#BUT IT'S BEEN SO LONG URGHHH
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Too Small To Be Afraid (Chapter 14)
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I stare at my deskmate's hand, dumbfounded. What is he expecting me to do, exactly?
"Well, come on!" Derrick says with a smile. "What are you waiting for?"
"Well, I, um..." I cock my head to the side, as if that would help me have a better understanding of the sight in front of me. "I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do."
"What do you mean?" My deskmate chuckles. "Haven't you ever walked onto someone's hand before?"
I slowly lift my head to peek up at my deskmate, and rub my arm as I shift my gaze back to the balcony floor. He really expects me to have done this?
Derrick frowns. "You haven't, have you?"
I shake my head. "No, I haven't. In fact... you're the only perthean who's ever held me before."
Derrick slowly retracts his hand from the balcony, his brows shifting upward. He blinks.
"What?" I ask.
"I... I don't know, it's just..." my deskmate says, looking down as he twiddles his thumbs. "I'm honored that you'd let me be the first perthean to hold you."
"It's not like I really had a choice, being forced to come to this school and all," I sigh. "You just happened to be the first that I couldn't avoid."
"You were forced to come to this school?" Derrick asks, his eyes widening.
"Yeah," I say with a shrug as Dad's lies about the move come to mind. "It's a long story."
"Well, whether you were forced to interact with me or not," Derrick says, tucking his arms by his sides and clenching his fists excitedly, "I'll do my best to live up to the honor of being the first perthean to hold you!"
I let out a nervous laugh. I didn't realize he'd be so excited to find this out.
"But anyway, once again returning to the matter at hand—my hand, that is," Derrick says.
My heart rate picks up again as Derrick moves his hand back towards the balcony. I don't stumble backwards this time, but I'm surprised that my insides are still churning at the sight of his nearing hand—especially since I was expecting it to approach.
The enormous leathery surface settles down before me, with each of its attached digits curling inward ever so slightly. I approach my deskmate's hand cautiously, as if it were a venus flytrap ready to snatch me up at a moment's notice.
"Now, you said you weren't sure what you were supposed to do?" Derrick asks.
I raise my foot and dangle it over my deskmate's hand, only to nearly lose my balance and stumble back onto the balcony. Do I really not know how to do this?
"I haven't the slightest clue. And besides, isn't this..." I sigh, biting down on my lip and rubbing the back of my neck. "You know, a little too casual?"
"Too casual?" Derrick blinks a few times and raises an eyebrow. "Kaylin, we are friends, right?"
"Of course!" I blurt out, quickly waving my hands. "I didn't mean to say we weren't! It's just that we've only used a formal form of handling etiquette up until this point, and... well..."
"Yes? What is it?"
"I... well... I don't really know how you expect me to get onto your hand. I guess that makes me pretty stupid, huh?" I say, hanging my head.
"You're not stupid. You just need a little guidance, that's all," Derrick says with a smile. "Now, there's something I want you to know. Because we're friends, I don't care how it is you manage to get onto my hand. You can run, crawl, jump, or fall into my hand and I wouldn't mind it in the slightest."
I look up at my deskmate, astounded. I thought any perthean would be particular about how a human gets onto their hand. He really doesn't care how I approach this?
"Generally speaking, though," Derrick says, "when a perthean offers you their hand this way, you're expected to respond like this."
Derrick lifts his other hand and moves it towards me, causing my muscles to immediately tense up. What's he doing now?! Is he going to grab me?!
I quickly back away from his hands until I'm flat against the wall. My heart, beating faster and faster, sinks deep in my chest. As my knees buckle beneath me, I find myself slumping against the wall, it being the only thing left holding me up. Derrick's eyes widen, and he immediately retracts both of his hands.
"Hey," he whispers. "Kaylin, are you—"
I slide down the wall until I'm sitting on the balcony floor. I hide my head behind my knees and wrap my arms around my legs. I shut my eyes tightly as they begin to tingle and glaze over, but hot tears manage to leak from them anyway.
"I can't do this, Derrick!" I sniffle. "I can't keep myself from fearing for my life whenever you reach for me! All I think about is...! Is...!"
With my head buried into my knees, my vision is completely black. My mind's eye, however, is painting pictures of the man from my nightmares. A tall, slim figure with a bit of a tan. Slightly muscular. Clean shaven with a small scar on his left cheek. He has dark brown hair and narrowed brown eyes. He wears a white t-shirt with a few dirt stains, and wrapping around his dark blue jeans at the hips is a black belt with a silver chain. Beneath him is a pair of dirty, beaten up white sneakers.
He seemed so unassuming when I first peered at him from the corner of that alleyway. I was so naive! I had no idea what he—no, what pertheans were capable of until—
"Kaylin," Derrick whispers. "I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. I know you're not ready to tell me what started your fear, and I want you to know that's okay with me."
I sniffle again, and with shaking hands, I wipe the tears from my eyes before reluctantly looking up at my deskmate. His blue eyes are soft with compassion, and his brows are upturned in sympathy.
"Since you were forced to come to this school, you didn't get to choose whether or not you wanted to trust me. So now, I want to ask you..." his voice trails off, and he shifts his gaze to the ground. He takes a deep breath in and out before looking back at me. "Will you make the choice now?"
My lip trembles as I sit up in my spot against the wall. "Make... the choice?" I manage, my voice cracking.
Derrick keeps his eyes fixated on me and slowly lifts his left hand towards me. His index finger is bent to the side, as if to initiate balcony etiquette. His hand passes the balcony railing, but doesn't come any closer to me. I stare at it, confused. What's he getting at?
"Kaylin, will you make the choice to trust me?"
My heart rocks against my chest and my legs begin to go numb. "How can I do that when I'm filled with so much fear?" I ask.
"Trust is an action. It's not something you feel, but rather something you choose to do in spite of your feelings." Derrick smiles softly, tilting his head to the side. "Will you trust me?"
I blink, slowly rising to my feet with trembling legs. The breeze picks up, blowing through my hair and giving me goose bumps from the chill. I hug myself tightly, partly because of the cold and partly because of the burning anxiety deep in my core. My pulse quickens, warning me to stay away from this perthean lest I get hurt—yet I find myself, for whatever reason, approaching the hand in front of me.
Derrick remains silent. I look back up at him, his smile still stretched from ear to ear. All at once, his eyes narrow, turning brown, and a scar appears over his left cheek. I slam my eyes shut, quickly sucking in a breath and blowing it out, before opening one eye to peek up at my deskmate. His blue eyes have returned to normal, and there's no scar on his cheek. I look back at his hand, cautiously tiptoeing towards it as my insides convulse and the world around me begins to spin.
Once I'm close enough, I reach a hand out towards my deskmate's index finger, only to pull it back towards myself out of uncertainty. Can I really do this? Can I really trust a perthean?
I place one hand on my deskmate's finger, and then another. I stand in place, breathless and at a loss for words. It takes all the strength I have left to look Derrick in the eyes.
"I will," I manage to say at last.
My deskmate sighs joyfully, and his eyes soften as if smiling themselves.
"Okay," he whispers.
Seeing the glee on Derrick's face gives me the courage to smile back at him. Now that I've made the choice to trust him, I can't help but wonder what comes next.
"Do you want to try walking onto my hand again?" he asks.
I recall the moment Derrick's hand approached me without warning, shivers running down my spine.
"Don't worry," he says. "I'll alert you before I reach for you from now on."
I nod, and Derrick lays his hand down palm side up on the balcony. I bite the inside of my cheek as my legs squirm beneath me, begging me to run away. I made the choice to trust Derrick, I'm not running away!
"Now, I was going to show you how humans are generally expected to react in response to an open palm. May I see your hand?" Derrick asks.
My heart skips a beat. What does he want my hand for? Still shaking where I stand, I gulp, and reluctantly offer up my right hand. I become lightheaded when Derrick takes my hand in between his fingertips. Closing my eyes, I attempt to steady my breathing. I've made my decision. I'm going to trust my deskmate.
Derrick leads me toward his open palm with a gentle tug, and places my hand on his thumb.
"There," he says, letting go of me. "Use my thumb as a support to get onto my hand."
My eyes widen as I gaze at the intricacies of his thumbprint—each curve and crevice forming a uniquely detailed pattern. I spread out my fingers. My hand doesn't even cover a fraction of the print, it's so... little. I stand there in awe, completely mesmerized by the sight in front of me as my cheeks become warmer and warmer.
"Is something wrong?" Derrick asks.
"N-no! Nothing's wrong!" I sputter, embarrassed that I'd been staring at my deskmate's thumbprint for so long.
I press down on Derrick's thumb with nearly all of my strength. It doesn't move an inch. I look toward the palm of his hand, and, using his thumb for support, I manage to lift one leg and plant it on the fleshy surface in front of me. I push off from Derrick's thumb and leap forward into his hand, only to trip on the squishy surface beneath my feet and fall flat on my face!
