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bonzos-number-1-fan · 3 months

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What DPHW Means, and Its Relationship to Smirke's 14

The following contains spoilers for all of TMA, TMP (eps 1, 2, and 3 released currently if you’re in the future), and the ARG. Spoilers for all of this are throughout so I would advise against reading any of this unless you've listened to everything mentioned. It could also spoil episodes of TMP that have yet to release but if it does I don't think it will be a major spoiler. If I'm right I think I'm only right about a fairly trivial piece of information.

Theory of Fears; or, Zur Furchtlehre

Part 1: Opticks

Smirke's 14 isn't the truth. With or without Dekker's +1. It is, however, necessary and correct. It has also been talked about ad nauseam and isn't a topic I want to dedicate a lot of time to. Smirke's 14+1, or even TMA in general, isn't the focus of this theory nor is it that relevant past its necessity as a point of comparison.

There aren't 14+1 distinct entities in the TMA cosmology. There is a singular entity that has been given divisions by fear and labels by those that have witnessed it. There is no objective line in which to draw these divisions. No matter where you put them or what you name them these concepts will always bleed into each other. Aspects of one Entity will manifest in another because the labels are invented and Fear is a storm of concepts crashing into each other. That's not a flaw in Smirke's list but its strength. A single entity of that scale is impossible to discuss in meaningful terms, the concept has too much gravity to be properly conceptualised and so an entire spectrum of fear must be divided in order to combat it. Categorisation is a vital part of TMA's cosmology and Smirke was as correct as anyone to put those lines down where he did. The real flaw with Smirke's list is forgetting the spectrum exists and stopping seeing the shades in between the Powers.

Finding a way to categorise this concept is important, but the methodology isn't. Smirke's 14 isn't the truth. The only truth is there is a singular whole. But branding goes a long way both in terms of research and in terms of following. This branding lacks accuracy though, it is in large part arbitrary and by its nature removes the shades and the bleed. TMP takes a different approach, one only hinted at, but one that I think is now fully explainable.

Part 2: Lost in Translation

Perhaps the most interesting mystery in TMP thus far is DPHW. However, I think based on episodes 1 and 2 of TMP (and now 3), and the Klaus excel sheet from the ARG, we have all we need to explain its utility.

In order to show that conclusion in a satisfactory manner some basic facts need stating, and the order of my thoughts on those facts needs explaining. Firstly, each DPHW is 4 digits. Secondly, each DPHW is read as 4 numbers rather than, say, a pair of 2 numbers. Thirdly, these numbers can change independently of each other. Fourthly, incidents may share CAT#R#'s but have a different DHPW as found in the Klaus sheet (a German document listing OIAR-style incident reports). Finally, the German equivalent of DPHW is TSHU also found in the Klaus sheet. We can use those facts to determine something important. Each letter of this initialism is paired with a digit meaning that DHPW is a group of 4 categories. If that is true we can intuit some of its meaning. It is likely that these numbers are a rating of sorts for each category there. To prove that's the case we would need to know the categories and fortunately we have a starting point to understanding it, German.

If the categories that DPHW describes start with the letters TSHU in German then what needs to be done to find the categories is quite simple. You pair each letter up and then find a suitable word to categorise the supernatural whose first letter starts with the respective letter from the initialism in its language. D/T, P/S, H,H, W/U. After some brainstorming in the Statement Remains PLUS Discord server we had come up with strong candidates for 3 of the 4 pairs.

The first was Deadly/Tötlich, a seemingly solid start that gave this theory some legs. Next was Painful/Schmerzlich which was a distinct enough category for the threat of an incident that proved this was a strong direction to head it. H/H proved more troublesome. To my mind the two strongest contenders here were Hypnotic/Hypnotisch or Helpless/Hilflos. Both sound very reasonable but that in itself is a problem. However the last one was found relatively easily as Weird/Unheimlich. With 3 of the 4 it seemed like this was all but correct at this stage. However, I had been thinking about this backwards and it wasn't until I had a revelation that the pieces really fell into place.

Unheimlich sounded familiar when it was suggested but not in a way I could place. It wasn't until the next day that the aforementioned revelation happened. The ARG had a huge focus on Germany, and Ep 1 of TMP revealed why. FR3-D1 uses German source code which makes German the original language for the OIAR's methodology. Meaning DPHW is the translation, and I now think it's a shoddy one at best. The reason unheimlich sounded so familiar to me is because it's a fairly important part of psychology's history.

DPHW's Weird isn't weird, DPHW's Weird is uncanny. A direct translation could give you weird but a more accurate one, especially in this instance, gives you unheimlich. Unheimlich as in Jentsch's "Zur Psychologie des Unheimlichen", and Freud's "Das Unheimlich". Both of which are essays on the uncanny. It's all about the fear of the unfamiliar, and a central example of this is Olympia from Der Sandmann, a seemingly living doll.

The German word unheimlich is obviously the opposite of heimlich, heimisch, meaning “familiar,” “native,” “belonging to the home”; and we are tempted to conclude that what is “uncanny” is frightening precisely because it is not known and familiar... - Freud, The Uncanny

This is incredibly relevant to a lot of what has been discovered so far. The uncanny as a topic in psychology was kickstarted by two Germans, and a central part of their essays was the German Der Sandmann, and a German, SSandman, was a large presence in the ARG. The strength of this connection all but solidified this theory in my mind. And, briefly, this is also related to Masahiro Mori's uncanny valley hypothesis which I'm sure I won't need to explain.

The obvious way to test this is to take the few W ratings we have been given and compare them to the incident to which they're assigned. The first is from Ep 1, “dolls comma watching”, and was given a 7. This is a good start both in that a 7 feels appropriate as an "uncanny rank" but also that a doll is a focal point on the essays on the subject. Also in Ep 1 is "Reanimation (Partial)", again with a 7. Another very appropriate number. The last in Ep 1 is "Transformation (eyes)" with a 5. Certainly less uncanny than the previous examples so this is still strong. In Ep 2 we get a 5 for Bram Stoker's Dracula, which seems more than fair for a strange man like him, and a 7 for Frankenstein which gives parity for another story of the resurrected dead. Finally we get "Transformation (full)" at a 7, more uncanny than "Transformation (eyes)" which tracks nicely.

With what I felt was such a strong theory for the W/U pairing it helped clarify the ideas of the others. The final digit rating the uncanniness of an incident gives an idea of how these categories work and the breadth of their definitions. Up until this point I was leaning towards Hypnotic/Hypnotisch for our H/H pairing. But giving it more thought, and comparing it to TMA's own groupings, it becomes apparent that Helpless/Hilflos is more appropriate. Hypnotic effects are too aligned with things that would already be very aligned with Uncanny ones, the Stranger's Not!Them alter memories and prey on the fear of something being not quite right, so as a categorisation tool I think it makes less sense because of the greater overlap. Helpless on the other hand works better for things like The Dark, The Buried, or The Lonely. Aspects which I don't think show up in our current other 3 groups. But given the current definition of the strongest category, the fear of the uncanny, I think that helplessness is a more apt label. The fear of helplessness. Which makes H Helplessness/Hilflosigkeit.

With this level of breadth established re-examination of the final two categories is warranted. Painful/Schmerzlich is more likely to be Pain/Schmerz. Not just incidents that are themselves painful but the fear of pain, possibly including the emotional. A comparison to TMA gives this rating a strong affiliation with Entities such as The Desolation, The Corruption, or the Flesh. Similarly Deadly/Tötlich should now be broadened beyond the fear of things that will kill you, to the fear of death in a broader sense. Which makes D/T Death/Tod instead. To compare again to TMA this is The End, The Extinction, or The Slaughter. Although, while I might be describing these ideas as the fear of ____ I think it's important to know that they do appear to be more conceptual in nature rather than just if something is scary or not.

Comparing each of these assumed categories against current DPHW’s strengthens this argument. “Dolls, watching” scored 1157. It’s a very low fear of death and pain, but they present a medium fear of helplessness and a high fear of the weird. For a fear that’s rooted in paranoia that makes good sense. “Reanimation (Partial)” got a very similar rating, at 5257, but it being a corpse cranks up its fear of death. “Transformation (eyes)” got 2155 which, again, seems to fall in place with what we know. It’s more human than the doll is so it’s less weird but a physical and alarming transformation naturally seems like more of a terminal concern. Combine that with some good ol' internet death threats and it's not nothing, but not much.

As a small aside, while it's not come up in the episodes so far the Klaus sheet shows DPHW's are 0-9. There is a good bit of evidence to suggest 0 might be read as 10 here. 0 most commonly showed up in that sheet for P and the incidents often had the notes "Kriegsvolk". Literally "war people" but more accurately "army/soldier". So pain of 10 for those would track better than P of 0, and it explains why things like the watching doll rate a 1 for D and P instead of a 0, and Dr. Webber's infection is a P of 1 despite entirely removing physical and emotional pain as it goes. Because 1 is the lowest.

For Ep 2 we start with Dracula scoring a 7465, he’s undead and a killer for high death, if he kills you it hurts but it’s not extreme, he’s both hard to physically stop and has mental tricks, and he’s just a weird dude in general who always seems off somehow. Frankenstein at 5337 has aforementioned parity with the reanimation incident as you’d expect but notably less on the helplessness rating as he is just a man. Next is “Transformation (full)” at 1567. This is generally a more severe rating overall than Transformation (eyes) and you’d expect that, but I think it does show something interesting. At no point did Daria want to end her own life. The transformation is far more severe, arguably looks more life threatening, and was clearly more painful but it is explicitly and repeatedly not about dying. I take that as a suggestion that these ratings take into account more than just the mundanely observable nature of the incident. She looks very sick which would make you think of death but it rates low for it because of the emotional, or maybe supernatural, purpose of the incident. She didn’t want to die, the manifestation didn’t try to kill her, and so despite its appearance it’s low on death.

Then finally in Ep 3, we have "Infection (full body)" with a 8175. (Although I'm assuming that's a misfile and it should be Infection (Arboreal)). I think D and H here are more interesting to dig into. P is pretty obvious it's the lowest rating because it seemed actively pain-numbing as it went. W being 5 tracks too is certainly uncanny and has strange geometry but it's not full Distortion levels. So with those two out of the way we can get to the good stuff. D is the most interesting of the two to me. Because while it's pretty clear he died I don't think that's got much to do with it. Rather I think the 8 is more specifically about the way it deals with death, decay, and rot in relation to new life and the growth of other things, plants and insects. Thematically, I think there is a lot more emphasis on death as a broader concept beyond the terminal nature of the infection. For Helplessness there is also an additional element beyond whether or not he was able to do something about the infection, and that's whether he wanted to. As the symptoms worsened his desire to treat them decreased. Initially he was worried about the infection and determined to seek attention when able, then he was happy to let someone else help instead (a hallucination, which makes things more helpless), before finally wanting it to happen. These sorts of elements are things I think we're going to see factor in quite a lot.

In summary; it is my belief that DPHW is a way to rate incidents that the OIAR catalogue based upon the strength of the fear they elicit in the categories of death, pain, helplessness, and weird (uncanny). This system is effectively the TMP equivalent to Smirke's 14 from TMA. Rather than assigning each statement to an Entity each incident is rated for those qualities. These systems are distinct methodologies but each is a way to categorise the supernatural.

Part 3: On Analogy

That is the juicy bit of this post out of the way so now I have to put a bow on it and touch upon the overarching analogy here. As alluded to by the title and some turns of phrase, it's colour theory. It's a somewhat common analogy for TMA's fears but I think it applies in equal measure to TMP and taken together might provide an insight into how the cosmologies will differ. So, to me, colour theory is not only the perfect lens in which to view the Fears as a whole, it's the perfect lens to view these methodologies.

Smirke is Newton. He broke up a singular spectrum into wide chunks. The Dread Powers themselves are very analogous to a colour wheel. Colours bleed into each other and the boundaries of where one stops and starts is up for debate but red is still red, and blue is blue. That is a useful context for them, it aids discussion. Try talking about red without ever saying red and only referring to a representation of a divided whole. But all too similar to Newton's 7 colours Smirke's 14 lacks nuance, it lacks shade.

On the other hand we have DPHW and this is all shade. DPHW is CMYK. It's not one thing or another with DPHW. You don't have the pitfall of Smirke's methodology where one manifestation is in one arbitrary box. Here, assuming I'm correct, each incident is made up of constituent parts. The OIAR, and presumably its German forebear, are less interested in Smirke's occult ancient gods and more interested in bureaucratic precision. Smirke was doing research while the OIAR are doing administration. As such DPHW takes a wholly different approach. It's now all shades. This has its own problems in that it's harder to discuss in broad terms. It's such a specific methodology that it's lost a lot of what Smirke triumphed with. This is well represented already given that no one has been shown to know what it means at all yet. But if there is a truly different cosmology at play here we might see the axes of DPHW being where alliances fall.

All that leaves us with is a comparison of these two. The only way to really do that is to talk about how Smirke's 14+1 would fit in DPHW's system. This is something I touched upon briefly. Death is strongly related to The End, The Extinction, or The Slaughter. Pain to The Desolation, The Corruption, or the Flesh. Helplessness to The Dark, The Buried, or The Lonely. Weird to the Stranger, or the Spiral. But that's not all of them and even within those it's already clear that something like The Vast isn't just about helplessness, and we've already seen Daria who would likely be an avatar of the Flesh rank highly in Weird. Which hits upon what I feel is the most interesting aspect of this entire theory. We've seen what happens with Smirke's boundaries on the Entities. We don't know if Entities even exist in this setting, or if they do exist whether they'll be the same ones, or even if they're not the same ones whether they'll function under similar rules. But now we get to see what happens when there aren't those boundaries. We get to see much broader mingling than TMA showcased. It was hinted at there, especially early on before the lore really settled, but now that mingling seems to be the whole point.

