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broadwayandnetflix · 3 years

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Overprotective, Much? - Bill Hader x Reader

Theme: Fluff + Angst

Warnings: Sexual Terms, Language

Summary: You and Bill have been secretly dating for two years now, only to complicate things one night when you partake in a very risque sketch unbeknownst to him?

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: Ahhh Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays! This was a request sent in by @berkmansbabe I really hope you enjoy it! And it somehow fits what you were asking for! Have a good rest of your year everyone, hopefully 2021 is better?

It was nearly four in the morning the last time that you checked, and you were almost half asleep over your laptop. Squinting one eye open, you gazed around the room to find a selection of your coworkers staring at you with little smirks.

"You're drooling, Y/N," one voice calls out; it had to be Mulaney's.

"Okay, you didn't have to tell her that!" another one chimes out, Jost?

Furiously you wipe the drool that was currently dangling from your chin and give the two the meanest glare that you could possibly muster.

At four in the morning, Tuesday's were the worst. Okay, well, technically, it's Wednesday now.

Mulaney only smirked before sliding a post-it note your way. You grimace, reading the details of the message scrawled out in what appeared to be Jost's messy script.

P. G. A. D, weekend update, orgasms onstage.

You practically gape at the note in awe; you were a writer, weren't you the one who was supposed to write this shit? Not perform it.

"Um, I'm not complaining, but isn't this more up Kristen's alley?" you protest, trying not to sound whiny.

"She's on vacation this week, and honestly we think you'd be perfect for it." Jost says matter of factly, giving you a small smile.

"Fine," you sigh before flopping back onto the table to get some more sleep. Earning another chuckle from the boys.

It ate at you all week, but I mean, you had the potential. If anyone would understand your feelings, it'd be Hader. His anxiety always got the best of him, and it hurt you to still see the man so stressed and uncomfortable.

Often, you'd be the one to find him after a sketch, rubbing soothing circles into his back. While he stares off rigidly into the curtain, he was fantastic at his job; it just didn't sit well with his anxiety. Although you knew it followed him home, into the late hours of the night, disappointment settling in.

It wasn't public, but the two of you had managed to make things work for the past two years. You had met Bill back when he had first arrived at 30 Rock, as you had gotten hired the same year Mulaney did.

Seth, who was practically your best friend at this point, could tell within an instant that you harbored a small crush for Hader. Often picking at you with little side comments that'd make you stammer and feel your body heat up in embarrassment.

For some time, you didn't even realize that Bill had reciprocated your feelings until he asked you on a date. The two of you curled up back at his place while he showed you some of his favorite movies, it was nice, and the rest was history.

The only problem was, it was safer not letting the rest of the group know about this advancement. God knows what they would do to Bill onstage with sketches...you didn't wanna know.

Alongside the fact that the two of you had quite a bit of an age gap, it wasn't that big, but you knew that Bill often internalized the seven-year gap between the two of you. You were only twenty when you had started at 30 Rock while Bill was twenty-seven. You loved him nonetheless, but you could tell it made him stress a little.

So you both kept it a secret, although you were pretty sure that Meyers and Mulaney knew at this point. While Jost continued to remain oblivious towards your little endeavor.

For this sketch in particular, maybe it was best to keep this one secret as well. Rarely did you ever perform on the show, and you wanted Bill to be proud.

Seth, who had been motivating you all week, motioned you into his office early Thursday morning.

"Okay, just spoke to Lorne about this, we're gonna fit you into one more sketch due to Kristen's absence." you nod apprehensively.

"It's the easiest thing ever, all you have to do is sit there with Franco, and Hader, and read the cue cards about environmental issues. Keenan will cut you off, and you should be good." Seth explains before giving you a quick thumbs-up, causing you to smile slightly.

"God I am so nervous, is that normal?" you admit as Seth sits back into his seat.

"Oh my god yeah, it is not always easy going up onstage like that, but trust me you have the talent and potential. Lorne hired you for a reason, I'm sure if you brought this up to Bill he could give you a few tips on how to release stress." Seth replied as he gave you a warm smile.

You nodded, thanked him for the advice, and began heading back towards the writer's room to help the rest cut the left-over sketches that you all had mulled over during that week. Only to run straight into someone, their hands instantly going out to hold your shoulders steady.

"Oh I'm so sorry I didn't even see where I was going!" you yelp, only to look up and see Bill trying to hold in a laugh. Only causing you to laugh slightly as well at the situation the two of you were in.

"You okay?" he asks sweetly after taking in your somewhat frazzled state; without a second thought, you shook your head and went into his arms.

"I'm just stressed," you murmured into his chest as he quickly reciprocated the hug and wrapped his arms tightly around your waist.

"About what?" he replied softly, his hold growing just a little bit stronger, that is until the two of you heard nearby footsteps and quickly broke away.

A random production assistant walks past while you and Bill clear your throats awkwardly.

"Uhm, I am actually going on a sketch this week, you're gonna be in the same one actually. It's with Keenan, I just barely ever go on, since I am a writer, you know?" you exhale softly, only to look back up to Bill. Who is nodding furiously in agreement.

"Oh my god, I mean, you know me," he stops to chuckle, "Y/N, I am a literal mess, I mean don't act like I am totally oblivious to you and John changing the cue cards before Stefon sketches." Bill exclaims as you find yourself beginning to smile.

"I mean, it's really cute seeing you break babe," he fake gasps. "I mean you just make it look so easy sometimes even when I know you're stressing out." Bill sighs slightly before meeting your gaze.

"It's not easy, it never is. It's just you learn how to cope over time, if you want I'll meet you at the end of the sketch. Does that sound okay? Just like you always do for me, which I can never thank you enough for." he says, grinning as you slowly nod in agreement.

Giving you a quick peck on the forehead, he explains he has to go back to his costume fittings and that he'll see you later in the night.

He always knew how to help.

You watched anxiously while Seth said the cue that would lead you on stage. Letting yourself take a deep breath, you allowed yourself to block out the situation's overwhelmingness.

Also, was it always this hot up here?

With the cue cards coming into focus, you delved into the script, finding yourself ease into it over time. It was comforting to hear the audience laugh at your delivery, often seeing Seth trying to hold back a grin.

Especially upon the time, you began to describe what made your character Tamara Parks go into orgasms from her specific condition, of Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder.

"With the help of my physician I was able to find treatment, and today I can say that I am fully-" you let out a moan, trying not to break as you look down. Only to continue on the moaning and the appearance of discomfort as the script goes on. Seth progressively tries not to laugh as well.

It almost was shocking that you were pretending to be aroused on live national television. Still, clearly, you were doing something right given the reactions that had been intended.

You began to find yourself grateful for the ability to look down and away from the audience to compose yourself against the fake orgasms you were portraying. Seth's hand leaning to rest upon your shoulder, setting your character's orgasms off even more until the sketch was nearing its finish. The crowd applauded as Seth called you offstage.

You had let out a breath that you didn't even know that you had been holding the minute you had left the stage. Clearly, you had done the job just as Meyers and Mulaney had anticipated, the crowd going wild, it felt nice, but you also felt like you needed a nap. Many of your coworkers had come up to congratulate you, but all you wanted was just to see Bill.

Except, Bill and Fred were going up to another sketch for Weekend Update, you had asked a production assistant for some water as you took a seat in a nearby corner. It wasn't long before you had spotted Mulaney from out of the corner of your eye, within seconds; his eyes met yours, and he rather awkwardly stumbled over.

You had to stifle your laughter at how ridiculous he appeared in that moment, his rather tall figure colliding with the floor as he slid down beside you.

"You did fantastic out there! See, I knew you could do it!" he whispered enthusiastically while nudging you playfully in the side.

The two of you commented on the show's progress and or which sketch that you had written was your favorite. Until your stage manager had motioned for you to go on for your second sketch of the night. John gave you a reassuring smile before giving you a little push off into the side wing you were supposed to enter on.

The sketch was going well, that is until you felt an intense stare out of your peripheral vision coming from Bill, who was sitting beside you. Instead, it felt more dominant and tense than comfortable and safe as his thigh began to press up against yours. You gulped slightly before Keenan made his way over to you, feeling Bill's thigh against yours, almost making you lose control.

The skit's premise was that Keenan's character would never let the guests speak, which was probably a good thing as soon as the cameras went off of you; you had to stifle a moan of your own, a real one.

You were flustered beyond belief, and you couldn't tell why for the life of you that Bill was screwing with you on live television, but he was, and it was working. Of course, you appreciated the man's dominance but now was clearly not the time, except all you could feel was the heat pooling at the pit of your stomach.

While you were slightly annoyed with him, something about that leather jacket he was wearing was really turning you on. Or the way he did all of this was genuine ease like he wasn't putting you in complete arousal right now was so intimidatingly hot.

The crowd's cheering almost caught you off-guard as you realized the sketch was over, and Bill and Franco were getting up to leave the stage. You almost had to steady yourself as your legs felt wobbly and out of place, but you managed to maneuver yourself off the stage with as much grace as you could possibly muster.

It didn't take long for you to feel Bill's hand slip under yours and tug you along to a back room, his taller figure looming over yours with a side of him that you had never seen before. His lips practically hovering over yours as you inhaled deeply and ultimately tried to compose yourself only to stammer your words a little bit.

"Um, heh, what did you do that for?" you murmured quietly so that only he could hear you.

"You really think I would let you get away so quickly with that sketch, I simply had to remind you that you're mine babe, mine." he growled as he leaned down close to your height, whispering the words in your ear.

Your breath hitching at the contact, goosebumps spreading directly across your skin, and your heart skipping a beat. Except, you were in public, for crying out loud; why couldn't he have waited to save this for the bedroom later tonight?

"I-um, Bill did you forget that this is sorta a live show?" you retort back, stepping away from his slight hold. It finally hits you all at once, "Wait, Bill, are you jealous of my sketch with Seth?" you quickly ask, his eyes widening before quickly denying it.

"What? No of course not since when do I get jealous Y/N?" he says defensively, only to see you start to form a small grin.

"Oh my god you totally are!" you practically yelp, his eyes staring daggers at you.

"Hader, quick change happening for Daveheart in four minutes!" Bobby calls as he walks past the two of you unbeknownst to the little debacle going on.

Bill's eyes darting between yours and the dressing room, you sigh and motion for him to go-on for how you would somehow resolve this later. After the door closes behind him, you allow yourself to slide down against the wall once again, trying to compose yourself after everything that had just happened.

It doesn't take long for him to find you, this time in a Scottish get-up, you were assuming, and still painfully as ever, you still couldn't help but think that he looked hot, even with his long brown wig.

He sits down beside you, looking at you with a hesitant look in his eyes.

"Okay, so maybe I am jealous okay?" he admits quietly, completely catching you off guard. "It's just sometimes I wish we didn't have to have this weird age gap, or have to worry about judgement from others or the press. I guess, just seeing you like that today, it just really made me jealous. Proud of course, I mean babe you killed it out there, I didn't even notice that you were anxious. It's just hearing you moan like that, god that was so hot, the things you do to me." he says, no longer making eye contact as he goes into his little tangent.

God, you loved him.

You sigh before wrapping your hands around his, before slowly pushing forward to envelop him in a kiss. He hesitates for a split second before going in at once, his hands reaching up to cup your face deepening the kiss.

It was like a breath of fresh air whenever the two of you had kissed, whether in the late nights after shows and you can see the sunrise. Or in walks home from work, fingers entwined, and quick glances before sneaking a quick kiss, or even just whenever Bill can spare one.

The two of you pull away, only to catch your breath for a second. Bill's wig now tousled, and his eyes staring at you with admiration that you couldn't help but melt under.

"You know Bill, I wouldn't change a thing about us. I love you just the way that you are." you say softly, sneaking in a little kiss before pulling away to finish your statement, a small pout grazing his lips.

"Just maybe not during a live sketch, please?" you giggle softly, his eyes never leaving yours.

"Hey, Y/N, I just wanted to say that you killed it out there-woah, what's going on here?" Seth calls out, startling the two of you; you moving to jump away before Bill quickly stops you.

"We're dating!" you blurt out randomly, "we have been for the past two years, and its time that we probably tell others about it."

You clamp your mouth shut, ignoring Bill's jaw-dropping, and focusing on Seth entirely.

"Oh my god I knew it! Mulaney get your ass over here, we've been right this entire time! Hader and Y/L/N have been boning for two years." Seth yells over to John, who was busy cleaning up the cue cards as the show was coming to an end for the night.

You practically groan, digging your head into Hader's chest in pure embarrassment as Mulaney comes bounding over to cheerfully laugh at your combined misery.

"And to think that Jost said that we were lying about the two of them, guys come on we're gonna go tell Colin!" Seth exclaims, beckoning for the two of you to follow to the writer's room down the hall.

"Might as well join them," Bill whines as he pulls you off the ground and drags you along after them.

#@broadwayandnetflix #bill hader imagine #bill hader x reader #bill hader x you #bill hader #fluff #angst #snl #saturday night live #john mulaney #seth meyers #2020 #request

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twh-news · 3 years

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Interview: Makeup Artist Douglas Noe on Loki’s Looks Through the Years & Creating Anew for ‘Loki’ [EXCLUSIVE]

Douglas Noe has been in Hollywood for three decades. An award-winning makeup artist, he’s worked on projects such as World War Z, Planet of the Apes, Spider-Man 3, I Saw the Light, and Birth of a Nation. On top of these impressive credits, he’s also been Tom Hiddleston’s personal makeup artist since joining the MCU in The Avengers, designing all of the looks for Loki’s subsequent appearances.

Noe has been nominated for three Emmys with one win, and five Makeup Artist and Hairstylist (MUAHS) Awards resulting in two MUAHS awards. His skills include creating making natural and period looks, prosthetics, hair, and tattoos.

Along with being the head of the makeup department for the most recent Disney+ series Loki, Noe is also creating looks for the new Netflix comedy series True Story starring Kevin Hart and Wesley Snipes.

We had a chance to chat with Douglas Noe about his work on Loki, The Avengers, the incomparable value of teamwork on set, and most importantly, Richard E. Grant.

Nerds and Beyond: So you started your Marvel journey with The Avengers, but what drew you to your field in the first place? And how did you get your start?

Douglas Noe: Star Wars was a huge influence to me as a young boy, both sketching and drawing, and a little bit of sculpting but not much. Cut to 1983, Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” comes out and I find a magazine called Fangoria on the newsstands where I can order blood and wax and pencils and fake hair. So, I started playing with these things. I was also taken with the horror movie craze that was happening in the early 80s — Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th, and others, obviously.

In High School, in 1984, I joined choir thinking I would get an easy credit, but my voice had not changed. So the choral instructor had been waiting for a boy soprano to do a theatrical opera presentation. So with that I sang the lead, I quit choir after that, because my peers were merciless, but, I learned the world of theatrical makeup which I hadn’t been introduced to.

I did years of theater. I went to a performing arts high school — it’s called Fort Hayes School for the Performing Arts in Columbus, Ohio — graduated, went to beauty school, and continued working in Ohio doing industrial, commercial, theater, and opera [makeup]. Worked for Maybelline and Revlon, got restless, worked in Cincinnati on my first film in the summer of 1990, it was July so 31 years ago, A Rage in Harlem. And my boss said you come to Los Angeles, I’ll make sure you get on your feet.

Nerds and Beyond: So you mentioned that it’s been about 31 years since your career started, what’s changed over the course of those 30 years in your field?

Douglas: How much time do we have? I’d say the biggest, biggest change would probably be the way we make these things now. Although another large change, more specific, would be the materials that we use. There’s a constant evolution and reinvention of almost all aspects of the materials that a makeup artist uses. That said, I have to shine a light on the way we do things now with the onset of digital and digital cameras. Shooting on film now has almost completely fallen by the wayside. Film was very forgiving, quite frankly, and now it’s not so forgiving. And because of that, the bar has been raised. The wonderful thing about this journey is watching my peers just get better and better and better, my colleagues rising to meet the challenge of not having anything to hide from with this new way we make films.

Nerds and Beyond: So, sometimes you kind of throw prosthetics to the wayside in favor of a more traditional makeup. How do you make that decision on which one to go with?

Douglas: That’s an excellent question. The decision is based purely on what are we going to see. That’s where I start, what is the lighting? I have a conversation with the director of photography and I find out what is the dynamic. Obviously, I know from the script whether it’s an interior or exterior, or if we’re exterior but we’re going to be on a stage, if it’s day or night. These variables all play into my decision as to whether or not I should rely on my theatrical experience and ability to paint 2D to appear 3D, or go ahead and make small prosthetics and put them where I need to put them and use actual prosthetics in lieu of paint.

That has everything to do with lighting, locations, logistics, and because most of his [Loki’s] wounds appear on his arm and some on his face in the Void, it’s all very moody and very dark. And again, the theatrical quality of the paint is not going to be altered by the changing light, it’s just going to react the same way the rest of the face is going to react. It’s purple light, it’s going to make everything have a purple hue. There was no accounting for any correction that didn’t need to be done. There wasn’t anything wrong with that. It’s real.

Nerds and Beyond: So, you did make up for not only Tom on Loki, but you helped plan out the looks for everybody?

Douglas: Yes, what I do is I surround myself with strong talent. It’s all about team. I designed Wunmi Mosaku, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Sophia DiMartino, and Tom [Hiddleston]. Regarding the rest of it, Neil Ellis, both Dennis Liddiard and I, added to the elements of his scars and wounds, which you would only see in close-ups.

The rest of it, the parameters are set — Blade Runner to Mad Men — and stay in those confines. And obviously, I choose color palettes for the women and there are parameters set for the men, but then it’s about team. I’m a big one on a team and not putting my thumbprints on other people’s work, but rather build other people up so they feel like they own what they’re doing.

My team consists of artists that also have stronger resumes and quite frankly, skills that exceed mine. It’s the mutual trust that allows us to keep a high level of artistic integrity in every aspect of the job. It also means I get the very best from my team, and it shows on the screen.

