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yandere-wishes · 3 years

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⭐Yandere Joestars⭐

(Parts 1-7 + Bonus Charcter: Joseph and Johnny’s characterizations are based off @dear-yandere ‘s interperations) I tried to write this mostly in the Joestars' POV. Their respective darlings resemble lifelike dolls rather than human beings to further illustrate how out of touch with reality the Jojos have become.

Warnings: Gore, kidnapping, dehumanization.

Edited: By the amazing Peri!! (@tealyjade-libran )

⭐Jonathan Joestar is possessive. ⭐

It's only when you lose something, that you start to cherish it...

It's an old saying, one that Jonathan remembers from an antique storybook his mother use to read him. It didn't mean anything back then, when he was still an infant too young and new, to fully comprehend what "owning" and "losing" was. But as the years ticked by faster than any clock could keep track of, things started to change. What had once been a passing quote in a chivalrous story about knights and dragons, soon turned into the epitome of Jonathan Joestar's life.

Soon love wasn't about saving a princess or impressing the neighborhood girls with his boxing skills. No, all too soon love became about own and guarding.

There may have been a time -long before "Jojo" and Dio met- when Jonathan was just like any other gentleman. Tender and sweet, flirtish at gatherings and charming in ladies' companies...but that was a Jonathan from a could-be-past that had been demolished the minute Dio Brando stepped foot onto the Joestar estate. From then on things depleted all so quickly. Everything Jonathan had come to unconsciously cherished had been so easily stripped from him by his beloved new "brother".

Everything he loved had been killed, destroyed, or broken in some inhuman way. His friends had abandoned him, his lover had distorted him, his father didn't even notice him...

"It's only when you lose something, that you start to cherish it". The second time he hears that phrase, it freezes him to the pavement, his body star-struck like he just received a message from the heavens. Although it's rather peculiar, why "heaven" would convey a message to him in such an unholy place.

With Dio having practically kicked Jonathan out of the mansion and countryside. Jojo had no other place to go but the back allies of London. Sure he still tried to be home for supper and bedtime and any other time his father may get an inkling of his absence. But when there was no need to 'appear' Jonathan took to the London streets away from Dio and his lackeys.

In fate's bizarre game, it's in a backstreet that reeks of days old licker and rotting flesh of paupers that no one has bothered to bury. That Jojo hears that life-defining idiom once more. His dulling sapphire blue eyes follow the mist of those melodious words. Staring until they're practically itching to cut through his sockets and run after those little words. But they stop right before they can leave their eyelets, they stop and stare at the figure that strolls out of the shadows, in such a way, that would make Jojo's father slap him across the face for being "barbarous".

It's luck or fate or maybe even destiny that leads the heir of the Joestar legacy to meet his darling in the slums of England.

"How my heart resonates when I lay my weary eyes on your enchanting face..."

There's an odd sweetness about the naivety that surrounds his little friend. A sort of innocence that comes with not knowing about the hell that he's gone through. It's charming in a moderate way, his darling can't come to despise him if they haven't got a clue who he is. Keeping both his worlds as far apart as possible is really the only option left. Dio and his friends can't hurt his new friend? Lover? Companion? In actuality, Jonathan really doesn't know what you are to him. At first, you're merely a distraction from his crumbling, lonely shell of an existence. A sort of invisible pillar holding up London's bridge before it collapses into the River Thames. Sure he views you as another person, unlike the other noblemen Jonathan has no desire to treat you as anything less than a respectable young lady despite your social statutes.

Dio can have the noblemen and ladies, he can have all of George's affection and favor, Heck Dio can have the whole goddamn world for all Jonathan cares. So long as he has his darling, his sunflower, his only means for living, then he will be content.

Jojo lost everything he once loved, but he swears it to every star in the night sky that'll preserve his darling from the wickedness that runs this cruel world. He'll cherish her while she's still in his arms...

He'll protect her, just like the knights did in the old bedtime stories his mother would tell him.

"...I swear on my honor as a Joestar that I shall never lose you to the likes of anyone, I'll be a true gentleman, a true knight and I'll protect you from any who wishes cause you harm."

⭐Joseph Joestar is Protective and all so patronizing.⭐

Why must Love hurt so much?

It's solitude, pure utter solitude that attracts Joseph to his darling. Oh sure, he must have known them from an earlier time in his life, back when the words Hammon and Ripple just sounded like fancy dessert names. Back when he was still a naive kid wishing on every goddamn star that he could just meet one of his parents for a fraction of a second. Back when life was easy when everything made sense. That's when he first met his darling. Although all so many years ago he probably just thought of them as the little sister he never got a chance of having.

There's a numbness growing inside him now that his life has slipped off its axes, hurling into unknown darkness that plagues him in the form of Pillarmen and red gems.

Everywhere he looks there's a reminder that nothing's going back to the way it used to be. No waking up to Granny Erina's voice calling him down for breakfast, no running around chasing Old Man Speedwagon. Everything is gone, replaced by Lisa Lisa's brutal training and Ceaser's endless taunting.

Day by day nothing changes, but once he looks back every little thing is different. Ruptured and mangled into something unrecognizable.

But then there's his darling. Someone -or rather something- that's still the same. Just like before. Her smile is still the same as ever, bright and cheery as she runs up to him wrapping her arms around his abdomen muttering about how much she missed her "Dear Big Brother".