And as a brief mention, and to further labour the theme, I don’t think there is enough information to really discuss how CAT#R# works but there are some analogies to work with here. From the Klaus sheet we can infer that CAT# has the following values 1/2/3/12/13/23/123. Or three non-mutually exclusive groups. What those groups are is hard to say right now. There is some soul/body/spirit stuff for the alchemic tria prima that's got some nice connections but doesn't map well now that Ep 3 is out. Either way, this is RGB. An incident can be all red, or red and blue, etc. R#'s values we can infer to be C/BC/B/AB/A/S with maybe an AS in there too. That's a linear scale of similarly unknown value but could represent something like potency/threat. If that is the case then R# is saturation. Some things are more intense than others. We also know from the Klaus sheet that CAT is the German from the "kategorie" meaning "category" the R was from the German “rang” meaning “rank” and so probably has more meaning to it than currently implied.

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp theories #tmagp theory #tmagp speculation #the magnus archives #tma theory #Reposted because I'm a human now #I was human before but Tumblr disagreed #klaus = kl4-u5

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disturbedgerblin · 1 year

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"Listeners, as I speak we are winding down to the final hours of a momentous occasion. For the second time, I am a contender for some sort of internet sexy gentleman award. An award for which I will gain nothing but online clout and the value of which--as far as I know--is not fungible in any known countries, dimensions, or time paradoxes. As before, everything comes down to the results of an internet poll. Truly the greatest tool of democracy, with the exception of those neat little 'I voted' stickers."

"But the outcome of this poll is of little concern to me. Because right now the sexiest man I know is at home, fast asleep on our couch. Curled up on his steadily rising chest is a cat that is there but is not there. The TV remote control is steadily slipping out of his hand. He is snoring now, but moments before, that man was watching the Last of Us show before falling asleep. Except not really because zombie stories frustrate him because they 'aren't based in science, Cecil,' and 'I've already synthesized five different antidotes in the event of a zombie outbreak, Cecil.' But he will watch the episodes anyway, because he knows I love zombie flicks, and I am scared of zombie flicks. And he will let me know when I should avert my eyes before a jumpscare is about to happen. How can you get any sexier than that?"

"A wise man at Ace Hardware Store once imparted these wise words: 'Measure twice, cut once.' He said this as he was purchasing a lot of plywood, so I'm assuming he had measured once, realized he had made an error after cutting and had to get more material--but his words still ring true. A poll measured once only reveals a snippet of what makes a sexyman sexy. It does not delve into the depth of legacy, the weight of experience, the height of thirst. Sexiness comes in many shapes and sizes. It takes two to tango, and three to cut a mango. And that's why I never cut my fruit alone."

"Listeners, I hope that after tonight, when all is said and done, you take a moment to look in the mirror, wave to the faceless woman staring back at you, and appreciate the tumblr sexyman that was inside all of us, all along. Good night, Night Vale. Good night. "

#wtnv #tumblr sexyman #cecilsweep #welcome to nightvale #unreality tw #my writing

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transmascutena · 4 months

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[image description: two screencaps from revolutionary girl utena, both showing an othello board. in the first there is about an equal number of black and white pieces. in the second most of the board is filled with black, with only two white pieces. in the second, utena is saying "huh?! now i'm losing!" /end id]

i think the scene in episode 33 where utena and akio play othello is very interesting because there's just a whole lot to read into with it. after they start playing utena gets distracted, and when she looks at the board again she realizes she's losing. really badly. this is symbolic, in that she's losing to akio in the game that he is playing, the one she doesn't know she's a part of. but also, the board is invalid. no legal moves would lead to the pieces being arranged like that, which means the reason utena begins to lose when she looks away is because akio is cheating. again symbolic, in that utena thinks they're on equal footing and playing by the same rules, when they aren't. cheating in what is meant to be a friendly round of a board game is really just taking advantage of your opponents trust. which is what he's always doing. i've also heard someone (probably in one of the podcasts i listened to) bring up that utena's two white pieces being separate and isolated (but also not that far from each other on the board) might be symbolic of her and anthy, and how akio is tearing their relationship apart. and there's probably even more to the scene if you want to look for it, it's so cool.

#it's 4 am i need to sleep why do i always make these posts in the middle of the night #revolutionary girl utena #analysis #akio and utena #m

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ineffably-human · 8 months

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We're going to scream about Nandermo all week, but right now I need to talk about Baron Afanas. Because the Baron's arc, so to speak, always felt like a big part of the series DNA for me - and oh fuck did this episode deliver on why.

I think we can agree: in the show, vampire society is fucked up, right?

Vampires on their own have plenty to deal with that can make them crazy. They have to live by killing. They lose everyone from their old lives. They have to find new reasons to keep going on, forever, so shit can get decadent really fast.

But holy shit, what that's turned into in vampire society? Where you actively put cruelty over mercy, and violence over solving your problems? Death cults and scam artists roam free, but if someone has depression the best thing to do is ignore them. Someone can get their mind wiped or be locked up for centuries, and that's just what you do to your species.

So: the Baron's arrival is the first conflict of the whole show. The joke is about an ancient powerful creature of pants-shitting terror, vs three lesser vampires who just want to live their lives and not get murdered for being too lazy to conquer humanity. There's a lot of talk about how to please him: do you keep to the old ways, or pick up some new traditions? Decorate with flayed skin, or with glitter? And the Baron says: who cares, you're all soft and useless. All that matters is getting more control over this world, until people are cattle and we have no reason to hide anymore.

But later he confesses: that shit stopped mattering ages ago. He's not even real nobility, he's literally impotent, and he talks about doing horrible things because he doesn't know what else to say. He's angry and half-crazy from boredom. And admitting that, owning those feelings, means suddenly he has three new friends and a whole new world of things to enjoy.

There's the Baron the rest of the vampire world knows, but for one night we see the ancient, unknowable terror was just a guy. Maybe he's always been just some guy.

That fun puts him in a vulnerable position, and he's killed by the most unwitting vampire slayer in fiction. But Baron Afanas is changed. He sucks dirt for a year and still comes out of it with a new lightness and joy to him. He saves the Sire, another ancient terrifying monster everyone was eager to kill or send away. They adopt the hellhound. They get cozy and give advice. They make popsicle stick houses and go on walks. They live.

And that seemed like the end of the story until last night - when the Baron suddenly felt like the butt of a joke everyone knew but him. Spurred on by someone else who feels lonely and ignored, the Baron felt vulnerable. And he snapped back to how he lived for centuries.

'What the hell are you all doing, enjoying yourselves? We're supposed to be unhappy. We're supposed to live centuries of unhappiness, bringing pain to everyone in our path, and we're definitely not supposed to cheer up our friend who's sad.'

Nobody liked the Baron before Guillermo killed him, not even other powerful vampires we meet; they saw the Baron as a crazy far beyond their own crazy. But this is also how vampire society values you. It's how they measure Nandor's worth when they think he's dead, too: how old and powerful you are, how much you've been able to conquer and kill.

Vampire pods are both cliquish and aren't expected to last in the first place. If someone dies, you literally paint them out of your lives and forget. Everything we see discourages feelings, sincerity, or even basic companionship. The only way to earn respect is to be cruel. The more cruel you are, the more powerful you are. The more powerful you are, the more feared you are - the lonelier you are, the crazier you are. It's practically designed to create the Baron, or worse.

But new vampires don't behave that way. And the vampires we follow in the show don't behave that way - because they have each other, because they've been encouraged to have each other, often by Guillermo. (Holy shit, Nadja saying maybe she'd be fine dying, and Nandor immediately asking if she's okay? Nothing changes in this house, except everything does. They're not going to almost lose one of their own ever again.)

The vampires in the heart of vampire culture never seem happy to be like this. It doesn't have to be like this.

The Baron doesn't become a tyrannical monster for long. Because he never actually was one - and because he spends two evenings and a fireball to the face, watching Nandor and Nadja fight for Guillermo. Watching them plead and cling and defy, seeing Guillermo's earnest feelings in spite of his bloodline and the mistakes he's made. Seeing Nandor's perfect trust, and then his grief, the way he insists that Guillermo was never 'just' anything. The Baron can't find real fulfillment in hurting someone (because that ship sailed ages ago). He can't deride them for caring, because he's cared for a long time now.

And when the Baron admits that's who he is, when he says it out loud, he only gains more in his life. He finds new depth in the happiness he'd felt for a while now, because he's admitted and allowed himself to be happy. And now he has the children he's always wanted. Living together, the Baron and the Sire are still ancient and powerful - and they're also family, finding real joy together in a world that was ready to dispose of them.

"I suppose with the right company, it can be beautiful, this eternal existence."

There's an inherent selfishness to being a vampire, taking from someone else in order to live. But there doesn't have to be inherent cruelty, or lack of love.

They're all ready to admit they care. The Staten vampires have all cared for Guillermo or each other in their own ways this season. And Guillermo doesn't lack for flaws, but loving his monster family has never been one of them. (When he and Nandor work their shit out, they're gonna be insufferable.)

Now they just have to let the Guide in. Because she's absolutely starved for love, and vampires get pretty fucked up when they're on their own.

#fandom: wwdits #what we do in the shadows #wwdits #i am a meta gremlin #baron afanas #tl;dr i am a sucker for choosing love #especially when the world around you says it's stupid or you're not allowed #but love was always in you so it happens anyway

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bumble-punch · 17 days

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I tend to care about taking a more realistic approach to Riptide in terms of resource management ect, so here's some random thoughts about clothes.

(minor spoilers up to episode #87)

Space management is important on a ship, so pirates tend to stick the essential clothing pieces, and change and wash them less than the average land-dweller.

Pirates don't smell great. This is just something you have to accept.

(except Gillion. Gillion smells of fish and salt and seaweed and the ocean, and never smells sweaty because he doesn't sweat in the human sense, he's just always moist)

Pre episode #87:

Chip has one shirt and one pair of trousers. When he needs to wash them, he will just walk around shirtless or in his underpants depending on what item is being washed. even for a pirate, this is a bit excessive.

he has like three pairs of underpants and he washes them concerningly infrequently

Jay has a change of clothes - she has a spare shirt and trousers, 2 bras that she alternates between, and several pairs of underpants. This is closer to the regular amount of clothes you would expect a pirate to have

After Chip lost his shirt in Allport, he borrowed Jay's spare one since I refuse to imagine him shirtless for the entire Feywild arc. My boy would be cold! :(

Jay is overall the most well-groomed due to her Navy upbringing. However, this isn't something she enjoys - more like something that she feels obligated to do. She finds washing her clothes a pain, and doesn't mind not smelling great or being dirty. As a kid she always hated washing and wearing uncomfortable clothes. As she spends more time on the pirate ship, she becomes less well-put-together and starts to drift more towards a Chip-level of cleanliness - though she promises herself she will never stoop quite as low as him. It's a matter of pride.

She does pick up his habit of walking around shirtless or in her underpants when she can't be bothered to get dressed / it's too hot / whatever. It's a pirate ship, social norms don't matter. Everyone on the ship is family and no-one cares.

She stops wearing bras when they are not on land for the same reason. However, when they come to land, she does make a concerted effort to make herself look socially acceptable and conform to standard norms regarding dress, since she knows this will get them a better reception with the land-dwellers they interact with.

Gillion's was raised to be well-groomed, but didn't have a chance to pack a change of clothes when he was kicked out of the Undersea. His clothes are stiff and encrusted with salt from all the time he spends in the water. There isn't as much of a need to wash items of clothing in the Undersea, as they are in water the whole time, and stains don't show up in the underwater gloom unless they're extremely obvious. Chip and Jay teach him how laundry works easily enough, and Gillion employs a similar strategy to Chip. However, he washes his clothes less frequently than they do as they are always being resubmerged in water anyway.

Post episode #87:

They finally get Gillion a change of clothes. He has an alternate shirt and trousers.

Since they have a bigger ship by this point, the crew has space for a few more fun/luxury items of clothing that aren't for everyday wear. Only a few - ie one special shirt - but it's still nice to have.

(Gillion has an emo band T-shirt) (yes they have emo bands in the fantasy world of Mana) (come on we all know at this point that the world doesn't conform to a consistent time period)

Jay realises she hates her current clothes because the starched sleeveless shirts she has been wearing, though they have become far less starched after a year of heavy use and improper wear, are very scratchy on her skin. She buys two softer woolen sleeveless shirts instead (ie the ribbed design a lot of the fanart of her features). She gives the old shirts to Chip

Chip buys the coat, which keeps his shoulders warm, and so he often prefers to go shirtless to show off his tattoos. However, he will wear Jay's old shirts when his tits get too cold.

#jrwi riptide #jrwi #jrwi show #gillion tidestrider #jrwi gillion #jrwi chip #jay ferin #jrwi jay #chip bastard #chip lastname

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selkies-world · 5 months

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Language resources

(Duolingo alternatives)

For those who no longer use or trust Duolingo, I've put together a list of resources - apps, learning methods, programmes, etc - with a list of whether or not they are free, and my personal experience with their success at teaching a language. I have also included new ones that I haven't tried yet but which I have researched; for these, I have included a rating of how much hope I have for them panning out in the future.

[I grew up bilingual & went to a multicultural school that had a student body consisting of children from refugee families who spoke little to no English. The school prioritised teaching the entire student body the minority languages, and finding a bridge language we could all learn together to fill in any gaps in communication. Due to this, I spent the last 4 years of primary school learning new languages with the rest of the student body.

We would have a school-wide lesson for 1 hour once a week - usually with a child or staff member fluent in that language leading the lesson at the front of the gym with a microphone so we could hear the correct pronunciation in time with reading the native spelling & English phonetics on the projector screen at the front of the hall. We were expected to use this language in the corridors when we spoke with teachers or staff members and when we passed by other students regardless of what their or our native languages were. As far as fluency went, we were expected to be able to recognise and say greetings and goodbyes, enquire to each others well-being, know how to ask for assistance, how to ask for medical help for various things, how to ask where the bathroom was, to give and receive directions around the entire school, as well as colours, names of things found around the school, make small talk about our activities of the day and our family, and why we were out of class - all with relative ease & mutual understanding.

