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#But damn people are just cold and hateful for no good goddamn reason
jirai-kei-freak · 29 days
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idk I just hate how mean everyone is, especially my generation :(
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carlandoxlestappen · 2 years
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Reflections | Robin Arellano
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gif creds: @mcllymcdclly​ 
~Robin is aged up to 15
Warning(s): fighting, blood, violent themes, kind of slut shaming, kissing.
“What did you just say?”  Robin asked in a painfully calm voice. One that should’ve told Moose that it would be better for him to back off. But, of course, he didn’t.
“I said that Melanie Blake is hot. You’re going out with her, right? How is she, huh?” Moose replied with a tone that made Robin’s blood boil.
“Oh, so you think It’s funny? Calling a girl you don’t even know names behind her back?” He questioned, having heard what he was talking about before he came over. Everyone in the entire school knew how protective Robin was when it came to the Blake siblings. And for good reasons too. Finney was his best friend, Melanie was his girlfriend ever since they were 12 years old, and Gwen saved him from a goddamn child murderer when they were 13.
Anyone with half a mind knew not to talk shit about any of them, especially Melanie. Because if you fuck with Blake’s, you fuck with Robin, and no one wants to fuck with Robin, except the occasional idiot, like right now.
“Uh yeah, who wouldn’t talk about her when she puts out that much. I’m surprised no one’s-“ Before Moose could even react, Robin’s fist collided with his face, wiping his shit eating smirk right off.
“Listen to me, and listen to me good.” Robin kicked him in the face after he stumbled back. He stepped forward as Moose fell to the ground like a twig and kneeled over him. “If I ever hear my girlfriend’s name leave your dirty mouth, I will make sure nothing comes out of it again, do you understand me?” He asked.
When Moose simply stared at him with no response, he decided to take it up a notch. He already had a crowd, he could use this as a learning experience and show everyone what will happen to them if they do the same thing. “I said,” Robin raised his fist again, ready to make a fucking mess out of the asshole underneath him.
“Do.” A punch to the face. “You.” Another one and Robin could feel the damage to his knuckles. “Understand.” Damn, Moose has some sharp teeth, though some of them were a dark pink color and on the ground next to him. “Me?” Robin stopped, looking at Moose to see if his results were enough. And they were, the boy looked like another punch would knock him out cold, though the blood dripping to the ground was the best warning of all. That’s what people listened to anyway, the amount of blood.
“I-“ Moose coughed up some blood. “I understand.” His voice broke, and Robin nodded, standing up. Moose scrambled to get up, staring at Robin in fear before running away, his friends running after him to give him some shitty explanation for why they didn’t get involved. But it was obvious why, they knew they stood no chance, Robin could take them all out if he wanted to.
The crowd that gathered around him earlier slowly dissolved until there was only one person left, the one he did it for, Melanie Blake.
“Hey, let’s clean you up, okay? ” She said gently, taking one of his bloody hands in hers. She pulled him away from the scene and the two walked inside the school and to the boys’ bathroom.
“I’ll check.” Robin said before letting go of her hand and walking in, checking every stall to make sure there was no one there. “It’s clear.” He said, opening the door and moving aside to let Melanie walk in. She put her bag down and leaned it on the wall, opening it and taking out her first aid kit as her boyfriend locked the door.
“Are you mad at me?” Robin asked, going straight to the point as always. He never liked it when others sugarcoated stuff, so he never did it to anyone, including himself at times.
“Hey,” Melanie stood up, her eyes wide as she put down the kit by the sink. “I could never hate you, you knew that. You were just protecting me out there.” She took his hand and put it in the sink before opening the tap, washing the blood off of his hand before taking his other one and giving it the same, delicate treatment.
“Are you sure?” He questioned, watching her actions quietly as she pulled out a conforming bandage and duct tape.
“Yes, I’m sure.” Melanie responded, before looking at him and seeing his head hung down. “Look at me.” She requested and Robin obliged, looking up at his girlfriend. “I love you, Robin. And there is nothing you could ever do to change that.” She smiled as he nodded along.
“There we go, all done.” She said, letting go of both of his now bandaged hands and allowing hers to fall limp at her sides.
“Thanks, babe.” Robin said, looking her in the eye as he took her hand in his. “And I love you too.” He smiled before leaning down and kissing his girlfriend.
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sunnysssol · 7 months
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Alfred fell for Suzie because he felt like she was the one being whom he could let down his walls for. He was born alone, and he was going to die alone– that was the mindset he's had since he was young. But when he's with her, he doesn't think about hellfire or being damned for all of eternity for desire, or the sins he can never wash from his hands. He loves them because Suzie is familiar. Strong, safe. He doesn't have to worry about geopolitics if he's with her, basically lol. As much as he loves the spotlight, he also, above all, loves his fucking space. Again, he was born alone, and spent so much time being alone that any other way feels odd, somehow. Like he's just playing the fool. But with her, he doesn't have to pull back his emotions, his thoughts. He doesn't have to worry about her judging him even if he knows he deserves it. Instead, when he fucks up, or when he feels especially alone, they take his hand and squeeze it firmly– "We're going to be okay. We'll get back up somehow."
Suzie fell for Alfred because he made things feel possible. Being raised as the youngest daughter of some nobleman or other, Suzie knew early on that their duty to their family prior to being chosen for this job was to marry some wealthy nobleman, maintain his household, give him children, then die. A lot has happened since that little girl left her father's home, but even then, Suzie told themselves that whatever their duty or station in life is, they were going to fight like hell to make it a fulfilling one. She's always been endlessly curious– after a question has been answered, she has at least five more. Suzie wanted to see and experience everything, to have the knowledge, the capacity– the power to make things happen. She's always dreamed of the sky and the stars– and Alfred, with his all-encompassing, boundless optimism and fiery drive to accomplish whatever task he thought was worth the effort, Suzie can't help but feel similarly.
They both make each other discover things about themselves they never would've known otherwise. Alfred had no idea he too, hated the utter lack of complete independence when one's in the spotlight until Suzie told him how they felt about it. Independence to do whatever they wanted, whenever they want. He had no idea he was being so damn scummy until Suzie smacked him with cold, hard facts in the late 80s. He genuinely thought he was doing good things, deluding himself into thinking he was being good. But most of all, he had no idea about the depth of his compassion until she began involving him in her non-official excursions, helping out in communities and such. He loves his people, but just "loving" doesn't really mean anything if he's some kind of untouchable patron saint. Love doesn't mean a damn thing if the one half is unsure about truly returning it and the other is unsure of what, who it's loving. But Suzie was sure. She was always so goddamn sure of everything– and Alfred admires that. Sure, they take a while to make decisions, but they truly take the time to hear all possible reasons, study all possible scenarios, circumventing most problems Alfred would be blindsighted by.
It's definitely not perfect– their relationship has been on the rocks now and again. But the effort, the devotion is there. And, they make one hell of a good team.
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sparxwrites · 2 years
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Play Your Part
[ao3] This fic now has a Director's cut.
“I killed him,” says Grian, as Scar comes up behind him. He’s staring down at Bigb’s grave – at the improvised headstone, the wilting flowers, the little handful of sand poured on top of it like an offering. He doesn’t look sad, exactly. A bit regretful, maybe. But mostly just confused, as though this wasn’t inevitably what happened when you dropped rocks on people’s head at close range.
As though this wasn’t always where they were heading – a red life, a shallow grave, and no remorse.
“Yes,” says Scar, cold and unkind. He stops a few feet from Grian, and makes no move to come closer. No move to reach out and offer comfort. “You did.”
“He was my secret soulmate,” says Grian. He sounds lost, a little. He looks up from the fresh-turned earth, dark eyes drawn to Scar’s red ones. “What am I supposed to do now?”
Scar closes his eyes for a moment, and breathes through the red thump thump thump of his heart. He’s gritting his teeth so hard he can feel his pulse in his molars.
“You play your part,” he says, and though he aims for cruel, he mostly hits tired. “I’m your soulmate. Not him. And now he’s dead, and we’re not, and the story must go on. So. We’re both red. We’re in love. We kill people. We play the game, together. That’s what we do.”
“But–”
“You play your part, Grian.” Scar’s voice is flat, unyielding, and brooks no argument.
Grian, as always, brooks one regardless. He sets his jaw, juts his chin out like a stubborn child. The motion is so endearing, so familiar, it makes Scar’s cold chest ache. “What if I don’t want to?”
“You think Pearl wants to be crazy?” snaps Scar, the tiredness burning away into irritation. “You think Scott wants to hate her? You think Martyn and Cleo want to do whatever the hell it is they’re doing? You think Impulse really loves Bdubs?” He pauses, his eyes hard. “You think I really love you?” Grian flinches. Scar presses on. “No. But we’ve all got our roles to play, and we’re playing them, because that’s how this works. There’s a story to be told, here, and I for one want it over, as soon as damn well possible. And so, just like everyone else on this godsforsaken server other than you, I’m playing my part.”
“I swore– Scar, you know I swore I’d never– I wouldn’t let Them control me again–”
“For once in your life, listen to me,” snaps Scar, grabbing Grian by the front of his jumper. Grian���s staring like he’s never seen Scar before – and maybe he hasn’t, not like this. Not cold with anger, cruel with frustration, face blank and eyes dead. “There is a narrative loose on this server and, one way or another it’s going to eat us all alive. Now– we can either get it over and done with, as quick as we can. Or, we can fight it, and lose, and drag the whole goddamn thing out for no goddamn reason. And we have all, collectively, picked option one – other than you. So.” He shakes Grian, hard enough to half-lift him off the ground. Hard enough he sways where he stands, held up only by Scar’s fist curled tight in his clothing. “Play. Your. Part, Grian.”
Grian gulps. Swallows. Nods, tersely.
Scar lets him go. Raises an eyebrow. When he crosses his arms over his bare, scarred chest, his fingers dig bruises into his own biceps.
“Yeah. Okay,” says Grian, tight and miserable. “Fine. I’ll play the stupid bloody game. Fine.”
“Okay, what?” says Scar, and wishes the victory felt less hollow.
“Okay, beloved.” The endearment sounds like a razor blade in Grian’s mouth.
Scar swallows bile. For a second, the ice in his eyes cracks. There’s heat beneath the surface, a raging, howling fire somewhere just below the cold. Then it’s gone. The ice returns.
“Good,” he says, with a bright smile, and takes Grian’s hand. Pulls him away from the grave. Grian lets him, his fingers cold, his grip slack in Scar’s. “Because, no matter what – the show must go on.”
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the-heaminator · 5 months
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do you take fic requests? like, could I request a platonic brotherly norway and sweden fic, maybe christmas centered? (I don't think I've ever read a brotherly fic between norway and sweden...which is so weird considering norwegians call sweden söta bror "sweet brother". So if you do, I think you will be the first) it doesn't have to be the best fic in the world or super long, just something sweet and family centered would be nice❤️
 do, in fact take fic requests, adn i do apologize for the fact that this will not be the best, considering i know next to nothing about norwegian and swedish relations, this is a bit shitty I'm sorry
[Here on ao3]
You wouldn’t think it, but Lukas was a cuddly bastard, he was one of those people that was eternally cold and that was something that had never changed, not along the damn near 1500 years they had known eachother, a millenia and a half and he was always still a cold bastard, there was a reason he was eternally in jumpers and sweaters and blankets, and his fingers were always so cold.
This was something Berwald was used to, having known him for so long he had gotten used to him being a cold little thing, when he was cold he was a whole lot slower than he normally was, it was like he tried to conserve heat, and it wasn’t that he was particularly lively to begin with, but he always grew slower when cold, and Berwald didn’t like that all that much.
He liked hearing him talk, even if he wasn’t the best at responding, it was nice to hear him talk because as much as he loved Timo, and…tolerated Mathias, they were both really too boisterous, and Emil was a bit like a frightened rabbit around him still, but Lukas was just the correct volume and well, he didn’t have the right word, but temperature of activity, but when he slowed down due to cold, he disliked it.
Sure it was a bit selfish, actually a lot selfish. But for his part, Lukas didn’t seem to mind when he had a hot mug of coffee, mixed with a bit of chocolate and some cinnamon and ginger, pushed into his hand wordlessly, he had grown ot understand what various looks and actions meant of Berwald’s, the man didn’t like speaking unless he had to, and Lukas didn’t want to make him feel any parts uncomfortable.
The coffee warmed him up from the inside and put some life back into his tired eyes, he hated being cold, and the heater wasn’t working today so he really had no other choice to be warmed in this way, no way he could blanket himself over the heater like a fainting victorian maiden, he could see the little smile on Berwald’s face when he did that, admittedly it was probably quite funny to see him try to become one with the heater like a cold, slightly damp cat.
You would think that living in such a cold place would have made him good at dealing with the cold, but it didn’t.
Well, technically he was good at dealing with it, just the way he dealed with it was by slowing the fuck down and trying to conserve heat, effective if not very interesting.
Berwald had also sat down next to him, making Lukas look short when he was anything but, Ber was just really goddamn tall, 5'9 to 6’2.
They all had a bit of a caffeine dependency, but it wasn’t as bad as Timo’s just yet, that man drank enough coffee to give a hummingbird a hearts attack but the he was still standing, either through an absurd rate of metabolism, or, more likely, considering how plump he was, it was that he was just a strange creature. 
Anyways, coffee in hand, warm socks worn and jumpers on, they sat, in relative silence, the silence spoke more than words ever could, it spoke of comfort and trust and a lack of things being set on fire thanks to Mathias and his abysmal record in the kitchen.
It was nice, it was, they had put the lights up for christmas a week ago, Lukas was quite reasonable with this and did it about a week and a half before christmas came about and took them off after new years, after he recovered from the persistent hangover or buzz that came with the feverish time between Christmas eve and new years day (or two), it was hard to tell where the buzz stopped and the hangover started.
It spoke of quiet and it spoke of warmth. Not a romantic warmth, that was reserved for Timo, in Berwald’s case, but that didn’t make this any less nice, warm and happy.
Warmth was good, it felt less like he was buried under cold molasses, and now more like he was under warm honey, still thick and slow, just less so, less like feeling there was wool in his head, now just cotton, coffee would wake him up, usually do at least, but right now it just sent him to sleep.
“Söta bror.”
He did not wake up, which was fair, he was breathing all slow and sluggish now, honestly, how did caffeine make you sleepy.
He put a blanket on the sleeping man, keep him warm as he slept, he would not appreciate being airlifted to something softer, and besides, the sofa had his body practically moulded into it, it had Mathias in it too, the sofa was an old saggy thing, very well loved it was.
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bonesandthebees · 8 months
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The end:(( sobs cries wails
Time to loop bittersweet symphony
Oh yeah i forgot about the surprise bday jdsvfkgkf tommy is so SWEET i hate him sobs hes sooo<33
I LOVE THEM SO MUCHDHFJDKDF
the fucking fire IM LAUGHFOGNGKG i loved this bit so much its so funny ohmugod
CRIMEBOYSDSS AAAAA SOBS CRIES WAILS
THEY MAKE ME SOOOOOFFGOFUAVEKFKGJDKS
Its sooo lovely:( this fic is so lovely i want to cry picturing the house they live in :( they mean the world to me :( i love hats so much
Petition for u to write a chat fic /hj
The texts are some of my fav parts of this fic 😭 theyre so fucking hilarious bee, I'd consume the shit outta a chat fic if u wrote one
THIS IS SO CUTEEEHDISOFJG IM GOING TO CRYYYDHFJGJ AAAAAA
I love techno shfkgklgf
I FORGOT ABOUT PLAN B IM SCREAMIGNGKDHSIFOFODGKFOSHF HELPPPPP
OMG CIDERRR
When i first read this fic I'd never had cider and was against alcohol bc i thought it all tasted like shit 😭😭 but then once i turned legal age i had cider and DAMN BRO i love cider sm...
I had this delicious berry flavoured one... somersby... so good FHGKKG
I honestly was shocked that i liked cider considering that apple flavoured things normally make me feel nauseous, but cider tasted diff enough that i was able to enjoy it !!!
