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we-are-indeed-villains · 3 years

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Some things I wish I had known before getting sucked into the whole “dark academia” business:

I waited a very long time to start posting here because It just seemed necessary to wait a bit since DA exploded out of nowhere last year. I just couldn’t bring myself to write when I was so disgusted with the community. Now that it seems like we are out of fashion again (lol) I decided it could be worth giving this blog a try.

Also, almost everything I say here goes for pretty much any change in lifestyle, and these are just some general guidelines that I find particularly easy to follow, but do what works best for you!

1 - You DON’T have to spend all of your money to fit into this “aesthetic”.

The biggest problem with what is now called dark academia (but really, it has been a thing for such a long time) is that people put it in the same category as, for instance, VSCO girls or Indie (not that there is any problem with these aesthetics in specific, they are actually quite cute!). I know this sounds like rubbish, but DA really is a little bit more than that. The clothing/visual part of it may be important to some, but the way you choose to live your life and the hobbies you opt to engage with are crucial for everyone!

That being said, don’t spend a ridiculous amount of money on expensive linen shirts and fancy blazers. You don’t need a brand new pair of Oxfords or a 100% leather messenger bag to consider yourself DA. Start small, then make investments if you find it to be worth it. That brings us to our second point:

2 - Find your favourite aspect of the community.

I know it can be very overwhelming to adhere to any new style of living, but there are some easier ways to make a smoother transition (also, you don’t really want everyone to notice that you went from water to wine in one week, and then back to water after two more because you felt lost amidst all of those weird nerds you found on Tumblr, right?).

Begin with figuring out what part of the lifestyle you identify with the most. Is it the musical part? Classical dance? Are you into poetry? Books? History?

Once you have that done (I plan on doing posts on all of those topics and more, so stay tuned!), narrow it down until you find the very core of your interest. For example, I absolutely love literature, but what do I love about it? Is it the writing part? The reading part? Both? Do I have a favourite style? If the answer for the previous question is ‘no’, try to find one! There are so many amazing styles and eras to explore!

After determining what is/are your main interests, make sure to find time to fit them into your life. Buy more books, if possible. There are also public libraries with a great variety of literature to choose from! If you already do that, I encourage you to try getting out of your comfort zone and attempting something new. Why not experiment reading a different style of books? Or maybe getting into the more poetic part of literature?

3 - Get into it!

Have you found your main interest? Great! Now it may be time to actually get into the fashion aspect of the whole thing. Also, remember that, although it is not a requirement per say, being academically successful is something you may want to achieve, so put some effort into that as well.

I won’t get too much into the fashion rabbithole, but I may write something about it later. In the meantime, you can definitely find some great guides on different DA related blogs.

4 - Don’t adhere to all the negative habits that DA romanticizes.

We all know that mental illness and self destructive behaviors are heavily romanticised, and I will say this from the bottom of my heart: DO NOT LET YOUR MENTAL HEALTH SLIP BECAUSE OF SOME 15 YEAR OLD ON TUMBLR! Trust me, it is NOT worth it.

Cigarettes, alcohol, coffee, all-nighters, heavier drugs. All of that may seem cool and edgy from the outside (why people think that, I could not tell you), but it can also defeat the main purpose of DA and, even worse, ruin your physical and mental health for good. How are you going to stay ahead in school and go to Oxford if you are too busy partying and snorting coke? You will get a sore nose and a big hole in your pocket, that’s all.

Nihilism is another one. Note that I said “nihilism”, not "existentialism" (more on that coming in the future). If you enjoy pondering the reason for human existence and you question the religious beliefs that control our society, welcome to the club! But please, please, don’t let that get too much in your head. Existential depression is a very painful and difficult thing to deal with. It will take away any joy you may find and it is not in any way productive. If you have it, you will know what I mean. Thinking about it sometimes, writing poems, debating with friends, that’s all good, even encouraged, but don’t let it go to your head and become a problem. Not worth it.

Some extra things I would like to mention:

1 - Don’t force yourself into doing or enjoying anything. Sure, reading is good, but if it isn’t enjoyable there is no reason to become obsessed with it! DA should not be a burden.

2 - Stay away from the eurocentric ideals that come with the community. Racism is bad even if you want to live in the 1800s. There is simply no excuse to think that European culture is richer or more refined than any other. Remember that the only reason you think that is because some rich, old, white men decided to murder and opress millions of different people for pure egoism. Not really something to be proud of.

Also, if you are thinking “Yeah, whatever, but English culture is a lot nicer than Mexican, or Indian culture”, then you should probably reevaluate the reasons for your interest in DA.

3 - Don’t be mean to people just because you think it fits with your all-new pretentious and arrogant character. I don’t care if you want to be perceived as such, but it can be very bad in the long-run. Just be aware of that.

And most importantly, don’t let DA take away your personality! It’s okay to like video games and read gossip magazines every once in a while. It is also okay to be yourself. You don’t have to (and probably shouldn't) get rid of all the qualities that make you unique (yes, this is a cliche, but there is a reason why people say it all the time). Be silly, say dumb things and play minecraft with your friends all night, for godsakes!

“This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

(Hamlet - Polonius, act 1 scene 3)

-- Shakespeare, William

Memento Mori, dear villains.

#dark acadamia aesthetic #dark academia #chaotic academia #light academia #romantic academia #cottage academia #art academia #classic academia #aesthetic #guide #vintage aesthetic #literature #poetry #classic

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daisychvins · 3 years

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｡･ﾟﾟ･ — introduction.

introducing ... violet’s demise ! aka grayson aka her big brother she’s been wiring money to stay away in europe <33333

name: grayson swag money jeon age: 22 turning 23 (don’t ask me about his sign that’s for liza to figure out someday <3) gender: cis male; he/him hometown: baltimore, maryland sexuality: bisexual & biromantic

listen i was feeling rlly committed to completing his stats but i’m already over it so don’t ask dont tell xx anYWAYS let’s get on to the juicy stuff hehe

i tend to ramble a lot so this intro is gonna be probably a mixture of paragraphs and bullet points and everything in between but let’s start simple. also i rlly wanna emphasize a massive DRUGS TW bc his character largely revolves around his interest in and addiction to drugs

blackmails

grayson is claiming that he's been in a rehab program for the last year and is now completely sober and reformed when he really was just using the money to party and travel throughout europe.

without his parents paying to support him now, he's had to start dealing to make ends meet and keep up appearances. it’s mostly coke, but he dabbles in harder substances depending on what his connections can get him.

grayson dabbles with calligraphy and was notorious for forging excuse notes and parent signatures all throughout high school and even now sells forgeries for a quick buck. the most notable of these was xavi’s letter of recommendation that helped him get into yale.

background

grayson is violet’s older brother!!1 yes, that’s right, THE big brother who’s been out of the country getting LIT (and by lit i mean he’s been traveling europe on a series of solo trips w his parents’ money and doin lots of recreational drugs)

i haven’t fully fleshed out the dynamic he has w his parents but just know it’s ,, bad ASDHFJNK basically the jeons treated their children like accessories and expected them to be their little trophies and grayson just was not having that as a kid!!! so he acted out a lot and obviously got himself into a pretty bad scene (thank u goosie) and is basically the bane of his parents existence at this point <3 yet they still try to appease him to keep him under control but that’s for the family task to work out hehehehe

despite hating his parents, he adores both of his siblings. before the drug use started, he was always a big nurturer and would have done anything for either of them......now he wouldn’t be caught dead praising violet but he loves her in secret from afar HSJDFKG

yeah basically he met goose when he was around 15 i think????? and got introduced to drugs around 16 or 17 i wanna say and by the time he graduated high school he was just....a much different person than the soft big brother he used to be. his parents sent him off to europe pretty much as soon as he turned 18 under the guise of going to school internationally, but grayson obviously knew the truth and understood that he was being sent away so he wouldn’t be his parents problem anymore.

he basically spent the last four years galavanting europe and just....trying to enjoy it???? but it’s hard to enjoy an extended vacation when u have no family or friends on ur side anymore </3 he basically used the money to stay in hostels and worked odd jobs here and there to stay afloat and keep supplied w the...special goods....but yeah lots of drugs, alcohol, sex, and recklessness but he DID learn a couple languages??? or at least enough to get through some pretty basic conversations in most european countries so <3 guess it’s all okay then!!!!

anyways idk what else to put here that u won’t just find out in the family task so uhhhhhh idk lmk if u need anything else i guess

present/personality

so now grayson is just vibing at yale obviously ummm he actually got super into writing after high school, especially poetry. he used to carry journals full of just random prose about his addiction and his deepest thoughts, as well as probably some lighter stuff about his love escapades or maybe goose idk...basically he used poetry as an outlet and it allowed him to really ground himself and find his place in the world even if it didnt include who he thought it would SO with that being said, grayson got into yale due to a poetry competition he was a part of. he saw some big fancy competition being advertised and on a whim decided to submit some poem about his struggles with addiction and losing his family (a v raw piece that he didn’t expect to ever see the light of day) and he actually ended up winning! it caught yale’s attention and they invited him to apply and, knowing how much it would probably disturb his little sister, grayson very smugly applied and was pretty stoked to see he got in

because that poem gained such publicity, it was assumed that he was a survivor of addiction and was writing from a sober perspective. he didn’t want to correct anyone, so he just went with it and has basically crafted this story about his massive success and has become an advocate for addiction treatment and rehabilitation. of course, none of the companies that sponsor him or the events that host him as a motivational speaker know that he’s snorting lines in the bathroom beforehand or dealing to half the elites, but that’s between grayson, god, and the blackmailer !

basically grayson showed back up because of violet’s blackmail being exposed. he was off in europe, unable to defend himself, and with a massive vendetta against his family so he decided what better way to reenter society than by publicly outing himself as a martyr <3333 his plan is basically to bash the family name to fulfill whatever angsty coming of age arc he has in store for him to make up for the pain of being sent away .... really angsty yeah </3 rip grayson

anyways yeah he’s a total fake. he’s been using his status as a martyr to his advantage a lot, the best example being his recruitment into the elites. he guilted them into accepting him by discussing the PR benefits of recruiting a member that struggles with addiction and how supporting addiction treatment and second chances would be such a good look for them. like he basically threatened to publicly expose them for denying him due to his troubled past and accuse them of being exclusionary so they said boop ! ur in. now the elites are proud advocates for second chances <3333

i would describe grayson as fearless, overconfident, infamous due to his condition being exposed recently, a little gloomy, he’s kind of just got this chip on his shoulder and feels like he has something to prove....he’s gotta be better than his parents, gotta stick it to them and to violet and to everyone who doubts him. he’s a grumpy guy with a massive vendetta and a need for some kind of justice. he just doesn’t know what that is yet. despite all of the bad, however, he’s genuinely a pretty good guy. he’s really goofy and a genuine person, pretty friendly with literally everyone until they give him a reason not to be. basically, unless you are a member of the jeon family he probably likes you or is at least cordial to you (unless we plot differently ofc but u know). he’s just a big lovable dummy with some sweet drug connects and a knack for poetry. he also knows calligraphy but that’s beside the point .

idk if this is enough to describe him but yeah if u have any questions just let me know hehe

this is probably gonna make things hard but considering violet was just exposed i think that he’s pretty new to yale ???? like probably just transferred in/started this spring semester rather than being here for the entire year/a prolonged amount of time so most of our plots will likely have to be newer/center on him first showing up OR we can establish their connections from pre-europe which is also fine w me....idk i didnt rlly think this timeline through so let’s just plot and see what happens aghbfjnd anyways i included some connection ideas to help us all just in case

wanted connections

i’d say he’s the honorary dealer of the elites aghbdfjn so literally anyone who needs a plug could be a potential connection. we can obviously tweak this and customize it to each character <3

maybe someone who met grayson in europe. they could have travelled together for an extended period of time or even just a brief encounter. he was over there for four years, so the possibilities are endless.

building off the last one, this same connection could work with a romantic interest. maybe they were romantically involved for a time in europe and fell out of touch or maybe grayson/your muse just left in the middle of the night and they never saw each other again until now and maybe there’s some unresolved feelings/one-sided longing or need for closure. it could also be that they just hooked up whenever this person was in the area and that was that, no strings attached.

maybe someone who genuinely believes that grayson is actually sober and really admires his strength and idk maybe they’re struggling w their own issues and seek advice from him or maybe they just make it harder for him to actually do his thing bc they’re constantly around and it’s not like they can catch him strung out and acting up

someone in the literature department or with a background in english or writing. someone he could read poetry to, or share his favorite lines with. someone who’s taken the same professors and can tell him who to watch out for or what to expect. idk i just want him to have someone to share his passions with. maybe a little crush is forming? maybe they’re just friends who share a love of fiction? idk i’m open to literally anything

he’s sort of a motivational speaker now bc he advocates for rehabilitation resources and stuff so like maybe ur muse saw him give a presentation or participate in some kind of seminar and they called bullshit on him after the show bc they were like,,, bro i literally saw u partying w max and avery last weekend what the fuck are u on about and now they could potentially hold that blackmail over his head hehe......

exes plots are always fun we love angst in this house

fuck it let’s bring another family member BHJFNGKM no but grayson rlly is a nurturing guy and like....definitely develops unhealthy attachments to cope w his loss of family so he’d love all the sibling-like bonds he can get to kinda numb the pain of “””””losing””””” violet

if none of these interest you i’m literally so down for anything pls just let me know and i’m happy to brainstorm always <333333

thank u for reading this....smooch .

#anyways this is just under 1900 words whoops #stream of consciousness wins again #intro #literally dont even have my tags sorted yet dont talk to me .

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ziamhaze · 4 years

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Hi, I hope you're well! I just want to start off by thanking you for all the wonderful fics you have blessed me with!

I just finished Red vs. Black and was hoping you wouldn't mind answering some questions I have. As someone who risks his own life to save others, how does Liam justify being with someone he knows has killed innocent people? It'd be one thing if Zayn had only killed those directly involved with what happened to his family, but he's killed innocent civilians over minor inconveniences (such as the teenagers in the convertible). Does Zayn still think he is justified in doing so? Does he ever feel guilty about it? If not, how would Liam and Zayn be compatible if their moral compasses are so different?

Also, did Zayn's father ever make his way to the UK? Or was that just a lie he told Zayn to comfort him? Does Zayn ever find his family, especially his younger sister?

I know it's a lot, but I'd really love to hear your answers if you want to give them! Again thank you for all of your wonderful works!

So sorry it’s taken me this long to reply, but I didn’t forget!

To start I’d like to thank you for clicking, and finishing, Red vs. Black. It isn’t the shortest of fics, nor is it the most delicate - to put it lightly. For the latter alone, thank you.

These are such poignant, important questions. Ones that are nearly word for word what I asked myself while planning the ending.

SPOILERS FOR ALL OF RED VS. BLACK

1) How does Liam stay with Zayn after learning of all his senseless killings?

Honestly, I questioned this the most when feeling out the concept. As a fic writer it’s expected of me to write not only a romance, but also a happy ending. Of course fics exist that do neither, but they’re very rare and not exactly well-loved. And truthfully, a massive point that I wanted to get across - and which in effect answers this question - is that despite people’s pasts, they cannot overcome them without being given the opportunity. 100%. No ands, ifs, or buts. For a prisoner to assimilate back into society and not go back to their old ways, they need to be trusted with a job. With a salary (no matter how small), they need to trust themselves to be able to not buy anything that may contribute to poor habits: drugs, alcohol, weapons, gambling, a means of transport that will give them the ability to visit bad influences (more of a psychological thing, but still). A lot of prisoners are never given this opportunity (especially in the United States), and therefore fall back into their old ways, which are more often than not coping mechanisms to deal with the fact that they can’t fit into society as easily as privileged people to begin with; it’s a terrible cycle. However, there are plenty of success stories of those that truly wish to change and are lucky enough to stumble upon an employer or mentor or sponsor of some sort that hands them an inkling of hope/trust that they use to fight their way back up. The fic is fantasy, and while Zayn’s story is rooted in real world PTSD, I think the prisoner analogy is easy for us to envision and therefore, understand why Liam acts the way he does. I also made it a point in the last scene when they’re talking things out to have Liam voice his contingency: if Zayn so much as spits at anyone, he’s done for. That’s to say, he’s not wiping his slate clean just yet.

