Mark Pennington, "Frag Viper" Unproduced early design (1986 Hasbro)

my toxic trait is having one good game with a character and thinking im amazing with them

What i feel about you based on your main agent (bad edition)

I will write the requests but i am in my writerblock era so hoping this will cure it. Love u all <33

Brimstone

Please stop smoking our entrance when we are the attackers please i beg you.

You never speak nor listen. We all know your mic and the whole team is either muted or you are basically deaf.

I have never seen a child play him so you are old. I mean old old. Like a dad or smth

Chamber

The chamber nerfs are a delusion you suck either way

Stop spending your whole 800 credit to a pistol that you will forgot for the rest of the game.

"I was in my prime before chamber nerfs guyss!!🤓🤓" Yea yea we get it.

Chyper

Can you stop saying "I kNoW eXAcLY wHErE U ArE" for five seconds?

You cannot aim so you place a setup that is unbreakable to attackers and letting your traps do all the work for you. How smart. (Thats me)

Cannot do shit when the last one left. You get one or two kills with your trap and u die middle of the round.

Deadlock

Stop placing sensors to our back, trying to hold the backsite but enemy can slow walk and bypass you u know? Then you be raging "I PuT a SeNSoR ThErE"

Istg if i get tangled down by your c one more time im gonna ragequit.

Your ult never gets anyone yet there is the whole five of the enemy team.

Fade

Your prowler shows no one, girl. Stop throwing it at the start of the round.

Stop trying to control your c you are losing so much time and its gonna get no one.

Ult when your team is near PLEASE. Its no effective if you are by yourself and scream "FACE YOUR FEAR" bcs you are the one that will be facing it.

Iso

No one mains iso.

Stop smurfing. Its no fun.

Go back to your own league. You coward.

Jett

You are a little child screaming into mic bcs you dashed forward to enemy and died.

Stop sitting onto the keyboard and actually aim maybe you'll get a kill.

Play with the team once. (I hate you with my whole heart)

Kay/o

You either never use your flashes or you blind just your teammates.

Your ult doesnt makes you undying you know? Stop running towards to the enemy like its new paradise.

The most avarage player. Middle fragging the whole game.

Killjoy

Just gives the info, maybe gets one or two kills because of the stupid dasher enemy jett and dies.

That turret be doing no damage if its on your team but be dealing 50+ if its on the enemy team.

Dont just sit there and wait FUCKING ROTATEEEE

Omen (my main)

Stop using c and teleport mid fight. Its no chamber tp or yoru tp. It takes time to teleport and takes time to handle the gun. You are going to die.

That blind hit no one. Stop being delusional and do not push. You are going to die.

If you do not know how to put a smoke when you close the 'astra' mode, do not. Place it slowly if requires. And again, if you dont do it fast enough, you are going to die.

Phoenix

STOP TROLLING YOUR TEAMMATES WITH YOUR MOLLY AND WALL ISTG I HATE YOU

That flash will hit you. It doesnt matter if the phoenix is on the enemy team or on your team. Or worse, both.

You are not that bad, you just need some humanity.

Sage

I hate you if you are an egirl that instalocks sage just to be a pocket sage to your eboy that plays reyna like reyna cannot heal herself. Stop. Also stop talking. Your voice irritates me.

Her voicelines are so unnecessary. Especially the ones at the start of the round.

We all know you are on top of your wall that closes mid. Dont peak. Also, stop throwing slows to OUR entrance.

Sova

Nobody is going to do anything about your arrow that you throw at the start of the round and showed three or four people. The team will still push. Stop trying to learn freaky arrows and waste your time.

Shock dart kill? What is that?

This agent is not friendly for beginners. Stop making your friends that just started the game play sova. They will show no information for you. Even being a pocket sage is better than a new-starter sova.

Viper

Its ok if you do not have linups. But if you do, then we all know that you havent touch the grass for a looong time and you probably smell like her ult. Please shower.

She be no mommy to you. She is kind of woman that rejects chamber, what made you think that she will even let you look at her way?

"Last player standing"

Yoru

Like kay/o. That flash is here only to blind you. Not the enemy.

