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futuremrsdrcullen · 2 years

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Aren't We Just Terrified - Part One

Part one of the New Moon reader insert fic that I've been promising for FAR far too long.

Summery- The idea of facing mortal danger just to see a ghost of him almost sounded rational here.

I watched as Bella hugged her chest to keep herself whole. I stood by as she chased adrenaline for the smallest glimpse of Edward.

I didn’t feel perfect- standing there didn’t heal me. I let out a small humorless laugh and shook my head accepting that I couldn’t keep pretending that there was never a wound in the first place.

Word Count- 12,214

Warnings- This is New Moon, so it's a lot darker than the first. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ I'm Always in This Twilight READ THAT FIRST!! Depression, abandonment, misunderstandings, break ups, Age gaps because of vampires, angst! It's very angsty, but it gets better! I promise it has a very happy ending.

Notes from me- My name is Claire and this is my second love child. I have finally finished my version of New Moon and I could not be more excited for you guys to see it.

This is book 2 of probably 5 so stayed tuned for the rest of them.

I DO NOT own The Twilight Saga. All rights go directly to S. Meyer.

Read on AO3 <3

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Thank you for being here, I Love you <3

Aren't We Just Terrifed - Part One

Unlike Bella, I was very excited for my birthday. It was a little different, I guess. Carlisle was still older than me and Edward would always be stuck at 17. It made sense that she wouldn't want to be another year older. Especially since she was already ready to be a vampire.

I was not. I wanted, at least, another 5 human years. To be with Carlisle, to experience human things. I hadn’t told anyone this. I tried not to think about it around Edward, and hadn’t really decided anything, so I hoped Alice couldn’t see my plans. If you could even call them that.

When my 21st birthday rolled around, I could not wait for what the day had in store.

“Happy birthday, Y/n!” Alice, Bella, and my dad were rushing into my room. Alice and Dad had gifts, Bella didn’t, though I think she just didn’t want me to return the favor.

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” I said.

“For the record, I did tell them that, and I listened.” Bella added as she showed her empty hands, and I laughed.

“I just knew you’d love it!” Alice added a wink at me “Carlisle will love it too.” My eyes went wide as she laughed.

Dad's brow furrowed “Ahhh-ba! Mines not wrapped, so we can do that first and then I’ll leave you girls to it.” He handed me the gift. “One of, if not the best, single malt whiskey. Made right here in the pacific northwest.” He said with a grin. Around the top of the bottle of Westland Whiskey he had handed me, was a silky blue ribbon.

“Thanks Dad, this is great.”

“The ribbon is part of the gift too. You had one just like it as a kid. You’d wear it all the time, pretending to be Wendy.” He smiled at the ribbon and the memory it held before his eyes met mine again.

“I remember Dad, Thank you. It’s perfect.” I got up and hugged him. I leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“Alright, enough of me. Happy birthday, kid.” he left and softly shut the door behind him. When I turned around to face them Alice was grinning from ear to ear.

“Really? In front of my dad?” She put her hands up.

“I didn’t mean it like that! I’ve just seen you wear it tonight and, of course, he loves you in it.” She laughed, “It will look so cute with the ribbon in your hair.”

I pretended to gasp “Don’t spoil it!” We laughed and Alice handed me the box.

“Open it! I can’t wait.” I smiled back at her and opened the gift.

I pulled out the stunning deep blue dress. It was maybe knee length, and full of glitter. I thought that was fitting for my dinner date with a vampire tonight.

“You can wear it tonight!” Bella exclaimed then added. “Billy and Jacob will be here later.”

“And Carlisle is picking you up at 5pm, so you’ll have plenty of time to get ready.” Then she added, a little quieter, “The rest of us are going hunting tonight. It will just be the two of you.”

I blushed at her implication and looked back at the dress. “Right… Cool, thanks.”

“We’ll let you get ready. Happy birthday, Y/n! I’ll see you again tomorrow.” She hugged me quickly before grabbing Bella’s arm and leading her out of my room.

I just stared at the dress.

I was going to spend a full night… Alone… With Carlisle .

I let out a breath I didn’t fully know I was holding and tried to pull it together.

I heard the welcoming voice of my dad when his friend got there and spent a few more seconds looking at myself in the mirror before deciding that I looked as good as I was going to.

I had the dress from Alice on. It was a perfect fit, of course, and I tied my hair back with the ribbon from my dad.

I went downstairs to see that Billy and Jacob Black were, as expected, here. Bella’s face lit up when she saw me come down the stairs.

“Y/n! You look amazing!” She complimented, and everyone looked at me. Only a small part of me died of embarrassment.

“Happy birthday!” Jacob said. He had grown quite a bit since I had last seen him, but he still had a boyish look to him.

“It’s good to see you, Y/n. You’re looking very… Alive.” Billy said from the living room.

"Uhm, Thanks?” Confused, I forced out a laugh.

“We got you a card. Charlie said you’re hard to shop for.” Poor, sweet Jacob tried to shift focus.

“Only ‘cause your dad told me not to just get you a case of Rainier. It is your 21st, right?” Billy asked

“Yep,” putting emphasis on the p and I walked into the kitchen.

“You’ve got so much living left to do, ya know?” He added.

My eyes shot to Bella; she looked just as confused as I felt.

“I have full intentions of living…” I tried to not glare at him from the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee.

Billy went to say something else that would have probably been equally as confusing, but Dad, thankfully, interrupted. “Well, this is a grim topic for a birthday. What do you have planned for the day, kid? Is that the dress Alice got you? It’s beautiful.” I will forever be grateful for my dad.

Jacob mouthed a quick sorry to Bella, who just let out a soft chuckle.

“It is. She has great taste.” I turned to show him the ribbon in my hair. “It goes great with the ribbon. Thanks again, Dad.”

“Sure kid. It looks great.” he kissed the top of my head, looking happy to see the ribbon already being put to good use.

It was already around 4pm, so I only had to suffer for one hour before Carlisle whisked me away. I knew if I had texted him, he would have come home early and I could have avoided this conversation all together, but I also knew he needed to hunt.

Then again, it was very hard to not see or hear from him for three days. Of course Billy was making that feeling so much worse.

I wish I was allowed to know that they are werewolves, so I didn’t just have to think that the only thing off with them is that they have this big secret. I hated all this “it’s not my secret to tell, mon coeur…” From Carlisle. Billy hinted at so much, like, not only did he know the Cullens were vampires, but he also had a secret life of his own. I thought werewolf, maybe, or vampire hunter, made the most sense.

I respected the game they were playing and I kept my mouth shut. My plate was full with the supernatural already. Why stir the pot any more?

Bella said something in response to Billy. Something I’d missed entirely, because I was thinking about Carlisle.

“Is it wise to spend your birthday with them?” Billy asked. He looked at me like a disapproving father. All of which was annoying, considering my actual dad was right there and he didn’t have a single problem with my choice of birthday companion.

“I spend most days with Carlisle, so I’m sure I’ll be fine.” I smirked at him and took a large sip of my coffee.

“Why don’t we move to the living room and watch the game?” Dad, bless him, interrupted our stare down to suggest.