(Y/N) is a comfort, a familiarity in a strange new world. She's something so frail and vulnerable, not to mention naive. Thrusted into a world where horror writers don't dare venture into. It's so likely that she'd be captured by one of Kar's zombie vampire things or -even worse- charmed by Caesar’s silver tongue.

It's thoughts like these that haunt Joseph at night, keep him up and wandering into her room just to gaze at her sleeping form. He's lucid enough to know how it might look. Like he's the bad guy trying to take advantage of a defenseless little girl. But he can justify his actions, he's her big brother, he has to watch over especially when she's at her most vulnerable. If Ceaser ever tried anything or some vampire freak snatched her away in the dead of night, Joseph would never forgive himself!

But what does he get for all his efforts? What does he get for all his sleepless nights and hours upon hours of worrying? Just a small smile and a fleeting kiss on the cheek. No sincere, "Thank you big brother," or, "You're my hero Joseph!" Nothing, nothing worthwhile anyway.

Now it's a competition, a battle to the death if it has to be -funny how he takes this more seriously than his match against Wamuu.- He's competitive by nature and he's willing to do anything to earn his darling's affection once more. He doesn't care who he has to beat within an inch of their life so long as he can have his darling back in his arms.

There is an aftermath to all of these, once all the fighting has ended and the battle's won. Once Joseph has finally claimed his prize. There's a certain way his darling has to act. She’s got to smile and play the role of the dotting little sister once more. Just so Joseph can justify his actions...

"And your next line is, 'I love you more than anything else big brother Joseph!'...at least I wish it was."

⭐Jotaro Kujo is cold and sadistic.⭐

Never learned how to love...

A lover by Jotaro's book is nothing more than a walking, talking doll. Someone who cooks meals, irons clothes, and kisses him on the cheek before he leaves for the day. Sure they have other uses, in flares of passionate moments, they're something to hold onto, another pair of limbs to get tangled in. Something hot and solid, someone to push down, to weigh his force on.

That's it, that's all there is to it...

A lover and a convenient toy are one of the same.

He knows it's wrong to think about someone that way. To deprive a living thing of all their thoughts and feelings just so it's suitable for him. But at the end of the day who wants to hear idle chatter and gossip or go outside for walks in crowded areas. All too social, it's all so troublesome. All Jotaro wants is a closed-off life, away from the scums of the earth...away from people in general.

It's such an inconvenience to seek out a lover, to hassle through dates and meetups in hopes of finding someone that clicks. Jojo would even go so far as to call it wishful thinking. So it has to be a pure accident that he even meets his darling. They're just someone who gets tangled in with the crusaders. A perfect living perception of 'wrong place, wrong time'. Someone who's life gets blown to bits and shambles just because fate decided to play a cruel joke on them.

And that's what piqued Jotaro's interest. The desperate, depleted look of pain cemented over their face. The sparse dying gleam of determination that blazes within their eyes. Oh, what Jotaro wouldn't do to snuff that little ray of hope. To watch as what little purpose they have is ripped from their arms. What he wouldn't do to see them in pain...

Pain is submission, that's really all Jojo wants. A darling submits, not out of their own free will, but because every little thing they've ever loved has been slaughtered, all that they cherished has been stolen from them.

But it's not enough

It's never enough

Although Jotaro adores the looks of anguish that decorates his lover's face. There's something more satisfying about maltreating them. About leaving marks all over, about leaving bruises that never lose their violet glow. He's claiming his darling, physically and mentally. Not a single day goes that Jotaro doesn't remind his lover who they belong to. From verbal taunts that plague his darling's mind day and night, to punches that break bones leaving them paralyzed on the floor begging for help, to cuts that are just a little too deep to ever heal properly.

Even when his darling is behaving, even when the poor little thing does everything her lover tells her to do, there's still going to be some sort of violence directed at her. Some backhanded remark about how useless they are just because they couldn't follow his mother's recipe. Some sort of blow just for greeting him 'too late'. Trivial things morph into punishments, just for Jotaro's sick amusement.

At his core, Jotaro is an unresponsive man, one with no regard for how others feel. He's distant, it's a trait he can't change. He likes how he does things, how there's no room for slip-ups when it's only him. Even his darling isn't someone he'd consider opening up to. Their opinion of him doesn't matter and their feelings are irrelevant. Most days he's gone until the last possible moment, leaving his darling an endless amount of time to mull over every word and scar.

But here's the catch.

As the clock ticks by, as the nights and days begin to merge into an endless existence, as all hope burns in the pits of hell, darling's mind is also going to stray. Ever so slowly losing its perception of reality.

'Maybe' spiders begin to spin webs of doubt through darling's empty cranium. The isolation begins to bite at her skin like the razor-sharp fangs of frostbite. They start to crave Jotaro's harsh touches, they start to miss the venom-like words. Every insult and slap to the face is welcomed, all the misplaced anger and death threats start to feel like sweet kisses and flowery touches.

Poor darling no longer sees big scary Jotaro as a monster. They've lost the ability to see him for what he truly is.

And what happens when Jotaro does finally come home? Oh, how little (y/n) will ravish in the gut kicks and loathsome words. How she'll take every beating with a sweet sugar-coated smile.

Cause this is her life now. A meaningless existence that revolves around Jotaro and his bleak personality. A life that's only worth living when Jotaro is around.

Is it even a life?

"Yare yare daze you're such a hassle, be glad I keep you around...”

⭐Josuke is obsessive with delusional tendencies.⭐

Maybe I'm the one you'll fall in love with next...

