#I also don't have a beta reader... I read it to myself so many times and also use Grammarly to help improve my writing and spelling
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Sinner Adam X Pastry Chef, Seraphim Male Reader.
Ok so Adam after the events of season one becomes a sinner.
But his boyfriend who sneaks out of heaven to find him and he does just that. And thankfully he did find him before he did something stupid.
Like going to the hotel he just attacked for protection from everyone who wants him dead. Who's inhabitants also want him dead.
But Reader knows he can't bring Adam up to heaven cause that goes against the rules. So he does the next best thing!
He opens a bakery in hell! Which doubles as a house. Don't question it, it's heavenly magic bullshit.
So now Him and Adam run a bakery with the help of Lute and a couple of exorcists who drop by from time to time.
Ohhhh I fucking love that, them just owning a little bakery in hell that's heaven themed and gives the vibes and is all beautiful. Also reader throwing away everything just to be with Adam? Me. I'd do that.
I'll meet you in hell
pairing: Adam x male!reader
warnings: language, mentions & symptoms of depression
note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers
“We have to send our people down there and look for him,” you explained, hoping the other angels in the court would agree. Panic has flooded your eyes and your body language was a little too over the top because of that. Adam was down there, the projection of hell's current state had shown it, the first man was wandering through hell's streets, he was badly injured and had no shelter.
“No, we won't put our people at risk for a sinner,” Sera spoke highly, her chin tilted upwards so that she had to look down on you. “A sinner?” you asked, horrified by her choice of words - it's not that she wasn't wrong, Adam was walking through hell as a newborn sinner, “He’s still our first man!” But your statement was only met by shaking heads and mumbling that sounded a little too close to disagreement. With pleading eyes you looked up to Sera, Emily by her side. The little seraphim was talking to her sister quietly, so quiet that it was inaudible for you and the other angels in court.
“We have come to the decision,” Sera adjusted her posture as she turned towards you, “We can't risk the well-being of our people and therefore the well-being of heaven for the first man. He is not important enough to take that risk.” The panic that had been filling your eyes was replaced by pain and betrayal. The other seraphims had betrayed you, or at least it felt that way to you. With a lowered head you were about to get up and leave the courtroom, the verdict had been spoken and you had nothing to say that would change their mind. Discussing something like this with them was pointless, you should've known, saved time and went down without their knowledge of your location. You had to go down to hell and protect Adam - it wasn't as if the former angel was not able to stand up for himself - he every much was able to do so, you knew that better than anyone - but he was wounded and had no place to stay at, no one to turn to and the fact that probably every single resident of the pride ring wanted him dead was not helping either.
So you nodded your head towards your brothers and sisters, then turned to Lute - Lute who had been the only one to stay by your side. “We’re done here,” you stated as you watched the lieutenant lower her head as she followed you out of the courtroom. “Sir, excuse my curiosity but I assume you will not stay in your seat and wait, so may I ask what your plan is?” You liked Lute for many reasons, her loyalty for Adam was most definitely one of the highest attributes you admired. “I’ll go down myself and make sure he stays out of trouble as much as possible,” you explained, the lieutenant of your boyfriend remained by your side as you opened a portal to where Adam had last been spotted in hell, she was ready to go down with you. And while you normally wouldn't turn that offer down, this time you had to. Your visit in hell would be permanent - you were not going to leave the brunette to himself. “I’m coming with you, Sir,” the white haired woman said as she walked closer to the portal, yet she stopped when your hand gently came to rest on her shoulder. Your soft eyes met her determined ones and you offered her a warm yet genuine smile, “No Lute. Heaven needs you, I will take care of Adam, you will take care of heaven for me.”
The exorcist did not look very pleased with that decision of yours, still she gave you a nod and took a step back from you and the golden portal, “Very well, Sir.” With a little wave you turned around at her words, now facing the portal that would take you to your boyfriend and just as you were about to step through it, Lute raised her voice again, this time the usually so confident woman’s voice sounded somewhat unsteady, “Y/N?” You turned your head to Lute, then she continued, “Tell Adam I miss him.” And with those words she left. Ah yes, Lute always had trouble showing feelings and admitting them to somebody else than the person they were about surely must have been hard for her.
Hell was different than you had expected it to be, you had never personally been down there, why should you have been after all? Yet a creature as bright spirited as you was easy to spot - mainly due to your appearance. So when you turned around just to be tackled to the ground by a familiar first man, you were quite surprised and in shock at the same time, you had not expected Adam to spot you that quickly and act on it. “I fucking knew you would come to get my holy ass back into heaven,” the brunette mumbled as he pressed a kiss to your cheek. You held onto Adam’s body as you got up from the dirty ground - hell had a nasty vibe that you did not like but you’d have to get used to it. This place would now function as your new home due to Adam being not allowed to cross the pearly gates again. “Well, it’s not that easy love, I spoke to Sera-” Adam eagerly interrupted you, “I’m fucking sure she told you to get me in the first place, didn’t she? Yeah, she sure as fuck did.” Though when you shook your head in disagreement the prideful look in his eyes fell and disbelief replaced it. “What? You’re gonna fucking tell me these bitches want me to rot in this fucked up hellhole?” A simple nod was all you were able to give your boyfriend. Yes, that was exactly what Sera and the others had decided was the best solution for not only heaven but also Adam, but how could this be the best decision for Adam when he had been all alone the entire time and would have continued to stay alone if it weren’t for you disobeying the rules? Gently you cupped his face, a thing the first man had grown used to since that was something you did quite often - he still found it a little strange, it felt so intimate and personal while it appeared to be such a casual way of touching your lover. “The court has decided to not let you back in, Adam,” for Adam, this was the first time hearing your voice after his fall, after he had lost his status and home, after he had been convinced he had lost you as well. And despite your words being bad news, he could not help but find comfort in the sound of your voice. “But I won’t let you suffer here all on your own,” Adam’s eyes shimmered with hope and it felt painful to take that little bit of hope from him too, you knew he was hoping you were to smuggle him back into the heavenly realms - but that was a thing not even you as a seraphim could do.
“I’ll stay by your side,” and despite your thoughts that Adam would be highly disappointed, the hope in his eyes remained. You assumed that spending eternity in hell with his boyfriend sounded better to him than spending eternity in hell all on his own. “Well,” the brunette shrugged as he slowly pulled away from your touch, “That works fucking fine by me.” Not that it actually did though, the former angel would have preferred it if you would have taken his ass back to the pearly gates. But if the others were against it, you would make hell his new home instead, simply by spending all of eternity here with him just because you wanted to do so. He knew that if they hadn't done so already, they would properly ban you from the realm you had called home once forever, just like they had banned him. And he respected that - well, at least he thought he did because in his eyes that not only had the cute touch of ‘I throw my perfect life away to be with my loved one’, to Adam that also sounded incredibly stupid. Or at least he tried to tell himself that your decision was stupid - giving up everything to spend eternity with your loved one? Yeah totally not something he would do. Except that for you, he would throw it all away.
-
Getting used to hell’s atmosphere surely was not something that had ever been on your agenda, the air was stinky, the streets were dirty and the only area that felt clean and somewhat fresh was the area around the bakery you had built. The building was huge, shimmered in heaven’s brightest colors and you even managed to let some grass grow around the building that was not only used as a bakery, but it was also the new home of Adam and you. It had been quite some work - not because it was hard to work angelic magic in hell, no that had been the easy part. But due to this building doubling as a house and a bakery, it had taken some planning to not forget something important.
The bakery was not running very well, most sinners were not interested in heavenly food. The creatures down here looked up at heaven like the angels up there looked down at hell, in disgust and despair, not that you blamed them for doing so, they surely had their reasons to think that way. But you had two or three regulars that would stop by every other day and those people surely made your day, especially with one of them being Charlie Morningstar. Adam was not very happy whenever little miss butterflies and rainbows was visiting, but you and her got along quite well and your boyfriend at least tolerated that. And despite the bakery not earning very much money, the both of you had everything you needed, that was the bright side of not having to pay rent, you assumed.
Lute had convinced Sera to do regular check-ups on you, however she had only told the seraphim as an excuse to visit Adam. Don’t get her wrong, she was also glad to be able and pay you a visit, but her and Adam were closer than you and Lute could ever be and her missing her best friend more than his boyfriend was more than normal, not only in her eyes but also in yours. Sometimes she even talked Sera into taking one or two of the exorcists with her, to Sera she would say she takes them with her for defense reasons, in reality they just missed their former leader - and who could blame them? Lute surely did not.
You were standing behind the counter, the first man leaned against your side, wrapped up in your soft wings, his head on your shoulder as he was almost falling asleep. It was still early and Adam was convinced he would never get used to getting up so early in the morning, to him it felt like it was still the middle of the night. The little bell that rang as the door to the bakery opened made him crack one eye open and as he spotted a familiar face, he lifted his head off your shoulder, he remained wrapped in your wing though, not willing to leave the cozy warmth they provided.
“Danger Tits,” Adam beamed at the white haired woman as she entered the bright and heavenly feeling bakery. The vibe of the building you had created was different from the rest of hell, whenever Lute entered the inviting looking building she felt like you had brought a piece of heaven to hell. And while she still disliked Charlie’s idea of rehabilitation, she did like the fact that you made hell a little nicer - at least for Adam’s sake. That way she knew the first man was able to live a somewhat good afterlife, even with his soul stuck in hell.
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Reading fanfics and my golly... at first I just thought "OH, the way the fic is formatted must be an old fic—" *see the fic was made recently*
*Inhale... exhale... remembering that one post about writing how you are talking in your fics*
YOU! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
okay, so it's not entirely that person's fault. HOWEVER, it's upsetting to see recent fanfics..., no, just writing in general, degrading. Being reduced to separate sentences because people DO NOT want to read a proper paragraph.
I get that a long/huge paragraph is a big no-no or turn-off to many people (trust me, I read some fics where I just stopped reading it because the paragraph was just too big) but that is not an excuse to degrade your own writing just because you don't want others to "suffer" reading your stuff.
You have no idea how confusing it is to read your writing because... and I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings but please understand it's the truth... You're writing at a 4th-grade level.
I remember writing like this when I was in 4th grade.
Keeping my sentences separated so that way it's easy on the eyes and I can go between the lines and fix them.
Instead of jumbling them all together.
Because again, this is a 4th-grade level writing.
A little exaggerated, yes, but you get the point. DO NOT DO THIS WITH YOUR WRITING! PLEASE! It will damage not only your writing ability but also your reading abilities as well. And before anyone thinks "Oh, but what about those that don't speak English or those that have English as their second language?!"
Bruh 💀,... they have better writing than you. So what if they misspell some words or some of their sentences aren't correct. They're not writing like that. They're actually writing a story that is so easy on the eyes that legit, it flows like a river. That is a huge ass compliment. Like, if you can get your readers from start to finish with ease. You fuckin' done it, you wrote a story. Some of my fav stories are made by people who don't speak English or have it as a second language.
It's so confusing when I read these people's writings.
[Small paragraph (like tiny), describing what person A is feeling/doing]
Person A: [Talk for a bit]
[Person A, showing emotions]
Person A: [Talks again]
Person B: [Shows up out of nowhere]
[Person A, showing emotions/reactions]
Person B: [laughs]
[Person A, showing emotions/actions]
Person A: [Talks to Person B]
YOU CAN PUT QUOTATION MARKS IN THE PARAGRAPH AS WELL IF IT'S STILL THAT CHARACTER!!
DO THIS -> "Blah blah blah," Person A spoke, with no care in the world, "Blah blah blah... blah," Having their voice slowly trail off again. They paused to think to themselves during this quiet night. When suddenly the door barged open with a grand slam. There stood Person B, with a wide grin on their face as they witnessed Person A startled by their entrance.
Person B laughs with amusement, "HA! You should of seen your reaction!" Person B continues to chuckle to themselves, putting their hands on their knees to support themselves standing only to fail miserably and falling to their knees, hands clutched to their stomachs as they roll around in laughter, furthering their enjoyment.
Person A only scowled at Person B's reactions. "It was not that funny..."
"OH YOU'RE RIGHT," Person B gasped "IT WAS HILARIOUS!"
Ta-da! Just like that. That is how you write dialogues.
NOW, writing like the example out of storytelling is different. I sometimes write like that when I just want to either journal or I know it would be a quick post to make and does not involve a lot of writing.
But I'm not talking about that! I'm talking about storytelling. Upgrading your ability/skills to write better. The only way to improve your writing is literally read and write.
It's a skill and you will get there. Am I going to stop reading these people's fics... FUCK NO, I LOVE READING! Am I a little upset to see more of these fics being written like this... if it's not their first fic then yes... yes I am... granted it takes time to write don't get me wrong but like... if you are continually writing like this and not pushing yourself, especially to those that want to write as their passion and not as a hobby. You need to take risks. Be creative with your work process.
But at the end of the day, I can't change people's minds right away so have fun writing and reading stories.
I am now going back to read some fics I have bookmarked and also have open on my tabs... they have been there for days but I will get to it when I am done reading this fic... and that fic... and that fic as well... OH AND THAT STORY AND THAT STOR—
#long post#sorry about that#I do try my best to read their stories I do but just... the formatting and the way they write dialogues#If your reader has to reread your writing more than twice (for me if I can't read it by the fifth or sixth try) you failed.#now I get many people might be like “But I don't have a beta reader!!”#I also don't have a beta reader... I read it to myself so many times and also use Grammarly to help improve my writing and spelling#I also use Text to Speech to hear the words as well because oof I cannot for the life of me say words correctly :')#but that shouldn't be a crutch! KEEP GOING I BELIEVE IN YOU!!#go look at other writers stories or see their blogs and see what their secret is#LEARN FROM OTHERS AND HAVE FUN MAKING YOUR STORIES COME TO LIFE#I'll be here waiting to read it because again... I love reading :)
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The Girl in IT- 8. The Panic! in the Breakroom (Christine's Version)
A Boss! Joel Miller x IT Specialist F! Reader AU
The LIST │ Series Masterlist
Chapter Rating: M
Chapter Summary: Joel and Sugar spend some time apart and have serious conversations about their relationship's future. Everything is about to change...
Chapter Warnings and Tags: No outbreak AU, Boss x Employee Relationship, Sugar Daddy Lite, Reckless Driving, Talks about Periods and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and all of the shitty things that could happen with it including blood loss, miscarriage, and painful pregnancies, Someone gets punched (it's Joel, he gets socked in the face), Sugar takes a backseat as chaos ensues, Badass Ellie Miller, Ellie is going through it, Joel is going through it, Sugar's going through it!, Badass Survivalist Bill to the rescue, There is no smut in this chapter (like at all), no beta we die like men!
Word Count: 8.2 K
A/N: Here it is, the first chapter of my big rework, as I mentioned in this post. If you've read the original posting of this chapter, you know it ended with a surprise pregnancy and a proposal. As much as I know many of you enjoyed that outcome, it was also a departure from my true intentions for Sugar and Joel's relationship timeline, which set off a chain reaction for this story. I was afraid of alienating my readers- I thought by avoiding a darker or more heartbreaking storyline, I wouldn't upset anyone and felt like giving a happy ending to this chapter was the right move. Upon reflection, I started to regret it. Trying to censor myself out of fear of losing readers and not staying true to myself is not the way to go, and I've learned from this lesson.
There is a massive plot change in this chapter. Most of the story is the same, but I have included several pivotal moments with Joel and Sugar that will change the tone of the rest of the series. I do promise that we will be getting our happy ending, just at a different pace. This chapter does have some triggering moments, so please read the tags before reading. I also want to note that chapters 9 and 10 will be completely rewritten. I have set those chapters to private as I continue to rework them, and I hope to get those chapters out promptly before we dive into 'My Wife in IT'. Thank you so much for reading and for sticking around. I really do appreciate it.
"The conference should only be a few days, baby," Joel reassures you, planting a soft kiss on your forehead before disappearing into the walk-in closet to grab a flannel.
As he starts getting dressed, he catches your lingering gaze and teases, "See something you like, baby?" A mischievous smirk plays on his lips as he zips up his jeans.
Unable to resist, you slide out of bed and join him. Wrapping your arms around him from behind, you pout and playfully protest, "Do you really need to go, though?" You reach around him to button up his shirt, meeting his gaze in the mirror. "The bed will feel so empty without you... and it's kind of weird being here alone."
"Well, with Ellie being in the house I bet you'll hardly feel alone, hell, I can just see her attached to your hip the whole time," Joel replies, spinning around and pulling you into the warmth of his broad chest, kissing the top of your head. "You won't even notice I'm gone when she's around, she'll keep you on your toes plenty."
"Have you spent time with Ellie lately? You know anything could happen when she's around."
Joel smirks, "You've got a point there. I still need to fix the oven from her latest kitchen mishap. But hey, don't stress. If you bring Sir Bubbles along, she'll be entertained for days. It's like she's more attached to him than she is to both of us combined."
"But do you have to go, Joel?" you protest once more, "I'm sure Tommy can handle things; he's a big boy."
Joel raises an intrigued eyebrow. "Bigger than me, Mami?" he murmurs, giving you a little pout.
"No one is bigger than you, Papi," you tease, giving him a wink. Gazing up at the ceiling, a sudden wave of unease twists your expression. You find yourself clutching at your middle, groaning slightly in pain.
"Baby? Are you okay?" Joel is suddenly at your side, his face etched with concern. He pushes your hair out of your face, giving you a small smile.
"I don't want to call it, but I think my period is coming," you reply sadly.
"You would think with all of the times we've tried to get pregnant, surely it would take," you sigh, frowning as you stare at the ceiling, not wanting to face Joel and his disappointment. "I'm sorry, Papi."
"Why are you apologizing to me, Sugar? We have all the time in the world! Besides, I'm loving all of the attempts," he wiggles his eyebrows, pressing a kiss on your forehead. I'm more concerned about your health than anything else, okay?"
"Okay. I'm just worried because we're not getting any younger, and I don't think your knees can handle chasing a toddler," You tease, pulling him into a slow and languid kiss.
"I'll have you know, all of this sex we've been having has given me a new lease on life, I haven't worked out so much in my damn life! I'm in my prime, baby." Joel runs a hand through his hair as he walks over to the bedroom door, scanning the hallway for Ellie. He turns back to look at you on the bed. "Promise me you'll see a doctor if you get any worse?"
"I can't make any promises-"
"Sugar, I'm serious. If you start to get worse, you call Ellie and have her take you to the doctor. I mean it, baby. Please. Just put my mind at ease, okay?"
"Okay."
"Ellie!" Joel's voice echoes down the hallway. "Come here for a second!"
"Yeah?" Ellie pops her head out of her bedroom door. "Are you heading out now?" She strolls out, securing her hair into a ponytail as she settles beside you on Joel's bed. "Hey, why don't we swing by your place after the old man leaves to pick up my buddy? I can't wait for Sir Bubbles to see his new cat jungle!"
You flinch slightly, adjusting into a seated position next to Ellie. "Sure thing. We can grab some lunch on the way, too."
Joel clears his throat, retrieving something from his dresser and handing it to you with a smile. "I've been meaning to give this to you sooner, but since I'm leaving for a few days-"
You open the envelope he hands you, eyes widening at the realization that he's giving you an American Express card that matches his, your name etched onto the metal surface. "Woah, Joel, I don't think this is necessary-"
"If you're going to be spending time under this roof while I'm gone, I don't want you using your own money for things like groceries and necessities, especially if it's for you and Ellie. Use this card while I'm away; go to the mall and go wild," he glances at Ellie, who grins conspiratorially. "But no more guitars, Ellie. Not after the last time."
