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tarosin · 3 years

Text

The great adventures of y/n, Tommy, Jack and Tubbo

Requested:yes/no

Pairing: Platonic jack/tommy/tubbo/reader

Summary: another day another adventure

Content warning: cursing / I didn't proof read

An: reader has bright unnatural hair I wrote a lot, I can't figure out how to add read more on mobile I'm sorry

The music you were currently listening to was interrupted by the discord group notifying you that you have a new message.

Tommy: Y/N HOW BUSY ARE YOU TUBBO HAS COME TO VISIT AND JACK IS HERE

y/n: I mean I've currently got hair dye on but it’s being washed off and dried in around 20 minutes, why?

y/n: WAIT TUBBO?!?!

tubbo: oh yeah I forgot to tell you

y/n: how did you forget you know what nevermind, I’m glad you’re here :]

jack: we should be here in an hour so you have plenty of time to get ready

tubbo: what colour dye y/n

y/n: you’ll see soon enough as apparently, you’re all showing up at my house

Tommy: I suggest you wear comfortable shoes

y/n: I am terrified

Tommy: you have nothing to fear... for now

•••

luckily it had only taken you just over 40 minutes to get ready giving you roughly 20 minutes to prepare for the adventure ahead. or so you thought, as soon as you sat down ready to check your phone the sound of Tommy and tubbo laughing could be heard from your room, jack sent a message “hey we got here extremely early I’m sorry there’s no rush the others have been distracted by dreams music :)”

grabbing a backpack from next to your bed you had quickly chucked your phone and purse into the bag unsure as to what you’re going to need today.

•••

as soon as you opened the door you were met with an ecstatic tubbo who instantly pulled you into a hug unable to contain their excitement of seeing their friend

“I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN AGES YOUVE CHANGED SO MUCH LOOK AT YOUR HAIR”

“I look exactly the same”

“Now I’m no genius y/n but last time we spoke you didn’t have unnatural hair”

you paused for a moment as tubbo had a point the last time you and tubbo were on face time your hair was classed as a natural colour however today as a fuck you to your school which didn’t allow unnatural hair you decided to dye it your favourite colour.

“you raise a fair point now if you don’t mind releasing me from your grasp I have to lock the door so no one gets in”

•••

“Tommy unlock the door let tubbo and y/n in”

“Y/N YOU'RE HERE- HOLY SHIT YOUR HAIR! JACK ARE YOU SEEING THIS”

“Hello to you too Tommy”

“well if we weren’t going to get noticed at the shopping centre earlier y/ns bright fucking hair will definitely cause people to notice us”

“oh I’m sorry I didn’t expect to be going shopping with a bunch of Minecraft streamers today”

“don’t you stream Minecraft?”

“This isn’t about me jack”

the trip to the shops was surprisingly relaxing y/n sat at the front listening to jack sing along to songs playing on the radio, however, it was clear the boys had something they weren’t telling y/n which became evident through Tommy and tubbo bickering in the back of the car about who was going to tell them. it was a relatively short journey due to the fact you lived close to the city centre

•••

“let’s go shopping boys” Tommy practically yelled to everyone, tubbo held his phone in your direction then looked towards you, nodding at him you grabbed his phone and began recording

“I'm vlogging”

Tommy walked over “YEAHHHHH”

walking past cex you had to put up with Tommy making sex jokes until you made it to game, you stood holding back your laugh as you filmed Tommy and tubbo fighting about who’s paying whilst jack went off to buy a Minecraft squishy and mug despite everyone’s arguments against it. soon enough fans came over asking for photos with you all once the group of fans left jack took over recording for tubbo whilst you went off to quickly buy some games that you could play on stream.

•••

“want a wig bro? jack!”

the four of you walked into the shop, you couldn’t help but stand in awe looking at all the bright colours already questioning what colour to dye your hair next the sound of Tommy and jack being amazed pulled you out of your thoughts

“Gogy goggles, I’m actually buying them”

“i wan’t a pair”

“no, you’re getting a wig jack”

“I don’t want a wig I want George”

“y/n has bright hair and they’re not complaining”

“what do you have against people with colourful hair jack hmm?”

•••

“I'm not happy”

“you look lovely jack”

“we’re getting so many looks”

tubbo stopped everyone to ‘fix’ jacks wig which resulted in everyone laughing once you had finally stopped laughing you noticed tubbo had walked off and you were convinced jack had randomly decided to record strangers until you saw tubbo going up and down escalators

“oh there he goes again”

“pov you’re thinking about bees”

“where to next boys?”

Tommy pointed towards the lift

“Is this a lift for us”

Tommy noticed the safety sign and automatically made comments about it

“keeping us all safe is what I would say if I wasn’t carrying a knife”

“oh same Tommy”

“look you can see me”

taking that as an invitation to join the vlog you stood behind tubbo and pointed at the sign again and looked at Tommy and jack

“keeping us all safe is what I would say if we weren’t about to do this-“

the three of you went to jump up and down

“NO”

the four of you quietly left the lift however you were convinced that the public heard Tommy comment on having a knife and you threatening to jump as once the lift opened everyone was staring at you but it could also be due to the fact you had brightly coloured hair and somehow convinced jack to keep the wig on, you all spent a long time trying to convince Tommy to get a new outfit, eventually you went into another shop a certain keyboard caught your eye

“I’ve found my home, ill stay here at the gamer bunker”

you decided now was the perfect time to sneak off to buy the keyboard that had caught your eye, once tubbo noticed it was too late you stood holding the bag with your purchase leaving you stood in the middle of the shop defending your purchase to him claiming that it was a business expense and not just because you thought it looked cool.

“you told me you wanted to save your money”

“it lights up tubbo and it fits the vibe of my room”

Tommy placed his arm on your head treating you as an armrest as you were shorter than him and he knew it annoyed you

“they have a point tubbo it lights up”

once the recording ended you made your way back to the car

“say y/n you wouldn’t mind if me Tommy and jack stayed the night as tomorrow we were thinking-“

“sure thing”

“YESSSSSS”

•••

the next day you were woken up at 9 am by Tommy stood at the foot of your bed

“hi y/n”

“WHAT THE FUCK- oh hi Tommy Jesus christ do you know how horrifying that was to wake up to”

“Sorry bout that but if I didn’t wake you up now you’d only wake up in the afternoon and we need to go soon I’ll leave you to get ready”

you noticed a note was next to a jumper on the floor ‘hi, thanks for letting us stay the night I really liked your hoodie so I decided to wear it today here’s mine in exchange- Tubbo :D’

normally you’d be concerned that someone stole your hoodie as you live with your parents however today was an exception once you were all ready you set off jack pulled into a McDonald's drive-through so you could all get breakfast

“nice hoodie y/n”

“Thanks, someone took mine and decided to make a trade”

“you’re welcome”

the journey was quiet again you sat next to tubbo in the back Tommy sat at the front screaming at jack and trying to distract him and people around you decided to took a picture with tubbo who now had his arm wrapped around you as it was rather cold in the car and posted it to Twitter ‘@ ranboosaysstuff wish you were here :D’ less than a minute later you received 2 notifications ‘ranboosaysstuff replied to your tweet: same’ ‘ ranboosaysstuff has tweeted: *the spongebob gif*’

•••

soon enough you all arrived at mint golf to say you we’re excited would be an understatement

“can I get the shortest club you have”

you stood hiding your face in the jumper tubbo left you whilst you laughed a few minutes later you received a call from ranboo the others said they’d sort everything for you whilst you answered

“what’s up tall one”

“stay safe okay”

“ranboo it’s mini-golf I’m not fighting criminals”

“yes but I know how clumsy you are”

“first of all rude second of all fuck you third of all jealousy isn’t a good look on you” you managed to say through laughter

“jokes aside please come to the UK boo”

“oh sure I’ll go book a plane ticket now” *ranboo ended the call*

ranboo made jokes like that before however this time sounded a lot more serious and you had no idea why he called you so you made a mental note to call him again later. once with friends again you were met with Tommy telling the worker all about you all

“yeah we’re big on the influencing”

“What on earth did I walk in on”

“no time to explain let’s go golf”

you were handed a club and a ball and were dragged away by jack

•••

tubbo joked about getting a hole on one as soon as it was his go, you bet £10 with jack he wouldn't

“hand over the money y/n”

you looked at Tommy who was now recording you handing jack the money “so today we have learnt to not underestimate your friends and that gambling is bad. you lose your money to a tall bald guy”

to put it politely you and Tommy found out that mini golf is not your calling in life

“ill stick to streaming“

“you’re both losing by the way”

“yeah well- why and how does tubbo have soup”

tubbo stood cradling the soup as though it was a child

“Some things I can’t explain to you”

you stood tilting your head to the side questioning where the hell he got soup from

“eh”

“soups like a small child I take care of it as if it was my own”

you couldn’t contain your laughter at this point the confused faces of your friends alongside tubbos happiness of soup sent you over the edge so you decided to just sit down before you fall as your knees were already weak from laughing too much

“where did you get the soup from”

“I manifested it”

•••

after a few solid minutes of arguing over soup you and Tommy dropping the phone you all continued with bowling.

“tubbo get out of the way of my dream ball”

you stood recording jack cheering him on tubbo had different plans and kicked the ball away resulting in jack giving up and copying what you had been doing most of the rounds, after missing the hole 3 times each go, picking up the ball and placing it in the hole however again he missed

“you can’t be serious”

“golf isn’t for everyone big man”

Tommy took the phone from you to record “pov you’re me golfing”

•••

“how do we get across there”

“probably the bridge”

Tommy pulled to rope moving the bridge across the gap

“Why thank you, Tommy, wouldn’t have been able to do it without you”

you laughed

“you're extremely welcome y/n it was extremely easy because I’m a big muscly man”

golf was finally going well till you hit the ball a bit too hard causing it to go over the fence tubbo was able to get the ball back

“I’ve been watching a lot of doctor shows” you stood amazed at how far you made the ball go

“see the issue is its mini golf. if this was regular golf I'd have got a hole in one I'm telling you”

•••

“I'm never being in your vlog again”

jack looked at you and tubbo who was now laughing at you pretending to worship the can of soup in the hole

“Tommy please come back”

the rest of the game was chaos, you kept missing the hole then claiming to rage quit golf tubbo and Tommy kept making jokes jack left his drink somewhere then had to go back and find it, no one had been paying attention to you which allowed you to take the score sheet and make it so you had won the game eventually he game was over you had declared yourself the champion of golf despite the fact everyone was better than you including Tommy

•••

the journey back was chaos you called ranboo who claimed he only called you to plan a video/stream with you however it was clear that wasn’t the reason tubbo whispered to you so no one could hear

“I think he wants to be here with us I think he’s jealous”

you laughed and nodded

“of course”

eventually, you all made it back to yours, ranboo said goodbye to everyone then ended the call now it was time for you to say your goodbyes. since your love language was physical touch you hugged everyone. As you walked into your house Tommy yelled “Y/N HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT PLANES”

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iamtheempress · 3 years

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Lets Talk

She nursed a nice bruise on her face in the bathroom, one that bloomed from her cheek to the top of her brow, extending a green fingertip to her cheek to heal it slowly, hopefully bringing back some natural skin tone to her cheek again.

A normal practice for treating her wounds all her life, all while keeping herself awake and conscious with an energy drink that was half empty and the ever present feeling of anticipation. The source of anticipation lingering on that phone beside her, a burner phone she bought at the beginning of the day.

Chiaki's eyes flickered to her burner phone right next to her, waiting for a reply from a face shed only met during a fight earlier that morning with her father.

Heroes against Villains, that old fight that will seemingly never ever cease, she cant remember why the incident happened but she just knew that she and her father were first responders along with a handful of other heroes.

She inspects the faded mark on her face and closes the door to the bathroom, quietly as to not wake her mother who had tried to quell her worried eldest daughter, Aoi had retired to bed about an hour ago… the media had picked up on the travesty of a fight that happened earlier that day. Causing a nasty uproar from civilians and the media alike.

It was everywhere, newspapers, radio stations, the internet and she can hear the newscaster announce it clearly. "Pro Hero Witch is in the Literal Hot Seat today, is she someone we need to keep an eye on? Her power was in full effect keeping a fifteen-story building from crushing her and her battered teammate, FullCharge. Who had beaten the negligent heroin enough to make her heal him, after she did this the building she was supporting fell upon her and 5 other civilian lives, after letting the villain come to know as Dabi escape-'' she turned off the tv sick and tired of hearing of how useless she’s been, the ensuing argument she had with her family left scars on her psyche she wouldn't bat an eyelash at, she couldn't care about her reputation when she let people die on her watch.

Useless. Lazy. A joke.

She let those 5 civilians die so callously, she didn't know them and yet she doesn't feel as bad, atleast not right now. Casualties are a norm for heros, right?

The icing on the cake was to hear the media call her that word negatively again.

Witch…

A name she used to take her power back from a horrible nickname in her childhood. Now once again weighing on her like chains to the floor.

She walked to bed holding the phone and lamenting, falling to her bed with a resounding flop.. It's her fault.. she let Dabi go, and everyone saw it.

She let everyone down and even had her phone blown up by her friends. She turned her attention to the group chat and took a peek from behind the iron curtain of guilt. Bakugou's name was the first to catch her eye.

Bakugou: Chili. Hey dumbass answer us! We have been trying to call you all day and you leave us on read. Answer us goddammit! We don't want to confront you ourselves and see what your deal is but we will if you don't answer us for the rest of the night.

Midoriya: We will give you another 30 and we're coming over, we promise we're not going to gang up on you, Chili…That wouldn't be right.

Chiaki: How can i trust that, you all saw my situation, no one did a damn thing to help me, i get im also the healer but that includes people defending me in order to heal at a distance or else I HAVE THE TARGET on me. I cant face any of you.

Bakugou, Izuku, Shouto and more are typing…

She wept rubbing her eyes with her sleeve and making her tear up. Out of everyone… she assumed someone would understand but they all seemed to give her the same look, it made her heart stop. Once again she's the bad guy in a situation she lost control over. With guilt in her heart, she recalled the last moments before he got away.

Dabi got her father off of her. No hesitation, blasted him clean off of her with enough force it could have singed her head to toe, but he didn’t. She went to get up and saw her father immolated in blue flames as she turned to see the same man she was sent to apprehend was standing fixed about 10 feet from her, his eyes trained solid on her. She looks up at the buildinh started to grown from the integrity being lost from the fight, it began to collapse down on them until she suspended it above the both of them, mere feet from his head; they stared at one another like deer in headlights. A sinister smirk spread across his features before disappearing from her view, in the kick up of dirt and rubble,

Chiaki couldn’t bring herself to apprehend him.

Why..? Did he see the desperation in her eyes or the fact that she barely had a leg to stand on when her own father took her down a size, when he saw insubordination over saving herself and not her father who was completely fine? Or was there another ulterior motive to keeping her alive?

Upon trying to close her eyes, and hopefully forget about this whole day.

The burner phone buzzed to life.

The screen could have been the brightest thing in the room, a beacon in the night beckoning her. Distant thunder rumbled to indicate the dire decision she's made, as well as a storm that was approaching.

Her heart stopped, she lifted the phone slightly and slid her thumb over the screen. To see the text message from an unavailable number.

“How is that eye feeling, Witch?”

The text read, her fingers flew across the keyboard.

“It’s been better, I fixed it up. Is this really Dabi?” upon sending the message the text came up as read. Is she really thinking of doing this… he messaged her back quickly. “Maybe I am, I have seen the news today and that shot of you and I standing before the building collapsed on us was cinematic so I have to give you props for that. I’m guessing the reason you wanted to speak to me was not make pleasantries and talk about our days.”

“You want to join the League.”

There it is. The question that lain heavily upon her mind. Shed never considered it as much as she has recently. The ridicule of her graduating class, her power seen as something not all heroes should use for good. She proved time and time again how she is not something to worry about.. But here she was.. Being abused and taken advantage of by the people she cared for.

“Yes. I do.” She sent it with no hesitation and sat up in her bed looking down upon the phone, he made quick work of messaging her back, again.

“We havent recruited anyone worth our time in a while. From what I saw recently as well as today. We were considering reaching out to you..but this works much better. Meet tonight?” Her golden eyes widened and her mouth popped open out of sheer shock. “Around what time? Ill be there” She stands up, with a loud crack of lightning the rain poured outside, she cursed and saw a location pop up on her phone.

An old and run down apartment complex outside of city limits. “Now. Get going. Text me when you're close.” Chiaki sprung out of bed without a second thought. Redressing herself in simple attire, something to not be seen on the streets so easily especially at night. Black leggings, worn in combat boots her mother gave her, a large black hoodie and that burner phone.

While tying her hair up in a bun she saw her phone, the one with her best friends messaging her… and Midoriya’s name front and center..

Izuku: “Hey, cmon, Chili. We know you’re there.. We saw what happened and we want to know if your alright…We can see you reading our messages”

Izuku: What happened with your dad wasn't right but something doesn't add up from that fight, Chili.”

Bakugou: “It makes just as little sense to me too dumbass! Why did he spare you and go for FullCharge.”

Bakugou: “You better not have done something youll regret dumbass we cant lose you!”

Kiri: “I already have Shouto were on our way to talk to you, Spooky, were not mad..”

Her heart stopped in her throat as she started typing to them. She could see them all stop typing in unison.

“Theres nothing to talk about. You all have made up your mind about me..i can see it. I sound like im just a problem to all of you. Consider me gone.” Chiaki tossed her old phone to the bed and scrawled a note.

“I loved you all.. I'm sorry I'm not who you wanted me to be.”

With one message her phone began to blow up. Without looking back, she was gone. Hopping from her window to the road below with a splash into a puddle and starting her jog, leaving the only home she's known her whole damn life, as well as leaving her hero life behind her.

About a solid 30 minutes later she noticed she saw the buildings become more and more dilapidated marked with graffiti as sirens shrieked down streets and seedy characters crept behind alleyways, the city limits were within a mile away, and so was the old apartment building.

Impatient and eager to meet him face to face, she messaged him.. "About a block or two away." she pulled her hood up as she exited a mini markets awning that was closed, rain started to shower down upon her, her light hair hidden beneath the oversized hood, the old marquis sign coming into sight.

The phone vibrated in her pocket, Chiaki pulled it out and the words shone bright across her face. “You better not be some spy.. I won’t be too happy. So in your best interest, i'd be 100% transparent with me.” She texts back quickly. “I am an open book and got little to hide.”

The text was read and the old marquis was above her, “No turning back now… the guys will be looking for me in no time.” She said to herself and entered the lobby of the closed apartment building, through the heavy wooden doors. It looked like it used to be grand but now it was so in disrepair that the wallpaper was torn back from walls and holes were created from years of neglect.

Chiaki pulled her hood back and looked around, listening to the silence of the apartment, she took a breath and emanated a glow from her hands, her fingers and thumb lit up like bright green glow sticks.

From behind a darkened figure glided his scarred palm across the tattered wall approaching her slowly, he speaks up, cutting the silence and startling her. "Ah..There you are, you certainly didn't waste your time, Witch" she gasped and whipped around to see him, Dabi. She let out a nervous laugh and took a step forward, if she were not in this situation she wouldn't hesitate to take him down but this instance she felt on equal ground to him so she felt no threat.

"I don’t dodge opportunities, especially ones like this, I would have contacted someone sooner but I wanted a reason to do this.. And you seemed like someone I wanted to contact first hand." Dabi approaches her until he is within mere feet of Chiaki, his feet shuffling with each stride, he's easily taller than her by more than a couple inches, being 5”2’ is sometimes a hindrance.

He blows air out of his nose with a laugh. “You were in luck then.. I had my eye on you for a while and finding intel for you was far more complicated than we expected. Chiaki Nakamura is it?” one hand stuffed into his pants pocket and the other out to gesture towards her, his scarred hand fanned out, talking with his hands was natural for him to do it seems. His cyan blue eyes raking down her front and back to her eyes. Unblinking and just as dark and spellbinding as before, all the while being intensely overwhelming in every aspect physical. Chiaki’s heart bounced in her chest to her throat.

His head lulls to the side.

"Thats my name..” The young pro speaks softly, Dabi noticed the apprehension in her voice,"Oh are you nervous little Witch..?" he didn't need her scurrying off or anything so he took to sauntering slowly around her, sizing her up like a hungry shark. She didn’t speak but caught his eyes through his black hair that curtained his eyes. “Just a bit but if i were any more scared i wouldn’t be here..” He looked upon her glowing green hands, it made her mildly conscious of the fact that they were shaking.

“Then my reputation precedes me even to fresh faces like you.” He says with a hoarse chuckle, he backs up with his arms spread open, she catches a glimpse of his long scarred arms, they flopped back down to his sides, She laughs gently in turn, her eyes fixed on his face, being this close she could see the gold sheen to the staples on his mouth and under his eyes.

“If that nervous behavior is because you’re scared and having second thoughts about this.. And want to go back to playing around as a hero, i won't hesitate to fry you where you stand, but i'm hoping you're using that common sense of yours so i don't have to.” She listens intently, unwavering and dimming her hands back down, as to not allow her quirk to radiate outside the building.. Dabi’s mouth doesn’t even move beyond a normal straight line but his eyes say everything: He doesn’t see her as a stranger.. Despite this being their first time meeting amicably.

“rest assured i won’t hurt you, from what I have seen already we need someone with a quirk like yours around, but when it comes to me bringing you back to the bar.. They won’t allow you in unless I check you for a wire, lift your arms.” He instructs and she lifts her arms just enough for him.

His hands starting to traverse her arms and waist make her face swell with heat, a much more embarrassing position to be in… He was thorough and rough with the patdown, his face remained the same unchanging and stoic, her eyes trained on his face and the rough scars that covered the bottom portion of his face to the part directly under his tear ducts. Besides that he doesn't look bad.. The scars only add that intense look to him, the reason why people were scared of his looks.

“I wanted to know something..” She caught his attention with a low hum, his brow raising and his lips curling upward. “What was the deal with you getting my father off of me..why didnt you attack me.” His hands finished patting down her body and he tuts her pulling the burner phone from her pocket.

“You see.. That moment was televised and the moments leading up were not, and if they were, they didn't televise your abuse period or the reason behind it. It was pretty tragic, I heard your father's harsh words.. even more brutal pounding id say, he blocked all of your defences, your little friends didn't come for your rescue, they stood around." She stood stock still listening to him,

"Our Pro Hero lil Witch being ‘saved’ by me when i had enough of seeing someone who is more useful then her partners let on, being beaten to a pulp, and then when things seemed to be working in your favor and the fabled heroes would have gotten me, you in turn...stopped an entire highrise building from squishing me to death.” He leans forward and drops his voice an octave, dipping into a form of seductive and joking.

“Kinda humiliating isn’t it? Being saved by a well known villain isn't really what the public wants to see.." he shrugs and steps back looks down at his palm, his long fingers moving around trying to catch her attention like he could light a flame at any moment, with the other hand in his pocket. "I saw someone who needed help in more ways than one.” Her eyes widened as he stuffed the phone into his pocket “I saw someone who I had my eye on for a while being beaten for not doing something as useful as aiding her teammate… and for her own safety right?” He questions as he leans back against the wall adjacent to her.

“Yeah.. that's right.. How do you know all that? I mean like, not alot of people know that about my quirk, i cant heal at a distance and provide backup unless i have backup...” He snaps his fingers and points at her. “Exactly my point. Your dear old dad didn't take his much more volatile daughter into account and only used you as a support to him, fueling his ego and making you look bad to the rest of the world.” his demeanor was so foreign to her, he spoke so eloquently and with conviction, a sadistic and perverse form of understanding that drew her in like a super magnet.

She stood blanched, thunderstruck by how he's describing the situation to her, It's like he's in her head reading every emotion as plain on her face. “Yes. He never took me seriously… as a hero.. No one really ever did.” Dabi's eyes softened as their eyes remained locked in a stare of...mutual understanding on his part… she knew little of his past or who he was, but the weight of not being good enough or a lost cause caused his fists to clench.. he not dare ask anything personal yet.. he has a job to do and earn her trust and read her and her situation like a book. Foreshadowing the type of person she was made to be over years of unfair treatment and situations outside of their control.

“Getting closer.. Go on, Witch.” She swallowed air and kept spilling her guts.. “I use my quirk to even help anyone or… do something for the good of others and its never highlighted in the slightest, no job well done or whatever. No sort of fanfare or recognition, i come home and.. get judged and told I'm not as good as… as him, from him.” SHe clasps her hands together and opens them up again, Dabi’s eyes watching the little light show from her fingertips and then fade away again. The more his eyes looked to her hands the more he wanted to see the beautiful little auras again, it was then Dabi realized her quirk is easy to be triggered, or atleast constantly active. “But when… i do one thing thats out of character for a… normal pro hero… all eyes are on you..and I was treated like a...pariah”

Dabi nods his head and his smooth voice lulled her ears “Understand now? They only want you when you're useful to them, you're treated as backup, but in the right hands you could be so much more..” Her head hung low, like she just discovered it, that despite her power and the fact shes equally as dangerous maybe even more so she's treated as lesser than everyone else.

Dabi mentally kicked himself, making such a pretty face sulk and look dour, he couldn't just stand there and allow her to beat herself up over how others treat her. Dabi took a step forward to her and found himself raising his hand to her chin and made her look right up at him, her chin betwixt the pads of his forefinger and thumb. “Come on now… don't be so down on yourself, they might see you as only an asset and a tool to use and expand upon themselves, as nothing more then a battery that never quits, but with us, you can reach a version of yourself you have never seen before.. And we can help you with that. We will make sure you surpass your expectations'' She caught herself staring.

Eyes glazed over in tears that threatened to fall, and with a blink they were gone. “Excuse my ignorance but… you're serious like you can do that?” She asked with trepidation and abit of excitement that she had to cage off to not seem too eager.

“It's not a promise, Nakamura. Its a fact that is going to be a reality. Now..” He turned on his heel and gave them some distance in the lobby, he was almost shrouded in darkness. “Give me a demonstration on what you can do.” He instructs.

Chiaki blinks and becomes blanched. A demonstration. In here? She clasps her hands together and pulls them apart that green glow emanating from her hands to her elbows, pretty gold and green eyes enveloped in pure green with irises, her hands splayed out fingers slowly dancing and expanding outward, like licks of fire.

“Brace yourself.” She curled in her fingers to drain the energy from surrounding lights and power, making the environment for everyone else but her heavy and sluggish. Dabi had a bead of sweat roll down his face and a headache grow slowly. “And just as it was pulled away I can give it back on my own terms.” She points a manicured finger at Dabi. The headache vanishes without a trace and his energy restored , almost knocking him on his ass from the dizzying feeling of having the wind knocked into you.

The lights and the power entirely shut down for a full block and the bulbs bust outside. She holds a ball of concentrated energy in her palm and absorbs it into her skin, a content smile spreading across her delicate features and bowing forward and standing back up straight.

“Oh yeah, they're going to thank me for insisting you be our new recruit... Warn me before you use your quirk on me again, will you?” She snorts and cocks a brow up at him. “So.. do it again later and knock you on your ass?” Chiaki giggled, Dabi quizzically tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, as if he's breaking down her words in his head, he flipped his black hair from his face as chuckles amused.

“I knew I liked you for a reason, sarcastic little thing. ” she blushes and covers her mouth embarrassed. “I think it would be smart if we left.. I don't know if my friends are out looking for me or not..and honestly i would rather not face them head on yet.. And i don't want you to be hurt.” Chiaki looks back at him and blushes not realizing how worried she was for his safety, "What already thinking of me? Don't get so soft on me now, Nakamura.." Dabi chuckles and his hands return to his pockets and with a half turn he nods his head in the opposite direction of her, signalling her to follow him towards the exit of the building, he stops before the door.