“That sounds great!” Jacob, bless him too, added and wheeled him, after Dad, into the living room. Bella and I stayed in the kitchen and the second they were out of hearing range we looked at each other, both of our eyes wide.

“That was… uncomfortable.” She laughed, “Why are they like this?”

“They act like the legends are more than just legends… you know?” I added, trying to gauge what she knew. It wasn’t my secret to share either. She shrugged, staring confusedly back at me. It didn't seem like she knew anything more than I did, or if she did, she wasn’t going to tell me. I just laughed it off, “I’ll just ask Carlisle about it later. Maybe it’s nothing.”

She shook her head in confusion. “We gotta get back in there before they ask anymore questions.”

The hour ticked by painfully slowly; I thought I was actually going crazy, but then there was a knock on the door.

I stood and ran to the door, eager to get it before anyone could get it first, not that anyone even moved to. I still lost my breath when I saw him. His eyes a bright golden color and his hair just a little damp from the rain. I stepped out on the porch, shut the door quickly behind me, and wrapped my arms around his neck.

He rested his hands on my hips and kissed the crook of my neck. “Happy Birthday, Cara .” I leaned back to look at his face again. “You look… stunningly beautiful. ”

“Alice said you’d like it.”

“I like everything you wear. I like you. ” He leaned in to kiss me.

“Oh, I’m demoted to only like now?”

I could feel his laugh against my lips, “Hmm, I love you so much.”

“Just checking…” I leaned in to meet his kiss. Our first kiss after 3 days apart felt like a breath of fresh air. The only thing keeping me grounded these last few days was knowing that this kiss was just around the corner. That, soon, I would get to kiss him again; he would run his fingers through my hair and hold me to him like he needed this just as much as I did. If I let myself, I could stay here in this kiss forever.

Sadly, the need to breathe out weighed my wants and I had to pull back. I rested my head on his shoulder.

“As much as I really don't want to, I've gotta get my shoes and things.” He laughed and I turned to get the door before I remembered who was inside and froze. “Oh uhm… Billy and Jacob Black are here and Billy’s been kinda weird… Weird like he knows things…” I raised my eyebrows and looked at him.

He didn’t seem surprised at all. “Oh I’m sure he has been.” He let out a soft sigh, “ Thank you for the warning, but it will be alright.” He kissed my forehead and went to open the door.

“ You know I’m gonna ask you to elaborate on that later, right?”

“It’s not my secret to share.” He smiled at me as I opened the door and pulled him inside.

I whispered “I hate that response and you know it.” and he laughed again.

Dad was standing near the doorway to the living room when we came in, “Doctor,” nodding in Carlisle’s direction “How's it going?”

“Well, Charlie, and yourself?”

“It’s going-”

“Dr. Cullen,” Billy came into the room and I grabbed Carlisle's hand. He gave my hand a soft squeeze to reassure me.

“Always a pleasure to see you, Chief Black.”

“Sure. Of course, I hope things are good, especially with the girls. I hate for something to happen…” He tilted his head towards me.

“See what I mean…” I whispered, barely audible, still knowing he heard me. I heard his soft laugh in response and felt his hand move to my back.

“Alright. Back to the game.” Dad saved the day again, though I’m sure he was confused on where this all was coming from, but I was still grateful. He kissed my forehead, “Have a great night sweetheart.” They went back into the living room and I heard dad say “You drunk already, old man? What is up with you?” and Billy just laughed.

I made quick work of grabbing my bag and sliding on my shoes and once we were out of the door I asked again. “So, do you know what all that’s about?”

“Like I said before, I shouldn’t say. It’s not my secret to share.”

“But you’re gonna tell me , right?”

“No, probably not.” he shook his head and walked me to the car door. “If someone told you we were vampires, before we were ready, we would have been pretty upset.”

I sighed as I got into the car. “My money is still on werewolves.”

He laughed at that and smiled at me as he sat in the driver seat. “I love you,” He was still chuckling as he pulled out of the driveway.

At the restaurant, I ate a hefty salad and he pretended to sip a black coffee. He of course picked out an expensive wine for me to try. How he knew I’d like it, I’ll never understand, but it was very good. It was white and fruity and sweet. I couldn’t pronounce the name if I tried but it made me melt when he said it.

As he took another fake sip of his coffee I asked, “So what’s the story behind the black coffee? It's, like, the only thing you order.”

“Well, It’s very common for restaurants to sell black coffee, and the cups keep my hands nice and warm.” He wiggled his fingers and I definitely didn’t follow his fingers with my eyes.

“Oh… that makes a lot of sense actually,” I blushed and tore my eyes from his hands back to his face.

He just smirked at me and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“Yup.” I popped the “p” to fill the awkwardness that was almost palpable on my end. I could feel my blush deepen even as I looked back at my glass of wine.

He spent just about the whole dinner chuckling at me, as if he knew that all that was going through my head was our upcoming night alone together

By the time we pulled into the driveway, I don’t think the reality had fully set in.

“So, you said I wasn’t allowed to get you a gift but I may have bent that just a little…” He admitted sheepishly.

“Carlisle-”

“Don’t worry. It’s not especially crazy.” He laughed.

“Everything you guys do is crazy.”

“Trust me?”

“With my life…” I blushed and tried to contain my grin.

“We’re throwing a whole party for Bella. I’m keeping you to myself, just us.”

“She’s going to be difficult about that.”

“We are fully prepared for that, we’re just hoping she’ll secretly love it.”

He took my hand as we walked in the door. The house was dimly lit, mostly with candles and there were rose petals everywhere. He chuckled softly when I turned to face him, my eyebrows raised. “Alice took over when I left. I just set out the champagne.”

“She has a hidden motive for everything.” I retort

“I dont think it’s all that hidden.” He kissed my forehead, before going into the kitchen and grabbing the champagne and a glass. I followed behind him.

“I kinda hate that you can’t share this with me.”

Without looking up he poured some in a glass and took a small sip meeting my eyes. “I can, it would just be a waste of a good bottle of champagne.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed softly. “I get it, you can hold your liquor.” He laughed and I took the drink from him. “It takes the fun out of it, but I’m just happy to be here with you.”

“So, how was your birthday so far, Cara?”

I took a second to consider. The gifts from my dad, Alice and Bella. My hand twirled the end of the ribbon in my fingers. “ Simple. Wonderful. Perfect.” I set the glass down and stepped closer to him. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed a quick kiss to my lips “Thank you.”

“Anything for you.” another short, sweet kiss. “You should be celebrated every day.”

“So should you, but you don’t even remember your birthday…”

“You make me feel more celebrated than I could ever deserve.”

“Ah ba ba- Nope! On my birthday, you deserve the world.”

He laughed, “I don’t think that's how it works.”

“Nope. It’s my birthday, I get to decide.” he leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose. I probably could have stood there for the rest of the night; sipping champagne and making dumb jokes. We did stay there for a while doing just that.

“Would you like to finish your drink?”

I pretended to gasp. “Carlisle Cullen, are you trying to get me drunk?”

With a laugh he responded, “Definitely not, but I just have one more little gift-”

“Carlisle!” I really did gasp that time. It was the one thing I agreed with Bella on; this beautiful family had already given me so much and I could never return the favor, no matter how hard I tried. I wasn’t going to throw a fit because they bought me something, but they didn’t have to. I would rather they didn’t.

