then. It’s been a few decades.”
Your ears perked up at the words. Gazing at his features, he didn’t seem necessarily aged to you. The deep creases contouring his face felt more like a sign that he’s lived sorrows beyond most people’s comprehension. “How old are you?” You finally asked as curiosity replaced your initial fear. He abruptly stopped his movements and leaned back, brows furrowed in deep contemplation. “I’m not so sure anymore. I was born in the 80s”, he concluded. “That’s not too far back, is it?” You inquired, this time more relaxed. “80 BC, I meant. You do the math.”
He freshened himself up as you counted the millennia on your fingers, frowning in confusion. He chuckled at your intense focus, then quickly looked up into the mirror. When was the last time he smiled like this? The reflection was a foreign sight to him. “We’ll get you everything you need tomorrow”, he continued, still in a daze. What a strange idea, having someone to speak to after an eternity. And suddenly, it occurred to him just how rusted his communication had gotten: “I’m so sorry, I haven’t asked for your name once”, he said, embarrassed. “It’s (Y/N). And you are...?" Might as well introduce yourself to your benevolent captor.
The dreaded question. How did they call him back in the day? He hasn't had anyone spell it out for him, nor did he feel the need at any point to say it himself. Why would he? He hadn't anticipated meeting you. With pursed lips, he searched his mind. Eventually, from the depths or memories, from days of yore, it made its way back: "Daos."
Given your first gory encounter (where he quite literally murdered everyone else), you were surprised to find out he's otherwise a calm and polite individual. Well, he's had centuries to mature, you suppose. You've also noticed he has that rather old-fashioned chivalry to him. He's very attentive despite his stoic demeanor, and often follows with acts of service.
"You're insulting me. I can carry this myself with ease", you'll argue. "I never doubted you can. Nonetheless, it is my wish to do it for you."
As the days pass, your reluctance seems to vanish as well. In fact, you've become particularly cheeky, encouraged by his warm, unperturbed behavior. Maybe you haven't gotten the worst deal out there, after all.
"You know, you talk like an old man", you've teased him once. He was visibly taken aback by your statement, and you could discern a faint blush on his face. "Do I? My apologies, I haven't spoken to anyone in a long time. I'm not familiar with modern speech. Have I embarrassed you somehow?"
He spends his free time reading, though he will frequently take you on walks. It's an interesting affair to say the least. You can feel the curious eyes of the passersby and hear their not-so-discreet whispered gossip. You can't truly blame them: Daos is enormous even as a human. He towers above everyone else with his imposing appearance. To match, his voice is deep and coarse as a result of not using it much until recently.
The ancient werewolf is a living history book. If asked, he will narrate to you important events or details you might be curious about regarding his culture. Once, when he'd been in a good mood, he even shared fragments of his life before turning into a creature. He'd been a high-ranked Dacian warrior, spending his days training or fighting. He still remembers the flag he carried with bitter fondness, yet another irony to his fate: a wolf-headed serpent. It was meant to showcase their way of life; barbarians with no fear of death. They'd greeted the Roman Empire with nothing but a sword and a shield, no shred of doubt.
He might've been betrayed by his people, but the pride remains. The pride of a soldier who's never known defeat. You learned quickly that his beastly form doesn't count as a significant change by any means, save for appearances. The man has brute strength even as a human. You'd once strayed from his view, and a stranger approached with a daring whistle, gawking you up and down. Before you could react, Daos clawed him by the throat. You heard the twist of the skin and the creak of the bones giving in to the immense pressure of his large hand.
"It's the second time I have exposed you to such unpleasant sights", he said, discarding the body as if it was any other garbage. "Forgive me, but I will not have you disrespected like this."
He is very much aware he's taken you away from the world out of his own selfish desire. The fact that you accepted it is more than he could ever ask for. That's what he keeps telling himself, even as his eyes wander to your lips whenever you speak. Or as his hand lingers a moment too long against the curve of your back. Or as he hungrily takes in your scent whenever you're nearby.
He might be unhealthily possessive of you, but Daos will never do anything against your will. No matter how obvious his urges are. In fact, no amount of flirting or teasing will shake his resolve. You will have to be very direct with your approval.
Once the reality settles in, he'll become extremely affectionate, bordering on obsessive. To think he could have you in every way possible. Oh, he's waited thousands of years for you. All the suffering, the loneliness, the anger, they're stripped of any meaning now that he has you.
The city strolls at an awkward distance have since become a habitual excuse to hold your hand and show you off to the mortals. The quiet evenings of passing time with a book now include your merely noticeable weight cuddled into his lap. You didn't expect him to be this adoring. Being touch-starved for millennia counts as one reason, naturally, but there's more to it, so much more. And it all leads back to you.
He is a little taken aback when you ask him to do the deed in his werewolf form. "Don't be foolish. I can't overcome my instincts as well when I'm a creature. I could harm you", he'll lecture you. "Besides, you can barely take it as it currently is", he'll add, smirking at your baffled expression. It seems he's picked up on your cheekiness.
After a lot of pleading and waiting for the right moment - when he's ravaging you in a daze - he finally agrees. True to his word, his tune instantly changes. The tender hold turns into a desperate grasp sinking into your skin, and the thrusts become irregular, almost frantic. His drool cools your burning cheeks as you hold onto the coarse fur, feverish and overwhelmed.
His golden eyes rest on the small human squirming underneath him, and suddenly, he can't help but notice: you have the perfect birthing hips.
#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere x darling#yandere x you#yandere monster#yandere monster x reader#yandere werewolf#werewolf x reader#monster x reader#monster x human#monster romance#yandere headcanons#male yandere x reader#yandere imagines#yandere scenarios#yandere oc#yandere oc x reader#yandere smut#monster smut#monster boyfriend
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Some thoughts on why and how I believe Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship would incorporate sex/why I do not read them as wholly asexual:
This is something I've seen the most discourse about in this fandom, and I've had a few thoughts of my own that I really wanted to expand upon in a full meta/character analysis post. I do understand that this can be a contentious topic, so first, let me clarify a few things:
First of all, this is going to be long. Tbh it probably won't be that organized either. I ramble and I'm not very good at editing, so just... you know. Be warned. (*Hi, it's me from 2 days after writing this; I'm really not kidding, it's LONG)
These are all my own thoughts. They might not be hot takes, because recently I've seen more than a few people come to the same conclusions on a lot of these points as I have. But I've also had these notes in my drafts for about a week and a half now, and have been continuously adding to it as things have occurred to me. This post is essentially just somewhere for me to collect the separate but related meta I've been kicking around in my head.
I fully respect anyone who does see and prefer an asexual reading of this relationship. These are my own thoughts and interpretations as someone who is not asexual. I am in the LGBT+ community, so while I do know a few things about the asexuality spectrum, I am by no means an expert.
This is NOT something I expect, need, or even necessarily want the show (or, God forbid, Neil's tumblr ask box) to address. Tonally, it's just not that kind of show. Newt and Anathema's sex scene was very much played for laughs, and it worked for that reason. If the show found a way to address it in a way that was both appropriate for the tone of the show and ultimately satisfying, then great! But there is so much more to this relationship than sex, and I didn't need a kiss to confirm their love, so I certainly don't need a sex scene. As immortal beings (as I assume they'll stay) there is so much of the rest of their lives we'll never get to see. You can headcanon them as asexual and potentially be right. I can headcanon them as not and be equally potentially right. Again, these are just a collection of my own thoughts, because I think the question of sexuality (or lack thereof) is just as interesting a facet of these characters as any other.
Note: Tbh I've been second-guessing this whole post and debated deleting the whole thing several times for being silly or unnecessary, bc I don't want anyone to think that this is the only thing I care about when it comes to this story/characters. But if nothing else, it's inspired me to write in a way that nothing has in a very long time, so I've decided it's worth continuing, if for no other reason than that.
This is going to be a mixed bag of textual reading, subtextual reading, and a full-on reach or two. It's been a while since I've been in an English class, but if my teachers expected me to find a deeper meaning behind blue curtains, you can expect me to read too deeply into the symbolism of a loaded rifle or an ox rib. (This is probably not what my professors had in mind when grading my literary analysis papers but oh well) My point is, if it feels like a reach, I'm as aware of it as you are. I am in no way saying that all (or even any) of my points made were deliberate on the part of Neil or the actors or the writers or the directors. I am no longer the delulu Apple Tree Yard child of my youth, I promise.
If anything said here is in any way offensive or hurtful to anyone in the asexual community, please do not hesitate to message me or comment and let me know exactly what it was. I promise you it is not my intention to do so, and am happy to clarify or outright edit anything that reads that way.
With all that being said, let's talk about why I think Crowley and Aziraphale would absolutely fuck nasty incorporate sex into their relationship.
Note: I am out of practice with essay writing, so I think I'll just go down the bullet points of notes I have been making, and expand on each as best I can
Food
Where better to start than with Aziraphale's introduction to Pleasures Of The Flesh? (Just a heads up, this entire post may feel very Aziraphale-heavy, and with good reason).
This might be the least hot take here. We've all seen the Job minisode. We've all seen That Scene.