"Wait..you mean those UA kids..? trust me, Nakamura.. they arent your friends.. i don't need to know what you went through today after our little scene, you know as well as i that they're already plotting against you from what you did.." his words rang true along with his velveteen voice, the tall and slender Villain seemed to know more than he let on.

Chiaki became quiet and more confident with her decision. She made this choice, and she really didn't regret a damn thing. "And that very thing you have done today, Chiaki.." he slammed his hand into the wall, anchored his hand beside her head, making her damn near jump out of her skin. Lightning cracked outside illuminating the scars that adorned his features.

The trench coat splaying open and just a bit of his shirt collar dipping down to reveal the purple scar stretches to his chest, gold tint staples fixed secure into what skin he had left to him that remained unscarred.

Her eyes wandered from his chest back to his brilliant blue eyes. "Made me realize that you were worth contacting. Trust me, Nakamura.. we will bring out the best in you, UA would have easily tainted your view on the world and how ‘justice’ is delivered; but it seems like you know the world for what it really is." he gave her cheek a pat and a pinch, his gaze remained on her and a sickly grin twisted on his features when he notices her eyes wandering to the purple skin and his pronounced collar dipping further down his chest.. His hand engulfed her chin, capturing it and making her look him in the eyes.

"Yknow, staring at people in the League will getcha in trouble or hurt, Not me though.. just don't get too used to it, anyone who stares that long at me i consider mice…but honestly i don't see you scurrying off anytime soon." He backs off when she blushes brighter and gives him a shove.

"Ah quit! Its kinda hard to not stare if you haven't noticed, Dabi." He pulled his phone out of his pocket and started texting someone facing the heavy door, when he received a reply he put it back into his pocket, and sighed opening the heavy metal door with a creak, rain poured down into the street as he spoke up so she could hear him. "its what we ugly folk are used to i'm afraid." Chiaki merely scoffs and pulls back up the hood and opened her palm flat and above his and her head together she created a translucent green umbrella like barrier protecting them from the downpour, "Ugly is abit of a stretch, Dabi..." she mutters and follows him into the alley where the rain continued ro shower down bouncing off the barrier, a singular street lamp illuminating the barren street leaving the only city she had ever known, Dabi replayed that phrase in his head and he momentarily closed his eyes.

Its been years since he got compliments.. it was strange but not unwelcome. "Ohhhh little mouse, your gonna get along very well with me.. stick by my side and everyone will like you… eventually.. Your about to meet one of them anyway." As he said this casually as the street became a black and purple haze, a portal opened up and swirled as a literal exit from the city.. to wherever the hell she was going next.

Chiaki gasped and took an apprehensive step forward.

"Scared?" Dabi asked, with a little smirk on his lips. "Just a bit…" Dabi extended his hand for her, inviting her with him "Cmon. Trust me. Trust a burnt man with nothing to lose." He chides playfully. Chiaki accepts his invitation, his hand warm and textured with the staples.. Dabis heart skipped a beat at the contact.

Soft and small hands engulfed by his own as he guided her through the portal, stunning blue eyes never deviating from her gold and green ones.. like they were captivated by one another.. before she knew it, she was in a completely different location. She blinked and looked around, thunderstruck almost by the environment.

A bar that reeked of booze and smoke of different varieties. "Welcome home, for now." He says in a flat tone, she pulled off her hood and looked around.

Dabi still had his back to her and looked at his palm for a moment that felt like an eternity, the ghost of her hand remaining in his own, strange emotions bubbled up from nowhere, he shoved them back down and spoke up.

"Everyone seems to be out by now, usually the bar is never empty. The person who summoned that portal is here...Kurogiri, which means our leader Shigaraki is here. He’ll meet you at some point..when he's not on his damn video games." he nudged her shoulder with his elbow and shook his wet hair out. Turning to look down at her, "Nice place...you guys bounce from place to place often?" She asks in what felt like a shy whisper, the resounding echo from the hall made her feel like she was shouting.

"Haven't in a while.. hoping we won't have too again. Wont say where because it doesn't matter. Anyway, wanna come up to my room? There's an old couch up there you can crash on. Unless you want my bed, heh.. Wouldn't mind you in bed with me.” He breathily chuckles and pinches her chin starting to lead the way, “Don't get any ideas! I'm just tired.. I haven't had any sleep and its like.. Almost 2:30 in the morning.” She yawned and dragged her feet behind him.

Chiaki follows him up the stairs and down the long corridor to the last door on the left, he opened it to find a bedroom with a king sized mattress pushed to the wall and the windows covered in blackout curtains, an old couch directly under it and a flat screen across the room as well as his own computer and cans of empty energy drinks by it, as well as an ashtray that looked like it was used normally.

“This room is mine, go ‘head.” He invites her in, noting the tired look on her face, he found it almost innocent if it weren't for the remnants of blush still ghosted on the apples of her cheeks.

Dabi had booted the door closed behind him as she kicked off her boots, he spoke up again, watching her movements, as they seemed to have gotten lazier. “Not much of an interior decorator but it works for me, sprucing the room up would be too much effort.”

Making himself comfortable he sheds the trench coat and shuffles through a cabinet in the desk where his computer is located,”I'm getting pretty tired and by the looks of it you are too, so im afraid im gonna have to restrain you. Cmere.” He says, pulling out a pair of handcuffs that catches Chiaki’s attention, her brow instantly rising in confusion and a hint of worry. Dabis eyes flicker up to her when she whips around at the chain jingling as he approaches her, twirling the cuffs around his finger

“W-wait why do you need to restrain me?” She asks a little wary, “Its so you dont pull anything while I'm sleeping… can't be too careful, little mouse.” He states clasping the cuffs around her wrists in the front, they clicked almost to the point where he could get two fingers under them. Chiaki looked at him with big innocent eyes and then down to the cuffs on her wrists. “Tsk..you do this to all the new recruits or am i just that special.” He chuckles and turns his back to her. “You’re a first, to both be cuffed and able to sleep in my bed. Consider yourself ‘special’”

She looks back up to find Dabi stripping his white shirt off and tossing it to the couch, a blush forming on her face and a pang in her heart as she looks at him closely, hes much better looking up close… fit and lean, along with the added look of his scars that dressed his torso into his pants only made him 2 times more appealing and more her type. “Holy shit..” She says out loud with her jaw slacked abit. “Checking me out, little mouse? Remember what I said about staring.” He chuckled and laid back in bed exhausted, pulling the sheets up her body comfortably. “Sorry was just admiring the view, Dabi.” She teased rolling her eyes and settling into bed, Dabi’s eyes widened briefly and felt that sweet warm feeling creeping up his chest again, this time he let it simmer there.

“im going to sleep.. Too tired to think, that energy drink i had acouple hours ago finally wore off." Chiaki yawned and stretched, facing away from him to ease the situation, that situation being she wanted to face him and find comfort from him.

A sort of comfort she longed for for years, acceptance and safety.. Funny she found safety with a villain.. With villains alike. This caused her to giggle to herself, he raises a brow and looked over to her with his arms tucked behind his head

Instead as Dabi turned off the light and the distant thunder rolled she spoke up “Dabi..” “Hm?” She turned back over and some light from the opened part of the black out curtains illuminated her eyes, Dabi once again caught himself peering into them wistfully finding himself looking her over.

A genuine glow in her eye, appreciation and a connection the two have never felt before, “Thank you, for bringing me in.. you wont regret it,” She brings her bound hands up to pull the pillow further up under her head, and licked her lips, swallowing her fear and letting a wall down, even just alittle bit to him. Dabi mused and observed her closely, finally seeing the opposite end of what its like to have someone in need go to him of all people. “i haven't felt anything beyond disappointment for a long long time, so to say i feel comfortable with someone i was fighting not even a day ago says anything, i hope you understand and i'm not stepping over any boundaries.” He grinned, and responded with an amused chuckle. “Getting soft on me again, better not make that a habit with anyone else here, I just might get jealous.” Dabi grazed his finger against her cheek, she leaned against his hand and smiled angelically.

“I'm starting to like that fire in your eye. ” He ghosts his knuckles down her cheek as her eyes closed slowly, blinking exausted as the cold air kicked on from the ac unit above them, she shivered and threw all caution to the wind, Dabi stiffened as she moved closer to his end of the bed, she ducked her head abit beneath the blanket to snuggle against his warm chest, his heart hammered with nerves he still couldnt place a name too, the same hand that stroked her cheek rested on her shoulder, his thumb rubbing slow circles into the sweatshirts fabric.

Comforting and confusing thoughts swirled through the villains mind as he soon came to realize he remained awake for all but another 20 minutes, the soft rise and fall of her chest and side indicated she had long fallen asleep in his arms.

Dabi rested his chin against her head and attempted to find the sleep he had long since forgotten in his past life. Acceptance and comfort from someone.

He sighed and whispered in a husky tone of voice.

“Glad we had that talk, Little Mouse…”

XXX~

Hey yall its my first MHA fic. You might see more of her and Dabi in the future cuz honestly this was fun!

#MHA Fanfic #Dabi x oc #Dabi #I am indulging #ItsEmpress

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x0401x · 4 years

Note

Hi there! Just want to thank you so much for translating for the VE fandom! I've been looking through your VE posts and noticed you mentioned how anime!Gil is completely different from LN!Gil. I agree with you and was wholeheartedly disappointed in the anime. I was hoping you could elaborate more on your thoughts, where you thought anime!Gil and anime!Violet went wrong and how they were different from the anime. Sorry if you've already made a post on this previously. Thanks again!

Hi! You’re welcome!

This reply took me long enough, lol. I haven’t gone too much into detail, or else I’d just end up writing a bible. It still turned out long as hell, though, so I’ve put it under a cut.

I really didn’t know how to begin with this. “Where they went wrong” kinda implies that those two were going right until some point, and that’s just… not the case. They were a trainwreck from start to finish. And it’s kind of impossible to really discuss this without touching upon the massive fails in the writing of the entire show. It does try to convey important messages to the viewers, but mostly with visuals and repetitive lines, never with the actual plot or the characters. You get an inkling of what the story was attempting to do with them, and that initial idea is what seems to stay with most people, because there’s nearly nothing beyond it.

As director Ishidate has stated more than once before, he made changes to the story because he thought the novel was, in his words, “too orthodox”. But watering it down meant watering the characters down too, Gil and Violet more than anyone else. And this results in a show that ironically fails to grasp its own themes and cast — the personalities and conflicts get lost in the details and have to be patched up with excuses that end up displaying how little the show trusts its own audience. It keeps spelling out plot devices and character traits in an almost robotic manner, with very scarce effort put into actually showcasing them in the situations and dialogues. Everyone is too one-dimensional and the main plot line is repeated over and over instead of being alluded in parallels or even just slightly more intelligent exchanges. Animators like Ishidate have grown dangerously used to committing a grave narrative suicide: to give vague and unconvincing reasons for things to be the way they are and expect the audience to take it all as is simply because it was stated there. Everything is oversimplified because they clearly want the viewers to get invested in the emotional baggage of the show, and only the emotional baggage, because they think that’s all we get invested on. They forget that details are necessary for the whole experience.

These problems are recurrent in Violet and Gil, and they never stop. I’ll start with Gil, since he was mentioned first.

Gilbert Bougainvillea is a very complex, humane and multi-faceted character in the novel. What’s interesting is that he doesn’t look like it at first, so he surprised many readers in volume 1 with how caring and endearing he can be. And I mean caring for real. Anime!Gil seemed like a poor excuse for what he was supposed to represent, which in turn made him into a walking contradiction. In the novel, Gil is by far the person that emphasizes the most with Violet, because the two of them are two sides of the same coin. This is where the anime falls short most frequently. They at first look like polar-opposites, but are absolutely not, yet the show portrays them as such. Novel!Gil is gratuitously kind and righteous, and he’s brave and pure-hearted enough to stand by his values no matter what. He’s used to giving up everything for the sake of other people, but he has morals that he holds to the roots of his very being, so he always chooses to donate himself to what he deems as good causes. And once he has his mind set on an objective, he doesn’t mind playing dirty to achieve it, as long as he’s not hurting anyone. That’s exactly the same as Violet, and Gil isn’t the only one who sees himself in her — Hodgins and Dietfried also notice how alike the two are. Novel!Gil relates to Violet on a spiritual level, and he knows first-hand how she must feel. He’s been there and done that. And that’s why she’s his number one priority. His purpose in life is to protect her and keep her in a healthy lifestyle within a blessed working environment and a loving family. Quite literally, all he wants is to make sure that she’s happy, and he’s active and vocal about it. He’s also an unapologetic and unabashed feminist, so he completely approves of her doing anything for a living — she doesn’t need to live her life like an ordinary woman and whatever she wants for herself is fine, as long as it’s not too dangerous.

Apparently, his personality is one of the book aspects that Ishidate believed to be “too orthodox”. He depicts Gil the way you’d expect any male creator to depict a man — a brooding martyr figure who only has a heart of gold in fleeting moments that get replayed again and again in flashbacks to serve as justification for Violet’s undying love. He makes very little strides and there’s a lot of flawed reasoning behind his affection that makes it oddly disconnected, which is the fact that said affection is barely ever there. Gil hardly treats Violet like a person, let alone an equal. Violet is ready to give her life for him anytime, and as we see in the last battle at Intense, he’s ready to cling onto that to save his own life. Ishidate doesn’t shy away from making very evident that he thinks it’s okay for Gil to do only the minimum to earn Violet’s respect and trust, like it’s a given and all he’s required in order to earn her love is to exist. This is very visible in scenes like the one where they first met. Gil seems to shield Violet from the abuse of his brother, but shows next to no distress or even interest over it as he doesn’t even question where she came from or why Dietfried was treating her that way. There’s also the scene where he takes her to one of his family’s residences, and she has his jacket on, just like in the novel… yet he’s letting her walk barefoot in the snow without giving a single flying fuck. He then leaves her side as soon as he instructs the maid what to do with her, not looking back. I also hate that scene where he gets back home and she bumps into him and falls on her butt. He just stares at her and makes no effort to help her back up. But the one I hate the most is that festival scene where he nearly thanks Violet for fighting so well in battle. I mean, she’s killing people for him. She, a literal child, is in the frontlines of a long-lasting war, risking her life and committing mass murder for his sake. That’s literally nothing to be grateful for. Especially not when he’s supposed to love her. And I despise that he only stopped himself from finishing the phrase because he noticed the bruises on her.

Another major defect of the anime was changing Gil’s backstory. Anime!Gil was, by the looks of it, just a rich kid who enlisted simply because that’s the family tradition. And if you take away Gil’s backstory, you take away the viewers’ reason to empathize with him. Why? Because that means he’s morphed into someone who can make choices. Erase any factor that binds Gil to doing what his family and his superiors make him do, and what you have is a grown man with his free will intact. And he uses none of it to help Violet. Anime!Gil was always given the opportunity to say no. He could’ve said no to Dietfried and sent Violet straight to the Evergardens, he could’ve said no to his superior officer and not taken her into the military, or he could’ve at least said no to assigning her to the men’s troops. He didn’t because there would be no story otherwise. Novel!Gil is always attempting to save Violet from the war and from herself, while anime!Gil’s actions beg to differ. And so, anime!Violet’s obsession with Gil stems from the fact that he was the first to treat her remotely like a human being and that, for a long time, he was all she had. None of that fate thing, because it’s also “too orthodox”. But without the fate element and without Gil having no control whatsoever over how he feels about Violet, he’s straight-up a pedophile. If he feels regular romantic love for Violet, who is in her mid-teens, that’s pedophilia right there. This one is my biggest beef with anime!Gil, and I don’t take criticism for it.

Now Violet. Not to be rude, but I see so many people talk about how interesting her anime counterpart is, yet I rarely ever see anyone going in-depth on it. It’s like the way the fans talks about the show. Literally every single person who comments that they liked it always says the exact same thing: “I cried during every episode”. I sort of feel like most of them are just reproducing what they see other people say out there, which is probably what got them interested in watching it in the first place. I don’t mean this with ill-intent; it’s just seriously the impression I get from looking at the tag. I’ve accompanied it since the novel came out all the way back in 2015, and when the show was running, believe it or not, I didn’t really see much of those comments. It started becoming a habit to say it after episode 10, which seems to be the highest-rating episode (the irony being that it was the closest the anime ever got to the novels). Hence why it feels to me like some people just say it on automatic, and I get the same vibe from the fans of anime!Violet.

I’ll just be blunt here: the main difference between anime!Violet and canon!Violet is that canon!Violet was made to be liked by girls and women, and anime!Violet was made to be liked by men. I have already said this before, but Violet is the very definition of independent professional woman in the novel. She’s educated, confident, strong, reliable, altruistic and overall well-versed in at least a little bit of everything. Half of it is due to luck and half of it is her own merits, but all in all, she was created not just to be relatable but also a character that people could look up to. Meanwhile, anime!Violet was clearly made to be waifubait.

I can’t really stress how little thought was actually put into her portrayal and development. We never truly see her internalizing the lessons that she supposedly learns in each of the self-contained episodes. We only ever witness her displaying sudden significant hints of emotion at convenient times, paired to her either repeating what she was told earlier by one of the characters or taking an extremely obvious conclusion to a question that was already half-answered by someone else. Because of this, Violet’s growth process has an unsteady pacing in the anime and mostly feels disjointed. In comparison, novel!Violet is usually not the point of view — she’s often in the role of observer, and we notice through the solutions she comes up with for her clients’ issues that she does have a very humane connection with them. We also notice through the clients’ opinions on Violet that she shows subtle changes at certain specific points, such as smiling just a little when she manages to not only accomplish her duties but also help solve their problems. This makes her more real and believable because, unlike the anime, it presents no abrupt alteration to the essence of her person. She’s growing in her own way, but it’s still easy to tell. It’s also very clever to have Violet be disliked or misunderstood by her clients at first because she’s so aloof and apathetic-looking, but then she grows on them after they actually understand her, and the readers can absorb that from them. I’ve seen many people complain that they can’t really empathize with anime!Violet, but in the novel, the author takes care not to let this happen, and it really doesn’t.

What upsets me the most is that anime!Violet is overly infantilized. We all know that director Ishidate loves her like a father loves a daughter; it’s been said by himself and his colleagues quite a lot. That’s cute and all, but it made her depiction extremely shallow. The biggest problem was making her 14 in the anime. I still struggle to understand what would’ve been so bad with keeping her as a 17-year-old. Sum that up with removing many of her merits and adding forceful childish traits, such as being okay with changing clothes anywhere in front of anyone or pouting when she’s frustrated, and you have the perfect recipe of what waifu junkies like to be spoon-fed with. In my opinion, anime!Violet was a downgraded tragic heroine played in a cheap and boring way to attract tearjerker lovers.

I hope this has covered enough of my take on the matter. ✌️

#violet evergarden #gilbert bougainvillea

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justmywriting1313 · 4 years

Text

I Passed (I think) And I Am Back!!! (For some time) (Fic schedule and just some FYI’s)

Heyyoooo loves!!! I hope you guys are having an amazing week besides quarantine and whatnot and are safe, happy and healthy!!!😊😊

Okay so I am posting this for a couple reasons... The first is to say I am SOOOOOO SORRYYYYY I haven’t been responding to asks, messages, and requests!!!!! If any of you take psychology or have studied it you guys know its very very very difficult. Despite enjoying it i am so close to having a mental breakdown every-time i see my book. Besides taking a stupid hard course i take 7 courses in total 😖😖... Yes I am well aware that I am very dumb for torturing myself like that haha but anyway I also have a side job of selling art (Paintings/ Portraits) so I can make some extra cash to support myself. You guys can imagine how busy that had made me!! But for the next two weeks I have no courses so I promise to reply on time (that includes the ones i am yet to reply to 😅😅) and post One fic every two three days!

The second thing I want to say is a HUGE GINORMOUS MASSIVE THANK YOU! 🥺🥺🥺 I expressed on the top of my last fic that some people had been mean to me about fic writing because I take so long (separate notes: if you put ‘You are Worth it’ together its 11 fricking thousand words...omg!!) However, the amount of people who sent in submissions and messages telling me how much they love my fics and that its okay for me to take time honestly made me tear up. I get stressed super easily so when i read them they literally made me so happy and excited to write more fics. On top of that i don’t often stand up to people cause i think why bother especially on the internet and so for the first time i did and SOO MANY OF YOU SUPPORTED MEEEEEE!!!! YYAYAYAY!!! I am so grateful and reply to each one of you but still wanted to say a collective thankyou!! 💖💖💖

Okay Third thing, So if any of you have read my bio you know I have ADHD. For those of you who dont know it roughly means organisation, attention and just focusing does not come naturally to me. Why i am telling you this is because it explains why I have a hard time texting back cause i usually put it in the back of my head and then forget about it. I cant promise ill fix it right away but ill promise to do my best that I can!!!!!

Okay Last thing which is Fic related and so you guys might notice/care about more 😂😂😂 Okay soooo I had started this blog a long time back however I didnt think I was any good at the time so I didn't continue posting stuff. Then I put the ‘You are Worth It’ fic for Lucifer and honestly the reaction I got to that was so heartwarming!!! (Ps if you ever ever ever feel that way I am right here... believe me when I say I know how it feels. I am a curvy Indian writer/ painter! You guys have no idea how much I have stood out and have felt the way the m/c in that fic did so I will always be open to listen without any judgement whatsoever if you ever feel the need to talk to someone!!!!) So I continued writing and put out the other parts to that fic as well as a Beel fic and despite that not doing as well I am still so happy to see you guys liked it. Earlier I was going to stop putting up anymore out but i’ve decided I will continue the blog and hopefully give you guys writing you love just as much 🥰🥰🥰 However I wont lie it gets a bit overwhelming so I thought best to put a few rules up (and also tell you all the fandoms i write for).

RULES:

Some of these Fics are very clearly 18+ so pretty please if you are below 18 don’t read them. I am trusting you guys enough (I have a feeling I will regret this) so if you are not 18 then don’t read them!!!!! I will make plenty of all-user-friendly ones so yeah!

Second I refuse to write anything even remotely Racist and sexist. Also if I am not comfortable with a certain kink/ type of fic I WILL NOT WRITE IT. I am happy to write whatever you request but if I am not comfortable with it I will let you know so please understand and respect my boundaries.

If the characters in the fandom are related I am sorry it’s not happening. If they are sharing an experience with M/C? Sure! For example Beel x M/C x Belphie? Perfect! However Beel x Belphie is NOT happening.

Lastly Do not Harass me about a certain request. If you have requested something be patient and if you still want to now the status of it just drop me a polite message and i’ll be more than happy to tell you. (this also helps me remember just incase i forget)

FIC SCHEDULE:

Okay now for the fic schedule of what to expect in the next month. I am not giving dates for all of them cause honestly i am scared of what you guys will do so this is just rough. Also for those who sent the ask ill tag you guys and for the anonymous ones... yeah idk hehehe 🥰 A- Angst/ F- Fluff / S- Smut. Also firstly crossed out fic titles mean i’ve already put them up and they are finished secondly once this list ends i’ll put out another fic schedule with the next fic’s that are in progress just being edited!

Also I’ll try to sprinkle in some HC’s in between so i keep giving some kind of writing!

Two can Play at that Game... (Mammon x M/C) Multiple parts and very smutty. 18+ (Hopefully in the coming week) A/F/S

I am Here... I’ll always be here (Diavolo x M/C) Multiple parts A/F

The Italian Way of Life (Beel x M/C) Don’t know how many parts F

Compliments (Beel x M/C) (This is the ‘You are Worth it!!’ but with Beel instead) Multiple parts A/F/S

Smile For me! (Demon bros x M/C) Multiple parts A/F

Stay (Lucifer x M/C) Two different endings A/F/S

My Own Slice of Heaven (Diavolo x M/C) Multiple Parts F/S

Thats it for now but ill probably add more later after replying to everyones submissions and messages to see the new requests. For now lets see if i can even do all of these.