2) Does Zayn still feel his useless killings were justified?

I’m going to answer assuming that you’re referring to the time after the fic ends.

Looking back at his actions is something that would be inevitable when he starts therapy, and this is a perfect example of one of the questions his therapist would ask. You may not like my answer, but as an author I find it imperative that I speak of my characters realistically and to keep them true, not how I want them to act. That said, yes, Zayn would still find justification in why he’s done what he’s done.

There are a few instances in the story where this is actually explained. Take the scene in the bar with fancy mixologists. Zayn begins to get aggravated over the people in the room simply because they’re ignorant to the feeling of significant pain. There’s also the scene where he’s back home in Cheshire and Harry straight out tells him, he may be furious at the unfairness of the world, but he needs to learn how to come to terms with it. It’s not going to change. This right here is what a therapist would work with him to do, and also why I had Harry be the one to bring this up in the story - he is one.

I know it sounds incredibly foreign to the average person, but trust me when I say that people struggling with anger problems founded in (un)fairness, exist. I’ve spoken with professionals about it. Add on crippling childhood PTSD and a villain like Zayn can definitely be born. It’s why treatment is needed, and why the answer is ‘yes’ in the beginning of Zayn’s journey to peace. When his answer switches over to ‘no’, that’s when it’ll be outwardly apparent that he’s beating his ailment. Unfortunately, for many, the inner battle with mental health is lifelong; the answer ‘no’ will never turn solid.

3) Does Zayn feel guilty about the above?

Again, there are a couple times when I write Zayn to literally mention how he feels zero guilt. However, if you really really pay attention you’ll notice that these instances aren’t villain related.

For example, meeting Liam’s parents:

After handing his father and Zayn each their tea, Liam looks between them suspiciously. "Leaving the two of you in a room together was a bad idea."

"Don't know what you're on about," Geoff replies innocently. "We were just talking about cars, weren't we Zayn?" Even with all eyes on him, the pressure of lying doesn't get to Zayn. It never does.

"Yeah," he agrees, bringing his drink up to his lips carefully, "cars."

Or, after Zayn walks out from the comedy club:

"It takes a lot of courage to get up there and do something like that, don't you think?"

"Not really."

Liam looks to the side, hoping that he can interpret more from Zayn's answers by seeing the expressions that go with their frankness. "So if I signed you up, you would do it?"

"Why would I want to make a room full of strangers laugh?" Zayn retorts, his right eye scrunching up in distaste, like it's a mannerism of his provoked by moronic questions. "I don't have a superiority complex." Liam thinks he might, but. "I know I'm better than those people, no mediocracy to cover up here."

So we’ve got those, but then we’ve also got this massive character point:

Right as the last of the snake's body emerges, Zayn snaps his fingers, triggering heavy hip-hop music to flow through his headphones and drown out the man's blood curdling cry.

If he could permanently damage people who deserved it, not always because they did something to Zayn, but because he liked to play god and throw them a massive curveball like life had done to him, then why shouldn't he? So long as he pulls his soundproof headphones off the little robot on the inside of his right arm to avoid listening to the pain his choice brutality caused, there's no valid reason he shouldn't take advantage of the gift he was given.

From where he's sitting, he probably won't be able to hear anything, but he fastens the equipment over his ears just in case.

All at once, the atmospheric sounds of central London, mixed with the terrified screams of those in the burning building beneath them, hit Zayn at full force. The sensory overload alone would normally be enough to piss him off, but tack on his protection from audible trauma being taken and being spoken to while in villain mode, and he's seeing red as deep as the pits of hell he knows he's destined for.

I wrote Zayn’s headphone usage as a way to alert that the reader that he does, in fact, feel villain-related guilt. He can’t act on his anger without them on. He’ll have his victims screams stuck in his head, and he’d never be able to handle that a.k.a. there’s zero satisfaction from their literal pain. Think about that and it’ll answer your follow-up question.

4) What happened to Zayn’s family?

Zayn’s father meant what he said - he’d do whatever he needed to reunite his family. That wasn’t a falsity at all. The problem is money. And politics, but let’s start with the issue of money. It took Yaser nine years to save up the amount he paid to have Zayn and Waliyha smuggled across the border. The whole concept of smuggling is that it’s a cheaper option than the legal one. So if we look at this, you can see how long it would take him to save for three adult visa fees, three adult plane tickets, and enough to stay afloat for a month or so when they get to England. Now add in the politics of the early 2000s and the Afghanistan/Pakistan region. We know that Yaser fixed air conditioners for a living. No person with that average of a background is going to have an easy time immigrating anywhere. Even so, would it really take him over 18 years? While it’s plausible, perhaps a man with such determination would find another way. Or...was that unnecessary because he was fed lies?

Think about it. After several weeks and no word from his children, don’t you think he’d cause a riot? He’s the type to drive over to Badar’s house and demand his relatives get in contact with him to find out what’s going on. But, given the flashback Zayn has, it’s obvious that Badar never planned on accompanying any of the children to the UK, and if that’s the case, he clearly couldn’t return to Quetta. I imagine a fully rehearsed story was told to all of the children’s parents about how they were killed somewhere along the way.

As for Waliyha, her whereabouts were told to my gang over on Patreon a while ago. In short, yes, she’s still alive and I plan on pitching the book’s sequel to publishers as a graphic novel series revolved around her location. Louis’ dark web bot finally found a hint as to where that might be, so Zayn and Liam go on a journey across Europe to find her. Each issue would (probably) take place in a new city and involve both fighting a single bad guy.

Just a quick reminder to anyone who reads this, Red vs. Black and all involved characters are my intellectual property and cannot be replicated, manipulated, or stolen.

Again, thank you for your question and time! I know my fics aren’t short and take a huge time commitment to finish. If you have any other questions, don’t hesitate to send them my way! I’m super busy writing the next story and doing critical work, but I promise I’ll get around to it.

#thank you for the questions and for CARING #I think the collective of fanfic readers get a bad rep for not being mature readers and caring about things other than fuzzy feelings #so thank you #my writing #red vs. black #anonymous

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my-fandom-galaxy-13-03-22 · 5 years

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First date

[Hello lovely people, @timelessgarcygirl was so kind and sent me 2 writing prompts. This is the oneshot for the first one “Malcolm and Edrisa go on their first date. Both of them are adorable and sort of awkward with each other.” Please enjoy (and ignore my grammar mistakes 🙈)]

The team was just about to leave the morgue after receiving an update from Dr. Tanaka about the latest victim in their current murder case. “Special Agent Bright, would you mind staying for a moment. I have a question for you?”, Edrisa asked, sounding a bit nervous. Malcolm glanced at Gil then at Edrisa, “Yes, of course.” With a nod, Malcolm sends the rest of the team on their way back to the office. “What’s your question?”, Malcolm enquires, thinking the doctor might need assistance with something related to the case. “Well, I was just wondering if you might want to go out on a date…with me?” She quickly added the last part.

“Oh?”, a look of surprise paints Malcolm’s face. He certainly didn’t expect this kind of question. He thought about the proposition for a moment, considering his past interactions with Dr. Tanaka. He had to admit to himself that he had grown quite fond of her, and realized he always looked forward to seeing her at work. He also recalls how happy she looked after he gave her the lollipop. A simple gesture that wanted to make sure to repeat to see her smile again.

“Yes.”

“Yes?”, she repeated his answer and confirm that she understood him correctly. “Yes. I’d like to go out on a date with you.” Although the initial question from Dr. Tanaka had thrown him somewhat off guard, he regained his confidence. After all, for now at least, she wanted to date him, and he would very much like that to happen as well. “We could go to dinner or something. Whatever you prefer.”, he smiled hesitantly at Dr. Tanaka. “Dinner sounds nice. I’d be up for that.”, she replied, trying to sound casual. Malcolm nodded, “Okay, good. I’ll pick you up tonight. At seven?” – “Yeah, okay. I’ll see you then.”, Dr. Tanaka blushed. To her surprise, she could detect a slight blush on his cheeks as well. “Yes, see you tonight.” Malcolm awkwardly waved at her, and quickly left the morgue to rejoin the team.

Edrisa chuckled at his behavior. She was proud of herself for taking the first step and asking her crush. She would thank Dani later for the encouragement to just go for it. Now all that was left to do was finish work and get home to get ready for the date.

Later that day

Malcolm checked his watch for the 5th time, confirming the was not too early nor too late. He stood by his car, parked in front of Dr. Tanaka’s home, dressed in a dark suit with a white dress shirt and a bow tie. Admittedly, his sister Ainsley had helped him get ready, almost more excited than he was that he had a date. Exactly one minute till 7pm, he walked to the front door. He took a deep breath to calm himself and stop himself from fidgeting. Malcolm rang the doorbell, and almost immediately Dr. Tanaka’s voice was heard. “I’ll be right there, one second.” – “Okay.”, Malcolm answered, though he wasn’t sure he had said it loud enough. Not long after, the door opens, revealing Dr. Tanaka, who like Malcolm, had dressed up for the occasion, wearing a beautiful dress. Malcolm simply starred at her, thinking how lucky he was that the woman opposite him asked him out. “Hi, sorry. Just had to grab my bag. You clean up nicely.”, Edrisa ripped him from his thoughts. “What? Oh, thank you. You look…you look lovely.” Edrisa thanked him for the compliment. “Shall we get going then?” Malcolm nodded, and held his arm out for her to take. She gladly accepted and led him lead her to the car, where he very gentleman like opened the door for her. “Thank you.”

The drive to the restaurant remained mostly quiet. Neither sure what to talk about. Luckily their destination wasn’t too far away, so the silence wasn’t too awkward. After parking the car, Malcolm quickly got out to once again open the door for his date. Once they were inside, a waiter lead them to their reserved table. The restaurant was nothing too fancy. Malcolm, despite the money his family technically has, preferred things to be a bit more lowkey. After they were both seated, Edrisa compliments his choice of restaurant. “I’m glad you like it, Dr. Tanaka.” – “Maybe we should start using first names, since this is a date and all.”, Edrisa interjects. “Right, sorry. Of course. Edrisa.” The doctor finds herself blushing again. As cliché as it sounded, she liked the way he said her name. “How about we order something to drink.”, she then suggested to ease the tension a little. Malcolm agrees, and they both look at the options. “I think I’ll have a lemonade.” Edrisa realizes he chose a non-alcoholic drink, so she follows his example to make him feel more comfortable. She has the suspicion he prefers to stay away from alcohol because he may lose control over his actions or (of course only after having too much) loose his memories. The waiter takes their orders, and the two are left alone once more. It remains silent until the waiter returns, only a few minutes later, and puts the drinks in from of them. “This is a nice place. How’d you find it?”, Edrisa asks Malcolm, taking a first sip of the lemonade. “My sister actually told me about. Thought it be something suitable.” – “I didn’t know you have a sister?” Malcolm chuckles, slightly awkwardly, “Well, I don’t really talk about family much, cause…well you know…”

“Your dad’s a serial killer.”, Edrisa finishes for him. “Yup.” Edrisa looks at him encouragingly. “Does that bother you? My family’s past?” Edrisa shakes her head, “No but to be fair, I’m kind of used to these things. I’m just sorry that you have to suffer for your father’s actions.” – “Thank you. But I’m fine.” Edrisa scoffs at him, causing Malcolm to chuckle. “Alright, maybe not completely fine but I’m working on it. I feel like we should maybe not get into the topic of my family too much. At least not on our first date.” – “Okay, then what would you like to talk about?”, Edrisa asks, looking at him expectantly. “You. I’d like to get to know you better. All I know is that you’re a brilliant pathologist, who for some reason likes me.”, Malcolm adds shyly. “Well, there are many reasons for me to like you.”, she smiles at him, “and I agree with the brilliant part.” – “What made you want to become a pathologist anyway?”, Malcolm asks, which leads them to finally have a proper conversation. After talking about her profession, and a little about their shared work, they start talking about more mundane things like favorite music etc. At some point they remember to order food, too, thanks to the waiter who came to check on them. They were just about done with the main course and deciding on dessert, when both their phones started ringing.

Edrisa takes the phone out of her bag, “Work.” Malcolm checks his phone, too. Gil’s name appears on the small screen, “Yeah, me too. Looks like we have to end the date early.” Malcolm can see that Edrisa is disappointed and maybe a little sad, a feeling that he shares. “Come on, I’ll drive us to the meeting point. And one the way there, we can plan our second date.” There it was again, Edrisa’s lollipop smile that he liked so much. “I’d like that.” They both get up to leave. Malcolm quickly pays for the bill, and then they had to the car.

They arrive at the crime scene, both still in their fancy outfits, walking side by side. Once Gil sees them, his face holds the look of a proud dad, glad that Malcolm is getting out there. He’s known Edrisa for a while now and thinks they’d be good together. Dani nods in Edrisa direction, having been the one to encourage her to ask Malcolm out. JT comments on their attire, causing them both to blush. Dani steps in and fills them in on what ‘s happened. They both quickly turn professional and get to work. One of her coworkers hands Edrisa a white suit to wear over her dress. After they’ve inspected the body as well as the crime scene, they talk with the team about the next steps. Since it’s somewhat late at night (10pm-ish) Gil decides that Malcolm could work on the profile at home and that the rest are done until early in the morning.

Despite the work ahead of him, Malcolm insists on driving Edrisa back to her place. Once they arrive, he accompanies her to the front door. “Edrisa. I just wanted to thank you for the lovely evening. And apologize that it ended so abruptly.”, Malcolm says, his head hanging low. “It’s not your fault. Plus, we’ve already got plans for a second date, so it’s all good.”, she cheers him up. Edrisa takes a mini step towards him. “Would it be okay, if I gave you a kiss on the cheek to say goodnight?”, she asks tentatively. With a shy smile on his lips, he nods, thankful that she respects and understands his hesitations towards physical actions (excluding the times he is in the work field confronted with a criminal). They bid each other a good night, and Malcolm heads home to start working on the profile. As the clock nears midnight, his phone vibrates. Edrisa’s name appears on the screen with a message attached: “Don’t work too late. Make sure to rest well. Good Night.” Malcolm smiles, and for once he listens to her, and goes to bed.

#prodigal son #requested #prodigal son imagine #malcolm bright x edrisa tanaka #my writing #my gif #im sorry for mixing up the tenses (grammar stuff)#hope it's still okay

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harrysbubba · 6 years

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Please make a part 2! I need some angsty Harry!

A/N: This took me AGES to write bc I was playing around with different situations and…hear it is. I actually got angry at myself for writing thisbecause of the passive aggressive angst omg

Title: Go to Hell Part II

Part 1

MASTERLIST

+++

Harry hadn’t been his best self lately.

He had his family inquiring why he hadn’t bought [Y/N]over in such a long time that in the end, Harry just had to break it to themstraight. He saved them the details of going over to her apartment without the intention of sleeping withher but, that’s exactly what happened. Although, it wasn’t entirely difficultfor his family to assume the worst about their relationship. After all, Harryhad spent all his time in his own home right after he performed at Bingo Nightfor the elderly, three weeks ago.