Just like his "father" Joseph, Josuke is stuck in a perpetual state between diaphanous and phantasm.

There's something all too wrong with Morioh nowadays. The narrow streets and verbose buildings have started to feel like a transparent cage. The town has always been small, barely reaching a population of 3,000 despite all the new families that keep moving in.

Nevertheless, everything has dulled, faded, and withered into a monochrome collage. The layers of repetitiveness had finally begun to pick at Joskue's nerves...

And yet somehow, by some diabolical twist of fate. In the mists of the oceans of familiarity, Josuke’s eyes grab onto some shimmering pearl lounged into between the crowd of familiar faces.

Sure he's seen this girl before, but he's never actually seen her. Never stopped to look at the odd way their eyes twinkle like newborn stars or how their skin shimmers with the glow of a thousand suns.

One second is all it took, a fleeting compliment as you passed by Jojo in the peppermint flavored afternoon. Your hair flowing like a tapestry of the galaxy as you disappeared in the crowd of dead pulsars. Not a care in the world, not for him, not for anyone.

Destiny was definitely up to its old cruel tricks again.

He's not stalking. Josuke will swear on his grandfather's grave that he'd never "stalk" a harmless little girl, like some distorted maniac. He just happens to bump into you at the beauty parlor when he's picking up a new brand of hairspray. And it's totally an accident when he meets you out in the abandoned fields! Honest! It's not his fault fate wants the two of you to keep meeting, it's not his fault that you guys are meant to be!

It's not technically a friendship that you two start to build up, it's far from one. Friends don't dream about sugar-filled kisses behind school walls. Or about ice cream that tastes like scandalous touches and candy induced moans. No, Joskue isn't your friend, he NEVER wanted to be your friend. He knows that! He knows what he wants...but with each passing day, he's beginning to doubt that you know that.

He'd never realized he's been so sensitive on you. So entranced by your out of tune voice that muttered rather than spoke. He's seldom been so eager to throw a punch and crack his knuckles on someone's skull, just for saying you looked "lovely today".

Whenever his eyes don't land on you, a rage-filled volcano bubbles in the pit of his gut, uncontrollable anger that festers inside of him, like lava waiting to spill out and burn anyone that wanders too close. His palms itch with the need to hold you, to feel your soft skin rubbing against his.

The jealousy is always there, pricking at his skin like rose thrones. Until they inevitably cut through his flesh and make him lose his composure. He's ready to kick and punch and hurt and kill anyone that comes too close to you, anyone that saunters off their orbit and makes a beeline for you, disturbing the balance of solitude that Josuke so eagerly sets you into.

Sometimes in the dead of night, when the world has finally dozed off, Joskue's mind begins to wonder. He thinks the way he feels about you is the same way an addict feels about his drugs. Maybe to him, you're even more addicting than heroin and ecstasy...and yet he can't quit you, he just doesn't want to quit you. Nothing in this world could compare to your sweet voice that tickles his ear when you lean in, to whisper a secret, or the may your full lips move when you throw another honey-filled insult at him.

He prefers when you're alone when he's the only one you talk to.

Sure there are exceptions like everything in life, although in the end

there's a sort of backhanded irony.

It's those exceptions that are going to hurt him in the.

Josuke trusts his friends, he knows that Okuyasu and Koichi would never do anything to hurt him...

But you're not on that list and to be fair you're surely the only one who can truly hurt him.

You fall for a friend of his. Not him, not the boy that's been driving himself insane just to earn a smile from you, not the boy that let you get away with insulting his hair and poking insults at his look, not him never him, it just can't be him.

"You're like an older brother to me"...Did you wash your mouth with acid before you spat those words at him? Did you intend to lace your words with knives and blades and rubbing alcohol before you stabbed him? It's figurative, sure. But it might as well be literal. No pain, no cut, no punch from any stand would ever hurt so much! You really don't know what you do to him, do you?

"I'm happy for you," it's a lie, blank and simple. Automatic words that he's practiced in the mirror a thousand and one times. He'd rather watch you suffocate on your own blood than in the arms of another man. He'd rather break every bone in your body than watch you kiss one of his friends.

How on earth had he ever come to love you? Someone as cruel and cold. Were you even human? You resembled some ice stand more than a flesh and blood person. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HIM.

He really hadn't meant for it to become an addiction, he hadn't meant to get all so used to the crunch of bones beneath his foot, and the bloodied lips quivering, shuttering out apologizes for having the gall to utter your name in his presence. But there's only so much a teenage boy can take, only so much torture that he can bury inside with a moonlight smile.

Addictions really do funny things to semi-sane people, huh?

It's a split-second decision, done in the heat of an all so regular moment. It's just a simple half-hearted punch when you beat him at another videogame. Then another

And another

Then a crack, another and another, and before either of you knew it you're on the floor screaming out in pure agony.

Josuke vows he's not being cruel when he breaks your bones so delicately. He can justify every crack, every fracture. Although it's rather repetitive and in certain cases borderline petty.

Five broken bones on your left leg just for "kissing" your new boyfriend. Your right leg is bent at an angle you're sure it's not meant to be. All because you hugged said new lover before going to class.

Josuke's once liquidy blue eyes that held the softness of clouds have been dulled over by a sort of thick mania. His once soft touch is nothing but nails digging into already bruised tissue. His lips wobbling as stray tears flow past his eyes. Muttering apologies and stuttering curses at both you and himself.

