#And I bummed myself out in the most pathetic way when I saw a pretty flower today | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yayeetsonny · 4 years

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Family~Krashlyn x Baby Reader

Prompt: Baby r is super short (shorter than Crystal lol), she is super close with Ali and Ash, they are like parents to her since her home life isn't great and her actual parents suck ass. She’s bummed about a father daughter dance and tries to hide it but Ash and Ali get her to spill. Ash saves the day

Requested By: Anonymous

TW: Mentions of Neglect, verbal and emotional abuse and Anxiety. Brief depictions Verbal/emotional and brief physical abuse.

Y/N PRO//

I have always been jealous of kids whose parents are actually decent human beings. Jealous of those who have a good relationship with their parents and their mom and dad are actually nice to them and care about them. My parents are all about themselves, they never make time for me and I’m pretty sure if they had it their way they would have abandon me years ago. The only reason they haven’t is because of their precious “Image” They are some pretty powerful people in the business world and they don’t want their reputations ruined by any bad publicity. They see me as secondary to their company, and they are always leaving me alone in the house for long stretches of time. On the off chance they are home they make a point to tell me how pathetic I am and how I’m useless or worth nothing. They admonish me for my grades in school even when I’m doing really well and they call my social anxiety “ridiculous” and tell me I need to “get over it.”

My life isn’t all bad though. I have made a pretty good name for myself, I’m a pro soccer player in the NWSL for the Orlando Pride and I play on the National team. Even at the tender age of 15, I have been afforded all these amazing opportunities and I have several college scholarships waiting for me. It’s amazing, and I have some of the best people in the world supporting me and my dreams. My Pride teammates of course and my national teammates as well, they’ve all be my anchors through everything but 2 people have always stood out above the rest. My teammates and ‘moms’ Ali Krieger and Ashlyn Harris. They are my biggest role models and the parents I’ve always wanted. I would not be where I am without them. I don’t speak very much around anyone but them but everyone else understands and doesn’t push me to talk.

Speaking of those two I’m currently smooshed in a Krashlyn sandwich as I make my way onto the field for Pride practice.

“Hey shorty! Good to see you!” Ash said

“Hey baby girl, How was school?” Ali asked

“Hey guys, good to see you too. School was okay.” I said once they pulled away

“Just okay? Why’s that?”

They looked at me concerned. They both knew about my social anxiety and how sometimes school was really hard for me. I only shrugged in return.

“Come on Y/N, what is it?”

They got me to move over to a bench and sit in between them.

I once again only shrugged.

“Please tell us?”

I let out a tired sigh but knew I could trust them with anything.

“ My anxiety was getting in the way of a lot today.” I said, suddenly finding my shoes very interesting.

“Hey…”

Ali put her finger under my chin and gently lifted my head so we’d make eye contact.

“What have we talked about when it comes to your anxiety?”

“That it doesn’t define me and that it’s okay if I have hard days sometimes.” I mumbled

“And what else?” Ashlyn chimed in

“And that I can always talk to you guys about it and that I don’t need to be ashamed of it. I know, I just don’t want you guys to think I’m weak or-”

“Hey, no. Don’t do that to yourself.”

“We know not everyday is going to be happy, full of sunshine and rainbows. That doesn’t make you any less strong and it most certainly doesn’t make you weak.”

“Thanks guys. I needed that reminder.” I said wiping the tear that had started to fall.

“We’ll always be here to let you know just how great you are.” Ashlyn smiled softly at me

“You ready to practice or do you need a minute?”

“I’m ready.”

I stood up, shook out any extra nerves and Ali leaned down to kiss me on the head.

“You know, kid… you’re really short.” She laughed

“I know.” I giggled

“I’m pretty sure you’re shorter than Crystal.” Ashlyn chuckled

“No way!”

“Yeah I think so! She’s what… 5’0 feet even? How tall are you?”

“4’9 and 1/2” I mumbled

“Oh man! You are short.”

“It’s not funny!”

I pouted at them as they continued to laugh at me but after a moment I smiled and joined in.

“Okay, okay. Time to get to work kids.” Ali said

“Yes mom” Ash and I said

We made our way to the center of the field where the rest of our teammates were. Alex Morgan and Carson Pickett among them.

“Hey, Krashlyn! Mini Krashlyn!” Carson Pickett said, excitedly running up and giving us all a hug.

“Hi.” I said

“Hey guys! Hey mini K, how you been?” Alex asked coming up and also giving us hugs.

The Pride and national team all called me “Mini Krashlyn” or “Mini K” because they know how close I am with Ash and Ali and they consider us “America’s cutest family.” It’s a little silly but mostly really cute.

I waved and gave her a thumbs up.

She smiled at me softly in return

We were interrupted by coach telling us to get to work.

“Alright ladies! Let’s go, you know the drill. Warm up and then get on the line!”

I rolled my eyes at the thought of doing suicides or sprints first but did as told. After we warmed up I got on the line in between Alex and Ali. Ashlyn was on Alex’s other side and our other teammates filled the rest of the line.

“You ready, kid?” Alex asked

I nodded and smiled in return.

Coach Skinner blew his whistle and we were off. We started out with sprints and then moved to suicides. By the end everyone was panting and trying to catch their breath. Well everyone except for Marta, she looked barley winded.

I just shook my head at her.

She shrugged in return, smirking at me. After a quick water break we moved onto drills. We went through, passing, defending and shooting drills and then a scrimmage before coach called it a day. We said good bye to our teammates before Ash and Ali gave me a ride home.

“You did good today, kid.”

“Thanks.”

The ride to my house was in relatively comfortable silence with just the radio softly playing in the background but no one seemed to mind. Once they pulled up and stopped at the curb I got out and grabbed my stuff from the back.

“Bye guys. I’ll see you tomorrow. Thanks for the ride.”

“Y/N, wait.” Ash stopped me before I could go any further

“Are you sure, you don’t wanna just spend the night at our place?”

I had told them that my parents were out of town and they knew what that meant. They tried to let me handle things how I saw fit but since I was only 15 they worried about me being alone for too long and sometimes convinced me to stay with them for a few days.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks for the offer though. My parents should be home tonight.”

“Are you sure? They don’t seem to commit to being home on time and we-”

“Ash I’m good. I promise. See you tomorrow.” I cut her off

I could tell they were conflicted about leaving me here but I gave them the best reassuring smile I could and they let it go.

“See you tomorrow, Y/N. We love you.”

“I love you guys too.”

I closed the car door, they waited for me to unlock my door before driving off. When I got inside I dropped my bag on the floor and sunk down next to it. My parents were actually coming home today and I wasn’t really looking forward to seeing them.

I knew I needed to clean the house a little bit, so after sitting for a while longer I got up and got to cleaning. After a couple hours everything seemed to be the way they liked it, spotless. So I deemed it done and went to put away the supplies. As I was doing that I heard the front door open and rushed to finish putting everything away. I then made sure I looked “presentable” and made my way to the front of the house.

“Hi, mom. Hi dad. How was your trip?” I said as I came face to face with them for the first time in 2 weeks.

“Is the house clean?” My father asked completely ignoring what I said

“Yes sir.”

“It better be.”

My mom did little to even acknowledge my presence, only going as far to hand me her luggage and point upstairs. She then followed my father as he inspected my cleaning job. I rolled my eyes but brought her bag up anyways. I would have taken my dad’s too but he hates when I touch his stuff.

“Y/N M/N L/N!” dad yelled from wherever there were in the house. Oh man, he sounds really mad.

I went downstairs, and after searching for a minute I found them in the guest room.

“Yes sir?”

“What is this?” He asked sharply, showing me his hand that had a white glove with dust on it.

“Dust, sir.”

“And why is there dust in this room?” His voice was dangerously low.

“I-I’m sorry sir, I did the best that I could.”

“Yeah, well your best isn’t good enough! You worthless waste of space. Clean the whole house again!”

“The whole house? But sir it’s just a little dust, I can-”

I didn’t get to finish because I felt a stinging sensation in my cheek and only after did I realize he had slapped me. I was dumbfounded, he had never done that before, he’d only ever yell at me and break the occasional vase but I never thought he’d actually hit me.

“Don’t ever talk to me like that again.” He growled

I didn’t realize that I started crying.

“Stop crying before I give you something to really cry about.”

I stood there, stunned. I knew my parents were awful but I never thought either of them would put their hands on me. I wasn’t sure what to do, I wanted to call Ash and Ali but decided against it because I knew that they would most likely want to kill my father for this. I really wish my parents loved me.

I did what my father said and cleaned the whole house again but this time I paid extra attention to the guest room and when it was finished I decided to go to bed. I could have eaten dinner but I was too exhausted to even try.

The next day…

At school I stayed more to myself than usual and made no real effort to talk to anyone. I was just walking to my next class when a very cheery girl, who looked to be a senior came up to me and in a cheery voice said

“Hey! The father daughter dance is next week on Friday night, don’t miss out!”

She then handed me a flyer and all but, skipped away. I stood there for a moment wondering how someone could be so… happy, then I looked at the flyer and it read

“Spring Father-Daughter Dance! Next Friday, the 18th at 7! Don’t miss it!”

I just scoffed at the idea of attending it with my dad, there was no way he would take me or even consider it. I just crumpled up the flyer and shoved it in my bag. Stupid dance, stupid flyer.

I carried on with the rest of my day continuing to keep to myself. As much as I hated to admit it; I really wanted to go to the dance. I always wondered what a father-daughter dance was like and wish more than anything my dad actually carried enough to go. I knew that would never happen so I just continued to sulk about it until the school day was over.

When I got home I wasn’t surprised to find that my parents were gone, again and they wouldn’t be back for awhile. So I decided to call Ashlyn and Ali. Ali picked up on the first ring.

“Y/N?”

“Hi Ali, um- well, m-my parents left and they won’t be back for a-awhile and I was wondering if I could stay with you guys? I know we normally just have dinner together on Tuesdays but I just thought that w-we could-”

“Y/N! It’s okay, yes of course you can stay with us. We’ll be there in 15 minutes.” She said cutting off my rambling.

“Okay, thank you.”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“Of course Y/N. See you soon.”

“See you.”

After we hung up I went to go pack a bag and I couldn’t help but have a bounce in my step as I did. The 15 minutes flew by and before I knew it I was meeting Ash and Ali out front and they were putting my bag in the car.

“You, okay?” Ashlyn asked coming around and giving me a hug

“Yeah. I’m okay.”

“How was school?” Ali asked as I got in the car.”

At the mention of school I went silent. I had forgotten about the sour mood it had put me in but now I remembered why and became sad all over again.

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“I asked you how school was?” Ali turned off the car and turned around in her seat.

“Oh, it was fine.” I said trying not to look at either of them.

“Are you sure? You seem upset about it.” Ash said

“Yeah I’m sure. Nothing upsetting me today!” I said hoping they would believe me.

Ashlyn PRO//

Ali and I shared a worried glance as we watched Y/N avoid our eyes. We knew something was bothering her but didn’t want to push, so we just let it go and see if she would tell us on her own. The drive back to our house was quiet and not in a good way. I really hoped Y/N would open up to us soon, I hated when things got awkward between her, Ali and I.

When we got back to the house Y/N got out, without a word, got her stuff and headed to the garage, waiting for us to open it to let her in. After Ali and I once again shared a worried glance we opened it so she could go in and she did, presumably disappearing to the guest room.

“Do you have any Idea what could be bothering her?”

“Not a clue.”

“Do you think her anxiety is acting up?”

“No… Well maybe but we just talked about that yesterday. She knows she doesn’t have to hide that from us.”

“Hmm… I’m sure she’ll tell us when she’s ready.”

We talked for a few more minutes before heading inside. We decided to leave Y/N be and get started on dinner. After we were done we called her into the dinning room and we sat down to eat. We knew school was possibly a sensitive topic but since she said it was “fine” we decided to ask about her day anyway.

“So… learn anything new in school?”

“W-we learned about fossils.” She mumbled

“That’s cool! Anything exciting happen?”

She once again looked uncomfortable and I started to think this may have been a bad idea.

“N-nope. Nothing.”

“Y/N are you sure you’re okay?” I asked

“Ash…” Ali said, putting her hand on my arm.

“What? I just want make sure she’s okay.”

“I’m fine. School was fine.”

“Why do you seem so bothered every time we ask about it then?”

“I don’t know.”

She looked down at her shoes and I knew her facade was starting to waver. I didn’t want to push but I was starting to become really concerned.

“Hey… What is it?”

“It’s no big deal.”

“Anything bothering you is a big deal.”

“I’m fine.” She said but her voice cracked, giving away how she really felt

“We all know that’s not true. Y/N, please talk to us. It’s okay.”

“There’s a father-daughter dance next Friday.” She said quietly

“Oh, babe. Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Because it’s stupid. Not like I have a dad to go with anyways.” She said angrily

“Hey, no… It’s not stupid, not if it was bothering you and you want to go. Do you?”

“Yeah but it doesn’t matter. My dad would never willingly go.”

“I’m sorry he treats you so poorly it’s not fair.” I paused for a moment before coming up with an idea. I decided to keep it a secret for now and tell Ali later when Y/N goes to bed.

“It is what it is.” She mumbled

“Well, what if we had a movie night to cheer you up?” I said

“Thanks guys, but I think I’m just gonna go to bed. May I be excused?”

“Sure, kiddo.”

We smiled sympathetically at her as she made her way to the guest room. As soon as the door shut I turned to Ali with a big grin on my face.

“What?”

“I have an idea, but we have to keep it a secret from Y/N.”

“Okay? What is it?”

“We hold our own dance right here. On the same night as the father daughter one!”

“Ash, that’s brilliant!”

“i know, but shhh, we can’t let her know.”

“When did she say it was?”

“Next Friday.”

“Perfect. I have some calls to make.”

After talked more about the plan, we agreed to call all of our teammates, from both the Pride and the national team. I started with Alex since she was on both teams.

“Hey Al?”

“Hi Ash, what’s up?”

“Well, I’m planning a dance for Y/N. With Ali’s help of course. It’s next week on Friday night. She’s bummed about the father-daughter dance at school and I thought we could throw a better one to cheer her up.”

“Ash that’s so thoughtful. Do you need help with decorations and that kind of stuff?”

“That would be great, yeah.”

“I’m on it and I’ll text everyone and tell them not to spill the beans.”

“Thanks Al.”

“Anytime. Ahhh, she’s gonna love it.” She squealed

“I hope so. Bye Alex.” I chuckled

“Bye Ash.”

The plan was in motion and I couldn’t be more excited. We just had to keep it a secret for a week. That couldn’t be that hard.

It was very hard.

We had contacted everyone from both teams and the majority of them said they could make it, some were flying in a few days early, to come visit us and to say Y/N was confused and suspicious was an understatement. She had almost caught me talking about it on the phone several times but I convinced her it was something else. But when players started showing up she grew even more suspicious.

Hey Y/N, good to see ya!” Tobin said as she and Christen made their way into our house.

“Hi?”

“You not happy to see us?” She teased

“No, I am b-but Ash said no one was coming to visit.” she said turning to me, narrowing her eyes.

“Well we decided to surprise you, surprise!” Chris said

“So... You, Tobin, kelley, Emily, Lindsey, and Alyssa all decided to surprise me?”

“Yes?”

“Hmmm. Well thanks for coming. I’ve missed you guys.”

“We missed you too!”

The next few days flew by and by Friday everything was set to be perfect. Ali took Y/N out for the day so we could set everything up. Our Orlando Pride teammates, along with the national teammates who had flown in early were helping. Everyone else would be landing in a couple hours.

“Ash where should we hang this banner?” Christen asked, holding up the “mommy-daughter dance” banner we made.

“Right over there, above the fountain.” I said.

We were planning to have it in the backyard so everyone could fit into the space. We compiled a playlist of songs that Y/N loved along with a few that were about a mother and daughter so that we could have to special dance they had at the father-daughter dances. We also strung up some twinkly lights and made sure the yard would be as lit up as possible. While this was mostly my idea Ali and the others really helped me put everything together and I was grateful for all their help.

Ali and I agreed that I would dance with Y/N first and then she would.

“Ash, When are the others supposed to get here?”

“By 5:00. Why?”

“Ali says Y/N wants to come home now.” Alex said

“Shit. What time is it?”

“4:15.”

“Okay, that’s not too bad. But how are we gonna hide all of this?” I gestured to all the decorations and food that was set up.

“I have no idea.”

“Oooo I know!” Tobin said

“What do you got, T?”

“I’ll just convince her to play Mario Cart with me, distract her from looking at the yard, and give you, Ali and everyone else enough time to get ready.”

“That’s perfect! But what about you?”

“Oh, don’t worry. I have a perfect outfit already lined up and it’ll only take me 5 minutes to change.”

“Jeans and a T-shirt huh?”

“Yeah...”

Alex and I chuckled. Of course, classic Tobin.

Time continued to fly by and before I knew it, Y/N and Ali were home and Tobin whisked her away to play video games.

“Wow Ash, this is amazing.” Ali marveled at our handy work.

“Thanks babe, you think she’ll like it?”

“She’ll love it.” She kissed me gently.

5:00 o’clock came around and everyone else started to arrive. Tobin did a good job of keeping Y/N away from the commotion and I told everyone to come in through the side gate.

“You did good, Harris” Megan said, patting me on the back.

“Thanks, Pinoe.”

Everyone started to get ready, taking turns in the bathroom or our room. Ali and I the last to get ready. When I was sure everyone was good, and everything was set I texted Tobin letting her know it was go time.

“Okay everyone! Thank you for coming! Y/N will be out here any minute so get ready to surprise her.”

Everyone left through the side gate to wait until I gave them the signal to come in and I stood right in the middle of the yard, waiting for Tobin to bring out Y/N. I heard the door to the yard open and adjusted my bow tie when I noticed it was crooked.

“Okay kid, don’t peek yet okay?” I heard Tobin say.

“Tobyyy... where are we going?”

“Just one second... Okay open!”

When she did, the look on Y/N’s face was one that I would never forget. Her eyes sparkled as took everything in and when she saw me standing there, she started to tear up. She really started to cry when she saw the banner we made.

“Mommy-daughter dance. Ash... You did this for me?”

“Of course kiddo. I wanted you to have a special night tonight, even if it meant you didn’t go to the dance at your school.”

“This is so much better, thank you!”

She ran to me and jumped in my arms. I caught her with ease and spun her around, peppering her face with kisses as she giggled.

“Anything for you baby girl.”

“Where’s Ali?”

“She is here, that’s actually the other part of the suprise. Ali! Guys!” I called out to them.

Everyone walked through the gate, Y/N gasping as they did.

“Oh my god. Guys?! What are you all doing here?”

“Well... we know this is a mommy-daughter dance but we wanted to be here for your special night.”

“Thank you!”

“We wouldn’t miss this for the world.” Alex said softly

Y/N PRO//

I was overflowing with emotions, I had never felt so loved in my life. I hugged everyone and thanked them for coming before finally getting to Ali. She smiled at me with tears in her eyes and opened her arms, which I quickly ran into.

Ali... how can I thank you?”

“Save a dance for me?” She giggled

“Of course.”

“As much as I would love to chat with you, I think someone is waiting for you on the dance floor.” She said pointing at Ash. I looked back at her hesitant to leave.

“I don’t mind at all. Go have fun, we’ll dance soon.”

“Thank you mama, I love you.” I said before kissing her on the cheek and running off to dance with Ashlyn. That was the first time I had ever called her mama but I thought it was a fitting title and her and Ash are the parents I’ve always wanted

I joined Ash on the dance floor and she signaled to someone to change the song to a slow one. She smiled down at me as she took my hands in hers. Our height difference made it so I was definitely going to be stepping on her toes but she didn’t seem to mind.

“Thank you for all of this, mommy. I was so bummed about missing the other dance but I couldn’t be happier.” I said softly. I saw suprise cross her face at the new name I had given her but she embraced it without hesitation.

“I’m so glad, little one. Your mama and I love you so much. We always will.”

“I love you both more than I’ll ever be able to explain. You guys are the parents I’ve always wanted and the family I’ve always needed.” I said getting emotional.

“Family. Always.”

Sorry for any mistakes - N

#uswnt imagines #uswnt #krashlyn #krashlyn x reader #ali krieger #ashlyn harris #alex morgan #christen press #tobin heath #megan rapinoe #carson pickett #orlando pride

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mossnotes · 4 years

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LMC - Excerpt 01

// On Friday afternoon, I walked out of the English department alone: I’d stayed behind to ask Emily about the passage - it was from Stoker’s Dracula, a book which I’d devoured that summer - and by the time I left through the big oak doors and stepped out into the courtyard, it was near deserted. I was wearing a heavy tweed jacket, and my mind went to the weight of my lighter and pack of cigarettes in the right hip pocket. I tilted my head up to look at the sky above me; grey, melancholic clouds twisting across a greyer still sky. Leaning against the brick behind me and digging out my lighter, cigarette hanging from my lips as I lit it, finding some difficulty from my aching fingers, cramped from writing.

I hadn’t been smoking for long, and I certainly didn’t intend on continuing the habit during my time at St. Martins, and yet here I was. I’d highly doubted it would have been permitted at all, but somehow actually seeing teachers walking around campus was a rare occasion. I fancied that they each had some kind of portal, maybe the forgotten cabinet at the back of their classroom, that whisked them to and from the staff room, so they never had to walk in the cold. Rules were strangely relaxed here - sure, they were big on presentation, but their was a definite distance between students and teachers in that, unless you shared a classroom, they would act like you didn’t exist. Once, I’d passed a teacher in a near-empty corridor and smiled at her, as one does, and she’d actually glared at me with a look of absolute disgust. It was for that reason, then, that I was able to stand here in the outside air, even if I was partially hidden from view of the windows opposite by the large trees in the centre of the courtyard, and smoke without being dragged off of the school grounds by my neck.

It only ever started as an experiment, at some hazy farewell party in midsummer. I’d never spoken to most of the people there, but as the night drew to a close and I found myself shivering on a sofa that had been dragged out into the garden, trying to look as nonchalant as possible to the group of girls chattering drunkenly beside me, they’d offered me a cigarette and I’d taken it.

I’d spluttered and coughed pathetically, of course, and they raised their eyebrows and didn’t offer it again.

A few more parties and nights spent in corners of beer gardens trying to avoid overbearing family functions later, though, and I’d quite taken to smoking. It was strangely therapeutic, to breathe so deliberately. I wouldn’t go as far as to say it was pleasant, but for a while at least, it made me feel better. Now it was habit. As far as I knew, Dean didn’t smoke, although sometimes when he emerged from his room the smell of tobacco clung to his clothes but when I asked about it, he always pleaded innocent.

I heard the doors beside me open again, and quickly stomped out my cigarette on the pavement. I looked up just in time to see Emily appear from the doors. She had donned similar colours to me again, only she wore a bulky knitted cardigan over what looked like a silk blouse. I couldn’t help but notice - I’d observed it once before in a lesson, and now unconsciously found myself thinking of it whenever I saw her - the way her gold necklace hugged the lines of her collarbone, quivering with each trembling breath, whether for exhaustion from the stairs or more to do with whatever caused the nervous tremour in her fingers.

“Rhy!” She said breathlessly when she saw me. “Thought you’d be heading back to your dorm by now.”

“I am.” I nodded, risking a glance downwards.

She followed my gaze, and saw the cigarette stub by my heel. Her mouth opened and she nodded knowingly. “Ah,” Then, after a pause. “Could I maybe bum one?”

I snorted before I could stop myself. She snapped her mouth shut, and I hurried to straighten my expression. “Ahem,” I said, recovering myself. “Sorry, I just… ‘bum one’ isn’t a phrase I expected from an English teacher.”

Emily inclined her head jerkily in an odd gesture of awkwardness. “I don’t know what you mean - it’s a perfectly ordinary phrase.”

I shook my head in resignation, but reached into my pocket again and handed her one. When she placed it between her lips, I held out my lighter for her and she cupped her hands around mine to shield the flame.

Stepping away, she joined me in leaning against the wall and I glanced at her as she blinked hard and exhaled smoke. It was evident she was a rookie.

“How do you think you did?” She asked. “On the test?”

I shrugged. “Alright, I think. It’s hard to tell, this essay writing style is pretty new to me and all.”

She nodded and suppressed a cough before she continued. “Yeah, it’s different to what you guys are used to. But you’ll get the hang of it quickly enough, and already you’re an excellent class and you’re clearly all really intelligent people so I expect you’ll all have done well… you have the added bonus of already being familiar with the passage, of course.”

“Mhm.” I didn’t know what to say, so I let Emily continue - I still squirmed at calling her that, as if she didn’t already seem far too young to be a teacher with as many years of work under her belt as she did.

“What did you think, then, when you read it yourself?”