OTHER FANDOMS I WRITE FOR:

MARVEL

BATBOYS (technically dc i guess)

STAR TREK

PEAKY BLINDERS

LOTR AND THE HOBBIT

Okay honestly I have so many i cant even remember so as and when i remember ill add 😂😂

Okieeeee I think thats a wrap sorry thats so long but anyway please drop in more requests and asks and don’t forget to reblog!!!! Love you guysssss and byeee

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toshisae · 5 years

Text

call me baby

summary: in which chenle gives you the entire world in exchange for some love

genre: crack, fluff and another pinch of angst

theme: ceo!chenle (sugardaddy au but without the sexy shit its just he buys you things in exchange for you loving him ok? ok)

word count: 2.8k

author’s note: HIIIII ITS BEEN A LONG ASS TIME SINCE I WROTE SOMETHING SO HERES THIS also theres no sexy time unless the sexy time u want is going on an endless shopping spree then this fic is for u!! its just another crack idea i had lol and this is just to get rid of writers block or smth despite having this in my drafts for the longest time

–

you know how people say not to chat with random strangers from the internet?

because it’s terrifying and shit??

well you never listened

here you are on a friday night on your phone

looking for some 40 year olds to troll

on this sugar daddy app you randomly found one day

not like you needed money or whatever

you lived with your brother jaemin who’s a doctor

so i guess you could say u’re: $$$$

and it’s just that you have nothing to do

what’t the worst that could happen right?

ding!

your phone vibrates in your hand

it looks like you’ve matched with your designated sugar daddy

“congratulations! you’ve matched with 6chittaphon9”

you looked at his profile and saw that he’s a 23 year old dancer

not up for it, you swiped left

“give me the good shit bro” - you tell the phone

you clicked the globe icon on the bottom of the screen

it switched you to a radar where it scans for possible sugardaddies who use the app

a little later your phone dings again

“congratulations! you’ve matched with zhong$”

and when you clicked on his profile,,

you let out a big big gasp

he’s a 18 year old ..

looking for.. sugar babies??

if you were drinking something then you would’ve spat out that liquid real quick

you swiped to the right and sent this dude a message

“hi”

ok so chenle right

chenle is the youngest billionaire in the world

bye kylie jenner oof

after his father’s passing, his company, zhongs inc. was in his hands

his father’s last wish was to have chenle get married at a young age

but chenle obviously didn’t like that idea

he wanted to experience a normal teenage life where he parties, drinks, date some random girls or whatever a pesky teenager does

so he found himself downloading a sugarbaby app

also just for the lolz like c’mon this is chenle the king of clownery

the c in chenle means clownery wbk

he had the money, the looks, almost anything you need for a man

so he quickly made his account

and not a minute later he already matched with someone named ‘<y/n3’

he sees that this y/n person already sent him a message

so obviously he replies

“hello”

you: asl?

chenle: 17 / m / seoul; u?

you: same except im a female

chenle: well ain’t that obvious

on the outside you bursted out laughing

you: ok capt. crunch so would you like telling me your name or is it confidential

chenle: i mean, i guess its kinda confidential but the company wont know anyway but im zhong chenle

you: ????? are u important or sumn

chenle couldn’t believe his eyes

chenle: um.. im ZHONG chenle

you: whats so special with your name

chenle was actually quite glad you dont know about his name or his background

chenle: nothing so wyd

it didn’t take awhile for you two to get along

since you two had the same type of humor and age

you: why are you on this app tho if you are “young and rich”

chenle: i could ask you the same question

you: its friday my dude and im bored

chenle: well,,,,,,,,,,, idk my friend recommended it to me

you: you’re friends with a bunch of old people?

chenle: nO I MEAN YES?? I MEAN NO

you: ... are u fucking with me

chenle: no i’m not fucking with you, im talking to u :D

in the end chenle asks you if it was okay that he’ll send you some money for fun

chenle: yk this app is about sugardaddies looking for sugarbabies right so lets make the most of it and give me your paypal or venmo and ill send you some cash for talking to me <3

you: wtf chenle no its fine!!! i had lots of fun talking to you and this app is just a whole ass joke but im glad i met a new friend here but its okay dont send me some money !!!!!

chenle: nooo think of it like i’m treating you out for some dinner so please allow me

you: still ! i wont let you,, till i get to see you so i know youre not some 40 year old i still think you are

chenle: how many times do i have to tell you im really 18 years old ffs but sure, when are you free?

on the inside youre just like: ASJDHJHDUIADHASJKDAHAHD WHAT THE FUCK

you: uhh i have school so i’m always busy hehehe

chenle: then i’ll see you in your school, what school do you go to?

this kid doesnt know when to give up

you: hhhhhhh i guess then i’m free tomorrow

chenle: GREAT! I’LL SEE YOU ON HONGDAE here’s my number boo

and there you have it

your first unofficial meet up with zhong chenle himself

you were too much in thought about meeting him you didnt even notice jaemin standing there with pizza in his hands

“what are you staring at sis?” - jaems

“uh nothing” you snatched the pizza from his hands

fast forward to tomorrow

you were getting nervous to meet chenle

“hey where are you going?” jaemin takes a peek of you in your room

can he stop scaring you like that

“going out” - u

“going where?” - jaems

“hongdae”

“cuteee do you have a date today?” he wiggles his eyebrows at you

“no-”

“are you going out with that pizza delivery boy?!” jaemin suddenly gushes

“jeno?” you ask him

“yeah that one” - jaemin

“no, i’m just gonna go shopping” you brush him off

jaemin shrugs and gives you some pocket money to spend

“be safe and have fun” he closes the door of your room

after safely arriving in hongdae, you sat somewhere thats not that crowded

who knows if this chenle person is famous right

so there you were waiting for him to text you or something

and just like that, your phone rings

it was an unknown number

but you answer anyway

“hello this is chenle, may i ask if you are in gongcha right now?”

you looked around the people who’s passing by hoping to see someone fancy looking holding their phones

suddenly someone stops right in front of you

“found you”

with that, chenle hangs up and sits across the table from you

“hi, i’m chenle” he gives his hand out for you to shake

and man, you were shookt

he looks like an ordinary teenager

or a hypebeast for this occasion

“o-oh .. h-hello” you bow

chenle suddenly laughs at your reaction

his laugh is beautiful

“don’t be nervous baby, i mean no harm” he smiles

his smile that totally made your heart melt

“how could i not? you’re the youngest billionaire out here” you gushed

chenle shushes you after the billionaire part

“sorry about that, it’s just i don’t like it when people tell me that” he tells you casually

ok humble king

“have you ordered yet? if not let’s order right now, on me” he grabs his wallet from his pocket and heads inside gongcha

after taking your orders, you two sat outside again with your drinks

“so y/n.. tell me about yourself” chenle takes a sip of his drink

“well, like i told you last night, i’m a student in college and i live with my brother who’s a doctor and that’s about it.. what about you, mr. zhong” you giggled

“first of all, don’t call me mr. zhong. you can call me lele instead and i love music and i like to play the piano and sometimes i sing” he shares, showing off his pearly whites

and after some many more conversations with him, he finally asks you an important question

“ok last question” he laughs, “i know it’s kinda weird but i really like your company and i know we met through a sugar daddy/sugar baby app but would you like.. stay with me..?” he asks cautiously

you stared at him with wide eyes

“i’ll pay for everything you want.. just,, stay or keep me company..?”

you kept quiet, just in shock on what just happened

“it’s okay if you don’t want to, just forget that i asked” he laughs awkwardly

“no it’s okay, i’ll keep you company but please please don’t pay for everything. i can pay for myself” you tell him

“why not? i got money, i can spoil you with gifts” he looks at you confused

“if you can’t remember, i’ve got a brother who’s a doctor and i guess we’re loaded too you know” you roll your eyes at him

“pfft okay then so.. where were we”

and with that you guys carry on your conversation

months has passed and you’ve been with chenle through everything

every time something happened in his company, you were there comforting him or just keeping him sane through out everything

and within those months, you’ve seen different sides of him as well

like the serious side of him– when he’s in business meeting and you’re his plus one

aside from his secretary of course

the funny side of him– when he’s cracking jokes to literally everyone

sometimes he takes days off in the midst of his own company just to pull pranks on his secretary, renjun

and of course, his vulnerable side– when he feels he can’t do what his father left him, the family legacy

there were night where you had to stay over at his place just to make him calm down or just to make sure he’s sleeping or eating well

and tonight was those vulnerable nights of chenle

here you were in his room, on the floor holding his hand as he rants about how his day turned to shit

“it’s just so.. hard you know?” he opens up, “when everyone expects you to follow a certain life but i’m not all about that business shit life! i want to sing or fucking play the piano or do some teenager shit not this paper work life!” his voice cracks at the end of his sentence

“ah shit i’m crying in front of you again” he laughs, wiping the tears

you don’t say anything but held his hand tighter

“thanks y/n.. you’re the best” he smiles down at you

“anything for you, chenle. that’s why i’m here for you right? to keep you company” you smile back

“can you.. come up here with me” chenle motions for you to sit beside him on the bed

you agree and climbed up

chenle sits up awkwardly, staring at you.

“woah this is the first time i had a girl on my bed” he giggles

“then i’m honoured” you laugh

suddenly your phone vibrates multiple times

you take a look and its your brother looking for you

“who is it?” chenle asks

“it’s my brother, he said i should go home” you slowly push yourself from his comfy bed

“no, it’s late. i’ll take you home first thing in the morning”

“i don’t want to be a burden to you lele” you say shyly

“you’re never a burden to me y/n” chenle smiles again

that night, you slept in his very arms for the first time

you wake up earlier that him and decided to prepare breakfast for him

you set the eggs and bacon on the table with orange juice

you smiled at your efforts, hoping he’d like it

chenle woke up in distraught since you were no where in sight

he was in his pajama pants and he rushed downstairs to check if you were still there

and thankfully, you were

you were on the dining table, waiting for him with breakfast ready

“good morning” he grins, face looking brighter than ever

you smile back at him, “good morning to you too, sleepyhead. help yourself with some breakfast”

chenle takes a seat and sips on the orange juice next to him, “did you make this?” he asks

you nod, “for you”

you could’ve swore you saw him blush for a moment there

and with that, you two ate in peace, just enjoying each other’s company

a few days later

you couldn’t make it to chenle’s office since you had classes and it was exam week

chenle was obviously very lonely that week

even his own secretary checked up on him cause he was awfully quiet ever since you came into his life

“so how are you and y/n huh” renjun casually asks chenle who was busy reading papers on the table

“we’re doing great” chenle replies nonchalantly

“are you two going steady now?”

that question made chenle halt to a stop on what he was doing

renjun notices that chenle turned quiet

“i never asked her to be official” chenle gasps, scaring renjun in the process

“wha-”

“renjun hyung can you get me the biggest bouquet bundle you can find” chenle rushes

renjun nods and grabs his ipad, looking for what chenle requested

“fuck.. what did y/n wanted again” chenle asks himself, trying to remember the bag or things you told him about

“call jisung and tell him we’re going to the mall” chenle tells renjun yet again, rushing to the elevator so he could go to the mall with his best buddy

“so what are we buying your special someone again?” jisung asks chenle who was busy pacing around the mall

“y/n said she wanted a bag but i cant remember what was it” chenle tells jisung who just looks as lost as he was

chenle ended up going to every luxury store they had in the mall

like louis vitton, gucci, prada, balenciaga, fendi

you name it he went there and bought one bag each

he even went to some make up stores thanks to jisung’s suggestion

surprisingly he had a girlfriend who was a makeup artist and puts make up on jisung’s face when they have nothing to do

and of course, chenle followed what his best friend suggested

now they were on their way back to your place cause you just texted chenle that you were almost done with your exam

chenle and jisung unload his car and went straight up to your apartment that you shared with your brother

and your brother answers the door

“uh chenle? what are you doing here?” jaemin answers the door

chenle stood there in shock once again, “jaemin hyung? you’re y/n’s brother?” he stares at jaemin confused.

jaemin nods slowly before realization hits him, “you’re the person y/n is seeing?!”

chenle nods uncertainly, slightly offended you never told jaemin about him but quickly shrugs it off.

“well surprise! now can you help us with this? i’m asking y/n to be my girlfriend when she arrives home”

jaemin immediately steps in and helps the two boys

after an hour or so, everything is now set into place

now they were just waiting for you to arrive

chenle stood there with his usual work attire which was a formal suit, holding a big ass bouquet and the paper bags right behind him

“jisung how do i look?!” chenle looks at jisung who was showing him two thumbs up

“dashing bro, she’ll say yes in no time”

and as if on cue, you walked in

and to say you were shocked to see chenle standing there

“lele! what are you doing here?” you covered your mouth in shock as you saw the never ending line of paper bags right behind him and the bouquet he was holding

“i’m here to ask you to be mine” he replies, staring at you once again

“does my brother know you’re here?” you look around your living room and you spot jaemin in the kitchen, watching the entire thing go down

“yeah. why didn’t you tell me he was your brother” chenle pouts, but shakes his head as he hands you the bouquet

chenle clears his throat once again, “na y/n.. would you be my first and last girlfriend?” he closes his eyes tight, waiting for your response

“i would be honoured” you take the bouquet off his hands and jumped into his arms

“about time you asked her” jisung comments in the background

“baby look, i got you some gifts!” chenle puts you down and shows you the abundant amount of things he got you

you smacked him in the chest, “what did i say about you giving me expensive gifts!”

“let me spoil you, please? you showed me how loving someone wholeheartedly is priceless, and i want to return the favor in my own way” chenle shows you his infamous puppy eyes.

“lele you’re making me cry!” you tear up, hidng your face in his neck

“also because i can’t remember the thing you told me you wanted a few days ago so i had to compromise” chenle giggles

you were happy

and he was happy

who knew an app could bring you two together and end up like this

the end!

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thelostandforgottenangel · 4 years

Text

Good Morning everyone! I'm back!

I am happy to say that it is over, any reported harassment's against me were investigated; I had to send so much crap in and was told to wait; I was not guaranteed anything but it is luckily over and I can move past that and enjoy my followers and dear Tumblr family once again

Thank you for the few who gave me the support; I did get the messages whoever you are, I really would like to put a face to them but will not post them publicly to keep everyone safe.

Now I want to take this time to apologize to everyone for whatever I did because for the two people I had contact with talked me out of a very permanent plan to officially leave here if I lost my page after many years of being able to confide in people who cared and built me up because this is my safe zone; my safe haven away from my reality which I do need my escape to forget for just a second.

Returning to Tumblr after a forced hiatus, I was just happy to be back and check on my loved ones; getting my new phone in and finally having access to the internet again had me so happy until I got a message I did not fully understand

Now I had just returned; I had no clue what was going on when this happened and, yes, it upset me deeply to be delighted to talk to somebody I considered a friend and instead while replying to ask how they were doing wanting to be sure they were okay ((Understanding the person had been having troubles before I vanished I was looking in on a friend)) before the chat showed they had blocked me right after

Like everyone on here except one person; there is no way to contact me if I go missing. If I am not here due to I either: 1.) not having internet thanks to the person in control of it or 2.) functioning with a broken phone meaning - I did not get updates unless it was somebody who knew who to contact

I had no other way of reaching out since the friend is no longer active here after leaving months ago.

I had no clue what was transpiring and, Lexi, who anyone who has followed me since the beginning, is my lovely Anonymous penpal who sends me writing ideas for stories and the only real reason I left anonymous asks active because she, like me, suffers from extreme anxiety was trying to boost positivity for me because she understood my situation and the place I am in

I understand now she contacted a lot of people looking for me because; my anon messaging was finally turned off weeks before I left right after I stood up to my bully – I am sorry for that I did not get to say goodbye to anyone because it happened without warning and to those who knew what was going on I knew you would understand, and I know I worried a few people, it was never my plan to be such an inconvenience

Now at some point in the last few days, I had a dear friend send me some things in a submission that I never saw and wish I never had, thankfully; I know now, and for the sake of their sanity and to keep from adding any more drama or toxic actions to our wonderful fandom, they will remain unnamed because I do not want them catching any hate

Nobody here deserves hate.

So I will not be posting the original nor will I release the creator's name; this was a problem between us it stays between us because I do not wish ill on you; I hope you are successful and are having no more issues, I know returning to my page and not seeing any anon hate in my box after ten days is very refreshing for a change

I have seen everything said about me in three possibly four separate posts since it was all sent to me as one with little separations in-between, and I’m okay with it; I guess I have to accept this is how you feel I have nothing else to say on the matter

What you are saying is fine; I’m not going to let it get me, that is your opinion, and as human's, we are all allowed to have an opinion

Now, I don't know if you will see this, but I don’t think you are crazy in any way; I think you are intelligent and you have a huge heart; in our IM's you told me about your disorder also about you mental problem and like I said there I still understand; it runs in my family and, thankfully it bypassed me; but I still have compassion for those battling mental illnesses since I do have a few myself

I didn’t know about the ask you got until you mentioned it before I returned, and since mentioned by my best friend that she got one too earlier in the day I already knew who you were talking about

I had just seen it when I got blocked, and I didn’t fully get to read it until this morning when I was finally able to log on, and yes, I privately told you who that anon was because I had told her what a sweet person you were encouraging her to friend you, I have no idea how I lied but it is okay too

I was not here for those hate messages nor was I involved in anything I get too much hate daily when I am here to even dream of sending it but, nobody will believe me except anyone who has ever interacted with me

In your post, you warned people about three of those five people (Again; the ones I know about will not be named)

I only tried to interact once with your Raph; the response was enough to discourage me from ever trying again; you were stressed I got that because of everything going on I can only imagine you felt like it was an attack, I did not want an RP I just needed somebody to talk to that night, and, for once I didn't go directly to private messages as I do with everyone, that was my fault so I deserved the blow up even if I did not know about that RP until you explained. I apologized, profusely because I felt bad for bringing up – it was to talk, something many know I am not good at, I didn’t know the subject would hurt you; we had never interacted but you had offered to interact with me at one time if I needed you and trying to heal I attempted to reach out on the only thing I had seen on your page a long time ago

I don't get to RP for me haven't for a long while now, but I try to make others happy

But I am sorry I made an effort to reach out; you didn't need that

So if you are in the TMNT fandom, please be cautious because I only seem cause problems for the people I care for

You blocked me, you have your reasons, and yes, I do respect them and, after this post, it is in the past; I hope you are doing and getting along well

And guys, I can’t and will not give the name of this person or do it privately because I don’t want them catching any hate, but please, by all means, if you ever find their blog follow them; they are so talented and deserve so much love from this fandom

Lastly, while I will be staying on Tumblr because I do not want to leave any of you, I will be making several changes to my several pages soon to make sure this never happens again and to all my followers; I love you guys, and for that, I will no longer be posting struggles on here anymore even though I only gave you guys a penny in a 10-gallon bucket because I needed comfort that was too much; my problems are my burden, not yours; and I can not say how sorry I am that I ever put that on any of you

Nobody needs to know what their friends are dealing with when we come here to be happy because it is too much to put on anyone not personally dealing with it, so you will only see the sadness in my stories and only see the struggle in my art

My ask box will be open; anon will alternate day to day but, any hate I hope not to see will be deleted immediately; if your face is on the lovely message; you will be blocked right there just like the last 12 people since quarantine started for me in February

Also, while I am still here *this is a scheduled post it is 4 a.m. my time will post, hopefully after I am asleep cause my sleep schedule is grossly off* I do not want ANY hate streaming from this post, I know my followers will not do that to anyone; this is just me getting it out of my system

We are breaking the chain of toxicity right here! We were not meant to be friends in this lifetime but maybe the next

Tumblr, at one point, was always a beautiful, safe place for many of us who needed a way out of our situations; and when I joined in 2014 as a supernatural blog I was run off, then I came back again in 2016 for TMNT and found my family some of us just wanted a place to be us; to not be judged for who we were, it needs to go back to that for all of its members soon.

We have already lost way too many wonderful creators from here let's not lose any more

And if you have noticed a difference in the last three months, mostly pertaining to my writing; I downloaded Grammarly and started taking classes with my old English teacher on ZOOM who, bless her heart, had to deal with my dumbass in school because I suck at punctuality.

I was very self-conscious about admitting that, but somebody reminded me there is no shame in learning something again and I have been working hard

#scheduled #mun will be on later #been up all night with sick kids

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horansqueen · 4 years

Text

AM Conversations : chapter 38

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- note for this chapter: a tiny smut scene, LOTS of discussions between them. btw he’s about to leave for his trip soon and then ill also skip a few weeks. was this chapter okay?

here are the ‘requests’ i added in this chapter!

Chapter 38 : His chapter

NIALL

I couldn't remember the last time I felt this happy with a steady girlfriend, or with a girl at all, so when she proposed to go ice skating, i couldn't say no. I was leaving soon and I wanted to spend as much time with her as i could, which resulted in basically being 24/7 together. I even followed her home when she needed more clothes or something and we also took our showers together. The only times we weren't together were pretty much only when we needed to use the bathroom but even then, sometimes, i would end up just doing nothing while waiting for her. I wanted to say I thought our commitment was too much and that our behavior was over the top but if I wanted to be honest, I didn't give a fuck about what it looked like. I wanted to be with her, so why should I stop myself?

"Can you even skate?" I asked, raising my eyebrows as she put her skates on.

She chuckled and I saw a cloud coming out of her mouth. It was cold, colder than we were used to for this time of the year, but she didn't seem to mind. She pulled on her beanie to hide her ears better and it made me smile a bit.

"Not really." she admitted with a shrug. "You know I suck at sports. But I thought it could be fun."

She got up and I did the same, searching for her hand to hold it in mine. We were both wearing gloves and I tried to squeeze her fingers as she pulled me closer to the rink. A bunch of people were already there and I was a bit annoyed to realize they were still playing Christmas songs even if we were in the middle of january. Did they want to kill us?

"Christmas songs never seem to end." I pointed out, groaning a bit and making her laugh.

"Oh come on, you love Christmas songs!"

"I'm overdosing." I just replied before slowly putting one foot on the ice.

Olivia was holding my hand a lot tighter and I realized she was trying to keep her balance. We ended up skating slowly together and the more time passed, the easiest it seemed to get. After a while, we were just skating slowly, still holding hands and enjoying the day. I noticed she kept glancing at our hands together and it sort of amused me.

"What?" I just asked, making her look up at me.

"Oh nothing." she replied with a shrug, her lips still curled.

"Does that bother you?"

I moved our hands up a bit to show her our intertwined fingers and she just shrugged again, shaking her head.

"No, no, I thought it would bother you though." she explained as I let our hands fall back between us. "You know, PDA and all."

"You know i'm not trying to hide you, right?"

Her smile turned into a soft one and she looked up in my eyes, glancing from time to time in front of herself to be sure not to trip. It made me want to kiss her.

"I know Niall, i've been around you long enough to know you just want to save this, to keep it private, and i'm okay with it, you know I am."

It was incredible how easily she understood me and I knew it was partially because we grew up together but I couldn't help but think it was also because our personalities just fitted so well together that we could just connect and understand each other. I was about to answer when she shrugged once again.

"As long as it's not because you're ashamed of me."

Her words hit me hard and I felt my heart jump in my chest from thinking she could believe that for one second.

"No way, no." I just let out, not really sure how to prove otherwise. "Look."

Without an other word, I brought her hand up, extending both our arms up in the air to show our intertwined fingers. She laughed but I could see her eyes sparkling and somehow, I loved it. She chuckled a bit and it's only when she almost tripped on her feet that I brought our hands down, trying to help her get her balance back.

"It's okay, Niall, you didn't have to do that, I trust you." she explained even if I could swear that my reaction reassured her. "Besides, you did sing for me in front of a public. That's hard to forget."

"Oh because you're trying to?" I joked, raising my eyebrows and pretending to be insulted. "That was unforgettable."

We had slowed down without realizing it and we finally stopped skating completely. She put herself in front of me, still holding my hand tight, and I sent her an amused smile as people kept moving around us.

"It really was the best moment of my life." she confessed so low that I barely heard. "Totally unforgettable."

I smiled more and bent down to kiss her but we both jumped when we heard someone say her name very close to us. She turned her head quickly before our lips could touch and her expression changed into a surprised one. I was a bit bothered that someone would disturb us but it quickly turned into annoyance when I realized who it was.

"Rian?"

I was not sure if she was happy or just surprised but when he hugged her, I suddenly felt out of place. I was pretty sure I was dating Holly when she started dating Rian and I remember being annoyed back then, too. He was too kind, too caring, too perfect.

"Oh my god, Rian, I haven't seen you since..."

He pulled away from her and laughed with a shrug.

"Yea I can't remember either, how have you been?"

They started chatting for a while and the fact that he ignored me didn't get unnoticed. I waited an other minute and finally coughed to get their attention before looking at him and sending him a fake smile. I was pretty sure he could read in my face that I wasn't super happy to see him but he didn't say anything.

"Horan, hey mate!"

He showed his hand and reluctantly, I slapped in it.

"Wherever Olivia is, Niall isn't too far." he added with a chuckle. "That's what everyone always said."

I held my breath at his words, a bit shocked that I hadn't heard that before even if apparently, all of our friends said it. It was even more surprising knowing that we were both taken yet our friends still took time to mention how close we were.

"I see it's still true!" he continued, realizing we weren't going to comment on it. "Still as close as you used to be?"

"Closer." I replied, searching for Liv's hand with mine and grabbing her fingers.

I saw his gaze fall on our hands and then he looked up with a cheeky smile. For some odd reason, I wanted him to lose that stupid smile.

"So it finally happened? I should have bet money on that." he joked, laughing a bit before my girlfriend joined it.

"Yea, it did." she just said before changing the subject. "What are you doing in London?"

"Oh, I moved here! It's been a few years actually."

He kept talking about what he had been up to in the past few years and I just turned to Olivia. She was staring at him, listening carefully to his words and laughing at his jokes, and my jealousy seemed to falter slightly. I tried remembering how i felt for her back then but all I could see in my mind was the first time i saw them kiss each other. I hadn't been jealous the way I was jealous now but it was still jealousy. Probably jealousy from seeing her happy with someone else than me, or jealousy because I knew she wouldn't be able to spend as much time with me as she used to. Either way, it was bad, and I had decided to focus on Holly instead.

"We should go."

I had no idea why I had said that but they both stopped everything and turned to me before Liv sent him a smile.

"He's right, it's getting late."

"Hey, give me your phone, i'll add my number and maybe we can hang out?"

Without thinking, I squeezed her fingers tighter as she handed him her phone with her free hand. It seemed to take forever until he gave it back and he got closer to kiss her cheek before shaking my hand again but it's only when he left that my grip on her fingers loosened a bit. I turned to look at her and I thought she would make a comment but she simply smiled at me and licked her lips.

"Let's go home, i'm dying for a cup of hot chocolate."

"Yea, good idea."

We left the rink and put our boots back before walking to my car in silence. I had the feeling I made things tensed between us but in the middle of the ride, she turned to look at me with an amused smile. I glanced at her and frowned but didn't have time to ask anything.

"Niall, I have no intention on seeing Rian again."

I shrugged, trying to show that I didn't mind, but it made her laugh.

"I noticed, you know." she started, making me frown more. "How you reacted around him. Even back then, when we were younger, you couldn't stand him."

"He was always sort of an arrogant prick." I mumbled with a groan, making her laugh even more. "I know he treated you well, and he really cared for you, and he was nice to you... but he was still an arrogant prick. And he still is."

This time, she laughed louder and it made me grimace but I couldn't help but enjoy her happiness and amusement.

"I give you that, he really is." she added before getting more serious. "And you clearly claimed your territory." she half-joked.

"I'm sorry, Liv." I apologized as I parked the car in my driveway.

I sighed as I stopped the car and we got out of it. We walked to the door and I unlocked it and after we put our skates and coats away, she followed me to the kitchen, sitting on the counter as she looked at me preparing us two cups of hot chocolate with marshmallows. She was swinging her legs and I noticed how her thick socks were rolled over her sweatpants. It made me smile more but I decided to focus on our drinks.

"You lost your virginity to this guy, didn't you?"

I asked but I already knew. Someone had told me about it and I had waited for her to share this information with me but she never had. I couldn't blame her, though, since I hadn't told her when and to whom I lost my virginity either. She wasn't answering and I finally looked up only to see her looking down at her hands as she was playing with her fingers nervously.

"Liv?"

"You were dating Holly and... Willie told me you had sex with her." she shrugged, still avoiding my eyes, and it made me sad. "I don't know, I guess I always had the dream that we'd do it together, so it sort of hurt me really bad."

"I'm so... so sorry, Olivia."

"No!" she let out, looking up at me and sending me a sad smile. "No, Niall, don't apologize, it's not your fault and you didn't owe me anything. I guess I just wanted to get rid of it too."

"Get rid of what?" I asked, bringing her her mug and standing in front of her as she took a sip.

"My virginity."

I stared at her for a few more seconds in silence as she drank more, making a grimace as she burned her tongue. I watched as she pushed a lock of her messy hair behind her ear and took a step closer, putting my untouched hot beverage on the counter. It caught her attention and she looked in my eyes again.

"The next day I saw Rian at a party and... yea, I invited him home." she admitted, shrugging a shoulder. "And we did it. And then we started dating."

I didn't know what to tell her and I just stared at her again, wishing I could take away all the pain I could see in her eyes. I regretted so many things yet I knew that apologizing wouldn't change anything and would probably just make her feel guilty so I just took an other step closer and put my hands on her thighs. My palms brushed on her pants and reached her waist as I tilted my chin up to look into her eyes.

"Do you wanna watch a movie before bed."

She sent me a fond smile and nodded slightly as her eyes moved from mine to my lips. I pulled her closer, her ass sliding on the counter and making her chuckle. She brought her free hand on my cheek, her palm very warm since she had held her mug for a while, and i smiled at her. She bent down slightly and our lips met as her fingers slipped down on my neck. Neither of us deepened the kiss. She just brushed her parted lips gently and very slowly against mine as we stared at each other.

"I'm a bit obsessed with you." she admitted in a low tone, the right corner of her mouth moving up. "I'd literally lock myself in your room with you and fuck for days."

I laughed against her mouth and nibbled gently on her bottom lip, making her smile more.

"Yea?"

"Oh yea."

I pulled away a bit and let my eyes fall on her lips as I felt her thumb rub softly on the skin of my neck. She wrapped her legs around my waist and pulled me even closer to her.

"Don't tempt me."

She started laughing and kissed me again before loosening her grip and letting me move back. She put her mug on the counter and got down before following me to the living room. We remained silent as I turned the tv on and the lights off and she brought a blanket on the couch. We ended up cuddling under it while a Christmas movie was playing. She was leaning against my chest, between my legs, and I let my fingertips brush gently on her arm, giving her goosebumps. I felt like we were exactly where we were supposed to be and nothing else seemed to matter.

She tilted her head up and I looked down, sending her an amused smile before she sent me a fond one. I moved closer and kissed her lips again. Slowly, she turned around and got on her knees, her mouth still attached to mine, as i let my arms rest on the back of the couch. She deepened the kiss and moved her knees on each sides on my thighs to straddle me. I gripped the couch hard with both hands when she pressed her inner thighs against my cock and groaned in her mouth. I couldn't stop thinking about her wet pussy rubbing against me and drenching her panties and I finally brought my hands to her face to cup her cheeks, pushing my back away to sit straight.

"You're such a little tease." I whispered with a smirk as my hands slid down on her sides to reach her waist.

