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girlactionfigure · 1 month

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THE HOLOCAUST WAS IN COLOUR

I woke up today in Jerusalem to the sound of a siren marking Yom HaShoah - Holocaust Memorial Day. The fucking Holocaust. This thing that's there. This thing that every Jewish kid has to learn about far too young. There’s no good age to learn about it. It takes away an innocence whatever age you learn.

It's a lesson of: actually - the worst shit can happen.

Actually - the worst shit did happen.

Actually the worst shit could happen again.

There is no objective proof of God - but Auschwitz did happen. It’s difficult to remain idealistic about human beings after that. If tales of individual acts of heroism that emerged from the Holocaust are supposed to give us solace and an after-taste of hope, the bigger question is what is it that makes these tales such anomalies?? What is it that prevented every person from being a hero? And why did it happen in the first place?

Visiting Auschwitz ruined part of me. It really did. Even before visiting, all that bullshit ruined part of me. I remember seeing images on TV as a kid and that ain't healthy. To see ghouls hanging on barbed wire. Piles of skeleton and flesh. I don't see how it can't ruin anyone if that's you and your kind they were gunning for. The idea that people murdered you because you were born you. The idea that your fellow countrymen turned round and said: actually you're not one of us. Or turned a blind eye, buttoned up their lips, gazed down in silence and left you to deal with it on your own. It's not like this puts joy in your heart. It puts something in your heart that I can't explain. It puts in your heart the sensation that some people don't want your heart to beat. And that's a confusing feeling for any heart: a nexus of emotions. A paralytic, existential moment. The loneliest heart, scarred by barbed wire and frost.

The fact that I can only trace my family tree back a few generations has always gnawed at me. I can only go back so far and then there's nothing. Just a black hole. Part of my connection with planet earth has been blotted out for good. I've been disinherited of my roots - from knowing the specifics of who I am and where I come from.

A few years back I visited Auschwitz - this massive shithole in Poland. And it's not like this death factory could have been a secret. There's no way. People knew. It's huge. It just goes on and on. And there's something weird about it. And you can't quite figure it out. And then you realise - it's all in colour. It's not in black and white. The images we're used to seeing of Auschwitz are black and white. And as horrific as those images are they provide a safe, historical distance. It appears a bygone world far removed from us. But it's here in colour and it's the same world we inhabit. The same air, the same trees, the same rain falling. And the human beings would have been in colour too, with red blood cells and capillaries and hearts beating like ours. They weren’t creatures from yester-year, they were modern human beings with the same body parts and feelings. And they were murdered by modern human beings who also had the same body parts and who probably loved their children and kissed their partners goodnight.

There's more I could write. I could write about mountains of shoes. I could write about piles of hair. I could write about buttons and cutlery and possessions that emerge from the mud in the rain. I remember having a stupid back and forth in my mind over some buttons I found which I put back into the mud. I had this stupid thought that maybe I should have "liberated" the buttons rather than leave them in that shithole - but then thinking that would be stealing? But would it be stealing if they'd been stolen by scum and were now being "taken back" in a spirit of love and solidarity by someone on their side? “Liberating buttons.” Stupid stuff. Ridiculous thoughts that you can somehow do something correct to rectify what happened here and bring some kind of harmony. In the end I left them. The buttons were stolen and they don't belong to Auschwitz - but they belong to the memory of what happened there - so they can at least continue to speak from the mud to anyone who sees them.

If I'm honest, part of me wishes I hadn't visited the place. I came away angry and it killed any absolute faith I have in human beings. As I say, individual tales of heroism and defiance aren’t enough to justify true optimism. They're a plaster to cover up the deeper sickness of who and what we are as a species. There's something worrying about human beings and our capacity for cruelty. A species whose children pick the wings off flies, combined with a propensity to herd mentality, is dangerous. It should trouble all of us. I don't know how we overcome it, keep it restrained, or collectively channel it toward a universally agreed direction that’s aimed at goodness.

If I have one reflection on whatever nonsense it is I'm writing it's this: I think there's a violence in human beings. There is violence in the human soul. There is violence and there is cruelty. But more than that there is fear. Despite our songs and poems, I'm not sure love is the most powerful force on earth. There’s a strong argument to suggest fear is the primary driving force behind the actions of the animal we call a human being. It's fear of freezing to death that causes us to build shelters. It's fear of going hungry that causes us to stock food. It's fear of being ostracised that causes us to ostracise others. It's fear of ridicule that breeds conformity. It's fear that causes people to keep their heads down. And when the moment of danger comes? When the tyrants enter? When the bullies arrive? It's fear that causes people to not speak up. To turn a blind eye. To let someone else take the bullet. People can bombastically jump on the bandwagon and say "never again" but it’s tough to find your voice when face to face with a bully. People can say never again but it’s tough to square up if someone has raised their fist and shown they will use it. It’s tough to be brave when the moment comes and there's so many thoughts going through your mind and your brain and adrenalin decides it's best to shut down and stay quiet for the sake of self-preservation. It’s tough to do good things in this world because the bad things are loud and scary and intimidating. It’s tough for people to rise above fear. There’s a reason why heroes are called lone heroes. They’re uncommon.

That's why it's good to be writing this from Israel where Jews are once again in their ancestral home, the place they forged an indigenous civilisation many thousands of years ago before the Babylonians and Romans forced them into exile. A place where they can ensure that "Never Again" is not left in the hands of a species that pulls the wings off flies. Google the Evian Conference - visit Auschwitz yourself - survival is not a game to be left in the hands of others or based on the strength of promises. Because there's always a chance that when the chips are against you and you call out to friends or others for help, you could be left hanging around wondering when they'll arrive?

And the answer might be:

Never. Again.

So. Anyway. It's 5pm. I need a piss. Then I'll probably eat some bread. A siren went off this morning. Just one final thought before I have a wee. I say that any absolute faith I have in human beings is lost. And that's true. Yet every day I experience such joy at existing. I love walking about, talking to people and connecting with souls cut from the same cloth. I like nature and I like looking at things and if I didn't love science so much I'd probably be a new age nut hugging trees and trying to kiss ants. Being alive is the most beautiful thing I've experienced to date.

And as embarrassed as I am to say it would you look at me trying to finish on a positive note?

Maybe there is something stronger than fear?

The persistant impulse to seek blessings in a world full of curses. The sheer chutzpah of life. The defiance. Not to vanquish the darkness, but to live in spite of the darkness. I can handle a world where Auschwitz took place if I also get to live in a world where there are people I love. I can handle a world where there’s horror if I also get to laugh now and then. And the fact that love, laughter and happiness can blossom in a world where the worst can happen - and has - must count for something. Deep down the impulse to go in search of life’s blessings is within all of us. It’s part of who we are. It’s why we get up each morning. We have to have faith that all will be well even when logic, history and common sense says otherwise. Actually it’s not even a question of faith. We have no choice. I think hope is hardwired into all of us. Deeper than fear. We are a creature that hopes. And sometimes, with the right wind behind us, at the right tide, we make those hopes come true. Sometimes, if you will it, it is no dream.

Lee Kern

This was written in Jerusalem in 2015 on Yom HaShoah - Holocaust Memorial Day

#yom hashoah #Auschwitz #Lee Kern

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homunculus-argument · 1 year

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I was talking with my therapist about being social and fitting in, and I've come to realise that the only thing I actually miss about my family are the big formal parties. Yeah, the ones that everyone hates having to endure or are relieved that you don't have to deal with. I'm the one fucking lunatic that actually enjoys that shit.

I like those events where everyone makes a fuss to make it fancy and important, that you have to dress up, put on a suit and get a good haircut for. The kind of parties where you offer guests a choice between pommac and sparkling wine - served in rented flute glasses - as soon as they step inside, and even the butter for the bread at the buffet table is sculpted into roses by the gay art cousin.

Parties where people make toasts and rehearsed speeches and everyone only talks about how great things are going for them. You sweep your own problems under the rug and you know they're doing that, too, but for this once everyone's politely pretending that they're thriving and only talk about cheery things.

I fully understand why most people hate that shit, having to get dressed in something formal and uncomfortable and trying to perform some bullshit polite conversation, but the reason I enjoy it is because it's one of the few things I'm actually any good at. Like yeah I can't do my taxes right or do grocery shopping by a meal plan but this is absolutely one of the exactly three (3) things I know how to do.