“About Dracula?” She nodded. “Um, well, I preferred the first part, I think. When Jonathon is at the castle alone. That idea of being entirely solitary in a foreign, hostile place is what makes it so effective because he is so truly helpless, rather than later when he has the doctor and the other men for help. And obviously we all know the story of Dracula but when you actually read the original there’s so much you didn’t realise or just forgot about.”

It was Emily’s turn to stay quiet. Then she nodded, and stamped out her cigarette. “I agree. Shame we don’t study it, actually… anyway, I’m sure you have things to do, as do I, so I’ll leave you be. Have a good weekend, Rhy.”

“Bye, Miss.” I called as she walked away, but when I said it she stopped and turned back and fixed me with a look.

“Please, Emily.” She said exasperatedly. “Do I look like some stiff, old teacher who demands that kids respect their elders?”

The corner of my mouth quirked up. “No, Emily.”

“Thank you.” She smiled. “See you Monday.”

“See you.” I waited until she was all the way gone until I pushed off of the wall myself and made my way back to my dorm.

#arcxnx #carrie foley #lmc #the lmc #my writing #original writing #excerpt #dark academia #dark academic #dark academia writing #first draft

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clean-bands-dirty-stories · 5 years

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Lost Cause ~ Benny Weir

A/n: Something new to help me with writer’s block and to get something out there while I watch MBSAV to lighten my recent dark moods. Benny reminds me of Stiles and I’m loving it. Enjoy! Or don’t. I suppose I can’t tell you what to do.

Ps. Thus fic really is a part one but I’m in denial so we’ll pretend I finally succeeded in writing a one parter.

Warnings: Evil Benny. ‘Nough said. Also you have ADHD? And a stutter? I kind of had this really soft, super dorky character in mind and so I’m going with that... BYE!

MASTERLIST

My hands practically choked each other as I walked, my nerves eating at my edges and hyping me up in the worst way. It was enough that my ADHD already had me bouncing in my chair but now I couldn’t even sit down, my rapidly beating heart pumping more blood through my veins than normal. I closed my eyes, running a shaky hand through my hair as I turned, walking the way I’d just come from as I paced. “Benny,” I faux greeted no one, pretending he was in front of me. I shook my head, forcing a too wide smile and leaning back a bit, my hands shooting out in front of me so that my arms were completely straight. “Heyyyyyy Benny boy!” Immediately I cringed, my fake smile wiping off my face. “Benny. Ben Ben Benny.” I began to mumble his name over and over again, the syllables mixing as my voice grew quieter and quieter. I sighed, shaking my head. “Hopeless,” I snapped at myself.

“Ethan!” I jumped, spinning around at the sound of the familiar voice. He wasn’t coming towards me as he was too far away to even notice me, let alone be calling my name, but his voice was enough to make my throat close as my palms started sweating. I saw Benny and Ethan talking, Ethan leaning closer so they could lower their voices as his eyes scanned the halls. Whatever they were talking about, they didn’t want anyone to hear.

I looked at Benny, agonized. I couldn’t even hear his voice- I would have no hope being close to him and having his eyes on me. I slumped against my locker rather loudly. This was supposed to be the day. After three years of secretly crushing on one of the biggest nerds in the entire town, I was still too much of a loser to talk to him. Which was saying a lot because if I was being honest, Benny was ALSO a loser! Just... higher up the Loser food chain than me. I wasn’t as knowledgeable about things and preferred Star Wars over Star Trek. I liked both of them but apparently the two different nerddoms didn’t appreciate cross mixing. You picked a side. Whatever. Being a geek was complicated I guess.

That wasn’t the only thing that was complicated.

People were complicated too.

Was it too much to ask maybe? Maybe he wouldn’t even like me. Maybe it would be like some nerd version of Romeo and Juliet. I knocked my head back against my locker harder than I meant to as I rolled my eyes at myself. The impact didn’t hurt too much, but it did create more noise than I meant it too. I could t focus on that though - I was too frustrated with myself. I was overthinking again.

The noise drew Ethan’s eyes to me and our gazes locked. He froze, an eyebrow raising in confusion to see that I was looking at them before he had glanced over. My eyes shot wide and I turned abruptly, tripping over myself but regaining my footing just in time to skip around the corner and out of sight. I pressed against the wall, the air knocked out of my chest.

He’d seen me looking. Oh gosh. I’d been told my whole life that I was a ghost- everyone could see right through me. Both because my emotions were plain and simple and out there for everyone to understand and also because I blended in perfectly. I was the bottom of the bucket. Back of the pack. I was the loser that other losers called a loser. It was used to being completely unseen. Now all I could think about was that Ethan had seen me... had he seen more than that? Could he tell that I liked Benny? Did he care enough to notice me long enough to pick that up? Would he and Benny laugh about some dweeb having a crush on one of them? Or would they talk about the weirdo watching them?

Facepalming, I groaned. God I was SERIOUSLY such a lost cause.

“Hey there,” a far too sweet voice greeted. It was someone nearby but no one talked to me so I simply ignored it. When I felt a hand on my shoulder, I jumped, turning around. There stood Sarah of all people. She smiled and I swallowed. Why was she close to me? Looking at me? Talking to me? Oh gosh she was pretty.

Look I’ve had a crush on Benny for years- that doesn’t mean he’s the ONLY one that catches my attention. When a pretty girl is looking at you, a pretty girl is looking at you. “M-me?” I asked. The word came out like a sputtering engine starting on an old car- fast and choppy. I winced.

Sarah rose an eyebrow, obviously weirded out. Weirded out in the same way every normal, pretty girl was weirded out by a total mess of a person stuttering and stumbling and acting like a squirrel more than a person. I panicked a little. “Yeah, um, I just... wanted to ask if you were free this week? To hang out?” My eyes went wide and she tilted her head awkwardly. “Or maybe just have lunch?”

My mind went blank. It was no secret that she was friends with Benny and Ethan, though there seemed no reason for it since they were on opposite ends of the high school social scale. Still, it was fact, reason or not. If I sat with her I would most definitely run into Benny. YES! My brain was screaming at me so loud I almost listened. But then I thought, if I was near him, I would have every single chance to make a total fool of myself. “I’m sorry I can’t,” I answered, my heart sinking into my toes. There goes all my promises to get Benny on a date with me. The universe had aligned for some weird miracle to give me the chance to actually get close to Benny and I was turning it down.

I wasn’t just a mess or a loser. I was as coward too.

“But-“ Sarah began.

My energy drained and my self hate rising steadily, my shoulders sagged as I pushed by her. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled, totally bummed out that I couldn’t get ahold of myself.

What a complete lost cause.

I don’t know WHAT had gotten into me, but with a surge of confidence I had never in my life had, I approached Benny Weir and tapped him on the shoulder. He faced me, looking me up and down with a disgusted look on his face, and I felt a part of me die in utter humiliation and embarrassment. WHAT WAS I DOING?!

A bigger part of me though screamed, demanding I ask him before my sudden insanity ran out and I was back to square negative six. “Hi Benny,” I greeted fairly evenly. He rose an eyebrow. “M-muh-“ Crap. I took a deep breath. “My name ih-is Y/n. You probably d-don’t... probably don’t know me,” I forced out, my words moving too fast as I worried he wouldn’t be able to understand me. I closed my eyes, cringing at myself for a second. “Um.” I opened my eyes. “I j-just wanted to know ih-if you would... go... to the movies? W-with me?”

There was a pause and a smile curled onto his face. My blood began rushing in my ears and I wondered if he could hear my body having a breakdown from the inside out. “Are YOU asking ME out on a date?” He scoffed. I saw the look of burning amusement on his face.

He had a toothpick in his mouth and my eyes followed it briefly as he moved it from the right side of his mouth to the left side. “I am,” I managed, nodding as I forced myself to stand tall.

A split second’s pause. And then he was leaning against the wall behind him, bending forward a little as he busted up laughing. I took a step back, feeling like he’d just slapped me. When he stood straight again, his eyes were cruel and dark and he looked at me like I was a complete moron. Really, I was. How could I have expected anything else?

“You?” He sneered. “You think I would want to go on a date with YOU?” I flinched, taking another step back, and he pushed off the wall. “Not even I would stoop to such a level as YOU. I’m not that desperate.” A whimper came out of the back of my throat as I took another step back, but he took a step forward, following me. People were beginning to look over but his wickedly amused sneer never left his face. “I mean I know I’m not top of the food chain.” He smiled. “Yet.” Another step back from me, another step forward for him. “But you must be on something STRONG to think I’d stoop so low.” My entire body was aching and I began to curl into myself. My steps ran out as my back pressed to some random lockers but he didn’t stop walking until he was in my face, his breath hitting my neck as my eyes trained on my feet, my body shaking. “Am I supposed to know who you are? Do I know you?” He might as well have punched me in the gut. My eyes began watering. This was about to get worse. “Are you CRYING?” He hollered. Now everyone in the hall was looking. “Pathetic,” he snapped. Then he placed a kiss on the top of my head and I flinched away from it. “Present from me to you. For your troubles,” he muttered, enjoying how my cheeks flushed despite how much he was hurting me. “Don’t insult me again, Sweetheart.” Then he was gone.

Ignoring everyone else around me I slid to the ground right there in the hall, having absolutely no energy to move and run away to break down in private. It wasn’t a big deal. A few seconds after the scene ended and Benny left, people got distracted by this or that or looked away because they didn’t want to be driven to even want to help me. Once their eyes were off of me, so were their minds. I squished myself against the locker and cried in plain sight, but I might as well have been invisible. No one saw me. No one cared.

A ghost. I was a ghost. I might as well have not been there at all.

After Benny’s brutal turn down, I kept my head down. WAY down. Like middle of the Earth kind of down. Right past Hell and straight into the planet’s core. The only time I ever looked at Benny or any of his friends was when my eyes stumbled upon them while I was walking, in which I would immediately turn right around and book it the other direction.

This honestly seemed to get me more attention than trying to talk to them. One time Sarah held a door open for me and I squeaked and ran all the way back home and missed the entire school day. Another time I bumped into Erica after turning a corner and she wasn’t at all nasty, just surprised, but when she saw I was about to cry she seemed utterly speechless in the second before I blazed past her like the Devil himself was on my trail. Ethan turned to me in the one class we had together to ask what the teacher had said because he’d been side tracked and missed it and I’d raised my hand and asked to go to the bathroom and then proceeded to run out of the room. The next time I came to class I sat at the opposite side of the class as him and it was obvious he had noticed, though I don’t know why. Another time Benny and I were next to each other in line and I left the line to go to the very back, keeping my head down and trying to even out my breathing again. I didn’t think he even noticed me.

Rory and I had actually talked to a few times, before my avoid-like-the-plague attitude toward Benny and anyone associated with him. Rory was the loser’s loser too and we often bounced off of each other. He brought out my brighter side and encouraged me to be myself. We fed off of each other’s energy and never grew tired around each other. We’d even hung out outside of the three classes we had together. We’d had lunch together a few times. If I could consider anyone a friend, it would be him. He always had patience and listened to what I had to say, no matter how long my stutter caused me to take in saying it. I genuinely loved to be around him. Since neither of us had anyone that gave us the things we gave each other in our friendship, we clicked really well and enjoyed hanging out more than anything.

That changed after the Incident with Benny. I shut him out and it obviously upset him. He kept approaching me and every time I would go the other way. He’d call my name and I’d duck down and disappear into the crowd. In class I pretended I couldn’t hear or see him or move far away so he couldn’t talk to me. He was getting upset and it killed me, but I was sure that Benny had told his friends about what had happened. Surely they knew just how pathetic I was, and I didn’t need pity friends or to run into Benny on accident while hanging out with one of them or someone trying to get new material on me to give to Benny to laugh about. If he even cared enough to send someone after me.

No, in all honesty my biggest worry with continuing to be friends with Rory was running into Benny since they were so close. I just couldn’t chance having a run in with him again, my frail self confidence couldn’t handle it. Rory wasn’t one to keep his mouth shut and let dead dogs lie, though. It was only a matter of time before he cornered me and forced me to draw a line that would most definitely hurt him. I would just avoid it as long as possible...

I didn’t succeed in avoiding it for long. Rory had me wedged into a corner, face contorted with frustration as his arms were on either side of me, hands flat on the wall behind me, boxing me in. “What the heck Y/n?” He demanded. “Why have you been avoiding me?” His eyes softened in genuine worry. He was a dork but he wasn’t as stupid as people thought. He just had a one track mind and a knack for looking at the world with a far too innocent, positive outlook. “What’s wrong?” He asked.

“Rory I want you to leave me alone,” I snapped, straightening my back. I was finally losing it, just in time to convince Rory that we weren’t friends so he would leave me alone and I could return to my invisible existence at the complete bottom of the barrel, alone and miserable. He seemed confused but before he could ask, I continued before I could lose my will. “I don’t want you to talk to me oh-or be around me. It’s- It’s time- we-” I swallowed and tried again. “I’ve finally reached my peak. You’re annoying and you drive me crazy and I just want to be left ALONE. Okay? C-Can you do that?” It was mean and I knew that when his arms dropped, it hurt him. But I was in shut down destructive mode and I needed him to be completely convinced that he had to leave me alone. “Can you do that?” I asked again. He nodded and I moved past him.

Just to run right into none other than Benny. Rory turned to face me and Benny saw his friend’s expression, his eyes turning to me in disbelief and even anger. It wasn’t the amused disgust from the last time we’d had a real interaction but it was just as painful to look at. My face twisted with regret and hurt and I turned, clutching my textbook desperately to my chest as I raced off, leaving the two boys alone behind me.

I’d never felt so terrible about myself in my life. And that was saying a lot.

High school being the lucky four years was such ridiculous idea. High school was as much of a lost cause as I was. Geez I just wish I could disappear into nothing...

The tears were falling before I even hit the bathroom.

Seeing Ethan and Benny draped in girls was weird enough of a day without suddenly being ambushed by the boys on my way home. I had just got off of work and had a weird feeling in my gut when I passed by Ethan’s house like always. Except, on this very weird, very special day, none other than Ethan Morgan himself rammed into me at full speed. “Hey!” I screamed.

Ethan and Benny were suddenly in front of me and I recoiled from them. “Don’t kill us!” Ethan squealed. I would have laughed at the high pitch of the words if I wasn’t preoccupied with my guts twisting. It was more than usual but Benny had always made me feel like I was floating on air. The night seemed to have brought my cloud nine experience straight to burning rage but I’d had too much of both experiences to act on my quickly changing emotions.

I was a little annoyed though, and it gave me much more confidence to stare them down than I would have had in different circumstances. “Why would I kill you?” I demanded, rolling my eyes. “You ran into me, you didn’t steal my book.” Both boys paused, seeming bewildered by my words. “What?” I demanded.

“The spell didn’t work on you?” Benny asked, tilting his head.

My eyes narrowed. “The WHAT?”

“No time!” Ethan shouted. “Come on!” I went to keep walking but he snagged my wrist. “You’re coming with us. I have some questions to ask you after this whole thing ends.” I had questions of my own honestly and that was the only reason I followed them. The longer I was around them the more angry I got, especially when they shoved me in a frickin’ cage along with them while each of them carried water guns as if they were real weapons.

Suddenly a familiar blonde girl by the name of Erica rammed into the cage door and we all jumped, screaming. “WHAT’S GOING ON?” I screamed. “WHY IS SHE TRYING TO KILL YOU?”

“Come unlock the door,” Erica purred, her teeth suddenly different. Her canines, I realized. They were sharp and long. Inhumanly so. Like... like a dog’s. Like...

“Vampire,” I choked just as sweet little Sarah rounded into sight, teeth matching Erica’s. Fear and shock and stress overwhelmed me and I moved into the far corner of the cage, sinking down until my knees hit my chest. Despite my easy reach, as more girls came they completely ignored me, their clawed hands reaching mercilessly for Benny and Ethan who climbed onto the chair in the middle of the cage, tangled up together and screamed in complete fear.

A lot had happened and my brain was racing. Spells? Vampires? Crazy girls? It seemed every girl at school was here and as my brain kept working too hard, too fast, over too much information- the sound started to seem to get trapped in my skull. It bounced and echoed and built upon itself until I was shaking, my fingers digging into my skull and trying to rip my hair out as my breathing went hay wire. It was too much. Too much. I was frozen stiff, the noise completely overwhelming me, and I couldn’t breathe.

I’d had an anxiety attack before and honestly after the weeks of complete social isolation and emotional repression just to have a day like today with my emotions being so strong and pushy and unbearable and now with all this new, shocking information and painfully loud noise that overwhelmed me and made everything shut down inside of me one by one... I couldn’t take it.

Panic attacks only lasted for a max of half an hour for me but right as the first one ended and exhaustion started to hit, my brain went all haywire because it was so tired out and a panic attack started all over again. I was trapped, terrified, and completely confused. I had three panic attacks in a row before I finally just passed out.

When I woke up, I was curled in a ball in the corner of the cage and the sun was barely rising in the sky. “Hey she’s awake!”

“No, YOU two get away from her! I can’t believe you dragged her into this! Geez if you hadn’t love charmed us we would have gotten her out of there! We saw her totally melting down and didn’t even think to do anything. I can’t believe you dragged her into this!”

“Dude she didn’t react to the Love Potion at all! She was a little aggressive but... I just wanted to be able to ask her what the heck was going on. Why she lashed out at Rory, why we see her staring at us all the time. Why she’s immune to my magic! Maybe she’s some... threat.”

“Threat?!”

“I don’t know! You have to admit it’s a little shifty...”

Sitting up, I blinked the daze out of my eyes. Benny and Sara were outside of the cage to one side of me, arguing, and Ethan and Erica were inside the cage on the other side of me, blocking the way out. Ethan leaned down as Erica rolled her eyes, zooming at near the speed of light to the other side of the cage, dragging Benny away aggressively since his yelling was upsetting me. I watched her with wide eyes as Sara entered the cage at a normal pace, shooing Ethan away. She took his spot. When I turned to her it was me who spoke first. “Vampires?” I choked out, near hysterics.

She looked upset, her eyebrows drawn in and her eyes large and watery. “I’m so sorry.” She gushed softly, reaching out. I flinched away from her and her hand dropped, her frown deepening. “Before we ask you anything, you have the floor. I’ll answer any question. Take as long as you need.”

Closing my eyes, I took deep, even breaths to try and calm down. “Are y-yuh-y-you-y-guh-g-going-“ I cut off, my frustration making my breathing get faster which made my anxiety rise as my heart raced faster.

“Hey don’t rush,” she soothed.

“Rory,” I forced out, shaking now. “G-guh-get-get-get-g- RORY.” She was surprised by my outburst but stood. “FAST!” I added. I blinked and she was gone. Not two seconds passed and she was back, Rory by her side.

“Everyone get back!” He called, his voice firm and his face serious but his volume lowered to not hit at my weaknesses. He knew I hated yelling. He kneeled down, a foot away from me to give me space. “Y/n.” He said my name slowly as my hands rose, one flattening against my chest and the other wrapping loosely around my throat. I hadn’t had this many panic attacks in so few conscious hours in a very long time. Since my parents divorced. “Hey,” he eased, staying where he was. “Hey.”

Closing my eyes, I tried to breathe, reaching a hand out to him from my curled up shell. He immediately moved, slowly, toward me so that he could take my hand in his. After a second I looked up and he pulled me out of my shell and up to my knees so we could hug. He sighed. “Thank you,” I croaked.

After he was sure I was fine and I stopped shaking he leaned back, smiling his usual Rory smile. “No problem, Babe.”

I giggled, feeling a little dizzy. It was so nice to see his smile again that it made my head spin. “Some things never change, huh?” My smile faltered as my thoughts seemed to to center. You hurt him. “Even when everything changes, you don’t.” He looked to the others for a cue on what to say but they seemed not to have any idea because even though they were behind me, he had the same desperate expression on his face when he looked back at me. “I know about the fangs Rory.” There was a pause as I closed my eyes, running a hand through my hair. Opening them again, I looked at him. “I have questions.” I was slowly pulling myself together, trying to focus and at least begin to make sense so my head wouldn’t hurt so much.

“So do we,” Sarah added, entering the cage again. Erica, Benny, and Ethan stopped at the entrance before I motioned them in and we all sat in a circle. “You first. Ask away.” So I did. I asked about everything and anything I could think of, first having them generally explain everything they knew and then asking for details on phrases or new information or words or recalled memories that made my head spin. It seemed a long time but couldn’t have been more than half an hour when we finished.

A little shiver shook me as the morning chill finally got to me as the shock wore off. “Need a jacket?” Benny asked, taking his off and offering it. I eyed it for a second, my heart beating rapidly as it moved into my throat, attempting to gag and choke me at the same time. He shook it gently. “It won’t bite, I promise. No supernatural. Just material you wear to keep you warm.” I reached out, nodding but staying silent, as I took it. I put it on, zipping it up, and hoped my face wasn’t burning.

When I looked back to the others, Sarah and Erica’s expressions made me swallow nervously. “That’s all I have,” I said, trying to change direction back to what we were talking about so we could stray away from anyone finding out about my massive crush on Benny.

Speaking of, he went first. “Why did you blow off Rory?”

I winced. It had been a while and after last night I wasn’t sure what to think. My head was still a little foggy with post-panic and early morning sleepiness from just waking up. But still. The more I woke up the more my body burned every time I moved and the material of Benny’s jacket brushed against my skin. The more it registered that he sat barely inches away from me, our toes a hair length from touching. The more that it registered, the more I thought and felt... the more his spiteful words echoed in my brain to cut and rip at me. I looked at my legs, criss-crossed style in front of me. “I...” I began. Why did they have to start off with a hard question? My brain ran, trying to think out the answers and where they could lead so I would have a detailed story that would cover me. “I wuh-was avoiding you.” I looked up at Benny, coming up with nothing but a deviation from the truth rather than a completely new lie.

He seemed offended. “Me?” I nodded. “Why?”

My eyes narrowed. “Gee Buh-Benny I really w-wonder why.” He looked at me like he was completely flabbergasted and I got angry. I stood to my feet, my face turning red with anger. “Don’t act like you don’t know!”

Benny looked at his friends with wide eyes and mouth dropped open, his arms moving to compensate for his speechlessness. He looked back at me. “I... don’t!”

My eyes watered. Had it really meant nothing to him? Not even enough to remember it? Was he just playing it off because he felt bad? It was like I was looking at a completely different person. Like... Like someone had possessed him or something. “Did you... get puh-possessed or s-something? Like, a month or so ago?”

He looked at me like I was crazy, which would have been funny considering what he had been telling me was fact like ten minutes ago. “No!” He spat.

Ethan’s suddenly went wide. “Evil Benny.” I looked at him. “Did you have a run in with a guy who looked and sounded exactly like Benny? Except that he was a total jerk?”

“He had a toothpick in his mouth,” Benny added, realizing where Ethan was going. “And a really sick leather jacket.”

My shoulders slumped. “Yeah,” I admitted.

Benny reached up, taking my hand and pulling me back down. I gasped, recoiling from the burst of tingling warmth that light my hand on fire at the skin on skin contact. He put his hands up but I sat, keeping a few more inches in between us than before. “What happened?” Sarah asked after a second.

I looked at her, silently begging her not to make me say it. Rory wrapped his arm around my shoulders, shaking me gently and smiling comfortingly. I relaxed under his familiar touch. Rory seemed more like a brother in moments like these. Familiar and warm and caring. Protective. I was so glad for him.

Taking a deep breath, I turned back to the group. I swallowed. “Um, I asked him on a d-“ I panicked, cutting off and choking not he word. “Hang ou-out,” I managed to get out. I blushed, hoping nobody noticed. But I saw Sara and Erica exchanged a look and knew I was busted. I even felt Rory tug me away from Benny protectively and realized he was probably catching on too. How long would it take Ethan? Benny? Oh goodness. “I wanted to make more frien- make new friends. I’m luh-lonley.” I shrugged. “In case you c...” I got caught up on the letter and I struggled a few second before cutting off. “If you didn’t realize.”

“What did HE do?” Ethan asked, frowning deeply.

I shivered, swallowing hard. “He told me no,” I offered weakly. “In a r-really luh-long, round about way. W-with... some insults in the m-muh-mix. “I’m sure you c-could ask any of the stuh-students. It wasn’t pri- we weren’t alone. Very public.”

Benny winced. “I’m so sorry Y/n.”

My eyes widened as I looked at him, sitting up a little. “You know my name?”

He seemed as shocked as I was but the expression turned to one of confusion. “Of... course? Why wouldn’t I know your name?”

Rory sighed and I ducked my head. “I swear. Are you still going on about that lost cause bull crap? I told you Y/n, you’re not as invisible and overlooked as you think.”

“Invisible?” Benny scoffed. “How does someone NOT notice you?” He instantly snapped his mouth closed the second it was spoken, like he’d just uttered a curse word that would get him lynched. I looked at him with the worst blush of all time. I heard Rory chuckle in my ear and I didn’t dare look at Sarah or Erica to see their pitying expression. No way he liked me, but I knew that my eyes were full of hope because I was practically bursting and they would pity how much I liked him, even if there was no chance.