"How was I supposed to know the guitar was $10,000? The one in your office is twice the amount, I swear!" Ellie groans, knocking her shoulder against yours. "I'm sure Sugar will keep me in check, you have nothing to worry about, old man!"
"Hey, are you ready yet, asshole?" Tommy's voice suddenly booms from the front door. "We needed to head to Waco ten minutes ago!" he exclaims.
Joel sticks his head out of his bedroom door. "Yeah, just give me a damn second!" Grabbing his weekender duffle, he presses a kiss on your cheek. "Okay baby, I need to go. I'll see you in two days, okay?"
"Okay," you reply with a smile, pulling him into a kiss. "... and don't worry, nothing bad is going to happen to me, okay? Promise."
"Reservation for Miller," Joel tells the hotel receptionist, retrieving his wallet from his back pocket to produce his Amex. "It should be under Joel Miller."
"Welcome back Mr. Miller!" The receptionist beams, tapping away at her computer. "Let me just pull up your reservation. Give me a moment... Ah, yes, reservation for Joel Miller, one room, two keys."
"Wait, hold on," Tommy interjects, nudging Joel aside. "What do you mean one room?"
"The reservation for Miller only indicates one room," the receptionist replies with a sweet smile, her head cocked to one side.
"Well, there must be some mistake, miss." Joel's brows furrow with concern.
The receptionist glances at the screen, her brow furrowing slightly. "I apologize for any confusion, but that's how it's listed in our system. One room, two keys for Mr. Joel Miller."
Tommy exchanges a perplexed look with Joel, a touch of frustration evident. "Look, we need two separate rooms. Must've been a mix-up. Can you check again or maybe offer us an additional room?"
The receptionist hesitates for a moment before typing away on her keyboard. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Let me see if there's anything available." After a brief pause, she looks up. "I'm afraid we're fully booked tonight, with the conference and all, and the reservation is for a single room. Is there anything else I can assist you with?"
"Please tell me there's at least a cot or a pull-out couch in the room," Tommy groans, shaking his head.
The Receptionist hesitates, giggling awkwardly. "Well, there's a king-size bed? I guess it's pretty spacious?"
Joel and Tommy exchange glances, silently communicating their dissatisfaction with the situation. "Alright, fine," Joel concedes with a sigh. "We'll make do with what we have. But this better not become a habit."
The receptionist offers an apologetic smile. "I assure you, Mr. Miller, we'll do our best to make your stay enjoyable. If you need anything else, please don't hesitate to ask."
Joel and Tommy head towards the elevator, resigned to share a room for the night. As they walk away, Joel mutters to Tommy, "We'll sort this out tomorrow. Let's just get some rest for now."
"I guess it'll be like old times, brother, sharing a room and all," Tommy grunts. "I swear, if you snuggle up with me or fart in the sheets, I'll punch you right in the balls."
"If my memory serves me right, weren't you the one sneaking into my bed when things got a bit dicey in the night?" Joel retorts, arching an eyebrow while casually checking his emails on his iPhone. "Oh, Joel, I'm so scared of the boogeyman, can I sleep with you tonight?!" he imitates in an attempt at a childish voice, smirking.
"It's really gonna be like that, huh? You're gonna play that card? What about that time after we watched 'A Nightmare on Elm Street'? Weren't you begging Mama to let you sleep in her bed, thinking Freddy's gonna suck you up from your bed like Johnny Depp? Am I gonna wake up to you screaming?"
"Oh, go fuck yourself, Tommy, you ass-" The elevator dings to their floor, a family staring back at them. Tommy clears his throat, navigating around the family, shooting Joel a look as he heads to the room. "Evenin'," Joel murmurs, tipping his head to the family. "Excuse me."
Tommy is already in the room by the time Joel casually strolls in, rummaging through the welcome basket the conference organizers had prepared for Joel. "Well, it's nice of you to grace us with your presence, 'Mr. Austin's Entrepreneur of the Year 2023,'" he teases, extracting a bottle of Johnny Walker. "At least they give you the decent shit." Taking a swig straight from the bottle, he hands it over to Joel.
"Nah, I'm not drinking tonight," Joel murmurs, dropping his weekender unceremoniously on the floor as he plops onto the bed, pinching the space between his eyebrows. "I want to stay sober just in case Sugar calls me."
Tommy takes another swig, settling on the couch beside the window with a view of the city of Waco. "I noticed that she was looking a bit pale. Something going on?"
"She told me that she's about to start her period, I'm assuming that they can be quite an ordeal," Joel muses, glancing at his phone screen displaying a photo of you and him at your birthday dinner. A smile creeps across his face as he observes the image, capturing the moment when you kissed his cheek while he smiled at the camera. "I just have a really weird feeling like something's wrong," he groans, stretching his back onto the mattress.
"Well, Sugar's a big girl; I'm sure she'll be okay. Hell, I know how periods go, with Maria and all. Maybe I'll have her check in just in case." Tommy looks out of the window. "This is nice, you know. The two of us. Feels like it's been ages since we've done something like this."
"That's because the last time we were like this, it was your bachelor weekend in Vegas, and you ditched me and fucked off on some strip club crawl with your friends," Joel chides. "Then you had the fucking audacity to crawl into my bed, only to throw up on me in the middle of the night."
"I told you I was sorry! Shit, you could have come out with us, but you were still hung up on Sugar, even then. I don't know if that girl knows just how much you've loved her all these years."
"All that matters is she knows how much I love her now. Besides, I think it's only a matter of time before I ask her to marry me," Joel muses, revealing a ring from his jeans pocket.
Tommy's eyes widen at the sight of the diamond ring, whistling. "Shit, Joel, you're serious. How many carats is that puppy?"
"Just about 2 carats. Do you think she'll like it?" Joel asks nervously.
"I think she would say yes even without that rock; the girl's been crazy about you."
"I'm scared shitless, to be honest," Joel murmurs. "Never would have thought I would be put in this situation again, getting married and all... wondering if it's the right thing to do since my first marriage crashed and burned."
"Well, it's not like you married for love the first time around," Tommy muses, taking another swig.
"Now I have a second lease on life, time to get married for real. For love, this time."
"So, you get the girl, you ask her to marry you. But what about after that?" Tommy asks, taking another swig of Jimmy Bean. "... are you guys planning on having any kids? Do you want any more kids? You're not getting any younger, brother. Surely you don't want to be chasing some toddler when you're pushing 60-"
"I mean, we talked about the prospect of having kids, Sugar's only 36. I'm not gonna deny her of something she may want because I'm older than her." Joel responds with a heavy sigh. "Truthfully, I would give her anything she wanted, no questions asked... but sometimes I think to myself, what about our kids? I don't want to die before they become adults, you know?"
"... but is kids something that she wants? Sugar's a beautiful woman, surely if she wanted a family, she would have already gotten one, you know?" Tommy muses, chuckling to himself. "Maybe she would have gotten her head out of her ass sooner and sought you out beforehand."
"What are you trying to say, Tommy?"
"I'm saying, maybe before you ask her to marry you, you both have all of your cards on the table, brother."
"What if she wants kids, though? What if she wants a family, and I'm too old to give it to her? I don't want to lose her, I can't lose her. Not when I've just gotten her. I didn't work hard for these last ten years only for me to lose the girl because I can't give her what she wants."
"I have a feeling you don't have to worry about losing her, Joel. I do think that you should talk to her, at least."
Joel nods, a knot forming in his stomach as he contemplates Tommy's words. "Yeah, you're right. I need to have an honest conversation with Sugar about this. I owe her that much."
Tommy claps Joel on the shoulder, offering a reassuring smile. "She loves you, man. Just be open and honest with her, and I'm sure you two will figure it out together."
"Yeah, I hope so," Joel murmurs, a mixture of determination and anxiety swirling within him.
"So, what's the plan for dinner tonight?" Ellie asks, idly toying with Sir Bubbles by the towering cat tree in the family room. "I was thinking of whipping up some homemade Hot Pockets. I saw Sam snacking on them the other day, and they smelled divine!"
"You know, Ellie, you could just buy them at Randalls for $2 instead of going through the trouble of making them."
"Yeah, but where's the fun in that?" She grabs her phone, tapping away at Safari. "I found a great recipe that seems easy enough! Why don't we head to Randalls and grab the ingredients I need?"
"The whole beauty of Hot Pockets is the convenience," you groan, shifting on the sofa while flipping through channels. You wince as you manage to sit up. "You're not one to do things half-assed, are you?"
"I'm a Miller; we don't do things halfway. We must embrace chaos in all its glory, you know?" She glances at you from the corner of her eye, frowning at your pained form. "Are you sure you're okay? You look really uncomfortable sitting there."
You offer her a small smile through the discomfort. "Yeah, I'm just fine. It's that time of the month for me, always a bit uncomfortable."
Ellie nods in agreement. "Yeah, I hate it when I have my period. The cramps, especially! How do you deal with it? Midol?"
"Well, I have a condition that makes periods hell for me," you admit.
"PCOS is a beast I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It's like period symptoms on steroids, honestly. Bad cramps, nausea, heavy period flow, the whole nine yards and then some."
Ellie frowns at that. "How long have you had PCOS?"
"Since my mid-twenties?" you muse, scrolling through your phone. "It's been a while, that's for sure."
"Bullshit! That's like a decade! How can you deal with such painful periods like that every month? I would be yelling at the doctors to rip my uterus out!" Ellie pets Sir Bubbles, her face deep in thought. "I heard that women who have PCOS have a hard time conceiving. Is that why you haven't had any kids yet?"
You snort. "Yeah, well, I haven't been trying to have kids, either."
"But I bet it's different now that you're with Joel, huh? I bet he's been wanting to knock you up since you agreed to be with him," she smirks. "I mean, for someone who built his own house, you'd think he would insulate the walls a little more, make it more soundproof-"
"Ellie-" you grit through your teeth, cheeks burning with embarrassment.
"What? I know it's just human nature to want to be intimate with your partner-"
"Ellie, deciding to have kids is a big step in any relationship. It's something that changes your life forever."
"...and is that something you want, Sugar? To have kids?"
"I don't know what I want, really," you respond truthfully, shrugging. "I never really allowed myself to think about the future like this before, and now that I'm with Joel... it's making me question whether or not I would be a good mother. I... I didn't grow up in the most nurturing home when I was a kid, but I do remember promising myself that if I were to have any kids, I wouldn't raise them the way my parents did."
"That's understandable," Ellie quips thoughtfully, settling herself into the couch as she faces you. "I don't think I would ever want kids. It seems so freaking scary and overwhelming; I can't fathom the kind of pressure you're feeling about it. Have you talked to Joel about this?"
"We've talked about it," you admit, the weight of uncertainty evident in your voice. "I don't know if he wants kids, but I'm just not sure if I'm ready. I don't know if I'll ever be ready, you know? I'm scared of disappointing him. What if he sees it as a deal-breaker?"
Ellie nods sympathetically, her demeanor softening. "I get it, Sugar. It's a tough spot to be in. But Joel loves you for you, not for whether you want kids or not. And if he's the right guy, he'll understand your concerns and respect your feelings. Joel's a lot, but I know that this man would do anything for you. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Trust me, I live with the guy."
You exhale slowly, feeling a bit lighter with Ellie's reassurance. "Thanks, Ellie. I guess I need to talk to Joel and figure things out."
"Exactly," Ellie responds with a hopeful smile. "Communication is key. Just be honest with him, and who knows? Maybe you two can find a way through this together."
"You know, you're pretty wise for a little shit, but I do appreciate the words of wisdom, Ellie Bellie. Maybe you're not so bad after all," you tease, a chuckle escaping your lips. "Thanks for the armchair therapy. Should we get a move on to buy the ingredients for these hot pockets of yours?"
"Yeah, yeah," Ellie sighs. "We might as well head to Target, so we can get some Midol too. Grab your key; I'm driving! Can't have you navigating these streets in your condition. Plus, I've been meaning to take the Tessie out on a joyride!"
The next morning, you wake up to find blood on the sheets. Panic grips you as a sharp, stabbing pain surges through your lower body, causing you to double over in agony. You suppress tears as you carefully slip out of Joel's bed, realizing that your flow was so heavy it soaked through to the mattress. Gathering the sheets, you remove your stained pajamas and underwear, wrapping yourself in a towel to avoid waking Ellie down the hall.
On tiptoes, you make your way to the laundry room, groaning with each step. After depositing the soiled linens and clothes into the wash, you hobble back to Joel's bedroom. Sighing, you enter the bathroom and draw a hot bath. Glancing at your phone, it's 5:34 am. You meet your reflection in the mirror, eyes widening at the sight—your skin is pale and clammy. Quickly splashing water on your face, you try to shake off the discomfort.
You recall your recent FaceTime with Joel. You remember the sadness and concern in his eyes as he saw your pain. It's not like any period you've experienced before.
"Baby, I really think you should go to the ER," he pleads. "Wake Ellie up, have her take you-"
"It's just my period, Joel," you assure him, smiling through the pain to ease his worry. "Sometimes they get really bad, maybe this time is one of those times."
"I just wish you wouldn't be so stubborn, Mami. This is really concerning, maybe I should drive back-"
"I just think I should sleep it off. If it's not any better, I'll go to the hospital, okay? Sleep makes everything better," you promise, knowing your stubbornness may hold true. It's not new to you, but how is Joel to know?
"I wish I could keep you on FaceTime all night, just to make sure you're okay, but I don't want to keep you up with all of Tommy's snoring-"
"I'll be fine, baby, don't worry. You have a big day tomorrow, Austin's Entrepreneur of the Year," you tease, hoping to divert the conversation. "I love you so much, Papi. I wish you were here with me."
"I wish I was too, baby," Joel smiles. "Call me tomorrow? And please, if it doesn't get any better-"
"... I'll go straight to the doctor. I promise."
"Hey, Sugar, you don't look too hot."
"I'm fine, Ellie. Just a little headache," you assure her, managing a weak smile while holding up your Owala water bottle. "Probably just dehydrated, nothing a little water can't fix. I also got my period last night, and it always gives me problems. It's just a bit heavier than usual."
Ellie eyes you with concern. "Maybe it's time we get it checked out. Joel did say-"
"I know, Ellie, but I'm already behind on my reports, and Tess will flip if I don't finish them by the end of the day. I'll tough it out. If it gets worse, I promise I'll get myself checked out. I'll even let you drive me there, okay? Let's just keep this between us for now. I wouldn't want to bother Joel by being a baby about period cramps."
"Well, could you at least try to eat something? I swear the last time I saw you eat was yesterday. Joel's gonna kill me if something happens to you, and I really don't need that kind of stress right now. Not before the apprentice exam," Ellie urges, sliding her glass container into the microwave. "Besides, you can try out the Hot Pockets we made last night!"
"Isn't this supposed to be the other way around? I'm the adult in this equation; I should be looking over you, not the other way around," you chuckle. "What would Joel say if he saw us right now?"
"He would give us his best frowny face and bridal carry you out of here, taking you to the doctor," she replies, taking the seat across from you. "I'm not lying when I tell you that you look sick as hell. You should be at home, resting! I'm really worried about you, Sugar. For real this time. You need to at least eat something so you don't pass out!"
She places one of her creations on a plate, presenting it in front of you with a flourish as she begins to devour her own, inhaling it in a few bites. "Damn, that was good," she exclaims to herself, leaning back in her chair, taking a sip of her Baja Blast. "Come on, Sugar," she pleads, "Eat!"
You take a deep breath as you eye the hot pocket, your stomach churning at the overwhelming smell. With a hesitant smile, you lift it off your plate, taking a small, careful bite to avoid offending Ellie. "Mmm," you say softly, placing it back onto your plate. "You really outdid yourself this time, Ellie!" you commend, pushing the plate away. However, the effort to conceal your discomfort becomes futile as your head starts to spin when you attempt to stand.
Ellie's eyes widen as she quickly rises from her seat. "Sugar-"
"Ellie, I'll be right-"
Before you can reach the door, everything turns black.
"Sugar!" Ellie screams, dropping to her knees as she attempts to lift you, panic evident in her voice. "Somebody, help!"
Bill bursts through the door in an instant, his eyes wild as he assesses the situation. "What the hell happened?"
"I don't know!" Ellie exclaims, cradling your head in her lap as tears stream down her face. "She wasn't looking too good, so I gave her a hot pocket, and she took one bite and fainted! What am I going to do? Joel's going to freak!"
"Bill?" Frank calls out as he enters the breakroom. "What the hell is going on?!"
"Frank," he says calmly, "Call 911. Tell them that someone passed out." He turns his attention back to Ellie, his eyes focused. "Ellie, do you know if she hit her head?" Ellie is frozen in place, her breathing erratic, the weight of the situation settling in.
"Ellie!" Bill shouts, trying to maintain control. "Focus! Did she hit her head or not?"
"I don't know!" she says shakily, her hands trembling. "Everything happened so fast!"
"Bill," Frank says uneasily, "She's bleeding," he points to your lower body, his eyes widening in fear. "It's a lot of blood, fuck, is she... what if-"
"Fuck this!" Bill mutters, urgency in his voice as he picks up your limp body. "Frank, get the van, we need to go to the hospital, NOW." He looks over at Ellie, who is crying uncontrollably. "Ellie, call Joel."
"But Sugar begged me not to call Joel-"
"Joel won't forgive you if you keep him in the dark. Get him on the phone, NOW," he commands, darting towards the door behind Frank. "... and pick up the pace! You're coming with us!"
Ellie grabs her phone from her back pocket, her hands shaking as she scrambles to call Joel. She curses as it goes straight to voicemail. "He's not answering! It's going straight to voicemail-"
"THEN CALL TOMMY, ELLIE!" he shouts as Frank parks near the entrance, engine still running. He hurries out of the driver's seat, opening the back door. "Ellie, sit here! I need you to elevate her head!"
Ellie jumps into the car, phone in hand. Bill gently places you in the van, positioning your head across Ellie's lap. "Keep it elevated, okay?" Ellie nods, looking at you with concern. "Do you think she's going to be okay?" she whispers, placing a hand on your cheek. "This is all my fault-"
"Ellie," Bill says, heading toward the driver's seat. "This is not the time for that," he steps on the gas, swerving to avoid an oncoming vehicle. "Put Tommy on the phone, now!"
Ellie fumbles with her phone, quickly dialing Tommy's number. As the line rings, Bill navigates the van through the chaotic streets, tension thick in the air.
"Come on, Tommy, pick up," Ellie mutters anxiously, glancing at you still cradled in her lap. After a few tense moments, Tommy's voice crackles through the phone.
"Ellie? What's happening?"
"It's Sugar. We're on our way to the hospital. Something's wrong," Ellie replies, her voice shaky. "I tried to call Joel but it's going straight to voicemail! Could you put him on the line? Please!"
"Shit, Ellie-" Tommy stammers, "He's about to go on stage-"
"What's going on?" Joel notices Tommy's unease. "Who is it?"
Tommy hesitates as he puts the phone on speaker. "It's Ellie, something's happened at the office-"
"Joel? Dad?" Ellie cries, her voice quivering.