Whether this was intentional or not, the symbolism here is off the charts. Eve was tempted by an apple. So why not go a similar route and tempt Aziraphale with another fruit, or cheese, or bread, or literally anything else for his first experience with food? Instead, we go with a huge, glistening slab of fresh meat that he proceeds to absolutely go feral upon, moaning and gasping into his meal while Crowley watches with what definitely doesn't look to be disgust or even satisfaction with a good temptation. There's surprise at the ferocity of Aziraphale's appetite, certainly. But ultimately he looks to be intensely fascinated by it, while the thunder crashes, the music crescendos, and the earth literally shakes around them.
(It's also interesting to note how very little it takes for Crowley to tempt him with the ox rib. One murmured suggestion, a bit of unwavering eye contact, and vavoom Aziraphale immediately meets him in the middle.)
Cut to Aziraphale devouring the rest of the meat with Crowley splayed back on a makeshift bed, drinking wine and continuing to watch him indulge through half-lidded eyes. Outside a thunderstorm rages while they're learning secrets about each other in warm flickering firelight. It's cosy, it's intimate, and if they'd thrown in a bearskin throw blanket, it might as well be a post-coital scene straight out of Game of Thrones.
The next time (chronologically) we see them discuss food is when Aziraphale "tempts" Crowley with oysters in Rome. So Crowley first tempts Aziraphale with meat and then Aziraphale tempts Crowley with what is widely regarded to be an aphrodisiac. Interesting.
And then chronologically after that, the Arrangement begins to form, which has always reeked of a friends with benefits situation. Just to throw that in there.
It's What Humans Do
In the very first episode, we're shown Gabriel's obvious disgust and bewilderment towards Aziraphale eating sushi, calling it "gross matter" and being proud of the fact that he does not sully his body with it. Aziraphale initially tries to defend his own enjoyment in it, before passing it off as something that humans do, as something he simply has to do in order to blend in (which we know very well is not the case).
He does this again in season 2, passing off Nina and Maggie being in love as "something humans do". But it isn't, is it? Angels are beings of love, and can sense it, and understand very well what it is... up to a point. Even romantic love is obviously within their wheelhouse, given what we now know happened between Gabriel and Beelzebub (we'll come back to them).
What the "humans do" that angels wouldn't understand is messy, physical forms of love.
But here's the thing: Aziraphale and Crowley love doing what the humans do. They love drinking, they (or at least Aziraphale) love eating. They love music. Crowley loves driving and sleeping and watching rom-coms and sitcoms. Aziraphale loves reading and doing magic and earning little licenses and certificates for achievement in his various hobbies. They love to playact at being human so much that they've stopped playacting and started building a genuinely human lifestyle for themselves and with each other.
Once together in an unambiguously romantic sense, why do we think they wouldn't also want to explore one of the most prominent, intimate, powerful human expressions of love and desire with each other?
Angels, Demons, & Asexuality
Here's where I really want to clarify that in no way do I mean that sex is necessary for a healthy, fulfilling, and loving romantic relationship, or that the lack of desire for sex makes you any less human. Asexuality is a sexuality as valid and human as any. What I would say is that it is definitely in the human minority compared to allosexuality.
Angels and demons, on the other hand, are predominately asexual. Sexless/genderless unless Making An Effort. (Which, btw, is a concept introduced as early as the original book; why even bring it up as a possibility? Why not keep angels/demons being sexless/asexual as a hard and fast rule, if not to open up the potential for later use? Chekhov's Effort, if you will. And isn't that something that Aziraphale in particular is shown to do time and time again? He makes an effort in French and driving and magic, doesn't he?)
And this is why I don't believe Aziraphale and Crowley necessarily need to be asexual, narratively. There is already a huge amount of ace rep within the angels and demons (and no, not just the horrible ones. Muriel also doesn't "drink the tea" and has no reason or desire thus far to Make An Effort, and there are certainly other angels and demons who aren't horrible like the archangels seem to be who likely wouldn't Make An Effort either).
The central conflict for Aziraphale and Crowley is that they are on their own side, the ones who went native, the ones who are so different in so many ways from their respective hives. It would make sense for them to also break away from traditional angel/demon asexuality.
I say "traditional angel/demon asexuality", because I would also like to note that I would absolutely not rule out demisexuality for either of them. This post is being written to as a response to people who specifically believe that they (like the rest of the angels/demons seem to be) would be sex-averse in a relationship, and that it wouldn't be a factor in their relationship. I could easily read them as demisexual, but I do think there would be no real way of verifying this, because they've never been able to form as close an emotional relationship with anyone else but each other. Certainly not in heaven, and I can't imagine they would be able to form that kind of attachment with any of the humans, who they love and emulate but ultimately regard as the separate species they are. So yes, they could either be allosexual or demisexual, in my opinion.
Then again, now that I think about it, Making An Effort itself could be a great metaphor for demisexuality, since they would be entirely sexless/asexual until they have enough of an emotional connection with someone to consciously manifest otherwise. Since the other angels and demons don't generally form those types of emotional connections with anyone, there hasn't been a precedent for it.
Except...
Brielzebub
We do have a precedent for it now, don't we? Gabriel and Beelzebub fell in love. They are a direct foil for Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship, speedrunning right through their courtship and finding their happily ever after on the other side of things.
For being such a 1 to 1 comparison, it feels deliberate that they did not kiss. They held hands, they were gooey with each other, but they did not kiss. That feels like such a deliberate thing to omit when you know what's to come at the end of the episode between Crowley and Aziraphale.
And going back to the food = sex metaphor for a moment, let's notice how even as they fell in love over the years, even when pints and crisps were there on the table in front of them, they never felt the desire to reach out for them. They didn't need to. It's a date (love story) even if you aren't eating dinner (sleeping together).
Yes, I know Jim liked hot chocolate. No, I am not counting it because I don't consider Jim and Gabriel to be the same person with the same proclivities, and Jim was highly suggestible at the time anyway.
Gabriel and Brielzebub's big happily ever after moment (as of now) was one between two asexual supernatural beings. They did not need to kiss to drive the point home. They showed what Crowley and Aziraphale could have, if they would only acknowledge it.
Crowley & Aziraphale's Dissatisfaction
But they do have that already, don't they? If you really think about it, what do Gabriel and Beelzebub do with each other that Crowley and Aziraphale don't already? They hold hands, they spend time together, they create little rituals, they give gifts, they're visibly and verbally affectionate with each other, etc. They are more or less already in a romantic asexual marriage relationship with each other, aren't they?
And it doesn't seem to be enough for either of them.
At the beginning of the season, Crowley is immediately shown to be unsatisfied with the way things are. Obviously part of it comes from living in his car, but it seems to be more than that (especially since Aziraphale makes it clear that the bookshop is just as much Crowley's as his, implying that he could have been living there the whole time and is choosing not to, for some reason?). You could argue he's feeling unmoored without Hell telling him what to do, but isn't that what he wanted? Isn't that what he still wants, by the end of the season? All season long, he's never indicated the desire for a new job, or a new project. He stopped the apocalypse because he wanted the freedom to openly spend time with Aziraphale, to spend his time on Earth however he sees fit. Until Gabriel arrives, he has exactly that (minus a flat).
So where does the dissatisfaction come from? And if it represents anything to do with his relationship, what does he want out of it that he isn't getting already?
I think Crowley only really comes to the realisation of what he's missing when Nina names it for him, not only putting them in the category of romantic, but physical (outright asking if they are sleeping together). These two posts [1], [2] go into more detail about what I mean, but I think it really pushes him into acknowledging that their relationship is more human than either of them have stopped to consider, and what that might mean as far as everything a human relationship can entail.
After all, Nina and Maggie only advised that he should talk to Aziraphale, make clear his feelings. The decision to kiss him, to tip them over the edge from nonphysical to physical, that was all him. And no, kissing isn't sex, but I wonder how taboo even that might be in the kind of all-encompassing asexuality most angels seem to identify with. (If they're disgusted by food and drink, I can only imagine what they think of snogging, much less sex.)
Aziraphale doesn't have this moment of someone observing their relationship from the outside. He loves Crowley, and as of 1941 probably even knows he's in love with him in a way that Crowley doesn't understand yet. Which makes sense, since love is technically his job, he'd be more likely to recognise it for what it is.
However, Aziraphale's reference for romance and relationships is Jane Austen. It's chaste. It's dancing and dinner and doing sweet things for each other and roses and candles and handholding. He contextualises his love for Crowley in that soft fantasy sort of way, where it's there, it's obviously there, but it's neat and easy and unspoken. Not to quote Glee in this, the year of our lord 2023, but it's all very "the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets".
Someone should tell that to Aziraphale's face, then.
I'm not going to pretend I know what Michael Sheen's script notes were, but there were definitely some Choices™ made. Because yes, there were plenty of moments in both seasons with Aziraphale looking at Crowley in a sweet, loving, smitten way. And then there were moments that were yearning.
But yearning for what, exactly? All of those sappy Jane Austen tropes already apply to the two of them. So why are there moments where Aziraphale is looking Crowley up and down like the last eclair in the window and licking his lips and visibly exhaling like he's trying to get in control of himself (see: Bastille scene + Crowley telling Muriel to ask him if they have any other questions about love)? Why is Aziraphale not only unconcerned when Crowley shoves him bodily up against a wall in s1, but staring at his lips and a beat too late in noticing Sister Mary's arrival? Why are some of his lines so suggestive? I'm sorry, but the car ride after the church explosion might as well have been the beginning of a Pizza Man porn with a really weird Blitz theme. If even my mother picked up on that vibe, I can't imagine it wasn't intentional on part of both the dialogue and the delivery.
