#I did this so quick the font and color is just terrible
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#swedit#cassian andor#andoredit#starwarsedit#roedit#swsource#swedits#swandoredit#rogueoneedit#I did this so quick the font and color is just terrible#you heard the rumors from queue
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𝙻𝚊 𝚅𝚒𝚎 𝚎𝚗 𝚁𝚘𝚜𝚎
I siriusly don't know why I've chosen now to fall back into my marauders phase, mais c'est la vie...
(see what I did there?)
I've taken French for literally five years, (I'm nowhere near fluent tho) so I have no idea why it's taken me so long to incorporate it into my writing.
In all honesty, I'm doing great mentally, but I've been pining for some wolfstar! x reader angst, and I haven't really found any that meet my fancy yet soooooo.
Fine I'll do it myself.
Summary: You were a hopeless romantic who had always tended to see things through rose colored glasses, falling in love with the idea of falling in love. Each new infatuation came to you like a fascination ready to be explored, there was nothing you loved more than the head-games of an all consuming crush. That was until, the latest object of attraction became two boys so incredibly and viscerally out of your reach.
Warnings: Angst! (like a lot), Unrequited love, fluff for a mere second, tbh I feel like it is funny at moments???
Once again, if you see any formatting/grammatical errors, please let me know!
Enjoy <3
———–
It had all been fun and games, it never really mattered, until it did.
It was no secret, to your family, your friends, and least of all you. You loved falling in love.
Bi-monthly, and sometimes depending on the circumstance, bi-weekly you waltzed into the Gryffindor common room with a new tale of budding romance to share with your friends. And they'd just look at you and smile,
"Ah, our (Y/N), ever the helpless romantic." they'd say, all the while you'd confirm their statements with a blush or grin.
It was harmless, innocent, you had made quite the reputation for yourself around Hogwarts.
Anyone who got involved with you knew your tendencies, that your heart could change pace like the seasons came and went. Each boy and girl you set your sights on was like a new game of chess for your dazzling beauty and quick wits to conquer.
Which, you knew in retrospect sounded terrible, but you also knew you were young, and that relationships and love should be something to explore, not something to hold you down.
Besides, it wasn't like they didn't mean anything to you, you felt heartbreak when it was said and done with. To you, the growth and rebirth that came with romance was something equally as beautiful as the summits and triumphs.
You had a sneaking suspicion, that if the Greeks and Romans were right about their gods, you had to have been under Aphrodite's watchful eye.
Coming up on your last year of Hogwarts, you had become unbeatable. You had captured so many suitors, there were even lingering rumors of Veela tainting your blood.
Of course, they were all false, though, you'd never tell anyone otherwise. Because, what fun would that be?
You had at least one crash-and-burn love story from every house to tell, it even got to the point that people were courting you with the intention of "taming" your rampage.
Never, had there been a crush you couldn't bounce back from, no matter how close to breaking you came, you never did.
That was until you just had to go and viciously fuck yourself over.
Your thoroughly used vinyl of La Vie en Rose echoed through your dorm room as it spun for what might've been the millionth time, lyrics serving as a cruel jab toward your current situation.
Des yeux qui font baisser les miens,
You hadn't meant for it turn to out this way. For the first time in your entire life, there you sat, face stuffed into your pillow, wishing to Merlin that your heart could just bleed out of your chest.
Maybe then, it wouldn't be something you'd have to deal with, and you could forget about the prospect of falling in love together.
Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche,
It wasn't too late at all, it was just after dinner, and the rest of your dorm mates had cleared to the common room to celebrate the winning quidditch match that had transpired hours earlier.
On any usual occasion, you'd been down there with them, curled up on the couch next to Lilly, Mary, or Marlene, sipping rum-infused butter beer in content.
Instead, you were curled up alone, bathed in the dim light of your bedside candle, shivering from the cold.
Your blanket had fallen half down your body nearly fifteen minutes ago, and yet, the last thing on your mind was pulling it back up.
Voila le portrait sans retouches,
You had made some lame excuse as to why you would be exempt from tonight's actives, claiming you wanted to brush up on your divination for the exam at the end of the week.
Everyone had bought it, too high on youthful excitement and laughter to stop once more and examine the dark circles under your eyes.
De l'homme auquel j'appartiens,
As you stuffed your face further into the cotton pillowcase, you desperately wished the ground would open up and take you somewhere dark and quiet. Somewhere you could forget that you existed, so you could stop feeling like such a horrible human being.
Your mind had been clouded with buzzing jumbled thoughts for what felt like hours, never ceasing to give you a moment to rest. You surely thought your ears would start bleeding from how hard you had been thinking all day.
Quand il me prend dans ses bras,
You had now reached a point, with your uniform discarded haphazardly on the floor, and the sleep shirt you garnered swallowing you whole, where your brain had become filled with white noise.
The only coherent thought you could form right now, was how the hell did I get here?
Il me parle l'a tout bas,
Which of course, led you back into a rabbit hole of memories.
Je vois,
la vie en rose...
The infirmary's visiting hours were long over, the only company you had to keep was the first year who had fallen out of a tree that was sleeping in the cot next to you.
You should've been fast asleep by now, but you couldn't bring yourself to count a single sheep.
You weren't there for any real injury, a prank the boys had pulled a few hours earlier had backfired, and you had gotten the brunt of their mistake.
What was supposed to be a "pimple-inducing glitter rocket" (you had no idea how they got so creative) headed straight for Severus Snape, was quickly dogged by the intended victim, and who else was so lucky to be standing a few feet behind him, but you?
After a quick potion, you were fine, but you felt a little nauseous from the drink, and a little woozy from all the excitement, so you decided to stay there for the night.
A decision you were vastly regretting, as it was coming up on midnight and you had absolutely nothing to do.
You had resorted to trying to write a letter to a boy you broke up with two days prior, he had left on quite a sour note, and truthfully you felt a bit awful for him.
It wasn't necessarily his fault, like many prior partners, you'd just grown uninterested. You figured you should at least leave him a note apologizing for the entire ordeal, even if it did get left in the bin.
That would've been great and all, only, you had no bloody idea what to write.
This had to have been the fourth page of parchment you had crumbled up and discarded next to you. With the thin sheet from the hospital bed drawn over you, you sat dumbfounded, cross-legged with a small, pink, dancing flame next to your quill.
You had started writing the beginning sentence, but then again, nothing came to mind after that. Your regularly admired face was scrunched up deep in thought, your nightgown slipping down one shoulder as you held the feather deep in concentration.
You re-read what you already had, and decided to just follow up with whatever came to mind. Perhaps, you were thinking too hard.
After much consideration, you began writing once more,
"I'm sorry I got bored of you-" scratch. Nope, that was dreadful, this was a lost cause, and you were wretched.
You huffed dismally, with no regard for the boy sleeping only a few feet away, and just as you prepared to snuff the light out, and try to achieve some shut-eye, you heard it.
You heard the door to the hospital wing slowly squeak open.
You paused, who would be coming in at this hour?
You turned to the small flame dancing on the candle seated next to you and snuffed it with a pinch before grabbing your wand which was next to it.
"Lumos." You whispered, as a small orb of light spouted from the end of your wand, you dragged the sheet off your form.
You looked around the hospital wing, from the dozing first year to the grand windows that lined both walls, and finally, to the door.
Though open, no one besides you and the boy seemed to be in the room.
But you were raised by wizards and were best friends with the most ruthless tricksters Hogwarts had ever seen, so you know better than to glance only at surface level.
Slowly, you turned and lowered your feet onto the cold stone floor.
As you tip-toed around your bed, eyes squinting and wand raised high, you spoke aloud.
"Who's there?" Apart from the echo of your voice, and the murmurs from the boy next to you who stirred slightly, silence.
You stepped forward a few more paces so that you were in the center of the room.
"Show yourself!" You spoke slightly louder and turned in all directions as if hoping to catch any movement.
Nothing.
You sighed, perhaps you were just a lunatic, and the door had blown open on its own. You turned to walk back to your bed, and just as you took one step, you were interrupted by what nearly made you shit yourself.
"Hello, dear."
A voice cut through the air next to you, and you screamed on pure instinct.
Well, you would've, if not for the hand shooting out of the darkness to cover your mouth. You swung your wand in the direction of your assailant and were met with a sight completely unexpected.
Remus Lupin's big brown eyes, illuminated by your wand stared back at you. Or rather, down at you.
The significantly taller boy was heaving, his ruffled oaky hair falling slightly in his face, which held an expression that suggested you had scared him. The light traced his scars, and his large, cut-covered hand closed around almost the whole bottom half of your face.
You couldn't help but think; how pretty Remus Lupin looked at that moment.
He gulped, a smile tugging at his lips as his expression shifted into one of slight amusement, "Alright love, I'm going to remove my hand now, and you are going to promise me you won't scream at us."
His voice was a soft whisper and reminded you of the rocky seashore you used to visit every summer with your parents when you were little.
It sent a shiver down your spine, had it always had that effect?
You then reconsidered his wording, Us? Your eyes shifted to his right, and there you were met with an even more surprising sight.
Sirius Black stood with one hand in his pocket, and the other clenching James Potter's invisibility cloak.
"Of course." You thought.
He stood with an air of relaxation like he always did. His annoyingly beautiful face was drawn in mirth, though far more sheening than Remus'.
His brows were raised, and his eyes regarded your appearance with what could only be described as mischief, as a feathery strand of his rebellious raven hair dipped between his eyes.
He winked at you after you had seemed to stare for a little too long, causing you to snap out of your bewilderment, and look back to Remus, who remained rooted in the same spot looking at you expectantly.
You nodded at him, holding his gaze, which seemed far too intense for a boy his age. For whatever reason, he nodded back.
He removed his hand, and just as he did, you swatted it away and stepped back.
"What in Merlin's name are you both doing here?! You scared the hell out of me!" You whisper-shouted at the pair. The two boys smiled youthfully at you in response.
Sirius finally swaggered forward, and past you, not refraining from brushing against you as he did. He turned and plopped down on your bed, discarding James' cloak next to him.
In his natural air of arrogance, he leaned back on his palms and lolled his head to the side, grinning up at you.
"We thought our girl could use some company, didn't we Moony?"
Against your better judgment, you rolled your eyes and swayed to look at Remus, who remained smiling down at you.
Annoyingly, a smile of your own made its way onto your face.
It was no secret that out of the group you, Sirius, and Remus were close in a way that the others weren't.
I mean, of course, the boys, and you and the girls would always be close in your respective ways, but for some reason, you three just seemed to click in a weird, and almost perfect way.
It wasn't like they called any other girl in the friend group "their girl", and it wasn't like you'd go through the animagus process for just anyone.
Remus bit his tongue, his eyes flickered from Sirius', and back to yours before he nodded once more.
Suddenly, he pulled his wand from his pocket and lit a candle on a bedside table across the room, so that your wand could be lowered and placed gingerly in the pocket of your nightgown.
As he returned his wand to his pocket all the same, he stepped forward and took both your hands in his own, swinging them back and forth idly, "Yeah, that and we wanted to apologize again for being the reason you're in here in the first place."
"Even though it was James' idea to begin with!" Sirius' voice beckoned from behind you.
Remus shot him a glare over your head before looking back down at you and rolling his eyes, swiping his thumb gently across the back of your hand, "Yes," he droned begrudgingly, "even though."
You bit your bottom lip while grinning in an attempt to conceal the laughter rising in your throat.
You released one of his hands, still gripping the other as you spun yourself around and face Sirius, who was now sitting cross-legged on the bed.
You couldn't help the content sigh that escaped your lips as you regarded the look of merriment and genuineness that graced Sirius' face.
You took turns looking between both boys before saying, "Consider yourselves forgiven, though I have a feeling that wasn't the only thing you came for."
"You'd be right to assume, Lovebug," Remus responded. Another thing, there wasn't a soul on the planet save for Remus and Sirius who called you Lovebug.
It was a title fashioned for your romantic tendencies, and it suited you quite well.
Sirius suddenly hopped to a stand, before taking his wand to poke the sleeping boy's foot ever so slightly, "We are taking you to the astronomy tower, to watch the crescent moon." He said nonchalantly, you scoffed in disbelief.
"Right now? But Sirius I'm in a bloody nightgown, not to mention barefoot, and all my things-"
You were cut off by Remus, whose arms had suddenly wrapped around your shoulders, "Relax darling, we'll have you back before the sun rises, maybe we'll even take your things and you back to the dorm where you belong."
You chuffed, "But-"
"As for the nightgown and lack of shoes, we can assure you, love, you look absolutely smashing in it, and have cute enough feet for it not to be too grotesque." Sirius winked.
You sighed and tried to ignore the light blush that settled across your cheeks, drowned out by the darkness.
You groaned petulantly like a child as you struggled to come up with a counterpoint, and leaned into Remus' lankily muscular build.
"C'mon Darling, it's your favorite moon cycle, and we know you must be bored to tears."
You froze as Remus' smooth voice resonated against the shell of your ear, his breath fanning over you slightly.
It was then you became aware of just how dipped in his scent you were, it completely engulfed you, the smell of pinewood, candle wax, and parchment.
You cleared your throat, before Sirius interjected once more, "Evidently, by the literary devices she's turned to to cope."
Your eyes widened, as your headshot over to Sirius, who had now grabbed and held the parchment you had forgotten you left on your bed.
His hair created a curtain around his face as he leaned over to read it, still though you could make out the shit-eating grin on his face as he did so.
"Dear Callum, I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from at the moment, but I'm sorry I got bored of you-" He read aloud in a high-pitched voice before he broke down into laughter.
You wrenched out of Remus' hold before surging forward and snatching the paper from his hand and shoving him slightly.
"Give me that you oaf!" You hissed lowly.
He snicked and pulled you into a hug, "Oh come now, you know I'm only joking lovely, please don't leave me! I promise never to bore you!" He sang, you elbowed him in rebuttal.
"Alright, fine! FINE! I will go, will you stop it now?!" You snapped, his laughter eventually died down as he hummed and looked down at you.
You craned your neck to meet his gaze, "Ah, knew you'd come around Lovebug, right then off we go!" He announced before spinning you and setting you down on the ground.
You watched as he practically skipped over to Remus, before grabbing the boy by the jaw and pulling him into a simple kiss.
Yet another symbol of your closeness, you were one of the only ones who knew that the two were more than just friends.
Remus hummed before returning the kiss and pulling away.
Sirius leaned into his neck, "Told you she'd come around Moony."
Remus licked his lips and gave you a half-lidded once over, not even he could contain the dim beam that spread across his face.
"Course she did, she's our girl after all." He mused.
In an instant, the smile dropped from your face.
It was then, for the first time in a long time, you felt something. Like a punch in the gut, one that you knew familiarly, but not to this extent.
The air in your lungs seemed to leave you all at once, as a cold hotness spread over you.
Your vision began to tunnel, as your ears filled with wind, and you became all too aware of the sweat that coated your palms.
"No," you thought, "no way."
Your heartbeat quickened, and you desperately hoped that with Remus' advanced senses, he couldn't hear it.
There was no way this was happening, not to you, not right now.
It was such a simple sentence, one you were sure he and Sirius had uttered to you before, so why did it ignite this feeling in you?
Why, did you have to have such a reaction, and why now?
You wiped the sweat that sprouted from your palms on your nightgown and could feel some new form on the nape of your neck.
It felt as though the air of comfortability from earlier had evaporated, replaced with a thick blanket of awkwardness and anxiety, at least on your part.
The boys you had leaned into so carelessly before, had now become the two people you wanted to be furthest from.
You knew this feeling, you knew what it was, and normally, you'd welcome it like an old friend. But not this time, not for them.
Why, did it have to be them?
"(Y/N)" Sirius' question shook you from your state of silent panic. You blinked and swallowed a thick glob of your saliva.
"Yeah?" Your voice was far less even than it had been a second ago, it wavered and shook much without you meaning it to.
The boys looked at you with confusion drawn over their expressions, "You ready to go?" Remus said as if you were some dimwitted puppy.
Your eyelids flickered, and you took a deep breath. "Yeah, sorry, I just zoned out, must be the after-effects of the potion." You lied through your teeth.
They nodded at you, still seeming suspicious of your behavior but not questioning the matter further.
Each boy extended a hand, and you almost let out a shattered sigh as you slowly stepped forward and took each hand in your own.
As you three began walking to the door, and you plastered a smile on your face, you began to hear your voice screaming inside your head.
In an instant, you knew what you had done.
You'd just gone and fallen in love with two boys you knew you couldn't have.
That exchange had transpired a week ago, and ever since then, you'd been spiraling.
You felt hot tears gather in your eyes as you recounted it redundantly. In your mind, there were layers to how fucked up this was.
You can't like two people at once, that's utterly selfish. You berated yourself, especially since those two people are dating each other, not to mention two boys! Not to mention even more two boys that just so happen to be your best friends!
You groaned as you rubbed your temples, blinking back the tears.
Any logical, normal person would've taken the high road, and just silently waited until this infatuation passed.
But as you were reminded incessantly, you were the furthest from logical, or normal.
The longer you lingered with this knowledge, the more unbearable it became.
Every moment you spent trying not to think about Sirius or Remus, was another moment in which your little crush turned into a full-blown obsession.
At first, you had resigned to pretending as if nothing was amiss, forcing smiles and hoping they couldn't tell. But every day you felt your resolve weakening, and so as of today, you had completely avoided them at all costs.
Then, you just had to let your friends drag you to that stupid quidditch match.
You had managed to sit as far from Remus as possible and tried to push through through the awkwardness, which worked for awhile, and then the world had to go and give you another slap in the face.
After James had caught the snitch, you were dealt the misfortune of locking eyes with Sirius, who, high on excitement as he was, decided to beam at you, and blow you a fucking kiss.
Damn Sirius Black for being the natural flirt he was, and damn his stupidly perfect face.
You knew in hindsight it was just Sirius being Sirius, he was head over heels for Remus.
It's not like he knew how much he made your heart flutter from that simple act alone.
But the side effects of it were damning, and whilst you got by with averting eye contact and keeping to yourself for the walk back to the castle, you refused to risk a much more obvious reaction given the boys pull anything else.
You sighed, again, as you shut your eyes and listened to the last lyric that played from your vinyl.
Et, dès que je l'apercois, alors je sens en moiI, mon coeur qui bat...
You bit the inside of your cottoned mouth, and gulped sending a sting down your dry throat.
Your favorite song was beginning to sound like torture every time you translated its meaning in your head.
Yes, you thought bitterly, I see life through rose-colored glasses, and look where that's got me now.
Finally, you opened your eyes. God, your side of the dorm was a mess, Lily was going to kill you.
Not that it wouldn't be deserved, you shot at yourself.
With all the remaining strength in your body, you pushed yourself off your bed. The needle on your record player had finally reached the center of the vinyl, meaning it was time for you to get up and move it again.
As your feet landed on the cold floor, you winced, rolling your ankles to re-attune your body to movement.
After a moment you stood, not missing the blackness that pinched at your view from your lightheaded state. You began to walk across the room, ignoring the cries that sounded from your locked joints.
Your brain felt fuzzy, and your movements were reduced to emotionless and empty.
You stopped in front of the table on which your record player sat, and lifted a weak, trembling hand to the needle.
And as you picked up, and moved it to the edge, allowing the song to replay once more, you heard the startling sound of the door creaking open.
You didn't bother to look at her, instead, you closed your eyes and inhaled in preparation for what was to come.
"Godrick, (Y/N) the room's a mess, what have you been doing all this time?!"
Lily's maternal croon should've at least offered a morsel of comfort, and yet, all it did was cause more tears to sting the corners of your eyes.
Your ears filled with ocean sounds as Lily began to parade around the room, picking up all your discarded articles of clothing, too lost in her own ramblings to notice the air of gloom that hung over you.
You bit your lip as you shut your eyes tightly, trying desperately to keep any more tears from running freely down your rosy cheeks.
Lily had this way about her, she was too comforting, too emotion-invoking.
You wished she would've just stayed downstairs for one more hour, at least then you would've more had time to collect yourself.
But she didn't, she was here, and she was going to witness you in the state that you were; raw, terrified, and utterly humiliated.
Your mind had turned into a wind tunnel of thoughts and feelings, preventing you from noticing how Lily had halted her movements and slighted her gaze to your now shaking form.
"(Y/N)? Lovie? Are you alright?"
You opened your eyes and looked up at the ceiling for one moment, teeth biting down harder on your trembling lip.
Finally, you turned and met her head-on.
Lily gasped in spite of herself, "Oh, Y/N." she whispered, brows stitched in worry, emerald eyes widening.
Before you could blink, she was on you. Lean arms enclosing your figure, one placed comfortingly behind your head, the other wrapped around your waist.
"Darling, what's happened?" Her soft voice resonated in your ear.
You couldn't bring yourself to respond, burrowing your head in her shoulder, shaking it slightly.
Your arms had returned the embrace tenfold, hands grasping her sweater tightly like she was the only thing in the universe holding you together at that moment.
Before you could stop yourself, soft hiccups began to escape you, and it was then, as Lily pulled away and began to wipe at the wetness under your eyes, you realized, you had to tell her.
You allowed yourself to be guided to her side of the room and sat down on her plush, quilted bed.
Blinking through tears you tried to focus on Lilly's concerned face, as she pushed a stray strand of hair behind your ear, and took your hand.
"Y/N, please, tell me what's the matter." Lily begged quietly as she smoothed her thumb over the back of your hand.
The moonlight from the window above her bed was nearly the only thing that illuminated the space around you, sheening on your variability, and exposing your flaws.
Your eyes flickered as you took a deep breath and attempted to collect your thoughts, and organize them into something, anything, clear enough to be spoken aloud.
"I..." Your voice quietly resonated, coarse and croaky from hours of wailing and weeping. You fought against the tightness in your throat, encouraged by Lily's soft eyes, and comforting presence.
After a moment, you cleared your throat and tried again.
You began with a sigh, focusing on the way Lily smelled of vanilla, allowing her scent to calm your flurrying mind.
"Lily," you said, much quieter this time, "I've done something terrible."
Lily's brows furrowed once more, in confusion this time. "What can you mean?" she replied, ever inquisitive and eager.
You inhaled and exhaled slowly, here it goes.
You gripped her hand like it was your lifeline, "I've..." you paused.
"I've fallen in love again."
Quiet settled over the room, blanketing the two girls.
Lily blinked, face going blank.
Before she could stop herself, a snort escaped from her mouth. Her demeanor of worry was now replaced with one of disbelief and wry amusement.
"You must be joking, seriously (Y/N)? That's all this is about? another silly little fling?" She teased, now finding this entire situation utterly ironic.
You huffed, frustration becoming your face. "No," You interjected, voice strained and tight.
"It's not- God, it's not that I've fallen in love again, it's with who!"
Lily raised a brow, squinting, lip quirking. "Right then," she teased, "Tell me, who is the soul lucky enough to hold your affections?"
You were glaring and lifting yourself off the bed in an instant. Bitterness bitting at your tongue.
"Forget it." You bit.
Lily sighed and grasped your hand before you could get even two steps. "(Y/N)," she groaned in defeat, feeling instant guilt as more tears glided down your chin.
"I'm sorry, that was cruel of me. You can tell me, and I won't make fun of you."
You eyed the redhead suspiciously, "Promise?" You quipped. Lily smiled, "Promise."
You bit the inside of your cheek and returned to your spot on the bed.
You huffed and picked away at some of the skin around your fingernails anxiously. "You really promise not to judge?" you mumbled, looking up at her through your wet lashes.
Lily nodded, "I promise lovie, you can tell me." her smile was the reassurance you needed, but it didn't lessen the ache in your heart.
You shut your eyes, annoyed at the feeling of more tears gushing down your neck.
You covered your face in your palms, before admitting out loud the confession you'd been reckoning with for days.
"I fucked up," you said through tears as you lifted your eyes to meet Lily's, "I've fallen in love with Remus Lupin," you watched Lily's eyes turn into saucers, "And, Sirius fucking Black."
In any other situation, you would've laughed at how Lily's jaw fell open, but this was no laughing matter. Her hand flew to hover above her mouth, and for the first time in all that you've known her, Lily Evans had been rendered speechless.
And you, were growing more anxious by the moment. Tears were now fully cascading down your face, sobs and hiccups wrenching from your throat.
"Say something!" You begged, her silence was making you feel worse by the second.
Lily jumped, broken out of her state of shock. She closed and open her mouth, trying to find the right words, before she so eloquently settled on,
"Merlin's fuck, (Y/N)."
You cried harder if that was even possible.
"I know, I know, it's horrible isn't it?" You whined.
After a week of keeping this all bottled up, it was now all coming crashing down on you.
You felt your heart ripping at the seams, in such a short period of time, these boys had suddenly had the most magnifying attraction you had felt.
You felt so utterly stupid, had you always liked them? Did it just so happen that that fateful night was your moment of realization?
Either way, neither explanation lessened your suffocating distress.
As you let your head fall into your hands, Lily grabbed your shoulders, rubbing them up and down encouragingly.
"Well, I won't lie to you sweetheart, it doesn't look amazing." She winced, resolving to pull your sobbing body to hers, wrapping her arms around you once more.
Lily knew the weight of this situation, because she knew Remus and Sirius, more especially, the relationship the two shared.
"When did you find this out?" She asked softly.
You sniffed, "A week ago, I think? Oh Merlin, maybe I've always known but was never ready to admit it to myself."
Lily sighed thoughtfully, before replying. "Well, do you want to tell them?"
You thought for a moment, before shaking your head in defeat.
"It's no use Lils, even in my wildest dreams, they're out of my reach. I can't have them, and the fact that I even want them makes me feel like the biggest arsehole in the world."
Lily stayed quiet as you continued your rant, allowing you to verbalize all the feelings that had been festering in your heart.
"Godrick, they're so perfect for each other, it's almost unreal. You've seen them together, they look as if they were made for each other. Not only that, but they fought so hard for the right to be together. And who the hell am I to come in here and even consider ruining that? I must be the most selfish girl in the world."
You felt your heart break a little more with each word, but you couldn't stop yourself, you had to let these thoughts surface.
"They trusted me," you sobbed, "every deep, grimy secret that they had no obligation to share, they trusted me enough to tell. All they've ever wanted from me was a friend, someone to be their home, and now I've gone and ruined it."
"You don't know that-" Lily tried, but you interrupted before she could even finish the sentence.
"Yes, I do! You know how I get Lily, even about simple crushes they become all I can think about. I will not be able to stop thinking about them, and every single time they feel comfortable enough to be affectionate in front of me, I'll break all over again."
Finally, you paused and took a deep breath.
"There is absolutely no situation in which this can turn out alright for me."
Lily felt her heartache for you as she assessed the sheer pain in your voice.
However, this situation was difficult, because she had to consider Remus and Sirius' well-being too.
She tapped a finger on the bare skin of your arm. "You know what I think?" She finally said.
You lifted your head and met her calculating eyes with your own. "What?" you asked pathetically.
Lily rotated her jaw, "I think, that this situation is much bigger than you or I, so before we go making blind assumptions, we need to let Remus and Sirius speak for themselves."
She paused, "(Y/N), I know you're scared, but you have to tell them."
You inhaled deeply, eyes flickering with fear.
You were scared, terrified actually. But, the more you thought about it, the more you realized what you had known all this time.
Lily was right, they needed to know.
You couldn't just disappear from their lives without giving them a floor to speak their peace, it wasn't right.
Doing that, you decided, would truly be the cruelest thing you could possibly do.
You huffed, before blinking away the last of your tears and taking a moment to wipe the mess off your face.
Lily sat and watched you as you began to collect yourself, leaning on her own arm for support.
After a moment, when you felt as though you were moderately put together, you shook your hands out and breathed deeply for that last time.
You looked to Lily, there were still a million questions you wished could be answered, but for tonight, as you checked the clock and saw it was coming up on 1:00 A.M., you settled for just one.
"Do you think they realize I've been avoiding them?" You cringed.
Lily opened her mouth to reply, but before she could, a sharp knock sounded at the door.
"(Y/N) (L/N), you open this door right now, or so help me Merlin, I will blow it down!" Sirius' muffled yell sounded from the other side of the aged wood.
Then, Remus chimed in. "You know he'll do it love, so there's no use in fighting."
You froze, and for a moment as Lily's expression turned into that of a deer in headlights, you thought maybe the whole universe froze with you.
Your blood ran cold as they continued raving about their usual nonsense, and as you saw the door handle rattle, you and Lily finally spoke in unison.
"Oh, fuck."
#remus x sirius#wolfstar#wolfstar x reader#harry potter#maraudersera#marauders#the marauders#remus lupin#siriusblack#remus x reader#sirius x reader#polymarauders#poly!#fanfic#angst#fluff#lilyevans#jamespotter#hogwarts#gryfindor#fandom#dead gay wizards#unrequited love
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may i, perchance, inquire about the lovingly named Thing.2 for the wip thing?
Of course, bestie! <3
Fun little background first and a basic plot then I'll add a little teaser that will probably be inaccurate by the time that I get this finished in approximately six years. XD
I originally started working on this in 2019(?) and not even in a google doc. I was just writing in a journal and the idea struck me so I started to write out a scene and from there it kind of spiraled into this rolling mass. It was terrible to write this all up into a computer, haha, and thankfully I've just worked on it in a doc since.
Which, proof of concept:
Oh my gosh I was still using Georgia as a font when I last worked on this. Lol. Okay. Definitely 2019.
I lie:
2019 was when it STARTED.
Basic plot idea: In Avengers 1, Natasha notices that something isn't quite right with Loki when she's interrogating him and realizes that, oh, he's actually severely injured right now. She points this out and Thanos, in an effort to protect the secrecy of his mission from Asgard, attempts to kill him over the mind link. The Avengers + a mostly dead Loki are then left scrambling to stop an invasion and also keep Loki from being murdered.
*This is, as a heads up, a story where Laura doesn't exist because Clintasha is my comfort pairing.
Snippet:
This is where he’s off. Natasha is here to get answers, and she’s going to press for them. She’s not afraid to draw blood, and if that’s what it comes to, so be it. She is the balm and the torture.
But she’s it.
No one before.
No one after.
So why is he so tight? Rogers went after Loki in Stuttgart, but beyond throwing a few useless punches until Stark tossed Loki a good few dozen feet, they didn’t fight. He surrendered rather quickly. No one has really touched the Asgardian; Natasha doesn’t understand why he’d be in pain. His hair is slick with sweat, too, as if the cell is blistering hot when it’s barely comfortably warm in here.
Natasha hesitates. It’s barely a second, but Loki’s smile widens all the same, eyes conveying a message she doesn’t understand. Her tongue twists in the roof of her mouth, stuck. His expression is all wrong, tips a grimace, and his eyes so empty, but cold. And blue. She has never seen an eye color this vividly blue before. They’re almost glowing.