"Ellie? Baby girl, what's wrong?" Joel asks worriedly, peering out to the stage as the emcee begins. "Baby, what's going on?!"
"It's Sugar, something happened at lunch-" she sobs, looking down at your pale form.
Tommy's eyes widen as he witnesses Joel's demeanor change rapidly. "Ellie, what happened to Sugar?" he soothes, trying to get her to calm down through her sobs. "Come on baby, breathe-"
"She passed out at work! I know, she shouldn't have gone in, but she swore that she was fine! I tried to get her to eat something and she looked sick all of a sudden... and then she was on the ground, bleeding! It all happened so fast, I swear! I'm so sorry, Dad! It's all my fault!" she cries.
"Joel," Bill cuts in, honking as he narrowly misses a car he overtakes. "I'm heading over to Austin General, ETA 2 minutes. She's lost a lot of blood." He runs a red light, a barrage of horns erupting from the maneuver. "I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to get her there."
"You're driving her there? Why didn't you call 911?" Joel demands.
"They would have taken too long, Joel. Minutes we do not have. Trust me, I'll get her there faster than they could," Bill hesitates. "Joel, I think she's-" The line cuts off as Ellie's phone dies.
"BILL? ELLIE??!" Joel screams into the phone frantically as he runs his hand through his hair. He tries to call Ellie back, only to be met with voicemail. "Fuck!" he shouts, trying to call Bill. "Why aren't they answering?"
"Joel, you're gonna have to tell me what the fuck is going on-"
"Sugar collapsed at work. They're on their way to Austin General now. Grab your shit, we're leaving."
[and it's with my great pleasure to introduce you to our keynote speaker and Austin's Entrepreneur of the Year, Joel Miller!]
"Okay Mr. Miller," the assistant interrupts, hand on his earpiece. "You're up!"
"I have a family emergency, I need to leave," Joel replies, attempting to make a quick exit.
"No can do, Mr. Miller; it's your turn!" The assistant insists, pushing Joel towards the door.
"Are you deaf?!" Joel shouts, forcefully removing the assistant's hands from him. "I already told you, my wife is being taken to the hospital right now-"
"Just get on stage, say your piece for five minutes, and then you can go straight to the hospital," the assistant insists, shoving Joel towards the door, unfazed.
Joel's frustration boils over, and he shoves the assistant back, his anger reaching its peak. "Listen, I don't give a damn about your schedule! My wife needs me, and I'm not wasting another second here!"
The assistant, angered by Joel's defiance, clenches his fists. "You're not going anywhere until you fulfill your obligations. This is important!"
"Joel, we don't have time for this!" Tommy grits, glaring at the assistant. "If we leave now, we can miss the rush on 1-35."
The assistant grabs Joel's forearm, pulling him as he makes his way towards the door that leads to the stage. "You're getting on that stage, give your fucking speech, and then you can fuck off and get to your little wife-"
Joel pulls himself out of his grasp. "Are you fucking kidding me? Don't put your hands on me!"
The man glares at Joel. "Look asshole, we fucking paid for you to come here, and you're not going to make some half-assed excuse about your sick wife-"
Joel's patience snaps, and he throws a punch, hitting the guy square in the face. "Don't talk about my wife like that!"
"Fuck! You broke my fucking nose!" he shouts, tackling Joel to the ground. He manages to land one good punch before Tommy intervenes, pulling the man off of him and shoving him to the ground. "What the fuck is your problem, man?" he yells as he tries to get up.
"Joel, are you okay? Come on, let's get the fuck out of here before they call someone!" Tommy hoists Joel onto his feet, his lip split and a bruise forming on his cheek. They run towards the parking garage, Tommy throwing his keys at Joel as they jump in, peeling out of the parking stall. At the corner of Joel's eyes, he sees security guards running along the lot, searching for them.
"Stop!" one of the guards yells, trying to block the truck at the exit. Joel swerves around, narrowly avoiding the guard as they pass the parking attendant booth. He hits the gas, driving through the parking arms, pieces flying over the dashboard as they merge onto the main road. "Joel, think they'll chase us?" Tommy asks, the tension thick as they speed away. "I don't think Maria will appreciate watching us on a high-speed chase on the evening news-"
"Shut the fuck up, Tommy!" Joel cuts him off, navigating towards the freeway out of Waco, heading to Austin. "Just let me fucking concentrate on the road!"
"Slow down, Joel! Dying on the way there won't help anyone!" Tommy yells as Joel narrowly avoids a car while speeding down the freeway. Fortunately, no police cars are chasing them as they make their way towards Austin. "I can't believe that guy wanted to fight you, and you just started throwing punches!"
"Tommy, not now," Joel grits his teeth, gripping the wheel tightly. "I knew I should've stayed home. If I were there, then-"
Tommy's phone rings, displaying Sarah's face on the screen. He answers the Facetime call, and Sarah's concerned face fills the screen. "Where are you guys?" she asks nervously. "Ellie's phone died, but the hospital just called asking for information. You're her emergency contact, Dad."
"Do you know what's going on?" Joel inquires as he navigates down the freeway. "I don't have my phone, but we're on I-35 right now, should be there in about 30 minutes."
"They can't release any information because we're not family," she says hesitantly. "I'm legally supposed to call her parents, but-"
"You can't call them, Baby. She wouldn't want them there. Tell them she's my wife, and I'm on my way," Joel insists.
"Dad, I don't think we should lie about that-" Sarah expresses her concern.
"I'm all she has, baby. I can't be kept in the dark. Were you there when it happened?"
"No, but Dad, she was bleeding. There was a lot of blood-"
"Damn it!" Joel slams his hands on the steering wheel, his eyes wide as he overtakes a few cars, stepping on the gas. "I should've followed my gut and stayed home. She was already in pain when I left yesterday!"
"Well, speeding down the freeway isn't helping, Dad!" Sarah shouts through the phone. "We're all concerned for Sugar, not just you. I sent Tess to the hospital to bring chargers and Bill and Frank's phones. I need you to relax; it's not going to help her if you two get into an accident!"
"I can't help it, baby girl. I love her, and it's hard to think straight. All I'm thinking about is how scared I am. I can't lose her. I've already known how it feels losing her all these years; I don't think I can survive a second time."
"I know, Dad," Sarah replies. "Just get to her in one piece, okay? I'll let you know if I hear anything back."
"What do you mean I can't go in with her?" Ellie groans, attempting to keep pace with the gurney as they rush you down the hallway towards a room, with Bill and Frank following behind.
The doctor raises an eyebrow at her. "Are you her family?"
"She's my sister!" Ellie asserts. "I was adopted by her family!"
"Doctor," the nurse interjects urgently. "She's lost a lot of blood; she's going to need a transfusion... she might be in the middle of a hemorrhage-"
"If you know she needs a transfusion, then what are you waiting for?"
"The patient has O Negative, and we don't have any on hand-"
"I have O Negative!" Ellie tells the nurse, showing her wrist. "I found out my blood type after an accident as a kid. Take it from me, please!"
The doctor eyes Ellie warily. "... and you're sure she's your sister?"
"Not by blood, but by heart. Please, doctor. She's important to me, and I know she would do the same for me in a heartbeat," Ellie pleads.
The doctor sighs, nodding his head in agreement. "Fine, if you say that she's your sister, then I'll just take your word for it. Nurse, prep her for a blood draw. She's a match."
"Hey! You can't park here!" The hospital security guard shouts as Joel and Tommy hastily exit the car, leaving it right outside the ER. Joel sprints through the hospital, Tommy trailing behind him. He reaches the receptionist's stand, his chest heaving. "Where is she? Where is my wife?!" he demands, attempting to jump over the partition, with Tommy trying to hold him back.
"Sir, I'm going to need you to calm down," the receptionist replies, glaring at both of them. "I'm going to need a name."
Joel hesitates but states your first name, adding 'Miller' as your last. Tommy shoots him a look, signaling the obvious lie, but Joel gives him a warning glare. The receptionist's eyes narrow at Joel. "She was just brought in 20 minutes ago. She's currently under observation but will be put in a room soon. Should be room 203. You can wait for her if you'd like."
Joel breathes a sigh of relief. "Do you have any idea what's going on?"
"I don't, but the attending Doctor should be with her. He could answer any of your questions," she hands him a clipboard. "I'm going to need you to fill this out for me with her information, and then you can head down the hall and take a left. Her room should be a few doors down that corridor." She assesses his disheveled state. "Sir, are you needing assistance as well?"
"I'm fine," Joel dismisses her as he fills out the form. He takes out his Amex and hands it to the receptionist. "I don't have her insurance card, but please put all charges on this card."
The receptionist's eyes widen at the color of his Amex. "Certainly, sir."
Joel strides down the hallway towards room 203, catching a glimpse of Ellie in the room adjacent to yours, a nurse tending to her bandaged wrist. His heart lurches at the sight, but he pushes the worry aside for the moment. As he approaches your room, he sees Bill and Frank sitting on a nearby bench, their expressions heavy with concern. Frank rests his head on Bill's shoulder, a distant sadness clouding his eyes.
"Bill!" Joel's voice echoes in the hallway. "Thank you for bringing her here!" He notices their somber demeanor and furrows his brow. "What happened-"
Bill hesitates, his gaze flickering with reluctance. "Joel, I think it's best if you go inside and talk to the doctor," he suggests softly, his voice strained with emotion. "He'll be able to explain everything to you." He offers a weak smile, though it fails to mask the worry etched on his face. "Frank and I are gonna head back to the office, alright?"
"Yeah," Joel stammers, nodding. "Thanks again, Bill... for everything."
"Anytime, Joel," Bill responds, his eyes watery. "Take care of her, okay? She's gonna need you."
Joel's stomach churns with apprehension, but he nods in understanding. With a final glance at Bill and Frank, he takes a deep breath and steps into your room, steeling himself for whatever news awaits him. He nods as he walks into your hospital room, audibly gasping at the sight of you, unconscious. A doctor is tending to you, engaged in conversation with a nurse. He turns around at the sound of the gasp.
"Mr. Miller, I presume?"
"What's going on with her, Doc?" Joel asks, his face reflecting a mix of worry and tears.
The doctor eyes Joel silently, a heavy sigh escaping from his chest.
"Why are you not telling me anything? She's my wife-"
The doctor, catching on to Joel's distress, gives a serious look. "Mr. Miller, let's maintain a level of seriousness here."
"But she's practically my wife! I'd give my life for her, you understand? Please, man to man, wouldn't you do the same for someone you love?" he pleads, Tommy, looking away from his brother to keep himself from breaking down.
The doctor, unyielding, emphasizes, "We have legal protocols to safeguard those who can't speak for themselves. I can't divulge information to just anyone; there are procedures that must be followed for the well-being of the patient."
"Well, what can you tell me, then?" Joel's voice wavers as he pleads with the doctor. "I'm in the dark here, doctor. Please," Joel begs. "Just give me something. Tell me she's going to be okay."
The doctor takes a deep breath before delivering the news, "She was pregnant, Mr. Miller. She has Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and is anemic. Due to significant blood loss, we had to perform a blood transfusion. Luckily, someone who accompanied her was a match."
Joel's heart sinks as the words hit him like a ton of bricks. "Was? So, Sugar and the baby... Are they okay?"
The doctor's demeanor shifts, his eyes reflecting a mix of empathy and gravity. "Mr. Miller," he begins cautiously, "Sugar lost a lot of blood during the procedure. She was suffering from a hemorrhage and was going into shock. I did everything in my power to save them both, but... I'm sorry, Mr. Miller. The baby didn't make it. Sugar almost didn't make it out herself. Without that blood transfusion-" He trails off, the weight of the situation hanging heavy in the air.
"Ellie..." Joel whispers, realization dawning on him as he connects the dots. "That's why she's bandaged up?"
The doctor leans in, a glimmer of understanding in his eyes. "Yes," he confirms, his tone somber. "What we did was highly unethical and illegal. I don't appreciate being lied to, but your daughter's quick thinking saved Sugar's life. Despite the miscarriage, Ellie's actions kept Sugar alive. It was incredibly brave of her. I'm willing to keep this between us if any issues arise. Sugar is still with us because of her. That girl has nerves of steel," he chuckles softly, his gaze distant with memories. "Reminds me of my daughter. Us fathers need to stick together, right?"
Joel nods, his gaze unwaveringly fixed on you lying on the hospital bed. "I knew something was wrong... I should have stayed back. I can't imagine the pain she must have been in-"
"Unfortunately, this is highly common for women with her condition," the doctor interjects, his tone gentle yet matter-of-fact. "As much as we can dwell on the what-ifs, most times the baby won't make it past the first trimester. It does give us a little hope that she was able to conceive to begin with. Have you two been trying long?"
Joel's shoulders sag slightly at the doctor's words, a mixture of grief and understanding washing over him. "We've spoken about it, but only decided to try recently," he admits, his voice tinged with sadness. "But we never imagined it would end like this."
The doctor offers a sympathetic nod, his expression reflecting empathy. "I'm sorry for your loss, Joel. Losing a child is never easy, but please know that you're not alone in this. If either of you need support or someone to talk to, we have resources available. I want to have Sugar spend a day or two here, just to make sure her blood count gets back to normal. You're welcome to stay as long as you need to, okay? I'll make sure of it."
Joel manages a faint smile, grateful for the doctor's compassion. "Thank you," he murmurs, his gaze drifting back to you, his heart heavy with sorrow yet filled with love and determination.
The doctor nods, glancing at Joel's disheveled appearance and the split lip. "I can get someone to fix that for you if you'd like. Waking up to see you like this might frighten Sugar. You must have been through hell to get here."
"Pretty much," Tommy says sadly, his eyes filled with tears. "Thank you for saving Sugar, doc. We really owe you one."
The doctor nods. "Yeah, well, thank your little girl; she's the real hero today." He gestures behind Tommy and Joel. Ellie stands at the doorway, nervously fiddling with the bandage on her wrist. Giving Joel one last nod, the doctor makes his way to the door, giving Ellie a comforting pat on her shoulder as he walks away. Joel turns his attention back to Ellie, a sad look on his face as he tries not to lose his shit in front of his brother and his daughter.
"Ellie-" he starts, his voice shaky. "Baby-"
"Oh, it was nothing, you know, just another day at the office," she casually says, downplaying herself. "Besides, she's family, and we do anything for family."
"You're damn right we do," Tommy boasts, pulling Ellie into a side hug. "You saved the day, Girlie."
"You sure did," Joel cries, pulling her into a tight hug, his tears soaking into her hair. "You did so good, baby girl. Thank you, thank you, baby."
Ellie hugs Joel back, sobbing into his chest and clinging to his shirt. "I was so scared, Joel. It made me think about what happened with Marlene, and I just froze! If Bill didn't step in, I don't know what would have happened—"
"Ellie—"
"... and I told her that she should tell you. She looked so sick, so I told her that she needed to eat something, and I gave her a hot pocket—"
"A hot pocket?"
"Yeah, we made it last night, and even then, I knew something was up. She was always wincing and flinching in pain, told me that she was on her period—"
"Ellie. She was bleeding out, then. It—" Joel takes her face in his hands, his expression serious. "She was pregnant, baby girl. She has a condition that makes her bleed heavily. Fuck, she must have been in so much pain—"
"Wait," Ellie says, her eyes reflecting shock. "What do you mean, she was pregnant? Does this mean that she lost the baby?" she says solemnly, turning her attention to you. "Joel, I'm so sorry, maybe if I had been more stubborn and firm with her, maybe-"
"Ellie, trust me when I say that none of this was your fault, baby girl," Joel pulls her into his chest as she sobs, his hand soothing her back. "These things happen all the time with women that have the same condition as her. Honestly, I'm just happy that she had you to watch over her, you did everything perfectly, alright? No more tears, baby. Sugar's still here with us, and that's all that matters, okay?"
"Okay," Ellie murmurs into his chest. "Joel, what's going to happen now? are you going to tell her? We need to tell her, right?"
"Why don't you head back to the office with Tommy and let me worry about that, alright?" Joel responds, sighing as he sits at the edge of your bed. "I think you've had too much excitement for one day, I can talk to her when she wakes up, okay? Don't worry."
Tommy places a comforting hand on Joel's shoulder, pulling him into a side hug. "I'm really sorry, brother. If there's anything you both need, just let me know, okay?"
Joel nods. "Thanks, Tommy."
"Ready to go, Ellie?" Tommy asks, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "We better get moving before they tow my truck out front." Ellie nods as they both give you and Joel one last glance, making their way out of your hospital room.
"Let me know if you need me to bring you anything from home, alright?" Ellie tells Joel, giving him one last smile. "Take care of yourself. I love you."
"I love you too, baby. Get some rest, okay?"
Joel looks back at them helplessly as a sob escapes his mouth. He buries his face in his hands, finally allowing himself to fall completely apart. As heartbreaking as the miscarriage is, the thought of losing you at the same time is unbearable. How could he have turned a blind eye to the pain you were going through? How could he have almost lost you, just like that? The guilt and anguish weigh heavily on his shoulders as he grapples with the harsh reality of the situation.
"I'm so sorry, baby," he cries, reaching for your hand. Joel presses a soft kiss on your forehead, his tears falling upon your face. He wipes them away as he settles himself on the seat next to your bed, his eyes never leaving your face as he waits for you to wake up. Every fiber of his being yearns for you to open your eyes, to assure him that you're still here, still fighting alongside him.
Taglist: @sarcasm-theotherwhitemeat@gwendibleywrites@brittmb115@joeldjarin@drewharrisonwriter@littlebunnybigheartfics
@missladym1981 @auteurdelabre @quicax3 @casa-boiardi @amyispxnk
@untamedheart81@paleidiot@laurrrra@la-vie-est-une-fleur29@bbiophiliaa
@thewiigers@survivingandenduring (I apologize if I missed anyone, but if you are looking for any of my fic updates, please feel free to follow my updates blog @chiriwritesstuffnotifs!)
#pedro pascal#the girl in it#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller#pedro pascal fanfiction#joel miller x female reader#joel tlou#joel the last of us#joel miller fanfic#joel miller the last of us#joel miller tlou#pedro pascal character fanfic#pedro pascal characters#pedro pascal fandom#joel miller fic#joel miller x Sugar
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Hello everyone, bunnies or not (due to recent events). Today we're going to talk about serious things.
Over the past few weeks I've been getting more and more negative messages in my inbox. To be honest, I didn't really care at first, but the last few days have become a real test of my patience.
Even today. I just posted my first response to the Unholy Hour in the last two weeks, and a ton of negativity, disrespect, criticism and just plain rude behaviour poured in in response. So I want to make a few things clear.
I have created this blog as a safe and free space for everyone. It's a place you can come back to and not feel like you don't "fit in". There are no bans, restrictions, judgements, criticism or rudeness here. This is a place where everyone can find themselves and be who they want to be, not who society tells them to be. Damn, if someone wants to be a cat or a bunny, what the hell do you care, look after yourself, find a hobby, leave people alone. I will not tolerate people on my blog who tell other people what to do and label them. If you find me strange, unpleasant, rude, please unfollow me or even block me so that my messages do not appear in your feed. It will be much better than receiving all the crap you write to me anonymously.