Derrick gasps. "Are you okay?"
I push against the skin beneath me and manage to get up onto my knees. I nod, my face completely red.
"We'll work on this," my deskmate says, lifting his hand from the balcony and closer to his chest.
"So, um..." I start, my gaze fixed on the palm I'm in. I'm interrupted, however, by a large finger lifting my head until my eyes meet Derrick's.
"Lesson two," Derrick says, "you should always try to look a perthean in the eyes when you speak to them. This makes it easier for us to hear you and perceive your emotions."
"O-oh, okay," I murmur, shivering.
Derrick smiles. "Now, what were you going to say?"
"Oh, I was just about to ask what happens now."
Derrick gazes off into the distance, his brows furrowed in thought. Did he not think he'd get this far?
"I was thinking we could just sit and talk for a while," he says, looking back at me.
"Talk?" I ask. "About what?"
"Anything," Derrick says, moving beside the balcony.
I sway from side to side in my deskmate's hand as he walks. I've gotten more accustomed to this with each passing school day, so I don't have to steady myself as much anymore. But when Derrick lowers himself to sit on the ground, I let out a yelp as the quick motion catches me completely off guard! My insides flip upside down, and I try my hardest to keep from losing my lunch.
"Sorry! Was that too quick?" Derrick asks.
"A little," I squeak, wondering what I've really gotten myself into by agreeing to meet back here with this guy.
"Sorry. I'll try to be more gentle," he says. "So... what do you want to talk about?"
"You're the one who wanted to meet back here in the first place. Shouldn't you be coming up with the ideas?" I ask.
I pick at my nails, keeping my gaze away from Derrick's. Once again, a large finger lifts my head until my eyes are locked with my deskmate's. I can't help but shudder as we glance at each other. Will I ever get used to the weight of his stare?
Derrick smiles reassuringly. "Alright," he says. "Let's talk about you."
My heart skips a beat as blood rushes to my cheeks. "What?! Why me?!" I ask.
"Hey, you said I should be the one coming up with the ideas!" Derrick laughs. "And besides... ever since we became deskmates, I've been curious to learn more about you."
I cross my arms and hang my head low to hide that I'm now blushing even harder. I've always hated talking about myself, it's so embarrassing! I'm not even that interesting!
"Come on," Derrick says, lifting me up to be eye level with him. "Can't you at least tell me a little bit about yourself?"
"I-I—" I stutter, trying to come up with any way to get myself out of this, only to sigh in defeat. "Okay."
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Once Derrick and I got to talking, the time flew by. I told him a bit about the move, and he was surprised to hear that Dad and I traveled nearly 900 roams from Maedri to Chancelor. That's about 15,000 miles, which would feel like around 18,000 roams for a perthean. He asked why we would move that far, and I filled him in on how Dad really wanted me to go to his old high school. Thinking through it all again, it really doesn't make much sense. But, then again, neither does my dad.
Derrick told me a little bit about himself, too. He told me he lives with both of his parents, and that he has an identical twin brother who is away for university on Erimathea. I asked why they weren't in the same stage for school if they were the same age, and he mentioned something about his brother being able to graduate early. He seemed a bit uncomfortable with the topic, though, so I didn't push it much.
Before we knew it, we'd been talking behind the school for well over an hour. The funny thing is, the longer I spent in Derrick's hands, the easier it became to talk to him. I found myself trembling less and less over time, and I was able to maintain eye contact for most of our conversation.
"With exposure and with time," I recall Dad saying, "things can get better."
I shake the memory away. Sure, this meet up with Derrick is helping, but it wasn't Dad's idea!
"Uh-oh," Derrick says, glancing at his phone. "It's nearly 5 o'clock."
I let out a gasp as my eyes widen with realization. Dad's going to be expecting me home any minute now! I don't want him wondering where I've been! How in the world would I explain Derrick trying to help me with my fear? I can already see the smile on Dad's face. I can already hear him telling me how he knew sending me to this school would be a good decision. I can't just let him win, can I?
"Do you have somewhere to be?" Derrick asks.
"I... well," I stammer, not sure how to explain my situation. "My dad's going to be expecting me any minute now, and it usually takes me over an hour to walk home from here!"
"Really? Do you live far from here?"
"I think it's a bit far from here," I say, trying to mentally calculate the distance based on how long my walk home usually is. "I live at the human apartment building on Seren Avenue."
Derrick blinks. "Are you serious?"
"W-what?" I ask, a shudder running down my spine.
"That's right around the corner from here! That's not far at all," Derrick chuckles.
"Well, for you it might not be, but—!"
"I know, I know," Derrick says. "It's twenty times the distance for you."
I rub my arm. "I just don't know how I'm going to explain this to my dad," I mutter. "If he finds out we met up because of my fear, or that we hung out at all... I feel like he's going to hold that over my head."
My deskmate hums, leaning back against the wall. "I might have an idea," he says with a smile, lifting me to his eyes.
"Y-you do?" I stutter, still not used to when he holds me close to his face like this.
"Are you ready for your next assignment?" he asks.
"That depends," I say, scooting back a little in his palm. "what is it?"
"Will you let me walk you home?" He asks. "In favor of taking another step towards overcoming your fear?"
"I-I don't know..."
"Come on! What do you have to lose?"
I look into my deskmate's round blue eyes. I can't tell if he's encouraging me or pleading with me at this point, but does my answer even matter? He already knows where I live, so he can take me home whether I want him to or not. I guess it's good that he's asking, but... is this really a good idea? What will people think of a boy walking a girl home? What if the perthean lobby receptionist at the apartment sees us and tries to strike up another conversation? What if she tells Dad a perthean boy walked his daughter home? What will Dad think of Derrick walking me home? Ugh, he'd probably be ecstatic to see me getting along with my deskmate...
I take a deep breath and let it out. "Okay," I say. What could really go wrong?
"Alright!" Derrick says cheerfully, leaning forward to stand up.
"P-please be careful!" I plead in fear of being knocked about.
"I will," he says, being surprisingly gentle as he rises to his feet. "Now, Seren... Seren... that would be this way."
I sway around in my deskmate's hand with each step he takes. I keep my head down to prevent myself from getting nauseous, but I can tell when Derrick rounds a few corners and ends up on the sidewalk beyond the school grounds.
"We're almost there," he says.
"What? We just left!"
"It's that white building, right? About three blocks down?" Derrick asks, pointing to a small building far off in the distance.
I remember seeing pictures of the outside of the apartment online, and I guess it sort of looks like the building my deskmate is pointing to, but I can't really tell from this distance.
"Even if that's the right place, it's still going to take you at least a half hour to get there from here," I assert.
"Watch me," Derrick says.
"You're not going to try running it, are you?!" I exclaim, a sudden panic taking over.
"What? No, of course not! I'm going to take it nice and steady. Just don't be surprised when we get there in about..." my deskmate says, squinting at the white building in the distance. "Five minutes."
"Ha! Right!" I roll my eyes at his ridiculous estimate. There's no way what would take me an hour and a half is going to take him any less than thirty minutes.
As Derrick begins to walk again, I peek up from his hand every once in a while to see how far we are from our destination. To my surprise, we're approaching it much faster than I first anticipated.
I keep to myself for the most part, until something strange lands in Derrick's palm. I blink a few times, uncertain of what it is I'm seeing. It's long, a bit rounded, and a lovely shade of light pink. I reach out and poke it first, to make sure it's not some kind of bug. When it doesn't fly away, I lean over and take it in my hands. It's soft to the touch, though a bit wrinkly. It almost feels like some kind of plant.
"Hey," I say, my focus shifting back to my deskmate. "Do you know what this is?"
Derrick stops for a moment and looks down at the pink object in my hands. He tilts his head to the side, inquisitively.
"I think it's a petal," he says.
"A petal? From what?" I ask, excitedly scanning the ground beneath me for any flowers. To my disappointment, I don't see any.
"From that tree," my deskmate answers, pointing above and behind me to a massive heap of pink blossoms swinging in the wind, connected together by dark, twisting branches to a thick trunk.
My eyes immediately widen when it comes into view. The big blossoms float about in the sky high above us, and little petals rain down all around like snowflakes. This is a sight I've only ever dreamt about or seen in movies before. I never thought I'd get to see something like this for myself! The sky lights in Maedri's undercity always depicted cherry blossoms around spring every year, and I thought that was a sight to behold! But now I'm seeing the real thing? Am I really awake right now?
As Derrick begins to walk again, I try peeking around him to continue looking at the tree. Given his size, however, this proves fruitless. I slump in his palm, saddened that I only got a few moments with such a beautiful part of nature.
Derrick stops again, looking down at my slouching figure. He backs up a bit, and, reaching up to the tree, tears off a tiny section of a branch covered in flowers. He examines it between his fingertips for a moment, and then hands it to me.
