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#I can't believe people still don't know the facts
rosesaints · 13 hours
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THAT BOY IS MINE .ᐟ I CAN'T WAIT TO TRY HIM .ᐟ
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*+:。.。 SUMMARY. yuuta's the shy, unassuming guy in your media and ethics class, the kind of moral and upstanding guy who's never seen the real world before up until coming to college. of course, he latches on to you and your drastically different world. wc: 5.3k
contents. 18+ mdni, yuuta okkotsu x female!reader, smut, porn with a dash of plot, overstimulation, body worship, oral fixation, a lil bit of a corruption kink, edging, unprotected sex, virginity loss (yuuta), praise kink, pet names, hair pulling, reader being a lil unfair, drunk sex
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When Yuuta comes, it’s a sight to behold.
His eyes screwed shut, desperate and mindless pleas tumbling off the edge of his lips like a waterfall, begging for release. He can’t help but rock his hips faster into yours, a pace that sends you off to your third orgasm of the night, but you can’t linger on that for too long when Yuuta falls apart like it’s a revelation. Like he loses himself in the sensation of it all, all strangled gasps and whimpers as you praise him through it, giving him something tangible and steady to hold on to.
God, he gets so desperate, drunk off your pussy and doesn’t stop rutting into yours even though the aftershocks of his orgasm send tremors down his spine, completely and utterly spent but unwilling to give up on the high, and you feel so unbelievably warm.
"Can you give me another one, baby? Please?" Your hand's already snaking back down to his swollen, aching cock, a mischievous lilt to your voice. 'Cause you already know what he wants.
You can hardly believe that you only took his virginity just a couple hours ago. 
Yuuta has that baby deer lost in the woods look to him, the kind of moral, upstanding guy that seems to have been sheltered all the way up until college. You remember the first time you saw him, you accidentally mistook him as part of one of the college tour groups, raising a brow when he nervously asked you where the lecture hall for the media and ethics course was.
"I'm so, so sorry, I just—ihavenoideawherei'mgoing—and… and this professor has a ⅕ rating on ratemyprofessor.com and I'm going to be so screwed, how do I—"
He had shaken his phone with his schedule in front of you then, all wide eyes and flushed cheeks, and you could barely conceal the annoyance on your face. Still, you took pity on his poor soul, looking like he was on the brink of bursting into tears. "Yeah, fine, fine, just stop waving your phone in my face. Dude, how did you even get on this side of campus—god, you're hopeless, just follow me."
When Yuuta hesitates to follow you, already three feet away, you turn around with an exasperated look. "You comin' or what?"
"Y–Yes ma'am!" He's stumbling over his words again, embarrassed with the fact that he called you ma'am, thinks that you're definitely going to abandon him there and then, but to his and your surprise, you don't. You merely huff, motioning for him to keep following you. "I mean… sorry, yes, I'm right behind you!"
It's no wonder you walk with such purpose and intent. Wherever you went on campus, people naturally tend to carve out a path for you. It's an observation that does not go unnoticed by him, surprised at the easy way in which students on campus held a quiet respect for you. He thinks can understand why—he believes you're stunning in a way that's almost unfair, sharp eyes appraising him and elevating his heart rate with just a few words.
Can't focus on much else but stare at the way your hips sway from side to side as you march confidently through campus like it's a playground.
Yuuta would find out much, much later that he might've just accidentally fallen onto the devil's lap.
You look over your shoulder to check that he's still following you and you almost burst out chortling at the way he looks, giving you the world's largest puppy dog eyes and hanging on to your every step. He's taller than you, yet his pace barely matches yours. "You sure you're a college student?"
"Y–Yes! Of course!" His words come out quicker than expected, a little bit too defensive. He rubs his neck sheepishly. "I just transferred."
You hum, a small sign of acknowledgement, weaving past a large group of students also hustling to their next class. "So you got a name or what, transfer?"
"Yuuta! Yuuta Okkotsu. And yours?"
You tell him your name, and Yuuta makes a mental note and locks it away for later. He rolls the letters over in his mind until it's permanently engraved into his memory. It's pleasant, it's sweet, and it's you. God, he can't believe he's only just met you and he's already this down bad, like a puppy nipping at its owner's heels, desperate for any crumb of recognition. He seriously needs to pull himself together…
The walk around campus is pleasant enough, if not a bit quiet, as Yuuta struggles to maintain small talk and you struggle to really find a will to care, your steps hurrying just slightly as you glance at the time. You were already running slightly late, and then you picked up the stray rushing behind you.
"Well, here we are. Media and Ethics with Professor Yaga," When you finally arrive at the lecture hall, you whip around to face him, only to find his eyes trained to your ass. Yuuta almost instantly gets flushed, stumbling over his words in an attempt to explain himself. You can vaguely hear him trying to say there was just something, a bug, a stain, whatever, but catching Mr. Goody Two Shoes acting pervy is kind of entertaining. Huh, you wouldn't have expected that. 
Instead of humoring his little excuses as to why he was staring at your ass, you merely wave him off with a small smile. "Okay, weirdo. Just do me a favor and try not to get lost again, yeah?"
"Right! I'll try…" You're already walking away and heading off to your seat before he can finish his sentence. "Not to get lost again."
Gingerly, he finds a spot cramped in between two friends who glare at him as he sits down and he winces, mumbling soft apologies. You're a few rows down, chuckling and goofing around with who he assumes are your friends, a boy with platinum blonde hair and a girl with a blunt, black bob. You settle into a comfortable banter with them, and for a moment, Yuuta appreciates you at your most natural state, all smiles and unfiltered laughter. He can see the column of your throat as you laugh unabashedly, and instinctively, he licks his lips, dry and parched so suddenly.
As if you can feel the weight of his stare, you flip around in your seat to meet his tired, dark blue eyes. Your brow raises and a side of your lips curl, as if challenging him. 
If he was any other guy, a better guy, maybe someone who was more sure of himself, he would've risen to the occasion, meeting your eyes with just as much intensity. The kind of guy who meets you head on, who would have confidently asked for your number earlier, and maybe even a date.
But alas, he was only Yuuta Okkotsu, and Yuuta Okkotsu is unfortunately the kind of guy who goes red from head to toe and buries himself back into the crook of his textbook at the notion of being caught staring so openly. He gets too caught up in his own mind to notice the cheshire-like grin that creeps onto your face, turning back to face the board with something akin to trouble written all over your face.
Maki turns around to glance back at what you were looking at earlier, and sees nothing but an unimpressive ball of white fabric and dark black hair trying desperately to avoid eye contact with your row. She snorts, and you roll your eyes. "Looks like you got a new admirer again."
"Hm, something like that," You think about his wide eyes, like a deer caught in headlights, and it's decided. "Call it my new project."
And you suppose that's where your little cat and mouse game began.
You quickly discover that yours and Yuuta's schedules conveniently align. He's rushing through the doors of your next class almost every time, perpetually late and flustered and embarrassed about barging into whatever classroom or hall and garnering dozens of speculative eyes. And every time, he meets yours somewhere in the crowd, but never fully returns it, just rushes down to a seat and pushes his head down.
Such a shame. He's a pretty boy, and you like the way he goes pink all over. 
Sometimes when lectures get a little too dull, you allow your mind to wander, thinking about how overwhelmed and discomposed Yuuta could become if you just sank down to your knees in front of him, eyes never leaving his as you pull those pants down, give him a little kiss here and there, then leave a hot, wet stripe down the length of him, watch as those hands, those surprisingly strong and veiny hands try to push you down entirely. How delicious he would taste—
This time, it's him who catches you staring, but your mother did not raise a coward. You stare back more openly, bottom lip catching between your teeth and gaze darkening. Just the slightest bit of reactions sends him spiraling, and you delight in the way he seems to get just a little bit lost, his lips parting slightly and leaning in slightly, wanting to close the distance between you despite being several feet apart. 
That's when you break your little staring contest with him, facing back towards the board with barely concealed satisfaction. It's like Yuuta just had a bucket of ice cold water splashed on him then, blinking rapidly and forcing himself to concentrate once again as if nothing ever happened.
After class, you see him fiddling with his waistband at the corner of the hallway, and you crack up.
You know that you're just being so mean, at this point, but when Yuuta hears you, all dazed and feverish, it's worth it. So you get a little bit more bold, a little bit more open with your game. 
Forgoing leggings and sweatpants for jeans and tight, little skirts, shorts that hike up a little bit too far and shows off the expanse of your soft belly when you reach over and hand Inumaki a pencil or a pen, tank tops that should, quite frankly, be outlawed in your city, exposing soft skin and your plush chest. You keep your distance, however, never quite allowing him the satisfaction of going past a few words with you or polite interactions.
Yuuta's a gentleman, even if his eyes betrays his actions. Taking only what you give him, opening doors for you when he sees you coming down the hallway, obeying so sweetly when you ask him to throw your trash away for you, the only times he can drink your full figure in and capture your full attention.
He's different, you realize, from other people you've previously fooled around with. You can see how much he's trying so hard to remain composed, never letting his eyes linger for too long, never once touching you. Other guys would've broken by now, but not your Yuuta. He's a good boy.
You make your move one Friday after lecture, and it's a familiar dance you and him have come to recognize. Yuuta's already at the door waiting to push it open for you and you beam, positively radiant, lips wrapped around a cherry red lollipop. There's a light smack! as you pull it away from your mouth, tongue peeking out just slightly to cherish the taste. 
As always, he's watching intently, as if committing the sight to memory. You absolutely love the idea, of Yuuta making himself cum over and over again at mere thoughts of you. 
To be quite honest, you've spent hours pondering if he's the type to torture himself through it, pulling away just when he's about to finish, chest heaving and panting with need before letting himself cum after a long session, or if he would rather push himself through orgasm after orgasm until he's shedding tears, begging for no one but himself to stop.
"Say, Yuuta, you got any plans for tonight?" The question is anything but innocent, and there's that pink glow that radiates from him once again, surprised at just how open you are. "Don't get any silly ideas. I'm throwing a little party tonight."
You let your tongue swipe across the shimmering head of the lollipop, delighting in the way his Adam's Apple bobs. "You should come."