I tried to slip my hand past the waistband of her sweatpants but she grabbed it and brought it back to her waist, allowing her lips to leave mine but still remaining very close.

"Don't move." she whispered as she started rubbing herself quickly over me.

I could feel my dick swell against her and I whimpered very low when her pussy ground against my tip. The friction was becoming too much and I started feeling an orgasm form in the pit of my stomach. It was unbelievable how quickly she could make me cum and I brought my hands to the bottom of her shirt, moving it up over her breasts. I reached in her back to take her bra off and grimaced in annoyance when I realized I was struggling. I was too horny and couldn't focus on anything else but how she moved over me. She chuckled and stopped moving to help me take her bra off and my eyes immediately fell on her breasts. I ran my hands up on her sides before grabbing both gently. She started moving again and I reached for one of her nipples with my mouth, running my tongue on it before moving to the other.

"Fuck, i'm so close." she whimpered, running her hand in my hair and pulling on it slightly. "Oh.. oh god."

My hands gripped her waist tighter, my fingers sinking on her skin, as I helped her move over me.

"Do it petal, cum for me, soak your panties just for me." i let out low in a husky voice.

Her grip tightened in my hair and she started shaking over me. I watched her for half a second but couldn't stop myself from reaching in her panties. Quickly, I rubbed her clit through her orgasm, making her eyebrows raise and her lips part. The sight was beautiful and the feeling even better. She came on my fingers and the whole thing was so sexy I almost got an orgasm too. She bent down to kiss me but I quickly put my fingers in her mouth and watched her suck on them, taking them completely in her mouth, as she grabbed my hand with both of hers.

"Dry humping has never been so hot." I admitted with a laugh as she took my fingers out of her mouth with a low 'pop'.

I let my fingers slide between her breasts, leaving a wet trace on my way as my eyes followed them down.

"You drive me fucking insane." I admitted before looking back up at her.

"Where do you want to cum?" she just asked, ignoring my comment, and without thinking, I moved my eyes on her breasts again.

My cock was painfully hard by then and when she got off of me, I groaned, wanting to just pull her back on top of me. She held her hand out and I took it before getting up too. She tilted her head and the smirk she sent me almost made me cum right then. Slowly, she got on her knees and unzipped my pants before quickly pulling them down and bringing my boxers with them. She took my cock with both her hands and started stroking it as I watched her but it didn't take me long to be close to my orgasm again.

"Fuck..." she let go of me and I started jerking myself off as she moved up on her knees, bringing her upper body closer to me. "I've been thinking about cumming all over your tits a lot recently."

She bit her bottom lip and cupped her breasts for me, tilting her head again and raising her eyebrows up.

"Please do it, i'm really craving your cum right now." she whispered. "I really want it all over me."

She looked so innocent and vulnerable that one of my legs started shaking as I came on her breasts. I groaned when I got down from my high, rubbing the tip of my cock in my cum to spread it on her more but focusing on her nipples. The feeling was amazing and I could swear I heard her whimper too. I was panting and my whole body was throbbing but I just closed my eyes, trying to get my heartbeats back to a normal pace.

"Come here." I said, bending down a bit to help her up before kissing her gently. "I'm really thinking about your proposition. Locking ourselves in here for weeks seems like the only solution."

She laughed against my mouth and i did the same, not really sure how long we spent just kissing each other. All I knew was that the movie was over when we pulled away and I took a step back.

"You need a shower." I pointed out, glancing down at her breasts and making her chuckle. "And so do i."

We cleaned quickly in very warm stream of water and ended up in bed again, the lights off and the room in complete silence. There were so many things rushing to my brain and even if I knew we had so many things to talk about, the only thing that came out of my mouth surprised me probably more than it surprised her.

"Did you love him?" I asked low, my hands behind my head.

I tensed at my own words and stopped moving but I could swear she could hear my heartbeats echo against my chest.

"Who, Rian?" she asked, turning her head my way. "No, not really. I mean, I liked him a lot, but it was nothing like love."

I just nodded but remained silent, feeling stupid for even asking. I didn't know why I had been so jealous earlier, when we saw him, and I would never stop her from seeing her friends, but I couldn't pretend I wasn't happy that she had no intention on calling him.

"What about you?" she asked in a soft voice, turning her whole body my way. "Which of your ex girlfriends did you love?"

My lips curled into a smile and I closed my eyes for a few seconds before doing what she did and turning my body her way to face her. I blinked a few times to see her better as my eyes got used to the darkness and I could read in her face that my answer was making her nervous. I brought my hand up and moved a lock of her hair behind her ear.

"I thought I loved a few of them.. very few of them." I pointed out, the right corner of my lips moving up as my eyes roamed on her. "But then I admitted to myself that I loved you and it made me realize that what I felt before, for the other girls... it wasn't love. Nothing felt half as good, intense and real as what I feel for you."

Her eyes seemed to flutter and she moved closer to press her lips against mine slowly and softly. I moved my arm around her waist and kissed her back very gently.

"Now that I think about it, I wish I would have lost my virginity with you." I confessed again in a whisper. "We were close, the closest I ever was with a friend, and I trusted you more than I trusted any of the girls I dated. We should have lost our virginity together, Olivia. I'm sorry I didn't realize that before."

She didn't answer but I knew she felt the same. It was too late, though, and it's impossible to go back in the past but at least, she knew I regretted it. If I had known back then what I know now, things would have been different. It was stupid to dwell on the past but it was important for me to tell her that I was sorry, even if I couldn't change it.

I kissed her again, my lips brushing against hers and feeling her warm breath on my skin. I had never felt like that with anybody and it was scary to think it was the first and last person i'd feel that way for but I knew it was true.

"I want to spend my life with you."

The way she had whispered made me shiver but her words made something jump in my chest. She was literally telling me she wanted me to be the last lover she'd ever have and the thought suddenly scared me. I could feel my heart thump hard and fast in my chest and I swallowed, unsure of what my answer should be. I didn't want to tell her that life isn't easy, that things and people change, and that we had no idea where we'd be in a year, even if it was exactly what I thought, because i didn't want to hurt her. Not again. I had hurt her enough before, she deserved to be happy now and today had been too perfect to end up on a bad note by stating ugly facts and inevitable truths. Plus, I loved her more than anything but I was still 22, and life was long and tough.

I pulled her closer to me and stared in her eyes for a few seconds, telling myself that there was no way I was ever going to lie to her, and just decided on telling her how I felt and what I was totally sure about.

"I love you, Olivia." I whispered back. "I want you to know that no matter what happens, I will always love you."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan story #my fanfic #amc

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better-be-reddie · 4 years

Text

Absconding, Aberrations, & Alligators

'It starts with Richie standing on a small stage in front of a decent crowd. It's been a good four months since his giant fuck up in Chicago- four months since the great Sewer Tour sequel- working title. He's finally working to get his career back on its feet, before he no longer has an agent or manager or all the other people that make his career somewhat functional. They're starting him off small, a test run to see if he's over whatever mental breakdown that caused him to bomb his last show and cancel the tour he'd been in the middle of. Spoiler Alert: he was just getting started.'

Richie takes an impromptu trip to Florida, somehow it all works out.

Hey! So I posted this fic to ao3 awhile ago but now that I have a blog I’m porting it here too. Rated T for language I guess No warnings, just 11,000 words feat. Richie’s gay crisis.

It starts with Richie standing on a small stage in front of a decent crowd. It's been a good four months since his giant fuck up in Chicago- four months since the great Sewer Tour sequel- working title . He's finally working to get his career back on its feet, before he no longer has an agent or manager or all the other people that make his career somewhat functional. They're starting him off small, a test run to see if he's over whatever mental breakdown that caused him to bomb his last show and cancel the tour he'd been in the middle of.

Spoiler Alert: he was just getting started.

Apparently Richie "Trashmouth" Tozier was never really off his bullshit. It's just, the nearly nonexistent filter he did manage to keep was corroding faster than he could keep track. And if he's being honest, it didn't actually start on that meager lounge stage in LA.It didn't even start three months ago when answering a knock at his front door forced him face to face with one Edward Kaspbrak, fresh from serving his now ex wife-mother monstrosity divorce papers.

"Just looking for a place to lie low for a bit." Eddie had shrugged in front of his small mountain of suitcases.

"What and they ran out of fucking housing in New York?" Richie had come back with.

"Fuck you, man! You said if I ever needed-"

"Yeah yeah," Richie made sure to cut off the would-be rant, "Get in here then." He'd said, throwing the door open and stepping aside, letting Eddie into his sorry excuse of living quarters.

He quipped and sassed his best in order to keep the fact that he was internally screaming hidden. Especially when he noticed all of Eddie's little facial ticks giving away just how abysmal he found Richie's standard of living. The thing was, when they had parted ways in Derry, Richie had been ready to let go, to push down his feelings and the impossible level of affection he'd held for his friend. Afterall he had lived twenty-something odd years of his life without Eddie, so he reasoned that he could keep on living without him.

That's what he had told himself anyway, over, and over, and over in the month it took Eddie to just show up unannounced. Richie didn't want to admit just how awful his pining had gotten those four weeks alone, but it had been bad. Somehow being reacquainted with the man had set off his aching heart almost more than he could care to control. But no, this shitstorm he was about to set off didn't start that day three months ago, nor any of the subsequent days after wherein Eddie settled in and became an integral part of Richie's daily routine. It didn't even start those four months ago when Richie walked into that damn Chinese restaurant and saw Eddie for the first time in decades, which had him falling dick-first into one hell of a sexuality crisis. Again. It didn't start when they were awkward, gangly thirteen year olds and Richie was stabbing his hands full of splinters in order to carve an embarrassing hommage to his dear first love on the rails of the Kissing Bridge. If Richie was being honest with himself, which he rarely ever was, he would admit that it all started a good thirty-four years or so ago when Richie was fresh into the first grade. Sometime after he'd mastered his ABC's but before he got his glasses that would magnify his eyes and really solidify his place as a loser; early enough that Richie would brag about being a master of mud-pies but back before anyone knew he was certifiably blind, except for Stan and Bill who worked as mediocre guide-dogs while everyone else just labeled him as a clumsy kid.

It was a cool fall day when Stan and Bill hadn't been around which left Richie particularly vulnerable to his "clumsiness", this time to the result of him tripping and scraping his hands up. Richie had huffed and tried to wipe the mud off his palms and onto his pants when a pair of sneakers entered his bleary vision.

"You should really clean off that dirt." The newcomer spoke.

"What?" Richie had asked dumbly.

The smaller boy sighed and readjusted the fanny pack strapped to his waist before replying, "If you don't wash the dirt out and patch up your cuts they'll get infected and you'll die."

Richie had been startled but also bemused. He got cuts and scrapes all the time, and was almost always covered in dirt from playing.

"I won't die!"

The boy shook his head, "my mommy told me that if you keep dirt in a cut it'll go bad. You don't want to have to go to the doctor and sit in the awful rooms just to make sure they don't need to cut anything off."

Richie laughed, "That sounds fake, why would they cut anything off?"

"If the cut goes bad they might have to!" The boy spoke, growing irritable, "Know what? Forget it, I might have something in my pack." The boy dug around in his overly stuffed fanny pack making Richie smile."Got it, now hold still and let me fix your gross hands." The boy said, followed with, "I'm Eddie, by the way."

Richie's smile grew at how the boys- how Eddie's voice turned shy as he introduced himself.

"I'm Richie."

It was that moment, decades ago on a school playground, that had started the chain of events that would build, and build, and build until Richie was so unbelievably in love that he would never really be able to move past it. It was the first domino in a series of ridiculous and probably ill advised life decisions that would leave him standing on a small stage in LA about to segue into his next joke featuring the infamous "girlfriend" character his writers just loved him to bitch about. It was a bit that he had rehashed over and over in his different routines, this new variation he had mastered last week before ever setting foot in the small lounge.

That was probably why his mind was elsewhere as he began, he was debating in the back of his head what Eddie would like for dinner later, whether he should pick up take out on his way home or it took him a moment to realize that the next words out of his mouth were not exactly what he'd practiced from his script,

"So, my boyfriend Eddie and I decided to try and -" Richie stumbled on the sentence, his brain kicking in a moment too late as a couple surprised noises came from the audience, and a few claps and hollers rang out.

Thirty- something odd years of pining and daydreams of the day he'd finally get to call Eddie his had finally broken through his shitty barrier and merged his fantasies with reality. Boom. Domino effect.

Richie began to realize not only had he just come out, unscripted onstage, but also that this show was being streamed online...live.

He also knew that he couldn't afford to fuck this up, or make it look like he'd fucked up again so he stumbled his way through through rest of the sentence and ad-libbed the joke with alarming grace considering he felt like he was about to throw up.

His manager was going to kill him.

He knew taking it back would have only ruined the show made it even more impossibly awkward, so he pushed on until the act was complete, rushing off the stage a little more quickly than he normally would, if only so he could hide behind the scenes and panic good and proper.

If Richie's manager didn't take him out in the next five minutes, Eddie surely would.

---

Richie had less than five minutes alone to panic in the dingy back hallway that lead to the club's emergency exit before his manager was marching up to him.

"You had one job!"

"I-I know!" Richie said, voice possibly a tad strained.

"Rich, what the hell."

"I know !"

"You're single handedly making me go grey! Okay calm down- we can- we can roll with this- see online opinion polls and then come up with a strategy. God we might have to renegotiate-"

But Richie wasn't listening to him anymore, he didn't have the brain capacity to listen or be grateful to the man who had, once again, watched as Richie doused himself in gasoline and lit a match. He should have felt bad for the guy, and maybe when his own panic died down he would, his manager was only trying to offer an extinguisher. He definitely felt like he was on fire- and not in the good way of speaking. Sweat dripped off his brow and his skin prickled as his stomach churned, twisting and writhing itself into knots. All he seemed to be aware of was the near constant vibration against his thigh that his phone was giving off, as it blew up with notifications.

Richie's hands shook as he reached for his device, the finger scanner refusing to work due to the alarming dampness of his hands. He unlocked the phone using his code instead and balked at the notifications. He could see Bev’s name pop up next a bold 10 to indicate how many messages she alone had sent so far, and the little numbers over his text app were steadily going up as the rest of the losers blasted him.

Great.

Good to know he had an audience.

His heart seized as the screen changed suddenly and Eddie's picture took over, blocking his home screen. It was a great picture, a wonderful candid Richie had taken of Eddie in one of his full blown road rage meltdowns. Richie had laughed heartily when he'd seen how the picture turned out; Eddie, on the other hand, had been less pleased and demanded he delete it. Naturally Richie made it the man's profile picture instead. The photo always managed to get a giggle or smile out of him as if he were some schoolgirl with a crush. He wasn't laughing now. His eyes darted between Eddie's comically angry face and the green answer call button. Richie felt frozen unable to respond as the tightness in his chest grew, he felt dizzy as the walls closed in around him. The vibration of the phone stopped and the screen flipped back to his home page. A new notification for another missed call appeared, followed seconds later by a notification for a new voicemail.

Richie gasped and began to move quickly towards the exit door shouting an excuse to his manager who called out in alarm behind him. He all but fell against the metal door and staggered out into the hot LA sun, the thick air and humidity nowhere near the relief he wanted against his already flushed skin.

His phone jumped to life once more, vibrating in his hands as Eddie's familiar picture flashed onto the screen once more. Richie gulped and swiped over the green answer button and brought the device up to his ear with shaking hands.

"Richie? Fucking finally- what the hell?"

Richie's eyes widened and he quickly hung up, nearly dropping the phone in order to do so. He didn't know whether to laugh or scream, an uncanny hysteria bubbled in his chest and everything just felt like too much. Eddie must hate him. There was no way he couldn't. His phone alerted him to text another text.

Eddie.

'You better have been disconnected.'

Richie's phone rang again. Richie swiped to ignore.

'Pick up. We need to talk.'

Panic seized him. There was literally no good reasoning behind the phrase ' We need to talk.' God, he even added a period at the end. His phone rang. The panic boiled, crested in a mind blanking peak.

Richie blinked owlishly at the broken remains of his phone. Shattered against the dirty pavement of the alley. Great.

"Hey...Rich?"

Richie definitely did not jump. He turned to see his manager behind him, peeking out from the door.

"You good bud?"

He was definitely not good.

"Yeah. Yeah, sorry."

"Okay, okay, you sure? Cause you sort of seem not good?"

Richie had a strong sense of deja vu all of the sudden. He shook his head. His mind was coming back online and he had no idea what he was supposed to do. He couldn't just stroll into his house like nothing was wrong, Eddie was waiting for him at home and Richie liked his dick attached to him thanks. He looked back to the shattered phone.

"Hey can I borrow your phone?" His manager side-eyed him dubiously, cautiously and then the broken phone on the ground.

"I guess- as long as it isn't going to end up like that."

Richie's first instinct had been to call Bill, he was closest afterall, and he was the man with a plan; but that would have been his most obvious move. Eddie would no doubt storm the place in the midst of a rage so deep Richie didn't even want to picture it. So Bill had been mentally crossed off his list. Stan, Richie loved , as much as he could platonically love someone, but that would be obvious too. Plus he and Patty had been on somewhat of a retreat. Something about doing something relaxing and therapeutic after nearly dying and Richie really didn't feel like intruding on that. Beverly would have his back. She would laugh in his fucking face, but she would also give him one of her hugs after and let him mope. The problem with Bev though, is that she came with Ben. Now Richie adored Ben, it was literally impossible not to, however all it would take was one angry look from Eddie and the man would crumble faster than a house of cards in a hurricane. He couldn't lie for shit, especially when emotions were high. And that really left Richie with one last alternative. Which is how he found himself stepping off a plane, with no more than his wallet and the clothes on his back, half way across the god damn country, in fucking Florida. Richie looked around the airport as if it had personally offended him, and honestly it sort of did simply for being located in such a subpar fucking state. He really didn't see what the hell Mike saw in the place. He really didn't get it. Speaking of Mike.

"Richie!"

Richie looked up and saw the man of the hour waving him over. Mike beamed at him and greeted him with arms wide open.

"It's good to see you man!" Mike said,

"Yeah, yeah you too." Richie agreed.

It was good to see Mike again, they'd stayed in contact the same way they all had; through group chats and Skype calls mostly but this was the first time since they all separated in Derry that Richie had seen Mike in person. He really wished it was for better reasons. And not in Florida.

"Alright, let's get your bags and then we can head out. There's a good diner not far from my place, I think you'll enjoy it."

Richie shuffled awkwardly, "I'm all here man!"

Mike looked confused for a moment then somewhat incredulous."You- you're all-? Did you not bring anything with you?"

"I said it was an impromptu trip didn't I?" Richie said.

The look Mike shot him appeared as if he were waiting for Richie to crack a joke, when none were forthcoming his brows raised.

"Alright man. I guess we can stop and pick you up some stuff you'll need. I have an extra toothbrush at home you can-"

"You were always the most prepared outta us!" Richie cheered possibly putting too much energy into a...toothbrush.

Richie knew it was weird, the whole situation was weird. He knew it was weird, and he knew Mike now knew it was weird. He could only hope that his fake enthusiasm could be obnoxiously distracting enough that Mike would let it slide unquestioned.

"Uh-huh." Mike said still eyeing him up, "Well, follow me I guess."

Richie breathed out a sigh that at least they weren't going to have this conversation in the middle of the Arrivals gate.

Mike's home was small but cozy, it had the foundations of something older with character that had maybe been remodeled sometime in its recent history. The living areas were clean but cluttered; books, and notebooks, and loose leaf were strewn around in somewhat organized heaps that probably made sense to Mike and Mike alone. The home was nestled amongst a forest of tall trees and brush that gave a sense of privacy, and to the side was a barely visible trail which Mike had pointed to when they pulled up and told him went straight to a little beach. Richie had eyed it dubiously, on one hand, beach day but on the other hand, he didn't feel like running into any gators, or snakes, or whatever the fuck else lived in this hellscape of a state. If he wanted to die that badly he would've stayed in LA thank you.

The first night the two of them had enjoyed boxes of take out which were supplemented by maybe a bit too much alcohol. They talked into the night, catching up in a roundabout way that dodged the elephant in the room. Of course that was mostly in part to the way Richie would circle the conversation back around to another of Mike's many research projects whenever the man looked like he was readying himself to broach the subject on what the real reason for Richie's visit was. Apparently Mike had been in an out of service area at the time of Richie's show and either hadn't yet heard about the disaster that it was or was too polite to corner him about it. Still, it sort of left Richie feeling like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Then again, that could have also been caused by the fact that he was still without a phone and thus had no clue how extensive the damage he caused actually was. Well, he had a tiny idea. He'd already ruined the best damn thing in his pathetic life, what did the rest of it matter? Richie ended up taking the bottle of vodka to bed with him that night.

The next day Mike took them both into town to pick up some more things for Richie under the disguise of grocery shopping. During which, Mike casually asked if Richie was thinking of replacing his phone.

"You said it broke right?"

"Yeah," he sighed, " Yeah, okay I guess I should get on that."

Before his manager had a full on aneurysm. He was sure his publicists were already dead from shock or stress.

After spending way too long in a small outlet shop in a nearby strip mall Richie finally had a new phone set up. Richie played with the device as Mike drove them back towards his house. He hadn't turned it on yet, he simply passed the phone from hand to hand, it gave him something to do. He got the same model as the one he'd broken so that he could keep using his old SIM card. He told himself that he would turn it on once he got inside, face the music. Of course once the two made it back Richie went about the rest of his day doing anything but set up his phone. Richie even let Mike lead him down the death trail to the small beach, which would have been really nice had it not been in Florida.

"And not a gator in sight!" Richie said enthusiastically as he sat on the sandy shore.

"You joke, but that pic I sent you guys last week was only a twenty minute walk from here, in a river that a-ways." Mike gestured behind and to the left of where they sat and Richie shot him a dirty look.

"I came here to try and relax."

Mike only laughed.

That night, after the sun had set in a myriad of colors much less impressive than the ones which shone in good ol' Cali. Richie found himself curled on a deck chair Mike had on his front stoop, watching the moths and other bugs circle the porch lights with an intense fixation, the darker it got the more of them had appeared. His phone was once again in his hands. It had been charging all afternoon, face down on the coffee table. He sighed and finally stopped his fidgeting to turn his attention to the device. He waited for it to load up after he turned it on. Before long he was staring at the familiar screen, there was only about a second of silence before the phone jumped to life and loaded the-

Jesus Christ -over a hundred notifications. He felt a little bad as he skimmed over the list of people vying for his attention, mostly he had messages from the Losers. Maybe it had been a kind of dick move to drop off the face of the earth for two days. He quickly turned to his email. He winced at the couple he had from sponsors. Well, former sponsors he assumed without having to open them.

He instead concentrated on the email from his manager.

'Alright Rich, I'm assuming you still have access to email, despite your sudden vacation but please make sure you tell me when you have a reliable phone, I'd like to discuss some things further. Good news: Your live-stream is trending, and there's been a lot of supportive interest within a whole new demographic. With a little work-shopping we can pull this all back together and make something out of it. Bad news: we lost a few sponsors, some of the higher ups weren't happy with your unpredictability. Also there's been some negative press from some previous demographics, as well as some confusion on whether you were serious in your bit. After hashing things out with the team we think you should start forming more of an online presence, we are working on getting your Twitter verified. Make a statement, control the flow of rumors, if you would like I can talk to the writers about coming up with a statement for you. We need to encourage support from this new demographic by reassuring people your coming out bit wasn't just a bad joke. Call me once you've read this, and get your ass back to LA.'

Richie let out a shuddering breath. A bit of the hysteria he had felt back in LA had begun to crawl up his spine. He could feel his pulse quicken at the mere thought of taking to social media, especially to what? Tell everyone he's gay? Again? Hadn't the first time been horrific and awkward enough?

His teeth clenched together as he worked his jaw until it ached, his breath seemed to burn his nostrils and tightly wound throat with every motion. Emotion thick and cloying wrapped around him until he felt as if he were drowning. He felt the sudden urge to jump up and run. As if he had anywhere to go in fucking Florida that wouldn't end with him in the jaws of some ugly reptile.

He placed his phone to the side and rubbed his hands together, feeling inexplicably dirty suddenly. He had run half way across the country and he still felt just as bad as he had in LA. All the gross intrusive thoughts were still there, the voices telling him how disgusting he was, how he'd disappointed his friends, driven them off. That he'd wind up sad and alone again. Behind that overwhelming fear was shame, shame that he had been lying for so fucking long, and yet behind that was the fear of anyone finding out, which circled back to more shame over his feelings to begin with. He shot his phone a scathing look. His manager wanted a statement? What the fuck was he supposed to say? What the actual hell was he supposed to Tweet out? ' Hi guys, it's true, I love cock but don't worry I hate myself more than any of you ever could!' ? Yeah, like that would go over well. Richie tried to amuse himself by picturing the look on his publicists face. God, it was suddenly even more tempting. Though he really couldn't afford to lose another one, especially while dealing with this latest fuck up. He wondered if he should finally face the music, open up all of the Losers unread messages. He opened his messenger app and immediately felt even more overwhelmed. His thumb hovering over the list of names. His eyes fixated on 'Eds '. Still, he hesitated. Terrified by what he'd see.

A small part of him tried to hold onto the sliver of optimistic news his manager had relayed, however it seemed slippery and hard to keep hold of it lieu of all the other shit. He pressed down over Eddie's contact name and held until it highlighted and with shaking hands he quickly deleted the message thread, erasing all of their previous conversations as well as the slew of unread messages. Almost immediately he felt as if his stomach had fallen into his gut. Regret and fear churned in him and he felt more strongly than ever as if he'd lost something. Richie startled as his phone buzzed obnoxiously; he looked down, heart in his throat, expecting to see Eddie's picture and was surprised to instead see Stan's.

He swallowed thickly before accepting the call.

"Hello?" Richie winced at how tepid his voice sounded.

"So, he is alive." Said Stan, dryly.

Richie groaned and slumped even lower in his chair, covering his face with one hand as if blocking his vision could also block out his embarrassment. There was a beat of silence before Stan asked,"So, what's going on Rich?"

And Richie couldn't help it, all the stress and emotional upheaval- that fact he was in Florida of all places - hit him all at once and bubbled up. First as a near silent giggle, then falling apart into gasping, full bodied laughs. Tears tracked down from his cheeks and Richie honestly couldn't tell what sort of emotion was behind them. Stan, bless his heart, waited patiently for him to gather his wits and calm himself down before prompting him again with a: "Yeah?"

Richie nodded despite knowing no one could see him, "Yeah." He agreed.

"The groups been pretty worried." Stan pushed gently.

"I- I don't know what to say." Richie admitted, feeling his guts churn with unease.

"Well, that really is something isn't it?" Stan said, "not everyday we find something that shuts you up."

And Richie can't help the startled laugh that escapes his throat. Despite his unease, his fear, the smile doesn't leave right away."It's been an eventful few days." He finally agrees.

"And how do you feel?"

Richie pulled a face, "Who are you? My therapist?"

"Pretty much except the pay is shit. Now answer the question."

Richie sighed, "I feel-" he cut himself off trying to discern a word he could use, "bad."

Surprisingly Stan didn't mock him for his eloquence, or lack thereof.

Richie tried again. "I'm…"

His guts continued to knot and squirm until he had to physically draw up his long legs to his chest, hoping for a respite, "I feel kinda sick."

"You always did get queasy when your nerves were high. You threw up on the first day of school."

"How the fuck do you remember that?"

"Like I'd ever let you forget. You threw up all over Greta Keene's light up shoes."

Richie groaned, "I mean, she kinda ended up deserving it?"

"True." There was another beat of silence, but this one was much less awkward.

