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rinbowaman · 1 year

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HHP - Chapter 11 Part 4

Yall...I literally made myself cry. Lots of deja vu moments (if you haven't read MGR, this chapter is going to confuse you so I recommend to read MGR first) lots of recalled moments and quotes to the very T. For those of you that read MGR...man...the nostalgia.

But um...this chapter is going to hit you hard so be prepared.

The text that is in purple is the lyrics of the song that i placed in here by Kiss. I input the chorus in the exact moments as i was playing the song while imaging the scene in my head...i recommend (for the full gut wrenching experience) start the song the moment you see the track preview. You can play it on youtube if the track i input in this box doesn't work.

The game was long, and intense, however, regardless that the rival team had put up a good and lasting fight, Decellis won the final streak. The level of sportsmanship displayed between the two teams was beyond the zenith of respect and admiration, as they cheered each other on, and the rival team captain remarking Heeseung’s ability as a natural born leader.

Of course, no one could tell, but as you watched the players performed, specifically Heeseung, you observed as he had crouched down before the game started. With his eyes closed, stretching his neck from left, to right, he faces towards the center, opening his eyes back up to reveal his Ethan side partially present.

‘Huh…is that how you win every game, husband?’ you mentally smirk.

If anyone had told you otherwise, you would have looked at them in disbelief. Heeseung was a beast, you’ve seen him play a game of basketball without his Ethan side. The man had stamina, skill, and a rage that was beyond even the toughest athlete.

But Ethan, he was different.

Ethan wasn’t a beast; he was a demon. The devil prince.

Each time he came out, even if it was just half of his presence, the environment seemed to have blackened as his aura just swirled a sense of uneasiness. Maybe you only noticed, considering you were the only one that knew about his alter ego, or perhaps other people noticed and just thought it was a strange phenomenon, not at all making connections to a random young male with a dashing face and a personality such as Heeseung.

After displaying such magnificent sportsmanship and bidding the other team farewell, the boys ran towards the bleachers. All sweaty, exhausted, and drenched, they quickly make their way to the locker room to shower and change.

“Baby, meet me and Jake at the parking lot. We’ll be there shortly.” Heeseung speaks in between his pants, clearly exhausting a lot of his energy from his impressive performance throughout the game.

“Yeah, I’ll be there, take your time. I”ll wait for you.” you smiled as you placed your hands on the back of his wet hair, pulling him down to kiss his forehead. His eyes close for a moment as he continued to breathe heavily.

You didn’t stop at his forehead, you couldn’t. It didn’t matter if he was all sweaty, you just had to hold him.

Embracing his cold and wet body to yours, you softly tell him how great he was, while feeling his chest deeply heaving against yours as you held him tightly.

“Heh..heheheh. Thanks baby.” He kisses on the top of your head, pulls back slightly as he takes a moment to look at you, grabbing a slight bit of your hair in his hand as he brings it up in between you two, rubbing the strands in between his fingers as he admires your face by gazing deep into your eyes.

He doesn’t say anything, he couldn’t. He was speechless during moments like this, where he is stunned and still somewhat, even after all this time, after all that’s happened, he sometimes finds himself in disbelief that you’re in front of him, staring right back. When you respond with a smile whenever he calls your name, or how you respond favorably to his touch, even after having matching rings, and being ‘married’ to you, he still can’t believe it sometimes. You’re all that he’s ever wanted and…

‘Here you are…’

It’s not hard to understand, with something so valuable and precious, sometimes it truly feels like a dream, until he wakes up and sees that you’re still there, and that everything is real.

If only you knew how you affected him. How he wakes up every morning, and upon seeing you, he replays the entire course of events from how you first met to the very moment presently, just to make sure that he was truly awake and that he really had you.

There are times when you smile, whether you’re both walking in the park, or having coffee at your favorite café, it didn’t matter, that smile of yours, it made him wonder what higher power above had the greatest idea to create you, to put you together and give you life.

The times when he touched you, felt the skin that he had often thought about before meeting you. Recalling the many times, he laid on his bed, when he should have been thinking about Vickey, yet all he could think about, was you. Only you. He couldn’t even bring himself to think of you in a sexual manner, it was always just pure, genuine curiosity as he yearned, immensely at that, for your touch. To hear your voice whenever you said his name. How soft and smooth your skin felt when touched.

Then there were those days where he wondered how you looked when you cry, or when you were saddened or feeling fear. How desperate your eyes would look whenever you were at his mercy, knowing that his wrath was that of fervor and twisted love.

Thinking back on those days, man, it seemed like it was only yesterday that the handsome young man had the world at his fingertips, yet he was willing to trade it all for just a moment spent with you. All those college girls, literally throwing themselves at him, whether it was bumping into him in the halls, on purpose, or sitting next to him in the library and pretending that they were studying as they eyed him up and down from the side.

Sure, before he saw you, and before Vicky, he had his fair share of girlfriends, and even flings. There were even times while he was with Vicky, after finding out of her infidelity with Gabe, and he was in college as she finished high school, they had a few ‘breaks’ upon her insisting that she felt suffocated by his lack of clarity for the future, always expressing that she was concerned about financial stability.

Had she been more patient and not forceful on the topic, she would have found out that there was nothing to worry about, yet she couldn’t find the will to trust him. So, upon her requests, they’d have their breaks while he was in his second and even his third year in college. All the pretty little things that frequented the college parties or the campus facilities were never safe. One look at him, they leaked their desire to have him, and they would, for one night. After that, he’d be around, but mentally, he was gone as the girls always tried to reach through to him, begging him to be theirs.

Even if he had no intentions of getting back with Vicky to work things out, even if he had decided to remain unattached, he couldn’t find anything worth his while in these girls, there was absolutely nothing they could present to him, convincing him to claim and keep them.

He just didn’t want them. As much as it pained them to hear it, he merely used them to release some sexual tension developed from his fights with Vickey, which he only took it out during the ‘break’s, or from the heavy workload of being a top student and assisting all the professors, nearly teaching the classes himself. If it wasn’t due to sexual frustration, he sometimes had the flings during the ‘breaks’ just to perfect his craft of being the ‘sex god’ that Vickey and his former girlfriends always referred to him as.

He'd watched their faces, listen to their moans.

Not impressed. They were either forcing it, too whiny, or sometimes…

‘…What the fuck did she just say?....God…shut up. You’re cringing this….it’s embarrassing.’

Even his closest friends, like Jake would always ask him ‘How do you do it? Is it the size? How do you move? I’ve never seen so many girls die over a man like they do with you. Not in my whole life bro.’

Perhaps he got lucky? Was just blessed? At least, he used to think so. Walking around, tending to his own business, loving life as he breathes in the air around him, choosing one pretty thing after another out of a wide variety, and then to never call them back after giving them the night of their life, then re-uniting back with the beautiful Vickey after her requested ‘break’ ended, all the while knowing that his future was solid, he had the life, literally.

Then he saw you.

Oh God…he saw you.

You.

You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. You. . You. You. You. You.

YOU!

-Flashback-

“Oh hey, that’s your girlfriend, isn’t it? Damn bro she’s beautiful. Good job man.

“Hmph. Yeah.”

“Dang bro. You hit the jackpot.”

“……Mmhmm.”

“Hey, isn’t that her roommate? I heard about her, but this is the first time I’m seeing her. If only she’d look this way so I can get a clear view of her face then-………Oh my God.”

“Bro….is…is that her??!”

Without turning, not even a care in the world, he didn’t even bother entertaining the idea of seeing his girlfriend’s roommate.

‘Probably just like Vickey. She just wants everything. Money, nice things, status…same shit.’

“Bro I can’t believe my eyes.”

‘They just gonna keep staring?’

“Shit man…”

“Ethan, my man. You gotta either turn around and see or move out of the way so I can get a better view.”

‘What the hell? What is it with this girl?, The goddess they call her? What is it-…..’

Finally, he turns around after getting curious out of frustration….

“…………”

“Bro, she has to be the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. Is she even real?”

“Dang Ethan, your girlfriend’s roommate is…. man…”

“Again man, all I can say is, is she real?”

“…….….”

‘….No….she’s not. There’s no way. There’s absolutely no way that someone like her is real. She’s a figment of all our imaginations. She’s not a person. She’s not human. She’s….she’s….she’s….’

Hearing your tender voice as you laugh, staring and listening attentively to the girl standing next to you, your eyes reflected Heaven and Earth.

‘….What are you? Who are you?.....How do I get you? How do I get….you?’

The time he always ran into you as he waited, picked up, or was just hanging out with Vickey…it was excruciating for him.

Right before he saw you, when he was nearly about to break it off with his girlfriend after repeatedly trying, yet only to find her unchanged of her adulterous and distrusting nature due to her misguidance, he held off. He needed a reason to be close to you. Never even realizing or expecting that he would have a chance…him, the campus stud, wouldn’t have a chance with someone like you. Not only because you were out of his league, but the way he witnessed you love and cared for a man who clearly, in his and everyone else’s eyes, didn’t return it back.

Yet you were hopeful and remained faithful.

‘You stayed faithful…loyal…committed…true. God…how do I get her? Not someone similar to her, or someone exactly like her, but her?....I want her. I need her. I crave her. How do I become him? How? How am I going to make it knowing that I’ve seen her, heard her, and even met her….but I don’t have her…how do I go on? How will I live the rest of my life, knowing that she exists but isn’t with me? How?.....I’m scared of living, I’m scared of waking up to an empty bed, or a shared one, if it’s not her next to me, I don’t want to wake up. I don’t want to live. I can’t, not unless I have her.’

That moment he walked into your darkened dorm room. Pitch black, only a single beam of light from your phone screen illuminates a small portion of your room. There you laid on your side.

‘There she is…hiding in the darkness of her tower.’

Approaching closely, the light from the screen provides enough glare to reflect the evidence of tears that stained your face, yet you still looked calm and peaceful, even with those harsh streaks that glistened with beads of despair.

‘W-why…are you crying? Who did this to you? If it’s not me, who? I’ll tear them to pieces. Don’t cry. Please…oh God…please don’t cry...not for anyone but me. So, unless it is for me….please…don’t cry.’

Composed, and ever so calm, he picks up your phone screen, he reads the contents and finds out the reason behind those shallow tears.

Approaching your bedside, he stands admiring the remarkable beauty before him. Sitting next to your bedside, he reaches out with his hand, without even thinking about it, he just acted out, and touched your face. Stroking so gently with his thumb, he feels your soft skin and watches as your eyes stun open as you ushered a shattered breath. He made you blow your cover.

‘Ah…so you were awake. Didn’t want anyone to find you, huh?’

“Who made you cry?”

“S-Samuel…”

“Yeah…I know.”

“…You saw it?...You read the email?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Why did you ask if you already knew?”

“I wanted to hear what it sounded like when you said his name.”

“Why?...”

“To see if I could understand how he felt whenever you said it.”

“….do you?”

“Mmhmm.”

You cry, your heart is filled with pain from the betrayal and ultimate realization of hard effort, on your part, gone to waste.

“I think…that if I got to hear you say my name like that…I’d go mad too…knowing that I wouldn’t be able to hear you.”

‘I’d go beyond mad, baby. I’d go crazy. I’d kill if I was suddenly left without seeing you or hearing your beautiful voice.’

“I don’t have to be the only one to understand that type of rationality, Y/n.”

“I don’t…understand what you mean.”

“You want me to show you?”

‘Say yes….say yes. Say….yes. Come on baby, let me give you the world. Say yes.’

“Ethan…”

“Not that one. Not Ethan.”

‘Come on baby, say it. Say it. Say my name. I know you heard it back there. God…fucking say my name, my beautiful girl. My goddess. My everything. Say my name and I’ll give you the world right here, right now.’

“Heeseung.”

He could have sworn there was a crack on the earth, or maybe the universe. Maybe it was all of heaven’s angels falling and crashing down to the very ground the mortals walk on. Who knows. He snapped. There was happiness, joy, excitement, bliss, lust, euphoria, thrill…just everything.

After all this time, he finally got you.

‘….She’s…mine?....Yes…she is…she’s…she’s mine....she’s mine! I finally have her! I finally have her.’

He reaches around as his arm cradles around the back of your head and he kisses passionately into you.

‘God I promise…I’ll protect you. I’ll comfort you. I’ll live for you and only you. I don’t even think I could put my own kids before you. I will never let anything happen to you. You’ll never have to worry about anything beyond these walls. Let me take care of you. Let me show you the world. Let me keep you as my reason for living. Let me give you a reason for living. Let me give you everything, from the stars to the titanium plates beneath the ground, let me give you every..single…fucking….thing.’

Yeah...even after all that, and the months that followed where he had you, he still finds himself in disbelief. You were just too good to be true.

After the boys had changed, Jake and Heeseung made their way over to the parking lot. You and Emily waited by Heeseung’s car, conversing about the game. The others had left, opting to meet up later once Heeseung and Jake were changed over.

Seeing them from afar, you and Emily spot the duo as they walked in your direction, their frames looking small from the distance between you two.

“To me, Jake is so tall, but when you see him next to Ethan…or seeing anyone next to Ethan, they look so tiny. He’s so gigantic.” Emily remarks. You found it adorable the way she examined and noted the height difference.

“Heeey!! We’re over here!” Emily calls out, waving. You see Jake waving with enthusiasm as Heeseung merely walks. It didn’t matter how far he was; you could tell he was staring right at you. You felt his eyes on you.

Out of love, there's nobody around, All I hear is the sound of a broken heart Out of time, no more waitin' for you

Feeling his sights on you, your heart slightly sank. There was this excitement after being out and about, having to display yourselves appropriately, only to look forward to whatever he had up his sleeve once you both were behind closed doors. It was sexy and so thrilling to you. You smiled, your heart melting as you found yourself smitten over his image as he continues to walk towards you and Emily. So in love and so smitten, you didn’t even notice the sound of a vehicle pull up from behind.

“Hm? Whose this?” Emily calmly states with intrigue hinted in her voice.

Now the hurtin's through, and a new day starts And I feel a change in my life, I sailed into dark and endless nights And made it alive

A man’s voice, with various…numerous footsteps. They were quick and loud. Everything happened so fast, and since it was dark, you couldn’t quite make out the clarity of the scene as quick as you normally would, but it sounded as if Emily was shoved or pushed as you heard a sharp yelp coming from her.

You hear sudden yells from afar…it sounded like Jake and Heeseung. You wanted to turn to face them and see what they were yelling for…but you couldn’t move. There was someone…or some people….your arms were pinned against your body and…someone was grabbing onto your ankles. Suddenly, you feel yourself lifted into the air, nearly paralleled to the ground as the hands that gripped your ankles lifted them high. It was happening so fast, you struggled but barely as you felt more hands on you, restraining you, pushing, and shoving you into….

‘What is this? A van?’

You hear a man’s voice screaming out your name…it was blood curling and starting to draw in closer. But it was hard to make out as there were other voices… men’s voices.

“Slash the fucking tires!”

You hear air releasing from what you assumed is Heeseung’s car tires, with Emily screaming in the background.

‘Wh-what is this? What is this!? Wh….wher-?’

The sound of the sliding door to the van is heard as it slams shut. You feel your body being scrunched up next to a window seat, where there was no door or latch, just a stationary window. Tinted.

“Fucking go!”

You hear the screeching tires as the van moves with you in it. You hear Emily crying hysterically outside.

‘I’m alone?...No…Emily…where are you? Please…Jake….Heeseung.’

His Perspective

“What the fuck!? What the fuck just happened?!? What…the….fuck just happened!?” Jake screams, panting from running and yelling, looking deeply scared and confused. He starts to rush over to Emily, who lays on the ground in disarray, crying hysterically. Glancing back, he sees his best friend with the ultimate look of shock on his face that he had never displayed before. It was the first time he’s ever seen him like this, that calm, reserved, and confident nature just shattered within seconds.

You chase. You run. You sprint. You go as fast as you can. You watch the van that she was forced into, take off. It drives slightly towards Jake and yourself, but peers away to take the next turn.

Upon the van passing you and Jake, you see her hand slamming against the tinted window. Your heart dropped the moment you witnessed the flat surface of her palm, repeatedly making contact against the glass in a panic and desperate motion.

The van rushes through, speeding pass, nearly skidding and hitting Jake, had it not been for you to sprint and tackle him out, pushing both your bodies out of the way.

Kneeling down, panting out hard and fast, watching as her hand slams against the window, your eyes stare off in the distance as the van disappears….with her in it.

Everybody's got a reason to live, baby Everybody's got a dream and a hunger inside Everybody's got a reason to live, but it can't be your love

“No…..” you whisper out.

“No…no…nononononono….no! Come back…..no come back! Come…back to me….not now…not after everything….we just…we just started……co-come back…..bring her back…”

“He-Heeseung….are you okay?”

“…..C-come back…..come back! Come back!!! y/n!!!”

You runs. You sprint. You go in the direction of the van. Jake calls out to you from the back as his voice fades out while you keep on running. You feel the expression on your face go from fear, to anger, to despair, and now…rage.

‘Keep running. Run for your life. For her life. Run! Run! Run! Fucking keep running! Don’t stop!’

“HEESEUNG!” Jake calls out.