Like fuck yeah I learned how to do a new tie knot for this event, watch me steer the conversation towards topics that everyone can enjoy in such a subtle hand that you don't notice I'm pulling strings. Yeah I've read that book you're referencing and I can not only quote it back to you but also consicely explain the reference and its relevance to the subject at hand to the people present who haven't. You can't even tell that I'm shit at normal life, I could have crawled here straight from a drunk tank or psych ward and changed into formal clothes in a truck stop bathroom on my way here and you wouldn't even know. I know this because I've literally done one of those.

People hate these events because they’re daunting and pointless, but I’ll grab every chance to attend with the delighted glee of a border collie dashing through an agility course, because it’s the one thing I know how to do.

Now if I could only figure out where to find opportunities to do that without having to deal with the family who taught me how.

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cleolinda · 4 months

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Weekend links

My posts

I have been amorphously unwell (migraines, dizziness, aches) this week, which is super great. I am, in fact, daunted by the complexities and unknowns.

See "Personal tag of the week" at the bottom for updates on the Tumblr happenings.

Reblogs of interest

Thousands of Israelis protest in Tel Aviv, demanding a hostage release/ceasefire deal and new elections.

I never know how to segue from a serious news item.

Theseus liveblogs the labyrinth, and it’s heartbreaking.

Before hbomberguy was going after plagiarism, he was playing Donkey Kong for trans rights.

“to touch is to interact, and when you put your hand on your dog the universe does not know that you are separate”

The universe knows you are separate from this cat’s Absolute Terror Field

Cats named Pigeon

The most dramatic cat

Figure out what starts your engine and ride the waves of your brain

This is not van fundamentalism

Lawful good werebears

The Godmother is not committed to the kindness

Escape room employees reveal the worst, or best, things they’ve seen on the job.

“So I explained to him the story of ‘Alice’s Restaurant,’ and he began to get MAD”

It seems that y’all do not understand that the Better Call Saul ads are just how we live in the US, and that I pass five Alexander Shunnarah billboards just to get a quesadilla.

1) Don’t take your native animals for granted. 2) This jay is the bluebird of happiness, apparently.

Wisdom from a Tumblr longtimer

Benign chain posts: the Money Garf

Video

Every now and then I fall apaaaaaart

Click through for a massive gothic rock playlist on YouTube

It’s a great dance contest entry--but then they tell you it’s also randomly-paired improv

Capybara capybara (capybara)

The sacred texts

You have not seen a sacred internet text until you have seen the Lolrus (2006)

Personal tag of the week

“the happenings” is my tag for all internet platform bullshit. This week, it’s Tumblr, as CEO Matt Mullenweg lost his shit and started harassing a trans user (including on another platform). This is a factual explanation early in the week of what happened and how it started:

predstrogen (the first blog) was allegedly deleted for “sexually explicit material” despite any posts that may have been labelled as such being marked with a community label and her blog recently being manually approved as NOT containing adult content. she also talks in this post, as well as here, about how she has had a support ticket open for several months for harassment she was receiving that has not been dealt with

the CEO of tumblr made a post wherin he publicly aired information regarding her deletion and threatened legal action against her , showing examples of the alleged death threats where no actual threats were made and telling people in the replies to just leave if they were unhappy with the moderation of the site

Specifically, he was upset by the expressed wish that he perish in a car covered in hammers that would explode multiple times, a serious threat that could surely come to fruition in reality. If you can't tell that I'm being sarcastic, congratulations, you're CEO material.

It spiraled from there, but suffice it to say, it ended with trans employees posting on the Staff account (reblog here with commentaries):

The reality of predstrogen’s suspension was not accurately conveyed, and made it seem like we were reaching for opportunities to ban trans feminine people on the platform. This is not the case. The example comment shared in the post linked above does not meet our definition of a realistic threat of violence, and was not the deciding factor in the account suspension. Matt thereafter failed to recognize the harm to the community as a result of this suspension. Matt does not speak on behalf of the LGBTQ+ people who help run Tumblr or Automattic, and we were not consulted in the construction of a response to these events.

While the post is sincerely emotional and brave, the real chess move is this part:

We appreciate the space we have been given to express our concerns and dissent, and we are thankful that Matt’s (and Automattic’s) strong commitment to freedom of expression has facilitated it. We will continue to fight to make Tumblr safe for us all.

Matt Mullenweg now either has to nod and go, “Yeah, yeah... I’m a great guy committed to freedom...” Or he can, I don’t know, shut the site down in a fit of defiant pique? All I’m going to say about this is that the day all this first went down, I started archiving any posts I’d put significant effort into last year, and I’ll be crossposting them on Dreamwidth and Patreon. I don’t want to lose Tumblr’s culture and unique platform--I mean, I think the Weekend Links themselves make a case for the fact that there is nothing else like Tumblr on the internet. And shutting down is not even necessarily the most likely outcome--but I’m not gonna be caught unprepared, either.

#weekend links #odds and ends #linkspam #the happenings #tumblr

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star-anise · 2 years

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i see you have discovered history professor bret deveraux, my beloved. i highly recommend his battle of helm's deep and pelennor fields series if you want to learn about historical battlefield tactics (and operations and strategies) and his fremen mirage series if you want to learn about the facist view of history and why it's complete and utter bullshit. his series on sparta is also phenomenal

I'm having such a good time working through his back catalogue. AGreatDivorce on Youtube has recorded audio versions of many of his posts, which is a godsend for me.

The Fremen Mirage series was a balm to my soul after having to deal with SO many "military history buffs" and SFF reply guys who think that violence is the pinnacle of human achievement, and therefore acknowledging the personhood of anyone but the apex warriors is like, taking resources away from the war effort or something.

For the uninitiated, the "Fremen Mirage" is what Devereaux calls a "pop theory of history" that believes:

that a lack of wealth and sophistication leads to moral purity, which in turn leads to military prowess, which consequently produces a cycle of history wherein rich and decadent societies are forever being overthrown by poor, but hardy ‘Fremen’ who then become rich and decadent in their turn. Or, as the meme, originally coined by G. Michael Hopf puts it, “Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And weak men create hard times.”

And then in his series he applies rigorous historical analysis to this idea, and takes it apart like Christmas wrapping. It's almost as fun as the Sparta series, where he demonstrates that Spartans would hate their modern fanboys, and also aren't actually as special or amazing as they're made out to be.

After a while, though, I got tired of the military side of things, and gone wandering. What I've found most refreshing this week were posts that take a step back from direct pop culture criticism and just simply lay out the material realities of life in the past. The really basic building blocks that help us get in tune with the daily life of the past. Stuff like the Lonely City series.

Or the clothing series! I said that I've been trying to figure out just how rare or common looms were, and while I've been looking at archeological evidence of loom types, he's just found the numbers that let me calculate it.

I'm using a base unit of 5 yards of cloth, which is, with a generous hand wiggle, enough to make one person's outfit, maybe two.

According to these estimates:

In the early middle ages, using a hand spindle and warp-weighted loom, that might take about 70 hours of weaving and, at a low estimate, 500 hours of spinning. If someone devoted eight hours a day to nothing but spinning yarn, it would take them over two months to have enough to weave with.

In the Late Middle Ages, with the invention of the spinning wheel and horizontal loom, that figure would go down to 180 hours of spinning and 30 hours of weaving. The change in technology reduces the time down to almost a third of what it was before!

This really settles for me the question I had about my early-medieval fantasy setting, which is that there would be a lot of looms, a loom in every household, and that it would not at all be out of place for even aristocratic women to spin and weave on a regular basis.

Which like, to be cranky about fantasy heroines who hate sewing: In that kind of world, embroidery is a luxury. Weavers and spinners have to bust their butts just to put clothes on everybody's backs. Spinning and weaving that much is gruelling work that I would absolutely understand hating. However, it is not stupid, silly, or useless. Being able to embroider—to do something primarily decorative and artistic, just because it looks good and feels nice—is likely to be more of an escape from drudgery than the drudgery itself.

It really can't be overstated, how much the Industrial Revolution was a textile revolution. Our relationship to cloth and clothing has transformed out of all recognition over the last 300 years. There are undeniable advantages to this, because it frees us to do so many other things with our time. But it also makes it tough to look back into the past clearly, because it's so easy to forget that the burdens we've shed still existed back then.

#medievalism #staranise original

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nobody-is-here01 · 2 months

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back on my bullshit, (im here to spam you Marine Luffy stuff)

Thinking about Marine Luffy’s dynamic with the 7 warlords and it's one of the funniest things ever.

Boa Hancock is going to get her own post because I have SO MUCH to say about her and Canon! Luffy along with Marine Luffy’s dynamic with her.

Anyway, personal headcanons of what I think Marine Luffy and the Warlords dynamics are.