Tagged question: Am I giving enough warnings? Am I using enough banners? Do I give enough indication that this is NSFW content? If you are confused by my work, you don't have to read it! You can stop at the beginning, but please that we are all adults here. Seriously, are you having sex, watching porn, discussing these topics with friends and not getting enough warning? Again, this blog is a safe and free place without judgement or negativity. Someone even mentioned rape in my work, and I'm not completely stupid for not mentioning it in my warnings. All my work involves "absolute consent". I do this absolutely freely and voluntarily, I like writing, I love it, but the more negative messages I get, the more I lose the desire to do it. I love myself very much and I don't want to waste my emotions with endless negativity, it's easier for me to close the blog and live my life.
Feedback. Bunnies (I'm still hoping), when I ask for your opinion, PLEASE give feedback in the comments. You may not "like" the post, but I need to hear from you. Writers need to know what to do. I don't want to waste hours of my time on something you're not going to be interested in. Every work I do is a huge effort. I don't have beta readers, English is not my first language, so imagine how much time I spend proofreading my work, checking grammar, punctuation, style. That is why I need to communicate with you. I know this is an uncomfortable conversation. I'm not a drama queen, I just want respect and understanding. This whole situation has also caused my activity to decrease.
Listen, if for some reason you feel uncomfortable, the atmosphere on the blog is unpleasant, or my works are not suitable for you due to the large amount of graphic sexual content, please stop following me and reading my ffs. There are many other authors with great work that can satisfy your need for content.
I don't want to get hate that I don't deserve. First of all, it is your own choice, I have never forced anyone to do anything. Respect the authors, be grateful for the effort they put into entertaining you.
I hope I have given you my thoughts.
And on a lighter note, the Unholy Hours are on tomorrow. I hope everyone has a good day/night.
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hi can you recommend the best way to break into the fanfic world on here? i'm new, yay, and don't know how the tagging system or anything works
thank you in advance!!
Hello Lovely Non! 🖤
Oooh! Exciting!! YAY! 🎉🎉 Firstly, welcome, welcome. How wonderful it is that you wanna write and share something with us all, that's so cool! ✨️
Look, Dieter's excited too!
I suppose the best way to break in, is to take the leap. I know, groundbreaking advice Jett, right? Hehe! 😆
From experience, these are all things I've learnt and had guidance on myself during my time on wacky Tumblr, so here are my pearls of wisdom for ya...
So you've written the fic. WOO! 🎉 Now what? Well, firstly, have a treat. Some cake or vodka, or both. You've earned it. 🍰
Then, when you're no longer hungover and throwing up cake, do these things:
And make yourself a banging banner of some kind, or use a picture/GIF. I'm personally more likely to be drawn to a fic to read if there's a cool banner, or you've made a mood board or have a GIF. Kinda sets the tone, you know? We love a bit of the ol' aesthetic. Like a bookcover, we're immediately drawn in with our eyes. Be creative, go nuts. Use the free trial of Canva to go design crazy.
Check it through for grammar and spelling as much as you can.
You can always have someone beta read it for you. And look at your formatting to ensure you don't have massive spaces between your paragraphs etc... When I copy and paste into Tumblr, it screws up the formatting from Google docs, just to test my already thin thread of patience further, no doubt... 😑 It's not a massive deal, but I guess presentation is a hook in itself, right?
Beware of glitches when saving your drafts on Tumblr too. The app especially loves to auto-post it when you hit save, 🤬 so double check you're saving it in draft, not in post, before you're ready to post it to the world.
Everyone has their owns tastes and comforts when reading fic, and quite rightly so. Variety is the spice of life. 🌶 And look, you'll NEVER please everyone. So don't even try. But what is important is that you give the reader a choice to read it or not.
⚠️🚫🔞👉🏻👌🏻 Ensure you list any trigger warnings.
Look, there's this age old debate that continually surfaces on whether we should list every single trigger or warning in our fic, or should we just... not? 🤔
The simple answer is, it's up to you, ultimately. Not everyone does this or feels the need to do this. I mean, published books don't, right?
HOWEVERRRRR. And it's a capital letter however. There are so many people who won't want to read stories about certain topics. Age Gap, Anal, Noncon etc...
Kinda looks like a sandwich to me... I'm hungry 🥪
I personally won't release a fic without listing all the triggers as I don't want any of my readers to encounter something that could be triggering for them later on. Yes, to some degree it can give away "spoilers" but it's up to you as the writer ultimately about how much you want to give away. If you fic contains Age Gap, you can simply write "Age Gap."
Use the Read More/Keep Reading divider.
It looks like this on the app:
Some people write a paragraph or two before they place it on, others hide the whole fic and just leave the intro/warnings etc... on show. How you do it is up to you, but please, please use it!
Nobody likes to scroll through a whole chapter of 10k+ words trying to get to the next post... nobody. Cue ranty Anons in your mailbox if you don't. We've all been there and made that mistake. 😬
Plus, using this will also hide any explicit or triggering content from immediate view. People more than likely won't read your fic if you don't have one of these on it.
# Tagging
Tagging - to tag or not to tag?
Tagging is a massive topic, but essentially it boils down to two types of tagging.
Tagging using a # which is at the bottom of each of your posts, and tagging people in your posts by using the @ and then their username.
So say, for example, you've written a Joel Miller fic.
Oh, hey Joel... we're talking about you handsome, not to you.
You can tag it "joel miller" or "joel miller tlou" or "joel miller x reader" etc... People can follow the tag, so they'll see your work in it if they're following it.
If you search the tag on Tumblr it'll tell you how many people are following that tag too, so you'll know which ones are more popular and will be seen by the most eyes.
Currently (as of writing this response) the 'Joel Miller' tag has 225k followers! 👀 So if you write a Joel Miller fic, you deffo want one of your first 5 tags to be that one!
Someone's popular, eh Joel?
@ Tagging
He loves it really.
☝🏻Note that the first 5 tags you use are the ones that Tumblr actually uses to make your fic show up in those tags too. You can put up to 30 tags on a fic and yet Tumblr only counts the first 5. Dumb, I know. 🤦🏻♀️ The rest is just for your own use to find it again on your blog.
If you search your own blog using "Joel Miller" everything you've ever posted with Joel Miller will come up. So you can use your own tags or words for yourself too. I use "Jett's fic recs" for example, when I re-blog someone's fic so I can find it again.
⚠️ And you can use tags to highlight triggers too, for example you can write "tw blood" for a blood warning. (tw = trigger warning) People can block tags so certain things don't show up in their feed as a way of shielding themselves from content they don't want to see/read. So if I've blocked "tw blood" I won't ever see your fic, even with all the other tags you use.
So be mindful of how you tag, not only for yourself, but for others too.
And essentially tags are how some people choose to comment and interact with you. Some people write mini fics in the tags! It's really quite fun. Just remember, there's a limit of 30 tags per post and put your best 5 first.
You can also tag users! You can offer up a tag list to users who you think might be interested in reading your fic (feel free to tag me, I'd love to read it!) A lot of writers have a bunch of regular readers who they'll tag @ username on their works. They're called tag lists. Readers may reach out to you to ask to be tagged too.
There's no shame in hyping your own work - you wrote it, be proud of it! 🙌🏻
Others choose not to do this and instead create a side blog for notifications of their works. It's up to you how you choose to do this, but if you tag specific people, chances are they're going to read your work because they want to.
You can tag up to 50 users on a single post, I believe. (Or at least it's 50 users and 50 links when I do my fic rec lists) I think it varies if you're on app or desktop. Someone will correct me if I'm wrong... but there is deffo a limit.
Reblog your own work for time zones.
So, I'm in the UK and the majority of my followers are in the USA, so when I'm in bed snoozing away, they're awake and reading smut at work.... 😏 So I'll schedule my fic to release at various points in the day and night so everyone can see it on their feed.
Keep it circling too, I'll go back and re-blog older works when more people follow me so they don't miss out. And as a writer, you'll want people to love your older works as much as the new.
And finally, some basic etiquette...
Please don't be disheartened if your fic doesn't get the traction you want right away.
It does not mean that your writing isn't good. We all started in the fandom with 0 followers and 0 reblogs. Its important to remember to write, first and foremost, for your own enjoyment. The right people will find you and love your work, it just takes a bit of time.
You can jazz your fic up with dividers and GIFs. Just ensure you give credit by @ tagging the person who made the divider you're using, if you choose to use one, and use the GIF search function on Tumblr for your GIFs, as they auto tag and credit the creator of the GIF for you. And that way, everyone stays happy. ✌🏻
And finally...
Interact with your comments and reblogs. People took the time to read your work, even just a simple thank you back is always appreciated and well received.
Re-blog, re-blog, re-blog what you love!
The like button is for bookmarking only. It does absolutely nothing to make posts get seen like it does on other socials. Re-blogging is what gets yours and others work seen and put on people's feeds on Tumblr. If you want people to re-blog your own work, you'll need to give back and re-blog theirs too. Tumblr is all about sharing in the form of re-blogs.
Love you! 🖤
✨️HAVE FUN!✨️
I'm so excited you're here and can't wait to read your fics! 🤗
Apologies if any of this you may already know, I just wanted to share what I've learnt in abundance.
And if you have further questions, feel free to reach out. I'm no expert, but I'll try and help if I can.
And if anyone else has any tips/hints/advice etc... feel free to share in the comments.
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White Lies 🤍 2: Sleep sweet, pretty
Yoongi is everything you could ask for. He is attractive, confident, and smart. And his partner Taehyung is as possessive as he is beautiful. Too bad a relationship would be a major conflict of interest.
You need to have them, at all costs.
🤍 Yoongi x Female Reader x Taehyung
🤍 word count: 7.4k + screencaps of conversations
🤍 college au, cop au, partial social media au with a lot of written story, strangers to lovers & established relationship, yandere, hurt/comfort, smut, fluff, angst, slash, poly, minor character injury & death, graphic violence, nsfw, 21+.
🤍 warnings: a lot of deception; very forward flirting; use of date rape drug; effects of being drugged against one's will. there is no assault of any kind, just fear.
🤍 notes: ignore the fact that the chats switch from dark mode to light mode. i use dark mode on my phone, but sometimes it gets switched and i forget to change it back. these screencaps result from me literally texting myself haha it's a labor of love okay. also don't forget mc's fake name is Sandra. she won't be referred to this for too many chapters.
🤍 written parts beta read by @neoneunnajimin
🤍 posted nov. 2023 | read on ao3
PREVIOUS | INDEX | NEXT
* * *
You pace around beside your couch and stare at your phone as it rings, watching as the 212 number takes up the screen. With shaking thumbs, you halt in place and accept the call, anticipating what Vante's voice may sound like.
"Hello?" you ask as demurely as possible, squeezing your eyes closed.
The voice that greets you is deep, rough, and with an accented lilt that makes your heart race. "Well, hello, pretty."
It takes a split moment to get your bearings. How could someone's voice sound like honey and barbed wire all at once?
"H-hey, V," you finally say, biting on your bottom lip and opening your eyes. Although your apartment lighting is not terribly bright, you have to blink a few times.
"Wow," Vante says, "your voice sounds so sweet."
You huff out a quick, quiet sigh, lips upturning as you catch the bottom one between your teeth, and then you begin to pace around some more. "Yours is very…"
"Very…?"
"Handsome," you respond meekly. "Very handsome."
Vante chuckles, and it is a sound so rich and deep you physically swoon, knees weakening some as you twist your body in the direction of your bedroom, needing to move around and let out some energy.
"So…" Vante begins, and you smile further as you mirror him, asking, "So…?"
"So, what are you wearing?"
After a pause, he clarifies, "To the date, I mean," with a tone that is playful and seductive.
With your free hand, you fidget with the bottom hem of your black sweater and almost regret considering an outfit so plain. You remind yourself that the plan is to string him along, at least for now.
Playing along with V's demeanor, you giggle, doing your best to sound shy. "Nothing too flashy…I was thinking a black tee tucked into black jeans. It's cooling down, so maybe my favorite oversized forest green flannel. And some black boots."
"And this tee…will it be a crew neck, or maybe a v-neck?"
You mentally pat yourself on the back for being the most clever person alive as you say, "A v-neck, in your honor, of course."
"Of course."
"And you?"
"I was thinking about wearing a tight white tee tucked into some tight black jeans. With boots, and maybe a flashy designer jacket."
You hum and close your eyes, attempting to remember Vante's body type in the many photos you have seen. As far as you remember, he is a bit muscular and seems on the taller side. Broad and masculine but not overly ripped.
"Emphasis on the tight," you tease.
Vante chuckles, forcing your eyelids to flutter closed, then he says, "God, there are so many things I want to say in response to that, but I feel I should save them for the second or third date."
"Wow," you respond, feeling a sudden shyness that only increases as he continues to laugh.
"Alright, pretty," he finally says, "just wanted to hear your voice quick, but I should let you get back to winding down. I have to finish up here and then catch my flight home."
"Sounds good. Safe travels."
"See you soon," Vante sing-songs, and you feel yourself swaying when you say, "Looking forward to it."
And then the call ends, snapping you back to reality. Your eyes focus on the top of your wooden dresser and you heavy-blink, reminding yourself that this is a mission and that you are not, under any circumstances, supposed to get close to either of these men.
But god damn does Vante sound real fucking sexy. This might be a problem.
* * *
The Marías play loud and dreamy as you twirl and sway through your room, holding your soft green flannel in both hands. It fans out with each movement, and you twist it dramatically to drape it over your shoulders.
Although you are dressed down in a tee and skinny jeans, you look good. The garments hug your curves nicely, and the shirt shows off just enough cleavage without it feeling like too much for a casual night at the bar.
You apply a little makeup to your eyes and cheekbones, then look over your jewelry, deciding on a simple pair of gold hoops and the necklace that you always wear – a small gold charm in the shape of a rabbit's foot dangling from a thin gold chain, for luck.
Although there is plenty of time to eat a meal before heading to the bar, you feel so antsy that you only manage to pick at a salad and some fruit. You chug some water and then check the time.
And with a deep breath, you decide to head out early and text your boss.
// these two conversations take place at the same time - you can use time stamps to track the back and forth if you want to //
With the phone you were using to text Vante slid into your small black leather purse, and the phone you were texting Seokjin with sitting facedown on the countertop, you swivel to the left in time to find the man who had been sitting across from you taking a seat one stool away.
"Hey," he mutters, head tilted down too far for you to see his face clearly. "I hope you don't mind that I join you on this side? Things over there got a bit too wild for my taste."
Two things stand out about the way this man speaks. The first is that there is a hint of an accent, especially on certain consonants, and it seems that he is speaking in a slow and measured way that almost makes his words feel somewhat forced. The second is that, despite feeling forced, his voice is very deep but also quite mellow and soothing.
Although he does not sound like the man you spoke to on the phone last night, there are enough hints of similarities that remind you of him. At least you are somewhat certain that this man is not Vante based on physical stature, but you decide to stay alert just in case.
"I don't mind," you respond, making your voice sound as sweet and inviting as possible.
The man, who seems to be wiping at his drink-dampened black shirt and jeans with a grey bar rag, looks up and regards you with a familiarity in his eyes that causes you to pause. You watch as his face comes clearly into view beneath the visor of the black baseball cap, and his eyes linger on you.
Time feels as if it slows down as you watch this stranger's eyes trace over your face. And then he blinks rapidly, gives his head a quick little shake, and chuckles.
"Sorry, you…" he begins, turning his attention back to his shirt, then glancing your way briefly to say, "you remind me of someone."
"Oh?" you ask, swiveling on your stool enough to fully face him.
The man hums, then sighs and lets his arms drape at his sides. He looks defeated; the wet mark on his shirt is pretty large.
"Lemme buy you a drink to make up for that person's sloppiness?" you ask with one of your wide, winning smiles.
He shakes his head and tosses the rag onto the bar, turning his body to face the counter but staying angled slightly toward you, tilting his chin at the two shots that have been neglected beside your purse.
"Looks like you're expecting someone."
"I was," you clarify, dragging out the 's' as you rotate toward the bar but keep yourself slightly angled at him. You glance back at the shots of Fireball. "I think I got stood up."
From the corner of your eye, you watch the man straighten up, and you smile to yourself as he mutters, "Oh! Oh, that's so unfortunate."
Although you should check to make sure Vante is still not receiving or responding to your messages, you feel bold enough to turn to the man and slide one of the two shots his way.
"Join me?" you ask. "Not as a date but just as…a person who can help me with these shots."
"Are you sure?" the man asks, reaching for the glass and eyeing it suspiciously. "What is this, anyway?"
Rather than answer, you watch the man lift the shot glass to his nose and frown. Through a giggle, you say, "It's Fireball," and reach for the second one.
"Cinnamon," he mutters in understanding rather than a question, and you nod, swiveling once more to face him. He concedes with a shrug, saying, "Alright," and your smile wider.
"Cheers," you say, holding your shot toward the man who mutters, "Yes, cheers. To accidentally having poor judgment and winding up beside one another."
You laugh as you tap your glass against his and lift the shot to your lips. The cinnamon flavor kicks you square in the mouth, cloying your senses with a bittersweet assault of artificial earthiness and heady whiskey.
The man winces and shakes his head, slamming his glass against the counter ungracefully and sticking out his tongue. You take the opportunity to tease him about his toast, asking, "Poor judgment, eh?"
With a deep, pretty chuckle, he says, "You made a date with a flake and I humored conversation with a slob."
Briefly, your gaze flicks to the woman who had been talking to him before, and she is shouting something while waving her arms emphatically, thankfully not holding a drink. When he finishes his statement with, "And here we are," you rip your gaze away and regard him.
This man is very attractive up close, with soft lips and a sharp stare. If you squint he would look similar to the photos you have seen of Min, only his nose is more straight and pointed, and his eyes appear to be a light hazel green.
You offer your right hand and introduce yourself as Sandra, sitting tall on the barstool and watching as he hesitates to lift his own.
"My English name is Cody."
"Cody," you mutter, feeling your lips fight the urge to smile, and you know that your eyes are widening, but you attempt to stay as straight-faced as possible. Cody is such a bro name, you would not have guessed it was his. Cody grabs onto your hand in a warm, firm shake that does not last long enough, and you ask, "And your non-English name? Or is that impolite to ask?"
"Not impolite," Cody responds, "just reserved for those close to me and when I travel back to Korea."
What are the odds that you meet someone from Korea while being stood up by Vante? At least you feel justified in the swirling thoughts that insist Cody seems similar to Min.
You even wonder if Min Cody, or Cody Min, could be someone's name. You hope that another drink will quiet those thoughts enough so you can have a pleasant conversation with him before walking back home. Once there, you can do some searches just to put your mind at ease.
"This round is on me," Cody insists as he sits high in his chair and reaches for the wallet in his front pocket.
Another loud group enters and files around the bar to where the two of you sit, and as you get the bartender's attention, Cody begins looking around behind the two of you.
"There's a hightop in the corner. Would you be comfortable going there?"
Although the bar is not too dimly lit that retreating to the corner would shroud the two of you in shadow, there is some comfort in being seated at the bar with a tender nearby. But the crowd only seems to get bigger and louder, settling on stools to your right while others stand behind those seated, and so you nod, already fed up with this group.
"Sure, yeah," you say as you slam back the remnants of your drink. "I'll secure us a spot."
"Gin and tonic?" Cody asks, stopping you in your tracks. An icy chill works down your spine, and you wonder how the hell he knows what you are drinking. But then he adds, "Or was it something with vodka?"