We changed language after every break, so it was roughly 8 hours of lessons in each language, before we would start again with a new one.

Alongside this, the older students in the school (final 3 years, aged 9 - 11/12) would learn French 3+ hours a week for those 3 years so their writing, reading and speaking standards were acceptable for the beginning of high school. In 1 of these years, we also studied both of our native languages for the first time, for 6 weeks each.

I left traditional schooling at 11, and while I was home-schooled I taught myself Italian, Russian, and Latin from scratch, along with relearning my preferred native language, and 2 forms of sign - I used Makaton as a young child and in school as I have a form of mutism, but as a teen I realised I associated this language with the severe trauma I experienced at school, and so suffered from flashbacks and dissociative episodes when I used it. This, along with medical concerns, led to me learning BSL, and then SSE. Today, I use a combination of English, SSE and my native language in everyday settings. I have a mental block for learning French due to it being heavily associated with my trauma.

I am saying all this not for sympathy, but so that you can see firstly how much I enjoy and value learning languages, and in order to show my experience levels with learning languages. I've used, tried, and tested all of the learning methods I will be talking about in this post. I have either used or done a lot of research into the apps and programmes discussed in this post.

And yes, I have prioritised ones that teach endangered languages, indigenous languages and languages that aren't often included in language media such as Hebrew, various forms of Arabic, Navajo, Gaelic, and others. I have also included ones that teach and / or document sign languages and sign communication systems.]

Please note that the following lists are arranged in no particular order. They are not ranked best to worst or by any other X to Y ratio. They are simply ranked according to how I remembered, tested, or found each of them.

Apps

1: Fluyo.

Rating for hope / faith: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: n/a

Cost: unknown

Status: not yet publicly available

Please note that while Fluyo is not yet available, its Kickstarter page is flourishing, its app is in development, and the developer is a man of colour who has continued to devote himself to this app and its development despite rising health concerns, developing a life-changing disabling condition, and numerous set-backs. His YouTube channel is very educational, and he has also written a book on language-learning. If you would like to know more, you can learn about him here. Fluyo is set up like a computer game with multiple cute characters who are interactive rather than stationary, and I genuinely have high hopes for it once it is released.

2: Babble

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free trial for the first lesson, but a paid subscription is required for any further lessons

Status: available to download

3: Language Drops

Personal experience: ☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆

Cost: free for some lessons, but a paid account is required for access to all lessons

Status: available to download

4: Fluent forever

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: free access to basic lessons to build your confidence with the language, but a paid subscription is required for unlimited access

Status: available to download

5: Lingopie

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: free trial for 7 days, but a paid subscription is required after that for continued use of the app

Status: available to download

6: Fluenday

Hope for: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

7: Language flower

Hope for: ☆

Languages available: ☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆

Cost: free, as far as I can tell

Status: available to download

8: Sign BSL / Daniel Mitchell

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

Please note that Daniel Mitchel offers a BSL version of this, along with an ASL version.

9: Bright BSL / sign lab

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness:☆☆☆☆

Cost: free for some lessons + premium for all other lessons

Status: available to download

Please note that Sign Lab offers this app for the following sign languages: BSL (Bright BSL), ASL (ASL Bloom), LSF (Pause LSF / Langue des Signes, yoDGS, Libras (LibrasLab), Italian Sign Language (MeLISegno), and Toleio: Norsk Tegnspråk.

10: BSL zone

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

11: Reverso context

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

This is less for learning a language, more for quick reference / fact-checking a translation.

12: Pimsleur

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free 7 day trial, but a paid subscription is required for continued use

Status: available to download

13: Memrise

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free for introductory levels, with a premium option to unlock majority of lessons

Status: available to download

14: Busluu

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: Free, with a premium option to download lessons, more repetition, and extra lessons

Status: available to download

15: Hello Talk

Hope for: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

16: Rosetta Stone

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: monthly subscription is required

Status: available to download

17: Lingo Deer

Personal experience: ☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, with a premium option for all lessons beyond Basics 1

Status: available to download

18: Beelinguapp

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: free trial, but a subscription is required for total access

Status: available to download

19: Lingvist

Personal experience: ☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆ (though it does have an option to suggest other languages for them to add, and which language you would like to learn from, and they'll email you when / if that language becomes available)

Effectiveness: unknown

Cost: free

Status: available to download

[Please note this one is not photosensitive friendly or seizure friendly. I had to close the app as soon as I opened it due to the design on their opening page, and even when I reopened it and clicked straight through, their colour scheme was still upsetting to my senses.]

20: Lingvano

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free for a few lessons, but for access to all lessons, a paid subscription is required

Status: available to download

21: Duocards

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, but a more advanced version is available for premium accounts

Status: available to download

22: Chatterbug

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free with limited access, but a paid version is available

Status: available to download

23: Mango languages learning

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free trial, with a premium account required for further access

Status: available to download

24: EdX

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost:

Status: available to download

Please note that EdX is an app which houses courses on multiple subjects, not specifically a language-learning app.

25: Mondly Languages

Personal experience: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆

Cost: free, though it does repeatedly offer you a subscription account for an experience catered to you and your interests

Status: available to download

Please note this one may be triggering to those who are photosensitive or whose senses are upset by rapid moving gifs. There is a crown in the top right-hand corner which vibrates very quickly.

26: Speakly

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free trial, with a subscription account required for further use

Status: available to download

27: Pocket sign

Hope for: ☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, as far as I can tell

Status: available to download

28: Lingo legend language learning

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, though I think there may be a premium option either available but unmentioned, or in the works

Status: available to download

Please note that this app offers you the chance to vote for which languages should be added to its interface, so they can prioritise which ones to fund.

29: INC sign language app

Hope for: ☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to download

For those with religious trauma, please note that INC stands for Iglesia Ni Cristo, and the INC Sign Language App "is a project of the Christian Society for the Deaf under the Christian Family Organizations Office of the Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church Of Christ)". While it does not appear to prioritise religious content, the content does feature people dressed in suits as if for attending a church sermon.

30: My signing time

Hope for: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: 14 day free trial, and a subscription is required after this point

Status: available to download

Please note that this one is aimed at babies / toddlers & families.

32: Falou

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, with a premium option if you want to learn more than 1 language & unlock additional courses in your chosen language

Status: available to download

33: Earworms

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: free for the demo, then after that, the lessons are broken into two "volumes" to buy individually, or 1 bonus-pack which contains both to buy once at a slightly reduced cost.

Status: available to download

Please note that Earworms used to be available as CD lessons, which is when I first used them. The CDs were in Volumes and were more expensive than all costs on this app. I used them 10 years ago and still remember what I learned despite not getting to use the language very often, so I can guarantee their method is very effective.

34: Qlango

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, with a premium option for the final 3 levels

Status: available to download

Please note that this one is laid out more like a semi-immersive lesson plan rather than a game. However, it is currently my favourite one.

Other resources

1: Signing hands (YouTube)

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆

Cost: free

Status: available to watch

2: Military style

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆☆

Cost: n/a

Status: available to begin for free, though it will be difficult for you to find an environment that allows you to experience this authentically. If you would like to learn more about what the military style is, I will speak about it further below.

3: Textbooks / Reading materials

Personal experience: ☆☆☆☆

Languages available: ☆☆☆☆☆

Effectiveness: ☆☆☆☆

Cost: free, or otherwise up to you (what you are willing / able to spend on it)

Status: available to start whenever you feel like it

You can find numerous language-learning resources listed at the end of this post. I also recommend buying an up-to-date dictionary and thesaurus in your chosen language, and studying it. Study the grammar noted in the front, and then actually read the dictionary. It will seem strange, but it will benefit you in the long-run. Make notes as you go, highlight and colour some things in as you see fit.

Learning methods

1: Immersion

Over and over again, we are told that immersion is the best, most effective way to learn a language. This is because this is how we often think children learn languages - and we're partly right about that.

Immersion is the process of immersing yourself in the chosen language, with one single choice: learn the language, or suffer.

If our brains have to choose between struggling to pronounce a few words while gesturing to something we want and clinging onto sounds we hear like trying to hold onto a wet otter, or not getting what we want, we're going to choose to sound & look like an idiot, pointing and saying basic sounds, even if trying to remember the reply is like trying to remember Pi.

With enough time, though, we pick the language up remarkably well when we have no choice but to pick it up. This is the method which has us mimicking accents and gestures and expressions in order to best gain what we want: to express ourselves, our needs and our desires.

However, immersion is often critiqued because unless you have the means to fly to the country that speaks your desired language and live there with 0 influence from your native language for 6+ months... Well, you're not fully immersed, are you? Language apps try to give you an immersive experience, but you can always put your phone down. Depending on where you were educated, you may have had an immersive language class, where you had to learn the language or not be able to join in and so failed by default.

Good ways to mimic immersion are: finding radio channels in your chosen language and watching TV shows in your chosen language without subtitles, and listening to music in your chosen language.

2: Flashcards

Flashcards often tend to be a popular way to test your memory and retention of a particular subject. However, using them to begin learning a language can lead to a loss of motivation.

If you are creating the flashcards yourself, I would recommend creating them in 2 sets: 1 which is the traditional flashcard (your first language OR a picture on one side, and the translation on the other side), and 1 which has twice as many, with only 1 side being used. This second set should be designed like playing cards - the word or picture on one side, and a plain back.

This second set can be used when you're wanting to boost your motivation or confidence - arrange the cards face down, and begin playing the children's game of Pairs. Another option would be Snap.

When you return to using the traditional flashcards, you'll have a better foundation to build on if you've taught yourself to see these as fun, and taught your brain to associate these cards with quickfire responses - such as are brought to the surface during childrens' cards games.

3: Stickers

This is a method which seems obvious once it's pointed out, but seems confusing if you've never done it before.

Simply put, using stickers is when you create or buy stickers with the translation of everyday objects, words and phrases in your chosen language, and put them up around your house. "Door" goes on the door. "Cupboard" goes on the outside of a cupboard, "bread" goes on the inside. "Fridge" goes on the fridge door. "Milk" goes behind the milk so you see it every time you pick the milk up. "Lightswitch" goes above / under the lightswitch. Etc etc etc.

This is a memory retention technique used for multiple scenarios. Nurseries and schools may sometimes have the Makaton sign for something shown in a large diagram stuck to the walls / surfaces. Carehomes may have the names & purposes of objects stuck to the surfaces / objects in the dominant language, for the residents with memory issues or communication barriers.

While this is a good technique for quickfire memory boosts, it can be a slow way to learn a language from scraps, and is better suited for when you are semi-familiar with the written form of the language you are learning. It is also a good way to get everyone involved, as everyone in the home will be interacting with the stickers.

4: Forced conversation

This one is controversial, but can be very effective if it is approached with an open mind, clear communication and previously-agreed upon rules and lines.

The method of forced conversation is exactly what it sounds like: it is when you are engaged in a conversation in your target language, in which the person whom you are conversing with refuses to speak your original language. However, no matter how poor your language skills are, or how uncomfortable you get, they do not stop the conversation, and you do not let to leave the situation until they are satisfied you have communicated well enough, and have understood them. This will usually be "proven" by them giving you instructions, asking a specific question, or requesting you do something for them - if you follow the action through, you have understood them, if you try to give a vague answer and do not do the task, you have not understood them, and the interaction is forced to continue. Again.

This method is controversial because it is not immediately inclusive or welcoming for those who are shy, have anxiety, any form of Mutism, or who have a neurodiversiry or learning disability which impacts their communication. In formal situations, it is often these people who fall behind or get put off from learning a language if forced conversations are the only method they have the option of.

However, if there are adaptions made and accommodation previously discussed and provided, this can still be a viable method which is inclusive to all.

If the person speaking your target language is previously informed of your communication issues or complications, and are instructed in how to accommodate you (ie: Do they need to point at something, or use picture cards as prompts? Do you prefer using picture cards? Do you get distracted if they use hand gestures? Do you need fidget toys provided? Will it be easier for you if you are not forced to maintain eye contact? Will it be better for you if one or both of you are moving around rather than sitting down directly across from each other? Do the lights need to be altered in your environment to make the sensory experience less overwhelming? Do you use noise cancelling headphones? Do you focus better if there is music on in the background? Are there certain tones of voice or volume levels that need to be avoided? Does constantly changing body language stress you out? Do you have a stutter or speech impediment that may impact your pronunciation? Etc.)

Accomodaring these issues, and coming up with a signal to take a break (ie, if you have issues telling the difference between "I am angry at you personally" and "I am tired today" in vocal tones and facial expressions, will you get upset if you think the person is angry at you for not knowing their language? If so, do you need a signal to take a break so you can clearly communicate your stress, and they can give you an answer in your original language and clarify anything which is upsetting or confusing you, before continuing the conversation in your target language?) or to speak in simpler terms? Is their one subject you can talk about particularly well (a hyperfixation) which they can use in the conversation to help you engage?

All of these accommodations may seem intimidating, but if all those involved are aware of these accommodations going into the conversation, it can make the interaction much more positive and productive.

Forced conversation uses the same logic as immersion: if your brain has to choose between looking / sounding like an idiot who stumbles over words, or a very uncomfortable situation which lasts longer each time you make a mistake, your brain will choose to look like an idiot in order to achieve what it wants.

5: Repetition

Repetition is a very common method of learning a language, though it is often criticised for being ineffective.

It is when a phrase or word is said by one party, and repeated by another. If the second party does not pronounce it correctly, the first party repeats it again. This continues until the second party gets it correct. Then the pattern is repeated with another phrase / word. Once a certain number of words have been said correctly by the second party, the first party will return to the start and repeat the process again, with the second party having to say the phrases / words correctly multiple times before being able to move onto the next. The entire process continues in this loop until the second party is saying things correctly with ease.