My cheeks redden, and I can't help but let a smile creep across my face. Although I quiver at the sight of Derrick's nearing hand, I take the branch.
"For me?" I ask, my voice trembling.
"Mhm," Derrick hums. "A souvenir."
My breathing picks up speed with my heart rate. "Th-thanks," I manage.
Now I really can't let Dad find out about all this. What would he think of a boy giving me flowers?! I'd throw them right out if not for how mesmerized I still am by the sight of that tree.
After a few more moments of walking, Derrick stops again.
"The Apartments at Seren," he says.
I look up from the flowers in my lap. "No way!" I exclaim, dumbfounded.
"Well," Derrick says, pointing, "that's what it says on the sign."
Sure enough, the sign reads the name of my apartment building. Derrick reaches for the door to enter the perthean lobby.
"Wait!" I shout, only to bite my lip at the realization that I was a little too loud. "Um... is it okay if you just drop me off outside? There's an undercity entrance on the side of the building."
"Wouldn't it be faster to just drop you off inside?" Derrick asks.
"Well, it's just that... my dad likes to talk to the receptionist in there, and I don't know how he'd react if he saw a guy walking me home. And giving me flowers."
"Oh! Don't worry, I understand," he says. "I'll just set you down right here, then."
Derrick gently lowers himself to the ground, and places the hand I'm in down on the sidewalk. I rise from my place in his palm, wobbling a little at first as I struggle to stand. Bookbag and blossoms secured, I carefully inch toward the edge of my deskmate's hand, one step at a time, and then leap off onto the sidewalk.
"I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" Derrick asks.
"On Firsday," I say.
"Oh, right," he says. "I'll see you on Firsday."
"Alright. Bye!" I say, sheepishly waving as I make my way toward the undercity entrance on the side of the apartment building.
As I'm walking, I have a sudden realization— I completely forgot to thank Derrick! I turn around, only to see him walking away from the apartment building.
"Hey!" I yell, but Derrick doesn't seem to hear me.
I huff. I don't want to seem rude! I run after Derrick, as fast as I can, until I'm right beside him on the ground.
"Hey! Derrick! Wait!" I shout, hoping he'll hear me.
"Huh?" Derrick looks down.
The glass that veiled my fear for only a moment shatters as I stand face to face with a tall, tall perthean. From the ground. My eyes widen. My insides contort into a knot, and the world begins to spin around me. My heart slams against my ribcage and my legs tremble beneath me, again begging me to run away. Just what do I think I'm doing?
"Kaylin? Is everything okay?" Derrick asks.
"I-I— I w... I wanted..." I stutter and stutter, fumbling over every word as I rack my brain for whatever it was I wanted to say.
Derrick must realize I'm struggling, so he kneels down closer to the ground. "Yes?" He asks.
"I-I... I wanted t-to... I wanted to thank you!" I say, crossing my arm over my chest and leaning forward. "For helping me, and walking me home."
"Oh!" Derrick smiles. "Don't mention it."
"O-okay! S-see you on Firsday," I stammer, all at once giving in to my quaking legs' pleas and running as fast as I can away from Derrick and toward the undercity entrance without looking back.
This fear just isn't going to quit, is it?
#too small to be afraid#tstba#perthea#giant/tiny#g/t#g/t writing#sorry this took so long aaaaaaa;;;#something recently blew a hole in my confidence in my writing abilities#so I'm not really confident about this chapter ahaa;;#I'm probably going to rewrite this chapter at some point to make it feel less like they're just standing around not doing anything#because that's kind of the overall vibe I still get :/#also Kaylin's fear feels repetitive in this chapter for some reason and dijashdiksadhfasd maybe I shouldn't post this yet#BUT IT'S BEEN SO LONG URGHHH#anyway#I hope you enjoy#feedback of any kind is always welcome as well since it helps me improve :3
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Blackarachnia has a nightmare.
Nightscream sees something scary.
Jetstorm realizes something worse is wrong.
Thrust is still hungry.
Rattrap points a gun at someone.
Someone crashes the party.
CHAPTER 8 OF THESE FORSAKEN FEW IS UP!
Guess who got sick and tired of looking at this thing. I think this is as good as I can get it without wanting to rip out my hair. BA can relate probably. Please, please let me know if ya'll see something weird or a broken link. I think I got all the big ones but if I reread this for a 10th time I think I might start eating someone.
#beast machines#boxy writes fanfic#THESE FORSAKEN FEW#FINALLY how long has it been? five months? bad.#work has been a nightmare and I've had no time to write so the next update also might be a little ways out.#i work for a college and its winter/spring semester time urghhh.
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girl help, selling your house and being a college student is not easy. ALSO having ocd while having people you don’t know (who you can’t even see), go into your room and walk around and touch shit, this is actually awful
#i’m being dramatic but UGHH#i haven’t gone to therapy in so long and someone presumably touched my chalk wall which meant there was random shit ALL OVER the bathroom#walls#door#and toilet#and now even though it’s been lysoled i don’t want to touch it#even though it was chalk from my chalk wall most likely#which i also don’t want random people to touch#like urghhh#and now my room doesn’t feel like my room and now it’s like i can feel all the germs from other people LMAO#idk if this makes sense#but it’s awful ajd usually i’m not like this bad about germs and my ocd is usually something else#but like maybe it’s because im so overwhelmed#i want this to be over so badly#like i guess logically my room is my safety bubble and i don’t have control of who/what/when goes in there#and it’s so nerve wracking#and i cant get a break from college#because i have to go home and hardcore clean and then wake up super early every single day for random people to go inside#ITS SO DAIKDJS#like it’s not that bad but it feels that bad like everything is just way too much lately#and ik im overreacting i just don’t know how to stop it lol#but i just feel dirty and to show i have to go into the room that’s currently giving me a panic attack lmao#it’s like i have no safe place to go anymore yknow#meg’s incoherent thoughts#tw vent#tw ocd
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i went to a rock n roll bar for the first time last night & idk why i haven't before . it was so cool to go into a bar & hear good music & see murals of iggy & kurt on the walls . they played love buzz which was cool, i don't think i've heard a song from bleach played in public before . they also had INCREDIBLE gluten free poutine it was genuinely probably the best poutine i've ever eaten . so, good night
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When anyone else gets sick in this family: aww poor baby :(
When I get sick: it's not that bad, you're in pain 'cos you lay down all day
#text_iris#Can you tell I'm frustrated to the point of tears??#'You've lain in bed all day!!' maybe 'cos being any semblance of upright makes me so dizzy I feel nausious????#My neck hurts and fuck OFF I know I've been immobile all day bUT I FEEL HORRID AND I CAN'T MOVE#I'm tired and in pain and I got a long work day ahead tomorrow and I just want to cry#I just hope I feel better tomorrow if not I'll have to warn my supervisor I am NOT at my full five#Like it's 'just' a head cold but I feel so awful and horrid and my brain hurts SO MUCH#Like ANY movement makes me dizzy and I keep wanting to just sleep and sleep and sleep#Noise is a PAIN and I can't complain about that either I have to 'get it together' oh sorry guys i'll just tell my brain to SHUT IT i guess#Urghhh my family is testing me#All I want is some nice head pats and sympathy (head pats are very nice they ease the pain a little) is that too much to ask??#Like fuck OFF with the 'it's just a cold' I fucking KNOW that but doesn't mean I'm not crying frustrated tears 'cos I'm in so much pain#It fucking HURTS and I just want it to STOP and it doesn't help to have my pain belittled and waved off#I just want to curl up in a ball and cry so I'm just gonna do that now and get some sleep#If I COULD mind you the sound downstairs is TOO FUCKING LOUD
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Heaven is not fit to house a love like you and I
Summary: your lifelong crush on your best friend Akemi’s best friend turned girlfriend is something you’ve learned to deal with.
heavy on the angst, yearning, and sadness/anger that comes with a love unrequited…
Akemi is beautiful. She’s pale and her lips are naturally pink, no need for any tinted lip palm, her eyelids naturally double lidded—you admire her openly. It’s the same way you regard your jealousy whenever Mizu is around too.
It’s been a lifelong thing: this love you hold. Insistent like a stream in the summer, constant like rivers unnamed underground. A yearning you’ve come to deal with.
The thing is this: Mizu is beautiful. Not the kind of beautiful that Akemi is, with her pink skirts and dainty wrists and pink lips. Mizu is large palms, tall with broad shoulders, a shaved undercut that fails to hide the freckle on her nape. The bones of her chest that flutter whenever Akemi kisses her.
You turn away, tucked away in the corner of the bar. You’re single—always have been. It should be easy, and yet the warmth of the wine on your tongue sits heavy, strong and pungent.
They make a good match, you remember telling your friends, They’re meant for one another.
And you’d laugh, and you’d sit there and watch them whisper to one another, Mizu’s hands on Akemi’s tiny waist, her ribs, her shoulders.