For a moment, Yuuta doesn't say anything until he realizes he's just been standing there, staring at you slack-jawed. "O–Oh! Yeah, for sure, I can go! Uh… where is it? And when?" Instead of responding to his questions, you grin excitedly, like a shark who's just successfully lured its prey into the belly of the beast. "Perfect! I'll text you the details. See ya later, Yuuta!"
He nods furiously, flabbergasted more than anything, until he realizes he's never given you his number before. "W–Wait! But my number—" Too late, you were already off to your next destination. "I never… gave it to you…?"
His phone buzzes suddenly, startling him and amassing a few stares from passersby. Sure enough, there's an address, a time, and a winky face emoji from you that makes him rub his eyes to make sure that what he was seeing was right. Fuck. If the address was right, he was definitely going to get lost. He still has no idea where left and right were on campus.
Another buzz on his phone with detailed instructions on how to get to your place. Just in case. No excuses, Yuuta, you typed.
God, you were going to be the death of him.
But sure enough, he arrives at the designated place and time (not that you ever had any actual, real doubt that he would show, absolutely not), and is met with a house party at full steam, smoke radiating from some of the windows and a few people alternating through rounds of beer pong. There's some heavy R&B blasting from the basement that thrums through his spine as he tries to navigate his way through the crowd, searching for the illustrious host.
Just when he's about to give up hope, he finds you on a worn leather couch in a room off to the side of the house, surrounded by a haze of smoke and purple neon lights, looking so dangerous and gorgeous that it forces the ability to vocalize his thoughts right out of him. At the same time, you spot him, and it's silence between you two for a second. 
You smirk, and his heart skips several beats.
With one pretty manicured finger, you're gesturing him to the spot next to you. Wordlessly and hopelessly, he follows.
"You made it," He falls down next to you with a plop, sinking down on the leather and sitting so nicely, hands properly situated in his lap. He turns to look at you with a sheepish nod and you laugh, because you don't know what else you should've expected. It's the closest that you've ever been to him, and it's like he's already going into overdrive. "Did you get lost on the way or did you find me okay?"
"It's quite a party," Yuuta's distracted by your shimmering stockings, adorned with glitter and tiny little rhinestones. He normally loves when you're all exposed for him, bare legs crossed during lecture, but he thinks he likes this a lot more. "Your directions were super helpful," he murmurs.
"What ever would you do without me, hm?" You're suddenly so close, he can feel your breaths mingling in the air, and you're looking at him with those dark, dark eyes like you want to devour him. For a split second, your gaze flicks down to where his heart is pounding so loudly in his jugular, and there's another sharp spike between his legs.
It's honestly so unfair, this effect you have on him. Barely even a minute, and you've got him panting at your feet like a dog. 
He inhales and chuckles shakily. "I don't know," I don't want to know. Don't think I can ever stand a day without seeing you, without hearing you, God, please I just want you so bad—He allows himself to be bold, to see if what he's feeling is true, impossibly long lashes drifting to the floor as he lets his next words escape him quietly. "Let's hope I don't find out."
"Hope not," Your smile's all pearly teeth and he can see your canines glinting even in the low lights. The party really gets in full swing all around you, and he can vaguely hear the shallow whoops and screams of his cohort having the time of their lives. "Say, Yuuta, you wanna have some fun?"
It's a blur of bodies and pounding music from that point on, the only times when he really feels lucid is when you're holding onto his hand, taking him from one part of the party to the next with that same, sly smile like you're taking him down the rabbit hole. He doesn't drink that much, intoxicated off of your presence alone, and it's addicting. The rush gets to his head and you convince him to play a round of beer pong with you, relishing in the way you embrace him after he sinks a ball into one of the cups and feeling the shape of your breasts against his chest, hot and sweaty, and he just wants to taste you, wants to lick up your shoulder up to your jaw and wrench beautiful noises out of your pouty lips.
It's a silly, stupid game, shooting balls into cups, but when he wins the game for the two of you, you're looking at him so ecstatically, overjoyed and nearly falling into his lap. "Yuuta, Yuuta, baby, holy shit—didn't think you had it in you. Good job!"
Your praises set something on fire inside him. "I can win another," His voice is hoarse, pleading, and he knows he can win another. "Watch me."
All night, he's glued to your side, fetching drinks for you, holding your purse, winning more and more games just to see you happy, just to hear you praise him a little bit more, harmless words that you don't even know carry so much weight for him.
It's almost 4 AM when the party really starts to wind down, and that buzz of alcohol's just starting to really get you flushed, and you motion to your friends to wrap it up, to get going. But not Yuuta.
Yuuta helps you up the stairs and into your room, and he takes a moment to soak it all in, your room and all of its treasures. It's filled to the brim with mementos, photos, and clutter that's been specifically tailored for your taste, and his head's swimming, overwhelmed from being wrapped up in you. "Yuuta?" Your voice is soft and inviting, looking back at his form by the door as you fiddle with the zipper of your dress. You know you can reach it by yourself, but the tension you've felt all night goes taut, string suspended after months of pushing and pulling, and it makes you bolde, more confident. "Wanna help me?"
"S–Sure, yeah," He murmurs, never quite fully meeting your eyes. His hands work diligently, undoing the zipper, and watching as it descends to your lower back, exposing your spine. "There… there you go."
"Thank you," To his surprise, you shuck the whole fabric entirely, leaving you exposed in just your underwear. His eyes widen, trying to avert his eyes from your figure, but you reach for his hands, willing them to stay at his sides. "It's okay, Yuuta. You can take a look."
Yuuta surges forward in an instant. It starts as a chaste, innocent kiss, fast and spurred by the rush of alcohol and desire in your veins, and in a mere second he's pulling away. "Sorry, I don't know what came over me—"
But you're even faster, pulling him back in by his waist and kissing him deeper, with more ferocity. When you lets him up for air, you see just how much he needs you, how much he wants it, and you sober up rapidly, pushing him up aggressively against the bathroom wall and making him give in.
You may be a little too aggressive, but you can't find it in you to care, when Yuuta's squirming against you, unabashed hands sneaking to grab at the globes of your ass and press himself closer to you. You nip and nibble at his lips, tongue swiping over to soften the blow as your Yuuta slowly loses his mind.
When he gasps, you're probing your tongue into his mouth, hot and filthy, drawing moans out of him when you suck on his bottom lip, exploring him for all his worth. You kiss like you're parched and he's your oasis, unrelenting and unforgiving with the way you wrench him even closer by his hair, and he moans, a depraved and nasty sound that only serves to satisfy you further.
The wall's nice, but your bed's even nicer, grabbing him and forcing him down on the downy mattress to climb up on his lap, rocking into his hardness and dragging your clothed pussy over the rough material of his jeans, never leaving his grasp  only to mutter praises you know he likes. "Mmmmm, Yuuta, you're so—"
You gasp when he pulls you down even further, his hips involuntarily griiiinding you down in a way that sends shivers down your spine. "Don't stop. More, more, more." And who were you to refuse your baby?
Yuuta's so needy and demanding, and his actions are sometimes rapid and unrefined, but he makes up for it with sheer enthusiasm, in disbelief that he's finally got you in this position. You also find out that he's eager to leave marks all over your pristine skin, sucking marks that will surely bloom purple on your collarbone and the highest peaks of your breasts. He's running on instinct, you realize.
He paws at your underwear, desperate to get the flimsy fabric off as you giggle and finally shuck them off your legs. "Slow down, Yuuta!" But he can't pay any mind to that, 'cause in seconds, he's mouthing at your sweet, sweet cunt, until his jaw's drenched, mindlessly flicking his tongue back and forth, finally getting the taste of you imprinted onto his tongue, his body, his mind.
"Such a pretty baby," You coo, a hand coming down to grab at his hair and press him closer to your cunt, sighing delightfully when his nose brushes your pubic bone and his tongue slides up and down, up and down, setting a pace that makes you rock against his face. "So good for me, baby, so sweet. Always takin' care 'f me."
Diligent, obedient, wrapped in the palm of your hand as he eats you out like you're his last meal, and you swear you see the glimmer of tears in his eyes. "God, you taste so good, holy shit—" obscene, graphic words that you would've never imagined Yuuta saying.
Your back arches when he forces you to grind even closer down the bottom of his face, thighs wrapped securely around his head and nails scratching at your ass, intensifying the feeling of falling down this slippery slope with him. There's lewd sounds all around you and it's all you can hear, eyes closed shut as you soak the bedsheets underneath you.
Yuuta's tongue scrapes against your clit and you jolt, helpless whines tumbling out as he takes note, wraps his lips around the bundle of muscles and sucks, harshly and unforgivingly. There's stars behind your eyes, and you're gripping onto the sheets, waiting for that string to snap and it does—cursing and mouth parting in a silent scream.
It takes a second for you to become lucid again, but you come back to awareness with Yuuta still licking off your juices, hot tongue lazily cleaning you off so generously and with so much care, a thumb stroking the smooth skin of your thigh, like he didn't just make you ascend to heaven a few minutes before. 
He only pulls off of you with a slight push, and he looks up at you like you've just deprived him of oxygen. Yuuta's sprawled over your pink comforters so innocently and you lick your lips, eyeing his jeans with desire. "Mind if I return the favor, Yuuta?"
When he doesn't answer, you ask again. "Yuuta?"
"I'm sorry, I've never—I've never done that before," It's that familiar flush again, painting a brilliant blush onto his cheeks.  "Or any of this before, really, um—I got a little… excited, I'm sorry." Oh. Well, that's a first. "But–But give me a second! I can go again, I swear, I promise, it just takes me a little bit of time—" "Yuuta," You reach forward to cup his face, and he slumps onto your touch so easily, inky blue eyes encircled with exhaustion going softer at your touch. Slowly, you drag yourself back onto his lap, excitement rushing through you at the prospect of taking every single one of his firsts. Hell, you'll wait all week if you have to. "I can wait. We've got until sunrise, yeah?"
To pass the time, you strip off the rest of his clothes and lay him down on the bed, content to just lick and nibble at the milky expanse of his neck, captivated by his soft sighs and little whines. Something stirs you to play with his nipples, pinching and squeezing the bud until Yuuta's breathless, begging you to stop and keep going at the same time. "Hm, you like that?"
