#Even though I was under time pressure so I wasn't Fully able to get what was in my head out I got Most of it out
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Okay but that dating sim gif is SO GOOD. Like, WHAT??? It looks like something out of a real life professional game, and now I want to play it, lol. It's very very cool and well done, I loved all the details! The expressiveness and the transitions, the sudden change in Edgar's eyes and the lighting around him!! He even blinks, like??? Truly, animation goals. You're such an inspiration to me! It blows me away that you did that in such a short timeframe!
Haha, thank you very much! ♥ I also really want to play a Vargas dating sim, every time I chip at the concept I get a new smattering of ideas hehe ♪
You got me anon, that’s what I’m able to do in the sweet spot between “Just enough time to get the framework of what I have in my head” and “Not enough time to overthink the details” - it’s a system that works pretty well for me :D
The time crunch gives me that little burst of energy to get what I’m able to see in my mind onto page and canvas, while also still missing a few of the things I’d want to come back and get right next time - I’m sure you noticed the barren bookshelves and maybe the lack of door frame lol, but those are important signifiers for growth! Maybe next time, I’m able to draw a bit faster, or remember more details, and I’ll have noticeably improved ✨ That’s my goal anyway haha
If I’d had just a liiiiiittle more time, I definitely would’ve made an homage to Zarla’s Ghosts’ blink animation. Two frame blinks are all well and good, but that bounce brings me so much joy ♫
#Requestober#Vargas#anonymous#It does make me happy to hear you enjoyed it so much ♪ I'm quite proud of it too! Don't let me little comments convince you otherwise!#I just know where I'd like to next improve >:3c Which is also an important step!#I feel like I'm preaching here but fjslkajfd art improvement is important ot me lol - it's great to fail upward#Even though I was under time pressure so I wasn't Fully able to get what was in my head out I got Most of it out#And because I was able to get Most of it I can now come back and improve on the bones any time :D#If I was able to spend more time on it ♪ I really do think I could make something Really cool >:3c#Actually you wanna know a fun fact about the blinks? Lol#They were a spur of the moment decision - originally his closed eyes were only meant to be for that final expression#But then I was like ''Hmmm. I bet I could animate on twos for a couple simple blinks. I bet it would add a lot'' and I think it did :D#Literally just copied his closed eyes onto a separate layer it looks super janky in my files ✨#There's like a marquee in the back of my head going ''If it was in an actual game program I could make a loop that would seamlessly tran-''#Lol I really love the back end of game design I think it's super interesting even if I'm still very green to it ♥#Anyway anyway anyway#Thank you again anon <3 It is very appreciated ^^ And thanks for giving me an excuse to ramble about it lol ♪
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Parallel Hearts
[Marty Mcfly x Female!Reader]
Synopsis: Just as he was about to leave for good, Marty finds himself at a standstill because of you.
WC: 1,595
Category: Fluff
I always wanted to write about the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance and now I have. Enjoy!
『••✎••』
“Marty, that was very interesting music.”
The words were uttered in a tone that was as dry as a desert, but Marty didn’t care to take heed of it, for he had a mission – and that was to get home as fast as he could.
He knew Doc was waiting for him at the clock tower, with the DeLorean fully hooked up and ready to go. His face was probably set and grim, too. In fact, Marty was certain Doc would be more than a little concerned, since Marty had been away much longer than he had told him.
But he had to make sure he was going to be able to return back to 1985, so what did it matter if he spent an extra ten minutes just to make sure he was still going to exist?
Besides, the old-fashioned audience actually appreciated his guitar skills (for the most part), and it felt good to be noticed, even if it wasn't the type of audience he was used to. It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.
And so… Marty was going to leave this outdated time period behind with a smile and return back to 1985, the town Hill Valley that he had grown up in, where he had his best friend who knew him, his frenemy, his parents, and the life that he loved.
He was going to return to the Hill Valley he called home, but then he saw you.
He had only met you a couple of times before, but he recognized you instantly. It was hard to forget the young woman that was so dedicated and so determined to help him out in his mission, despite being completely clueless about it. You had helped him a great deal with setting up George and Lorraine, and the way you had helped him was something he could never repay.
He couldn’t help but feel a slight twinge of regret when he thought of his rushed adventure in the past, because he had never gotten the chance to get to know you. He was just aware of your name and that you were a good friend of Lorraine.
“Leaving so soon?” you asked, the smile on your lips soft and gentle. Your eyes sparkled in a way that was very familiar, and he remembered how Lorraine had looked at him when he first approached her.
It wasn't exactly the same look, but there was a spark of something in your eyes that made Marty stop in his tracks.
Maybe it was a mistake to linger, because he knew that his life was quite literally on the line. And yet, here he was, doing just that.
“Uh, yes?” he replied, feeling like an absolute fool for being so tongue-tied. He could barely manage to get a word out, and his mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. He was usually cool under pressure, but right now, he was anything but cool.
Your expression softened, and you looked at him with such sympathy that it made his heart ache. He could feel a blush slowly creeping up his cheeks.
It didn’t make any sense, he didn't even know you! And yet, it was as though there was a connection. It wasn’t something physical, or something tangible, but something deeper and more meaningful.
Marty couldn’t understand his strange thoughts, or the way his heart was racing so fast. The sensation was unfamiliar, and it was almost as though he was experiencing his own life from an outsider's perspective.
It was strange, and not something that was easy to describe. But one thing was certain...
He really did want to get to know you.
You tilted your head slightly, a look of amusement crossing your features. He realized then that he had been silent for a long time.
"Are you alright?" you asked, reaching out and placing your hand on his arm. "You look a little lost."
“What? No! I mean, yes. Yeah, I'm… peachy." he replied quickly, trying his best to regain some semblance of composure. "I, uh, just wanted to thank you again for helping me out with the whole Lorraine and… uh, George situation. It worked, and they're together... in love. Soon, they'll get married and have three kids, and hopefully this time be a happy family.”
He could see your confusion at his words, but you hid it well as a smile spread across your face. "That’s… very specific, but I’m glad it worked out. Lorraine really needed someone who would cherish her. She's a very sweet girl."
There was a long silence, and Marty felt his heart thumping wildly against his chest. It was so loud that he was certain you could hear it.
He took a deep breath and tried to calm his nerves. It wasn’t working.
One thought told him that he needed to go. The other urged him to stay.
A strange mixture of fear and anticipation made his heart pound even faster. He glanced around the room, searching for an escape route.
It would be easier to walk away now and forget about you. He knew he couldn’t afford to dally, not when Doc was waiting for him at the clock tower. He would probably have a heart attack if he was kept waiting any longer.
Marty turned to look at you, his blue eyes meeting yours. "I should, uh… really be going," he said, his voice faltering. "It's been really nice to see you again."
Before he could take another step, though, you reached out and grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks.
Marty turned to look at you, and was surprised by the intensity in your eyes.
"Can you spare one dance?" you asked, giving him a small smile. "Just one. It'll be quick, I promise."
He had a feeling it would be a bad idea. He was on a deadline, and time was running out. He was also supposed to be avoiding any form of contact with people from the past. It could change history, and he couldn't risk making another mistake.
But wouldn’t it be a mistake if he walked away from you?
What if the reason he felt this strange connection was because he was meant to get to know you? What if it was a sign that he was destined to meet you, and that he shouldn't walk away?
Marty took a deep breath, and decided that, for once, he was going to go against his better judgement and follow his heart.
Doc would probably hate him for it, but Marty didn’t care. What he did care about was the way your smile brightened when he caved and allowed you to drag him back.
He was slightly irritated with the fact that the band was still playing without that guitar, as it meant they completely bullshitted him on the whole 'can’t play without Marvin' thing, but when he took your hand in his, he forgot what he was mad about, and found himself getting swept away by the moment.
It wasn't a complicated dance. In fact, it was incredibly simple, but it was nice. Dancing with you was nice. It was like dancing in a dream. He felt like he was floating on air as he was lulled by the soft melody of the song.
It was a magical moment, and he wished it could last forever. However, reality came crashing down upon him, and he was suddenly reminded that his time was short.
He had to get home.
"I... I really have to go," Marty muttered, his gaze flickering down to your lips. You were close, so close that he could feel your warm breath tickling his cheek.
It would be so easy to lean in and kiss you, but he knew that would be a mistake. If he kissed you, it would only complicate things.
As much as he wanted to stay, he had to go.
"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I wish I could stay, but I… I can't.”
"That's okay," you replied, giving him a sad smile. "I understand."
You pulled away, and Marty instantly missed the warmth of your body pressed against his. Man, this was hard. He had never felt such a strong attraction to anyone before, and it was a struggle to resist.
You placed your hands on his shoulders and looked at him with an unreadable expression.
"Marty," you began, and his name sounded so sweet coming from your lips. "Thank you. For everything."
Before he could ask what you meant, you leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. It was light and quick, but it was enough to send his heart racing.
"Goodbye, Marty," you whispered, a hint of sadness in your voice.
And then you were gone, disappearing into the crowd, leaving him standing there with his jaw hanging open and his heart racing.
He didn't know what to say or how to react.
All he knew was that he would never forget the look in your eyes as you turned and walked away. It caused his hands to shake a little, and he couldn’t help but run one through his hair.
Damn. He couldn’t stop the memory of the way your lips felt against his cheek from lingering in his mind. It was a moment he would never forget.
He didn’t know if he would ever see you again, but he knew that he would never forget the girl with the sparkling eyes.
And, perhaps, if he was lucky, he would see you again.
#marty mcfly x reader#marty mcfly#marty#mcfly#marty mcfly x female!reader#bttf x reader#back to the future gif imagine#back to the future imagine#back to the future#bttf fandom#bttf#doctor emmett brown#emmett brown#christopher lloyd#michael j fox#x reader#reader#female!reader#bttf ii#bttf iii#time machine#1980s movies#1980s#1985#george mcfly#lorraine mcfly#needles#biff tannen#biff#bttf trilogy
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because apparently I can't stop being weird ! 🫠
(this is completely shipping goggles off btw and with the assumption that there's no point theorizing about these men's actual sexualities since a)male sports and b)required travel to countries where the penalty for homosexuality is death/imprisonment.)
I kind of love that we're all picking up on something new and indefinable with Lando and Oscar and it makes our hearts do a little squeeze without fully knowing why. I'm basically finding myself repeating everyone else's tags on landoscar gifsets. and it made me think about why and how Lando has had two main support systems in terms of friendships up til now. there's the F1 alphas/extroverts and then there are his childhood besties.
F1
so like every guy or group of guys I've seen with Carlos somehow admit he's in the alpha position and rotate around him as the leader. it's very much like Daniel even though Carlos and Daniel aren't much alike outside of that (Daniel makes noise to be the leader, Carlos just exists as a leader). for an ambivert like Lando, Carlos and Daniel are great places to be when he's getting pulled under. they're typical straight alpha types who don't believe in getting stuck in their heads or feelings (Carlos' 'mental health' ad basically being go to the gym and stay productive to not feel sad lol) and they exist in a kind of nonstop monologue. so little Lando can just bob along in the current and know that he'll laugh and forget whatever ails him. very much like what he needed Carlos for after the Mexico race when he looked so drained and ended up magically chipper again in Brazil (in reality bc of friendship and not a solid dicking down as I have tagged in a lot of places). or that private plane ride with Daniel where Lando looked twelve years old and so happy. Lando clearly needs to feel small again sometimes and these are the guys who can do that.
Childhood
Max F obviously has that role of truth-telling and soul-baring that honestly I could see Lando not being able to live without. the friend/soulmate you can't hide anything from. I'm absolutely projecting at this point as someone who feels verrrry simpatico with Lando's personality (as we're allowed to see it) but having that person who can love you while being honest and real with you is so SO SO needed. but! there are times when it's too much and they know that you need to just float for a while. I feel like there's that core group of guys in the Max F circle who are all to different degrees like this with Lando. they're much more his equals in power dynamic too.
Oscah??
I think this is where Oscar exists in like a third, unexplored space. he's been caught in 4K as a Lando fanboy but he's also got sleepy cat personality so you can only tell from the internet evidence and from the way his eyes track Lando every time they're in the same rough vicinity that he's still fairly starstruck.
to me it's like Oscar hasn't quite shaken the norm of watching Lando on his phone screen and he almost forgets that he's supposed to be the one interacting with Lando in the challenges etc.
now if you've watched the Prema content on YT you'll know that Oscar, while still sleepy and placid, absolutely knew how to play up for social media content. sure the pressure wasn't that high and he'd known some of those boys for years by then. but his timing was solid and he adopted a sarcastic voice-of-reason role to bounce off the other guys. but what's so endearing about the McLaren content is that Oscar has basically positioned himself as guest star in the Lando Show. it's like he's so relieved at how good Lando is at media content that he spends a lot of his role in it watching what Lando is doing. I'm serious when I say it seems like he forgets he's not watching Lando on a screen like he always used to.
I do however think it's a confident and conscious decision that he made to not even bother trying to be another Carlos or Daniel - or to try and copy paste a little of the banter he'll have seen Lando have in Quadrant videos. I really love that Oscar's said you know what I'm being me and it so happens I'm nothing like those other people in Lando's content.
but !! you know who's personality and sense of humor Oscar most resembles? Max F. dry humor, sleepy but can get riled up and fun when they're feeling it. sort of fondly exasperated with Lando a lot of the time. I loved the stream of Max watching the Most Likely To with Lando and Oscar because he sided with Oscar so many times and appreciated Oscar bringing up the birthday issue.
and I think that's where for Lando he's still pretty damn thrown by Oscar - not in a bad way, just still uncertain. Oscar doesn't fit with Lando's extroverted F1 world. Oscar's plenty friendly with the rest of the grid (and obv Logan) but he's choosing to largely go under the radar and he runs his social media very lowkey even during some of the major highs he's had his rookie season. he's there to race F1 cars and when that's over he's got a very good brain in his head and plenty of options. he doesn't have the same insecurities that a lot of the drivers admit to having. Lando can't rely on Oscar being a typical F1 driver to understand him.
to finally come around to some kind of point I think what we're seeing is Lando and Oscar tiptoeing around a friendship that would probably develop very fast and easily if it weren't for the F1 pressure and expectations. we're seeing Lando unusually flustered by how easy he gets Oscar's attention and how he seemingly can't annoy or inadvertently piss off Oscar even if he tries to wind him up in videos or if he gets lost in admiration for his own trophy while Oscar shrugs off his own P14 finish and smiles at Lando. I genuinely think that level of undemanding affection has Lando sort of squirmy in an adorable way.
and Oscar clearly went into the personal side of his relationship to Lando of just enjoying whatever he gets and not trying to be someone he isn't. rookie seasons are already so pressure packed and the drama with Alpine followed by the rough start McLaren had won't have helped. he's just trying to do his job and prove his place and honestly isn't bothering to hide that he's baffled and flustered at finding himself interacting with Lando Norris the way Carlos Sainz and Daniel Ricciardo were. it's easier to just let people see that Lando can wrap him around his finger.
when all the time, if they'd met via Max F or mutual non-F1 friends, Oscar would fold right into Lando's group like butter on toast. I think that's what we pick up on with either or both of them getting shy and crushing on each other like new best friends at school. F1 has picked them up and put a camera on them and we're watching them slowly learn if it's okay to put an arm around each other or sit very close or touch the other person's hair. because they know this is very Real FriendTM friend potential and they don't want to spook each other and their feelings could so easily be hurt if they thought the other person didn't want to be friends as much or if they'd turn their back on them in front of their other friends.
they're not interacting as Typical Blokes by horseplay or teasing or being loud and they're not Just Guys Bein Dudes using humor and sarcasm to figure out the pecking order.
most of the time they're so shy or Lando's in a mood and Oscar finds it adorable and they're watching each other so closely the whole time like this and aauuuuhhggggg it's so vulnerable and sweet.
that's how it feels to me anyway and why I'm so ???!!! watching them interact. and sidenote I'm so so glad Oscar is so steady and can celebrate Lando no matter what. bc Lando admits he struggles with that in turn and after the many times it's been tested it's clearly never going to be something that breaks them before they can continue to get closer <3
#landoscar#twinkodium#(I figured you might like this <3)#gonna tag this for anyone interested but pls know this is just me being dumb#apparently writing stuff like this is my main contribution ig#mine#inchidentallyanessay#inch gets weird
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can you make headcanons about dating sub klaus x fem reader
Headcanons: Dating Sub Klaus
what a wonderful thing it is dating the original hybrid
An even more wonderful thing?
He trusts you enough to be submissive to you.
Trust is definitely a BIG thing in your relationship
Like MAJOR
Baby boy can't be submissive to you if the trust isn't there
He probably had a submissive side he heavily suppressed in his previous relationships
After he subjugated you to a multitude of tests and trials to ensure your loyalty to him and him solely was true he started bringing it up
Only he didn't ACTUALLY bring it up
He just did little things to see if you would catch on and do the hard part for him
He didn't pull your body to his like he usually did when the two of you cuddled
He just sort of laid there until one day you finally asked him if everything was alright
He of course said it was but you knew him, knew it wasn't
But you dropped it anyways
He all but slapped himself in the face for not telling you then and there what was so bothering him but he couldn't
It was bugging him not being able to express his desire for submission to you
He just wanted you to hold him and tell him he was pretty okay!? Was that really too much to ask?