This method is part of what makes up both immersion, flashcards and military style methods for language learning. It can also be used with textbook learning.

However, it is often critiqued because once the second party is away from the first party and left to their own devices, their confidence in their previous pronunciation will falter, and when they return to the lesson or need to use the language again, they'll be at a lower level of achievement than they were when they left. It is also very tedious, and can become boring.

6: Music

When I spoke about immersion, I briefly mentioned music. I also said that we assume children learn language via immersion. However, as adults we often overlook something else which plays a crucial role in teaching children language: music.

Children learn language, rhythm, speech patterns, and turn-of-phrase via songs, rhymes, riddles, fables, tongue-twisters, and music.

This is why it can be priceless to learn songs in your chosen language. Lullabies. Nursery rhymes. Children's songs. Pop songs that are ridiculed as being too simple or written without talent. Theme tunes from children's shows. Traditional rhymes and tongue-twisters. Most of these can be found via a long time on YouTube.

Music works in a unique way, worming its way into our minds. Our brains are hardwired to recognise and remember patterns - and music is made up of patterns. This is why we get songs stuck in our heads for no reason. Being able to use this to your advantage to learn or remember a new language can be an amazing experience.

7: Subtitles and language swap

This is a method which can be useful when you are learning more than one language, but are more familiar with one than the other.

It is where you watch / listen to a certain media in 1 language, while reading the subtitles / lyrics in another language. This way, the language you are more familiar with / fluent in will fill the gaps of understanding the less familiar one.

You can then challenge yourself by removing one language (muting the media & only reading the subtitles, or removing the subtitles and only listening to the provided audio) and seeing how well you follow along / understand.

This can also be used with your target language and your original language.

8: Writing it down

This is another form of repetitive learning which can be useful when studying / retaining for an exam, but can also be useful when you are first learning the written-to-verbal patterns of a language.

One method is longterm recall: this is where you write down short notes, words & phrases in your target language 1+ hour after engaging with your learning resources. This tests how much you retained. It is a physical show of how much you have actually learned.

Another method is short term recall & build-up: this is where you choose a single word / phrase, and write it as lines (Ducks are green and brown. Ducks are green and brown. Ducks are green and brown. Ducks are-) until your page is full. Then go back to the start and write over the top of your own writing, staying as close to your original marks as possible. Repeating this pattern multiple times until your page rips or the words become close to unreadable tricks your brain into focusing morenon your handwriting than on the language - as such, you will start to see the phrase / word as a pattern to follow, and it is then left to your subconscious mind to retain it while your conscious mind prioritises hand-eye coordination and fine motor skills.

9: Textbook

If you're more academically inclined, you may prefer a textbook method of study. This is the style used in most night classes and / or some traditional education classes.

Textbook methods have everything arranged by date and time, and learning goals are broken down & laid out according to a set calender: by x, you will have learned this amount, by y, you will have learned this amount, so on so forty until the final set date when you will be "fluent" or a certain level of reasonably fluent.

Most of the time with this method, you will be following guidelines, activities and lesson plans previously arranged in a chosen textbook, and that textbook will be your sole or primary resource.

10: Bilingual books (page by page)

Using page-by-page bilingual books can be confusing and is often overlooked in regards to adult education - however, it can be somewhat interesting to try.

On one page, the text will be written in your original language - on the opposite page, the same text will be repeated in your target language. Seeing the two side-by-side allows you to read your target language and instantly refer back to your original language if you get stuck on a word or phrase.

There is another form of bilingual books often given to children: line-by-line. These feature the image / picture, with the original text written clearly and simply, usually no more than 1 or 2 sentences per page. Directly underneath them will be the translated text written in a different font.

11: Same story / movie, different language

While this can be a fun method, it isn't always the most beneficial if you're looking for accuracy - however, it can be useful if you're wanting to test yourself.

It uses a similar logic to the subtitles & language swap method: you put on a movie you are familiar with, but you put it on in your target language with 0 subtitles. This allows you to engage with the language while using the familiar movie / story as a bridge.

12: Military Style

This is perhaps the most effective technique to use of you have a set amount of time to reach a specified level of understanding / fluency in a language. However, it is also one of the most difficult to fully replicate yourself.

Military style is a form of forced immersion combined with forced conversation and repetitive loops, but with reward and punishment techniques to make you prioritise learning the language over your own comfort zone / personal boundaries.

An example of this style would be party 1 having party 2 engage in forced conversation in front of an audience, then having them repeat a phrase they got wrong over and over until they get it right - all in front of the audience, with a rule set which forbids party 2 from sitting down or disengaging the interaction until they have finished the task. Nobody in the audience is allowed to help party 2. Party 1 continues to push party 2 outside of their comfort zone by having them continue the conversation, repeating any mistakes until they are corrected, and the conversation does not end until it is completed.

After that, party 2 has to do 100 push-ups while repeating the phrase they got wrong the most - and they have to pronounce it correctly while doing the push-ups. Any mistakes, and they go back to 1, regardless of if they were at 7 or 98.

This combined punishment of mild public humiliation and physically pushing their body beyond its limits makes the brain see learning the language as the solution to ending this treatment - as such, party 2 will be far less likely to repeat those mistakes again.

Alongside this, there is forced immersion, in the sense that nobody is allowed to speak their original language in any context or to anyone - they must use the target language or be ignored at best or ridiculed at worst.

Understandably, this method is difficult to replicate on your own or outside of the army.

However, there are some tokens which can be taken from it: notably forced repetition & physical exercise.

Set yourself a challenge using any of the previously mentioned learning methods or apps. Keep note of your mistakes.

At the end of the challenge (say 30 minutes of learning) count up all your mistakes. Now do a push-up / squat / pull-up / sit-up / etc for each mistake you made while repeating the phrase out loud. If you stall too long on making a connection in your mind or stumble over the sounds, start counting from 1 again. Repeat this until you're continuously getting the mistakes correct.

At the end, go back to your lesson and repeat it. Did you get less mistakes?

Thoughts & considerations when it comes to learning a language - for language savants and novices alike

"If you don't use it, you lose it" is probably one of the most hated phrases in terms of learning anything new - and especially in terms of learning a language. I think a better expression would be "If you don't make room for it, you won't keep it".

If you don't make time to learn a language, you won't learn it.

If you don't challenge yourself to reach a certain standard, you won't achieve any standard.

If you don't make the effort to retain the new information, you'll forget it.

When you learn a new language, you have to make room for it in your mind. You have to be willing to make mistakes and continue, knowing you're not doing it perfectly. You have to be willing to make it a priority, even if nobody else in your life sees it as one. You have to be willing to be frustrated and tired and bored. You have to be willing to get every single thing wrong and try again. You have to be willing to be uncomfortable with the new sounds you're making and you have to be willing to be patient while your brain digs out a new burrow of tunnels and connections which didn't previously exist.

If you genuinely want to learn a new language, you have to make room for it in your mind and life. Even when sometimes it's a tight fit.

Resources, as promised

Reading, writing & textbook materials:

Book 1

Book 2

Book 3

Book 4

Book 5

Structured notebook 1

Structured notebook 2

Structured notebook 3

Something worth checking out 1

Other things to invest in:

A dictionary in your target language

Picture cards

Flashcards

Stickers

Books in your target language

Children's books in your target language

Nursery rhyme books in your target language

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sovksluv · 3 months

Text

no one but you.

𖤐 . pairing - book!Clarisse La Rue x gn!Hades!reader

𖤐 . request - hullo hullo! i hope this isnt a bother but i was wondering if you can write a hc of childofhades!reader being claimed like similar to episode one and how percy got claimed during capture the flags? lots of hugs im so disappeinted that their aren't a lot child of hades fies. hades is honestly my fav greek god and character from the show

𖤐 . content includes - fighting, blood, daggers, lowk mean clarisse, idk what else

𖤐 . word count - 1,208

𖤐 . taglist - @perseus-jackass

𖤐 . a/n - this wasn’t meant to be clarisse x reader but it kinda just morphed into it, not complaining tho 🤷‍♀️

you don’t particularly enjoy the weekly capture the flag games, but since Annabeth has led and won the past two, it would be wrong not to aid in the blue team's success.

her first game had ended with a surprise when camp half-blood’s newest camper, Percy Jackson, had been claimed by Poseidon.

now, you were stealthily moving through the woods, peeking around trees with your dagger held tight in your hand. your job is to find and disarm Clarisse, or at least distract her while, Percy and Annabeth made their way to the red team’s flag.

your head shot to the direction of a twig snapping, tightening your grip on your dagger, you ducked behind a tree and scanned your surrounding area.

“i know you're there,” you heard a far, raspy voice call, not even attempting a whisper.

you sucked in a sharp breath and slowly turned your head to the direction of the voice. you heard the crunch of leaves under their feet as they got closer. you had a feeling you knew who it was, but you were still unsure.

“oh, come on, no need to quiet yourself. I know you search these woods for me,” the voice hinted, but at this point you had already recognized it. it was Clarisse.

it became clearer now that she was closer, which pushed you to quietly sigh out loud and stand up from the tree, emerging from behind it. there stood Clarisse La Rue, she had her spear stabbed into the ground with one hand and helmet cradled in the other. but what drew most of your attention was the smirk planted on her face.

“hey there, Sparks,” she teased, her smirk increasing at the raise of your eyebrow.

you loosened the grip on your dagger, noticing you’d been gripping it even harder than before.

“don’t call me that,” you replied, inching closer to her, holding up your dagger.

“don’t be such a grump, Sparks,” she taunted, throwing her helmet to the side, wielding her spear. “what are you doing here all alone? looking for me?” she smirked and moved closer towards you as well. the two of you began circling around each other, weapons in hand.

you held eye contact with her hypnotizing eyes, ignoring her questions. her smirk widened and her head slightly turned. “i'll take that as a yes.” she stopped walking and stood up straight, lowering her spear once again.

you hesitantly copied her movements, although still slightly weary. you sighed, squinting your eyes at her as if you were trying to read her like a book. “well, why are you just standing there? i thought you loved fighting people.”

She slowly licked her lips and stepped closer. the sunlight between the trees shined right on her face, making her eyes glow with a warm, unfamiliar delicacy. “i was gonna go easy on ya’ sparks, wouldn't wanna hurt you too much.”

you scoffed and boldly decided to strike first. you took quick steps towards her, swiping your dagger at her with each one. She skillfully dodged each swipe, taking steps back from you as she did it. she grinned at your failed attempts to strike her.

“come on, Sparks, you can do better than that. come on. come at me.” you let out a huff and went at her again. she countered all your moves with her spear this time, using the dull end to knock at your dagger.

you moved with sloppy determination, while she countered everything you had smoothly and flawlessly. “don’t go all soft on me, Sparks. i know you can do better.

“i told you to stop…” swipe “calling…” swipe “me…” swipe “that!”

Clarisse had her back pinned against a tree, with your dagger pressed tightly against her neck. she was breathless, looking at you with both surprise and pride on her face.

she let out a breathless laugh. “look at you, Sparks. i knew you could do it.” she held strong eye contact with you, refusing to be the one to break it first.

your grip on your dagger faltered, and you swallowed harshly.

Clarisse took your surprise to shove you off of her with her spear. she began her own attempts at striking you. this time you skillfully countered her attacks.

your dueling constantly sent the both of you backing up from the other. Clarisse’s hits seemed to soften as yours became even more determined.

“wouldn't we be better on the same team?” you ignored her taunts, but you were unable to ignore the way the fire inside you raged brighter and hotter. her taunting was fueling the constant burning.

few cuts littered your skin, some also visible on her. Clarisse was becoming sloppy, her spear faltering and her feet tripping over small tree roots and rocks.

Clarisse continued, noticing the fire lighting up behind your eyes. “but we can’t, can we? because you’re just a pathetic little unclaimed child.” her words felt like an indescribable searing traveling through your bloodstream.

suddenly, Clarisse was flat on the ground, her hair splayed out and her spear lying far away from her with your legs pinning her to the ground. a scream rang through her ears and the woods, and she felt a stinging on her neck.

though she felt the blood and felt the pain, she couldn’t tear her wide eyes from the bright, burning symbol of Hades floating above your head. the fire from your eyes matched the fire above you as you heaved, still unaware that your father had made an entrance.

“Hades…” she whispered. it was barely audible but you heard it.

you drew your dagger away from her, not missing the way blood had seeped from her biggest wound. no one had been able to draw blood from Clarisse. ever.

“what?” you whispered. your breath fanned her face. she still hadn’t looked at you, eyes still trained on the scorching fire above. your eyes followed hers, widening as you finally realized what she was looking at.

“oh.” you softly spoke. you carefully got off of her and stood up, hesitantly offering your hand for her to grab. she pulled herself up, a new smirk planted on her lips.

“finally understand all that fury you’ve got, Sparks.” she laughed and retrieved both her spear and her helmet. she ignored the aching cut on her neck, not wanting you to have any more glory than you already got.

“yeah… i guess so.” you breathlessly chuckled, watching the symbol above you disappear as the two of you heard the final conch sound.

slight panic washed over Clarisse’s face, now suddenly realizing that you had successfully distracted her for the majority of the game. “what? worried you lost again?” you taunted her, a mocking smirk on your face.

she scoffed and playfully shoved you. “whatever. just go.” she tried to sound serious but the small smile on her face showed otherwise.

a smile like hers was mirrored onto your face as the two of you slowly made your way back to the other campers. Clarisse would never admit to the warmth she felt when being near you, or the smile on her face.

but seriously, she would never let another soul see her like this. no one but you.

