#I don't even use them though
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My kpop trash bin life journey
I am not lying to anyone, there was a big period of my life where I was deep into kpop. I would even call it unhealthy, but I want to share it. Though, in all honesty I hope no one was like me.
My journey started all the way back to 2011, my very first kpop group was big bang. My mother was actually the one who introduced it to me saying that I should listen to kpop. I think she just wanted to talk about it with someone though… Anyway, the first kpop song for me was Haru Haru by Big Bang. That pineapple lives in my memory very vividly to this day.
Since my first song was from Big Bang you would think they would be my first group, right? Wrong, I was so over my head for Girl’s Day, Apink, Girl’s Generation, and Cnblue. It became around this time that I started to get more interested in Korean variety shows as well as the culture in general. I started watching shows like Running Man, Infinity Challenge, We Got Married, and so on. I would say I was pretty healthy during this time too; I didn’t obsess over any of these idols either. I’m pretty sure I followed other groups I can’t remember right now too.
Another 2 years go by and now it’s 2013, my mom discovers BTS, she falls in love, but so do I. I find them to be pretty interesting. Still, I prefer the groups I had previously mentioned a little bit more. I started to become interested in Exo and I rekindled that Big Bang flame too. Then flash forward to 2015, the start of my madness.
In 2015, I would fall in love with Seventeen, Twice, and the SM Rookies (NCT before they became NCT). This was when I learned more about fan culture among the kpop community. Before this year, I never thought I would want to order any albums because it just wasn’t a thing back then for people living overseas. What I mean by that, was how it wasn’t as easily accessible as it is now. Despite wanting albums, I was doing alright, or so I thought.
2016 came rolling in and I felt the need to support every group I followed, and I will list them all out for you below:
Twice
Exo
BTS
NCT
Apink
Girl’s Day
CNblue
Day6
Astro
Seventeen
BtoB
KNK
Victon
SF9
Sistar
I’m not lying I felt like I needed to support everyone, and I did very successfully just that. I wrote down when each of their comebacks would come out, I followed their socials and so on. If there was anything any of these idols had been you bet, I was going to be watching them. Now, if you’re wondering about my life, don’t worry. At this point I was in school, and I never slacked when it came to grades. So, no one in my family said anything.
I lived this life all the way up till 2018, which is not healthy. I love kpop, but by the middle of 2017 I felt like I needed to support them. BTW I had added more groups to this list as well. Going back to the feeling of needing to support them, it was unhealthy. I was obsessed, I was a dumpster of kpop and nothing more. I didn't think that way though. I was like, I’m so happy I know so much about kpop. I know everything that’s going on at the moment in the kpop world.
Of course, my health wasn’t that way. I spent several hours watching kpop, even if there weren’t any subtitles. I even bought products they endorsed. I even went to kcon which wasn’t all that exciting as I expected it to be. The only thing I don’t regret was the concerts. I felt that if I didn’t support them in this way, I didn’t have the worthiness to call myself a fan. Which is not true in any way. Now what was so wrong with this life? Well, I didn’t pay attention to myself. I realized my whole personality and life was centered around kpop and not who I was as a person. Let that sink in for a moment.
I had to take one good look in the mirror and see who I was. I was someone who knew more about kpop than their own self. Now, I’m not blaming kpop, I have only myself to blame. I should have paid more attention to myself. I know that now and I don’t get carried away like I used to. Now, I dress up, go out and I know who I am. It took me two years of limiting my kpop intake. Man, I sound like I had an addiction.
So where am I now?
I watch kpop, but I’m nowhere near as invested as I was back then. I still have my groups like Astro, Twice, and SF9, but I’m satisfied. I don’t feel the need to watch everything they do, nor do I feel the need to do anything I was like before. I think those three groups are the only ones I constantly check up on.
What I’m trying to say is don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t feel like you need to watch everything your fave is in. Also, I used to be one of those people who wouldn’t listen to mainstream pop because I was like “ew gross” which is totally not true. I see some people like that these days and I think you need to understand everyone has their own music tastes.
In the end, you don’t breathe and live for your idol. Don’t spend hours upon hours watching content on kpop. Take a look at yourself and see who you know more about, a kpop idol or yourself. If kpop is the one thing that makes you happy, please find something else. I trust you that it’s going to make your life a lot better. Well, that’s all I have to say and I hope those of you who made it this far found this interesting to gaze upon.