No, it wasn't. But he wouldn't ask, he couldn't. Couldn't face the embarrassment of the possible rejection.
Did he really think you'd say no, probably not, was the slightest chance of you saying no keeping him from asking? Yes
He wasn't even dominant like he was with his past partners he figures that would've told you what he wanted but alas you're not a mind reader, much to his chagrin, that would make things much easier
When he found out from Damon you had been the dominant one in your relationship with both him and his brother Stefan he got the courage to ask you to be on top of him during sex
You were naturally dominant in the bedroom and in most other aspects of life as well so this was no big deal... until you saw how nervous Klaus was
You asked if he was sure and he had never nodded his head so fast but the look you gave him told him you weren't fully convinced so he told you what he wanted
"Yes, I'm sure love. I want you on top of me. I want you on top of me all the time."
You chuckled at him and whispered a small "Baby, I know." before pushing him to his back and climbing on top of him
• From then on your relationship naturally progressed with you being in control
Not just in the bedroom either
You cooked for him
Even fed him sometimes, that confused him a bit considering he didn't ask but it was nice
You cleaned him of blood and dirt when you showered even though he was perfectly capable of doing it himself
It was truly lovely to have someone that took care of him, and loved him, and protected him
It was definitely freeing, not having to feel the pressure of making decisions
He trusted you to do that for him
He still put his input in because he is Klaus and he demands to be seen and heard
But ultimately you make the decisions and you haven't made a bad one yet
After the adjustment and power switch things were much easier for the both of you
Klaus found he enjoyed doing simple mundane things with you such as washing laundry and folding it
He didn't so much enjoy doing the dishes though but he always did them anyway because he enjoyed the way you'd watch him and laugh lightly to yourself when he frowned at the bubbles and water getting all over his shirt
He especially liked the way you'd come up behind him and wrap your hands around his waist The way you ran your hands under his damp shirt and and rubbed your thumbs lightly across his stomach had his tummy twisting in knots
Then he had a problem because he completely melted and got soft and hard at the same time
He turned around and whimpered at you so you pressed a kiss to his lips and let him cling to you and rut his cock against your thigh while you finished the dishes for him
Klaus has this thing where even when your arms are wrapped as tight as they possibly can be around him when you're cuddling, he has to hold your arms and hands
He has to make sure you're not going to leave him in the middle of the night
If you move a lot in your sleep never fear because Klaus will find a way to still be all wrapped up in your arms by the time you both awake
Klaus can't handle dirty talk...like at all he gets all hot, and red, and he blushes like crazy
When he goes down on you he just gets so excited, he can't help it he loves being between your thighs more than anything you've learned to not make a sound while you orgasm because of how often he begged to be in between your legs
You like to read a lot so you learned how not to make noise so you could focus on your reading, you still haven't found out how to stop the words from blearing together when you orgasm though
Orgasms while reading your favorite book>>>
Orgasms while watching your favorite show>>>
Almost choking on your food because Klaus decides that because you're eating he needs to be eating you<<<
Klaus just gets so excited when he's between your legs he bites not in a bad way though, he just kinda nibbles but sometimes it's a bit too hard
He feels so bad after though, like dips his head down in shame feels bad
Kisses to make him feel better
Klaus goes completely dumb when you go down on him
His brain gets sucked out through his head
You like being inbetween his legs just as much as he likes being in yours
Fighting over who gets to spend the day in between each other's legs
Can't function when you're mad at him
Always apologies first
Cheek kisses for you
Forehead kisses for the lil prince
Seriously they make him so soft
The King of New Orleans is also Mommy's Perfect Little Prince
The praise kink runs deep with this one
Call him a good boy and he's a goner
Tell him how pretty he is believe it or not he's insecure
Tell him you love him all the time or he'll think you don't anymore, seriously
TELL HIM
HOURLY
"Love?
"Yes Klaus"
"Do you love me still?
"Of course Nik"
"Then why must you pay more attention to that book than me"
Crawling in between your legs to lay his head down in your lap
He needs all the attention all the time
Clingiest mf ever
Prefers when you intiate things
Dates in little coffee shops and art galleries
Kissing his tattoos
Sex
All the time
Like seven times a day
Klaus actually having a lot of power in the relationship
You'll do anything for him if he wears those boxers that fit him like a second skin and those jeans that are so fucking deliciously tight
His ass>>>>
You are no better than a man
Dominant as you are it was weird not being in control but you had a feeling of you waited awhile you'd have a pretty little puppy who lives to please
In the end you were right
He's a puppy and he likes it
He mainly likes it because you call him a good boy and because you pet his cock
But that's not important
You're what's important
Always remember you're this man's everything so treat him like he's yours
#klaus mikaelson#klaus mikaelson x reader smut#klaus mikaelson smut#klaus mikaelson x y/n#klaus mikaelson x you#klaus mikealson smut#klaus mikealson x reader#klaus x reader#sub klaus mikaelson#male sub#the mikaelsons#the vampire diaries imagine#the originals#the vampire diaries#the originals imagine#the originals x reader#klaus mikaelson headcanons
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a lyric on your tongue (Astarion x Tav)
Summary: They weren't a fan of pet names so why had they given him one...
READ ON AO3
Astarion mindlessly twirled the curly end of their braid between his fingers as they rested at the side of the lake.
Fighting Ethel had taken more out of the group than expected. Who knew some bloody mushrooms were keeping the damnable hag alive? It'd taken them far too long to realize it until one of the lobbed fireballs finally took out a cluster in one instance. They soon make short work of her and made their way out of the cellar.
As they left the tavern, Gan started heading out of the city, Astarion following behind. The two of them reached the lake and he sat back on the shoreline while they stripped and dove in. Astarion took the time alone to clean up their gear while he waited. They finally began making their way back before the sun was fully set, he met them with a cloth and open arms.
"Thanks Plum," Gan remarked as they briefly snuggled in his arms before drying off.
Their gear back on, the two of them sat down, propping their backs against the small boulder just off the water. He tightened his hold on them as the two of them sat there watching what remained of the sun set over the water.
"I thought you didn't like pet names," he commented, interrupting the quiet as he tapped his fingers lightly on the back of their hand. They waited for him to clarify his sudden remark.
"You started calling me Plum ever since…" Astarion paused, letting the sentence stop. He was unwilling to give things more weight just then. It was pressure neither of them needed. Sure he called them darling or beautiful but he said that to everyone. Well almost everyone, Lae'zel and Minthara were only going to be Lae'zel and Minthara since he valued his pretty little head remaining on his shoulders.
He'd even taken to calling them Darling One because well…that's what they were to him. The one who'd pushed him to face uncomfortable truths and uncover revelations about himself. Astarion had been forced to do a lot of shitty things under Cazador's compulsion. Unattended for the first time in years, he thought he'd have no choice but to do those things with them in order to stay safe and be protected. They'd done their part of his plan as far as he was concerned. Skilled with daggers, dangerous from the shadows, observed far more than they spoke initially, Gan made him feel safe, if not a little uneasy about those skills possibly turning upon him.
He was even able to hold up his part after they knew what he really was that fateful night. It would have been nothing for them to slip a dagger into his heart before the rest of camp had even heard them scuffle. A personal attack vampire, they'd pondered aloud before agreeing to lie back on the mat and let him feed. Astarion should have known though when the instincts wore off and there was no more fantasy to be played; when he'd found a sliver of wanting buried deep beneath the layers of disgust and pain that something was different. Something he hadn't quite wrapped his mind around but he was willing, just like them, to see where the journey took them both.
His thoughts drifted back to the elf snuggled warmly against his side. They'd never uttered a darling or whispered a sweet in his direction. They'd only ever called him his name or Vamp when they were in a playful mood. So he certainly wasn't expecting to hear it when they asked what gear he needed as they perused a trader's stock. And he was sure he was hearing things when they told the barkeeper to get my Plum whatever he wanted. And when it was just the two of them, nestled against that tree just outside camp in Rivington, when they looked up into his eyes and said Plum we'll make sure he pays, he was confused. Astarion would have asked at that moment but before he could his attention was diverted elsewhere. Distracted by the warm hands cradling his cheeks and the softest kiss pressed to his lips. If his heart was still beating, he was sure it would have been racing in his chest.
So as the two of them sat there, huddled on a lake shore together, watching a setting sun, he asked. He asked and he waited for a response. Waited patiently first then impatiently while they sat there quietly, never stirring at his question. He was about to open his mouth, a quip ready on his tongue when he finally heard them speak up.
"Because…"
They hadn't continued just yet and he was ready to just say forget it, he told himself to practice some restraint for once.
"The first time I bit into a red plum…" A satisfied hum coming from them, as if they were reliving the moment right then, they finally carried on. "It became one of my favorite fruits."
Gan continued to look out over the water and left the sentence at that. Astarion shuffled slightly, "....come now don't leave me hanging."
Rolling their eyes as they turned to face him, "Really???"
He grinned and batted his eyelashes, finally conceding as they let out an exasperated sigh.
"Simply put, you've become one of my favorites."
He beamed proudly, sticking his chest out a little. He'd been called many things over the centuries but he'd never been anyone's favorite anything.
"I may need to reconsider my decision making," Gan teased as they grabbed him by the chin and shook his head side to side.
Astarion freed himself from their grasp, pretending to be hurt, "Oh darling one! You wound me!"
Gan playfully elbowed him in the ribs before settling back against his side. He wrapped his arm around them as they watched what remained of the sunset. It was all new. Terrifying and unknown and new. A tadpole in his brain, walking in the sun after over 200 years, figuring out there may be a way to become a living vampire, so many mysteries in so little time.
Astarion wasn't sure how this whole ordeal would turn out but he'd grown sure about one thing. There wasn't anyone else he'd rather face the approaching storm with than them.
#Ilina Gavren#Gan#Astarion#Astarion Ancunin#Astarion X Tav#Astarion romance#BG3#Baldur's Gate 3#BG3 spoilers#Ganarion#otp: hand in despicable hand#razrogue writes#long post#this might have been written when I was fueled by spite earlier today#and feeling a little giddy as I listened to their playlist LOL
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it’s NOT that serious especially when it’s clearly a joke (haha will self saboteur #1 mlvn shipper!) but I kinda hate it when people act like will was “pushing mike back to el when bro was trying his hardest to leave” I fully believe mike was looking for reasons to get out of dodge… but saying that about Will… You mean… encouraging mike to be honest/brave and say what was on his mind? ‘Whatever you didn’t say, you can say it to her then’ ‘[it’s scary to open up] say how you really feel… what if they don’t like the truth?’ Fuck, if this was Lucas coming to Will over Max, Will would be dispensing TOP bro advice: trust yourself. be honest. you got this. Even ‘don’t stop. you’re the heart!’ was not ‘Say you love her!’ Because Will didn’t KNOW Mike couldn’t say he loved her, it was lending under pressure ‘remember who you are! Believe in yourself! Believe you can inspire someone!’ Literally the ONLY time will ‘put words in someone’s mouth’ was El, reassuring mike that El needed him, specifically BECAUSE will went ‘you’re scared of losing her’ and mike NODDED. So he assured ‘El will need you, so don’t let that make you too afraid to talk to her’ not ‘El needs you so in fact stay/don’t change a thing about your actually hunky dory relationship’. If I tell my bro ‘you can be honest with your girl’ and not ‘Seems you should maybe break up’… AITA? why would it ever be his place to call that if mike never asked for that input? And the first doesn’t contradict the other anyway?so wild to act like mike was pulling out the fucking light show stops that he didn’t want to be with his girlfriend, and Will was wilfully dismissing them just because he was overcompensating for conflict of interest feelings. Like I said, Will saying the same to Lucas who loves Max would be being a GREAT bro. Tldr; Will couldn’t have known Mike was seeking a kind of permission to break up, even if he did then he never said anything that didn’t go ‘whatever’s there in your heart I’m rooting for you to be able to say it to her’ which is SO far from ‘shoving mike back towards El when he’s running screaming away’ that it’s NOT funny for me that people paint it that way like Will was guilting mike to stay. ‘Speak from the heart’ only ever got interpreted into ‘I love you’ because Mike knew it’s been what El wanted before = their key to win and save the world with downside of him committing to their relationship. ‘Will made it sound like El loved Mike too much for him to be able to leave’ is a wild interpretation when Mike made his impossible ‘choice’ to stay as to stop several friends from dying and also the apocalypse. Sorry Will couldn’t mind read and conclude Mike secretly wished to dump his long term girlfriend ig
WHICH IS WHY THEY'RE GONNA FIGHT. sorry. which is why they're gonna fight. will has this nasty habit of lying and not saying what's bothering him that ends up making everything worse (whether it's upside down related or personal) and that combined with mike...being very unclear and never even saying that the issue was him not saying i love you...it's not gonna be good
but anyway yeah it's not like mike told him "i wanna break up with el", he just...complained about the relationship and about the fight. will isn't a mind reader. of course lying about the painting wasn't the right thing to do but him just telling him he loves him would also have been a very strange course of action.
mike: i think el doesn't need me :/
will: bummer...you know who does though? me. i'm actually in love with you. surprise!
that wouldn't really work. idk the idea of him telling him he's in love with him while he's complaining about his problems with his girlfriend (which he does in most of their s4 conversations) is just absurd to me. i know literally no one said he should have and people are just like "he could have...not lied" but i'm just saying
and it's not like he KNEW mike wanted to break up and liked him back and made the choice for him by taking himself out of the equation and saying the painting was el's in spirit. that would be a very different situation. but the end result is the same! mike is gonna feel like he did make the choice for him by effectively taking himself out of the equation. which is why they're gonna fight!
#notice how i said will has a 'nasty' 'habit' fighting off the i think will is always 100% in the right allegations one ask at a time#very proud of myself for circling back to my first words#ask
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Right Place, Right Time Ch 2
Ray Harris x Fem!Reader
Chapter three
Word count: 6k
Warnings: Oral (M and F receiving), Fingering, Dark vibes, age gap, (1) use of the word daddy, mentions of fears, ominous undertones, very light bondage, creampie, doggy style, rough sex, pregnancy mentions.
Notes: I wasn't expecting to make a chapter two, so I took some liberties. Please note this is technically an AU, since the movie doesn't show us what happens with Ray afterward. I'm trying something new here. I hope everyone likes it!
x X x X
The ride to Ray’s place was filled with some light fondling and heated kisses at red lights. He simply could not keep himself away from you. Your youth and your beauty, every aspect called to him. It hadn’t taken long to become fully intoxicated off you. His place was only twenty minutes away, but he drove slow with the intent of dragging out the luxurious sensation of your mouth on him. Not since his youth was Ray able to recover so quickly, something about you had him on fire.
Some women were not keen on taking care of men while they drove. Many times, he’d popped the question only to get an offended look afterwards, as though the request itself was completely outlandish. However, Ray didn’t even have to ask you. Twenty feet from the bar with his blinker on, you had leaned over and started opening his belt with a laugh that made his cock hard. He’d jokingly asked you what you were doing and you had said; ‘Eyes on the road, Mister.’ Before Ray had time to open his mouth, you had encompassed his tip between your lips and took off.
Fingers curled into your hair, blunt nails dug against your scalp and burned as he let out a hollow groan. Your mouth swallowed him to his base eagerly, sucking and lapping as though you were starved. In a way, you were. You craved him much like he craved you. Which was why you worked his cock like your life depended on it. Ray reels with the sensations and cannot do much but cant his hips into your warmth.
This wasn’t something you did often.
In fact, you couldn’t recall doing it at all. Something about Ray called to you and stoked a fire in your spirit. There was a pressing urge to impress him and get his approval. You desperately felt the need to make him like you.
Each suck, lick and drag of your lips along his girth pulled a groan out of him. Your head tilted and watched as Ray struggled to keep his focus on the road. It was killing him not to pull over and fuck your throat raw. You felt pressure on your skull, and he pushed you down to bury his dick down your throat. Willingly obliging, you focus on your breathing to try and allow him to sink all the way into your mouth.
“Fuck baby, fuck you’re so fucking perfect.” Each word sounding more breathless than the last.
Taking his praise as a good sign, you rumble and bounce your head along him quickly. The tip of his length brushed down your throat and caused you to gag, which only served to rile the older man further. You could hear him sigh out a ‘yes’ or ‘fuck’ following your gagging. You could taste the salt of his pre cum dribbling across your tongue. His cock was throbbing in your mouth and you knew he was close.
Focusing on the road was becoming too difficult. Every time he tried to ground himself on the lines or the lights, your mouth completely undid him. His chest heaved and he wet his lips, struggling as he bucked down your throat. Ray could feel himself falling apart, chasing that desperate release. He wanted to cum in this young woman’s mouth more than he wanted to breathe.
“S-such a good girl, f-fuck. Fuck -ghn you wanna s-swallow my cum bad, don’t you?”
A tremor rocked you to your core, warmth pooled in your stomach and soaked your heat. It took every ounce of your own strength not to pull him out of your mouth and climb onto his lap. You had one mission now and had to focus – though that did not stop you from sliding your hand under your stomach and up your skirt. Your fingers pushing and rubbing over your dripping panties, which were soiled by the mix of fluids from your earlier rendezvous in the bathroom.