#𖤐 . rue’s world #𖤐 . rue talks #clarisse my beloved #clarisse x you #clarisse x reader #clarisse pjo #clarisse la rue #dior goodjohn #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo disney+#pjo tv show #pjo show #pjo spoilers #pjo fandom #pjo series #percy jackson

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kamaluhkhan · 9 months

Text

ours are the moments i play in the dark

pairing: conrad fisher x fem!reader

summary: you come back to cousins beach after a few years away. conrad is not particularly happy that you're back - and you aren't particularly thrilled, either. too bad there's a history (chemistry?) neither of you can deny.

warnings: ANGST (im so sorry in advance...); flashback is from conrad's POV and the rest is from reader's perspective; mentions of sex + losing virginities (nothing too detailed/graphic); reader has an ex who's referred to with gender neutral pronouns; reader and other characters drink alcohol (pomegranate margaritas ;) ); hints of alcoholism (reader's mother); jealous reader who's trying her best; pining conrad who's a bit of a jerk; reader and conrad fight A Lot (they will make up eventually i promise!!)

tags: @stargirlsirius-recs, @ifilwtmfc, @qwertyb2577, @allnrsnz, @baconeggndcheez, @peanutbelley, @imogen-skye, @geekinthefuschiahair, @tvije, @drikawinchester, @maybankslover, @junnniiieee07, @elcpsstuff, @fangirl-kimora, @redbierd, @starkeylover

a/n: thank you so much for all the love on my conrad series so far! i love these characters and writing their stories, and it means so much that others are enjoying reading my work. there is one more part left and i promise it will be happier so stay tuned :)) i haven't watched the last two episodes of season 2, but i'm planning on writing a bit for that, too!! thank you x infinity ♡

part one | part two

i lost a friend / like keys in a sofa / like a wallet in the backseat / like ice in the summer heat (finneas, "i lost a friend")

now — summer, age 18

“you know, you guys aren’t fooling anyone.”

“and what exactly do you mean by that, steven?” you challenge, taking another sip of your soda.

it’s the fourth of july and susannah invited you over for her annual celebration. susannah always hosted fun parties, so you were more than happy to accept because it meant eating some good food, listening to an upbeat playlist, watching some fireworks, and just relaxing. essentially, susannah always delivered the best of summer, rolled into a carefully planned event.

the sun was shining, and everyone was having a good time, including you — at least, until you saw conrad and nicole in the pool, engaging in some serious PDA. you immediately got out of the pool and went to sulk near the drink table, where you were happily alone until steven came over to join you.

“i’m just saying, man. you and con are definitely going out of your way to prove that you’re mad at each other,” steven explains. “but we all know how much you care about each other.”

steven is right about the first part: you and conrad had done your best to avoid each other since the incident at nicole’s party and its fallout. if you and jeremiah had planned to go surfing and he invited conrad, you would always back out at the last minute. if you were over at the fishers helping belly pick out an outfit for a date with cam, conrad would conveniently stay in his room. not to mention, any time the two of you did cross paths — which was rare, but jeremiah and belly were persistent in requesting that all five of you spend time together, like the old days, they would say — it resulted in meaningless, petty arguments. the two of you had always been competitive and very comfortable teasing each other, but the difference was that now, your interactions were no longer good-natured.

you thought steven, belly, and jeremiah hadn’t noticed, but you should have given them more credit. to anyone who knew you, it was pretty obvious that something was up between you and conrad, even if they didn’t know what exactly it was.

“there’s a thin line between love and hate. and right now you guys are that line.”

“thank you for your insight,” you say sarcastically. “be sure to include that in your college essay — i’m sure princeton would love to have you.”

steven rolls his eyes at you, just as nicole arrives at the drink table.

“hey guys,” she greets. she reaches over to grab two cans of peach iced tea before you stop her.

“conrad’s allergic to peaches,” you say. “so you might wanna get him something else.”

nicole looks at you for a second before nodding and reaching for a can of sprite instead.

“thanks,” she says as she walks away.

once she’s gone, steven gives you a pointed look.

“what?” you scoff.

steven just shakes his head. “love and hate,” he muses, leaving you to join his parents and shayla near the pool.

you then decide to go inside briefly, where you find belly and jeremiah, pouring vodka into a blender.

“we’re making pomegranate margaritas!” belly exclaims, practically giddy.

“well, you gotta use the good blender for that.” conrad seems to appear out of nowhere from behind you, instantly reaching for the aforementioned good blender and placing it on the counter.

you were already in a sour mood from seeing him with nicole earlier, but belly looks at you with hopeful eyes, and you remember what steven said earlier, so you mentally promise that you would play nice with conrad. you owe belly and the others that much after being absent for so long: a carefree summer, just like the ones you used to know.

you imagine that jeremiah sent conrad a similar pleading look because, miraculously, you and conrad don’t argue with each other as you help mix pomegranate margaritas for everyone. you actually engage in playful banter and laugh at the other’s jokes. you even feel sorry for him when his father, who wasn’t supposed to be here, walks in. you can feel the good mood slipping, so you suggest heading to the beach for a change of scenery.

belly had invited cam and a few more girls who are doing the debutante thing with her, and with steven bringing shayla and conrad bringing nicole (which, you are totally fine with, of course, especially after a pomegranate margarita), you had a pretty solid party forming on the beach, away from the adults.

of all people, belly suggests some drinking games. it’s all a blur of sand, laughter, and vodka spiked fruit juice. once you were all the perfect amount of tired and tipsy, the group settles down, and gigi suggests a different game.

“we should play truth or dare.”

“oh my gosh we should!” belly smiles, tapping your leg enthusiastically. “remember? we used to play it all the time!”

you smile back. “of course i do.”

when you were kids, you, belly, steven, jeremiah, and conrad would play truth or dare any chance you got. it was never very serious, mostly goofy pranks and harmless questions. you had all grown up since then, and somewhere along the way, truth or dare had become less innocent than it used to be.

“y/n,” one of the debs — dara, if you remembered correctly — turns to you. it was the first time your name had been called, and in all honesty, you were perfectly happy just sitting back in the sun and sipping the rest of your drink. “truth or dare?”

you choose truth, mostly to avoid having to get up from your very comfortable seat on the sand.

“are you a virgin?”

your mouth suddenly feels dry. you’re not ashamed of your answer, but it doesn’t help that you can see conrad glaring at you from the corner of your eye. you take another sip of your drink before answering.

“um, not really.”

“it’s yes or no question,” nicole says.

“then my answer’s no,” you declare.

“what?” belly screeches. she sits up straighter to turn towards you, and in the process spills some pomegranate margarita on her dress. “i can’t believe you had sex and didn’t tell me? when? with who? what was it like?” her cheeks are slightly flushed. a sober belly would have likely asked you in private, or at the very least, not in front of people you barely knew. in that moment, you almost regret the pomegranate margaritas.

almost. because maybe it’s the silence and everyone’s expectant stares, or the adrenaline you feel from winning most of the drinking games, or the effects of the drinks themselves, but you convince yourself that it’s as good a time as any to tell the story. a sober you would have known to tread more carefully given the context; that would have been about three pomegranate margaritas ago, though.

“it’s kind of a cliche story, honestly,” you start. “it happened last summer. it was raining that night, so we were hanging out in the back of my teammate’s van, just talking, and one thing led to another….we didn’t plan to do anything, but we got caught in the heat of the moment.” you choose your words carefully, deliberately avoiding eye contact with conrad.

“how was it though?” belly asks, leaning in closer.

you shrug. “a little awkward, i guess? neither of us had sex before then, and we were both figuring stuff out. like, he couldn’t open the condom wrapper because he was so flustered, so i had to help him. it was nice, though,” you admit. “when the rain cleared, we went out to stargaze and fell asleep on the beach.”

belly sighs. “so romantic.”

“you’re right about it being cliche,” steven laughs. he has an arm thrown around shayla, and uses the other to gesture towards conrad. “conrad, man, that sounds almost exactly like your first time.”

you feel your entire body heat up, and it's not because of the sun shining down on you. conrad’s gaze finally meets yours — for a split second only, but it’s enough for steven to notice.

“holy shit! it all makes sense now!” steven exclaims, suddenly standing up.

jeremiah frowns, looking between you, conrad, and steven. “what makes sense?”

“i’ve been trying to figure out why y/n and conrad have been so weird around each other this summer, but it’s obvious now: they lost their virginities to each other. they had sex!”

nicole stiffens and narrows her eyes at conrad. “you told me you never hooked up with y/n.”

“well, that’s definitely not true.”

“belly,” you warn, looking over to conrad once more. his cheeks are turning red, and you imagine a storm brewing beneath his dark blue eyes.

“i don’t know about last summer,” belly continues, completely oblivious to the tension building. “but i do know that they kissed at your party.”

“i knew it,” nicole scoffs, pushing away from conrad. “i knew it.” with one last poisonous glare towards conrad, she storms off.

conrad sends you an equally poisonous look before chasing after her. the party dissolves shortly after.

feeling defeated, you lie back in the sand, close your eyes, and let the sun shine down on you once more, taking deep breaths to slow down your heart rate.

call it karma or a cruel twist of fate or just a really shitty coincidence, but you’re finally the one left alone on the beach.

then — summer, age 17

conrad was more than a little surprised to see your name appear on his phone. it wasn't like you were completely off the grid — you texted, though infrequently, and followed each other on socials. he scrolled through his instagram feed and saw the occasional picture of you wearing a costume at a halloween party or sipping hot chocolate on a snowy day. photos that never quite fit the image he had of you in his mind: in cutoff denim shorts and a swimsuit and layers of sunscreen, with sand in your hair and popsicle stains on your lips.

“hey,” he answered after only three rings.

"hey fisher, any friday night plans?"

he told you he was working on his college essay.

“homework on a friday night in the middle of summer,” you tsked. “i never realized how much of a nerd you are.”

conrad laughed. “i mean, that’s on you for just realizing that.”

“fair enough,” you hummed, and conrad could practically hear your smile through the phone. “if you’re in the mood for something more fun, look out your window.”

conrad wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but you standing in the driveway of his summer house was pretty low on the list. you waved at him frantically, telling him to hurry up and open his window.

he was still in awe as you climbed through. conrad tried to memorize the image of you then and there, standing in front of him in his bedroom: wearing dolphin shorts and a light jacket, with chipped turquoise nail polish and a bright smile.

"you drove all the way here?"

"well, they haven't cracked the science behind teleportation yet," you say playfully. "so i didn't have many options."

"i can't believe you're here," conrad smiled, and that’s when you finally hugged him. he held on tightly, afraid you would leave at any moment if he let go. you smelled the same, like chlorine and vanilla sugar.

once you broke away from the hug, you pointed towards something behind him, pinned to his bulletin board. conrad followed your gaze and felt his cheeks heat up.

“i missed you, too, connie,” you teased, eyes lingering on the newspaper clipping of your swim team making it to nationals thanks to your record time.

“mom showed it to me,” he explained, the smile on your face making his heart beat out of his chest. “she’s so proud of her little mermaid.”

your smile fell, just a bit, but enough for conrad to notice a shift in your mood. you always did a good job at hiding the weight of the world on your shoulders, at least around the others. not so much around him.

you sighed and sat down on his bed. “you know, after that swim meet, my dad lectured me about not being fast enough,” you explained. “winning by only a millisecond apparently wasn’t enough to impress college scouts, at least according to him.”

“your dad’s a jerk,” conrad said instantly. he sat down next to you. “and an idiot, if he can’t see how amazing you are.”

“thanks, connie,” you whispered. it looked like you were going to say more; instead, you picked up his laptop. “wow, you weren’t kidding when you said you were working on your college essay. you really are a nerd.”

“shut up,” conrad laughed, nudging you with his shoulder and trying to grab the laptop from you.

you nudged him back. “it’s a compliment! schools go crazy for trust fund nerds.”

“yeah, yeah.” conrad waved you off. “so, you’re in cousins for the summer?”

all you did was smile softly and close the laptop, finally handing it back to him.

conrad’s heart burst with joy. because not only were you there — finally there, after all that time away — but you were staying. his mom would always muse about summers in cousins being magical, but conrad didn’t quite believe her until you were gone and he felt that magic fade away.

“do you wanna go downstairs? belly’s watching it happened one night with my mom and laurel.”

“as much as i love susannah’s favourite movie,” you started, and conrad’s heart soared again at you remembering his mom’s favourite movie. “i thought maybe it could just be the two of us tonight? maybe we could go for a drive.”

that’s how the two of you ended up at mermaid grove — a secluded stretch of beach about an hour away from your houses. it was near the mall your mothers sometimes went to, and during one of those excursions when you were young, all the kids wandered off and found it. the only time you’d been there was during the day and with jeremiah, belly, steven, and your siblings, so it felt different then, at night with just the two of you.

it started raining on the drive over — which only took 45 minutes without traffic — so you were hanging out in the back of your van. the van actually belonged to one of your teammate’s cousin who was somewhat of a hippie, you said, which explained the smell of weed and bohemian decor — battery powered rainbow fairy lights, colourful pillows, an elaborately patterned tapestry. the space was definitely intimate, or maybe it felt that way because you and conrad were sitting as close as possible to each other, shoulders touching and one of your legs tangled with his. he was scrolling through the pictures on your phone of your last swim meet in california, where you'd gotten the chance to visit stanford, while you were peeling an orange.

"you would love it there, connie,” you gushed. you dug your fingers into the orange peel, and the smell of citrus started to fill the air. “the beaches are beautiful and the waves are amazing. it’s like, always summer.”

conrad sometimes felt like summer was the only season of the year that he was truly awake, truly living. everything else felt like a dream, one that he would always describe to you in mundane detail; conrad even kept a small journal throughout the year, writing things down that he needed to tell you once you reunited every june. but one journal had turned to two, almost three, and conrad was trying really hard to not resent you for that.

“anyways, i think i’m going to apply in the fall.”

conrad stopped scrolling through your phone, pausing at a picture you had taken of a lemon tree. “doesn’t your dad have princeton lined up?”

