#I LOVE HIM SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH ITS ACTUALLY CRAZY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rinnelovebot · 2 years

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A/N: I warned you all that this was coming. I should be studying for my exam in two days, but I had to get this out of my brain. I have spent an ungodly amount of money for this man and he still dares to not come home. I am forever bitter

*ೃ༄ Somnolence and dreams

You felt torn as you sat cross-legged beside your slumbering boyfriend, blissfully snoozing the night away on the couch of one of the many ES dressing rooms — should you reel him in from dreamland and wake him, or begrudgingly resign yourself to his side and let him sleep? Your mind clouded over with different possible outcomes, sighing as you gently traced a careful fingertip over his soft cheek.

The unconscious redhead hummed contently at your touch, prompting your hand to further caress his cheek. His skin was warm against your palm, a welcome contrast that coaxed a gleeful smile from your lips. He had always ran quite warm in comparison to you, and it was something that you’d never get enough of. It would probably do you both some good to wake him up, but you wanted to indulge yourself for a little while longer if time would allow it.

“Gonna keep starin’ at me? I’m really just that handsome, huh…?”

You nearly jumped out of your skin at the sound of Rinne’s sleep-laced voice, a single, brilliantly blue eye peeping up at you curiously, a smug grin dancing across his lips. Perhaps you had gotten a little too caught up in your own head to realize he had woken up from his catnap. “God, that scared me… Asshole.” You muttered, but Rinne noticed how venom-less your words were. They lacked any bite whatsoever — and he giggled at that fact. “How long have you been awake?”

“Long enough. I wanted to let you get your fill.” He yawned, “Aren’t I so gracious, baby?” His tone was drenched in the most boyish amusement, tiredly batting his eyelashes at you. God, did he know how to make you flushed, even when he had been half-asleep and arguably delirious. “I think I deserve a kiss for my kindness.”

“Do you now?”

“Sure do, sweetheart.”

You couldn’t argue with such a deviously handsome face. “Alright, fine… Maybe I’ll give you a few more too, if you’re good.” You whispered, leaning fondly into the large, warm hands that gently grasped your face. He pulled you downwards, softly pressing his lips into your own for a deep, yet gentle kiss.

Both of you sighed into one another’s lips, giggling when rinne’s tiredness caused his teeth to softly clash with your own. His kisses always had a unique way of lighting a fire within the deepest depths of your ribcage, explosive sparks erupting from your heart, desperately ricocheting off of every part off you.

Rinne pecked, and pecked, and pecked at your lips, calloused thumbs stroking your face with all the gentleness of a man in love. “You know I love you, right?” He whispered between kisses, pulling you so close that you nearly stumbled over your own feet as you crawled to squeeze yourself next to him on the less than spacious couch. “More than anythin’ in the world, baby.”

“Of course I know,” you answered, heart fluttering within your chest. Anyone else would’ve argued otherwise, but you knew Rinne could be wonderfully romantic when the time was right. “I love you too, Rinne.”

“Mm… I’ll never get tired of hearin’ it.”

“Hearing what?”

He grinned, “Hearin’ how much you love me.”

His gaze was lovesick and tender, as was your own, you would’ve guessed. Obviously you couldn’t stay here forever, but for as long as time would allow you to, here you would stay — on this almost uncomfortably small couch, kissing the night away.

#I LOVE HIM SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH ITS ACTUALLY CRAZY #my baby my love my my my (dies)#hopefully this’ll prompt him to come home #marchie scribbles #enstars x reader #ensemble stars #ensemble stars x reader #enstars #rinne amagi #rinne amagi x reader

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nar-nia · 1 year

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hi!!

im finally not that busy so i came here to scream about to so many things!!!!!!!!!!!

1. i read jay, jake and hoon posts for the comeback event u had going on!! they were lovely!!! a bit cheeky at times too!! but overall i loved them, and im sorry i didn't tell u earlier but again i went on tumblr to read them cuz i knew u will be posting them and had to close the app seconds after i finished cuz life is no so yay !! anyhow yes!! they were great tho <33

2.OMG OOGMERIOFDJFWNFDSVUHJBSN THE ALBUM WAS AMAZING??? i'm absolutely speechless, it was astonishing !!!!! im pissed tho that fate is only like half a song :((( rip queen BUT bills and chaconne ???? WOW JUST WOW, the music video was fantastic too (i'm actually considering going to that castle (where they filmed it) myself cuz it looked beautiful and so did the boys!!!, the vocals on this album were amazing, !!!! album of the year , no skips!! they did so good!!!so which one is ur fav track? ^^

ALSO HEE LOOKED SOOOOOOOOOO GOOD??? and his dance with the backup dancer was soooooo hot!! which bring us to :

3. i saw so many kfans crying over the choreography like wtf!!!! i loved it!! it ATE, it suits the title track sooo well, its crazy!! and everybody put so much work into it, its not fair that people are reacting like that - instant annoyance :(((( i loved it tho its fun, its exciting, its SEXYYY (Sexhee!!!!) ………. literally get a life and a job, go outside, touch some grass, i hope the female dancers are okay too :(( and the boys :(( man i hope they know they are loved and we are proud of them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. i hope the stuff u had/have for uni is going well!!!! i love uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!

