#Hi I still write I'm still alive | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

deiaiko · 3 months

Text

#19.3 Unravel

It had been some time since Agni felt this nervous. Not even talking with Jinsung Ha recently had made him feel like this. He fiddled with the mask on his hand as he waited for Grace to come back. He had thought hard on how to deliver the news, but he knew that no matter how he phrased it, Grace would be upset. Velt nuzzled under his palm and Agni gave her a few pats, before deciding that she would be better inside her bowl in his lighthouse, just in case the shinsu acted up around Grace after he received the news.

Grace came back wearing the comfiest shirt and shorts Agni knew Grace liked to wear on lazy days. He joined him on the floor, and they ate dinner together. Agni always finished last, so while waiting for him to finish his meal, Grace told him about his day with Bam. Grace was intrigued by how much his way of thinking had changed, and how glad he was to be able to be by Bam's side when he was having a bad day. It reminded Agni of the hidden floor, when Grace faced his sworn enemy.

They left the used bowls on the coffee table and went to brush their teeth. Afterwards, they turned off the light and went upstairs to sit on their bed. Grace's curious gaze never left him, and Agni curled his feet nervously.

Grace was the one who broke the silence. "So…what is it?"

Agni's breath hitched. This was the part he dreaded most. "I talked with the crocodile earlier. Did you know that he could manipulate stone already?"

"Huh." Grace needed a few seconds to let the information sink in. "Didn't Rak learn it on the Hell train? How does he know it?"

"Turns out our crocodile also traveled back to the past like us. He found the young crocodile and taught him."

"What?!" Grace gasped, wide eyed. "That means our Rak is–!!"

"He's dead." Agni quickly snuffed out that hope. They had been in delusion for long enough; it was time that they faced the bitter truth. "He suffered a fatal injury from the explosion. He couldn't have lasted long without proper help." Agni omitted the actual cause for Rak's death, but still kept his words true. "I'm sorry."

"…Oh." Grace looked lost, just like Agni was. His lips parted a little, but they closed before any sound escaped.

Agni gently squeezed Grace's hand, encouraging and comforting as he let the silence stretch on, giving Grace some time to process the information.

"Agni…" Grace whispered, "do you think Hatz and Isu…?"

Agni bit his lip and avoided his gaze, as the nightmare of that day replayed in his mind. He witnessed Hatz get his arms ripped off when trying to protect him. He could still recall the clang of a sword hitting the floor, and Hatz's suppressed scream that gnawed deep at his guilt. He witnessed Isu get beheaded after being taken hostage, the memory of warm blood painting them both still vivid like it happened yesterday.

Agni refused to acknowledge their possible deaths, because it felt like a nightmare that one day he could hopefully wake up from. He avoided the topic when Grace brought it up, so he wouldn't have to say it aloud and make it real. He had been so hard on himself, because he couldn't get rid of the feeling that he had failed Grace and everyone else involved.

Agni knew this had to change if he wanted to live better, now that they had gotten a second chance. So he swallowed down the lump in his throat that had built up over the years and asked mostly to himself; "What are the odds of their survival?"

"There's always a chance–"

"Grace." Agni looked him straight in the eye. "They were already severely injured before the explosion hit."

Grace fell silent and went still.

Agni felt a pang of guilt upon witnessing Grace's reaction. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap." Agni fiddled with his hands. He realized that he didn't know how much Grace knew of what happened. "My scar…do you know how I got it?"

"I…was told it was from the family heads' battle." Grace looked thoughtful. Agni knew he was trying to be careful with his words. "A stray attack?"

"It could have been worse." The memory of the scorching heat on his skin felt like it had only happened yesterday. He passed out right when he was about to heal Isu, and only found out later that he also lost sweetfish at that time. The days he spent recovering from the burn, to withstand the excruciating pain every second he was conscious, and finally coming to terms that it'd be a permanent scar, was one of the turning points that had changed him forever. Were Grace not there to care for him, he might have ended up destroying himself even more.

Agni hadn't realized he had his left hand clawing on his cheek until Grace pried his hand off and frowned, "You're doing it again."

"Maybe I should wear the mask…" Agni muttered to himself. After all, Grace gave it to him less so he could hide the scar but more to prevent him from unconsciously hurting himself. The only time he could safely take it off was when Grace was around.

