#Because I love her and she’s an integral supportive part of my life
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The Sun That Always Burns | S.JY pt.3
sim jaeyun x afab!reader
warnings: suggestive (smut-ish flashback), angst, lost love, pet names, not many warnings tbf, and not proofread. anything I missed please lmk!
wc: 10.3k+ (honestly, i need to make these shorter)
synopsis: you and jake's high school relationship blossomed into a romance filled with hope and promise. however, as time went on, jake's long-term expectations began to weigh heavily on you, who struggled to meet them. your paths eventually lead you in separate directions, each experiencing different aspects of life and ultimately moving on from your past love. unexpectedly, fate intervened and you both reunite after years apart. the reunion allows you to rediscover your feelings for each other but also forces you to navigate the complexities of your past and present.
part 1 | part 2 | part 4
a/n: hi! I'm giving you this chapter kinda quickly. heavy appearances from my wjsn ults because they are now integral to the story <3 will update the next part during the week
4 years have passed since you left. No contact with your family, sometimes opting to send them a Christmas card with no return address just to let them know you’re alive. You missed them like crazy, more than any words could explain. It had been so long sometimes you wonder if you should go back, even for your mum’s birthday but it would be too awkward. The dramatic teen you left behind is who they knew you as, not the woman you’ve grown up to be.
College changed you dramatically, for the better you like to hope. Your roommate Eunseo quickly became your other half, showing you the ropes of Avanti, Being a year older than you she was accustomed to the college, she picked you up when you needed it the most and she didn’t even have to. You thought she took pity on you at first, just taking you under her wing because you were a crying dismantled mess. But she was simply just the loveliest person in the whole world. You wouldn’t have made it to today without her. She left college last year and got a job close by so you saw her often and you were thankful for her every day.
Throughout your college experience you did the typical; study, party, make questionable life choices at said parties. But one thing you couldn’t do was get into a relationship.
You started hooking up with guys in your second year, just flings and one-night stands. Eunseo supported your habits, “I will always support women's rights and also their wrongs” she used to say every time you pre-gamed and she never asked why you didn’t get into a relationship.
Jaeyun’s name hadn’t left your lips in 1460 days. A choice that you made as soon as you stepped off the bus in Pyeongchang. Jaeyun’s name also hadn't left your mind in 1460 days. Every touch from another felt wrong, every chat up line, every unwarranted dick pic. It wasn’t him so it didn’t matter to you.
You started to enjoy yourself more as time went on, creating a new friend group and new memories. By the final year of college, you were content with your life, finding a degree in film was a fluke but you ended up loving every bit of it, an internship was on the horizon at HYBE Media to shadow a music video producer, your hair routine finally working out. Everything was coming up Y/N. This was the right choice.
Yet you still thought about Jaeyun every day. What was he up to? Did he like living in Busan? Was he with someone else? Granted you don’t like to think about that last one too often or else you get a tightness in your chest. You wanted him to be happy but selfishly you didn’t want to know if that happiness was because of someone else.
“Helloooo, Y/N, are you even listening?” Eunseo’s hand waves across your face as you come back from your zoned-out state, “Tell me what I just said.” She huffs and crosses her legs and arms, sitting back knowingly. Eunseo had invited you to a coffee date in a quaint little shop outside of your university. She originally introduced it to you on your second day here and it became your favourite spot. Laughing, crying, and hungover, you both occupied this little shop as if it were your second home.
You smile guilty and laugh, “You were talking about how much you love me and that we should get married,” you shrug and tilt your head jokingly.
“Weirdly you are close!” Her pointer finger is now in front of your face as she leans forward quickly in a flash.
“I was?” You gave an incredulous look with one eyebrow raised.
“Yes! It has to do with marriage.” Her hands gesture an arch that can only remind you of the one SpongeBob imagination meme and you giggle.
“Please don’t tell me you’re marrying Serim after like 2 dates.” You half joke and half panic, it wouldn’t be unlike her to do something like that and you both know it. Eunseo takes in your expression and slaps the table loudly and laughs. If there was one thing your best friend wasn’t good at it’s being quiet, and you love her so much for it.
“I like him a lot, but no. Actually, it's about my sister. You know she’s getting married?” You nod, sipping your coffee, “Well of course I’m the maid of honor,” she lifts the back of her hands and twinkles them under her chin and you chuckle, “Someone dropped out and there is a spare seat. Yeoreum is a freak and needs it filled for everything ‘to go as planned’”
You had never met any of Eunseo’s family, they lived a few hours away and despite the effort Eunseo made to invite you to every family gathering, even Christmas, you declined not wishing to be a burden. “I want you to come. I checked your schedule and you’re free, I have a dress, I’m driving us up,” she keeps rhyming off every reason you have ever given her to bail on traveling with her, “and you owe me one.”
Furrowing your eyebrows and tilting your head you encourage her to continue, owe her for what? “Well you don’t owe me yet but I heard the best man is single, older than you, and has these gorgeous big eyes. I’ll set you both up.”
“So I owe you for something that hasn’t even happened yet? And you don’t even know if he is interested? Or single?”
“Details, details.” Eunseo’s hand waves dismissively, “Please just come. I want you to meet my family since you don’t have any of your own. Think of my family as yours.”
Eunseo doesn’t know what happened back home. You never told her you didn’t have a family but that you were just estranged from them, never disclosing details, particularly that the reason you don’t go home is your own fault, she didn’t have to know. Eunseo didn’t know anything, not about Jaeyun, nothing at all and yet she didn’t pry into your past. You were so thankful for her.
“Eunseo,” rejection is on the tip of your lips but she’s pouting, her eyes big as she does her best to look cute, and to your dismay it works, “I’d love to come.” The sun suddenly started to shine and burn your skin as its light lay on you through the window.
“Amazing!” clapping her hands rapidly she giggles, “We’re leaving tomorrow.”
Your eyes expand and she stands up not letting you protest at how soon the wedding is. “I thought she wasn’t getting married until Saturday?” You query and check your phone which reads Monday.
Walking out she explains, “Yeah but I need to be there early for final fittings, yadda yadda, boring wedding stuff. So I’m taking you with me. Either that or you drive up yourself.” The glint in her eyes as she turns to you makes your face deadpan.
“Fuck you, you know I can’t drive.” She laughs and grabs your hand.
“And I still don’t understand how you’re 23 and can’t even ride a go-kart without crashing.” Playfully you hit her arm and laughed, a memory of you and her go-karting painted your brain. After that, you never got behind another wheel.
___________
You arrive at Eunseo’s parents' house and your jaw slacks open. It’s bigger than any house you’ve ever seen. Your best friend joked a lot about being rich but you didn’t know she was rich rich. There are stairs leading to a giant white door that compliments the ash-coloured stones that surround it. Moss is growing up on each side of the home with intentionally placed pink flowers decorating throughout. Those rich bitch houses are so ugly, I want as small a house as possible so I’m always close to you no matter what room I’m in. His voice plays in your head but you shake him out.
Her parents are graciously letting you and her stay in the spare bedrooms, you don’t dare ask how many rooms are actually in this castle. Something about the air feels strangely familiar. You shrug it off and head inside with your blue suitcase and steamed dress. You curse rich people for having so many stairs.
“My baby!” Eunseo’s dad shouts from the door, “How is my sweet angel?” He greets her at the top of the stairs and hugs her tightly. You miss your dad a lot. His comforting words, his piggyback rides, his weird cinnamon body wash that made you despise the spice, you missed it all. “This must be Y/N! It only took 4 years to meet you.” His chest lets out a deep laugh as he hugs you just as tightly as his own daughter. A smile plasters on your face as you hug him with one arm, the other outstretched to protect the dress.
“Thank you for having me. It’s an honour to be part of your daughter’s big day.” Eunseo’s dad’s eyes turn to crescent moons as he smiles and steps aside to usher you into the big house.
“The party is in a few hours. The happy couple aren’t here, running last-minute chores but you’ll meet them tonight.” He turns to you and points up the stairs, “Eunseo will show you where to get changed. If you need anything, me and the wife will be hovering around.” You side-eye Eunseo quickly and she smiles widely. She didn’t tell you about a party.
Bowing slightly you thank him and follow Eunseo who is squealing, shouting about how excited she is for you to meet everyone. Sometimes you wonder if she is the relationship you’ve been seeking after Jaeyun, platonic or not, you love her all the same.
A few hours later you hear bustling from the crowd gathered down the stairs, the party in full swing as Eunseo finishes curling a wispy strand of your hair. Glancing up at her you notice how beautiful she truly is; her bangs falling effortlessly to frame her face, her lips plump and naturally pouty, she was flawless.
“If you keep staring I’ll literally take you on the bed.” She smiles and you laugh. Pouting her lips near your face she pretends to kiss you and you play into it. Life is so easy with her. “Go get changed, I need to see my masterpiece completed.” Walking away she picks up the dress and thrusts it into your chest, “You’re gonna look amazing. That babe of a best man is gonna fall at your feet. Now go.” she shoos you into the ensuite bathroom.
Staring in the mirror you analyse her work on your face and hair. Never in your life have you ever looked so beautiful and you can’t help but stare. You shed your old life behind you yet this is the first time you really felt like you were reborn. The immature you left behind, the 23-year-old staring in the mirror coming up from the ashes.
Unzipping the garment bag you see the dress Eunseo picked for you and you gasp. Its a silky deep red dress. Far too sexy for something like this.
“Um, Eunseo? This dress is…” You hold it against you and observe what it would look like on you. Hot. That’s exactly how it would look and considering this was the first time meeting a whole family of someone dear to you, you’d rather be more covered up than this.
“Shut up it’s hot. My cousins will be wearing something way sluttier so it’s all good.” Her nonchalant tone doesn’t ease you but it’s either this or the dress she got you for the actual wedding.
As you adorn the dress you notice how it fits you perfectly and hugs you in at the waist flatteringly. It’s been months since you’ve put something on this beautiful. Your cleavage is out just enough, the material stops at your mid-thighs, and you feel like a beauty queen. As you take yourself in your hand goes up to your necklace. That necklace. The gold of the sun complimented the dress perfectly. You never did bring yourself to take it off.
Opening the door you see Eunseo changed into a pastel blue dress, covering her arms and neck but cut out to leave her chest exposed just enough, a slit runs up her thigh. Your jaw is on the floor as she walks over and eyes you up and down. “Look at you! A literal goddess.” she smiles as she takes your hands. “You ready to upstage my sister at her own engagement party?”
“Eunseo…you did not pick these outfits to stand out on purpose did you?” Suddenly your heart is beating quickly and the urge to change is more than ever.
“Of course not! We’re just hotter than anyone here, including her.” She laughs and hands you the pair of gold heels you eyed up as she unpacked her bags earlier. They were exactly your style. “Take these and put them on. Literally take them off whenever but for the grand entrance you need to be complete” She used her right hand to motion over your body.
Putting the shoes on you grew about 4 inches taller and were on Eunseo’s eye level now. “Ready to rock this bitch?” You nod and she grabs your arm, dragging you down the stairs.
There are eyes on you everywhere and you can’t lie, it is a little uncomfortable considering the age range of the men staring are in their late 50s. It's a party like you’ve only seen in movies; waiters walk around with Hors D’oeurves and flutes of expensive champagne. You start to wonder how much all this cost and if you could convince someone at this party to pay off your student loan.
“Hey Eunseo?” You grab her attention as she hands you a glass of bubbly happily, “I just realised I don’t know Yeoreum’s fiance’s name.”
“Oh,” She laughs loudly and slaps your arm, “It’s Jaeyun.” Your heart stops for a moment, there are lots of Jaeyun’s in Korea. Jaeyun from TO1 could walk through that door for all you knew. “Jake is what he goes by though.” Your heart drops rapidly. There might be a lot of Jaeyuns but none that also go by Jake. Part of you wishes it was the biggest coincidence in the world but as voices fill the archway into the living room where you and your best friend reside you see Yeoreum, more beautiful than any picture Eunseo showed you could capture, and Jaeyun. Your Jaeyun.
Static is all you hear as you watch him greet guests and thank them for coming, and each footstep closer to you has your mouth going moist, ready to vomit. He hasn’t noticed you and if you had control of your body you would be bolting out the door instantly, but your mind has glued your feet to the floor. You take him, his face more defined than his previous squishy state, he’s wearing a fitted black suit blazer with no shirt underneath and matching wide-leg black trousers, and his hair is slicked back with stray pieces falling around his face. He looks expensive. He looks like the home you once knew.
You see Eunseo talking to you but as your eyes meet his, that static you once heard turns into rapid heartbeats. Your body is flushing with heat as you notice how his eyes widen for a second, his body turns to you instinctively.
“Eunseo!” Yeoreum squeals and shuffles quickly to give her sister an all-consuming hug, just like you want to do to Jaeyun right now. “Jakey come here” she beacons her fiance towards the both of you and without blinking or taking his eyes off you he walks cautiously forward. “You must be Y/N? Eunseo talks about you all the time.”
She’s lovely. Gorgeous, clearly kind, she’s perfect just like her sister and it makes you want to cry. She’s perfect for him.
Plastering a smile on your face you fake glee as you hug her lightly, stealing another glance at Jaeyun while she can’t see you. He might have gotten older but those eyes still looked the same. “It’s so nice to finally meet you,” you pull away and step back, sole focus on his bride, “Congratulations.” It's bitter and you say it quickly.
“Aw thank you!” She beams and you feel like being sick again.
“Excuse me, I’m going to go to the restroom, I’ll be right back.” You excuse yourself and rush past the couple and Eunseo leaving a gust of air behind you. Clutching your chest you run upstairs for an escape. Out of all the best friend’s sister’s fiances, how was he the one you were faced with? Pushing the guest room door open you scuttle in and take a few deep breaths reliving the moments just before.
“Y/N?” The Australian accent hits you hard as you turn around and meet his eyes. It takes only seconds before his hands have cupped your face and his body dangerously presses against yours, so close you can feel his heart, a heart that used to beat only for you.
“Baby,” he pauses as his eyes search your face trying to convince himself that you aren’t a dream, “where did you go?” Jaeyun desperately whines, his voice cracking in sadness as his forehead touches yours. There is love laced within the melancholic question. Instinctively your hands grab his wrists as you close your eyes. “Princess, please talk to me. '' He's pleading, begging for any explanation. Jaeyun’s hands go from your cheeks and trace down your shoulders, his eyes scanning every inch of your face in desperation. He doesn’t believe you’re real and in front of him, your face is more mature yet still the same girl he loves even after all these years. 4 years he’s waited for you to come back to him.
Your silence and shallow breathing urge him to ask more questions, his thumbs stroking the area between the base of your neck and collarbone. “What happened?”