Taking the spike and going to another site, saying you'll be back to us then will die and make it drop at the farest site possible. Either stop taking the spike or dont do this shit.

You either bottom frag or top frag. There is no in between. And you are probably 12-13 years old.

Astra

I have never seen someone mains, even plays astra.

So i have nothing to say. Im so sorry :(

Your smokes looks pretty tho. Keep it up!

Breach

You are a man that cannot stand woman. If a woman says anything bad about you, you will blind them, hit them with all of your abilities and do whatever it takes to make them unable to play the game. (Totaly not single-handed experience)

I hate your abilities. Very much.

I do not have any good experience about someone that plays this agent. Not a single one. I will dodge the game if someone picks breach no joke.

Gekko

Your molly is useless. I have seen once maybe twice that it kills somebody.

You have so much potential with wingman when you are the last one standing but wingman is the last thing that comes to your mind. Use it.

Why tf that trash is pickable and usable more than once??? Why?? (You are a nice person tho. Cannot move on without saying it.)

Harbor

Players that plays harbor are no joking. They are not here to learn the agent. They MAIN main him. But that doesnt makes a difference because this agent is close to useless.

Tbh he could have been my main if his abilities were a bit more versatile. Its just smoke and smoke. All about closing the sight of enemy. So fucking boring.

I bet if harbor was a girl, there will be so much people that would play him. Either way, he is boring.

Neon

Stop running and jumping around like an autistic.

You will never be able to nail those neon edits that you saw on tiktok. You look like an idiot while running towards enemy and dying first.

I hate her ult.

Raze

You are a child. A problematic one indeed.

Probably siblings with jett mains.

I bet even i could do better satcheling than you. (i have never played raze)

Reyna

I have no words.

Stop instalocking her. You are no useful.

Either top frag and smurf or bottom frag because your friends said that she is strong and you should play her. (0/11 powerspike. Yasuo of valorant.)

Skye

Just like kay/o and yoru. But that flash will hit the whole 10 that plays the game.

PLEASE HEAL I BEG YOU YOU HAVE HEAL PLEASE PRESS C PLEASEEEEEEE

Deserved nerfs tbh.

a compilation of my pricefield headcanons on twitter bc i feel so normal abt them i need to spread these brainrot like it's the bible

just read an hc that max likes playing with chloe's bracelets. what if she fidgets with them whenever she's anxious too and chloe knows this that's why she keeps wearing more of them. chloe changes them up sometimes but would always keep the one max plays with the most

max definitely does the tiny pinching the back of their shirt thing to chloe whenever they're walking together but not in a cute anime girl way, moreso in a keeping chloe from doing chaotic shit in public way

funny shit abt chloe is she knows behind max's act of indifference, she gets jealous easily. chloe's just more loud about hers. so whenever other people flirts with chloe she just straight up makes out with max in front of them like what happened to hello? how r u? ? my name is?

other than polaroids max would also randomly give chloe rocks when they were kids and chloe kept every single one. years later max grew up to be a crystal collector she has a big ass amethyst tower in her room

chloe is shit at videogames. she plays valorant and is unfortunately a bot frag regular (viper main of course) also she never really grew out of her strategy in fighting games which is basically just press all the button until something explodes. max on the other hand is an absolute god in video games despite not giving a shit about instructions and meta she could still somehow carry the whole team in multiplayers and provide the highest damage when fighting bosses

as much as i love the idea of chloe putting a bow on her pussy or smth as her bday/xmas gift to max i think she'd also be the type to do cheesy shit like taking max to 27 different picture worthy places or drawing the both of them as characters in max's favorite video game or show

max doesn't reply for two minutes and suddenly chloe's doing thirst traps to cope

