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forlix · 7 months

Text

𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞・l.f.

— five times you want to tell your best friend you love him and the time you finally do.

words・7.7k

pairing・idol!felix x gn!reader

genres・fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, best friends to lovers, mutual pining, slow burn w/a happy ending, 5 + 1 trope, idiots in love who are also afraid of love, you do the math

warnings・alcohol consumption, discussions of anxiety, lots of emotional vulnerability, like a surprising amount of crying icl

playlist・jazz bar by dreamcatcher・spring day by bts・through the night by iu・eight by iu ft. suga・house song by searows・not mine by day6

a/n・i borrowed the title of this beautiful day6 song for this fic; give it a listen if you can (especially while reading part four). happy late birthday, lix <333 thank you for being you

One. The door to the café opens with a soft jingle, bringing a chilly draft into the room and causing you to draw your scarf tighter around your shoulders.

Theoretically, you come here to study—but people-watching has become a simultaneous pastime. There was that couple with a pair of samoyeds, so fluffy that they looked like walking clouds; a mother and son, hunched over their croissants, arguing in a classic “don’t cause a scene in public” tone; an elderly woman in bicycle shorts asking for extra shots of espresso in the menu’s most caffeinated item.

And now, there is him.

“Hello,” the ashy-haired stranger says to the barista with a quick, polite bow. “May I have a medium caramel latte? Hot, with sweetener, please. Thank you.”

His voice reminds you of the notes of a cello, of the feeling of running your fingers through tufted velvet. When he turns away from the counter, he’s slipping a card back into his wallet, and you catch a glimpse of long lashes and a scattering of freckles. You cannot see his face, as it’s covered by a black mask, but that only propels the question further: who are you?

And perhaps it is destiny herself who hooks a gentle finger beneath the stranger’s chin and tilts his head upwards, because when he inadvertently steps into a patch of sunlight, his brown irises illuminate like molten amber, and they are fixed upon you.

You feel your lips part, your stomach turn. You don’t know if your cheeks are so warm because of your piping hot tea (your third one today) or because of the newfound eye contact with someone so ethereal.

But you are sure that the corners of the stranger’s eyes crinkle ever so slightly, as if his lips have just curved into a smile beneath his mask.

“Felix,” the barista calls, and you turn the name silently on your tongue.

Maybe you are exhausted from work and not thinking straight. Maybe you are more starved for change than you’ve ever been. Or maybe you’re just prophetic. But you think you sense forever in this man, with his freckled cheeks and pretty eyes.

That is the first time you want to tell Lee Felix you love him.

Two. The second Felix comes into your line of vision, you sense that something is wrong.

You hold up a hand in greeting, and the smile he returns is sincere but muted, as if it pains him to move, to breathe. He sounded weary on the phone earlier—can I see you tonight? Just for a bit—but only now that he’s in front of you do you see the extent of his fatigue, seeping into his sunken shoulders and lightless eyes.

“Hi,” he says once he’s close enough.

“Hey, you,” you answer, rising out of your seat. Instinctively, he extends his arms toward you, and you draw him into a hug that is fleeting and familiar. He smells faintly of laundry detergent and vanilla, and it makes something within you ache, like an oyster searching for its absent pearl.

When you pull away, your hands move to your best friend’s cheeks, cocooning his face so you can get a better look at him. Even under the sparse streetlights, you see that his eyes are slightly bloodshot, the shadows beneath them deep and sullen. Has he been crying?

“Bad day?” You ask, your hands falling back to your sides.

“The worst,” he returns with a weak smile.

“Wanna take a walk?”

“Yes, please. How long do I have you for?”

This is what you do when your schedules are too packed for you to make real plans: take strolls wherever is most convenient, for however long either of you can spare. Sometimes that’s five minutes, sometimes five hours. But you know that you need to be here for him tonight.

“As long as you need me,” you say.

You turn around to pick up your drinks (a decaf caramel latte for Felix and a black milk tea for yourself), and you don't see the way his smile comes back a little bigger the second time, the way his cheeks warm slightly under the moonlight.

There’s a small park a few blocks behind your apartment. Granted, it's not a very good park, with only a tiny, sad playground and very little foliage, but it is an excellent stargazing spot, due to it being so dark and desolate. You and Felix decide to head there now, your arms touching as you walk through the quiet residential area.

Ten minutes later, blades of grass are poking the back of your head, and directly above you is a sea of scattered stars, flickering like millions of faulty flashlights. Felix’s voice is leaden when he starts to speak, breaking the park’s fragile silence. He tells you about his fears, about how earlier today they overwhelmed him so much that he wanted to lock himself away from the world and throw away the key. He tells you about his dreams, about how even in his relentless pursuit of them they sometimes still feel as amorphous and unattainable as fragments of mist.

The way he always does when he’s around you, Felix spills parts of himself that he never thought he could entrust to anyone. And you don’t say a word, your knee leaning against his, listening, understanding. (But you wish you could tell him a lot of things: that you care for him more than you ever believed yourself capable; that you hope for his happiness more than your own; that you don’t have the words to heal him, but you would give anything to find them.)

By the time the two of you leave the park, it’s almost midnight, and the streets have fallen silent save for the occasional whoosh of car wheels on cement and the distant lamentations of cricket choirs. You’re making small talk now, and Felix is smiling a little easier. It seems your conversation worked in cheering him up; a temporary fix, you’re sure, like a bandaid where stitches should be, but seeing his eyes crinkle and hearing his laugh again is enough to soothe your worry for the rest of the night, at the very least.

“You’re sure you’ll be okay going back yourself?” You ask once the two of you reach the entrance to your apartment building.

“Yeah, of course.” Felix touches the back of his neck apologetically. “I’m sorry I kept you out so late.”

“Nonsense, Lix. I’m always here for you.”

Felix averts his eyes to his shoes, and you’re caught off guard by his facial expression: exhausted but contemplative, and possessing a sense of tenderness. It is a look that you don’t think you’ve seen before, and you feel your heartstrings pull at its unfamiliarity, its strange softness.

You say your goodbyes, but your "let me know when you get home safe" is cut short when you feel a hand catch your wrist, just as you’re entering the building.

How Felix doesn’t notice your frantic pulse beneath his touch is beyond you, but instead he parts his lips, and his next words resound in your mind as you try and fail to fall asleep that night.

“I can’t explain why, or how—but I feel braver when I’m with you, Y/N. I meant to tell you that earlier.”

And those three words rush to your mind fleetingly, like saltwater crashing against the shores of your mind. Even when the tide has subsided, they remain on the sand, waiting to be read aloud.

“Thank you,” Felix mumbles, “for everything.”

You don’t read out those words, of course. Instead, you reach up to squish Felix’s face and call him a sentimental dork, to which he rolls his eyes affectionately and bats you away, and the moment is over. But when you turn to go, your heart is pounding so loudly that your reply may as well have been a confession.

Three. You sink into your mattress, careful to keep your tea within your mug’s rim, and let out a hybrid of a groan and a sigh that is strikingly reminiscent of an old man lowering himself into a worn armchair.

You can’t remember the last time you had a cold this terrible. It feels as if your lungs took a plunge in a vat of wet cement and then rolled around in gravel immediately afterward. And it’s got you in the mood to do nothing but listen to the heavy drops of rain knocking against your window, curl up with a good show and a hot drink, and bask in your own congestion.

But then your phone, which you left in the bathroom, emits four deafening notification sounds, and you haul yourself back out of bed with a groan-sigh that’s twice as anguished as the last.

When you reach the hellish device, your best friend’s name greets you, and your ire dissipates momentarily.

From: Lix 🐣 Hey hey From: Lix 🐣 We still on for dinner tonight? From: Lix 🐣 Just gonna be me, Minho, Seungmin. Jeongin has a vocal lesson From: Lix 🐣 Please don’t play the “if Jeongin doesn’t go neither do I” card again I’ve had enough of it!!! ENOUGH

You let out a throaty laugh that sounds like one of Minho’s cats battling a hairball, heading back to bed.

From: Y/N 🌙 ahhhh i meant to text you earlier, but i have the worst cold From: Y/N 🌙 no clue how or why i caught it but i feel like fucking shit. it’d be a bad idea for me to come over right now From: Y/N 🌙 sorry :( can we raincheck in a few days? From: Y/N 🌙 (that way jeongin can come too!!!)

Felix dislikes this last text, and you snort into your tea.

From: Lix 🐣 Yeah, of course. Don’t apologize From: Lix 🐣 Do you need anything? You’re eating and sleeping well, yeah? From: Y/N 🌙 sleeping, YES. From: Y/N 🌙 eating, not really 😅 but i don’t have much of an appetite anyways From: Y/N 🌙 don’t worry about me. i’ll be raring to go in a day or two

Felix starts to type a response, but the gray dots disappear after a bit, and you set your phone face-down on your nightstand. He probably has to get back to work, and you have to get back to your episode.

Slowly, the soporific fragrance of chamomile and the lull of relentless rain start to weigh on your eyelids, and you slump unconsciously into your makeshift fortress of blankets, your show playing to nobody.

Night has fallen by the time the door of your apartment clicks open, and Felix pokes a head into your dark kitchen, cautiously calling out your name. When you don’t respond, he slips inside and moves to your kitchen counter, where he unloads the bags in his arms. A spare key to your place dangles from the opening of his hoodie pocket.

There’s a quiet knock on your bedroom door, another call of your name—infinitely softer this time, like how one would speak to a dove. But Felix finds you out like a light, even when he closes your laptop and puts it on your desk, checks your temperature with a gentle hand to your forehead. It feels normal enough to let you sleep, but warm enough that he brings a glass of water and two pills of ibuprofen to your nightstand, placed within your reach, should you wake up in the middle of the night needing them.

Using only the slivers of light coming in from the hallway, Felix allows himself to look at your sleeping form. Your breathing is callous but steady; your face pallid but peaceful. And if only you'd seen see the tiny, helpless smile that pulls at his lips; if only you'd heard the pulse protesting against his skin, yelling at him “do something about this, you fucking idiot, and do it soon."

But you don’t see or hear anything; you just speak, instead.

“Stay with me,” you whisper, and Felix’s hand freezes on your doorknob, his eyes widening in the darkness. “Please?”

There is a lengthy period of nothing, during which neither of you makes another noise; there is only the sound of your clock ticking, raindrops rushing against the windows, and Felix’s heart in his ears.

And then he moves.