She...didn’t expect this. Did Fury even notice? Loki is in pain, and the reason evades her. Yes, no one has been gentle with him, but it’s not to the extent of this. It’s well hidden; truly if she hadn’t been taught to exploit weaknesses, like pain, she probably would have missed it.
But she hasn’t.
A question over Clint wants to spill out, demands to--I want to know what you’ve done with Agent Barton--but Natasha, with effort, holds it back. It can wait. It’s been three days thus far, wherever he is, he’s still alive and that’s all that matters. It has to wait. (She doesn’t want it to, but it has to).
It takes her less than five seconds for this to flash across her head, but it’s enough time for Loki’s smile to drop just slightly so he can scoff, “They send a child to draw my plans from me? How quaint. Agent Romanova, I must say--”
“You’re in pain. Why?” Natasha takes a step forward as Loki freezes. So subtle, quick, but it’s there. His face pales, hands tighten, spine attempts to straighten again before failing. But it’s over just as swiftly when his features smooth.
“I think you’re seeing what you wish to, my dear.” Loki’s voice is silk. “Fury’s fire and brimstone I have yet to make acquaintance with, though I know you wish I had.”
Natasha’s teeth set. It’s convincing, he’s good, she’ll give him that, but she trusts her instincts. “No,” she tilts her head, moving closer. “You’re in pain. Why?”
“I’m not in pain.” Loki’s voice is flat.
Natasha’s eyebrow raises in disagreement. His insistence really only makes her believe this more. There’s a desperation to the tone, as if he doesn’t want her to believe him. The four words are one of the most poorly constructed lies she’s come across to date.
“I’m not.” The Asgardian presses, eyes narrowed. “There’s nothing wrong with me. You are treading into dangerous waters, Agent Romanova, and I really would suggest you stop.”
Ha.
“I want to know what left you so crippled you can’t even keep yourself upright. Our guys have barely left a dent on you.” She says the words carefully. She saw the footage. Loki took a dozen bullets to the face and hardly seemed bothered by it. His resilience is impressive, which really only makes this all the more concerning.
His jaw tightens and eyes flicker, almost as if changing color, but she shakes it off to a trick of the lighting. His head draws back as he inhales deeply. Then, his smile widens. “Shall I tell you what I’ve done to Agent Barton?” Her stomach churns with disagreement. “How willingly he divulged his past, yours, those of the little gathering of lost pets. He was so willing to betray his lovers trust--”
No. That can’t be right. He wouldn’t do it willingly.
It’s mind control.
Clint’ wouldn’t--
What if Loki hurt him? What if Clint’s dying out there somewhere, and instead of gaining information about where he is and how to help, she’s chasing after a fanciful idea that Loki is in need of medical attention, when he’s clearly not--thief. He took Clint. But he’s in pain.
“--His mind has expanded, he’s beyond such petty attachment to useless, murderous ingrates like the famous Black--”
Natasha’s hand slams against the glass. It echoes, and Loki’s mouth snaps shut, but that smile is still here. Control, control, control. She reminds herself. She has the upperhand. He’s just playing with her. Taunting. Clint wouldn’t--
Focus.
Clint is a distraction for now. Love is for children. She needs to concentrate.
She draws in a deep breath, but keeps her knuckle on the glass. Loki’s expression is nothing short of delighted behind it. She’s never been more tempted to punch someone in the face. She squints, studying him. “It’s not your hands,” she lists out, steady, as Loki’s expression furrows with clear confusion, “because you’ve used them readily since arriving here. Shoulders is a fifty-fifty, but I’m going to vote no. No limp. Broken bones are such a nasty thing to compensate for, so it must be a flesh wound. Even so, I’d say ribs, but those are harder to keep upright with, so it must be--”
“Shut up, woman!” the light in his eyes flashes intensely and Natasha draws back, startled by both the flame and how raw Loki’s voice sounds. Broken. “This vessel is undamaged.” Loki hisses, drawing back a step. His face has fled of any emotion, leaving it barren and dead.
Something is wrong.
They missed something.
--- End.
Reading old writing is humiliating, lol. I cleaned this up a bit and I'm still ashamed. But yeah. Thanks for the ask, this made my day. :)
<3<3<3
Also talking about this makes me want to write it again. Maybe after You Screamed For So Long We Forgot To Care Anymore gets finished, I'll work on this one again.
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i wrote some pining Enj headcanons for you bc you're sick and you deserve them
• Enjolras is very used to people crushing on him. He's pretty and eloquent and that sorta thing usually gets you many admirers.
• HOWEVER, most people lose interest instantly when they get to know him because they think he's Too Much.
• so when he starts to notice R looking at him, he thinks it's just that. he thinks he's pretty, that's all there is to it.
• EXCEPT he's actually starting to show an interest, and Enjolras has a small, mortifying collection of napkins with little doodles on them.
• they start to speak more often, and when he's not drunk out of his mind and trying to be disruptive, he's quiet and thoughtful. he speaks in a low, deep voice and gets so tangled in his own thoughts that it seems like he's creating entire philosophies.
• enjolras has felt this pesky little feeling in his chest just once before, snd he is terrified of it. he starts looking forward to the one on one meetings they have when grantaire explains how to make flyers particularly eye catching
• he sits there, his eyes alight, talking about colors and fonts and Enjolras could not ever have imagined someone unironically saying "serif fonts are just sexier."
• they start to get closer, and enjolras can't help but be horribly, terribly enamoured. he teaches enjolras to cook simple meals when combeferre moves out because he took one look at enjolras' freezer FILLED with veggie nuggets and frozen pizzas and decided that enjolras couldn't survive like that.
• the first time he successfully makes a meal, he makes way too much, and invites R over.
• there, sitting over the table, he can see R looking at him with those beautiful, soft eyes. he's taking a bite and he looks proud.
• and enj feels all too aware that he actually put an effort into his appearance, that his curls look shiny and bouncy and his tee us actually wrinkle free for once.
• he feels this overwhelming sadness in the knowledge that grantaire himself has told him more times than he can count that he should loosen up. that he's impossible and condescending and hard to speak to.
• he idly wonders if he would even be here if he looked different.
• meanwhile, grantaire is just scooping dessert into bowls, and wondering how his life has reached a stage where sitting next to enjolras on the couch, legs pressed together, watching tales of the city.
• they stay there, long into the night, enjolras offers grantaure his clothes, feeling something swooping in his chest seeing Grantaire’s shoulders fill out his baggy tshirt.
• they end up a little tangled together, enjolras sobbing his eyes out about margot and jake.
• he doesn't remember when he fell asleep, but he remembered waking up, with sleep and tears crusting his eyes, hair wild and all over the place.
• grantaire looks at him with painfully fond eyes, and enjolras feeling his heart crawlings it's way up his throat.
"you look like shit, apollo," he says. enjolras laughs. he let's himself believe, for a moment, that this could work out
I hope you feel better, love <33
OH GOD OH FUCK UR THE BEST I LUV YOU
And they start going for walks and coffee together, and Grantaire takes him up to Belleville and shows him all the wall art, and talks about the graffiti artists he knows from the Parisian art scene and explains the meaning behind the art and Enjolras just smiles and nods along- It’s really nice, listening to Grantaire talking about something and hearing the passion in his voice.
One time, they bump into someone Grantaire knows, and the person assumes Enjolras is Grantaire’s boyfriend. Enjolras tries not to feel too hurt about how quick R is to correct them, but also.....Ouch.
(Grantaire just didn't want Enjolras to be offended by the implication that they were dating...Little did he know, huh?)
and maybe, another time they're hanging out in Enjolras' apartment again, and Grantaire falls asleep this time. And he looks so at peace, in a way he never really does while he's awake, and Enjolras knows he's being a giant creep but he can't seem to focus on whatever documentary they put on. He just keeps admiring the way Grantaire's long lashes look against his cheekbone and the shape of his lips and the little bump in his nose, and oh god, Enjolras is so screwed.
Grantaire wakes up, sitting up and stretching, and he’s like “shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep, what did I miss?” And Enjolras opens his mouth, to tell him what happened in the documentary, but the words that come out are “I like you.” Shit, how did that happen?
Grantaire (still half asleep) is like "wait, what?" And Enjolras completely panics and is like "Never mind, forget I said anything!" and then practically jumps off the couch and ends up swearing a blue streak when he whacks his knee on the coffee table
Grantaire reaches out and grabs his hand before he can run away and says “What did you say?” And Enjolras just thinks “Well, I’ve already embarrassed myself enough, so whatever I guess!!!” and says it again, “I like you.”
Grantaire simply stares at him for a moment, and then he gives Enjolras the widest smile he’s ever seen and says simply “I like you too.”
Enjolras wakes up on the couch the next morning, his head on Grantaire’s chest, listening to his heartbeat under his ear, and he kind of can’t stop smiling
p-tri you are the best thank u for a lil bit of piningjolras to read on my sick day, this made me smile like a loon lots of luv to u <3 <3 <3
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Title: Lovebug (14/14)
Summary:
“It might be a bug.”
“A bug?”
“Sometimes the developers of this application make mistakes. This is our first time meeting I’m sure so…Isn’t it a bit weird that we just met for the first time and it rings like this? And for two strangers to coincidentally ring each other’s alarms?“
Levi is the developer of the Love Alarm App and Hange is married to Zeke.
Link to cross-postings: AO3
Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13
Notes: I know I usually post on Wednesdays but I'll be on the road on Wednesday and if I don't get this out soon, I'll probably end up dropping it next week or smthg so here it is. Two days early. I hope you enjoy :D
Is this all that there is to life? A glaring question that came unexpectedly, in between reading through codes for his nth freelance project the past few years.
In response, Levi closed his eyes, sat back and reflected. A part of him may have been asking that question for a while and slowly, Levi started to understand why he was asked that in the first place.
A few minutes ago, he had been strangely happy to see his code compiling at the first try. And just a few hours ago, he had been enthusiastic at running a debugger through a code and finding a few typos to fix.
Happiness. That was happiness right?
That part of him continued to nag. It soured that 'happiness,' leaving a burning dissatisfaction inside him. You’ve experienced better moments, happier moments.
Then Levi got fed up. He reached into the back of his mind, he remembered, then something stopped him from reminiscing for a while longer.
Something strange. Something buried.
He hadn’t allowed himself to feel much since he first moved into that new city. He had allowed the novelty and the business to carry him through his first months. But the novelty of a new beginning never lasted long.
Too shaken to even bother applying for a new job, Levi opted to work freelance. Consequently, his only companions were the four walls of his studio apartment and the occasional voices from next door.
There was only so much which could stimulate interest. His mind continued to search for them and naturally, time continued to move along with it. Routine and episodes of ennui seemed to last infinities in the moment. But in retrospect, it felt like they all happened too fast.
He had made sense of time in milestones, milestones worth ten times the refreshing feeling of running a debugger through code or the fleeting euphoria of compiling codes at the first try.
Is that all that there is to life? Eventually, he made sense of that strange voice. There was reason to that question.
That day was another milestone. If it wasn't for his nagging mind, he could have missed it.
It was a blustery autumn day in late October, the weather similar to the last view he had of his home five years ago. Shifting his gaze from the window of his present apartment, he took a quick look at the calendar and it was like a dam had ended up spilling open inside him.
The five year mark was a bittersweet milestone, five years since he left home. The fifth year rang more loudly than every year before that. Maybe because five was such a perfect number, or perhaps because he had been keeping something in for a while.
He felt a release. Then a reprieve from the monotony, a reprieve from the five years avoiding his old life. Levi found himself opening his browser tab, typing the words ‘love alarm’ on the search box and deleting it a second later.
An aimless and useless sequence of movements. He didn’t need a quick google search to know how it was doing.
The love alarm had become a household name even all the way in his side of the world. With his very human need to go out, whether it be for groceries, shopping or just some fresh air, Levi couldn’t completely ignore it. With the right decisions, Levi could choose not to give so much as a side glance at the people walking, heads bent down, staring at the number of hearts on their application.
When he went out though, even with his music at full blast, he would hear the familiar alarm as he walked through crowds.
At first, it had left a pang in his chest, a brief bout of nausea, perhaps disgust or embarrassment at his old life.
It had been five years since he first arrived though and it turned out, time did heal.
Levi looked through the wikipedia page of the love alarm and he found, it hurt more like a raw scar than a stab in his chest or a crushing weight. The nausea, the pang in his chest that plagued him years before were weak if almost nonexistent.
Curiosity took over.
He took his phone from the side of his desk and downloaded the application again. The name Jaeger was under the title screen and right next to it were the words ‘All rights reserved.”
Would would have felt like an ache in the chest years ago, felt more like a mosquito bite. Levi was just slightly annoyed. It did nothing to stop him though from registering again and looking through the application interface.
Nothing much had changed. There were some slight changes to the skin of the registration page, a change in the name of the company at the bottom. Levi purposely touched the activate button rapidly and found he had crashed the application.
That was one bug that he never got to fix. He turned his phone to the side, noting the way the screen glitched as it adjusted to the landscape orientation of the phone. Another bug Levi never got to fix.
Then he wondered who the developer on the other end had been to have never even caught it.
Biometrics registered, Levi activated the alarm to find no hearts. He couldn’t help but entertain that slight disappointment. Of course no hearts would have appeared though. He hadn’t even interacted with his neighbors.
It would have been creepy it rang. Letting out a sardonic laugh just loud enough for himself, he leaned back on the chair and stared at the ceiling, forcing his thoughts back to whatever coding freelance project he’d been dealing with a few minutes ago.
Work came in freelance projects. They were enough for rent, for savings and some capacity to eat out occasionally.
A simple yet comfortable life. But is that all that there is to life? That voice continued to tear into his work related thoughts. Levi gave in to the nagging thought again. He started scrolling through wikipedia articles detailing use, detailing acquisition history, he found another key word under related articles, more interesting than ‘love alarm.’
Mood Alarm.
It sent a strange shiver through the back of his neck. Levi rolled his shoulders, relieving the tension that came with the last few eons of reflection. He let out a whistle, opened the new article and scrolled down towards references.
There were lists of articles.
Partner of Zeke Jaeger and freshly minted PhD graduate Doctor Hange Zoe release Mood Alarm.
Doctor Hange Zoe. Something inside him was fighting for control. He couldn’t bring himself to click the link. At the same time though, there was this curiosity inside him that he couldn’t seem to get to the bottom of.
Under the link to the article was the official website.
At the front page, there was a boring and overly professional introduction Levi didn’t bother to read
Below them, everything else had been interesting enough to give more than a second long glance.
The list of functionalities. The color codes. Then newly launched dashboard functionalities, almost a carbon copy of the plan Levi had sent years back.
“Fucking hell, you actually did it,” Levi muttered. He couldn’t help but just allow the smile that tugged at his lips some control. Excitement had him searching for the application on the play store, downloading it and methodically going through the same registration process as the love alarm.
It didn’t look much like the mood alarm Levi had worked on years ago. He saw hints of it though and worked from there to admire it.
The front end had been cleaned up. The font chosen fit the silver-to-white gradient of the application. When Levi clicked ‘activate,’ the screen loaded.
The colors mixed against one another for a second, an aesthetic choice of animation that Levi couldn’t help but be amused with.
Red. Yellow. Blue. Purple. Green. Orange.
The colors continued to mix. Then some disappeared as if they had lost themselves in some colorful war.
Then it was only blue and yellow. The two colors danced against one another for a few seconds longer before they disappeared too. More specifically, they bundled against one another.
Green. It took him at least five seconds to get that reading.
He didn’t have to look at the guide on the website to know what it meant.
Sad happy? Or happy sad? Whatever that feeling was, Levi felt no need to introspect, or maybe he had been too lazy to.
It had been a while since he had even let himself feel something. The green on his screen, the feeling that accompanied it, seemed more like an old friend he hadn’t talked to a while.
If he had any ability at introspection, maybe it had already rusted. Still, he let those emotions inside him, that yellow and that blue do their work.
They had him turning off the mood alarm, then turning off the love alarm. Something inside him still hesitated to delete the applications. Then it had him considering the space on his phone for just a second.
He downloaded another app that night. A familiar app with a flame, then another one with a bee. Only months into his new life in a new city with a new job, Levi was already bored— and if he had to admit it—terribly, terribly lonely.
And maybe the best way to cure it was to spend the whole night swiping.
***
Finding a companion wasn’t as easy as desperation and a few second long rush of confidence made it out to be.
Perhaps, online dating was a rash idea, an uncharacteristic move.
Didn't he reject Petra years ago? How could he date anyone else? Petra… How is she… With nothing much to do but wait for his date, he found himself texting Petra as he waited in the cafe.
He sent a few thank you messages at her well wishes. They exchanged brief updates and Petra’s own updates dragged on for longer.
Her life was more eventful than his.
Petra had started dating Oluo. She had found someone who loved her, just as much as she loved him. Keeping a correspondence with her only highlighted points for reflection for Levi. The more he reflected, the more questions came up. The more he reflected, the more complicated the questions became.
He was lonely but could he be picky? At the same time, did he even have the heart to put anyone through the shitty experience of a half hearted courtship?
Hange’s words echoed in his head, not in any specific string, a few parts in words, a few parts in phrases.
Considering the circumstances… Love is a choice.
When he let her words echo through him, he managed to grip a presence long gone. A presence and a relationship, he clarified, that had never been his in the first place.
He never did completely brush away the guilt that accompanied every passing thought of Hange. There was this strange acceptance though that appended it, and it had him a little more discerning, a little more prudent.
If he couldn’t have her, he could always just keep her close in his own personal way.
“Have you heard of the love alarm?”
How long had she been there? How long had she been talking?
Right, Levi was on a date. She had said words before that question and Levi could have sworn they had exchanged greetings even before that.
“In passing,” Levi said. He manifested some reality from the words, as if a firm response was enough to forget decades worth of overtime and testing.
“It’s this application we can use to test compatibility… So at least we know if this could work.”
Levi listened with some fake intent as she explained how the love alarm worked. He made sure to nod at points where her tone had gone a little higher or louder.
“What do you think?” There was some finality to her voice, an expectant look on her face.
Levi hummed in thought.. “I don’t believe in using an app to check compatibility. What about when we consider circumstances? Get to know each other… Then decide if it could work?”
She looked at her phone for a second, then back at Levi, her brows furrowed in confusion.
Levi shook his head. “Sorry, I just don’t believe in things like the love alarm, it seems just like horoscopes or Myer Briggs to me. Compatibility, relationships, they’re just gonna be choices we make anyway.” He found himself guiltily looking away as he said those last points.
The pout that played at his date’s lips was evidence enough, there probably wouldn’t be a second date. “It’s not like our love alarm’s would have rung anyway,” she said.
It had been a while since Levi dated though and he started to realize, maybe his filter and his social skills had rusted just a bit.
***
Love is a choice.
It looked like he might have been the only one to believe that. He had managed to piss off countless other dates with his own ‘love is a choice’ schtick.
And he had been dating semi regularly for the past year already. Yet, nothing was coming up fruitful.
How the hell did Hange even manage to get married? Or maybe Hange had just been the exception. He then concluded, Hange just had too many other loveable qualities which could make anyone want to snap her up early on.
The more he entertained the thought of Hange, the heavier his own chest became. Then he stopped entertaining her then the cycle would start again, a very vicious cycle.
It just so happened that sometimes the thought of ‘Hange’ manifested as some domineering thought. ‘Love is a choice’ and the strange sensation that came with his whole body protesting, rebelling in their own little way worked hand in hand.
He was confused and consequently desperate enough to open the mood alarm for some inkling of comprehension. He would focus on the way the colors switched among one another, disappearing, always revealing a yellow and a light blue dancing between one another then always ending with a light blue.
Sometimes he was blue. Sometimes he was green.
Ane he continued to check. After all, he mood alarm had become a beautiful and constant companion. He had deleted the love alarm but kept the mood alarm close.
“What do you think of the love alarm?”
How many people are gonna ask about that fucking application?
Zeke had just been a little too good at marketing. It was the nth time someone had broken the ice of a first date with that fucking question and Levi regretted not making a drinking game out of it. Maybe he would have been able to drink enough to forget that cursed product.
“Are you okay?” his new date asked.
He had spent the past few minutes too silent, not thinking. “Nifa…” That was her name right? He cleared his throat. “I’m fine.”
She looked as nervous as he did, or even more nervous. That part was comforting at least. In a way, her demeanor seemed a little more pleasant, more genuinely curious than wary. “I asked just a second ago, have you ever used that love alarm?” she said in response.
Levi followed the same script. "In passing."
“Would you like to try it out? Just to make sure we’re on the same page, relationship wise.”
“I’d rather we relied on circumstances and compatibility to make the choice for us. Get to know each other maybe…” When it came to suggestions, Levi had revised his script just a bit. Too many people got offended by his invalidating horoscopes and Myer Briggs type for some weird reason. “Like get to know each other, like…” Levi trailed off for a second, allowing himself a pregnant pause. ”... Elizabeth and Darcy?”
Nifa had cocked her head to the side curiously, thought for a long second and smiled just a bit wider. “You read Pride and Prejudice?”
Levi nodded subtly. “A while back,.”
She paused for a second, seeming deep in thought. “Well… Now that I think about it, you might be right,” Nifa said. “This compatibility thing… Your idea of love. I think it makes sense.”
“Really? You think so?”
“Yeah, why?” Nifa asked.
Levi dropped his shoulders in relief, the weight of at least a hundred failed dates fell off his shoulders. “I’ve been dating for years and I feel like you’re the only one who actually said that.”
Nifa didn’t reply immediately and the longer Levi sat there, the more clearly he saw her face. Surprise morphed into something that seemed more like pity. Then, the chronic pang in his chest came back.
A first love did that to people maybe? A painful first love lost had that special power to maybe just twist his own philosophies, to make him almost disgusted at his own creations and the way it had challenged his own convictions.
Are you scared? Levi thought to himself. He couldn’t be too sure how he was handling himself in front of Nifa. He looked down at his hands, opening and closing them a few times and if he looked closely, he could almost feel those uncomfortable twinges in his wrist that came from years of coding.
“I’m willing to put the time into it if you are.” Nifa’s voice was more gentle and it flowed as if she had sensed the stiffness in his voice.
Levi didn’t respond immediately and suddenly their little corner of the crowded cafe was eerily silent. There was a melancholy that had blanketed their little corner despite the Saturday afternoon crowd.
Nifa seemed like she was trying to break away from it with some light conversation. “Hey, have you heard of the mood alarm?”
“The mood alarm?” Levi let that half smile creep up his lips, just high enough to be more invisible than obvious. Three words from a stranger and his emotions were reduced to a mess.
He once again felt that twinge again at his rests and that sleepless night, and her. He was remembering her in his office through sleepy exhausted eyes, with a cocktail dress and a sandwich bag in one hand.
There was also something amusing and painfully ironic about hearing his own brainchild, from someone so casually, as if it had turned into some household name while he wasn’t looking.
The conversation was getting painful, painfully interesting and the masochist in Levi was gripping him and pulling him back to reality. “Like the love alarm…” Levi added.
“Well, they’re products from the Jaeger corporation… You know the Jaeger family right?” Nifa added.
Levi could only be thankful he hadn’t been sipping at his tea then. He probably could have choked. How could he ever forget Zeke Jaeger?
He might have gotten a lot better at hiding his own disgust or Nifa could have been too deep in thought. She continued to talk. “They bought Love Alarm a few years back.”
“I know the Jaeger family,” Levi said.
“So you know about their eldest son, the heir of the Jaeger corporation… And his partner?”
Levi took a sip of tea, not bothering to respond.
Nifa may have taken that as a ‘no.’“His partner was working towards a PhD in psychology and apparently that was her final project. The codes for the mood alarm are very similar to the love alarm apparently."
“Oh?” Levi asked, feigning interest.
Soon, it turned into something genuine. Nifa was offering new information. “She got the PhD a few years ago and soon after that, the application was launched. And now they’re launching a solution for hospitals.”
“What kind of solution?” Levi asked.
“Wait, have you ever used the mood alarm? Or do you know how it works?” Nifa asked. “Anyway, I realized I ended up digressing here… The point I was trying to make is, the one who developed the mood alarm was able to prove that whatever measurements they use for the love alarm, are related to emotions. And what if, understanding how we feel when we work towards a relationship is a better determinant of whether the relationship could work?”
Levi nodded quickly, an attempt to be polite. At that point though, he wasn’t too interested in the point she had been trying to make “I’m familiar with the application and how it works. But you mentioned something about a solution for hospitals…” He didn’t think it was worth lying. He didn’t need a long winded explanation of the alarm he made. He needed an explanation of what Hange had been making."
Nifa didn’t seem to get the message. “So, the application will determine your emotions for you--- I have one right now and we could use it over time to articulate how we feel.” She pulled out her phone and dropped it on the table. “I think analyzing our own emotions would do a better job than relying on how the love alarm processes the emotions.”
There was something surreal about seeing a user explain it to him, as if they knew it more than him.
For a while, he couldn’t help but just entertain the possibility that in her own way, Nifa may have known more. With someone explaining and demonstrating, he was more easily able to make sense of the changes that had been implemented since Hange acquired it.
The app icon was reminiscent of the love alarm, two rings around it but instead of a heart in between, there was an icon, an elegant cross between a flower and a color wheel.
Red. Blue. Yellow. In between the primary colors were purple, green and orange.
Nifa activated it and held the phone between her fingertips. Just like the night when Levi had first played with it, the colored blobs swam amongst one another again, each blob would disappear one by one, leaving the remaining colors.
Yellow and Orange. “Looks like I’m happy,” Nifa commented. “So apparently the new dashboard allows us to connect this reading on the phone to a PC and get a more detailed explanation, numbers, heart rate, all the like.”
“You seem to know a lot about the app,” Levi mused.
Nifa cocked her head to one side. “Well, I’m into psychology too. I work as a psychologist in one of the hospitals. Our hospital is one of the first ones to buy software licenses so I’ve done my research.” She hummed, looking straight at him for a second as if studying him. “Now that I think about it, your job wasn’t on your profile. What do you do for a living?”
Levi’s response was automatic. “IT work.” He was suddenly self conscious about even mentioning the word ‘developer.’
“Ooooh... So you’d probably figure out how this app works much faster than I would.” Nifa sighed. “And you could probably help reassure me about this."
“Reassure you about what?”
“I’m honestly pretty nervous about rolling out this software.”
“Why?”
“Well, it’s relatively new, a few bugs would come up here and there.”
“All softwares are going to face new bugs with every update. It’s never ending,” Levi said nonchalantly.
“Spoken like a true IT guy,” Nifa joked. She took a sip of her shake and stared down at his tea and up at him again. “Say, since you’re in IT, you think you can hook us up with someone?”
“Hook you up with someone?” Levi asked. His mind was going places more suited for a tinder date than a conversation on career. He raised one eyebrow in question. He couldn’t be too sure of what she meant just yet.
It looked like she had started to understand that double entendre. Nifa blushed then let out a cough. “No, no. Our company is looking to build a small support team.”
“An IT support team?” Levi asked.
“Well, people who could focus on learning the product, dealing with whatever bugs, testing them, compiling them and sending them over to the Mood Alarm team. You think you’d know anyone tech savvy? Maybe familiar with how biotechnology works?
“I could try to look around…” Levi said.
“Great!” Nifa chimed
By some magic, the conversation shifted elsewhere. Nifa had a way with conversation, keeping some sort of a flow, talking about her own job and getting him to talk about his freelance projects.
Levi’s thoughts on the hospital solution though were an ubiquitous part of his mind space.That was the whole point of the investment right? Back then, Zeke and Hange had plans on selling it to hospitals.
And there was a free trial. That night, Levi had been curious enough to click the ‘book a free trial button’ and to even fill out the first few lines.
Organization name? He didn't have one.
Purpose? To catch up with his own brain child maybe.
He ended up staring at the blank screen for a while, wondering where the hell he would get an organization and a valid purpose.
He wanted to check it out, he really did. And he was a little salty that they required a background check before they even allowed trials for a project he created.
Curiosity became desperation. With desperation, came creativity, audacity. He took his phone with the intention of just asking Nifa a few questions, only to see there was an unread message from her.
Thanks for today! I had a lot of fun. Hopefully, we can plan something soon. I might be busy with work this week but maybe the week after?
Levi stared at her message and composed a quick reply, pleasantries forgotten.
You mentioned something about IT support openings in the hospital...
***
The hiring manager introduced himself as Moblit but he didn't say much else. Instead, he spent the next few minutes looking through Levi's resume, his brow wrinkled.
"Is there something wrong with my resume?" Levi asked, breaking the silence. He had kept it minimalistic, only sticking to odd jobs the past five years.
Moblit shook his head. "Nothing, it just doesn't look like you have support role experience."
"Do I need experience in a support role? I think I'm familiar enough with how apps work to stand in as one," Levi said. Should he mention that he had done the support work before?
"So you've compiled tickets, sent them over to developers?"
I'm the developer who deals with those bullshit tickets. He thought to himself. On the outside though, he nodded and leaned a bit more forward on the table. It wasn’t too difficult to show interest. He was genuinely interested, having given in to that curiosity-turned-desperation.
"Well, if you're interested in taking the job then…” Moblit said. “Let's see how much you know about the mood alarm app." He opened a folder. "It's a relatively new solution, so I don't expect you to know much but if you've heard of the love alarm?"
"I have."
"Well they're from the same corporation…"
Information on their history flew into one ear and out the other. "Do you have any more questions for me?" Levi asked. He could have interrupted Moblit there but he didn’t want to hear about a history he actually experienced first hand.
Moblit cleared his throat. "Well, if you could tell me how you think the mood alarm works? Then I’ll give you a list of common bugs and can you tell me how you will go about raising them to developers?
***
Six years hadn’t done much to make him forget. He had been working with the love alarm for almost a decade after all.
And the mood alarm? He had a strange connection to it, he couldn’t explain.
The code wasn’t open source. Of course it wouldn’t. That was an enterprise application and they wouldn’t want any hacker just randomly getting it. Yet, why did he feel so offended at not having access?
“Hey Levi, how would you handle this?”
“Handle what?” Levi didn’t look up from his monitor immediately. The voice and the question have all were all too familiar and it wasn’t urgent anyway.
“Levi, take a look…” Farlan seemed more frustrated than a second ago.
Levi looked at Farlan’s screen. Another display issue. He was all too familiar with the bugs and it looked like the love alarm and the mood alarm were coming up with the same issues. “Click the activate button three times really fast, right click the desktop, select inspect and take a screenshot. We send it over to the developers on the mood alarm team,” Levi said. That had become routine after a while, yet somehow, his two colleagues Farlan and Isabel were still asking questions.
Maybe because he was the only one who understood what the hell the developers needed to see to actually get to the bottom of the problem.
