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soyouthinkucanwrite · 3 years

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July 2nd - Daniel Ricciardo

Based on New Year's Day by Taylor Swift and this request by @spikejonzed

Fluffly, mentions of sex, banter, nothing graphic.

BTW, I don't know how I've never paid attention to this song, it's so so beautiful and honest. I've thought about this concept before though: the "Sunday afternoon effect", when all the excitement of the weekend wears off and you're just hanging out with your friends, laughing about silly stuff, or cleaning up the house after the party. The thing is, the friends that stay till then are the ones you wanna hold on to, and the same goes for lovers. I feel kind of bad... well not BAD but you know, must be hard... when you're famous and rich, to recognize the good ones from the beginning before you give yourself too much away and it's too late.

To be honest with you guys, I think Daniel must feel a bit lonely sometimes. We all do, but to think that people are only interested in you for your fame and money must be tough... something you worked so hard, that you keep dedicating your life to, to think that that thing is the reason for your heartbreak, to your loneliness... It's a two-edged sword, isn't it? Anyway, I wrote this little something with Daniel in mind, hope you guys like it. Hope he finds someone to be like this someday. Hell, hope I find someone to be like this someday. I think everyone deserves that.

Daniel woke up in his bed, no shoes, but jeans and party shirt still on. The light coming through the windows, shining directly on his face, threatening to make his headache even worse. He let out a groan and turned to the side. There's someone on his bed with him. Shit. He just remembered. Last night was the first time he was introducing (y/n) to his friends. His birthday "small get together" (or at least that's what it was supposed to be) was the perfect opportunity for testing the waters and giving the "next step" without making too much fuss about it, after all, they've only been going out for a couple months and with his tight schedule it meant a lot of facetime calls and weekends, but almost no weekdays and routine stuff.

Yet, he was absolutely smitten with her, she was fun and easygoing, passionate about her own work and friends, but still caring and interested in him. They had amazing chemistry, mind-blowing even. But Daniel had lived enough to know that hanging out with someone on the weekends and knowing their best side was one thing, living through daily and mundane stuff was a completely different thing. Where this could go was still a mystery to him and he didn't want to raise too many expectations before he was sure. Still, she looked so beautiful sleeping, a true vision. He tried to remember if something had happened last night, but judging by his clothes still on, and hers as well, he guessed not. As if on cue, she smiled, with her eyes still closed.

"Stop being creepy" she said smiling. "I can feel you watching me sleep"

"You're not even asleep anymore" he smiled and she opened her eyes. He was taken back by her eyes staring directly into his.

"Still creepy though" she laughed, getting closer to him. He held her and they stayed like that for a while.

"Are you ok?" he asked her.

"What do you mean?

"Aren't you hungover, or sick?" he asked again and she laughed.

"Not at all. I have this really weird superpower, you know, I don't get hungover. Ever, actually" she laughed.

"I don't believe you. I have the headache"

"No, it's true. We did drink a lot yesterday, though" she commented.

"Yeah, well, welcome to having Australian friends. No such thing as light drinking with those guys" he laughed but grimaced at the pain in his brain.

"I'll get you something"

"Huh?"

"For the pain" she explained getting up from the bed.

After a while she returned with a pill and a glass of water, passing them to him.

"Thank you, baby" he took the glass, finishing it. "Come back to bed now"

"Your house... like, I'm not even sure if I should tell you to take a look or just pack your essentials and abandon it" she smiled.

"Uhh" he groaned. "I'll call someone later"

"Like a constructor with a wrecking ball?" she laughed.

"It can't be that bad"

"It's bad" she started. "But we can manage it" He looked at her intrigued. "After a shower" she pulled his hand. "Join me?"

"If I ever say no to that question, just put me in an asylum" he said. "I need a kiss though, as motivation" he smirked.

"Noo... I have morning breath"

"What? Me too" he said pulling her down and kissing her anyway. "Uh, no. You're right. Yours is worst" he said laughing while getting up and walking into the bathroom.

"Asshole!" she laughed following him.

They stripped and got into the shower, taking turns in letting the water run through their bodies.

"Come here" Daniel said, putting some body wash in his hands and spreading them over (y/n) body.

"Hum... this feels nice" she said.

"You're so beautiful" he said kissing her shoulder.

"You're so wasted" she laughed lightly.

"Hey! I'm sober. I'm just too tired. Give me a couple hours to recover, and I'll claim my birthday privileges"

"Birthday privileges? It's not even your birthday anymore" she laughed.

"Okay, but first, it's the weekend of, and second, I didn't get any time alone with you yesterday"

"Fair. And what will be your requests, may I ask?" she asked teasingly.

"Humm... you're so creative" he said kissing her. "I'm sure we'll think of something"

They finished the shower after a while, enjoying each other's company and the comfortable silence.

"Did anyone crashed here?" (y/n) asked when they were stepping out of the shower.

"I have no idea" Daniel answered. "I just remembered going to take a nap and waking up this morning. Shit, we didn't... did we?" (y/n) laughed out loud at that.

"Wow! Really, Dan?"

"We did not. I would've remembered"

"Good save. Such a gentleman" she laughed.

"I drank way too much. Sorry. Don't be mad"

"It's fine. I'm messing with you, I don't remember anything either. To be honest, I don't even remember joining you on your 'nap'" she said making air quotes.

"We're the worst hosts" he said getting out of the bathroom and going into the closet to get some clothes.

(y/n)'s heart swelled at the thought of hosting a party with Daniel. There was something so intimate about that statement, so homey.

"You want a shirt?" Daniel asked from the other room, waking her up from her daydream.

"Yeah, sure" she took the shirt, some underwear, and some sweats. Then brushed her wet hair and looked in the mirror. Not a trace of makeup left. She sighed thinking about how falling into a routine with Daniel meant letting the barriers down.

"Alright, snap out of it" she said to herself, getting out of the bathroom and walking outside, to the living room where Daniel was standing rubbing his neck and looking around.

"This is bad" he said when he saw her joining him. There were empty beer bottles and cups all around the living room and balcony, pizza boxes (with half-eaten slices left behind) in the coffee table, party decorations hanging from the ceiling, and the kitchen was even worse, with liquid spilled on the ground and bottles everywhere. There was glitter all over the floor and the couch - someone had brought some of those party poppers, which looked so much fun yesterday, but no so much now. But the best part was the polaroids, left all over the house with the craziest poses.

"Pack your stuff, we're deserting this goddam hellhole" he said and she knew he was joking, he said that about everywhere, but she still shook her head and rolled her eyes, picking a polaroid photo from the ground.

"Everyone had so much fun" she showed it to him. "I loved meeting your friends"

He took the photo from her hand, it was one where (y/n) was sitting on the couch with two of his buddies from Australia, making funny faces while holding cups. He remembered the moment because he was the one who took the photo.

"How's the headache?" she asked him.

"Almost gone"

"Good. So you don't have an excuse. Move your ass, where are the trash bags?" she laughed going into the kitchen.

"Hey! That was very sneak of you" he laughed but followed her anyway.

They spent the next hour collecting bottles, vacuuming glitter, and just cleaning the whole house. Daniel complained the whole time, but in truth, he was very glad to have her there. Sure, he could just ignore the whole mess and hire someone on Monday to clean everything (he probably would still do that anyway, for the heavy cleaning like bathrooms), but it was really nice of her to just stick around, seeming unbothered by the housework. When she finished tying the last trash bag and putting it on the entry hallway she flopped on the couch besides Daniel, who had called it a day some good 10 minutes ago.

"Done?" he asked her.

"I feel like punching you for asking me that" she answered playing annoyed. He lifted his hand in defense.

"What? I did my part!"

"Men" she shook her head. "I'm surprised you haven't complained about being hungry yet"

"Well, I'm starving! Was just waiting to suggest going out, or ordering in"

"Ordering in, please. I don't want to get off this couch any time soon"

Daniel got his phone out to order some food. It was almost noon, so he thought about something like pasta, some carbs would be nice right now. Then he felt (y/n)'s head drop on his shoulder, her hand caressing his arm. It was such a sweet gesture, so understated, he just stopped what he was doing and looked at her.

"What?" she looked at him.

"I'm really glad you're here. Thank you"

"It's nothing" she smiled.

"I don't mean the cleaning. Well, that too. But just, thank you for being you and wanting to hang out with me, you know, after the party"

"I'll always wanna hang out with you, partying or cleaning bottles" she said and leaned in to kiss him. "Happy birthday old man" this made him smile through the kiss.

"Thank you, young lady" he said still smiling. "Let's feed you now, yeah?"

"Please! Let's get some carbs on this house!" she smile.

"Hey, guys!" (y/n) and Daniel looked up to see Luke, one of Daniel's buddies walking out of the guest bedroom.

"Dude! I didn't know you were here" Daniel laughed.

"Yeah, just woke up. Definitely wasn't hiding in the bedroom waiting for the cleaning end to get out" he grinned making (y/n) and Daniel laugh.

"You know what? Just for that, you're going downstairs to pick up the food when it gets here, and taking out the trash!" (y/n) teased him, tossing a pillow from the couch at him.

Daniel just observed while his friend and his girlfriend joked and laughed. He thought about how right now he was enjoying a feeling of contempt that wasn't really natural or much appreciated by professional athletes, but this time felt right to indulge in it. He felt safe like someone's got him, finally. He took (y/n) hand on his and squeezed it three times, he knew this was already a good thing, something to last. She looked at him, she knew exactly what he meant.

#Daniel Ricciardo #Daniel Ricciardo fic #daniel ricciardo fluff #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo fanfic #daniel ricciardo imagine #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #daniel ricciardo oneshot

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lwt28brave · 3 years

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LT2 masterpost

If it was up to me, we would get an autumn or winter EP. Since it’s not up to me at all, here, enjoy this post with everything we know so far of LT2, which is to say, not much at all. Everything here is hypothetical. I’ll be updating every time I see something relevant. A little disclaimer that while this is a masterpost (kinda), it could be read as discourse (duh, it’s also a theory), AND it’s also by me, and you shouldn’t expect me to be serious at this point.

Due to me restraining myself, there’s no reference to any of the times he’s mentioned his guitar skills and him improving but I hope you know I cried every single time.

I’m also linking my old pinned here. It was written before AFHF and around the free merch thing that didn’t lead to much, but I still think I made some good points.

Possible tracks:

Copy of a Copy of a Copy

Change

Faith in the future??

369??

Possible names:

369

Faith in the future

When is the album coming out?

Your guess is as good as mine

Friday 28th of January 2022. Almost two years after Walls. It’s a Friday. It’s a 28th. What else can I say?

Here you can find @want-to-be-loved timelines for every month.

Here you can find @berlinini’s timeline of what Louis has been up to this year (2021).

The rest is under the cut. And here you can find a PDF version where Tumblr can't tell me how many pictures I can add.

2020

He said back on May 2th 2020 he wasn’t writing anything new yet.

(x)(x)(x)

Interestingly enough, he’s said many times after that that the album’s not ready cause he has no new experiences to drawn from. I won’t call him out because he does it himself.

May 4th. He liked a tweet from DMA’s Johnny Took saying they had to go write together again. Louis has been credited as an influence for them and (kind of) participated in their previous record, so I’m assuming he meant for their music and not his, but you never know.

Nothing(literally nothing??? how did we survive) until 11th of July. We all know what happened that day. We all celebrated it. Nonetheless, that’s not what I’m talking about here.

(x) So, by the beginning of July 2020 he was working on concepts and ideas for the new album. That was fifteen months ago. I know perfection takes time but…

Brief summary of important things that happened from then until the next mention of new music:

Louis left Syco!!!! 10 days later he rescheduled the tour for the first time. He followed Matt Vines on Twitter, probably so we could publicly shame him into doing something. Also, the 10thanniversary. He followed more people I wish he hadn’t.

Then more nothing until September. Not even a single tweet. The first merch drop was on the 28th of August but he just RT’ed the tweet. He first mentioned Free my Meal on the 25th of September. Then on October 1st Walls hit #1 on a lot of countries and Louis was incredibly happy and excited about it ^^

And then, that same day, October 1st, 2020, he dropped this bomb:

(x)

He also said it was too soon to be sharing new lyrics with us (x)

And, obviously, this tweet which is actually what made me start this whole post. I would hope you know mate.

(x)

He also told us he was cooking "banger after banger" and that he was incorporating more social themes into his music (x)(x) (I believe any social issue is a political issue but that’s not the point rn).

COPY OF A COPY OF A COPY?!?!

These next paragraphs are brought to you by my mind not remembering things and me not having any links. I’m assuming COACOAC came from those writing sessions that supposedly happened in October. Or in LA but I have no idea if he actually was in LA at any point other than a Daily Mail article putting him there on December which would have been too late, but I do remember that someone said he was in the studio in LA last autumn???? A rumor. Maybe. IDK. Did I mention already all of this is very hypothetical?? Well, this is it. I can’t even remember if this was October or November or what. So, take this with a grain of salt.

I’m also… taking the liberty to assume, if you must, that Copy wasn’t meant to be a Walls reject because it sounds more mature and darker and it has a vastly different tone that Walls songs. I know he’s said that song probably isn’t getting into the album, but I want to have faith (in the future) that I’m getting a studio version. (But also, Louis, if you’re reading this, first of all GET OUT OF MY BLOG second of all, please don’t ever feel pressured again to add a song to the album because we have already heard it before. It’s your art and it should always be under your own terms).

So yeah, I believe that Copy is either one of those four songs (then imagine the other three??!!) or was written around the 1st of October date.

---End of the Intermission---

Then not much important (other than sharing more about Marcus Rashford fight against food poverty and the 2nd merch drop) until he announced the livestream on the 24th of November. (x)

It wasn’t until a few days before the livestream date we even thought again about new music (jk, I know we’re always thinking about new Louis’ music). So, December 9th/10th, 2020. Nine months ago. We got our first taste of new music!

He made sure we knew Copy of a Copy of a Copy isn't a cover! (x) (x)

(x)

Ok, so that’s it for 2020. (I feel like I’m missing something from September 17th because tweet was deleted but maybe he was still talking about cucumbers. We might never know. Unless I understand how Tumblr tags work). Expected, cause Walls was released in 2020. We needed to let it sit for a while.

2021

Another Summary: Louis third tweet of the year was telling the UK government off. So was the fifth. What a good beginning. On the 26th of January, he said he prefers pancakes over waffles. I hope he meant pancakes other than his own. More importantly, he tweeted the infamous “you lot read into things too much”. Don’t get me started, Tomlinson. Don’t. Then the 31st came around and Walls was one. He tweeted this. How wise. And Project Defenceless happened!!

15th of February!! Who cares about Valentine Day when the next day we got this? ♥

(x)

So…AN EP?? AN EP?? PLEASE RELEASE AN EP.

“I’m sure I will have something out this year but unlikely that will be the album”. Unlikely but not impossible. Also. A single would be good. This is the second time he mentions releasing something in 2021 and he sounds surer about it than the first time around.

He also said that he isn’t sure we will get a studio version of Copy. And that the best bridges from Walls to LT2 are Walls, OTB, KMM and Copy. Can’t wait!

Then we jump to March 6th when he announced he was going to create his own management company. “Sometimes action is needed first to encourage the motivation and belief”. As we can tell he was already manifesting some stuff which will lead us to the numerology stuff/Tesla… kidding. Or not. We might never know.

On the 22nd of March he answered some questions:

He told us music was still his main focus ♥ mwha. (x) I included this tweet to guilt-trip him into giving us music in case he’s reading this even after I told him to leave. ILY.

(x) I’d love to get a visual EP this autumn. Just saying. It sounds like a lovely concept.

(x)

…next (I will get into it, I promise. I’m just mad).

On the 25th he left for Mexico until April 10th. You could assume it was just for the documentary where we got ten seconds of footage or admit the obvious: LT2 its a Mexican baby!!

On the 26th (so, not so far apart from that first 369) we got the first Faith in the Future mention: (x)

Back then we were innocent people who had no idea what was coming upon us. We still have no idea because what the fuck does he mean with these. Please explain. I have one braincell and I don’t use it enough for this. I’m linking some theories.

On the 30th of March he confirmed he was already working on the documentary. So AFHF was already on the works. Will it take this long for us to get the Veeps numbers? We also got this tweet: "Got a decent chorus idea down" (x).

Same person that got the “something out this year” exclusive. If you know something share with the class. Also. Is this Change? I feel like this could be Change but I also assume he wrote Change after hanging out with his friends or being in Doncaster. But who knows.

(x) And the second mention to 369.

(x) 15th of April. The second "Faith in the future".

On the 19th of April he announced that he had something BIG for us later on the year which turned out to be the Away From Home Festival ♥♥ (x) I love him so much.

Then on the 28th he announced the 369 merch drop (which it’s probably the Walls drop? Except that the TOU and KMM ones were “drop 1 and drop 2” and this was drop 369 which, again, makes no sense) but we still don’t know what 369 means.

Into May’ 21 we go.

He rescheduled tour again. And dropped another bomb (x).

He announced he has signed with BMG as an independent artist by RTing this tweet on May 10th. The article also says that he’s already working on writing and recording LT2. The timing… we don’t know. What this deal involves… we don’t know either. Bear with me here because I have a lot to say about this.

I think the deal is only a distribution one, but that BMG are interested in Louis and what he (us) could bring to the table. They were either present at the festival or watching it, but officially they had no involvement at all with it (everything is credited either to Louis own company, 78 Productions, or Charlie Lightening’s company). That’s the case for both giveaways too; the vinyl one and the tickets for the festival.

I think it would be an unbelievably bad move not to test the waters with BMG now or soon-ish. At least a single, to see how it performs. Due to the circumstances, it’s obvious there’re certain limitations on place but I want to see how they push it, whether the radio play exist this time around and if the song is playlisted and promoted and all that… I would also love to know, since it says he signed with BMG UK, but it also states it’s a global deal, how things are going to go on the US and other countries.

Yes, yes. I know those are all questions and no answers. But I know the same as you, sadly. If any of you know more than you’re letting on… again, share with the class.

Where was I? Yes, on the 25th of May Louis had a great day writing (x). Since the first time he had mentioned he was officially writing to this date there’s almost eight months. And I believe he was writing before October’ 20.

He followed Robert Harvey that day and, on the 28th of May (why is it always the 28th???) he was spotted at the studio for the first time.

June was an interesting month for the fandom ♥. Lots of LHL content which I will love and cherish for the rest of times. On June 4th, June 9th, and June 10th he was spotted at the studio, but I believe he was there more days.

(x)

This was posted on June 6th and captioned Studio. Charlie also shared it with “Mega tunes being put down, can’t wait for this @louist91 #louistomlinson #LT2” as the caption. This gives me 2019 (Elton-Joint) vibes. I like it. Feels like we’re getting closer to something.

He added the Milano date on the 9th too which I’m mentioning because I’m going alone. Anyone wanna go with me please? I’m nice and I never eat anything before a concert so you can have my food. On other news. It didn’t come home.

During July he was at the studio at least three days too. Probably more. Feels like more with all the fan pictures we got. Or was that June? Anyway, July 1st and 9th we got some videos from Robert Harvey and wearesuperhi, which is who Louis has been working with the most, that we know of. I don’t know for sure they’re from that day. And on July 5th we got an article and lots of pictures of Louis looking really good outside the studio.

On the 12th of July the first fans started getting the free, 369 bucket hat and print. We still don’t know what the purpose was other than to thanks fans. Maybe that was it. I want answers and I still think it relates to a future project (see theories above), but it could also just be a bridge with the Walls breaking.

He didn’t tweet about anything interesting for a while, mostly because he lost his phone (he either throwed it in the air or smashed it who knows). Then on the 29th of July he announced the festival!

I’m glossing over it because there’s already been a lot of talk about it (rightfully) and while it was a wonderful thing, it doesn’t have much to do with LT2.

Let’s talk Change!

On August 3rd he tweeted this about the setlist.

(x)

And this (x) on the 28th! I can’t stand him.

We didn’t get it, obviously. Because who was going to get that. But we read too much into things. Alright.

On the 16thof August Dave Gibson shared this post tagged #LT2 with the eyes emojis 👀👀👀. I believe this has to do both with Change but also with whatever else came out of that Mexico trip.

(x) Last relevant tweet related to LT2 is this one.

So, on the 30th of August we got Change and we cried, and we know that Change is going in the new album. He said it. With those exact words. He also said he was “getting a feeling for it”. This has to meant he already has a general idea of the vibe of the new album and what’s going in it!!!!!! (Right? RIGHT?).

Anyway, let’s go back a few weeks because some other things happened on August. He was at the studio a few more times. Or it was suggested that he was there. On the 17th and the 18th. (Why was it so time-pressing to be at the studio instead of rehearsing for the festival? There was no studio at all on the documentary. Which makes sense, but again, then why?).

On the day of the festival we got another mention of Faith in The Future that made me feel part of a cult ngl. The words were flashing on the screen for less than a second. Okay.

And then he tweeted those words again after watching the livestream/documentary on the 4th of September (x). This is what makes me suspect it's either the name of the album or of the single.

On the same day, we got some interesting quotes about LT2 on the documentary.

“Soon I’ll have to think about me second album, which in my head I’ll get the tour out of the way and then I’ll address that. So, I hadn’t really given it much thought, to be honest”.

“When every day is the same is hard to feel creative and it’s hard to have any kind of proper inspiration”.

“As season started to come back, I started writing again and it was great and some of these songs turned out alright”.

And I think this is it. I might be overlooking some important details but that’s what we know and what we don’t know.

So. Conclusions. That’s what you missed on Glee. I do believe the album is, if not mostly done, partially there. And yes, this post is pointless and never-ending but it’s all in here if you need to tell Louis “Hey, you said this, mate”.

#LT2 #Louis Tomlinson #Faith in The future #369 #Louis #LT #new music #idk what this is #but it's long #pinned

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tipsydipsydo · 3 years

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Der Geliebte

Pairing: Jungkook x artist! Reader

Gender of the Reader: female

Word Count: 6.4k

Rating: 16+

AU: non idol! Jungkook x artist! Reader AU!

Genre: strangers to lovers AU; friends to lovers AU! (idiots to lovers AU!); love at the first sight! AU; soulmate to lovers! AU (kinda?); unbelievable amount of fluff; a little angst (fluffy angst!!,); tiny amount of smut (one paragraph xD)

Warnings: tiny bit of smut/some sexual tension between both of them; Jungkook is a poor shy thing and is fucking nervous around the reader all the time; teeth rotting fluff; both are so in love with each other that they’re getting stupid to not realize it; both are insecure that they’re not meant for another... just fluff, fluff, fluff and painfully obvious pining over each other!

A/N: Hallelujah, I finally did it! After I made Sibi @borathae wait over three months for her Christmas + Birthday Fanfic I finished it two weeks to late for my sweetest Darlings Birthday! I am so incredibly sorry that I made you wait for such a long time and really, Sweetie, you have all the rights to be still mad at my stupid ass! Nevertheless... I love you so goddamn much and I hope the fic made at least a little bit up for it... Love you!!!! 💕 💕

Summary: You and Jungkook met right at the first day you opened your own atelier in Seoul after you had to leave your old home behind you. You love paint canvas with landscape motives, other people just roll with their eyes when they hear that you choose such usual, almost boring things to paint. Not so Jungkook, he seems to be different than most of visitors. It’s almost like he can read your feelings through your paintings...