“I know, I know. We agreed, no gifts. Honestly, it's just something I bought for that house. That you will benefit from, on your birthday.”

Playfully, I glared at him, “But it’s not a gift.”

He smiled again and put his hands up. “Not if you don’t want it to be.”

“Hmm…” I swirled my drink around the glass like fancy people do in fancy movies. “Should I finish this?”

“You don’t have to finish it now-” he chuckled. “You could bring it with you if you want.”

I smiled at him then, “Well, why didn’t you start with that.”

He laughed and took my hand. He led and I followed up the stairs and to his office door. It was the room I spent most of my time in while at the Cullens’ and also the closet thing he had to a bedroom.

When we got to the door he turned his back to it and faced me.

“Close your eyes.” Though he was a master at hiding it, I could see the smallest, excited smile on his lips.

“For something that's not a gift, this sure feels like a gift.” I smiled back at him and closed my eyes. I felt the cool press of his lips to mine before he pulled back and opened the door.

He pulled my hand and led me into the room. I took a very trusting step into the room and heard the lights flip on then the door closed.

He kissed me again before saying, “You can open your eyes now, Y/n”

As I did, I noticed the rose petals had followed us into the office, across the floor, and were scattered all over a beautiful bed that had not been there four days ago. I tried to hide my shock, but I felt the flush rise to my cheeks.

Somehow he was behind me, his lips were on my neck and he was placing small kisses where my skin showed there. I shivered under his icy touch.

“You don’t sleep.” my voice was barely audible.

“No, but you do. This is a gift for you.” I turned to him and playfully glared. He just laughed. “Also, it means I get to spend significantly more time with you. It’s a doubly beneficial situation honestly.”

Though I continued to glare at him, a small smile danced across my lips. I had to admit, I did like his reasoning. While I have slept here a few times, I'd just fallen asleep on the couch in his office before.

The couch was gone and now, there in its place sat one of the fanciest beds I'd probably ever seen. The dark satin sheets and fluffy pillows looked so enticing. The frame alone probably cost more than three of my paychecks, not that money was a problem for him, being a doctor for like 300 years and all.

I looked back at the man I'd grown to love and smiled deeply, "It's absolutely lovely, Carlisle." His smile deepened as he leaned in to kiss me. "I'll have to text my dad that I won't be home tonight."

He laughed against my lips before kissing me. Every time he'd kiss me that night it felt like there was a fire building there, but it never led to more than just long make out sessions. I did want more; I think he wanted more too, but I never wanted to press him and he was too much of a gentleman.

And a vampire.

Which I'm sure played a huge role in the matter of control.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, my hands going to his hair. He lifted me with ease and then we were on the bed. He was sitting on the edge and I was then straddling his lap. I giggled and kissed him again, parting my lips. He took the lead and deepened the kiss only for a moment before he pulled back.

"Mon coeur…" He sighed, his brow furrowed. "We don't… we never have to do anything you aren't comfortable with." He placed a very small kiss on my lips again.

"I know." I kissed him as he had kissed me "I am very comfortable." Another small kiss before I whispered, "I want to. I just never have…"

He let out a breath I didn't know he was holding and quickly kissed me again. "It would take a considerable amount of control on my part."

"If you don't want-"

"I'm not saying no, Y/n." He brushed my hair behind my ear. His eyes were soft. "I'd never be able to live with myself if I was the cause of your pain, so bare with me, okay? Stop me if it becomes too much."

I kissed him, slow and deliberate this time. "I trust you. I've never trusted anyone the way I trust you." He held my face, scanning my features for a clear sign of consent. If I could scream it from the rooftops I would. I wanted this, wanted him. I trusted him. I loved him.

"I want you to be sure. If-"

"Carlisle?"

"Hmm?" He winced slightly

"Please…" He swore under his breath. Then, kissing me again, his hand found the zipper of my dress.

I definitely could get used to waking up in his arms. I knew he could tell I was awake but I still tried not to stir too much. I wanted to just lay there and absorb this feeling, the dull ache in my muscles left no desire to move. I would have been completely fine not moving ever again. I loved it.

Caving, I leaned up to kiss his nose. "Hmm. Good morning."

"Good morning, love. How did you sleep?"

"Better than I probably ever have." I giggled and blushed, hiding my face in his chest. Slightly disappointed in myself for actually saying that out loud. "Did you stay here all night?"

He laughed "Not the whole night. Rose called after you fell asleep, and just a bit ago your phone was ringing downstairs so I went to get that for you." He picked it off the end table.

"Oh no, I completely forgot to text my dad." A shot of panic ran through me as I sat up and grabbed my phone from him.

8 MISSED CALLS FROM Chief Father

5 MESSAGES FROM Chief Father

11:30pm: I'm going to bed assuming you're staying at the Cullens and staying safe.

7:02am: Still haven't heard from you. Are you alive?

7:33am: I know you're an adult but I'd like some kind of response soon.

8:05am: You have an hour before I'm going over there.

8:06am: with guns

It was 8:45. "Crap…" I quickly got out of bed and wrapped myself in his shirt that was wrapped on the corner of the desk. I called him, as fast as I could dial the number.

"Oh, so you are alive." His sarcasm proved his annoyance but there was a hint of relief lying there.

"I'm so sorry, Dad. I meant to text you that I was staying with Carlisle, I just got distracted.” I leaned against his desk and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to bite back a laugh.

"Ahh that's okay! It's fine." He was desperate to stop me before I said more. I felt Carlisle wrap his arms around me and laugh softly into my hair. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Were you really going to come out here?"

"Well yeah, in like an hour or so. I do trust you, I just worry."

My heart melted a little. "I know, I'm sorry. I'll be sure to text you next time."

"That's all I ask. Love ya, kid." We said the rest of our goodbyes and I looked up at Carlisle who was still chuckling.

"In my defense," he started "I was under the impression you had already sent him a message."

I glared at him, playfully. "When would I have had time to do that?"

"Okay, that's fair." He lifted my chin to kiss me. "He knows you're safe now, and we still have the house to ourselves for a few hours. Any suggestions on how we should make the time pass?" implications played in his voice as his hand trailed up the back of my shirt- well, his shirt that I was wearing.

"I might have a few ideas." I pressed my lips to his again and we got lost for a few more hours.

Bella turned 18, ten days after my 21st birthday and she tried very hard to let it go unnoticed.

However, you only turn 18 once, so I felt like it at least deserved to be acknowledged. I worked with Alice to plan Bella a semi surprise party, I didn't want another prom situation since she hardly talked to me for weeks after that. This time she knew what was happening, we just let Edward take most of the fall.

Soft Jazz music drifted through the house while Alice had me on candle duty. There were pink taper candles on pretty much every surface and she wanted me to light them all.

I danced around the room, twirling from candle to candle, humming along to the music. Carlisle caught me by the waist and spun me into him. He kissed me softly and I couldn't help laughing with him.

"Ya know, I think I could get used to seeing my old man this happy." A familiar woodsy voice called from the doorway.