‘Come back….please. Bring her back! After everything I went through to finally get her, we were just beginning to-…..this was just the start of everything….she told me she wanted to leave this place. She got those rings. She hugged and kissed my cold and wet body. She smiled at me. She told me she loved me. She told me she wants to be with me. You…you can’t take her away from me….not now….not ever.’

Her father’s voice echoes in your brain as you give the chase.

‘You know Heeseung, my daughter is the only light I’ve ever known. She’s the only good and pure thing I’ve ever done in my life.’

Out of touch, with myself for so long, Now a feelin' so strong comin' over me Down the line, there's a lesson I've learned

‘Please, make this easier on me. Make it easier for me to let her go….to give her to you.’

You can love and get burned, if it has to be And I see a change in my life, And I'm not alone when I'm strong inside And I realize

‘You would do the unspeakable…if it meant keeping her safe, wouldn’t you?’

Everybody's got a reason to live, baby Everybody's got a dream and a hunger inside Everybody's got a reason to live, but it can't be your love

Chapter 12

#heeseung scenarios #heeseung x reader #Spotify #heeseung yandere

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thehoax · 1 month

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thoughts? favourite songs?

look i LOVE it (cause i would die for taylor swift duh) and before i say anything;

i would preface by saying that i only listened to like 10/18 of the songs and only 2 songs in their entirety. so let’s go — my first impression of the album was “oh this is POP” like pop-pop which is like yeah! obviously! taylor is a pop artist but i really wanted her to delve into a more of a folklore sound cause it’s a ~poetry~ album. second impression was; god there’s a lot of marriage/wedding/ring allusions. the sound is BEAUTIFUL tho like I’m pretty sure there’s sax in one of the songs, a song solely on piano (i think) plus a lot of tinkering around on jack’s synth keyboard 🙄 my immediate favourites were so long, london and my boy only breaks his favourite toys (the latter one is a BOP and so long london is very much on like the same tune? like i was waiting for a beat drop but there wasn’t one…much to think abt) the title track is very red (2012) coded LIKE THERE’S A PATTI SMITH AND DYLAN THOMAS REF!!! but there’s also a charlie puth lyric???? that gave me the ick. i can do it with a broken heart sounds like a bleachers song & im not even kidding. objectively the best songs are probably Florida!!!, fresh out of the slammer and who’s afraid of little old me? these very much stood out from the rest of the songs. that’s all i have for now.

#ttpd spoilers #asks #ksenia

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jakeperalta · 2 months

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hii just wondering your thoughts and interpretation on the bridge of self respect from the new bleachers/i guess the whole song? i was just really looking at the lyrics for the first time and idk i feel like the bridge completely changed my thoughts on that song and not necessarily in a good way lol

the song as a whole is one of my favourites on the album! my first impression of the bridge was just "this will be so fun live" lol and I do think it functions on that level (I was listening to the zane lowe interview where it's mentioned as part of the discussion of self-mythologizing, alongside like the band member shoutouts in modern girl) but it's interesting that it sort of plays on expectations a bit when it's like wait the crowd going wild maybe isn't a good thing here. it feels fitting that it's a florence cowrite because this part in particular reminds me of the similar imagery we get in some of her work (like "is this how it's always been? to exist in the face of suffering and death and somehow still keep singing?" + "I'm still crazy and I'm still scared but if I make it to the stage I'll show you what it means to be spared"). I am curious about the mention of destroying someone's life, although I guess it fits with the overall idea of the song sort of embracing the mess and the bad decisions and regret.

#answered #anonymous #bleachers

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heartofspells · 11 months

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Interview Music Tag

Thank you for tagging me, @juliflamme! I love this so much!

rules: Put your playlist on shuffle. For each of the 10 interview questions, select a lyric from the random song that comes up (skip if there aren’t any lyrics and make sure to drop the name of the song in your interview answer).

1. First off, how would you describe yourself in one sentence?

Can hold my breath only for a little while

2. What kind of [Cancer] are you?

I'm trying hard but I can't win

3. You're visiting your favourite spot, what are you thinking about?

At night I feel like a vampire

4. If your life was a movie, what do you think the first review would say about it?

You left a little scar and I wonder where you are

5. Say you get a book deal, what are you titling your memoir?

We don't have endless time

6. What would you say about your best friends?

I've lived in this madness

7. Think back to when you had everything all figured out in high school, what was your life motto as a teenager?

There's no running away from these things that hold you down

8. Describe your aesthetic now

We're selling sadness. Well, aren't you worthless?

9. What's a lyric that they'll quote in your eulogy?

We're caught in a game where the winner takes all

10. And for our final question, let's say we believe in soulmates, what do you think their first impression of meeting you will be?

Know you're in my head keeping me up right now

Tagging: @in-flvx @fonkeloog @burningaurora @loop-deloo

#tag game #music game #my interview would be sweating and then kick me out #but this was fun!#Spotify #SoundCloud

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seiya-starsniper · 11 months

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Music Tag Game

Tagged by the wonderful @bazzybelle, omg this looks like so much fun!!!

Rules: Put your playlist on shuffle. For each of the 10 interview questions, select a lyric from the random song that comes up. (Skip if there aren’t any lyrics and make sure to drop the name of the song in your interview answer!) <3

...and the first song was one of the openings to Bleach LOL. Since I am not fluent in Japanese, we're gonna skip that one...

First off, how would you describe yourself in one sentence? "It's such a rollercoaster // some killer queen you are." - Rollercoaster - Bleachers

What kind of [Aquarius] are you? "You're the only one who knows how to operate // My heavy machinery" - Don't Let The Light Go Out - Panic! At the Disco

You’re visiting your favourite spot. What are you thinking about? "But I believe the world is burning to the ground // Oh well, I guess we're gonna find out // Let's see how far we've come" - How Far We've Come - Matchbox Twenty

If your life was a movie, what do you think the first review would say about it? "It's me // Hi! // I'm the problem it's me." - Anti-Hero - Taylor Swift (why is this so perfect omfg)

Say you get a book deal. What are you titling the memoir? "Coldest with the kiss, so he calls me ice cream" - Ice Cream - BLACKPINK & Selena Gomez

What would you say about your best friends? "Shake, shake, shake, shake, a-shake it!" - Shake It - Metro Station (this is also perfect for reasons only my best friends understand)

Think back to when you had everything all figured out in highschool. What was your life motto as a teenager? "There's a story at the bottom of this bottle // And I'm the pen" - Dear Maria, Count Me In - All Time Low

Describe your aesthetic now "My Life // You electrify my life // Let's conspire to ignite // All the souls that would die just to feel alive" - Starlight - Muse

What’s a lyric that they’ll quote in your eulogy? "I don't want to forget how your voice sounds // These words are all I have so I write them" - Dance, Dance - Fall Out Boy

And for our final question, say you believe in soulmates. What do you think their first impression of meeting you would be?

"Cheers to us and what we had // Let's keep dancing on the broken glass" - Broken Glass - Kygo (good lord that's depressing lmao)

------------

Tagging @lyriclorelei @gil212 @eobardthawneallen @melodiousramblings @keynoi @aquilathefighter @honeyteacakes @tj-dragonblade

#seiya gets tagged #music tag game #this was a lot of fun belle thanks for tagging me!!!! <3 <3 <3 #even if I had to skip a bunch of songs because they were either not in english or vitamin string quartet covers lmao

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brendonloverurie · 1 year

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what's your favorite TS album, lyric, song?

Lover is definitely my forever favorite, with Midnights coming in at a close second. ME! Is definitely my favorite song, because I'm as much Sinner (Panic fan) as Swiftie. And for favorite lyrics, It's hard to choose so I chose a "few" highlights.

"And if you come around saying sorry to me, my Daddy's gonna show you how sorry you'll be!"

"So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light, I'll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight."

"I'm alone. On my own. And that's all I know. I'll be strong. I'll be wrong. Oh but life goes on. Oh, I'm just a girl, tryna find a place in this world."

"You never did give a damn thing honey, but I cried, cried, for you. And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you."

"It's strange to think the songs we used to sing, the smiles, the flowers, everything is gone."

"Our mamas smiled, and rolled their eyes, and said oh, my my my."

"Everytime you smile, I smile. And everytime you shine, I'll shine for you."

"When all you wanted, was to be wanted. Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now."

"Romeo, save me. They're tryna tell me how to feel. this love is difficult, but it's real." And "I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around. My faith in you was fading, when I met you on the outskirts of town"

"All those other girls, well they're beautiful, but would they write a song for you?"

"She wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts. She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers."

"Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me."

"I took a chance, I took a shot. And you might think I'm bulletproof, but I'm not." And "I take a step back, and let you go. I told you I'm not bulletproof, now you know."

"It rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong. It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone."

"I know you were on my side, even when I was wrong."

"I watched from a distance as you made life your own. Every sky was your own kind of blue."

"You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter."

"I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind."

"My mother accused me of losing my mind, but I swore I was fine." And "the girl in the dress cried the whole way home."

"I walk with my head down, trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you."

"I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate."

"Please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting on you."

Every lyric on "Better Than Revenge" because I worship that song.

"He will try to take away my pain, and he just might make me smile, but the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead."

"So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep. And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe. And I'll keep up with our old friends, just to ask them how you are."

"Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me, lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles." And "any snide remarks from my father about your tattoos will be ignored."

"Maybe I've been going back too much lately, when time stood still, and I had you."

Every lyric on "Today Was A Fairytale" but especially, "fell in love when I saw you standing there." And "now it's getting so much clearer, nothing made sense till the time I saw your face." And "I can't put this down."

"I will follow you, follow you home."

"Flew me to places I've never been." And "and I realize, the joke is on me, hey!"

"Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place." And "so casually cruel in the name of being honest."

Every lyric in WANEGBT because that was my first T Swift song.

"Before you I only dated self indulgent takers, who took all of their problems out on me. But you carry my groceries and now I'm always laughing."

"Cause darling, it was good. Never looking down. And right there where we stood, was holy ground."

"Good girls, hopeful they'll be, long they will wait."

"It was a few years later, I showed up here. And they still tell the legend of how you disappeared. You took the money and your dignity and got the hell out."

"So dust off your highest hopes"

"He said, "look at you, worrying so much about things you can't change. You'll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way."

"There you'll stand, ten feet tall. I will say, I knew it all along."

"Everybody here was someone else before."

Every lyric on "Blank Space" because before ME! came out, that was my favourite.

"So It Goes, he can't keep his wild eyes on the road."

Every lyric on "Out Of The Woods"

"Let me remind you, this was what you wanted, you ended it. you were all I wanted, but not like this."

"So if you're coming my way, just don't."

The entire bridge for "Wildest Dreams"

"That's how it works, that's how you got the girl."

"In silent screams, in wildest dreams."

"Rain came pouring down, when I was drowning that's when I could finally breathe. And by morning, gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean."

"You two are dancing in a snow globe round and round."

"Cause baby I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me."

"I've been looking sad in all the nicest places."

"Knew I was a robber first time that he saw me. Stealing hearts and running off and never saying sorry, but if I'm a thief then he can join the heist and we'll move to an island."

The entire chorus for "I Did Something Bad"

"I get so high, oh!"

All of "Delicate"

"All I think about is karma." And the whole bridge.

"I'm so chill, but you make me jealous." And "come here, dressed in black now, so, so, so it goes! Scratches, down your back now, so, so, so it goes!

"If you've got a girlfriend, I'm jealous of her. But if you're single, that's honestly worse." And the bridge.

All of Getaway Car!

"King Of My Heart" bridge!

Every word of "New Year's Day" because it hurts to good to be real.

All of the album Lover. Every song, every lyric, every sound is magical and heavenly to me.

"Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool."

All of "Cardigan"

The LGAD bridge.

All of "Seven"

The end chorus of "August."

"They told me all of my cages were mental, so I got wasted like all my potential."

"Illicit Affairs" bridge.

"Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire. Chains around my demons."

All of "Hoax"

All of "Champagne Problems."

Every word of "Gold Rush" because. Because.

"So I'll go back to LA, and the so-called friends who'll write books about me if I ever make it."

"The stars in your eyes shine brighter in Tupelo."

"And the skeletons in both our closets plotted hard to f*ck this up."

All of "Long Story Short"

All of "Right Where You Left Me."

The extra lyrics in All Too Well (10 minute version.)

And all of Midnights, because I'm in my Midnights era now.

Sorry for the long reply, It was not supposed to get this long, but I'm glad it did. I like getting asks and I don't get nearly enough nice ones. Thank you. (You don't have to read all of this though. 🤭)

#Taylor Swift #asks #thank u!#long post #this got a bit out of hand #lol #thelasttime

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renjiokumura · 3 years

Text

Poor, Unfortunate Me:

Chapter 3

Summary: What if Ben didn’t fall in love with Mal? Find out the answer in Poor, Unfortunate Me. A story about the lesser known and evil second daughter of Ursula and how she gets the love she has been searching for her whole life.

A/N: I'm doing this off my phone so if the formatting is funky, it's because I'm not on my laptop. Also I didn't add a collage this time, and I might not in the future, because I think y'all understand the look I was going for and have a great imagination for these things.

Chapters: 1 / 2 / 3 (You're Here) / 4 (Coming Soon)

As soon as you got back to your dorm and Evan saw you crying, she asked what was wrong and tried to calm you down. You told her what happened while twisting the truth to protect the others. She just held you and told you everything would be better. To make you feel more relaxed, she broke out some hidden treats and some self spa tools, saying she was going to pamper you.

15 minutes into the mini spa, you already felt 100 times better.

“Thanks Evan. This is the first time I've ever done a spa.” you say with an avocado mask on your face, laying on your bed with Evan right next to you.

With the same avocado mask on her face and 2 cucumber slices on her eyes, Evan says, “I can't believe you’ve never done this before. Not even with your sister?”

You sit up and look at your lap, taking a moment before you answer her question.

“No, she can't stand me, because I'm too soft. Family is not the same on the Isle as it is here. Just cause we're related doesn't mean you have to love or care for each other. You got to look out for yourself.” Your voice is heavy with years of loneliness. When you don't hear anything from Evan but a sniffle, you look to the side to see what's wrong.

Evan, with her adorable self, has tears running down her face full of avocado while she sticks a cucumber in her mouth. She sits up and while chewing the cucumber slice, she says, “That's so sad! I'll be your new sister!” you don't want to laugh, but the scene in front of you makes it hard.

“Why are you laughing? I mean it. I want to be your sister!” She says with the other slice of cucumber in her mouth. It makes you laugh harder, which results in her pouting like a little child.

After a minute you finally calm down enough to talk to her. “I'm sorry. I've never seen something so funny,” she gives you a look, “And sweet. I want to be your sister too. Come here.” you open up your arms for a hug and she takes it.

When you guys pull apart from the hug you both look each other up and down then bust out laughing. During the hug, you guys got avocado all over each other. It was all on both of your clothes. “I trust that you won't freak out when I do this.” Before she can question what you mean, you say a little spell, flick your wrist, and all the avocado is gone.

“OMG, you have magic!?” she excitedly said. You nodded ‘yes’, which resulted in a squeal from her. Her excitement was infectious and made you giddy too.

The rest of the night you guys played around with magic, until you guys fell asleep. But during your good time, the others were making a love potion cookies among other things.

After Lonnie left the kitchen, Mal put the cookies in the oven. In the silence of the kitchen the tension between the group was almost palpable, but Carlos soon broke it.

“Mal, what you said back there to Y/N was very uncalled for. Just because you and her sister have beef doesn't mean you can take it out on her.” Evie and Jay nodded to what Carlos said.

Mal is trying to hold her ground by staring Carlos down, but the guilt is too much. She huffs defeated and looks to her feet. “I know! I know… It’s just we have a mission to complete and if we don't,” she pauses looking up at the others equally frightened faces, then continues, “I don't want to think about if we don't.” The air is heavy with emotions.

The same thoughts all go through their minds in the silence of the room. They all started liking Auradon, but they wouldn’t say it out loud to each other. Here they could do and be whoever and whatever they wanted to be without worry of judgment or consequences. But when they thought about it they don't belong here. They had to remind themselves they were evil and belong to the Isle. Though, in reality, none of that was true.

They had been so lost in their thoughts, that when the timer broke the deafening silence, they all collectively jumped in surprise. They all shared a look before they all walked over to see how the cookies came out.

Mal takes out the cookies and places them on the prep table. “I think these are ready. So do we all know what the plan is for tomorrow?” They all nodded in unison.

After cleaning up, they make their way back to their dorm rooms. Jay and Carlos get to their room first, which leaves Evie and Mal to still get back to their room. When they finally get back, Evie stops Mal before she enters the room.

“You are going to apologize to Y/N, right? Just because we are evil doesn't mean we don't have manners.” Evie can understand where Y/N is coming from and hopefully Mal can too.

“Yeah, Yeah. Only so we can make her our ally again.” Evie knew Mal was actually doing it because Isle kids stick together, but if it helped Mal sleep at night she wasn't going to say anything.

When morning rolled around you felt like something good was going to happen, but it was going to have bad consequences. Letting that thought linger in the back of your mind, you thought about how first period would go after what went down. At least you knew that if Mal came after you again, Evan was coming after her. Yup, reassuring.

