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Call Waiting...

sub!Changbin x dom!reader

word count: 3.2k

summary: You haven’t been quite honest with him about your visit. Nothing makes Changbin more relaxed than a little play date, and it’s been a few weeks since he’s had the time and energy to get on his knees for you. You've decided to take matters into your own hands, literally.

genre: SMUT, office AU, gentle femdom

warnings: adult dialogue, sexual content, dom/sub dynamics, gentle femdom, semi-public sex, office sex, on-the-phone, mouth kink, handjobs, edging, mild choking

18+ only, minors DNI

a/n: This is shameless smut, I can't stop thinking about sub! Changbin tbh.

(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

I've only posted this here and on AO3 - user: spookwyrdie

Sharp heels click on the lovely marble floors as you saunter your way from the reception desk towards his office door. The space is a lovely mix of black and gold, the furniture sleek and the space tidy. You take your time, knowing that the sound of your heels will greet him before you get to his office door. You raise a perfectly manicured hand and rap your knuckles on his door. 

It swings open immediately, Changbin’s face beaming in surprise. “Y/n! To what do I owe the pleasure?”  

He swoops you into his space, closing the door quietly behind you. The smell of dark leather and a clean cologne greets you. The sleeves on his crisp white dress shirt are neatly rolled up, black suspenders in place, the top button of his collar undone. The definition of his wide shoulders is highlighted by his attire. His muscles bulge with every small movement he makes, your eyes are roaming all around his body before you realize he’s waiting for you to reply with a smirk on his face. 

You hold up the takeout bag in your hand, “I thought today would be a nice day for a lunch date. Don’t worry, I checked in with your assistant before I came over, I know you have a free hour or so to spend with me.” 

“I’m expecting a call in a little bit, but I can always make time for you,” he says as he drapes an arm around your waist and kisses your cheek lightly.  

You set the bag down on his desk and start taking out the little plastic trays arranged so artfully. “I made a special order to our favorite sushi place just for you. You deserve it.” 

He moves the scattered papers on his desk, placing them into a black folder. He was apparently hard at work before you came to surprise him with lunch. He moves to his chair and settles into it with a weary sigh. “I’m glad you’re here, my love. It’s been a tough one today with this client and you’re a wonderful distraction.” 

You hand him some chopsticks and put together his meal for him. “I could tell something has been off for a few days, sweets. You need something to help you relax, which is why I'm here.” You toss him a wink, for good measure. You eat together, comfortable chat about nothing in particular passes between you two, giving Changbin a small reprieve from the mental strain he’s been dealing with. 

You haven’t been quite honest with him about your visit. You love bringing him lunch on a particularly stressful day, but you have your own ulterior motives. Nothing makes Changbin more relaxed than a little play date, and it’s been a few weeks since he’s had the time and energy to get on his knees for you. You haven’t had him writhing and whining beneath you in an age and you’re beginning to miss it. You never press the issue but seeing how worked up he’s been getting from constant tasks, you have decided to take matters into your own hands, literally. 

After you both finish up, he leans back and pats his belly with a contented sigh. “Thanks love, I really needed that.” 

You stand and walk around his desk slowly, swaying your hips for good measure, stopping within inches of him at his chair. “You still look tense; I’ll give you a little shoulder rub before I go.” You put your hand out for him to pull him out of his chair and sit in his place. You pat your lap, gesturing for him to get comfortable. Changbin looks at you for a moment, you can watch the gears turning slowly in his head, trying to anticipate how this will go. In the end, he gingerly sits on your thighs.  

You wrap your arms around his midsection and pull him flush with your body. Changbin sits a little taller than you from this angle which is perfect for peppering the back of his neck with small kisses. He giggles and cranes his neck away; you love how ticklish he is. Your hands on his shoulders begin to knead slowly, finding all the knots and tension in his broad back, massaging them out and turning him into putty in your hands.  

Soon his head is lolling to the side, entranced by your fingers and your care. It gives you the perfect opportunity to scrape your teeth lightly at the junction between his neck and shoulder, drawing a whimper out of him as he rocks his hips forward. You latch down and give a light suck to his skin, not enough to leave a mark but enough to have him collapse back against you with his hands gripping the armrests of his chair hard. You chuckle into his neck, “Feeling a little sensitive today?” 

He whines at you poking fun at him as one hand snakes around his waist and the other wraps around his neck. He is pliant in your hands, a delicate squeeze has him moaning “Darling…” You smile against his skin at the use of your title, the little detail telling you he’s slipping into the deep neediness he’s been denying himself these past few weeks. You’re “Darling” when he wants you to take control, turn him into a babbling mess, and lose himself in you.  

He’s grinding subtly in your lap at the pressure you’re applying to his throat, seeking any sort of relief. Your hand around his waist wanders around his body, brushing up against one of his nipples and you feel his stomach muscles contract. He shudders a deep breath out as you slowly rub the sensitive bud, his cheeks dusted with a faint pink hue. The hand on his neck remains, barely applying any pressure, just a feeling of reassurance collaring him. Changbin grasps at your arm with his hands, an anchor for him, something to hold onto while his hips jolt upwards.  

Your hand abandons his nipple to slide down his torso, feeling his abdominal muscles jump at the contact. It travels further down to rest in between his thick thighs, muscles straining the material of his well-tailored pants. He’s already desperately hard, practically throbbing through all the layers of fabric as you drag a nail up his constrained cock. He picks his head up to from your shoulder to watch your hand dance around his length, mesmerized by your movements. Just when it seems like you’re about to grasp him fully, you move to tease him a little more by dragging your nails up his inner thigh. His cock twitches in his pants and he shudders against you with a whine frustration. 

“Shhhh…” you whisper in his ear as you squeeze a little tighter to the sides of his neck. “If you want to cum, you have to be good for your Darling, okay?” He presses his lips together and nods, a small mmmph noise huffing out of him. “Good.” 

When your hands leave his neck and his cock, he gasps at the loss - only to let out a strangled squeak when you grab his suspenders, pull them up, and snap them back down against his chest. The metal adjusters on the straps sting his pecs, so you smooth your hands under the straps and push them down his shoulders, making sure to pay careful attention to the sore skin underneath the metal. You press a kiss just beneath his ear and he melts back into you with a hiss.  

The crisp shirt tucked into his pants gets wrinkled when you pull it free from his waistband. Your fingers nimbly unbutton his pants, sliding the zipper down at an excruciatingly slow pace, making sure he feels the vibrations of every tug against his cock. Your hand slips down and you palm him over his tight boxer briefs, his hips shaking as he grinds into your hand. A small wet spot has already appeared on the fabric concealing his cock from your bare skin, his whimpers come out low and staccato as he lifts his head again to watch your hands again.  

You chuckle at his desperation, “I hardly need to do anything, I bet you could cum from just thrusting up against my hand like this.” 

“N-no-” he begs. “I can be good!” 

“Oh? Can you?” His hips are still gyrating into your hand. 

“Yes, Darling,” he stutters out, his hips halting beneath your touch, his thighs beginning to tremble from the effort to keep still.  

“Good job, sweets. You’re being so good today,” you murmur into his ear. Your palm leaves him, and you hear a protest start to rise in his throat, his breath hitching when your fingers dance along the elastic of his waistband. Gently, you trail them underneath the elastic, to the sensitive skin of his pelvis. His hips begin to shake again as he holds his breath, hungry for your approval more than he wants to chase his orgasm. Your pinky finger lifts the elastic away from his body slowly, pulling up inch by inch until - snap! You let it bounce back onto his hips again as he hisses at the slight sting. 

You push the elastic down his hips enough to let his cock spring free from its confines, slapping against his lower belly. It’s already red and weeping and you drag one finger through the wetness beading up from the tip of his cock. Bringing it to his lips, you press gently into his mouth. He sucks at your finger, groaning at the taste and you watch more pre-cum leak out of his pulsing head. 

"Feet up against the desk,” you say, tapping his thigh. He obliges, lifting his feet and bracing them against the edge of his desk. In this vulnerable position, his body is curled in, relying on you for most of his support. “If anyone walks in right now, they’ll see how much of a good little slut you are for me.” Your whisper in his ear has him shivering against you. “Say it, ‘I’m a good little slut.’” 

“I- I’m a good little slut,” he pants out. 

“Good boy.” You raise a cupped hand to his mouth. “Spit.” 