The sound of you whimpering around his fat cock made him give a boyish groan. His stomach knotted, his chest heaved and he stammered out encouraging words. ‘Good girl’, ‘Don’t stop’, ‘Here it comes’, ‘Fuck’. Ray nearly slammed the gas peddle as he rocked his hips up while pulling your head down. You had lost focus and resolve with touching yourself, your mind only concerned about Ray. You were able to feel the throbbing of his massive cock in your mouth as he came.
Hot ropes of cum spilled down your throat, his grasp locking you in place so the only thing you could do was swallow. You wouldn’t dare waste a drop of his seed, not like Ray would allow for that. Your eyes closed as the muscles in your throat bobbed and constricted, drinking down every spurt he gave.
He was impressed.
Ray was swimming, his eyes unfocused and breath shuddering at the wash of relief. “S-shit, shit.” He murmured, having to recover quickly to regain control of the vehicle. Both of you were considerably lucky the roads were quiet this time of evening, he’d drifted across the lines a few times now. Righting the car in the correct lane, he glanced in the rear-view to make sure you weren’t being pulled over.
A hand caressed through your soft tresses, encouraging you to pull off. With a cocky drag of your lips and a noisy ‘pop’, you sat back in your seat and giggled with a flash of teeth. Ray held the wheel in one hand and tucked his dick away with the other.
“God damn kid, you’re something.”
You smile, eyes twinkling at the praise. The next words come easy;
“I’m glad you liked it, daddy.”
A shiver of taboo delight rattled down Harris’ spine. It was a silent nod to your age gap and quite possibly experience difference as well. Ray wasn’t a novice, and he had years, quite possibly decades on you. The idea of being an older man in your life, teaching you and ruining you… it made his cock twitch again.
“You like fucking old men?” He remarked, beryl eyes hazy from orgasm as he stared at the road.
You laughed.
“Only the cute ones.”
Something burned in Ray’s face and his heart throbbed. Women hit on him so often he tended to ignore it. Typically, he saw it as shallow attempts to garner his favor. But you already had his attention, so why bother with compliments now? It implied sincerity, which was strange to him. Why would a girl like you ever bother with him? Still, he knuckled the steering wheel and fought back the urge to smirk at your remark.
“So you live in a place out in the woods, no neighbors, no pets…” Your seat-belt clicked as you got comfortable. “If you were a serial killer I would reckon you’d have gone for a drunk girl, makes it easier to dupe me.” Your finger taps your chin.
That made him look. The sudden statement and nonchalant manner in which you spoke about it was startling. Maybe a different mam would’ve been offended, but not Ray. He had a calm smirk resting on his otherwise neutral face.
“Christ, that’s a little fucking morbid.”
Laughing, Ray felt himself grin and stole a glance at you before he kept going.
“You didn’t need duping. One taste of me had you hooked. I didn’t even have to ask twice to get you in my car.” He smirked as his right hand rested on your knee. “Yes Ray, I’d love to tag along with you!” His voice raised an octave and adopted a mock-feminine tone.
“Well shit! Guess I didn’t think about that. I’m an easy victim then huh?” At the touch, your body warms and legs part for him. His hand felt huge and warm against your yielding flesh.
Ray chuckled again, sliding his palm along your thigh. He could feel the heat radiating from between your legs and wondered just how much of his cum you’d already leaked. He hears you sigh softly as he cups over your pussy, his hand against your covered warmth. The wet spot was practically a puddle now from a combination of your fluids. His cock twitched again with sick pride.
“And now that I have you where I want you, kiddo, I gotta decide what I wanna do with you.”
You mewl as he rubs languidly over your cunt and can’t help but give soft bucks against his hand. Your clit was swollen, aching to feel him again. Sucking him off had you so turned on it nearly hurt, and this playful back and forth stoked your darkest fantasies.
“Hah…” You attempted to laugh but only hot air could escape your mouth. While Ray had made you cum only a short while before, you were rearing and ready for more. There was a building tension in your abdomen that grew and coiled up your vertebrae as his heel struck exactly where you needed it most. While you tried to remain steadfast and resist him, your body betrayed you. Whimpers pushed deep from your diaphragm, nearly choking you as you cant into his smoothing hand.
“What was that, princess?” Ray was feeling cocky now.
His hand pressed expertly over your weeping pussy, pushing harder against your underwear as you messily bucked up against him, chasing the friction. He found the undone, messy sight of you pleasing.
“Where’d all that sass go, hmm?” He flicked on the blinker and turned left onto a dirt path. Up ahead, a dark cabin styled home with only a porch light sat waiting. It was almost textbook; A dark house in the woods. No neighbors to hear when the screaming starts. But you weren’t thinking of that, self preservation was the furthest thought on your mind.
You bite your tongue in a feeble attempt to stop yourself, but you cannot suppress the whimper that rattles your throat. Ray stole a look and chuckled. “Poor thing.” His hand palmed you harder, occasionally dragging up to press two digits against your crease and fondle your poor, neglected clit. Even with underwear in his way, the touch had you mewling for him.
“R-ray-“you gasp, chest heaving as you twitch and rut your hips.
The car rumbled to a stop and you nearly sobbed as his hand withdrew to put the car in park. Ray looked over to take you in; legs spread, dress up your hips and your eyes lidded with a flushed face that looked very fuckable. His tongue pushes against his teeth as he sucks a breath.
“Think you can make it in the house?”
There could not have been a bigger shit-eating grin on his face, charmingly displaying his uneven teeth.
You couldn’t decide if you wanted to slap him or kiss him.
“If you do not make me cum right now you will be the one not making it into the house.” It sounded more threatening in your head, but the desperation had you whimpering each word.
Ray unbuckled himself with a snort and climbed out. The slam of his door made you jerk and start to close your legs. Suddenly you were worried that you may have said the wrong thing and offended the older man. Perhaps-
Your door swung open.
Jumping, you started to apologize as Ray reached over you to unbuckle your belt. “Look if that was- “
His hands grabbed your legs and you were turned sideways in the car seat. Gasping, you can only watch as he slots his upper body between your legs and kisses your navel. Large palms find the back of your knees and you felt air leaving your lungs as he pushes them up towards your chest. You could feel the fabric of your underwear tug to the side. The cold night air against your burning pussy made you whimper. You felt exposed, vulnerable. He had you where he wanted you, and there would be no fighting him off.
“Such a fucking mess.”
His voice was like thunder, you had a hand behind you on the seat to keep you upright as the older man folded you and made his way down to your needy cunt. You couldn’t do much but watch as those azure eyes stole a glance up at you before he kissed the peak of your crease. His cool lips against your heat made you pule pitifully. He was torturing you.
“You like that, Y/N? Such a needy little brat, letting an old fuck like me eat your pussy.”
Ray was in the moment. He didn’t care that he was old, but he did care that he was twice your age and old enough to be a friend of your father’s. It gave him a sense of dominion and authority over you, you belonged to him now and he’d make sure you remembered your place.
Fog clouded your thoughts when he spoke like that. It was a sick but delightful truth; you liked it. Before your mind could catch up with your mouth, you shriek at the feeling of a hot, flat tongue gliding up your folds. You could hear him chuckle into you, the faint vibrations making you twitch and keen. Ray applies more pressure to your legs, your knees now inches away from your chest. Air became tight, heat spread over your face and suddenly the world was spinning.
The man ate you like he was starved.
His lips sucked obscenely loud against your cunt, his tongue fucking into your tight hole before it swept over the swollen bud hidden in your crease. You were helpless, crying out and near sobbing at how relentless Ray touched you. The rubbing earlier had you close and now you feared you were already edging over.
Ray must have sensed it; his lips sucked around your clit and pulled another salacious cry from your throat. Your thighs trembled, your mouth agape as you heaved shallow breaths, attempting to hold on.
Then he stopped.
It felt purely cruel especially with your release being right there.
“Awh, we’re you gonna cum, princess?”
He was mocking you – the smug bastard.
“Y-you f-fucking- “
His tongue pushes your clit so hard and so suddenly the words die on your tongue.
“You wanna cum all over this old man’s mouth?”
You simply could not respond. Hearing him laugh again made you blush, you swore to yourself you’d remember this moment for later.
Ray was satisfied that he’d rendered you wordless. You were putty in his hands, poor thing. There was a deep pride in seeing your young, leaking cunt so desperate and wanting for him, because he and he alone had done this to you. Reveling in the moment, Ray smiled and leaned to kiss the soft flesh of your trembling thigh. Maybe you had learned your lesson; to watch your fucking tone.
Sucking your clit into his lips, he began to push his tongue in rhythmic taps against the hooded bud as a hand left your leg. You mewl and cry out at the prod of his thick fingers. Two digits slip inside of you with little resistance and he groans around you at the hot squeeze of your needy cunt. His fingers felt huge inside of you, stretching you tight opening effortlessly. Fucking them knuckle deep, Ray curled his digits and began to feverishly pump them into you, while maintaining a strong suction around your engorged button.
The stimulation all became too much. Your body was falling apart, a wave of pure bliss washes through you and makes you see white. A wailing cry bursts from deep within you and your hips buck off the seat, hungrily rocking yourself against his mouth and fingers as your walls clamp down around him. Your clit throbs, your body leaks, and his digits withdraw so he could hungrily lap at you through your release. Little lights dance behind your eyelids as your body quivers with its orgasm. Aware now that he was drinking from you, you bring a hand to grip at his head and gasp for air.
“Fucking hell- “You began, then realize he was still sucking your clit. “R-ray! T-too much!”
Ray gave a few more kitten licks before pushing his head and kissing over your mound and up your stomach. The tickle of his facial hair brought you to giggle and squirm, your soft hands grabbing at his face. Lifting your own head, you meet his eyes and the both of you smile at each other. He looked drunk, and since he hadn’t drunk anything at the bar, you knew he was intoxicated off you. Gently, you wipe your fluids off his mouth with the back of your hand, causing Ray to chuckle and press kisses at your skin.
“Ready to meet your fate?” He pulled off of you and took your hand to help sit you up.
“Oh no, please don’t hurt me Mr. Killer, I’m a good girl, I promise.”
You both laugh.
With a shove, you land on your feet outside of the truck and take a moment to fix your underwear and dress. You realize now that your legs were weak and boneless like jelly. Ray must have noticed the wobbly knees because he wore a prideful smirk.
“Not a word.”
“Wouldn’t think of it, princess.”
The house was charming. You weren’t expecting much from a single, older man so as long as there wasn’t BDSM gear on the walls you were fairly pleased. A quick look around told you a lot about Ray; modern, laid back with minimum interest in decorating or hobbies. It was a simple home that you figured he had lived in for some time.
Ray closed the door behind you and took his jacket off before tossing it onto the back of a chair.
“Coffee? Soda?” He brushed your arm as he walked to the kitchen.
The man may have been old enough to have fathered you, but he had an impressively healthy build. Broad shoulders with strong, lightly toned biceps - arms of a hard worker, you thought. His pectorals were prominent and his midsection thick, with some paunch to his stomach that you found irresistible. Now was the first time you noticed his tattoos. A smirk tugs your lips as you approach the island and lean against it.
“Coffee works.”
He was stalling, he’d offer you food if he had anything readily available in the fridge. Ray was aware your eyes were on his back and he made an effort not to turn and look. The man had women over before, but not women like you. It was utterly bizarre to him that you’d give him the time of day – or in your case, night. That still didn’t change the fact his body was no longer young, and he needed time before he’d be able to show you why he really brought you here.
“Cozy place, doesn’t really give me any killer vibes, though.”
Putting the filter in, Ray chuckles as he turns the old device on. Most folks had the new fancy machines that needed pods or whatever to make your coffee, but he liked it the old fashioned way. The smell became stronger as the brewing began. Now that it was started, he turned and leaned back against the counter.
“Wait until you see my basement.”
You laugh again, feeling at ease with him. From a young age you were raised with the cautionary tales that mothers always imparted on their daughters; do not trust strangers, especially men. But you threw that caution to the side the minute you decided to get into that car with Ray, and now he had you here. Both of you pretending got your heart slamming; it was sort of hot. Or perhaps that was a fear response, sexualizing a very real trauma so you didn’t have to be afraid.
Who knows.
“Oh, you’re a basement kind of man? Let me guess, mattress, dirty walls…” You suck your teeth and pretend to think about it. “Freaky mask, anger issues?”
He smirks.
Ray took a step towards you and placed his hands down onto the island top, those cerulean eyes catching yours as he spread his fingers open and leaned his weight into his arms.
“You sound a little excited about that, is there something you wanna tell me, kid?”
Your breath catches as his expression intensifies. His brow settled low, casting his eyes in darkness, emphasizing the bags below them. The hollow shape of his cheeks were enunciated by the angle, while the corner of his mouth tugged to form a lopsided smirk. He likes it too.
Still, your cheeks redden, and you felt coy under Ray’s pointed stare. The tension between you both shattered at the sound of some generic ringtone blaring from his discarded jacket. Your eyes flutter and head turns towards the chair. Ray followed your look, feeling the break between you. Cursing under his breath, he walks towards his jacket and digs out his phone.
‘(4) MISSED CALLS’
“The fuck?”
Unlocking the screen, he makes a face at the sight of the four individual attempts his brother had made to contact him that evening. There were 20 messages in his inbox which he could only assume were from his anxious sibling trying to reach out to him. Ray remembered suddenly that he had promised to tell Raymond once he’d made it home.
Shit.
“Everything okay?” You walked around the island towards the coffee maker, going to pour your own cup while he was preoccupied.
Ray jerks a look in your direction before he typed on his phone. “Yeah, got to make a call. Mugs are in the cabinet to your left; milk n shit is in the fridge.” His words were hasty, as he pressed the phone to his ear and crossed the room to the front door, before he vanished outside.
Alone now, you allow your mind to wander.
What had been that look he gave you?
You open the fridge, finding the milk amongst old Chinese take out boxes and some fruit that looked a little worse for wear. You check the date before pouring some into your coffee. You’re really here, in this man’s home. He’s a stranger, what if-
No.
You refused to allow your thoughts to go down that path.
Ray was forth coming and not some estranged weirdo picking up girls off the highway. No, just taking girls from bars. You frown. I approached him, he asked me if I wanted to go with him, not the other way around and – I said yes. Like an idiot. Putting a cap on the milk and returning it to the fridge, you search for sugar next.
As your mother had taught you, you went through a mental checklist and realized just how screwed you were. No one knew you were there; no one knew you went to that bar. If you didn’t turn up back home, not a single soul would realize until weeks later. You weren’t the most popular woman on Earth, you had a few online friends who might realize you hadn’t been around in a while – otherwise, you were fucked.
Dread was starting to pool in your stomach now, making it difficult to focus on the task at hand. What if? Your lips press together and you realize you’re no longer thirsty. As you dump the coffee down the sink, you strain to listen to the muffled voice coming from outside. You were trying to find anything discernible. Unease made your chest tighten as you abandoned the empty mug and walk towards the front door.
Stop it.
You linger beside the door and listen.
“Why does it matter?”
A pause.
“I don’t have to answer to you, period. You know I’m home and you know I’m sober and alive. That’s all you need. Dad just died, remember? Not lookin’ for another one.”
It was someone who worried about him. He hadn’t mentioned family, in fact you realized now he hadn’t told you a single thing aside from his name and that he was sober – and now that his father had died. This was exactly what your mother warned you about.
You began to attempt to calm yourself by rationalizing. Maybe you were the one wrong, this older man hadn’t given you a single red flag yet and you had already over thought yourself into a mild panic. Ray had given you a choice after you were the one who approached him. There was no danger here, you both simply wanted the same thing; each other.
The door began to open and you lunge to the chair and sit, trying to act like you hadn’t been listening in. Ray steps inside and snaps the door closed so hard it makes you jump. Hearing the lock click into place, you became aware of your pounding heart.
“Was that your secret wife?” You jaunt, trying to lighten the mood.
His head turns to you, and he snorts. “Why? You jealous?”
Your eyes narrow and you can feel the nerves ebbing away as the handsome older man smiles at you. He must have known you were really worried, because he closed the distance between you both and leaned over you.
“It was my brother.”
Ray’s voice is like rumbling thunder deep inside his chest. You feel a familiar heat and graze your lip with your teeth. His mouth found yours, and he stole your breath away. Kissing him back, you flick your tongue against his mouth and he returns the gesture with a lick of his own. The two of you open your mouths, rolling your tongues together and panting in between. It was loud, the sounds of your smacking lips and sharp breaths brought goosebumps to your arms.
He kissed you like he needed you. His mouth hungrily swallowing yours in frantic, desperate movements, hardly giving you any time to breathe. You returned what you could, kissing him feverishly and whimpering into his mouth. All those fears and concerns from earlier felt so silly now. Ray was a good soul; you could feel it.
“You didn’t drink your coffee?”
Eyes fluttering open, you meet Ray’s curious look with your own confused one.
“Huh?”
“I can’t taste it on you.” He smirks, then pecks your lips.