The first time you’d wrote about it, the thudding of your heart, the heat of your face, Mizu’s face in your mind as you touched yourself, you realized: you were in love. The letter didn’t see daylight for years. Felt like a part of yourself from a past life, one now fallen away from and so distant.
You remember it now. As Mizu pecks Akemi’s jaw, her chin, the underside of her ear. How she walks away to get more drinks and Akemi sidles up to you, a flush on her face, the skin of her neck.
“You look angry.”
“Ah, just work stuff..you know..”
Akemi nods, sipping the melted ice of her drink. Her chest isn’t covered. It reflects the dim lights. You look away.
Mizu returns and sets wine glasses down. You meet her eyes, the blue of it an electric thing in your gut. She grins as a hello, and you nod back, tipsy and unbalanced.
Your letter would likely never see the light of day. Instead, it would sit where you’d left it, the half-life of truth on paper an eternity—double that. You remind yourself to burn it when you return home. Maybe get drunk while you do it, really make it dramatic as possible.
Yet, as the night stumbles away from everyone, Akemi leaves early for her early work call tomorrow morning. A slurred I hate it, I hate it, god I wish I could quit urghhh as Taigen took her home.
And then Mizu was there, against the wood of the bartop. Her glistening golden chains reflecting in the low light. She rarely ever wore anything too revealing: liked turtlenecks more than anyone you’d ever known. But her puffer jacket had been long set aside, now just an indigo outline of her. A person against the backdrop of the bar, a watercolor in the night. A thing of desire in your mind, your heart.
You’d talked, somehow managed not to make a fool of yourself. Maybe have given away you’d drank too much, so now she was directing you into a cab: her hands steady and distant from your waist, your hips.
She helped you back into your apartment, stopped to drink some water, give you some as well, and now here you both were: in the darkness of your room, a mess of yourself thudding against your entire body.
“Sorry. I’m sorry.”
Mizu doesn’t respond. She lays you down and walks around your room. steps over the mess of your floor and the disheveled state of your desk, your drawers, your walls pinned in posters of bands and music and prints.
Her hands would stop, start again at different points of the room and mouth the words of the poster or the messily scrawled note you’d written weeks ago. You’d watch her, unfocused and smeared in anticipation—of what, you couldn’t tell.
And then—
“A letter.” Her voice broke the silence. The hum of your fridge started up again, and you went still. Felt the blood in your body rush, felt it in your face, could hear it in your ears, “For me?”
———
ok this is too long snd idek if i’ll continue this but lmk what you think. i watched little women and needed some angsty yearning so here we are! maybe a part 2??
#blue eye samurai#mizu blue eye samurai#mizu x fem!reader#mizu x reader#akemi blue eye samurai#mizu x akemi#angst#wlw yearning
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SUB! TREY CLOVER
"please...please! i've been good"
"mhmm...ahhh!"
"patience, my love"
characters: trey clover, gn!reader
warnings: nsfw, dom/sub relationships, mc giving oral
a/n:
- feedback is appreciated!
Trey shivered, body bare and goosebumps raising across his naked skin. You caress his smooth face with cold hands, igniting a chill down his spine followed by a low groan escaping his lips; "Mhmm, urghhh." He buried his head in the crook of your collarbone; his veiny arm wrapped around your waist where you were straddling him. You continued to grind onto his erection, igniting another moan from his lips; "Please..." Trey panted, squeezing his eyes shut when he was oh-so-close to an orgasm but resisted a groan when you stoped.
You hummed before slowly getting off; Trey's arms quickly rose to tug you back down; " but his amber eyes widened adorably when you position yourself between his legs; "Open for me." Trey eagerly followed as you held his length in your hands, fingers slowly stroking it. He responds immediately, groaning and fisting locks of your hair in his trembling hands. You quickened your pace, pumping it as Trey's amber eyes roll back in pleasure. His mouth was wide open, drooling leaking slowly from his lips as he moaned.
"Quicker, quicker! Please, I'm so close-"
Trey's voice hitched as you pop! your mouth off his length before groaning and limping onto the chair.
"Please, please, I've been a good boy!"
He looked at you pleadingly with amber eyes that shined like spun gold. A red flush tainted the pure, pale, smooth face that made countless people fall for him, you included. You chuckled before straddling him again. Trey's eyes dilated as you grinded on his erection, playfully moaning as you continued. He shivered as you leaned in, pressing warm, wet butterfly kisses onto his body that felt too warm and too hot.
"Ngh~"
You lifted his chin, so Trey's begging, pleading amber eyes stared into your smirking ones. He looked utterly submissive, so weak and like a bird drifting in a strong win. Watching the vice dorm leader of a noble dorm like Heartslabyul now, with him begging for release...it gave you a power rush.
"Patience, my love. I want to drag this as long as possible so by the time you orgasm, you'll taste divine."
#twisted wonderland#dom reader#dom!reader#sub twisted wonderland#twst trey#trey clover#trey clover x reader#sub trey clover#sub trey
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i’ve been thinking of mob!chamber x housewife!reader x mob!deadeye and my brain is ROTTING ! RAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
note : chamber and deadeye are twins in this ^^
Housewife!reader spends most of their time sheltered imprisoned at the heavily-guarded Fabron mansion, a rather peaceful piece of land far away from the city chaos.
The Fabron twins never justified what kind of business they own to you, not like you mind it too much anyway.
The twins don’t like the idea of you wandering around without them (they don’t even trust your personal bodyguards). So, it is better for you to stay at home and be a good little dove for them while they’re away for a ‘business trip’, yes?
Despite the house chefs hired by the Fabron twins, housewife!reader still insists to personally cook meals for the twins before they return home. Although the twins emphasized that cooking is not your responsibility, they still enjoy indulging the dishes made by their sweet dove :3
“We absolutely love your cooking, mon amour, but you don’t have to do it—“
You kissed Deadeye on the lips to shut him up, “Hmm, I know… Just wanna take care of you both ~”
URGHHH I JUST CAN’T ! The Fabron twins would spoil you ROTTEN !
Every time the twins return home, they bring gifts for you, usually comprising of jewelry, clothes, plushies and books that remind them of you and think you might like <3
And yes, they may be war criminals but nothing can stop them from carrying a 59’ inch tall Snorlax plushie around if it means putting that sweet smile on your face !!!
They often turn it into a competition, to see who could elicit the biggest smile and the loudest squeal from you with the gifts they bring.
Not to forget, each time they enter their office after a lengthy trip or a long day, they would discover adorable love notes plastered around their desks, scribbled with your messy yet cute handwritings and drawings <3
“miss u both so much :(”
“je t’aime <3 (with a tiny drawing of two kittens, presenting Chamber and Deadeye)”
They always think it is their duty to protect you, even if it means putting their own lives at stake.
#f6bron#— rumi drabbles . . .#valorant chamber#valorant chamber x reader#vincent fabron#valorant deadeye#valorant deadeye x reader#valorant fanfiction#valorant imagines#valorant headcanons#chamber x reader#chamber x you#chamber x y/n
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An Unexpected Confession (Leviathan x Reader)
Summary: Leviathan has confided in you for as long as you could remember. It's been an equivalent exchange for the most part, until the topic of relationships come up...
Tags: Romantic confession, mutual nerdy pining, fluff, a dating sim get's a little too real
"Ugh, this lead doesn't like any of the gifts I give her!" Leviathan complains, begrudgingly handing the controller to you.
"The Childhood Friend doesn't like sweets anymore, Levi. You'd know this if you actually paid attention during the dialogue," you chuckle teasingly, giving the character a gift that made the video game character swoon.
"Urghhh I'm a failure of a pro-gamer..." Leviathan groans in annoyance, folding his arms as he watch you continue to play the game.
You and Leviathan started playing a dating sim that he failed miserably going in blind the first time. He hated to admit it, but considering the experience you've had with dating sims was a little bit more than him, he reluctantly asked you for your assistance.
All of this struggle towards trying to woo the video game character made a part of Leviathan feel a little bit somber. As you silently cheer after successfully raising the character's love meter, you could see the demon's mood progressively sour.
"Levi, what's wrong?" you ask reluctantly. "We don't have to keep playing if you want."
Leviathan look away from you, trying his best to mask the rock you feel sinking through your chest. It was inexplainable, but you were the last person he would want to bring up such a problem to.
"N-Nothing! We can keep playing, it's okay, we're almost at the first good ending," he denies, looking at the monitor of the paused game.
You frown at his response, clearly not buying his sad attempt at covering up his emotions. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" you put the controller down and shift to your side to face him. "So what's on your mind, Levi?"
Leviathan takes a long pause, his eyes shifting around the room, anywhere but meeting yours. He was having an internal dilemma as he opened his mouth to speak, but words continued to fail. He wanted to run out of his room then and there, but where would he go? Outside?! He'd rather die...
