I don't think I'm cut out to be an intellectual, I have been noticing a lot in the last year in particular that I kind of shoot from the hip and think that things are basically similar and interrelated and I keep crashing against people who insist that everything is utterly distinct and unique and nothing has anything to do with anything else

If I were being generous with my peers I would say perhaps I am not rigorous enough but if I'm being honest I feel like I'm just insufficiently pedantic

okay, ignore the previous ask, i can't be more blind and stupid (💀).

so, if it isn't a bother, may you write some headcanons about the kings (satan, mammon, beelzebub and leviathan) with a reader who's slightly chubby and dislikes their (reader's) body.

thanks in advance, dear.

–☕ (wishing to end myself after this one.)

Hi ! Thank you so much for your request and congratulations for being the first request that is not about sex lol I needed a break.

Here it is! I loved writing this request and I hope you like it ♡

It's a bit OOC in some parts (Leviathan), but in my defense, it's not easy to write fluff about them.

Also, I'm sorry if I didn't focus much on the body type part, I'm not a great fan of specifying the reader's body type, race, and sometimes even height, but it's okay! I tried my best.

Also, this is my contribution to the soft and sweet Mammon HC.

𝗪𝗛𝗕

𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦

"𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗬𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗘𝗟𝗙 𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘 𝗜 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗬𝗢𝗨"

♡

𝗦𝗔𝗧𝗔𝗡

✮ He’s in denial, Satan has you on a pedestal and he genuinely cannot believe that you think this way about yourself, simply because it’s a completely different opinion than the one he has of you.

✮ If you dare to mention any discomfort with your appearance in front of him, he will laugh in your face telling you to stop joking about such things, and when you look at him completely serious he might realize that he was wrong.

✮ Satan genuinely doesn't have any specific body preference, in his eyes you’re perfect, all he cares about is that you’re healthy both physically and mentally. 

✮ Once he fully realizes, you won't EVER hear him joking about it, and if someone else dared to they’re dead within seconds. The same goes for you "jokingly" mistreating yourself, that's the biggest offense for him and the lecture your life awaits you.

✮ This situation would become a priority for satan, he's capable of leaving aside all his work just to do the impossible to make you feel better about yourself. 

✮ He gets very frustrated every time you talk negatively about yourself, and he feels sad every time he notices that you feel insecure about your body, Satan somehow puts himself in your shoes, and that makes him take everything too seriously.

“Stop looking at yourself like that, I know what you're thinking and I don't like it” He hugs you from behind "Let's talk, you're too pretty to be thinking those things"

𝗕𝗘𝗘𝗟𝗭𝗘𝗕𝗨𝗕

✮ He might believe that you’re joking if you tell him, and he also might jokingly tell you something like “Yeah, I don’t like your body either” Clearly no offense intended, he would genuinely think that you’re not being serious.

✮ Beelzebub won’t realize that his “Harmless comment” made you feel bad unless someone else tells him that he screwed up, probably many days later he will approach you and actually apologize.

✮ Don’t expect any elaborate apologies from him, he will tell you what is necessary. But after he has taken a long time trying to remember everything you said to him that day, he will subtly start looking for ways to make you feel better about yourself. 

✮ Believe me, Beelzebub is going to make sure you hear every chance he gets about how perfect you are, and in case he forgets to tell you, Bael is under strict orders to remind him. 

✮ He’s really supportive but he sucks at showing it, his main goal is to distract you from your insecurity by at the same time trying to not distract himself, and somehow, it works.

"And who said that being yourself is not okay? As long as that beautiful body of yours is well-fed and healthy, you are the hottest person out there"

𝗠𝗔𝗠𝗠𝗢𝗡

✮ He would get offended, but like, really offended, the moment he notices or when you tell him about it he acts like those Latina grandmas when their grandchild tells them they're gay,

literally him.

✮ He's never seen anyone more ethereal than you, how do you even dare to dislike yourself?

✮ He genuinely doesn’t care about your body type, your weight, etc, as long as you’re healthy he’s going to love every part of you.

✮ He’s an amazing listener, Mammon will encourage you to vent to him while he slowly caresses your hair, and every time you say something he’s not okay with, he kisses your forehead.

✮ He wouldn't think you're joking, the opposite, Mammon would take this really seriously, but like, too seriously, to the point where you’re not getting out of Tartaros without loving your body as much as he loves it, and believe me, that’s a lot. 

“How can you hate such a beautiful body like yours? Every inch of you is perfect and just looking at you feels like a privilege, so don't overthink too much please”

𝗟𝗘𝗩𝗜𝗔𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗡

✮ Leviathan will genuinely get mad at you, if he finds out, he will ignore you, and if you tell him, he will leave and ignore you too, but it’s temporary, he will get over it in a few days. 

✮ He kind of sucks at comforting people, but he can and will try his best with you, just don’t expect much from him, and know that he’s genuine about it.

✮ He will make an annoyed face every time you comment something negative about yourself, and trust me, you will notice.

✮ Leviathan has a very good memory, and he’ll make a mental note of every part of your body that you mention that you don’t like, and every chance he gets he will make sure to kiss or caress that part. He won’t be very obvious, but somehow, he will find a way to discreetly improve your opinion of yourself.

✮ He would hang anyone who dared to make jokes about your body, and would also hang anyone who complimented you, only he has the right to do that.

✮ And on those days when you feel particularly bad about your body, Leviathan will be sure to find a way to distract you with something else, he’s very observant so he wouldn’t need to listen to you to know how you feel, he’ll just suddenly leave his work for a few hours and take you to one of your favorite places, even if he hates the place, he hates more that you have a bad opinion of yourself.

“Get those thoughts out of your head, people should be jealous of how you look, okay? Don't be ridiculous”

Fear (Simon Riley x AFAB!GN!Reader)

A/N: I was recently reminded of my worst fear, that being cryptic pregnancy (No weight gain, no symptoms, no nothing. You don't know about the baby until it's on its way out) and can't stop thinking about it, so I decided to write a fic to get it out of my system. (sorry if this sucks, this is the first fic I've published in like almost a decade)

Genre: hurt/comfort

TW: Blood, mentions of childbirth, medical inaccuracies, possibly OOC Ghost, reader genuinely thinks they're dying

You couldn't sleep.

Not because of the thoughts racing in your mind but of the unbearable pain in your abdomen.

Occam's razor would tell you that it was just your period, but you've never experienced cramps like this before, like being torn in half.

With a huff, you shove the blanket off your body and get up, but as soon as your feet hit the floor, pain shoots up your spine, causing you to crumple to the floor, wailing out in agony. You clutch your stomach, forcing air in and out of your lungs.

Why am I wet? you thought.

The pain had distracted you until now, but you managed to reach for your bedside lamp to see blood running down your legs.

A lot of it, too.

As the fear settled in your bones, you hurry to get your phone and call for an ambulance.

"999, what's your emergency?"

"I don't know what's wrong, I'm in a lot of pain, I can't stop bleeding... I-I can't walk."

"Where are you now?"

You give the address to your flat and hang up when the dispatcher assures you that the ambulance isn't far.

Walking may seem impossible, but you manage to crawl to the front door to unlock it, sitting down in the hall, waiting.

Desperation clings to your heart, and you make one more call, this time to your ex-boyfriend, but it went straight to voicemail.

"Simon? Hey, it's me... I just wanted to say I'm sorry. For my attitude, the arguments, all of it."

The blood loss is getting to you, but you take a ragged breath and press on.

"I think I'm dying, an ambulance is on their way, but–"

The pain spikes suddenly, causing you to scream.

"In case I do, just know that I love you."

Hearing sirens from outside, you hang up and wait, dreading the black spots in your vision.

The ambulance ride is a blur, the EMT asking questions that your brain isn't processing, and you barely remember being put under at the hospital.

As your eyes flutter open hours later, sunlight leaks into the room through the blinds, and your stomach is sore, but you otherwise feel better.

A nurse is still in the room, typing away on the computer in your room.

"What happened?"

She seemed startled yet relieved at your voice, still groggy from sleep.

"This may come as a shock to you,"

Uh oh.

"But you experienced what's called a cryptic pregnancy and needed to undergo an emergency C-section. The bleeding was caused by a tear in your uterine lining, but you'll recover just fine."