Evan was nice enough to walk you to your first period class, since you usually went with the others. When you got there, everyone looked at you, with sorry written all over their faces. Evie put her hand on Mal's shoulder, which prompted Mal to get out of her seat and walk over to you.

When she was finally standing in front of you, Evan stepped forward eyeing up Mal like she wasn't Maleficent’s daughter. “If you hurt my sister,” she points her thumb over her shoulder at you, “I’ll hurt you.” Your surprised by the protective nature of Evan, but let her do her thing.

Mal’s surprised too, but also impressed, so she tells Evan she understands. With that Evan hugs you goodbye and walks to her class. Once Mal has you alone, she says something you'd never expect from her. An apology.

“I want to say sorry about yesterday. What I said was not cool. Can you forgive me?” she asks, looking at you expectantly.

“Water under the bridge. Now let's get to learning.” She smirks at you, and you guys walk to your seats.

During break the group tells you about the love potion plan and you agree to help as much as possible. It hurts you to help destroy any and all chances of getting Ben, but you still feel obligated to help them and something is telling you to do so too. They tell you the plan is going to happen after school at Mal’s locker, so you just wait till then.

When the bell rings ending school, you shoot up out of your seat and run out of class since Mal’s locker is on the other side of school. This causes Evan to follow you, though. You guys always walk from 5th period back to your dorm, so she thought something had to be wrong

By running, you made it just in time. Ben had just taken a bite out of the cookie, when something roughly bumps into you, sending you into Ben’s arms.

Ben is looking down into your eyes and is holding you against his body to keep you from falling.

“Y/N, are you okay?” You nodded too speechless and dazed to verbally answer. The next thing Ben ask you truly knocks you out more than the mystery object that got you the first time.

“But did it hurt?” his slight pause gives you a chance to be confused, then he finishes. “When you fell from heaven?” At that cheesy pick-up line, everyone's jaw dropped, especially yours. You honestly couldn't believe your ears.

“Ben, Are you okay?” You ask ,being able to finally stand on your own legs, but Ben still has his arms wrapped around your thick waist.

“I'm fine, but not as fine as you, sweet thang.” he says with a love struck smile on his face which you promptly covered with your hands so he would stop flirting.

“Jay can you pull him off me, please?” Jay comes to your rescue and gently pries him off of you. Once Jay has him, he asks Ben, “Has your world been worked?”

The answer to Jay's question comes in the form of a song lyric. Looking you in the eyes, Ben sings, “You know you do.” (quoting one of Michael Jackson’s songs). At that you become flustered and turn around, not wanting to drag out your embarrassment.

When you turn around to see what pushed you into Ben, you see Evan.“Evan, what are you doing here?” she opened her mouth to answer, but you interrupted her. “Wait, were you the reason I fell into Ben?” When you said that, she became a little sheepish as she answered.

“Yes,” she whispered, “But I was only running in behind you to see if you were Ok because you left class so suddenly...sorry.” Hearing her explanation only made you smile. You could never be mad at her.

“There's no need to be sorry. You were concerned about me and I appreciate that you care enough to check up on me.” With that said you hugged her. During your talk with Evan, the boys left to get ready for their game.

Once you pull out of your hug, you look towards Mal and Evie and see they both have an urgent look on their faces. “Uh, you want to go to the field and save us some seats in the bleachers?” you ask Evan nervously. She nods ‘yes’ and runs off to the game.

“What was that?!” Mal asked incredulously.

“I’m so sorry guys. It was an accident. I tripped,” you said apologetically, “But you can fix this right?”

“No, there is no time. You’ll just have to become his girlfriend.” She said nonchalantly.

“Wait, what?!” your jaw was practically hitting the floor.

You guess this was the good thing that you felt coming, but unfortunately you knew it was going to end badly.

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baezdylan · 3 years

Note

Have you heard this new version of the lakes? What do you think of it?

Just listened to it and it sounds entirely different from the album version to me? I mean that in a good way. It somehow feels more tragic? There's also this tone of extravagance that I haven't detected before, it sounds fatal, more of a groundbreaking moment atmosphere rather than a description of one's feelings processed in complete silence (which is how the album version sounded like to me, reflective character more than anything else, a statement not an experience, this one feels like it was caused by a major event not a collection of various thoughts formed during different timelines of one's life). That's my first impression. The sensation reminds me of the one that I have after listening to different versions of a Bleachers song? Every variation of a Bleachers song is connected by lyrics and lyrics only. It's a different song with each performance. Same thing with this in my case, the only aspect connecting it to the track that we had already known (for a year now!!!!) is the lyrics. Completely different atmosphere. Might come back to this post with more detailed observations once I've listened to the song for a couple of times. What do you think of it?

#question...?🔮#folklore #the lakes #taylor swift #bleachers #jack antonoff #aaron dessner #i still prefer the album version i think #but it's definitely interesting

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dropsofletters · 3 years

Text

how to lose someone in seven steps? | xiaojun

— summary: fencing his way through life, dejun knows too much about the sport but not enough about love. his sweet tongue conquers the romanticism of this century and puts it to shame—in love with everyone and everything. though, maybe that’s one thing to take to her advantage when trying to break his heart. making him fall for her shouldn’t be that difficult.

— title: how to lose someone in seven steps? — pairing: xiao dejun x reader — genre: fencer!au ; bet!au ; strangers to friends to lovers!au ; love experiment!au — type: angst ; fluff ; romance ; humor ; drama — word count: 10,584 — playlist: just friends – keshi ; i’m low on gas and you need a jacket – pierce the veil ; that xx – g dragon ; wi ing wi ing – hyuk oh ; lightweight – demi lovato ; better man – 5 seconds of summer ; love u – monsta x ; lucky strike – troye sivan — note: you should read the prologue before reading this route.

One day with a headache is usual; it comes with the stress of the heat of summer, the rambling of people around oneself, and with the overall activities of a busy schedule. The second day, she really starts pondering if the medicine she is taking for her headache is even doing any good—she reads the contents of the box filled with medicine, thinking of the doses, pondering on why it has worked on other occasions but it just doesn’t work now.

The third day she wakes up with a headache, she truly thinks she’s going to snap at the world. How dare they wake her up to the thumping inside her head? Words mingling together in thoughts that she can’t even comprehend.

But the reason of her headache goes past her room—it’s not the bright colors of her rented apartment that take her off guard, neither is it the scent of vanilla that she sprays on her bathroom every night and somehow makes its way into the bedroom, it’s because someone is calling her incessantly before the alarm even goes off. The perks of being an unemployed singer, however, fall on the fact that she doesn’t really have a schedule to start with.

Pushing her tiger blanket off her body, her fingertips reach for her phone. Out of the many contacts, this one surprises her the most—Shishi is the type of woman to write a text with shortened greetings, a simplistic reply and then, she’s off to her own world of anime shows and cosplaying. Much to her delight (or to her lack of understanding, thereof), Shishi is calling at six in the motherfucking morning.

If it’s Shishi, it must be an emergency.

She flops back onto her bed, pulling the covers up her face when she replies, phone to ear, “Good morning, Shishi, what are you doing up?”

“I haven’t slept.” Shishi is quick to reply, her soft voice coming in short spurts, and by the sip she hears soon after, Shishi’s companion for this morning is coffee. “I, uh, I was playing videogames, you know, and I was just thinking about what you said about breaking my ex’s heart four days ago.”

Oh, maybe that’s why she has had a headache the past three days. Alcohol had been her form of speech at that moment, when her hand grabbed Shishi’s phone with a picture of her and her ex-boyfriend, something Xiao…all she can remember now is that he is the supposed ‘Fencer Asshole’.

“Ah, Shishi…I think it was just a joke.” The feeling of her covers softening the stress on her cheeks has her closing her eyes. Just a few more hours of sleep before she has to worry about the world outside her cheap apartment. “I was drunk, Shishi. I…I don’t want to date any of my friends’ exes, no matter how attractive they are or how much they hurt them—”

Shishi lets out a groan that comes from the depths of her frustration. “But—you don’t get it. You’ve never been heartbroken. It’s…it’s the worst thing in the world.”

Opening her eyes, she stares at the harsh yellow walls of her bedroom. “Reason as to why you shouldn’t want to cause that upon someone else. It doesn’t make you a better person—”

For a moment, silence fills the air, and she thinks the call must’ve come to an end, just when she is about to slip her phone off her ear to cut the call, Shishi speaks again. “He played games with me,” She says, voice softer than what she gets to hear when she’s playing videogames. Shishi somehow lives believing that the stories she sees in manga and anime will become her reality. They never do. “Spent three months of my life last year kissing me, making me feel unique, having me going to every single one of his events only to say we were just friends after. I can’t deal with that.”

“And I’m so sorry, Shishi, but that just happens—”

“Please, you promised!” For a second, she thinks back to the time Shishi was truly heartbroken by Xiao Dejun. Locked in her room without being able to get out, weeping so silently that no one noticed—no one but her group of friends, arriving with her favorite meals, tickets to her favorite shows, and none of them got them out. Only on her own had she been able to break through the ties that held her to Dejun. “I was miserable for months. Sometimes, when I really think about it, I still feel like I can hear his voice. Please, I just need him to get a taste of his own medicine.”

The day she dies, she wants to believe she was a good person—she helped her friends, was there for her family, and did what she thought was good. At this moment in time, she doesn’t know if it’s a good thing—heartbreak is overrated yet huge on its own, but it’s what her friend wants. Revenge tastes sweet, and she hasn’t had anything to eat yet.

“Okay, I will.” She sighs deeply, her vocal cords hurting by the words she just said. “But I need some background on this dude. All I remember is your snotty voice when you were crying for him.”

Almost like the shows she watches, Shishi squeals in delight, slurping some more of her drink before speaking up. “Xiao Dejun, born in Dongguan, a famous fencer that went to the Olympics when he was sixteen. Ah, he doesn’t really enjoy coffee, he prefers tea. Loves dogs, has one, too. Sucker for musicals, has the prettiest eyes…” When she recites him that way, she wonders how in fucking hell Shishi got her heart broken by someone who loves musicals. To be quite honest, if someone asks you to watch CATS on a first date and your heart ends up in shambles, that’s on you. “But he always flirted with one of his trainers.”

“What was her na—?”

“Chenhao.”

“Oh…right.”

“Chenhao. She’s like the anime enemy of my love story,” Somehow, she wonders if Shishi sees the world the same way she does. Either way, she closes her eyes tightly, hoping for the headache to go away. “Tall, has short hair, I think she had a rose tattoo on her shoulder but it’s rarely seen. Hot as all fuck.”

“She sounds super hot.” She replies, only to earn a scoff from Shishi. “Baby, I’m just being honest. You’re hot in your own way, too, but if you were never something official—”

“Ah, ah, don’t go there!” Shishi conquers. “I just need you to be the Chenhao in this situation. Crush his heart. Make him regret it.”

You know, with the lack of gigs coming directly to her—an artist in the rising that doesn’t get past a thousand plays on Soundcloud, this sounds like a good distraction. A fencer, perhaps, is one of the things she would’ve never imagined herself ever dating or looking for, but it is what she gets. The kind of person she has to capture to have Shishi feeling good about herself again.

“What I do for you, Shishi. What I do for you…”

“And I love you for it!”

###

The world rotates in ways we don’t understand—one day, we’re saying we won’t do one thing and some months later, we’re living exactly what we never wanted to go through. It’s the cycle of life; reason as to why fashion gets old and renews itself perfectly, or why the songs we used to listen to years ago can’t seem to get out of our hearts, doesn’t matter if we still know the lyrics or not. With that in mind, entering the local fencing tournament with a ticket in between her fingers and an unpolished denim jacket across her shoulders isn’t something she would have imagined herself doing a week ago. Alas, life works in marvelous ways.

Most of the people by the bleachers are parents, clear in the way they dress, in their cheers and pamphlets that read children’s names. Her heart warms at the whooping from some people, wondering where that side of her life had gone to. You see, life hasn’t been so innocent to her the past few months—lack of employment, songs that speak about her turmoil of thoughts, blending into the hatred she feels for her decisions. A singer on tables in local bars, but never quite making it through. Never quite making an impression.

Instead, she sits down, watching the group of children in fencing uniforms, white and perfectly polished, holding the sabre with expertise, perhaps learning from someone much more knowledgeable. Not a lot of adults are on the center of the tournament, but she catches sight of someone kneeling to fix the sleeves of a kid’s uniform, taking off his mask to showcase his messed-up brown hair and his twinkling, smiling eyes. Her throat dries in recognition, though, he looks much more different from what Shishi had described.

Xiao Dejun is a fallen star at that moment—in his eyes, a universe. His fingers quickly work on the elongated fabric of that kid’s uniform, speaking to him with certainty, grinning in a way that would make anyone comfortable. When he gets back on his feet, taut and slim body in full display under that white uniform (still, leaving something to the imagination), he takes his sabre in between his hands, speaking with certainty.

The sabre glides across the air like a dance, a samba of sorts that romanticizes such unrecognized art. Her vision is filled only with him—with the way he hits his sabre with the kid’s, pulling his mask on his face with quick motions before pushing himself forward. When the kid manages to pinch his stomach, bending the sabre in the process, he can’t help but cheer loudly—heard over the chatter of people, followed by a high five from the kid, perhaps on ten years old at most.

Oh, youth tournament. When Shishi had spoken about a tournament, she thought Dejun would be the one competing, but as he makes his way towards the bleachers, right at the bottom of it, she can’t help but hit herself mentally.

Youth.

He’s not going to participate.

He’s training children in this competition.

No one is seated by his side, so her legs slide away from her seat to move closer to him before anyone could take the space beside him. Her converses hit the bleachers with certainty, excusing herself between the masses of parents to plop herself down next to Xiao Dejun. From up close, with his mask off, she can see a thin layer of seat falling on his forehead and on the perfectly styled bridge of his nose. His thick eyebrows frown together when he is concentrated, a memory of the kind of man he is. Too given to his job, perhaps, too given to this sport.

Competitive.

Meant for winning.

But she’s going to win over him.

“I’m guessing you know a lot about this.” She starts, leaning back and placing her backpack over her legs. Dejun finally looks away from the masses of children preparing themselves for the first portion of the tournament, giving a smile that transforms into a cackle. Anyone is a sucker for humor, you see.

“Well, ah, yes, of course.” Dejun points at his uniform, before crossing his arms over his chest. “I am guessing you don’t know much.”

“There’s always time for learning.” She extends her hand then, introducing herself with certainty as he looks into his eyes. They turn into half-moons at that moment, smiling with delight as he shakes her hand in a greeting. Oddly charming.

“Xiao Dejun. I’m a trainer for the local team.” He introduces himself and, oh, of course he sounds like he has his life together. It wouldn’t surprise her if someone like him had spent the entirety of his youth simply giving himself to his sport. “If you don’t know a thing about fencing, I’m surprised you’re even here.”

“A friend told me the tournament was going to be entertaining…” Her voice trails at that moment, remembering that she shouldn’t say much about Shishi. “And I happened to have free time.”

Naturally, a blush appears across his honey skin. Strawberry meeting the dulcet honey-tea. “What do you do?”

“I’m a singer.” Though, it’s rare for her to ever say that these days. “…Or, I try to be. You see, it’s harder than you think to find someone to listen to your music when you don’t have an artist name.”

“I think your name is nice for an artist.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah!” Dejun conquers, nodding in a way that has her chuckling. Okay, so not only oddly charming—entirely so. “I would listen to your albums.”

She scoffs at his words. “Liar.”

“Ah, not a liar—” But he doesn’t deny it. Sweet-tooth meeting a dulcet mouth, embarking her in a trip for falling. It’s not a wonder that Shishi had been caught in his trap. “But if you want to learn something else apart from singing, I give classes every once in a while. You just have to sign up and all that.”

Looking at Dejun as he bends his knees and pushes the sabre forward, his face hidden behind a mask, somehow doesn’t sound like such a bad idea. If anything, it’s a way to get closer. “I’ll think about it.”

“Good.”

Dejun stands up at that moment, running his hands over his thighs to clean them on the white fabric. “I have to leave now, though. I hope you enjoy the tournament.”

Her eyes rake over his figure, a big beam on her features. “Oh, I’ll make sure to do just that.”

If the parents are going crazy on the bleachers, Dejun is the equilibrium—the middle ground that gives everyone strength. Each kid seems to have him as an energizer, looking for his approval even though he’s not the oldest of the trainers. Dejun’s throat must hurt from how much he is cheering for them, clapping widely, taking the sport as an art, and it’s at this moment that she does see Xiao Dejun in a different light, somewhat an angel in between the bunch of shit he did to Shishi.

Yet, unlike hers, his world doesn’t stop. In hopes of talking to him after the tournament is over, she’s surprised to see the groups of parents clouding him with cameras and phones to take pictures of him with their children.

He doesn’t have time for her.

The heat of the summer afternoon pleads for her to take off her jacket, slipping it off and hanging it from her arm as she tries to call a cab. The holes of her graphic t-shirt (all out of style, of course) don’t do much to keep her fresh as she calls the usual number for her ride, only to remain waiting. None of the parents have gotten out to the tournament just yet, leaving her in solitude in the small street, only accompanied by the people in the Chinese restaurant in front of her, who are too occupied in working with their clients.