After all, no matter what anyone said, I would always be a lost cause. I shrugged. “Most people look right over me,” I said simply, casually. “The question is who WOULDN’T look over me?”

“Me,” Sarah snapped. “Rory. Benny. Those are three people that actively notice you, obviously. I went out of my way to make friends with you. Rory and you seem super close, and Benny... said his piece.” The look on her face was odd. I couldn’t place it. Her lips pressed together in an almost smile, except more smug. I’d say it was a smirk, teasing, but it was directed at Benny and there was nothing to tease him about so that didn’t make sense.

Erica leaned back, lounging. “Well,” she sighed. “You’re part of the gang now. Me and Ethan won’t be looking over you either.” She smiled and I couldn’t help but smile back.

This wouldn’t last. Everyone always realized how much of a loser I was after a while. But I could enjoy it while I got to. And damn it all, I would enjoy every millisecond of such a strong, amazing friend group as this as long as I was allowed.

When we left the cage and I got home, I realized I still had Benny’s jacket on. I looked in a mirror. The sleeves came down long enough so that only my finger tips poked out and the bottom of the sweater went to my mid thigh. I blushed, smiling dreamily as I thought of what it would mean to wear it more often. What stealing his jackets would feel like. Be like. I got so happy that I took the jacket off and put it by my backpack. I would give it to him at school when I saw him later. My thoughts were wandering to things that stealing his jacket on a regular basis came with and I couldn’t handle how it made my entire being shake to my very core. Something I wanted so bad... I couldn’t even think about it.

I showered and then changed into new clothes. Now clean and ready for the day, I slung my backpack over my shoulder and grabbed Benny’s jacket, trying not to think about how cold I was without the warmth that not just A jacket but HIS jacket gave me. I was acting ridiculous, but I couldn’t help it. I took it out before folding it and then laying it over my arm, moving my other arm so they were crossed underneath it, my arms working like a towel rack of sorts. I walked all the way to school buzzing.

At the first sight of Benny, I approached. It made me nervous but I took a deep breath. “Hey,” I greeted gently.

Benny turned, his face lighting up when he saw me. “Hey you,” he greeted, leaning against his locker and wearing a flirty smirk.

He flirts with everyone. It would do me less than just no good to think too much into it. It would do me a lot of bad, actually. So I ignored the flirt, instead offering the jacket on my arms. “Th-This is yours.”

He looked at it, frowning in... disappointment? But then he noticed my bare arms. “Keep it,” he said. “Seriously, for as long as you want. I brought my own and have a few more at home. I never see you with jackets on and it’s getting chilly.”

I rose an eyebrow, half confused. “I do hah-have my own jackets,” I assured him.

Pushing the jacket back at me, he shrugged. “Evil Benny was a jerk to you, so let me make some good memories so you don’t want to hide from me very time you see my face.” He smiled as if it was a joke but I wondered if he knew how right he’d gotten it. “Bring your own jacket and then I’ll take it from you.”

Shaking my head I pulled the jacket against my body again, trying to swallow the giddy grin trying to surface. I swallowed. “Thanks Benny,” I whispered, my shyness kicking in. My eyes dropped from his face.

I didn’t see his expression but after a second he replied, “No problem.” There was a pause.

“S-See you around,” I mumbled, leaving.

“See you,” he called back as I moved away.

I did see him after that. A lot.

#benny weir #mbav #my babysitter’s a vampire #benny weir imagine #benny weir x reader #mbav imagine #my babysitter’s a vampire imagine #atticus mitchel #atticus mitchel imagine #atticus mitchel x reader

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anonsally · 4 years

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Days 12-13 of holiday trip to Europe: Munich and return flight

These are the days we returned to Germany and then flew home.

Checking out of the hotel in Tramin/Termeno turned out to be tricky, as it took a little while to figure out where the hotel owner was, but we finally found the right entrance for the restaurant. We checked out and he told us to take some breakfast, so Wife had espresso and I packed myself a sandwich and some cake to eat in the car.

The in-law-in-laws who were picking us up were a bit late, so I had time to visit the natural food store and buy more chocolate! Finally we loaded the luggage into the car and set off. Wife drove. The scenery was spectacular in the Dolomites, but there was a bit of traffic, so we left the autobahn for part of the drive and I got to see some of rural Austria and Bavaria. The final part of the drive was, of course, stressful because it was city driving, but we made it safely to the hotel near the city center in Munich. Hugged the brother-in-law-in-law and his girlfriend goodbye and they resumed their drive back to Mainz.

We checked into our hotel. It turned out to be excellently located and with friendly staff, plus I found the bed comfortable, but it was a little run-down, the walls were too thin, the decor was rather hideous, and I couldn’t get the internet working in the evening, which was really frustrating. It worked in the morning, though.

It was only about 2:30, so after putting our things down and having a snack, we set off to see a little bit of Munich. We’d both been there before (me several times, as I dated a woman who lived there when I lived in Rome), but not recently. So we wandered around, admired Marienplatz, and saw some nice architecture. However, it was quite cold (and overcast) so we finally decided we should go to a museum. The Haus der Kunst stays open late and was nearby, plus neither of us remember having been there before.

We really liked the museum. It acknowledges its Nazi past (it was originally founded by Hitler as a “House of German Art”) while also working against Nazi ideas. We visited two exhibitions. The first, “Interiorities”, consisted of works by four contemporary women from different countries. My favorite was Njideka Akunyili Crosby, a Nigerian-American woman married to a white man. Her paintings of interiors (with and without people) explored the immigrant experience as well as intercultural/interracial relationships. Each painting also included some collage aspects, as she incorporates photos of black celebrities and Nigerian people in the walls or other parts of the compositions. Her husband appears in several of the pictures, but the works aren’t about him; they are more about her and about their relationship, and his face is usually not even fully visible (at least in the paintings shown in this exhibition).

The other exhibition was a commissioned work by Theaster Gates called “Black Chapel”. Gates is a Chicago-based African-American artist, and we enjoyed his use of the large main hall of the museum. There were those big rolling billboard things that alternate between 3 ads, but instead of ads, he had chosen photos from the 1960s from Ebony and Jet magazines. There were 2 large mirrored objects on plinths, rotating like weirdly-shaped disco balls. There was a case full of African masks piled in willy-nilly, forming a commentary on appropriation. There was also a separate room that the museum uses to house commissioned works addressing the Nazi past of the institution. Gates made a film using, among other things, some footage of Jesse Owens in the 1936 Olympics in Berlin. The footage was taken by a director (Leni Riefenstahl) who made Nazi propaganda films. Gates owns Owens’ record collection (did you know Jesse Owens was a deejay?), and has put it on display in this room too, thus showcasing multiple aspects of a black man who was snubbed by Hitler after winning four Olympic gold medals. Jesse Owens’ physical prowess and intellectual/artistic side combine to form a direct refutation of Hitler’s notions of Aryan superiority. [In particular, the footage of the races show Owens running with true physical efficiency and grace while a white man desperately and pathetically tries and fails to keep up, expending enormous amounts of extra energy in inefficient movements.]

After this, our day went slightly downhill as we got slightly lost twice on the way to dinner, as well as getting a bit wet in the rain (but I did, at least, get to put on my PONCHO), and I lost my handkerchief, which used to belong to my grandmother. But we had nice pizza for dinner! We had an early night, but I was bummed not to be able to accomplish any of the things online that I had planned to do.

Yesterday, we got up at a reasonable hour and had breakfast before packing up and checking out of the hotel. They stored our luggage while we went out to run a few errands before heading to the airport. I bought new shoes, as the ones I’d been wearing most of the trip were in pretty bad shape. I also got a fairly transcendent pretzel as well as a good pretzel-croissant, and Wife bought a bottle of wine to bring home. Then we picked up our luggage and took the train to the airport. And that was the end of our vacation!

#personal #travel #art #food #even though there is no picture of food here

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pug-bitch · 5 years

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That’s not why I’m going (10)

Especially when it comes to your heart

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Drake Walker x Amara Suarez

Rating: some foul language, some extremely suggestive, some steamy flashbacks. This is NOT appropriate for people under 18.

Word count: 3,850 (let me know if the ‘keep reading’ cutoff isn’t working well!)

Notes: This relates the aftermath of Drake and Amara’s (Dramara? I’m taking a page out of @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria ‘s book for couples’ names :)) first time having sex. It starts with Drake’s POV, the next morning.

Also, I’ve been writing like a crazy person this weekend but, full disclosure, I’m about to have a pretty insane work week, so it might be a few days until I post Part 11. That being said, I have a very precise plan for it, so stay tuned! The next episode is also when shit gets real, so...there’s that :D

*****

‘Earth to Drake?’

He shakes it off, and realizes Liam is offering him another croissant. ‘Oh, yeah, thanks.’

Liam was right. Drake hadn’t touched Earth ever since last night. He couldn’t stop thinking about the amazing night he’d had with Amara, and flashbacks were populating his mind, preventing him from being a functional member of this group breakfast. He thought of the closeness they’d shared the night before, when they made love and fell asleep in each other’s arms, spent and satisfied. He thought of Amara’s alarm waking them up at 5.30, and how they’d made love again, lazily, all the while waking up together. He thought of the taste of her kiss, the touch of her hands, the feel of her body against his. He thought of her, persuading him to take a shower together, to prolong their togetherness. He thought of how they had made love again in the shower, Amara bent over against the wall, and Drake sliding inside her, again and again--

‘Walker, wake up. People are trying to talk to you.’

Olivia’s curt wake up call had shaken him back on track. He passes the jam to Hana, as she had been waiting for it for a good two minutes, while Drake was replaying his and Amara’s double morning sex in his mind. He blushes, acutely aware of the inappropriateness of the situation, but as soon as he makes eye contact with Amara, he realizes she is probably feeling the same way, as the embarrassed but cheeky look on her face betrays.

They all share breakfast, coffee, and stories in the grand salon, by the fireplace. This place is nice, he thinks. Luxurious, yes, but rustic. Everyone is in good spirits, except maybe Maxwell, who seems less enthusiastic than usual. Drake feels grateful for him today though, since his text telling Amara that he’d meet her directly downstairs this morning allowed them to have extra time together.

‘So,’ Olivia announces, ‘today I would like to take everyone on a tour of the grounds, and then I would be happy to invite Prince Liam to a private lunch with me, before we all reconvene to ski a bit more in the afternoon. Tonight, I have a special wine tasting and dinner planned for all of us. While Liam and I are at lunch, my staff will be at your complete disposal should you need anything.’

Everyone thanks her and agrees to the plans, except Liam, who interrupts: ‘Thank you, Lady Olivia, I gladly accept your lunch invitation. However, as far as the tour goes, I’m going to need a raincheck. I need to speak to Drake, maybe the two of us will go for a walk. But please, everyone enjoy the tour and I will see everybody on the slopes.’

Uh oh, Drake thinks. What is that all about? Maybe Liam just needs a breather, but somehow, he has trouble believing that things would be exactly like they used to be.

On their way out, Drake wonders if Liam can tell that he just spent the night with Amara. Does he smell like her? No, he showered. But, he showered with her, so… But how would Liam know Amara’s smell? After all, given his obsession with her, he had probably sent someone to steal one of her shirts to smell as he falls asleep at night.

Alright, he needs to play it cool. He already had growing feelings for Amara the last time he had a heart to heart with Liam, and it went ok. Well, he had called Liam out on his entitlement, but he had kept everything else together. But now, the stakes had skyrocketed since last night.

He realizes he was stuck in his head again, and Liam waves in his face for him to start listening.

‘Drake, is everything ok? I just wanted to make sure you and I were good. You’ve been acting weird.’

Oh, so that was that. ‘I’m fine, Li. I promise.’

‘Good. I’ve been doing some thinking. You were right about me being pushy towards Amara. She did seem distant last time, on our one-on-one, and I guarantee you that it’s because, well...you were right. I summoned her, and that was wrong of me. So, I’m gonna try and play it cool.’

‘Good. I’m glad to hear this.’

‘I mean, I said I’ll try. I’m crazy about her, Drake. She’s...something else, you know?’

Oh, he knew. ‘Yeah. She’s pretty cool.’ Understatement of the year. He tries not to think of her arched back, as she was riding him slowly, this morning.

Liam pauses for a long time, and seems to be looking for the right words. ‘I heard that you two are getting to know each other.’

Drake’s heart threatens to jump out of his chest. Holy shit. ‘Um,’ he hesitates, ‘what do you mean?’

‘Oh, just that Bastien saw you two at a bar a few days ago. I’m glad she is surrounded with people who are making her feel welcome.’

Drake gulps. This is not the moment to fuck up. ‘Yeah, she was bummed out when I bumped into her that day, she missed New York and her family. She asked if I knew of any bars, so I took her to one.’ He’d made this sound as natural as possible.

‘I’m glad. She is not used to this setting, and you are probably the one person who can understand this the most. I’m glad you guys are friends. You’d say you’re friends, right?’

This felt like a trap. ‘Yeah. She’s nice and really funny. I could see us becoming friends.’ Friends who go down on each other, maybe.

Liam smiles. ‘That’s great. Just one thing, Drake.’

Uh oh. ‘Yeah?’

‘Next time you sneak her out, don’t keep it a secret. I’d rather hear it from you than from my bodyguard.’

Drake wanted to open his mouth and say a whole bunch of things. Like, what the hell, Liam. She doesn’t belong to you. She’s a grownup and she doesn’t need anyone tracking her movements. Or maybe, fuck you Liam, I’m falling in love with her and we’re gonna run away together. But he knew that House Beaumont was on the line, and that Amara felt guilty enough about deceiving Maxwell in particular. This was not the moment to blow up. If he stayed quiet for a little bit longer, they could find a way to be together, maybe. So, he kept his mouth shut, and once again, nodded at what his childhood friend wanted him to do.

*****

‘How do you like Lythikos, Suarez?’

Olivia and Amara had stuck around after the tour, sipping on another coffee on the patio, wrapped up in their winter coats and hats.

‘It’s gorgeous, Olivia, really.’

Olivia gives her a knowing smirk. ‘Did you guys bone?’

Amara nearly chokes on her coffee. ‘Excuse me?’

‘Oh please, cut the crap. I’m the one who arranged for the isolated rooms. I deserve some details.’

Amara couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She looks around, making sure no one can hear, and whispers, ‘It was fucking amazing.’

Olivia smirks some more, and says ‘Glad to hear that. How many times?’

‘Oh, come on. You can’t be serious.’

‘Do you want me to take your lock away?’

‘Three.’

Olivia nods in sign of respect. ‘Good. Enjoy the privacy tonight, too. I suppose Drake told you about my reasons? I don’t want you to believe I’m just doing this out of the goodness of my heart.’ She uses air quotes around the words ‘goodness’ and ‘heart’, which Amara finds very much on brand.

‘Yeah, he did. So, you want Liam that bad, huh?’

Olivia remains silent, looking at a distant point in the sky.

‘Olivia? Do you have feelings for him?’

She snorts. ‘As if I’m going to tell you that.’

‘Come on. If you tell me, I’ll give you one more detail about last night.’

‘Oh please, I’m not that desperate. Plus, I don’t want any graphic details about Walker’s dick, thank you very much.’

Amara laughs, and is immediately transported in her daydreams again. Oh, she’s got graphic details for days.

Olivia gives in and continues: ‘Liam has always been there for me. I’ve always envisioned myself with him, that’s all. When my mind is set on something, I don’t let it get away from me. I don’t give up.’

Amara doesn’t know what to say. She understands what Olivia is saying, of course. Plus, she’d heard from Maxwell about her tragic childhood, with her parents dying when she was five. Of course she would value her relationships with the people who’d supported her. But it broke her heart to think that Liam was visibly taking Olivia for granted, when she was a complete badass and a stunning woman. ‘I get it. But, forgive me for saying this, have you thought of, you know, meeting other people, and seeing what your options are? Anyone would be lucky to have you, Olivia, so I don’t think you should limit yourself to waiting for one man.’

Olivia looks straight in her eyes, and Amara feels like an icicle is burning through her skull. Shit, she should have kept her mouth shut. ‘What do you think I am, a pathetic virgin waiting for her prince? I fuck my bodyguard every day,’ she says while gesturing to the hunk of a man who’s sitting in the next room, at a safe distance.

‘Oh. Um, good, he’s, um, very hot. But that’s not what I meant. You make yourself available for Liam, when he’s holding a competition for his hand. Men should be lining up for your hand, Liv.’

Olivia pauses, seemingly taking in what she’s hearing. ‘Touché. You’re right, they should.’

They drink their coffee in silence, until Olivia breaks the ice and asks: ‘Why do you dislike Liam so much?’

Amara, slightly taken aback, replies: ‘Oh. I don’t dislike him. I actually really liked him when we first met, I thought he was genuine, nice, and funny. I was not attracted to him, but--’

‘So, why are you here?’

Oh, the million dollar question. ‘Olivia, I--’

‘No, that’s ok, don’t answer. As I told you before, I know it’s complicated, I can tell.’

Amara takes a deep breath. ‘I liked him in a genuine, friendly way, and the night I met all of the guys, I felt really good, really alive for the first time in...two years. Max inviting me to Cordonia was the push I needed to leave my shitty life behind. I can’t even call it my old life, because the life I was living in NYC for the past two years wasn’t even my life, it was a fabricated, shell of a life I had imposed on myself. Meeting the guys shook me out of it a little. Showed me I was still fun, still spontaneous. Showed me I could turn my life around if I wanted.’

She realizes she had said all that in one single breath. She finally exhales.

Olivia gives her an honest smile, and Amara wonders if she’d ever seen her really smile before. ‘I get it, Amara. Now, the circumstances are different.’

‘Exactly. In New York, Liam was a nice, potential friend I had just met. He was fun, friendly, and pleasant to be around. But here, I don’t know. He’s very pushy with me, tricks me into meeting him in the gardens, and I feel very guilty every time I push him away. I also think he acts in a very shitty way with you and with Drake, taking both of you for granted. So, yeah, maybe I’m growing to dislike him, in his natural habitat.’

Olivia chuckles. ‘He’s not always like that, you know.’

‘Oh, I can imagine. I trust your judgment, and Drake’s. If you both see something in him, I don’t doubt that he’s a good guy. I’m sure he’s under a lot of pressure right now. I’m also aware that I’m not being honest with him, and if I could tell him the truth, maybe we could be actual friends and bond in an honest manner.’

Olivia nods and ponders. ‘That’s fair.’ She looks at her watch. ‘Oh, I have to meet him soon, I need to go reapply some lipstick, if you’ll excuse me.’

‘Of course. Thanks for the chat.’

‘Anytime.’ Olivia pauses, walks away, and turns back around. She grabs her cup of coffee, and puts her hand on Amara’s arm. ‘I enjoyed our talk, Detective.’

*****

Amara was still shaking. How much did Olivia know? Had she just googled her quickly and found her NYU Alumni page, or had she been digging deeper? Knowing Olivia, it was probably the latter. Amara wasn’t ready for everything to come out; she had considered talking to Drake about it, especially since he had seen her cry and knew more or less about Michael, but talking to other people, no, that was not an option.

She was walking aimlessly through the hallway when she saw Maxwell heading to the dining room.

‘Hey Maxwell!’ she says, trying to forget about the end of her conversation with Olivia.

‘Hi, Amara’, he said flatly with a weak smile.

Huh, she thinks. This doesn’t look like Maxwell at all. ‘Are you ok, Max?’

He opens his mouth, but then closes it.

‘Max, you’re scaring me. Are you feeling ok? Did you have another fight with Bertrand?’

He looks around, seems to ponder a response, and asks ‘Is it just a fling?’

Boom. Second hit of the day. And to think she had been actually excited to get up this morning, after the amazing night she’d had. She didn’t feel like playing coy with Maxwell, who had been such a strong support, on all fronts. ‘No. How about we get some food and go talk in my room?’

Maxwell nods, and they head to the kitchen.

Once safely in Amara’s room, they plop down on the bed and on the loveseat respectively, and as Maxwell pecks timidly at his food, Amara goes for it. ‘How do you know?’

He sighs. ‘I came to talk to Drake last night and um...I heard you guys.’

Amara’s eyes fill with tears. She feels bad for her friend, who had trusted her. ‘I’m so sorry you had to find out like that, Maxwell. Truly.’

‘How long has it been going on?’

‘Um...I’m not sure, but about a week, I’d say.’

He nods, and offers a faint smile. ‘Do you like him?’

Amara’s face instantly lights up. ‘Yes. I really, really do.’

‘So, I suppose the competition is over for you?’

‘Maxwell, that’s not what I said. I don’t want to let you down--’

‘I’m gonna stop you right there.’ He comes to sit right by her on the bed and takes her hand. ‘You have zero obligation towards me, especially when it comes to your heart. I have no intention of pimping you out to Liam against your will, Amara. It actually hurts that you’ve been thinking that I would.’

‘I didn’t think that exactly, but I have to admit, what prevented me from being honest is that, well, you and Bertrand especially have been telling me that I’m House Beaumont’s last chance, so--’

Max interrupts, his head in his hands. ‘Oh my God, I had no idea we were getting into your head like that. Of course you have no obligation, Amara. If you want to withdraw, you can, and we’ll find a solution for House Beaumont.’

‘Actually, I think withdrawing would be a mistake. Hear me out.’

Amara explains everything to Maxwell: how she doesn’t want to ruin Liam and Drake’s friendship, and how she believes that everyone will benefit from Liam choosing someone else. If she just keeps a low profile, maybe Olivia, or even Madeleine, can be Queen, but House Beaumont’s sponsored suitor remains respectable and she can help Maxwell and Bertrand raise funds when the competition is over. She lays out her plan, explaining to him that Drake has a business degree and could take a look at their finances even, but Maxwell refuses point blank.

‘Ok to a low profile. I’ll stop pushing one-on-one dates with Liam. If he chooses you, you turn him down. That way, maybe we can play on a loophole, and the Crown can still sponsor the House. If he chooses someone else, then you’re free.’

‘Deal. And I promise I’ll help you guys out. What matters now is that we keep playing along. Now that I’ve gotten to know Olivia better, I can even help her have alone time with Liam, kind of like sabotaging myself by allowing her to tag along. What do you say?’

Maxwell regains his composure, or rather, his usual excitedness. ‘That would work. OMG Amara, I’m loving the scheming! I have to say, I was really hurt that this all happened behind my back, but I understand your reasons. One more thing though, um… I don’t know how to ask you this…’

Amara laughs heartily, and hugs her friend. ‘Don’t worry Max, I won’t say a word to Bertrand.’

He hugs her back, sighing with relief. ‘Oh thank God.’

*****

Drake had always enjoyed the outdoors, especially on a gorgeous day like this one. Hard to believe there was a blizzard just yesterday; now the snowy clouds had given way to a beautiful blue sky. He was trying to relax on a quick hike and get all of the day’s stressful interactions out of his head. Amara had texted him earlier to say that Maxwell knew and was supportive, thankfully. But now, he had no idea how to handle the rest of them.

He almost turns around when he sees Liam and Madeleine talking together, walking in the opposite direction. But it’s too late, Liam has seen him. ‘Drake! Where are you headed?’

‘Oh, just stretching my legs before the wine tasting. Is it time to head back already?’

‘No, you’ve got time.’ Liam flashes a smile. ‘Where’s everyone else, do you know?’

‘Yeah, I was just with Max and Amara, they’re skating with Hana I think, she’s teaching them some moves.’

‘Good, let’s go see what they’re up to, shall we, Lady Madeleine?’

Madeleine plasters on a fake smile and replies ‘Of course, I’d be delighted to.’

Ugh. He waves goodbye and continues walking away. He truly cannot stand Madeleine. He’d always known that she was a fake friend to Savannah, who looked at her like she was a fucking work of art and a fabulous mentor. Of course she would never listen to him when he told her to watch her back. Although it was obvious that he hadn’t told her in the most diplomatic way... Drake was convinced that Madeleine had been the worst to Savannah, among the fake people at court. Plus, the very fact that she was here, competing for Liam’s hand when, just last year, she was engaged to be married to his brother, showed that all she cares about is the crown. And yet, Liam had to entertain her and act as if he were into her. Well, ‘had to’... Liam liked pleasing people, which Drake had never understood, but of course it came with the job description; you can’t be a prince and tell people to fuck off.

His phone buzzes in his pocket. He removes his gloves to retrieve it, and sure enough, a text from Amara.

Oh no, Madeleine is coming my way. Send help.

He chuckles. He imagines her sneaking away to send an illicit text, and this little forbidden gossip session feels incredibly warm and intimate.

He replies promptly.