“Make sure to check it in both light mode and dark mode,” Levi said. “And also, there’s a known bug for the phone app, check if turning on the alarm affects your ability to receive notifications from other apps.” Those words had sent a wave of nostalgia through him. That was one of the bugs he had gotten around to fixing with the love alarm.
“Hey...”Isabel’s voice sounded from next to him. Levi turned around, almost jumping when he saw she had been close enough to look over his shoulder. “What are you researching?”
It wouldn't look good if he slacked off at work in front of colleagues a good few years his junior. Levi closed the tab. “Just my own research on mood alarm.” And when he looked at his codes a little longer, then back at Isabel who seemed almost confused, Levi realized it had looked more like extra work than anything else.
He spent the whole morning on ‘extra work, watching the API calls, making notes to himself to check the codes he had sent Hange years back just to see how much had changed.
“You finished all your tasks today and you still wanna do research on the mood alarm?” Farlan asked, a look of utter amazement on his face.
“What can I say? This app is pretty interesting.” it wasn’t a lie. Watching the growth of his own child from afar, was a fun thing to do.
“It honestly feels like you’ve done this type of work before."
“I did something similar,” Levi said.
“What kind of place did you work in before?” Isabel asked excitedly, her tasks also forgotten.
“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Levi answered, his tone unchanged.
“Something like the love alarm?”
Levi nodded. “Maybe that’s the reason I can figure things out pretty fast,” he said. The best plan of action was to digress.
“So that means we could make you handle the harder cases?” Farlan snickered.
“I’d rather you learn how to deal with others on your own,” Levi said. “I’ve worked with these apps for a long time. The bugs never end.”
***
“Moblit’s saying you’re doing a pretty good job picking out the bugs,” Nifa spoke above the bustle of the lunch time crowd.
“Are we?” Levi asked. He kept his words brief, not wanting to waste too much energy speaking over the others in the hospital cafeteria.
“Well, he was talking about you mostly,” Nifa said. “Most big issues get resolved with each release. And Moblit was saying that our support team just gives really good feedback.”
“The developers do the work. All we do is find the bugs.” Levi started to pick more meticulously at his salad
Nifa shook her head. “I think the support team deserves credit too. It’s difficult figuring out whether issues are user issues or there’s really a bug. Isabel also told me you find ways to reproduce it quickly.”
“Do I?” His responses were getting less and less creative. There just wasn’t much to say and the compliments were making him more and more uncomfortable by the second.
Moblit was a life saver. He had broken out of the crowd, running to Nifa, an urgent but excited expression on his face. “Nifa, you’ve got to hear this.”
Levi used that brief distraction to shovel more salad into his mouth.
Moblit had spoken just beneath the sounds of other conversations and Levi couldn’t make out what he had said. He did make out the urgency in Nifa’s face and the excitement. Whatever Moblit had said was contagious.
“When are they coming?” Nifa asked, her voice much louder than Moblit’s.
Levi stood up, gathering his plate, his utensils and his unfinished salad. “If I’m not supposed to be in this conversation…”
Moblit shook his head. “Levi, no, please stay. I’d rather you hear this since this is related to your line of work too.”
“Why?” Levi raised one eyebrow.
“Zeke Jaeger and his partner Doctor Hange Zoe, they’re planning to visit,” Moblit said.
Levi couldn’t even tell what expression he had on then.
Maybe Moblit had interpreted shock as confusion. “Zeke Jaeger is the owner of the love alarm. Hange Zoe’s the creator of the mood alarm… In case you didn't know.”
***
“Hey, I wanna see her… Is this how she looks like?” Isabel’s voice was a whisper, a very loud whisper. “She looks smart.”
Farlan’s voice wasn’t any softer. “Well, that’s what you’d expect from the mastermind behind the mood alarm right? I heard Zeke Jaeger bought her the love alarm so she could look through the code and make the mood alarm for herself.”
“Where did you hear that?” Isabel asked.
“Watch the interviews.”
The click and clack of the keyboard. Then there was the sound of voices coming from the loud speaker from Farlan’s computer.
Then Hange’s very familiar voice.
Levi didn’t want to listen. “You know, if you spend too much time looking through this. You’re not gonna get anything done.” He forced his voice into something louder than what he was comfortable with. “Don’t you two have other tasks to do?”
“Aren’t you excited to meet them?” Isabel rolled her chair next to Levi.
No way in hell am I meeting them. “I’m planning on taking a leave,” he said.
“Wait, why?” Isabel seeming heartbroken, as if Levi taking a leave was the most terrible thing in the world.
“Well, as employees we’re entitled to leaves right?” Levi asked emotionlessly, willing himself not to at all be affected by Isabel’s puppy dog face.
Farlan sighed. “You’re the best one at this type of work among the three of us. You know, this is a good opportunity for you to get noticed.”
“I don’t wanna get noticed,” Levi said, as he focused back again on the screen, refreshing their ticketing software a little bit faster that time. It really was an uneventful afternoon. He couldn’t blame Farlan and Isabel for doing nothing.
“It’s a big money, a chance at a big career move,” Farlan said, raising his voice as if that could have done anything to convince Levi.
Levi looked up from the monitor and back to Farlan. “Do you really want me out of here?”
Farlan shrugged. “I dunno, you just seem too overqualified for this kind of job.”
Levi sighed. “Believe me, I’m happy to be here.” He continued to click refresh, just in case anything could have halted that already seemingly awkward conversation. The reason why he didn’t want to run into Zeke or Hange… Was it written all over his face?
Just in case Farlan and Isabel were mind readers, Levi kept quiet, kept his eyes glued on the screen and he prayed the day would get busier somehow.
It did. But it got busy so close to the end of the day and overtime seemed inevitable.
“We’re not receiving any readings.”
The same exact fucking line, from ten different customers from different hospital branches around the country. “You’re fucking kidding me,” Levi muttered.
He opened all the test devices, only to find, none of them were receiving readings from the mood alarm either. He was sure though, he was annoyed, very very annoyed. Maybe even angry. “Try testing,” he ordered.
Farlan and Isabel were more emotional than he was. If it didn’t work for them, it probably wasn’t working at all.
They had full trust on him. Isabel and Farlan nodded and they went through the devices quickly. All test devices exhausted and there was nothing much to do. Levi was convinced it was an issue that could only be investigated on the backend. “We’re done for the day.”
“We have to send a report right?”
Levi started to pack his bag. “Send a report saying we’re not getting any readings,” he said with a shrug. “It’s probably a backend issue or an issue with their API.”
“You sure we can’t do anything from our side?” Farlan pressed.
Levi shook his head. “None.” He logged out, slung his backpack over his shoulder and exited the office.
He sensed their disappointment in him. In his months working there, Levi had never left the office without doing a thorough investigation and writing a detailed report.
That might be the first time in months, they would give something completely unhelpful for the developers. That wasn’t Levi’s intention though. There were just some things that were better off investigated on his own personal PC.
For the first time in a while, Levi didn’t go straight for the shower when he arrived back home. He booted up his own PC. When he checked his cloud account, he found the private repository with all the codes from the love alarm and the mood alarm was still there.
It hadn’t been touched in years though.
He scrolled through the code, allowing that wave of nostalgic to wash over him gently. Having been the only one who worked on the base, Levi was very very familiar with it. Memories came quickly with the nostalgia. There was a point where the server was down and he remembered the hundreds of support tickets about the temporarily malfunctioning love alarm.
No readings were coming through. Levi did a quick calculation of the time zones of his own city and of the mood alarm headquarters. Then he looked through the code again.
Convinced that it was a fair theory, Levi opened his pseudo email, entered the support email for the mood alarm and left just one sentence on the email body.
I’m convinced one of your devs left a debugger on one of these codes on the backend.
A few years ago, he had been guilty of leaving a debugger running overnight, fucking up the whole command system of the love alarm.
He copied and pasted a part of the code and the sent the email off. For all he knew, the mood alarm could have branched off far from the love alarm, rendering his theory completely stupid. Still, it was a theory worth entertaining.
The issues from work forgotten, Levi started to open his other emails, finding one from Petra on the third page, dated months ago.
Just a reminder that he hadn’t opened that email in months. “A wedding invite?”
Petra Ral and Oluo Bozado invite you to celebrate their wedding…
He didn’t need the rest of it to convince himself to go. He only needed to look at the date under, conveniently a week after Hange and Zeke were scheduled to visit the hospital where he worked.
He sent off two emails that night.
One to Petra, a very very late RSVP.
Then one to management, a request for a two week leave. For personal reasons.
A wedding always made a good personal reason. That was probably only half his actual personal reason though.
***
“I didn’t even expect you to come.” Petra seemed happy.
It could have been the make up or her natural blush. She was a glowing bride, glowing bright enough that Levi was starting to feel lonely.
“It’s been a while,” Levi said. “And you two are looking good.”
“How’s life abroad?” Petra asked.
“It’s fine,” Levi said.
“You adjusted well?” Petra asked again.
“Yeah, I guess I did.” Levi took a sip of his wine.
“You managed to get a software engineering job there?” That time it was Oluo who asked.
“Something similar,” Levi said. He started to shake his glass a bit, feigning deep consideration. Maybe that would explain his inability to respond. In truth, he was in no mood to make conversation but when the bride and the groom had gone out of their way to sit next to him on the bench outside their party, and they had gone through all the trouble of asking, it was only polite that he kept his side of the conversation.
Somewhere along the exchanges, Petra brought up a question. And whether it had been appropriate or not, Levi couldn’t tell but he thought it worth an answer at least.
“Have you met anyone?” Petra asked.
“What?” Levi responded.
“I dunno… I guess someone who makes you feel good? Someone who manages to ring your love alarm?” Petra gave him a knowing look.
Levi only had to shift his gaze from Petra to the seemingly blank face of Oluo to know, Petra had at least kept that part to herself. To the others, his alarm ringing with Hange could have been just a bug.
Levi shook his head. “I haven’t touched the love alarm in years,” he admitted.
Petra seemed more understanding. “We haven’t touched it in years either.”
Levi raised his eyebrows. “Really?”
Petra stared ahead, looking deep in thought. She turned to Oluo. “Well, I guess a part of us wanted to build this organically, get to know each other first. And maybe that’s the best way to find people. I think the love alarm just causes unnecessary chaos sometimes.”
Levi only had to look back at his past five years to see it. To be honest, he could actually put the blame on the love alarm for completely uprooting his life. He couldn't say he totally agreed though. He didn’t regret the time with Hange either.
But he wasn’t going to deny her credit where credit was due. “You make sense.”
It wasn’t as simple as that though. Somehow, Hange’s own words had torn into the silence. Just for him. The love alarm causes chaos but sometimes it can tie loose ends.
And for him, it had been both. It had caused chaos but somehow, meeting Hange, having gotten to know her, having gotten to talk to her had tied some loose ends inside him.
What kind of loose ends? He couldn’t be too sure.
“Even when you don’t use the love alarm now, have you met other people?” Petra was still very interested in his love life.
Oluo should have been silently uncomfortable about that. Levi couldn’t tell with a quick glance.
“I’ve met a few people though… There’s someone named Nifa,” Levi said,
“Next time you come here, you’ll take her for a visit? Make sure to introduce us to her?” Petra asked.
“Or maybe next time, it will be us visiting,” Oluo added.
The brief conversation ended soon after, with a few exchanged greetings and a promise to bring Nifa. In case something ever happened between him and NIfa.
By the end of the night, he had made a promise to himself not to use that love alarm to find his next love.
Petra was right, the love alarm could cause unnecessary chaos. Besides, love is a choice right?
***
Levi came back from his very relaxing two week leave to two words that made his stomach turn.
Doctor Zoe. That was what Farlan and Isabel called her.
“Doctor Zoe…” Levi repeated. The words tasted unfamiliar. Suddenly, the road trip, the beach trip and just the quiet meetings in the cafe all seemed like just a fevered dream.
“And she stopped to talk to all of us!” Isabel sang, her eyes filled with wonder. “You should have stayed. I swear, I feel like you would have gotten along. She never stops talking. You two could have talked about the mood alarm for hours.”
“She sounds tiring to be with,” Levi said, an attempt at a halfhearted reply.
Farlan grinned, an alarmingly knowing expression on his face. “Don’t lie, you would have enjoyed at least listening. You’re way more enthusiastic about the mood alarm than we are.”
“I’m just being a good employee.” Levi shook his head, as if that was enough to erase the regret that shoved itself into his throat and down to his chest.
“She really made sure to talk to everyone,” Isabel said. “And she stayed for a few days longer. Maybe the plans changed since she went alone.”
“Wait, she came alone?” Levi said. Don’t regret. Don’t you dare regret leaving.
Farlan nodded in response. “Moblit explained this to us before they came.” He turned to Isabel as if expecting some explanation from her.
“I can’t be too sure either, I’ve only heard a bit about it. And rich people like the Jaegers, they like to keep their personal lives a secret right?” Isabel answered.
Farlan shrugged. “Anyway, from what Moblit told me, they intended to visit all the major customers including our hospital chain. They’ve been planning this tour for months, maybe even years but Doctor Zoe ended up going alone.”
“Did you ever find out why?” Levi kept his voice soft, anything louder and he might just look more invested. He turned back to the unopened tickets on his screen. From his peripherals, he could see Farlan and Isabel exchanging glances.
It was Farlan who spoke up. “I have a theory.”
“Tell me,” Levi said.
“They fought.”
“Okay, couples fight.” Levi continued to click at the tickets, opening them one by one, just to feel productive.
“Yeah, but it must have been a big fight right?” Isabel added. “I did some research on Doctor Zoe after we met her and apparently, they were having problems even years ago. Apparently, there are rumors that her husband bought the love alarm to save their marriage.”
“Where the hell did you get that info?” Farlan sounded incredulous.
Isabel chuckled mischievously. “The dark, dark internet.”
“That can’t be true.” Farlan shook his head in disbelief.
“I can’t really prove it anymore. A lot of the threads online that actually discuss this get taken down by the admin. But I swear, now that I think about it, it does make sense. I read some articles, no one expected Zeke Jaeger to buy the love alarm… Some said he did it to save the love alarm after a major bug showed up that could have prevented PR….Apparently, there was a certain point a few years ago, where there were photos of Doctor Zoe with another man. I tried looking for the photos but I can’t find them anymore.”
“You really got invested in her love life huh?”
Isabel groaned. “I couldn’t help it. She seemed so nice and she talked to us a lot even when we were just support, she took the time to teach us and she’s just so humble…”
“But what if she really did cheat on her husband?” Farlan challenged. “I mean, the rumors have to have been there for a reason right?”
“Do you think she looks like the type to cheat?” Isabel asked. “That very honest and open face?”
Farlan coughed in surprise. “She doesn’t for sure---but rumors don’t come out of nowhere right?”
“You two, go back to work,” Levi said. While the two had been working, he had been assigning tickets to them, an ingenious way to compose himself.
“Wait not yet, what do you think Levi? You might have better intuition than we do.”
“Intuition?” Levi repeated, one eyebrow raised.
“Does she really look like the type to cheat?” Farlan asked.
Levi continued to stare at the screen, not willing to risk showing them whatever expression played at his face then. “I didn’t meet her. You two did so you’re better qualified to answer that question. Tell me, does she look like the type to cheat?”
Farlan paused for a second, then narrowed his eyes at Levi. “I think I have a question which you might be more qualified to answer,” Farlan said. “You’re pretty good at finding bugs. Have you ever done research on the love alarm bug? What do you think the bug was… The one which made Zeke Jaeger buy the app?”
“I don’t think there was a bug,” Levi said.
“What do you mean?” Farlan pressed.
“Get back to work you two.” Levi kept his voice firm, loud and authoritative. Something he would have rather not done, if it hadn’t been for the weight which came with what should have been a light piece of gossip, and his whittling ability to keep a stoic demeanor.
The deep dark internet. Levi watched his two companions. Their eyes were once again fixed on the screen, Farlan’s fingers were flying over the keyboard, Isabel was playing with some test device.
Deep enough at work for Levi to take his own quick break. He opened an incognito tab and put his headphones on.
One video or one article, and he’d get back to work. He found an interview, the opening questions had been the same familiar ones Farlan had been playing on speaker months ago.
He played the first few questions at twice the speed. He knew the answers already.
What inspired you to make the mood alarm?
“Love alarm… Codes… Yadayadayada…” Levi muttered just a loud enough for himself. Hange had been careful not to mention anything about a developer. He could see the way she had shifted gazes for just a second, seeming uncomfortable.
He couldn’t blame her. Isabel had said so herself, in the deep dark internet, maybe there were rumors of an affair.
And some journalists were aware.
Personal Life? Around the point that someone asked about her personal life, Levi slowed the clip down. They had timed it, to the exact point where Hange had tensed up and looked away for just a second.
“Can you tell us about your relationship with Zeke Jaeger? How has it been?”
“How did you feel when you realized he bought you the love alarm? Is it true he bought it to win you back?”
Hange was admirably professional about it. “We’re digressing now,” she said with a light hearted tone, a laugh which seemed more rehearsed than actually Hange’s.
Is it true you had an affair with another man? It wasn’t loud enough for Hange to have heard it, just a sound among others. When Levi had been looking for that question and it rang more loudly for him. He rewinded the video a few times just to make sure.
What the hell… No we didn’t… We. Didn’t. Have. An. Affair.
“Levi, are you okay?” Isabel asked
“What?”
“You were talking to yourself just now.”
Levi quickly closed the tab as Isabel looked over his shoulder. “Nothing, just looking at tickets,” he said. He went back to their ticketing application, opened a few more tickets and decided to table the research until later that evening.
***
The deep, dark internet.
With his own personal wifi and his own VPN, Levi had more wriggle room to dig deeper.
There was a mention of a fight, a marriage on the rocks, and the rumors only grew from there. The more Levi found, the more courage he mustered. It turned out, the process of scrolling through threads, joining chat groups had been nothing but liberating.
Liberating but infuriating.
The internet was an aggregate of bad takes and the occasional good one. From bad takes came horrible half baked rumors.
I swear, if they end up divorcing…
Jaeger should have dumped her fucking ass from the start.
Slut…
Whore…
Hange Zoe. Fucking gold digger.
There were rumors that she had manipulated Zeke for the money. Rumors that she had only married him to complete her PhD.
Levi quickly went through those.
Some of the people were nice though and Levi read those comments a little more slowly.
The mood alarm was Zoe’s deal.
The money Jaeger put into was a donation.
If they’re not happy, let them divorce.
And there were videos, particularly zoomed videos in events of Zeke and Hange in conventions and conferences, the latest one only a few months ago. Before Hange had visited the hospital.
In the most recent one, they were talking, just at the corner behind the stage, still visible from the camera. Levi rewinded the video again and again just to confirm their identity.
The Hange on the screen seemed indignant. Zeke had pulled her in by the waist, she pulled away. In response, Zeke had once again gone for her hands, pulling her towards him.
Just like back in the school gym.
It was different, that time in the gym Hange had been accepted yet determined at the same time. The Hange on the video, or the least, the one he could make out from the flailing of her hands, the stamping of her food on the ground, the moment she had pulled away then turned away was telling.
Hange wasn’t accepting anything anymore.
Levi scrolled through the comments.
If Hange Zoe divorces Zeke Jaeger… If she keeps possession of the mood alarm... she’s a gold digger.
She needed Jaeger funds to complete PhD… It’s Zeke Jaeger’s PhD not hers lmao XD
It was around the fifth most liked comment when Levi closed the tab, not bothering to bookmark the site. That was enough internet toxicity for the day.
***
“You’re transferring me?” Levi had ended up preempting the discussion.
Nifa and Moblit looked at each other, then back at him. Then Nifa nodded.
Moblit shook his head, creating some confusion. “No, we wanted your opinion on this first. The city we’ll be transferring you to isn’t very… convenient.”
“But you will be paid more,” Nifa said.
Since no one actually wants to live there. A fact no one actually admitted during those types of meetings but Levi had been in corporate long enough to know.
“And it’s just for a few years,” Moblit said, his tone, a tone of reassurance more than actual confidence. “Our hospital got special permission to do testing and research and we’ll need one support guy there. This is an important project for our hospital so...”
Levi had done a quick google search of the city under the table, a name he never heard of, and just the picture of a very sleepy town with not many buildings with even two floors was indicative. There was a reason why Moblit and Nifa seemed uncertain about a transfer.
There wasn’t much he did anyway in that city. How could moving away be any different?
“What’s this research about?” Levi asked.
Moblit responded to that more clearly and more confidently. “We’re planning to do further research, create programs for kids who grew up in difficult households to help them process emotions better. We’re starting with a few kids, on a small research facility up north… And having someone on call would be helpful.”
It didn’t take much to convince Levi after that. “There isn’t much for me to miss here anyway.” Really, he would have taken that transfer even without the pay raise.
***
There was peace and quiet which came with living in the middle of nowhere. Peace and quiet had a way of making Levi unbearably bored yet at the same time more perceptive as to why the hell no one wanted to live there in the first place.
Winters were cruel, with snow piling up meters high. Even in the summers, the sky was overcast and in all four seasons, the air still found a way to be suffocatingly dry.
Someone mentioned something about lake effects and something about rain shadows, and Levi couldn’t really tell which one was it. He wasn’t a scientist after all.
He was human though, a very simple minded human with no science degree. So he let the weather affect his moods, maybe even affect his long term philosophies in life. His current environment was too different from the bustling city he grew up in, or the other urban jungle he had lived the past five years of his life, he deemed his new home, the epitome of the middle of nowhere.
It was completely unfamiliar and by some psychological consequence to Levi, it was too far flung from his old life for Levi to even entertain anything about his old life, beyond work. So it became easier to take a more pragmatic approach at reminiscing.
A few months into his transfer, he had even started reading articles on Zeke and Hange again.
Billionaire Zeke Jaeger finalizes divorce would Mood Alarm founder Hange Zoe.
Then the comments section:
That was fast.
I knew it, Zoe’s a gold digger.
There was the string of names, whore, sluts, cheaters and gold diggers that never made too much sense as sentences. So Levi quickly closed the tab.
You actually did it. He thought to himself. And when he thought a little longer about it, he realized he did feel happy for her.
Happy? Sad? Disappointed? Out of curiosity, he opened his own mood alarm and clicked activate. It glowed with a bright green.
He could have been happier.
Levi decided to blame the sky for his fickle mood. That grey view that stretched far unimpeded by any of the surrounding low rising buildings, only ending by the mountains that seemed hundreds of miles away.
The surrounding mountains and the large lake followed him to work. An overly scenic landscape that reminded him, the train back to the capital only came once a day, the train that passed through the next major city only passed three times a day.
And fucking hell, train tickets were expensive.
By some modern day definition, Levi really was trapped in the middle of nowhere.
The weather only made him more cynical, yet angrier at the tasteless comments under the news article on Zeke and Hange’s divorce. As he neared the research center, he ended up tabling that reflection with one sentence, something comforting yet oddly depressing.
Hange wouldn’t look for me. Then he brushed it away violently soon after. The audacity of even considering the prospect that he was important enough for her to want to search for him. Why would Hange care where he is?
The fact that Hange was followed by the press while he was trapped in the middle of nowhere was indicative enough. They were from two completely different worlds.
***
It may have taken months more, but what Levi clocked to a ‘bout of wanderlust’ eventually settled. He found, keeping himself busy with the right work had done wonders to placate the turmoil inside him.
Keeping busy somehow made it easier to sit up and get ready for work. It meant managing to desensitize his own moods to the weather around him.
Most importantly, it meant seeing some connection with the world, some sliver of motivation to go the extra mile with the people who worked with.
“Early as always, Ackerman.” Same greeting everyday.
“Morning to you too, Onyankopon,” Levi responded as he entered the irsmall office.
Onyankopon was a companion duringearly in the mornings, lunch times, late afternoons and sometimes, even the dinners when he would invite Levi out for a drink in the only bar for miles around.
Still, it made life remotely eventful when the only changing things had been the weather and his work.
And his work was very eventful.
“Uncle Levi! Did you find any bugs yesterday?” Just like every other morning, the two kids would burst through the door. Or more specifically, the brunette was always the one bursting through the door, the blonde just followed.
“Gaby, you might be bothering them,” Falco said. He said that at least three times a week.
Levi had never been the type anyway to tell them he didn’t mind their morning visits. It always meant something to look forward to.
“Nothing so far,” Levi said. He looked towards Onyakopon, the one in charge of reporting issues. “Hopefully.”
Onyankopon raised his hands in defense. “Don’t get mad at me, get mad at the devs who created the mood alarm in the first place."
Levi was constantly mad at the devs anyway, if he considered that constant state of self loathing. Working on the mood alarm as support had only made Levi realize how many shortcuts he had taken into making that damn application years ago.
“There’s nothing today,” Levi said as he looked at the two kids. “But I could give you a quick lesson,” he added. He couldn’t say no to the crestfallen faces of the two kids.
He dragged one seat next to him and guided Gaby to one of them and Falco to his own seat. “When I want to look for errors in the code, I look here first.” It was a terribly boring lesson, a useless one. Support 101. At the least, the kids seemed satisfied. “If I right click here, and then inspect, I can see what this website is made out of.”
Gaby let out a breath, a mix between a ‘wow’ and an ‘oh.’ “I can’t read it.”
“It’s another language,” Levi explained. “Computers don’t understand our language. So we have to learn another language to be able to talk to them. And when we’re able to tell them what we want, they’ll do things for us, things we can’t do ourselves.”
Gaby had asked more questions after that. Falco had asked his own too, albeit hesitantly.
The difference between the network and console tabs, the meanings of the strange brackets, what happens if they just aimlessly click…
That morning session ended with less than half the questions answered, and a promise to teach them more the next morning. Like every other day before, at eight in the morning, Onyankopon brought them to the activity room and Levi was left alone in the office.
There weren’t many people in the research center, only five employees in total. After all, there were only ten to twenty kids who came and went every day, a very manageable number for five people. He and Onyankopon shared an office and with Onyankopon busy a good chunk of the day, Levi was left alone.
With his own efficient working methods and his outstanding ability to quickly pick out the bugs, Levi was usually free for a cumulated five hours a day.
When he first started working there, his five hour long breaks consisted of reading novels or whatever stupid article came up on his timeline. He could have taken longer breaks yet chose to spend them as short sporadic bouts of inactivity
By spreading out periods of inactivity, Levi managed to somehow pacify the guilt at ‘doing nothing’ while being paid for the eight hours a day. There were times, it was strong, remnants maybe of his stint with the love alarm, barely taking leaves, willingly putting him through the pain of overtime.
Some days, they were particularly strong, sometimes incomprehensible that Levi suspected they could have been related to the burning curiosity, the burning attachment to his own application that never abated.
A burning attachment, a natural need to be productive eventually resulted in sporadic bouts of unproductivity spent just testing the mood alarm all for a brief look into his own emotions.
Even when he wasn’t feeling anything in particular, the application continued to glow colors, just flitting between greens and blues. They could have been yellows or oranges maybe, when Onyankopon or Gabi or Falco visited. He had never been the type to wear his heart on his sleeve though and thus, had never opened it with them around.
That day wasn’t any different. Alone in the office, he opened it again, held it in his hands and watched the colored blobs swim amongst each other, mix amongst one another, then disappear.
Blue or Green? That day it was blue. Why blue and why not green? He could never ask. ‘How’ was always an easier question to answer. He only had to connect his phone to the PC then boot up the dashboard.
His next break, he decided to try a visualization exercise, like every other time before.
Memories never seemed to do the trick. He’d take a risk and dive deep, into his memories with Hange, his anger at the situation, the loss of a life before. Yet it all came out greens and blues. The alarm rang, an almost deafening sound in the silent room and for a split second, it had Levi attentive and a little paranoid. Levi knew though, with the thick concrete walls around him, it was a sound just for him.
He connected his phone to the dashboard and booted the PC again.
There were numbers. He switched to a bar graph view, noting how there were terms, hormones and chemicals he could only barely make sense of. But the blue and the green bars higher than usual yet still very low were signs in themselves.
That morning was a normal morning. And every morning since he built that habit had been a normal morning.
The only thing which ended up different about that day was when footsteps sounded just outside the door. If Levi had been listening closely, he would have been able to point out, those weren't a rhythm of footsteps he was particularly privy too.
But normal mornings tended to desensitize people. Footsteps weren’t particularly interesting either.
In a town with only a few hundred people, it would most likely be someone who already lived there. He continued to work. He disconnected his phone from the dashboard and played with the mood alarm in his own phone again.
The door clicked open behind him, slowly enough for the creak to sound, then fast enough for the slam to come right after yet gently.
Onyankopon always opened the door a little wider, always slamming the door behind him and in between, there was always a greeting. If Levi had been more aware of his surroundings, maybe the lack of all that could have peaked his interest.
In the grand scheme of things though, the door slamming wasn’t anything particularly interesting. Levi continued to sit and stare at his phone.
“Levi Ackerman.”
A voice in an empty room though, was always an interesting thing. By some natural inclination towards voices, any presence in a room that was always his by mid morning, Levi was listening.
Making sense of the voice was a surprisingly slow process. The mood alarm reacted first.
The alarm sounded.
A wave climbed from his chest up until his neck, there was a bristle at the back of his neck, a tickle at his ears, then something pricked at his eyes. He looked down at the alarm before he could completely understand. The colors continued to swim then mix.
They always disappeared and finalized the reading in five seconds.
A second or two passed, and the colors still didn’t look at all in a hurry to disappear.
You’re going crazy Levi. He took a deep breath. He was dreaming. Because what the fuck. Of course she wouldn’t be here. She had an international company to run.
“Levi…” The voice sang. “That’s you right?”
Don’t look back.
“Or maybe there are just a lot of developers named Levi in this world… “ The footsteps were only getting closer. “Developers who are just really good at using the mood alarm.” Then the voice was right next to him.
When she had settled on that seat right at his peripherals, he couldn’t exactly chalk it up to a fevered dream. The mood alarm in his hands continued to ring. He could have sworn at least five seconds had passed. Yet the colors never disappeared, countless colors still swimming around on the interface as the mood alarm continued to read his emotions.
Levi had never been a master of articulation. The war of colors, the chaos on the phone were the best visual representation. He struggled to find the right words, but she continued to stare from his peripherals, her face many things at once.
Apologetic? Expectant?
“It is you,” she said, triumph and relief apparent in her tone.
That only pissed Levi off more. Another emotion added to his boiling pot. Eventually Levi thought it necessary to respond. With too little time, too little mindspace to even attempt to articulate, Levi kept himself to three words, the only three which could have meant everything at once.
“What the fuck.”
In response, she let out a soft laugh. “Are you crying?”
