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cinematicnomad · 1 year

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the terror fitzier fic recs below the cut for @skylessnights

this far from heaven by 5runner5 (1/1 | 10k+ | Ex) fitzier; slow burn; missing scenes; masturbation; hurt/comfort; getting together

this man—this irritable drunk who apparently saw nothing of worth whatsoever in james—was a sad, far cry from the man he had imagined, when he’d first thrilled at reading the name crozier in dispatches.

forged in the ice by captaincrozier (28/28 | 97k+ | M) fitzier; canon divergence; fix-it (of sorts); secret relationship; canon typical violence

something was forged in that arctic ice, something crozier will carry with him always, something that gave him hope, and the strength to get home. it was love... but the moment of its existence was cruelly brief.... and what is he without it now? haunted by and faithful to its memory, he tries to carry on, but how does one continue when faced with its ghost, every day?

mirror, mirror by palpalou (2/2 | 26k+ | Ex) fitzier; canon divergence; sick fic; misunderstandings; getting together

in which francis flatters james back to health, without noticing how hard he's flirting, actually. [for the terror own language fest, english in chapter II]

sunset and evening star, and one clear call for me. by gwerfel, kt_fairy (19/19 | 85k+ | M) fitzier; past francis/sir james; canon divergence; post-canon fix it; slow burn

they came upon a furrow in the landscape, too shallow to be called anything but a scrape, and all stopped in their tracks. there were indeed men. a crowd of them, walking and talking or sprawled upon the ground, not raving or twitching or gurgling foul smelling blood. they were in appalling condition though, ross could tell even from this distance, but they were still men. a figure stepped towards ross' party, and he would recognize that damned hat and the way hands were tucked up high into greatcoat pockets anywhere. he scrambled with the harness, throwing it off and taking off in a stumbling, inelegant dash across the shingle. "ross!" he heard francis gasp just before he collided with him, holding his dear friend in an embrace that nearly sent them both crashing to the ground. OR ross arrives in time, wounds are still open, and the risky business of having survived is navigated. the arctic does not let you out of its grasp with a wave and a goodbye.

untitled (perfect lovers), 2019, mixed media, london by caravaggiosbrushes (8/8 | 70k+ | Ex) fitzier; au–modern setting; au–artists; enemies to lovers; self-inflicted wounds

sometimes there is nothing pretty in art. when francis crozier, a conceptual artist with a long and successful career, is invited to the franklin art gallery to put up a solo exhibition of his artworks, the last thing he expects is to find james fitzjames, performer artist and Instagram phenomenon, there, ready to work with him.

penumbra by crafterofwords (23/23 | 84k+ | Ex) fitzier; francis/sophia; canon divergence; period typical homophobia; angst with a happy ending

captain francis rawdon moira crozier and commander james fitzjames, of the royal navy, have survived their harrowing experience in the frozen wasteland of the arctic circle. a safe return to london has been these men's only desire through the very long nights in the arctic, so it is with confusion and discouragement that they find their homecoming has left them wanting. haunted by the memories and knowledge of horrors beyond the scope of what most men can bear, will they be able to find happiness, despite being given all they thought they'd ever wanted?

till human voices wake us by ktula (1/1 | 14k+ | Ex) fitzier; canon divergence; flatmates; repression; trauma recovery; tenderness

“thank you for last night,” james says, because it’s easier to say that than it is to say what he’s actually thinking. “i wasn’t…you’re welcome,” francis says, his gaze going to the sideboard a moment before re-focusing on james. “did it help?” “yes,” james lies. the second batch of nightmares, after all, hadn’t been francis’ fault any more than the first ones had been.

when all the world shall melt by neverfaraway (8/8 | 49k+ | Ex) fitzier; canon divergence; somebody lives/not everyone dies; fix-it; pining

i’ll not have a picture, he thinks, gazing grimly at james’ drawn, damaged face. i’ll not have a miniature to tuck inside my breast pocket, or a sketch made on a winter’s evening by the fireside. it will be my own burden to remember him, until such a time as this cursed land takes me, too. twenty five men return to england. for francis, this means making a poor job of keeping james from scuttling his career, and working out what a sea captain might do with himself in the absence of a ship.

de remedio amoris by crownlessliestheking (1/1 | 14k+ | Ex) fitzier; past/background francis/sir james; canon divergence; introspection; pining

francis has always been a grasping thing. covetous to the last, drenched in vice, and gripping tight to whoever—whatever—is closest, be it james ross or sophia or the the neck of a bottle. or all three. now, there is james fitzjames.

a moon-blanched land by wildcard_47 (10/10 | 44k+ | Ex) fitzier; canon divergence; sharing a bed; hurt/comfort; retirement; pining

almost a year after their return to england, francis crozier is tired of london society and tired of fighting an inexplicable restlessness. when given the chance to move to a seaside cottage with his former second, james fitzjames, how can he refuse?

so much spring by icicaille (1/1 | 17k+ | Ex) fitzier; canon divergence; emotional hurt/comfort; angst with a happy ending; pining

in the half-year since their return, francis had become aloof, impassive, withdrawn. there was no logic to this strange metamorphosis. at greenhithe, francis had promised to look after him. had told james: come find me. yet francis had never been further out of reach. on a cold spring day in 1849, francis drops everything and flees london for his sister's farm in ireland. james, hurt and hungry for answers, gives chase.

what ice does by what_alchemy (4/4 | 44k+ | Ex) fitzier; canon divergence; internalized homophobia; sharing a room; slow burn

captain parry’s third arctic expedition takes a year longer to prepare than planned. it leaves in 1825 with ship’s boy james fitzjames aboard HMS hecla. master's mate francis crozier takes him under his wing. this changes everything.

a pair of finches in a brass cage by fiendlikequeen (1/1 | 5k+ | M) fitzier; unrequited francis/sir james; canon divergence; POV sir james; accidental voyeurism

james clark ross brought francis crozier back from the arctic, but he finds francis a changed man—perhaps the most striking change being francis's constant companion, james fitzjames. james discovers, only partly by accident, the true nature of the relationship between francis and fitzjames.

i'll describe the way i feel, weeping wounds that never heal by velocity_owl87 (8/8 | 26k+ | T) fitzier; canon divergence; hurt/comfort; career ending injuries; recovery; introspection

by sheer blind luck ross manages to find the remaining members of the franklin expedition, many of whom are at death's door. one of these being commander fitzjames and the main concern of crozier, whom ross judges far changed in ways he can't begin to understand. he offers his friend and fitzjames a place to recover while francis faces both external conflicts and comes to realisations about his life, his ambitions...And the person he wants to have with him for the rest of his life. all the while fitzjames struggles with coming to terms with lingering injuries, the ordeal of being known, and the possibility of finally getting his heart's desire.

trafalgar, happier by fiendlikequeen (1/1 | 17k+ | Ex) fitzier; francis/sir james; canon divergence; jealousy; accidental voyeurism; angst with a happy ending

james fitzjames has decided that he is perfectly ambivalent about death— provided he may die with francis crozier by his side. but when james clark ross arrives with both a rescue party and competing affections for francis, things change.

the devils before us by masterofallimagination (6/6 | 42k+ | T) fitzier; canon divergence; somebody lives/not everyone dies; slow burn; pining

after five years in the arctic, francis and james return to england and begin the long journey home.

starcross by reinetta (1/1 | 17k+ | Ex) fitzier; au–historical; au–regency; misunderstandings; enemies to friends to lovers

“there is barely a ribbon or a feather or a scrap of silk left this side of exeter.” “no woman under thirty is left unmoved,” tom said, grinning around the stem of his pipe. “even our essie is taken up with the idea!” esther’s dark eyes were dancing in the firelight. “though she is far too young to think of marrying at present—least of all to mr. james fitzjames.”

sleeping felt like lies by the_ocean_weekender (2/2 | 41k+ | T) fitzier; canon divergence; flatmates; depression; angst with a happy ending

escaping the ice is more down to sheer dumb luck than any happenstance of sight, divine intervention, or the not-insignificant amount of skill their crews bring to the occasion, but they all get out alive (bar unfortunate souls sir john and cornelius hickey, whose deaths are viewed by many as, contrarily, rather fortunate.) now, in london, pressed by commander fitzjames to saving their navy half-pay by sharing rooms together, crozier is struggling to return to normality. it would help, he admits begrudgingly, if he could tell the difference between dreams blessed/cursed by the sight and just good old trauma-induced nightmares. and if he hadn’t started to develop feelings for the man who, even ridden with scurvy, still deserved the title ‘handsomest man in the royal navy’.

never seek him, defiantly, at night by veganthranduil (1/1 | 17k+ | M) fitzier; canon divergence; slow burn; bunkmates; recovery; pining; alcoholism

“the loss of a ship is a small price to pay for the completion of the passage, wouldn’t you say?” james said, employing his best smile. make it look easy, make it look painless, and people would gladly follow you—he’d learnt that early on. “well i’d not thought to see it,” said sir john, looking between the two of them. “if both of you are of one mind, there must be some truth to it. very well.” he clapped his hands together. “francis, james, the two of you can figure out the logistics. i’ll inform the men after david young’s funeral service. begin preparations immediately.”

to be made whole again by 5runner5 (10/10 | 29k+ | Ex) fitzier; canon divergence; eating disorder; survivor guilt; recovery; nightmares

james bit into a laden slice of toast with the undamaged side of his mouth. “i thought we agreed that thinking was very dangerous,” he said, and though his voice was light francis could feel a weight behind it. it was a weight made up of sleepless nights and crying jags; of francis punching a solid wall and of james shouting himself hoarse; of the unbearable social calls and wrenching letters and pitying looks which they could not avoid. they carried a great many heavy things with them, now. london, 1848: francis and james try to put themselves back together.

each mortal thing by jouissant (6/6 | 26k+ | M) fitzier; canon divergence; friends to lovers; gender identity; the dress

truth is a concept with which james fitzjames has been variously acquainted.

pressure ridge by alitneroon (8/8 | 18k+ | Ex) fitzier; canon divergence; missing scenes; POV alternating; happy ending

here, so far away from the world, it felt as though consequences didn’t exist. he’d already been through so much with the men, he almost imagined that they could know about this too and understand, that it wouldn’t matter. despite everything, the bleakness of the landscape and the food that was slowly killing them, francis managed to find a moment or two of happiness when he was with james.

SWIPE RIGHT (or: THE TINDER AU) by caravaggiosbrushes (2/2 | 29k+ | Ex) fitzier; au–modern setting; POV francis; falling in love; author james; fluff

francis is 51, single, almost two years sober. he has a nice job, a dog, and a tinder profile he doesn’t use that much. one night, he decides to give the app another try. the rest is, as they say, history.

between the pain and the treasure by mysleepyrambles (2/2 | 22k+ | M) fitzier; canon divergence; hopeful ending; slow burn; mutual pining; fix-it

with sir john wilfully blind to the danger they are in, francis takes matters into his own hands.

death is a sailing ship by maleann (7/7 | 27k+ | M) fitzier; canon compliant; canon-typical violence; afterlife; POV james; body horror

james had died knowing that his heart, the core of his very being that no biographer would ever know, would carry on in francis crozier. would be protected, cherished even, because francis deemed him worthy of such care. oh, how he had loved francis then. he had been at peace with this being his last living thought. it’s his only thought now. in this undead life, his love has nowhere to go. james fitzjames wakes up in the afterlife. it looks strangely similar to his cabin on erebus.

one fast move or i’m gone by cosmogram (3/3 | 25k+ | Ex) fitzier; unrequited james/dundy; POV dundy; au–modern setting; au–academia

in a lifetime of unsubtleties, the affair with crozier is james’s worst. crozier’s hand resting on james’s lower back, there for all to see. crozier’s fingers nudging gently at james’s shirtcuffs when they stood around at receptions; crozier’s pale eyes going soft and foolish when james entered the room. sometimes simply crozier’s nod, sharp and proprietary, as though to say get upstairs, get in my office, close the door—as if the rest of them were not right there. or, the one where james and dundy are bright young things (baby post-docs) in english literature, and there’s a cranky new professor in town...

let the river rush in, not wash away by kt_fairy (4/4 | 27k+ | Ex) fitzier; canon divergence; established relationship; crossdressing; internalized homophobia

“it’s not something you wish known when you look like i do, i have learnt. ‘handsomest man in the royal navy’ feeling…” he shot a look at francis before bowing his face towards his teacup. “i had enough on the line, with my parentage, without everyone guessing how...how fine i felt in that dress. how soft and light and bright i felt, playing the very opposite of all i try to be.” or most people come home, boundaries are set, james (eventually) gets a dress.

let us live now / only this by furiously, ilcardinalecheballa (5/5 | 25k+ | T) fitzier; canon divergence; slow burn; mutual pining; flatmates; friends to lovers

“i've put in for another commission.” james' voice was perfectly ordinary: so much so, in fact, that francis was sure, for the space of two blissful seconds, that he must have misheard. francis crozier and james fitzjames are alive. they are home. so are most of their men. but coming home—coming home together—is a more complicated proposition than it had at first glance appeared. then james' career comes to call.

'tis past, and so am i by glassessay (1/1 | 26k+ | T) fitzier; time travel fix-it; everyone lives/nobody dies (eventually); POV james

james fitzjames dies as francis cries above him, bleeding out of too-old wounds and thinking if only we had known. he opens his eyes in his cabin.

seen by ktula (9/9 | 97k+ | Ex) fitzier; au–modern setting; BDSM; slow burn; author francis; explicit sexual content

against his better judgement, francis crozier goes to a kink convention in canada to promote his new book. it's the dead of winter, and he has a vague suspicion he should have stayed home. then he meets james fitzjames, and confirms his suspicion is correct.

paper boats by Kt_fairy (4/4 | 25k+ | M) fitzier; pre-canon; canon divergence; gender identity; period typical attitudes; the dress

james did not feel quite like himself, dressed up like a sailor. and, strangely, feeling unlike himself was rather satisfying. he supposed it was all the change going on. in a few days he would step onto the pyramus and begin his life at sea, in the hope it was vast and varied enough that it contained a place where someone like him might be able to be honest about themselves, and still live a good life. or james fitzjames goes to sea, finds a place for himself, then finds a way to be himself.

rotten work by for_autumn_i_am (1/1 | 26k+ | Ex) fitzier; au–modern setting; coworkers; pining; misunderstandings; enemies to friends to lovers

james fitzjames, COO of erebus voyages, has a tragic crush on his straight colleague, francis crozier. (well. he thinks francis is straight.) there’s no way his tender feelings will ever be returned, is there?

don’t you (forget about me) by soft_october (1/1 | 6k+ | G) fitzier; canon divergence; POV sir james; outsider POV; misunderstandings; secret relationship

all oddities were temporary anyway! they were going home, francis would be well again, the enterprise would soon return to england, and there would be a farce of a court martial before a knighthood for francis and an easy retirement. and as for fitzjames…well, fitzjames would be reassigned, of course, continue his meteoric rise within the ranks of the navy. he would send a suitable number of letters to francis from somewhere exotic and warm before the draw of newer company turned his thoughts away from the arctic, and those who came with it. after rescuing the remnants of the franklin expedition from the ice, ross would prefer everything go back to normal. it doesn't.

some unknown tropical bird by hauntinghouses (1/1 | 4k+ | T) fitzier; canon divergence; ghosts; supernatural elements; fix-it; angst w/ a happy ending

even after returning to england, francis crozier is haunted by the past.

#skylessnights #reclist by cinematicnomad #fic rec #the terror #fitzier #francis crozier #james fitzjames #fitzier fic rec

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hatzuikhaz-art · 2 years

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Wip for part 2 of my Tommy and Fundy series, because apparently a lot of you liked it

Growing up, Tommy had always associated Wilbur with warmth and safety.

He didn't remember much from the times when dad and Techno lived with them, but he knew they hadn't left easily. He knew Techno needed help and that going away and visiting whenever they could was the only way he could get it.

Growing up Wilbur had been the only constant in Tommy's life, and the kid didn't really have a better way to describe his older brother than warm.

There wasn't warmth in Wilbur any more.

Tommy followed the walking corpse that was now his older brother, and the only thing he could register pwas just how cold he felt. Wilbur had been dead for almost two years, and the twisted version that fate left behind was cold and cruel, a glint of dangerous recklessness shining on the ex-president's red eye.

If he was being honest, Tommy didn't want to stay with this twisted, revived Wilbur anymore. But did he have a choice?

Wilbur was his brother, even after everything he'd done. Even after blowing up his home, or putting out the occasional cig against Tommy's arms, this was still Wilbur.

Plus, if Wilbur didn't have him, he would just look for someone else to keep by his side. To use and mold in every way he pleased.

Tommy couldn't let that happen to anyone else, it was his fault Wilbur had been revived, so it was his responsibility to bear.

If staying with Wilbur also meant making sure the madmen stayed as far away from a certain fox hybrid as possible...well that was just a plus, wasn't it.

So he stayed.

He stayed with this cruel version of his brother, so much like the one forged in the cold depths of a ravine turned home, it was sometimes hard to remeber that Wilvur was dead. Leaving something worse on his wake.

He stayed through Wilbur's visits to the arctic, where Tommy's own father and brother would side eye him, distrust and anger glinting on their eyes.

(Maybe once upon a time they would have noticed his too thin frame, the too dark eyebags that perfectly hid a permanent bruise unther Tommy's right eye.

Maybe once, his brother and father would have noticed just how much Tommy needed them to see him as more than just a backstabbing annoying child, because then they would notice how he shook every time Wilbur so much as touched his shoulder.

Maybe once upon a time, but not anymore.

Now, everytime they left the article commune, Tommy felt a but more hollow than before.)

He stayed, through cold nights when the only fire Wilbur would allow was the small flame that lit up his cigarette, the smoke clogging Tommy's lungs, making the teen unable to breath.

(When Sally had just recently died, and Wilbur first started smoking, Tommy used to take his nephew outside a lot. He didn't want Fundy to breath the toxic air that followed the boy's father everywhere, the kid deserved a better image of his father than that one.

When Wilbur fell back into old addictions on a cold ravine, Tommy was graceful about Fundy not being there. There wasn't anywhere to hide from the smoke after all, and it was enough with just Tommy getting used to his clothes smelling of Tobacco and poison.)

He stayed, even thought he should have left, because Tommy was still Tommy.

The same Tommy who used to love sewing but couldn't do it since his death, because his hands trembled too much.

The same Tommy that used to put himself between his nephew and his brother on those rare nights Wilbur couldn't cope without booze.

The same Tommy who would rather be hurt than let someone else suffer in his place.

Who would rather be used as an ashtray than to accept Wilbur wasn't his responsibility. That he was technically still a kid,and that he too deserved the safety he worked so hard in trying to keep for the rest of the server.

Because Tommy was still Tommy, and he loved Wilbur still, because deep down the teenager knew, he had no one left who would want him around as much as his big brother did.

So he stayed, and now here he was, standing on the shore of a small river, a magnetic city right in front of him, yet still out of reach. A city that, on other life, would have maybe been an option for him.

Not in this one thought.

#dsmp #dsmp fanfic #ao3 #wip #sbi fanfic #fanfiction #c fundy #tommy dream smp #tommy centric #ctommy #ctommy deserves a fucking break #angst #dsmp angst

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lastbluetardis · 3 years

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Chemical Reaction (17/22)

Summary: Though their chemistry class is now over, the chemistry between James and Rose is just getting started. Together, they navigate the highs of new love and the lows of coping with past trauma to forge deep and unbreakable bonds of love and commitment. Part 2 in the Catalysis series. Tagging @doctorroseprompts

This chapter: ~8400 words, explicit (for one small scene). Here we are folks! The culmination of the feels of the last several chapters. Enjoy xo.