"Y–Yes! Don't stop," He whimpers when the pad of your finger swipes across the sensitive skin, hips raising to the air. "Don't stop, please, please, I need it, I need—"
"Needy, needy, needy," You tut, but you keep going anyway, and you feel dizzy from the amount of power he's just placed on your hands. "What do you think about putting some clamps on these, huh? Maybe for next time. Think you'd look so pretty, don't you think?"
You lick a soft, velvety stripe up his neck to nibble on the outer lobe of his ear, thrilled with the way he gasps, leaning further into your touch. "Just picture it. Some sparkly little clamps on these, while I jerk you off nice and slow, force you to feel it all. Pulling away just when you reach the edge. Think you might actually lose your mind." Your laugh is piercing, and he gets hard once again at the thought of being completely and utterly at your mercy. "You ready for round two, Yuuta?"
He's at a loss of words, only able to nod uselessly and watch as you climb back on top of him, groaning when he feels to heat of your pussy on top of his cock, ramrod hard again and already leaking pre-cum. He swallows the lump of his throat, unable to tear his eyes away, but he regains his sanity for a moment. "C–Condom?"
"Nah, Yuuta, we don't need it," You giggle, aligning the angry and red, leaking tip of him to your entrance, rubbing it around sloppily to lubricate yourself with his and your juices. You moan quietly at the sensation, trying to regain your composure. "I'm on the pill and I'm clean. Besides, you're a virgin, right?"
"Uh…Uh–huh," Yuuta can't stop looking at where you're almost connected, mesmerized. "You're my first." Your grin gets even wider. He was putty in your hands, he would do anything if you asked him to.
"Hm, 'f you play your cards right, maybe I can be your last," You see the glint of hope in his eyes just before you sink down, delighted with the way his lips fall slightly open, heart beat elevating. The stretch is harder than you expected, groaning lowly as you force yourself to descend fully down until you meet his pelvis, resisting the urge to start bouncing right then and there, not when Yuuta looks fully ready to combust. "Y–You alright? Heh, lookin' a bit pale."
You're a bit nervous, yourself, but you're not gonna admit that and betray this nonchalant image you've curated. When you move even slightly, hips readjusting for your comfort, Yuuta squirms. Patience, patience. You huff. He's big. "Give… give me a second to adjust. I'm—mmmf!"
Yuuta can't help it, he can't stop the way he pounds up into you and causes you to yelp, desperate to feel your velvety walls clench around him. He looks at you with restraint that's very quickly fading. "S–Sorry! nghhh—" He grabs onto your hips, subjecting you to another brutal thrust that wrenches helpless moans from you in turn. "I'm—I need, just let me—"
"I'll be good, promise, swear, fuck, just need to fuck you so bad!"
He's babbling even as he starts fucking up into you with a renewed vigor, the picture of depravity, eyes rolling back as he takes his pleasure for his own. You're on top, and yet he's the one controlling the pace, veiny hands forcing you to meet every single one of his thrusts as if you were nothing more than a doll. "Oh god, oh god, oh god, feels so good!"
Your second orgasm of the night surprises you with a jolt, tongue lolling out and lost in an orgasm-fueled haze, and Yuuta's capturing your mouth with his, tasting you, drinking in your moans and mindless pleas. How the tables have turned, boneless in his lap now, as he keeps murmuring praises for you. 
And yet, he doesn't stop. He's insatiable, you realize. You've unlocked a complete fucking monster, a monster that keeps fucking you through your orgasm.
"Ugggh, Yuutaaaaa—" You don't even know what you're begging for at this point, tears involuntarily pulling at the corners of your eyes. It just feels so good. Your previous partners have never made you feel this good, to the point that your toes are cooling and there's a string of drool connecting the two of you together. Yuuta pays you no mind, eyes closed shut as he chases his own high.
His pace grows ragged and uncontrolled, and his voice is hoarse, murmuring wanton pleas that makes you ache with need. Your beautiful, beautiful boy. "Can I cum? Oh please, let me cum, fuck, going to be s'good for you, mmm, 'll fuck you every day, be your last," He moans, low and long, like he can barely contain himself any longer. "Let me cum, please."
"Yes, yes, yes, cum for me, Yuuta, mmf! Mm—let me see you fall apart, cum inside me," Your words are what brings him over the edge, and he's collapsing into your touch, nothing but your name and your pretty face carrying him through.
When he slowly returns to lucidity, it's a familiar sight as he encounters your devilish smile. "Can you give me another one, baby? Please?"
Sunlight's streaming through the window by the time you get through with him, true to your word, fucking him every which way until you've lost track of time. He's so eager to learn, so eager to memorize every way to pleasure you, until he's nothing but a boneless heap on your bed, reduced to soft moans and whimpers.
The air's thick with sex and your sheets are soaked, but it doesn't matter, not when the prettiest boy in the world's panting and heaving, in a daze after cumming over and over and over. It fills you with a sweet sense of satisfaction, and you're not even close to being done.
You'll take care of him for now, wash off the musky headiness of sex and all your juices, press innocent kisses on all the marks you've left, shower him with praise and comforting words, let him rest for a bit, but it's only Saturday.
By the time you're done with him, you'll truly be the only thing left on his mind.
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© ROSESAINTS ᐟ — do not repost, translate, plagiarise or claim any of my works as your own. requests are OPEN .ᐟ
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luvvixu · 3 days
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mind over matter pt. 4
synopsis: witness how your marriage was bound to fall apart with you on the front seat and your husband gojo had missed the show—now, he gotta figure out the story on his own.
content: arrange marriage au, angst, husband!gojo, mean!gojo, mention of blood, strong languages, some unsettling scenarios, emotional trauma, read at your own risk
a/n: ok, im such a bad author now huhu, i always broke my promises about updating the new chapter :((( should've just wrote in advance but i'm afraid i don't have that enough free time oqsjjanswjaj anyways, here's the anticipated chapter!! THANK YOU FOR Y'ALL PATIENCE <3 MWUHEHEHHEEHHE
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previous / masterlist / next
the next day comes and you've got yourself some visitors. megumi, yuuji, nobara, maki, and inumaki was in your room and they were all seated around you as you talk.
panda and your two third years were not around at the moment because this is a non-sorcerer hospital and people would freak out to see a big ‘talking’ panda. during your two third years, they were out of town and were on a mission but they still text you to get well and even send you some fresh flowers.
“wait, i still can't believe that he's your husband.” nobara couldn't explain his shock at the revelation. out of all, she didn't think that her goofy teacher was someone's husband.
you chuckled at her reactions as you turned your gaze on megumi, who's still his mouth hanging. “megumi, i thought you're getting a hint?” you tease the boy. although it was true, you actually thought he already had an idea because you've known him for almost his entire life and even once lived with you as a kid.
“no…” was only his answer.
“so, gojo-sensei was the one you're talking about when you said that he was a busy man. most of his job requires being out of town. but he never fails to shower you with love and he is making sure that you two would still communicate despite his busy schedule?” your eyes widened when yuuji literally just said what you had said from before, word-by-word!
“i—i supposed he is.” everyone in the room sweat dropped at your answer.
what do you mean you supposed?!
“y/n-sensei, is it okay if we ask your baby?” maki chooses the gentlest approach because she heard that post-pregnancy can make the mother quite crikey, sensitive, and is prone to depression. but to her relief, you respond to her warmly.
“oh, the baby is being treated since they're premature. i really can't wait to meet them once i get better. but right now, shoko was the only one who had seen my baby.” you smiled softly at the thought of your baby.
“gojo-sensei still hadn't seen the baby?” maki’s eyes went wide.
you nodded. “yeah, he said we should go together so i must heal quickly for that to happen.”
the door suddenly opened and it revealed your husband with food in his hand. you smiled at the packages not because you're hungry, but because you had finally persuaded satoru to go out and leave you even for just a few minutes.
how did you do it? well, you just give him an earful after what he did yesterday night and he's like;
“i don't know how you did it but you should've just gone to the convenience store or the hospital canteen just for an oatmeal and eggs. and look, i'm not upset over the fact that you just had the ‘very easy to get’ food delivered on this doorstep. what concerns me is you seem not to trust me very well to handle myself— well in fact i've been doing it since i was a kid and blah, blah, blah, blah…” it was your turn to yap but a little longer than he did. you even probably bought up some of his minor mistakes like not taking out the trash on random sunday night.
and he was like, “i'm sorry. i won’t do it again ( •̯́ ^ •̯̀)”
“y'all done backstabbing me?” satoru teasingly smiled at you all.
“oh, we're just getting started. so why don't you take a seat and hear us out?” you patted the empty space of your bed beside you.
satoru playfully huffed and gave the foods to his students and let them distribute it themselves. sitting beside you, he gave you the separate plastic with food and helped you feed yourself. the two of you had your moment with you telling satoru to just let you be and stop feeding you like a kid, but satoru was like nuh uh—and it goes on and on.
meanwhile, the students watch you two with surprise in their eyes. they still couldn't digest the fact that you two had managed to hide your marriage for like five years or so. and out of all spouses out there, they couldn't believe their eyes that you married a guy that is a total opposite of you.
“i still cannot really believe that you're married and have a baddie wife.” nobara almost never tears her gaze towards you two.
“yeah, much more is that they look so in love!” yuuji agrees to what nobara said as his words made you two stop bickering instantly.
like a cold water being poured, you two were suddenly experiencing a reality check that this so-called in love was very far from the two of you actually is. coughing slightly to hide his awkwardness and nervousness, he just let himself chuckle. while you? you're an expert at this, you maintain a smiley expression and wordlessly (and also forcefully) agrees to what the boy said.
“oh my, do we?” putting a hand on your cheek, you smiled with your eyes closed. your act looks so legit but satoru has seen this multiple side—he knew this facade was all fake.
maki suddenly puts herself into attention by calling your name. “anyway y/n-sensei, i've noticed you two don't have a ring—” before she could even finish her sentence, you already beat her to it.
“that's because the two of us, mostly him, are constantly fighting curses and both involve using our hands when we use our techniques. it would be risky to wear it and we're scared that we might get it lost or damaged.” you explain meticulously.
you watch the students agree to your explanation, while satoru is looking at you with meaning. you stared back at him too, hoping that he would get your telepathic message.