They had both made it quite clear that they never wanted to see each other again,regardless of how bad it ended, and that was usually not like Harry. The real Harry would’ve dragged her by thearm back into his body to hold and tell her that they’re ‘going to work things out no matter how long it takes us and even if itdoesn’t it was well worth the try’. But no, this Harry became a cold soul from being without [Y/N]. She couldregulate out his mood, knew how to cheer him up, how to make him feel good, howto feed his soul with love and nurture.

So [Y/N] didn’t deserve any of this and Harry knewthat, especially after what he said to her. It makes him wonder whereeverything went downhill. It could’ve been coming down from the high he gotfrom his final show leading into the wrap up of the tour, it could be a numberof things and the result of this is that now, he’s hurting.

As for [Y/N], she thought she was living her best lifebefore with Harry until she started meeting new people, making new friends andgoing out to parties and clubs. This breakup taught her that there’s more funto have than being in a relationship as she started to see things in adifferent light. Like commitment for example – she discovered the world ofTinder. Some of the men she had connected with recognised her as Harry Style’s girlfriend which to themmeant that they were sleeping with a celebrity.

Aside from that, the air had cleared as fans and themedia concluded that Harry and [Y/N] had officially split. The whole worldcould’ve cried about it, but there were no tears in [Y/N]’s eyes. She wasalready at another party.

“Ican’t happen to interest you in a drink can I?”

A male walks up to [Y/N] with confidence, alreadyoffering her the vodka and sprite filled, fancy glass as she happily takes itfrom his possession.

“I’mmore than interested.” Says [Y/N] with a smirk plastered on her face.

She’s glad that she has some form of company now thatsome of her friends hadn’t arrived at the event yet. In the meantime, she wasmentally planning how she was going to get drunk at such a formal occasion. Butit was in her interest (and friends) that they were heading to the clubs assoon as the clock strikes twelve.

“Say,aren’t you Harry Styles’ girlfriend?”

And there was his name again.

“Ex-girlfriend actually, we’re nottogether anymore.” She says, trying to hide the hurt in her voice

“Ah, cansee that.”

The guy ticks his head and holds a gaze to someonebehind [Y/N], and low and behold it was Harry, walking onto the scene withanother female latched onto his arm. She couldn’t think that out of all the places in the world where he had to show up.

Her mouth ran dry, thinking that she’sgoing to need about fifty more of the vodka and sprites to be able to douse outthe image and presence of her ex, and to mention again – with someone else. However, it was nowhere near her place to feeljealous, they were over. But just seeing Harry in person was a completelydifferent subfield. So, she started to play things cool. [Y/N] spins backaround and smiles sweetly.

“What’syour name?” She asked calmly, shifting the subject.

“Mark,which makes you the lovely [Y/N].” He comments.

“Wellyou’re very lucky that I’m his ex.” [Y/N] winked at him.

A smirk plastered the males face, knowing that he’sstrapped in for a good night as neither of them left one another. Over the fewhours they spent together mixing some heavy drinks and doing a lot ofconversing, [Y/N] completely forgot about her friends and was even distractedby him from Harry. She ended up finding out a lot of things about Mark – howhe’s recently taken over his Father’s successful business as a young CEO, he’sfostering dogs, he likes going on vacation with his family in Hawaii. Overall,it sounded like just about everything that Harry enjoyed doing.

“Anyways,enough of me though, tell me about you.” Mark requests.

If it weren’t the alcohol starting to take a massiveimpact on her, she could’ve sworn that she caught a glimpse of Harry staring ather. [Y/N] had to quickly avert her eyes away from the open entrance of thehouse and focus back onto Mark, reminding herself not worry about Harry.

“Iguess I live a pretty average life, at least now I do you know after being with…Harry.”

But it wasn’t the alcohol tricking her brain or eyes.Harry was in fact looking directly ather through the window by himself, finishing off what looks like a martinibefore pointing his index finger to the roof before walking off with the glassand one hand in his pocket. [Y/N] recognised that move, taking a while for herto catch on until she finally knew what he meant.

When Harry and [Y/N] used to go to parties and eventsat houses together, Harry would always have some sort of a signal to her forthem to meet up somewhere if they were split amongst people. She knew thatwhenever he pointed to the ceiling, he wanted her to meet him upstairs as soonas possible. Most of the time it was used for initiating some sort of sexualact in someone’s room, other times it’s because the other half would lookcompletely bored out of their mind talking to people and just wants to berescued from that situation.

“Uh…whatI mean is that, I enjoy my life. If I ever get the chance to relax I spend thattime at home watching movies and just being a real home body really. Nowadays,I’m just out with my friends – I try to visit my family as much as possiblebut, we’re all over the country.” [Y/N] rambles on.

“Interesting,it’s nice that you make the effort to see your family though. Mine are mostlyoverseas but they come here quite frequently, might have to introduce you tothem one day.” Mark says as he takes a sip of his drink.

“I’dlove that.” [Y/N] replies, not sure if she’s lying or not. But her stomachcouldn’t stop jumping from the fact that Harry needed to talk to her and shealready wasted a couple of minutes with Mark now.

“I’mjust gonna pop off to the bathroom, I’ll be back soon yeah?” [Y/N] stands fromher seat, place a soft hand on Mark’s shoulder then walks off, picking up thepace when he can no longer see her from inside.

[Y/N]’s heart at this point is now in her throat,pounding away as she finds the stairs to the second floor of the house. Nowthat the volume of music had lowered, she was able to think more clearly. Thehouse was quite spacious, so it took her a while to find what she was searchingfor, and this was nothing she hadexpected.

Hoisted up against the wall of one of the hallways wasthe same woman that Harry walked in with by none other than the man himself. Herlegs wrapped around Harry’s waist as she was diving into his neck with hermouth. [Y/N]’s hand lifts directly to her mouth as an instant wash of ragedisburses through her body. She didn’t know what was worse – seeing Harryseconds away from sleeping with someone else, or the fact that he turned hishead and looked her dead straight in the eye with no expression before gettingback to making this other woman feel good.

She stormed away feeling like her body had been set onfire, jogging carefully down the stairs and straight to the bar beforecollecting herself some more drinks. But she figured that this wasn’t going tobe enough alcohol. [Y/N] needed to pass out and forget everything that she hadseen tonight.

#Harry Styles #harry styles smut #one direction #liam payne #louis tomlinson #Zayn Malik #Niall Horan #one direction smut #5sos

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catty-words · 6 years

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true happiness is so neeeeaaaar

a special thanks to @bethanyactually for reading this over and @notbang for talking some of this out with me. 💖

During my latest watch of Crazy Ex, I kept an eye out for the first time each character breaks into song without Rebecca present or directly involved. It’s well-covered ground that her arrival in West Covina sent ripples through our cast of characters. Inspired by Rebecca’s pursuit of happiness, they started asking themselves—consciously or subconsciously—what would make them happiest. So when does each of them adopt her musical lens, and how does the song they sing inform their journey toward happiness?

Greg – Not surprising considering he wears his unhappiness on his sleeve, Greg is the first one to break into song without Rebecca in episode 1.06 with “What’ll It Be?” The song isn’t really a revelation because there’ve been plenty of hints at just how dissatisfied he feels with his life. Greg hates West Covina (as evidenced by him telling Rebecca it’s not a compliment that she’s starting to fit in around town) and he hates the circumstances that he feels keep him from making any meaningful changes (at the party in the first episode he wastes no time complaining to Rebecca about missing out on Emory because of his sick dad).

Still, “What’ll It Be?” acts as Greg’s thesis statement for that unhappiness. Despite knowing exactly what it is that’s causing his unhappiness, he feels powerless to change it, instead blaming outside forces for keeping him in his current situation. “Hey, West Covina, look what you’re doing to me.”

The unfortunate part is that Greg himself is actually the largest obstacle standing between him and happiness: not his dad, not his job, and not the people of West Covina. His dad, while he seems to appreciate Greg’s presence and care, has clearly decided he’s going to pursue his vices instead of actually maintaining his health. Since he doesn’t actually need to be looked after—he’s made the conscious choice to be unwell—he gives up Greg pretty easily when the time comes in 2.02. Though Greg asserts that he’s going to be upset by his leaving, Marco’s behavior (i.e. chastising Greg for wasting his savings on him because he was supposed to use it for school) actually point to the fact that he’d be happy to see his son leave even back in 1.06.

As for his job, yes, all food service professions suck on a certain level, and Greg’s certainly not getting rich for the drudgery he has to endure. However, in 1.06, we see that Greg’s attitude is really what makes the job such a drag. Kevin, his boss, is in fact a pretty understanding and amiable guy. He takes feedback well and genuinely wants his employees to succeed. The fact that Greg feels so smothered there has as much to do with how he approaches the situation as it does the nature of the job itself.

Finally, the people of West Covina/the town itself only seem like they’re keeping Greg trapped because he actively dismisses and looks down on it all. In reality, the people he associates with most closely—White Josh, Hector, Rebecca, and again, even his father—actively encourage Greg to make changes with an eye toward pursuing business school, as well as call him out on his most destructive behaviors. It’s just that Greg can’t take their encouragement at face value because he’s dwelling on the negativity in his life and can’t seem to break that habit.

Of course, alcoholism plays its part in the unhappiness equation, and that’s no small thing. But, again, that’s something Greg has to deal with and overcome internally. It has little to do with his external circumstances, as the Greg who’s singing “What’ll It Be?” would have us believe.

It makes sense, then, that when he finally takes ownership of his hand in his own shitty situation, he’s able to break the pattern and actually pursue the career of his choosing. He removes himself from the environment that tempts him back into stasis and takes control of his life. No longer feeling powerless, Greg is at least on the path to knowing happiness.

Paula – Paula’s the next one to get caught up in the music with “His Status is Preferred” from 1.07. On the surface, this song seems like a trite expression of unhappiness, of simply wanting a more exciting life, but, as we know, the situation’s a lot more nuanced than we think.

During the course of season one, it becomes clearer and clearer that Paula’s over-involvement in Rebecca’s pursuit of Josh has more to do with her than it does Rebecca and Josh being genuinely good for each other. I believe 1.03 is the first time we see Paula and Scott interact and boy is it uncomfortable. Scott is distracted, Paula’s passive-aggressive, and the kids are a mess.

The further we move into the show, the more we understand Paula’s state of mind. She’s been raised to believe that starting a family is the most important thing she’ll ever do (“My dad was right, I’m a breeder not a leader”), but she feels very disconnected from both her kids and her husband. Part of the reason is that she thinks she missed out on her fairy tale romance, so how is anything she actually built supposed to compare to that? On some level, Paula’s always living in a fantasy realm where everything worked out with Jeff and she’s truly happy.

It should be pointed out, though, that while Jeff gives Paula’s yearning for something different a face, the problem itself is not specifically that man. Any fantasy would do in keeping Paula from fully accepting how her real-life relationship played out. In point of fact, Calvin fills that role here in 1.07. He’s just another expression of Paula chasing a fantasy to avoid dealing with her reality.

As such, Paula’s just as much a product of the damaging “patriarchal love narrative” as Rebecca. The notion that real and true love is all about the spark, that it’s a force of nature you can’t possibly fly in the face of, that it’s something easy and all-consuming keeps her from doing the hard work necessary to maintain a relationship with her husband and family. And, because she feels the spark with Calvin, she gets caught up in the fanciful notion that being with him will make her feel happy, important, and valued — “My whole life has been stuck in economy, I have waited and waited to someday be upgraded, to spread my wings and fly…”

Of course, we have Rebecca swoop in and point out that Paula’s pursuit of Calvin isn’t an authentic or healthy remedy to her true unhappiness before anything regretful happens. Because it’s Rebecca imposing her own revelation on Paula though, this is far from the last time the issue comes up. At this point, Paula hasn’t learned the lesson herself, and she needs to fumble a little more before she does.

We still haven’t seen the final resolution to this conflict, and I don’t think there will be one scene or moment that wraps it up with a nice bow. Deep-seated issues like Paula’s unhealthy relationship to what it means to be a mother and a wife don’t simply go away. 3.07 showed us that she’s mindful of what her patterns are, but we have yet to see evidence that the work is being done to avoid falling back into them. She’s finally let go of the fantasy, but that doesn’t mean she’s ready to feel content with reality.

Valencia – In 1.09, Valencia is the next character to break out into song by herself with “Women Gotta Stick Together.” When I first sat down to write this meta, the fact that Valencia was the third most affected by Rebecca’s pursuit of happiness seemed surprising. They have such a complicated, antagonistic relationship at this point, it’s kind of jarring to imagine Rebecca having a hand in connecting Valencia with her happiness.

Upon further reflection though, it makes perfect sense. Valencia has constructed a life that makes her so deeply unhappy, of course Rebecca swooping in and going after the foundation on which Valencia’s built her on-paper fantastic life would bring all her dissatisfaction to the surface. “Women Gotta Stick Together,” then, is Valencia’s acknowledgement of everything that keeps her feeling trapped, just buried under a few layers of satire and subtext.

You see, Valencia is a classic case of how female socialization teaches us to view all other women as threats because we’re competing for male attention, and this perceived competition has kept her from truly connecting with other women. However, as we know from her interactions with Rebecca in 1.02 and her eager initiation into the #GurlGroup4Evah, Valencia actually craves female friendship above all else. She regrets losing her high school friends because she was given male attention instead of them (read: sexually assaulted, yikes). She is willingly wooed by the potential relationship with Rebecca even though she was clearly skeptical about ulterior motives. And she throws herself into the group activities—embracing everything from going to the bathroom in pairs to awkward sex toy parties with vigor.

So, even though she’s using satire to mask it, Valencia definitely desires the picturesque, supportive relationships she describes in the beginning of the song: “Females helping females for the greater good. Sisters helping sisters, that’s called sisterhood.” Unfortunately, at this point, she’s also unable to get past her compulsion to attack and belittle every other woman with the end goal of proving she’s the most desireable.

It should also be noted that Valencia’s wholehearted acceptance of the competition narrative is born of her need to ignore her attraction to other women. Though I personally think Valencia’s coming out arc was a travesty because it was handled so poorly, it still confirms in canon that her relationship with Josh was a big, honking example of a woman struggling with compulsory heterosexuality. For evidence, look to V’s 2.05 speech about how she knew the relationship was dead a long time ago—she felt it necessary to keep pushing this relationship forward without love and affection from Josh because a) love and affection was not actually what she wanted from any man and b) she feared having to adapt to the change and examine her life if her and Josh broke up, forcing her closer to the truth that she’s a lesbian—and the scene between Valencia, Josh, and Beth in beginning of 3.12 where it’s revealed that Valencia had a problem with Josh touching her but has no such reservations when it comes to Beth.

That being said, her constant putting down of other women and their appearances functions as a way for Valencia to distance herself from her attraction. It’s easier to remain locked in competition and criticize other women’s bodies than it is to accept her attraction. (Valencia’s clear overcompensation is the reason it’s totally OOC for her coming-out process to be easy and easily glossed over.) But, of course, without acknowledging her true self, Valencia can never be truly happy with her relationships.

Finally, “Women Gotta Stick Together” hints at the unhappiness Valencia feels trying to live under the pressure to look physically appealing to men. There are clear mentions throughout the series of Valencia’s disordered eating (in 1.06 with the “I’ve been starving since 1998” line and plenty of dialogue in 2.05 and 2.07, to name just a few examples). Not only is she overcompensating for her attraction to women by dissecting their appearance, she’s overcompensating for her clear discomfort with her own body by building herself up in relation to how much skinnier she is than her “competition.” Not only is she starving her physical body of sustenance, she’s starving herself of the chance to be content.

Darryl - In 1.10—consequently, right after he spends time with Rebecca socially for the first time by crashing her bus trip to the beach—Darryl gets his solo number. “Having a Few People Over” is far from the deepest song the show’s ever done, but it is still a very clear statement of Darryl’s unhappiness.