Her diagnosis hit you like a brick to the face.

"So... I had a baby?"

"Yes, a little girl; a bit premature, but otherwise healthy."

You merely hum in acknowledgement as you look around the room, your eyes landing on the bassinet.

"Would you like to hold her?" the nurse asked.

"I... yes."

She smiles as she walks around the bed, picking up your daughter and passing her to you.

A lump forms in your throat as you lock eyes with the infant in your arms, hers a deep brown.

"Um... hello," you say, "it's nice to meet you."

As you fall silent, the nurse pipes up once again.

"I'll leave you two be for now. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call for someone."

You quickly thank her before she leaves, closing the door behind her, and you quickly turn your attention back to your daughter.

Your heart and mind were both racing as you admired her, even softly speaking to her every so often. For seconds or hours, you're not quite sure, but you only snapped out of your trance when the door opened.

You watch as Simon comes in and pulls up a chair next to your hospital bed, on the same side as the bassinet, all without a word.

"I'm guessing they wouldn't let you in looking like the Grim Reaper," you joked, taking note of the black surgical mask on his face, "How've you been?"

"I should be asking you," he said, "that voicemail scared the shit outta me."

"I've been..."

What do you even say?

"Honestly, not great; missed you like hell," you admit, casting your eyes back down to your baby and letting her tiny hand grip onto one of your fingers, "but I think I'll be okay."

"Cute little thing," he said, referring to your little girl.

"Thanks, I made it myself."

"Got a name yet?"

"Haven't exactly had much time to think of one," you reply, "got any ideas?"

"You told me you always liked the name Emilia."

"That's true. Seems it's settled then," you do your best to straighten up, "Simon, meet Emilia... Riley?"

"Riley," he confirmed, making you smile for the first time in a while.

"Do you want to hold her?"

He nodded, and you placed a kiss on her forehead before passing her over to him.

She already looked tiny in your arms, but compared to Simon's much bigger frame, she was damn near microscopic. He was practically holding her with just his hands, handling her delicately, like one wrong move would cause her to fall apart.

"What d'you say you come back home," he said, "We try again, be a family."

"Is that actually what you want? I don't want to be the parents that are only together for our child's sake."

"I mean it."

"That's good," you pause, fighting back tears, "Promise I won't be such a bitch this time 'round."

"You say that like I was a saint."

"Then we'll both be better, for each other and for her."

"Deal."

You silently admire the scene before you for a few minutes until the nurse from earlier returns.

She asked some questions about you and the baby, filled in some blanks on the birth certificate, and stepped out to bring you some ice water, leaving you to think about the past twelve hours.

"I'm honestly dreading going back to my flat." you thought aloud.

"Why?" Simon asked. He carefully placed Emilia back in the bassinet, giving you his full attention.

"There's blood everywhere."

"I'll take care of it; you just rest up and heal," he stood as he spoke, taking off his mask to kiss your temple, but before he had a chance to walk away, you placed a hand on his shoulder, urging him to stay.

"Promise you'll come back?"

"Promise."

As he left, the weight of the situation settled deep in your bones, but you found solace in knowing that you wouldn't have to face it alone, and that things would hopefully turn out better this time around.

Not a Dunmeshi stan BUT BUT BUT the last episode was A FUCKING DELIGHT because of Chilchuck.

First: I can't fucking stan the hero character archetype. Specifically, the "pure hero". OH GOD, I hate them so much. The hero character that is sooooooo self-giving, that only does good and has not a single stain of selfishness. Is always ready to die for the greater good and the only moment you can see 'em doing something bad it's because "they're also dumb and quirky". Take for example the cute clumsiness of Marinette. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. No, NO! 1000 years in Hell.

I hate how they're depicted like muscled babies in armors ahshasa. "SOOOOOOOOOO INNOCENT AND SOOOOOOOOOO NICE"

Like, call me Eleanor Shellstop because she was right!!! All of this nice characters must have some skeletons in their closets. HOW pretentious yisus CHRIST!!

And for good or bad, my inner compass is trying to locate Laios in this box. I'm definitely wrong, or so I hope, we're only in the WHAT? part of the anime, but still. Call me Villain because I can't stand the "pure heroes" hashahsa. Give me selsfishness, give me hate, give me genuine wrong doing. And BY THE WAY, I'm not talking about the "I hate evil people" kind of hate, that's only the other side of the pure angelic coin.

AND CHILCHUCK GAVE IT TO ME. AAAAAAAA!!!! *FANBOY NOISES*. YOU CAN FUCKING SEE THE MENTAL CONNECTIONS AT PLAY, I WANT TO DISSECT THAT DIVORCED MINION AND SEE HIS MIND.

THE MENTAL ASSOCIATION OF RISK--------STUPIDITY???? I'm pissing myself. A CHARACTER READY TO LIE TO HIS FRIENDS IN ORDER TO KEEP THEM AND HIMSELF ALIVE???????? YES YES YES YES YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS.

Laios is ready to do anything in order to save his sister, but that's just another "heroic" quality. You could say the same about his special interest and the way he's sometimes blind to his crew needs and emotions. However, he's "the heeeeeeeero" and everything he does eventually turns out to be right. Once again, I'm definitely biting more than I can chew but I keep my point for the general archetype.

The screaming-middle-aged-child was RIGHT about a lot of stuff ashahsa. About how stupid and impulsive a lot of decisions were, AND I'M HERE FOR THAT. That's for me the main difference and my main issue with these characters: That everything they do, no matter how stupid is always rewarded.

Chilchuck was just HMMMMMMMMMM *CHEF KISS IN THE ANUS*. Someone genuinely coward, ready to lie to the friends that saved his life multiple times??? A traitor in the name of fucking security???? An open glimpse to his mind mechanics and how he sees the world in something more fleshed out than the "hero quest"?????????????? A VIVISSECTION OF HIS FEAR, HATE, LOVE AND DEFECTS??????????????????????????????????

Roasting him, EATING HIM.

(I know almost nothing about Kabrus but something tells me that I'd receive my kick then ashhasha)

https://www.tumblr.com/defendingts/750845507072622592/what-do-you-think-the-p-and-the-r-in-pr-stand-for?source=share

“no celebrity is treated the way Taylor is.”

That is such an outrageous claim. Taylor is praised by 90% of the media. Taylor has a [rabid] fan base that send literal death threats to people who voice their negative opinions on her. Taylor being called out for genuinely bad work and bad choices is not hate it’s accountability.

Britney Spears has it worse than Taylor and continues to have it worse than most celebrities. Miley Cyrus endured some of the worst treatment from the general public and media of a current star when she was growing up. Justin Bieber has been abused by the media since he was 15. Michael Jackson was ridiculed at every turn when he was alive and people still tried to take advantage and drag his name through the dirt after he died. Marilyn Monroe was treated as more of an object than a person and still is mistreated today with misrepresentations of her life being made for entertainment purposes. Cassie literally just had footage of being assaulted by her ex Diddy released to the public. God I could keep going but I won’t. The proof is out there. She’s just too blind to see it. She claims she’s not a Swiftie but she clearly is. If she’s neutral towards Taylor she could at least acknowledge that Taylor has had it very easy in contrast to MOST celebrities.

I had her original account blocked but she made a new one and keeps posting in the anti tag and I’m just fed up. I’ve blocked her again but I needed to rant. Most people in the anti tag aren’t actively hating just expressing their frustrations and even if they were hating. ITS IN THE ANTI TAG. OMG. Sorry but she’s clearly a Swiftie who doesn’t have a god damn life and is baiting people into her ask box. She probably sends herself messages to show she’s got a larger following than she actually does. It’s pathetic. She calls antis pathetic but really we vent to a couple of blogs who agree with our thoughts and those blogs post them. She’s the one seeking out these things to complain about them. It’s so f*ckin annoying

I've honestly called other performers WAY worse things than I've called Taylor Swift. I've criticized countless artists for a variety of things. Hell, anyone who knows me knows I have just as many issues with Harry Styles as I do Taylor Swift (they're basically two versions of the same issues if you ask me).