Uh oh, that one might be on me, Suarez. I bumped into her and Liam and told them you guys were skating. I owe you big time…

The dots appear. She’s typing. God, this feels nice. Drake finds a small boulder to sit on while he’s waiting for her message. He takes in the gorgeous view. Things could be a lot worse.

OMG Walker, you DO owe me big time. I’ll think of a way you can repay me…

Heh, he thinks. It took only two texts for their exchange to become suggestive. They truly were still enmeshed in one another, even in the middle of all these people, with all these responsibilities… He had thought of her all day. He had loved every interaction with her, even pulled off some sneaky hand holding at times. Easy to do when you’re skating.

I’m sure you’ll find a way. I’m at your entire disposal, Detective.

The dots appear, then disappear. Then appear again, and vanish one more time. Oh no, had she gotten caught by Madeleine? That one was always on the prowl for some scandal to reveal, they would have to tread lightly. Finally, a message appears.

Speaking of Detective...I forgot to tell you with all that Maxwell drama, but Olivia knows about my old job. I don’t know how that might affect me, but it freaks me out.

Shit. Liv might have been super understanding about the two of them, but he knew how private Amara is with her past. This can’t be good, right?

Damn, I’m sorry. Are you ok? Any idea how she found out?

More dots.

No clue. I’m assuming she googled me, Madeleine asked me what I studied in college and where, so maybe she found me on the NYU Alumni network?

Shit. If Olivia was digging dirt, then maybe Madeleine was doing the same? There was nothing wrong with Amara having been a part of the NYPD, but she didn’t want to talk about it. And it was stressing her out. So, he types one last message.

On my way back, Suarez. I’ll be here soon, don’t go anywhere.

*****

Amara was grateful for Drake rejoining the group. She felt bad about cutting their sexting short, but when he called her Detective, she suddenly remembered Olivia’s revelation that she knew about her past. She had to remain calm about it, though. No need to freak out. It was Olivia, who had never done anything against her. She didn’t call her ‘Detective’ in a threatening way, just a playful throwaway at the end of a conversation. Did she aim to throw Amara off? Absolutely. But did she mean her any harm? Amara highly doubted it; she had come to trust Olivia’s judgment, so she would have to continue trusting it for now. Nothing she could do. She also didn’t want to ruin her last night in Lythikos with Drake.

Speaking of, here he was, walking back quickly towards the frozen lake. Amara gestures for him to join her on the side, where she was watching the others from.

‘Hey,’ he says, slightly out of breath from power walking in the snow. ‘Are you ok?’

‘Yeah, don’t worry. I just wanted to keep you in the loop. I’ll figure it out.’

He smiles at her, almost leans in to kiss her, visibly forgetting their surroundings. He catches himself and awkwardly runs his hand through his hair, removing his hat. ‘I wish I could kiss you,’ he whispers.

‘Me too. Later, though. I’m excited about the wine tasting.’ She inches closer and whispers ‘I’m very uninhibited when I have wine.’

He looks at her hungrily and smiles. ‘Good. Me too.’

*****

Taglist:

@andy-loves-corgis , @drakewalkerwhipped , @drakxwalker , @drakewalkerrosenberg , @drakeswalkers , @drakelover78 , @silviasutton1989 , @jovialyouthmusic , @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria , @mariahschoices , @drakesensworld , @thequeenofcronuts , @notoriouscs , @drakewalkerisreal , @nikkis1983 , @simsvetements , @alesana45

Thank you for your encouragements, everyone! Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist :)

#that's not why i'm going #drake walker x amara suarez #drake walker x mc #drake walker #drake walker trr #drake x mc #trr drake #drake trr #choices trr #trr fanfic #the royal romance fanfic #the royal romance

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vampiric-daydreams · 6 years

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What Would Never Be (Part 2)

Here is Part 1

Jasper x Reader

Request 1: Can you do a pt 2 to What Would Never Be where the Jasper & Alice break up after Jasper finds out Alice kept her vision the reader being his true mate from him? - anon

Request 2: I’m not sure how old the post “What would never be” is but I wondered/was curious if you were still thinking of writing a second part? Jasper has found out the reader is his true mate, could you also include how the Cullens would react to the news & maybe meeting her for the first time? Thank you X (cont..) Could you maybe include readers reaction to finding out Jasper is a vampire? X - @raindancer2004

Word Count: 1942

A/N: I got two requests for part 2 so I’ve combined them. I’m sorry I didn’t include every tidbit of what you asked for in detail - a few fleeting sentences here and there were the best I could do. This took five completely different drafts and the first four were choppy. I’ve finally written a version I’m happy with and this one flows a thousand times better than the previous ones. I hope everyone can enjoy this!

They were surrounding you as you stood in the main lounge of their home. The expressions on each of their faces were difficult to read; ranging from what you considered uncomfortable to outright confused. It was hard to not take any of it personally. The situation had made waves in their household.

Jasper gave your hand a reassuring squeeze. You still processed it all. Sure, the Cullens had stood out around town; but vampires? Suddenly aware of your own heart beating, you tightened your grip on Jasper’s hand and recounted the events that landed you in this situation.

It was a sunny day in Forks, a rarity. The weather was warm, but not hot – and yet you could feel sweat forming on your forehead. The true pitfall of living in a cold, rainy town was the lack of summer clothing you owned. Your wardrobe – and everybody else’s – consisted largely of thick woollens and denims. Still, your jeans and shirt would get you through the day.

The excitement had the cafeteria buzzing. Beach dates and pier-diving sessions were being planned. Everyone welcomed the warmer weather; yet despite all the optimism surrounding you, you still noticed a negative. Jasper wasn’t at school. Neither were the rest of his family – most likely on another family camping trip away in the wilderness. You took a large bite of your lunch and tried to shake away the image of Jasper sharing a tent with his girlfriend. Getting intimate.

You had no reason to dislike Alice. She was never rude to anybody, and she always projected an aura of positivity; but the green-eyed monster within you was rearing its ugly head. It was difficult to bury once it emerged.

“(Y/N)!” Your best friend’s voice cut through your imagination. She stared at you as if she was waiting for a response. She’d been asking you something.

“Sorry,” you frowned, “I’m just having one of those days.”

“Jasper again?” She toyed with her hair. The ponytail she had just finished tying was the fourth hairstyle she’d worn that day.

“I can’t stop thinking about him. No matter where I am or who I’m with he’s all I can focus on. It’s driving me insane. Why do I have to be so hung up over a guy I’ll never have?” Then, you thought to yourself, he even overruns my dreams.

“Then come with us after school. We’re going to the beach for a few hours while the weather lasts. It might take your mind off him for a while.”

You scoffed. As if you could forget about Jasper Hale that easily. It wasn’t as simple as that. Whenever you saw him in class, all you could do was gaze at the back of his head, at his perfect honeycomb curls. It felt painful to tear your eyes away from him; but that pain held no candle to what it felt like to see the light in his eyes when Alice was with him.

There was a pull you felt towards him. You couldn’t explain it, but it felt as insane as it was pathetic. You wished you could get rid of it.

“I’ll let you know after school.”

The sun didn’t grace Forks for long. By the end of the school day the clouds had returned to cloak the town in an unwelcome but familiar shadow; and threatened to pour with rain. The beach plans were cancelled as fast as they had been formed. You stood alone in the car park beside your best friend’s car. As soon as the weather had taken a turn, she’d texted you suggesting retail therapy instead. You hoped she was right about it still being a decent distraction.

Jasper. His name echoed in your mind before you even realised it was him walking out of the office – likely collecting missed schoolwork. As ridiculous as it sounded, Jasper had an ethereal grace whenever he did anything. He wore a stylish grey coat with a blue shirt, and his hair was nicely in place. He didn’t look like he was going anywhere near the wilderness.

“I thought you were going camping?” You took a chance and called out to him. Since that time in the library with him, you’d spoken a few more times. He didn’t seem bothered by it. He looked over at you and smiled, walking closer.

“Change of plans,” he squinted at the sky, “I know I’m not the only one.”

“Yeah, everyone’s pretty bummed out about the change,” you told him. Over the past few weeks you’d improved with how you behaved in his presence. Sure, you stared like a deer in headlights when he wasn’t watching – but while you interacted with him you maintained your composure.

“Did you have plans, as well?”

“I was thinking about going to the beach, but I wasn’t sure. I guess Mother Nature decided for me.”

He chuckled. You made him laugh. The sound of it was so beautiful to you it nearly crumbled every ounce of composure you had. He cleared his throat. “Well, I’d better get home. I have work to catch up on, it seems.”

Your heart sunk, you wanted him to stay. Smiling anyway, you replied. “Okay, see you tomorrow if you’re in.”

With that, Jasper left and made his way towards a blank-faced Alice and a concerned-looking Edward. Your eyebrows knitted together. Is something wrong? Upon noticing Alice’s expression, Jasper hurried over to her – putting his hands on her shoulders and gently shaking her as if she was asleep. He muttered something to Edward, and the three of them climbed into his Volvo; but not before Alice’s eyes met yours. You could have sworn she frowned at you for a split second. In her eyes you could see she knew something you didn’t. Your heart stopped.

When the Cullens acted strange during the days that followed, it only affirmed your belief that something was wrong that day. And that thing was related to you. There was a lumpy feeling in your throat and stomach and it thickened every time you saw a Cullen; or as it seemed when a Cullen saw you. It seemed as if the entire family suddenly knew of your existence. It began only with Alice and Edward, who gave you varying looks of discomfort and curiosity. Then Emmett held the door open for you; not passively either. He waited the whole ten seconds it took for you to catch up to him. Rosalie glared at you a few times and then traded the hostility for awkward smiles. The only one who still seemed unchanged was Jasper. He was focusing on Alice more than ever. Her light was fading, he could see it. But why?

On the third and final day of the ambiguity, clarity presented itself. Jasper had been waiting by your locker after the final bell. Your heart skipped a beat as you strode over to him. He didn’t look happy, but he didn’t seem upset, either.

“Hey, Jasper.” You smiled at him. “Do you need me for something?”

“I’m sorry if my family has been making you feel uncomfortable these past few days.” Sincerity swam in the honey pools that were his eyes. You weren’t sure how to respond.

“Uncomfortable isn’t what it was...”

“Regardless, I want to apologise.”

“Thank you. I-” you cut yourself off. “Did something happen?”

Jasper’s eyes flickered, a range of emotions flittering through them in half a second, and too many to count. “Alice and I broke up.”

Your chest ached. “I’m so sorry.”

“Based on some decisions that were made, Alice thought it would be best for us both.” Despite what was coming out of his mouth, Jasper maintained composure. His eyes didn’t water. His fists remained unclenched. He seemed more himself than ever.

“If there’s anything I can do-”

“That’s why I’m here.” You titled your head. He continued. “I wanted to know if you wanted to go on a date, sometime.”

Your throat felt blocked. You had dreamt of this day, but you’d never imagined it to be like this – with Jasper asking you out mere hours after breaking up with his ex. It felt so wrong.

“Jasper, I’m sorry but my conscience won’t let me do that to Alice.”

“Actually, it was Alice who suggested we go out. It doesn’t have to be immediate. I wanted to make my intentions clear. Honestly, I’m a little uncomfortable with throwing myself at another woman so quickly – and frankly I’m relieved you share the feeling.”

You were speechless. How could you even respond to something like that? What were you supposed to say? Instead, you nodded. He held out a white piece of folded paper to you. You took it. “Your number?”

He smiled. “Text me, call me. I’m not ready to explore a romantic relationship with you yet, even though I’d like to. But I want to get to know you – if it’s something you’d want to do.”

You placed the paper in your pocket. It was a strange feeling, and not at all what you’d imagined. Yet, despite it, your heart was skipping beats and your stomach was overwhelmed with butterflies.

“Until then,” Jasper gently kissed the apple of your right cheek. You forgot how to breathe. “Friends?”

“Friends.”

It would take time. It wasn’t as though you expected immediate comfort and acceptance. Their entire ‘family’ dynamic was uprooted because of you. Esme offered you a reassuring smile; the warmth and genuine kindness in her eyes almost made you feel welcome. Still, it seemed like it was too soon to be frequenting their family home.

You had been dreaming about being Jasper’s love-interest for so long, and now here you were. But it didn’t feel right, yet. Something was missing. You didn’t feel you were ‘in’ the group like Bella was. Nobody had treated you poorly – even Alice had shown you kindness. Regardless, it would take time to feel secure enough to feel as though their eyes weren’t watching you.

It was like you were under a spotlight and they were inspecting your every flaw. You clenched your teeth and smiled as Jasper spoke. “I’ll be with (Y/N) for the day. Don’t wait up.”

The two of you turned and walked outside after you offered his family a series of awkward goodbyes. It wouldn’t be like this forever, you knew that. It wasn’t them, it was you. Regardless of how everything had panned out you couldn’t shake feeling you’d done something wrong. Behind each of Emmett’s jokes and Carlisle’s kind gestures you imagined a series of falsehood and judgement. It wasn’t true. They had welcomed you, but you wouldn’t feel welcome until you welcomed yourself.

Jasper cupped your face in his after closing the front door behind you. “You mean a lot to me, (Y/N). I really want to make things work between us.”

“So do I,” you whispered in return. It would take work to get yourself to the place you needed to be. The place where you felt relaxed around his family; around Alice. But you were eager to try your best.

Sometimes, late at night when you were alone, you hoped that you might have forever to try.

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xxwarriorkitty · 5 years

Text

Long Black

Photo credit: © spin off

Park Jin Young (ft. Jaebum, Yugyeom and Bam Bam) | Single Dad AU, Angst, Fluff | 18,185 words

This is a behemoth of a story because once I got the idea of Single Dad Jinyoung stuck in my head, there was no turning back. Enjoy! 😘

“Just go talk to him already.”

I blinked, my head turning back to my friend, cheeks already heating up at being caught. “Hmm? Who?”

Jihyun narrowed her eyes at me. “Who do you take me for, Kang Ryeo Won? You’ve been staring at Book Guy for the past ten minutes. With your mouth open, might I add?”

“Was not,” I muttered out a quick denial, before furiously moving my pencil across my sketchbook as if I had been deeply engrossed in my work and not staring across the café at the man we’d come to nickname ‘Book Guy’.

He was, as he often did, sitting alone in front of the tall glass windows, a steaming cup of coffee in front of him as he buried his nose in yet another book. I came to this café often because it was near my apartment, and he did too. He was a friend of the owner, Im Jae Bum; I could tell from the way the latter often sat down and chatted with him when there weren’t too many customers. We saw each other so frequently that sometimes, we would smile at each other politely when our paths crossed, but that was the extent of our acquaintance. We never spoke or exchanged names, hence the nickname. Once in a while, Jihyun would meet me here and each time, if Book Guy was here, she’d tease me mercilessly and try to goad me into talking to him. It’d never worked before, and it was definitely not going to work today.

“I don’t know what you’re so afraid of,” Jihyun said, not buying my words. “Aren’t you a little too old to be crushing on a cute guy from afar?”

“I’m not crushing on him,” I refuted, glancing up at her. “And stop staring at him, or he’ll know we’re talking about him.”

“Good,” Jihyun stated. “It’s about time someone did something about this suffocating situation.”

---

“For god’s sake, just go talk to her already.”

Jinyoung turned, startled at the voice. He hadn’t even noticed that Jaebum had sat down across from him at the table. He blinked, putting down his book and clearing his throat. “Talk to who?”

“Don’t play dumb,” Jaebum said. “You’ve been staring at Sketchbook Girl for the past ten minutes. With hearts in your eyes.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jinyoung denied, flushing. He took a hurried sip of his coffee, before wincing at how hot it was. “What the hell do you make your coffee with? Volcanic lava?”

“Hellfire,” Jaebum deadpanned. “Because you’re a goddamn liar. Ever since she started coming here, you’ve been coming here twice as often. When are you going to stop looking at her from afar and finally talk to her?”

“I…” Jinyoung opened his mouth to argue, but he glanced across the café again at Sketchbook Girl and he felt his words die. He did like her, didn’t he? He liked how she always looked so engrossed in her work, her pencil flying across paper. He liked her oversized sweaters and how her long brown hair tumbled down her back in waves. He liked how she’d absent-mindedly twirl her pencil between long, slender fingers, and how she sometimes scrunched her nose up when she was stressed. He sighed, knowing it was pointless to lie to his best friend. “I’m just not ready to date again, alright?”

“And when will you be?” Jaebum asked point-blank. “It’s been years, Jinyoung. You haven’t even looked at another girl all this time. Isn’t it time to move on?”

“It’s not about moving on,” Jinyoung said. “You know things aren’t that easy for me. And besides, I have other priorities. Dating is just too much effort.”

“She doesn’t look like a very high-maintenance girl to me,” Jaebum pointed out. “I’m sure she’ll be cool, you know, if you guys end up dating.”

“Stop staring at her, or she’ll know we’re talking about her,” Jinyoung hissed at his friend. “And anyway, how do you even know what would be cool with her? You don’t even know her name.”

Jaebum snorted. “Kang Ryeo Won.”

“Huh?”

“Kang Ryeo Won,” Jaebum repeated. “I know her name. She pays with her credit card.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes at his friend’s smug grin, although internally, he was thinking that her name suited her. It was unique and pretty, just like her. “Good for you.”

“Now, make your move, stupid. If you won’t, I will.”

---

“I’m not asking him out,” I said firmly. “I’m done with dating, remember?”

“Okay, so you’ve had really shitty luck with men,” Jihyun admitted. “But take a good look at this guy! He isn’t like one of those artsy, broody, emotionally-damaged kind that you seem to have a knack for choosing. He’s the serious intellectual type – I mean, who even reads actual books now? And most importantly, he looks like he actually has a job.”

“Thanks for that glowing review of my life choices,” I scowled. “It’s not like I have any time to date anyway. Did you forget that I have that showcase coming up?” I narrowed my eyes at her. “You took leave from work, didn’t you?”

“Yes, I did,” Jihyun assured me. “Do you even have any idea how many favors I cashed in at work to have a Saturday night off?”

“You owe me,” I stated. “You swore you were coming to my last two shows and both times, you bailed at the last minute.”

Jihyun smiled sheepishly. “I promise I won’t this time. But, I can look at your work in your studio. Why do you need me to be there among all those stuffy rich people when you know I stick out like a sore thumb?”

“Well, I stick out too, and I need you there for moral support! Also…”

“Excuse me.”

I trailed off mid-sentence to see Jaebum standing beside our table. I inclined my head in greeting. “Yes?”

Jihyun tried to wave him away when he started to place a plate with a slice of cake on it on our table. “Oh no, we didn’t order any…”

“This is from the gentleman over at that table,” Jaebum said with a smile. “It’s already paid for.” He set down some cutlery on the table before picking a napkin up from his tray. Instead of putting it down on the table, however, he handed it straight to me. “Enjoy.”

I could only blink in confusion as Jihyun started squealing in excitement. I looked down at the napkin in my hand. There was some writing on it, scribbled hastily with a ballpoint pen.

A row of numbers, with two words above it: Jin Young.

---

That night, I lay in bed, holding that napkin. My eyes trailed towards my phone, sitting on the bed beside me.

Should I…?

I traced a finger lightly over the letters, as if I were worried that they might disappear. I didn’t know what I was supposed to feel. On one hand, I was slightly annoyed that he’d placed so much power in my hands by having me be the one to make the decision whether to make contact. On the other hand, hadn’t he already made the first move? Although, it wasn’t something I’d imagined a person like him to do, scribbling his number on a napkin to ask a girl out. He looked like much more of a gentleman, like the kind that would ask politely, face-to-face.

Or maybe not.

What did I know? Up until this afternoon, I hadn’t even known his name.

Jinyoung.

My eyes glided over the name, a silly smile lifting the corners of my lips. What a beautiful name. Elegant and refined, just like him. The image of his face, his bright, doe-like eyes and shy smile, floated into my mind.

I’ll do it.

It was just a friendly gesture, right? I ought to at least thank him for the cake. It was just polite. No biggie.

I grabbed my phone before I could change my mind. I was about to give him a call when I caught sight of the time. It was almost 11 at night. Wasn’t it too late to call? I hesitated. Maybe I’ll drop him a text instead. Determinedly, I opened up a new chat window, typing his number in. I quickly typed in a message, and then deleted it just as quickly. Chewing on my lip, I started crafting another line, which I also deleted. After doing this tango with myself four or five times, I finally had a decently worded message that I thought sounded just cool enough without sounding too desperate or disinterested.

Hello, is this Jinyoung? This is Ryeowon, the girl you gave your number to today. I just wanted to say thank you for the cake you sent over. It was delicious. Nice seeing you today too.

Knowing that I would change my mind if I hesitated any longer, I quickly pressed the ‘send’ button. The moment I did that, I slammed my phone down onto the bed, kicking my feet under the blanket from all the nerves. Then, I composed myself again. Well, what’s done was done. There was no room for regret. Now, all I could do was wait.

And I waited. Minutes went by and my phone was silent. Just when I consoled myself with the thought that he might have been an early sleeper, my phone dinged with a message. It was pathetic how fast I jumped on it, eagerly opening up the message. I was just killing myself with the anticipation of what he would say, but when I read his message, my face fell.

Hi Ryeowon, there must be a mistake. I didn’t send over any cake. By the way, how did you get my number?

A million thoughts ran through my mind. Could I have made a mistake? Was it not him? Did I get the wrong number? I checked the napkin again. No, there was no mistake. I had texted the correct number. I quickly fired back a reply.

Are you Jinyoung? The one who always sits by the window at Jus Coffee, reading a book? Jaebum brought some cake to my table and gave me your number on a napkin, saying it was from you.

The next message came a lot quicker.

Yes, that’s me. I’m assuming you’re the one who’s always sitting near the plant, drawing in your sketchbook? I’m really sorry, but I’m afraid Jaebum was up to some mischief. I never asked him to do either of those things. I’m sorry to have caused you to misunderstand.

I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of disappointment at that. So it was a practical joke? I didn’t know Jaebum very well, so I had no idea why he would do such a thing. Perhaps it had been well-meaning, like how Jihyun was always trying to set me up with guys. Oh well. From his messages, it didn’t seem as if Jinyoung was very interested, but I’d taken my shot, so at least, Jihyun wouldn’t bug me about it any further.

Ah, I see. There’s no need to be sorry, since I got free food out of it. Don’t worry, I understand. I also have a friend who’s always trying to get me to date someone. Sorry to bother you so late. Have a good night!

I put aside my phone, sighing. It was a long shot anyway. At least he was nice enough to say things plainly instead of leading me on. He was tons better than all the shitty guys that I did end up dating. Still, I couldn’t help eagerly clicking on the next text message that came in.

Yes, isn’t that a real pain? I’m really sorry. Next time we run into each other at Jus Coffee, let me buy you cake for real as an apology. Have a good night.

---

“Excuse me, Ryeowon…?”

I looked up from my laptop, brows creased in annoyance at the interruption. However, my features instantly relaxed when I saw who it was standing in front of me. “Oh… Jinyoung?”

He smiled as he held out a small plate. “I’m here to deliver my apology cake, as promised.”

“Oh, uh…” I straightened, scrambling to gather some of my papers so I could clear a space at my table. “You didn’t have to.”

“I want to,” he said pleasantly, setting down the plate. “Enjoy.”

My heart was pounding as I watched him talk. Technically, it wasn’t our first conversation, since we’d had one over text, but it was the first time we were speaking face-to-face, and it felt weird. I’d admired him from afar for so long that it felt as if a celebrity had stepped off the screen and was talking to me. I’d never heard his voice before, but it was exactly like how I imagined it – soft, gentle and refined, just the way he appeared.

I was so tongue-tied that it took him actually turning away for me to realize that I hadn’t said anything. “Hey, um… do you want to… maybe, um… sit here?”

Jinyoung paused, eyebrows raised. “Really? It’s alright, you look pretty busy and I don’t want to disturb you.”

“It’s okay,” I said quickly, internally cringing at how desperate I sounded. “I’m not that busy. Could probably use a break anyway.”

Unexpectedly, Jinyoung nodded. “Sure.” He pulled out the other chair at my table and sat down directly across me, setting down the book he’d brought with him today. Then, there was an awkward moment of silence as we just looked at each other, not knowing what to say. Thankfully, Jaebum broke the silence by choosing that moment to appear.

“Iced Americano for the gentleman,” he announced, setting down Jinyoung’s drink. Then, he placed a drink in front of you. “And a long black for the lady. Your usual.” He handed Jinyoung’s card to him, grinning. “I charged it to your card.”

Jinyoung snatched his card back with narrowed eyes. “Thanks.”

“Thank you,” I said bemusedly, watching their interaction.

“Enjoy,” Jaebum said, bowing deeply before sidling away.

Jinyoung gestured to him. “He’s really annoying, isn’t he? I apologize for him.”

I chuckled. “He’s nice. You guys seem really close.”

Jinyoung nodded. “Yeah, well, we’ve known each other since high school. That’s a good…” His eyes rolled upwards as he counted in his head. “…fifteen years. Wow, we’re much older than I imagined.”