He drips saliva into your hand, coating your fingers.  

 You grip his cock in your hand lightly, spreading his saliva onto his cock, still teasing him with the barest contact. He mewls at your touch, throwing his head back against your shoulder. You clamp a hand over his mouth as you begin to stroke him, long and languid movements, letting him feel every inch of movement. He throbs in your hand as he moans through your fingers. “If you’re not quiet, I’ll have to shove something in your mouth.” 

He can’t help it, he’s already so fucked out, so deep inside his need for pleasure he can barely hear you. He whimpers as your hand leaves his mouth to reach down for the hem of his shirt. You lift it up, exposing his belly, a soft layer of flesh covering the thick muscles of his abdominals. Bringing the hem of his shirt to his mouth, you press it against his lips until he’s biting it between his teeth. “Good,” you murmur into his ear, as you take his earlobe between your teeth. His moan is muffled a bit by his shirt, and now your other hand is free to roam his torso again. 

With the fabric of his shirt lifted to his mouth, your fingers easily find his exposed nipple, grazing it softly. His abs lurch at the touch, “Oh fuck,” he muffles through his shirt. He leans back again, pressing into you, as he cautiously thrusts up into your hand with every stroke. There’s a fine sheen of sweat coating his forehead now, the effort it takes not to drive into your hand, to chase his high, shakes through his whole body. 

Just then, the shrill ring of the phone makes him gasp. Still at the mercy of your hands, he’s conflicted – ignore it and let you continue or do his job and pick up the phone. He’s already trembling, caught in the middle of his chaotic thoughts when you make the decision for him. Leaning forward, you take your hand off his nipple and reach for the phone. You pick it up gingerly, pulling the corded phone towards you as you lean back again, your other hand never leaving his cock. He turns to look at you, wide eyes and panic flooding his features. You place the receiver against your ear. 

“This is the office of Mr. Seo. Please wait a moment while I connect you,” you grin at him with mischief in your eyes. You hand him the phone.  

“H-hello, is this Mr. Lee?” His voice is remarkably steady for someone who was just panting through the cotton of his shirt a moment ago. A deeper blush erupts on his face at this twist.  

“Yes....I’ve got a draft of the contract drawn up for what we’ve discussed,” he continues. You marvel for a moment at his professionalism and the sadistic side of you wants to push him. Your hand begins to stroke him again slowly, squeezing around the base of his cock with every down thrust.  

“Yes....As per our agreement, the ffff-” his eyes slam shut, his eyebrows drawn together in concentration. “The forms should be f-faxed over later this afternoon...” He begins thrusting into your hand again, matching your unhurried pace. 

“What?...Oh, yes.... I’m fine. Could we schedule a follow-up later? I apologize, but I have... an urgent m-matter to.... attend to,” his breaths becoming fast and hitched again. “I appreciate your f-flexibility, Mr. Lee.” He yelps as you nip at his neck again. Turning towards you, his eyes lock onto yours with a mix of frenzied desire and frustration at this turn of events. “T-thank you. Good-bye." 

He lets the receiver drop to the floor once he hears the click and dial tone on the other end. Changbin turns to you, ready to scold you for that kind of move during a call, but you swoop in for a kiss and he melts. He whimpers into your mouth as your tongue caresses his and you start fisting his cock once again. You break the kiss and murmur against his lips, “You did such a good job, sweets. I think you deserve a reward for being such a professional.” 

That aching hunger is painted on his face again as he nods, “P-please, Darling.” 

You squeeze the base of his cock again, pre-cum trickling down his shaft, adding to the dripping wetness of his cock. A lewd slick noise fills the room as you pick up the pace. He starts to whimper again, eyes clamping shut and thrusting into your hand. You shove your hand into his mouth, gripping onto his lower jaw, to keep him from making too much noise. He moans again as he sucks hard on your fingers, the pitch of his whimpers getting higher. “I’m gonna c-” 

You stop and grip the base of his cock again, hard. He spasms, a wanton whine like gravel in his throat, protesting the loss of friction. He whines around your fingers again, this time in a pleading tone, his eyes wet and sparkly with unshed tears. He lurches forward in your grasp as you coo into his ear, not letting him reach his high just yet. “I said you deserved a reward; I didn’t say it was going to happen right away.”  

Changbin’s practically pulsating in your hand; you could feel his heartbeat twitching in the veins of his cock. You wait for his body to still, fighting to get control, to be good, because he knows nothing feels as good as your praise. As he relaxes into your arms again, you begin pumping his cock again, toying with it. You pop your fingers out of his mouth and grip his neck again. You apply a light hold to his neck, not constricting his airway, so his panting breaths still come freely. His hips start rocking again on their own accord, you know he’s in another headspace all together now, fully surrendered to you. 

His hips start stuttering again, grunting against your hand around his throat, pushing himself into your grasp. Your thumb and middle fingers squeeze a soothing pressure into the sides of his neck. He’s trying to string some words together and failing, fully babbling at your hands. “P-plea-please,” he tries to say. 

“Hmm? What was that, sweets?” 

“Please....m-may I cum?”  

“Please may I cum, who?” 

“PLEASE may I cum, D-” he’s losing his words again, thrusting full speed into your hand, gripping onto your arm, balls tightening as he tries to hold himself back. “DARLING.” 

“Of course, sweetheart. You just needed to ask politely.” You release your hold on his throat and bite down on the sensitive part between his neck and shoulder with that. 

Changbin cries out, cock twitching in your hand as his hips stutter, losing their rhythm. With a few more pumps, he’s gushing, spurting all over his stomach, his chest, even his desk. His hands come to grip the chair behind your head as his hips rock through his orgasm. You clamp a hand over his mouth again to keep his volume down, but he’s gone, groaning into your hand as his whole body shudders. You milk Changbin through his orgasm until his whines take on a painful edge and he starts pushing your hand away, kicking his legs up to get away from the stimulation. 

He collapses back onto you, totally spent. Your hands are the only thing keeping him in place or else he’d probably fall to the floor. You press small kisses to his face and neck as you bring him back down to earth. Your hands trail around his body, reviving him slowly with comfort. Your fingers card through his hair and he sighs into your touch. 

After a few moments, he chuckles. “I’m going to have to teach you proper phone etiquette.” 

You scoff in a mock horror, “Are you saying there’s something wrong with the way I answered?” 

“Yes,” he giggles, eyes crinkling up. “You answered.” 

“I was just helping you with work, my love.” You press a chaste kiss on his temple. He sits up to turn around. His body still shakes a little as he takes your face in his hands for a long kiss. As he pours emotion and gratitude into the kiss, you boil over with pride, a warm feeling erupting in your chest. He leans back, just a breath away from you, tenderness in his eyes and rubs little circles on your cheeks with his thumbs. 

“Well, Darling,” he says, putting a cheeky emphasis on your title. “You can help me with work in other ways.” 

His face grows serious and tender for a moment. “Thank you for this today, really. Only you can make me feel this relaxed when I’ve been having such a hard time.” 

You peck him on the lips again, smiling into your kiss. “I do it because I love you.” 

“Oh, only for that reason?” he says as he stands, pulling up his pants and readjusting his shirt and suspenders. He offers you a hand and pulls you up from the chair into his arms.  

He kisses your nose, and you blush. “I’ll see you at home,” he says. “And if you think I won’t be returning the favor because of work, you’ve got another thing coming.” 

please hear me out. sagira comes back. and everyone comes together at the end of the story/raid to fuck up the Witness. and we get to see Osiris back to his peak as he unleashes hell with Saint

I appreciate how even tumblr agrees so much with bringing Sagira back that it sent your og ask (the one I'm answering rn) three times and your follow-up twice lmfao

But yeah if Cayde, (aka the guy whose death progressed the plot of the story more than he ever did when he was alive*) gets to come back, then I feel like Sagira should as well. I'm hesitant to think that we'll see her reuniting with Osiris- because I don't know if Osiris is gonna be in Final Shape when he was already in Lightfall- but I do really think that it's kinda a fucking shame that we never really got to see the full extent of Osiris's powers, given the fact that he was one of (if not the most) powerful Guardian who ever lived. Sure, we see his reflections and him popping a super in Curse of Osiris, but that's not even close to the shit he did in the lorebooks that I'd kill to see. And tbh, I'd love to see them reunite, reconcilliate over what happened, and then maybe have Osiris realize post-channeling her Light again that he really has found closure with losing it, sort of like driving past your childhood home and realizing that you've moved on for good. I also want Sagira herself to see that Osiris is okay, and that he's become more mellowed out (a teeny bit) now that he's living with Saint, allowed to do research on Strand, and has found fufillment in his job teaching Guardians on how to use it. They've been pair bonded for hundreds of years- thousands if you take into account the time distortion of the Infinate Forest- so it would be a massive wasted opportunity to not have Sagira as one of our guides, and for her to acknowledge how Osiris has grown without her. I think she'd be happy for him, even if the road to get there was hard and bittersweet.