Doflamingo: Luffy is usually the one who during Warlord meetings has to deal with Doflamingo’s bullshit. This is partially because Luffy is the only thing that really puts the fear of god back into Doflamingo. Also, Marine luffy is absolutely feral, and terrifying, and does indeed bite. I think in some twisted ways Luffy in this AU reminds Doflamingo of when he's younger. In some fucked up way of trying to cope with trauma Doflamingo tries to simulate situations that he went through as a kid to see how Luffy reacts. To see if things had been a bit better, if things had been different, if Doflamingo could have been a better person. The Dressrosa Arc still happens in this AU except a bit later. As Doflamingo’s tyrant rein finally falls he realizes that “huh maybe we never were that similar…”

(I have no idea if this AU is a Crocomom AU or not but I’ll go ahead and write up how it would go in either situations.)

Crocodile: Dynamic is definitely more cold and distant than in an AU where Crocodile is Luffy’s other parent. Luffy is seen as a threat, and Crocodile has at least 15 different drawn-up plans on how to deal with him. (none of these plans would actually work in practice.) The dynamic is pretty much just business, you leave me be I’ll leave you be.

Crocomom: Similar to the first one. Except the first time he meets Luffy and he hears that he's Garp's grandkid he's freaking the fuck out. Because holyshit, that's his alive, grownup, kid. Crocodile has no idea how to explain to Luffy that like “hey im your biological mother, now a man, hahaha…” So Crocodile simply doesn't. (The two of them do have a heart-to-heart much later alone in Impel down during the breakout.)

Moria: Honestly I don't have much to say about him. Luffy absolutely hates Hogback and Absolom though. So Luffy has a dislike for Moria and what he does. But Moria out of all the warlords not including Kuma is the easiest to deal with, so that earns him some brownie points.

Kuma: Im not sure if you caught up with the latest chapters. (specifically his backstory chapters) so I will be staying silent for now as not to spoil anything for you.

Mihawk: Mihawk is both intrigued and concerned at the beginning. Because that is Shank’s hat, and Shank’s kid. Why is Shank’s brat in the Marines?? Mihawk also like all the other warlords tends to use Luffy as some form of a coping mechanism. It's not uncommon to hear about Luffy and Mihawk getting into another physical fight. But after a while, Mihawk does realize that he has been accidentally treating Luffy as if he is Shanks. Mihawk realizes that he can't force Luffy to become his new sparring partner. Luffy is not Shanks, and he can't fill that hole either. After Marine Ford Mihawk reads the news regularly, a rare grin on his face whenever he catches sight of a straw hat.

Jinbei: That is Luffy’s emotional support parental figure your honor! The only one who is normal, safe, and sane. Also, the only one to look at Luffy and go “Are you okay?? I don't think healthy humans are supposed to act like that.” Also, the one to get Luffy to open up and heal slowly after Marineford. Also Luffy definitely knows the full truth of what happened to Fisher Tiger in this AU, so yeah that's something.

(I am so sorry, this is a really long post 💀)

Aaaahhhhhh!!! I've missed you and your bullshit bombarding my asks!

I love how with each dynamic all of them are also like, 'alright this kid is fucked up, keep an eye on him' but for different reasons

So here are some of my thoughts on what Marine Luffy’s relationship is with the warlords (love yours so much)

Crocodile : so unfortunately not a coco-mom au, like you said their relationship is strictly business, Luffy doesn't really care for the warlords as long as they don't get in his way.

Domflamingo : Luffy finds him kinda annoying so he tries to avoid any situation where he would meet him, unfortunately he can't at warlord meetings, but he's tried, probably one of the only warlords Luffy wouldn't mind punching out of the blue, dude would punch him without reason (gets away with it too)

Kuma : (no sadly not that far yet but I know a bit of his background not much though) but Luffy likes him

Moria : almost the same relationship as Domflamingo, except he just straight up avoids him, unless he has to deal with Moria then he will and he'll do it quickly

Mihawk : one of the few warlords Luffy actually respects, he admires his fighting and his character, granted it annoyed him a bit to constantly be reminded of Shanks, like you said he also like the other warlords used luffy as some form of coping, but after he realized what he did he stopped and him and Luffy kinda became like gossip buddies, like they'd hang out whenever Mihawk was in the area, but Luffy wouldn't actively seek him out, Mihawk would have to come to him if he wanted someone to talk to or spar with,

Jimbe : only warlord and person that Luffy actually likes from the warlords, yes he likes Mihawk, but Jimbe is different, Luffy has a sort of awe for Jimbe and felt very honored to know about him and his past with Fisher Tiger, Jimbe is the only one who knows that Luffy secretly wishes he was a pirate instead of a Marine, when Jimbe asked why Luffy didn't just become a pirate now Luffy replied saying that he's made so many promises to the people he protects that he doesn't want to go back, not now at least, Jimbe is also the only one who knows about Ace and Sabo and how much Luffy misses them and how proud he is of them

absolutely love your asks 🩷

Have aa good day/night

#one piece #my asks #marine luffy #monkey d luffy #seven warlords #sir crocodile #dracule mihawk #jimbei

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snickerdoodlles · 1 year

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📒?

:D!

inspired by this post and fleshed out in @majestictortoise's DMs, but warehouse AU where Kim and Chay don't quite clear the warehouse before Tawan blows it. maybe Kim was sticking close to the edge of the building for cover, maybe he wasn't ready to hand Chay over to his father's men, maybe Tawan blew the building early--idk, not important! all that matters is: Kim and Chay are far enough away they don't get hurt by the blast itself, but close enough a chunk of the building or debris can fall over their head.

naturally, Kim shields Chay. gets hurt.

and THAT's when Chay wakes up.

naturally.

now, they don't stay trapped for long. they're the first two people Porsche and Kinn look for after they brush off the clothes embers, and their brothers are FRANTIC to find them. they find them quickly, but not before Kim gets Chay frantically patting him down to check if he's alright (he's not) and asking him a thousand questions (what he's actually worried about). the only questions answered are "where are we?" and Chay's "do you hearing ringing? my ears are still ringing" (cue Kim frantically checking his head, which Chay very much likes but also P'Kim, you're bleeding, P'Kim!). there are 998 unanswered and unresolved questions still waiting when their brothers uncovered them, then Chay's scooped up into Porsche's arms and Kim's scooped up into Kinn's, and Kim's OVERWHELMED by brother's affection but also pretty pissed Kinn's bullshit hurt Chay and he just told Kinn that instead of thank you for coming like he'd meant to say but he doesn't know how to tell him that NOW--

listen, Kim's house of cards lies in shambles, he's dealing with approximately 300x his usual gamut of emotions, Kinn manages to wrangle him into the hospital and knows not to leave him alone until the nurses have finished stitching him up, but then Kim sneaks out in the time it takes Kinn to turn his head long enough to thank the nurses (the nerve of that boy!).

meanwhile, the rest of them are putting out literal fires and cleaning up rubble and trying to figure out how the fuck they're going to bury this bullshit, but all of that is secondary because Chay Has Questions. some of which Porsche genuinely can't answer ("WIK is MAFIA?!") and most of which Porsche doesn't want to answer ("why are YOU mafia hia!!"). Porsche is very uncomfortable, up until Chay learns Kim is missing from the hospital and he gets distracted worrying over him.

which. Kim running away when Chay has firm proof he cares and knows where he lives? genius plan Kim.

and Kim thinks his brothers are going to leave him alone after a building fell on him?

Kim. kid. kiddo. baby boy. you are supposed to be smarter than this.

upcoming in an order i haven't bothered to figure out yet:

Khun bangs up a storm on Kim's front door. Kim's so startled he lets him in, then Kinn sneaks in behind him holding a medical kit.

Kim starting at it dumbly: the nurses already stitched me up dumbass

Kinn, clutching the kit tighter: but-

Kim: i'm fi--

Khun: WE WANT TO TAKE CARE OF YOU

Kim:

Kim: *bluescreens*

Kim is in fact so startled by BROTHERS he doesn't realize his conspiracy board's still out in the open in full view of Khun's nosiness while he's trapped under Kinn changing his wound's dressing

Kim: DON'T LOOK AT THAT

Khun: >:TTT FINE >:TTT

Khun is nosy around the rest of Kim's apartment

(*important note: Chay has hidden his polaroids around Kim's apartment, Kim hasn't found them yet)

Khun, screeching after he uncovers one of the polaroids: KIM who's the cutie writing you cute messages on sweet pictures!! :D!!!!