Richie looked out into the dark foliage, lost in thoughts. "I can feel you thinking." Stan said softly.

"I fucked up."

"A bit, but probably not as much as you fear."

"I-I doubt that. Did you- Did you see it? The show?" Richie asked tentatively.

"Yes," Stan said after a moment's pause, "not while it was live...but afterwards."

"Then you know I fucked up."

"Yes, but as I said-"

"I don't know what to do." Richie interrupted Richie could hear Stan sigh through the phone.

It didn't sound like a noise made out of frustration but Richie's own self doubt was making him question everything.

"It's okay to be scared."

Richie felt his throat constrict at the words and he had to close his eyes against their sudden burning. He suddenly really wished Stan was here with him.

"I- I am. Scared." He said, haltingly.

"That's okay. You're not alone though, you know that right? You don't need to be alone."

"What if- what if they hate me?” ‘What if he hates me?’

“They could never. There's no way you're getting rid of any of us that easy."

Richie let out a humorless chuckle.

"Why do you think they would hate you?" Stan asked softly, though the question felt more like a prompt than asked out of genuine curiosity.

Stan always had a way of sounding older than he was, like he already knew the answers he was trying to make you understand as well. Richie felt suddenly off kilter as he wondered if Stan had somehow already known.

"Because-- Because I'm- Gay." He swallowed down the bile that suddenly threatened to rise up. He had never said it before. Not out loud and never to anyone else.

There was a pause as Stan waited to make sure Richie had said all he was going to before answering.

"Richie." He said, "None of us think any differently about you. You need to know that."

"How- how do you know- I mean what if-"

"None of us think any less of you. I'm not going to say this isn't a big deal, because to you it is. This is, well, it's obviously been something eating away at you. And sure, maybe you decided to come out in somewhat of a dramatic fashion and freaked yourself out, but you don't have to face all of this alone. We are going to be here to support you one hundred percent."

Richie sniffed back a few wayward tears that threatened to escape.

"Are you...are you sure?"

"Have you read any of the messages they've sent you?"

"No- I- no."

"You should. I think it will help. Also everyone was super worried when you went AWOL. You are...safe aren't you?"

Richie felt a pang of guilt at the hint of unease that marred Stan's voice.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm safe." He eyed the bushes warily, "as safe as I can be."

"Good. But...I could be in LA in just over a day you know."

Richie felt his heart swell and he wiped away a stubborn tear that refused to be pushed down. "Thanks, but I'm okay...plus I'm...not exactly in LA right now."

"You're not?" Stan said sounding a bit alarmed.

"Nah, taking a small vacation."

"Have you told Eddie? He's been-"

"We haven't spoken."

"Richie." Stan sounded tired now.

"I - I can't, okay? You saw the fucking show. What the fuck am I supposed to say to him now? 'Hey! So I told the whole world about my big gay crush on you! Oh, by the way, I have a big-'"

"Richard!"

"What!"

"Promise me you'll talk to him. Whatever happens, it won't be as bad as you're making it out to be in your head."

"Fine." Richie said begrudgingly followed closely by a put upon huff.

"Thank you. Now, will you be okay?"

"Yeah," he said, and though it was with little confidence, a little was still more than he'd felt previously.

"Good. Call me anytime if you need to talk. But you should try messaging the others, I know they'd like to hear from you and...they'll understand Richie. Losers gotta stick together."

Richie smiled despite himself. "Losers gotta stick together."

He parroted back.

"And call Eddie."

"Okay mom."

"I'm being serious Richie."

"Goodnight Stanley!"

Stan sighed but gave in, "Goodnight."

Richie took the phone away from his ear and ended the call. He sat staring at the screen until it flipped automatically back to his homepage. He hesitated for a moment before taking a deep breath and opening his messaging app. He clicked on the first name on his timeline list and began to scroll, eyes darting over the string of texts, a small smile making its way into his face as he took in the words of, yes shock but also support. Once caught up, he moved on to the next Loser until he had read through them all. And no he definitely didn't cry.

Well, maybe only a little. He felt another pang of loss when he remembered just why Eddie's name wasn't on his messaging list. He quickly opened up a new message draft and selected Eddie's name off his favourites list and then froze.

Stan's words played over in his head, encouraging him. All Of his friends show of support warmed him to his core, he could do this- A loud rustle from the underbrush sent Richie's heart jack-hammering in his chest. He froze, wide-eyed as he stared into the dark. A loud snap of a twig sent Richie vaulting over the side of the deck chair and nearly ripping the screen door off its hinges in his haste to get inside. 'Not today Satan', he thought as he slammed the front door closed behind him and slid the deadbolt into place. Richie huffed and wandered over to the pullout bed that had become his new home and collapsed onto it. He looked at his phone once more, and the opened draft before he deleted it and turned the device off. He'd message Eddie tomorrow.

Richie did not message Eddie the next day, nor the day after that.However, in his defense, he had been busy. Richie helped Mike with odd jobs around his property and was becoming more and more convinced that there was a large reptilian monster of some sort living on the grounds. Mike could roll his eyes all he wanted but the truth of the matter was that one day Richie swore he saw scales moving slowly through the brush.

Richie had also taken up his managers challenge and started trying to revamp his online presence. Now that he was officially verified he began, as the young ones would say, shitposting. His first order of conduct being a small tweet which read:

Richie Tozier @OfficialTrashmouth 'Turns out my biggest joke was pretending I was straight.' It had taken him a good three hours of nervous sweating before he had finally been able to post the tweet but he had also felt an immense sense of relief after receiving a screenshot of his own tweet from Bev minutes later followed by some words of love and way too many emojis. The rest of the losers had also sent their love and support through the group chat and private messages. He mostly ignored his twitter feed though, he had made the mistake of checking up on the tweet and its relevance earlier and had immediately felt overwhelmed. Not to say that most of the feedback was bad or anything, however as someone who had spent such a long time clinging to a carefully constructed persona, suddenly being unmasked and thrust into the spotlight was...scary. it was hard not to feel the shame and frustration he had been fighting off all his life.

Later, Mike had proven that he wasn't as much of an internet phobic recluse as Richie had begun to believe him to be, when over dinner that night he had clapped Richie on the back and told him only a little awkwardly that he was happy for him and that he hoped he could live the rest of his life with more confidence in who he was. Which? Okay, damn.

Richie had simply nodded, taken aback from how touched he'd been, luckily Mike had not seemed to be expecting anything back from him and the rest of the night flowed into something more familiar. Before they split for the night to retreat to their own sleeping arrangements, Mike asked if he had spoken to Eddie yet.

"Bill said Eddie was sounding pretty worried about you."

Richie had felt the swirl of something related to guilt settle over him, leaving him feeling restless with a negative energy he couldn't quite shake off.

"Eddie's a big boy, he'll be fine." Richie said, mind already wandering and worrying.

Mike sighed but let it drop before wishing Richie a good night. Another day another battle.

Richie lay awake well into the night, going over all the little dominoes that had fallen over and lead him to where he now was. Which of course meant that, mostly, he thought of Eddie. He reminisced about hot summer days spent by the quarry, of nights spent tempting Eddie out of his bedroom window to go look at the stars, he remembered the nights when they would talk about all the things they wanted to do with their lives, about how much they wanted to leave Derry behind but never each other. Their pinky fingers interlocking in quiet promises that extended far beyond the reaches of Derry.

He wondered a little bitterly how he could have kept his feelings contained even as long as he had, when there had been so many moments, so many times when he felt ready to explode with them. All the times he felt the need to pull Eddie’s metaphorical pigtails because he just couldn’t stand not being the center of his attention any longer. God, had he gotten good at it though. He couldn’t help but smile as memories washed over him, so precious for how long he’d gone without them. A chasm opened up in his gut though as his thoughts drifted back to his future, and its shaky foundations- hell, it didn’t even have foundations to be built upon. All Richie had was an email from his manager and the knowledge that Eddie must hate him. The thought of moving on with his life without Eddie by his side somehow seemed so improbable, so completely terrifying that Richie’s chest seized considering it. He wondered angrily where his conviction he’d had just over a month ago had gone. When he’d been so ready to keep lumbering onward. Maybe he had succeeded simply through lack of foresight. By waking up each new morning with a heavy despair in his chest and starting his day by pushing it down, down, down, before he could find the curiosity to examine it. By busying himself with distraction after distraction.

He wondered why his patented technique wasn’t working now.

Eddie had stepped into Richie’s apartment and scrubbed it until it sparkled and he must have done something to Richie himself as well. It was like the moment Eddie had stepped back into his life he’d swept away all of his previous coping mechanisms. Richie felt a wave of irrational anger suddenly. Anger at Eddie for throwing his life off its axis by his mere presence, at himself for growing comfortable with it so damn quick that he’d tricked himself into believing it was permanent.

Richie stewed in his tumultuous emotions in the darkened living room of Mike’s Florida home with nothing to distract him from his circling thoughts and growing loneliness except the obnoxious singing of the swamp insects that inhabited the area.

“It’s not a swamp.” Mike said, shaking his head and fixing Richie with a tired look.

“Listen, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a-”

“It’s a floodplain.”

“It smells like shit and is full of fucking snakes and gators Mikey.” Richie argued sometime during the next afternoon.

He’d gotten a somewhat fuzzy photo of a snake curled up next to a tree by the water and had uploaded it to his Twitter account with a “ Get out of my swamp!” caption and had been arguing with Mike on and off ever since. Honestly Richie had been on a roll with creating a new Twitter, uploading mostly photos and quips but he wasn't really in the mind to be too serious while on the platform. His manager was still thrilled.

“What is with you and the alligators?” Mike questioned with a shake of his head, “You haven’t seen one since you got here and you’re still somehow obsessed.”

“Do you know how old those things are Mike? They are nature's perfect killing machine. Evolution fucking stopped cause it got it right on like the first go, it just just paused long enough to make them a little smaller. They were here before us and will probably outlive us.”

“Eddie tell ya all that?”

Richie scoffed and made a bit of looking awfully offended. Mike laughed so he counted it as a win. Sort of.

“...speaking of-” Mike began.

Richie’s gazer darted to Mike, eyes narrowed.“He called this morning.” Mike continued.

Richie felt his heart rocket into his throat and his stomach drop into his gut so quickly he had to swallow down the urge to dry heave onto the sand.

“What?”

“He’s looking for you. Did you honestly not tell him where you were going?”

“You didn’t tell him, did you?” Richie gasped.

“Hey now- calm down Richie. He just sounded really worried.”

“Did you tell him?” Richie demanded. Mike sighed then replied, “I told him I’d get you to call if you popped up.”

Richie’s eyes narrowed but he wasn’t such a dick that he would call Mike out for lying without proof. “I can’t face him right now.”

“Why not? I mean, it sounds like you have a lot to talk about.”

“Nope.”

“I saw the video.”

“Oh for fucks sake!” Richie threw his arms up, “Isn’t privacy a thing anymore?”

“You live streamed the show Rich, I don’t think privacy was a concern at the time.”

Richie folded his arms and scowled.

“Listen, just, call Eddie. Before he drives Stan and Bill crazy.”

That made Richie pause, “Stan and Bill?”

“If you would go into the group chat instead of hiding you’d know what I mean.”

“The moment I go on everyone will be able to see, including Eddie, so.” Richie shrugged, “No group chat.”

“Full offense, bud, but you’re treating this whole thing like a child would.You won’t be able to avoid Eddie forever.”

“Watch me.” Richie muttered, knowing full well that he was only reaffirming Mike’s accusations. Mike rolled his eyes but seemed to give up the argument and left the porch to retreat back inside to let Richie mope in peace. Not long later Richie heard the shrill ring of Mike's home phone. Why the man bothered to have a home phone instead of working off a cellphone like a normal person Richie would never know, regardless, he couldn't pick up what was said from where he sat. A few minutes later Mike was back out on the porch.

"I'm going into town for a bit. Got some errands to run. Why don't you relax and think about what I said? Maybe call Stan." Mike suggested, shuffling his feet a little awkwardly.

Richie took in the man's tense posture and shifting eyes. Mike was usually the type to stand strong, make eye contact as he spoke. Richie started to feel a little bad, thinking perhaps he'd been a bit too much of an ass today.

"Sure, okay." He said agreeably in an effort to make up for his earlier prickliness.

"Need me to pick you up anything?" Mike asked as he circled around his truck.

"No," Richie said, already feeling like he'd put Mike out enough for crashing at his abode for so long.

Mike shrugged and tossed his keys with almost a nervous energy before nodding and saying "Alright, well, I'll just, uh, be going then."

Richie nodded and waved him away, "if I'm not here by the time you get back, assume the gators got me."

Mike huffed but there was a smile on his face as he hopped into the cab of the truck and started it up. He waved to Richie again as he circled around and started down the long drive to the main road. Richie was bored by then end of the hour. There was very little to do while in the boonies that didn't run the risk of being eaten by the local wildlife, especially without Mike there to help spot potential risks and watch his back.

Richie wandered about Mike's home, exploring and generally being a nosy little shit. He was able to amuse himself for a good thirty minutes after he found an honest to God banjo tucked away in the attic. He brought it down to the porch ready to strum like mad and make a damn good nuisance of himself when Mike got back. However, as the minutes ticked by Richie's attention wandered and he poked around some more, flipping through Mike's extremely niche and weird collection of books, his notes, examining his bits and bobs. He took pictures of things he found particularly weird and bizarre, he was busy going through his photos and trying to think up anything that might have been considered funny to Tweet about, because that was really a concern now apparently, when Richie finally heard the telltale roar of Mike’s truck engine coming up the drive. He sort of hated the flash of excitement he got from the sound, he was a grown adult who should be in enough control over his life that he didn't rely on others to bring him amusement; of course that being said, if Richie had any semblance of control he wouldn't have even been in Florida, would he?

Richie stood up from the deck chair and raised a hand in greeting when the truck came into view, the banjo resting behind him ready to go. However, as the truck moved closer and the sun reflecting on the glass of the windshield shifted Richie began to become aware that Mike wasn't alone in the cab of the truck. Richie walked off the porch and into the front yard to try and get a better look but it wasn't until Mike was all but pulling onto the property that Richie's eyes locked onto none other than Eddie fucking Kaspbrak glaring daggers at him through the glass.

Now, Richie had experience many terrifying things in his life, the variety of traumas he had locked up would be enough to personally fund some lucky psychologist for years if he felt so inclined to go. So it's with great authority and experience that Richie swears that seeing Eddie fuming in the passenger seat of Mike's god damn car, in fucking Florida, was the second scariest occurrence he had ever witnessed. Only being trumped by the horrifying reality he'd been forced to watch in the deadlights. He knew he must have made one hell of a picture, still slightly hungover, hair unbrushed, jaw dropped and eyes wide. Richie felt frozen in shock at the sight, Eddie, his Eddie in fucking Florida. The truck had barely finished rolling to a stop before the passenger door was being thrown open and Eddie was bursting out of it like a mini tornado of rage.

Richie couldn’t help but note the state Eddie seemed to be in, hair usually perfectly groomed looked knotted and windswept, his skin pale despite having tanned in the LA sun and his eyes looked haggard, dark bruises from sleepless nights weighing heavily, even his usually ironed shirts and slacks looked wrinkled; his rough appearance did little to take away from the bright angry sheen in his eyes as he fixed Richie with a sharp look and began to march over. Richie had known for a long time that there was something seriously wrong with him, what, with his seemingly perfect ability to self destruct at every possible turn, however the point was really hammered into his head when the only thought that seemed to penetrate his shocked and empty brain was ‘My God he’s fucking gorgeous.’

That was until of course Eddie’s sneer picked up a notch and he opened his mouth to let out a scathing,

“You fucker!”

Richie took a giant step back shaking his head eyes fixed so solely on the short angry demon marching up to him that he didn’t even see Mike get out of the truck afterwards.

“I can’t believe you! ” Eddie continued, “Don’t you dare take another step Richard, I swear to God!”

And all at once, all of Richie’s survival instincts were kickstarted back online.

“Nope!” Richie said, voice a little higher pitch in his fear, and he turned and ran.

“RICHIE!”

Richie didn’t turn to look back, he just went for it, dodging past Mike’s small home and straight into the Floridian woods. There wasn’t any logic to his actions, he didn’t even bother to stick to the trail, Richie simply pushed his way through the trees and grasses. He had no destination in mind, just the strong urge to run, much like the one he felt during all of his life's most uncomfortable moments. He ran, and ran, and ran, until he could no longer hear the sounds of Eddie and Mike calling after him. It was only when he felt like his chest was about to explode that he stopped to wheeze against a tree, he clutched at his side as he sputtered pathetically at the ground and silently cursed the decades he’d spent mostly ignoring his physical health.

“Jesus fuck” He grumbled once he’d finally remembered how to properly pull air into his lungs and breathe.

He took a moment to look around only to realize that he had absolutely no idea where he was. Mike had to have, like, neighbors somewhere, right? Richie groaned he knew this was stupid, he had nowhere to go except further into the Florida wilderness and that was one stupid way to die. Sighing, and mentally preparing himself, Richie turned to go back the way he thought he had come from.

He snarled as he pushed his way through the thick bushes and trees grumbling at the sticks that caught the fabric of his clothes and scratched at his skin, he was going to look like he’d come out of a fight with a pissed off alley cat after this shit. God Eddie was going to be so incomprehensibly furious at him. He cried out in victory as he pushed through some particularly thick bushes, only for his cries to turn almost immediately alarmed when the ground under his feet seemed to disappear and sent him careening down a muddy, slick embankment and face first into green tinged waters.

Richie resurfaced with a loud gasp as he flailed and coughed out a mouthful of disgusting water, swearing profusely. He splashed until he was able to finally get his feet somewhat stable on the thick muddy bottom of the riverway he seemed to have fallen into. The water luckily seemed to be slow moving without too much of a current. It was however, quite deep, reaching up to his chest. He glanced around and cursed his luck, the river was narrow but he definitely didn’t recognize it. Which meant he had most definitely been moving in the wrong direction. He cursed again, this stupid shit wouldn’t have happened to him back in LA.

All at once Richie felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on end as his whole body erupted into a strong shudder that had more to do with instinct than the cool waters. He turned, eyes darting back and forth along the murky water when movement locked his attention to the opposite embankment. Richie felt ice cold terror grip him as he watched a huge alligator pull itself down the muddy shore and slip gracefully into the slow moving water. Panic seized him and he spun around to begin clawing at the shoreline desperately, uselessly, his hands coming away with chunks of mud and grass, doing nothing to pull him out of the water. A noise he wasn’t proud of escaped from his throat as his mind whirled. This was not how he wanted to die, not in some fucking swamp water, not to a fucking alligator and certainly not in fucking Florida.

He pulled himself along the shore trying to get to a narrower portion he could climb up when he heard a splash behind him. Richie didn’t turn to look though everything in him wanted to, but right in front of him was a tree, and Richie wasted no goddamn time pulling himself up. Thinking back, he had no idea how he found the strength to climb all the way into a tree when he could barely make it up two flights of stairs without needing to pause for air, but one moment he was in the water with certain death and the next, he was curled up in the branches looking down. Richie looked over the water and shouted out a relieved cry at the pair of reptilian eyes he could swear were staring at him, no more than ten feet away,

“Yeah, fuck you! Not getting any of this today pal!” Richie laughed and felt himself sag against the scratchy bark, “Now just, go fuck off so I can leave.”

He finished with a grumble. And then waited.

And waited

And-

Richie was going insane, every time he would begin to think that stupid animal had finally buggered off, there would be a ripple in the water or he’d catch sight of a pair of eyes bobbing above the waters surface. He had no way to call for help, his phone abandoned somewhere back on Mike’s porch, and even if he had had it with him Richie wasn't sure the device would have survived his impromptu bath. He had tried calling out for help a few times but had gone completely unanswered. He was totally alone.

Besides from stressful, being stuck in a tree because of a potentially murderous gator was beyond boring and extremely uncomfortable. There was nothing to keep his mind occupied and distracted enough from re-analyzing the series of events that had him stuck here in the first place, and the hot humidity in the air made it so he never really dried off from the water and instead just became more and more itchy and cranky.

As the minutes dragged on into hours, he had taken to singing, badly, to himself when another sound caught his attention. Richie paused his singing to listen, ears perked for anything out of the ordinary. For a moment there was nothing, and then all at once he heard it again. His name, distant but there.

“HEY!” Richie shouted as loud as he could, “OVER HERE!”

Richie felt an intense burst of relief as his cries were immediately answered by another shout of his voice and a barely heard: “ Where?”

“HERE!” He shouted again,

“Richie?!” Mike’s voice.

“BY THE RIVER!” He called out hoping Mike was familiar enough with the land that he knew what that meant.

“ARE YOU HURT?” Eddie’s voice rang out, so much closer.

Eddie.

Richie’s chest tightened but he would willing sit through whatever lecture Eddie had as long as he got away from this stupid- oh god.

“WAIT!” He shouted, “BE CAREFUL! GATOR!”

“WHERE?” Mike again

“RIGHT FUCKING UNDER ME!” Richie yelled glaring spitefully at the large reptile that had decided to make camp on the sand, less than a body's length away from his tree. There was rustling in the undergrowth, and Richie knew they were close,

“You’re close, I can hear you, be careful!”

Moment’s later Mike and Eddie burst through the thick bushes with a swing of a long machete Mike was wielding.

“Jesus, Rich-” Mike cursed when he got a good look at the precarious situation Richie had gotten himself into.

Next to him Eddie wasn't doing much better.

“What the fuck? What the actual fuck Richie! Are you kidding me, are you fucking kidding me? Can you go literally nowhere without pissing shit off? That's a fucking alligator!” Eddie began screeching and pointing.

“I fell into the water!” Richie tried to defend,

“Oh my GOD!”

“Hang tight Richie, I’ll call the animal control or something I guess,” Mike said, taking out his phone.

Even as he did though, Eddie was bending down to pick up a large rock from the ground, eyes wild and half-mad looking. The smaller man grunted as he winded up and threw the huge stone, hitting the alligator right in the side with a thunk.

“FUCK OFF!”

“Eddie! Shit , Stop!” Mike cursed, phone half way to his ear.

Eddie wasn’t listening as he picked up a large branch and threw that next, the gator made a loud hissing noise and thrashed it’s tail to the side, spraying sand into the air. Richie’s jaw dropped at the sight of Eddie attacking a fucking alligator, it honestly would have been the hottest thing he’d ever seen if he wasn’t so instantly terrified that it would end with Eddie dead.

“Eddie, Eddie fucking stop it, I swear to god!” Richie said, even as he began calculating how he could throw himself onto the damn thing if it decided to charge his friends.

Eddie picked up another large stone and threw it, cursing the gator out as it sailed through the air and hit the large beast right in the eye. The animal recoiled and Richie felt his stomach drop thinking that it was going to retaliate for sure and that he was going to have to die to try and stop it, but for once in his miserable life luck seemed to be on his side. The alligator pushed itself quickly away, sliding into the water and making a B-line for the other side of the river.

Eddie barely took the time to breathe before he was yelling at Richie further,“Get down! Get down right now, or I swear to god Richie, I’ll use Mike’s fucking machete to cut the tree down with you in it and leave you to the swamp!”

Richie was only scrambling to obey, and after nearly falling twice, his feet finally touched the ground.

“Phew,” Richie said and whistled, “That was sure an adventure, huh guys? And you said this place wasn’t a swamp, I swear it almost smells as bad as-”

“Beep beep, Richie.” Mike said, looking too exhausted.

Richie’s mouth snapped shut and he felt a little guilty for causing the man so much stress. He sighed as he walked over to the other two,

“Look, I’m-”

“Don’t.” Eddie said, cutting him off.

Richie looked at him and frowned, Eddie appeared more stony faced than he had been since he’d shown up hours before.

“Mike, lead us back.” Eddie demanded.

Mike took a moment to look between the two before he nodded, “Sure, follow close and watch your step.”

The walk back to Mike’s house was spent in mostly weighted silence that had Richie growing increasingly uncomfortable with each step he took. It was of immediate relief when they made it back to the small abode, Richie’s eyes were trained on the door as he made a B-line for it, he couldn’t be out of the open air fast enough, he needed a shower and maybe to sleep for like a week. He carefully wasn’t looking at either Mike or Eddie when he was stopped in his tracks by a hand gripping his sleeve.

“Go on ahead Mike, we’ll be in in a minute.”

Richie gulped nervously as he sent a silent plea for Mike to save him. Mike, though, barely took the time to glance at them before he was nodding and heading into the safety of the house.

Richie took a deep breath and knowing that he couldn’t possibly run anymore turned to face Eddie. Eddie for his part seemed to be working himself up again, there was a deep furrow between his brows and his lips were pressed into a thin line. Richie waited a moment to see if Eddie would speak first, before he decided to just get it over with himself, he had barely parted his lips to speak when the silence of the early evening air was broken.

“Florida Richie? Fucking really?”

Richie’s snapped his mouth shut.

“I can’t believe you just took off like that! You didn’t even text me! Do you have any idea what that was like? You just disappeared! Once I realized you weren’t camping out at Bill’s or Stan’s or-or the others, I freaked! I thought you were fucking dead, man! What the fuck!”

“Wow, breathe Eds.” tried to deflect, noticing just how red Eddie’s face was getting.

“FUCK YOU!” Richie winced and looked to the ground.

There was a beat of silence.

“I looked everywhere for you, I was so worried,” Eddie continued, softer this time, “I even went through your phone numbers and called your manager, but he told me he couldn’t divulge any information about clients and-” Eddie sighed, shaking his head and said, “You can’t ever do this again.”

“I’m sorry,” Richie’s heart was thumping in his chest.

Eddie’s face twisted, “Why the hell did you take off like that?”

“I-”

Richie didn’t even know where to begin, all of the past weeks emotions were battling it out in his chest and abdomen, made somehow even more striking with Eddie standing right in front of him, his fist still clenched around Richie’s sleeve as if he were afraid that Richie would bolt again if he let him go. Eddie was looking up at him, eyes cleared of the anger that had been burning so bright since he’d shown up, he looked confused, worried, and maybe something else that Richie couldn’t quite name. But he was looking at Richie with all of his attention, and god, Richie almost wished he’d never stop, never stop looking at him, holding him, it terrified him how much he wanted Eddie.

He almost cracked a joke, because of course he would, but he held back, swallowing it down at the last moment. The thought of lying to Eddie, was causing him even worse discomfort than he was already in. So, for the first time in a long time Richie decided to be brave.

“I was scared.”

Eddie’s brow creased again.

Richie took a shaking breath, “I was scared and I didn’t- I didn’t know what to do-”

“So you ran to fucking Florida?”

Richie sighed and shot Eddie an annoyed look.

Eddie snapped his mouth closed and motioned for him to continue, “I panicked, and yeah, I ran to fucking Florida because-because even this god damn swamp was less terrifying than going home and having to- having to lose you and-”

“Lose me?” Eddie interrupted again looking impossibly more bewildered.

“You-You saw the show. I fucked up- I know I did but-”

“Did you mean it?” Eddie said, cutting him off again.

“What?”

“In the show, was that- was that some sort of joke to you? Were you jerking me around or did you fucking mean it?”

Richie was sweating, he was sure of it, his wide eyes burned from how much he wanted to just blink, but he was frozen, everything around him seemed to have stopped, his field of vision narrowed down to Eddie. The rest of the world could have evaporated and Richie wouldn’t have known the difference. In the stillness, he knew that the next words out of his mouth were important, more important than anything else he has ever said. He could feel another one of his life’s dominoes tipping.

“Every word.” He whispered, “It wasn’t a joke, I hadn’t even meant to say it, but I did mean it, every damn word. I- I like you Eds, I have for years. Almost as long as I can remember, even when I couldn’t remember- it was always you.”