Agni bit his lip nervously when Grace didn't reply. He no longer had the courage to look Grace in the eye that spoke so much concern, so he leaned close and rested his head on Grace's chest. "Rak, Isu, Hatz and Hwaryun were trying to get me out of that damned place. But we were caught while escaping, and…it was a bloodbath. I was…too occupied to react to the incoming heat. Rak shielded us from the explosion. And when I woke up…"

"They weren’t with you," Grace finished it for him after Agni trailed off a moment too long.

Agni nodded dazedly, "I've been telling myself that they're still alive, after a blow that could kill rankers. But…who am I kidding? I was lucky enough to survive with just this little–" Agni vaguely pointed to himself– "inconvenience."

Agni felt a hand gripping his arm, and he pulled away to see Grace looking at him with a pained expression. His eyes were glossy and his lips were pulled into a thin line. Trusting his instinct, Agni reached out to gently trace and cup Grace's cheek with his free hand.

"I'm sorry," Agni muttered. "I'm sorry, for not telling you sooner."

Agni silently witnessed tears that streamed down on his love's face. It was a bitter sight that Agni wished he'd never have to see again, that he had tried to avoid for so long by not telling him. He pulled Grace in and held him close to his chest, as if Agni was trying to gather his own crumbled heart back together.

Grace mumbled their late best friends' names as he held onto him tighter, shaking from each breath he took between sniffles.

Agni felt his own eyes sting with unshed tears. He remembered the years he spent climbing the tower together with his old team. Despite their banter being his source of headaches, Agni knew he too had come to acknowledge them as his cherished friends. Only when they were gone did Agni realize how much he'd miss having them around. Seeing the younger them didn't exactly close the gaping hole in his heart, but at least the emptiness was more filled.

Agni squeezed Grace tighter. "We have their younger selves with us now. We will protect them better this time."

Grace only nodded and sank further into his embrace. And Agni planted kisses on his hair, relishing the thought that after everything he had gone through, Grace was still a constant in his life. As long as he had him, everything would be okay.

When Grace started shaking again, Agni caressed his hair and hummed a comfort song they had known by heart. Still, it didn't make falling asleep any easier for Agni, especially not after admitting that his nightmare was very much real. However, as he had been through grief…this, too, would pass.

Masterlist

Let me know your thoughts in the reblogs <3

☕ Buy me coffee ☕

#Whee we get to know some of their past. Specifically their turning point #I hope it flows nicely because i have rewritten this like 3 times now 😭😭😭 dialogues are just not my specialty #like how to make them reveal such information without making them come out of the blue #writing style aside. let's talk about why Agni behaves this way #I will save the details on the what and how for the prologue. but basically Agni had been through hell that he couldn't escape alone #Rak Hatz and Isu saved him (or attempted to). and Agni owed them for saving his life. thus the strong attachment that Khun doesn't have #also let me mention that Agni had trouble differentiating between hallucination and reality after the incident. So he was kind of in denial #maybe Agni had come to a conclusion that they might be dead months after that. but he was too afraid to admit it to Grace #because he thought it was partly his fault for being incompetent. and Grace would hate him for letting their friends die #not wanting to risk being left by Grace. he just put himself (and inevitably Grace too) in the illusion of truth #that there's still a chance their friends are still alive because they have no proof of their deaths #so when Agni was offered to go back to the past. he agreed to it. Already expecting that Rak Hatz Isu aren't the same ones that he looks fo #but it was as good as he could get to redeem himself. Plus they get to meet everyone else who they couldn't save #Anyway. I'm taking hiatus until April. In return I will answer if you have any questions whether it is written in the tags or sent via ask #see ya folks <3 we'll get more brothers and team bonding when I return #tower of god #tog #two sides of the same coin fic #my fic #my art #bam #25th bam #jue viole grace #khun #khun aguero agnis #khunbam #shibisu #ship leesoo #rak wraithraiser #hatz

46 notes · View notes

iirulancorrino · 1 year

Text

Ok the photo of Salman in today’s New Yorker profile, as well as the one he just posted to twitter, are going to make me tear up.