Kim: SO ABOUT MY CONSPIRACY BOARD--

Kinn, as Khun shows him the polaroid: Hey That's Chay

Kinn, squinting at Kim: are you two...close?

Kim:

Kim: *tears welling*

look. he's in a lot of pain and hasn't slept and everything's ruined and he's trying not to think about how much Chay must hate him now and it's all his fault Chay was kidnapped and he's scared and he doesn't know what to feel about brothers showing up caring and--

it's been a long two days basically, it's time for Kim to cry on his brothers' shoulders where it's safe. there are tears. there is snot. there is CLUTCHING and CLINGING. Porsche and Chay show up idk, eventually, and there is even MORE crying and clutching and clinging. all roads lead to patricide so that happens too eventually, but i am not writing this so who knows how that happens. Korn can be a footnote in this anyways, the important thing here is Kim and Chay getting trapped bleeding feelings, Kim and Chay getting scooped up by brothers before anything's resolved, and finally Kim crying with snot on brothers while brothers conspire to kill their father because seriously, fuck this bullshit.

bonus:

Kim: wait so why was Vegas working with some crony that looked like your stupid ex

Kinn: well. uh.

Kim: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT WAS HIM?!?

tortoise:

Kim: you should've let me kill him the first time

Kinn: you were fifteen!!!

Kim: at least i wouldn't have missed

me:

Kim: i call dibs on him next time

Kinn: he's dead

Kim: HE WAS LAST TIME TOO

[[ ask me about fic im not writing ]]

#kinnporsche #kimchay #i have so many warehouse AUs it's such a fun playground #ask game: fics im not writing

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zproblematic · 1 year

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Okay, so I am on the verge of tearing my hair out over this, but i don't want to deal with drama so I'm putting it on my dead sideblog.

Miguel is NOT the villain. He's the antagonist! They aren't the same thing!

Every post i see where people are talking about "Oh how didn't the realize how Crazy/Mean/Villainous Miguel was?" Keep forgetting the CONTEXT of Miguel being angry with Miles' actions.

The context of it being, Miguel tried to change his own story, because it was fucking terrible and he just wanted some happiness for once. He went against the literal FATE of the world that had been written for it, 'canon', so the world unraveled.

Literally imagine the fate of the worlds as a woven tapestry, him changing the story was him tearing out a stitch. Might seem minor in the onset, but that torn stitch leads to the surrounding ones coming undone eventually culminating in the tapestry unraveling.

Miguel's fucking DAUGHTER died in his arms!

And then he goes back to his world. And this fucking terrible experience of what happens when you fuck with fate and mess around in other universes makes him look into other universes, this time with the intent of preventing the same from happening to them.

Whether that's by hunting down the anomalies that manage to pass between the dimensions or what have you.

Through this he gathers various Spider's to his cause. He accumulates HUNDREDS of them! They are in support of his mission!

Miguel is the 'leader' of this group because he's the one who founded it, the one who does the most actual work regarding it, made the technology, set up a building for the Spider's to socialize in, etc.

Also, his looking into other universes likely includes him feeding that worlds information into his AI. He has literal statistical data as to what are considered foundational events across the multiverse, especially in regards to Spider's.

When the anomaly opens up on Pavitr's world after Miles saved the police captain there's a comment made about how Miguel has teams to deal with it. That it's happened before and generally the world is lost regardless of their efforts.

It's not just Miguel's traumatic experience pushing him into keeping to 'canon' events. It's likely multiple other instances of the same/similar happening to other Spider's!

And here's where we get into his behavior towards Miles. Yes it's fucking terrible, i won't argue that.

But Miguel is looking at this teen who's saying "I'll do what I want!" Ignoring that Miguel isn't feeding him some bullshit line about how he needs to let his dad die so he can 'be like the other Spider's ' He's telling Miles not to save his dad because if he DOES the world will end. Billions of lives will be gone.

Miguel thinks Miles' selfishness is that he believes his dad is worth more than a whole world of people. And he has super advanced programming that has done the calculations TELLING him that Miles' can't change fate without the world ending.

Miguel isn't somehow the ultimate leader of the Spider's either, the others AGREE with him that Miles can't save his dad because of what the consequences would be.

Most of the hundreds of Spider's are adults or equivalent. They can make their own choices and form their own opinions and they AGREE with Miguel.

Because being a Spider is being a hero, and being a hero is constantly living God's most fucked up trolley problem. "Do i save this bus full of people or the one person I care about? Do i let this group of innocent bystanders get killed by an attacking villain or do i catch my girlfriend from her fatal fall?"

And without fail every hero Spider chooses to sacrifice the one to save the many.

Miguel hears Miles say he wants to save his dad, in his mind saying he would let the world end, and doesn't consider Miles as a proper Spider-hero, he's too selfish to be one.

The problem is, Miles is a teen, he has these amazing abilities and no real interest in listening to authority figures. Someone trying to act as an authority figure and telling him the only way he can be a hero is by letting his dad die isn't going to fly.

And of course, even though the other side has actual evidence and math to back it up Miles thinks it doesn't matter. That he can do whatever he wants because why wouldn't he be able to?

He's a teen hero who has largely gone against small-time criminals up to this point and doesn't see why he wouldn't be able to save everyone and be happy.

Even with this context, Miguel does fucked up shit. He definitely takes it way to far, a fact which Peter B seems to realize too late. He's a 30-40 something man traumatized by his experiences seeing a teen loudly shouting he's going to do the same thing and not listening to anyone about why he shouldn't.

The way he attacks Miles is insane and feral and like he HATES him. Which makes no sense given that up to this he seems like a tired grumpy guy who's the only serious person in the workplace, and they've only just met.

He gets insanely angry with Miles, probably partially because he's projecting his self-loathing onto Miles. He hates himself and sees himself in Miles and hates Miles for it. He believes that Miles actions have likely already damned Pavitr's world, and now he's going to go damn his own?

Of course, this being a story of a teen hero Miles will likely end up able to save his father and not lose his world because of it all. And Miguel will likely get in some serious fucking trouble for how crazy he went at Miles.

But Miguel isn't the villain, he's not acting to harm others or out of his own selfishness. He's the antagonist, he's trying to stop Miles [the protagonist] from achieving his goal.

#ATSV #across the spiderverse #miguel o'hara #miles morales #spiderman #into the spider verse #discussion #peter b parker #spiderverse pavitr

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dingochef · 1 year

Text

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x You (OFC)

Warnings: Swearing, Smut (MDNI 18+ Only), Angst with a Happy Ending, Stalking, P in V, oral (female and male receiving), Semi-public sex, light spanking,

Word Count 2.8k

Summary: You and Jake talk, resolving some things but also leaving more open.

Masterlist

Chapter 12

Chapter 13: Hope & Purgatory

Group Chat: Your Favorite Hoes

Members: Lydia, Beth

Lydia: I just found out about the bet and all the other bullshit. I’m so sorry, sweetie.

You: It’s over so there’s not much to think about anymore

Lydia: Your boy is hurting too.

You: He’s not my concern anymore

Beth: He obviously cares about you after what he did today

Lydia: ??

You: Creepy Bill left flowers at my house, Jake called in a favor from a friend and now I have a security system and a shiny restraining order

You: What about you and Rooster?

Lydia: It’s definitely in the “It’s complicated” category. I’m pissed he went out his way to expose Hangman, but it’s ultimately Hangman’s mess to fix

Lydia: I’ll let you know, I talked with him. Probably told him too much of your backstory, but I think he’s the real deal and really cares about you.

Lydia: I told him about Liam

You: It doesn’t matter anyway, it’s over.

Beth: Elsa, for once in your life don’t go scorched earth on a guy

You: I know you guys both want me to have a happy ending, but this is my life and it’s not like that.

Beth: I know what that means, you’re done talking about this

Lydia: Sweetie, we’re here for you

You: I know that, love you guys.

You immerse yourself in work to fill the void you feel. You imagine your heart hardening like a scar, not healing like a wound.

It's Thursday afternoon when you get a text from Jake.

Jake: El, I really need to talk to you. I'm leaving for a mission tomorrow and I don't know how it's going to turn out. I get this is a selfish ask.

You have no energy to protest; you figure this talk will at least bring some closure. The way you've been trying to figure out Jake and you has exhausted you.

You: I'll be home by 5:30, you can come by if you want

As you walk up to your house, Jake is sitting on the steps, elbows on his knees, hand clasped together. You curse your traitorous heart as it does that little flutter when Jake locks eyes with you. Unlocking the door you wave him in.