Although his addition assuages some of your discomfort, there is a nagging feeling that he somehow knows what the bartender poured for you, making you uncomfortable. Your drink was clear, so gin and tonic is a fair assumption.
"Y-yeah," you respond, testing him by saying, "It was gin and tonic. Tanqueray."
Had he watched the bartender, he would have known the man poured you Hendrick's. Cody seems unfazed.
"Sounds good," he says, adding, "I think I'll have that too," as you turn away with your purse clutched tightly in your hand and approach a tall round table in the corner with two stools sitting vacant beside it.
As you take a seat on the little wooden stool, you attempt to settle your pounding heart and unravel this situation mentally. The feeling nagging at you to be weary of Cody is quite present, but you are unsure whether it is him that makes you feel this way or if you are struggling to set aside the case that you are working on.
Seokjin has been going to great lengths to keep things secretive, which in and of itself causes disquiet. And now Cody carries similar enough traits with one of your targets that the foreboding nature of your job is all that you seem to be able to think about.
It is unfair to you for these thoughts to cloud your mind so heavily, and you hope that this next drink will help you relax. Sure there are a lot of coincidences, but this is a large city with a diverse population. Coincidences certainly can happen. Unfortunately, as soon as Cody approaches with the glasses, your bladder begins to ache.
"Thank you," you sing-song as you stand from the stool that you only sat on a moment ago. "I need to run to the bathroom quickly."
Cody responds, "Have fun!" and you giggle as you walk toward a small doorway off to the right that opens into a hallway containing two gender-neutral restrooms. As you enter the closest of the two rooms, you click the lock on the door handle in place, then begin to shimmy your jeans down and take a seat, fishing through your purse for the other phone and finding that Vante has, in fact, never seen your last messages.
You wonder if there is a chance that he has somehow found out that you are an officer attempting to make contact with him. But it would make more sense for him to simply still be in Europe, possibly just playing a game with you because he takes pleasure in toying with people. It seems dramatic even when you think about it, but what else could it be?
As you put your phone away, reach for toilet paper, and wipe yourself off, you take a deep breath in and out and try to center your thoughts. Tomorrow, you will regroup with Seokjin and form a new plan. If you have to wait a little while to get onto Min's tutoring list, it is not the end of the world. For tonight, you should just enjoy yourself.
With your pants buttoned and everything in place, you wash your hands, inspect your face and hair to verify that you still look as amazing as ever, and exit the restroom. Some top 40s song from the 90s plays that has a lot of the college kids shouting, and you return to your seat while Cody types something on his phone and then slides it into his front pocket.
"So do you always come to the bar alone and wear a baseball cap to hide your identity?" you tease, unsure where any of this is coming from but feeling a strange burst of energy. You reason with yourself that you still need verification that he is not Min.
Cody laughs, reaches for the hat, and pulls it off. His hair is clearly bleached blond and colored mint green, which is a little more difficult to see in the less well-lit corner. It falls over his forehead, parted down the center, nearly covering his eyes, and he looks dreadfully pretty.
"Is this look less threatening?" he asks, running a hand through it only for it to fall neatly in place again.
Once more, the nagging voice in the back of your head tells you that this haircut seems similar to the one in the surveillance photos of Min. You remind yourself that you have never seen the man in person and that your brain could simply be filling in information in an attempt to create patterns because that is what human brains do best. But the similarity is striking.
"Yes," you say after too long of a pause, angling yourself toward him, slightly to the left from facing the table.
"This one's for you," Cody says as he slides a full drink in your direction.
You take the chilled glass and lift it to your lips, then you playfully say, "And you didn't drug it, I assume?"
Cody does not immediately respond to what you say; he stares blankly for a split moment before blinking and chuckling. The pause makes you worry, but then he says, "I assure you I did not, but if you would like to switch—"
"No, no," you insist, feeling awkward for saying anything at all. If it weren't for all the time you spent shadowing the special victims detectives over the summer, you would likely not instantly assume that any drink offered from a stranger could be tainted.
With a sigh, Cody says, "Nah, here, switch with me. We'll just swap out the straws because I had a sip of mine."
Before you can respond, he gently pulls the drink from your fingers and replaces it with his own. You watch as he swaps the straws, feeling your mouth tug into a smile, and when he is finished, you pull the drink to your lips and have a sip.
"When the drug kicks in, you might have to walk me to a cab, though," Cody jokes, insinuating that he has now drugged himself, and you nearly spit out the gin and tonic that has barely had a chance to settle on your tongue.
"Oh my god, I'm sorry," he laughs as you struggle to keep your composure and swallow your first sip. You set that glass down and raise your hand as if threatening to backhand him, making him flinch and dramatically gasp.
Without thinking, you say, "You're a pain in the ass," making him laugh harder.
"It's not funny to joke about that, I know," he says, still chuckling. "But in my defense, you started it."
Rather than respond with words, you simply hum and have another sip through the straw. This seems to amuse him, causing the laughter to continue.
Conversation with Cody is nice and easy. He tells you that he is a student at a nearby university, and you tell him that you are also a student – the same lie you tell to everyone.
He talks about growing up in New York with one American parent but visiting Korea often, hoping that once he graduates he can spend more time with his family. You describe your past and relationship with your family with very general, distant details, excluding a lot.
The parents that come along with your fake identity are not too exciting; mom is a legal aid and dad is a veterinarian. You attend such a prestigious school to follow in their overachieving footsteps, blah blah blah.
By the time you discover Cody can speak three languages and has a deep love of anime, your drinks are empty. And although you should stop while you are ahead and call it a night, a large part of you wants to keep drinking.
"Another?" Cody asks, and you sigh, nibbling your bottom lip.
"I want to," you say, uncertainty in your tone.
Cody must pick up on it, saying, "But…"
"But I also don't want to get very drunk."
"We can switch to non-alcoholic," he offers, shifting around on his stool. "Or go somewhere else." You raise an eyebrow, and he lifts his hands as if in surrender, insisting, "No funny business! Just thought we could hang out somewhere quieter. Doesn't have to be one of our places. I don't live too close by anyway."
This surprises you a little. "No?"
"Nah," he shrugs, "I just like the atmosphere in this area more than where I live so I cab over to waste my time and cash here, instead."
Although you should not blurt, "I live nearby," you do anyway. In an attempt to not sound like you are trying to get into Cody's pants, you add, "But I don't know what we would do. I don't really watch TV."
"Have you eaten?" Cody asks, seemingly unfazed by your word vomit.
As if on cue, your stomach grumbles, and you giggle while shaking your head. You remember the meager amount of food you managed to eat before shuffling out into the evening.
"I had something light, so…no. Not really."
"Why don't we grab a bite nearby? Maybe that will give us the reprieve we both seek…I'm sure most food establishments aren't this loud and rambunctious."
The reprieve we both seek… It's nothing too big or wild, but it is just austere enough to make you think about Vante. Although you feel frustrated that your mind is so eager to continue circling back to him, you consider that if this were Min sitting before you, there is a good chance they both speak similarly. It could be a slip up.
"Or…not…" Cody says, and you rapidly blink out of your thoughts and shake your head, offering a smile and a giggle.
"I space out," you supply plainly, "a lot. Sorry."
"Ah," he responds, sitting up a little higher. "No problem."
"Do you eat meat? There's a burger shop nearby that I really like."
Cody smiles and shrugs. "I eat everything."
As you stand up to stretch, the room tilts. It catches you off guard, and you halt your movement, then do your best to breathe through it and blink it away. Cody has his head tilted down, putting on his hat, and you are thankful that he does not seem to notice.
With a smile, he lifts his hand and says, "Lead the way," but there is something different about his voice. Deep and inviting in a familiar yet unfamiliar way, and far more accented than it had been all night.
You shake it off and nod your head. Despite only having two drinks and a shot, you are not a heavy drinker as is, and on an empty stomach, it is enough to weigh you down and make you paranoid. You just need to get out into the cool open air and you will feel much better.
But your feet are heavy. Each step that you take feels weighed down, and there is a lightness to you that feels as if fog is simmering through your system. Alarm bells begin beaming through your body, and you worry that perhaps you should try to get rid of Cody and call Seokjin.
Cody places a hand on your lower back. "Everything alright, space cadet?" he asks in the same tone he has taken all night, and you nod.
You are certain he could not have done anything to your drink while you sat there and drank it with him. And if he drugged both drinks, he should be equally affected.
But if he did do something, you are not eager to draw attention to feeling sluggish. You think it would be best to just get rid of him somehow. It just becomes a matter of how much time you have before the effects hit you harder, if at all.
The two of you make your way through the bar, and you oddly feel much more in control when you are moving steadily rather than little by little. You forget all about getting rid of Cody and walk right to the burger spot around the corner.
But standing on line at the counter in the brightly lit space feels overwhelming, and it all comes back again. You open your mouth and say, "So," but catch yourself. So you really did drug my drink, huh?
"So?" Cody asks, leaning close, and you notice a musk that cuts through the deep-fryer stench. It's nice and rich, inviting but not cloying.
"So I usually get the bacon cheeseburger," you ramble, "and fries. But I imagine everything here is pretty good."
"Good to know," he responds, voice bright. You think his hand may be on your lower back again, but you are not quite sure.
When it is your turn to order, your mind screeches to a halt. You stare up at the white menu board with red text, and you cannot find words.
"Was it a bacon cheeseburger?" Cody supplies. "A number two?"
"Y-yeah," you respond, looking at the bored teen behind the register. "No tomato, please. And a soft drink."
"You?" the teen asks, eyes moving to Cody.
Cody hums, soft and dulcet. Hypnotizing. "I'll have the same, but with tomato please."
Without asking, Cody pulls out his card to pay. Only, when he begins to hold it out, he quickly pulls it back. "Actually," he mutters, "I should use this cash."
Although you are unable to see the name on it, you notice that it is a black card, which feels far too prestigious for a university student to have access to. You realize that neither of you told one another your age – you just assume he is close to yours.
The cashier gives the two of you a number and two empty paper cups, and you make your way over to the soft drink dispenser and stare at the options. Caffeine could make you feel better, but then you risk the chance of staying up late. Sugar might cause you to have a hangover in the morning, but you think you could risk it for some lemonade.
"Preference?" Cody asks, holding up the beverage cups.
You have gravitated to the ketchup dispenser to fill two tiny paper cups, still thinking about beverage options.
"Lemonade, please. With like…half ice? Not too much."
"Got it," he responds, holding one of the cups under an ice dispenser.
"Ketchup?" you ask.
"Two please."
You manage to get all four tiny paper cups of ketchup into your left palm, then turn to watch Cody securing plastic lids over both drinks and grabbing two paper-wrapped straws. The two of you sit, and you take your drink and straw with a small, "Thank you."
Perhaps it is the prospect of having food in your system that is causing you to feel more energized, but maneuvering through the booths and finding one along the wall is easy. You begin to wonder if maybe something about the gin and tonic was just off. Maybe you got hit with a wave of intoxication.
Once you get settled, Cody takes out his phone and smiles at the screen before typing out what you assume to be a response to a message. His smile lifts, showing off his gums and pearly teeth, and you catch yourself staring before blinking your gaze elsewhere.
Out of curiosity, you pull the phone from your purse and check to see if Vante ever saw any of your messages, and you frown at the discovery that he has not. His behavior is weird, but you suppose you were also planning on playing games with the guy. Still, being stood up is being stood up, and it is hard not to take it personally.
Cody continues typing away at his phone while you wait for your food, chuckling quietly from time to time and making you feel awkward for sitting here with nothing to say. It is not that you don't have people who you can also text, but it feels rude to do it when you are with someone in a restaurant.
Not that it is a date, nor do you two owe each other anything, you remind yourself, feeling silly for forgetting that simple fact. The two of you are just strangers who happened to meet and who decided to share a drink and a burger. Nothing more. In fact, if you remember correctly, Cody removed what looks like a wedding band from his ring finger earlier in the night.
Another grumpy teen brings your food in bright red baskets, and Cody finally puts his phone away. He smiles and says, "This looks great," and lifts his gaze to you for only a split second before looking back down.
Something in his eyes seems different, but you are unable to put your finger on what. They seemed sharper, somehow…almost seductive.
You reach for your food and dig in, doing your best to not moan when the grease hits your tongue. Conversation continues to be non-existent with the exception of Cody groaning through a mouthful about how good his burger is.
Once you are down to just lemonade and some wayward fries, you excuse yourself to the bathroom. Unfortunately, your bladder is on a bit of a timer when you consume alcohol, and the added liquid does not help.
You are grateful when there is no line and make quick work of relieving your bladder and washing your hands. The mirror is covered in stickers, but you lean forward on your toes and do your best to take in your state.
To your surprise, your pupils are constricted quite small, and you begin to worry all over again that something could have been added to your drink. Somewhat sluggishly, you turn and grip onto the door handle, yanking it open and feeling tired from every small movement.
Cody is back on his phone when you return, but he regards you with a polite smile and glances at you long enough for you to notice that his eyes seem perfectly normal – a sign that he likely did not drug both drinks, and evidence that he likely did not drug yours.
This fixation only makes you feel paranoid, and you wet your lips, eye up the rest of your food, and decide that you should call it a night. Cody's fries are all gone, and he barely has any soda left, which you find rather disappointing because you would have liked to leave alone. You suppose you still can.
"Well, I'm just down the block," you say, rubbing your hands, which begin to sweat, down your thighs. "It was nice to meet you."
"I would offer to walk you home," Cody says through a sigh, leaning back in a stretch, "but being that I am still a stranger, it may make you uncomfortable to have me knowing where you live."
You hum and nod to acknowledge and agree with what he says.
"But if you'd like I could sit on a phone call?" he offers, resting his arm over the back of the booth.
With a shrug, you shake your head to decline, but your mouth betrays you by saying, "Alright, sure."
"Yeah?" Cody asks, smiling brightly and sitting up from his relaxed position. He takes out his phone, and although you only catch a glimpse of his lock screen, there is something familiar about the image. It's the colors. Tan skin, greyish fabric, gold jewelry. You wonder where you may have seen it before.
Cody breaks you from your thoughts, asking, "What's your number?"
Once more, your mind draws a blank, and you search your brain. What is your phone number? "Uh…212...555…55…26—wait."
Cody looks up from where he is typing on his phone, and you realize you had given him your actual number and not the burner number that Vante has.
"That's my work phone, it's 5505."
With a light chuckle, Cody finishes saving your number. And then he must call you because your purse begins to vibrate.
"That's me," he says with a smile and a wave.
"Alright," you respond, reaching absent-mindedly for your cup of lemonade and taking a large gulp. Although you do not look at Cody, you can feel his eyes on you.
Your phone stops vibrating, but you open your purse and pull the device out, ready to call Cody back once you begin your walk. Not that you think you need to, seeing that your block is relatively safe and you are not shy about walking at night. You carry pepper spray and a knife in your purse, but you are also worried you may not have the coordination to wield either.
With a limp lift of your hand, you begin to wave, muttering, "Uh, thanks. I would have finished my drink and gone home feeling a little defeated tonight. It was nice to have company."
Why are you saying all of this? Cody is attractive, kind, smart, and has a fun sense of humor, but you were planning on just brushing him off. Plus he might be married.
He smiles and it is bright and disarming. From where he sits, his head is tilted back enough to see under his baseball cap, giving a view of his handsome features and long, pretty throat that bobs when he swallows.
"I'm glad," he says, voices soft and deep. "You also made my night better. I almost forgot all about how damp my sweater and jeans are."
"Almost," you repeat, smiling. Suddenly, you feel shy – why do you feel shy? "Alright, well…I'll call you."
"Okay," he says, smiling as he sits up.
You turn to leave, and the room tilts once more. So hard, in fact, that it makes you queasy. From the corner of your eye, you notice Cody sitting at attention, and you wonder if you visibly lurched.
"Ugh, I'm a lightweight," you complain, hoping to brush it off, but before making another move, it begins to feel as if the floor is sinking away.
"Sandra?" Cody mutters, "You alright?"
"Y-yeah," you insist, but you are not alright. Something is definitely wrong.
"Maybe I should call you a cab? Or something?"
You shake your head, "I live too close. It's not worth it."
"Alright, then how about I walk you? I'll keep my head down. I won't look at where we go."
Although you mean to laugh, it comes out in a scoff. "Alright, fine."
Cody is quick to get on his feet and slot an arm around your waist, holding you loosely but making you feel secure. The two of you walk through the somewhat tight path between booths, hips pressed against one another and warm, but then he gives you space as soon as there is some to give, only resting his hand against your back as he reaches for the door.
"How many drinks did you have?" Cody asks in a way that is gentle and not at all accusatory.
"Just what you saw," you respond sluggishly. "Two plus the one shot."
The two of you walk to the left and down the block. In the fresh night air, at a steady pace, you feel much more comfortable. It's the stopping and starting that seems to fuck with you.
At least the weather is nice – a chill in the air but not cold. The seasons are certainly changing, but at a pace you can acclimate easily to.
Cody hums some tune, and you keep wanting to ask him what it is, but you find that you are unable to make yourself speak. This causes your palms to prickle with anxiety.
"How long have you lived here?" Cody asks after about a block.
"A few years," you respond robotically, curious why you are suddenly able to talk without issue.
"I was wondering why a college student isn't living on campus. Then again…you seem too old to be living in the dorms." This line of conversation feels strange, but you can't pinpoint why. "Did you take some time off in between schooling?"
"No," you respond before you can stop yourself.
"Did you study something else before theater arts and music?"
"Yeah."
"Interesting."
Fear spikes, and you worry that he may ask you what you previously studied. It is so odd that you are so easily answering questions that you would ordinarily lie around – your undercover persona did not study anything before becoming a theater arts major. She traveled and worked at her father's veterinarian office as a receptionist while taking some time to decide what career path she wanted to take.
Cody stops abruptly, muttering, "Shit, my shoe is untied," pulling you from your spiral.
As he bends to sort that out, you lift your gaze from where it had been glued and unfocused to the sidewalk and look around. Just up ahead is your building.
"Oh," you say weakly, "we're here."
You continue on without your companion, putting one foot in front of the other and reaching for your purse, which is slung over your shoulder. Although you use this purse often, you struggle to get the zipper opened, and you stumble while focusing on it too much.
The hand on your back returns, helping you to feel steady, and Cody asks, "Need some help with that?"
Luckily, you find your keys and hold them up, feeling triumphant. Cody walks you to the front landing, up four short steps to the high Victorian door, and waits patiently as you attempt to grab hold of the correct key, only to drop them to cement in a loud clatter.
You feel frustrated as you say, "Fuck," and Cody is quick to bend and hold them out.
"Large gold one," you say, and he lifts the correct key and leans to slot it into the keyhole.
The last thing you want is for this stranger to walk you to your front door, but your dizziness is only increasing, and you are unsure whether you can make it to your second-story flat alone.
The brownstone you live in is just like any other – tall and old as fuck. As you enter and begin toward the stairs, every footfall can be heard, creaking in a greeting you are all too familiar with. The staircase is tall, and you grip onto the railing and make your way up. Cody seems to hesitate.
"I don't have to continue if you think you got it," he says.
Without stopping or looking back, you grumble, "Need my keys."
Cody meets you on the stairs, and with a hand on your back, gently presses you to walk up. You are grateful for his warmth and for his assistance.