Though, something takes her off guard—the motorcycle that had passed by just mere minutes ago has passed by again, this time slower, checking out her spot in the sidewalk. She lowers the phone to look at the man with the dark glasses and horrendous, patchy hair. Something about him feels off, but before she could further intensify her discomfort, he rushes off in his motorcycle. But, he’s not too far away, she can still hear the roaring of the engine—

The door opens at that moment, welcoming the sight of Dejun in more comfortable clothing—his brown hair more brushed at this moment, sporting a white t-shirt and dark joggers, pressing his phone up to his ear. “Excuse me, I called a cab for you.” He tells her, grabbing her elbow and pulling her back the slightest. “Ah, I saw you leave on your own…but the neighborhood has been experiencing some robberies from a man in a motorcycle and I doubt you knew. Maybe, wait inside until the cab arrives, okay?”

When Dejun closes the glassed door in front of her, making sure to lock it, she spares one glance his way. He’s much too close, though he doesn’t notice it, his chest touching her shoulder by the time she says: “T—Thank you, I had no idea.”

“Today’s learning day for you, then.” Dejun plays around, giving her one of her infamous smiles, though, his eyes are the most impressive. Somehow, she can’t look away from them. “Ah…I still have to attend the parents. Are you okay with staying here alone?”

She’d rather stay a few minutes more with him, hear that deep tone in his voice that lingers with a smile most of the time. “It’s okay. Go with your fanbase.”

“It’s not a fanbase.” Dejun defends with an eye-roll, before walking backwards. “I hope to see you in my fencing classes one day.”

She shrugs her shoulders, knowing exactly how to keep him at the edge of his seat. “I’ll have to see. Maybe, maybe not.”

Someone calls Dejun’s name at that moment and the sunshine in his eyes stops looking at her, leaving her in darkness.

###

From: Elena Wang.

I still think this is the worst idea you’ve had to date.

Or that we, as a group, have collectively decided upon.

Literally.

Her shoes patter against the sidewalk, moving over to the same place in which the tournament had taken place in two weeks ago. Out of all the texts she expected to get at four in the afternoon on a Monday, Elena talking about how bad it is that they had bet to break someone’s heart wasn’t it. Her manager, however, should be texting her about the demos she had sent out over a month ago…and yet, she receives no response about that.

The air is turning fresher this time of the year, enough to move her flannel as she walks with lack of precision, turning her gaze to the group-chat she shares with her friends.

From: Shishi.

It’s not a bad idea at all.

I was heartbroken because of Dejun.

From: Elena Wang.

And what if she falls in love with Dejun?

He’s handsome.

And she hasn’t gotten laid in well over a year.

I’m sure she could see an average guy from afar and she would be interested.

From: Yifei.

Did Elena just call you a hoe absentmindedly?

Free pussy for everyone including Dejun.

To: Group-Chat.

I won’t fall for Dejun.

Come on.

I’m fine.

From: Yifei.

How did that song go?

I hypnotize you with this pussy…

Now you feel like you can fly.

Fly.

From: Shishi.

She won’t sleep with him.

It’s off the charts.

To: Group-Chat.

Right.

Off the charts.

From: Shishi.

Is that sarcasm in the form of a text?

Opening the door to the fencing area, she hears the swoosh of air that follows when it closes. The warmth is nicely welcomed, though the groups of people gathering by the middle make her nervous. Some around their age, some definitely younger—perhaps teens, if she’s exact—and all more interested in fencing than she is. One person stands out, however, in the middle as he gives instructions out as well as smiles. Those that she can’t get over and done with.

Dejun is quite a fit for the person she would’ve imagined would break her dating drought, but Shishi would absolutely kill her if she decided to get overly intimate with him. Well, that’s what her texts indicate when she checks her phone one last time before putting her bag down on the bleachers.

From: Shishi.

Right?

You won’t sleep with him.

It’s forbidden.

Even I didn’t sleep with him.

From: Yifei.

Let her get some!

God bless the day Jhené Aiko decided to say:

That dick make my soul smile.

That dick make me so proud.

From: Shishi.

She.

Can’t.

See.

His.

Dick.

To: Group-Chat.

Girls, what kind of woman do you take me for?

I’m not that easy to sleep with.

Besides, if Shishi says it’s off the charts, it’s off the charts.

From: Yifei.

No pussy fairy, then?

To: Group-Chat.

The pussy fairy died last year. Now, I can’t even kiss someone.

Or I could, if you just let me do my own damn thing and talk to Dejun.

With that, she locks her phone and puts it inside one of the pockets of her bag.

Dejun awakens a sunset inside of her when he smiles at her, perhaps, thrown to the world and she takes it in between her fingertips as hers. Though, someone else starts talking to her, short dark hair masking enigmatic features on their wake. The rose tattoo on her shoulder is barely covered by the sleeves of her uniform, walking over to her with another fencing outfit.

“You should get changed,” The seductive tone of her voice lingers with the scent of cigarettes, and it is at this moment that she meets Shishi’s biggest enemy: Chenhao. “I don’t know if this is your size or anything, but it’s the best I could find. The class has already started and you don’t want to miss Dejun’s first class.”

Chenhao quirks one of her thin eyebrows when she doesn’t take the uniform firsthand, but after some pondering, she takes it in between her hands. Damn, she’s actually as hot as Shishi described, if not more. Is it possible that she is the one dating Dejun? “I understand.” She says, already slipping into the uniform while talking to Chenhao. “You have high regards of him.”

“I do.” Chenhao complies, nodding at her words.

“Why?”

“He’s a nice fencer.” She starts, looking down at a folder in between her hands before clicking on her pen. “What is your name again?”

After saying it, her hands come behind her back to zip herself up. “…Is he a nice guy apart from a good fencer?”

“Too much of a nice guy.” Chenhao says. “You don’t know how many women we have had to talk to because he was just too nice to them. Some think he’s just flirty, I just think he doesn’t realize that not all people are going to want to be his friend.”

“I mean, he’s an adult, he probably notices—”

“He doesn’t.” Chenhao conquers, already pushing her towards the group of people. “But I can notice that you’re also one of those women that come here to get Dejun’s attention, but I’ll just turn my blind eye on it.”

“I’m not—”

“Hey, long time no see!”

When Dejun speaks and she smiles gleefully, all her excuses fall down as pure and futile lies.

“Dejun!” It’s ridiculous how her knees seem to give in, words filled with roses as she expects his mere attention to fall on her. Those two orbs—penetrating, piercing, become one with her. “I’m sorry I’m late. I was talking to my manager.”

Looking for a sabre, he places it in between her hands, his fingers coming in contact with hers with the softest touch. They’re calloused, if anything, come to learn most athletes don’t have the softest hands. “How did that go?”

“Well, horrible, you see.” She replies, well aware of the fact that— “My manager did not actually talk, but ignore my calls altogether. Texted me saying he hasn’t gotten any news.”

Dejun hisses at that, placing one hand on top of her shoulder as he leads her to the group of people. “Mhm, fencing can always help letting the steam off.”

“You know how to sell your business really well, you know?”

“…I’ve come to learn a thing or two.” Dejun, who grabs his sabre with more of a stronger grasp, though somewhat elegant in his approach, leans one leg forward. “I need you to take positions.” And she does, for something about the way he loves fencing just shows through. The love that knows no lies, no bleeding memories of a past that awes someone not to trust—he loves the sport so carelessly that he’d die for it. Would give his life out just for one moment with the sabre. “Always take into consideration, though, that fencing is about balance, elegance—it’s not about fighting, it’s about portraying art with your body.” Putting the sabre down, he clears his throat. “I’m Xiao Dejun, your instructor for today, and I will start going over the basic things about fencing. What it is, a part of its history, and then, we can move onto the actual sport on itself.”

When she was a student, there was always this one kid that prepared a little too magnificently, and while most people rotted in envy and rolled their eyes at said person’s presentation, she always found them to be…enchanting. To love something—not someone—enough for it to drive you to limits of yourself only to deliver something greater than what you have been taught shows strength. Perseverance is attractive at that moment when Dejun takes his time to instruct everyone how to properly stand when fencing, when putting on his mask and gliding the sabre as if it was part of his body.

But, she’s not that good at it.

At first, she doesn’t notice it—how to notice it when she’s working with people equally as bad as her? But when Dejun stands in front of her, sabre in hand, ready to take over the world, her breath gets caught in her throat, hard to swallow when he comes forward and forward, practically cornering her before the sabre bends onto her stomach.

“Don’t panic,” Dejun indicates. “That’s the first step. If you panic, you don’t act—and if you don’t act, you’re going to lose.”

She takes off her mask, then, a sigh ripping from the depths of her throat when she says: “Not everyone is born with talent like you, Dejun.”

Dejun chuckles at that, taking off his mask as well when he gives an answer. “I wasn’t born with talent for fencing. I just happened to make a mistake when I tried to get in the soccer team. Ended up signing myself up for fencing classes.”

Well, that’s surprising. “No way!”

“I did.” Dejun conquers. “You can’t imagine just how confused I was when I was given a sabre instead of a ball. But I made do.”

“Things happen for a reason.”

“They do.” Though, his eyes glide over her face, looking down at her lips momentarily before sweet laughter creeps up on him. Mhm, maybe he does think that destiny put her there.

Destiny is called Shishi Hong.

And it’s Dejun’s…ex…friend…

Ex friend with benefits?

Ex…friend that he liked?

Ex something.

“What are you doing on Friday?” She asks, lips coming together to wet themselves, and Dejun chuckles.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Dinner sounds nice.”

“Then, dinner it is.” Though, his sweetener ways come back when he quirks an eyebrow. “Did you just come here to ask me out on a date?”

If only he knew that she came here to shatter his heart. Instead to tell him just that, she smiles. “Maybe, maybe not. What’s the fun in telling you?”

Dejun puts his mask down, waving the sabre around her and making her stay on guard. “I have to get the answers out of you?”

“Not with a sabre.” She replies, a squeal on her voice when the sabre bends by her abdomen—again. Expected, honestly.

“How?”

A giggle rips from her throat then, shaking her head at his antics. “You’ll have to figure it out on our date, Dejun.”

“Damn it.” Dejun feigns anger, a pout on his lips when he adds: “Gotta give me your number after this, you know?”

“Oh, definitely.”

Though, she can feel a pair of piercing eyes on hers, different from Dejun’s—they freeze her in place when she realizes Chenhao is looking at her, somehow inspecting her situation. Perhaps, she knows her real intentions, those she has with the man that is being called over again, leaving with an apology as he helps another group of people.

Is she really doing this? Breaking someone’s heart just because of her friend?

###

Leonardo DiCaprio in The Great Gatsby would be proud of her look right now.

The night has never looked better, but with a satin dress clinging to her curves—coming directly from Elena’s wardrobe—and a striped long coat over it, she feels enigmatic. Little does Dejun know when he picks her up in his car, neither too expensive not too new, that she’s laid out to be a seductress. Not to sleep with him, Shishi would have her head if that was the case, but to bathe in confidence and let him seek for more.

Jay, Bingbing’s husband, hides most of his tattoos underneath the burlesque suit he has to wear. Red, fitted to his body, with a bowtie that conceals the lines of tattoos that scatter from his chest. His curly black hair is moved away from his face thanks to a lot of gel, making the strands glisten under the harsh lights of the casino-themed restaurant. It’s a beautiful place, not to be misunderstood, with spacious tables that represent those of poker in Las Vegas, plates themed in ways that would be misunderstood by the public had not they placed food on top of them. People dress up to the nines, and Dejun, sadly, didn’t seem to get the memo.

Shit, she had forgotten to tell him to just dress elegantly.

Though, her eyes can’t help but go over to him—the simplicity of such a man with a gray sweater half-tucked inside a pair of black jeans, who takes her breath away when he pushes his brown hair away from his face with his hand and asks for a table for two. These days, men like him are hard to find. Neruda poems made person, with an ode to love.

“I didn’t know you were bringing a date today.” Jay says from his spot, tapping his finger against the screen to showcase the width of available tables. Not that many, but the one near the window calls out for her name, so she points at it.

“Well, it’s not usual for me to bring a date whatsoever.” She replies, somehow widening her eyes at Jay. She only hopes Bingbing had not told him about their little bet—

“Touché.” Jay jots something down on the notebook before clearing his throat. “Please, let me take your coats while you’re inside. You can come directly to me to grab them once you plan to leave.”

Something about Dejun makes her heart swirl. It shouldn’t, but it does. When a summer day arrives and she has her precious iced tea, the ice always stays at the bottom, and she looks for them, moves them, lets them be the circle of her life for one second or two, maybe a few minutes. It’s nothing interesting, but it’s necessary. Just like him when he lifts his lips in one of those smiles that make his eyes look even more beautiful, placing both hands on top of her shoulders.

“May I?” And really, Shishi would kill her if she read her thoughts. For one, his rosy lips look inviting, eyes asking her if she’d rather imagine him as a sinning angel or a pure devil. Off the charts, she tells herself, shaking her head in the process before recomposing herself.

“Of course,” Though, she almost forgets that she’s dressed to kill—better dressed than she has ever been on any date. Whatever. It’s not like she’s actually seducing him with a back-less dress, but when the fabric of her coat glides across her shoulders, down her arms, she spares one look at him. “I’ll be cold, though.”

“I’ll keep you warm.” He says, though he laughs loudly at his own antics, rubbing his hands against her arms. Resided deep in her heart, it hits her like a train-wreck—she loves the jittery feeling of being there with him. When her cheeks can’t stop blaring heat and her lips are constantly being moistened simply because she wants to talk to him. Is this, perhaps, her way of betraying Shishi?

Her heels click against the tiles as she walks behind Jay, Dejun right by her side, eager to maintain the conversation going. “I didn’t take you as a flirt.”

Dejun’s eyes welcome the light perfectly. Maybe, solar energy was created because of him. Inspired on him. “Some people say I am,” He drags her seat for her to take, making sure not to flash the entirety of the restaurant when sitting down. She crosses one leg over the other as she hears him speak, the man moving over to the seat across from her. “But I actually think I’m just too nice. I don’t mean to flirt.”

Her fingertips trail over the menu, looking at the prices and silently praying for them to gain a coupon or something. The things she does to go out with Dejun.

Wait, wait, wait.

Hold that thought.

It’s the things she does for Shishi, not for Dejun.

Oh, my fucking God—

“I happen to be the least flirty person I know.” She says, going back and forth on their conversation, only to hear Dejun scoff.

“You are flirty.”

If only he knew her group of friends, he wouldn’t say such thing. “I’m not!” Oh wait, he does know someone in her group of things—

Shishi.

When is the last time she replied to one of her texts?

Had she been too busy talking to Dejun to actually embark in a conversation with her friend?

“I know someone you flirt with that is very aware of your flirting.” Dejun replies, thanking the waitress that comes with a glass of water before lifting the menu up in the air. “I’m feeling lobster, what about you?”

She laughs at his antics. Dejun, though not the most well-paid person, happened to embark in a lot of expensive tastes when he was travelling around the world for fencing competitions. At the time, his sponsors would pay everything—but now, the blows go directly to his bank account. “You feel like losing all your money in just one meal?”

“My grandma used to say to eat as if it was the last time you were doing so.” Dejun instructs, the nostalgia in his voice lingering in depths that she doesn’t want to think about. “And I happen to like lobster a lot.”

“I’m having carbonara.” She says, looking over to the waitress when she gives her the menu back.

The woman places the menu against her hip, jotting it out the slightest. “Anything else?”

“I have to drive so cola for me.” Dejun initiates, pointing at her with his chin. “What do you want?”

If she’s wrecking the night, she better do it like a star. “Wine for me. Red.”

“Alright. I’ll have your meals out in a minute.” The waitress says, bowing deeply before moving over to the kitchen. She loses sight of her when she leans her weight back against the leather of the seat she has taken up on.

“So…”

“When are you singing something for me?” Dejun asks, placing his elbows over the table and looking at her directly in the eye. Though she’s on the verge of bankruptcy, she still lifts her shoulders in a shrug.

“When you give me some inspiration, Dejun.”

“Me?” He asks in between a chuckle, using his thumb to point at himself.

“Do I know other Dejun?” She asks, biting on her nail softly as she leans forward as well, capturing his lips in one of her tracing gazes. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Why does she want to kiss him?

That wasn’t part of the deal—

But…to break his heart…she kind of has to have something with him.

Or is she just being selfish?

“You better not.”

Dejun is a feather that happened to fall in the ocean, and she’s the sailor that came across such thing, grasped it in her hands and now can’t get the fabric away from her fingertips. It clings to her in ways that she isn’t used to, but doesn’t hate at all. His words, the way he laughs, how he embarks in conversation without ever judging her—they meet in their differences, grow in their jokes, build something from the ground up respecting each other. It feels like talking to him goes by too quickly, the food disappearing even though she’s not that hungry. It’s that feeling of fitting with someone that she had heard about but had never lived through, and she absolutely hates it.

…To hide that she actually loves it.

A movie plays inside her head—not with the picture of kids and a house, but with the feeling of needing him to hold her. Everything he says connects him like a puzzle. Xiao Dejun started fencing when he was a child by accident, then it became the light of his eyes. His favorite person is his dad. He doesn’t prefer either tea or coffee, but if he has to choose, he loves tea. He wants to face all his fears even once in his life. He’s easily breakable. Though, he keeps it hidden, a secret that remains in between the two.