“That probably explains why he tried to set you up with me,” I quipped.

“And I’m really sorry about that,” Jinyoung said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. “I told him a million times that I wasn’t interested in entering a new relationship, but he went ahead and did it anyway. I hope it didn’t make you feel uncomfortable.”

“No, don’t worry, I totally understand,” I replied with a wave of my hand. “My friend does the exact same thing to me. I don’t know why she acts like singlehood is a disease. She doesn’t believe that people choose to be alone.”

“One good thing did come out of it, though,” Jinyoung pointed out, smiling shyly. “I’m sitting here, talking to you. I made a new friend.”

I nodded, smiling back. “Yeah, so did I. Now we can actually talk to each other instead of smiling awkwardly every time we see each other.”

“As long as I’m not disturbing you,” Jinyoung said. “You look like you’re doing something important.”

I made a face as I looked down at my order forms. “Yeah, well, it’s incredibly mundane stuff, really. I’m having this showcase this weekend, and there’s all this paperwork to get through. When people told me to chase my dreams and be an artist, nobody told me that I’d have argue with contractors over screws and light bulbs and how many millimeters my fishing lines have to be in order to prevent my paintings from crashing upon the heads of buyers that are going to pay next month’s rent.”

Jinyoung looked intrigued. “Ah, you’re an artist, then? No wonder I always see you drawing. Do you have to take care of all the logistics on your own, though? Can’t you hire someone else to do it?”

“I do have an agent,” I explained. “But trying to put together a whole event is just a lot of work. I’m painfully introverted, so he has to do all the bits that involve talking to people – inviting guests, finding buyers, gathering media, coordinating with the owners of the venue… In exchange, I take the less glamorous aspects of it. If I could actually get up there and mount the lights and paintings myself, I’d do it, but you know… Sorry, I’m boring you with details, aren’t I?”

“No, you’re not,” Jinyoung assured me, shaking his head. “It’s sounds really interesting. I work as an editor in a publishing house, so all I do is sit around and look at words. Trust me, I’m not easy to bore.”

I raised an eyebrow. “You read for a living, and you still choose to do it in your free time?”

Jinyoung smiled sheepishly. “I really do love reading. In my job, I read a lot of seriously terrible writing. I feel like I need to read good writing whenever I can so that I can balance it out. And also, it helps me do some market research about what’s out there, and what people are reading.”

“So essentially, when you’re relaxing in a café, you’re actually still working,” I pointed out.

Jinyoung chuckled. “I need a life, don’t I?”

I shrugged. “I’m the last person to judge. I rarely do anything exciting.” Then, I had a thought. “Unless… Never mind, you wouldn’t be interested anyway.”

“No, please tell me,” Jinyoung said, leaning forward in his chair. “I’m open to any suggestions you have.”

“You could come to my showcase.”

“This weekend?”

I nodded. “I mean, only if you’re interested. It’s just a small event in a gallery, and I’m displaying a series of paintings about the banality of life in a big city.” I started getting self-conscious. Why was I even inviting him to see my work? He was a complete stranger. I could sense myself rambling at some point, but like a train careening off its tracks, I couldn’t stop myself. “But it’s probably not your scene. Hell, it’s not even my scene. I just smile and nod and pretend to be some snooty, eccentric artist when in actuality, small talk terrifies me. I’ve been trying to get my friend Jihyun to come with me, but she keeps bailing on me at the last minute. In fact, I’m sure she’s going to send me a text any minute now and—”

“I’ll come.”

My train came to a screeching halt and for a moment, I could only stare blankly at him. “What?”

“I’ll come,” Jinyoung repeated, with his trademark smile that brought out the creases in the corners of his eyes. “I can be your company for the night. And it’s been a while since I went out to appreciate art. It’ll be fun.”

“Oh, I’ll, uh…” I looked around the table, flustered. “I’ll have my agent add your name to the guest list.”

Jinyoung raised an eyebrow mischievously. “Really? Just like that? What if someone pretends to be me and tries to get in?”

“I’m not even famous,” I said with a laugh. “Nobody would be interested to crash my party. Seriously, you don’t have to come just to be nice. I’m sure you have better ways to spend a Saturday night.”

“I don’t,” Jinyoung assured me. “And I want to. I really want to see your work.” He smiled again, causing my heart to skip a beat. “I’ll see you on Saturday night, Ryeowon.”

---

Saturday rolled around really quickly. I spent the day on my feet (and sometimes even on my hands and knees) just trying to get everything in order for the opening that night. It was evening before I knew it, and my agent had to physically remove the tools from my hands and force me to take a shower and get changed. I managed to put on a slinky dress, apply some make-up and sweep my hair up into what I hoped was an understated by classy up-do, just as the first guests started arriving.

Well, here we go.

For the first hour or so, I was whirled around the gallery by my agent, where I smiled and greeted people while downing champagne to make the night go by easier. I wasn’t kidding when I said I was terrible at small talk. I mostly allowed my agent to lead the conversation, chiming in only when I was asked a question. Among the circles, I was known to be a real ice queen, but I supposed being an artist meant that no one really took offence to that. Most people just accepted that us ‘creative types’ had our own quirks and eccentricities, and that was something I was thankful for.

My name was all over the place, and the event was for me, to celebrate the work I’d just completed, but to be very honest, I was bored out of my mind. If I had it my way, I’d never have a showcase. Unfortunately, the reality of my work was that I needed people to buy my art in order to keep making art, and hence, I had to make it through these events. To make things worse, Jihyun had, expectedly, bailed at the last minute. Which was why I was exceptionally relieved when Jinyoung walked in through the door.

I hadn’t pegged him for an art person, but he looked like he belonged here. He was dressed in a black and white checked suit with a black t-shirt underneath, standing perfectly on the line between casual and dressy. He caught my eye and gave me a smile, which I returned, and gestured that he was going to walk around while I finished my conversation. I nodded, and waited for my agent to finish his spiel about how I’d gotten my inspiration for the piece we were looking at, an abstract piece titled ‘To: You’. He was going on and on about how it was about a lost lover (it wasn’t), and the buyers, a couple in their fifties, were lapping it up. I waited for him to stop talking, and for the couple to look at me with sympathetic eyes, the wife touching a hand to her heart, and to offer me their deepest condolences.

I finally managed to escape. I found Jinyoung standing in front of a painting, his hands in his pockets as he stared intently at the canvas. I snagged two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter and sidled up beside him. “May I offer you a drink, sir?”

He turned to me with a smile. “Thank you.” He gestured to the room. “I took a walk. Your work is beautiful. Although I’ll be very honest here – I don’t think I understand any of it.”

I clinked my glass with his. “Well, thank you for being honest. I didn’t make my art to be understood. Artists aren’t game masters setting puzzles to be decoded, you know?” I lowered my voice. “It’s part of the reason why I hate these things. Everyone’s trying to interpret my art and come up with some kind of ‘correct’ message, as if they aren’t just looking for something to class up their interior design.”

“An artist that hates it when people appreciate her work,” Jinyoung commented with a laugh. “That’s something new.”

“Well, they can appreciate it silently,” I pointed out. “Most people are just talking aloud because they want to appear smart and cultured. It’s as if they’re superior beings if they can ascribe some kind of meaning to my work or partake in ‘artspeak’, if you will. It’s awfully pretentious. If you listen closely, you’ll realize that they’re saying a lot without saying anything at all.”

“You sound like an expert,” Jinyoung said bemusedly.

“I am,” I agreed. I cocked my head with a smile. “Is that doubt I hear in your voice?”

Jinyoung chuckled. “I’m sure not everyone is that bad.”

“Oh yeah?” I challenged confidently. “Alright, let’s play a game. We walk around the gallery, and every time we hear someone say something pretentious, we drink.”

“Just to be clear, what constitutes ‘pretentious’?” Jinyoung asked.

“When someone calls my work ‘provocative’, for example,” I pointed out. “Or talk about how I’m trying to portray some kind of ‘sensibility’, or ‘inner conflict’. Or show some kind of ‘complexity’. Oh, and every time someone says something about the human condition, we drink twice.”

Jinyoung was laughing by this point. “You can’t be serious.”

“Dead serious,” I answered. I grabbed his hand. “Alright, let’s go. I swear you’ll understand when you actually hear it.”

The rest of the night was actually a lot of fun. Jinyoung and I hovered around behind people, listening to them talk to each other about the works they were looking at. (To be fair, my agent was also going around trying to perpetuate all these cryptic messages because apparently things sold better if you had a story.) And tonight was turning out to be a bountiful night, because there were a lot more weird comments going around than usual. Jinyoung realized very quickly that he did recognize completely vapid artspeak when he heard it. Midway through the night, we added ‘sublime’ and ‘interwoven’ to our list. It was safe to say that by the end of the night, we were both light-headed and giggly from the effects of bullshit and too much champagne. At some point, we found a corner to hide in and just talked to each other. He was a fascinating person. He talked about his work, and his interests, and the books that he enjoyed. He had a way of speaking that was just so pleasing to listen to. I didn’t even realize that we were the last two people left until my agent came up to me.

“Ryeowon, good news…” he started, before realizing that I was holding on to Jinyoung’s arm to keep myself upright. “Are you okay?”

“Yeap!” I said chirpily. “What’s the good news?”

“We sold everything but one piece,” he said. “And it happens to be the one you said was your favorite.”

I turned to Jinyoung and scoffed. “See? I told you nobody really understands my art.”

We stood in front of the aforementioned painting, a piece titled ‘You Are’. It was by far the darkest piece in terms of color, and the only one on which I’d used black paints quite liberally, but in terms of the meaning that it held for me, this was the most hopeful and uplifting one. It depicted a dark room, with a window in the center of it, looking out towards a patch of sky. I tried to capture the sky at twilight, just before the sun set, which was why I used hues of purple, pink and orange.

“Tell me what you were thinking when you painted this,” Jinyoung said softly beside my ear.

“Nothing much, really,” I answered, staring at the painting. “This was the one piece that came really easily. I was struggling to find inspiration, and I was in a space where I was doubting everything that I had done. And I just looked out of the window, and suddenly, I just felt really lucky. Just to be able to have a job that I like, that affords me little luxuries like looking at the sky when I want to.”

“That’s beautiful,” Jinyoung said, looking straight at me. For a while, neither of us said anything. Then, he turned to my agent. “Do you still have room for one more buyer? I’ll take this piece.”

---

The last leg of the night was a little blurry to me. I remembered being light-headed and giddy with excitement when I left the gallery, waving away my agent, who’d offered to give me a ride. Somehow, I ended up taking a taxi with Jinyoung, and somehow, he’d insisted on walking me up to my apartment. Somehow, we ended up stuck outside my apartment door as I struggled to remember the passcode to open my door.

“Fuck, why isn’t this opening?” I grumbled as another obnoxious beep sounded, indicating that I’d keyed in the wrong code again.

“Is this even your house?” Jinyoung asked, laughing softly so he didn’t wake my neighbors. He looked up at the unit number above my door, reading it aloud. “Is that correct?”

“Yes, it is,” I insisted, jabbing random numbers now. “Do you think I’d not know my own address?”

“Well, I’d assume you would also know the passcode to your own door, but here we are.”

I glanced up from my attempt to crack the code to my front door. “Are you laughing at me?”

Jinyoung shook his head cutely, pursing his lips. “I most definitely am not.”

Okay, he’d definitely had too much to drink. And clearly, so had I. Why wasn’t the goddamn code working?

Jinyoung’s hand shot out, holding mine so I would stop pushing random numbers on the keypad. “Stop doing that. If you try too many times, it’ll think you’re a burglar and lock you out.” He shook with quiet laughter. “Or worse, your security company will be alerted and we’ll be arrested.”

“What else am I supposed to do?” I whined. “We’re stuck out here anyway.”

“Just stop,” Jinyoung said, tugging me away from the front door and inadvertently closer to himself. “And think.”

“Think,” I repeated. We were standing so close to each other now that I could smell the musky, slightly spicy scent of his cologne. When I lifted my eyes, all I could see were his lips, tantalizingly within reach. He looked down, his eyes meeting mine, and I could see him stop breathing. He swallowed, and I could see that he was trying to clear the fog in his brain. For a moment, I thought he was going to release me and move away, but he didn’t. Then, in the next moment, it was clear that neither of us were thinking when the gap between us slowly disappeared, our lips meeting.

I was most definitely, certifiably out of my mind. Other than the fact that I barely knew the guy, he had very clearly friend-zoned me. And friends in the friend-zone didn’t make out with each other. None of that seemed to matter as he tangled his fingers in my hair, shaking it loose from the pins that held it up. His lips moved fervently against mine, with passion and longing that definitely was not supposed to exist between friends. I felt a light-headedness that had nothing to do with the alcohol. As he pressed me against the door, I slipped my hand under his blazer, delighted at the hard muscle that I felt beneath the soft fabric of his t-shirt. His hips rolled against mine and a low, delicious groan left his lips. My hands slipped under his t-shirt as his tightened around my waist. Everything was too fast, and too much, yet not enough at the same time. Were we really doing this here, in the corridor outside my apartment?

A loud ringing sound rudely jerked us both out of the haze of lust. We jumped apart like two guilty teenagers, breathing hard. I looked away, trying to rearrange my hair and clothes as Jinyoung fumbled in his pocket for his phone. He glanced guiltily at me before stepping away to answer it.

“Hello?” he greeted, trying to catch his breath. “Yeah, I, uh…” He stopped to look at his watch. “I’m really sorry. I ended up staying later than I expected… Yeah, I’ll come over now. Sorry.”

I wiped my lips surreptitiously, willing my senses to return as I tried not to overhear him. Unfortunately, it was late and the hallway was quiet, so I heard every word despite him whispering. My sobriety was fast returning to me as the awkwardness set in. I turned away, trying my electronic lock again. The traitorous thing sounded with four successive chimes as the mechanism unlocked. I could have sworn I’d entered the same numbers the last ten times. Now, it looked like I’d gotten it wrong on purpose.

“Well, whaddya know?” I announced lamely, turning to Jinyoung. Neither of us could meet each other’s eyes now, and from the apologetic look on his face, I could tell that he regretted our transgression as much as I did. I would like to say that didn’t hurt me, but the truth was, it did, a little bit.

“I’m sorry,” he said, although I wasn’t sure what for. “I have to go. You’re uh… You’re alright?”

“Well, yeah,” I answered, pointing to my open door. “You should go. To you know, whoever’s waiting for you.”

He looked embarrassed. “Right. Um, it’s not… Yeah. Well…”

“You got a little…” I gestured to the corner of his lips, where my lipstick had transferred. Maybe I was enjoying his discomfort a little. Not like he didn’t deserve it, for being so infuriatingly confusing and impossible to read.

“Right,” he said, quickly wiping his lips. He didn’t successfully get it all, but I didn’t tell him. He bowed, retreating. “Goodnight, Ryeowon.”

“Goodnight, Jinyoung.”

I slipped into my apartment without waiting for him to leave first. When the door was firmly shut behind me, I leaned against it, letting out a long exhale. What on earth had just happened?

---

“Maybe he’s married,” Jihyun speculated, her voice hushed.

I gave her a blank look. “No ring.”

“He could have taken it off,” Jihyun countered. “Or maybe he has a girlfriend.”

“He said he was single and not looking to date.”

“Gay?”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “His friend tried to set him up with me, Jihyun. And trust me, from how he kissed me that night, definitely straight.”

“Maybe he has performance issues,” Jihyun said gravely. “I heard that after 30, the risk of having some kind of sexual dysfunction goes up exponentially.”

“Or, he’s a perfectly normal guy who’s just not interested in me,” I suggested. “How’s that for a radical idea?”

“Well, it just doesn’t make sense,” Jihyun huffed.

“You know what doesn’t make sense?” I pointed out. “You bailing on me even though you said you wouldn’t. This is all your fault.”

“Someone called in sick, okay?” she defended. “I couldn’t just walk out.” She looked across the café at Jinyoung. “Besides, it’s not my fault that you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself. What I want to know is: how he does he go from jumping your bones to, you know… this?”

I did know what she was referring to, unfortunately. Today was the first day Jinyoung and I had crossed paths after that night, and it had been unbelievably… friendly. Jihyun and I were already at our usual table, and when he’d come in, he’d come over to say hi, and then headed off to his usual table and started reading. There wasn’t even a hint of awkwardness in his behavior, or any indication that anything out of the ordinary had happened. He’d just been a regular polite acquaintance, saying hi and then going off on his way. It felt like I was the only one who felt that the whole situation was weird.

“I’m sure something is wrong with him,” Jihyun decided. “I mean, look at him! He’s handsome and educated and seems like the perfect gentleman. There’s no reason for a man like that to be single if he’s normal.”

“Jihyun, just drop it,” I sighed. “Whatever’s up with him, I don’t need to know, alright? I said I wasn’t interested in dating, and I really don’t need all this drama. Whatever happened, happened, and I’m just going to move on.”

I glanced across the café at Jinyoung’s side profile. It was a pity he was so confusing, because for a while, I’d genuinely enjoyed his company. That night at the gallery, I’d really felt like he understood me. Shaking my head, I turned away. It didn’t matter how perfect he was. If he was going to be such an indecisive wuss, he didn’t deserve my time or energy.

---

“Class, shall we say a big thank you to Ryeowon-ssaem for the lesson today?”

“THANK YOU, RYEOWON-SSAEM!”

“Thank you for being such great students!” I said, bowing to the class of eight-year-olds. “I hope you enjoyed your time today.”

As the bunch of excited elementary schoolers started packing their bags and running out of the classroom, I turned to their teacher, Ms. Park, deflating. “I don’t know how you do this every single day. It’s exhausting!”

“It’s tough, but it has its perks,” Ms. Park said with a laugh. “Thank you so much for offering to do this. The kids really loved you.”

“Or, they loved having time off from lessons to just mess around with paint,” I replied, embarrassed. To be honest, I just volunteered because my agent thought it would be great for publicity, and he’d spent the most part of the day snapping photos to post on my profile page. I definitely had fun hanging out with the kids all day, but I wasn’t altruistic by any means.

“Perhaps,” Ms. Park joked. “Either ways, thank you so much. Come, I’ll see you out.”

I followed her lead out of the classroom and down the hallway, to the entrance of the school. With her, the small talk wasn’t so bad. She asked about my latest project, and I told her it wasn’t quite coming together yet, but there were a few pieces I’d created here and there. She suggested that I come back because I could gain inspiration from the kids, and I politely agreed, but thankfully, before she could hold me to it, she paused in front of one of the students, who was sitting alone in front of the driveway.

“Jeha, you’re still here?”

The boy jumped up to bow to us. “My appa says he’ll be a little late.” He smiled at me, his large round eyes twinkling. “I really enjoyed your class today, Ryeowon-ssaem. Will you be coming back again?”

“Maybe sometime in the future,” I said vaguely.

“Jeha wants to be an artist when he grows up,” Ms. Park told me, beaming proudly.

“Do you?” I asked, suddenly feeling endeared to him. “Maybe the next time I display my work, I’ll invite you.” Although, I didn’t even enjoy my own showcases and there was probably too much alcohol around.

The boy looked absolutely delighted. “Do you have your own studio where you get to just spend all your time painting?”

“Oh, Jeha, looks like your appa’s here.”

Before I could answer, a black sedan pulled up to the driveway. Even before he stepped out of the car, I caught a glimpse of the driver and I felt my stomach drop to the floor. I looked at Jeha again, and came to the shocking realization that there was indeed an uncanny resemblance I hadn’t noticed before.

Park Jinyoung was his father.

He had a son. Jinyoung had a son.

The shock and confusion I felt must have been obvious, because Jinyoung looked clearly uncomfortable as he approached us. He avoided my eyes as he greeted Ms. Park first, and took Jeha’s backpack. Then, his eyes slowly meet mine and he bowed his head meekly.

“Oh, you know each other?” Ms. Park asked obliviously.

“I’m a regular at his friend’s café,” I said as means of explanation, not even looking at her. This whole time, I was just staring at Jinyoung, confused. I couldn’t quite wrap my head around the fact that he was this kid’s father. The boy was eight. Wasn’t Jinyoung a little too young to be his father? Was this why he was being all weird? Was Jihyun right? Was he married?

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice small.

“Ryeowon-ssaem came to teach us art,” Jeha piped up. “We used watercolors today.”

“Oh, did you?” Jinyoung cooed at his son. His eyes flickered up to me for a moment. “Did you have fun?”

“Yes!” Jeha declared. “Can we go and see her work next time? Ryeowon-ssaem has a studio!”

“Yeah, sure,” he said patronizingly. He looked back at me again. “Um, do you need a lift?”

“No, thank you,” I said calmly and coldly. He wasn’t the only one who could behave like a stranger. “I’m calling a cab. Have a good day.” I waved at Jeha, smiling. “Bye, Jeha!”

---

“Can I sit?”

I lifted my eyes from my sketchbook briefly. “Sure, Jeha’s appa.”

Jinyoung sat, his brows knitted in consternation. “Why are you calling me that?”

“Isn’t it true?” I asked.

“Are you mad?”

I sighed, setting my book aside. “That you have a son? No. That you failed to mention it before you kissed me and then acted like nothing happened? Yes, a little.”

Jinyoung sucked in a deep breath, looking defeated. “What was I supposed to do? Open a conversation with ‘by the way, I’m a father of an eight-year-old’?”

“It’s not something to hide or be ashamed of,” I said blankly. “Is it?”

“God, no,” Jinyoung answered quickly. “I couldn’t be prouder of Jeha. It’s just… something that scares people away.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Why would it? You said we were just friends. Until you ambushed me, at least.”

The corner of Jinyoung’s lips twitched. “You were equal parts to blame, Ryeowon. You kissed me back just as eagerly.”

“You confused me,” I said defensively. “In fact, you’re still confusing me right now.”

“I think I confuse myself too,” Jinyoung admitted. “I just… I know I said I didn’t want to date, but I think I’m just scared of being rejected. I mean, it’s not something easy for women to accept, and I think… I wanted you to like me.”

“I do,” I said, before correcting myself. “I mean, I did. I… I don’t know, right now.”

“I do,” Jinyoung said firmly. “I really do like you. I’m sorry I handled things really badly, and I understand if you think I’m a jerk. It’s just the first time I’ve been interested in someone since, you know… Jeha’s mom.”

“The call you got the other night?” I asked.

“Babysitter,” Jinyoung clarified. “The ahjumma next door takes care of Jeha when I’m out, and I was supposed to pick him up earlier, before I got um… distracted. Jeha’s mom isn’t around anymore.”

“Can I ask… what happened?” I asked tentatively. “You don’t have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable. I’m just… curious.”

Jinyoung looked down at the table, playing with his fingers absently. “She died in an accident. Four years ago.” He forced a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “It took a while to come to terms with it. In fact, I just managed to stop wearing my ring this year. It got tiring to hear people asking where Jeha’s mom was.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said, forgetting momentarily that I was supposed to be mad at him. “It must be tough, raising a kid alone.”

Jinyoung shrugged. “I guess. But he’s mine, you know? I’m prepared to take care of him on my own. I don’t want to be one of those single dads who’s looking for a mother for my child. Although, I suppose…” He gazed tentatively at me. “We come in a package, and whoever I date has to be able to live with that.”

“I see.” He was still looking expectantly at me, but I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. It had come as a shock to me that he was a father, but who was I to judge? It wasn’t like I had to decide right now whether I was going to marry him and take care of his kid forever.

“I don’t know where this is eventually going to lead to,” Jinyoung said carefully, his expression sincere. “I can’t promise anything and I don’t know whether things will work out in the end. All I know is that I don’t really want to stay away from you. I want to see you, and get to know you better. And I’m really hoping you feel the same way too.”

I thought about the night at the gallery. It had felt so natural, so comfortable to hang out with him, and it was the first time in ages that I’d laughed so much. I wasn’t the type to get close to others easily, so this connection meant something to me. On top of that, he was also handsome and charming and smart. There was just something magnetic about him that I couldn’t say no to. I sighed. “And if I say that I do? Then what?”

“Then we start over and see where this leads us,” Jinyoung said, breaking out into a big smile, dimples and all. “Give me a chance to make things right. Let me take you out on a date.”

---

Two days later, we went on our first date.

It wasn’t anything special. We took a walk along the Han River, and ate at a cute little noodle place that he swore had the best dumplings in the world. On our second date, we went to a museum. On our third date, we went to a movie and in the darkness of the theatre, he held my hand for the first time.

Compared to the short-lived whirlwind romances I usually found myself in, Jinyoung and I were really taking things slow. He was the perfect gentleman. He planned our dates in advance, brought me little things to surprise me (cookies, a book he liked, a flower he plucked from a bush we passed) and was extremely considerate. He was always apologetic about the fact that our dates were short, because he had to juggle work and taking care of his son, but none of that mattered to me. Despite the slow pace, within a few weeks, I was falling harder and faster than I ever had before.