I tag my posts the way I do for one reason, and one reason only: so that swifties can block me, block the tag(s), and fuck off. I'm not going to sit here and try to convince someone that they shouldn't support her - that has to come from your own moral compass. But in return, don't come on to my posts and tell me I'm wrong for having an opinion based on the facts we're given 24/7.

And as far as the old bullshit of "antis are pathetic" (how very 2010 tumblr lol), I say mocking someone for having an opinion you don't like is MORE pathetic. Taylor Swift is shoved down our throats literally constantly - if I'm forced to be aware of her bullshit, I'm going to have an opinion on it. If that opinion isn't favorable towards her, sucks to fucking suck. You know what I don't post about? Who Hilary Duff did or didn't go on a date with last weekend. Because I have no clue what happens in her personal life, and I'm not about to go be a stalker freak to find out. If Taylor Swift can't stand people not liking her, maybe she should put less of herself on display. And again, if swifties don't like my opinions, they can block me and my tags like adults and move on.

Bellroc x GN! Reader

Disclaimers: I am using all he/she/they pronouns for Bellroc and just referring to them as all genders as to my knowledge they are androgynous, pls excuse me if I'm wrong about that

Congratulations, you successfully obtained a flamethrower girlfriend that hates all of humanity. How? good question, onto the head cannons :)

They always have a reason to be right next to you, it's a windy day in the Flying Fortress of the arcane order? what if you get blown away and fall and they need to catch you? You should just stay near him today. Skraels in the room? Youll get too cold! You need to stay next to me just incase (yes Bellrocs presence alone is warmth, they are your personal campfire). You have chores to do around the fortress? What if you get lost? it is giant, he will have Skrael take over watch today so Bellroc can accompany you. "Just admit you wanna spend time with me" "don't imply such nonsense, you are a mere mortal. Should danger arise, You need me to protect you" You get the gist, they aren't paranoid and needs your presence to relax them no no.. You're the one that needs them constantly 100%

He will never admit he is somewhat clingy and if you even dare insinuate that you will get a 2 hour lecture on why you're incorrect in ancient fancy Shakespeare sorcerer language, the "thou"s and "thine"s come out when they get defensive (I'm messing, they get flustered af when they get called out accurately but mask it like hell)

She is definitely the more dominant side of the relationship, if that wasn't obvious. She believes you are like glass and they are very protective of you, they won't outright say they worry for you. Nono you fool thinking they would admit that, they'll make up reasons you can't do certain things and why they have to always accompany you even in the fortress, you have a very hard time getting to touch grass and on the lucky occasion you're out alone, they're just stalking you from afar. They do understand your need for freedom and time to yourself... somewhat.. which is why you're allowed to leave at all, she doesn't necessarily want to upset you so best case scenario, you will never find out whenever you go outside they use spells or even just stalk you themselves 24/7. just to make sure you're safe.. and you come back

cough cough moving on

they will get offended if you ever use a lighter or any other means for a heat source

yes I'm fr, they won't admit it though because he would feel weak to care about that

Bellroc's love language is quality time 100% however they believe human affection is.. stupid. Stuff like cuddling, pda, kissing yeah no and they will say that very confidently. However they wouldn't necessarily stop you if you decided to hug them, they would be confused as to be honest, Nari is the only one that's ever hugged them in their billions of years of existence, also Skrael but that's like a once in a millennium thing and neither of them will ever admit it (they both feel its a weak thing and also they don't like to admit they do have genuine care for each other). If you hug them they will probably just very awkwardly put an arm around you and if you're lucky, they will sit on their knees so you can properly reach them (reminding you they are 6'8... AHH-)

They are willing to stay in your room with you at night or just have you in their own chambers even though they rarely need sleep but if you think they're cuddling you oh nuhuh they are literally just standing at your door staring at you all night. However, if you nag enough and pull the "its so cold" card they might just give you one night, but you are NEVER TO TELL THE OTHERS

Bellroc doesn't in the slightest want to seem soft for you even if they are. They do actually have a slight aversion to touch, it got a lot worse after they were blinded (I head cannon its a spell that allows them to use the pauldrons as eyes and it can get tiring so most of the time they like to just chill out when they can) because of course, now they don't always know somethings gonna touch them before it does. However, there's a minor exception for you

Im tired, pls bring this fandom to life and give me more bellroc

fin.

The first character of '78 is my favorite Italian Nerd, Attilio Moretti.

Here's some basic info! <3

Goes By: Attilio Nicknames: Tilly, AM, 4-Eyes DOB: Feb.14th, 1956 Age: 22 (until Valentine's, then he's 23 for the rest of the story) Gender: Male (He/Him) Sexuality: Bi/Pan Ethnicity: Jewish, Italian Occupation: Student (Business Major), Volunteers at the Library, Tutoring, Possible side-job, Possible Waiter at Family Restaurant Socioeconomic Status: Fairly rich family, everyone jokes that it's because of Mafia connections, but his family just runs a genuinely good restaurant Place of Birth: Sicily, Italy Family: Has a younger sister and brother, Mother (Jewish) and Father (Italian), big extended family Height: 5'8“ (5'10” with shoes) Weight: 140 lbs. Disabilities: Extremely Near-Sighted, would be almost blind without his glasses Fashion Style: Soft/Preppy/Nerd, usually sweaters and a button down. Glasses needed (see previous point) Coordination (or lack thereof): Horrible coordination, even with glasses, can't catch a single thing thrown at him to save his life even if it's a pen, always fumbles Personality Type/Trait: Logistician - Practical and Fact-Minded, Very Reliable. Bit of a Know-It-All, and cocky about it. Introvert/Extrovert: Introverted, but can open up if dragged somewhere with someone he trusted and not left alone. Intelligence: Above Average, except when it comes to social situations, smartest out of all of the Main 8 Self-Esteem: Slightly Below Average, doesn't hate himself, but he doesn't think he's good enough for the MC beyond friendship, aka he thinks MC could do better. He does however see himself as an intellectual superior amongst the guys though, and will brag about that. Hobbies: Reading, Studying, Helping Keo with basic Tech Tinkering, Cooking, Collects Rare Book Printings Skills/Talents: Cooking, High Intellect, Good Problem Solver/Mediator Loves: Reading and Learning about other cultures, Helping Others, Being Right, Relaxing Alone, Finding Rare Book Printings for his Collection Phobias/Fears: Being Wrong, Someone loosing Trust in him, Being Alone Forever, Unwanted, Unloved, Large Groups of Water Angered By: Bullying (Syd, in general), Ignorance Pet Peeves: Untidiness, People not Listening to Him Obsessed With: Getting good grades, Being Right, Cleanliness (I'm starting to think he has some type of OCD, very “everything has it's place” type of deal), Learning as Much as he Can about Everything he Can Bad habits: Bragging about how Smart he is, loyal even too a fault, saying ”I told you so!!!“ while not actually helping with fixing the problem, Ignoring people if he thinks they're a waste of time Desires: Life-Long Companionship, Success, to have a Family one day, Intimacy, Experience Flaws: A bit of an Ego with his intelligence, doesn't always think about other's feelings if it means he'll be right, Clutz, Quiet, a bit of a Coward (ex: won't stand up for himself if Syd goes too far), has an outward-directed desire to please others but at the risk of losing his own identity Secrets: The crush he's had on his Best-Friend (MC) since they were kids, he'd practically die if they knew, let alone if they reciprocated those feelings. Anyone finding the ”Adult“ books in his collection. While his direct family doesn't have ties to the Mafia, doesn't mean his extended family doesn't. Has a pretty intense scar he got back in High School thanks to Manzo on his left hip. Regrets: Despite the previous point, he wishes everyday that he could tell MC about his feelings, and that he wishes he told them sooner. Meeting Syd. Not being able to say no to doing BeeDee's homework, because of his more surface level crush for her and need to be liked Accomplishments: Got in on a scholarship, had the best grades in his former High School. Won a local cook-off, and still has the tiny trophy in his room. The rare printings of Kafka's works and "La Divina Commedia" that he has in his collection. Languages Known: Fluent in Italian and English, and is slowly picking up some Vietnamese and 'Ōlelo Hawai'i (from hanging out with Keo) and some Japanese (from being roommates with Manzo)

(Things are subject to change the more I get things fine tuned, I've also kept some things secret for the time being. - Crow <3)

Bonus! Basic Profile Sheet, for funsies! X

Rock-star thoughts

Ok, so. Rockstar came out. And it was, as expected, awesome. I have so many thoughts about the comeback, a lot of which are *incoherent screaming*. But, I also wanted to write about what I thought of the songs overall. So, enjoy the word vomit <3

Megaverse

I've said it once, I'll say it again; the first tracks on skz albums always go HARD.