She keeps drinking and lets loose a little bit as well. Her dream of being a singer that started when she was twelve years old, watching one of those R&B singers on TV and then, needing to do something of the like. She learned how to play guitar and she does it averagely well, but nothing out of the ordinary. She’s careful—she doesn’t want to live regretting the things she has done, and when he asks if she’s ever regretted anything in her life, she shakes her head.

Never.

But now, she thinks she’s going to regret something—

Breaking his heart.

When the wine meets her head with a thump, she’s already out of the casino, dangling from Dejun’s shoulder as he holds her waist closely. His hand is warm, nice enough to leave her no choice but to daydream of that same hand roaming the entirety of her body. Perhaps, she has lit herself up in fire by drinking while he didn’t, but who cares about that?

No words come up to her mouth when Dejun leans her against the car to be able to open the passenger door, but she takes this time to inspect him. His messy hair, thick eyebrows, deep eyes—those lips, two sins asking for a taste. She needs a taste. Instead, she lets her hands wander, hovering over his waist before tugging at it, bringing him closer to look directly into his eyes.

He chuckles, playing with the strands of her hair to push them away from her face. “What’s up?”

“I want to do something…” She trails her voice, biting down on her bottom lip as she lets her utmost desire speak. She’s careful, of course, love is not what she wants—but somehow, she wants to relish on the feeling of him, having him underneath her to press kisses on his neck, make his world shake in the way that would settle her as a confident woman. It’s a promise to herself: sex. “Only if you want, though.”

Dejun must have caught up on what she said, his smile falling as he widens his eyes. “Something like w—what?”

“Like doing me.” She replies, heat catching up with her face, making Dejun chuckle as he shakes his head.

“I won’t do that. You’re drunk, first.” He instructs. “And secondly, I don’t have sex with people on the first date. Sorry.”

She tries to push herself away at that moment, embarrassment making a home out of her, but her back comes in contact with the door of the car. “O—Oh, shit, sorry, forget I even said that. I’m so stupid—”

Dejun shakes his head rapidly. “N—Not that I don’t want you! I just…I have a weird view of love, I guess. And sex, altogether.” Dejun takes the spot beside her, looking up at the sign that reads the name of the restaurant. “God, you’re so hot. I…I don’t know how I am capable to deny you, but I am doing it.”

Something ignites in her heart, nodding at what he says. “It’s okay.” She whispers. “What’s that view you have of love and sex?”

“That sex has erased love. Now love is the taboo.”

She chuckles at what he says, humming along. “You’re right.”

“I’m a romanticist, I guess.” Dejun instructs. “I’ve…I’ve grown with the idea of just…just having that foundation of feeling something before I get in the sheets with someone. Not that I don’t think it’s stupid sometimes—”

“It isn’t.” She cuts him short, opening the passenger’s door in the process. “Sex is overrated.”

“It is.”

“And I’m sorry for asking.”

“No, no—!” What he doesn’t know, however, is that she shouldn’t have even thought about it. Shishi comes up to her brain right at that moment. “Maybe, uh, maybe we can talk about our expectations on the subject on the second date?”

Before she could get inside the car, she quirks an eyebrow. “Second date?”

“Only if you want to…”

With a big smile on her face, she says: “Why wouldn’t I want to? It’s you we’re talking about, Dejun.”

###

Mondays have become the designated fencing day for the past month. Not that she has gotten any better—but it’s an excuse to see Dejun.

Just as she’s walking through the neighborhood, phone in hand (and she can hear Dejun cursing at her for doing this), she reads through the group-chat. Lately, she hasn’t been checking up much with her friends. Her manager has had her auditioning for a bunch of shows in hopes of getting in, to no avail, and along with that, she has tried to balance out her romantic life to spend more time with Dejun. Since…breaking his heart…could be easier if she gets to know him better.

Or it’s just one big excuse to get to know him.

From: Bingbing.

[Picture Attached]

Jay just sent me this because he had forgotten he had taken this picture.

Here we have Xiao Dejun using his pretty eyes on our designated heartbreaker.

The picture showcases her date from nearly three weeks ago. Dejun is seated across from her, cheek held up by his palm as he looks directly at her. Her lips are parted, speaking about something with wide hand movements, and she can’t help but laugh. His eyes settle on her with a twinkle she likes.

From: Shishi.

Hold up.

Why did you dress up hot?

Were you trying to get inside his pants?

Well…uh, how does one tell one of her best friends that she tried to when drunk, but that he gently denied because he just wasn’t ready?

To: Group-Chat.

Oh my God, Shishi, no.

From: Shishi.

Why did you dress up hot, then?

To: Group-Chat.

Because it’s a date…

If you were going to be all jealous over Dejun, why did you ask me to break his heart?

From: Shishi.

He looks very fucking happy right there.

Why did you offer to break Dejun’s heart?

Did you just think he was handsome and that you wanted to fuck him?

To: Group-Chat.

Calm down, Shishi.

You’re talking to me as if I’m some whore.

From: Shishi.

You have more of a body count than I do.

To: Group-Chat.

How do you even know that?

Stop making up bullshit.

Her ears blare up with heat at that, pushing her phone into the depths of her pocket before lifting her gaze. Shishi has some fucking nerve to talk to her that way. As if it wasn’t one of her grand ideas, even though she denied, to have her meeting up with Dejun. Whatever.

The air bites at her skin, going through her white t-shirt as she nears the fencing place. Instead, she’s welcomed by the sight of two people already outside. Not one of the students, but two of the instructors instead. Chenhao is leaning against the wall, cigarette in between her fingertips as Dejun talks closely to her. Chenhao is a bit taller than Dejun, one leg crossed over the other as he smirks down at her. His eyes inspect her features, taking the cigarette from her hand before stepping on it. Chenhao doesn’t seem phased, instead crossing her arms over her chest as if challenging.

Something creeps up inside her when Dejun talks to her softly, like a flower in the middle of a garden that he wants to see grow.

“Dejun! Chenhao!” She calls out at that moment, moving over to them to see Chenhao lifting her gaze and Dejun smiling as if he had not been caught strangely close to Chenhao. The woman in question breathes out her name before grinning.

“You still come to class; I see.” Chenhao spares one look at Dejun before shrugging. “Let’s see how much this lasts.” Before she could further question her sentence, Chenhao opens the door of the salon before entering, leaving a trail of smoke behind her.

“…What the hell does that mean?” She asks in a mere whisper, watching Dejun who shakes his head.

“I have no idea.” He replies, but she can call bullshit on that.

“I think you have a good idea of what she means.” She says, looking at the cigarette that lays lifelessly on the gray concrete. “What is it? Are Chenhao and you a thing or…?”

Dejun chuckles at her words, blowing a raspberry at the end. “Oh no,” He denies quickly. “She used to train with me for the Olympics, but she has been fucking it all up with her addiction to cigarettes. I need her to get back in the game.”

For a moment, she thinks about all the times she had helped her friends—and how they had helped her, too. Maybe, that is why she is here with him on the first place. “That’s good, but it’s her life. The only person that can change her is herself.”

Dejun stares off into the street, that restaurant in front of them one that they had never visited. The city fits him just as well as nature. Something about him is just universal. “Yeah, but I’ll try to change her until she goes back to the person she used to be. I believe in her.”

Now, she realizes that her heart is beating too rapidly—both in jealousy and in happiness, somehow. “So, that’s why a bunch of women fall in love for you, huh?”

“What?”

“That dreamy look…those eyes…” She whispers, a rasp in her tone. “That’s the tactic.”

“I have flirty eyes, I guess.” He answers, running his hand over her arm before catching her fingers with hers. “But, as of now, I only use them on one person.”

“And that would be…?”

“You.”

###

Once you see someone’s apartment, it’s over. That’s either for a hook-up, you’re on the friendzone, or simply because they’re comfortable enough with you to show you the place in which they are their truest selves.

Dejun’s place is different from hers. Where do they meet? They’re both a bit disorganized. Dejun scatters uniforms across his living room, the white walls contrasting what she normally sees him in—that bone colored fencing uniform that she has managed to learn how to love. By the right, a small kitchen remains almost spotless, if she doesn’t count the random snacks she sees around. She thinks she just saw crackers next to noodles, and if he’s having them together, she may sue him.

“Don’t tell me you eat crackers with noodles.”

Dejun closes the door behind him, putting down the packages of chips they had just bought for their movie night. “Noodles with crackers, with saltines, with chips. I once had them with chocolate cookies…but I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“Ew, Dejun!” She complains, swatting his arm softly as she takes a seat on the couch, pushing the uniform he had draped on the arm’s rest to the side, folding it carefully in the process. “I don’t know what’s more of a disaster, this living room or your stomach.”

“My mom didn’t raise a guy who is scared of eating.” Dejun implies, already opening a bag of extra spicy chips before lending it over to her. “You know what the fun thing about this snack is?”

“What?” Her voice lingers with happiness, something that always comes when being around Dejun.

“That we don’t know which ones are spicy and which ones are, well, not spicy.” He plops himself down to her side, wrapping an arm around her shoulder that she can’t help but take. Why is it that the air feels far more favorable when by his side? “And I’m betting you’re going to end up biting all the spicy ones.”

“Ha!” She replies, already looking for the remote to search for a movie. Something comedy, perhaps, she’s feeling like watching something of the like of dark comedy—maybe Horrible Bosses? “I’m betting I’m not. I’ve got wits, baby.”

“And looks, too.” She hears him say, soon after pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. “I’ll eat the spicy ones for you.”

“You’ll like them. That’s not fair.”

“And?”

“…Asshole.” She replies, well aware of the nickname Shishi always calls him—fencer asshole.

That couldn’t be more far from the truth.

It’s the comfort of being half on his body, laying her head on his chest and feeling his heart thump to the beat of a trap song, as if the bass is boosted and he goes from slow to quick. His lips wrap on big smiles, laughing like a maniac at the portions she loves the most, fingers raking over her hair, going through the portions that he knows she likes the most. She could fall asleep like this, with one of his hands resting on her hip, rubbing soothing circles over her jeans. This is not the type of imagery she’d show to her friends.

But who cares about her friends right at this moment?

What can she do when she says she’s cold, and Dejun drapes his jacket on top of the two of them, taking the arms to bring her closer by tightening them around his waist? The fabric tugs at the two of them uncomfortably, and she can’t stop laughing as they are face to face, looking into his precious eyes that create a rich brown mirror for her to look at herself into. It’s at this moment that she knows she wants Xiao Dejun, not only as a heartbreak, but as someone else—she wants to be able to be like this for as long as this romance is supposed to last.

She doesn’t want to break his heart.

“I thought you weren’t a flirt.” She tells him, her breath ghosting on top of his face, and his eyes trail down to look at her moving lips. It’s the kind of memory that will forever live in her brain—when she feels the most lightweight.

“I get by.” Dejun replies, leaning forward to peck her lips softly, delicately, as if he has all the time of the world, licking his lips before leaning forward again, reputing her in an adventure that she shouldn’t have taken place in, but she does. Her fingers thread through his locks, moving her body up until her legs rest in between his, chest pressed to his, body molding to his as if they were meant to be united. The sound that fills the air connects their lips in rhythmic motions, ones that she can’t get out of her head, breathing heavily against his lips.

Shishi said not to kiss him, not to let his hands roam as he touches her waist, her hips, her thighs, becomes one with the knowledge of what she likes and what she doesn’t. Shishi said not do this, to break his heart.

But at this very moment, it would be easier for Dejun to break her heart instead.

###

Though her manager, Hao, had been clear about her mini appearance at a café, she doesn’t feel less nervous. For once, she can say that cafés are the worst thing to ever be created—vintage, nostalgic, filled with teenagers who want to have as many Americanos as possible and adults that think the beige walls and white tables are their aesthetic. Croissants, coffee and cream, someone with tea that she can’t quite recognize, and a guitar that weights heavily on her lap.

The seat she is on is uncomfortable, trying to tune her guitar before she starts singing. Her manager sits along with Bingbing and Shishi, both having brought themselves here even when it clashed with their work hours—they needed to bring support, but all they did was stare at her as her hands shook. It’s been a while since she has truly sung in front of people, full sets, and live above all.

She needs to gain some confidence, but she doesn’t. The guitar strums uncomfortably and she hears someone coughing when she leans into the microphone. She closes her eyes tightly, trying to remember the love songs she has written for the past two months. Memories of Dejun, of the sand in between her fingers, the songs they have shared together, of the smell of cigarettes that never comes from him but from Chenhao instead. Things she dreams about with him, for him, all drowning her away from the nervousness that keeps her on surface.

And she lets go.

“Welcome, I’m going to be singing for the next two hours—” She says, instructing her name into the microphone before sending a smile towards her manager. “You can ask for some songs later on, if I know it, I will sing it. Whatever it is…I’m here for you.”

She thinks she has it together—this is only part of her dream. Someday, she will get discovered, she tries to convince herself, but the moment her song starts in a major tune, E, then C, she loses it all. Her fingers continue playing, but when she parts her lips, the note comes out flat, as if her vibratos hadn’t been practiced…or if she didn’t know how to hold her tone at all.

The song goes on for another two minutes, far from what she wanted but somehow, not bad for those listening. Only when she hears the door of the café opening, she opens her eyes, welcoming the stance of the man that enters the café. Cladded in a striped shirt and light jeans, Dejun crosses his arms over his chest to wave his hand softly, smiling at her before leaning against the wall next to the entrance door.

And with all those creamy colors and the smile on his face—the smile of his eyes that she has never managed to understand, she finally gets to sing again.

It’s weird how he brings all these emotions up on her, how he has become such a comfortable feeling for her, far enough for her to concentrate only on him for the first hour, only stopping to take a drink of her tea and warm up her vocal cords. It’s at that moment that she sees two people nearing her, and she expects one of them to be Dejun, but when she feels a pair of skinny arms wrap around her, the smell of bleach coming from someone’s hair, she knows it’s Shishi.

Her beloved Shishi.

And her beloved Dejun.

What a shame she can’t have both.

Jewels shine in his eyes when she pulls away, recognition overtaking him when Shishi says: “Oh fuck, I’m so proud of you!” And the excitement of her voice is welcomed by a shy smile from her, capturing Dejun’s glance as he lifts his eyebrows, mouthing a ‘we’ll talk later’ to her.

“Shishi—”

“We have to go work right now,” Bingbing says, fixing the bag on her shoulder. “But you’re killing it, babe. For real.”

“Thanks…”

Though, she can’t say much as they slip away from the café, Dejun taking careful steps forward, as if pondering to get near her, not even cutting the situation short when he reaches her, frowning deeply when he asks: “You know Shishi? You’re friends with her?”

“Ah…” She rubs the back of her neck, taking another sip from her Styrofoam cup. She could say the truth—or a distorted version of it, but instead, she opts to look him straight in the eyes. She doesn’t want to miss any of them. Shishi once said he was egotistical, that he played with a bunch of women all at once; games that she would never understand, but she’d rather play this game than not play it at all. “I—I know Bingbing, I don’t exactly—I don’t consider myself close to Shishi.”

“We…uh, she had a crush on me for the longest time and was a bit obsessive about it.”

Now, she knows. Now, she finally sees that they were just friends…and maybe, she misunderstood everything. “I had no idea.”

“You sure?”

With the straightest face, she fixes the strap of her guitar, strumming a chord before nodding. “Of course, baby, why would I lie to you?”

But she does it straight to his face, singing all those songs that mean the truth but knowing one thing—

She has to lose one. Either Shishi or Dejun.

###

Dejun shakes her autumn does to its leaves, softly, making her fall more and more for him in the days they meet and finally, in the first night they shared. It takes Dejun almost three months for him to feel fully comfortable—for the romantic in him to clad him away from the clothing that covers him, for his breaths to mingle with hers as they become one, hands placed on top of her head, lips wanting nothing more than to connect with hers. It is as though every sound that leaves him is music for her, and maybe, they’re the inspiration for the album she will once have.

When she goes to sleep, she goes with a visual in mind—Dejun, laying on her bed, with one hand behind his head, the other resting on his bare chest, the taut muscles from his days and nights of training leaving nothing to the imagination. Her lips connect to the mole on his forehead, speaking softly against his skin about the beauty of him. She doesn’t think she will ever forget it.

But the night clashes into sleep, awakening her only when she hears the loud rustle of the sheets, accompanied by the harsh sound of someone mumbling to themselves. Cuss after cuss after cuss. When she opens her eyes, groggily at first, she realizes that half of the covers have draped away from her, leaving her bare to the world, but the man in front of her doesn’t care, holding her phone in her hand as he puts on his pair of jeans.

She doesn’t know why her heart skips a beat—she doesn’t talk to other men romantically, but somehow, she knows there are secrets on that phone that she doesn’t want Dejun to see. How in the world did he manage to figure out her password?

“What are you doing with my phone?” She asks, barely audible as she pulls the covers farther up her chest, covering herself up as Dejun finally looks at her. “Dejun, why were you looking through my phone?”