“You’re engaged.” The first words out of your mouth take him aback. His mouth stays open, his hands leaving your body leaving you cold, and shivering. “She seems nice-”
“Don’t do that,” His bottom jaw slowly clenching as he speaks, “Please don’t act fine like this. Don’t make it seem like I’m the only one that’s hurting for us right now.” You sob without tears as you see him vulnerable and eyes beseeching. Jaeyun’s hands point to you before coming together in a praying motion, “I looked for you everywhere. I spent months trying to find you.” Deep down you knew he would have looked for you, but not for months, maybe for a couple of weeks before he left for Busan, but never months, “What did I do?”
Without a beat, you respond, “Nothing. You could never do anything.”
“You don’t just abandon people you love, Y/N. Not us. There had to be something I did to make you fall out of lov-”
“Jake!” You hear a familiar voice shout and your head falls down to stare at your shoes.
“Baby please,” Jaeyun wants to hold you, kiss you, understand what happened but he can’t. Not right now.
“You should go, I’ll leave in the morning-”
“Don’t leave me again, baby, please.” His voice is quiet, despair etched within his tone. His eyes fall on your necklace, the necklace that he gifted you. His eyes trail down to properly take you in and if he wasn’t astounded before by your mere presence he was now, “You look so beautiful, just like always.”
“Jake your dad is gonna make a speech-” Heeseung's voice bellows throughout the room and yet you and Jaeyun don’t take your eyes off each other. As Heeseung walks in he freezes at the sight of you. Over the years Heeseung silently forgave you, seeing his best friend move on with Yeoreum brought him some solace when he thought about what you did to Jaeyun, but now the anger that was dissipated through time is bubbling up again, “Y/N? What the fuck are you doing here?” His tone is surprised more than angry, but you can tell he’s fuming.
You don’t dare look at him.
“You should get back to your engagement party." Nothing but a whisper as it comes out. You’ve lost him as quickly as you got him back. You did this, and now you need to deal with the consequences. Brushing past him and Heeseung you make your way back to Eunseo ignoring his hand that grazed your wrist in an attempt to stop you.
His family was here, his friends, people from your past that you wanted to forget. The pressure was starting to become too much as you rushed down the stairs before colliding with someone, “I’m sorry.” You bow quickly.
“Y/N?” Mr. Sim’s voice quips in astonishment, “What are you doing here?” His head comes down so his eyes are level with yours, “What-” He has no words, looking at the girl he thought was going to marry his son.
“Mr. Sim, It’s nice to see you again” You bow but still avoid eye contact. “I’m sure you’re proud of Jaeyun.”
“Darling, we thought something awful happened to you.” The sincerity in his voice made you look up at him, heartache carved in your features “Your mum and dad haven’t stopped worrying about you.” A hand is placed on your shoulder and as you look down you see Eunseo.
“Girl there you are! You took one long bathroom break.” She laughs and bows to Mr. Sim, “Ready for your speech, Sir?” Mr. Sim looks at you inquisitively before returning Eunseo’s bow.
“I’ve been preparing this speech for years, only some minor tweaks.” His eyes find yours and you start to think maybe he’s hinting towards the speech he would have given at Jaeyun and your engagement party. “Better head.” Lips forming a tight smile he descends the stairs.
His words circle your brain. You understood your parents would worry but all of these years you never had to face it, not until your past was being pushed onto you. Eunseo takes your hand and pulls you to the dining area where people are gathered to make speeches and say their congratulations.
Jaeyun strolls in behind Heeseung, his hands in his pockets before he notices his soon-to-be wife and wraps one arm around her. Tears threaten to spill as you watch the loving action. That should have been you. You should be marrying him, taking his second name, being his everything.
A fork clinks with a wine glass as Mr. Sim starts his speech. “Thank you everyone for coming. I will make this short considering I’m sure you’re all sick of us talking, especially when there is a free bar.” the people occupying the room laugh loudly and you see Yeoreum smile up at Jaeyun. It killed you but like always you put a smile on your face, “My son, he’s always been someone to wear his heart on his sleeve, always giving one hundred percent of himself to the person he loves,” Mr. Sims eyes fall on you and you feel like the speech is somehow directed to you, “Jaeyun deserves to have someone who loves him unconditionally, without prejudice, without pride, and always with his best interest in mind. I believe he’s found that.”
Crushed. Your heart can’t take the rest of the speech as you walk out of the room and bolt for the entrance of the house. Heaving your chest to gasp for air you feel yourself clutching at your chest, if you hadn’t had a panic attack before in your life you would have thought you were having a heart attack. You breathe out harshly, gasping for air as you lean on the banister. Someone comes up behind you and places a hand on your shoulder gently.
You hear muffled words but don’t take anything in as the figure guides you to sit on the steps, their hands rubbing your arms to keep you warm.
“Breathe for me, Y/N. He He Hoo or whatever.” You follow the words and inhale two breaths sharply and exhale extendedly. “That’s it.”
Your vision starts to come into focus as you see Heeseung in front of you, his Bambi eyes soft as his thumbs rub circles into your upper arms, “Keep doing that for me, okay?” He’s always been so kind to you, that you want to cry and he notices, “Hey, look at me, Y/N. Tell me about that band you used to like way back when.” Heeseung is trying to distract you but your brain is fuzzy and tears are rolling down your face, “The one with that rapper Jaeyun was always jealous of because you had him as your lock screen?"
“Monsta X?” you breathe out and he smiles lightly.
“Yeah, tell me about them. Are they still together?” His hands leave your arms as he discards his jacket from his body and wraps it around you.
Nodding you start to answer his question, “Yeah, they’re still together.” You sniffle and feel your heart start to slow down and breathe at ease, “Most of them are in the military now.” Your lips naturally form into a pout as you think about your favourite band being separated, not being whole until 2027.
“Sucks doesn’t it? I felt the same about ONF.” He laughs and so do you, letting out a singular sob as you do so.
“I didn’t mean to come here, Hee. Her sister is my best friend.” His eyes go wide and then looks down, his hands finding their way to your knees.
“Y/N, you can’t be here. He finally moved on.” There is a pleading intertwined with sorrow in his voice and you slowly nod. “He’s happy.”
“Heeseung?” Jaeyun’s voice pierces through you, the warmth from Heeseung’s jacket becoming null as goosebumps prickle your skin. “Can I talk with her?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, man.” They’re talking like you aren’t even there and a part of this too yet your voice is too weak to speak up and share your thoughts. Tension is looming in the air as Heeseung gives the man you love a stern stare, but Jaeyun has always been stubborn when it comes to you. If he can’t talk to you now he will find a way. However, for now, at least, Jaeyun listens to his best man, and with one more glace to your fragile body he heads back to his party. It hurts him to see you like this, he wants nothing more than to swoop you up and take you in his arms like he used to all those years ago.
The party continues as you head back in making your way to the guest bedroom, giving excuses to those asking simply saying you’re tired from travelling. You miss him being yours. That was the real exhaustion.
________
The party ended a couple of hours ago, the once loud and busy foyer now dark as you tip-toe down the stairs, heedful to not wake anyone up. It’s 5 am when you awake dying of thirst and decide to leave the comfy double bed of the guest bedroom and get a glass of water. Looking around you see empty wine glasses, a few smashed ones lined up on the long table just beside the stair banister. It truly was a magnificent party and in any other circumstance, you would have had a great time. Yeoreum’s family is lovely and welcoming it’s no wonder they have so many friends, and no wonder Jaeyun fell in love with her and fit so perfectly as her soon-to-be husband.
A leak of light bleeds from the kitchen and you presume an under-unit lamp is still on but as your feet scuffle into the kitchen you see a broad back staring at you. Taking in the figure you notice their blue and yellow checked pajama bottoms and casual black t shirt evidently not intended to be worn together but clearly the first thing they could find.
A creak sounds from under you alerting them of your presence causing them to whip around. Jaeyun. One of his eyes was shut indicating he was not long up himself, his dark hair fluffy and tussled but still slightly in place due to the remnants of styling wax. He takes your breath away every time.
“Hi.” You whisper and make your way to the fridge. Heeseung was right, it wasn’t a good idea to speak to each other. When you saw Jaeyun again after all these years you thought he would be mad, scream at you to get out, seething in hate, but that was never who Jaeyun was. Instead, you felt his love shooting through you and that was the dangerous part.
“It’s late.” His eyes never leave you as he watches you pour a glass of filtered water.
“Or early.” You shrug and lean against the unit not daring to look at him. “I guess it depends on whether you went to sleep or not.” you mumble, small talk never being your thing.
Jaeyun still feels like he’s in a dream. Your presence is haunting yet he hasn’t felt more at home. Just the simplicity of you being in this kitchen is enough for him to experience contentment he hasn’t felt in years. Not since then.
“When did you get engaged?” The question punches him slap-bang in the middle of his chest, the wind escaping his body.
With his head hanging low and his middle finger tracing his coffee mug he muttered, “ A few months ago.” to which you nodded and pursed your lips. “What about you?” he questions back, “you seeing anyone?”
“No.” It’s sharp and direct but you don’t want to touch on the subject any further, you didn’t want to accidentally divulge that you couldn’t get over him, not when he was sitting afore you an engaged man. It’s embarrassing.
Jaeyun sucks in a breath and holds it as if he was going to say something but in his hesitance, you speak up again. “Eunseo, she’s my best friend.” giving the information as a way to explain why you’re here. “I didn’t know it was you getting married to Yeoreum, I promise.” Your eyes are begging for him to look at you so he can see the sincerity in your words but he never does, opting to just nod slowly. “I’ll make up an excuse to get out of here before the wedding.”
“Why did you leave, Y/N?” Jaeyun’s voice is soft but laced with hurt, “Tell me why because for 4 fucking years I still haven’t been able to figure it out.”
No words come out of your mouth, instead, you bite your lip trying to pluck up courage, suddenly the idea of him looking at you made you uncomfortable but of course, now his eyes are on you. “You owe me that much.”
“I-,” You place the glass of water down and grip the counter behind you tightly, “I…I didn’t get into any colleges that I applied for, none near Busan. Only one accepted me but it was a few hours away.” His eyebrows are crossed in confusion as he asks, “What do you mean? I thought you only applied for ones near Apollo. We had planned-”
“My grades weren’t good enough to get into any colleges in Busan.” There is a slight venom in your tone but it’s not directed at him but rather yourself. “If I had told you I wasn’t going with you, I was scared you would give up your dream school and just fuck it all off to be with me.” You finally look at him and the confusion is dispelling from his face as you continue, “You said it yourself, you would have gone anywhere if it meant being with me. I couldn’t ask you to do that. I would live with the guilt every day, watching you attend a subpar college all because of me. I loved you Jaeyun I couldn’t do that to you.”
Jaeyun doesn’t miss the past tense usage of ‘love’ but he rewinds, “So you left our relationship because…it would be long distance?”
“Jaeyun it wasn’t just that, I did think about long distance but I knew you would grow at college without me, i kept thinking about what you said. The whole slowly breaking away from each other because we become different people stuff got in my head and I couldn’t bear to slowly lose you, so I-”
“So you thought leaving me without a word was the right way to go? Y/N we could have worked it out, we would have figured out a solution.” Jaeyun stands up and walks over to you, “I didn’t mean to pressure you into moving, or applying for the same college, or fuck even making you doubt our chances at long distance.” His hand naturally caresses your cheek as you let a tear slip.
Shaking your head you look up at him, “I was stupid and I didn’t want you to worry about me, you already had so much going on between work and school. But look, you went to college and you grew up, look at what you have.” Your hands gesture upstairs to where Yeoreum sleeps peacefully unaware of what is transpiring in her parent’s kitchen.
“We could have had this Y/N. You could be the one I’m marrying if you just let me look after you like a boyfriend is supposed to if you trusted me enough.”
“I did trust you.”
“Not enough to tell me what was going on when I gave you that ring. Y/N-” He huffs out loudly and drags a hand through his hair. “That should have been your opening to talk to me about all this. I love you so much I would have made long-distance work.” His deep eyes are searching into yours. All these questions he has and you can’t answer or retaliate to any of them. “When I gave you that ring and made that promise to be yours forever I wasn’t fucking around okay? I meant it.” He lets out a dry laugh and takes your hands in his. “Baby, I love you.”
You stand too stunned to speak. Here Jaeyun was after all these years still hopelessly yours. An engaged Jaeyun was still in love with you. You want to let out a laugh of disbelief but you’re frozen. The room is silent except for the annoyingly loud hum of the refrigerator.
Jaeyun notices how your eyes fall to his lips as he licks them wet, taking the opportunity to lean forward just enough that his breath hits yours. If your lips touch you no doubt know you won’t ever let him go.
“Jaeyun…”
Footsteps are heard behind you both and you push Jaeyun away forcefully but despite the other presence making themselves known, his eyes never leave your tear-glassed ones. “Baby,” he whispers just loud enough for you to hear but you shake your head and barge past him, head down so the other person doesn’t see you. “Y/N?” Jaeyun calls out, reckless abandonment is telling him to chase after you but as he feels an arm stopping him to a halt he looks up and sees Heeseung.
“Jake, don’t.”
________
Stirring in your sleep you groan as you hear a plethora of laughing coming from downstairs causing you to take the pillow from under you and suffocate your ears with it. After last night’s tragic events you just wanted to go home. Nothing would make you happier than to catch the first bus back to your flat and rewatch every episode of Fleabag to take your mind off of everything. Jaeyun was still in love with you and selfishly you hoped he hated you after what you did, that way your heart wouldn’t leap at every word he said.
Baby, I love you
You shake the thought away and give in, sitting up and looking around the room. Eunseo is gone, probably downstairs being the reason for everyone’s laughter you think to yourself. With a huff, you pull the covers off your body and immediately feel the cold breeze causing you to shiver. You don’t know if it's a coincidence or not but as goosebumps rise on your legs and arms, Jaeyun’s laugh is heard over everyone else. You missed his laugh so much, your heart had a shot of pain pierce come on so suddenly. There was a glimmer of sun outside that made your necklace sparkle as you proceeded for the door.
It was as if your ears could only hear Jaeyun as you walked quietly down the stairs. “If it’s Yeoreum making him laugh I might kill myself.” you mutter, pulling your hair up in a pony. It’s dramatic but right now you can’t face to see them in love, it hurts. You’re hurting.
“Y/N! You’re awake!” Euneo stands up and scurries to the kitchen, grabbing a plate for you, “Mum just made breakfast.”
“Hey! I helped.” Yeoreum faked offence which Eunseo simply rolled her eyes in response. She handed you the plate before you could tell her you weren’t hungry. “Sit down, Y/N, please.” Eunseo’s mum points to the empty chair at the comically large table, you suppose she does have a large family.
Luckily for you, the seat was situated far enough away from Jaeyun that you could avoid him, unfortunately, you couldn’t avoid his eyes burning holes into the side of your face. You ignore him and scan the feast of food before you and you wonder if this is what it was like for Annie in Parent Trap when Chessy made a buffet of all her favourites. “Eat up, Y/N, there is plenty here.” Yeoreum and Eunseo’s mum says.