Absolutely in love with the beginning- Felix singing in french, and I'm in love with Bangchan's verse, it reminds me of the 'break the wall' ateez fanchant for some reason

This is the ultimate hype song, very much following in the footsteps of it's predecessor Hall of Fame

Lalalala

This title track ROCKED (pun intended)

Often, I find that I like the b-sides of skz albums far more than the title track; which really frustrates me, but Lalalala did NOT disappoint. It is the epitome of what a title track should be, since it represents skz so well; unapologetically loud and fun

I absolutely love the wordplay in this album; La means happiness but it also sounds like rock buts it's also la in the sense of lalala. I'm an absolute sucker for wordplay, and this made me feel so happy.

Another hype song, it embodies it's message so well; even though negative emotions exist, joy always comes out on top

I loved the pirate concept of the mv, but I would have absolutely lost my shit if the mv was an actual rock star concept. But pirate skz is also pretty cool

Blind Spot

Our genius Quokka did it again guys

But seriously, I'm absolutely in love with this song. It's my favourite, I'm absolutely addicted to it

This song is Mixtape 2/Behind the Light pt 2. I can't explain myself, it just is. (If you don't remember it, go listen to it!! fr one of the most underrated skz songs)

Bloody hell, I love "Shining, we are the champions,Trying to make a difference" It's truly so good

The opening instrumentals are NO JOKE, they're short but they are so vital to the song

I also love the imagery of a 'Blind Spot' in the song, like it's a part of them that we don't see. I really want to write an entire essay on this song. I might.

Comflex

WORDPLAY AGAIN, 3racha are fucking genius

It's exactly what it says on the label, a(nother) hype song, this one about embracing your flaws & insecurities and being proud of them

It's a self love song, in the most skz way possible. Reminds me of the meme of someone yelling 'HYDRATE OR DIEDRATE' while throwing water bottles at people

If Youtiful was skz telling us that they love us, Comflex is skz screaming at us to love ourselves

Flex your complexes guys!

Cover Me

When I first saw the credits for this song, I screamed a little. I've been waiting for a song written by Hyunjin since he talked about getting into songwriting in the 5-star intro. I was so disappointed when I saw that none of the 5-star songs had Hyunjin as a writer, because I was so sure that one would be there, and then I forgot all about it, so Cover Me hit me like a brick to the face

This song quite literally feels like a warm blanket covering you

Something I found really interesting; I'm usually pretty good at figuring out who is singing when, but damn did this song stump me. It's probably because it was a mainly vocal song, unlike most of skz's songs, but it's still interesting

In a similar vein, FELIX USED HIS MIDDLE REGISTER! Don't get me wrong, I love Felix's deep voice as much as the next simp, but I loved Deep end because it gave Felix a chance to explore range other than the deep voice he always gets handed in songs. I was praying for some songs to allow Felix to use his mid-upper range and I was hopeful when I saw the intro, and Cover Me delivered. I love Hyunjin so much for this

Leave

Skz's latest break up song! Reminds me of Ex

Being honest, I didn't find much special about this song, but it is genuinely a pretty good song

But, the angst is quite nice and it's an excellent song to sob to

Overall

Skz just outdoes themselves every time. I'd describe this album as very evenly split between Head-banging hype songs and ugly crying songs. If they'd have swapped Blind Spot and Comflex, the album would literally be 3 songs of pure hype followed by 3 songs that you're sobbing to. Skz continues to display their range by giving us whiplash with every album. I'm so, so in love with this comeback. The rock ver of lalalala was also a pure genius idea, it brings the album together so well, and it's just plain fun

Mitch Evans (Jaguar) - Unprofessional

Requested: by my friend who also writes on wattpad

Prompt: Mitch has been having some rough patches, but no matter how good he is, there is always one journalist that will have something to say about him.

Warnings: smut, cvnty mitch, 18+, rough

Mitch smiled as he walked into his garage. P2 after such a difficult race. He deserved it, every drop of champagne and every word of praise and glory. "I'd like to see people question my driving now." Mitch chuckled as he set his trophy to the side. The few engineers around him exchanged glances, making the kiwi that bit confused. "What is it? Did they give me a penalty?" He asked worried. "No, it's just-" The engineer paused. "Well, Y/n Y/l/n was live a few minutes ago and she said this is another example of how drivers that don't deserve a win, somehow always win." Mitch arched a brow and scoffed. "Oh please. If undeserving drivers always won, they would deserve it. No one is that lucky." He chuckled, acting as though the constant remarks didn't bother him. "Well yeah. As long as you don't look at twitter." Mitch looked between both of the engineers and took his phone out. "See, why would you say that? Now I'm obviously going to go-" He didn't even need to go into her profile to see it. It was everywhere

thejournalisty/n

Boring race, but such an incredible win from Vandoorne! Genuinely excited proud of him for keeping up his incredible run this whole weekend and Im looking forward to many more races like this!

fefan2023 What about Mitch Evans? He did pretty well too I thought??

thejournalisty/n He's an okay driver, I just didn't see anything worth noting as he was racing. Other than his incompetent driving style showing up from time to time.

His jaw clenched as he read the disheartening tweets. "She doesn't know what she's on about mate, she just-" Mitch slammed the trophy onto the table, creating a silence after. "It's every weekend though! I can't go into a race week without her blabbering on about some bullshit." Mitch said in an annoyed tone. "I'm going to sort it." Mitch put his phone back into his pocket and left the garage, some if his team following him to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.

On the other side of the paddock, up and coming motorsport journalist, Y/n Y/l/n stood with her microphone prepared to do her segment on the race. "Okay, recording in 5....4....3...2....1." Y/n smiled into the camera. "Hello guys, and welcome back to-"

"Y/n!" The journalist jumped upon hearing the loud shout of her name. She turned quickly, looking to see who it was, only to see Mitch Evans pacing towards her, his fists clenched. "Can we speak later? I'm filming a segment-"

"I don't give a continental fuck! I'm sick of this shit!" The corner of Y/n's lips curled into a grin. "Oh what? What exactly are you going to do in front of all these people?" She challenged. What the young reporter didn't expect was for the kiwi driver to grab her wrist and haul her away from the crowd around her and towards his driver room. "Let go of me! I'll call security!" She warned, earning a scoff from Mitch. "You think they're gonna kick a driver out of the paddock? I'd like to see that happen, darling." He grimaced before opening his door and leading her in. "Sit down." He said. "You think I'm going to-"

"I said sit!" Mitch repeated, much louder and more demanding. Y/n swallowed the lump in her throat and abides by his orders. Mitch walked around, shutting his blinds and locking his door so no one could tell him to calm down or stop shouting. "Okay, I'm sat. What's wrong with you now?" She asked, her arms crossed as she leaned back onto the white plastic walls behind the tiny stool. "Don't play fucking stupid, what the fuck are you doing?" Mitch shouted. "I was doing my job! I have to critique every driver!" Y/n replied. "It seems like you only ever do it to me though! Stoffel came P3 in the race today, and you insisted the car was the issue. Fucking Dan nearly crashed into me and it was my fault! Do you see how unfair this is?!" He asked. Y/n shook her head. "Oh my god! You're infuriating!" He shouts. "Can I just explained?" She asked, standing up finally. "No! You won't explain shit to me!" It became a roaring match, with everyone practically listening outside.

"You'll have to make me shut up!" Y/n shouted back. "You want me to make you shut up?" He repeated. Y/n chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, yeah. What the fuck are you gonna do?" He stood in front of her, jaw clenched, not knowing what he would possibly do. "That's what I thought." She scoffed and turned to open the door, only to be pulled back by Mitch, his lips instantly latching onto hers. She pulled away, matching his shocked face. "What was that?" She asked, breathless. "I- I'm not entirely sure." Mitch muttered. Y/n looked between hsi eyes and lips. "Do it again." She breathed. Without another thought, he gave in and leaned in yet again. This time however, there was a mutual desire for need and lust.