The silence was deafening. All at once Eddie’s hand which had been holding his sleeve was gone and Richie felt as if his heart was going to shatter. He tried to prepare himself, for the rejection or disgust, but even so he wasn’t sure how he could possibly survive it. Suddenly, he felt hands clench at the collar of his shirt and yanked him off his center of balance, he barely had the mind to stop himself from falling before everything went blank and he died.

Or at least, Richie was assuming that’s what happened because there was no way that Eddie would be kissing him otherwise, he had to have died. It took his brain a second more to realize that no, this was happening, Eddie was kissing him, and that he needed to fucking respond before he ruined it.

Richie brought his hands up, one to grip Eddie’s hip and pull him closer, and the other to gently cup his cheek as he finally began to kiss him back. All at once Richie felt himself settle, all of the turbulence and anxieties that had plagued him for as far back as he could remember finally dissipated, his head felt light as the elation hit him even as the heat coiled in his belly, grounding him. Richie could scarcely believe this was happening, he sighed into the kiss as he felt one of Eddie’s hands trail up to tangle in his curls.

Eddie was the first to pull away, only when the need for oxygen grew too strong. Richie couldn’t keep the smile off his face as Eddie kept his hands on him, leaning up to rest their foreheads together, breathing the same air. Richie opened his eyes, unsure of when they’d even closed, and took in everything he could. The slight flush to Eddie’s cheeks, the small upturn of his lips that hinted at a smile, Richie wanted to kiss him all over again- and then keep kissing him. But before he could, Eddie was backing away.

“God I can’t believe I did that.”

Richie had a brief flash of anxiety as he suddenly worried he was about to lose it all.

“You were practically swimming in that swamp , god you’re filthy! Uhg, no, no more, go inside and shower right now! I’m not kissing you again until you do.”

Richie’s face broke out into a huge grin, he didn’t know it was possible to feel this happy, the suddenness of it felt like getting whiplash.

“But Eds-”

“No, absolutely not! And that’s not my name!”

Richie’s grin grew impossibly large as he opened up his arms and went in for a hug, delighting when Eddie screeched and tried to dodge him. The two of them chased each other up the porch and into the house, Richie giving up the game and instead taking Eddie’s hand in his, his stomach swooping pleasantly when Eddie not only allowed it but gave him a reaffirming squeeze.

Yeah, they still had a lot to talk about but Richie had never felt more excited to do so.

It ends with Richie walking out onto a large stage in LA, his palms sweaty as he smiles and waves at the cheering crowd. There was a nervousness clawing at his chest as he made it to center-stage, but with it also a giddy sort of anticipation. He picked up the microphone and stared out over the audience, not seeing much due to the bright lights shining over him, but still the silhouettes carried a touch of intimidation. He breathes, smile growing as he greets his audience, his voice steady and loud, cheers rise up in accordance and he plants his feet, grounding himself, readying. Yet despite that, the usual pres-show dread that Richie is used to feeling crawl in his stomach is absent, in its stead is a right sort of deliberateness that he’s never felt while walking out in front of a sold out crowd- or any crowd for that matter, not since being picked up decades ago in LA. There’s something peaceful about the steadfastness of his conviction, about knowing however the audience takes this new show will be a drop in the bucket compared to the opinions of the people he’s already shared the script with. Eddie’s approval meant more to him than any of these fuckers combined. So it was easier for him now, more than any other time in his life to recite the words from his script- words he himself had written.

Yes, he was nervous. But he was also resolute as he turned to look into the camera and the audience and say:

“So, my boyfriend moved in recently, like officially and-”

The smile that broadens Richie’s face is more genuine than any one he’d given on stage before as his audience hoots and cheers. Maybe he’d really send that fruit basket he’d been considering over to his publicist, or his manager for convincing him to take to Twitter to improve his fan-base. Fuck it, he’d send his whole team fruit baskets. A thank you to everyone who had been supportive of him, who continued to back him while he figured his shit out. People who gave him the opportunity to stand on stage and feel the pride that ballooned in his chest at each laugh and holler each of his jokes got. Pride was a feeling he’d had very little of in his life, it was hard to grasp when you’d spent most of your life in hiding. There were moments even now, despite everything, that had him instinctively wanting to curl up and slink away, because having pride in oneself is a learned behavior and one Richie was working on still. It got easier though, with every smile from his friends, any and every little touch Eddie blessed him with, and every morning he got to wake up and have Eddie right there next to him- everyday was full of little moments, little opportunities for him to feel so fucking lucky. So, yeah, walking out on that stage was an ending. A metaphorical book closing on a life lived in hiding and in shame- and he wasn’t going to miss a second of it.

Richie was starting a whole new novel, one composed of all those little and big moments worth holding onto, even if they were scary, maybe especially so; because for the first time in as far back as he could remember Richie wasn’t running away. He was pushing forward with the strength of more than just himself, and he was making a conscious decision to finally make his leap of faith, because even if he fell, he had six great people waiting to catch him. Richie pushed onward, because even though this was an ending, it was also the start of something so much greater. -

#IT #reddie #fanfic #mike hanlon #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #stan uris #fanfiction #fandom

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thedogsled · 5 years

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Hi anonymous gencest person in my inbox! First of all, I wanted to reply to you thoroughly, I just happened to not be online at the time that you sent your first message, and as a result it’s taken a little time to write this reply. You seem to be really hurt by this, but the tone of your message is understanding and kind, and you deserve to be spoken to with the same respect that you did in your messages to me. I’ve put your message under the cut to protect you a little bit (I hope that you find it).

For the folks on my dash, please don’t think this is me jumping back into it. Mostly that’s because, as you mentioned in your message, I feel like everything has gotten very out of hand. The tone of the original conversation changed underneath me, because while my issues were only with tagging, I feel like some people perceived it to be something else. I’d like to clear that up. Ad hominem attacks are always unnecessary, and they derail reasonable conversation. I also think that a lot of this jumped off the back of already raised tensions and preconceptions, and the divisions in fandom are wholly responsible for that. So that’s mostly why I haven’t mentioned it on my blog since the scuffle happened, and why I’m happier putting the rest of this under a cut. I don’t agree with what this turned into (kink shaming, and making genfic people into some sort of commodity to be shot across the battlefield like human cannons), and it’s left a bad taste in my mouth how the whole thing was handled, much as it seems to have done with anonymous.

This post is about that.

Anonymous said:The gencest wank is reaching new levels. Now people on twitter are claiming that participants "support child abuse" (which child?) and are "grooming" other people. There is disagreeing with the ambiguity the term gencest imply and there is straight up calling content creators who just want to write on their favorite characters predators. Now I feel even worse about writing Winchester Gen fic and I'm not even a participant! Are yall even going to care about that?

Anonymous said:(same g*ncest wank anon) Look, nevermind. I dont really expect anything. I was hurt by both sides when I'm at a low point and just wanted to write some S&D gen fic to cheer me up. I came to vent but it wasn't called for. I'm sorry. Have a nice day.

I’m going to start right back at the beginning. This wank started on Twitter, and it’s still continuing over there. I think a lot of the reason why things are never let go of on Twitter is because the format has a toppling effect. With things only loosely dated, and Twitter sending you notifications for things you might have been interested in, it tends to keep fires burning a lot longer. The viciousness of the conversations is one of the reasons why I’m not a very big presence of Twitter myself, not to mention block and let block isn’t considered to be a social default. People just engage with material no matter the consequences, forgetting that other people on the internet are living breathing emoting human beings.

Part of it, too, is Supernatural fandom’s divisions in general. If you look just at the wank that crossed my dash just in the last week - one week! - there’s the gencest wank, wank from old meta writers about new meta writers, wank at people who wish Cas had been in this episode, wank about Danneel--it never ends. And instead of those wanks being considered as separate incidents, they instead build one on top of another, so people come into conversations with a lot of baggage, which they aim at each other in quickfire succession.

It’s not okay. That’s part of the reason why I try and avoid engaging in ‘antis do this, antis do that’ drama, fandom dividing into sides etc. because it’s draining, it’s tiring, and it stops you from doing things you want to be doing. Trust me, I know all about the pain of just wanting to write/draw/reblog so and so, and feeling like you can’t because the fandom is a trash heap. Other multishippers feel the same way, like they can’t reblog content from certain bloggers because it’s only going to cause drama. I haven’t written or drawn anything but Destiel (apart from that one Sabriel fic for the RB last year) since I started this blog, despite being a multishipper at heart myself, because I don’t feel like that content is welcome or will be engaged with.

This fandom cultivates that kind of unwelcomeness, in my opinion, to almost everyone in it. It also prevents people from blogging on their own blog, because again people feel they need to seek out and engage with content (even untagged content) that they disagree with, or they’re not interested with, instead of just blocking it. I like talking about ships, and I like discussing how problematic some of them are. I like discussing dark fic. I like discussing tagging practices, and how to keep people safe from being triggered in a fandom which is full of people carrying their traumas with them. While I like engaging with the dark potential of characters, I do my best not to do so at the expense or harm of others. All of those things lead to conflict, and conflict I avoid so much I don’t end up using my blog as I want to. For example, just last year I got involved in a Megstiel conversation which ended in people saying rude things about me and wearing it as a badge of honor that I blocked them. I like Megstiel. I have RPed it and I like the potential the two characters have with each other. It’s not my OTP, and I’m not a relentless wave of positivity about it, but that’s okay. That’s my opinion, and not an opinion I should have to defend, and it’s okay to block people rather than argue needlessly and spread ill feeling around even more.

Staying out of other people’s opinions didn’t happen, this time. Blocking didn’t happen (the gencest mod did use her block later on, which I wholly support, when I was still following the drama, but the block wasn’t respected. When people log out to get around blocks, it isn’t respectful, and it’s part of what fans the drama higher). Not to mention all this drama came in at peak level because all this fandom is is Us Vs. Them until everyone is in a frenzied final battle situation during every incident. Sometimes the drama is being exacerbated and misrepresented, and there are absolutely trolls trying to stir the other thing to being much worse than it is “for fun”. Fandomwank and the anon comms on Dreamwidth (formerly LJ) and to a certain extent Reddit, love making Tumblr and Twitter fans go at each other, and even if we’re pretty shitty with each other already, that’s being driven and exacerbated constantly by forces unseen.

(Note: People may accuse me of making this up, I suppose, but we’re a powderkeg and people love to start fires. The fake Cas stan on Twitter from this summer is a GREAT example of this, they had Misha’s name in their URL and dropped shit on the writers and cast for a long time just to make people froth at the mouth “How could they say that to Jared” etc. I think people really underestimate how much rubberneckers love drama, and if there isn’t any they will happily start it. That said, a fair amount of drama starts organically, and I’ll concede as much, but if you think cackling supervillains are crazytalk let me introduce you to MS Scribe...)

Rambling about drama aside, because I’m quite passionate about how stupid this fandom gets, I want to get back to your ask. I haven’t touched your actual comments yet, and that does a disservice to them because this drama has genuinely hurt you. Fandom should know that. Their words hurt real people. The bickering hurts real people. It drives people away. It drives people I know away, and it’s hurting this anon as well. It’s like anon says: are we going to care about that? Because we should. We should be making this fandom a better place. We should be mending bridges, not distancing people and telling them their pain doesn’t matter. It matters. At least it matters to me. I want you to know that, anon.

That it matters, that’s why I got so passionate about the tagging issue. We should care for everyone’s comfort in this fandom, and that matters to me too. We shouldn’t shout names at each other. And maybe if people hadn’t been at a default level of at each other’s throats, we could have had a conversation about this. I honestly believe the gencest mod came at this from a reasonable position originally, with no ill intent. I may not have made that clear in my previous posts, but I was determined to give them the benefit of the doubt. I don’t think their definition was even that wrong, given that they weren’t trying to redefine the brodependency, imo. My issues only came from a need for fandom itself to invoke the terms Wincest and incest where necessary to protect the people who seek protection from those terms, who are harmed by it, and blacklist it. So that their blacklists work, and continue to protect them. That’s okay, I think, to ask for that, not at the exclusion of the gencest tag, but alongside it where it’s necessary. Incest isn’t what the exchange is about, as I understand it, but obviously the inclusion of ‘wincest’ in the portmanteau does make the real intent cloudy, and excludes people who might otherwise have been interested in it. You mentioned in your ask that the term was ambiguous, and that was my only issue with it, not whatever it’s gotten turned into, especially if that negativity is explicitly anti-Wincest. If the mod wants to use a term that invokes incest for her non romantic gen fest, then that’s the mod’s prerogative. Re. tagging, I think it matters, but tagging is different to the challenge. I’ve tried to be clear on the difference I feel about it since the beginning.

I think that when you are inside the bubble of a ship, it becomes difficult to see the issues with that ship. Let’s take it outside of the fandom and look at Buffy, for example. The fair and honest truth is that Spuffy is an abusive ship. It was literally abusive, then framed as love, Joss Whedon’s gross projection of being able to creepily stalk women and do whatever he wants to them because ~love~ and the woman will ultimately forgive him for being a ruthless monster and they’ll get together. (coughMarvelcough). It’s my OTP for Buffy, but it is what it is. In SPN fandom, Wincest has a similar problem, because it’s been around right since the beginning of the show, and there’s some people I feel who have forgotten that it’s an incest ship, you know, and forget that other people don’t say “It’s just incest” in real life. Only on the internet. (The response to poor Jason Fisher’s defense of Superwiki from the GA made that disconnect really clear to me. The GA literally have no idea why this show would defend incest, because how we speak about incest within fandom is wholly different to how it’s discussed in the real world.)

That said, boy oh boy. I’m about to open a whole other can of worms here.

Wincest folks get constantly attacked. Like I said, it’s an incest ship, and between the GA and people who are triggered by it and purity culture, you’ve got these people who just wanna write their ship and they’re constantly on the toe of everyone’s boot getting a right kicking. I’m not going to argue about the moral rights and wrongs of writing incest, because it’s none of anyone’s business. Writing incest isn’t a gateway drug to performing it any more than if you write stories about murder that’s what you’re setting up to do next yourself. No matter why someone writes it, generally speaking that’s between them and their catharsis. People get uppity about other people’s ships and kinks when they should stay in their own lanes, really.

Tagging is the key to that. Acknowledging your ship has issues and then making sure you tag those issues responsibly. That’s important. It protects us. It protects me when I write darkfic. It protects people who write darkfic because they’re survivors, and helps people to deal with those things when it’s tagged properly, when it’s given the name of what it is, rather than sanitized. That’s my issue with gencest as a tag (not as a fest), because it felt like sanitized incest. You need to call that what it is. You need to identify it. Your older brother climbing into bed with you naked and without permission isn’t gen. To some people within the ship, the identification of it is half the battle. When we tag considerately, we are being kind to people we don’t know, as well as protecting ourselves. Tags make fandom better and safer.

With the way things have unrolled, it’s made it so engaging in either fest seems like picking sides. That’s not okay. That’s not just this battle; this is just another casualty of the whole ship war, something which has sucked the fun out of many things people enjoy doing, and driven many many people out of fandom. I’m sorry that this one hit when you were already feeling so low, not least because we all deserve to have nice things. Fandom is supposed to be the place to go to when life is shitty, to give you fun and relief. It’s not meant to feel like getting sent back to the trenches. Not for anyone.

We need to mend our bridges. We need to keep making our content, and stop seeing it as ride or die. We need to keep our nasty opinions to our own blogs and stop calling each other names when we don’t agree. We need to stop seeing blocking as unreasonable behavior and not proper curation. We need to stop raiding ship tags for wank, or dumping our crap on other ship’s tags in the first place. We need to give more people the benefit of the doubt, and engage on conversational levels about out fandom and our ships. We need to call out issues from within our own fandom, so when drama is getting splashed around we need to say “hey, they have a bit of a point, here, maybe we can talk reasonably about it”. We need to stop shadowboxing with an enemy we think is the boogeyman, when in reality we’re punching real people in the face. We need to tag proactively, and kindly, and keep our fandom corners clean so that when people come to visit we can say “hey, we take our tagging really seriously, you can’t call us out on it.” That’s the fandom I want to be a part of.

Most of all we need to be kind to each other. Be better. For this anon and for everyone else who’s ever been hurt by fandom. Enough shittiness is enough.

To anon. I’m sorry you’re hurting. It fucking sucks, and I’m so sorry things got driven to the point they have now. I’m sorry you got stuck in the middle of it. That said, I want you to write. I want to read your content. Shippy or not, I love the relationship that Sam and Dean have, and seeing all parts of it, fluffy and dark and codependent and cute and playful and snarky. I love G rated fic as much as I love dark NC-17 fic, and I don’t care for people who gen shame, like fic isn’t interesting if it doesn’t have sex in it. Screw that noise. I hope you write. I want you to write. As part of a challenge or not. I hope you will. Everyone I’ve spoken to about this tells me they want more gen S&D content.

You, and anyone else, are welcome to send me any content you want, any time you like. I don’t reblog NC-17 content that isn’t under a cut, or content that attacks other fans, but you can send me any ship, anytime - anyone who loves any ship in this crazy fandom, regardless of what circle of affiliation you usually sit with - and I’ll share your content. With the right tags, of course! We don’t have to be this dysfunctional with each other. We can cooperate and coexist.

To anon: write it. Write it just for you. Write it to make yourself feel better, and write it to stick it in the eye of everyone who’s made you feel bad about it. When you feel powerless, doing it anyway is the power that you have, and you don’t need anyone to give it to you; it’s yours entirely.

I’m sorry this took me so long to post back to you. As you can see I wrote a little more than I initially expected to, and it took a while. If it makes you feel even a little bit better to read it, then it was worth it.

Thanks so much for your ask, for your patience, and for your respect. I hope next time you want to drop me an ask, it’s in happier times.

#dogsled replies #wank for ts #incest mention for ts #this is a multiship blog #ship and let ship #purity culture can eat my whole entire ass #but tagging is important

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adelia-adelia · 6 years

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Number | minho - l.mh - straykids

Type: Artist au!

Paring: minho x female reader

Chapter atmosphere: fluff , angst ( just a bit :) )

Summary: after having your fiancé (boy friend of three years) cheat on you , you hadn’t had any inspiration. You had many blank canvases.

Lately you had been more exhausted then usual. Your creativity , of course , wasn’t there and your mind was clouded with thoughts of how things would be if it were different. “Y/n , you need to leave this apartment , you’ve stayed in here for too long!” Aiko sighed , she slapped your shoulder and glared at you “leave this apartment tonight with me. I’ll take you out to dinner , please?” “I mean I won’t say no to free food,” “good , I’ll pick you up at 7?” “Sure but where would we even go?” You lay back onto the sofa , turning your head to the tv to watch whatever was on. “I’ll make it a surprise...just wear something that has a statement!” She squealed excitedly. You smiled up at her and she returned it with a grin. “Well your favourite non-human has to go shopping so ill be going now,” you stood up to hug aiko before she gathered her things and left the apartment with her cheery attitude.

“Do I have anything worth being called expensive or do I need to go shopping too?” You walked to your closet and tossed out clothes as you went through them all.

After a half hour or so you decided to go shopping since your closet had nothing but casual and boring stuffed in it. “What’s an expensive clothing store that’s affordable yet classy?..right-“ you looked around the mall and heaved a heavy sigh “-there are none. It’s go big or go home I guess,” fixing your white blouse you walked into a designer building.

“Hello miss , how may I help you?” “I’m looking for a dress,” “any idea on what style or colour you’d like?” You thought for a few second before looking at the young girl and replying back. “I think black...would you mind if you showed me all black dresses in the shop?” “Of course not , right this way miss,” kidney she showed you to a dressing room and before you knew it she came back with three racks of black dresses. “Would you like help with choosing a look? I’d be more then happy to help you,” “it’s fine , I know you’ll have other customers to take care of. Thank you though,” “it’s alright,” she walked off with a polite smile and before you knew it you had spent an hour trying dresses on.

You suddenly picked up a dress on the third rack and your eyes were open wide, you were in awe. The design was just breath taking , it wasn’t as flashy as the others yet not too bland. It was a simple off shoulder with a not too low v cut in the front , it was long and sprawled out on the floor a little with a slit going up to your thigh. You caught yourself staring in the mirror for quite a while as you took in how beautiful the dress was. You heard a knock on the side with the sound of the young girls voice , “sorry to interrupt , did you find a dress to your liking?” Without saying a word you moved the curtain out of the way and walked out to look at her , her eyes were wide and jaw dropped “oh my , you look extravagantly beautiful in that piece!” You smiled and looked down as you playing with your hair “thank you,”. “May I ask for a twirl?” You nodded and did a small twirl in the dress , she smiled widely and nodded “that really is the dress for you,” “I’ll take it then,” “would you like to buy shoes to match? Or maybe a purse too? If you’d like I can give you a discount, only because I like you,” she giggled “sure,” you smiled.

You left the mall with two bags and a box of shining heels. You ended up buying new undergarments as you felt the need after buying such a beautiful dress. You got home and began to get ready. You curled your hair into big loose curls that cascaded down your shoulders , your make up was pretty plain , a cat eye and red lip. You looked in the mirror and were happy with the result. You placed ₩20,000 in your purse just in case with your single apartment key and phone.

It was only a matter of time before aiko messaged that she was outside the apartment waiting outside her car. On your way down you got quite a lot of complements on your look. Making it outside you heard aiko whistle “you look great! Oh my gosh...I’d go gay for you to be honest,” you both laughed , you looked at her outfit and she dressed in a maroon red dress that had lace to cover her upper chest and arms , the long sleeve dress hugged her body. “Someone’s equally hot,” you said looking her up and down. She rolled her eyes with a smile and got in the car. She drive off to the secret restaurant and all you could do was wait.

As you slowly made it to the drive way of the restaurant your jaw dropped and eyes went wide “what the fuck? This is like expensive as shit how do you even?!” “My man likes to spoil his babygirl so he gave me that schmoney,” aiko laughed. “Aiko you’re a blessing and I never want you to leave my life holy crap,” “I wouldn’t either,” she laughed.

Walking in, aiko told them that she had placed a reservation and they opened the door. You were guided to a table that was on the balcony and boy did you love the view , the glass let you see more and you couldn’t keep your eyes off the ocean. “I swear god sent you down here to be my guardian angel,” “he gave me a mission and I strive to fulfill it,” aiko laughed.

The waiter walked away after you both ordered and you stared at aiko. “How have you really been? I know that the break up with you know who was very wow so tell me , how are you?” Aiko gave you concerned yet calm look and you , for the one thousandth time, sighed. “I’ve been okay I guess , when I found out I didn’t really react in the way most people would...I was calm , almost okay with what happened?like I was ready to seperate from him without knowing...I don’t know how to explain it but I wasn’t crying hard like those girls in most dramas.” “It almost sounds like you didn’t care,” aiko giggled.

“Ever since that happened though I haven’t made a new piece, I’ve lost inspiration,” you explained she rested her chin on her palm and looked at you with interest. “Go on,” “I haven’t finished any of my projects and no matter how many times I go out to see something that’ll light that fire in me it just never works!” You exclaimed. “You will get it back , don’t worry. It’s just like that time in college when you were given a really bad grade and it clouded your mind for so long you couldn’t finish your piece , then you met him and you finished so many canvases that week,” “but that was a while ago , aiko,” “maybe you should come to Japan with me in a few months , my family is having a gathering and they wouldn’t mind to have you there. They basically know you as much as I do since you were all I talked about back then,” “it freaked me out how much you talked about me,” you both erupted into laughter.

You took a quick glance at everyone else who was in the restaurant and they all looked so happy and lively. “I’m glad no ones mad if we’re being too loud,” “they’re louder than us y/n , we’re fine,” aiko smiled.

Aikos eyes lit up and she smiled “Oh , here comes our food~” you chuckled at her cuteness and moved the little plate on the table aside. “Be careful , the plates hot too,” the waitor warned “too?” You asked , he placed his arm on your shoulder and winked at you. You couldn’t help but look down and play with your hair out of embarrassment. “Enjoy your meal , ladies,” he said as he walked off.

When you looked up you saw aiko staring at you with a face that’s already told you what she was going to say. “What was that?” “What was what?” You awkwardly asked back “he winked at you,” “I know,”. “Um let’s dig in?” “Fine...but I’m never going to let you forget this. He was cute too!” “Aiko-“ “-I wouldn’t mind having his babies!” “Oh my gosh” your hands covered your mouth as laughed. “We have to get his number , I will not let you leave this restaurant without catching that handsome mans number!” “Alright alright! Let’s just eat,” you laughed.

“I love food way too much...god dammit world! I’d rather be fat and happy then skinny and on diets all your life,” aiko grumbled “that was the best thing that’s ever been in my mouth,” “are you sure?” A voice said from behind you , you jumped in your seat and aiko raised her brow at him and replied “she’s waiting for something better,” “Oh?,” he smirked “Here is the bill,” the waitor placed the little paper on front of you and left with a bow. As you looked at it you saw that pen markings were on the back. “I can see it too. Turn it over,” aiko whispered , turning the paper over she smirked at you. “His number...” “that you are going to call tonight.” “Aiko I don’t want to seem desperate!” Your face was flushed.

“Also , your welcome for replying back to him. The whole ‘ best thing in your mouth ‘ was fun but dirty!” “Thank you?”. You both stood up and left after aiko paid. “Once again , thank you,” “anything for you babe!” Aiko said while laughing .”you drive home I’ll grab a taxi,” “it’s fine I can drop you , y/n,” “no it’s okay , you’ve already done enough for me anyway,” you smiled at her. She hummer and nodded “okay , just make sure you stay safe! I love you,” “go home , I’m sure your man is waiting , and I love you too!” You both laughed and waved goodbye.

As you waited in the cold air with the only source of light coming from outside the restaurant and the moon you shivered. “Cold?” You turned around to see the same waitor as before next to you “just a little,” you replied. “Minho by the way,” “y/n,” you smiled. “Sorry if I was too much back there,” “do you do that to every woman in the restaurant?” You asked “of course not!” He gasped , you laughed amused by his outburst “I picked you as a player type,” “I’m hurt,” he clutched his chest. “I thought you would still be working , what happened?” “I faked feeling sick and was let off early because I saw someone leaving,” “ah,”.

“Did you get it?” “Your number?” “Actually it’s my friends number , he was just too shy to talk to you that he made me do everything,” you stood in awkward silence “oh,” “I’m just kidding , yeah it’s my number. I hope you call later or something,” “maybe, if I’m not busy with my boyfriend,” “you’re already taken? Oh man,” “kidding. Got you back,” you smirked , laughing he nodded “that was good,”.

“So minho , let’s say....if I were into you , would it be okay to ask your age?” “Well , if you were into me and asked for my age I would reply with , 21,” “I’m also 21,” you chuckled. “Well y/n if I were into you , would it be okay to ask you on a date?” “Well , if you were into me I would take that into mind and say yes,” “you already have my number , it’s only fair if I have yours am I right?” “Correct.” You got your phone out and typed in his number , sending a little ‘ hello ‘ then saving his number as Minho.

You heard a ping , saving your number he smiled. “I’ll text you my address and you should reply with where we’re going and what time you are going to pick me up,” “got it.” You both locked eyes and smiled. “Oh! Why don’t I drop you off? I have a car,” “will I be murdered?” “Of course you will,” you giggled and rolled your eyes “you’re safe and sound with me so don’t worry, besides who would kill a gorgeous lady like you?” You smiled and he lead the way to his car.

The ride to your apartment was full of laughter and talking. You both asked questions and got to know a little more about each other.

It has been three months since that night and all you could say is a big thank you to aiko. If she didn’t take you out to that expensive restaurant you would have never met your boyfriend Minho and would never have gotten your inspiration back.