“Thanks, Mrs. Son.” You pick up a few hash browns and start to eat one. That’s when you become aware of the enemy of all condiments, black pepper. It was a great tool in the kitchen, adding a little flavour and spice. Not for you though, the black powdered devil always makes your tongue itch. Who the fuck puts black pepper on hash browns? You think to yourself, face scrunching and teeth running along your tongue as you pour yourself a glass of water and take a huge swig. It does nothing at all so you go to excuse yourself to get a glass of juice or anything with taste but before you can there is a glass of apple juice placed beside you. Glancing up you see Jaeyun placing the cup with a knowing look on his face.
Of course, he knew. He knew everything about you and with the face you were pulling it was one he had seen too many times at restaurants.
“Why the fuck would they season their food with this, like, isn’t that what these are for?” You grabbed a pepper shaker and started waving it in his face. You had both gotten back from a day-turned-overnight trip to the beach and stopped off at a service station in the middle of nowhere, the diner was quaint with an American feel to it, undoubtedly your favourite kind.
“Princess I think your weird tongue is the only one that would complain.” Jaeyun laughed and swapped your eggs for his bacon. “There, now there is no pepper in sight.” He also passed over his apple juice with a bright smile.
“Take this.” His deep voice pulled you back to reality. Thanking him you take the cup and chug it quietly, but everyone's eyes are on you.
“You don’t like the food, Y/N?” Mrs. Son says not offended but certainly not pleased. Waving your hand quickly you swallow the liquid and explain, “No, it's lovely Mrs Son, me and pepper just don’t go well together.”
Yeoreum looks at Jaeyun with furrowed brows but doesn’t question it. There is a massive part of him that knows he should have left you to deal with it yourself so as to not raise suspicion but his instincts kicked in. He takes Yeoreum’s hand and kisses the back of it tenderly. It stings your heart.
“So,” Mr Son claps his hands diverting the attention to him, “I thought since the whole wedding party is here we should get to know each other. We will be family once Saturday passes after all.” A groan comes softly from your right and you turn to see Heeseung with his eyes shut.
“If he makes us play charades I’m passing my best man duties to literally anyone else.” He whispers to you which causes you to snort laugh and bite your mouth shut. You miss Heeseung’s smile as he watches you. He always did love you like a sister despite everything. He knew this situation wasn’t just hurting Jaeyun and after last night he was sure you were just as heartbroken as he was.
“We’re going to have a friendly game of football!”
“Dad, I can’t get bruised before my big day!” Yeoreum exclaims, her arms wrapped around her body to protect her from an imaginary ball flying at her. Jaeyun laughs and rubs her arms, “Reumie I don’t think your dad means you guys.”
Heeseung’s hand lands on your shoulder as you watch the loving act. They did look good together you couldn’t lie about that. Their energy matched, they would make the most beautiful children to ever walk this earth, and even their sense of style was similar - casual but fashionable.
“I was going to say 5 v 5, there are enough men here right?” Mr Son starts counting around the table as Heeseung slowly slides down the chair, his eyes hidden behind this hand as he pretends to rub his forehead.
“I thought you liked football, Hee?” You whisper but he shakes his head violently.
“Used to. I have since grown a great distaste for it, especially with Yeoreum’s cousins. They’re brutal and leave me bruised.” he mutters the last few words and you laugh leaning close.
“Aw is Hee scared of a little bruise.” He doesn’t appreciate your taunting yet he smiles and rolls his eyes. “You’re almost as good as Jaeyun, you can handle yourself I mean look.” You sneakily point to one of the cousins who is on his 3rd plate of food, “He’s going to be so full he can’t move, stick by him and you’ll look like Messi or something.”
Heeseung laughs out loud, “Oh! Heeseung I almost didn’t count you.” Mr Son claps, “That makes 10!”
Heeseung’s tongue pokes the side of his face as his rage-filled eyes look right into yours. You mouth a half-hearted ‘sorry’ and hold in a giggle. “I’ll kick the ball in your face.” He warns but you’re too busy chuckling to notice.
Eunseo’s eyes meet yours with her eyebrows raised. Giving her a confused look you knit your eyebrows together to ask her what that look on her face is for but she simply smirks and looks at Heeseung. Fuck. You forgot that was her favour to you, to set you up with the dishy best man. Oh if only she knew. You and Heeseung were so out of this world impossible that you had to fight to hold in your laughter.
“What’s so funny?” Heeseung whispers and his lips graze the shell of your ear. You quickly turn around and his face is incredibly close to yours. Eunseo must be loving this.
“Eunseo promised to set me up with the hot best man. That was my bribe to get me here.” A shallow laugh leaves his throat and he sits up, hands pointed to his chest.
“I am hot to be fair.” He jokingly smirks causing you to hit his chest playfully. “What? Do you not think so?”
“I know so. It’s just how cocky you are about it all,” Heeseung’s lips part to say something but you stop him, “If you’re going to make a joke about your dick I don’t want to hear it, Hee.” he shuts his mouth instantly. You missed this just as much as you missed Jaeyun. The banter between you and your friends is what kept you from losing your mind most of your high school days, and right now it’s taking your mind off this ridiculous situation.
“Eunseo tried it on with me once,” Heeseung says while eyeing her up and giving her a wave.
“But she acted like she didn’t know you? When she brought you up it was as if she had never met you.” He scoffs as you recall the conversation in the cafe.
“I rejected her, she’s not my type. Plus, she wanted double dates all the time, and don’t get me wrong I love Jake and Yeoreum but they’re insufferable. Kinda like you and hi-” He halts himself mid-sentence and looks at you apologetically. “Sorry.” You wave it off and pretend it doesn’t hurt you to hear before he continues, “I probably shouldn’t say this but if it’s any consolation, he isn’t half as infatuated with her as he was you.” It does bring some solace but you try not to let it sit in your mind too long.
“I’m not having a great time with it but at least he’s happy.” You mumble playing with your fingers and picking at the skin. Heeseung’s big hands encase your smaller ones as he squeezes them discreetly.
“You’ll always be his first love, just remember that. And who knows,” He leans back in his chair with that smug look on his face once again, “Your next love might be the hot best man.”
Pinching the bridge of your nose you can’t help but laugh again. “Heeseung please shut up.”
While you and Heeseung were talking, none of you noticed Jaeyun staring purposefully as if his eyes could pry you two apart. He wasn’t jealous, no, he was just wishing he was with you both like old times, laughing with you as if no time had passed. Yeoreum strokes his arm lightly and looks up at him. “Jakey, you okay?” to which Jaeyun hums and turns to her, kissing her forehead lightly. “Never better, Reumie.” Lies but as his lips touch her head he remembers last night and how his lips felt like they had found their way home.
“Okay! Let’s go and get ready for a full day ahead. The game starts in an hour.” Mr Son’s voice bellowed throughout the dining area.
“Come on,” Heeseung takes your hand and leads you to the kitchen, “You’re eating something before you’re tormented by the whole aunt brigade.” Heeseung’s always been so sweet. Whoever ties him down is going to be the luckiest girl in the world.
__
The game had been on for 20 minutes and you can’t escape the daggers coming from Mrs. Sim across the table. Of course she’s mad, you hurt her precious baby boy, you completely understand but that doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable. She liked you a lot before everything went down, always treating you like her own but now it’s like her heart turned cold towards you, a contrast to her husband who seems to actually tolerate you enough to be civil. Meeting the Sim family again was beyond awkward but you were thankful none of them let on to the others about you and Jaeyun’s history.
“My Jakey is so good at football. He said he used to play in high school.” Yeoreum gushes, her hands clasped beside her cheeks as she watches her fiance on the garden lawn.
“Yeah, he was the captain in high school. Almost got a scholarship but he didn't want to do that professionally.” You say and sip at your white wine and lemonade top.
“How do you know he was captain?” The question comes from Eunseo and you nearly choke on the sweet wine. Shit
“Yes Y/N, how do you know?” Mrs. Sim quips and you want to die. You look over at the men on the field and panic trying to find any rhyme or reason you would know that information. Maybe I should put on a strip and join them, a ball to the face would be less painful.
“Oh, um, me and Jae- Jake spoke about it at the party. Getting to know him and all that.” your words are rushed and your hand reaches for the bottle to pour more wine. Admittedly, this is probably the last thing you should be doing, getting drunk and not running your mouth was never something that came easily. The party of girls nod and accept your answer. You need to be more careful. You don’t dare look at Mrs Sim with the fear of being obliterated on the spot.
“You got this, baby!” Yeoreum shouts loudly and gains the attention of Jaeyun, his smile bright as he waves, his eyes never leaving yours. You smile back and give him two thumbs up. He starts to wipe his face with the bottom of his t-shirt to gather the sweat. It gives you a peak of his lower abdomen and you feel like a Victorian man seeing an ankle for the first time.
The mind is a powerful tool and also your greatest enemy at the moment as you recollect every time you kissed down his stomach, sometimes leaving hickeys to mark him as yours. You remember how his jaw would slack open the lower you got, the moans that would fall from his lips as your tongue trailed from his belly button to the top of his boxer waistband. When his dick was pressed against that very stomach you would trace your fingers touching everything but his cock. You swallow hard, thighs clenching together, you can’t think these thoughts but fuck it was so easy.
Jaeyun notices your face change and smirks, biting his lip and ogling at your thighs rubbing against each other just like you used to when you were turned on by him. His eyes dart to his fiances but she seems unbothered by his act. Heeseung comes up behind him and wraps an arm over his shoulder. “Dude this is rough-” he pauses and follows Jaeyun’s eyes, “What you looking at? Yeoreum? Y/N?” he whispers only your name and it makes Jaeyun sigh.
“Let’s just get back to the game yeah? Sooner we beat these old men the sooner I can have a beer.” Heeseung laughs and claps his best friend’s back.
While you're zoning out, your best friend speaks up. “Heeseung looks good, huh Y/N?” Eunseo giggles and nudges your shoulder with hers. “I thought I saw him flirting with you earlier.” You laugh and shake your head dismissively.
“Nah he was just engaging in conversation.” Everyone is looking at you waiting for you to elaborate, “Oh, it was just usual chit-chat. Weather, work, small talk stuff.”
Eunseo doesn’t buy your chatter, she’s convinced after seeing you both this morning that you two will be the next wedding she attends. “Y/N, he was all over you at the table!” Eunseo chimes and tries to recreate the scene for the other girls at the table, “He was all like touchy, and your faces were like here!” Her nose brushes yours to which you laugh it off and push her lightly, shaking your head.
“Well I think you should try to speak to him more, he seems interested.” Yeoreum says and you try not to laugh in her face.
Mrs Sim snorts and sets her wine glass down. “Yeoreum, honey, Y/N isn’t his type. He likes classy girls, loyal girls with a good sense of worth.” Ouch. It was probably deserved but shit did that prick your heart. Eunseo looks at you confused but you shrug and don’t pay attention to it.
“Heeseung isn’t my type either.” you mutter. Yeoreum leans her elbow on the table and places her face in her palm as she asks, “What is your type then, Y/N?”
Jaeyun.
“Eh, I like guys who are sweet, um, they laugh at stupid jokes,” You start to look at Jaeyun as you continue, “I like when guys are attentive and know things about you that you don’t even really know yourself because they listen to every little thing you say.”
The girls around the table are gawking at you, “Y/N? Have you ever been in love? You must have been!” One of the bridesmaids asks excitedly. You shrug your head to the side and laugh.
“Once upon a time but that was forever ago.” You slyly look at Mrs. Sim and it was astronomically the worst decision. Her face was overcome with disgust.
Ironically, it’s Yeoreum asking the question now, “Tell us about it. Wasn’t he the ‘one’”. How do you say to her that your love, the one you want to spend forever with, is hers?
“I think he was but I was an idiot, too young to understand that we should have fought through our challenges rather than me running away from them.” The honesty in your voice is raw and you’re holding down the tears. One of the bridesmaids asks, “How do you know someone is the one?”
“J-” You almost say his name but smoothly continue without anyone noticing, “You know because there is an easiness in loving someone you know you're going to spend your life with. It comes naturally like breathing. There’s no trying to impress, no hiding parts of you. You both love each other like it’s the only thing you know how to do right. Even if you're apart, when you eventually come back together you slide right back into where you left off. Your love is infinite."
Yeoreum starts to cry "That’s like me and Jake." The crowd of girls hurry to her side and hug her as she sobs, encouragements from her party saying how they are ‘meant to be’ flood your ears. While they are distracted you wipe a tear, that’s when you feel a hand hold yours. Mrs Sim has a mournful look on her face, her thumb swiping over the back of your hand now seated next to you. Its unexpected but this is a step up from the hateful glares and you’re more than thankful.
Her eyes hold a love for you just like those years ago, maybe it took you explaining your feelings for her to truly understand how sorry you were about the whole situation, opening her up to forgive you even a little bit.
Yeoreum composes herself, fanning her face with her hands as everyone proceeds back to their seats, everyone except Mrs Sim who stays by your side, forcing Eunseo to move to the opposite end. “Thanks, girls. Ugh I just love him so much.”
Don’t ask it. Don’t ask it. Your brain is screaming to ask her the question that you know would set you off, “How did you two meet?” The words fall from your lips before you can catch them with your teeth.
A smile spreads widely across her face as her whole body turns to you. This is the first time you have properly examined her features and you wish you didn’t. Easily she is one of the most beautiful girls to ever exist, her small face but big features making her look otherworldly, her body is naturally slender, her black hair is long and sleek straight, her bangs fit around her face perfectly, her eyes gleamed with life and love. She was truly perfection. “We met at Apollo! You know the college in Busan?” Her eyes twinkle and you become jealous because in the past 4 years, your eyes have become dull and empty, “He was walking to class in the East block and I just thought he was the hottest guy I had ever seen.”
Mrs. Sim delicately squeezes your hand but doesn’t spare a glance. Despite her feelings for you, she knows this isn’t easy for you and she doesn’t envy you in this situation at all. “I just walked up to him and asked him out. He was so reluctant at first, saying he was still getting over his ex,” she smiles at the memory, “and let me tell you, after that night he probably didn’t think about her again.” Yeoreum smirked as the girls squealed.
“Yeoreum, as his mother I don’t need to hear this.” Mrs. Sim scoffs, her face slightly disgusted. The bride-to-be mouthed a quick sorry and continued, “We went totally casual for a while, but you know how things escalate, he was in love with me by like the third time I met him.”
You nodded at her as she continued to tell you about her romance with the love of your life and you feel your heart slide its way into the pit of your stomach. It's nauseating how he found a love and you couldn’t even face dating anyone. But you couldn’t be mad, of course not, because you did this.
“Y/N?” You look up to see Heeseung and Jaeyun, both of them with their eyes on you purposefully. Yeoreum grabs Jaeyun’s hands yet his eyes don’t leave your face. Heeseung’s voice continues, “Can I grab you for a minute? I got a-” he pauses to think of an excuse, “I need a second pair of hands to bring out more drinks, yeah?” His eyebrow raises at you to follow along to which you nod and stand up. Noticing Eunseo’s stares you shake your head and give her a small smile.