#kpop#I was a mess#twice#seventeen#bts#sf9#astro#my journey#nct#apink#I miss old kpop music#is it just me who had this experience#I low-key hope so#I have a lot of kpop merch now#I don't even use them though#that's a lie#I actually use the albums a lot#y'know to listen to music
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y'know i don't draw the light world versions enough
#deltarune#kris dreemurr#kris#lancer#rouxls kaard#yeah i'm tagging them even though they're cards idc#art#doodles#deltarune fanart#fanart#artists on tumblr#digital art#i wasn't going to draw their eye but i doodled it and thought it looked cool af so i'm keeping it#cuz i don't draw their eyes enough either#kris CANONICALLY only uses they them pronouns if u disrespect this i will kill you (block you)#they're not swatch it's not a matter of opinion They Literally Are Nonbinary!! Gun Emoji !!!!!
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The girls are plottinggggg
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen chao#wang lingjiao#Realizing she was supposed to have an upper lip mole was a cold slap in the face. So sorry ma'am. I won't forget again.#They are evil dumbass 4 evil dumbass and I think we are all missing out on the sheer potential of the comedy between these two.#They have way too much power and are using it for the wrong reasons - which makes them truly great villains.#And when things don't go their way they become piles of whining sludge.#Wang Lingjiao is forever fascinating to me even though we only get crumbs about her.#She's a servant girl who's greatest asset is her beauty and her attractiveness.#Meaning she's had a life being in the gaze of people with significant positions of power over her.#I can't help but read her childishness and petty tantrums as someone who has finally been given the chance to not feel powerless.#If she was a more virtuous type we might 'like' her more but honestly...I don't think she would have survived to this point.#WLJ has only known power hierarchies her whole life. Probably accused of seduction before she even understood what that meant.#I love contrasting her with mianmian because they have similar(ish) backgrounds but different approaches to moving forwards#But WLJ's story is about flying too close to the sun and mianmian's is about going too close to the water.#Like the sea mist dragging her down into complacency - all the sect powerplays are mandatory to 'go along with' if she wants to climb-#-the social ladder. Yet she is the cautionary tale (and a foil to JGY as well) she leaves before sacrificing her own morals.#Mianmian flies away with her wings only slightly plucked while those who sacrificed everything to reach for the top crash and burn.
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it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.
yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.
it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.
how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.
chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?
how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.
"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.
i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.
#writeblr#warm up#i can't write rn but i have SO much words in here bc im reading the chorus of dragons books#(just started book 4)#and this woman's writing is just LIVING in my brain. let me out!!!#(i read roughly like 2-4 books a week usually bc i go on long walks with my dog but when a book is REALLY good like. it eats my life. )#anyway ...... so like here's a story that idk i've tried to explain to other people as being wild#but maybe im the only one who thinks it is wild???#so i play pokemon go (i just started in jan) bc i love pokemon and as i have mentioned i walk goblin for like an hour in the morning#and i don't like a lot of fitness trackers due to the fact it makes me .sad. but i also wanted the little digital rewards. enter pokemon go#anyway so they make you make friends to complete quests. so i used a reddit thread. i do not usually use reddit. i don't have an acct#i lurked. i just googled like ''pokemon go reddit '' and randomly added a bunch of numbers#i was on that page for all of 15 minutes. there are THOUSANDS of responses on that page.#here's what's wild: in that group of people. even though i am not on reddit and it was one random event once#it turns out one of those people lives in the town i live in. or at least very close. i only know this because#when we send each other gifts. it's from the same freaking area.#i can't ask them to meet up bc pokemon go doesn't have a messaging app lol but like . what are the fucking chances that#a random person posts in a random reddit thread and HAPPENS to get added by someone ELSE from their SAME TOWN#who by pure fucking CHANCE is ALSO playing pokemon go and looking for friends#i googled it there's only 42000 people in my broad region. the .......... smallness ! of the world!!!