As for the idea of bringing her back for good- it's kind of a mixed bag? I don't think that Cayde is gonna be undeaded at the end of Final Shape, so it probably wouldn't be the same for Sagira, and the arguments that people have about it undoing the whole purpose of their deaths certainly can apply there. (I also think that if Sagira was to ever be returned, it should be via the Young Wolf, Ikora, and Saint teaming up with the Sundial to do it once Mercury was returned, rather than through the Traveler itself.) But on the other hand, I think that Sagira differs slightly from Cayde in that bringing her back doesn't really undermine the impact that her absense had. For one, Cayde's death was a very fitting character beat for him; he always had a sad streak, buried grief from all he'd lost, so death wasn't something that was too jarring or terrible for him because he had lost loved ones presumably waiting for him on the other side (ex: his line 'I'm coming home, Ace'). It was also a fitting death, going out in a blaze of guns and glory, which I suspect is how he expected to die for a good long while- maybe even wanted. And his death was also a catalyst for a long chain of very undoable things to happen, the most prominent being the rise of Crow, and how he was shaped by Cayde's legacy. There is no going back from Cayde's death because of the sheer SIZE of the ripples it made.

(Personally, I think that Cayde being a ghost stuck in the Traveler Dimension doesn't exactly negate this at all, because if he's stuck in the dimension of what once-was in the Traveler, that still means Crow is needed to take his place as Hunter Vanguard- and there's a lot of potential there for Crow to meet him, come to peace with what Uldren did, and to gain the tutoring he needs in order to rise to that position. Cayde can pass on the mantle, endorse Crow to Ikora and Zavala so they don't feel guilty at giving his position to his once-murderer, and then his prescence in FS would be that last nick of closure needed to put him to rest. Which I think that he not only needs, but also wants.)

Sagira's death, on the other hand, was extremely in-character...and also extremely abrupt, and way more focused to a singular character- Osiris. It felt right that someone as stubborn and fiery and fiercely protective would have sacrificed herself to save him, and it was what allowed Savathun to posess him, but in terms of the death and the more widespread impact? Her death was abrupt, and the damage done by Savathun was reversable. Osiris himself was the one who suffered the most from her death (and Saint too, by virtue of being close to Osiris), but I'd argue that her death and its relation to him was less an earthquake chaining into a tsunami and closer to what Mara felt when Uldren died and was revived as Crow- a slap of cold water to the face. Osiris was stubborn, arrogant, entirely determined to save the whole universe by himself- and then his own actions lead to Sagira needing to sacrifice herself to save him, and he was suddenly forced to sit the fuck down and confront the sheer impossibility of his situation. He's mortal now. He's mortal, and he's vulnerable, and is now reliant on other people- so much so that it was Saint and Misraaks who saved his life, and barely. Before, he could just steamroll past all his limits and concerns- and he did- but now there are no second chances, and finally can see what that arrogance and high standards cost him. Sagira dying forced him not only to slow down, but also that he is no longer alone, and can rely on those he loves to solve the problems he used to try to take on by himself-problems far too big for only one man. It taught him how to process grief, and how to appreciate life instead of being so focused on the future that everything sped him by. And it taught him that not only was he no longer the exiled heretic warlock who did everything alone because he HAD to, but that he had a purpose beyond being a Guardian, and people other than Saint who valued and trusted him- people that he could trust in return.

Her death was the harshest lesson he'd ever been taught. Her death changed him. And that isn't something that can be undone, even if she returns and he becomes a full Lightbearer again. Truely, if she returns, it wouldn't have been for naught, because now Osiris has seen what happens when he Icarus dashes flies too close to the sun. It would just be an upgrade to the Osiris we have now, and might even soften him up further. Maybe. From super-hardass to hardass to medium-hardass, I suppose.

(And I really wanna see Ghost and her reunite, aaa. AND I want to see her meet Glint!! Just imagine the teasing that could happen if she met Glint)

Besides- Sagira is the ghost of the Phoenix. It would be fitting for her to return, and to potentially rise again. It wouldn't make sense for any ghost, but it would with her.

*Before anyone gets the wrong idea, I'm adding on a side note here that I don't think Cayde's prescence in Destiny pre-Forsaken was worthless, because it wasn't. He was a very beloved side character, and he did have his place in helping along other major storybeats, but it was BECAUSE he was the hypeman on the sides that his death became a major plot progressor. All that buildup of him being a steady constant was what cumulated in him dying being such a big bang. Sagira did the same, but the impact of her death was focused on Osiris rather than the Young Wolf

Hi Jerrod! I'm a college student taking a music appreciation class, and I have to use the musician I talked about on Day 1 for a project, and that so happened to be you, haha. Is there anyone who has inspired you musically for some of your horror work like Kiss Me/Kill me (which happens to be the song I chose cause honestly? A bop). Thank you so much in advance!

Hmm. Honestly, in cases like that one, I don't really have any conscious inspirations aside from the obvious song itself (as I've mentioned in the past, Kiss Me was mainly inspired by hearing the song on the radio and really listening to the lyrics for the first time and thinking "woah what if she keeps asking to be kissed next to increasingly-creepy things" lol). Started with the lyrics, then once I got the vocals back from Juliëtte I just started with "basic cover of the original song, then just see where I can take it".

The previous work "The Boys are Back (to kill you)" was a much more subdued 'remix', in that many elements were a 1:1 recreation (the backing guitar and bass are remade but mostly adhere to the original) or direct sample (that lead guitar riff) that I built up on in a more subtle way - different drums, lil blips and bloops here and there, but more of a cover than a remix in vibes. Kiss Me starts in a similar way, there's some added synths but it's mostly a close following of the original track with minor embellishments. But as part of the bait-and-switch (in that the listener was intended to assume it's the same situation as the previous one, both in terms of the remix style and the vocals being a sentence-mix), the plan was to just keep winging it in a new direction and see what happens.

Like most of my stuff, the rest kinda formed in this real hazy-to-remember bout of extreme productivity and luck. It's kinda like one of those cartoon fights where you just see a dustcloud and the occasional fist - like I'll zone out (or I guess in) into this very intensely-focused session for hours, and emerge having made a ton of progress thinking "I honestly don't remember how I got here". Sadly can't do it on command (hence my usual low output), but in this case I left everything so last-minute that the stress of the Halloween deadline was really propelling me forward, haha.

Come to think of it, is any of this useful at all? Was the project specifically just about inspirations? If so, kinda sucks that I guess I just went "huh, not really", sorry about that. Obvs not trying to claim my work is immaculate and wholly original and incomparable or whatever (it sure ain't), just that any inspirations for this one were more just my own ingrained inspirations and less conscious ones that I could pinpoint and list, yknow?

A lot of people think Boys are Back was inspired by Neil Cicierega. Which I totally get (on multiple levels, both the sentence-mixed mashup PLUS the "creepy old 90's-style computer UI" stuff are SO his bag), but tbh his work wasn't a direct inspiration in this case, it was mostly another accident. Maybe kind of a "man invents Frankenstein 200 years after Mary Shelley" vibe for sure. Though funnily enough it does take a lil conscious inspiration from one of Neil's works in a less-expected way, in that a distant memory of his track "Super Hey Ya" popped into mind while I was partway through the remix and inspired the lil bouncy chip-arps you hear from 0:50 onward. SHY came to mind on account of being what I guess I'd call an "additive remix", in which he took the whole song and put his own additions on top of it, which was only partially the case for TBaB but it was a bit of a similar process (I specifically remember thinking like "ok so I've got this pretty direct cover of the backing track, I don't want to go full capital-R Remix here but let's add some lil embellishments... oh hey, remember Super Hey Ya?").