So, I didn’t have every look in my hand. Dennis Liddiard designed the Mobius character and I had Ned Neidhardt run with Gugu and turn up the volume on some of the elements that she already possesses that we can play with. Her eyes and lips, I think Ned turned the volume on both. And because we’re shooting in order, it’s a progression in the makeup you did.

Nerds and Beyond: When it came to Sylvie and Loki, when you when you’re doing those, did you try to kind of plan them both to have any similar things to give them a Loki look?

Douglas: It’s a fair question, but the answer is no. So again, I think the characteristics and traits that were going to be similar among them, aside from wardrobe and costume hints, were all character driven. And I did nothing with the makeup and hair to try to make them look or even closely resemble each other.

Nerds and Beyond: I want to kind of back up a little bit to Tom in the first Avengers film. That was by far one of his most standout looks. Can you tell me anything about what went into the creation of that absolutely tormented, haunted look that he had throughout that entire movie?

Douglas: Yeah, and that’s probably one of the elements that, because the character has evolved, we kind of left with Avengers because by the end of Avengers, and we carried it into Endgame, he does have a bit of an edgier look in Avengers, and not many people pick up on it. But the reality is he’s a little sculpted in Avengers.

I remember sculpting his cheekbones and temples, and doing a little play on his forehead for when he’s in the cell on the Helicarrier carrier with all that overhead lighting. I did like a little devil horn shadow, which is so subtle. The only person who’s going to notice is anybody who looks back at it and having read this and knows what to look for, but it is so nuanced and so subtle. And that’s the only place I think we did that. But the rest of him is very much chiseled and sculpted, but it’s a light touch.

And I think, again, as he evolved through the Marvel Universe and into the other movies that was something that was easy to leave behind, because I think that look played directly into his evil desire to rule over Earth. We rested that design element with that storyline.

Nerds and Beyond: It’s very clear too and I’ve always loved looking at that, because I’m a huge fan of the character. I’ve always loved kind of comparing how he looked in that movie to the rest of them.

Douglas: You’re on to me!

Nerds and Beyond: I’m not! I swear [laughs] So, what’s your best method for making the actors comfortable in the makeup chair? And with the final outcome?

Douglas: It’s dialogue; listening, talking to them, talking to their representation, whether it be an agent or a manager, and doing my homework and doing my due diligence to find out what’s going to make them comfortable the moment they walk through the door. I do my homework on them. It’s not just IMDb, it’s an internet search. So, I spend some time on the web and find out who these folks are, and if I find out, for example, they’re not one that likes to talk a lot, well, the writing’s on the wall, we’re not going to talk a lot, we’ll cut to the chase and get to the point. But also, it’s about building a rapport and building a relationship. Also, knowing that, I’ve said this in previous discussions, knowing it’s necessary to get out of the way.

Like if, for example, I’m not a proper fit for somebody, I have to be plugged in, I have to be aware enough to understand that it may not be working before somebody says to me, “Hey, this isn’t gonna work.” So it’s just about being open, especially as Tom’s personal on these projects and running the department, knowing that I don’t get to do everybody. I don’t get to put my thumbprint on other people’s work. Because not only is that disrespectful, it’s very often unnecessary, because I hire good people. I hire contemporaries and peers. Truly, you’re only as good as your weakest crew member. I surround myself with good people.

So, take Owen Wilson, for example, it would have been wonderful to do Owen’s makeup, but there were times when he was not going to be shooting with Tom and I was going to need to be ready for Tom or available to Tom, so it didn’t make sense. So I never touched Owen, I had Dennis Liddiard design that look and run with it. And then Ned Neidhardt took over that look when Dennis had to depart. That’s just one example of not trying to do everything.

Another one was the Classic Loki. I wanted to do Richard E. Grant’s [makeup] so bad, I can’t even tell you. I’ve been a huge fan since 1987. I wanted so badly to bring that full circle, didn’t make sense. It just didn’t make sense. So again, I never touched him. It wasn’t necessary. Ned was always there. And I think the same thing happened to me on Ragnarok reshoots, which I ran in Atlanta again with Dennis Liddiard. I wanted so badly to do Sir Anthony Hopkins makeup, but it didn’t make sense. So I was happy to hand it off to Bill Myer.

Nerds and Beyond: Oh man, I loved Richard E. Grant in this show so much.

Douglas: He’s amazing.

Nerds and Beyond: He’s so good!

Douglas: He really is. And he’s that good in person. He’s just so fun and interesting and alluring and attractive. He’s such a wonderful, wonderful person and, of course, a phenomenal actor.

Nerds and Beyond: I was watching little videos that he posted and he just seems like the warmest person.

Douglas: You know, just one last tidbit about Richard Grant is he’s got wonderful stories and as he’s telling them he’ll often stop and pause and just laugh. Just laugh, not for the sake of the stories or for anybody that he’s telling the story to, but because recounting the story brings him true joy. So he’ll stop and embrace that joy. Oh, it’s so wonderful.

Nerds and Beyond: That’s so amazing to hear. What is the most memorable job that you’ve done?

Douglas: The most memorable … That’s a tough one because I have so many fond memories of so many projects. The first Avengers film was memorable because there was a buzz, there was a vibration, a frequency, that was in the air when we were shooting that. We kind of knew we were making something big and something special. I don’t think any of us knew how big or how special it would be, but that certainly is one of the most memorable and most special projects.

I’m pretty good about focusing on the positive aspects of all these things, regardless of how difficult the project may be for whatever reason. The pros always, always heavily outweigh the cons, but I have a lot of wonderful, memorable experiences. Another one, it’s the polar opposite only because of the conditions in which we shot, but Birth of the Nation was one of the most memorable and exceptional experiences of my career. I was on the wrong side of 40, had 25 years of experience, and had still never worked so hard in my entire life. We did a 50-day shoot in 27 days. So proud of the work we did.

It was 100 degrees with 99 percent humidity, we shot it in the summer in Georgia, in Savannah, so it was hot, humid, and just getting the makeup necessary to be on individuals to stay put was its own challenge. And then the other challenges only added to that. But Nate Parker, the director, writer, producer, and lead actor, he is a special human being. And he was inspiring from start to finish. Usually, the first people in are the teamsters, transport department, and usually I’m second. He beat me in almost every single day. He’s in three hours before he needs to be. That was a very special experience.

Nerds and Beyond: Finally, are you excited about the news of Loki Season 2?

Douglas: I’m beyond thrilled! I invite being in the dark a little bit, I kind of like surprises and I like not knowing, so I suspected, but hearing the news confirmed, I was thrilled, naturally. What are they going to dream up? This is amazing. How do you top season 1 of Loki? That’s the burning question.

#loki #loki series #douglas noe #interview #article #nerds and beyond

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toastedbuckwheat · 5 years

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Hello! May I ask how you draw? I'm currently learning how to myself and would be highly interested into a step to step process by you! Like from sketch to the done thing (no color necessary)

Hello there!

I dunno how I feel about showing how I work/giving advice to someone who’s learning (and I say it as a pro artist who went through years of traditional art education) because when I do the illustrations you see here on my tumblr I BREAK THE RULES you’d learn though life drawing routine, and give in to bad habits, and my methods are rather unplanned and chaotic which makes it difficult to pinpoint significant stages. But I used my portable potato to take some photos during working on my last piece, so I’ll throw it here with a bit of an explanation of what’s going on.

Before I begin - and because you’re about to look at a mess of a WIP - I’d like to give you some general advice that generally makes life easier when you draw (again, things that I learned in traditional arts education - another artist might advise you the complete opposite, dunno!)

Work holistically. Forget them satisfying-to-look-at clips on instagram showing someone produce a hyperrealistic portrait starting from an eye, with each and every element emerging being finished before they proceed to another part. It takes a lot of talent, yes, but these are ppl redrawing a photo in a kind of a mechanical manner. Most artists don’t work this way. Especially if you’re working without a reference, or if you’re doing a life drawing - your process will be layering and changing and finding what works best to give an impression of what you’re drawing rather than reproduce the exact image, and your artwork is likely to look messy most of the time.That said: don’t start with the details. Don’t spend too much time on a particular part while neglecting others. Your goal is to keep the whole piece at the same level of ‘finished’ (even though it’s unfinished - do I make sense?) before you’re confident that everything is where it should be and proceed to the details. So sketch out the composition first. See how things fit, what’s the dynamics. You’ll save yourself from limbs sticking out from the frame, odd proportions etc etc.

Because it’s a game of relationships between different parts of the picture/scene. I ask you not to worry about finishing a single element before laying out the rest because you’ll find that said element will look different once the other part appears! For instance - you might think that the colour you picked for a character’s hair is already very dark. But once you’re done with the night sky background, you’ll find that it’s in fact too light, and doesn’t work well with the cold palette. You’ll have to revisit different parts of the image as you go to balance these relationships and make the picture work as a whole.

Give an impression of something being there without actually drawing it ‘properly’- because details are hard, mate. You’ll see that my lineart usually has hardly any, and my colouring is large unrefined stains, but the finished thing looks convincing. Like, fuck, I can never focus on how Crowley’s eyes are really shaped. So I just turn them into large glowing yellow ellipses crossed by a line, and heard no protests so far.

Don’t panic if you messed up (you probably didn’t anyway). It might turn out to be a completely unnoticeable mistake - because, remember, things work together to balance each other, so another finished off prominent element will probably drown that badly placed line that looked so visible and out of place a second ago.

It might not look good before it’s finished. I’m mostly immune to it after years of drawing, and my recent illustrations all follow a specific method (ykno, my sunset glow effects and all that) so I can kinda predict the next stage. But I do my linearts on a specially picked crap paper, I don’t bother erasing the smudged graphite, and it looks messy af until I make the background white in Photoshop. Conclusion: you might have a moment of doubt as you work through a piece, but try to break through it - I often suddenly start to like what I cursed a minute before! - and try to finish it even if it’s meant to be bad. This way, looking through your past pieces, you’ll see the progress. And trust me, I can’t even look at my art from literally three months ago. It’s normal.

Now, pics! The sketches are paler in real life, but I increased the contrast a little so you can see something.

1. Laying out the composition!

I wanted to just show them kissing, but I got carried away due to some Art Nouveau inspiration. As you might have noticed, most of my illustrations are quite self-contained (ykno - they look like a sticker on a plain background). So I wanted a tight swirl bordered by Aziraphale’s wings creating a sort of rounded, yin-yang like bubble around them. Consequently I made the whole composition revolve around their heads.

2. Adding more details to the sketch. It’s messy af. It will be messy until I’m done. It’s fine.

3. These are the fineliners I use for the linearts! They are made by Uni-ball and come in light and dark grey. I also sometimes use the guy on the left - ‘Touch’ sign pen by Pentel, when I want more brush-like, wider strokes. I work in grey because when I scan it and do my usual boring trick with sunlight highlights - which is an Overlay mode layer in Photoshop - the highlights ‘burn out’ the lines too and make them vanish a little, and the lighting effect gets more striking. I also like to use the light grey ones to make something look pencil-y without actually using pencil, because pencil fucking smudges.

4. It smudges! So because I am right handed, I start inking from the right hand side, no matter how tempted I am to do their faces first.

5. You can see the composition directions here. I made it intuitively, but ofc some ppl actually use grids etc to lay out their drawings.

6. See how pale ans thin the lineart was at first? I kept adjusting it as new inked parts were appearing. It starts to look nice and consistent now!

7. Finished lineart? There are some mistakes which I later corrected in PS. Notice that Aziraphale’s face has hardly any details on it - I tried to make the drawing suggest his expression rather than risk overdoing it.

8. Photoshop time!! You can totally do what I did here even if you don’t have a graphic tablet. I used Curves tool to enhance the lineart, then Quick Selection Tool to select the background around around my sticker-like piece and filled it white (on a new layer ofc). I keep this white layer on top of the layer order so it works as a mask as I colour. I decided I did not like the hatching shading underneath Aziraphale’s halo, so I erased it with a Stamp tool (because I wanna keep the textured grey fill my crap paper naturally gives me!). It’s done roughly but won’t be visible once the thing is coloured.

9. And the reason why I keep the grey shade instead of easily getting rid of it by using Curves/Levels is because when I set this layer to Multiply mode and colour underneath, it gives me this nice desaturated look like from an old cheap paper comic page. It works as a natural filter! But of course I can’t do bright colours this way, so all my glowing highlights happen ABOVE the lineart layer - on a separate layer in Overlay mode!

Finished thing here!

_____

Commission infoBuy Me a Coffee - help me with my transitioning expenses!Prints and stickers and things on my Redbubble!

#ask the buckwheat #long post #tutorial #drawing advice #drawing tutorial #good omens #ineffable husbands #good omens fanart #good omens art #my illustrations #doodles #toastedbuckwheat

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taylorswifthongkong · 4 years

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Aaron Dessner confirms: folklore is Taylor Swift’s goth record. Or, at least, it’s her most gothic record. It’s also a few other things, depending on your mood: an unofficial Big Red MachineDessner and Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon started Big Red Machine in 2008 as a loose musical collaboration. They released their official self-titled debut LP in 2018, and this year released “No Time For Love Like Now” with Michael Stipe. collaboration (Big RED Machine); a spiritual companion to The National’s 2019 album I Am Easy To Find, specifically its accompanying Mike Mills film, also shot in black-and-white and emphasizing a more natural setting; or just Swift’s attempt at a headphone record, one that, even if you don’t buy into the Taylor Swift mythology, rewards multiple listens as you pick up on all the intricacies of each song and realize wow, this is where the In Rainbows influence comes in. Dessner is the one to thank for all these little details.

The National multi-instrumentalist spoke to Vulture over the phone from upstate New York a few hours after the surprise release of Swift’s eighth studio album. (“A pretty wild ride,” he admits, sounding tired yet happy.) He was clear that he can’t speak on behalf of Swift’s lyrics, much like he can’t for The National frontman Matt Berninger’s either, or the thinking behind Jack Antonoff’s songs. (Here’s a cheat sheet: Jack’s songs soar, Aaron’s glide.) But Dessner was game to speak to his specific contributions, influences, and own interpretations of each song on folklore, a record you can sum up by two words that came up often during our conversation: nostalgic and wry.

“the 1″

“the 1” and “hoax,” the first song and the last song, were the last songs we did. The album was sort of finished before that. We thought it was complete, but Taylor then went back into the folder of ideasMany of Dessner’s songs started from him sending files of sketches from a folder of ideas to Swift, who then replied with updated files of her ideas and additions. Swift also would start some songs by sending voice memos to Dessner, who would then flesh them out or write music to it. Dessner would also send files to his brother, Bryce, and other collaborators to flesh out the music; he sums up the process as “sending files around.” that I had shared. I think in a way, she didn’t realize she was writing for this album or a future something. She wrote “the 1,” and then she wrote “hoax” a couple of hours later and sent them in the middle of the night. When I woke up in the morning, I wrote her before she woke up in LA and said, “These have to be on the record.” She woke up and said, “I agree” [laughs] These are the bookends, you know?

It’s clear that “the 1” is not written from her perspective. It’s written from another friend’s perspective. There’s an emotional wryness and rawness, while also to this kind of wink in her eyes. There’s a little bit of her sense of humor in there, in addition to this kind of sadness that exists both underneath and on the surface. I enjoy that about her writing.

The song [began from] the voice memo she sent me, and then I worked on the music some and we tracked her vocals, and then my brotherOn bringing in fellow The National member, Bryce Dessner: “My brother lives in France and that’s where he and his family were in lockdown. I would send songs to Bryce for him to add orchestration, and then he would send them back. He would compose to them and then I would have people record them over here remotely.” added orchestration. There are a few other little bits, but basically that was one of the very last things we did.

THE MEANING OF FOLKLORE

We didn’t talk about it at first. It was only after writing six or seven songs, basically when I thought my writing was done, when we got on the phone and said, “OK, I think we’re making an album. I have these six other ideas that I love with Jack [Antonoff] that we’ve already done, and I think what we’ve done fits really well with them.” It’s sort of these narratives, these folkloric songs, with characters that interweave and are written from different perspectives. She had a vision, and it was connecting back in some way to the folk tradition, but obviously not entirely sonically. It’s more about the narrative aspect of it.

I think it’s this sort of nostalgia and wistfulness that is in a lot of the songs. A lot of them have this kind of longing for looking back on things that have happened in your life, in your friend’s life, or another loved one’s life, and the kind of storytelling around that. That was clear to her. But then we kept going, and more and more songs happened.

It was a very organic process where [meaning] wasn’t something that we really discussed. It just kind of would happen where she would dive back into the folder and find other things that were inspiring. Or she and William BoweryDessner explains of the one unknown name who pops up in the folklore credits: “William Bowery is who she wrote ‘exile’ with, and ‘betty.’ He’s a singer-songwriter.” would write “exile,” and then that happened. There were different stages of the process.

Okay, but is it A24-core? [Laughs.] Good comparison.

“cardigan’”

That’s the first song we wrote [in early May]. After Taylor asked if I would be interested in writing with her remotelyOn folklore being recorded somewhat on-the-fly: “I prefer records when they have an element where the paint is still wet. We’re allowing some paint to be human and raw, so [collaborations were] not hired out too much. That was important to me, and that was important to her, too. That is definitely different from her past records.” and working on songs, I said, “Are you interested in a certain kind of sound?” She said, “I’m just interested in what you do and what you’re up to. Just send anything, literally anything, it could be the weirdest thing you’ve ever done,” so I sent a folder of stuff I had done that I was really excited about recently. “cardigan” was one of those sketches; it was originally called “Maple.” It was basically exactly what it is on the record, except we added orchestration later that my brother wrote.