“you make it sound like he bought my way in, when it was actually hours and hours and hours of training to get that scholarship. on the national best swim team.” you mimicked your father’s patronising tone for that last part; conrad hadn’t seen him in years, and he could still recognize it.

“you’re right, though. my dad would flip his shit. even if i got in with a scholarship, it’s so far away and i have the twins to look after, but a girl can dream, right?”

“i feel that,” conrad assured. you gave him a sad smile, knowing that his dad was as intense about football as yours was about swimming. the worst part was that you both loved your respective sports, until they became a burden. you both had other burdens to deal with, too, when it came to your families.

“in an ideal world, the two of us wouldn’t have to worry about anything else. we’d live in a place by the beach, surf every day, and hang out in the sun while sipping ice-cold, fresh lemonade.” just like we used to, conrad added in his head.

“in an ideal world,” you agreed. “we’d also adopt four dogs, each named after one of the beatles. you can teach them how to play the guitar.”

conrad laughed. “if i couldn’t teach you, there is no way i can teach one dog, let alone four.”

“well, they wouldn’t get distracted by your dreamy blue eyes like i did.” you winked at conrad, and handed him the freshly peeled orange before he even had time to blush.

“take it,” he protested. “you drove all this way — you should eat something.”

you shook your head and placed the orange in his hand before you pulled out another fruit from your bag. “i picked some of these up on the way here — best peaches on the east coast.” you took a big bite. “remember the summer we found out that you had a mild peach allergy?” you asked, juice dripping down your chin. you wiped it with the sleeve of the varsity jacket you wore.

conrad laughed at the memory. belly and steven had brought back candy from their trip to toronto. conrad practically inhaled an entire bag of fuzzy peaches, and didn’t realize that they weren’t supposed to make your mouth itchy — the “fuzzy” part wasn’t literal. that felt like so long ago, but there you and conrad were, settling back into each other like no time had passed.

as the night grew darker, you and conrad shifted closer to each other. conrad ate orange slice after orange slice as you devoured your peach, all while looking through the photos on your phone. you’d occasionally interject with a short story or comment, and there were still raindrops falling on the roof, but for the most part, there was nothing but a comfortable silence between you.

you moved to wrap the orange peel and peach pit in a napkin, just as conrad swiped onto a photo of someone kissing your cheek.

“who’s that?”

you leaned over to check. “oh. that’s sam.”

“are you dating?” conrad asked, trying to seem casual about it. just a friend asking another friend about their romantic situation. as a friend.

“we were,” you explained, sitting back next to him. “they broke up with me a few months ago.”

conrad sighed in relief, which he hoped you didn’t notice. “sorry.”

you shrugged. “it’s fine. apparently i’m emotionally distant.”

that wasn’t much of a surprise to conrad. sam might have been an idiot for breaking up with you, but they were spot on with the emotionally distant part. out of all the time you’d known each other, conrad had only seen you cry once, maybe twice. you were usually the one wiping away tears and putting on a brave face, inadvertently, or maybe purposefully, hiding your own vulnerability.

still, that wasn’t something conrad was about to stir up.

“what? you?” he joked instead.

“shut up,” you said, rolling your eyes, but the wry smile on your face gave you away. “how about you? broke any hearts this past year?”

conrad thought for a moment. there was aubrey, who his football teammate said had a major crush on him. they had been texting for a while now, and were on the edge of maybe becoming something. but then, there you were, stirring up feelings conrad had long buried — or, at least, tried to. if part of his head was always in summer, then part of his heart always belonged to you.

“no.”

“got your heart broken?”

he thought back to a few weeks ago, when he ran into your mom at the grocery store, and she said you wouldn’t be coming to cousins again that summer. you hadn’t spoken at all to each other for a month or two before that.

“no,” he lied.

you hummed, and took your phone away from him.

“wanna hear something trippy?” you asked suddenly. you always had a knack for changing the course of a conversation to where you wanted it to go.

“what?”

“well, since it takes a while for light from space to reach us, when we stargaze, we’re actually looking back in time. like, the star that’s closest to earth — other than the sun — is four light years away. or is it five?” you paused. “anyways, if the sky was clear and we could see that star, it would mean we’d actually be looking at that star from summer, five years ago.”

“very trippy,” conrad agreed. “it’s like a cosmic time machine.”

you hummed. “do you ever wonder what our past selves back then, at like 12 or 13, would think of us now? i think about those summers and how magical they felt.”

magical. you turned to smile at him softly, and conrad couldn't help but agree.

“i always thought you’d be my first kiss,” you whispered.

that threw conrad off guard, and it took him a few seconds to regain balance. the van suddenly felt too small and the lingering scent of fruit shared between you two, mixed with the familiar smell of chlorine and vanilla from how close you were sitting to him, became overwhelming. his heart was beating out of his chest — not because he didn’t feel the same way, but because he did.

conrad knew what his 13 year old self would think of him now: he’d be up in arms over his awkward pause, screaming to finally tell you how he felt then, and how those feelings hadn’t really left. how you made him feel safe, excited, confused and angry. how there was a space in his heart just for you, and it was painfully empty when you left, but now that you’re there again —

“sorry,” you said, cutting through the silence. you subtly shifted away from conrad. “i didn’t mean to make things weird.”

“you didn’t,” conrad answered instantly. he registered how you were now slightly hunched over and brought your knees to your chest, how you bit your lip and avoided eye contact — a few hints that you felt uncomfortable, deflated even at his lack of response.

so, he moved closer to you and gently placed a hand on your knee.

“you didn’t make things weird,” conrad assured once more. you were brave, he decided: for a lot of things you did, but right then for being so honest, so vulnerable. it inspired him to do the same. “i mean, this might make things weird, but i always thought you’d be my first…you know. at least, ever since i knew what sex even was.”

you finally turned towards him, your lips slightly parted.

“yeah,” you breathed. “me too.”

conrad’s eyes flicked to your lips, then back to your eyes.

“do you still want to —”

“yes. i - i mean, no pressure, but if you still want to —”

“i do.”

you smiled then and conrad felt himself do the same.

when you kissed for the first time, it was like rainclouds parted and the stars came out, shining bright in infinite darkness. the two of you became tangled up in each other: you sat in his lap, legs on either side of his waist, your chests pressed together and your fingers tangled in his hair, which drove him crazy. conrad let his hands explore your body, gently grazing the skin under your shirt. his lips tingled from the remnants of peach juice on yours, but he kept kissing you.

it was awkward and exhilarating at the same time. you asked each other if what you were doing felt good and right and were slightly embarrassed if the answer was no, but still adjusted if needed. at one point, conrad was fumbling with the condom wrapper and you had to open it with your teeth; he jokingly pointed out how you used to do the same with packs of sour patch kids and you giggled before kissing him again.

the two of you lay down on the floor once you were done. your head rested on conrad’s chest and he had his arm around you, idly tracing shapes on your skin with his fingertips. he craned his neck down to look at you.

even in the dim lighting and after years apart, you looked the same. even if you’d never been that close before, at least not in the same way you had just been, you felt familiar.

you tilted you head towards him and smiled.

“what?”

there was something about the way you looked at him that still made him blush, and conrad hoped that with the lack of bright light, you wouldn’t notice.

“sounds like the rain stopped,” he said. “wanna go stargazing?”

it was slightly chilly, so you let conrad borrow your varsity jacket, even if it didn’t fit perfectly. the sky was clear and full of stars. you spent the rest of the night there together, on the beach.

in the morning, conrad woke up before you. he watched as you took slow, deep breaths with your eyes still closed. you looked so peaceful — until the sound of your alarm prompted you to wake up.

“shit,” you exhaled, your eyes wide once you noticed the sun had risen. “what time is it?”

you searched frantically for your phone, only to find it right next to you.

“shit,” you repeated once you checked the time. you stood up right away, sand kicking from underneath your feet. “this is bad.”

“what —”

conrad didn’t have time to even ask you what was wrong because you bolted to the van. he followed you.

“what’s wrong?”

you looked at conrad, brows furrowed. “i have to go. i don’t want to leave you, but i have to go.”

“it’s okay,” conrad reassured. he stepped closer to you and placed a hand on your cheek. “i’ll be here when you get back.”

“i’m…” you step away from him. “i’m not coming back.”

“what do you mean?” he tried to steady his voice, but a dangerous mix of hurt and anger threatened to wash over him. conrad’s heart dropped, knowing all too well what was likely coming next, but he hoped, wished, that it wouldn’t be like before.

“i’ve got a swim meet in boston,” you exhaled. “but i can drive you home on my way there.”

“you’ll come back to cousins after,” conrad declared, as if saying it out could change what would happen next. “you said you’d be here for the summer.”

you shrugged, stumbling over your words. “technically, i didn’t say that. you just assumed and — ”

“and you wanted me to believe it, right?”

you closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “just — let me drive you home, connie.”

the use of his childhood nickname — the one he secretly despised, except when it came from you — was what made him snap.

“i should have known,” he snarled. “god, i should have known. you don’t care about me, about us. swimming over everything, right?”

“that’s not true.” your eyes opened, but you still wouldn’t meet his gaze. “i do care, but you know the pressure i’m under —”

“fine. you want to talk about pressure?” conrad laughed, bitterly, all his frustration bleeding out and pooling at your feet. “my mom had cancer, and you couldn’t even be there for me. texts and phone calls only do so much when you’re watching the woman who raised you wither away to nothing.”

your eyes softened slightly, finally looking at him. you took a step forward, but conrad took another two back.

“conrad —”

“no. don’t,” he snapped, making you stop. “why did you even come here?”

“i was close by and…” you paused. “i guess i just needed to come back, even just for a bit.”

"figures," conrad scoffed. “you only care when it’s convenient.”

“that’s not true,” you repeated.

conrad waited a second for you say something more, but you didn’t.

“well, i’m really glad you got what you needed,” he mocked. “tell me, does nostalgia and sex help you swim faster? impress college scouts? make daddy proud of you?”

you stiffened slightly. “don’t be an asshole.”

“no, no. congratulations!” he clapped to emphasize his point. “i’m so glad i could help you! guess you just needed a quick fuck before your big competition for some good luck. hope it works out in your favour.”

there was so much venom laced in his words, and he could tell you noticed. you looked at him like he was a stranger.

“fuck you,” you finally said. your voice was shaking slightly and it looked like tears were forming in your eyes. “you can walk home, for all i care.”

without another word, you got into the car and drove away. conrad watched your car become smaller in the distance as he stood alone at the beach, wearing your jacket and replaying every word he said.

now

it’s hours after susannah’s fourth of july celebration. the adrenaline and alcohol from early wore off, and you’re sitting on your front porch, sipping tea from your favourite mug. you were hoping to relax, but the sight of conrad fisher storming up to you threatens that.

“where do you get off, saying what you did earlier?”

even under the low light of the porch, you can see that his face is red with anger. he came here to argue, but you’re too tired to really care.

“well, shit, conrad,” you sigh. “don’t blame me. blame — blame truth or dare and pomegranate margaritas and steven for being so goddamn perceptive.”

“you lied,” he accuses, crossing his arms. “you said you didn’t tell belly about us kissing at nicole’s party.”

“at least i didn’t lie to my girlfriend,” you point out, your voice dull from exhaustion. conrad is momentarily at a loss for words, furrowing his brow even further, so you decide to steer the conversation in another direction — away. “look, i just had to pick up my drunk mother from the bar, so i’m really not in the mood for this conversation.”

you move to leave, but conrad grabs your left wrist before you reach the door. the sudden action startles you, and you release the mug you were holding in your right hand. it falls to the ground, the break clean, and the rest of your tea spills onto the porch. you exhale sharply, turning back to face conrad.

“i don’t care,” he snaps. “you fucked up earlier today. you never should have mentioned that night. talking about it like it actually meant something to you.”

“you know what, conrad? maybe it’s hard for you to believe, but that night actually meant something to me.” you laugh bitterly, feeling more awake than before. “and, yeah, now i’ve spent so much time regretting it. because maybe i hoped that we’d start dating, but even if that didn’t happen, i never expected to lose my best friend.”

conrad rolls his eyes. “i don’t know how you can stand there and call me your best friend. best friends don’t leave each other —”

“fine, i did leave,” you interrupt. your voice is slightly raised, and you can’t help but feel a new rush of adrenaline flowing through your veins. the fact that conrad is standing in front of you, suggesting that you were the one to blame for the hostility between you — that made you frustrated, angry, even.

“i had other shit going on,” you continue. “and maybe i didn’t handle the situation well at first — that’s on me, sure. but i wasn’t the one who ignored texts and sent calls straight to voicemails. i’m not the one who’s spending the summer avoiding everyone who knows them because they’re too scared of others finding out the truth. i don’t know who you are this summer, but i know the real you, conrad.”

“no, you don’t.”

by now, you’ve walked closer, standing only a few inches in front of him. if you reached out, you’d be able to brush the bangs away from his forehead, but you don’t.

“i do know you,” you assert. “in fact, i hate how much i know you. i know that “yesterday” by the beatles is your favourite song, and the first one you learned on the guitar. i know that you’re crazy good at chess, but let jeremiah win sometimes when your dad is watching. i know that you love playing football, but hate that you’re expected to play it. i know that i hurt you last year, so you had to ignore me because that was easier than admitting how you really feel because — because you’re scared.”

“you’re wrong.” conrad stares at you, his gaze heavy on yours.

you shake your head. “i know that you didn’t tell anyone about what happened between us because it meant something to you. and that really scares you, too.”

“you’re…you’re wrong.” conrad’s voice wavers a bit, his eyes soften ever so slightly, and you know you’ve struck a chord.

“i’m not,” you say. “and, honestly? i’m so fucking tired of waiting for you to realize that. i don’t care anymore. whatever was between us during all those summers, it's obviously not here anymore."