5. look at him!!!

https://twitter.com/ihs_heeseung/status/1660965508341207043?s=20

thats my sexy vamp boyfie <3 ← this how u should be delusional ^^ !!! its fun!! if u dont overdo it weirdos!!! wrr

-beloved anonie, i hope ure doing okay and enjoying the album and life as u should <3 omg this is so long lmao

hello hellooo 🩷🩷

1. thank youuu 🥺 i'm glad you liked it, i hope it could give you some distraction and rest <33 are you okay? 🥺

2. THE ALBUM. i know i claimed bills at first but somehow it slipped to the last place now.. it's just all so good 🥹 bite me is constantly stuck in my head from all the streaming and stuff, but i don't mind 🤭 and sacrifice is giving me so many ideas for stories.. soon 🤞🏻so i'd say those are definitely my favorites. but it's so amazing and they really get better with every comeback, i love them so much. and the fact that they were included in the whole process of making the album and the mv?? wow.

but yes, fate deserves to be a full song 🥹 maybe someday.. and you should definitely visit the castle if you can!! and what are your favorites?

3. i have no words for k-engenes anymore. sometimes i feel delulu but this is a whole new level and i cannot grasp how they could do so much bs to people they supposedly love. enhypen deserves so much better and i hope the boys (and dancers too!) know how much we love the whole choreo and album. i hope in a few years we can all laugh about the truck war for example because for now i'm just sad that it was even necessary

4. i was about to say we're moving on to happier stuff but uni.. well 😶 my thesis is actually going well rn, i hope to finish it by the end of the week (the writing at least) and then i have two weeks left for making changes! wish me luck please, i'll need it. i'm getting too distracted with enha rn..

but how are things going for you? sounds like it's very stressful rn, i hope that will stop soon 🥺 i love you too and wish you all the best for it 🩷

5. i-

beloved anonie somehow we have the same boyfriend i fear. (HOW DOES HE LOOK SO GOOD IT'S UNFAIR)

i love you tooo 🩷🩷 and i hope you're doing okay too, you deserve it so so much

#beloved anonie 💖#my loves ❤️#talk that talk 📣

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ftkestis · 2 years

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ok u know what i am fighting this melatonin i gotta rant about color rush 2 cause i feel like the only person on god’s green earth who watched it

like first of all…i wasn’t crazy about color rush cause i didn’t really like the second lead’s acting??? yoo jun is AMAZING though like yeonwoo my beloved 💕💕 but anyway i was kinda like skeptical about season 2 until i realized hyuk was gonna be in it and i was excited again

AND HONESTLY???? it had me in a CHOKEHOLD!!! hyuk was sooooooooooooooooo good and soooooooooo cute and the chemistry between sehyun and yeonwoo was so good!!! so many little subtle things about sehyun made me SCREAM with delight like the way he leans in in literally episode 1 i was flajfjshkfsjksk

i liked the way they kinda explained why the other actor was gone,,, i thought the whole of s2 felt more plot driven which was actually kinda interesting!!! i definitely think the last 2 episodes suffered from like having way too much happen and they were a little goofy lgnskcmnsjx but i know BLs still don’t get a lot of air time or huge budgets so :| i also hate the open ending lowkey LNFAKJCJX like yeonwoo kissing him made me gasp SO FUCKING LOUD!!!! and then it was sehyun like daydreaming???? i refuse to believe . THEY LOVE EACH OTHER!!! yeonwoo was so scared when sehyun got hit (and this is part of what was so goofy like the fights….brother please dkajdksksks) but the confession honestly was so painful :((( sehyun acknowledging that yeonwoo would probably never make room for him bc of yoohan… BUT ITS NOT TRUE HE DID!!! shut the hell up LMFOSKFJSSK

god it was so. i loved it. CLEARLY!!! the kiss legit made me gasp and then they did it AGAIN!!!!!! AAAAUGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

but anyway. color rush 2. ily

#kerah shut up #color rush 2 #bl thots

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toxikbubblegum · 5 years

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May Reading Wrap Up

I'm actually really proud of myself. I finished 13 books last month. Spent a lot of extra time away from screens and focusing on my mental health so I burned through way more than I normally would. So anyways, here's my reviews. - Also please understand that these are just my opinions and if I shit on your favorite book I'm sorry that I didn't enjoy it as much as you. Also, also Im terrible with character names.

Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor ⭐⭐⭐

I actually started this book at the end of April but didn't finish it til May 1st so whatever, here it is. This books is a YA urban fantasy novel about a girl with a double life. She spends half her days studying art in Europe and the other half running errands for a tooth collecting wish monger. I don't want to say a whole lot more because I dont want to spoil anything important about the plot. So, I'll try to be vague. Let me start by saying this story is amazing. I loved the writing and the world. I rated it so low solely because I can't stand the two main characters and it really dragged down what would have otherwise been an amazing novel. So yeah, great book but its a preference thing. Also took points off for the insta-love but not really insta-love shit. Idk. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this read even a month later. Gonna read the second to see if maybe my hatred of the two mains was just a fluke.