Status: Edited (I am sorry for any still existing errors in here!)

[Links]:

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「© tipsydipsydo」

This following story is my intellectual property and belongs only to my blog tipsydipsydo.tumblr.com!

I’ll not accept any kind of reposting, stealing or using/editing my work!

That includes reposting my content on other social media platforms too, even when you link me as the original author.

Thank you.

* Jungkook’s POV *

"In what are you getting yourself into, Jungkook?"

I quietly ask myself as I get rid of my clothes behind the paravent and throw the dressing gown over his body which you laid out for me. My hands are sweaty, they tremble slightly and my heart beats wildly, as if it wants to jump right out of my chest. Excitement spreads throughout my body, leaving a faint feeling in my stomach and a certain blush rises in my cheeks. I still can't believe what I've gotten myself into . But... you looked at me so pleadingly with your dear and downright innocent eyes that I would have done anything for you with that look of yours. I want to make you happy, see that happy and contented smile on your lips, which always makes a whole horde of wild butterflies break out in my belly. 'Normally I was the shyness and silence in person and with you... with her, I feel for the first timesomething like peace and security. Especially when I consider how shy I usually am around women.', I ask myself and I don't really know the answer to that. But what can I do against my feelings? I don't really know, on the one hand they scare me, on the other hand they feel so exciting and new that I don't want to eliminate them at all.

I don't even know exactly when the whole thing started. In which moment my feelings for you grew, when I felt more than just fascination and admiration for you and your artwork. Six months ago, a small studio had opened in my district, your own studio. On the day of the opening I simply went to it of pure curiosity, I had always had such a weakness for art and photography.

I can still remember exactly how I stood in front of one of your works and was literally speechless and overwhelmed by this picture and all his small details. This painting represents a classic image of the countryside, which was often to be found everywhere. But this work was different. So full of small details and ornaments. It was so much more... As a viewer you can see a beautiful clearing, which is surrounded by trees and protected from too many curious eyes. The ground of this clearing is overgrown with dense and lush green grass, which from the incoming sunlight almost invites you to let yourself fall into the grass. It reminds me instantly of my carefree childhood, when I rolled in it without overthinking my actions too much and those times when I playfully wrestled with my best friends around until our clothes had grass stains all everywhere. I could almost smell the scent of wild, untamed nature. The longer I look at the picture, the greater the longing became. Maybe I could visit this beautiful place one day, together with my partner, my significant other. Playing around with each other, chasing your beloved one until you fall into the grass breathless laughing and cuddling. Maybe we could have a picnic there and feed each other with homemade sweets?

I didn’t know that such a "simple" landscape painting could touch and awaken so much more in me, in my soul. Suddenly, such a wanderlust came over me that I gasped for air and a heavy lump formed in my throat. My whole body was tingling and my heart was literally screaming to get away from this dreadfully grey and monotonous daily routine of my boring single life, for at least some weeks. I want to go to this place, where I could draw the warm and fresh, natural air could deep into my lungs and pamper myself with homemade delicacies. Just to let the soul dangle and don’t stuck with my closely clocked work life. Maybe sleep until 10 o'clock in the morning and then maybe have a nice nap later. Enjoy the warm nights and hear the crickets chirping. This longing was... irrepressible. This particular wanderlust for nature, just to be out of the city, this longing for exactly this abandoned and untouched forest clearing literally overwhelmed me. What was it for an artist who could trigger such feelings and emotions in me?

I had been so absorbed in the artwork that I had not even noticed that a person step next to me. "Do you like the work?", asked a soft melodic voice, which spoke perfect Korean, but was pervaded by a light accent, which I could not quite assign. I flinched a little, but this bright, happy laugh gave me a tingling goosebumps all over my body. What a beautiful laugh... I turned to the person who was the owner of this beautiful voice. I was startled when I realized that the artist and owner of this studio was standing in front of me personally. I recognized her again, as I had seen a small photo of her in the newspaper article that drew my attention to this beautiful studio in the first place. Already in this picture she had radiated something so strong, colorful, cheerful and lively, which caused an excited flutter in my stomach.

I admit, I already laid an eye on her just by her appearance. Unfortunately I always had a hard time getting to know people ever since, let alone to talk to women. And now having you, Y/N, personally standing right in front of me, made me feel fluffy and excited in my stomach. Nothing is left of this otherwise so sassy and self-confident man that I used to be. Only a nervous and stodgy twenty-three-year-old idiot, who did not know what to say or wanted to say, now stands in front of this stunningly pretty and intelligent woman.

Her eyes sparkles like jewels, full of joy, struck me with interest and a playful smile lays on her lips. "Did you not understand my question?", she asked kindly, but nobly reserved. Immediately a rosy puff settled on my cheeks and I stuttered nervously: "Y-Yes, excuse me! I... I was just somewhere else with my thoughts and was completely surprised that they were addressing me personally.... Your works are truly unique! They still show such ‘usual’ motifs and yet they are so special because of these finely elaborated details and this passion with which this work of art was painted. They really are... Unique artworks that you do not forget so quickly. Even for untrained eyes as my owns, I can see that a talented artist has worked on it. I am very impressed by your work, especially this work here!" You could hear the honest admiration from my voice and my heart leapt as she reacted bashful to all of my compliments.

"Thank you, really, thank you so much! I really appreciate to hear such nice words like yours, even if it is rare. I am often criticized for my ‘lack of creativity’, caused by my chosen motives. I just love the rough, almost untouched landscapes of my hometown, I try to depict the ‘normal’ as something beautiful, unique. I would like to ‘really see’ what we already take for granted again. As a wonderful creation, a work of art. Nature is a wonderful example of this, or the architecture of buildings as well. Architects are also artists, although unfortunately they are not seen as such. I just want to offer the obvious things a more meaningful space again.... People like you have become rare. I have observed how you have recognized the true meaning, this beauty and aesthetics in such a ‘usual-looking’ motif. And this pleases me so much that you can read 'between the brushstrokes'. Oh... Excuse me, I always talk way too much when someone shows an interest in art or music, my personal passions. Besides that, I have not introduced myself to you yet, I am Y/N! I was obviously so pleased to see your understanding, empathetic look at this work, if you understand what I mean... Anyway... I can guess that you knew my name already, don't you? What about you? May I know your name?", asked you, beautiful artist, with her really stunning smile.

I swallowed nervously, never before had a young lady mixed my emotions so much in me. Even the picture of her in the newspaper article, which I had read out of boredom in one of my lectures, got me so emotionallyconfused. I didn't want to say it in front of my teasing friends, but I had been really excited when I set off this Friday night. And now the creator of these works of art stood before me and seemed to want to have a longer conversation with me. My heart beats to my throat and I got sweaty hands from this nervousness in my poor body. Honestly, as soon as I wasn't surrounded by my clique of friends, I automatically turned into a nervous, slightly abashed blushing and stuttering guy who behave like an inexperienced teenager.

In private life, without my best mates by the side, I am not so confident and daredevil. After all, I always had someone who could cover my back when things get tough, while I am on my own without anyone I know. You could usually only believe and trust, not control. That's probably why I struggled with interpersonal relationships. I always overthink too much and have some struggles with my self-confidence.

And now this attractive young woman looked at me with such interest and joy, just me. I was actually the reason for her interest. A joyful and blissful tingling seized every pore, every fiber of my body. Yes, in fact it was just me! Not my best buddy Seokjin, whom I have known since childhood and always sought the attention of everyone. It was no exaggeration to say that he was perhaps a little narcissistic, but only to cover up his own insecurities. Never would I have thought that someone would manage to get this personification of self-love under control. I admired his wife for standing up to Seokjin and keeping him and his dad Jokes at bay. Believe it or not, she of all people had the pants on in the house and knew how to deal with my best friend.

My gaze glided over the figure of the person in front of me and once again I took a sharp breath. I was so nervous to face her personally, a person I already deeply admired and had quite a respect for. I simply did not want to do anything wrong, even if this charm of hers was almost tangible and paralyzed my entire brain with its function. I can already picture how my mind waved wildly goodbye to myself and went to the summer holiday in the Caribbean.

This carefree smile and these beautiful eyes harmonized wonderfully with your complexion. Your features were awake and alive, seemingly always a slight smile surrounded the corners of your mouth, which provoked almost paradoxical reactions in my body. Your smile awake countless butterflies to flutter around in my stomach, which made me quite nervous and at the same time you radiated such a sense of security and calm, as if there was no reason not to get a word out of shyness. My gaze, which I hope examined you unobtrusively enough, wandered to your hands. You had long fingers, I could really imagine how they elegantly held the handle of the paint brushes and worked on these small details extensively in such a calm behavior. Which satisfied and concentrated calmness you possibly radiated while doing that...

A small, noble clearing of your throat again tore me out of my fantasies and speculations. God, what was I today but inattentive! How rude I must have seemed to you...

"Oh, sorry... I... I have not been able to keep my thoughts together all day..." I lied to seem at least a little more credible. Nervously, I pulled on the knot of my tie to loosen it up a little before I have a circulatory collapse. Before I went here, I thought for a long time about what I should wear for this occasion. Jeans and T-shirt were out of the question, too casual and almost an insult for your atelier. A complete suit, however, seemed too overdressed to me and so I decided for a black dress pants and a dark blue dress shirt.Understanding, Y/N nodded and gave me a cheering smile, which made my body tingle again. This woman drove me half crazy alone with his friendly gestures. How could it be that this polite lady got me confused right away?!

And somehow, it gave me a frenzy to leave my secure, anonymous side as a visitor to her exhibition and irrevocably reveal my true identity to you.

"My name is Jeon Jungkook."I answered in a slightly trembling voice, hardly daring to look into her eyes and rubbing my neck unobtrusively.

* Jungkook’s POV *

If only I had guessed what would change in me, how you changed me. That so much more would develop from a pure interest and a simple formal business contact... that you want to make me one of your artworks.

I take another deep breath before I dare to step out from behind the dark red paravent. It is pleasantly warm in this room, I should not freeze, if I am already so freely clothed. My gaze wanders through the small room with the huge, floor-to-ceiling window, which floods the entire room with light. The walls of the room have been painted in a dark orange and red colors and dark wooden planks lay out on the floor. It looks so comfortable due to the warm, dark tones. The orange-yellow evening sun dipped everything into something so cozy... sensual. Somehow into even a little erotic?

Y/N wants to work a lot with the light of the evening sun in this painting, which could be a little complicated if it is not suitable or if it is cloud-covered. But if you have put something into your head, especially in relation to your art, then you do everything you can do to go through it! Also the changing forces of nature cannot stop you from trying to realize your idea. Sometimes, you’re someone who is quickly frustrated and dissatisfied with yourself as well, especially when something doesn't work as you wants it to. Nevertheless when it comes to your passion, drawing and painting, you don’t let your idea go away, if you want something, you’ll find a way to make it happen. These are qualities that I know all too well of myself and thus my fascination about you only grows even more. The more time we spent together and I get to know more and more sides of you, the more attracted I became to you.

Your art means a lot to you and you’re quite tough in this respect, can not be overcome by the reproaches and the crushing criticism. That’s exactly what I admire so much about you, having the courage to stand up for personal passion. When I get criticized, all too often I think about really giving up on it, so that I don't have to endure all this criticism anymore. And then I look at you. How focused you are in this moment and carefully prepare for your next project. How you adjusts you easel to the right height, let your self-stretched canvas snap into place, spreads brushes of all sizes and shapes on the small side table next to you and prepares youracrylic colours. I swallow again, as I watched this happen. I am about to become one of your next artworks.

A little uncertainly I walk towards Y/N, the thin dressing gown tightly drawn around my body... never before have I felt so naked and vulnerable. This here is something else. I feel something about it... I feel something for you. For this pretty lady, who sprays her cheerfulness around her and could conjure a smile on the lips of even the most grumpy person. This joy almost kills you, completely engrossed this person and gives you the feeling of floating. You will get the feeling of being welcome at Y/N. To be accepted, with all the flaws and weaknesses that one has. She just smiles at you so gently and lovingly and just says, it's okay. It's okay to be the way you are. Imperfect.

"It is precisely this imperfect, this contradictory and also unpredictable thing that makes us human. That makes us an individual and also interesting. If we were really all as we are expected to be, it would be boring and monotonous. The surprise is only a real gift. Each of us is a very individual gift to a very specific addressee, who is the only one who can truly appreciate this gift. Only then did the recipient find the right person as his gift... Well, if the recipient knows about his gift...", Y/N once said with such a certain look at me, when we went out to dinner together in a restaurant in the evening to clarify some details. I wanted to help her find good contacts in Seoul and help her sell her works.

I can still remember it exactly... it was a quite... extraordinary evening. I was of course once again incredibly nervous and excited. At that time, I did not want to fully realize how much I already like you. Secretly, I had observed my opposite. Your positive and friendly disposition had turned my head all around... and in addition, this beautiful body and her elegant fingers, which already haunt me in the most erotic way unintentionally in my dreams.

I could not prevent my dream pictures from shooting through my head, which is why my cheeks turned dark red in embarrassment. These fucking fantasies in my head! My eyes stare at the cutlery as if it were incredibly interesting because I didn't dare look up. There were scenes in my mind that made my ears turn red and I would’ve loved to hide behind the menu card. Your body, which made her look like a Greek goddess.

Naked, body covered in sweat, your body shook in lust, you sit up with a wonderful moan... You are on top of me, I could admire your beautiful, almost divine body as you sat on top of me... and rode me. This breathtakingly beautiful distorted face of yours, as if all this pleasure you feel is carved in marble... lids closed, your lips, swollen from all the kissing, are slightly opened which let your lustful whimpering escape. This grace and elegance, as you rose from me and then lowered yourself again... as your hands glide erratically over my stomach, searching for support... you suddenly threw your head back and clenched even more tightly around my length. The addicting sounds you’ve made... it’s like the most beautiful melody in my ears... squelching noises and even more of yourjuices gushing out of your sweet, so sweet pussy when you came...

An all-too-familiar laugh tore me out of my extremely indecent thoughts, which quite relieved me at first. Until I raised my head and not too far away I recognized no one but my best friend Kim Seokjin, who made very questionable hand signals in my direction. Oh my God, no! I knew that he had recently changed his job and got accepted for a position as a chef in a new restaurant... but not in this Restaurant! He will never let me life after he found out I was on a “Date” with a woman...

Even though Seokjin was on the other side of the restaurant, I could almost feel his smirk on my own skin. Fuck it, just pretend as if you do not know each other and hit him really hard tomorrow morning in the gym where we meet up for our work out. I quickly turned all my attention back to the person sitting opposite me and tried to ignore Seokjin as best I could.

It was only at the end of the evening, when I had said goodbye to Y/N, that I realized that this meeting had much more of a date than a "business dinner". How familiar we had talked with each other... how much I had thought about licking Y/N the drop from the chocolate sauce of her lava cake from her lips... how it would be... to kiss and touch you...

A noticeable blush has settled on my cheeks as I attended our first meeting together... or even Date in this Restaurant thought back. Four months had passed since then and I suffered from longing for you. You would never see me like I saw you. The reason you wanted to draw me was simply that she needed someone as a model. In addition to landscapes and cities, you want to devote herself gradually to more other motifs. And since I have been the first inquired. Your pleading eyes made me say yes. But I know that for me you have no more than the feelings for a casual friendship. It hurts to see how you flirt around so casually with all those other people. I would never be the gift for you as you are for me. If only the recipient would notice that there is a given heart laying in your hands...

"Ah, Jungkook! I’m glad that you're ready!", your cheerful and melodic voice cuts through the silence of the room and you’re walking towards me with excited shining eyes. "Come~," you say and lead me to the chaiselongue, which is placed in front of the large window. The soft, orange light of the evening sun falls on the wine-red fabric of the restored chaiselounge in baroque style. The upholstery has frames covered in gold and also the lion feet on which this historic furniture stands are gilded. Everything was decorated with so many Details, it looks so incredibly elegant and luxurious. On the left side there are some cushions in the same color and an elegant design is carved on the backrest, literally inviting to get used.

"Surely you know the movie 'Titanic', right? Do you remember the scene where Jack used charcoal pencils to draw an nude coal picture of Rose as she laid on the sofa? I would like to draw you in a similar position. I hope it's okay for you if I look at you more closely without a dressing gown... i want to get an overview of your body proportions.", you say, looking me straight in the eye. I notice that you’re very concerned about my privacy and does not want to overstep any of my personal boundaries without my consent. I nod slightly at first until I get a clear yes over my lips. She looks at me silently for a few seconds before reassuring me once again that we can always stop at any time if I feel uncomfortable. Especially your patience and mindfulness of my boundaries shows me how important it is for you as well and how I actually relax noticeably. Y/N smiles cheerfully at me and I slowly loosen the belt of the dressing gown and let the last garment slide to the ground. I feel her in-depth look at me... he is not uncomfortable... only... exciting... in a few different ways.

I swallow again and lie down on the chaiselongue as instructed. You correct my arm and leg position, also rearrange all of the cushions correctly. To my own relief, you put a red cloth over my crotch area. Not that I am ashamed of anything, I am more than comfortable with you already... I just have some worries that I will get a visible problem if I constantly feel your look on my bare skin.

"It should be able to guess something, but not be allowed to see everything right away...", she whispered with a smile, before her fingertips unintentionally glide tenderly through my happy trail. One of your last smiles are... not really to interpret. Then you return to your easel.

* The Reader’s POV *

Carefully you sit down on your old painting stool, already quite worn out on the edges and stained with the most different types and tones of colors. It had originally been dark brown. You smile dreamily when you think back that you’re used to dangle your legs around when you were a little kid because it was way too big for you back then. For eighteen years now you have exactly this stool and this easel. They had been a gift from your grandfather for your fifth birthday. He had awakened the passion of painting and drawing in you and passed his talent on to you. A certain melancholy seized you when I thought back to how you used to paint your first real picture on canvas with your new easel in the old music room in your grandfather's country house.

It had been the old, dusty grand piano, which must have been more than a hundred years old at that time. How the country house survived all these wars unscathed, you ask yourself to this day. Perhaps there had already been something magical about it at that time, which should remain untouched. Perhaps the small estate should remain an inconspicuous symbol of hope, the hope that at some point the sun and peace will return when the unbearable suffering and sorrow of this cruel time is over. When the wars were over and all those seeking protection who had fled to this country house were able to return to their own homes again. This house, this estate you can explain your childhood with a single word. Home.

You lift your thought-lost look from your empty, folded hands and look to Jungkook. He takes your breath away every time you see him. He is so special, such a wonderful and yet you firmly believe that he has not been chosen for you, such an ordinary woman as you are. He would belong to someone else with whom he would be happy, although he is the only one who was able to understand and read your works, the language in them. It... it had been such a beautiful moment when, six months ago, he stood in your newly opened studio, so absorbed by the painting of the forest of your childhood. All the other visitors had only looked at it briefly and smiled wearily at the fact that it was again only a landscape painting, but did not grasp what the story behind this work was. Why the artist chosed this very motif, to see, to feel what the creator wanted to communicate through the work.

But Jungkook had been different. He had given the work, your personal heart, a chance to unravel the true meaning behind it. He did it slowly, bit by bit with his eyes... grasped with his whole mind and heart and finally let himself be influenced as a whole. You could tell from his body reactions that he felt exactly what you had felt when you painted it last summer. Longing. Infinite Longing. Mixed together with melancholy, a little homesickness and sorrow to a unique emotional color. The day you painted it was the last time you saw the house in your official possession. Your grandfather had left it to you. But unfortunately you lacked money, you had to pay some debts and with the best will you could not earn the money in other ways. So you had to sell it with a heavy heart. Your beloved birth and childhood home and the associated lands, you had to sell your true home away. The picture is the only thing left of it. And Jungkook was the only person who understood what you wanted to express with the painting. Longing. My Homesickness.

When all these sensations came upon him, he involuntarily clenched his hands tightly, his chest lifted and lowered quickly, his Adam's apple hopped repeatedly. His eyes were glassy. He experienced your longing as directly as you did. He... is so special. So infinitely amiable. He... he is the only person who’s able to read your true feelings in your works. He is able to read between your brush strokes.

So today you will try him... to paint a confession of love with this act. Maybe he could read... what you feel for him. Even if you know that you will probably never see him again. Because you would not be the recipient of his love and affection. He's just too... too... gifted for a simple artist like you. He would never be your gifted person.

Your gaze glides tenderly and caressingly over his body. Trying to absorb every little detail of his body, his charisma and his character into you and let it flow into the painting. Every birthmark you want to put on the canvas and hold on. You want to show Jungkook how beautiful he is. How godlike he lies before you on this majestic chaiselongue, how masculine and muscular he is, as if he wanted to embody an Adonis. You want to paint every muscle, even the smallest visible muscle, on the canvas in a realistic manner, you want to capture the strength and security that he conveys to you over and over again and make it visible to him. And yet... his gaze often corresponds to that of an intimidated, insecure fawn, which does not dare to want to get up on his legs on his own. The fear of falling again is too big. Through this painting you want to show Jungkook what he really is, what he represents for you and what you feel for him. He is... so contradictory. He is strong, godlike, powerful... and at the same time, so infinitely uncertain, vulnerable... almost pure.

Silence enters your little studio, only the regular breathing of the other and the muffled noise of the busy world outside the door could be heard. Here... here, it feels like time is standing still for a moment for the two of you. Your shared eternity had begun.

To your happiness that it is summer right now and it stays bright for a long time. Today you take more time than usual to mix colors. You want to mix a shade that perfectly matches his skin tone. You want to get the exact color of his black hair down onto the canvas, and the perfect brown for his beautiful eyes. The evening sun and the leaves of the huge treetops in front of the large window conjure up the most beautiful patterns on his immaculate body. A game of light and shadow. It seems to you that Jungkook's body, every single pore of his body has a tiny diamond, so that he begins to sparkle in the sunlight like an infinitely precious jewel. The evening sun warms him, lays a thin layer of sweat over his body. Every detail you try to bring to the canvas, every feeling, every movement of my heart, everything you feel for him, you want to bring to this canvas. You want to make him a masterpiece. Because for you, he is the most beautiful specimen, the only true crown of the human creation.

Some black strands have come loose from his manbun and have fallen on his forehead. It looks stunning, to see him like that. I had never seen him with a messy or even completely open hair... but even now these strands loosened from the braid make his facial features look so much softer and more relaxed. In it, the adult and strong man united with a young, vulnerable, shy boy. The result is... infinitely beautiful. He possesses both sides, so he makes the seemingly inexhaustible divine human being.

His eyes, drawing his eyes with that expression in them, cost you a lot of nerves. Too often you misunderstood this infinite longing that you find in his dark, brown eyes. Again and again you have to restrain yourself, not just to get up, to go over to him... and to kiss him.

This longing look you misinterpret is as longing as you own... according to your closeness, your touch, your affection... according to your love. Because you love him. You love everything about him, his sheepish laugh, the way of rubbing his neck shyly, the way he speaks and explains his point of views about things, how he smells... just everything... every blemish he blames on himself, you think it’s like an artwork on him. He is so perfectly imperfect that you just fell in love with him.