Finally, after what feels like an eternity, he takes a deep breath and decides to let out what has been bothering him little by little. "You might think I'm a loser, o-or maybe you already think I'm a loser... but I don't have any experience at all when it comes to romance," he sighs out, his hands shaking slightly as he spoke.
You listen to him intently, but your gaze makes Leviathan much more nervous than he started out.
"I-I just wonder when I'm gonna be able to have an experience like this outside of 2D, y'know?" he continues, his head feeling light, like he could pass out at any second.
You took a pause before you could say anything to Leviathan, just beginning his messy ramble that stemmed from a bad ending of a video game...
"Ah, forget it... Y/N I don't know when it'll ever be my turn. Maybe I'm just unlovable. Like the no-good loser I've always been meant to be," Leviathan was slowly slipping from a stable state of mind and started to spiral into madness.
"Levi don't say that," you quickly prompt before his thoughts would get any worse, your own nerves settling in watching him talk down to himself like this.
"B-But what if it's true?" he panics.
"It's not," you respond quickly.
He senses a sudden urgency in your voice and quickly tries to stop himself from talking. "I'm so sorry, Y/N... I didn't mean to start acting like this," Leviathan quickly doubles down.
"It's okay," you reassure. "Sometimes I wonder the same for myself," you speak while letting out a soft chuckle.
Leviathan looks up at you in curiosity. "Y-You? A normie like you has to worry about that?" he asks in a state of bewilderment.
"Well, yeah I guess everyone does at some point in their lives." As you spoke, Leviathan's panic tones down slightly. "But it's what you decide to do about that. If you really think you're doomed to be alone, then I guess there's no harm in trying, right?"
"H-Huh?! Like a confession? I don't think I can do that...," Leviathan's constant stammers descends into an incoherent language.
You encourage him with a sweet smile on your face, scooting to him closer on the couch, making him nearly melt from the action.
"Would it help to lead by example then?" you ask in an innocent voice.
"I-I guess..." Leviathan closes his eyes and nods rapidly.
"Well," you begin, putting on a brave smile for the anxious demon in front of you, despite you feeling embarrassed from what you were about to say.
"Leviathan, I like you! How about a date to the arcade sometime?" you follow up with a wink, watching the demon's face turn into one of perpetual shock.
"Woah Y/N that almost sounded real... I-If I didn't know any better I'd say you were actually confessing to me! Haha...," he blurts out in a fit of anxiety, the palms of his hands sweating as he spoke. He wonders how it came out of your mouth so easily, was it so impossible to think of dating someone like him?!
"Oh that was an actual confession," you smile mischievously. "I really do like you Levi!"
*Leviathan.exe has stopped working.*
You watch him freeze in his spot, his entire body shutting down as you spoke, wondering if he was so consumed in digital media that he confused the art of dating sims for reality.
"Now your turn," you tease, anticipating for Leviathan's response.
You would not be able to get a response from Leviathan for at least minutes as he continues to recover. He has an internal battle of whether or not to say something, his words possibly being utter crap, or to sit there and look even more like an idiot in your eyes.
"C-Can I have some time...?" Leviathan pleads, hiding his face in his hands, close to tears over this reciprocation.
You nod in agreement. "Sure, but in the dating sim there would be a time limit~"
"This isn't that!" he retorts quickly, his voice muffled behind his hands.
Each word comes out of the shy demon's mouth slowly, but surely, a coherent sentence of "I like you, too" came to fruition. Despite being broken up by complaints of frustration and nerves rising to his throat, the message came across to you clean and simple.
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drabble #3 - can’t help that i love you
kai parker x reader
summary: while you and kai aren't necessarily in a relationship, no one can ignore the way you are together. it started with kai's nightmares, bringing you to his side for nightly comfort. soon, gentle touches on his back led to full blown hugs and forehead kisses; simple conversation turned to long talks, and you're only getting closer every day. kai feels safe with you, and you're falling for him. maybe he's falling for you, too. this is why your "thing" needs to stop. right now.
tags: fluff, parker siblings meddling in your business, soft!kai
word count: 463
a/n: i have been totally MIA bc life has suddenly gotten so, so chaotic, and i feel awful that i haven't posted, and sad bc there's nothing i love more than writing, but here's a little gift (🫱🎁🫲) {*hands you gift*} in the meantime. 😘 ily all and i'm sorry for my absence. though I'm going on vacation next week, so hopefully time off work and life gives me time to write! (it's a family reunion {urghhh}, but i wake up at 5:30 and everyone else around 9, so i'll be tip-typing away!)
The moment you wake up, you feel a presence in the room with you. Flipping onto your back, you focus your eyes on one blurry, exasperated, Luke Parker. He speaks before you can even ask what he wants.
“This thing with Kai needs to stop.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean. Your thing with him - whatever is it.”
You internally groan, knowing this day would come.
“You’re gay, right?”
“What?”
“Aren’t you gay?”
“Yeah, why?”
Without further question, you take off your top to reveal your bare chest, before putting on a bra and a new shirt. You slip on a pair of panties under your sheets, then proceed to walk around the room to find a pair of shorts to wear. Luke half-watches while trying to explain “your thing” with Kai, and why it “needs to stop.”
“-just, you’re in danger, and you’re putting other people in danger, too.”
Now dressed, you give him your full attention. “I’m pretty sure I’m one of the only people to ever give him any attention in his life, so how would that put me in danger?”
“Because he’s a sociopath and doesn’t know what to do with attention. The minute you take it away, you’re dead.”
“Well I’m not going to ‘take it away’.” He sighs, but you’re not finished. “Listen, Luke, I can’t stop feeling what I feel for him. And as long as I…” you pause, getting a taste of your words before saying them, and wondering if you should. Your eyes drop to the floor.
“As long as you…?”
Looking directly at him, you decide to admit it. “As long as I love him, everyone’s just a tad bit more safe now, don’t you think?”
Love. The word dances in the air above your heads.
Luke is speechless, and doesn’t even follow you out of the room. You pat his shoulder on the way out, giving him a small, victorious smile.
Unbeknownst to you, Kai heard the whole conversation. Right before you opened the door, he managed to sneak away unheard.
As soon as you come downstairs, brotherless, he surprises you by wrapping his arms around your waist. His head rests on your shoulder and a deep breath exhales his body.
“Hi, puppy,” you greet, kissing his head. “How are you?”
If it’s even possible, he melts even more. “Good,” he mutters.
“Good. Want some coffee? You can still hug me while I make it.”
A contented groan falls from his lips before he can stop it. Part of him expects you to push him away because of it, but instead you just pull him closer for another forehead kiss. As promised, you let him koala-style hug him during your whole coffee-making process. He’s never felt more at peace in his life than when he’s in your arms.
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Urghhh it's been too long, I need to stretch a guy out so fucking bad.
#text post#shark thoughts#i need a weird trans guy to ruin RIGHT NOW. I'm going so stupid boy crazy it almost hurts.
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Only Friends Episode 10 - Redemption
In which we see more character growth (especially Ray), Atom and Boeing are manipulators with a massive grudge and Mew needs to get over his bitterness if he ever wants to make his second chance work
Top & Mew (featuring Boeing)
We start with the most awkward lunch/dinner scene ever. Top being hopeful Mew is there for reconciliation but with Boeing in the picture (and giving sly quip about how Mew is the better version of himself), I can see why Mew is having trouble trusting himself (or Top) ever again.
And we see Boeing capitalising on this matter - he clocks on it and oh boy, he pounces! I must salute Boeing here (and Mond playing him is amazing to see...😚!). We are alluded to Boeing coming every night when Top can't sleep, allowing himself to be essentially an emotional teddy-bear for Top but inside, he is seething with fury. This is the man he dumped Sand for, only for the relationship to implode because Top break it off at the 3 months mark (or less).
And then we have Top basically thinking Boeing is his friendly ex, where he poured his feelings and anguish over his broken relationship with Mew - even admitting to Boeing that for Mew, he can see himself in a long-term relationship.
Mix all of the above with Mew who still feels insecure about himself - and at the back of his mind, I'm sure he is wondering whether he can ever trust Top to not cheat on him again (we see Boeing shrewdly mention this when he met up with Mew to seduce kiss him in the latter's apartment). [Also, what's with the men in this show using plants as a pick up line?]
I'll give it to Top though, he is working hard to prove himself trustworthy for Mew. But it seems Mew is playing a game (with Boeing an eager participant - and I don't think its so much Boeing likes Mew, even though he said he does to Top, but more so he wants revenge on Top for dumping him those many months ago).
I think we can safely say for TopMew to have a fighting chance to salvage their relationship, Mew will need to find somehow to not only forgive Top but also trust in himself.
(Kudos to Book as Mew in this series, I thought his acting has improved significantly compared to his last series; you can see a change in how he behaves as the series progresses, from sweet and openly trusting to somehow close off and almost bitter after the whole Top/Ton revelation).