3/5 Stars

Spellbound by Rachel Hawkins

⭐⭐⭐

This is the third book in the Hex Hall trilogy. Not much to say about it. It was a meh ending to an overall pretty good series. 3/5 stars. Moving on.

The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw

⭐⭐⭐

Realizing now how many of my reads this month were pretty middle of the world. Hopefully next month will be filled with 4 and 5 stars. Anyways, this book was honestly a struggle for me to finish and Im not sure why. It's a YA mystery magical realism story about a tiny coastal town that is cursed by the spirits of 3 sisters who were suspected of witchcraft and drowned 2 centuries prior. Because of this, every year the sisters return from the sea to take the lives of teenage boys by luring them to the sea. We follow the life of kind of meh and standard YA girl #1. She meets a strange non tourist boy and hires him to work in the lighthouse her family owns. Her dad randomly disappeared years ago and her mom is a loon. So yeah... I dont know. I kind of felt like this story was hot garbage in places. I usually dont have any trouble with the suspense of disbelief in magical realism stories but this one just had too many plot holes. Like, I get morbid stuff becomes tourist attractions but why wouldn't someone have stepped in and evacuated the town if at least 3 teenage boys die there EVERY SINGLE YEAR without fail? I honestly feel like the FBI or some other government agency would have cleared the place out after the first 20 or so deaths. There was also the whole MC can see the ghosts of the girls possessing people but chooses not to tell anyone? Like, I get it. You dont want people to label you a freak or think you're crazy but come the fuck on. You live in a tourist trap where people flock to watch local teenage males wash up on shore and you really think the authorities arent going to take you up on the help? It wasn't an awful book by any means. It was well written and extremely descriptive. Just had major beef with some of the details. Anyways, I wont say much more so I don't spoil the whole book.

3/5 Stars

An Enchantment of Ravens by Maragret Rogerson

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Finally, I get to talk about one of my favorite reads of the month. I love anything to do with the Fae in my YAfiction and this was literally everything I wanted in a Fae novel. It takes place in a town called Whimsy, a humanish town in the world of Faerie. The fae cannot do any Craft, or what we would consider craftsmanship. Art and humans who can do it well are very precious in this world because the Fae can't ever do it themselves. We follow the adventures of a girl who has been commisioned to paint the portrait of the Autumn King and the chaos that ensues. Let me just start by saying this is one of those insta-love situations where I feel like it's genuinely ok. I might be making excuses because I loved the title so much but whatever. It's explained and I accept it. Also, I realize that Gadfly had a lovely description but my brain willl not let me picture him as anything but Mr.Waternoose from Monsters Inc.

5/5 Stars

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

⭐⭐⭐

This book started out so good and went downhill very quickly. It follows the story of these two magicians who were fated by their Master's to one day fight to the death. There were so many things I loved about this book only for the last 100 pages to just take a firey dump on my face. I loved the setting and the majority of the characters. The supporting characters were so deep and interesting that I almost cared more about them than I did Ceilia and Marko (Im proabably wrong and I dont feel like googling but I think that was his name) . I don't know. I don't want to complain about anymore meh books.

3/5 Stars

Matched by Allie Condie

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Went into this book expecting to hate it. I usually don't like contemporary love stories but this had major City of Ember meets The Giver vibes and it just appealed to that 14 year old girl in me again. That seems to happen with a lot of dystopian utopia stories. Anyways, story is about a girl who lives in this town where when you hit a certain age you are brought to a place and told who the government has chosen for you to marry. She is matched with her life long best friend and all is well. Except that her little Get To Know Your New Husband microship thing showed her two guys instead of just one. And lots of bullshit ensues. I honestly think I rated this so high because I enjoy the world and not so much whats actually happening to the kids. Like, I loved the idea that art is harmful so the government chose 100 acceptable pieces and thats all these people know. I loved the brutality of the government in general. I can't say much more without spoiling some of the twists but geez did it have me hooked. I'm going to be started the second one soonish, though my TBR for June has gotten intense so we will see.

4/5 stars

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I cannot say enough good things about this book. It is so fucking good! Not going to rant about it or anything because y'all just need to go read it immediately.

5/5 stars

Would give it every star in the sky if Im being completely honest.

Reign of the Fallen by Sarah Glenn Marsh

⭐⭐

Got sucked into this book by the cover and honestly that was the best part of this book. Its about this world where necromancy is pretty highly regarded and used to resurrect the royals after they die. The only downside is that if a living person ever lays eyes on the resurrected person's skin then they turn into these horrible monsters. Maybe it's just me but like that absolutely does not seem worth the risk. Plus, in order to bring the person back, these reapers have to go into the death world and bring the spirit back. And it's HELLA DANGEROUS. So like, WHY? Anyways, there is this stupid underlying love story that I absolutely wasn't invested in. This just all around was not a good book.

2/5 stars

Monster High by Lisi Harrison

⭐⭐

Little known fact~ I'm obsessed with Monster High and Ever After High. So yeah, I realize this wasn't targeted to me as an adult but even going into it with an open mind I was disappointed. Granted I didn't read the description of the book prior. I just saw this franchise I love and grabbed it. First, if you are a fan of the mini series and the movies do not read this. It doesnt follow the cinematic canon and I think that was my biggest problem with it. Frankie's character was all wrong and I hated the whole"Normy" cast. Was really excited for these but I definitely won't be continuing the series. I don't even want to torture myself with seeing how they manage to ruin my sweet baby Draculara.