If you like my stories, consider leaving me a tip? I know these are trying times, but if you are able, I would really appreciate it xoxo. And as always, comments and reblogs are very much appreciated as well.

AO3 | FF | TSP

Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4 | Ch5 | Ch6 | Ch7 | Ch8 | Ch9 | Ch10 | Ch11 | Ch12 | Ch13 | Ch14 | Ch15 | Ch16 | Ch17 | Ch18 | Ch19 | Ch20 | Ch21 | epilogue

April was usually one of James’s least favorite months. The weather was wet and cold, and with it being the last month of the semester, it was always busy with exams and projects. This year, however, he had the pleasure of knowing it was his beloved’s birth month; even though he didn’t know the precise date, that made it all the more fun as, day after day, he greeted Rose with a “Happy Birthday” snog.

Yet every day, she giggled and said, “Not today.” He wasn’t sure what he would do on the morning she kissed him and replied instead with, “Thank you.” Despite his brilliant, magnificent brain, he was stumped on a way to make an ordinary day extraordinary for her.

Though she said she didn’t want anything for her birthday, he couldn’t help but preemptively get her a simple gift: a silver necklace with an infinity heart pendant. The heart was studded with blue zircon—one of his birthstones—while the infinity loop was studded with small diamonds, her birthstone. Cliché, he knew, but the design had caught his attention. He hoped Rose would like it.

James had been carrying it around with him since the start of the month to be presented to her on her date of birth. Whenever the hell that was.

The weeks seemed to fly by, and still it wasn’t her birthday. He had several chilling moments of panic that maybe he somehow missed it, but then resigned himself to the fact it must be at the end of the month. Her so-called hint to him had told him it wasn’t the first or last day of the month… Rose would be cheeky enough to call that a hint if it turned out her birthday was the second to last day of the month. Nevertheless, James was having fun with their little game and worked to make the month special for Rose.

Though he knew she had been teasing when she’d suggested they make love every day so that she would wake up to birthday sex, they nearly met that goal, thanks to Rose staying overnight at his house more often than not. They were both growing to love the routine of cohabitating; James would drive them into the university in the morning, they would attend their respective classes, then they would meet up at the end of the day for him to drive them home again. Even on the days when one of them started earlier than the other, they drove in together, regardless.

While James’s main goal was to make April particularly special for Rose, he found himself realizing that even if it wasn’t her birthday month, he wouldn’t have done anything differently. It was a happy coincidence that the month happened to be filled with a multitude of romantic date night opportunities.

He had surprised her with tickets to the play put on by the university’s theater program, and had told her they would make an entire night out of it. He had dressed in a suit and tie; she had donned a gorgeous evening dress. Reminiscent of their Valentine’s Day plans, they’d had an early dinner out at a nice restaurant before driving to the university for the show. And when they’d gotten home, they peeled the other out of their nice clothes and made sweet love until midnight.

And when he took her to the cherry blossom festival in Washington, D.C., it wasn’t a birthday surprise, either. He would have wanted to tour the capital with Rose and bask in the beauty of the cherry trees no matter the month. There was nothing more romantic than walking hand-in-hand with Rose beneath the pink and white trees while the soft petals floated down around them. Nothing made him happier than seeing her face light up with awe as she took photograph after photograph of the scenery. Though the cherry blossoms weren’t as stunning as typical years, thanks to a warm snap in February followed by an arctic blast that killed some buds in mid-March, the scenery was stunning nevertheless.

They’d had fun exploring the various museums and historic sites in the city as well, but James’s favorite part was watching Rose scribble furiously in her sketchbook when they got back to their hotel room each night. She filled over a dozen pages during their four-day trip; she shared every single one with him, including the portrait of him she’d drawn one morning when she had awoken before him, and had occupied herself with sketching him asleep in the nude. Unlike her previous nude sketches of him, she did not cover his nether regions with a sheet, or simply not draw them at all. No, she had drawn every naked inch of him, down to the morning erection he had been sporting (which had also prompted her to draw a caricature of that very piece of his anatomy, making him howl with laughter when she eventually showed him the picture of a very prominent, very erect penis on a teeny tiny little person).

Playing tourist with Rose was one of James’s favorite things to do, so even if it had not been Rose’s birth month, he would not have changed a thing. It was a mere bonus, pure happenstance, that they managed to go on so many romantic dates that month.

As the month plowed on, bringing him ever-closer to Rose’s elusive birthday and to the end of the semester, another date idea came to him. And this time, he intended to make it double as a birthday gift.

With only a week and a half left to go in the month, and Rose’s birthday falling somewhere in that time frame, James woke up one morning to an email from the student life office at the university. They were advertising discounted tickets to a Philadelphia Phillies baseball game at the end of the month. Perfect! He loved showing Rose more of the state she lived in, as well as the culture of America. And honestly, what was more American than a baseball game?

Rose was still asleep as James read the details of the email, though their alarm was due to go off in a few minutes. He silenced it on his phone and instead gently woke Rose up with a series of kisses to any part of her face not smooshed into her pillow. She grunted and buried her face completely into the pillow.

Chuckling, he tried again, this time pressing the long expanse of his body into hers. He shivered when his hips rubbed into her upper thigh; he woke up hard nearly every morning, and today was no exception. Some mornings, he didn’t feel a pressing need to do anything with it; others, when he snuggled up against Rose, his heartbeat concentrated into a dull, throbbing, insistent pulse between his legs. He was experiencing the latter, and hoped she would be in the mood to make love with him.

“Rose,” he murmured, nuzzling his nose into her hair. He wriggled down a few inches and tucked his nose into the join of her neck and shoulder. He kissed her there and smiled when she shuddered. “Rooooose.”

“M’sleepin’,” she mumbled, but she tilted her head to free up her neck for him.

“Oh? Well, I guess we can’t partake in any morning activities I might’ve had planned,” he lamented, though he pressed slow, open-mouthed kisses to her neck. Goosebumps spread across her skin and he could hear her breathing going ragged the longer he kissed her.

She moaned softly when he scraped his teeth across her ear lobe. Finally, she stopped pretending. Turning her face out of her pillow, Rose slung her arm around his shoulders, hauling him closer for a proper kiss.

“Got another date idea,” he breathed between kisses.

“Don’t care,” she answered, chasing his lips.

“I’d like for it to double as your birthday gift.”

“Don’t care,” she repeated. His head emptied of all coherent thought when she reached down between them and took him in her hand, pumping him firmly. His nerves sparked with pleasure as desire settled heavily in his lower belly.

“But I… oh, blimey… I care… God…”

She nipped at his bottom lip and gave him a small squeeze on the upstroke that made stars burst behind his eyes. “You care more about that than what we’re doing?”

He could hardly draw in breath, so focused was he on the addictive rhythm of her hand. Each drag of her fist up and down his length heightened his need for her until he was certain nothing in the world was more important than being inside her.

But the smirk on her face brought out his competitive nature.

“Well, I’m quite cl-clever,” he choked out, trembling when she tightened her hold around him and picked up the pace. “I can walk and chew gum… talk and have se-ex shit!”

Rose guided him between her legs, nudging the tip of him into her wet heat. God, he’d barely paid any attention to her and yet she was so ready. He swallowed down his impatient whimper when she merely teased him, rubbing him through her folds rather than guiding him in.

“Hmm, I clearly am not doing a good enough job,” she mused, her voice frustratingly steady while he could hardly contain his gasps and sighs.

His brain nearly short-circuited. Not doing a good enough job? It was taking every ounce of concentration and restraint he had to try to hold this conversation with her; he would be done for if she tried any harder.

“The university is sponsoring another trip to Phillies… er, Philadelphia,” he squeaked, squeezing his eyes shut to think past the desperate need throbbing through him.

“Oh?” she asked, voice breathless as she stimulated herself with the head of his erection.

“Yeah, yep.” He cleared his throat, hoping it would stop cracking. “A trip to a Phillies game. Professional base-ball!”

Rose slung her leg over his hip and took him inside of her in one smooth, deep movement. Her momentum sent him to his back. Taking full advantage and giving him no reprieve, she sat astride him and began a brutal rhythm that stole his breath, stole his thoughts.

“Shit!” he rasped when the burning pressure in his belly bottomed out. Don’t come, oh God, please don’t come… Baseball. Think of baseball. Phillies, Philadelphia, bus trip, baseball game, showing Rose the stadium, teaching Rose the game… Rose… Rose…

Rose was squeezing him from the inside, giving him such delicious friction as she arched her hips hard into his.

Fighting a losing battle, he choked out, “Sorry… gonna come… sorry… shit!”

Rose caught his lips in a searing kiss as he grunted and panted and moaned his way through his release, trying not to be mortified and to instead enjoy the pleasure and love flooding through him.

He was trembling when his ears stopped roaring. Cheek burning, he groaned and covered his face with his hands.

“That was delightful,” Rose said, a grin in her voice as she lightly tugged at his fingers.

“That was embarrassing,” he countered, moving his hands to her hips. “Sorry.”

She slowly pulled off of him and collapsed onto her back beside him. “You do realize I was trying to do that, right? You’re always so damn considerate and attentive. It was my turn to focus solely on you and getting you off.”

“I feel selfish for coming first,” he complained.

Rose shrugged and pecked a kiss to his temple. “How do you think I feel when you pleasure me more than once before you get off?”

“Hopefully extremely satisfied,” he drawled, winking at her.

She rolled her eyes, but kissed him soundly. “I enjoyed doing that very much for you, so shut up about it.”

He zipped his fingers across his lips, though a grin stretched across them. He caught her lips in another kiss as he let his fingers walk down her body, between her legs. She must have woken up as randy as he had been, because it hardly took any time at all before she arched her back and cried her pleasure into their quiet bedroom.

As she panted and trembled beside him, he stroked her hips, her belly, her thighs, any part of her he could reach, and tried his initial conversation again.

“The university is sponsoring a trip to a Phillies baseball game,” he said. “Have you watched baseball? It’s a fun sport. One of my favorites, actually. I probably ought to get my UK citizenship revoked for that, but I can’t get into the football matches. Though plenty of people find baseball to be boring too. To each their own. Anyways, tickets are twenty dollars, and it covers admission to the game and transportation to and from the stadium. It’s on April twenty-sixth. It’s a night game… 7:05 start time. I would like to make this your birthday gift. Well. One of your birthday gifts, since, really, I want to go to the game anyway, to hell whether it’s your birthday or not. But since I’ve only got about ten days left to choose from, I figure that’s a close enough window to claim it as a birthday gift for you. What do you think? April twenty-sixth… does that sound like a birthday gift to you?”

Rose giggled and pinched his side, drawling, “Very subtle, love.”

James pouted. “Seriously? You’re still not gonna give me your birth date? I’ve been patient all month long!”

Rose cackled. “You liar! You have not at all been patient. At least once a day you beg me to tell you when my birthday is.”

“That is me being patient,” he grumbled, though he grinned when Rose laughed at him again. Even though they would need to get up soon, he tightened his hold around her and snuggled closer to her soft, warm body. “Wanna go to the Phillies game?”

“Sounds like fun,” she replied, running her fingers through his hair. His scalp prickled pleasantly, and he could have easily fallen asleep. But alas…

“We need to get up,” he groaned, burying his face farther into her neck. Rose heaved out a sigh, clearly as reluctant to move as he was. “Wanna share a shower?”

“How could I say no to that?”

With a parting kiss, they rolled out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom.

oOoOo

“You know, I’ve never been to a professional sports stadium before,” Rose said as they strolled, hand in hand, away from the packed parking lot towards Citizens Bank Park, home of the Philadelphia Phillies baseball team. “Wasn’t much into sports back home, and didn’t really have the money for it.”

James gave her hand a squeeze and watched her out of the corner of his eye. Something was… off. She’d been agitated when he’d picked her up from her flat that morning to drive her to the university. She was short and snippy with him, but insisted she was fine even though she obviously wasn’t, which had only annoyed him in return.

He had nearly called off their date to Philly, since she obviously wasn’t having a good day and he didn’t think he could stomach an entire night of forced joviality. However, after classes, she had met him in the library as planned and was decked out in a red Phillies sweatshirt and matching lipstick, greeting him as though their tense morning hadn’t happened.

“Where did you get that?” he’d asked, fluttering his hands at her top.

“The internet. Turns out everything exists on the internet,” she’d teased, bumping her hip into his.

He had been thrown by her chipper mood, and Rose must have sensed that. She reached up for a hug and squeezed him so tightly, it was as if all the tension that had been settled over his body was suddenly gone. She lightly kissed his cheek and whispered, “Sorry for this morning.”

“What was the matter?” he asked, keeping her in his arms for several more seconds.

“I’ll explain later,” she said. “I don’t really wanna talk about it now. I wanna go watch some baseball!”

It had taken everything he had to not snap at her to just bloody talk to him. Instead, he promised himself he would check in with Rose after the game, or perhaps tomorrow, since it would be late by the time they got home. But he wanted to know what was bothering her, and what had been intermittently troubling her these past few weeks.

That dark day she had had nearly a month ago still niggled at the back of his mind. He wanted to ask her what had happened, but so long had passed that he wasn’t sure how to broach the subject.

Hey Rose! Remember that day you yelled at me in the food court then started crying? What happened?

No, that wouldn’t do. Because what if she didn’t remember? What if nothing at all had happened and she’d had a breakdown over a bunch of little things that didn’t matter anymore? He had been hoping she would tell him on her own time, because he didn’t want to press. And it wasn’t as though he had forgotten about the episode, but he often got too caught up in the present with Rose that he wouldn’t think of it until he was alone again. Part of his brain admonished him, telling him that he could easily have that conversation with Rose through text.

Presently, they scanned their admission tickets at the front gate and stepped through the turnstile into the stadium. James inhaled deeply, catching a whiff of cigarette smoke, fresh air, grass, and greasy food. There was a unique and distinct scent of a baseball stadium that he loved.

Rose let go of his hand and darted forward, her gaze locked on the field in front of them. James followed, smiling to himself. He stood behind her and wrapped his arm around her waist as Rose drank in the sight of the enormous baseball friend in front of them. The grass was lush and verdant, neatly trimmed in the familiar crisscross pattern most baseball diamonds favored. The dirt of the infield looked soft and dry, though the grounds crew were in the middle of hosing it down. The late evening sun cast long shadows across the field while the stadium lights, already switched on in preparation for the night game, created a multi-shadow effect as well.

“Selfie?” James asked, fishing his phone from his pocket.

“Need some help?”

James glanced over and saw a young couple approaching them. The woman held her hand out for his phone, which he handed over. He then wrapped his arm around Rose’s middle. She turned into his side and linked her arms loosely around his hips.

The young woman took several photographs for them, all of them beautiful. James thanked her, then reciprocated the gesture, snapping a photograph of the couple with the baseball field behind them.

When the couple had departed, James took Rose’s hand again and they leisurely strolled around the concourse of the stadium. There was a beer stand every dozen paces, it seemed, and though it was ridiculously overpriced, James forked over the money and bought them a beer apiece. They sipped it as they walked, inspecting the various food stands and merchandise on display.

“What the bloody hell is that?”

James laughed when Rose picked up a plush toy of a furry green creature with a plump belly and elongated snout.

“He’s the team’s mascot,” James answered. “The Phillie Phanatic.”

“What is it?”

James shrugged. “The Phanatic. He’s not really anything, I suppose. He’s his own creature. Don’t knock him, though; the fans love him.”

Rose glanced dubiously up at him, but replaced the toy. James made a mental note to order one for her as a gag gift.

As they continued walking, James’s belly rumbled with hunger when he smelled the intoxicating aroma of bread, beef, and cheese.

“If I get a cheesesteak, will you eat half of it?” he asked. “‘Cos I wanna get crab fries too, but I can’t eat both of those by myself. Actually, the crab fries are right over there.” He took Rose’s shoulders in his hands and pivoted her gently, pointing to a concession stand with a giant logo that read Chickie’s & Pete’s. He rooted in his pocket for a crumpled twenty-dollar bill. “Will you get us an order of fries? With cheese.”

“Er… okay,” Rose said, blinking. “What the hell is a crab fry?”

James snorted. “French fries—chips—with old bay seasoning. They’re really good, I promise.”

Rose leaned up and pecked a kiss to his cheek. “You’re lucky I trust your taste in food.”

She left him to go get their crab fries, while he stood in the Tony Luke’s line for a cheesesteak. Though the line was nearly thirty-people deep, it moved very quickly. Ten minutes later, he spotted Rose waiting for him in a secluded corner near the ramp they would need to take to go to their second-deck seats.

The university had bought out an entire section in right field, and James recognized many of the students lounging in the seats. He had managed to procure front-row end seats for him and Rose. He allowed her to take the end seat, then plopped unceremoniously onto the hard blue chair beside her.

“Beautiful, innit?” he asked, nudging his elbow into her ribs.

“It’s a gorgeous night,” she agreed. “Look at that sunset.”

“View’s nice too,” James said, leaning forward in his seat to look down at the field. Apart from losing a little bit of vision of the right field playing area directly beneath them, they could see the entire ballfield very well.

There was a half hour to go before game time, so they ate their dinner and chatted mindlessly with each other and with their fellow schoolmates who had come on the trip as well. They posed for a giant group photo that was then shared to all of the university’s social media pages.

James was full and content by the time the Phillies players took the field, and he draped his arm around Rose’s shoulders as he explained the rules of baseball to her.

The game was fairly straightforward, with no tricky calls he had to break down for her. There was a ton of action in the first few innings, with both team getting a few home runs, including a grand slam by one of the Phillies’ stars. The stadium erupted with cheers and the LED Liberty Bell began to ring as the Phillie trotted his way around the bases. Rose appeared to be caught up in the atmosphere, jumping and cheering along with the crowd.

It was fun, James thought, to be sharing this with Rose. He made a mental note to keep an eye out for other discounted ticket specials, even if it wasn’t for the Phillies. A minor league team was based close to the university, and he imagined he could get tickets fairly cheaply, if it would be something Rose was interested in.

During one of the inning breaks, Rose had turned to him, flushed and beaming. She looked breathtaking, with the lights from the stadium glowing behind her and casting her hair in a golden halo around her head. He felt his mouth go dry and his heart kick up a notch.

Rose frowned at him. “What? You all right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I…” He swallowed thickly, then smiled at her. “You’re beautiful.”

Her cheeks flushed a deeper red and a shy smile crossed her face. He reached over to brush a stray wisp of hair from her face, but then kept his hand on her cheek. “Love you.”

They moved at the same time, leaning closer until their noses brushed, then their lips pressed together. The noises of the stadium disappeared, lost in the heavy pounding of his heart as he kissed Rose. Her mouth was warm and soft, though felt a little funny with the slightly waxy texture of her lipstick.

He had meant for it to be a quick little kiss, though he should have known better; how often was he able to give Rose only one kiss? Angling his head slightly to the side, James lost himself in her, in the warmth of her hands. One of them was on the nape of his neck, the other at his waist, clinging to his sweatshirt as he devoured her lips. His tongue swept along hers, then trailed across the roof of her mouth. He delighted in her full-body shiver.

Before he could do it again, there was an explosion of noise around them.

“Hey, you’re not making a porno here!”

James wrenched away from Rose, blinking dazedly at the person who had interrupted them. It was one of their fellow students. He nudged James’s shoulder, then pointed towards the giant screen above left-center field.

His own dazed face looked back at him.