2022 pricefield would have the noteit app and would send each other notes and pics everyday to display as a widget on their phone. max would often send sunset or nature pics and cute selfies while chloe would use the drawing tool to send max little doodles (and lots of dick drawings)

idc if the general consensus is chloe can't do make up bc in my head she can and she does max's eyeliner by sitting on her lap

baby pricefield crushing on each other is so fucking funny like you have chloe crushing on the quiet kid who's voice would crack during attendance no matter how many times she'd practice beforehand and then u got max crushing on the girl who was caught picking her nose and eat it

my random pf hc of the day is when chloe and max were still a new couple, max went in to give chloe a kiss before going to class/work and they both froze up because WHAT THE FUCK MY BEST FRIEND AND I JUST SMOOCHED before realizing oh yeah we're together, we can do that now. and they just. melt. smiling at each other like idiots cause holy shit they are officially a couple !! the transition from bffs to gfs is so weird in the best way

i just think max kisses chloe's little cheek mole every time they cuddle

to the anon who requested this, i hope u like it! it’s my first time getting a request so im kinda nervous hsjdjdj

pairings: suna x gn!reader

genre: fluff (i think,,,)

warnings: swearing

a/n: not proofread! also youre playing fade & suna is playing yoru btw; in case it isnt implied well enough hsjdjd mb !!

“fuck! my bad, i whiffed. viper’s lit 78” you sigh into your mic.

you press ‘tab’ to look at your kda. 7/11/12 honestly isn’t that bad for someone who just started the game a couple weeks ago, but you just couldn’t help but feel like shit over your gameplay today. your frames were horrible and you were whiffing. a lot.

“oh my god, fade. you’re so fucking trash at this game” your team’s omen snaps.

you’d be lying if you said you weren’t expecting to hear stuff like that. you hear this kind of bullshit almost every single time you play, whether it’s directed at you or at another teammate. you close your eyes and take in a deep breath in an effort to calm yourself down.

you let out a soft “sorry”, hoping that the omen would just accept it and let it go.

“wait. why the fuck are you apologizing?” suna speaks up, annoyance clear in his voice.

suna always gets very heated whenever someone is being rude to you, simply because you don’t deserve to be treated like shit. he knows you won’t stand up for yourself, so he always takes things into his own hands.

you know what he’s about to do, and even though you kinda like it when he defends you, you aren’t really in the mood for conflicts today.

“rin, it’s fine—” you try to stop him, but suna interrupts you.

“omen you literally got knifed like four rounds ago. how about you shut the fuck up and play the game instead of being a toxic little bitch?”

there’s a short silence before the omen responds. maybe he’s backing off? you think to yourself, until you hear him snicker, “aw, is that your duo, yoru? i feel bad for you dude. you should find a new duo”

you can almost hear something in suna snap from miles away, but before you can even get the chance to say anything to intervene, suna spits, “and i feel bad for whoever has to deal with your annoying ass. don’t talk to me again unless you’re top fragging. y/n, just mute him.”

suna doesn’t talk for the rest of the game. you know he’s focused on trying to top frag so that he can make his point. he teabags the omen after getting an ace, which you found really amusing (and kinda cute).

“fuck you, omen” he scoffs after defusing the spike, getting your team the winning point.

dsmp characters as valo mains

my credentials are im iron 3 and watch a shit ton of foolish and etoiles valo streams :) based on fighting styles mostly cause i. love thinking about their fighting styles

ctommy - gekko creatures! so many creatures! also i feel like he would want the spike every round and be the first to peak every corner.

ctubbo - cypher very sneaky. teammates just give him half of the map to hold by himself. always by himself despite not having any offensive util. still carries every game best agent i love you!!!

cranboo - phoenix self-sufficient kit, also able to provide cover for teammates. still manages to bottom frag every game.

cwilbur - killjoy ho16 is some shit only a killjoy main would pull. setting up some cringe lineups and playing offsite so you don't actually have to shoot your gun. also the ult is clearing an area of the map without killing anyone which is basically plan bomb.

cquackity - brimstone sorry cq but im giving you brim cause ive never known a brim main that was good at the game. completely dogshit always all they do is sit in corners with a shotgun. just play support and whiff your ult like you're supposed to.

cdream - chamber controversial but like. its an agent dependent on accuracy and playing cringe and being toxic. got a massive nerf and is now unplayable.

cpunz - sage cpunz is literally dreams pocket sage. ult is a resurrection. both a support character and an offensive character.

ctechno - raze kaboom i mean. what do you want me to say. high damage good movement. requires you to be good at the game. teammates take him for granted and enemies hate his ass.