The man is obviously lonely, and he tries way too hard to manufacture interpersonal relationships he feels will assuage his loneliness. He’s constantly pushing a friendship with Paula despite her implicit and explicit desire not to have one. He inserts himself into Rebecca and Paula’s private conversations because he wants so desperately to be involved. In 1.10, he hires a bunch of escorts so the guys won’t be bored enough to bail on the evening. He even goes so far as to bully Maya because he sees the same unflattering desperation in her.

And the fact that he tries so hard, that he uses flashy bells and whistles to attract people to him, shows a deep dissatisfaction with who he is at his core. Darryl doesn’t think that his personality, alone, is enough to earn the bond and acceptance of friendship. He feels he has to dress up his company in something fancy—like, say, an EDM song—to be good enough.

Because this is such a consistent character trait of his, I was disappointed with the framing of his season three storyline. At this point in his life, Darryl has forged more meaningful bonds than he had before with White Josh and the people at Whitefeather. I wish the writers had taken the opportunity to let Darryl explore why he still felt so unhappy with his interpersonal relationships, gone more of a “if I still feel lonely with WhiJo around, if i feel like I need to manufacture a more serious relationship with a baby, what would it actually take for me to find happiness?” route.

Heather - Heather is just about the last person to break into song without Rebecca present with “Don’t Settle for Me” in 1.13. As possibly the most self-examined character on the show, her expression of unhappiness has nothing to do with internal conflict. Instead, she expresses dissatisfaction with her situation. Heather knows her worth, and won’t allow Greg to keep them both in a relationship if he’s not being honest about his intentions.

Interestingly enough, though Heather has an identity crisis in season three because she likes being a student, the arc of her conflict centers on her not knowing what the world has to offer her besides the opportunity to learn. While the character feels unmoored from her identity, she still approaches the situation with a kind of self-assuredness everyone else lacks. Her unhappiness in season three, again, has more to do with external circumstances than deep-seated emotional trauma or hangups.

And it’s fitting, then, that the resolution to this specific storyline is that Heather creates her own place in the world. She sees an opportunity and takes the chance to become gainfully employed at a job that still allows for creative expression through the various hobbies and special interests she wants to pursue.

Josh - Pretty much for the opposite reason as Heather, Josh is the last main cast member to get his own musical number with 1.17’s “Angry Mad.” The reason he’s so late to join everyone else in their examination of unhappiness is because Josh is typically pretty satisfied. He’s not looking for any deeper meaning or purpose. All his conflict in season one is surface stuff, like feeling too adult to celebrate Christmas.

And even when he does start to feel unhappy about something—i.e. losing Rebecca’s affirming attention and affection when her focus shifts to Greg—he doesn’t have the self-awareness to really explore what’s at the root of that emotion. He’d rather not acknowledge or face the problem head-on. As a result, “Angry Mad” expresses that Josh is unhappy because he’s unhappy instead of taking a closer look at why seeing Rebecca with Greg makes Josh uncomfortable.

This inability to take stock of his life definitely bites Josh in the ass more than once. It’s what gets him in over his head with Rebecca in season two. It’s what leads him to leave Rebecca on their wedding day instead of calling off the wedding (or perhaps never proposing in the first place). It’s what stops Josh from taking action to halt his downward spiral in season three because the poor oaf doesn’t even realize he’s spiraling until it’s too late.

That being said, season three did a major disservice to what little interiority the character had. I hope season four regains some focus when it comes to Josh, and he’s at least set on the path toward understanding himself and his needs better.

Nathaniel - Finally, we have our late-comer Nathaniel. It takes him eight episodes to get a solo without Rebecca being there with the 3.03 number “I Go to The Zoo.” This puts him right between Paula and Valencia in terms of how long it took Rebecca to influence his worldview enough to get him breaking into song.

Not surprising considering he’s one of the most emotionally stunted characters, his big number is essentially about retreating into childhood comforts when he’s feeling upset. The thing is, while Nathaniel’s trying to find solace in the simplicity, his upbringing is also the source of his unhappiness. His withholding parents never gave him the tools he needed to process his feelings and deal with them healthily. The effects of this have reached well into his adult life as he seems incapable of forming lasting, meaningful bonds with any person—from his disinterest and mistrust of long-term relationships in season two to his series of dick moves with Mona in season three.*

Even his interactions with Rebecca, the person who he confesses makes him want to be better at feeling his feels, lack authenticity eighty percent of the time. His confession of love in 3.04 is an inarticulate mess that devolves into a tangle of misused cliches. He’s clearly working off the Patriarchal Love Narrative, trying to be the definite-article Love Interest, instead of allowing himself to have a genuine moment with Rebecca. In the season finale, their duet is, at least on one level*, a big long joke about how little progress Nathaniel has actually made in accessing his emotions and feeling more empathetic.

Though he’s made progress toward being more open—look to the final scene of 3.06 or even his confessions during the masquerade—he still can’t seem to consider how his actions or emotional needs might affect others. Once, he might have considered this machiavellian approach to interpersonal relationships a strength. Now that he’s found some people he really wants to form lasting emotional bonds with, though, it’s the weakness that’s standing between him and happiness.

*I’d like to clarify that I’m not trying to make the argument that Nathaniel’s upbringing in any way justifies his behavior, especially when it comes to the affair, but it does give us at least a better understanding of his motivations, a clearer lens through which to view the character. And I think that’s another important element of Nothing is Ever Anyone’s Fault. While taking empathy for people’s trauma to the extreme makes it almost valueless and a mockery of itself, the ability to understand why people behave the way that they do is fundamental to liking any of the characters on this show. The line that you have to walk, then, becomes messy and complicated, but it makes for a truly fascinating look at human nature.

#crazy ex girlfriend #crazy ex meta #greg serrano #paula proctor #valencia perez #darryl whitefeather #heather davis #way too badass to be someone you settle for #josh chan #nathaniel plimpton #yes i gave my meta a cutesy title #what of it?#also #now i can stop talking about how i should finish my crazy ex happiness meta #because BAM #i finally actually did it

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writing-vld · 6 years

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Lance Fluff Drabble #3

Anon: ''There is no one like you, so you don't have to try and be someone else'' with Lance. Basically his girlfriend feels like Allura would've been a better choice for Lance? Something like that? Sorry if it's a lil' confusing!!!

Written by: Ren

A/n: Ahhhh I had fun writing this one!!! I wanted to make it angsty so bad, but it wasn’t from the angst list

You felt blue. It was ironic, seeing as how your boyfriend is the Blue Paladin, but that had nothing to do with it.

You thought that Lance and Allura looked... better together. Better than when he stood at your side. She was a beautiful Altean, and a princess. You were just that one kid who always sat in the back at the Garrison, too quiet to be heard and seen.

You were the girl who didn’t spend time to put on makeup and doing some special hairstyle; you traded that time for more sleep. Jewelry? Never heard of it. Flirting? Studies and academics were more important than trying to get a guy to take a second look at you.

But Allura? She was everything you weren’t. The hair, the eyes, the clothes, the clear skin, perfect posture, and overwhelming confidence you didn’t think was possible. Before Lance fell for you, he flirted with Allura every chance he got.

Does he still want to?

That thought constantly worried you, but you wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t want to stay with you. With every look at Allura, you compared her appearance to your own. Your reflection didn’t please in the slightest every time you gave a mirror a glance.

So there you were, ten minutes away from having to go to a Coalition event. Usually, you went in relatively nice clothes... Not a long graceful dress like this. The deep blue color was a different look for you. The high slit on the side showed off your legs, which were almost always covered. The front of the dress went lower than anything you ever wore before. It took you five minutes alone to put on winged eyeliner Shiro was your example without messing up.

You were already considering looking more formal than usual for this event, but you knew you had to when Allura stated that the traditional outfits for the natives were very... revealing, to say the least. It would be rude for a female (by their standards) to come to a celebration showing very little skin. You didn’t like that they had a custom such as that, but it was better than some of the previous traditions.

The shoes/heels the natives made and wore were surprisingly comfortable. Very similar to Earth, but not painful or hard to walk in at all. You put them on with ease as you quickly finished doing your hair. You didn’t believe people actually take that much time to do hair and makeup and such; it took so long, and the fact that some people do it on a regular basis boggled your mind.

You checked a second time, and you decided you were set. You made sure you weren’t going to trip on your dress, you practiced walking in the shoes since you first got them, and you took every other precaution you could think of. You grabbed a stylish jacket (it wasn’t the best jacket, but the best one in your possession) before you finally left your room.

Allura’s loud, excited squeal caught you off guard. She and Coran were the only ones left in the Castle of Lions, not that you were complaining. The rest of the team had to get there early, for obvious reasons. You definitely weren’t prepared for everyone to see you at once, but Allura still caught you way off guard.

“You look amazing, (Y/n)!” Allura gushed and she ran around you in a circle to get a three sixty look. Her excitement was that of a three year old human hyped up on Monster and sugary candy. “You did this all on your own!? I barely recognize you!”

Her praise was comforting and surprisingly boosted your confidence a bit, but you still felt like nothing compared to her appearance. “I did. It was pretty hard to get my hands on some of the other makeup, but the other stuff you let me borrow worked great.”

“That’s lovely!” Allura exclaimed, clapping her hands. Her eyes were lit like a Christmas tree. Come along; we mustn't be late!” You yelped as she grabbed your wrist and all but dragged you to the exit.

Allura whispered and encouraged you to take off your jacket once you were at the scene. Showing this much skin made you more nervous than you thought, but it was part of their culture. You didn’t have to like it, but you had to respect it.

Right as you slipped the jacket off you shoulders, you saw Lance mingling through the crowd. Despite being, well, Lance, all he did with the females was throw a charming smile and move on. Loyalty was his middle name and it was very touching.

You took only one step in his direction before walking straight into a rock-solid chest. You looked up and there stood the event’s host; Prince Vruar of Skudoria. “What is a lovely woman like you doing here alone?”

The whole ‘lovely woman’ thing threw you off but you didn’t miss a beat. “Oh, just looking for my boyfriend,” You knew exactly what the Prince was going to ssay next, something like ‘I know he won’t mind if I steal a dance’, but you shot him down before he could release a word. “He’s the Blue Paladin of Voltron, actually. And I think he’s over there; it was nice talking to you!”

At the mention of who Lance was, Vruar backed off immediately. Although he was royalty, he didn’t want to take any chances in upsetting a Paladin of Voltron. That would be a big mistake for anyone. Vruar took a step back to let you pass and you could sense a tad of fear in him. It was amusing.

You were glad things didn’t go down the stereotypical route. A guy wanting to dance with you, you saying no but he insists, boyfriend comes along and tries to fight him, and so on.

Thank God my life didn’t turn into an overused trope.

You tapped on Lance’s shoulder and he turned around, holding a hopefully non-alcoholic drink in his hand. You wanted to laugh when he made a confused face; he didn’t recognize you!

Not at first, anyway. “Hello there, m’lady! I’m the Blue Paladin of Voltron, but you can call me- No way!”

There it is.

Lance nearly dropped his drink when he recognized you. The clothes and makeup threw him off, but there was no mistaking your (e/c) eyes and beautiful form. “(Y/n)!?” He blushed and you felt satisfied, especially when his eyes took a moment to roam all of your exposed skin.

“Yes, this is she.” You giggled. “Do you like it?” You hoped he did. You would be crushed if he didn’t.

“Like it!? I love it! You’re gorgeous!” Lance exclaimed. He then fumbled upon thinking he made a mistake. “I mean, y-you’re gorgeous every day! This is just new! New is lovely!”

You nearly snorted at Lance’s attempt to fix it, but it wasn’t broken in the first place. “Lance, it’s okay! I get what you mean, babe, you didn’t say anything wrong.” It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence.

Lance visibly relaxed and he grabbed your hand. He leaned down and gently kissed the back of it, maintaining eye contact the entire time. “It is a privilege to be in the presence of such an enchanting woman.” In a heartbeat, Lance switched from panic to suave and flirtatious. “May I have this dance?”

“I’d be honored to dance with one of the universe’s heroes.” You said in the most elegant voice possible, but you ended in a laugh. The voice just didn’t suit you. Lance swept you off into a waltz with a snicker and a heart-stopping grin.

You were in utter shock when Shiro announced it. “What do you mean I offended their Queen?! Are you kidding me!?”

“Your dress was the same colors as hers and it turns out that Skudorian royals find it offensive. It’s like wearing white to someone else’s wedding.” Pidge cut in.

You were beyond annoyed. Of course this had to happen when you finally try to look fancy for a formal occasion. “This is so stupid, I shouldn’t have put on this dress in the first place...”

“Either way, this is going to be difficult to fix,” Allura sighed. “Despite what the King and Prince are telling her, she is still upset, and that is putting a strain on the alliance.” The tension in the room was tangible. “This may not end well.”

You didn’t need to hear anyone say it. This was your fault. You felt some of the frustration being directed towards you and you didn’t blame them. You turned around and took off your shoes as you headed to your room. You ignored the few calls of your name as the door slid shut.

You tossed your shoes to the other side of your room as you sat on your bed. Guilt was heavy on your shoulders; all you wanted to do was look pretty, like Allura. You wanted to look good next to Lance, like Allura did.

“Maybe she’s better for Lance...” You muttered quietly.

“Who’s better for me?” Lance’s concerned voice made you jump.

When did he get here?

You shifted nervously as Lance closed the door and sat on the floor in front of you. Why he chose the hard floor instead of the comfy mattress, you didn’t know, but you didn’t question him. It wasn’t the right time for it.

He leaned his head forward and he caught your gaze. “Hmm?” Lance still wanted an answer.

“Allura...” You said it so quietly, Lance couldn’t hear you. He cocked his head and raised an eyebrow, and you sighed. “I think Allura would be better for you. I’m always wearing these normal clothes with normal hair, no makeup, no jewelry, nothing like that. I’m nothing compared to her. When I see her standing next to you, I-”

“Okay, hold it.” Lance got you to stop talking. “Is that why you got all dressed up for the party? So you could look like her?”

You nodded lightly and you were no longer able to look him in the eye. You started to tear up.

Lance shook his head so hard, your thought it was going to fly off his body. “I don’t think so! I’m not with you just for your looks -you are stunning, by the way- or anything like that. I love you for who you are as a person. Babe, there is no one like you, so you don't have to try and be someone else.”

It took Lance a little bit to convince you, but by the time he did, you were laying on your bed with your back against his chest and his arm wrapped around your midsection. Lance’s breath drifted across your neck and it almost tickled, but you were more focused on how uncomfortable the dress was getting. You still hadn’t taken it off.

You opened you mouth to say something, but Lance’s tired voice cut you off. “You’ve had this on for a while,” He yawned. “I might not be one to wear dresses, but I can imagine that it’s getting less than comfortable at this point.”

“Are you trying something, Lance McClain?” You raised an eyebrow as you stared at him.

“Yeah, trying to make sure you feel happy and comfy, (Y/n) (L/n).” Lance shot back and he gingerly got off your bed. “Here, I’ll find you some pyjamas.”

Your heart melted and you watched Lance riffle through your drawers, muttering to himself as he examined each piece of clothing. The lengths he went to make you happy were remarkable. How many boyfriends would search through your drawers, critiquing all of your clothes to find the most suitable sleepwear?

Only one, and that was Lance Mcclain.

The ending is so bad and rushed, I apologize, I just took my adderal.

EDIT: I revised the ending and can someone please tell me if it’s Mcclain or McClain, I have no idea and it is taking over my mind, I must know.