AAAAAAAIFIVPDUWROFHSBFKFJDFJKDB SCREAMING CRYING PISSIGN MYSELF OHMGUDODHFKGJD OHMGUDOFOD FANS FACE SHFLGOFN I CANT DO THIS OHKHUDOAHDFKSHF FOGMYHUDODDFOAGDOFGSKDHSKFJD THEYRE BROTHERS THEYRE ACTUAL BROTHERS KHMGYDODHDKFMS
"I love you"
NOBODYYYYY MOVE NOBODY FUCKING MOVE OHMYFUCMINGOGDKFHSKFJSOSJFMF
U are SO good at writing music into fics man... ur so good at describing it
ANGELDUO HUG NOBODY MOVE
Youre such a talented author bee, i don't think I'll ever get over just *how good* u are at writing
The way you describe stuff... sk well so pretty rahhsss
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
;-;
I love this fic so much
It is 2 am whoops... worth it tho ❤️
This fic makes me feel so whole i adore it with everything i love ti sosoososo much:( i think it gen might be my fav fic by you... it is so lovely:( it means so much to me
eueueueueueueudufufjgigkg
Also damn yeah bittersweet symphony fit this fics vibes sooo well, its just been on loop for half n hour shfjgkg
Okie i go sleep now, thanks for being the best author ever ❤️❤️
I loved writing the surprise birthday party in this for many reasons. for one thing it felt natural after I wrote about wilbur throwing tommy a birthday party in nocturnal animals, and also I wrote honey and tangerines over the course of the summer. in a way that timeline of tangerines followed real time, because I wrote the wilbur surprise birthday party in mid to late september which is roughly around cc!wilbur's actual bday (yes yes I know he could be lying about his birthday but it's the one we all go with) so it just felt very fitting time-wise
the fire 😭 I love writing tubbo's antics so much
"petition for you to write a chatfic" you do not know the war flashbacks you just gave me with that
you wanna know why I'm good at writing funny texts? it's bc I have experience. I'm never going to publicly reveal my old ao3 (not really out of embarrassment but bc I don't want people I know from that account to find out I'm writing mcyt fic bc I will legitimately lose friends), but on that old ao3 when I was 16 I wrote a voltron chatfic. and it got somewhat popular. not super popular or anything, but it was my most popular fic up until I started writing for mcyt and it's how I really learned how to write humor. anyway the voltron fandom was the worst fandom experience I've ever had and I hated the ship the chatfic was centered on by the time I finished it bc the fandom was just so goddamn annoying about it. anyway yeah I can't write chatfic anymore it brings back war memories LMAO
I love cider man I love going to a bar and getting a nice cold cider if there isn't any beer I want. it's just so refreshing! and yes not all of it tastes like apples! I had a pineapple cider at a bar recently and it was so good
god I had so many emotions writing the card scene between crimeboys just waaaaa tangerines crimeboys i miss you
I'm so glad I write the music in my fics well, I try so hard to integrate it in a way that feels natural and doesn't pull the reader out of the scene
bittersweet symphony is a song that means a lot to me for many reasons so I usually have a rule to never include it in anything I write so it just stays as something for me, but it fit too perfectly for this fic for me to not throw in there and I'm so glad I did
thank you icy you're so sweet I'm really proud of how I wrote so much of honey and tangerines it's definitely one of my favorite things I've done. I'm so glad you enjoyed your reread :D
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enzombie · 1 year
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I just finished season 4 and im. Im ruined. Ive already watched the show like 6 times btw but FUCK. GOD DAMN
Blaine being truly honest for the first time in as long as we've known him by telling angus he made the sign from god, only to get a reality check when his dad isnt as selfish and cowardly as he is, except thats such a mindfuck because his dad is a horrible awful child abusive son of a bitch, and it must have been so confusing to watch the church devour fraud bater under angus's orders. How eagerly angus watches blaines reaction, how he so hopes that makes up for everything, its sickening. Especially at the end of their arc where if i got it correctly, enzo sold them out? Told FMG they'd be coming and led them to a trap? And we saw angus and his flock get shot down. I cant help but feel bad for blaine
Peyton refusing to let FMG get away with moving up the time of the execution, marching into that studio and taking iver the broadcast, being the REASON people SHOWED UP at the warehouse and being right there with johnny fucking frost of all people, and ravi right by her side.
Major leaping over the crowd of soldiers to tackle chase, raging out completely and rightfully after all the shit he had to do for what he believed to be the right cause, only for the leader of that cause to spit in his face by trying to execute the love of his life. Because despite everything they still love eachother still and major is so goddamn pissed hes not gonna let another person murder his kids and get away ith it (even tho we saw so little of captain seattle i do not rememebr his actual name. Or jordans half the time)
Liv's stone cold expression at pulling the level and crushing chase's skull, and being so right about it too. Still tho, it wasnt enough to bring levon back, just like every time she tries to do the thing she thinks is right, someone she loves dies for it. When she tries to shoot blaine on sniper brain but cant, lowell tries to and gets killed. When she saves the chaos killer victims and clive from dying to a zombie, that zombie just had to be drake. When she tries to help human-zombie relations (misguidedly) and save lives by being renegade, she gets a front row seat to levons head being crushed. Her pain is so real idec chase is done with. It wasnt a good ending for her and i can feel that so clearly, even with that hopeful ending scene
My friend and I talked abour how selfish Liv can be when we started watching together (her first time), but how selfish can someone be when they give up the cure for their ailment twice for other peoples happiness?
And Chase. God. That entire decline during the latter half of the season was brutal. When thwy announced renegades execution and the video came out, he was done it was over, there was truly no coming back from this. He was so out of it at the point of the supporters breaking in that his voice cracks when he shouts at major to stop and when he says dont shoot and hes scrambling wildly for some form of control, in this case a gun that he places his head right on the gillutine. I think its a mercy that he died so painlessly.
At least Dale and Clive got a happy ending to the season though, getting married and getting the cure. Clive calling liv partner when they were saying goodbye in chase's office, it was just so bittersweet
Hope its okay that this is so long i just wanted to dump my thoughts onto someone ^^ this show is phenomenal i cant recover from this tonight.
DAMN. THATS A LOT OF WORDS. DAMN.
I uh idk how to respond to most of this cus there's so much but I'll try my best (also why this took so long to reply sorry)
Blaine is a mixed feelings character, he's a fan favourite and he's always enjoyable to watch. Angus on the other hand idk a single soul who likes that bitch. Say what you will about Blaine, but Angus was EVIL. Shout out to Enzo for killing him off fr. We are grateful. All my homies hate Angus.
Also Enzo didn't exactly sell them out, he more completely set them up - he went directly to Blaine and Angus to make sure they went the exact route, made sure he was there for all the final plans, he collaborated directly with the US military to get rid of Angus and his pals. Like it wasn't a split second betrayal it was a planned execution, he knew full well Angus would take the bait and was probably hoping Blaine would too. I'm not sure if it was even an official FG operation because as far as we know, Chase didn't hear anything back from Enzo about the church. He didn't tell the press his name, he was the only FG personnel there - I'm sus that he just took it upon himself to deal with them. King behaviour.
And yeah Peyton was girlboss at the end of season 4 but it's like. When her bestie in danger she got all this proactive shit but when she's acting mayor the energies like half that. Makes me mad.
As for major. Little sympathy. Oh did your child soldiers get killed? Maybe child soldiers are a bad idea? Maybe you wouldn't be upset if you didn't have children as soldiers in the first place? Maybe giving untrained children weapons is guaranteed to go badly and end with them injured or killed? Do you think? Like. Honestly. And the way he was with Levon. Major was weird in season 4 idk. And I disagree with them killing Chase. There's so many worse people in the show that she can't bring herself to kill but Chase she executes without hesitation. He wasn't even that bad. I don't think its very fair for him either. Like he was trying his best to keep Seattle under control, and renegade was actively making everything worse. And if you think he was doing a bad job what came after in season 5? With Major: terrorism and hatecrimes peaked and he did nothing, he made Seattle completely reliant on Blaine who (bless him) is not trustworthy and not a good person and is obviously going to be a controversy. With Enzo: the second he took over, Majors mistakes blow up and Seattle dealing with civil war. Not to mention Enzo isn't great at de-escalation, at any point - not even just when he's in charge, since his introduction he walks in and makes situations worse on purpose (can't help being a girlboss)
As for your question about Liv being selfish - it's shortsightedness. She'll do selfless things that make her feel good but she won't consider the consequences. Stuff like giving up the cure is fine, not really any consequences, she gets to help her friends. The renegade stuff, she gets to scratch sick people and feel good about it - but the whole of Seattle gets closer and closer to dying horribly every time she does. It's like only caring about what's directly in front of her. Irritates me a little tbh. Especially when she's one of the only zombies not experiencing the food shortage so it's just this whole privilege thing while thousands of people are at risk.
Clive and Bozzio are so precious I love them so much they deserve everything. That's all.
Anyway, hope you and your friend enjoy season 5✌️
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squeiky · 8 months
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Like, I’m wearing a mask right now for my own personal comfort as well as a way to ease my anxiety- and half of the time I use it for anonymity, or for the style, when my nose/face is cold, escape form bad smells/smoke, or simply because I like having it on.
Why does everyone have to antagonize that? God, it’s so fucking annoying.
I understand people antagonizing others for stuff they wear is not a new concept by any means- but this shit was a necessary thing for basic safety. Like a thousand people wore it and it was REQUIRED.
Like I thought if I started wearing legit facemasks in the shape of those bubonic plague bird masks- THEN people would start getting buddy fit. But no. Can’t even fucking handle- not respect goddamn cutesy pikachu masks or simple abstract designs.
Hell, people see me take it off sometimes (when I need to eat or drink) but that’s not enough so it? I have to be just like them- to make THEM comfortable.
It’s just so annoying. It’s not vulgar. It doesn’t say anything. There’s a thousand reasons why someone would wear it other than for a global virus- and yet I swear people just-
I fucking hate humans y’know? Have to keep reminding myself in the good of humanity but damn if one day im going to go apeshit and it will NOT look pretty. Im very close to flat out just wearing bubonic plague masks or some cool gas-mask type shit right now because this bullshit had occurred way to many times.
And if I’m scared? I’ll buy a goddamn brass knuckle.
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simulacraproject · 1 year
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Getting Smaller
I'm just a face in the crowd. Nothing to worry about.
I ripped my heart open in front of her. I felt the last strands of my tainted body tear and snap under my claws as I dug, deeper and deeper, to be free.
But the world's so empty.
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I'm empty, with it. Whatever I was, it wasn't me. No way to make that make any goddamn sense, but it makes sense to me on a level that words do not. I feel, as in with my skin and bones, what I feel, as in with my heart: empty. Everything's lighter about my body, and everything is heavier in my hands. I know it wasn't the Balefire pulling my strings all the time. A lot of those swings when I would fight were me.
Is this what it feels like to just not care? Because I...I don't anymore. I don't think I have anything to care about. Eleos was dead, his daughter hates me (and with... I don't know if I have the heart to say she has a good reason to, but I'm not exactly innocent either...), and it's not like Aria's coming back any time soon either.
I spent so long taking this world for granted and smashing everything up that I never realized just how little I had. There's...me. And there's uh. Well, there's my sword. Which is also me. Guess I should name it something at some point. It's got horns and a dark, sinful nature, just like me.
I just don't feel anything here. The me from a long time ago told herself that she'd fight for these people or protect them, but even then, that's just a cause she made up to make herself feel better.
Not like that's out of character for me. Eleos was about all I had in terms of a cause. I went along with him because it was easier that way. I didn't have to think. It was a simple sequence: Was Eleos being harmed? Then I passionately stood up and guarded him with my life. That mindset seemed like it gave me something to sleep at night for, something to look forward to the morning, but it didn't give me fulfillment. It gave me an excuse. It didn't fill the hole in my heart, it put a nice poster over it and hid my vapid nature from the world, and myself most importantly.
Walking the streets this cold as shit night though, it's given me a very, very stark reminder. I am alone. Not just in these streets, but in general. I'm alone. No one's a Skyfarer, or god forbid a Sintouched, though nothing makes me angrier than seeing so many of these god damn "Aur Ruhs" running around. They sure as hell come dangerously close. That's no help, either. Imagine walking the streets barely understanding what you are anymore, and seeing millions of people who look like you. Same horns, same scales, some even the same face. But they're not a monster like me; None of these people (to my knowledge, anyway; Hammer sure does change her form constantly) are weird shapeshifting blood monsters. I mean, I can be anything. I can turn my body into any goddamn thing I want. My sword's my fucking ribcage.
…Monsters, Sara? Seriously? Are we calling ourselves a monster now?
The line between a fucking puddle of my own blood and my own existence is thin, and that's something I don't think anyone has ever said about themselves unless they were seriously inebriated. This isn't human anymore. I'm not human anymore. There were human things inside this fleshy body before I pulled that fire out. Bones. Organs. Muscles. Hopes and dreams. Fears. ...Love. Maybe I'm right, maybe I am just a monster at this point. Because no human feels this way. In fact, humans feel to begin with. I...don't, anymore.
The Balefire was snuffed out, and in that moment, I was able to boast at my opponent like everything was fine. But. It wasn't fine. I was putting on a front for her. After all that fighting, the only thing I could think to do was tell her that I'm okay. It's easier to say "I'm alright" than to tell her the truth, that I probably just ripped out the very manifestation of my soul.
But I just feel so...
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I walk through these crowds and I just feel so...distant. I hear everyone going about, happily conversing with one another, even in the dead of night. They used to annoy me, sometimes even anger me, but I just don't...I don't care anymore. Not in a good way, either, like being happy despite it, but more like I can't feel anything in response to it.
It's like I'm not welcome here. Like I don't belong, even if this is my "home" now. My real home's destroyed, and my "home" before that kicked me out before it was destroyed too. Everyone I grew up with probably hates me, and the woman I loved was stabbed to death by my hands because I couldn't hold that goddamn flame back. I think the Vee-Ayy border would be more welcoming to me at this rate. Maybe a stray bullet'd put me out of my miser-~~
The writing trails off. There's a jagged line as the word trails off, the page lying blank with several teardrops at the bottom of it. The lowermost right corner is torn, and singed at it's edges.
In an angry hand, the foot of the page simply reads,
...I'm so fucking sick of being alone.
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despairforme · 2 years
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Close, body to body - though a hairs width apart. Cold meeting hot, Kerberos stared through lashes at the taller, the thinner, the paler -- but something about 'em sang to them. He couldn't put his finger on it yet, or sink his teeth in - yet either. Still, attention eased from their face to neck, shoulders to chest and waist. Ending at knees before his head rose once more with a smirk of full teeth - sharp and curved - a predator sizing up another but not in the fashion of asking for a fight. Instead - genuine happiness. "Mr. Gilga, I take it?"
Hands slide from silken pockets of blackened pants, blazer open and showing the nudity beneath its red inner layers. Hand opens with heavy palm - warm palm - to take theirs when given in a firm grip. "Kerberos, with H. Gates Security. Kerb is fine. Pleasure's mine, Boss."
      He HATED THIS. He hated everything about it. It was humiliating, and he wanted to throw himself in front of the next approaching buss. Perhaps that was why the agency had assigned him a goddamn mother fucking bodyguard. As if - AF FUCKING IF NNOITRA NEEDED IT! He could DAMN well look after himself! Being treated like he was some damsel in distress was making him seethe. All he was going to do was go see a potential client. Basically, he’d go there, try on some clothes, and they’d go all heart eyes and book him. That was what always happened. For some fucked up reason. In a way, he kind of understood it. The whole point of a model was to be noticed. People had always given him attention because of his appearance. Because he was tall. Skinny. Because he had big teeth. Because he had long hair. There were lots of things that made people notice him. It reminded him of freak-shows, where you’d look at people with deformities or whatever. You sure as shit didn’t look at those people because they were pretty. Though... Nnoitra had gotten a lot of compliments on his appearance after starting in this job, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it. Who wouldn’t like being called ‘ good looking ‘? As long as they didn’t give him that shit about him looking ‘ androgynous ‘, which, he had later understood, meant girly. Absolutely FUCK THAT SHIT!
     He was not in a good mood.
     The same could not be said for his bodyguard. The word left a bad taste in Nnoitra’s mouth. And he already had a bad taste there! Because he had had fuck-all to eat today! Just a protein-shake that tasted like egg! What the fuck! The bodyguard was tall - not as tall as himself, of course - and had that sort of strong-jawline face that everyone would call ‘ handsome ‘. He had sharp teeth too, which showed when he smirked. Nnoitra was wearing a deep furrow between his thin brows. He had the feeling he was being judged by this guy. Being looked up and down like this was something he’d gotten at least a little bit used to, but it felt different when it wasn’t for a job. Yeah, he was definitely judging him. He was probably thinking something like: Yeah, no wonder a skinny bitch like this needs protection. FUCK! Nnoitra was gonna beat his ass! If only a non-violence policy hadn’t been a part of his fucking contract. Life had fucked him over big time.
