I hit my limit today, and I think that makes me an asshole, but mainly I feel relief.

I have a friend I have written about before here. This friend and I had been close since high school. some close to 20 years ago, though, this friend got very, very sick and suffered a serious brain injury. I won't go into all the gorey details except to explain that this friend really has the functional intellect of a 12 year old, mainly, and the emotional maturity of a toddler because of this injury. They will never get better than they are now. that means that I need to be the mature one in our relationship now.

this friend has always been a bit self-centered... but we all are to some extent. but he brain injury has really exacerbated this part of them. to the point that they will literally throw a nasty, public *fit* and scream on facebook about how inconvenienced they are because the person who helps them in the care home where they live is not available one day because that person is getting *cancer* treatment. They will call that person out by name, tagging them, and yelling at them for not being there to do their laundry or whatever else... because the person is dealing with *cancer*. screaming and calling people out on facebook is pretty common for my friend. any inconvenience, real or perceived, is a sudden public blast, and they can get pretty hateful and hurtful when they say things there.

i lost count of how many times *I* have been put on blast, usually for not having dropped everything and driven the 4 or so hours each way to see them in person. (when I have to use food banks to feed myself and I still can't make ends meet, but, sure, lemme just bend over and shit out that tank and a half of fuel to do that) but I have also been put on blast for explaining to my friend that they are saying hurtful things to people who love them. Or for trying to explain certain social issues of the day. the other big complaint i get put on blast for is that my "new friends" are "taking me away" from them. (again, usually because i don't travel to see them, because i don't travel at ALL anymore, but what the fuck is logic to an emotionally-a-toddler anyway?) i've talked about some of this here before.

i didn't feel like i could just... walk away, though. see after their brain injury, all of our closest friends just... ghosted. (I'd already been ghosted because i moved away, but this friend was still often in contact with the rest of the gang.) my friend had no one left but family. just me. i couldn't go too... especially since they threatened on *several* occasions that I was the "only thing keeping them alive", they they would "die without me". yes, I know that's manipulative as fuck, but my friend was an incredibly smart person who is now a child, and remembers just enough to know what they lost... including all of their friends. i didn't want to be like the "gang".

but the constant public tagging on facebook about how i was letting them down, or how i must hate them, or how i was being taken away, or how i was rude and mean for asking them to not do hateful things... it's stressful. and that didn't even touch on all the vague-posting about "their friend who is being taken away from them" or "their friend who yelled at them for being a bitch to their helper" or "their friend who must hate them". i did get a few NASTY messages from some of the people they started talking to online who knew nothing about me but what my friend would post. it was exhausting. and if i asked my friend to stop, it would only get *worse* for a week or two as they pouted and screamed, until they literally forgot and then it would cycle back to the beginning. i finally broke down and just unfollowed. it helped a lot, as now, i only knew about the complaints when i got tagged and put on blast *personally* (which was about half the time they posted about me). but the tagging complaints didn't stop. i might have peace for a few days, or a few weeks... but, eventually, i'd get put on blast again for... something.

enough times, and i started to wonder... maybe i *do* suck for not finding a way to see them? i knew i wasn't talking to them as often as i "should"... but it was exhausting, and it negatively affected my health, but did it really or am i just making things up to avoid discomfort? i mean... they have a brain injury. my friend really doesn't understand just what they are saying sometimes. i should be the mature one here, suck up my discomfort, and just ignore the digs and the pokes and the nastygrams. i mean, i'm the adult, and, realistically, i don't make enough time for any of my friends because dealing with people *hurts*, and i should just get the fuck over that and... and find a way.

but it was a lot better, not seeing their posts unless they tagged me. but they would still stalk *my* facebook, and anytime i posted any of my social justice stuff, they would comment. sometimes it was a simple, "eh? i don't understand", sometimes it was something so for out of touch that it was a glaring reminder that they probably weren't capable of actually understanding the issues at hand. sometimes, it was an argument against my post or meme or thoughts, because those were "new friends ideas" or because they didn't get what i was saying, or because they genuinely disagreed with the idea.

for a while, I would try to engage... either to explain, or to ask what they meant, or to have an actual discussion... but when my friend wouldn't even remember what they were thinking when they made the comment in the first place... there was limited success. so i just started... ignoring the comments and questions, unless it was a real simple, easy to explain, non-confrontational thing.

so yesterday, i posted a meme about how everyone has preferred pronouns. my friend commented, "Ehh?" i should have just walked away and ignored it like i usually did. but stupid me thought this would be a safe one to tackle. so i asked if what pronouns that they would prefer. they answered that they had always used a specific one, so probably stick with that. so i asked if they thought it would be fair for someone to make fun of them for preferring a pronoun that matched their genitals. they said "nope!" I literally replied: "That was what this post was about. That it isn't appropriate to make fun of someone's preferred pronouns, no matter what... because EVERYONE has preferred pronouns."