The sun has already set and only the last pink and purple streaks could be seen in the sky, with which the past day says goodbye to the world. One last time you can hear the velvety stroke of the brush over the canvas before you finally put the brush aside. It is finished. You have given everything that is in your power, used all of your artistic abilities and knowledge to the utmost and you have incorporated everything that you feel and think about into this artwork. And what you see put a smile on your lips, but also makes your pulse rise. What will Jungkook say when he looks at it? He will see it... can he read what you feel for him in it?

With a trembling voice, you call Jungkook and look at him one last time. The last time the sight of this male beauty was granted to you. One last time.

After Jungkook has wrapped himself in the dressing gown again, he slowly comes towards you and your easel. Your heart is throbbing as if it really wants to fearfully flight and jump out of your chest. Your body gets hot and cold at the same time and suddenly your hands get sweaty, the dried color on your skin mixes with the sweat to a uncomfortable mess in your palms, which somehow makes you even more nervous. Then he stands next to you. Looking at the canvas for the first time himself. The last brushstroke is still drying.

Once again there is silence, which makes you incredibly nervous and with every second that passes, you want to follow your instinct to escape. Jungkook's pupils are dilated and blown out, whether with bewilderment or horror, you can not recognize. One of his hands shoots up his mouth, he trembles all over his body. Suddenly you hear a suppressed, throaty sobbing. Surprised and a little appalled, you look at Jungkook, who has shut his eyes tightly and presses the palm of his hand even harder on his mouth, as if he wants to muffle every sound. Tears escape the corners of his eyes. This is a reaction... which you would not have expected...

Gently, mindful of any kind of resistance, you wrap your arms around his neck and hold him. He doesn't say anything, he doesn't sob, he doesn't whimper. He just cries. Tenderly, consolingly you hold him, without wanting to distress him. He literally presses his face into the crook of your neck. Salty tears drench your blouse, but it doesn't bother you. The reason why he had such an emotional outburst, you just don't understand. But still... it's okay. It is valid.

As he slowly calms down and his breathes becomes regularly again, he carefully lifts his head out of the crook of your neck and wipes the last tears out of his eyes dry in slight embarrassment. He slowly releases himself from your embrace until you finally stand silently in front of each other.

"What title you’ll give this artwork?", he asks softly, in a rough, throaty voice. You swallow . "It shall be called 'Der Geliebte'. ...it is german and translated it means... ‘The beloved’ ", you say barely audibly and lower your head. After this confession, you can no longer look him in the eyes.

Jungkook takes a sharp breath in and you're actually just waiting for a devastating response from him that would be like a death threat. But nothing of this happened. Instead, your chin is suddenly raised by his fingertips and you look into Jungkook's beautiful eyes. He bites his lower lip a little uncertainly,his own gaze falls on your pretty shaped lips.

"Do you... do you allow me to kiss you?", he asks quietly... barely audible for you even though you’re standing so close to each other. He doesn't dare to look you into the eyes after such a question, he is too afraid that you deny his request. But you can hardly believe your luck, a high pitched ‘yes!’ flew over your lips and before you can control yourself, you press your own lips right onto his. They are incredibly soft and kiss you back in such a delightfully and endearing insecure and shy manner as no other could ever have done it.

Your heart beats full of joy and bliss and in your belly, the butterflies fly somersaults of all different kinds that your whole body began to tingle. Your mind cannot get a grasp of all this yet, but this... you don't need any more of it at this moment anyway.

The kiss is tender, shy and somewhat uncertain from both sides. Jungkook is very insecure and shy, but before he can escape like a frightened deer again, you put your arms around his neck and let your hands rest in the nape of his scalp. Again and again you detach yourselves from each other only for the fraction of a second to get a breath of air into your lungs in order to find each other lips again... until you stopped for a few seconds.

"I like you... I like you really, really much, Jungkook... I even dare to say that I fell on love with you.", you mutter softly against his lips. His shy, happy smile was too much for you, so you immediately kiss him again. Perhaps because of the sheer joy and maybe of the certainty that he feels the same for you, the next kiss turns into something more passionate than before...

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book-o-scams · 3 years

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Ed, Edd n Eddy Series Bible (1996) -Analysis-

You can all finally read/download Ed, Edd n Eddy's official Series Bible right here! Thanks again to Chuckletons for sharing this with me and to Joey/Kongiscool0518 for sharing it in the first place, the Holy Grail of lost Ed, Edd n Eddy trivia!

One of the first posts I made for this blog was the Series Bible page. It was a composite of every source we had ever seen reference the series bible so far-- storyboarders in interviews, CN's old character guides, and the biggest source, an old CN UK posting about the show. Well, I figure now that we have the official source, I better update the old page (so everyone knows it's out of date), and make this new Series Bible post using the official source! Not much new information, but I was intrigued to finally learn the true phrasings of some things we had only heard paraphrased, as well as at least one detail from the movie that I couldn't believe came up this early in conception...

Unfortunately, Tumblr has apparently updated its post system to only let me add 10 images? Gonna try and only use images for what I need since you can read the actual document above, I guess I'll transcribe it too for easier reference and so we don't ever lose some archive of this.

Quickly, let's review what a series bible is:

A series bible is how creators pitch shows to networks. They can be called “pitch bibles” as well. Bibles do not usually get posted publicly, because they are initially under a strict Non-Disclosure Agreement by the network; also the creator may simply not wish to share it because it reflects the earliest stages of development.

The pitch materials typically include early concepts for characters, locations and episodes. Sometimes it exposes secrets, in this case, Ed and Eddy’s home lives, and sometimes the stuff in it is completely abandoned because it’s so early in production, in this case, casual references to school and adults.

Alright, everybody, it's time to gather 'round and read the Ed, Edd n Eddy Bible!

THE YEAR IS 1996.

YOUR NAME IS LINDA SIMENSKY. YOU WORK AT CARTOON NETWORK. A FRIEND OF YOURS, DANNY ANTONUCCI, IS WRAPPING UP A SHOW ON MTV. YOU GET THIS FAX.

Linda Simensky immediately fell in love with this concept because as a child, she was best friends with 2 other Lindas for seemingly no reason other than the shared name.

I love how Danny decided last second to pencil in the correct names over each Ed, since they're arranged out of title-order.

"They're friends because they have the same name."

-the Logline for the series.

Fun fact: one storyboard artist for the movie observed that the movie is essentially all about challenging the series' original notion that the Eds are friends ONLY because of their name.

"A Danny Antonucci Cartuna"

-the label Danny used to use under announcements of new productions.

PAGE 1:

Ed, Edd n Eddy

They're best friends because they have the same name.

A gag laden, beat generated CARTOON bumper car ride of 3 misfit youths on a cul-de-sac in the suburbs of America.

Through summer vacation, part-time jobs, or just hang'n out at the corner mail box, they want to belong....but CAN'T.

From home chores, helping neighbors or eating jaw breakers, they want to fit in...but CAN'T.

Ed is into "B" monster movies, model kits and is quick to break out into rashes.

Lots of luck...

Edd is into chemistry, biology and prone to crushes.

Later...

Eddy is into pranks, is stylish and flaunts himself to the world.

Ya Right...

Ed, Edd n Eddy is a show about confusion and contradiction, that awkward part of youth, pimples, big feet, oily hair and... girls???.

Puberty is unforgiving.

I was fascinated by the lack of art on this page, it makes the pitch feel very focused. AKA logo in the corner, the title logo again up top, then the logline appears again below.

I really love the breakdown of Danny's vision of the show. "Gag-laden, beat-generated, CARTOON bumper ride." Very accurate, and I think "beat-generated" is the phrase that interests me the most. I typically think of "animation beats" as sort of a give-in-- technically all things fit a rhythm, so all stories are essentially just a montage of beats. But this does make me realize how important the strength of the beats and their rhythm are to the pacing of a cartoon and making you feel like "that was a good one." I feel like the "seasonal rot" viewers feel over the course of a show, and the way that perception differs from person to person, depends on the type of beats you want. Even though I am very into the experimental beats of a show in its later seasons, I can definitely see how season 1's beats are more typically appealing to a wide-audience, and how important a focus on that is to the longevity of a show.

I found it really interesting how the scams are initially conceived of here as "summer jobs." It adds to the sense that adults were originally meant to be present. Honestly a little surprised nobody with access to this bible had ever thought to mention that-- scams are not referenced ANYWHERE. Their image in the Series Bible is that they have summer jobs and help neighbors, which is certainly a much cleaner reputation than the Eds ended up with in the show. Makes me realize though, were some of the early scams, like Ed's Hive Bee Gone and their newspaper routes, supposed to be leaning into this early idea of them with almost legit jobs for unseen adults?

I was very amused by the repeated phrase that the Eds simply CAN'T fit in.

Loved to finally see the official phrasing for the confirmation that Peach Creek is in America. Not much different than I was led to believe, but still nice to have the true quote.

Also love Eddy being described as "stylish and flaunting himself to the world." The bold-print reactions to each micro-description is a cute idea too, I truly wonder who we were meant to picture saying those things in reaction. Each Ed? Kevin?

The "corner mail box" is an oddly specific phrase-- the Eds do hang around mailboxes throughout the series, especially seasons 1-3, and I believe the canon map does have a corner mailbox, but the idea that the Eds hang out at one specific mailbox went the way of Bro's supposed secret treehouses.

PAGE 2:

Ed, Edd n Eddy

Show Description

Gag laden. True cartoon style, inventive, non parody, fast paced, stretch and squash

Beat driven. (even when characters stop they hold with a bounce cycle. Adults never bounce. Music can play important part, not just fill.) But not a musical.

Cartoon surrealism. (viewers see the show as Ed, Edd n Eddy would, less important things tend to blend into the background, while objects of Ed, Edd n Eddy's desires are focused. Premise driven.)

The school year's over, (yeah!!!!) and the long HOT summer vacation begins (gulp). What to do?

Stuck on a cul-de-sac in the suburbs of America is the last place you want to spend summer break, especially when you find life confusing and contradicting.

Ed, Edd n Eddy is about friendship, and serves to remind us that they're no "good ole days," just smelly runners.

You can tackle anything, when your with your pals.

Their days are spent, for knowledge, acceptance and some cash for jaw breakers. Armed with pimples, big feet and oily hair the three amigos trek into the unknown.

Ed, Edd n Eddy are dying to be grown-ups, but they're kids, and attack adulthood as only kids would. Simple situations turn into a manic rollercoaster ride. (Don't forget your barf bag).

They just want to belong, and they're willing to pull off any insane stunt to prove it. First they need to figure out what it is they want to belong to.

Found it interesting that on this page, the show's logo is replaced with the title written in a jumbled font. Seems like the font from the show's end credits.

Hehe, the continued reactions to the descriptions. Allow me to be Double D for a moment and point out the increased use of parentheticals on this page, as well as one wrong "your".

I love Danny's insight that season 1 is framed by the context of how hyped everyone still is just to be out of school, but also the sense of pressure to make use of their break.

I really appreciate Danny getting further into the details of his summary of the show's style on the previous page. It only makes sense that he had this much of a vision that early.

A second confirmation of the cul-de-sac being in America! I'm also really into the repeated focus on the Eds finding the world "contradicting." I always loved how EEnE's inexplicable cartoon antics supported that sense that the Eds are highly aware of contradictions in both societal things and the actual characters.

WOW, so I'm fascinated by this dual reveal. Before the wiggling outlines, which Danny usually calls a "boiling line" and describes as a tribute to wiggling inking in early animation, the series bible instead refers to him wanting the characters to do the iconic Fleischer "bounce," which is a much more commonly recognized rubberhose animation technique. Very interesting that Danny decided not to stick to that. Did it feel too out of place? Or was the overseas team not willing to animate a weight-shifting for every single held pose? Haha, guess I can see why boiling was an easier compromise. I wonder if he had any other ideas for how to make it more of a 1930s cartoon.

The other reveal to me here is that the movie's choice, that adults don't always wiggle in the show, was an idea from the very beginning! I guess I can better understand now why it's just too difficult to communicate a stylistic choice like that overseas-- no point making Bro not wiggle, that'd just create confusion.

Also, really disappointed that my wish for a musical is officially squashed in the series bible itself. That's a tragedy. The show's over, ya couldn't let me dream, Danny!? Conversely, I love Danny's forethought to say "non parody," I definitely noticed and appreciated EEnE's avoidance of derivative parody humor.

My spouse had to point out to me that Danny probably means sneakers here, lol. Canadianisms!

The comments about the Eds wanting to grow up but needing to figure out what they want to belong to are so great and relate to the movie so well. I've heard those comments before, but the correct phrasing was cool to see.

PAGE 3:

Ed, Edd n Eddy (image of Ed in right corner)

Character Description

Attention deficiency syndrome.

He has trouble...

He can't....um...

OK, he draws all day in class.

When Eddy gets a bright idea...Ed's in.

Ed is easily talked into doing Eddy's "hard work". He has great physical strength.

Ed's happiest with his Model kits and B-monster movies. He draws his knowledge from his movies.

Ed smells. Flies are attracted to him.

Ed has sayings for all situations

ED: "you can change your shirt, and Bingo was his name..."

Ed's perpetually a slave to his younger sister's whims and whines.

Ed may have to baby-sit his sister, or let her watch whatever she wants on TV, or let her dress him up in mom's clothes.

Ed breaks out in Rashes. He's allergic to practically everything, especially Guinea Pigs.

Ed's Mom xerox's his sketches and doodles for her therapist.

Ed's Dad hopes to pass on to his son, his knowledge on "pre-owned" auto sales.

Very cute bit wasting the space at the top of the page. Danny seems very invested in Ed's personality already. The old sources we used to have definitely tried to condense these down to simpler blurbs.

Weird how Danny wants to essentially diagnose Ed with ADHD here (phrasing it very poorly, but it was the 90s and... Canada?). I don't know enough on the subject to debate it, but I still gotta point out Ed's canonical cracked skull!

Interested in the comment about Ed being most allergic to Guinea Pigs. I don't think that animal was ever even mentioned in the show. Eddy mentioned an old gerbil once....

Neat to finally have the real phrasing of the official word on Ed's parents! I saw someone comment earlier that this seems to be hinting Ed's Dad is selling stolen cars. I've never thought to question the legality of his apparent second-hand-car dealership (I imagined he works with Eddy's dad, who has received a legitimate award for his salesmanship), but those quotation marks are certainly making Mr. Ed's practices questionable! Best case scenario, Danny meant that more like italics or something, but maybe Ed's dad IS up to no good...

PAGES 4 & 5 (Ed's turn sheet and expression sheet)

PAGE 6:

Ed, Edd n Eddy (image of Edd in right corner)

Character Description

Edd

is really smart.

is really quiet.

Edd is unnaturally-- polite.

Edd hasn't been allowed to take gym ever since the Dodge ball incident. He's been excused to free study time in the library.

Edd doesn't like it when people touch his things.

EDD: "You may enter in my room, but don't touch my Lego robot. Thank you."

Edd's learning to play Peddle steel guitar. (his Mom makes him)

Edd's prone to "crushes". Girls in School, in his neighborhood, TV, anatomy books. He mails "true loves" his socks.

Edd is always ready for action, even though he can calculate the implications.

Edd constantly mumbles.

No one ever sees Edd's parents. They both work nights. They communicate to their son solely through Post-it notes. Edd's not allowed to touch anything in the house while they're gone. Anything.

Interesting how Danny slightly differentiates the barely-used space at the top here from Ed's description, to characterize Edd as more quiet and mumbly, adding an awkward "--" mid-sentence, perhaps to create the impression that Edd halts to choose words carefully.

Everything on this page feels familiar, from the character guides and other old sources. The most interesting thing to me here is that Edd's Mom forcing him to practice Pedal Steel Guitar is established this early, don't think I knew that, but I had noticed that it existed in his room from ep 1.

I love how the explanation in the beginning for why Edd goes along with their dumb schemes even though he's smart is basically just "he's always ready for action." ?!? I guess in a way???

That weirdly phrased Edd quote amuses me because it references Lego, just like the original concept background for his room before somebody nixed the copyright-namedrop.

Edd's prone to crushes thing has been reaffirmed over and over in character bios even though it really doesn't come up outside of the cupid magic in HPH and the pilot-episode heart eyes at Sarah that are barely canon. Still, I've always loved the truly disturbing statement that he mails "his true loves his socks" and how that managed to make it into canon with a comic book example, a cel animation example and a digital era example.

PAGES 7 & 8 (Edd's turn sheet and expression sheet)

PAGE 9:

Ed, Edd n Eddy (image of Eddy in right corner)

Character Description

Eddy

Exhibitionist.

Megalomaniac. (quote from his report card)

Eddy is the unofficial leader of the trio.

He's always got a plan, a stunt or a weird noise.

Eddy's the "class clown". He loves showing off. He loves being the centre of attention-- no matter how stupid the reason is.

Eddy is the only kid in his grade to have been expelled for aw hole week from school. It was his turn to set up the video for science class. He switched "Our Friend Yeast", for a video he "borrowed" from his parent's room.

Before Eddy's brother went....away, he enlightened Eddy with the "legends" of the neighbourhood. Eddy knows where all the abandoned tree houses are, which sewer pipers are safe to spelunk, and the secret recipe for the "El Mongo Stink Bomb" (it's been in the family for years).

He is the one who is most able to pretend that he knows it all... and doesn't care what anyone else thinks about him.

His genes are working the fastest.

Eddy's Dad is constantly concerned that Eddy may grow up to be a ...figure skater.

Eddy's Mom never believes his little darling was involved in such a heinous act.

Funny choice that Eddy's wasted-top-space is just two one-word descriptions, and allegedly lazily swiped from his negative report card.

Wow, we knew the report card quote and the "Our Friend Yeast" story from the UK show guide, but now we also know Ed's page says that Ed draws in class, and now I realize that Ed and Eddy have series bible school blurbs to match Edd's classic dodgeball incident blurb. Anyway, it's great that Eddy's showed his entire school some sort of sex video his parents have.

Very interested that the phrasing for the Bro/El Mongo Stink Bomb blurb even seems to suggest it's a family recipe. Eddy's Dad did have prankster stuff in his closet in JJJ... did Bro learn his prankster ways from Dad?? The neighborhood's secret tree houses have come up in other descriptions (at best, I'd say this could be related to that creepy shack the Eds found in the woods), but I think it's new info that Eddy personally learned the sewer routes from Bro. Interesting...

Thankfully, I had already heard about the Bible's awkward reference to Eddy being the most pubescent as "his genes are working the fastest," lmao.

Once again the Double D in me comes out to point out that the description of Eddy's Mom seems to switch to the Dad's pronouns.

PAGES 10 & 11 (Eddy's turn sheet and expression sheet)

PAGES 12-14 (Sarah, Jimmy, Rolf, Jonny, Nazz, and Kevin lineup of all 6, then 2 zoomed in lineups of the first 3 kids and last 3 kids)

(Funfact: the kids' designs were allegedly freelanced to an outside studio, hence why their refined later-season designs are so different from these lizardy starting places, lmao)

PAGE 15: (images of Sarah and Jimmy next to their blurbs)

SARAH

Ed's baby Sister.

It's her way or the Highway.

She has everything done for her, if NOT she'll "make" them do it.

She can be quick to judge.

Whinney.

A tatrum for every occasion.

More than a handful for Ed...or Edd and Eddy.

Thinks Edd is kinda cute.

Wants Eddy to MOVE...to another planet.

JIMMY

Sarah's best friend

He is always playing with girls, boys are just too tough.

He is accident prone, when ever we see him he has a different affliction, ie: band-aids, patches, casts, lumps...etc.

He is very clean.

The Ed's frighten him, "They're such brutes".

I'm surprised how much of the UK guide was accurate to what was really in the bible for them! Also surprised Danny misspelled "whiney" and "tantrum," one right after the other. Is this how Sarah spells them? ...Sorry, Danny, I yam what I yam.

PAGE 16: (images of Rolf and Jonny next to their blurbs)

ROLF

First generation of a landed immigrant family.

Nationality not important.

He's proud of his heritage.

He has peculiar traditions and/or customs.

He eats "weird" things.

He has hair on his back..... "yuck".

He confuses the Ed's to no end.

He confuses the other kids to no end.

JONNY 2x4

He is a wanderer and very inquisitive

From early morning to supper time, he is always outside playing, with his buddy, "Plank".

"Plank" is a wooden board that Jonny drew a face on with a crayon.

Jonny has wonderful conversations with Plank. ...Plank is a piece of wood.

Jonny makes himself very "accessible" to the Ed's.

Found it interesting that Rolf's bio is less clearly phrased than the UK bio set it up to be-- there they made it sound more like he mixes up who the Eds/kids are, here it's unclear whether it means that or (more likely) just means the obvious statement that everyone finds him confusing. If it's that, what a lame hollow bio Rolf got. This kid's based on you Danny, show some of that personal side!

Always loved Jonny's description, his life sounds so cute. Playing outside literally all day. Interesting to have it confirmed that Jonny drew Plank's face, I preferred to think the Eds drew him and sold him to Jonny, but whatever.

"Accessible" has always been an important vague description of Jonny to me. It really only applies to how chummy they could be with him in season 1, but it still sorta applies to his personality throughout the series as well.

PAGE 17: (images of Nazz and Kevin next to their blurbs)

NAZZ

She's cool, calm and assertive.

She is the most matured of the kids, or so she thinks.

She's into make-up and fashion magazines and Boys.

Sarah thinks she's awesome, wants to be just like her when she grows up.

When she enters a scene, all activity stops... boys freeze, they sweat, their hearts beat faster and faster. They lose their ability to talk. When she leaves, they recover and conclude it was something They ate.

She thinks the Ed's are funny.

KEVIN

He is cynical and sarcastic.

He thinks he knows the "routine". That's because he watches "60 Minutes".

It got a big laugh out of me that Kevin's description is only 2 sentences long. Nazz even has a more detailed character description from inception than Kevin. Love this for them.

Who's the Eds' rival? Well, he's cynical, sarcastic and he watches 60 Minutes, doesn't that tell you enough!?

I love the "mature... or so she thinks" remark about Nazz, a grounded flaw for her to have, being a little overcommitted to being mature like Eddy. It also perhaps suggests naiveté that makes it a little more reasonable that they didn't notice they were dumbing her down at the end of the series, but I do think the movie version of her better reflects the Bible's concept.

PAGE 18:

The Other Neighborhood Kids

Lineup of May, Lee and Marie.

The Kanker Sisters

These gals are tough. They bother, bully, provoke and bewilder everyone.

They live in a motor home park on the other side of the Cul-de-sac. The other kids have never been there.

They are proud of their Tammy Faye Baker memorabilia.

Their project "Cooking with Ketchup" closed down their school for a whole week.

No one likes them, especially the Eds.

They are determined to marry the Eds. They want them to do their dishes.

Amused that the Kankers are essentially being labeled backgrounds characters here, the role they mostly fell into in season 5. "Other" neighborhood kids...

I love that the Kankers have a school blurb to match each of the Eds', and that theirs has similar destructive-intentions to Eddy's video premiere story.

I believe all of this was all known from the UK guide as well, but still, neat stuff!