“alright guys, your y/n-sensei needs to rest now. we'll just see you guys soon or you can all just drop by tomorrow after your training.” satoru called everyone's attention by clapping his hands then started to playfully shoo the students.
you watch them pack their things and wave you a happy goodbye, in which you return their enthusiasm as well. when they all left, you let out a sigh and started to gently lie your body on the bed. satoru, who was done cleaning just now, sit at the end of your bed and carefully massage your legs.
“did you have fun with them?” you just lazily hum at his question and proceed to rest your eyes.
“i…i'm surprised you managed to convince them about our marriage.” satoru continued quietly.
opening one of your eyes and looking at him, you said, “of course, i've been doing it to a lot of people for the past five years.”
that alone made him shut up.
satoru looked down to his hands, which were still busy massaging your legs. you've noticed that his eyes were casted down and his behavior was somewhat familiar to you, he's feeling something that is related to guilt and regret.
clicking your tongue, you're in no mood to deal with his behavior today. so to find a solution to this problem, you just put yourself to sleep and let all of this just go on without a single care.
it has been two days and you're getting better day by day. today was probably the bestest day so far because you're about to finally see your own baby!
“calm down, mama. do you want your stitches to open again?” shoko holds your knees to stop it from shaking anxiously as you were currently sitting just right outside the neonatal intensive care unit (nicu) where your baby was.
you understand that the doctors need to prepare the room first before you all come in, but you wished that they speed it up.
“but sho, i'm finally seeing my baby!” you squeal at your friend who just ruffles your hair and tells you to be patient—in which you definitely can't.
meanwhile, satoru, who was standing beside you while you and shoko were sitting together, has been eyeing you since this whole waiting. he understands that you're excited about seeing the baby because he is too, he is excited. but he couldn't help but to feel a sensation that you would rather share your excitement with others than him.
he knows that he sounds ridiculous and undeserving to say that in the first place after what he did to put you through, but he still couldn't help it and he wouldn't even dare to say it to you.
the door of the nicu just opened and it revealed the doctor who was wearing protective gear to keep bacterias and viruses from entering the room and harm the baby. before he lets you all in, he first instructs you all to change the same gear as him and then proceeds to give you all some explanation in which you actively listen and take notes.
and after that, he finally lets you go inside.
the moment your eyes traveled on a crib, you saw your child laying down there with some breathing apparatus that is connected to their little body. you could feel your eyes swell with hot tears as you inch yourself towards the bundle of joy who's their crib was also protected with glass and only small holes on both sides were there.
satoru and shoko watched you with pure warmth at your sight—it was a nice scene of mother's love. finally, a tear escapes your eyes the moment you get a whole view of your child.
“isn't he pretty?” shoko said beside you, someone who you didn't notice had come near you.
you gasp, “he? m-my baby is a boy?” your cries go even harder, but it was just pure happiness. you couldn't bring yourself to tear your gaze away from your child even though he looks fragile for being premature but you love him dearly.
“can i touch him?” you look at the doctor who assisted you earlier without caring that you might look like a crying mess. you're far more thrilled to be with your child than to be pretty at this moment.
the doctor smiled at you and he agreed. he pointed out the small hole on the side, telling you to stick your hands out to feel your baby. you do what he said with your shaky hands, and when your fingertips touch his warm skin—you feel like you could die from the burst of euphoria.
“my b-baby, my baby is n-now here!” you really can't hold your emotions back as you keep on passing your fingers through your baby's arm until it reaches his closed hands where you slightly and gently open it for him to grab index finger. and when he does, your smile becomes even wider.
“hi baby~ this is me, your mommy. it's so nice to finally see you.” you whispered softly, hoping that despite the glass, he could hear your words.
this is the bestest day of your life. your baby was here and that's all you need.
the scene continues to unfold with you still getting emotional and shoko was just watching you with a smile on her face. while satoru, the father of the child, the husband of the mother, was a little distant but he could still see the baby. he was all quiet and couldn't bring himself to utter a word but he's not speechless.
his eyes behind those glasses were trailed on the child, but most of his gazes were on you. satoru watches you become all smiley—this is probably the happiest smile he had seen on your lips for the past years of your marriage.
and he would absolutely never forgive himself if he breaks it—but he already did.
shoko notices his odd behavior and promptly leaves your side for a while (but you're busy having a baby talk with your baby to notice her leaving) to go talk to him.
“what? you're just gonna stand there and watch y/n?” yup. still the same as before, hostile towards the man. satoru let out a sigh and didn't give her attention. instead, he walked towards y/n and just focused on his family.
“you’re so tiny!” you continue to cooed at your son who keeps on moving slightly which is a good sign that your son is responsive and fighting. you also noticed that satoru was now right beside you and is looking at your son too with adoration tinted in his eyes.
“i don't think i could let myself be away from him anymore.” you said. your cheeks were now hurting from constant smiling but you don't mind.
satoru only looks at you briefly because his attention was now on his son, fully. “hello, it was nice finally meeting you.” his eyes trailed on his own flesh and blood with the most care of all.
on the other hand, you're not dumb to not notice that satoru was acting hesitant towards this scene and you knew what his reason was. you think that satoru thinks that he was undeserving to be here, and you're correct about his assumption.
but as a woman who grew up with an experience of being inside a shattered family, you absolutely would not want that to happen to your own child. and as much as you would also like to satoru be away at least for now because you're still that sensitive about what he had said during those conversations in the clinic and hallway, you respect his role as a father.
you'd give him a chance to prove his worth as a father to your child, but he's far worse to have a chance to prove his worth as a husband to you. if he messes this up real bad and without any proper explanation, this will be all over—satoru would no longer have you and your child as his own family.
“stick your hand on his hole, that way you could feel him.” you guided his hand towards the hole that you had said before and watched his hands turn shakey as he reached for the baby.
once satoru had finally experienced a skin-to-skin touch with his baby, he wanted to cry so badly but he didn't allow himself to, at least not yet. he felt like this was one of the best moments in his existence.
satoru would like to punch himself for questioning the baby for his plans as he seemingly thinks it would affect him. but just when he look and touch his baby, all of his recollection about the mixed emotions he felt when the baby is on the board has suddenly vanished and it was replaced with gratefulness and adoration for both of you.
it was like a full 360 degrees turn was done after the early birth of his first born. plus, he had seen you be ever so happy that you are with him. and deep inside him, satoru deniably hopes that this kid, this child, can at least help him save this marriage that was destined to fail and doomed.
because he now finally realizes that you're slowly wrapping him around your tiny fingers.
your tears had made him be a better person, your recent experience had made him behave. it almost cost you and your baby's wife just for him to realize the importance of your five years of marriage, and he's planning to tell you that soon.
“have you finally decided what name we should give him?” shoko asked you and she didn't fail to see your eyes sparkle at the mention of name.
ah yes, baby names.
that was something that a mother and father should decide together because it comes very crucial because the name that your baby will get is a symbol of you two's relationship. but the thing is, you and your husband hadn't talked about a single thing or just anything related to this matter.
that's probably why you're still embarrassed whenever you think about nanami accidentally seeing you open a website into one of the school's computers about unique baby names with its meaning.
you're four months pregnant at that time and you're spending your free time in a teacher's lounge. you're very invested in your mini research to the point that you didn't notice an old friend peeking at your screen. you actually only notice his presence when you're about to stretch but accidentally bump his torso, and to your surprise, he was there.
and then the rest becomes a story and history. nanami helped you pick baby names for both genders or even unisex until you came out with…
“kazuki. let's name him that.” a soft smile was decorated on your lips as you watched satoru, who's looking at you, plays with the hands of your son.
“kazuki…that's a nice name, y/n.” satoru said happily. however, you can see his disappointment behind those words and you know why. you didn't even invite him to search for your baby's name because why would you?
“does it have any special meaning?” shoko asked you.
you nodded and said, “of course, kazuki means hope of peace—and i really need that.”
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[part 5 will be just there right around the corner — ©luvvixu2024]
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Note
I was thinking about the jobs of BSD cast in the real world.
Well, I know that the Ada members are detectives and they formed the Private Investigation Bureau.
If I remember correctly, Mori and the other PM members are working to establish Port Mafia in the real world.
Nikolai is a magician ig.
And Lippmann is working to be an actor
.
I have some questions-
1) Do the Beast!Ada members also join private Investigation bureau with the og!Ada members?Then which Fukuzawa is the president?
2) Similarly, Do the Beast!Pm members join the PM with the OG!Pm members. Who is the boss then? Mori or Dazai? (Tbh, I kinda imagine Beastzai taking Og!zai's vacant executive spot)
3)What does Beast! Mori do?
4)What does both Fyodors do? I don't think they would choose terrorism again since they already live in their desired world.
5)What does the HD do? Does Teruko go to school with the other kids since she's only 12.
6)Does Sigma join the Private Investigation Bureau?
______
Jobs
_______
1. At first, it was the plan, that OG!ADA and BEAST! ADA will work together, with both Fukuzawas sharing the title of president.
However, two problems arise.
№1. Half of the time, Ranpos refused to work together. Sometimes, because they were arguing, who solved the case faster. Other days they were fighting because they can't decide, how to share snacks. Then they would fight over your attention.
Both Fukuzawas have to break the quarrels between Ranpos. But they would start again later. You also could act as a mediator, Ranpos did listen to you, but you can't just spend all day in the Bureau's office.
№2. BEAST! Akutagawa, OG! Dazai and BEAST! Oda have troubles working with each other.
BEAST! Akutagawa still doesn't like Dazai (any version), OG! Akutagawa will try to pick up a fight with BEAST! Akutagawa for his disrespect, which doesn't make BEAST! Akutagawa likes Dazai.
BEAST! Oda still can't believe, that another him is friends with OG! Dazai.
OG! Dazai, out of respect of BEAST! Dazai's situation keep his distance from BEAST! Oda.
At the end, BEAST! ADA agreed to establish their own detective agency. And BEAST! Kunikida will be a President of the second agency, at least on paper, so people won't question, why Fukuzawa Yukichi opened two agencies.
BEAST! Armed Detective Agency will be known as Insight Investigation Agency.