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Chewtoy (Patreon)
#Doodles#Handplates#UT#Fellplates#Gaster#Papyrus#Sans#Squeeze him - he makes a squeaky toy noise#Everyone needs to bite Gaster! He doesn't yield like flesh so it probably doesn't even hurt right? Yeahhhh he'll be fiiiine#There is something very funny to me about him just sitting there and taking it tho lol - feeds into his martyr play ♪#As if I don't already have a favourite martyr hmmm don't worry about it lol#What was he even doing why is he just letting 2-P bite him lol#Socialization? That's not a good thing to just let him do! He's still got a young mind! Boundaries are important#He does offer a way out - hehe ♫ - but he doesn't enforce it! You're setting them up for failure#Hehehehe#The bone gift was fun to doodle hehe ♪ He leaves it with him and it goes completely untouched while his arm is covered in teeth-marks pfft#Even with Papyrus a bit more unruly I still like to imagine he acts mean in largely harmless ways haha#Like yeah he's being naughty and biting when he knows better and offered other options - Gaster. Gentle enforcement - but he's not Hurting#He's not using his entire bite force - probably lol or he's just got weak little baby bites (though those can be quite painful!)#Sans on the other hand would absolutely go 100% full power - and still only do 1HP lol what an unfortunate design quirk for him#If only he had a jaw he could open! He'd bite the heck outta Gaster! Alas#I do like to imagine Fellplates!Sans has just fast-tracked to classic's conclusion of ''You suck and I hate you. Die'' about Gaster lol#Even the possibility of not being mean to him is so alien! What do you /mean/ not hurt you?? Do you know who you're talking to??#He'll find another way to mess with him in good time haha
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#noivern#one of my all-dragon team's staples! thus i have a soft spot for this pokémon. not really for any other reason than that#just a cool badass design. big bat dragon. objectively badass#though i think it should be a dragon/dark type instead of dragon/flying. hydreigon typing#also hi it's me from the future. a few hours before this posts. i just want to complain a little bit#about how fucking difficult this is getting now that i'm getting into alolan forms in the queue#i don't. fucking. know how to use blender. this is kicking my ass. i spent like two hours this morning just trying to get those alolan form#working. and i didn't even successfully do that for two of them#so if you like alolan forms i am Really sorry but they are not gonna be up to par for the production value i have set for myself on this#blog. i've fuckin doomed myself by getting this much of a following and i know i can't get away with the same shit i used to#be able to so like. just fuckin bear with me please it's turning into a whole wreck here in the future in gen 7
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sorry im emotonal and going off of the other asks sent about machete and just i need to stress how beautiful it is to me that machete sees himself so undeserving of love and affection and feeling as if vasco's too good for him but despite all that he is so incredibly devoted to vasco and loving towards him (in his own way) but is so incredibly clear to anyone with eyes that just how in love he is with vasco. like it's not done out of a "oh god please never realize that you're too good for me here here let me overdo it with the affection" its done with the "i love you, and will always love you, no matter what happens to us or separates us, and i will give it to you as long as i am able, and if you ever leave, i won't be okay, but will still love you, and want you happy". like he doesn't use his own feelings of being undeserving taint his love or the way he loves for vasco, and it's so, so beautiful
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#;M;#oauhh#that's so sweet I'm in shambles and so glad to hear all of that#sometimes I worry about whether I'm communicating their chemistry correctly#it would be so easy for this sort of relationship to gain suffocating and possessive and overall just abusive tones#and even though you could argue it would be a source for juicy drama I just don't want that#Machete could selfishly exploit Vasco's care and altruism without giving anything in return#or worse let his paranoia and jealousy get the better of him and end up destroying them both because if he can't have Vasco no one can#and Vasco could leverage his influence over Machete to manipulate and use him because out of them two he's the more mentally stable one#and it would be easy to take advantage of Machete's vulnerability obedience and his trust that Vasco would never harm him#but I don't know maybe it's a bit tropey and idealistic but I really just want these dogs to be genuinely good for each other#they have so many things working against them already I don't wish to see them backstab each other as well#they have a bit of a 'us against the world' thing going on which I really like#they're not perfect there's issues they're trying to work on but the will to get through it together is there#and I want to make it seem like they wouldn't hesitate to prioritize the other one's happiness and wellbeing at their own expense#if it came to that#anwered#anonymous
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#cats#outing myself once again as someone whos not attune whatsoever to human culture but - in all honesty I do not know#what 'psspsspss' means despite loving cats my entire life hghj.. I've just seen people online describe that as how you call a cat#but I have never in my life witnessed someone call a cat by making that noise or made that noise myself. I can't even think of an example o#it so I genuinely don't even know what that's supposed to be but. Included because I've seen it so much it must be something to someone#even when I was a kid I pretty much always just meowed to cats and tried to sound exactly like them or whatever meow I associated with them#obviously not literally saying “ME OW” but doing an actual cat meow. often times a kind of 'prrrow' sort of noise where you trill your tong#ue then lead into a softer vocal tone .. maybe like 'mrrrrauh' or something? Or sometimes just a trilling chirp immitating the#cat's ''mrrrrp'' they do sometimes. I used to mimic small kittens to get the attention of cats#with their like very high pitches squeky whine with a little bit of air out the nostrils at the end to imitate the sound of them having#tiny lungs that don't hold much air so with a long loud 'mew' it's sometimes a little strained near the end#Though usually I just imitate the cat that I'm around at the time. Sometimes I have done kind of a combination kissy lip sort of noise#tongue clicking. almost like tapping on the back of your front teeth with your tongue and sucking in. almost makes kind of a squirrel noise#ANYWAY... curiouse....