PAGES 19 & 20 (zoomed in Kanker lineup and their height chart with the Eds)

PAGES 21 & 22 (early promo art that used to be on CN's old Eds webpage, the art of the Eds eating jawbreakers at the end of ep 1 with the overhead text "Ed, Edd n Eddy love JAWBREAKERS!!!", and the art of the Eds all running with overhead text "Ed, Edd n Eddy see something shiny...."Jiggers." That weird "jiggers" statement at the end was normally edited out and I don't know what it means. Looked it up and it seems to be Chinook jargon (like when Ed said he was "skookum at X's and O's") usually said in the same sense as "CHEESE IT!")

PAGES 23+:

The rest of the pages in that bible download are from a 2004 storyboard test. The storyboard sample "It's Raining Eds," which we've seen some submitted samples of before, interpretations with Ed attempting to fly or chew gum and Edd making radioactive gum, I was surprised to find out the outline is just the original outline for the opening sequence to season 3's 'For Your Eds Only', seemingly Jonny was not written into the original outline (or was excised for easier testing purposes) but Kevin's brief cameo was. Now I wonder if they knew this would be used for a test when they wrote it, and if they would've come up with a less random way to include him if weren't forced to be a concise bit for testing's sake. (Your limit is typically 40 storyboard pages in my experience.)

I also noticed that in the included background references, the anonymous adult neighbor house next door to Ed's is officially just referred to as a "generic house."

My analysis ends here, but be sure to download that sometime and enjoy all the raw storyboard sketches at the end of the document!

#ed edd n eddy #series bible #aka cartoon inc #aka cartoon #discovery #eene news

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daisydezem · 3 years

Text

Hi everyone,

So this is where I tell you all about why I was gone for such a long time. And to be honest I'm kinda scared to. But I hate taboos and want to break any of them when I can. And I believe people should be the way they are without anyone telling them otherwise. Scary or not, stand tall in who you are, what you believe and what your goals are. This is all very personal and not everything is minor friendly subjects. So just a heads up.

Let me first give you all some personal information about my irl life. As you all can see I'm 31. Around 12 years ago I met someone I really liked, we dated a bit but it didn't stick. 2 years later so 10 years ago we met up again and well I kinda never left his house again. I call him my hubby but we never got married. Because I don't want to get married, ever. I don't believe in the one. Even back then I never got butterflies but felt a intense love. We are totally different, don't see things the same way and can argue about everything. Sounds like a mismatch, I know, but that's not the case. We both need a lot of alone time. Even when we are together. He plays his game and I play mine. It works so so well. No I don't wanna go shopping with you because it's raceweek (f1) but when I get something to drink I'll bring you some with some snacks to it as well. One thing we always love together is, uhm well bedroom activities, to say it in a family friendly manner. It's a very important thing to me. And well as result we have been blessed with our son to make it all complete. He is almost 7 now. I still can't believe it.

But 10 years together is a lot, you get into a routine. I mean, I like routine, don't get me wrong. Means you got a good, comfortable thing going on. Safe, secure and all the good things. But in the mean time eyes still see, temptations are there but you made a promise so you don't act on those. But what if things could be different? Is what I had in my mind for a long time. Every time I got into a relationship even before my hubby (I know not married but still haha) I always thought why?

Then one day at work someone came up to me. Flirting, hitting on me and well I liked it. Didn't do anything and told him I got someone. But it made me question my whole life. Not because I liked or fallen in love with him, never seen that guy again as well, but because of the situation. Why would I have to say no to letting more people in my life?

Not only that but as the years go on and you get to know each other better and better... also in well bedroom activities, we noticed that our well uhm exploring interests were on a different path. With that said we still both have so much fun together with it. But just when going into what really tickles our fantasies it was not something we can share together without making the other in one way or the other uncomfortable. Not saying we didn't tried but just knowing each other well enough to know it wouldn't make it fun but played for the other. So it stayed with just fantasies.

Now the part about why I was gone...

I went to my hubby and asked him very carefully: how would you feel about us opening our relationship up to others? To be honest it was scary to ask. We never had a conversation about it before. My hands were sweaty and my heart was just going crazy. I could have just ruined everything. What if this what if that. All scenarios went through my mind. And he said: I don't know, let me think about it. We talked about it some more and well the idea of the fantasies that can become real like this made him go ahead with it.

We have a open relationship now... what next? Dating apps, flirting, texting.... stuff happening. And as a woman, we get to pick and choose. Men on the other hand are lucky if someone even responds. Then someone found me and had a normal text. And we hit it off. After 2 weeks or so I gave him my number and continued to chat thst way. He wanted to try the same things I was looking for. So after awhile we decided to meet up. Just a casual thing. And keep in mind, hubby knows everything because the ground rule is open, honest and transparency. He also went on some dates and had fun.

But is guy, when I was there... something just clicked. I felt it in my heart. I have room for more people in my heart, I always known. I love love love my hubby. I never want to leave him because he is my endgame. I want to do wheelchair races with him when I'm old... but I also felt a intense love for the guy I met up with. It was scary. And soon he wasn't just a guy I met up with once. We saw each other more often and he asked if he could be my boyfriend. He knows about my family and never wants to get in between us. So he would back up if needed but he also felt this love.

This wasn't only scary for me but also for my hubby. Seeing your loved one, loving someone else... its weird and so so scary. And well he freaked out. And we put a stop to it. But I... I realised something. I couldn't go back. I want to love more. I want to let people in my heart. I want to love more then just one person. So I realised I am polyamory...

Polyamory is a term under the ENM umbrella to describe the capability or desire to be in a relationship with more than one individual at once. Polyamorous can be used both as a description of a relationship with more than two individuals and as description of individuals who desire such relationships.

So once I knew, my hubby and me talked so so so much... and him being the awesome man he is, he still wanted me to be me. Can you see why I love him so so much? I could never let him go. But we needed to approach it differently. Slower... to let him get used to it. And so we did.

Back to now... now instead of having a open relationship, we are having a hierarchical polyamory. In which my hubby is my primary because well we have a family, a house to pay off, 10 years of history. And now enriched my life with my boyfriend. He is at the moment what is called secondary (tbh I don't like the wording because it makes it feel like it's less) but that's mainly because be lives 2 hours drive away, in a different country as well. So it's not easy to see each other on a daily basis.

We're still working out how everything works and it takes a lot of energy. And this is a lot what I wrote but really still not everything. Opening your heart is scary, you are vulnerable and don't know if it will make you happier or sad. Or both. But I believe its worth it.

So well this is it... why I was gone for so long. Sorry it turned out to be such a long post. I even shortened it a bit already. But yeah... if you have questions or comments about it all, don't shy away to ask or say them. I want it to be a open thing with no taboo. Also feel free just to dm me if you want. Now let me stop rambling haha. Thank you all for giving me a place to return to and making me feel safe enough to open up like this.

Kusje en liefde kisses and love

-Daisy

#personal #polyam #why i was gone

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nashibirne · 3 years

Text

Painkiller -4

Here we go again. The date was a disaster and in chapter 4 Henry and Ella deal with their feelings and get some advice, even if they don't want to. I hope you enjoy it - likes, reblogs and comments are much appreciated, so feel free to let me know what you think!

Paring: Henry Cavill x OFC (Ella) Summary: What do you do after a disastrous date? You get unasked advice from your brother and your friends. Warnings: slight angst, that's it Unbeta'ed! English ist not my first language, so sorry in advance for mistakes in grammar or spelling. Credits: The pics for the moodboard are from pintrest, except Jax's pic, that one is from a screenshot from an app (moments - choose your story). If I violate any copyright, please let me know.

Previous parts can be found here: Nashi's Masterlist

Taglist: @hell1129-blog @lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @willkatfanfromasia @mis-lil-red @agniavateira @omgkatinka @legendarywizarddetective @summersong69 @taebfada @xxxkatxo (let me know if you want to be added or removed!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night when Henry was back in Kensington, sitting on the couch in his living room, having a glass of whiskey, he couldn't stop his thoughts from running through the night's events again and again. He was disappointed, he was angry, he was sad - he simply felt terrible. Kal was lying beside him, his big head resting on Henry's lap, enjoying a bit of tender love and care.

When his phone beeped, his heart skipped a beat.

Ella?

He took a look at the screen and closed his eyes with a sigh. Charlie. His brother knew Henry had a date tonight and now he was trying to tease him.

"Hey, supes...how's your date going. Already saved the damsel in distress? Holding her in your arms rn?"

Henry considered ignoring the message but he decided to answer anyway.

"Nope. Back in my fortress of solitude. With empty arms."

His phone started ringing only seconds after he'd sent the message.

"Hi Charlie." Henry greeted his brother not too enthusiastically.

"Hey, Hen. What's up? You're already back from your date?"

"Yeah...."

"You don't sound so good. What happened?"

"I fucked it up, Charlie. That's what happened." Henry pinched the spot at the root of his nose with his thumb and middle finger. He felt a bad headache coming. He was going to need a painkiller.

"She turned you down?"

His little brother sounded much too amused for Henry's taste.

"Well, we had kind of a Daenerys-Ser-Jorah-moment..."

"Ouch...she friendzoned you?"

"Yep."

Charlie laughed.

"I can hardly believe it. But good to know even you can't have every woman you want. I mean normally they jump you before you can count to three."

"Oh shut up. That's not funny." Henry snapped, his voice loud and sharp.

"Okay, okay...I'm sorry brother. No need to get mad."

"But I am mad. Mad at myself."

"Why. What did you do?"

"I didn't listen to my intuition." Henry said with a deep sigh of exhaustion and disappointment. "You know when I asked Ella out and she agreed my gut feeling told me to take her to a simple Italian restaurant, nothing trendy, nothing too expensive. Just a normal place for a normal date. She even suggested going out in Uxbridge because she knows some nice restaurants in her neighbourhood. But my ego knew better. It was like...make this date different. Take her to a place ordinary guys don't have access to. Let her see how special you are and what you have to offer...and my intuition was beaten."

"You wanted to show off to her" Charlie stated the problem in one sentence.

"Yeah. I wanted to impress her. Of course I chose the Aston Martin and not the Audi or the Tesla. And I took her to "Gianni's"..."

"Oohh...Fort Knox..."

"Exactly. The food was great, she loved it, but she was intimidated by the atmosphere and the exclusivity. She was tense and felt uncomfortable and our conversation was dragging and uneasy. It didn't help much that I made a fool of myself, trying to make her loosen up. On set the director would have stopped me for overacting. And I don't know what happened when she went to the toilet but when she came back she was pretty jazzed and somehow distressed.

And now she thinks our lives are too different, that she doesn't fit into my world and that we're better off as friends. Oh and she mentioned not being completely over her ex but that was probably an excuse to make me feel better. To put it in a nutshell, I was bragging and it totally backfired"

"But why? Bragging is not much like you."

"Honestly? I don't know. There's just something about her that puts me off. And that's crazy because she is really down-to-earth, humble and nice. I'm sure she's not the kind of woman that's impressed by status symbols, money or fame. I knew that the minute I met her. But I have this irrational need to show her what I've got. Maybe it's because I subconsciously think that all that's left when I show her the real Henry, without all the luxurious and impressive extras, is an ordinary, average, nerdy bore."

"You can hardly call it subconscious when you can name the core problem so accurately." Charlie threw in.

"Shut up, smartass. That's not the point."

"No, it's not. The point is that somewhere underneath all these muscles and this superman aura you're still the insecure teen, who always had the feeling to be not good or cool or attractive enough."

"Oh come on, Doctor Freud. Don't try to analyze me."

"There's not much to analyze, Henry." Charlie sounded serious now. "You have this tendency to feel bad for who you really are. An ordinary guy who likes pc games, books, animals and sports. But that's not nerdy, it's perfectly normal. You're a home loving man in his late thirties who prefers a netflix marathon to a wild night out. That's not boring, it's what millions of people our age do. But it collides with your public image, with your looks and the characters you portray, so you play this role when you date women and they're attracted by the man you pretend to be, by all the glamour, money and VIP stuff and when you can't live up to their expectations when a relationship evolves it doesn't work and they leave or you leave or whatever."

"Are you done with your psychological profile?" Henry was annoyed and Charlie could almost hear him rolling his eyes.

"Not yet. What your little brother is trying to tell you is the following. When you're not showing your true self you attract the kind of women you actually don't really want and who don't really want you. Physically maybe but not for the real thing. So the fact that Ella doesn't want your jet-set self, that she doesn't like all the glitter and gold, shows that she's perfect for you. For the real Henry. Got it?"

"I don't know. Sounds a little complicated to me. But even if you were right. The damage is done. She just wants me as a friend."

"Then be a friend. Spend time with her, talk to her, show her your world outside the biz and when she gets to know you better she'll realize that you're not a poser and maybe there'll be a second chance someday."

"Mmhhh..."

"That's all you have to say?"

"I'll think about it, Charlie."

"Good. Maybe, just for once, you listen to your annoying little brother."

"Yeah...maybe."

*****

Jackson took a big bite of his slice of pizza looking at Ella with a frown. Ella had invited him and Katie for a crisis meeting at her place and they had shown up with lunch exactly after Ella's taste: Pizza and donuts. Ella had put them in the picture about last night and now they were discussing the events.

"But I don't understand why you're not willing to go out with him on another date. Why not give him a second chance?"

"Why would I? This one date was enough to tell that I don't fit into his world."

"You're just scared, he's really 10 inch." Jackson teased with a lewd expression and Katie started to giggle.

Ella made a face at him but she couldn't help but grin. "Why would I be scared? Have you seen your brother naked lately." She asked with raised eyebrows and a smirk.

"Eww...Elsie...gross" Jackson made a puking noise.

"You started it..." She gave him a friendly nudge.

"Guys..." Katie laughed. "Back on topic, okay? I understand Ella, Jax. Maybe his lifestyle really isn't what Ella's looking for in a man."

"You can hardly judge his lifestyle after one date. Maybe he tried to impress her and went a little over the top. And Ella, I'm not saying I know the guy but what I've seen of him on set was all humble, decent and very friendly. No signs of airs and graces, no extravagance.

"Yeah, maybe. But it's not just the car and the restaurant and his VIP friends or his job. I really think it's too early. I'm not ready for something new...after Craig." Ella nibbled a donut, shaking her head before giving Jax a shrug.

"That's bullshit, Elsie, and you know it." Jackson replied, his tone pretty annoyed. "You had zero problems fucking my brother only two months after the break up. And now you're trying to tell me you're not ready to date after one year? He wasn't asking you to marry him. He was asking for a second date. You have to be open minded if you want to move on"

"Oh, stop lecturing me, Jax. That's not what I need right now." Ella got up from her chair with an angry snort. "I need to pee." She left the room and slammed the door behind her.

Jackson took a deep breath and rolled his eyes.

Katie turned to him with a soft smile. "We both know you're right about Craig but don't be so hard on her."

"I'm not hard on her, Katie. She's hard on herself. Why does she make such a fuss about a little swagger? He tried to impress her, so what? Isn't that kind of a compliment that he tried so hard? Truth is...she's scared to be not good enough for him...that's all. Elsie thinks she has to be glamorous and extravagant to fit into his world. She feels not special enough, not beautiful enough, too average or whatever strange fantasies are running around on her mind. She is afraid that he loses interest soon but instead of taking a risk she chickens out and just wants to be friends with him."

"Maybe it's for the best...A bird in the hand...you know. I don't want her to get hurt…"

"No, Katie. You didn't see them at the party. There was this chemistry between them...it was incredible. Like in a movie, you could almost see the sparks and little hearts fly from their eyes. They're meant for each other. As lovers, not as friends." Jackson let out a sigh. He sounded just as frustrated as helpless.

"Yeah...I thought so, when she told me about it. The way she talked about him, with so much enthusiasm, it was remarkable. But Ella doesn't see it that way. Or she doesn't want to." Katie shrugged. "You know how stubborn she is. And how much a cerebral person. Reason tells her that he's out of her league and that his world is too different from hers, from ours. She won't let us tell her otherwise. So just let them be friends and if you're right, if they're made for each other, destiny will find its way."

Katie patted Jackson's knee giving him a comforting smile.

"Yeah. Or maybe she wastes the chance of finding the love of her life and ends up on her own..."

"That's not our responsibility, Jax."

"What's not your responsibility?" Ella asked, entering the room, obviously in a better mood again. It was typical for her. Close to throwing a tantrum the one minute and back to cool, calm and collected the other. Her temper was unpredictable sometimes.

"Your happiness." Jackson replied, giving her an apologetic smile. "I didn't mean to lecture you, Elsie. I'm just trying to help."

"I know, doofus. And I didn't mean to snap. It's just...let me handle this my way, okay?"

"Okay, at your own risk." Jackson got up and hugged her.