It's not really like his darling can leave after that incident. Josuke is known around town as the boy with a diamond heart. There's no way in hell anyone will believe what he did to you. It's just better, safer, to stick close to him, to swallow the indignities and paint a loving smile over your face when you gaze into his depraved eyes.

It's better to pretend to love him, rather than have another limb broken...

"Come on (Y/N), it's just a little crack. If you promise to give me a tiny kiss I'll let Crazy Diamond fix you right up."

⭐Giorno Giovanna is sneaky and manipulative. ⭐

Sono pazzo di te. Sei la cosa più bella che mi sia mai capitata...

There's a sleekness to Giorno, a cunning that's hidden behind layers of charisma and charm mimicking that of his birth father's. It's so easy for him to fool his darling into believing that he's a charming prince from a storybook. He's the good guy trying all so damn hard to make his dream a reality. He's admirable, he's noble, he's Giorno Giovana, the golden boy.

It's not like he ever intends to hurt his darling. He'd never dream of laying a hand on them, he's all too familiar with the wounds that come from endless beatings. The bruises and phantom pains, that get worse as the days slip by. He knows real pain, and unlike all so many others on both sides of his family, Giorno doesn't want his lover to experience an uncia of it.

He'd never repeat what his stepfather and mother did to him. He's going to try and do everything he can to make sure that his darling is safe...

Because isn't that what's important? To make sure the one you love is safe. To make sure they don't get swept off their feet by some masquerading drunkard or taken advantage of by some fanciful sadist.

Giorno will do anything to keep his darling safe, even if it means tampering with their mind a little. Nothing too serious, he'd never even considered changing anything about them. Although isolating them isn't completely off the table and a few verbal threats are fine from time to time. Just for precaution...

Giorno is a rather determined boy, he'll go to any lengths to isolate his lover. Scaring away friends by letting Gold Experience give them a small out of body experience. If they're persistent then he can't guarantee that that out-of-body experience will simply remain an experience much longer. It's not out of malice, but it's what must be done for the sake of his darling, the only other thing he cares about.

There's a shift, a difference between the young naive Giorno Giovanna, the golden boy with starry eyes, and the new boss of Passione, the Mafioso who holds the whole country in the palm of his hand.

Oh sure, as a simple Soldato Giorno was dangerous in his own right. But Don Giorno? He's the sort of monster written about in the grimmest fairy tales. Wearing the appearance of a true king but underneath the luxury suits and priceless watches, he's just another greedy, fire-breathing dragon.

As the Don of Italy's most influential gang, Giorno's manipulation tactics have gotten rather ....hazardous. He doesn't have time to waste getting rid of every single person that poses a threat to his darling. If someone looks their way, he'll send some goons to take care of them.

Although it's so much easier to keep his lover locked away, he even has the perfect excuse now. He's the head of the mafia, he has all so many enemies who jump at the opportunity to hurt him in some way. So he has to keep his defenseless little lover locked away in some mansion that's all so far away.

He's also a bit more violent now. Giorno's more physical, ready to break a bone just for a wrong word or a cracked jaw from a punch for even asking to go outside. He blames it on the stress of running an organization...although it's more likely that all the power from passion has begun to rinse away Giorno's caring side.

"Cuore mio, Resta con me per sempre"

⭐Jolyne Kujo is clingy and obsessive and delusional.⭐

I can't stay away from you...

Jolyne is a rather condescending yandere. Her rough ragged exterior does little to hide the clingy neediness that writhes inside her shattered heart.

She's soft, dependent, desperate at best. Wanting her darling to approve of every tiny trifling thing she does. Needing their words of praise and approving smiles to have the courage to live another day.

At times it seems like the only thing keeping Jojo alive is the "good girl!" and "I'm proud of you!" her darling throws her way. Chanting the words of praise with closed eyes and fluttering smiles of anxiety.

It's difficult to make her sweetheart realize how virulent this relationship is, far too hard to call Jolyne a Yandere. The derogatory term applies to someone who ceases all control from their lover, who locks them in a basement, and throws away the key. It applies to murders and

stalkers and lunatics that roam the streets in the dead of full moon nights. It applies to those who were thrown into Green Dolphin for a reason.

Not to some girl whose life has been demolished over and over and over again.

Not to the girl with a star birthmark that follows her darling around like a lost puppy in the freezing rain.

But even Jolyn has her limits. She's been let down time and time again, abandoned and framed by those she thought she loved unconditionally. From friends to boyfriends to even her own father, everyone leaves, they take what they want, and then they leave.

Flesh like strings, stitched into a web of antithesis and distraught moods, act as a solid, interchangeable reminder of who really holds the power in this relationship. Of how Jolyne can go from needing her darling to controlling her darling in just a fraction of a heartbeat. She loves them, she swears she does...but they need to stay close to her, they need to only think about her.

Her addiction gets worse as the days tick by. It's less romantic, less loving. Morphing into a dependency, a compulsion. Rotting thoughts of her darling suddenly leaving, plague her every waking moment. The once semi pleasant conversations between her lover and her friends, get cut off like a severed limb.

Even Hermes and Foo Fighters aren't "good enough" to be around Jolyne’s lover. She's all so, scared they'll try to take them from her. Stealing the ONLY good thing in her life.

There's a certain degree of control that Jolyne's willing to give to her darling. A sort of freedom to make, revolting appalling choices, so long as they include her. A freedom to boss her around and make her submit. Her darling is free, so long as that freedom revolves around Jolyne.