For once in his life, Jake looks unsure of himself and looks around awkwardly for somewhere to sit. You wave at the sofa, wincing when you think of what happened there the last time you were together at your house.

He sits on the sofa and you sit on an armchair, desperate to put some distance between you two. He slides down to the end of the sofa closest to you. There is nervousness written all over his face and a new bruise on his cheekbone.

“Where did you get that?” you ask, desperate to break the silence in some way.

“Rooster, clocked me during training,” he replies sheepishly.

“For that stunt you pulled at the Hard Deck?”

“No, I brought up his dead dad and his history with Maverick. I was being an idiot and trying to make him hurt in some way. Stupid kid stuff, I deserved this.” He points to the bruise.

“I’m not going to disagree with that assessment.”

Jake reaches out and takes your hand, in the split second you hesitate to considering pulling it back, he starts talking,

“Elsa, I don’t know where to start. I’ve fucked up, majorly. I should have told you about the bet, I shouldn’t have taken it all, I was already planning on trying to talk to you and Rooster, fucking Rooster, laid down the bet and youtook it like a fish on hook. I don’t know what it is about him that fucking riles me up so much. But that's on me, I made that stupid choice and I'm hoping to God that it's not going to haunt us for the rest of our lives.”

He takes another deep breath and continues.

“"Elsa, I don't know what to call what we have going on here, but I know this isn't some extended hookup situation. I'm feeling a lot of things I can't name and for once in my life they're not coming from my dick. I get why you’re keeping at an arm’s distance, Lydia told me about Liam.”

“I know, she told me.”

“I can’t begin to understand that level of betrayal and how deep that must have cut. But, I’m not Liam.”

“Jake, we both got into this knowing it was temporary, that you were here only for a few weeks. That this was just a little bit of fun," you say looking away, the earnestness in Jake's eyes overwhelming you.

“I know, I know," he sighs,

"That’s what I thought this was, but this is different. This isn’t some summer fling. I get the tantalizing glimpses into who really are and then they’re gone. I get why you’ve got this shell around you,it’s survival. You wouldn’t be where you are in this world, be the amazing person you are, if it hadn't been there to protect you, but some time you're going to crack that shell open and be vulnerable.”

You scoff,

“That’s easy for you to say, you just act like a cocky asshole to keep everyone away."

Jake nods, squeezing your hand,

“If it had been anybody else that night at the bar I wouldn't have given it a second thought and written you off as a bitch. I've had my balls busted enough times to have figured it out. I brought out the full Jake “Hangman” Seresin Experience and you didn’t care. You didn't want Hangman, you wanted to get to know just Jake. It's been a really long time since somebody did that. So when you rightfully called me on my bullshit you had me hooked. I don't back down from a challenge so I had to try again.”

“That and $500,” you ruefully laugh.

“Forget the bet, I didn’t collect it.”

“That’s supposed to make me feel better, not feel like a fucking trophy, just another notch on your bedpost?” you spit, the anger lurking under the surface finally breaking out.

He looks into your eyes, and puts his other hand over yours that is still clasped in his,

“I know it’s not enough, Elsa, but if you let me I will spend every day of the rest of my life making it up to you. I’m not those other guys, I’m not Liam. You're so God damn smart, so fucking hot, no wonder guys are intimidated by you. They wanted to tear you down to their level instead of striving for yours. I would be so god damn proud to have the privilege to go through this life with you. Those boys who left weren't me, they weren't man enough to be worthy of a woman like you. I just might be if you let me in and give me a chance to love you.”

The word love hangs in the air like a bomb slowly falling to the earth, you can see it in Jake’s eyes as he looks at you. You turn your head away, and say,

“Jake, I don't know what else I can say. I can only give so much of myself if this isn't for the long haul. Your career is as important to you as mine is to me. I can't give you my heart and have you halfway across the world for months at a time or moving from military base to base, playing the happy Navy wife. There are things I want to achieve and I can’t just give up everything I’ve worked for on a hunch.”

His shoulders sag,

“It's okay, Elsa. I understand it, but I don't have to like it. But it’s a start and that’s more than enough for me, right now. I don't know about anything else, but it's a start."

He starts to stand, knowing he has said his piece. You follow him to the door. Jake pauses before he opens the door and turns around and opens his arms in an invitation for an embrace.

You look into his eyes, blink a few times, swallow hard, and take a deep breath. For once in your life, you take the step forward into his arms. His hug is almost crushing with its intensity, but you can feel some of the tension flow out of his body. He kisses your forehead and murmurs,

“It’s a start, El. It’s a start.”

He starts to break the embrace to leave, and you reach your hand up to his cheek. You lean up on your tiptoes and kiss him gently,

“Come back to me, Jake.”

“I will,I will," he says inside the kiss.

And with that he leaves and your door quietly closes. The silence is unbearable in your house. For the second time in a week, you slump down your door and start to cry.

Later that night you get a text message.

Jake: I’ll be out of contact for the next four days. Just know that I’m thinking about you and I’ll be at your side the second I’m back if you let me. Take care, El.

–

The next four days are absolutely agony. You don't have a name for where Jake and you are, but it feels like standing on the edge of a cliff with Jake holding his hand and saying, “Jump with me.”

To pass the time and do something other than work and undertake a punishing workout schedule, you meet Lydia and Beth for dinner in Little Italy Saturday night.

You've settled in and decided to split a bottle of wine, a nice nero d'avola from Sicily.

You lob out the first question to Lydia,

“So what’s going on with you and Rooster?”

Lydia laughs,

“Fuck if I know. I ended up chewing him out after Jake let me know about his antics at the bar. I was more angry that he had fucked up something good for you, forget Hangman. You know me, you know how I am when I’m angry.”

You chuckle remembering an epic break up in college where the guy had cheated on Lydia and the fallout.

“Did you throw anything?”

“Not this time, there was nothing in reach, honestly. I left pissed off, ignored his calls and texts, but the next day he showed up at my house after work with flowers. We talked, acknowledged that it was ultimately Hangman’s shit to deal with but that it was still a really really shitty thing to do. I forgave him, for some reason, and I think we’re good now. I just want him back in one piece.”

“What is it between those two?” Beth asks, grabbing a bite of bruschetta.

“Bob says those two have been at each other's throat since training started. They’re like oil and water.”

You snort,

“More like gunpowder and flame, honestly those two just need to have the fist fight, pissing contest, or whatever they need to settle their weird alpha male energy. Although, Rooster did give Jake a good shiner.”

“I know right? Can’t say it wasn’t undeserved, Hangman brought up Rooster’s dad. He died in a training accident flying with Maverick when Rooster was a kid,” Lydia adds.

You nod in agreement while sipping your wine. Lydia lobs the question back,

“What with you and Hangman? Rooster said he came back Thursday night in a strangely good mood."

You put down your wine and take a deep breath,

“We talked. It’s not fixed, but I think we understand each other more. I’m trying to be open to all this.”

Lydia smiles,

“Is someone finally thawing your heart out?”

Beth snickers next to you.

“As cliche as that is, I’d say yes. There’s a possibility there that wasn't there before," you say.

“Alright, Beth, you’re the last to go. How's this thing going with Bob?” you ask.

She smiles and is lost in a flash of memory before she blushes.

“It’s good, you’d never know just how interesting he is unless you slow down and make an effort. I think that’s why he seems bland compared to all the over the top personalities of the rest of the squadron. He’s definitely the strong silent type.”

“You think this could be a long term thing?” you ask.

“I don’t know, they’re all here on temporary assignment so I haven’t given it much thought,” she replies, “I’m a little gun shy after Leo. But, Bob seems to get that and is letting me set the pace.”

“You and Rooster, Lydia? Long term potential?” you ask, curious where they stand.

She is oddly silent for a long time, “For once I actually hope so. I thought this was just going to be a good night’s fuck and that’d be it, but there’s something there I want to grow.”

She tears up slightly,

“I’m so worried about him right now, doing god knows what out there.”

You reach your hand across the table and take Lydia’s in yours. “He’ll come back, sweetie. I don’t think I’ve seen you in love before.” Lydia startles and opens her eyes wide,

“Shit, you’re right. And I fucking didn’t tell him before he left.”

“They’ll be back Monday, you can tell him them, you know after you’ve fucked the life out of him," you reassure her. She laughs and blinks away the tears.

“Look at us, three lovesick fools mooning for our military men on a mission. Fuck it, we need some shots, at least I can feel miserable tomorrow with a hangover.”

And with that Lydia calls the server over.