And, at this point, if he tries anything once you are in your apartment, it will all be caught on camera. Not to mention, there is a Glock in your nightstand.
"Thank you," you mumble as you reach the top of the stairs and turn right to the tall white door. "Small gold key."
Inside your front pants pocket, your main phone buzzes with a notification that there is someone at your door. You ignore it, seeing as that someone is you.
Cody is quick to find the correct key and unlock your flat. He holds onto your arm while you kick out of your boots, and he toes out of his shoes and says, "Just want to get you a glass of water, okay?"
From where the two of you stand near the front entrance, there is a camera trained directly on both of your faces hidden in a bookshelf. You accept his offer and hobble off toward your room.
Your flat is somewhat of a rectangle. You enter into the living room, and to the right, straight ahead down a hallway is your large master bedroom. Tucked away on the left as you walk through the hallway is a kitchen and then a bathroom.
It feels too warm in your flat, pulling you off kilter, and you throw your purse toward your bed, which rests in the center of your room against the right wall, missing and watching it hit the floor in a loud thud. Then you stumble forward and fall to your butt on the edge of the mattress and begin to yank at the sleeves of your green flannel, wiggling about in an attempt to shed it from you.
Cody appears with a large plastic white cup and halts in the doorway. He shifts, and you catch him averting his eyes.
"Just trying to get rid of this thing," you grumble impatiently as the garment falls from your left shoulder but won't comply to go any lower. With a sigh, you give up and smile at Cody.
"You can just set it here," you nod toward your small wooden bedside table. "The door will lock when you leave. Thanks for the help."
Cody approaches slowly, and you wonder if it is meant to put you at ease – no sudden movements – but the anticipation begins to weigh on you. You want to lay down and go to sleep, and you want Cody to leave.
He smiles and levels his face with yours, eyes searching for something. Then he places the cup on the table and says, "I hope you feel better."
"Thanks," you mutter, wishing he would leave.
Cody bends and lifts your purse from the floor, which is open and spilling its contents. He sets it beside the cup of water and hands you your phone. Then he stands straight and fishes his own from his pocket, thumbing around before calling you.
He lifts the phone to his ear, and when you continue to stare, he tilts his chin toward the vibrating device in your hands. With a knit brow, you cock your head to the side but answer his call, lifting the phone to your ear.
"I figure that if I am being trusted to leave on my own, I should give you some assurance that I am, in fact, leaving."
"Okay…" you respond, drawing the word out. You could have all the assurance you need by watching the video footage from your hidden camera, but you suppose this is a kind gesture.
Cody smiles, lifts a hand, and waves. Then he turns and leaves the room.
"It was nice meeting you, Sandra," he says, drawing your fake name out nice and slow.
"You too," you mutter, heavy with sleep.
"Sorry the night ended this way."
You sigh. "Me too."
"If you ever want drinks and a burger again, let me know. I'm just a short cab ride away."
Briefly, you wonder if the two of you hit it off. It was fun and comfortable talking with Cody, but you are still concerned with how drunk you became – if that is what you can call whatever is happening to you.
"Alright," you respond too late, hoping to be polite.
In the living room, you hear some soft sounds and then the door opening. Although it is faint, you think you hear it closing, as well.
"I have left your humble abode," he says as the phone in your pocket buzzes with another notification to alert you that someone is outside your apartment.
You assume that the reason he insisted on calling was so that once he was outside of the apartment, you would only hear his voice through the phone. It is a nice gesture.
"Thanks again," you say, sighing with relief.
Through the phone, you can hear the steps creaking as he descends the stairwell. "My pleasure."
You begin to fade fast. Although you know that you should drink water, you twist your body, lift your legs onto the bed, and curl up. You feel too warm to care about your comforter, but you lament not having enough energy to get out of your jeans.
The phone ends up under your face. Miraculously, your cheek does not end the call.
"Tired," you mutter, feeling your eyelids flutter.
"It was so nice meeting you," Cody says, and in an instant, your blood turns cold.
That is the exact voice you spoke with on the phone last night. The accent is much more prominent, just as it was last night, and it is much more gravely. It is unmistakable.
He adds, "Sleep sweet, pretty," before hanging up, and you curl in on yourself, panting and shivering, hanging in a horrifying liminal space of being too afraid to want to sleep but too intoxicated to keep your eyes open.
'Cause I know what you're thinkin' about
Babe, I'll let you spin me around
I know what you're thinking about
Babe, I'll let you spin me around
Babe, I'll let you spin me around
Babe, I'll let you spin me around
🎵 visit the playlist!
the feelings of being drugged are all kinda made up but also based on the drug ghb. please do not feel the need to sully your internet searches! i will explain it all in detail in upcoming chapters. and you may have noticed that because mc is a detective and trying to figure out who these men are, there is a lot of talk about facial features and accents. this is in no way meant to fetishize these characteristics, it is simply detective work - i tried to keep it as broad/general as possible. the little ploy that was played at the bar is based on something called "operation fireball" - google it if you're into true crime!
also!!! please never take a drink from a stranger or leave a drink unattended!!!
CAN YOU TRACK WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE THAT MC IS COMMUNICATING WITH??? everything will be made clear soon, but feel free to speculate!!! readers of the taegi pov probably already know what's going on, but mc pov purists will have all the questions answered quickly, as well!!! don't worry. 🤍
ARE WE HAVING FUN? QUESTIONS??? CONCERNS??? REBLOGS AND COMMENTS ARE THE LIFEBLOOD OF THIS SITE, BUT LIKES ARE ALSO SUPER APPRECIATED!!! 🤍🤍🤍 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! I LOVE YOU! DRINK SOME WATER AND STRETCH YOUR NECK!!!
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White Lies is copyright 2023 theharrowing, all rights reserved. No translations or reposts allowed!
#yoongi x reader#taehyung x reader#taegi x reader#taegi smut#bts poly#bts yandere#bts angst#bts smut#bts social media au#undescribed#undescribed images#fic: white lies
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I DID IT
hit my deadline to get my manuscript to the editor with 2 hours to spare!!
The Spirit Well is currently clocking in at just shy of 78k words. That's over 10k added from what the beta readers read. There are two new chapters and so many scenes that have been completely rewritten. And all in under 27 days 🙃
Don't be like me. Don't try to do all that in less than a month.
I still feel like the ending is rushed and I wasn't able to get in my normal crutch word pass (I'll do it post-editor). I also have a few very minor notes for myself that I want to try to cram in post-editor.
But for now, it's time to relax, and by relax, I mean play BG3.
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This isn’t a question as much as it is an agreement with your last ask (talking about how romance is both looked for and expected from IFs). I’m personally pansexual and love a good harem, but it is growing more and more evident that that is what readers/players are expecting from our stories/games. Maybe it’s a maturity issue with the fans begging for more romance options and the anger when a plot point doesn’t play out the way they want; but you also see that with grown adults in other fandoms—namely Star Wars or A Song of Ice and Fire.
I enjoy writing romance and I do write it, but that is not the only thing my stories are about. It gives me anxiety when my readers expect more than what I’ve promised. And I always gaslight myself into thinking that I should be giving them what exactly they want instead of writing for myself.
I suppose I do have a question: how do you maintain fan expectations in your IF and stay true to your vision with/without worrying about their opinions? <3
Unfortunately, there is no way to stop your audience from having expectations that don't match up with the story you want to tell or where you want to take your characters. This is a normal part of writing fiction--everyone is going to have an opinion, everyone is going to want different things, and some people are going to be disappointed when you don't follow through with the thing they imagined in their head.
And, as an author, it can be a lot to handle.
Managing feedback--whether it's criticism, wildly off the charts expectations and assumptions, hate messages, or actual constructive critique--is a skill. It takes time to learn how to manage it without feeling like you're attacked and need to go on the defensive. It can also be really hard not to sit with all of this feedback and want to change your whole story to fit your audience's demands.
There's no easy way to get used to this. I think a good starting place is to have a dedicated beta group--either your playtesters, an editor, a few trusted friends with whom you share in-development things--so you can get genuine feedback before you put it into the public eye. It's really easy for writers to isolate themselves because it's a one-person job, but you need to have people with whom you can safely share the unpublished stages. Once something gets published, it's a free-for-all and you can't control how people react to your work, positive or negative. You cannot rely on that for the kind of feedback you would get from a beta group.
Furthermore, you are not writing for one person, regardless of how many times they ask (if they want something personalized, they can commission you). A lesson that was stressed to me in grad school is how fragile a playwright's new work can be when it is in the workshop/staged reading stage. People are giving you their opinion constantly. You make changes, you make edits, you come back one day with a whole new draft of Act 2 and the actors have to adjust. It's really easy to want to make changes to the characters so they better suit the actors originating them. Sometimes actors make demands because they had an idea about the character they are playing and they were really excited about it and they come to you with questions. The fate of a play is that it will be performed multiple times by many actors, not just the first one.
My supervisor told me: "Don't write the role for the actor--their job is to play the character you wrote, not the other way around."
And I think this can be applied to IF. Be clear about the direction of your game from the beginning. If players want something that isn't part of your vision, it's OK for them to voice that--but they may also have to accept that this isn't the type of game for what they want.
At the end of the day, you need to let your audience have their opinions on your work. That doesn't mean you're obligated to listen to them.
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2023 recap + 2024 plans
i wrote 261,200 words in 2023; 172,500 of those for Whispers, 88,700 for Goddess-Touched!
i read 16 books to completion, beta'd for an additional 2, am currently reading 3, and got partway through 5 others before having to put them down.
i maintained my streaming schedule with only a handful of emergency-related exceptions, and drew, uh, a shit ton over the course of the year!
writing goals for 2024:
fix Echoseers (full stylistic rewrite, along with some plot tweaks)
finish the first draft of Goddess-Touched (and edit it hardcore as well)
work on as-yet-unnamed book 4 of tms
fix up Whispers with the added feedback of beta readers
start querying Whispers (i'll look into self publishing down the road if i don't end up finding an agent. the way my brain functions i must cling to the hope of not having to market it myself tooth and nail for the time being)
POTENTIALLY. if my brain fixates on it. write the script for The Lost so that i actually have something to work with to make the comic happen
one of my offline friends is starting to get into writing, and im hoping to help them through some of the early rough patches and potentially co-write a thing with them!!
i completely dropped the ball on the weekly writing updates so im gonna try and get back to that on wednesday. and potentially get back into the weekly ask games!
non-writing goals for 2024:
youtube. i want to make speedpaints and worldbuilding videos and shit. ive already made the basic animation stuff to have a lil sona to do the gesturing for me and i know how to make videos i just havent done it in a While
twitch!! i want to stream a bit more often because its fun and if i let myself branch out into video games as well as art itll be easier to do that. u might see me streaming in the evenings sometime soon. (psst im not streaming this weekend as im still doing a shit ton of holiday/social stuff but the weekend of the 13th ill be back to both patreon and twitch baybee)
SPEAKING OF i want to get my shit together enough to do like. monthly short story releases for my patrons/ko-fi members. early access, that is, so if i post one in january, it'll be posted here a month or two later for all to see/read
i want to read as many books as i did in 2023, if not more! im also considering adding book reviews/thoughts to youtube or patreon/ko-fi perks
my weekend hiatuses aren't going anywhere. having time where im not actively engaging with tumblr + don't feel obligated to do Anything online has done wonders for my mental health and i highly recommend it. focus mode on my phone and leechblock on desktop has helped so so so much
and that's all i'm sharing here!! i hope 2024 is a better year for all than the last <3
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Weekend WIP Game
Tagged by @wikiangela @jesuisici33 and @daffi-990
Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only write one fic at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more)
1. WIP List:
Love list Buddie
Motorcycle fic
Buddie MMA Rivals AU
Someone to be Gentle- Buddie fic
For you mi amor, I choose death/Buddie Mafia
Librarian AU/Let me check you out
The heatwave fic
You make bad day infinitely better
Buddie rodeo/Alright Cowboy, Go Get 'Em
Vampire/Werewolf Buddie/Halloween fic
Only the already bad can be influenced/Crop top and short shorts fic
Street racing/Fast and Furious AU
Buddie- You belong with me fic
Buck & Eddie wedding- Something wrong in the village
Awkward Sex Buddie
Post lawsuit- I'll Call Your Mum fic
LA Zoo tiktok guy Buck
Buck gets dumps, gets drunk with Eddie and thinks they slept together fic
Don’t go where I can’t follow fic
sword buddie pt. 2/ Under the Guise of Violence
2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest?
So technically Alright, Cowboy, Go Get 'Em is sitting at 17,852 words but most of that is chapter 1 and 2 which I’ve already posted. Unpost WIP is Buddie MMA Rivals AU ( I don’t mind if we fight, If you make me bleed) which is sitting at 4,681 words, plus a few thousand more in planning.
3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest?
Buddie MMA Rivals AU has 9 chapters planned, others might get longer like For you mi amor, I choose death/Buddie Mafia or Street racing/Fast and Furious AU but I haven’t planned them out yet so I’m not sure.
4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?
I’m really enjoying writing Only the Already Bad Can Be Influenced/Crop top and short shorts fic it’s so ridiculous and I’m enjoying writing something so silly.
5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?
Post lawsuit- I'll Call Your Mom fic Definitely, in fact, I haven’t even started this fic because I know it’s going to be a tough write and I wanted to be in the right headspace myself before I tackle the tough subjects that are going to be in it. It kinda scares me, I don't want it to send me into a depressive spiral but I also know it will be kinda cathartic so 🤷🏻
6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?
Librarian AU/Let me check you out and You make bad day infinitely better because I'm writing them from someone else's idea. Like don't get me wrong I love the ideas but I'm constantly doubting if it's what they had in mind and if I'm actually doing it justice.
7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why?
I don't usually get my fics beta read (not that I'm against it.) But I'll probably get my angst fics that deal with hard topics a sensitivity reader to make sure I'm dealing with them with respect. I do send snippets to @eddiediaztho and we've brainstormed a few ideas for some of these WIPs.
8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block?
Oh yeah all of them at some point and most of them atm.
9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them?
No major oc, just a few names here and there especially in Alright, Cowboy, Go Get 'Em because none of the fire fam are in this fic so I had to create some characters to be in Buck and Eddie’s life.
10. Which WIP is the sexiest?
I don't know I write a lot of smut. I suppose it depends because in sword buddie pt. 2/ Under the Guise of Violence and For you mi amor, I choose death/Buddie Mafia I'll probably be writing kinks I haven't before but I really want The heatwave fic to be super sexy like all the feel and just filthy sex (think @forthewolves vibes).
11. Which WIP is the angstiest?
Post lawsuit- I'll Call Your Mom(Noah Kahan) fic deals with Buck's terrible headspace after the lawsuit and something he tries to do to end it all or Don’t go where I can’t follow fic in which Buck is dying and Eddie is begging him to stay. Both will have happy/hopeful endings because that's something I need.
12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)?
Either You Make Bad Day Infinitely Better or Someone to be Gentle- Buddie fic I think both of them really take the time to get into Eddie's head and what he's thinking and feeling. Also, Chapter Two of Alright, Cowboy, Go Get 'Em explores Buck and his insecurities (sprinkled in between the smut of course).
13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)?
Alright, Cowboy, Go Get 'Em because of the Rodeo and the time I put in researching rodeos and bull riding. However I also like the more subtle setting of You Make Bad Day Infinitely Better- Eddie's child's home; the backyard, their childhood hideout and his old room. The setting plays a big part in the story so I tried to pay a lot of attention to it and make it as detailed as possible.
14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?
Probably the ones that I've had to research a lot for so Alright, Cowboy, Go Get 'Em and Buddie MMA Rivals AU. Also, all the artwork I've done/doing of Rodeo Star Buck.
15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why?
Ohhh Alright, Cowboy, Go Get 'Em because it's the longest fic and my first multi-chapter fic.
16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?
No, but I do turn some dreams into wips.
17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that that your other fics don't?
Street racing/Fast and Furious AU probably because it's based on a movie and I haven't done an AU based on another story yet. And it's going to have street racing which will be interesting to write.
18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour?
Buck gets dumps, gets drunk with Eddie and thinks they slept together fic is going to be silly and goofy and I can't wait to write it.
19. 9. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process?
No, but I do want to eventually, I'm still getting used to writing Buddie and fanfiction in general.
20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs
So I was right, no one was able to guess what WIP my Out of Context Line was from! It's from Someone to be Gentle- Buddie fic which is a 5+1 fic: Five times Buck is gentle with Eddie + One time Eddie repays his gentleness. It's based on my poem of the same name! The snippet is from the first chapter called To Hold Me While I Cry.
tagging (no pressure): @wildlife4life @eddiebabygirldiaz @disasterbuckdiaz @spotsandsocks @try-set-me-on-fire @bekkachaos @buddierights @forthewolves @911-on-abc @hippolotamus @shitouttabuck @911onabc @exhuastedpigeon @eddiediaztho @your-catfish-friend @loserdiaz @ladydorian05 @watchyourbuck @king-buckley @chaoticgremlinwholikescheese @fortheloveofbuddie @steadfastsaturnsrings @mangacat201 @theotherbuckley @hoodie-buck @eowon @rainbow-nerdss @nmcggg @pirrusstuff @evanbegins @giddyupbuck @sammy-souffle
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I'm a terrible person with words, but here I go. (using a translator, my English is a little shit when it comes to writing and a little bit when it comes to pronunciation, ha!)
I would like to say with ALL my heart that I love your work and the writing in "Sing to Me", my heartbeat even accelerates when I remember the existence of this work of art and how wonderful the sensation was, the euphoric feeling of read each chapter and see all the care and dedication put into it. I have immense affection for Raiden, Sam (and Monsoon :)). Seeing how complex they are in the story brings me immense satisfaction, and I just wish all the positive recognition for you, it's impeccable.
(There's a lot I'd like to express, like my hyperfocus- but hey, I'm a terrible person at showing appreciation and affection, I hope you got the message anyway :))
hugs and kisses from a Brazilian! 🇧🇷❤
Oi, não se preocupa! Não sou falante nativo, mas entendi muito bem. Da próxima vez, você pode me escrever em pt-br (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)
Thank you so much!! I am really happy to know that you enjoy my work 💕
Honestly, every time someone tells me that they enjoy Sing to Me so much, I am getting really happy. This fic means a lot to me and gives me lots of strength and stability, although on the outside it might look that I am not doing much for it for the past year (I do, it's just background work that I can't show T_T massive spoilers and so on). But I mean, I kept saying that each time somebody came to my inbox about it for the last months.
And I am so glad to know that you're feeling like this for each chapter you've read so far!
This fic in itself is really complex and long, I could give you a rough estimate of around ~100 Chapters for the main story (Those would be just arc 1-3, the series, however, has 6 arcs in total excluding the 2 AUs). Sooo... let me say, you've got a lot to look forward to, I suppose :3
Also I hope that you'll be curious about the revisions too. Chapter 5 and 6 will have a darker tone than their current version that is on AO3 at the moment, but also will be much better in quality. Chapter 6 will have major changes I think, especially the second halve of it.
I am all giddy and excited myself whenever I think about all the plans I have for this story. The drama, the comedy, the (bitter-) sweetness, but also the chaos, the pain and the darker parts of this fic.