"At my own risk." Ella mumbled into his chest.

~~~~~

tbc

#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfiction #cavillry #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill x ofc #friends to lovers

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its5amandimbored · 3 years

Text

Part two of my fowl twins memes/review/reaction Ok so I reread all the artemis fowl books and made memes on them which you can find down here (I'll be keeping the fowl twins stuff in there too, just to keep everything together)

Artemis fowl memes

I basically decided to blindly read the fowl twins and react to it and talk about while also sprinkling in some memes

Find the first part here

Also you probably shouldn't see this until you've read the book or be prepared for spoilers. Fair warning.

I will say I think myles is much more immature then artemis. He's trying way to hard to be "adult" and that's a very childish trait. Artemis was like that due to trauma. He was forced as a child to refer to his dad as "father" and be professional, even setting up appointments via email to see his father and have "buisness meetings" when he was 10. He had to greet his father with a formal, firm handshake. And he wore a suit after his father was proclaimed missing assumed dead, due to the trauma of loosing his father and having been brainwashed by his father that he was to be the "man of the house" and take charge and be in control of the finances and the manor. He stole the lemur and even kidnapped holly due to the last words his father ever told him was talking about how he had to save the family and make sure they're money didn't go. He had to watch his family's money go down until they didn't even have enough to pay for any staff including butler (which by the way it is mentioned butler continues to be with artemis without pay for a bit and I'm telling you he doesn't see that as a job. He was going to take care of that child money or no money) and watch his mother go into insanity along with deal with his father being probably dead. That stuff changed him. He was always a genius but his childhood how he was raised and what happened is what made him into the suit wearing, mature, almost adult like, person we see in the books. He was forced to grow up. He doesnt act like this because he doesn't want to be childish hell we even see him in the 6th book wishing he could've had a normal childhood and had, had the chance to be childish.

But myles wears a suit just to copy his brother and disregards childish things just because. There's really no reason other then he believes genius=adult. He seems very immature and very childish. This is one of the reasons I wanted to see artemis in the books. Wouldn't it be fascinating to see him talk to his brother in the second or third book and explain to him why what he was doing was childish. And why myles had to learn to grow up and embrace who he is and what he likes instead of just acting like what he thought was the "proper adult" myles even tries to be someone he's not. He makes the comment that he shouldn't be so "dramatic" because it's the "enemy of science" but that's part of who he is. Even artemis never denied that part of himself. He was a dramatic little shit and not only aknowleded it several times but truly loved that part of himself. Because artemis was never trying to be an adult or mature he just was like that due to his life. I'd love to see artemis and myles talk and see this interaction but I guess we won't. Still salty about that.

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Teddy when seeing a whole ass island straight up disappearing:

Like he was way to nonchalant about this

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I just find it cute that artemis was like "sure y'all can just fly around my house and train :)" the lep are like "we create zones far away from human civilization where fairies can we can train and fly around. Oh and there's one by the house of the guy who kidnapped one of us. Yea he caused some chaos in our life for a few years and anytime the end of the world was happening it was safe to assume he was somewhere nearby and yea we had no problems until he came and caused all the problems but he also like saved us a bunch of time so we're good now. We spy on him, he spies on us. he uses our technology, we train around his house. He's our bud." Like you guys have a very weird relationship

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Ok. So I've just been introduced to our magical main character... And it's a hybrid (very interesting. I did wonder while reading the original if they were ever going to address like fairies and pixies or something coming together to have a baby because I mean you can't tell me that never happened. So I'm glad they're actually addressing that here and giving some information on it) named lazuli. And she's blue. A blue skinned girl who can fly named lazuli... I'm just going to tell you guys right now all I'm gonna see in my head every single time I imagine this character is

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I'm really glad they're going over the different perspectives on artemis fowl. Like some people would trust him like he has saved countless lives due to his quick thinking and did become a good guy by the end and has helped fairies more then hurt them and even sacrificed himself for them. But some people wouldn't. At the end of the day he did kidnap a fairy, steal fairy technology which then got stolen by a horrible person who could've destroyed fairy civilization, manipulate and trick his way into getting a copy of their sacred book and put them in danger multiple times. I've seen a post talking about how fairies would view artemis after the series that I really liked over here plus some amazing art on it over here

Definitely give those a look but this reminded me of those

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Myles is such a little shit and I love it. This is definitely the type of prank artemis fowl's little brother would play. Also would love to imagine one day artemis if in space and realizes what his code means and realizes what myles did and just in the middle of space butler can see his face go like

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I will say I didn't like that they kind of dumbed up beckett. Like I thought he was going to be like butler or mulch, like not the smartest person In the room (to be fair the other ones in the room are foaly, artemis and myles. All certified geniuses) but still really smart and clever and able to keep up and think of their own plans. Like this is the kid who at 4 years old tricked his genius twin brother into giving him the code to open Artemis' room and sneak around. The kid who again at four years old was able to listen to butler, learn a move and perfect it to use his body's momentum to stun opal even if it was only temporarily. Like he was a clever and smart kid at 4 and for the most part able to keep up with his twin brother. His personality and interests may haven been very different and he may not have been a genius but that wasn't to say he was dumb either. He also doesn't even act or sound like an 11 year old. I've dealt with a lot of kids and beckett is behaving more like a 5 year old. I understand him not acting like artemis who was forced to grow up and mature, or myles whos trying really hard to act grown up and is very intelligent, but I was expecting a clever 11 year old, not a cosmo from fairly odd parents type of character. I'm still in the first few chapters so maybe we'll see him shine later but so far I'd like to see more of beckett's intelligence.

#artemis fowl #artemis fowl memes #the fowl twins #myles fowl #beckett fowl #lazuli heitz

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goldenmazzello · 4 years

Text

Lay all your love on me | Part 2

(I don't own this gif. Credits to the owner)

Warning: Alcohol, anxiety, angst, hungover, languague, mixed feelings, flashbacks.

W/C: 5k.

Masterlist

Although you were all exhausted from your last day on set, you were going out and have some fun and celebrate. You needed this. You all needed this. So when Ben suggested to go to a new bar for some drinks all of you enthusiastically agreed, especially because you, Joe and Rami were coming back to the US tomorrow.

Now, you were at your hotel room getting ready for your last night in London. You chose a little black dress with embroidery black sequins all over it, it also had a nice cleavage that left nothing to the imagination. That was your favorite dress, you felt absolutely confident when you wore it. You put on a pair of black high heels, you were almost ready.

Suddenly, you heard a knock from the door and gave a glance to the clock that was hang on the wall. Fuck. You were late and you hadn't done your make-up yet. You weren't used to wearing a lot of make-up, you prefered having a good skincare routine but since you've had eye bags from the exhausting week on set and your skin wasn't helping due to your PMS pimples, you decided to slightly cover them.

You opened the door and Joe was standing there, wearing a white dress shirt, a pair of black jeans, a leather jacket and a pair of black boots. He looked stunning.

"Wow, you look..." You both said at the same time and laughed. You moved your sight to the floor with blushy cheeks.

"Are you ready?" Joe asked while studying you with a curious expression from the door frame.

"Hmm...do we have time?" You played with your hands, nervously. "I mean, I've haven't done my make-up yet, but I promise it won't take more than 5 minutes. Please Joey." You looked at him with puppy eyes, trying to convince him. He chuckled.

Joey. You were the only person who called him like that. You thought that maybe his mother called him like this but no, you were the only one and Joe found it pleasant. He got annoyed when someone who wasn't you used that nickname.

"Okay, you are already pretty but anyway, you can do it, we have like 10 minutes." He checked his watch as he entered the room and sat on your bed.

"Thank you!" You hugged him and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. He could feel your scent. His heart began to beat hard like a hammer. He swallowed.

You grabbed your makeup bag which was a few inches away from the bed on a table and started to apply your red lipstick quickly. Joe was following every movement. You bent over the table to have a better look of your face in your little mirror to apply concealer and Joe couldn't help but fixate his eyes on your thighs and then, your ass. it wasn't the first time he did it, but that little dress allowed him to have a perfect view of your long legs and he couldn’t resist.

"I'm ready!" You turned around and faced him, he was silent and pretended to look at the window. "You okay?" You walked towards him and grabbed his hand.

"Y-yes, I was just...thinking about our flight" He lied. You rubbed his hand gently and sat by his side. You'll be the death of him.

"Sure? You look...tense" You said worried.

He nodded. "I'm tired but I not going to stay in bed in our last night in London." He tittered.

"Okay, let's get going!"

The bar was overcrowded, something to expect for a bar that opened two weeks ago. There were some tables and chairs lined up against the walls and others were just packed into the middle of the room. It was kinda dark, since the lights were red colored, but it was perfect, you still could see people’s faces. Music from the 70s, 80s and 90s was playing at the background.

As you sat at the table, you could notice that it was full of bottles that Ben and Gwilym had brought, since they were the first of the group to arrive.

“Well, you really want us to celebrate tonight Ben.” You raised an eyebrow while looking at them. Ben giggled.

“Of course!” He said as he grabbed a glass and poured champagne on it. “Where are Rami and Lucy?”

“Here!” They shouted from the door and walked towards the table. “What the hell...we’re only six in here. why is the the perfect amount of alcohol for the entire bar?” Lucy asked, blinking.

“Your blonde friend wants us to be shit-faced.” Replied Gwylim and took a sip of wine. Ben shrugged.

You raised your drinks and Ben began talking "Cheers for this movie and everything that will come with this!"

"Cheers for us guys!" Rami shouted.

Bohemian Rhapsody was a very promising movie. It was one of the most anticipating of the year worldwide, so maybe it will lead to awards nominations such as the Oscars and it also will give all of you more recognition. The best was yet to come.

An hour later, you’ve already drunk half of what was on the table. it was going to be a long night.

There was a tall blonde girl leaned on the bar counter, who was gazing at your table. She was having a drink with a straw that made her lips look big. Maybe, she was doing it on purpose.

“Hey, that girl is trying to get your attention.” Ben elbowed Joe and he looked at her.

Your eyes rapidly moved to Joe, waiting for his next move.

“Go and have fun.” Gwylim blinked.

“I don’t know, I don’t think she’s looking for me.” Joe commented.

Joe wasn’t interested at all, especially since you were on his thoughts all day. But maybe, if he tried to talk to other women he could keep his mind occupied for a bit. Whatsmore, he has been in a forced celibacy for the past months due to filming so it could be an opportunity.

"Are you kidding me? Joe, she's been staring at you for like the last five minutes." Gwilym said. "Go and invite her a drink, do something!"

Joe hesitated for a minute until he put his phone in his pocket and went with her.

You didn't know why, but something made you feel sick to your stomach. Why were you feeling like this for Joe? He was your friend and you should be happy for him. Did you...like him? It wasn't a secret that he was very attractive, but you never thought about him as your lover.

Your not-so-sober state was making you feel so nauseous. You were also tired from your last days of work which were stressing and hadn't been eating properly because you were busy. This wasn’t going to end well.

You stopped drinking and sighed. There was a growing unease running through your veins, you couldn't take it anymore. You rushed to the bathroom. Fortunately, you were the only one in there. You locked yourself in an individual loo and pressed your forehead against the door, breathless. You closed your eyes and tried to catch your breath, but you felt as if the sharp point of a knife was stabbing you in the chest. The feeling of your heavy pounding heart and a persistent tightness in your shoulders were taking over you. You began to count, one, two, three, four to remove the explosion in your brain that was sending your thoughts spiraling out of control. You couldn't put into words the way you were feeling.

A few minutes later, your breath was becoming normal. You stayed there, trying to recover.

You thought it wasn't going to happen anymore, or at least tonight.

On the other side of the bar, Ben noticed that you were gone. He looked for you desperately, but he couldn't find you anywhere.

He immediately went to the bar counter where Gwilym was standing there, laughing out loud, he has just moved his hand on Joe's head and disheveled him, showing off his perm. Joe wasn't happy at all but the girl just laughed and continued talking.

"Guys, I can't find (y/n) anywhere." Ben explained.

Joe's eyes widened. he apologized with the girl and looked for you. Gwilym followed him.

"Why don't we tell Lucy to go and see if she's in the bathroom? She might be there."

"It's a good idea but, where is Lucy?" Joe moved to the crowd where Rami and Lucy were rocking their bodies to some 80s love songs.

Joe explained her what happened and she went to the bathroom. Rami helped the boys.

What if someone hurt you? what if you were in danger and you couldn't ask for help? Joe couldn't stop thinking about the worst case scenario. He felt a twinge in his chest.

As Lucy entered the bathroom, she looked under each door and felt relaxed when she saw your black high heels there.

"(y/n)? (y/n), are you okay?" She knocked the door.

She sent a message to your group chat.

Lucy: I found her, she's in the bathroom. Don't worry.

"Yes, absolutely." You opened the door and she almost jumps. Your eyes were red and your mascara was running on your cheeks.

"What happened? Did someone do anything to you?" She hugged you tight and you hugged she back even thighter.

"No, no. I'm just...I don't know, I was feeling anxious but I think I'm better now." You moved to the mirror and opened the tap water. You washed your face.

"Was it for anything in particular? What were you doing when you started feeling like that?"

You explained the situation and she hugged you again. “I’m here for you, don’t worry.” She said sweetily. You smiled.

You came back and the guys sighed in relief.

"She's okay, don't bother her." Lucy warned them. Joe sat beside you and put his hand on your shoulder.

"Do you need anything?" Rami asked.

"Give me that." You snatched the wine bottle off his hands.

The blonde girl showed up again. She whispered something on Joe's ear and gave him a piece of paper. Then, she blinked at him and left the bar.

"Man, what's on the paper?" Ben was dying to know about it. Joe gave it to Rami. Ben stucked out his tongue.

Rami opened it. "Ohh, what a heartbreaker you are, Mr. Mazzello." He gave it back to him. Joe held it in his hands as he read.

"I really liked your perm. If you fancy doing something after the bar, let me know 64788433"

Joe tore the paper and took a sip of wine. Ben, Rami and Gwilym's jaw dropped. You felt relieved. "What?"

"I can't believe you're wasting such an opportunity!" Ben said with a wide eyed face.

"She's not my type." He continued drinking.

He didn't feel like leaving you. He felt alarmed by your state, you were his friend and he wan’t going to leave you when you were feeling like that. Although he didn't know what happened to you, he could notice you were tense. He would do anything to make you feel better.

"Dude, you're mad. It's your last night here." Rami insisted. Joe didn't care.

"And, what about you? Did you find anyone for tonight" Gwilym asked you, mischivously.

You almost choke. "W-What?"

"You know, a one-night stand.” He moved up his eyebrows. You giggled.

"I'm not much into that, I'm more classic, you know." You confessed.

"Come here, I'm gonna find you a hot date!" Lucy begged you.

"It's okay Lu, I wanna be on my own tonight." You smiled gently.

It was 2 a.m, you were all a mess and there were like 3 more hours ahead. Oh shit.

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming to our place tonight.” Yelled a man from the little scenario, holding a microphone. ”It’s 2 a.m and that means, It’s karaoke time!” He raised his arms and people clapped excitedly. “We invite you to come here with a partner and give us a performance! Who will be our first duo tonight?”

“Here! These pretty girls right here are going to sing first.” Ben jumped from his chair and pointed at you and Lucy, who gaped at you.

“Oh no, shut up Benjamin!” You tried to sat him back to his place but it was impossible.

“Come on girls, let’s go!" The man encourage both of you. Everybody turned their heads to your table. You swallowed.

"Are you sure?" You asked Lucy and she shrugged.

"I guess we have to do it, we have no choice." She said in a small panicky voice as the whole bar was waiting for you to go.

"Fuck, then let's do it."

You rapidly took two more shots of vodka so as not to be so conscious of what you were going to do and walked towards the scenario with her. As you got out of your chair, Joe followed your body with his eyes. He swore no one ever looked so good in a dress and it hurt him to know he couldn't have you that night.

Ben took out his phone from his pocket and started to record, maybe it would end up posted on Instagram.

"So, to who do we owe the pleasure tonight?" The man handed Lucy and you microphones.

"I'm Lucy and she's my friend (y/n)." Everybody clapped and there were some whistling. For a second, you regretted wearing that dress.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Lucy and (y/n)!" He yelled, leaving the scenario.

You both moved to the little screen you had in front of you. Lucy chose Wannabe by the Spice Girls.

You took a deep breath and started singing. "Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want." You moved your head to Lucy's direction.

"So tell me what you want, what you really, really want." She sang and held your hand. You both started moving your hips from side to side following the rhythm of the music, trying to remember some moves from the music video.

The boys were singing and clapping from the table, totally enjoying it. You started to feel more comfortable and to enjoy it too.

"If you wanna be my lover." You both sang the last line of the song and hugged. You quickly came back with the boys while you heard clapping again.

"You girls nailed it!" Rami gave Lucy a quick peck.

"I still hate you, Ben. You better be careful, I'll kill you." You blustered annoyed. He mocked you.

"Please tell me you're going to sing with me!" Joe put his best puppy face that made it hard to deny anything.

"Yeah Joe, when pigs fly!"

Two hours later, you and Joe were on the scenario, you were totally sloshed.

"Purple rain, purple rain. I only wanted to see you underneath the purple rain." You both sang from the top of your lungs. Joe had his arm around your waist and you had yours around his neck, moving backwards and forwards, trying to dance.

"For you Ben, I'll ruin my voice for you!" Joe pointed at Ben, who was trying to hide behind Gwilym.

Joe lost his balanced and fell to the ground, but that didn't stop him for singing. Screaming.

"I only wanted to see you underneath the AHHHHHHHH PURPLE RAIN, PURPLE RAIN, UHHHHHH." He grabbed your leg like a kid.

"Okay Joey, it's enough." You burst out laughing and helped him up.

As fast as you opened your eyes, you closed them. A merciless sunbeam was squirting straight in, making the oppressive force in your head go deeper. You turned around and checked your phone, 12:30 p.m, you had to be at the airport in exactly five hours.

You couldn’t remember neither coming back to the hotel nor falling asleep. As you sat up bed with a rather unpleasant feeling, you felt a shiver down your spine, the room was cold and you were still wearing your black dress. You felt a wave of nausea and ran to the bathroom. You ended up bent over the toilet, puking your guts out. You haven’t been like this in months. The last time you were like this was last year when your ex broke up with you. When you finished puking, you struggled to lift your head up, but the head throbbing was making it impossible. You rested your head in your hands and began to rub your temples, trying to massage away the headache. It was pointless. You felt you were going to die in about five minutes.

You looked at your face in the mirror, your mascara was running on your cheeks and your red lipstick was smeared, you looked terrible. After cleaning up your face with a damp cloth, you turned on the shower and tossed your dress and your underwear. You felt really gross. The drops of water running down your body felt warm and you enjoyed it. After a long shower, you got changed into your comfiest clothes and finished packing.

While you were drinking water, your phone buzzed. Joe was calling.

“Hey, how are you?” Asked Joe with a husky voice. He might have just woken up.

“I feel like shit, I’m never drinking again.” You protested. Joe laughed.

That's what everybody says waking up with a terrible hangover and then, they drink again and repeat it over and over again.

“We both know that’s a pretty unconvincing lie.”

“Well, I’m not drinking any soon. That sounds better?”

“Absolutely.” You nodded, smiling. “Can you come to my room? I can’t move and I feel I’m about to pass out if I don’t drink water soon. Please, I’m gonna die, don’t let me die!” Joe screamed, being totally dramatic.

“You aren’t gonna die, Joey. I’m on my way.” You hang and walked towards his room. You knocked the door and Joe cursed, he had to get out of bed.

“God, I can’t even walk.” Joe said as you entered the room. He jumped back to bed. “Come here.”

“Are you sure?” You asked, walking on his direction.

“Of course, come here, I’m gonna die.” Joe pouted. You rolled your eyes and lay in bed.

You called room service and they brought you bottles of water and some snacks.

“Joe, you have to take short sips of water.”

“I’m thirsty.”

“I know but it would get worse.” You squeezed his bottle and now, his face was wet. You laughed out loud.

“You’ll regret it.” He left the bottle on the nightstand and started to tickle you.

“Please, please, please, Joe, stop or I’m gonna throw up the water, please stop” You begged between laughs. Joe stopped and you sighed in relief.

“Well, I see you aren’t feeling so bad after all.”

“Kinda, but I wanna stay here until we head to the airport.” He moved close to you.

“So do I.” You placed his head on your chest and hugged him. Joe felt he was going to die.

Never had he been this close before. He didn’t want to move because he was practicaly on your boobs. He tried to avoid any dirty thoughts but his view wasn't helping. When he felt your fingers through his hair, he closed his eyes.

Joe wished this was part of his routine. You and him, waking up together on the same bed, him, giving you kisses all over your face and body. He wanted to kiss you so bad. He liked to think that your lips were as soft as a cotton. He hoped someday he’ll find out if he was right.

"You know," said Joe, breaking the silence. "I think you've never told me, but how did you find out about Queen?" Joe questioned.

It was a rainy cold saturday afternoon. Boredom had taken over you, so you decided to sit on your computer while your mom was baking a delicious banana bread while your dad was working on a project for his job, you assumed that he had become a workaholic because no one would ever dedicate so much time to his job on a free day.

"Can you look for a song on YouTube? It's awfully noiseless in here." Your dad said stretching his back, he had been sitting for like 5 hours.

You knew that your dad liked The Rolling Stones so you clicked on Start me Up music video. When it finished, you checked on YouTube's suggestions. Queen - I Want to Break Free. You knew that Queen was a well-known British band but you've never listened to any of their songs.

"Dad, mom, do you like Queen?"

"Yeah, well, I used to listen to them a lot when I was young." Your dad told you.

"One of my favorite songs by Queen used to be I Want to Break Free." Your mom said as he took out the banana bread out of the oven. It smelled amazing.

"That's the one YouTube suggested me."

You watched the music video while eating what your mother have just cooked. What a pretty girl, you thought when a blonde schoolgirl appeared in the kitchen. A few months later, you realized it was actually Roger Taylor.

"I can't believe you thought he was actually a girl." Joe couldn't stop laughing.

"In my defense, some people in the 70s thought he was a woman."

"And then what happened?"

"Then, there wasn't a day in which I didn't listen to Queen, and nowadays it's still that way. I really love them. They helped me through difficult times and they still do.”

He smiled. “It’s crazy how every person has at least a memory of Queen in their lives. I remember that Bohemian Rhapsody was the first song I downloaded on Napster.” You interrupted him.

“Which is ilegal.”

“Shh, don’t tell Brian and Roger.” You giggled. “And then,” he continued. “When I directed Undrafted, I would drive every morning listening to Somebody to Love and it gave me good vibes for the day. It was great”

You talked for like two hours about Queen. Now, you were on Joe's chest. "What are your plans for the next days?" Joe started to play with your hair.

"I'm staying in New Jersey with my family, you know, it's been a while since I've seen them. And the other week I'm having an audition in New York for a theater play."

"Great, what is its name?"

"It's Romeo and Juliet. A classic. I really hope I'll get this, otherwise I don't know what I'll do." You sighed.

"You'll get the role, don't worry about it, you are wonderful." Joe grabbed your hand and you rubbed his.

"Thank you. And what are you up to this week? Any meeting or something?" You inquired.

"Not yet. I'm going to visit my family and some friends and of course I'll wait for you to free so we can start with our To do list in New York." He smiled sheepishly.

"I can't wait for it!"

"Hmm, I was meaning to ask it earlier but anyway, what happened last night?"

You were frozen. You tried to find the exact words to explain him you were feeling anxious and that you didn't know the reason why. He let you know that you could always count on him.

A few minutes later, Joe fell asleep, he was still holding your hand. You stared at him for like an eternity and thought about how you felt last night. You weren't sure about your feelings as something more than a friend. You loved him with all your heart, he had become someone you really cared for, you were together all the time and you knew that it would still be like that from now.

He had a peaceful look in his face that made your heart melt. You were grateful that you were going to spend a few days in your hometown where you will have enough time to clear your mind.

After a week at your parents' home, you came back to your apartment in New York and now, you were getting ready for your audition. You kept reading the script over and over again while you were on your way in the taxi.

While you were waiting in the queue to enter the theater, your phone buzzed. It was a message.

Joe: Good luck sweetie!

You were beaming from ear to ear.

Joe finished cooking one of his specialties, meatballs with spaghetti, his favorite food. His friend Aaron was about to come in any minute. It was a long time since they last reunited, especially because they were busy with their acting careers.