(This section may feel like more of a reach/joke, but I'm really only 20% joking. These are writers and actors who are EXTREMELY good at their jobs; they know what they were doing here.)
More importantly, I don't think Aziraphale is even aware that there is more to what he wants. He lives in the Jane Austen fantasy and it never even occurs to him that he might be interested in anything further. It never even occurs to him that, as an angel, there is anything further to be interested in in the first place. Until Crowley forces it to occur to him. Just like I believe Nina forced Crowley to confront the idea that romantic love is what he's been feeling all along, I believe Crowley forced Aziraphale to confront the idea that physical intimacy is something he's been wanting, without even realising.
Aziraphale's Hedonism
Expanding on Aziraphale for a moment. We talked about his relationship with food, but we all know that Aziraphale is defined by his love of things that Feel Good.
It isn't just that he and Crowley love human things. Aziraphale loves the best of the best, or at least his version of it. He doesn't just love food, he loves going to fancy restaurants. He doesn't just love clothes, he loves soft, cosy, warm, plush clothes, or shiny, flashy, bougie fashion. He loves the warmth of tea and cocoa, loves getting drunk, and sitting in a comfy chair in the sunlight. He doesn't just experience, he indulges.
Given the emphasis put on things that Aziraphale loves just because they Feel Good, it feels narratively strange to assume that he wouldn't enjoy the feeling of being touched, or that he wouldn't be willing to try it, at least once, with someone he cared very deeply for. And just like the ox rib, I think that once he gets the first taste of things, he would absolutely tip over into complete and utter self-indulgence.
Dancing
I also think that dancing could be construed as a huge metaphor here. After all, we're told flat-out that angels don't Dance. Except one.
I would argue that Aziraphale, in fact, Made An Effort to learn how to Dance. He threw himself into the gavotte with delight (at a Victorian gay club; noted) and worked hard to be good at it. He's chomping at the bit to Dance with Crowley, working up the nerve to ask him with undeniably romantic intent and eagerness. So, angels don't Dance... unless they Make An Effort to do so.
We are told that demons, on the other hand, do Dance, but not well. Makes sense, since they're the ones who would want to encourage a deadly sin like lust, but have as little understanding of human love and physical intimacy as the angels. Crowley, however, is shown to be an excellent dancer at the ball, especially in his compatibility with Aziraphale.
(But Aziraphale WandaVisioned the ball so everyone knew how to dance! Yes, he did. However, the rest of the brainwashing doesn't seem to affect Crowley in any way, and they did actually live through the time period where this sort of dancing was a social norm; I'd be surprised if he never needed to learn. After all, the demons can't spell either, and Crowley is at least functionally literate, as far as we know.)
As of today, it's also been confirmed that when Aziraphale asked Crowley to dance, Crowley replied with "you don't dance." Not "WE don't dance". So going along with the metaphor, Crowley is just now discovering that Dancing is something Aziraphale is interested in at all, much less with him, and not denying that he himself is interested in Dancing. In his defense, I believe he was asleep for a few years while Aziraphale was learning the gavotte, so he wasn't exactly aware of Aziraphale's hot girl summer.
Love Languages
I want to expand on that; Crowley and Aziraphale's compatibility. Specifically in regards to their individual love languages.
We all know Crowley's love language is Acts of Service. I don't think there's any debate there. He loves it, Aziraphale loves it, they're both aware of it, we're all aware of it, God and Satan are aware of it, no surprise there.
You may disagree with me, but I believe Aziraphale's love language is Physical Touch, for a number of reasons. One of which being his aforementioned hedonism. Aziraphale likes things that Feel Good, remember? He likes soft clothes, and well-worn books. Neil himself has said that they like holding hands. And any time he is taken by surprise (Brielzebub getting together, the wave of love in Tadfield, etc.) what is the first thing he does? Reaches out for Crowley. He stops him with a hand to the chest in the pub. He leads him by the hand to the dance floor. He guides him by the waist in the graveyard. He reaches out during the entire Brielzebub scene, whether he can reach Crowley or not. Despite his own turmoil, he grasps at Crowley's back during the kiss.
The one time Crowley reaches out for him (not counting the kiss yet; we'll get there), he is aggressively pushed against a wall (by someone he loves and trusts) with a complete and utter lack of concern (and perhaps some interest, depending on how you read it).
And when he isn't reaching out for anyone, or there isn't anyone to reach out to? Well, he's wringing his own hands together, squeezing his own fingers, as if to find that physical comfort in himself.
So. With that theory in mind, we have Aziraphale (Physical Touch) + Crowley (Acts of Service). Throw in 6000+ years of deep love, cherished companionship, and forcibly repressed longing, and there is a very real potential of this combination resulting in fierce sexual compatibility. Where Aziraphale would want to touch and be touched, to indulge in physical pleasure with someone he adores, in the same the way he indulges in every other fine thing in his life. And where Crowley would want to indulge him in return, to give him everything he wants, and to take pleasure in Aziraphale's pleasure, in the same way he enjoys watching him take joy in food everything else.
So Aziraphale is an angel who is insecure about his own less-than-holy desires, who would want to treat Crowley like a luxury to be touched and cherished and adored. And Crowley is a demon who has, over the millennia, been unhappy about how they've been forced to deny even their friendship with each other, who would want Aziraphale to feel comfortable and safe and encouraged to indulge in earthly delights. That sounds like a stunning recipe for sexual compatibility to me.
"You said 'trust me'" / "And you did"
Just like the Job minisode, the Blitz is RIFE with symbolism (intentional or otherwise). This one will be quick, but I did want to touch on it because I thought it was interesting. Maybe I'm reaching at this point, but I'm assuming you read the tin.
First of all, Crowley not wanting to admit to never firing a gun before; comes off as someone who very much does not want to admit to their crush that they're a virgin ("You must have done this lots of times!" / "Umm.... yyyyyeah.")
(You could make the argument that Aziraphale having a firearms license and a Derringer in a hollowed-out book is symbolic of him not being a virgin while Crowley is. I disagree, for reasons I'll go into later, but it's a valid reading. However, I see it more like keeping a condom in your wallet; it's there in case you need it, but the opportunity has not yet risen no pun intended.)
More importantly, the theme of this entire minisode is trust. We already know they trust each other with their lives against the rest of Heaven, Hell, and the world. But specifically, this is about the importance of having complete trust in your partner in a charged, physically vulnerable, intimate moment, where the only danger is between the two of you.
Aziraphale needs to believe Crowley would never hurt him if he can help it. Crowley needs to trust Aziraphale's unwavering blind faith in him. Frankly, it all feels very symbolic of two people deeply in love losing their respective virginities with each other.
The trick is a success, and they share an intimate candlelit dinner in which they reaffirm their faith in each other. Aziraphale also begins to voice his agreement with Crowley, that maybe Heaven's rules shouldn't have to be as black and white as they are, and that there are benefits to... blurring the lines, shades of grey, wink wink (at which point even my mom was like, whoa guys, this is a family show).
Btw also: Can we all agree how much it looked like Crowley was getting ready to get a lapdance in that one scene? You know the one.
Also also: "Aim for my mouth"? Come on.
The Birds & The Bees
Now that I think of it, there's also something to be said for the fact that Crowley and Aziraphale are both obviously familiar with where babies come from (how they're made and how they're born) while the other angels aren't.
Something something Aziraphale and Crowley fundamentally understand sex and reproduction in a way the other angels (and probably demons) very much do not, nor have any desire to.
Probably not important. Just thought it was worth mentioning.
The Kiss™ & Religious Trauma
The Kiss. Where to even begin?
This has definitely been the hardest one to start, because there is so much going on here that I definitely won't be able to cover it all, and will certainly miss a few things here and there.
Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss afterwards is the most interesting to me. And I don't mean directly after, I don't mean the "I forgive you" part. I mean the way he touches his lips when Crowley is no longer in the room and he no longer needs to save face, when he is completely alone. Had it been directly after the kiss, it would have been rightfully read as horror, or disgust, a shield to discourage further action.
It's not. It isn't just a touch, it's a press. As desperate and angry and unexpected and imperfect as the kiss had been, Aziraphale is pressing it into himself, recreating the feeling as best he can. Beneath all the poor timing and shock and hurt from their fight and fallout, I think it's fair to say that it was something he enjoyed. Something he doesn't think he should enjoy, something that Feels Good that he only allows himself to indulge in when completely alone.
Remember, Aziraphale's idea of love is Jane Austen and gentleness and courtship and fantasy. If he'd ever even considered kissing an option, it might have been gentle pecks, cheek kisses, forehead kiss, hand kisses. Soft, safe, chaste affection.
Crowley's kiss turns all of that on its head. He introduces physical intimacy in a very real, very messy, very human way that I don't think Aziraphale ever even considered could apply to them. Considering what other angels are like and what they look down on, even Aziraphale's Jane Austen fantasies probably would have been considered taboo.
So for their first kiss to be rough and desperate and passionate in the way it was, of course he was confused and in shock. It was deeply physical, and as overwhelming and awful as it was in the moment, it Felt Good. Enough that he grasped at Crowley and kissed back, if only just for a moment, before stopping himself. Enough that he actively pressed it into his lips afterwards, in private, to remember.
