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#Dara Karadag
frozenblueberriess · 1 year
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I do not want tomorrow to come. I think that’s why I sleep so late. The morning sun demands so much from me. My bed wants to spit me out and I cling to it for dear life. There are a list of things to do but I rather sit and listen to the low hum of my sad heart.
Isabel Milagro
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babiemuse · 12 years
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I like Turkish Delight. 
The lady was Turkish, and in life, I love people from Turkey and Croatia and Iran and Palestine and that whole Persian area. All of the people that have inspired me or aided me in the right direction me, have been from that particular region. (Like Jesus !)
Once in the fourth grade, there was this girl named Ezgi and she was Turkish and I don't see her much, but she's beautiful. Inside and out. She has bad friends now, but once, she was my best friend, and she liked how I only wrote in pen. She didn't eat crabs because once her brother told her that she was eating Mr. Krabs from Spongebob Squarepants. I really liked her. We had a crush on the same guy. I didn't tell her, but I did tell him that I had a crush on him. He knew that she liked him, and I wish he would have liked her back, but he liked some other perfect all american girl. Everyone else liked Ezgi. I did. I think she was my first girl-crush. Anyway, she moved back to Queens. I miss her terribly. 
Then, in High School, there was this girl name Dara. She is Turkish and Puerto Rican. She's so sexxxxxxxxxxy ! OMG ! and for prom she looked like how I want to look when I get married. She inspired so much of me. (like my poems and stories and stuff) she writes poetry too. Some pieces of hers where published in the school poetry thing called Vintage. SO ! being the creep/ art patron(without money) that I am, I cut them out and added them to my wall collage. Once when we were in creative writing, the teacher (he is cool otherwise) called her sexy, and then went to say "If María had called you sexy everyone would have thought it was cute and adorable." (because everyone does) and then said, "If I told you were sexy, I would keep it inside my head." and then looked at her like poiuytrewq. Anyway, she's hot and has cool tattoos. She has a blog (detouteboute). 
My first French teacher is born in France, but her family is from Iran. She is soooo beautiful. I wish I had her body. She's like my second mom. However, she has something that everyone loves and her accent is great. I sent her poems anonymously last year because she was going through a tough time. I hinted that it was me, but I don't think she understood. They were really meee feeling, because they were all from my favorite poets. One of those was in Spanish from Pablo Neruda (God-Bless). I put them in her mailbox in the school's main office. I wondered if she ever got them and once I found one in her desk. The one in Spanish. So it made me feel nice. I'm going to do that next year. But I think she might find me because I'm always writing poems. She might make the connection. Next year she will be my teacher, but this year she wasn't because I was taking another honors course for Trig and it interfered with her class. I cried the entire day when that happened. When I graduate from that hell whole that is something that I will always miss. Her. She told me that she loved ever second that she was in NYU. 
My psychologist is from Croatia. He's name is Mario. I'm a peer leader for my school and he came to the school to talk about his personal life and his battles with alcohol and stuff. So, I had to show him around the classrooms. He likes the Doors. He reminded me of my grandfather. After that I went to his office, and I wanted to see him. He made me feel better. Like everything cleared up. But he made me understand that before everything can be better it has to be ugly. My grades were severely affect by my problem. He helped a lot. But I don't see him anymore, and I wish I did. 
Which brings me to today ! 
I make some allusions in my poetry, and one of those is to turkish delight. like the turkish delight food. In a lot of my poems. I like Turks. 
SO ! 
The Turkish woman I met today was amazing. I was reading the Picture of Dorian Gray and Dorian made me think of Narcissus. Narcissus is that guy from mythology that falls in love with his reflection, and then dies in a lake because he saw his reflection wanted to touch it then drowned. So I googled what book had that as a beginning and it was The Alchemist ! and if you have read it, it is live changing. 
SO I was thinking about the ideas of beauty. 
I looked at me, and I was like :( :( I will never find my Cole Mohr-Ash Synmest Lookalike writer manboy because I'm ugly. (especially today !) 
and then I saw the lady with the ice cream and I told her she was beautiful. She told me that I was beautiful too. I was like that's cute, I'm ugly. You're Turkish and  I'm a weird Asian Salvadoran. She said I was beautiful and told me she was once ugly. She had bushy eyebrows and she was an ugly tomboy, and then said that there were pretty tomboys and we all agreed. She said that as she grew older she found beauty within and when she was in her early twenties, she thought herself beautiful, and guys saw that. She said something about beauty finding her. And so much. It was life changing. She was so pretty. Her hair, her waist, her everything. Her eyessss ! Even when she wakes up, or she's sweaty, Jesus, she's beautiful. She told me I was. I don't believe it, yet, (yet is a very important word) She said the most beautiful-est words of wisdom. I could tell that she had been once ugly and had made herself believe she was beautiful. Because at the end, she was. She just had to believe it. I don't know how to put these without making it seem lame. She was great. The ice cream was so much better because she gave it to me. You know?
After fixing a couple of things as my life goes on, I will be beautiful. One day. Not because I'm skinny, or have nice skin, or because some guy told me, but because I believe it. Because fuck that bullshit that the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Because beauty is for everyone to have and for everyone to share and for everyone to see it in each other. It's not easy for a lot of people, do you have to work for it. Work for it. 
Nothing of this is poetic bullshit. 