The doorbell rang and Joe opened the door of his house. Aaron Tveit was standing there, holding a bottle of wine and some cans of beer happily.

As they ate, they talked about their lasts projects and brought up some memories of Joe's movie, Undrafted, in which they were co-stars. When they were about to finish the delicious supper, the doorbell rang. They looked at each other.

"Is it really the doorbell?" Aaron asked, confused.

"Yes but, that's strange, I'm not expecting anyone."

Joe opened the door and his gaze flickered over your presence.

“I wasn't expecting to see you until tomorrow, what a lovely surprise!” His smiled disappeared when he noticed you were weeping. "What's wrong?"

“Sorry I came out of the blue but I really need you.” When you leaned over the frame of the door trying to enter his house, you saw he had a guest. "Oh, sorry, I didn't know you had people tonight. I can come tomorrow morning." You moved backwards.

“Don’t leave, (y/n).” He grabbed your arm. “You can join us.” You hesitated, “Please, stay.”

You entered his house and he took you to the kitchen, not before telling his friend he would be back in a minute. You sat on the counter and he stood in front of you. “Tell me, what happened?”

“The audition...” You played with the edge of your shirt, avoiding his gaze. “It was awful, they treated me so unkind...and obviously I didn’t get the role.”

“I’m so sorry, (y/n).” He embraced you in such a tender and warm way that made you feel safe immediately. He rubbed your back and whispered sweet things in your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

You couldn't lie, in the days you spent away in New Jersey, Joe couldn't leave your mind. He was there, 24/7 and you couldn't stop talking about him to your family. Your mom only needed two hours to say you were having feelings for him, despite your denial.

“Forget about that.” He took you to the dining room, where his friend was with his phone. As he saw you were coming, he left it on the table and smiled.

"(y/n), he's Aaron. Aaron, she's (y/n)." Joe introduced each other. Aaron was a brown haired man with beautiful blue eyes. He seemed to be in his mid 30s, just like Joe.

You remembered seeing them on tv, he was in Gossip Girl!

"It's nice to meet you, Joe talked about you a lot!" He admitted. Joe blushed and you smiled.

Did he really talk about you with his friends?

Joe insisted on serving you a plate of food and you acepted it. An hour passed, now you felt better, Aaron was so friendly.

“I’m having an audition on friday for a musical, If you like, I’ll give you the script.” Aaron said while you were having a sip of wine.

“What is it about?”

“It’s a Broadway musical based on the movie Grease. I think you’ll like it. They are looking for someone to play Sandy Olsson."

You almost choke. “B-Broadway? Oh God. I don’t know..”

Broadway. It was a tempting proposal, but you weren’t sure if you were going to be acepted to play a role in a such an incredible musical, especially after your failed audition from today.

“Hey, why don’t you give it a try?” Suggested Joe. “You have nothing to lose. It’s a big opportunity, you should definitly go.”

“And you still have time to prepare for this.” Aaron unlocked his phone and asked for your number. “I’ve just sent you the script. Don’t worry, I can help you if you want, you can call me at any moment and I’ll try to help you. Tomorrow I’ll send you the adress and everything you need to know. And if you want, I can pick you up and we can go together.”

“That would be nice, thank you.” You smiled.

“So, that’s a yes?” Joe asked expectantly.

“Yes!”

Joe was absolutely happy for you. However, his mind was being cruel.

“Joey, are you listening to me?” You asked him. He rubbed his eyes.

“Sorry, I think I’m falling asleep. What were you saying?”

“Can I stay here tonight?”

“Sure!”

He had to do something, too much love will kill him.

#joe mazzello x reader #joe mazzello fluff #joe mazzello imagine #joe mazzello fanfic #joe mazzello #joe mazzello x y/n #joe mazzello x you #joe mazzello x oc #joe mazzello headcanon #borhap cast x reader #borhap cast #borhap #borhap boys x reader #borhap boys #joe mazzello angst #goldenmazzello

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shinahbee · 4 years

Text

November Favorites 2020!

Hello!

So as you may have seen I have been uploading a bunch of art all of November, not every week because of my crippling job at the moment taking away my sanity.lol. But i did try my best to update whenever I can. I do have so much more to complete so please look out this December for more digital art being pumped out

How are you all doing? I'm holding up decently, I'm trying to avoid talking about covid since that's all i've been hearing from work and home and it's really making me anxious since i'm not able to work from home due to the nature of my job. I hope you all are holding up hope and taking care of your selves, let's all remember that there is a time after this and we will get through this.

with that being said I will have a lot more time to spend on my art after January since my work term is going to end and I don't plan to stay for an extension, so maybe then I'll catch up on all of my previous art that I was supposed to upload, a.k.a my hero academia ones.lol

also I'm still chugging along reading more manhwa (web toons ) from korean and chinese artists, i'm so disappointed in myself for not discovering these sooner, these stories are really good and so much effort was put into the art panels, as I have said all I've read was manga so i'm used to just seeing black and white panels, so i never really dove into web toons though I have appreciated the work put into it, now that I'm down the rabbit hole I am discovering really good story lines that are different from the manga I've read thus far and I'm really enjoying it!

so i'm excited to share my thoughts on everything I've been liking

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Manhwa/Manga/Webtoon

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so previously in last months recommendations I have talked about a few of the manhwa I've been reading so I'll briefly list those below since they are all still ongoing

1) who's baby is it

2) to be or no to be

3) social temperature

4) salad days

all of them are still ongoing and i'm still in the process of reading them so I can't give a full review till it's completed but so far I am still enjoying them, that's definitely a good sign since i tend to just drop something after I don''t find it interesting anymore at some point in the story. If you have not read my October favorites journal please do so for my initial thoughts on these manhwas. Now i'm actually going to talk about some of the ones that are completed , so you can definitely read all of them without waiting for the an update from translators, lol

this is in no particular order, just fyi

1) Path to you

"When almost college dropout Jensen attempts to drink away his problems, unemployed Nathaniel( Neil ) suddenly pukes on him and ruins his night. As an apology, Nathaniel offers to help Jensen with his studies. Despite Jensen's difficulties in getting along with people, the two become friends and something deeper begins to grow between them...”

this is the summary from one of the manga websites I was able to find, it does not even describes the emotional plot line that goes along with this later, this is ones of my absolute favorites! I love this manhwa so much, its a great depiction of a coming of age story for collage students going through their life journey and slowly getting though life's difficulties and challenges, one character is going though emotional trauma and trying to over come it for years and another character is going through anti social disorder and discovering his sexuality, it's a plot line that portrayed human aspects in life quite well. I love the relationship between the two main character and how their relationship developed over time from being friends to being a couple. there is a lot of relationship building and minimal drama, which is really refreshing from mangas that I've read, so if you are just starting to delve into BL webtoons, please read this first! you will not be disappointed

with that being said, I love Neil, so much.... you don't even know. lol. He's so precious, literally like an actual cinnamon roll. LOL. i'm exposing myself ...so i'll leave it at that, i’m also wondering why his name is neil instead of nathan or nate...? lol.

2) Here U Are

"Orientation of the newcomers is a task for YuYang, and he ends up helping the unsociable and towering LiHuan, the kind of person that does everything to be disliked. But after better knowing each other, he discovers that the giant isn’t that bad of a person at all...”

I really wish I could find better summaries, lol. but it's to the point without giving away too much so i'll take it. This is one of the most popular series and I can totally see why after reading it, this story has every possible human aspect and relationship building between the two main leads, I actually teared in some parts of this manhwa and I've never done that before! such a good story and plot line, if I were to pick any series in a web toon to be animated then I would choose this series hands down. There's also sub plots between different characters as well and how they deal with their interpersonal relationships and relationships between the two main leads, I love it! This is everything I want in a story, so please check this one out

also yuyang looks a lot like miyuki Kazuya from Daiya no ace and that just made me drawn to him.I really liked his personality and in the manhwa he has girls and guys in love with him and dude...I get it.

3) BJ Alex

"Every night at 10, Dong-gyun locks himself up in his room, grabs a box of tissues, and watches a live cam boy show hosted by Alex, a BJ (broadcast jockey). Timid Dong-gyun admires not only Alex’s ripped body, but his candor in sharing his sexual experiences with viewers. One night, Dong-gyun downs too many drinks at a school networking event and passes out. When he wakes up, he’s in bed staring up at a shirtless hunk. A hunk who looks an awful lot like...Alex.”

so um...this is more yaoi than shounen ai cause of all the graphic scenes in the manhwa, if you are veteran you may have already read this one cause its really popular. It also has a lot of comedic elements to it too so it's not too serious, but the relationship developed between the two characters later on is really sweet despite the infinite amount of sex scenes. Not much else to say about this story, it's easy to follow and the only abuse in here is the emotional kind

I'm not really entirely sure how i felt about it in the beginning but the end is really good

4) No way, vampires don't exist

"Four college housemates — Juwon, Eunho, Seongjae, and Gyumin — are in desperate need of a fifth person to fill a vacant room in their place. But their main concern isn’t about paying rent: they’re ravenous vampires, dying to sink their teeth into a fresh, live human! So they can’t believe their luck when Dongha, who grew up isolated from society, eagerly moves in with no idea of what awaits him. To the vampires’ dismay, however, Dongha doesn’t weigh enough for them to suck his blood! As they shower their unsuspecting new housemate with food and attention to fatten him up, have they gotten too attached to their would-be prey? And is there more to sweet, naive Dongha than meets the hungry vampires’ eyes?”

I have to preface by saying that ever since my twilight phase, I didn't consume anything that had to do with vampires for a very long time, for obvious reasons, but this one I just came across after reading path to you and thought I would at least check it out. It started off really comedic and I was like...what am i reading? but it gets really light hearted and wholesome later on in the story. What I like about this is the character juwon, If you look at him he's that type of character that would look like the stoic a-hole of the story and those characters never appeal to me. But turns out he's the sweetest person most decent person of this story, it makes you want to route for him and another thing I like about this story is that it looks like a harem but you can tell that there’s only one person the main character doungha treats differently from the rest and how the two are compatible with one another. in these kind of stories, it’s always treated as every character is a possible route that leads to their own story but in here....there's only one...let's be real. This is one that is an odd ball cause it's technically completed but the translations are not...so i had to read the rest in korean, which makes it a good practice for me since i'm learning korean at the moment, it’s a good exercise...lol

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Anime/ Drama

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Not going to lie this department is lacking...lol. I have only been watching Heavens official blessing as mentioned in the last journal

but I have just found out that there is a remake of Shaman king in the making....and my little girl heart is screaming cause I loved shaman king when i was younger...so I can't wait for that

as for dramas, I've tried watching Start Up but I didn't like it so I dropped it, I might try watching crash landing on you since my best friend was obsessed with it, I watched a little of it but I left it since I was busy so i may get back to watching it from the beginning

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Music

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i'll put together a play list for you when you read these manga/manhwa...lol. cause that's what i've been doing

Playlist

Crush- No words

Sam kim - Breathe

Crush - let us go

Kim feel - falling

Paul kim - Dream

Kim feel - Hallelujah

Davichi - please don't cry

Yoo mirae - say

taeyeon - a poem called you

baek yerin- Here I am again

I wish tumblr has a way to play music on your page, without copy right..lol. I would share all of these songs cause they are so good

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so that's it for the month of November, lets' see what i get up to for December, I will be updating as frequently as possible so please look out for more art from me and follow me on my social media , I will see you all next time

bye!

Sheena

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Social media

Devianatart: she-be.deviantart.com

Instagram: shinb_art

Tumblr: shinahbee

#monthly favorites #november favorites #anime and manga #manhwa #manga favorites #journal #kpop music #kdrama #path to you #here u are #bj alex #no way vampires don't exist

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lesbianarcana · 5 years

Note

could you just... like... answer all of those questions at once? I can't pick one but I wanna know all the things

Oh God okay

[[MORE]]

1. When did you start playing?

Oh a long time ago...over a year ago I’d say? The main 3 were only up to uhhhh the Hermit book I think. I remember I stopped playing after that gross fetishy Asra CG came out.

2. What got you into the game?

The beautiful art and the tarot theme. This was before I knew what I know fdjhksd

3. Who was your first route?

Julian!

4. Who is your favourite route?

Honestly Muriel is shaping up to be my favourite so far. Before that, I loved Asra’s route.

5. Who is your least favourite?

So far, Portia’s. Don’t get me wrong - it’s nothing to do with Portia herself. It just feels a little stagnant and flat.

(I bet you expected me to say Lucio, didn’t you? Well, you’re wrong).

6. Who do you play in Heart Hunter?

Chibi Chandra!

7. Who is your favourite to chase in Heart Hunter?

Portia or Muriel!

8. Who of the not playable LIs do you wish you could romance?

The baker. Selasi route when?

9. Opinion on Asra?

Asra is often mischaracterised imo and held to an unfair standard that a lot of the other characters aren’t. I’ve seen many of these arguments and I’m tired.

Asra is not jealous, possessive, creepy, manipulative or shady. Not once does he act possessive towards the MC in any of the routes including his own (a possible exception could be made for the Reversed Ending, but what do you expect? That’s after the MC literally enables that behaviour).

Being sad or cautioning the MC against Julian is not being jealous or possessive. The way he talks about Julian it’s pretty obvious he felt more for the man than he realises, even if he doesn’t understand that himself.

Asra keeps secrets from the MC because canonically trying to remember too much too fast harms the MC. This has been established. In his route, he literally tells you that he hates keeping secrets from you. He takes you into his own personal gateway - an expression of trust and a willingness to open up to you. Does he do these things in the other routes? No, but that’s because you’re not spending that time with him.

I also see people angsting about how sad Asra is going to be when you tell him about Lucio in his route. Lucio harmed his parents and has been cruel to Asra so like idk what you expect. The MC doesn’t know this of course, but you do!

I think we also forget that Asra took a considerable amount of time and effort to rehabilitate the MC, care for them and reteach them basic tasks as well as magic.

Is Asra a perfect person? Of course not. He’s probably overly cautious, he can be a little distant and he reacts badly when in a crisis (see the deal he made with the Devil). He’s not always brave and not always strong, but why should we expect him to be? He’s a human being and he’s bound to have faults, but he has a generous nature and is remarkably well-adjusted considering the trauma of his childhood (don’t tell me that suddenly losing your parents is not traumatic).

10. Opinion on Julian?

I once said that Julian is likely hypersexual and I still maintain that. (For those of you who don’t know, being hypersexual is like..a tendency to engage in compulsive or self-harming sexual behaviour, sometimes as a result of trauma). I think Julian craves affection and associates sexual interest or sexual contact with his worth as a person. I don’t think he does it deliberately or to be manipulative, but because he has a definite self-esteem problem. I honestly see him as bipolar like me.

I think the way the fandom treats him as this dumbass uwu subby boy is kind of annoying. A lot of people I feel erase his bisexuality either by just ignoring it or by making homophobic jokes where the punchline is ‘ha ha he likes dick like you do!!!!’ like no shit, he’s BISEXUAL. But he’s also hard-working, brave, clever, pleasant and good-natured, and once he starts to really come into his own, he’s cheerful and optimistic. He has so many more good qualities than just ‘submissive and kinky’.

11. Opinion on Lucio?

This may surprise y’all but I actually don’t hate Lucio that much. I love to hate him as a villain.

I think he, like all of us, is a product of his environment. He grew up in a clan with a strong martial culture; his clan were warlike and frequently made war on his neighbours. We’re all influenced by our upbringing and I don’t think he’s an exception. I draw the line at saying he ‘just didn’t know right from wrong’ though. He’s not a baby.

But the differences between Lucio and the other LIs like Portia, Asra, Muriel etc is that Lucio’s life and his fate and the hardships he’s faced are almost entirely due to his own choices. It was he who decided on the eve of his eighteenth birthday to kill his parents. He sought out Vlagnagog with the intention of making a deal. He chose to continue to make deals. He knew he carried the plague and he chose to carry it across the continent including into Vesuvia, causing the deaths of thousands. He murdered and blackmailed his way across the continent. He wouldn’t have even needed to bargain for a new body if he hadn’t caught the plague that he brought into Vesuvia himself after making a deal etc.

Do I think he is a sort of cackling, villainous cliche or unrepentantly evil? No. I think he’s a person who has made deliberate choices that he is facing the consequences for and IMO it’s important that he face those consequences. I do think his main issue is entitlement and a profound lack of self-esteem (I don’t think he really believes any of the stuff he actually says about himself or other people; even Lucio’s not delusional).

I mean that’s about as generous and objective a take on Lucio as I can give you. I’ve made my feelings clear on him, but I don’t want to give the impression that I don’t actually understand him as a character, hopefully the above will prove I do haha.

12. Opinion on Muriel?

Out of all the LIs I think I relate most strongly to Muriel because of a few reasons: trauma, touch-starved, lonely and wants to connect but afraid of getting hurt (physically or emotionally).

Now that I’ve gotten personal, I really hate the way Muriel is treated by the fandom. He’s either called bland or boring, or he’s treated like he’s an animal, called feral and animalistic. He’s none of those things.

Muriel has a big complex about being alone. He was literally given away by his parents and left in Vesuvia on his own, to fend for himself on the streets. Being abandoned by his parents and not knowing why, not remembering is traumatic enough, but because of his size he’s often characterised as aggressive and strong when he’s always been gentle. Later in his life, Muriel was forced to fight and kill people against his will. I don’t think a lot of people get just how traumatic that is; not only being forced into doing Lucio’s bidding, but being forced to violently take someone’s life. I don’t blame him for leaving to live at his hut and resist connecting to anyone. It’s common for traumatized people to withdraw and isolate themselves, because the thought of getting hurt again is more frightening than being alone. But everyone needs human contact, and I think Muriel struggles a lot between wanting connection and contact (physical or emotional), between not wanting to get hurt again, to not feeling like he’s worth the effort. That struggle is something very close to my heart and that’s why I’m attached to him.

13. Opinion on Nadia?

Nadia has the biggest youngest sister complex and it’s almost amusing because I, too, have the same complex (even though I’m actually the older sibling!). Nadia, like me, feels like she’s always been compared unfavourably to her older sisters, and has felt like she has to work harder to prove she’s their equal.

It’s probably because she’s a Cancer like me. We have dual natures sometimes; the caretaker and the ringleader, who feel like we have to take it all on ourselves to get the job properly done, but who have moments where our self-doubt takes over.

I do find some aspects of Nadia’s route to be sort of odd, where it’s mentioned that the people of Vesuvia find her to be a tyrant. There’s literally no evidence to suggest that, so the only reasoning I can find next is she’s a woc. But race doesn’t matter in Vesuvia apparently so...what else could be the reason? Not to mention she’s been asleep for the past three years, so the people haven’t even seen the Countess in that time.

I feel like we didn’t really get to understand a lot about Nadia even from her route-why did she fall asleep? What on Earth did she see in Lucio? Why did she let him do all those bad things in Vesuvia before he died? (My initial thought was Cancers can be sloth-like and passive, so that could be why).

14. Opinion on Portia?

Of all the LIs I feel like it’s Portia I know the least about despite having probably the most appearances. Sure, she’s quirky and fun and cheerful, and that’s cute, but...what does she want? What does she fear? How does she feel about her brother being on trial?

I’m hoping we get to expand more of her personality in her route. I know her patron Arcana is the Star, so her route will likely be about learning to have faith in other people, but who knows.

15. What is your favourite Arcana card?

Justice. The Empress is a close runner-up.

16. Have you bought any of the official merch?

No, I refuse to give a single cent to Nix Hydra. (I really want those Tarot cards though hhh)

17. What is your favourite CG?

The one where Asra is sitting in the gondola. Squishy cheeks :3c

18. How many Arcana themed blogs do you have?

Three! This one, then I run an Ask Muriel blog at @ask-muriel-inanna and an Ask Asra blog at @ask-asra-and-faust

19. Do you draw any Arcana art? What is your favourite image you have drawn?

The cover I just did for my Arcana comic! I cant link but it's in #arcana comic and #my art

20. Self insert or apprentice insert?

Both are valid, but I have an apprentice OC.

21. Do you have an apprentice?

Yes I do! Their name is Daya

22. If there is one thing that could be made with the Arcana theme on it, what would it be and why?

Idk what this means I big dumb

23. What is your favourite ship?

Outside of the LI x MC ships I really do like Asriel and Portia/Nadia (but only if Portia isn’t her servant anymore).

24. What is your least favourite ship?

Muriel x Lucio, Asra x Lucio or Julian x Lucio. None of them would even consider ever touching Lucio with a ten foot pole and y’all know this.

25. On your first play through, what direction was your ending for the LIs?

Upright babey!!!!!

#the arcana game #anonymous #asks

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zombiiesque · 3 years

Text

Nocturne Alchemy Seth's Dinosaur Collection - PART ONE

Originally published on 6/27/2017

Hello, everyone! I've been wanting to write some reviews for a while now, but we moved, and then I promptly came down with a really bad case of bronchitis, that did not seem to want to go away. I ended up with two different antibiotics and almost went to the hospital at one point, but it's mostly dissipated finally. Well, then I had to put my house together and get everything situated here, and I'm sure anyone that has moved understands how much effort that takes. I haven't moved in over four years, and I felt really bad about not getting my house organized! And here I am, going on and on. Anyway, I had intentions of reviewing Seth's Dinosaur Collection for quite a while, but I think it's particularly relevant now. Nocturne Alchemy is reopening in 4 days, on June 30th! *squeeing and flailing* I'm so excited to see the site redesign. Also, they've been working on new label art, and from what I understand, they'll be adding new scents to the various Permanent Collections. So much fun. I'm sure it's going to be beautiful. If you'd like to keep up with them in the meantime, they have been posting fun things on their Facebook Business page, including a sneak peek video of the new logo, which is absolutely elegant.

Well, I started this last night, and ended up having things to do that needed my immediate intention - so I had to put it down and come back to it in the morning! It seems like that's the way things have been going lately, so now this review is even more timely. Before I delve into it, I want to make mention that I had an email conversation with the NA crew, because I wanted to address some of the rumors I'd seen going around since they'd been closed. I saw that folks were concerned that they wouldn't be reopening, because they've been gone so long, and I also saw that many were worried that the catalogue as it was known might not be returning, so I wrote to see if they'd give me something to share with people - and they did! Such lovely, kindhearted people, and that is the reason I am such a huge "fangirl". I mean, don't get me wrong - they make the most exquisite perfume oils, and of course that drew me in, but once I began to see how much heart they pour into their company, and how much they care about their customers, that really made me fall head over heels. Honestly, in the world of indie perfumes, NA is a pretty good sized company. They've been making perfumes for 10 years now - actually, as it's June, they're into their 11th year, and they have a pretty extensive catalogue! So in their own words, I'll use a direct quote here from Nocturne Alchemy.

NA will return June 30th. We asked our customers last year what they thought of the old NA site. Constructive criticism concluded that it was dated. The truth is, we knew this and had been looking for the right host site for the past two years. We knew it would take time to migrate and create a new site but we'd have to be 100% involved and the focus of a new site would mean we'd have to shut down the old site. In the process, we decided to recreate the art for the labels of the Permanent Collection (we call it the PC because we view perfume as you would at an art gallery, where there is a Permanent Collection and a Limited Collection or the temporary exhibit if you will). In the past six months we've taken some much needed time off after a decade of perfume making, perfume soul-searching, travel for more unique perfume, and also back in the Studio for months now working on new PC, new art for new labels and a new look for NA. It took two years prior to opening NA in 2006 creating a small collection of PC and Limited perfumes, designing labels, the site...the fact that we can do this in six months, means we are at the top of our game. We know what we want to create but you can't rush art. NA will return June 30th. Find us on Facebook to stay up with current information. The PC and Studio Limited will return, as well as the beloved VApothecary line that has been rebranded under Nocturne Alchemy to facilitate cohesiveness at the new site.

So, there you have it! In addition to completely redesigning the site from the ground up, including a different type of "shopping cart", they've been working on all kinds of wonderful things. I am not sure I will even know where to start on Friday! I'm certainly looking forward to digging through the new site - bad pun intended? And now, I have to apologize. As I said, I'd meant to get this posted a few weeks ago, but life sort of threw me under the bus, and I just couldn't give it the proper time it deserved, as the Dinosaur collection, and the eNVie review, both deserve a bit more depth than just reviewing a single perfume. I'll be working on the latter today, to get it posted up hopefully by tomorrow.