I adore how Neil has decided to evolve these characters past the first book/season. More so in this season, Aziraphale and Crowley have both become such interesting allegories for queer people on either side of the spectrum of toxic religion. Aziraphale in particular obviously, because he is the side that so desperately wants to believe, to make a difference, and to unlearn all of the propaganda he's been fed over such a long time. Just like so much of organised religion, there is so much that he is told, time and time again, that he should not want, that he is silly or stupid or outright wrong for wanting. It reminds me so much of the severe Catholic guilt one might feel for wanting/engaging in sex for the first time, and the stigma of being queer layered on top of that.
What is so critical to Aziraphale's character is that he goes on wanting, and more than that, actively pursues. He was convinced to go up against Heaven and Hell and stop all of Armageddon because he wanted to go on listening to music and eating lunch and reading books and enjoying the simple company of the person he cares most deeply for, even if that person is supposed to be the enemy.
All this to say that if angels are as generally asexual/sex-averse as I believe them to be, narratively speaking, it would make sense for Aziraphale to be singular in that regard as well. Mirroring his first experience with food, it would make sense for Crowley to be the one to first introduce this new messy, physical, human dynamic between them, for Aziraphale to hesitate (obviously we are at the Hesitation phase at the moment), and then (eventually) for him to dive in wholeheartedly, to absolutely glut himself on this new thing that Feels Good. It would make sense for his character development to show him overcoming his metaphorical Catholic guilt and pursuing the sexual intimacy most (if not all) of the other angels would scorn.
(I can't help but remember that plot idea Neil described from the unwritten sequel, with Aziraphale in a hotel room trying to watch a full porno by way of the free 2-minute teaser clips so he wasn't technically sinning by paying for it. I so hope this is used in season 3, because gosh, I wonder why Aziraphale would suddenly be so interested in observing human physical intimacy after 6,000 years. Lonely and doing a little surreptitious research there, angel?)
Crowley, on the other hand, is the queer person who has broken free from his toxic religion. He prides himself on being his own person, on their his own side. He doesn't have the hang-ups Aziraphale does. He doesn't worry that he's going to be judged or cast aside for wanting things he's not supposed to. So it only makes sense for him to be the first one to suggest/initiate physical intimacy. It makes sense for him to be the one who "goes too fast" (another fantastic example of this dynamic beginning as early as s1; what is that conversation in the car meant to represent, if not Aziraphale being overwhelmed by the intensity of their relationship, and his fear of succumbing to it when he believes he shouldn't? It's also interesting that this is the first conversation to take place in Soho, just after watching Aziraphale realise he's caught feelings for a demon, with the red glow of lust serving as the backdrop).
Do I think the kiss in and of itself was sexual? No. I think it was a passionate and devastating last-ditch effort on Crowley's part to convey the way he feels for Aziraphale. Not just that he loves him, but that he loves him in the most human way possible. But I do think that the kiss represents how they can move forward from here, and what they might want to explore with each other once they feel free enough to do so.
In Conclusion
I am sure, deep in my bones (unless we are explicitly told otherwise), that this was both of their first kisses no, I'm not counting the gavotte, and that neither of them have ever thought to do anything else physical with the humans while they have been on Earth. Like I said before, they adore the human race and lifestyle in general, but ultimately view them as a separate species altogether, and they seem mostly happy to keep to themselves and each other, unless otherwise necessary. I just can't see either of them being drawn enough to a human to pursue anything close to sex. If Crowley in particular has had anything to do with sex in the context of temptations, I'm positive he would be inciting lust amongst the humans themselves, not involving himself directly. At least not that directly.
So, like every other human experience they've had on Earth, sex is something new that they could explore together, just the two of them, on their own side. A deeply intimate, tangible declaration of their love and everything they've gone through to earn it. A visceral finger to give both Heaven and Hell. A renewed appreciation for their corporations and for each other's. A enjoyable method for immortal beings to simply pass the time in each other's company. A new and exciting way to Feel Good, and all the variations that come with it.
You might agree with this post, or you might not. Whether this is something that is ever addressed or not, it doesn't matter to me. This is a brilliant love story either way, and I genuinely feel so privileged to witness it.
But I just can't find it in myself to imagine, given everything we know about these two characters, that sex isn't an experience they would both consume with wholehearted enthusiasm, curiosity, and profound, ineffable adoration.
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Bonus feature: the very silly notes I made to myself that inspired this post
#pinned post bc I'm particularly proud of how it turned out and i don't want it to get buried when people check out my blog lol#Good omens#good omens spoilers#good omens season 2#good omens season 2 spoilers#good omens 2#good omens 2 spoilers#gos#gos spoilers#gos2#gos2 spoilers#gomens#gomens spoilers#gomens 2#gomens 2 spoilers#good omens s2 spoilers#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#aziraphale#crowley#mine#meta#character analysis#character study#discourse#making an effort#this literally took me a week to finish i really hope it doesn't sound stupid lol#i know I'm gonna wake up in a cold sweat every couple days bc i forgot to add something but i needed this out of my drafts and also my brain
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totally nuts completely cracked and frankly absolutely BONKERS whenever i see a fictional universe wherein, like, magic canonically exists and there’s all these different species and complex, intricate lore and worldbuilding, and somehow, some way, the one (1) gay character’s main plotline is STILL inevitably that they are gay and are suffering because of it. everything comes to a grinding halt while for them the minute they figure out they’re queer. it’s like, oh this guy can shoot fire out of his hands, yeah. there’s giant flying beasts all about and people can just go to different dimensions at will or something. but a world without homophobia? unimaginable. piss yourself now
#to be clear this is NOT in reference to any particular piece of media.#last post i reblogged just reminded me of how often i've encountered this weird phenomenon in the TV shows i've watched/books i've read#in the last few years#i don't have a great dislike for them either or even any real anger at the writers who do this!#90% of the time it's not being done maliciously!#it's just...as a queer person myself it gets a bit...frustrating when a character is finally revealed to be queer#and the moment they do any interesting plotline of theirs is (at least momentarily) put on hold#just for the show/book/what have you to stare at their audience and explain that homophobia/transphobia/etc. does in fact still exist here#are you seriously going to tell me that there are people with actual magical powers in this universe#but a world that is for once completely void of vile bigotry against my community is /reaching/? THAT'S too far huh?#please don't misunderstand what i'm saying here either. canonical homophobia doesn't automatically negate good rep!#but you know. can the queer character just continue with whatever it is that they were there to do in the first place WHILE being queer?#i could talk more about this and why i think it is that this is like...the main way that lgbtq characters are revealed as lgbtq#by straight creators but naw. no. no thanks. i choose to love myself#birdy chirps#q word
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I haven't seen anyone else talk about this yet so I'm going to assume no one has (and if this is the millionth post about this I am so sorry), but apparently there was a leak at Viacom last month, and one of the things that got leaked was the original Danny Phantom pitch bible, and let me tell y'all, there is some interesting lore to be had. I've taken the liberty of summing up a few notable points, but feel free to read for yourself - it's pretty short.
Jack was originally written as an ex-spy, test pilot... basically if it was a daring job, he probably had it. His IQ was supposedly only one point off from Maddie's, and his bumbling was more of a result of him being more "brave than smart."
Maddie was originally written as "one of the world's most respected theoretical physicists" and the brains between her and Jack. Get this: her full name was supposed to be Madison!
Sam and Danny's psychic connection was actually a result of the accident. When he was in the hospital and still very much saturated with ectoplasm, she gave him a "get better" kiss on the forehead, which sparked the connection. The connection would've manifested in a number of ways, including a perpetual ability to "sense" the other, see visions, and hear each other's thoughts, though it was supposed to be somewhat unpredictable.
Jazz hid her brains from her cheerleader friends because she wanted to fit in with them.
Danny was supposed to be the only person able to see, hear, and interact with ghosts.
On the subject of Danny, his reputation for being a scaredy-cat was much more well-known, even to the point where Sam and Tucker gave him the nickname Danny Phantom before he even had his accident. This kid was scared of his own shadow, frogs, you name it.
Overshadowing was originally called "ghosting," and the more intelligent a person, the more difficult it would be to control them.
Jack and Maddie were hoping to break the barrier between the "Real World" (our world) and the "Unreal World" (the ghost world). They wanted to get through to the spirit realm to be able to communicate with the dead in order to help make the world a better place (think picking Einstein's brain a little more, seeing what other music Mozart has cooking, etc.). That dimensional barrier was damaged when they first tried out their experiment, and Danny - who was hiding out from Dash in the lab - would be caught in the middle.
Much like how fans have interpreted things and how the show tried to imply, Danny felt responsible for unleashing the ghosts into our world and decided to adopt the name Sam and Tucker had teased him with to help put a stop to their reign of terror.
Seriously, y'all should read this. There's a lot of interesting info in here, and really it sounds like such a cool concept?? Like I'll probably add my personal thoughts in a reblog, but there's a lot of potential for untapped creativity from the phandom here. Plus it's always nice to see what's technically official content almost 20 years after the show's premiere.