#I'm sorry #lance #lance mcclain #lance x reader #lance mcclain x reader #lance fluff #lance mcclain drabble #lance mcclain fluff #voltron #voltron legendary defender #voltron x reader #voltron drabble #voltron fluff

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calledgeorge-blog · 6 years

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#Pending headcanon tag

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charmedtheselfproclaimedking · 4 years

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Charmed Again (Charmed Fanfic)

Episode 3 - Dancing with Demons: Part One

Warnings: I don’t own the rights to any of the characters from the hit TV show “Charmed” or the storylines related to the show those rights belong to original creator Constance M Burge.

15+ Moderate/Graphic Displays of Violence, Sexual Innuendos, Witchcraft and Potentially Triggering Scenes.

Paul found himself frantically walking up and down the foyer of the Halliwell Manor late at night which had become a part of his routine for the last two weeks while Pan sat on the stairs completely exhausted with her head buried in a mug of coffee looking anything but pleased for being kept up especially for the fourteenth night in a row.

“Paul, we seriously need to stop doing this every night.” Pan moaned as she took a huge sip from her coffee mug. “I miss sleep so much.”

“I can’t help it Penny I’m just not going to be able to sleep knowing he’s out there living alone.” Paul replied. “I wish he would stop being so bloody stubborn and just move in with us already.”

“So, you’re basically telling me I’m doomed and will never sleep again.” Pan responded.

“You don’t need to stay with me every night.” Paul told her as he stopped walking and stood in front of his sister.

“If I don’t stay up with you then there’s nobody to calm you down and stop you from trying to kidnap the poor kid.” Pan admitted rather bluntly.

“I know I’ve been acting like a paranoid mess recently,” Paul replied as he sat down on the stairs next to his sister. “It’s just this news about a new evil rising has really thrown me and I hate the fact he’s out there alone.”

“Quinn is there ever night making so he’s safe I know it’d be easier for us all if Drake moved in, but we need to respect his boundaries, or we could lose him for good this time.” Pan warned her brother.

“You guys should really think about trying to get some sleep.” Quinn told them both as he orbed into the foyer.

“What took you so long to check in with us?” Paul asked his white lighter.

“If I’m being honest, I found it strange spying on him, so I just orbed into his apartment and was like hey either I spy on you or you let me make myself comfy and chill with you. Anyway, long story short we wound up having a movie marathon, I fell asleep on the couch and now he’s off to make an early start on some case files at work.” Quinn explained to Paul and Pan.

“That’s it we’re going to have to convince him to move in it’s the only solution to all this madness.” Paul declared causing both Pan and Quinn to roll their eyes at him before Pan finished the rest of her coffee and stood up causing Paul to ask her. “Where are you going?”

“To fill up my mug with more coffee or maybe alcohol depending on which irrational thought next crosses your mind.” Pan replied before beginning to walk towards the kitchen.

“Do you think I’m being irrational?” Paul asked Quinn.

“Well there has only been a total of two demonic attacks over two weeks both of which were the first night you met him.” Quinn said, politely trying to hint that Pan was right.

“That’s two attacks too many the Underworld is clearly plotting something and he’s all alone out there.” Paul replied as he stood back up. “That’s it I’m going to convince him to move in whether he likes it or not.”

“I’m telling you I have never seen someone so scared of horror movies before.” Drake laughed with Lacey as the two of them walked into the San Francisco Police Department building. “It’s highly ironic considering his line of work.”

“Quinn’s a bartender I fail to see any irony.” Lacey replied as the two of them continued to walk down a hallway.

“Drunk people can be scary especially when it comes to last call.” Drake bluffed, clearly meaning Quinn’s job as a white lighter and not a bartender.

“So, what inspired this little movie night anyway?” Lacey asked her friend. “Please tell me this is you finally getting back into the dating game because lord knows it’s been a long dry spell.”

“I can be friends with other people without wanting to get them into bed.” Drake scoffed before changing the subject. “How are things with you and Pan anyway?”

“Well since you found out she’s your long-lost sister things have taken a rather weird turn.” Lacey admitted as the two of them began walking up a set of stairs.

“Hey, I went out with your brother which granted isn’t the best example, but we got through that and we’ll get through you and Pan.” Drake replied as the two detectives continued to walk up the stairs. “I like Pan well as much as one person can like a sister, they only learned existed a couple of weeks ago and I think you should just ignore recent reveals and follow your feelings.”

“I’ll give things a shot with Pan when you finally get yourself a love life.” Lacey told him as they reached the top of the stairs and began walking down another hallway.

“Quinn and I are just friends,” Drake claimed before crashing into a tall brown-haired male stranger, neither of them looking where they were going.

“I’m so sorry,” The stranger apologised. “I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“That’s okay I was too busy talking myself to pay attention.” Drake replied with a flirtatious smile clearly liking the look of this handsome stranger.

“Maybe I could take you for a drink sometime to apologize properly.” The stranger suggested to Drake while Lacey stood there looking unimpressed with the two of them.

“Do you often ask people out in a police station?” Drake asked clearly flirting back with the stranger.

“No, I don’t but then again I don’t see people that look as good as you every day.” The stranger continued to flirt making Drake let out a nervous laugh while Lacey rolled her eyes over the cheesiness of the pick-up line.

“Well I’m always down for a drink or too.” Drake replied before pulling out his card and handing it to Dante. “Here’s my number.”

“Great,” The stranger replied as he took the card and quickly read it before going on to say. “My name’s Ash Anderson I look forward to calling you Drake Black.”

“I look forward to answering that call Ash Anderson.” Drake admitted before Ash began to walk away as he looked at Lacey finally noticing her disapproval.

“I don’t think Quinn will be too impressed you’re about to go on a date with someone that’s not him.” Lacey said clearly disapproving of Ash Anderson.

“For the last time Quinn and I are just friends.” Drake said with a sigh.

Paul was busy working away on his computer sitting at his desk within his office at Stevens and Summers Law firm when Drake suddenly blinked into the room luckily Paul had been keeping his office door shut recently following Quinn’s constant orbing into his office.

“Not that it’s not good to see you Drake but you should probably make sure you didn’t blink in here when I had client.” Paul told him. “A text would suffice.”

“I’ll start sending texts before dropping in when you start sending texts before getting Quinn to stalk me.” Drake replied bluntly.

“I had a feeling you’d bring that up at some point,” Paul said as he stood up from his chair. “It’s Quinn’s job to keep an eye on all his charges he’s merely just doing his job with a little nudge from me.”

“I get there’s some evil rising within the Underworld and I also get how that makes all three of us targets for all things demonic but I know how to handle myself I deal with danger everyday being a cop and you wouldn’t believe how handy being able to handle myself was with folk got handsy during my stripper days.” Drake revealed to him.

“Hold up you used to be a stripper?” Paul asked in shock by his secret son’s revelation.

“My point is I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time and I don’t need white lighters stalking me.” Drake explained. “If I do wind up needing Quinn, he’s only ever one shout away.”

“Human dangers are nothing compared to demons and you’re still new to all of this I just don’t believe you’re ever going to be truly safe until you agree to move in with us.” Paul replied, once again pushing for Drake to move into the Halliwell Manor.

“Look I get that my life is more dangerous these days now that I’m a charmed one but I refuse to live in fear or to move in with two people I didn’t even know two weeks ago to appease your concerns.” Drake made himself clear. “I’ve agreed to the witch duties but if you keep forcing my hand on the family front, I’ll need to start reconsidering everything.”

“What does that mean?” Paul asked, fearing Drake’s response.

“It means I had a family a family that didn’t ditch me a family that loved me no matter what and I’m not being strong handed into being a part of another family that I quite frankly don’t want to be a part of.” Drake harshly admitted.

Pan was busy taking stock of the club’s supplies writing into a large black book behind the counter of P3 when her phone which was placed on the counter next to her began to ring making her placed the book on the counter as she looked over at her phone to see it was Lacey calling.

“Hi,” Pan said after answering the phone eagerly. “I didn’t expect to be hearing from you but I’m glad I am.”

“I’m not going to lie finding out you were my best friend’s long-lost sister threw me.” Lacey replied from the other end of the phone.

“Yeah it was a huge shock for us all a shock we’re all still trying to come to terms with.” Pan admitted.

“I can only imagine how much all this has your all spiraling I know Drake’s definitely struggling to adjust to it all.” Lacey revealed before going on to say. “I actually called because I was wondering if you fancied going out tonight? I totally get if things are too weird now.”

“I’d love to go out with you.” Pan responded while smiling from ear to ear before noticing Quinn orbing into the club. “I’ve got to go now that’s the bar staff just walked in but text me the details and I’ll see you tonight.”

“Was that Lacey?” Quinn asked with excitement after Pan hung up the phone and placed it back on to the bar counter. “I’m so glad you’re giving things a shot with her she’s a lovely woman and I just love a good love story.”

“Yeah well don’t be marrying me off anytime soon it’s only a date and probably the last date if I run off again.” Pan admitted to her white lighter.

“I’ve just had word from the elders that a new source of all evil has been crowned in the Underworld.” Quinn revealed much to Pan’s shock.

“So, that was clearly the new evil which was rising.” Pan replied with a worried look on her face. “Drake’s only just coming into his powers and we’ve only just became the charmed ones we are far from ready to take on the source of all evil.”

“Well this new source hasn’t seemed to make any attacks yet and we’re still trying to work out who the new source is but it would be safe to assume whoever it is will be making you, Paul and Drake their number one targets.” Quinn admitted.

“Okay, so what are we supposed to do?” Pan asked, eager for some advice from her friend.

“Well we need to crack down on Drake’s training he’s come pretty far already in a short space of time but we need him to get even further and as for Paul’s suggestion about Drake moving in well I’m beginning to think that’s a really good idea.” Quinn explained to her charge.

“So, Paul’s paranoia really has been justified all this time makes sense his intuition would be on point when he’s the Halliwell with premonitions.” Pan responded. “Drake’s not going to move in with us he maybe coming around to the idea of being a charmed one but the family part’s going to take more time than what we have.”

“Drake’s had a rough life and that makes things complicated when it comes to family matters so it’s only normal he’d take some time to accept you and Paul and it sure doesn’t help that Drake doesn’t know the full truth.” Quinn said honestly.

“Yeah I was really hoping Paul would’ve told him the truth I hate having to lie to him.” Pan revealed.

“I’ll give it another shot trying to persuade him to move in but he’s very stubborn so it could get tricky.” Quinn told her.

“He gets his stubbornness from his father.” Pan scoffed.

“So, you actually bit the bullet and finally asked Pan out for another date.” Drake said to Lacey with a smile on his face as the two of them sat in their cop car with Drake in the driving seat and Lacey in the passenger as they were on their break drinking coffees.

“As long as she doesn’t blow me off again or find anymore skeletons in her closet this may be a successful date.” Lacey replied as she took a drink from her coffee.

“Everybody has skeletons in their closets Lacey I mean you’ve not exactly dropped the fact that your brother is in prison and that’s because it’s your business.” Drake explained to his best friend. “You’re not supposed to know everything about a person after a few dates don’t put so much stress into it and I’m sure you will both be fine.”

Drake and Lacey’s conversation was interrupted when his phone sent him notification of a text and so he pulled out his phone from his jacket to read a text which said “Dinner tonight? It’s Ash by the way.”

“Well that Ash guy is certainly keen.” Drake stated with a nervous laugh.

“Is that a good or a bad thing?” Lacey asked her best-friend.

“Yeah I suppose it is.” Drake replied unconvincingly.

“It’s probably case of the right interest from the wrong guy,” Lacey said as she noticed from out of her car window that Quinn was standing in the street in front of them and nudged Drake to have a look. “Maybe the right guy is right in front of you.”

“Hey how’s your day going?” Quinn asked Drake as Drake walked over to him on the streets of San Francisco as Lacey remained in her car eagerly watching the two of them.

“I’ve just had it out with Paul about spying on me can’t anyone respect my boundaries?” Drake moaned.

“This isn’t a case of boundaries of privacy it’s a case of safety things are getting even more dangerous and I’m afraid as your white lighter I’m going to insist that you move into the Halliwell Manor.” Quinn replied. “Please?”

“Nobody seems to give a damn about what I want you all just want me to follow your rules but to hell with hell, to hell with you and to hell with the lot of you.” Drake snapped having had way too much for one day of being a charmed one.

“We’re not trying to be bossy or force you into following our rules we’re just trying to keep you safe.” Quinn pleaded with him.

“I’ve spent a long time keeping myself safe and I’d say I’ve done a good job of it.” Drake responded. “I don’t need you or Paul patronizing me all the time I’m a grown man and I follow nobody’s rules but my own.”

“I understand that but...” Quinn began to say.

“I’m done!” Drake butted in before storming off towards the car in which Lacey was sitting in much to Quinn’s dismay.

“Already hitting the drink I’m guessing today’s been a hard one.” Pan said to her brother Paul as she walked into the dining area of the Halliwell Manor to see Paul sat at the table drinking a glass of whisky.

“Drake came by my office today and made it pretty damn clear he’s not my biggest fan right now.” Paul revealed as he took another drink from his glass. “Maybe I should start laying off him about moving in.”

“Actually, I agree with your previous stance we definitely need to convince Drake to move in with us.” Pan replied as Paul finished his drink.

“Why are you suddenly on my side?” Paul asked as he placed his glass on the table. “This can’t be good.”

“Quinn told me there’s a new source of all evil so I’m on side with making Drake move in with us because frankly the though of a new source terrifies me.” Pan admitted to her older brother.

“I knew the Underworld was up to something I just wasn’t sure what.” Paul said while in shock by Pan’s admission. “Do the elders have any idea who the new source is?”

“They have no idea as of yet but let’s face it we’ll all find out soon enough.” Pan responded as she turned around and started walking towards the stairs.

“Are you heading to the book of shadows?” Paul asked as he stood up and began walking with Pan into the foyer.

“No, I’m going to get ready for a date tonight.” Pan revealed as the two of them stopped at the bottom of the stairs within the foyer.

“We should probably focus on convincing Drake to move in first.” Paul told his younger sister.

“Yeah I figure you and Quinn could handle that tonight and if it doesn’t go to plan, I’ll give it a shot tomorrow when I’ve got time.” Pan replied.

“Oh, I’m sorry that protecting my son from the source of all freaking evil isn’t as important as your love life.” Paul snapped.

“Let me make myself clear dear brother I’m not going to be made to feel guilty over trying to fit some happiness into this exhausting life we live.” Pan snapped back. “Sure, I know this date isn’t the best timing, but something is always going down and there’ll never be any good timing.”

“I’m sorry,” Paul apologized, realizing he was in the wrong for snapping at his sister. “What I said wasn’t fair I know you need to have outside of all of this.”

“You’re right it wasn’t fair,” Pan replied with an exhausted sigh before going on to say. “It’s also not fair that we’re still lying to Drake everyday that we see him and yet we’re all trying to force his hand into trusting us. You should’ve have lied to him.”

“I was stupid and careless and so beyond terrified that he’d wind up hating me like he does anyways.” Paul admitted.

“He doesn’t hate you he’s just trying to adjust to all this I mean we still have troubling with this life, and we’ve known about it a lot longer than he has.” Pan said as she placed her hand on her brother’s shoulder, trying to reassure him. “Look if you and Quinn can’t manage to convince him get Quinn to come and get me but only if things don’t go to plan.”

“Thanks Pan, I love you.” Paul replied.

“I love you too but you’re a never-ending pain in my ass.” Pan admitted.

Paul walked into the kitchen of the Halliwell family home holding his empty glass preparing to refill it with some whisky when suddenly he was hit by a premonition, the shock of the premonition causing him to drop his glass, the glass smashing into pieces upon hitting the ground.