Is any of this helpful? Sorry I couldn't really answer the question in a very satisfying way.

enhypen comeback reading

( disclaimer: please do remember to take my readings with a grain of salt. i am in no way a professional tarot reader and all of this are alleged and is for entertainment purposes only. )

comeback sucess domestically

three of cups rx - the hanged man rx - queen of wands

wow i didnt really expect this to be honest haha but nevermind. this comeback might have give mixed feelings to their home country. (this is random but i think they should be beware with scandals or like issues in general..?) as youll see after, ive mentioned below about their theme being something new again; a type of song new to kpop (bighit loves experimenting sm lol), so this could give up a mixed feeling to koreans as theyre not used to this type of song, i think? maybe? they’re really gonne be indecisive with what they’ll feel about this. however with the queen of wands — which is a positive card, we’ll definitely see an improvement with their success domestically! not that big though which is unfortunate, however we could definitely see a difference between the last comeback and now on.

though there will have both feelings regarding their comeback i could definitely see the positive outcome exceeding more. most will feel positive about this which will lead to sucess. they could get music show wins? im not really seeing it as a comeback that’ll do really big domestically but itll earn sucess. not as much as they’ll be internationally but like yall get it.

comeback sucess internationally

PoP.. YEAH theyll get that bag lol this comeback could really make them gain new opportunities and establish a name inside kpop where its only specifically for them. definitely not just gain money but more fans as well. im just wary of the devil because this card usually leads to no good. there might have tendencies they’ll get to sabotage themselves in the long run or for this upcoming season of their comeback (issues incoming) so they should be careful and not be careless just because they already established a name. its best to be cautious.

and it seems like its likely that enhypen are really expecting more and higher sucess too with this upcoming comeback and will just become disappointed with the outcome in the end because they expected more… however this is all honestly in ther head :) it’ll really bring more sucess and opportunities to them! they just expect high outcome most of the time which is not technically a bad thing but 😁 (they’re really driven people and craves for sucess.)

comeback theme/concept

seven of swords rx - ace of swords - three of wands rx

for their theme, first thing that really came to my mind as i pulled the cards was out of the three cards i pulled — 2 of them suits was the sword, which is connected to the air element which usually associates with masculinity, which is actually an obvious fact now that their comeback correlates with masculinity lol however with the 7oSr and AoS, their theme for this comeback could be seen from the fans pov as something fresh? new? (another experiment song maybe?) song or like its instrumental could be something that isn’t really heard inside kpop honestly. Now focusing on AoS and 3oWr, for AoS — royalty? mountains? ocean? i can see a crown included? and of course a sword! :) which was already shown in the concept trailer.

(im not good with knowing keywords so please bear with me 😭 not an english speaker too so this is a bit hard lmao back to the reading) for 3oWr, chaos.. rebelions.. im seeing past? something like that and tbh im seeing overseas too which was already shown as they filmed scenes outside korea. and maybe the theme is even something traditional?

keywords: recklessness. rebelliousness? (their concept have always been something about being rebel like) nature. royalty. i can see a crown. swords. fighting. battle between mind and what you truly desire type of concept. conflicts. something about emotions that is usually associated with fire. (madness, insanity, destruction) tradition. sorrowness. castles. nature. mountains. lakes. reminiscing. beginning. leaves? branches?

note: this is really rushed as i still have tons of tasks to do so please bear with me if there are grammatical errors or things u might have not understand in general.

[reading was done at May 2, 2023.]

Signalis Doom - 4

Another mixed bag of a day, largely spent on textures. Did you know video games tend to have alot of them? So today's issue came from me grappling with the fact that what's good for Signalis texturing is not good for Doom texturing. At first, i didn't see the issues though. Signalis's Textures are all actually at or around doom's texture resolutions, and it's sprite sheets can easily be chopped up into good looking walls and pillars and such.

The problem comes from two places. 1. these are textures made to wrap around a 3d model, not laid out along a floor or a solid wall, so i had to figure out exactly how i was going to chop it up. Do i have a few solid pieces? do i chop it up into a dozen small ones so i have the most control? the answer is it's gonna vary.

For example. here's a chunk of the Penrose and it's wall texturing. The entire room is one model, and every part of it(including the lil' spires in the corners) are all pulling from the same sheet. Each part is meant for dif stuff, which explains why some chunks are much brighter, or darker, than others. That's great for UVing, but i don't really know what i'm supposed to do with something like this. What do i do with the clearly darker chunk of wall? Sometimes, there are walls that have a lil' extra line on the bottom, or the top, and i don't know why. I think they'd texture rooms so that dif parts would look better to the camera angle. That's great for their angle, but a bit odd in first person.

I mean it guess it's not that weird, but i think it'd have to edit it to have a more natural falloff or somesuch. It doesn't look great ported as-is, and this problem comes up alot (this is a minor example tbh) 2. Doom's textures more often than not are expected to look acceptable when used on large surfaces. This means floors and walls and such need to be able to tile (or repeat forever) cleanly, but without drawing too much attention to the repetition. Like a walking loop, you don't want a specific action to pop too much because it'll call attention to the loop.

Signalis's textures, however, are often very small textured tiled very aggressively. It's something that you don't think much about in a slow game from a pulled back perspective. However, once you're low to the ground and moving at a clip, not only do you notice the repetition, but it can honestly get a bit nauseating to see the patterns whoosh by.

the floor textures look like this. Most areas are made up of the middle tile in the ring, with the ring parts often running along walls. The bits on the righjt and bottom are often used to break up the visuals. At first, i thought this would be a big problem. The 32x32 tiles just repeat too hard to look good. However, i am a dummy, and forgot that this is pretty easily solved by breaking the ground up and slotting those tiles in.

Now, it's more work than it'd be on a 3d model, cuz i'm gonna need to remember to do this manually. But, that solves the problem of using the little details. Doesn't really solve this tiled floor being a nightmare to see stretch on forever, but at least it's something. --- I spent a bit of time working on getting some 3d models and stuff into the game as a test, which didn't go great. The community models for the characters are fantastic, however, they don't deform well when converted to the .md3 format.

GZDoom doens't used fbx files, it uses OBJ for static stuff, and MD3 (an old quake 3(?) file type) for stuff with animations. It's an old old format, and only really works via a couple of blender addons or old modeling programs. Conversion from obj/fbx/ect to md3 can always be funky, i don't really know why, it just can be. Sometiems it works, or sometimes you need to model in md3 from scratch. i don't know how far i'm gonna go with that. I also played aroudn with getting sprite turnarounds of the characters. However, that's going to take it's own tech setup that i didn't give much time to today.

Overall, a pretty frustrating day, but i got alot more stuff in-engine and figured out mass naming schemes and so on. I can't say i've really solved any problem, but I'm gonna pretend noticing the problems is progress in-of-itself. So uhh, i dunno, hey do you wanna see Ariane's bathroom? god, poor girl, 20(?????) years in that tube and this is what she's got to work with.

(the blender scene is not mine, it was assembled by a very skilled person on the signalis discord. all credit goes to whoever did it, they're a godsend)

Tattoo day 💖

(A tale of hope, wonder, happiness, and the existential horror(?) of having ink beneath one’s skin, though vastly overshadowed by the elation in having such beautiful pieces of art adorning my body.)

(Hitting post!!! As always: Feel free to reply and chat etc etc I am DELIGHTED!!)

So it was a weird day because I left later than I had initially wanted to.

My plan of wanting to go relax in my favourite gardens beforehand was a bit foiled by the need to sleep (I went to an event the evening before and despite trying to get my laundry done and my bag packed uhhh it was still midnight before I sort of made it to bed so I decided to take a later trip instead)

But I passed by my favourite island on the way and the weather was absolutely beautiful!!!