“C'mere,” Felix murmurs once he’s lying down next to you, and you nestle into his embrace as easily as if you've always belonged there, your face burrowing into the crook of his neck, your arms winding around his waist, searching for him, asking for him.

Felix has always expressed his affection for people through touch, and you’ve gotten used to his constant hand on your shoulder, his leg resting against yours. But he thinks this is the first time you’ve initiated physicality outright, and he feels a concerned pang in his chest at your unexpected vulnerability. He lifts a hand to cradle the back of your head, running his fingers through your hair.

“Gonna get you sick,” you say with a wet sniffle, your voice muffled against him. And Felix presses a kiss to the top of your head, perhaps without thinking as much as he should have; but who can blame him for forgetting to think when he’s holding you the way he is?

“Don’t care,” he answers readily. “I'm not going anywhere.”

At some point before you fall back asleep, you think your mouth actually forms the words I love you, subtly and silently and into the fabric of his hoodie. But you resume your slumber before you can think more of it. (Felix waits until your breathing is steady again, checks your temperature one more time; and only afterward does he allow his eyes to close.)

The next morning, you wake to an empty bed and a Post-It note explaining that Felix had to run to a recording session: Check your kitchen! See u soon x. Accompanied by a small, messy doodle of a baby chick popping out of its egg.

Your face melts into a smile when you see that the fridge is chock-full of fresh groceries and the pantry has been restocked with your favorite snacks, including a batch of Felix’s world-famous sea salt brownies—accompanied by another note with another doodle, this time a crescent moon wearing your sneakers. Sugar is prolly bad for you rn. Pls have in moderation!

When you pull out your phone to thank him for everything, you see his remaining texts from yesterday—and you feel momentarily empty, as if only then noticing that you've been missing a fraction of your soul your whole life.

From: Lix 🐣 I’ll drop by tonight to check on you From: Lix 🐣 Wait for me, okay?

And he is right in front of you, just out of reach.

Four. “This isn’t a bad idea, right?” Chan asks under his breath.

“Nah, they’ll be fine,” Minho replies, clapping a hand on the leader’s shoulder. “Y/N will take care of him.”

A loud yelp comes from up ahead, and the men whip around quickly enough to crack a joint—only to realize that the noise was the opening note of DAY6’s “Not Mine,” and you and Felix have just launched into song so terribly and so loudly that it’s probably awoken the entirety of Seoul.

“And who’s gonna take care of Y/N?”

The two men look at each other for a moment before deciding they’re not interested in talking the two of you out of a disorderly intoxication charge.

“Let me know when you get back!” Chan hollers after you, and they reenter the karaoke bar in a hurry.

The members decided to go out for karaoke after finishing promotions earlier that week, and Felix invited you to come along. And you might've gone a little overboard with the mango sake, but your level of tipsy is nothing compared to that of the blue-haired boy draped over you.

Felix is rather prone to hangovers, you’ve discovered from past experiences, so the moment he started speaking in some kind of nonsensical Korean-English mutation that not even Chan could understand, the members tasked you with taking him home early. Now, Felix has his arm around your neck, less out of affection and more out of a genuine requirement for support, doing his best to walk in a straight line. He hasn't stopped grinning for the last hour, and it doesn’t seem like he’s going to run out of energy anytime soon, not as long as there’s more of DAY6’s discography to butcher.

In spite of your foggy mind, you're well aware that your best friend has never been prettier. He sets the bar high as it is, but then you throw in the flushed lips and cheeks, the lopsided, ditzy grin, the wine-kissed complexion, and life becomes terribly difficult for you. It doesn’t help that alcohol amplifies his proclivity for physical contact—he's been attached to your hip all night, holding your waist, pulling you into incidental hugs.

Needless to say, your current situation is a bit precarious; but you don't know that. Not yet.

The two of you finish your disrespectful rendition of “Not Mine” just as you pass the apartment’s front desk, and it is only when you see the deadly look that the receptionist gives you over the brim of his glasses that you finally feel sober again. You have the sense to incline your head in apology. Felix, however, launches into “You Were Beautiful” without a care in the world.

You dig a pointed elbow into his ribs as you hit the up button, and his singing abruptly falters with a pained huff. "Ow."

“Take an intermission, superstar,” you say. “The receptionist looks like he’s ready to throttle us.”

“Ah, he would never. We’re tight,” he returns, and before you can stop him he’s lifting his head, raising his voice. “Have a good night, Mr. Seo!”

Your nose scrunches into an apprehensive wince—but instead, you think you hear a hint of a smile in the man's cool reply.

“You too, Mr. Lee. Keep your voices down, please.”

“Yes, sir!” You and Felix reply in unison. Felix gives you a smile that says I told you so before he nestles his cheek against your shoulder, and you shake your head. Nobody is immune to the boy’s brightness.

Entering the building seemed to be effective in calming Felix down. The elevator ride up is silent save for a bit of quiet humming, and you finally see a bit of sleep on his face when you open the door of his dorm and turn on the living room lights. He lets you escort him to his bathroom without a word.

“I’ll be here if you need me,” you say, reaching to pat his cheeks a couple times. “Be careful in there.”

“M’kay. Thank you," he says with a drowsy smile, and closes the door.

You pull out your phone and open up your messages with Chan, remembering his parting request.

To: Chan 🐺 we got back safe!! To: Chan 🐺 lix is gonna be okay. i'll take care of him

A few minutes later, a notification appears at the top of your screen; Chan left hearts on both of your messages and sent two in response.

From: Chan 🐺 Thanks, good to hear :) you get some rest too, okay? From: Chan 🐺 Bro tore that sake UP

You begin to type back a retort—give me a break it was basically JUICE—when you hear Felix call your name, his voice muffled through the bathroom door.

“What's up?” You answer.

“I think I’m...stuck.”

Now what the hell does that mean?

“Can I come in?”

“Mhm.”

You open the door, and your attempt to suppress your laughter fails with flying colors. Felix is well and truly stuck in his crewneck, the gray material swathed around his head, his arms positioned in some kind of advanced pretzel formation.

“You are a hot mess, Lee Yongbok," you sing, moving toward him, and he whines from inside his cotton prison.

“Please don’t kick me while I’m down.”

Grinning, you bring your fingers to the hem of his top and attempt to lift it over his head. He’s managed to tangle himself quite impressively, and the next few minutes are spent with you trying to extract him, like he’s that one nose hair that your tweezers have never been able to reach, all while he's moaning and groaning about the fabric catching on his earrings, about his joints not being able to handle this kind of pressure anymore.

He emerges from the crewneck a while later looking positively disgruntled. You toss the gray mass onto the counter, proud of your handiwork.

“So maybe I‘m a hot mess,” he concedes. “A little bit.”

“That's alright. We all have our moments,” you giggle. “Come on, let me help you with your jewelry.”

For a second, he looks like he’s about to protest—but the look you give him reminds him that his motor functions are currently on strike.

“Okay,” he mumbles adorably.

You position yourself a little closer to Felix and lift your hands to the nape of his neck, where the clasp of his chain lies. It takes you a few tries to undo it, and you end up having to use the mirror above the sink for guidance. Soon, there is a soft click. You set the chain down next to the crewneck before your hands return to the sides of his face, this time to tuck long, light blue strands behind the cuffs of his ears. Your fingers run over the curves of his silver earrings.

“Are these bothering you at all?” You ask nonchalantly. “I forgot you had so many piercings.”

In your peripheral vision, you see Felix’s lips move, but no sound comes out. Puzzled, you move your eyes to meet his, and it takes you one blink’s worth of time to understand the source of his speechlessness.

Somewhere between your reaching up to touch his necklace and the present moment, you’ve come incredibly, dangerously close to him. Close enough that you can count the freckles that speckle his skin like fallen stars, that you can feel the heat of his body against your own, that Felix’s eyes are nearly crossed trying to maintain eye contact with you.

Your heartbeat lodges itself firmly in your throat, and your thoughts evaporate into complete and utter disarray. There are three differently-worded apologies on the tip of your tongue within seconds. You immediately start to pray that he won’t remember this tomorrow morning. And your strongest impulse is to move; to get as far away from him as possible, before either of you does anything you'll regret.

But there is something that overwhelms your every instinct, and stops you from budging an inch. And that is the way Felix is looking at you, unblinking brown eyes filled with something that doesn’t have a name. It is the same tender expression that’d surprised you the first time you saw it, and it is with a spiraling stomach that you finally realize what that expression is.

You reach your conclusion a second after he does.

Felix’s hand lifts to cradle your jaw, his face moving closer to yours. Your foreheads touch, wisps of his hair falling over the bridge of your nose, your senses engulfed by the vanilla of his cologne and the touch of sweet wine on his breath. The scene is as delicate as a dragonfly’s tail dipping into a pond’s surface; even a minuscule disturbance would shatter this limbo instantaneously.

A part of you wishes that it would, but nothing does. There is only his pulse, perceptible through the thin cloth of his tank top, vehement beneath your fingertips—and your heart, naked and frail, sitting upon the palm of his hand.

Felix doesn’t push you away; he doesn’t kiss you. He does something far worse.

“I love you,” he whispers.

A few seconds. That is how long you stand there for, with every word of every language you know inaccessible, every qualm and doubt and source of anxiety that plagued your mind moments before now distant memories, every ounce of your energy channeled into keeping yourself upright.

But the few seconds feel like forever. The same way he has always felt like forever to you. The same way you imagined you would spend forever loving him, close enough for him to love you back, but far enough that he’ll never know the true nature of your affection: greater and truer than anything anyone would ever call friendship.

An urgent question suddenly surfaces in your mind: is he still drunk? He was falling up, down, and sideways minutes ago. Surely this was an intoxicated slip of the tongue. But you discern the slight tremble to Felix’s breathing and the intensity in his heavy-lidded gaze, all far too intentional, far too conscious to be wine-induced—leaving behind one impossible possibility.

You should be having your happy tears kissed from your face right now. You should be over the moon, relishing in the sensation of two stars aligning at long fucking last, the way you’ve dreamed of since the very first time you laid eyes on Felix.

But instead, you just feel inexplicably and profusely afraid.