2/5 stars

Unhinged by AG Howard

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I can't say enough good things about this series. This is the second book in the trilogy and it was a fanatstic bridge book. It had me engrossed through the entire audiobook. Morpheus is still everything. If you loved Splintered I would highly reccomend continuing.

5/5 stars

Truthwitch

⭐⭐

Have had this on my TBR for a while because of how many Booktubers have hyped the series. Buy, was I disappointed. I was soooooooooo bored. Maybe it's because I don't really enjoy this type of fantasy or maybe it was just the slower paced story but I just slugged through this book. Both of the main female characters were bland to me and I didn't care about their friendship. The world was cool but not enough to keep me invested. Just wasn't my cup of tea.

2/5 stars

Paranormalcy by Kiersten White

⭐⭐⭐

Picked this up because of how much I loved The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein and it didn't meet my expectations. It follows this girl who works for a paranormal gorvenment group. She has a special ability that makes her really useful to them so they are trying to groom her basically. They capture this changeling and she befriends him and there is an overarching plot that I just didn't get invested in. The friendship between the two main characters was pretty much the only thing that I enjoyed in this title. The mother figure was insufferable and I just didn't really understand the whole org that they worked for in general. Not an awful book but not fantastic.

Solid 3/5 stars.

The Siren by Kiera Cass

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Going to preface this by saying I might be biased. I love Kiera Cass and have enjoyed almost everything she has written. That said, this wasn't nearly as good as The Selection series but it was a pretty good stand alone novel. It about a girl who becomes a siren on her deathbed and spends the next 100 years serving the sea by luring people to their deaths. After doing this for 70 years, she falls in love and pretty much ruins everything. Loved the characters, especially the male lead. The insta love was a little pet peeve of mine but the love interest was so sweet and genuine that I was willing to overlook it. Pretty good read if you dig supernatural romance.

4/5 stars

June holds the Ghibli-a-thon but also lots of holidays for my family so we will see how much I actually get read. So far my tentative TBR is 5 books but we will see where the days take me.

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jazzy-writes · 5 years

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An Update+A Rant

An Update

Hi! I know I haven’t made an actual post in a while and I’m sorry they’ve been extremely inconsistent. I would also like to say thank you for 50 followers! I’m so happy you found my blog and like it enough to follow me!

This post will be more of an organizational post for my wips and other projects I am working on, so I apologize if it is a little all over the place and informal.

I finally finished a wip… kinda… sorta…

This is my wip Charlotte, a short story gore series.

I wrote four parts even though it could have been six. The four parts in order are ‘Him’, ‘Her’, ‘He’, and ‘She’. He was the first part it’s the shortest at 1,000 words and I wrote it about a year ago. (which is crazy to me) At the time I thought it was really good but I reread it now and it’s poop. However, I refuse to edit it because it really shows growth, and how I've improved as a writer. Of course, I could edit it or rewrite it but I love having that... Like evidence that I am getting better and I can definitely continue to get better. Along with that ‘He’ the third part of the series, I hated after I wrote it. I thought it was atrocious and wanted to throw the whole thing away. A little while later I wanted to prove to myself that I could write something substantial that I did like. So I wrote “” it’s literally titled “” because I have no name for it. It came out as 5,000 words which is the longest ‘chapter’ or ‘short story’ I’ve ever written. (don’t judge lol) I was actually happy with it, I thought the word choice was good, the pacing was good, it seemed pretty great. However, it had absolutely no purpose. It could have been the start of a new wip but the main character was a blank sheet of paper and could have played a more side character role in the overall plot. During this time all of my other wips that had a “plot” I had absolutely no idea what to do with. I couldn’t continue anything and starting something new would just make everything more complicated.

So I took a break from writing altogether for almost three weeks, I tried to work a few things out and ended up dropping a few wips completely. The first thing I decided to work on when coming back was actually a one-shot for two of my OC's that were introduced in “”. That is Cozzy, Connor and Ozzy(or Oswyn which is his full name) but I actually liked it a lot and it reminded me of how much I enjoyed writing after being so unsatisfied with it. I finished up the Charlotte series with ‘She’ which I liked a lot actually, now before I get into other wips here are a few things I learned during and after my writing break:

Don’t compare your work to others- I know this can seem generic and simple but it’s very important to learn if you want to be remotely satisfied with your writing. You need to understand that it's YOUR writing and it won’t look like anyone else’s whether that’s based on word choice or word count. It’s good to be able to learn from others without pulling yourself down by comparison.

Understand not everyone will like your writing- I would be childish and get upset if I felt someone didn’t like my work even if they had only hinted at it. I craved validation and yes I still do but I realized that if you let that one person or few people who don’t like your writing make you upset then you aren’t writing for yourself. Which brings me to...

Write for yourself- Write what makes you happy, write when you need a release, write whenever you want to. Don’t write for someone to say it’s good, don’t write just because you want praise, write for yourself!