Crying? Now that Levi did think about it, there had been a crack in her voice too. Levi looked up to see her, smiling. Her eyes were smiling too. Then he followed the tear streak that barely grazed the side of her lip.
There was enough time, enough silence for Levi to gather himself. To stare at the reading on the application that couldn’t seem to decide what emotion Levi was feeling.
With enough self discipline, enough concentration, Levi managed to speak. “Hange, if you ask people why they’re crying, you’re just gonna make it worse.”
***
There was only one tea shop in the town, a tea shop which naturally, Levi had chosen as his favorite hang out spot.
Over the months, he had grown familiar with it and in turn, it had grown to become an intimate friend. An intimate friend he had never expected to ever introduce to Hange.
Onyankopon and Moblit had joined them for tea though, and suddenly, Hange didn’t feel like Hange. It could have been the way she shifted to an ‘all business’ demeanor or maybe a part of him was still trying to rationalize what he had deemed to be a very irrational thought.
Maybe he had imagined visiting the cafe with Hange a few times. The realist inside him though, had always believed it to be impossible. At that moment, the dreamer inside him was still taking its victory lap.
“You should have told us you’d be coming. We could have set up something better than late afternoon tea,” Onyankopon said. Either way, he seemed very happy to see them.
Moblit took a sip from his cup then revealed an apologetic smile underneath as he put the cup down. “Apologies for visiting all of a sudden. Doctor Zoe is a very impulsive person.”
Hange nodded. “I hope you don’t mind. As soon as I heard about this, I hopped on the next plane just to get here as soon as possible,” she said “I’m hoping to start something like this in the hospitals back home.”
Moblit put his cup down. “Right, I never got to properly introduce you to Levi.” He turned to Onyankopon then to Levi. “But I’m sure you’ve had a fair share of introductions… You did barge into his office this morning.” He had an apologetic look on his face.
“Hey, Doctor Zoe just wanted to see how we were using the software,” Onyankopon said in Hange’s defense. “I’m more than honored to see that the founder of the mood alarm is taking the time to even wander around our facility.”
Moblit cleared his throat. “Anyway, Levi, this is Doctor Hange Zoe, the founder of the mood alarm application. She visited our main hospital a year back but if I remember correctly, you were on leave right?”
“On a personal leave,” Levi clarified. He couldn’t find much else to say. He took a long sip of tea.
“This is Levi Ackerman,” Moblit said. “One of our best in IT support. He learned how to use your application pretty fast.”
“Yes…” Hange said. “And ever since you told me about him, I’ve been very excited to meet him.” Her grin only got wider as she studied his features, her eyes giving him a good once over. “I guess that’s the reason I ended up taking my own tour of the center while you too were catching up. I wanted to see your genius IT support in action,” she joked.
It was almost unbelievable that that morning, Hange had showed a completely different side to him. She had wiped her own tears pretty fast, shifting her expression to something very professional as soon as Onyankopon and Moblit had entered the office just that morning.
The whole afternoon, Hange was busy with activities and tours of the town, Levi busy with his own work. They barely got to talk. Fortunately, that had allowed Levi time to compose himself, enough to keep a straight face when Onyankopon had invited them over for some tea.
Then and there, there were conversations of partnerships and business, almost reminiscent to whatever bullshit he had to deal with in his old company. But this conversation had Hange, and Hange had shifted her gaze towards him enough times for Levi to feel it only proper to reciprocate.
“Once this project is over, would you consider letting Levi go?” Hange asked. “I’d love to have him visit our main office, maybe help out with some of our development work.”
Moblit shook his head vigorously. “No hesitation. It always felt like he was overqualified for this type of job.”
“By the way you talk about him, I can tell.” She looked at Levi knowingly, a silent form of communication just between both of them. She turned back to Moblit then Onyankopon, her face once again all business. “There are many things I hope to still improve with this application so any support on research, troubleshooting, development is very much appreciated.”
“What do you suggest?” Moblit asked.
A quick glance at Onyankopon and Levi knew he was asking the same question.
Hange put one finger to her chin in thought “A partnership…”
It looked like they had expected Hange to talk Levi’s ear off non stop about the application. Moblit had mentioned something about going straight home while Hange discussed the partnership with Levi, mentioning bugs, the debugger that had been stuck in the system and the bugs which Levi had been quick to point out.
Levi, being respectful, had only listened.
That was until Onyankopon and Moblit offered to walk ahead, leaving Levi and Hange alone on the red brick road overlooking the large lake.
It was early in the evening but it still felt like late afternoon. The sun never set until seven or eight during the mid months of spring.
Yet, the streets was empty, bereft of anything but the both of them.
With one quick scan of their surroundings, Hange turned back to him, she bit her lip and took a deep breath.
Her demeanor was suddenly a stark contrast with the enthusiastic, eloquent one back at a cafe. The sudden transformation was enough for Levi to tense up,
Hange spoke up. “This town really sleeps early,” she commented. “You're planning on going home now too?”
“I usually go home an hour earlier, especially on weekdays,” Levi responded. “I’m only out at this time because they invited me for late afternoon tea.” Technically it was dinner.
“Do you go home….” Hange started, she paused for a second, a very out-of-place pause. “To anyone?”
It took a lot of effort for Levi to resist choking or even letting out a ghost of a laugh at that question. I’m married to my job. That was the answer that popped into his mind out of instinct.
“Did I make it time?” Hange added a second later, only reminding Levi that he hadn’t even mustered a glimmer of answer.
“Make it in time?” Levi asked, in an attempt to stall for time.
“Petra…”
“She married Oluo.”
Hange didn’t seem satisfied. “Is there someone else…” she pressed. “Someone else...”
Hange started to speak with her hands, gesturing for Levi to ‘go on,’ in some awkward wave of a hand. The first awkward gesture Hange had done since they arrived.
Levi couldn’t help but just appreciate that bout of vulnerability he could pull out of her. “There is,” he said.
Just for a second, Hange’s face fell and for a moment Levi relished it.
“Oh…” Hange turned away. “Then, I should take you home… I’d love to meet her…”
Then suddenly, Levi felt just a little bad for that trick. “I was fucking kidding,” he said.
Hange let out a loud sigh of relief, an ugly huff and she looked away, suddenly self conscious.
Levi had to admit, it was an ugly snort. He was tempted to take a good look at her face, and maybe he had craned his neck as she kept silent for a second longer. “I’m not some idiot who would marry someone just because it’s convenient," he said.
“Give me a break. I just graduated from college when I decided to get married,” Hange said. “Besides, we enjoyed each other’s company.”
“If you chose that type of life, I wouldn’t have stopped you. Besides, you had a lot on the line, your PhD, your mood alarm, the love alarm, your reputation. It wouldn’t have been easy choice to make.”
Hange hummed. “The PhD is done, my reputation, I don’t give too much of a rat’s ass about that. And the mood alarm? That has always been mine. I put my own money into building that business.”
“It definitely wasn’t cheap.”
“It wasn’t,” Hange admitted. “What if I told you, I earned my own capital for building it in one night in a casino.”
Levi's thoughts flew back to the night at the casino. He grinned. “I’d believe you.”
“So the mood alarm is mine and I managed to keep it,” Hange said. “But I never forgot you know... The plans, the codes, they’re all yours.”
“So you did get the email,” Levi said.
Hange nodded. “And the email got me thinking…” she trailed off for what seemed like an eternity.
Levi couldn’t wait. “About what?”
Hange thought for a few seconds longer, putting her hands behind her back. “That ended up one reason why I even considered leaving Zeke,” she said. “He has a different way of loving, I have a different one too. Love is freedom. Love is just trusting. Zeke on the other hand, always likes to play safe, tie people down.”
“What happened to ‘love is a choice?’”
Hange seemed unperturbed. “Love still is a choice.”
“Then why not choose to love Zeke?” Levi challenged.
Hange sighed and put one hand up. “You said it yourself, deciding to leave wouldn’t be an easy decision,” she started. “I considered three things.”
She put one finger up. “Our own views of love. Zeke sees it as a game, as an investment and he approaches it conservatively… On the other hand, I see love and relationships as a form of freedom, a risk. In love, I don't believe in playing to win.”
She put another finger up. “I considered how I was feeling, this really weird feeling, my thoughts on Pemberley then on colors.”
“I thought you didn’t want to be a slave to your emotions.”
Hange shook her head. “I’m not. I approached this methodically. Even before considering my feelings, I considered my circumstances.” She put the third finger up. “I considered the backlash, I considered Zeke’s feelings, dealing with a divorce. And that’s what brought me here, despite the criticism, despite my inability to buy the love alarm and to barely salvage the mood alarm.”
“You still gave in to your emotions.”
Hange nodded. “After thinking long and hard about it, I did. But before that, I weighed all three, and I decided to take the risk.”
“Was it worth it?”
Hange shrugged and she leaned over the rail, seeming mesmerized by the lake. “I won’t know yet but I guess, even when I thought you had someone else…” There was a flash of hurt on her face, enough for Levi to regret playing that little joke on her.
“I don’t have anyone else,” Levi clarified.
Hange continued to speak. “I still thought the risk was worth taking. It would have been unfair to Zeke if I stayed and who am I to stop you if someone makes you feel happy.” She turned back to him. “This is the way I’ll choose to love. I’ll weigh my emotions, my circumstances and my worst case scenarios. Then I decide the most loving thing to do. If I have to take a risk, I take it. And I guess, given all that, looking for you seemed like the correct decision.”
Levi couldn’t stifle that smile any longer, and he hoped somehow, his own words would stop it from getting any wider. “Well, it's too early to tell if it's a good decision.”
Hange opened her phone and opened the application. “Can we try again?”
“You wanna use the love alarm?” Levi asked. “Your ex-husband’s application.”
“It’s still your brainchild,” Hange said as she waited for it to load. She hovered her thumb over it.
“I don’t have it installed,” Levi said.
“I can wait,” Hange said. And there was no room for argument in her voice.
An awkward few minutes as Hange watched him download the application. Levi focused on the loading bar, and luckily, his biometrics were still registered from that brief experiment of a year ago.
“On three…” Hange said, her voice a little stilted.
But they didn’t finish counting or maybe they just counted at completely different paces.
The alarms rang, filling the empty space between them, two rings which never seemed to find a uniform pace. Even with a very dominant fastidious side though, Levi wasn’t thinking too much about such a small detail.
Hange’s was smiling, grinning, or whatever that was called. Her face was a mix between pure ecstasy and pure passion. She wrinkled her eyes at him, her mouth climbed into a grin wider than he had ever been used to.
She let out a loud sigh. “I was fucking scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“That you would have gotten over me… I dunno, thought you might just think love was a choice, and I dunno, stop feeling whatever that love alarm thing was feeling.”
“I don’t think the love alarm works like that,” Levi said. Really, he started to realize he didn’t know how it worked.
Hange shook her head. “I’m probably just overthinking. You know… I learned how to code over the years, talked to a few developers and tried to look into how the application works,” she said.
“Did you find anything?”
“Remember when you told me that the love alarm starts to figure out for its own what love is. It creates its own definition. Something we can’t even comprehend...” Hange was still grinning, her voice coming out as breaths and sometimes sounds.
Still, Levi could comprehend most of it. “You have any theories?” he pressed. Hange always had theories.
“Soulmates? Relationships in a past life?” Hange suggested.
“Well, we can’t really look back at those right?” Levi said. “Well, what else?”
One word, one word out of Hange’s mouth. “Pemberley.”
“Pemberley?” Levi asked. Somehow though as Hange looked back at the lake, up at the sky then at the gaudy main street of that small town. Levi started to understand it himself.
“It’s ugly here,” Levi said. At first he had meant it. As Hange started to look at her surroundings then back at the lake, with a look of wonder in her eyes, Levi was sure he had meant it as a challenge.
“When you’re in love then with the person we love, everywhere starts to feel like Pemberley,” Hange completed a second later.
Does it? And he wondered why the hell, he needed Hange to point it out.
They were in an ugly town, a place people were paid to live in. The sky was constantly overcast. When it wasn’t raining, it was snowing and it snowed six months a year. When it wasn’t snowing or raining, the sky was at least threatening it.
The way that Hange had looked at it with such naive wonder, the way she had just stood there, looking at everything and back at him, Levi couldn’t help but entertain the idea of Pemberley.
Maybe give the colors a chance to show themselves? Hange didn’t say it out loud. In the moment they made eye contact though, Levi couldn’t help but just give that little piece of advice a chance, whether it had been his own or Hange’s.
He looked first at the main road and the red brick path, noting how the gaudy red, worn by the elements more than actual foot traffic seemed to still glow a bright red despite the grey undertones. He then looked to the buildings, varying shades of concrete grey yet ‘the varying shades’ of it seemed to still have some sense of novelty.
He then looked back at the ocean, the dark sky above never allowed it a more beautiful shade of blue, yet the bluish black still continued to glow. The waves only sent glimmers of silver against the dark blue. Then it was only natural that he looked up at the sky, the sky which never allowed any other shade for itself, except on a few select days a year.
The fog blocked whatever green the mountains beyond the lake would have shown him.
Looking back at Hange then back at his surroundings, he started to accept it. There were greens, reds, blues, yellows and every other color in the spectrum. The world glowed with so many colors, so many lights and sounds. His emotions were a whirlwind that spun to whatever rhythm the lights and colors blinked at.
Colors persevered and they’ve always persevered.
Emotions persevered and they’ve always persevered.
Even emotions we don’t understand ourselves. Levi added to himself.
Maybe Hange was right. That was what the love alarm had been trying to show. The one person who made the colors, the emotions all the clearer.
“This is a beautiful place,” Hange said. “And I wouldn’t mind staying here, lay low a bit, just long enough for people to forget the divorce fiasco.”
“There are a few nice places here,” Levi said.
Hange continued to stare.
Why don’t we just live here together right Levi?
I know you, you wouldn’t be able to stay out of the action.
Levi felt almost ashamed at that mystery response that seemed to pop into his head out of nowhere. We can live here long enough to get our shit together. "First things first, let’s discuss this partnership, over tea in my house.”
“Now?” Hange’s widened her eyes. And her eyes were smiling.
“Well, unless you have other plans tonight,” Levi said.
Hange shook her head. “Nothing much…”
They made the whole way back to his home in silence. Surprisingly, Levi preferred it that way. It had been enough for him to appreciate his new comprehension of his surroundings, the small details he hadn't noticed before.
It wasn’t just the view. The rhythm of their footsteps, their uncoordinated breathing, and just the way the trees rustled, the wind blew, always found a way to glow different colors. His emotions, the chaos of every moment after that were also challenging him to find their colors.
And the circumstances that had them locked in his cramped apartment, sitting over tea, with no one else watching, nothing restricting them had Levi reflecting. It probably had Hange reflecting too. They spoke unhindered with just thoughts, expressions and locked gazes.
For one reason or the other, it happened quickly and abruptly, leaving no space or time to comprehend it.
Sitting on his living room sofa right next to her. Hands clasped against the other. Her dry lips were on his.
The magic welling in his chest, the thunder that climbed quickly up his throat, persevering even underneath the grey. They were all screaming at him then, they all glowed colors.
At that moment though, he had been to tired to reflect on it for any longer. He decided to just roll with it.
It was no use making sense of it. After all, life, love and emotions... They were all just complicated that way.
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I Reject You (Ransom Drysdale)
Summary: Ransom has a friends with benefits relationship with Y/N recently learned that she is pregnant with Ransom's pup but rejects him as the father because of how he treated her when they were together.
Notes: GIF is not mine, slight smut, fluff, A/B/O dynamics, mentions of human trafficking, mentions of depression, implied sexual assault (if any of these trigger you, please do not read. Take care of yourselves.)
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Here you are exactly where you promised yourself you weren't going. As soon as you saw Ransom sitting in your office chair, you knew where this was headed. He picked you up from your job and drove straight to his house.
Your body shakes when he lazily thrusts into your soaked cunt as you both are laying down on your side. Leaning your head against his collarbone, your mouth falls open when he rubs your clit when his thumb.
You follow his hips when he pulls out of you, leaving just the tip in before drilling into you hard and fast. "You are such a slut for my dick aren't you? No matter how many times you say you never want to see me again. You. Are. Mine. Omega." He whispers into you ear and you were starting to see stars.
A sharp gasp leaves your lips as you cum for the fifth time today. His knot pops open and his seed decorated your walls. He pulls out of you and you lay on your back, mustering up the strength to get up but he grabs your chin roughly so you could look at him.
"No one can make you cum like I can. No one." You pull away from his grip and swing your legs over the edge of the bed. You curse at your body for trembling. You needed to get out of there and quick before he notices something is off.
You noticed a different abouf a week ago and went to the doctor. Only to find out that you were pregnant by no other than Ransom Drysdale. The trust fund playboy. There's no way you were going to tell him the baby was his. You needed to end whatever this is and you needed to end it now.
"You smell different," he says, trailing his nose along the curve of your neck. "Is your heat starting?" He asks and you choose not to say anything. What is there to say to a man that calls you a cumslut one second and is worried about your well being, the next?
You stand on wobbly legs and slide on your underwear while in search for the rest of your clothing. "When I talk to you, I expect you to speak." He says, standing from the bed and you jump into your dress pants. When you reach for you blouse, he rips from the your hand and tosses it across the room.
Attempting to get the blouse, a growl emits deep in his chest and you still your movements. You don't meet his eyes but you could feel the anger blossoming in his gaze. He grabs your throat sharply and lowered his head until his blue eyes met yours.
"Speak, Omega." Chills rolls down your spine at his command. "There's nothing to talk to you about." "You could have just said that. You didn't have to ignore me." "I didn't peg you as the sensitive type, Drysdale." You snark, and he allows you to pull his hand away from your throat.
"You're not going to shower before you go like you normally do? What, am I that bad of a person?" "There's nothing normal about this, Ransom. And to answer your question, yes, you are." You walk across the room and button up your blouse.
"What's up with you? You've been acting bitchy all day." "Wow, you talk like you're a ray of sunshine." "You know what, you want me to speak. Fine, I'll speak. Don't talk like you give a shit about me because you and I both know you don't. The only thing you care about is getting your rocks off like a horny little bitch."
Oh your hormones are going to get you in trouble. The omega in you was trembling with fear of what Ransom was going to do to you. He snarls and before you could even think about running, he turns you around and shoves into the nearest wall. His eyes glowing a dreadful crimson as he growled in your face.
"You got a death wish, omega? Who the fuck do you think you're talking to." He snarls and you instinctively expose you neck to him. Your arm maternally drapes over your stomach protectively and he noticed. His eyes lost their glow and he stares down at your stomach with wide eyes.
He takes a few steps back and you could hear his anxious heart pattering in his chest. "Is it mine?" "No," you answer a little too quickly and he raises his eyebrow questionigly. "You're lying," he says, taking a step toward you with his eyes glazing over your mating gland.
"Absolutely not," you snap and he takes another step towards you. "Stop, Ransom. Please don't," you whimper as he blew warm air over your sensitive gland. Something else stirred inside of you that wasn't your omega part of you. It was something more dominant and heavy.
Your hand comes up and in between your neck and his face. Your gripped his face and shoved him as hard as you could with surprising strength. You sent him flying across the room. He initially landed on the bed and bounced off to land in the corner.
A deep, protective roar erupted from your chest and something happened that you dreaded for most of your life. Your eyes were glowing. Your eyes didn't shine a normal golden color. They glowed like a broken mixture between crimson and ogate from an unspeakable past trauma.
"What the hell are you?" He asks as your eyes restore to normal. "Baby," he adds, his features softened. "Stay away from me. And stay away from my pup." You threaten, before sliding on your shoes and walking out the door. You wave down a taxi who drives you back to your house.
"Hey, I stopped by your job and saw you- Y/N, are you okay?" Your mom asks as her eyes settle on your trembling frame. "He found out." You croak, she motions you to sit on the couch and you comply. "He found out about the baby?" She asks. "He found out," you repeat, watching as she realizes what you really meant.
"He saw your eyes?" She asks with disbelief. "He tried to forcefully claim me and I bellowed at him to protect my pup." "What are you going to do? Do you want to leave?" She asks, running a comforting hand down your arm. "I have no idea, Mom. I don't get it. I thought I wasn't able to get pregnant."
"This is a blessing, honey." She says and you shake your head. "It would have been a blessing if the father was a decent human being, but he's not, Mom. He treats me.." you trail off and your mother purrs sadly, resting your face on the sides of hers. "He's a terrible person, Mom. But I need him and I fucking hate it."
"I know, honey. We don't need to figure everything out right now. Take a deep breath." You take a deep breath and a series of sobs escape your lips. You're screwed and everyone knows it.
**
Ransom bounces his leg nervously in his Beemer as he parks outside of Y/N's house. He could smell her, she's in deress and she's feeling an immense amount of sadness. He doesn't even know what he's doing there. It's not like his presence would help anything. She hated him and he doesn't blame her.
He would always call you names and insult your intelligence to keep you rilde up so he wouldn't know how it was to be loved by you. He started to fall for you when you would talk back against his misogynistic tendencies. He loved how your nose crinkled just before you were about to snap on him.
You have guts and you stood your ground, regardless if you were an omega or not. He respected that about you. But now he wanted to show you that he was willing to change for you and that he treated you like shit because he was scared of what your love could to him.
But he knew you. You would tell him to fuck off and leave because that is what he was good at. He had a plan to get you to trust him, but if that doesn't work. He has no idea what to do with himself. With a deep breath, he hops out of his Beemer and stalks towards the front door.
He knocks firmly and he heard footsteps ascending to the door. His heart races in his chest but he swallows it down. The door opens and he meets the gaze of a very angry mother. "How dare you come here?" "I need to see her," "I think you've done enough."
"She's carrying my pup, I can't just leave her." Ransom's explains, desperate to be given the benefit of the doubt. "I've heard terrible stories about you. You trust fund, prick. My daughter made a mistake and I'm sure she'll learn from it without your help." She snaps.
"Did she say that?" "She did," "You're a terrible liar. Just like your daughter." He sighs when she growls defensively at him. "What happened to her? To her eyes?" He asks. "Please, I want to be in her life. She makes my heart tingle and that scares the hell out of me, so I tried to push her away by.."
"By treating her like trash. You have no idea how to deal with women, do you?" She asks and he shakes his with defeat.
"Come in," she says with a sigh. Ransom walks into the house much smaller than he's used to. That's what a family house looks like. The entire living room is the size of his walk in closet. But he understands why Y/N would call it home. "Stay here, I'll be right back." Y/N's mom says before disappearing down the hall.
He sits down on the side of the couch where your scent is the strongest. His eyes fall to the shut door closest to the kitchen. Your scent dripped from the room and it took everything in him not to burst in there and pull you into his arms.
Y/N's mom returns with a thin stack of newspapers. The looked to be a few years old by the font and the faded lettering in some places. The newspaper crinkles in his hands as he read the headline on the first page.
HUMAN TRAFFICKING VICTIM FOUND AFTER 7 YEARS. Below the headline was a picture of a young girl with bruises litering her face as she pulled the blanket close to her.
The most heart wrenching part about the picture was how hollow her eyes looked. It was like looking into a dark tunnel with no light at the end of it. Whatever she experienced ruined whatever childhood she had left. Ransom's eyes scan over the article and flipped through the rest of the pages, growing angrier the more he read.
"How long ago was this?" Ransom asks. "Five years ago. She was twelve when she was taken." Ransom shakes his head with disbelief and sets the newspaper on the table in front of him. "Can I see her, please?" He asks desperately.
"She hasn't moved since she came back from your house a week ago. She barely talks and eats. Hopefully you have better luck than I do." She says, motioning for the door.
Ransom stands up and opens the door within a few strides. Goosebumps littered his skin when he inhales Y/N's miserable musk. Tears threatened his eyes but he wiped them away quickly. She already been through hell and Ransom made it worse by treating her the way he was. She deserved better than him.
"Y/N?" Ransom starts but Y/N doesn't move a muscle. Her bed covers were draped over her entire body, leaving a small opening above her head so she could breathe. Her breathing was barely audible, she could easily be mistaken as dead. The room was dim from the closed curtain and lack of light.
Not knowing what to say, he decides he was going to stay there with her. Maybe.. hopefully.. his prescence is enough to comfort her because he has no idea how to do that as he was never comforted as a child. He was just told to suck it up and stop being a baby. He's a Drysdale. And Drysdale's aren't weak.
He shrugs off his peacoat and pulled off his cable knit sweater. He stepped a little closer to admire her nest but notice the lack of his scent. He drapes his cable knit over the headboard of her bed. Not wanting to push his luck, he walked away from the bed and slid down the wall a distance away from you.
He smiles when he hears you purr softly in your sleep as you notice his scent. "Baby, I'm going to stay here with you, if that's okay." Ransom says and you continued to purr. Guess that wasn't a terrible sign.
Later that night, Ransom left your house to grab a week's worth of clothes plus an assortment of clothes you could add to her you. You still haven't said anything but your vile scent of shame and sadness has lessened.
When Ransom came back, Y/N's mom offered him the guest room but Ransom claimed it was too far from her. So she pumped up an air mattress for him. He's spent every day in the room with Y/N without saying a word. One day, Ransom came back with sushi for lunch to see you out of bed.
You froze when you saw him down the hallway after closing the door to the bathroom. "You came back earlier than I expected," you say and a sigh of relief leaves his lips. You both stay in your spots and stare at each other, waiting for someone to make the first move.
"I'm not good at comforting people. But I am good at telling people what I know. And I know that I feel like absolutely shit for how I treated you. And I know what happened to you when you were younger. Why your eyes are the way they are." He starts. "The fact that you can stand up for other people despite your past makes you strong. A strong mate and a strong mother." He adds.
He sets the sushi on the counter and you shove your hands into the pockets of your sweatpants. "We're not meant to be parents, Ransom. This could be the worst thing that could happen to us." She explains. "Or the best thing. I don't know about you, but I've been looking for a change. And then I met you and that was the change I was looking for." He explains.
You eye him suspiciously, unsure of where this verbal affection came from. "Why are you saying these things? Did my mom put you up to this? I told her I would be fine." You say, walking down the hall and into your room. "She didn't put me up to this. And no, you're not fine." He says, leaning against your door frame.
"Baby, we're in this together." "I don't trust it. I don't trust you. I've seen what you're capable of and the way you treat people. And I will be damned if I let you treat my pup like that."
"Your pup?" "My pup," you repeat, placing a hand on your stomach. His gaze falls on your stomach and he nods to himself like he's making a decision in his mind.
"Mark me," he says, taking off his pea coat, cable knit sweater and tank top underneath that. He sets on the air mattress and nears you slowly. "What? No." "I'll honor the bond. I'll be yours and only yours. I won't mark you unless you want me to. Just please, mark me."
"This is insane," you start and takes your hand to place on his cheek. He inhales the scent of your pulse point on your wrist before placing your hand on his mating gland. You shake your head no and he sits down, pulling you into his lap and burying your face into his neck.
Your inner omega takes over and you wrap your arms around his neck. "Alpha," you whimper. "Oh, omega. I'm so sorry, baby." He whispers. He stares up at the ceiling as he tries to hold back his tears but it was no use. He always thought that he was fucked up because Linda never showed him any affection as a kid.
But to hear about what you experienced as a kid. The fact that you had nothing and you had your will and autonomy stripped from you. Ransom's autonomy was the only thing he felt like he truly had. He rubbed circles on your neck and you sigh into his. He learned that from a Google search he did but you didn't know that.
You pull away from his neck and cupped his cheeks, pressing a warm kiss on his soft lips. You were desperate for each other's touch, but it wasn't in a sexual way.
It was more like a tending to an internal scratch. Your eyes fluttered closed and he lifted your chin to deepen the kiss. Your tear stained cheeks rubbed against his and his tongue swiped against your lip, begging for access.
You glady give him the access he needed and his happy hummed vibrated your chest. He pulled away slowly and held you gaze before exposing his neck to you. You couldn't believe your eyes. The Ransom Drysdale was exposing his neck to you. Submitting to you. Maybe he wasn't bluffing after all.
You ghost your fingers over his mating gland and he sighs at the touch. You look to him and he nods, encouraging you to continue. Your tongue darted out to moisturize your dry lips and press a kiss to the sensitive skin. You purr as you inhale his musk of honey and crackers, his favorite childhood snack.
."Y/N, please." Giving him one last look before sinking your teeth into his neck, his mouth falls open and you bite down harder until you could taste the metallic drops of his blood.
You lick away the droplets of blood escaping the wound before pulling away. You lick away the blood from your lips and expose your neck to him but he gripped your chin and shook his head.
"You have to want it." He says sincerely. You barely recognize the Ransom in front of you. His ogate eyes dilate as they met your Y/E/C eyes. And in that moment you realize that Ransom was just as broken as you were. He truly was yours.
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A Song Your Soul(mate) Sings
This is my Maribat Secret Santa for @my-northern-downpour. I hope you enjoy it! This is a soulmate!au based off of a trend on TikTok in which soulmates can hear each other when they sing. I extended this to include humming as well.
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The room was dark by the time he returned to his bed.
It was sparsely decorated, the six-year old boy not wanting much for potential enemies to use to conceal themselves. His eyes scanned the shadows, watching for the slightest movement, trying to see if there was anyone currently in the room. Seeing nothing that tickled his fight or flight instincts, he cautiously walked into the room before locking it behind him. He quietly barricaded himself in the room before walking over to his meager bed.
His body ached as he laid down to sleep.
Where there was not gauze or bandages was dark skin decorated with purples and blues of varying colors. The pain was a dull throb in his limbs as compared to the sharp pains in his joints. His stomach ached from the punishing training he'd been put through earlier that day. He hadn't wanted to train, but his mother had smacked him and told him to be grateful that he was chosen as heir.
"Des yeux qui font baisser les miens, un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche, voilà le portrait sans retouche, de l'homme auquel j'appartiens…"
The joyful echoes in his head began again, right on time. The echo sounded child-like, like the singer was someone his age. The echo sounded feminine, and he wondered why such a feminine voice would be echoing in his ears. He wasn't a girl after all so why did it sound like a girl? Why couldn’t he talk to that echo either? He could always have conversations with himself, but the feminine voice never answered him.
"Quand il me prend dans ses bras, qu'il me parle tout bas, je vois la vie en rose, Il me dit des mots d'amour, des mots de tous les jours, et ça m'fait quelque chose…"
It wasn't in a language he knew either. So far Mother had only taught him Arabic and English. The strange foreign vowel sounds and unfamiliar words made no sense to the little boy. Why was he hearing a voice speaking in a strange tongue?
And was he the only one?
Mother and Grandfather had never talked about hearing strange voices in their heads. Neither had any of the others the little boy had met. If they heard the voices too, wouldn't they have talked about them? Why would Mother and Grandfather hide the knowledge from him… unless they didn't share the same experiences.