Heeseung’s fingers interlock with yours as he leads you away into the house and suddenly you feel like you can breathe again. “Y/N you okay? You looked like you were gonna throw up.” You look up at him, his 6”0 frame towering over you.
“I’m fine, just asking questions I know I shouldn’t.” You let out a half-hearted laugh and smile sheepishly at him, “It’s okay. How was the game?” Proceeding to the kitchen you open the fridge to pick up the jug of margarita Yeoreum and Eunseo had lovingly made with way too much spirit and minimal mixers.
“I still hate you for getting me caught, but we beat them so,” He shrugs and reaches from behind you to grab a six-pack of Peroni, “Wasn’t as eventful as your time at the interrogation table. I saw them all grilling you.” You snicker and disagree.
“Nah, they were just asking about my life, the usual.” It wasn’t the full truth but it wasn’t a lie either.
Heeseung moves from behind you and leans against the kitchen island, one foot propped up on the base of the counter, swinging the beers between his legs. “How was Mrs. Sim? That must have been hard, I could feel her ice-cold stare from the other end of the garden.” He opens up the packet of 6 and hands you one, “Open this for me?” You nod and take it from him, setting the jug down to pop open the lid with the edge of the unit before giving it back to him.
“I thought I was going to die I can’t lie, but then she was okay, I think?” You question the interaction in your head, “She was nicer to me as the afternoon went on, but I think it was pity.” Heeseung brings the bottle to his lips and sips the cold beer and his eyebrows lifted.
“I don’t think It would be pity, you know she loved you more than Jake, at least that’s what he always thought." He pauses and takes a sip from his bottle before dramatically pulling it from his lips and pointing towards you, "Fuck, didn’t she have your wedding dress practically paid for?”
This was news to you and Heeseung guessed as much by the look on your face, “You didn’t know? She always went about how she had a separate savings account for you and Jake’s wedding. I think she still has it.”
You look at him quizically, “Wait, why would she still have it? Surely she would have put it to this wedding.” You search for a glass to pour the margarita into and wait for Heeseung to respond.
“Nah, they didn’t pay a penny for this. They don’t want him to marry her.”
“WHAT?!” You exclaim and turn around bug-eyed and mouth open, “What do you mean? His dad was saying all that nice stuff at the toast, and his mum looked like she was bursting with pride when Yeoreum was talking about Jake.”
There was a silence in the air as Heeseung stepped forward and grabbed your shoulders, “They like her, but babe she isn’t you. Mr. and Mrs. Sim know Jake doesn-, you know what I shouldn’t be saying anything.” You plead with him to continue, gripping his hands that are placed on you, “Hee, please, Jake doesn’t what?”
Just as Heeseung is about to divulge very useful information, Eunseo walks in with her hands up, “Ignore me, love birds, just came to get the jug of fun,” she spots it behind you and points, “Can you grab me that please?”
Stepping back, Heeseung grabs the jug and hands it to Eunseo, “We were just coming out anyway, right angel.”
Oh, you were going to murder him. His face smug and Eunseo’s mouth breaking into a large smile, you grab your glass and head out with them, Heeseung’s hands on your hips and lips to your ear, “Let me give her what she wants.” You turn around, eyes scolding him.
“Don’t even think about it, and don’t think I’ll let our little conversation go either.” As you walk and warn Heeseung, you’re already outside, a pair of usually wide, bright eyes, now thin as they watch you and his best friend joke around.
Jaeyun is seething.
#jake x reader#enhypen smut#enha smut#jake smut#jake sim ff#aj writes#this doesnt really have smut in it but whatever#i also did write like a good 1/3 of this drunk a while back so if I start to not make sense just ignore it lmao
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Hello ! I have a request for you so I hope you can do it ! 🩷 (no rush obviously, take your time ☺️💓)
I wanted to request for Verosika mayday and (she's my favorite gal) with a cute idol reader (they're in a relationship)
example for idol reader: (basically They're cute as hell)
Can be any gender you want
Verosika Mayday With A Cute Idol S/O
Now, I'll start this off with the obvious: before you start dating, she sees you as competition. I mean, how dare you come onto her turf and steal her fans?!
However, it doesn't take long for her to meet you with intent of threatening you away, only for her to begin swooning over you soon after.
You're just?? So sweet??? Like??
She's enamored with you, but she thinks it's suspicious. Soon after, though, she learns that it's not an act, that you really ARE that sweet and that cute.
It isn't long until you two start dating, and she makes it VERY clear to her posse that you're off-limits because you're HER sweet little S/O.
She'll also actually refrain from fucking people, either on earth or in hell, as long as she has you. She adores you beyond belief, viewing you as just too sweet to do that to.
Now, she's got that pop star money. So anytime she sees anything that even SLIGHTLY reminds her of you, congratulations, you've got twelve.
You two would bond over music, definitely. No matter what kind of music you sing (I assume pop based on the term 'idol'), and she'll even suggest karaoke dates for the both of you.
Plus, she'll integrate herself into your professional life, too, with collabs! Interchanging, switching vocals, with one of you singing your part of the main chorus and the other doing the backing vocals, and vice versa.
Another thing: she'll have you help with writing songs and everything! It's nice dating another musician, because you both know how to support each other endlessly.
If you're a succubus and you're interested in seducing humans together, perfect, she'll do that with you! But if not, that's okay, she only needs you.
Because you're so sweet and cute, though, it'd be a long time before she opened up about her psst relationship with Blitzø and how he broke her heart.
That said, she'll write a diss track about him with lines along the lines of "fuck you, got my new boo". She's petty, even if you aren't, and unless you say you're uncomfortable, she isn't gonna stop putting you in her pettiness anytime soon.
She'll help you with outfit coordination and ask for the same in turn, figuring that if you're both coordinated, it's a sly way to show everyone that you're hers.
PDA is a must, but it'll be lower than if you weren't an idol, because she doesn't want to risk you being made upset if it's in the tabloids. Anything that can be construed as 'friendly', she'll do in public. The kissing and stuff is saved for later. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
That said, if anyone ever flirts with you in public, she has no shame in making out with you or grabbing your ass right there in public, just to show that person that you're hers and only hers.
And likewise, if anyone ever flirts with her, she'll grab your hand and offer a cruel smirk while she turns them down.
"Yeeeeeah, no. I already have a fucking amazing S/O, who's most definitely better in bed than a lame fuckstain like you ever would be."
She'll try harder to get through rehab entirely for you. She wants to see that sweet, adorable smile on your face when she tells you that she's done with the Beelzejuice...
Basically, contrary to what you'd think, your sweetness an innocence inspires her to be better.
Although...
There's always a small part of her that wants to corrupt you more than anything else.
"Aww, S/O, you look almost good enough to eat~."
"Are you saying I'm sweet? :D"
"...Yeah."
She would never do that of course, but the thought is kind of just... there. But she loves you too much to ever try to do that to you.
All in all, Verosika is a good girlfriend to you, and both your professional and personal lives are filled with love and laughter together.
And she'll be damned if she lets anyone keep you apart...
Ever.
#verosika mayday#verosika x reader#helluva boss verosika#verosika helluva boss#helluva verosika#helluva boss#helluvaboss#blitzo#helluva boss x reader#notsfw implications
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can you write something with reader and gromsko and how gromsko would treat her if she was his wife? i’ve heard some seriously questionable things about polish people from my boyfriend, he could be biased but from what i know they are super misogynistic and gromsko gives off traditional vibes yknow.
Masterlist
Wow, that is a very interesting request, actually!
First of all, I am very sorry, that your boyfriend had bad experience with Polish people and I really hope, that things get better. My very first work was in a Polish company, and I've met the sweetest, nicest people there. There was literally one issue - I was young, tiny and underweight, and they all felt sorry about that and constantly tried to feed me.)) So the reason I'm telling this here is to highlight, that there are so many different people in every country.
I don't have anything against authors, who chose to depict him as very traditional (in a negative way) person. It is always important to not forget, such people exist. But I want to offer you a slightly different approach to him. Let's just call it an experiment and see, if it works both for you and me, ok? We will keep this guy traditional more or less, but shift him to a non-toxic side.
Husband Gromsko HCs
Long before the marriage, he takes you with him on a trip across Poland to meet his relatives. Won't stop until you meet everyone. Grannies, aunties, nieces - everyone. You are about to become part of his family and it's important to him, that you are truly integrated in the family and shown love from every single part of it.
He asks his parents to bless your marriage, and definitely asks your parents to let him make a proposal to you. It is not that he is dependent - he was raised in a culture, where respect to elderly is everything.
Regardless of how devout he and you are (even if you are an atheist), Gromskо will persuade you to a traditional wedding ceremony.
If you do not belong to any church or are simply a representative of another faith, he will not rest until he persuades the priest of his native church to allow you two to marry.
Yes, this guy will start to fight for your marriage long before it even starts. He doesn't try to force you into faith though. If needed - he is ready to pray for you both. Because you are his love and Sobieslaw has enough faith to keep you in Gods good books.
Once you are his, truly and finally his - Sobieslaws mind is all concentrated on two objectives: domesticating you and welcoming children in your family.
His biggest fear is to fail you. And in his mind, keeping you on your work equals failing you. If you worry about money - it means to Gromsko, that he doesn't provide well enough.
It will take a lot of talking to change his mind. But eventually he will understand. No matter, what he is taught to believe - you, his wife, love of his life, come first. Always. If you are 100% sure, this is the way, you want to live - he will support your choice to keep your work.
He wants children. Not a single child - children. It will break his heart, if you are not in the same boat with him on that one. He won't push you too hard, won't give ultimatums - but he will constantly try to bring the similar wish into your mind.
He is a 'look how adorable these little ones', 'look how tiny this baby beanie is' type of guy. Watches his friends kids on the playground, while embracing you lovingly and whispering 'they are sweet, but our little treasure would be the sweetest'.
If you are as enthusiastic as he is, and you get pregnant - prepare to meet doctor Gromsko. He won't leave your side, not for a day, even if it affects his career. Who gives a f**k about work stuff, when the most important person out there prepares to gift him the second most important person in his life?
He will monitor you constantly, take you to every single check up, make sure you get all the essential vitamins, have enough of fresh air daily and NO stress.
Will welcome his child with tears, will cover your face with frantic, desperate kisses afterwards. "Dziękuję kochanie... dziękuję, dziękuję,dziękuję*!"
Gromsko loves it, when everybody knows, that you are his and he is yours. So please, if you take off your wedding ring for any reason - wear it on a chain as a necklace. Otherwise, he will be terrified, that it is a sign, you don't want him by your side anymore.
He is constantly worried, you might get sick, so he makes sure, you are always warm, you eat well (no matter what your body type is, his granny will still call you too thin, so Sobieslaw will worry about that), you get health checkups every now and then (even if you are feeling perfect!!!).
The most supporting guy, if you decide for any reason, that you don't want to work actively and choose to stay at home.
Gromsko won't just settle with 'ok, good, now I finally have a stay at home wifey'. He will make sure, you like every part of your home, have enough time and space for your hobbies, feel safe and loved.
By the way, the guy looks like the 'I'll build our house on my own' type. Who, if not him, knows better, what makes an ideal home for you and him? Of course, you can choose all the decorations, materials and so on. But he is the one, doing the building.
Dziękuję kochanie… dziękuję, dziękuję,dziękuję - Thank you, love... thank you, thank you, thank you.
#cod mw2#cod#cod modern warfare#call of duty#cod x reader#call of duty mw2#gromsko#modern warfare 2#mw2#modern warfare ii#gromsko mw2#gromsko x reader#mw2 x reader#specgru cod#gromsko cod#sobiesław kościuszko#sobiesław kościuszko x reader#call of duty x reader
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How the Drivers React to Meeting/Seeing You For the First Time - Part One
Max Verstappen:
He was always supportive of Kelly picking her own staff, especially when it came to a role she would be working very closely with such as a personal assistant. He would sit with her after Penelope went to bed and help her choose the person adequate enough for the role. Max wanted someone that Kelly and Penelope would feel comfortable around, someone they could rely on and he immediately liked the look of Blake’s application. First impression purely from the resume was that he assumed Blake was a male but boy he was wrong. When Max was first introduced to Blake he immediately felt what he could only describe as uneasiness around her. She seemed comfortable straight off the bat, with the hustle and bustle of a lavish life that many would find intimidating.
“Isn’t Blake a male name?” Were Max’s first words to her. Kelly apologised profusely before Blake simply smiled and offered a soft giggle.
“I’ve never met a Max that wasn’t a female before. I guess we learn something new everyday.”
It was safe to say that Max had never had someone go up against him like that, someone that was more certainly not on his level or even remotely in the position to do so. So, he fuelled his uneasieness around Blake into something he was all too familiar with; hate. He had hoped that she would be gone in a few months time and that everything could go back to normal.
Carlos Sainz:
To him you were always Ezekiel’s younger sister that just wanted someone to play with. You were still the younger sister that annoyed her three older brothers to no end in sight, wanting to feel like you belonged. He remembered the constant whining to your mother when the boys were able to go out but you couldn’t, you had to stay home because you were younger. Of course you had your own friends but you were all several years younger, crushing over boys that would never look at them in a different light other than Ezekiel’s younger sister and friends.
Then you moved away to study abroad in America. You partied, studied, worked with children and loved, had your heart broken and cried many tears. Ezekiel, now all grown up, had started a family of his own but still spoke to Carlos on a weekly basis, catching the race whenever it was the Spanish Grand Prix and spent time with his childhood best friend when Carlos had time off.
Carlos hadn’t seen Andrea in years until Ezekiel decided to surprise both of them at the Austin Grand Prix. Carlos was floored when Ezekiel rounded the corner, bringing his best friend in for a brotherly hug before pulling away, his eyes widening when they landed on Andrea. She still had her looks from back when they were younger but this time she grew into her body. She dressed maturely and managed to take his breath away all at the same time.
“Andrea, wow! This is a surprise.” Ezekiel smirked as Carlos moved in, embracing Andrea in a tight hug.
“Ah, my second favourite Spanish racer.” Andrea’s stupid and childish high-school crush looked as handsome as ever and she couldn’t help but feel insecure. She knew she would always be the best friend’s younger sister to Carlos.
“Second?”
“Well, yes. Alonso is the first.”
Charles Leclerc:
He met Manon by chance. It was the classic right place right time trope that you see in romantic comedies. He would never say it was love at first sight, no, but he was immediately entranced by her. She was an enigma.
The way her body moved to the beat of the music, her tight bun slowly losing its structural integrity the more she bounced around her small group of friends, strands of her dark brown hair sticking to her sweaty face. She seemed unfazed by some of the looks she was accumulating from some of the other females that were dancing a bit more modestly on the dance-floor but everyone else enjoyed her confidence, enjoyed how she let go to the sound of the music.