It was exhilarating, but in equal parts terrifying.

“Are you absolutely sure about this?” Jihyun questioned, her expression betraying her skepticism. “I mean, he’s a widower, and he’s over thirty, and he’s got a son! A son! Surely there are better men you can date.”

I narrowed my eyes at her, stirring my coffee. “You were the one trying to push me to him. What happened to him being smart and handsome and having a job?”

“That was before I knew that he had a full-grown child!” Jihyun pointed out, her eyes automatically shifting towards the corner that Jinyoung usually sat in. He wasn’t here today, but even she’d come to do that by habit. “Have you considered that? Are you ready to thrust into motherhood?”

“I’m not going to be Jeha’s mother,” I said, glancing at Jaebum to make sure he was still behind the counter, lest he heard Jihyun talking shit about his friend. “I’m just going to be this really cool aunt that his father happens to be dating. Jinyoung doesn’t expect me to take care of his kid for him.”

“Oh, yeah, definitely,” Jihyun said, her tone snarky. “I’m sure he’s going to lead two separate lives, one with you and one with his son. That’s totally going to work out.”

I folded my arms, exasperated. “Then what, Jihyun? Am I supposed to just dump him because he has a son? He’s the first person I’ve ever dated that really understands me. All those other guys I’ve been with, they just liked the idea of me: that I was someone who went against the grain and was a rebel, or at the very least, looked like I would be up for anything in bed. Not Jinyoung. When he looks at me, I feel like he actually sees me.”

Jihyun softened. “It sounds like he’s really special to you.”

“He is,” I answered in a small voice. “I really like him. I’m happy, when I’m with him.”

“And I’m happy for you,” Jihyun said. “I’m just worried about how things are going to pan out. It’s not going to be easy, you know?”

I chewed on my lip. “I know that. But… it’s worth a shot, right? I mean, I’m really just enjoying the ride right now. I know things might get tough, but we’ll cross that bridge when it comes… right?”

“Oh, honey,” Jihyun sighed. “I really hope you guys know what you’re doing.”

---

“I want you to meet Jeha,” Jinyoung said one day, without any warning.

I looked up at him, surprised. It was a random afternoon, and we were snuggled up in my living room, both of us reading our books. It was becoming more common, us being alone together. We were both so used to being alone that we had our little habits and our pockets of me-time, but we were also in that fuzzy honeymoon phase of our relationship in which we wanted to spend all our time together. Hence, this was the result: quiet afternoon dates with each other for company while we did our work or just read.

“I’ve met him,” I said, quietly averting my eyes, even though I knew what he meant.

“I mean officially,” Jinyoung said, putting down his book. “I want him to know that we’re dating. That you’re my girlfriend.”

I continued staring at my book, even though none of the words were making sense anymore. “Would an eight-year-old even know what that means?”

“Honestly, I don’t know,” Jinyoung admitted. “But I want him to know anyway. He’s going to see you around a lot, and I want him to know why. You both mean a lot to me, and I don’t want it to seem as if I’m hiding you from him.” I said nothing, but he seemed to sense my apprehension. He pulled me closer, kissing the top of my head. “What’s wrong?”

I twisted so I could look up at him. “What if he doesn’t like me?”

Jinyoung smiled. “What do you mean? You’re already his idol.”

“Yeah, but that’s before I was his dad’s new girlfriend,” I pointed out. “Us being together changes things.”

“It does,” Jinyoung agreed. “But that’s not necessarily a bad thing, is it?”

“How do you know?” I complained. “He could hate the idea of his dad being with someone. He could think I’m trying to steal you.”

Jinyoung wrapped his arms around me tightly. “I wish I could give you a definite answer, but I really don’t know how he’s going to react. This is the first time I’ve tried to date after his mother passed.” It was a horrifyingly unsatisfactory answer. I tried to squirm out of his grip, but he wouldn’t let go. “But he’s a good kid. He’s independent, and mature; he knows I’m having a hard time, and so he takes care of himself well. I’m sure that he’ll want me to be happy.”

I gave up my feeble struggle. “Are you? Happy?”

“I am.” He relaxed his grip, putting enough space between us so that he could drop a light kiss on the tip of my nose. “I haven’t been this happy in a long time. Every day, I wake up feeling so lucky that I found you.”

“You’re just saying that,” I accused, although I couldn’t help but blush.

“I’m not,” Jinyoung refuted, chuckling. “You make me so happy, my heart feels like it might burst.”

I leaned up to give him a kiss on the lips before snuggling into his embrace. That, I could relate to. Jinyoung was warmth itself. Being in his arms made me feel so comfortable that it was almost frightening. I was so ridiculously, sickeningly happy that I was sure that life was going to punch me in my face at any moment and tell me that it was one big practical joke.

“It would make me happier if I could spend time with both my favorite people,” Jinyoung said, oblivious to the way my heart was pounding in my ears. “What do you say?”

---

“Wow, this is awesome!”

I watched as Jeha ran around my studio, touching brushes and palettes. He stopped to marvel at a row of paint tubes. “Appa, did you even know they made paints in so many colors?”

Jinyoung was beaming as he looked at me. “Wow, I had no idea.”

“This is so cool!” Jeha gushed, pausing in front of one of my newer paintings. “You’re a really good artist, Ryeowon-ssaem.”

“Try not to touch anything,” Jinyoung warned, and seeing this fatherly side of him caused my stomach to flip-flop. For a few hours a week, I got him all to myself, but this was a reminder that he came with a plus-one, and I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about that.

“Thanks, Jeha,” I said brightly, pushing aside the unease. “You want to create something with me?”

The way Jeha’s eyes lit up made me smile. He was a really cute kid, and I could really see some of Jinyoung’s mannerisms in him. “No way. Can I really?”

“Of course,” I said. I loaded a blank canvas onto an easel and pulled up a chair for him so he could reach it easier. Then, I brought him some pencils. “You want to start by drawing something?”

I had to admit, hanging out with Jeha was pretty fun. He was a smart kid, eloquent beyond his age, and also pretty talented at art for an eight-year-old. He drew some robots from a cartoon he liked, and we had fun mixing colors with acrylic paint and painting them. I taught him how to play with shades and gradients, and he learnt quickly. Jinyoung just hung back, watching us, occasionally offering suggestions and taking pictures. Then, he left us alone to order lunch. By the time Jeha and I sat back to admire our finished masterpiece, take-out had arrived. All three of us sat down on the floor with our bowls of jjajjangmyun.

“So, Jeha, did you have fun today?” Jinyoung asked, leaning over to wipe a smudge of paint off his son’s face.

Jeha nodded eagerly. “It was the best. When I grow up, I want to have a studio just like this.”

“You can come over again,” I offered. “We can try playing with other things next time.”

Jeha looked at Jinyoung with wide eyes. “Can we?”

Jinyoung’s eyes found mine as he nodded. He held my gaze for a while, and I knew he was going to do it right then. “Of course. You’re going to see Ryeowon-ssaem a lot more often from now on. As long as she’s free and doesn’t mind, you can come hang out with her.”

Jeha must have picked up from his father’s tone that this conversation was taking a serious turn, because he looked slightly confused. “I am?”

Jinyoung nodded, looking at his son. “Jeha, you like Ryeowon-ssaem, right?”

Jeha nodded slowly. “Yes, I do.”

“Well, you see,” Jinyoung licked his lips. He reached out and grasped my hand in his. “Appa likes her a lot too.”

My heart was pounding so loudly I could barely hear what he was saying. I couldn’t believe that I was so desperate for the approval of an eight-year-old boy, but I was. I could only stare at his face, hoping to catch a glimpse of what he was feeling. To his credit, the boy had an amazing poker face. It was clear that he was no longer smiling like before, but his expression was blank, betraying no emotion, neither positive nor negative.

“I like her so much I asked her to be my girlfriend,” Jinyoung was explaining to Jeha. “I want to spend time with her, and I want her to be a part of my life, which means she’ll be a part of your life too.”

“Does this mean you’re going to get married?” Jeha asked.

“No,” I quickly blurted out.

Jinyoung glanced at me, furrowing his brows disapprovingly. “We don’t know,” he said gently. “Adults usually date for some time before they decide whether or not to get married, and Ryeowon-ssaem and I have only been seeing each other for a couple of months. It’s too early to say.”

“Okay.”

Seriously, the kid was way more mature than an eight-year-old was supposed to be. He seemed to be taking it in his stride, quietly processing what he’d just been told. I hadn’t even realized I was holding my breath until he turned and spared me a glance. When he did, though, my stomach sank.

He didn’t like it.

His expression was still blank, and he wasn’t outwardly expressing any emotion, and I know I sound crazy, but I could just tell that his eyes had hardened. Earlier, he’d been looking at me with unbridled joy and awe, but now, his beautiful round eyes conveyed what I could only interpret as something closer to hatred.

We looked at each other for a long moment, and I felt like I should say something, but my mind was blank. He was the first to break the silence with his sweet, innocent voice.

“Can I use the washroom?”

I nodded, swallowing hard. “Sure. It’s that way.”

“Thank you.”

We were silent again as Jeha excused himself. When he was out of earshot, I turned to Jinyoung, who was looking at me expectantly. “That wasn’t too bad, was it?”

My hands shook as I started clearing our empty bowls. “Jinyoung… he doesn’t like me.”

“What? No,” Jinyoung disagreed, taking the bowls from my hands. “Where did you get that?”

I looked at him, hoping for some assurance that I wasn’t crazy. “Didn’t you see him? He was all happy and smiling, and when you told him, his mood just changed.”

“He just wasn’t expecting it,” Jinyoung assured me with a smile. “That’s just the way he processes information. He’ll need some time to mull over it, and then decide how he feels. If he were unhappy, he’d have shown it right away.”

A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips. “Why does that sound so much like someone else I know?”

“He’s just like me,” Jinyoung said with a grin. He leaned over to steal a kiss. “And if I like you so much, how can he possibly dislike you?”

That helped me feel better a little bit. We cleaned up together, and when Jeha returned, it was time for them to go. I saw them to the door, and Jeha bowed politely to me. “Thank you for today, Ryeowon-ssaem. I had a lot of fun.”

I could tell it wasn’t with the same amount of enthusiasm as he’d had earlier, but I forced myself to push my worries out of my mind. “I had fun too, Jeha. When our painting dries fully, I’ll have your appa bring it home for you. Or, you can come and get it yourself next time.”

The boy said nothing and bowed again before trudging away. Jinyoung pulled me in for a quick kiss before rushing after him. “I’ll call you later.”

I nodded, and closed the door after them. I let out a huge sigh as I dragged myself back to my workspace. Whatever the outcome of that meeting was, I was just glad it was over. I took another look at the painting that Jeha and I had created together, and I gasped.

Across the front of the painting was a big, messy splotch of purple paint.

---

“I don’t know why you’re afraid of an eight-year-old.”

“He hates me!” I whined, looking nervously at the gate of the school. I looked around me at the handful of parents that were standing around, waiting for their kids to come outside. “What if he doesn’t want to come with me and the parents here think I’m some kind of kidnapper?”

Jihyun sighed loudly over the phone. “Honey, he’s eight. If he doesn’t go with you, where will he go? It’s not like he can call a cab.”

“He could scream, or run, or I don’t know, ask another adult to call the police?” I hissed at her.

“Look, he’s not going to do that,” Jihyun stated calmly. “Jinyoung told him that you’re coming to pick him up today, right? If he weren’t okay with that, he’d have thrown a tantrum already, and Jinyoung would have had no choice but to ask someone else for the favor.”

“Jinyoung doesn’t believe that his son hates me,” I pointed out. “And the kid is pretty crafty. He acts like he’s fine in front of his dad, but… did I tell you about the painting?”

“Yes, you did, like three times,” Jihyun said blankly. “And what did Jinyoung say about that?”

“He said that Jeha probably did it by accident and was afraid to tell us because he didn’t want to get into trouble,” I answered, running a hand through my hair. “But the painting was upright, Jihyun. A spill would have been an accident. It looked like someone had flung a tin of paint at it. There’s no way that wasn’t deliberate.”

“Well, he’s eight,” Jihyun reminded me. “If he really did that, then you give him a good scolding when you see him and make sure he doesn’t vandalize anything again in future. If you’re going to be his stepmother, you should be able to discipline him.”

I scowled at my phone. “Really not helpful, Jihyun.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Jihyun complained. “I want to tell you that you’re crazy for thinking you’re at war with a kid, but you’re clearly not listening to me. None of this is rational. I don’t know how I can possibly help.”

I sighed. “You’re right. I’m over-thinking this. He’s eight. How hard can it be to win him over?”

“That’s the spirit,” Jihyun cheered. “Alright, my break’s over. Let me know how it went tonight!”

I hung up, steeling myself with another deep breath. Some of the kids were already starting to spill out of the school gates, and I kept my eyes on the entry way in case I missed Jeha. I only had to wait a few more minutes before the boy appeared, his eyes scanning the row of adults. When his gaze landed on me, his face visibly fell. This time, his dad wasn’t around, so there was no need to hide his disdain. He dragged his feet as he came up to me, bowing half-heartedly.

I forced a bright smile onto my face, determined not to let him get me down. “Hi, Jeha. Your appa had an important meeting and ahjumma is sick, so it’s just you and me today. What shall we do?”

Jeha looked up at me. “Can’t we just go home?”

“Your father said you need to get lunch first,” I pointed out. Technically, I could also bring him home and cook for him, but my cooking skills were abysmal and it was too early in our relationship for either father or son to find out. “What do you want to eat?”

He shrugged. “Anything.”

I forced myself to hold in the sigh that was forming. How was I supposed to know what he liked? I thought about it for a second. “How about fast food?” Kids loved fast food, right? How could I go wrong with fast food?

Jeha just shrugged again. “Okay.”

There was a fast food restaurant nearby, so we walked there together. We had to take a short walk, and there was a short queue, so the silence wasn’t that painful. It was when we had sat down with our burgers in front of us that I really started to feel the awkwardness.

“So…” I said, trying to break the tension. “How was school?”

“It was okay.”

He didn’t even look up at me when he said that. He wasn’t rude by any means. His tone was polite, and he used honorifics, but it was obvious that he had no desire to continue the conversation.

“Oookay,” I exhaled. “Learnt anything new?”

“Multiplication. Grammar. We also learnt about the life cycle of a fly.”

I perked up. “That’s interesting.” It wasn’t, but I was grasping at straws. “Tell me about that.”

“I don’t want you to marry my appa.”

I nearly choked on my burger. He was finally giving me something, but it was the last thing that I’d expected to come out of his mouth. “W-h… What?”

“Don’t marry him,” Jeha repeated. “We’re supposed to be a family. Me, him and umma. Not you.”

Wow, this kid really had a way with words. “I’m not marrying your appa, Jeha,” I said gently. “We’re just hanging out. Like friends, but closer. Like partners. We can support each other, and…”

“We don’t need you,” Jeha insisted. “We’re fine on our own.”

I swallowed, trying not to show him that his words were affecting me. “Jeha, your appa has been alone for a while, and he can get lonely. I know he has you, but he can also have a companion, an adult, beside him. Not to replace your umma, but—”

The moment the words were out of my mouth, I knew I had said something wrong. That was the trigger, the mention of his mother. Before I could stop it, something in the kid snapped.

“I don’t want you to be my umma!” he hollered at the top of his lungs. His hand lashed out, and he knocked his drink over, causing the liquid to spill all over the table and onto the floor.

I panicked, grabbing at napkins to try to mop up the mess. His face was red now, and he was sniffling, but there was nothing I could do. I felt like bursting into tears myself. The other patrons of the restaurant were staring at us now, and I could only imagine what they were thinking. “Stay here,” I whispered to Jeha, before rushing to the counter to get more napkins. One of the staff members eventually came over with a mop, and I could only bow my head, apologizing repeatedly. It was hands down the most embarrassing moment of my entire life, but that feeling was trumped by the feeling of dread that had settled itself deeply in the pits of my stomach. I could no longer look at Jeha in the eye. I wrapped up his abandoned burger (in case he got hungry later), shoved some napkins and him, and herded him out of the restaurant. One silent cab ride later, we reached Jinyoung’s apartment. The moment I got the front door open, he disappeared into his room and slammed the door shut behind him.

When I was sure that he wasn’t coming out, I sat down in the living room and let myself cry.

Jinyoung came home barely an hour later. I was still in the same spot, and he just had to take one look at me to know that something was up. He tried to put his arms around me. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

I pushed him away. Now that he was back, I could finally get the hell out of this place. “I can’t, Jinyoung. I can’t.”

I bolted from his apartment, leaving him sitting there and wondering what on earth had happened.

---

Jinyoung called that night.

I was lying in bed, hoping that my sheets would just swallow me whole so I didn’t have to go out and face the world again, when my phone rang. I considered not answering it, because I didn’t want to deal with anything that he had to say, but I saw the contact photo on my phone screen and my heart softened.

I missed him. I felt like complete and utter crap, and he was the only person in the world who could make me feel better. Even if he’d indirectly caused the pain in the first place.

I answered.

“Hey.”

His voice was heavy, and I just knew in my heart that he wasn’t going to be able to give me the comfort I needed.

“You there?” he asked when I didn’t respond.

“Mm.”

On the other end, he was silent too. Then, he let out a low sigh. “I spoke to Jeha.”

“I see.”

“I’m really sorry. No matter what he was feeling, that’s no way for him to behave. I’m punishing him by reducing his computer time, and he’s going to write you an apology letter.”

“It’s alright, he doesn’t need to.”

“He does,” Jinyoung insisted. “I don’t punish him nearly enough and he’s a brat. I’m sorry.”

An uncomfortable silence fell. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. I kind of wanted to ask him what this meant for the both of us, but I was too afraid to because I had a feeling I knew what his answer would be. I didn’t have to ask anyway, because Jinyoung knew what was on my mind.

He always did. He got me in a way that no one else ever did.

“Ryeowon,” he said quietly, and I knew what was coming. I felt the heaviness in his voice in a place deep within me. I knew, and I understood. “I really, really like you. These past couple of months, I’ve been really happy. You helped me open up my heart in a way I never thought was possible after I lost my wife.”

“I know,” I said, biting my bottom lip to keep my voice steady. The tears were already threatening to fall, but I didn’t want him to hear that. “You’ve made me really happy too.”

“If things were different…” his voice cracked, and I could tell that this conversation was as hard for him as it was for me. “I mean, I just… I’m so sorry I started this when I knew there was a chance I could hurt you. It’s just… Jeha is my first priority, and he always will be.”

“I know,” I assured him. “You don’t have to apologize for that.”

“I’m sorry anyway,” Jinyoung replied softly. “You deserve so much more than I can give you.”

I wished he wouldn’t say that, because it wasn’t true. The relationship I’d had with him, however short-lived, was possibly the best I’d ever had. It was my first real relationship, one that was based on trust and mutual support, and was unlike any of my previous toxic, unhealthy ones. With Jinyoung, I felt like I could finally believe that soulmates actually existed. But of course, like everything else in my life, it was too good to be true. I had found the perfect man for me, but I couldn’t have him because someone else had found him first.

Story of my life.

“I think it’s for the best if we just… end things here.”

That opened the floodgates. I knew they were coming, but nevertheless, hearing those words hurt so much that for a moment, I was paralyzed. I pursed my lips, trying to hold it in so he couldn’t hear me breaking down. I tried to take in deep breaths through my nose.

“Ryeowon… you still there?”

“Yes,” I managed to choke out. “I… yeah. I understand.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

We both fell silent again. What was there left to say? None of my previous relationships had ended like this, so I had no idea how to end this conversation. I couldn’t very well scream at him like how I did with all my exes and ask him to go to hell, since he hadn’t done anything wrong. This was the most mature, adult break-up I’d ever had, and I was out of my element. It felt contrived to thank him for the memories, and I couldn’t offer to remain friends because I knew I could never be friends with him. I’d fallen too deeply in love with him for us to turn back.

Wow. Love. It was the first time I’d thought of it that way. What perfect timing to realize that I was in love with someone, right after he’d broken up with me.

Again, story of my life.

“I guess… I’ll see you around at the café?” he said first, after a long pause.

“Yeah. Bye, Jinyoung.”

Have a nice life.

“Bye, Ryeowon.”

---

“You need to get the fuck out of this place.”

I squinted against the bright light as Jihyun yanked the blinds open. Next, she went for the blanket that I had over me, leaving me exposed on the couch that I had in my studio.

“When was the last time you had a proper meal?” she demanded, wrinkling her nose in disdain at the empty ramyun cups that littered the table. “Or a shower?”

“Leave me alone,” I grumbled, trying to bury my head under a cushion.

Jihyun yanked that away from me too. “Yeah, that’s the problem. I’ve left you alone for way too long. Get your ass off that couch right now.”

The tone of her voice told me that she meant business. Jihyun was a straight talker, but she rarely got angry at me. Right now, she was definitely angry and ready to fight me. I could tell. Which was why I reluctantly dragged my heavy body into an upright position. “Happy?”

“Far from it,” she snapped. “What the fuck is this? You haven’t been answering my calls, you stopped going to the café… Are you trying to kill yourself? Over a failed relationship?”

“I’ve been working,” I refuted, standing and walking over to my workspace, where almost a dozen completed paintings were lined up neatly. “Apparently failed relationships are really good sources of inspiration.”

Jihyun sighed loudly as she scanned the pieces. “What the hell, Ryeowon? Have you run out of colors?”

I hadn’t planned for it to turn out this way, but now, looking at my paintings, I realized she was right. The entire collection of them had been completed using only black, white, and varying shades of gray. “It… It’s an artistic choice.”

“Don’t give me that bullshit,” Jihyun stated, rounding on me. “Babe, this isn’t healthy. It’s been weeks since the break-up. You can’t just hide in here surrounded by all these dark thoughts and dark paintings. How are you going to move on if you don’t start living your life normally again?”

“I’m living normally,” I insisted defensively. “I’ve been working.”

“You haven’t stepped into your usual café since the break-up. I asked Jaebum.”

That was a valid point, but there was a good reason for that. Jinyoung had said he’d see me around at the café, and I didn’t want to actually see him until I was ready so… I just haven’t gone.

“I can make coffee here,” I said, folding my arms.

“I bought you that coffee machine three years ago when you rented this space, and you never touched it,” Jihyun pointed out. “Come on, you need to get out. Meet people. Talk to people.”

“You know I hate that.”

“Communication is a fundamental human need, Ryeowon,” Jihyun said. “You need to do it so you don’t go crazy.” She sighed again as she faced me. “I know it’s hard, but you have to get over him.”

“I’m over him,” I said in a small voice, but because she was my closest friend in the world, she didn’t believe me.

“I know he was special,” she said, her voice softening. “But you can’t romanticize the idea of him and trap yourself in this spiral. At the end of the day, he’s just another guy who wasn’t meant to be. He’s a stop on your journey, and you need to get back up and keep moving on. You’ll find someone better. Someone with less baggage.”

I still couldn’t bear the mention of Jinyoung, so I nodded, even though I didn’t fully agree with her. “I know. I’m trying.”

“Good,” she said, with a small smile. “So no more moping. Let’s go out to dinner tonight. I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” I said, holding my arms open for a hug. I was lucky I had Jihyun in my life. Even if all the relationships in my life didn’t work out, I still had my best friend. Sometimes, I just needed a reminder of that.

She wrinkled her nose and stepped away from me. “After you take a shower, stinky.”

---

“Hi, are you Ryeowon?”

I looked up in curiosity at the man who was standing in front of me. “Um… yes?”

“Hi, my name is Bam Bam. I’m a friend of Jihyun’s.”

I stared at the lanky stranger as he pulled out the chair in front of me and sat down. Why was he sitting down? I was supposed to be meeting Jihyun for dinner at this restaurant, and she hadn’t told me she was bringing a friend. I’d asked for a table for two, so if her friend was here… It took me a moment before realization dawned on me.

Damn Jihyun. She’d set me up on a blind date.

The hypothesis was further confirmed when Bam Bam held out an ostentatious bouquet of roses. “Here, I brought these for you.”

“Uh, thanks.”

I was immensely annoyed at her. Why did she do these things to me? And why did she think I would be interested in this guy? Sure, he was handsome and built like a model, but his style was way too flashy. He had on a blazer with sequined details, and his ears were adorned with dangling silver earrings. His shirt was unbuttoned way too low, and I think he was wearing more make-up than I was. Not to mention, his hair was platinum blond and he was wearing shades even though it was night time. Where did she even meet this guy? On the runway at Seoul Fashion Week?

“You’re prettier in person than in the photo Jihyun showed me,” Bam Bam said with a charming smile, taking off his glasses and setting them down on the table.

My irritation only spiked. She showed him a photo of me? Which one?!