The next morning you wake up in surprisingly good shape for the amount of alcohol consumed, so you decide to go for a walk along the beach. As you sit down in the sand and watch the waves roll in, you see jets taking off from North Island and your heart aches thinking about Jake. You hate this purgatory you're in; you can't stand not knowing where you stand. Dismal failure? You can work with that, been there, done that. Floating in limbo? You're powerless one way or the other. You try to absorb as much calm from the ocean as possible before you walk back to your house. Trying to stay busy you do laundry and the other million things you’ve been putting off around the house. The day slowly winds away and you fall asleep in bed reading a book.

Monday is at least filled with work and other distractions. The day is so busy you end up eating lunch at your desk finalizing material reports for the next version of Darkstar. The day ends and you make your way home. You have no idea when Jake is supposed to be back to North Island, all you know is Monday. Your question is answered as you round the corner to your block and see a familiar body clad in khaki stretched out on the steps taking in the sun. You betray your usual cool exterior and break into a run desperate to get to Jake. He catches your approach out of the corner of his eye and jumps up to greet you.

He wraps you in a crushing hug lifting you off the ground and he murmurs,

“Oh El, it’s so good to see you.”

You look up to him and say,

“You came back, you’re here.”

He laughs lightly and says,

“I’ll always be here, baby.”

He leans down to gently kiss you and it feels like coming home. You finally break the kiss and you invite him inside and gesture to the couch.

“Let me change out of my work clothes, grab a beer if you want.” You change into a t-shirt dress in record time. When you get back to the living room, Jake has pulled two beers out to the coffee table and he is leaning over with his elbows on his knees. He reaches for a beer, his knee bouncing up and down rapidly. It’s such a contrast to the cool collected demeanor you've become accustomed to from him.

You sit down on the couch a small distance away from him. There is a nervous energy around him like you’ve not felt before. You catch his eye and arch an eyebrow questioning him. In one fluid motion he’s on the floor on his knees in front of you holding your hands, his hands are sweaty.

“Jake, are you okay? What’s wrong?” you ask, concerned.

Chapter 14

@starswholistenanddreamsanswered

@mayhemmanaged

@callmemana

@dempy

@hangmanscoming

@lanie-k

@callsign-viper

@senjoritanana

@djs8891

@atarmychick007

@memoriesat30

#top gun maverick #hangman #hangman fanfiction #hangman x you #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin x you #jake seresin x you #jake seresin fanfiction #top gun smut #top gun fanfiction

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dragonridernoobie · 3 days

Note

if I search up papyrus x reader one more time and find only aus or sans x readers with a hint of papyrus I will go crazy. Could you write about how Papyrus (original) would react to you coming home with a cold? How he would take care of the reader and stuff?

Hell ya, I can agree, there should be more papyrus but I will try my best, I hope you like it!

Papyrus X SickReader

After returning home, papyrus would greet you normally.

Hugs, kisses, and tell you everything he did today.

He will also make sure dinner was ready by the time you got home.

(Don't worry the food is eatable)

You two have been dating for years and he knows you pretty well.

He noticed somthing was up when you where slow at eating you're food.

He would ask and ask intel you say you aren't feeling well.

He would go super caring mode and pick you up, carry you to you're bedroom and put you in bed.

He would tell you to remain there so he can bring his famous soup.

Once he returns, he would help you eat if you where to weak.

He would be spot on with the medicine.

Like, he would wake you up at 2am to take the medicine again since it's been exactly 6 hours.

He would not let you leave the bed unless you needed the restroom.

I can see him putting up bone walls if you even dared to move around while sick.

He would do everything and more.

Once you are better, he will celebrate with his famous spegettie.

But....what if the roles where Reversed?????? >_>

I think you would noticed somthing was up with papyrus after a few days of taking of you when you where sick.

He would be less energetic and actally lost his appetite for spegettie.

You would corner him and make him confess what's up.

He would tell you he wasent feeling well but not to worry.

Lies, you drag his ass to bed and keep him there.

You would take his temperature, make him soup, make him take his medicine, make sure he was comfortable, everything.

You would not forbid him to move.

He might be energetic but he needs to rest.

You will force this by guarding the bed with a pillow.

Hitting him everytime he tries to get up.

You don't believe his bullshit story of hik needing the restroom.

At one point, he probably tried calling his brother for help and said you where keeping him hostage.

When sans figured out the real deal, he would just leave, saying "ya, my brother needs some rest"

Traitor- papyrus

He would take his medicine on time since you can't stay up 24 hours to make sure.

He loves you even more.

#headcanon #x reader #undertale #undertale papyrus x reader #undertale papyrus #papyrus x reader #papyrus #cinnamon roll #best boy #would fuck him #so fuckable #so hot 🔥🔥🔥

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princess-of-the-corner · 1 month

Note

…k, I WASN’T thinking of Hawks being her dad, but now I AM. Not sure how that works exactly - I don’t imagine Hawks would leave his kid if he knew about her - & we are NOT killing him, soooo…honestly, I’m not sure how to feel about Hawks being her bio-dad? Like, I feel like that might be something they figure out fairly early.

Okay now I'm thinking on it more.

This is gonna get a little fucked up so

The whole deal that Hawks made with the Commission when he was a fucking child is just.

"So perhaps you have simply forgot what you signed Oh, honestly, did you not read the colony policy That defines you as company property? That waivers your say in autonomy?"

So yeah they just. Collected some DNA samples at some point. Then when the main plot of bnha kicks in Hawks just. Stops taking orders from them. They try to get him under control, but the whole of society has shifted in ways that they can't force him to continue being their puppet without everything they've done getting put on blast, they look into other options.

And while there's plenty of hopefuls, none are quite as good. And tbh since most of the Heroes know what happened to Nagant and Hawks, they're protective of anyone the Commission scouts so while there's still Heroes getting made, they're not getting their 'special little soldier' out of any of them.

So whoever is in charge of this project decides to just make a child from scratch. And since they can guarantee a good Quirk with Hawks' DNA being added in.... then instead of choosing some random woman they go with one of them hoping that the bio-connection between the child and her handler would result in said child being much more obedient (after all, one of the reasons Hawks was so obedient was them having his mom in custody and knowing that defiance would result in hurting her).

This is also like. Their fuck you to all of the Heroes. Because like. Between Hawks, Nagant, and the Todorokis, they..... kinda set the groundwork for the idea. So the Commission members would know and get a chuckle out of it. And god the devastation and guilt they'd feel if they ever /did/ find out.

And yeah the result is Nijiko. And baby goes through a LOT.

I'm not sure how she'd end up escaping? All I can imagine is one episode of Castle(The Good, The Bad, & The Baby) where someone involved grows a conscience and decides to get her out of there. They manage to make it away from whatever facility is holding her, but are fatally injured. The Heroes find them first but can't get any info from the corpse and Nijiko isn't really talking much.

The Commission is PISSED but can't really show their hand here because Nijiko was kept hidden there's no record of her so her mom can't be like 'oh thanks for finding my baby!' because while she can prove bio-relation there's no record of her existing and that'd raise red flags.

So they just. Have to wait it out and try to get their hands on her again and just put her through their 'training program' later.

And ofc Hawks has no idea about any of this. Like if prompted he might remember the Commission taking some DNA samples or something(but also given the Commission they might not have told him that's what they were doing). But even then the idea of someone using those samples to make a kid....

I think it'd be a while before anyone makes the connection on the bio stuff because like.

So Hawks is. He does not want kids. Given his own traumas, he can't see himself being any kind of good father. Even after he gets a bit of therapy, he still doesn't want to chance it. And considering my endgame ship is him and Toya, who is also in the 'I have a lot of trauma and feel that I should not be trusted as a father', they're not planning to have kids ever.

However if there was a bullshit situation like this where he found out he had a bio kid of some sort, he's not going to abandon said child and he'd try to be a good parent. Same with Toya tbh. And they would be good at it! Trauma makes them scared to try and they wouldn't be perfect but they're capable of figuring things out and asking for help!

Which is why I think it'll be a while before they figure it out since the kid is for the Shoji-Tokoyami family instead of those two. Have Fumikage and/or Mezo find the kid and take them in and then a few years down the line after everyone in the family has established in their heads that they're Nijiko's dads. Hawks is def like. An uncle though. Partly in a 'the extended family' way but also birds of a feather flock together and all that.

Not sure how they'd find out. Maybe something genetic pops up that makes them look into it? Maybe her mom tries something to get her back and ends up revealing the situation? Who knows.

At this point they would tell Hawks and yeah he'd be a bit messed up about the situation and feeling guilty for the fact a kid was made to go through what he did. (Everyone is quick to assure him that it's not his fault!!). He wouldn't try to be anything more than an uncle though because he knows Nijiko has actual good parents now and he's still a part of her life, so trying to adjust that isn't good.