You won’t remember the specifics of the next few minutes. You think you stumble away from him and whisper I’m sorry through watering eyes, though you don’t really know what for. He sputters something in return, his tone so desperate and confused that you feel your heart break to pieces on the spot. You apologize again, leave the bathroom, and move towards the apartment door as if your life depends on it. In your peripheral vision, you notice the crease of concern on Mr. Seo’s face when you stalk past him, tears now flying freely down your cheeks. You run into Minho and Jeongin when you step out of the building, and you see the worry that creases their faces, hear their voices calling your name. Jeongin's hand closes around your wrist—are you okay?! What the fuck happened?—but you do not, can not say anything, not right now.

And then you are alone again, and you briskly walk the two miles back to your apartment. Your mind and heart are every bit as foggy as the somber night sky that hangs over your head.

Five. When the two of you step out of the restaurant and into the evening, Felix turns around to face you, launching into his best tour guide walk.

“And, with that,” he says with a glowing smile, “we are nearing the end of our tour of Sydney.”

“Noooo,” you lament, reaching your arm out. Felix falls back into step beside you and links it with his, the movement like clockwork. Your jackets scrunch up together where your elbows bend. “Already?”

“Okay, the tour’s been going on for two days and you haven’t paid a cent for my toil. Don’t push your luck.”

Your laughter spills into the otherwise quiet avenue, the setting sun throwing shadows across the cement, but it always feels like midday when you have the brightest man in the world by your side.

When the two of you discovered you had a free weekend on the same days, Felix conjured up the idea of going home—and suggested that you go with him. You’d freaked out for a bit, but then Felix reminded you that his mom texts you on your birthday and that you’re on multiple different subscription plans with his sisters, and you collected yourself quite quickly. There was a lot of cheering over the phone when Felix informed his family that they’d finally get to meet you in person.

But such a fast trip to the other side of the world proved to be no easy feat. Felix took on the task of piecing together a travel plan that would cover most of his favorite spots in forty-eight hours. The last two weeks were filled with him fretting over the details and you fretting over him, asking time and time again if you could help with anything, only for him to shoo you away with a single hand and a pointed “you are my guest. Now leave me.”

With assistance from every other resource at his disposal, though, he pulled it off, and the weekend has been wonderful thus far.

“I think that was some of the best food I’ve ever had, seriously,” you hum. “I’ll be dreaming about those appetizers for the rest of my life.”

“I'm glad. It took a Socratic seminar to choose the place, after all."

(The Socratic seminar in question: a two-hour FaceTime call and an intense match of rock-paper-scissors between him and his siblings, aimed to decide on where Felix would take you for dinner the second night. Only for his mom to ignore all of their efforts and insist upon her own choice of restaurant instead—no ifs, ands, or buts.)

“We have to try your sisters’ recommendations the next time I visit, don’t we?”

“Yes," he returns, shuddering. "I think my family is done for if we don’t."

He has one place left to take you, and the two of you head there now, shoulder to shoulder, arm in arm.

A month has passed since that night.

You’ve tried with every fiber of your being to put the whole thing from your mind, of course to no avail. You see Felix’s flushed lips and gentle gaze every time you blink; you hear his “I love you” every time you’re alone, the words whispered in the wind and dragged over the earth, in tandem with your footsteps.

You wanted to fucking die of awkwardness in the few days following, but it was never an option for you to avoid Felix for long. The two of you still went on convenience store runs together; still met up for coffee before work; still continued your business as usual, against all odds. And you owed it all to Felix and how he knows you better than you know yourself. He didn’t try to talk to you when he sensed that you had nothing to say; nor did he try to bring you back when you felt miles away. He would just silently slip a pack of your favorite cookies into your grocery basket or order your drink on your behalf.

Felix had questions and wanted answers; there was no doubt about that. But he held his tongue, granted you as much space as you needed to come back to him. And you did, in your gradual, meticulous way.

You’re finally going to bring it up tonight. You’ve planned to since the day you confirmed the trip, and you hope that the final stop of the tour will be the perfect place to bite the bullet.

“We’re here,” Felix says.

The two of you have arrived at the bank of a wide river, and you’re at a temporary loss for words. To your right is a bridge that spans the distance of the water, and to your left is a stunning, panoramic view of the city of Sydney. Twilight has turned the buildings into dark silhouettes against the autumn sunset, and the water reminds you of a palette of oil paints with how it reflects the pinks and oranges in the sky.

Felix feels you tighten your hold around his arm, and he smiles when he sees the wonder in your eyes. He wishes he could see this place for the first time again.

“Not bad, huh?”

“No,” you murmur. “Not at all.”

“C’mon.”

Felix leads you to the center of the bridge, where he props his elbows atop the metal railing and looks over the water. You join him and pull out your phone, but no settings or adjustments render your camera capable of capturing the landscape's beauty.

(Until Felix throws up a peace sign and pokes his head into the corner of your frame. Then it stands a fighting chance.)

“What is this place?” You ask, your shoulder touching his when you also lean over the railing. “Why are we the only ones here?”

“Crazy, right?” Felix says proudly. “I dunno. I think it might be private property, or something. But it’s only a few blocks away from my house and on the way I used to take to school, so I used to come here all the time, always around this time of day.”

Felix’s gaze moves over the sky, oblivious to the fact that his eyes hold whole rainbows of their own.

“There was never anyone around, but I could still hear the birds chirping and the wind in the leaves. It felt like a corner of the world had been sealed off just for me. I’m glad to see that nothing’s changed.”

Some time passes, and Felix tells you more stories about this peculiar bridge: how he asked someone to formal and got rejected and came here to reflect on his actions; how he had to take two different buses every day because his school was so far away from his house, but he always stopped here to feed the families of mallards that came out to swim in the mornings, even if it meant he’d be late; how this was the last place he went to before moving to South Korea, because he knew he’d miss this nook of Sydney most.

Of all the places you've visited, you think this one will remain with you longest. As time elapses, the colors of the sunset augment and deepen, dyeing the world in ways that remind you of the aurora. And then there is the man, wearing a gentle smile to match his softened features, his voice to your ears what honey is to a sore throat, telling you about his past, letting you into yet another chamber of his soul.

You are in no way prepared to butcher the sanctity of this moment, but you know that you can only run for so long and so far. You owe it to him. You owe it to yourself.

When the sun’s final rays are clinging the faraway mountaintops, Felix lifts himself off the railing and stands up straight. “Ready to go home?"

And your hand finds his, the pads of your fingers cold against his skin. Felix is surprised at first, but then he sees the hint of sadness in your eyes and the tension in your shoulders, and he understands what’s coming.

“I want to talk to you about that night,” you say.

Felix doesn’t respond for a few seconds. But when he does, his voice is so soft and so infuriatingly kind that hearing it makes you want to sob.

“...you don’t have to, Y/N.”

“No. I do,” you return, startling even yourself with the firmness in your voice, "I don’t want to keep dancing around the topic, not when you’ve been waiting for as long as you have.”

You feel Felix’s gaze on your face, as if he’s trying to read between your lines, and then he yields with a slight incline of his head.

“Okay.” And the stage is yours.

You don't start talking right away, your mind reeling with the effort to organize everything you feel and verbalize everything you want to tell him. It isn’t until Felix gives your hand a gentle squeeze—you’ve forgotten that you’re still holding his—that you feel rooted in the moment again.

It’s Felix you’re talking to; your soulmate, your sunlight. Nothing you are about to say will ever change that. This, you believe with every fiber of your being.

So you take a deep breath.

“When you said those words,” you begin, and the words sound alien in your voice, despite how many times you’ve rehearsed this conversation in your head, “I couldn’t process a thing. I was so happy, but I was so, so scared. I’ve spent the last month trying to figure out why I was so scared, and I can’t say that I know for sure yet, but I have a much better idea now, and—it’s a lot of things.

“For as long as I can remember, I have only ever been able to love profoundly and deeply, with everything in me. And over time, I led myself to believe that nobody would ever be able to understand or reciprocate my love, not in the manner I want most.”

You feel yourself starting to waver, but you find strength in his touch.

“But you changed that, Felix. You walked into that café that afternoon with your voice and your smile, and suddenly I’d found you—someone who experiences life the way I do, who loves the way I love. And every day since, I’ve been surrounded by you and your effortless warmth and your beautiful soul. It was only a matter of time before I started hoping, constantly and stupidly, that you would one day love me, the same way that I—”

Your voice catches in your throat like a heel slamming into car brakes, “love you” hanging so dangerously from the tip of your tongue that you’re stunned it doesn’t fall out right away.

“But that’s why I’m fucking terrified,” you go on. “When you told me you loved me, I felt like I could fly. But I also felt like I was falling—and maybe this is because I was still tipsy, I'm not really sure—but in that moment I saw a world where we weren't there to catch each other, where something had gone horribly wrong and I'd wake up one morning and you’d—you’d just be a distant memory.

“And that was the thought that shook me so badly: losing you. Leaving you.” You’re crying now, tears paving golden trails against your cheeks. “For whatever reason, that was the first thing that came to mind, and it broke me.”

You need to wrap it up, and fast, if your faltering voice and racing heart are any indication.

“I meant it when I apologized to you that night. I’m sorry, Lix. I’m sorry I made everything so fucking complicated. I’m sorry that I ran away. I’m sorry that I hurt you, or worried you. But I want you to know that I feel more for you than you will ever understand; I just need a little more time to put it into words. So, wait for me—”

Your eyes squeeze shut, and you finally cave, your last word coming out in a shattered rasp.

“—please.”

And the syllable has barely left your mouth when Felix lets go of your hand, only to bring his arms around you and pull you to his chest with such urgency that the breath momentarily leaves your lungs.

When you fall against him, you fall entirely apart. You have no idea where all the feelings are coming from, only that they’re suddenly overwhelming your every sense. And you start to cry, really cry, your fingers seeking refuge in his jacket, in his hair.

The sun departs at last, and night starts to fall. You lose track of how long you remain in this position, shaking with hushed sobs, fighting to regain control of your emotions. But Felix stays with you through it all, muted tears of his own intermingling with yours in the material of his scarf. He holds you carefully yet fiercely, like you really will crumble if he lets go.

And he waits, because of course he does. He would wait lifetimes for you.

One. The way you thaw is like melting snow.

It happens under your nose for the most part, but it is slow, sure, and irreversible, and you open your eyes one morning only to realize that the world outside has changed—and so have you.

You roll over and pick up your phone. There are unread messages from Felix sitting in your notifications, probably confirming the plans you made to get coffee before work today, but you put them on hold for now. Instead, you open up your camera roll and find an album, labeled with a sun emoji and yellow heart.