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Something I notice is the idea with transmasculinity and transmalehood is almost this idea that we had beauty that transition has vanquished, and I honestly never related to this pretransition.
Beauty was never afforded to me as somebody who was obviously neurodivergent and traumatized and weird. I was never seen as beautiful pretransition, and I knew that. Conversations about how desirable we "used to be" never rang true for me personally because I wasn't even given the opportunity to be "beautiful." I was never going to be included in that even if I were not trans, you know? Since transition, I know I'm desirable now, even if it is not in a conventional way. It's interesting how my masculine features are now embraced because people can actually register my maleness, when before, they would never.
Desirability is often used as a tool and a weapon on trans people. The idea of not being "desirable" is a punishment. It's just weird when you're the trans person who was never desired in the first place, and you know it.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#nonbinary#i specify transmasculine and transmaleness because it can be really overt that transphobes often interact with us with the idea that we...#...killed our 'female beauty'. i definitely don't think it's exclusive to us but it's something i take note of because i'm a trans man#it's just funny because i KNOW the transphobes who whinge about my lost beauty would have bullied me for my nose because it's not 'feminine'#or they'd mock my broad shoulers and the fact that i'm asocial and awkward. like it is very transparent#i read a friend who was saying that their beauty was used against them in an abusive way and it's something relatable...#...but it's Complicated at least for me. on one hand - i absolutely get that. on the other - i don't know what it'll be like to be Desirable#or Desirable like that. i find that even though i am desirable after transition people still interact with me in certain ways#part of me appreciates that but part of me is embittered that this is something i just can't ever shake#i think these conversations are interesting and sometimes important which is why i talk about it#i've just been thinking about this since reading what my friend went through (and my heart goes out to them - it was harrowing to read)
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For anyone else who is gonna struggle surviving the next 3 weeks with the angsty and tense situation of Callowmoore here's a few things from the last 2 episodes that I feel were underrated and will assist in trying to keep me sane/emotionally stable:
- Matching messed up hands built for holding
- Fearne nervously playing with her hair as she approaches Ashton
- Ashton wanted Fearne to be either the last thing they saw if they died or the first thing they saw when they succeeded
- Fearne's admittance corroborates Ashley's 4SD revelation that Fearne is in love with someone in the party but doesn't know how to process the emotions
- Fearne wanted Ashton to be happy, while Ashton wanted to feel whole so they would be worthy of the Hells
- Ashton twice tried to lead a search for Fearne, and instantly clocking onto Chetney saying he followed Fearne
- Fearne making herself look as radiant as possible before giving Ashton the cold shoulder
- Ashton only rose to Chetney's provocations until he said 'You hurt Fearne'
Use how you will
#godspeed my poor damaged psyche#critical role#bells hells#callowmoore#ashton greymoore#fearne calloway#fearne x ashton#ashton x fearne#strangely enough I don't enjoy having a dark and sad pit sitting in my chest day to day#3 weeks and we don't even get a cute M9 reunion in between to distract us? this was worse than Callowmoore's sistergate 3 week wait#also 'a little'? Sweetie people don't jump into lava for a little you got the big L and it's not Lesbian(s)#Feel like Laudna was a bit cruel this ep (Ash has been there for her a ton and she kinda villainized him) but we'll put it down to Delilah#much of Ashton's trauma has been overlooked or left to them to internalize but still nobody has told them that they are loved#and Ashton Greymoore needs to be told they're loved! (by Fearne)#but yeah time for more positive mental scenarios that 99% won't happen (but when that 1% does ho boy)#couldn't have just had Fearne go 'no talking' and sleep on Ash's chest to hear their heartbeat as her touch soothes Ash's pain could we?