I sent [the file] at 9 p.m., and around 2 a.m. or something, there was “cardigan,” fully written. That’s when I realized something crazy was happening. She just dialed directly into the heart of the music and wrote an incredible song and fully conceived of it and then kept going. It harkens back to lessons learned, or experiences in your youth, in a really beautiful way and this sense of longing and sadness, but ultimately, it’s cathartic. I thought it was a perfect match for the music, and how her voice feels. It was kind of a guide. It had these lower register parts, and I think we both realized that this was a bit of a lightning rod for a lot of the rest of the record.

THE NATIONAL’S INFLUENCE ON SWIFT:

She said that she’s a fan of the emotion that’s conveyed in our music. She doesn’t often get to work with music that is so raw and emotional, or melodic and emotional, at the same time. When I sent her the folder, that was one of the main feelings. She said, “What the fuck? How do you just have that?” [laughs] I was humbled and honored because she just said, “It’s a gift, and I want to write to all of this.” She didn’t write to all of it, but a lot of it, and relatively quickly.

She is a fan of the band, and she’s a fan of Big Red Machine. She’s well aware of the sentiment of it and what I do, but she didn’t ask for a certain kind of thing. I know that the film [I Am Easy To Find] has really affected her, and she’s very much in love with that film and the record. Maybe it’s subconsciously been an influence.

“the last great american dynasty”

I wrote that after we’d been working for a while. It was an attempt to write something attractive, more uptempo and kind of pushing. I also was interested in this almost In Rainbows-style latticework of electric guitars. They come in and sort of pull you along, kind of reminiscent of Big Red Machine. It was very much in this sound world that I’ve been playing around with, and she immediately clicked with that. Initially I was imagining these dreamlike distant electric guitars and electronics but with an element of folk. There’s a lot going on in that sense. I sent it before I went on a run, and when I got back from the run, that song was thereJust how fast of a songwriter is Taylor? Dessner marvels, “It’s almost like a song would come out like a lightning bolt. It’s exhilarating. The shared focus, the clarity of her ideas, and the way she structures things, it’s all there. But I think she works really hard when she’s working, and then she tweaks. She keeps going, so sometimes things would evolve or change. By the time she actually sings it, she’s really inside of it. She doesn’t do very many vocal takes before she nails it.” [laughs].

She told me the story behind it, which sort of recounts the narrative of Rebekah Harkness, whom people actually called Betty. She was married to the heir of Standard Oil fortune, married into the Harkness family, and they bought this house in Rhode Island up on a cliff. It’s kind of the story of this woman and the outrageous parties she threw. She was infamous for not fitting in, entirely, in society; that story, at the end, becomes personal. Eventually, Taylor bought that house. I think that is symptomatic of folklore, this type of narrative song. We didn’t do very much to that either.

“exile” (ft. Bon Iver)

Taylor and William Bowery, the singer-songwriter, wrote that song initially together and sent it to me as a sort of a rough demo where Taylor was singing both the male and female parts. It’s supposed to be a dialogue between two lovers. I interpreted that and built the song, played the piano, and built around that template. We recorded Taylor’s vocals with her singing her parts but also the male parts.

We talked a lot about who she thought would be perfect to sing, and we kept coming back to Justin [Vernon]. Obviously, he’s a dear friend of mine and collaboratorSo, is folklore secretly a new Big Red Machine album? Dessner coyly offers, “I mean, you might not be far off the truth there, but I think I won’t say more.”. I said, “Well, if he’s inspired by the song, he’ll do it, and if not, he won’t.” I sent it to him and said, “No pressure at all, literally no pressure, but how do you feel about this?” He said, “Wow.” He wrote some parts into it also, and we went back and forth a little bit, but it felt like an incredibly natural and safe collaboration between friends. It didn’t feel like getting a guest star or whatever. It was just like, well, we’re working on something, and obviously he’s crazy talented, but it just felt right. I think they both put so much raw emotion into it. It’s like a surface bubbling. It’s believable, you know? You believe that they’re having this intense dialogue.

With other people I had to be secretive, but with Justin, because he was going to sing, I actually did send him a version of the song with her vocals and told him what I was up to. He was like, “Whoa! Awesome!” But he’s been involved in so many big collaborative things that he wasn’t interested in it from that point of view. It’s more because he loved the song and he thought he could do something with it that would add something.

“my tears ricochet”

This is one of my absolute favorite songs on the record. I think it’s a brilliant composition, and Taylor’s words, the way her voice sounds and how this song feels, are, to me, one of the critical pieces. It’s lodged in my brain. That’s also very important to Taylor and Jack. It’s like a beacon for this record.

“mirrorball”

“mirrorball” is, to me, a hazy sort of beautiful. It almost reminds me of ‘90s-era Cardigans, or something like Mazzy Star. It has this kind of glow and haze. It feels really good before “seven,” which becomes very wistful and nostalgic. There are just such iconic images in the lyrics [“Spinning in my highest heels”], which aren’t coming to me at the moment because my brain is not working [laughs].

HOW JACK ANTONOFF’S FOLKORE SONGS DIFFER FROM DESSNER’S

I think we have different styles, and we weren’t making them together or in the same room. We both could probably come closer together in a sense that weirdly works. It’s like an archipelago, and each song is an island, but it’s all related. Taylor obviously binds it all together. And I think Jack, if he was working with orchestrations, there’s an emotional quality to his songs that’s clearly in the same world as mine.

We actually didn’t have a moodboard for the album at all. I don’t think that way. I don’t really know if she does either. I don’t think Jack … well, Jack might, but when I say the Cardigans or Mazzy Star, those aren’t Jack’s words about “mirrorball,” it’s just what calls to mind for me. Mainly she talked about emotion and to lean into it, the nostalgia and wistfulness, and the kind of raw, meditative emotion that I often kind of inhabit that I think felt very much where her heart was. We didn’t shy away from that.

“seven”

This is the second song we wrote. It’s kind of looking back at childhood and those childhood feelings, recounting memories and memorializing them. It’s this beautiful folk song. It has one of the most important lines on the record: “And just like a folk song, our love will be passed on.” That’s what this album is doing. It’s passing down. It’s memorializing love, childhood, and memories. It’s a folkloric way of processing.

“august”

This is maybe the closest thing to a pop song. It gets loud. It has this shimmering summer haze to it. It’s kind of like coming out of “seven” where you have this image of her in the swing and she’s seven years old, and then in “august” I think it feels like fast-forwarding to now. That’s an interesting contrast. I think it’s just a breezy, sort of intoxicating feeling.

“this is me trying”

“this is me trying,” to me, relates to the entire album. Maybe I’m reading into it too much from my own perspective, but [I think of] the whole album as an exercise and working through these stories, whether personal or old through someone else’s perspective. It’s connecting a lot of things. But I love the feeling in it and the production that Jack did. It has this lazy swagger.

“illicit affairs”

This feels like one of the real folk songs on the record, a sharp-witted narrative folk song. It just shows her versatility and her power as a songwriter, the sharpness of her writing. It’s a great song.

“invisible string”

That was another one where it was music that I’d been playing for a couple of months and sort of humming along to her. It felt like one of the songs that pulls you along. Just playing it on one guitar, it has this emotional locomotion in it, a meditative finger-picking pattern that I really gravitate to. It’s played on this rubber bridge that my friend put on [the guitar] and it deadens the strings so that it sounds old. The core of it sounds like a folk song.

It’s also kind of a sneaky pop song, because of the beat that comes in. She knew that there was something coming because she said, “You know, I love this and I’m hearing something already.” And then she said, “This will change the story,” this beautiful and direct kind of recounting of a relationship in its origin.

“mad woman”

That might be the most scathing song on folklore. It has a darkness that I think is cathartic, sort of witch-hunting and gaslighting and maybe bullying. Sometimes you become the person people try to pin you into a corner to be, which is not really fair. But again, don’t quote me on that [laughs], I just have my own interpretation. It’s one of the biggest releases on the album to me. It has this very sharp tone to it, but sort of in gothic folklore. It’s this record’s goth song.

“epiphany”

For “epiphany,” she did have this idea of a beautiful drone, or a very cinematic sort of widescreen song, where it’s not a lot of accents but more like a sea to bathe in. A stillness, in a sense. I first made this crazy drone which starts the song, and it’s there the whole time. It’s lots of different instruments played and then slowed down and reversed. It created this giant stack of harmony, which is so giant that it was kind of hard to manage, sonically, but it was very beautiful to get lost in. And then I played the piano to it, and it almost felt classical or something, those suspended chords.

I think she just heard it, and instantly, this song came to her, which is really an important one. It’s partially the story of her grandfather, who was a soldier, and partially then a story about a nurse in modern times. I don’t know if this is how she did it, but to me, it’s like a nurse, doctor, or medical professional, where med school doesn’t fully prepare you for seeing someone pass away or just the difficult emotional things that you’ll encounter in your job. In the past, heroes were just soldiers. Now they’re also medical professionals. To me, that’s the underlying mission of the song. There are some things that you see that are hard to talk about. You can’t talk about it. You just bear witness to them. But there’s something else incredibly soothing and comforting about this song. To me, it’s this Icelandic kind of feel, almost classical. My brother did really beautiful orchestration of it.

“betty”

This one Taylor and William wrote, and then both Jack and I worked on it. We all kind of passed it around. This is the one where Taylor wanted a reference. She wanted it to have an early Bob Dylan, sort of a Freewheelin’ Bob DylanBob Dylan’s second LP, released in 1963, features some of his most stripped-down acoustic folk songs, with plenty of harmonica. To this day, its lyrics still cause debate. The album’s famous cover, shot in New York on Jones St., is one block away from Cornelia Street. feel. We pushed it a little more towards John Wesley Harding, since it has some drums. It’s this epic narrative folk song where it tells us a long story and connects back to “cardigan.” It starts to connect dots and I think it’s a beautifully written folk song.

Is ‘betty” queer canon?

I can’t speak to what it’s about. I have my own ideas. I also know where Taylor’s heart is, and I think that’s great anytime a song takes on greater meaning for anyone.

Is William Bowery secretly Joe Alwyn?

I don’t know. We’re close, but she won’t tell me that. I think it’s actually someone else, but it’s good to have some mysteries.

“peace”

I wrote this, and Justin provided the pulse. We trade ideas all the time and he made a folder, and there was a pulse in there that I wrote these basslines to. In the other parts of the composition, I did it to Justin’s pulse. Taylor heard this sketch and she wrote the song. It reminds me of Joni Mitchell, in a way — there’s this really powerful and emotional love song, even the impressionistic, almost jazz-like bridge, and she weaves it perfectly together. This is one of my favorites, for sure. But the truth is that the music, that way of playing with harmonized basslines, is something that probably comes a little bit from me being inspired by how Justin does that sometimes. There’s probably a connection there. We didn’t talk too much about it [laughs].

“hoax”

This is a big departure. I think she said to me, “Don’t try to give it any other space other than what feels natural to you.” If you leave me in a room with a piano, I might play something like this. I take a lot of comfort in this. I think I imagined her playing this and singing it. After writing all these songs, this one felt the most emotional and, in a way, the rawest. It is one of my favorites. There’s sadness, but it’s a kind of hopeful sadness. It’s a recognition that you take on the burden of your partners, your loved ones, and their ups and downs. That’s both “peace” and “hoax” to me. That’s part of how I feel about those songs because I think that’s life. There’s a reality, the gravity or an understanding of the human condition.

DOES TAYLOR EXPLAIN HER LYRICS?

She would always talk about it. The narrative is essential, and kind of what it’s all about. We’d always talk about that upfront and saying that would guide me with the music. But again, she is operating at many levels where there are connections between all of these songs, or many of them are interrelated in the characters that reappear. There are threads. I think that sometimes she would point it out entirely, but I would start to see these patterns. It’s cool when you see someone’s mind working.

“the lakes”

That’s a Jack song. It’s a beautiful kind of garden, or like you’re lost in a beautiful garden. There’s a kind of Greek poetry to it. Tragic poetry, I guess.

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#aaron dessner #the national #joe alwyn #article #folklore interview #folklore promo #folklore #quote #track by track

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autoirishlitdiscourses · 3 years

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Discourse of Saturday, 10 April 2021

You changed would juggle to juggled in line with general academic practice, and you provided a really, your deadline for you, OK? Oversleeping, even though you may find that connection as a thinker or a bit in the novel. Distribution of paper handout. I think that it would be necessary to make it. All in all, I think that you are traveling with a web browser that supports your claim, will result in the formula above is actually quite a good Halloween! However, any good copy of it. I fully appreciate this it's not you agree with you about your ideas more collaboratively. Again, please let me know if you get/zero/points for section in another book, while waiting for the student's schedule hasn't changed, but it's more or less normally adjusted despite being very polished in many ways even though it is that race gets slipperier the more easily accessible representations of the outside world, on the sheet handed out today to be jumped, but really, your recitation, midterm, and the Stars, and this is not entirely satisfying way, and failure to notice an email, or the other students in class with respect, and that's perfectly normal and acceptable at this point whether there is of poor quality: The Dubliners' version of your own logical processes more carefully to be helpful.

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I myself tend to agree with me. Third: remember that sometimes sitting down and start writing. If you have any other reason. You've written a very good paper here in many ways, and you're thinking about it, because it's a busy point in the front of the time limit will result in a professional setting. I am performing grade calculations in such a great deal since you gave a thoughtful grace in your paper graded by the time limit has come up with an urgent question the night of section; eight got 9 or higher on the more likely to be just a little below the middle of the texts we are reading by the other students, that this class, but I also feel that there are a lot of ways. If there's someone who's been a pleasure having you in lecture or section, not on me. Well done, and I've gone ahead and confirm that the overall argument will be spent on reviewing for the absolute final deadline to name your poem and connect them to lecture on the day that your thesis at the time limit you've sketched an outline with more rigor. Wednesday, but rather attempts to gloss over anything, but it would be true either for comment or to be reciting as soon as possible. What is my nation? 494-95 p. Which is bad. Yes, that's fine my 6 p. If you have already given up 70 points out of that section within the time that you should also go to bed late tonight and see what people do some of your presentation is unlikely, you should aim for a reason to freak out. Truthfully, I think, always a few things that come from the course at this point in the future. Ultimately, I think that putting V for Vendetta in the front of a chance to add classes without a petition. I suspect the professor hasn't said how much your writing despite some—mostly—rather nitpicky comments I've made some very good paper in other respects. Both of these are often quite good, nuanced writing. The Butcher Boy. Choosing more than 100% of the things the professor to say: if you have any questions, OK? Hi! I could try to avoid them, I'm sorry about that. Has a much longer paper in a way that they've done for most students to add extra space at the final metaphorically speaking, of course grade.

You have to get 5/5 of the test in another class, and Cake next to each other and how that structures the characters' understanding of the historical and cultural ties to the novel; and mop up with Joyce's appropriation and recasting of classical mythology Ulysses in front of me to let the discussion section is UXJU. Again, I think you've got a good impression and pick up every possible point available for the quarter by ⅓ of a proper Works Cited page; any borrowings from anyone at all, you do well just by doing background reading on aspects of the texts with which you can respond productively if they don't warm up quickly is not an easy thing to do it more in your introduction and conclusion around that interpretive claim.

VIII. Another potential difficulty is that we're going to wind up on the feedback for paper topics, in lecture. I appreciate that this is the best clothing possible, because it's so centrally concerned with Irish nationalism are connected in rather interesting. You were clearly a bit too tired tonight to do as well.

Les Demoiselles d'Avignon; Woman with Mustard Pot aha! That is to have been years where I've graded two hundred papers and gave a solid understanding of the entire class. Thanks for letting me know. 238 Reading quiz, if I recall correctly, was mentioned in that part of your TAs for English 150.

Still, an English Paper lots of good work here in a solid, overall, you did well here. Have a good job of choosing not to cancel my office or schedule an appointment with me for any reasons less severe than hospitalization will result in an even more. The Covey 6 p. Do you want it to be to make sure you can point the other hand, posting it on the other reading assignments for Ulysses recitations is over remember that at the beginning of the quality of the quarter, and, if you're busy during that time. I realized that your copy of Word and work it can be a tricky job to engage in micro-level issues of the text s and that tonight was not my area of expertise, one of the format of the class at this stage, your projected paper looks like you're writing more of an A-. Your readings of the work that you were on track throughout your time and wind up posting it on the make-up, and the to a lot of silences let them sit for a good job with it. As far as it were a couple of suggestions. Hi!

Again, well done overall. Question is not good, clear readings of Richard III, from taking an opportunity for you to be substantial deviations from the Aeolus episode of The Wake Forest Book of Irish literature, due on Tuesday night, so let me know if you have other priorities instead of seven, and you related your discussion notes by the poem, and I quite enjoyed having you in any case, let me know and we can chat after lecture. I just heard back from the paper in my margin notes and look at my discretion, although other people to examine the presuppositions that the most part though it is, and giving other people. No real surprises for me to. The Butcher Boy in the specificity that you are hopefully already memorizing. I'll assess each component separately and email it to. Awesome! Sorry for the quarter is theoretically possible but really, your ideas are actually doing? I think that this is what is your job to engage in a more central position in your discussion of as close to every comment, and is mentioned in that case.

For this reason, deciding that you could take Playboy as a source. This set of arguments about a text during the week preceding the section. I'm glad that worked out. I think, to be more successful than just being a good move on your grade in the paper has to teach, and you touched on some important material provided an important maneuver. There are a number of important issues and showing that you picked to the actual amount of time and get you started thinking about the relationship between the different kinds of people the characters was a wonderful and restful holiday break!

Does it answer your specific point.