“I saw your password the first time we met, accidentally. I figured it was the same.” Though, he throws the phone on the bed, close enough for her to grab and unlock it. What he was looking at hits her like a train—he was reading through her group-chat, months and months worth of information displayed in front of her eyes. “And I wasn’t going to do it, but Shishi kept calling you this morning and I answered, yeah, sorry, I answered your fucking phone but Shishi was even more surprised to hear I was staying the night at your place.”

Fuck. Shishi must be fucking devastated. “Dejun—”

“So, Shishi said—” He puts his shirt on before sighing. “Shishi fucking said that she didn’t know we were still seeing each other, considering that you told her that you had broken things with me…and for someone who said she wasn’t that close to Shishi, that sounded awfully like friendship.”

“Dejun…” Her voice breaks, even worse than when she’s nervous and she’s about to sing. “It’s not what you think—”

“No, it wasn’t what I thought. I thought that you actually liked me, that I was finally having a good thing for once—”

“But I do like you!”

Dejun, out of anger, grabs one of the cushions they had dropped on the floor last night and tosses it to the wall behind her, thumping loudly until it falls, making her lamp almost fall for the floor had she not grabbed it. “Stop fucking lying! Shishi said that you were supposed to break my heart. She didn’t know how, and supposedly, you told her you had done it already, so I looked through your phone and much to my surprise, all I see are details about our dates, about how in love you have me—”

All an act, she thought it was. She wanted to keep both her friendship, her pride and her relationship with Dejun. It backfired, heavily, enough to take her breath away. “Dejun, baby, I’m so sorry. Just—When I started doing this, I thought you were an asshole. Shishi said you broke her heart to pieces and I wanted to do it for my friend—”

“Then, why didn’t you fucking tell me?” Dejun asks, shaking his head after, pinching the bridge of his nose in the process. “No. How fucking immature do you have to be make a bet like that? Love isn’t a fucking game.”

“W—Well, I was told it was for you.”

“I’m just nice to people, sorry. I never played with Shishi. That’s called being selective—talking to people and seeing if they’re your fit or not. I’m not obligated to shit.” His voice is venom when she looks through the masses of messages, how she aspired to make everyone believe she didn’t like him, but—

“Dejun, I’m so into you. Please, please, just believe me in this one.” Tears stream down her face at that moment, standing up with her blanket tightened across her body. “Dejun, I’m so sorry.”

“Congratulations.” Dejun whispers, opening the door to her room and having her follow closely. She almost trips a bunch of times, the blankets becoming one with her feet as she moves. “You broke someone’s heart. You were fucking right. It was that easy.”

“Dejun!”

When the entrance door closes right at her face, her fist comes in contact with the surface. In reality, she had to lose someone…

What a shame it was the person she loved.

To: Group-Chat.

I broke someone’s heart.

Mine.

#xiaojun scenarios #xiaojun #wayv scenarios #wayv #nct scenarios #nct #kpop scenarios #writing #how to lose someone in seven steps?

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thatwasthenightthingschanged · 3 years

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Hi Sarah! My favourite songs from You Signed Up For This are: the title track, I'm Trying (Not Friends), and John Hughes Movie. In addition to the first three tracks, Villain and Elvis Song are also growing on me 💖

One thing that really impressed me with Maisie Peters' You Signed Up For This is the lyrics: they're so emotionally relatable and engaging :D Which lyrics from the album do you personally relate to the most?

P.S. There are so many wonderful music releases this year!! In addition to You Signed Up For This, what are a few other new albums that you've been enjoying lately?

ahh sorry for the late response, tumblr didn't let me know you sent an ask 🙄😅

ahh those songs are great! and yes, I feel like especially Villain is a grower song ☺️

yesss, I also love Maisie's writing style because it's funny while being sad if that makes sense? I recently turned 21, but before that I related to "I an 20 and probably upset right now" soo much! but also "scared of everything but I'm making it punk" ohh and "you don't want me at all but you don't want me to fall for anyone"! what abt u?? ☺️

My favorite album of this year besides YSUFT has got to be Take the Sadness out of Saturday Night by Bleachers! I listened to these songs so much!! and ofc SOUR! what are your favorite albums of this year? ☺️

#asks

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miyagiri · 4 years

Text

ATSUMU'S LONG DISTANCE GIRLFRIEND HEADCANONS!

𝒂/𝒏: this is kinda long tho,, and i have LOADS of ideas on inarizaki and the twins so ;) part two is when you finally became their manager, and their impressions on you, aka atsumu’s new girlfriend!

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄. || 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐎 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍 𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑

➼ okay okay,, here me out. you and atsumu had been in a long distance relationship for awhile now and its still going on sTRONGG

➼ yall met at a café when you visited hyogō to have a break your home which was in tokyo

➼ and you were kinda shocked that a very handsome blonde came up to you stuttering and flustered

“hey.. uh, i’m miya atsumu. if ya don’t mind, can i get to.. know you?” he rubbed his nape as he looked down on your sitting figure.

he cleared his throat when he saw your surprised face, and looked away, faintly blushing. “y-ya seem lonely with yer coffee and i can’t let a woman unattended!”

➼ you were sceptical at first,,

➼ but because he was a fine ass man you decided to let it slide and just give him your number ;)

➼ JUST ADMIT IT YALL WOULD BOW DOWN TO HIS FEET SO NO PLAYING HARD TO GET HERE GIRLIES

➼ you two started talking after the encounter and clicked almost immediately

➼ mostly your conversations were about experiences, expectations and volleyball

➼ you loved the way his eyes glimmers when he's excited about something

➼ because you had about a week there, he was constantly bringing you out on dates and slipping in flirts here and there

➼ SO. MANY. PET NAMES.

➼ sweets, babygirl, baby, babes, babe, honey, love, and the list just goes ON

➼ not that you mind because you were exchanging it too KDHAKJSKA

➼ you always call him atsu

➼ he liked the nickname

➼ he told you A LOT about his teammates, which made you intrigued because duh,, they ARE the top 2 strongest in the country ;)

➼ you adored his passion for volleyball, unlike his past girlfriends,,

➼ and when he told you that, you were so proud of yourself but kinda embarrassed that he pointed it out

➼ why? because you thought it wasn’t THAT obvious and now it’s really obvious that you were staring at him DREAMILY LIKE HE’S A DISNEY PRINCE

➼ maybe because he is

➼ n e ways,, your favourite date with him was the time he took you to the park at night with a cute maroon blanket to stargaze

he groaned. “suna was a prick yesterday. the dude was dissin’ me with ‘samu the whole damn practice!”

you chuckled and shifted your body so you could face him, “just what the hell did you do again, atsu?”

he laid beside you on the blanket and stretched like a cat. “well, i may or may not ate his chuupet at lunch-”

“you know what? you deserve that.” you deadpanned and rolled away from him.

“HEY! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE HERE, SWEETS!”

➼ after he was done talking about his team, you talked about kuroo and kenma, which was your closest friends at nekoma

➼ he was alright at first but then, until you started talking about the oh so great and handsome one, KUROO TETSUROU.

➼ you even showed him your gallery of kuroo’s meme faces that he recreated

➼ its canon LDJAKSNKAJA

➼ BOY BECAME POUTY IN AN INSTANT. HE WAS CROSSING HIS ARMS AND PUFFING HIS CHEEKS, TURNING AWAY FROM YOU

you laughed hysterically. “and that was when tetsu knocked the whole lamp post down! you should have seen his face!”

“and then-” you took a breather and held your stomach, trying to regain composure, but giving in to laugh again.

atsumu squints his brown orbs, trying not to show that he was obviously jealous on how kuroo was making you laugh until you had literal tears coming out your eyes.

“tell me more then, vixen~”

you took a deep breath and stared at him, face now red, “you’re jealous, aren’t you?”

he widened his eyes and shook his head vigorously. “N-NO I’M NOT!”

“yes you are.” you narrowed your eyes.

“am not!”

“am too!”

“am not!”

➼ and that was when you liked to see him having a tiny jealous breakdown~

➼ when your week in hyogō was finally over, he was SULKING the whole damn time

“doll.. do you have to go?? just stay here with me or somethin’!”

you sighed and gently stroke his hair, a gesture you tend to do on hime because he absolutely LOVED it.

“atsu.. i have school tomorrow and you do too. now, get off me, man-child!”

➼ you had to pry him off your arm to get into the train LMAOO

➼ after that, yall facetime each other every day and became cLOOOSER

➼ HE DIDN’T WANT HIS TEAMMATES TO KNOW BECAUSE HE WANTS YOU!! ALL BY HIMSELF!! GREEDY BASTARD

➼ his teammates was kinda suspicious because atsumu didn’t flirt with his fangirls anymore,,

➼ and even left his side chicks hanging

➼ osamu was kinda suspecting something though. TWIN INSTINCTS

➼ BACK TO ATSUMU!!

➼ after two months of talking, he confessed through face time and he was legit stuttering like the first time yall met

➼ which is ADORABLEEEE

“hey um.. angel, can i ask ya somethin’? it’s kinda urgent..” he gulped and glanced down on his macbook.

you started getting worried. why was he quiet all of the sudden? it was unusual for THE miya atsumu to be this silent.

“atsumu? you okay there?”

he looked up towards the laptop with the same look of determination when he’s on court, catching you off guard. “PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME!”

you widened your eyes and paused for a solid 10 seconds, before smirking slightly. an idea came across your mind.

“i thought we were already going out?”

➼ and then after a month or so, THE FATE IS ON YOUR SIDE, your parents decided to move to hyogō because tokyo was too hectic!!

➼ which was really sudden

➼ you were happy you would get to see your boyfriend more often, but you were also depressed over the fact that you’ll be far from your crazy ass best friends in nekoma high

➼ kuroo and kenma was sad as fuck

➼ but yall promise to face time each other every night to talk about your days ;(

the bedhead grinned and ruffled your hair as you all sat on the bench of the playground of your neighbourhood. “come on now kitten! don’t be like that. we can always see each other at nationals, right?”

“b-but you’re a third year, tetsu..”

“no, kuroo’s right. we’re second years. he’s just a year older than us, doesn’t mean you and him would be gone forever, (f/n).”

kenma shook his head and patted your shoulder with a small smile. he had always had a soft spot for you, to the point that he’ll only let YOU touch his games.

you sighed and smiled at them with your brightest smile, them giving you the same gesture. “alright. you guys better update me on every stupid shit lev does.”

➼ CARRYING ON!! ITS STARTING TO GET SAD WITH THE NEKOMA DUO

➼ ANYWAYS, atsumu was ECSTATIC when he heard you were transferring to his school rather than your former one, nekoma high.

“babe guess what?!”

he raised an eyebrow and smiled at his phone. “did yah choked on onigiris again because kuroo was competin’ with ya, babydoll?”

“WHAT? NO! I’M TRANSFERRING TO YOUR SCHOOL NEXT WEEK!”

“good for y- WAIT, STOP THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ MUSIC.”

➼ HE WAS SO EXCITED THAT HE CAME EARLY TO SCHOOL THE VERY NEXT DAY AND HAD THE CUTEST SMILE ON HIS FACE

➼ thats so cute wtf

➼ osamu had a very obvious shocked expression on his stoic face for once

➼ it became suspicious to the team, because atsumu had always been moody in the mornings, ESPECIALLY on weekdays

“what the fuck is that crackhead doing in the middle of the morning?” suna grumbled after yawning beside kita.

kita eyed him for his profanities. “he’s awfully jolly on today’s morning. i wonder what’s in his mind..?” the white-haired captain trailed off, slightly tilting his head.

“I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD!~”

atsumu was now skipping and gliding around the gym, with a broom in his hands, spouting random disney songs.

“SHINING, SHIMMERING, SPLENDID!”

the middle blocker made a face as kita tried registering atsumu’s actions. he stared at him before saying, “wow, you really do act like a robot, kita-san,”

“TELL ME, PRINCESS, NOW WHEN DID YOU LAST LET YOUR HEART DECIDE?”

“let’s just let him be.” aran shook his head with a small smile.

osamu suddenly came up to him and yanked the broom out of his twin’s hands, making atsumu whine out. “HEY! THE HELL WAS THAT FOR SAMU?!”

the grey-haired twin squinted his eyes and pointed at him with the broom.

“you sang the lyrics wrong, yOU UNCULTURED SWINE-”

➼ OOPS CUT THE CAMERAS DEADASS

➼ the inarizaki team didn’t really give a fuck at first, and assumed he probably ate his favourite fatty tuna early in the morning

➼ and finally not getting a stomach ache as an aftermath

➼ that would be a dream for atsumu

➼ buT tHEN, osamu smh damn you beautiful snitch said something about his blonde twin going out a week straight and was literally NEVER at home.

➼ they started to question what in the world was their setter doing

➼ the team even purposely invited the most prettiest girl in their school to their practice on thursday evening, just to see

➼ the girl was interested but atsumu wasn’t

➼ HE HAD A STRONG URGE TO YELL “I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!” TO HER FACE

➼ the girl literally CANNOT stop pestering him and its getting quite annoying jdhajsja

“come on, tsumu baby~” she teased, while atsumu furrowed his eyebrows, serving the ball right next to her face.

it landed on the floor, the girl had a shocked expression on her face. the team stared at them, blinking twice.

atsumu stood up straight and glared at her, pointing at her with his index finger. “don’t call me that anymore, i don’t like it.”

“what?! but i called you that before-”

he clicked his tongue and walked past her, grabbing the volleyball. “i said what i said. now shut yer filthy mouth.”

➼ THE TEAM WAS SHOOKETH DJAJSJ

➼ WHY WAS ATSUMU LIKE THIS? HE JUST STRAIGHT UP REJECTED HER??

➼ they cleared their throats and resumed their practice as usual, leaving the girl surprised and embarrassed in the bleachers LOOL

➼ every break, he would go on his phone and start smiling and chuckling to himself

➼ whenever the team bring up about girls, he would shake it off with a “nah,”

➼ then the team started placing the puzzles together on their own finally and took their time to ask him the next week

➼ because HE was anticipating your arrival

➼ he talked to his coach personally about you getting the manager spot

➼ which coach kurosu and coach tarou didn’t mind at all

➼ usually they do because most of the people who wanted that spot was always a fan of the twins or the volleyball team

➼ and not someone who actually KNOWS volleyball by heart, apparently it’s you

➼ i learned a lot more in haikyuu than in pe THATS JUST STRAIGHT UP FACTS

➼ but because of atsumu wasn’t the one to choose somebody that isn’t worth the place, they let it slide without a second thought

➼ AND THEN YOUR FIRST DAY STARTED!!

➼ you were abit nervous, i mean who wouldn’t? you had been with kuroo and kenma for 10 years, you had never even thought on changing schools. YET HERE WE ARE

➼ the whole day, your new classmates were hogging you to the point that you literally cannot even SEE where atsumu was

➼ you didn't even know why

➼ but you, being the friendly girl you are, decided to let them do whatever they want

➼ until lunch came by

➼ HOMEBOY LITERALLY SCREAMED OUT YOUR NAME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BIG ASS CAFETERIA AFTER BUMPING INTO HIM

➼ he was about to glare at the person but once he realised its you, his look immediately softened and grinned widely

“watch where you’re goin- SWEETS! i’ve been lookin’ everywhere for ya!”

you sighed in embarrassment as his team and the whole cafeteria glanced at the both of you. you dusted your skirt off.

you took his hovering hand for you to get up from your butt on the floor.

“atsu-”

he was still grinning at you like a lost puppy, which made your heart melt. “yes?” you sighed, he definitely knew it.

“i’m hungry. i’m going to get some food.” you flicked his forehead, making him whine loudly before walking away.

➼ and that was when the team knew about you, and your first impression for them was GOLD.

- ̗̀➛ ͙۪۪̥˚┊❛ miyagiri ❜┊˚ ͙۪۪̥◌

my first hc fic kinda skek 😳😳

#miya atsumu #atsumu #inarizaki #inarizaki high #atsumu hc #atsumu headcannons #tsumu #haikyuu x reader #atsumu x reader

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daggerzine · 3 years

Text

Celebrity Mixtape Party #1 with Steve Michener (Volcano Suns, Dumptruck, Big Dipper) Part 1

Steve (far left with Big Dipper)

Mixtapes. They're back! Or maybe they never went away? What happens when you make a mixtape for someone who MAKES music? And then they talk about that mixtape? Well, dear reader, let's find out in..

Okay! First song. Side A. So I'll give my impressions and then we can talk about the song. Okay? Then the reveal, when appropriate.

Sexy

Thanks for this tape, Matthew, I've really been enjoying it. However, I gotta say the first song is my least favorite.

What is it pray tell

I don't know but I usually love that style of song. Very Love/Byrds-y but there was something cloying about that hook of 'Let's Get Together'

Oh yes. Justin Trouble.

Can't tell if it's authentic 60's pop or revival

Early '80s. He was friends with Johnny Thunders.New York City area guy

Never heard of him but I'm not inspired to search him up. Too many words.

Aw man he's just riffing

Anything you wanna say in his defense?

I mean I could. I think that song and the whole record is genius. To me it's the very essence of rock and roll.

Okay, maybe that's just one song that I wouldn't like. I'll check it out. I know you love your 60s stuff but to me it's just too twee. But if you were using this as a "courtship tape", the relationship is over.

Since we can't "get together" on that song?

Courtship tape. I think they were called love mixes back in the day my friend.