Paul sees Drake and Ash walk into an alleyway together in his premonition before Drake is left looking horrified when Ash’s eyes went completely black ending Paul’s premonition just in time for Quinn to orb into the kitchen.

“You have premonition face, what did you see?” His white lighter asked him.

“I saw a demon attacking Drake,” Paul said with a sense of dread on his face. “I need you to orb over there right now while I get to work on making some potions.”

“Shouldn’t I get Pan also? I mean she does have the most explosive powers so to speak.” Quinn suggested to the eldest Halliwell witch.

“It didn’t look like a particularly powerful demon we’ll only involve her if we wind up needing her.” Paul told Quinn.

“I guess you got a lecture about her having a social life again.” Quinn laughed.

“Yeah,” Paul admitted. “Now please go and check up on Drake.”

“Remind me again why we’ve met up before going on our dates?” Lacey asked Drake while the two stood in Drake’s kitchen, each of them holding a glass of white wine.

“Because we both get extremely nervous and have to have booze before attempting to come across charming.” Drake admitted to his best-friend.

“Now I understand,” Lacey laughed before taking a drink of her wine. “So, what’s the deal with your long-lost family? I mean you clearly like Pan or else you wouldn’t be pushing me to go out with her unless you’re just desperate to get rid of.”

“Their hard work to be honest it’s just too much for me I mean I like Pan and I don’t hate Paul but they’re just too much.” Drake revealed. “I haven’t got close to anyone new since my parents died and I don’t want to dishonor their memory by accepting this new family into my life.”

“Your parents would never want you to reject a chance of having family again and you wouldn’t be replacing them by getting to know where you came from.” Lacey replied to her best-friend. “If anything, they’d be relieved that there’s people out there trying so hard to be part of your life.”

“They have a really strong sibling bond together I’m just this half brother their mother threw away I’m nothing like either of them. I don’t want to push myself to let them in just to get hurt again.” Drake said honestly as tears began falling down his cheeks before he started to dry his own eyes.

“Okay let’s cut this pity party right now I know you went through some horrible stuff because I was there by your side for every single storm that came your way and despite it all your still an amazing person who they’d both be lucky to get to know.” Lacey told Drake as she finished her glass of wine. “You don’t know if you’re anything like Paul or Pan until you actually get to know them.”

“They’re trying to push me into moving in with them.” Drake revealed as he finished off his own glass of wine.

“Well clearly they like you but maybe too much that’s a big ask after only two weeks.” Lacey admitted to Drake as they both placed their empty glasses on the kitchen counter. “Even if it wasn’t so bloody soon, you’re hardly the sharing type.”

“Hey, I can share when I want to.” Drake said, defending himself.

“Please you were a spoiled child and that’s hard to hide.” Lacey replied.

“Well you’re looking to die for.” Ash said with a flirtatious smirk the minute Drake opened the apartment door to him only to walk in to see Lacey stood at the kitchen counter with a fresh glass of wine in her hand.

“Seriously you need to stop with the cheese.” Lacey told Ash before taking a drink of her wine.

“Never mind my friend she’s always got her foot in her mouth.” Drake apologised to Ash. “Shall we get going before she winds up putting you off me.”

“That’s not possible.” Ash replied with charm.

“Sleazy.” Lacey mumbled into her glass of wine while taking another drink.

“Are you okay to lock up?” Drake asked Lacey.

“Yeah I’ll lock up but don’t forget your gun Drake.” Lacey replied to Drake, attempting to make Ash feel uncomfortable.

“She’s just kidding,” Drake said as he laughed awkwardly while opening his front door.

“No, she’s not,” Lacey shouted as Drake and Ash walked out of the apartment, closing the door behind them. “Have him home by eleven!”

Lacey finished the rest of her wine before placing the empty glass on the kitchen counter as she turned around and opened the fridge in search of more wine having her back to Quinn as he orbed into Drake’s apartment.

“Oh, hey Lacey!” Quinn said to her, clearly surprised to see her there.

“Did you just let yourself in?” She asked him after closing the fridge and walking over to her glass while holding another bottle of wine. “You should probably knock before walking into places.”

“Quinn normally doesn’t mind me walking in.” Quinn replied to her.

“That was probably before you wound him up today I’m not a lip reader so I have no idea what that argument was about but I know you wound him up which means you wound me up.” Lacey told him as she poured white wine into her glass. “I’m hoping you’re here to apologize although you’ve literally just missed him. How didn’t you see him in the hallway?”

“I’m not sure he must’ve taken the elevator whereas I took the stairs.” Quinn lied.

“The elevator’s been broken for a week.” Lacey replied while taking a drink of her wine, clearly becoming suspicious of the white lighter.

“Where has he gone?” Quinn asked Lacey hoping to avoid how she just caught him out on a lie.

“You don’t fool me for a second Jason Quinn.” Lacey stated. “You’ve clearly seen him with a hot guy knew I’d be here and came to me for the gossip.”

“You know me so well can tell you’re a detective.” Quinn replied with a nervous laugh, happy to not have been caught out.

“I’m not into guys but if I were into guys, he’d be top of the list.” Lacey revealed to Quinn knowing it would make him jealous. “I guess you missed your shot with him.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” He asked her.

“Come on Quinn it’s obvious you’re into him,” Lacey told him as she placed her wine glass back on to the counter. “And until today it was obvious, he was into you until you messed up but I’m sure if you act quick you could win him back. I have a feeling he only went on this date because you pissed him off today.”

“Drake and I are just friends.” Quinn lied unconvincingly as he tried to hide his growing feelings for his charge.

“Well that’s all use is ever going to be if you keep that up.” Lacey said honestly.

“Where did Drake go with this allegedly hot guy?” Quinn wondered.

“See now that’s the attitude I’ve been waiting to see.” Lacey replied with excitement in her voice. “I’ll go get my phone and text him not letting on I’m asking for you and then you can go get your man.”

Drake found himself having a great time while out for dinner with Ash in a little San Francisco restaurant called Quake as they sat at a table placed opposite each other while the two of them were drinking wine.

“So, what’s the deal with you and you’re cop friend?” Ash asked him.

“I’ve known her since I was kid we became best friends, we lived on the same street and I used to go out with her brother so we have a lot of history together not to mention my boss at SFPD is her dad.” Drake revealed to him.

“I’m guessing she’s still hoping you reunite with her brother and that’s why she doesn’t like me.” Ash replied.

“Oh god no that would never happen for so many reasons and she wouldn’t want it to happen either.” Drake admitted. “That’s in the past and I’m only looking forward from now on.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” Ash responded as he placed his hand on Drake’s causing Drake to smile at the man, he had no idea was a demon.

“What do you do for work? I mean it’s only fair you tell me considering you literally met me in my workplace.” Drake asked Ash after removing his hand from his and taking another drink.

“I’m like a personal assistant to a very fiery boss the woman is forever keeping me on my toes but at least I can say I’m never bored.” Ash admitted before taking a drink of his wine. “Has anyone ever told you that you have the most beautiful eyes?”

“Seriously that line was cheesy for me and I love cheesy lines.” Drake responded with a laugh.

“Forgive me for trying to impress you as much as possible.” Ash said as he once again smiled at the charmed detective.

“It doesn’t take much to impress me just cut the cheese and be yourself.” Drake told him.

“I have a feeling you’re going to be hard work.” Ash replied as he touched Drake’s hand once more. “It’s a good thing I like a challenge.”

Drake and Ash look into each other’s eyes with a sense of intensity that could only come from two people wanting each other until their longing glaze was interrupted when Drake noticed Celine Dion herself coming to the stage of the dance-floor within the renovated restaurant as the singer began to sing her song Ashes.

“Is this the part where you ask me to dance?” Drake asked his date, pretending not to want to dance to the song.

“Please humor me, will you?” Ash requested as he stood up from his chair and held out his hand which Drake then grabbed.

Drake and Ash wasted no time in walking over to the dance-floor not noticing Quinn orbing himself outside of the restaurant window as Drake and his handsome date began dancing to Celine’s performance while not stopping once from looking into each other’s eyes as Quinn continued to spy looking more and more hurt by what he was spying on.

Lacey walked into P3 surprised to find the place completely empty except for Pan standing behind the bar counter making her smile instantly as she walked over to her date and sat down at the bar.

“Did you really close this entire club just for me?” Lacey asked the Halliwell witch.

“I figured with all the things that have got in our way lately I didn’t want anything distracting us tonight.” Pan admitted as she pulled out a bottle of wine from under the counter along with two wine glasses and began pouring herself and Lacey a drink.

“Well consider me impressed.” Lacey replied with a smile which made Pan smile in response.

“I know with the club opening and the whole Drake situation that things have got complicated, but I want to try and uncomplicate things between us.” Pan revealed to Lacey as she handed her a drink.

“Learning the girl, I like is my best friend’s long-lost sister was definitely a cure ball.” Lacey admitted causing Pan’s face to light up.

“So, you still like me then?” Pan asked with an awkward smile on her face.

“I suppose I do yes.” Lacey responded before Pan leaned over the counter and kissed her softly on the lips.

“I like you too.” Pan replied.

“So, did you warn Drake about my premonition?” Paul asked Quinn after Quinn orbed into the kitchen where Paul was busy making a potion.

“He was kind of busy with his date I didn’t want to interrupt until I got you.” Quinn revealed to the eldest Halliwell witch. “I’m hoping this date was the demon so we should probably get a move on.”

“You mean guessing not hoping right?” Paul said, believing he was correcting the white lighter.

“Yeah that’s what I meant.” Quinn lied.

“Was the date male or female because the demon was a male?” Paul questioned him.

“It was a male so we definitely should get going right now.” Quinn urged Paul. “Let’s get to vanquishing this son of a bitch already.”

“Okay well you seem a little more keen than normal, but I like your attitude.” Paul replied.

“I must admit I never would’ve taken you for much of a dancer.” Ash told Drake as they were now sitting back at their table smiling away at each other while Celine Dion started singing flying on my own.

“If you must know before I was a detective I used to strip and I’m not ashamed of it either because I was bloody good.” Drake boasted.

“Well all I’ve got to say is I’m going to need to see proof sometime.” Ash replied to him.

“Keep playing your cards right and you soon will.” Drake said flirtatiously.

“I don’t know if you like to...” Ash began to say.

“Your place or mine?” Drake asked finishing the sentence for him.

0 notes

greatdrams · 7 years

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The Great British Bar Hunt. Part Two: Reading

Reading’s great. There, I’ve said it. (The town East of London, not the bibliophilic activity, should there be confusion. Though I actually love both.)

I’ve been here a year now, and in honesty I had my doubts to begin with. Descriptions I heard prior to moving featured “grey”, “dull”, “functional”, and “close to Slough”.

Happily, those descriptions must have been conjured by people who hadn’t spent any meaningful time in Reading, or who hadn’t been bothered to look around properly. (Though it is close to Slough). Because thanks to the superb food blog Edible Reading, and the discovery of a drinking companion whose alcohol tastes were as small-‘c’-catholic as my own, I’ve rather got to know my new home town. And you know what? I like it.

But it doesn’t really have a whisky bar.

Ok, caveat: it has The Purple Turtle. And I’m still not sure what to make of that place, but you can read about a previous misadventure here. The problem is, it has a superb selection of US whiskey...but I’m really not sure who goes there to drink it. Other than me that one time.

It just isn’t the sort of place you go for a quiet drop of something fancy. Because – and I must be blunt here – if I’m having something fancy, I’d quite like to be sober for it. And if you go into the Turtle sober then may God have mercy on your soul.

But I wanted to be proven wrong. I wanted to discover some tucked-away gem where exciting whiskies and creative cocktails were just waiting to dazzle and mildly befuddle me. An online perusal didn’t raise my hopes much – both Slug and Lettuce and TGI Friday’s were suggested by Dr Google.

So instead I picked the brains of my Reading-drink-scene consigliere, Liv, and a rain blattered Sunday afternoon saw the two of us make our way to a place called Caffeine & Cocktails...

Caffeine & Cocktails

5, The Walk, King’s Road, Reading. RG1 2HG

Might as well get something straight right away. This is not a whisk(e)y bar. It has 13 or 14 bottles, some of which, such as Nikka From The Barrel and Rittenhouse 100 proof, I rate very highly. But nothing that a mildly enthusiastic whiskonaut won’t have stumbled upon before. Put it this way: I don’t have the wallet to be a collector. But even my collection is bigger than Caffeine & Cocktails’

That aside, it’s a nice place to sit. Fairly high roofed, which alongside the glass-panelled walls give the impression of airy spaciousness. I’ve never been to C&C to eat (or indeed drink caffeine) before, but my understanding is that they’re pretty good in both respects.

Oh, and they have Happy Hour on Cocktails a lot.

From Monday to Saturday between 4pm and 7pm, and for the whole day on Sunday a good range of Cocktails are just £4 each. This being the South of England, that works out around the price of a pint, and I make that pretty good value. (The cocktails, not the pints – don’t get me started on the price of pints in the South.)

Should you venture to C&C outside of Happy Hour (saying “Hour” seems to really undersell them incidentally!) their cocktails range from about £7.50 to £8.50. That’s the same range that last month’s Jenny’s and Berry & Rye worked in, and which I’m coming to think of as “appropriate value for a decent cocktail.” Because I don’t live in London.

There’s a broad selection, including a double page spread featuring caffeine-based cocktails, which seems appropriate. Oh, and for what it’s worth, C&C wins many points from me for their cocktail name puns!

Anyhow – to business. I opted for a Tom Collins, not wanting to go too hard at 3pm on a Sunday, and Liv picked a Bellini. (They have several Bellini options – Liv had peach.)

This may not be the usual thing to comment on in a bar review, but I ought probably to mention in passing that the graffiti in the toilets may not be to your taste. Liv thought the offerings in the ladies’ was pretty funny; the writing in the gents’ is a little sexist for my taste. Takes all sorts, I know, but seems a little unnecessary. Happily it’s confined to the toilets, and I suppose you can always just cross your legs...

The cocktails on arrival were well worth £4 each. My Tom Collins was just the right side of too sharp, which is exactly the level I like. Liv’s Bellini was...a Bellini. In honesty, they always leave me a little cold. The overall verdict was that we probably wouldn’t want to pay £7.50 for them, but at Happy Hour prices no complaints whatsoever.

Our visit was short and sweet – a little like the Bellini. It’s a nice place to sit; I’ve never been at what you might call ‘peak time’, but I’d definitely recommend stopping by during Happy Hour. If you’re after the upper echelons of mixology, or a challenging and bewildering range of Aqua Vitae, however, you may want to look elsewhere.

Which is what we did next, in the shape of Cerise Bar, at the Forbury Hotel.

Cerise Bar

The Forbury Hotel, 26 The Forbury, Reading. RG1 3EJ.

I’ve been to Cerise before, for my birthday meal last year, and can confirm that the food there is smashing. My mother rated her dessert the best she’d ever eaten, which is high praise indeed.

It is, however, not somewhere you go when you’re after saving a few pennies. Its website claims that it is becoming “the place to be seen outside London,” which rather says it all. The interior – and staff – are very smart indeed; Liv and I aren’t exactly scruffy, but we felt pretty underdressed until a chap helpfully bowled in sporting a hoodie.

The restaurant is slightly separate from the bar, and there’s a particularly comfy-looking lounge into which you can take your drinks, should you feel so inclined. Their outdoor area is also worth mentioning, as it’s a gorgeous place to sit, with a high wall and a fountain. It’s even covered during the rain, and sufficiently heated to make it almost worth sitting outside in the winter.

That being said, to get into it, you have to go through the restaurant. That wasn’t a problem on this occasion, as it was still a little early for diners, but I’d feel slightly awkward swinging through, Old Fashioned in hand, if groups of people were tucking into their grouse. (Other fine dining options are available.) But perhaps that’s just me.