Nick and Boston (featuring Atom)
If you ask me a few episodes ago whether I thought Boston was redeemable, I will have say no. But after this episode, urghhh.. my 💔 breaks for him.
For all his callousness and arrogance, Boston is honest and holds true to his own code of conducts. He has always been upfront with all his bed partners what they are getting into, which is to never expect a relationship with him. Plus he makes sure all his partners consent before having any sexual encounters. And so, for Atom to manipulate the whole situation and tells his sister the opposite happen - wow that just leads to the group of friends ganging up on Boston. I think we can safely say, the one mistake Boston did was to sleep with his friend's younger brother (and Ray summed it well - "Atom is your friend's brother!")
But the damage is done, and it's easy for Cheum to rally Ray and Mew on her crusade to destroy Boston because they already have past grievances with Ton. Especially Mew, who looks exceptionally smug and satisfied when Cheum slapped Ton and expelled the latter from their friendship group.
Some folks are angry Cheum behaved that way - I will say Cheum is behaving as any older siblings should be. I too will be angry (and ready to commit murder) if my younger sibling insinuate he/she is being sexually blackmail by a close friend.
You can tell, Boston is at his lowest point by now. And we now know he definitely has feelings for Nick (but with an emotional range of a teaspoon, Boston, like most of the boys in this group of friends are terrible at expressing them). So, I think him meeting up with Nick in the store was the former trying to make a connection with the only person in his life right now who doesn't loath him. And wow - the whole subtext conversation between Boston and Nick regarding Boston's screen protector before Boston just casually handing his phone for repair with Nick's photograph as his screensaver 🥹!!!!!
Their heartfelt reunion on the rooftop was raw and emotional to see. It's probably the first time Boston really open up to someone and I'm glad it's with Nick - they are both a bit "loony" with weird/creepy habits, but they both accept their craziness and fell for each other despite them.
(But poor Daddy Dan - I fear he will now be in the sideline with Boston back in the game! Although, that scene in the meeting room between Dan/Nick.....🫠🫣)
Ray and Sand (featuring their respective fathers)
We see the most character growth in Ray this week. It starts with Ray yet again denying he has alcohol dependence, arguing with Sand about going to rehab. However, I think we can safely say Sand is Ray's moral compass and his comfort/safe space. It's only when Sand insinuates he does not want Ray to die that he reluctantly agree to go for rehabilitation/counselling sessions. Even then, he only agreed with a condition - Sand telling his birth father about himself. I suspect Ray wanted Sand to refuse so that he in turn don’t have to go for those sessions. Needless to say, he underestimates how much Sand is willing to go an extra mile for Ray (as viewers, we already know this, Sand is so gone for Ray), where we sees Sand taking the brave step in confessing to his dad (and how poetic it is the dad is called Sun with him having his own Ray of sunshine next to him?). I'm glad Ray stopped Sand from confessing though, instead stating it's enough to show Sand is brave to do it, which in turn makes him brave enough to take the first step (character growth!!!!! we love it!).
So, it must have hurt Ray so deeply when he thought Sand was in cahoots with his own father for money. As we learn by now, Ray loathes himself, and has unfortunately defines himself by how much he is worth to other people. It doesn't help his first encounter with Sand was transactional (with Ray hiring Sand as a drinking buddy). As an outsider looking into at their journey, it's easy for all of us to see how quickly Sand values Ray when he refuses all payments after that once off incident. Ray in his rage and volatile state cannot see pass this.
The whole conversation in Sand's living room was raw and intense - both sides are hurting with jab after jab from Ray insinuating Sand duped him. And with Ray being so angry, it's hard for Sand to get any words in. However, Ray is correct in one aspect - when he angrily pointed out "You want me to stop drinking, but here you are making and selling liquor. You think my life will be better with you, it's just going to hell!." - because it's true, if Sand wants to be the support person for Ray, he will have to make the communal effort to also make Ray's environment as alcohol-free as possible. And I think it dawns on Sand (who despite his maturity is only 22 yrs old himself) when he let out the most heartbreaking scream (who else cried bucket in this scene, cause I did) before breaking the wine jar (I love the symbolism here - Sand is again ready to give up his source of income for Ray)
We ended episode 10 with Ray fully accepting he has major alcohol issue (especially after his own dad finally lifting the lid on what Sand has done for Ray - I can't believe Sand researched all those rehab centres and present his findings to Ray's dad!!! ). I think most of us will agree - that last scene of Ray breaking down, apologising and sobbing to imaginary Sand, knowing he may have lost the one person who believed in him and loves him unconditionally - was as Oscar worthy performance by Khaotung (and all of our collective heart breaks for him 😭😭😭😭).
I have high hopes we will see Sand/Ray reuniting, although with Boeing popping up, it's definitely going to be interesting!
As usual, it's a roller coaster ride from start to finish. I'm impressed with all the actors, but this episode goes to Khaotung who played Ray so masterfully, First who plays Sand with quiet dignity and Neo showing cracks of vulnerability as Ton.
So, is it Saturday yet? (I can't wait to see what shenanigan Boeing is going to stir next)
#only friends the series#episode 10#summary#just me again gathering my thoughts before next episode#khaotung thanawat#first kanaphan#book kasidet#force jiratchapong#neo trai#mark pakin#lookjun bhasidi#title kirati#papang phromphiriya#mond tanutchai#sandray#topmew#bostonnick#firstkhao
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Stethoscopes and Triangles - Chapter Four ❤️
A/N: Urghhh 😱 y'all this is just sad, for Amy, frustrating for Sam and heartbreaking for us! But I hope y'all enjoy this, 💕 and oh yeah guess who we meet in this, yep, that amazing green eyed man😋 so sit back and enjoy. 💕
Warnings: 18+ Only! Some language, angst, heartbreak, cheating, punching, mentions of blood, anything else I missed let me know💕
Characters: Sam Winchester, Amy Summers, Ruby Jones, Paul Summers, Ada Brown, Dean Winchester.
Cover: Created by me. Also images from Pinterest and Canva.
Words:2552 😅
Chapter Four 🤩
Rolling over, searching for the large man, opening her eyes slightly, "Sam?" Glaring at the alarm clock 2 in the morning, removing the covers and slipping on her slippers, her eyes still puffy, from the sleep. Walking in too the living room with its open plan kitchen, she finds him slumped over in the chair, still wearing yesterday's clothes, his head resting on his right arm, his hair hanging over his handsome face. Lightly touching his shoulder, her voice calming and sweet, "babe, my love, wake up, go get some proper sleep in our bed please"
He arouses a little, lifting his head with difficulty showing the stiffness in his neck, "Amy? What time is it?"
"It's 2 in the morning, come get up" she tugs at his arm, and he just follows her, too tired to fight with her, letting her know, that he's not nearly done reading and going through the paperwork. He just stumbles on the bed, work clothes and all, spayed out, on the bed, his voice croaky from the sleep. "I love you Amy" a sweet smile lining across her lips, "you too babe" The light snores coming from him, let's her know, he's fast asleep, and she ain't getting a inch of help to remove his working clothes. Slowly removing his tie, while placing a soft kiss, on his cheek, "sweet dreams babe" She whispers, removing his shoes, and socks, covering him up with the blanket. As she curls up next too him, thinking about how he looked after her, these last few weeks, her fingers lingering across the now healed scar on her neck. But she worries about him, its almost as if his carrying around this burden but she can't quite figure out what it is, and its been coming for some time now, he works so much, and the hours are getting longer, or maybe she's just imagining things, because usually she's at work also working long hours, maybe she just never noticed it before. With those thoughts running around in her mind, she falls asleep.
She gets woken up by the shift on the bed, glancing at his side, he runs his hand over his face, her voice sweet "morning babe" he's head cocks to her side, he sounds tired "morning sweetie" he gets up walking towards the bathroom, "I'm going to take a shower and get ready to head into the office" sitting half upright now, "enjoy your shower love, what do you want for breakfast?"
He doesn't even look her way, he just walks in, closing the door behind him, and letting her know, that he'll get something on the way, no need for any trouble. Finding it a little odd, but kind off writing it off due to the fact that he's tired, she gets up, to make some coffee. As she waits for the coffee machine, Sam's phone vibrates on the table. She strides closer, thinking maybe its important or the battery is about to die.
It's a message from a Ruby Jones, : Hey Sam☺️ just want to know for when I should book that little place for the two off...