You made this a few months after you met Felix, and you’ve doted on it since, in the sense that you update it almost every day. Funnily enough, though, you’ve never looked through the album just to look through it. Maybe because you’ve never had the time or felt the impulse, but more likely because you know that the album is a visual time capsule of your relationship with the most important person in your life—which has never been purely platonic for you, despite how hard you’ve tried to change your heart.

Looking through it would mean acknowledging your true emotions, something you’ve never felt ready for.

Now, you open the album without a second thought, a preemptive smile on your lips. And you find yourself swept out of your bed and thrown back inside each of the pictures you see, reliving the moments as vividly as if you’re watching them on film.

This is one of your favorites, taken during a late-night tteokbokki run to a small restaurant behind Felix's company building. Felix was laughing so hard at one of your stories that he could only take bites of his meal every five minutes. His face had broken into a dazzling grin, his figure blurring as he lurched forward in his seat, trying to pull his hood over his face in secondhand embarrassment. Snap. He is always handsome, extraordinarily so, but you think you love the way he looks here most of all: every guard of his lowered, carefree, happy.

Another is from the first time you met Chan. Nowadays, your interactions with the boys consist mostly of running into them at Felix's dorm and making friendly small talk. But it's always been different with the oldest member. The first time Felix introduced the two of you, you clicked straightaway, and you had to have spent four hours after dinner just talking, scouring the city for something cold to eat. By the end of the sweltering summer night, the three of you were perched atop a short stone barrier in a secluded corner of Seoul, right outside the best bingsu place in all of South Korea. Felix had leaned over to steal the last cube of mango from Chan’s bowl, to Chan's dramatic protest. Snap. And Chan is like a brother to you now; you will never be able to fathom how much light Felix has brought to your life, be it through him or the people he loves.

A computer screen displaying a League of Legends scoreboard, in which Felix has died more times than there were minutes of the game. Snap. You (not sober) in the center of Felix's living room, your body poised in what is supposed to be the chorus of “Queencard," Felix and Bin completely losing their shit on the couch. Snap. His head bowed in anguish over a bowl of brownie batter after he mistakes salt for sugar. Snap. A low-quality, tiny Felix on stage, the brightest grin on his face when he finally manages to spot you in the nosebleeds. Snap. Your dining table creaking under the weight of all the gifts he got you for your last birthday. Snap. Him and one of your best friends from home, arms around each other, peace signs thrown up, beaming. Snap.

There are countless more, and they are all so incredibly near and dear to you, all thanks to the freckled boy in each.

You respond to Felix's messages (“be there soon!”), and then move to get dressed. There is a new sense of certainty in your gait when you emerge from your building and into the quiet morning.

The weather is lovely, the fresh sunlight cream-colored against a cloudless sky, the light breeze shuffling the new leaves about. A hound’s ears twitch when you hurry past its home; it is too drowsy to investigate your presence further. The only sounds in the air are the chattering of sparrows in the branches above you and the soles of your shoes, moving quickly across the sidewalk. The wonder in the world is more palpable to you today than it’s ever been.

Soon, the chalk-written menu and hand-carved wooden sign of your favorite café come into view, and you open the door. There are only a few customers inside, and you spot your person right away: his long, dark hair partially pinned back, his figure flattered by a black long sleeve and jeans. He has a duffel bag slung over his shoulder, as well as two drinks on the table before him: one caramel latte and one black milk tea.

When he hears the door jingle, he looks up, and the smile that melts across his face is so fond that you can’t believe there was ever a time when you doubted his feelings for you.

The way his loving smile mirrors onto your face is as inevitable and involuntary as destiny herself.

“Hi,” Felix says, rising from his seat.

“Hey, you,” you answer. “Wanna take a walk?”

And so you do.

You link arms, as always; you try each other’s drinks, as always; you manage to talk about everything and nothing all at once, as always. But when his company building comes into view, your footsteps come to a halt, and your hand fastens around the cuff of his sleeve.

“Hey, Lix—"

When his eyes meet yours, the sun hits them just right, and you have not known anything as clearly and certainly as you do right then.

“—I love you.”

Felix can only stare, his eyes so wide that you can see the whites of them all around, his straw falling from his parted lips.

Then, a smile starts to creep across his face like spilt syrup.

“Say it again.”

“I love you, Lee Yongbok.”

He sets his bag and drink down on the pavement. “Again, please.”

“I love you,” you repeat, starting to laugh. “I love you, I love you, god, I love you, Felix, so fucking much—”

Felix brings his hands to either side of your face, leaning his forehead against your own. And this time, there is no hesitation, no fear—only starlight when he tilts your chin up and finally, finally presses his lips to yours.

Butterflies erupt in your stomach, hordes of them flapping so fervently you feel as though you might take off into the air, but you seek out his elbows, then his shoulders, and then the back of his neck, anchoring yourself to the earth, to him. Felix kisses you like he will never be able to again, and it is all you can do to savor how the curve of his smile feels against your own; how he murmurs the words “I love you, too” in between breaths. He tastes like sugar and smells like shampoo. He feels like forever.

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leahsgf · 20 days

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Can you write Alessia Russo x reader where reader has known her and Ella toone for years and is always watching their matches no matter what but reader and Alessia fall in love behind Ella’s back and then get found out?!

caught out

alessia russo x fem!reader

the way i started this in december and am just editing it now..

i loved writing this and am thinking of making it a mini series - so if you have any reqs for this ‘universe’ let me know! i’m up for anything

since before you could even remember, it had always been you and ella, the pair of you being practically attached at the hip from when you were babies, all the way up into adulthood. your bond only grew with time, and when she introduced you to alessia as young teenagers, the three of you very quickly became an absolutely inseparable trio - falling into eachother’s stride with ease.

you weren’t entirely sure where you ended and they begun.

even as you all got older and couldn’t physically see each other as much as you used to - with them both at the peaks of their careers, and the travel and demands that came alongside that, and you caught up in your own career - you still remained a solid unit. your family.

you didn’t play football, you never had, having always been the scrawny little kid who was terrified of pe lessons, earning yourself the lifelong nickname ‘tiny’, which still stuck even as a fully grown adult. but you were there for every single one of your girls’ moments. rain or shine, no matter what side of the world, or how busy you were with work, you’d be in the stands, cheering them on.

today was no different - finding yourself sat at wembley, a stadium you’d come to learn inside and out, to watch them play. you always adored being at games, seeing your girls flourish always made you want to burst with pride. and likewise, they loved having you there, always playing their best when you were in the crowd- branding you their ‘good luck charm’, and constantly bickering over whose jersey you’d wear to the matches.

being such a tight knit group, and having such a set routine when it came to games - alessia’s transfer to arsenal changed things for the three of you. many things, in fact.

for almost the entirety of the time you’d known them, they’d played for the same teams - the only exception prior to this being alessia’s college days. for you, it came as an adjustment, a new team to learn about so you’d be able to fully understand and appreciate her future stories, different games to go to, and the realisation that your two favourite people were going to play against eachother at some point. at multiple points.

this also meant that most of the time when you were going to one of their games, you wouldn’t see the other. this didn’t make a difference when it came to the times you would go to watch ella play, but with alessia, it changed things. it blurred lines that the pair of you had previously forced yourselves to draw, using ella as an almost reason, signifying the fact you were best friends, and that’s all it was.

in fact, you actually had no idea at what point exactly you and alessia became more than friends. from the secret stolen kisses at sleepovers as teenagers for ‘practice’ to the lingering glances and touches that lasted just a second longer than friendly ones should, you weren’t even sure that you had ever truly been just that.

however, with the sudden absence of the pair of your’s best friend, and the physical representation of the walls put between you, said wall came crashing down - within alessia’s first week at her new club.

your relationship very quickly blossomed from that moment, a decades worth of hidden, suppressed feelings from both sides pouring out.

despite how obviously in love with each other you were, you had been terrified to reveal it to the world, specifically your world, not wanting to lose, or even slightly affect your friendship with her.

the arsenal girls had figured it out instantly the first time they met you, and had been sworn to secrecy by a very flustered and panicked alessia, which made matters even worse, and made what you were doing feel like even more of a betrayal to your best friend.

the months of sneaking around and not being able to tell ella about a relationship you were in for the first time in your life was killing you, and the more time that passed made it more awkward to come out and say to her.

there had been many close calls that didn’t help your stressing over her reaction, from the one time you had to climb out of alessia’s bedroom window when ella unexpectedly showed up demanding a girls night after training, and then had to wait twenty minutes outside before going around to the front door to pretend you’d just arrived, to the time you’d had to practically leap apart mid drunken make out when you had hosted a group of your friends at your apartment and one of them stumbled into the kitchen without warning, and thankfully (for you, not for her) it was only leah.

your cheeks flushed furiously as alessia spun you around, her and ella both immediately finding you after the final whistle had blown, and the lionesses solidified their well earned win.

“see tooney our little good luck charm always comes in handy!” the blonde patted your head after releasing you from her grasp - giggling when ella immediately latched onto you in response, ordering you to ‘pick her up’ after you’d already caught her in your arms.

“my girls! this calls for celebrations, come on, we’re going out!” she yelled, almost ear piercingly loud - quite literally for you, as you foolishly held her right next to your ear.

there was a group of the younger players who always went out to party after wins, and you naturally went along every time - having known most of them for the same time you’d known your best friends, practically being an extra limb to either one of them.

you hung around the locker rooms waiting for them to change and shower, rolling your eyes at the winks and nudges of beth and leah as they passed you, and shoving them away - catching a glimpse of alessia and ella closely behind them, particularly focusing on the former’s panicked expression.

the journey back to the team’s hotel was one that could only be described as loud and chaotic. you were sat on your girlfriend’s lap, squished between her and the seat in-front of you, and ella was sat next to you, so close that it was practically a pile up.

thankfully, she was too busy bellowing an interesting rendition of ‘islands in the stream’ to notice the blonde’s hand on your hip, pulling you flush into her and drawing little hearts and stars onto the exposed skin from where your shirt had risen up.

you and your best friends had always been touchy, so you on one of their laps was a regular occurrence, therefore there was no way in your mind that ella could find out.

you were back and being ushered into their room to get ready for the night ahead before you knew it - desperately attempting not to blush furiously as alessia helped you top up your makeup, following ella’s strict orders so you could all match.