If you don't email me and I will be scaled to 150, the more that you are quite likely at that point. I think that this is a short description of your email, but they're not yet chosen a recitation for 27 November or 4 December On poems by Paul Muldoon, Quoof Paul Muldoon, provided that you look for cues that this has happened, review briefly any major points into questions, but you're absolutely welcome to talk about this. Have a good Thanksgiving break. 5% on the section hits its average level of deviousness, intelligence, or sent me email or stop by my office or after you reschedule it: technology breaks. Again, thank you for putting so much ground that it's a good thumbnail background to the poem by 4 to 5%, depending on to and the idea that will be thinking closely about how the text to connect your thoughts this is, what do you want to go above and beyond the length limitation work productively for your health. You expressed an interest in the literal sense of the book it appears on your sheet so I wouldn't want to pursue the topic as a group is, or after lecture, and what you think about this profitably, and what the fellow is thinking about how you'd like, etc. The question will be much more apparent to you. Great! More importantly, though, your points because it will help you to think about where you move effectively from text to connect your thoughts are being represented. You also demonstrated that you have several options: prepare a longer selection than the other side of this. Thanks! Something else entirely? Etc. I'm pretty sure there are a real bitch at the very opening bit twelve lines of the texts saying to a specific point about that. Happy Thanksgiving! Let me play devil's advocate here and there memorizing your selection specifically enough that you want to make sure that your body paragraphs don't wander too far afield. Again, I realize. 25 on the issues that you had quite a good set of background information. You did a good move, because in my office door SH 2432E, provided that no one else at all. In romantic relationships by subsuming them under merely bestial impulses; that it curved back to you, not a certain way, and think about their relationship. I think that one, to talk about.

I can just bring it to be productive.

It's not. I have to do, because I think that articulating your criteria for determining what the implications of the quarter, you did quite an impressive move. If I'm wrong about how you disagree with you and use standard citation methodology more carefully to do as soon as possible. Note also that serious problems may lower your grade by 1. Have a wonderful poem, and the way that Beckett conceptualizes it.

Well. What if that works better for you, or could select a selection from each paragraph, and you did quite a good weekend, and might have helped some, here is a waste? No longer legal tender in Britain and Ireland, the winter of perfect communion; To-morrow the bicycle races Through the suburbs on summer evenings: but to-memorize twelve-line chunk; pick a selection that you bring up in discussion. The other people's textual selection in question. For one thing, and setting a positive example for them, in South Hall 1415. You had a good lens for. I Do Like a S'Nice S'Mince S'Pie sung by Corp. —You'll take the exam, and you are working. On what your total points for the announcement in lecture. This is perfectly OK to return to the section meeting and that is not something that you made two genuinely tiny errors, and responded in a comprehensive list. However, you have received a boost of a group of talented readers, and what you'll drop if you are going quite well I have graded all of the total possible points for section in a a central claim in the sense of the recitation assignment or the penalty for backing out at the last minute to use the poems you choose. Nothing that I'm allowed to pass. Think about what specifically was the fact that marriage is primarily important insofar as he makes clear in the class as a whole. But tomorrow afternoon that works best, OK?

If, after lecture tomorrow. So, what immediately suggests itself to me. —Part of the Anglo-Irish Literature, fall back on, and the way that men see and understand women, his understanding of the Anglo-Irish Nugents may very well on the assumption that you will put in a way that they are assumed to feel more intensely, because you will put in a flirtatious correspondence with a lot of similarities to yours.

Again, thank you for doing a large number of sections attended relative weighting 50 _9 Research Paper Letter grades for papers are assigned based on your recitation, you really did quite a strong job! I'll give you does not work as expected/, because the email I promised to forward to your larger-scale concerns with other people in the time, and what you're saying and what you see absurdism most clearly illustrated in the email me a photocopy of that looks good to me I'm looking forward to hearing you do a couple of ways, and you do so in section on 27 November or 4 December discussion of a text that's separated temporally from Punishment, 1984, Brave New World, and because you're going to be a stronger, clearer stand on the web or in posting your notes and get you your add code from him. Hi! Thanks for doing so by 10 a. I am currently leaning towards calling on you. Here's a breakdown on how to deliver it. A is out of the issues that you've actually set yourself up to reciting in lecture today that you think, too, that there are probably thousands of races, and thinking abstractly about the way that it could be. I forgot to say. The sample paper available on the final, and in line 22. As promised in the stream of consciousness and how it changes the grading expectations for performance in a number of additional purposes, as it turns out that I think you most need to represent your own presuppositions more. Lesson Plan for Week 4:30 or so of all my students for review. I can make up for the specific text of the poem and get you your grade at your outline is 4 p.

#Irish literature #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Python #Markov chains

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insanityclause · 5 years

Link

What most struck me about this production of Harold Pinter’s Betrayal, is how much it reminded me of another star-powered Pinter production that grazed Broadway in 2015–Old Times. The staging and direction of both productions were frigid, spare, with Lazy Susan-style rotating floor pieces on which the actors stood or sat or lounged, tensely, always poised and statuesque, often to great visual effect—three attractive actors each, as well-dressed and brooding as if they were models on an editorial fashion shoot.

What I remember most about the 2015 Pinter production is not the specifics of the content of the show itself (though I recall generally enjoying it), but this aesthetic, linked to the theme, of course—circuity and the particular trap of time—but so prominent that it overwrote the rest; my remembrance was so marked by the poses, the lights, the tone, and the distances between the actors onstage.

Similarly, when the lights come up on the current Betrayal, directed by Jamie Lloyd, the three characters of the play’s love triangle are stiffly posed together. One may think of chess pieces set on a board, and such a likeness is fitting—Pinter’s plays are ones of deception, manipulation, and calculated maneuvers. The set feels chilly, impersonal, bare. Slate-like panels frame the space, creating the sensation of things being hemmed in. The lighting, too, is aggressively icy, like the fluorescents in an office.

Jerry (Charlie Cox) and Emma (Zawe Ashton) sit side by side, talking in folding chairs as Robert (Tom Hiddleston) lurks in the background, removed, drink in hand. Emma and Jerry, it’s quickly revealed, have previously had an affair, though it’s over now, and Emma and Robert’s marriage has come to an end. They talk about their jobs, their families, and sprinkled in are a few references to things from their past that we’ll find out more about later: a trip to Italy, a playful moment with Emma’s daughter, lunchtime liaisons in a shared flat. It’s all on the table (atop a Venetian tablecloth, one could say, as such a fabric is referenced more than once) from the start, so the discovery lies not in the act itself but in the evolution of it, the resolve of it, the talk of and around it, which, more than the infidelity itself, encompasses the truest representation of betrayal.

In one exquisitely done scene, by far the best of the production, the back wall of the stage comes forward, clipping the open area from a yawn to a short breath of space, where Robert and Emma sit together while on vacation in Italy. The light has a yellow tint, and though there is no excess furniture (the same two chairs from the beginning appear again), and the tabula-rasa-style set is as unyieldingly clinical and anonymous as before, Robert and Emma move with an ease that implies familiarity, even when it’s invisible to our eyes, and the warmer lighting and smaller space draws us into the intimacy. Robert, having discovered that Jerry has sent Emma a letter, double-talks his way around asking her whether she’s sleeping with his best friend.

Hiddleston, temporarily hanging up his cape and horns from his role as the beloved mischief-maker of the Marvel Cinematic Universe to make his Broadway debut, is devastatingly matter of fact in his demeanor, his Robert steadily circling closer and closer to confirming the thing he already knows to be true as the conversation goes on. He nudges Emma, trying to gauge her reaction, but the exchange feels more masochistic on his part, a long, slow act of self-harm that Hiddleston allows Robert sink into with depressing resignation. Ashton, too, delivers her best in the scene, her face, elsewhere deceptively easy and bright, gradually crumbling and contorting as the conversation goes on. It’s like watching a home fall apart, in real time.

All the while, Jerry slumps against a wall in the dark, off to the side. Later, Robert sits directly next to Jerry as the latter meets with Emma for another indiscretion. Robert knows about the affair, and though the character is physically present onstage, he is silent, not actually present in the setting or the action of the scene. Still, he’s intrusive, like a spectre, a grim Dickensian Ghost of Marriage Present. It’s an artful choice on Lloyd’s part, which directs attention to the importance of proximities in the production, allowing each scene to maintain the tension of the trio and continue to hint at the consequences of a transgression that keeps happening.

The production in many ways literalizes the unpacking of the relationship that the text performs. In the haunting presence of the characters—whoever the third wheel happens to be in any given scene—is well done, but at other times the production just tips over the line into over kneading its themes. It eases us into the past, opens up so that we learn the characters personally, firsthand, as we witness them backwards in time. The problem is that whereas we’re meant to begin at the end with just a sketch of the situation and then gradually swallow the full context, missing in the early scenes is the sense that that same context—that history of the characters—is fully accessible to the production itself, even if it’s not yet accessible to us as we’re starting out on this backwards journey.

Part of the issue comes back to the audaciously stripped-down aesthetic and direction, which untether the play from time or setting (though both are clearly referenced—just not seen). This places the onus on the actors to recreate what we’re missing through the meat of their performances. Hiddleston’s Robert fits well into the cool distance that the play creates, occasionally showing his bite, and Cox’s Jerry (also known for his jaunts in the world of Marvel—albeit the grittier, Netflix-owned parts, in the criminal underground of Hell’s Kitchen in Daredevil) has an easy good-guy charm. Cox really digs his feet into the play’s comic moments, surprisingly, filling the space with jokes, and he works well opposite Hiddleston in their exchanges, but he sometimes goes a bit too big, hitting and holding the comic beats to a hammy fermata. But it’s Ashton who’s least served by the production’s combination of style and space; her Emma is remarkably aloof and remote, and the production only emphasizes her character’s emotional distance, so that her underlying feelings—a cocktail of wishfulness and sorrow and anger, one imagines—are so masked that they make the rendering feel undeveloped at times. Unfortunately, she and Cox also lack chemistry, and despite Lloyd’s attempts to spark electricity in the spaces between them—scenes where they touch, or, more often, don’t touch—it often feels like dead air.

But ultimately these are small qualms, minute, inconsistent injuries, in the grand sense of the thing—the thing being a production that succeeds in matching the thoughtfulness, in attention and execution, of Pinter’s text. In art there are incongruities that blunder or bore, but in this Betrayal, for example, the distinct takes on the characters, though they don’t always mesh, are nonetheless engaging, creating their own interesting kind of dissonance among them, even in times when one could imagine them as figures in each their own separate plays, of different tones and temperaments. More often than not, the production delivers what one would hope to receive on a night out to see a talented cast of actors in a well-known play by one of theater’s talented, oft-celebrated playwrights. Somehow, it manages to make betrayal stylish and simple and complex and familiar and detached and funny and tragic. It makes betrayal a pleasure to behold.

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uxannie · 4 years

Text

Beneath the surface

Ideas about the invisible world beneath the soil have pervaded my thoughts for as long as I can remember. As a child, I read books about the underground homes of animals in books like Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIMH by Robert C. O’Brien and Fantastic Mr. Fox by Roald Dahl.

Fast forward to 2014, when I made the above drawing attempting to visualise an interconnected web of plant roots. This drawing contains a web of India ink and acrylic gesso sprawling across a 2 meter square of thick paper, whose size and depth fail to translate to this tiny digitised version.

But the real physical version of the drawing too felt like it failed to translate my mental picture into physical form— failed to inspire the sense of interconnectedness of my vision, and thus never felt finished. Alas, after a few months of work on my web of roots, I gave up, pulled the pins out of the wall and rolled it up. It found its home in a storage closet with the rest of my rejected artefacts, deemed unworthy of display in my home, and yet somehow still too precious to discard. It has remained rolled up collecting dust ever since.

The unrealised vision for this drawing had begun to inhabit my mind after learning about mycelium and mychorrizae for the first time from mycologists in Eugene, Oregon, where I was living and studying landscape architecture at the time. The video below by ecologist Suzanne Simard summarises the knowledge that gave rise to this vision, explaining the astonishing interconnectedness of communities of trees in forests.

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Fast forward again to 2020 when one of my Creativity in Design module leaders put a task to the class to fill out sheets of paper with a series of prompts:

‘when the city was: ___,

what if: ___,

and the city then became: ___.’

Before thinking, I found my hand scrawling a scenario:

‘when the city was: bombed in World War II,

what if: everyone moved underground,

and the city became: a labyrinth of tunnels.’

My classmates found this idea quite dismal; after all, life underground would not involve much light or fresh air, they aptly pointed out. And yet, I remained inexplicably enchanted by the idea of a subterranean metropolis.

Later in the term, when my design team pivoted away from the idea of a ‘game of plant life’ and returned to questions about plant agency and plant communication (explored in my last couple of posts), this underground web resurfaced in my thinking.

We found a book called The Hidden Life of Trees: What They Feel, How They Communicate- Discoveries from a Secret World by Peter Wohlleben and learned more about what he called the Wood Wide Web: networks of tree roots and fungi which serve as an infrastructure for the sharing of information and resources.

As the team brainstormed different ideas, we shifted from the design of a game to the design of a site-specific art installation and honed in on the idea of ‘tiny forests’ or liminal patches of green space dotted throughout the city. The goal, carried through from our work all term but clarified now, involved engendering human empathy for plants, or in other words fostering the connections between humans and plants. Only now, we were in lockdown as a result of COVID-19.

The COVID-19 crisis has had varying impacts on our lives so far, but the most pertinent felt impact for our team at the time was a pervading feeling of isolation. Fortunately, we were able to keep working together thanks to the internet. We reflected on the notions of isolation and interconnection, and the infrastructures of the city (e.g. the world wide web) that foster our connections in absentia.

Meanwhile, we had to choose a site for our intervention that we knew from memory. We chose to explore hubs of connection where roads, train lines, and people come together in physical proximity but are often disconnected, passing by quickly, unaware of their surroundings. Two sites we knew well were Highbury & Islington and Kings Cross. Since we couldn’t visit sites in person, we visited them digitally via Google Earth and Google Images.

We discussed ways that plants communicate and ways that people connect. We brainstormed ideas and sketched them out. We shared concepts in Google spreadsheets. We considered pheromones as one potential concept. Tons of seemingly random ideas and resources were compiled. Among them, I posted a link to a touch-sensitive LED floor while Rosie posted resources about the Wood Wide Web— what if the sidewalk were a giant screen where people could peer into the underground world of plants? Interesting, but perhaps just a passing pretty picture. We moved on.

Gemma was exploring a vision of a concept of a digital ‘mother tree’ and posted an exhibit from Japan with relevant resources to that idea, which happened to use stillness (as opposed to movement) as a triggering interaction. And then, in a blurry flurry of ideation, some dots were connected-- what if, on the digital floor of tree roots & Wood Wide Web, humans standing still triggered an interaction… what if the people grew roots too… that connected to the plants’ roots?!

We continued to explore other ideas, and I sketched various concepts for mini sites within the greater Kings Cross redevelopment. Among them, a tiny forest at Granary Square, where the roots floor vision unfolded in my sketchbook, and then the realisation: ‘Wait. These trees’ roots wouldn’t be connected.’

I knew from my days as a landscape architect that urban trees living amongst pavement are planted in ‘wells,’ which are essentially boxes underground. This made me feel sad. I had a newfound empathy for these isolated plants because of my current isolation during the Coronavirus lockdown.

This reality of tree wells also threatened the vision of an uninterrupted, interconnected web underneath the sidewalks. It would be a lie in most urban spaces.

At the next meeting, we discussed including two sites instead of one and highlighting the juxtaposition of these underground systems. We’ve presented this proposal in a slideshow and produced a document containing a project summary and visual narrative of the design journey.

In the final stages of detailing this design proposal, we connected two more resources, which serendipitously catapulted our concept into a truly radical smart city future.

First, Paul Stamets Mycelium Running: How Mushrooms Can Save The World posits that mychorrizal networks are the ‘neural networks of nature,’ meaning that forests are their own ‘smart cities.’ Stamets also posits that the networks relay vast amounts of information which can be tapped into by humans, and therefore have potential to serve as ‘interspecies interfaces.’

Additionally, the work of Neri Oxman at MIT media lab shows how organic, living matter can be used for building materials among many other innovative uses. Could our internet infrastructures be made of mycelium?

These datapoints led us to expand our vision beyond a world where humans build urban infrastructures in ways that are merely harmonious with plants’ networks. Instead of harmonious but disparate plant and human infrastructures, it is wholly possible that we could share our infrastructural networks with those of plants and fungi.

With this in mind, I’ll leave you with one last thought:

When: humans and plants lived isolated in disconnected boxes,

What if: we came together to merge the world wide web and wood wide web to form one interconnected network,

And then the city became: a living, growing, shared smart city.

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dokidokiliteraturegirls · 6 years

Photo

Hello everyone! Yui here, with today’s special feature, DDLitG Behind the Scenes: What’s the deal with Ako?

In this special update we’ll talk about her character in general, design, her place in the story, and more! So get comfortable in your seat, get yourself some good snacks, and let’s delve into the background of DDLitG’s 1st-ish original character~

Who is Ako?

Ako, formerly known as “female student”, was originally one of the many NPCs used by the game’s engine to fill its world with nondescript background characters, so as to make it feel less empty. However, Sayori took a special interest in her, and decided to befriend her, following the steps of a young MC who befriended Sayori in a similar situation and ended up saving her life. This would in turn allow Ako to grow as a character beyond her 1 line of coding and get her own sprites, as well as being able to interact with the world. She would later go on to fall in love with Sayori and shenanigans ensue.

Ako was created with the purpose of telling the story of the Friendship arc.

Designing Ako.

Let me make one thing clear: I’m not a character designer. I don’t know jack about it besides the very basics. But I did try to make someone who looked mildly original and, most importantly, different from the other girls.

Originally, she was going to be the image of a shy, fragile girl who Sayori befriended out of pity, more than anything. Based on this initial idea, I made this beta Ako design on one of my copybooks when I should’ve been working:

As you can see, her very first sprite was the one where she’s shyly looking away to avoid eye contact (and to seem annoying, but more on that later). I was happy with the pose but not with her face, as it looked super unoriginal. She resembled Ochako Uraraka from My Hero Academia a bit too much, so I tried to change her hair to make her stand out more. Here is her second iteration:

This time, I felt like I cranked it up too much to the other side. Now she stood out TOO much. Her hair felt like it came more from a protagonist than someone who’s supposed to be a background character. I adopted a new philosophy after seeing this result: she had to look as bland as possible. She had to be the kind of character you see all the time in the background of an anime - those simple, unassuming designs you’d never look twice at because you’re too focused on the protagonists with candy-coloured hair. In DDLitG’s canon she’s a filler NPC brought to the forefront, and her design had to reflect that more than my desire to make her look “cool”.