The sparkles on the ocean are like?!? Maybe all is good in the world if it can sparkle like this? 💖✨

My note from the ride is:

The world glitters

(I am by the ocean on a sunny day)

But it’s ok that I didn’t get my garden time. I still managed to get a monthly special croissant from a bakery I really like to stick in my bag before getting sushi across the street from the tattoo shop and then heading over 💖

I uh. Should’ve eaten more earlier in the day but oh well. My artist told me to take Advil before to reduce swelling so I did (and my friend said I didn’t bleed very much at all which was nice esp bc I had mixed advice on the Advil beforehand) but I also took Tylenol bc I had a headache (it’s. been a fairly bad pain week in both head and body honestly so I’m just happy that my hips and legs were ok to walk bc there isn’t really another option in the city unless I want to pay ridiculous amounts of money AND still have to walk)

(I did accidentally kick a syringe while walking to the bus but there was no needle and I wear closed toe shoes and I am still alive so I’m assuming I’m ok tbh. Even though I was kinda trying to watch where I’m going I’m maybe just. Not *that* city savvy)

One of my absolute best friends who lives sort of in the area joined me for the whole thing 🥰💖

She approved the Vibes of the shop (and truly it was so nice to have her there as support) (also all three of us being not neurotypical was very nice as well) though was quite worried about the amount of shading that was on the art piece I got 😬 but bc it wasn’t a HOLY SHIT WHAT ARE YOU THINKING moment she held off until after so I didn’t get scared of that 🫂

We did the text piece first and a few parts of the outline hurt a bit more than I was expecting based on the “small little line” that my Artist started each section out with first (which was very kind of them bc I had no idea what to expect) but strangely enough the filling in of the text outline was perfectly fine.

And then for my arm piece I chose to lay on my stomach (maybe I should’ve had a pillow or something to lay on as well?) bc it’s WAY more comfy for me than to lay on my side as was suggested but I just was not comfortable 😬 though my left arm kinda kept falling asleep a bit so I had to readjust sometimes to have it not fall asleep.

The shading. Uh. Definitely was “ok this is fine oh Ouch” each pass but it was ok. I’m most comfortable on my stomach and until it was like getting a bit bad and I wanted to talk as a distraction I was actually kinda thinking that maybe I could fall asleep?

Unfortunately there was a very sudden wave of nausea when we were almost done this one and I threw up in my mouth a little bit. It’s ok. But swallowing back down the acid definitely fucked up my throat through the next day.

So I had a break and slowly sipped on the juice box I brought and held hands with my friend (“you’re almost there and not the fake almost there like you’re actually nearly done”) and then we continued in a seated position instead (which. Is fine for the amount that was left but I am very glad that I didn’t have to sit like that for longer than that did.) (anybody that can’t sit normal Knows) (I asked if there was anything I could put my feet on and luckily there was a stool so I could sit more comfortably.)

Then after we went to the pharmacy for aquaphor and a sugary snack for me (I got a chocolate bar)

She had to go back to work but we got to take the bus most of the way together before I switched to the next part of the trip to my aunt’s where I stayed for the night.

And then I got to hang out with my sister and have a bit of a lazy morning (kinda avoiding going home tbh) which was super nice! Coffee and a little breakfast snack before going to get bao (we got a few different kinds - I liked the red bean one best :)) and eating them in the complex’s yard- shifting our position in the yard as the sun moved (I was initially going to be in the shade but it was cold and wet and I Specifically wore a long sleeve for sun protection to protect the new tattoos (I don’t burn easily but that’s not the point). And then the bubble tea place nearby opened so we got bubble tea :) and shared a waffle but I didn’t really want very much I just wanted to try it but then I was hungry by the time I got to the second part of my trip back home which is fine I got food then.

And then I did have to leave to go home if I didn’t want to be too late.

Gosh I always end up sweating when I go up and down one of the big ramps in a glass enclosure so even though I tried to really take it easy to avoid sweating I fear I may have a bit. But I think it should be okay? (I feel like I’m doing okay now a week later)

I made it home around 7 or so? And then had to like. Talk to mum for an hour or so while I was just trying to eat so I could take another Advil before bed which. Is fine. But I was tired all weekend and still am tired (esp given I now have Flesh Wounds to heal which makes me extra eepy) (it makes me smile to say eepy instead rn so I’m gonna)

Every time I look at my arm I smile I’m so happy 💖🥰

And every time since that I think I don’t love myself I just. NO. I love myself so much that I started to adorn myself with art to carry with me at all times.

I love myself so much that I faced my phobia of needles (though it IS much easier when not faced with them individually) in order to get one of the things I’ve wanted inked into me for a long time and another that I was just fully captivated by when I saw that design available (and STILL available when I decided to go for it which I’m super happy about 🥰)

I’m so glad that I did go for it.

I’m so glad I didn’t get caught up in any bullshit of “oh when I lose weight” even though I’ve been about the same size for years. Or get caught up too much in what other people will think of me.

I’m so thankful I was able to get these tattoos 🥰💖

And now I just hope that I’m able to heal well 🥰💖

And all that said. It just feels *right*.

When I look down at my forearm and see one of the things I’ve envisioned there for a long time. When I look in the mirror and see black ink against my skin it feels more like I’m at home in my body. 🥰🥹

It feels right

(Well. Right now it feels itchy. But it feels right 🥰)

it’s FLAKY but ah well.

(As a side note if we’ve talked here I am most likely willing to send you pictures privately)

20 for the end of year book asks?

20 - what was your most anticipated release? did it meet expectations?

so I've actually been terrible about keeping up with new releases for ages, lmao. i'm always at LEAST three years behind the curve tbh. (often a lot more. stares guiltily at my unread Ancillary Justice paperback I bought before it even won the Hugo. er.) but I did have two books I knew of ahead of time and read this year and read!

one was novella The Iron Children by Rebecca Fraimow, which I knew of as the author is a friend's friend and I like to buy books my friends' friends write, haha. that one absolutely matched my expectations- it's extremely fun and snappy sci-fi with creative religious worldbuilding, an economy of exposition that's very hard to nail in such a small pagecount, and a deft hand with a surprising amount of POV shifting for such a brief book. especially in the second half it really held my attention. i'm looking forward to her novel out next year now!

another was The Death I Gave Him by Em X. Liu, which was a little more of a mixed bag. for context, i am obsessed with Hamlet and contractually obligated to read any and all Hamlet retellings put in front of me, lol, so of course I had to buy it day of. 'queer sci-fi locked room mystery Hamlet debut novel' is just the sort of thing everyone demands i tell them my opinions on. buying it was kinda a no brainer ngl.

it was… mmm, a mixed bag for me? it's a book i think is probably more compelling the fewer specific, concrete opinions you have on the play itself, more in conversation i think with cultural conversation about Hamlet than the play itself at points. look, i have extremely strong and specific opinions on what the play is About TM and what themes are so core to the concept that you cannot afford to drop them. unfortunately, this book… largely drops one I think it absolutely necessary (one that's very commonly dropped by modern retellings), and generally ends in a way I think is a fairly weak attempt at subversion that undermines itself as a text talking about Hamlet-the-play. this all sounds super negative, but I actually liked a lot of things about it, and still gave it a 3/5! and i do think it's a thing where like. my opinions on Hamlet are incredibly idiosyncratic and strongly held, haha. i think generally this book is worth recommending and a lot of folks loved it more than me, just. it is still not the kind of Hamlet retelling i crave, alas.

Hi Ange! Just read your pinned post about yourself (been following you for awhile but never read below the masterlist…I’m sorry :(

Could you plz talk about Ewan’s accent and his hometown Derbyshire for a little since you live in England? (assume you’re English if you’re not once again I apologize!) I’ve seen the online discourse about the midland thing but I don’t really understand it lmao, maybe it’s about the geographic and economical disadvantage of the midland? Maybe something cultural related to midland England as well? I actually once visited Birmingham when I stayed in the UK I think it was fine.

Can’t believe my obsession with Aemond and Ewan has branched to this but I can’t help it lol I wanna know more about him his hometown:) Thank you!

No need to apologise - I actually only created the intro post today, so you were very snappy in picking up on that!

I am half Swedish, a quarter Maltese and a quarter English. I grew up in Canada, but have lived in England for almost 23 years, so am definitely comfortable talking about it.

Ewan's accent is pretty bog standard in what you can expect of someone that's born and bred in Derbyshire tbh. I appreciate that it can be difficult for people from outside of the UK to understand - even people from other regions of the country will occasionally have trouble. They tend to drop the consonant blends from words and mumble, which means you have to really listen when they speak.

Derbyshire itself is kind of a mixed bag. The crime rate is really high and there are areas that are really impoverished and quite dangerous. However, large parts of it are absolutely gorgeous. The Peak District National Park is in Derbyshire. It's an area of outstanding natural beauty with peat covered moorlands and limestone dales. The villages are picturesque and look like something from a greeting card.

I hope I've sated your curiosity a little!