"(Y/N)~ don't look at them! You should only focus on me! I'm supposed to be your world!"

⭐Johnny Joestar is sadistic and manipulative.⭐

Arrogance disguised as affection...

It's all degradation, all harsh words that sting worse than bullet wounds. Glares from dull wicked blue eyes that might as well kill, cause it's better than the alternative. Smirks that make being alive so damn distasteful. Kisses that engrave the lingering taste of rotting lead into your tongue.

Johnny isn't sweet, he doesn't smile at his little sweetheart. He doesn't pat their head and kiss their temples while uttering sweet nothings into their blushing ear. No, his lover doesn't deserve a honey-coated life. They don't deserve to have what was stolen from him by his so-called "loved ones". Instead, he uses them as a living dart board, for both his acid-laced words and bullet-like fingernails.

There's no love when it comes to Jojo. He doesn't want to waste time on something so frivolous as a "significant other". But he does like having someone -or rather something- to play with, a form of entertainment that bends at his will. Not a pushover, not someone who's too proud either. But a living doll that can take a few verbal spats and survive an armada of fingernail bullets through the stomach.

Oh, sure he wants to break them, having a toy that's so conflicted, that questions their own sanity is so much more fun. But it's the intervals that count. Johnny wants to be the one to break his darling. To engrave the helpless look of distress into his memory. He wants to preserve every scream, every tear. That's the whole purpose of even keeping a darling.

Johnny rarely lets his darling out of his sight. It's so much easier to play with their mind if he's the only one they ever talk to. They'll become so easily dependent on him if he's their only companion. Although sometimes Gyro can get a little too touchy and friendly. And there will be occasions when Hot Pants start to pry into the darling and Jojo's personal life. But the incidents are few and far between. Not like Johnny minds, if anything these minor secondary "meetups" are useful to the paraplegic jockey. They refill his darling with the most precious thing..." Hope". Just so Johnny can beat it out of them all over again.

There's a darkness that resides deep within Johnny. A toxicity that laces his actions. His life is miserable and he's damn well sure it'll always be that way.....

So why not take his lover down with him?

"Don't you love me darlin' ? Cause I certainly don't love ya."

⭐Jorge Joestar is delusional and obsessive.⭐

What if we lost our minds, together?

A love story better than his parents, that's all Jorge wants. Flower field dates, and quick lingering kisses before midnight. Something sweet, that doesn't have a macabre end. A romance without body-snatching vampires and zombies that shed their flesh. Something normal, gentle, lovable.

Although with the family he's been born into and the kind of things that keep finding him. Jorge doubts he's ever going to get such a hopeful love life. He's all so desperate to carve a life for himself outside of his family's shadow, but in the end, it's simply eager wishing.

He's not exactly sure what he's even looking for in a lover. Someone sweet but strong-willed, an average answer. Someone who bears a sort of resemblance to Lisa Lisa. Not physically but rather mentally, he's not a coward, he swears he's not, but he just wants someone who can protect him. A fair exchange in his eyes. His lover will guard him against the bullies and freaks of the island and in turn, he'll protect them from the grim ghouls that run amok through the world. Although when push comes to shove he isn't sure if he'll really be 'protecting' his lover or running away and hiding somewhere with them.

He just wants to fall in love and not go insane, a reasonable request, if he hadn't seen the worst that the world has to offer. It's just wishful thinking, sweet dreams for a boy designed to attract trouble.

He doesn't want to have conversations with his dead lover's head. He doesn't want to wear their skin and waltz around town. He doesn't want any of that creepy, supernatural stuff that destroyed his parent's love.

He just wants normal. But as the years slip by Jorge's grip on "normal" slowly begins to decay.

Normal is something, but what that something is has become a blur. Normal isn't vampires and zombies and ghost clowns that throw nooses around people's necks...Yet on the other hand maybe it is?

He's so far gone that he can't even differentiate between methodical and irregular. His brain's capacity to understand the difference has gotten so altered and broken.

Once he finds his darling he does try to act like the ordinary people of the Canary Islands or England, depending on where he's residing at the time. He tries to follow the mode, just to impress his lover. It's a façade, a bloody masquerade that's bound to deteriorate once he and his lover have settled down.

Although a poetic, domestic life had always been Jorge's dream, he soon comes to learn that it just doesn't suit him. Jorge's paranoia starts to increase. It's comical at first, the way his eyes dart to closed doors, half expecting a killer to emerge. Although the same paranoid tendencies can become rather smothering at times. He's all so certain something is going to jump out of the shadows, some creature with sharp fangs and knife-like claws is going to rip his lover's body to rags.

He's gotten rather umbrageous now that he's the one who's married and living in the Joestar estate. His tendency to run away from any form of conflict has morphed into a rogue-like sense, much similar to a rabid dog barking at anyone who gets too close to its territory. He keeps his darling locked away inside, triple-checking the locks to make sure no one or thing can get in. He avoids the probing disquieting neighbors who still speak ill of his widowed mother and murmurs about the "curses" bestowed on the Joestar bloodline. Sometimes even getting physical when the insults shift towards him and his new lover.

Punches are thrown.

Insults exchanged.

And then the door and windows are locked once more.

Leaving both Jorge and his darling in the chilling company of the semi alive shadows.