__________
2. It took a lot of discussion, but Port Mafia and BEAST! Mafia joined forces. With some rules for BEAST! Port Mafia
Rule №1. BEAST! Dazai can be executive, Black Lizard or took any Mafia's job he likes, even leave the mafia any time he wants, but, in return, he agreed to never took Port Mafia boss position.
Rule №2. BEAST! Chuuya will have to be a sub-executive, together with Rimbaud. He can become proper executive, when OG! Chuuya either become Boss, and gave BEAST! Chuuya executive spot, or if OG! Chuuya leave mafia and agreed to give BEAST! Chuuya executive spot.
Rule №3. BEAST! Chuuya works together with Verlaine and Flags. They try to help BEAST! Chuuya with his temper.
Rule №4. BEAST! Atsushi and BEAST! Kyouka will work under Kouyou. OG! Akutagawa is prohibited from going near BEAST! Atsushi without good reason. Because OG! Akutagawa doesn't trust BEAST! Atsushi in doing good job protecting you. Fun fact, OG! Akutagawa trusts OG! Atsushi, that he will protect you.
BEAST! PM are fine with new jobs. However, BEAST! Dazai does think from tome to time about leaving Port Mafia.
__________
3) BEAST! Mori and BEAST! Elise is working in the orphanage. They are a mix between medics/caretakers.
_________
4. OG! Fyodor and BEAST! Fyodor are working with computers, Internet security and IT. They mostly work from home, helping companies find weak spots in their defense with hacking skills.
And, yes, they aren't terrorizing anyone. Except your hair. Because:
"Myshonok, you looked so sad with unplayed hair, so I decided to help."
"Myshka, let me style your hair and give you scratches."
... If it makes things better, sometimes, Fyodors play with Shibusawas', Bram's or Nikolai's hair. The only difference, that with them Fyodors do it automatically, when they are thinking about something. With you, Fyodors do it on their own violation.
________
5. Hunting Dogs became bodyguards for hire. Tachihara works both as bodyguard and as mafioso.
As for Teruko... It's slightly complicated.
Teruko will go to school. However, Teruko wasn't to fond of this idea. Her ability makes her mind quite developed. Because of that, Teruko is much smarter, then average twelve-year-old, and also acts very mature. Teruko just thinks, that she can do something else, beside going to school and keeping an eye on kids.
However, she also can't use her ability to age her up to be a bodyguard with the rest of Hunting Dogs.
_________
HEADCANNON ABOUT TERUKO'S ABILITY
Her forms, that makes her older, require great amount of energy. Teruko can maintain them for a few hours, but, after that, she will "reduce" to her normal age and will need time to be able to use her ability again.
_________
You helped to find the compromise.
Teruko helps you with training, and she is a good couch. So, you decided to use Internet.
Teruko will go to school. But, she will also use her ability, make herself older, and film training routine videos. Then videos will be uploaded. This way, Teruko can have a "more or less" fine childhood and not feel like a burden.
______
6. He is. Sigma is quite happy to be a detective. But, if in Reader's country casinos are legal, Sigma also might open one.
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lutawolf · 2 days
Note
Hi Luta, if you don't mind answering, what do you think attracted Joe to Ming? And how much does their D/s vibe play into it? I'd love to hear your perspective.
Hey nonnie!!!
Let's go back to episode one and examine this together. I will be utilizing excerpts from the book to showcase inner thoughts, but I will refrain from divulging any spoilers from the book.
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I will skip the entire part about awakening from a coma. Instead, let's start where Joe first encountered Ming's poster. I am beginning here in order to provide quotation from the book and provide a comprehension of Joe's inner thoughts.
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I wanted to share this because I think it shows how Joe feels about Ming and also reminds us that for him, this is still fresh. Everyone else's world kept revolving, but for Joe, he was just on the phone with Ming. Those emotions have yet to be addressed, and we are currently adding additional complications to the situation.
Now to the elevator scene where Ming and Joe meet.
“The elevator door opened completely. The man standing in front of him is the man on the LED commercial that day. He is only 23 years old and is already well known to half of the world. He is the mighty movie star that no one dared to approach, YanMingXiu. YanMingXiu had gotten older. ZhouXiang's memory of him is still a person who is in the teenager phase, one who likes to wear sportswear and jeans. His entire person exuded youthfulness and a flamboyant aura. The YanMingXiu of today is wearing a casual suit, looking calm and restrained. His expression seems to have solidified on his face but looking icy.
ZhouXiang had been in the entertainment industry for nearly ten years. He had seen all kind of beauties, but no matter whether it was three years ago or now, he always felt that YanMingXiu's appearance is most perfect. He doesn't know how God crafted him out so finely and superbly that it's not a surprise that millions of spectators would be awed by him. Even he, who believes that he had encountered many beautiful people, is also fascinated by YanMingXiu.
In his mind, there was no way he could suppress the memories between him and YanMingXiu. From the time when he and YanMingXiu met to the last phone call they had, it was merely a years' time from beginning to end. However, to him, those memories were too recent. This feeling is very strange. It was like he only saw the person last week, and he was still a teenager, but this week, he had become a man. To him, the two years in between were completely blank. The two years had changed everyone and changed many things. Except for him, he not only lost two years of time, but he was forced to accept the changes that occurred in the past two years.”
For fun, I'll give you Ming's thoughts.
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Both of their inner thoughts have now been seen. We are aware that both individuals are in love with each other. Now from when? From the show, we know that Ming fell in love with Joe's back right away. But what about Joe?
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The show did an impressive job of capturing the book here, but the show changes from the book when Ming simply walks away.
I, personally, feel they still captured the fact that Joe was smitten, but in the book, we see Joe being unable to take his eyes off Ming. From the book, I know that he even wanted to go over and talk to him. So from the beginning, Ming captivated Joe. He is immediately drawn to his beauty. Which is fair considering we all know that Ming loves Joe's back. He is hostile initially to Joe for the reason that he can't understand why he is drawn to Joe when he is clearly in love with Tong.
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I thoroughly enjoy the car scene. Joe is accustomed to being able to charm people, but this beautiful boy is not paying him any attention. Regardless of the efforts made by him. Yet, just when he is starting to get discouraged, Ming surprises him. Inviting himself to Joe's home.
“Zhou Xiang felt a bit bored seeing Yan Mingxiu's cold and detached attitude. Although he was itching to sound Yan Mingxiu out, he could tell Yan Mingxiu was completely uninterested in him. Even if Yan Mingxiu was gay, what did it matter? Being homosexual wasn't anything special. If two men liked the look of each other, both would have realized already. Who had the patience to unearth if the other person was beautiful inside? Even though Zhou Xiang felt that it was a pity, he wasn't a petty person. Being able to accompany such an unrivalled beauty on the way home in a traffic jam under the heavy rain was already very wonderful. He'll just make do with sexually fantasizing about him in his head. He should tightly zip his mouth, behave, and drive the car to avoid annoying him.”
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Okay, so from everything I've shown you. You can clearly see that Joe has a submissive personality.
The sexual scene in the show effectively showcases their mutual sexual attraction. However, the scene itself doesn't match up with what is in the book. Having said that, I believe that the show aligns more closely with their individual traits, and I found that I liked it more than the book.
Okay, back to the show. Ming being aggressive is a turn on for Joe. It allows him the opportunity to not think. He has been making his own choices for a long time, so this is a chance for him to relax. That however doesn't extend to letting Ming top without first mentally preparing for it.
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Joe immediately rejects Ming, going home. Why? Because he is tired of being alone. So Joe cooks and feeds Ming. As Joe begins to care and charm Ming, the attraction between the two builds. Both individuals experiencing a diminished sense of loneliness. Please keep in mind that Ming has lived abroad for years, with only the occasional visits from his family. He is just as lonely as Joe.
“After the meal, YanMingXiu continued to watch TV while ZhouXiang went to clean up the kitchen.
After cleaning up, ZhouXiang brought out the dessert and tea. He had not entertained anyone in his home for a long time. He rarely had people over. Even if he brought back anyone; they certainly wouldn't sit down to have tea and chat.
Although it is a pity that he and YanMingXiu couldn't achieve the goal (sex), sitting and chatting with him on this rainy night is quite romantic, so ZhouXiang's mood has been good.”
Moving on to the scene of the one on the floor and the other on the bed. Notice the threat that gets Joe on the bed with Ming. Joe had just pointed out that a man like him cannot sleep on the floor, so Ming told him to get up here, or he would get on the floor. Joe immediately gives in to the pressure.
The thought of being Joe's first means something to Ming, but he warns Joe. Ming isn't a nice person, but he can be unexpectedly kind, but Joe wants Ming. Take a look at his face after he has tucked Ming in. He is content because he is not sleeping alone. He has a beautiful boy beside him, that seems to need him as much as he needs to care for someone.
So why do they like each other? They are both physically attracted to each other, and one prefers to be commanded, while the other enjoys commanding. One needs to be able to take care of someone, and the other expects others to take care of him. Add in the fact that they're both lonely, and somehow Joe was able to sneak past Ming's intimidating walls of mistrust to ease his loneliness.
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There you have it, this is what my opinion any ways. Sorry it got so long, nonnie. It just kind of happened. 💜💜💜
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rius-cave · 2 days
Note
I just saw you mention Adam having PTSD from the exterminations and honestly it's so valid. He did enjoy doing them, he did have fun, yes, but I firmly believe he started it because of his unprocessed trauma that he wasn't even aware of. I mean, I see the way he's masking himself (literally and figuratively) as a way of protecting himself from people. Back when he was "born" he was literally rejected and betrayed by the very people he supposedly loved and who were supposed to love him, then he was practically abandoned and thrown out of Eden by the same people who mentally harmed him in the first place. This guy is badly damaged and no one can convince me otherwise. And he was damaged from the start so he couldn't possibly realize that something was very not okay because these were the very first people he knew. And we all know pushing down our feelings and ignoring them comes with concequences. In his case, the frustration manifested in violence, on top of that violence against his own descendants who chose the wrong path, who had tainted humanity with their acts. He also probably connects them with Lilith and Lucifer who caused it in the first place, bringing evil to the earth. I also love to consider the extermination as a form of personal revenge on Adam's side, since he isn't able to carry out a direct revenge it serves as one for him.