      At least the guy, Kerberos, as he introduced himself as, was polite. Calling him ‘ mr. Gilga ‘ and ‘ boss ‘. It was still weird for Nnoitra to be referred to politely. All his life he had been trash-talked and had people treat him like he was nothing. It was a big adjustment to suddenly be socially above someone else.
     What was up with Kerb’s ( Nnoitra was adopting the nickname, since it was easier to remember ) get-up anyway? It looked like he was the model, and Nnoitra the body-guard. Damn, that wouldn’t have been so bad, would it?
      ❝ Yeah, ‘daz me. ‘N Nnoitra ‘s fine. ❞ Felt weird to be called ‘ mr. Gilga ‘. Made him sound like his dad. ❝ Let’s just get this straight. I don’t need ya. So if ya wanna run off ‘n do whatever, go ahead. ❞ Was he being unnecessarily aggressive? Yeah. Was it because he was in a bad mood? Also yes. He just didn’t want this muscular bodyguard to think he needed protection. Asshole. 
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just-jordie-things · 3 years
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A Lover And A Fighter - Richie Tozier
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word count: 3122 warnings: swearing, sight sexual harassment summary: Richie promised (y/n) that he wouldn’t get into fights anymore, but sometimes he just can’t help himself.  Especially when it comes to protecting her.
___
It was an understatement to say that Richie was protective of you.  The boy was downright insane about it.  Everyone in Derry knew not to fuck with (y/n), not unless they wanted Richie Tozier tracking them down and beating them half to death.
You’d given him a talk numerous times.  But not once did they work, it always went in one ear and out the other..
He’d beaten up three ex boyfriends, a couple guys that looked at you the wrong way, and Greta Keene.  He was proud of that amount.
But he’d promised that he would try his best not to act out on your behalf anymore.  And you made him pinky promise.  That’s a big deal.  And he didn’t want to break your trust or your promise.
However… once he walked past Henry Bowers and his dumbass friends, and heard your name being mentioned, he couldn’t stop himself from getting involved.
“What was that?” He spoke before he could think things through.
The boys turned to him, each bearing a scowl that wasn’t out of character.
“I said, (y/n’s) not fucking worth it,” Henry practically growled out.  “Now why don’t you fuck off, Tozier?”
“Your damn fucking right it’s not worth it,” Richie spat back, turning away, doing the right thing.  “I’d break your goddamn nose” He muttered under his breath.
“It’s not worth it to try and get in her pants,” Henry called out before Richie could walk far enough away.
He stopped in his tracks.
“Cause she’s such a slut anyways, it’s not a real victory to fuck-”
Richie had never whipped around so fast.  And with the punch he delivered went all common sense, and all the promises and reassurances he’d given you to prove he was going to ‘mature’ as you’d begged him to do. ___
“Hey, Richie,” You held your phone between your ear and shoulder as you painted your toes.  “This is like, my fifth message… so… call me back, I guess.  Okay, bye”
You sighed as you set the phone back on it’s holster.  Richie wasn’t the type of guy to stand you up, especially on taco tuesday.  And even if something came up, he always always, called.  But now he couldn’t even bother to return one of your calls, leaving you to assume that he was upset with you for some reason, and therefore ignoring you.
You weren’t sure what you did, and at this point, you also weren’t sure that he was going to tell you either.
When Richie didn’t want to talk to someone, he was the damn best at avoiding them.
But he’d never given you the cold shoulder.  And there was a time that you’d thought he never would.  Richie was your best friend, you trusted and confided in him more than anyone else, even the other Losers.  And in the last seven years of being his best friend, he’d never treated you this way.  In fact, he always treated you amazingly, like a princess, it was very surprising actually, the way he cared about you.
It was that care that always led him to picking fights where he shouldn’t be, though.  It started with your ex boyfriend.  He broke up with you once a ‘better, prettier’ girl showed interest (his words), and the next thing you knew, Richie was throwing him against the lockers.
When your next boyfriend straight up cheated on you, Richie took care of him too.
He broke the third one’s nose.
And then there was the Greta Keene incident… Beverly may have let it slip that Greta had been writing nasty rumors about you in the girls bathrooms.  And Richie declared that he didn’t have a problem beating up a girl if it was justified (and if that girl had man arms).  That was when you drew the line, and made Richie swear to try and control his anger.  And he pinkie promised to work on it, and that he wouldn’t get into any more fights over you.
You weren’t sure why he got so enraged over these things.  It was just drama, and you found it pointless that he tried to bring you justice, since he was so reckless about it.
It was getting late, and you knew that Richie wasn’t going to return your calls.  So you finished painting your toenails blue, and decided to spend the night in your room, reading, alone.
Even though you should have been eating a bunch of tacos and gossiping with Richie.
Just as you got situated in bed, and had turned off the overhead light in exchange for the soft glow of your lamp on the bedside table, there was a knock on the window.
When you glanced over, you could tell it was Richie by his silhouette, and you frowned slightly.
Nonetheless, you got up and unlocked the window, before sliding it open.
“Where the hell have you been?” You asked.
He could tell that you couldn’t see his face very well.
“Busy, you gonna let me in?” He grinned.
“Richie, it’s-” You glanced over your shoulder to the alarm clock on your table, before glaring back at him.  “-midnight.  Are you kidding me? Did I do something to piss you off?”
“What? (y/n/n), no-”
“Then how come you were dodging all my calls? And you’re seven hours late?” You asked, crossing your arms over your chest..
Richie crawled in through the window, even though you hadn’t invited him in yet.  But he figured it was only a matter of time before you cave anyways.
Your distressed face disappeared as you caught sight of him now that he was in the light.  His left eye was bruising, and so was his right cheekbone.  Along with a split lip and a bloody nose, it was clear what had happened.
“Oh, Richie…” You mumbled, hand reaching up to cover your mouth as your eyes widened at the sight of him.  “Tell me you didn’t-”
“Look it’s not what you think-” Richie tried to protest.
“Don’t give me that shit”
He knew he fucked up, because you weren’t yelling.  Your voice was soft, and low.  You were heartbroken.
He stared down at the ground, too anxious to look at you anymore.  Not when you looked so disappointed in him.  
“You promised- you-you pinky promised me-”
“I know-! I know and I’m sorry, really, I’m really fucking sorry” He told you, desperately hoping that you’d forgive him.
You shook your head at him, and gestured for him to sit before you left the room.  Richie was the most frustratingly complicated person that you knew, and it drove you insane.  Why he couldn’t just walk away and not beat the shit out of people… you weren’t sure.  But it really hurt you that he didn’t even seem to try, and he broke his promise.
Richie was sitting on the side of your bed when you came back into the room.  He chuckled as he eyed the first aid kit in your hands, the same one that you’ve used the last four or five times you dealt with the aftermath of his episodes of rages.
“You don’t have t-”
“Yes I do” You cut him off and unpacked what you’d need.
You were upset, you were fuming, actually.  It angered you that Richie broke his promise, not even a month after making it.  That promise was important to you, because he was important to you.  And now here he was, waiting to be fixed up by you once again after he so stupidly, so recklessly got himself beaten to a pulp.
But no matter how angry you were, you remained silent.  Dabbing at the excess blood under his nose, which at least wasn’t bleeding anymore.  And when you were finished with his cheek, you moved on to rubbing cream over the bruise on his cheek.  Richie’s eyes fell shut as he sighed in relief at the feeling of the cool lotion, and your gentle fingers.
He knew your silence wasn’t a good thing.  In fact, it was the worst thing.  It meant he messed up beyond redemption.  And he’d never fucked up that bad before.  Sure, he’d pissed you off and frustrated you on the daily, but that was just the hallmark of his friendship, and it was never anything serious.  Just when he dragged you out in the middle of the night for slushies, or got you in trouble in class because he was running his mouth.  He’d never made you this genuinely upset before.
“(y/n)-”
“Save it” You muttered before he could even start with the apologies.
That was another hallmark of his friendship.  You knew what came next.  The apologies, the excuses, the begging for your forgiveness, followed by a playful ‘you know you love me, you need me’ and puppy dog eyes that you couldn’t refuse.  Except tonight, you might just be able to.
He took you by surprise when he didn’t protest, and snapped his mouth shut.  Your eyes met his for a moment, before you started applying a smaller amount of lotion on the bruise surrounding his eye.  It was going to look a lot worse in the morning, but this would help with the pain now.
You hated that your heart ached for him right now.  You hated that you wanted to cry and hold him and make him feel better.  Because you were so fucking mad-
“I don’t understand,” The words suddenly spilled out of your mouth, as if your mind just couldn’t take them swimming around in your head anymore.  “I just- I- I don’t fucking get it”
He nodded, ducking his head down, only for you to lift it back up by his chin and continue with the lotion.
“I care about you, dumbass, and all I asked, which I thought was simple, all I asked was for you to stop with the fighting-”
“I know” He mumbled back.
You stared at him skeptically, wondering if he really did know, or if he’d show up again in a few weeks with the same battered face and guilty look in his eyes.  Richie didn’t look back at you.  He couldn’t.
“Who?” You asked, trying to soften your voice so he wouldn’t whither away from you like he was doing right now.
“You’re not gonna like it” Richie answered, fingers pinching at your bedsheets in an attempt to distract himself.  From the pain that burned across his whole face, or from the intensity in your eyes, he wasn’t sure, but he needed the distraction.
He hadn’t had a smoke in months, but it sounded pretty damn good right now.
“Well, newsflash, I don’t like any of this,” You told him.  “But I think I deserve to at least know what happened”
Of course you do, Richie hung his head in his hands.  You deserve so, so much better.
You watched as he rubbed his palms over his eyes, and it took everything in your power not to take his hands and hold them in yours, to tell him it was okay and you forgave him.
“Bowers”
He muttered the single word without even looking at you.  But he didn’t have to look at you to know exactly what you looked like in that moment.  You probably had a dropped jaw and furrowed brows.  Disappointment, disgust, anger, all displayed in one heartbreaking look.
“Richie…” You murmured without meaning to.  “Why? Why would you-”
“I had to, okay?” He shot up suddenly.  “I know that you hate it, and as soon as I swung I- I knew I fucked up, but I had to”
You wanted to argue it, argue that there’s always another option, that he can always walk away.  But you bit your tongue.  Something about the way he spoke told you that there was more to this than his stupidity.
“I’m sorry, (y/n/n), I am.  But I… I don’t regret it”
Your heart sunk all the way down to your stomach.  Richie had such a toll on your emotions and he didn’t even know it.
“Tell me what happened” You said quietly, and shifted closer to him.
You wanted him to know he had your undivided attention, and that he should have the chance to at least explain what happened.  You pulled your leg up to rest on the mattress, and turned your body to face him.
Richie looked at you before looking back down at his hand, which was now fisted in your blankets.
“Richie,” You hummed, brows furrowing as you saw how reluctant he was to opening up.  “Tell me” The words were so soft, it was almost inaudible.
You wondered what Henry could have done that Richie didn’t want to tell you about.  He must have really outdone himself.
“He was just talking shit-”
“Richie,” You cut off his bullshit before he could even start.  “Come on, the truth”  
“It’s not-”
“I deserve to know, Tozier! Whatever it is, I don’t care, okay? Just tell me-”
“He said you weren’t worth sleeping with!”
Just like that, you’d gotten him to snap.
And you shut up instantly, shocked by the outburst.  His words processed slowly in your head.
“He said it wasn’t worth trying because you’re- because you’re a slut, and it wasn’t fucking true!” Richie continued to yell.  Not at you, he just couldn’t contain his own anger anymore.
And you thought you were pissed.
“Motherfucker had your name in his nasty fucking mouth and he was telling his buddies fucking lies and I couldn’t- fuck I couldn’t walk away.  I should’ve fucking killed him”
You were staring at him, speechless.  You should’ve known it was about you, Richie was always so fiercely protective of you.  And Henry’s wouldn’t be the first nose that he’d broken protecting you.  But this wasn’t like before.  He’d beaten on your ex boyfriends after they broke your heart.  Henry hadn’t said or done anything to you, he was just doing what boys do.  (Make shit up because they think it makes them impressive when really they’re even shittier than they look)
“I didn’t mean to break your promise,” Richie huffed.  His face was slightly flushed after his mini tantrum.  His hands grabbed both of yours, holding them close to him.  “I’m so sorry I put you through this again”
You were still silent, but he knew this wasn’t a bad silence.  You were still processing, still trying to figure out how to forgive him while making sure this was the last time he crawls through your window looking like this.
“I hope you know that it came from a place of- of caring about you,” He added.  “Caring about you too much, I guess” He mumbled as an afterthought.
Your stupid lovesick heart skipped a beat at the sweet words.  Richie wasn’t one for words, at all, but he somehow managed to say the most loving things without even realizing it.
“I can’t promise it won’t happen again, that much is clear.  And if Bowers says one more goddamn thing about your ass I’ll fucking string him up- I will- but I can promise I’ll try, okay? I will, I’ll really try”
He squeezed your hands a little bit, hoping you believed him, hoping you trusted him.
Your eyes flickered between his for a moment, and you could see in them that he was being sincere, and that he was broken up over hurting you.
“You…” He started to speak, but trailed off unsurely.  “You deserve better” He finished.
His eyes flickered to yours for a brief moment, before he turned away.
You shake your head, before you let go of one of his hands, and took his chin between your thumb and index finger, turning him to look back at you.
“(y/n/n)-”
You cut him off when you leaned in and gently kissed him, trying to be mindful of his split lip.
Richie’s eyes remained focused on your closed ones, too stunned to close them, or really kiss her back.
He wanted to kick himself when you pulled away.  He managed to miss his fucking chance because he was too slow to do anything about it.
Your eyes fluttered open in such a beautiful way Richie swore you were holding his heart in your perfect little hands.
His brows were furrowed like you’d confused him, and you absolutely had.  He hadn’t expected you to kiss him.
“Why’d you do that?” He asked breathlessly, and your cheeks burned pink.
Your shoulders raised a bit in a shrug, and you had to bite your lip to keep from smiling too much.
“I just… wanted to” You whispered.
A smile twitched on the corner of Richie’s lips before his hand cupped your cheek, and he pulled you in again, so he could kiss you right this time.
Your lips were just as soft, if not softer, than he’d imagined they’d be.  And he’d imagined countless times what they’d feel like.  Daydreaming in class, before he fell asleep, and being right by your side for the last seven years.
Kissing you was bliss.
He did it again, taking your face in both of his hands and pulling you impossibly closer.  He could feel your lips smiling against his own, and once again, his heart was beating out of his chest trying to get to yours.
“I’m in love with you, (y/n/n)” He murmured when you parted, and you laughed softly.
“That makes sense,” You replied, reaching a hand up to play with the curls on the back of his neck.  “And… I love you too”
Richie gave you a sunshine smile, which you couldn’t help but return.
“I’m still upset, by the way,” You told him, still playing with the curls.  “But only cause I’m tired of seeing you covered in bruises, okay?”
He nodded, and you leaned your cheek further against the palm of his hand.
“I promise to try” He said, and then raised his pinky.
You looked from his hand and then back to him, a slight glare in your eyes.
“Come on, just do it,” He urged, you rolled your eyes, but he was persistent.  “Just link fuckin’ pinkies with me”
With a giggle you hooked your pinky with his, and held it for a moment.
“You want to go get tacos now?” He asked, and you grinned, nodding your head.
“You read my mind” You answered, and followed him back out the window.
It dawned on you that Richie was both your lover and your fighter.  And he held those titles proudly.
As he took your hand and walked alongside you down the street, he decided there were no other title he’d want to be labeled, besides yours. ___
taglist: @thegr8kush​
xoxo ~ jordie
952 notes · View notes
tteokdoroki · 3 years
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dick destroyer december | i. midoriya
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♡ pairing: izuku midoriya x fem!reader.
♡ word count: 6.2K
♡ rating: mature, 18+, mdni.
♡ genre: college!au, fluff + smut.
♡ summary: with no nut november over,  finals complete and christmas right around the corner, your number one boy returns to you with only one thing on his mind.