cphil - sova dogshit agent with horrible util but if you're in a 1-v-1 with him you are losing. snipes you clear across the map and then all his teammates come and fuck your shit. super non toxic which just makes you hate him more.

cniki - skye generally regarded as support character until they have to clutch a 1-v-5 because their teammates all suck and then they clutch the fuck out of it. this is my main hi niki nihachu !!!

cschlatt - reyna weird pick but reyna doesnt really have any abilities if you arent killing people but if you are its super strong. very imbalanced its either you are dying first every round or hitting an ace.

csapnap - omen every time i see someone be really good at omen i wonder why they arent playing a good agent instead. which reminds me of csap. pls just play yoru or something

csam - deadlock cause prison warden get it??? hahah. deadlocks use all their abilities on one person and still they end up killing her cause shes a terrible agent. L

cponk - breach in theory super strong but in practice i always wish i just had like. anyone else.

cjack manifold - KAY/O i almost forgot you just like i always forget KAY/O exists. even when theres a kay/o on my team i forget about it. also robot hc.

cslime - viper slime goop. falls apart whenever anyone actually attacks them but crucial for the team.

this is canon i asked the dream smp discord server and they all sent me this. i hope i didnt forget anyone im very tired

T-Series Tactical Droid, Viper Recon Droids, PK Worker Droids, & DRK-1 Sith Probe Droids

It just wouldn't be star wars without some noncombatant clankers to frag, would it?

i’m not completely sure how to word this but some men on valorant are so desperate for the validation of other men. if they get flamed by another man, they will do anything in their power to regain their approval. and i guess that creates an environment where some men expect that they can be toxic to whoever they want and not face any consequences.

there are so many games where men are toxic to others and then like idk they’re confused as to why me and my friends don’t want to interact with them. in the game i just played, our viper told us we sucked and our aim was ass. he and omen were basically throwing because neither of them were smoking for the team and kept going the opposite site as spike. when we tried to ask one of them to smoke for us, he just said that it wouldn’t matter because we were so bad and then he sat in spawn while we all died. and that’s without mentioning that his omen duo was bottom fragging and made some very questionable plays.

for me and my (mostly) female friends, there’s just a line that, when crossed, there is no coming back from. we still communicated with omen because he was nice enough and appeared to have just been following viper and not deliberately excluding us, but we had all muted viper. he tried to hype me up when i clutched a 1v3 in overtime as if he hadn’t called me a slur 2 rounds prior. and then when the match ended, he tried to add me.

idk maybe it is the snowflake mentality but i just think it’s weird to expect people to treat you with consideration when you treat them with contempt. anyways, i got match mvp with 9 less kills than viper because i had almost 20 assists on reyna 😭😭. around 6 rounds in and right after he said we had bad aim i got a little tilted and just started running in with a spectre and shooting people without ever getting the kill so maybe he was right about my aim lmao.

Reign Of Darkness & Villainy Month! Zarana & Frag-Vipers By John Royle

Hi do you have tips for someone trying to get into valorant! ☹️ i get so overwhelmed with memorizing how to use abilities

Hi!

Yeah so first it’s always good to make sure you know the different agent types so you know what to start off with

For example duelists are expected to top frag and play pretty aggressively meaning you should be getting lots of kills with them and leading the charge I recommend not starting off with these agents until you get a better hang of their abilities

Starting off with a healing agent might be better as people don’t expect them to get a lot of kills this will give you some space to practice your abilities with less pressure

my second tip is literally go into practice mode and mess around with all the agents abilities. What I did is after I read up on the agents I picked a couple I thought I might want to play and I went into practice mode and just practiced using the abilities, see how to use them. some abilities are simple you just fire them that’s it some require placement and activation and even mouse control. Some can pass through objects some require line ups. So for each ability I looked at the different controls and tried them all out until I was comfortable with how they worked.

third tip is use them in game lol sometimes if you join a game and just say I’m new other players will direct you when and where to use abilities so you can get a grasp of it. sometimes I don’t even say I’m new I just say let me know where to smoke or let me know when you want flash and they will give you some directions. learning to use your abilities in collaboration with teammates is a hard skill but important for better gameplay