#I'm so glad he's doing ok. and by ok I mean alive and cogent #him talking in the article about how he hasn't really been able to write since the attack really got me #and I am once again moved by how more than anything he still seems to want to talk about his work #his new book comes out tomorrow and I'm excited to read it

88 notes · View notes

nemesis-is-my-middle-name · 10 days

Text

having shrimp emotions abt the end of shb again

#the nemesis speaks #swift plays ff14 #ffxiv spoilers #for the tags i'm sure i'll say something spoiler-y here #anyways AAAHGUGH.... wailing sobbing etc...#the way you fight HADES and not emet-selch at the end...#the way it's a climactic epic clash and a battle over the right to history #but it's ALSO the two of you kicking and screaming against an end that seems inevitable #his facade falling away piece by piece bc it's been so long and he's so tired and WHY DOES IT STILL HURT SO MUCH #AND WHY WON'T YOU JUST LET HIM WIN! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE-#and he's so ANGRY at you for daring to 1) exist and 2) not side with him #the fact that he was friends with azem AND venat and they're both dead or functionally dead now #and you are alive and you carry their legacy and you DARE to keep defying him. (THEY keep defying him.)#it's best for everyone. he wants them back. why won't they let him fix it.#he's ssooooooo.#and then ardbert i could write a whole second fucking tag essay about HIM. everything to me.#anyway. i cannot in good conscience tell anyone to play shb bc you have to slog through a lot of ''just okay'' mmo content to get there #and also it spensive kinda #but WAUGH i wish ppl saw my VISION

6 notes · View notes

blade-that-was-broken · 1 month

Note

Needless to say after that end conversion there is going to be to some awkward conversions in the future. I mean how do you recover from someone acknowledging that

I'm going to guess you mean the one towards the end of "Moment to Be Real" with JD knowing where his brothers were and that whole... depressing conversation. It's possible they might talk about it but also possibly unlikely as well?

Maybe they talk about it, maybe they don't. JD would have very little intention on starting up that conversation, for sure. He didn't want to have it in the first place. If it eats them up alive, yeah, then they'd have to talk about it. If they are able to put it in the past and shift that mindset as they learn about the new people that they are now, they might not really have to talk about it because that sort of "change" would be pretty palpable.

I think you recover by trying to be better; to try and shift your mindset so that something like that wouldn't happen. They have been angry at one another for twenty years and most of that time was mostly just petty grudges for far too long. They were all dumb kids when they left and none of their actions - JD's or otherwise - were done out of malice.

It's moving forward and trying to become a family again with all of your family. They are adults now, they know themselves better now and who they are now. Clay's not the goofy little kid doing dumb pranks anymore. Bruce is a dad and very into what he does, very different than he used to be. Even JD - both in my au and in canon - is not the same person that he was when he left. So they learn about each other, learn to love one another again and this time with more of an ability to understand their own feelings as well as other's actions.

They've got work to do both in themselves and their relationships with one another but it isn't entirely lost.

#ask #I'm still here au #I think no one is giving any one of them much credit #JD probably would have told them in a bad way not that he's stupid but he blames HIMSELF #which would make it easier for his brothers to be more upset with him #I think given a bit more time #he probably would have told them #at least if someone had worked with him to tell him and help him learn that it wasn't his fault #but luckily they are both alive so it works out #and this is because I like happy endings and I don't really write major character deaths #sorry not sorry

8 notes · View notes

navree · 2 years

Text

it’s about lemony processing his grief over jacques’s death even as he prepares it for public consumption. it’s about lemony describing his own brother’s death. it’s about lemony who has been telling this story through the baudelaire’s eyes having himself bleed into it as he describes the death of his brother. it’s about knowing lemony likely found out the nitty gritty of it through his research. it’s about lemony losing his brother. it’s about lemony losing control of the narrative for just a second.

#personal #asoue #lemony snicket #snicket siblings #this fucking man i swear to god #that other post about kit got me thinking about this so i went back to find out exactly what he did when describing jacques's death #the way he's described as being tucked in for a nap...........god #and like i said lemony tries to keep things to the baudelaire's when he's not injecting his separate thoughts into the story #but during the actual narration he doesn't really do this kind of editorializing sort of thing #but here we have him outright and bluntly telling us that he wants more than anything to be able to say jacques is still alive #that his brother - the brother who protected him the brother who played games with him - his BROTHER is still alive #but he's not and he has to let people know and he has to write it down #it's so insane that the snickets were actual characters #and we had to read about them being killed while being told the story by their surviving sibling #that's so fucked up why would anyone do this in a fucking kids' series!!!!#daniel handler i am in your walls i am here and i have things i need to yell at you about #(like i mean i love it i love the story but fucking christ man i'm so sad)(