The little boy did not fear the voice, but he vowed never to speak of it. While he did not believe the voice was a threat, he did not wish to be seen as defective. He saw what had happened to those deemed unworthy of his Grandfather's presence. He did not wish to die…or worse, go through painful procedures to get rid of the voice in his head.
"Il est entré dans mon cœur, une part de bonheur, dont je connais la cause, c'est lui pour moi, moi pour lui dans la vie, Il me l'a dit, l'a juré, pour la vie, et dès que je l’aperçois, alors je sens en moi, mon cœur qui bat…"
As he curled into a ball, his daggers close at hand, he listened to the cheerful voice. He listened to the way the strange words would roll, and occasionally stutter, through his mind. It wasn’t terrible...if he had to be honest, it was rather relaxing. The sound was more often than not soft and gentle sounding compared to the harsh orders barked at him daily. Sometimes the voice had giggles and laughter interrupting the words, sending a strange warmth through him. He could feel himself relaxing enough to sleep, but he forced his green eyes to stay open as he wanted to hear more.
“Des nuits d’amour à plus finir, un grand bonheur qui prend sa place, les ennuis, les chagrins s’effacent, heureux, heureux à en mourir…”
He could feel sleep overtake him as he listened to the happy voice, glad that at least one thing in his life radiated warmth and was not tinged with fear.
He hoped Mother and Grandfather never found out.
Damian didn’t want the voice to go away.
————————
“Why do you keep singin’ if you can’t hear them, Mari?” a dark skinned boy asked, picking apart the sandwich his mother made him.
“Because Maman explained that some people can’t sing, Nino!” a little girl with paler skin responded. “Maman said that sometimes people are born without the ability to talk, or they get hurt real bad and can’t talk no more. She also said that sometimes people have a hard time hearing or can’t hear at all, so they learn FSL instead of talking with their mouth! What if my soulmate is like that? They’d be real lonely if I didn’t sing to ‘em!”
The little boy adjusted the small red cap on top of his head and said, “I guess that makes sense.”
The little girl nodded, her bob swinging a little with the force of her movements. Marinette Dupain-Cheng and her best friend, Nino Lahiffe, were sitting in her parents bakery, enjoying lunch. Nino was picking apart his food, not feeling very hungry after Chloe Bourgeois called him chubby. Despite Marinette telling Nino he wasn’t chubby, the little boy seemed to be down in the dumps. Marinette had tried to cheer him up by asking about the song he could hear his soulmate singing as Nino was very excited that he was hearing his soulmate more often now.
That had brought them to the conversation of Marinette’s soulmate...who she had never heard before.
Marinette knew her friend wasn’t trying to be mean by asking about it, and that he was worried about her. It wasn’t common that soulmates couldn’t hear one another’s voices so long as both people were alive. If one couldn’t hear their soulmates voice it could mean that they might have died, that they hadn’t been born yet, or that the person didn’t have one. There were also instances where both soulmates were still alive and still couldn’t sing to one another, and that was the type Marinette’s mother had just recently explained to her— people who were unable to verbally communicate due to either issues with hearing or speaking verbally.
Marinette was nibbling on her sandwich too, secretly trying to reassure herself as well.
After all, Chloe liked to tease her that she didn’t have a soulmate.
Marinette shook her head, kicking her feet back and forth. No! Stupid Chloe was wrong! She did have a soulmate! They just couldn’t sing to her right now! Maybe they couldn’t sing at all, but that didn’t matter! As long as she kept singing, they would eventually find her voice...wouldn’t they?
“Hey Mari, do you wanna go to the park?” Nino asked, interrupting her train of thought. “I got a new football. It’s in my bag.”
Marinette smiled brightly, adjusting the straps on her pink overalls before saying, “Prepare to lose, Nino!”
The little girl jumped out of her seat and raced towards his backpack, the little boy following after her. Neither child noticed the dark haired woman watching them with a soft, sad smile. Her near silver eyes shone with love and concern as she watched her daughter go off to play with her best friend. She looked so happy...and Sabine desperately hoped she would stay like that.
———————-
...things at his father’s house were strange.
His rules were confusing.
No killing. None. In fact, Damian got into more trouble killing while with his father. It just didn’t make any sense to him! Hadn’t Mother told Father anything?! Hadn’t Mother told Father that he was going to be heir of both the cowl and the League of Assassins? He had to know how to kill in order to do that! He had to keep up with his skills to be able to maintain and grow to surpass anyone who would challenge him!
But Father told him that he didn’t want Damian to do any of that.
He told Damian that he wanted different things for him than his mother did.
And that confused him.
The other thing that confused him was his place in his father’s house.
With his mother and his grandfather, the dark haired ten-year old’s position was always clear. He was to be the Heir to the League of Assassins. He was to be stronger, sharper, quicker, and more deadly than anyone else in the League. He was constantly being tested by Mother and Grandfather too. He knew that if he did not perform to their standards then a punishment was in order...and they never let Damian forget how replaceable he truly was at the end of the day.
He might be considered more important than the other League members, but he had to continuously earn that position.
Richard Grayson didn’t seem interested in fighting him for the cowl...at all. In fact, the young man seemed to want to get to know Damian. He seemed to get over his annoyance at the younger boy’s appearance rather quickly, and he’d started getting into Damian’s space. He asked him questions, trying to learn more about the newcomer. He didn’t appear to be threatened by Damian very much either, which irritated the aforementioned boy severely.
Dick was quick to suss out Damian’s boundaries, and while he’d ultimately respect them, he was also quick to push them too. His excuse was that Damian needed to act like other ten year old boys, and his father had agreed. While Damian had at first hated it...he had to admit he’d grown fond of Grayson, as the second Damian began to feel anxious, the older one would cease his pushing.
Dick was...well he was an older brother, through and through. He loved Damian, but he wasn’t afraid to try and kick the younger boy’s ass either. Damian appreciated someone who could see he had skill but wasn’t scared off by it. Dick was insistent in getting Damian to learn more about ‘normal’ kid stuff. Dick was the one showing him kids’ movies, loudly singing along to the lyrics, making their father groan.
Tim...Tim still wasn’t okay with Damian. Damian wasn’t okay with Tim either. Damian was more willing to overlook Dick as he was his own superhero— Nightwing. Tim was Robin. Tim was the one who had his role, according to his mother. Tim was the one he was supposed to show he was superior too. Tim was the one he had to get rid of.
But that had made father and Dick extremely angry.
Tim fought valiantly for his position, which Damian respected, but he also seemed to be sticking to Father’s no kill rule. It was clear that Father trusted Tim much more than he trusted Damian. Tim was still with the family. Tim hadn’t been replaced by him. Tim still hung out with Dick, though he did it less when Damian was around. Tim also clearly had Dick’s trust as well, while Damian was still on thin ice.
The younger boy couldn’t explain why that upset him so much, but it did.
As Dick had explained it to him, and Alfred re-explained, ranks were based purely on seniority. Alfred was in charge of Bruce, and Bruce was in charge of them. Dick was the next in line because he was the oldest, then Tim, and then Damian. There wasn’t any fighting in order to gain the upper rank...and despite Damian being on the bottom, he was treated with just as much respect as a living person deserved.
He was allowed to point out holes in plans. He was allowed to talk during meetings. He was allowed to offer his opinion. He was allowed to fight with them...he was allowed to fight without fearing death.
For the first time in Damian’s short life...he was allowed to do things without the risk of death constantly hanging over his head. The most his father would do is bench him from patrols, stop him from training, and put him under house arrest. All of these punishments were preferable to the ones his mother would come up with, and he felt so much better about that.
He was freer to be himself here than he ever had been with his mother.
“Here comes the sun, do, dun, do, do. Here comes the sun, and I say, it's all right. Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here. Here comes the sun, do, dun, do, do. Here comes the sun, and I say, it's all right!”
Damian looked up from his oatmeal, grimacing at his elder ‘brother’ as said man skidded into the kitchen in a tee-shirt, boxers, and his socks.
It had been an entire year since his mother had left him with his father. He was eleven years old now, and he’d told his mother that he was staying with his father. He had thought he’d grow used to his ‘brothers’ antics, but it appeared that there was one thing he still wasn’t used to— Dick’s insistence that he break out in a random musical number anytime he felt like it…
“GRAYSON, would you please shut up! Tt, it’s too early for this nonsense!” the green-eyed boy said with a scowl. “Alfred, please tell him that he’s much too noisy.”
“No can do, lil’ D! I have to let my soulmate know I’m a-okay! And the only way to do that is sing!” Dick said happily. “Good morning, Alfred!”
The elderly man shook his head in fond annoyance before saying, “Good morning, Master Dick. If you eat cereal, please leave some left for Master Tim. That boy hasn’t been eating much, but I have been getting him to eat cereal...and do lower your volume, Master Dick.”
“...what the, and I can’t emphasize this enough, fuck are you talking about, Grayson? Where did you hear such nonsense?”
The kitchen fell silent as both Dick and Alfred looked at Damian in shock. Alfred hadn’t even corrected Damian for cursing, both men clearly fighting back and array of emotions. Dick appeared to recover first. His inquisitive blue eyes focused on Damian before he took a deep breath.
“Dames...you know what soulmates are right?” Dick asked slowly.
“What kind of asinine—”
“Master Damian, have you ever heard a voice in your head?”
Damian froze like a rabbit that had just spotted a predator. Despite the boy’s training, Alfred could see it in his microexpressions that the child was afraid. It looked like he had no idea how to answer the question, so the old butler took pity on him and continued.
“This voice...or echo doesn’t sound like it belongs to you. It sounds like someone else...someone you may not know. It could be in another language, possibly, or it could take form in the sound of humming—”
“Almost everyone has one, Lil’ D...” Dick interrupted, his expression twisted with worry. “My soulmate sings back to me after I sing to him.”
The green-eyed boy’s jaw dropped, looking back and forth between Alfred and Dick in an alarmingly vulnerable way. Dick was about to go get Bruce before Damian let out the softest sound of shock and surprise he’d ever heard. He had to strain to hear what Damian said to Alfred next, hating how small and weak the proud boy sounded.
“I’m...I’m not crazy? She— she’s real?”
“Talia never told you about soulmates, did she?” Alfred said, taking the available seat next to Damian. “Of course you're not crazy, Master Damian. This is completely normal.”
Damian shook his head, looking anxiously at the butler and Dick. He thought the voice was just in his head! She was a real person? She was singing to him? Was he supposed to be singing back? Why could he hear her? Why him?
“Why we don’t explain what soulmates are first,” Alfred said softly. “A soulmate is someone whose soul compliments yours. You are whole as you are, Damian, but a soulmate is someone whose personality will compliment yours. They are the one person in the world who has the chance to know you as well as you know yourself. They’re a blessing to have, not a weakness to exploit.”
“In order to be able to find our soulmates, we have an almost telepathic connection of sorts. When our soulmates sing, we will be able to hear them in our heads. The same goes for when you sing. She’ll be able to hear you,” Dick added. “You will be able to find your soulmate through their singing. You’ll know when you’ve met her...Lil’ D...does your soulmate still sing to you?”
“Everyday...though the time has changed since I got to the states. I’m assuming she’s European due to the timezone difference and what I believe is a Latin-based language,” Damian mumbled, twiddling his thumbs. “Is that good?”
“That’s excellent, Lil’ D. It means she hasn’t given up on you,” Dick said with a grin. “So don’t keep her waiting anymore, okay?”
“Mother and Grandfather never talked about—is it safe? I assumed I was crazy because they never spoke of soulmates and neither did anyone else. I thought—”
“You’re not crazy, Master Damian,” Alfred said, this time firmer. “You are just like any other young man with a soulmate. You hear her voice when she sings to you, and you enjoy it, don’t you?”
“...it is a nice song…very pretty…”
“They probably saw their soulmates as weaknesses to their plans, but what they failed to realize is that soulmates are sources of strength as well. Do not be afraid to answer her now, Master Damian. She’s probably been waiting quite a while to hear your voice.”
Damian still felt like he was going to throw up, but he nodded. He was still tense as a freshly tightened spring as he watched Dick return to his breakfast. The older man started humming a tune that Damian recognized was a song from the movie they’d just watched the night before.
“Dick...what’s the name of that song? The one you’re humming from the movie last night?” he asked, trying to control his voice.
Dick raised an eyebrow, surprised by the use of his first name. He calmly told Damian that he was humming ‘Can You Feel the Love Tonight’ as performed by Elton John. He said nothing further as he watched Damian make a beeline towards the door, clearly not wanting to speak anymore on the subject, and abandoning his oatmeal. He looked towards Alfred to see if he should bring him back to at least finish breakfast, but the butler shook his head.
“Let Master Damian go. This must be overwhelming for him as well as slightly invasive. Let him process.”
Little did Alfred know that Damian had already accepted that the voice was in his head. He had already accepted the voice that lulled him to sleep as a piece of him that he’d protect willingly and viciously. The only change was that he now understood why he was so keen on protecting the intruder in his head.
He wasn’t crazy.
She was real.
That song was real.
Everything she ever sang to him was real.
Damian wasn’t broken.
She was real.
———————
The last thing Sabine Cheng expected was for her daughter to be awake at seven thirty am, no matter how early she and her husband got up.
Her sweet little Marinette had never been a morning person, always sleeping in and making herself late. Sabine had tried to break her daughter of the habit, but she was just as stubborn as her father. Now Sabine simply tried to mitigate how late her daughter got up so that she wouldn’t be as late to things.
She’d gone to wake her daughter up as she had errands to run. Sabine needed Marinette to come with her to help carry some of the items they were picking up for her mother-in-law’s birthday while Tom worked the store. Neither parent expected the shriek that came from their daughter’s room.
Nor the disheveled state she came nearly crashing down in.
“MAMAN! PAPA!” Marinette shrieked, her hair half-in, half-out of her braid. “HE SANG! MAMAN, HE’S THERE! PAPA, MY SOULMATE ANSWERED ME!”
Marinette’s eyes were wide with shock as she spluttered, trying to get words out of her mouth. Her hands were flailing in every direction, trying desperately to articulate the words she couldn’t get out. She was still dressed in her pajamas, looking at her parents helplessly.
“Marinette! Marinette, you have to breathe, little dumpling,” Sabine said, grabbing her daughter’s hands. “Take a few deep breaths.”
Marinette took a deep breath, following her mother’s instructions of in and out. As soon as she had stopped practically vibrating out of her skin, Marinette grabbed her mother’s arms and said, “He sang back, Maman. He was so shy and stuttered a lot, but he sang back. He answered me!”
Tom looked absolutely relieved, his posture relaxing slightly. He had been worried about Marinette’s soulmate never singing back, and how that would affect Marinette. They knew that she’d been bullied by the mayor’s daughter for never hearing her soulmate sing, and they knew how bad that had made her feel. Tom then stiffened back up when he realized that Marinette’s soulmate sang back, and now someone would be trying to find his little girl.
Sabine couldn’t help but roll her eyes at her husband. Their daughter was only eleven, so she doubted that someone was just going to come and steal her away! However, she was very excited for her daughter. She kissed Marinette on the forehead before saying, “That’s amazing, little dumpling. You go get changed, and you can tell me about it while we walk to the store.”
Marinette nodded eagerly before pausing.
“Maman? Do you think we could get some English books? To help me practice and learn? I’m pretty sure my soulmate sang in English,” the dark haired girl said, biting the tip of her thumb.
Tom looked at his wife, waiting for her to give the nod of approval, before telling Marinette that of course she could get some English studying material. While Tom was apprehensive of the soulmate that just started singing (why hadn’t he sang before?), he wanted nothing more than his little girl to be happy. He kissed his wife on the cheek before walking back into the kitchen, continuing to work on the pastries.
Marinette couldn’t stop the smile on her face as she raced back up to her room.
Her soulmate sang back to her!
She bounced over to her mirror, picking up her hair brush. She pulled out her hair tie, allowing the braid to fall apart completely. As she began to brush her hair, she picked up where her song had left off before her soulmate had tried to sing back.
“Quand il me prend dans ses bras, il me parle tout bas, je vois la vie en rose, il me dit des mots d’amour, des mots de tous les jours, et ça me fait quelque chose, il est entré dans mon coeur, une part de bonheur, dont je connais la cause, c’est toi pour moi, moi pour lui dans la vie, il me l’a dit, i’a juré pour la vie,” she sang, carefully braiding her hair.
She paused for a moment, waiting to see if he would try singing again.
Her soulmate sounded male, but it was hard for her to hear him. He sounded uncertain and shy as he stumbled across his words. Then he sounded a little bit upset before changing to humming a tune she was familiar with. He was humming “La Vie en Rose” which was a song Marinette sang very often, and that was another reason she believed he wasn’t French. He clearly knew the tune, but didn’t seem confident to say the words.
A familiar tune timidly filled her head, soft and sleepy. She felt affection well up in her chest as he continued to hum “La Vie en Rose” to her. Marinette could tell he’d been listening to her every time she sung him that song. He hummed every note perfectly until his voice began to drift off. Marinette wondered for a moment if that means he’d fallen asleep.
She finished getting dressed quickly after that, throwing on her pink sundress and black ballet flats. Blue-grey eyes sparkling with joy and excitement, Marinette practically ran down the stairs, causing her papa to call out to her to be more careful. She told her papa she would as she skipped over towards her mother.
She couldn’t wait to tell her mother about her soulmate humming her song back to her.
——————
It wasn’t until Damian was almost seventeen that he felt comfortable enough actually singing to his soulmate.
At first, he’d attempted a clumsy rendition of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight”. He hadn’t been able to remember the words properly, so he’d gotten frustrated and embarrassed. She had been able to hear him messing up! He already hadn’t been singing back to her for years, and now his first attempts were pathetic! He had been worried about how she’d respond to him finally returning her songs, but he’d then begun to worry about what she thought about him screwing it up entirely!
Instead of giving up though, he had decided to hum her song back to her. He knew every note of that song, despite not knowing the words or the name to the song. He had hummed until she answered him back with her own bright cheerful song. She had sung the words, strange and unfamiliar to him, while he hummed the melody, creating the most beautiful sound Damian could have sworn he’d ever heard.
Her voice had sounded even brighter than before, and Damian could tell she was happy. After the first day, he’d noticed an uptick in his soulmate’s humming and singing. The more he’d returned her humming with his own, the happier her voice had sounded. It had warmed his chest in an inexplicable way...almost as if he’d missed her without ever meeting her until he hummed back.
Damian had reached the point where he could easily recall all of the words to Elton John’s “Can You Feel the Love Tonight”, but he’d only hummed it to her. He hadn’t felt confident enough to attempt to sing it out loud again, but he was getting there in small steps. He’d been working on it, speaking the words out loud to ensure he remembered them as to not have a repeat of his first attempt. He had begun singing little bits and pieces to the song, which seemed to get the interest of his soulmate. He had fallen even faster for her when she began to show him what she’d been working on.
Singing in English.
Despite her difficulties, his soulmate had continued to try and sing to him in what she probably assumed was his native tongue. She had learned another language for him! She had learned one of the most difficult languages to learn (the grammar rules could be absolutely atrocious, and Damian hated it) just so he could understand her singing.
The least he could do was actually sing for her.
Especially since his soulmate had grown more somber and sad in the past few years.
Her songs seemed to have changed from the light-hearted melodies about love and life to heavier music, in both genre and topics. She’d never stopped singing the song he’d come to know as “La Vie en Rose” though. It appeared that she only sang it for him now because her voice was always quiet, almost like a whisper as she sang. Some nights she only sang a few words or not at all, which worried Damian greatly. So, he did the only thing he could do.
He hummed to her even when she was silent or didn’t seem to want to sing much.
Damian began to hum to her like she’d sang to him all those days while he still lived with the League. She had dealt with his silence for years, never knowing if she had someone on the other end of her connection. Damian only realized how terrifying that was when she’d gone completely silent for a day, not singing anything at all. He could toughen it out and hum to her until she felt like she could sing again, but it only got worse.
She had begun to sing in the softest, saddest voice Damian had ever heard.
It broke his heart to know she was in pain.
Which led him to his current situation, standing in a busy Parisian patisserie with his father and brother, singing to his soulmate for the first time.
“There's a calm surrender, to the rush of day, when the heat of a rolling wind can be turned away. An enchanted moment, and it sees me through. It's enough for this restless warrior, just to be with you,” he sang softly, ignoring the shocked looks of both Bruce and Tim. “And can you feel the love tonight? It is where we are. It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer, that we got this far, and can you feel the love tonight. How it's laid to rest? It's enough to make kings and vagabonds believe the very best.”
The small Asian woman behind the counter looked concerned until Tim apologized and kindly informed her that Damian had never actually sang to his soulmate before. The woman chuckled before telling Tim that he didn’t need to apologize, and that their order would be out soon. Tim nodded, paying the kind woman before Bruce guided them both off to the side to wait.
The dark haired boy ignored his brother’s insistent questions, listening for her voice. She was still quiet, having stopped singing the previous song that had gotten Damian so concerned to begin with. He continued to sing, wanting his soulmate to know that even if it felt like no one else did, he cared about her.
He’d have to thank Dick later for his annoying pop music obsession, or he’d never have recognized Sia’s song “Breathe Me”.
“There's a time for everyone, if they only learn. That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn. There's a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors. When the heart of this star-crossed voyager beats in time with yours,” he continued, ignoring all of the sounds going on around him.
Just as Damian was about to sing the next section, the patisserie door slammed open. A tiny girl(?) with pitch black hair that was falling loose around her face came racing in. He could see tear streaks down her face as if she’d just been crying. Her body posture was defensive. Her arms were crossed tightly against her chest, and her body was hunched over as if she were trying to make herself smaller.
A blond haired guy followed her into the building. He seemed out of breath with his face as flushed as it was. His green eyes reminded Damian of limes or acid, bright and loud. His entire demeanor displayed a nervousness as he tried to reach the girl, whose posture seemed to scream ‘I’m not okay’ the closer he got to her.
“Marinette, listen! It was just a joke! Alya said they didn’t mean it, and Lila already told the class to stop messing up your schedules,” the guy said. “Please, Marinette? Don’t be mad. You’re better than that.”
The young woman, Marinette, stopped dead in her tracks before turning around. With the more composure than Damian had thought she possessed, she simply said, “Adrien, I am allowed to be upset. They destroyed my planner, which had all the events for our class in it. As class president, I’m supposed to have all of those dates written down and available to anyone who needs them. I now have to remake the entire schedule on top of all my other responsibilities. Besides, real jokes don’t normally involve destroying someone’s personal property, now please leave me alone.”
Damian felt his heart drop into his stomach.
He knew that voice like he knew his katana.
He’d never be able to mistake the voice that had lulled him to sleep so many nights.
That was her voice.
He knew her.
“And can you feel the love tonight? It is where we are. It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer that we got this far, and can you feel the love tonight? How it's laid to rest? It's enough to make kings and vagabonds, believe the very best,” Damian continued, needing to be certain it was her.
He watched the young woman’s arms fall to her sides, looking almost startled. Her eyes, which he now noticed were an enchanting slate blue color that reminded him of a storm, were now darting around. Her petal pink lips, which looked so soft, were agape which hinted towards her being alarmed by something. Her posture straightened up as she scanned the room again. Not finding what she was looking for apparently, she slowly began to sing, her eyes searching the room once more.
“Et dès que je l’aperçois, alors je sens en moi, mon coeur qui bat.”
Damian’s heart then decided to make a violent return to his chest as he could hear it pounding in his chest.
It was her.
Those were the last lines to “La Vie en Rose”.
It was her.
——————
Marinette, to say the least, had been having a couple rough years.
At the age of thirteen, she had been given the ladybug miraculous by the former Guardian and became the spotted heroine known as Ladybug.
At around the age of fourteen-fifteen, Lila Rossi had joined her class and the bullying began.
At the age of sixteen, she realized that she had less friends than she thought she did.
And now at the age of seventeen, Marinette was just done.
She hadn’t been able to locate Hawkmoth due to his increasing power, gaining Mayura as an accomplice, and her inability to keep a standard set of heroes. Some people had lost the privilege to wield the miraculous by breaking Marinette’s trust, and others had been compromised by Hawkmoth. This meant that everytime she needed assistance, she either had to combine the miraculous or give a rookie hero a crash course in superhero training.
Add to that Chat Noir’s endless attempts to flirt and get her to sing in front of him, and Marinette was ready to throw herself out a window.
Being a superhero with little to no training had been hard enough, but now she was the Guardian of the box! Now not only did she have to worry about her Kwami, Tikki, she had to worry about all of them! She would also have to do this with absolutely no training as well except from what the kwamis could remember/tell her.
And all of that didn’t take into account the Marinette part of her life either.
Her only solace had been her soulmate, who had slowly been learning how to sing. She had been surprised to hear attempts at singing, as he’d been humming almost consistently since his first attempt, but it made the ache in her chest feel lighter. Her soulmate clearly cared enough about her to try and overcome whatever had been stopping him from singing before, and it made her feel good. She had come to find the humming comforting, but she also found she enjoyed his voice while he sang too.
More grown up now, his voice was a deep baritone that settled into her bones and made her relax. She had found herself wishing she could talk to him more, wanting to hear words instead of humming. She had forced herself to be patient though. If her soulmate had had problems singing before, it was a possibility he’d only recently gained the capability to verbally speak. She didn’t want to be rude and push for more if that was the case.
Which was apparently something none of her classmates understood.
Marinette had walked into her classroom, only to find the planner she had painstakingly put together for the class in tatters on the floor. She’d left it for their teacher to use, as the teacher needed to add a few more dates in for school functions that had just gotten approved. She wished she could say she hadn’t been upset, but she was.
They’d stuck her with this thankless job, due to Lila not wanting to have to do anything, and this was how they repaid her?
She found it ridiculous that they were still bullying her over Adrien. Sure, she’d liked him when he’d first arrived. He was handsome and rather nice, and most girls had a crush on him. She knew he wasn’t her soulmate though. While he could speak perfect English (thanks to his aunt and cousin living in England, and his late uncle speaking mainly English), the time zone differences didn’t match up.
Her soulmate hummed at specific times, and Marinette had attributed that schedule to reflect their difference in time zones. If Adrien had been her soulmate, then the humming would have occurred around the same time Marinette was normally singing. Plus, she’d heard Adrien sing before when Nino had pressured him into doing it.
The click didn’t go off in her head and as a result, her crush slowly began to die out. She’d even explained to Alya the situation when she’d told her former best friend that she was giving up on dating Adrien. Alya knew that Adrien wasn’t her soulmate, so she didn’t want to waste her time on him.
So why had she joined Lila in bullying her?
Why had she conveniently forgotten that Marinette was completely over her crush and didn’t want to date him?
Why had she lied to Adrien about Marinette wanting to date her?
Most of all, why had Alya believed Lila over her?
Marinette hadn’t heard anyone apologizing to her when she raced out of the room, overwhelmed and upset. She was doing her damndest to control her emotions so that Hawkmoth couldn’t akumatize her, but she could still feel the tears hot on her cheeks. She ignored everything else, storming back towards the patisserie, considering telling her parents she’d thrown up on the way to school and decided to turn around and come home.
Taking a deep breath, she began to sing an English song she’d found while browsing around online. At first she wanted to listen to English songs to help her learn her soulmate’s language, but she did end up finding music and artists that she liked.
“Help, I have done it again. I have been here many times before. Hurt myself again today, and the worst part is there's no-one else to blame. Be my friend, hold me. Wrap me up, enfold me. I am small and needy. Warm me up and breathe me,” she sang, picking up the pace as she heard Adrien shout out her name.
“There's a calm surrender, to the rush of day. When the heat of a rolling wind can be turned away. An enchanted moment, and it sees me through. It's enough for this restless warrior just to be with you.”
Marinette nearly froze in her tracks.
Her soulmate had sung!
From the sound of his tone, he seemed worried about her. Marinette continued the song she’d been singing, only pausing when he began to sing his song back to her. She had continued walking on autopilot, taking comfort in her soulmate’s voice despite the fact that she could still register Adrien’s shouting in the back of her mind.
She slammed the patisserie door open, too shocked and upset to think about using the private entrance to their home above the bakery. She heard Adrien’s footsteps follow her inside. She had planned on ignoring him, not wanting to have another fight about whether or not Alya and Lila’s latest shenanigans had been ‘friendly teasing’ or not.
She was going to until Adrien opened his stupid mouth to tell her she was ‘better than this’.
“Adrien, I am allowed to be upset. They destroyed my planner, which had all the events for our class in it. As class president, I’m supposed to have all of those dates written down and available to anyone who needs them. I now have to remake the entire schedule on top of all my other responsibilities. Besides, real jokes don’t normally involve destroying someone’s personal property, now please leave me alone,” she’d told him, firmly.
Before Adrien could respond though, she heard her soulmate sing.
“And can you feel the love tonight? It is where we are. It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer that we got this far, and can you feel the love tonight? How it's laid to rest? It's enough to make kings and vagabonds believe the very best.”
Marinette felt like she’d been struck by lightning as she realized she’d heard an echo, meaning that he was also in the patisserie. He was here! He was here, and he was singing for her!
Her eyes darted around the room, taking in everyone who was present. She saw that her father and mother were swamped with orders, doing their best to keep the line short. There were several regular customers in line with a couple new faces, but no one who stuck out. There was a small trio off to the side, clearly waiting for their order.
They did not appear familiar at all but from the looks of their suits, Marinette wagered they were businessmen. Perhaps they were in the city on business? Or perhaps this wasn’t their normal stop for baked goods, but they came here because it was closer?
Still feeling anxious, she steeled her nerves and began to sing slowly, trying to find the one person who would react in the crowd.
Her eyes were drawn back to the trio, noticing how awestruck the one looked.
He was objectively handsome with a sharp jawline and defined cheekbones. He had tanned skin that made the two men next to him look rather pale in comparison. His hair was jet black and well groomed. He looked strong with broad shoulders, and Marinette was certain he had several inches on her as far as height went.
It was his eyes though that caught her attention.
They were a jade green, a bit darker than Adrien’s, but captivating all the same. They were also looking at her with a look of longing that for some reason didn’t frighten Marinette. He looked like he desperately wanted to come over to her, but he appeared to be waiting for something.
The second he realized she had her eyes on him, he opened his mouth and finished the song.
“It's enough to make kings and vagabonds believe the very best,” he sang, looking at her almost hopefully.
Marinette felt something in her mind click into place.
She also could swear she heard Tikki giggling from inside her purse.
The little kwami had always told Marinette she’d meet her soulmate one day. She’d also told Marinette that she’d meet him when she needed him most. The little red kwami had seemed extremely confident about that fact and about how her soulmate would be able to help her.
Feeling a nudge from her purse, Marinette swallowed before marching over to where the three men were standing. The one whose gaze had been fixed on her also began to step forward, meeting Marinette half-way. He smiled at her, but his eyes told her he was nervous.