Tbh I rlly like this one ^ I’m sorry if there’s any errors since I literally typed this all out at 1 am haha. Thank you if you enjoyed this one shot :)

#straykids minho #minho #lee minho #lee know #jyp stray kids #stray kids

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abadpoetwithdreams · 7 years

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Nirvana in Fire Episode 3 Reaction

I’m back with more long-winded babbling about this incredibly complicated show! I mean that as a good thing–this plot has so many plates spinning at once, and so many layers of character interaction, and it’s all done really well and we haven’t even really started yet! This is still just setting the stage! By the end of this episode, however, it feels like things are actually getting ready to kick off more. The basic foundation that we need of who all these people are and what their agendas are is firmly established and now we are ready to see where the story goes. Or not ready? Ready in the mind but not in the heart.

Note: this reaction is really just a glorified recap. I tried shortening it because, uh, LONG, but this episode is SO FULL OF IMPORTANT EXPOSITION that I couldn’t really comment on my reaction to any one thing without having to contextualize it with other things, and any of the few seemingly non-important things were all really fun character bits so I want to talk about them and. Um. I guess I’ll alternate how I format my reaction posts between more streamlined bulletpoint reactions and long-winded recapping depending on episode content.

Also! This was the last episode I watched where I took any kind of notes until episode like 12 (I’m on ep 17 now guys help but I’m holding off watching more so I can write these. Barely). When I write up eps 4-11 I’ll keep my later knowledge from coloring what I remember my initial responses to be as much as possible.

(And a HUGE thank you to everyone who has welcomed me to this fandom and to those of you who have sent me feedback on my recaps and helpful commentary! I LOVE THIS SHOW. I will reply to your comments in a separate post because I want to foster this dialogue, because I LOVE THIS SHOW and want to talk about it! So thanks, guys, don’t hesitate to send me messages or whatever, every one of them makes my day!)

We resume the story in this episode exactly where we left off in the last one (as seems to be the norm with this show): with Ni Huang and Lin Shu–I mean, Mei Chang Su–I mean, let’s be real he’s always Lin Shu whenever Ni Huang is around–ok let’s start over. We resume the story with a slave child getting beaten by a eunuch. When the eunuch realizes the boy has a book on him, his rage only increases, but I’m immediately interested because this slave can read?? Hm.

The eunuch taunts the boy, telling him the fact that Prince Jing favors him does not protect him because no one likes Jing, lol. But Chang Su instantly looks even more interested in the scene, and speaking of Jing, he comes running up, and insists the eunuch stop hitting the kid. The eunuch responds by listing the boy’s punishable offenses (among them “talking back” and like lol did you forget which Prince you’re talking to??? I’m pretty sure all you did was make Jing high5 this kid mentally) and trying to pull rank via the Empress, but while Jing just stands there tongue-tied and stormy like he seems to be a lot (I really love him and his Serious-Sad-Grumpy face) Ni Huang interrupts by WHIPPING THE EUNUCH FROM LIKE SIX FEET AWAY.

Have I said I adore Ni Huang? Because I adore Ni Huang. I love how she uses her popularity and power to sort of defend Jing. Based on the last two episodes we can see what a good match she is for Lin Shu, as she is brilliant and charming and you can see how they click intellectually (even as he tries to disguise himself from her, their minds work together too easily) but here we can also see what a good partnership she has with Jing. I don’t mean romantically. I just mean she is exactly the friend he needs. “Thank you for your help, but I can handle a servant,” he tells her gravely. No, Jing. You can’t. It’s adorable. While Ni Huang kindly explains to Jing about how politics works, Chang Su, who has been watching this all with poorly concealed heart eyes, hurries over to comfort the boy and ask his name. THAT gets the immediate attention of the other two. Jing looks worried as he suddenly remembers that Chang Su is there. Iiiiiiiiinteresting.

The boy’s name is Ting Sheng, and he’s eleven. The big battle that killed Lin Shu’s father? Happened twelve years ago. Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinteresting.

Jing doesn’t seem pleased at this line of questioning. Chang Su looks startled when Jing speaks up, like he was so interested in this kid he had forgotten he was not alone. Whenever he looks surprised about something or like he’s scrambling about something I can’t help but wonder if it’s legit or if he’s just playing what he wants the others to see. This time, it looks genuine to me but he recovers fast.

Meanwhile, back at the tournament, the Crown Prince and Prince Yu look bored out of their minds because Chang Su isn’t around for them to fawn over. As soon as they realize he isn’t coming back, they ditch. I know that doesn’t sound funny on paper, but trust me, it’s funny as heck. I love these actors so much. Their mannerisms as they squabble (both when they’re actually arguing and just in the tension whenever they’re near each other) are hysterically funny, but their power and motivations in the story are very serious, so they remain formidable opponents for our Hero With Three Names. It’s a wonderful balance that the show’s writing and these actors manage to achieve, and I am enjoying it a lot.

(I hope Yu Jin and Jing Rui can relax and have a bit more fun now that those two have left the premises, btw. I want only happiness for those sweethearts. Ha. Haha. Don’t mock me in your replies to this, fandom. I know it’s a foolish hope. Don’t crush my dreams, not this early in the show.)

Back with our dream team, Jing is suspicious of Chang Su. In this whole conversation, Ni Huang plays an intriguing role in both supporting Jing but also defending Chang Su. Chang Su asks Jing why he cares about this boy. Jing, after an uncomfortable pause, says the kid is literate and his mother was a disgraced woman who could read and so Jing feels bad for him and that’s all. And okay, granted, I haven’t been given enough time yet to get to know Jing very well, but what I do know is that he is a TERRIBLE liar. Even Ni Huang looks like she feels a bit sorry for him. I believe what he’s saying–up to a point. But no way does Jing care just because this kid wasn’t born a peasant. There’s more to this for sure.

Chang Su offers to help teach the boy how to read, as I guess he is technically literate but not very good at comprehension yet. The boy is excited, but Jing seems even more unhappy at the attention Chang Su is showing the kid. Poor Jing. Learn to stop wearing your unhappiness on your sleeve, man.. Be like Ni Huang. Everyone should be like Ni Huang.

Then we get some exposition courtesy of our favourite princess, explaining that as a slave Ting Sheng cannot come and go freely, and only a decree from the Emperor could free him, but not only does the Emperor never free slaves, he dislikes even the suggestion that he free them. Thus Jing, who is already on dangerously thin ice in court, has had to keep quiet on the subject, which also explains his worry at Chang Su shaking things up. Our sneaky drama boy just smiles and says he’ll think of something. Attaboy, Shu.

Jing asks aggressively why Chang Su is so very interested in helping this kid, Chang Su replies with what I can already tell is his patented “I’m sorry could you repeat that I can’t hear you over the sound of my illness and harmlessness” smile. Hilariously, Ni Huang then cuts in to turn the question back on poor Jing. Chang Su’s smile turns just a shade smugger at that. He’s got to control himself around Ni Huang. She already clearly suspects him, and he’s only been around her for like ten minutes.

Anyway, I’ve spent way too much time on this scene because I loved it so much (I love these three people so to see them all spar together for the first time was super fun) but the scene ends with Jing walking away with the boy and looking quite adorable as he does, and saying he will wait and see what Chang Su does. And Ni Huang continues to be very intrigued by Chang Su.

Back at the tournament, Ni Huang’s baby brother arranges to have one of his men test Chang Su somehow because he’s alarmed that this strange scholar has been getting friendly with his sister. It’s hilarious that this brother thinks that Ni Huang needs protecting, but also that’s very sweet of him. I guess.

The show is unnecessarily cruel by having the old Dowager’s calling to Lin Shu play as VO as Chang Su walks pensively out of the palace. I’m never getting over that scene. But then he gets attacked by baby brother’s man and doesn’t so much as blink when the soldier charges because Fei Liu is there to save him! THIS KID. He is all ready to Hulk Smash the soldier, but Chang Su almost amusedly makes sure he doesn’t. (Side note: The attacker mentions Chang Su looks weak. I can’t help but wonder more and more if Shu is frustrated about how his body has (apparently?) failed him, leaving him with only his mind and charisma as weapons against the people who wronged his family? Since he’s such a great thinker, I am assuming he must have been a prodigy in warfare as well when he was younger. Since filial piety is a huge thing for his culture (basically virtue #1 if I remember my Chinese studies from college accurately) I am guessing a major motivation for him isn’t just revenge for his sake but for his father’s sake somehow. That’s a huge task he has set up for himself, but his means to accomplish it have been very handicapped, and meanwhile all these other characters get big action sequences and stunts and he just has to. Stand there. And smile blandly. And bury every part of himself that IS himself deep down inside. Related to this, I wonder if the actor himself found it frustrating at times how he just has to dress up and stand in the background of all the fun wirework scenes, lol. Maybe he gets to let loose a bit more later in the series. I have no idea.)

But things only get REALLY interesting here when who shows up but that general I liked last episode!! He’s still great, and dismisses the soldier angrily: “You’re not leaving yet? Are you waiting around to have a meal with me?” -best burn of this show so far, oh my gosh.

BUT THEN.

“It’s been twelve years. You’ve finally made your way back.”

!!!!!!

HE KNOWS WHO CHANG SU REALLY IS.

Not only that, but they apparently were corresponding for five years now, and he is worried because he had repeatedly warned Lin Shu that it would be too dangerous for him to return. But, now that he’s here, he’s 200% ready to do whatever Lin Shu wants and to help him do whatever it is he’s trying to do in whatever way he can. This guy is an AMAZING friend. And, given his high status in the palace as the head of the guard, from what I can tell, he’s an immensely valuable ally. I’m so glad!! I’m honestly also surprised, as I did not expect people to start recognizing Lin Shu as early as episode 3..

(“I’m finally home,” Lin Shu says, and ugh, isn’t that depressing.)

Also, it’s confirmed that he planned to have Fei Liu attack the general so that would serve as their sneaky introduction, because Lin Shu is ridiculously dramatic. Was he always this way, or is that just one of the ways falling off a cliff Mufasa-style changes a soul?

They arrange to meet at his house on Jing Rui’s dad’s estate that night(it’s called Snow Cottage, apparently? Cute name) to talk more freely. Cut to that night: Ni Huang is furious at her brother for his horrible attempt at protecting her. The actor who plays her brother plays the character as so much more casual and spontaneous than 99% of the characters on this show, and it makes him seem both very likable and very young. Don’t hurt him, show. Pls.

Ni Huang explains that Chang Su isn’t just a random scholar friend of Jing Rui’s: he’s the lord of that Eastern Yangtze Alliance and he sent tactical help once when she and her brother were having difficulty defeating their enemy at some battle. She’s convinced there’s more to him than meets the eye.

Then we cut to mister mysterious himself, who has fallen asleep sitting in his chair all wrapped up in his robes and then if that isn’t cute enough Fei Liu hurries up to tuck furs over him and I nearly died from this cuteness squared. Then, alas, the moment is ruined by the arrival of the general–Commander General Meng, actually, seems to be his name proper. Fei Liu still hates him because of their fight, and Meng is concerned that Lin Shu is burning coals in a brazier even though it isn’t that cold. Remember: he’s sickly. The show keeps throwing up little “HE IS UNWELL” flags like this, but so far there isn’t any evidence really of what exactly is wrong with him beyond his restraint in action and his apparent sensitivity to cold. I’m guessing this is planting seeds for episodes to come.

Something else that jumps out at me is that for the first time Lin Shu admits he isn’t 100% sure of what his plan is. He has obviously planned ahead a LOT (he did have 12 years to scheme, after all), but there is a certain amount of winging it that seems to be happening, too. Part of the fun of this show so far is trying to figure out how much of what happens is Lin Shu influencing events 20 moves ahead like a chess master, and how much is him being very adaptable and fast on his feet with strategy.

Meng insists on being Lin Shu’s ally in whatever he’s doing and will continue to pretend they don’t know each other well. He is apparently this loyal because he was part of the Lin army at some point. He asks how many people survived the battle. Shu says as far as people Meng would recognize goes, it’s only him and someone called Wei Zheng. I don’t think we’ve been introduced yet?

Meng then asks what happened in the battle. YES. TELL US THIS.

Flashback time!!!! … It shows nothing we haven’t seen before, though. Dangit. But when we cut back to Shu’s face, he’s got actual tears in his eyes and it’s all very intense. Poor boy is still traumatized, seemingly. And angry. He tells Meng he’ll reveal all when the time is right. I want to argue that the time could be right right now, but oh well. I can wait. Maybe.

Meng agrees, because he is a Good Friend and can see how the topic affects Shu. Then he basically asks for orders, and I guess we will find out what those are later! Next day, Yu Jin and Jing Rui are leaving for the tournament and are greeted at the door by literal wagonloads of gifts from Prince Yu and the Crown Prince. This got a good laugh out of me, I love how their very serious rivalry manifests in absurdity at least in this stage of the game. I also love Jing Rui’s frogface expression of “I am not amused but secretly I rather am.” Protect him, show. I’m worried about how close his story is tied with Chang Su.

Montage time! Jing Rui looks splendid in his fight at the tournament, and Yu Jin actually looks almost as good! They’re both great fighters despite being so laid-back, and that makes me love them even MORE. “You could have won with 58 stances, but you had to stall until the 65th to show off your gorgeous pose,” Jing Rui tells a very, very pleased with himself Yu Jin, and it’s so Good. Just. I want these two to run far away. Now.

Btw, I’m assuming they’re in the tournament to try to take two of those top ten spots, not because they actually want to marry Ni Huang. I’m pretty sure it’s established she could defeat them in combat anyway.

There’s a brief shot of a giant hairy wall of a man who is winning his bouts by punching out swordsmen. I am guessing he will be important as the tournament progresses. Oh, and the boys do get spots in the final two. Yay! I’m very proud of them.

The emperor is pleased that most of the final ten are not foreigners and thus make his kingdom look good. The lady who I think is the Crown Prince’s mother tries to coyly convince the emperor to favor a candidate she likes, but he replies that the Empress has already asked the same thing, just for another candidate. Ha. He then says that it doesn’t matter anyway because he’s not going to judge the exams: some random impartial scholar Ni Huang recommended is going to.

Good Lord, Emperor. You are making a mistake. It’s almost pitiful how wrong you are.

(I am distracted throughout this scene by how beautiful the woman’s eye makeup is. I tend to paint my eyes exactly those colors when I do my own eye makeup, so I feel vindicated. I guess it’s the Chinese ancestry in me coming out in mysterious ways.)

Chang Su’s reaction to the news he is to grade the exams is curious to me. I don’t know for sure, obviously–but it looks like the wheels start spinning very quickly in his head. I feel like Ni Huang requesting him as the examiner was a power move on her part; I do not think he was expecting it and now he has to adapt fast. I could be wrong. But I think his question of “how does the emperor know about me?” is him genuinely thinking out loud. Did he not plan on being this conspicuous this fast?

The giant man at the tournament is Baili Qi, and he is from Northern Yan, so outside the kingdom. This is problematic, because he totally demolishes another one of the finalists in a single punch, leaving the three boys (Ni Huang’s little brother, and the duo) thunderstruck. I LOVED Yu Jin’s tentative “maybe we could beat him together?”/Jing Rui’s incredulous face/Yu Jin conceding that nah, they’re toast. These two. I believe in you guys! Defeat him with the power of friendship!

The Emperor is LIVID. Marrying Ni Huang off to a former enemy would strengthen that enemy with her considerable following and would potentially embolden them to new war. He asks the Princes for a solution, and for once they are dead silent. Meng says when asked that he does not think Ni Huang can defeat Baili Qin, but I wonder if he has something up his sleeve here because he looks a little shifty, and in his nighttime meeting with Chang Su he did ask for orders … He looks uncharacteristically calculating as he watches the princes, is all I’m saying.

Meanwhile, Ni Huang’s little bro (whose name I must learn) is even MORE LIVID. He is acting like he is the one that’s getting married, lollllll.

Ni Huang, however, seems weirdly calm until she asks gently, with a pensive smile: “Do you know what a perfect match is?”

AAAAAAND CUT TO MEI CHANG SU.

I live for obvious editing like that. It was very satisfying. Oh this sad couple.

Now here comes what feels like one of the most important scenes in an episode filled with important scenes (this show is ridiculously dense, guys. I can’t believe I’m only on 3?????): a long bit of exposition explaining the significance of Jing Rui’s name. Told by a gleeful Yu Jin. Can he do all exposition for this show? He’s so fun.

I’m not ashamed to say I rewatched this scene twice to make sure I followed, because it just feels like such an important story I don’t want to be confused ten or twenty episodes on. But basically: Jing Rui was named so to mark him as being related to the Imperial family. This is because (I THIIINK) his mother is the current emperor’s sister??? HOWEVER. When he was born, there was a plague or something that made it necessary for his mother to leave the palace and go to some remote area for her safety. Because the princess is a kind person, she let another traveling pregnant woman (who I guess is from a powerful family in her own right but is not royalty) stay in the same place while she was there, and they became friends. They also ended up going into labor at the same time, and birthing sons the same stormy night. During the storm, however, the lights were doused and in the confusion the babies were misplaced so when the lights were restored, no one could be certain which boy belonged to which mother. This problem was compounded when one of the infants died the next day. So each family had equal claim to the living baby. Instead of solving this problem like Solomon would have done, the Emperor just declared Jing Rui is the son of both families, so he has two moms and two dads I guess but he only lives with one set of parents? Anyway his name signifies that. So it could confuse foreigners into thinking he is the emperor’s son, which we see borne out when one of the Northern Yan delegation bribes a eunuch to find out this whole story.

In addition, him being the son of both families has bound his families together into one big happy family??? The son of one set of parents has married the daughter of the other set and it’s all very confusing but Jing Rui seems comfortable so ok. I don’t know if I’ve met both his sets of parents. I know I’ve seen the princess and the Marquis … Xie? Something like that. Roundish face, beard. But I don’t remember seeing a Zhou or Jing Rui interacting with a Zhou, so. Hmmmmmm.

This story is too detailed. It’s gotta come back to bite us later. I don’t know how, but I’m already upset.

Jing Rui plans to challenge Baili Qi at the feast for the final ten suitors, in hopes of injuring him enough that Ni Huang will be able to beat him. He’s so pure. Ni Huang’s brother bursts into the manor like a breath of fresh air and literally drags Chang Su away, babbling at him about how he trusts Chang Su to defeat Baili Qi and totally steamrolling Chang Su’s attempts to keep his usual reserved and polite man of mystery facade intact. The unspoken rule of this show is that everyone hangs of Chang Su’s every word; Ni Huang’s brother just cuts him off mid-sentence lol. Arguably the best-delivered line of the episode: “If you can’t handle him, I’d have to have him beaten up.”

And then! Chang Su! Is announced! In the palace! Well, it’s his other fake name but whatever. He walks in and Ni Huang looks very pleased with herself and the theeeeeme music plaaaaaaays

The music feels very internalized. This moment isn’t important to anyone except Lin Shu right now but it’s SO important to him, so–MUSIC.

I also got a bit giddy at this whole scene because the camera keeps cutting to show all these characters gathered in one place and it was like–oh. OH. Everyone is here. Our major players are here. The game is officially started. It was a pretty cool moment.

And he gets to sit next to Ni Huang, so he’s already winning. And so is she, judging by the look on her face XD

Prince Yu suggests the finalists duel each other as entertainment. The Crown Prince, of course, immediately bounces up to argue against this idea, but hilariously in the middle of his pompous speech he notices Chang Su ever so slightly shake his head: no. The lame, stuttering backtrack the Crown Prince clumsily manages is beautiful to behold, and Yu looks very smug. Both princes seem to think Chang Su is helping them, which I feel like might lead to problems later, but for now Lin Shu is just having fun with playing them both like a couple of bratty, red-gold fiddles.

Oh, and intercut with this is the harem of Emperor concubines (is harem the right term here? Idk. You know what I mean) discussing Ni Huang’s upcoming marriage, but it isn’t that interesting a scene so I’m glossing over it. It just reinforces that the emperor’s actual wife and favourite concubine hate each other and are playing power games of their own, trying to one-up each other. Meanwhile, Jing Rui’s mother is both angelically lovely AND angelically nice, apparently. I really like this actress’s voice.

Ok but enough of that scene. At the feast, the emperor happily agrees to this idea to have the men fight, and good ol Jing Rui immediately jumps up to challenge Baili Qi. Ni Huang watches keenly, but Chang Su is seemingly entirely absorbed in peeling a tangerine, this jerk. He is having waaaaay too much fun with this.

To be fair, tangerine peeling is a task that requires 100% attention. Gotta get rid of all those white fibers that stick to the segments.

Jing Rui gets into this amazing stance that almost kills me from how pretty it is, and then–fight, fight, fight! This is my favourite bit of combat of the entire show so far (admittedly there hasn’t been THAT much fighting anyway) because of the contrasting choreography. The styles are very distinct and the camerawork is so smooth. I also feel SO BAD for those actors, because filming complex choreographed sequences while wearing all that fake hair and layers of satin and silk must be the WORST. I would know; I’m an Irish dancer.

While Jing Rui easily looks the faster and more disciplined fighter, however, it’s like he’s hitting a wall; Baili Qi is simply too strong. So our boy ends up only barely holding his own, much to the Liang crowd’s distress. Except for Chang Su, who still only looks mildly interested as he chews what looks like the entire tangerine in his mouth. This jerk. I love him so much. No one is even watching him and he’s still gotta be extra.

Yu Jin, worried about his friend, calls out that for the match to be really fair, Jing Rui should have a sword, because that’s what he usually fights with; he’s not a brawler like Baili Qi. The emperor nods, and so Meng CHUCKS A SWORD AT JING RUI. I would not feel like that was a greaaaat help if I was him, but Jing Rui has much better reflexes than I do and so he does this fantastic flip-kick-the-sword-into-the-air stunt and tries to maneuver Baili Qi under it. Alas, he forgets that he is not the stronger of the two, and Baili Qi easily spins so Jing Rui is under the sword instead. In the nick of time, however, Jing Rui snatches the sword out of the air BEHIND HIS BACK and presses to the attack. Once again, however, Baili Qi wins the upper hand and manages to both snatch the sword from Jing Rui AND send Jing Rui flying into a table, smashing into and over it and scattering fruit everywhere.

(“Oh no, the tangerines!” Chang Su says for the benefit of anyone listening, or at least I’m headcanoning this is his reaction offscreen. In the wide shot literally NOBODY ELSE in this entire hall is eating except him. Extra funny: he looks like he’s having issues swallowing that ridiculously large mouthful of fruit he took earlier. He needs to curb that part of him that likes Drama, because if he wants to be inconspicuous he shouldn’t be so obviously flagging that he’s impartial and uninterested here, good lord. LOOK AT ME IM SO NOT WORTH LOOKING AT, he screams. I wonder if he was a prankster growing up, as he seems to get a prankster’s delight out of stuff like this. It isn’t all grim and dark on his journey to do whatever it is he’s doing. Not yet, anyway. I still don’t trust his friendship with the boys. And he’s already manipulating the heck out of everyone, including Ni Huang–although that latter might be a mistake, because she clearly knows something is Up with him.)

Before Baili Qi-with-sword (aka Baili Qi the Grim Reaper) can take Jing Rui out, however, the emperor yells for the fight to stop–and that’s the cliffhanger ending of this episode.

Will Baili Qi marry Ni Huang? (HA. As if.) Will Jing Rui be okay? (I have my doubts about the long run because he is Too Good, but for now I think he’s pretttttty safe.) Will Mei Chang Su manage to swallow that tangerine fast enough to say whatever it is he needs to say to spin this situation to his advantage? (50/50 chance on that one.) Only one way to find out–on to episode 4!

#badpoet watches #badpoet watches nif #nirvana in fire #long post #nirvana in fire episode 3

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topazshadowwolf · 7 years

Text

Troubles With Sleep

Day 2 of Soriel Week! The prompt is “sleep”, so get ready for some rad sleeping action! Also, I made an art, which you could find at the end!

An Undertale Fanfiction by: Topaz Shadowwolf Undertale is owned by: Toby Fox Relationships: Soriel Rating: Everyone Heads up: Mention of death

Troubles With Sleep

For the longest time, Toriel had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. At night, in the quiet hours in the Ruins, her mind would wander to the darker concepts in life. She would see and remember things she could and will never forget. Her mind tortured her with haunting memories of faces, pain, and cries for help; which chased her all-night long.

First, she would remember watching Chara, her beloved adopted child, slowly die an agonizing and horrible death. Nothing she did eased the suffering the innocent soul endured. No matter how much she wanted to take that burden on herself, she could not. After all the times, she promised the child that she would keep them safe, she was powerless to save them.

Then her son. Her dear, sweet son, who was the light of her life. His broken and blooded body was found collapsed and dying on the throne room floor. She remembers being there, by him, as he clung to the empty body of his dead sibling. Sobbing as her healing magic failed to do anything. Then breaking into a hysterical wail as he fell to dust. In the moment he needed her most, she failed him. Twice in one day she failed as a mother.

Asgore, also pained by the loss of his children, acted. While she mourned, he declared war on the humans. How he could do that, after loving and caring for Chara, was beyond her scope of understanding. For the next few days they yelled, argued, and refused to be near each other. For years upon years, he had always come to her for such decisions. She would talk to him, counsel him. And now? He turned from her, ignored her, and refused to listen to her reason; nor, would he back down. Even when she explained the idiocy of it, he did not relent. That was when she left. Turning her back on the one she had come to love with all her heart, and leaving him with his own choice of bloodshed.

Every human child, who fell, she cared for as long as they would stay with her. She made sure they had food, drink, bed, shelter, love, and new clothes for their growing bodies. But each one left. They each seemed to have a mission they were driven to complete. And every time, news filtered through of their deaths. For all of them, she felt her soul die a little more, and her ability to sleep diminished. She became cold, distant, and angry with the world and the monsters in it. Never again did she think she would find joy or happiness.

Even after moving to the surface, her sleep patterns hadn't improved. There was concerns at work, about human and monster relations, Asgore wanting her forgiveness, Frisk wanting her to forgive Asgore, and the wellbeing of Frisk. There was so much going on in her life, so much to think and worry about. There was hardly any time for sleep, and some nights she half spent sitting up, making lists of all she needed to do for handling upcoming events.

As if she didn’t already have enough to worry about, her mind would wander to the health of her one dear friend. The one monster who showed her how to laugh again while they were still underground. He had brightened up her life, day after day, visiting her door, telling her jokes and stories about life outside and his brother. And the day they finally met, and learned each other's names, was one of the greatest in her life.

It didn’t take her long to figure out that Sans didn't share her problem. He slept very easily, passing out at any moment. A few times he apologized for leaning on her in his sleep, but she didn't mind. In fact, she really enjoyed the feel of his weight on her side, the subtle movement of his ribs as he breathed, and the soft hum of his magic and soul.

If anything, it made her feel drowsy, which was something she hadn't felt in ages. Remembering this, a few times at night, she would imagine hugging him. Feeling him there, in her mind, and letting his deep voice chase the ill thoughts away. It seemed childish, and it was something she wouldn’t want to tell him; but, it helped.

This night it was not working. No matter how hard she tried, sleep would not come. She wanted to talk with him, and was considering calling him. But she knew that is silly, he would be in bed, asleep like she should be. Still, her insomnia was getting to her and she had to do something. Grabbing her phone and a stylus, she found her text conversation with Sans and send a quick message.

*We should meet tomorrow (or today, considering the time), I found a pretty puzzle we can put together. That is, of course, if you're not too busy with work. Hope I don't wake you, sleepy bones, and for a piece of your time tomorrow.

With it sent, she started reviewing their old back and forth joke telling. What she wasn't expecting was how quickly she received a reply.