So, roughly two summers ago, Nocturne Alchemy released the original Dinosaur collection, which was Seth's baby, as his other passion, from his early childhood, was dinosaurs, and he wanted to do a collection with that theme. I must tell you, it's been one of my very favorite collections, and I'm only missing a few of them. Last summer, they released a Resurgence, and added some new perfumes to the collection. It's alternatively been called the Prehistoric collection, but the name "Seth's Dinosaurs" has kind of become the popular name among the fans, and often gets shortened to "the Dinos". A little note about this collection: "These dinosaur perfumes are created with the beauty of resin in mind for each of them. The concept to this perfume, the label and the respect of the dinosaur is built on imagination. If you look at the label, there is an egg to the left. It is the same color as the Dinosaur. Apply the perfume on wrist and inner elbow and allow the scent to bind with your chemistry. Once this has occurred, inhale. This conceptually, is the egg. To allow the dinosaur to hatch, we wanted you to go to your Studio Limited Library and pull as many as you want, especially your favorites. The magic in layering the dino's with your Studio Limited Library will give your library a new NAVAlchemy aspect of layering and creating your own personal Dino scent. The fun in NAVAlchemy and hatching the dino eggs is all up to you!" - note from Seth. So, I've seen a few comments floating around the internet that say these oils seem to be rather linear, or flat - and I hope that people will read this, because if they don't realize that these were created specifically to be layered, then they'll miss the beauty of these. I do like them on their own, but I find that when they are layered with other perfumes, the beauty and versatility really shines through. I was never adventurous about layering until I was introduced to these beauties, and they really taught me to branch out, because the possibilities are quite endless. What's interesting is that a lot of the SL (Studio Line) is also fantastic for layering, so I'll make some suggestions for these together for you to try. I believe, from the hints that they've been dropping on the Facebook page, that we'll once again be graced with new Dinos this summer. I don't know if it will be happening with the grand reopening, or at some later time in the summer, but it seems that we'll be getting new Dinosaurs to play with! I cannot wait.

So, let's get started! I'll go with the first round of Dinosaurs that I have, and then the second round will be in a separate post. All of the Dinosaurs also make this mention: "*tiny bits of resin may occur in the Dino blends, these will only enrich the blend even more with aging!"

Cryolophosaurus: Resinous Amber Accord, Limestone Amber, Aged Organic Studio created Patchouli, Black Patchouli, SL Crimson and only a drop of fine aged Egyptian White peppercorn eo. So, this was my first love of the Dinosaurs. I was pretty new to NAVA at the time the first collection came out, so I was still trying everything via decants before I sprung for full bottles, because I hadn't learned what worked on me and what didn't yet. I think I ordered decants of everything but Spinosaurus, because I had learned at that point that black honey and I don't get on. Still salty about that! Anyway. The decants arrived, and I tried them all out - and fell madly in love with Cryolophosaurus, and promptly ordered a full bottle. It's....what are words! I feel as though I'm going to be repeating myself here with this collection, but I'll do my best for y'all. The patchoulis in this blend are bright and sort of herbal, almost minty? I don't know if that's a proper patchouli trait, but as a bit of a hippie, I've been a lifelong fan of patchouli (thanks, mom!) and was exposed to the dark and dirty hippie type patchouli early on in life. This was the first time I was exposed to patchouli as a more herbal note, and I was absolutely blown away. I often find NAVA ambers to have a "fresh" sort of quality, and the two ambers used in the Dinosaur collection definitely seem to have that, so it keeps any of these blends from being overly dark. There's definitely a depth and a sort of stoney feel to each one of these, but as I've mentioned, that seems to come out more once you layer them with another perfume, and Cryolophosaurus is no exception. I can wear this happily alone, it's quite different than say Hessonite, which can be a little overwhelming if you're new to patchouli, the ambers lift this up and seem to give the patchoulis a different nuance. You don't get the red musk (Crimson) or pepper aspect very much until you wear this one layered, but those aspects come out and shine once you pair this with another oil. Also, this oil is red! As I've had my bottle for 2 years, there's definitely some resinous bits forming now, but I couldn't seem to capture a picture of it.

I could rave and rave about this one. Goals: If they bring this back as a Resurrection again this year, GET A BACKUP BOTTLE. Hah!

TL;DR A fresh, sort of bright, herbal patchouli. The nuances of the ambers, red musk, and pepper come out to play when you layer this, but you probably won't notice them while wearing it solo.

Layering suggestions: Try this with Kashmir, Crystalline, Amethyst, Santalum, Crystal, White Ambre Ombre. If you have Labyrinth Oudh, this pairs beautifully with that. If you are a patchouli fiend, you might try hatching it with Patchouli Ombre or Hessonite. I like it with Sekhmet Amber and Black Raven, also.

Diplodocus: Resinous Amber Accord, Limestone Amber, a drop of Cacao, Boswellia carterii Frankincense from United Arab Emirates and a drop of steam distilled Oman Frankincense tears we picked from the actual Frankincense tree.

Believe it or not, although I tried all of my decants the summer that the Dinosaur Collection came out, I did not really pursue full bottles of any except Cryolophosaurus. When I heard that the collection was to be resurrected last summer, I decided I needed to try my decants again, and came to the conclusion that I would have to acquire full sizes of all the originals that I had decants of - oh boy! And then there were new ones joining them. I was in trouble. So, I was trying to decide which of these I absolutely had to have, and at first, I had decided since I had Holiday Egyptian Frankincense, I probably didn't need Diplodocus. Well, I fell pretty hard for HEF last summer and found myself layering it with everything, and before I knew it, I had gone through a half a bottle. Panic set in, and I decided I was probably going to need an alternative frankincense, as it was a note I was falling more and more in love with. Diplodocus became a must have, and I am glad I was able to sneak it in my last order before the collection came down. As a stand alone perfume, this is pretty much a linear frankincense - albeit a lovely one. Beautifully woody, you could wear this alone if you were in the mood to wear a sort of single note frankincense, but this lends a wonderful aspect with so many perfumes, I prefer to layer it. Once I layer it with another perfume, the bright, resinous, stony amber comes out to play with the woodiness of the frankincense, and it's heavenly. The cacao is not a starring note, I can find it with my nose only if I keep sniffing, but it plays a lovely supporting role.

TL;DR A perfect frankincense layering note, it does well with adding a sort of grounding to perfumes that might ordinarily be too bright or feminine for my particular tastes, and is lovely paired with the SLs as well to create a duality.

Layering suggestions: Kobalt Dark, Santal Ombre, Egyptian Musk, Crystal, Diamond, or even to add a tad more frankincense to Ember. I've also paired this and love it with Gabriel, Eternal Egypt, and Ozymandias. I love it with several LC perfumes as well; Black Velvet, Black Crystalline Black Fig, Vamp, Anticipation, Blue Lotus, Snow Amber.

Pteranodon: Resinous Amber Accord, Limestone Amber, a drop of Cacao, Pure Sandalwood left to age in the perfume, Santalum Gold, Santalum and a drop of Blue Santalum.

GODS. Gods. This was the one that made me sit up and take notice, why had I missed out on ordering a full bottle, and I need to rectify this immediately! All of the Dinosaurs are fantastic, versatile little workhorses when playing with layering, but Pteranodon became a quick favorite of mine, and dare I say? Yes, I dare, it became my favorite sandalwood thus far. Don't get me wrong, you'll be prying my gloriously aged bottle of SL Santalum out of my cold, dead hands, I absolutely adore Santalum White, especially when spring and summer roll around, but really I can see using it all year...but this, this is special. Samantha tells me that's because it has the most precious of precious, Santalum Gold. Since she sent me a little sample of her precious bottle, I can understand the obsession - there's something pretty amazing about Santalum Gold. It's a little more woody and resinous, more fully sandalwood than the new version Santalum. I love mine, don't get me wrong, but I can see why Santalum Gold is so popular that if one pops up in the secondary market, it is gone within minutes. Ah well, one day I will be quick enough! Until then - Pteranodon. Yes, I can and have worn this alone, and I absolutely adore it. I like it in my hair, it's one of my favorite layering components when I pair it with something and add a few drops of unscented hair oil and run my fingers through my hair. Hnnnnggg. It's hauntingly familiar, it reminds me of when I lived briefly in Minneapolis in the early nineties and I hung out in the head shops and the kitschy little knicknack shops of uptown and the fantastic thrift stores....ahhhh the nineties, it brings me a feeling of nostalgia, for that's when I discovered how glorious sandalwood was. Oddly enough, my mother is a darker creature, and I don't remember her wearing sandalwood during her hippie days, mostly patchouli and musk and especially dragon's blood. She was missing out, I tell you. This. This really evokes some strong emotions in me. So, once layered, again the ambers come out to play, and the cacao is there as a supporting note, but the star is the variety of sandalwoods. You really get a sense of the four once this is layered. I don't know what to say other than IF THIS COMES BACK AND YOU DON'T HAVE IT YOU'D BETTER GET ONE. I'll be picking up a backup. I might not be able to get my hands on Santalum Gold, but this will do.

TL;DR HNNNGGGG GORGEOUS INCREDIBLE SANDALWOOD.

Layering suggestions: Gods, it goes with everything. Seriously. One of my favorite things is to hatch this with a combination of Diamond, Crystalline, and Tibetan Crystalline. Alternately, I'll do Bloodstone, Egyptian Musk, and this (maybe some Amethyst too). It's fantastic with Ember Vanilla or from the LC, Phantasm Kiss. I love it with Egyptian Temple Oudh. Umm, Eternal Egypt, Bastet Amber, Raphael, Black Raven. Ambre Ombre, or even Santal Ombre. I love it with the OPs, Baba, Tawaret, Pakhet, Hathor. I've got a smidgen of my sample of Egyptian Peach Blossom left and it's lovely with that. Polichenelle. Cecilia, Adele, Music, Snow Amber, Patchouli Ombre. There hasn't been a layering combination with this one I haven't loved, so be adventurous. If a perfume seems a bit too sweet or floral, this makes a nice "grounding" effect. Just do yourself a favor and nab this if it comes back!

Tyrannosaurus: Resinous Amber Accord, Limestone Amber, a drop of Cacao, Dracaena Draco of Morocco (Dragon's Blood resin) and Sangre de Grado Dragon's Blood.

One of the things I don't think I've talked about a lot is exactly how much I love NAVA's dragon's blood. I seem to like dark, red, resinous things quite a bit, I mean, Kashmir is practically my signature, followed closely by Bloodstone. So, what is their dragon's blood like? It's that perfect mixture of spicy and fruity. It's so, so well balanced. I don't really like it when a db note veers too much into either territory, leaving the other territory well behind. I want that combination, just a little spicy, just a little fruity, almost delicious. This is another workhorse. Alone, it's a beautifully resinous, juicy dragon's blood with a little kick of spice. It might be too dark alone if you're not into db, but layer this big boy - did Seth name this one well or WHAT? Layer Tyrannosaurus, and it becomes bright and lifted with the amber, and it's possibly even more beautiful than Bloodstone. Wait, what? Blasphemy. Okay, maybe not my bottle of aged, thick, glorious Bloodstone, but it's pretty amazing. Worn alone, T-Rex is a hint of the amber, and the two dragon's bloods. Layered, and he comes into his full glory, the amber comes out to really play, and that lovely supporting cacao becoes just a little bit evident, to give it a little more depth.

TL;DR: T-Rex is a big boy, and this perfume more than lives up to its name. I find it apropos that his scent is dragon's blood. Layered, he is just the right amount of resinous, spicy, juicy dragon's blood and glorious, fresh stony amber. Mmmm. Mm. It makes me hum with happiness.

Layering suggestions: Ember Vanilla, Ambre Ombre, Patchouli Ombre, Santalum, Ember, Black Raven, Mists of Arcacia, OP Anubis, OP Pakhet. From the LC, try it with Phantasm Kiss, Blood Moon, Egyptian Temple Oudh, Copal Oudh, or Pandora.

Utahraptor: Resinous Amber Accord, Limestone Amber, hungry chomps of Kashmir and Black Musk Absolutes, Egyptian Musk and a drop of Crimson and Sri Lankan Black Peppercorn eo.

Oh, Utahraptor. I've listed this last, but not because I love it least. In fact, I adore it, and it's quite versatile - different layering options bring out different facets of this one. I'm sure I've made mention of the fact that I really, really love NAVA musks. Kashmir is probably one of my favorite perfumes. So naturally, I had to have this. Worn alone, this comes across as mostly Kashmir, with a breath of Black Musk underneath, and the amber lifts it up - it might seem like a heavy blend, but it's saved from that by the beautifully clean Egyptian Musk and ambers. Start playing with layering, and while Kashmir, a bold red musk, remains the star, Black Musk and Egyptian Musk come out to play a bit more vocally, and I love that little kick of spiciness in the background of peppercorn. I'm a big fan of pepper in perfumes - Music is a great example of this, I feel, and it's kind of a surprising note, I think that many people would envision it from a cooking spice standpoint, but it's a bit different when added as a component of perfume. It adds a little kick, and it's quite fun. If you've never had the experience, I highly recommend giving it a chance. Anyway, enough about pepper, it's a supporting note here, and gives this "egg" a bit of pizzazz when you hatch it with another perfume.

TL;DR: Kashmir, a bold red musk, is the star here but plays beautifully with the other two musks, Black and Egyptian, when layered. Don't be afraid of the pepper. Despite the musk heavy blend, it's not nearly as heavy as you might think, the ambers lift and brighten this perfectly, and it's quite fun with a variety of different types.

Layering suggestions: Crystalline, Tibetan Crystalline, Santalum White, Egyptian Musk, Ozymandias, Pharaoh Anniversary, OP Baba, OP Set. For LC options, I absolutely am nuts over hatching this with California Redwood Crystal Musk. Also, Underlord Akhenaten, Pyewacket Cat, Pumpkin #2, Copal Oudh, Enigma, and it's amazing with the Byzantium Amber from their 9th Anniversary perfumes.

Okay, whew! That was pretty extensive, I am sorry for the wall of text, but I do hope you'll find my "hatching" suggestions helpful. This really did provide me with the courage to really branch out and become a layering fiend, and now I will layer various perfumes in with my unscented hair oils too, and I get a lot of compliments about how amazing my hair smells. Tomorrow, I'll get the second half of this posted for you, with last year's additions. From the first year, I do not have Spinosaurus, Stegasaurus, or Styracosaurus. Feel free to offer up your own layering combinations with these amazing perfumes! I want to mention one more thing in closing, these are another collection that do even better with age, they become richer and seem to come into their own even more. Have a wonderful evening!

Editing to add a note, and a link to part two! I forgot to mention previously, is that these are lovely when you pair them together! And I've done this several times with different combinations. Pteranodon with Protoceratops or Deinonychus, Velociraptor with Utahraptor, Diplodocus with Giganotosaurus, Protoceratops with almost anything! Hah.

Another thing to mention, if you have eNVie Saphir, many of these are stunning when hatched with Saphir. Definitely worth experimenting with - I have Saphir, Ambre Saphir, and Encens Saphir, and they all do well with the Dinosaurs.

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originalhybridloverfics · 7 years

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Why Can't We Be Like That - Ch13 - Olicity Fic

Chapter 14: Chapter Thirteen

Summary:

The press paints Felicity in an unflattering light. Felicity recieves a visit from a Queen and Oliver has an unexpected visitor of his own.

Notes:

So here’s the next chapter. It’s pretty Felicity-Centric.

Happy reading!

Chapter Text

Usually on the weekend Felicity tended to get in some extra work but that wasn’t the plan.

She was feeling good and she just wanted to relax and enjoy the rest of her weekend stress free.

She stayed in bed till 10 which was a change since she was usually up at 6 in the morning. She didn’t bother with a shower and getting dress until it was almost noon, catching up on some of her shows but then she was getting hungry and craving Big Belly Burger. Plus she knew Carly was working today and that she would have AJ with her and she wanted to see her favorite little man.

Hence she had to get dressed and leave her house, throwing on a simple pair of black jeans and a dark green t-shirt, her hair in her usual pony tail and glasses perched on the bridge of her nose, she headed out to Big Belly Burger.

Twenty or so minutes later she was walking into Big Belly Burger, there was a bit of a crowd but Felicity ignored that and scanned the dine until she spotted Carly at the register.

She walked over bypassing the line, leaning on the counter. “Hey, pretty busy in here.”

Carly nodded. “It is, especially while trying to keep an eye on AJ.” She glanced over a booth not very far away, where AJ was seated and appeared to be coloring. “What brings you by?”

“Honestly I was hungry for a cheese burger and I wanted to see my favorite Diggle.” Felicity grinned. When Carly only seemed to be watching her, like she was looking for something, she tilted her head at her. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m just surprised you’re in such a good mood.”

Felicity’s brow furrowed, okay her good moods were rare but still. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well considering..” Carly trailed off.

“Considering what?”

“You haven’t see the news or read the Starling Gazette have you?” Felicity shook her head in answer. “Don’t you have an alert on your phone for when you’re mention in the news?”

“Yes but I’ve had my phone turned off since last night. I didn’t even bother grabbing it before leaving the house.” Felicity’s brow furrowed. “Why is it bad?”

“You could say that.” Carly pulled her phone out, swiping her thumb over the screen, opening it to the mobile page of the Starling Gazette and there in bold writing read.

A NEW ICE QUEEN IN STARLING

It was accompany by a picture of her from the gala when she was arguing with Oliver.

Ugh, she already knew this was going to put a damper on her good mood. But still she skimmed through the article.

Felicity Smoak has been a public figure for years now. She first was on the scene when she began dating Oliver Queen in his senior year of high school. The pair continued to date all throughout college and moved in together shortly after graduating. It had only been a few months after that it was revealed the couple would be welcoming the new generation of the Queen family into the world.

All seemed perfect in Felicity Smoak’s life. The nerdy girl from a hard working family getting The Oliver Queen, Ollie, the Billionaire playboy and heir to the multi-billion dollar company.

But tragedy struck and the fairy tale story that was Oliver and Felicity took a turn for the worst when Ms. Smoak lost the future Queen heir in a tragic accident that also claimed the life of her step-father.

Shortly after the tragic loss Starling City’s beloved Ollie Queen enlisted in the army and that seemed to be the end of their story.

Until Oliver had returned not too long ago. Sources tell us that Oliver has been trying to reconnect with his former flame but Felicity has been less receptive of all his attempts to make amends and move past their tragic loss.

One would think that Miss Smoak would be happy with our very own town hero’s return but no all he has gotten is malice and coldness from his former girlfri-

Felicity clicked the screen off, not wanting to read anymore. It was so typical for the woman to be vilified in the public eye because God forbid a man be held accountable for his poor decisions.

“This is a bunch of BS.” Felicity muttered, only now glancing around to see a lot of the lunch hour patrons staring at her, most with judging eyes. “Why don’t you take a picture it’ll last longer.” She sniped at a woman staring at her with accusing eyes just a few feet away.

“I take it things didn’t go well at the gala last night?” Carly wondered glancing once again to the Booth AJ was seated.

“You can say that. Oliver was being such a fucking ass and I Just, I had it and I went off on him. It might have cause a scene but it felt so damn good not to bottle everything up for once.”

“Good for you.” Carly smiled, looking a bit proud. “I have a break in thirty minutes and I want to hear all about it.”

“From the sounds of it, it’s already in the news, in the paper, on the cover of the gazette.”

“I’m sure, I’ll like your telling of it better. Besides I’d like to know how you caused a scene with the rest of the Queens and caused a fight between Tommy and Laurel. Speculation is your out to steal Tommy away from Laurel like you took Oliver.” Carly made a face at the over the top speculations of the press.

Felicity barely refrained from rolling her eyes. “Okay, first of all I am not out to steal Tommy and secondly, I didn’t steal Oliver either. I have more self respect than to play the other woman to steal someone’s man.”

“I know but the press love their stories.” Carly responded as she glanced toward an impatient customer just behind Felicity. “Look, why don’t you join AJ and I’ll bring you over some food as soon as I can. Cheese burger, right?”

“And a shake. Chocolate.” She threw over a shoulder with a wave to Carly walking over to her nephew. “Is this seat taken?”

AJ looked up with bright innocent eyes. “Aunt Felicity!” He slid further down on the leather seat. “Come color with me.”

Felicity slid into the booth beside him. “Is that what you were doing?” She glanced at his drawing. “I’m not sure if I have your talent for this.” She murmured as he made drawings of stick figures and whatnot.

“Of course, you can. You’re Felicity.” He pushed some paper toward her and a red crayon.

Felicity smiled at the way he said that and the way his eyes had lit up when he saw her or how pleased he seemed just talking with her. “I can give it a shot. How are you? Do anything interesting lately?”

“Arron, he’s my friend, I was at his house yesterday and his dog just had puppies.” The boy said eagerly. “I want one.”

“Really now? What did your parents say.” Felicity asked.

“Dad said he’d think about it.” His eager expression had fallen into a half pout but he quickly lit back up as he continued. “But mom said to ask again for Christmas and I might just get a puppy. You should get one, too!”

“They are super cute.” Felicity admitted but in all honestly, she worked too much to be taking care of a dog, it would be alone more often than not.

“Aren’t you going to color with me?” AJ said, suddenly looking at her blank paper and the crayon she yet to pick up.

“Yes.” She slid the paper closer to her, picking up the red crayon. “Yes, I am.” She idly drew while watching him with a fond smile, occasionally looking up to see people watching her and while she glared back at them in response she mostly ignored them.

Once she glanced out the window when she thought she saw a flash and saw, a few paparazzi lingering on the street and taking photos of her from a few feet back.

“Why are they taking pictures of us, Aunt Felicity?”

Felicity looked at little AJ, his face full of confusion and child innocence.

“Because you’re one cute kid and they want something to remember you by.” She had no idea how to explain why they were taking pictures of her in a way his young mind would understand.

“Would you mind moving to the back booth with me?” Felicity asked him kindly, not wanting to make him move but she rather not have her nephew end up in the media because of her.

AJ nodded quickly and Felicity could see that he was bothered by his picture being taken by people he didn’t know.

Carly came over just as they were settling in a booth in the back away from the windows, she set a tray down that was filled with three plates, three glasses, she placed a plate of chicken fingers in front AJ and a glass of orange juice. “Go easy on the ketchup.” She told him.

“Was something wrong with the other booth?” She asked as she set Felicity, burger in front of her along with her shake.

“There were strangers taking pictures of us.” Said AJ looking to his mother. “I didn’t like it.”

“It was some Paparazzi. I’m sorry.” Felicity apologized.

“It’s not your fault.” Carly said in understanding, taking a seat across from them, setting her own plate of fries and burger down with a glass of water, and setting her serving tray aside. “I don’t blame you.”

“What’s a papara-papazi?” AJ frowned trying to pronounce the word.

“Paparazzi.” Carly said slowly. “They like to take pictures of other people for money.”

“That’s stupid.” He said, reaching for his food and not at all going easy on the ketchup like Carly had told him.

“Yes it is.” Carly smiled at him. “And I think that’s more than enough ketchup.”

“I like ketchup.” He grinned.

“I know.” She turned to Felicity, who popped a fry into her mouth. “So the Gala?”

“It was going fine at first. I talked with Roy for a bit before being waved over by Thea and things just took a bad turn from there. Roy called Oliver out on his behavior and Moira didn’t take lightly to it, Thea didn’t agree with it either and Oliver got defensive and it was just complicated.”

“I knew there was a reason I liked Roy.” Carly said with appreciation but don’t even get her started on what she thought of the Queen’s. Clearly Moira didn’t believe Oliver had anything to be accountable for.

Felicity went onto explain how Walter stepped in and she met with some members of the London branch before going to the bar where she ran into Tommy and Laurel. “Tommy actually apologized for how unsupportive they’ve been before Oliver returned home and more so when he did. He seemed pretty sincere.”

Carly chewed her food slowly and swallowing it down before replying. “You know, I’ve never been able to understand him. I mean, half the time when he’s in front of the camera it’s like he doesn’t have a care in the world but when he’s not putting on a show he seems serious and responsible. Sometimes its hard to tell which act he puts on is the real him.”

“I think Tommy like myself puts up barriers to protect himself.” Felicity commented. “It’s hard being vulnerable and allowing others to see that vulnerability no matter who they are. Whether their family or a complete stranger. Opening up..it’s hard. It’s unbelievably hard.”

“But you’re doing it.” Carly smiled. “And I think it’s a pretty brave thing to do.”

Felicity chewed on her lip debating whether to tell Carly or not but she felt closer to Carly now than she did most people in her life. “I started seeing a therapist.” She confessed.

“Really?” Carly asked with zero judgment. “Has that been helping?”

“It has, I didn’t really think it would. I don’t necessarily enjoy opening up to a complete stranger but I also find it some what easy to talk to someone who doesn’t really know me or the people in my life.”

“Well, you seem to be doing better to me and if that is the reason I’m glad.” Carly smiled. “Oliver should take his butt to therapy maybe he’d realize what a-“she paused glanced to AJ who was trying to multitask, by eating his chicken fingers and drawing at the same time, getting ketchup splatters on the table. “Jerk he has been.” She amended though what she wanted to say was worse than that and not for the young ears of her son.

“I don’t see Oliver going to therapy.” Felicity admitted. Hell she was still a little surprised that she had started therapy.

“So what else happened?” Carly asked before taking a bite of her burger.

“Then Ray Palmer came over and-“

“Wait.” Carly interrupted. “Ray Palmer of Palmer Technologies?”

“Yes, that Ray Palmer. Robert’s had a few business meetings with him recently. Anyway, he came over to ask if I thought about his offer –“

“What offer?” Asked Carly with interest.

“Oh he asked me to a business lunch and offered me a job at Palmer tech.” Felicity paused. “As head of their Applied Science Division.”

“Oh, wow. That’s great.” Carly smiled happy for Felicity. “That’s a huge opportunity for you.”

“I know but I haven’t given him an answer.”

“You have to take it.” Carly said, surprised that Felicity wasn’t jumping at such an opportunity. “You could have a fresh start away from Oliver and opportunities like this don’t come around everyday.”