Your cheeks burn pink, and you feel knocked stupid. It never occurred to you that it was strange he asked that, or why he’d check to begin with. You simply laugh and lean to try and kiss him again, which he obliges and presses your mouths together in one long, wet smack.
“Decided I didn’t need it. I have too much energy of my own right now.” Your voice was playful, flirty. There was a blushing girlishness bubbling inside of you. Something about Ray just appealed to you on so many different levels. There was a deep mystery about him, those eyes of his had seen things, maybe his hands had even done unspeakable things. You shiver, feeling yourself grow warm.
“What a waste.” He sighs remorsefully, then presses a kiss to your forehead.
A giggle pulls from your throat and your eyes relax shut. There was a warm, encompassing feeling of being safe here with him. He exuded a type of disarming calm and charm that had you fully entranced. You feel him shift away and your eyes open again, watching as Ray walked back to the kitchen. Quick onto your feet, you follow.
“So, you fuck me in a bathroom and bring me back here to…?” There was an almost desperate need to know. He’d eaten you out in his truck, but the moment you get inside he offers you coffee?
Ray looks down at you and smiles in a way that pulls your heart to a stop.
“To have you all to myself.”
Smiling back at him, you tilt your head and lean against the island.
“Because I’m so irresistible, right?” You both laugh.
“But seriously, why haven’t you taken me into your bedroom?”
Picking up on your disappointment, Ray moved close to you and took your arm. His strong hand clasped near your elbow in a grip that was surprisingly strong. You gasp, then laugh as you realize he’s dragging you down the hall. As you pass by a door near the kitchen, you grin.
That must be the basement, you think with amusement.
“So impatient. Don’t you know old men need time to recover?” His boot connects with the bedroom door and he turns to grab you around the hips, drawing out a surprised squeal from you.
“S-sorry Ray, you’re just so-“
He takes you off your feet.
With an impressive show of strength, you were thrown into the messy bed on your back. Bouncing from impact, you erupt with excited giggles. Ray looked down at you like a predator who finally cornered his prey. His pupils were nearly covering his irises now, the shadows under them making them look nearly black.
“Take your dress off.” One hand moves to open his belt and rip it out of the loops.
The visual of it alone makes your already sopping cunt clench around nothing. Quickly, you shift on the bed and do away with your dress and shoes. Without needing to be asked, you take off your bra and toss it to the floor in a pile, leaving you bare aside from your ruined panties. Ray breathes in, his fingers working to unbutton his pants. You can see now the straining outline of his cock trapped within.
“Roll over.”
Taken aback from the intense demand, you look up at Ray as he steps closer to the bed. A burning heat covers your cheeks and you roll onto your stomach before drawing your knees up and apart to present yourself to him. You can feel his eyes all over you, especially between your legs. Your face pushes into your arms and you give a soft whine, suddenly quite shy.
A hand touches your back and smoothed along your spine to your ass, making you purr. His fingers curl into the waist of your underwear and he tugs them down just enough to expose your dripping heat. Ray uses both thumbs to spread you wide, displaying your tight, needy opening to him. You whimper and squirm under his stare, embarrassed to the core knowing he was looking directly into you.
“Put your hands behind your back.”
Pulled from your shy haze, you shift your body obediently and bring your arms behind you. You weren’t thinking clearly, the haze of lust had you acting compliant and stupid. This new position forced you to lean forward into the mattress and balance on your head and shoulders. You feel something cold wrapping around your wrists and realize quickly that he’s tying your hands together with his belt, rendering you at his mercy.
“Good girl.”
Satisfied with his work, Ray leaned back and admired you. Such a helpless, beautiful girl. So willing to trust a stranger and follow him home. There were things he wanted to do to you that frightened him. Some unopened, tucked away compartment of his mind had come loose during that funeral and the time proceeding. Ray found it difficult to discern what he really felt and what oozed out of that dark place inside of him. But seeing you, tied up and bare for him tugged at the chain of his self restraint.
You squirm and whine, the silence and lack of touching unnerved you. What could he possibly be thinking about?
“Ray?”
Pulled from his thoughts, Ray stepped out of his boots and climbed onto the bed behind you. His pants pooled down his thighs as he grabbed your hip in one hand and his cock in the other. His teeth score his lip as he slid against your heat, striking your clit and making you whimper. You mumble another plea and he nudged the blunt tip of his cock against your opening.
With you so wet, sliding inside took little effort. Your hot walls encompassed him, sucking him relentlessly to draw him further in. You groan, able to feel the burning stretch as he pushed deeper. Then he snapped his hips to yours, stuffing you full so abruptly it made you shriek and jerk forward. This time was different, you both were able to indulge in being loud, messy, sloppy.
Behind you, a low groan escapes his throat. The sound sending a shiver down your spine, making your walls twitch around him. Ray stills, and you whimper. Was he trying to torture you? You feel a hand curl into the belt around your wrists, before he starts fucking you at a punishing pace.
The slap of your bodies is obscene. You cry out unabashedly as Ray thrusts within you almost expertly. The drive of his cock going straight through your gummy walls and against the puckered hole at your end makes you sob and choke. You’re so full of him you can hardly think straight. Ray is focused, using his grip on your binds to help tear you backwards to meet his thrusts. His blue eyes are cast downward, watching as the fat girth of his cock stuffs and stretches you brutally.
“Such a good- grunt -girl. Look at you. Like you were ghh, fuck made for me.”
Your face burns, and you cry out for him. At this rate, you aren’t going to last, and he knows it. Suddenly, you feel his soft stomach on your lower back as he leans over you. A hand comes into your view, Ray was bracing himself against the mattress. The tighter position let you feel him, all of him. Sweat beaded on your skin as Ray rocks within you, his own noises deep and loud. He’s mumbling praises, telling you how good you are.
With a particularly focused thrust, Ray slams inside your cunt with a ferocity that had spots behind your eyes. The world went hot and you were ascending again. A scream chokes out of you, hardly able to fill your lungs from how hard he bore down on you. Your walls clench, tremble and flutter around his cock, squeezing and milking him desperately. Ray could feel you tense, your garbled cry and cum covering his cock nudged him over.
Bucking firmly and growling, Ray lets his weight fall nearly fully onto you. Another groan escaped his lips as he came, spilling his hot seed deep inside your warmth, coating your innards in spurts. You gasp for air, feeling his spill settling deep inside of you. His hips pin you in place, making you feel stuffed to capacity and more.
“R-ray I can’t- “
The weight lifts off you and he moves. Without pulling out, Ray unties your arms and adjusts you both so you’re laying side by side in his arms. Now able to breathe, you close your eyes and smile, leaning back into his grip. Even with his cock softening inside of you, you feel full.
There was more you wanted to say. You wanted to know about a shower, maybe even a ride home. It wasn’t safe to spend the night in a stranger’s house, you knew better. But the amount of sex between the bar and now had you exhausted and spent. No force on Earth could convince you to try and get out of bed. Not with those strong arms around you and that limp cock nestled in your core with his soft panting into your hair.
You don’t worry about a thing at all, and you drift asleep effortlessly against him. Ray watches you fade away, breathing in your scent and petting your stomach – he was thinking about his cum inside you, hoping for his seed to quicken. It was a sick desire, but a child would tie you to him forever. He presses kisses to your hair, his beryl eyes closing as you fell asleep.
So trusting, he thinks, finding himself relaxing further now that you were out.
So naïve.
#ray harris headcannon#ray harris headcanon#ray harris#ray harris x you#ray harris headcannons#ray harris x reader#ray harris headcanons#raymond and ray#ethan hawke fanfic
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Turtle Power! : Part 1
A/N: What if you included even more turtles in the hit tmnt movie, TMNT:Turtles Forever? This isn't an X Reader fic and takes places in the 2012 universe...well, for the start at least.
Tmnt masterlist. Ultimate masterlist. Turtle Power! Masterlist.
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"Donnie, what's happening!" Leo bellowed out, lunging forward to take down a Kraang bot. His blades sliced threw the alien metal with ease before he kicked the slimy brain into next week. Another bot launched at him, luckily the leader in blue was able to duck away in time. Leo grabbed the Kraang's head, kneeing him in the face, "Donnie!" he was becoming irritated.
Donnie's fingers worked magic along the alien keyboard, though most of it was guesswork when it came to this sort of technology. Donnie grounded his teeth together, sweat pooling along the edges of his purple bandana, "Yes, I can hear you, y'know!" he snarled out, clearly under a lot of pressure.
In the next second a bunch of files illuminated the giant monitor, a huge grin appearing on the tech wiz's face, "Aha! Yes, I got it!" he cheered. Though now began the tedious task of going through every file and finding the Kraang's true plan.
"Less talking and more fighting!" Raph growled out, ramming the pointed tip of his sai into the unsuspecting head of a Kraang droid. He tore the head from its body with a vicious war cry, though Mikey just assumed it was a generic yell. Speaking of which, the youngest brother was slinking around the room; jumping from one bot to another.
Though his energy wasn't particularly the same as usual, no, he wasn't so fully invested in the fight as any other day. Mikey landed on the shoulders of a Kraang bot, trying to pilot him around like he was wearing a mech suit, "I still can't believe we're missing Halloween for this." he grumbled, most definitely sour.
Leo sliced the legs of the bot Mikey was riding, watching him wobble before tucking into a forward roll and landing haphazardly onto the floor, "We can celebrate Halloween tomorrow, Mikey." he compromised. The young teen still moped around, crossing his arms along his chest, "It's not the same though, this is the one day of the year where we're not freaks...and we're MISSING it!"
"Mikey, do you really think some dumb holiday is more important than stopping the Kraang?" Raph argued, plucking another head off of his sai; he hated when they got stuck. Mikey didn't even get a chance to open his mouth before a loud and whiney scream interrupted the group. Donnie's body came flying over to them, taking Raph out as punishment for his sins.
The two remaining brothers looked over at them in shock, "Donnie, what happened?" Leo questioned, lightly shaking his brother awake. Donnie waited until his eyes stopped spinning and the room was no longer a pretty shade of yellow, "Ugh, my head feels like an exploding hotdog." he groaned out.
"MMmm, hotdogs..." Mikey's stomach rumbled, "I know Mikey Jr, I know." he sympathised with his belly's cries for food. Raph released a sound halfway between a groan and a growl, but he soon shoved Donnie's body off of him. "Get off of me, Donnie!"
"What happened up there? Were you able to get any intel?" Leo continued to interrogate the poor genius. Donnie shook his head, "I was in the middle of it when-"
"When what?" Leo asked, confused. Donnie's eyes widened, he pointed a finger to the second floor where a huge robot stood, "I bumped into him." Donnie's voice got smaller as he spoke. The group stared with wide eyes and slacked jaws as the huge robot bashed its fists together, menacing pink eyes glaring into their souls.
"He seems...nice?" Mikey whispered out, his head shrinking further and further into his shell. Raph shook his head, gripping his sais a little tighter than before, "I've seen bigger." he smirked. Leo shook his head, "Don't get cocky, Raph. We've never seen the Kraang use something like this before, we don't know what it's capable of."
"Well it doesn't know what I'm capable of either." the red-banded turtle beamed, charging at the giant robot. Leo groaned, "Raph- you can't just- Raph!" he darted off after his sibling, dodging laser fire and swinging fists. Donnie and Mikey shared a similar look before Mikey shrugged his shoulders and joined the fight.
Donnie, however, decided on a different approach. The lanky turtle crept around the moving robotic bodies, avoiding their gaze as he drove to find any available computer. With a little luck, he managed to find one with very few guards, but he soon took those out.
"Now if I can just figure out what the Kraang are up to, maybe I could put a stop to it right now." he mumbled to himself, his tongue sticking out as a sign of full concentration. Donatello continued to tamper and peek into folders and unnamed documents, eventually finding a plan for a portal of some kind.
But in a language he had no way of deciphering here, there wasn't much use for the plans. Growing irritated that all his attempts so far seemed futile, Donnie pounded a fist against the motherboard beneath him. The machine sizzled and sparked, the keys becoming hot on his fingers, scorching the very tip of his skin.
Pulling back with a yelp, Donnie watched as a jet of bright pink light shot from the control panel he was at all the way along the walls and across the ceiling until it pinged against a large metallic structure on the other side of the room.
"Uh oh."
"Do you dudes smell burning?" Mikey questioned, sniffing the air a little more. Raph was holding his own up against the robot, using his sais as a barricade as he pushed away the robot's foot; moments from crushing him.
"Mikey, this is no time to be thinking about pizza!" he huffed out, a little out of breath. Mikey cringed at the thought, his stomach going ten to a dozen, "No, it's not that!" he whined. Leo slashed one of the many casualties from this night, shifting to stand beside Mikey, "Hang on, I think he's onto something."
"Ugh, not you too." Raph cried out, rolling away from the metal fist that just narrowly missed his face. Leo grabbed Raph by the shell as he ran past, jostling the poor teen, "Smell." was all he said. Raph rolled his eyes but reluctantly agreed, "Huh, what do you know? Mikey was right about something."
"I heard that." Mikey pouted. The next thing the brothers knew the burning smell grew and grew until they could physically see smoke coming from a huge metal doorway. With a flickering light, the doorway seemed to explode with colour, turning from pink to purple to the most enchanting shade of green then ending with a sky blue.
Its swirling gaze was hypnotic.
Donnie rushed back to the group, his mind buzzing, "Guys! Guys! You are not going to believe what just happened-" he looked up at the swirling portal, "Nevermind, I see you're all caught up." he gulped. Leo turned to Donnie with a frown, "What did you do?" he sassed.
"Me? You think I somehow did this?" Donnie pointed an accusing finger at himself, more so out of disbelief than acceptance of blame. Leo shrugged his arms, letting his katanas hang in a looser grip, "Well you were the one messing with it."
Alas, Donnie couldn't continue any further for something was causing the portal to ripple. Any remaining Kraang bots that were beside the portal were perched and awaiting with guns held high. Seems as though they too weren't expecting this.
The room went eerily quiet, there weren't any sudden movements, just a short pause; stagnant air. Out of nowhere, a spinning weapon flew out from the portal, its edges jagged and its aura lit in flames. It wrapped around one of the Kraang bots, pulling it back in through the blue waves like a fish on a hook. Its metal fingers clawed at the ground, but it served no purpose in delaying its demise.
The brothers looked on in shock, whatever was on the other side of that portal was potentially dangerous and seemingly struck at random. Leo clenched his fists, alerting the brothers to be on guard while they waited for more to happen.
More sound alerted out from the portal, and with their lack of an advantage point, they wouldn't be able to see anything from the ground floor. There was a lot of whooping and laughing, some sounds of metal against metal and fists being pounded into something hard.
Leo's eyes were white, his lips set into a permanent frown. He nudged his head to the side, slinking across the edges of the room while his brothers followed in a similar route. Once they had obtained higher ground, the group could finally get a grasp on what was happening; this Halloween was getting awfully confusing.
Setting their sights on the fight below, Donnie could make out four figures fighting against the remnants of the Kraang. Their weapons seemed to fizzle and glow with each swing, almost by magic. Donnie shook his head with an amused smile, don't be silly, magic isn't real he chortled to himself.
"Woah, are you dudes seeing this too?" Mikey hummed out, in awe as he watched these mysterious figures fight. Raph wanted to see their faces, wanted to know who he had the pleasure of fighting next, "I'm gonna get a better look." he sounded out before jumping down, though thankfully he remained in the shadows; much to Leo's relief.
It wasn't long after Raph had left until his brothers joined him, as they slowly approached the figures, their voices sounded out.
"Oh ho hooo, looks like we got a whole Kraang-kebab! Do you think it'll taste as disgusting as it looks?"
"Leo-" a voice growled out, "Would you just focus, we need to figure out how this whole situation happened!"
"Do you think it was magic?" a rather innocent voice beamed, their voice wavery and rather dreamlike.
"Considering magic is the clown of science, it's safe to say no, Miguel, not magic." a more robotical and sarcastic voice replied.
"Wait a minute, are they using our names, dudes?" Mikey whispered, Leo shook his head in utter disbelief, "It can't be, maybe we're just hearing things. R-right, Donnie?"
Said genius was rubbing his chin deep in thought, "Well, it has happened once before. Who's to say it can't happen again?" Raph pushed past his brothers, cracking his knuckles and neck, "Well I ain't hiding no longer, I think it's time we give our otherwordly counterparts a warm New York welcome."
Before Leo could stop him, Raph charged out from the shadows and leapt onto the shell of the first turtle he saw. Unfortunately for Raph, this happened to be the biggest and buffest turtle in the room.
"Ugh, Raph-a-doodle, buddy? I think you got a little something on your back." Leon smirked, Raph quirked a brow and turned around to reveal a smaller, angrier turtle on his back. Mikey erupted into hearts, "Oh mi gosh! Another turtle! Can we keep him?" his eyes throbbing with love.
Raph plucked the turtle from his back, holding him at arm's length as to avoid the sais and fists being flung his way.
"Huh, he's a feisty little guy."
"Interesting, a diamondback freshwater turtle..." Donnie hummed, slanted eyes examing the specimen as he rapidly shifted and rustled around in Raph's grip.