#danny phantom#danny phantom bible#nickelodeon#dp#official content#pitch bible#danny phantom pitch bible#danny fenton#sam manson#tucker foley#jazz fenton#jack fenton#maddie fenton
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Borrowed Time
Charles Leclerc x single mother!Reader
Summary: you do everything in your power to make your sick son’s dream come true but what you don’t realize is that meeting his hero will change all of your lives forever
Warnings: terminal illness and death
“You know what would be the coolest, Mama?” The soft voice of your son, Luca, breaks through the silence of the hospital room.
You brush a stray hair from his forehead, trying to coax a smile onto your face despite the weight in your chest. “What’s that, sweetheart?”
“To meet Charles Leclerc. Just once. To tell him he’s my hero.” Luca’s eyes, though tired, gleam with that familiar spark every time he talks about Formula 1.
Your heart aches, knowing how much this means to him. “He is pretty amazing on the track, isn’t he?” You respond, reminiscing about the countless races you’ve both watched together from this very room.
Luca nods, holding his toy race car, a replica of Charles’ Ferrari. “Yeah, but it’s not just that. He never gives up, even when things get tough. Kinda like me.” There’s a hint of pride in his voice, making you marvel at his resilience.
You pull him close, tears threatening to spill. “You’re my hero too,” you whisper, kissing his temple.
He snuggles closer, murmuring, “I just wish I could meet him, Mama. Tell him he gives me strength.”
You take a deep breath, new resolve settling in. “You never know, my love. Miracles happen.”
The determination you feel is like a roaring fire and you silently vow to make Luca’s dream come true. No matter what it takes.
***
As the evening shadows stretch across the hospital room, you find yourself deep in thought, racking your brain for any means to make Luca’s wish a reality. You think about reaching out on social media, starting a campaign, anything to catch Charles Leclerc’s attention.
You start by posting on your personal pages: a heartfelt message accompanied by a picture of Luca holding his toy race car, the walls of his room adorned with posters of Charles racing. #LucaMeetsLeclerc, you caption it, hoping against hope that the message reaches the right eyes and ears.
The following days are a whirlwind. Friends, family, and even strangers share the post, and the hashtag starts trending in your community. Messages of support flood in and local news channels express interest in Luca’s battle.
One evening, after reading Luca a bedtime story, your phone buzzes with a notification. It’s an email from a name you don’t recognize but the subject line sends your heart racing: A Special Meeting.
Opening it hastily, your eyes skim over the words:
Dear Y/N,
I represent Charles Leclerc. We were deeply moved by Luca’s story and would like to arrange a meeting ...
Tears blur your vision and you can’t help but let out a soft sob of relief and joy. Luca, hearing your cry, looks up at you with curious eyes. “Mama? What’s wrong?”
You pull him into a tight embrace, trying to convey all the love and happiness you feel. “Sweetie,” you whisper, pulling back to meet his gaze, “I think your dream might just come true.”
Luca’s eyes widen and his smile lights up the room brighter than any lamp ever could. The journey to fulfill a lifelong dream has just begun.
***
The hospital room feels heavier than usual. The rhythmic beeping of monitors fills the silence as Luca plays absent-mindedly with his race car on the bed. Just as you are about to suggest a card game, a knock interrupts the monotony.
“Come in,” you call softly.
The door opens and to your astonishment, Charles Leclerc himself steps inside, a shy smile gracing his features. He seemed different than on the TV — more human, more vulnerable.
“Ciao, Luca,” Charles greets, his voice gentle.
Luca’s eyes widen, his jaw dropping. “You ... you’re real.”
Charles chuckles, pulling a chair closer to the bed. “Last time I checked, I am. Your mom tells me you’re quite the fan.”
Luca nods vigorously. “You’re my hero. When you race, I feel like I’m flying. Free from this …” He gestures vaguely at the hospital equipment surrounding him.
Charles’ eyes soften. “Thank you. That means a lot to me. But, you know, you’re a hero too. Racing against challenges every day.”
You watch their interaction, touched by Charles’ genuine empathy. “Thank you for coming. It ... it means the world.”
Charles turns to you, a depth of understanding in his eyes. “When I read about Luca, I saw more than just a fan. I saw a fighter. Just like on the track, it’s the fights we don’t see that often matter most.”
There is a brief silence, filled with unsaid emotions.
Luca’s voice, trembling with emotion, breaks the quiet. “I have a question, Charles. How do you stay brave even when you’re scared?”
Charles takes a moment before responding. “I focus on the present. Fear often comes from thinking about what might happen. But in the moment, there’s a job to do, a race to finish.”
Luca looks thoughtful. “So, you mean I should focus on now and not think about ... later?”
Charles nods, placing a comforting hand on Luca’s. “Exactly. Live in the now and remember that every race has its challenges. It’s how we face them that defines us.”
Tears well up in your eyes, gratitude and admiration for Charles swelling within you. Here he was, not just a racing star but a beacon of strength for your son.
“Thank you,” you whisper, voice choked with emotion.
Charles smiles, glancing between you and Luca. “No, thank you. Today, I met a true champion.”
***
“You know,” Charles begins, playing with the edges of the signed Ferrari cap he just gifted Luca, “I once met a kid, a bit older than you, at a race. He told me that every time he felt like giving up, he’d watch one of our races. Said it gave him hope."
Luca’s fingers trace the signature on the cap. “Is that why you race? For people like him ... and me?”
Charles leans back, gazing out the window for a moment. “Partly. But also for myself. Racing ... it’s my passion, my escape. It’s where I find my strength.”
You feel compelled to share your own perspective. “We all have our races, don’t we? For Luca, it’s here, fighting every day. For me, it's trying to be strong for him, even when I feel like falling apart.”
Charles looks at you intently. “It’s incredible the strength we find when it’s for someone we love. Your journey, your race, is just as important — is more important — than any I’ve been on.”
Touched by his words, you continue, “I watch you race. The precision, the dedication. It’s art. I want Luca to have something like that, something to pour his heart into.”
Luca chimes in, his voice soft, “I think I already have something. Watching races with Mama, it’s our thing. It helps me forget, even if just for a while.”
Charles leans forward, engaging Luca directly. “Then let’s make a promise. You keep fighting your race here and I'll keep racing out there. Deal?”
Luca’s smile is radiant. “Deal.”
There is a pause, a moment of reflection, before Charles turns to you. “You're an incredible mother. The strength you show, the love ... it’s palpable. And it reminds me so much of my own maman.”
You blink away tears. “We do what we have to for our children.”
He nods, a faraway look in his eyes. “She would always say the same thing after losing my father. And sometimes, despite all the pain and struggle, we find connections, kindred spirits, who remind us we’re not alone.”
You smile, feeling a deep bond forming, not just between Luca and Charles but between two souls who understood the depth of love, sacrifice, and hope.
***
“I have a proposition,” Charles offers, the twinkle in his eyes belying the gravity of his words.
You raise an eyebrow, intrigued. “Go on.”
“How would you both feel about attending a race in-person? I can make sure Luca is comfortable and you both get the full VIP experience.”
Luca’s face lights up with hope and disbelief. “Really? I ... I’d get to see you race in real life?”
Charles nods, “Right from the best seat in the paddock.”
You hesitate, considering the logistics, the health implications. “I don’t know. It’s a beyond generous offer but Luca’s health …”
Charles raise a hand, preempting your concerns. “I’ve thought about that. We have top medical facilities at the track and I’ll make sure we have everything necessary for Luca.”
“You’d do that for us?” you whisper, the weight of his offer sinking in.
Charles leans forward, sincerity evident in his gaze. “I’ve won races, stood on podiums. But the race Luca is running, the courage he’s showing ... it’s unmatched. I want him to see a race, not just as a spectator but as a fellow racer.”
Luca looks up, eyes brimming with tears. “You make it sound like I’m a hero. But I’m just trying to get by, just trying to ... to live.”
“And that’s what makes you a hero,” Charles replies gently. “Facing adversity and pushing through, not because of fame or accolades but because of love, hope, and sheer will.”
You feel a lump in your throat, deeply moved by Charles’ words. “It’s not just race wins or trophies that make you a champion, Charles. It’s moments like this. Thank you. This means more than words can say.”
He smiles, a touch of sadness in his eyes. “In the grand scheme of things, life is the most important race. And in that race, I’ve found two champions right here.”
***
In Monza, as you settle into the VIP area with Luca by your side, the excitement in the air is overwhelming in the best way possible. The roar of the engines, the sea of red flags, the bustling energy of the crowd — it is a sensory overload that fills Luca’s eyes with wonder.
“Monza is special, you know,” Charles whispers, kneeling next to Luca’s wheelchair, overlooking the historic Italian track. He slips off a red Ferrari bracelet from his wrist, its well-worn leather showing its age. “This was given to me when I first joined Ferrari. I like to think that it’s brought me luck ever since.”
Luca’s eyes widen, tracing the intricacies of the bracelet. “Why are you giving it to me?”
Charles smiles, “Today, I want you to hold onto my luck. Keep it safe for me, will you?”
Nodding fervently, Luca reverently holds the bracelet. “I promise.”
When Charles leaves to prepare for the race, Luca clutches the Ferrari bracelet to his heart. “Mama, did you see? He gave this to me. His lucky bracelet!”
You smile, brushing a tear from your cheek. “Yes, sweetheart. He wants you to keep it safe. It’s a piece of his heart.”
As the race progresses, you both watch in awe as Charles’ navigates the twists and turns of the circuit. Your heart races with every lap, both as a fan and as someone who had come to know the man behind the helmet.