"Emmett!" I laughed and pulled away from Carlisle to run and hug him. He and Rosalie had traveled to Africa after their graduation and I had missed his presence. Despite Rosalie's displeasure, Emmett had grown to really enjoy hanging out with Bella and me. "I didn't know you were coming into town.” I looked toward Rosalie, who was still in the doorway and smiled at her. "It's really nice of you."

She nodded once, I knew it was hard for her. She hated what she had become and although I couldn't agree with her, I respected her for wanting better for us. She didn’t dislike me as much, mostly because I didn’t beg to be turned on a regular basis. I only wished she wouldn't be so hateful about it towards Bella.

"I just wish we could have made it back in time for your birthday." She added.

"It's totally fine." I assured them as Carlisle wrapped one of his arms around my waist. It was extremely comforting, I'd grown to love his family like my own and when he stood next to me and held me, even in front of Rose, it felt like he was proud to have me there.

"We bought you a present, since we couldn't make it." Rose smiled at me. It didn't feel forced, I think she did want to like me. She handed me a very neatly wrapped box and I knew it was mostly from her. The paper was shiny gold with a black ribbon and I almost didn't want to damage it. "It's a ceramic tea set from the town we were staying in. There's a family who makes them by hand."

I unwrapped it as she was explaining "It's truly lovely, Rose. Thank you." She smiled at me and I walked to the kitchen table to set the beautiful tea set down safely.

"Oh! Y/n did you get the key to Bella's truck?" Emmett called after me.

"Yep!" I tossed him the keys and he barely looked before catching them with ease. Being surrounded by vampires had its perks sometimes.

When they all turned to face the door I knew that Bella and Edward were there, I was just the only one who didn't hear them pull in. Alice's face was bright with excitement, she had Jasper put on a more modern and up beat CD before they walked in.

I couldn't help but smile at Bella's face as she took in the room; she winced like she was in physical pain.

I hugged her anyway and pulled her into the room. Carlisle hugged her as well. "I have to apologize for all of this, Bella. We couldn’t rein Alice in." He laughed under his breath. There was never a chance of that anyway. We all knew that very well.

Bell's eyes drifted to Rosalie and Emmett and softened a bit. I knew she'd be happy to see them. Rose didn't shift at all but Emmett just looked happy to be there.

"You haven't changed at all." Emmett said with mock disappointment. "I expected a perceptive difference, but here you are, red faced just like always."

"Thanks a lot Emmett." Her face got even more red.

He laughed and tapped the key in his pocket . "Well, I have to step out for a second."- he paused to wink at Alice. Bella totally saw, but she didn't say anything, I laughed softly under my breath. "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone." He pointed at Bella.

"I'll try." She said through a laugh.

Alice and Jasper stood on the other side of the room. Alice skipped across the room to meet Bella and Jasper stayed leaning against the stair railing. Resisting human blood was still hard for him, even now he kept his distance from us. He was still trying his best.

"It's time to open presents," Alice spoke in a floaty voice, probably to distract Bella from Emmetts shenanigans. She pulled Bella towards the piano, which didn't really have that many presents on it.

"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything." She was dragging her feet.

"I listened." I piped up but she still glared at me. "I may have given Carlisle an idea, but I spent no money." She didn't want me to get her a gift. She said it because she didn't get me one, and if I got her one then she'd look rude, but I think it's because she didn't want to celebrate.

"I didn't listen." Alice added placing a small box in Bella's hands. "Open it."

That was the empty box from Rose, Emmett and Jasper. Once she got it open I could tell she was trying to hide her confusion.

"Uhm... thanks?”

I pressed my lips to Carlisle's shoulder to hide my smile, giggling softly. Rosalie actually cracked a smile.

"It's a stereo for your truck." Jasper grinned from across the room. "Emmett is installing it as we speak.” She thanked them, calling loudly to Emmett. His booming laughter reached in here from Bella's truck.

I smiled up at Carlisle, whose arm was still wrapped around me. I reached up to kiss him, my hand cupping his cheek, his smile growing as his eyes met mine. I wrapped myself up in the feeling of family in the room. I never noticed she had started to open Alice and Edwards present.

I didn't have time to react when she cut her finger.

It all happened in a flash. I was smiling at Carlisle, then he was gone. I heard glass shatter across the room and I watched Edward and Emmett throw themselves at Jasper.

Jasper tried to get away from them. He tried, and thankfully failed, to break Emmetts grip to get to Bella. Bella, who was now on the floor. Edward moved to crouch over her, holding the spot on her arm that had somehow been cut. The glass shattering, I figured.

I tried to appear as small as I could; I wanted to be invisible, if it was possible. The shock was setting in, I could feel the panic. I heard them say things I couldn't process. I didn't move, I didn't breathe.

Carlisle somehow remained calm. Even as Emmett dragged a growling Jasper from the room.

"Let me by, Edward." He murmured. His voice was clear, and the only one I could hear amidst the noise. Edward's stance over my sister didn't change. He was protecting her from even his father; which probably would have been endearing in any other circumstance.

Once Edward relaxed a little, Carlisle knelt next to Bella and examined the wound on her arm. It was huge and bleeding a lot. Alice tried to hand him a towel, but he shook his head. "There's too much glass in the wound." He made a tourniquet with a scrap of table cloth. Bella looked like at any point she would barf, or faint… or both.

I still couldn't move. I wanted them to focus on her. I wanted them to forget I was there at all.

"Bella," his voice was still soft and clear. "Do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like for me to take care of it here." I panicked briefly, thinking about Dad.

"Here, please." She sounded distant. She must have been thinking about Dad too. If he found out what happened, he'd have questions. I knew because I had questions and I was here. I still didn't know how to answer any of them.

"I'll get your bag."

"Lets get her to the kitchen table," then they were there. "How are you doing Bella?"

"I'm fine," the steadiness in her voice was almost comforting.

I looked at the scene around me and tried, for the first time, to assess the situation. Though it had just happened, I felt completely zoned out. Then Edward was gone and Alice ran an apologetic hand down my arm as she also left the room.

I stood there in the center of the room looking at all the scattered roses and broken glass and blood, very much still in shock, but trying to power through it. I let out a shaky breath and took a few steps towards them, only pausing when Carlisle’s head snapped sharply to me. As if he had only just noticed I was still there.

“Y/n” my name rolled off his tongue like he breathed it. So much concern painted his features.

“I’m fine… I‘m right here.” Even my voice sounded distant. He was not convinced, but he nodded once and focused back on Bella’s arm.

I think he was always afraid I would snap out of the comfortable illusion I had painted for myself and run away from him. I’m sure that today's events had set that belief in. I think, for a normal person, it would have driven them away.

But I was a Swan and I fell in love with a vampire, nothing here was normal.

And of course this was Bella. A perpetual danger magnet even on the best days. Even on her birthday she managed to nearly die.

Bella sighed, “I can clear a room at least.”

“It’s not your fault,” He chuckled softly. “It could happen to anyone.”

“ Could. ” Bella repeated, “ But it usually just happens to me.”

He laughed again, glancing quickly at me. He’d ask me 100 times tonight if I was truly alright. I didn’t really know how to reassure him if I didn’t know that I was alright; I was still in shock.