“right i need to find mary she said she’d curl my hair! less, remember what i said! i know how clumsy you are just follow what i told you, yeah? mary! mary!” she didn’t even give herself a chance to finish her own sentence before she was darting out of the room, voice echoing the corridor and most likely gaining a future noise complaint in the process.

not even a second after she was out of sight, alessia turned to you with a grin that only you could read - pulling you into her.

“oh i’ve been desperate to get you alone all week, i’ve missed you baby.” she grinned, throwing her arms around you and peppering kisses all over your face before finally meeting your lips.

you melted into her touch, instantly being returned home just by the slightest trace of her fingertips in your hair, and laughing as she playfully pushed you down onto the bed.

you barely had time to register her the feeling of her lips, and the comforting weight of her on top of you before the sound of a door being flung open and a following gasp hit your ears.

alessia practically flew off of you as you threw your head back onto the pillow and scrunched your eyes closed. you knew exactly who it was without even needing to look.

“el we can expl-”

“MARY YOU OWE ME SO MUCH MONEY!”

and she was gone just as fast as she stumbled in, cackling as mary groaned from the next room.

#alessia russo x reader #alessia russo #alessia russo imagine #lionesses x reader #lionesses #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso fanfics #arsenal wfc x reader

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illicitlimerence-writes · 8 months

Text

game on | m. verstappen

pairing: max verstappen x reader word count: 1.5k words request: nope.warnings: this is just porn. i tried to give it a little plot at the end but it's all just smut. 18+ only, minors dni. it's also badly written and not proofread so yeah a/n: i've been reading a lot of hotd smut fics for like a week and i guess this was inspired by them lmao. it's shit i know but it was an itch i had to scratch

my masterlist

(dear lord, i want him so bad)

the touch of a hand. the discovery of the shape of his lips. learning what makes her tremble.

none of her previous lovers could ever compare to what max made her feel. their connection was out of this world, something one only read about in books. it was magical, the way only they only had to share one touch, one look, and they knew what the other meant, what they wanted.

max loved her eyes. they were expressive and as much as she tried to hide her true reactions to the rest of the world, he only had to watch her for a few seconds to know what she was actually thinking.

he especially loved watching her eyes when they were being intimate. how the tears welled up as she tried to follow his instructions and just resist the urge to snap. how they'd widen in surprise whenever he first entered her, whether with his fingers, tongue or cock. she'd always roll her eyes back when he changed his pace to reach her g spot.

he always made sure to love every inch of her, starting with her face and cheeks, he loved how he could feel the heat rushing there, blood running fast. then he moved down to her neck, leaving small lovemarks all over.

her chest would heave, moving up and down with every shallow breath she took. the way she curled her fingers on his hair only spurred him on, encouraging to continue his way down her body.

slowly, he'd raise a finger and play with her nipples, biting his lower lip as he felt them harden beneath his touch. his mouth would follow his hands, wet tongue ready to stimulate as much as she'd allow.

he'd look up, watching her brows furrowed in a perfect frown. mouth slightly agape as soundless breaths left her lungs. even after years of sex together, she was still as sensitive as the very first time.

he continued his journey down her body, reaching her warm, wet cunt, he looked up again, seeing her already looking down at him. with a pillow beneath her hips, something max always insisted on having to help with her comfort, it was easier to watch his hungry eyes roam her most intimate spot.

his mouth watered at the sight, he hadn't even touched her there yet and she was already ready for him. his fingers touched the sensitive skin of her thighs, big, strong hands holding her delicately. she whimpered, so ready for him it was almost torture. the pad of his finger met her clit, carefully drawing circles on her bud. his eyes flew to her face, hair resting all over the white sheets, her chest still carrying the evidence from his previous attack.

"so beautiful," he whispered, removing his finger to replace it with his tongue.

he could die between her legs, with his face buried deep between her folds and tongue inside of her. what a heavenly way to die.

but he still had a job to finish, he could think about dying later, first, he had to make her cum in a way she’d never forget.

fastening the pace of his fingers on her clit, he drank all of her wetness, a sweet nectar that fueled him even more. he moved his mouth and fingers, switching their position so his mouth was on her bundle of nerves and his fingers entered her, slowly at first, two at once, as she was so ready and prepared for him.

she let out a soundless gasp, closing her eyes as she breathed in sharply. but max curled his fingers in that way only he knew how, making her arch her back and look up at him, the desperate look on her face made a shiver go down his spine.

"please, i want you," she whispered, voice barely audible, "need you, max," she begged, her voice mixing with the obscene sounds of him worshiping her cunt.

"hmm, are you sure you're ready for me?" he said as he sat up, fingers still buried inside her clenching walls, so tight, he couldn't wait to feel her around his cock.

"stop. fucking. teasing." she said, rocking her hips, chasing friction. he smirked, free hand slapping slightly the skin of her inner thighs.

“you didn’t answer my question,” he said, moving so his face was on top of hers. he moved his fingers in and out, a slow torture that made her shut her eyes, a frown on her face and a whine escaping her lips.

“i want you. i’ve been ready for you since you kissed me after your podium,” she whispered, feeling as he moved her hair away from her face and neck, the sweaty skin causing it to stick there.

the moments blurred together as she felt him entering, their lips met, foreheads touched as they both moaned and groaned, the electricity between them was almost palpable, the air was thick and they were the only people that existed in that moment.

her walls around him felt heavenly, clenching every so often as he changed speed or position, which made blood rush to his brain and his cock, getting even harder. it was like a chain reaction, she made a noise or a certain movement, and it caused a reaction from max, which in turn made him roll his hips, grip her thighs or kiss the sweet spot on her neck.

sex with max was a religious experience. she could never get tired of it, no matter how many nights they spent together. he always managed to make her feel loved, desired, wanted. he knew exactly what she needed, even when she didn’t know it herself. he wasn’t afraid to try new things and explore the limits of her pleasure. everything with her consent, of course, nothing was more important to him that she enjoyed things as much as he did.

when she thought she couldn’t hold her climax anymore she always closed her eyes, the air couldn’t reach her lungs as she gave sharp breaths, and that’s when max would change his pace or his position.

and as she closed her eyes, her inner walls impossibly tight around max’s length, max decided not to make her wait any longer.

his lips met hers, one hand over her throat, squeezing lightly as the other rubbed fast circles on her clit. the sum of the overstimulation brought her to a peak that was different from all the others she’d experienced.

her legs shook around him, she wanted to moan and whine, but nothing came out. she closed her eyes so tight that she saw stars, burying her nails on his skin, pulling him so close she could feel his heaving breaths. everything inside of her tensed and then relaxed as she came, max's fingers slowed down on her clit, hips rolling agonizingly slow as he fucked his cum back into her quivering pussy, prolonging the shocks of ecstasy running through their veins.

"i love you," max said, kissing all over every inch of skin on her neck.

"I love you too, my champion," she smiled, lifting a hand to push his hair back, cupping his cheek, her thumb on the dip of his dimple.

"not yet," he reminded her.

"the third one is coming. and you're so close to breaking a new record, you're on win number nine in a row. but ten? that's something no one's ever done before."

"yeah," he said, resting next to her, his back against the mattress. he was nervous about beating a record set by someone he admired so much.

"how about a little incentive?" she said, throwing a leg over his hips, gasping as she felt his cock nestled beneath her folds.

"i'm listening," he said, reaching for her hands, locking her fingers between hers. she started moving, slowly, back and forth, in circles, on top of his hardening cock. "angel-"

"next sunday, after you win your tenth race in a row," she leaned down, lips on top of his, "you get ten orgasms in one day," she looked up at him, shivering at the way his eyes widened.

"that's… a lot,"

"you don't want it?" she raised an eyebrow, leaning back up. max, in his panicked state, grabbed her hips hard and held her in place.

"i don't know if i could survive ten in one day."

"well it's up to you, it could be… you give me ten, i give you ten, or half and half."

"i like that idea better,"

"which one?"

"you getting ten," it was now her turn to shiver at the idea, but the wetness pooling over max's cock let him know she wasn't too much against that idea.

"we'll have to wait and see then," she kissed his lips, "but right now let's go for one more tonight."

"just one?" max laughed, his hand slithering down her body to touch her clit again.

ten wins.

ten orgasms.

game on.

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lowkeyremi · 2 months

Text

"I'M PREGNANT"

How they react when you tell them you're pregnant ! ft. gojo, geto, choso, toji, and nanami (fem reader)

content: no curse!au, fluff, slightly suggestive, mentions of infertility (choso), mentions of a miscarriage, established relationship (marriage + dating), children, families.

Gojo Satoru

Upon arriving home from another stressful day of work, Satoru looks around for his loving, beautiful, awesomest (his words not yours), girlfriend.

"UGHH I had a HORRIBLE day today. Baby, where are you so I can tell you all about it?!!" He takes note of how most of the lights are off and he can't smell dinner. Even on your worst work days you always make dinner, so there are two things Satoru can think of off the top of his head. A. You're out with friends and forgot to tell him or, B. Something is really wrong and you're hiding from him.

His stomach drops at the idea of option B, and as much as he'd like to eliminate that option it is very possible.

"[name]? Where are you?" He asks loud enough for you to hear it from your shared bathroom. You stare silently at the three positive pregnancy tests on the floor next to you. You know it's only a matter of time before he figures it out because he's used your real name instead of a pet name.

"If you're cheating on me then don't worry. I'll only kill the bastard who dared to make a move on you." If you weren't so stressed from your current situation you might have laughed at the fact that Satoru is a clueless idiot. Why would you cheat on him?

He starts walking deeper into the apartment. Into your room, you note, because you can hear his soft footsteps.

"Tell the coward to come out, babe. I bet he's in there with you fearing for his life right now." His voice sounds deadly but you know deep inside he's probably devastated thinking you've cheated on him.

"It's just me 'Toru. I.. I um. I need a minute." He shuffles outside of the door. If you're correct he's probably pressing his ear to the door to listen for another man's voice.

"I'm unlocking the door." He says, and fuck, you forgot that there's that little key at the top of the door to unlock it.

"Toru don't!" He unlocks the door pushing it open to reveal what's going on. It all happens too fast, you launch to try and close the door. In the process, one of the three tests gets kicked. His eyes draw to the moving object. They focus in on the test and he about falls to the ground.

"B-baby.. what are those?" The silence after his sentence is so loud that you could hear the busy city life outside of the bathroom window.

"You know what they are Satoru." He makes his way over to you embracing you so delicately like he'd break you if he squeezed any harder.