Knuckles voice actor ranking time!!!!!!! I said I’d do this after Prime came out but I’m slow hush

Going from worst to best (even though number one should be very obvious if you know anything about me). ofc, nothing against any of these VAs I’m judging them solely on how I personally think they stack up as voices for a fictional echidna!!!!! OK LET’S GET STARTED.

In last place, the 14th spot, is Fred Tatasciore, from the Sonic Drone Home short. I understand that he was just a replacement for Idris Elba for a little short, but this voice for Movie Knuckles is very unfitting. And, I know this isn’t the actor’s doing, but some of the way the lines were put together in the short felt very stiff and unnatural? And the voice itself makes him sound like a meat head. Bleh. Just, not a fan. 13th is Brian Drummond, from Sonic Underground. It’s.. a very different interpretation of his voice, lol? It’s the most high pitched and “cartoony” one, to me. It’s not bad at all tbh, just.. idk, not what I was expecting lol. It’s fine. Pre-Frontiers Dave B. Mitchell would be here instead if judged solely by his Team Sonic Racing performance. That specific performance was way more ear-bleeding to me than Brian Drummond’s will ever be. 12th is Bill Wise, from the English dub of the Sonic OVA. Similar to Brain Drummond, I don’t actually dislike this voice at all. It’s just very different to the others, so I’m not sure how to rank it. Apples and oranges, y’know? He makes Knuckles sound more like an average guy instead of a cartoon character, which is why he’s above Brian Drummond, but that’s really it. It’s a perfectly solid performance. 11th is Adam Nurada from Sonic Prime. I have similar complaints as everyone else has had, his voice is just too deep. And some specific lines stand out as being especially bad, giving me “Patrick Star” vibes. But, when he’s not sounding like an impression of THE idiot cartoon character, I do actually like his take on Knuckles. I think if he didn’t force his voice deeper than necessary he would sound great, I’m assuming it’s a direction problem? It’s a bit of a mixed bag, some lines are bad, but most are fine and even good. The previous two are better performances imo, but as a character voice for Knuckles, I give Adam Nurada the edge. 10th is Ryan Drummond. Yeah, Sonic’s first English voice actor. He voiced Knuckles for one game, being Sonic Shuffle. It’s basically just a Michael McGaharn impression lmao. It’s got that “generic super hero voice” vibe that reminds me of Knuckles’ SA1 E3 voice lol. 9th is Michael McGaharn, from SA1. I like how young and confused he sounds, he makes Knuckles actually sound like a naive teenager, but I have to admit that the delivery is very flat and emotionless. Parts of the E3 version are more emotive, but it has that problem I just mentioned where it sounds like some super hero voice, which makes me feel like the character himself is acting, which brings me out of it. I did really like this direction for the character, but the execution was a little shaky. 8th is Yasunori Matsumoto, his Japanese OVA voice. AFAIK this is Knuckles’ first voiced appearance, ever? I really like the deep voice, and how he sounds like an average dude. Honestly I would probably rank him higher bc this is just exactly what I want out of a Knuckles voice lol, but it’d just feel wrong for me to put this one-off role above the actors that stuck with the character for multiple years. It’s really good. 7th is Travis Willingham. He is amazing as Boom Knuckles and fits perfectly, but for game Knuckles, he just never... clicked for me. I look at Knuckles and hear Travis’ voice come out of him and there’s just a disconnect for me. It just... isn’t Knuckles to me. He’s an amazing actor, and fits fine enough, but he never felt quite right as Knuckles, to me. He is PEAK as Boom Knuckles, tho. There’s none of that disconnect at all when his voice comes from Boom Knuckles’ mouth. 6th is Dave B. Mitchell. As previously stated, if this were solely based on his TSR performance he would be way down at the bottom of the ranking. I can only assume it was due to terrible direction. That TSR voice is literally unlistenable to me. But, since then, his Knuckles voice has improved significantly. I do admit that it sounds very much like a Travis impression, but something about the more recent direction makes me prefer Dave’s take, while I still have to admit that I think Travis is objectively a better actor. Dave was amazing in Frontiers, and was great in the twitter takeover. Somehow, his voice coming out of Knuckles’ character model feels more fitting than Travis’ ever did to me. It may just be a writing thing. I’m glad Dave has good material to work with now. It’s still not quite the kind of voice I would prefer for Knuckles, but he does a good job.

5th is Dan Green. Dan Green was probably the Knuckles voice I had the most exposure to as a kid, because I watched Sonic X’s dub. He sounds fantastic when he yells, lol. I love the energy he brings to the character. He was really fitting for the character, and I do wish Knuckles would go back to having this kind of voice. I.. really have nothing bad at all to say about his Knuckles voice. He’s only fifth because I personally like the upcoming four better, it’s just preference. He’s great. 

 4th is Scott Dreier. I just LOVE how chill he is, while still being able to nail the angrier lines. Objectively, he’s not as good of an actor as many of the previous entries, but as a Knuckles voice I adore his take. When I read Knuckles lines in fics, this voice is the closest to what I hear.. though I tend to not include the American accent lol. Some of his delivery is a little monotonous, especially in SA2, but tbh I kinda prefer his SA2 performance more than his Heroes one. I like how calm it is. I tend to not prefer when he ramps up the gruffness too much, it sounds like he’s trying too hard, but when he hits that balance just right it is GREAT. It sounds like I’m dropping a lot of negatives but that’s just because it’s a little inconsistent, but those parts of this Knuckles voice that I like, I REALLY like. 3rd is Vincent Tong. REALLY surprising that one of Sonic Prime’s new Knuckles VAs is up so high! We don’t get to hear him do a “normal” Knuckles voice, because he voices all of Knuckles’ shatterverse variants (Renegade, Gnarly and Dread), but he does AMAZING. His range is absolutely insane! Every one of the three versions of Knuckles he voices sound perfect for that specific variant. When I heard his voice for Dread my first assumption was that they pulled in a third voice actor because it was so drastically different to the others, but no it’s still him! It’s incredibly impressive! Some of Renegade’s lines where the accent is less present are PERFECT for normal Knuckles. Literally my ideal English Modern Knuckles voice. Like if Game Knuckles was given a voice like that, and it stuck around, my life would be complete. I WOULD BE SO HAPPY. 2nd is Idris Elba. Do I even need to explain!? He KILLED it as Movie Knuckles. He stole the entire movie! That casting decision was absolutely phenomenal. He does such an amazing job. It doesn’t feel like one of those cases where they hire a celebrity just for the sake of the name, he actually fits the character flawlessly. Any other voice simply would not work. He makes Knuckles sound intimidating, but also bluntly honest and trusting, and carries his comedy perfectly. Some of the jokes WOULD NOT have landed as well if it weren’t for his amazing delivery. Knowing that he’ll be returning for the Knuckles series is half the reason I’m so excited for it. If I heard that they were getting someone else to voice Movie Knuckles for the series, I think I’d be... concerned. But with Idris Elba on board, I know that, at the very least, Knuckles will sound great in the series. And in 1st place is, of course, Nobutoshi Canna. Knuckles’ Japanese voice actor that has stuck around since Sonic Adventure all the way back in 1998. He was perfect back then, and remains perfect today. He has voiced Knuckles in EVERYTHING since Sonic Adventure. Every game, every show, everything (barring the Sonic Movie 2) . He has been with the character for decades. He is THE Knuckles. I revisit some of my favourite lines of his all the time because I just can’t get enough of his voice. I LOVE WHEN HE YELLS SO MUCH. There’s something about his.. enunciation? that I just ADORE. idk how to describe it, there’s just some quality to his voice that I could listen to for FOREVER. The only negative I can think of is that he does not work for Boom Knuckles. His voice is just incompatible with a dumb Knuckles, that was the only case where it would’ve been better find another VA in my opinion. But for every other Knuckles he’s voiced is just utter perfection. I cannot sing enough praise for this man.

I like to listen to your unhinged playlist while waiting for the chapter to set the mood. And sometimes I'm so baffled how accurate some lyrics are 😅

Bodybag by Chloe Moriondo

"Don't know if I hate you or if I wanna date you

Put you in a body bag instead of my bed

I don't wanna like you, I just wanna tie you up

Then keep you in a cage and watch you sleep for ages"

And

"Wanna kiss you on your cheeks but I also wanna punch your teeth"

I can see in my mind how Pete could feel so conflicted. Being so frustrated by Vegas to the point of thinking of being violent but on the other side he does want to tie Vegas up and keep him in bed. Sometimes wanting to kiss Vegas until he says something weird and now he wants to punch the teeth out.