I wish I could go on a ramble but it's so many spoilers lmao
And I don't want to take that away from my readers. If anything, I might drop a few essays about Raiden and Sam that I've got on my to-do list at some point, that in some cases will directly tie to Sing to Me as well.
The series also goes in great detail about Sam's past and who he is as a person because I was a bit dissatisfied with how most fics for this pairing at least that I've read didn't come up with much for his past (but I still liked all of them regardless), hence I went a little bit insane about him.
To the point that Sam is technically my OC now (according to my beta reader) lmao
Jsyk, this is my current graph view of my Obsidian vault for Sing to Me and all the dots that connect to him:
My vault is an absolute mess still tbh because the program is a bit overwhelming when you don't know where to start, so this is far from how complex this fic actually even is.
What I can tell you pretty much spoiler free is that the series is complex because timeline wise, it starts in the year of 2001 and ends (technically) in the year of 2026.
I say technically because ARC3.5: The War in Heaven goes a bit crazy with science fiction elements and time is... let's say, "relative".
The main fic spans from 2019 until 2023 btw.
The prequel (ARC0: I Come with Knives) is entirely about Sam's past, from his POV entirely, and a collaboration with @thatthereneverwas since he originally requested me to write it.
Basically adding more Sam lore that we definitely need :3
Please don't hesitate to come to my inbox or DMs if you want to chat about Sing to Me, samuraiden or just Sam or Raiden with me! I don't bite :]
Monsoon is also my favourite from the Winds of Destruction aside from Sam, so I get you! I've been thinking of maybe including him in the fic as well, but it's uncertain how so yet, and if it will just be a flashback of some sort 🤔
But I take notes as I go, we'll see :3
Beijos pra você também 💞
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THIS! This tag game seems so fun! Made by the amazing @ronald-speirs!
Favorite place in the world you’ve visited?
That would be either the alps in Germany or the Salinas beach, here in Brazil! I adored both the snow and thes amount of stuff i find at the beach there
Something you’re proud of yourself for?
The amount of progress I made since being diagnosed with autism, depression and anxiety. Even if I stopped going to therapy, I feel like the diagnosis (esspecially the autism one) shed so much light on my life, and I was able to makes the world around me (even if just at home) more confortable for myself by understanding myself more and adjusting the way I do things so it's easier on me.
Favorite books?
Hmmmmm let's see- the Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children series, obviously, but I also LOVE The Book Thief, American Gods and definetely Warrior Cats (I only read the first arc, so Idk how good's the rest xD)
Something that makes your heart happy when thinking about it?
My dog and my characters! Love them :]
Favorite thing about your culture?
Hmmmmmm probably food? But I'm extremely picky so I don't even eat most of our stuff 💀 i do love feijoada, brigadeiro, pastel and coxinha tho- Idk about the rest KAKAKAKA other than that, the slangs. So cool. Love it
When did you join the HBO War fandom? What was the first show you watched?
Back at the end of 2022 or early 2023 was when I first heard about it, but as for officially joining...? Probably like. 5 or 6 months ago? I have no idea what time even is-
The first show was Band of Brothers :D
Have you read any of Easy Company’s books? If so, which ones were your favorite?
Nope. And won't.
Favorite HBO War character and your favorite moment with them?
Webster. Him shoving himself on the ground was the best. Just like me fr💕
Do you make content for any fandoms, if so; what sort of content?
Uhhhhh I make memes and occasionally fanart? I wouldn't classify this as content but when I'm really into something I take some aspects of it for my own world, so I can always keep it close to me, even if the hyperfixation faded a bit with time
Favorite actor/actress and your favorite film of theirs?
I know no one- but I do like Bud Spencer and Terence Hill's movies. They are the only actors I know the name of 💀 I like the funny coeboy movies, many good memories watching them with dad when I was a kid (and still doing so, every now and then)
Favorite quote/s that you wish to share with others?
"I'll beat you with a dead cat 'till it starts mewing" - a popular brazilian saying (the best ever)
Random fact your mutuals/followers don’t know about you?
HmmmmmmmmI share so much about myself that I don't even know 💀 probably that I once fell facefirst on a river when I was 4, while I was fishing? That was A Day
If you’re a writer, do you need a beta reader (say yes so I can be your beta reader 🤭)?
I don't write much but!! I did write something yesterday about my characters and idk if I should post, but if you're interested, I can show you :D
Three things that make you smile?
My dog, my characters, birds
Any nicknames you like?
Based off my real name I like "Rah", but only when used irl. As for the internet, I love Pretz! And I have a special one my best friend @isazmoon gave me, which is Pretzu, but this ones I feel like it's only hers :3
List some people you love to see around on tumblr!
@1waveshortofashipwreck @xxluckystrike @ronald-speirs @ronsparky @minha-xuh @whollyjoly @sweetxvanixlla!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!! AMAZING PEOPLE!!
What would you do during a zombie apocalypse?
What would I live for, my stupid ass can't even run 😭 i'd die fast as fuck. And I know all my friendswould die too so we all just perish together 💕💕💕 friendship goals
Favorite movie?
How To Train Your Dragon? Wolfwalkers? Saving Private Ryan? Pirates of the Caribbean? Can't probably choose only one, it's torture
Do you like horror movies?
Ehh, not much? I prefer animations
Tags (no pressure): @xxluckystrike @whollyjoly @ronsparky @sweetxvanixlla @grumpy-liebgott @1waveshortofashipwreck @blueberry-ovaries @minha-xuh (hey Gih, if you want you can take off the HBOwar bits and/or replace them with MPHFPC, since you're from another fandom, feel free!)
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instagram
It all started here. I woke up and looked at 'my' Discord server for the bloated tic of a fanfic (hey that rhymes, neurospicy two seconds!) I write with my partner SonaBeanSidhe, Aran Thranduil's Dining Hall. There hadn't been enough tea yet so the natural response was 'wth is this?' Well, THIS was going to Hoover my next two days and counting. Just visit the post, dear friends of the writing persuasion and you would see (I'll save you time because I'm nice this way) that there are many screenshots supporting just what the meme says: This Instagram OP knows a writer who found herself in a steaming pile of mess with the Google Docs TOS (which is really also the Google Drive TOS, making it somewhat difficult to locate said TOS. I'll save you more time. Here:
This information comes from https://support.google.com/docs/answer/148505#zippy=%2Csexually-explicit-material
So, it was the act of sharing the files, not having created or stored them that triggered what had happened. Okay, still not reassuring.
In the meantime, I was concerned enough to post what had happened to r/FanFiction.
Within minutes, my post had been frozen by the mods there. I can see their concern. I believe they had only seen the meme-like first screen of the Instagram post, and it does come off like a bad Snopes Fail. They asked me for more proof.
The first thing I did was a search for previous instances of Google having frozen Drive accounts previously. They are limited, but they exist. The concern here had to do with the current lack of information as to why the action happened, and whether we who collectively authored and had shared Docs with explicit content were about to have our Drive accounts fall before the scythe of an overzealous AI rollout on the part of Google. Which led to the second part of this. My first response to the mods was as follows:
A little while after I sent this, an update appeared on the Instagram OP's account (easy to find) so I added this:
The salient point of the update was that the author had received restored access to her Drive, but NOT the Doc that had started the entire difficulty.
I waited for a response. And waited, and waited. In the meantime, I had no means to add to, respond to, anything to my original post or defend myself against some fairly sharp initial criticisms leveled against me by individuals who clearly hadn't read anything beyond the initial meme. Special. While I understand a sub this large likely has a lot of messages to field, I also felt that given they managed to freeze my post in a matter of minutes, they were really taking their time responding. So I weighed in on Instagram with a message of support. If nothing else is taken away, please take this: Back up your files. It's easy to create an alt Google account; this other account will have its own Drive storage. Share your folders and files with yourself. If you don't already realize, in Docs under the File dropdown menu the third option is Make A Copy. If you have shared the original document 75 times, you won't have shared that copy at all. Consider backing up your works to Indie platforms like Get Hermit, Ellipsus and The Quill. There may be others. Your own external hard drive is also a very good idea. But wait, you ask. What about just using MS Word, or having copies as a PDF file in the Adobe cloud? Not so fast, my friend. Look at Microsoft and Adobe's TOS regarding sexually explicit content...you'll get an unpleasant surprise. I did.
In the meantime, a third update came from the OP on Instagram shedding far more light as to what had likely gone wrong. She had shared the Doc with she guessed 18-20 people as beta readers. The belief is now that one of these persons actually turned her in to Google via their abuse form. To quote one of the commenters on that update: "I heard from an agent that Google will only do this to your account if someone reports it. Google isn’t scanning docs for explicit content (except maybe images), but yeah, for this to happen, someone had to report her document to Google." This felt like a relief...and yet is still packaged inside a cautionary tale. How many of us have shared by 'whoever has this link'? I have, or rather, I had. I revoked all such permissions to all large stories and folders in favor of my few trusted long-time friends and beta readers. The works are on AO3. I don't need those Docs links to be free floating all over the place, not after seeing what can happen.
I was on vacation in England some years prior when I realized I had lost the ability to send out all outgoing Gmail. It took me several days to figure out what had gone wrong and nearly lost me my ability to receive Covid test results at a time when that was a travel necessity...almost disastrous. Fortunately I had multiple email accounts and could work around the problem. Which brings me to the last of this.
While including the subreddit mod's responses here may seem retaliatory/petulant on my part...I'm at best miffed at their shortsightedness, maybe mildly insulted, mostly shaking my head at the fact that there is something to have been learned here that could have affected any one of us. No one was spreading misinformation. Something had indeed happened. The source of it had been unknown at the time of posting. Had they left my post alone I would have gladly redacted as it unfolded; the reason for placing it on that sub was not to create a giant stir but to let others know of the risk of this happening at all and to encourage backing up that which most writers invest a considerable amount of their emotional well-being; the safety of their written works. Yes, I'm neurodivergent. No, I don't always see the world as others do. No, I still don't think this difference allows the response to be interpreted as much other than a slight and working against the interests of authors (I'm on their side and last I checked, readers need the authors to have the things that are written in order to have the things to read. Just saying). Whatever, what really matters is, if you feel this is worth sharing, share, take away the important bits, and if someone out there just wants to write it up in 3 sentences so it isn't a tl;dr, do that too.
Have a Googly day, to all near and far, in these times in which we live...>.>
#google docs#google drive#terms of service#writing#fanfic#slash fanfiction#smut fanfiction#service provider#beta reader#Instagram
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heart's got teeth
summary: tired of never seeing your boyfriend after his hunts, you stay awake and interesting things happen.
rating: M, if i see a single one of you minors anywhere near this we are going to have a long talk about how you have got to wait until you're eighteen for this
word count: 4697. i do not want to talk about it.
tw: blood, vampires, a bit of dirty talk, biting, bruising, hurting other people. it's kind of self explanatory when i mention vampire austin. blood kink. a lot of blood, like it's a bit much.
author notes: blame the discord, ana, gabby and basically any long haired picture of mr. austin butler. oh and that one pic from the dead don't die. yeah i am apparently going to write fix it fics, whole love letters to priscilla and elvis and reader inserts that are dirty af with maybe a fluff on the side. i don't know what this fandom has done to me?? also forgive me i am secretly a boomer when it comes to editing my tumblr posts, so if something messed up someone's got to tell me. also totally not beta read because i like to pretend i don't need one.
It should have freaked you out when he told you, he had thought it would freak you out when he told you after all not many people react to finding out someone they care about is a vampire. Sure, it's always a cliche that when you're dating someone you'd find it so cool if they were a vampire but that's for movies and television, not in real life. Except when Austin sat you down one night looking more nervous than you've ever seen him- with the exception of when he had been waiting to hear from Baz about Elvis- you found yourself joking from the moment he had told you.
"Is this why you have such a baby face? Not just good genes but being a vampire? That's just mean, Austin, you should have saved some for the rest of us."
The resulting smile and laughter you got back could have powered the entire west coast for years to come. It's that moment that told you you were in it for the long haul with him and that death itself would have to come between you. The problem was that Austin always needed more blood than you could give. You'd offer time and time again but it was always the same song and dance.
"Baby, I can't take that much from you," or "darling, I don't know if I could stop myself."
It was bullshit, in your opinion, you were a grown woman, if you wanted your boyfriend, the love of your life to feed from you so much you almost passed out then who was he to stop you. Besides maybe someone who might have known better since he had been a vampire for as long as he had and someone who knew how much blood he requires.
Okay so maybe you knew he had a point which is how you and him had come to the agreement that whenever he needed to feed an excessive amount beyond what you could take from your own vein by needle that he'd go out and take what he'd need from others only to come home to you and your life. It was a simple enough arrangement but Austin complicated it by never coming home when you were still awake. At first it didn't bother you because for all you knew he just lost track of time or it took longer to find willing victims who wouldn't spill his secret the second his fangs would enter their skin. However it kept happening over and over again and it seemed no matter how late you stayed awake you'd always find yourself in bed tucked into a clean and put together Austin Butler.
It was in a singular word- infuriating. He wasn't cheating, he wasn't gallivanting around, he was just doing what he had to do to survive but he wasn't letting you be a part of it. He was shutting off a part of his life- hell he was shutting you off from him actually sustaining himself so he could live a life.
Tonight was going to be different though, you had made sure of it. Austin had left hours earlier with a soft kiss on your forehead as he tried not to wake you up from a nap and you had woken up an hour or so later ready to stay up until the break of dawn if you had to because this was it, this was when you would see just how your boyfriend looked when he arrived home. In hindsight, this was perhaps the worst idea you had ever had in your life.
Austin knew better than to show up even remotely before midnight, knowing your night owl tendencies would make it impossible for him to sneak by you to shower without seeing him covered in blood that wasn't yours or his own. He chose 1AM, his usual time to open the front door slowly without turning on any of the lights. It was situations like this that made him thankful for his heightened vision at night, without it he's positive he'd run into every chair and bit of furniture between the front door and the master bedroom of the house. Normally he'll check to hear your breathing the subtle rise and fall of your chest to make sure you were asleep but tonight had been particularly rough and all he could dream about was the shower and your body curled up against his. He shifted a little as he stood for a second, trying to remind himself that he couldn't climb into bed just yet. Maybe once he did though, he could lick you awake and watch you- okay no he needed to shower first, then contemplate how he was going to wake you up.
You had heard the front door open and carefully tried to not move a single muscle until you heard the creek of your bedroom door open. The moonlight manages to illuminate Austin's silhouette enough that your tongue darts out to lick your lips. You've never known yourself to have a blood kink- maybe a small one like all girls- but seeing your boyfriend like this sends such a shock to your core rest you have to stop and remind yourself of the plan and stop yourself from just moaning. Austin's white shirt is ripped and covered in blood with his neck practically drenched. There's a part of you that knows you should be concerned about the amount of blood but all you can think of is how Austin had to have looked at the time to leave such a mess. It's in that moment that you can't help the huff of air that leaves your mouth just picturing Austin's face buried in another person's neck, sinking his teeth into them-
"Baby?"
Shit. You were caught. It crossed your mind to stay silent and try and fake being asleep but then what would be the point of you still being awake. Still you stopped yourself from answering immediately and waited to hear Austin once more.
"I can hear you breathing, darling."
"That's creepy, Aus." You replied back without even missing a beat. Not the smartest thing for you to do, but you also knew you weren't wrong in saying that.
His hand moved to the light switch by the door and he stopped just short of turning it on. He knew what would happen when he did that, you'd see him covered in someone else's blood and run away screaming. He hasn't decided if he wants to risk it yet, if he wants to lose you yet. Thankfully you chose now to be a smart-ass and he can't help but chuckle.
"You're up late, you're gonna-"
Rather than hear him lecture you about staying up late you cut him off with a simple sentence as you stood up and started to walk up to him. "I stayed up to see you." Your eyes drifted to the light switch. "Turn on the light, Austin. Please."
He never had been able to resist you when you said please like you had earned it. It was never begging, it was always a simple please knowing that he couldn't deny you with what you deserved. His head shook and he found himself trying to come up with excuses as to why he wasn't going to before he looked at your face and saw your eyes pleading with him. Later on he would blame his response on the thrill of his hunt still strumming a steady beat of "take take take" in his head but you both know there was something else at play and he found his eyes drifting down to your neck where he sees your arteries taunting him and he shudders just slightly before doing as you asked.
If Austin looked gorgeous in the moonlight, seeing him in the light of your room puts him in the realm of a Greek God. Your tongue darts out to lick at your lips and you found yourself moving in front of him and before he had a chance to stop you your cheek was rubbing against the blood on his neck. You nuzzle your way up to his cheek, placing soft kisses as you do and your hand snakes up to cup his chin so that he's looking at you. It occurs to you that your face looks like a mirror image of your boyfriend's covered in blood and you tried to bite back the slight groan that exits your mouth at the thought before realizing that no, he needs to hear what this is doing to you.
"Y/N," He chokes out, trying to look anywhere but you and your now blood covered lips. He has had dreams of this, dreams of you hunting with him and coming back covered in blood he could just lick off of you slowly, after all you two were busy people you couldn't afford to waste a good meal. He forces himself to swallow after his tongue darts out to wet his lips. "What are you doing? I'm- you've got blood on you."
You look up at him through your eyelashes, batting them ever so slowly, a grin forming on your face. "I do, don't I? Oops. I just wanted to touch you, kiss you, show you how much I missed you." Your tongue runs across your lips slowly, licking at some of the blood on them. "Is that a problem?"
Austin's eyes narrow in on your lips and your tongue before he just snarls, flashing his canines as he picks you up. Here you were teasing him, licking at blood he hadn't covered you in, blood that you hadn't gotten yourself covered in while hunting with him, blood that isn't yours or his and that just wouldn't do. No, you needed to be shown this side of him if you were going to flagrantly disrespect it.
You let out a yelp as soon as your feet are lifted off the ground. It wasn't completely unexpected, you knew you were teasing Austin and that he was only a former human, he had limits to the amount of teasing he could take but the snarl and the lift was making you realize you might have pushed too far. Your arms found themselves wrapping around his neck, trying to give yourself some leverage to do anything other than be carried along for the ride. It works well enough for you to be able to nip at his exposed bloody neck, trying to get him to speak or say something so you know that everything is fine. His hands tighten on your thighs and in what feels like a single second you find yourself pinned between the wall and his heaving chest.
"You- You can't- fuck, Y/N you don't know what you're doing to me," He nuzzles at your neck, taking a controlled breath, you'd say he's sniffing at you but you're honestly not one hundred percent sure. "Haven't ever drunk from you like this, you already taste so sweet, you'd taste like ambrosia from your neck, baby."
"Austin-" You start to speak before you feel his teeth grazing your neck, you're pretty sure he's not breaking skin, but you know there will be a bruise tomorrow. "You can- you can if you want. I want you to do it."
"Darlin," His voice sounds wrecked and you can hear him dropping the g in darling like he's still Elvis Presley. Your thighs reflexively clench around his waist when you hear it as you try to gain some relief. "You promise? Because I-"
"Do it." It comes out more forceful than you mean it to but something in your tone seems to spur Austin on and you find yourself being practically thrown against your bed. You scramble up the sheets almost like you're trying to run away before feeling Austin's hand on your ankle pulling you down to the edge of the bed as he starts to place kisses up your thigh, lifting up your nightgown as he does.Your hands find their way to his hair, pulling at the strands and earning a groan from him before he actually bites down on your upper thigh so very close to your center. The sensation of his canines piercing your skin causes your thigh and entire leg to tense up and Austin notices, pulling away almost immediately, his mouth looking even redder than it was before.
