I just realized here in the early morning hours that in a straight couple, you are indubitably getting some kind of power struggle where both the man and the woman assume, maybe even subconsciously, that they’re respectively going to be the winners. You could say This is probably why 99% of non-marriage relationships end and 50% of all marriages end in straight folk. It isn’t that most couples HaTe EaCh OtHeR, it is that they have some competition going on in their minds that there exists no rules to.

even Atlas has only two hands

vent art

the fact that i become extremely low-energy in the afternoons and can barely keep my focus up on work surely doesn't have to do with the fact that I've been getting like 5 hours of sleep every night. nope no way, couldn't be that

Happy Monday

I’m 🙂 grateful 🙂 all 🙂 the 🙂 fucking 🙂 time 🙂

Another Cayde AU I cooked in the Content Box with @luna-light-eclipse

Hive Zombie Cayde AU

Basically Cayde gets hit with a Hive curse that doesn’t seem to do anything. He goes on with his life, flash coward a couple years. Cayde is dead, they’re having the funeral.

And then he gets up. And people start freaking the fuck out for a bit. Cayde himself included.

Physically he looks like a damn mess. While he’s tried to get some repairs in, his face still looks all scuffed to hell, he still has the wound that killed him, his limbs keep falling off on occasions, especially when they’re in disrepair, and sometimes his eyes will go out. The only ‘upside’ is that he effcitevly can’t die, so he can be in pieces and still be put back together.

Mentally, he’s also a damn mess. Thanks to some slight brain damage and deterioration from being dead, he has trouble remembering things or getting his thoughts together-not as bad as what Banshee has to go through (though Cayde definitely appreciates the advice on how to deal with memory issues) it’s likely bad enough that he gets taken off strike duty, at least until he gets better. Not to mention Cayde’s usual self loathing is gonna be worse-feeling like a freak, feeling useless, thinking his friends think of him as an abomination that needs to be put out of its misery. All that fun stuff.

As for Eris. Well she ends up putting some spells on him in case Cayde suddenly goes evil or gets taken over by the Hive. Him and Eris actually get along somewhat better, owing to them both getting screwed by the Hive.

In combat, Cayde is just…absolutely feral. Grows claws and literally tears through enemies like tissue paper. Has chomped down on enough bad guys that he has bits of guts stuck in his mouth. He tends to black out for a lack of a better term, coming to having just wiped out a whole group of enemies. It’s not uncommon for Cayde to return from a mission covered in gore. Eventually the Vanguard bans him combat baring emergencies, since he keeps traumatizing the Guardians he’s sent along with

And finally there’s ‘Osiris’. Hoh boy. His memory tends to blank out more around him, and people keep saying he’s been talking to him when he doesn’t remember. Meanwhile, Savathun is taking great pleasure in extracting every iota of information she can from Cayde-who, by virtue of being Hunter Vanguard, knows a lot.

(screenshotting the replies and posting because i feel weird replying from my main <\3 hope you don't mind the ping @startledpixel )

i never even thought about it happening that way... haha... excuse me while i go scream in a corner for a couple of minutes

it ties in really well to the sort of recurring motif i see through his life that the only time he's allowed to be truly happy with himself and his place in the world is after his "death" and recovery. kazama is a very complicated character to think about when it comes to his motivations and his relationships with the people he's close with - i don't think he's very good at prioritising his emotional investments (nishiki being the obvious example, but also the way he doesn't send any letters to kiryu in jail until the last day before his parole), so to add an extra layer of tragedy to the whole thing i like to think that he hadn't been making as much time for kashiwagi towards the end than he maybe could have been. not in a premeditated disloyalty sense, of course, but he's got his hands more than full with the whole embezzling 10 billion yen from the tojo coffers gambit... kashiwagi being the way he is though would be all the more desperate for reconciliation, and to then not get it before kazama kicks it would be the icing on the shit cake

but yeah KNOWING adachi was in the building with everyone else must have been like reliving his second-worst nightmare... meeting this man he thought he'd be able to settle down with for the first time in sixty odd years but still constantly having to worry after him. i still adore no idling as an exploration of those feelings after the fact & i find myself coming back to it an awful lot as someone who doesn't generally read fiction more than once or twice unless i'm trying to find something specific (if you may allow me my nerd moment)

it's something i would love to explore more myself, but i don't really feel i have the means to do it in a way in which i'd enjoy the end product... but i suppose that's what commissions are for!