I'm older than you. We used to bring them and play them in the parlor. So this second song is right up my Alley. Great guitar sound, great drummer. I love that it's poppy but it takes a minor key/dissonant turn when he sings the tagline 'Solid Gold'. Kind of a Fall vibe to that hook.

So what is that second song?

Boston band....Real Kids...1974 demo...EARLY REAL KIDS

I knew you'd get a Real Kids song on there but that is very 'Unreal' real kids. Sounds like they were way ahead of their time

Yeah. That song is unhinged. Nothing twee about it.

Amazing band. I would have maybe guessed that but that chorus is so left field. If I knew about that song back then, I would have had the band cover it. Real Kids sounding like the Fall. They should have been as big as the Ramones. Worse drug and ego problems I guess.

To me it sounds like The Dolls. A little bit of Glam in there.

I saw them a few times at the Rat. Always a reliable live band. I hear the 60's thing in there but that turnaround into the chorus is at least 5 years ahead of its time. I need to hear more of those demos.

It's on vinyl.

Next song- One thing that I know about you is that you love your 60s stuff. This sounds like an authentic acid rock band. Roky?

I don't have the tracklist

Ah, okay. It's by Girl Trouble-"Storm Warning'. Don't know them but I love the song.

The pride of Bellingham

Kind of like the Seeds meet Nick Cave. What year?

1993 on Empty

Love the sax and guitar interplay at the end. Wow. I would have placed that in 1965

Yeah except for the production. I think he's one of the Great rock and roll vocalists of the '90s

Yeah, great singer. Are they still around or mutate into something else?

Kurt Kendall. No, I don't think they really play around much anymore. There was a reunion show not too long ago but I missed it.

Great stuff, I'll check it out. Next song? Okay, this one I knew from the first note--the great NRBQ. The greatest rock and roll band ever, at least in this incarnation.

Green Lights?

Yes.

I saw them around this time with the WW Horns, opening for Thorogood.

Another great vocalist

I didn't appreciate them back then cuz I was too into the alternative scene (tho still loved GT) but when I saw them in the 80's I was amazed.

This is a band that should have played the bar band in every '80s movie ever made

Exactly. they were my template for 'a band'

That's Joey singing that one? favorite bass player ever, favorite drummer ever.

I'm not entirely sure what that guitar is in the solo. Sounds almost like a pedal steel or something.

Big Al could make anything sound like anything. Genius band. Shoulda been huge.

The YouTube comments say Joey.

Yeah, Joey wrote the hits. Like most bass players.

Lol. The album is called nrbq at Yankee stadium and it's funny because the picture shows an empty Yankee stadium with them far away in the bleachers...a play on words...clever

I see.

I'll explain humor to you another time.

Make me a 'humor' mixtape

Okay next song

The 5th song on side A is called Buried Alive. A 3 chord slab of brilliance. Sounds like another Boston Band. More Real Kids?

Hmmm

Should I peek?

It could be Avenged Sevenfold. Yes peek.

Oh no, it's the Nervous Eaters! Born to Die. I thought he was singing Buried Alive.

Ahhh!!

I knew it was Boston, can't believe I missed the Eaters. Loved that band.

Another Boston band you didn't ID! You are 0 for 2

I wrote down it was "the Lyres without keyboards" so I get half credit.

Okay so one of the cool things about this band is it had one of the Paley Brothers. Who never did anything this "heavy" outside of this band?

I had their singles and saw them live a few times. They were great. Just Head is a classic.

The major label debut was a bit of a disaster: slick production, terrible cover art. I swore that I'd never let that happen to any band that I was in.

This song for some reason reminds me of Judas Priest.

I thought Saints at first but Priest would work

Next song?

This is one that I will probably miss too. Sounds VERY familiar and my first guess is Rockpile/Brinsley Schwarz. "I'll have another drink and then I tried to crawl out the door.."

"I never did know a thing about it." It's got that Nick Lowe/Dave Edmunds vibe.

Take a peek

Status Quo-Lies

Ah yes

Wow, I don't think of SQ sounding like this. This is pub rock, I thought they were harder

Very boogie

Don't you get the Rockpile thing tho?

Oh absolutely

Great song. I'd cover this. Was it a hit?

That status quo song is from 1980. I think so. They did it on Top of the Pops

Good. I'd be depressed if a song that great didn't get an audience.

Agreed

Next?

Yes

I also don't know this and I'm not sure what the hook is but it sounds like what I imagine the Muffs sound like. Be my baby.? Sneering female vocals, 3 chords, loud guitars.

Fastbacks - Read my Letters

Yeah, another band I completely missed out on. From the PNW?

Seattle

I've seen them quite a few times and they were always amazing. Big fan.

I'm sorry I missed them live. I don't care much for this song but I'll bet it sounded good in a sweaty club.

Did you like the Muffs?

Not really. I mean I respect them a lot but they never resonated with me. I think Kurt Bloch is a great lyricist. And I love that he didn't sing his own lyrics.

Wait, that was a guy singing?

No. The guitar player Kurt wrote the lyrics for most of their songs.

Got it. So he left them to join YFF?

He did both simultaneously. Kim Warnick is the singer and bass player.

Too talented.

Definitely.

I saw the Fellows quite a few times also.

They opened for us in Seattle in 1990. I loved them but, as an east coaster, had never seen them.

Also amazing one of my favorites. During that time that both the Fastbacks and the Young Fresh Fellows were active it made me envy Seattle because Portland didn't have bands like those bands.

This is a different convo, but Seattle is a much more rockin town than Portland.

Full disclosure in the '90s I was not a fan of Portland's music scene. But I did like Hazel.

They were so cute!

Alright, let's not get distracted! Next song I recognized easily , though I may not have a few years ago. This is Sparks - Something For The Girl Who Has Everything. Brilliant band but one that I missed out on until recently

You know I never introduced you at the beginning of all this. Dear readers, I am discussing a mixtape with our esteemed guest Steve Michener from Skid Row.

Skid Row UK, legally. Not to be confused with those dorks from Hollyweird. Michael Cudahy was my roommate back in the day and he was way into them. I could never get past the vocals.Recently though, I have come to appreciate them and now I am a big fan.

I love the vocals. It's its own thing. Who is this Michael you speak of?

Michael was in Christmas at the time and then started Combustible Edison. Now he does movie soundtracks.

Have you ever seen the video of Ron Mael singing karaoke to a Sparks song?

No, I'll google it.

Next song?

Well, I didn't recognize the song itself but it's hard to miss the unique guitar sound of The Wedding Present-The Boy Can Wait

Fastest wrist in the west

Trademark double strum. They're one of those bands that I just love the sound of but never bought any records.

That's a Peel session by the way.

They were around last year but I failed to attend.

I like the lyrics. They're clever. Kind of misanthropic but not in a Morrissey way. More humorous.

I'm not a lyric guy but I do love a good Morrisey couplet

The dude could pen a tune

Stephen I mean

Moz

The Moz

Himself.

He should pull a Prince and just change his name to Himself

Next song is one that you would never get past me, tho I'm 0-2 with Boston bands before this. Heading into a Boston binge here.

Ok. Just another band out of Boston

I was the world's biggest Peter Dayton fan for years. I moved to Boston the week that LaPeste broke up so I never got to see them. So I made up for that by seeing every PD gig for years. 'She's a Girl' by LaPeste, probably one of the best bands out of Boston ever.

I like how evil La Peste sound. They sound like they carried shivs.

It means "the pest"

Perfect

"la" is "the" in french

Waow

I don't know if you knew that. Anyway, this must have been an Ocasek demo? Sounds like they were trying to go pop. I had a live tape of them from the rock and roll rumble in 1979 that I wore out. Just a great pop punk band. Next song is also LaPeste- Die in My Sleep.Ric got involved with them later in their career and produced some demos. Or maybe it was Greg Hawkes. But Ocasek worked with him solo for a few years. Dayton's EP, which came out the same time as Panorama by the Cars. It's a fun record.Better off Dead is an amazing single.

I'll check out solo Dayton.

Jim Janota on bass. I think he was in some of those early boston punk bands

But Ric was the producer guy then . Alan Vega etc

Yeah, Ocasek was cool. He had Dayton's band open for The Cars at the Boston Garden. Big supporter of smaller bands.

Next two songs had me stumped. I just wrote 'Sex Pistols'.

I would never put a sex pistols song on anything ever. But I do love a lot of things that Cook and Jones were on later

This just has a Pistols energy and sneer. Hey Hey! Hey Hey!

Hmm

3 chords, English. Fall-like but harder.

Not ringing any bells

Ha! I looked at the list--Naked Raygun-Roller Queen.

Yes

"trying" to be british

Nooo

I tuned this band out early. Not my cup of tea.

I love the Raygun. Midwest thing

Just like Soul Asylum. I was (and remain) a judgemental asshole when it comes to music.

Hard. Arty. Humorous.

I lump them together. Prejudice. But this is why I like the idea of listening to the tape blind.

Throb Throb is fantastic

It can blow up my preconceived notions or reinforce them. I know they were hugely popular in the scene and it's probably my loss that I didn't explore their stuff. I was probably reacting negatively to the Big Black thing. Lots of competition and jealousy-fuelled listening bias.

Eh no biggy. I never really liked Big Black. To me they were great in theory but not in practice.

I prefer Shellac

Great band

But i think BD covered 'Bazooka Joe'. Not my idea.

There was another Chicago band from that time that I like a lot called Breaking Circus.

Yes, I liked Breaking Circus. We played with them.

Yay

Next song. 60s sounding psychedelia

Didn't recognize it, but liked it. reverby guitar,

Hmm

La Luz- I Want to Be Alone. Cool sound. What's their story?

Ah. Seattle. Then moved to LA. 4 women. On Hardly Art (label). Started in 2012. They have three lps. Saw them at The Aladdin.

Short but sweet. I'll check them out.

Very very good band

I like good bands

No bad songs. They were VERY GOOD live. Jealous of the drummer's speed and dexterity. They play with a lot of feeling.

If we ever get to see live music again, I'll check them out.

You need to.

Next song is a classic Boston number called 'No Place Like Home' by The Neighborhoods. Such a great power pop song. B-side to Prettiest Girl, which was probably the biggest indie single of the time in Boston. That and Academy Fight Song. Both on Ace of Hearts records

Oh really? Nice that I got airplay in Boston. I mean it. I didn't get any airplay in Boston

Yes, it was huge! (sorry about your lack of airplay) top song on WBCN, the local rock station. They should have been huge-they had it all. Cute guys, great songs, amazing live show. I woulda bet on them

Despite looking like a reggae album I've read good reviews with their first LP. The thing with a lot of these bands is they're from a time when there were regional scenes period and if they didn't make the jump to Major label then a lot of what they were about might have been lost on people outside of their scene

Honestly, I don't remember that LP at all. Maybe I had dropped them and moved onto hipper stuff. They were kind of a high school crush for me. They got progressively more hard rock as time went on. Yes, probably a common theme with local bands. Some focused on getting a 'deal' and making it big. Thank god for labels like Homestead, who gave smaller bands a chance to make mistakes and grow

If you had any anecdotes about any of these guys share away.

Anecdotes? I do

'dote away

Dave and Lee worked at Harrington's Liquor, the biggest booze shop in Allston and were always in there when I went to buy cheap vodka. Then, one day, they were fired. Word was that they tried to lift some expensive champagne from the shop to celebrate a record release party or something. They were both dating members of Salem 66 at the time and Dave married Judy. They were very nice guys.

Lee?

Lee Harrington, Beth's brother was their bassist in the late 80's. Beth Harrington was in Jonathan's band.

That's a good anecdote.

Jonathan?

Richman

Oh I thought I recognized her voice from Jonathan Richmond records. She was a backup singer. She had kind of a classically trained sounding voice

Yes, her and Ellie Marshall. Beth married my old roommate, whose girlfriend when I knew him, left him for Steve Forbert.

Ellie Marshall was related to who?

Something related to Paley Bros. It'll come to me. Barry Marshall.

The next song is the Office Supply song. Swivel Chair. I don't recognize the song but it's gotta be something like Fountains of Wayne or Weezer.

Nothing Painted Blue

Oops. Hope they aren't insulted! I kinda knew of NPB but obviously didn't get into their stuff. Sounds like a certain pop band from Boston in the late 80s. Where were they from?

Franklin Bruno. Great songwriter in my opinion. Great band. LA

Oh, I know Franklin. Of course. I confuse them with that band from Boise

Franklin bears a slight passing resemblance to Bill? Cool that you know Franklin.

Well, on FB at least. Very nice guy. He's probably gonna unfriend me if he reads this.

I can edit it out. Celebrity mixtapes is about bringing people together, not about fighting.

No, it's fine. It's part of the process. I'll take my lumps.

I just thought it was a little bit of a novelty song.

I just think it's adorably nebbishy

Not that we didn't veer close to that sometimes. It's a risk when you are trying to write songs that have humor in them.

Singing about office supplies. One of my favorite things about Big Dipper is you guys never crossed over into parody even though you were slyly funny.

Yeah, it def sounds like something I would write. I was an office supply nerd.

Maybe I sensed that. Dilbert Rock

Thanks. It's a fine line between clever and stupid, as the Tap says. Anyway, super catchy but maybe a little too clever for me.

NEXT!

Next song has to be Scrawl. Apple of his Eye.

Nope

Very Gang of Four with female vocals.

I did like Scrawl back in the day though. Bratmobile-Queenie.

Ah, well they should write a check to Sue and Marcy. Sounds like early Scrawl. Catchy song but a little derivative to my ears.

Yeah Scrawl predates the Bratmobile.By a few years.

You could steal from worse.

True

Scrawl were an amazing band.

Pride of Columbus

Really had the goods live and on record.

Never saw them live unfortunately.I always thought they were on Homestead but it turns out no.

You had your Homestead goggles on.

"I like everything that comes out on Homestead..."

Well that was me back then too

Last song on side A. Permanent Wave. No idea who it is, a short, catchy, new wave song. Mo-dettes?

I do like the Mo-Dettes but no.

Oh Ok. From Athens

Ah! i had their single, was this on it?

Michael Stipe's sister

Sister of Stipe

Matthew Sweet was in the band for a minute too, later on.

I bought it, I think, cuz I thought I could resell it when rem got famous. Retirement investment

I think the single and the lp are both amazing

Kind of twee, to revisit a theme

The lp is not as twee

That song sounds a little thin

I like the production. it sounds live.

I see that. Okay, I've gotta run. This was fun.

Ok. Thanks for doing it.

https://www.mixcloud.com/matthewkenneth9/steve-michener-mix-pt-1/?fbclid=IwAR2hhMS8KXo51QjlpJ__ANfdmKY3Ux7vRyIqHHOxGfY_UK4H6tz6vIXyaxE

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aaronmaurer · 3 years

Text

Music I Liked in 2020

Every year I reflect on the pop culture I enjoyed and put it in some sort of order.

I can’t say I discovered a lot of new artists in 2020, but I did find a lot of solace in new records by familiar voices. During days of intense isolation and lonesomeness, music provided support, hope and the occasional semblance of peace. I’m especially grateful for the musicians who found new ways to perform live from their home studios, once the entire touring industry completely shut down. I’m sure we all found our own rabbit holes, but live-streamed sets from the likes of Ben Gibbard, Jimmy Eat World’s Jim Atkins, Better Than Ezra’s Kevin Griffin, Geographer’s Michael Deni and Ben Folds kept me sane during April, May and beyond. As did all of these albums, which I highly recommend.

15. Serpentine Prison – Matt Berninger

The National frontman’s first solo record is a slow-burn that may not reach the heights of his work with his main group (or sideproject El Vy), but still has signature moments of poetic beauty. The title track is a clear standout (and when it gets stuck in your head, you can have fun brainstorming your own alternate non-sequitur couplets; examples: “Tripping on Molly / Salvador Dalí”, “Praying to Jesus / Ramona and Beezus” / “Sell it on Etsy / Heavens to betsy” / “Patio tables / Anne of Green Gables” It’s fun! Try it out!)

14. Local Honey – Brian Fallon

Speaking of Matt Berninger (and solo projects from alt-rock frontmen), I hear a lot of his influence on the latest from Gasoline Anthem’s Brian Fallon. This largely stripped-down affair has quiet splendor to spare and provided a balm in the early days of the pandemic.

13. Gigaton – Pearl Jam

Pearl Jam’s latest record finds the band operating in a variety of different modes – head-on rockers, balladeers, experimentalists – yet doesn’t quite gel into a whole the way their very best work does. That said, it’s an energetic album with many songs I look forward to hearing live, someday…

12. George Clanton & Nick Hexum – George Clanton & Nick Hexum

A vaporwave collaboration between electronic artist George Clanton and 311’s Nick Hexum? Really? Somehow it works, and its chill vibes were a perfect backdrop for lonely summer malaise this year.

11. Petals For Armor – Hayley Williams

Paramore’s Williams branched out on her first solo record this year, allowing her to operate in a variety of styles without losing her powerful voice. Moments of slinkily seething electronica (“Simmer”) share space with pop smarts (“Dead Horse”), quietly pretty harmonies (“Roses/Lotus/Violet/Iris”) and all points in between.