♡ warning(s): please read ! heavy smut, pwp ( characters aged up to twenties ), drinking, mentions of alcohol, mentions of poly!kiribaku, unprotected sex ( wrap it before you tap it y’all ) wall sex, fingering ( female recieving ), light!pet play, spitting, cum play, mentions of sex toys, exhibitionism, oral sex ( male + female recieving ),  light!praise, heavy!breeding kink.
♡ author’s note(s):  merry christmas everyone! i hope despite the circumstances that you’re all able to enjoy the holidays and are staying safe, if you’re not celebrating i wish you a wonderful day as well!! anyways here’s a little festive fic to satisfy you guys and tysm for 2K+ followers <33 find the corresponding kiribaku fic here!
♡ masterlist | requests
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ever since you’d started college, your roomate, katsuki had always said that november was his favourite month of the year; it took you a while to figure out why.
having known the blonde since you were a child, you were aware that he despised the cold weather that nipped at his nose and made his quirk slow down. he hated wearing extra sweaters and begrudgingly asking your mother to make him some hot chocolate whenever he came over to play; in fact he hated asking you for it now as adults in your early twenties but as his good college roommate from freshmen year, you made sure he always had a mug waiting. nonetheless,  katsuki’s sudden love for the winter months  and festive weeks following honestly confused you to your wits end— especially with the impending doom of finals sneaking up on you.
however, you quickly found out the reason behind your best friend’s change in attitude towards the month of november, six months into your freshman year relationship with  izuku midoriya.
“no nut november,” katsuki had purred into the neck of his beer bottle, rolling the cool glass against his bottom lip as he laughed at you from across the room. you had recalled the conversation to have occurred exactly half way through october, before the aforementioned month, you and your roommate had decided to host a small gathering with your classmates— purely fulled by thirty boxes of pepperoni pizza and beer, only two of the boxes had been vegetarian for your friends mina ashido and denki kaminari ( he was challenged by mina to go green for an entire month. “that’s why i love this month s’fuckin’ much.” 
bakugou ended his sentence with a swig of his beer, setting the now empty bottle onto the coffee table that had been a house warming gift from his own mom. the sound causes todoroki and sero to jump from their place playing cards against humanity with your girl friend momo on the floor, and kirishima ( bakugou’s crush at the time, who’s drunk and passed out in the blonde’s lap ) to flinch awake. katuski pets his red hair once, making kirishima blink up at him affectionally.
your boyfriend, izuku, fidgets under the intimating stare of your roomie and you can tell he’s fighting the blush that spreads rapidly across his freckled cheeks.  “n-no nut november?” your baby squeaks out, large palm settling on your lower waist as you shuffle to get comfortable in his lap. it’s clear he hasn’t taken part before, so you know exactly what your best friend is doing. trying to tease him in front of all your friends and pull him into something that you’re going to hate. nonetheless, deku downs the rest of his own alcoholic drink as bakugou prepares a response— the rest of your friendship group now pulled into the conversation.
“katsuki bakugou, don’t be mean.” you scold with a bite into your grease laced pizza and offer up the rest to izuku, who politely passes. you pout.
“‘m not, just sayin’— that damn month will be the only time of the year that i don’t get to hear you and the goddamn nerd fuckin’ like rabbits all the time.”
this time, its you who fights an embarrassed look on your face while your green haired lover simply swipes todoroki’s shot from the coffee table and swallows it all at once. the dual haired boy only groans before rising to get another from the kitchen and the rest of your friends hide their giggles in their own drinks, cards and half eaten pizza slices. “you…you can hear us?”  you squeal incredulously, causing your friends to snort out loud again. izuku still says nothing.
“baby, we damn near almost see you whenever we drop by!” kirishima mumbles with sleep curling in his tone, he stretches like a cat on bakugou’s lap and grins at you— sharpened teeth dazzling under the LED lights in your living room. they flicker to a deep green, but you barely notice it.
abandoning your pizza as a whole, you huff and push up the sleeves of izuku’s hoodie that you wear— just about ready to pummel your best friend into the ground for having people over while you…ahem…get some, but shoto returns from the kitchen quicker than you anticipate and cuts right through the chatter with ease, giving you little time to feel flustered by the sudden turn in conversation. “you guys are more sexually active than my parents and they had four kids, messed up with raising us from touya, though,” he says in his iconic monotonous voice, causing you to splutter and katsuki to kick his feet out in victory. “seriously, i doubt midoriya would be able to beat any of us at this no nut  november thing ‘cause of it.”
this time, deku ( as so affectionally nicknamed by your childhood best friend ), pouts, his frustrated voice bleeding into the conversation. “c’mon, don’t you have a little faith in me, shoto?”
“no.” is todoroki’s simple answer. you flinch, did you guys really have sex that often? to the point where no one believed your boyfriend could go a month without getting his dick wet?
“i second that,” kaminari pipes in, picking a mushroom off of his pizza and leaning over to plop it into sero’s mouth.
“third it!” the latter adds.
your roomie takes that and runs with it. “he wouldn’t last a day even if he tried.”
“leave it alone, katsuki.” you find the courage to defend yourself through your flustered state without realising the buzz of beer and vodka shooting through zuku’s veins.
it takes quite a bit to get your boyfriend drunk, he was a big boy after all and played for your college football team but once the drink was through his system he often broke out of his shy demeanour and into one of confidence and challenging your beloved best friend. izuku’s grip on your waist tightens as he leans forward to point accusingly at the blonde before speaking. “wanna fucking bet on it, kacchan?” he says with sparkling emerald eyes and a honeyed voice that makes you twitch in place in his lap. of course you would get horny right in the middle of your two best boys having a drunk argument.
“what’chu say nerd?” bakugou slurs, pushing poor kirishima off of his lap and to the floor in order to stand up and cross the room towards your boyfriend, pointing a finger in his face.
izuku pushes the digit away, smirking up at the blonde drunkenly and everyone’s gaze in the room suddenly falls on them. “i bet that i can last longer in no nut november than you.”
you whimper from your lover’s lap, knowing that as soon as everyone clears out you’re going to pounce on him before this stupid bet takes place. this doesn’t go unnoticed by the girls, momo and mina, who tease you for having such a high libido but you don’t think they’ll understand how much you’re going to suffer without your broccoli haired boyfriend’s dick every other night. 
you love izuku and katsuki, you really do— but its times like this, for the sake of your sex drive and love life, that you really wish they’d got along more. maybe it was their little battle for your affection that caused the rift between the two, after all katsuki had been the only boy in your life up until college and izuku, you were pretty sure was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with…either way, their rivalry was getting in your way and was about to be a major cockblock for the next thirty days. “hold up you guys, don’t i get a say in this?” your voice comes out in a slight whine as you tug on midoriya’s fitted shirt, but he’s too busy having a stare off with your roommate to notice. “what about me and my needs?”
“it’s not about’cha, shitty girl.”
“stay out of this, yn.”
you huff, pushing yourself off of your boyfriend izuku’s lap to stand and smack the pair of losers upside their heads before joining your girls on the floor. mina pulls you into a comforting hug, trying to distract your mind from the fact that it’ll be deku dick-less for a month while momo serves you out a set of cards to join her in a game of cards against humanity with the other boys lounging on the floor— kirihsima is invited into the game too. “sounds like i’ll be getting you a dildo as an early christmas present!” ashido comments, swiping her deck off of your hand me down rug before anyone can see them.
momo grins at you while you take your cards and take another shot from poor, unsuspecting shoto. “better make it extra thick, we know he’s got a nice one on him, yn.”
“fuck you guys.”
“gladly, we’re not taking part of no nut november like those two idiots.” the black haired girl hums, shuffling in her seat to start the next round. you roll your eyes and turn your gaze to watch the green and blonde haired boys you adore so much fight over this trivial guys only event.
their cheeks are flushed from all the beer they’ve drunk and they’re leaning on each other for support, but that doesn’t stop them from going at each other. “you couldn’t beat me, even if you tried, shitty deku.” katsuki mumbles, arm around midoriya’s head— forcing the poor boy into bakugou’s large pecs. “haha...shitku…”
“oh try me, bitch.” your boyfriend counters, voice so husky it sends shivers down your spine, although it contrasts deeply with the sight of his adorable cheeks pressed against katsuki’s tits.
they’re too drunk to brawl it out and quite frankly you’re too tired to bother to stop them, mind only wondering how you plan to survive the next thirty days.
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three years, three novembers and a few weeks into december later; you’re still wondering how the hell you’ve survived.
ever since that night in your freshman year; izuku, bakugou and the other boys have competed vigorously to last throughout the entirety of no nut november; your boyfriend having won the last three years in a row. katsuki hated it, losing to your izuku but he hated the victory sex you gave him even more. 
you’d think he’d be used to it by now, with everyone in their final year of college but bakugou had manage to luck out this year on not hearing you and midoriya go round after round on november thirtieth. finals had hit you guys hard in terms of wrapping up the semester before christmas; they were important to pass too, considering you’d all be graduating within a few months, so you’d barely seen izuku since november ended and december rolled around.
now, being a couple weeks into the festive month and with finals drawing to a close— you had yet to make plans to see your boyfriend. there was little time between the online classes and preparation from the holidays, yet you could feel yourself growing more sexually frustrated by the second. rubbing one out wasn’t doing it for you anymore and listening katsuki’s bragging about his peaceful nights of sleep while you decorated your apartment with mistletoe and tinsel was really starting to tick you off.
the very decoration slips from between your fingers as bakugou walks in, yanking bits of tape from his fingers from where you had him lining the ceiling rails with gold, green and red tinsel. the blonde had only gone and slammed the door to your living room against the wall, grumbling about the stupid mess of clear tape across his clumsy fingers— the action scaring you half to death before you huff, facing him. “what, katsuki? what could you possibly need right now?”
his vermillion gaze picks up from his smoking palms,  a last resort to getting rid of the tape. “came to tell ya that ‘m headin’ out with kirishima— going to pick up our girlfriend from the airport.” a sweet blush lays loosely against your best friend’s cheeks at his admission, not long after you guys’ drunken night in freshman year, bakugou had confessed to your red headed companion; only to find out he had a girlfriend waiting for him in his hometown. 
kirishima wasn’t a cheater, but he also couldn’t help the flutter in his heart around bakugou— so had the two meet straight away and after a lot of tears and large dramatics, the three settled into a cute little relationship. you’d only met the girl once when she visited both boys for spring break— but you’d loved her and knew how much she made your best friend happy.
you smile nonetheless, picking the mistletoe up from the floor. “tell her i said hi, yeah?” you mention to your friend while he shrugs on a jacket and checks himself in the mirror. katsuki was in love, and it was insanely adorable to see. “do i need to set up the guest bedroom for her ’n kiri?”
“nah, shitty red head kicked out kami, he’s staying with sero and mina while my girl’s up.” katsuki shakes his head, letting you fix the collar of his jacket after you bound over to him. “we’ll be back after lunch to pick up some of my stuff though. so don’t do anything fuckin’ stupid and i’ll see you later, yeah?”
you cross a finger over your heart but the mischievous smile on your face gives you away. “no promises katsu, stay safe out there!”
your smile drops however, as soon as your roommate closes the door behind him, knowing him and kirishima, they’ll probably fuck their girl across all the surfaces in eijirou’s free apartment, which only makes your stomach churn with hot jealously and a hint of arousal. 
selfish of you as it were, you wish your boyfriend hadn’t chosen such an intense subject with so many finals and intense studying— but izuku loved engineering almost as much as he loved you, so its not like you would ask him to give up his passion.
besides, you figured he’d look pretty hot in his mechanics classes—sleeves rolled up to his elbows, scared hands on display while sweat drips down his furrowed brow and—
and fuck me, now you were as horny as a mother fucker.
a familiar ache appears between your thighs while you attempt to busy yourself with the rest of the festive decorations; you hang a wreathe at the door both inside and out, tape the remaining tinsel around counters in your kitchen and finally attempt to fix the christmas tree katsuki insisted wasn’t lopsided ( even though it was ). but no matter how hard you worked om christmas-ing the apartment, you couldn’t shake the fantasy of midoriya railing you against his work bench. it wouldn’t go away.
patting your cheeks to calm your hot flush; you decide that you’re done bedazzling and fix some christmas lights above your doorways to go with your LED ones, and get ready to take a cold shower and hoping that the wetness between your legs will go away. you make a  b-line for the bathroom, not bothering to bring a spare change of clothes since katsuki isn’t home. it’s not like he hasn’t seen you naked before.
you’re half way through your commute, wearing nothing but one of zuku’s old shirts when the front door jingles and busts open from the other side of your home. foot steps pound against your hardwood floor, letting you know someone is approaching.
“fucking hell katsuki, stop slamming the door against the wall before you make another—“ your words die in the back of your throat when your sweet little boyfriend comes into view. albeit a bit dishevelled, deku’s green hair falls prettily over his excited eyes while sweat rolls in tiny droplets from his forehead to his chin and his backpack hanging half off of his shoulder…in all honesty he looks a mess, but a good looking one at that. “zuku? what are you doing here?”
your lover looks bewildered, but a smile that fills you with warmth crosses his face. “i ran across campus to see you; i finished my finals…” he pants, the engineering building is pretty far from here so no wonder he looks the way he does.
despite knowing this, you quirk a brow. “still doesn’t answer my question babe.”
“november is over,” izuku sighs, dropping his backpack and crossing the room towards you in three short strides. When he reaches you, scarred hands curl around your waist while soft lips tickle the shell of your ear with deku’s next words. “it’s christmas…don’t make me wait. i want to fuck you.”
you don’t miss the way bight green eyes darken and drag up your hand naked body, your boyfriend’s shirt ending just above your knees and exposing the meat of your thighs to him. the wetness pools between them, making your skin glisten under familiar flashing LED lights and tinsel. izuku is waiting for a. sign...anything for you to give him consent to take his prize between your legs, electricity crackles in the air and you instinctively reach up to curl your fingers in his curls. “fuck me, izuku.” you say breathlessly, unleashing a month and a half’s worth of hormones out onto each other. “fuck me like you mean it, big boy.”
the teasing lilt to your voice earns you a spank to the ass as deku lifts you up into his arms and over his muscular shoulder. you squeal in delight at the harsh sting, leaning down to pat his ass too. he’s got a particularly nice one and you’re sure it was carved by the fucking gods. 
the green haired boy hauls you over to the kitchen counter, setting you down atop it before his lips find yours in passionate and hurried movements. its been so long since you’ve kissed him, felt his muscles ripple under your touch while your hand roams his chest underneath the varsity jacket he wears.
you push the offending material off while izuku trails a hand between your thighs, chuckling into the kiss at the slick that adds a glimmer to your skin. his pink tongue darts out to lick a stripe across your bottom lip, begging for permission to enter your hot mouth. you grant him access, swirling your own pink muscle around is and suck it down. your breath hitches as thick fingers finally come into contact with the burn of your heat, gently prodding at your puffy, sticky clit. “you’re…doll, you’re so fucking wet already. did you miss me?” your boy moans breathlessly in between your sloppy kisses, pulling away to show you the string of your slick that coats his fingers. you nod in agreement.
izuku taps your lips once and you obediently take the digits into your mouth, humming at your sweetness that invades your tongue, all the while, his other wandering hand shoves two digits into your wet cunt with no warning— making you shiver on the counter while the tinsel you’d taped there scratches at your calves. both sets of fingers thrust into your openings at the same time, giving you a friction you so awfully desire.
“such a good girl, dollface— fuck, i f-forgot how good you looked sucking on my fingers like that.” midoriya whines out and you’re not sure which of your holes he’s referring to, but you couldn’t care less, not when those that stuff your tight pussy are curling against the walls in a way that has you leaking sweet nectar all over your marble surfaces. you gush at his praise however, bucking your hips into his hand while the heel of his palm grinds into your swollen clit— sending shockwaves through your body.
the fingers that plug your mouth are pulled out so the darling sounds of your moans mingle with that of your dripping heat, walls clenching around izuku every once on a while. your lover grinds against the table, watching you with close eyes as your face contorts into expressions that he’s missed so dearly. one thrust into your spongy g-spot makes your body jump and thighs close around your boyfriend’s hand— head falling forward against his shoulder. “mnn, zuzu... haven’t felt this good in s’long, gonna cum, gonna mess up your hand.”
to your dismay, deku pulls from your cunt faster than you would have liked and you whine at the empty feeling in your stretched out hole. your heat makes an awful dripping sound when you’re fully empty, and you grunt knowing that its a mess you’ll have to clean up later. 
however, you’re easily distracted by the lips at your collar bones, painting bruises into your sweat licked skin while slick hands paw at your breasts. “cum on my face first, please?” its cute how desperate izuku is, but you can’t say that you aren’t either— especially when you haven’t fucked in so long.