These things helped me become more satisfied with my work, these are the things that work for me and it might not work for everyone but you should at least try it. Back to explaining my wips:

Charlotte- I finished the four parts and it hit over 11,000 words which I am proud of. (Be proud of your work!) I am actually posting three of the parts (Not the first part because the last three parts work more cohesively together) on my wattpad account.

I have a wattpad account!

It is @CinnabonOreo

But yes I published Charlotte on there so you can go check it out, there is one extremely old wip on there that I do not like talking about but refuse to delete. If you can please go read and maybe vote, and also possibly follow me if you're feeling really generous.

I have done one full one shot for Cozzy, my Oc ship, and I’m trying to finish the second one. I’ve been putting off the ending for like a week and a half and it’s kind of sad I haven’t finished. The first (we will call them chapters for now) chapter was “Chocolate Covered Strawberries” and it’s how my Oc’s met, also it’s a college au. The first chapter is super soft and all uwu first date. The second chapter is more angsty (oof I cringed too) and a lot longer, it will probably reach 5,000 words it’s called Strawberry Scented Shampoo. There is supposed to be a fruit theme but I’m not sure what the overall name will be other than Cozzy one-shots. Anyways I have a third chapter in mind but I’m not completely sure of it yet. I want to do OC intros for Connor and Ozzy on here so watch out for that and I will probably post the first two chapters on wattpad once I figure out a name.

I have another wip idea (just a really quick short story) called Bethanne. Bethanne will be similar to Charlotte, if you haven’t seen my wip intro, Charlotte is a gore short story series. If we compare the two them, in both I’m just taking one person and applying their dynamic to certain situations. Charlotte murders in a ritualistic way, she wants to make sure beauty can only exist in a world that is not this world. Bethanne has a completely different dynamic and in short, she is a yandere… sorry. But Bethanne will probably be only one maybe two “chapters” and that’s it, just to go ahead and finish the idea since I’ve been thinking about it a lot.

Lastly, there is my poem it doesn’t have an official name yet but its theme is uneasiness in beauty, a topic I’ve been thinking about for a while. I won’t say much about it but I am auditioning to perform it at a school talent show type thing. I’m doing it as slam poetry which is very hard to do correctly so if anyone has any tips please dm me. I am very anxious since auditions are soon and it’s not completely done and I need to start rehearsing lol.

Those are all my current wips, I’m upset that I don’t have a full, plot worthy novel idea. I dropped one during my break and the other one I’m very unsure about. This was my first ever huge wip idea and I’ve had it sort of planned out for four years. I wrote the first eight chapters but that was about two years ago. (it’s not the best) I want to write and solely work on that one thing but I’m so afraid of wasting my time on something that won’t be good enough. (sorry I got all serious and shit) I like the wip idea but it needs a lot of reconstructing and I’ve tried to reconstruct it multiple times and it never really works out. I know I should write for myself (lol like I said earlier) but I’m soooooooooo afraid of wasting my time. I don’t want to give up on it because I’ve fallen in love with the idea again and again but I don’t want it to weigh me down so I’m still debating it.

Anyways if you read to the end thank you for reading my rant, I appreciate you for taking time out of your day. If you want to you can follow my wattpad and read Charlotte. Thank you!

-j.

Wattpad: https://my.w.tt/iR6DxkYnKU

Charlotte: https://my.w.tt/vnQ3se2pKU

#writeblr #writers #rant #my ocs #wip #wattpad #writing community #creative wrting #charlotte #uwu #original #writing advice

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xomadsox · 2 years

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Day 1.

So like I said in my first post. I've never had a blog or anything like it. So like anyone else would I went through options.. Well contemplated them at least. Thought about maybe a YouTube channel? No, too awkward. A TikTok? No too cliché. Facebook group? No too Suburban mom of me to do. So here we are. Me potentially spilling out things that I shouldn't but to be fair, I think its time. After years of bottling things up inside hiding away my opinions, thoughts, voice. I want to speak even if no one is there to hear me.

I guess we will talk about my day so far..?

Its currently 3:29PM and this is technically my first day working at home. And I am already having issues. My internet is out. Lucky me huh? I honestly love this job. Its the job I want to keep well until I can finally finish college. With hopes of one day becoming a Mortician or a Funeral Director... I know sounds crazy. I've always been so interested in these lines of work. I mean lets be real... someone has to do it right? I started college May of 2020 and its about to be 2022. Soooooooooo..... lets just hope I can get back in and pick up where I left off.. Long shot but hey worth a try.