It's safer in the basement. It has to be safer down there. After all his mother kept his father's severed head down there for decades before anyone found it. So it's only sensible that his lover will also be safe, tucked away in the darkness of a brick room some few meters under the earth. He's not acting like his mother -and deep down he prays that this isn't something his late father would ever even consider doing- It's a thin line of justification, but he can reason with himself so long as he knows it's not something his other family members have ever done. He does try to keep his darling comfortable down there. Buying them the most luxurious furniture and comfortable bedding. Constantly bringing them new forms of entertainment.

Keeping them in this preserved state is what any reasonable person would do. Not just another insanity driven Joestar.

"It's for your own safety" he's repeated that phrase an umpteenth amount of times, although every time the sculpted words leave his tongue, Jorge becomes less sure of who he's really trying to convince.

Jorge is all so sure that he's doing all of this for both his lover's safety and to erase whatever misfortune follows around the Joestars, like an airy plague. Even his enrolling for the great war is done with this mindset...

Even though in the end it's also this mindset that gets him killed. Leaving his darling a wide window to freedom.

"Darling, what do you think when you look at me?"

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

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corpse-of-bandersnatch · 3 years

Photo

That's the whole interview with Jeff by Nicole Iskra, in which they also talked about him shaving of his chest hair. It was published in the Moviestar 05/2001 (the interview, not the chest hair).

I won't translate everything word for word, but if you wish a closer translation of a special topic/question, let me know and I try my best. (Also I apologize for the bad quality of the middle part of the scanned magazine).

PARALLAX – Madness from the Internet

„I was the Incarnation of their worst nightmare!“ - An interview with Jeffrey Combs

Before the interview starts, they introduce the latest movie Jeff was in back then, which is Parallax aka FearDotCom (almost the complete first column describes the Plot). Parts of it where shot in Luxembourg, which is also the Place where the interviewer meets Mr. Combs.

They meet in front of the Inter-Continental Hotel. Mr. Combs is PISSED, because the breakfast in the Hotel was awful (slimy fried egg) and the staff was rude (someone came in his room without knocking or apologizing, while he was sitting on his bed, only wearing a T-Shirt and Shorts).

They walk into the City of Luxembourg and Jeff's wondering about the many colourful life-sized cow sculptures, that you can find everywhere in town (quote: „Is this supposed to be art?!“).

He's searching for a souvenir for his wife, but in in his opinion, all of the dresses are outdated and their colours terrible. The interviewer teaches him the very important rule „Grün und Blau schmückt die Sau“.

They decide to eat in a Burger Restaurant called „Maybe not Bob's“, where he orders chicken wings with french fries and a coke (quote: „like a real American“).

Jeff speaks about the results of his genealogical research: Originally, his family came from Devon in England, but settled 1619 in Jamestown (Virginia) to work for Virginian Tobacco Co.

1. Question: The first question is about the renaming of FearDotCom to Parallax (reason being uncertainty about who owns the name). It follows more describing of the movie’s plot, this time from Mr. Combs himself.

His friend Bill Malone directed Parallax/FDC and offered Jeff the role, because they already worked together in Haunted Hill and Perversions of Science.

2. Question: You got along so well with Peter Jackson while filming The Frighteners. Will you at least get a Cameo in Lord of the Rings, even if it's only as Orc Nr. 260?

JC: That's the one Orc, that survived, right? (laughs). Nah seriously, I didn't get a role, unfortunately. I auditioned, , but the problem was the british accent. I can imitate it, but when you're surrounded by actors like Ian McKellen and Ian Holm, it's really not hard to tell who's a „real Briton“ and who's not.

3. Question: Did your latest movie before Parallax/FDT – The Attic Expeditions – had it's premiere in America yet?

JC: No, not yet. The world premiere was a couple of weeks ago here in Luxembourg and it was also shown on Festivals in Edinburgh and Amsterdam. Sadly, they didn't show it on the film festival in Brussel.

I'm really enthused by The attic Expeditions, because it's interesting, not linear, not logical, with few horror elements, but the horror is mostly psychological. It's like a dream in a nightmare on a trip. The longer you watch the movie, the less you know, what's real, it's a really complex movie, especially by american standards.

4. Question: In retrospect, would you call your role as Herbert West a curse?

JC: (sighs) Somehow, it's a curse and a blessing at the same time. Thanks to the role, I was branded as „Horror actor“ in Hollywood. After Deep Space Nine I was branded as „Horror- and Sci Fi- actor“. Movie people love to categorize you. On the other hand, the role of Herbert West opened up a lot of possibilities for me.

5. Question: 10 Years ago you told a funny story at a convention in New York, about sth. that happened while filming From Beyond. Could you maybe tell it again for the Moviestar readers?

JC: You mean the one with the children?

MS: Exactly!

JC: (grins) Well, we were already filming for a month – so I've been in this horrible make-up for 30 days already, with this awful head piece that looked like a red dog dick. I looked worse than Quasimodo! That's why I ate mostly in my dressing room. One day, they shot a commercial with a bunch of 4-year-old children in mushroom costumes on the same soundstage. We met in the hallway and as soon as those poor, innocent children saw me, all hell has broken loose. I was the incarnation of their worst nightmare, they screamed and ran to their mothers, who wanted to lynch me on the spot. So now it was me, who ran away.

But that's how it is, when you have a lot to do with make-up and masks and stuff like this. Not long ago, I was strapped to a cross made out of tubes, my throat was „cut“, there was blood all over me. And sometimes, when you're hanging there long enough, the crew just forgets that you're there, because for them, you just turned into a part of the set. Until you give a signal: „Umm sorry, guys, could you..maybe..“ - „Oh yeah sure, sorry Jeff, sorry..“

6. Question: (you might already know this one from this post): After that scene in From Beyond, in which you get eaten by this worm, your chest is as smooth as that of a baby – did they shave off your chest fur?