“yes, god yes…” you accept too quickly while your shirt is pulled off completely; for midoriya’s mouth as moved from pressing hot kisses to your neck onto biting at your breast and rolling the hardened nipple of your other with his free hand. “but, wanna suck you off too ‘zuku…”
your boyfriend doesn’t hesitate with his next movements, kicking off his pants and boxers ( in one go, mind you ) before  picking you up once again and sinking to the floor with you in his arms. he makes quick work of flipping you onto your tummy, pulsing cunny shoved so close into his face that you can feel deku’s nose bump your clit when he breathes and then;  your face rests so easily on the swell of his thigh— right next to his hardened cock that you’ve missed so much.
izuku midoriya is a god and you swear by it.
your friend’s were right, he is packing. he’s thick and girthy, tip angry and red as it leaks heavily with a clear precum that has you drooling. “missed your dick, zu,“ you sigh, mostly to yourself and before you know it, your lips enclose around the head of his cock.
the way you suck on it, as if you’ve been starved of your last meal makes izuku shiver with pleasure and his nails dig into your peachy ass. you roll his balls between your fingers, loving the delicious whimpers you manage to lure from between your boy’s lips and the sound makes your pussy spasm around nothing.
a weighted palm moves to the back of your head in order to push you further down on his cock, deku’s own hips bucking up so you swallow more of him down. the taste of him is dangerously addictive, saltiness dancing across your tongue. “suck my dick sweetheart, yeah? suck on it just like that, good girl.” the hot breath from each of his choked laments brushes against your eager cunt, dampening your skin even more. he dives right in, tongue slithering between your puffy folds while he slurps at you with at  insatiable place. 
izuku craves to make you feel nothing but ecstasy, working his pink muscle hard against your walls that clamp down on his tongue while yours runs laps between the dribbling tip of his iron hot length. inhaling sharply, you force yourself to take more of deku down your throat, listening out for the tears that sting in his emerald eyes wen you swallow around him. You hum with sweet victory when his breathing stutters and hips jump up with excitement.
you’re both close, sensitive from the time you’ve spent away from one another, but neither of you can find it in yourselves to care. the room rises with temperature at every step you take towards orgasm, deku taking your cheeks in large, calloused palms and spreading you apart to spit directly into your hole. you swear on your life you’d never known pleasure until you’d met izuku, as no matter how much time you’d been apart, he still knew all the little tips and tricks to get you going. where to hold you, how to touch you, what to say. he was always so focused on making you feel good.
your head bobs up and down with an inconsistent pace, each time, your tongue mapping out the veins on his girth that you’d come to know so well, hand’s fisting at balls and the rest of his cock that you can’t reach.
“i’m gonna…doll—puppy, i’m gonna cream in that mouth of yours… please,” a strangled cry. “i-is that okay?”
you tap his thigh once, your own little signal to let your boyfriend know it’s okay before continuing your work— letting drool pool in your mouth before spewing it onto his cock. deku pulls his tongue from inside of you, flicking it rapidly at your clit to bring you closer and closer to the edge, not wanting to cum without you. and he doesn’t, the cord that’s built up in your stomach finally snapping.
white flashes behind your eyes as you gush all over izuku’s face, drenching his freckled cheeks and painting his innocence with a layer of your honeyed sin. Your lover follows shortly after, filling your mouth to the brim with a heavy load that tastes of him and only him. a taste that you could fall in love with every single day. “baby,”  you giggle after letting go of his cock with a satisfying ‘pop’, heat spreading beneath your skin as you take note of the slight shine to the green haired student’s face. “think you made me squirt!”
“guess i did! you’re always so cute when you squirt for me, yn,” and like the messy boy he is, midoriya wipes his mouth on the back of his hand ( always a poor eater, couldn’t keep his meal in one peace ) before peeking at you from over your quivering and arched back. izuku smiles proudly at his handy-work of your messy cunt, radiating a billion rays of sunshine and your heart clenches in your chest. you hate how cute he looks when you’re in such a lewd and compromising position, like he hadn’t just fucked you dumb under the mistletoe. “should’ve been on my dick ’n not m-my tongue though...”
“i wouldn’t be opposed to another round, if you aren’t.”
“like hell i could say no to being inside you after a whole month of waiting, doll.”
you roll your eyes, but wiggle your hips back into your boyfriend’s face nonetheless. “then dick me down deku, destroy me.”
with your boyfriend’s help, you manage to crawl off of his lap and wait patiently on your knees as he stands. izuku beams down at you, a hundred and one words of love written in his eyes that glow warmly under christmas lights before he pets your head and reaches for your hands to help you stand on shaky legs.
the first kiss you share after this is gentle and sweet, even while your tangled fingers are set free and deku’s large hands are once again on your waist, rubbing small circles into the skin of your hips as he backs you into the nearest wall. you simper at the taste of yourself on his tongue and allow him to hoist you up by the backs of your thighs— locking your ankles at the centre of his back and just above bis bum— all the while keeping you pressed against the wall.
the outline of izuku’s length presses hotly against your weeping slit, his lips still slotted against yours in a slow liplock while his tip smears the remains of his seed across your clit and between your folds. you feel your boyfriend’s arms quiver around you as he slowly begins to sheath himself within your spamming pussy— jolting away from his lips, your mouth falls open in a weak moan and the green eyed boy quickly follows you, copying the movement of your lips as his sweaty forehead meets your own and your gazes align sweetly. “doll…” he mumbles brokenly, letting you adjust to the push of his cock against your walls. “been so long since i felt you like this…”
your fingertips reach out and graze his shoulders, hot breath fanning out between your bodies as izuku’s cock reaches the hilt inside of you. he stills. “move baby, can’t wait anymore— “
izuku midoriya doesn’t need to be told twice when it comes to fucking you; finally making the move to bottom out inside of your pussy. heat blossoms in your heart and your glistening mound as your lover gently rolls his hips against yours and the way he feels reminds you that your mind, body and soul belong to him and him only.
although you are finally together, moving as one against the wall in your shitty college apartment, you crave for izuku to fill you to the brim and reach up to tug at mossy locks in order to bring him impossibly closer.
you don’t dare close your eyes as deku sets the pace, not even as your gaze on him flutters, you want the image of his blushed and blissed out face imprinted to into the back of your mind forever, you want the sounds of struggled whimpers and skin slapping against skin to become the tune of your memories. you want your senses to be filled with him always and forever as make love against tinselled ceiling rails and mistletoe above your heads. all you can think is more, more, more. more of him, more of izuku.
“focus on me, puppy,” izuku reminds you, grinding his pelvis against you every time his hips canter into you. his cock grazes the entrance of your womb, leaking into you like a cocktail of your arousals. but the neediness behind his words makes you blink away the glassiness in your eyes, locking your arms and legs around him tighter and grinding your hips down to meet the drive of his cock into your spongy g-spot. “your cute lil hole’s still so tight, nice ’n moulded into the shape of my cock— made to take me, right?” your boy babbles, tripping over his sentences through the saliva on his tongue.
the feeling has you stirring against your boyfriend’s length, his now rapid pace sending your teary eyes rolling and you mewling. “made for you ’n only you ‘zu, please don’ stop…” is all you can say, mind breaking as midoriya’s hands drop between your joined bodies to draw lazy shapes into your puffy nub, the movements silky due to the mild mix of juices coating your sexes.
each thrust from your lover sends you a little bit up the wall, head of his cock catching tastefully along the ridges of your velvety walls— the way your pussy feels inside drives izuku to the brink of insanity, you’ve always been able to take him so well and he missed the way your cute face curled into expressions of desire all for him. you’re so pretty, so intoxicating and he’s so happy to have you back in his arms.
“s-such a good girl for me, yn…fucking hell puppy,” izuku punctuates each of his toe curling thrusts with stuttered cries of your name, angling his hips upwards to hit your g-spot over and over. everything feels so sloppy, tainted with signs of your love but as the knot in your stomach begins to unravel, you couldn’t care less. “gonna make you mine, gonna fill you up and make you my fucking puppy.”
“’m already yours, always will be zuku,” you manage to speak, clenching down on him and letting out an almost pornographic moan as deku drills into you with the last of his strength.
he nods against your foreheads that remain pressed together, staring at you with adoration written across his seafood eyes. “love you, doll…love you s’much, you did so well baby…cum for me now…” izuku mumbles out, hissing slightly as your grip on his hair tightens to yank him down for one final searing kiss.
tears of heavenly pleasure roll down your cheeks as he swallows your final moan, his words pushing you right over the edge and into an earth shattering orgasm. “c-cumming!” you squeal so loud that you’re sure the neighbours can hear, while you lose control and pulse around midoriya’s scalding cock. the world of colour flashes behind your eyes— release splattering out against your boyfriend’s pelvis and the floor. “mnnn, izuku! i love you, please…”
you’re begging now, your sloppy pussy coaxing him along to his own release while deku relentlessly fucks into you. his chest rumbles with every one of his whimpers and groans, cock pushing you into overstimulation while he snaps his hips into you.
“ohh i love you…gonna cum, gonna cum— fuck, puppy—!” he sobs pathetically, dropping his head to your neck as his teeth clamp down on your bare skin to silence himsel. your tired body is forced up the wall while izuku tumbles into his own orgasm, sweltering seed splashing up inside your abused cunt. he slows to a grind, creaming inside you and painting your insides white as snow— panting with you until your breathing calms down.
the pair of you sink to the floor again, still in one another’s embrace as exhaustion sweeps over your limbs. before you know it, izuku is giggling sweetly against your lips, pressing grateful kisses along your neck and jaw while you fiddle with his baby hairs on the nape of his neck— still trying to catch your breath.
“t-that,” he sighs, nothing but love and adoration cushioning his gaze on you as you settle in his lap. you squirm at feeling so full, his cum dripping out of your fluttering hole but find yourself getting comfortable soon after. “that was so good, i missed you, yn, really.”
you cup the boy’s freckled cheeks and hum, heart swelling at his slight confession. “i missed you more zuku, all of you, not just your dick.” you clarify your words, making light of the mess you’ve made.
izuku rolls his eyes but leans into your gentle touch nonetheless, faking a pout in order to get a kiss on the lips. “glad to know that my girlfriend still loves me, even when she’s been deprived of my godly cock for a month and a half.”
“i’ll always love you.” you say, leaning in to give him a slight peck on the lips.
“as will i.”
you both tilt your heads to complete the vow with a simple kiss when a cough cuts through the love filled atmosphere, making you and izuku jump right out of your skin. Immediately, your gaze scopes out the room, only to land on your child hood best friend— accompanied by both his girlfriend and boyfriend. fuck, you completely forgot about that.
“are you two done now?” katsuki drawls, still tucked into his winter jacket, while krishima covers his girlfriend’s eyes with a free hand, the other occupied by her luggage from her flight. she still offers you an awkward smile and a wave.
“k-kacchan! haven’t you ever heard of knocking?” deku squeaks, wrapping his arms around you to pull you into his chest and at least protect some of your decency. it’s nothing bakugou nor kirishima haven’t sen before ( it’s not the first time you’ve been caught like this ) but you allow yourself to fall into izuku’s protective embrace anyways— heated embarrassment prickling underneath your skin.
your blonde roommate, however, is livid— staring you down with bloody eyes that speak tales of murder. “knock? knock? i fucking live here, you shitty nerd!” bakugou scolds, making you flinch and offer him a weak smile. eijirou by now has the decency to escort his girlfriend into his other partner’s room to gather some of his belongings, effectively leaving you and your boyfriend to face the wrath of your favourite angry pomeranian. the blonde turns to you. “and i thought i told you not to do anythin’ fuckin’ stupid while i was gone?”
“don’t yell at me! i didn’t know izuku was coming… literally and figuratively!” both boys groan at this, making you scowl. what? it was a good joke! “besides, i was just congratulating my boyfriend for winning no nut november, again. you should be used to it by now, suki.”
katuski looks between you both, annoyance sweeping his face before he pinches the bridge of his nose and huffs. “couldn’t you congratulate him somewhere else? somewhere, where i didn’t have to be blinded and traumatised for the rest of my shitty life.”
this time, it’s your boyfriend who speaks up, standing with you in his arms. deku smirks evilly, pointing to the little green plant above your heads. “no can do kacchan, it’s dick destroyer december and there was no better way to start it, than under the mistletoe.”
izuku turns swiftly on his heel and makes a dash towards your bedroom before your best friend can threaten to blow you up, presumably to fuck you in your bed for this next round.
“fuck you guys!” he curses you out, watching you go.
“we’re already on it, have a great christmas, katsuki!” you sing back, just a deku slams your door shut and drops you onto your bed—  already crawling on top of you.
you’d have to thank katsuki someday for challenging izuku back in freshman year, because without his newfound love for november— you wouldn’t have discovered your guilty pleasure for dick destroyer december.
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makeste · 3 years
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BnHA Chapter 322: IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME
Previously on BnHA: Endeavor was all, “Kirishima please take Hagakure and Aoyama and put them away somewhere out of sight until we’re finally ready for the U.A. Traitor Plot.” Shouto was all “HEY DEKU DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THAT MAYBE YOU WANDERING THE STREETS LOOKING LIKE A GOTH PRAYING MANTIS IS EXACTLY WHAT AFO WANTS.” Deku was all “I’M SORRY I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF MY CRUSHING MARTYR COMPLEX AND ACCUMULATED TRAUMA.” Mineta was all “HEY DEKU YOU SWEET THANG, IF I COULD REARRANGE THE ALPHABET I’D PUT ‘U’ AND ‘I’ TOGETHER, ANYWAYS HMU 💖”, or at least that’s what fandom apparently thought he said. Everyone was all “WELL SINCE WE’RE BACK HERE IN KAMINO WE SHOULD DO THE THING” and did the whole “launching someone into the air to save someone by dramatically grabbing their hand” thing that everybody fucking loves to do in Kamino so damn much. Iida was all “[bombards me and Deku with feels].” Deku was all, “ू(ʚ̴̶̷́ .̠ ʚ̴̶̷̥̀ ू).” I was all, “(;*△*;).” Horikoshi was all, “my work here is done.”
Today on BnHA: 
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oh my god.
so I finally went back to look at what I wrote up for 321 last week, and it’s a hot fucking mess lol, and I really don’t want to deal with that right now, so we’re just gonna skip it and go back sometime in the next few days or something because I really want to read the new chapter and I have no self control. I’M SORRY IIDA
oh my god he’s breaking out the narration word bubbles oh my god. shit is about to get epic isn’t it
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has there ever been a chapter that opened with these that WASN’T epic? serious question. anyways all aboard the Feels Express I guess
YEP
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I saved a bunch of other crying kaomojis when I was looking for ones to use in the “previously on” summary, and right now it’s looking like that was a good fucking decision you guys. if I’m going to be an emotional wreck I might as well do it in style ʕ ಡ ﹏ ಡ ʔ
AND BY THE WAY!!