Forth tip is line up videos lol. It seems juevenile but I watch a ton of stupid little line up TikTok���s and stuff where people show off how they use certain abilities or place them in certain ways to get good plays. But what I pay more attention to is their reasoning like for example it took me a while to understand vipers abilities however I saw a couple of lineups that people use vipers snake bite ability for and I realized through the videos that an important part of vipers abilities is to use them to prevent bomb planting on defence and bomb defuse on attack without direct combat. So while I’m not doing sick lineups with viper lmao I am using her abilities more effectively.

but yeah my biggest tip would be to start off small don’t try to memorize every agent pick a few and once you have them down you can start looking at other agents if you want

Ich frag mich gerade ob das Snake Pit in RBEI eine allusion zum Viper Room sein soll

what valorant agents some of the haikyuu characters main🫡🫡

a/n: i go off by what i feel for these things so it’s hard to give an explanation! but they’re really fun to think about :) i’m a viper/kj main btw 😋

edited 2/11 if you’d like to see the og vers jsut lmk

ft! kenma, tsuki, suna, osamu, atsumu

kenma :

rank: immortal

ooh okay he’s a gamer so he’s probably really good with most agent, so he probably mains a duelist

jett or reyna for suree

when he’s playing w friends though he usually just fills

doesn’t really like to talk during games unless he’s frustrated about something

top frags 99% of the time!!

tsuki :

rank: somewhere around plat or diamond

cypher(rat) main bc that’s just what he gives off

his second most played agent is raze or jett

reaally good game sense and aim

loves the feeling when he one taps an opponent

doesn’t play that much but is surprisingly really good at the game

reaally hates those e-couples(don’t we all!!)

sunarin :

rank: diamond - ascendant

iso mainnnnn!! i feel like he really likes iso’s ult specifically

also plays viper

he rarely ever solo queues (has only done so like 5 times max)

only plays when his friends are playing

usually grinds the game on the weekends late @ night

you can always rely on him to clutch rounds!

samu :

rank: diamond - ascendant

it’s giving sova or skye main 🤭

“nah imma do my own thing” type beat (spiderman reference!!!)

even though he’s doing his thing, he’s usually the one that carries(esp if solo queuing)

either way whatever he’s doing helps them win

doesn’t solo queue much either, prefers playing with friends !

only ever shouts in the vc when he’s trying to shut his brother up!!

just tryna to have a good time

tsumu :

rank: diamond - ascendant

they(rin and twins) all have similar ranks bc they usually play with each other

gives off phoenix energy so phoenix main maybe?

if not phoenix i’d say yoru, neon, gekko (it’s hard to pinpoint an agent for him LOL)

usually always talking/ranting abt something on the vc but still gets kills while doing so! #multitasker

he rages in the vc (not violently) when he dies

just be like bruh wtf and then just starts babbling

usually just plays for fun but LOVES a good competitive game

“we can’t just end on a loss guys!” person FOR SURE

Will Katja Einfluss nehmen?