ANYWAY, apparently, everyone kiryu meets in his side story gives him some kind of reward, and i'm having A Time thinking about what he might get from kashiwagi. i'm trying not to set myself up to be disappointed by what happens, but there's a big part of me that hopes kashiwagi pulls "suzuki" to the side and leaves whoever else on the bar for a while so they get a chance to actually catch up. i think at this point both of them really need something like that, because i doubt there's any way kashiwagi didn't get the news that kiryu "died" in 2016

the other big thing that's got me physically shaking is the idea they might finally namedrop him. and uuhhh if they still let us karaoke at survive then i hope judgement gets its own cinematic. : )

no thoughts head empty just funny lil british men from video game

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

BTW, if you've ever said anything nice to me or left a comment on my art in any manner — whether in tags or in an ask — that I remember, and it's one of few things keeping me somewhat sane and not a dumpster fire of emotions right now. Genuinely, thank you — I don't know how to express how much it means to me.

judd winick is going to hell for not making this their actual dynamic once jason came back. ur gonna tell me that this was written by winick BEFORE jason actually came back to life and he just?? didnt use it?????

i swear to god i do more work in three hours in this job than i did in ten months at the other job lolllll. but i can’t even be too resentful towards old job because 1) i’m out of it and never have to think of it again YIPPEE and 2) the timing of that job (specifically my lead escalating shit to Unbearable Misery Levels) enabled me to be in exactly the right place & right time to apply for this job.

caught between feeling too nauseous to eat and weighing up whether i really want to risk going hungry and unlocking Nausea² in the middle of a 3 hour intensive examination

Did I ever complain abt that publicly idk anyways I need to get to the big city (2h to and 2h back, not much for the states but sure for me) and next to not wanting to bc cold, they gonna stab bc blood test and my body hates making that easy to locate (dif place but I will never forget the time I got stabbed like three times and still no blood so new appointment had to be made, I have a fear of needles otherwise it would be whatev), and even more risky bc gatherings were recently do I prob hate the most that like. I'm hungry.

I'm hungry and I suck at eating enough so I often go out w not much in my stomach. I survive but it sucks really bad that I can't either buy smth once I arrive to eat on the way back or pack smth to like eat on the journey bc no-one wears a mask and the virus stays rampant so I can't take my mask off until I'm back home. At the inbetween stop I maybe could but I rather won't risk anything. Esp in winter I could bring smth warm to drink w me at least but I rather don't in the crowd I gotta walk through. Least people are when I'm only a few mins away from home and at that point I can always just wait a bit longer.

Tbh I dread going outside and limit it to only shopping and appointments bc even if I could walk here prob somewhere without many people do I rather just stay indoors and try to limit irl reminders of how many people can't be bothered to care bc that just nosedives my mental health. It doesn't help that I still try to nudge my irl friends to care more.

me: *specifically checks the box on amazon to have my packages delivered NOT on Sunday because no one should be out delivering amazon packages on a Sunday OR New Year's Eve and tomorrow happens to be both*

amazon: okay but...

me: don't

amazon: what if we just...

me: don't you dare-

amazon: deliver it on Sunday anyway because we're morons losers a monopoly the absolute Worst Like That?

me: *screams*

Finished reading A Space Odyssey :thumbsup: I understand everything now <<< Lying (I understand what the fuck A Space Odyssey is about a little more now and feel more sufficiently prepared to watch 2010: The Year We Make Contact)

wait, hold up, is the plot of yakuza 6 "kiryu kazuma abducts a baby from a hospital and goes into hiding so child protective services can't find him"?

also wait if kiryu has no legal relationship to haruka, how has he been running the orphanage? does japan not do adoptions? what are the logistics of their relationships??

i tell you what, though, i 100% believe kiryu when he says orphanages are terrible — dude went to jail for three years and apparently 0 adults stepped in to help his orphans at all during that time.