"Am I gonna be a daddy?" The question is whispered softly into your ear. Your tears fall landing on his shoulder.

"If you want to keep the baby, then yes." Ultimately it's not his choice, he knows that, but he also understands that this statement you've mentioned means you've already made your decision to keep the little baby forming inside of you.

"Fuck yeah I wanna keep it! Hope it looks like me so you have two adorably cute people to look at everyday. Also what the hell, my pull out game sucks!" He starts muttering to himself about how he could have sworn he hadn't cum inside of you recently.

All your anxiety subsides, and is replaced with faint annoyance when you roll your eyes.

"I'm having second thoughts." He doesn't realize you're joking because of how serious you look.

"Waittttttt I take it back!! The baby can look like you instead PLEASEEEEE PLEASEE KEEP IT." It's astonishing how your boyfriend can go from thinking you've cheated on him to being a sap in a matter of seconds.

Geto Suguru

"Sugu... can we go get some food?" This is the sixth night in a row you've asked this question. At first, Suguru just thought you had the munchies, but after observing you, he thinks there could be a different reason for your sudden change of behavior.

"It's 2:30 in the morning doll.." You sit up sleepily to check your phone and sure enough there are about two minutes until it's 2:30 am.

"How do you do that, Sugu?" He shrugs matching your previous actions.

"You seem to be having munchies every night? You getting enough to eat?" You nod meekly to answer his question. He suspects that you're pregnant but he's not sure how to bring it up.

"I have, but I dunno.. I've just been having these crazy food dreams that make me so hungry. I don't know where it's even coming from." He responds with a nod.

You take note of how he scratches the back of his neck, when he does that he's usually thinking.

"What's on your mind, Sugu?" He sighs inwardly as you get up out of bed to go make your latest craving: pork cutlet rice bowl with a fried egg on top. You didn't even really eat pork much but now you will destroy a pork cutlet bowl.

"I think you might be pregnant." You stop as soon as those words leave his mouth. The tension in the room rises as you try to find words to say.

"I- what? What makes you say that?"

"I mean think about it, last month I came inside of you like three or four times, which is enough to get you pregnant. On top of that you were testing out that new birth control since the other one was giving you weird side effects, and now you're craving pork. You don't even like pork." His reasoning makes since, but you're in denial right now.

"...That's a strong claim to make.... I mean what if it's just munchies?" He rubs his temple before getting out of the bed to join you in a hug.

"I'm not saying you are. I'm saying I think you are. If you are, you know I'll be there every step of the way with whatever decision you choose to make." He's so understanding, it's one of the many things you love about him.

For his sake you guys go out and buy a test for you to take. You took two of them, both showing a '+'.

"Well, it looks like you're gonna be a papa, Sugu." You say handing him the test, so he can see for himself.

"You're going to make an amazing mother, my love."

Kamo Choso

The both of you were clueless to the symptoms. He'd told you it's unlikely he'd ever get you pregnant because his sperm was tested, and he's very much infertile.

So, imagine his surprise when he sees a box of pregnancy tests under the bathroom sink while he's looking for a new tube of toothpaste.

You've already left for work so he'll wait for you to return to ask you about it.

He's excited, honestly. Choso has always wanted to start a little family with you, but he figured his infertility would stop that from happening. His doctor suggested adoption or a sperm donor. The two of you quickly ruled out the second option, it just didn't feel right to you guys.

The topic of adoption has been brought up here and there. You've both considered it deeply.

Choso can't sit still, he's off work today and the excitement within him will not fade away. All day long he's humming and practicing what he'll say to you when you get home. He even started looking at baby stuff.

When he hears the door unlock he's quick to act, greeting you at the door with kissing and smiles.

"Hey baby." His smile reaches his eyes, something it hasn't done in a little while.

"Hey, Cho. You seem to be in high spirits today."

"You're pregnant?" He blurts out the question without even thinking. Shit.. he was gonna try to ease into it.

"How'd you find out? Gosh did your stupid brother tell you? I was gonna surprise you!!" Confusion takes over your face when he gasps.

"You told Yuji before me? Baby.. how could you?" He's only half joking, he's a little bit sad, of course.

"I needed to tell someone!! I wanted to surprise you. I knew you were gonna be so excited." You pull him into a hug. He quickly reciprocates forgetting why he was even upset in the first place.

"Oh, I found out because the box of tests were under the sink."

"I probably should have hidden them better..."

Fushiguro Toji

Even though this is your second baby, telling him will never get any easier. When you'd told him about your first daughter he was indifferent about it. He'd go to great lengths to avoid you. Since you couldn't get through to him your only option was to call your step-son, Megumi.

He guessed that Toji was trying to figure out how to come to terms with being a father again. You had confronted your husband and he did admit to trying to understand the changes that would be made to your lives.

He said that his first daughter with you was his first and last child with you. You agreed with him because you only wanted a small little family. That was about three years ago. Here you are sitting on your bed looking at the test. Your daughter is playing on the floor with her toys.

"Mama, what wrong?" For her age she's quite perceptive. She must get that from Toji you think.

"Remember when you were telling Mama that you wanted a little sister or brother?" You'll break the news to her first. Her reaction will be the cuter and less stressful one.

"Mhm." Toji insisted on getting a bed frame that's somewhat high off the ground, so your little girl is standing right next to the bed waiting for you to pick her up.

Her deep green eyes stare deep into your soul as do your husband's eyes when he looks at you. She's sitting with her legs folded on your bed waiting for you to continue.

"Well.. you're going to have a little sibling." She springs up like a rocket, cheering in happiness.

"And when were you planning to tell me?" Your eyes quickly flicker over to the door frame which Toji is leaning against. There's a smug look on his face, nothing malice. Maybe he wants another one?

"Uh- Toji, baby, I was going to tell you soon. I just... Nami, my sweet girl? Can you go play with toys while mama and dad talk?" With ease she slides off your bed and walks out of your room.

Toji closes the door behind her ensuring she doesn't get nosy. "I didn't know how to tell you. You seemed really set on only having one.."

"I say stupid stuff all the time then change my mind. Do you really think I'd get mad at you for being pregnant? I'm the one who got you pregnant."

For once you don't know what to say.. you did think he'd be upset. Now that he's reassuring you all your anxiety washes away.

"I mean if it's another girl I might end it all." He's only joking, but you think another girl would be pretty funny.

"You're so stupid." He smirks at you, "You like it." Toji's not wrong, you do like it.

Nanami Kento

He could tell before you could. Everything started to add up when you complained about your back hurting, you hadn't mentioned period cramps in awhile and you seemed to be more clingy than Kento's ever seen you before.

It would make sense, he thinks. You'd gotten off of birth control last year and he stopped using condoms when you two got married. He wants kids more than you do, he believes. That want became more prominent after your first baby died three months into the pregnancy.

It would be cute to see you walk around with a round belly, complaining about little things like not being able to put your shoes on, or something of the sorts. He could once again experience that paternal feeling he felt awhile back.

"Honey, what're you daydreaming about now?" You ask joining him on the couch.

"Do you think you might be pregnant?" He asks suddenly taking you by surprise.

"I haven't really thought about it but it would make sense. The aches, cravings, yeah." If he were any normal man he'd get you a pregnancy test, but honey, this is Nanami Kento. You have a doctor's appointment scheduled for the next day.

When you arrive at your appointment with your husband the doctor has you pee in a little cup and he asks a bunch of boring but necessary questions.

On the drive home you notice Kento tapping the wheel to the tune of the song you're playing. He's never really liked your music tastes so he must really be excited.

"I can't wait to get the results." You nod in complete bliss. You're still trying to process the potential pregnancy. There was a time in the past; two months after you'd gotten off your birth control, you ended up pregnant but unfortunately your little baby passed away before being born.

There's hope in your heart that this baby is here to stay... a rainbow baby.

Within a few hours the doctor calls your husband telling him the results are positive. You're going to be a mother if this baby stays strong.

"We're going to be parents." He's so excited but he tries to contain his excitement.

"You're going to be a great daddy, Ken." He smiles dreamily at you. This is a dream come true to him. He couldn't think of anything better.

"I just know this is the one, Honey. We aren't going to lose this one." He tells you quietly with a little smile and you trust him. After all, Kento would never lie to you.

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lovelytsunoda · 9 months

Text

i want candy // lando norris

summary: two podiums in a row for her lover boy. it’s time to celebrate.

pairing: lando norris x female reader

warnings: pure smut, but also giggly and kind of giddy.

“I mean, I stopped counting max’s wins like three races ago so in my books, you’re the big winner.” she laughs, settling across from him on the bed.

“if only the fia saw it that way.” lando laughed, clinking his glass against hers before tilting the champagne to his lips. “but two p2s in a row isn’t too bad, is it?”

“I’m proud of you, lando norris.”

lando smiled, leaning in to kiss her softly. “I’m glad you’re here.”

they crossed their arms over each others, chugging back their glasses. landos thumb rested on her upper thigh, near the hem of her tennis dress as he rubbed gentle circles on her skin. he leaned in, growling playfully as he sucked a hickey onto her neck.

“lando!” she giggled, jumping slightly at the contact against her sensitive skin, dropping the glass and frowning as the champagne worked its way across her skin, dripping onto the hotel bedspread.

“sorry, love.” he laughs, leaning down to lick up the champagne on her thigh.

she moans at the contact, placing the now empty glass on her nightstand before she leans back against the pillows, going up her skirt as lando sucks and kicks his way up her thigh, leaving hickeys and the stick of alcohol in his wake.

“come claim your prize, podium sitter:” she laughs, opening her thighs wider to expose the glittery orange panties she’s wearing. “it’s all for you, pretty boy.”

lando bites his bottom lip, hungry hands reaching to pull down her soaked panties, trying his best not to tear them.”

“lando..” she whined “you’re going too slowly.”

lando giggled, nuzzling his face into her thigh with a kiss. “I forgot how needy champagne makes you.”

“oh fuck off.” she laughs, reaching over to ruffle his hair. “please, lando.”

the driver crept his way up her thigh, blowing cool air over her clit, relishing in watching her drip onto the bedsheets. he leaned in and kissed her sopping core softly, gently teasing her with his tongue.

“you taste just like candy, love. and I want more.”

he kissed her again with even more intensity, slipping his tongue inside of her as she let out a hearty moan, arching her back from the bed before landos large hands pressed her back towards the mattress.