"Let go of me, you mutant copycats!" Raphael growled out. Raph flicked his gaze to Donnie, who was still studying the unnamed turtle, "Perhaps we should bring him back to my lab so I can further investigate."
"Let go of our brother." came a stern voice from the dark, three pairs of white eyes were staring back at the group. Slowly emerging, three more turtles were cast in the light, "There's more of them!" Mikey screamed.
Raphael landed a painful kick to Raph's fist, accidentally dropping the turtle as he quickly scurried to join his mysterious brothers. Leonardo raised the bladed tip of his katana to their counterparts, "We don't want any trouble."
"Hmmm, that's gonna be a problem. We've been told we're very troublesome, by like MANY bad guys." Leon smirked, perched against his Odachi. Raph began sweating, he was feeling awfully nervous, was there a certain smell in the air right now?
"You guys are us?" Donatello muttered out, examining each turtle with a sturdy gaze, "And you're all different species? That's new." he whistled. Donnie folded his arms, ever one for dramatics, he scoffed aloud "And you're all the same, rather boring if you ask me."
"Now, er, let's not be mean guys." Raph tried to settle the looming fight between both geniuses. Leonardo shook his head in agreement, "For once a Raph that speaks logic." he joked, earning a rather loud groan from his hot-headed brother.
"Enough joking around, how are they even here!" he barked out, waving his arms at the brightly coloured counterparts. Donatello went into deep thought again, the dull ache of his fingertips giving him a momentary hypothesis.
"Maybe when that Kraang tech burned my fingers, it took some DNA samples. A-and that was sent through the computer and helped power the portal."
"DNA can't power things, it's not a conduit. Perhaps, it simply allowed the portal for a more refined search." Donnie huffed, but he couldn't lie and say this wasn't a stimulating experience for his brain.
Donatello nodded his head, "You're right, this device must have been a teleportation device or had some sort of interdimensional properties. My DNA was essentially a jumping-off point and brought the closest thing it could find that would relate to it."
"If that's the case, Donnie. Then how come it wasn't those other versions of us who were stuck in the 80s?" Leonardo questioned. Donatello shook his head, "I'm not sure, I'd have to run more tests."
"Tests are easy, it's answers that are hard." Raph slumped, Donatello looked up in amazement, "You're so right, that's genius!" the small praise caused Raph to blush a deep crimson.
"This is some great bonding and all, but, uh...what dimension is that one from?" Leon pointed to the large creature in the darker depths of the huge Kraang lab. Its mechanical movements finally brought its face into the light, crushing any object that was in its way, "Aw man, I forgot about that guy." Michelangelo whined out.
Leonardo and his brothers pulled out their weapons, stuck in a defensive stance, "Get out of here while you can, we'll make sure to keep the portal open and- HEY LET GO OF ME!" he screamed out. A large green hand grabbed the brothers, fast legs rushing back to the Kraang portal. Leonardo had a clear view of the giant robot as it got smaller and smaller the further away they got.
Soon everyone had made it through the doorway and landed in a pile on the ground. Leonardo jumped up as fast as he could, running back to the portal before it could close. With an outstretched arm, he ran, his muscles straining, "No, no, no, no, no!" he rushed out. The view of the robot got smaller and smaller until it disappeared just like the portal.
"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" Raphael yelled, dragging his sai under Raph's throat. The other Raph gulped, his adam's apple bobbing onto the sharp object. Everyone was tense, the situation had clearly escalated and there didn't seem like there was a way to bring it back down.
"Hehe, l-listen, erm, me? T-that thing would have crushed us, I-I called for a tactical retreat."
"Tactical retreat? You're starting to sound like Lameonardo, you trying to be a wannabe leader?" Raphael growled. Raph quirked a brow, Leon stepped in to help him, "Actually, he was our leader. Yeah, for like a real long time too."
This new burst of information stunned the other brothers, Raphael was so affected by it that he backed away entirely, looking to Raph with wide eyes.
"Y-you were the leader? Like, an actual leader? Not just a one-day replacement?"
"Ugh...yeah? A-are you not the leader?" he asked back, his shoulders broadening. Michelangelo jumped up from the turtle pile, jumping up and down and pointing to where the portal once stood, "Dudes, what are we gonna do about the Kraang?"
"Mikey's right, that things gonna tear up the entire city." Donatello reasoned, worry flashing behind his eyes. Leonardo stood tall, trying his best to comfort his brothers, "We just have to hope April, Casey and Master Splinter can handle it until we get back."
Leon wrapped a casual arm around Leonardo's shoulders, "Sooooo, since you guys will be staying a little longer...how about a tour?"
#tmnt#tmnt donatello#tmnt Donnie#tmnt donnie x reader#tmnt donatello x reader#tmnt donnie 2012#tmnt raphael#tmnt raph#tmnt raph 2012#tmnt raphael x reader#tmnt raph x reader#tmnt michelangelo#tmnt mikey#tmnt mikey 2012#tmnt mikey x reader#tmnt michelangelo x reader#tmnt leonardo#tmnt leo#tmnt leo 2012#tmnt leonardo x reader#tmnt leo x reader#tmnt turtles forever#turtles forever#TMNT 2012#tmnt 2003#tmnt 2007#tmnt 2k18#tmnt 2014#fanfiction#Fanart
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Can you do one with a public and clothing water breaking birth
I nervously bit my lip, looking out the window of the bus to try and focus on anything but what was happening right now.
That was much easier said than done, and I let out a soft groan, rubbing my belly to try and ease the pain of this latest contraction. My face flushed with embarrassment as I could see a couple heads turning from the corner of my eye, but all I could do was breathe carefully through my nose until the pain subsided.
I just had to make it long enough to get home, I reminded myself, trying not to think about how much farther still I was from home. It would be my luck to pick the bus that had the most convoluted route. Still, I had plenty of time, I reasoned. Sure, the contractions were getting closer and closer together, the dull pain and pressure building up more and more, but that was all so far, it's not like--
"U-uhhhn...!" I barely managed to cover my mouth, only half muffling my startled moan as I felt my leggings and the seat under me soak through as my water broke. Luckily no one was seated right next to me, or they'd probably be soaked as well.
Still, that didn't mean nobody noticed. I could hear hushed whispers, picking up on tones varying from anxious, to disgust, to excitement. What I didn't pick up on, however, was anyone sounding like they might be willing to help me. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, but I kept my mouth shut. I didn't want to create a further spectacle by shouting for the driver to stop, and even if I did, what then? Get out at an unfamiliar stop and give birth on the sidewalk? Just the thought seemed to trigger another contraction, and I gripped the sides of my belly.
I still intended to hold out for as long as I could; even though I'd already thoroughly embarrassed myself by going into active labor on this bus, I wouldn't make it worse by taking my leggings off or trying to check my progress. Of course, it wasn't long until this too went south.
Not checking my progress meant that I had no idea when I became fully dilated, so I let out a choked breath when the urge to push hit me like...well, a bus.
"No, no no no, you have to wait, baby...!" I whispered frantically, but to no avail. Again the urge hit me, and I wasn't able to fight my own body on this. Tears freely streamed down my face as I gave in, a hand firmly pressed over my mouth as I whimpered through the pain and pushed. This whispers around me seemed nonstop now, but I was too preoccupied to even care about that.
It wasn't long before the pressure mounted again, and I only half-succeeded at muffling my guttural moan as I pushed hard, finally rewarded with the hot stretch of my baby crowning. My leggings still being on only added to the pressure as my baby's head strained against them, but I was too far gone to try taking them off now. Instead this spurred me on, and at the next opportunity I put all I had into this push, my breaths hysterical under my hand as I felt the crotch of my leggings swell further out as more of my baby emerged.
At last I had to give up on muffling myself, needing both my hands free so I could hold my thighs apart for this next push. Hardly caring who noticed or heard anymore, my moans increased in pitch as I bore down, begging for it to be over. Finally my efforts were rewarded, and my ruined leggings bagged further out as the rest of my baby slid out of me, another hot gush of fluids following with it.
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What if. . What if Star holder au had a reverse/swap au? How different would it be?
Hello!
I'm honestly not TOO clear on what this means. My best guess is that you mean something similar to Underswap? So I will work under this assumption (feel free to send another ask correcting me, I won't mind)
Heads up, SH spoilers below (up to the most recent update, no farther):
Star Holder would have gone to Moon, not Sun. HOWEVER since this is a swap and not Dad Moon, Sun would be right- Moon wouldn't be a very good dad due to the way he still feels Emily's loss. Likely, he'd constantly draw comparisons and find the Star Holder doesn't hold up.
Because of these shortcomings, the Star Holder would be less of a sheltered lamb and more of a hardened little go-getter. Probably much more skilled in the Star's gifts. Rough n tumble, but not mean.
Since this is a swap, Sun was the less favored child. Instead of Solaris taking out his frustration on Eclipse, he favored Eclipse for having the gift of fire and Sun kinda... didn't get much of daddy's attention >.> This has actually made him a much more focused leader. He's a bit of a micromanager, actually. ^^' He does get to paint in his spare time tho
Eclipse received so much attention and praise and he... hated it actually. There was a lot of pressure on him to succeed and become the next leader of the pantheon- something he thought he wanted. But the role drove a huge wedge between him and his brother and he didn't even realize it until it was far too late :')
This is where Afton comes in- in a desperate bid to find a way to fix things for Sun, Eclipse sneaks into Luna's office to make a deal with Afton (only, he's a bit older than Sun was. And he also knows what he's doing.)
Well, that was a huge mistake wasn't it?
Eclipse steadily becomes just as paranoid as his father and he's pretty terrible. Unwilling to let anyone into his heart. Well. For now :)
Lunar and Pluto will be switching places. <3
Pluto doesn't attack Moon or become imprisoned; instead she simply leaves the pantheon after Eclipse's terrible leadership causes the lead spill that takes away Lunar's family. She's disgusted with his behavior.
Lunar, for his part, is imprisoned after a much more direct confrontation. Pluto, seeing Lunar as a misguided youth, decides to break him out (which takes considerable effort).
Over all, the whole pantheon is lacking in some deeply needed compassion.
Eclipse actually chooses to have the star made because he thinks (thanks to Afton) that the star will grant his wish and turn back the clock so he can do it over better. It makes him a more reckless leader- because he believes he will be able to remedy it all later.
Sun and Moon actually fight with Eclipse to stop him from using the star because they KNOW he's up to something, but don't know what. The attack is a deep betrayal that confirms all of Eclipse's paranoid thoughts and makes him shift from apologetic to heart broken.
A demon is born when a god falls into the depths of despair.
What could be more despairiung than losing your friends and brother in one go? :)
That's right baby- Eclipse is fully possessed by the time SH comes knockin'. And why are they there?
Because he called to them to heal an injured friend, of course.
Who is the friend?
Aurelia. (Do you see where I'm going with this?)
Julian is Sun's friend! Millie is still in the Luna temple, though she and Moon have a much more professional relationship.
I have so many more thoughts about how this COULD play out, but I'd love to hear some of everyone else's. I think the thing I love the most about Star Holder and it's adjacent AUs is getting to hear other people speculate what could be <3
Hope you enjoyed this answer all the same!
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Hi, general TW for physical abuse, mental/emotional abuse, sexual abuse, mental health topics (just to be safe). Apologies for the length.
(i sent this twice in case the first one didn't go through, I know sometimes long asks disappear in the system. If you got two please ignore this one, thank you for understanding)
This is.. going to be odd but I'm the person that sent the ask about learning how to be more like a typical human after being semi-feral? you asked a few questions and I can answer them, and maybe get some advice too on it as well. Sorry if this is disjointed, I'm in a bad head space right now but I haven't seen your inbox open in a while so I wanted to answer you while I could.
You asked me about how I survived. And honestly it was mostly because I didn't have an alternative. For physical abuse, I developed a high pain tolerance and don't much have the ability to cry or react to pain. I genuinely don't understand why people describe certain things as being painful, I can handle punches, cuts, etc without reacting.
For starvation my body has stopped reacting to hunger. I haven't felt hunger in many many years, and even then it was a rare occurrence. While it's most likely that I have stunted physical growth because of malnutrition, I can go days without eating without feeling any negative side effects. This is similar with water as well. I can go over a day or two without water and still be okay, actually most of my childhood I drank some water in the morning and then didn't drink anything until 5pm.
As for everything else, I wasn't really allowed to express emotions growing up after my birth parents. While my birth mother would sometimes beat me just to see me cry because she thought it was funny, in the foster home I spent the most time in any reaction from me that wasn't positive or praise was considered problematic. (more about the foster home later)
I'll also add that one of the things that kept me alive, ironically, was the thought of how easy it was to die. The first time I tried killing myself was when I was 5, where I had trained the dog I was living with to lay on a pillow wherever it was put. I'd then lay down and get the dog to lay on that, effectively suffocating me. The dog left after attacking a different kid (who tried killing it) and I was removed after.
My entire childhood I planned my own suicide in all sorts of ways. I've tried stealing and taking pills, I used to keep cups of bleach by my bedside to trick myself into drinking it, I tried laying on streets so cars would crush me, all the way to more elaborate plans I won't share. I don't remember when I started self harming, however I always was sneaky about it because I was always under what was called "arm check" watch. So it stuck mostly to things I could get away with.
I, though I don't know why, have an unnaturally high tolerance to medication, drugs, anaesthetics, and alcohol. I need 3 to 4 times the regular dose of medication for it to impact me, I've never been put under anaesthetics because they've never been legally able to give me a high enough dose to knock me out, and though I've been pressured to drink by adults when I was younger I've never gotten drunk, not even when I was a teen and drank a whole 6 pack.
This has stopped me from overdosing many times, because I've reached the point where I've taken enough medication to actually overdose but didn't. Perhaps this is due to overactive survival instincts, perhaps it's a bizarre quirk. Perhaps my birth parents used to drug me and I gained an early life tolerance. But in summary, only the idea that if I were to die it would be under my own terms was what kept me alive. That and spite, and a fear of abandoning any current foster siblings or pets that I protected from foster siblings that tried killing/maiming them.
To answer you about alters, I'm not entirely sure if I have fully formed alters or not? While my dissociation isn't as bad as it was when I was younger (I'd zone out to the point where I was completely gone for hours. No matter what anyone did I wouldn't react at all) and I eventually learned how to at least move and somewhat speak when it happens.
I do have like a co-host? There's two of me inside my head, and majority of my communication in life has been us talking to each other. However I think it's important to mention that when I was 6 there was a shift? I'm unsure how to word it but this is the closest way I can put it: when I was 6 the original person of the body died and left us two behind.
We had completely different interests, reactions to things, thoughts and dreams and everything. It's to the point that I was moved to another foster home because I was no longer the kid the previous foster parents wanted. And it felt like we had to re-learn how everything worked all over again, because I only knew how to survive.
Every few years that "rebirth" cycle happens again, and the two co-hosts seem to shut off for a bit and then turn back on, but when they turn back on we loose sense of "us" and have to relearn a bunch of things. And not just small things, but big things like school concepts, social rules, what is and isn't acceptable to speak about, how to properly move our body, all of that. Everything feels brighter and more real for a week or two after before it goes back to being dull.
But after that we're still like a new duo living in the head and living in this body. We may have different interests and do differently in school, and I have no clue why it happens. If it is all alters, maybe we're stuck in a perpetual loop of being born, barely surviving, and dying over and over again. It's the only way I can keep track of periods of my life, on which 3 or 4 year period certain iterations of us control the body.
I guess this sort of internal cycle also adds to me not feeling like a real person, because I often loose all the person-ness I've gained and have to read-build my illusion of humanness all over again. What comes naturally to me isn't what a human should be like, and it's unsafe for me to ever be me, at the very least until I can someday find a place safe enough to live.
My main reason for learning how to speak, even though it physically hurts me to do so for any length of time, was so I could learn how to beg people not to kill me. As soon as I sensed adult disappointment I would crouch on the ground and cover my head and beg the adult not to kill me, which got me moved from another foster home after the school called the foster parents too many times asking why I did that.
Eventually I learned that doing that would make people more likely to kill me, so my general perspective of the world my entire life has been "everyone in the world belongs on a ranking system of how much power they have over another person. Teachers and parents have the most, while kids older than you will always have more power. I have less ranking than everyone else around me, so any hurt done to me will always be acceptable. If someone kills me it's well within their ranking to do so." I still struggle to not have this outlook, as I'm used to being treated as more of a pet or novelty than a person.
I don't know if that answers your questions, but that's the best I can do. If there's any more questions you have I can try answering them whenever I find your inbox open again.
Here's the more about foster care, and what I have some questions about. I've mentioned this to someone once, and they said it sounded similar to human trafficking? though I consider it normal.
In the one foster home I stayed at, the one I stayed at the longest, was one where every child that went there had a "ranking". For some extra context: every child there was a legal orphan, all through having birth parents so bad they couldn't stay with them.
The ranking system was based on how "adoptable" the child was. For instance, if you did well in school, didn't have attention put on you, stayed quiet and followed chores and "requests" at the foster home, and basically did what you were told you'd keep a good ranking. This also included not reacting to any trauma you have, not mentioning previous parents (foster or birth), and basically being a child that raised themself. HOWEVER it didn't matter what happened at home, just keeping up appearances and not bothering the foster parents.