Everyone could just tell that she and her group of friends were not from the area, but instead they acted and looked like tourists, not that it was a bad thing. He felt a bit weird, sitting with George, Pierre and Lando in the VIP booth and just watching her but he noticed how she didn’t seem to be drinking the alcohol like her friends, but instead having fun whilst sober and making sure she was safe.
“Go talk to her, mate.” George finally caught out, an espresso martini in his hand. The four boys decided to have a week in Monaco during their break, just have fun and let go whilst they were all young and before the world and their year got a little bit more crazier. “What have you got to lose?” Charles wondered in his head how he could sneak down to the general dancefloor and introduce himself to the girl without being noticed.
He finally found his way walking towards her, offering a smile to some of the fans on his way but he was on a mission. He felt his friends eyes watching him and he secretly hoped he wouldn’t be rejected, he couldn’t deal with the teasing. It wasn’t hard to spot the girl from ground level, her bun sat tall and bobbed up and down. She grinned at her friends before spinning around and paused as the song ended, her eyes landing right on Charles.
“You just gonna stand there or introduce yourself?”
Daniel Ricciardo:
Claudia was eternally grateful when her uncle decided to offer her a position as a Junior Events Manager working out of Red Bull Racing in Milton Keynes. She had just graduated college and was looking to kick start her professional career, applying for various roles across London before Christian and Geri approached her with the idea to apply for the new 2023 intake. Christian had assured her that he would not be making the final decision and could only give a recommendation and that she would undertake the same application process as everyone else that was applying. It was only fair, she thought.
So, when she finally got the call to come in and sign all the necessary legal documents and bring in relevant information (such as passports for international purposes such as following the race and security clearances) she was so thankful and so relieved. She was caught in traffic and was running a little bit behind her personal schedule, enough to make only herself nervous, so she pulled into one of the only remaining staff car parks closest to the entrance. She managed to beat someone else, the driver throwing their hands up in annoyance and honking at her, not that she was really worried about that for the time being.
Daniel was livid. Not only did someone steal his car park but he was now ten minutes late. He liked to be on time, he liked to arrive early even but he had forgotten what traffic was like in the area at that time in the morning. The small action set him off for the rest of the morning, his stomps on the gravel kicking up bits that went flying everywhere. He knew what she looked like, at least the behind of her that he saw rush into the building. Christian finally spotted his third drive, Max and Sergio beside him, all three dressed in Red Bull branded clothing.
“Daniel, so lovely to finally join us. I have someone I’d like you to meet.” Christian began, shaking his hand before Daniel turned to the other two racers, sharing a smile and shaking their hands.
“Sorry I’m late. There was this incident in the car park and i-” Christian smiled brightly, looking behind Daniel causing the man to look over his shoulder. Though he only saw the back of her he knew this was the woman from this morning, the front of her matching the clothes, the same copper hair.
“My niece, Claudia. Claudia, Daniel Ricciardo.” Well, this is great, Daniel thought.
Lance Stroll:
Piper Broadstone is the youngest daughter of two incredibly wealthy car collectors and curators. She was no stranger to the glitz and glamour of the life she was born into, sometimes loathing it when she wished to have some secrets to herself, sometimes appreciating it when she needed to use it for her own gain. She is an incredibly smart young woman, known to be quite quiet unless conversing with close family and friends. She would wear the most lavish dresses to galas, charity balls and auction nights and bask in the flash of the photography. Tonight was no different.
Piper sat in a rather uncomfortable seat decorated with an almost acidic green backing. She listened as the auctioneer called out the newest bids, going back and forth with bidders and new prices. Every now and then she would put in a bid for something that piqued her interest; the first edition of a literary classic, an all-expenses paid trip to somewhere exotic and sometimes jewellery. She was oblivious to what was currently up for grabs.
“Fifty-thousand dollars going to number six-zero-three. Going once, going twice-” Piper held up her bidders paddle, her lucky number eighteen in white block letters.
“Seventy-five thousand.” The auctioneer seemed taken back by the twenty-five thousand increased bid but nodded, calling out according to his script. Lance looked over to where the woman called out the new bid, dissatisfied with the fact that her back was facing towards him, as was everyone else on the table or they were obstructed by a large structural column. He did note that the colour dress she wore was very similar to the green of his racing suit. His father’s eyebrows raised slightly before he simply smirked. His father was the reason why this charity auction was put together in the first place, it was good PR.
“Seventy-five thousand. Going once, going twice. Sold! An one-on-one drive and date with Aston Martin’s Formula One race car driver, Lance Stroll, is sold to Piper Broadstone.” Lance, who was about to swallow a mouthful of whiskey choked from the sudden announcement before looking up to where the woman sat, now turned around and smiled at him.
Piper looked back to Lance, someone she had only seen from a distance at other similar events or being briefly introduced to by her parents. The Broadstones and the Stroll’s were quite well known, in the same financial calibre. Well, there could be worse things to win at an auction.
#formula one smut#formula 1 fanfic#formula one facfic#formula one#formula 1#f1 x reader#f1 smut#f1#formula one imagine#f1 imagine#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen x you#max verstappen#daniel riccardo x reader#daniel ricciardo#daniel ricciardo imagine#max verstappen imagine#carlos sainz#carlos sainz smut#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz imagine#charles leclerc smut#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc#charles leclerc imagine#lance stroll#lance stroll smut#lance stroll x reader#lance stroll imagine
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And we've reached the end! I cannot believe we made it but here are the final four. :)
You know the drill by now, explanations and ramblings underneath the cut :D
(1) THE FOOL / THE MAGICIAN / THE HIGH PRIESTESS |
(2) THE EMPRESS / THE EMPEROR / THE HIEROPHANT |
(3) THE LOVERS / THE CHARIOT / STRENGTH |
(4) THE HERMIT / WHEEL OF FORTUNE / JUSTICE |
(5) THE HANGED MAND | DEATH | TEMPERANCE |
(6) THE DEVIL / THE TOWER / THE STAR |
(7) THE MOON / THE SUN / JUDGEMENT / THE WORLD
THE MOON - As I mentioned in the previous set, I had The Star and The Moon exchanged at first. Colorwise I found the Balcony Smoker to be more fitting but descriptionwise.... "[The fool's] bliss (...) makes him vulnerable to the illusions of the Moon" fit Klaasje more. I feel like Harry related to her on a level and of course was drawn to her beauty, and fell for her deception. Or well at least I did lol. Although I don't even want to call it deception, more like...obfuscation in self-defense. Klaasje on the rooftop staring at a moon seemed like a nice visual image too.
THE SUN - I had. So much trouble. Filling this role. Since The sun stands for everything warm and joyous. "It enlightens, so the Fool both feels and understands the goodness of the world." And it's pretty hard to find something joyous in Revachol. I almost chose Ruby just for the orange aesthetics and the sort of... enlightenment. But considering she might shoot herself in the head, I refused to put her in the role of the sun. I wanted to save the Insulidan phasmid for THE WORLD at first, but I am damn happy I let go of that thought. Especially since the story starts and begins with the fool anyway. SO YEAH. I love this stick bug.... I cannot describe it. After you go through this whole bleak game, filled with death, misery, failure and coldness you find this...walking wonder. And the soundtrack to this encapsulates it so well, too. The phasmid scene always fills me with so much happiness T_T
JUDGEMENT - Also one of the the cards that were pretty clear to me from the beginning. Trant looks pretty menacing here but I love it lol. I added a small Harry, because under the judging eyes of his colleagues, everyone would feel small. "The Fool has been reborn. His false, ego-self has been shed, allowing his radiant, true self to manifest." The radiance is debatable, but Harry definitely went through a lot of development in the past few days and hopefully he came out a better person. He isn't absolved of his past mistakes and further judged on those, rather he is judged on the things he did right. And I don't know, what I like about Harry in general is that he is an absolute fuckup but if you give a person the right support and faith in them to be better, they can. If you keep reminding people only of the things they've done wrong, you are taking their room to grow, by defining them as an irredeemable failure.
THE WORLD - "The Fool reenters the World, but this time with a more complete understanding. He has integrated all the disparate parts of himself and achieved wholeness. He has reached a new level of happiness and fulfillment." Well, what can I say. Our fool Harry started this journey full of ignorance but he opened his eyes to the mistakes of the past and learned from them, and is now hopefully ready to tackle life anew. And I love the last sentence of The Fool's story: This cycle is over, but, the Fool will never stop growing. Soon he will be ready to begin a new journey that will lead him to ever greater levels of understanding. While this chapter of his life is over, there'll be new stories to be told. Setbacks and more opportunities to grow, and only time will tell where his journey will lead him this time.
Thanks to everyone who followed me and Harry on this journey and read through my ramblings. Also thanks for all the lovely tags & comments, it was an absolute pleasure reading through these. <3 Much Love!
#disco elysium#klaasje amandou#trant heidelstam#insulidan phasmid#disco elysium fanart#harry dubois#tarot#tarot cards
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My Analysis of the Best Paired Endings in 3H (Part 2: Dimitri/Byleth)
Despite the popularity of some of Dimitri's M/M ships, he seemed to be a typical heterosexual man to me. However, his straightness was actually part of what made his character so interesting, ironically. He spent his youth absorbed in masculine activities like hunting, training, and practicing with the sword.
He was willing to TRY and take Sylvain's advice to pick up girls. But he was very inexperienced with women. Chivalry definitely promotes homoromantic social bonding among men. And perhaps because of that very male-dominated culture he grew up in, he deeply yearned for a relationship with a woman.
The tagline for the game was, "Sweet memories twisted by time's cruel hand". Dimitri's feelings for his stepsister may have been only puppy love, but it was his first time emotionally connecting with a girl. It was one of his sweetest memories. That was why Edelgard's betrayal hurt him so deeply. The emotional core of AM is Byleth taking the spot in Dimitri's heart that Edelgard once held.
The developers did not want to write an entirely different script just to accommodate male Byleth. So, they just took out the Goddess Tower scene, S-Support, and paired ending. The loss of which are a huge detriment to the integrity of the story. Dimileth is just as "canon" as its counterpart Edeleth. I don't even think AM's story or Dimitri's redemption make sense unless there was a romantic connection between those two. Dimitri's Goddess Tower event even foreshadows that specific scene, proving that the moment Byleth reached out her hand was written with romantic undertones.
Byleth being female is an integral part of the story of AM. If Byleth represented the divine masculine in CF, then it follows that she represented the divine feminine in AM. She was a vessel for the soul of the goddess, but more importantly she was a human who could directly intervene in the world and support people with her own flesh and blood.
Dimileth is often criticized for being a simple "fixing the bad boy" straight girl fantasy. But it's less cliche than people give it credit for. Byleth and Dimitri are an interesting blend of masculine and feminine qualities. Byleth is a silent protagonist, but I could tell that Dimitri enjoyed her dry sarcastic sense of humor. She was not a typical healer or pegasus knight like most FE love interests, but a deadly mercenary. She was meant to be similar to Glenn, which is why Felix sees her as his rival.
She serves the role of being Dimitri's sword and shield and stood at his side and protected him during the final battle, filling the knightly role Glenn would have if he had survived (and the role Felix serves in Hopes). She was the Seiros to his Wilhelm. Dimitri is one of the very few male characters that Byleth will give her mother's ring to when she proposes. Yes, it is a woman's ring that Dimitri wears. In fact, Dimitri's whole character arc is about rediscovering and embracing the softer feminine qualities he had as a young boy.
The Professor taught Dimitri how to live. In AG, Dimitri told Shez that from the moment he was born, he never felt like his life belonged to himself. He overworked himself because it was the only way he knew how to live. After Duscur he lost everyone, including his best friend, and his life belonged to their ghosts. The only time he could imagine being happy was upon his death, having devoted his life to forming a peaceful kingdom full of joyful citizens. He yearned for someone to stand by his side and give him a reason to live for himself.
I've seen many people online criticize Dimileth because they say Dimitri already had plenty of people that he was close to in his life and his non-Byleth relationships should have played the biggest role in his redemption. But I disagree. The story made it quite clear that Dimitri's support system was totally inadequate for his emotional needs and could not have pulled him from the abyss.
He was not actually all that close to his childhood friends, even before the Tragedy of Duscur, and he did not confide in them about what he was feeling. He said Rodrigue was the only person outside the castle he was close to. Rodrigue obviously cared for him, but he had not seen Dimitri in two years prior to the academy. Dimitri and Dedue shared a very powerful bond. Losing Dedue was the cause of Dimitri’s initial descent into savagery. But Dedue still insisted on being his vassal instead of his friend and equal.
Felix was obligated to fill the role due to his bloodline, but he did not WANT to be the person Dimitri unburdened his heart to. He was constantly irritable and losing his patience in Azure Gleam. Glenn was one of the ghosts who shadowed Dimitri's every move. And Felix said that since Glenn's death, "his memory has followed me around like a shadow." He hated acting as his brother's replacement. In their AG A-Support, it seemed like he was pretending to like the idea of being the right-hand man because of how dependent Dimitri was on him. We see a direct parallel of that scene in AM where Dimitri is hallucinating in the chapel. While Felix certainly felt compassion for him, he was very eager to foist the role of confidant onto Byleth.
Without anyone to lean on, Dimitri acts pretty monstrous. For five years, he tortured and killed people brutally, as if they were not even human. He threatened to kill Randolph's friends and remove his eyeballs before killing him and we can probably assume that he actually did that sort of thing to his other victims. I related so well with Felix because I felt the exact same mix of disgust and pity towards him.
I didn't ship Dimileth because I self-inserted onto Byleth and I wanted to marry him. I just wanted Byleth to accept him. And I don't find it difficult to believe that she would. Because before she was the stand-in for the goddess, she was the Ashen Demon who cut people down with no emotion. She only began to smile when she started teaching his class. He offered his shoulder to lean on when she lost Jeralt, something the other two house leaders didn't do.
The main ideological conflict between Edelgard and Dimitri was how much they are willing to compromise and accept the unacceptable. Dimitri seemed to understand that Edelgard had legitimate issues with the Church of Seiros as well as the existing world order. But he thought that total destruction of that system would require too much sacrifice. It was an interesting moral quandary.
And honestly, there was no easy answer. In an ideal world, there would be no false religion and no such thing as nobility, period. Even most of the nobles in the cast would have been happier to just be regular people. AM certainly doesn't end in a utopia or anything (although it's less status quo than AG). It was about the characters compromising and making concessions with an inherently unjust system because perhaps taking innocent human life is wrong even if it's for a just cause.
The Crest of Blaiddyd is associated with Strength. The Strength Tarot card is the Major Arcana of inner strength. It represents mastering raw emotions in order to bring calm to yourself or a situation. Dimitri was born on the winter solstice making him a Sagittarius, which is a masculine fire sign symbolized by a centaur. The horse portion of the Sagittarius symbol is unruly, relentless, beastly, and strong. The human portion is wisdom-seeking and rational. Dimitri's character arc was about overcoming his anger and hatred and becoming the wise "Savior King" who could reach out his hand to his mortal enemy.