Jeff: Yes! (laughs)

MS: Did you do it yourself?

Jeff: Yes and I learnt something very important: Never use a normal razor blade, an electric razor is way better and safer and it doesn’t itch as badly, when the hair grows back. I had to shave my chest for a theater role once as well. I was 26 or so and played an 18-year-old.

7. Question: Do you still play in theatres regulary?

JC: No, not in the past couple of years, though theatre is very dear to my heart. Back in the days, I loved to play in theatres – living like a gypsy, 8 weeks in San Diego, and somewhere else afterwards. But that's not how I want to live today, now that I have a family. I don't like to leave my two little girls for several weeks, plus an engagement in a theatre isn't really helpful financially. I earn the same money in 1 week of shooting a movie as I do in 4-5 months of theatre work.

8. Question: I read that Woody Allen pays every actor 5.000 Dollar, because in his opinion, no one is worth 20 Million Dollar, neither beginner nor Superstar. What do you think about the explosive growth of fees nowadays?

JC: I do think that you should take the money, that the market offers you. But somebody, who earns 20 Millions per movie should share at least a million with their not so lucky co-actors. No, seriously, it's not that easy to make a living. A friend of mine got a job, where he plays the brother of Kevin Costner. When I asked him, if he gets payed well, he shook his head and said, that he only gets tariff plus 10%. Tariff is the lowest wage possible, that was defined by union. My friend had the choice to either work with Costner or don't. And as an actor you always hope that a movie like this becomes a success and maybe improves your chances in Hollywood.

MS: Thank you for making so much time for us!

#Jeffrey Combs #corpse-krams

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changbin-froggy-jimin · 3 years

Note

BTS and Ateez for the kpop group game ! 💜

Ateez:

My first bias: Hongjoong <3 it was the mullet <3

My current bias: Hongjoong <3 still sexy without the mullet <3

Favorite Song: Win, I love this one!! In another life I would have probably said HALA HALA but I’ve listened to it too much lol, but honestly minus celebration the whole Fever 2 album is AMAZING def worth a listen, or several!

Favorite MV: Say My Name/HALA HALA

OTP: ... umm, I don’t really ship any Idols in general, but I tend to like the Seonghwa/Hongjoong dynamics, there was just something about that one time that Seonghwa was like “why aren’t you ever home anymore I miss you” “you want me home more?” “Yes” “then I’ll come home more often” and that other time Hongjoong said something like “you returned to where you should have always been” (with him) when talking about Seonghwa spending to much time with Wooyoung and San... it’s just very funny to me lol (these ‘quotes’ might be a bit off as I don’t remember exactly what was said but that was the gist of both conversations I believe!)

Best smile: Yunho honestly! He’s such an underrated member of Ateez!! He’s my second favorite and needs more love because I love him lol, a big big puppy baby whom I love and adore

Fave Coreo: HALA HALA!!! ITS SO COOL!!

Fave era: Visuals: Say My Name, Music: Zero: Fever part 2

Merch?: I have a T-Shirt I got at hot topic and a Zero: Fever part 2 album!

Seen em live?: Nope.... but I would have if I could have! Would definitely love to go once we finally can!

Favorite voice: Def Mingi, his voice is what attracted me to the group, I LOVE the deep voice trend in kpop, Mingi, like Felix (Stray Kids) and Leedo (Oneus), really scratch that itch for me!!

Favorite dancer: San I guess?? Dancing isn’t really my thing as you know lol

BTS:

My first bias: Namjoon (I think Namjoon is a lot of English speakers first bias because of his English skills, and honestly he still has a huge place in my heart as you know! Plus he BIG SEXY) (I think of mic drop Namjoon and my brain implodes)

My current bias: Jimin, I just love his softness, I really love the members that take care of the rest and Jimin plays personal therapist (it’s the libra in him I get it you know?) to all, so I really appreciate this as it’s a very important thing for me (it’s probably my libra moon lol) but that’s what got me at first, then when I was getting into them I saw he struggled and no one was really helping him and he was like trying to do better and honestly it broke my heart so I full adopted the baby because he needed care and protection and actives my Aquarius sun and the ‘leave no man behind’ and ‘help/root for the underdog’ complex we have, so anyways, I love him for his softness and his fighting spirit because I want him to do well and succeed but also he’s a mess and sharp witted and a cheater at games (another trait I tend to like??????? Like that’s on me so????) he makes me laugh and I love to see him do well and win at things because he deserves it!! He’s also really motivated and a go-getter which is v sexy to me!! When things are tough he always works hard to fix them and do his best and honestly is there anything better than that? To me no, to my friend who says I put to much emphasis on work ethic? Yes. Also Jimin is big sexy, this is an undeniable fact

Favorite Song: Dionysus (like have you seen the MMA 2019 performance??? There’s no coming back from that) the song is just such a bop and one of the big ones that got me fully into them and kpop as a whole!! Good memories and a great song!!