Kiss Cam. Oh, dear…

He grinned sheepishly at the camera, then pecked a chaste kiss to Rose’s temple. She looked equally abashed. Blessedly, the camera panned away from them, though the crowd of university students around them continued jeering and teasing.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” he murmured to Rose.

“S’not your fault. I wasn’t exactly beating you off of me.” He snorted and kissed her cheek. “You’ve got lipstick on you.”

James licked his swollen, tingling lips. A moment later, Rose cradled his jaw in her palm and rubbed a damp napkin across his mouth. It came away stained red. Her own mouth was smudged with lipstick, and he helped her clear it off, too.

“You are too enticing,” he concluded when they were lipstick free. “How am I supposed to restrain myself from kissing you?”

“Maybe you shouldn't,” Rose drawled, and she leaned up to plant a hard kiss to his mouth again.

Of course, the Kiss Cam found them once again, to the delight of the stadium, and to their fellow students, who didn’t let them live it down for the rest of the night.

The last few innings passed without much excitement and ended with the Phillies winning seven to four over the Miami Marlins. They were exhausted as they traipsed to the charter bus that would take them back to the school.

It was just after eleven o’clock when the bus returned to campus, and almost midnight by the time James pulled up in front of Rose’s flat. For once, he was staying overnight with her, per her request. The climb up to her fifth-floor flat was exhausting, and James wanted to curl up with Rose and go directly to sleep.

“What time is it?” Rose muttered to herself when she unlocked her front door and stepped into her dark flat. She flipped on the lights and glanced in the direction of the stove; 11:42 glowed green from the digital display. “Ooof, gotta wee. Stay here!”

She sprinted down the hall and slammed the bathroom door behind her. James was left laughing and shaking his head at her.

He set his keys and wallet down on the kitchen table, but as he was about to toe off his shoes, an open, hand-written letter caught his eye. He didn’t mean to snoop, but his eyes and brain worked independently of each other and before he knew it, he’d glanced at the end of the letter, where the name Jimmy was printed in a messy scribble.

His ears rang hollowly and his head swam. Jimmy. Jimmy? As in, Jimmy Stone? Jimmy Stone, Rose’s wanker of an ex-boyfriend?

A righteous anger welled up in James; what the hell did Jimmy want with Rose? And how dare he contact her out of the blue after all this time.

Before he was entirely aware of his actions, James plucked up the piece of paper, eyes frantically scanning across the words.

Rosie,

I’ve started this letter half a dozen times now, and I’m no closer to knowing how to say exactly what I want to say. It seems surreal that we’ve been talking again. I’ve missed you so much, you have no idea. It’s like I’ve found a piece of myself I didn’t know was lost. I’m not complete without you, and I hate the person I am without you.

This past month has been the happiest of my life because I’ve been able to talk to you again. I am thankful that you let me apologize, because there is nothing more I’ve wanted to do for the last six months. Getting sober has made me realize a lot of things, but it especially showed me that I missed you and that I want you. The worst mistake I ever made was how I treated you, and I will spend the rest of my life hating myself for it. I will spend the rest of my life (our life?) making it up to you.

I love you, Rosie. I love you so fucking much. You make me feel like I can do anything, and I love how I feel when I’m with you. We were the best thing to ever happen to me, and I’m such an idiot for destroying the perfect, wonderful life we had made together. I think I was scared. I was scared of not being able to support the both of us with my music, and I was scared about how much I needed you. You were a comfort to me, something I knew would always be there for me, something reliable, and it was scary for me to need anything that much. But I’m not scared anymore, and I know I can make it work this time. As you said, we were young, stupid kids and we made young, stupid mistakes. Now we can start fresh and build something even better than before.

I know you’re at school in America (which I always knew you could do! I always knew you were smart enough for school, despite what you said about yourself). I’m happy you’re enjoying your time in America. I want you to enjoy your time there, while you can. I’ll be here waiting for you when you come home. I’ll wait forever for you because you’re worth it. You’re so worth it, Rosie. I would wait a thousand years for you if I needed to. I hope I don’t have to though.

This time we can work harder together to make us work. I know you might not be ready to trust me yet, but I promise I will show you how serious I am. How committed I am. I will do whatever it takes to make this work between us, because I hate the thought of my life without you in it.

In the meantime, texting you will hold me over. I cherish every day, every moment that I can talk to you.

All my love,

Jimmy

James could barely think, could barely breathe. Something was squeezing his chest tighter and tighter until he thought he might suffocate as he read and reread the words of the letter. The love letter. The love letter that Rose’s ex-boyfriend wrote to her after a month—a month?!—of them having texted back and forth.

Acid churned in the pit of his stomach, eating away at his guts and making him certain he was about to vomit all over Rose’s floor. And worst of all, his chest was collapsing in on itself and his heart was breaking into more pieces than he thought possible. An entire month, Rose had been texting her ex-boyfriend—the ex-boyfriend she had supposedly written off and hadn’t deigned to contact in three and a half years.

And she hadn’t told him. A month, and she hadn’t said a single word.

His pulse thundered in his ringing ears so loudly that he didn’t hear the approaching footsteps until the sheet of paper was abruptly yanked out of his hands.

oOoOo

It was a relief to empty her bladder after holding it for most of the trip home. She had been tempted to use the toilets at the stadium, but the lines had been impossibly long.

With that need dealt with, Rose washed her hands and then her face. She felt greasy and grimy, and would have preferred to get a shower, but she only had a couple minutes before midnight, and she could finally tell James it was her birthday. She deserved a damn medal for not spilling the beans early—though there had been a few close calls—but she couldn’t deny it had been fun to play with James all month. She couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought to simply look at her identification card, where her birthday was plainly printed in bold. But that was her James, wasn’t it? The smartest idiot in the room.

She rushed to brush her teeth and comb out her hair before she left the bathroom and skipped to her kitchen/dining/living room.

James stood by the kitchen table, a sheet of paper in his hands and a stricken expression on his pale face.

Oh. Oh, no… Her stomach dropped. He was reading the disgusting letter that had arrived from Jimmy out of the blue yesterday afternoon.

She didn’t know whether she was more embarrassed, considering the content of the letter James was reading, or angry that he had snooped through her things and read her mail. The former won, but fueled the latter.

Rushing up to him, Rose yanked the letter harshly out of his fingers. He flinched as though she had struck him.

“What are you doing?” she snapped, folding up the paper and setting it on the kitchen table beneath one of her class notebooks.

“What am I doing? What are you doing? You’ve been chatting with your ex-boyfriend for an entire month?!”

There was an awful combination of accusation and hurt in his voice that simultaneously grated against her nerves and broke her heart. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to find out about Jimmy like this. He wasn’t supposed to read that letter until she had explained the past couple weeks to him.

No, not merely a couple weeks. A month. It had been an entire month (and a little extra) since Jimmy first contacted her, and Rose hadn’t said a single word about it to James. Shit.

“I was going to tell you,” she said weakly. “I just…”

“Just hid it from me by accident, did you?” he said, condescension dripping from his every word.

Rose clenched her fists and her jaw before coldly replying, “I didn’t realize I needed your permission to talk to anybody, or that I needed to tell you about every person I talk to. Sorry, d’you want to know about the bloke I chatted to while I was waiting for you in the library today? Wanna know about the girl I met at work ‘cos she’d recently broken up with her girlfriend and needed to talk to someone? Wanna know about…”

She knew she was being ridiculous but she couldn’t make herself stop until James interrupted her.

“Of course you don’t need to tell me about everyone you talk to.” Two pink stains spread across his cheeks. “But I would have hoped you would have trusted me enough to tell me when your ex-boyfriend, the ex-boyfriend you claimed to despise, contacts you!”

Rose crossed her arms in front of herself, gripping the fabric of her sweatshirt so tightly that her fingertips began to ache. “This isn’t about trust, James.”

“No? Well, it sure seems like it is. Because you don’t actually trust me, do you? Not nearly to the extent that I trust you. I’ve shared everything with you, Rose. Everything! I told you about the worst night of my life. How it still haunts me and gives me nightmares like I’m a child again rather than a grown man. But you…”

He flapped his arms wildly before letting them fall limply to his sides, clearly out of words. But he didn’t need any more words; the ones he’d hurled at her hit their mark, cracking her heart wide open. He didn’t think she trusted him?

Suddenly wanting him to hurt as much as she did, she met his eye and said, “I didn’t make you share any of that with me. You did that on your own. You opening up to me doesn’t mean I’m obligated to do the same to you.”

It happened almost in slow motion, the way his face crumpled. The way his chin wobbled and his lips parted slightly with a soft, nearly inaudible, “Oh.” The way a crinkle formed between his brows, and beneath them, his eyes grew shiny with moisture.

Shit. Shit shit shit!

“James, I…” I’m sorry… I didn’t mean that…

His throat bobbed as he swallowed thickly, then his face smoothed into a mask of a person she didn’t recognize. Even before they became friends, when he was the random cute bloke sitting in front of her in their chemistry class, he exuded more warmth than he did right now.

“How silly of me to expect some level of reciprocity in this relationship,” he said coolly.

“I didn’t mean that, James,” she muttered, wringing her hands in front of herself. “Really. I didn’t. I’m sorry. I just… I didn’t want you to find out like this. I wanted to tell you the whole thing. I was going to tell you all about it, I swear.”

He barked out a laugh, and it was one of the worst noises she’d ever heard. “Oh, yeah? When were you gonna drop that one? When we’re old and gray in rocking chairs in a nursing home? ‘Darling, remember when we were first dating? Remember that horrible ex-boyfriend I had? He texted me—ha! Remember when texting was all the rage?’ Exactly when were you planning to tell me?”

Any sympathy she had for him had evaporated and her rage returned with a vengeance.

“Obviously if you’re acting like this, I was right to not tell you! Why are you being so unreasonable?”

“Unreasonable? Unreasonable?! My girlfriend has been texting the bloke she used to be in love with, and I’m being unreasonable?”

“Yes, you are! So what if I was texting him? What does it matter who I text on my own bloody phone?”

“You’re missing the entire bloody point!” he shouted, his voice cracking. “I’m not angry that you’re texting him…”

“Clearly,” she grumbled, grinding her teeth together.

“…I’m angry that you felt the need to keep it a secret,” he continued as though she hadn’t interrupted. “And I’m upset because why did you keep it a secret? And what on earth could you two have been talking about if he sent you this… this…” James flapped his hands uselessly to the table and the notebook under which Jimmy’s letter sat. “...this love letter?! For all I bloody know, you could be wanting to get back together with him and…”

“No, don’t you dare,” Rose hissed, voice trembling. Tears of fury and heartbreak burned behind her eyes, blurring her vision. “Don’t you fucking dare accuse me of that. After everything I told you about Jimmy—and don’t tell me I haven’t told you anything. Just because you seem to have selective memory doesn't mean I never told you about his drinking and partying, and how he stopped paying his half of the bills, and how he manipulated me to always feel badly about myself. After everything I told you, how could you even think I would want to go back to him?”

A flash of guilt appeared in James’s eyes. He blinked and lowered his gaze, staying silent.

“Even if he hadn’t treated me like shit, how could you take away everything you and I have done together? Everything we’ve built together? How could you think I would leave us behind for someone I fell out of love with years ago?” She sniffled as her tears finally fell, streaking down her cheeks in hot, wet rivulets of grief and misery. “Do you think that little of me? That I would willingly go back to a relationship like that when what we have is so wonderful? Do you think so little of us?”

James scrubbed his fingers through his hair, making a tousled mess of the limp and somewhat greasy strands; they were in dire need of a wash.

“No. No, of course I don’t…”

“You just said so,” she argued, impatiently wiping her face dry. “You just said…”

“I didn’t really mean it. But you have to understand… relationships are so new to me. You’re the longest relationship I’ve ever been in, and we’ve only been dating for four months. Christ, teenagers in school manage to have longer relationships than this. How pathetic am I for being so illiterate when it comes to love and romance? I barely know what I’m doing half the time, and God knows if I’ve been mucking this all up but you’re too nice to tell me…”

Rose’s head was spinning as her heart fought to beat its way out of her chest. She’d heard this before… she’d heard this all far too many times.

I didn’t mean it; I just drank too much…

You’re remembering wrong, I didn’t say it like that…

You’re being ridiculous. Calm down and maybe we can talk like normal people…

I was so drunk I don’t remember doing that…

I’m the worst piece of shit, Rosie, and I’m sorry, please forgive me…

She shook her head as though she could physically shake Jimmy’s voice out of her ears. Instead, she tried to focus on James’s words rather than map them on top of Jimmy’s.

“This is me telling you now that you are mucking this up…”

But James continued on as though she hadn’t spoken. And with how dry her mouth had become, she wasn’t sure if her words had been audible.

“...And you could be wanting to be in a relationship with someone who’s got a bloody clue as to what they’re doing. Why wouldn’t you prefer to be in a relationship with someone else…?”

“Because I love you, you stupid fucking arsehole!” Rose yelled, which caught his attention. He met her eyes and blinked slowly, as though confused. As though she were revealing a secret he’d never been privy to. “Yes, I love you, but you knew this! At least, I thought you did. I love you so much but you are breaking my heart, James. Haven’t you believed me these last four months?”

His mouth worked wordlessly for a few long and agonizing seconds.

“I… yeah.” His tone suggested otherwise, though, and she nearly began crying with frustration. All this time… all these months… Had none of it been real? Had he been pretending this whole time?

“Thanks for that vote of confidence.” She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes until bright lights burst behind her closed lids. “Thanks a lot, James.”

“I just…” He groaned, sounding as miserable as she felt. Good. “I’m so bloody new at this! I’m making it all up as I go and I’m worried I haven’t been doing a good job. I get nervous that one day you’re going to wake up and realize how rubbish I am at this. That you’ll get sick of holding my hand through all of this as I learn. I’m terrified you’re going to decide you’re done wasting your time with me, because you’re wonderful, and you deserve the best and I…”

“Stop!” Rose cried, a sob stealing the air from her lungs. “I don’t want to hear this. You have just… broken everything we’ve been building, James.” She hiccupped on another sob and impatiently sucked in a lungful of air. “We were supposed to be partners… I wanted us to be partners… I thought we were partners. We were supposed to be equals in this relationship. I don’t want you to put me up on a bloody pedestal, or for you to talk down about yourself or make excuses for yourself. I don’t want there to be this… this inequality between us for the rest of our lives. But if that’s always how it’s gonna be… if that’s how you’re always going to see us, as you being somehow lesser than me…” The force of her tears made her entire body shake. It felt like someone had blown a hole through her chest; she couldn’t breathe. “…then I don’t think we can make this work.”

The tears that had been threatening in James’s eyes fell down his pale cheeks. “What? Rose…?”

She buried her face in her hands, willing herself to calm down. But how could she be calm when it felt like the world was spinning too fast? James had been her tether, her anchor, keeping her grounded to the surface. But he’d let go, or maybe she had, and now she was crashing alone through the void. Lost. Adrift.

“You… are you breaking up with me?” His voice was so hoarse that she could hardly hear it. Though that might have been because her pulse was thudding in her ears instead.

Was she breaking up with him?

“I don’t… no… yes? I don’t know. I don’t want to. God, I don’t want to.” She swallowed the thick lump in her throat. “I love you more than I’ve loved anyone. And right now, that really bloody scares me. I fought so hard, put up with so much, to make things with Jimmy work when I should have called it quits long before it all ended. And I didn’t love him nearly as much as I love you. I’m terrified about what I’ll let happen… what I’ll excuse… I can’t do that again, James. I won’t do that again.”

He reached out for her, but she couldn’t let him touch her. She couldn’t feel his fingers on any part of her body. Not right now.

She raised her hands in front of herself and retreated a pace, nearly tripping over her shoes from where she’d kicked them off at the door.

The door.

With trembling fingers, Rose undid the deadbolt. “I- I want you to leave now.”

“No, wait,” he pleaded, raw urgency in his voice. But he didn’t come any closer to her. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Rose. I didn’t mean… I didn’t mean anything… I didn’t mean… I didn’t… Please…”

She’d never heard James, her eloquent, loquacious James, struggle this much for words. His eyes grew wild the longer he went without managing a sentence.

“Please,” he repeated, frantic. “Please, Rose. Don’t do this.”

She drew in a shuddering breath and closed her eyes. It was late, and she was so bloody exhausted. She didn’t want to be having this conversation anymore, but she knew it was far from over.

“I need a break,” she said wearily. “I’m tired, James. I’m so tired.”

“We can’t leave it like this,” he rasped through a stifled sob. “Please.”

Rose met his gaze. Everything was written on his face, his grief and terror and heartbreak. He looked impossibly young.

“We’re taking a break for the night,” she repeated. She paused for a beat, then, scrambling for some sort of comic relief, quipped, “Not Ross and Rachel’s version of a break, mind. A time out, more like.”

James either didn’t process the joke or didn’t find it funny, because he was still staring at her with that stricken expression that made her want to wrap him in her arms and apologize for everything that had been said that night.

But she couldn’t make herself move.

“I love you, Rose,” he whispered.

“I know.” That’s why this is so damn painful. “I love you too.” Maybe too much.

Rose had always thought of their love as a fire. A soft, cozy fire, and together they basked in its light and warmth. But maybe they’d gotten too comfortable, gotten too confident, gotten too close; now they were burning, and oh, God, did it hurt.

“Goodnight James,” she murmured, opening the door for him.

He numbly walked towards it, completely forgetting about his phone, keys, and wallet on her table until she went and picked them up. His hands were cold and sweating as she handed him his things.

“Drive safe,” she said. “Text me when you make it home.”

He made a wordless noise she thought was assent, then he was gone, walking silently down the many flights of steps they’d cheerfully bounded up mere moments earlier.

God, how long had it even been? It felt like an entire lifetime had passed. Rose glanced at the clock. 11:58. Sixteen minutes. Sixteen horrible, heartbreaking minutes was all it had taken for Rose’s world to come crashing down around her feet.

She went to her window and peered down at the dark street, waiting. Half a minute later, James stepped out from beneath the front porch of her building and ambled slowly to his car. He moved as though through treacle, as though he were tugging an invisible weight behind himself.

She continued watching him, but James simply sat there in his car in the dark. The clock switched over to 12:00, ringing in April twenty-seventh. She’d planned to kiss him at midnight, as though it were New Year’s Eve, and tell him that he could finally wish her a Happy Birthday.

All of a sudden, her game of keeping her birthday a secret wasn’t fun anymore, and twenty-two didn’t look as optimistic as it had been.

The distant purr of an engine drew her attention to the street below. James had started his car and was pulling away from the curb, taking off down the empty street.

Rose fully gave in to the sorrow she had been fighting back for the past quarter of an hour. Sinking down onto her couch, she bent double over her knees and sobbed her heart out, grieving for all that had shattered that night, and for the unanswerable question of whether broken things could be ever mended.

#ficandchips #doctorroseprompts #dwfic #doctor who #ten x rose #ten x rose au #james x rose #university au #romance #angst #hurt/comfort #my fic #chemical reaction #catalysis series #chemical potential sequel

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lady-plantagenet · 4 years

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A Bygone Era - Chapter 8

A fictional account written by me of Lady Isabel Neville’s life told through the points of view of her and those who knew her. Based on history, as opposed to the series!