“You tensed up.” His chest rises and falls quicker than you’ve ever seen it and for the first time you realize just how much power you might have over him. He would do anything for you, wouldn’t he? It makes you want to do what you’re pretty sure he wants desperately. You want his bites all over you, you want both of you to be covered in your blood. Your eyes flicker down to his crotch and you see the outline of his cock in his pants hard and likely ready for you. Your thighs clench together before you rub them together ever so slowly as your eyes find their way back to his face.
“It was- I didn’t mean to, I didn’t know it would feel like that, you’ve never drank from me like this. I liked it, Austin.” You unclench your legs and open them up so that Austin can see what he’s doing to you- what the idea of him biting you is doing to you. “Come back here please.”
He waits a moment, almost appearing to consider the merits of not doing as you ask before he ends up on his knees with his hands finding purchase on your legs. It’s a startlingly submissive position but the more you look into his eyes the more you realize it’s not, it’s him relinquishing just a hair bit of power to you just until he can take over when he knows what you want. “I want to- Y/N, I need to know you’ll stop me if I hurt you. I don’t trust myself to stop-”
You move quickly to silence him with a kiss on the lips. “I trust you with my life. Show me who you are, Austin.”
It’s as if a switch is flipped in him and within a second there’s another bite on your thigh, another puncture of your skin and you find yourself leaning back and grabbing at the white sheets. His hands make quick work of your nightgown as you hear the tearing of the fabric, any other time and you’d care but instead you shiver at the sensation of the cold air reaching your already overheating body. You want to tell him to kiss you, let you taste your own blood on his tongue but you can’t manage the words as he nips his way up to your cunt. You know you’re wet, probably drenched if you had to guess but if you had any doubts the growl you hear from your boyfriend’s mouth confirms it before you feel his tongue licking a stripe up your slit and you feel his fingers opening you up. His hair is the first thing your hands head to as his tongue starts to trace small circles around your clit. God, you always have loved his mouth and what he can do with it, but now after just two bites you swear it’s heightening the feeling of his tongue and his fingers. He bites down very softly on your clit before enveloping it in his mouth, choosing to just lavish the attention only there as you pull at his hair, your chest heaving as you feel the warmth in the pit of your stomach growing quicker than you thought was possible. You’re pretty sure you’re muttering nonsense at the moment but Austin seems to enjoy it, letting out a small hum that makes your hand tighten. His head starts to move back like he’s going to remove himself from your cunt before you can actually come and you don’t want that. You whine, trying to use the leverage you have holding his hair to your advantage to no avail as he pulls away, his mouth slick with a mixture of your juices and your blood. It is the hottest thing you have seen in your life and a whimper escapes your lips before you know what you’re doing.
Austin smirks before kissing your thighs until he reaches your hip bone, taking another bite and allowing you to see the blood dripping from the wound and letting some slip out of his mouth leaving a trail up your body as he leaves marks across your torso. You want to feel the pierce of his fangs again, but it reassures you that there will at least be bruising that you won’t be able to cover up in the morning. His eyes settle on your face witnessing how you’re shuddering at the touch of his fingers and of even the hint of his teeth and he wonders why he's waited this long to do this with you, had he known you'd react like this he would have done it far sooner. He wants to move to your breasts but he stops himself and moves back down your torso, licking the blood he had spilled on the way up. After all, it'd be a waste to have your blood just covering you without him devouring it.
"Mm," He hums, pulling away for a moment to place a kiss on your lips, "just like I thought, you're better than any ambrosia known to man."
You didn't know what ambrosia tasted like but if the way he spoke with such reverence was any indication it must have been something phenomenal. As it stood your own blood tasted strange but you couldn't tell if that was due to the blood itself or the mix of it with your other fluids. You want to keep kissing him, see if you can taste any more of yourself on his lips and in his mouth but he pulls away, kissing and licking a trail down to your breasts.
"I'd bite you on here, baby, but I don't want to ruin these girls."His tongue darts out to lick at your left nipple, giving it a little flick before enveloping it with his mouth, his teeth worrying it as you try to reach in between your legs to touch your neglected clit. Before you can reach it, however, Austin's hand is batting it away and replacing it with his own. He doesn't do what you want him to do, instead just leisurely touching it, almost teasing it with just grazes of his fingers.
"Austin Butler if you keep teasing me-" You have to pause as he bites down with just a little more force on the underside of your boob, "I will find holy water and a stake to kill you with."
You feel the huff of his laughter against your chest before he moves to your other breast and cups your mound, completely ignoring your clit. He knows what he's doing and you know it just as well. He's in control, not you. You don't get to make demands of him and yet when he pulls away after leaving another mark on your chest, you grab at his hair and pull him up to your lips, smashing your lips against his and biting at his lower lip. It's then that he finally just crawls on top of you, pressing his pelvis into yours and giving you just enough friction to let out a groan of relief. Still, you want more and now that he's actually on top of you, you use the slight advantage you have to flip your positions.
He shouts mildly startled before his hands go to your hips. "Baby girl, I'll put you back up here if you get up and let me take my pants off. I want to fuck you, but I can't do that with pants."
You don't want to get up but the idea of getting fucked when you're both like this is intoxicating so you jump off and notice that you've already dripped blood onto the sheets. That'll stain. He makes quick work of his pants, his belt clinking to the floor before you have time to really think about it and you end up just allowing yourself to slowly straddle Austin, sinking slowly onto his cock. His hands move back your hips and he feels the warmth of your blood in one of his hands before realizing that was the hip that he bit already. He knows he shouldn't do what he's about to do, but he finds himself glancing at your mouth with the blood on it and your neck with the blood on it and he's reminded of the many visions he’s had of you bloody just like he is when he comes back from a hunt. Later on he won’t even bother to explain why he does what he does, but before you even realize it, Austin’s hand finds its way to your chest and what feels like all over your skin, you can feel the warmth of your own blood under your skin and on your skin and before you know it, your mouth is back on Austin, trying to devour his lips, your tongue meeting his own as you grind your hips. You can feel him trying to pull away but you move your hand to cup the back of his head, your fingers tangling in his hair and pulling him even closer if possible. He moves his hand to your breast, taking your nipple in between his fingers, pinching it and causing you just enough pain that you gasp into your kiss and he manages to pull away from it. You whimper at the loss but soon follow that initial whimper with more as his lips kiss a trail down to your neck. Austin’s mouths at one specific spot, he doesn’t use teeth, not yet, instead just wanting to see what he can cause before he bites. You hear him mumble what almost sounds like nonsense if you weren’t paying attention to your neck in between kisses.
“Gotta promise me you’ll make me stop, God I wanna turn you, want to live with you forever, drink from you like this forever. Cover you in blood. Claim you in blood.”
Everything he says should terrify you but all you can think is that you’ve never wanted anything more than what he’s talking about at that moment. Maybe that’s why you find yourself trying to expose your neck to him more with a small whisper. “Bite me, Austin. I want to taste myself on your tongue.”
Those are the magic words for him and in a flash you feel the pierce of his fangs into your neck and you swear you see stars. You keen as you feel your cunt clenching around him. You’re not coming, not quite yet, but you’re pretty sure if he even touches your clit you’re done for. He sucks for what feels like an eternity before pulling away with a snarl as he kisses you with such reckless abandon that all you can do is wrap your tongue around his, and swallow the blood that you find is still in his mouth. It ignites something in you that has you pushing him to lay down on the bed, making even more of a mess of your white sheets. Austin grasps at your skin as you bounce on his cock, trying to get the angle just right as he covers you in your own blood, smearing it across your skin like he’s painting a masterpiece.
“Jesus Christ, baby. Come on, ride me like this, let me feel you, feel how much you wanted this.” He’s practically slurring his words, the pleasure from him drinking from your neck and your cunt squeezing his dick combining into a haze. He wants to hold off on coming, wants to make sure you come first, but he can feel every bit of your body strumming in the air and his hands tense on your hips, trying to get you to stop moving. “I’m gonna come, I can’t-”
“Do it, come in me Austin, it’s fine, I want you to.” You’re not focusing on anything but the feel of his dick inside you and how your body is winding tighter and tighter and how for some reason you want to do this every night and how you want to taste his blood or more of your own. “Show me what this did to you, please. Please.”
That’s what does it, your final please has him tensing under you and coming with a groan against the sheets, trying to muffle it so the neighbors don’t wonder what is going on this late at night between the two of you. You feel the warmth of his cum and with only a bit of a stutter in your hips you move to grab one of Austin’s hands and guide it to your clit. Despite how his eyes have practically rolled into the back of his head, he gets the message, and starts to play with it, touching it in just the way you like while you slowly grind on his softened cock. You start to worry for just a moment that you won’t come but Austin sits up just enough with you still on him to nip at the other side of your neck before moving right back to his bite and taking just one more sip. Your cunt pulses around him as you come with a silent shout, your body suddenly acknowledging your mild blood loss and flopping almost immediately onto his body. Austin rolls you just enough off of him so that he can look at you from the side. His hand goes up to your hair and down to your still mildly bleeding neck.
“I’m going to take care of that, sweetheart. Won’t even know it was there.” He whispers, placing a light kiss there. “You need to drink some orange juice.”
You hum contentedly, your eyes shutting just a tad. You’re pretty sure Austin didn’t take too much from you, but whatever he did you feel might have worn you out. “A cookie too?”
Austin laughs, pulling out of you and slowly getting up. “A cookie too, since you look like I spilled three blood bags on you.”
It takes a bit of energy to glare but you manage before letting out a tiny giggle. “The sheets are probably worse.”
“They actually look like a Picasso painting, we should frame them!” He shouts as he walks to the kitchen, preparing you a glass of orange juice with a few cookies. When he arrives back, he finds you on your back looking up at the ceiling, seeming more content than you had been in ages. He sits down next to you and forces you to sit up to take a sip of orange juice. “I love you, Y/N, you know that, right?”
“Mmhmm,” You hum as you swallow the juice. “I know and I love you too. It’s why I trust you with my whole life.”
Austin just watches you for a moment and waits until you take a bite of a cookie to place a soft kiss on your lips. “Thank you.”
A tiny smile appears on your face because that’s exactly what you wanted to hear from Austin after this, just a tiny thank you for letting him do this, letting him drink from you. It was your choice, but you think he had forgotten about that for too long. It takes you longer than you’d like to admit to finish the cookies and juice but when you do, you set them on the side of the bed next to you. “So what do you say you run us a bath and we talk about what someone was saying about turning me? And forever.”
Austin flushes and looks down at the ground before looking up at you and biting his lip. “Your wish is my command, baby.”
#austin butler#elvis 2022#austin butler x reader#austin butler smut#ally writes#i do not know what tags i need to use. i don't do this sort of fic normally.#elvis movie#vampire austin butler#vampire!austin#austin butler imagine
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20 questions for fic writers
tagged 230943 years ago by @schmem14 [x] @vukovich [x] @mintawasalreadytaken [x]
check out fics from these lovely, brilliant, fantastic, stellar, amazing [*insert lady gaga meme here*] writers:
schmem14 [some truly wonderful & witty rarepair gems y'all]
vukovich [off-the wall, peculiar delivered in amazing prose]
mintaminta [insightful angst/dead dove & hot kinky smut]
tagging @mystickitten42 @citrusses @kittycargo @lumosatnight @xanthippe74 @rockingrobin69 @stavromulabetaaa @bubble-gumhead @porcelainheart3 @roseharpermaxwell @curlyy-hair-dont-care
me, myself & i
How many works do you have on AO3?
76 + 1 in anon, to be revealed soon!
What's your total AO3 wordcount?
149,896
What fandoms do you write for?
HP, with emphasis on Drarry.
What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Come as You Are (3.8k)
Sun Stroke (3.8k)
Laundry Day (2.7k)
10 Easy Steps (1.8k)
It's Called Fashion, Potter (2.1k)
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
listen. yes. i try. and i am so far behind atm. honestly, i get the most wonderful comments from lovely readers. and i want them to know how appreciative i am that they took time to read(!) and let me know their thoughts(!!). even if it's just an emoji(!!!). i don't care, i love it.
What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
if you read me, you know...i do not write angst. i have one (1) fic where i stepped out of my lane and wrote angst-lite. it's not even really angst, but more moody atmospheric. and interestingly enough, the most purple i've prosed. my beta was like, peach, what? the weed which strings the hangman's bag
What is a fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
pfft, all my fics have the happiest endings.
Do you get hate on fics?
nope. i did get hate on a supportive/love comment i left on a friend's fic once. that's, like, 7th circle of hell troll behavior to be hating on a comment.
Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
i do write smut, yes. my smut has been described as [insert various descriptors like "inferno", "blazing", "scorching", and lots of🔥] hot paired with soft/romantic/sweet. i.e. fluffy smut. smuff.
Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
nope. the closest i've come is inserting HP characters into a magical version of The Breakfast Club.
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
not that i'm aware of.
Have you ever had a fic translated?
not that i'm aware of, but i do have a blanket statement in my AO3 profile that allows it, so who knows?
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
nope.
What's your all-time favorite ship?
drarry, easily.
What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
i have a fic inspired by a movie and idk if i'll ever get it written. I COULD mention my xmas advent fic from 2020 but i'm determined to finish it this year. DETERMINED. 🦔
What are your writing strengths?
i'm good at characterizations & writing banter. and i'm good at writing lean.
What are your writing weaknesses?
recently, i've had the immense pleasure of listening to my fics read aloud in published podfics. and let me say, this is a brilliant way to spot weaknesses. and while my banter may be good, sometimes i maybe inject too much action into my conversations. it disrupts the flow. also, long, plotty fics ellude me. i'm a pantser/gardner style writer and plotting/outlining makes me hyperventilate.
Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
yes, if used sparingly, and in such a way that i (as an english only speaker) can intuit what is being said. and also if translations are provided as a footnote. i've got a french-speaking Draco in my Dron fics [1] [2], where he lapses in the heat of passion.
First fandom you wrote for?
drarry, baby.
Favorite fic you've written?
if i may, i have two:
Deadheading the Odd Dahlia, inspired by the incredible art of @beyondtheclose
Birds Behaving Badly (my longest drarry to date! 10k!)
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It just makes so much sense that you were writing in 2013, you have the unhinged vibe that the golden fics from that era had.
I'm just here to compliment you really lol, mostly because I am giving a try to write a lil something for the first time and god I can only dream of ever being able to write as good as you. I've been writing poems and music for years now but i find writing actual coherent storys with characters and dialogue so so hard.
I was wondering if you have any tips, or like little rules you follow when you write.
all the love, xxx
🌷
I'M GONNA CRYYYY this was the sweetest thing in the world to wake up to wtf wtf <333 thank you SO much, i really appreciate this wahh my heart :'))) but also you are SILLY. don't compare yourself to others!! if we all did that constantly we'd never get anything written!! there are SO many authors i adore on here that will always have me chasing the "i wish i could write like that" feeling and it's a great motivator but alsooo at the end of the day. you gotta fall in love with your own words and characters and stories <33
and i feel that so much!! we are twinsss, i also started out writing poems and music and then realized i had stories i wanted to tell that wouldn't fit in shorter form, then discovered fanfic in middle school in the early '10s and it was all downhill from there LOL. truly such a golden era tho oh my god. growing up reading the hat fic and borderline illegible wattpad stories was certainly... formative!
yapping ahead vv (i don't have much advice bc i'm still just learning as i go but hopefully some stuff i picked up on can be a bit helpful!)
i have zero method to the madness when writing so it's a relief to know it doesn't come off that way LOL but i do have a few little things that i follow and i always look for them when beta–ing as well! they're pretty small technical things and they're generally up to personal preference, but some of them come from authors i admire and i think they can really take anyone's writing up a notch <3
i don't feel qualified to give advice because i'm just raw–dogging everything lmao i've never taken classes or anything, so take all this yapping with a grain of salt bc it's just what's worked for me!
– i try to use descriptors like "the man" or "the blond" or "his friend" etc sparingly. i wish i could remember the source, but i read a great piece about why it's better to just go with the character's name 99% of the time, and then i went through so many of my works to edit them and i felt so much more confident in my writing afterwards– it made a big difference in readability (imo).
ofc there are exceptions, like if the name of a character is unknown, or if there are too many names being thrown around in one sentence and a "the man" or "the soldier" etc just sits nicer. i definitely still use them occasionally! but it does sometimes put some distance between the reader and the story when those descriptors are used too often instead of names, so it's a good thing to keep an eye out for when it comes to flow. sometimes less or more or whateva ??
– sorta on the topic of less is more, i love challenging myself to show vs tell when i can! whether it's by keeping dialogue short and letting actions speak instead (can add to intimacy/realism– we communicate so much through body language yk), through metaphors (literally how my whole '#john egan is dog coded' fic was born LOL), or describing feelings rather than spelling them out (his heart ached vs he was sad, his pulse raced vs he was scared, you get the gist). you said you've been writing poems so i feel like stuff like that would already probably come easily to you tho! <3
– this guide on ao3 is great for smut writers! whether someone's a beginner or just looking for ways to elevate the filth, i found it really helpful, it's a fun read as well lol. it calls out stereotypes/cliches and teaches you how to reword them, gives lists of slang and reactionary words, do's and don't's, etc. i don't follow everything in it but that's the beauty of writing; we all have things that work for us and things that don't and that's so okay. :-)
– in the same way that artists use references to practice and find their style, you can do that with writing too! i know a lot of writers have a doc or note where they jot down stylistic things they find while reading that they'd like to emanate, or words they want to use, specific phrases, descriptors, etc. if i'm reading a fic and find an auditory descriptor i like, i might take note of it, stuff like that. sorta like a text document version of a pinterest board!
– thesaurus.com is my best friend truly. often going with the 'simplest' version of a word makes for smoothest reading so someone isn't taken out of the story being like wtf does that word mean lol but sometimes things can feel repetitive, or like there just needs to be a little bit more spice; i probs go back and forth btwn my doc and thesaurus a dozen times an hour tbh.
that's all i can think of rn and ik those are pretty basic so i'm sorry about that!! i really do just kinda write what evokes emotions in myself, and then i hit post and hope it translates over to whoever is reading too :') drawing from your own experiences if you can/really sitting with what the characters would be feeling in whatever scenario you're writing is probably the most powerful way to present what you see in your mind.
i have a hard time writing about emotions/things i haven't personally experienced, so i usually stray away from it out of fear of not getting across what i want to, but some people are great at winging it and putting themselves in unfamiliar shoes so!! it's again just personal preference really.
and alsooo be kind to yourself! i'm an anxious wreck every time i post any of my writing, i am very much not confident when posting new fics and i agonize over my docs so much and trash a lot of works, but i know at the end of the day i can't grow or learn if i don't get the words down, and i can't get feedback or gain confidence if i don't post. becoming your own hype man and giving yourself the opportunity to improve is essential <33
sooo much love and best of luck!!! lmk if you end up writing smth, i'd love to read it (◠‿◠✿)
#also tentatively offering beta services to mota/sb moots bc i love helping w fics <33 hmu#if i am not super busy i am SAT#this got so long WHOOPS so sorry anon#johnslittlespoon asks#johnslittlespoon yaps
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