“Thanks… I guess?” I said through gritted teeth. “Pardon my surprise. I had no idea I was being set up on a blind date.”

Bam Bam was unfazed by that. “Oh, yeah, Jihyun did mention you might be a bit… resistant. But it’s all good. We can just have dinner as two friends who just met. No pressure.”

“Right.” He was right. I could have dinner with him. And then kill Jihyun later.

Dinner with Bam Bam wasn’t all bad. He was an entertaining character, and I could see that he’d be a fun friend to have around if I was in a group. One on one, he was just a little… much. He talked a lot about himself, and laughed a little too loudly at his own jokes. Long story short, I could tell why he was single and needed his friends to set him up on blind dates. In the history of blind dates, it wasn’t the worst date. It just wasn’t one of the good ones.

My eyes were wandering while Bam Bam launched into another anecdote about one of his restaurants (he was a restaurateur, not a model) when they landed on something that made my heart stop. Walking through the door, looking as breathtakingly handsome as the last time I’d seen him, was Jinyoung.

I cursed my luck that there were only like, two good restaurants in this neighborhood. Why else would I run into him here, of all places, when I’d been trying so hard to avoid him this whole time? And I also cursed Jihyun because if she’d just let me stay cocooned in my studio, this wouldn’t have happened. Especially not while I was on this blind date that she’d tricked me into.

It took a while for him to spot me. He looked like he’d just popped in to get some takeout, and he stayed at the counter, ordering and paying. Then, as the service staff left to prepare his order, he scanned the restaurant and caught sight of me. I felt like I should have pretended not to see him, or at the very least, made some attempt to hide that ridiculous bouquet on my table that just screamed that I was on a date, but I couldn’t help freezing when our eyes locked across the room. He was in a long coat and had a cap on, but I could still see that he’d lost a bit of weight. There was a hint of a five o’clock shadow on his face. I thought I saw a flash of betrayal in his eyes, and for a moment, I felt guilty.

“Hello, Ryeowon? What are you looking at?”

Bam Bam’s voice pulled me back to the conversation at hand, and I turned to face him once more. “Nothing. Just thought I saw someone I know, but I must be mistaken.”

“Happens to me all the time,” Bam Bam chortled. “As I was saying, this is Latte, and this is Pudding…”

I feigned interest as Bam Bam leaned over to show me pictures of his cats on his phone. When I finally got a moment to glance back over at the counter, Jinyoung was gone. There was an empty feeling in my heart, but at least it didn’t hurt anymore. Time seemed to have dulled the pain from our break-up. I looked at Bam Bam again and told myself I didn’t have to feel guilty. Sure, it was a little soon, but we were broken up, and I had every right to date someone new. I had no interest in the man right in front of me, but I could date him if I wanted to. I had done nothing wrong.

That was what I told myself.

But at the end of the night, after I had said goodbye to Bam Bam with empty promises of meeting up again and returned to the cold silence of my room, I still cried myself to sleep.

---

More time passed, and I was, slowly but surely, healing.

I was still avoiding Jus Coffee, but I’d found another place to get my caffeine fix. Just one block down, a small coffee place had opened up. It wasn’t a café, just a small takeaway window, and I passed by it every day on my way from home to studio. It was so hipster that it didn’t even have a name, and I knew it by the number 2 that hung above the window, signifying the unit number of the store. It was run by a friendly barista, Yugyeom, and I hit my daily communication quota by chatting with him while he made my coffee.

Colors were finding their way back into my paintings too. Okay, maybe just some blues and purples to add dimension to my black and white paintings, but it was a start. The whole collection was starting to come together too. I had channeled all my heartbreak onto the canvas, and there was something incredibly therapeutic about watching the artwork take shape. My agent would be happy with this series too. This time, there would be a real lost-love story he could tell potential buyers.

It also no longer felt as if my heart was being ripped in two when I thought about Jinyoung during long nights. Every night, it hurt less and less. I was on the road to making a full recovery.

That all came to a head one day, when I was making my daily coffee run.

“Hey, Yugyeom, I’m here for my daily long black!” I called, popping my head into the window. My smile quickly died when I saw that Yugyeom wasn’t alone. There was someone else very unexpected standing beside him behind the counter. “Oh. Hey, Jaebum.” For some weird reason, I felt like I was cheating on him. “I didn’t know you guys knew each other.”

“He was my senior in high school,” Yugyeom said cheerfully. “Let me get you your coffee.”

“Thanks,” I said awkwardly. If he went to the same high school as Jaebum, that meant that he probably also knew Jinyoung.

“Didn’t expect this twerp to open up a shop right down the block from me and steal my customers,” Jaebum commented with a laugh. “Is his coffee really better than mine?”

“I, uh… I’ve been busy,” I said, feeling weird that I had to make up excuses to explain why I was buying coffee from another joint. “This place is a bit more convenient.”

Jaebum laughed. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I was just kidding.”

I laughed awkwardly. “What are you doing here, instead of at your own café?”

“Actually, I was looking for you,” Jaebum said. “I didn’t have a way to reach you, and by chance, Yugyeom and I were talking and he mentioned your name. Since your name is pretty unique, I thought there was a high chance that it might actually be you.”

I was confused. “You’re looking for me? Why?”

“Ah, it’s not for myself,” Jaebum clarified. “I’m doing someone else a favor.” He craned his neck to look out of the window. “Where’s that fella? The convenience store isn’t that far from here… There he is. That’s the person who wants to meet you.”

I turned in the direction he was pointing, and my stomach sank like a brick.

“Hello, Ryeowon-ssaem.” The boy held out one of the ice-cream cones he was holding in his hands. “This is for you.”

I was confused as hell. I looked back at Jaebum for help, but he just raised his eyebrows at me. Realizing that I was leaving the kid hanging, I took the outstretched offering. “Um, thanks.”

Behind me, Jaebum held out his hand too. “My change?”

Jeha scurried past me to drop some change in Jaebum’s hand.

“Thank you,” Jaebum said with a smile. “Now, didn’t you say you had something you wanted to say to Ryeowon-ssaem?”

Jeha nodded. “Yes. Ryeowon-ssaem, can I talk to you?”

The whole situation was just so baffling. Given the way our last conversation had ended, Jeha was the last person that I expected to be reaching out first. Yet, here he was, looking somewhat morose as he peered at me from under his long lashes. I had to admit, I was actually a little scared, but I couldn’t say no. And that was how we found ourselves sitting side by side on the curb in front of Yugyeom’s store.

“I need to tell you that I’m sorry,” Jeha said quickly, without beating around the bush. He sounded nervous and his words sounded as if he’d rehearsed them. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you and said hurtful things to you. You were being nice to me, and I was rude and ungrateful. I’m very sorry.”

I smiled awkwardly. “It’s okay, I forgive you. Your appa said you were punished and you had to write a letter. You don’t actually have to meet me face to face to apologize.”

“I know, but I wanted to,” Jeha responded, reminding me again how mature he was for an eight-year-old. “Other than saying I’m sorry, I also wanted to ask you for a favor.”

That caused a feeling of unease. “You do? What is it?”

“Please be with my appa again.”

I could only stare at him in bewilderment, surprised at his proclamation. “What?”

“I was scared,” Jeha explained. “I thought that you were going to take my appa away. He was sad for a long after umma was gone, but he was happy when you were together. I know you’re not trying to replace umma but I was worried he was going to forget her.”

“He will never forget her, Jeha,” I assured him. “She’s a huge part of your lives and she always will be. But it doesn’t mean that your appa has to be sad forever to remember her.”

“I know that now,” Jeha answered. “I was being selfish and I wasn’t thinking about how he felt. It’s been a long time since he was happy, but he was happy because he cared about you and you cared about him. You made things better for him, but I ruined it.”

Wow. For a moment, I was just speechless. I was blown away at how reflective the kid was. Was he supposed to be like this? Were other eight-year-olds also like this? “Jeha, it’s not your fault,” I explained to him carefully. And it wasn’t. At the end of the day, I had been too scared to accept everything that came along with Jinyoung, and he’d been too scared to fight for me. The kid had been a trigger, but he wasn’t the only problem. “Sometimes, when adults are together, problems arise. Your appa and I were happy for a while, but if we continue, we might not be. And when we don’t see a future together, it’s alright for us to part. We both made that decision, not you.”

“But you wouldn’t have made that decision if I didn’t scream at you.”

“We can’t know that,” I pointed out with a chuckle. “Either ways, we both thought about it, and we decided that this was for the best. It’s not your fault at all, Jeha. Okay?”

Jeha blinked, clearly confused and not satisfied with my answer. “If this is for the best, then why is Appa so sad?”

My smile faltered. Was he still upset over the break-up? It’d been months by now, and I’d thought that I was slow in my recovery, but even then, I was starting to feel good about myself again. I’d worried about how Jinyoung was doing, of course, but I’d always assumed that he’d be able to get back on his feet quicker than I did, simply because he had more things to worry about in his life.

“He doesn’t go out anymore,” Jeha continued. “He goes to work and then he comes home, and he just lies on the couch for hours at a time, staring at the ceiling. He tries to go out with me, but he’s always so tired and restless. When he smiles or laughs, I can tell that he’s pretending. I think he’s sad because he misses you.”

That did sound bad. It also sounded a lot like how I was the first few weeks. All I wanted to do was to curl up and forget that I could no longer seek shelter in his warm embrace, or feel his loving kisses on my forehead, or hear his deep laughter beside my ear. I hated everything that reminded me of him. I couldn’t look at a book, I couldn’t wear knitted sweaters, and I didn’t even want to let in sunlight because anything warm and bright reminded me of him.

But it got better. It eventually did. And it eventually will for Jinyoung. As much as my heart ached, I knew that I wasn’t the right person to make things better for him.

“Jeha, I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I can’t escape the blame for your appa feeling so down, and I care about him, I really do. But I also want you to know that us being together again is not the answer. If we’re not right for each other, this is going to happen again in the future.” And also, if Jinyoung wanted me back, he knew where to find me. The fact that he’d been avoiding me as much as I had been avoiding him meant that he knew this too. Getting over each other was a battle we had to fight alone.

“But…”

“I know it’s hard to understand,” I told him. “But I’m not the person who can help him feel better, Jeha. You are. You’re the most important person in his life, and if you’re happy and healthy, he’ll be happy too. Can you be strong for him, Jeha?”

Jeha didn’t look like he fully agreed with me, but he nodded anyway. “Does this mean you won’t see us again?”

That hit me a little harder than I thought it would. Yeah, I guess this was it. I forced a smile. How could I break his heart when he was looking at me with that adorable pout that was a splitting image of his father’s? “Of course not. My offer for you to come to my studio to make art still stands. I’ll call you when I have time, okay?”

Even as I said it, I knew I was making a promise I had no intention of keeping.

---

I pulled on the handle of the door, rattling it even though I already knew it was locked. I peered in through the glass, hoping to catch sight of someone, but the lights were off and it was empty.

Exactly the same as it had been the last three times I’d checked.

I sighed and pulled out my phone, calling Jaebum again but like the last three times, it rang on and on with nobody picking up. He’d forced my number out of me that time he’d ambushed me at Yugyeom’s, claiming he might need it ‘for emergencies’, but thankfully hadn’t used it. At least, not until last night, when he’d said that he needed to talk to me and asked me to meet him here, at his café. I’d arrived on time, despite every rational cell in my body telling me that I shouldn’t even be here, and I was quickly regretting it.

His café didn’t even open on Tuesdays.

I shoved my phone back into my pocket, genuinely pissed. He was going to get it from me the next time I saw him. I didn’t even know him that well. I had no idea why he thought it would be fun to pull a prank on me.

I was turning to leave when the sight of someone walking towards me made me freeze.

It was Jinyoung.

He was looking at a bunch of keys in his hand, and didn’t even see me until he was two steps away from me. He was in a casual sweatshirt and jeans, with a cap on his head and a face mask obscuring the bottom half of his face. When he spotted me, he stopped short. Then, he slowly pulled down the mask, as if he felt the need to identify himself.

“Oh,” he said breathlessly. “Hey.”

I didn’t know what to do with myself. “Um, hey.”

We both stood there, staring in silence at each other for a moment. He looked worse than the last time I’d seen him, now that I was looking at him up close. He used to be really sensitive about his facial hair, and would shave a second time in a day if he felt even a hint of stubble. Now, it looked like he’d let it grow for a few days and it was rough and patchy. His face looked gaunt and there were bags under his eyes. There was a frizzy tuft of hair sticking out under his cap that indicated that he’d pulled on the cap hurriedly to hide his messy, unstyled hair. This was a far cry from the poised, put-together Jinyoung that I used to know.

“Wha-uh…” He scratched the back of his neck, looking at me, but not quite meeting my eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“Jaebum asked me to meet him here,” I said, ignoring the way my heart was beginning to hurt again the longer I stood there looking at him. “I had no idea he, um…”

“Oh, he was meeting you?” Jinyoung asked, surprised. “He said there was an emergency and he needed me to come unlock the door for him. Was there something you needed?”

I shook my head. “No. I actually haven’t been here in a while. He just told me to meet him here without explaining anything, and now he won’t answer my calls.”

The corners of Jinyoung’s lips twitched as realization dawned upon him. “Ah… I see. It looks like he’s done it again.”

I was confused for a moment, but seeing his raised eyebrows, I finally got the message. He’d done this on purpose, so that we would meet. Again. “Dammit. And I fell for it again.”

Jinyoung let out a light chuckle. “So did I. He’s a real meddler, isn’t he?”

“He really is,” I huffed. “I don’t know him very well, but I don’t think I like him very much.”

Jinyoung jingled the keys in his hands. “In that case, shall we take revenge? For all the years I’ve known him, he’s never even offered me a free coffee.”

Just for a split second, I hesitated. I didn’t feel confident enough to be alone with Jinyoung just yet. But with the way he was looking at me hopefully, I just couldn’t say no to him. “Sure. I’ve always thought he overcharged for coffee anyway.”

Jinyoung opened the door of the café and we went inside. I took a seat at the bar, while Jinyoung went behind the counter, switching on equipment with a practiced ease. I allowed myself to indulge in the sight of him grinding coffee beans like a pro. “This look suits you,” I couldn’t stop myself from teasing. “Barista Nyoung.”

Jinyoung cracked a smile. “I’m a man of many talents.”

“I’ll judge for myself after I’ve tasted the coffee,” I quipped. For just a second, I allowed myself to bask in the moment we’d just shared. It felt good, to be able to talk to each other in this light-hearted manner again. I wondered if I’d been worried for nothing. Maybe it was possible for us to be friends.

He finished making two cups of coffee and went around the counter to sit beside me. That felt slightly awkward, even though he made sure to keep a respectful distance between the two of us. I took a sip of the coffee just to fill the empty silence.

“How is it?”

I nodded. “It’s pretty good.”

He nodded too. “Good.”

We both fell silent again. I stared at my coffee, not really wanting to look at him, but I could feel him doing the exact opposite. His body was slightly angled towards me, and I could sense that he was staring at me.

“You look good,” he said after a long time.

“Thanks,” I replied awkwardly, glancing at him. “You too.”

“You don’t have to lie,” Jinyoung said with a bitter smile. He rubbed his chin self-consciously. “I look like a mess.”

I couldn’t even dispute that, so I said nothing and took another sip of coffee.

“So, how’s you and uh…” He scrunched his nose up. “Bam Bam, right?”

My head snapped towards him in astonishment. “What? How did you…”

“I saw you on a date,” Jinyoung admitted. He probably wasn’t sure that I’d seen him too. “And, I uh… I just asked someone. He’s pretty well-known in these parts.”

That, I had no doubt about. During our date, we had been interrupted multiple times by people who had recognized him and just come to say hi. “It wasn’t a real date,” I said sheepishly. “Or, it kinda was, but not… Jihyun set me up. Without telling me.”

“Oh,” Jinyoung said. I wasn’t quite sure if that was glee I detected in his tone. “So… you’re not still seeing him?”

I shook my head. “No. He’s not my type.” I wanted to add that he should know that, but I didn’t.

“I thought so too,” Jinyoung mused. “But I wasn’t sure.”

There was more I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him to give me a bit more credit and that I wouldn’t have moved on so quickly, but we were interrupted by the sound of both our phones going off at the same time.

“It’s Jaebum,” I said, looking at the screen of my phone. I opened the text message that he’d sent.

Just a disclaimer: I wasn’t the mastermind.

There was a photograph attached, and when I opened it, it was a picture of him and Jeha, both of them grinning cheekily for the camera. I looked up at Jinyoung, and he held out his phone to me, to show me that he’d gotten the exact same message.

“Now he’s even corrupting your son,” I complained. “You should really re-assess your friendship.”

Jinyoung chuckled. “I don’t know. I feel like I need him. He’s always the one who gives me a push when I’m too afraid to go after what I want.”

I looked at him, feeling my mouth turn dry. He wasn’t joking anymore. I could tell by his expression.

“I was always painfully shy,” Jinyoung explained. “When I met my wife, I had the biggest crush on her. We took the same classes for two years, but I didn’t even dare to say hi. It was Jaebum who introduced us. When I graduated, I really wanted to work for my current company, but I didn’t have the confidence to apply because my grades weren’t fantastic and they were the top publishing house in the country. Jaebum was the one who sent in my resume. He was always there for all the important moments in my life, helping me find the courage to make major decisions. He was there when I proposed, he was there when Jeha was born, and he was there when my wife passed. He was the one who made me talk to you, and that’s still something I’m extremely grateful for.”

“Technically, he made me talk to you,” I pointed out with a small smile.

He, too, smiled at the memory. “And that was the push I needed. Today, too… It looks like he’s done it again. I was too much of a coward to call you, even though I was dying to talk to you. It’s like he knew what I wanted, even without me saying it.”

My heart was pounding in my chest now. This was the reason why I’d been avoiding him. I couldn’t listen to him say these things. “You could have called. If you wanted to talk. I would have answered.”

“I wanted to,” Jinyoung said, looking sad. “So many times. When things got hard, all I wanted was to hear your voice. But how could I? I’d hurt you so much. I couldn’t be selfish and stop you from moving on.”

There were so many emotions swirling within me that I couldn’t even begin to process them. “I thought you didn’t call because you wanted a clean break. Because you didn’t want me back.”

“That’s bullshit,” Jinyoung said, looking pained. “There’s nothing I want more than to have you beside me again, but how can I? I have nothing to offer you, and you deserve so much better.”

“Stop saying that,” I chided, feeling tears well up. “You keep saying that, but you can’t decide for me what I want, or what I deserve. You broke up with me without even asking me what I wanted.”

Jinyoung looked down, ashamed. “I know, and I’m sorry. It just didn’t seem fair that you had to make such a big sacrifice to be with me. And I can’t change my circumstances. I’ve been married before, and I have a child…”

“Did you think of asking me if I was willing to make such a sacrifice?” I asked. “If I minded any of that?”

“Well, did you?”

He’d asked that so suddenly that I was stunned. We stared at each other for a long while. Mixed within the hurt and pain was now a hint of hope. But I knew I couldn’t let myself get carried away in the moment and make another empty promise. “Jinyoung… Our break-up wasn’t entirely your fault. I was scared. I don’t know if I was ready to make that decision. I just wished you didn’t make it for me.”

Jinyoung’s shoulders slumped. “I know. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have rushed things before you were both ready. Both you and Jeha suffered because I was greedy.”

I couldn’t disagree. “Maybe. But I understand where you were coming from. I mean, you really love Jeha—”

“And you,” he interrupted me, his eyes unwavering. “I also love you.”

That took the wind out of my lungs again. Firstly, he’d never said that before, when we were dating. Secondly, he’d said it in the present tense. Love, not loved.

“Are you that surprised?” he asked, his forehead creasing just the slightest. “What I feel towards you is strong, and powerful. It’s not some silly fling that I can get over easily. When I saw you on that date, looking so cozy with another man, I thought I was going to die.”

I couldn’t believe that he was saying all these things now, of all times, after we’d already broken up. Frankly, I was a bit annoyed. This was exactly how it’d been at the beginning, when he’d been too much of a coward to talk to me, and I’d had to make the first move. And then again, after he kissed me and pretended that it didn’t happen. I was done with him being so confusing and just saying all these things to sway me, and then doing absolutely nothing about it. I folded my arms over my chest. “Then say it.”

He looked confused. “Say what?”

“You want me back, right?” I asked, eyebrow raised. “Then ask me. Ask me to take you back.”

I could see the conflicting emotions that flashed through his mind. “I… I can’t.”

“Then you won’t have me back. Ever.”

“Ryeowon…”

“You don’t have the right to say all these things to me if you’re not going to ask me,” I stated shortly. “How do you know that I’m going to say yes? If I feel like I’ll be suffering by being with you, I can say no. The point is, I have the right to decide. When you don’t ask me, you take that away from me.” He tried to say something, but I was on a roll. “And when you don’t ask, you never make your intentions known. For all I know, you’re not willing to fight to make things work.”

“I am,” Jinyoung insisted desperately. “It’s just…” He took a deep breath. “You’re right. I’ve been incredibly selfish. I need to learn how to just put my feelings out there, even if it means getting hurt.”

“I’ve always done that with you,” I said softly. “I never held back when I was with you.”

“And that’s something I love about you,” Jinyoung responded. “You’re so much braver and stronger than I am.” He took off his cap and ran a hand through his unruly hair. “This break-up really wrecked me big-time, but look at you…”

I snorted. “What? If you’d seen me two weeks ago…”

“I’m sure you would have been just as beautiful as you are now,” Jinyoung said, smiling fondly at me. He reached out to clasp my hands in his. “I love you. I really, really do.”

I arched an eyebrow at him. “And…?”

“I’ve been an idiot,” he continued. “But please, can we try again? I promise this time, I won’t pressure you into anything you’re not ready for, and I won’t make assumptions and decisions—”

“Stop,” I cut him off, unable to stop the smile from tugging at my lips. “No explanations, no putting yourself down. Get straight to the point.”

He chuckled, his hands tightening around mine just slightly. “Please, Ryeowon, will you take me back?”

“I’m scared too,” I admitted. “There’s no guarantee that it’ll work out, or that there’ll be a future for us. There are a million and one things that could possibly go wrong. But I’m willing to try together, to work things out.”

“No explanations,” Jinyoung teased. “Get straight to the point. A simple yes or no would suffice.”

I scowled, snatching my hands away from him, and he burst out laughing, before tugging me to him. For the first time since we’d started talking, his smile actually reached the corners of his eyes. He pulled me closer, and kissed me in a way that had me melting into him.

I’d missed him so much. For a long time, it’d felt like I was cold and empty inside, but now, he was here and he was mine again, and it was making me feel warmth I never thought imaginable. It felt like I’d spent a long day out in the cold, and then wandered into a café and now had a steaming cup of long black in my hands.

For the first time in my life, sitting there with Jinyoung in that café, I finally understood what love felt like:

A cup of coffee.

#jinyoung #got7 jinyoung #got7 #park jinyoung #fanfic #writing #fluff #angst #kpop fanfic #got7 fanfic

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vicstoriies · 5 years

Photo

2009.