But he knows it's wrong. He knows either way that what he's doing is bad and cruel, and even if he actively avoids admitting that to himself, he subconsciously knows.
Then he gets to Hell. He most likely only used to visit Hell during exterminations, which means his brain most likely strongly connects the place with that. Hence, being in Hell is a constant reminder for him. On top of that, he actually sees what life is like in Hell. That all those "bad bad sinners who can't change and tainted humanity" aren't all bad actually. And perhaps he doesn't care about them, but I don't think he could just ignore that. He has to live among them, he sees the way they live and he's forced to realize that they're still human souls and not pure evil and rotten. It will add to the guilt which he probably also doesn't admit that he feels, because he didn't do anything wrong, right..? Everything was reasonable... But then why does it feel so bad?
Okay this turned our very very long but it just hit me and I could still go on about it lol, I'll spare you from that
First of all, thank you anon for putting into words this thing that I'm not smart enough to do myself.
I really wouldn't dare to say that "canon" Adam is this deep and has oh such big trauma and is only misunderstood by everyone and bla bla, because if I'm honest, the way he's written in the show doesn't lead me to believe that Vivzie really cares about fleshing him out to be a super complex character. And hey, fair enough, I'm taking him from her anyway lol.
But if if we stopped for a second to think about it, Adam definitely has the potential to be a much deeper and complex character that would be able to touch upon themes like this. I desperately need to know when did everything go wrong, was it really Eden? Was it during his time on Earth? Was it after he died???
I honestly think it's kind of a mix of all of them, but the biggest shift was after he died. He was the first human soul in Heaven, hey, it's not so bad in here!! Maybe his suffering on Earth was worth it after all if he was able to spend the rest of Eternity in a place like this! Now he just needs to wait for his family to get there as well so it can all be complete!
Except they don't, not all of them in fact. A couple of his sons, maybe or maybe not his wife, but it's definitely not ALL of them, where is everybody!? He's pretty sure his grandchildren would start aging by now too, where did everybody go!?
Of course, that asshole has them. It wasn't enough for him to steal his first wife and lie to them so they'd get kicked out of Eden, he also took a bunch of his children, his grandchildren, his great grandchildren and so on and so on.
Look at everything they do on Earth, it's disgusting, and it's all that fucker's fault. None of this would've happened if it wasn't for him, if it wasn't for the other sinners who kept repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
And he starts the exterminations after centuries of wallowing in that hatred. But of course, they're only the result of years of watching how everyone just eventually leaves him. And he doesn't realize when that violence starts becoming just a way to cope with his intense hurt.
I feel like I went a little off track there, forgive me I am a little scatterbrained right now. But in any case, I absolutely concur with you!
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ojamayellow · 2 days
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Earthspark spoilers. It's time for my opinions and theories.
Before I start, I am aware of the writers changing. I will put that into consideration in this. And for the record, I did enjoy Season 2 so far, but I admit it has nothing on S1 for now.
First two episodes were really good, I loved the Breakdad moments, I love Aftermath and we get a glimpse on how the Decepticons have been operating. 2nd episode with the Quintesson gave us some lore and suspense, and I always love a Mo and Thrash tag team. These episodes felt... right for Earthspark, but not as Season 2 starters? If that makes sense.
Hashtag's alt mode is neat, but I miss her chunkiness in robot mode. Made her feel more distinct you know? But I'm with the others saying VAL being an AI in Hashtag's mind is really weird considering what Mandroid did. Maybe she's coping? I have a theory that this VAL might be manipulated in a future episode to control Hashtag, but for the sake of Hashtag's well-being, I HOPE this doesn't happen. (Also, hi Shockwave).
Carnival episode. Is Schloder reduced to an incidental now? I hope not and that he becomes important as well. But also, I figure its a traveling carnival/circus, which makes sense to why we haven't seen this Fairemaestro before, and the little interaction with Swindle shows up 'oh yeah he's a bad guy' already. But you can't just tease a GIANT COSMOS-LOOKING RIDE AND THEN 'OH BTW ITS COSMOS' LAST FEW MINUTES. If Cosmos doesn't show up in later episodes I'll be so disappointed, like...it's freakin' Cosmos! <-Perfect design though. *chef kiss*
I do think the Robby crush on Izzy was cute, but it being involved with the plot felt....eh? It was like, nothingburger to me.
JBAM episode. I LOVED THEM. Jawbreaker has clearly gotten more comfortable with himself and such since Grimlock, but him not taking a hint from Aftermath (who was being direct) reminds me of my younger self. <-Was an insane chatterbox and would not shut up no matter what was said to me.
But the contaminated energon stuff like, yeah callback to that weird bear. Sorry if I forgot, but back in S1, was there a reason GHOST was just leaving it around? I don't remember. And what's with the horrific energon mushrooms, and those poor animals? I know people who are going to be turned off from this show just from that alone, but at least it's 'off screen'? But also Aftermath betraying Jawbreaker hurts, I was hoping he'd like, impress Breakdown with the stolen water BUT NOPE, NO MORE AFTERMATH AND BREAKDAD STUFF. (I know Aftermath was like, not 'what did you just call me' when he was called Son but, cmon!!)
Spitfire episode. I personally think this episode went hard. Gave me Sonic VS Metal Sonic vibes. The fight scenes were really done well, and the tension was so good! To me, Spitfire wanted to be superior but felt inferior when not chosen for the mission, so that desire to be the best consumed her. I'm personally a big fan of this episode, and Alex is awesome. And so was Spitfire, I'm kinda obsessed with her.
Bodyswap episode. Always love a good bodyswap scenario, but somehow this felt... weak. It's plausible for the others to believe Spitfire (as Twitch) had a scrambled processor from the previous episode BUT the fact Wheeljack was the first to catch on? Before a Malto? I'm SO GLAD they referred to Dad2 again but, IDK, feels... strange to me.
Trailer episode. Was kinda nothingburger again? It felt like they needed to add SOMETHING before the horrors of the final two episodes, but maybe I just need to re-watch it because I didn't feel much from it. Optimus was clearly getting aggravated and uncomfortable, which was making me uncomfortable. But also, OPLITA? COMPLICATED? If they don't ever bring this up again I might be a bit...bitter.
And finally, the Witwicky 2-Parter. My anxiety was through the roof here, but I also kinda figured it out early that a Titan was involved. Was still surprised though, and her design is awesome?! But what was making me panic more than anything was Hashtag was going to see Starscream. Yes I know, a one-episode bond may not mean much, but we all had hopes, yeah? Anyway, I love nasty bitch Starscream. It's what makes him Starscream. And I do think what he did was in-character. But it would feel off if Earthspark was someone's introduction to Starscream, you know? This specific one, who's attitude told the audience 'I hate Megatron he abused me so I'd be a better leader than him'. But also...
The scene with him killing the Chaos Terrans was a fucking horror movie. It does a lot when I am SCARED OF STARSCREAM. I wish he didn't do it, but he also needed the shards. If the Autobots/Maltos needed the shards from the Terrans, how would they do it? Would they hesitate to find a safer way to keep the Chaos Terrans alive? Or would there be some sort of urgency? It really makes me think, but Starscream wanted those shards ASAP, he does what he need to do to get what he wants, he's Starscream. A manipulative, traitorous bitch who almost never gets his way in the end.
But you might be wondering, "Kit did you feel like the character development was thrown away for Starscream?" Well, yes and no.
It's really upsetting how Starscream twisted his advice to Hashtag. Truly upsetting. But it also does feel like something a Starscream would do. I keep flip-flopping between "yeah this makes sense" and "um what the FUCK writers". See what I mean by "yes and no?" And Hashtag calling Starscream worse than Megatron AND Screamer taking it as a compliment? Again, very Starscream thing to do, but I think ES! Starscream should've been at least a bit offended?! And out of all bots to call him the worst... Why did it have to be Hashtag? I guess it has more 'meaning', but still...
My theory (or moreso, hopeful thinking) is that Starscream re-invented his advice to Hashtag so he could get detached from her. Starscream had a mission, a personal selfish goal, and he needed to take care of HIMSELF, no friendship. Only comrades willing to follow him, and the Maltos were not those comrades.
My other theory (which I gained from seeing someone on twitter saying this) is that the Chaos Terrans DIDN'T GREY OUT FROM DEATH. Therefore, there is a chance they can return. Maybe something from the Allspark or Matrix or some kinda macguffin will help?! And I sure hope they come back, because they could learn to be good (but still cheeky) and we can bring back the messages and theming from Season 1! Right, right?
As for 'Starscream the child killer'...look, it's upsetting I know. But like I said, selfish goals. And while I am not familiar with every Starscream from different canons, I've met enough versions. Other Starscreams have have committed war crimes, blew up a human hospital, threatened to kill innocents, committed war crimes, wanted to kill everyone to end a war, squished humans in his servos... (yes I know Skybound is more for an adult audience than kids but I'm just saying). War crimes. I am not excusing Starscream's actions here, but when he needs something, he'll do what it takes to get it, for his own selfish goals. It makes sense but I also feel its wrong and I agree with other fans who were quite upset with this scenario. If the Chaos Terrans don't come back I'll be really sad.
Again, I've considered the fact this show has new writers, which is unfortunate. I saw someone on here say that Season 2 (so far) feels like a bootlegged version of S1, which is how I feel about it. I did enjoy the episodes, but they were a bit messy. Also, the lack of Nightshade and honorary family member Bumblebee really made me sad. Was it a script decision, or could they not afford Danny Pudi enough because they used the money on the new cast like Flea? (Don't quote me on like, celebrity net worth here). The lack of Nightshade though is very suspicious though, considering how big of a deal it was for them to exist as a non-binary character.
Side note, Shockwave. I'm glad he finds Cybertron itself more important than creating a New Cybertron, it feels right for him to not care about Earth. But if he going to attempt to lead now? Or something?
If you read this, thanks! If you have any responses feel free to reply or reblog. Feel free to reblog in general, I love hearing opinions and such.
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s0lar-ch3ri · 2 days
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Paranomally Hotline #1: Introduction
Many people have their own beliefs. They follow in their own superstitions, read about all kinds of monsters, and we hear about new creations of creatures and places daily. Inspired from already set up and built legends, or entirely original myth, you may have made some ideas yourself. At the very least, you've heard of one. However, to the average person, a myth is all they remain.