I walked over to the table where Bella was sitting and grabbed her free hand. I gave it a soft, comforting squeeze. Her gaze drifted from me to Carlisle's face, like she was studying the two of us.

“How can you do this?” she asked. “Even Alice and Edward…” She trailed off, shaking the thought from her head. Carlisle was the only one with complete control of his thirst.

“Years and years of practice.” He admitted. “I barely notice the scent anymore.”

“Even with her?” she mentioned me like I wasn’t in the room, but her grip remained firm on my hand. His eyes floated to my face and he smiled a little.

“With Y/n, there's a few extra challenges.” I couldn’t help but blush softly. “Her scent isn’t as strong as yours, but there are a few added desires .”

Bella nodded as if she understood the hidden meaning to his words. I looked down at where our hands were intertwined, smiling softly. My face was red hot.

Since my birthday we hadn’t been able to keep our hands to ourselves. We were both fully indulging in those ‘added desires’.

“It’s just Edward…” she shook her head again. “ Do you think it would be harder if you took a vacation from the hospital for a long time? And weren’t around blood?”

“Maybe,” He shrugged while his hands remained steady. “I’ve never felt the need for an extended holiday.” a smile crossed his face and I fell for him all over again. “I enjoy my work too much.”

“What is it that you enjoy?” I think she was trying to distract herself from what he was doing with her arm. He seemed to think about it for a moment.

“Hmm. What I enjoy most is when my… enhanced abilities help me save someone who would otherwise have been lost. It’s pleasant knowing that, thanks to what I can do, some people's lives are better because I exist. Even the sense of smell is a useful diagnostic tool at times.”

I tried to smile at him, my voice still didn't sound much like my own. “Your existence makes my life better.”

“And yours mine.” His smile was soft, his voice had more confidence.

“It’s not like you asked for this. I think you try too hard to make up for something that was never your fault. You didn’t choose this life and yet, you work so hard to be good. It’s admirable.” I suggested this just to keep Bella distracted. He knew I loved this about him. He never stopped making an effort to be more than the ‘monster’ he believed he became. I didn’t have to tell him that there was no way he could ever be a monster; he knew how I felt, but I wanted Bella to see him this way too.

“I don’t think I’m making up for anything,” he disagreed lightly “Like everything in life, I just had to decide what to do with what I was given.”

“That makes it sound too easy.” Bella sided with me, it was hard not to.

He looked back at her arm. “There, all done” He was covering her arm in iodine. The smell was worse than the blood, but probably not for them. I looked around the room again.

“In the beginning though,” She pressed. “Why did you even think to try a different way than the obvious one?”

His smile changed to a more private one “Hasn’t Edward told you this story?”

I had heard this story. His face was on me again as I stood. “I’m going to clean up.” I barely whispered before pressing a kiss to his cheek.

I zoned out while he retold his origin story to Bella. I grabbed baking soda and white vinegar from under the kitchen sink then the bleach from the bathroom closet and went back to the main room.

I swept up the glass on the floor, making sure to double bag it before getting to work on the floor. The baking soda and vinegar got out most of the stain. I used the bleach to finish the job, hoping it would cover the smell, even for them. It took a few minutes, but as I was finishing, Edward came in the door. HIs hands in his pockets.

“Thank you. It helps quite a bit actually.” I knew he’d heard the question in my thoughts. His gift only affected me sometimes. There were times when I really didn’t want him in my head though, and then, somehow, he wouldn’t be able to hear my thoughts. They had running bets on the reason. I told them I didn’t want to know, but I was thankful that I got to keep some form of privacy.

“No problem.” I looked over his shoulder and out the open front door.

“They’ll be out for the night.” He shut the door behind him. His eyes met mine and a look crossed his features that looked pained, or confused… or constipated. His brows furrowed as he said, “I’ve always feared this. Carlisle does too, if he’s never told you. Either of you getting hurt, because of what we are.”

Carlisle hadn’t told me. I had kind of suspected, I guess. Bella and I spent our lives with one of the human world's most dangerous predators. I knew that he feared that I would be afraid of him. I’d never really considered that I should be afraid, until tonight.

“Exactly.” I heard Edward mumble before he went into the room where I had left Bella and Carlisle. I stayed and finished the last bit of sweeping and mopping. He was only in there for a few moments before drifting through the room and going back outside.

“It’s not his fault.” Bella spoke to them, trailing slowly behind them.

“It’s not yours, either.” Carlisle countered. I couldn’t help but agree with him.

Her eyes drifted from his face to the floor then to me. I was still holding the mop but the work was done. “Y/n, Let me do that.” She blushed and moved towards me.

“It’s already done, Bells.” I smiled softly at her and then at Carlisle for confirmation. He nodded once and mouthed a ‘thank you’. I was just glad that I could help them. I glanced back at Bella and asked. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. Carlisle sews faster than any doctor I’ve had” She huffed a laugh but it sounded forced. I think the gravity of the situation was starting to weigh on her.

I stepped over to Carlisle and wrapped an arm around his waist. He kissed my hair and I felt more than heard the ‘thank you’ he whispered there as well. Alice and Edward came back in. Alice going to Bella’s side and Edward lingering by the door.

“Come on,” Alice said. “I’ll get you something less macabre to wear.” She all but floated out of the room with Bella.

Once they were out of the room it was clear that Edward and Carlisle were speaking through his thoughts. Edward nodded here and shook his head there. I tried not to let the panic set in. I bounced on the balls of my feet and stole a glance at Carlisle’s face. Edward shook his head in response to something and Carlisle seemed almost angry.

The worry grew in my chest and I knew that I would break soon. Carlisle simply kissed the top of my hair to soothe some of the worry away.

Edward shook his head again, clearly growing more annoyed and went to the front door. Bella and Alice came back downstairs and I glanced at Alice. She looked tired, I glanced around the room at all of them. They all look tired; I don’t think I’d ever seen them look so tired.

I could only imagine how I looked.

Edward held open the door for her. “Take your things!” Alice floated the rest of the way downstairs and handed them off to her. “You can thank me later when you've opened them.”

“Goodnight Bella, Happy Birthday again…” Carlisle called after them.

“I’ll… Uhm, I’ll meet you at the house.” I whispered, though I knew they could hear me. I just hoped Edward didn’t read my thoughts and know how long I planned on staying. I craved the comfort that only Carlisle could give. I wanted to stay as long as he’d let me. Bella just nodded and slipped out. Alice went out the back, presumably to be with Jasper.

Just me and Carlisle stood in the room.

“We should go get your things…” He said and took my hand, leading me up the stairs. When we were in his room and the door was closed behind us. He turned to me and asked softly “Are you alright, Cara?” and I just fell apart.

There in the room, I felt like I had nothing to hide and the panic washed over me, no longer feeling the need to hold myself together. He wrapped me up in his arms and carried me to the bed.

He held me there until the shaking stopped. He kissed my tears away and brushed the hair behind my ear. He mumbled more apologies in the space where my neck met my shoulder between kisses. I didn’t even know why I was crying. I was fine, Bella was fine, and yet, the panic held on to me.

I knew the worst was over and yet I couldn’t shake the impending doom.