And then, the moment you’d never forget — a triumphant finish, Charles Leclerc taking the checkered flag. The Tifosi erupts into cheers, and during the celebration, you almost swear that Charles’ eyes find yours among the crowd.
Over the radio, his voice crackles through the airwaves, reaching not just the pits but into your very soul. “This one’s for Luca. Keep fighting, champ.”
Luca’s eyes widen, his hand clutching the bracelet even tighter. “Did you hear, Mama? He said it for me!”
Tears well up in your eyes as you nod. “Yes, sweetheart. He said it for you.”
The post-race interview is a blur of emotions. Charles, sweaty and exhilarated, is asked about the race, about his victory. But then he pauses, his gaze distant yet focused, his voice trembling with emotion.
“This win ... it’s for someone very special. A young friend of mine named Luca. He’s fighting a battle much tougher than any race and his spirit, his courage — it’s what carried me through today. Luca, this is all for you.”
***
The roar of the crowd has faded but the emotional high from the race lingers. You, Luca, and Charles head back to the hotel provided by Ferrari with laughter and memories of the day filling the conversation.
However, as the night passes by, a chilling silence envelopes the room. Luca’s breathing becomes shallow, his skin clammy. Panic bubbles up within you. The medical equipment that was always close by in the hospital is absent here.
You rush to his side, your hands trembling as you try to comfort him. “Luca, honey, stay with me. Breathe.”
Charles, witnessing the scene, feels a deep pang of fear and helplessness. “I’ll call for help,” he says, fumbling for his phone.
As you count the seconds for first responders to arrive, Luca’s weak hand reaches out, clutching Charles’ wrist. His voice, barely a whisper, shares a desperate plea. “Charles, if ... if I don’t make it, promise me you’ll look after Mama. She’s strong but she'll need someone.”
Charles, tears blurring his vision, nods, squeezing Luca’s hand reassuringly. “I promise. But you’re a fighter. You have to keep racing, okay?”
Luca manages a faint smile. “Always racing, Charles. Always.”
Emergency services arrive soon, the room transforms into a flurry of medical professionals and machines. Charles wraps an arm around you, pulling you close as you both watched, praying for a miracle.
Hours feel like lifetimes. When the medical team finally manages to stabilize Luca, the emotional toll is evident in every face in the room.
You approach Luca’s bedside, gently stroking his forehead. “You gave us quite a scare, sweetheart.”
Luca, though exhausted, manages a faint smirk. “Had to keep the race interesting, right?”
Charles, his voice choked with emotion, adds, “Every race has its challenges, remember? You faced this one head-on, just like a true champion.”
Luca’s eyes meet Charles’ own, a depth of understanding passing between them. “Remember your promise,” he whispers.
Charles nods, his gaze drifting to you. “Always.”
***
“You know, I’ve seen some tough races,” Charles begins, his gaze distant, “but nothing compares to what I witnessed last night. The strength, the love, the sheer determination.”
You sigh, exhaustion stamped across your face. “Every day is a race. Some days, the finish line feels close, other days it feels miles away.”
Charles takes a deep breath, his voice wavering slightly, “I ... I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through but I want to be there, for both of you. Luca asked me to look after you and that’s a promise I intend to keep.”
You look up, surprised by the depth of his commitment. “You’ve done so much already. You’ve given Luca memories he will cherish forever.”
He moves closer, his eyes searching yours. “It’s not just about Luca. It’s about you too. Through this entire ordeal, the strength you’ve shown, the love … it’s made me see life in a different light.”
A silence envelopes the room, broken only by the rhythmic beeping of the machines monitoring Luca.
“I’ve raced all over the world,” Charles whispers, “but I’ve never met someone who’s touched my heart the way you both have. I want to be there for you, for whatever you need.”
You blink back tears, overwhelmed by the sincerity in his words. “It’s been so long since someone offered to share the load. I’m not sure I know how to let someone in anymore.”
Charles gently takes your hand. “One step at a time. Just like in a race. We face each challenge as it comes, together.”
A tear escapes, trailing down your cheek. “Thank you, Charles.”
He brushes the tear away, his touch lingering. “No, thank you. For letting me be a part of your world and for showing me what real strength looks like.”
***
“Look at that,” Luca murmurs, pointing towards the sunset painting the sky with hues of pink and orange. The three of you sit atop a hill overlooking the city, a picnic blanket spread beneath you.
Charles takes a deep breath, the fresh air filling his lungs. “You know, moments like this make me appreciate life even more. The simple joys, the beauty all around.”
You nod, taking in the serene view. “It’s easy to get caught up in the chaos and forget these moments exist.”
Luca’s eyes shimmer with a mix of mischief and wisdom beyond his years. “You two sound like philosophers. All I know is that this sandwich tastes amazing.”
You chuckle, ruffling his hair. “Always living in the moment, aren’t you?”
He grins. “That's the secret, Mama. We have to savor every bite, every sunset, every laugh.”
Charles, deeply moved, joins in. “You're right, Luca. In the races, I’ve learned that every second counts. It’s the same with life.”
Luca nods earnestly. “Exactly! You can’t rewind time. You can only enjoy it.”
The evening wears on with laughter, stories, and shared dreams. The three of you revel in the simplicity of the moment frozen in time.
As stars begin to sprinkle the night sky, Luca turns to Charles, a serious expression on his face. “Promise me something?”
Charles leans in, listening intently. “Anything.”
“Make more moments like this with Mama, even after ...” Luca's voice trails off, the unspoken words hanging heavily in the air.
Charles squeezes Luca’s hand, his voice thick with emotion. “I promise, champ. Moments full of love, laughter, and sunsets.”
Luca’s watery laugh has tears pooling in your eyes. “You know, when you look at the sunset, remember me. Remember this moment.”
You turn to him, tears now overflowing. “Luca …”
He smiles, a mixture of melancholy and contentment in his gaze. “I may not be here forever but I'll always be a part of these sunsets. A part of you.”
Charles, his voice a gentle whisper, adds, “And a part of me.”
***
“Mama?” Luca’s voice, frail and delicate like the gossamer wing of a butterfly, quivers with fear.
You lean in closer, grasping his hand between both of yours, heart heavy. “Yes, my love?”
He swallows hard, searching your eyes with his own clouded ones. “I’m scared, Mama. I don’t want to go.”
Tears blur your vision but you muster a brave smile for him. “I know, sweetheart. But remember our sunsets? Sometimes, the sun has to set to make way for a new dawn.”
Luca’s fingers weakly grip yours. “But what if it’s dark, Mama? What if it hurts? What if I’m all alone?”
Charles, unable to remain a silent spectator, interjects, his voice cracking with emotion. “You won’t be. It will be just like falling asleep. You’ll have the sunsets, the memories, and all the love we’ve shared. That light will never fade. We will always be here. I promise.”
Luca’s eyes shimmer with tears but also a glimmer of hope. “Will you sing for me, Mama? The song from when I was small?”
Your heart breaks, remembering the countless nights you’d sung him to sleep. Taking a deep breath, you begin, your voice soft and lulling:
“You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine,
You make me happy
When skies are gray ...”
Luca’s breathing slows, his grip on your hand loosening.
“You’ll never know, dear,
How much I love you,
Please don’t take
My sunshine away.”
As the final note leaves your lips, Luca’s chest rises gently one last time, then stills. The room is silent, save for your heart-wrenching sobs.
Charles steps closer, wrapping his arms around you as you crumple into him, your world shattering. “I’ve got you,” he whispers, tears streaming down both your faces.
***
The somber quiet of the funeral is punctuated by the soft cries of mourners. The backdrop of gentle flowers contrast starkly with the weight of the grief in the air.
Charles stands next to you, holding a polished helmet, the vibrant colors of his Monza race-winning headgear gleaming under the sun. He turns to face you, eyes red-rimmed.
“This,” he starts, voice choked, “is my helmet from Monza. The race we won together. He was my co-driver that day, in spirit.”
You take a shaky breath, reaching out to touch the helmet, feeling its cool surface, the memories of that day flooding back. “He would’ve been so proud to have this.”
Charles nods, tears streaming down his face. “And this,” he says, taking the Ferrari bracelet off his wrist, “he held onto it for me once. I ... I want him to have it. To keep it safe.”
You clutch the bracelet, feeling its familiar weight, the leather still warm from Charles’ wrist. “It meant the world to him. And to me. Thank you.”
The two of you stand side by side, staring at the small casket adorned with flowers and memories. The embodiment of a life cut short but filled with love and unforgettable moments.
Together, you place the helmet and bracelet inside, a final tribute to a young racer whose journey had inspired so many.
“He’s free now,” Charles whispers, his voice barely audible. “Racing in the skies, no pain, no limits.”
You nod, tears flowing freely. “Our little champion, forever.”
Charles pulls you into a tight embrace, both of you finding solace in each other’s warmth. The wind picks up, rustling the leaves, carrying with it the memories of a brave soul, forever remembered, forever missed.
***
The familiar crest of the hill looms ahead, the very spot where laughter and dreams once danced in the wind. You and Charles reach the top, the vast expanse of the horizon stretching out before you. The setting sun casts a golden hue, much like that unforgettable evening a year ago.