»Also, ich könnte mir schon vorstellen, auch da zu meinen Gunsten etwas Einfluss zu nehmen.« Mal wieder lachte Amy. »Warum habe ich mir das noch schon gedacht?« »Na, du kennst mich eben. Vielleicht kriege ich es ja gebogen, dass man endlich legal kiffen darf. Oder, ich könnte mich gegen dieses bescheuerte Gendern stark machen. Polygamie legalisieren? Ach, da gibt es ja so vieles!« Amy konnte auf der anderen Seite des Telefons nicht mehr vor lachen. »Hör auf, bitte hör auf, ich kriege ja einen Zwerchfell Krampf und mir fällt dauernd mein Essen wieder aus dem Mund. Hier sieht es schon aus wie beim Häuptling unterm Bett!« »Was ist denn daran bitte lustig? Ich kenne tausend Sachen, die ich gerne ändern würde. Allein dieser Wahn mit dem politisch Korrektem. Wie war das? Anstatt Weihnachten wäre es dann ein christlich inspirierter Feiertag? Ich kenne so viele Leute anderer Religionen und keiner stört sich an der Bezeichnung. Im schlimmsten Fall ist das eben nur ein Feiertag für die und die machen an dem Tag eben nichts. Aber ich habe noch keinen gehört der sich darüber aufgeregt hätte.« »Ich weiss schon, was du meinst. Gerade beim Gendern wäre ich voll bei dir. Das nimmt ja gerade perverse Ausmasse an. Mit dem habe ich mich vor kurzem auch darüber unterhalten. Hast du zum Beispiel gewusst, dass an unseren Wochenenden nur noch Frauen fahren?« Katja war verwundert. »Nein, wusste ich nicht. Wie kommst du aber jetzt darauf? Viper und Pascal sind eindeutig Männer, genau wie die Ente und mein geliebtes Schnabeltier.« »Stimmt. Aber vor kurzem wurde über uns im Fernsehn berichtet. Wenn du dir das angeschaut hast, sprachen die dauernd nur von Fahrerinnen.« Da fiel bei Katja der Groschen. »Ach so. Dieses bescheuerte Gendern. Anstatt Fahrer, Pause, innen zu sagen, wegen dieser bekloppten Schreibweise, klingt es so, als wären es nur Frauen.« »Genau! Könnte ich voll an die Decke gehen. Wenn Mario mal eine Durchsage machen muss, weil sich jemand noch zum Start gemeldet hat und er dann darum bittet, dass der Fahrer vom Auto was weiss ich bitte zum Start kommen soll, hat noch nie eine Frau gejammert, weil sie doch eine Fahrerin ist.« »So Frauen gibt es aber durchaus!« »Ich weiss. Aber wenn du da mal ein bisschen gräbst, die haben alle irgendwo ein Studium, oder so. Das sind auch die Frauen, die nur noch klassische Musik hören und in die Oper oder das Theater gehen.« »Japp. Die Erfahrung habe ich auch schon gemacht.« »Wenn nur alles so unkompliziert wäre, wie die Kerle.« »Wem sagst du das. Wobei wir dann aber wieder beim Thema sind. Wie freizügig darf ich denn da eigentlich sein?« »Das ist gar nicht so einfach zu beantworten. Die haben uns schon ein Video gesperrt, weil man im Ausschnitt von Janine einmal den Eindruck gewinnen konnte, man würde ein bisschen von ihrer Brustwarze sehen. Mario hat das Video mit allem möglichen bearbeitet, aber man sieht nichts. Null. Der Filter war aber der Meinung und schon mussten wir Stellung nehmen. Ich kenne aber auch eine, die klebt sich bei den Videos nur die Brustwarzen mit schwarzem Klebeband ab. Wirklich nur die. Das findet der Filter nicht schlimm und die Videos werden nie gesperrt. Ist also irgendwo auch so ein bisschen Glücksspiel.« »Eine KI, denke ich mal.« »Jupp. Da regt sich Mario immer extrem drüber auf. Wie sagt er immer? Seine KIs würde keine solche Fehler machen. Wo ich auch echt froh bin, dass mein Lion da deutlich genauer ist.« »Der filtert aber auch keine Videos.« »Nein. Aber könnte mir ein Rennen versauen, wenn er irgendwas als gefährliches Hindernis erkennen würde und dann in die Eisen geht.« »Stimmt auch wieder. Also sollte ich da mal Mario fragen?« »Wäre durchaus sinnvoll.« »Dann schreibe ich den mal an.« »Viel Erfolg dabei!« Katja runzelte die Stirn. »Warum? Mag es solche Themen nicht?« »Doch, klar. Ist eigentlich sogar voll sein Ding. Aber weder Mario, noch Viper sind im Moment irgendwie greifbar. Frag mich nicht, aber die sind voll verschollen.