Anyways, I feel so exhausted. Having 2 kids can definitely do that to you. I want a break. Don't get me wrong I love my little spawns, but I need to escape sometimes. I never really had the chance to explore things.. Explore life! Adeline Rose (my oldest age3) Is a little angel with a hint of sass. While Bailey (youngest age 2) Is full with attitude and lord knows what else. Its hard to be pretty much a single mom to try to clean the house, take care of them, cook , dr. appointments, etc. I don't know why they make it look so easy in movies or on TV. But its not don't believe them.. lol. What I was trying to say is I generally just need a break. A vacation. A chance to just kick my vans off and cuddle up in a hammock and read a Stephen King book. Or get through pages and pages of a poem book. Just something for me. I cant necessarily get help from Adeline's father because unfortunately he had taken his own life while I was 12 weeks pregnant with her. It took a few years to get through my head that it wasn't my fault. He had a rough child hood and so did I. I think that's why we connected so easily and grew together. Its hard sometimes to cope or even think right without him. I loved him and at the time it was hard to see my future without him. Shit, I still love him to this day. Its hard for me during the fall and winter. The cold breeze makes me sick to my stomach. I cant even wear a certain perfume because it was his favorite the smell of it makes me dizzy and so foggy. I put away all of his clothes and items. Because I cant bare to look at them still. Grieving is a process that I haven't quite done yet. That I wish I took time to myself. Having Adeline saved me yes, but at the same time distracted me in times I needed to cope and heal myself. I didn't believe that it had happened. I didn't want it to be true. It took months for me to realize that he's actually gone and there is nothing I can change to bring him back.

I believe that starting this blog. Will help me try to get out what I need when I need and start thinking about myself of course my sweet girls as well. Maybe It will start my process that I never got to actually acknowledge.

#new to this #processing #projects

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survivor-rotuma · 5 years

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Ep. 9: “I’m tired of not playing my own game“ - Joey

Brianna

Yknow going into this game I silently joked to myself I was gonna be the catty girl and the last girl standing but I didn’t mean it. But. That’s just how things turned out. Sorry zest.

Flint

Tribal was a bit nerve wrecking as there were some votes for me. I had suspicion I would revive some but it feels so much real when you actually see them.

Flint

I still think I’m sticking with Felix as long as I can. I’ve promised to work with him to the end and go up against him, although I know I would lose. Brianna has now approached me and wants to go to the end with me. I have also promised her the same. I think I’d have a better chance against Brianna but we’ll see what happens in the next day or two.

Lysandre

So this round's challenge is not at all cute how I imagined it to be. It is basically a freelance scavenger hunt for items that start with the letter B which is insane. I'm def gonna play my idol this round to guarantee my safety since the challenge is not at all cute. Next round I'm going to try and get Boris to use his idol on me or I use my extra vote somehow. At final 5 however, that's where all the chaos will break loose.

Lysandre

I wonder how this round is going to play out! If Apollo wins immunity then I'm gonna play my idol. I think I may play an extra vote this round if he doesn't.

Brianna

Fuck instant tribal....

Flint

What is going on?!!?! Mess of an immunity causing an instant tribal?! What a mess but what fun outcome. Time to scramble folks

Boris

WOOOOO I LOVE PUSHING FOR INSTANT TRIBALS EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING??? Like I'm fucking LIVING for this. I said I wanted to play messy and look at me go. I have an idol and an ally that hates me and another ally that wants to vote said other ally out. There's a plan in there somewhere! I'm gonna try to do something fun

Apollo

Thank god I found that idol, I don’t know if they’re coming for my ass tonight or not but all I know is that I won’t be seeing Zest on the jury, not yet at least.

joey g

So I’m tired of not playing my own game. Last round, I lost someone who really wanted to work with me, and after being open more with Apollo I’m about to lose him too: It seems like I’m getting close to jurors right before they leave, but they might be upset I didn’t do more to save him: I really want Lys out, I think they have the best connections and the best story and I’m not confident I’m in their long term plans. Maybe I should break away from Felix and try to make a move

Brianna

Okay. Here’s how this vote has shaped up I believe. Flint, Joey, Felix and lys are going for apollo. I don’t know what me and Boris are doing. And Apollo has told us he has an extra vote. Boris wants to go to rocks with a tie. But if Apollo can’t vote he can’t use his extra vote and it won’t go to rocks so...I don’t know what drugs they’re on. This game is getting down to less and less people. And I just want everyone and no one out at the same time. With Apollo lys and Felix as threats I have a plan I suppose. But Felix is immune. And Apollo wants to target lys. It just doesn’t seem possible tho so...sorry apollo

Felix

Things are crazy. Apollo wants to skate by. Lys wants Apollo gone. Boris wants to force rocks. The votes are going to be between Lys and Apollo this tribal council. Boris, Joey, and I will vote Apollo while Brianna and Flint will vote Lys. With Apollo's extra vote, he could make a tie to force rocks. Also, I hope Joey doesn't flip. He's loyal to me alone so he'll hopefully listen to my advice. I just want rocks as well since I'm safe, but OOF. This instant tribal is crazy!!

Brianna

Okay well. Found out all the drama between Apollo and lysandre and my name getting thrown out so that’s figured out. Also LYSANDRE CANT KEEP THEIR MOUTH SHUT! I talked with Joey and found out lys told him that I said his name. Luckily we were able to work something out. And we have a group to get lysandre out. Yay to getting out a threat!

Lysandre

So I'm using my idol for multiple reasons now.

1) I'm not immune this round and my name has been brought up before last round by Apollo. 2) I could theoretically play my extra vote to out vote Apollo but Boris is on crack and may force a tie so be can get those rocks. I swear he wants those rocks like they're crack or something. 3) Joey could very well flip on me. And me using the idol and not the extra vote is testing his loyalty. 4) I don't have time to go home when I have a guaranteed spot to next round in my pocket. I would rather have used it incorrectly than not at all. Its a instant round and I don't have time for mishaps.