They'd tell Nijiko when she's like. Old enough to comprehend the situation.

#cc next gen

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girlactionfigure · 1 year

Text

THE HOLOCAUST WAS IN COLOUR

It's a lesson of: actually - the worst shit can happen.

Actually - the worst shit did happen.

Actually the worst shit could happen again.

And the answer might be:

Never. Again.

And as embarrassed as I am to say it would you look at me trying to finish on a positive note?

Maybe there is something stronger than fear?

Lee Kern

This was written in Jerusalem in 2015 on Yom HaShoah - Holocaust Memorial Day

#yom hashoah #Auschwitz #Lee Kern

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againstme · 1 month

Text

do any other autistic people feel like you don't know what your hobbies or passions are? i feel like due to that and also due to dealing with horrible undiagnosed bipolar and other mental health issues when i was in grade school, i didn't have the ability to even consider what it was that i was interested in, and what i wanted to do with my life.

i'm having to decide if i want to do college, it's really more i have to go to college so i can take out a huge amount of student loans to pay for out of state for the semester and also to have housing and shit. or i don't know what else i will do or where i will live.

so i'm stuck, i don't know what the hell i'm even actually interested in enough to say that i will study something related to it in college. i hate the whole concept of needing to know what it is you want to do with your life socially.

i don't know what it is i want to do, i don't know what i'm actually interested in. and the things that i do think that maybe come easy to me isn't something that i want to pursue. but i feel the societal urge and urge from my family to just figure something out and go with it.

like "you don't have to know what you want to do, that's what college is for" doesn't compute with my brain at all. how am i supposed to go into a learning environment without a goal? it feels like a waste of my time and putting myself in debt if i don't actually have some plan or career option or whatever.

and a "real" job. a major / career choice that'll "actually make me money". i've been told that so much. and i don't know anything that i want to do, especially with that constraint.

i just don't know. i'm trying to get some fucking idea because i'm losing my housing at the end of the month and i either apply to this college as an out of state and take out a lot of loans for that cost and housing and move within like 3 weeks and getting settled before the summer term starts and live on my own in such an expensive area, or i just.... figure something else out.

i don't have a real other option besides going to college right now. and so many deadlines are coming up, and i either bite the bullet to go to college doing something that i just come up with that will show that it's a "real career" to my family and chosen family even though i have no fucking clue what that is, or i maybe stay with my mom for a month or two across the country, and try to find a place to live somewhere.

i hate that i'm back at considering a homeless shelter if college doesn't work out, i don't really know what to do or what i can do.

and i don't know if school is a situation that i can thrive in, especially regarding autism. but i really have no choice. and i can't go to another place at random hoping that someone's family will take me in because i struggle so much with working and going to school.

i kind of just wish that i didn't exist, not in a depression way, but in a way that i just wish i didn't have to participate in this bullshit societal expectation of how to survive.

aghhhhhh idk if anyone else has experienced this or what the hell i do because i'm freaking out

#c.txt #autism #actually autistic #actuallyautistic #neurodivergent #disability

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stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage · 1 year

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listen I love DAO, DA2, and DAI very much and will replay all three on repeat but DAO really spoiled me with the whole "origins" part, something DA2 and DAI severely lack.

In DAO, you get to play through one of six origins that show how you got recruited to the Grey Wardens and affects how you play. I play as a Tabris and that plays a part in every decision she makes from how she views the Grey Wardens as a whole, who she romances, what she does with Loghain at the landsmeet, etc. It's incredible because that origin you get adds so much to the immersion each playthrough.

But then there's DA2 which I do adore with all my heart, but I can't lie, the first time I played it was very much "Oh, I have to be this human named Hawke? and the only differences in backstory really come from whether I'm a mage or not ...Ugh, okay, but only because you showed me Carver and now I'm attached, I'll keep playing, I'm sure nothing bad will happen to him."

And then DAI, which I also adore, comes along and just, "Okay pick who you wanna be. Great, here's a paragraph detailing your backstory, but you get to start in the same spot no matter who you make your Inquisitor to be, have fun."

It's not like it's a deal breaker that we can't play through an origin first before jumping into the main story. The player can take that element into their hands to make up for it. We see it all the time with players sharing the upbringings and family dynamics for their Hawke, or fully fleshing out their Inquisitor and why they were at the conclave in the first place.

I think DA2 does this a little better since at least it feels like Hawke had a life before Kirkwall. Your mother and survivng sibling are reminders of that life, as are every mention of your dead sibling and father. You're always reminded that you're a Fereldan refugee. You lost everything to the blight and now you have to rebuild yourself up in a new city.

But the Inquisitor? A lot of times it feels like the Inquisitor didn't even exist until they fell out of the sky. Sure, Cassandra can ask you where you're from or Josephine will ask you questions about your life prior, but that's about it. it's so unfortunate because DAI was the perfect set up for a origin stories the same way DAO was; what lead the Inquisitor to be at the conclave? What specifically put them there?

The first time I played DAI, I didn't put much thought into my Inquisitor. It took me playing through DAO and DA2 and starting a replay of DAI to actually figure out my Inquisitor and you know what I ended up doing?

I used a DAO origin.

Yeah, we know that all the wardens exist and the player picking their character decides where Duncan will be to recruit them and the others are just shit outta luck. I decided my Lavellan's actually Surana who escaped the circle with Jowan and she eventually joined the Dalish and adopted a new name after he died. Lemme tell you, roleplaying that as my Inquisitor's backstory makes everything in DAI just 10x better.

Every staff Ash crafts is named after Jowan. She wasn't born Dalish but her cover story says she was, and she slips up a lot. Her accent doesn't sound typically Dalish. Threnn tells her "Loghain was super cool actually" and Ash flashes back to when Jowan was taken by Loghain's men and when she tracked him down to Redcliffe only to find out Loghain planted him there to poison the arl, he was caught and tortured by the arl's wife, she begged a pair of wardens to let him go if they found him.

Ash is very against blood magic after it eventually killed Jowan and she isn't shy about expressing it. So you know Varric pulled my Hawke, a blood mage, aside like, "Listen, keep the blood magic stuff to yourself, the Inquisitor has a thing about it." and Edgar just gives a thumbs up and keeps going, "man, blood magic bad, amirite?"

Every conversation Ash has with Solas and Vivienne is just her biting her tongue and forcing out, "...yeah, okay." She knows the Chantry and Circles are bullshit but can't go off about it because hmmm, you know an awful lot about this for being Dalish?

Ash and Cullen see each other again after ten years and both just, "Hmm... you look famil...liar.......... oh no."

But that's my point: If I'm going to replay DAI, I boot up DAO first. I play through the mage origin as Ash, and as soon as Jowan runs off screen, I quit out of the game to boot up DAI with a little "Ten Years Later" mumble to myself, and it's so much better.

Honestly if I could find a way to incorporate an unused origin into my Hawke's backstory, I probably would! Because DAO knew what it was doing and it's super effective. I can't gush about DAO enough, I swear.

I can only cross my fingers that DA4 y'know, goes back to it's origins.

#dragon age #dao #da2 #dai #dragon age origins #dragon age 2 #dragon age inquisition #dao surana #dai lavellan #dao jowan #dai has it's issues but this has fixed a lot of them for me #i just have a lot of feelings about dao okay #i mean i have a lot of feelings about dragon age in general but you get me

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forthedancingandthethriving · 2 months

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(This is a bit out of order but it was in my head and I needed it out fast so I didn't lose it. For context all of the kids (so Lily, Lil Coding, all four Haltmann siblings, and Timmy) ended up in the same place together without anyone else, got found by the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and their group has somehow ended up in possession of an airship and mostly figured out where Ozzy and Gary's hideout is. Lil Coding has been extremely unhelpful the whole time and making some pretty over-the-line statements about Root, and is getting on everyone's last nerve. This scene is when somebody besides Lily (who has been arguing with him the whole time but can't get through his thick skull because he's calling Bias due to her usual relationship with Root) finally snaps and calls him out on not just his current bullshit, but his behavior ever since the end of Raging Riptides.)

(Also keep in mind that everyone in this scene except Lil Coding and Barney are currently ponies and everyone except the two of them and Lily currently have hooves. Because Equestria.)

“Okay, I have had it with your shit the last few weeks, you stupid cat!”

Everyone on board whirls around in surprise to see that Hex of all people is the one who spoke, and she’s now stomping up to the target of her ire, who makes the mistake of opening his mouth again.