“you’re wrong,” he’s like a broken record, stuck on the same lyric.

"stop blaming me for fucking this up," you continue. "it's your mess, too, conrad. and i’m so fucking tired."

it’s late, and it’s dark, and you can’t bring yourself to stay here anymore. without saying anything else, you step over the broken porcelain of your favourite mug and into your house, leaving conrad alone on your poorly lit porch.

when the sun rises and you go outside in the morning, the pieces are gone.

#the summer i turned pretty fic #tsitp season 2 #tsitp fanfic #tsitp #tsitp conrad #conrad fisher #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher fanfic #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher x you #conrad fisher x fem!reader #conrad fisher fluff #conrad fisher angst #the summer i turned pretty #saf writes

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andsomemaniacgotridofthewheel · 2 months

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One of the reasons I will never be at ease with the overall "weirdness", the underwhelming pay-offs and the unfired Chekhov's guns during the plot(s) of season 2 - until season 3 arrives and we either learn that it's because of a brilliant trick they pulled on us OR because Neil & John actually did drop the ball and couldn't get the story structure right (yeah, sure 😏) - one of those reasons is that they got Aziraphale's character arc during that season so very, very right.

It is beautiful. It is subtle. It is organic. It is like a red thread running through all the episodes.

In the very first scene we learn something about Aziraphale & Crowley that we didn't know before. And it isn't that Crowley used to be such a ray of sunshine and that what led to the Fall must have been more traumatising than he always let on (that, too, but it's not the main point). It is that Aziraphale knew a version of Crowley that was deeply, unapologetically kind, and gentle, and caring; that he was everything an angel was supposed to be; and that Aziraphale himself, before the Fall even happened, was aware of some lurking inequity and oppression which presented a danger to that sweet, innocent angel. We are shown how Aziraphale could arrive at the conclusion that whatever happened to Crowley just wasn't right. And how he might think that that was something that should be fixed.

"I know the angel you were." In Job we are reminded that Aziraphale's memory of Crowley's angel persona at least that early in their story still partly informs his image of him.

"They aren't talking to him anymore", that sounds as if Aziraphale might have actually tried.

"It's nice to tell someone about the good things you've done, now that I'm not reporting to Heaven..." Aziraphale misses it. He still does good deeds, but he misses reporting them to someone.

"You really used to be awful." Gabriel is about the worst angel he has known. But once Heaven's conditioning was taken away, even he became an absolut sweetheart. Aziraphale learned this season very impressively that angels can change.

Muriel. Innocent, enthusiastic, downright good Muriel. Whose adventures as a human copper are mirrored so perfectly in Aziraphale's attempt to pass as a "newspaper man". Aziraphale learned that even now, not ALL angels are bad. And that there are some in Heaven who are just like him, and might need his help.

When Gabriel needed his help, Aziraphale gave it, with no vindictive thought or concern for his own safety. He couldn't just not help him. And when Crowley stormed off, Aziraphale simply waited for him to come back. This mirrors both their decisions at the end of season 2, though so far without Crowley changing his mind and coming back.

It has all been layed out for us from the beginning. Which is why it baffles me so much that so many people did not seem to see it - or want to see it.

Now, Crowley's character arc!

I am not really sure about that, but so far, to me, it seems to be just as all over the place as the plot setups and his sideburns, hair length, hair colour and sunglasses during the season are.

We are shown that present-day-Crowley keeps important things from Aziraphale - he still hasn't told him about Gabriel's attitude during the attempted execution, he hasn't told him that he is living in his car, and even when Aziraphale tells him that he needs to go to Heaven, he doesn't tell him about the looming second attempt at an apocalypse - which is extremely weird, since it would have been so important for Aziraphale to know and could have influenced his final decision quite a lot. At this moment the latest you also can't explain it as an attempt to protect Aziraphale anymore, since going in blind could make things actually more dangerous for him.

He did not do this during season 1, where it was Aziraphale who kept things from him for quite a while.

But after all this aggravated not-telling-him-things all he needs is a conversation with Nina & Maggie and immediately afterwards he makes the biggest, most honest confession of his life? Really?

And then all these comments casually dropped about his former rank as angel - "How do you know I didn't do it?" / "That's not actually a thing, that's just something we used to joke about to frighten the Cherubs" / "They never change their passwords" - and all these hints about his memory - he knows how it feels to "look at where the furniture isn't", he doesn't remember or claims not to remember either Furfur or Saraquael - something just doesn't add up. It actually is like looking at where the furniture isn't.

I do want to believe that when I figure it out that I will know a lot more about what's coming in season 3. Alas, I don't think I can figure it out without knowing what is coming in season 3.

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mikesbasementbeets · 11 months

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ok. look at these.

look. that's the same look. right?

let's take a closer look. to do that, i'm gonna have to zoom in a bit on the first one. because, as you can immediately see, the shots are slightly different. the first is a little farther away, showing both mike and el, walking next to each other, whereas the second is much more intimate, a closeup on mike's expression as he looks at will's face in the foreground. a minor but telling difference about the levels of emotional intimacy in each scene.

so, moving past that first element of contrast, let's look at each shot in full, because in both of these scenes, mike goes on a bit of a face journey before he gets to that final smiling expression, seen above.

personally, i think studying actors' body language and micro-expressions is inconclusive at best, but i won't deny that these look similar. however, it's pretty clear to me that they aren't the same.

toward el, i see confusion, intrigue, maybe pleasant surprise, followed by a glance down (to emotionally process and/or watch his step), and then a nervous but friendly smile.

toward will, i see awe, relief, and overwhelming affection, followed by a shy glance down and a slight schooling of his slack jawed expression into a warm smile.

but, again, that's just my interpretation, and i can't say with any certainty what the intention of all of finn's micro-expressions are. but from my perspective, even a surface level viewing of these two expressions depicts a very different emotional experience. however: there's no denying the connection between these two scenes. they clearly mirror each other, just like a lot of things about mike's relationships with el and will mirror each other. i don't think that's an accident.

whatever you think his sexuality is, mike is undeniably in a romantic narrative with el. beginning in season one episode three, when the concept of their romantic relationship is introduced, the narrative arc mike and el share is heavily focused on that relationship. the first scene above actually happens in that same episode (s1e3), not coincidentally almost directly afterward. and the former scene, with mike, lucas, and dustin behind the baseball field, provides very interesting context for several reasons:

first: bear with me, because we're going back to look at the context behind this context. this is only episode three of the show, but already there's a lot going on, both in text and subtext.

and since we have the entirety of their relationship so far presented to us on screen, when lucas accuses mike of looking at el romantically, we're easily able to go back and figure out where he got that impression: we can examine every time lucas has seen mike look at el at all.

the first night, after finding el in the woods instead of will, and while insisting that the next day she'd be gone and they could focus on will again, mike's behavior is directly reminiscent of benny's. taking el in, and providing her with shelter, food, and clothing.

the next day, after learning that she's in danger and changing his mind about pawning her off on his mother, mike infers that she might know something about will. when lucas arrives, he exclaims that she recognized him and knew he was missing.

later, when lucas tells her that will is their friend, she asks what that means and mike explains. a friend...

and then she displays that she might really be able to help them find will. and mike looks at her like this:

each and every one of these interactions is directly related to will. but lucas, through the omnipresent lens of heteronormativity that surrounds boys' interactions with girls (especially a group of boys who have no experience with girls... more on that in a bit), only seems to consider the fact that mike's behavior, which is undeniably about will, is being directed at el.

throughout season one (and beyond, in more subtle ways), will and el are repeatedly connected to each other through the trope of mistaken identity. will is abducted on the same night (and due to the same series of events) that el escapes the lab. hopper, in his investigation into will's disappearance, keeps running into clues about el. and mike, lucas, and dustin, sneaking out in episode one to search for will, find el instead.

later in the season, hopper eventually realizes the truth of his own more overt mistaken identity arc: while he was under the assumption that he'd been following will's trail, he'd actually been following el's. interestingly, the realization is triggered by one specific distinguishing difference, which tells him beyond a doubt that he's been looking for two different kids: their art.

though much more subtle (aka hidden in the subtext), mike's arc with his feelings about will and el follows a very similar pattern. the main difference, though, is that in season one, the swapping of places is eventually reversed but never acknowledged as such, and mike ends season one with el now missing and will back in his life, but a lingering sense of something yet unresolved.

second: (i'm not going to deep dive into this one here, because it's a whole analysis in and of itself, but i need to mention it because it is relevant) this scene introduces the recurring motif of superheroes being directly connected to mike's feelings for el, which is an association we see follow them all the way into season four and become a defining metaphor for their incompatibility.

third: lucas is the character who first introduces mike's romantic feelings for el into the narrative. and instead of giving any indication that lucas' interpretation is correct, mike's reaction is... difficult to read. his response is immediately defensive, both verbally ("what are you talking about?" "shut up, lucas,") and physically (leaning away and shielding himself when lucas hugs him). we can infer from the original character descriptions why mike might be defensive about this subject:

obviously, this description is only a vague impression of what Mike Wheeler became, but it's clear that the core elements of his character outlined here did come to fruition on screen. here, mike's insecurity is linked both to the bullying he undergoes, and to his inexperience/ineptitude with girls. and it's presented as key to his character motivation (the original concept of his character arc put forth here is very straightforward: at the start, mike has insecurity centered around bullying and is romantically inexperienced. by the end, mike has courage against monsters and romantic experience.)

in any case, this scene is the first hint of this aspect of mike's character in the show itself (the earlier scene of bullying in the show focusing on mike consoling dustin over what he’s being bullied for (“i think it's kinda cool. it’s like you have superpowers or something!”)... see my last point here… mike holds the idea of superpowers in high regard, and they are consistently connected with his feelings about el. something about the mistaken identity through-line feels apt here: mike mistakes his feelings of admiration for el as feelings of romance.) in this scene, mike is confronted with both romance (in direct relation to himself for the first time in the show) and bullying.

but due to the way this is shot, it's impossible to get a read on what mike is truly feeling. it reminds me a lot of another scene, actually...

in both of these scenes, mike's genuine emotional reaction is hidden from us. in the first, lucas forcibly hugs him, teasing him about how much he "loves" el, and in effect introducing the idea of el as a romantic prospect to mike. in the second, el hugs mike tightly, her hand still around his neck from their kiss and his arm trapped in between them, similar to the way he shields himself from lucas. we're then shown that he's signed the card on the flowers squished between them "from, mike." hm. so... not love, as lucas suggests.

we come to learn over the course of season four that this is something mike is actively struggling with: his inability to "love" el in the way that she wants, expects, and deserves. this scene, introducing that season-long arc, conceals mike's true emotional state and motivations from us, again, mirroring the first introduction to their entire romantic plot line way back in season one.

(an aside: lucas' "if you love her so much, [then] why don't you marry her?" aka the inciting event of their romantic arc, is a based on a conditional statement with the hypothesis that mike loves el. as mr. clarke might posit (in, say, season one, episode one): what's the difference between an experiment and other forms of science investigation? ...well, an experiment is a controlled test of two or more variables against a hypothesis. does that remind you of anything happening in mike's romantic narrative? something about...... [murray voice] experimenting sexually?)

anyway. then, after extracting himself from el's embrace, mike finally drops his bag(gage) and opens his now empty arms to will, before preemptively cutting himself short with a punch to the shoulder.

...did someone say internalized homophobia?

and then immediately upon being introduced to argyle, mike is called out for his presentation here not being genuine. ("it's a shitty knock-off,"/"i really thought it was ocean pacific...") we're being told that something about mike's performance is not what it seems (and may even be a case of one thing being mistaken for something else).

and speaking of homophobia...

fourth (and finally): this scene, of lucas' teasing mike about his "love" for el, which i'll remind you again is tied directly to lucas mistaking mike's behavior regarding will as being solely about el, is quickly interrupted by an onslaught of homophobia, during which mike is specifically targeted (read: tripped) by the bullies.

the juxtaposition is immediate and obvious: mike's friends lovingly teasing him, even embracing him, over a crush on a girl vs. bullies maliciously taunting them about will being killed for being queer and then physically harming mike.