But even though Pete is conflicted and gets really angry at Vegas all the time. He is also very possessive. I mean most people would expect Vegas being "keep you in cage" type. But Pete can be as possessive and obsessive over Vegas too. He just didn't let himself be like this yet. The most is hidden under all his survival instincts.

I love this type of dynamic between them. And I can't wait for Pete to become more possessive over Vegas. (And being feral about it is also my favorite)

I don't remember if I asked what song lyrics you chose for this chapter? 😁

Also I find it funny how after this song the next one is Use Me which is so filthy and could be interpreted as Vegas's answer to Pete's conflicting desires 😄 I love to imagine some kind of plot with these songs. It's such a fun addition to this pairing ❤️

ahh i love that you're listening to it!!! omg yeah some of the lyrics are like supes disturbing and SO them like it really does set the mood hahahahha

oh yes i totally agree pete does have a possessive streak that we've only really seen tiny hints of (and there will be more scenes later where pete makes it very clear to others who vegas belongs to lol he will not be sharing)

oh!!! i don't think you have but i am settling on obvious blase by the used for this one! its got a great mix of angst and hopefulness which is where i think vegas is sitting emotionally atm and feeling kind of bittersweet about his situation:

'Broken so completely, built me up in the same way

Devour me so sweetly, you prefer me sick this way, I’ll stay sick this way

Six feet in my guilt, Broken hinges on my casket

The way it has to end is always bittersweet, Take this, take this away from me"

oh i love that idea!!! tbh ive just chucked them in once im certain a song hits their vibe there's no particular order to them (besides the first few songs which are in order of each corresponding chapter title of the fic in case nobody noticed that haha)

but i love that youre making up side plot with the songs!! we love a song headcanon for sure!

hi! if you don’t mind talking about it, how would you say being autistic has shaped you working in media/journalism? just curious bc we’re obvs all different, as are our traits, but i feel like a job in that area would be so at odds with my experience of my autism and i was wondering how you feel about it <3

been meaning to answer this for ages and then there's autism discourse (one of the worst five discourses) on twitter and I suddenly remembered about it.

as you say, everyone's experience and traits are different. and I didn't know I was autistic until I was in my late 20s, so have a particularly different experience of it. so, this is not 'how all autistic people would experience it' it's just like, how I find it.

I'd also say there is an extremely high prevalence of neurodivergence in motorsport journalists. probably journalists generally but particularly motorsport. but mileage varies across all of that, of course.

things that make it hard: I struggle with, for instance, asking visibly upset drivers for interviews. it makes me feel sick with empathy (it's not true autistic people don't have empathy, we often have too much) - but I don't think that's a bad thing. tbh I think there's too much emphasis on trying to be hard on interview subjects and it's like, what do you expect to get out of this?

conversely, I think it helps with interviewing drivers other people can't. I get interviews other people don't and there's people who'll talk to me when they won't talk to others. so, that's a mixed bag.

it's difficult in terms of the job being social but honestly I don't know how much that's being autistic or being a woman. you get excluded from stuff a lot but I don't think that's because I'm not friendly or can't make friends. stuff like drinks receptions or whatever is difficult, especially in places where it's sensorily overwhelming but like, that is what it is and it's not technically a necessary part of on-the-clock work.

where it doesn't help, at all, is some social media stuff. I can get wound up and overwhelmed relatively easily and I find it hard to step away from things. meltdowns are just, well, meltdowns and I am chernobyl in that respect. it's not, y'know. dignified or acceptable and I've never worked out a balance of how to remove or protect myself from it; obviously being autistic doesn't mean you have meltdowns on twitter but for me it's definitely one of the things that I can't cope with as part of being autistic.

it also... I know I would be bad at TikTok because I don't smile and I'm not expressive. that sort of to-camera Insta story and TikTok stuff, I can't do and it frustrates me a bit because that seems to be the only way to get traction and it's also tied up with male journalists not having to do it and oh [pulls duvet over head]

anyway; other ways it helps are the travelling, for me. I know some autistic people would not have this experience and might find it overwhelming but I can memorise huge chunks of stuff, like airport layouts and maps of cities and use the puzzle-solving bit to figure stuff out even when I can't read a language. I'm an information sponge and can process it quickly - which can sometimes make situations overwhelming but so long as I'm travelling on my own I'm quite good at retreating into myself to deal with that. (I can't stand travelling with anyone who faffs around, it's the absolute worst. do or do not there is no faff)

I can grasp topics easily and complex stuff goes into my brain fast (and stays there) which is helpful for the tech stuff. some of that is that I am smart in that specific way (which is not the only way to be smart, obviously) so

I don't think my mental health is dogshit because I'm autistic, I think my mental health is dogshit because I have a laundry list of trauma that, honestly, it's quite impressive I operate despite of and try to be relatively kind to myself about, with mixed success. but sometimes it is also affected by being autistic; I can be very sensitive to things that other people don't think are anything and upset myself for days. sometimes, even though I am very highly trained to understand cues, I don't and then I'll misunderstand something and upset myself.

some things, like being nervous to email pitches - well, it's just cus emailing pitches is fucking scary as hell to everyone. a lot of stuff about motorsport journalism (or anything, frankly) is just scary and hard and complicated and it's the same for everyone. sometimes it helps that I have a ruthlessly efficient bit of my brain that deals with things like accreditation systems, sometimes it makes me feel like shit because I'm anxious and paranoid about what's been used from filming I've done and whether I missed obvious cues that they were going to fuck me over.

so: a mixed bag, I guess. and it would be different for everyone.

There have been avatrice gifsets all over my dashboard for weeks and it looks like the cutest ship ever, so I looked up the show since I knew next to nothing about it, and what I read was… sort of a mixed bag? At the same time, I’ve only heard positive stuff on here and I just came across your posts about it, all of which sound insane in the most fun way possible when they reference plot, so I’m trying to get my bearings on this show.

I guess what I’m asking is: how good is the show aside from the aborable-ness of avatrice? If I’m honest with myself I’ll probably end up watching it even if it’s not that good, because the gifsets will eventually break me, but I’m trying to know what kind of expectations to have.

hello!! yeah it's a weird-ass story synopsis i will definitely give you that dfkhgkjsdkfs

i think it's great!! i'm not sure if you're familiar but i got wynonna earp vibes from it, which is v much a compliment bc i love that show w my whole self. it's kinda campy (it's combat-trained nuns.) but in an endearing self-aware way, and it's just full of Heart and family and also SO SO SO many women which should be enough of a reason on its own tbh. also a lot of interesting (sometimes subtle sometimes not) things about religion if that's what you're into. ALSO everyone talks with an accent and/or speaks multiple languages which is just..hot? :)

the plot is FUCKING WILD i swear i haven't been that caught off guard by plot twists in a long long time, maybe ever, and it is so fun not knowing what the hella fuck is going on. also ava i think is remarkably compelling as a character and the show gives her a lot of space to be so many things which is so wonderful, and she will give you a lot of stuff to chew on if that's what you like to get out of your blorbos

to be honest with you avatrice is primarily a s2 thing (obviously they interact in s1 esp toward the end but not nearly as much) but s1 is worth it, ava gets so so much time and space to grow (alba baptista is incredible) and there are a lot of other awesome characters so i think there's a little bit for everyone. you should watch it it's so fun!!