“I… why do I feel like everything is… wrong now, somehow?” I mumbled.

“I’m so sorry, Y/n. You should have never been put into this situation. I understand why you’re scared-”

“I’m not-”

“You should be. You could have easily been hurt. Every second you spend in our world you’re in danger. I wish I could protect you from it all, but I don't know how.” As he spoke his voice got more and more soft. His eyes held a cold I’d never seen in him before.

I could feel my heart breaking.

I watched his break too.

We were both quiet for a long time. I broke the silence first “I’m not scared of you, Carlisle. I’ve only ever felt safe with you.”

He sighed and kissed my forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you.” I added.

“Are you feeling better? I should get you home.”

“I suppose…”

Without saying another word, he helped me up and I grabbed my overnight bag. I knew it would be easier on his family if I wasn’t here when they got back. I didn’t say it outloud though. He would have told me not to worry about them.

I hated how much this part hurt.

We drove home and the car ride was mostly silent. Soft jazz music played from the radio. I hummed along to the songs I’d grown to love. He smiled softly at me from time to time, he brought my hand to his lips. When we turned into the driveway my eyes met his. The porch light was on and the light came through the heavily tinted windshield. I could still see the worry painting his features.

I gave his hand a soft squeeze, “I’ll see you tomorrow?” I didn’t mean for it to sound so much like a question.

He nodded. “I’ll swing by the cafe after work.” His words didn’t soothe my worry much. “I love you, Y/n”

“I love you… So so much.” I kissed him softly. I wanted it to make me feel normal. It didn’t do much to calm the feeling that everything was off still.

His hand rested on my cheek as he kissed me back, like he also needed it.

I pulled back and nodded. “Tomorrow then.”

“Tomorrow.”

I got out of the car and headed inside. Waving one more time as he pulled out of the driveway.

Dad was asleep on the couch. Most of the lights in the house were off. The tv played some rerun of a game. I shut it off and pulled a blanket up over dad. I kissed his head then headed upstairs.

Bella’s light was also off, though there was the faint glow from her lamp. I shut my door loud enough for her to hear and know I was home.

I didn’t turn my light on; I didn’t change.

I just curled up in my bed and prayed for an ounce of normalcy.

I don't think I slept at all.

I heard Bella leave for school the next morning. I heard dad in the shower getting ready for work. I opened my eyes and saw the soft gray light coming through the window. I watched the rain drops for a while until I finally convinced myself to get up and go downstairs.

I started making breakfast for Dad. I fried eggs and bacon and made some toast. I couldn’t bring myself to eat, but I made myself a glass of orange juice.

“Morning kiddo.” I jumped at the sound of his voice and the glass fell to the floor, completely shattering on impact.

“Shit… Dad… Sorry.” I got the broom and started sweeping up the glass. He laughed at my clumsiness.

“You don't have to apologize. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He held up the dust pan for me. “I’ve been down here for a minute. You didn’t notice?”

“Oh, uhm, No?” I blushed, slightly embarrassed. “I was lost in thought I guess.”

“Sure.” he took the glass and dumped it in the trash. The sound made me shiver. “How was the party?”

“Fine. You know how Bella is though, they spent money, she acted grateful while they were in the room, complained when they left.”

“What happened to her arm?” I winced. I knew that was coming.

“She fell. I swear, she can take the smallest thing and turn it into life or death.” I forced a laugh. He didn’t need to know how truthful I was being. “Carlisle cleaned her up though. No big deal.” I shrugged and smiled at him.

“Well, thank him for me.” He sat down and started eating. I made another glass of juice then started the dishes.

A minute or so later he kissed my head and left for work. If he said anything else, I didn’t hear him.

I was alone with my thoughts for most of the day after that. Both Dad and Bella had work but I didn’t go in until 8, so I just floated around the house trying to stay busy.

Then It was 7:30, and I’d lost track of time. Everything still felt off.

I hoped that seeing Carlisle at work would help. I slid my shoes on, grabbed my apron and headed to the cafe.

Carlisle’s Point of View

Edward made it very clear.

We had to leave.

I had finally found the one thing that made me feel alive again and yet there stood a gap between what I truly wanted and what my family believed was right.

If I looked at this from purely a safety standpoint, it made sense. Bella would never be safe as long as she was human. If I had any say she wouldn’t still be human, she would have turned the night James bit her. She would be safe, and we wouldn’t have to leave.

It would save all of us this pain. Not to mention it's what she wants anyway. It wasn’t my place to make that kind of decision for them. If we weren’t going to change Bella, logically I knew she’d only be safe if we left. I did not feel the same about Y/n.

Y/n was very different then Bella in many ways. Mostly in the way that Y/n had some self preservation skills. When Jasper lost control, it was as if she wasn’t even in the room. Victoria and James never thought twice about her.

I couldn’t… I wouldn’t just leave her behind.

I decided to go with them for Edward and Alice's sake. She would see my decision to go with them and be content enough to not press, but I could leave clues for Y/n. Alice would only see it when she decided to come find me, then I’d explain myself to the family. I could leave clues and hide my thoughts from Edward and when she knew, she’d come find me again.

I could live knowing that, in the end, it was her decision. She had every right to choose her own fate. I would always respect her choice.

However if I saw her tonight, I wouldn’t be strong enough to leave. She’d also see right through me. I couldn’t go and pretend everything was alright. I couldn’t lie to her.

I hadn’t noticed I was pacing. My steps were hardly audible as I crossed the office over and over. From the other side of the room I stared at the bed I had bought her, solely so she could be more comfortable when she stayed over.

Even when I’d laid with her, though normally such an act would put her in great danger, she kept me grounded. With me, I knew she was safe. The idea of abandoning her, even knowing that I wasn’t really, made my heart ache in a way I’d no longer thought possible.

I flashed across the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Her scent lingered in the sheets, like she was still sleeping there. I breathed in deeply, taking in the smell of the woman I loved. She always smelled like warm honey and damp earth. Like the sweetest parts of the only home she had ever known.

Like the first place I felt I truly belonged since the loss of Esme.

And now we had to leave it. To protect Bella and Y/n. We had to leave.

It made perfect sense.

She was very understanding when I called to tell her I wouldn’t be at the cafe. I could hear the disappointment in her voice. I hated it, but I made dinner plans with her anyway.

I reserved a table at the quaint restaurant in Port Angeles. I’d taken her there on a few dates and for her birthday. I told her I would meet her there, she needed to have her car to drive herself home.

That was the first bread crumb. The first little clue, so she knew what was coming. So she’d look for more. Next, the key to the house, the ‘plants in the office’, the letter, the plane tickets, the money. All left for her to find, so she could find them and choose to look for more. She could choose to find me; so she could choose me. I wrote her the letter and left it on my desk. I couldn’t leave it in her possession, Edward would be too thorough. Everywhere but the house itself, he’d make sure there was no trace of us. I’d give her a key to the house.

I would get there before her, get a table, explain why we had to leave, and she’d see through it. She would follow the trail I’d left for her. She just had too.

Alice wouldn’t see it til Y/n made the choice for herself. I’d force myself to think about other things until Edward was gone.