Boris

so Lys and Felix want APOLLO out. Apollo is throwing in the towel and barely playing now. And I wanna be messy. I'm thinking of idoling Apollo and getting out Lys. Lys is OBJECTIVELY in the best position in the game, even if he's my closest ally. BUT I don't wanna lose my closest ally!! or Apollo!!! I wanna keep working with them!!

Felix

MESS! There's an alliance with Joey, Apollo, Boris, and Brianna to get Lys out. Boris is obviously not for that, but I don't know about Joey. He's being very if-fy with me. Please don't grow a brain and de-align yourself with me. I need you! Hopefully, Flint keeps his word and votes Apollo. We need those rocks now lol

Flint

Well it’s 15 minutes before tribal and I’m stuck in the split vote position. Do I go with Lys or Apollo, man this is tough.

joey g

HELL YEAH JOEY G BREAKOUT EPISODE. GET PUMPED. GET HYPED.

So I low key was feeling out apollo and suddenly the game exploded and he was targeting Lys, my main threat. I was added to a chat with him, Brianna and Boris but Boris leaked it to Felix and now he’s all pissed at me. I think since its already out there I want Lys out I have nothing to lose by going with my gut and making the move we want to make. I solidified an alliance with Flint so hopefully that will stay strong through the vote.

Lysandre

So I'm using my idol for multiple reasons now. 1) I'm not immune this round and my name has been brought up before last round by Apollo. 2) I could theoretically play my extra vote to out vote Apollo but Boris is on crack and may force a tie so be can get those rocks. I swear he wants those rocks like they're crack or something. 3) Joey could very well flip on me. And me using the idol and not the extra vote is testing his loyalty. 4) I don't have time to go home when I have a guaranteed spot to next round in my pocket. I would rather have used it incorrectly than not at all. Its a instant round and I don't have time for mishaps.

Lysandre

The extra vote is for if Boris still wants to force rocks. He would get what he wants if I idol and they vote Joey oh wait.. joey would go home. But if I extra vote its a tie...

Brianna

Sure do hope I’m not voted out

Felix

I am loving this! the idols? The revote? The rocks? And no one I care about is in danger soooooooooo WIG!

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just-kiss-me-you-fool-hehe · 5 years

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new year reunion weekend ✨

it was the most amazing weekend to get to see my buddy and have soooooooooo much good quality time with him

its the most amazing feeling in the world to be in an apartment and know that the other person is someone who you want to spend every minute with and share every thought with; it was so fun to mess around and watch tv and cook and create random things and go to the gym and have someone that will do all of those things with you <3

kirill did all of the grocery shopping for our empty fridge when he came over and brought me really cute flowers !!!

we kissed and hugged and did really cute things and then things got super hot and we started making out and had sex but i felt really uncomfortable in my post holiday desserts body and so the sex was kinda strange for me i just didnt remember what it felt like to be hot and then i dont know how he did or why he did it even though hes done it before but he just laid down on the couch with me and told me all about how cute i am and how much he loves each and every part of me; its just so crazy because i genuinely forgot how to do things and how i felt when we were in bed together and he just talked to me for a long time and then we napped together in my bed and then i doodled on my bullet journal feeling super grateful to have in my life like i definitely severely underestimate how much of a boost he creates in my every day self confidence i really dont know what i did to deserve him

anyway we went to the gym and worked out together and it was so fun to actually have a buddy not just someone who goes at the same time and then we showered together and watched tv while we waited for our pad kee mao and then devoured it as soon as it was delivered along with the mango sticky rice :P

the next day we actually woke up on time to go to work except for the fact that we were in our couch bed with our bare legs tangled up and feeling super frisky so we got some fireworks there and still got to work at 11! it was so fun getting ready together for the first day of the year and i got to wear my camo jacket for the first time so we matched and he was so pleased and i was stressed about my bra making my boobs look too big which was a fun and (f)risky conversation to have on our way to work ahahaha

we got home and went to mitchs place for smoothie delivery and watch unboxing and it was fun to chills and then went to his place to redo/undo/redo his iphone sync he was such a jumble of ideas and emotions it was funny to watch him speak and i also got the pink snuggie and just hung out watching my own videos in his room

then we finally walked to apple store and got really fun cute looks on the way there and then we were making out and then he says “ok baby im gonna see you in 20 mins” cause we were making out as if we werent going to see each other in a couple days ahaha

i remember walking down the streets feeling so content and seeing the lights of sf and it just felt so warm and cozy to feel so loved in a city that i love walking alone on a fun night; anyway we came home and cooked cauliflower and potato curry and made swausages and it was fun to do everyday things with him

saturday day i went to barre and trader joes and muji with mitch which was super fun and it was just an amazing feeling to come home to a person thats ready to kiss you :D idk its just really nice to make egg and avocado salad with the sesame seasoning !!! and it was nice to have him console me about the eggs not being fully cooked

the afternoon was amazing because we sat in our couch bed and read our books together !!! we read for a long time but i only got through ten pages because i was reading becoming which feels strange because michelle and barack feel like kirill and i for some reason and we talked about all the things i write in my books and he told how amazing it is that im smart and thoughtful and observant and he always wants to know what im thinking and writing about and i literally died inside

i was just in my happy place with the two of our reading on my couch and then eventually he had 15 mins left of his chapter and i was like can we read those later bc i wanna do other things and we had amazing sex i freaking love this couch because it has seen many great times and it was so fun to have sex in the middle of the day and i was def so turned on and there were stains on the sheets from me oh my jesus

so we fell asleep after making really good fruit salad and basically went the whole day just having eaten the tiny egg salad and tried to make oatmeal while kirill fed me chicken from the leftover pad kee mao and got kinda sad that that it was steel cut oats but idk for some reason he just made me less sad than i was and the oatmeal turned out pretty good!