my friend started yelling at me for "calling them out". then they proceeded to post to their wall that they were SICK of ME "calling them out". but, see... i was "calling them out" because my friend literally forgot that they asked me yesterday to explain the meme i posted. and had no idea how to read the previous six comments between us that were immediately above where they started screaming at me... but that didn't become obvious until much, much later in the fight.

and today... i just couldn't handle it. so instead of ignoring it and moving on, i responded that 1) i *hadn't* done anything of the sort, but 2) i really didn't CARE anymore if they hated it when I "called them out" because they *did* do and say shitty things sometimes. so if they didn't want me to say anything, either stop doing and saying shitty things, or unfriend me.

the responses were reiterations about hating when i point out when they are being nasty, screaming about how my "new friends" are taking me away from them, how they are "losing me to my new friends" (and I don't even know who these "new friends" are supposed to even be? I guess anyone who isn't THAT specific friend?) and some other things, that i genuinely don't even remember anymore... and i can't look them up, because they blocked me.

and my primary emotion over that? relief. relief and a fervent hope that they don't *forget* that they were this angry at me and unblock me again in a week.

this was my friend. my friend who has a brain injury. and i am relieved to be done dealing with them. i'm sad this happened, because if i could have just been a better person... i should have just kept my mouth shut or something. right?

my friend is a child because they literally can't not be. i was a child today because i lost my temper. but i'm not sorry, and i won't apologize, because i still just feel... relieved.

so i guess... i just need to come to terms with being that kind of a person.

anyway... sorry. i just needed to get that all out.

seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything

More Baby Annabeth thoughts to ruin your day:

In the show, Echidna explains that monsters trach demigods by smelling their fear; it’s part of the hunt. Once a demigod is aware of who they are and why they’re in danger, monsters will come for them. Annabeth was constantly hunted by monsters from the age of 5. MEANING THIS LITTLE BABY ANGLE WAS SCARED AND ALL HER STEPMOTHER AND FATHER DID WAS MAKE HER FEEL LIKE ITS HER FAULT!!! SHE WAS SO ALIENATED FOR TWO YEARS AND BLAMED HERSELF!!!

Our mother shoulda just named you Laika

imagine that somewhere in the future, after years of learning to actually let himself open up and be honest, damian tells the real story of what happened to him to jon

Forever will defend “evil” children demonized by their fanbase and/or own source material

there is something where. hm. like yes, tim can be condescending towards steph, he was written by dixon, it's inevitable. but also since, for a very long time, he was the only one supporting steph's decision to be a vigilante & the only one giving her any sort of attempt at formal training, tim is also the one who tends to get held accountable for her by the adults in their lives when she does mess up, or acts reckless, or makes a mistake. because the fault is considered to lie with his failure to teach her properly, so even if it shouldn't be tim's fault, because it's the fault of all the adults who are refusing to take any sort of responsibility, her behavior does end up reflecting on tim.

so you end up with this thing where to steph: her and tim are equals in a relationship. they are similar aged vigilates & the disparity in their training and experience isn't that important. because she's trying and working really hard & her methods do end up getting the result she desires/end up working in some way, shape, or form, so she's doing good enough to be on equal footing with tim wrt this whole vigilante thing. after all, they're both kids! there's no real difference between them except tim gets a little more training than her. and she's not wrong in that if an adult were to actually officially sanction her & train her she would be on more equal footing with tim as far as they're just two kids who are choosing to be vigilantes.

where to tim he's operating with the knowledge that that their relationship is one thing, but their jobs as vigilantes is a completely separate thing. and them being equal vigilantes is really not considered the case to any other active gotham vigilante. experiencewise, before steph even showed up on the scene, tim had had at least his six months of dedicated training with batman & occasional training with nightwing. he had also had his weeks of dedicated daily training in paris with the rahul lama & then his speed training with lady shiva. he does have probably close to at least 8-9 months of training and experience and working as robin on steph at her first appearance. he's also at a point where he is considered by the adults around him to be trained & skilled enough to be able to train jean-paul valley at that point. this disparity only worsens during the time before they start dating where tim finishes his training in paris with the rahul lama along with getting even more ongoing specialized training from batman & nightwing and steph...continues to be self taught. so the adults around them have expectations for tim that they don't necessarily have for steph, and since tim is the one training her & the expectations for tim at this point are that he's an autonomous, skilled vigilante in his own right (and has been since he was left in charge of azbats), if steph does mess up & tim is the one choosing to sanction & train her, then her mistakes & recklessness becomes tim's fault for not training her properly. although in a perfect world, she wouldn't be his responsibility in this way, that's just how everyone (batman, nightwing, the birds of prey) views it. & like. as someone who takes students at her job. it's not entirely wrong that while a mistake made by a student is on the student & it's also very much considered ultimately the fault of the instructor for failing to recognize that the student wasn't ready or skilled enough for something that they made a mistake, because as the more experienced professional, it's on you to recognize the limitations of the student & supervise/guide them accordingly. which tim is in the position of everyone feeling that steph is his responsibility to manage, because he's often the only one who thinks she should be given a chance & is trying to give her a chance.