#or final fight scenarios where Ludinus is a walking harness and Ashton tricks them into absorbing their titan powers so he'd explode#they could've even had a talk in the woods because they wanted to find her so bad but was not gonna test Imogen's patience#I for one though will have at least one where Ashton seeks out Mori for advice (Fearne too but separately)#Tal I need you to use all your romantic arsenal in the feywild (Percy's worst travel experience) to win back Ashley's beautiful faun girl#bonus prompts for 'You will always be perfect to me' and 'Promise you'll come back to me' they pop up often in my scenarios#taliesin jaffe#ashley johnson
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so have you heard about the ride kamens app game? seems like it's gonna be a twisted wonderland like game with all the riders being hot anime guys now, and it's also gonna be written by yuya takahashi and produced by naomi takebe (apparently it was in development before geats), with designs by the person who did sk8 the infinity, so take that for what you will
have you ever gotten the feeling that a piece of media came into existence just to appeal to you specifically, or
(brb preregistering immediately)
(as far as I can tell you play as an agent who maintains a secret superhero base for riders in the basement of the rider-themed cafe that you run with your butler, and there's some other plot stuff going on but honestly I'm way past sold at this point, this sounds amazing)
#ride kamens#joseimuke games are serious business#show us the henshin forms!!!!#time to overanalyze those silhouettes in the teaser and embarrass myself by not being able to figure out who anyone is#there is 100% a gaim at least#there's one i've convinced myself is w based on almost nothing#and this is assuming they're all main riders too which is probably not true#god i SHOULD recognize more but my mind is blanking super hard and i keep second-guessing myself#(i-is that kiva maybe? den-o? I CAN'T TELL)#i don't think there's a fourze though. the cowardice.#man this is officially a Thing™ now huh#like how in the 2010s monster high kicked off a trend of 'characters' high-school age kids wearing fabulous shoes'#now we have 'ensemble cast of glossy-haired anime boys loosely based on your favorite characters'#this is absolutely not a complaint. i want more and i want them to get even SILLIER.#(i enjoy the sanrio one as well although it seems to be more of a music video thing? i am. a little unclear on it)#god i'm just so pleased that this exists
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swatchvember: 90′s, rainy day, sleeping
cramming some of these prompts together to be silly <3 they spent a lot of time back then keeping some rich up-and-coming little salesman entertained, he’s one of their best customers. maybe you’ve heard of him...
#deltarune#swatch#spamton#swatchvember#art#doodles#swatchlings#queen#i didn't mean to go that hard on the first one but the colors were important i thought asdflkjdsf#um! ok to tag as ship :) even though it is not meant to be ship they are still just here for his wallet wjhbdfbhj#they're both . drunk. swatch gave him the bill and he paid and left and they nodded off because this is their joint they can sleep where th#where they want. except he intended to come back and when he did they were already conked out. so he just. ''hey thats a good idea'' >zzz#and nobody saw him! nobody saw him they just saw swatch. he falls out of view when he lays down in those booths so he just got to Stay There#... anyway they're plenty awake now ! 😂#regular spamton is a reprehensible little man but bigshot era spamton is just a little guy with big dreams and i would let#him sell me a vacuum cleaner#... that's reprehensible little man Affectionate. but still#i'm so cool i don't need to be drunk to forget how to count B) i just dont know how to count by Default!#before i forget if you see this pleas use they/them only when referring to my swatch ty!!!
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Bugs wheb you lift up a rock
#redlucas#will be the tag I'll use even though I don't quite ship them.. I think its cute tho#got embarassed from tagging both characters' names.. people would just see a silly crossover..