(there's also something to be said about the later scene in which these bullies force mike to drop his bike in the woods and chase him to the edge of the quarry, mirroring exactly how the cops assume will must have died... and, to be clear, i'm not saying that mike himself is being bullied for being queer in the way will was. no, mike's queerness is invisible to those around him in a way that will's isn't, so his relationship with it and the ways it affects him are hidden in subtext.)

which brings us directly to the following scene in the woods. el asks about mike's injury (sustained from the aforementioned bullying, thereby linking these two scenes even more concretely) and with a little prodding ("friends don't lie"), he opens up to her about what happened, and about being bullied at school. she listens, tells him she understands (this also follows her recent flashback of brenner's abuse in the lab), and they share a "cool," "cool," and a smile.

so... let's quickly jump over from here to the van scene with will. something similar, yet notably different, is happening in this scene, leading up to that infamous smile at the end. mike is sharing his insecurities with will now, but instead of will prodding him to open up, mike, prompted only by will's "she's gonna be okay," begins rambling so much about his insecurities (while speaking in superhero metaphors) that he eventually cuts himself off, saying it's "stupid." instead of letting him brush it off, will guesses exactly what mike is afraid of: "you're scared of losing her." he gives him The Painting (a symbol of his love for mike) and a long speech about feeling lost and different, while insisting upon mike's value (you're the heart, leading us, inspiring us, etc). and then they share a "yeah?" "yeah," and a smile.

so we can see the similarity in the way the shots are set up, the progression of the conversations, and mike's visible reactions. but we can also see distinct differences, all of which together inform a significant difference in emotional weight between these two scenes.

while mike's conversation in the woods with el takes place in the third episode of season one, at which point mike has known her for less than 48 hours, the van scene is in the second to last episode of season four, and is the fourth of five heart-to-hearts mike and will have this season alone (and following three previous seasons and beyond that years of close friendship). it is also arguably the climax of their shared arc this season. on the other hand, mike and el's season one moment is part of the introduction to their storyline, and the introduction to their romantic arc. in this moment in the woods, mike is looking at el romantically (did you think i was gonna argue that he isn't? because no, he definitely is). in fact, this is the beginning of mike's entire romantic arc, which sets out to address the foundational insecurity that is key to his character. we, as an audience, right alongside mike, have just been told (by lucas) that mike has romantic feelings for el. and then we are presented with this scene. we are supposed to view this as romantic. because mike is starting to view it as romantic.

had stranger things been one season long, then the climax of their romantic arc would have been the kiss they share in the cafeteria, followed by the denouement of el's symbolic death (the gay implications of which i could write another whole essay on...). but the end of season one was not the resolution of mike's full romantic arc. by the nature of the five act structure (which is what stranger things has, being five seasons), the entirety of season one serves as exposition for our full narrative. which means, in effect, that the entire arc of mike and el's season one relationship is there to serve as groundwork, a foundation for mike's complete five season arc. season one, starting from before he even meets el, all the way through to when he eventually kisses her and then loses her, is only act one of that arc. the first act of five act structure is when the driving conflict is presented. so in the context of the entire show, for us as the viewer, mike's narrative arc surrounding the romantic aspect of his insecurity begins with his season one "romance" with el.

and we know that this insecurity is an element of the full five-act narrative, rather than being presented and wrapped in the course of the mini "self contained" narrative of season one, because we can see plainly, three seasons later, particularly during mike's heart-to-hearts with will, that this insecurity has not yet been resolved. we know this, on a basic level, from having watched mike and el's relationship struggles progress, but it is still explicitly laid out for us in season four. and will is consistently the only person who genuinely hears mike out, encourages him to open up, and addresses his insecurities, instead of brushing him off, like most other people in his life (including will at some points) have done. will understands him in a way el only claimed to in season one.

looking back to the character outline: mike has now "kiss[ed] a girl" and even "had a girlfriend" and still hasn't resolved his insecurities even remotely. in fact, after the first season arc wraps up, this romantic relationship becomes the main source of that insecurity. his difficulty navigating a real romantic relationship with el is the basis of their arc in season three. and by season four, mike is consciously struggling with being unable to tell el that he loves her. despite will's reassurances that things will be okay (which stack onto lucas' constant relationship advice in season three), mike keeps circling back around to it. because he can't move forward on the path he is on.

he has reached a point of no return, like a “fight you can’t come back from.” he is unable to find the security he is searching for in his romantic relationship with el... and this is where we arrive back at the van scene with will.

if the scene in the woods marks the beginning of the introduction of mike's romantic arc, then the scene in the van marks the beginning of the conclusion of mike's romantic arc. if the introduction of his romantic arc (season one) presents his insecurity, then the natural conclusion of that arc (season five) is security. throughout season four, mike lays out for will the insecurity that his relationship with el still brings him. he is unable to find that security with el, and, in the van scene, finds it with will instead.

or, should i say, begins the journey to finding it. because, especially after the lie that brings them into that moment, and then traumatic pizza dough freezer incident, we're still at the beginning of the conclusion. there's still a lot to resolve, but season four (alongside mike, who now understands what he's been going through) finally began moving the subtext of mike's arc into the actual text. and this moment indicates that season five will take that next step to fully, textually, actualizing it.

so, getting back to the parallel we're looking at here: each of these scenes is a catalyzing moment in mike's romantic arc. in season one, when lucas suggests that mike has a crush on el, and then what follows is a conversation with el where she is (to quote lucas) "not grossed out" by him, he actively begins his journey toward resolving this character motivating insecurity. he looks at el and he sees the possibility of romance.

and just look at him. he looks excited. hopeful. a little nervous. but... i want to remind you again: mike has known el for less than 48 hours at this point. this is the first conversation they've had in which they've related to each other as equals. for their entire relationship before this and afterward, outside of their romantic interactions (and also. often. disturbingly. concurrent with their romantic interactions...), mike's role has been as el's protector, a makeshift father figure, the elliot to her E.T. here, though, el tells mike that she understands him.

in season one, mike is twelve years old (read: pre-pubescent). he has no personal understanding of or experience with romance. dustin starts to comment in s1e2, "you're letting a girl...?" and ted later scoffs "our son with a girl?" and outside of the queer coding, what we can take from both of these (which draw back to the original character description) is that mike has no experience with girls whatsoever. (outside of, you know. family. but that's not what this post is about.)

and again, this scene happens almost directly after lucas first introduces the idea of romance between them, both to the narrative, and to mike himself, who, very significantly, up until this point, has shown no romantic interest in el. the sequence of these events is not a coincidence. 1. lucas assumes mike has romantic feelings for el. 2. el and mike have a moment of personal connection and understanding 3. mike "boys only" wheeler puts these two together and assumes the connection between them must be romance. but the expression on mike's face here isn't a representation of already existing romantic feelings. there's no basis for those. again, this moment represents for mike the potential for romance.

which... makes his expression in the van scene hit even harder. because unlike el, will isn't a stranger he barely knows, but rather his best friend of ten years. and it isn't lucas telling mike how mike feels. it's will professing his own feelings about mike, in direct response to mike's self-professed insecurities. (ding ding ding, are your alarm bells going off?) mike's expression at the end of this scene, if we're viewing it as a reprise of his season one expression, is a representation of hope for his romantic future. but this time, heading into the resolution of mike's romantic arc, with all of the knowledge and context we (and mike) have gained over the course of the past four seasons, it's directed at will.

ok. so. with the basic connection between these two scenes established, i'm gonna move a little bit sideways here. at the end of their romantic arc in season one, el disappears from mike's life and will reappears in it, effectively swapping their places (remember that we've been dealing with the mistaken identity trope between these two), and leaving the question of mike's romantic security glaringly unresolved.

and we know why - this is a five act narrative we're watching - but just within the context of the season one arc... the climactic moment of mike finally asking the girl to be his sister kissing the girl was preceded by her locating will in the upside down (leading to his rescue) and followed by a resolution in which she disappeared... and will took her place. at the end of the season, mike is left in the same place he started: playing games in his basement with will, his first attempt to resolve his arc of romantic insecurity, with el, ultimately ending in tragedy.

after season one, this arc picks up again, but this time will is the one present in mike's life. and mike's behaviors toward el in season one, during which they were undergoing a romantic story arc, begin showing up again in his behavior toward will. but unlike with el, mike's particular (read: romantic) behavior toward will happens without outside intervention, and in fact, often in spite of outside intervention. now, this isn't to say that all of mike's behavior with el was a result of others' influence. when el reveals to mike that she is on the run from "bad people," mike is immediately protective and caring toward her. however, as i've already explained, this caring behavior (which, again, we know right off the bat is not romantic because it directly mirrors the way both benny and hopper care for her) doesn't turn into romantic behavior until lucas introduces that idea.

on the opposite side of the spectrum, right from episode one of season one, mike's behavior toward will is fully self motivated, even in the face of opposition.

and as we move through season one and beyond, we can see that mike continues to rely on constant guidance in the way he cares about el (particularly and most consistently from lucas).

stranger things is, at it's horror filled core, a coming of age tale. like many of our other characters, mike's full character arc, romantic and otherwise, is about self-actualization. from the very conception of the show, his insecurity is presented as a central character flaw to overcome, while also being directly linked with his romantic fulfillment. the overcoming of this fatal flaw, the resolution of his romantic arc, and his final achievement of self-actualization are all inextricably intertwined.

the reprisal of this specific expression of romantic hope as we enter the end of mike's romantic arc is not an indication that mike is in the same place emotionally at the end of season four as he was at the beginning of season one, just with a different person now. instead, it is an indication of his romantic arc coming full circle. mike began in a position of hope for his romantic future with el, only to have the actualization of that hope (their romantic relationship) gradually degrade his romantic fulfillment and self-esteem. the longer mike and el are together, and the more serious their romantic relationship becomes, the worse mike's insecurities become. this is, i would argue, directly related to the fact that mike's pursuit of a romantic relationship with el is not due to his own genuine desire, but instead a combined result of heteronormativity (lucas assuming mike's feelings for el to be romantic), compulsive heterosexuality (mike's subsequent assumption that his feelings for el must be romantic), forced conformity (mike's attempt to resolve his insecurities firmly within these heteronormative boundaries, under the assumption that a rejection of these boundaries is unacceptable), and the trope of mistaken identity that has been following will and el since season one.

and of course i don't know with any concrete certainty what season five will contain, but based on the narrative so far, and optimistically expecting a satisfying resolution to his character arc, the actualization of his romantic hope regarding will is going to lead to true romantic fulfillment and coincide with his self-actualization (a big part of which is coming to terms with his sexuality).

now, i'm not going to conclude this whole analysis by saying, "and that's why mike is gay!" because while i think this all is a good indication of that, based on all of the context and my impression that this narrative is being presented in a way that focuses on the subtext and deeper symbolism of each of these relationships rather than being a case of specifically el vs. will, you might still have a different interpretation than me. that's fine. however, i am going to end by insisting (me when i argue with the wall), based on everything i've laid out, that this parallel and others like it (ie parallels between byler & miIeven's romantic arcs) are not evidence of mike's feelings, specifically whether they are genuinely romantic or not. this parallel serves as a narrative device in his romantic character arc... the conclusion of which is mike realizing and coming to terms with the fact that he is actually in love with will, and not el.

just to be very clear, i'm not saying these parallels alone are proof against mike being bisexual, but i am saying that they are not evidence in support of his being bisexual. again: they do not indicate that mike is romantically attracted to el. what they indicate is that will and el are foils in mike's romantic arc.

before i finish, i want to address a couple misconceptions:

1. the fact that mike actively and willingly participates in a romantic relationship with a woman means he can’t be gay. this is straight up homophobia. gold star bullshit. no.

2. mike and el being presented in a romantic light means that they have genuine romantic feelings for each other. this is a misconception of the way narrative tools are used to tell a story. going right back to my first point: it is an irrefutable fact that many gay people have romantic relationships with the people of different genders (read “the opposite sex”) before they come out/realize their true sexuality. it is also a fact that many of these gay people fully believe their feelings to be genuinely romantic before realizing that they are not. as i've already gone over, mike is twelve years old when his romantic arc begins. on the surface, his relationship with el is presented as romantic. he participates in (and even initiates) romantic behaviors because he believes that his feelings for el are romantic. in seasons one and two, mike is one of our main POV characters. we can see a romantic tilt to the way some of their scenes are shot because, to mike, while they are happening, they are romantic (keeping in mind what i said before about mike having no experience and therefore no personal knowledge informing his perspective, AND keeping in mind that many of these on-the-surface "romantic" scenes are also consistently subtextually linked (read: paralleled) to familial relationships for both of them... and i haven't even touched the cultural context surrounding homosexuality in 80's. there's so much nuance informing the way this story is being told). and we, as the audience, are supposed to read them as romantic on first viewing, because otherwise the season five plot twist, revealing the truth of mike's feelings, would not work.

it is not a coincidence that the active degradation of their romantic relationship (outside of all of the other context, parallels, symbolism, family coding, etc, that are there to hint along the way that things are not as they might seem) begins full force in season three, at the exact point when the two actually enter a real relationship for the first time, and also when our characters are entering puberty, the time during which a person's sexuality (in a general sense, but also in regard to sexual orientation) begins to fully emerge. after his season one arc with el, mike underwent another season-long romantic arc: this time, with will. it's more subtle, because (i believe) mike doesn't realize yet that it's romantic, but it's there. then at the end of season two, mike makes a choice: he encourages will to dance with a girl and he dances with el, re-writing their tragic ending from season one, but now leaving his romantic arc with will frustratingly unresolved, again mirroring the sense of unresolution from season one: mike has swapped out the end of each romantic arc with the wrong love interest.

and then in season three, now having had the experience of both romantic arcs, and now, for the first time, with both will and el right there beside him, all we can see anymore is the overt contrast between the two relationships, depicted most blatantly through the same type of visual and narrative "parallel" we've been looking at here.

but at the end of this season, instead of making a choice, mike's choice is made for him. he has a romantic moment with will, and then el kisses him, confusing the resolution of these two romantic arcs once again.

mike's season four arc closely mirrors his season one arc (searching for one love interest with the other by his side, mistaken identity trope abound), but with important distinctions: 1. mike is a little older, a lot more experienced, and has a better understanding of both the context of romantic relationships and the scope of his feelings for both el and will. and 2. mike's only real guidance in season four comes from will, and he doesn't simply listen and act based on will's advice, as he did with lucas' in seasons 1&3. now, he fully engages with will's input, pushing back against it when he doesn't agree, and accepting it when he can acknowledge its truth (up until, of course, our fourth (and hopefully final) tragic, incorrectly resolved ending). mike is finally taking control of his romantic narrative in a way he hasn't previously, and the direction it's heading in now is toward security, self-actualization, and will.

so the point of all of this is: nothing is as simple or straightforward as it may seem on the surface. the narrative has always been deeply complex and layered with subtext and symbolism. and most of all, when interpreting the meaning of anything presented directly to us on screen, context matters.

also uh. yeah, mike gay

#byler #mikesbasementbeets posts #parallels are there to be noticed. but that should be where the analysis begins. not where it ends.#this got kinda long i just wanted to be really thorough bc this kind of 'parallel = 1:1 similarity' thinking is way too prevalent #this is less an analysis and more me explaining the plot of the show but. sometimes it feels like it needs to be explained lmao #yes i lied about the ending but when you eliminate the only claim negating that conclusion....#that's. i mean that's the conclusion.#(btw the difference between comparative and experimental investigations is that in an experiment one of the variables is fixed.#something to think about)#mike wheeler

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