Charles lays down a blanket, reminiscent of that day, and the two of you sit, lost in memories. The silence isn’t empty — it’s filled with remembrance of a young boy’s laughter, his dreams, his courage. The hole he left behind in your hearts.
“Do you ever feel,” Charles hesitantly cuts through the quiet, “that Luca is still here with us, watching these sunsets?”
A tear slips down your cheek. “All the time. Every time I close my eyes under the setting sun or look up at the sky, I feel his presence.”
Charles takes a deep breath, struggling with his emotions. “I’ve been thinking about a way to honor Luca. To keep his spirit alive.”
You turn to him, eyes questioning.
“A foundation,” Charles begins, “In Luca’s name. To help children with terminal illnesses and their families. To give them hope, love, memories.”
You feel a rush of emotion, a tidal wave of love and loss. “He would have loved that. To know he’s making a difference even now.”
Charles nods, tears rolling down his cheeks. ‘It’s not just about the financial help. It’s about the moments, the memories. The sunsets and the picnics. The dreams and the hopes.”
You intertwine your fingers with his, drawing strength from the bond you’ve forged. “We’ll do it together. For Luca.”
The sun slowly dips below the horizon. As the first star appears, a sense of peace envelops the two of you. In the heart of sorrow, a new purpose is born, ensuring that Luca’s light continues to shine, guiding countless souls out of the darkness.
***
The sun sets in a blaze of colors, casting a warm glow over the hill that has become a symbolic memorial. Charles and you sit side-by-side, hand-in-hand, watching the bittersweet horizon.
A small voice breaks through the silence. “Mama, Papa, why do we come here?”
You turn to your daughter, a smile tugging at your lips. Lucia, with her curious eyes and radiant smile, is a constant reminder of love and life renewed.
“We come here to remember someone very special,” Charles explains gently, his eyes, so similar to your daughter’s, filled with tenderness.
Lucia looks at you both, a hint of understanding in her innocent gaze. “Luca?”
You nod, voice soft. “Yes, sweetheart. Your big brother. We come here to celebrate him, to tell stories about him, and to show him how much we love him.”
Lucia frowns slightly. “But I never got to meet him.”
You stroke her hair, your heart aching and swelling simultaneously. “He’s always with us, in our hearts. Just like you are.”
Charles leans down, wiping away a tear that escapes your eye. “And you’re named Lucia after him, to carry his memory forward.”
Lucia’s eyes light up, smile shining bright. “I’m like a part of him?”
“Yes,” you say, your voice filled with emotion. “A part of him lives on in you. In all of us.”
As the sun dips below the horizon, bathing the world in twilight, you hold each other tightly, a family united by love, loss, and the enduring spirit of a young boy whose legacy lives on in every sunset, every star, and every beat of your hearts.
#f1 imagine#f1#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 fanfiction#f1 x reader#f1 x you#charles leclerc#cl16#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc fic#charles leclerc fluff#charles leclerc fanfic#charles leclerc blurb#f1 blurb#f1 one shot#f1 x y/n#f1 drabble#f1 angst#f1 fandom#f1blr#f1 x female reader#charles leclerc x female reader#charles leclerc x y/n#scuderia ferrari#charles leclerc one shot#charles leclerc drabble
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Astro Observations 🌱
Disclaimer: This is my first Astrology post! I tried to do this earlier this year but tumblr lagged and it deleted all of my hard work lol. But now I’ve gained the courage to give it another go! I’m not a professional astrologer. I just study it in depth when I have time. Still very much a beginner. Please be kind and if I’m misinformed let me know! If you want to repost my work please credit me. This also has personal opinions in here don’t take it too seriously babes!
🌾 I don’t typically think Leo’s and Scorpios go together romantically BUT any other relationship outside of that exudes power team. For ex: Kylie and Kris Jenner. Scorpios are known to love power and Leo’s love the spotlight! Kylie was bound to be a favorite after her « ugly duckling » phase. Kylie rolls in the dough and Kris keeps that empire going. I’ve seen many Scorpio parents with Leo kids and they really seem to love them the most lol
Let’s talk about underdeveloped placements real quick!
🌿 Having a parent that is toxic or underdeveloped and has placements that fall into your second house can obliterate your self worth. ESPECIALLY if you have planets in that house and their placements are exactly conjunct 0° or 1-3°.
🌾 If your mars sign is exactly square one of your parents mars or 1-5° orb… 🌚 take the steps to move out if you haven’t already it’s for the best.
🌿 Capricorn moons I wish I could hug all of you. You had to grow up so fast and got handed some of the worst cards. But nevertheless resilience is your middle name. As you age things will get easier if you stand on business! Integrity is key.
🌾 I know libras are known to be superficial or whatever and I’m kinda one of them lol. I literally live off of aesthetics and I typically have nice skin but when I have a massive break out? I literally want to hide until they’re gone. My stress is next level when I don’t look my best.. I’m also a Leo Venus 😅 in the tenth house at that and have cancelled plans when I look and feel shitty.
🌿 All of the air signs almost always value intellectual stimulation first from their partner. Someone they can have great rapport, banter with. Someone that’s witty and knows a wide variety of subjects or has many interests is very hot. Sagittarius is the air sign of the fire signs so I’ll loop them in on this too.
If we lost any zodiac element, it would bring chaos to the entire world.
🌾 Air brings logic and reasoning, water brings compassion and empathy, earth brings grounding and patience, fire brings passion and vitality. Life is about interconnectedness.
🌿 I remember reading a blog that the gods put the constellation of Libra in between Virgo and Scorpio because they were too much alike and it’s so true lol. Both signs can be so compulsive and it’s overwhelming from what I’ve heard from Virgo and Scorpio placements. I can also see this easy going equivalence being the case for Sagittarius being in between Scorpio and Capricorn. The benefics happy go luckies in between the malefics drained and over it.
🌾… moon 3rd house overlay is addictive especially combined with 7th/8th/12th overlays in that synastry. I don’t think I can ever do that again unless we both have it overlaying each others charts. Someone’s moon in your 3rd house, their mind fascinates you and it’s easy to communicate with them you feel seen and heard. You dream about them, you think about them all the freaking time. It is the most annoying thing because why are you taking up my brain space like that bro? I had this with someone and I still think about them it’s been over for quite some time now. Another person that’s in love with me, my moon falls into their 3rd house and they tell me how much they think about me and day dream about me. I had said issue of daydreaming with the other guy. 2/10 would not recommend unless moon person is developed.
🌿 When the moon transits your first house you’re more likely to be more emotional and make drastic changes to your physical features! When Doja Cat shaved her head the moon was transiting her first house and I literally did mine the next day when it was transiting my first house.
🌾 Opinion but I love Pisces placements they are so helpful and loving when developed. I think the underdeveloped ones are too but they expect something out of it where the developed ones are just really selfless. I’m a Pisces Stan! I have so many in my life lol I have no Pisces placements. My 5H is in Pisces lol
🌿 Degree theory is that gworl. It helps you relate to the planet and it’s placement more depending on what the degree rules. For example I was dating a Sagittarius Venus in the 9th house at the 9° and he embodied that free spirited nature of Sag Venus fr. Another example, you can be a Pisces Venus but it’s in your first house at the first degree and the way you love embodies a more aries way of loving. Fiery, passionate a bit aggressive but very deep and tender to the core.
🌾 I’ve also heard the theory of when you reach the age of certain degrees of the placements you have you unlock that placements characteristics. Something significant happens to you during that age or you might master that placement regarding the planet and house placement.
🌿 The degree of your rising sign is more than likely the age of something significant happen in your physical life/to you physically. This is tea y’all.
🌾 You most likely share placements or degrees in your chart with your siblings. My sister is a Scorpio sun, Aries rising, Virgo moon and I’m a Libra sun, Scorpio rising, Aries moon. If I was born two days earlier I would’ve been a Virgo sun and if she was born one or two days later she would’ve been a Libra moon. So I think thats pretty cool. We’re also both Venus dominant and she has a Libra stellium 💗. You really choose your family for your next life lol like that’s so crazy to me.
🌿 Ima say dis with my chest. STOP doing wrong by Saturn ruled placements!!! Saturn is ruled by Capricorn, Aquarius in traditional astrology and we cannot forget about its exalted sign in Libra. As a Libra, I receive karma with the quickness but also people that have done wrong by me their quality of life decreases and or whichever house Saturn is in their chart is deeply affected in the worst ways.. daddy Saturn don’t play bout his! Be fair and follow the golden rule. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
🌾 Having heavy Sagittarius placements in your chart makes you open to learn different languages or different cultures.. just always wanting to learn. Whatever house it’s in you want to master in life.
🌿 The mutables Gemini Virgo Sagittarius Pisces love their niches, they are the teachers and preachers of the zodiac.
🌾 Geminis have the gift of gab more than any other zodiac. Sagittarius could possibly go toe to toe with them
🌿 If anyone ever tries to degrade you for studying astrology and eggs you on to prove this practice to be true, get their birth info and read them their Chiron sign and house placement. Hit ‘em where it hurts!
🌾 Scorpio and Libra placements are usually the generational trauma breakers of their family. Honorable mention- Saturns children, Capricorn and Aquarius
🌿 An undeveloped Capricorn placement that enters your life is literally satan reincarnated to torture you for whatever you did wrong in your past life. And I (if u were raised around Christianity) believe Jesus was a Pisces/Aries! I can argue about this all day! In tarot Capricorn rules the devil! Like hellooooo
🌾 Sixth house/Virgo placements are pretty good at taking care of pets and plants. They feel the most sane around nature and animals.