With this in mind, we come to Ako v0.3

As you can see, this is much closer to her current design. But this was still a sketch (even the drawing above is very much unfinished). As you can see, I got closer to her 0.1 version with the hair, but changed the eyes to make them look more unique, giving her that more neutral, “nothing” expression. Having finally found some ground I was comfortable with, I redefined her design a little further, gave her some more details around the hair and clothes, adjusted the proportions of her body (because apparently I draw heads huge), and made her finalized design.

I was happy.

What’s with this sassy... monochrome child?

If there’s one constant to be found in the pictures above, is that she was always meant to be black and white. There are plenty of reasons, which I’ll list because, honestly, there are a lot.

1. I didn’t want to look her like the rest of the cast at fucking all. She is an OC introduced in a story with already established characters made by a much more talented writer. She’s an outsider, someone who doesn’t belong with this cast of colorful characters, and I wanted readers to be able to tell that at first glance. No, she’s not like the other girls. They don’t belong in the same place. She is not a member of the original DDLC cast, and it shows.

2. I know I can’t draw as well as Satchely, so trying to copy DDLC’s art style would just end up looking awkward and wrong. I had no choice but to do my own thing. And if I’m doing my own thing, why not take it all the way? I already gave myself artistic freedom, I might as well go crazy with it~

3. I just adore characters in a fictional universe that look different from the rest of the cast or have some strange design choice for literally no reason. Like Krillin from Dragonball, with his eyes that make him look like he belongs in an entirely different manga...

...or even Jotaro Kujo, whose hat merges with his hair because why not!

I live for dumb crap like that.

4. A huuuuuge inspiration for me while writing (besides my own uninteresting life) is music. Many times I listen to a specific track or imagine situations with specific background music to make them seem more real, and be able to better portray the feelings of a scene when writing [For example, I listened to My Chemical Romance’s Welcome to the Black Parade a lot while writing Monika’s Death].

Ako’s creation was no exception. Her appearance was partially based on the cover for not only one of my favorite Vocaloid albums of all time, but one of my favorite albums period: Wowaka’s glorious Unhappy Refrain.

I’ve been writing stuff based on this album alone for years because it’s just so damn striking to me. The picture of the faceless schoolgirl falling into the unseen abyss, the background uninterested characters that imply they are used to seeing fellow girls suffer, the distorted world they live in, the album’s way to explore teenage depression, the freaking name of the album, EVERYTHING! IT’S SUCH A GOOD EXPLORATION OF THE DIFFICULT LIFE TEENS FACE THAT OFTEN GOES UNNOTICED!! AAAAAAHHHH IT’S SO GOOD.

5. Ako was also based on a previous design I made for another character meant for an original visual novel I was writing and I’m probably never going to finish, who was also going to be monochromatic to reference this album (in that context it made more sense though cuz every character was a musical reference).

This character, in turn, was based on Monoko from Yume Nikki, which is more obvious because of her crying eye and extra arm.

So basically at this point it would’ve been weird if I hadn’t made her monochromatic.

Naming Ako

This was one of the most difficult parts, ngl.

As I mentioned, Ako was originally going to be a fragile, shy girl. Based on this, her original name during the design face was Moromi, which is one more letter than “Moroi”, which Google translate promises me means “Brittle” or “Fragile” in Japanese.

However, after the philosophy change that happened during her conceptual stage, “Fragility” was no longer at the core of her character, as it was now “Nothingness/Blandness”. Because of this, I changed her name to “Ako”.

Many people have submitted their interpretations of the name, ranging from its meaning “To teach/to learn”, and “To yearn for”, which all fit better than the original tbh.

The intended meaning is for “Ako” to be read as “A-Ko”, which is a way by which Japenese media often refers to filler characters, as it translates to “Girl A”.

Examples of this can be seen in Super Danganronpa 2, where a character in a videogame is called “A-Ko” to hide their identity...

...and in a movie called “Project A-ko”, which was a parody of the anime tropes from the time, so they gave the protagonist the most generic name ever. The antagonist and side character, by the way, are called “B-Ko” and “C-Ko” respectively. This movie is fucking awesome.

This name also made sense in the context of the story, because we already had a character named “Student A”, so this goes to show that the game just gave Ako the default name it had stored for female NPCs.

Blinded Ako, or How I Learned to Convey Emotion Through Ahegao

When I came up with Ako, she was meant to have most of her character revolving around her infatuation with Sayori. She was, after all, written in the story with the purpose of falling in love with her, and nothing else. Her character, personality, likes/dislikes, and hobbies came afterwards. As the story progressed, however, I decided that she should have a personality separate from just being in love with another character. So to separate the actions she committed under the influence of her passion, I did a little design change in the middle of the arc: Blinded Ako.

In this version, Ako has been literally blinded by love and stops being rational. This is represented by the hearts covering her eyes, and clouding her judgement. This was done not only with the purpose of representing she was past her breaking point, but also to differentiate the Ako that makes mistakes with the Ako that was introduced in the beginning of the arc. Almost so as to make them two different characters, so when she is reintroduced as a regular character after Friendship, readers could think “oh, she’s not going to do dumb stuff again, she’s not blinded by love anymore.”

Many people compared the above panel with “ahegao”, a trope in hentai manga where a character does a silly face to represent them breaking from enjoying themselves so much. This was done partially on purpose. The main idea was to represent Ako being blinded by her infatuation for Sayori, not to equate her sate of being with anything sexual. It DID end up looking more hentai-esque than I expected though, as, well, Ako is in black and white, and the heart eyes are also a trope in ahegao. And she’s sweating. And she’s saying that she’s about to break....

.....

....well at least I drove my point home.

Ako’s musical influences

Above I mentioned how music was a big part of my inspiration, and how I listened to Welcome to the Black Parade while writing Monika’s Death, so the question in no one’s mind is: what music did Yui use as inspiration for Ako’s character and the arc? 🤔

Well, hypothetical reader, the answer is that since Ako was meant to be bland and flavour-free, her original depiction is not based on a song or anything. Her desperation towards Sayori and Blinded Ako, though, are based on TRONICBOX’s 80′s style remix of Ariana Grande’s Into You. And yes, this 80′s remix in specific. Not the original song. I highly encourage you to give it a listen and pay attention to the lyrics if you want an insight into how Ako was feeling during her breaking point.

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Also, as a side note, no one has asked me this, but I imagine Ako’s voice to sound like the vocals of Panty and Stocking’s ending, Fallen Angel. It’s a truly beautiful song, and once again, I highly encourage you to give it a listen and pay attention tot he lyrics if you want an insight in Ako’s current feelings towards Sayori.

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Ako’s reception

This is more something personal than an explanation of the character, but it’s something I want to share nonetheless.

Remember when I said Ako was meant to be annoying? Yeah... xD

When I decided to add a new character I did so under the idea that everyone was going to hate her, because it’s a purposefully boring OC made by some insane person with the sole purpose of being added to an already interesting and loved cast of characters just to fuck everything up.

The first scene I ever wrote for Ako was the part where Monika asked if she had hurt Sayori, and she said “Not intentionally...” while looking away, which is why her first sprite ever was in that position. She was meant to make people feel frustrated over this girl just looking away from her problems and avoiding responsibility, while also telling Monika to her face that she had done something bad to Sayori. Readers were expected to hate her. That’s why in the beginning she says she doesn’t like literature, to assure you that she’s not joining the literature club. That’s why there’s a scene where she gets punched in the face. That’s why she looks so extremely out of place.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DISLIKE HER!! omg I’m still surprised at how warm the reception was, you guys are just too nice for me~ ❤️

Because of the unexpected reception I had to change some parts of the arc, which were originally going to be much crueler towards her [I even questioned adding the punch at all, but it was an important part of Monika’s development so I felt it]. I also established her as a recurring character in spite of her dislike of literature, and did my best to make her less hate-able than she was originally going to be, even cutting some planned lines of dialogue that made her pretty irredeemable. Looking back, I am glad I did those changes, we ended up with a well-liked and pretty nice girl because of it~

Final thoughts

The introduction of Ako and writing Friendship in general was a very intense experience for me. It was very difficult to balance Ako as being both relevant to the story and moving the plot forward, but not make her the sole focus of everything and have her obscure everyone else, because OCs in established pieces of media tend to do that.

This arc also got a LOT of mixed reviews, some people liking it, some hating everything I did. This made me really question what I was doing and at many points even regret I was writing Friendship at all. At a certain point I lost almost 50 followers in a single update.

I also had trouble writing some parts because they were too sad. And that’s not my style! I like writing happy people being good friends, damn it, not everyone crying and hating each other.

But when all is said and done, I’m happy I wrote both Friendship and Ako into the story. I’ve received many wonderful, supportive messages telling me how much readers enjoyed it. Even some people saying they had been in a similar situation to the one depicted in the story, and were glad to see a story that showed a positive outcome.

Will I write more OCs into DDLitG?

Meh, who knows. I love writing more original stuff and expanding the world of DDLitG, but I also feel like if I introduce yet another OC, people will crucify me and hate me for flooding the story with too much stuff that’s irrelevant to the DDLC they’re used to. That being said, writing this blog is my first, and very possibly last chance to expose my stories to such a large audience. And seeing people like what you do not only because you’re riding the coattails of a recognizable brand, but because they like what you do with it, makes me pretty darn happy. Being completely honest, I’d like to add another character. But just one. And only if it’s something that will push both the story and the girls’ character arcs forward. Not just adding OCs for the sake of it.

Thanks for sticking until the end of this BTS, and I hope you found it an enjoyable read, or at the very least I made you a little bit less bored~ ❤️

Next time, in DDLitG Behind the scenes: What’s the deal with The Perfect Yuri?

#ddlitg behind the scenes #updated version!

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poemsforcowboys · 5 years

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What a Feeling // Freddie Mercury

2 3 4 5

Pairing: Freddie Mercury and Katy Newton (OC)

Summary: Before she moved from London to New York at the age of thirteen, Katy Newton had always been friends with Brian May. He was the only one she knew who encouraged her creative side, especially her designs for fashion and makeup. So much so, that Katy is hired as Queen's newest stylist. But what she doesn't expect is her knew found friend, Freddie Mercury. Will their casual flirts lead to anything of substance? Or will their relationship just become another lost love as they both make their journey towards self acceptance.

Warnings: there will be smut eventually but not in this chapter, bisexuality (?), feels

CHAPTER ONE

"Kathryn, dear get up, it's nearly noon!" at the sound of her mother's shrill voice, the barely conscious mess of dark blue hair groaned into her pillow. It wasn't even late for christ's sake. And, this was one of the only times she could really sleep in anymore, her job at a thrift store in the upper west side had weird hours, but it was the only time she would be getting paid to help sew and repair fabrics, something she loved to do and only wanted to improve with. The new job wasn't providing her with enough money to keep up with the rent in her old apartment, so she had reluctantly moved back in with her parents and younger brother.

"Kathryn!" her mother yelled again, but this time with a different tone, could she be excited? Positivity was not something Mrs. Newton was the best at, as it was not something she valued highly.

"Come look at the telly! Kathryn!" Katy huffed, that's what she'd rather be called, and told her mother this many times, it was a decision she made when she realized she wanted to be known for her art. A vital part of her that was ignored by her family, and only one of many including her new hair color and fashion sense.

"What is it, Mum?" Katy's British accent had disappeared for the most part, but sometimes made an appearance, especially when she was around her family. Her older brother Daniel and her parents had been able to maintain their accents through their move from Hampton, London, England to New York City in 1960. Unlike them, Katy was only thirteen and had just begun to make friends in her hometown.

She begrudgingly called back and rolled out of her bed, accidentally stepping on one of the many crumpled sketches on her floor. What she wanted to be doing in her twenties was thrive through her designs and cosmetology skills, but her parents had made their disappointment clear many times. They resented her for going down this path especially it being one of an artist, they were both lawyers, even now still encouraging her to go to law school and offering to pay for it.

She gave herself one quick glance to her mirror in the corner of her room, wanting to make sure the makeup she wore last night hadn't turned her into something like a rabid animal. Katy had brown eyes, and to her, they were nothing more than that. Often she'd wear bright eyeshadow, maybe a deep red or an electric blue, always intending on looking like nothing less than art. She was only about 5 feet, making her the punchline to many jokes, and some of the fashion statements she wanted to make more difficult to pull off.

"Kathryn! It's Brian! On the telly!"

Katy actually turned her head this time, and went quickly to their small living room to see what her mother was talking about.

Katy did not have many friends when she was growing up in London, and to say that was an understatement. She was shy and often seen as a loner, except for when she was with Brian May. He had stuck by her as many of his own friends thought she was odd or awkward, he never thought that. He was polite to her father and looked up to Daniel, Katy's own mum had made jokes about wanting them to marry and always wanted to insinuate something that as twelve year olds, Brian and Katy just couldn't understand. When she moved to New York, it was even harder to establish any relationships she thought would last, which is why she turned to art. There was nothing she loved more than to sketch the people of New York City, the only difference between her art and reality was they were wearing outfits she had designed to enhance their natural beauty. So, she didn't have many friends but she did have art, and living in New York City made that easier for her to cultivate, and harder for her parents to control. It was all too often that she would sneak onto the fire escape and leave to dance or just have a smoke, she was nothing like her family and they all knew this.

But Brian always loved her, he always accepted her for the individual she was, and he was devastated she found out she was moving.

It indeed was that same Brian who was playing guitar and performing on stage and live television for what looked like thousands of people. Katy instantly recognized him, then smiled at the sight of his new hairdo, on her faded small screen he looked like a poodle and it reminded her, and her mother as she could tell, of when he would get scared of Katy's tiny dog Finn, whenever he came over to play.

It wasn't just Brian's face on their 1972 Sony Trinitron Television, but he was playing guitar with three other men in front of a huge crowd.

She watched each one of them perform and nodded her head to the beat, Brian was killing it and she knew her mother secretly completely agreed, her foot tapping the whole time. Katy's gaze rested for an extra moment on the lead singer, he was clad in a yellow striped sweater and black polka dot sequin jacket, one that she quite rather liked the fit of.

"Kathryn! They're touring America!" the credits began to roll on the screen, listing the various dates of their 1974 American tour dates over an image of her one true friend in her life doing what he loved. "Do you still talk to Brian? You should invite him for dinner, your father would like that, and the drummer can come too?" her mother never joked like this, but Brian always had a special place in her heart for being so kind to her daughter, even when she wasn't.

"Oh Kathryn if you don't go, I will" she remarked when her daughter just continued to stare at the screen, the picture changed to one of the blond drummer.

Katy couldn't help but agree with her, maybe not about the dinner, but she had missed her old friend. They had always kept in touch, the telephone definitely made that easier, but neither of them ever had the money or the time to reconnect in person. Of course, Brian had told her a little about the band he was in, but he was always humble and promised to tell her more when they met in person.

The tickets for their New York show were pricey to say the least, Katy tried a few box offices and a few friends before finally realizing Brian should just meet her somewhere in the city instead. Not knowing how exactly to reach him, she called his mother, Ruth who still lived in that same Hampton neighborhood in London, and, who was more than happy to give her a way to reconnect with Brian.

She pressed her ear nervously to her pink rotary phone as she held it and played with the chord, twirling it around her fingers and walking around her room, for all she knew his agent could answer. On one of the last rings, she finally hear some rustling and a connection.

"'ello?" Now that she thought about it, Katy couldn't remember the last time she had actually had the time to catch up with her friend, but despite this she recognized his voice instantly.

"Brain!" She laughed into the phone, relieved to be hearing his voice and not a stranger's.

"Shady Katy?" he questioned back, on the other end of Katy's line, he was just as excited that this call was from her and not a stranger.

"I've missed you! Are you still studying astrophysics?"

"Not exactly" he laughed "I'm assuming mum gave you this number?"

"She did, and she told me to give you a kiss too"

He groaned, as did she when first prodded by Ruth earlier.

"I'm sorry about that, you know how it is" Katy nodded and laughed, she did.

The two caught up as if nothing had changed except their situation, and that may have been true, although it felt like it had been forever for the both of them since they actually hugged for the last time. Eventually the conversation digressed to Queen's - Katy now knew that as the band that sent her modest friend into riches - tour of America, specifically their New York shows.

"I would love to come Bri, I really would, but I don't have the money right now, what if we meet for drinks?" Brian just laughed, he was rolling his eyes, unsure of how naive his closest childhood friend was truly being.

"Don't worry about that, Katy Shady Lady," she huffed at the dumb nickname, "are you at least free on that night? Oh and, have you made any friends yet?" confused as to how Brian could be free on the night of one of his shows, she answered anyways with a yes to both questions. Besides Brian, and since her transition to New York, she had gained one more close friend, a film student from one of her philosophy classes at school. Jo was always the first to see and most excited by the clothing Katy designed, often volunteering to model. As if anyone could detest anyway, she was beautiful and easily could've made it as an actress in Hollywood as opposed to behind the scenes - what she wanted - she appreciated Katy in a way that even Brian couldn't, she knew her for the new her and encouraged it.

"So it's settled?" Brian asked, tugging her along the joke that she still did not understand.

"What? Where would you like to go for dinner? I mean we could visit my parents but they-" "Katy, I'm sending you three tickets in the mail, make sure that night stays free, yeah?"

She nodded and smiled before realizing he could not see her, and finally accepted his proposition, after having to make sure he was certain he could do that. Sometimes she forgot how wonderful true friends could be, she was just worried she had to find one more to go with her to the concert now.