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SHOULD I JUST THANK HORIKOSHI NOW AND SAVE MYSELF SOME TIME LATER. THE MAN ALWAYS FUCKING DELIVERS WHAT ELSE CAN I FUCKING SAY GODDAMN. IS IT TOO EARLY TO DECLARE THIS MY NEW FAVORITE CHAPTER? I SHOULD PROBABLY READ FURTHER THAN ONE PAGE BUT I’VE JUST GOT A FEELING
(ETA: it’s like. maybe my second favorite lol. A HUG WOULD HAVE PUT IT IN FIRST, I’M JUST SAYING.)
anyway so Ochako is releasing Iida, which is actually hilarious, because idk if you all know this but Iida can’t fucking fly you guys
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like, I assume Ochako released him because she already knew that Kirishima was in place to catch him, but I really love this split-second of panic on Iida’s part where he’s all “HMM, IS OCHAKO TRYING TO KILL ME, ACTUALLY”
LOL THERE’S A THOOM AND EVERYTHING
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that’s some plus fucking ultra on Ochako’s part right there. “IF THEY DIE THEY DIE” goddamn girl did you leave your chill in the same locker as Momo or what
now poor Kiri is all “DAMMIT DEKU ARE YOU PASSED OUT OR WHAT, I DIDN’T GET TO TELL YOU MY THING GODDAMMIT”
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oh my gosh he is curled up so small you guys oh my fucking lord
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RESIDUAL “LOST CHILD” FEELS FROM LAST WEEK COMING IN FOR A LANDING!! PLEASE MAKE SURE YOUR SEATBACKS AND TRAY TABLES ARE IN THEIR UPRIGHT POSITIONS OMG ( ˚͈͈͈͈̥̆ ₍₎ ˚͈͈͈͈̥̆ )
LMAO IIDA IS TRYING TO CONFIRM THAT OCHAKO PLANNED FOR KIRISHIMA TO CATCH HIM, AND KIRISHIMA IS ALL “NOPE I’M JUST HERE BY CHANCE BRO”
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Ochako is the U.A. Traitor confirmed. Hagakure I am so sorry I doubted you. Ochako get over here. so are you Toga now or what
anyway so now everyone is running over before Iida can react to this casual announcement of his attempted murder. and now Mina is taking her turn, and Horikoshi is all “HEY BTW IS MINA CRYING ON THE LIST OF THINGS THAT MAKE YOU CRY?” and of fucking course it is, you bastard. I’m not made of stone
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( ɵ̥̥ ˑ̫ ɵ̥̥)
SLDKFJLSDKJ:LKWEJ
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IS THIS THE PART WHERE I JUST START SCREAMING INCOHERENTLY FOR THE REST OF THE CHAPTER LOL. SURE FEELS LIKE WE ARE GETTING TO THAT TIME
OH MY GOD KACCHAN AHHHHH
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I CAN’T OMG LOL I ALREADY GLANCED AT THE NEXT COUPLE OF PANELS, AND HE’S STARTING A WHOLEASS MONOLOGUE ABOUT ALL OF HIS DEKU FEELS AND OH MY GOD
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“HERE YOU GO MAKESTE, A WHOLE CHAPTER OF ALL YOUR FAVORITE META TOPICS JUST THE WAY YOU LIKE THEM” THANK YOU HORIKOSHI YOU’RE A BRO (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ
SLKASODIFALWKFLKJ
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THEY’RE JUST DEKU AND KACCHAN. holy shit you guys. because oh my god, but it’s like when Deku was talking to the Vestiges about saving Tomura, and he turned into his little child self because his heart and intentions were so pure?? and it’s like that again, except that we’re seeing them as their child selves because that’s who they are to each other?? like, not that they actually see each other as children, but just, they can see past all of the stuff on the outside and see each other to their cores, to who they are inside, and when they look at each other they each simply see the other boy that they’ve known their whole entire life. idk?? does that make sense??? DOES ANY OF THIS EVEN MAKE SENSE I DON’T KNOW WHAT WORDS ARE ANYMORE I’M JUST SWIMMING IN FEELS OKAY. I’M TRYING HERE
they’re just boys, is what I’m trying to say, I guess. just Deku and Kacchan. all the walls are down, all the gaps are bridged, and all it is is the one boy reaching out and connecting with the other, and just,,, (꒦ິ⌓꒦ີ)
OH MY GOD [GRABBING YOUR SHOULDERS AND POINTING WORDLESSLY] !!!1LK1
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DO YOU ALL KNOW WHAT THIS IS YOU GUYS
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HOW PERFECTLY FUCKING RAD. WELL LET ME JUST ENJOY THESE LAST FEW SECONDS BEFORE MY LIFE IS FOREVER CHANGED, I GUESS
OH
MY
GOD
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CAN HE EVEN SAY THAT??? IS THAT EVEN LEGAL??? IS HE EVEN FUCKING ALLOWED TO SAY THAT. WHAT IS HAPPENING
OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!!
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─=≡Σ((( つ ◕o◕ )つ
GET IN HERE, EVERYONE!!
Y’ALL HE REALLY DID IT. “BAKUGOU IS SUCH AN ASSHOLE HE HASN’T EVEN APOLOGIZED” WELL GUESS FUCKING WHAT. GUESS FUCKING WHAT, YOU GUYS!! LET’S FUCKING GOOOOO ((((/ ̄∇ ̄)/\( ̄∇ ̄\)))) AHHHHHHHHHH
OHHHHHHHH
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HEH. I’M ALREADY DEAD, HORIKOSHI, YOU BASTARD. DO YOUR WORST. GO ON
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YOU CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON “US”, HE SAYS. ALONG WITH A BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF OMG. KACCHAN, YOU STUDIED!! YOU UNDERSTAND!! PREACH!!
OH NO!!
OH WAIT!!!!
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LOL I GOT SCARED THERE FOR A SECOND BUT ANYWAY! EVERYONE GET IN HERE!!! GROUP HUG!!! OR WAIT, NO, WHAT ABOUT -- [GRABS YOUR COLLAR URGENTLY] YOU DON’T THINK -- COULD THEY POSSIBLY -- !!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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ARE YOU GONNA HUG!??!?!?!?! I AM NOT OKAY!!!!!!! !!!hgk
REACTION PANELS LOL EVERYONE ELSE IS ON THE EDGE OF THEIR SEATS TOO WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER
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LOL OCHAKO
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I KNOW THAT IN REALITY THIS FACE IS JUST BECAUSE SHE’S CONCERNED ABOUT DEKU’S FRAGILE STATE RN, BUT I KEEP THINKING ABOUT THE WAY SHE JUST DROPPED IIDA COLD THOUGH, AND I CAN’T HELP BUT FEAR FOR KACCHAN’S SAFETY LMAO. THAT FEELING WHEN THE CLASS PERV AND THE CLASS BULLY BOTH BEAT YOU TO THE LOVE CONFESSION. KACCHAN WATCH YOUR SIX
OKAY BUT LOOK, IT’S NOT THAT I DON’T LOVE ALL OF THE OTHER KIDS, OKAY, BUT CAN WE PLEASE!??!?! HELLO?!?!? MOMO, JUST -- COULD YOU JUST FOR A MINUTE --
NOOOOOOOOOOO
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“DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, I HAVE TO SAVE SOMETHING FOR THE FINALE” HORIKOSHI YOU BETTER WATCH OUT, I’M COMING FOR YOU WITH A TWO BY FOUR!! NOT THAT I’M UNGRATEFUL!! BUT JESUS CHRIST, YOU CAN’T JUST DO THAT, AND THEN ALMOST DO THAT, AND THEN NOT!! OMG I HATE YOU
sure let’s cut to Thirteen then, yay. I mean I’m glad they’re alive lol, don’t get me wrong
(ETA: I think that might have sounded a bit sarcastic so I just want to clarify that I really am happy Thirteen is alive and on the job again lol.)
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it’s just that if your name doesn’t begin with Baku or Deku I honestly am not interested for just these next five minutes okay lol. like I’m just gonna be completely honest. I am too invested lol, please, they were having a moment, JUST LET ME HAVE THIS PLEASE
OH DAMN U.A. GOT SWOLE AF
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THIS SCHOOL HAS BEEN JUICING WTF. I THOUGHT YOU WERE TARTARUS LOL
I’m literally not even reading the speech bubbles though omg I’m so sorry. I really hope there is not a quiz, I promise I will come back to it later scroll scroll scroll
okay so they brought him back to U.A. and he’s all tired and out of it yes
oh goody Hagakure knows all about the security system
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(ETA: is it just me or is Horikoshi really laying it on thick with the hints about these two guys lately? I’m on to you sir.)
THAT’S WONDERFUL NEWS. GLAD THIS CRITICAL KNOWLEDGE IS SAFE IN THE HANDS OF THE PEOPLE THAT WE TRUST
ffs Deku
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WHAT WILL IT EVEN TAKE TO CONVINCE YOU THEN?? SWEET JESUS
-- holy shit, what??!
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they know?? how did they find out??! holy shit???
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I’m about to cancel the whole of Japan lmao. fucking try me dudes
-- THE PRINCIPAL!?
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NEZU GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!! WHAT THE FUCK
“a ticking time bomb” tell you what, this man is just asking to be punched in the face. literally begging for it omg
(ETA: I have been advised that I misread this part; Rat Principal told everyone how safe U.A. was, but he’s not the one who ratted out Deku; that was “the rumors”, apparently. which, if I had to guess, were probably started by AFO.)
oh I see, so it’s to be Feels, Part II then
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he looks so sad and tired and lonely and she goes right for the hand, god bless. though if Kacchan’s not gonna hug him, you’d think someone would at least. or is it because he still smells bad. hmm
AND THE CHAPTER’S ENDING ON HER LOL WELL OKAY THEN
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I MEAN IT’S GREAT AND ALL, I LOVE OCHAKO REALLY I DO, BUT WE WERE PROMISED GREAT EXPLOSION MURDER GODS, WHAT GIVES SOB. I WAS ALL READY TO BREAK OUT INTO SONG AND EVERYTHING. SURE, HE DID THE APOLOGY, BUT WHERE IS THE FOLLOW-UP GODDAMMIT
(ETA: just to clarify the reason for my rambling here, I was really waiting for the hero name reveal and the presumed deeper meaning behind it lol. but I guess that is a conversation still to come! and we still need Deku’s response to the apology too for that matter. lots to look forward to still.)
WELL WHATEVER, SO THAT IS THE END OF THE CHAPTER! SHOUT OUT TO MY BOY RAT “LET ME JUST TELL EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD ABOUT DEKU’S SUPER SECRET IDENTITY, I GUESS THAT’S ALL RIGHT NOW, NOTHING BAD COULD POSSIBLY COME OF THIS” PRINCIPAL. listen here you little shit
anyway but if you’ll excuse me... IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME. IF I COULD FIND A WAY. I’D TAKE BACK THOSE WORDS THAT HAVE HURT YOU, AND YOU’D STAY. I DON’T KNOW WHY I DID THE THINGS I DID. I DON’T KNOW WHY I SAID THE THINGS I SAID. PRIDE’S LIKE A KNIFE, IT CAN CUT DEEP INSIDE. WORDS ARE LIKE WEAPONS, THEY WOUND SOMETIMES. BUM~ BUM~ BUM~, I DIDN’T REALLY MEAN TO HURT YOU. BUM~ BUM~ BUM~, I DIDN’T WANNA SEE YOU GO. I KNOW I MADE YOU CRY, BUT BABAY, IF I COULD TUUUUURN BACK TIIIIIIIIIIIME...
460 notes · View notes
wkemeup · 3 years
Note
favorite fanfic trope: enemies to lovers but it's the moment when their tension is at its peak 😈
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title: The Mess I Made - submitted by anon summary: you may not be on the best terms with Bucky Barnes, but it doesn't stop you from coming to his defense prompt: “Did anyone ever tell you how pathetic you are? It’s incredible how low my standards are for you.” / multiple requests for enemies to lovers word count: 1.5k a/n: enemies to lovers is already tough for me and to do it in drabble form is impossible for me because it requires a slow burn, but I did my best!!
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You were on your way to the tower's gym when you heard Bucky’s voice echo from the end of the hall. Towel swung over your shoulder, headphones barely even grazed your ears as you paused, turning down the music. Bucky’s shadow danced over the walls as his run his hands through his hair. A woman’s shadow emerged next to him, her heels clicking against the tiles.
You rolled your eyes. Bucky’s latest string of conquests were an inconvenience at best. His pathetic attempt to rekindle whatever version of himself he idolized from the forties in the form of cheap, meaningless hookups was just another reason you made every effort to steer clear of Barnes. His seemingly indifference towards you made easy to do so.
Steve wouldn’t let it go – his questioning of why the two of you could never get along. It wasn’t that you hated Barnes. You didn’t know him well enough to hate him. You just didn’t care for what you saw. He was guarded and cold. Condescending and arrogant. Half the time, you barely believed Steve’s stories of Bucky’s charming days in the forties. The rare moments you caught his smile, it looked forced. It barely touched his eyes and he wore a mask to bring home women who spent their nights admiring an arm he would not allow them to touch.
The rare moments you thought you saw something genuine in him, he’d lashed out. The cracks in his foundation breaking through the surface in the screams at the night of dead of night, flinching at loud noises, the easy transition to taking orders and losing himself for the briefest of moments.
You’d made the mistake once of trying to comfort him. His eyes had glazed over in the middle of a conversation. There were dozens of agents around for the annual holiday party and Bucky was in another world entirely. His pupils were dilated, his hands shaking as he closed them to fists. You never learned what triggered it, but the moment you laid a gentle hand upon his forearm, Bucky had you in a chokehold.
It took both Sam and Tony’s strength to wield Bucky away from you, all while he was practically foaming at the mouth, screaming at you to never touch him again. He was rabid as Sam and Tony struggled to hold him back. The whole party stopped to watch the scene unfold – as Bucky hurtled countless insults at you.
He was drinking Thor’s liquor. He had to have been. Half of what he said that night barely made any sense. None it worth the audacity to lay a hand upon his arm to draw him back from wherever his mind had taken him. Perhaps, if you weren’t so thoroughly humiliated, you might have considered as much.
But what he said that night stayed with you and you never let it go.
“Why don’t you stay, sweetheart?” Bucky’s voice carried down the hall.
You tapped your foot impatiently at the elevators, desperate for an escape before he turned the corner. You noticed the woman’s heels were still clicking on the floors. She hadn’t stopped.
“Let me take you for breakfast, at least,” Bucky asked, a nervousness in his voice you didn’t recognize. He cleared his throat. “I was thinking we could—”
“I’m going to stop you right there.” The clicking ceased and you watched as the woman’s shadow placed a hand on Bucky’s chest, stilling him in an instant. “I thought you knew what this was.”
“I did. I do, but,” Bucky started, running a hand through his hair. You’d never seen him act this way before – so unsure of himself. The elevator doors open and closed as you watched his shadow sway on his heels. “I just... I want to try something different. Something... real and I thought, since we had a nice night together you might...”
“What?” the woman scoffed. “You thought I would want to date you?”
Bucky stiffened. Even his shadow appeared to mask into stone. Dread curdled in your stomach and you found yourself inching down the hall, approaching the shadows.
“Listen,” the woman crooned, “you were great last night and sleeping with the Winter Soldier is a hell of a story, but you’re not exactly... relationship material.”
You froze, stunned.
Bucky awkward cleared his throat. “I-I know, and I’m working on that. I just thought—”
“Oh my God, take the hint!” the woman exclaimed and you flinched in time with Bucky’s shadow against the wall. “Did anyone ever tell you how pathetic you are? Clearly all I wanted was a good lay. I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about this clingy shit with the Winter Soldier for Christ's sake. It’s incredible how low my standards were for you.”
“What the hell is your problem?”
You rounded the corner, tossing your workout gear aside as you came face to face with the woman. She was a beautiful as the rest of them were – tall, stunning, probably one of the models you’ve seen on runways or on magazines. But her eyes were unkind, and dismissive.
“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” she spat, shoving past your shoulder and heading to the elevator. You moved to block her when you felt the cold grasp of vibranium curl around your wrist, yanking you out of her path.
“Hey!” you yelped, watching as the woman made her escape into the elevator. You snatched your hand back, massaging at the tender muscle. “What the hell, Barnes?”
“I don’t need you coming to my rescue,” Bucky bit back. “I had it handled.”
You scoffed, the image of Bucky’s form flinching as she called him ‘pathetic’ still fresh in your mind. You’d never known him to back down from a fight. Hell, he’d gotten into a screaming match with a paparazzi for daring to ask how his morning jog went. Bucky didn’t roll over and play dead. But he let that woman wrap a hand around his throat until he choked.
“Sure looked handled,” you rolled your eyes. “She was walking all over you.”
“My sex life is not your concern,” he growled, his voice low as his eyes hooded.
“I never said a damn thing about your sex life, Barnes.” You shook your head, already regretting stepping in at all. It was pointless – foolish even – to think that he might be appreciative of your intervention, of the fact that despite the tense history between you, you would never stoop as low as that woman did.
You bent down and picked up the gym bag you’d let slip from your hands. “If you want to be treated like shit, then by all means, have fun with your next one night stand. I'll steer clear of the fallout.”
You started to head back towards the gym when you heard Bucky groan rather dramatically behind you. You paused, glancing over your shoulder as Bucky hit a fit against the wall.