While at that foster home over the years I had over 8 foster siblings, though only 5 of them stayed for longer than a few months. When I was 6 the boy already living there tried, and likely succeeded at some point, raping me. The only reason why he was ever caught (he was left home alone with me to babysit, despite him being no where near capable of doing so.) was because a new girl (around 8) had moved in and caught him in the act. She had just come from a place where she'd witnessed rape and freaked out enough that they eventually moved the boy.
Even though she saved me then and at times acted like an older sister, she also was... not happy with her life. She tried killing me multiple times, usually through drowning (both when we were left alone and her telling babysitters that I could swim and putting me in situations where I'd nearly drown). She also tried attack me with a knife a few times, however all the cabinets and drawers in the house were locked so it was rare for her to get anything too sharp.
She also had been planning to murder our foster parents and blame me for it, however someone reported her for trying to get a teacher to have sex with her when she was 13 and got sent away. There was another boy that lived there around my age a few years later that also tried killing me multiple times, usually through strangulation, pushing me onto the road, trying to hang me a few times, attacking me with a knife, and in other ways. He was rather sneaky and had been 2 weeks away from being officially adopted by the foster parents before he tried threatening someone on the school bus.
He had threatened people before and had never actually attacked someone at school, but the bus driver had gotten mad enough that he was suspended. Our foster parents only called him "devil child" and terminated the adoption process and sent him away, despite him doing that and worse to me for years at home.
I had a few other foster siblings similar to that, two other ones that showed sexual interest in me. One simply harassed me while the other raped me nightly for years before eventually being sent away because 3 foster kids at once was "too financially difficult" (even though the foster parents were paid to care for all of us, covering school supplies, clothes, and more. The only clothes I got were the clothes of older foster siblings, sometimes even stuff from previous foster kids I'd never met that was kept in garbage bags in the attic).
There's a lot more I could add, like how in that foster home I was often put to work in their construction business, and how the foster mother was grooming me to have a "special" relationship with her, and more, but first I want to talk about the foster home.
So the ranking system was used not only to basically tell us foster kids whether we'd be able to still stay there/not get abandoned again. It was also used to consider how "considerate" our removal would be. If you had a poor ranking you'd get insulted and lose certain privileges, and if it got bad enough the foster parents would refer to the kid as "devil child" (regardless of age).
A "considerate" removal was where a foster kid would be told they'd be removed a few weeks or months in advance, a bad removal was being kicked out suddenly with all the things you were allowed to keep in garbage bags.
Part of the "considerate" removal (and what the person said sounded like "human trafficking") was the videos we had to make. We would make videos about us doing homework, our likes, us doing chores, stuff like that. A sort of general introduction to the kid, and why anyone watching would want to foster/adopt that kid. These videos would show off all the best qualities of a kid, be burned onto a special CD with the kid's legal name on it, and then played to groups of potential foster/adoptive parents.
The foster parents and the potentials would meet in a room and watch the disk, and whoever was interested would stay behind and ask the foster parents more questions. Whoever was the kid that was staying at the foster home the longest would go and act as a sort of "fact checker" of sorts, because "children are worse at lying".
That, after a few years, ended up being me. I've been in many meetings with groups of adults I don't know and asked about how good my foster siblings were, and sometimes even asked which potential foster parents I liked the most, which would get taken into consideration on which potential foster/adoptive parents my foster sibling(s) would go to.
I'll admit to being selfish and not wanting them to leave, even if they had hurt me. It hurt more having to lie about where I was, but it hurt more seeing adults I mildly recognized come to the door and take my foster siblings away. I always tried to get my foster siblings controlled in some way to avoid them having to be removed, which often made them more mad at me and more likely to lash out, but we'd all been abandoned and I didn't want them to be abandoned again. But perhaps they were luckier, because they got to move out.
Those foster parents of that foster home has a copy of every CD made for all the foster kids, though there's a few that didn't get time to make CDs before they were kicked out. It was all through our local child protective services, but I wasn't allowed any internet presence and few photos of me which means there is a possibility that I was kidnapped (or "misplaced") in the system.
Those foster parents were also... not great. It turns out that the foster mother had had her own biological children removed from her decades ago, and they couldn't have biological children of their own. They wanted a child to replace the one they couldn't have, and were cycling through children until they found one easy enough to control (i remind you children all with birth parents abusive enough that we were all declared legal orphans).
I ended up being controllable enough, though that was also because my social worker abandoned me and I had no outside contacts and a panic-attack inducing fear of adults. Eventually they adopted me and changed my name to one of the foster mother's birth child's names. They forbade me from learning anything about my past OTHER than whatever terrible things my birth parents did.
Unless I was physically working for the foster father (construction business he mostly ignored me. By the time I was 7 I was tiling bathroom floors, and by the time I was 9 I had helped (without ladders or any safety measures) put roofing on roofs). He ignores my physical ailments and always changes the topic whenever I mention anything that isn't "positive" or school, so we lack much of an emotional bond. However he also has never hurt me physically, touched me in any way, or purposefully made me cry. He does ignore everything the foster mother did.
The foster mother had wanted a "special" relationship, and I don't know what else to describe it. Once I knew enough language to speak and make up stories she was telling me about her own trauma and the trauma of her self-help-group/clients. (The foster parents didn't want a disabled kid so I was forced to do home schooling over the summers to "make up" for "my defective brain". They weren't trained and it got ugly many many times because of my brain damage and general inhumanness. Due to the treatment of my birth parents I have brain damage that no one ever checked up on.)
I was raised on stories of rape, abuse, murder, and trauma. The only TV I was ever allowed to watch was construction-work related stuff (so I could better help in the business) or shows with murder. The birth mother would pit the other foster kids against me because I got the "special privilege" of being allowed into the foster mother's office (the only time we ever would see her, other than watching tv._
This "special privilege" included her removing her shirts so I could give her back massages (starting when I was 7), and her telling me about her clients/friends. It also included her sharing her delusions in a religious sort of way, and training me to "be more human".
No matter what i did I could never fully please her, because no matter what I do I will never be a real human. I was never allowed therapy and was the closest thing to therapy I've had was those "Special meetings" with the foster mother. And there the core lessons for me was the following:
No matter what I do, I will ALWAYS be worth less than everyone because I am fundamentally inhuman.
Everyone else is always telling the truth compared to me, because I'm fundamentally incapable of experiencing reality.
Everyone plans out their life before they live it. That means that I planned out every single thing that ever happened in my life. That means I wanted every bad thing that happened, and there was no one to blame but me.
That it's not actually that hard to hide a body, and if I try talking to outsiders I'll learn that first hand (this was partially why the foster mother had me watch so many murder and murder mystery shows. It was a reminder of how she could point out all the mistakes the murderers made, AKA how easy it would be for her to kill me and get away with it).
My life is a mistake, something that should have never happened, and if I talked to other people I'd only spread my curse them to be like me.
Never talk about what happens at home. Or your life.
When I was 17 the foster parents moved me to another place in the country where the nearest towns were over an hours drive away and the nearest town with police was 2+hours away. And where the age of adulthood was older than 18, all so I couldn't legally leave them (they have made far far too many stalking, kidnapping, maiming and more threats because they "love me too much to let me go"). And in general keep me as isolated as they could, a thing they've done since I was placed in their care.
There's so much more I could talk about, but this is already far far too long, so I have a few question I hope you could answer?
First, I'd appreciate any reaction or thoughts you could share, I find it helps give me an outside perspective from someone who doesn't think all this to be normal (and therefore more comfortable than the alternative).
Second, would the CDs and method of foster children getting new foster/adoptive parents be considered similar to human trafficking? I really don't think it is, but that comment the person made has stuck with me, and I wanted to get someone else's opinion (it's... not something I can just go and ask someone)/
Third, is it normal for parents (foster, adoptive or otherwise) to want you to raise yourself? I basically was feeding myself (making meals, packing lunches, etc) since I was 7 and helped my foster siblings do so too. I helped do everyone's laundry since I was 6 (my foster siblings and I were so small that just for one basket all three of us would have to grab on and drag it upstairs lol) and have continued to do mine and the foster parents's laundry since. I never got homework help, never did outside activities that would require the foster parents taking me places, I spent all my time in a forest (sometimes camping in it for weekends until I was old enough to be taken seriously if I complained about living conditions (around 13?). etc
Fourth, is it weird that I was required to do so much construction work? I've helped with the demolition and construction of many houses since I was 7-ish, ranging from taking down walls to plumbing to electrical wiring, creating walls, tiling, carpeting, roofing, making decks, etc etc etc. For a few years my bedroom was also used as a tool storage area, with tons of saws, knives, and tools all over the place. The foster mother was well aware of my suicidal tendencies and she would tell me to do it, put my in situations where I could do it, shame me for being "like that", and only cared if it ruined the foster parents' combined reputation.
Fifth, is it wrong for me to be upset at the idea that the only reason why I've ever been considered a wanted child (or wanted in general) is because how my trauma manifested as internal reactions rather than acting out (aka making me more controllable)? I should be happy that I had so many chances at having a family, even if I never stopped feeling like an orphan, right? (sorry, I've been thinking about this a lot for a while. I can't help but feel mad at the friend I have and school peers in the past because they never had to struggle at just the chance for family. They take it for granted. It's unfair.)
Last, does this fall into continued emotional and/or psychological abuse? Compared to my birth parents and other foster parents they seemed amazing to me, however from reading about other people's families I realize that my foster/adoptive parents sound equal or even worse (NOT to make it a competition, I mean "worse" in the sense that I didn't know those things were considered abusive, NOT that other people "have it easy". pain is pain, and no one likes being hurt.)
For instance, for a few months the foster mother was in the hospital and the foster father went to work and then went to the hospital, only coming home to sleep and make sure there was food for us to eat. I thought they were both at the hospital. We had no baby sitters, even though the oldest kid was 8 and the youngest was 5. Or the time that the foster mother threatened to break down my bedroom door and beat me because I was sick and didn't want to go out somewhere that gave me migraines. Or the many times the foster mother would keep insulting and berating me until I cried, but if I ever said anything I was "defending the fact that all I want to do in life is to suffer". Or how much the have laughed at me for trying to explain to them that I need psychological or physical help (the hardest I've ever seen them laugh is when I told them I was suicidal as a kid. They made jokes about me killing myself and how for months after). Or not being allowed water, or having food withheld, or how the foster mother's delusions have grown to the point that for years I've been denied not just the idea that I'm human, but the idea that I'm a living individual.
According to her I'm an extension of herself without autonomy or personhood, no one but her exists, everyone in the world is an illusion, and far far more. Constantly having to not just listen to multiple hour long rants and having to repeat/speak about how right she because she'd remove my access to water or food or online school (this was during the pandemic, which for me was 3 years straight of being in a new place knowing no one and left with 100% of my interaction being her or the foster father. Those years of psychological mind tricks (I have no clue how to explain it, brainwashing is the closest thing but I don't want to say that in case I'm wrong) definitely not done me good.
(That's also ignoring what happened at other foster homes I've lived at. There was a foster father that was... too "loving" towards young children, another who would lock me in a closet if I was in his eyesight too long, and a foster mother that had gotten frustrated at me for only meowing and hissing as I was had been beaten so many times I was afraid to try learning how to speak so she threw me outside to live with the dog. She'd clean me up and say I was telling stories if I said anything about it through my limited language skills, basically just wanted the money).
Apologies for how long this is, I completely understand if it takes you a long time to answer, or if you choose not to answer at all. Thank you for what you do for everyone, and thank you for taking time to answer everyone's stuff. I hope you have a good day and a good life.
Thank you for answering all of the questions and explaining to me how you survived. I appreciate all of the time you spent explaining it, and everything you said makes sense to me. This is going to be a long response as well, so I'll put it under 'read more'.
The way you survived is something I wouldn't even think possible, your entire body has adapted to the point where all of your senses have turned off, almost permanently, in order for life to still be possible. It is scary to know that this can even happen, and I hope dearly that this doesn't mess up your health (and I want to say, quality of life, but, uh.) I am sorry the lack of nutrition stumped your physical growth.
While your endurance over pain, hunger, and resistance to medicine might seem impressive, it is a sign of how harsh and dangerous your environment was, and how far you had to adapt in order to survive. It's understandable that it's very hard for you to relate to other people, when you're adapted for much different circumstances of life.
It's also incredible you managed to survive at all, and it makes sense you were always look for a way out, it would not have been possible to survive what you did, without hoping that you could end it. It is devastating what you felt compelled to do, but I'm going to try and stay collected to answer this, because I don't feel like you're looking for a display of emotions.
What you describe as co-hosts in your head, that definitely sounds like alters, but I've never heard of a case like yours, where they're shutting off, dying, and then regenerating and re-learning everything, in order to survive. Again, it makes sense with your living circumstances, that it has to be like that, anyone would burn out and shut off in any way possible, and you have to go thru that cylce in order to keep being alive. Still, I'm very sorry that you have to suffer thru this, and struggle to keep any personality you develop. It sounds like your personality forming was shattered into pieces, and it might take a long time to start recovering it, if it's even possible (I'm not smart about this, I really can't say.)
It would make sense that it stops you from feeling like a person though. I doubt there's a lot of people you can relate to, or even talk about this.
I said I would stay collected writing this, but when I read that you learned to speak only to beg people not to kill you, that felt like a physical blow. I had to close my laptop and take a few minutes. That proves unimaginable cruelty and life danger from humans that you had to endure, and your instincts had to over-write everything, even pain, in order to give you a slight chance of survival, and I know that this type of danger erases everything, your personality and sense of self, until there's nothing but pure survival instinct and it takes over.
People who called the foster parents asking why you did that, likely also understood what kind of cruelty trauma this implied.
The ranking system you described, it makes sense. It's not supposed to be like this. In a humane world, we do not have a ranking system, we are, in theory, supposed to all be equal, and none of us is supposed to do harm to another, thats the theory that society's foundations are set on. There are laws protecting it, or at least in theory, there are laws protecting people from the greatest harm. However, what you experienced from society was not like that. A lot of society is not like that. There are people who are intent on building a hierarchy everywhere, and they do feel entitled to do harm to anyone they set on a lower level. It happens in systems of corporations, education, economy, government, family, any system where there are people with authority over other people. And you have experienced the absolute worst of the worst of it. So you had to pick up their rules, the rules of those who need this hierarchy in order to get away with hurting others, who feel entitled to it and constantly need victims. Me and most other people are disgusted by it, and a lot of people want to believe that people in authority would not abuse the authority to cause harm, but by vast majority, they do.
The reason why this hierarchy is so prevalent among children, is that children are always the most vulnerable demographic, being small, defenseless, and in complete power and dependency of others. So they are the ones who get hurt first from the hierarchy system, who are most likely to fall victims – and not only that, but children will mimic whatever behaviour is presented to them, so they will mimic the hierarchy as well, and continue building it among themselves. This also means that the bigger, more aggressive and opportunistic children, will abuse smaller, more scared, more vulnerable, and more sensitive non-violent children. It is not how things are supposed to work, all children are supposed to be protected and safe from abuse. But you have lived the reality of it, and you know how the system works. Anyone who wants to do harm, will pick someone who can't fight back, and who will not be believed, and they can do to this individual whatever they want to, leaving this person with trauma to recover for ages. This isn't right, it's not humane, normal, or compatible with human life, it's an evil hierarchy that not all humans subscribe to. But it is, in the systems that people with power abuse, extremely common. And utterly devastating to live thru, as someone with no power over anyone else.
And I know that the rule 'anyone who kills you is well within their ranking to do so' feels incredibly true (I've felt this in my family as well), but it is not. Nobody's ranking gives them an authority to end your life, or to take it from you. Nothing can grant people the right to do this. What they're doing is getting away with it, when they shouldn't, and they have no right. This is people acting out of their right, out of what is normal, allowed, or humane. I know it doesn't sound real when so, so many people have done this to you, have tried to kill you, and acted like it was the most normal thing imaginable. But all of this was wrong. I'm sorry if what I'm writing right now is painful, I'm not sure how much I can say without making it worse – if something I said feels bad, feel free to disregard it completely.
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I think the ranking you describe in your foster care is built in an inhumane way. Rewarding children for being extremely convenient, hiding trauma, hiding emotions, obeying and doing work, and punishing them for any actual normal child behaviour, like being openly traumatized, in pain, defiant, acting out, that's not done in child's benefit. Children deserve better than to be suppressed and play pretense in hopes that someone will some day find them worthy of love. It also invites foster parents who only care about 'keeping appearances' and nothing else to benefit from this system. I want to believe there are foster parents who'd want to help a child recover and live a happy life, and not just to have a convenient person who obeys them in the house.
I am so sorry about the amount of sexual violence, murder attempts, and abuse you had suffered in your foster home. I can see you're writing about it as if it's nothing, so I can assume this was very normal and common for you, and not something devastating and life-damaging (you've been thru worse at that point, so it's no surprise that this doesn't come to you as a huge deal). I'm glad you noticed that it is incredibly hypocritical of the foster parents to send that boy away for threatening someone at the bus, when he'd been doing way worse to you for ages – it had only mattered to the parents when someone else was involved, while you were treated as if your experience didn't matter, and he was again, allowed to do anything. This is wrong, and he should have been sent away for hurting you right away.