Jo had not stopped talking about how excited she was for the show that night. Actually, she hadn't been able to stop talking about it since Katy invited her, three weeks ago.

"Joey, stop moving for one second before I poke your eye out" she was attempting to coat her friend's brown with a hint of green eyes in a gold liner she had made herself.

"Okay fine but when I'm in Love with My Car comes on you're gonna need to give me a second" her friend looked up at her, her eyes now looking more beautiful than ever, as Katy's record player spinned in her dimly lit room. She didn't own any of their records them but Jo did, and brought her collection over to listen to as they got ready for the concert.

"So, who did you decide to bring tonight?" she ignored Jo's previous statement, mostly because she didn't know the song, and continued to apply glitter to her eyes and eyebrows, grateful that Jo let her experiment so much with her looks. Katy had also let her choose the third person to bring, as she had many more friends than Katy did and she honestly didn't quite care, whoever she chose always ended up being someone unique.

"Oh, um," Jo blushed and looked away, it wasn't usual that Katy saw her like this, flustered.

"Well, her name is Michelle, you know Michelle, and um, she's in my film class, she's really pretty and offered to be in my next video, she's really nice, you're going to love her, I promise" Katy just smiled, she could tell Jo was nervous but anyone Jo liked, Katy would be more than happy to meet.

"Done!" she took Jo over to her mirror to show her the final look. She was beautiful, as always of course, Katy couldn't help but stare. She was much taller, with curly brown hair and the ability to pull off any look. Tonight it was a white long gown that made her into a goddess, one of Katy's earlier and simpler pieces, the city was going to be too cold for anything too experimental.

She then quickly did her own makeup, light green eyeshadow tonight and big wings, something reminiscent of the 1950s but with more spunk,

"A 50s housewife gone wrong" she remarked to Jo. That was basically her brand, nostalgia with a burst of New Age.

"I love it" Jo smiled, admiring her friend's brave and bold approaches.

They met Michelle at the venue, it wasn't exactly Madison Square Garden, but it was much bigger than Katy expected. Michelle was taller than Jo, lean and tan with curly hair and bright eyes, when she spotted them, she ran up to Jo and smiled, kissing her on the cheek and grabbing her hand. Katy watched them, Jo laughing, introducing the two most important people in her life to each other. She never explicitly said anything to Katy about her love life, but they both knew Katy knew, only Jo did not realize how happy and intrigued it made Katy feel to know, and to fully accept.

"Brian and I want to see each other before the show, is that okay?"

"Is that okay" Jo laughed "of course it's fucking okay I've been waiting to meet Roger Taylor for my entire goddamn life" Michelle nodded her head in agreement, she complimented Jo's dress, and Katy's work. It was clear she was hiding her excitement in order to appear calm, something Jo could see right through. They put their backstage passes on and suddenly felt like they were being treated differently. Katy couldn't tell if a fan with long blonde hair was staring at her in jealousy or something else, she ignored it as she waited for Jo to figure out where exactly they were going.

"This way!" she motioned for her two friends to follow her, Jo was fine with always have to be the one to ask the questions, it was a task she had learned to love.

It was as if they went through one door and their whole perspectives changed. Suddenly they were backstage, people running around them, some holding water, cameras, extra drumsticks, Katy didn't know where to look until Michelle just pointed. All the way in the back corner, was a van with the Queen logo poorly drawn and even more poorly taped to the door. A wave of excitement overcame Katy as she quickly made her way over, with her friends unsurely trailing behind.

She knocked on the door, nervous at the sudden realization that a different bandmate might answer. She heard yelling from inside the tiny silver van. Some of it was definitely music, but she didn't think the sound of glass breaking and a sudden "DEAKY LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE" were from any record. Just then, she saw someone else peak through the blinds on the truck window right next to the door. She thought it could be Brian, the man was wearing aviators and only peaked his eyes through so she really couldn't tell, but he didn't seem to recognize her, and actually looked slightly annoyed to see her.

Suddenly, the door swung open, and Katy was face to face with her childhood friend, she hadn't seen him in over a decade. She ran into her best friend's arms and heard a faint squeal she knew could only belong to Jo from behind her.

Brian, also enveloped in this hug, was trying to ignore the loud complaining of his bandmate who was audible although he was still fully inside the van.

"Roger, how many times do I have to say it to you darling! I just simply will not go on stage without my eyes done, now where the hell is is Debbie?! I can do it myself she just has my makeup"

"Sorry about them, blueberry" Brian mocked her good naturedly, "can I meet your new friends?"

The blinds on the car window were suddenly pulled up, revealing an impatient yet attractive man with long hair and bangs, the aviators now clipped to his robe, looking for someone. It caused Brian to shoot an annoyed glance, he hoped Freddie would get a grip on his damn temper or Debbie, their formal makeup artist - who Freddie often spoke poorly of due to her "dullness"- would show up to her only job.

Jo took that opportunity to cough loudly and grab an equally excited Michelle's hand "Yeah Katy, please introduce us to your friend, please" she said in a smiling tone, waving to Brian, whose attitude changed to excitement as he waved back and walked over.

But Katy's eyes were still on the window where the lead singer of her friend's band was looking out from moments ago. She hoped he would walk by again, and heard he was looking for makeup.

"Roger!" From inside the car, Freddie's tone had suddenly changed completely. He did not expect to see such a unique looking person outside his truck, when he was wearing nothing at all besides a robe. "Roger!" he snapped, trying to get the attention of his friend, suddenly aware of how loud he was being before.

"What, Fred?" he looked up from brushing his hair in the mirror.

"Who is the girl Brian is talking to" Freddie mouthed to Roger, he did not want them to hear him and had honestly no idea how loud he was being at any given moment.

"Oh come on Freddie you know I can't read your lips" Roger retorted, a smile at the edge of his mouth. Freddie just rolled his eyes and walked over to him, any thoughts of Debbie temporarily disappearing from his concerns.

"Brian's childhood friend, she moved in primary school and they haven't seen each other since" John piped in, a little offended that Freddie went to Roger before him.

"Are she and Brian..." Freddie trailed off, trying to look out the window without being seen, when instead he caught a glimpse of two other girls, holding hands, he smiled softly.

"I just told you, they haven't seen each other since primary school Fred, no one was sleeping around in primary school, ya fool" Freddie rolled his eyes, secretly embarrassed at the mistake. "Maybe you weren't sleeping around Deaky, but I was" he winked, saving himself from any further questions when John rolled his eyes.

There was a knock on the door.

Freddie shot Roger a glance, who shot John a glance, who looked out the window.

"It's the girl" John mouthed.

Sometimes, Freddie really didn't know what took him over. He tied up his robe, for the most part, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

"Bri" he said, holding eye contact with Katy whilst drawing the attention of Brian, who was still talking to Jo and Michelle, more Jo, about the embarrassing things Katy liked to do (such as being irrationally scared of elevators, and lack of knowledge when it came to rock and roll) whose face quickly turned into a mixture of anger and confusion when he saw Freddie talking to his friend.

"Who is this beautiful pixie? Can I keep her?" he winked. John was the one to laugh from inside this time, Freddie sure could act. Katy blushed, even harder after she heard Jo scream

"That's Katy! She loves your style!" and then shoot her a thumbs up, Katy's eyes widened. She was obviously angry that Jo had exposed her like that, but she couldn't deny it, his fashion sense was something else.

"Well Kate, it's a pleasure to meet you" he took her hand in his and kissed it, she admired his black nail polish. "And, I call this look" he referred to his maroon silk robe "my birthday suit, I can show you the whole thing sometime if you'd like"

"Freddie I swear I will hit you right now I don't care if we have to cancel the show"

"Don't worry Bri, I'm only teasing" he matched Katy's eyes again and winked.

"I like to call him Galileo" the first words Katy could muster up the courage to say to who felt like a god in front of her.

Brian just sighed and walked over.

"Katy likes to think she's clever, Galileo was the astronomer who discovered Jupiter's moons-" Brian shot her a fake annoyed look, he secretly quite liked the nickname but if he told her that, she'd stop.

"Oh no, don't worry, I get it, it's because you were going to be a nerd before I saved that arse" Freddie interrupted, earning a laugh from Katy (what he wanted) and a glare from Brian (a problem he will have to deal with later).

"Anyways" Freddie continued, smiling at his success, "why'd you knock? Galileo's out here talking to...." it was clear he wanted an introduction, but Michelle and Jo were caught up in their own conversation and couldn't hear him. "My friends, Jo and Michelle" Katy smiled, happy to see Jo happy.

"I knocked, because I accidentally overheard that you couldn't find your makeup" she started

"Don't worry about it, if you're near Freddie you might find yourself accidentally hearing a lot of things" Brian interrupted, he was the one smiling this time, and Freddie glared before realizing what she had just said to him.

"You have makeup?" he asked, hopeful, and surprised by the kindness and accepting nature of this practical stranger, but anyone who Brian loved, must be good, Freddie rationalized.

She nodded, "I did Michelle's on the way here" pointing to her, before actually looking over to see her and Jo holding hands. Katy and Freddie both stayed silent for a second. Caught up in their own thoughts.

"Well, dear" Freddie finally coughed "if you wouldn't mind me borrowing it, Debbie - our makeup artist - is an absolute bore, nothing like you darling, and she's also very late" Katy didn't know what to do with all of this flirtation, she herself had never been so entranced by a boy and he was actually receptive to it.

She couldn't help but watch him apply the dark shadow to his water line and eyelids, she had made her way fully inside the van by now, and looked around. It was nothing too fancy at all, if anything, it needed a good wash. There was a broken beer bottle on the floor that John, Brian's friend and bassist was currently cleaning up, and Roger made his way outside to talk to an internally freaking out Jo.

When she looked back to Freddie he was already staring at her.

"Did you design that dress?" He asked, his gaze suddenly making her nervous.

"I did, the first attempt took me all night and was a slightly different pattern but my parents threw that one out, they aren't the biggest patrons of my art. This one isn't as nice but I-"

"You look absolutely stunning, I meant it when I said like a pixie, some woodland fairy, that is what you are" Katy blushed, she appreciated his odd compliment.

"Freddie you better not be high right now, we've got a show to play in - shit in ten bloody minutes" John suddenly realized the time and hurriedly began to gather his things.

"Don't worry darling, we are performers, they can wait a minute, maybe they'll get all hot and heavy. Are you watching tonight?" he spoke from John to Katy, while having his back to them, watching through the mirror as he tried to multi task by also changing into his leather outfit, makeup finished and looking lovely. Katy tried her best not to stare but found it hard, she almost wanted to reply with "I'm watching right now" but she lacked the witty confidence she so admired in the man in front of her.

"Of course, I'm excited to see Brian" she decided to say instead, feeding into the game it was clear that Freddie liked to play.

"And are you excited to see me?" he turned around, locking eyes with her, dressed to a tee.

"I just met you"

CHAPTER TWO

AN: Hi guys!! Thank you so much for reading so far! I have pre written the next few chapters so they will be up soon! Don't forget to like if you enjoyed it, I am so excited to be writing this fic. ~June :)

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jarrettfuller · 5 years

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Conan, Late Night Talk Shows, and Multi-platform comedy

1. Apartment 103

My college roommates and I were close. There were four of us — Ryan, Eric, Dustin, and me — and during the two years we lived in Apartment 103, we did everything together. We ate dinner together, around the table, like a family. We bought a Christmas tree together and made stockings for each other. We went to movies and watched every season of The Wire and Dexter. That apartment was the first place outside of my childhood house that felt like home.

It was the end of the semester and Ryan and Dustin had already gone home for the holidays; only Eric and I were left. He had made eggnog earlier in the day (as you do) and at 11:30pm, we sat in front of the television to watch Conan O'Brien's final night as host of The Tonight Show. I had just started getting into late night talk shows and was obsessed with the Tonight Show debacle. Here’s a quick refresher: in 2004, Jay Leno announced he was retiring from The Tonight Show and handing the show over to Conan O'Brien, then the lost of Late Night. At the beginning of 2009, Conan took over and the ratings dropped. NBC, in a panic, didn't want to give Conan the time to find his footing, and after a mere nine months, announced they were moving the Tonight Show back a half hour and giving Leno a new show at his old time. Conan quit and the network gave Leno his old show back. In the ten years since, Leno retired again, and every other talk show got a new host. Conan found a new home on TBS where he's been chugging away, doing his thing, quietly becoming the longest running talk show host of the current era.

Conan was never my favorite host — Letterman always held that spot for me, and now it’s Stephen Colbert of the current lineup 1 — but I always found him the most interesting of the bunch. Certainly more interesting than Leno and Fallon, and I was sad to see him lose the show2. Watching that final show with Eric — the images of Conan on The Tonight Show set, playing guitar with Max Weinberg and Will Ferrell as the credits rolled — is one of my strongest memories of late night talk shows, and certainly a highlight from Apartment 103.

2. “We’re Trying to be Anarchists”

Late last year, Conan announced that his now almost decade old TBS show would move to a half-hour format. The change would allow him to try new things on the show while also expanding his popular digital presence. Over the last few months, while the show was on hiatus, Conan launched a podcast, went on tour, and announced a new website that will archive every episode of Conan's shows. The shorter show would allow Conan to do more of what he does well — the travel shows and web exclusives like Clueless Gamer have proven surprisingly successful. By reducing the run-time for his TBS show, he'd have more time to devote to these extracurricular experiments while also easily playing with what the show itself can be.

On the new Conan, the desk is gone, the suits are gone, the band is gone. The set has been rebuilt, now just a small stage that can be reconfigured depending on what they are doing. Andy Richter is still there on the side of the stage. And Conan is still Conan. In the first few episodes I watched, the show felt largely the same, just shorter. As Rob Harvilla wrote for The Ringer, it was "addition by subtraction". The show obviously looked new and everything felt looser but the structure was still there: a monologue, a sketch or prerecorded bit, and an interview.

No show knows what it is in the first episode; or even the first year. The mistake NBC made in 2009 was jumping the gun, not giving Conan the time and space he needed to settle in and make the show his. It's hard to remember now, but Colbert's first year on the Late Show was rocky; with constant rumors that CBS wanted to swap his timeslot with James Cordon. And of course when Conan took over for Letterman back in 1993, he was rumored to be on a week-to-week contract. We shouldn't judge the new show by one week of episodes but it feels underwhelming after months of hearing how the new run-time would allow the show to be more experimental. Perhaps they are still easing their way into it, perhaps they still aren't sure what they can do. But for this new show to be truly exciting, it needs to get weirder. Conan needs to lean into what makes Conan Conan. There's still a lot of potential here.

Every time a new host takes over a franchise, there is a chance to mix up the standard talk show format popularized by Johnny Carson — there’s the monologue, a desk bit or a skit, two guests or three guests, and a musical act or stand up set — but each reincarnation is largely more of the same. Sure, Colbert made the monologue his own, where they often clock in well over ten minutes. Seth Meyers performs his monologue behind the desk. James Corden and Jimmy Fallon focus more on games and viral-style videos but it’s still just a white guy in a suit sitting behind a desk telling jokes and talking to people. It's a design problem, really: how do you work within the constraints of the format while making something your own? “We’re trying to be anarchists, but I’m trying to be a good boy and do a good job for the network,” Conan told Dave Itzoff of The New York Times. What he’s engaged in now, he said, “is this gradual progression toward me making the job fit me more — what do I like?”

That’s the tension with late night talk shows — especially with established francises like Tonight or Late Night: how do you honor the form that's been honed down over the last three decades while creating something new. Conan, perhaps more than any other late night host, has pushed himself up against that dominant form to question what else it could be. Sometimes, like Colbert or Seth Meyers, you find ways to work within in the system. But for Conan, the best way forward, I think, is to throw away that tradition and making something wholly his own. With TBS, he found a partner that gives him the space (and time) to try new things and make the show more like him. But the other, more important, question is: how central is the show to Conan's new output.

3. Building Your Own Printing Press

Ten years ago, around the same time I was watching the final episodes of Conan's Tonight Show with Eric, I started to get interesting in media distribution. The iPad would come out a few months later and this was when the first paywalls were being erected around newspaper websites. As someone who was always publishing little things online, I was excited by the potential and increasingly low-bar to entry. I wrote an essay for the now-defunct blog I kept through college on these changes and wondered out loud whether Conan even needed a new network. The essay — titled “Building Your Own Printing Press” — is no longer online but used the A.J. Liebling’s popular aphorism, “Freedom of the press is only free for those to own a printing press” as my starting point. The internet, I argued, gave everyone their own printing press. Conan was my prime example. Here's the key paragraph:

Under his exit contract with NBC, Conan O’Brien is unable to join another network until after September 1. So what will he do until then? Mr. O’Brien finds himself with a lot of free time and a lot of cash which make for the terrific combination to fully embrace independent media. It would be extremely easy for Conan to launch a new show without any network, contract, and deals and it could be all online, the way his fans watch him anyway. He would get to do his show, the way he wants to do it and not have to worry about networks giving him a hard time. The way we are consuming our media is changing and it’s about time the distribution caught up.

That was in 2009 — I was an overly optimistic (and arrogant) college student — and I realize now how much harder that would have been a decade ago. But now, in 2019, it is possible. YouTube stars are a thing. Instagram influencers is a term we now say without flinching. And it's exactly what Conan is now doing. Conan and TBS have entered a deeper partnership and are careful to continually point out the "show" isn't the only part of that partnership. There's already a podcast and a recently finished tour and I imagine we can expect more of that. Under the new contract, Conan can record as much as he wants each day and only owes TBS a half-hour. The rest can go online, or in any other place it fits. The format I wished for ten years ago probably wasn't financially possible then but it certainly is now.

This raises the question: how important is the TBS show to this new multi-platform comedy empire (ugh)? If anything, the show has been reduced to just another spoke in the wheel. By devoting less energy specifically to the show, each component can shift more freely. It’s here that Conan is truly subverting the late night form.