His hands roamed her body, gripping each part of her like this was the last chance he had. "Wanted to do this long?" Y/n mumbled into the kiss. "Not that I know." He replied, hating that he had to break contact to reply. He looked at her shirt in disgust. "What? You don't like my shirt?" She asked. "No, it'd just look better on the floor right now." He murmured. Y/n unbuttoned the shirt and threw it off in world record time. "Come on, yoh don't want to felt left out, do you?" Mitch chuckled and unzipped his overalls, tying them around his hips, then moving his attention to his fireproof shirt. He lifted it to reveal his toned upper body and tossed it to the side with no regard. Y/n gasped as Mitch pushed her back against the wall, the cold plastic giving her a shock. "Y/n?" He asked. "Yes?"

"Jump." He murmured into her ear. She gripped onto his shoulders and hopped up, her legs being caught by Mitch's arms, wrapping them around his waist. "In the driver room? Bit unprofessional, no?" She joked, moving her hair out of her face. "I think this whole thing is, but we can discuss that later." He whispered. A light laugh left her lips as Mitch buried his head into the crook of her neck, kissing and nipping as he did, leaving nothing but lilac bruises imprinted onto her. "Stop teasing and actually do something." She groaned, feeling the pool form in her panties. "Bit ironic, isn't it?" He chuckled. Y/n pushed him away from her for a moment. "How do you mean?" She asked, becoming annoyed. "I mean-" Mitch paused and pecked her lips. "It's ironic that the man you label as incompetent is about to fuck you in his driver room." Y/n's breath hitched as he moved from kissing her lips to now kissing her cleavage. "Just please, do something or-"

"Or what? Are you gonna write an article about this?" He mused, Y/n slowly growing impatient. Without much further notice, Mitch pushed her panties over to one side and thrusted into her, a string of curses leaving her lips. "Shut up, they might hear you." Mitch whisper-shouted, his hand clasping over her mouth. She pulled herself closer to Mitch's body, her hands now reaching down his back as Mitch began a pace. It began slow to see if anyone would notice or knock the door, but it slowly became quicker and more passionate. "Fuck, Mitch." She breathed, pressing soft kisses onto his neck. A groan left his lips at the euphoria of this. "Harder, please." She whispered. A grin appeared on Mitch's face. "Dirty bitch." He whispered right back. He picked up the pace and delved deeper into her with each thrust. Her nails were now digging into his tanned skin, decorating it with white lines. "Mitch- oh fuck!" She stopped herself from shrieking his name, loud enough for the whole paddock to hear.

He felt as her walls closed around him. He felt himself comingundone with her. His groans turned to moans and his thrusts became sloppy. His arms curled around her waist and torso, holding her close to his sweaty body. Her head fell back in ecstasy. "Look at me." Mitch demanded. It took every fibre of strength for Y/m to bring her head forward and look at him. His lips once again latched onto hers as the two of the finished, in eachothers arms. The pair sat, riding through their highs together before Mitch finally broke the silence. "That shut you up enough?" Mitch panted as Y/n gripped onto his broad shoulders. "I mean...I wasn't exactly quiet, was I?" Mitch shook his head and pecked her lips again. She could feel his smile against her lips. "Was this good enough for me to finally get into your good books?" He joked. Y/n laughed with him and nodded. "For this week. Next time, you'll need to up your game to stay in my good books." The kiwi chuckled and threw the journalist her shirt. "Hurry up before people think something actually happened. Y/n scoffed and threw her shirt on over her shoulders. "They won't think anything happened. Didn't even last six minutes." She replied. "Well next time, 8ll be sure to make it longer." He said. "We'll have to see next time then."

*time skip*

Mitch walked into the paddock of the day after smiling his usual smile. He waved at fans and people from the teams. "Mitch." Y/n said as he passed. "Y/n." He replied, smirking. "I was wondering if I could interview you later?" She asked. "How up, close and personal are we getting?" He chuckled. She slapped her cards off his arm. "Behave, Evans or I'll gladly interview someone else." He looked away shaking his head. "You're sick in the head for that." He replied, walking away. "You know I'm your favourite to interview." She rolled her eyes and turned back around to film as Mitch walked off behind her to his garage. "Hey guys. Ready for today?" Mitch asked. His two engineers looked at him, both impressed and confused. "What?" He asked. "How did you get Y/n to not be an asshole?" One of them asked. "Hey, hey, that's not very polite, is it?" He replied. "But what are you even on about?" His engineer handed him his phone, opened on her website. "Just read the last bit."

Now, although Vandoorne maintained his lead from the beginning if the race, I must give credits where credits are due; Mitch Evans once again proves his talent as we review his incredible drive from P11 at the start, and going on to come second in the race. I can only hope we see more from the kiwi in the upcoming races.

Mitch smiled. Finally, a nice comment about him. And all it took, was a little bit of unprofessionalism.

...Well...

Nimona made me cry. Real actual tears.

(Spoilers. Spoilers, and emotions.)

I don't know how much I have the heart, clarity, or energy to tell about Why.

But that line... Two lines in that scene, actually.

(I can't rewatch it to transcribe the precise words because yt has that artificial slowdown on Firefox, I'm trying to capture this emotion, not wait an eternity for yt to load. So, may be paraphrasing, unsure of Exact Words.)

So, that part about... "Little kids. They grow up thinking they can become a hero if they kill something different."

And... "I don't know what's scarier. The fact that they want to run a sword through my heart... or the fact that, sometimes, I want to let them."

It's both personal reasons and topical. I think the personal reasons made me sensitive to the topical.

I grew up bullied and ostracized because I was different. To this day, I'm not entirely sure Why. Logically, I know it's all power dynamics, them not understanding, not wanting to understand. For some reason, people fear what they don't know. They fear what they can't put in a box. They fear those who disagree, who don't WANT to be put in the box.

I've never understood it. Maybe that's why, a month away from turning 31, these things still bring me to tears.

Maybe I don't actually have that fear because it's like Hawthorne's Scarlet Letter, suffering made me human. Maybe I don't have that fear because there's something Weird in my brain chemistry, the same reason I'm not given to anxiety, the same reason I'm so eerily calm when the situation turns Genuinely Dire.

Maybe I just don't understand Them, either.

But what really breaks my heart, as an adult, is the fact that the elders TEACH this fear, this hatred, this ostracization. They teach children it's okay to be mean if you disagree. They teach children that The Others deserve to be hurt and broken and killed.

They teach children that what happened to Nex is okay.

This senseless fear and hatred hurts so many of us. Even if you weren't bullied as a kid, if your hair is too neon green, or if you wear pajama pants to Walmart, or if you love someone whose gender isn't perfectly heteronormative, they think you deserve to be executed.

For no other crime than being yourself.

I can bear my own suffering with grace and strength, but it SHATTERS me to see others so undeserving being criminalized and punished because people don't understand their choices, their actions, their way of love.

Transphobia. Homophobia. Skin color. Nationalism of all stripes. It's not just high school cliques, this stuff has real actual consequences that hurt real, living, breathing, dreaming people.

And then, when I realized, minutes before the reveal, that the little golden-haired girl in the flashback was probably Gloreth, I crumpled again. I desperately hoped I was wrong, but.... no.

It's not even the betrayal that hurt me. It was the reflection of all those children in the world who were told, "Yes, they deserve to be beaten because they're different."

We shouldn't be extinguishing compassion, and yet there are so many people in the world who will side with hatred and blind rage and fear and disgust and take the side of evil, because they understand fear. They don't understand gay love. And thus, gay love has to die.

Because they dared to be independent, to be unique, to be who they are: They all deserve to die alone.

So naturally, I broke again at the climax when he said, "I see you. And you are not alone."

That sentiment has never-- and probably WILL never-- be something I can submerge, make quiet, erase. How it saves lives. How it saved my life. How there are always people who are willing to see you, to be with you, to remind you that you are loved.