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frozenblueberriess · 2 years
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What I hold true is this. The earth and the sky look best after a storm. I feel the most alive after I finish crying. The greatest songs have been written in agony and happiness is only thoroughly enjoyed because I know its adversary. If nothing terrible ever happens I will never know the meaning of survival. What do I stay alive for if not for love? And because I know love I will always say yes to suffering for it.
Isabel Milagro
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frozenblueberriess · 1 year
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The best tool for my writing will always be music. Music supports my belief that anything is possible. There are harmonies, melodies, symphonies and pure sashaying of sound that come from nowhere and everywhere all the same. It is the meeting of heart and mind as they come together to dance at the center of the soul. Whether I’m driving or laying, walking or running or having a meal, music will make it all better. It always does. The way we have recognized sound and all its possibilities should put to rest all forms of doubt forevermore. I am able to tell you this as I dwell on everything that music has given me. It allows me to have complete freedom of emotions without feeling like I’m going crazy. It allows me to see myself in someone else’s tune, in someone else’s vein, in someone else’s note.
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frozenblueberriess · 1 year
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I think the most interesting thing about life is humans. The way they move their hands towards their face in despair. How their foreheads scrunch when they get angry. A smirk from their mouth can be happy or evil. Their eyes can’t help but look at something beautiful. Their voice can either sing or say I love you. They are able to look into each others eyes, kiss each others lips and hold hands. Their face can either tell you everything or nothing at all.
Dara Karadag
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frozenblueberriess · 2 years
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I want to tell you that I often think of you even though I shouldn’t. I remember your face that day when I hunched over you as you were laying in bed. We were having trouble and you cried. I watched your brown eyes fill with tears that fell every time you blinked. But you wouldn't take your eyes off mine. They were pleading with me for answers that my mouth couldn’t eject. From that day forward I knew we were in love in a really rough kind of way since the highs were so high and the lows left us catatonic. We had our hands tied up in each other. You had both your hands around my neck so I could not breathe. I had both of mine around your heart so you could not love again.
Isabel Milagro
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frozenblueberriess · 1 year
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Death is so sure of itself
of its brutal nature
It will gloat and have me wrung
but death forgets
in the midst of its gore
with its eyes blind from blood
Love stands tall
on the ground of its word
and the will of its truth
time after time
I will place my bet on Love
for its ruthlessness
for its savagery
Dara Karadag
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frozenblueberriess · 2 years
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Everything is simple but we don’t deem it as such. We instead get distracted by the minutiae of every day life, which clouds are thinking into believing that the over arching decision, the grand gesture, the thing that’s supposed to be done is some great convoluted mystery.
Isabel Milagro
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frozenblueberriess · 2 years
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What will I do about tomorrow? I don’t know. I don’t have tomorrow. All I have is this gray majestic air settling in the sky where I may have wanted the sun. The birds are permitted to fly and I am permitted to wonder, to ponder. My mind is soaring but my eyes are closed. I will take the day for what it is but I would like to have my mind for good measure. So I can choose to escape, tolerate, or marinate. Thank you.
Isabel Milagro
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frozenblueberriess · 2 years
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I am blue like the midnight moon
The stars form the chorus
of my deafening doom
Isabel Milagro
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frozenblueberriess · 2 years
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I’m having a hard time accepting death as I remain alive. I watch my loved ones go but where does my love for them go? I feel it leaving me trying to nest in undeserving places. These other people don’t know what to do with it. I feel it trying to return back to me but I cannot keep it, it does not belong to me. It belongs with them, the ones who are already gone. So I let it get swallowed up by the earth, bits of me I will never get back. I am only a fraction, I carry a hidden life by the side of my life.
Dara Karadag
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frozenblueberriess · 2 years
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There’s an area of my life filled with rage and discomfort. Another part is filled with peace and warmth. I find you in between these two parts where there is sadness and longing. Your smile projects itself to the front of my mind and in seeing you joyous I crave to join you. I instead feel a pinch and then a gushing of despair from the emptiness I create for you to fill. But you are gone. So I fill it with other things that take up space but not enough. These things are always horrible for me. It’s always cheap. It never gets old, how often I cling to darkness in my intense need for light. 
Dara Karadag
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frozenblueberriess · 2 years
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I’ll write you a letter, more than likely on a cold night when it’s raining. The reminiscing of you will keep me warm. I’ll tell you things about my day that I wish you were a part of. Things like, grandma just completing her 85th birthday and how frightened I am of loosing her. The days have been longer without you and sometimes so short I miss it when I blink. Nothing has been the same and I can see people for who they really are. I don’t have as much sympathy for them as you did, you masked their grim with your glory.
Dara Karadag
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frozenblueberriess · 2 years
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There’s a bag
sitting on the floor
that I couldn’t really afford
but there it is
just like the rain
outside my window
which I didn’t purchase
or ask for
but God gave freely
I am cold
I want the small candle
burning by my side
to become a fire place
I sit by to learn
of why God comforts me
I want the flame to teach me
of his rage
and his warmth
the rain is gently tapping
on the the ground
begging me to listen
Dara Karadag
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frozenblueberriess · 2 years
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I am in pain
especially at night
while the crickets sing
I become quiet and docile
my anguish is unfamiliar
to me
and I refuse to become
more acquainted
I’d like to shout but everyone
is asleep
either in pain - like me
or so much worse I fear
in absolute,
Indifference.
Dara Karadag
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frozenblueberriess · 9 months
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