Byleth & Dimitri
The marriage of the newly appointed Archbishop, Byleth, and Dimitri, who officially ascended to the throne of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus, further delighted the people amidst the celebrations of the end of the war. Continuously seeking a better future for Fódlan, they pursued their ideals, gradually reforming the traditional political systems and the structure of the Church. They upheld their roles as leaders of the Church and the state, engaging in intense debates at times. However, when they went on long rides or hunting trips alone together, they wore not the faces of the Archbishop and the King, but those of an ordinary, loving couple.
JRPGs are known for "killing god". AM ends not with you destroying the church but becoming its leader. The people of Fódlan paid lip service to the goddess, but they actually revered Nemesis and the 10 Elites. So much so that Rhea had no choice but to refer to them as heroes and Crests as gifts from the goddess. Fódlan is a patriarchal land. Faerghus especially so.
With Fódlan unified under Faerghus, Byleth acts as the divine feminine force who will change that society from the inside out, just as she did her husband. Is rulership by a benevolent monarch and a matriarchal pope a good enough ending? Well, that's for the player to decide. But I found it to be the best ending, both for Fódlan and for Dimitri and Byleth themselves.
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Your top 5 favorite Chenford episodes and 5 worst Chenford episodes, because I love hearing everyone’s varying viewpoints, and yes— you walked right into it 😉
I knew this was going to be difficult, but holy crap, I didn't expect it to be that difficult! I’m glad you asked, though, because it was interesting to actually put my feelings about these episodes into words... and as it turns out, I have a lot of feelings and a lot of words. Buckle up, this is a long one!
Favorites:
2x11 Day of Death
I mean, do I really need to explain this one? It’s intense, it’s terrifying, it’s emotional, and the acting is phenomenal. I’ll never be over the fact that Tim dug her out of the ground with his bare hands and held her so tightly in the aftermath. Plus, Lucy is an absolute badass from start to finish. And then, of course, the ending scene is one of my all-time favorites. I could go on, but I think you get the point. This list is in chronological order, but if I had to actually put these in order, this episode would be #1.
4x09 Breakdown
I will forever love this episode because it digs into Tim’s backstory. Watching him slowly crumble as the episode progresses is just… I don’t want to say it’s amazing, because he’s in so much pain and it breaks my heart. But Eric acts the absolute hell out of this one, and we get a look into Tim’s childhood, which is such an integral part of who he is.
But also, this episode emphasizes the depth of the Chenford relationship and, in particular, how much Tim has come to trust Lucy. When she tells him he can’t do the interrogation, he hands it off to her immediately. No protest, no questions asked. This case is deeply personal to him and he trusts her with it unquestioningly.
And later, we see just how deeply he’s internalized Lucy’s slip of the tongue about the Tim tests, how that’s played into what is probably his greatest fear - that he’s anything like his father. But we also see him feeling safe enough with her to verbalize this fear. He’s as close to tears as we’ve ever seen him, and his walls are just completely gone. He’s so damn vulnerable with her, and I hate seeing him in this much pain but I love that we got this scene. And then, of course, the hug, which is my favorite of their hugs because we finally see Tim allow someone else to shoulder some of his burden.
5x01 Double Down
This is another one I probably don’t have to explain. I mean, literally everything about it is so great. We start with Lucy dreaming about their kiss and Tim being so discombobulated by it that he actually tells Angela what happened. We have the entire undercover portion in which very little is actually pretend. We have the hand hold and the completely unnecessary airplane bathroom kiss (which is so hot, oh my god; it’s definitely my favorite of their kisses). We have all the other touches (his hand on her thigh, his hands on her shoulders, her arms around his neck, I could go on). And while I’m glad they didn’t actually hook up, the fact that they both wanted it says more than any words ever could.
5x19 A Hole in the World
This is one of my favorite Rookie episodes ever, and I’ve written two fics based on this episode, so it’s possible that’s impacting my decision to place this one in the top five. But I also truly love the Chenford scenes in this one, for so many reasons. First off, I will never be over the fact that Tim got off work in the middle of the night and still came to Lucy’s apartment. And we get our first “babe” which makes me so giddy.
Jumping ahead to the ending, obviously it’s awful that Tim was forced to take a life, but I do appreciate that they didn’t blow past it. We see Tim being surprisingly vulnerable in Grey’s office, which really just shows how much his walls have come down. He’s still far softer with Lucy than anyone else, but overall he’s a little softer in general now and more in tune with his emotions. And then we get worried Lucy wanting so badly to be there for him and support him through this.
And lastly, we have the scene at the beginning that gives us the first little glimpse into the cracks that are forming in their relationship. Up to this point, they’ve been basking in the honeymoon period, but now for the first time we start to see how the long hours are wearing on Tim. We see how they’re struggling to balance their busy schedules and maintain the open communication that a relationship needs. And we see that their communication maybe isn’t quite so open. After all, Tim’s “we’ll figure it out” isn’t a solution. And while he’s supportive of Lucy’s efforts to make detective, we start to see signs that he’s struggling with her desire to work undercover. This sets up what will hopefully be some productive angst for these two in season 6 as they work through these issues, and I have no idea how it’s going to play out but I’m excited for the possibilities!
5x21 Going Under
I don't even know what to say about this one except just... the emotions. They're so flirty on the phone, but then shit hits the fan and it's so intense. Tim holding his breath until he sees Lucy is okay. Him being so shaken up that he nearly gets shot. Lucy calling him the moment she can. The way they cling to each other in the laundry room. The looks of concern on their faces. The hookup, of course. And once again, we see glimpses here of the issues they've been ignoring (though they do at least start to talk about it a little) and everything Tim, in particular, is suppressing. This episode tugs at my heartstrings in all the best ways.
Honorable Mentions
I know this wasn’t part of the original question, but I’m including it here because my final list of favorites turned out differently than I expected. It almost pains me to write all of this, because the episodes listed below have scenes that I absolutely love, but in the grand scheme of things, they just didn’t make the cut for a variety of reasons that I’ll do my best to explain.
1x20 Free Fall
There are so many things I love about this episode, but mostly it’s that it leaves both of them emotionally exposed. It’s the most vulnerable we’ve seen Tim with anyone other than Isabel, and we see Lucy trying her hardest to support him through the door and shedding a few tears in the process. This one was a definite contender for the top 5 but just didn't quite make it in.
2x02 The Night General
Obviously the last scene is the highlight of this episode (and is another one of my all-time favorite Chenford scenes). I really like all their scenes in this episode, though, from Lucy’s sassy editorialization of the book to their badass fight. But the audiobook scene is just… everything. I’m willing to bet no one has ever done something like that for Tim. You can see he’s just stunned in the aftermath and has no idea what to say. I remember the first time I watched it, just being amazed at the lengths Lucy would go to for him. He’s always been worth the effort for her, and I love that so much.
2x12 Now and Then
First off, I appreciate that they devoted an entire episode to Lucy’s recovery, because so many shows just move on as though nothing happened. DOD was such a traumatic event for Lucy (and, honestly, for Tim as well) and I’m glad we got to see the aftermath. We see Lucy struggling but we also see her begin to work through it with the love and support of the people around her. It's also really telling that the only person Lucy fully opens up to in this episode is Tim. She tells everyone else she's fine, but she allows herself to be vulnerable with him.
We also get some insight into how Tim is faring in the aftermath. We see his feelings of helplessness as he’s forced to let Nyla take the reins, and we see how much sadness and guilt he’s harboring when Lucy asks him for a time machine. And then finally, at the end, we see him figuring out how he can be there for her… by opening up about his own trauma and using what he’s learned to offer her a new perspective. And, of course, let’s not forget him tossing back the ring and the soft smiles on their faces as he does. This is another one of my all-time favorite Chenford scenes. It's just a great episode overall, and it was really hard for me to bump this one out of the top five.
4x01 Life and Death
While I initially thought 4x01 would make the top five, I ultimately couldn’t justify it due to the limited number of Chenford scenes. Other than the hug, they don’t actually interact that much. And don’t get me wrong, I love their hug. But I’ve always felt like there was a lack of follow-up to 3x14 and this episode. It’s clear they both feel something in those moments. It’s not clear what exactly they each are feeling, or how they’re feeling about those feelings, or why they never talk about it again. I know we all have our own headcanons about this, but I just feel like it could have benefited from some follow-up insights. Without that, in the grand scheme of things it feels like a false start for them.
4x22 Day in the Hole
I so badly wanted this one to make the top five because that kiss, and the scene leading up to it, and the aftermath - it’s all just so good. Every single time I watch it I’m laughing just as much as I’m flailing. They’re so uncomfortable, and then so lost in each other, and then so stunned, and then so awkwardly dorky in the aftermath. And I will never be over how many emotions Eric manages to convey in that 5-second long hallway scene. It’s all so masterfully written and acted. But ultimately, this episode as a whole just didn’t quite make the top five.
5x10 Hit List
There’s so much to love about this episode. I love that when Tim can't decide what to wear, he just calls her. I love that despite their nerves, as soon as she answers the phone it’s clear they’re still them. I love how jittery and utterly obvious they are at the station the next day. But not once does any of this impact their work. They remain calm and focused, and Tim absolutely owns that hostage situation. And then, of course, we have their second date and their first real kiss, which is just so soft and perfectly them.
The only reason this one didn’t make the cut is because the Tim and Aaron almost falling to their deaths storyline left a lot to be desired. There was so much potential there for fear or angst or really just anything other than, ultimately, a joke.
5x11 The Naked and the Dead
This is one of the most underrated episodes, I think because it’s caught between the Chenford goodness of 5x10 and 5x12. But I love it! For two people who claim to be taking it slow, they’re very much not. No, they’re not sleeping together. But they’re spending a lot of time together outside of work, and supporting each other in everything they do, and pretty effortlessly melding their lives together. And like Genny says, it’s clear why these two work so well together. We see that in action when Lucy notices Tim’s coaching style and learns why, and then just quietly steps in and takes on the role of co-coach. She doesn’t call Tim out, she doesn’t try to change his behavior. She just fills that role for him. It shows how well she knows him and understands his motivations and his fear of being anything like his father.
5x12 Death Notice
This episode really highlights the lengths to which these two will go for each other, and it’s just amazing. They always put each other first; it’s something neither of them have had before in a relationship, and I'm so glad they've finally found that with each other. And that final scene… I’ve watched it far more times than is probably healthy. It’s so fucking hot! I’m not entirely sure why, but I just couldn’t quite rationalize this one being in the top five either.
Least favorites:
Let me preface this by saying, overall I am happy with the trajectory of Chenford's relationship, and I try not to contribute to negative energy in the fandom. But no show is perfect, and this is just my opinion on the episodes I've never been a huge fan of.
1x05 The Roundup
This episode didn’t really bother me the first time around, but knowing what we now know about Tim, the way he treats Nell in this one is just… not good. I know that’s probably the point; he’s in a bad place, he’s desperate to feel closer to Isabel, which makes him desperate to win, so he bribes Nell. But never once after this episode have we seen Tim behave anything like this. Never once have we seen him hit on someone he isn’t interested in anyone. Hell, he’s usually the one getting hit on, and he never seems to know what to do about it (like… he’s so adorably awkward in those moments, and I love it). When I go back and rewatch the series now, I just cringe so much at these scenes with Nell. He literally says the words “I’m married” and then goes and flirts with her. Even with him basically at rock bottom, it just doesn’t seem in character.
4x07 Fire Fight
I’ve never liked this episode, for reasons that have nothing to do with Chenford (which is an essay I’ll have to write another day). But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I really don’t love the Chenford scenes either. While I thought the bet was fun in 4x06, in this episode it comes across as juvenile. Asking Grey to mediate, Tim complaining that it’s “not fair,” Lucy talking about the bet in the middle of a UC op. Not only are they being immature, but they’re not taking their job seriously when that’s something that both of them - but especially Tim - are always very cognizant of. And Tim never gives a reason for calling off the bet (though it could be because he’s realized it’s interfering with the job). It just… ends.
4x08 Hit and Run
It seems weird to put this one on this list when I just wrote an entire essay on 4x09 and why it’s a favorite of mine. But for as much as I love 4x09, I don't love the way we got there. I’ll preface this by saying, my opinion here is likely colored by my own personal experiences growing up with an emotionally abusive asshole of a father. So I might be more sensitive on this topic. But Lucy’s behavior in this episode really rubbed me the wrong way.
I understand what they were trying to accomplish: building out Tim’s backstory and Lucy being excited to meet his sister learn more about him. But her empathy toward Tim in this episode was just… gone. It’s not even the Tim Test line that bothers me so much, because it’s clear that one was just a slip of the tongue as she was trying to make sense of what she was learning. And she instantly realizes her mistake when she sees Tim’s face. It’s the rest of it that I have a problem with, because Lucy knows. She knows from 2x12 that Tim’s dad was abusive. And yet, she's empathetic toward Genny when she learns the man is dying while apparently just completely missing the fact that Tim absolutely does not want to talk about this or think about it or have anything to do with it. And she absolutely is overstepping at the end of the episode. If someone pushed me back toward my childhood trauma the way Lucy pushes Tim in this episode, I would be really upset.
Now, do I think Tim ultimately benefited from fixing his relationship with Genny? Yes. Do I think he benefited from finally getting some closure with his father in 4x09? Absolutely. Do I think it all could have been more carefully executed? Definitely. I know Lucy had his best interests at heart, but the lack of compassion shown toward Tim’s trauma in this episode is upsetting.
5x04 The Choice
This is also one of my least favorite episodes, and while I understand why the storyline had to be wrapped up quickly, it wasn’t wrapped up well. There were so many flaws (I’ll save my essay on that topic for another post as well), but it's the dynamic between Tim and Lucy that lands this one on the list. Rosalind and Caleb were traumatic for both of them, and that doesn’t get acknowledged here. In any other episode, Tim would have gently checked in with Lucy, probably more than once. I know things were still weird between them, but it doesn’t make sense to me that in this episode Tim can’t be bothered to ask how she’s doing or be more gentle with her at the end, yet in the very next episode he’s more concerned about her than himself. To me, 5x05 was proof that no matter what went down between them, they still care deeply about each other. That was completely missing from 5x04.
@theflyindutchwoman wrote more about this episode recently as well, and it’s like she took the thoughts right out of my head. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
5x06 The Reckoning
This may be a controversial choice, but I don’t love the whole radio gag. Once again, to me this just feels like we’ve taken a step backwards. Tim thinking Lucy is doing it to punish him for how he treated her as a rookie, as if that wasn’t almost a year and a half ago? Makes no sense. And I know she was doing it to distract him, which… fine. But “I might be able to help you look for your radio if you tell me what’s going on.” No. Lucy knows Tim well enough to know that forcing him to talk doesn’t work. He talks when he feels comfortable and safe, not when he feels pressured. It’s why he ultimately opens up to her at the end of the episode, once she stops playing games and expresses genuine concern.