Sometimes though, the average person isn't so lucky, and stumble apon a truth: these "tall tales" are fact, not fiction, and could come for you at anytime. With the knowledge that these creatures exist, surviving them can be difficult when nobody you turn to has an idea of what you're facing.
Not, unless, you're calling the Paranomally Hotline.
Specialized in dealing with all entities and creatures of out this world, the Paranomally Hotline believes those who call and will help guide you to safety. Available whenever you need (some places may have more or less then 24 hours available), someone skilled and trained for your kind of situation is there to talk to.
If you don't know who to call, ring the numbers-
"God damn, they play whatever on these fuckin things." A man, appearing about mid 30s, turns the TV off. He gets ready for work, brushing his teeth and getting food to eat. He waves goodbye to his wife, a woman with black hair, and walks into the busy sidewalks. Walking among the people, bag on his side, he keeps going until he reaches a corner.
The scene has changed. As he turns this corner, he runs, panicked, running out of breath. He can't run forever, and hiding feels like a death trap. A creature roars out behind him, and all he wants is to go home, back before this happened.
"Someone please come save me, Lord I beg of you now, spare my soul of this fate just a bit longer," he mutters to himself as he slips into an alleyway. Through his panicked thoughts, something slips into his mind, a crystal clear one: a phone number. As he turns on his phone, which he wasn't even aware still had battery, already has a number put in. Not in a state to question it, he hurriedly rings it.
"Hello, you've reached the Paranominally Hotline, here to help with all entities and paranormals, what's got your ghost?"
"Y-you gotta help me! Th-there's a- a thing! And it's chasing me! And- and- I just want to go home, see my wife again!"
"That's what we're going to do. Now, to help figure out how I can assist you, I'll need you to answer a couple questions. First, do you believe you are still in our world, or does it seem home to somewhere else?"
"Wha-what are y- Yeah, no, it- it's all red- the sky- and it's bleeding- oh my god I didn't notice, it's fucking bleeding- I gotta get out of here-"
"Alright, let's keep a level head sir. When did you get here, and if you remember, how?"
He jumped, hearing a loud roar from this creature. "T-today, maybe 3-30 minutes, 25, gi-give or take. I went into the closet at my job and- look, can we hurry this up? There's s-something ch-ch-chasing me, and I think it's going to k-kill me."
"Alright. This is a very necessary procress, but I have an idea on how to help. Can you make it back to where this closet was?"
"Th-that's the way the monster i- you're trying to fucking kill me!"
"Sir, please. I'm trying to get you home. If you can make it over, and I'm thinking of the right thing, grab the string of the lamp above and pull it to turn off the light."
"No- why should I fucking trust yo-"
Another roar plays out. It's closer.
"...Are-"
"If I’m fucking killed, call my wife and tell her I love her."
"Of course."
The man breaks into a sprint and heads out. His legs are aching, but he has to make it, he has to. Looking straight ahead, he goes straight past the beast, about 30 feet tall and blurry as it roars again, following behind. The man begins to silently sob as he sees the building he exited from up ahead. Running inside, he closes the door of the strange building and locks it as best as he can. He runs down a hallway, where a brown closet door awaits him. It's a dingy closet, brown shelves and a blue school chair. Nothing more or less. He slams the door shut as he hears breakage outside and the loud stomps of feet. Muttering a prayer, he grabs the string of the closet's lightbulb and yanks it down as hard as he can.
Everything goes black, but he finds himself on the floor of the closet. It's a storage one, filled with boxes and shelf racks, the same one he walked into, although one of the shelves has been knocked over just inches from where he once laid unconscious. As he questions what just happened, the reality of what he just faced, he hears his phone hang up, the caller name showing.
The Paranominally Hotline.
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claraameliapond · 7 months
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Gerald Kaufman speech
youtube
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dennisboobs · 1 year
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my favourite thing about the always sunny podcast is listening to rcg all say something extremely neurodivergent and then agree amongst themselves and convince themselves its completely normal
#and to be clear im not diagnosing them charlie said he wasn't neurotypical#like deadass i think. the reason some of their writers just completely botch the gang's motivations/dialogue sometimes is bc at their core#these characters are all. SO autistic. which inevitably leads to them being misunderstood by others outside their group#whether rcg realizes it or not they inject this very specific vibe of neurodivergence into the gang#and its why they will just. argue over inconsequential details bc they Need to be understood completely#they can't just drop it unless they are crystal fucking clear#imo the biggest mistake other writers make is thinking that the gang is completely desensitized when its more like#they just don't react the way you would expect#which is often... adjacent to that but still distinct. and its trauma that influences this as well#the gang does not believe they themselves are 'bad people'. theyre most often oblivious to the fact that the things they do are insane#rob saying he doesnt pick up on social cues and then going on to argue in circles with glenn#i dont think last week was anything crazy but i think. rob doesn't know when to let up. which is a problem that *i* have#and while it comes across as being confrontational in an 'im right youre wrong' way i dont think its driven by ego here#just like with how as they said mac and dennis are making up while chucking bread rolls at each other#on both sides its frustration at being misunderstood#but they are all similar enough that even if they disagree over small details theyre usually on the same page. and this can be beneficial!!#thats the conclusion of the ep!!!! whether its suggesting smoking to cancel out the toxic apple skin or suggesting words u cant think of#glenn said he was upset about feeling misrepresented and picked on#dennis gets angry for those exact reasons in.... ALL of his big rage scenes#its frustration that leads to anger because youre speaking to (another) brick wall and you can't adequately explain yourself#which. glenn is clearly more competent than dennis & i think a lot of the time in sunny the gang is WAY more obtuse for the sake of comedy#but its interesting to watch the dynamic because as charlie said last week#they are mac and dennis (especially when theyre fighting)#i just think.. they are in a semi-unique position to understand this because this is how they are. while several other writers do not get i#ada speaks#untagged
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the-lark-ascending69 · 2 months
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> be a robin buckley fan
> be lesbian
> project on robin
> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic
> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve
#saw one in which steve was like ''no robin you don't understand! i have never been loved! i don't know how that feels like!''#i have several grips about that interpretation#going from the fact that's not true (dustin is clearly a big steve fan + robin herself cares about him deeply)#to the fact he probably wouldn't be introspective enough to voice his emotions this concisely not to mention he'd probably wouldn't take#a moment to realize he's never felt loved if that were the case. i mean. he could think that. when he's like 35 and more in touch with his#inner world. 19yo steve can't even get the hint that hitting on a girl who's already clearly taken (nancy) is wrong so like i don't expect#him to be that smart#but i can live with people having takes i don't agree with. my opinion doesn't have to be everyone else's opinion if you see steve that way#it fine#what bothered me was the fact he was saying this to a lesbian living in the 80s lmao#who tells him that 1) her whole life has been an error 2) she doesn't think he'd want to be close to her if he truly knew her and 3)#3) is paralyzed by fear of social suicide if she dares believe for even a second that the girl she likes may like her too#like i dont need people to do deep dives into robin lore and quote from memory lines from Surviving Hawkins abt robin feeling like she's#rotten inside. not supposed to have friends. feeling like something is wrong with her and that pushes people away etc etc#the fact that she's a lesbian should tell you enough abt who has the biggest chances of being loved 😭#also bothered me that it showed up when looking up posts abt internalized homophobia because?? where's the internalized homophobia therw#unless it's gay steve feeling bad abt it in an AU (as if canon robin didn't go through it)#like look im not bothered to find steve-centric content in the robin tag cos people are gonna tag her in posts mentioning her.#she's his friend.#but there are barely any posts at all about robin's internalized homophobia. like i saw 2 or 3. compared to all the steve or steddie ones#where's the love for my babygirl 😭😭#anti steddie#not really but y'know i don't wanna bother anyone#edit: the bit about there being like 3 posts on robin w internalized homophobia isn't exactly true. there are a few. but they still feel#drowned in st3ddie posts#like something isn't right here
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draco-renn · 13 days
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Man. All I do these days is fail to meet expectations and then get upset at myself for failing to meet those expectations. This sucks.