Points of views so far include: Anne Beauchamp Countess of Warwick, Lady Anne Neville, George Duke of Clarence, Lady Isabel Neville, Richard Neville Earl of Warwick and Cecily Neville, Dowager Duchess of York (in that order)

[Text]:

22nd November 1469

Just as court was about to break and the waning light cowered at the cold snap outside, then entered her goddaughter in hand with her son. When the gentler lady Anne smiled all defects were said to be erased, Isabel did rarely. Each knew their strengths. This sext came and yet it was both she and her son who bore grins that flashed sharply as the clashes in their damasked cloths. Terre verte were the doublet and gown like the livery of Clarence. A fitting colour for the son that ne'er looked to his elder brother for idolation nor any forebearer of theirs. Only his saintly namesake or Gawain, tester of knights would do. Did not St Denis too, like the green knight, carry his severed head in the nook of his arm, where flowers grew beneath his feet whence he thread?

For a surety, her goddaughter appeared to think they did for her, as she long-limbed (her father's daughter indeed) gaited in large strides to match with her son. But St Denis is too French. Perchance she fancies herself Olwen from Mabinogion instead. More Briton, more Arthurian. Isabel did not roll her hips sensuously like ladies loosely did in Edward's presence, but paced with proud finesse. The Bull of Clarence was pinned centerer on George's brocaded crosses and vines than it lay in Isabel's matching brooch. Cecily's eyes caught it with the Neville Red on George's hose and the image of a target instinctively swam up before her.

She drew away, twisting her fingers on one hand while shielding it from impropriety beneath the other. My boy, sometimes I do believe you do not live in the same world as we. Where all men I know yearn to survive, you act as if that were not the fundament to living. George knelt with Isabel in unison, where a week ago he did the same with his new father of Warwick. The Bears, staffs and bulls in her hem crumpled in an indecipherable mound of colours against the Plantagenet and Neville arms emblazoned on her skirt.

After an inclination of Cecily's head towards her son, the king's brown eyes seeking her own across the room to be directed, he gathered both the Clarences in his arms. He rubbed the Duchess' small back upsetting the dense Arctic fox fur at her linings, making her wince as George let out a couch as a large hand slapped him on the back in bonhomie. 'Most gracious lady, be welcome at our court as our beloved sister of York', he glanced down at the curvature she made no effort in concealing, he said ever more quietly and coaxingly 'I see felicitations are in order, madame. Is it a niece or a nephew you are to give me?'

'I pray that when it may be born, it posses the sex your grace desire' replied Isabel politely, Cecily would have guffawed at that, if she were elsewhere and knew how. Edward, the son with a natural talent at the baleful word for the kin, where others see only an over-familiarity of manner. Chided him often and decisively Cecily did: 'do not refill the goblet of the man you call for audience more oft than thrice unless he ask', 'use a commissioner when collecting benevolences from merchants, do not write nor go yourself as if an equal', 'prithee tell me you did not marry Lady Grey'. All but the latter, to which he responded with taciturnity were accepted with a free smile and forgotten by him as quickly as they were said.

'And If what I desire is for a companion to the princesses Elizabeth, Mary and Cecily?' Cecily could see the eyes suddenly let out in that fine long face, stunned, Isabel took a step back and said flatly: 'then it be by god that your will shall be delivered, if it were up to us mothers to make that selection, in what different passes we would find ourselves in-'. The more brazen of courtiers shot a look at the much changed queen and how she clenched her fists about the throne's arms. She has become George's wife. It now matter not whether In the carrying tides of that remark, what were betokened were the same as that which were meant. The difference, if existing would affect the content of the waters, but it will not change its force. Christ have mercy on them. Wherefore she garbed herself thus?- Cecily raised her head to look at her again: her henin where rubies and emeralds whirled about its cream base and the gauze mounted on wires soared above even the queen's, where the black velvety fall broached with ex honore de clare fell as richly as any crown. Needed the court reminding of the lack of male heir? Reminding of the Clarences' power? Cecily noted John of Norfolk's interest piqued by the shifting in the room, the prolictivity in his blue eyes libidinous. Nothing can be out of the question now, not now with this cousin of Clarence who was ever more willing to help his ilk, whatever it took for him to be king.

'Today is my saint's day' thought Cecily quietly to herself, remarking how it had gone thoroughly unnoticed. She decided that after supper with George, when her will should temper his nerves like water for a heated sword fresh from the forge, they could honour St Cecilia's musical gift with a reprise of the melodies of old. When all attendants would be dismissed, she hoped he would accompany her cittern on his recorder as they once used to. It had soothed her so some ten years ago.

It was moons later that Cecily again spoke to that son in private, the ground was still hoary with what promised to be a laboriously long winter. Even the Scarlett tiles of the turrets of Baynard Castle's were steeped in true frost, darkened to a murky brown admist the wet whirling hoare outside. she felt George's hands grow clammy and was reminded of how he still hated the cold as when he was a child.

'Mome, why are you all of a sudden fussing over my hair?' he asked as she moved on to straightening a golden thread that lay askew from his cloak lining. He was the only one of her sons she did not chastise for not addressing her 'lady mother', unobservant to this hierarchy, like all that he did not agree with, then as now he was the least pliable of all her children. An honest rapport had nevertheless established itself between them, and she was never gladder of it than today.

'I have asked Edward to luncheon with us. Him only' she said sitting him beside her 'I would that you tell him what you told me. It is high time you behave as the brothers the creator made you' she could see him turning away and crossing his arms, she half-expected, a pout when she guided him back to face her. He only stared at her turbulently with his large eyes, she could detect faint worry in his voice when he said 'Have you yet not accepted my apologies, when shall my penance end, mome? I now know it was a slander but I have said my forgivenesses and you have accepted them until I saw you go blue in the face!'

'Jesus wept, I am not punishing you George! As for talk of my infidelity, I am beggining to see my troublesome nephew in all this more than you. It makes no matter now, it is god's judgement that concerns me and Parliament's judgement for the better, did not believe it, as we have all clearly seen' she said tersely enough for it to warn, but now fearing she was causing him upset. 'Let this be a lesson on the nature of the spoken word and how it hangs forever, young or old as you were when you said it'. She now looked at him expectantly.

'The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever utters slander is a fool' recited George 'Proverbs 10:18, but truly you understand-' They were interrupted by the thump of Edward's steps quickly approaching. She shot him a look she hoped he could read as affirmative.

'Brother' they offered each other through gritted teeth

They took their places on the chaises Cecily laid out facing each other, she herself was seated across them, in her front and between them the fire gurgled and spat, its amber sinews flailing desperately in heating the solar.

Edward, resting his flushed face over his fists looked intently at George with the intelligent brown eyes of their mother 'I did not think to find you here George, you have been amiss of late. Our cousin is already departed to Middleham'

Instinctively George rolled back, burying himself into the satined cushions 'I had been making preparations to return to Tutbury, I think the time fit for my lady wife to accustom herself with the runnings of my estates, when she leaves her confinement of course'

'Ha yes, the Lady Isabel, our lady mother tells me that she made an impression on Margaret. An intelligent creature she says...' Edward was trailing off. Cecily shuffled her heavy jet skirts. You have never read me quite well, but for the love of god do not speak of the marriage fine to George. She coughed and George eyed her with the suspicious attentiveness as he was wont to do. '...I'll leave to our sister, the judgement of characters, but I do not think Lady Isabel likes me much. Extend her my apologies if I have offended her in any way'

'If you are referring to your banter at Warwick Castle the summer past. Do not worry brother, she is not wroth at you, but her person is of an easily vexed nature' George lied courteously and after a moment's pause returned hopefully with, 'But brother, I should like to go to Ireland thereafter when the sea is tame'

'To Ireland George?' asked a puzzled Edward. A little smile visited Cecily when she said 'Yes Edward, George told me at length of his desire to take up his lieutenant duty in truth. Oh but how the Irish shall be reminded of your father (god rest his soul) when a son of York returns among them' The Irish Child we would jokingly call him when he was an over-enthused bairn, terrorising his nurse Joan and taking off with his horse whenever it suited him. Half-a-lifetime ago when his hair still held a runnish tinge and the land grew green with promise. 'One of us' she remembered the celts shouting as she held the swaddling brought to be christened in their churches. The great Earls of Desmond and Ormond, his godfathers, had loomed above the babe as ominous whispers of a 'son of ireland' echoed in every hollow of that Dublin Dominican Priory, around them and in her and the smiling Duke of York, king to be. 'In any case, should Worcester truly be the one granted this charge, him the butcher of England? George has grown Edward'

'George-' he started slowly as if the aforementioned were not among them 'Has still much to learn, lady mother. Do not think I give him no credit, indeed may I offer some by candidly proffering how I do see much of myself in him when I was at his youth? But, Desmond's death left too large a vacuus and I believe it a task beyond anyone but the most seasoned of men. One no charm, no matter how radiant be George's can placate'. It disdained and impressed her to see him then lay expectant of an ensuing outburst from his younger brother, brilliant eyes in a purple-capped brunette head, which now lolled at rest onto his upturned wrist.

The rebuttal: 'The exactions were most unwise. Come now brother, would you suppress their rights to their names and fishing rights and not expect opposition from below? This is the making of martyrs'. Though obvious, this remarks had lain undetected for unimplicating the Queen's name. Edward was growing weary against the acclamaitions still held by many of how it was his Elizabeth that procured the execution of Clarence's god-brother, the beloved and iconic Desmond. They many and small fell upon like flurries of snow on his patience, which like a bowed branch, would snap the mound in halves if tested again.

This was not to be the day, for Cecily made certain that her younger son had shed the urge to push his conspiracies, in having made herself the sole and patient recipient to them all already. She had asked him how much of this he told to Warwick's daughter, 'for she seems ever a doting daughter to her sire' she had cautioned him last they met. 'Mome, when you Neville married Plantagenet, did your allegiance not lie with the latter? Why would it be different with the Lady Belle?'. He is warry still of my having tried to dissuade him at Sandwich before he sailed to his wedding. I pray my goddaughter was not made to believe I did not want her for a daughter by marriage. Two women more different have never been. But by Jove, the ripples of that marriage are every bit as malignant as the ones set by Jacquetta's girl.

'I was not happy with those reforms, perhaps it is Ulster and our De Burgh blood that makes me too carry some love for the Gaels. Nevertheless George..' he said with lazy confidence 'You remain green. Youth is a delicate flower, and when touched stunted, wholly confined as a thing forgone to what we call childhood. I confess I was never one to relish the haggardly responsibility of rulership, my birthright sat on me the crowns and sceptres of kingship not any desire of my own. Richard and you, you both ever so call for this burden, now the former is a boy no longer. As for you, withdrawn these years past, must count your spirit spared' his warm eyes squinted at George's for a semblance of understanding, where it was apparent broiled only restlessness. Cecily could see him too glance at her before he spoke 'Or perhaps, I mark you wrong. Come then brother, if you are determined to harden like Richard I promise to involve you in matters of state, a chamberlaincy perhaps'

Cecily noted how George looked noticeably crestfallen, a sullen face amidst the gold embroidery about his cloaks, caps and tresses. 'Some advice too perhaps' she heard Edward then say 'I would not have handled that affair with Caister Castle and Norfolk as you did when I was under your custody. It was so apparent that the siege was naught but a desperate attempt of Mowbray to save himself from his frayed finances'

'Not honourable?, I had written back to Margaret Paston, and to Norfolk ordering that their retainers are to leave Caister unmolested' protested George 'We owe our kinsmen repayement for their loyalties'

'Daubenay, their loyal servant was still slain. Your good intentions notwithstanding' The jittering of the oriel windows grew into an incessant rattle as icy winds ran with the tension raising into the room, from the shadowed corner where she previously believed them she banished them.

'Enough you two' she wanted to snap, but instead said calmly, reaching for their hands as if in a congregation 'It is both a mother's blessing and curse to be endowed with such intelligent boys' she turned to each when addressing them 'Edward, no son of York, less your father, could possibly resign himself to a mere ornament. You are surely now satisfied that George is possessed of some talents. Perchance if they were directed for good, it would benefit the realm, think you not hmm? George, the opportunity has come for you to show yourself a man for peace, for some it is the harder task, it is nevertheless the more important mark of kingship. If you find my utterance of this truism insulting to your intelligence, then make sure my nephew of Warwick also understands this'

Her pout, that age made lovelier into a semblance of a rose, formed into 'that secret motherly smile' (as her sons liked to call it), it was such a rare sight that the boys' free hands reached across to each other's arms in a show of conciliation. George was the first 'Peace, lady mother, it would sadden me to see your efforts unhonoured. Pardie brother'

'See your apology as accepted. I also beg your forgiveness for any trespasses I may have made against you' Edward followed with his famed magnanimousity.

'Say, I hear the rings for Compline. How about we go yonder to St Paul's to pray for your success against the Lincolnshire rebels. An offering, if you will, dear brother' said George saccharinely. Edward nodded amiably and uplifted by his brother's equally famed winning smile accepted his hand. The hands reunited after they drew their fur-trimmed cloaks tighter about them in preparation for a combatting wind.

Not insulted, but pleased Cecily was, that they did not extend the invitation to her. I shall leave them to each other to do the rest, my work is done. She was once more served a cruel reminder of her own foregone youth when she bent with some difficulty for her book of hours. As her shrinking figure paced underneath the countless inverted vaults to her chapel she recalled a conversation she had long buried with her husband regarding the complexities of conflict and the unseen historical forces at play. ' This is not a tale of fate you loveable fool. It is one of a king's neglect for a cousin and brother who react like hurt children when they feel unloved' she thought, and would rephrase and repeat to herself in the coming weeks until it brought some comfort.

#the white queen #isabel neville #george of clarence #a bygone era #ao3 #I wrote this #compliments and criticism equally welcome #richard neville earl of warwick #anne beauchamp #anne neville #cecily neville #wars of the roses #george duke of clarence #edward IV

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veryshittypoetry · 4 years

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tag yourself as my music taste

dvsn: listening to music at 1 am, doing your hair for a party your crush is attending, neon lights, bass boost, sparkly lipgloss, high heels, runny mascara, dancing, feeling like you’re the hottest person in the world

declan mckenna: screaming at the top of your lungs, eyeshadow that looks like you’re crying glitter, sweating at a concert but having the time of your life, telling your best friend that they are loved, kissing someone and feeling nothing

conan gray: crying one moment out of sadness and another of anger, beat up converse, flailing your limbs as your favorite song plays on repeat, laying on the ground completely still as your tears fall down your face, looking up at the stars and immediately finding your favorite constellation, sweatshirts and small towns

harry styles: strumming a guitar with bleeding fingers, high-waisted pants, walking in heels, playing with someone else’s hair, ex-girlfriends that you still adore, being underwater in a tub and only being able to hear the bass of your music, smiling and meaning it wholeheartedly, eyes flooding with secrets

arctic monkeys: snow in your eyelashes, logic, a voice that’s a little too husky, wet sleeves from washing your hands, using long words and knowing exactly what they mean, drunk sarcasm, minor chords on an out-of-tune piano, combat boots that are too worn, cold hands, the smell of winter

snail mail: primary colors, short and choppy haircuts, taking selfies but deleting them all, a voice that’s a little too smooth, a guitar with worn stickers, late night breakups, late night reconciliations, forging signatures, bitter iced tea

ps this is my first attempt at one of these so like dont judge too hard also im conan xx

#poetry #tag yourself #tag yourselves #conan gray #declan mckenna #music #dvsn #arctic monkeys #snail mail #harry styles #teen #art #writing

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kctakcla · 5 years

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( genderfluid ) haven’t seen DAKOTA SAMPSON around in a while. the ALEX TURNER lookalike has been known to be (+) INDEPENDENT & (+) PROTECTIVE, but HE/THEY can also be (-) HOT-TEMPERED & (-) TURBULENT. The 24 year old is a SENIOR majoring in THEATRE. I believe they’re living OFF CAMPUS ( at home ) but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door.

yes I AM an Arctic Monkeys fan , what gave you that idea !! ‘sup guys I’m Hylia and we don’t know self-control so I’m already back at it again with hitting my muse limit and applying for Dakota here. A note : Dakota’s an old muse but the only thing I’ve changed about him is his name ( along with modifying stuff to fit the connection I took and Watershed biz ) , so if you ever hear me call him Spencer , sorry for the slip-up - that’s just what his name was beforehand. But ANYWAYS , more under the cut !!

v brief mention of homophobia + transphobia and also... frequent mentions of religion.

STARTING OUT

k so I also highly rec you read Jackie’s intro bc Katie made this family and I’m just hopping in on the sibling ride

so yeah their parents were fuckin,,, picture-perfect religious fam on the outside but that’s not good 4 the fuckin’ kids and from the start Kota was always the problem child. Never sat still in church, always tended to gravitate towards the “dark/satanic” stuff and over time he was so used to being accused of that shit he sort of... embraced it ??

Lemme explain.

so Dakota was often punished for even batting an eye at stuff his parents didn’t like so he grew angry he wasn’t allowed to like certain shit and that just upped him liking it and taking part in that stuff tenfold.

It started innocently when he was young - he’d take his allowance, march on over to the closest store that sold CDs and bought every heavy rock album he could find. Linkin Park, Metallica, Rise Against, Sixx AM, that shit.

Then it escalated to taking an interest in SFX makeup, especially the gory part. Snuck out on Halloween to trick-or-treat and collect candy in the best costume he could make for himself.

Watched horror movies and played darker video games when he’d sneak out and would often take an interest in the decoration , the acting...

Then he started saving up and buying black clothes, ripped jeans, faux leather jackets, and even getting his ears and lip pierced. Threw temper tantrums when his parents told him to cut his hair. Got a tattoo of his sister’s name on his wrist with forged parental approval.

Started dating kids who had a reputation on being on the wrong side of the tracks !! Also came out as bi & genderfluid and lived in an extremely religious household so . . . ( tw : homophobia & transphobia ) they didn’t react well. But he flaunted it. He rubbed it in their fucking faces every chance he got since that was who he fucking was , and if you don’t like it ?? SHOVE IT.

But yeah. He always had a strained relationship with his parents for that reason. He was known as the black sheep of the family , the problem child. It was AMAZING he was so close with his younger sister , Jackie.

His sister was his everything. Perhaps the only person Dakota was certain cared about him and for that , swore to protect her. Especially against their parents and what Dakota considered their BACKWARDS methods of parenting.

So , he sorta took to parenting her himself - teaching her life skills and survival skills and how to deal with their parents.

TATIANA

okay - Tatiana’s relationship with Kota is kind of important so I wanna get this out of the way before I dive too deep into his character + personality

when they were younger, everyone thought he and Tatiana would get together. Everyone did. Whenever the Sampson and Samuels families would get together, he and Tatiana would immediately gravitate towards each other. They often spared each other glances in church, and he claims Tatiana fell in love with his “rebel” persona.

He even took her to senior prom.

But they never officially dated - they’d hang out regularly , yes , but they never considering themselves more than just friends . . . and then some. He often snuck into Tatiana’s bedroom by climbing through her window , often

Besides , he was the bad boy who renounced God in his family and Tatiana was the preacher’s daughter. How could they ??

Well . . . they still slept together. Quite often , actually. He often routinely visited her for such in her dorm at Lockwood , and it didn’t matter if she had a boyfriend or not. If she asked him to spend the night with her , he would.

He wrote Tatiana love letters he doesn’t know if she even opened. But it was very obvious Dakota harbored some feelings for her that went beyond friends with benefits. Tatiana may have felt the same - who knows ??

She led him on and played him like a fiddle. Maybe he knows about it , but refuses to accept it. He thinks she was genuinely in love with him , or he tells himself that to feel better and not so embarrassed.

Needless to say , he was struck with grief when she died. He wanted to be more than an ex-almost , but unfortunately , that was only how far they got.

PERSONALITY / CHARACTER

Dakota’s your stereotypical rebel without a cause - he’s loud , he’s unfiltered , and he doesn’t give a FUCK about your opinion so again , SHOVE IT.