Phew! If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading my ramblings, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on my choices. Also, you should go read @queseraone and @roguetwelve’s answers to these same questions because it’s super interesting to see everyone’s thoughts!
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BNHA 406 Review!! SPOILERS AHEAD
Love to see her again, resisting the pain and injures. And she really integrated the idea of Izuku as a hero...remembering him by his actual name, as it was the only thing left in this world...It's kind of endearing.
You're prettier every time I see you, Shiggy. That's not fair.
And this little guy over here is gorgeous every chapter too. But he's so haggard. There are probably so many emotions buttling up inside him...(I don't know how to interpret his panels anymore)
I really want to know what's up with this hole in his hand. Shiggy obteined it way back at PLF war, but I still don't understand where it came from. That's from AFO's quirk, right? With that hole is that he and AFO steals quirks from others?
Funny to see you trying to convince yourself of a lie. Try harder, Shigaraki.
That's the face of a maniac. A guy who's laughing at his own pain, a guy who's hitting on the pavement, flying in an insaly high speed...I love him.
Your face is so pretty Mitsuki. I hate you...but you're so pretty.
So it's canon?? IT'S CANON THAT AFO KILLED HIS OWN BROTHER!?! I'm not going to lie: I always supported the idea of 2nd user being the one who actually killed Yoichi...as a way of saving his life because AFO would take him capture again AND also as a way of not letting AFO win with the sweet achievement of getting rid of his own brother...but now that it's canon that AFO killed Yoichi...I like it. Love to know it... Some really good angst there. And now we can most likely say that AFO was crying because of that.
I like this part, right here.
AFO is a narcissistic who does not respect nor see other people besides him. So the simple idea of him actually recognizing someone as a person, like he does with Izuku, All Might or Tomura, is a big deal, but then...the idea of him recognizing someone as a threat...That's HUGE!! EXTRAORDINARY!! UNTHINKABLE!!
Wait, that's 2nd holder's name?? THAT'S 2ND HOLDER ACTUAL NAME??!! I've been...ages...wanting to know what is his true name...And...I accept it. If that's canon, I'm going to embrace it as it is, as the new information we got...But I don't like it. Sorry, but kUdO as his name??!! Could it not be another one?!? There were not other options??! I only like the fact that it starts with a K, similar to K-atsuki. (And how do we mix it with Yoichi's?? How is that even possible?? Kudoichi?? Yodo??).
I don't like that paraphrase of this sentence but the concept it's undertandable.
Good chapter. I was getting impatient, and also the idea of 'Kacchan Bakugo' was getting on my nerves. But now: I'm good.
#yoichi shigaraki#bnha manga spoilers#bnha 406#katsuki bakugou#all for one#2nd user#midoriya izuku#mitsuki bakugou#shigaraki tomura#shigAFO#Kudo?#Kudoichi??#lady nagant#bnha#mha#second one for all holder
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In my mind, I've always considered Scully to have a difficult relationship with desire. She feels it--deeply, intensely--but she feels it's too revealing to own up to. The greater she desires someone, the harder it is to confess to this out loud/publicly. It feels incredibly intimate, almost too exposing to bear. What are your thoughts on this? How would you describe her relationship with desire?
ohhh! i love this question, it's something i think about a lot. i don't think i quite have a clear cut answer. i agree completely with what you say. scully feels very deeply and that definitely extends to desire and love, which is something i have a hard time integrating with her religion.
scully believes in god but she drifts from it & the church throughout the series and goes back to it, it's a pretty consistent thing she experiences. and something i've always loved about her faith is how private & personal it is to her. she wears her cross because maggie gave it to her. sometimes i think of it as something she bears. but she does believe, it's just still hard for her.
now, i'm not religious, i didn't grow up religious. but my wife did and so did one of my friends. and their experiences are wildly different. there are some sects where you do not question god, the bible, the church. but there are others where they encourage, to really learn it & understand it and build a relationship with god (to my very small understanding??) and i imagine scully was allowed to question. she talks about prayer as a conversation with god, and just. the way she lives i don't think her belief of/in god aligns with the church and is part of her drifting from the church and fighting it at different points. (all this basically to say, i don't think she sees any of it as sin or against her beliefs/religion.)
and openly expressing it, i feel a lot of it is tied to knowing where the other person stands and her insecurities. like she can show mulder such love & care in specific ways (the doctoring, the support she gives him in demons, etc) and even ask him to get out of the car (their odd little communications lol) but taking the leap? it scares her. giving herself completely is terrifying to her, especially when she's already given so much of herself. i think it's actually very consuming to her and the breadth of it is what scares her, what she's capable of.
like the closest she gets with mulder is detour and he ran, and she never does something so overt again. but with jerse, she didn't have a problem. she wasn't looking for something lasting. there was desire, and rebellion. but not love, not something deep or life changing. even with daniel, she might have been able to fall back into something with him but ... that would have been "easy" and scully doesn't choose the easy thing. she chooses mulder and the x files every time. her experience with daniel in all things is what helps her come to terms with her choices & desires.
i always come back to scully's "always the strong one" and she hides her vulnerability. i think of mulder as her conduit for vulnerability & compassion. because she cares as much as he does but she keeps it locked up, private as much as she possibly can. she loves her family but she doesn't confide in them about big important things (mulder is the one who calls maggie when she has cancer & decides to get treatment, wetwired was an anomaly of her extreme paranoia toward mulder aka the only person she trusts).
so i just find it very hard to unravel with scully. it's something so layered and kind of contradictory. but it's also so clearly intense & deep. when they're finally together and mulder is abducted, the depth of her pain can't be hidden. she rails at doggett but sobs in his arms. skinner feels incredible guilt for having lost mulder, cries when he tells scully, fights for what he knows to be the truth and scully pulls him back just by gently touching his arm. in season nine, she writes with such beautiful heartfelt intensity, no one has any doubt of what mulder is to her. she reaches a point that it doesn't matter what people know or don't know, she can no longer contain it in that tiny body of hers. after all things (and even before that, in smaller but still very noticeable ways) it pours out of her.
and actually, this made me think about emily. when she talks about holding people at a distance because she is so aware of death & loss that connection almost seems fruitless. i think we talk a lot about how mulder can't lose scully, but it's equally true for scully. the idea of loving him completely and losing him crushes her. and we get to see her without him in s8&9 and she really is barely holding it together. i genuinely think the only thing that kept her going was william and the minuscule possibility that he would come back. be returned to her like she was to him. she had to believe that would happen because the alternative was too scary to believe. and then she still had to go through his death. she had to bury him while carrying his child. (and she already had gotten a taste of losing him in field trip, and she completely lost it in her hallucinations too, before they were ever "really" together.)
i don't know what exactly i mean by all of this. but i don't think it's desire she really struggles with, i think it's her intensity. the lengths she'll go to because of it. what she's capable of because of it. the possibility of loss she can't bear and doesn't want to burden someone else with either. but it's something she can't walk away from, can't abandon when it's expressed to her or it's her "only" chance.
#dana scully#the x files#mulder and scully#msr#mine#asks#thescullyphile#i literally don't know how to answer questions#but thank you soooooo much for thinking of me and letting me babble
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Why I can't help but always romance Persephone in Stray Gods
1 - Prickly on the outside, soft on the inside personality trope
This is probably the biggest reason because it's also probably my most favourite personality type of all when it comes to fictional characters. I am so very weak for ladies who kick ass and look scary but are secretly huge sweethearts. And Persephone is this trope to a T. Sure, she's big and scary, no one can deny that. But she can also be so sweet. She helped Calliope when she left Olympus, she saved Chastity from her abusive husband, she takes to mentoring/helping Grace so quickly, she is happy to help Medusa if Grace offers her help and even goes as far as admitting that this help was long overdue (something Apollo never does by the way). These are just some instances we become privy to during the game.
I'm absolutely sure there are more times when she was secretly kind, especially to people who needed help but had no one in their corner. Because while her personal philosophy is that no one else can help you keep your head afloat (born out of her own experiences no doubt) she's shown to actively be giving advice to and helping Grace as well as genuinely worrying about her safety and doing what she can to keep her safe. She's also obviously remorseful for not having been able to exact the change Calliope wanted so badly after becoming part of the Chorus and sympathetic about Freddie's fate. She cares and she cares deeply. She simply does her best not to show it because experience has taught her that others don't tolerate her being weak or deign to offer her sympathy no matter how dire the situation she is in. This naturally leads to:
2 - A character who is all alone and without a supportive system but refuses to give up
This is sort of a subsection of the prickly on the outside, soft on the inside trope, I know, but I cannot help but love characters who have had a traumatizing past and been forced to deal with it on their own. I always, ALWAYS want to be in their corner and if they happen to be ladies I never fail to fall in love with them. I find it absolutely amazing that anyone can preserve their integrity and remain kind after being hurt so badly both in fiction and in real life if I'm honest. To me these are the real heroes - people who have been hurt but refuse to let that hurt turn them into monsters. If there is a character like that in any media I partake in, no other characters stand a chance. Not really.
3 - Mary Elizabeth McGlynn's voice
In reality this is actually pretty much tied with numbers 1 and 2 but I had to keep some semblance of order so here we go.
I am very much someone who has always and forever been weak for beautiful voices. And out of the whole VA cast giving life to the LIs it's Mary Elizabeth McGlynn's voice that never fails to make me swoon or give me chills. She's so very good at what she does this woman. Her delivery is flawless both when it comes to her spoken and sung lines. I can physically feel Persephone's pain when she asks Grace "Please, don't do this." as well as her anger and bitterness when she sings "I gutted a god." or says "The only god I killed deserved it." for example. This adds so much to the character for me, you have no idea. I cannot honestly say if I'd have loved Persephone so much if she had been voiced by a different actress. But the combination between tropes I love and her sublime voice created a perfect storm so now no one can even compete with Persephone. Not even Freddie. And I love Freddie. She's just not Persephone. I'm sorry.
4 - Persephone's design
I love Persephone's design so damn much! I can't decide what I love most - her badass haircut, her cool tattoos, her slightly weird but somehow totally working for her outfit, her make-up that suits her perfectly, the colour of her hair and eyes or her androgynous look. Everything comes together flawlessly and creates one total and extremely gorgeous package. I don't know who worked on her design, but bless them, they really knew what they were doing.
The amount of screenshots of Persephone I have is obscene and I keep taking more because I simply cannot get enough of how stunning she is. Even when I was replaying to romance Freddie, Apollo and Pan I still kept taking screenshots of Persephone and being distracted whenever she was in the frame because her look is just so... I am running out of adjectives meaning "beautiful" here... Let's go with alluring.
The way she looks just does things to me I can't even begin to describe. I might be ace but even I can tell when someone is objectively hot and Persephone is scorching. Aesthetic attraction is huge for me and I guess her looks hit all the right buttons because I can't help staring at her and going "Wow!" pretty much all the time. Basically this screenshot of Grace is me every time I look at Persephone:
And speaking of that, one thing I have found I am particularly weak for when it comes to her design is the way she looks when she's drawn in profile. I don't know what exactly it is about her profile but I just melt every time I see it. It really did not help that this was part of her introduction to us in game:
How was I expected to pay attention to anyone else after that?!
I have a whole collection of screenshots of Persephone in profile that I should post alongside this to reinforce my point but again - the way she looks does something to me and I apologize to everyone else but I cannot possibly pay any attention to them when I have this in front of me. I'm only human...
#stray gods#stray gods: the roleplaying musical#stray gods persephone#persephone my love#i adore you#no one else has the same effect as you on me#nad talks about the things she loves#long post
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🐞 Big and young brother 🍂
Red already knew Silver but I feel like they didn't talk that much because Silver is not the best when it comes to meet new people, maybe in the past when they first met he only said 'hi' and knew things about Red from Green when she talked about him and Blue. In the other hand I believe that when Red first met Silver didn't try to bother him because Silver seemed too shy so he only tried to be nice and be there if he needed someone, he didn't want to let him behind so he always tried to keep an eye on him and keel him integrated into the group.
But at some point It was going to be inevitable that Red has to talk with Maroon years later about all the Giovanni thing since she can't keep that as a secret from him forever, even less after so many years she finally finds out that Silver was her baby too in some way.
I believe that at first for Silver it was kinda uncormfortable, after all he wasn't used to having a FAMILY (at least a complete and good one), all he had in the past was Pryce, Lance and Green and to be honest, the only one that really care deeply about him was Green who is like a sister to him, they support each other through the years too they didn't have anyone until Green finds her parents and Silver well... That's the other thing, when he finds out that Maroon was going to marry his father many years ago and was the one to take care of him before the ice mask thing... It was sureal, and in the other hand, Red being his brother now... I think Silver felt bad for all the things Giovanni made, especially the things he did to Red in the past because he was now living with him and it was kinda awkward for him to be now in thay situation if you know what I mean (my father tried to kill you haha).
Now on Red's side, I know Red after knowing all Maroon's past, all the things that happened and everything, he felt overwhelmed and It makes sense, too much things his mom was keeping in secret from him for so long would make him feel like that but It was a conversation both of them needed and Red knows that, and he really try to understand his mom, no matter what he loves her with all his heart and she loves him too, that's why she didn't want to tell him all this before when he was too young, he knew that so he tried to be as supportive as he could. He was supportive when she decided to marry Clear because he loves to see her happy and if having her other son back in her life makes her happy then he is going to be there for her and for him, and knowing It was Silver I think he felt ankward at first too, he didn't want him to feel guilty for the things Giovanni did, Red only wanted to make him part of the family even if it was hard.
I believe that Red was super supportive with Silver, after all he is his little brother and he loves him with all his heart, maybe the first months were kinda awkward, Silver not used to so much love and attention and Red not sure how to have better communication but I think Crystal would help them a lot, she is like a sunshine I love that little baby too, I must make a post about her and Maroon tomorrow but now it's time to sleeo mimimi
#(☆) ｡.ﾟ— Red#(☆) ｡.ﾟ— Silver#(🍰) *.✧ — Maroon#long ramble but I tried to make it short I'm kinda tired#I still have so many things on my head#mostly situations between Silver and Red#like. imagine Silver and Red making a surprise for Maroon#like a surprise meal or something like that. the interactions and everything ouughh#I'm gonna cry no jokes#I love my bebes wiwiwi#pokespe#🖍️ — Silly doodles
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My Headcanon for Liminals
I've been having a lot of fun posting headcanons, and I'm starting to realize just how many I've built up over the years, so here's another one.
So I've stated before that part of the reason why Danny and Vlad are so different is because Danny was inside of a portal when it turned on whereas Vlad just got a face full of energized Ectoplasm and other assorted nastiness. The still human and already ghostly halves of Danny fused into a cohesive whole in order to survive the opening of the portal and continued supporting eachother. Vlad's human half forcibly integrated his resistant ghost half as it formed in an effort to survive. Rather than a cohesive whole, Vlad is two dischordant halves.