"What brings you here today?" The question feels loaded and she doesn't exactly know how to respond. She didn't want to come here, but it was David who suggested that it was a good idea for her to talk out her past experiences so she can learn how to move on from them. It was difficult for her to get used to life without DC there, hovering over her just waiting for her to fuck up by his standards. She was also have a difficult time adjusting to becoming less of the shell she'd turned into. His incarceration was probably the best thing to ever happen to her and even with his mistreatment of her as his wife, she hates to feel that way about him. After all, she was married to him for nearly twenty years of her life... and even with all the bullshit and the pain, she did love him. That was her problem. Victoria shifts uncomfortably in her seat before finally responding to the question, "I'll be honest with you, I didn't want to come here and I wasn't going to. It was my co-worker who convinced me that it was a good idea." She watches as Dr. Larkin scribbles in her notepad and feels herself becoming even more uncomfortable. It's then that the room gets warmer, like the temperature was raised about ten degrees too high. She pulls the sweater she's wearing by the collar, away from her neck, in an attempt to cool herself down. She's nervous and it shows in how fidgety she is. Dr. Larkin looks up from her notebook with the look of neutrality that David explained to her when he suggested therapy. Apparently, it was effective to speak to someone who had no emotional ties to either parties. More often than not, Victoria was left to fend for herself over the yeas. It was a long, lonely ride but somehow, she'd made it. This was just another step in the right direction, David would say. "Why do you think that is?" "B-because of..." She struggles because she can't help the bitter taste of betrayal that forms on her tongue. She feels that by telling her story, any part of her story, she's betraying him. Hurting him in some way and convincing herself that she's no better than he is by badmouthing him to some stranger. It's not gossip though, it's truth. Her truth, for once. "━because of my husband. Well, soon-to-be ex-husband." "And what is your ex-husband's name?" "Declan, but he goes by DC." Dr. Larkin writes it down. "And why would you be here because of Declan?" "He was..." she struggles once more, this time breaking the minimal eye contact she already had with the doctor to drop her gaze down to her feet. "It's okay, this is a safe place. You're safe here. Nothing leaves this office. What did he do?" "He was... abusive." She looked back up at her, "... very abusive." "Abusive, how?" "Seriously? How are they usually abusive?" "Abuse could be physical... emotional... mental..." "I guess I'll take option D for 'all of the above'..." "Mrs. Deschaine━" She corrects her, "Victoria. Mrs. Deschaine is my mother-in-law." Dr. Larkin continues with a nod, "Victoria, why don't you tell me about the first time you started noticing his negative behavior?" "Like, the first time he hit me?" It was something she longs to forget, but her memory has always been very good. She remembers everything, especially the bad, details and all. not even a few knocks in the head could make her forget the moment when she realized she'd made a mistake. "Perhaps, instead, tell me what he was like when you first met? We'll start from the beginning." There's a soft chuckle that escapes her when the memory came flooding back to the forefront of her mind, "Oh, when we first met... he was a dream." Th room around them seems to fade, bringing her back to many years prior when she was still in high school. When all of her hopes and dreams for her future might be like were open to endless opportunities, before things got really bad. I was pretty popular in high school because I was a cheerleader, she begins the story, but I didn't thrive on the popularity like other people did. My close group of friends weren't involved in any of the sports at school but were creative, imaginative people. I dated a football player for two years before Declan, but I broke up with him when I found out that he was cheating on me with a girl on the cheerleading squad because I wouldn't put out for him. She laughs, thinking about what she'd ended up with instead. Everyone knew of DC and his family. The Deschaines are like Limbo royalty. He wasn't involved in any athletics or school activities either, but he was popular with everybody anyway. Uncommon for a group of delinquents who hung around wearing leather and riding motorcycles, isn't it? She shrugs, But Declan, he was charming. He had a charisma about him that made him irresistible to those around him, especially the girls. Me? I wasn't too interested... my dad was the Chief of Police and he warned me against that group of people daily. I was a good girl. I listened, until I didn't. I remember it was a graduation party that DC was also invited to, although he dropped out of school a year prior. Rumor was that it was so he could prospect for the local motorcycle club, DC confirmed that after we got together Anyway, I was actually kind of bummed about graduation because I knew that it meant change. Friends would lose touch and college was right around the corner. I was still unsure of what I wanted to do with my life. I spent most of the party in the corner of the room, feeling sorry for myself, with a drink in my hand that I barely touched. Everyone else was having a good time and celebrating their success. But I remember the first time our eyes locked on each other's. Every feeling I felt is still so vivid. He was so handsome and he had a smile that made eighteen year old me so weak in the knees, that I had to brace myself against the wall behind me so that I wouldn't fall on my ass. It was the first time I understood why all the girls fell over themselves just to impress him. I was the first one to break the eye contact, but I know DC took his eyes off of me. I was probably as red as that shirt your wearing, she nodded towards the shirt Dr. Larkin had on, I was so embarrassed. But he walked over to me, confident as ever. I remember my... he would be my future brother-in-law, Marc, trailing behind him until DC told him to stay back. I swear, my hands were shaking so badly, I'm so sure he noticed. "What're you doin' here all by yourself?" He asked with the biggest grin stretched across his face, like talking to me was equivalent to winning the lottery. He closed the space between us some, but I noticed he kept enough distance not to make me uncomfortable. "I'm not alone. Just not really in the partying mood." He looks down at the drink in my hand and I feel pathetic for not having taken more than two sips from it. He doesn't seem to care though and he looks back into my eyes and I swear, I could get lost in his. "How 'bout you dance with me? Maybe that'll help you get in tha' partyin' mood?" "Oh, I'm not a dancer." I lied because I actually wasn't bad at it, I was just too nervous to accept the offer. I knew I'd embarrass myself. All DC does is laugh, while he takes the cup from my hand and sets it down on a nearby table. He takes my hand and leads me towards the dance floor. "You're a cheerleader, that's close." I didn't expect him to even know who I was, let alone that I was a cheerleader. He must've noticed the look of surprise contorted into my features. "Don't think I don't know who you are, Victoria Anderson. I've been watchin' you for awhile." His fingers intertwine with mine and he pulls me close. I remember the song being a fast one because I made a comment about it, but he insisted on a slow dance anyway. It was more intimate, he said, and he wanted to be close to me. I could hear whistling and shouting from his friends somewhere off in the distance when his forehead rested against mine and he let go of my hand briefly, probably to flip them off. "You cut your hair," He points out. "I remember it bein' longer." He traces a finger down my spine and stopped at the small of my back. "'bout this long, wasn't it?" I didn't realize until then just how much he paid attention to me. I was so taken by him. My own sisters barely noticed the haircut and they saw me everyday. "Um, yeah, that's right. My mom told me that it was getting too long and said it was time for a trim... and well, the lady at the salon kind of got scissor-happy." "I liked it that long." I suddenly felt silly for listening to my other, but it would grow back. I'd only spoken to him for a few minutes by then, but I already felt like I was falling in love with him. I don't remember it being that way with my ex-boyfriend. We were just kind of together because that's what made sense. But DC? DC made me feel like I was looking at my soulmate. We actually ended up spending the rest of the night together and eventually we ended up leaving the party. It was the first time I'd ever driven on a motorcycle. He took me to his favorite spot, we talked for hours, I missed my curfew for the first time ever. I felt like I'd known him forever, he was so captivating to me. The last thing he said to me that night before he kissed my cheek was, "'m gonna marry you someday," And all I could do was laugh, but inside? I was a wreck. It felt like a fairy tale, like I was watching myself in a movie. All of it felt so surreal. He felt too good to be true. Reality set back in and she watched as Dr. Larking continued scribbling everything down. She wonders briefly what her notes say. "... turns out, he was too good to be true." she swallows hard. "Funny thing is, looking back now, I feel like even then... he gave me no choice but to fall in love with him. Like from the very moment he set his sights on me, I was his. That probably sounds stupid." Dr. Larkin shook her head, "Not at all, Victoria. This was a good start. Our session is almost up, but I would like to continue seeing you.How does next week, same day and time sound?" Victoria nods, "Sure."

#｢❀ ♡ * ｣ DRABBLE » victoria&declan.#｢❀ ♡ * ｣ DRABBLE » victoria&antoinette.#｢❀ ♡ * ｣ DRABBLE » therapy sessions.

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meshugana1 · 6 years

Note

Could you turn me into an attractive maid? My friends keep making fun of me about how I'm single because of my looks, my shy and timid personality. Plus, I need a job to pay off a bunch of debts.

My breath grew cold and heavy in my lungs like I had inhaled a block of ice. The center of the room felt like it was dangerous all of a sudden and every cell in my body screamed for me to avoid it. I couldn’t though, this was about personal growth. I wanted to slap myself but that would look really weird. Come on, come on, you can do this Jack. You’re the man, this is easy as pie. The scene played out before me. I had unconsciously crossed my arms as a woman asked a seated man about airfare to the Bermuda triangle. “What do ya want air rates for? We don’t even know if there’s no airports there anyway,” the travel agent said.“Well yes but ships always go missing in there,” she said.“Yeah, but we at least know there’s a couple docks so it’s probably safer.”“Probably? How often do ships go missing there?”“All the time. Every ship we send never comes back.” Come on Jack, jump in.“If no ships ever come back how does your company have such positive reviews?”“Well, no one’s come back to give us a bad one.” The crowd surrounding the pair chuckle and laugh, all but me. I’m still too nervous, a million lines and ideas are all competing in my head and it’s all too much. I’m sure a vein is throbbing somewhere in my head.

“Hey man, I thought you said you’d get up there tonight? I’m bummed I didn’t get to see you freeze up in front of everybody,” Alan said. He was the lovable asshole that first suggested I come with him to his improve class to ‘break out of my shell’. I was perfectly fine in it, but it still got lonely. It was over nine years since my last girlfriend, and I’m not even sure how that one happened. “Sorry, I just got a little sidetracked thinking of what to say,” I said as I popped two Tylenol to squash the headache I gave myself. “That’s the fuckin problem dude, you don’t have to think in improve. You just do, ya know?” I didn’t know in fact. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t take a weekend off to plan out all the conversations I was going to have the following week. I was always just so scared of saying the wrong thing. “I’ll try better next time, I need to get to my night job or that dick boss of mine is gonna fire me.”“Ya know, I’ve heard you call him dick, asshole, fuckhead, motherfucker, cocksucker, pissant, and douce, but I don’t think I heard his name yet.”“Yeah, I may not like it but I really need the money. I have those student loans I took out remember?” This made Alan laugh, way harder than I thought was necessary. “Oh yeah, you were all set for a law degree and you got kicked out like the first day cause you called some woman ‘the most fuckable MILF you ever saw’.”“Yeah.”“And who did she turn out to be, again?”“The dean, alright? She was the dean.” Alan laughed so hard I thought he was actually choking. Part of me wished he would.

I waited for Alan to recompose himself, he was the only one of us who could afford a car. I scanned the dimly lit hallway of the rec center. Looking for anything that could take my mind off my friend’s enjoyment of my situation. I saw a worn out cork board on the opposite wall lined with various ads. Better than listening to him choke on my misery. One said there was a snowmobile trailer in like new condition for sale, only $8500. Another advertised an old woman’s piano class, three times a week for only ten dollars a lesson. That was actually pretty good. A bright pink one hidden beneath a wanted poster from 1993 proclaimed the need for a groundskeeper at a country estate and offered to pay a hundred dollars an hour plus room and board. “What!?”

A hundred friggin dollars an hour? I work a total eighteen hours a day between both my jobs and I barely bring home three hundred a week! “What’s wrong?” Alan said.“This lady want’s to pay someone a hundred dollars an hour to mow her lawn and stuff!”“No way, let me see,” Alan said grabbing the flyer from me. “Oh dude, that’s that old Haderly place like five miles outside town.”“So?”“Dude, she like a shut-in. But from what I hear she’s a total babe and makes all her money from doing cam shows online. No way you can work for a woman like that.”“Wow, I’m not used to hearing you so mature Alan.”“What? No, you can’t work for her cause you’re shy, short, and um, a homely guy. She’s not gonna want to hire you. She probably wants some super stud around to ogle at and get her in the mood. Sounds like a job for me!” Now it was my turn to laugh. He might have had a little nugget of a point, but he wasn’t exactly much better looking than me.“Don’t you dare. If anyone needs this job I do. You make plenty of money at your job.”“Not a hundred fucking dollars an hour. Don’t worry, when I’m loaded and she and I start dating we’ll let you live in the attic or something,” he said with a smile.

It was an expensive Uber ride out to the property, but one hours wages from this lady would pay it back and more. It was early, the sunrise only just began to blind me as I walked down the path to the house. My fingers traced along the flyer as I walk, I would have called but there was no phone number on it, just this address. The air was so clean and filled with moisture I could hardly believe it. And the yard was nothing less than colossal. I had no idea there were even yards like this in the area. It looked like you had to measure it in acres. It took me nearly thirty minutes to walk it straight down the middle, no wonder the salary was so high, this was a full-time job. I was finally close enough to make out the detail on the ornate wooden doors when I saw another door at the side of the house open wide and a man stepped out. He was huge, built like a brick house and wore a really tight white shirt and jeans combo. He raised a Panama hat to his head and looked over the property with a steely gaze. Was this guy the lady’s husband? Not a second later did he reach back and grab a shovel and rake from the same doorway. Oh shit, was he a groundskeeper? Am I too late? Fuck, no wait. This place is huge, maybe she needs two? Oh please god need two, the ride back is gonna kill my wallet.

The closer I get the more beautiful the house looks. This might actually be an old plantation home. That would make sense given the size of the yard. I can tell it’s solidly built as I step on the porch. Not a single creak or grown from the wood at all. I take a second before I knock on the door to check my appearance. My shirt is tucked, my shoes are clean, and my hair feels good. Ok, you’ve reversed this a hundred times since last night. Knock on the door, she answers. I say hello and offer a handshake, not too firm. We exchange names, I ask about the job. She asks my qualifications, can’t be too complicated for yard work. She either says yes or no, shake hands again and say thank you. Then I go home and wait for the call. Easy. I turn to knock on the door only find it already open, with a very beautiful woman laying against the doorframe.

“And how can I help you young man?” she said. Her hair was a light brown color, accented with thin streaks of white. Her face looked beautiful despite light evidence of aging. He skin was still tight, but there was the odd wrinkle here and there. She wore a burgundy silk robe that failed completely at masking her impressive figure. Her hips made waves in her robe as they rested on the bawdy flesh. She looked like an ex-playboy bunny. “Young man? How can I help you?” she said. I hadn’t realized but her sudden appearance had thrown me off. “Oh, um, well,” I said. I fumbled with my hands trying to produce the slip for her. “I, well I was hoping that you could maybe hire me as a gardener. I mean the groundskeeper job,” oh god. I totally fucked this up. She had a questioning look on her face as she grabbed the flyer. “Well first off if you’re begging for a job you should probably lead with your name.”“Right, it’s Jack. I mean I’m Jack,” goddamnit Jack, you totally fucked up.“Thank you, Jack, my name is Irene Haderly. Secondly, I’m sorry to say that I filled that position over two years ago. This is just an old flyer, you probably already saw my groundskeeper, Samson, this morning. He’s more than enough for the property. What I really need right now is a maid. My last one quit about a month ago and it kills my knees cleaning this place by myself. So unless you want that job I can’t really help you.”

I knew it was too good to be true. I never catch any breaks, I’m gonna be in debt for the rest of my goddamn life. But as she turned her back to me I felt this little ball of white-hot anger in my stomach grow. I was pissed at everything. My shitty apartment, my negative bank account, my stupid shyness, and it just sort of exploded. “Does the maid job pay just as well?!” I said. God, even angry I’m pathetic. But my whiny ejaculation seemed to peak her interest. “It does, actually. Even better, one-fifty an hour plus room and board. You would be expected to live here while you’re employed by me, and there is an appearance code that needs to be followed, are you up for that?” It was even better than I hoped, except for the appearance code. “Um, you’re not going to make me crossdress, are you?” Hell for that much money I wouldn’t even mind. “No, no. Nothing like that. You would, of course, need to sign an agreement, I lose maids so often I would just feel better if you made a commitment to working and living here. Would six months be alright with you?” Six months? At one-fifty an hour? With no expenses? “Could we make it a year? That sounds great!”

I followed her inside and boy it looked awesome. It was the first time in my life I had an occasion to use the word opulence. I followed her down a naturally lit hallway, the sunlight blinding me on more than one occasion until we reached her office. She removed a simple looking brass key from her robe, it looked kinda heavy but I don’t remember seeing its outline in her clothing. “Now, other than tending to your duties, the only rule of the house is that you are never allowed in this office unless accompanied by me. Is that clear?”“Yes, ma’am.” That’s a pretty easy rule to follow. She handed me a fairly wordy looking piece of paper and told him where to sign. I had finally dotted the last I and crossed the last T, “Alright, ma’am, I think I’m done.” She smiled in a very loving way. “Perfect, now we just need to get your appearance up to snuff, follow me,” she said. This was the most nerve-wracking part. Was she actually going to make me crossdress? She said no but the thought was still chipping away at me.

I was both happy and confused when she lead me instead of her closet to a side room in her office. It looked like a pantry filled with mason jars. It looked like they were filled with various spices, maybe she made her money with some artisanal spice company. But why bring me here? She looked like she carefully considered each jar, then she reached up and grabbed a small one and dumped the contents into her hand. She brought her hands together and rubbed the spice into her hands repeatedly. She brought her hands close to her mouth as she rubbed and it seemed like she was whispering into it. “Now, this is going to feel a little weird but don’t worry, it won’t hurt a bit.”

What? She lifted her palm to my face and blew the dusty spice in my face before I could ask what she meant. I coughed violently as the powder flew down my throat and into my eyes. “What the hell was that!?” I said trying to rub the powder from my face, oddly enough though, she was right in that it didn’t hurt at all. “Sorry, I thought you read the contract? This was all explicitly stated.” I was about to tell her that nothing in there said anything about getting sand blown in my face, but all that came out was slurred speech. My knees were getting weak too. I didn’t feel any pain at all. But it was like I could feel the little bits of powder burrowing into my body. My vision got really fuzzy but I could feel everything so much clearer. I could feel really big, powerful hands grab my shoulder and cradle me in even more powerful arms. I knew we were walking but I didn’t know where until I was placed on a bed. It felt like little tacks all over my body just scratching the surface of my skin. It was heavenly.

My whole body felt like the head of my dick when I masturbated. I tried to reach down for my cock but my whole body felt like jelly. Then after what felt like an eternity, it started to die down. I could finally feel how heavy I was breathing and it was like a had weights on my chest. My back was arched somewhat awkwardly too, but overall I just felt a bit out of sorts. My vision was still cloudy, like my contact lenses had fallen out. Without them, I could barely see a foot in front of my face, but I could make out the shapes of two people on the opposite side of the room. One was Ms. Haderly, but the other one took a little thinking before I could recognize Samson’s broad shoulders. “Finally awake I see, well good. You woke up a lot faster than some of the others.”“Woke up? Did you drug me or something? This isn’t some kinda kinky snuff thing you have right? Please tell me it’s not.”“Don’t be silly, you just had to be altered to fit the appearance requirement, and you turned out pretty great too If I do say so myself.” What was she talking about, turned out great? Oh shit, this was totally like the human centipede. In a moment of cinema-induced paranoia, I reached a hand behind me and, for a brief moment, fully expected to feel the face of some other poor guy who got caught in her trap. I did end up grabbing a lot more flesh than I usually did, but it wasn’t someone else’s face.

It was my own ass, but it felt gigantic. My bottom was, at its apex, a boney little thing that only by the most generous definitions could be called an ass. This thing I had my hand digging into though, this was a real ass. It was curved, meaty, springy and pretty responsive to touch. I could feel the blood rushing all sorts of places as I fondled my way to understanding. Unconsciously my thighs rubbed together, and when they did I noticed a distinct lack of testicular pressure when I did that though. I wasn’t alone in the room but I really had to be sure. With my free hand I reach to my crotch I closed my eyes and uttered one last prayer and tried to grab my dick. Instead, my palm slaps into a flat, slick, cleft.

I’m not some super macho guy, so being emasculated wasn’t exactly earth-shattering to me but who wouldn’t start freaking out after losing something so important? Other than my ass and my chest my body felt so light and wispy. I felt a rising nervous energy in my toes and I started bouncing on my heels. Ms. Haderly moved to my side quickly. “Now I know this is a shock, I would be pretty flustered too. But let me just explain what’s going on, okay? Samson, why don’t you leave us to some girl time?” He didn’t say anything as he turned around and left. I still teetered on the edge of a meltdown, but if she did this to me she was the only one who could undo it. So I just listened.

“You have probably guessed already but I’m something like a witch. And you may not believe me but this was all spelled out in that contract, and I wasn’t kidding about the pay scale. Every hour you live here you’ll make one-hundred and fifty dollars, now a young guy like you probably needs cash like that. And this is only for a year. Now do the math, 24 hours a day at one-fifty an hour, you’ll be a millionaire by then.” That stopped me in my tracks. That was so much money it was crazy. “Why do I have to be a girl though?” “That’s just the way the magic works. Aside from the looks, which are much improved by the way, it also comes with the knowledge of how to execute your duties. That and, well let’s just say the job comes with some really great benefits,” she said. Her nails glided along my thigh, and her hand reached and grabbed what I assumed to be one of my breasts. I hope that’s what it was because I still couldn’t see well, and they felt amazing to be held. She moved in closer and kissed me. Her much larger chest pressed into mine and her tongue darted around my mouth. When she separated I didn’t need my glasses to make out the sultry face she was giving me as she licked her lips. “So, what do you think?”

She led me to my room a half an hour later, it was towards the front of the house on its left side. The room was directly beside Samson’s it seemed. When I stepped in, from what little I could make out, it was huge. It looked bigger than my crappy studio by three times. She guided me over to a bed and for a second I thought we were going to resume what she started upstairs, but instead, she told me to get dressed and start going through the list of chores. I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised by the uniform she wanted me to wear. It looked like a sexy french maid’s costume, but the thing I was excited about was the glasses on top of the pile of silky clothes. I wasted no time or thought in putting them on, and oddly enough they were my exact prescription. The room instantly became clear and I took in its full rustic splendor. A room like this in the city would cost no less than six thousand a month, and it was mine for just the cost of my cock and balls.

I was nervous as I crept into the hallway in my new uniform, but not nearly as much as I expected or was accustomed to. This was the most flesh I had ever had exposed while still being dressed. My legs were encased in the thinnest white fabric stockings I could have imagined. The air passed right through and stroked my legs as if they were naked. My heels actually confused me in his easy I took to walking in them. They were over five inches tall, and at first glance, I had no idea how I could walk in them without undergoing training. But as my feet slipped into them it felt just like riding a bicycle, and not once did I even buckle in the slightest. The bra and panties went on in much the same way, but the feel of the silk underwear still caused a blush across my body. They were tight and the panties clung to my new sex, creating a slight camel toe. The bra seemed like it was intended to make my, really rather impressive, chest pop and call attention to itself. There I stood, dressed only in my new underwear and heels, like a lot of porn I had watched, with a chest that begged to be touched. I really wanted to, like really really. But Ms. Haderly had given me a list of chores to get to, and if she could do this to me to help my work go easier, then I really didn’t want to picture what she could do when she was mad.

My incredibly short skirt bounced as I walked the halls and cleaned the rooms, with a feather duster no less. The house was kept mostly immaculate and only required light upkeep. Still, the house was large and the sun was setting by the time I had finished. I had been required to make Ms. Haderly both lunch and dinner, now I hadn’t made much more than Kraft mac n’ cheese for the last few years, but as I entered the kitchen I flitted about like a master chef. Before I knew it I had made her a hearty seafood salad for lunch, and that evening I made her a two-course meal, a simple Caprese salad and a roast beef for the main course. She even praised the meal, saying it was simply delicious. I had no idea magic could make someone so effective at something so complicated.

Not only the cooking was different, but I seemed to have an intimate knowledge of the layout of the house, and my own timetable, and well…I seemed to just do everything in the sexiest possible way. I don’t think I ever bent my knees once the whole day, always at the waist and displaying my round ass to whoever was lucky enough to be behind me. My walk was punctuated with a side to side thrust of my hips with every step. Whenever I was in Ms. Haderly’s presence I always had my hands clasped in front of my stomach, which squeezed my breasts together making them look even larger. Honestly, I didn’t mind as much as I would’ve as a guy. I wasn’t good looking, not hardly, but now I was hot. Like really hot, and I kinda loved flaunting it. The sun was finally gone and as I returned to my sizable room, I ran into the groundskeeper Samson as he returned to his.

I had never actually been introduced to him. A few times I saw him through the windows as I cleaned them, he mostly didn’t wear a shirt all day. That was concerning me. Normally I would be jealous of his intense physical fitness, he was as big as Schwarzenegger and as toned as Bruce Lee. I was jealous that I didn’t have his body, just not in the way I normally would be. He still didn’t have a shirt on and his body glistened with sweat and his tanned chest and face were planted with small, light patches of dirt and dust. “Oh, nice to see you awake. I’m Samson. So I guess you’re staying then?” he says. His rock solid arm reaches up and rubs the back of his neck. His body is so toned I can see each individual muscle move when he shifts his weight. “Y..yeah, it’s really good money, ya know?” My thighs rubbed together absentmindedly, feeling much hotter than I thought they should. “Yeah, that’s what drew me here a few years ago. What was your name again?” he said.“It’s Jack, but you can call me Jaclyn if you think it sounds better,” I said, blushing harder than I had for a long time. “That’s a pretty name, suits you much better now. It’ll take some getting used to though believe me,” he said.“Wait, did she…?” I said.“Yup, two years ago. My name was Samantha, if you can believe it,” he said. I very easily could. I moved my hands behind my back and took a few steps forward, hips rolling with each step. “So, did she change everything on you too?”

Not five minutes later I was thrown on my bed as he used his powerful muscles to strip me bare. I undid his denim jeans with my teeth and his hard cock slapped against my face, the heat of his solid manhood made my glasses fog up. We were just about to get into it when we heard a that clear near the door. It was Ms. Haderly, dressed in the same robe from this morning. I was horny as hell but nervous, terrified I had broken some unknown rule. “You naughty, little servants should know better. You need to wait for your mistress before getting started.” She stepped forward and her robe slid off revealing her still tight and erotic naked body. She joined me on the bed and began to lick and tease Samson’s cock. Her hand was pawing at my supple ass. It was then that I had made up my mind, this was the best job ever.

The end. Hope Y’all like it!

#gender-bender #male to female #MTF #maid tf #request

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