But he’s not a bad dude at all - he’s actually pretty open-minded and a little wild , but fun to hang out with. He’ll be honest with you about his opinion on you - and he is NEVER one to shy away from his emotions or hide how he feels.

Believe it or not , the only vices he has are drinking every now and then ( normally nothing more than beer ) and smoking. Hasn’t touched drugs once in his life , not even weed.

He’s very outspoken and will fucking !! Tell you !! What he thinks !! Even - no , ESPECIALLY if you don’t want to hear it.

Half the time he says shit to piss people off and get a reaction. I’m sorry this is just how he is.

DEFINITELY someone into the horrific / creepy shit. He keeps the ID Channel on as background noise and can watch most horror movies and play horror video games without flinching.

Kinda sleeps around a lot and he knows not to attach sex to romance but also . . . it’s like. Horribly easy to lead him on. He can get attached to people and it’s so easy to tell when he’s got a crush so it’s sort of easy to manipulate him like that.

He’s VERY into acting !! He’s a showman , he likes attention. And portraying someone that isn’t him is one of the most fun things to do. And he’s wicked great at it - there’s something about having a hundred eyes on him that gives him confidence and validation where some may clam up.

... Also an attention whore but not a conceited jerk kind of attention whore.

Also into music , but it’s just a background thing. He knows how to play GUITAR and also the DRUMS , and can sing really well.

He’s short-fused as hell. It’s so easy to get him fired up as long as you say the right words , and it’s really easy to pick out what those words are. Mention or say anything negative about Tatiana or his sister and he’s on your ass.

Again , love makeup and does a lot of SFX makeup in his free time !! So yeah it’s a lot of creepy / gory shit and definitely not something his parents would approve of.

On the subject of his parents , he still lives with them but only to take care of Jackie. And whenever he’s with them , he does whatever he can to piss them off or to make them disapprove of him even MORE. So far , he’s been sliding inklings he worships the Devil and makes jokes about eloping or marrying people with careers the toxic religious people frown upon.

Yeah he really. Doesn’t like his parents. And he doesn’t want his parents to like him.

Jackie’s the best tho.

Also call him Kota or Kody or Koakoa Puffs or any puns with his name I’ll take it

WANTED PLOTS / CONNECTIONS

friends he has that know he was rly into Tatiana but were also aware of how she led him on

they either fuel his false hopes

or try to knock some sense into him by telling him the truth ( never listens tho )

PEOPLE ,,, who really disapprove of how he is for whatever reason. Could be someone who was close with the Samuels’ and know Tatiana was involved with him but they can’t stand the idea of her fucking someone like him.

Soft people he goes protective papa bear over !! Bc he would !! He totally fuckin would !!

People he regularly butts head with and just wants to get a fucking reaction out of bc again , that’s the name of the game

Theatre buddies !! Theatre buddies who he gets REALLY into it with

Or even theatre rivals , who don’t like his personality / need for attention

Fuckbuddies bc again Dakota sleeps around and sees no shame in it

Also ppl maybe who are attracted to him oNLY bc of the bad boy aesthetic / thing he’s got going on ??

Okay it’s late and I’m drawing more blanks but as always LIKE THIS FOR A PLOTTING IM !!

#water:intro #( &. abt. || coax me out my low and have a spin of my propeller #I'll b honest I'm kinda shocked Alex was still open but I'm hAPPY HE WAS !!!#love arctic monkeys. so much. n he's perfect for koakoa puffs over here.#homophobia tw #transphobia tw #religion tw

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nemossubmarine · 5 years

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Warhammer 40k: Wrath & Glory RP #1

So about 2 years after finishing KoNS, I’m starting another “another RP”. This time it’s gon’ be some space adventures as we’ll be playing Wrath and Glory which is set in the Warhammer 40k universe. There will be guns, some cyborgs, maybe some aliens? We’ll see.

But first, let’s meet the player characters:

Cayenne Pepper (played by @fuzzybooks), a rogue trader of the Pepper dynasty, spice merchants. Being only the 75th cousin in line of the head of the family, she’s mostly safe from assassination attempts. Got herself a nifty little space ship called Santa Maria.

Gorm Oddmundson (@raddigested) is a Space Wolf scout. This little cub is far away from home and for some reason without his pack. He is looking for that good, good glory.

Gimlet (@xxyumeganxx) in an ex-inquisitonal acolyte. Having left the inquisition after some inside trouble he now is roped into looking after a newly awakened psyker Saef.

Saef (@arctic-urpo) was a ganger until his whole gang got wiped out of existence in an unfortunate event he doesn’t want to talk about. Now he is a psyker and has wanders the world with Gimlet as to stay out of trouble.

Then, onto the story!

Our party of heroes have arrived in the Adeptus Mechanicus controlled Forge World of Triplex Phall, located in the Eastern fringes of the Empire to meet with a tech priest.

The Pepper family wishes to strengthen their bonds with the Tech Cult, so they have agreed to take on some work for them to gain some favors.

Cayenne Pepper has been ordered to do this job, and has taken Saef and Gimlet, new hirings to the ships precisely for this with her.

Gorm is here because the Pepper family has ties to the Space Wolves, and Cayenne decided having one could be useful.

The tech priest is not currently in his room, so our heroes are told to wait, and wait they do.

Gorm introduces himself to everyone, and asks for everyone’s names and comments on Saef’s nice pants!

He also asks why everyone is here on this mission: Cayenne’s answer is business, Saef is just following orders and Gimlet admits on being interested in the Mechanicus.

Gorm takes this moment to wax poetry about his home-world of Fenris. Aah, Fenris, its icy peaks and glaciers are beauty incarnate!

They talk among themselves about what to expect, the tech priest’s ad hadn’t been exactly specific.

Gimlet says he has heard there might be Inquisition agents on the planet they’re heading.

Gorm comments that he hasn’t much experience with Inquisitors as he has never met one and Gimlet says that he hasn’t either.

Gimlet talks about wanting to know history especially related to the AdMech. He also seems to be curious in this particular tech priest that has hired them.

Gorm asks if Gimlet is the writing type, as he is in need of a person to write down his glorious adventures!

Gimlet agrees.

Cayenne tells about the galas that her family does, helping orphaned animals.

Gorm asks if there’s any pets on board her ship.

She says yes, some cats and dogs. There’s also an indoor park and a shark tank!

Gorm says he isn’t much of a cat person himself. Definitely more of a dog person.

Gorm takes this moment to relay the tale of his childhood, where he was thrown into the sea, swam to find a kraken who raised him. Hence why he is called the “Child of the Kraken”.

This lovely tale is barely finished when the tech priest arrives. Much like the rest of his kin, he is rather haphazardly put-together figure with several extra limbs and eyes.

He leads our heroes to his lair, a tower-like room filled with shelves and computer screens.

There’s also a cream-colored cat that jumps onto the priest’s shoulder.

The tech priest shakes Cayenne’s hand with the hand that still appears to have some skin left on it, even still it’s cold and unpleasant.

He introduces himself as E-E \\ 821.

Now onto the mission at hand.

A four person group of Mechanicus has disappeared on a mission in the planet Styria R867, led by E-E \\ 821′s sergeant K303 2:82. The tech priest wishes them to be found.

The planet itself is a curious thing, it is unreachable for hundreds of years at a time, because of a storm and only comes out of it for 10 years at a time. Even then it is incredibly hostile as far as living there goes, but it does host a small population of human settlers, who mostly do mining.

The Imperium presence on the planet is really sparse, there’s members of Ministorum on the planet but not much else.

There used to be some kind of ancient civilization there, and the storm occasionally uncovers ruins.

The Mechanicus went to the planet to survey the ruins to see if there’s a need for the Mechanicus to ready a bigger mission, and to possibly find the origin of the storm so that the Imperium could use it better.

There is a settlement of Hellhole, where the Mechanicus were last seen. A Sister of Battle resides there, and she could be useful informant.

If the Mechanicus are dead, a data disk must be retrieved from the Sergeant’s body, that is the condition in which our heroes are paid for their services.

The tech priest is very fond of swerving questions by asking clarifying questions and then answering those instead of the first question, but our heroes still get a lot of information.

Cayenne asks for something to show the Mechanicus to show that our heroes are authorized by their commander.

E-E \\ 821 gives her a badge of the Mechanicus symbol with some damage on it.

They leave. Gorm doesn’t take his eyes off the cat, because he is suspicious, and just before the doors’ to the lair close he sees the tech priest give the cat a little pat on the head with his mechanical claw hand.

Before getting too far, Gorm has one more thing that he wishes from the tech priest, so they return.

Gorm wishes to have something with the sergeant’s smell on it.

As the tech priest starts climbing up his tower to find something that fits the description, his cat decides to take this moment to jump down in front of Gorm.

Despite Gorm showing no inclination for playfulness, the cat seems to be ready to play.

Gorm asks someone to get rid of the cat before he loses it.

Gimlet swoops in and attempts to befriend the cat, but she gets scared, smacks him on the hand and finds safety on Gorm’s shoulders.

Luckily before Gorm wolfs out, the tech priest returns, gently swoops up the cat and places it back on his shoulders.

For Gorm, the tech priest hands out the sergeant’s undershirt.

Gorm and Gimlet make a hasty retreat before the cat can do anything else bad, while Cayenne and Saef stay to say proper goodbyes.

Gorm says bye from the other end of the hallway, and the tech priest opens up a speaker right next to him to bid him goodbye.

After leaving, they talk a bit in the hallway, Gorm comments on having difficulty with robot-people.

Cayenne says eye-contact is important and instructs him to pick an eye and stick to it.

Then it’s off to Styria R867!

Cayenne has her servo-skull to give a tour of the ship to the other three.

Gorm takes Saef to the tax-free shop to pick out moomin mugs for themselves.

While there he comments that he has heard good things about Saef’s gang, and he wishes to be Saef’s gang friend.

Saef doesn’t seem too enthusiastic about this, but he mutters a “sure” and keeps on looking at the mugs.

Gorm asks if they should ask the other people to be in the gang as well, but Saef says he should take care of recruitment.

Then the last bit of business is deciding whether to be a violent or non-violent gang.

Saef says he’s alright as long as he gets to fight, which sounds pretty violent.

As Santa Maria has warp travel capabilities it doesn’t take our heroes long to get to Styria R867.

They get teleported on the surface of the planet little ways away from Hellhole. And immediately get attacked by three scorpions. (as one occasionally does)

Gimlet immediately gets face-full of poison from a stinger shot. Gorm rushes that scorpion and gets a hit in with his cool-ass chain-sword.

Gimlet retreats a bit and takes care of the poison before anything else.

One of the scorpions attacks Gorm, but can’t get through his armor.

Cayenne takes a shot with her plasma gun, absolutely annihilating the third remaining. Unfortunately her gun jams.

Saef takes this moment to show off his psyker powers, smiting one of the scorpions.

Gorm finishes one of the remaining ones and Gimlet shoots down the last into bits.

Gorm turns around and demands to know which one of our group is a psyker.

Saef rises his hand and Gorm tells that he doesn’t appreciate magic.

I guess that’s it for their awesome little gang.

Cayenne gets a bunch of unhelpful comments about her weapon such as, try turning it on and off again (Gimlet) and smash it against a rock (Gorm).

She knows her way around a plasma weapon however, and cleans it up no problem.

There is no more incidents as our heroes reach the settlement of Hellhole. Situated against the mountain they are mining in, the settlement consists of houses made out of mis-matched metal plates. There’s an AdMech ship parked on the front.

A woman clad in the black-and-white armor of the Sisters of Battle comes to meet up with them and introduces herself as Portia Bailey.

Upon hearing our heroes want to discuss the missing mechs, she suggests they do so in her house (well, more of a shack).

Sister Portia is a bit of a rambler, veering off-topic quite often, but from what our heroes can gather, the Mechanicus went to a ruined castle on the other side of the mountain.

Sister Portia has been to the castle before, but it was filled with traps and generally unsafe, she tried to warn the Mechanicus of this as well, even saying she could come with, but the Mechanicus were rather secretive.

In fact only the sergeant (or as Sister Portia says, the weird horse-legged one) did talking, the rest communicated among themselves in sign language.

After the Mechanicus left and weren’t heard from again, Sister Portia went to check the castle and noticed that the ancient machines in the castle were powered up again and the giant doors to the castle were locked up tight.

Sister Portia knocked but no answer.

She surmises that maybe the Mechanicus just wanted a castle, but admits that she has no real proof they are still alive.

She suggests our heroes travel to the castle at night, as they are less likely to be attacked by beasts as the nights still get cold-ish around here.

Plus they could catch glimpses of movement in the castle.

Before leaving the Mechanicus’ ship is there, although locked.

Sister Portia says she’ll look the other way if our heroes want to take a look. Which they do.

Before they can get to the ship, they are stopped by two kids, Layla (11), who is really interested in big Space Marine man (Gorm lets her hold his chain-sword) and Laurel (8), who asks about the big ship in the space.

Their mother calls them away before they can waste too much of our heroes’ time.

Gorm breaks the lock on the Mechanicus ship, and our heroes take a look around.

Cayenne looks over the sergeant’s room, and finds a data pad where the captain’s logs are generally kept, but she can’t crack the code of it. She still takes it with.

Saef goes over the other people’s living areas and notes that they are bereft of any signs of living or personal belongings.

Gimlet takes the bridge, and extracts the black box of the ship, but he has no tools to listen to the recordings inside.

Gorm checks over the cargo bay, and notes that the Mechanicus, especially the Sergeant appear to be extremely well-armed.

He also finds a device for listening to black box recordings. So that’s what they do next.

They pick the latest recording; the only speaker appears to be the sergeant, who admits to some uncertainty about the situation, saying he hopes “that Eden is right”. His musing are interrupted by something and he laughs and reprimands someone named Tora for their (sign) language. He then notes that it’s best that he does the talking while the rest can communicate via sign language.

There’s few oddities on the recording.

Gorm is convinced something is up with the sign language and wishes they could have visual recordings of the Mechanicus.

(also we found out both Gimlet and Cayenne know the basics of sign language, though very specialized language only)

Gimlet notes that it is odd for the Mechancius to laugh, as they pride themselves in getting rid of their humane qualities.

Cayenne noticed the two names spoken, Eden and Tora, neither of which appear in anyway in their mission statements.

Gimlet suggests they could maybe ask the kids about anything odd the Mechanicus might have done while here, and everyone thinks it’s a good idea.

They find the kids in the mesh hall with their mother, who doesn’t want to talk about the Mechanicus.

Gorm tries to persuade the mother to come with her outside but only manages to her to clamp up even more.

Gimlet asks her to get them some food, which she agrees to, buying our heroes few moments with the kids.

Laurel, the boy, whispers what he knows into Cayenne’s ears. Apparently he had caught a glimpse of some of the non-sergeant Mechanicus without their hoods/helmets and he says they had pieces missing on their faces.

When they noticed Laurel they got really angry, and he ran away, which Cayenne says was a smart move.

And that’s enough information gathering for one day. Next time our heroes start heading for the castle! What mysteries will await them there? We’ll see.

#wag rp #wag rp writeup #campaign tag: tomb raiders #long post #nemo roleplays #im glad you guys got to bond with my fave npc #the cream colored cat :P #and by bond i mean be bothered by her #her name is felis catus and she is the best #reminder to self write something for the cptn's log #they're bound to break into that next sesh :P #woof i was meaning to write fic today but this took longer than i expected and it's already 19 #and by longer than expected i mean i should have expected it would take long #ah well maybe i can get something still done today #tomorrow is eurovision #but it's not like i have anything else :P being the une #mploymed person that i am #anyway i was rather happy with the first session #even though i had to throw out some clues there i had not planned in advance #so now gotta figure that shit out #it helps that i am basing the mechanicus somewhat on my kill team mechs #altho there are some heavy heavy alterations on the story obvs #since this is a completely different situation #but at least i know my admechs relatively well #i hope my players enjoy the admech stuff too :D #they are in no way obligated to follow that story any more than finding them mechs #but we'll talk about that once we get there #aka at the end of this thing

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toughgirlchallenges · 3 years

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Rosie Stancer - Accomplished Polar athlete and explorer since 1996 - described by one journalist as “a cross between Tinker Bell and the Terminator”

Rosie Stancer has dedicated the last 20 years of her life to expeditions of increasing severity. Her endeavours have earned her a high public profile in the UK amongst living explorers.

On each of the expeditions, Rosie undertakes research – meteorological, environmental and physiological. Data from the latter is processed into published scientific papers with a view to helping both athletes and other expeditioners content with the challenges of their undertakings.

Since her first expedition, Rosie has always championed the need for any endeavour to forge a wealthy legacy of learning, sharing and inspiring others.

Rosie’s expeditions include:

1997 THE ALL WOMEN NORTH POLE RELAY - First all women team to reach The North Pole, A world 1st.

2000 MILLENNIUM WOMEN’S SOUTH POLE EXPEDITION - Rosie was a member of the 5 women team to reach The South Pole. They were the 1st all-women team to do so. World 1st.

2003 SNICKERS SOUTH POLE SOLO - Rosie embarked alone on a solo expedition of 1,000k with no resupplies & a sledge of 120 kilos to the South Pole. She smashed all previous speed records reaching the Pole in 43 days. (fastest previously some 64 days).

2007 MARS NORTH POLE SOLO - A record-breaking Expedition which had never before, nor since, been bettered. Rosie skied, climbed & swam across the frozen arctic ocean, alone for 84 days, setting another world record as the longest and furthest solo expedition to the north pole by any woman.

2011 Rosie explored the sea ice around Broughton Island in the high arctic, with award-winning photographer, Martin Hartley, in an area densely populated with polar bears. She spent time living with the Inuits, learning their ways of coping with climate changes & the modern-day challenges.

2018 Rosie led her team of women and two ex-military men through the more remote and less trodden dunes of the Wahiba sand. The expedition was undertaken as a training exercise in navigating, survival and cameleering in anticipation of A forthcoming major expedition through the length of the Interior of the fearsome Taklamakan desert in China, the country’s largest giant-dune desert, second in size only to the Sahara.

2019 A sledging expedition the full length of the frozen Siberian Lake Baikal, the largest, deepest and oldest fresh-water lake in the world. This was a ‘Solo’ & unsupported endeavour, undertaken jointly with another teammate but with both starting at opposite ends then ski-ing the furthermost southerly, westerly, easterly and northerly points of the lake. A total distance of some 675 km. The represented the first and longest full crossing undertaken solo by a woman, Rosie’s most recent ‘first’.

Rosie holds the Explorers Club Medal, The Mirror Pride of Britain medal and is a Fellow of the Royal Geographical Society and is Vice President of SES – Scientific Exploration Society.

CONTENT WARNING - We talk about the self-amputation of toes with a penknife.

New episodes of the Tough Girl Podcast go live every Tuesday and Thursday at 7am UK time - Make sure you hit the subscribe button so you don’t miss out.

The Tough Girl Podcast is sponsorship and ad free thanks to the monthly financial support of patrons. To find out more about supporting your favourite podcast and becoming a patron please check out www.patreon.com/toughgirlpodcast.

Show notes

Who is Rosie?