Even when everyone else in the world wants to sacrifice your life in the name of Their Ideals: You Are Loved.

That message is so goddamn fucking important.

And then... She was saved, and so she saved everyone else. That doesn't resonate with me emotionally, to the bullied little child deep in my core, but dear gods, does it speak to the power of compassion and what it can do to STAND UP AGAINST cruelty and bias!

So naturally, I cried again.

In closing, these quotes have better words than I right now:

"You think you're alone, Raven. But you're not." - Spellbound, a Teen Titans episode that made me cry twice for all the same reasons.

"Blind belief: are you afraid to see that our fathers were wrong?" - Evanescence. The song (Blind Belief) also calls to "Push through the pain, unbreak the system."

And as Delain wrote in a song called We Are the Others, inspired by the murder of a girl named Sophie whose death was caused by a beating inspired by her alternative fashion choices:

As simple as air in your lungs, as simple as words on your lips No one can take that away. No one should argue this! Now with our heads up high, we'll carry on, and carry out that we won't let them get us down, or wear us out, 'cuz we are not alone. We are the others, we are the cast-outs We're the outsiders, but you can't hide us! We are the others, black-eyed and battered You're not out there on your own! If you feel mistreated, torn and cheated: You are not alone! We are the others.

'have you considered that luke likes to lie' 'all men do is lie' okay maybe he's been a bit optimistic about the scheduling of 5sos6 and has since corrected himself but

before i go on i want to make sure i say it clearly: i'm not saying you did anything wrong by theorising this!! or saying it in (parital) jest! but there is something i really wanted to touch on with my neurodivergent activist hat bc i think we make some assumptions as a society that we really shouldn't.

as someone who gets time blindness especially around creative projects and can be on a roll where I work quickly then crash at an unexpected point and don't do anything for months, timelines for things getting done are often really loose and difficult to picture, and saying 'this year' in january is a very loose and flexible thing referring to a long amount of time, in which a number of things will get done but i can't specifically tell you what. just a list of things that I will attempt to do if i feel like them.

and I basically did want to say, if golden globes!luke was communicating from somewhere anywhere along those lines--it is demoralising to have everyone expect that you know exactly what will get done and when and be held to standards that are fuzzy at best and more optimitic guidelines than a commitment. it is discouraging to be accused of lying (and obv he's not on tumblr, but idk about twitter spaces i imagine people were saying the same and we know he is on there) when you're genuinely doing your best with these socially constructed milestones that don't make sense.

and i don't know for sure what goes on in his head!! none of us do. it'd be weird if we did. so maybe he is lying?? or maybe he's not. all i'm saying is when the whole world assumes one thing and it isn't true it's isolating and invalidating. so think. one tumblr post probably isn't going to do much. but if it's part of a larger culture where experiences that aren't your everyday neurotypical assumption are treated like they don't exist (until proven otherwise then it's 'omg i'm so sorry i didn't realise i didn't mean to!') then that is a problem. and we don't know for sure, but we do know luke has 1) written several songs about time passing by and feeling like he's not keeping up with it; 2) talked about the process of writing shakes in interviews recently, and given a different timeline every single time while also being super genuine and vulnerable in the interview; and 3) forgotten how old he is mid sentence in an interview one time. it's not a stretch for me to think 'maybe he's not lying and if everyone assumes he is it could be harmful'.

also adding on this I feel like we can kinda extrapolate this to the band as a whole?? being curious and nonjudgemental even though we are frustrated, because to most of us time is a constant thing we make plans to and we like to know when things are happening and get frustrated when we don't. but think about it. the whole 'soon' saga. ashton initially planning to release a single in march. they're creative, they work hard and fast when they're in the zone, and sometimes that comes with the cost of Simply Not Knowing When Something Will Happen. for me it's validating of my own experience. for many it's frustrating and that's understandable!! i do want to say again i really don't want to antagonise or criticise anyone for expressing that. but i also want us to start questioning, does time really get experienced the same for everyone? and the answer is no. and so we can't always just assume people can automatically translate to a language of scheduling that might feel foreign. and in the meantime we can enjoy listening to more songs about this very experience!

Rant / Info Post incoming...

I'm still angry, but I'm calmed down today at least, so...

Yesterday I was really angry and upset because a number of people felt the need to take it upon themselves to educate me about what's "wrong" with Caroline, simply because I mentioned one time that she has albinism. First of all, I am blind, not stupid. I've done my research. Also, as a member of the low vision community, I have personally known a lot of unrelated people who have albinism, including my boss at a former job, and my friend who I was in a band with in the 90s. If you are not blind, and ESPECIALLY if you do not have albinism yourself or don't at least personally know someone who has it, maybe do a bit of fact-checking before you come for me, yeah?

Honestly, I was literally so upset and angry that I'd nearly decided to scrap the entire story idea I had. I just could not envision myself having the mental stamina to deal with all the ignorance and the ableist bullshit, particularly because I've already been cyber-bullied and attacked online in the past due to speaking out and advocating about disability in general and blindness in particular. But, you know what? If you want to persist in your ignorance and tell me I'm wrong about something you actually know nothing about, then go for it. I know what the block button is for. I blocked people yesterday, and I deleted anon messages, and can do it again.

If you're genuinely curious about something you don't know about, ask. I can't speak for everyone, but I'm more than happy to answer questions about blindness or about anything else I have lived experience with. I'd rather have an honest conversation with somebody who wants to learn than to engage in a pointless argument with somebody who's convinced they're right based solely on their own assumptions and isn't willing to accept even the possibility that they aren't (hence the blocking).

Additionally, I should not have to "content warn" about posts that have depictions of disabled people simply existing. If you feel upset by seeing disabled people or hearing mentions of disability, then please ask yourself why that is. Asking for content warnings for posts that just have disabled people living their normal lives is offensive, and I hope you wouldn't ask people from other equity-seeking groups to content warn you just because a member of that group is depicted in a post doing something totally ordinary.

Representation is important, and sighted people have portrayed us with their weird and harmful stereotypes for way too long. I've also seen loads of hurtful stuff about people with albinism from people who don't have it. Although I also do not have albinism, I've done my research in addition to knowing and interacting with people with the condition in real life. The only people with any right to challenge and educate me on albinism are people actually living with it; only them (or their guardians/parents), and not some random white knights or even their friends, because the only true expert is the person with the lived experience. I'm open to learning and happy to expand my understanding about a lot of things, but I prefer to learn from people who know what they're talking about through personal experience and knowledge, and who aren't disseminating misinformation based on prejudice and stereotypes.

I won't lie... telling a story about a blind child isn't going to be easy for me, because I was also a blind child once. Because people (and particularly children) can be horrible creatures, my childhood was a living nightmare at times. I'm a survivor of childhood psychological and physical violence at the hands of my peers as well as the people who were meant to be protecting me, and that sort of trauma stays with a person. Plus, it's really hard to navigate a world that was not made for you, especially when you're a child and don't yet fully realize that the world was not made for you, and why that is, and what the implications of it are.

For a lot of reasons, this story (or the idea of it, at the very least) is important because I'd get to share something real through the relatively safe medium of a fictional character, and maybe with Caroline I'll get to right some of the wrongs that were done to me in real life. And just maybe somebody else will learn something.

But in the meantime, although it is 100% not my job to educate you, here you go:

Resource 1 - Resource 2 - Resource 3 - Resource 4 - Resource 5 - Resource 6

The correct term for people with albinism is "people with albinism". The term "albino" is controversial, and although there are some people with albinism who have reclaimed this word for themselves and use it in a self-empowering way (similarly to people in the LGBT+ community reclaiming "queer"), there are others who find it offensive, particularly when used by people who do not have albinism.

Albinism occurs in all ethnic and racial groups throughout the world (so yes... there are Japanese people with albinism too)

People with albinism do not have pink/red eyes. The majority of people with albinism have blue eyes, although they can have hazel or brown eyes in some cases (depending on the type of albinism). Some blue-eyed people with albinism may appear to have pinkish or violet eyes in certain lighting conditions, due to the fact that the lack of pigment can make blood vessels much more visible.

Many people with albinism also have low vision that usually can't be fully corrected. Level of vision varies, depending on the type of albinism.