I can also kind-of, understand that you bonded strongly with your foster siblings, even if they were hurting you or trying to kill you. Your sense of bonding at this point is so strong, because your survival within the community depends on you having someone on your side, at least a little, at least sometimes. And murder attempts are so common for you, it doesn't seem like a deal breaker, what you needed was someone to make life a little more livable, and despite all the harm, your foster siblings still were that for you. So you didn't want them to go away. That is human and normal. We humans will pick abuse and harm over being completely neglected, alone and isolated. I think your reaction was completely understandable.
It is terrifying to find out that foster homes have removals of kids in such brutal and punishing manner. This is cruelty to children, and I didn't know how horrid the reality of it was. I am so sorry that you were forced to live in such a place.
About the human trafficking claim, the thing is that the ranking system they had for you, and the videos, do sound extremely oppressive and messed up, almost like they were training you to be obedient and then creating a catalogue for potential 'owners' to watch. It doesn't sound like something loving parents would want to do when picking out a kid, they'd want to spend time with the kid, get to know them personally, not hear about 'qualities' and watch a video that proves obedience. Coupled with the fact that after you were adopted, you were forced to work from the age of 7, and construction work as well, makes it sounds extremely like human trafficking to me. I mean, it's not a 100%, because I assume even in these circumstances, it's possible for a kid to get adopted without necessarily being put to work for no wage (which is human trafficking, being put in a position where you're forced to work to survive, often in bad conditions and without money, or benefits, you only get your life), but the situation they set up sounds like it was made specifically to attract traffickers – in this case, people who wanted a child laborer, with a promise that the kid would be extremely well behaved, obedient, and would do any work required of them. While for complete diagnosis of human trafficking, the foster home would have to take money from the parents in order to take the kids – and I don't know if this is the case or not, I'm not knowledgeable about how foster systems work, it's possible that the money exchange is secretly taking place, or that the person who set it up this way did it on purpose, and is financially benefitting from kids being given to those who are most likely to use them for free child labour. So what I think is that it definitely does cause human trafficking. It created the perfect setup for it and it attracts people who can pick out who they want for free labour. If anyone reading this knows more about it, or could give a better analysis of this, please do. It does look like trafficking to me. Not even necessarily because of the CD's, more because of the obedience training and hierarchy, but the CD's sound so cold and alarming and not like something genuine adoptive parents would want to experience.
It's alarming to know that your foster parents changed your name, modifying your entire identity, and forbade you from learning a lot about your past. It sounds like they were set on controlling who you are allowed to be, and who they are in the story (it's probable they were trying to build a story of saving you, from your horrible birth parents, they would surely look good in comparison no matter what they did, given how extremely you were abused in the past.)
The fact that you worked construction, without any safety measures, without protection or any regulations or rewards, proves that this labour was extracted from you in return for your life, which is trafficking. Even your physical illnesses and pains were ignored. This is something that would be brutal even to an adult to endure, and is generally considered a cruel and unsurvivable thing to go thru. I can tell that after your past, a person who doesn't physically hurt you or make you cry is a big improvement and gave you a sense of physical safety, even if you were required to constantly offer labour in return for life, at least it wasn't pain, damage, life threats and murder attempts, so it makes perfect sense that this just felt, a little off! It's extremely common for victims of abuse, to continue going thru life while suffering some lesser amounts of abuse and thinking it was nothing, or it's no big deal, because we're so used to horrid treatment, anything better than the worst seems like a walk in the park, and we're just grateful that things aren't worse for us. So your reaction to it is completely logical. It's only in the context of looking at it from the eyes of a not-abused person, that it looks pretty horrifying, having to work construction as a child, with a person who fails to have any bond with you, while having effectively no caretakers, nobody to emotionally rely on, all while just being grateful things aren't worse.
Your foster mother was parentifying you, meaning she wanted you to take care of her, instead of it being the reverse. It's disturbing that they called your brain 'defective', because it's anything but that, your brain is one of the most brilliant masters of survival, you should be given a lot of credit for going thru all of what you did, and ending up this intelligent, coherent, communicative, clear and understanding. I understand you had to become this way out of necessity and because you had no other choice, but I believe you should still be given credit that you did all that, despite how little you had to work with.
It's also disturbing they only allowed you to watch construction and murder, it's like they wanted your entire world to be reduced to working, and knowing that you can be killed at any minute, it's almost like a threat and a blackmail in order to keep you obedient and working at all times – not that they needed to, you were already in so much terror it was unlikely you would disobey.
The 'special privilege' your mother was claiming to give you was really just parentification, possibly emotional incest (asking massages and expecting you to emotionally cater to her needs). It's very likely that she could be narcissistic. The core lessons she taught you were so dehumanizing and put you in a position where you could only have worth as much as you can be of use to her – which is how narcissist view others. This is not normal or common. You were human the entire time, more human than she was.
You are more than capable of experiencing and effectively describing reality, the way you described it here to me is both eloquent and easy to understand, regardless of how horrifying and dark your reality is. You are good at expressing what happened, and at analyzing it as well. So why would she set rules that would blame you for everything bad that ever happened to you, when you had absolutely no control over it? In order to be able to do more bad things to you, and never be held accountable. She also wanted to keep you silent from ever telling on her (if you talk to others you'll spread the curse) and if you are inconvenient or troublesome we can kill you (it's not hard to hide a body). I feel like you already understand that all of the rules are only self-serving for her, and made so that again, she'd have so much power over you, she could get away with anything.
But in reality, all of those core values are bullshit, and only a cruel, inhumane and evil person could ever impose that on a child (or any other person, really).
I know it can feel devastating that even after all that abuse, you ended up in another threatening, dangerous and exploitative situation, but again, this is pretty common for victims of heavy abuse, that we often find ourselves in some other version of abuse, and usually we go bit by bit until we reach a healthier stage. You can move on from this and find a better environment that will value your humanity in a real way. You were never anything other than human, but you were put in a lot of situations that made it hard for you to feel that, or rather, too painful to feel it. It's easier on the heart to believe you do deserve all this, and that you are to blame, rather than to think that you were a helpless, blameless kid subjected to cruelty for no other reason than someone wanted it, and could get away with it.
To answer your questions:
Even though your life is so dark, I find myself relating to the parts of the story, which scares me, but also gives me hope that you can find a way to freedom, even with a situation this dire. I can tell that you're calm and collected thru it all, which I admire, but it also makes me think you are completely numb and dissociated from the pain you're experiencing, so that you could talk coherently and calmly. However, you're asking for an outside perspective of someone who doesn't think it's all normal – while I don't think it's normal at all, I might not be the best outside perspective, since I'm also viewing it from the lens of abuse. I think true outside perspective would be to be completely and utterly horrified, shocked, devastated and shaken by everything you've been thru, which I do feel as well, but I'm not going to be of much help if I give in to feelings.
The CD's themselves, I don't think are a proof of trafficking, though they are weird, cold, and combined with everything else, do play a part in enabling the trafficking. It is good to ask questions, there are people who know and understand far more about human trafficking, and you should keep asking, and pointing out what feels off to you. You did end up in a situation where two people with absolutely no desire to care for a child, have gotten a child who was sure to obey their orders, work for them for free, take care of one of them emotionally, and endure dehumanizing and threatening environment. This is a form of trafficking – and I should say, trafficking doesn't always feel like you're trafficked. It feels like 'this is just what life is and I should be grateful that it's not worse, because I know worse, I could be dying on the street right now, but if I do this I'll be allowed to live'. And I believe that you are in this situation, and it's not your fault, and there's not much you can do about it immediately.
I don't think its normal for any kind of parents to expect you to raise yourself. That is just severe neglect and parentification (expecting the child to act the role of a parent or a caretaker). You should have had meals and clothes provided to you, you should have had actual care and gentleness and opportunity to talk about what happened to you and what is bothering you. And you should have never been give to people who would mess you up even further, do damage to your brain, threaten you or try to convince you that you're not human. You should have gotten help with homework and everything else. You shouldn't have been put in a situation where you're responsible for the care of very young children when you were 6. You should have been taken places and given happy experiences. You should have been given good living conditions and peace of mind. You should have been told that you're a good child, that you're doing well, and that everyone wants you around and is proud of you.
I'm curious about the forest, because I love the forest, does it feel safe for you to be in the nature? I want to be in the forest forever.
4. And your fourth question about the construction work – no, thats trafficking. Your room should not have been used as a storage either. You were used as a free worker and a servant, and not treated as a child there to be cared for and healed from sever trauma. Also your foster mother pushing you to suicide, thats hateful and gross. It should have never happened.
5. It's not wrong for you to be upset. You were wanted as a free worker because they realized it would be easy to threaten you into obedience, and that you're way too scared of adults to ever disobey, or complain about anything. Your trauma put you in a situation where you would once again, be exploited. It's also normal for you to still feel like an orphan, since none of your parents did any caretaking, or took the role of actually parenting you at any point, they did not build a bond with you, they only kept using you, and you had no idea of knowing that this wasn't normal, or that it was neglect and abuse. It's normal to be mad at other people who take their families for granted, when it's something you sacrificed everything for. It really is not fair.
6. You did well to figure out that your foster parenting experience is not normal, that could not have been easy. Compared to your birth parents, I believe, anyone would seem amazing. Just less violence and less murder threats is amazing compared to constant attempts and constant violence. The only way you could have judged them is by comparison, and your birth parents were off the charts, most cruel and vicious beings imaginable. And I appreciate you pointing out that you're not making a competition out of it, it's true, we're not making a competition, but we can say one type of abuse is more life threatening than the other, and that different abuse brings out different kinds of feelings and consequences, and that some types of sever abuse, make other types seem invisible, harmless, no big deal, or even amazing.
What you describe about your mother saying 'all you want to do in life is suffer' and laughing at you for needing psychological and physical help, even when you're suicidal, is once again, hateful and cruel behaviour, and nobody should have done this to you. Accusing you of 'wanting your suffering' is insane. Laughing at a suicidal kid is inhumane. That is not funny, to normal humans it's devastating.
Your mother treating you as an extension of herself sounds a lot like she's trying to achieve enmeshment and engulfed relationship, like what narcissistic mothers do, because she wants you to be bonded to her, but in a way that you care for her, while she doesn't care for you. This isn't fair, and it's not normal. You are not an extension of anyone, you are yourself, and you have the right to do things that benefit you, and only you, and it does not make you selfish. You also have the right to refuse the things that hurt you, and everyone should respect that. Removing access from food, water or online school, is violation of your human rights, and not a punishment that is normal, or legal to use. I am so sorry you were alone with them and brainwashed for so long. I feel that you are so incredibly intelligent that you will see thru it, and I'm sure you're right to say it. Being isolated with people who see nothing human in you, would brainwash anyone.
Again, I am so sorry for what everyone have put you thru, they had no right. The other events you're describing are also horrifying and sound too painful to bear. You were treated worse than people treat animals, and they could have not do any of this to you, and they would have been just fine. It was their choices to do this.
Thank you for reaching out and for answering my questions, I knew it was selfish of me to ask, but I'm glad you got back to me and responded. I hope my answer helps you a bit, and you can keep talking to me if you want to. I'll try to open my inbox sooner this time.
#tw extreme abuse#tw murder attempts#tw csa#tw child rape#tw cocsa#tw suicide attempts#tw physical abuse#recovering from extreme abuse#parentification#human trafficking#enmeshment#abusive foster parents#foster system abuse#system of ranking who gets to abuse who#hierarchy of abuse#victim blaming#dehumanization#brainwashing#victim silencing#dissociative disorder#cptsd#trauma
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every once in a while my feed recommends thinkpieces on the Matrix films written by authors who miss the point of said films, so I guess it's time for yet another thrilling round of "watch the films"
Did. Did you see the part where Neo wakes up in his bed thinking the interrogation was just a dream. Because. Agents wiping people's memories is an established plot point.
Also, the Architect implies in Reloaded that most people plugged into the Matrix are aware deep down that they live in an artificial reality, but they agree to live in it at that near-subconscious level because they've been given the choice to accept or reject it. He says this was the most elegant solution the Oracle created to address the problem of people rejecting the dream world en masse. As long as people are made to believe they have a choice, even the illusion of choice will suffice. It paints a rather depressing portrait of humanity and its complacency, tbh.
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No kidding.
The animated short detailing the history of the machines portrays scorching the sky as mankind's last-ditch effort to gain an advantage following a gruesome war. It wasn't something they approached lightly. Never mind the fact that mankind isn't exactly known for its long-term thinking and well-considered rationale in the face of terror (neither are the machines, for that matter; nuance whomst?). Morpheus furthermore claims that they don't know who struck first, machines or humans, but they do know humans "scorched the sky."
The original script specified the machines used human minds to boost the Matrix's processing power, but because that was a concept that would have flown over the audience's heads in the nineties, they changed it to "the machines harvest humans for energy."
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To be fair, the sequels do take Morpheus somewhat to task for his dogma. His faith gets noticeably shaken by the events of Reloaded and Revolutions. Not everyone believes what he believes, but his beliefs do not require them to.
I won't argue that Morpheus is particularly righteous or even accurate most of the time, but I do think the notion that "anyone that hasn't been unplugged can turn into an Agent and kill you at any time" ought to be taken into account. Is it a little extreme that he calls every unplugged human "our enemy"? Yes. But… he kind of has good reason to, tbh. Agents can't exactly be reasoned with. The crew were fully prepared to pop a cap in Neo's ass "for [their] protection," as Trinity says, despite Morpheus' conviction that he was the man they were looking for.
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Eh. Neo's muscle atrophy appears later, though I'm willing to suspend my disbelief for the sake of having a hard-hitting scene.
Watch less CinemaSins, it's good for you. ironically enough, The Matrix is the narrator's favorite movie. lol and lmao
"Furthermore, there's an unresolved issue of why the spider-like machine simply doesn't kill him (and every other revived human) as they wake up."
Because you can't kill something you think is a corpse.
The maintenance machine removed Neo's cables because it registered him as dead… as a result of Neo taking the red pill. Morpheus says taking the red pill disrupts a person's input/output signals, meaning the connection between one's RSI and body has been severed, something that only happens if a podbound human dies. The signal disruption allows the rebels to pinpoint Neo's exact location in the real world.
While you could argue this technique potentially harbors its fair share of flaws - one can only assume human batteries die every so often, so how would they be able to pick Neo out from the unattended dead? - asking why the machine didn't kill him tells me you weren't exactly paying attention.
Things get a little more complicated in Reloaded when the Architect implies that the machines do willingly let a small portion of humans go as a sort of pressure valve to prevent the Matrix from collapsing under its own critical mass.
Even then, the first film provides a coherent enough explanation that we don't need Reloaded's. You're assuming the machine believes Neo is alive when clearly it doesn't. It sees him struggle, yes, but because the red pill makes Neo emit the machine equivalent of an ant's death pheromones, the bot goes "welp, another one bit the dust" and proceeds to flush the "corpse" down the drain.
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People always act like this is some fresh new take.
Well. That's kinda the whole point of his betrayal. To make you wonder what you would do in his situation. It's all well and good to speculate on what-ifs from the comfort of the fourth wall, but the film frames an otherwise abstract moral quandary in very clear terms. Is a life of hedonistic bliss better than one where you are painfully aware of the artifice of reality and constantly fighting for your life? It's not an accident---you're meant to ponder the question.
The Matrix franchise approaches the concept of freedom from a nihilistic lens. Nihilism often gets strawmanned in movies (Smith's own views function as a mouthpiece for such edgelord flanderizations) as a defeatist attitude of "Nothing matters, so why bother living?"
Rather, a more accurate portrayal of nihilism contends that, because nothing has intrinsic meaning, you are free to create your own meaning. That it is dangerous to chase meaning as defined by premade structures like religion or philosophy, because these will dictate your thinking and keep you under another's control. In so doing, you surrender your freedom to truly discover for yourself what it is that makes life worth living to you. And indeed, Neo transcends Morpheus' and the Oracle's understandings of the Matrix and what it means to be The One in order to walk his own path.
The films ask you, "If freedom felt more like prison, would it still be worth striving for? What is the value of a freedom where you stand to lose more than you gain? Does freedom have inherent value, or is it hailed because of what it represents as yet another variable within these multi-tiered systems of control?"
Tbf, Cypher's resentment towards Morpheus was more understandable in earlier drafts of the script, where it's stated that Cypher was freed from an extremely young age and Morpheus had actually wound up killing five previous candidates he'd assumed to be The One. Some speculate that Cypher is jealous of Neo on the basis of having been a previous candidate, but I don't exactly think that's strictly necessary to understand his desire for a mindlessly hedonistic lifestyle.
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Okay, I'll give you that one. Never really was sure how Cypher managed to catch the Agents' attention without getting shot on sight. Perhaps Smith recognized an offer he couldn't refuse, and, both characters being opportunists, he and Cypher leaped at the chance to strike a bargain.