« »Verschollen? Wie kommst du denn darauf?« »Ganz einfach. Normalerweise findest du Mario im Büro, oder in der Halle. Aber weder war er da, um unser neues Video zu schneiden, noch haben wir ihn in der Halle gefunden.« Das fand Katja irgendwie besorgniserregend. »Oh je. Da fange ich ja direkt an, mir Sorgen zu machen.« »Nee Katja. So schlimm ist das jetzt nicht. Der hat schliesslich auch sein Leben. Vielleicht ist er bei Luigi, oder geht mal wieder einem seiner Projekte nach. Also mach dir da mal keinen Kopf. Ich denke nur eben, du wirst ihn im Moment nicht erreichen.« »Na hoffentlich. Wäre ja grausam, wenn Mario auf einmal weg wäre.« »Du, bei Viper fände ich das auch nicht lustig. Der schuldet mir noch einen Fick!« »Schuldet?« »Ja! Schuldet! Wir waren letztens im Arsch und Aisha hatte einen Ausschnitt an, der echt brutal war und wenn die an der Theke steht, lehnt sie sich ja oft darauf und dann baumeln ihre Möpse da herum. Ich hatte gesagt, dass wenn man ihr da einen Bierdeckel rein werfen würde, der steckenbleibe würde. Da meinte Viper, er könne sich das zwar gut vorstellen, aber ich würde das niemals hinbekommen. Zugegeben, ich war der gleichen Meinung, fühlte mich aber auch herausgefordert. Also hab ich gesagt, wenn ich es schaffe, dann muss er mir dafür so richtig das Hirn auf Links vögeln. Hat er angenommen und gemeint, wenn ich es nicht schaffe, muss ich blasen und schlucken.« Sie hielt kurz inne. »Genau genommen sind das total bescheuerte Wetteinsätze, fällt mir mal gerade so auf.« Katja lachte. »Klar. Du lutschst ihm ja eh einen und er fickt dich.« »Genau. Ich muss mir da mal was besseres einfallen lassen. Auf jeden Fall, ich hab den Bierdeckel genommen, nur so zwischen Zeige- und Mittelfinger gehalten und nicht einmal ernsthaft gezielt. Doch der flog eine ganz komische Kurve, hat sich dabei auf die Seite gelegt und ist ganz genau zwischen Aischas Möpsen stecken geblieben.« Katja lachte. »Das sind so Dinger, die auch nur du zustande bringst.« »Ich weiss doch auch nicht. Mir passieren dauernd so Dinger. Ich war mal Inliner fahren. Wollte dabei dann rückwärts fahren üben. Frag mich nicht warum. Auf jeden Fall war so ein Typ hinter mir und das ich dem gefallen habe, war absolut deutlich zu erkennen. Was passiert? Ich will auf cool machen, meine dumme Bremse kommt auf den Boden und ich schmiere voll ab. Natürlich auf den Arsch. Da der Kerl nicht wirklich weit hinter mir war, hat er versucht zu bremsen, ist auch ins stolpern geraten und auf mich gestürzt. Beim Sturz muss dem dann irgendwie sein Schwanz aus den Shorts gerutscht sein. Also fiel er, landete zwischen meinen Beinen und zack, voll in mir drin.« Dieses Mal konnte Katja nicht mehr vor lachen. »Ja, du lachst! Erklär das mal jemandem! Schatz, ich bin dir nicht fremd gegangen! Ich bin gestürzt, der ist gestürzt und schon war er in mir. Das glaubt dir doch niemand!« »Och doch, ich glaub dir das direkt. Ich bin mal in der Kneipe gestolpert, fand keinen anderen Halt als die Hose von einem Kerl, hab die dann natürlich runtergezogen, sein Ding ist hoch geschnellt und ich bin auf den Punkt genau mit meinem Mund drauf gelandet. Ist das Selbe in Grün. Okay, seine Tussi fand das überhaupt nicht komisch, obwohl sie es ganz genau gesehen hat. Gab voll die Szene, aber war wirklich nur ein Unglück. Ich meine, der Typ hatte einen Vollbart. So einen würde ich mir normalerweise nicht angeln!« Das amüsierte Amy. »Manchmal macht es mir schon so ein bisschen Angst, wie ähnlich wir uns doch sind.« »Ja. Ist ein bisschen schockierend. Mein Schnabeltier meinte auch schon, wenn es mich nicht gäbe, wärst du voll seine Traumfrau.« Amys Tonfall wurde diabolisch. »Genau. Wenn es dich nicht gäbe, wäre ich definitiv seine Traumfrau! Neben Phillip und Markus, wäre er ganz definitiv der Mann, den ich für mein Herz erobern würde!« Read the full article