10. Mordechai and Texas Sun EP (with Leon Bridges) – Khruangbin

Houston psych-rock trio Khruangbin did double duty this year, first releasing a collaborative EP with Leon Bridges then following it up with a new full-length a couple months later. Both records hang in the air like hazy, languid summer heat, in the best possible way.

9. RTJ4 – Run the Jewels

RTJ4 is just as rollicking and propulsive as Killer Mike and El-P’s previous collabs, but with a greater sense of socially conscious urgency and righteous anger, giving it an even rawer power. Tracks like “Walking In The Snow,” “JU$T” and “a few words for the firing squad (radiation)” are just the tip of the iceberg on this incendiary record.

8. American Head – The Flaming Lips

American Head returns the Flaming Lips to the melodic soundscapes of The Soft Bulletin and Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, which is my preferred mode for the band, and thus is my favorite thing they’ve done in at least a decade. The record is a bit more dreamily melancholic than those earlier releases though, creating atmospheres of contemplative beauty.

7. Punisher – Phoebe Bridgers

Coming after collaborations with boygenius and Better Oblivion Community Center, it’s hard to believe this is only Bridgers’ sophomore album. Punisher takes the winning palette of Stranger In The Alps and mixes in more colors and texture. This is an album that rewards repeat listens; tunes that I had initially dismissed have ended up becoming my favorites as they get their hooks into me. The most immediate tracks like “Kyoto” and “ICU” don’t lose any impact over time, but the likes of the quietly devastating “Chinese Satellite” sneak up on you and gradually reveal their layers.

6. Imploding the Mirage – The Killers

I was done with The Killers. My interest always ran hot and cold anyway, but after 2017’s Wonderful Wonderful, no thanks. So imagine my surprise when I gave Imploding the Mirage a shot and found I LOVE it! It may be my favorite of their records yet, at least the most consistent, where they most fully realize the confluence of their Springsteen-tinged Americana fetish and electro-rock sensibilities. Bombastic 80s arena percussion and over-the-top synth flourishes combine in the best possible way. There’s not a dud on the album for me, but I’m especially fond of “My God,” “Lightning Fields” and “Dying Breed.”

5. The Ascension – Sufjan Stevens

The Ascension hits with similar energy to 2010’s polarizing Age of Adz, but with more easily accessible songs. It’s a dark and introspective record about disillusionment with America and oneself, but also highly danceable – if a bit overlong. Standout tracks like “Goodbye to All That” and “Lamentations” provide transcendent moments of soaring beauty like calm in the storm. And the brilliant title track plays like a self-interrogating rejoinder to Adz’s pep talk “Vesuvius” in which, instead of cheering himself on, Stevens probes and calls into question his motivations and beliefs.

4. Song Machine, Season One: Strange Timez – Gorillaz

The latest record from Damon Albarn’s ever-evolving cartoon collective is its most engaging since Plastic Beach, with a spirit of musical exploration that reminds me much of 2001’s self-titled debut as well. The project was introduced as a series of one-off singles, so what really surprises is just how well they cohere into a full record, featuring a plethora of A-List guest artists and Albarn holding down the fort with some of his best songwriting yet.

3. 10 Songs – Travis

Travis are a band that I’ve casually enjoyed (2001’s The Invisible Band is great) but never followed all that closely. I certainly wasn’t expecting much from a latter-day record from them, but 10 Songs is one of the 2020 releases I have returned to most. The songs are the audial equivalent of a warm blanket, with a lovely wistfulness permeating through. Standouts include “The Only Thing,” “A Million Hearts” and “Kissing in the Wind,” but all ten songs are great.

2. Devastator – Phantom Planet

Phantom Planet’s first record in 12 years doesn’t miss a beat, finding a sonic middle ground between their early indie-pop leanings and their later punkier direction. The hooks are plentiful and the lyrics poignant (this is basically a breakup album about the end of frontman Alex Greenwald’s relationship with Brie Larson), with highlights including the up-tempo “Only One” and the elegiac “Time Moves On.” Return of the year.

1. folklore and evermore – Taylor Swift

Top 40 Pop Music is not really my thing and while I’ve certainly appreciated some of Taylor Swift’s work before (Red has jams!), I wouldn’t have called myself a fan. 2020’s pair of surprise release records are a different mode of songwriting for her and right in my wheelhouse, with indie-leaning production courtesy of fun./Bleachers’ Jack Antonoff and The National’s Aaron Dessner. While my impressions of Swift’s past work have been navel-gazy and self-mythologizing (not a problem, but not that interesting to me), folklore and evermore broaden her storytelling to paradoxically become more specific in its universality and/or more universal in its specificity. The moments that are autobiographical (“mad woman,” “invisible string”) have an authenticity and self-assuredness that make them all the more accessible. This is romantically nostalgic poetry with the power to reopen old wounds and maybe also start rehealing them at the same time. While I still give folklore the edge (I love “august,” “exile” and mirrorball,” to name just a few), evermore is steadily growing on me with each listen.

Here’s a playlist songs from each of these records for your sampling pleasure:

Bonus! 2 Unexpected Cover EPs:

Switchfoot – Covers EP and Death Cab For Cutie – Georgia EP

As society grappled with lockdowns and concerts were uniformly cancelled the world over, many artists kept occupied with livestreams from their home studios. Switchfoot’s Jon Foreman and Death Cab’s Ben Gibbard were among those who posted daily songs or shows during the early days and their bands would each end up releasing EPs of cover songs during the year. Switchfoot take on a range of songs from the likes of Vampire Weekend, Frank Ocean and The Verve and Death Cab honor Georgia artists like R.E.M. and Neutral Milk Hotel for a Bandcamp fundraiser for voting rights. Both efforts provide some unexpected reinterpretations that elevate them above the average covers album.

#music

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carlyfrombleachers · 3 years

Text

EMOTION, because a CRJ blog needs to talk about EMOTION.

Some things in life are inevitable. Life, death, consumption of media, crying, interacting with others, and many other things, they are simply inevitabilities. Another inevitability is a Carly Rae Jepsen blog talking about EMOTION. It is something every blog-runner is eventually faced with, because of how impactful this record is for everyone who has listened to it. We will all write our EMOTION thinkpieces someday.

This post will only talk about the standard 12 tracks, Run Away With Me to When I Needed You. I will write about the Deluxe tracks (Black Heart, IDJCHTD, Favorite Colour, NGTHY, Love Again) some other time. Okay? Okay.

Also, I just realized my last two posts had the word “brilliance” on their titles. I do not know why that happened, maybe I’m a fan of the word, maybe they’re both brilliant! I don’t know. But the word “brilliance” is being banned from my titles from now on.

With that being said, let’s begin.

The First Three Tracks

I have talked about how important the first three tracks of an album are in my previous post, about Gone Now, but basically, the first three tracks are how they hook you, how they pull you in, how they make you stream it over and over. And EMOTION’s appetizers of Run Away With Me, EMOTION and I Really Like You are quite the solid ones. Run Away With Me wins every single “which is the best CRJ song” poll, so I really don’t want to talk about it, because I think everyone recognizes this is a good track. Personally, I think it is okay. Please don’t crucify me over this??? Thanks.

EMOTION is also a great track which I feel embodies what EMOTION (the album) is about. Which is why it shares a title with EMOTION (the album again). And this is what EMOTION (the album) is about. Emotion. I know, Queen of Subtlety, everyone please clap.

In all seriousness, EMOTION (the album!!!) is about love and the emotions that drive us. The love part is introduced with Run Away With Me, and the emotions, with EMOTION (the track). Run Away With Me is about unconditional love, about wanting to run away taking only the person you love the most. About forbidden love. About running away from all expectations and pursuing only love. EMOTION (the track again) is about evoking emotions in others, in those who you loved or still love, about wanting them to experience all emotions you two experienced together because you feel wronged by them.

And then we get to I Really Like You. I don’t like I Really Like You. You could say I Really Don’t Like It. And the fact it was the lead single? That’s just a weird choice. Sure, it’s catchy, and Tom Hanks is in the music video, but it’s just… not impactful enough? It’s very lovey-dovey, but that’s all it is. Love. Really Liking someone. There are better songs out there. But well, the first two tracks are so good, I think it hardly matters.

The Second Three Tracks..????

The middle of an album is weird. This is usually where themes are explored and pushed far. Lorde’s Melodrama features The Louvre, single Liability and Hard Feelings, where the themes of love shine through after their introduction through Green Light and Sober. Bleachers’ Gone Now features lead single Don’t Take The Money, along with Everybody Lost Somebody and All My Heroes. EMOTION’s tracks 4 through 6 are Gimmie Love, All That and Boy Problems.

These are weird tracks. The theme of love is very loosely present in all these songs, and the 80’s vibes shine very strongly here (especially in All That), but there is not much connecting all of them. Gimmie Love is about doing it with an ex, who you wish still loved you, All That is about being and doing everything for someone, and always being there for them, and then you have Boy Problems, which is, well, about how Boys Suck. The storyline of the record is confusing at best, much like Dua Lipa’s Future Nostalgia. Future Nostalgia, much like EMOTION, is an album about those cool disco vibes and there is not really a present, recurring theme shared between most of its tracks. The progression on EMOTION is basically, “I love you, let’s run away”, then “I hope you suffer, because I kind of want you back”, followed by “Hey, I like you!” which then becomes “let’s have sex”, and then “I want to always be here for you and do everything for you and everything about you is incredible”... only to be stopped by “hey men are kind of trash aren’t they?”, the progression is all over the place. A record doesn’t need to be composed of only tracks that tell a concise story, of course, and I’ll talk about what this means for EMOTION later on.

The Second Set Of Second Three Tracks

“When you need me / I will never let you fall apart / When you need me / I will be your candle in the dark”

This is for later, don’t worry. :)

Tracks 7 through 9 are also quite the odd bunch, with a bunch of odd tracks with zero correlation between each other.

Making the Most of the Night is about being there for who you love no matter what, much like All That, with a sick beat instead of the more chill vibes. Your Type is a song about jealousy, one that is very welcome on EMOTION because it displays both themes of love and emotions very well. Your Type shines. It ranks very highly on every EMOTION ranking I see because it’s hard-hitting. “I’m not the type of girl for you / And I’m not going to pretend / I’m the type of girl you call more than a friend / And I break all the rules for you / Break my heart and start again / I’m not the type of girl you call more than a friend”? Damn. Let’s Get Lost is kind of meh. Run Away With Me did the whole “running away from everyone” deal a lot better. But I think it sets out to do a thing and it does the thing. Not particularly impressive, but it’s good.

I have seen people go insane because of someone saying their favorite EMOTION song was bad or annoying, so if you have felt personally offended by any of these, send me an ask. End all your asks with “+” so I know you hate me. It’s okay. My self-esteem is quite high nowadays. I also wish to keep track of which of you to watch out for. Unless you send them anonymously, of course. In that case, I hope I know how to evade you. I have seen this happen very frequently with people who like Let’s Get Lost, so that’s why I’m apologizing.

Why didn’t I apologize at the end, though? Well, it’s because the next three are my favorites.

The End: The Last Three Tracks

The last songs of an album are magical. All the themes shine after their exposition in earlier tracks, allowing the record’s message to be complete and meaningful. Of course, not every record needs to do this, but it’s a lot cooler if they do.

L. A. Hallucinations is a nice song about a love story that starts being interrupted because of fame and how impactful it is to one’s life, Warm Blood is this eerie-sounding track about creating this façade and hiding who you are, only to meet someone who makes you give up on everything because you wish to be completely truthful to them, and When I Needed You is the best Carly Rae Jepsen song. No, I am absolutely not biased, shut up.

I think the album’s title, and its theme of emotion, shine on the last tracks. The build-up for the closing track is simply wonderful, and it just ties everything together. The connections that opening and closing tracks (or simply first and second halves) have is a beautiful thing to witness. Let’s take Melodrama as an example, since I’ve been listening to it a lot lately.

Melodrama is divided into two main parts: Green Light through Hard Feelings, tracks 1 through 6; and Loveless through Perfect Places, tracks 6 through 11. The first half of the album is dedicated to Lorde sharing how she feels, how her breakup makes her feel, how harshly she feels everything. How she loved and how she is no longer loved, how she didn’t care about what happened to her as long as she was having fun and how she sees that what she was doing hurts herself. The second half is Lorde accepting that she is not loved by him anymore, that it is not really her fault and that she has to move on, knowing that her ex may or may not realize what he’s done. That’s why we get Sober II, when Sober was present in the first half, and Liability (Reprise), when Liability was also in the first half. The first half was about hurting and feeling awful, while the second part is about how you're not the only awful person out there. In Liability, Lorde believes wholeheartedly that she is a burden to everyone, that she is too much, that she needs to disappear, but in Liability (Reprise), she mocks such an idea, or perhaps even comes into terms with the fact that she is a liability, and then follows it up with “Whatcha gonna do?”, because if she admits such a thing and is not bothered by it, then it doesn’t matter. After reflecting on whether or not she’s a liability, she doesn’t care anymore.

EMOTION's When I Needed You is basically Melodrama's second half crammed into a single track, and oh, does it sound good. This track fixes every single problem I had with EMOTION's inconsistency, its contradictory themes. Because I can just argue that it's foreshadowing. This is the part where I argue that it's foreshadowing.

When I Needed You, And How Great Closing Tracks Are Important

When I Needed You basically turns EMOTION on its head. Everything about this track is straight up perfection. All the emotions that kept hiding from you and refusing to show themselves finally do in what is, in my opinion, the best closing track of any pop record.

It’s just… the way everything sounds, the amazing production, the lyrics, it’s all just… so perfect??? EMOTION (the track), Your Type and Boy Problems kind of don’t fit the theme of the rest of the record, they’re not about how amazing it is to be loved, and instead are about how painful it is (for EMOTION and Your Type) and how love does not matter (Boy Problems). When I Needed You somehow manages to tie all these themes together with stellar lyricism.

“Sometimes I wish that I could change / But not for me, for you / So we could be together forever”

The sheer power of these lyrics, oh wow. Carly is just so tired of things not working out that she wishes to become someone else. She wants to be who she isn’t. All of that, just because she likes someone who doesn't like her for who she is.

“But I know, I know that I won’t change for you / ‘cause where were you for me? / When I needed someone / When I needed someone / When I needed you”

Very few records reach this level of… I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. But not every track can take the premise of “I wish I were someone else, but is it worth it?” and do it like When I Needed You does.

Remember what I said in All That, how I saved those lyrics for later? This is the part I bring them up.

“When you need me / I will never let you fall apart / When you need me / I will be your candle in the dark”

“[...] where were you for me? / When I needed someone [...] / When I needed you”

Carly wishes to be everything for someone in All That, she wishes to do literally anything for her lover, but in When I Needed You, she reveals her lover won’t do a single thing for her. Her lover does not care for her. And it doesn’t matter what she does, it doesn’t matter because she is not who she wants her to be.

I’m a Bleachers blog too, so I’m bringing Strange Desire up. I think Strange Desire, much like EMOTION, suffers from not having a very cohesive theme between all its tracks. Most of them are about love, and then you have I Wanna Get Better, and some more songs about love, but the album is quite… tame? It sets out to do something and it does it, and I like it.

The final track of Strange Desire, “Who I Want You To Love”, is quite the odd one. Whereas most songs in Bleachers’ first record are about wanting to see someone evolve while also struggling with evolving yourself, Who I Want You To Love is not really like that. It’s more like a “I give up” letter.

“I will love who you want me to love / Oh, I will bleed when you want me to bleed / But I don’t wanna know too much of anything / Because it all hurts me”

WIWYTL is simply about giving up. Going so far you don’t care about what happens to you. And it’s a perfect closing track for a record like Strange Desire. It has feeling. It has emotion. It has power, strong themes, a message. It’s beautiful. If you only come here for my CRJ content, I highly recommend you listen to Bleachers. It’s a bit wonky at first, but I’m sure you’ll love it if you give it a try.

Back to CRJ though, When I Needed You is an example of how to do a closing track. The weird, contradictory messages that popped up every now and then? It was self-doubt. Doubt that this relationship could grow. That maybe everything was not so great. She experiences a breakup, then falls in love again, and again, and again, only to realize she was changing too much for the people she loved, she was doing too much, and she doesn’t need to do too much. She needs to be happy and make others happy being herself, instead of changing who she is. And this is the main lesson you should take from this song: if you’re changing who you are just to satisfy someone you love, and you’re not happy with who you’re becoming, stop. It is not worth it.

I think every track has a message that can be taken from it, and the most important ones lie in Run Away With Me and When I Needed You. And I think that’s why so many people LOVE Run Away With Me. Because they love the message. Because of how beautiful the lyrics are, and because of how many people identify with wanting to run away with who they love, because they’re queer, because others would not understand, because being LGBT+ is seen as sinful. Or maybe it’s about sex, and that’s what the sinning implies, but I like my (and many other people’s) interpretation better.

Well, that’s all I have for today! Have a great month and happy holidays. As we approach December, I might start pumping out extra content, potentially talking about other records I love (Melodrama lol) or some other things I feel like you (my beautiful lovely readers) might enjoy! If there’s an album you want me to listen to, feel free to send me recs through the asks function! Goodbye.

#carly rae jepsen #emotion #when i needed you #music #writeup #crj #emotion thinkpiece #can you tell that i enjoy melodrama from this writeup haha?

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