People with albinism can go outside in the sun, but because of the lack of pigment in the skin and eyes, they need to wear sun protection like sunscreen, hats, sunglasses and UV-protective clothing

People with albinism are not sterile (unless they have a co-existing medical condition that causes sterility). They can produce children. Their children may or may not also have albinism, depending on the genetics of themselves and their partner.

------

Canadian National Institute for the Blind - What Is Blindness?

Canadian National Institute for the Blind - Blindness Myths & Facts

Canadian Organization for the Blind & Deafblind - True or False?

Royal National Institute for the Blind - Eye Conditions

More Blindness Myths & Facts

Reminders (Part 2) [Zed x Reader]

Requested by Anonymous 🦀

The way you found a family within Libra was rather interesting. Even though you barely did anything to get here, at least you didn't know for sure. You could have caused your own amnesia and not know it...

But while you turned that over, you were hoping that it wasn't true either. You genuinely liked who you were, the members of Libra had kinda of welcomed you with half-open arms. It would be a peaceful life like this, just getting on your feet and being close with everyone from afar.

However, you were up too late when you overheard Steven and Klaus in the breakroom. They had to take a break from whatever case they were working, but...

"They seem very similar," Steven sighed, "I just... I can't put my finger on where I've seen them. Or maybe it's their name that rings a bell."

Hiding by the door so you wouldn't be seen, "I have asked Lieutenant Law to run a few background tests on their name."

"What did he have to say? Or has he gotten back to you yet?"

"Apparently they're supposed to have been dead for some time now..." Klaus sighed, "It makes no sense, unless that wallet wasn't theirs...?"

The groan that you heard from Steven made your stomach churn. This was exactly what you feared, especially when you couldn't figure out much alone. So until you could, you were doomed until something came to light.

"Is it possible they're just a twin?" There was a sliver of hopeful doubt behind Steven's usual cynical voice, "Or they just happen to look like the person on the I.D."

"Or they're a k-"

You couldn't hear what Klaus was saying over your own frantic heartbeat as someone tapped on your shoulder. Zed was also up a little too late and had caught you eavesdropping, caught red-handed... in 4K no less.

And not being able to read his expression in such low lights had you even more anxious. Until he jerked his thumb over his shoulder, indicating you should follow him. That didn't stop you from slinking away like a child, feeling as if you were in so much trouble for lying about breaking a vase or something.

However, he stopped in another break room, one with plush chairs and a single couch; looking almost like a little therapy area instead of an office space or break room. It took all your strength to look up at his eyes, voice caught in your throat as English seemed to be failing you.

How were you supposed to defend your actions when even you thought they were wrong?

"Klaus and Steven have their reasons, you know that right?"

That snapped you right out of your own head, "What?"

"They don't want you to worry about your identity as much." Zed settled into one of the chairs, "At least Klaus is more focused on the fact that you seem to be honest about everything so far. And Steven rarely argues unless he has a good reason for it. But with this..."

You looked away, unsure what to think anymore. Clearly Zed wasn't telling you off for listening in to the conversation, and he wasn't the type to hold things over people's heads. So what was he trying to say, really?

"Most of what they were saying is standard protocol for amnesia cases." Zed continued, "We've dealt with it a fair few times. But all they're trying to do is figure out who you really are. Make sure that you don't end up attacked or otherwise targeted for something you don't know about right now."

"All I know is I'm useless..." The defeated tone in your voice sank in deeper than you in the other chair, "All I can remember clearly is that blinding light. But... Why aren't you more upset about... earlier?"

Zed tilted his head, "It's the first time you ever tried sneaking around. And based on the way you were against the wall suggested that you were just restless and stumbled on a conversation. In all honesty, I had been awake this whole time too."

There was a pause. "Not that I was following you or anything! I mean, I was... a little. But I meant to ask if you wanted to talk and maybe that would help both of us sleep."

Your mind went a mile a minute as you processed what Zed was saying. You hadn't even been aware that he was up, let alone following you through the office. Maybe it was a lack of sleep, but the whole thing seemed a little romantic to you. That probably was just lack of sleep... except how Zed mentioned his intentions...

"What I mean is..." Zed was still floundering trying to explain himself and apologize. "I didn't think anything about you eavesdropping because the conversation was about you, but I was following you around for maybe half the hallway because I heard you up and about. Since I couldn't sleep, I thought maybe..."

Reaching out to Zed's arm, he fell silent instantly, "I understand. I... well, given the circumstances, I figured you would mention this to Klaus and Steven. Since I shouldn't really be trusted... I mean, I can't even help with too much around the office because of that. And without my memories... I might as well be a bookend. Ya know?"

"Honestly, no. You've been doing your best to remember and no one here wants you to try too hard since that can cause irreversible brain damage. We... well, most of us... have grown rather fond of you [Name]."

You couldn't stop the color rising in your cheeks, or the sentimental fish-man from continuing.

"You've been as helpful as you could be. Compliant... respectful..." His eyes trailed off to the side, "That's helpful enough. You don't have to do a million and one things just to be useful. Sometimes... sometimes all it takes is being a decent friend."

It was all you could do to keep from hugging Zed then and there. You weren't entirely used to this soft and sweet side, which meant you didn't know how to fully respond. Outside of a muttered thanks while you tried to hide your flushed face. Unaware of how flustered Zed was, how dangerously close he got to confessing how he really felt about you.

But he didn't want to rush things either.

[● I've said it once and I'll say it again. STOP PLAYING THE TRANSPHOBIC ANTISEMITIC WIZARD GAME AND PLAY MY FAVORITE VIDEO GAMES DO IT DO IT DO IT this is because I'm biased and I do not care what the differences between them are I'm literally just here to shit on Joanne, her fans, and their disgusting views, and promote games that I personally like for video game reasons.

Portal 2 is great and people with common sense know this but it's fun gameplay wise and the environments and story are fuckin amazing. For a game from 2011, the graphics look beautiful, better than some recent games I've seen. The soundtrack is also wonderful and I am in love with "Want you gone". The storyline, while told throughout several different games (including those in the Half Life storyline but Half Life is also really good but don't take my word for it because I've never played Half Life before I am indeed a fake fucking fan) is intriguing and the characters are great. The mechanics are really neat and they let you experiment a little with how you play and it makes you use your brain and really think about how you'll utilize two portals to get you around places. You know a game is good when it really challenges your intellect, and you may get stuck sometimes, but with enough thought and dedication, you'll pull through. Also the voicelines and humor is amazing, I still find myself thinking about lines from even the turrets! Also the final boss is really good and the reveal is excellently portrayed. It genuinely sent shivers down my spine. I think this is one of those games where you should avoid spoilers as much as possible and just experience it for yourself.

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance is more than just funny meme game. It's got good graphics, a beautiful story, an even better soundtrack, and fun mechanics. I got an achievement for being a huge fucking dumbass and not utilizing the mechanics until my second playthrough. I went through the broken elevator level and had no idea I could use enhanced AI to get through that and went in completely blind. I didn't know that was impressive I just thought that's how the game was. I love how the soundtrack is used to tell the stories of the antagonists and help you understand them a bit more. They're cruel, ruthless, and unjust (except for Blade Wolf, he can do no wrong), but they have reasons for what they do and the music tells you this while also being A FUCKING BANGER. THE INSTRUMENTALS GO SO HARD OH MY GOD. Also they give you the ability to cut anything and everything you want (except for the cat who does backflips and avoids getting hurt) and it is so much fun. Of course the game isn't perfect and has flaws, but it's not antisemitic or transphobic. Overall a masterpiece and the ended did make me feel things. Also play the DLCs, they're really fun and flesh out two major characters and also let you do more cool shit that you can't do as Raiden.