“Hello, my name is Marinette Dupain-Cheng,” she said, holding out her hand in what she knew was a traditional American greeting.
He took her hand but surprised her by kissing the back of her hand instead of shaking it.
“Hello, I’m Damian. You have a lovely voice.”
Marinette felt her cheeks heat up as she smiled back at him.
“You too...though I’d like to hear it more,” she replied, ignoring the fact he’d yet to let go of her hand.
The grip wasn’t harsh or uncomfortable...but rather warm and reassuring.
“Okay, seriously Demon Spawn,” the shorter man said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “What the hell is going on, and why were you singing to your soulmate? You never sing out loud! Who is she, and why did you kiss her hand? Do you even know her?”
“Shut. Up. Drake,” Damian hissed, his cheeks coloring a bit. “Can’t you and Father give me a moment?”
Marinette could see the tension building, so she asked the question that had been bugging her since she was a child.
“Why didn’t you ever sing to me before we were eleven?”
This made the two men freeze. A look of realization dawned on them as they looked between Marinette and Damian. The younger of the two had the decency to blush a little bit, mumbling a ‘nevermind’. The older of the two seemed almost...relieved? Happy? Ecstatic?
“Terribly sorry,” the older man said with a smile. “My name is Bruce Wayne. I’m Damian’s father. This is his brother Tim Drake, who I adopted, hence the different last name. Damian, we’re going to take our pastries and head back to the hotel. You can meet us there when you’re done.”
With that, Marinette watched as Bruce pushed Tim towards the exit, still feeling a little confused and dazed. She returned her attention towards Damian, who looked very uncomfortable and upset. She almost told him to forget about her question until he said quietly, “...my mother never told me about soulmates. I wasn’t allowed to sing or hum growing up, but my mother never told me why. They never taught me any songs either. I mainly had to learn them myself. I— I didn’t even realize I was hearing another person’s voice until someone explained it to me.”
Damian was looking down at his shoes, but he managed to lift his head to look at her before continuing.
“I’m sorry. I never meant to make you feel lonely or unwanted. I tried singing to you at eleven because I started living with my father around that time.”
Marinette felt relieved and heartbroken all at once.
“You don’t have to apologize just because your mother didn’t tell you about this,” she murmured, getting closer to her soulmate. “I’m just relieved that it wasn’t because you didn’t want me.”
“Excuse me, but Marinette and I were having a conversation! Marinette, you can’t just ignore people! It’s rude! Besides, Alya and Lila are here to apologize.”
The dark haired young woman let out a hiss, making the man in front of her chuckle.
Adrien.
She’d nearly forgotten about him.
Marinette turned around to see that Adrien was glaring daggers at Damian. The blond walked forward and actually had the audacity to wrap his arm around her shoulders. She pushed her arm off of her and stood in front of Damian.
From her new position, she could also see the two harpies from hell waiting at the patisserie door. Alya looked only a little nervous, and Lila had her usual fake sad face on. She could also see the simmering anger in Adrien’s eyes as she chose the stranger over him.
“Oh! Marinette, there you are!” Lila crooned, latching onto Adrien’s arm. “We’re so sorry! We didn’t realize that was your book.”
“I thought you said it was a joke on me though,” she responded, looking between both of them. “If you didn’t know it was mine, why would the joke be on me?”
“We never said that—” Alya began, but Marinette just cut her off.
Reaching into her bag, she took out the little tape recorder she’d been bringing to school to gather evidence. She briefly rewinded it before playing it, the two girls’ voices coming through crystal clear. Her expression did not change as Alya and Lila began to scream about how she couldn’t just record them like that, scrambling to also include how recordings could be taken out of context or misconstrued.
“You’re only mad because Lila won’t let you have Adrien!” Alya shouted, gaining the attention of Marinette’s mother and the other customers. “You’ve had a crush on him forever, and now you’re jealous because you can’t have him because of Lila!”
Marinette could feel a migraine coming on as she bit out, “I. Don’t. Have. A. Crush. On. Him. Seriously? That crush was like a month, two months long before I told you I was over it?”
“Don’t you still love me?” Adrien interjected, looking like a sad puppy.
“Not any more than a friend,” she said bitterly, “but I have no idea if I can consider you even that now.”
“You’re a filthy liar! You so totally have a crush—”
“Excuse me, but could you three kindly fuck off?” a cold voice came from behind her.
Marinette’s head twisted back to see that Damian no longer looked all that shy or vulnerable.
“I’ve waited years to be able to hear her voice in person, as Miss Marinette Dupain-Cheng is my soulmate, and I’d really like to get to know her. Without an audience of absolute buffoons,” Damian continued, still coming off cold. “She already asked you to leave her alone, Blondie. My suggestion is take your two bitches and leave before I make you.”
“Ugh, you’re so rude!” Alya snapped. “No wonder you ended up with a cheat like Marinette!”
Marinette felt a twinge in her chest as she looked down at her shoes. She wasn’t surprised Alya had said something like that, but it still hurt deep down. Alya had once been a dear friend of hers, and for her to say such terrible lies about her made her heart break. She went to call out to her mother when Damian let out a snarl.
“You’re the rude ones. You think destroying private property is a joke? You think taking people’s belongings is a joke? You think barging into a place of business isn’t rude? Do you think interjecting on conversations that you’re not a part of isn’t rude? You think what you said isn’t fucking rude? Why don’t you try thinking before you speak? I know that takes up a lot of oxygen, but I can get you a plant if you’re worried about running out. Now, Get. Out.”
Damian cracked his knuckles and slid off his suit jacket, showing off muscled arms that looked a lot stronger than Adrien. He glared at the trio, watching them carefully as they backed off of Marinette. The subtle threat seemed to work as Alya latched onto Adrien’s other arm, both girls pulling him out of the patisserie. They were complaining loudly about how rude he was and continued to say passive aggressive things about Marinette. She thought the situation was going to explode until her mother walked over to them.
“Marinette? What’s going on?” Shouldn’t you be at school? And why were your classmates here?” she asked, gently holding her daughter’s face in her hands.
“I don’t feel well, Maman,” Marinette replied quietly. “It’s getting bad again.”
She watched her mother’s normally gently and friendly face twist into a well concealed look of rage. Sabine’s silver eyes narrowed, slightly worrying Marinette, as she looked at Damian before demanding to know who he thought he was, thinking that he could speak on her daughter’s behalf.
“I’m her soulmate, ‘mam. I wasn’t trying to speak for her, and I apologize if that’s how it was coming off. You see, my mother didn’t allow singing when I was growing up, and I went to go live with my father when I was ten, so for the first ten years of my life, I didn’t know what a soulmate was,” he answered. “It’s been about six years since I learned what a soulmate was, and I’ve been waiting since then to meet the girl who still sings to a silent soulmate.”
Marinette began to blush, stuttering apologies before Damian responded that she had nothing to apologize for. He then smiled at both her and Sabine before asking if they wanted to attend dinner at Le Grand Paris so Sabine could meet his father.
“I’d really like to get to know you, Marinette, but only if that’s what you want too,” he said with a soft smile. “I want this to be your choice as much as it is mine. I don’t want you to think you have to say yes just because we’re soulmates.”
And as she looked into the face of a man who taught himself how to sing just to be able to connect with her when she needed him the most, Marinette actually believed him.
Perhaps this wouldn’t be like Chat Noir and Ladybug…
A hard nudge from her pocket prompted her into answering, “Yes...I’d really like to get to know you too, Damian.”
As he smiled at her, a genuine smile that reached one’s eyes instead of the fake one he’d been using when talking to Lila, she felt her heart skip a few beats. He readjusted his grip on her hand, sending tingles down her arm and making her entire body feel warm. She gently squeezed his hand, receiving an evenly pressured squeeze in return as he talked to her mother about their patisserie shop.
Vaguely in the back of her mind, Marinette wondered if this is what being with your soulmate was supposed to feel like.
If it was...well, Marinette wasn’t going to be trading the warm homey feeling she got watching her mother talk nice with Damian for anything in the world. He seemed to have a quiet sort of charm about him, and he wasn’t easily intimidated by the looks of it, as he didn’t flinch when her father came out to meet him.
No, instead Damian had shook her father’s hand firmly, introducing himself with proud shoulders and confidence. This seemed to make her father happy as he wasn’t frowning as hard when he asked Damian what he did. Her father also seemed satisfied when Damian responded that his father owned a large business, and he was studying to help his older brother take it over once his father decided to retire.
The way he seemed to seamlessly slide into her family, the domestic feeling of it, made Marinette very happy.
Now all she had to do was figure out how to break the news to her soulmate that she was a superhero…
Oh boy.
*Songs in Order of Appearance:
“La Vie en Rose” by Edith Piaf
“Here Comes the Sun” by The Beatles
“Can You Feel the Love Tonight” as performed by Elton John
“Breathe Me” by Sia
#maribat#Maribat Secret Santa#Maribat Secret Santa 2020#Marinette xDamian#daminette#i hope you like it!#long post#it ended up being a biggin'
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Humans are Space Orcs, “Speaking with light.”
Been a busy week, and I have been having to do a lot of my writing during the quiet moments at work. Plus I have also reached the climax on the book, so that is taking up a lot of my time. So this week I am ping to be doing miscellaneous stories based on requests some of you have given me
They watched from below the darkness, an expanse of blank sometimes light by the beautiful light of their hot red star. They knew what it was, despite their inability to see like others, they understood much and knew much more. Across the salted, barren wastes of their planet stretching for miles in all directions dark like the sky except for where their star warmed it.
They expected the visitors to return long before the visitors knew that they might . It was inevitable and so they waited very patiently floating about their sunny planet, soaking up the heat from their glorious creator above.
That is until the day a spark of light glorious light lit up the sky in the distance, and they turned themselves to face it. They knew this light, cause by the fusion of particles together, and finally the burning of fuel, It was a strange suite, a glorious little piece of light glowing down from above.
It was good, and they waited.
It landed not far off from them brightening the dark desert with it’s light. They did not approach, knowing that the creatures would come to them and so they waited. Eons they had waited and eons more they would be willing to wait. Time was like the glowing of the brightness in the sky above, it was immortal and forever, ethereal, eternal and passing.
Little sparks of light appeared on the horizon moving towards them shedding heat in familiar patterns that waved and undulated in pulses off their bodies. There were more than one of them now, more than one type as well in many sizes and shapes.
***
“But how can we know they are friendly?” Sunny asked her breath fogging up the inside of her helmet.
Outside, Krill floated happily along, soaking up the burning light of the star above his head tilted back as if he was enjoying himself. Despite the high oxygen content, there was still more than enough carbon for him to breath. While the humans and Sunny could probably take off their suits, they oud be at risk for quick and coming oxygen poisoning due to the extreme content in the air about them.
Admiral Vir stepped ahead of them, “They saved my life, so I think it is safe to assume that they are at least friendly.”
“Or they had no idea what they were saying at the time.” Sunny muttered to herself
They walked across the open dessert, their feet crunchin against the salt leaving mild indentations where they feet passed. Everything was so blinding here, even the sky seemed white against the blazing star overhead (a blue giant)
One of the hottest and brightest stars in existence.In the distance Sunny thought she saw a structure poking out over the horizon.
It wasn’t much, simply a large covered gazebo almost, with walls made out strange white/cream material carved into elaborate organic shapes. Out of all the things in the galaxy thy had seen, this was…. This was one of the strangest and most alien things.
Generally the civilizations tended to have things in common. And that was city structures and geometric architecture, but not these creatures. It was almost like walking up to a giant onion that had been carved out and molded into flowing spiral shapes up the sides.
Sunny could see the creatures now, floating there, as if waiting for them. They were grey in color, their the ends of their tentacles trended towards a strange bluish color tipped in pink.
Large, protrusions, almost like elephant ears stuck out from the sides of their six foot bodies flapping slowly like the fins of a stingray.
“Amazing.” one of the scientists said a xenobiologist who had accompanied them.
The rundi./vrul pair of xenolinguistics seemed very interested as well.
“And you said they do not speak?” One of them asked
Adam Vir nodded, “No, I think they might communicate through radio transmission as the vrul and the Mikes can, but I would be lying if I said I knew for sure, The Lumin are still as much a mystery to me as they are to you.”
“And you said they saved your life?”
“Yes, it was strange, like they knew exactly what to do. Hard to explain.”
“Well, hopefully we can make some sense of them before the day is out.”
Adam nodded his head and slowly took front as the others fell into step behind him. They were almost to the font of the large alien structure, watched by the strange floating creatures and their waving tentacles.
Adam paused before one of them not more than six feet away.
He raised his hands to his helmet and unlatched it with a hiss throwing his head back a little and taking in a gulp of high concentrated oxygen.
It felt fine for now, but he only had a little while before he would have to return to the suit.
He raised a hand, “Remember me?” He wondered, knowing that they couldn’t hear him so keeping his voice low.
The creature ahead of him billowed and undulated before floating softly forward and reaching out with one of its delicate tentacles. He kept his hand held up as the creature wrapped a tentacle around his wrist, prodding at his fingers arna farms with the pod-like structure at the end of the tentacle.
He smiled, “I thought you might. I remember you.”
It floated a little forward, tentacles reaching out, primarily its two front tentacles, longer than the others, which brushed through his hair and slowly ran down his face. The skin of the creature was soft and delicate, like the lips and nose of a horse, almost velvety somehow.
HE took his hand and gently wrapped his fingers around one of it’s tentacles, rubbing his thumb over its skin in a, hopefully, calming gesture, “We come in peace he muttered to himself.
***
Their light shone in great pulsing waves from their skin, shedding heat and light like dying stars. Their warmth, and the light they brought was pleasant,, and the Lumin welcomed it. For sure they welcomed the creature, who took off the casing from around its body, and shed its heat on them personally. They knew this creature, recognized him from long ago as his heat was something they ememembered, and the patterns with which it rolled over its skin.
They did not recognize the other creatures , some of them in shapes that they did not know, and shedding less light than the first, who shone like a beacon. They greeted it with pleasure and joy at it’s return. They had missed it’s light, and craved having some so close,even now.
The burning light of their own little colony greeted it with softness and was, in return rewarded with such.
Together, the Lumin inched forward floating to greet the others as they were instructed by their leader. They came in groups of two touching and prodding at the strange new subjects, who made no sound.
There was one creature, however, that was not so quiet. It burned surprisingly cold compared to the others and was only really a shadow in comparison. But it let of a strange sort of hissing buzzing that made their radio antenna rattle a bit.
They swarmed around it in surprise, pleasantly shocked and pleased when it floated up to meet them, much smaller but quite similar. It had no tentacles but many legs, and there was evidence that it could understand the silent, bright ones that hung around it.
They buzzed in excitement and the creature buzzed back
Extraordinary, and exciting.
It was a pleasure that the creature had returned with friends.
***
The swarm of Lumin took each of them by the hand and gently pulled them back towards the shade. Adam was more than thankful for the sun was hurting his eyes, something terrible.
“They seem happy to see us.:” Sunny mused, “Though I have no idea why.”
“Are you always this suspicious?” Adam wondered.
“Forgive me for being cautious.”
They were brought into the center of the room, and clustered about by the large glowing creatures. Adam smiled and remained still as more of the creatures floated by rubbing their tentacles against the hair on his had, in what seemed like some sort of greeting, though he could have been very wrong.
“I can hear them.” krill muttered staring around at their hosts with wide eyes.
Adam sat up, “You can!”
“Yes, it is like a distant humming that rises and falls in pitch, though I am afraid much of it might be outside of m range of hearing.”
“Alright everyone, turn on your radio receivers and see if that makes any sort of difference.”
They did as he ordered, and he did the same clipping the specially designed earpiece to his ear.
He turned it on, “Testing, one two, can you hear me.”
All around them the lumin billowed and spun. At first he worried that he had somehow bothered or offended them, but the way they touched his hands after he spoke made it seem that it was good news.
“I think they can hear you, and the best part is they understand that it’s you.”
“Well technically since radio frequencies are a form of light, it means they can see you.” Krill added
Adam turned his head to frown at Krill, “Just go ahead and kill the moment why don’t you.”
“I was just correcting your science.”
“No one likes a know it all, Krill.” He glanced over at the scientists, “Anyway, is this something that we can make sense of?”
The two of them had their heads together whispering together, and when he spoke they looked up, “It is hard to say. I believe their language works in oscillation of radio waves, though the patterns are going to be hard to decipher. They do not have individual words, and because of this I think it is a possibility that they may not speak in…. Specifics if that makes sense.””
“Will we be able to communicate with them at all?”
“I think it could be possible.” hold on
It was just then that Adam heard a strange static in one ear and was suddenly confused when he heard his own voice repeated back at him through what seemed to be TV static.
He turned to stare at the Lumin, which lay a tentacle on his shoulder. It looked like it was staring directly at him.
He heard his voice repeated back at him, “Will we be able to communicate with them at all?”
The scientists stared, “They are mimicking your radio signals back…. This might be possible after all.”
***
They were a very old species, they were a very wise species. These were not the only ones who had come before, and they would not be the last to come. When they changed their vibrating voices to vibrating waves of light, the Lumin understood. Not so much the words, but the meaning.
As before, they were very old and very wise.
They understood light in a way that it was not understood by anyone else.
They understood the fluctuation in the bodies before them, they understood the fluctuation in the radio signals all around them. There was nothing that they did not understand
Happiness burned bright from the creatures as they mimicked their light back at them. They wanted to communicate, and the Lumin wanted to speak back. They wanted to speak and make peace with these strange curious creatures.
The Lumin understood, and they felt the heat and the light brighten as they made physical contact with the creatures. Physical contact brought out familiarity and warth, bring up the heat even higher than it was before. It worked the most on the one they knew from before.
As it spoke to them, filling their eyes with its light, it ran its strange appendages through theirs, the little tentacles at the end of its fingers winding about them and then letting go, allowing them to slip through. It’s hands were gentle, and they saw no malice from it.
Of course, they knew what the creature was. They knew it had danger.
With the heat it produced it was clearly a consumer, and producing more heat and light than others it was a predator. Predators were the most beautiful with their great ebbing and flowing light, despite how dangerous they were, through the lumin were not one to judge.
They were not difficult to understand, these creatures.
It was not so hard to parse out what they were thinking and saying. They clearly wanted to know how the Lumin communicated, they wanted knowledge that the Lumin were willing to give them. With their great knowledge they would help. They knew these creatures did not speak like the lumin did. They did not speak as a collective, but as individual voices taking turns.
The lumin could do that if they so wished, but after a thousand yars they saw no need.
It was not their desire to speak separately from each other if they did not have to.
So The lumin fed them phrases slowly, and mimicked their own, extrapolating the information from the patterns of light.
Lumin understood light more than they understood anything else.
Light was sacred.
Light was pure.
And now that these creatures spoke with light, they could speak back to them.
THey noticed things.
Words that referenced the self, and words that referenced others. They understood when the creatures were talking bout them and when they were talking about each other.
Slowly they were beginning to understand, and when they understood, every one of them understood with greater comprehension.
It would not be long before they understood completely.
***
Adam Sat on the floor next to one of the lumin, who floated with its tentacles dragging along the ground.
He held one of it’s front tentacles in his palm as if they were holding hands, “We come in peace.”
The creature stared at him, its large flaps billowing slowly as if underwater.
“We.” It repeated back,, and as it did it waved a tentacle towards the others, and then around to him.
He nodded eagerly, “We, yes.”
The scientists stared on in awe, “How they can understand us so quickly…. I…. Its almost a miracle. How….”
Adam paused looking up at the creature, “They must be far more intelligent than any creature that we have ever discovered. There is no other explanation.”
“They do not seem to have a word that includes me or I just we and us. It is as if they think as a collective.”
Krill shifted and buzzed a bit, floating closer to one of the creatures, “IF they were able to think as one miind, than it would make sense that they could be so intelligent. A single brain that large working on one problem. There is nothing that they could not do.”
“Than why havent they bothered to leave their planet?” Sunny wondered staring at them with her eyes still narrowed.
Adam placed his hand against the creature rubbing over it’s soft skin, “I think…. Well I think they don’t WANT to leave.”
“What gives you that impression?”
“Because….. wellI don’t know. Its just when they speak, it seems so peaceful…. As if they could want for nothing more.”
“Now your just making things up,” Krillannounced
Adam rolled his eyes, “Whatever you say. I still think that they are…. Peaceful, tranquil almost.
“Wish I could have some of that.” one of the marines muttered, twisting one of the creature’s tentacles through his fingers and then letting it billow away.
“Now we just let the linguists do what they need to do, and hopefully this is communication that we can have sooner rather than later.”
***
They began at first with words, their light had a system of communicating. And when more abstract concepts came, they were s"end strange impressions of…. images , light brought still to their minds.
It was a strange way to communicate, but any light was important, any light was accepted, and so they brought the light into themselves, and they understood it like none could understand.
The light was what they lived for.
The light is what they hoped for.
The first words that were spoken between the two species and understood was.
“We are here.”
When they had to leave, the Lumin hoped for a return, and received it. The light passed overhead many times as they came and went, and the lumin understood more and more.
The first words that were really understood between the two was.
“We come in peace.”
And the lumin responds.
“We accept your peace.”
The lumin could understand them and they could understand the lumin.
Together they shared light and all was well
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Fate and Phantasms #129: Artoria Pendragon (Archer)
Today on Fate and Phantasms, our fun in the sun continues as we make yet another Artoria Pendragon. Geez, we’re over 100 builds in and they just keep coming. How many of you are there?
...Wow that’s a lot of clones.
Anyway, Artoria’s known for two things- the existential horror of existing in over a dozen places simultaneously, and now, her skill with water guns. I choose to believe those are connected somehow.
Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!
Next up: Summer lovin’, happened so fast!
Race and Background
Again, there’s nothing new here. You’re a Human, giving you +1 to all stats. You’re also a Knight, getting History and Persuasion proficiencies.
Ability Scores
Your Charisma was already pretty strong, and thanks to Summer helping you chill out a bit it’s only gotten stronger. Instead of focusing on Strength, your mana bursts now empower you Dexterity for greater speed and avoiding other player’s shots. You’ll also need some Wisdom to spot enemies lying in wait. Your Constitution hasn’t been changed much by your class change, but your Strength did take a hit as did your Intelligence. It’s Summer, the one time you don’t have to worry too much.
Class Levels
1. Sorcerer 1: Thanks to your ranged weapon specialization this time around, being a paladin is completely useless for us! The good news though is that we can finally take a moment to appreciate your Draconic Bloodline. As the descendent of a white dragon, you get abilities related to Cold damage later on. You also double your proficiency in charisma checks against dragons. Your Draconic Resilience makes your sorcerer hit dice slightly less terrible, and you get a permanent mage armor effect, making your AC 13 plus your dexterity modifier.
On top of that, you get proficiency in Constitution and Charisma saves, as well as two sorcerer skills- Intimidation and Religion. You can really put the fear of god into people.
You also get Spells you can cast using your Charisma. Grab Frostbite, Shape Water, and Ray of Frost for the opening salvo, Light so you can still make your sword all cool and glowy without God helping out, Expeditious Retreat for a bit of speed, and Charm Person because there aren’t that many first level spells I really like for you.
2. Warlock 1: You wouldn’t be King Arthur without Merlin hanging on like a hair in a biscuit, so let’s spend this time to make you a Archfey warlock again. This gives you a Fey Presence that lets you force Wisdom saves on creatures in a 10 foot cube (DC 8 + proficiency + dexterity modifier) or they become frightened/charmed by you for a round once per short rest. You are the king of the britons wielding a deadly weapon, but you’re also in a bikini, so either one works here.
You also get Pact Magic, another spell list that also uses your Charisma to cast. This spell slot doesn’t mix with your other spells, so just use the normal spell tables to figure out how many you have.
You get Friends for more charisma shenanigans, Eldritch Blast for a quick and easy water gun (it’s force instead of cold, but that just means you’re blasting them really hard). For first level spells, Armor of Agathys ensures you get water all over the place when you’re hit. I told you to put a towel down before you sat in the car, but noooo... You also get a Healing Elixir to create a healing potion. Nobody will judge you if you take a sip out of your water gun. Actually I just saw its color, everyone will judge you. But it’s still healing.
3. Warlock 2: Second level warlocks get some Eldritch Invocations to customize your squirting experience. Lance of Lethargy makes your Eldritch Blasts slow down enemies when they hit once per turn by making their socks a bit squishier. Most people would call it rude to attack someone with a squirt gun when they’re clearly not ready, but you call it strategy. Like usual, we’re saving the other one for level 3.
You also get Protection from Evil and Good, because even if you’re not a paladin officially, you still gotta get some of the holy flavor in there.
4. Warlock 3: You’ve probably figured it out already, but your pact boon is the Pact of the Blade, allowing you to create a magical melee weapon as an action. Thanks to your Improved Pact Weapon, you can also make it a crossbow, if you really want an actual water gun. Regardless of its form it gets +1 to attacks and damage. You’re limited to two-handed crossbows though, so you won’t be able to dual-wield a gun and sword like in your NP.
You can also cast Calm Emotions, to cool down your allies and enemies alike with a little playful water. Don’t mix this up with your killing people water, that’s an easy mistake to make.
5. Sorcerer 2: Second level sorcerers are a Font of Magic giving you a number of sorcery points equal to your sorcerer level each long rest. Right now you can use them to recharge spell slots, or vice versa. This gets more interesting next level.
You can also cast Magic Missile now! it might not be cold damage, but it is very accurate.
6. Sorcerer 3: Third level sorcerers can use their sorcery points for Metamagic, adding extra effects to their spells. Right now you get two options, Distant Spell doubles the range of spells that involve attack rolls, making your water guns fire on par with most bows. Empowered Spell allows you to re-roll damage dice on your spell for some extra pumps before firing. Both of these cost 1 point.
You also learn how to fire a little wildly thanks to Snilloc’s Snowball Storm, launching cold damage in a 5 foot radius, dealing full damage to creatures who fail a dexterity save (DC 8+proficiency+charisma) or half as much if they succeed.
7. Sorcerer 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to round up your Dexterity and Constitution scores for better weapon attacks, a higher AC, and more health and concentration.
Your next cantrip is Blade Ward in case you miss raging, and you can cast Alter Self to give yourself a swim speed and water breathing. There’s other uses, but you can just ignore these.
8. Warlock 4: You get another ASI right away, so use this to become an Elemental Adept. Your spells now ignore resistance to cold damage, and all dice rolled for damage count as at least 2. Your water blitz skills grow by the day.
You can also Create Bonfire for a cookout after the match, or take a Misty Step for some extra speed.
9. Warlock 5: Fifth level warlocks get third level spells, and Spirit Shroud will allow you to add extra cold damage to your closeup attacks, and make your surroundings a bit more slippery for enemies.
You also get the invocation Eldritch Smite. Just because you aren’t a paladin doesn’t mean you can’t hit like one.
10. Sorcerer 5: Your Magical Guidance lets you spend a sorcery point to re-roll a failed ability check, because being a protagonist means never having to say “I got a nat 1.”
You can also cast Water Walk at this level to walk on water. This is more in-character than alter self, use this instead.
11. Sorcerer 6: You now have an Elemental Affinity for cold damage, adding your charisma modifier to cold damage caused by spells. When you deal damage with such a spell, you can also spend a sorcery point to gain resistance to cold damage. You’re probably the only person in the party in a bathing suit, water shouldn’t be an issue for you.
You can also cast Haste now for even more extra speed and eldritch blasts.
12. Sorcerer 7: Seventh level sorcerers get fourth level spells such as Stoneskin. We’re not spending levels on barbarian this build either, but that doesn’t mean you should miss out.
13. Sorcerer 8: Use this ASI to bump up your Charisma for stronger and more damaging spells. You also get Watery Sphere this level. I don’t have a way to flavor this as a watergun technique, but there’s only so many cold spells so we can’t be picky.
14. Warlock 6: As a sixth level feylock you speed up a lot thanks to your Misty Escape. As a reaction to taking damage, you can turn invisible and teleport up to 60 feet away, once per short rest.
You can also cast Blink to become fast enough to be completely unhittable. At the end of each turn, you’ll have a 50/50 shot of vanishing into the ethereal plane. You’ll pop back in at the start of your next turn, or if the spell ends.
15. Warlock 7: Your final spell is the fourth level Elemental Bane, forcing a constitution save on a target creature. If they fail, the first time they take cold damage each turn they take extra damage as well, and lose resistance to the damage type. (It also works on other types of damage, but... come on.) You also have a Thirsting Blade, allowing you to attack twice with your pact weapon each turn.
16. Sorcerer 9: At ninth level your aim starts getting really wonky, turning your watergun into a Cone of Cold. It’s a cone, it’s cold. It forces a constitution save.
17. Sorcerer 10: With another metamagic option you get Twinned Spell, allowing for double the blasts at once.
If you really wanted to, you could cast True Strike. Or you could do something productive with your turn and go with Far Step, giving you teleportation as a bonus action each turn the spell stays up.
18. Sorcerer 11: Your sixth level spell gives you the nicest bikini magic can make, the Investiture of Ice. This outfit makes you Immune to Cold damage and resistant to fire damage, causes the area around you to become difficult terrain, and you can create cold blasts as an action, dealing cold damage and further reducing the speed of anything that gets caught in it and fails a constitution save.
19. Sorcerer 12: Last ASI, bump up your Dexterity. More AC, better weapon fighting, yadda yadda.
20. Sorcerer 13: Your capstone level nets you a seventh level spell, Plane Shift. I’m not entirely sure where that place you do your noble phantasm is located, but I’d bet the elemental plane of water will make a great substitute.
Pros:
Sorcerers are good blasters, and you show that off nicely. With haste and a quickened spell you can fire off three supercharged cantrips per round, or the powerful eldritch blast. Or, you can use other spells like Spirit Shroud or Elemental Bane to push your spell damage even higher.
Thanks to all that ice and water you’re sporting you’re great at slowing down creatures, controlling the tide of battle by controlling the tide.
Compounding on that, you’re pretty mobile thanks to those teleportation spells to pop you around the battlefield, making you a real nuisance to pin down.
Cons:
All three of those pros mostly rely on concentration spells, meaning you’ll have to pick which one you’re good at at any one time. You also run the risk of wasting spell slots by dropping them since we spent all your ASIs on feats and attack stats instead of constitution.
We got a lot out of multiclassing into warlock, but we also lost a lot, especially in regards to sorcery points. It’s a good thing you’re good a blasting, because you’re not good at extended fights.
If you could focus on either your sword or your water gun, you’d have a much easier time squeezing yourself into 20 levels. You dual wield though, so we have to split our attention.