Being an explorer of the poles and deserts

Wanting to share stories to motivate and inspire others

Being inspired by Liv Arnesen

What Rosie was like as a little girl

Being brought up by nannies and going to prep boarding school at 7 in Scotland

Not having dreams to go to the poles

Being aware of opportunities and going after them

Applying for the first all women expedition to the pole

Going though a year long selection process

Friends and family and what they though of her dreams

Being supported by her husband

The advantage of being part of an all women polar team

Sponsorship and raising funds

Getting out to the North Pole for the first time

What people need to know about the poles

Why the Arctic is more dangerous

Mental preparation for the first polar expedition

What’s in your head and your heart and your “ying” strengths

Gaining mental confidence and mental resilience

Resilience and flexibility

Solo Expeditions and being sponsored by Snickers and Mars

Preparation for taking on a solo challenge

Working with researchers and academics

The importance of staying positive

Being fascinated by fear and how you cope with fear when you are on your own

How her fears changed whilst out on the ice

Having a fear of failure

Why it’s about the journey

Self amputation of toes…. whilst solo on the Arctic

Dealing with extreme temperatures of -60 and getting frostbite in her toes

Dealing with pain

Getting up full of positivity and optimism

Coping with isolation

Dealing with the adventure blues

How motherhood changed adventure

Lessons learned from expeditions

What day to day life is like now

Future expedition planned for August 2021

Quick Fire Questions

Training to be fit like an animal

Words that Rosie lives her life by

Final words of advice

Social Media

Website - rosiestancer.com

Instagram - @rosiestancerexplorer

Facebook - @RosieStancerExploration

Check out this episode!

#podcast #women #sports #health #motivation #challenges #change #adventure #active #wellness #explore #grow #support #encourage #running #swimming #triathlon #exercise #weights

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strangeportrait · 7 years

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The Right Amount Of Soul: Alexandra Savior Interviewed

Meet Portland’s new queen of angst and judgement

“I think I talk too much,” is the ideal opening gambit for a magazine interview, but, when engaged in conversation, Alexandra Savior is less concerned by any torrents of verbal diarrhea as she is by the fidgety self-analysis that they’d subsequently incite. “I’m a motormouth,” she continues, “so usually there’s a really strange psychological process afterwards, because it is kind of a complex thing to sit there and reveal things, but then I just decided to be honest and then that made it easier.”

“I should be mysterious and sexy,” she suggests, when asked if she feels she gives too much of herself away, “but I’m not.”

In reality, of course, she’s the perfect interviewee - funny, sweet, bashful and considered - and, as I hunker down on a plate of hangover-staving cookies, I almost feel intrusive as she coyly hugs her knees when talking.

We’re sequestered in a booth within a private hotel suite high atop Austin while down below South By South West rumbles on, and in this towering tranquility I finally have the opportunity to meet the chanteuse behind the hauntingly beautiful ‘Belladonna Of Sadness’, an album bristling with smoky sultriness, and delve into the sources of its distinctly noir themes.

Pursuing music from an early age (“because I was real shit at school”), her first tentative experiences with the industry - despite winning approval from Courtney Love - were jaded by its determination to mould her into an unnaturally fitting pop-shaped teen. “There are decisions that were made that don’t represent me in the way that I want to be represented,” she admits, “and I think that I wasn’t strong enough to do this on my own, and so I should have just not done it, but instead you have people pushing you this way and that, and you end up…somewhere.”

Refusing to compromise may have proven a challenge, but in learning to trust her instincts, it allowed Alexandra to gradually understand who she was as an artist. Moving on a whim from her native Portland, Oregon, to write songs in Los Angeles, the relocation’s impact on her music was significant, but for all the wrong reasons.

“When I first started song writing, it was really just like melodic and I didn’t have any inspiration or direction. There was no structure whatsoever,” she says. “And then, when I moved out to Los Angeles, it got really dark, I think. I was writing about depression and it took a heavy turn. And then I sort of started to get more of my own interests that evolved through just having a lot of time to think on my own. So then that turned into something else, and then suddenly I just became…now I just can’t stop writing about murdering people.”

She laughs, but the trauma of her time there is still evident.

“I had no clue how to socialise with adults that aren’t asking you questions because they are interested, they’re asking you questions that are directly trying to guide you into letting them know what they can get from you,” she sighs. “It was a judgmental place and I struggled… I took those judgments personally instead of just saying, ‘Ah, fuck you,’ or whatever. Some guy living off his parents’ money and calling himself a modern artist telling me that I’m a shit pop star wannabe or whatever when I’m 18? It’s hard to process that, especially when you’re on your own, so that was difficult. I didn’t want to. I just hated everyone.”

Escaping the city’s narcissistic oppression by retreating to her bedroom, where she was “alone and stoned…for the whole two years that I lived there,” Alexandra underwent a creative evolution that produced a wealth of material, which would bear her debut album.

There were, however, some memorable highlights of her time spent in LA (she’s now back in Portland). Signed to Columbia in that time, it was the label that suggested she meet with Alex Turner. The Arctic Monkeys frontman was duly enchanted, and leapt at the chance to write with and record her, drafting in James Ford to co-produce. It was a dream team to realise the cinematic potential of Alexandra’s songs with an ethereal desert rock panorama, but though the notion of collaborating was too great to refuse, it did again throw up more considerations of compromise.

“I actually think I wanted to be able to hide behind something, somebody else,” she reveals, adding the pressures of being who other people wanted her to be were becoming too overbearing. “And so it was really nice to have somebody there that the attention could just go to him and I didn’t have to worry about not having support from the label and things like that anymore, because he just has his magic power. But now, I’m like, ‘Ahh…’ I keep thinking I should have never submitted to having somebody else have the strength for me because I wasn’t ready.”

Nevertheless, the fruits of their labour are succulent and delicious, and do exalt Savior as a captivating voice. ‘Belladonna Of Sadness’ begins with ‘Mirage’, in which she inhabits the bolshy Anna-Marie Mirage, who embodies the more obstinate side of her own personality; “I sing songs about whatever the fuck they want,” she sneers. ‘Girlie’ is wickedly caustic, an obvious result of her time in LA: “Talk about Hollywood problems / She’s got ’em,” she taunts, “She’s always looking for a wilder ride / And she’ll be fuckin’ with her phone all night”. “I do hope that there are some people that don’t ever hear that song,” Alexandra blushes, “because there are some pretty direct references in that one.”

There’s a romantic vulnerability to ‘Belladonna Of Sadness’, evident in the lovelorn ‘M.T.M.E’ and the bruised hindsight of ‘Cupid’ (“Cupid shoots to kill,” she warns), that’s explored in more spiteful tones in ‘Til You’re Mine’, which takes aim at the “bitch” that stole her man, and the devastatingly vicious finale, ‘Mystery Girl’, that addresses her ex. “Don’t you try and calm me down,” she cautions, as the echoing murder ballad builds to an ominous climax.

“It’s quite an explosion of angst and judgment,” she says of the album with a giggle. “There’s a lot of judgment of others, which I feel kinda bad about, but I might as well do it.”

Sure, her rancor is palpable throughout, but while ‘Belladonna…’ is undoubtedly dark, it’s anything but distressing. Her voice and provocative delivery imbues the songs with warmth and an infallible humanity that breathlessly lures you in. “Well, that had to do with the sun and all the cigarettes and marijuana,” she sniggers.

As an introduction to Alexandra Savior’s distinctive brand of alluring edginess, ‘Belladonna…’ is practically flawless, yet its creator isn’t about to let it define her. Having forged this path of self-discovery and followed it thus far, it’s vital for her to retain control of her individuality as it evolves. “It was something I didn’t understand until I had already made a record,” she explains. “At first I was really stressed out about people perceiving me in a certain way or listening in the right way or not, or seeing the right images, and so I was on the phone all the time like, ‘We can’t put the video out, we can’t do this, we can’t do that, arrrrgh!’ Mostly because I was afraid. I’ve let go of that in a way where I’m not as controlling, but now I think [I know] who I am more, so it will just be a little easier to create those things.”

I’ve lived with the album for a couple of weeks before our meeting, which arrives shortly before its release, so the attention of the rest of the world has yet to turn on her, but, given Turner’s involvement and her beguiling charm, it seems that’s inevitable. When we meet again a month later, Alexandra will have stepped off stage at Hackney’s Oslo, having won over her sold-out crowd with a bewitching combination of menace and seduction that’s radiated out from under her fringe. (See? Mysterious and sexy after all!) That interest will surely multiply, but growing fame may also bring with it more pressure that will affect the control she craves - something she’s fearful of.

“[I’m afraid of] losing what I know personally - not even anything about my artistic image, losing control of that - but just more about losing what I know about my own intimate self,” she says, looking ahead, and loosening the grip on her knees a little. “It’s sort of like all of the things that I was afraid of is becoming realities, and it’s not as scary as I thought, but I do worry that one day I’m going to end up in this big house with no more ideas and a bunch of friends who don’t give a shit and just want to Instagram me or something.”

#interview #clash magazine #don't queue try to calm me down

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jmgiovine · 4 years

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TOP10: Netflix original films

10-. The King (2019)

Dir. David Michôd

Hal (Timothée Chalamet), wayward prince and reluctant heir to the English throne, has turned his back on royal life and is living among the people. But when his tyrannical father dies, Hal is crowned King Henry V and is forced to embrace the life he had previously tried to escape. Now the young king must navigate the palace politics, chaos and war his father left behind, and the emotional strings of his past life -- including his relationship with his closest friend and mentor, the ageing alcoholic knight, John Falstaff (Joel Edgerton).

9-. El Camino: A Breaking Bad Film (2019)

Dir. Vince Gilligan.

The Netflix Television Event EL CAMINO: A BREAKING BAD MOVIE reunites fans with Jesse Pinkman (Emmy-winner Aaron Paul). In the wake of his dramatic escape from captivity, Jesse must come to terms with his past in order to forge some kind of future.

8-. Veronica (2018)

Dir. Paco Plaza.

Veronica has taken care of her little brother and sister since the death of their father. One day during a total eclipse of the sun, Veronica and two friends decide to make a Ouija board in order to invoke her father's spirit. At the very peak of the eclipse, the glass shatters. Veronica enters a kind of trance and passes out, frightening her friends. Veronica recovers and goes home. But there, she starts to pick up on slight changes: objects that move, breathing in the dark... And she's still unaware of the horrific outcome that awaits her.

7-. Beasts of No Nation (2015)

Dir. Cary Fukunaga.

A drama based on the experiences of Agu, a child soldier fighting in the civil war of an unnamed African country. Fukunaga’s first Netflix’s high-budget project takes the best out of the director’s writting and directional abilities to their fulliest, once this raw drama kicks in, it also showcases the many tough performances delivered in the film, particularly, Idris Elba’s villanous role.

6-. Klaus (2019)

Dir. Sergio Pablos.

When Jesper (Jason Schwartzman) distinguishes himself as the postal academy's worst student, he is stationed on a frozen island above the Arctic Circle, where the feuding locals hardly exchange words let alone letters. Jesper is about to give up when he finds an ally in local teacher Alva (Rashida Jones), and discovers Klaus (Oscar winner J.K. Simmons), a mysterious carpenter who lives alone in a cabin full of handmade toys. These unlikely friendships return laughter to Smeerensburg, forging a new legacy of generous neighbors, magical lore and stockings hung by the chimney with care.

5-. Dolemite is my Name (2019)

Dir. Craig Brewer.

Stung by a string of showbiz failures, floundering comedian Rudy Ray Moore (Academy Award nominee Eddie Murphy) has an epiphany that turns him into a word-of-mouth sensation: step onstage as someone else. Borrowing from the street mythology of 1970s Los Angeles, Moore assumes the persona of Dolemite, a pimp with a cane and an arsenal of obscene fables. However, his ambitions exceed selling bootleg records deemed too racy for mainstream radio stations to play. Moore convinces a social justice-minded dramatist (Keegan-Michael Key) to write his alter ego a film, incorporating kung fu, car chases, and Lady Reed (Da'Vine Joy Randolph), an ex-backup singer who becomes his unexpected comedic foil. Despite clashing with his pretentious director, D'Urville Martin (Wesley Snipes), and countless production hurdles at their studio in the dilapidated Dunbar Hotel, Moore's Dolemite becomes a runaway box office smash and a defining movie of the Blaxploitation era.

4-. Marriage Story (2019)

Dir. Noah Baumbach.

A stage director and his actor wife struggle through a grueling, coast-to-coast divorce that pushes them to their personal and creative extremes.

3-. Gerald’s Game (2017)

Dir. Mike Flanagan.

Gerald Burlingame (Bruce Greenwood) and his wife Jessie (Carla Gugino) attempt to rekindle the flames of their marriage with a retreat to their remote lake house. But when a dangerous sex game accidentally kills Gerald and leaves Jessie handcuffed to the bed, the latter is forced to overcome panic and hallucinations if she wants to escape. Based on the novel by Stephen King, Gerald's Game was directed by Mike Flanagan.

2-. Roma (2018)

Dir. Alfonso Cuarón.

The most personal project to date from Academy Award (R)-winning director and writer Alfonso Cuarón (Gravity, Children of Men, Y Tu Mama Tambien), ROMA follows Cleo (Yalitza Aparicio), a young domestic worker for a family in the middle-class neighborhood of Roma in Mexico City. Delivering an artful love letter to the women who raised him, Cuarón draws on his own childhood to create a vivid and emotional portrait of domestic strife and social hierarchy amidst political turmoil of the 1970s. Cuarón's first project since the groundbreaking Gravity in 2013.

1-. The Irishman (2019).

Dir. Martin Scorsese.

This biographical crime thriller follows Frank Sheeran (Robert De Niro) as he recalls his past years working for the Bufalino crime family. Now older, the WWII veteran once again reflects on his most prolific hits and, in particular, considers his involvement with his good friend Jimmy Hoffa's disappearance in 1975.

0 notes

thebgo · 4 years

Text

BGO Staff Picks 2019

The fine folks who put in the work behind the counters at Beat Goes On stores all over the world have humbly submitted for you their lists of their most favourite albums, movies, TV shows, games, concerts and other miscellany for your approval. Enjoy responsibly.

BRANTFORD

Aiden

Albums

Vampire Weekend - Father of the Bride

Foals - Everything Not Saved Will be Lost

Pedro the Lion - Phoenix

Better Oblivion Community Centre

Frightened Rabbit/Various - Tiny Changes

Concerts

Bombay Bicycle Club

Foals

Kevin Devine

Hippo Campus

Death Cab for Cutie

Chris

Albums

The Specials - Encore

Chaka Khan - Hello Happiness

Gary Clark Jr. - This Land

Cage the Elephant - Social Cues

Interpol - A Fine Mess

The Raconteurs - Help Us Stranger

Thom Yorke - Anima

The Who - The Who

Van Morrison - Three Chords & The Truth

Films

Lego Movie 2

Ugly Dolls

Cassandro-The Exotico

Addams Family

Television

Russian Doll

The Good Place

Bojack Horseman

Final Space

AEW Dynamite

NWA Power

Justin

Albums

Tool - Fear Inoculum

Pluralone - To Be One Wth You

Tinariwen - Amadjar

John Coltrane - Blue World

Concerts

Tool

Tinariwen

Tame Impala

Phish

Snarky Puppy

Raconteurs

Karen

Albums

Tool - Fear Inoculum

The National - I Am Easy to Find

Silversun PIckups - Widow's Weed's

Local Natives - Violet Street

Beirut - Gallipoli

Bat for Lashes - Lost Girls

Rob

Albums

Baroness - Gold & GreyFka Twigs - Magdalene

Lizzo - Cuz I Love You

Local Natives - Violet Street

Sleater-Kinney - The Center Won't Hold

Movies

Booksmart

Portrait of a Lady on Fire

Jojo Rabbit

Marriage Story

Games

Cadence of Hyrule

Astral Chain

Outer Worlds

Luigi's Mansion 3

Untitled Goose Game

Rob

Albums

Baroness - Gold & GreyFka Twigs - Magdalene

Lizzo - Cuz I Love You

Local Natives - Violet Street

Sleater-Kinney - The Center Won't Hold

Films

Booksmart

Portrait of a Lady on Fire

Jojo Rabbit

Marriage Story

Games

Cadence of Hyrule

Astral Chain

Outer Worlds

Luigi's Mansion 3

Untitled Goose Game

BURLINGTON

Briana

Albums

Billie Eilish – When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?

Beirut - Gallipoli

White Lies – Five V2

FKA Twigs - Magdelene

Lana del Ray – Norman F**king Rockwell

Films

Avengers: End Game

Captain Marvel

Brittany Runs a Marathon

Little Women

Television

Russian Doll

Glow season 2

Chernobyl

Handmaid’s Tale season 3

Schitt’s Creek season 5

Jack

Albums

Fontaines D.C. - Dogrel

Pup - Morbid Stuff

Beck - Hyperspace

Bastille - Doom Days

Sam Fender - Hypersonic Missiles

Films

Ford vs. Ferrari

Cold Pursuit

Ad Astra

Parasite

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood

Katelyn

Albums

City & Colour – A Pill for Loneliness

Silversun Pickups – Widow’s Weeds

Death Cab for Cutie – Blue

Of Monsters & Men – Fever Dream

Lacuna Coil – Black Anima

Hozier – Wasteland Baby

Billie Eilish – When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?

Interpol – A Fine Mess

The National – I Am Easy to Find

Rammstein - ST

Films

Knives Out

Avengers: Endgame

Spider-Man: Far From Home

Frozen 2

Television

The Umbrella Academy

Good Omens

The Dragon Prince

Russian Doll

Stranger Things

Games:

Kingdom Hearts 3

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Death Stranding

Telltale’s The Walking Dead: The Final Season

AI: The Somnium Files

Lana

Albums

Billie Eilish – When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?

Lizzo – Cuz I Love You

Lacuna Coil – Black Anima

Of Monsters & Men – Fever Dream

Rammstein – ST

Films

Captain Marvel

Booksmart

Terminator: Dark Fate

Velvet Buzzsaw

Frozen

Television

Stranger Things

Russian Doll

Killing Eve

Big Little Lies

Good Omens

Maddie

Albums

King Princess – Cheap Queen

Clairo – Immunity

Maggie Rogers – Heard It In a Past Life

Julia Jacklin - Crushing

Japanese House – Good At Falling

Films

Booksmart

It: Chapter 2

A Marriage Story

Television

Tuca & Bertie

Stranger Things season 3

Queer Eye: Japan

End of the F**king World season 2

Steph

Albums

Beaches – The Professional

City & Colour – A Pill for Loneliness

K.Flay - Solutions

Maggie Rogers – Love You for A Long Time

Taylor Swift - Lover

Films

Booksmart

Captain Marvel

John Wick 3

Ready or Not

Frozen 2

Television

Killing Eve

Chernobyl

Tales of the City

Fleabag

Big Little Lies

Games

Death Stranding

Kingdom Hearts 3

Telltale’s The Walking Dead: The Final Season

Resident Evil 2

Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order

CAMBRIDGE

Alex

Albums

Devin Townsend - Empath

King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard - Infest the Rats Nest

King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard - Fishing For Fishies

Tool - Fear Inoculum

Opeth - In Cauda Venenum

Films

Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker

Joker

John Wick 3: Parabellum

The Irishman

Games

Red Dead Redemption 2

The Outer Worlds

Death Stranding

Apex Legends

Octopath Traveler

Hunter

Albums

Brockhampton - Ginger

Tyler, the Creator - Igor

SiR - Chasing Summer

YBN Cordae - The Lost Boy

Cage the Elephant - Social Cues

Films

Joker

Glass

I Am Mother

Avengers: Endgame

Games

Apex Legends

Resident Evil 2

Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order

Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice

Blasphemous

Josh

ALBUMS

Tool - Fear Incolum

Wilco - Ode To Joy

Black Mountain - Destroyer

Racontuers - Help Us Stranger

Opeth - In Cauda Venenum

Claypool Lennon Delirium - South Of Reality

Foals - Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost Pt. 1

King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Fishing For Fishies/Infest The Rat’s Nest Knocked Loose- A Different Shade of Blue

Devin Townsend - Empath

Films

Avengers: Endgame

Spider-Man: Far From Home

Pet Sematary

Rocketman

Kayla

Albums

Lizzo - Cuz I Love You

Beth Hart - War On My Mind

Defeater - Defeater

Billie Eillsh - When We Fall Asleep...