“Wha-”

She briefly pauses her approach and slams a hoof down onto the deck to interrupt him, “Nope! It’s HMG2’s turn to talk!”

“Yes, we get it, you did the “good-aligned cheap knockoff of a villain gets manipulated by a trick-ass bitch” first. What, do you want a medal!? This might be hard to believe, but not everything has to be about you and your problems!

“Now, I’m not saying you don’t have a right to be mad about what Root did -though you probably have the least reason to be this mad out of everyone who was directly involved, quite frankly- or that you have to forgive her! Hell, I was pissed at her too for a while and I’m pretty sure Vee’s at least still on the fence. But at least we’re not bitching and sulking while there are lives on the line or saying a literal disabled and abused child deserves whatever that omnicidal maniac’s doing to her-seriously, what the fuck, man!?

“I was willing to put up with whatever hangups you’re dealing with back home where we weren't mid-crisis and the adults could deal with you, but they’re not here right now and you’ve apparently made it your mission to be as much of a burden as possible, and I can’t FUCKING take it anymore! So you can take your Messiah Complex and Catholic Guilt and SHOVE 'EM UP YOUR HAIRY PURPLE ASS!!!”

By now she has him backed against the ship’s railing and is right up in his face, “Now shut up, get over yourself, and either help us or find a corner to sulk in and stay out of our fucking way!”

She spins around and stalks off, not looking back as he falls over stiff as a board, and sees all the other kids staring at her, “Anypony else have some grievances they need aired?”

Scootaloo ducks back down behind the wheel in a panic while everyone else vigorously shakes their heads, which prompts Hex’s mood to do a complete 180 back to her usual quiet cheer, “Great! Let’s keep going then.”

While most of them go back to keeping the airship running (albeit now visibly unsettled), Lily can’t help but keep looking at her sort-of cousin in confusion, “The hell was that?”

“Well, she is based on SMG4,” Barney notes, “I suppose it makes sense that she inherited his temper.”

WOW. WOAH. OKAY, I LOVE THIS A LOT.

The idea of Hex being the one to call LC on his bullshit is such a nice idea, I love it. The fact that she gives him no room to argue, points out all the flaws in his shit, and still manages to get her point across is flawless. Also, the idea of this pony gradually backing up a cat, that is probably taller than her at the moment, up against the railing is hilarious.

OUGH YEAH,, her being based off of SMG4 too,, man that temper can be deadly when unleashed. At least someone's knocking some sense into LC!!

#hex haltmann #code: lil coding #barney haltmann #oc: lily #a snake in horseland #!asks!#fanfiction: my frens!#fren #duckapus

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wedgie-rae-rae · 10 months

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I was fired yesterday on the day of my uncles funeral

on Thursday I was made to work the fryer but the station where I put the food to keep it warm after I made it was broken down, so I had to make everything cook to order so that food wouldn't get cold and I'd have to throw it all away. I was doing what I was told but other employees kept trying to get me to make more like we usually do and I keep telling them I can't and they're blaming me saying I'm slowing us down.

as I'm dealing with all this I'm also calling multiple people trying to figure out what time the funeral was, where it was, who I'm riding with, and if I needed to stay the night with my mom to help my crippled grandmother get out the house so she can go. so as you can imagine it's an extremely stressful situation. on top of all that I can hear a couple co works saying things like "if she got off her phone we'd go faster". eventually it all became to much and I told my manager ro clock me out because I needed to go home. my friend later told me my managers understood and everything was fine.

the next day I go to the viewing and the burial. (I'm obviously not gonna go into detail about it) and after this extremely emotional morning, my friend texts me asking if I talked to anyone from work. I told him no and asked why was something wrong and he told me that I was taken off the schedule and they gave my hours to someone else. I asked him to see what was going on because again Noone contacted me. he tried to find out but management wouldn't tell him anything. I tried to call the managerthat makes the schedule and she wouldnt pick up.(keep in mind this is all happening directly after my uncles funeral) I change clothes and fo down there to see for myself and when I get there the manager that was there yesterday, so he knows what happened, and the manager I was trying to call were both there. she tried to play coy and act like nothing was wrong and I confronted her and she tried to dance around it so she didn't have to say it. she stops and asks me what happened and why I had to leave. I start explaining everything I wrote above, and she said I can't just walk out like that but I didn't just walk out I told one of the managers that was there that day. and as I'm explaining the other manager,who was the there the day I left, cut me off and started giving me an attitude and says "it would have taken you 3 seconds to get that taken care of and get back to work". after he said that I snapped and told him how thats bullshit and he was basically firing me for having to leave to get things for my uncles funeral taken care of and they were trying to hide that fact that I was fired because they both know it's bullshit and everyone else is gonna be on my side when they find out. as I'm saying this he keeps trying to interrupt me and when I was done he made me leave the building and threatened to call the cops if I didn't.

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eusuntgratie · 3 months

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8, 12, 16, 23 👀👀💚

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

i have some...complicated feelings about buck and chris's relationship and how that's portrayed/talked about especially in how it reflects on eddie. i say shit like THATS HIS DAD and THEYVE BEEN COPARENTING FOR YEARS because they HAVE and i think in a lot of ways buck loves chris like he's his and chris CLEARLY sees buck as a parental figure and eddie REPEATEDLY and PURPOSEFULLY puts buck in that role and is comfortable with him in that role.

where i get the ick is when that's pushed into this idea that chris needs buck, that eddie needs buck, in order for their family to be complete. and i don't know that i can articulate this well bc eddie does need buck, and chris needs buck too. but i also think it is so so important to recognize that eddie is a great father (despite a rough start) and that they were (and would continue to be) just fine without him.

i've even struggled with how i've written this relationship in fic, because it can be a tough line to toe.

i suspect that fandom subconciously leans in to this idea that buck can swoop in and save eddie and chris in large part because buck is white and eddie isn't. and i know that i'm icked by it more because of that.

and this is probably related, but i don't think chris would ever start calling buck anything but buck. the idea that a kid needs to call someone dad/mom/whatever for them to be "important" is bullshit. my best friend and i's kids call us by our first names but they also refer to us as their 'other mom'. i've always called my stepdad by the nickname everyone else calls him. buck has been in chris's life a long time; i don't think he's gonna start calling him something different if they finally get together and/or get married.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

taylor and shannon and lucy on 911. fandom loves to hate any woman that's even vaguely connected to one of the boys. i like taylor because she's interesting, and i appreciate seeing a woman who puts herself and her career first. we see men do that all the time. i don't hate taylor for being selfish. i don't want her with buck, but i think their relationship was SO interesting and was important for buck figuring out what he wants.

i LOVE shannon and i have loved shannon from the beginning. people love to hate her and say she's a terrible mother for abandoning her child. but she was a young woman in an impossible position who had NO help from her partner for YEARS. she tried to do what she thought was best for her son, her mother, and herself. eddie wouldn't GIVE her that space so she TOOK it. and good for her, honestly. did it hurt chris that she left? absolutely. would people judge a father as harshly for doing EXACTLY the same thing? absolutely not. shannon loved her kid, she tried to do her best, but she was pushed well past her breaking point (which eddie is largely to blame for - yes i can love my blorbos and admit they have flaws GASP) and everyone had to deal with the fallout.

lucy is hot and badass and interesting and if you watch her kiss with buck and think anything other than 'fuck, that's hot' then we will simply never agree and i'm not going to argue with you. get off her ass, she's incredible and i want her back.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

miscommunication based pining. i can do it for a little bit, but my nightmare is a 100k+ fic rated t tagged slow burn and mutual pining. JUST OPEN YOUR DAMN MOUTH! AAAAAAHHHHHH!! i can do SOME pining bc yearning can be really delicious but when the whole reason 2 people are pining for seven billion words is because nobody will just TALK it makes me insane.

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

oooh this is tricky bc i am a multishipper to my CORE i want everybody fuckin everybody and falling in love all over the place give it to meeeeee. i feel like the only ship i've ever really been AGAINST is thorki, and that's largely bc of people arguing that it doesn't "count" as incest bc loki was adopted, which pisses me the fuck off. the actual ship i don't really have beef with and i'm sure i would read a fic if someone sent it to me and it was good. idk. it takes a lot for me to be like, ew, absolutely not.

(obligatory disclaimer that you're allowed to like shit i don't like. i'm not telling you your opinion sucks, i'm telling you what i think <3)

fandom violence asks <3

#fandom violence asks #whew these got long #i've got some OPINIONS #lostcol #ask grace

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