“lando!” she whined “fuck, god, please keep doing that.”

he grinned, witching his focus higher to suck her clit, sneaking a few fingers inside her while he was distracted. she moaned heartily, thighs threatening to close around his head as he rapidly plunged his fingers in and out of her opening, appendages covered in evidence of her arousal.

“try and keep your thighs open, baby. be a good girl for me.” lando cooed, pinching her clit with his free hand.

she screamed his name, bucking against his fingers and fighting the urge to touch her hard nipples underneath her dress. she settled for clutching the sheets, fingers becoming stiff from how hard she clutches the pristine white fabric.

it still astounded her how quickly lando could reduce her to this babbling moaning mess. she doesn’t beg, ever, but somehow lando could get her chanting ‘please’ like it was the only word in the dictionary, like it was a prayer for salvation.

“I can feel you clenching around my fingers, pretty girl.” lando chuckled, picking up the pace he was scissoring his fingers at, changing up the rhythm for better sensations, ones he knew would push her over the edge. “is my good girl going to come for me? come on my fingers, love, don’t be scared. soak my fingers in your come.”

“oh god!” she whines, things finally closing in around her lover as he uses his thumb to draw desperate circles on her clit, her fingers pulling on his curls, a growl leaving his throat. “lando, I’m gonna-“

“that’s it, pretty one. come for me. come, come. I’m the only one who can make you feel this good.”

“yes, god, lando, only you.” she babbled, unable to say much else as she came, walls contracting around landos fingers. “only you.”

he pulled his fingers out, slipping them into his mouth and sucking her juices off them. her eyes rolled back at the sight as lando positioned himself above her, a noticeable tent in his trousers.

“now look what you’ve done, pretty girl.” he chuckled, kissing her softly, allowing her to pull him into his arms. “I think you should take that dress off and let me unwrap the rest of my prize, because there’s no way in hell I’m done with you yet.”

TAGS:

@magnummagnussen @diorleclerc @thatsdemko @sidcrosbyspuck @scuderiamh @scuderiasundays @lorarri @oconso @silverstonesainz @userlando @httpiastri

#lando norris #lando norris x reader #lando norris smut #formula one x reader #formula one imagine #f1 imagine #f1 smut #f1 fic #lando norris fic #mini fic

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ficmenrhot · 4 months

Note

Hiiii idk if u take requests but if you do could you write a smut with Finnick Odair where basically finnick is eating her out and she’s tooooo overstimulated and reader pulls his hair a little to hard, in which Finnock replies with

“Yank my hair like that again I won’t touch you for a month.”

PLEASEEEE

Self-Control

Pairing: Dom Finnick x whiny fem reader

Notes: oral (fem receiving), punishment, hair pulling, slight degradation, overstimulation, fingering, edging

A/N: OKIE DOKIE so actually, in my head, Finnick loves it when you tuck on his hair but for you I’ll change it a bit, also I slightly altered the idea of the request ;)

Minors DNI

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Your shared bedroom is set alight by the pearlescent moonlight shining in through curtain gaps, a light scent of sea salt and musk whiffing through the air from Finnick. The scent is intoxicating; you’re sprawled out on the ruffled sheets with Finnick buried between your legs, your loud moans echoing through the room.

The two of you had attended a party earlier on, and from the lack of attention you received from Finnick who was too busy socialising with the other victors, you decided to tease him in hope that he would finally satiate the immense desire you felt. You tried to pull many tricks-softly running your fingers down his arms, tugging on his sleeves needily, and batting your eyelashes at him knowing he can’t resist.

“Honey, I know that you’re needy tonight, I’ll give you what you want when we go home, I promise,” he’d say at your attempts to break him, but you’d whine with a slight pout, unable to wait any longer.

Finnick’s last straw was at dinner when you decided to run your hand up and down his thigh underneath the table cloth, circling that sweet spot of his through the fabric of his pants. Finnick is a patient man, and you knew you were in deep trouble when he sent a stern look your way instead of his usual sweet ‘not now’.

This is how you end up with your legs wrapped around Finnick’s head, hands tugging on his golden blonde hair, as he continues with his assault on your clit. His tongue skilfully flicks and draws patterns on your swollen clit as he fucks you with two thick fingers at a torturously fast pace. You feel your climax building up for the fourth time tonight but is denied that sweet release as Finnick purposely pulls his fingers out before plunging them in your heat again.

You mewl as your climax is ripped away from you once more, feeling so overly stimulated. Your face is tearstained, whining as you accidentally pull at Finnick’s hair a little too hard, making him groan whilst his mouth is still attached to your clit, sending vibrations through your body.

“Careful now, sugar,” Finnick warns as his teeth gently grazes your clit as a warning, making you whimper quietly.

“I-It’s too much…I said I’m sorry Finn, I’ll never do it again…please let me come” you beg, sounding so desperate as you attempt to grind on his face, earning some friction.

“Please-”

Finnick lifts his head up from your throbbing heat, scoffing as he tilts his head at you, his fingers continuing to thrust deeply as he stares you in the eye with a mocking look.

“I expected better than you honey, but you acted like a desperate whore. I told you I would give you what you wanted when we came back home but you were just such an impatient little slut, weren’t you?”

Finnick sneers, his pearly white canines flashing as he does so, “you really can’t go an hour without riding my fingers huh?”

His head dives back between your legs, angling his fingers, and he finds that sweet spot once more which makes your back arch in pleasure. He adds his tongue once more, circling and tracing figure eights on your clit which makes your body shudder and mouth agape.

Finnick has been edging you for nearly an hour, denying you releases after releases, and the overstimulation you feel is almost painful. Every single touch drives you insane and the sensitive you feel is certainly not helping.

Finnick suddenly switches to sucking your clit instead, and you have to use every strength in your body to stop yourself from coming right then or else the punishment would be worse. You forget about Finnick’s warning from earlier, and you accidentally yank at his hair, a raspy growl falling from his lips.

“What did I tell you huh, sugar?”

“Mark my words honey, tug at my hair like that again and I won’t let you come for a month, let alone touch you. It’s time to teach you some self control.”

You whimper at his words. If only you had listened.

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A/N: to whoever requested this, I hope it lived up to your expectations. I did kind of change it a bit so I’m sorry if it’s different to what you wanted 😭 once again, reblog and likes are appreciated, a follow would be great :)

#finnick odair #finnick odair x reader #finnick x reader #finnick odair fluff #finnick odair imagine #finnick odair smut #finnick smut #finnick x y/n #the hunger games #coriolanus snow smut #finnick imagine #the hunger games smut #thg smut #thg finnick #thg series #finnick odair fanfic #finnick angst

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lovingmattysposts · 3 months

Text

You don't know me 17

P1 P2 P4 P5 P6 P7 P8 P9 P10 P11 P12 P13 P14 P15 P16 P17 P18 P19 P20 P21 P22 P23 P24 P25 P26 P27 P28 P29 P30 P31 P32

pairing: y/n and chris sturniolo

summary: you and chris came from two different sides of the spectrum when it came to the social scale. You had the perfect life, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect parents, but when you start to peal back that layers things got messy. Your life was set and stone, your future was set and stone. That was until he comes and changes everything.

warnings: MENTIONS OF BEING ROOFIED! panic attacks, mentions of therorectically being taken advantaged of (Not in detail it doesn't actually happen!!!), mentions of a funeral and losing a loved one, mentions of death.

Something was wrong, really wrong. I felt like I had just drank an entire bottle of vodka but not a drop ever touch my lips. My vision was going in and out, but I was approaching Chris’s house.

Focus.

Just focus.

I closed my eyes to regain my sense of vision before shaking my head and taking a breath. I walked up to the gate before pushing it open. Friday night? Chris had to be outside by the fire.

I stumbled into the backyard before glancing around. The fire wasn’t lit and there was no sign of Chris. “Fuck” I felt my eyes water. I’d walked all the way here and there was no way I could walk all the way back.

I took a breath falling into one of the chairs by the unlit fire. I put my elbows on my knees and pressed my face against my hands.

Why do I feel like this?

Why can’t I focus?

Why do I feel plastered?

Something’s was wrong.

Where’s Chris?

I felt the tears burn at my eyes as I lifted my head. I leaned back looking towards the woods behind his house and I froze.

His place.

I stood up before walking towards the woods. He had to be there, where no one would find him. I just hope he’s okay.

I pushed into the woods, dodging branches and leaves and I walked. Just trying to push them out of the way, but I felt one scrape my arm, drawing blood.

“Fuck” I cursed as I looked down at my arm, moving my finger over the cut. I looked up to the clearing. Chris’s long shaggy hair hung low as he looked off to the stream.

I swallowed as I stepped forward. I looked down at him, slightly relieved that he was here. But also a burning in my chest thinking, Why didn’t he come?

“Chris?” My weak voice spoke. He didn’t speak as he looked down. I just stared at him before loosing my footing slightly but regaining my balance.

That caught his attention.

He glanced up at me.

I blinked down at him. “Why didn’t you come?” I whispered looking down at him. He just looked at me. “You’re drunk” He stated looking back down at his feet. I blinked at him.

I wasn’t drunk, I hadn’t had a sip of an alcohol the entire night. I sat down next to him. “I told you I don’t drink” I mumbled as I looked off the the stream, blinking, it slightly going blurring.

He stayed silent next to me as I waved in and out of consciousness, blinking over and over just trying to focus. He mumbled something next to me.

“Y/n?” His voice rang. My head turned and I raised my eyebrows. “You aren’t even listening” He mumbled shaking his head. I swallowed feeling tears weld at my eyes.

“Chris, I’m-I’m trying” I said shaking my head looking at him. He didn’t know how hard I was trying. It took every last drop of energy to get here. Focusing on what he was saying when I felt like I was going to pass out was making me panic.

And I didn’t know why.

I placed my hand to my chest.

“Chris” I whispered. He glanced over to me. I swallowed.

“Something’s wrong” My voice broke

Chris pov

“Something’s wrong” Her small voice cracked. I stayed looking at her as her vision was trained in front of her, her hand pressed to her chest. I just stared at her.

She closed her eyes whining.

“Y/n? What’s wrong? Did you take something?” I asked quickly seeing she wasn’t kidding. Something was definitely wrong. She shook her head as she squeezed her eyes shut.

“—Can’t see” she choked her eyes fluttering.

My fight or flight mode struck agaisnt me.