Offset - Father of 4

Films

Hustlers

Joker

Avengers: Endgame

John Wick: Chapter 3

Once Upon A Time in Hollywood

Shane

Albums

Flaming Lips - King's Mouth

Brittany Howard - Jamie

Kim Gordon - No Home

Amanda Palmer - There Will Be No Intermission

Claypool Lennon Delirium - South of Reality

Vinyl

Crow Soundtrack (RSD Black & White Vinyl)

Thor: Ragnarok (Mondo Edition)

Flaming Lips - Soft Bulletin: Live (with Colorado Symphony Orchestra)

Flaming Lips - King's Mouth (RSD Edition)

Squirrel Nut Zippers - Christmas Caravan

Films

Jojo Rabbit

Joker

Avengers: End Game

Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker

Brightburn

GUELPH

Emily

Albums

Lizzo - Cuz I Love You

Ian Daniel Kehoe - Secret Republic

Toro Y Moi - Outer Peace

Angel Olsen - All Mirrors

Doja Cat - Hot Pink

Jake

Albums

Sunn O))) - Life Metal

Black Midi - Schlagenheim

FKA Twigs - Magdaline

Enforced - At The Walls

Blood Incantation - Hidden History Of The Human Race

Joel

Albums

New Model Army - From Here

Strand of Oakes - Eraserland

Copeland - Blushing

German Error Message - Mend

Damien Jurado - In the Shape of a Storm

DJ Joel (The Stillness & The Dancing on CFRU 93.3 FM)

Andreas Söderström & Rickard Jäverling - Adelsö (Flora och Fauna)

Ceecide - sweet love (self-released)

David Cordero - Hacia La Luz (archives)

Valotihkuu - By the River (hidden vibes)

Hipnotic Earth - Suspended in Silence (whitelabrecs)

Films

Parasite

About Endlessness

Jojo Rabbit

Heimat Is a Space In Time

The Farewell

Steve

Albums

Spheruleus - Light From Open Blinds

Oiseaux Tempete - From Somewhere Invisible

Big Brave - A Gaze Among Them

M. Grig - Mount Caramel

Ceecide - Sweet Love

KITCHENER

Brady

Albums (2019)

Snarky Puppy - Immigrance

Claypool Lennon Delirium - South of Reality

Miles Davis - Rubberband

John Coltrane - Blue World

Leonard Cohen - Thanks for the Dance

Albums (Decade)

Arctic Monkeys - AM (2013)

Kamasi Washington - The Epic (2015)

David Bowie - Blackstar (2016)

Leonard Cohen - You Want It Darker (2016)

Claypool Lennon Delirium - Monolith of Phobos (2016)

Films (2019)

Joker

Midsommar

The Irishman

Jojo Rabbit

Movies (Decade)

Mother! (2017)

Ex Machina (2014)

The Artist (2011)

The Way Way Back (2013)

Eighth Grade (2018)

Kenneth

Albums (All Time)

Depeche Mode - Spirit

The Bee Gees - Odessa

Aphex Twin - Come To Daddy

Orbital - Orbital 2

Marie Davidson - Working Class Woman

Films (All Time)

1. Kindergarten Cop

2.. Commando

3. The Last Stand

4. Predator

5. The Terminator

Games

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

Supreme Commander: Forged Alliance

Shogun 2 Total War

The Outer Worlds

Aquaman on Gamecube

LONDON

Jay

Albums

Myles Goodwyn - Friends of the Blues 2

Magpie Salute - Highwater II

Tool - Fear Inoculum

Beth Hart - War in My Mind

Joe Bonamassa - Live at the Sydney Opera House

Nick

Albums

The National - I am Easy to Find

Sam Fender - Hypersonic Missiles

Great Grandpa - Four of Arrows

Kanye West - Jesus is King

Opeth - In Cauda Venenum

Films

Midsommar

Her Smell

Marriage Story

Uncut Gems

Mister America

Oliver

Albums

Drab Majesty - Modern Mirror

Foals - Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost Part 1

Kanye West - Jesus is King

Pup - Morbid Stuff

Lana Del Ray - N.F.R.

Rob

Films

JoJo Rabbit

Midsommar

Knives Out

Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse

Booksmart

OAKVILLE

Dan

Albums

Mountain Goats - In League With Dragons

Nick Cave - Ghosteen

Devil Master - Satan Spits On Children Of Light

Charly Bliss - Young Enough

Better Oblivion Community Center - Better Oblivion Community Center

Films

Uncut Gems

Doctor Sleep

The Lighthouse

Parasite

Ready Or Not

WATERLOO

Derek

Albums

Weyes Blood - Titanic Rising

Bon Iver - I,I

Sunn O))) - Life Metal

Angel Olsen - All Mirrors

Avey Tare - Cows On Hourglass Pond

Scotty M & the Dumpsty Boys - Life Is Päin & Other Hits

Television

Chernobyl

Concerts

King Crimson @ Budweiser Gardens

Sleep @ Guelph Concert Theater

Bon Iver w/Feist @ Scotiabank Place

BA Johnston @ Jimmy Jazz

Christopher Clause @ BGO Waterloo

Dylan

Albums

1. Billie Eilish - When We All Fall Asleep

Films

Once Upon a Time... In Hollywood

Toy Story 4

The Irishman

Joker

Ford V Ferrari

Games

The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening

Pokemon Sword

Fire Emblem Three Houses

Luigi's Mansion 3

Super Mario Maker 2

Yoshi's Crafted World

Kingdom Hearts III

Crash Team Racing Nitro-Fueled

Kirk

Albums

Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - Ghosteen

Marty Robbins - Gunfighter Ballads and Trail Songs

Fontaines D.C. - Dogrel

FKA twigs - Magdalene

Slowthai - Nothing Great About Britain

Black Midi - Schlagenheim

Films

Parasite

The Lighthouse

Sorry We Missed You

The Farewell

One Cut of the Dead

The Last Black Man in San Francisco

Midsommar

Knives Out

The Irishman

First Love / Uncut Gems / Portrait of a Lady on Fire

Ryan

Albums

Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - Ghosteen

Carly Rae Jepsen - Dedicated

Copeland - Blushing

Ben Platt - Sing to Me Instead

La Dispute - Panorama

Lana Del Rey - Norman Fucking Rockwell

Pup - Morbid Stuff

Billie Eilish - When We Fall Asleep Where Do We Go

FKA Twigs - Magdalene

Ariana Grande - Thank U, Next

Movies

Parasite

The Irishman

The Lighthouse

Climax

High Life

El Camino

Knives Out

Once Upon a Time...In Hollywood

Toy Story 4

Tom

Albums

Karen O & Danger Mouse - Lux Prima

Films

Once Upon a Time...In Hollywood

The Irishman

Games

The Walking Dead: The Telltale Series: The Final Season

Life is Strange 2

The Outer Worlds

0 notes

godlessgeekblog · 5 years

Text

The ex-SAS soldiers who supply intense Who Dares Wins-style holiday seasons

Do you have what it requires to be an elite soldier?

Swapping the seaside for a lot more brutal surrounds, an expedition journey enterprise is supplying SAS: Who Dares Wins-style excursions to put intrepid travellers by way of their paces.

Trident Experience is operate by previous special forces troopers and most not too long ago they ventured to the Arctic wilds, battling temperatures as lower as minus 30 levels Celsius and tackling untraversed landscapes on cross nation skis.

Trident Adventure most recently ventured to the Arctic wilds, having intrepid travellers on a cross-state ski expedition. The vast majority of the team had by no means skied just before

Throughout the vacation, the adventurous holidaymakers could take a dip in icy waters

But if you’re experience intimidated by the sounds of it all, will not be.

Nick Grainge, who co-led the armed forces-influenced expedition, claims the visits are open to any one and he specialises in instruction people up from ‘zero to hero’ employing methods he acquired from the SAS.

He informed MailOnline Travel: ‘Ten out of the 12 persons on our course experienced under no circumstances skied prior to but all people pulled through.

‘Each human being carried all their kit for the period on their backs. It was a really attractive location substantial up in the mountains of Norway and Sweden. We lined 6 to nine several hours a working day with excessive weather disorders on events.

Nick Grainge, who co-led the armed forces-motivated expedition, states the journeys are open up to any person and he specialises in education people today up from ‘zero to hero’ applying solutions he uncovered from the SAS

Every single human being carried their own kit as they skied via the snowy hills of Norway and Sweden

All individuals have been provided a package list ahead of their trip, which contained the essential goods to preserve them warm

Ex-SAS soldier Nick Grainge of Trident Adventures and Elite Outside Physical fitness

‘There was a combine of shorter comforting days and longer enduring days.’

So the intrepid holidaymakers have been organized for their extreme journey, Nick provided instruction by means of his organization Elite Outdoor Physical fitness.

He claims frequently his purchasers can uncover 5km park runs complicated to begin with but by the time he is concluded with them, they’re tackling marathons.

The previous soldier, who is dependent in South Wales, operates coaching camps across the nation.

Some of the routines individuals can anticipate usually are not far too dissimilar to all those viewed on SAS: Who Dares Wins – hill going for walks with weights, running with sandbags, carrying logs and navigating terrain by night.

Pictures from the Trident Experience ‘Arctic Warrior’ excursion clearly show the group in one file sliding by means of the snow and plunging into an icy pool of water at 1 issue.

The good thing is, despite the fact that it was cold, the temperature in March stayed brilliant with the winds somewhat very low.

All participants had been given a kit listing prior to their journey, which contained the necessary products to preserve them warm in the sub-zero local weather.

So the intrepid holidaymakers had been organized for their serious experience, Nick supplied teaching by means of his organization Elite Outside Health

Some of the things to do persons can anticipate on Nick’s schooling classes are not way too dissimilar to individuals found on SAS: Who Dares Wins – hill walking with weights, operating with sandbags, carrying logs and navigating terrain by night time, pictured remaining. Pictured appropriate, associates of the ski group gearing up for a extended working day of skiing ahead

A group picture from the Trident Adventure ‘Arctic Warrior’ journey. The expeditions appeal to persons from all walks of lifestyle

On the Arctic expedition, the staff ended up burning all over 5,000 to 8,000 calories a working day as they skied.

On an typical day, they would deal with all around 19km (11 miles) and be out in the factors for up to nine hrs.

Nick recounts: ‘In some areas there would be some quite steep climbs.

‘With skis on, this was challenging on the legs and we slowed down to about 1km an hour.’

On the food items front, gourmet eating is out and military-model rations are in.

Nick states he dehydrates foods just before expeditions as it can make it lighter to pack. Some of his favourite treats involve berries, fruits, meats and vegetables.

Nick claims the ‘people that book on to adventures these kinds of as Arctic Warrior are folks that want to do a little something a very little unique and problem themselves’

The expedition team halt for a relaxation as the sunlight beats down

‘All you have to do is increase incredibly hot h2o to make the food edible once again,’ the adventurer points out.

Revealing why he loves his expedition and conditioning teaching work, Nick concludes: ‘ We now are section of a local community of persons that adore own improvement, the fantastic outside and having a good chortle with like-minded people today no matter what amount of health and fitness they are and the factor that sets by themselves apart from the rest is a renewed self confidence to improved recognize that they can reach a great deal far more then they think.

‘We have people from 18 to 78 decades old.

‘The friendships that have been forged among all these people today about the past several decades is inspiring and we do the job together to get the greatest out of every single other.

‘People that book onto adventures such as Arctic Warrior are men and women that want to do some thing a tiny unique and obstacle them selves.’

Are you prepared to check your mettle? Take a look at the Trident Adventure website for far more info.

#IFTTT #trackrgadget

0 notes

kartiavelino · 6 years

Text

Your ultimate summer binge-watch guide

The summer TV doldrums are right here, with a plethora of tacky prime-time sport exhibits and underwhelming new collection (“Reverie“). The right way to survive? Make amends for a few of the good things: exhibits that will have fallen by way of your scheduling cracks — even some certain to rack up Emmy nominations subsequent month. There’s somewhat one thing for everybody. In case you’re an Anglophile: “Howards Finish,” Starz The E.M. Forster novel about two sisters and their engagement with the higher and decrease courses in turn-of-the-century England was first filmed in 1992 in an Oscar-winning film starring Emma Thompson and Anthony Hopkins. Starz premiered an episodic remedy of the identical story that was each bit as elegant as the unique. That includes a spirited efficiency by Hayley Atwell as a girl whose idealism is examined when she marries right into a rich household. For the “Gilmore Women” fan: “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,” Amazon [embedded content] Maybe probably the most refreshing comedy collection to come back our approach within the final 5 years. The journey of Midge Maisel from complacent Manhattan housewife to stressed-out stand-up comedian is each an endearing take a look at one lady’s quest for a artistic identification and a valentine to New York’s comedy membership scene of the late 1950s and early 1960s. Anchored by a totally lovely efficiency by Rachel Brosnahan, this collection from “Gilmore Women” creator Amy Sherman-Palladino was a winner out of the gate. And the garments are to die for. For much more geopolitical drama than the information: “Fauda,” Netflix The historic battle between Israelis and Palestinians is the main focus of this taut, suspenseful drama that pits the Israeli Particular Forces towards a fugitive fictitious Hamas terrorist Abu-Ahmed (Hisham Suliman). “Fauda” (subtitled) takes us into the non-public lives of males who’re keen to threat all the things they maintain expensive for his or her political gamesmanship. A intellectual cop present: “Babylon Berlin,” Netflix Cologne police commissioner Gereon Rath (Volker Bruch) and bold police clerk Charlotte Ritter (Liv Lisa Fries) type an unlikely crime-fighting duo in this German noir procedural that captures 1929 Berlin in all its decadent glory. Within the 16 episodes obtainable (all subtitled), Rath investigates one among Berlin’s largest pornography rings and tries, with Charlotte’s assist, to forestall a practice carrying toxic gases from being hijacked by Soviet rebels. New perception into 9/11: “The Looming Tower,” Hulu This meticulously constructed portrait of how the CIA’s rivalry with the FBI straight led to the al-Qaeda assault on the World Commerce Middle could enrage you. However you won’t be able to look away from the proof that the individuals entrusted with defending the nation had been extra motivated by self-interest than their assembly their skilled obligations. Jeff Daniels and French actor Tamir Rahim, who performs FBI rising star Ali Soufan, lead a stellar forged. When you’re caught up on “Westworld”: “Godless,” Netflix [embedded content] It’s uncommon that one actor will get to play a plausible hero and a vicious villain in the identical season, however Jeff Daniels, an Emmy winner for HBO’s “The Newsroom,” has pulled off that hat trick on this stark, 1800s Western. In a small city populated by girls who misplaced their husbands in a mining accident, Daniels performs Frank Griffin, an outlaw gang chief Frank Griffin who’s attempting to find the person who acquired away — his ex-protege, Roy Goode (Jack O’Connell). Daniels is more likely to be a repeat winner on the Emmys, however voters may have a troublesome time selecting between this ripsnorting efficiency or his shifting work because the real-life FBI agent John O’Neill in “The Looming Tower.” For followers of “Regulation & Order: Particular Victims Unit”: “Killing Eve,” BBC America Sandra Oh rebounds splendidly from her “Gray’s Anatomy” days as MI-5 agent Eve Polastri, whose job it’s to guard homicide witnesses. She meets her match in Villanelle (Jodie Comer), a sociopathic murderer who dispatches her victims with a deadly hairpin. Already renewed for a second season, “Killing Eve” offers you the chills as every lady fights to realize the higher hand. The “Titanic” you by no means knew about: The Terror, AMC [embedded content] The real-life story of the HMS Erebus and HMS Terror, doomed ships that had been dispatched by the British Navy in 1846 to navigate the Northwest Passage and had been later stranded within the Arctic, is a brave survival drama with a sci-fi edge, due to a predatory polar bear that wreaks havoc with 120 males on board. Jared Harris (“The Crown,” “Mad Males”) and Ciaran Fingers (“Sport of Thrones”) head a robust forged. Share this: https://nypost.com/2018/06/18/your-ultimate-summer-binge-watch-guide/ The post Your ultimate summer binge-watch guide appeared first on My style by Kartia. https://www.kartiavelino.com/2018/06/your-ultimate-summer-binge-watch-guide.html

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releasesomesteam-blog · 7 years

Text

The Big List

As far as I can tell there is no application to put my library into plain text so I’ll have to do this all manually... 1,255 Games*. Here we go (in Alphabetical)

*Actual amount is less due to hidden games and the such.

Now how did I do this? Well I used https://steamdb.info/ to get a list of all my Steam games. From there I just copied everything into Notepad++. I then deleted the easy bits (AppID, game) using find and replace. In find and replace I then used this code snippet \:.*?% and \r\n\r\n to get rid of the rest of the useless filler. From there I got this usable text. This was a lot more enjoyable than going through and typing my whole library in manually.

16 Bit Arena

1954 Alcatraz

1Heart

404Sight

7 Days to Die

8BitMMO

9 Clues

911

A New Beginning - Final Cut

A Valley Without Wind

A Valley Without Wind 2

A-men

A-Men 2

A.V.A. Alliance of Valiant Arms™

Abducted

Aberoth

Absconding Zatwor

Absent

Abyss

ACE - Arena

Ace of Spades

Advent Rising

AdVenture Capitalist

Aerena

Age of Conan

Agricultural Simulator 2013 Steam Edition

Agricultural Simulator

Aion

AirMech

Airport Simulator 2014

Alan Wake

Alan Wake's American Nightmare

Alex Hunter - Lord of the Mind

Alganon

Alice

Alien Shooter

Alien

Aliens vs. Predator

All Is Dust

Altitude

Always Sometimes Monsters Demo

Amazing World

America's Army 3

America's Army

Amnesia

Among Ripples

Among the Sleep

Ampu-Tea

Anarchy Arcade

And Yet It Moves

Anno 2070

Anno Online

Anodyne

Anomaly Warzone Earth

Ant War

Antichamber

APB Reloaded

Aperture Tag

Arcane Saga Online

Archeblade

Arctic Combat

ARK

Arma 2

Armed with Wings

Army of Tentacles

Ascend

Astro Lords

Atlantica Online

Audition Online

Aura Kingdom

Avalanche 2

Avenging Angel

Awesomenauts

Back to Bed

Back to Dinosaur Island

Badland Bandits

Banished

Batla

Battle Battalions

Battle for Blood - Epic battles within 30 seconds!

Battle for Graxia

BattleBlock Theater

Battlegrounds of Eldhelm

BattleSpace

Battlestations: Midway

: 6870, Game

Battle for Blood - Epic battles within 30 seconds!

Battle for Graxia

BattleBlock Theater

Battlegrounds of Eldhelm

BattleSpace

Battlestations

Battlestations Beasts of Prey

Bejeweled 3

Besiege

Betrayer

Between IGF Demo

Big Pharma

Bionic Commando Rearmed

BioShock

BioShock 2

BioShock 2 Remastered

BioShock Infinite

BioShock Remastered

BIT.TRIP RUNNER

Bitweb

Black Fire

Blacklight

Blast Em!