129 notes · View notes

serenanymph · 6 months

Text

find the word tag

tagged by @space-writes over here, with the words gentle, subtle, ample, and substantial. gonna tag uhhh @halfbit, @faytelumos, @writingamongther0ses, @lyssa-ink and @reneesbooks with the words silence, section, shallow and shatter!

gentle

Iri drops the man back onto the ground, and Beatriz stares at the spike dissolving into the soil with a hiss, turning it black and gooey. There’s a layer of dust hovering above the ground, kicked up from all of the commotion, and she barely has the presence of mind to guide in a gentle breeze, clearing the area so they won’t launch into a coughing fit mid-battle. Any moment now, the Noxx will be coming, but all she can do is stare at the man. The man who had just used the same kind of magic Noxx possess.

subtle (surprisingly this came from the most recent paragraph, though written when I was half-asleep so it makes less sense than usual. does this count as a last line tag I have way too many of those in my drafts)

She plunks the sole chunk of lirstone they have left in the center. The light throws stretching, malformed shadows onto the surrounding walls, paints everyone’s faces in pale, washed-out grey that almost makes them look ghostly. The tunnel stretches before them, winding and dark and no different from every other tunnel they’d passed through. They’d been sticking to the larger ones, the ones that sloped upwards, in the hopes of finding another exit, but she can barely notice any change. She hopes it’s just because of how subtle the transition had been; not because they’ve been going in circles.

no ample, but I did find one instance of plenty

“He’s a kid,” Icarus says. “He’s the same age as us,” she retorts. “That’s plenty old enough to make a decision like this, especially when you’re half Beast. Hell, look at Crys – he’s had anti-Beast values drilled into him since he was a kid. Didn’t stop him from seeing you like an actual person and helping you,” Rhyme points out, though her expression is a little sour. “But the Witchhunter’s Mutt? You saw what went down just now. He hates your bloody guts.”

substantial

Around her, magic flares – Icarus – tugging at the wind, too panicked to actually do anything substantial save for generate a weak breeze, grip dulled by his scattered focus and the fact that he’s currently struggling not to start flipping head over heels.

taglist (lmk if you want to be +/-): @deer-in-headlights-stare, @allianaavelinjackson, @arctic-oceans, @space-writes, @reneesbooks

11 notes · View notes

citnamora · 6 months

Text

I'm reading the Raggedy Ann book series written and illustrated by Johnny Gruelle. Yesterday I watched Raggedy Ann and Andy: A Musical Adventure. Immediately after, I stayed up watching Raggedy Ann: The Musical Adventure [the bootlegs of the show that were previously lost media(?) from what I recall].

...I think I have a new hyperfixation, LOL.

#raggedy ann #raggedy andy #raggedy ann and andy #raggedy ann & andy: a musical adventure #raggedy ann and andy: a musical adventure #raggedy ann the musical adventure #hi hello I'm a little less than midways through the second book but I really really like the whimsical light hearted writing style #there's a charm to the books that keeps me reading for hours at a time. if I read this as a kid it would have fundamentally changed me #the whole aspect of the dolls being alive and mature but silly and still a bit childish is super cute #and the fact the dolls can communicate with animals too. like. it's such an interesting idea. I really love these books so far #the sibling relationship in the movie was so so sweet. then seeing them in the musical was jarring LMAO #also just the music and the characters and the ANIMATION AGGHGGHH. I am in pieces #also oh my gosh can. can we talk about raggedy ann and raggedy andy having the same painted smile. meeting again fifty years later #AUGH.#these books are just nothing but fluffy and fun and I LOVE IT

10 notes · View notes

graveposting · 5 months

Text

now that i'm no longer suffering from being very sick for an entire week. i want to maybe write another tcoaal fic but also i've been really wanting to write a completely different and unrelated (original) thing about weird poison-induced incest and dragons, this is a time conflict problem...