I say Old Fashioned because that’s what I ordered, whilst Liv opted for an Espresso Martini. And here I encountered a quibble. The menu doesn’t specify which whiskey they use in their Old Fashioned, and when I placed the order the barman asked me if I had a preference.

Now I know this is my fault. I know that the cheap answer here is “just the house one, please”. But that’d be a little dull, so instead I opted for Knob Creek. What I hadn’t accounted for was quite how expensive the Knob Creek would be, compared to whichever their standard bourbon is.

Which brings me neatly to the selection and prices of their whiskies. Size-wise, it’s medium, to medium-light. It’s not a whisk(e)y-focussed bar, but the bottles they have include some interesting juice: Dalmore 25, Talisker 18, Yamazaki 12, Hibiki 17 etc.

But their pricings are absolutely all over the place. There’s no consistency to the markup; Yamazaki 12, which costs about £90+ online is £9 for a single. That’s not bad. Talisker 18, however, which with very little effort you can pick up for £70 a bottle, they charge £19 a throw for. I did the maths, and that’s about a 700% markup. And those are just two examples.

Cocktails took a little longer than anticipated, given the bar was relatively empty at the time. That being said, they were very good. Ironically, having been fussy about the whiskey in my Old Fashioned, I actually preferred Liv’s Espresso Martini. But both were excellent.

The thing is though, they weren’t any better than those at Berry & Rye, covered last month. And they were considerably more expensive. Once the 10% discretionary service charge had been added, the two came to just shy of £27. That’s more or less what I paid for a round of four in Liverpool.

It’s unquestionably a lovely place to sit, Cerise. The food is stunning and the drinks are very well made. But the bar prices are inconsistent, and I’m simply not sure that you always get your money’s worth. Happily they have a menu which details the selection – something none of the Liverpool bars offered – but you do need it, because otherwise there’s a chance you’ll end up burned.

I’ll probably go back, because there aren’t many restaurants like it in Reading. And I’ll probably have a cocktail with my meal. But if I’m asked what my spirit preference is, I’ll probably just say “just the house one, please,” next time. And for a spirits enthusiast that’s a pretty sad admission.

Liv and I left it at that for the evening, as the third bar I wanted to inspect doesn’t open on Sunday. So at this point we flash forward to Thursday evening to find me back in town centre after work, and heading for Milk.

Milk Bar

8, Merchants Place, Reading. RG1 1DT.

Milk is my favourite bar in Reading. It actually leads a double life, because during the day it is Shed, which holds a special place in my heart for making My Favourite Sandwich In All The World.

But come evening the ciabattas are cordoned off, the outrageously good Jerk Chicken refrigerated, and the building throws on its cowl to become the spirits bar Reading needs.

Unfortunately for me, that spirit is Rum.

In a parallel universe I suppose there is an Adam who sets out his stall as The Rum Pilgrim. That Adam would go to Milk and say “yes, my search is over. This is the bar I wanted Reading to have.”

Because it’s a fantastic place. Usually busy, but seldom overcrowded; the staff are brilliant; service, despite the number of cocktails being made, is efficient and friendly, and their Rum selection is indeed prodigious in breadth and variety.

But wasted on me. There may come a time when neat Rum and I set aside our differences and become bedfellows, but it is not this day. An hour of sugar and Caribbean exoticism, but it is not this day. This day I am the Whisky Pilgrim, and Rum doesn’t quite do it for me.

They do have whiskies. Indeed they offer a ‘Rum and Whisky Wednesday’ service, with discounts and everything. (Which begs the question: why was I there on a Thursday?) Occasionally they get brand ambassadors in, which means that from time to time something more interesting appears on the shelves. (Or rather, lurks behind the first row of bottles; whisky visibility is set to “foggy” at Milk – not much tiering I’m afraid.) But again, the 20-bottle-strong bunch at Château Wellsy is – forgive my bragging – superior.

Milk’s cocktails are also decent. Rum-focussed, of course, but other spirits, whisk(e)y included, get a page each. Prices largely sit around the Caffeine & Cocktails mark, and to this taster the quality is slightly higher. But I fancied something neat, and opted for a Balvenie 14. Which, needless to say, is finished in Rum casks. Call it my concession...

So: drinking in Reading.

Hmm.

On the one hand, a good night out is to be had. Something carefully selected and pretty well made in Cerise to begin with, followed by what’s left of Happy Hour at C&C. Then on to Milk for its fantastic ambience and friendly feel. Hell, I might even give Rum another chance sometime.

The thing is, I can have a good night just by going to The Allied Arms, which is a really first-rate pub in the town centre. But that’s not really the point of The Great British Bar Hunt.

I’m after a place with an exciting and broad whisky selection; with decent prices, and perhaps a good cocktail range. I’m after somewhere I’d pop into two or three times a week if I lived close by, spend a few hours there each time and gradually get to know the bottles and the staff. I’m after places that prove London doesn’t have a monopoly on interesting drinks.

A few onths ago a few whisky friends from The Smoke had made their way west and asked for bar recommendations since I wasn’t around in person. I wanted to send them to Milk – I genuinely think it’s the best bar in Reading. But these chaps wanted a whisk(e)y range, so with a heavy heart I directed them to The Purple Turtle.

Because however incongruous it seems at half past one on Saturday morning amidst the mingling whiffs of Jäger and sweat and bad judgement, Turtle has Reading’s premier whisk(e)y selection. It just does. Some of the Bourbons and Ryes there are first rate; prices are very reasonable, and the range is vast and growing.

I want to take that range and re-house it in Milk. I want Reading to have a chilled out bar somewhere that I can make my own, excitedly point friends towards, and continuously explore. But it just doesn’t.

So perhaps the answer is to go to The Turtle at the time of day and week that you feel least inclined to drink whisk(e)y. To specify that you don’t want your double to be served in a pint glass, and to quietly and solitarily enjoy the liquid treasures on offer.

But somehow that doesn’t quite seem like strong consumer advice.

Sorry Reading – I still think you’re great. But nowhere’s perfect.

Cheers!

[gallery type="rectangular" ids="23679,23680,23681,23682,23683,23684,23685,23686"]

The post The Great British Bar Hunt. Part Two: Reading appeared first on GreatDrams.

from GreatDrams http://ift.tt/2lJsL7y Adam Wells

#whisky #GreatDrams

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heysnowflake · 5 years

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I like to do these for my future self to read back on, but feel free to have a read yourself :)

1. What kind of food can’t you stand? Lime Pickle!!! I will never recommend anyone to try it... unless I really don’t like them xD

2. If you could choose one minor inconvenience to never have to deal with again, what would you pick? Putting on makeup. I used to really enjoy putting on makeup but now it feels more like a chore.

3. Have you got any useless talents? I can move one of my eyes independently. It’s because I have a lazy left eye and it’s very useless.

4. If you could be really good at one thing, what would it be? Writing. I feel like I’m okay with some forms of writing, but if I could really good at writing fiction and be able to make a living out of it, that would be amazing. I have so many finished and unfinished fiction books/scenes saved on my laptop that no one has ever read.

5. Name a few people you think are extremely good-looking? Before I list off a few, I want to say first and foremost that I take personality into account quite seriously before I even decide if I find someone attractive. So, assuming we’re talking celebrity/fictional character-wise: Eddie Redmayne, Jack Frost (Rise of the Guardians), Hugh Jackman, Jake Gyllenhal, Ian Somerhalder, Markiplier, Jacksepticeye, Russell Howard... I probably have more but they’re the ones that are off the top of my head.

6. What was your favourite way to pass time as a kid? I used to be obsessed with fairies, my childhood basically revolved around them. I read about them, watched any VHS I could find that had them in it, I made fairy rings, etc. It kept kept me very busy. And yes, I do still love and believe in fairies, I even have a fairy tattoo to represent that.

7. What is something you are proud of? My degree, actually. It was in a subject I never thought I’d get a degree in or even want a degree in but I can’t describe how proud I am to have it. I always thought I’d get a degree in English or Psychology but no- I have a degree in Business Management. I can officially put BABM after my name, like a PHD but less cool.

8. What’s one character flaw in people that you just can’t tolerate? Anger. If there is one thing I can’t stand in other people, it’s that. Whether that anger is verbal or physical or both, I will not put with people like that.

9. Do you consider yourself to be more of a leader or a follower? It 100% depends on my company.. and my alcohol intake. I’m kidding- kinda. But yes, depending on who I’m with, I will adapt. For example, my old friends at Exeter, I felt like I was more a leader. But when I’m with my best friend or at work, I’m somewhere in between.

10. What kind of student are/ were you? I WAS (it feels so good to be able to say ‘was’) a motivated student. I always took way too many notes, I would put 110% into projects, especially if I got to choose the topic, and I even used to help out others in my class when they needed help with homework, exams, etc. But don’t get me wrong, I would barely study for exams as much as I needed to and I would procrastinate a lot. I felt like I was much more motivated in secondary school and college years, but once Uni and freedom came around, I became much more... laissez-faire, if you will. Even though, I have to say, I learned vastly more out of my three years at Uni than I ever did in the seven years I spent at secondary and college.

11. Butterfly effect question! Has there ever been a seemingly minor decision you’ve made (at the time) that ended up having a profound influence on your life? Going for a little interview at the nearest hotel/pub/restaurant just for part-time housekeeping work. Because now, just over two years later, I am the office supervisor at the place. PLUS, the main part of my job is taking care of the boss’ many dogs- it’s literally a dream job and I look forward to going into work everyday.

12. Name your most irrational fear/ aversion: Irrational? I guess probably stairs. I have minor Bathmophobia, yes that is actually a thing. I’ve had a small fear of stairs ever since I was 3 and fell down a rather large flight. Since then, my legs have shaken every time I’ve been on a set of stairs. I say minor phobia as I can stand to walk up them, but -given the choice- I will choose an alternate option. My legs still shake but no where near as much as they used to. Funnily love, I actually live in a bungalow because of it, now that I think about it xD

13. Are there any fiction characters you find especially relatable? As dumb as this will sound, I actually relate to Belle from Beauty and the Beast a lot. “I want adventure in the great wide somewhere, I want it more than I can tell,” and I do feel like I’m stuck where I am, though I do love where I am also- that’s the problem. I also am attracted heavily by someone’s personality rather than someone’s appearance. I also love to read too. Like Belle, I love to escape into another world for a while, and books are the easiest way to do that.

14. If you drink, what kind of drunk are you? Alternatively, what sort of person are you at parties? If/when I drink, I am almost too kind. As in I will waste money on rounds of drinks for people because, even as a sober being, I love giving more than I do receiving. When very drunk, I can be flirty for sure, but I haven’t been properly drunk in a public place for a over year now. I am way more attracted to the setting of drinking in a house or a local place, where I’m surrounded only closest friends and family. That doesn’t mean to say that I completely oppose drinking on a weekend, I just... I’ve had a couple of negative experiences in the past that have very much put me off. But when I have been drunk, I actually tend to take care of my best friend as she’d normally get more drunk than me. I know my limits now.

15. Do you fall in love easily? Or does it usually take a long time for you to trust someone? I... I... that’s a very good question actually. I feel like I tend to trust easily more than I do fall in love. But when I do fall, I fall hard. But I’m quite good at keeping it hidden and I will stay in love or crush on someone for months, sometimes years, on end.

16. Would you rather have one close friend or 100 casual friends? ONE BEST FRIEND, FOR SURE! In fact, I actually only have one friend really now and she is the bestest friend I could ever wish for. I’ve had many casual friends in the past and nothing compares to sharing a life with her. I do have close friends too at work, however, I’m very close with my bosses, and I know how lucky I am to have this kind of relationship with them. It is much better to be truly loved by barely any than it is to be barely loved by many.

17. Do you consider yourself to be more of a slob or a neat-freak? It depends where I am. And also the time of year. During autumn and winter, where I have more time to spend on being a neat freak, I am that. But during spring and summer, I can be slob but that’s mainly because I don’t have the time to be spend making everything perfect. But at work, I am a neat freak for sure, my office/cottage where I work is very squeaky clean. In terms of my appearance, I would say I’m a healthy mix. I take pride in my hygiene, makeup and hair. Nevertheless, I cannot say the same for my clothes. I indulge in comfort. It takes me a lot of effort to wear something other than jeans, leggings and boots.

18. Describe a place (imaginary or real) that you find incredibly cozy: a wooden cabin in the middle of the woods at night. The warm lighting inside contrasts the eerie and cold blue of the outside. The furniture is all natural wood and varying touches of red tartan all throughout.

19. Do you have kids? If not, do you want them someday? I do not have kids and I actually don’t plan on having them. It would taken an incredible circumstance or person to change my mind. I’d be much happier having ten dogs.

20. What was your favourite book as a child? The Pig in the Pond by Martin Wadell.

21. Name one thing you just don’t get what all the hype is about: I actually don’t know, to each their own.

22. Name one thing you think is tragically underrated: Charmed- THE OLD SERIES, NOT THIS FANCY NEW SERIES WITH NO CHARACTER!!

23. If you had to be glued to a person for a month, real or fictional, who would it be? If I can choose someone who is dead, Walt Disney. I just have so many questions. But if not, I would choose... Russell Howard, because if I’m going to be stuck to someone for a month, they might as well make me laugh. Plus he ain’t back to look a ;)

24. What’s something you’d like the chance to do someday? Travel. The only place I’ve been abroad is Disneyland Paris. But I want to experience more.

25. Do you typically speak your mind when you have a controversial opinion? Or do you generally prefer not to rock the boat? I tend to be very vocal about my opinions, whether they oppose or not. I think it’s much more interesting and authentic to speak your mind and challenge someone. You can’t go through life just agreeing with everyone, that would make you and your life incredibly boring.

26. What’s the dumbest fad you’ve been caught up in? Probably Scoobies. They were the shit back in my day.

27. What’s something you thought was cool as a kid, but now cringe at yourself for? Dumbing myself down to fit in. Kids, it is much better to admit that you actually are intelligent. The right people will love you for it.

28. What’s a trait you consider to be very admirable? Consideration. Considering others’ thoughts and feelings before acting. Putting others before yourself.

29. Is there a particular kind of item people always tend to give you as gifts? Books and socks, and no complaints here.

30. Do you speak multiple languages? I can’t speak multiple languages, as much as I’d like to, but I can read and write Ancient Runes.

31. Would you rather live in the big city or the countryside? Countryside in the end, though I wouldn’t mind living in a city for like a year or something.

32. Has there ever been something you were certain you’d hate, but ended up loving? I thought I’d hate red wine growing up, but now it’s pretty much all I drink, alcohol-wise.

33. Do you mind being the centre of attention, or do you prefer the spotlight to be on someone else? I prefer the spotlight being on the other person I’m talking to. I love asking inquisitive questions and I thoroughly enjoy learning about another person.

34. Favourite holiday? Christmas- no contest.

35. Are you more of a go-with-the-flow type of person, or do you need to have things planned meticulously? I love going with the flow, but there are definitely times where I feel I need a place. So, I guess a mix.

36. Is there something you loved so much you wish you could forget it and experience it all again? Disneyland. I think about it all the time.

37. What hobbies do you have? Horror movie-watching, gaming and watching gameplays, piano, street-surfing, writing, reading, composing, walking along the beach, taking quizzes.

38. If you could have a superpower, but it was only mildly useful, what ability would you want to have? Telekinesis, that has always been my dream power.

39. Something people are always surprised to learn about you: That I can read and write Ancient Runes.

40. Something that took you way too long to figure out: That not trying to conform, thinking that would make me happy, actually makes me happier. That being a collie is far better than being a sheep.