🌿 Personal planets harmoniously aspected to Neptune make the person seem very angelic like. Very soft souls, earth angels. Hard aspects have people having an even more distorted projection of you.
🌾 Personal planets harmoniously aspected or not to Uranus gives you that shock factor some people will be repelled and some people will be very intrigued.
🌿 Aries placements especially sun and moon are really loyal! I’m talking mostly platonically. Once they see you as their person they are truly ride or die.
🌾 Cancer placements can be one of the most loving and giving when developed. Some spiteful mfs when underdeveloped omg.
🌿 I realize cancer placement women get treated with the cutest romantic gestures. I think they lovers want to do these things for them because they give off ethereal or princess vibes but they’re also real nasty in the sheets lol
🌾 Cancers don’t really get a bad rep even when they do shady things. For example: Selena Gomez when she dated Abel even tho she was cool with Bella was super weird. And I think a lot of people forgot how Kevin hart cheated on his wife like it was nothing lol. Ariana grande with the donuts and now the Ethan thing chileee. It’s like they get a second of backlash and then everyone adores them again lol.
🌿 Having a grand trine in your chart can make you so damn lazy in the houses those planets/figures are in 🥹🥲. It’s crazy cuz that talent(s) will come natural to you and you’ll over look it! Please don’t.
🌾 Grand squares are TOUGH but it pushes you to break cycles and overcome so much in your life. Same with t-squares
🌱 Astrology is really a map. It shows you which path you can take and where you can end up when you include discernment and discipline into your daily life. It’s never an excuse to behave the way you do. Ultimately it helps us reach our most aligned and enlighten self! I hope you all enjoyed. 🌱
Idk why I can’t figure out how to delete this question thing so let’s do a cute lil questionnaire!
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I have always been wary of the psychiatric industry, but its only very recently that i started to read anti-psychiatric works. Your blog is the first time i saw that the "chemical imbalances causing mental illness" is a myth, and honestly its something im having a hard time wrapping my head around.
Is it that mood regulation struggles, labelled as a mental illnesses, has more to do with outside factors instead of the person "just being that way"? Is it therefore unlikely for someone to have struggles with mood regulation if they cant identify any external causes that would cause them to be, for example, extremely agoraphobic or to have anger management issues? Im asking this for myself mainly, cause i always had intense agoraphobia no matter how i often go outside my home (in fact it was worse when i was a teen and i was outside the house in even more back then). I cant think of any reason for me to be like this than chemical imbalances in my brain.
the specific 'chemical imbalance' myth i was talking about in this post is the idea that depression is caused by low serotonin, and that therefore SSRIs—serotonin re-uptake inhibitors, ie drugs that cause a higher level of serotonin in the brain—ought to cure or at least ameliorate depression. this conjecture is belied by the fact that SSRIs don't, at a population level, reliably perform better than placebo.
although a neurobiological cause of 'mental illness' has long been the holy grail of psychiatry, the serotonin imbalance myth is far from the only hypothesis that psychiatrists and neuroscientists have proposed. so, a critique of the serotonin myth is not synonymous with, or generalisable to, a critique of every neurobiological mechanism purported to explain psychiatric diagnoses. you may be interested to know, though, that genomics and neuroscience have not identified a biological cause of any psychiatric diagnosis (p. 851).
all human experiences are biologically instantiated, including in the brain and wider nervous system. we are embodied beings. however, it is a leap to assume that such instantiation is automatically equivalent to a causal explanation or disease etiology. in other words, to deny that psychiatric diagnoses are known to be biologically caused does not mean we deny that thoughts and thought patterns express in the physical matter of neuroanatomy. this is a major philosophical sticking point to keep in mind whenever you're looking at something like, eg, a study that purports to show 'brain differences' in those assigned a certain psychiatric diagnosis. another thing to consider is whether these papers are plagued with methodological issues or financial conflicts of interest.
i can't possibly tell you why you exhibit agoraphobia. however, when i talk about social, economic, and environmental factors that may contribute to the patterns of behaviour labelled as 'mental illness', i'm talking about much more than the individual choice to leave your house. since phobias are 'anxiety disorders', i might start by probing into questions like: is the world you live in safe? do you perceive it as safe? do you or your community face existential threats that may confront you more obviously when you go outside? are you nervous around other people, and if so, might that be connected to fears (well-founded or not) about interpersonal violence and harm? do you think any of these anxieties may be connected to the hostility and inaccessible design of the social environment and economic conditions?
human behaviour and thought varies. some of those variations may be totally benign; others may be helpful or harmful to the person living with them. it would be weird if every single one of the 8 billion people on earth experienced precisely the same amount of anxiety about any situation, no? all of this is to say: yeah, it's entirely possible you have been, for one reason or another (genetic, neuroanatomical, social, &c) predisposed to experience high, even debilitating levels of anxiety when leaving your home. most human characteristics develop from a tangle of social, environmental, material causes—ie, from a combination of 'nature' and 'nurture'. what doesn't follow, though, is the claim that there is therefore a discrete, 'diseased' element of your brain or brain functioning that can simply be cured or eliminated through psychiatric intervention.
it is a critical point of anti-psychiatry to challenge psychiatric and neuroscientific claims to neurobiological determinism where psychiatric diagnoses are concerned. this is for many reasons, including: a) that these claims have not been demonstrated to actually be true [see above]; b) that they rob pathologised people of agency and self-determination [see: you're too sick to know you're sick, and the doctor will fix you now]; c) that they are often pushed by pharmaceutical companies with financial interests, or grant-funded researchers with... financial interests; d) that they are politically seductive in various eugenic, hereditarian discourses that seek to eliminate the biologically 'unfit' element from society.
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Dazai and Ranpo: The Two Geniuses of the ADA
The thought about making a post about Dazai and Ranpo's teamwork has been plaguing my mind for a while now, and so I finally found some time and decided to go through with it.
So let's talk about one of my favourite underrated duos for a moment. The two geniuses of the ADA- Dazai and Ranpo. Two people who make a wonderful team and are actually, in my opinion, the backbone of the agency.
What I find interesting is that (though I believe that Dazai respects and admires all members of the ADA) Dazai openly admires Ranpo A LOT. He's always quick to praise Ranpo (basically fanboying over him and it's quite adorable to see Dazai gush over someone like that other than Oda) and in 'Dazai's Entrance Exam' we see him being surprised over the fact that Ranpo's ability is not actually an ability and we see him further praise Ranpo's intellect after finding that out.
Despite the fact that Dazai is a huge mystery, even to the people around him, Ranpo figured out that there was something up with Dazai in just a single glance (in 'Dazai's entrance exam'). And despite knowing that Dazai was probably hiding a sinister past, he didn't press him any further for details (probably in order to respect his privacy or his wish to not disclose his past OR maybe due to the the fact that knowing Dazai, he most likely wouldn't answer truthfully even if questioned about it)
What I also love is that even though both of them are extremely intelligent, their intellect differs in such a way that Ranpo is a master of deduction and Dazai is a master of manipulation (as stated by Kunikida in 'The Daily Routine of the Detective Agency'). However, one thing both of them share in common is that they both felt isolated due to their nature.
They may have limited interactions but their interactions are always my favourite, for instance-
1. Dazai's entrance exam - Dazai's admiration and respect towards Ranpo
2. Season 1 - Murder on D-Street - Dazai showing a good understanding of Ranpo's deduction process and acknowledging that Ranpo caught onto more details than him
3. Season 2 - "Mountains or sea?" " Sea. "
Showing their unspoken communication. They can read each other's minds at this point lol.
4. Season 3 - Ranpo basically acknowledging that Dazai would be a tough opponent to go up against by comparing Fyodor to him (sort of praising his intellect in a way)
5. Season 5 - The Strongest Man in the Agency- Ranpo
Dazai keeping an eye on Fyodor while leaving the rest to Ranpo
Dazai relying on his allies- trusting Ranpo to negotiate with Bram in order to undo the vampire curse.
6. Dead Apple - Ranpo seeing through Dazai's plan beforehand.
7. 55 minutes - Seeing through upcoming events beforehand, one thing Dazai made sure was to inform Ranpo about the whole fiasco on Standard Island in order to save the Agency in the end.
Also, sidenote: I found out that the Dazai and Ranpo duo is named Souheki, which translates to double jade. Now, I'm not sure if this information is fanon or canon (feels more like fanon tbh but I really like it because it's a pretty name)
Anyway, one thing we can say for sure is that as long as the two geniuses of the Agency- Souheki work together, the ADA will most likely remain undefeated cause no one really does it like them
Lastly, just some food for thought. I've always wondered how Dazai would react if he found out that Ranpo met Oda TWICE and the second time he met him was right before Oda went on to his certain death.
Honestly, I would LOVE to see more fleshed out and direct interactions between these two.
#i wish tumblr allowed more than 10 photos in a post cause I wanted to add so many more#cant believe this has been sitting in draft for like 6 months now#the two geniuses of the ADA>>>#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd meta#bsd analysis#bsd dazai#bsd ranpo#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#ranpo edogawa#souheki#bsd ramblings#bsd s5
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