She’d find the letter after we were gone. It would explain everything. With the letter she’d find the tickets.

I hoped she would choose to find me too.

Y/n’s Point of View

The air felt wrong. I think Bella could feel it too.

The events of Bella’s birthday affected us all pretty hard. Alice and Jasper left that night, not saying where they were going, I just assumed they flew up to Denali. Edward wasn’t at the house much and felt distant. Carlisle was… Well…

He was acting completely normal, calm and collected. It just felt… off.

Still, I got ready for the dinner he had planned. I pulled my hair out of my face and I hoped for the best.

I saw his car as soon as I pulled into the parking lot. I parked in the spot next to him and cut the engine. I sat there for a second trying to breathe, trying to calm my nerves, even though I didn’t know why I was nervous in the first place.

He opened my door for me and I hugged him like I always did. The kiss he gave me was slow and deliberate. He held my face in his hands even after he broke away. He rested his forehead against mine.

I couldn’t tell why, but it was all starting to feel like a goodbye.

I shuddered at the thought and hoped it couldn’t be. It very easily could have been.

“I know you like this place. I’ve already gotten us a table.”

“Oh, good.” I stepped back and took his hand. He led us inside. He felt normal, The restaurant felt normal. Hell, even this date, if that’s what it was, felt totally normal.

Yet the dread still loomed there like a bad aftertaste of a single bad night.

The hostess took us to the table and asked for our drinks. I got a cabernet. He, of course, got a black coffee. Yea, totally normal.

I didn’t look at the menu, I didn’t want to take my eyes off of him. When the waitress came back with our drinks he told her we would need some privacy.

The air left my lungs.

“Y/n…” He started. His hand reached across the table to hold mine, and he gave my hand a soft squeeze. I didn’t say anything, I just couldn’t. “We’re leaving.”

This really was a goodbye.

He continued, “Most of the others are already gone. Edward is saying his goodbyes to Bella…” Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye . It rang in my head. I didn’t move, couldn’t move . “Edward thinks it would be safer for Bella, if we weren’t around.”

I thought I heard a slight pitch in his voice, a hesitation in the way he phrased that.

It was just the tiniest glimmer of hope. “ Edward ?” Not Carlisle.

He shook his head, not him. Edward. “We’re not good for Bella.”

“Bella?” not me. My voice still shook. He nodded. Not me, Bella. Not him, Edward. This didn’t have to be about us. “But you’re leaving too?”

“Yes… I have to go as well. It’s for the best, Y/n.” I scanned his features. I tried to find the meaning of his words, like they would somehow be clearer if I looked deep enough in his eyes. This all felt so wrong. “What happened with Jasper-”

“Was nothing. Everything is fine.”

“It’s not fine. Bella… and You- you shouldn’t be in that kind of danger. I’ve never wanted that for you.” I thought I heard his voice break, but I don’t think that’s possible.

A moment of silence passed as I looked into his soft golden eyes. I tried to convince myself to breathe. “Don’t, don’t do this.” My voice definitely did break. I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

“I have to, Y/n. For Edward and Alice. For Bella. For you.” He took a deep breath. It reminded me to do the same, though mine was much more shaky. “Bella will never be safe. As long as she's human. As long as we’re around. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you.”

“Nothing happened.”

“This time.” he sighed “We have to leave.” he said again, I just nodded as more tears fell. “I’ll always love you, Y/n. This doesn’t change that. Nothing ever could change that.”

I shivered. I wasn’t cold but I couldn’t stop shaking. I nodded anyway, my voice barely audible, “What now?”

“Now I leave-” he took some money from his wallet and set it on the table. It was way more than the cost of our drinks. Then he stood. I didn’t trust my legs to hold me up, I didn’t move. “If you don’t mind, could you do something for me?” I’m sure he saw the confusion on my face, he held out a key to me. “This is the key to the house. It’s yours, as long as you want it. I’ve got some plants in my office-” he almost looked like he was in pain, like he didn’t want to ask. “They’ll need to be watered.”

I let out a short humorless laugh “Sure.” I didn’t move to take the key, so he placed it on the table next to me. My eyes met his again and I felt the pain spread through my chest. I could see how sad he truly was, maybe if vampires could cry he’d even shed a tear. I could feel the last goodbye coming.

He kissed my forehead. My eyes fluttered closed. I held on tightly to his hand like that would keep him from going. “Please… Stay safe, Cara.”

I couldn’t move, my eyes stayed closed, and tears stained my cheeks. If I was kidding myself, I would have sworn he said ‘I love you’ into my hair. Could have felt the goodbye he placed there.

But then my hand was empty.

And he was gone, truly gone.

Some time later, though I had no real perception on how much, the waitress came back to the table. “Are you alright, sweetie?”

I didn’t look up at her, just shook my head. “Could you bring the bottle?” I request, gesturing to the now empty glass of cabernet.

“Sure.”

When she came back I handed her the cash, her eyes went wide at the amount. I hadn’t bothered to see how much there was. “You can keep the rest. I won’t need anything else.”

If she said something else, I didn’t hear her. I sat in the corner of the restaurant. I watched as normal people came and went, regular families eating dinner, cute couples on dates, while I was frozen in place. I wanted to believe that if I sat there long enough- if I blinked enough times- he’d still be sitting in front of me and none of it would have been real.

Tears ran down my cheeks. The sun set. I didn’t move.

The waitress came back. I didn’t hear what she said. I waited a moment, a small “Hmm?” was all I could manage.

“Oh, we're closing.” her voice was soft and filled with pity. I cringed.

“Right… Sorry.” I stood. Surprisingly my legs held.

She looked apologetic immediately. “No, it’s okay. Just, get home safe, alright?”

I nodded and mumbled my thanks. I managed to get to my car and just sat in it for a second. My tears had stopped, but the pain in my chest grew with every breath. Besides that pain, I was completely numb, almost lifeless somehow.

In the quiet of my car I could hear my phone ringing. It was after 10pm. I had 16 missed calls from Dad, and he was calling again.

“Y/n” He was panicking.

“Dad, sorry I left my phone-”

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine…” It was a lie. I’m sure he knew that, but he didn’t press the issue. I just wanted to calm him down, the panic in his voice was enough to sober anyone. “What’s wrong?”

“Have you seen your sister?” he was still frantic.

“No? Not since she left for school.” I started my car. Edward must be gone. I didn’t know where she would have gone, but I needed to help Dad find her.

“Her truck was here, but the door was locked. There was a note, but I just can’t find her anywhere.”

“I’ll be there soon. I’m in Port Angeles.” I’d be at least 40 minutes.

“Be safe, I love you.” My chest ached.

“I will. I love you too, Dad.” Once he hung up I drove as fast as I could within legal limits. I was too much of a mess to get pulled over.

When I got to the house, there were over around ten cars in the driveway. Dad had a map of the forests near our house spread out on the hood of his cruiser. He hugged me tight when I got up to him. I tried not to flinch away when he kissed the top of my head. I couldn’t stop the tears that fell.

“They’re really gone?” I couldn’t answer. I just nodded. He hugged me tighter. Billy and Harry exchanged a look that I tried to ignore.

“We’ll find her, Charlie.” Harry said.