41. Worst injury you’ve had? Probably a mahoosive bruise I got on my arm one time when I fell off a scooter. I’m honestly surprised at myself that I’ve never broken a bone.

42. Any morbid fascinations? Anything to do with horror.

43. Describe your sense of humour: Sarcastic, dry, nerdy and witty.

44. If you had to be born in another era/ place, which would you choose? 18th Century Scotland- if you’ve seen/read Outlander, you’ll know why.

45. Something you are irredeemably bad at: Pool, my boss will tell you that I am shockingly bad.

46. Something that sucked but you’re glad you went through: Waking up at 4am everyday for three years- because I wouldn’t have been able to get my degree otherwise.

47. Would you rather have a really godawful, ugly tattoo in a place that is only slightly inconvenient to conceal, or the coolest, most beautiful tattoo ever in the middle of your face? Ugly tattoo, easy! Hey, it’ll make for a funny story, right?

48. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist? I endeavour to be an optimist. I also don’t set specific goals, that way I’m never disappointed. I just take life as it comes and do whatever i need to do to make myself happy. I’m very lucky in that sense that I have a best friend, family and great bosses to support me in that.

49. What would be the most flattering compliment someone could give you? “I’ve never met anyone like you.”

50. Something you feel people often misunderstand about you: People assume that I’m a know-it all and all tough with no feelings, which is mostly true, in their defence. But they don’t realise how much I hold inside.

To my future self, hope you had fun reading this - 19/03/19

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musingsofmissanon · 7 years

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5/1/17- They’re Dating

I am writing this technically the day after... I found at like almost midnight on April 30th but it is now 7:49 and I have yet to sleep.

So I have two friends. They have a 6 year age gap between them. One just turned 18 like last month and the other is like 24. They just met in like November of 2016. One is a little slither of a thing and the other is fairly average. The girl i will call C and the guy I will call T.

Our friend group has been speculating that they had a thing going on from the beginning. Like I kid you not, she started calling him Oppa by the second time they had met. But I wrote it off as a “she watches hella k dramas and prob just wants to call the guy Oppa” kinda thing. I mean he let her so what can I say? I also didn’t like him at the time and didn’t think too much about it.

Anyway, they hit it off right away and we learn that he is the nicest to her. This guy who is normally a right asshole is nice to her, a girl he just met a few months ago. I was like whatever, she’s friendly and develops fast friendships, plus she is literally like four foot and is the youngest in our friends group, so we all babied her to an extent. I didn’t think too much of it.

Later, as the months progressed I just assumed that they had moved into a normal Oppa/Dongsaeng relationship and that because she was 17 and away from home, he made an extra attempt to be nice to her.

How wrong was I. After a couple of months, it twas brought to my attention that two other girls in the group fancied him, that was unanimously agreed on. However, there was argumentation about the particular girl in question. No one knew whether C liked T or if was just a “he’s nice to me” type thing that she played into. Most of us saw her a super innocent.

There was like one girl in the group that insisted that C had a thing for T and vice versa.

Looking at it now, the ending seems obvious but you gotta understand T. T is a guy who has an Oppa complex, once he decides he likes you alright, he’s nice to you and goes out of his way to do older brother type shit, even if he’s talking shit while doing it....

Therefore, I continued not to think too much of it.

Our group soon began to call the other girls who fancied him Tots and C was added to the list as Head Tot.

During parties and other social events we as a group could no longer deny that something was odd with C and T. However, upon asking them individually, they denied anything.

One of the tots who I will call E received some of the benefits that C received so that further my delusion. But the difference in E and C is that E and T occurred organically where E and T’s Oppa/Dongsaeng relationship did not.

Anywhoo an example of the special privilages would be:

- Him calling you ‘Nae Dongsaeng’

- Trips the store in his car

- Him buying you stuff

- He wasn’t gonna be an ass to you

- He does not things in general that he doesn’t do for anyone else

- Checking after your well-being

- Generally showing care that he doesn’t give to everyone

- He also lets you ride in the front seat (I learned that one the hard way even though we had been friends longer than he and E, but that’s another story.)

However, C got special treatment. He would start attending parties because had to make sure his “Dongsaeng” were okay(read Dongsaeng as C). He started showing up at functions that C happened to be at, functions he normally would not attend. He and her would isolate themselves and sit alone to chat, of course that never lasted long because the other Tots would flock to him and her like bees to honey( I mean literally at parties, T and C would go to the backroom and the other two Tots would realize they were gone and set our to find them). He would always make sure she ended up in his car when we would go places as a group. He would as about her if she was not present.

The tots also do not know that almost all of the friend group calls them tots.

I do feel like at this point I should mention that I liked him in the beginning stages of our friendship. It was very much not reciprocated and I also very much hid it. I got over it eventually the more I got to know him and not the idea of him. I do thing that was due in part at least to my loneliness...

So by the time things are getting heated with the Tots, I was over him.

We also had a scare in between the Tot formation and the C and T predicament where another one of our friends whom I will call M discovered that she also liked T.

That too was due to various reasons that she soon came to realize after she confessed to T and got rejected. But that’s a whole other story...

Anyway, there came a point where we realized that the Tot situation had gotten out of hand and that Head Tot(C) and T definitely had something going on....

We are all in a club and some of us are officers and junior officers. I am an officer, T is an officer, and the other tot who is neither C nor E is an officer. I will call her S.

E is a junior officer, C is a junior officer, and M is a junior officer.

There are other officers and junior officers but are not necessary to mention right now.

We as officers decided that it would be a good idea to go on a Korean style MT. So rented a cabin in the woods for a night and went to have a good time. It did not completely go as planned but it was okay.

So,we only had 2 rooms. Our plan was to put the two guys in the room and Rock, Paper, Scissors or the other room or sleep all together in the living room.

That plan was foiled by our president and her husband who took one of the rooms without asking anyone. We couldn’t say anything we were doing things Korean style so age has final say anyway...

So there’s one room left right and we assume that it’s gonna go to T because he’s a guy.

We pass most of the night in relative peace but then the others all start drinking and T ends up in his feels because of the alcohol.

He’s highkey filial and all about the age hierarchy and respect. He apparently had somehow convinced himself that he had wronged the president and her husband in some kind of way and kept apologizing, they kept insisting it was okay and kept apologizing.

I don’t really know because I was in the living room at the time but when I came back in the kitchen, he had moved to the couch between the living room and the kitchen. He was there with his head down looking like he was crying.

I don’t do tears so I looked at him, I looked at other one of our mutual friends and she shook her head as she patted him on the back and I kept it moving to the kitchen, only to turn around and go back into the living room.

She was trying to get him to come to his senses and out of whatever caused him to be that way but he wouldn’t. Her main fear was that the Tots would catch wind and start coddling him and make the situation infinitely worse that it was.

Not surprisingly, Head Tot (C) came through and started the coddling. Noticing that C was missing, the other Tots set out, true to their formation. It wasn’t long before they were all standing around him and making a scene. He eventually got up and went outside.

The guy just wanted fresh air but C couldn’t leave well enough alone and had to follow him.

By this point we all know the history of C and T and we know that the were outside the cabin sitting on a bench together. Upon nosy inspection we found out that T was laying with his head in C’s lap.

Most of us were like just leave them be. But the Tots couldn’t just let Head Tot win like that so they kept coming up with ideas to go outside.

“Maybe he needs Water”

“Maybe they need a blanket”

I was like if they need a blanket they’ll bring their asses inside, giving them one will make them stay. They don’t listen.

So T and C stayed outside for a good hour.

When they finally came in it was under the careful supervision of the Tots. They laid him in bed and made sure that he had a bucket to puke in and everything. He eventually went to sleep.

Later on that night, Drunk E was asked by the Tot Facilitator whom I will call Ti, if she wanted to sleep with T and C. E was like “yeah I want to sleep with my Oppa!” and got put in the bed with T and C(who I did not know was there at the time).

That next morning, all three woke up and no one else was awake. So C and T went back to sleep without E all cuddled up. C’s head tucked under T’s chin, face to face. I have receipts.

It was them that we realized it was happening and there was highkey no way to stop it. They continued to deny it though so what could we say?

We left the cabin and they continued with their friendship like none of that had ever happened. So, foolishly, I thought it was an isolated incident based on the emotions at the time.

Nothing weird had been happening since then.

Fast forward like 2 months and it’s the day after many friends went to the club. There was a pregame that C and T attended but left together. Our friend K rode with them back home and had mentioned that K said she wanted to stay the night at C’s place and T like ‘why’ and C was like “I’m tired, I just wanna go to sleep.” So K was like okay and went home.

Next day, it’s after the club and one of our friends named I texts one of the groups chats in Kakao and is like “I just saw T leaving C’s room on my way to the shower”.

We all freaked, but lowkey expected it but having it actually happen is wild, like I was shook af.

A mess happened where I proceeded to ask T what he was doing at C’s place and he made it difficult talking about he would tell me later.

Long story short, he comes in at almost midnight and I’m asking him if he gonna tell me the answer to my question.

He trying to be all mysterious.

I was like “It’s weird that were just hanging around C’s dorm like that.”

He responds with a mumbled, “Is it weird to go see my girlfriend?”

I was Shookt(yes the t is on purpose).

He was so casual..

We already knew it was probably a thing...

But like, knowing it’s official...

I shouldn’t really care considering that I already basically knew what was going on but...

#korean #guy #girl #crush #kpop #men #women #story #storytime #kakaotalk #drama #friends #girlfriend #boyfriend #crushes #why #me #what even is this #tots #tater tots #group #kdrama

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superxiblog-blog · 7 years

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Rhetorical Profile of F. Scott Fitzgerald

F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote this in a letter to his daughter, Scottie, “All good writing is swimming under water and holding your breath.” This is something no one on earth finds easy to do, since it is against our natural need of air. Excellency in writing, in the same manner, does not appear easily. It takes countless hours of practice, hard work, and pain to write something worthy. At the same time, good writing is even risky, unsafe and daring. F. Scott Fitzgerald surely knows it very well – writing for him was never only a job to make ends meet, but rather a dangerous and exciting adventure.

Frances Scott Key Fitzgerald was born in 1896, St Paul, Minnesota. Being an ambitious and intelligent young man, he was unsatisfied with spending his life in a Midwest small town. He received education in Princeton University, and dedicated all his time there to writing, which got him placed on academic probation. Determined to become a writer, not much time passed before he eventually dropped out of college. He then joined the US army in 1917, and was commissioned a second lieutenant. Afraid that he would die before having a chance to leave any literary legacy behind, he wrote his first novel the Romantic Egotist before reporting to duty – however the war ended in 1918, before he was ever deployed. During his serving time in Montgomery, Alabama, he met the love of his life – 18-year-old Zelda Sayre – who rejected his proposal due to his unstable job as a writer. Furious and desperate, Scott moved to New York City, wrote and published the novel that started everything – This Side of Paradise. The novel was a huge success. It did not only bring 23-year-old Scott fame and wealth overnight, but also convinced Zelda Sayre to become Zelda Fitzgerald.

This Side of Paradise tells the story of a handsome, intelligent and young Midwesterner – Amory Blaine, who is deeply convinced that he is bound to do something great, leaves his eccentric mother to attend Princeton University, but later drops out and enlists to fight the World War I, which ended before he was deployed. During that time, he had several romances. The most significant one is with Rosalind Connage, who ends up marrying a wealthy man and leaving Amory heartbroken. The plot is simple and commonly found during 1920’s literacy field, so what is so special about This Side of Paradise that it became such a magnificent triumph?

F. Scott Fitzgerald used a lot of his past experiences to write this novel. The characters are fictional, but at the same time, they are blessed with traits and qualities of people around Fitzgerald. For example, Amory’s love affair with the debutante, Rosalind Connage is heavily based on his relationship with his wife, Zelda Sayre – Scott and Zelda fell in love at first sight, so did Amory and Rosalind; Zelda and Rosalind are both from established families and have rebellious personalities; Zelda broke up with Scott for his unstable job as a writer when he was drafting this book, while Rosalind left Amory and married a man with wealth. In fact, Fitzgerald even cited Zelda’s journal as Rosalind’s to portrait the character. It is without any doubt that Zelda is the muse for Fitzgerald’s writings. One other important technique that brings Rosalind to life is the special way of narrative – the scene where Rosalind and Amory first met is narrated in a form of dramatic writing. Different from other chapters of the book, the beginning of The Debutante is written as a play, which gives it a refreshing feeling, and makes the meeting really stand out from the rest of the novel.

Needless to say, the most seen attributes actually come from F. Scott Fitzgerald himself. Amory and Fitzgerald have very similar – almost identical experience of attending Princeton, enlisting, and are never actually deployed. More importantly, they both believe in having a promising future, but ironically end up lost in the generation. It is undeniable that F. Scott Fitzgerald put a lot of himself into Amory, which makes it rather difficult to write genuinely about this character. However, different from other commonly found writers might do – beautify their own motives and actions, F. Scott Fitzgerald writes very honestly. As indicated in the title of Book One, Fitzgerald acknowledges Amory as “a romantic egotist”. He also wrote that “It was always the becoming he dreamed of, never the being. This, too, was quite characteristic of Amory”, which reveals his own personal trait of being egotistical and reluctance for working.

Meanwhile, the building of the character Amory is also heavily influenced by the character in The Picture of Dorian Gray – It is even mentioned in the novel itself. In Paradise, Amory met Kerry in Princeton, who introduced him to Oscar Wilde. “Kerry read ‘Dorian Gray’ and simulated Lord Henry, following Amory about, addressing him as ‘Dorian’ and pretending to encourage in him wicked fancies and attenuated tendencies to ennui.” (Fitzgerald 41). Indeed, Amory and Dorian have a lot in common – they are both good-looking and narcissistic. Dorian ended up killing himself, and Amory lost everyone he was close to and his ego. As mentioned before, Amory is a reflection of Fitzgerald himself. It is taxing, and takes courage for a person to examine oneself so straightforward and shows it to the whole world, just like Fitzgerald commented on good writing, “swimming underwater and holding your breath”.

As many would know, the theme that frequently appeared in Scott Fitzgerald’s works is the death of American dream. Fitzgerald is one of the most representatives of “lost generation” – young men who have lived and suffered from seeing millions of meaningless dead during the World War I, and lost their purposes of living. At the very end of the novel, Fitzgerald wrote this following paragraph.

“Long after midnight the towers and spires of Princeton were visible, with here and there a late-burning light – and suddenly out of the clear darkness the sound of bells. As an endless dream it went on; the spirit of the past brooding over a new generation, the chosen youth from the muddled, unchastened world, still fed romantically on the mistakes and half-forgotten dreams of dead statesmen and poets. Here was a new generation, shouting the old cries, learning the old creeds, through a reverie of long days and nights, destined finally to go out into the dirty grey turmoil to follow love and pride; a new generation dedicated more than the last to the fear of poverty and the worship of success; grown up to find all God’s dead, all wars fought, all faiths in man shaken…” (Fitzgerald 205).

Instead of portraying the people directly, Fitzgerald first focuses on describing the environment, which creates a lonesome atmosphere. Then the contrast between the “dead”, “old spirit”, “old cries”, “old creeds”, and the “new generation” shows the strong desperation and lack of direction of the generation, just like Fitzgerald himself. He had a strong belief in having a bright and rising future when he was young, however, fame and wealth that came too quickly, a war that diminished the meaning of life lead to his alcoholism and fallen ego at last. Reflecting back to the quote from his letter to Scottie, Scott Fitzgerald was struggling to write good novels, and slowly drowning in reality.

F. Scott Fitzgerald lived and wrote like a moth to flames. His lifestyle was tragic, but the way how he used his past experience and his own self to portray a generation of lost souls, and his innovative methods of writing remain as treasures in world literature legacy.

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