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MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 2 - Psyche Skills
Part 1 - Part 3
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#disco elysium#MDZS disco elysium au#jiang cheng#jiang yanli#yu ziyuan#While it's more in vogue to draw a character's skill roster tailored to them -#One of the more subtle details I love in DE is how some of the skill portraits parallel character portraits of people hbd associates with.#Theres somethine rather poetic to be said about how other people shape out thoughts and sometimes act as a 'voice' in our head.#How we are in part a collection of impressions other people left behind on us.#I am a huge Skillhead (Those are my friends! My party members! They love me! They have their own agendas and alliances!)#so of course a healthy portion of this AU is dedicated to them <3#the Int skills go basically unchanged from DE. Psy as well (with changes to a few quirks in voice).#Fys skills though...well...wwx is in a different body! Those voices belong to Someone Else.#Esp electrochem (MXY in this AU also partied to near death. WWX is withdrawing and craving substances he's never even heard of before)#While I personally don't fully subscribe to Volition Jean I *do* see Volition Jiang Cheng. The voice of your Not Brother keeping you afloat#All three of these parallels make me unbelievably sad. They are also both purple. Art is like that sometimes.#Empathy Jiang Yanli...oh man do I have a lot of thoughts about her. Disco fans Who Know....you can probably see what I'm cooking.#Authority is a really interesting skill in DE because *yes* its about power and intimidation - but it's also about finesse and respect#Titus Hardie and YZY both abuse *and* finesse how they establish their authority - in a way that leaves quite an impression.#2 more mdzs disco posts that I *need* to create and then I'm off to working on raffles <3
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My birthday was a couple days ago, and I got to see my bio dad for the first time in a while. He surprised me with the fact that I have a little half-sister, whom I've never met and who was adopted about two years back.
So, I wondered if any situations in BB mimic this or have a theme of "secret siblings" or "secret family"?
Sorry if this is a weird ask; this blog is honestly just such a cool little place and I love the way you approach the subject matter and take the flawed misogynistic foundation of the WC books and make them so much better (JUSTICE FOR BUMBLE!!!). I've also learned a lot about healthy and unhealthy relationships here and am really glad for your deep dives on Squilf and Bramble.
Thanks, Bones!
Not weird at all! I really like exploring all the little nooks and crannies of complicated familial dynamics. I think one of the untapped strengths of WC (that the writers seem to be unaware of) is how their MASSIVE cast allows them to present all sorts of unique dynamics. So I like to pick up on it, since they don't.
For secret siblings...
I'm pretty heavily leaning towards Ambermoon being adopted by Wildfur, as a surrogacy. Something feels correct about it. Especially since Icecloud is getting retooled into a post-Battle of the True Eclipse birth, and a major supporting character in AVoS-era stories as a friend of Alderheart.
Thinking about it, I should zoom in and expand this. Maybe have Icecloud, somehow, acquire forbidden knowledge that would invalidate the Queen’s Rights and he (transman) struggles with if he's going to use it to expose his parents as an excuse to help Ambermoon.
(Especially since Ambermoon and Icecloud are basically nothing alike. Amber is independent, bold, and vain. Ice is jessie pinkman big-hearted, disorganized, and deceptively meek if you look past his "chill" demeanor)
But that's wip-- there's also Breezepelt and the Three, who are going to have an actual friendship. In particular I can't unsee Breeze and Lion having a deep one. I know I commit the Cardinal Sin of borderline himbo-ifying Lionblaze in BB, but I can't help it.
Hollyleaf ended up nabbing a bunch of his most violent roles to make her villainous descent smoother narratively, so BB!Lionblaze's story ends up being more focused on Ashfur's abuse, comic relief with cats in other Clans (something that the very serious Jay and Holly have a hard time providing), and the emotional fallout of the big reveal and Bramblestar's turn on them. Breezepelt slots neatly into that.
They were friends. Lionblaze's whole life came down around the reveal, everyone looking at him and his siblings differently, like they're suddenly something terrible. Why can't we find a silver lining, Breezepelt? Why can't we call ourselves brothers if the whole world is going to do it anyway? So much is changing, but THIS doesn't have to, we will take their weapon and turn it to armor, my ally, my friend, my brother.
(and when Breezepelt is lashing out at the three because of the Dark Forest's influence, Lionblaze is there, taking the blows and trying not to give in to the impulse to send him flying with a single paw)
There's also Harespring and Kestrelflight of WindClan and Owlclaw of ShadowClan. All of them are from a single litter between Whitewater and Mudclaw. She was going to raise the three of them alone as ShadowClan cats, but when the sire was smote, Whitewater felt they were cursed.
She was able to give the oldest two to their bio-uncle, Torear, but the weather was so bad that day and the runt was so sickly and small that it surely would have killed him. I don't think Owlclaw ever finds out why his mother always treated him with suspicion, but it did mess him up horribly.
Over in BB!DOTC, Thunder Storm is getting more half-siblings earlier. Clear Sky and Falling Feather had two daughters-- Pale Sky and Tiger Sky.
I want to explore the way that the various stages of Clear Sky's life acted on his kids. How any little curiosity Thunder Storm had about the life he might have had if he wasn't abandoned is crushed by seeing kittens who weren't. How Clear's favoritism of his oldest child set the trio against each other from the start. How this idea of "love" is toxic yet intoxicating.