#it was partially inspired by fever dreams #hi i'm still alive #gravemumbling #if i do end up writing the other thing i will probably not post it here #maybe on my main tho #since this blog is for tcoaal fandom things

10 notes · View notes

once-was-muses · 4 months

Text

[ struggling to get anything done tonight. Thinking too hard about John. And Bro'Dee as always. Bro'Dee/Four Corpsmen polycule when ]

#They Pull the Strings : OOC #nsfvv #[ <- your only warning ]#[ the only way in which Dee Cee can atone for doing Bro'Dee so dirty since literally his first appearance- ]#[ is to let me write a full length issue of Guy/Hal/John&Kyle blowing his back out then just vibing together ]#[ except that'd mean I'd have to write something longer than a starter for the first time in months and ew ]#[ let my alien fishman get some. or just appear on panel for longer than 3 pages for the first time in over 5 years now I think ]#[ I was originally gonna be nasty here in the tags but now I'm ranting about my woes of being the only Bro'Dee fan still alive ]#[ fucking. he has three holes and two hands. and an extremely sensitive prehensile head-tail. kachow ]

6 notes · View notes

putuponpercy · 2 years

Photo

“What are you two doing? Get out of there!” snapped the blue No.2 engine. Edward tried to alert his driver of the strange men that had entered his cab by whistling, but before he could utter a single “Peep!” he felt a foreign hand flip a particular lever, one usually reserved only for emergency.

The manual override.

Edward was locked out of his own controls.

All at once, Edward found himself hurtling forwards, going faster and faster along the line against his will. “Please - the passengers! You’re going to cause an accident!”

His pleas fell on deaf ears as Knapford Station soon came into view and to Edward’s horror, the path set in front of him lead straight into the back of a stationary goods train. The engine desperately tried again and again to apply his breaks, but with the override in place doing so was futile.

“Look out!” he cried out as loud as he could, seconds before colliding into the break van in front of him. Shrapnel flew in all directions. Edward felt himself rise and fall, followed by an awful squealing pain all along his side, momentum carrying his body across the platform leaving nothing in its wake.

Luckily no one was hurt…

That’s what the children’s stories used to say, right?

Perhaps it was the brief silence as everything finally ground to a halt, that allowed Edward the false hope that maybe, just maybe, this would be like those stories.

Then there was a blood-curdling scream.

Followed by another.

And several, horrified, more.

100 notes · View notes

midnightwind · 7 months

Text

thinking about dnd vampire lore because of course I am and I am Losing My Mind over how normal food works for them

like they drink wine so they can clearly process some foods (or I guess consider wine Worth It for whatever fall out it may cause) and pretty boy mentions liking steak as rare as can be so it sounds like raw meats work well enough too

if they eat a normal meal, does it just sit in their stomach and slowly rot if they don't puke it back up later? like not being able to eat anything a normal human can would make hiding the whole vampire thing way harder, so from a narrative point it feels more fun and fulfilling to either make them have to get rid of it later or just be sick once their body finishes trying and failing to digest it

AND ANOTHER THING not having a heartbeat or breathing also makes covering up the undead thing super hard so like, they gotta have something in place there right, I know fake breathing is probably easy enough to pull off but

I personally like subscribing to the whole "a well fed vampire has a very, very faint heartbeat and warmth to them" and that they all do actually need to breathe to talk because otherwise how would the vocal cords work, but they can stop breathing otherwise especially if they just straight forget to outside of conversing

but also like little vestiges of being mortal linger so maybe they still get out of breath from running or laughing because their body remembers even if it doesn't need it, maybe because they've spent so long back with the living they're reclaiming the little useless pieces that scream they're alive still, even in these small ways

and also what about rest? maybe they don't need to at all unless they're constantly over exerting themselves and/or getting hurt, but like imagine your buddy who seems a little sickly laying down to sleep and just not breathing and there's no heartbeat, homie is a corpse, but they wake up when you nudge them and get annoyed you're bothering them but then right back to corpse land, how do you deal with that lmao

#listen i did this song and dance over 10 years ago with personal vampire lore #i settled on them still needing human food but also blood because vampire blood consumes itself otherwise #and that worked great!#but now I'm writing about the wet dog vampire in the video game and my rules won't work because WotC have Some in place already #but not enough to spare me this shit #anyways imagine Astarion being very bad at faking being alive for the first few weeks in camp #because he just isn't used to playing pretend for more than a few hours #but he slowly becomes more human as the adventure goes on #slowly remembers how it feels to breathe or sleep or eat #to have a heartbeat and warmth in his veins #imagine him reclaiming the little joys of living #wouldn’t that be beautiful?

10 notes · View notes