Hello, Cianna

Lately I've been dealing with an issue and I really have no one to tell them about it. In the last couple ou months I came to the realization that I've been represing my sexuality and that I might not be straight (I don't really like labels, I just know that I like girls, maybe even more than guys). The problem is, I feel like this puts a barrier between me and my group of friends. You see, they are all straight girls, with the exception of one, who is bi, but dates a guy and is pretty much a confident outsider on many occasions. I don't want to feel like an outsider, as I really like my friends (and don't really have anyone else, but them), but I end up not sharing enough about my self, as most of the stuff I like is pretty queer (shows, art, music, style I would like to adapt). Any advice? I am just scared I will subtly start to feel rejected by them, as we have different views on the world (they are not homophobic, but they are pretty traditional tbh) and don't relate to the same things.

first and foremost i think you should proudly be who you are, bc life is too short and it ends faster than any of us think. constantly suppressing yourself leads to cognitive dissonance, which leads to chronic unhappiness (been there). you should be hanging out w people who bring out the best in you, not force you to lock it away. so no matter what you decide, it should be w the goal in mind that you need to be who you are.

i think communication is always worth a shot. people surprise you sometimes. maybe they’d care enough to be more kind and understanding of you. unless you think it’s a lost cause, in which case like… i don’t want to say it means they’re not your friends, but if you can’t look past your heteronormativity to make your friend feel welcome, that is so shallow. like it takes a special person to be that way. my friends are all a mixed bag of sexualities, and not once did any of us make the other feel alienated about it. that’s just so juvenile and close-minded. not something adults would (or should) do at all.

if all else fails, i think i’d just silently demote them to enjoyment friends—not friends i’d consider to be actually close to me, but friends i’d hang out w to fulfill my social quota. if you really care about these girls, and don’t think they’re coming from a malicious place, then maybe just adjust your expectations. accept that they might not be very understanding of your sexuality, but hang out w them whenever you feel the need to fulfill a social quota/if you like other aspects to them. and ofc, be on the lookout for people who’d actually accept you for who you are. you can even cut them off if it becomes too much, bc suppressing yourself like this—it will lead to resentment. it’s not a sustainable thing.

whatever you do, i think you should be honest about who you are/your interests. you will be so unhappy otherwise

Polyam!Mc With Thick Curly Hair

Honestly just wanted to write for a character who has thick curls because I know the hair care is so intricate. My family is half pin straight hair and half curls, so growing up it was always a mixed bag of who was going to get what.

Also, some of this might conflict with canon because I haven't played in a while. But I'm tRyiNg. Also also, I hoped this goes as I planned. I didn't get the curly hair gene of my family, but I did see my cousins grow up with it, and a lot of my favorite creators also talk about their hair care. It's always a cool thing to learn about, but I'm sorry if it's not super specific to one curl type or if I messed up.

Lucifer

He doesn't really think about your hair until he sees everything required to maintain it.

(IMO) He's the type to water hair care down to the very basics. He knows Asmo goes out of his way to be excessive, so he probably doesn't expect more then three products and a simple routine from most people.

Asks you if you need help.

^Tbh he's probably the second best brother to ask for assistance when it comes to these matters. Being the oldest, Lucifer has been exposed to a lot of stuff. Sure, none of his siblings have curls, but he's of the belief that nothing can be harder than that time Asmo needed help styling a wig.

(He's thankful that Lilith, while she was alive, was fairly self sufficient. He doesn't think he could have done that every single day)

Makes a mental list of everything you use but still doesn't understand what the hell everything is.

"What's the difference between volumizing and thickening?" "You're hopeless."

Mammon

Probably doesn't treat your hair much different, except for one thing: he likes to watch your curls bounce.

Sometimes pulls on your strands just to see them return to shape.

(He's is everyone's worst nightmare when it comes to personal space. Honestly give him like a slinky or something and that might get him to keep his hands to himself)

Also he definitely uses your stuff I'm so sorry.

If he likes how it smells, it doesn't matter if it's meant for his hair type or not. He's using it.

Which might be a step up from the axe spray and 3-in-1 body wash, but that's up for you to decide.

Leviathan

Very interested in how you take care of your hair.

(Cosplay opportunities pop up at random times. It wouldn't hurt to learn this skill.)

Might get intimidated by everything, but he is a quick learner.

He's also incredibly nervous about messing up your hair so like, Levi might shut down if you give him a task he deems too big.

If you use hair accessories a lot, he's probably going to get stuff for you that's related to the many fandoms he's apart of (Or he might make stuff for you if there isn't anything avaliable. Definitely would be the type to decorate clips and beads.)

((If you get your hair braided, he likes watching the process. Asmo does too but Levi most likely finds great satisfaction in such skilled work.))

Satan

Isn't really going to notice much.

Probably likes playing with hair though so if you do treatments you gotta be ready to tell him off.

(Or tell him off in general if you just don't want him playing with it. He'll understand, no hurt feelings here. Unlike Mammon who will act like you stabbed him and left him to die)

"I can't tell what's yours or mine in here" He says, as he searches through the shower filled with your hair products and his potions.

Asmodeus

Pays incredible detail to everything you do.

He wants to help! (And he's also nosey af)

((If you braid your hair this fucker is not the one to ask. I'm sure he's great in every other aspect, and can do cute, loose braids, but he does box braids and such so tight that you will need to redo them. Asmo sometimes takes the phrase "beauty is pain" a little too far and while you might have nice looking braids, your scalp will be dying))

Will absolutely get doubles of your products for his bathroom.

Probably reads too much hair care stuff for his own good. He might have your trying things out that you don't need.

Just tell him to shut up.

Beelzebub

No real interest in your hair care.

But he is very protective about people touching your hair.

(Whether you share your experiences or he simply witnesses someone doing it, he isn't going to like it.)

Also is like, on a journey to get you a baseball cap collection. Whether or not you want one doesn't seem to matter at this point.

Belphegor

Similar to Beelzebub. Doesn't like people touching you.

Probably uses your stuff out of laziness.

Also? If you use silk pillow cases? He's stealing them

You're going to have to share a bed with him to use them again.

He's fairly decent with simple hair styles tbh. But he'll rarely ever use that to help. Belphie doesn't really see the point when you look like you rolled out of bed looking amazing.

Hello! May I request a romantic match up?

Appearance: nonbinary, 5'8, straight black hair (dyed) to my shoulders, pale, square body, big natural eye bags, beauty mark on side of chin, bad posture, skinny but with some muscle, and I got big round eyes and a long nose (I'm also a big mixing bags of dark styles but mostly emo, metalhead and corp goth)

Intrests: comics, zombies, horror, superheros, plants, books, video games, fashion, music, my pet bird, learning, morbid stuff, metal, collecting, creating (sewing, painting, dancing ect.), animals, gore, running, working out, and just anything I can do to not be bored YOLO

Personality: anxiety, ADHD,witty, sarcastic, curious, supportive, go get it sort of person, confident but insecure about my looks as a non binary person, impulsive, persuasive, passionate, blunt,logical but also emotional, creative, oldest to sec oldest of 5, chill dad or uncle basically,traumatized (PTSD) , smart, eccentric, ditzy, and it kinda just depends who I'm around because I change a little depending on who I hang out with I'm easily effected by others ( I may become more aggressive with someone or get a habit from them on accident)

I also tend to push people away sometimes, my ideal date is going to a amusement park or exploring, my ideal type is just someone interesting, supportive and at least a little bit honest! (They also have to be prepared for lots of emotional baggage to show at some point but I deal with it like a caring champ)

-🍷

Hope you like it :) you've been paired with

Pyro C8

Omg everything about you makes them SO excited! They think your looks and your personality reflect each other very well. They love hanging out with you and doing all different kinds of creative things.

You guys definitely end up in some kind of arts and crafts hijinks. Probably at the expense of Spy's designer suits, but Pyro swears it looks better that way.

Pyro is extremely physical, so I hope you like cuddling and holding hands and kisses and hugs and kisses and maybe getting your butt pinched sometimes and kisses and

You bring out their sweet the same way they bring out your silly. They can't help but love you when you're next to them smiling and covered in miscellaneous glitter and/or bloody bits.

Did I say bloody bits? Sorry, I meant hacked body parts of anyone who dare stand in your and Pyro's way. If you were up for it, they'd love to give you an "up close and personal" view of what their day-to-day killing spree looks like.

They may or may not find the idea romantic tbh. Serious power couple vibes going on with this one.

I'm not sure if it's "official canon" bla bla bla but I think Pyro is nonbinary as well, and what better support system could you have than one with first hand experience?

Seriously though, they love helping you come out of your shell! They adore the thought of dressing you up in different dark styles (and adding a little pink bow if you let it happen).

And you just know they'd be so damn supportive when you get insecure. Always a sweetheart, they'd give you whatever you need to make you feel good about yourself.

They might be a little confused if you push them away, but Pyro has never been one to hold grudges with people they care about. Patience is a virtue you wouldn't expect them to have mastered, and yet they let you explain what's upsetting you before helping you out.

To summarize, Pyro really is just a lovely partner and would be super supportive and caring :) your personalities build off each other super well, which gives you a great dynamic! Also Pyro mask kisses. Muah.