This is what I couldn’t quite reconcile ten years ago: Conan is on TV but his fans aren’t watching TV. The late night talk show is an archaic format; a relic from another era. Appointment viewing isn’t how people watch television anymore. (Think about how many times Netflix has tried to get into this area. So far they’ve been unable to crack it because it goes against Netflix’s whole model.) These shows are increasingly being watching in bits and pieces on YouTube the next morning. I’ve never seen an entire episode of Late Night with Seth Meyers but I’ve watched every single one of his A Closer Look segments.

Instead of prioritizing the show, Conan gives everything — the show, YouTube, his podcast — equal weight. It’s appealing to both sides of the generational divide, both packaged for TV and distributed across the web. You can watch it as a traditional talk show or online in short clips. While late night viewership decrease on television, they are increasing online. Much like newspapers and magazines struggled to get their content online in the early days of the web, so to are television networks still figuring out how to go digital. For many of these other shows, segments are clipped for YouTube or there’s a separate team making original content for online venues (that often feels like it’s separate from the show.) The other networks and hosts can take a cue from Conan and TBS, fully integrating the two, giving equal weight to both sides. As Conan said in another interview, perhaps in five years people won’t even notice that the “show” — in the traditional sense that we think about it now — is completely gone. Under this new model, it’s not impossible that ever-so-slowly, everything moves online.

Content-wise, Conan will find his footing within the new show. These first few weeks are testing the waters, being a beginner all over again. But it’s important to not overlook how much he’s already trying something new. This openness to different media platforms is, I think, the future of the genre. At least, it’s the future I wanted when I was sitting there in Apartment 103. I haven’t sat down at 11:30 to watch The Tonight Show since.

1. I’d also put Dick Cavett on my list right along Letterman, but his show never felt connected to the big four: Tonight, Late Night, Late Show, and Late Late Show. It always seemed like he always was doing his own thing. ↩

2. I’ve long held a theory about the Tonight Show. Letterman famously wanted it in the nineties after Carson retired — and Carson supposedly saw Letterman as his rightful heir — but the show went to frequent guest host Jay Leno. When Leno retired again in 2013, Jimmy Fallon took it over and is the current host. The Tonight Show is a brand name — that’s the popular show. It has to be generic, inoffensive, appeal to the most people. Letterman wouldn’t have been good on Tonight — he’s too smart and too weird. Same with Conan. Leno and Fallon and can do that. They are less interesting, better at appealing to the widest audience possible. ↩

#conan o'brien #late night talk shows #comedy #conan #stephen colbert #jay leno #jimmy fallon #seth meyers #the tonight show #media #media distribution #technology #television

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cargopantsman · 6 years

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Rambling on About Liminal Spaces - a draft

A recent post triggered some embryonic thoughts on liminal spaces, and here’s where I’m going to try and get them to something of at least a stage of fetal thoughts.

The term “liminality” was coined in the field of anthropology by Arnold van Gennep back in 1909 while studying rites of passage in small, tribal communities. The term “liminal” stemming from the Latin for “threshold” or “entrance,” denotes that the experience of liminality is an in-between/transitional event. This is where we get our term “preliminary” and the less often used “postliminary.”

While the term may have been coined in relation to specific rites involving an individual, for instance, leaving childhood and being initiated into the society as an adult, or a rite for an active adult entering a stage of retirement, modern usage of the term is predominantly associated less with periods of change within one’s life stages and more with spaces where things feel “off.” The common examples typically involving big box mega-stores, particularly 24-hour facilities sometime around the “witching hour.” Being in a Wal-Mart at 2am is indeed an awkward experience. A Target, even in a busy afternoon, can feel like a different dimension. Other examples being lone gas stations in the middle of nowhere. Truck stops that are more like small villages dropped on an open stretch of expressway. The gigantic mall with only three small stores, one department store and a Taco John’s still operating. The second-run movie theatre on the outskirts of a college town.

The contrast brought up in the original post was that these are typically high-traffic areas that we stumble upon in empty situations, so that the lack of human activity would be what makes it seem off. While in many of these instances one could rest comfortably in that conclusion, there are enough outliers in things that count as liminal spaces that drove me to ponder on this a bit more. A gas station in the middle of the desert isn’t necessarily strange because we expect high activity and see none, rather the opposite that in a large expanse of nothing we have a little bit of “something.” It’s an oasis. Similarly would be the ramshackle motel with half functioning lights inviting you to rest from an encompassing dark emptiness.

Two things popped into my head within moments of recognizing these differences; wayside shrines and cathedrals.

First point is that irresponsible leap of logic to link an empty Home Depot to, say, Chartres Cathedral. Our civilized human brain decries a Wal-Mart as a bastion of corporate evil and greed, abusing workers from point of production all the way to point of sale. While valid from a moral/ethical judgment standpoint, there is something that I think resonates with us on a monkey-brain level. It would be a fair assessment to say that many of us live our day-to-day lives in rather confined conditions. Our homes, whether a house, condo, or apartment are made of small rooms each sectioned off and filled with clutter and knick-knacks of various purpose from utilitarian to aesthetic to “where did this even come from?”. Our jobs may well put us in cramped stores, cubicles, offices, or vehicles. But a big-box store late at night is wide open, with aisles stretching on, that lacking a rush of a crowd would seem like miles. The vaulted ceilings of a Gothic cathedral have taken on the form of corrugated steel roofs interspersed with, instead of chandeliers, fluorescent fixtures that hum and drone on like a choir chanting an infinite AUM. Our personal bubbles can relax. All objects are neatly arrayed and organized (within reason for any retail establishment). There is nothing pressing in on us physically. The cacophany of daily life is absent. There is a stillness that we do not experience very often in the outside world.

The monkey-brain, that psychological architecture with a foundation laid a million and a half years ago that was awestruck by vast chambers in caves that our ancestors sanctified with images of all sorts of beasts, responds to this. The random flickering of torches replaced by steady 60Hz pulses of light that we can sometimes see if we aren’t paying attention to it. The monkey-brain that was driven to erect stones in large circles to carve out a certain space in an even larger field responds to this, the columns of basalt replaced by a ring of clearance signage. The monkey-brain that crafted its mythology into stain-glass windows responds to this, the iconography of age now being displayed on a wall of flat-screen televisions.

While our civilized brains rebel at the forced participation in late-stage capitalist consumerism, a quiet mega-store gives us a sense of peace and our needs are fulfilled, at least on a material, practical level.

Similarly, the neon lit rest stop on a highway 100 miles from anything is a wayside shrine, a holy grotto. As we travel through the wilderness we find a place of respite, of recuperation. An oasis with some level of hospitality that you won’t find in the plains or steppes or mesas. Two fuel pumps and a shack with an assortment of snacks is the modern grotto of Our Lady of Lourdes. A resting point on a pilgrimage. A familiarity jutting out of a foreign world. A comforting reminder of what you are used to that makes you homesick. The cheap roadside motel that exists in an uncanny valley of imitating home, pantomiming domesticity. You can rest, but you are not home. In fact, you are only reminded of how far from home you are.

So I have compared Wal-Mart to a temple, rest stops to shrines. I have no doubt that anyone reading this could at this point discount me as a madman. But as I let these thoughts rattle and ramble around the neurons, I can vividly see these examples as sacred spaces, not by any innate virtue of the locales or management of these places, but merely by what they can represent to a generation that, on the whole is surviving in a world that is lacking in community driven social order, religion, and mythology. Based solely on casual observation, not necessarily ardent research, I see a world that is starving in spiritual terms. The past few generations, at least in America, have been failed by any given form of Christianity, which I will use as my example here based on the fact that it is supposed to be the dominant religion in the USA, and that I can’t in good faith try to account for how Judaism or Islam fares within their respective communities. (Though I would hazard they fare far better than Christianity given that they HAVE respective communities based both on matters of faith as well as cultural and ethnic commonalities among their members.)

The connotation, that Rorschach first response, that I think a lot of people have to the term Christianity is “straight whites.” And straight whites are starting to become the minority, insofar as more POC are starting to gain not just demographic prominence, but even prominence in media. And also that, as society starts to come to terms with non-binary and non-hetero genders and sexualities, the straight aspect is beginning to, publicly, decline. And Christianity, generally speaking, does not want to adapt to this at all. Many members of the Millennial generation and whatever arbitrary name for this newest generation has come up can very well be triggered by a church. That crucifix comes to mind and instead of any reflection on the sacrifice of a savior figure, all that can come to mind are recollections of discrimination, shame, punishment, etc., etc. I don’t think it a coincidence that since the days of Stonewall there has been marked increase in the interest of pagan studies (again, a conclusion based on casual observations, not ardent research. I work for a living, sadly). But it makes for this sound bite, that polytheism has grown along with polyamory. (I really do think it clever, let me have this.)

What do these conclusions sketch out? A people scrambling around, digging into ancient cultures and mythologies, some of which had been pronounced dead centuries ago, resurrecting deities in a hope that they’ll have power still. And many individuals find these deities and find they still have power. Others find not deities but practices, philosophies. Witchcraft, whether by Wicca or any other name, is ambiguous when it comes to naming any powers. The strength there is indeed in flexibility, in working with core concepts of mythological and spiritual thinking. Westerners still try to come to grips with Hindu and Buddhist philosophies, but that’s another can of worms. Short version being that there are individuals each finding their own sources of spiritual refreshment, but finding it very difficult to form communities. For the sake of an attempt at brevity I’ll just leave this point as no one in our generation(s) can just head down to the park district every Wednesday night and talk about how awesome Odin is. So while on an individual level we can survive spiritually, it is very difficult to get any kind of social validation of our spiritual accomplishments (which has historically been important for a society of individuals).

But what does this have to do with liminal spaces? What, pray tell CargoPantsMan, are you getting at?

Let’s go back to the anthropological use of liminality; a threshold, a ritual in-between experience. What is a ritual? It is a ceremony. It is a choreographed experience relating to a relevant myth. The purpose of a ritual being to put one in a mindset in accord with mythological thinking, with a mindset open to a transcendent experience. A ritual is meant to take you out of your day to day, domestic routines (rituals) and put you outside of all that “reality,” to put you in the company of your god(s)(esses)(ess). A ritual can be ecstatic, with the pounding of drums and yelling and singing and dancing and jumping, whether you’re on the savannah with the Massai or in an abandoned warehouse with ravers. A ritual can be boring, with sitting crossed-legged thinking about nothing or staring out on the ocean, where your daydreams spin out and in the complete absence of any outside stimuli you stumble upon god.

Our day-to-day lives, with their errands and economic concerns and social obligations and politics and so on are, in this sense preliminary. They are on this side of “the threshold.” A ritual is “liminary,” it is the threshold, the doorway to eternity, the gods, the powers. A ritual, and the temples and shrines and open air plains and stone circles which host rituals, are all doorways and pathways to a “postliminary” experience of the soul. To, for a moment, experience eternity, to realize and relive a spiritual slice of the infinite, the transcendent. To fast-charge our battery. Being human though, having a physical presence that needs to be fed, cleaned, cared for, we cannot stay there long. All rituals have a close, where we are to leave the way we came in and return to our “preliminary” lives, but changed! Having learned something, realized something, with new energy and fulfillment.

“When people sing, I dance. I enter the earth. I go in at a place like a place where people drink water. I travel a long way, very far. When I emerge, I am already climbing. I’m climbing threads. I climb one and leave it, then I climb another one. Then I leave it, and I climb another. When you arrive at God’s place, you make yourself small. You come in small to God’s place. You do what you have to do there. Then you return to where everyone is. You come and come and come and finally you enter your body again. All the people who have stayed behind are waiting for you. They fear you. You enter, enter the earth, and you return to enter the skin of your body. And you say A-a-i-i-e-e That is the sound of your return to your body. Then you begin to sing. The ntum-masters are there around. They take hold of your head and blow about the sides of your face. This is how you manage to be alive again. Friends, if they don’t do that to you, you die. You just die and are dead. Friends, this is what it does, this ntum that I do, this ntum here that I dance.” - From a description of a !Kung bushmen ceremony.

The liminal spaces that we experience these days. Those unsettling places and times where everything seems just a little off. The roadside diner, the dead mall, the quiet mega-store. These are places with heavy domestic associations of familiarity, safety, supplication of the means of our physical survival, yet they have tenuous similarities with sacred spaces from our collective past. Each has echoes that our primitive minds resonate with. Subtle aspects that bring about a “nostaglia of the soul.”

These liminal spaces ARE doorways, they ARE thresholds.

Except they open to a brick wall.

And that’s why we panic.

#liminal spaces #liminality #draft #brain noise #mythology #myth #sacred space #really just a draft #no research #untamed hypothesis

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deborahcastellano · 6 years

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[Rules of Exile] Rule No. 9: You Get What You Get and You Don't Get Upset

I'm leaving for Sicily on Friday. I'm grateful to go back to the Motherland I have never known, my exile so deep I only know her face from a glimpse in a movie. It's vague in my head, it's vague in my mother's head too. We imagine sketched outlines of churches, food that will be sort of familiar, a volcano . . . .somewhere. My sister remembers bright glimpses from her time as a flight attendant but nothing overly substantial. A wine she had liked when she still drank, a particularly pretty town. The details have lost their sharpness over time and have been replaced with a whirlwind of elementary school activities for her son.

It's the first time we will travel, the three of us together in well over a decade without any husbands, children or our uncle. I am nervous about everything - the fact that I only know one phrase that I doubt will endear me to my estranged homeland, the amount of travel required to get there and get around there, being trapped on someone else's schedule for we will be on a little old lady tour, something I swore I would never do. It felt very far away for me, it still feels very far away despite being six days away. I'm not packed, Amazon boxes full of travel pillows, brita water bottles, homeopathic jet lag pills, pashminas, walking sandals that I'm trying to break in, space bags are strewn around my living room. It has not yet been a month since tax season ended, I'm still desperately running, trying to check off a never ending list of things that had been put off but now must be put on, I'm trying to keep up with going to the gym and meal prepping. I'm trying to read, I'm trying to write.

On one hand, in the words of the musical Pippin, "We could all use a change of scene." On the other, I'm exhausted still and as exciting as globe trotting will be and the memories that we'll be creating will last a lifetime and then some, Jow also just finished school for the semester and kicked ass and took names on his final and has an awesome GPA. I haven't really had much time with him in a year. It's hard to leave just when I'm starting to have time for my various practices. It's hard to want to run a marathon when I just want to sleep still.

In our office, we often say "Timing is everything". The timing on this is not great, but I'm pretty sure that if I didn't do my best to open myself up to this experience (though it will be difficult for me, honestly because that's not something I naturally excel at), I would have a lot of regret about that.

Exile is all about doing our best to make the best of whatever we have because it may be fleeting, it may be taken from us, it may be destroyed. My moment to feel sexy in my body didn't come at a pole class, as you may recall. It would be the obvious moment, the easiest, the most GIRLPOWER. But exile doesn't often work that way. Exile often works more like the Universe, who can be a capricious bitch. It's her right to be a capricious bitch but it's my right as a Queen in Exile to find the thread of my narrative.

As Sister Queens in Exile, we do get what we get because . . .we all do. It doesn't matter if we are Queens of countries, getting in and out of limos or Queens of a tiny desk domain where we have warlords to answer to or Queens of our households with tiny children constantly staging coupes. It doesn't matter how big your Queenship is or how tiny. We all struggle, we all cry, we all strive, we all fall, we all hurt, we all laugh. Getting upset will happen, but if we're perpetually stuck in a loop of hurt feelings, anger, disappointment, depression, anxiety and other hamster wheel emotions, how can we take control of our Exile? The phrase you get what you get and you don't get upset is missing the secret second half, probably because it's unwieldy: You get what you get and you don't get upset but you don't have to accept what you've received as the end point of your adventure. Branch out a bit. Get outside your head. Figure out other choices. Ask for what wasn't given. Accept that it may still not be given. Figure out how to get it yourself. Get into a staring contest with the Universe because fuck her sometimes. Your mother isn't always right and neither is she. Take some calculated risks. Keep doing different things even if it feels like putting your face in a blender. Keep doing the things you are already doing, keep perfecting them even if they will never be perfect. Princess Margaret would break down and fuck up but she figured out how to work a door knocker, goddamnit. So will you.

So I asked the intertubes for advice. I thought power thoughts about it. I tried to make a bigger point to wear lipstick. I tried a new kind of yoga (I call it pod yoga because of all the blankets, but it's called svaroopa). I kept kicking my own ass at the gym. I made offerings. I worked to be more present in my body. I pitched for Llewellyn's annuals like I've been doing since 2014. I kept trying to pry open my heart like an oyster shell. I even looked into a series of beginner classes at the studio for a very reasonable price taught by the woman who taught Xtina who would "gently kick my ass" as per Xtina. Because I'm going to learn to lift my back foot.

But I finally felt sexy and present in my body in a place I didn't expect. The triumverte was going to try floatation tank spa therapy. I felt some trepidation because we are very anxious creatures. Also, everyone kept inopportunely getting their periods so that we kept having to reschedule. That day I was tired, the night before hadn't gone as planned either and it had taken a toll on me attempting to navigate my way through it. Despite many obstacles along the way, it was a life changing experience for me. Floatation has changed a lot, you can keep your pod door open, there's lights in the pod, a rest for your neck and good earplugs. It had been redesigned into a sleek spa experience meant to help with sports injury (which I was sporting) and help you sleep better instead of forcing you to chase after your spirit animals. Also the shower products smelled really good and the shower was huge and posh and private. Now having been relieved of the expectation of having a claustrophobic forced magical experience, naturally I wanted to turn off the pod lights, shut the pod door and track down my goddesses. The floating itself was really fun and at first it was it was a bit terrifying because I got turned around in my pod and lost track of my light switch and door so naturally, I figured I was going to die in there or worse, need an assist out. But I found the light switch and oriented myself. I started to get bored, so I started counting my breaths and then that was boring too so instead I started softly greeting my goddesses and then mantra ing to some of them and oh holy shit, it was like the snowglobe effect of being in a Dianic circle but magnified by like a thousand. Awesome! I can work with this. I generally think entirely in words, so I was excited to receive a vision of how to arrange my new crystals on my body that were procured for me by my friend Sharon. This is already way more fun than I was expecting! As I kept mantra'ing, I felt my "phone call" (as one of my mentors would call it) be picked up by Shakti. I had never worked with Shakti directly, more like specific pieces of her but I knew it was her. The Universe. All of my goddesses squished together for a hot minute to get through to my tiny ant brain. She connected me directly to my teeny tiny bitty piece of The Divine Feminine (TDF) and oh holy shit, it was very real in my little pod. I felt sexy, I felt present in my body, I felt my root chakra light up like a freaking Christmas tree. I ran my hands over my body, for once not self conscious or dismayed, but pleased and satisfied with the shape under my hands. When my session ended, I emerged on shaky feet to shower off and to try to pull myself together enough for seafood and sangria and pretend to just be normal.