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Souls of Mischief || Morgan & Caoimhe
TIMING: the recent past
LOCATION: UMWC
PARTIES: @evebrennan & @mor-beck-more-problems
SUMMARY: Two adjuncts square up against the new dean. Is it really a UMWC faculty meeting if everything goes according to plan?
CONTAINS: N/A
Since the dean of the arts and sciences college had gotten his face eaten and the volmugger dean who unofficially replaced him had been sliced and diced, the faculty meeting had to be postponed until summer. With all the deaths and disappearances from the last year, the faculty was able to squeeze comfortably into one of the small lecture halls from the early days of the school, pre AC. They were twenty minutes in and Morgan’s nose was starting to pick up the sour smell of human sweat filling the room. As she slumped deeper into her chair, she found herself thinking that maybe the volmugger dean hadn’t been so bad after all. At least his meeting probably would have been over by now.
She turned to the woman next to her. “Do you ever wish for a fire scare or a cryptid attack during these, or is that just a me thing?”
Humans were captivating for their creativity, and Caoimhe had never encountered anything as terribly uncreative as a routine meeting. Death by powerpoints, a man droning on about grading rubrics and research coming out of New York City. Somewhere in there was a hopeful message about Summer classes and plans for the Fall, but the man’s tone never changed. She felt liable to crawl out of her own skin should it go on for much longer, shifting restlessly in her seat. Typically, in a room so full, there would always be someone to whom Caoimhe was drawn. It was true, meetings sucked the creativity out of everything.
She was halfway through a list of ways she could get out of it, varying from a simple bathroom excuse to complete university meltdown, when a voice piped up from beside her. Ah, better. “Only every meeting. We could make it happen. Any of the above. I prefer bothering them with increasingly outrageous questions until they give up and let us go, personally.” She wondered how long it would take to get him going. If she could get him to give up before the PowerPoint was done. “Ten bucks says if we team up, we could be out of here before he can bring up the next slide.”
Morgan quirked her eyes with interest. Generally, the most she got out of someone was a little indulgent smile (so funny, Morgan; you and your little quips) or a grimace of agreement, because solidarity was the only thing that made these meetings bearable. No one really talked back, much less turned around and offered something back. Morgan scooted closer to the woman.
“Are you serious? Because I can’t tell if you’re serious, and if you’re not serious, I’m going to be really embarrassed when I ask that guy to explain why he chose the font he did for this thrilling presentation and no one jumps in to one up me.” She sat up a little straighter, tilting her head in a show of false interest at the presentation. “If we do make this work, we should give ourselves something nice. As a treat, you know?”
Oh, there was hope for the meeting yet. Caoimhe sat up, finding a grin that didn’t match the less-than-lively meeting topic in the least. She showed more interest in a matter of moments than she had for the entirety of the meeting up to that point, and she couldn’t even be bothered to care. It was so rare that anyone was willing to play along. Most meetings were spent tapping her toes against carpet, or filling quickly sketched staff lines in the margins of her notes. Some part of her felt she should pay attention, given she was new and working on a good first impression, but the meeting was unbearably boring, and there was someone present who was perfectly willing to cause some trouble.
“I don’t joke around when it comes to...joking around.” She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head around a laugh, turning back to the front. Displayed was a slide reading “2021 Changes,” and she was certain they’d been covering changes for at least thirty minutes. Freedom was imminent. “My vote is ice cream.”
Her vote was anything that wasn’t another staff meeting. She raised her hand, “Excuse me, sorry. I just couldn’t help but notice you’re using the Geometric theme by Slides. It’s an excellent choice, very clean. May I ask why Geometric instead of, say, Plum, or Spearmint?”
It took the New Dean several seconds to realize someone else was talking. He blinked behind his tortoiseshell glasses at Caoimhe, then at his presentation, then back again. “This...was recommended to me by my assistant.” He laughed affably. “And if you’ll observe, as we move on to the next section of the faculty code of conduct, the hexagons make for a very convenient grouping of text, so you can differentiate between the point and the rationale…” He fumbled with his clicker and brought the next slide up.
“Oh, actually, I have a question about that formatting!” Morgan called. “The color contrast you picked is interesting, but I was wondering why you deviated from black and white. And why the font? It’s not so great for those of us in the back or with visual impairments. Which, I dunno, considering our disciplines is probably a lot of us, right?”
A few women sitting nearby sniggered.
“Obviously I can’t speak for anyone else, but everything you’re saying reads like gibberish to me. And I feel like my professional enrichment is being underserved.”
Ah, the next slide. Caoimhe was only allowed a moment of defeat before her partner in crime piped up, and the Dean’s initial laughter faded into a look of disbelief. The energy in the room changed. People were shifting in their chairs, interest piqued. Caoimhe could see a few burying their heads in the crook of their elbow, or covering their laughter with a hand over their mouths. She had a feeling she was going to like UMWC. Not if every meeting derailed so easily, not if she’d always have someone so perfectly willing to try.
“Oh, my deepest apologies.” There was a pause, then, while the Dean twisted the clicker in his hands and considered his next course of action. Caoimhe could see the red creeping into his cheeks, and she might’ve felt bad for him, if she wasn’t enjoying herself so much.
“There’s actually a site to help with contrast, as well as outlines of the best fonts to use in presentations. For example, Garamond fonts look very professional, yet are still easy to read.” Caoimhe grinned, “I can send an email, even carbon copy your assistant, if you’d like.”
Morgan turned to Caoimhe as if noticing her for the first time. “Oh, my gosh! Could you? That sounds so amazing and helpful. Barbara--” She waved down a woman two rows up. “You had a student who was color-blind and dyslexic last semester, right? Did you ever figure out what the best format and coloring was for him?”
“No, that was me!” Another woman, Stephanie Shannon, called. Stephanie liked to be an authority on things. It made it easier to correct everyone else. And so, when Morgan happened to call the wrong woman, of course she had to be corrected. Stephanie launched into a long anecdote about her student and the research she did, and which websites were not at all helpful, and so on.
The New Dean tapped his microphone. “If we could turn back to business--”
“I believe Doctor Shannon is still speaking,” Morgan said, unable to hide the glee in her voice.
“Thank you, Professor Beck,” Stephanie said, genuinely touched.
Morgan leaned back in her seat and turned to Caoimhe. “So, the real question is whether we want to see if his face is going to get any redder or if we want to pretend to go to the ladies’ room and never come back.”
Chaos ensued and Caoimhe barely managed to conceal a smile behind her hand. The careful structure of the meeting falling to pieces around them was almost enough to make her stay, but it was still a meeting, and she was willing to bet Doctor Shannon had about as much to say as the Dean did. The deed was done. If she stayed in her spot another moment longer, her laughter would give her away.
A quick excuse and she was tumbling into the hallway, the sound of continued arguing cutting off abruptly as the door shut in her wake. The amount of joy she derived from the dean’s expression as she ducked out was near pathological.
“Professor Beck, was it?” Caoimhe had grown well-accustomed to starting over, to finding her footing in new environments. There was always a nook into which she could burrow herself, even if it was a box-strewn hotel room rented by the week. She preferred it when it looked like this. Like university hallways and bookshelves, drifting notes from a piano in a practice room, and sometimes people. They were always the hardest. They had interests, opinions, smiles and laughter of their own. It was easy to leave behind a bookshelf or a piano. It wasn’t always easy to leave behind people, the rare friend. Professor Beck had jumped in with the same glee Caoimhe had, and she already found herself thinking about what it would mean to leave. “I’m stealing you for every meeting. I’m sorry, it’s just the way it’s going to be.”
Morgan followed her new friend out. People seldom questioned women leaving in pairs, and she’d just earned some much needed goodwill. When the doors to the lecture room closed behind her, she finally let herself laugh, more pleased with herself than she’d been in a long time.
“Why yes,” she said, bowing dramatically. “Morgan Beck, at your service. I am great at distractions, petty theft, and driving away unwanted attention. My knowledge of literature isn’t so bad either.” She laughed again and sidled up to the other woman. “I would be honored, thrilled even, to be your partner in crime for the next meeting. But first, I definitely want to know who I have the honor of being in cahoots with, and if I can steal you for my meetings too.” It had been a while since she’d had a reason to feel happy at work. Since she’d had a real friend she could do shallow simple things with. There was no keeping the supernatural from coming to her door no matter where she went, but a moment of good, a little bubble of fun and nothing now and then, could be worth a lot.
“Oh, Morgan!” Caoimhe stood up a little straighter, grinning. “English professor Morgan? Likes the Cranberries Morgan?” She gave her own bow, “It’s Caoimhe, Music professor, new in town. Also great at distractions, and car sing alongs like you wouldn’t believe.” Suddenly, White Crest didn’t feel quite so daunting. It felt just that little bit more like somewhere she could settle, if she ever found herself in a capacity to do so. Perhaps there was something to the fog, to the way it felt disconnected in a way no other town had managed. Perhaps there was something to letting herself have friendships in the in-between.
There was muffled arguing from behind the door, and Caoimhe descended into another laugh, moving further down the hallway. There’d been some mention of a treat in reward of success, and the rapidly derailing meeting behind them was definitely a success. “Now, as much fun as that was, I’ve already enlisted you as my arm wrestling champion, how could I possibly expect even more of you?”
“Yes! That’s me! And you’re Vivaldi and Britney Spears Caoimhe?” Morgan gaped. She followed Caoimhe down the hall, shoes skittering in a cascade of delight as she avoided the oncoming faculty approaching the door. “Oh, you’re amazing! You’re like the first cool person my age here and you actually give a shit about your students and teaching and you sing in the car too? Do you also sing karaoke? I just--feel like you’re one swooping in here and making everything here a whole lot better. Let me get you something, a drink, or lunch or whatever people with sudden free-time do.” She caught up to herself, hearing the echo of her own rambling and her unchecked enthusiasm in the hall. “Or, um, a rain check. Obviously. But, you really do seem great and this place isn’t kind to great people, especially when they’re isolated. And, you know, selfishly, I really do appreciate having a partner in crime. There’s only so much mischief you can get up to when it’s you against the world.”
“Okay, okay correction.” Caoimhe matched the same excited rambling coming from Morgan. She talked with her hands. Her mother would grab them sometimes, pin them to a table and say her name sharp, but with a smile tugging at the edges of her lips. Caoimhe never did make an effort to fix it. “It’s you and me against the world now, so just jot that one down. Or...at the very least boring staff meetings. We can work up to the whole world part, but I’m dedicated.”
She tucked her thumbs into the pockets of her slacks. She liked the sound of Vivaldi and Britney Spears Caoimhe, and cool person, and lunch between classes. Of someone who seemed just as excited to wreak havoc as she was, who cared about her students, who liked karaoke, and oh. That one wouldn’t be the best idea, but the rest! Caoimhe would happily get behind the rest. “Yes to karaoke sometimes, no to the rain check.” She parsed through the onslaught to address one item at a time, quick and with just as much enthusiasm as the questions had been asked. “You seem great, I don’t rain check great. But reverse it, let me get you a drink, or lunch, or something.”
Morgan couldn’t fight the way she brightened up at Caoimhe’s assurances. “Okay! Then--” Shoot. She didn’t eat out anymore. Or enjoy most food. “Coffee? I know it’s hot and terrible outside, but we can get something iced. I know where the best places in town are.” And she could actually taste a quad shot latte. “I’ll let you pay this time, but only because it contractually obligates a second outing when I get to pay. And the sky’s the limit there, because while we adjuncts might get shit for pay, I get some very generous supplemented by my unspeakably wonderful future-wife.” She slipped her hands into her own skirt pockets and elbowed Caoimhe, grinning. “I like the sound of that, though: you and me against the department and really boring faculty meetings. Today the arts college, tomorrow the school, and then who knows?”
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The Bartender - Part 6, Final Chapter
Genre: Bartender!AU
Pairing: Jinhwan x You (Female!Reader)
Warnings: Mentions of alcohol
Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 | Words: 2,082
Six Months Later
“Tonight?” you asked with a soft chuckle. “But it’s a Tuesday.”
Why was Jinhwan asking you to come to the bar tonight? He certainly knew by now that you made it a habit to only go on Friday evenings or on the weekend -- mainly just Saturday, though.
“I know, but -- please just come,” he replied.
A sigh slid through your lips, and you closed your eyes briefly as you said, “I have kind of a busy schedule tomor --”
“You don’t have to stay long,” Jinhwan interrupted.
Your brow furrowed gently. “...And it has to be tonight?”
“It has to be tonight. ...Please.”
Well. You certainly couldn’t refuse him when he said please twice. That would just be rude!
“Okay,” you relented. “I’ll stop by after work for a little bit. Do you want me to bring you anything to eat?”
You, at least, figured the two of you could share a quick meal together back in his private office. If you were going to be at a bar on a Tuesday evening, you certainly wanted to make it worth your while and spend some quality, alone time with your boyfriend.
“No, don’t worry about dinner,” he told you.
...What? Don’t worry about dinner? But he was asking you to go to Jay’s after work, and he knew you typically ate dinner right after you got home in the evening.
“Wha --”
“I’ll see you later, okay, baby?” he said hastily. “I gotta go. Drive safe -- see you -- miss you!” And then he made some kissing noises into the phone before the line went dead.
Oh.
Okay, then.
It wasn’t terribly unlike Jinhwan to plan things, but he usually didn’t make it so secretive. After your first date, he discovered that life with you tended to be much easier when he shared his plans with you beforehand.
So, something was definitely fishy about this whole thing.
You spun around in your office chair, eyeing your planner but not actually looking at it. You just needed something to focus on as you thought this through.
Why was he being so unforthcoming about his plans for the evening? If you were only going to be there for a short while, and you weren’t even going to eat dinner there, why wouldn’t he just --
A thought suddenly popped into your head, and it made your heart momentarily stop beating.
What if he was planning to propose?
You quickly shook your head, dismissing that thought because he absolutely would not be proposing. The two of you hadn’t even said ‘I love you’ to each other yet!
...But maybe the fact that you’d just been very swift to think that he might propose meant you should say it.
You felt it, of course, and you had a very solid notion that he did, too. In fact, there had been quite a few times over the past couple of months when you thought he might tell you.
But now that you really thought about it, you concluded that he was probably waiting for you to say it first. You couldn’t blame him in the least for that; it was very rarely easy to know how you were feeling just by looking at you. Over the years, you’d gotten used to telling the people in your life when you were upset, excited, nervous -- or any other emotion. But you hadn’t yet mastered telling someone you loved them.
When you spun back around in your chair to face your computer, you made a mental note to tell Jinhwan sometime soon -- very soon. You did, in fact, love him, and he deserved to know.
But anyway -- you still hadn’t figured out why he would be inviting you to the bar tonight, on a Tuesday!
One glance at the clock on your computer told you it was time to get back to work, though, so you would have to just wait and see.
In an interesting turn of events, Emma had messaged you that afternoon inquiring about your plans for the evening.
This was also somewhat suspicious because she rarely, if ever, asked what you were doing on a weeknight. She knew better than Jinhwan your proclivity towards restricting anything “fun” to the weekends.
But the fact that her contact made you wary didn’t stop you from telling her. And when she read that you would be stopping by Jay’s after work, she almost immediately replied back that she would meet you there -- which wasn’t surprising.
Jay had hired a bartender not too long ago, a very mysterious man named Yongguk, and Emma had quickly decided he was her ideal type. She would jump at any chance to go and see him.
So, here you were, pulling into Jay’s and parking next to Emma’s waiting car.
As soon as you stepped out, you stood and turned to face your friend who was getting out of her own car.
“What’s going on?” you asked with narrowed eyes.
“...What do you mean?”
“Why did you ask me what I was doing on a Tuesday night?”
Emma immediately pulled her lips into an angelic smile, and then your thoughts that something fishy was going on were cemented.
“I swear, I don’t know anything,” she assured you as the two of you met on the sidewalk. “Jinhwan just called me and told me to ask you what you were doing and that I should come along.”
Oh, he was good. He was very good. Asking Emma to take part in his plan but not actually telling her the plan? Smart move, Sir. Very smart.
“Well, something is definitely going on,” you murmured.
“I bet it’s something exciting,” Emma grinned as you approached the front door of the bar. “He knows you. He wouldn’t get you to come here on a weeknight if it weren’t for a very good reason.”
“This is true,” you nodded, walking through and stepping into the place you’d come to be so familiar with over the past six months.
Not even one second passed before you heard Jinhwan call out your name, and when your eyes found him standing behind the counter, you smiled warmly and lifted a hand to wave at him.
Emma suddenly grabbed your hand, pulling you toward the bar with a clear purpose: she’d just spotted Yongguk mixing a drink a few feet away from your boyfriend, and now she was making her way to the bar stool right in front of him.
As soon as you slid onto the stool right in front of your man, you heard Emma greet Yongguk with a very eager but breathless “Hi.” The quiet, handsome man murmured his response, and then you shifted your gaze away to let Emma do her thing.
“Fancy meeting you here,” Jinhwan smirked just as you turned to face him.
“Oh, yes, fancy that,” you replied sarcastically. “What’s going on?”
Your boyfriend immediately looked affronted, his head rearing back as his forehead wrinkled deeply. “What do you mean ‘what’s going on’? I can’t ask my girlfriend to come see me? It’s not like I don’t miss you during the week.”
You pursed your lips and shot him a disbelieving look.
“Okay, fine,” he grinned. “I’m introducing something new to the menu.”
Your eyebrows rushed up your forehead, a grin to match your boyfriend’s appearing on your own lips. “Oh, you finally finished it?”
For basically the entirety of your relationship so far, Jinhwan had been in the process of concocting a new drink. He’d had you taste dozens and dozens of variations of the drink and, being the good girlfriend you are, you’d provided him with honest, constructive feedback every time.
In fact, the last time you’d tasted it, you hadn’t been able to tell him anything you disliked about it. It had been perfect, at least to your tastebuds.
And now it was time to make it official, apparently!
Jinhwan’s grin grew wider as he handed you a menu and pointed to the newest addition on the list. The font color was different, and there was a star right next to it so it was obvious to customers that it was a new drink.
As soon as your eyes landed on the words, they widened. Your heart flipped over and then leaped up into your chest.
You snapped your head up to stare at Jinhwan, the expression on his face one of pure pride.
He had named the drink after you.
It was right there in green font: The Y/N.
“You -- the --” you stammered. “So -- so, that’s why you had me --”
Jinhwan simply nodded, though it was obvious that he was barely able to contain his excitement.
It seemed silly -- you didn’t love going to bars, and you didn’t love alcohol as much as your boyfriend did, so you weren’t sure why your throat was tightening with emotion at the fact he had named a drink after you.
But then you realized, he’d done it because he loved you.
He loved owning his bar, he loved making drinks, and this was his way of telling you that you were just as important to him as his business.
You opened your mouth to tell him that you loved him, even though you weren’t crazy about the fact your first time saying it would be in a bar -- but Jinhwan interrupted you.
“I love you,” he said quietly.
Without hesitating, you slid off your stool and made your way to the side of the bar, heading behind it to get to him.
You rushed up to Jinhwan, reaching your arms out and latching onto him in a tight, almost desperate embrace.
“I love you, too,” you murmured, your voice muffled as you spoke into his neck.
Jinhwan had hugged you back immediately, but upon hearing your words, he squeezed you, gently digging his fingers into your back and shoulders.
And then you heard Emma’s high-pitched ‘Awwwwwwww’ and you remembered you were in a public place.
But... this time, you didn’t care. You kept hugging your boyfriend -- the boyfriend you loved and had loved and would always love.
“I have something else to tell you,” he said softly.
You pulled away just the tiniest bit, lifting your gaze to meet his. “Hmm?”
“The new health inspector came in today,” he smirked.
“Oh?” Your eyebrows rose curiously, and you waited on tenterhooks to hear the outcome.
Instead of telling you, he nodded over toward the wall behind the bar, and when you turned your head to look, you saw the report card hanging up.
A 100.
“See? I got full marks all by myself, no flirting included.”
You pinched his arm, your forehead wrinkling as you whipped your head back to look at him. “There better not have been!”
“There wasn’t!” he defended. “Will you add 100 points to my score?”
A soft chuckle escaped your lips, and you moved to rest your chin back on his shoulder. “Yes, of course.”
“So, what’s my total now?”
“Three thousand and seven hundred,” you replied immediately. Adding an even 100 to his previous score had been far too easy. “Although, I think I will make it four thousand after what you did tonight.”
“Four thousand,” Jinhwan grinned. “I’ve never gotten a score of four thousand on anything before.”
“Oh, come on,” you chuckled. “Four thousand will be nothing later on down the road. Just think about how many points you could earn in another six months. Or a year. Two years!”
Jinhwan squeezed you a little, one corner of his lips lifting into a smirk. “You know I don’t do anything for you just to get points.”
“I know,” you beamed. “That’s why I keep doing it.”
Well... that and because you just liked scoring things.
“Yeah, but you also just like scoring things. Giving points is kinda your thing.”
“That it is,” you giggled.
“And I love you for it.”
“I love you, too.” You smiled brightly before leaning back and moving to press your lips to his.
Right now, you didn’t care that you weren’t alone and that you were still in a public place -- it was a Tuesday evening, the bar was hardly full, anyway.
No, right now, all you cared about was kissing your boyfriend. Showing and telling him how much you loved him. Making sure he knew he was worth more than a measly four thousand points.
Way, way more.
#kwritersworldnet#jinhwan scenarios#jinhwan imagines#jinhwan au#jinhwan fluff#jinhwan fanfic#ikon scenarios#ikon imagines#ikon au#ikon fluff#ikon fanfic#kpop scenarios#kpop imagines#kpop au#kpop fluff#kpop fanfic#ikon#jinhwan#kim jinhwan#ikon jay
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misc royality #3
summary: patton and roman talk after “putting others first”
words: 2k / ship: royality
warnings: might come across as a little harsh towards deceit but that’s definitely the author′s bias versus how the characters feel. uh, outburst of emotions, hiding one’s feelings. lmk if there’s anything else.
author’s note: BEFORE YOU READ, PLEASE UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS UNFINISHED!! I DO NOT HAVE PLANS TO FINISH IT!! it stops at a point that can be considered a happy ending, in my opinion, or at the very least hopeful and heading towards resolution. i started writing this on may 11 and have since read too many posts about the episode/royality during or after the episode/etc to feel happy with where i was going here. it has not been beta’d. i hope you enjoy regardless <3
— — —
Okay, so that had gone… about as terribly as it could have.
To be fair! … To be fair, things had been alright for a bit. Patton had genuinely been trying not to force his opinions on anyone else, Thomas had been open to hearing from both of them, and Roman had done his best to reign in the insults. He thought he’d done a pretty good job, standing up for himself while making sure still to support Patton. It hadn’t been easy, sure, wanting to mention how attending the wedding had been a waste, and how they’d have been better off at the callback, and how he wished their court scenario had gone differently, but that… That was all water under the bridge. The bridge might have needed some work, admittedly, given that Roman could feel the heat licking at his heels, but that wasn’t something he could worry about right now.
Right now, all he could worry about was figuring out where he stood on this good versus evil scale. Heh… scale. Yeah, thinking about the reptilian rapscallion was not going to improve his mood. Roman sighed, pushing a hand through his hair, and kicking his boots off the moment he arrived in his room. They disappeared under the bed, which was going to be very annoying when he couldn’t find them tomorrow, but whatever, that was a problem for future Roman. The only problem current Roman had was trying to understand the line between right and wrong.
It was wrong to laugh at Deceit’s name, at… at Janus sharing something important and then throwing it right back in his face. It was right to be selfish, but only sometimes. It was wrong to put others before oneself, but only sometimes. It was right to lie to spare someone’s feelings…
Roman couldn’t remember that being a part of their discussion but like hell he could forget that he was no longer Thomas’ hero. He wasn’t even sure if it would have hurt less, had Thomas been honest about it.
Maybe Janus was wrong, a small traitorous part of him hoped. Maybe something got lost in translation.
Yeah, and maybe he hadn’t been tricked before. He had to keep his guard up now more than ever… Regardless of whether Patton and Thomas trusted Janus, Roman couldn’t… Not after he’d been fooled so many times already.
He’d just been considering disappearing into the Fantasy Realm for an arduous adventure, something to take his mind off of things until he could better process them, when there was a knock at the door.
“Ro, honey?”
Flinching at the simple sound of Patton’s voice was definitely something worth being concerned about, but he shoved it into the pile of things he’d deal with later. Instead, he fluffed his hair and straightened his sash and put on a smile. It stung a little bit, to do so, when all he wanted was to cry, but maybe this wouldn’t take long.
“Evening, buttercup~” Roman sang as he opened the door, “to what do I owe the pleasure?
If Patton seemed put off by his cheery attitude, he didn’t show it. “I wanted to check on you. I know I’m feeling pretty rough after all that. Are you doing okay?”
“First of all, lovebug, you’re always pretty, so jot that down.” Roman was quick to remind, “as for me, you needn’t add anymore stress to your plate by worrying over this silly old prince.”
The smile that twisted Patton’s lips at the compliment was quickly replaced with a pout. He put his hands on his hips and leaned in closer. “Now Roman, you aren’t just some silly old prince. You’re the most handsome prince in the world. I think you’re very sensible and wise.”
“Logan’s room is two doors down.”
Patton scowled. “Is that a self-deprecation in my house, mister?”
Roman pretended to check his fingernails, feigning disinterest. “Technically not your house so… no, not really.”
Patton pulled away. “Is there something you’d like to get off your chest?” His tone was sincere and Roman wanted to scream because he wasn’t sure he could believe it.
“I don’t know, maybe the suffocating weight of having to be perfect for you all? Or could it be the overwhelming guilt at constantly failing to succeed in the only thing I’m good for?” Roman ignored the way his breath hitched, curled his hands into fists to resist tugging at his hair. “It might just as well be the stifling reminder of how easy I am to manipulate! Gee, Patton, I wonder what I could possibly have to be upset about!”
“Oh.”
Roman reeled back, as if he’d been slapped. Immediately, he was sure that he’d overstepped, that he’d fucked up, and that Patton was going to reprimand him for being whiny and dramatic.
“Oh, okay. Okay, hold on.”
Before Roman could realize it was happening, Patton had stepped through the door. He was trailing his fingers through the air, using the power Roman had allowed him over the room to better suit… whatever it was he had planned.
“Forget I said anything,” Roman said, voice catching. He stayed put, gesturing back out to the hallway. “I’m sure you have much more important things to handle.”
The setting sun normally filled the room with a light that was sometimes glaring due to the wall of floor to ceiling windows, but Patton had lessened it by creating sweeping lace curtains. It seemed softer now, warm and gold, almost as if everything wasn’t actually sharp and broken.
“The only thing I care to handle right now,” Patton said, approaching him, “is you.”
He closed the door before taking Roman’s hands in his. Patton’s skin was soft against Roman’s callouses, from years and years of learning how to play instruments and how to sword fight and how to work himself to the point of pain and then to grit his teeth and keep going. He tried so damn hard, all the time. What even was the point?
“Can we have an open, honest talk, please? I want to understand what’s going on.”
Roman laughed, though there was no humor to it. He yanked his hands free. “Sure. Let’s start with that ‘we love you.’ Finding it real hard to believe there was any truth to it.”
Patton looked hurt and some tiny terrible, vindictive part of Roman thought good. He hated himself for it. He let his arms fall to his sides and brushed by Patton.
He took a seat at his desk, which usually doubled as his vanity, and tried not to look at himself in the mirror. Instead, he grabbed the nearest notebook and pen, and began writing. It didn’t matter what made it from his brain to the page, just that it did, and that he had something to do with his hands and his thoughts. It was quiet for a couple of minutes but Roman knew Patton hadn’t left, for the simple sensation that came with another side being in his room. After a little while longer, Patton moved, and Roman heard the shift of blankets. He was glad, at least, that he was being given some space.
“Feel free to stop me at any point, okay?”
Roman gave him a noncommittal shrug.
“I think I know where things got messy. I really have been blind to so much. Sweetpea, I had no idea how badly Janus had been misleading you. And for such a long time… I can’t change the past but I hope in the future, I can help to protect you from these sorts of things. You keep us safe from so much, Roman. You deserve to be kept safe, too.”
Roman’s vision blurred. With shaking hands, he wiped the tears away before they could fall. He waited until the trembling subsided before speaking. “That’s very kind, dearheart, but I don’t need protecting. I can take care of myself.”
“That doesn’t mean you should have to do it alone.”
“It’s the only way I know how,” Roman said with a hollow laugh.
He finally looked up from his notebook and into the mirror. His eyes were rimmed red and he could see Patton in the reflection, twisting his hands and frowning. The glass went black at Roman’s will and he shoved away from the desk. He turned and took in his room to see what else Patton had done with it. Along with the curtains, he’d added extra strings of fairy lights and piles of pillows on the bed. Now that he was paying attention, Roman noticed the wood floor had been swapped out for plush carpet. It was all exceedingly comfortable.
Lacking the energy to go through the whole process of undressing, Roman snapped his fingers and changed into clean pajamas. Patton smiled hesitantly and did the same. A box also appeared beside him.
“I want to show you a few things. Can we cuddle?”
Roman wasn’t sure how he’d react to being touched right now but there was only one way to find out. They situated themselves in bed, sitting up against the wall with pillows at their backs. Patton stacked the extras at their sides and under their arms; Roman brushed a hand through Patton’s hair as he placed the box on top of his legs. It was cardboard and had been colored all over, decorated with stickers and glitter. On the lid, Roman’s name was written in bubbly rounded letters, surrounded by stars and hearts.
“What’s this?”
Patton opened it and reached in, blindly taking something out. It was easily recognizable for the big font written across it. Christmas Carol. The I was dotted with a star and the O wore mouse ears. Each of the C’s hosted Santa hats and beards.
God, that looks ridiculous. What were you thinking? Roman thought. All the time he’d spent had been a waste once it had become clear how little the others cared. The blatant disregard for their parts and who all they belonged to; that wasn’t even covering how they’d torn him down for (admittedly, he understood now) Virgil’s single line.
“You worked so hard on this, remember?” Patton said, voice heavy with nostalgia. His expression was fond. “It was so much fun to sing.”
“Oh, definitely. Everyone changing the lyrics was my favorite part.” Roman snapped, taking the script and throwing it across the room. There was no noise indicating that it had landed and he assumed Patton had returned it to the box.
Undeterred, he reached in again and this time, it took Roman a moment to realize what it was. A copy of the cast list from the final high school play Thomas had been in. He’d scored the lead role. Roman had been ecstatic; he’d ridden that high for weeks afterwards. Memorizing the lines had been effortless and it’d been so easy to play their part. All of the late nights after rehearsal, 2am at Denny’s, syrupy sweet memories full of laughter and friendship. He took the paper delicately from Patton. Thomas had even gotten it laminated, so that nothing bad could ever happen to it.