“They wouldn’t have taken her wit-”

“No,” I cut him off. “No, they went alone.”

“And he just left her in the woods?”

“We don’t know the whole story.” I tried. Billy scoffed. I wanted to punch him.

I didn’t, I just let the silence surround us and tried to focus on the mumbles and police code over Dad's walkie. I think hours passed by in a hazy fog.

Then I saw Sam Uley. I could barely process anything, though I heard him say she wasn’t hurt.

“- she just keeps saying ‘he’s gone’”

He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone .

She wasn’t saying it anymore, but I could hear it in my head. A broken record that could only play, “He’s gone, He’s gone, He’s gone” and “Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye .”

Dad took Bella from Sam and pulled her into the house. I followed a few steps behind. Dad wrapped her up in his jacket on the couch. He gave some of the boys directions to where the spare blankets are kept, but I waved them off, opting to get them myself.

All of these people were here to find Bella. And me, I guess; had I never answered my phone. I handed the blankets to Dad as she confirmed she wasn’t hurt, she’d just gotten lost in the woods.

The doctor left, the volunteers left. Bella hardly moved. I gave Dad the other blanket I had grabbed, knowing that as long as she was down here he’d stay here too.

“Go to bed, sweetheart. I’ve got her.” He said as he settled into the recliner.

“I will…” my voice was flat. The phone rang again, Dad moved to get it, but I was faster. “I’ll get it, just… rest.”

A classmate of Bella, Laura, Lauren maybe? She did sound concerned, but also nosey somehow.

“She’s fine, she just got lost; we’ve found her.” I repeated this to everyone who called. The phone rang on and off for a while. Once it got too late- or early, I guess- the calls stopped. I went back to the living room and sat on the floor. I sat directly in front of the window, pressing my face to the cool glass. I didn’t sleep, didn’t move; I just watched the sunrise on a day I wasn’t prepared for.

The day felt like it was mocking me; because of course it would rain today. I wondered if they planned that. It was a Saturday, too. Bella didn’t have to go to school or work, I didn’t work. They probably wanted to make it easier. It wasn’t.

After some time, the phone rang again. This time Dad was up and to the phone faster than I could get there.

“Where?” he paused. “you're sure it’s outside the reservation… But what could be burning out there?” He sounded both worried and mystified. Bella started to stir a little. “Look, I'll call down there and check it out.”

He hung up and called another number, his hand pinching the bridge of his nose as it rang. I could tell Bella was awake now, and listening too.

“Hey, Billy, it’s Charlie- I’m sorry I’m calling so early… no, she’s fine. She’s sleeping… Thanks, but that's not why I called. I just got a call from Mrs. Stanley, and she says from her second-story window she can see fires out on the sea cliffs, but I didn’t really… Oh!” He suddenly seemed much more annoyed than he was before. “And why are they doing that? Uh huh. Really?” He said it sarcastically. “Well, don’t apologize to me . Yeah, yeah. Just make sure the flames don’t spread… I know, I know, I’m surprised they got it lit at all in this weather.”

Dad got quiet again before adding, “Thanks for sending Sam and the other boys up. You were right- They do know the forest better than we do. It was Sam who found her, so I owe you one… Yeah I’ll talk to you later,” he agreed, still sour, before hanging up.

He muttered to himself as he walked back in the living room.

“What’s wrong?” Bella’s voice startled us both. He hurried to her side.

“I’m sorry I woke you, honey.”

“Is something burning?”

“It's nothing,” he pushed some hair out of her face. “Just some bonfires out on the cliffs.”

“Bonfires?” I knew she wanted him to clarify, but there was no inflection in her voice. She didn’t even sound alive.

“Some kids from the reservation being rowdy,” He tried to explain, the irritation still in his voice.

“Why?” She pushed.

I could tell he didn’t want to answer, His eyes danced between her and the floor and over to me. “They’re celebrating the news.”

I let out a bitter laugh. Of course they were. I grew up around these people, but who cares about that. The vampires left town, what else did I expect the werewolves to do? Maybe I thought they’d be a bit more polite about their victory, but clearly I was wrong.

“Because the Cullens left,” Bella barely mumbled. “They don’t like the Cullens in La Push- I’d forgotten about that.”

I silently started to cry again. Neither of them noticed. I needed to stop thinking about them. The pain was nearly unbearable.

“It’s ridiculous,” Dad spluttered.

There was a long silence before he spoke again, “Bella?” Her eyes drift from the window behind me to his face. “He left you alone in the woods?”

“How did you know where to find me?” She deflected.

“Your note… When you didn’t come back, I called the Cullens and no one answered. Then I called the hospital, and Doctor Gerandy told me that Carlisle was gone.” His name still took my breath away. Bella’s eyes shot to me. I wiped away the tears that fell.

Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye .

He’s gone, He’s gone, He’s. Gone.

“Where did he go?” Her eyes didn’t leave my face. I wasn’t sure who she was asking, but Dad answered.

“Edward didn’t tell you?” Bella winced, clearly in the same pain I was. Dad looked at me. I shrugged and shook my head. “Carlisle took a job with a big hospital in Los Angeles. I guess they threw a lot of money at him.”

I sighed, there was no way they really went to California. That was just the cover story.

“I want to know if Edward left you alone out there in the middle of the woods,” Dad insisted.

She grimaced again, shaking her head. “It was my fault. He left me right here on the trail, in sight of the house… but I tried to follow him.”

Teenagers… I shook my head. At least Carlisle had the sense to leave me in a public place. More pain shot through my chest.

Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye.

He’s gone, He’s gone, He’s. Gone .

Dad tried to say something again. “I can’t talk about this anymore, Dad. I want to go to my room.” Then she shot off the couch and up the stairs.

“Y/n…” I looked at him, he hadn’t moved from the crouch. “Why would they just leave like this? Didn't they know how hard it would be on her?” I raised my eyebrows and his questioning. “And you. God, honey, I’m so sorry…”

I shrugged. There was some shuffling upstairs in Bella's room, I heard the creek of the floorboards, then silence.

“We should give her some space.” I mumbled.

“What about you?” His voice was soft, comforting almost.

“I… I don't know.” I barely recognized the monotonous drone mine had become.

“Space, then.”

I nodded “Space.” He moved to kiss my head, then sat back in the chair.

Without another word, I drifted upstairs to my own room. The door was cracked just a bit. I pushed it open slowly, as if I expected he would be in there.

He wasn’t; of course he wasn’t.

The polaroid Emmett took over the summer, of me and Carlisle dancing in the rain, was no longer on my bedside table. I shut the door behind me needing to lean against it for support. The weight of the day brought me to the floor.

I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

He’s gone, He’s gone, He’s. Gone .

Goodbye…

Part Two <3

Taglist

@jakanddexter67 @a-not-so-poetic-poet @bridge597 @cestlavie03 @gaymazinglula

(I know like two more people asked but I can't for the life of me find where, so if I left you out I'm so sorry and I will add you to the next one. <3)

#carlisle cullen x reader #twilight #twilight renessaince #carlisle cullen #im always in this twilight #twilight x reader #twilight fanfiction #arent we just terrified #new moon #screaming

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