“I know.” It was just Robert and Walter had always been good to her. “I just..I need to think about it.”

Carly nodded. “So Ray Palmer?”

“Right. So Mr. Palmer wanted to know if I had made a decision yet and Oliver showed up and God, he was being so pig-headed and we argued. He actually tried to tell me I couldn’t accept the offer. Like he had control over what I do.”

“What an ass!” Carly eyes widened, she hadn’t meant to say that in front of AJ but thankfully he wasn’t paying them any attention. “I Hate it when men think they can make decisions for us.”

“Amen to that.” Felicity agreed. “I didn’t take it to well and I finally went off on him and…”

“And what?”

“It felt..it felt really good to finally get some of the stuff that’s been weighing me down off my chest, his leaving and acting like I was the blame. It just it felt really good to not bottle up my anger.”

Carly smiled. “No wonder there’s so much coverage in the news about you and Oliver. I have to admit I would have loved to see you go off on Oliver.”

Felicity gave a small laugh. “You’re probably the only one.” Well besides Roy, she thought absently. “I left the Gala after that.”

“So telling Oliver off is what has you in a good mood.” Carly smiled. “You should yell at him more often. It’s good to see you more light hearted.”

Felicity offered up a smile. “It feels good. Thanks for listening and being so supportive.”

“Of course.” Carly smiled. She didn’t need Felicity to thank her.

“What are you doing next weekend?” Felicity wondered. “I was thinking we could do a spa day or something.”

Carly sighed in longing. “That’s sounds really good. I can’t even remember the last time I’ve been to a spa. I could really use a day to just relax.” She glanced at AJ who was immersed in his food and coloring, not really paying anything they were saying any attention. “He has a mandatory sleepover with a friend of his on Saturdays and Andy’s been working more on the weekends lately. If I can get Amy to cover my hours on Saturday we could definitely make a weekend of it since I’m off on Saturday.”

“Great.” Felicity smiled. “Just let me know and I’ll set it up.”

“Will anyone else be joining us?” Carly wondered. “Thea? Laurel? Sara? Lyla? Your mom?”

“Uh, no, I thought it could just be us.” She hadn’t talk to Lyla or Digg since she started her therapy and after what happened at the gala she just didn’t really want to deal with Thea or Laurel at the moment. And as for Sara, lately she just felt like she couldn’t really talk with her cause it somehow came back to Oliver and how he was feeling and she was just done with people telling her to consider how Oliver was doing. “But that does remind me, I was going to stop in and see my mom. See how she’s doing.”

“What does Donna think of all this?” Carly wondered.

“I have no idea.” Felicity said. “She’s always likes Oliver but I know she wants what’s best for me and I just don’t want to get into an argument with her about any of this.”

“Maybe you should talk to her.” Carly suggested as Felicity took a long draw from her shake. “She might surprise you. Like you said she’ll want what’s best for you and I think she’ll be on your side. Always.”

Felicity nodded slowly, letting Carly words sink in. “Yeah, maybe I should. I’ll think about it anyway.”

Carly glanced at her watching as she finished up her food. “My breaks just about up. I gotta get back to work.”

“I was going to see if I could spend the day with little man here but with the press following me it’s probably better if I just do that another day.”

“You could keep him company if you like.” Carly offered.

“I think I will for a bit.” Felicity smiled, she looked to AJ rubbing his back briefly. “You mind if I hang out here with you for a bit?”

AJ looked up with a smile. “We can play games on my tablet.” He reached into the bag he had with him and produced the tablet Felicity remembered giving him for his birthday four months ago.

Felicity smiled as he shifted closer with his tablet. She glanced up at Carly. “I’ll give you heads up before I leave.”

“Good.” Carly smiled, reaching out and giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Felicity turned back to AJ. “So what game are we playing?”

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity checked her rearview mirror to see the paparazzi were still behind her.

They’ve been following her from the moment she stepped out of the diner, shouting questions at her about Oliver, their past relationship, the loss of her baby or if she planned on rekindling things with the Queen Heir and now Starling’s very own town hero.

She had clenched her jaw, pursed her lips and kept her mouth shut in response. She didn’t plan on giving them anymore ammunition to use against her or a chance to twist anything she might say around.

Not wanting to deal with this, she was sure to lose them before finally pulling up onto her street, taking note of the familiar town car she could see parked in front of her place.

She steeled herself praying for the patience she was sure she would need.

Moments later she was closing her front door behind her, walking into her living room she was unsurprised to find a Queen waiting for her.

When she saw the Queen family town car she been expecting one of them she just wasn’t sure which Queen it would be.

“You do know it’s a crime to enter a person’s home without the person’s knowledge or consent? I’m sure I don’t need to remind you of that.”

Moira who was seated gracefully on the edge of Felicity’s couch stood in one fluid motion. “I wanted to speak with you in private, I think we gave the media enough ammo to fuel for the public to consume last night.”

“Ever heard of a phone, texting, E-mail, something that doesn’t require you to break into my home and ambush me.”

“Oh, believe me, this is not an ambush.” Moira dismissed. “And I doubt it very much that if I had extended an invitation for you to meet with me at the mansion you would have said yes. Your relationship with my son is quite strain lately.”

Felicity snorted. That was a huge understatement, if it could even be considered that. “Oliver and I don’t have a relationship of any kind.”

Moira stared at her carefully, calculatingly making Felicity feel like she was beneath a microscope. “Is that what you tell yourself? It’s a lie. There will always be something between you and Oliver. This animosity you hold for him is pointless. You both have made mistakes.” Moira cut her with a sharp look. “But it’s time you moved on from them and make amends.”

“You mean I made mistakes?” Felicity shook her head, it was obvious to her that Moira believed her to be the one at fault here. “What mistake did I make? Being in the wrong place, at the wrong time? Not being strong enough to keep my unborn child safe? Grieving my child like any mother would? Holding Oliver accountable for only thinking about himself?” Felicity was getting angrier by the second. “Are those my mistakes?”

“My son has done nothing wrong. He did what he thought was best for him.” Moira defended.

“But it wasn’t what was best for us.” Felicity ground out. “You can dismiss it and make excuses for him all you want but it doesn’t change the fact that Oliver ran because he couldn’t deal. Rather than standing beside me he ran because things got too hard, too difficult for him.”

“Felicity, you know just as much as Oliver does how unbelievably painful it is to lose a child.” Moira cut in sharply, looking at her like she was the one in the wrong.

Felicity felt an ache in her chest from the words alone, cutting the old wound open. “You’re right I do.” Her eyes grew wet but she refused to cry in front of Moira especially when the woman seem to believe that she was the one to blame. “But I didn’t high tail it and run away from the pain like Oliver. I didn’t spend years pretending like it wasn’t the worst moment of my life. I’ve been here trying and trying to put my life back together even though the very thought of moving forward without my son feels like a betrayal, like an insult to his memory, and like its completely impossible! You have no idea how hard it is to move on from that kind of loss. It hurts to fucking breathe just thinking about my baby, remembering him. At least I tried to deal with his loss which is more than I can say for what Oliver did.”

Moira’s gaze turned cold. “You’re entitled to your own opinion, Felicity, but don’t make the mistake of believing I will let you blame Oliver for this. After everything he’s been through he doesn’t deserve this from you. He’s been through enough.”

Felicity could practically hear the threat that went unsaid but she didn’t care. There was nothing Moira could do to her that would be worse than what she already been through. “He’s been through enough?” She laughed bitterly. “I’m sick and tired of hearing about what he’s been through so why don’t you do us both a favor and leave.”

Moira cold gaze if at all possible hardened. “You need to apologize to Oliver.”

Felicity gave a scoff, whirling around and yanking her front door open, throwing a pointed glare back at Moira. “I have absolutely nothing to apologize for.” She squared her shoulders. “I want you to leave.”

Moira walked forward. “Don’t make things worse on yourself, Felicity.” Moira turned on the step to face her. “Apologize to my son so you both can move on.”

Felicity glared, squaring her shoulders. “Don’t come back here, Mrs. Queen.” She didn’t wait for Moira to reply swinging her door shut with a resounding thud.

Felicity ran her hands over her ponytail, a huff of frustration escaping her, her good mood gone completely.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

“Master Oliver, Mrs. Smoak is here to see you.” Raise informed Oliver. “Should I have her wait for you.”

Oliver tried to think why Donna would come to see him. He hadn’t seen her since the Dinner at Digg’s and he couldn’t think of a reason why she would be coming to see him personally. “Yes, I’ll be there in just a moment.”

Raisa nodded and disappeared from the doorway of his room.

As soon as Raisa was gone he checked his phone for missed calls, or texts, something to hint why Donna might be here but he came up with nothing.

After a few moments of basically stalling he went to go meet with Donna, she was waiting in the room his parents usually entertained guest.

“Donna.” He smiled at the older woman. “It’s good to see you.”

Donna didn’t return the smile. “Did you come back here to make my baby girl’s life worse?” She wasn’t gonna to beat around the bush she came here for a reason and she was going to get her point across before leaving.

“What?” Oliver was shocked by her words.

“It’s a straight forward question and one I expect an answer to.” Donna stood from where she had been waiting, leveling him with eyes that reminded him of Felicity when she was frustrated or angry. “Why did you come back here?”

“I..I wanted to come home.” He answered, his brow furrowing.

“Is that the only reason?”

“What more reason do I need?” He asked, he wasn’t sure he liked the way she was looking at him. It wasn’t the usual warm way she would look at him, that fond motherly look he was used to. No, instead it was protective, guarded.

“Oliver just where do you think Felicity got her bullshit radar from?” Donna said sharply. “I don’t believe for a second that’s the reason you came home.”

Oliver looked away from her, avoiding her gaze. “What do you want me to say? That I’m here for Felicity? That I regret leaving? That I wish I could take everything back, make different choices? That I could somehow turn back the clock and fix everything that’s broken between me and Felicity?”

“But you can’t. You have to live with your choices just like my girl has been living with the choices you made.”

There was a tone in Donna’s voice that Oliver didn’t like. Accusation. Oliver snapped his jaw shut, biting his tongue in an attempt to keep himself from lashing out but unable to stay completely silent, he said. “I’m not the only one at fault here.”

Donna’s eyes hardened at the implication that her daughter did anything wrong. There was no wrong way to grieve. “If you need to tell yourself that to make yourself feel better. Fine. I don’t care but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re lying to yourself and anyone who tells you that you weren’t in the wrong are lying to you.”

Oliver shifted on his feet, clenching his jaw. “Why are you here, Donna?”

“If you turned on the news I think you’ll have your answer.” Her eyes hardened just remembering the horrible things the media was saying, the awful light they were painting her daughter in. Her daughter was not cold. She was not heartless. She was a young woman who lost her father. She was a mother who lost her baby before she even got the chance to really know her child. She was not this villain the world suddenly believed her to be.

“What are you talk-“

“My daughter has been through more than any one person should and alone and she is doing her best to continue going on when I can only imagine how painful, how incredibly impossible it must feel.” Donna cut him off passionately. “She doesn’t deserve to be slandered and criticized and made into the villain by the media after everything she’s been through. Everything you’ve made her face alone.”

“Just a minute I-“ Oliver started to protest but was cut off by Donna.

“I wasn’t done.” She said shortly, leveling him with a glare that almost had him flinching back from the harshness of it.

“When you came back I thought there might be a chance for Felicity and you to work things out because I remembered how much you loved one another.” Donna said simply. “I remember how happy she was with you and that’s all I want for her. I want Felicity to be happy again.” She gave her head a shake.

Oliver looked down. He remembered the days Donna spoke of. When everything was good, simple, uncomplicated.

“She was doing better and then you come back and those rare smiles, those rare moments that I’ve seen since everything. Their fading away and I hate it.” Donna stared at him reproachfully. “I hate that she’s unhappy. I hate that you’re only making it worse.” She set her jaw, raising her chin. “It has to stop.”

Oliver met her hard gaze with one of his own. “What exactly are you saying, Donna?”

“If all you’re going to do is cause my baby girl more pain I want you to stay away from her Oliver.” She said firmly, straightening her back and squaring her shoulders. “She deserves more than you coming back and screwing up her life.”

Oliver blew out a frustrated breath. “I didn’t come back here to make her life worse. I came back because I-”

“Honestly, I don’t care why you came back.” Donna cut him off, eyes like steel, her voice full of determination looking like she was ready to challenged the world if she had to. “All I care about is that ever since you did Felicity has been terribly unhappy and that’s the last thing I want for her.” She leveled him with a look and Oliver felt like she was a mama bear protecting her cub and he was the enemy. “If you care about my baby girl at all you’ll stay away from her.” She turned to leave. “I can see myself out.”

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Donna moved toward her front door when there was a knock glancing at the clock in the hallway, seeing it was almost seven in the evening. She wondered who could be dropping by. She was surprised when she pulled the door open to see her daughter on her doorstep with a takeout bag in hand.

“Felicity! It’s so good to see you baby girl!” She threw her arms around her little girl, hugging her tightly, pulling back a moment later but still held onto her arms. “What brings you by?”

“Do I need a reason to come see my mother?” Felicity returned “I just thought it would be nice to have dinner.” She lifted the bag of takeout in her hand. “I brought Chinese.”

Donna ushered her inside, closing the door behind her. “How are you doing?” She questioned, looking at her in concern.

“I take it you saw the news?” Replied Felicity as she set the food on the coffee table before sitting at the end of the couch. “I thought you didn’t watch the news.”

Donna took a seat next to her, angling toward her. “I don’t but Quentin called and told me to turn it on and well I’m sure you know the rest.”

“I’m fine.” Felicity dismissed reaching for the bag of take out.

Donna caught her hand in her own. “Felicity.” She said softly, doing her best not to push too hard not wanting Felicity to pull away.

“Am I happy about it? No but I can’t change it.” Felicity was fighting back the urge to pull her hand away. She didn’t really want to talk about this.

“Shouldn’t QC PR or someone do something about this?” Donna questioned, releasing Felicity’s hand.

“QC PR will put the Queen image first and foremost always.” Felicity opened the takeout bag and started setting the food cartons on the table. “The less of a scandal for the Queen family the better it is for the company.” She set the bag down when she was done and turned her eyes to her mother. ”So you’ve been talking to Detective Lance a lot lately?”

Donna should have figured Felicity would have focused on that detail instead and use it to change the subject. “Not like that. We’re just friends.”

“So there’s nothing there?” Felicity wondered, it was easy to talk to her mother about this if it took the focus off her.

“I didn’t say that.” Donna sighed, and shook her head, looking at the picture on her side table of her late husband. “I just, I don’t think I’m there.” She turned her eyes back to her daughter. “Not yet.”

Felicity had noticed her mother’s gaze. She knew her mother missed her father so did she but she didn’t want her mon sad because she couldn’t move forward. “Dad would want you happy, you know that, don’t you?”

Donna reached out, and pushed strand of Felicity’s hair that fallen from her ponytail behind her ear. “I do and he would want you happy to. And I want you to be happy.”

“I’m fine.” Felicity dismissed. Happy was a foreign concept to her but it was becoming less so. She actually felt like she was making progress even if it was slow going. Like really slow.

Donna shook her head sadly, wanting to reach out but not wanting to push too far. “Felicity, please, just you don’t have to pretend. I know I haven’t really talked to you about this but I was too afraid to push. I didn’t want to push you away or force you to shut down.” She paused, taking Felicity’s hand in hers and holding it. “Just tell me really how you are?”

Felicity first instinct was to dismiss her mother’s concern but her mother had obviously been giving her space because she was afraid that she would shut her out. And she couldn’t to that to her mother when she was looking at her with nothing but genuine concern. “Honestly?”

“Yes.” Donna rubbed her thumb across the top of Felicity’s hand, a gesture of comfort.

“I’m trying to move forward. I am.” Felicity assured her, gripping her mother’s hand back. “I just, I need time and I need people to stop telling me what Oliver needs or how he feels. I need to focus on myself for once.”

“If that’s what you need to do then do it. Don’t concern yourself with anyone else.” Feeling Relief that Felicity was actually talking with her and not pulling away. She just wanted to be there for her without going Donna on her and being too pushy. “Just do what you think will make you happy and I don’t care what it is if it helps you in any way. Your well being, your happiness, that is all that matters to me.”

Felicty felt well up in her chest, appreciation for her mother. “Thank you.” Felicity reached out, pulling her mother into her. She hadn’t realized how much she needed to hear that.

Donna held Felicity tight till she started to pull back.

“We should eat the food before it gets cold.” Said Felicity, reaching for some chopsticks. “So what did you do today? It was your day off, right?”

“I met Quentin for lunch at the new café on Benton and Paseo. But other than that I just been taking the time to myself. Did a little dress shopping. Nothing special.”

Donna didn’t bother mentioning the fact that she had went to see Oliver or what she had said to him. She wasn’t entirely sure how Felicity would take to her involving herself in her personal problems but she felt the need to protect her baby girl.

And if she had to protect her daughter from Oliver than that was exactly what she was going to do.

Notes:

I hope you liked the chapter. Feel free ot leave a comment, I almost always respond back.

#arrow #olicity #oliver x felicity #oliver queen #felicity smoak #fanfic #arrow fanfiction #olicity fic #ao3fic #ao3 update

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ataraxetta · 7 years

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What is your opinion of Gladio during chapter ten? I can't ship gladnoct after playing it.

All right, let’s talk about chapter ten.

To answer your question, I think Gladio was a dick during this chapter, but I think his world was falling apart around him and lashing out in some dickishness is a totally understandable and pretty standard human reaction to that level of upset. He was angry and grieving and feeling powerless and helpless in an intensely high-stress situation and he was handling it badly, in direct contention with Noctis, who was also handling it badly but in an opposing direction.

I think that chapter 9 was an abrupt and brutal awakening for all four of the bros. Up until Altissia, I don’t think any of them had really been hit with the reality stick yet, not the full extent, because they didn’t have absolute confirmation of anything but that Insomnia had been taken, which is too broad to narrow down to personal grief. They knew a lot of people died there, but nothing more concrete than that, and they knew that they couldn’t trust what the papers were reporting which was enough to spark hope that maybe, somehow, their loved ones had survived. Maybe, somehow, things weren’t as bad as they sounded. If the reports of Noctis and Luna’s deaths were false, then maybe the others were too. Maybe, once they got to Altissia, it would be to find that King Regis and Clarus and Ignis and Prompto’s families had survived. Once they got to Altissia, everything would be solved.

So for awhile, in the safe space of the road trip and hunts and meeting people and helping people and exploring a new world they kind of got lost in the storybook romance of it all, all four of them. Fated lovers the Chosen Prince and the Oracle journeying toward one another after so long, making pacts with the Gods in order to take back their home from Empire and save the world from evil with their friends by their side. That would be heady as hell, being at the center of that. And then Altissia happened, city destroyed, Luna murdered, Ignis horrifically injured, complete devastation, lives ruined, and it suddenly wasn’t romantic at all anymore.

I don’t think any of them really had accepted the full reality until they personally witnessed the fallout. Clearly none of them had actually stopped and even considered that Ardyn Izunia was actually a bad person. He couldn’t have been more obvious if he had TRIED that he was Sekritly All Kinds of Evol BadGuy, and they even talked about how creepy and untrustworthy and probably bad news bears he was! Repeatedly! And still none of them actually believed that it was a possibility that that sort of evil actually existed. Altissia made everything real. Regis, Clarus and countless others really were dead. Their home really had been destroyed. People who helped them really were being slaughtered because of the association. Those losses were real, the danger to the entire world was real, the responsibility to fix it was real, and the destiny Noctis had been dreading his whole life was the only option they had left. Chapter 10 is the guys dealing with not only what happened in Altissia but also drowning under the grief they hadn’t let themselves feel yet of everything that had happened before.

Enter chapter 10 Gladio and Noctis - character foils with personality types at different ends of the spectrum who were raised under similar circumstances and came out with very different world views and personal strengths that tend to highlight each other’s flaws - and the clashing of coping mechanisms.

Gladio’s instinct is to fall back on the precepts and moral code he was raised with (loyalty, strength, honor, pride in his calling, along with the kind of mental conditioning that would come with having been military trained from a young age) and hold his head up and carry on, no matter what. He has a goal and a duty to the world/himself/his family to do what needs to be done for the greater good despite the fact that he’s coming apart at the seams. He’ll do whatever it takes to keep moving forward. He has a job to do. They all have a job to do, and nothing can stand in the way of it.

Noctis withdraws. imo, Noctis has been suffering a staggering case of PTSD for most of his life that has never really been acknowledged or dealt with. In the prologue script thing Ignis confirms that Noctis had a drastic personality change after he was injured by the daemon that almost killed him, which happened after he lost his mother at a young age and years spent wanting nothing more than to spend time with his dad and rarely being able to, and before he witnessed the massacre at Tenebrae, and was followed by a long recovery and growing up watching his father slowly die from the power and responsibility that Noctis was going to inherit, as well as having the title Chosen One and all the expectation therein like a boulder on his shoulders since he was 8.

I think this is why he’s grown up so isolated even surrounded by his friends, because he’s cultivated this distance as a means to protect himself, it’s the only way he knows how to keep functioning. He bottles everything he feels because he doesn’t know how to express it and he deals with disappointment by acting passive and/or aloof, and he deals with trauma by disassociating and retreating into himself.

To Gladio’s point, I maintain that being the friend on the other side of those particular coping mechanisms would be difficult/frustrating for anyone, especially someone like Gladio who has always been blunt and expressive and brazenly and unapologetically himself and just can’t fathom the way Noctis’s mind works.

There are several weeks that we don’t get to see between chapter 9 and chapter 10, but it’s pretty heavily implied that Noctis has kept his distance from the rest of them, including Ignis, which is what seems to have been the main motivation for Gladio’s blow up on the train. To him it looks like Noctis doesn’t care, and worse that he’s so tangled up in his own head that he hasn’t even noticed that one of his best friends is suffering. What Gladio sees is Ignis, who has been through just as much as Noctis has since they left Insomnia and who has now also been permanently and debilitatingly injured in the line of his duty (both personal and professional) to Noctis, and who has despite all that powered through the pain and anguish and uncertainty and stepped up without hesitation and is trying, while Noctis has spent the last few weeks wallowing without even acknowledging the sacrifices that have been made in his name, just sulking around with the power of the Lucii in his pocket instead of on his finger like a blatant refusal to take up the mantle and be king and do his damn job.

Of course we have much more Noctis canon than Gladio canon to work with. We know that Noctis has been thinking of nothing else, and has kept his distance from Ignis because he blames himself, and because every part of his history is proof precedent that those close to him will die protecting him, and he’s so afraid of losing them. Just carrying the ring and all its creepy otherworldly whispering around in his pocket is physically painful and he knows the moment he puts it on he becomes a dying man. He feels guilty for wanting to avoid his duty, and the constant fear and insecurity that’s always plagued him has been proven valid and he doesn’t know how to come back from that: he’s failed everyone, including Luna, the one person in the world he swore to protect and the only promise he’s ever allowed himself to make.

But Noctis is incapable of expressing any of this, communication has never been his strong suit (see Prompto never really being able to trust that Noctis cares for him as much as we know Noctis does), and Gladio can’t be blamed for jumping to wrong conclusions when Noctis doesn’t share any of the right ones. There’s no evidence of splintering that’s happening inside. On the outside Noctis is going through the motions but has completely secluded himself and from what it looks like to me, barely spoken to any of them for weeks while he gazes moodily into the distance. That would be hard to swallow.

I’m sorry, this got long and probably mostly incoherent I’m terrible at explaining things. Basically my feelings are that I can and will defend both Gladio and Noctis on all points for their behavior after chapter 9 because I think they both fucked up and handled things badly and that it’s very realistic for them to be human and flawed (for all of them to be human and flawed, which they magnificently are I love these characters so much).

I’m only upset because this really could have been such an interesting plot point and character development and so good if it had just been done well, but narratively the ball was dropped to the point where it just felt unfinished. Noctis and Gladio’s relationship was so strained throughout chapter ten and they were so harsh with each other that we as the audience needed to see them actually reconcile and apologize to each other and at least start working toward trusting each other again. We deserved to see this one loose end tied up for the impact it would have later on, y’know? I feel like their relationship was done a disservice by lazy writing.

#anon #ask #ffxv waffling #god I went on forever I'm sorry #gladio defense squad #noctis defense squad #headcanons ahoy #ffxv spoilers

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