“That was a really nice day,” Patton said quietly. “And every day after that. Going over the lines with you felt like such a big deal. I thought I was so clumsy but you still picked me.”
“You were so supportive.” Roman muttered, trying not to trip over the past tense.
The sound of sloshing liquid suddenly had Roman looking to Patton, confused. There was a snow globe in his hand, which he held out on his palm so they could see the scene inside. It was of Elsa and Anna, the former creating the snow flurry that would bring Olaf back to life.
“I promise you that I still am,” Patton told him, in a tone so genuine that Roman wondered how he could ever doubt it to begin with. “You create such beautiful, wonderful, amazing things. I’m proud of them all.”
He tilted the box so that Roman could see better into it. It should have been filled to the brim, with the number of trinkets inside, but it looked well organized. He couldn’t even begin to guess how many scripts, stories, and pieces of artwork Patton had collected.
“Is this a Mary Poppins bag?” He asked teasingly.
“Yes,” Patton responded seriously.
Roman watched as he stuck his hand in and passed all the visible clutter. His arm disappeared up to the elbow as he stuck his tongue out in concentration. Roman found it utterly adorable. When Patton apparently found what he was looking for, he gave a victorious cheer and yanked hard. Somehow, nothing else was jostled; it all sat safely, nestled together with the utmost care.
In Patton’s palm now was a sunset pink orb. It shimmered regardless of light or motion and despite not holding it himself, Roman felt warm from its presence alone.
“What’s that?” He spoke quietly without realizing it, as if any loud noise would shatter the moment.
“I have one of these for every Occasion. They aren’t always this pretty.” Patton’s smile went a little sad before he continued. “It’s important to remember, regardless. Sometimes, it’s just a few minutes. Other times, it’s a whole day.”
#sanders sides fan fiction#royality#royality fan fiction#roman sanders#patton sanders#putting others first#dani writes
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Job Hunting Tips
Seems apropos to do a post on this during October.
I figured I’d post this to help people who are looking for a job, that wonderful, soul-crushing, horrible experience. Hey, if you enjoy it or it’s painless for you, I want your outlook on life and blessed karma. Congrats.
Let me just say that I can understand the urge to ghost companies if you get multiple offers and have already accepted a lesser one from one company when something better comes along. I mean, you’ve probably put up with hearing NOTHING after submitting an endless amount of applications, heard NOTHING after that first round with HR, heard NOTHING after the second or third round... basically companies ghost you all through the process (and then whinge like hell when potential employees do it to them). But if you are lucky enough to have multiple offers and accept one then get something better, do call them up or send an email to explain the situation since you never know if you might be looking for a job/new opportunity again in the future (or have a new HR person who switched jobs).
The post going around advising you to copy and paste the job description onto your application/resume/CV in tiny font and white color? Don’t do that. The companies have figured it out and your application will be rejected immediately.
Don’t just do LinkedIn, try to get your application out on or have job alerts on the other job sites as well (glassdoor, indeed, dice, monster, ziprecruiter, etc.) - some companies post all over, and some don’t, so you can miss some great jobs or find out about them too late. It’s up to you if you want to pay for a ‘premium’ feature - I’m not sure if LI’s is really worth it, other than to be able to send emails to people and to see the supposed ‘skills’ of the person who did get the job you applied for.
It may be easier, but don’t do the ‘easy apply’, go to the company’s site to upload your profile. That’s the recommendation made to me by HR people, and that way you’re tailoring your application for the job, not just sending a generic resume.
ALWAYS tailor your resume for the specific job. I know this takes time, but catch the repeated key words and skills they’re looking for, and make sure that’s in your resume (’risk management’, ‘good at communication’, ‘talent for documentation’, etc.). Maybe they say ‘manages issues’ instead of ‘risk mitigation’, which is what you have down, so you need to change that. Try to have what they want in your resume, and if you have it a couple of times, even better.
It helps to have a couple different versions of your resume, too. One if you’re going for more documentation type jobs, one for another type of skill set, another for that skill set... that way you’re not doing so many rewrites.
Why you’re doing this? Because companies use Application Tracking Systems (ATS) which are pretty terrible (there are many different versions out there, they’re old and companies aren’t in any hurry to update them because it’s not cheap to move onto something new, when they’ll probably just go w/ social media accounts at some point). An application is scanning your resume, and it ‘rates’ it based on key words - if you don’t get a certain percentage, say 85%, you won’t be considered for the job and even get that first HR interview even if you’re the perfect candidate.
There’s a site that can help you figure out if your resume will get past the ATS system - jobscan.co Be aware that you have to create an account and it only allows you like 5 free ‘scans’ a month, and then you have to pay for more, but it is still helpful at the free level and can give you an idea of what you need in your resume.
You can always pay someone to update your resume, cover letter (which I’ve been told a lot of companies don’t bother to read) and LinkedIn profile. If you do have the money to spare, you might want to consider this, or ask for some help (or do research online). Your LI profile can be more informal than your resume.
It’s been said before, but you don’t have to have all the requirements in a job posting. If you have a good bit of them, companies will settle for the rest - for training you on what’s needed. Don’t be afraid to apply! Also, it gets your resume on their system. Some companies will keep it and if they think you’re a fit for other jobs, send you the job posting to see if you want to apply.
It’s always easier if you know someone at the company who can act as a referral, can send you a link for you to apply which helps to get your resume past the ATS system or can mention your name to HR. It doesn’t have to be a good friend, but this is a way to get your resume to stand out. So reach out to any connections you or a friend or family member have to see if they can send you a referral link for a job.
ALWAYS ASK QUESTIONS during interviews. Never be quiet during an interview - have at least 5 questions lined up (what is the culture like, what do you love about working here, what are challenges for the job, what would you have me focus on if I get it, what are any concerns you have about my background/knowledge, things like that - you can find suggestions online). No questions, even if you’ve just sat through a monster interview session (and some companies like to do that, to have you in for half a day or several hours so you meet everyone rather than have you back a couple of times, and that’s HELL, to be honest) and you say everyone’s answered everything already, that you feel you’re just repeating things is not a good impression... ASK EVERYONE A FEW QUESTIONS. Don’t let someone think you’re uninterested, because they probably will not give a ‘yes’ vote for you.
Be prepared for questions! They’re going to do these behavioral questions, most likely (if you’re technical or programming, they may ask for you to solve something or do a quick presentation - glassdoor is good to find info on interview types) where they ask you to tell them about what you did this time (how did you handle a challenging colleague, or a project where someone didn’t like the timeline you proposed, things like that). If you look up ‘sample BAR interview questions’, you will get a feel for these questions and how you can answer them, and can work on preparing your answers beforehand (have lots of examples lined up).
ALWAYS send thank you letters (emails). Thank them for their time, try to reflect back on something during the interview (if you asked what they like about the company, mention how you were touched by their enthusiasm for the company or something like that, or if you asked them for their advice for you in the role, thank them for it) to show you paid attention to what they said and to make it personal. Always be very polite to the HR people scheduling the interviews.
Ask about timelines, and if you can follow up. Show your interest in the job, but don’t badger them. Usually HR will ask salary range - if you’re uncomfortable naming your ‘price’, ask them what their budget is for the job. But usually it’s best during an interview to not question the hiring manager about money and stuff. You can ask general questions about their benefits, but don’t make it seem like you just want to know what you’ll be making as if that’s all you’re interested in. Asking about training and development opportunities is good. Glassdoor and other sites usually give you a general idea about benefits.
Uhm... I think that’s it? Please feel free to add to this post any useful advice I left out.
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How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure (Chapter One)
AO3
Fandom: Homestuck
Summary: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days AU
Dave needs to win a bet; Karkat needs to write an article. Shenanigans ensue.
Tags: Humanstuck, alternate universe - no sburb session, POV switches galore, implied/referenced child abuse
Author’s note: This story is the result of a jam session I did with aceAdoxography on the davekat thirst federation discord server. This one's a little out of my usual wheelhouse, but I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. New chapters every Saturday/Sunday.
I also tried to be fancy with the html, but it didn't come out right (you will see what I mean). However, I'm leaving it as is for now.
Chapter 1: Inciting Incidents
Day 0:
“I'm smooth as peanut butter,” Dave protested, his coffee sloshing in its cup as he swung his arm out. “Choosy moms might choose Jiff, but I ain't in the market for an older woman at the moment. Just call me Skippy, because that's how smooth I am.”
Rose looked both unimpressed and unconvinced. “Really?” She took a small, dignified sip of her tea.
“Yes!” Dave frowned. “I'm like super suave. Fucking James Bond over here.”
She squinted at him for a moment. “You do realize that James Bond is characterized by his inability to keep any woman with him longer than the length of one of his movies.”
“That's only because he's too much man to be tied down,” Dave said. “And that's not even the point: the point is that the fucker's suave. He can have any girl he wants.”
“And I suppose you can get any boy you want?” It sounded dismissive. “It would be wonderful if you managed that feat before my wedding. You know how mother worries about you, and I would rather not spend the first day wedded to my wife listening to mother wailing about how her poor little Davey's going to be all alone in the world.”
Dave felt the flush creeping up his cheeks, and he wasn't sure if he was experiencing his future humiliation already or if he was getting mad. Just because he couldn't keep a relationship going for long, that didn't mean he wasn't smooth. It wasn't his fault that up until very recently he'd only pursued girls because he hadn't wanted to admit he was gay... Okay, yes, that actually was his fault. The point was of course those relationships had failed. His relationship prowess had never been given a fighting chance. “Yeah, I could. In fact, I could make any of the guys here fall for me.”
“Very well, brother of mine,” Rose said, smiling that particular smile which tended to portend bad things for the person it was directed at, “how about that one?” She pointed to a man sitting alone at a table on the other end of the cafe.
Dave looked over at him without making it obvious he was doing so. Damn, Rose. The guy was a snack, obviously, but his expression indicated that the whole world had pissed in his cornflakes one at a time and had made him miss the bus to his job at the blow job factory. Still, it was too late to back out now. “Fine,” he said, setting down his cup just a little too hard. “I'll see you in two weeks, Rose, and I'll have him on my arm in a matching tux. We're going to be the hottest, gayest penguins you've ever fucking seen.”
She laughed at him. Which was fine: he was going to have the last laugh here. And there was no time like the present. He stood and strode over to the other table, curving his mouth in his smoothest, suavest fucking smile.
The man had noticed Dave's approach and looked up from his coffee, the ire on his face now joined by confusion. “Can I help you?” His voice was rough but not unpleasant. His tone was less pleasant, but Dave had expected that from his expression.
“I sure hope so,” Dave said. He put one hand on his hip and held the other out to the man. “I've just lost my name: can I have yours?”
The man blinked. Then he laughed—less amused and more disbelieving. “Seriously? You're seriously going to open up with that? That has to be the cheesiest fucking pick up line I've heard in my life. And I've heard a lot of them.”
Dave only grinned. Breaking the ice was just one of Dave's many talents. “What can I say, dude, I'm a connoisseur of fine cheese. Premium, aged in wooden crocks or whatever.” He waggled his hand. “Don't leave me hanging.”
The man looked from Dave's hand to his face and back again before heaving a sigh. He shook Dave's hand, his grip solid but not crushing. “Karkat.” Then he frowned. “What do you want?”
“Thought that was obvious, Karkat,” Dave said, trying the name out. He liked it. “I want to ask you out. On a date. I'm Dave, by the way,” he added quickly. It probably would have been smarter to open up with that. It also occurred to Dave that there were a lot of other variables he hadn't considered until this moment. “If you're single. God, I hope you're single. And into guys. Otherwise, I'm going to feel pretty stupid.”
Karkat opened his mouth but didn't speak as something too quick for Dave to pick up flashed across his face. Then he grinned, perhaps a little too widely. “You're in luck,” he said. “I am in the market for a date.”
Oh. “Cool. Cool, that's—” Dave broke off with a fake cough into his fist. “Yeah, uh. So, are you free tomorrow? Night?”
A slow nod. “Yeah. Sure. Sounds great.” He dug through his bag and took out a small notepad. “Do you use Pesterchum?” he asked as he scribbled something down.
“I think everyone and their grandmother uses Pesterchum,” Dave said, still kind of surprised that this was going as well as it was. “Not my grandmother, I don't have one, but you know, grandmothers. Or the tech savvy ones anyway. I think your average grandmother might have some trouble—the text is kind of tiny, isn't it?”
Karkat looked up from his writing. “Right.” He ripped the page out and held it out to Dave. “Message me, and we can set up that date.”
Dave took the paper. “Thanks, I'll, uh, message you soon!” Without waiting for a response, he turned on his heel and made his way back to Rose. He knew his face was burning, but he decided to believe it was the flush of victory rather than anything else. She was still smiling at him, and he held the paper out in front of her face. “See? I've already got his chumhandle. You're going to eat your words, Rose. I hope you like the taste of humble pie.”
Rose laughed behind her hand. “Nice work, Dave,” she said once she'd recovered. “Try not to break his heart, won’t you?”
“What?” Dave shook his head. “His heart is going to be wrapped in three layers of bubble wrap and under ten pounds of packing peanuts.” He shoved the paper into his pocket. “I got this thing on lock.”
---
Karkat tore his eyes away from the retreating Dave to jot down some notes on his notepad. Looked like he'd be able to write this article sooner rather than later. Unless Dave had been dared to come over and get his phone number. That had happened before. He scowled into his coffee. Well, if Dave never got in touch with him, then he'd just use his last disaster of a relationship to base his article on. That was what he'd planned to do originally anyway.
It wasn't a secret around the office that Karkat Vantas, despite being a font of romance wisdom, was dead in the water when it came to dating and keeping a boyfriend. He attributed this mostly to his abhorrent personality and lack of self-control. Whenever the opportunity came up for him to stick his foot in his mouth, you could find him there, furiously chewing on his toes. He'd lost count of how many times a date had ended because he'd said something he shouldn't have. Or rather, screamed something he shouldn't have at the top of his lungs with more profanity than was warranted in retrospect.
So, of course, the boss knew about Karkat's lackluster love life, too. The assignment had been one of her little jokes. One of her little mind games. “Oh, Mr. Vantas, please write an article about how to fuck up a relationship in less than two weeks—it should be easy for you seeing as you're such an expert at being so noxious that no one but your handful of friends can even stand to be anywhere around you, never mind a stranger who doesn't know your history or has any reason to want to stick around and deal with your bullshit.” Paraphrased, of course. Her version had been much less honest.
He re-read his notes.
* Dave, no last name given. Terrible pick up line. Rambles. Idiot or awkward. Or both. Dresses like a color-blind douche bag. Obnoxious sunglasses. Vision impaired? Hot. Attractive. Moderately attractive.
His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he set down his notepad to fish it out. He frowned down at the screen. A notification from Pesterchum? His heart rose a little despite himself until he saw the name. Kanaya. He sighed. While he was happy she was happy, he couldn't handle being gushed at right now. He put the phone on the table and finished his coffee.
---
Dave dithered for hours before he finally decided on the perfect message to open communications with.
TG: this is dave from the cafe
TG: wanted to say hey
TG: and ask what you want to do Saturday
Okay, so it wasn't the best rap ever, but he was stretched for material here. Also, it probably wasn't a good idea to blow up this guy's phone before Dave got some confirmation that this was even Karkat's chumhandle. It wouldn't be the first time someone had given him a dud. At least the messages were going through: that was a good sign.
CG: ARE YOU RHYMING ON PURPOSE?
TG: hell yea dog
TG: mc strider here by popular demand to lay down the jams
TG: ive got all my adoring fans just waiting for me to shower them with stanz-
TG: -as like youve never seen its a dream come true straight to you
That was enough; he had to give Karkat some time to respond. Assuming this was Karkat.
TG: this is karkat right?
CG: OH I CAN TALK NOW?
CG: YES THIS IS KARKAT.
CG: AS CHARMING AS THIS IS (AND I AM SO UTTERLY CHARMED RIGHT NOW), DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH ME?
TG: totally i totally do i knew as soon as i saw you yea im taking this total snack on a date
Which was not a lie, technically. Yes, Dave liked how Karkat looked, but he probably wouldn't have gone over to his table without Rose egging him on.
TG: where do you want to go skys the limit
TG: but not really
TG: cause no offense but i just met you
TG: and i dont think were at the stage where id be willing to sell one my kidneys
TG: to make your dreams of jumping out of an airplane onto the back of a narwhal or some shit like that come true
TG: thats like after at least date number 5 and id expect some kind of thanks
TG: at least a tongue kiss or something
TG: not that i think you need to pay for dates physically
TG: thats all kinds of gross
TG: forget i said any of that please
CG: …
CG: HOW ABOUT DINNER AND A MOVIE. LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. CAN WE DO THAT?
Dave grinned with relief. He'd thought for sure he'd just blown this.
TG: sounds great nothing beats the classics
With that sorted out, the rest had been easy. Dave closed his phone, feeling accomplished. He was really doing this. He was really making this happen. But first, he had some clothes to throw in the shower!
---
Karkat slid his phone back into his pocket with a sigh. Well, now he had a date for tomorrow. He looked down at the new set of notes he'd written during that 'conversation'.
* Last name Strider? Raps without provocation. Definitely visually impaired. Goes off on wild tangents. I'm going to be murdered. What the hell am I doing?
It had been difficult not to react in his normal way to the frankly bizarre things Dave had said, and he knew that was only going to be more difficult to manage in person. Still, he had to 'hook' this man as best as he was able before he could fuck it up like always. After all, he couldn't 'lose' a guy he never 'had', right? He idly entertained the thought of what 'having' Dave might be like. He was clearly crazy, but there was something endearing in his total inability to communicate like a regular person. The way he'd been so obviously nervous and out of his depth when he'd come over to ask Karkat out. The way his cheeks had flushed when Karkat had accepted. The way his body had moved when he'd walked away.
Shaking his head, Karkat tucked the notepad into his bag. No point in even thinking about it. Even if he weren't getting into this just to ruin the relationship for his article, the end would have been the same anyway. Honestly, he was doing Dave a favor: at least this way, Dave would only be wasting ten days worth of his time rather than torturous months of dealing with Karkat's bullshit before finding an excuse to cut him loose.
#homestuck#fan fic#humanstuck#my fic#wip#the html looks fine on my end#don't know why it's messed up when it goes live#*shrugs*
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--Also on Wattpad--
Mouse Trap, pt. 3
“I can see you just fine.”
“Oh… Oh, my god,” Lauren breathed in her own panic and filth, slid down her wall with her back to it, toppled in a puddle of regurgitated food, sweat, fear, and tears.
If she was indeed in one of his spaces as it had appeared, then it was sensible that he could see her whenever he desired. Knowing how or, worse, why, however, was another story that she wasn’t sure that she wanted to read. As exciting as the technology seemed, was she as safe as this overbearing onlooker tried to claim?
With every new action and word, Lauren’s confidence waned.
The enhanced zoom on the screen was then stretched further out, revealing the entire plaza that held Lauren and later, eventually, the whole block in which it was contained. Everything not within a certain radius from the center was smudged into a blur, almost as if he rubbed it all out for himself, giving all that was untouched a tilt-shift feel. Her form, now more antlike than ever, was illuminated in a bolder, verdant glow to differentiate her from everything else, which proved immediately useful.
Mesa Metro was, in her eyes, the miniature megapolis she had only envisioned it was to him up and over yonder.
The snapshot then became a living map of sorts, changing to a silent video with a snail trail in Lauren’s same green hue following her as she exited the area, taking some insectile public transit as far as she could go before walking the rest of the way. The rest of the days between then and now was spent with her glow spiraling in the same place as where she currently was: home, never leaving, never having expected a response.
With as much surveillance as she had for her things and how dystopian Mesa Metro could be at times, she never felt more out in the open than she did now. Luckily for her, there seemed to be no footage of her inside the house. Still, how much had he already learned of her domicile with her glasses and watch just sitting there?
Did his omnipresence include space within walls, too, or various altitudes of places, or other angles than the locked bird’s-eye – more like a midday sun’s eye – view? What were the chances he already figured out her house’s floor plan and her place in it?
“I haven’t gotten to probe your existence from end to end to know for sure, yet,” a new message started, somehow still legible from her further distance away, “but much is already clear.”
“Y-Yet?” Lauren echoed, audibly coughing from her own confusion. Whether he meant that he hadn’t finished or hadn’t started, she could only wonder... and hope he’d reconsider both options.
But she didn’t have to, for long.
“One could say I’m already halfway deep in prodding, managing this conversation and all,” the transcriptions continued. “So, why stop now?”
Lauren’s heart sank, her wishes vanishing like his words every few seconds. ‘Halfway?’ In only some minutes!? She was officially stuck in quicksand with not enough calmness to get herself out. The remaining semblances of peace she could imagine were all in the after, nothing in the now. With that crater from a pen’s cap still fresh in memory, multiple visions of ends of days once again flashed in her head, ranging from elongated and cataclysmic to subtle and swift, all of his doing, surely, and it was all her fault.
“Well… with you not having manipulated your new ‘update’ for some time, now, perhaps you’ve seen enough of it.” Truer words had never been spoken. Lauren had seen enough of a lot. “Though with that research I appear to have interrupted, I would’ve guessed otherwise, believing you’d want as much as you could get.” That statement did nothing to relieve Lauren, either, proving he could go and had gone further into her data – her existence, even – on top of reading her psyche unfortunately well.
How deep would he go? How far could he go?
The dictating carried on. “You’ve fawned over me with your tiny files up to moments ago, and you’ll continue to do so. But in this now, despite all that…”
The ellipsis lingered, and Lauren waited for a judgment to be dealt unto her. Whatever she was to get, she deserved. She couldn’t say the same for Mesa Metro and all past it if it came to it, despite their flaws; she prayed she’d be forgiven when it was all over. That end wouldn’t be today, it seemed, as the foul stench of a new purpose – extreme subjugation or maybe just her upchuck – began to waft over her.
“…I grow tired of this single-handing for what should be a two-way affair, so I shall leave you to satiate.”
Before she could say or think anything else about this whole encounter, the disembodied domineered, shutting down his presentation, sucking every visual and word into a simulation centered on the screen. For uncomfortably long, it left a frozen void in which Lauren could only stare at her drained, draining self as she pushed off the wall and crept toward it.
Just as it started, it was nothing again.
Time went as slowly as her computer was dark, and she hated having to think for herself again. There were too many new variables now, and none of them made any sense.
“What… the fuck… was that?” Lauren interrogated herself, running a hand through her stringy hair, slumping in her chair. “Was… Was that shit real? Any of it?” With the pains in her body and the wetness on her clothes, there surely was no denying something bizarre went down just now. But saying that this was the first time she had ever gone delirious and malnourished in her own home would be a lie.
It was late. Lauren hadn’t gotten proper meals, exercise, sleep, or sunlight for days. The lack of lights on her computer showed that it wasn’t merely on standby or sleep mode but was entirely shut down, probably from inactivity. Her glasses and watch mirrored that, fading to a dim lime on the now dormant network connection. Her phone had died. Her room was a mess. She was a mess.
Her present was a repeated past and a probable future. Nightmares as daydreams were a constant for her. While there was no way of denying the astral projection and municipal annihilation from days ago with her data and the outside news, she couldn’t think of any sane reason why a higher being like that – he – should waste effort on someone – something? – like her. Directly her.
She didn’t deserve the attention. She never did before, so why now?
Lauren could feel the essence of sleep attempt to overtake her, pulling her toward another haggard hibernation at her desk, despite her bed being within reach. On instinct, she began to pull her hoodie’s hood over her head and retract her arms out her sleeves to make a makeshift cushion that’d hopefully bolster her and any nearby gear and tools on her eventual fall out of consciousness.
A crick in her neck was eminent in a couple of hours as her figure faltered down… but the Fates decided to bring it in early with some sun.
Just as her eyes were to close, the computer suddenly awakened, shining its near-blinding light across Lauren’s scleras. She jerked back into action, seeing her lock screen come into focus.
“S-See?” she argued through a yawn. “It was just an update, after all. No need to worry.”
With no intention of continuing research further into the morning, Lauren decided to just play it safe, checking that the update didn’t set any progress back. If it had, she’d have to make a journey into one of her several external drives or servers and make a new surface-level copy. Going from program to program – note-takers, stimulators, other data aggregators – all appeared to be well, softening Lauren’s heart for a quick retiring to bed.
Her last stop was her blueprinting software, where she had a deconstructed view of the materials and layers used to construct her space-warping lenses and its logging watch supplement. So much technology stuffed within such a narrow space. Companies tried to do less with less success, yet here Lauren was, literally going out of the box, out of this world.
It was a marvel to see in action, and it was even more marvelous that it worked. Lauren knew she had prowess – she wouldn’t be freelancing, otherwise – but she was also her harshest critic. The collections of her own comments on her own works badgering how and why she did things in a particular way (and how they somehow managed to work) probably weren’t right for her mental state, but they pushed her to work harder with each new design.
The text and links in her margins and other documents linked externally were worthy of their own analyses and bibliographies. They all followed a just-as-intricate organizational system, too, categorizing thoughts by time, purpose, solution, and the like, along with graphic dividers like color, font, and size. With how frequently Lauren looked at her green sheen and its related script during testing and active use, she vehemently didn’t use them to jab at her own processes.
So, despite her tiredness, it was clear to see the lone flag of that scheme, amidst the waterfall of colorful banners and bubbles, slightly bolder and more massive than the rest.
“What?” Lauren questioned, scratching her scalp with uncertainty. Doing so showed her that she required a shampoo session, finding filth collecting under her nails, but that was an issue for another time. “Did… Did I make this?”
Hovering the mouse cursor over that flag, she found its author listed as not her name or alias but instead “<null>,” leading to several possibilities, all discomforting. A) it was her own comment, and self-referencing was apparently terrible, now, B) an invalid character was put in the wrong place, which could have its own map of reasons, or C) an unauthorized entity had gotten access to the system. Nothing in the background showed any signs of a virus, and nothing in the foreground gave any clue as to which cause was the true one. So, with bated breath, Lauren clicked twice and dove in.
The window hung for a period, a loading circle replacing the pointer and her anxieties with doubts of security again. She knew that doing anything when not at 100 percent or at least sixty percent had such a high probability of something going wrong or something important going missed. But she couldn’t back out now, not with her computer likely to lock up. Luckily, all stayed free and open, and that flag dimmed from being accessed. Though, from the looks of it, there was no reason why its reference should’ve frozen her system as it did.
It was a PDF with just a handful of pages, and two of them were blank.
The bookends were empty, and the inner layers didn’t have much to them, either. In fact, one of the pages was an exact copy of a print that Lauren had already made. Her materials list as diagrams was reposted as the second page. The page after that was similar, except that about half of the items were deleted. But the last page was a puzzle: an almost literal puzzle.
The second page was copied again; however, the missing items that Lauren knew were replaced with a new set in a similar style. They were all recognizable in some way, reasonably findable from a store or online, but a combination that she had never considered. Both as a group by itself and in totality with everything else, the question was how they all fit together.
Its creator, quickly made visible to not be herself, clearly knew what they were doing with the additional subtitle in the footer of the page: ‘to satiate.’ At the realization, a chill ran down Lauren’s spine.
It hadn’t been a dream.
There were no instructions, just visuals, and as the genius she was, Lauren knew what they all were meant to be, stating their purpose with a wheeze,
“An earpiece.” An optimized headset with a mic and speaker from which she felt a disgusting aura of déjà vu.
This was his earpiece: the one that put her in this debacle in the first place.
If her intuitions were right, then the construction wouldn’t be complicated. Maybe time-consuming, sure, based on the glasses and watch being the bases for it, but not hard. They would make things harder if she went through with making them, though. But did she really have a choice?
She was just a circuit in his machine, instructed to make new circuits for new machines for her circuitry in his machine to interact with the said machine and its circuits. It was laid out in front of her, like her monitor’s light across her face, including what would probably be an everlasting truth:
Her death would be heard.
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Do u have any recs on like screencaps softwares 👉👈 I want to start editing but I have 0 idea how to start and ur gifs are sO GOOD.
[LONG POST AHEAD]
hi, sweetie!
i know that you asked only for recommendations but i’ll give some detailed tips anyway because i ended up rambling. i’ll first provide existing resources before providing my own advice. i’m much more confident on providing tips for stationary graphics but i hope this will helps somehow! if you only want answers to your original question, read existing GIF tutorials or the program.
this is assuming that you know some basics photoshop usage!
For the best quality, always, always find the highest quality source! You can put as many colors and filters to hide the flaws but the human eye can catch a lot of stuff (there is always exceptions, of course ;p).
existing GIF tutorials:
(a) anue’s tutorials. their tutorials are a GODSEND. they put so much care into their tutorials and it’s a great place to start if you’re interested in gif-ing.
(b) zackfaire’s gaming gif tutorial. senka created a very simple, easy to follow tutorial! this is another great start as well!
the program:
i no longer use screencaps to make my gifs so i’ve forgotten a lot of stuff. zackfaire’s tutorial goes a bit into details about this but when i did use screencaps, i used KMPlayers. it’s a quite common program. imo this method is much more strenuous so i wouldn’t recommend it but it is an option.
my methods:
for gifs, i now download the videos or use my own footage and directly import it into photoshop. it’s much more efficient! as for non-gif graphics, i try my darndest to find pictures with the highest quality, which are often from official sources like playstation blogs or game studio’s websites. i’m lazy af so sometimes, i just straight up pause the video, make sure the quality is at its highest and screenshot it LMAO. but in case you do have to work with lower-quality photos/videos, you can always try to hide it.
case in point: my first panel of the miles morales gfx. you can see that there’s a HEAVY noise filter and this sand dust-like texture on top of it. that scene from the trailer is mostly dark lighting so if i tried turning up the brightness, you would’ve seen these terrible blotches.
i was unfamiliar with coloring dark lighting scenes but using this scene was vital to my piece so i went ahead and try my best to mask it with filters and textures. it’s not ideal, of course, but it works. the idea is, it’s OK to work with poorer quality sources, but you may have to take extra steps to make them pretty.
quick general editing tips:
- experiment and practice. then do it again! use colors, different fonts, textures, go wild (or don’t). there’s no way around this, it’s the only way you will improve.
- go study from your favorite content creators! all artworks were inspired by something. it’s worth mentioning that you should know the difference between plagiarizing and inspiration (and the line can be extremely blurred)
behanced is a great website for seeing various projects created in different adobe programs
- imposter syndrome sucks and you may end up hating your art, but remind yourself that someone out there will enjoy it and you will succeed.
- art is something one can never master. it’s a craft that’s constantly changing.
- have fun!
good luck, anon! i hope that i'll see your work here! :)
#replies#m!resources#creatorlounge#local woman rambles abt photoshop bc that's the only thing she's adequate at#anon
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