#the dragon sings his songs#blowing out smoke#i'm supposed to be taking this break from my course as an opportunity to do the things I've been meaning to do and I've just been rotting—#—in bed on my phone and sleeping in and jacking off like i hardly even get up to eat or go to the bathroom#side note i know this is a textbook sign of depression and burnout (comma) most likely both (comma) but who in my Chinese family is going—#—to believe that? def not mom who'll just scream at me for not sucking it up and pushing through it and not dad who won't do shit#my grandparents might believe me but there's a language barrier on mom's side plus 公公 seems to think I'm the perfect infallible capable—#—[granddaughter] and I can't bear to break his heart with the truth#and then on dad's side they'll probably be sympathetic but everything i tell them makes its way back to my parents and that'll just result—#—in ont huge blowup that'll drive another wedge between mom and dad. and I mean PLEASE hurry up and get divorced but I also don't want 爺爺—#—and 嫲嫲 to get caught in the crossfire#plus I'm supposed to be helping them esp now that 爺爺 is running out of time as an active able-bodied person but instead of doing that I—#—spent all day in bed. which is not helping my guilt and shame on top of everything else i have to deal with (comma) let alone his workload#today's such a nice sunny beautiful day too which makes me feel even worse for not even going for a walk or anything#it's still light out so i could but sunk cost fallacy is kicking my ass plus i have Mandarin class kn a couple hours#and k know it's a couple HOURS but I'd have to get dressed and set a timer and everything and just the thought is so overwhelming that I—#—just can't. i'd ask to be institutionalized if it wasn't for the rampant ableism in the mental health field plus the fact that—#—institutionalization is just an extension of incarceration#if only the people who have power over me would just listen and actually take care of me so i wouldn't have pushed myself to this point
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magentagalaxies · 2 months
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#this might be both oversharing and being too vague rn but it's 2am and i'm emotionally exhausted#i can't believe during one of the most traumatic moments i've had in the past year i was lucky enough to have scott as my biggest supporter#the entire time as i was going through it he was so supportive giving me space to process shit and always having my back#and yet there are some people in my life who are always going to villainize him for one comment he said during that time out of context#or even if they're not ''villainizing'' him i now feel like i have to begin every sentence about scott with#''yeah we don't agree on everything but we're still friends and isn't that amazing!''#which yeah that is true and i do genuinely enjoy when scott and i disagree and are respectful about it#BUT WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE THE FIRST THING I SAY ABOUT HIM????#and honestly that whole experience made me agree with scott on way more than i started out with#i'm proud of how i was able to grow as a person and for the fact that it brought me and scott much closer together#but that shit i went through at my college was still traumatic. and it did change me as a person#it completely changed my relationship to activism in a way i'm not happy about bc i want to be more of an activist#but when i had someone use social justice language to justify horrible things against me it's hard not to be wary#of how hollow and performative a lot of conversations can be#and like i'll even say it. like people might get mad at me for admitting it#but that whole traumatic situation has irrevocably changed my relationship to gender as well#or at least how i label myself and how i move through these conversations#and in some ways i'm grateful for it bc i do feel like i know myself more and like i don't have to worry about what others' think#or even what other people understand#but it shouldn't have had to go down like that. and as much as the time i got to spend with scott during that time was so much fun#and such a great experience and he was truly the perfect support system during that time#he shouldn't have had to deal with that and neither should i#and the fact that scott somehow got villainized in some people's minds while the person who actually caused that trauma#is instead treated like ''yeah he was a bit misguided and made a mistake but he was probably anxious about it!! he's just a person!!''#that's never going to stop being painful. especially the idea that with the importance people put on labels#i would supposedly have more ''community solidarity'' with that asshole than a cis gay man like scott#idk i think i'm past the timeframe of that traumatic experience bc it's not consuming every day like it used to a few weeks back#but something triggered it tonight so i just need to process it. anyway shoutout to scott for being there for me i really needed it
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alexjcrowley · 3 months
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New dad lore unlocked, what the fuck do you mean your friend knew Luca di Montezemolo so you did a test drive with a Ferrari once
#begging my dad to stop being so much cooler than me#me: I get into f1#dad: Have I ever told you about that time I drove a Ferrari on Circuito di Fiorano#f1#formula 1#ferrari#luca di montezemolo#I guess#my dad if I ever became religious: Have I told you about that time I met God#me at 21: maybe vroom vroom cars can bring me out of depression#my dad at (almost) 60: oh yes minor anectodote I met the guy Niki Lauda won two championship with#I can't stress enough how this is so fucking unreal my family does not come even close to the kind of money LdM makes#We are NOT the kind of people who would casually hang with a millionaire#Also I genuinely believe my dad's friend must have been sketchy to know LdM#I also feel like I can never read my two eye anymore like even the tag of an ao3 fic with Luca di Montezemolo#'Luca di Montezemolo/Niki Lauda' you mean my dad's friend's friend?????????#now I feel like I have a weird distant relationship with this guy#like I know I don't know him and maybe it's my problem that I think of old formula 1 people like that#but I sort of divorce mentally from the fact that old formula 1 grid are actual people they're like distant characters from a complex#mythology#and now I feel like if I was a paesant in ancient Greece and my dad just told me he partied with Dionysius once#does it make sense#rip LdM I don't feel comfortable watching your pictures from the 70s thinking slay twink anymore#I will miss saying you have American Next Top Model hips#do you think it's ethically correct to objectify some twink from the 70s if your dad met him#I know he is still alive now and he's old and stuff I don't care there ard two Luce di Montezemolo in my head one is the one still alive#and I don't give a fuck about him the other is still photogtaph from the 70s and gives me gender envy
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trans-leek-cookie · 11 months
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someone talking about the ways media and common tropes/depictions of things that are either explicitly or implicitly linked to marginalized people are demonized and presented badly is not a fucking opportunity for you to flex how you're doing it Differently And Better
#I'll rb the post but I domt want to add it on cause it feels. Not my place maybe#Anyway fun fact! You can think that all you fucking want! Close your God damn mouth about it and figure out if it actually adds to the#Conversation! Marginalized ppl don't have to hear about how you're hashtag Not Like The Others!!! TAKE IN THE INFORMATION AND CONSIDER IF#THE THINGS YOU DO TRULY DEFY STEREOTYPES OR ARE STILL IMPLICITLY INSPIRED BY THESE BIASES!!! AND DO IT QUIETLY OR WITH SOMEONE WHOS WILLING#TO LISTEN! NOT ON THE POST INFORMING YOU OF THE PROBLEMS EXISTENCE#Also I'd move this tag up but genuinely idk if I can do that atm. But I'm LITERALLY guilty of the same shit. I immediately jump to no true#Scotsman the subject because I want to defend it!!! Yes I recognize the pattern is wrong and yes I genuinely believe it isn't necessarily#Inherent! But I still have to confront the fact that it's so prominent and to many people inseparable from the subject#(That being disability and body horror). I will say: my immediate instinct was to disregard any body horror that is just like Real Shit Tha#Happens To People as body horror but that's not helpful! I can't just say well it's not body horror BECAUSE PEOPLE STILL CALL AND SEE IT AS#BODY HORROR!!! I HAVE TO STOP AND CONSIDER THE LARGER IMPLICATIONS. My PERSONAL OPINIONS do not matter and the pedantic discussion is#Something to be had with friends or used as it's own criticism of the genre not ON THE POST CALLING OUT A REAL ISSUE! Anyway just.#Both artists and consumers have to be critical of What we see as body horror/what others tell us is body horror/what we accept as body#Horror bc/what we create as body horror etc. We NEED to confront that and we can't just say I Wouldn't Do That! We need to understand that#It goes deeper than that!!! Also YOU DONT INHERENTLY KNOW WHATS POSSIBLE FOR A HUMAN TO EXPERIENCE#There's so many things that ppl can experience and Live With! There are obviously things that are fatal so u rarely hear abt them but human#Beings can survive a lot of things!!! And here's the thing: the rarer something is the shittier it feels to have it misrepresented!!!#At the very basic level: CHECK IF THE THING YOU WANT TO USE AS BODY HORROR IS A RECORDED PHENOMENON AT LEAST!!! FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK#DO THE BARE MINIMUM
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jacksintention · 1 year
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At times I can be wrong of course, but often I think it's so obvious that someone's view on a character or story (and most of the time lack of sympathy/understanding) is caused by a lack of personal experience
#I notice this with depressive characters‚ mistreated characters‚ revengeful characters and especially suicidal characters#I saw someone's post about how they are very prosaic and can't see Hea.thclif.f as anything but a (fascinating) villain and like...#I would have my suspicions but in this particular case I know for a fact that person has a good relationship with her parents#She was never mistreated in her own home#The steps of her parents didn't make her shiver. She was never hit or insulted or humiliated#Her parents' influence in her life is positive. They worked to help her achieve her goals and supported her#I don't know... It sure is a change. I can't see Hea.thclif.f's actions as just villainous or unjustified even if they're awful#In his case there's also a component of racism. Even if he takes revenge also on the kids of the people that hurt him‚#I still can't see it as entirely baseless or unjustified or 'beyond limits'. Maybe they're not actively to blame for what happened to him#But they passively participate in it. They are part of what hurt him. They *are* what hurt him. Even beyond being 'the kids of'#And He.ath.cli.ff himself was a blameless kid when most things happened to him. Is he terrible at that point to the kids? Yes#But I can't see him just as a fascinating villain and I can't see that his actions go beyond what's 'right' or 'fair'#I too would want to make my parents' life a living hell until the day they died if I didn't have younger siblings idk xD#Anyway I often feel this happens with people's perception of many characters in this manga. Such as Vincent#But Lacie too and I'd say mainly Jack#It doesn't mean a lack of experience makes a character impossible to be understood or even understood well. I don't believe that#But I do think often readers fall into a misunderstanding or bafflement or lack of sympathy (or excessive sympathy) for a few characters#because of this‚ because they lack some experiences. Maybe it's because they just go with vibes#Although often even after analysing they just reach conclusions that are so lacking of certain emotions that still I think they're telling#of their lack of sympathy and personal experience. This person analyses and reads W.uther.ing H.eigh.ts constantly for example#She doesn't go just on vibes like when people just claim 'Jack is nuts'#I guess her approach more like that one post about how Jack is a symbol of depression and many others analysing him#Oouf Jack analysis is so bad as a whole I'd rather stop thinking about it haha#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#I remember once I was trying to have a conversation about Jack‚ how he behaved around people and how it was linked to his past experiences#But mainly about his complex relationships with Laci.e and Oswald (which included some talk on sexuality)#and how I find them very coherent and tbh realistic and natural given the context‚ and in many ways very relatable#And that person's reply was 'okay but Jack's a sociopath and that kind of behaviour in any way and degree is sociopathic'#Like idk. Okay I guess
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sherlock-is-ace · 1 year
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#midnight thoughts before going to bed (feel free to ignore)#but today i realized two major things about myself and my mental illness#1. i was reminded that when you have an anxiety disorder your body has a hard time telling the difference between anxiety and excitement#and suddenly my whole life made sense lol#the amount of times i didn't do something that i really wanted to do because it caused me MAJOR anxiety#and it was probably excitement actually but my body went into full fight or flight mode#and 2. i realized that my masking is actually causing me physical pain#like this is of course of i am actually autistic. i still feel like i can't say i am cause i have no right you know?#but objectively i'm like 98% sure i have autism#ANYWAYS masking is usually just forcing eye contact or not stiming in public (as much)#but today i realized that when i hear loud noises or too many at the same time my instinct is to cover my ears#but i don't because that's ''weird'' or will make people ask questions that i don't really know how to answer#so i don't cover my ears i just sit through it in actual pain and hope for the best#and the worst part of this is that when i say ''masking in public'' i mean in my own damn home#because of my mom and the fact that she doesn't believe i have issues#i think it's my fault tho i shouldn't have mentioned my self diagnosis while we were watcing the good doctor (and later attorney woo)#because those two are her only reference for what autism is/looks like and i'm not like that#i mean for the most part... the good doctor was the reason i realize i might be autistic#and woo's struggle with revolving doors hit a bit too close to my heart lol#but anyways...#i need to deal with my out of control anxiety#and i'm pretty sure i am autistic...#those are the conclusions of this post lol#angel talks#personal
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