*hey t, you're up late. sure, i can see you after work. noon good?

*So are you, I thought you’d be asleep. And yes, noon is perfect.

*k see you then.

She stared at her phone for a moment. It would be easy to dismiss it as him waking up to her text and being tired. Or that he was just up late with his brother for some reason. But it still bothered her that he didn’t reply with a single pun or joke. He didn’t even acknowledge the one she made. Frowning she decided to not let this slide.

*Alright, but Sans, what are you doing up?

There was a long pause, as the dots indicating he was responding appeared and disappeared multiple times. Finally, the reply came.

*what abt you?

That skeleton!

Toriel huffed and glared at her phone. How dare he flip her concern for him back on herself. He was deflecting, and unlike usual, not with a joke. Quickly, she wrote a new message.

*I am fine. You, though, fall asleep at the slightest lull in activity. I don't want you passing out more than normal, or sleeping at your job.

*i won't, t.

Toriel sighed. How would he know? He’ll most likely be so tired when he gets here, the moment she set the puzzle out he’d fall asleep. As she sat there fuming, he sent another message.

*sorry

Toriel looked at that word, confused; but more than that, she felt concerned. As far as she knew, there was nothing for him to be sorry about. Considering the times she has caught him looking, sounding, and acting melancholy, she couldn’t help but worry.

*For what, my friend?

*everything

*I’m not sure I understand what you mean.

*never mind, i should sleep, good night.

*Sans, are you alright?

He took a moment to reply.

*nyes

He then quickly corrected.

*yes

*I’m calling.

The dots of him replying quickly popped up, but she didn't wait to see. She flipped over to her contact list, selected his name and called. He let it ring a while before answering.

“hey, t.”

“What did you mean by ‘everything?’” Toriel asked.

“it's nothing, don't worry about it,” there was such a heaviness in his tone.

“I don't believe you, what's wrong?” She persisted, saddened to hear him like that.

“i,” he started, but stopped, so she waited. Experience has taught her that it sometimes takes him a moment to collect his thoughts, especially when he was going to talk about something he normally wouldn’t. From the other end, she heard a shuddering sigh before he continued, “i’m prone to nightmares. and i was awake when you texted because of a pretty bad one. just left me rattled, heh.”

It is rare for him to open like that, and she knew better than to point out that he sounded distressed. “I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“thanks tori, but it's fine, really. you should sleep, and i should get back to sleep.”

She sat there for a moment, knowing this skeleton all too well to just accept that answer, “If I were to hang up, would you go to sleep again?”

His silence answered that. He had nothing to say, because he knew she wouldn’t like the answer. Though, if he was prone to nightmares, like he said, perhaps that is why he is always falling asleep during the day. The sleep needed isn’t being achieved at night.

“If I say I will try going to sleep, could you try as well?” Toriel asked.

“sure, tori,” he said. There was some humor there, but still, the heaviness was present. They then wished each other goodnight, and hung up.

Toriel did get some sleep, but it wasn’t much. The next morning, she got up, made breakfast, and then walked Frisk to their friend’s house to play. It was nice when Frisk could have days like this, to just be a child. If it were possible, she would go back in time and stop Asgore from putting so much responsibility on the poor child’s shoulders. She was unsure how he could not see that Frisk was too young for a job like that.

As she walked home, she thought back to the shared issue with sleep. That is when she got a brilliant idea, but she would need a little help to do it right. Pulling out her cell phone, she knew just who to call.

After hanging up with Toriel, Sans did go back to sleep, only to wake up again. He had another two hours before his alarm would go off and he doubted he would sleep yet again.

…

His alarm woke him, so he must have drifted off at some point. Unwilling to get up, he rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling, debating calling in sick. But, if he did, he’d feel guilty that he skipped work and then hung out with Tori. Pap needs the money for school, food, and housing costs.

In the underground, Sans had multiple jobs to pay for the house. So far, he managed to find just one-person willing to hire his boney butt on the surface, and they only took him on part time. Right now, the brothers were getting by on savings and what little Sans can earn. As for Papyrus, Sans would rather work himself to the bone and let his bro focus on his studies, and not worry about a job or money.

Closing his eye sockets and rubbing his face, he really didn’t want to get up. His second alarm went off and he finally rose from his bed and grabbed his uniform. He then set on his bed and stared at, with the enthusiasm of any resident of Snowdin who had the ‘pleasure’ to spend the day with Jerry.

At his third alarm, Sans finally got dressed, and exited his room before the fourth - ‘hurry up and get ready now’ - alarm went off. He grabbed a breakfast bar, his jacket, and left.

Sans’ job was simple. Either he was taking orders, handling money, and passing off the food; or he quickly prepared food for waiting customers. This early in the day, what was cooked mostly consisted of eggs and bacon. It was a small, non-chain, food joint, that Papyrus wouldn’t want to work or eat at. Not that different than his hotdog stand in Hotlands or even Grillby’s, really.

When his shift ended, he made his way to Tori’s, feeling more defeated than he did when he started the day. Dealing with some of the customers dampened his mood, immensely. And there were so many disgruntled humans there today, that his coworkers agreed he should stay in back for food prep, leaving the customers to them.

Once at Toriel’s house, he walked up to the door and sighed, glancing down at his clothes. He could smell work on himself. He should have swung by home first, even if it made him late. But he said noon. What he really should do is just tell her he's feeling sick and go home. Unsure if he should talk or text, he stared at the door.

Well, he was here, might as well talk.

He knocked twice on the door and hear a voice from inside call, “Who’s there?”

“no bell”

“No bell who?”

“did i win the nobel prize?”

Toriel laughed as she opened the door to let him in. Hearing her voice was all he needed to have his day brightened, and his final decision was to stay. When he walked in he was about to go to the table, where he was sure the jigsaw puzzle would be waiting, but what he saw in the family room caught his attention. Blankets were propped up on chairs and the sofa to form a tent like structure. It was rather big, bigger than any blanket fort he or Papyrus ever made.

“frisk make that?” Sans asked, admiring the effort.

“Actually, I did. I don't know about you, but I’m still tired from last night,” Toriel stepped closer and placed one of her large paws on his shoulder. It was warm with her magic naturally flowing through it, like the life blood of humans. He wanted to look up at her as she spoke, but his eyes were transfixed on the soft, shimmering fur, and the elegant opalescent claws at the end of each finger.

“uh, yeah, same,” was his less than dignified response.

“So, I thought we would relax, maybe watch a movie and rest or nap instead. After all, I tried reading this morning but my tired eyes kept blurring the words,” Toriel continued. Sans glanced up at her face, seeing that beautiful smile of hers aimed at him.

To this change of events, he wasn't sure what to say. “ok,” was the best he could muster. He then remembered he was in his work clothes, “i could head home and change, it won't take long, I know a shortcut.”

“No need, my dearest friend,” she said as her hand left his shoulder. Curious he trailed after her when Toriel moved further into the house. “For you see,” she said before picking up a duffel bag, “someone told me long ago about a wonderful and sweet monster. And he was more than willing to gather some things for you.”

Sans stared at the bag being offered to him. It was his old bag, teal blue with grey accents, that he used when he was attending college underground. He would pack it and take it with him when he would to be away a few days. He took and opened it to find a set of pajamas and some wash clothes just under a well-used book.

“Oh? What’s that?” Toriel asked.

“a bedtime classic at our house. so, if this is what we’re going to do, let’s get ready, settle back, and join fluffy bunny in his adventures,” Sans looked up at Toriel. She was an amazing friend, and Papyrus, obviously, the coolest bro.

Papyrus must have bought the pajamas after Toriel called him, as Sans hadn’t owned a pair since reaching adulthood. That, and the obvious hint was the tag still being on them. Sans had gone in the bathroom to clean up, which didn’t take long. When he walked out, he joined Toriel in the blanket and pillow fort. The two cuddled next to each other while he read. Just like at home with Papyrus, Toriel was asleep soon after the story finished. As Sans laid there, next to the most beautiful woman he could ever hope to be near, he wished that this moment would last the rest of his life. They had been friends for so long, hanging out together as often as possible. They had been getting closer, but they have only really ‘hung out.’ They were impromptu dates, but it would be nice to make it more official. Perhaps, if he still has the nerves to, when he wakes he’ll ask her out on a proper date.

#sorielweek #sorielweek2017 #undertale #fanfiction #soriel #sleeping is rad #I love sleep #I sleep way to much #I need sleep #like right now #no i don't #well #maybe #anyway #i hope you enjoy

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fanficcollection · 7 years

Text

Tumblr-Girl (Part 2)

Tumblr – Girl (Series)

Part 1 Part 3 Masterlist

Pairing: Misha Collins x reader Summary: the day after the first conversation Word Count: 1.913 Warnings: panic attack, angst, depression, mental illness, self doubt

Notes: it is my first ever fanfic and I am not a English native speaker so please don’t hate me, I hope you like the idea, there at least some more parts to come. :) IMPORTANT: I’m looking for someone like a beta-reader (since I’m not an English-native-speaker there are (probably) loads of mistakes in my texts as well as some ideas seem better in my mind than in the text, so you know what a beta-reader does, don’t you? Just shoot me a message if you want to help me with my texts

Now enjoy the second chapter ;)

Your POV

The next day you woke up, your body in pain and extremely tired, you swore you would never again trust a single human being who wants to help and certainly not some guy on tumblr. Yesterday you thought this guy really cared, that you have finally found someone to get this weight from your shoulders, but as everyone else he just let you down. Just wanted to play a knight until he read this few lines and recognized your unappealing character, until the game got boring, as it always does when you were involved.

You decided to get a long, hot shower to please your body and after that you checked the cuts on your wrist, they weren’t very deep, it would just take a few days for them to heal, they probably wouldn’t even leave scars. Good. You hated the scars on your wrist, where too many people could see them, there were a lot more scars above your elbow and on your tights because hiding them there was a lot easier. You just cut on your wrist when you didn’t really think about what you did. When you just urged to feel your body, when your mind completely shuts down.

You put on your favourite hoodie and some jogging pants and thought about checking your tumblr inbox. No. You just promised yourself not to do this again, maybe you should just delete that app from your mobile phone. But you couldn’t get yourself to do it, not yet, so you just went to your phone settings and switched off the tumblr-notifications. You don’t want to hear anything of that guy anymore, you thought.

Mishas POV

As I woke up in the morning I wasn’t as tired as I thought I would be, I looked at the time and jumped out of my bed shocked. Shit. It was nearly 10, filming started at quarter to 10. I put on a pair of comfortable jeans and a simple T-shirt, then I rushed to the bathroom, brushed my teeth while fixing my messy hair. Why wasn’t there any alarm? Oh, my mobile was still off because of the lack of battery. Shit. In my car I plugged in the portable charger and instantly messages came in. I quickly looked at it and hoped for a message of the tumblr-girl from the night before but as I unlocked the screen there were just seven texts and two missed calls from Jensen.

Morning, I’m going a bit earlier today, want me to pick you up? -Jensen

I’m leaving in 10, if you want me to pick you up, tell me. –Jensen

Okay, I’m leaving now. I guess I’ll see you on set in 30 minutes. – J

Where are you, buddy? Late night yesterday? ;)

Hey Misha, where are you? They are looking for you, shooting starts in 20

Mish, where are you? Forgot your job, huh?

Misha?

I shook my head. Shit. They are gonna hate me. I quickly wrote a text to Jensen

Hey buddy, I overslept, I’m sorry will be there asap – Misha

I got on set just 20 minutes later, although everyone was ready and waiting for me, I was a bit embarrassed and tried to get ready very quickly so we could start filming. When I sat down at the make-up table, Sarah, the make-up artist looked at me shocked. “Is something wrong?” I asked her confused. She stared at me and pointed at my eyes “Did you stayed up the whole night?” she asked blankly. I looked at me in the mirror and recognized the dark shadows below my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I said “but you can fix this, can’t you?” I replied with a little smile. She sighed “It will be a lot of work, but I think I can.” I nodded and let her start applying loads of make-up to my face.

I was tired the whole day, every now and then my mind went off to the tumblr-girl which hasn’t responded since last night. I was messing up constantly and at some point Jensen talked to the director to get some time for a break. Then he came back and looked at me “Everything okay, buddy?” he asked and I nodded instantly “It’s just because you are absent the whole time, what’s going on?” he kept going. I sighed quietly, not sure if I should tell him about the situation going on but then you nodded “See, I was on tumblr yesterday-“ – “What?” he stared at my perplexed “You were on tumblr? What did you do, read fanfictions about us?” he laughed, but as he saw my concerned face he got serious again and just said “go on.”

“Yeah, I just like to see what people are doing to each other, there are incredible supporting and helpful people out there. I really love to see how they are a family just as we are.” I smiled but then I got back to the subject “but yesterday I met this girl on tumblr, she sounded really desperate and more or less asked the community for support.” I looked at him and he nodded slowly and I kept going. “I- I don’t know, there was nobody responding so I just shot her a message with some nice lines, you know. I couldn’t just sit there and do nothing.” I looked at my feet “She responded somewhere in the middle of the night, I was still awake, maybe because I was a bit worried about her, she sounded desperate, like she had nobody to talk, we wrote a short time, maybe two or three messages and then my phone battery went out, I had to look for my charger but didn’t find it so some minutes passed and when I finally sent her a message from my laptop she didn’t respond. I heard nothing from her since then. I- I’m just worried, Jensen.” I finished.

Jensen nodded again and gave me a gentle hug. “I understand.” He smiled “You are simply too precious for this world, buddy, but I understand. I hope she is responding soon, maybe she is just as tired as you are and overslept as well, or she needs just a little time, I’m sure she is okay.” He patted my shoulder and I gave him a weak smile. “I hope so.” I said “Okay, let’s get back to work and wrap the thing for today.”

Your POV

Since you had your day off every Friday you had no duties to do today, you just stayed at home and listened to some music, did your laundry, tried to keep yourself busy. But you couldn’t forget about this guy. Every now and then you started crying, your head felt like it would burst any second and you just couldn’t anymore. You thought a long time about killing yourself, you wouldn’t be a burden for anybody anymore, but you couldn’t get yourself to do it. Instead you took a pill against your headache and grabbed the bottle of white wine from the fridge. Of course you knew that medication and alcohol weren’t a good combination, but who cares, if you die you die. At least it would be over then. So you sipped at the bottle turned on the TV and started watching Supernatural, again.

Short time later the warm feeling of the alcohol in your blood helped you to relax a bit, you got more emotional and you started crying at some points of the TV-show. You really loved the characters, you loved the connection between the brothers and between Dean and Cass, how they did everything for another and you were sad that you had no friend, no family, to rely on just as they do.

When your thoughts beat you up again and you forced yourself to breathe slowly, when you tried to calm yourself down you took your mobile and opened the tumblr app without thinking. Your eyes focussed immediately on the little symbol above the inbox-sign. Two new messages. You were shivering as you opened your inbox and the chat with oldbonesgoingdown, you read the message, which arrived maybe half an hour after your message yesterday, when you were too freaked out to watch your phone.

“Don’t think like that, Y/N. I don’t know you that well (now), but I think you are an interesting person, you seem like there are a lot of interesting things to know about you and I would like to get to know them all.

Oh my dear, I hope you are better now, I feel with you, I know this feeling when your head puts up some cruel ideas and you can’t do anything but believing it, I really know it, but it will pass, at least for a while. And remember, I am here, girl, I am.

Love, oldbonesgoingdown

PS.: And I don’t think Y/N is an normal, boring name, like you said, I think it sounds very light, adorable and lovely, I don’t know anybody who is called Y/N. I really like the sound of it.

You had to read the message multiple times, tears rushing down your face, struggling for air, but then a soft smile reached your face. When you scrolled down to the second message, also from oldbonesgoingdown the smile vanished as fast as it appeared.

Hey Y/N,

I haven’t heard from you all day, so I decided to ask once again if you are okay. I hope I said nothing that could have intimidated you, if I did, I’m so sorry. I just need to know how you are doing.

Please, just shoot me a short message.

Love, oldbonesgoingdown

Ps. If I said something that annoyed you, or if you just want me to stop messaging, just say it, I don’t want to force you to anything, I just care about you.

There once was a person who cared and you managed to disappoint him in under a day, you aren’t worth getting the care of a person as nice as this guy seemed. In spite of you knowing you weren’t worth his attention you wrote a short message, to tell him you were still alive, because you couldn’t do the favour to the world and kill yourself.

Hey stranger – I still just know your tumblr-id?

I’m alive is maybe the best I can say after today. I’m far from alright although I’m drunk and crying while watching the boys kill monsters, but your message gave me a smile. I didn’t want to make you wait for my complaints and for sure I didn’t want to make you worry.

I know (no, I don’t understand it, but you told me) you care about me and you want to hear things about me and for the moment you know some things about me (My name is Y/N, I’m good at disappointing people, getting myself into trouble and being a burden for others and I’m a huge SPN fan as I’m in the family) but I just want to know some things about you, at least I name, please.

And of course I don’t want you to stop writing, but I know who I am, so if you want me to stop, yeah, just tell me, I guess.

Greetings, Y/N

The fact that you were drunk made you write things you hadn’t told anybody if you were sober, anybody. You wrote as you thought, don’t beat around the bush.

Part 3

#spn #spnfamily #spnfandom #misha x reader #misha collins #misha #jensen ackles #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfic

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tellytantra · 4 years

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A beautiful mansion is shown… lady is shown with sad face… she is very tensed… not only she, her whole family is tensed… her two sons where getting ready to go somewhere… her daughters in law where try to console her… her husband also seems worried… calling bell rings… she went to open the door… she opens the door… a girl is standing there with wide smile in her face… lady’s also seems happy after saw her… but she suddenly make her face stern n slaps her… girl is shocked…. Girl(tears fall from her eyes): ma… Lady: where did you come Gauri???DIL: Pinky aunty… Pinky: no Anika, Bhavya… today i won’t allow anyone to support her…Her sons try to interrupt…but she stops them… Pinky: no Shivay, Rudra… you know na how much Om is worried when he speak to us… how much she make us tensed… it’s all our mistake, we never show her our face na… we never mind her mistakes na… that’s why she did like this… whether you think of anyone before come from there… altleast try to inform us… Gauri is still in shock… because till date she not even get single scold from her family members… her bhais Shiva n Rudra take care of her like a princess… her bhabis Anika n Bhavya take care of her as their daughter… her mom n dad won’t let her feet touch the ground… Pinky: your home is in Juhu… go there… Gauri: it’s my mistake to come here… i should go to my MIL house straight away from airport… She take her luggages… Shiva: i will drop you Gauri… Gauri: no need bhai… i came from Canada to India alone only… this Andheri to Juhu is not at all a matter to me… Anika bhabi Bhavya bhabi bye…Anika n Bhavya feels sad… Shiva n Rudra assure them everything will be alright… Pinky locks herself in her room… Gauri is walking in road with heavy heart… why these people are reacting to her like this… actually what happened… FLASHBACK:Gauri is a kind of girl who don’t wish to keep single step outside home without her family member… she not even went to any school or college tours except family tour… even she don’t wish to get married… because if she got married then she has to leave her family… so if her parents show any groom to her she will do anything miserably to the groom… then that boy itself will tell to her parents that he is not interested in her… she will act like innocent… By that time only Gauri parents show her photo to Om…Om fall in love with her at once he saw that photo… he determined to marry her… she tried to stop this marriage… but Om didn’t give up… after speak with Om for first time, she understood that he won’t give up… he flattered her family members… even her neice n nephew also went to his side… then she agrees to the marriage without any option… she convinces herself by saying that Juhu to Andheri just 30 mins travel… she doesn’t hate Om… she just don’t want to leave her family… Om is madly love her… Gauri: excuse me everyone i want to know one thing… Everyone look at her in hesitation… everyone knows what she is going to ask… Pinky: what??? Gauri: where he is working???Shakthi(stammers): that… beta… dear… he… Gauri: just cancel this marriage…Pinky(shouts): what??? Look he is working as Doctor in Canada… he has to be in Canada for 2 more years in Canada for completing his studies… if you don’t agree to this marriage then i wilk send you to orphanage… Anika and Bhavya won’t feed you there… Shivika n Bhadra won’t play with you there… Shiva n Rudra won’t save you from any trouble… overall no one will come to see you… Gauri went to her room without reply.. she seems sad following days… Om didn’t try to contact her after to that incident… he thinks if he tries to speak with her… she may get angry… They went to shopping for wedding… everyone asked her to select her wedding dress… but she didn’t tell anything… Anika: ok come on we will design for our Gauri… Gauri didn’t respond to this also… everyone think for a second whether they take a wrong decision by getting her married to Om… Om interrupts… Om: i will design for my wifey… Anika bhabi give me that paper… Gauri: no need… come bhabi we will design… Everyone relaxed n thinks Om is the only person who can handle her… Shiva n Rudra tell to Om about Gauri… Shiva: she is good girl… but she is naughty… Rudra: childish too… we can’t see a single drop of tear in her eyes… Om: bro… she is the one enough to bring tears in everyones eyes… no one can see a tear in her eyes… moreover she is mine… i will take care of her… Till the wedding she tries to stop the wedding… she went to Om’s room… he is not there…she waits for him… he enters n see her in his room… he is seeing her after so long… his mood changes when he see her… she didn’t realise his presence…he went to her n back hugs her… she is stunned… while trying to release herself from him she fell on the bed… Om falls on her… he locks her by keeping his hands on either side of her… both share a eyelock…Om: what a surprise visit… Gauri: please stop this marriage… Om remives the hair which fall on her face… she feels shy… he kissed on her forehead… Om: hey silly heart… now also i am telling if you don’t want to marry me you go to your family n tell them the same… i won’t stop it because i want you… Now Gauri’s temper increases… she pushes him aside n went to her room… Om smiles…After to marriage… Janvi n Tej take care of Gauri as their own daughter… Om assures her that they can start their life after she feels comfortable with him only… her family come to Om’s house everyday before they leave to Canada… while leaving to Canada tears fall from Everyone eyes… Gauri can’t bear this separation from her family… Om tries to keep her happy in every second…he gift a pet dog for her… which is her favourite variety… she kissed him for the first time… he feels like flying in sky… Next day… Om is cooking pasta in kitchen… Gauri is sitting in kitchen slab n orders him to put that this… Om: ok princess… While jump down she lost her balance… Om holds her in one hand… Om: don’t you know how to stand also… He off the stove n feed one spoon of pasta to her… she starts suck it as kid… before she suck it fully, Om starts sucking it from another end…gap between their lips reduces… he starts kissing her passionately… her body starts shivering… he stops kissing her n hold her in securing manner… then he feeds her favourite pasta… she feels some kind of secureness when he is with her… Days went like this… Om is the one who will cook and feed her except lunch… because he has to go to his duty… until Om leaves to work Gauri will help him… after to that she will speak to her family n Om’s family… and she will spens time with the pet…she used to sleep in Om’s lap or chest… Om feels happy whenever she sleep like this… he give her whole love which her whole family give to her… One day Om came home early… Gauri went to him and hugs him… Gauri: why you came earlier today??? She is playing with pet… Om: sweety… She didn’t listen… Om(loudly): sweety… Gauri turns to him… Om(holds her): i am sorry baby… I have to go to London immediately… it’s not my trip dear… my mentors… but suddenly he fell ill… and also i can’t deny it’s our regular patient… he has to undergo immediate surgery… i tried to get ticket for you… but there is no ticket… i am going only in my mentors ticket…Gauri becomes sad… she move away from him… Om tightens his grip around her… Om: i already told our neighbour… they will take care of you n i ordered food online… you no need to cook… i will give you my credit card… our joint account only… just 1 week dear… my baby will manage na… Tears fall from Gauri’s eyes… she hug him tightly and said” I will miss you”… Om felts love in her words… he thinks these many days i was with you … why you didn’t show this love… when i am going to leave you.. you are expressing it… he starts kiss in her lips passionately… this time she didn’t shiver at all… because she too fall for him… Next day… after he reach there he calls to her… after to that he immersed in his work… he completely forget about Gauri… here she wait for his call… but he didn’t call her… then she decided to leave to India by using her open ticket to India… she left the dog in pet care centre n she went to airport… when she enters the flight… in London Om successfully completes his surgery… he called Gauri with full happiness to inform that he will come the very next day… but her mobile is swiched off… he immediately tried to landline number… it also went unanswered… he got tensed… his neighbour informed him that house is locked… he immediately contact to his n her family… they too don’t know about her because she didn’t inform them…he immediately take next flight… his heart prays to god nothing should happen to her… he is in verge of tears… she successfully reached India… Her family is fully tensed… Shiva n Rudra were getting ready to go to Canada… at that time only she reaches her home… FLASHBACK ENDS: While she is walking in road… Janvi comes there because of Pinky’s phone call… she take Gauri with her… Gauri apologized her again n again… Janvi try to console her… she too has anger on her… but already her mom slapped her… she too don’t want to hurt her… She made her eat… asks her to sleep… Gauri: om shall i sleep on your lap… Janvi(smiles): come dear… you sleep on my lap… Tej sent a voice message to Om… that Gauri is in their home only… After Om reaches Canada, he saw that message… he is relieved… he went to home n call his mom n enquire about Gauri… then he slept because of his continuous work… Gauri wakes and ask about Om… Janvi informed her that Om will be sleeping out of tiredness… he himself will call… Gauri is longing to speak with him… she called him… Om: Gauri please i am so tired… let me sleep…Gauri felt bad… she keeps her mobile down… by mistake she again called Om… but she didn’t realize it… Om: how many times He stops on hearing her voice… Gauri(to Om’s photo frame): i am sorry Om… i am really scared to stay there… wherever i see you are visible to me like ghost( Om smiles)… you know what??? I thought my family will be surprised to see me alone… how i come from there alone… they will appreciate me for my courage… but i am wrong… mom slapped me…(tears fall from her eyes)… they all hate me… now you also don’t like me na…. you also don’t like to speak with me na… Om got angry he disconnects the call… he again call her… Om: are you mad Gauri… whatever you did is correct ah??? If your mom slapped you means she hates you… if i didn’t speak with you means also i hate you… we don’t have any right to get angry with you… first understand everyone… then you will know how much all care for you… you know what??? Your mom n dad once speak with me to know about me n your bhais Shiva n rudra second… then your bhabis Bhavya n Anika… after so many discussion only they accept me… they have so much love on you… you won’t understand these and all… He disconnects the call… Gauri is confused how he know whatever i speak with photo… Om calls to Gauri’s house… shiva attend the call… Om(burst out): Gauri is my wife… you guys don’t have any rights to scold or slap her… you all are responsible for her act… till date you didn’t show any anger on her… if you didn’t give that much love to her she will be matured… please go n see her… she is longing for your love… After to his conversation only they all relieved… next day they went to see Gauri… her anger on them went when she saw them… she is very happy but afterall she miss Om… days went… CANADA: Om: see puppy your Gauri is enjoying without us… while going whether she ask permission to me…for returning i have to go n take her… so sad na… when she comes you shouldn’t speak with her… Calling bell rings… Om look towards entrance… Gauri is standing there like angel… puppy went to her in run… she takes puppy n walk towards him… even though he is happy to see her… he fakes his anger… Gauri look at him for a while… she pulls him to her n starts kissing him… he kissed back her… they don’t know how many hours they stand like that… Gauri breaks it n tells Om that she is hungry… Om laughed at her… he feeds her food… Gauri: I LOVE YOU Om… Om: when did madam realize it…Om hugs her from back n kissed in her neck… Gauri pushes him away n starts speaking… Gauri: i realized it when you are away from me… when i didn’t hear your words like Baby, silly heart, sweety… my life won’t be without you… Om takes her in his arms n went to their bed room…they start their life happily… Writer: Anuva

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