That said, I do not consider Vlad's state the default result of humans being exposed to ectoplasm.
Part of it is because the exposure was violent and his human body was so incredibly unwell that it made sense for the part of him with less emotional attachment to it to want to escape. This illness did not stem directly from the ectoplasm. We know this much because other people exposed to ectoplasm did not get ecto-acne, and figuring out the involvement of the cola was what allowed the Fentons to cure it.
Part of it is because Vlad has a superiority complex. This means that, in any given state, Vlad considers his current way of being superior. As a human, Vlad considers humanity superior. As a ghost, Vlad considers ghosts superior. This leads to a whole lot of clash between the parts of his psyche which each consider the other half to be lesser. Combine this with the fact that each half despises the illness and associates the illness with the other half, and you get a whole lot of internal toxicity.
For the average person with ectoplasm exposure, there wouldn't be so much of a clash. They would take on some ghostly traits (more and more over time, with continued exposure) and maybe start doing some prep-work for ghosthood, but they wouldn't be trying to leave their human lives early. They probably won't have insane healing factors like Danny, but they won't be tearing themselves apart like Vlad either.
They're preparing for the afterlife, but they wouldn't be so eager to discard the human life they are still living. If you've ever had a favorite hoodie that you wore all the time until you loved it to pieces and it came apart at the seams, that's kind of the feeling. It's not the end of the world when you can't wear it anymore; you can wear other jackets when you're cold, but you want to hold onto it for as long as you can.
The more someone is exposed to ectoplasm (in terms of both frequency and amount), the more ghostly they will become over time.
A random person who just happens to live in Amity Park on the opposite side of town from Fenton Works and and was somehow never at the sight of a ghost fight, will probably just experience a slightly increased awareness of ghost-related stuff and perhaps a slightly smoother transition when their time comes.
Other kids at Casper high, who attend school with Danny every day and get caught up in ghost attacks sometimes will probably start to form the wispy beginings of their ghostly self. Sometimes you just catch a glimpse of what sort of ghost they are going to be. They may also develop some slight powers while still alive.
You look at Paulina carefully shaping and lacquering her nails into something both beautiful and dangerous, and for a split second you just know that, someday, she's going to be all claws and glittering scales and passionate pursuit of her goals. She will transcend the human form and shape herself into a work of art of her own design and a powerhouse none can deny. Then she turns to her friend and giggles over a funny story, and the moment passes; she's just another kid steadily making her way to adulthood.
She's just another kid until some jerk at the mall oggles her a little too blatantly and her jewelry flashes brighter than the lighting should allow, blinding him so that he trips into a fountain, and Paulina smugly watches him sputter before turning to walk away with a satisfied spring in her step.
Sam and Tucker, Who hang out with Danny every day and frequently explore the ghost zone with him, will start forming more of the foundation of their ghostly selves and probably develop more powers sooner. They are more likely to develop to a point of being able to take on a ghostly form while still alive.
Typically, a halfa formed through extreme, prolonged exposure like this would have a bit of separation between their human and ghostly halves, but without much discord between the two. However, with Sam and Tucker spending so much time around Danny during their formative period (and having so much less contact with any other ghost than with him), it's entirely possible that they would subconsciously learn the integrated system approach, in much the same way people pick up habits of speech from the people around them.
#Danny phantom#headcanon#ghost biology#liminal biology#Sam Manson#Tucker Foley#Paulina Sanchez#I did not set out to set Paulina on the track to become a beautiful eldritch entity#She saw what I was typing about liminals and told me in no uncertain terms what she would be doing#She just started planning her afterlife right in the middle of my headcanon#I would have expected her to become a humanoid ghost#Apparently that's not what she wants#Paulina is going to become some kind of#Ethereally beautiful and incredibly powerful creature#She will not be taking criticism on this#She may choose to accept worship upon attaining her true form#It will be awe-inspiring#I'm not going to argue with her#If you want to try and stop her#I'll be watching from a safe distance
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We just got out of a call with our mother, and... I'm not going to diagnose her with anything, but viewing her behavior through the lens of her having distinct dissociated parts of self really helps us better understand her. And the more we interact with her, the more we see signs of that: how one moment she remembers the things we told her months ago, the next her attitude has completely changed and she'll say "what thing? you never mentioned that before to me in my life!"
And just.... it hurts. It fucking hurts so much.
That woman is not just an evil, manipulative, abusive bitch who hurt me time and time again as a child. Now that I'm more integrated I actually can remember moments where my mother was nice and kind and patient with me. And this past phone call with her was exactly that: she was willing to hear me out and offered me a lot of aid and help and even wisdom for what I'm going through. And I realized, fuck, that's Nice Mother, isn't it? I never, ever deal with Nice Mother. That's always been Gray's thing.
No, what usually happened throughout my childhood and even my adulthood was that we would hope for Nice Mother to be the one to talk to us, or even Airhead Mother or Work Mother, and sometimes we would be greeted with a mature, level-headed version of our mother. But sometimes, she would suddenly change and go from understanding and patient to cruel and paranoid in what seemed to be a flip of a switch. And in those moments, I'd have to step in to do some form of damage control... so of course I never met Nice Mother. I have only ever known Angry Mother.
And now that I've met Nice Mother, how the fuck am I supposed to reconcile that these are the same person? That this woman who has caused me so much pain and grief for almost 30 years of my life is also the same woman who hugged me and told me that she'd do whatever is in her power to help me through the toughest times? How do I stop being so jealous of the other versions of me, who likely arose to handle the other versions of her, for having essentially a different mother from me despite those mothers all being the same person?
I'm so, so angry that I was never given the opportunity to feel loved and supported by her. The other parts of me have, but what about me? I've only ever had a cruel mother. But they... of course they had a kind mother. Because I kept them from the cruel mother. But I deserve to have a kind mother too.
Fuck, I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm typing all this as I'm bawling my eyes out. I just need somewhere to type it all out and get some thoughts in order.
#actually did#actuallydid#personal#by green#do not rb#but you're free to dm me or reply to this for whatever reason you may want to
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I think the "she wanted to be bejeweled and he didn't want that level of attention" thing is important, but I feel like we should really talk more about what she revealed in renegade.
I mean, have you seen the message in the new TTPD cover? "you don't get to tell me about sad"
combine that with "if your cascade ocean wave blues come", "I love you it's ruining my life", "is it insensitive for me to say get your shit together?", "is it really your anxiety who stops you from giving me everything", "do something, say something, lose something, risk something", "my boy only breaks his favorite toys"...
dude I see soooo much talk about the "she changed, he didn't", the fame thing etc... and don't get me wrong, that's nice too, it's just that I think this whole new album is gonna focus on their mental health: the fact that she felt she had to be "the bravest soldier" and bare so much of the emotional weight of the relationship because he was the one who struggled the most with anxiety and depression (but then she felt like her struggles weren't dealt with by him). I think she felt like he wasn't seeing through his pain the way she was feeling. I don't like her and I'm also one of joe's defense attorneys but let's think about it.
do we think she was depressed af during a lot of the relationship? or maybe she just stopped understanding him through his mental health struggles? what is joe anxious about that stopped him from giving her everything? what is "everything"? I think she's going to say on the album something along the lines of "the people who don't know you very well must really think your integrity is immaculate/you're such a perfect gentleman around everyone but you're neglecting the ones closer to you"; "I'm the one who puts you first and would do everything for you but you don't notice it"; "you look at everyone with so much admiration and when you look at me I feel like nothing"; "you're your best version to everyone else and I feel like a burden and can't even complain about my struggles because (a) you don't see them and (b) my brand already demand a lot from you.
I don't mean to say she's right or she's the victim (I hate her guts), but I do think this is what's coming, guys. what do you think?
What I will say is this- he supported her so much at the beginning of the relationship and never complained. Yes maybe he struggled a lot with his mental health- and I think he realized she was a big part of that. That’s why he couldn’t give her everything and why he checked out.
Lyrics like that are definitely coming and here’s the thing- it doesn’t make Joe a bad person. It just means he’s not what she needs. Joe could probably be very caring but he was struggling like she was in the beginning. That’s really what makes this so sad-he stuck by her at her worse but she wrote about him in his worst times and made hurtful comments through her songs.
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i had a much longer post in my drafts but ive always felt like margo has some form of complex trauma or the like . feel free to disagree but ive just read a lot about it and thought it was an interesting interpretation
piggybacking off of @/phoenixinthefiles' post btw lol
tw for mentions of dissociation domestic violence etc
being chronically online (for lack of a better phrase) can actually be a form of dissociation especially for people with c ptsd and related problems . it's a form of escaping the violence of her household and DV can actually cause the development of c ptsd when it's persistent in early childhood
she also presents herself through a digital avatar and puts a lot of effort into her identity in this way. she wants to control how she presents herself and is perceived . she wants to fit in as much as she can and seem "normal" as many people with cptsd do by concealing their thoughts and feelings and even (harmlessly) lying about their lives to others. though she changes her hair a lot for fun i feel like it's a part of her need to distance herself from her real life. again why she's so panicked when she thinks they can hear her parents arguing in the background
the fact that nobody but the viewer can see her behind the avatar also quite clearly shows this. i found her hair is usually in buns either up or down and when it's down it's more similar to her real life hair style and the situation is more serious . the only other character that might be able to see into her true self (even though it's like a second) is miles when their spider senses sync up
the way she's """used""" by the spider society as well for her tech ... (the go home machine is operated by her) she wants to belong in the spider society, kind of like gwen does in the sense that shes vulnerable? her friends are in the spider society and it's supposed to be cool and fun and safe (as safe as it could be for a spider person lol) and i think it's an integral part of her character when she lets miles escape because she's breaking out of that despite her attachment to the society ... anyways love margo fav supporting character of all time
i might just be talking rubbish and overanalyzing lol but what do u think !!!
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I know you don't like vague prompts but if you have literally any headcanons for TFP Soundwave I would love to see them
Don't you worry dear anon! I always have some Soundwave thoughts kicking around in my brain, especially since earthspark's release. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!
Soundwave is a Dad
He is not like Optimus in that he spontaneously adopts everything small, unattended, and with a pulse. But he does care very deeply about his cassettes. No one, not even Megatron is allowed to harm his charges. He will gladly put an end to anyone foolish enough to try.
His cassettes have been with him since the days long before the war, they are family and the closest he has to children. He will go to any lengths to ensure their health and happiness.
Ravage
Ravage was the first cassette that Soundwave acquired.
The minicon was given to him shortly after his emergence from the well, and while it took a great deal of time for them to warm up to each other, they bonded over their shared circumstances.
They suffered greatly having to spy on the Quintessions while also appeasing the Cybertronian senate.
But they supported each other throughout it all, even when it was difficult.
Because of this and due to having spent so many millennia together, they do not need to speak to communicate.
Instead they often comfort and communicate through touches and actions.
Soundwave will hold Ravage as he goes about his business on the nemesis and Ravage will in turn keep Soundwave from falling too far into his dark thoughts with chuffs or a swat of his tail.
Sometimes they will simply sit together in silence watching the surveillance cameras littered around the nemesis.
Other times they will share energon and discuss old times.
It doesn't really matter what they do so long as they are together.
Their bond is unique, being less of a father-son bond and more of a brotherly one due to the trials they faced together.
Nonetheless, they are family, and Soundwave does what he can to keep his first cassette away from the less savory parts of life on the nemesis (Namely Megatron).
Lazerbeak
Lazerbeak was Soundwave's second cassette, and she is by far one of the most spoiled.
Soundwave saved her from being integrated into the army as an expendable by demanding the senate give her to him in order to improve his efficiency.
Safe to say she was not pleased with being passed around like a tool or interesting toy.
For a long time she fought Soundwave at every turn, purposefully defying orders, making mistakes, and generally being a nuisance.
But Soundwave was patient, and with the help of Ravage he eventually won her trust.
Since then she has been incredibly loyal and affectionate, often bring Soundwave little things and rubbing up against him for loves when there are no prying eyes.
Soundwave in turn spoils her rotten.
If Lazerbeak wants something, there is a 50/50 chance that is will find its way to her perch at some point.
Soundwave always has a stash of her favorite energon goodies hidden in his quarters and on his person at any given moment. And he will readily hand them out if she completes even the most minor of tasks.
Lazerbeak adores the attention and practically preens whenever Soundwave tells her she has done a good job.
They really are a father daughter duo.
Frenzy
Picked up from an illegal gladiatorial ring, Frenzy had more than a few bad habits.
He was overly aggressive, homicidal, and highly resistant to all of Soundwave's attempts to gain his trust.
But being the third cassette to be collected he was not alone, the other cassettes played a big role in helping Frenzy see the Soundwave was a good mech.
Eventually he eased up and began to rely heavily on Soundwave for his mental health.
Even millennia after collecting Frenzy, Soundwave still treats him the same as he always has.
When Frenzy gets too hyped and aggressive Soundwave will pull him aside and have him expend all of his anger through sparring.
Afterwards he will hold him and play a few soft songs while Frenzy finishes calming down.
Other times when Frenzy is having a mental breakdown or a bad day in general, Soundwave will let all his other cassettes out and they will spend time together until Frenzy is himself again.
Their activities are always quiet, but it is something Frenzy greatly appreciates.
Frenzy knows that he has problems and can be a lot to deal with at times, this can make him afraid that Soundwave will get rid of him after an outburst.
However these fears are always pushed aside by the comforting touches and soothing field of Soundwave who always knows when his adopted son is in need of love.
Rumble
Rumble was a bit of a package deal in that he was acquired shortly after Frenzy from the same illegal gladiatorial ring.
He and Frenzy bonded over the years and became practically joined at the hip. This in turn meant that he warmed up to Soundwave around the same time as his partner.
Where Frenzy was wild, Rumble was sly, where Frenzy was aggressive, Rumble was coy.
Rumble learned to hide his feelings behind a mask of pride and immovable ego.
And so Soundwave learned to approach Rumble in a way that did not scare him while still managing to slip past his mask.
Soundwave will play along with Rumble's tough guy persona but will offer him all the kindness and love in the world in a manner that does not go against Rumble's act.
PDA is a big nope when it comes to Rumble, so instead Soundwave will do things quietly.
Some energon goodies being left in Rumble's frequented spots, a light pat or compliment when no one else is around, and perhaps a cuddle or two during recharge if Rumble is having bad night are all common ways for them to interact.
Rumble's favored reading material is always left somewhere in Soundwave's personal spaces so that he can have and excuse to be near him without breaking character.
And on the odd occasion where Rumble does let his mask slip due to trauma or fear, Soundwave is always there to hold him close and whisper sweet nothings until he calms down again.
All of his children have issues, but Soundwave loves them anyway, and they love him in return.
#maccadam#transformers ideas#transformers prime#transformers#tfp soundwave#ravage#lazerbeak#rumble and frenzy#soundwave is a dad and he loves his mentally scarred children#touch his kids and he will end you
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