It feels good to be the golden child. The power it gives you over his sycophants is satisfying. To know you, and you alone, have what someone else craves. Problem is, that's conditional, and it's cruel.
What Thunder Storm learns from his time with his biodad is that Clear Sky is not his father at all. He's taught him exactly what he DOESN'T want to be. There may be similarities-- in temperament, in physical prowess (though BB!Thunder is three-legged, he's still ripped), in taste and senses. But Thunder Storm's father is Shaded Flower.
(BB!Gray Wing died in the first book, rescuing Shaded Flower from being trampled by a horse. Xey're a patron of wisdom, Shaded Moss is taking the role of fatherhood to Thunder)
His sister is Rainswept Flower. His mom is Bright Storm. If there was a bond he could have had with Tiger Sky and Pale Sky, it dies simply and cruelly on the knife they used to cut each other out.
Pale might have wanted to mend it, she was the gentler one. But she dies in the First Battle along with her mother. Tiger Sky is too stubborn to accept any help, should Thunderstar offer it, and Thunderstar isn't in the business of begging for others to like him.
Naturally I'm lowkey obsessed with them lmao. I need to make a BB!DOTC overviewww
#I have a perspective on half siblings colored by a dynamic in my family#The generation above me has two siblings who had an awful biodad and an amazing stepdad (who did officially adopt them)#And there was nothing ''natural'' or good about how one of them was obsessed with their biodad.#It was influenced by his surroundings and did nothing but drag an incredibly toxic man back into his sister's life#Over and over#But anyway the son used to tell me ''theres no half in siblings''#The daughter adored her halfbrother through the mother who raised them-- but was adamant that her biodad's newer kids were nothing to her#I guess I agree with the son. But not in the way he believes it#There's no half in siblings because you either Are. Or you are Not.#You have a shared experience with having that person as a parent or you don't. And that's what's unchanging.#It's not the blood; it's the sweat and tears. But anyhoo#Personal details of my life aside#Tiger Sky and Pale Sky are Clear's Dead Angel Fetus Children in-canon. I think that was Weird.#So instead I made them. Not. Dead angel fetus children....#They're characters now lmaoo#Better bones au#I think Tiger Sky (i call her Tigs in my head a lot) is one of my favorite kit saves ever though#She's not going to be from the last litter either. I haven't picked who the mom is yet but he does have even more#At least one of those is going to make a grab at power but um. Sparrow Heart will not react Well.#BASICALLY lads I'm cooking. My revamps of the DOTC characters basically write themselves because I am very fond of them.#Clear's youngest: ''OH I JUST CANT WAIT TO BE KI-"#Sparrowstar: ''-lled.''
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#David Tennant#Alec Hardy#Ellie Miller#Broadchurch#my gifs#Yes they're talking about something extremely serious.#But can you see soft way his eyes tenderly trace her eyes and just rest on her face like it's the best thing he could look at?#He spends so long just looking at her -- and she is so mindful of his comfort level and RARELY looks back when he's looking at her.#If he's looking at her she's always looking ahead or down or away.#Except if she needs to hold his gaze to get a message across. Like go make some tea. Or if they're both worried.#This reminds me -- she is so naturally instinctively understanding of him#We rarely hear her addressing him by name after the rant that falls out of him when he has dinner at her place in S1.#She gets that simply looking at someone while you're talking to them is enough. And you don't need to tack on their name on top of that.#Which astounded me actually! I wondered if Chris Chibnall had spent some time around an autistic person!#Because I feel EXACTLY like Alec does abt names! I hate names. I hate using them. It's so unnecessary.#I'm not as outspoken as him though so I use them when I can't get out of it. But I hate it and I hate ppl using my name.#That scene was ASTOUNDING I'm telling you -- it took my breath away to find my very specific struggle onscreen!#Anyway. Yeah. She doesn't bug him or insist even though to her it's second nature.#I bet you she's very good at coming up with pet names -- another thing my autistic brain shrieks at and sth I suspect Alec finds impossible#Oh Ellie -- beautiful beautiful adorable strong wronged Ellie!#Wronged by everyone except him <3#Well and a few others -- Mark was kind to her despite his pain. Brian never treated her badly that we know of.#I will always love them for that.#I wish Jack had survived -- I think he would've been kind too. Maybe she would've hidden in his store when it got too much.
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