“What is your—”
“You are so goddamn infuriating!” Bucky snapped and your jaw dropped.
“Are you serious right now? Me? I’m the infuriating one?” You released your bag, letting the weights hit the floor as you stalked back to him. “You’re the ungrateful jerk who just yelled at the one person who bothered to stand up for you!”
Bucky gritted his teeth. “I never asked you to do that!”
He was only inches away. His breath hot against your cheeks. You could see the dark blue specs in his eyes from this close. The blacks of his eyes nearly consuming him whole.
“Maybe that’s your problem, Barnes,” you sneered. “You think you need to ask for help, that it’s earned or deserved, but it’s not! Sometimes people just want to help you, you asshole! Sometimes, people can be good and can care about you without expecting that you—”
Your back hit the wall as Bucky’s weight pressed to your chest. His lips crashed against yours, his hand slipping into your hair. Everything in him moved with purpose, with adrenaline spiked into his veins and fury in his bones – but not his hands. Even as his lips hungrily devoured yours, his hands were gentle as they caressed the nape of you neck, as they slid down your hips.
What surprised you more – was that you kissed him back. Your hand clutched into the thin fabric of his t-shirt, your lips parting for him as he brushed him tongue over yours. It was the kind of kiss that left you feel dizzy – like you’d been under for too long, your lungs aching, and still you had no desire for air.
When he finally did draw back, it was only when he was breathless. His chest panting in time with yours, his forehead dipping to rest against your collarbone. He paused for a moment, even as his fingers gently pressed into the nape of your neck as if upon keys of a piano.
“I don’t know why I did that,” Bucky confessed.
You chuckled. “I do.”
He lifted his head and you smiled when you saw his lips were pink and swollen. You brushed a hand over his cheek.
“Because even when I hated you, I still cared about you, Barnes. It’s not black and white. It’s messy and it’s grey. But I can handle a little mess, can’t you?”
Bucky swallowed, slow to the smile that crept upon his lips, but still—it came. “Yeah, I can handle messy.”
When he kissed you again, he didn’t hesitate.
931 notes · View notes
lucy-sky · 3 years
Text
The Break of Dawn (Leo Barnes x f!Reader)
You work in a small diner not far from the bus station and try to get over a tragic event that happened to you three years ago. Leo Barnes is one of the steady customers, and at some point you realize there's mutual attraction between the two of you. There's no time for romance though - only one night left before the annual Purge, and Leo has an important job to keep Senator Roan safe as it's the only chance to finally put an end to the Purge.
Words: 3 656
Warnings: Sexual content (not super detailed, I would rate this story as Mature rather than Explicit, but still they f*ck), a bit of angst (trigger warning: loss), but Leo is a caring and protective guy who’s ready to hold you
A/N: My first time writing Leo Barnes or any Frank Grillo character, so please don't be mean :))
Taglist: @sweetfictionalworld, @skvatnavle​, @lunamoon-87​
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“There he is.”
Stella pokes you with her elbow.
“What?”
“Your tough guy. He’s here,” she nods to the corner of the diner and you don’t even need to follow her gesture to know that Leo Barnes is sitting there, his usual spot. He’s a bit early today, and it’s understandable - you too find it harder to sleep well as the Purge is getting closer.
“He’s not my tough guy, Stells,” you roll your eyes.
“Oh yeah? Tell it to someone else,” she snorts. “So far I’m just wondering how long you’re gonna keep ignoring that sexual tension…”
“Stella, please.”
“What? Honestly, I don’t know why he’s being such a gentleman… But just FYI, y/n… You know it’s not the 19th century and you actually can make the first move?”
“Even if I wanted to, it’s not the right time,” you shrug. “You know he’s doing an important job. He’s got plenty of stuff to think about and it’s definitely not romance.”
“Who’s talking about romance, sis?” Stella laughs. “You’re both so goddamn tense, you need to blow off some steam. No, seriously. You need to get laid. He needs to get laid. It’s just way too obvious!”
“Oh dear god, just please shut up…” you groan.
“Fine,” she gives you a wicked smirk. “If you don’t want him, then I’m bringing his order.”
You chuckle at this.
“Don’t you dare.”
  To be completely honest, you can’t deny that Stella is partly right. There is something between you and this grumpy silent man in the corner. But what exactly? You can’t really put it into words, it’s not just the attraction, or sexual tension as Stella says. You do find him handsome though, you admit that. A couple of times when he was wearing a t-shirt, you caught yourself staring at his muscular arms. Yes, guilty. And still… There’s more than that. You’d call it some sort of mutual understanding.
Leo Barnes works for Senator Roan. In the past, he used to be a cop, now he is the head of security for her. You learnt that one night when he was here, having his usual late dinner. The TV was on, evening news, something about the election of course. And suddenly you noticed him there, standing behind Roan’s back with another guy in a formal dark suit. You blinked, stared at the screen, then looked back at him. He caught your glance.
“Is that… you?” you blurted, realizing too late that you said it out loud. But he smiled, and in his smile there was no anger or annoyance.
“Apparently so,” he replied with a soft chuckle and ran his fingers through his dark hair. “How do I look?”
You started talking ever since then. Barnes usually came to the diner twice - in the morning he just had a mug of black coffee, and in the evening he ordered something to eat. Mornings were often crowded as many people passed the diner before heading to work in the city, so you were busy. But the evenings were mostly quiet. 
You often stayed at work late, covering Stella who had to run to her kids or another date. You didn’t mind that since work was always your way to escape. Nobody was waiting for you at home anyways. Somehow, Leo Barnes started to keep you company. He wasn’t much of a talker and you were never into heartfelt conversations with the clients here, but something just clicked. Especially after you learnt about his job and it became clear that your views on the Purge are the same.
Many people hate The Purge, as well as many people support it. Some people hate it because they’re scared for their loved ones, their business (small shop owners who don’t have enough money to afford the Purge insurance often suffer), or they hate it just because they’re against violence in general. And the others… They have more personal reasons. You’re one of them. And somehow, even if you don’t know for sure, you just feel like Leo Barnes has personal reasons as well. He never really told you, and you don’t dare to ask because you know well enough how the memories can hurt. You didn’t tell him either. But still, you don’t know how exactly it worked, you just looked at each other and saw it. It’s like an unspoken secret between the two of you. The details don’t matter anyway. Your stories are in the past and you can’t change it, but what you can change is the future. If Senator Charlene Roan wins the election - the Purge will finally end. You can help with your vote, and Leo… Leo is determined to do anything to help her survive this year. Just this year, and hopefully no one would ever have to survive this nightmare again. You both want it more than anything else.
  “Hey.”
You smile at Leo as you place a mug of coffee and a plate on the table in front of him.
“Hey…” he looks confused when he sees the food. Nothing really special: eggs, bacon, some beans and a toast. “What’s that? I... only asked for the usual…”
“Just thought you might need some extra fuel,” you shug. “Only one night left before the Purge, so… you must have a lot of work to do.”
“Yeah, you’re right… I actually do,” he gives you a tired smile. “Thank you.”
“Welcome,” you nod and turn to leave, but Leo suddenly touches your arm and you freeze.
“Y/n?”
“Yeah?” you face him again.
“Do you work tomorrow?”
“Yes… Why are you asking?..” you give him a puzzled look.
“Well uh… To be honest I’d be happier if you took a day off… You know, just to make sure you’re safe…”
You feel the heat on your cheeks. Does… does he worry about you?.. The realization makes your heart shrink for a second. Apparently he’s not just someone who understands, he’s someone who cares. You already forgot what it feels like when someone really cares. Well, of course there are your parents, but they’re far away… And Leo, he’s right here.
“It’s okay,” you say, trying not to look too baffled. “Tomorrow we’re closing the diner earlier, right after lunchtime, so I’ll be home long before the Purge begins. There’s no need to worry, really.”
“Good,” Barnes nods. “I just… don’t think I’ll be able to come over and check on you tomorrow, so I just…” he stutters as if trying to figure out something to say. 
“I just want you to be careful, okay?” he finally utters, and to your surprise his hand reaches yours, squeezing it lightly. “Just be careful, yeah?”
“Yeah, I... Of course I will,” you try to smile reassuringly. “I promise.”
  *
There’s about five minutes left before closing hour when Leo appears. As usual, you’re still here, helping Mary, the chief and the owner’s wife with all the cleaning up after the working day. While she’s in the kitchen, you wipe the tables, TV-set is murmuring something in the corner. The election, the purge… Always the same.
“You’re closed?” he asks, meeting your gaze. “Sorry, I… Didn’t realize it’s that late already…”
“We’re about to close, but it’s fine, come in!” you assure smiling at him maybe a bit more brightly than you wanted to show. “We’ll get you something to eat, right, Mary?” 
“Sure thing,” she replies from the kitchen door. You weren’t the only one who saw Barnes on TV. Since then, he became an always welcome guest as the diner owners supported Roan as well. Otherwise, to be honest you don’t think you could possibly be able to work for them.
You put a plate with food in front Leo as he takes a seat at the counter. While he’s eating silently, you wipe the coffee mugs and place them carefully on the shelf. The TV keeps talking. Something about the bloomimg economy and international murder tourists who keep coming to the US to take part in the annual Purge. You glance at the screen, see their gut-wrenchingly excited faces.
“Jesus Christ,” you mutter under your breath and shake your head. “Fucking insane.”
“True,” you nearly jump at his words, as you didn’t realize Leo heard you. “I knew people who killed someone on Purge night for… different reasons. But those who kill just because they enjoy it, for fun or sport or whatever you call it - those are the most dangerous.”
“They’re just psychopaths. People like that should be kept in mental hospitals or something. But they just walk around as if nothing’s wrong with them. And the new founding fathers keep telling them how proud they are of them…”
“Roan’s gonna make it stop,” Mary joins the conversation. “This lady’s got some balls, am I right, sir?”
“Yes ma’am,” Barnes chuckles. “She absolutely got them.”
  You leave the diner together with Leo. Mary chose to stay inside, waiting for her husband to come pick her up in a few minutes. The night is a bit chilly; you’re shivering, not sure if it’s the cold or the fact that you’re alone with him for the first time.
“Where’s your car?” he asks.
“Oh um… It’s in the service actually. So I’m going to the bus station right over there,” you point. Barnes frowns.
“What about tomorrow?”
“Stella promised to give me a ride home. Leo… I’ll be okay. It’s not the first Purge night in my life, you know.”
“Right,” he clears his throat. “Anyway, since I’m here I can drive you home.”
“You… sure it’s okay?” your voice betrays you a little. “I mean you must be tired…”
“I’m okay,” he assures, then nods at his car. “Come on. I insist.”
“Okay,” you hear yourself saying.
  *
You’re mostly silent on the way. You feel a bit tense, but also kinda… weirdly excited to be in this car, next to him. Damn. Is Stella right, and you’re actually into him? Definitely so. But after all these years you almost completely forgot how it feels - to be into someone or how the relationships work. As if you’re a teenager again. Leo Barnes is the first man who actually made you think of something close to romantic longing since… That night.
“It’s here?” he asks as you reach your house. You nod, and he pulls over. You wait for him to say something, to tell you goodnight maybe, but he doesn’t. Without the sound of the car engine, the silence between you becomes even more awkward. You open your mouth to say goodbye to him, but instead different words suddenly come out.
“Leo, I…” 
He looks at you intently. You stare down at your knees.
“Yeah?”
“I just… The fact that you worry about me - it’s very nice of you, really. And… I just wanted you to know that I worry about you too. I worry about you a lot actually…”
“Y/n…” his voice is quiet as he brings his hand to your face, gently urging you to look up at him. His eyes look darker than usual in the dim light of the street lamp nearby. You think if it’s possible to drown in someone’s eyes you’d already be gone.
“I’ll be fine, okay?” he says softly. “It’s gonna be a tough night for sure, but I’ll be fine, I have to be fine. You gotta trust me on this. You trust me?”
“Yes,” you barely whisper, unable to take your eyes from his, and when the tension becomes almost unbearable, his lips finally crush on yours.
You both expected and didn’t expect it, didn’t dare to admit even to yourself how much you really wanted it. Your breath hitches somewhere in your throat as you kiss him back eagerly, forgetting about everything and everyone for this moment that lasts so long and so painfully short at once. You’re both panting as your lips part, foreheads pressed together. 
“I… I think I should go,” you mumble as a rush of panic suddenly overwhelms you.
“Yeah… Yeah…” he nods. “You should get some rest.”
“You too.”
You squeeze his hand for a second. Gosh, you didn’t even realize your hand was on his all this time. 
“Good night,” you finally murmur, bracing yourself to get out of the car. You feel like something else needs to be said, but can’t really figure out what.
  *
You enter the house and just lean against the door, heart hammering wildly inside your chest. You close your eyes and try to catch your breath. What the hell just happened? And why are you reacting like that? There’s nothing wrong about this kiss. You’re two single adults… Well, probably single. Leo doesn’t wear a ring, so… Damn it, you really got out of practice when it comes to relationships.
A knock on the door made your eyes snap open. As if in a daze, you slowly turn and reach the door handle, already knowing who you’re going to see.
Leo doesn’t say anything. And you can’t read the expression in his eyes, or you simply don’t have time for it, because the next moment he steps inside, his hands cup your cheeks and he kisses you with such longing and desperation it nearly kicks the breath out of your lungs. You don’t know what you’re doing any more, but your fingers are already in his dark hair, scratching the nape of his neck while his lips and tongue keep attacking your mouth. It feels like shockwaves running through your body, and for the first time in years you feel just so alive. All this time your feelings, passions and emotions were asleep, everything around you seemed pale and lifeless as if someone turned down the contrast, but something changed. Not right now, not in the snap of a finger, of course; it happened gradually. Something kept changing deep within you since the very first time your eyes met, and now - you’re finally ready to feel something. To let him in.
You don't think about it though. Or about anything else, to be honest. All you can focus on is what his lips are doing to you, how hot his breath is and how weirdly nice his stubble feels against your skin. Leo’s coat falls on the floor. His big hands seize your waist as he lifts you up, causing you to grip onto his broad shoulders. Pressing you against the nearest wall, he nuzzles into the crook of your neck, the kisses are sloppy, open-mouthed, and you can't suppress a soft moan. He's big and strong, you feel small underneath him, but you like it. 
You can’t even remember clearly how you finally reached the bedroom, frantically helping each other to get rid of the clothes. When you tumble down and he hovers over you, the skin to skin contact is overwhelming. He brushes your hair away from your flushed face, kisses you with sudden tenderness. The look in his hazel eyes is warm yet still full of passion as you cup his cheek and he presses his lips to your palm. An affectionate gesture that makes your heart skip a beat, but you both are too impatient to be soft right now. So he leans in, kissing you harder this time, grunting against your mouth when you pull him closer, craving as much of him as possible. You can feel him twitching against your lower belly as you wrap your legs around him, eager to get more pressure. He’s not even inside you yet, but it already feels so good you can’t help bucking your hips, earning a low groan from him at the friction. His lips trail along your jawline, down to the side of your neck, where he kisses and nibbles, and you just know there’s gonna be marks tomorrow, but damn, you can’t care less.
When he finally enters you and starts moving, you’re almost delirious. Clinging to him, you gasp and whisper his name into his skin, feel the muscles on his back tense as he thrusts deeper. The wave of bliss hits you so hard your vision turns blurry and for a few seconds it feels like you’re not there.
  *
Reality comes back to you slowly, with all the dark and troubled thoughts you can’t escape. Leo is lying next to you with his eyes closed, breathing evenly, so you think he must be asleep. Good for him. Carefully, you slip out of the bed to get a glass of water. It doesn’t help you to get rid of the lump in your throat though. Back to the bedroom, you sit on the edge of the bed and let out a deep sigh, trying to fight back tears. Too many emotions for one night.
“Y/n.”
Leo’s voice doesn’t even seem sleepy. You can feel him shifting in bed to reach you, the warmth of his calloused hand stroking your back soothingly.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, uh…” You shake your head, bringing your hand to rub your eyes. “I’m good. It’s just… It’s been a while since I… You know…”
“I know. It’s been a while for me as well.”
“I lost my boyfriend three years ago,” you blurt out, surprising yourself that you said it out loud. “During the Purge night. He um… He was a medical student. We lived in an apartment building and we heard someone crying for help. I wanted to stop him but he just couldn’t ignore someone who needed help, you know. He got shot accidentally, right into his head. There was no chance to save him.”