Sonic Adventure 2 is probably my favorite game of all time currently despite how ancient it is and the flaws it has. I. Don't. Care. What's wrong with the game. I adore it. You bet your ass I'm explaining why. The graphics hold up surprisingly well even today despite the low poly count (it's higher than Metal Gear Solid 1 and Resident Evil 1 don't worry) and the character animation isn't bad by any means. The environments for each level are beautiful despite how they vary. Radical Highway is my favorite level in the entire game and it's so much fun for no reason whatsoever. Like they put their whole developussy into this one stage and I dig it. I also really like a lot of the Knuckles/Rouge stage designs, Pumpkin Hill looks very spooky (but my worst fear is falling off the hills AAH). I also like the soundtrack, it differs depending on which character it's focused on. Knuckles has more of that lofi rap thing going on, Rouge has some nice jazz going on, Shadow has that alternative "I'm cool shit" rock going on, meanwhile Sonic sounds like that type of rock where a middle schooler finishes school and now it's summertime, I don't know how to portray it in words. I also like the Chao Garden, I love all 4 of my children they are beautiful and I love them. I also like the replayability value because you may go back to certain stages not only because they're fun, but to be able to collect animals and toys for your Chao to play with. Not to mention the activities the Chao can engage in, such as karate and racing. They also let me into hot topic I am very happy. The most I'll knock it for is the security hall voice acting, it's not awful but it's not perfect. Rouge specifically, her screams don't sound realistic at all, but I can't be too harsh because it's not like I can do better.

I guess Scott Pilgrim vs The World doesn't suck either but I'm not gonna go too far in depth with it because y'know, that's really biased and there are problems I have with it but if you like Scott Pilgrim, check it out, it's actually pretty fun tbh.

This has been Shrimp is a biased motherfucker who hates JK Rowling and Harry Potter as a whole for deep rooted personal reasons aside from the horrible shit within the book, and can't shut up about things they like and they are horrible at masking! Thanks for tuning in, if you also like these games, you are very cool. In short, play my games, boy! Don't play the bigoted wizard game. I must go, now.]

Maybe I'm just incredibly stupid, but I very genuinely don't understand how I'm supposed to know I'm doing things wrong when people don't tell me. I don't understand how I'm supposed to know I'm hurting people when I'm not told. People seem to expect me to just Know I've been doing things very wrong for extended amounts of time without being explicitly told and I'm genuinely so lost.

I get told "hey, when you do this thing, it upsets me" and I LOVE it when people do that. Because I'll stop doing it! Or at least try to.

But then people don't tell me there's things wrong and then they're upset with me and they're hurt and I'm so confused. I don't mean to hurt people. I don't want to hurt people.

Like I told someone I care about very much and was extremely close with the other day that I appreciated that they told me when I did things wrong so I could stop doing it because I thought they were good at communicating that. But then today they just told me that I've been "continuing to hurt them" and cut off literally all contact with me, not even allowing me to ask what they were talking about.

And it hurts so much because I genuinely have no idea what I did to hurt them. At all. Not a clue. And I feel so guilty and sad that I hurt them at all because I very actively was trying not to by avoiding doing the things they told me not to do and respecting their boundaries and doing what I could to not hurt them.

I genuinely am left alone and confused and I hate that I now don't know if whatever I did to hurt them is hurting other people too. I genuinely have no clue if I'm hurting other people without knowing it because I don't understand what I was doing wrong in the first place.

And this sort of thing has happened multiple times. People just cut me off, tell me to never speak to them again and forbid me from asking why, and then it repeats. Or if they do tell me what I did wrong, it's not until after they don't want to be in my life anymore, long after I can do anything to improve or change my behavior in any way.

I don't understand how I'm supposed to improve if no one tells me what I've done wrong? I feel like I'm missing something. I'm missing something huge here. But I've no idea what it is. Am I blind to the suffering of others? Am I stupid for genuinely believing things are fine until I'm explicitly told otherwise?

I just want to stop hurting people I care about. And selfishly, I want to stop losing people I care about too.

I'd really appreciate advice here. Because I'm confused and upset and have very little grasp on what I'm misunderstanding.

More notes: None of the people who have cut me off without explaining why like this have been neurotypical, nor am I. So it isn't an example of neurodivergant vs neurotypical communication as far as I'm aware. And all of these people are amazing, good, kind people who do have other friends who love them. They're not bad people at all. I'm the one who struggles to make friends. Also, I struggle with severe mental illness(es) and tend to talk about it frequently, but I try to make it very clear that I expect no one to fix me or even help me if they can't/don't want to/aren't feeling up to it. I ask repeatedly for people to tell me if they need a break or need to set boundaries.

Other other notes: I did have a therapist (and have had many over the course of my life) but I currently don't because I'm being transferred to a new one, but it's taking longer than expected. And when I talked about similar issues with my last therapist, she didn't seem to have many answers.

You can also reblog this if you want to, I guess? If more people seeing this and offering advice would help. I'm genuinely at a loss and want to understand what's going wrong here

6, 10, and 21 for the OTP asks

I'm gonna go ahead and assume CorNyx, because it's you XD

6. Who would beg the other not to leave? Who has to leave to protect the other?

Okay absolute 50/50 split, but the begging is going to look different.

If Nyx was hurt: Nyx would try to convince him not to go, that everything is fine and it wasn't at all related to him. I'm picturing him in the Citadel ICU, absolutely beat-to-shit-and-back. Like should not even be awake levels of not okay. Cor is livid. He's a fuming ball of barely contained rage as he sits by Nyx's bedside and slowly pries enough information out of him to know who he needed to go end.

It's not until Nyx is too tired and loopy on painkillers that it comes out that Nyx was hurt BECAUSE of Cor. Naturally, because it's Cor, he's missing when Nyx wakes up. Which means Nyx is going to have to go hunt down his idiot, injured or not.

If Cor was hurt: It would be Clarus or Regis or even the person who hurt Cor who would tell Nyx it was his fault. Cor wouldn't let it slip, not for anything. But Nyx would take it way too close to home, given everything that happened with his mother and Selena. Cor would notice the second something was wrong (maybe Regis being too awkwardly soothing, or Clarus looking like a dog who shit the bed) and then the hunt would be on.

Either way, my consensus is that both these men are the type to hunt down their dumbass, no matter the cost. Because they're morons.

10. Describe their first date.

In a word: awkward. So gods damned awkward. Two fully grown men without a single bit of dating experience between them, what an utter fucking mess.

Cor definitely has never been on a date in his life. He's a man who is so damn blind to his own feelings that he cannot even comprehend that other people want to date him.

Nyx was always the type to just skip ahead to the sex and call it a night. Genuinely rocking the too-tortured-to-love vibe like an angsty fucking teenager. In reality, he's just too scared to put himself out there like that.

Realistically speaking, neither of them realized they went on their first date until after it happened. They went out, together, to do something mild. Maybe Nyx convinced Cor to go to a bar ("A real bar, Cor. Not whatever prissy shit those bastards dragged you to. A genuine, gross and sticky dive-bar. We'll get smashed, it'll be great.") and about half-way through Nyx utterly destroying him at darts (since they both can't play pool without breaking something) one of them has the dawning realization that this is may be a date. Then dismisses that thought. They tumble home together. It's only once daylight sneaks in to attack their hungover eyes that either of them realize... oh. Huh. First date.

Unrealistically speaking: I am still writing "The Leonis' Go to The Zoo"

21. Who would get into a fight to defend the other's honor? Who tends to the other's wounds?

You would think it would be Cor. You would be wrong.

Cor would be held back by years of "You're going to make it worse, hold your tongue" being beat into him by Weskham. He'd find other ways to make life hell for the moron who dared insult HIS Nyx.

Nyx, however? Nyx is young and filled with the unshakable pride of a Galahdan. That man would see someone dare disrespect Cor the Immortal, the man of his heart, and see red. There would be threats and growling and frankly feral levels of hyper-masculine posturing the likes of which no well-bred Lucian (or anyone else, for that matter) will be able to comprehend. And if it did devolve into a physical fight? No holds-barred. Nyx would have to be pried from their bloodied body before he left a corpse in his wake.

And poor Cor would be stuck bandaging his dumb-ass while reprimanding him for almost causing a diplomatic catastrophe... while also subtly praising him for at least waiting for the other opponent to agree to a 'duel' so they could abuse the old Lucian law to keep Nyx out of jail. And maybe, just a little, Cor would have a new appreciation for that rumbling sound Nyx sometimes made when he was annoyed.

Ahh, these were so fun to write! Thanks for sending in the ask <3