It may also have something to do with Smith's ability to at least somewhat mimic human mannerisms on occasion. Agent Brown and Agent Jones are about as personable as cardboard, so it's my pet theory that Smith was designated to be the "human whisperer" of the trio. Hence why Cypher conducts his negotiations with Smith at a restaurant while the other two stand guard.
The scene where Neo sneaks up on Cypher implies Cypher had been doing some hacking in order to prepare for his meeting with Smith. He turns the screens off immediately afterwards.
Moreover, Enter the Matrix implies people are able to plug into simulations without help from others. I would assume Cypher used the same kind of equipment to plug himself into the Matrix.
During Morpheus' torture, the Agents manage to figure out that Cypher has been killed, thus implying that they were counting on disposing of him all along. Because Smith orders the others to continue as planned, it's kind of obvious they never really intended on giving Cypher what he wanted.
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Petition to drop the phrase "hasn't aged well" from our collective lexicon. At best, it's a semantically null phrase. At worst, it's being deliberately obtuse towards media history as well as the creative process, a way for audiences to feel superior based on the fallacy of modernity. There have been tons of documentaries on the making of the first film, some of which are included as extras on the original DVD. I recommend you watch a few before you say stuff like this.
Admittedly, this one pisses me off a little because A.) yet again the "hasn't aged well" sentiment inevitably loops back around to overlooking the context and history in which the piece was made, and B.) fuck you, the crew worked incredibly hard on this shit.
"The most egregious offenders are scenes like the helicopter crash, where the building's windows warp unrealistically." - You can excuse people flying twenty feet through the air and dodging bullets, but draw the line at (flips through notes) glass exploding in a circle?
Imagine saying this about The Matrix of all films. The one movie that can handwave unrealistic elements through its premise alone. The film where the entire point is that unrealistic things are happening because you are not watching reality.
and then Neo was like "whoa.exe"
Secondly, the Wachowski sisters spent several months studying how glass explodes in order to achieve the ripple effect seen in the film. While CG was used to enhance the scene, the underlying framework rests on a foundation of practical effects. They made dummy rigs and ran through tons of tests to find the precise kind of glass that could accomplish what they envisioned.
The special effects director was pretty hard on himself during a watchthrough with Carrie-Anne Moss, actually. He thought some of the digital effects looked horrible, specifically Agent possessions, and said they could have done better. People saying stuff like this just makes me feel worse for him in retrospect.
Bullet-time looks unimpressive to you now because it's been parodied to death over the past twenty-five years. I fail to see how this is the film's fault.
Subjective perspective changes trying to pass themselves off as objective critique without taking any of a media's history or creative process into account are a part of the reason why I think "hasn't aged well" is a thought-terminating cliche and ultimately useless in discussions of this ilk. It doesn't effectively communicate anything of meaning. You might as well say "this film features moving pictures" or "this video game has controls" for all the information you're imparting.
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I will concede that Resurrections was a glaringly obvious cash grab and a huge waste of potential. The first half of the film nearly rivals the the first act of M1 in terms of its psychological intrigue, building a slowburn of anticipation… Only to completely shit the bed, devolving into a cynical montage of fanservice and half-baked ideas that amount to nothing more than a shrug. I'm not a Neo/Trinity fan in the slightest, so the "hook" they hoped would reel me in didn't work on me.
However, I think there is more substance to Reloaded and Revolutions than people commonly give them credit for. Perhaps not as entertaining stories, but certainly there's a lot of cud to chew on in terms of the philosophical elements they offer. And this is coming from someone who thinks Reloaded is easily the most boring film of the quadrilogy narrative-wise. The sequels build coherently upon concepts established in the original, if you pay attention.
Reloaded's "We cannot see past the choices we don't understand" is a natural extension of the first film's mantra, "Know thyself." The inability or unwillingness to "know thyself" proves Smith's undoing in Revolutions, since during his "me, me, me" phase he does not do any of the self-actualization or self-reflection that Neo undertakes on his path to achieving peace.
Smith's fatal flaw is his self-myopia. He purports to know how the world works, but he remains blind to himself. And it is because he does not understand himself that he cannot understand others, and thus cannot see his own destruction beyond the brief moment of victory he glimpses with the Oracle's vision.
Smith is painfully aware of every single thing except his own inner workings, and that creates in him a void that can never be sated. His myopia explains why he cannot conceive of why Neo fights out of choice. He cannot understand any choice because he does not understand the value of free will.
The inability to see how his character evolves throughout the "forgettable" sequels is what led to galaxy brains on Reddit concluding "Smith is actually The One huehuehuehue" based on the flimsiest of evidence (and a lot of pulling shit from the deepest sanctums of anus, since, let's be real, nobody in this Chili's particularly paid attention to what M1 had to say about him either) and it's like. bruh
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Just had a thought - With Cellbit eating eldrich!Pac's leg, did that have any effect on him for consuming it? I can't exactly think of what, but it feels like doing so could have simply... absorbed into him, even possibly just over time, making him just a little bit off from ever being properly human again. Perhaps, as he went to therapy and gained back sanity and felt more in-tune with the people around him, he started to notice the parts that weren't quite right. He went from being a human sort of monster, to feeling more properly human but not fully BEING human any more...
The very first thing Cellbit would've noticed is that the leg didn't taste quite like a human's leg should. It was almost like it had a fishy undertone. The blood wasn't exactly right either, closer to black than red, and it hurt to look at too long.
After eating Pac's leg, Cellbit began to have terrible and constant nightmares. Always the same, being dragged to the bottom of the ocean, the feeling of being crushed by the pressure, seeing a form in the darkness full of glowing eyes and large sharp teeth. Eventually they subsided, not nearly as constant but always there on the worst of nights. Coincidentally, this happened around the time he was able to befriend Pac and Mike.
Less noticeable was that Cellbit's own physiology had changed, even just a bit. His blood was darker, eyes a little shinier at night. Teeth a little sharper. He needed less sleep than before, didn't need to eat nearly as much. Things were more attracted to him though, terrible and twisted things that hung around in the corners of his visions, in the shadows around him.
He always gets double vision when first seeing Pac and Etoiles after a period of time of not seeing them. Like he's looking at them but seeing something else, glowing eyes and sharp teeth under the water when looking at Pac, like staring into the sun for too long but also staring into a dark abyss when looking at Etoiles.
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👫 + santiago
How did Bradley Banner end up with Santiago De Leon? I don't even really know myself, but we can start at the beginning. I was trying to stay on the down low and walked into the first place I found when I first arrived in Aurora Bay, sat myself at the dark end of the bar at this place called Four Leaf and ordered an old fashioned. I remember him grabbing a glass, turning and pausing for a second — and in that moment I thought he was going to recognise me, but he didn't, instead he asked if I had a preference on scotch or bourbon. It was a quiet Tuesday night, so after a while he sat on a stool on the other side, said he hadn't seen me around before, asked my name. Told him I was called Ryan, he didn't even flinch, absolutely no idea who I was. Something freeing about that, talking to someone without that whole pressure of them knowing everything they've seen on the internet about you. Four leaf closed for the night but for some reason he didn't kick me out, instead we just sat, talking until the sun was coming through the window outside. The rest, they say, is history.
I got told so many times not to marry him. My parents, my friends, my business associates, people who thought they still had a chance with me if it wasn't for him. Tried to tell me he just wanted my status, which was always funny to me because we were always more comfortable when we were alone, honest to god, my favourite place used to be sat on our couch, tucked under his arm, finger tracing the spot I knew my initials were tattoo'd on his chest, talking about all the things we wanted for the future, where we were going to travel, what we were going to name our kids and how we'd bring them up. How I wanted them to have parents like his, not mine. Where if the world got too bright for us to survive I'd take a step back once I'd hit my initial goals.
Leaving him, even though it seemed like a split second decision, was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my entire life and I'm not entirely sure I'll ever fully recover from that. Loving him was easy, teaching myself not to be in love him was much harder and although enough time has passed that I'm not in love with him anymore, I still love him to a degree, pretty sure I always will. Serving him divorce papers as fast as I could was more of an attempt at talking myself out of going home, because I knew that if I did I'd probably forgive him — and I had too much respect for myself to be that woman. I'd like to be able to say I wish him the agony of knowing you weren't enough, but I don't. I hope he finds someone he loves enough not to do that to, because honestly, I wouldn't wish losing someone you thought was the love of your life on anybody, not even him.
If the last few months have taught me nothing else, it's that I probably need to pack up and move before we get caught up in something thats a waste of both of our time. I've realised theres nothing truly keeping me here. We don't seem able to stay out of each others orbit, but all we seem to manage to do when we collide is add to misery I thought I'd recovered from a long time ago.
( @santiagodeleons )
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crazy theory time! Hello, I hope you don't mind me trying to formulate thoughts by clogging up your asks haha (sorry in advance, love your eclipse posts and you feel super approachable!) But I've been having Thoughts I was hoping to soundboard off someone. I've seen a lot of people mention that in the first trailer there was a glimpse of Akk going off the cliff. I'm pretty sure the show will have a happy ending so I tried not to take it too seriously. But, PT1
[...contd.]
But after what they pulled with the imagined kiss, and all the times Aye has imagined (or relived?) Dika doing the same, I'm seeing that scene in the trailer WAY differently. Do you think maybe that's from something Aye had a nightmare about? More and more we've been seeing Aye push his own mission and intentions to the for Akk's sake (such as not exposing him as 'the curse') And more and more we've been seeing Akk despair with what's right and all the pressure and manipulation he's under.
We already know Aye hates lying (I don't think he's ever fully lied on the show in fact! He's avoided questions with deflection but never and outright lies about himself) and I think that's because he values the truth so much, maybe something he learned from Dika? He keeps asking Akk to tell the truth in more ways than one (the curse, Akk's feelings for Aye, etc.) Which brings me to my crazy theory...
We've seen that Aye is so desperate to keep from losing anyone the same way he lost Dika, that he'd do just about anything. But I think that will lead Aye to do something totally against his original mission to keep from losing Akk at any cost, even if it means sacrificing himself. But that's going to mean Aye will lose himself in the process. I do think there's a HEA, so phew!
But the pain for Aye ahead breaks my heart! :( Though, in good news - I think Akk will be the one person that can get through to him at a time like that. I think Akk will be able to bring Aye back with telling Akk the truth about how he feels about him (maybe a parallel of the "I love it when..." scene?). And if that's the case, I might burst into tears haha. Anyway! Thank you for entertaining my rambling! Hope it wasn't too much of a bother, and have a lovely day! :) ❤️
Hi anon!! Thank YOU for giving me a chance to talk about The Eclipse even more!
I agree, I’ve been thinking for a while that Akk going off the cliff was Ayan’s nightmare. But with the last ep establishing that the nightmare is a result of Ayan’s guilt that Dika died because they left him alone basically confirmed it for me.
We already know Aye hates lying (I don't think he's ever fully lied on the show in fact! He's avoided questions with deflection but never and outright lies about himself)
I don’t know if you’ve seen this wonderful meta by @liyazaki but it goes over Ayan not lying and his thought process when his mother asks if he’s going to leave her too better than I ever could put it.
I hate the thought of Ayan sacrificing himself (hasn’t the poor boy been through enough) but I could see him doing it. I’m hopeful it won’t go that way for several reasons though!
The first is this clip from the eclipse special at 5:49 where Akk and Ayan seem to have released some sort of project together. I’ve convinced myself at this point that it’s them working together to expose Suppalo. I may be totally wrong but until the show tells me that explicitly, I’m hanging on to it.
And the thing is... I don’t think Ayan protecting Akk would go against his mission. His mission, as far as we’ve been told is, “I’m going to wreck Suppalo and they’re going to make up for the shit they did.”
The shit they did includes what they’re doing to the students, and includes the intense brainwashing Akk is under. Hell, Ayan’s even told Akk to his face that he’s never met anyone as brainwashed as him.
The really really beautiful part of their relationship for me is that the only secret there is between them is that Dika is dead. There are no secrets set up to break them apart for a last minute separation - Akk being the curse could easily have been that. No, they both know since the very beginning that Ayan knows that Akk is the curse. They’ve talked about it plenty, even.
And Dika being dead, instead of a traitor that left them to work at another school? I think that is something that would bring them even closer together, maybe even help finally convince Akk that maybe, just maybe, his school’s reputation isn’t the most important thing and that sacrificing himself for it doesn’t really help anyone.
I’m really nervous about how all of this is going to play out especially considering that there’s only 4 episodes left but they’ve given me no reason to not trust them so far
(I also still fully believe that Akk thinks the curse is real and him acting as it keeps it at bay and - not to trust the previews but - I’m hoping the next episode is going to address that)
Honestly, more than Ayan I’m worried about the road ahead for Akk. His entire worldview is set to be shifted entirely and not only does he have that to consider and where his morals stand in relation to that, but also his entire future. He’s constantly under so much pressure and keeping so many secrets I really don’t understand how he hasn’t fully crumpled already.
Not that it’s going to be easy for Ayan. Assuming he does get his revenge, he’s going have to finally process the grief of losing Dika outside of anger. Once again, he needs so many hugs. Just, constantly someone hugging him. Maybe people taking turns to do so while he’s busy clinging to Akk like a koala
AND A PARALLEL TO THE I’LL TELL YOU MY FEELINGS SCENE. If there’s any sort of variation on that, let me tell you I won’t be talking about it. Because I’ll already be dead. I’ll be found paused at that scene and it would be a happy way to go tbh. Idk about you but I’m not prepared (I need it now)
Thank you for your ramblings, I loved reading them! As you can see, we love rambling thoughts in this house 🥰🥰🥰
#and thank you for saying I feel approachable#skfjdkfjd i don't even know how to respond to that but pls know i'm blushing#tomorrow! are you ready!#(sorry it took me so long to respond i was thinking about it a lot but also irl stuff got in the way#the eclipse#the eclipse series#ayan protection squad#< i'm making it a thing now
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tw: mentions of sexual topic, mentions of sexual fantasies (not mine), boundaries being ignored, implied stalking (??? just in school/not serious?), discussion of crushes, animals
looking for: support, answer/input, validation
I was wondering if you'd have the answer to what a certain situation I found myself in years ago was? When I was in grade 7 (or grade 8?) there was someone a year or two older that ended up having a crush on me. I'd recently moved to a new school and wasn't really making any friends and because they were part of the extra-support group (also gifted) they had access to some rooms in the school most people didn't.
We ended up becoming friends and I didn't fully know about their crush on me until we were having a sleep over and they decided to tell me about their.. stories (fanfiction?) they liked to write and fantasize about where.. where the largest of animal crossing characters would have sex with me.. without me reciprocating, to put it one way. The person went into detail about the size of the animal's parts and even when I told them to stop they kept talking about it. I ended up curling up in the bottom of my sleeping bag and covering my ears to ignore them, but they kept talking about it in way way too much detail (because I think they found me being uncomfortable cute??). They did it other times too, but that was the first time and it was very unforgettable (unfortunately).
It still makes me super uncomfortable now just thinking about it, and I really really don't know why they did that. They sometimes pressured me into doing things too (never as far as kissing though) and would often randomly "find" me in school (even when we changed schools AT DIFFERENT YEARS because they're older than me). They were also able to play the gifted/special needs/tutoring card and get us alone in empty classrooms during work times because the teachers liked them and didn't like me (long story. they thought I was selectively mute and I had to do sleeve checks because I give off traumatized vibes without any adults actually doing anything).
A few years after that they told me that "did you know when we knew each other back then I had a crush on you?" and acted like they didn't remember any of it? I cannot play any animal crossing game without remembering the MULTIPLE stories the person told me about many of the animal crossing characters.
There wasn't any official touching so I know it wasn't really sexual harassment, but what sort of situation would this be?? is it toxic at all?? I've had worse things happen but for some reason that one really grosses me out, because whenever I think about anyone having a crush on me I just think of those sorts of situations and I feel very exposed/gross/icky.
I also have had 2 other people with crushes on me stalk me (in school and school events, and on buses too.) and one of them had a crush on me from grade 5 to 11 (idk if it went longer? they pretended they didn't until.. things got very messy.) be very jealous and possessive(?) and try and pressure me into doing things.
And another one in grade 8 that was under the school's watch list (in terms of mental health risks) so they got to hang out in the student success room and empty classrooms during work time and they'd always get me to join them (I didn't like that teacher). I'm admittedly really bad at picking up the social cues of someone being interested in me so I just think I'm getting a new friend, and then things like this happen :(
Hi anon,
I'm so sorry that you went through these things.
That's definitely not okay and a violation of your boundaries. You did not deserve that. It's honestly surprising to me that someone genuinely thought it was okay to continue with something that made you visibly uncomfortable, as if they were unable to interpret body language. Ignoring body language is a dangerous red flag.
Sexual harassment can be purely verbal. For example, catcalling is a kind of sexual harassment. For this person to make you sexually uncomfortable could qualify as sexual harassment if that is a term you feel is fitting. Please know that it is up to you how you define this experience.
It sounds like you've unfortunately had many experiences of people violating your boundaries and space and making inappropriate moves. I'm proud of you for speaking up about these things because it's important. I think that can be a helpful first step in processing these experiences.
You are a valid survivor.
I hope you're doing okay now. Please let us know if you need anything.
-Bun
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