it's an inherent power imbalance, formed the the fact that tim is the only one willing to instruct her for a long time, sanctioned & reinforced by the adults around them.

thinking about ortus in HTN talking about how he failed harrow in her childhood. thinking about ortus as maybe one of the few 9th house adults that could have stepped in to support her and maybe also one of the few that saw the cycle of abuse for what it was - he knew why his father died, and even so he hated his father, was willing to leave the 9th - but in life, he failed her. and like i wonder how old little baby cavalier ortus was when he realized that something in that house was just rotten. and i wonder how lonely it would’ve been all those years, alone with ancient fanatics and 2 abused children ortus was too weak and afraid to save. i mean, until harrow puppeted her parents, he was going to have to marry harrow! and there was nothing he could do! so he retreats further into his poetry. only after death, only when it was too late, only when harrow was grown up did he have the bravery or maybe freedom or maybe distance to finally step forward.

dunmeshi modern labru au where Kabru wants to try fromsoft games to understand why they’re so popular.

he gives elden ring a shot and surprise he gets fucking rolled. can’t get past tree sentinel, tries to fight Margit at level 15, put all his stats in intelligence and not enough dex, hasn’t even found a proper staff, picked warrior as his starting class.

he’s ready to uninstall but he paid full price for this game, he’s at least gonna defeat one boss goddammit. so he tries summoning players for aid and just his luck, he summons cooperator WolfChimeraWyvern.

and this cooperator is SO GOOD, he solos Margit without getting hit, and Kabru is just. in awe. so he adds him as a friend.

and that’s how he meets Laios, expert on all things fromsoft (has literally read every item description, knows the most obscure lore by heart, don’t ask him how many hours he’s played, he has all the platinums)

not me thinking abt how estinien is consistently one of the most emotionally intelligent characters (at least when it comes to other people) we have yet this is constantly forgotten or minimized

rose and dirk are characters who are always thinking about how they look in front of people and are very into keeping up with aesthetics and appearances. and yeah this applies to a lot of the other hs characters too, especially the strilondes. but rose and dirk are especially similar in that they are both very convinced that the "polished" masks they've constructed for themselves do their job of covering up every single possible insecurity they have (mainly that they're huge gay nerds). this is due to the fact that rose and dirk think that they're smarter than everybody else. which is, to be fair, true. but not to the extent that they think since they're both kids raised on wiki articles on the internet. which they are also aware of, but being aware of this fact makes them feel smart and it loops right back into feeding their egos, which are very fragile egos that could crumble at the drop of a hat by the thought of having other people "see" through them and realizing that they are, in fact, gay nerds. so rose and dirk both cope by acting out in increasingly outlandish ways to prove that they're completely confident in their own identities. because an insecure person would be too scared to do furry roleplay or watch my little pony "ironically" or et cetera, so by doing these things it's like a weird one-uppance to the people around them who think that stuff is too weird. but they do have a limit, which is complete sincerity. and that's why roxy lalonde is actually the strongest strilonde and could duplex both rose and dirk in a fight. this was a read 💅

If the adult versions of the Ninja could tell their past younger selves anything what would it be?

Bonus Jesse as Always:

This isn't what it looks like.

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Boggs to Katniss: "I'm planning for you to have a long life"

Boggs, 2 secs later: *sends Katniss on a suicide mission to assassinate the president, which has no chance of happening*

SVSSS is a novel with a fandom.

[ID: A Scum Villain edit of the "missing the point" meme. A bullet arcs from velinxi art of child Shen Jiu kneeling while furiously glaring. The bullet says, "People are not entirely one thing or the other and holding them to these extremes ignores the complexities that come with their humanity." It arcs over the head of a person across from it, who ignores the bullet and exclaims: "Wow!! Shen Jiu's only crime was being mean and was wrongly hated!" End ID]

Bullying isn't a "normal part of growing up"

Bullying isn't a "normal part of growing up" if a child is being bullied physically that is a failure of the school to protect them and a failure to create a safe learning environment.

Psychological bullying is *equally* as serious but can be harder to identify. But if a child/teen comes home from school upset repeatedly. If they say they don't want to go to school. If they alter their behavior to avoid persecution this is also a failure.

This feels obvious and basic but I'm saying it anyway.

Bullying isn't just something that happens naturally and part of "kids being kids" We can have schools where bullying is very rare and taken seriously when it occurs.

Bullying occurs when members of a community decide that someone is not an equal member of the community and so they aren't due the respect that everyone else may have. Sometimes adults condone this, and participate. (Sometimes on some notion of "making them more normal" or "teaching them to not be a target") This should not occur. This need not occur. If the adults that run schools, and parents decide they will not tolerate it ... it need not happen.

Yes, yes. *sometimes* feeling like you don't fit in is a part of growing up.

*sometimes*

Somehow this reasonable level of discomfort that can lead to personal growth gets confused with being bullied. And people who resist the idea that no one really needs to be bullied. (It could just be a thing that didn't happen in schools on any significant level.) think we are saying the much less reasonable idea that everyone should always be happy and never have any social discomfort.