Blender 2.78

Block N Load

BLOCKADE 3D

Blood Omen 2

Bloodline Champions

BloodRayne

BloodRayne 2

BloodRayne

BloodRealm

Bloodwood Reload

Bloody Streets

Bloop

Blue Estate Digital Comic

Borderlands

Borderlands 2

Borderlands

Boring Man - Online Tactical Stickman Combat

BRAWL

Brawl Busters

Break Into Zatwor

Brick-Force

Brick-Force (US)

Brilliant Bob

Brink of Consciousness

Broken Age

Brütal Legend

Bullet Run

Bunker - The Underground

Burstfire

C.R.E.E.P.S

CaesarIA

Cakewalk Loop Manager

Cakewalk Sound Center

Call of Duty

Call of Juarez Gunslinger

Camera Obscura

Cannons Lasers Rockets

Car Mechanic Simulator 2014

Card Hunter

Castaway Paradise

Caster

Castle

Cat on a Diet

Cave Story+

Centauri Sector

Champions of Regnum

Champions Online

Chaos Heroes Online

Chivalry

Chompy Chomp Chomp

Chroma Squad

Chronicles of a Dark Lord

Circuits

Cities in Motion 2

Cities

City of Steam

Clicker Heroes

Clockwork Tales

Close Your Eyes

Clown House (Palyaço Evi)

Cobi Treasure Deluxe

Codename CURE

Cogs

Coil

Collisions

Color Symphony

Combat Monsters

Combat Wings

Comedy Quest

Company of Heroes

Company of Heroes (New Steam Version)

Company of Heroes

Conflicks - Revolutionary Space Battles Demo

Construct 2 Free

Contagion

Contraption Maker

Cook, Serve, Delicious!

Copa Petrobras de Marcas

Corporate Lifestyle Simulator

Cosmic DJ

Cossacks II

Costume Quest

Costume Quest 2

Counter-Strike

Counter-Strike Nexon

Counter-Strike

Craft The World

Crash Drive 2

Crash Time II

Crayon Physics Deluxe

CrimeCraft GangWars

CroNix

Crookz - The Short Movie

Crusaders of the Lost Idols

Cry of Fear

Crypt of the NecroDancer

Crystal Towers 2

Crystals of Time

Cubic Castles

Curse of Mermos

Cute Things Dying Violently

Dark Arcana

Dark Matter

Dark Quest

DarkBase 01

Darksiders II Deathinitive Edition

Darksiders Warmastered Edition

Darkstone

Darkwind

Day of Defeat

Days Under Custody

DCS World

Dead Effect

Dead Island

Dead Rising 2

Dead Rising 3

Dead Space 2

Deadbreed®

Deathmatch Classic

Deepworld

DEFCON

Defiance

Dementium II HD

Demise of Nations

Democracy 3

Demon Hunter

Demons with Shotguns

Deponia

Depression Quest

Destination Sol

Dethroned!

DEUS EX MACHINA 2

Deus Ex

Dev Guy

Devils & Demons

DiggerOnline

Dino D-Day

DiRT Showdown

Disciples III

DiscStorm

Dishonored

District 187

Dizzel

Dogs of War Online - Beta

Don't Starve

Don't Starve Together

Doodle God

DOOM 3

Dota 2

Dota 2 Test

Dr. Langeskov, The Tiger, and The Terribly Cursed Emerald

Dracula

Dragon Age

Dragon Nest

Dragon's Prophet

Dragons and Titans

DRAKERZ-Confrontation

Draw a Stickman

Dream Chamber

Dream Of Mirror Online

Driver Booster 3 for STEAM

Dropsy

Duck Dynasty

Dungeon Defenders II

Dungeon Fighter Online

Dungeonland

Dungeons & Dragons Online®

Dwarfs F2P

Dystopia

EAC eSports

Eador. Genesis

East India Company Gold

Echo of Soul

Echoes+

Edna & Harvey

Eldevin

Eldritch

Electric Highways

Elsword

Empire

Enclave

Endless Sky

Enemy Mind

Enforcer

Enigmatis 2

Enigmatis

Epic Arena

Epic Cards Battle(TCG)

ePic Character Generator

Escape

Esenthel Engine

Eternal Fate

Euro Truck Simulator 2

Eurofighter Typhoon

Everlasting Summer

Everlasting Summer DLC "One pioneer's story"

EverQuest II

EVGA Precision XOC

Evoland

Evoland 2

Evolution RTS

Evolve Stage 2

F.E.A.R. Online

Face of Mankind

Fallen Earth

Fallout 4

Fallout

Famaze

Fancy Skulls

Far Cry Primal

Far Cry® 3 Blood Dragon

Farming World

FarSky

Fiends of Imprisonment

Fiesta Online

Fiesta Online NA

Fight The Dragon

FINAL TAKE

Fingerbones

Fire & Forget - The Final Assault

FIREFIGHT RELOADED

Firefly Online Cortex

Fishing Planet

Fistful of Frags

FlatOut

FlatOut 2

Flatout 3

FlatOut

Floating Point

Football Superstars

Forge

Forsaken World

FortressCraft Evolved

FortressCraft Evolved Multiplayer

Frederic

Free to Play

Free To Play (Streaming)

Freshman Year

From Bedrooms to Billions

Frozen Free Fall

Frozen Synapse Prime

Fuse

Gabe Newell Simulator

Galcon 2

Dev Tycoon

s of Glory

Garry's Mod

GAUGE

Gear Up

Gems of War

Get Off My Lawn!

Ghostbusters

Glorkian Warrior

Go To Bed

Goat Simulator

Gold Rush! Classic

Golden Rush

Goodbye Deponia

Goosebumps

Gotham City Impostors

Grand Chase

Grass Simulator

Gratuitous Space Battles

GRAV

Grey Cubes

GRID 2

Grim Fandango Remastered

Grim Legends 2

Grim Legends

Grimm

Guacamelee! Super Turbo Championship Edition

Guardians of Victoria

Gunpoint

Guns and Robots

Guns of Icarus Online

Guns'N'Zombies

Gunscape

GunZ 2

H1Z1

Hack 'n' Slash

Hacker Evolution

Hacker Evolution - Untold

Hacker Evolution Duality

Hacker Evolution Source Code

Haegemonia

Half Minute Hero

Half-Life

Half-Life 2

Half-Life Deathmatch

Half-Life

Hammerfight

Happy Wars

Haunted Memories

Hazard Ops

Headcrab Frenzy!

Heaven Island - VR MMO

Heavy Bullets

Heckabomb

Hero Siege

Heroes & Generals

Heroes of Legionwood

Heroes of Scene

Heroes of SoulCraft

Heroine's Quest

Hidden Object Bundle 4 in 1

Hills Of Glory 3D

HIS (Heroes In the Sky)

HIT

Hitman 2

Hitman

HOMEFRONT Demo

Hospital Tycoon

Hostile Waters

Hotline Miami 2

House of 1,000 Doors - Family Secrets

House of 1000 Doors

House of Snark 6-in-1 Bundle

Houston, we have a problem

How to Survive

HunieCam Studio

Hunting Unlimited 2010

Huntsman - The Orphanage Halloween Edition

Hyperspace Pinball

I am Bread

Idle Civilization

Iesabel

In Search of the Most Dangerous Town on the Internet

Infinite Crisis™

InMind VR

Inquisitor

Insurgency

Invisible Apartment

iPi Mocap Studio 2

Iron Brigade

Iron Grip

Iron Snout

It came from space, and ate our brains

Jagged Alliance Online - Steam Edition

Jet Racing Extreme

Jigoku Kisetsukan

Just Cause

Just Cause 2

Just Cause 3

Kane & Lynch 2

Kane & Lynch

Karos

Karos Returns

Kerbal Space Program

Kill Fun Yeah

Kill The Bad Guy

Killing Floor

Killing Floor - Toy Master

Killing Floor 2

Killing Floor 2 - SDK

Killing Floor

Kingdom Rush

Kingdom Wars

Kingdoms CCG

King’s Bounty

Knights and Merchants

Knights of Pen and Paper +1

KnightShift

Kung Fu Strike

Kung Fury

L.A. Noire

La Tale

Lambda Wars Beta

Lambda Wars Dedicated Server

Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light

Layers of Fear

Leadwerks Launcher

Left 4 Dead

Left 4 Dead 2

Left 4 Dead 2 Beta

Legacy of Kain

Legena

Legendary

Legends of Solitaire

Lego Harry Potter

LEGO Harry Potter

LEGO® Jurassic World

LEGO® Pirates of the Caribbean The Video

LEGO® Star Wars™

LEGO® The Hobbit™

Leona's Tricky Adventures

Let the Cat In

Life Is Strange™

Lifeless

Lifeless Planet

Lift It

Little Farm

Little Racers STREET

Loadout

Loadout Campaign Beta

Lost Planet 3

Lost Saga North America

Lovely Planet

Lucius

Lume

Luminosity

LUXOR

Mabinogi

Mad Max

Mad Max System Test

Magic Barrage - Bitferno

Magic Duels

Magic

Magicka

MapleStory

March of War

Marvel Puzzle Quest

Mass Effect 2

MASSIVE CHALICE

Match 3 Revolution

Max Gentlemen

Max Payne

Medieval Engineers

Medieval Engineers - Mod SDK

MEDIEVAL

Melissa K. and the Heart of Gold Collector's Edition

Memoir '44 Online

Memoria

Merchants of Kaidan

Metal Gear Solid Legacy

METAL GEAR SOLID V

Metal Reaper Online

METAL SLUG DEFENSE

Metro Conflict

Microsoft Flight Simulator X

MicroVolts Surge

Midnight Mysteries 4

Mightier

Millionaire Manor

MIND Path to Thalamus E.Edition

Mind Snares

Mini Motor Racing EVO

Mining & Tunneling Simulator

Mirror's Edge

Missing Translation

Mitos.is

Modular Combat

Monstrum

Montague's Mount

Monument Builders

Moon Breakers

Moonbase Alpha

Morphopolis

Mortal Kombat Komplete Edition

Mortal Kombat X

Mortal Kombat

Moto Racer Collection

Mount & Blade

Mountain Crime

MoW

MX vs. ATV Reflex

My Lands

My Name is Mayo

NAM

Napoleon

Narcissu 1st & 2nd

Natural Selection 2

Navy Field 2

Nearwood - Collector's Edition

Nebula Online

Neverwinter

Nicolas Eymerich The Inquisitor

Nightbanes

Nightmares from the Deep 3

Nightmares from the Deep

NightSky

Nihilumbra

No More Room in Hell

Nova-111

Nuclear Throne

Nyctophilia

Octodad

Odyssey Reborn

One Final Breath

One Finger Death Punch

One Hundred Ways

One Manga Day

One Way To Die

Only If

Operation Flashpoint

Orborun

Orcs Must Die!

Orcs Must Die! 2

ORION

Ostrich Island

Out There Somewhere

Outlast

Overlord

Overlord II

Overlord

PAC-MAN Championship Edition DX+

Painkiller Hell & Damnation

Painkiller Overdose

Painkiller

Paint it Back

Pandora Saga

Passing Pineview Forest

Path of Exile

Pay2Win

PAYDAY 2

PAYDAY

Penarium

Penumbra

Pilot Crusader

Pinball Arcade

Pinball FX2

Pink Heaven

Pink Hour

Pirates, Vikings, & Knights II

Pixel Puzzles Ultimate

Pixel Puzzles

Plague Inc

PlanetSide 2

Please, Don’t Touch Anything

Plush

Pocket God vs Desert Ashes

Poker Night 2

Poker Night at the Inventory

Polarity

Port of Call

Portal

Portal 2

Portal 2 Sixense Perceptual Pack

Portal Stories

Post Master

POSTAL 2

Postal 3

Pox Nora

Predator Simulator

Prime World

Prison Architect

Professional Farmer 2014

Project Root

Proto Raider

ProtoGalaxy

Psychonauts

Puddle

PulseCharge

Puzzle Kingdoms

Puzzle Pirates

Puzzler World

Puzzler World 2

Pyramid Raid

Q.U.B.E.

Qora

Quantum Rush Online

Quintet

RACE 07

RACE 07 - Formula RaceRoom Add-On

RACE On

Rack N Ruin

Radium

Ragnarok

Ragnarok Clicker

Ragnarok Online - Free to Play - European Version

Ragnarok Online 2

RaiderZ

Reach for the Sun

Realm of the Mad God

Reckless Ruckus

Red Faction

Red Faction II

Red Faction

Red Stone Online

Redemption

Regimental Chess

Relic Hunters Zero

Relive

Remember Me

Renaissance Heroes

Requiem

resident evil 4 / biohazard 4

Resident Evil 5 / Biohazard 5

Resident Evil Revelations / Biohazard Revelations

Resident Evil Revelations 2 / Biohazard Revelations 2

Retro/Grade IGF Demo

Reversion - The Escape

Reversion - The Meeting

Rexaura

Ricochet

RIFT

Rise of Flight United

Rise of Incarnates

Risen 2 - Dark Waters

Rising Angels

Rising World

Rising World Dedicated Server

Rock of Ages

Rocket League

Roller Coaster Rampage

RollerCoaster Tycoon 2

RollerCoaster Tycoon 3

RollerCoaster Tycoon

Rome

ROSE Online

Royal Quest

RPG MO

Rumble

Run and Fire

Runespell

Running Shadow

Rust

Rustbucket Rumble

Rusty Hearts

SAGA

Saints Row 2

Saints Row IV

Saints Row IV Inauguration Station

Saints Row

Saira

Sakura Clicker

SanctuaryRPG

Sanctum

Sanctum 2

Savage Lands

SC2VN - The eSports Visual Novel

Schein

School of Dragons

Seduce Me the Otome

SEGA Mega Drive & Genesis Classics

Sentinels of the Multiverse

Serena

Serious Sam 3

Shadow Hunter

Shadow of Kingdoms

Shadow Warrior Classic (1997)

Shadows

Shank

Shantae and the Pirate's Curse

ShareX

Shattered Haven

Sherlock Holmes Consulting Detective

SHOGUN

Shoppe Keep

Sid Meier's Civilization V

Sid Meier's Covert Action (Classic)

Sigils of Elohim

Silver Creek Falls - Chapter 1

Simply Chess

Sinless

Sins of a Dark Age

Ski-World Simulator

Skyrim Script Extender (SKSE)

Skyscraper Simulator

Sleep Attack

Slender

Small Town Terrors Pilgrim's Hook Collector's Edition

Smashmuck Champions

Smugglers 5

Sniper Elite

Sniper Elite 3

Sniper Elite V2

Sniper

Snowcat Simulator

Soccer Manager 2015

Soccer Manager 2016

Soldier Front 2

SolForge

Sonic Generations

Soulbringer

South Park™

Space Engineers

Space Hack

Space Pirates and Zombies

Spacebase DF-9

Sparkle 2 Evo

Spartans Vs Zombies Defense

Spellsworn

Spiral Knights

Spiral Knights Preview

Spore

Sprint Cars

Stacking

Star Conflict

Star Trek Online

STAR WARS™ Battlefront™ II

STAR WARS™ Empire at War

STAR WARS™ Galactic Battlegrounds Saga

STAR WARS™ Jedi Knight

STAR WARS™ Knights of the Old Republic™ II

STAR WARS™ Rebellion

STAR WARS™ X-Wing vs TIE Fighter

STAR WARS™

Starship Rubicon

Starship Traveller

State of Decay

Statues

STCC

Stealth Inc 2

SteamDB Unknown App 243870

Stick RPG 2

Stikbold!

Stranded Deep

Strider

Strife

Strike Suit Zero

Stronghold 2

Stronghold Crusader Extreme HD

Stronghold HD

Stronghold Kingdoms

Stronghold Legends

Subnautica

Subspace Continuum

Summer Sale

Sunrider

Super Crate Box

Super Cyborg

Super Death Arena

Super Jam

Super Monday Night Combat

Surgeon Simulator

Survarium

Switchcars

Syberia

Syder Arcade

sZone-Online

Tabletop Simulator

Tactical Genius

Tactical Intervention

Take On Helicopters

Takedown

Tales Runner

Tango Fiesta

Tap Heroes

Tap Tap Infinity

Tap Tap Legions - Epic battles within 5 seconds!

TDP4

TDP5 Arena 3D

Team Fortress 2

Team Fortress Classic

Teeworlds

TERA

Terrain Test

That Old Time Religion

The Amazing Spider-Man

The Banner Saga

The Bluecoats

The Cat and the Coup

The chronicles of Emerland. Solitaire.

The Crew

The Culling

The Dark Eye

The Desolate Hope

The Detail

The Dolls

The Elder Scrolls V

The Escapists

The Expendabros

The Extinction

The Few

The First Templar

The Forest

The Forgotten Ones

The Four Kings Casino and Slots

The Gate

The Guild Gold Edition

The Guild II

The Guild II - Pirates of the European Seas

The Guild II

The Inner World

The Knobbly Crook

The Legend of Tango

The Long Dark

The Lord of the Rings Online™

The Lost Island

The Magic Circle

The Making of Grim Fandango Remastered

The Old Tree

The Park

The Plan

The Room

The Secret of Tremendous Corporation

The Settlers Online

The Ship

The Ship Single Player

The Ship Tutorial

The Sources of Tremendous Corporation

The Stanley Parable

the static speaks my name

The Sun and Moon

The Talos Principle

The Way of Life Free Edition

The Weaponographist

The Whispered World Special Edition

The Witcher

theHunter

There Was a Caveman

They Came From The Moon

Thief

Thief 2

Thief Gold

Thief

Thinking with Time Machine

This War of Mine

Three Dead Zed

Tiki Man

Time Clickers

Time Mysteries

Titan Souls

Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Phantoms - EU

Tomb Raider (VI)

Tomb Raider I

Tomb Raider II

Tomb Raider III

Tomb Raider

TOME

Toribash

Total War Battles

Total War

Tower Wars

Tower Wars Editor

TrackMania Nations Forever

Transformice

Trash TV

Trash TV (demo)

Tropico

Tropico 2

Tropico 3

Tropico 4

Trove

TY the Tasmanian Tiger 4

Tycoon City

UberStrike

Ultimate Tic-Tac-Toe

Ultra Street Fighter IV

Uncharted Waters Online

Universal Combat CE

Universe Sandbox

Unturned

Valkyria Chronicles™

Vanguard

Velvet Sundown

Victory Command

Villagers and Heroes

Vindictus

Viridi

Viscera Cleanup Detail

Voices from the Sea

Volume

Voyage

VVVVVV

WAKFU

Walkover

War Inc. Battlezone

War of the Immortals

Warehouse and Logistics Simulator

Warface

Warframe

War

Warhammer 40,000

Warmachine Tactics

WARMODE

Warside

Wasteland 1 - The Original Classic

Wasteland 2

Waves

We Happy Few

Weird Park Trilogy

Weird Worlds

Who Is Mike

Why So Evil

Why So Evil 2

Wild Warfare

Wind of Luck

Wizardry Online

Wooden Floor

Wooden Sen'SeY

World of Battles

World of Guns

World of Soccer online

Worms

Worms Revolution

Wrath of Athena

Xam

Xotic

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK HEADRUSH

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK MOVIES

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK SPORTS

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK TELEVISION

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 1 XL

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 2

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 3

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK Vol. 4 The Ride

You Have to Win the

Your Quest

Zeno Clash 2

ZOMBI

Zombie Army Trilogy

Zombie Driver HD

Zombie Driver HD Apocalypse Pack

Zombie Driver HD Tropical Race Rage

Zombie Kill of the Week - Reborn

Zombie Shooter

Zombies Monsters Robots

Zombillie

Zoo Park

#huge #list

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