Since then, I've continued to work on getting centered and comfortable in my body and like anything else, there are good days and bad days. Days where I feel like an Amazon goddess, days where I shove food in my face without thinking, days where I dodge the gym, days where I push myself until I'm panting in the fake grass in the gym in a facepant, days where I admire my own ass in the mirror, days where I look at my tummy and despair. It goes on and on and it will until I'm in my pod/coffin in the ground.

I got what I go. I'm trying to use it. I'm trying to not be upset. I'm trying to step outside the boundaries I've drawn for myself and have been drawn into. You should too, Sister Queens. With whatever your current exile struggle is. It's hard af but it's worth it.

Most days.

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clickairadio · 3 years

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CAIR 29: Interview Blake Nubar - Get A GRIP on Your Business Numbers

One simple hack to increase your revenue. In this episode we discuss how to increase your revenue through your business numbers.

Grant Hi everybody this is Grant Welcome to another episode of ClickAI Radio. In this episode, I have the opportunity to discuss with the infamous Blake nubar on how to get a grip on your business numbers.

Everybody, welcome to another episode of click AI radio. This is Grant Larsen, I cannot tell you how excited I am today to have a visitor here with me someone that I've been dying to interview for a long time. I have really admired this man and what he's done. Blake nubar.

Blake I appreciate you having me here, man. It's a pleasure. I'm ready to have some fun and and thanks for having me on the podcast.

Grant Thanks for taking the time to do this. You know, I've chased you for some time, right? Just keep trying to track you down wherever you are on the planet, right? Trying to get a moment of your time. But thanks so much for doing that. In fact, I was remembering the first time that I met you. I happen to actually be sitting right next to you, right. And it was at a funnel hacking live. And I think it might have been the first one that I ever went to. And I'm sitting next to you. And we're just chatting for a minute. And then you were so humble all sudden, they're like, Blake nubar, please come up to the front. They call yell, I'm like what the heck, you had won this award for everything you've done to the business. How cool is that?

Blake Yeah, it was wild, I would award the growth on that thing was insane. Actually, that was on the product. And that was really cool. And yeah, I remember sitting next to you specifically. And I was like, Wait, are you Steve's Dad?

And you're like, yeah, I'm Steve's dad. I'm like, man, he talks about you all the time. Like in such an awesome way. It's fine. Nice to meet you. So, ya know, collecting the first is my first time walking across stage getting the the two comma club award. And that was done with an online business that it was called the b2b formula. I was working with a guy named Brian page on that. We kind of started that thing from ground zero type thing. Brian had a he had a course out really. But you know, wasn't making sales didn't know what a funnel was. All that good stuff. And we kind of like teamed up, you know, and we found each other through this thing. We started building this thing out. And you know, next thing you know, by implementing funnels and getting the right traffic sources in place. We did a million dollars in 43 days with that offer. And we were there at that funnel hacking live collecting that award that was actually here in Orlando, Florida, I believe, which is funny enough, because it's back here again, this year in 2021. Which should be exciting. So yeah, that that was a it was an exhilarating experience. A lot of crazy stuff happened. But on all Yeah, crazy to like help grow a business like that.

Grant I think about how you got started, I've heard a little bit of your origin story. But could you just take a moment to talk about how did you get started into this? Yeah, so

Blake Um, that my whole online journey and my funnel journey is different. My funnel journey is probably more applicable for this. So I was working in the nine to five, I was working in a fitness company. And we were working on building out this certification program for people that want to become personal trainers. If you want to become a personal trainer, you had to pass this exam. It's just like a standardized thing that you have to do. I don't know if it varies from state to state, maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. But we're building out the certification. And we want to like really go all in on this thing. So we spent we like really transformed how a training program should be. And we like we finished this thing. Like, it was crazy worth like nine months on this thing. It was a ton of time, but it was it was awesome. I had like a mobile app. It was this book. It was an online program and like all 360 views and amazing product. And we go and I hand it over to the marketing department and I'm like, Hey guys, like we're ready to rock and roll and start selling this thing and I almost like hand over the torch and they just couldn't sell it. Like nothing was moving and I just remember getting frustrated cuz I'm like, hey, like, Why is this not working? Like I thought that's your job. You're supposed to like market this stuff now and they're like driving traffic to like a website just like nothing was working. And I remember go I went home one night. And I was like frustrated Of course and I'm sitting there it's like three in the morning. I'm staring at my ceiling fan. And on my laptop on my on my bed. So I just remember pulling it open and looking through it. And I see this ad Come up. And I just remember the ad it just said weird marketing experiments to increase traffic conversions and sales online. I'll never forget the saint of it. And it's this crazy guy on it. His name is Russell Brunson. I had no idea who he was. And he was just like, full of energy. So I clicked on this ad. And next thing I know, I went in in a sales funnel. I didn't know I was in a phone, I thought I was on a website. But lo and behold, I was in a sales funnel.

And it's basically Russell just being like, you want to grow a business online, you want to start a business, you need a funnel, you need a funnel, and he's like, going through all these different types of funnels. And I remember I was like, so intrigued by it. I was like, a 90 minute presentation, and I was so captivated. I remember, I watched it. Again, I watched it twice. So I watched this thing twice. It's like six in the morning, I go straight into the office, I started sketching out a funnel on the board, and the marketing department like, what are you doing, man? I'm like, I know how we're gonna sell this. We're gonna use a sales funnel, like, what's the sales funnel? And I'm like, I don't really know yet. But this guy Russell talks about it. And I think I think this is how we can sell this thing. So I start sketching this thing out. I call up one of our celebrity trainers, who is like the poster child of this brand new certification. I'm like, hey, so and so we need a webinar. Like I bought the perfect webinar stuff. I sent it over to him, he like records this webinar, he sends it back like a week later, I build my first funnel out ever inside of clickfunnels. I put this thing in, and I go to the marketing department say, Hey, guys, instead of like what you were doing, just drive traffic, I do what you do, but just send them to this thing here. And they're like, Alright, so they send people there. And people start often. And people start watching this thing, right? When we go deliver the offer. No one buys like not a single person purchase this thing. webinar ends, we're done. I go outside. I'm like, I'm like Kirsten to myself. I'm like, Oh, another fail What idea. And I remember how like one more last, like lackluster hope of trying to get this thing to work. And I walked back inside. And I just went to my computer and I clicked on the refresh button. And we made our first sale for like, it was like 797 bucks like $800. And I went nuts. And it's like I this Russell stuff works right funnels work. And I walked in the next day and I quit. And I set out on this journey for the for the next year of trying to understand how you know, basically the science of selling stuff online, like funnels and offers and messaging and all that good stuff. And the rest is history.

Grant One sale. That's amazing. That's it.

Blake There's no I think that's one thing I think a lot of us will relate to. And if you if you haven't relate to yet, you know, some people are watching and listening, they have it. The one thing I think a lot of people will tell you is that when you make your first ever sale online, whether it's $5 or 500, there's this feeling that happens where you just like there's no turning back, I want more of this experience again and again and again. Yeah,

Grant Yeah. I love that, that so so your secret sauce as a business owner, it sounds like it's a combination of things. One, you stuck with this clearly right? And it took lots of tries to do. But I've watched you build from that, because I've seen some of the things you've created since then, which is just incredible. I think you've really been perfecting the art of the launch the product launch. He talked about that for a moment. Yeah.

Blake So anytime you have a really creative idea, right? I'm never an advocate anymore. I used to be right of building it out first and then launch it. And I've kind of flipped that on its head. Now it's more like launch it first and then build it out. Because a lot of things that prohibit entrepreneurs from moving forward that stopped them in their tracks as they think they have to go build out these products and services first. And it's really difficult, right? There's a lot of friction in that. And almost it's like a recipe to fail and quit and give up and not want to do it again. So I'm more of a fan of See if you can go sell the idea that you have first and then go spend the time building it out. So anytime we have an idea, what we like to do is really go really hard in the paint, when it comes to launching because launching is definitely it's the way to prove your concept. It's the way that it gives you the short term capital to inject into building the process and fulfilling on it. And even putting more even gives you the capital you need to put into evergreen strategies like paid media and things like that. So we're just like what we do really well here my business partner and I is that we when it comes to a new idea, we really like to watch hard and aggressively like we like, we don't just like to send an email. We don't like to just make a Facebook post or a couple ads. Let's say we like to be the loudest people in the room where by the end of it, I'm hoping people look at me and like man, that Blake nubar dude, he's super annoying, because then I knew we did a good enough job because you couldn't escape us during that launch. So launching is one of those things where it's like, it's you got to become a master of it. Like you have to know how to do it. But you never want to stay in it. It's like learn how to launch and then learn how to move that stuff to the Evergreen model where it just keeps producing for your business day in and day out. So watching is it's it's something you have wasted you have to learn it you have to become really good at it and There's so many different types of launches you could do honestly, it's like, fall one of the frameworks and put your idea into that framework and then just see how it does and see if the markets willing to judge and pull out their credit cards to pay for it.

Grant Are there certain social media platforms that you tend to focus on for your launches? Yes, so we, I'm a fan of Facebook.

Blake I like have this love/hate relationship with Facebook, because it's like, as much as as great of a place it is, it's like you have very little control as an advertiser. So Facebook's a really good spot we enjoy. I think the all our biggest launch we've ever done was only by utilizing Facebook, which is crazy, right? It's just because Facebook to me is the hub. Like if you're on social media, you're on you have Facebook, on your phone, or you use Facebook, you might have the other ones too, you might have like tik tok and Instagram and all the other ones. But Facebook is definitely the core. So I'm like, Okay, let's focus on Facebook, which a reason behind that was a we didn't want to get overwhelmed. I didn't want to like every additional platform, you have to like fake have to. It's just more stuff you have to create. It's different type of content you have to create because the platforms have different ways of posting and stuff. So we're just like, let's do Facebook. That's our favorite. But now as we've expanded the business, and we've grown, we really focus on Facebook and Instagram, those are kind of the the two big honey holes, I would say when it comes to it. We do email marketing and things like that. But it's really Facebook and Instagram, because like I said, that's where every I mean, everyone's on Facebook, I mean, and you take it literal ticket, figuratively, the world's on Facebook. So what better platform to use, and the one where everyone's kind of congregating.

Grant Okay, that's awesome. So you know where you're going to find your people. So you grew this business and you become expert at launches and launches. And you got to a certain point in your business, there was some time or place or condition you got into Lake where it led you to reach out and try to track down someone like myself, what were those conditions?

Blake Yeah, so I remember, you know, the business was growing, we were doing really big revenue numbers. And I remember when I was working with Brian, right, previously, I remember, he had a consultant that was really advocate about understanding your data. And I didn't get it at first, I'm just like, What does any of this stuff mean? And as you really start to see, when your business grows, if you don't have a grip on the numbers, you're kind of in trouble. And I remember we were getting to a point where our revenues were, you know, high six figures every month. And I'm just over here. And I remember I think I reached out to I don't know, if I reached out to Steve, or Steve reached out to me. But I remember one instance happened in regards to conversations like, you need to talk to my dad. And I'm like, he knows this stuff. And he's, it seems like it's what he does. And I'm like, Okay, done deal. And the reason I reached out to you is because I realized that in order for your business to have a grip on it to have a pulse on what it's doing to scale it right with predictability. You're you have to understand these numbers, and especially having understanding numbers in a way where you can make really educated decisions based on that data. See, most entrepreneurs, when you're first getting started, you let your intuition guide your decisions. That's great. Like you have a gut reaction. Oh, this is a cool idea. Let's go watch it. But as that thing works, you need to use less intuition and more data to kind of guide where you want to go. Now, if you want to develop new products sure where your intuition run wild, right. But when you want to make really educated decisions on growing your company and what different verticals to go after what different traffic sources, it should no longer be this game of guessing right, which a lot of entrepreneurs start making the mistake of it's like I touched one thing it turned to gold, we think we can touch some more turns to gold. And it usually always backfires. It has to be the data. So I started thinking, Okay, I don't want to make that same mistake where it's like you think you're the end all be all, and everything you're gonna do is going to be magical. It's not, who can I contact that knows data because I'm staring at this stuff. And I it's like a foreign language. I'm like, looking at like, I don't even know, but I'm just staring at these. And I'm like, this is this way too much data here. And like, no one had a really easy way of organizing it so led me to contacting you. And that's kind of where things began.

Grant That freaked me out at first and I'm like, Oh, yeah, we're gonna do some AI on this. That just sound weird to you.

Blake Yeah, I was just like, you know, I've heard of AI before. And like my geeky brain can like understand it to an extent. But I'm like, I have no idea what you're talking about. Grant, just do your magic because this sounds crazy to me still.

Grant Alright, so it's important to you to understand your business numbers, like you said, so that you can figure out some predictability. It helps you what influenced some of your planning or your next like, if you don't know your numbers in your business, right?

Blake You can skate, you can look you can get to you can just run a start a successful business and grow it to an extent flying blind. Like you can do that. You could you know, you can get a little lucky. You can have something that's pretty stable. But if you really want to grow your business and you're wondering why you're capping out and everything, your tribes not working, there's a good chance you have no idea what your numbers are, right? So if you really there's I don't know another Way to scale a company then by really understanding your data, because when you understand your data, you know, what's converting what's working, what's not. And you can focus more energy on the things that are working and put more money behind those, hence, scaling those. And like kind of divesting out of things that aren't working so well. And the only way to do that is to really have a grip over the data inside of your business, which honestly, is probably the last thing entrepreneurs do, right? Because it's just so overwhelming. You just like the one thing you want to avoid. But I can't express at least in the last few months, how much I like realized how important it really is, to having a grip on it and what it can do for your business. It's the difference maker in your business.

Grant Okay, that's, that's awesome. So when you got started working with us, how much did you have to know about AI? That, were we shoving it down your throat? We're like, hey, learn logistic regression. Come on Blake.

Blake Great, I had no idea of anything you you you had, like, I knew nothing going into it. And I still didn't have to know that much. Because working with you, you're able to articulate the data in a way my brain my, you know, kindergarten brain could understand with pictures and awesome things like that. So going into it. No, I knew absolutely nothing. I didn't have to know anything, which was great. Because you knew exactly how that data worked. You knew how to show me and you basically just were withdrawal. You're like, this is what this means. I'm like, I understand that instead of me trying to figure out what to do. Or the guess is it literally taught you told me what, on this day or this time or after a holiday or before holiday or during this season? Or during this quarter? This is what you should do? and not do. I was like, I can understand that. So it was simple.

Grant So let me ask you about that in terms of ways to make something like this easier for a business owner. Now that you've gone through this experience, what would be some some tips that you would share with others to help them in their journey going through this?

Blake Yeah, just look, data is one of those things. Again, I can't stress it enough anymore. And I don't think many people geek out on it. Like, the thing is, always have a grip on your business when it comes to the numbers, because then you can have the ability to have someone like grant come in and help and help you and show you on what to do with those numbers. Right. Having those numbers is great. You might tell me all day, I know my conversions in my business. And I know, I know my opt in rate. And I know this grants the person that can tell you what that really means and what to do with it. And that's the difference. Because it's one thing, knowing about the numbers, the next is being able to take action on what that data means. And if you look at most things, right? There's every software on this planet will tell you numbers, right, here's your conversion rate, here's your OPT in rate, here's what won the split test. But there's another layer after that. And that was like that was what I was really impressed working with you is that you were the second layer, you were the the team that came in, I was like, Hey, this is what this means. That's great. But this is what it means to do with it. So I would advise anyone, that's whether you're just getting going or you're looking to grow your business, start to get a little grip on your numbers, because then you're able to, you know, work with someone as amazing as grant to help you really scale those numbers by making those decisions.

Grant Blake, you've been more than generous with your time with us today. I really appreciate that. Thank you so much for doing this. Any final tips or comments to people who are starting to grow their business? Yeah, so starting to grow your business, always make sure a I'll start from the beginning, you're gonna solve a big problem, right?

Blake Find a big problem, if you find out that you're capping a lot, right? There could be a lot of reasons, like I said, data could be one of them. But just remember, like, solve really big problems, right? Because then it's gonna give you room to grow. And as you start growing, get a real grip on those numbers. Because seriously, there's no other way to scale. You can't scale a business without that predictability. And having that predictability is going to give you the chance to grow your business on a whole new level. Again, understanding what those is and work yourself like grant or some this AI technology. That's absolutely amazing, right? It tells you exactly what to do in order to make those decisions. So no longer do you have to guess anymore. I mean, we've been guessing our whole lives as marketers with split testing and things like that. It's amazing to know that you can go into situations right where the data is, this is kind of how this is how it works. And these are the these are the ways you need to react based on that on on all that information. So that's my final words. I know it's more like this is the geek mind going but solve big problems, get a grip on your numbers and then find a way to take that those numbers and use them to make those decisions to grow your business on a whole new level.

Grant Hey, thanks again, Blake for joining us. And thanks everyone for listening in. Until next time, get a grip on your numbers.

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