She just glares at the phone, she can't read what the message said further his phone is locked, but she can't help but too think that's why he's been acting so distant, so different, his having an affair, cheating on her? Her hands are shaking, her chest feels like it going to explode, "how... Why... Is he really cheating?" She mumbles underneath her breath. The tears burning behind her eyes, she places his phone down, her eyes get caught on his suit jacket that's draped over the kitchen chair, she looks a little closer there's a makeup smudge on his collar, she picks it up to take a closer look, then the smell of another women's perfume hits her nostrils, her lower lip trembling as emotions of anger and sadness swirl around in her chest, swallowing down the tears, as she throws the jacket over the chair, pouring some coffee in her cup. Hearing Sam walking towards the kitchen, barely looking at her he throws in the files in his suitcase, taking his phone and walks towards the door, he turns around, "Have a good first day at work Amy, I need to head into work, love you" and heads right back out of there apartment door. She's left standing there shock on her face, knowing that she's right, that man she loves so dearly is cheating on her.
Still left standing there, too shocked too move a muscle, the door flung open, Sam's voice bring her out of her haze, "forgot my car keys" she glares at him, confusion prominent between his eyebrows, "did I do something wrong"
Walking closer towards him, her voice breaking, tears streaming down her face "Am I not enough"
"What are you talking about Amy?"
"If you don't love me anymore give it too me straight, you don't go behind my damn back, and get another woman"
Surprised Sam looks at her like she's crazy "What the hell Amy? What is the matter with you?"
Her jaw clenches, "the Ruby chick with her messages, the make up and perfume on your clothes, you barely look at me, you work later than normal, wanna tell me I'm crazy, please go ahead"
Starting to get irritated with her accusing him of something so far from the truth, he turns towards the door, giving her one last glance as he shouts "if you think I'm capable of doing something so damn outrageous, I don't even know what I'm doing in this relationship anymore, goodbye Amy" walking out and smashing the door closed behind him.
Sliding down the kitchen cabinet, sobbing frantically, shaking her head, never in her entire life would she had thought that Sam would cheat, that Sam would be just like her father. She was always so determined to not end up like her poor mother, scattered and broken through a damn affair, but yet here she is.
As Sam speeds to work, his thoughts can't help but to race to the sight his just seen, the look of betrayal of sadness of anger on her delicate face, her ocean blue eyes, was filled with despair, making them appear darker than they are. "Dammit" he cusses underneath his breath.
Shaking his head, if only she knew the reason he can't look her in the eyes, the reason his been working such long hours, its not because he's a cheat, no! He's building a case, a case where it looks like Paul Summers her father is involved in. Recalling the witness that came forth, a older lady in her late forties, scared too death, she was bawling her eyes out so he pulled her into a hug, it can't be easy losing your only child. He recalls the message Amy was talking about, unlocking his phone reading the message, Hey Sam☺️ just want to know for when I should book that little place for the two off you.
He asked Ruby too book a special place for Amy's birthday coming up, he wanted too treat her, knowing he has been distant. But all that has gone too hell now. Thinking he should probably call her, and try too explain, but knowing her, he needs too let her cool down first, he knows the impact her father's cheating had on her, she was so reluctant, going out with him in the first place, and now she thinks that he loves another woman. "There's only one woman for me dammit" he cusses to himself, as he pulled into the parking.
Walking through the hospital doors, first time in a couple of weeks, she felt so happy too be able to go too work this morning, doing what she loves, and now... now she feels, weak, sad and broken. Walking straight to the ER. she just wants too forget about everything and drown herself in her patients problems, she's caught off guard, by the 'Welcome Back' banner hanging, a few balloons, and some nurses and doctors, welcoming her with smiles, and nods. Ada comes too give her a welcome back hug, as her best friend's arms snakes around her, she can feel the tears damming behind her eyes, she squints in order, to hide them, too push them back.
"Sweetie, I'm so glad your back, and okay, you gave me a good scare, there for a minute"
Amy forces a giggle "Thank you, Ada, and everyone, for everything, but I'm back now, let's get too work okay, we've got lives to save."
Knowing her best friend, better than she knows herself, she agrees with Amy, and gives everyone orders, where to go, which patients to see, and what to do. She won't pry, but she knows, that something aren't right, she'll just wait till she comes and talks too her.
It was a slow day, nothing too serious, just the usual GSW'S and minor injuries. But it was mid shift that, the ER. had multiple injured people entering through the doors, a Navy helicopter full off injured seals, with severe injuries, is about to land.
It was literal chaos, but Amy felt right at home, in fact it's when she felt most alive. Ada said she should check out the man, in trauma bay 2, and she went right in, expecting, no actually hoping it was something challenging. As she took some gloves, she witnessed a man, about mid thirties maybe early forties, something about him seemed familiar, but he sat on the hospital bed, cargo pants and a grey vest exposed his muscular arms, the open gash on his arm, blood seeping through and the right side of his face, there was an open deep wound, blood gushing from it. She walked closer, introducing herself. "I'm Dr. Summers, how are you feeling"
He flinches, his green eyes piercing through hers, "I feel fine, can I go now"
Shocked by his answer "No! I need to check you out first"
His picture perfect jawline hardens, "then do it already dammit"
She just smiles and assures him, she'll do her best and she starts to stitch up the wound to his face and proceeds to the one on his arms, he doesn't say much, he's pretty restless, and every now and again she need too tell him to sit still, as she finished with the stitching. He got up, towering over her, about too leave but he didn't get far as she kindly told him "Please sit down, we still need to run some tests"
He looks at her, like she just spoke another language, as he spoke in a rough voice "No! I need to check on my brothers."
Her eyebrows furrowed, as she got irritated by his demeanor, her voice stern "I said sit your ass down now, I'm not done with you" she steadily pushed him back towards the bed, careful not too hurt him, but stern enough to let him know, she's serious.
He just threw his hands in the air, letting her know, his sort off surrendering, thinking too himself, damn this doctor is hot, any other day, and he would've asked for her number, but not today, his too worried about his team.
"I'm going to order your labs, and see a few other patients, if I come back here and see your not here, I'll get security and let them handcuff you the bed, understood" she warns
He just smirks as he's amused by this woman, who's ordering him around as if his her two year old, not happy he folds his arms, mouthing "yes mother".
She can't help but too smile a little at the stubbornness of her patient. She proceeds further too attend to some off the other patients.
Sam sits at his desk, going over all the evidence, his gather over these few weeks, his got a solid case, a slam dunk so too say, usually he'd be so happy, but not today, if he wins this case not only will a very bad, dangerous man be off the streets, but he might loose Amy in the process. He is going to make sure her father is behind bars, by the end of this week. Lifelong if the jury votes in his favor.
As he sips on the cold bitter brown liquid, he hears chatter outside his door, before he could get up, he's door flung open, hearing Ruby shout, "Sir you can't go in yet" the older man just walks through, his voice loud "He'll see me"
Sam is shocked when he sees its Paul Summers, calmly he tells Ruby "You can go, thanks, close the door behind you"
She just nods and closes the door. The older man's voice angry, a warning tone "what do you think your doing Sam?"
Calmly getting up, striding closer to Amy's father "Good afternoon, Mr Summers, something I can help you with?"
"What do you think your doing, this is going to not only ruin me, but Amy, do you not cares what happens to her, by falsely accusing me"
Sam smirks, "Falsely, I don't think so, I have multiple evidence and witnesses, that can bring you down."
"Ha! We'll see about that, now won't we?" he has a devilish smile on his face. "I'm not the bad guy here, you are Samuel!"
Pointing his finger to door, "I think you better leave Paul"
"What, like Amy is going too leave you" he provokes the young man.
"This isn't about Amy, this is about you, you are a Crime Boss, ordering your people to execute your demands , smuggling weapons, drugs and people over the border, even human trafficking, how can you, you have a daughter, how do you live with yourself."
He laughs, "It's only business, and that money is what gave my daughter the ability to be a doctor, I am the reason she is who she is today"
Sam can't take this man's audacity anymore, he starts raising his voice "No! Paul, your not worthy off the name father, Amy, put herself through college, she worked hard to get where she is today, and the only thing she got from you, is a damn voice of you in her head, claiming she is still not enough.!"
The man's jaw tightens and his fist clenches, without thinking it through, he throws a punch, towards Sam's face, grinning as he watches the blood dripping from his now broken nose. "Don't you ever tell me I weren't a good father" as he turns around to head towards the door, he watches Sam take the back of his hand, to wipe off the red , sticky liquid, off his upper lip. "By the way Sammy boy, I bet you my case will get thrown out" he walks out leaving Sam standing there balling his fist's as he wants to punch that stupid grin off the old man's face, knowing he can't it will jeopardize his case, he will just have to wait to get him in court. But the most important thing he can do now, is make sure the witnesses is save, because something tells him, that warning weren't just for show, no! he is planning something, something big!
#Spotify#stethoscopesandtriangles#nescveckwriter#dean winchester fanfiction#dean winchester x reader#jared padalecki#jensen ackles x reader#sam and dean#dean winchester imagine#benny lafitte#castiel spn
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Sorry english isnt my first language, anyways hope you enjoy:]
Arctic bunny/rabbit!141 with fox reader, with the boys wanting to 'fuck like rabbits' with reader of course and reader snarling, growling and hissing whenever they get too close.