“She’s dead”

I stared at her dad in the face. Not moving, not blinking, not thinking. My mom’s arms came around me. I just stared at Rose’s dad’s teary eyes.

“Overdose” He choked. I didn’t feel it, but I felt wetness against my cheek indicating I was crying, but I couldn’t feel anything. I felt like I couldn’t even feel the oxygen trying to come through in my lungs.

My eyes glanced over to the hospital doors. The hospital that layed the dead body of my girlfriend. And there was nothing I could do.

I’d never felt so broken or so helpless in my life.

“You-You didn’t drink anything? Take any pills? Anything?” I said grabbing her shoulders. She whined as her body fell limp against mine.

“Y/n, answer me” I said loudly as I shook her shoulders as her head moved back and forth. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

“Sprite” She mumbled her eyes closing. I shook my head looking at her. “Y/n, k-keep your eyes open for me. Please.” I said my eyes filling with tears.

She mumbled incoherently to me, her arms falling limp. “Sprite that’s it? That’s all you had?” I questioned, holding her up. She whined as she laid there, helpless.

That’s when it hit me.

She was roofied.

My veins lit on fire.

My jaw hardened.

“Y/n, who gave you the sprite?” I said down at her. She looked as if she was asleep. She hummed. I took in a breath before standing up and then bending down and picking her up in my arms.

She whined and pressed her face into my chest. I held her close to me as we walked out from the woods.

I could feel her breaths against me. It made me feel better knowing she was just out of it, but alive. I hugged her closer to me as the thoughts ran through my head.

“Didn’t come” She mumbled. I looked down at her. “What?” I whispered. “The one person I wanted” She whispered. I swallowed as guilt ran down my veins.

I hated my mind. It was one of things I hated most about myself, along with the long list of other things. I hated the way I acted, I hated the things that I said, the way I acted. The way I let my mind consume me. All of it.

I just didn't think I could have handled knowing that she loved me while seeing her with someone else. It would have killed me. It would have made me do things I regret.

Last night after the painful walk home knowing that it was starting again. The horrible gut wrenching game of love.

Two people falling in love, it's suppose to be beautiful. It's suppose to be the happiest time in your life, but it never was for me. Love had never bought me anything but pain.

My heart was too big, my heart would get to into it. I would put my soul into the person I love, whether they knew it or not. In one case, Rose knew it. She knew it all too well. In this case, she doesn't. Y/n doesn't know. The last thing I possibly wanted to do was tell her.

I hated the situation I was in. I absolutely hated it. Sleeping alone every single night staring up at ceiling, wondering when she was going to break up with him. Knowing there was someone else, was something my mind wasn't prepared for.

I thought I was. Looking into her eyes as she peered up at me, kissing me like I was the only one. Was enough for me to rule out the sleepless nights and heart wrenching questions, just to have her.

The worst part about it was if I could go back, I would agree to it over and over and over.

That's what I hated most about myself.

I pushed my backdoor open, her in my arms as we walked through the living room. I thanked the lord that my grandpa wasn't sleeping on the chair in the living room tonight, because I had no idea how I was suppose to explain this one.

I sighed as I walked down the hallway and into my room, pushing the door open. She whined in my arms and twitched around. I looked down at her scrunched face. She lunged forwards slightly. Shit.

I pushed my bathroom door open, placing her onto her feet, but her knees bent and she fell against the ground. "Shit Y/n" I said I grabbed her arm before her head hit the ground.

She started to gag again before lunching forwards starting to throw up

She clenched forwards grabbing the toilet before throwing up lifelessly against it, slightly missing it and puking on herself. I swallowed as I pulled her hair back.

I was deathly afraid of throw up.

I turned my head as she puked, breathing in. She groaned leaning back before falling against me, as if she barley had control over her limps. I froze as she laid on me, I closed my eyes.

She started to cry which made me open my eyes.

"I hate-" She mumbled. I blinked down at her. "You hate what?" I whispered. Tears streamed down her cheeks. "My life" She cried. My heart broke as I looked at her. Her makeup, once perfectly done, now smeared across her face. On her birthday.

I felt a lump in my throat.

Focus.

"Y/n, I have to get you out of these clothes" I whispered pushing her hair behind her face. She let out a breath, unable to move. I grabbed the bottom of her shirt before lifting it off her head, careful not to get any of the puke on me or on her.

I threw the shirt in the trashcan in my bathroom as she started to shake from the cold air around us. I hooked my arms under legs as I stood up and carried her out of the bathroom. She didn't react, didn't move as I carried her.

I laid her across my bed, and her head fell back and her arms laid lifeless.

I looked down at my feet.

Imagines of Rose's funeral shot through my head. I took in a breath as I sat down next to her. I shook my head as I placed my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath as tears filled my eyes.

She looked like Rose. As lifeless as she was.

I shook my head trying to focus, trying to wipe the horrible thoughts from my brain but I couldn't breathe. My breathing was in and out and I was way too aware of my heartbeat.

Y/n's okay.

She's breathing.

She's alive.

She's not going to die, Chris.

But I couldn't even look at her.

The worst realization of the night was this moment. Because I knew that losing Y/n would feel the same as it felt to lose Rose. That scared me more than realizing that I was in love with her.

I wiped my face.

You're stronger than this Chris. You're stronger than your thoughts. You need to calm down, breathe. I stood up walking over to my desk before pulling out a pill bottle and pulling it open.

I hadn't needed this in a while. The panic attacks don't come as often anymore. Not since the first year moved here. I pulled out a pill and swallowed it, leaning against the desk just trying to calm down.

I hated taking these, they made me tired. They numbed me, but I guess that was a better feeling than feeling like my heart was going to beat out of my chest.

I took in a breath holding it in for a few seconds, like my therapist taught me all those years ago. The one my parent's sent me to before they gave up and sent me to live with my grandpa. I let it out.

This can't be happening right now, you need to be helping Y/n.

Like you couldn't do with Rose.

I looked up at the ceiling. No, no, no. Don't think like that. You're stronger than these thoughts. Control them.

"Chris"

I snapped my head towards the bed. Y/n was turning over, her eyes closed. I walked over to the bed. "Yeah?" My voice broke. She swallowed. "Cold" She cried. I blinked at her before nodding.

Chris fucking focus.

"Okay" I swallowed leaning over her. "I'm gonna get you changed okay?" I said looking down at her face. She let out a breath and nodded. I nodded back as I leaned down to her feet, pulling off her shoes.

What would have happened if she didn’t come here?

I clenched my jaw as the thoughts ran through my head of the possibilities as she laid unmoving beneath me.

The thought of someone taking advantage over her made the panic attack fade away and anger run cold through my veins.

I looked up at her. "I'm gonna take your jeans off and get you some sweatpants and a sweatshirt is that okay?" I asked softly. She hummed, her eyes remaining closed. I tried to shake the angry thoughts.

I hated that this happened, but it always did. Every single emotion I've ever felt always turned into anger. I reached up unbuttoning her jeans and pulling them down. She barley moved.

"If anyone ever hurt you I would put them six feet in the ground" I said quietly. She didn't respond, as I pulled her jeans off. I stood up walking over to my drawers and pulling out a pair of my sweatpants and a sweatshirt before walking back over to her.

I reach down, wiping the mascara under her eyes, she didn't react. I sighed as I pushed the sweatshirt over her head and pulled it over her body. She hummed and hugged her arms together.

I moved her legs before pulling the sweatpants over her body and pulled the covers down and pulled her legs under them, before pulling the covers up to her chin.

She rubbed her head against the pillow as her mouth fell open and breathed softly. I just watched her as she so easily drifted into her sleep. I moved my hand over her head softly.

"Why did you have to fall in love with me too?" I whispered softly.

Y/n pov

I groaned as I woke up. Wow, I feel awful. My mouth tatses--

I froze when I saw a pair of blue eyes staring down at me. My body stiffened when I realized where I was. I swallowed as I glanced down to my clothes. Not my clothes. I looked up at him.

His knees pulled to his chest, staring down at me with dark bags under his eyes. Saying nothing. I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

"Who gave you the sprite?”

I glanced up at him and furrowed my eyebrows. "How did I-"

"Y/n" He stated cutting me off, his eyes boring into mine. I swallowed. "Who gave you---" He said raising his eyebrows. "The sprite" He finished coldly. I swallowed as memories of last night washed over me.

"There are bruises on your neck" He stated. My hand came over the sore skin around my neck. I felt my hand start to shake. "Chris" I breathed shaking my head. He just stared down at me with an expression I couldn't read.

I swallowed looking at him.

He knew the answer.

He pursed his lips and nodded before sitting up and standing off the bed, grabbing his keys. I jumped forward grabbing his arm. "Chris, don't" I cried, pulling him back. He shook me off as he marched towards his door.

I ripped the covers off of me as the door slammed harshly.

I ran after him and caught him halfway down the hall, pulling him back. He turned and looked at me.

"Chris I don't know that it was him" I lied looking at him. He stared at me. "Don't lie to me" He said harshly. I swallowed shaking my head. "You lie him, you don't lie to me" Chris said shaking his head. I pulled his arm, backing up.

"Can we just talk about this please?" I said my eyes filling with tears. He blinked at me. "Please don't hurt him" I whispered. He looked down at his feet.

"If you hurt him, he's gonna hurt me" I said softly. He closed his eyes and swallowed. "I'm not gonna sit here and not do anything" He said looking up at me. I bit my lip and looked off to the side.

"Why didn't you come?" I asked looking back at him. He stared at me. "That's what you're worried about? Why I didn't go to your party? Not the bruises around you neck and the fact that your boyfriend fucking roofied you?" He yelled at me.

I stepped forward wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him into me. He froze under my touch. "I need you to just let this go okay?" I said my eyes filling with tears. "I need you to just be here please. I don't wanna talk about what happened. I don't wanna remember it, i just want it to go away. Chris I need you to let his go" I whispered against him.

His chin fell against my shoulder as I held him, but he didn't hug me back.

"Do you love him?" He whispered against me. I closed my eyes and swallowed.

"I don't think love's suppose to feel like this" I choked back a sob. He sighed as he pulled me against him. I almost fell completely against him. "Why didn't you come?" I whispered against his shoulder.

He sighed as he buried his face into my hair, letting go of a breath.

"I don't wanna talk about it" He mumbled. I swallowed before nodding as we just stood in the empty hallway, two empty people with broken hearts trying their best to fix everything that was broken inside of them.

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