Leo’s hand gently squeezes your shoulder.
“Sorry, I… Don’t even know why I’m telling you this. I’ve never talked about him since the funeral…”
“It’s okay,” he moves closer, pressing a kiss against your shoulder blade.
“I was so angry at first, you know,” now that you start talking you seemingly cannot stop. “I wished I could find and kill them. But then I thought he wouldn’t want me to become a murderer...”
He presses his forehead against the back of your head for a moment. “I know how you feel, y/n.”
You finally turn to meet his gaze. 
“I lost my son. I know what this anger feels like. Two years ago all I was thinking about on the Purge night was revenge. I was determined, almost obsessed.”
“Did… you do it?”
“No. I was close to it. Very close. But… One wise person made me realize that it wouldn’t help. Violence only brings more violence.”
“It has to be stopped,” you whisper.
“Yes,” he nods. “That’s why I left the police. Cops have to stay away from the Purge. I couldn’t any more. At least now I know I'm doing the right thing.”
“Right… Just… I’m just scared of losing you too,” you say very quietly, but he hears you anyway. His strong arms wrap around your body, pulling you closer, enclosing into his warmth. Making you feel safe.
“Hey, hey...” He whispers into your hair as he nuzzles into the top of your head. “It’s not gonna happen, you hear me? Everything’s gonna be alright. I promise.”
  *
You have no doubt your colleagues noticed who drove you to work this morning. But today no one is in the mood for comments, not even Stella. Even though the work goes on as usual, there’s still this tension in the air before the Purge night. 
Through the window you can see a bunch of guys gathered around the car with an open trunk full of baseball bats and other stuff you can’t discern. The owner proudly shows off his stuff, other guys laugh, they look pretty chill and relaxed, and your stomach nearly twists at the sight. 
  *
All night you could barely sleep a wink. A knock on the door drags you out of troubled slumber. At first you’re not even sure if you really heard it or it was in your dream. But the sounds repeat and you jump off the bed and without even caring to slip something over the huge t-shirt you sleep in. Barefoot, you rush to the door, open it with shaky hands.
He looks so exhausted it seems like he can barely stand. The collar of his shirt that used to be white is now stained with blood. And yet… He’s smiling.
“Leo!..” you gasp, stepping towards him and bringing your hand to his stubbly cheek. “Oh my god, are you… Everything okay?..”
“I’m great,” he breathes out huskily, and his smile slowly turns into a wide grin. “We did it, baby.”
You don’t even try to hold back tears as you fall into his arms, bury your face into his chest. He smells a bit like sweat and blood, but you absolutely don’t care. “I’m so glad you’re here,” you mumble into his ruined shirt. “I’m here,” he whispers back, stroking your hair. Then you realize the two of you are still standing at the porch.
“Alright,” you say, drawing back a little. “Let’s get you in, you need some rest… And you’re probably hungry too… And you definitely need a shower…”
“Wait, y/n. Let’s just… Stay here for a bit? I think we both need to catch a breath,” he chuckles crookedly, reaching out to wipe a tear from your cheek. You smile back.
“Okay.”
  Sitting on the porch with your head on Leo’s shoulder, his arm wrapped around your frame, you watch the sky becoming lighter and lighter as the dawn breaks. You can hear the sounds of sirens in the distance. The city’s slowly getting back to life, waking up after another nightmare. 
You both know it’s not the end, the war isn’t won yet, but at least you won this very important battle. And for the first time in what seems like ages you have a good feeling about the future.
*
Thanks for reading! 
Hugs, Lucy
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bubbleteaimagines · 3 years
Text
You Can Rest Now
Levi Ackerman Oneshot
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Summary: People often wonder why Levi’s so cold. For a man that’s lost everything, it’s not so hard to see
Pairings: Levi Ackerman x Reader
Warnings: Ansgt, gore, death
Authors Note: I got this idea suddenly and decided to break my heart
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there was speculation. there was always speculation, but none more about levi ackerman.
the short man had a notorious reputation. he was cruel, nonchalant and just generally didn’t seem to care.
he was different. cold. so cold in fact, that death didn’t even seem to faze him. he could watch someone die and be fine the next minute.
but was he? it seemed so.
all the recruits admired his bravery and strength, but they feared his attitude.
what had made him so cold, exactly? so...closed up? who or what had turned his heart into stone, causing him to shut out the world around him so easily?
how did he do it?
why did he do it?
what had caused him to snap?
it was simple, really. levi had made a mistake. long ago, when he was foolish enough to still believe in love and happiness in this retched world. long ago before he realized that love made you weak, he make the mistake of loving someone in this cruel, cruel, world.
-
flashback —
“shit! y/n, they’re gaining on us!”
after three years in the survey corps, you could safely say that those words were anything but a good sign. scratch that, those words were the worst thing to hear out in the field. an omen of death, if you will, but you tried not to think about that as you furrowed your eyebrows and gripped your horse’s reigns tightly.
“how close?” you made the mistake of asking your comrade. a lump grew in your throat as you guys trekked across empty land. no trees, no buildings, absolutely nowhere to even think about using your 3dmg gear.
“i...,” he was at a loss of words. neither of you dared to look back, so he had to go off of the thumping footsteps that were getting closer and closer. “i reckon in the next minute or so they’ll be...”
“got it,” you pursed your lips together, not wanting him to finish that sentence. you knew what was coming. you both did. the very ground beneath you shook due to the titan’s footsteps. the monsters that you had been battling your whole damn life. “you ready to kick some ass, then?”
“always.” his voice was weak, his hands trembling as he reached for his swords. but his spirit had not yet been broken. neither had yours.
the footsteps were getting closer.
“i say we stay in rank but finish this thing off. then we’ll speed up and catch the others in case some more come,” you told him
anxiety pooled in your stomach as you thought about the rest of the soldiers. wrong place, wrong time, you knew that. but you couldn’t help it — your mind flashed images of him and you couldn’t help but feel scared for him, wondering if he had made it back to the wall safe or if he was still stuck on the ground, like you.
levi was a much better fighter than you. he was fast, efficient, and a valuable fighter. humanity needed him, and he had to be kept safe to fight another day.
that was the only reason you guys had been split up. he was on the special forces team, you weren’t. a damn good soldier you were but you were needed on the outer side of the formation, you were needed to protect levi.
after two years, he still hated the idea of you risking your life to protect him. he had fought tooth and nail with you and just about everybody else to keep you safe, to keep you next to him at all times. but commander erwin wouldn’t allow it. he couldn’t, levi was needed to save humanity. you weren’t.
you guys had had this argument time and time again. and time after time, you had reassured him that you would make it back. that he would always find your tired but yet still smiling face waiting for him on top of the walls.
why should this time be any different?
“let’s move!”
before you could even think, you had a ten meter titan lunging at you causing you to yelp and yank your horse out of the way. the beast whined in terror, it’s fear possibly rivaling your own. unfortunately though, that didn’t cause it to go any faster. you were gonna be forced to take it down yourself — you wouldn’t be able to outrun it all the way back to the wall.
“y/n!” your comrade yelled as you were swiped at again. this time though, you stood up on your horse and launched yourself at the titan, your gear lodging itself in it’s shoulders.
“keep moving! i’ll take care of this!” you yelled out to him.
letting out an angry cry, you whipped around the creature at astonishing speeds and aimed straight at the back of it’s neck.
a routine kill, that’s all this was.
fire danced behind your eyes while the creature moaned and swatted it’s hands at you. 36, that was your number of solo kills. and soon, it was 37.
“take that you fat bastard,” you yelled and sliced it right in the weak spot, never missing a beat as you carved up the flesh. blood splattered everywhere from the fatal wound and steamed as it got on your face and clothes. the titan went limp, and soon you propelled yourself back to the ground and back on your horse.
“well, looks like petra and me are tied. can’t wait to tell her,” you grinned as you carried on riding, your partner sighing in relief.
“you really are one of the best, you know that? you totally just saved our asses,” he grinned back at you.
“yeah, and you’d do well not to forget it,” you chuckled. “next time there’s cake, i want-”
“Y/N LOOK OUT!”
there was a scream, and then there was a sudden pressure as an abnormal came leaping out of nowhere and hit you dead on.
you didn’t have time to react. you barely even had time to scream before everything went to shit, your horse flying away from you and you — oh god. your comrade screamed as you flew through the air, and appeared again only as you were clutched in the titan’s mouth.
“w-what?” you couldn’t move. your vision was blurry from the hit but what you could feel was it’s breath. blindingly hot, and rancid. you had a first row seat as you hung from the monster’s jaws, everything from your waist and below clutched tightly in it’s teeth.
“y/n, no!” the strangled cry of your fellow comrade was all too familiar. it was a helpless cry, one you had heard many times from many different people. it was a cry of death, a cry of sorrow if you will. it was the type of sound people made when they were face to face with death.
“son of bitch,” you moaned as you lifted your head up, your (e/c) eyes meeting the bright blue ones of the titan. “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”
of all the ways to die, of all the times and situations, this just had to be it. with your luck, you were gonna be split in half by the ugliest goddamn titan you had ever seen.
“fuck me.”
dread pooled in your stomach.
as you stared down your killer, as you stared down death itself, only one thought crossed your mind.
“c-comrade,” you glared as the titan opened it’s mouth to devour you. “g-get out of here! you don’t need to see this!”
“y/n no! i’m coming!” he desperately clung to his gear, standing on his horse and preparing to take down the monster that was gonna kill his teammate. he couldn’t let that happen. he wouldn’t.
but you weren’t gonna let him die either. not whilst you were still alive.
“comrade! i said go! i’m the leader of this team so that’s an order!” you screamed at the solider causing him to freeze in place.
“no,” he whispered, watching as the monster’s jaws came down.
it was as if it were in slow motion. the universe dragging it out just so he could witness every detail. the moment you screamed profanities at the titan, promising that you’d see it in hell one day. the moment you ripped off your cape, letting one last piece of you remain on this earth. the moment you screamed for levi, yelling one last time how much you loved him.
the moment the titan’s jaws finally came down, cutting you in half.
everything stood still after that. time stopped completely, and your comrade couldn’t even scream, couldn’t even cry out for you as your eyes finally fluttered closed and your body went limp.
you were gone.
-
levi paced anxiously as he stood on top of wall maria. he had his hands behind his back, but his eyes were on full alert, searching the terrain in front of him for any signs of life.
for any signs of you.
levi didn’t understand. it had been well past an hour, and everyone had made it back except for your squad.
it wasn’t even a squad, really. just two people — so how could two people possibly be taking this long?
“captain, you should calm down. i’m sure y/n is gonna be fine,” petra placed a gentle hand on his shoulder but it did nothing to sooth levi.
“if they were fine they’d be back by now,” he snapped, his eyes darkening.
he didn’t want to admit it but levi was starting to lose hope. being gone for this long usually only meant one thing — but he refused to think about that. he refused to even let the thought cross his mind, shoving it so far back it was practically non existent. levi couldn’t think like that. he wouldn’t.
because it was no question whether you were okay or not. you had to be, there were no other options. no other scenarios other than you coming back alive and safe.
“captain—”
“silence!”
levi strained his ears as he heard hooves in the distance. he perked up.
it was the sound of a horse, most definitely. in fact, it was the sound of two horses, and in the distance he could see them galloping towards the wall, a titan right behind them and the lone rider.
levi’s heart swelled with hope.
“y/n!”
he was breathless as he ran towards the edge of the wall, igorning his fellow soldiers protests. extracting his swords, he quickly cascaded down the wall towards the person, hoping beyond hope that it was you.
commander erwin held out a hand to stop anyone from following him.
“don’t,” he warned, seeing how levi’s squad was gearing up. “this one’s for him.”
levi had never felt more eager in his life to escape into titan territory. quickly, he flew towards the rider and practically tackled them as he reached them.
“y/n, you—”
levi stopped dead in his tracks. confused, he tilted his head as he saw the grief-stricken face of your partner, but not you. in fact, you were nowhere in sight as the titan’s footsteps got louder.
“soldier, you had someone with you, yes? where is y/n?” levi demanded, completely ignoring the haunted and agonized expression of the solider.
“c-captain...i...,” how did he get the words out? how did your comrade look his captain in the eyes and tell him that you were gone — lost to the titan on a simple mission.
“well? we don’t have all pissant. spit it out,” levi snapped, becoming irritated at the lack of response.
where were you? if you hadn’t come back with your partner, then where the hell where you?
the soilder’s mouth moved but levi barely heard anything he said.
perhaps it was because he wasn’t standing close enough. or perhaps the titan’s thunderous footsteps drowned it out. or perhaps...it was because levi heard something he didn’t want to hear.
“dead?” levi tilted his head as if it were a foreign word. as if he had never heard the word before, when in reality it was probably the most used word in his vocabulary. “what do you mean y/n is...dead?”
the pieces didn’t fit. the word ‘dead’ and ‘you’ were apart of two completely different puzzles; they didn’t fit together. it was too wrong, too confusing for levi’s brain to pick up.
“t-they’re gone, sir,” the solider spit out painfully, letting out a wail. “w-we were on flat ground...the titan came out of nowhere...the abnormal...”
“shut up,” levi held his hand up as the pieces began to mold themselves. slowly, they transformed to fit each other.
“i-i’m sorry sir,” the soldier stammered, “t-they’re gone. they left this behind...but their body—”
“I SAID SHUT UP!” levi growled as anger began to flow through him, his fists twitching. the solider flinched back as levi’s death glare settled on him, burning holes through his skull.
“where do you get off on this? HUH?” levi yelled as he grabbed the man roughly, yanking him off of is horse. the beast whined in fear as the titan approached, but levi ignored it. instead, he focused on the red spots in his vision, pushing away the pain. pushing away the imagery that followed the solider’s words. all that was left of you was a cape...
“i’ll have you executed for this you bastard! you lying piece of shit—”
“CAPTAIN LEVI!” levi’s attention was diverted as commander erwin yelled out his name. briefly, he turned his attention to the wall where his fellow comrades and commander stood, horrified, “YOU HAVE A SITUATION!”
levi tore his gaze away from erwin and glanced over his shoulder. fast approaching was the titan that had followed the solider to the wall. an abnormal by the looks of it, with blood splattered all over it’s mouth.
levi felt his heart stop.
in the moment, it suddenly became real. he glanced at the solider’s terrified face, the cape in his arms that had your initials printed on it, and then back at the titan.
everything hit him at once.
and levi snapped.
“YOU BASTARD!”
he retracted his blades, squared his shoulders, and then zoomed off to battle the titan that that had murdered you. the love of his life.
levi saw red as an animalistic scream left him, his entire vision clouded with crimson as he made his target and slashed. levi slashed until there was nothing more to slash, the titan long dead and already dissolving by the time he was done.
“YOU ASSHOLE! YOU TOOK THEM! YOU FUCKING BASTARD!”
“CAPTAIN! soldier, you need to restrain him and get back over the wall, NOW!” commander erwin shouted.
more titan’s were approaching. too many people were standing by the walls. too much prey.
but levi didn’t care. he was angry, hurt, and beyond the levels of revenge. his blades were stained with the blood of your murderer. he wouldn’t be able to rest if he didn’t end them all, right then and there.
“CAPTAIN LEVI! WE NEED TO GO!”
levi ignored the solider’s plea and stood his ground, hatred burning behind his eyes. he’d kill them, he’d kill every last one of them for what they did to you. his life be damned.
in that moment, it didn’t matter that humanity needed him.
he needed to avenge you.
“FALL BACK! DO NOT ENGAGE! I REPEAT, DO NOT ENGAGE! EVERYBODY STAND BACK!”
levi braced himself for the attack. he was running on pure hatred now.
he was dangerous when he was calm. but he was unstoppable when he was deadset on getting revenge for the one person he had left to care about.
“holy shit—”
“no way—”
“did he just?—”
all around levi was blood. crimson red soaked him to the bone, pouring over every inch of his body. it rained on him, like a sadistic waterfall carved out by levi’s sword.
but it wasn’t his.
none of it, not a single drop of the blood was his.
levi sheathed his now broken swords and leaned down to retrieve the only thing not soaked with titan blood. the only thing that wasn’t stained or reminded him of their treacherous, godforsaken existence.
“i did it,” he whispered, clutching your cape tightly. he held the fabric in his trembling hands, holding it over his heart as a way to hold you close— one last time.
“i killed that thing. you can rest now.”
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