“you know whats really fun this colander sits perfectly across the sink for putting berries in to dry“ “im really happy that thats really fun for you baby”

we ate some of our leftovers in the evening and watched more episodes of the final table and started getting really into in it after a couple of episodes and crossing our fingers and toes for our fave teams to not get cut and it was just so fun to hold onto his finger as we were waiting to see results, it was fun watching a cooking show with him because it felt like something we could do forever; also it was fun to talk about jokes like the rooster came first and finding the ghee spot is hard haha

it was hilarious cause we talked about how wild it is that we still talk about how wild it is that were together !

its also funny because if anyone heard our conversations they would be like what is this they talk about hydration police and bunnies and fruits and fruit salads what is this

he complimented me on having a nice back and nice elbows and nice feet and nice corners of my mouth and its wild bc those are compliments i have never received before !!! and when i told him this he was like “well theyre all missing out” and i was just :DDDDD anyway he said the same thing when i complimented his hands and his feet

we made chia seed pudding with berries and flax seeds and it was super cute because he ate exactly what i was eating on whole30 even though there was bread in the fridge for him1! we watched kalen allen and richard ayoade and talked about how fun it is to understand the things that the other person likes

we slept super late but then woke up kinda early anyway and then i took off my pants cause it was really hot and got into the same blanket and then i took my shirt cause it was really hot too with some help from kirill covering me up with lots of blankets to speed up the process hahaha i had a wad of dollar bills to use for premium services to i gave one of them to him and things were just insanely hot this morning and i was so turned on that my orgasm was just insane and as soon as it happened i told him that he could have all my singles it was amazing; as is probably obvious i was basically screaming and moaning this whole time and one of our neighbors actually knocked on the door and asked “are you okay?” and it was hilarious and i was mortified but it was still hilarious a definite first !!!

by the end of the weekend, like this morning on sunday, i felt so sexy again! it was really all because he managed to make me feel beautiful in the course of a few hours and days its wild

i just love how fun life is when he’s around, even though i try to capture all the fun things that we did together the best part of being with him is just being with him because everything is fun and everything is funny and even if its not its better with him; love you my buddy <3

#personal #kl7

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gallifreylove · 7 years

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i watched it live but then i immediately had to leave so now i’m rewatching and commenting

ellie being cute like always

hardy looks so small without his jacket on

but also isn’t daisy 18? i know she’s still in school but technically she’s an adult unless she’s 17 who tf knows i’ve given up on trying to make sense of time (but also, i’m not crazy right, laura 100% said “june 2nd, it was a saturday” right???)

it was so weird going from the lightness of ellie stealing food off of hardy’s plate (so cute) to mark being in the hospital

just thinking about chloe having to deal with that the rest of her life, being the last one he talked to, have him actually saying “there’s nothing left” like ugh

honestly can i just say how much i enjoy how comfortable the relationship between ellie and hardy is compared to when they first met its truly amazing and i love it the most

maggie is an underrated gem too: “please tell me you’re not the future”

and now we come to that part: a father’s rage

“and i win”

i was so taken aback by his iconic line and i was not expecting it i thought at first “i will find you...” and then maybe he’ll say “and kill you” but then he said “...and cut...” and i thought jugular/neck?, and then he finished his line and i almost had a heart attack

god and then he rips up the ticket? (i know this will come later but then ellie’s like “you took my advice” and then he says “i’m too nice to people” and she’s like ”...”)

so much of this series is ellie taking control and hardy in the background and i love it soooooooooo much

jodie whittaker is beautiful

omg i didn’t even notice on first watch but when ellie says “i keep thinking of [cath’s] face when we took him away, she didn’t even look surprised” and hardy’s look and everything she’s been through

i liked the scene where cath goes to them to hand in evidence, it was so delightfully awkward at the start

omg so my internet cut out when maggie talks to caroline about not publishing and i’m so sad i missed it the first time

it also might have helped my understanding to see leah typing furiously on her laptop to try to organize the event that took place later

but now i get the “miller, have you seen this, all over the local social media” line

i find it funny that suspects always have so many secrets which is what allows the investigation to go on so long because they withhold information, idk if this happens in real life but it happens way more often in broadchurch, fitting for it’s tag line “a town wrapped in secrets”

daisy and chloe are so cute though

ellie was fully prepared to tell hardy what a dilf was

how is there only 1 episode left. one. i’m jealous of those who get to watch live bc i know it’s going to be a whirlwind

#broadchurch #broadchurch spoilers

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