God and soap and gaz especially being touchy, with them being the youngest, urghhh:(((
Gaz especially likes being near you, like touching, holding and grabbing at the readers arms and waist and getting really close when talking with reader, like almost just whispering all close to readers face.
And soap who, basically the moment he laid eyes on you, just completly fell for you. Like i stand by him being super whiny and its really bad when readers near. And even worse when gaz is there because reader has to focus on gaz and his wandering hands.
Oh And the poor captain and liutenant, i think that gaz and soaps rooms are right in between price and ghosts, so the poor older guys have to smell the two younger jerking off. And its really Bad after training weekends or long days in the sun when the reader has been sweating alot and everyone has been riled up but cant go to you because predators have different sleeping quarters then 'prey'.
And when the reader and 141 have to go on a mission somewhere cold and the boys showing off how little clothes/gear they need on because they can handle the cold weather.
And then while scouting the reader encounters an enemy and they get into close combat and tumble into a stream or lake and get all wet and reader comes back to the boys wet, bruised and freezing. And gaz running right up to reader before they faint from the cold and catching them.
And reader waking up stuffed into several sleeping bags both their own and the boys' (who have lighter sleeping bags because they can handle the cold) infront of fireplace in the little hut they were staying in for the mission.
And maybe before reader fainted they got to mention the enemy, so when price comes back a little later he is pissed that his favorite predator got hurt and had been gone to Check the area and 'blow off some steam' iykwim.
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alright, ive had bipolar disorder for like six years already and though medication helps prevent manic behaviors, the mania doesn't actually go away, so here are some of the ways ive hacked my mania so i dont just snort a bunch of coke at a dive bar:
1. feeling spendy? take yourself to the dollar store, thrifting, or buy off of a list of "nice to haves"! set aside physical cash in the amount you can spend so you dont overspend (or at least prevent yourself from overspending as much as possible), or try only bringing a certain amount of bags to carry the goods and limit yourself to that amount of bags.
2. have too much energy and/or feel really frustrated or irritable? GYM. GYM GYM GYM. i dont care if youre not normally a gym person, go to the gym. if you dont have access to a gym, go for a run. if you cant run or go to the gym, shadow box in your house/backyard. throw pillows around your bed, jump on it, kick your legs like youre having a tantrum. let yourself slam doors. if you have access to some under-used concrete like a shitty parking lot or a driveway, break those dishes you dont even like (just clean up the glass after).
3. feeling creative? dont go buy another new hobby, pick up one of the ones youve tabled for so long! keep a list to remind yourself of your hobbies for when youre manic- looking at it may get you excited!
4. want to completely change your life, quit your job and move to a different country? move some furniture, do some reorganizing, clean the house, or throw out some stuff you dont need anymore. for this i like to put on those cleaning/reorganization shows or organizing video compilations on in the background to get me pumped up.
5. feeling restless? go to a new place. for this i say it depends on the level of restlessness what the solution is. mild restlessness (aka "urghhh im bored") calls for a walk/drive in a new direction/one you usually dont go in (NOT A ROAD TRIP, you manic motherfucker). moderate to severe restlessness (aka "there's nothing to DO IM GONNA BITE SOMETHING") calls for going to a new place, like a museum, library, even a waterfront you haven't been to before.
6. wanna do a bunch of drugs and/or party? hang out with some friends instead. if you normally do some drugs (cigarettes weed alcohol), do them around friends who know your situation so you dont overdo it. and i say only those three drugs because dear god, everything else will just make you more manic. note: be careful with some strains of weed while manic, particularly sativa-dominant- they can cause more mania and hallucinations.
7. racing thoughts? DRAW. even if youre not an artist or cant draw worth a shit, DRAW. manic drawings are actually a whole thing in psychology and are SO COOL TO LOOK AT. I even have a tattoo of a drawing i did while manic! just let your hands move freely on the page with whatever tools you feel like using.
a lot of these tactics can be swapped out with each other depending on what helps your moods. if reorganizing when youre restless helps, then great! if when you wanna change your life you go to a new place, awesome. whatever works for you! these are just some ideas. i keep this list pinned on my phone so that when im manic i remember.
if you have any suggestions, please add them!
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New Start GO! - Prologue
Location: Inside Train
Characters: Hajime, Tomoya, Mitsuru & Nazuna
Season: Winter
Writer: Seitarou Kino & Akira
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ< The middle of February. On the commuter train. >
Nazuna: Urghhh…! I–I can’t move…!
Hajime: A–Are you okay, Nii-chan? Hold onto me if you feel like you’ll get separat–
Whaa!?
Nazuna: You say that but look at you, Hajime-chin – the crowd has dragged you all the way over there~!
Oh, now that I think about it, where have Mitsuru-chin and Tomo-chin gone? I don’t see them anywhere…
Mitsuru: I’m here, y’know~! I can’t move my body but I’ve been training every day so I’m fine!
Tomoya: I’m over here. I’m surrounded by people taller than me so you probably can’t see me, though.
How many people can fit in here anyway? I honestly underestimated the rush hour.
This isn’t something anyone should experience five days a week.
Nazuna: Yeah. But there are actually a lot of people who have to experience this during the weekdays~
Anyway, I’m glad you two are all right. Not that I could’ve imagined this is how horrifying commuter trains would be!
Office workers sure have it rough. I never would’ve thought there’d come a day where I’d be in their shoes.
Hajime: That’s precisely why it’ll be a good experience for us. I’m looking forward to seeing how our first day of work will be like.
Nazuna: Yeah. We’ve gotta make sure we meet their expectations since we were chosen for the project.
(In any case… There are five stations left until the company office – Let’s do our best!)
(...Ahaha. That sounds a bit weird.)
(I balance life as an idol and a university student, but to think I’d get to experience being an office worker too. It really is a strange opportunity ♪)
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ< A few days earlier. >
Nazuna: …”New Start Go!”?
Tomoya: Hmm. So it’s a special segment part of a variety TV show where they’ll watch us working in an office, right?
Hajime: We’ll be working at a company that sells menswear. We can promote their suits at the same time, so it’s like hitting two birds with one stone for the company…
I see, so that’s why we’ll be getting work experience there. I understand now, Anzu-san.
Tomoya: But work experience, huh. Are we up for this…?
Mitsuru: It just means we’ll be wearing suits and working, right? That sure sounds fun, y’know!
Tomoya: Well, the people watching us will definitely see it that way, but we’ll just be useless in the office. I have a feeling we’ll just get in their way.
I’m happy you offered this opportunity to us, Anzu-san, but I’m sorry. I don’t think we should make a decision right away.
So can you tell us a bit more about it?
Why did this sort of work offer come to us in the first place? What sort of work are they wanting from us…? I’d like to hear the specifics before accepting.
Hajime: Is it because we held out on our own against “Eden” during “Boogie Time”, so everyone suddenly has their attention on us…?
It’s true we’re used to variety shows, so maybe that’s why we were seen as equals with “Eden” there.
Nazuna: And a higher-up from a TV station noticed that we have potential and decided they wanted to see more, huh.
It’s great they acknowledged our variety skills, but this job will be pretty tough.
Mitsuru: I’m fine whenever and with whatever as long as it’s fun!
Tomoya: Don’t say yes so easily. I don’t think working in a company office is an easy thing to do, you know?
Mitsuru: Hmm~ But I’m not gonna be there to play~
Tomoya: Well, I guess you could say things like being an idol or acting also count as social experience… but working at an office will be a lot of work. My dad looks like he’s having a hard time every day.
It’s a different kind of difficulty from being idols – it’s a contest of who’s more talented there. They have a lot of rules you have to follow, so wouldn’t that be the worst kind of environment for you, Mitsuru?
Mitsuru: Hmm~ You think so? Sounds pretty strict!
So does that mean we should say no? Whaddya guys think?
Hajime: It’s a difficult choice… I think Tomoya-kun has a point, but I also think there will be things we can learn from the experience.
It would be nice to have some time to decide, but what do you say?
This work offer suddenly appeared out of the blue for us, so I think it would be best for the company if we have time to discuss before making a decision.
Tomoya: I agree. It’s not something we can easily say yes to and we’re happy they think highly of us “Ra*bits”.
Nazuna: Yeah. Sorry, Anzu, it seems our opinions are split, so can we have some time to think things over?
Right. Sorry we can’t give you an answer right away.
Tomoya: Anzu-san, would it be okay if we gave you our answer two or three days from now? We’ll do some research on the company until then.
Okay. We’ll also read through the proposal carefully if you have it. Sorry for all the trouble!
Nazuna: …You’ve got to get going, so you’ll send it by email? Sorry, you’re so busy, but you came all the way here to talk to us in person,.
Yeah. We’ll make a responsible decision. If we decide to accept, then we’ll be in your care, Anzu.
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤNext Chapter →
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