Favorite MV: I’m a blood sweat and tears whore, could watch that mv any time anywhere babey

OTP: again, don’t really tend to genuinely ship anyone, but I really like a good YoonMin dynamic, love the way Yoongi roots for Jimin, and pushes him in small ways to be better, I think Jimin is pretty oblivious to this though??? And like Jimin needs so much audible praise and gentle care that I think Yoongi for him is very hard to understand even though I think Jimin is very much Yoongi’s favorite member, like maybe it’s because I’m super empathetic, but I always think of like two moments for them, the first is when Jimin was helping Yoongi makes those like 300 presents for his fans and Jimin stayed all day to help him out, Jimin was being Jimin so he was constantly asking if Yoongi appreciated him being there, and Yoongi being Yoongi didn’t say much to assure him, but like you could FEEL the happiness radiating off of Yoongi but like it hurt Jimin to not be directly praised? It’s just a big mess I love it, it’s horrendously painful to watch,

Then there’s the whole ‘Yoongi told me to be the project manager’ or whatever the job was called for their album, Like Yoongi wasn’t giving out advice to everyone... just Jimin (or at least the way in which I understand it), because I genuinely believe Jimin is his favorite and he’s pushing him to grow into a confident and capable person but like... I don’t think Jimin connected the ‘Yoongi is caring for me in his own unique way that isn’t words of affirmation’ dots... it’s a train wreck but I love it lol (plus also Yoongi saying he prefers Jimin’s voice?? When I think Jimin heard for so long that Kookie sings better?? He just loves that boy so much!!) anyways I digress, I just really love their dynamic and it’s my favorite to watch, I know I’ve talked about their dynamic before but honestly I could go on and on and on about it haha, I’m so glad they’re friends you know? Not only so I can watch them, but because Jimin’s selfless help will always be given to Yoongi without question, and because Yoongi will always push Jimin to be better... ok I’m done now for real this time lol

Best smile: Jungkook, his little bunny smile absolutely sends me to the moon it’s so cute!! (Jimin’s is a very close second!)

Fave Coreo: Lie for sure!

Fave era: The storyline era with the acronym I always forget!! I think it spanned a couple of eras in the entirety but I loved it!! But also just like straight up Wings era!

Merch?: I have more BT21 one stuff than I think I have BTS stuff tbh haha, but I have all versions of MOS:7 I have some love yourself versions from a friend, and my army membership box I got to purchase the concert tickets we bought but never got to use :{

Seen em live?: was supposed to last year 😢

Favorite voice: Yoongi, love the way he raps, it’s a really aggressive and sexy flow, definitely my type, as someone who stans and loves rappers most, Yoongi will always have a major place in my heart, no one really compares on a talent scale for me, and his solo stuff is some of the sexiest you could ever imagine/hear, love it!!

Favorite dancer: Not super surprising I think but it’s totally Jimin!! Anytime I watch that man perform Lie I die lol, the way that man moves is a crime

#are these to many words? absolutely #I hope this was an enjoyable read for you!!#reminds me of our first few conversations about bts where I would just ramble on forever about anything and everything that came to my mind #thank you 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟#it was a fun one!!#froggy writes

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waywardfacegarden · 4 years

Note

Hey there! I saw that "ask me about my fic" post and thought I'd ask some questions!! Specifically regarding your "The sun is too bright, it hurts" one; questions 1, 3, 4, 7 and 8? 👀

Hello there!!! First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING, YOU’RE SO NICE!!!!! ;---; Honestly, I love you so much.

Second of all, AAAAAH, THAT FIC. I really love that one, is one of the first works I did for my boys!!!! I have a soft spot for it. (That said, I actually reread it to answer this LOL, because as much as I remembered a lot of it, I also didn’t remember a lot of specifc dialog/narration of it, haha.)

Answers under the cut because I, somehow, managed to do this unnecessarily long, LOL. I’m sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you don’t mind me babbling a lot about my own fic, haha.

1. What inspired you to write the fic this way?

Well, I was inspired to write that AU because I’m weak for the idea of Sasuke and Naruto being childhood friends!! Haha. And I just easily pictured them growing up together with their families being friends. It’s something that I think would happen in a modern au, and I really wanted to explore the relationship of two people growing up together, being there in all of their different phases (and the challenge of having to write them at different ages, because as much as the essence of who they are is the same, they don’t act exactly the same, you know?), knowing each other better than anyone else. They would come to love every single one of the aspects that makes them them; like, even if something must be annoying, it’s endearing for the other at this point, and I find that very tender and soft.

As for the way that it’s written, I find it easier to guide myself while writing if I divide the story in “short stories/scenes”, so that’s why it’s like that (if you look at my fics, I always “divide” my stories, haha). I also really like the narrative that goes, for example, “October. 1990. 15 years old.”, because, (for me at least), it’s so much easier to imagine the environment/context/scene like that? It also gives me off movie vibes, tbh😂😂

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

I apologize in advance because I’m going to make this reply excessively long, even when the ask is so simple😂😂 While I was re-reading, I found a lot of quotes/parts that I liked a lot, so please indulge myself and look at all my word vomit, lol (the parts in bold letters are what I especially love about that specific excerpt):

[[AH! AND ALSO! I realized I made a LOT of grammar mistakes in the fic when I was re-reading today, it’s kind of embarrassing ahhh, haha. It needs heavy editing, huh. But anyways, so, in some lines here, I changed some words for what I actually wanted to write/what’s grammatically correct, now that I know more about english, haha. So in some lines they’re a bit different from the actual fic.]]

My favorite, favorite line, for reason, is this one:

Sasuke’s heart flutters on his chest, like flower’s petals in the wind, like a butterfly flapping its wings.

I don’t know, I really, really, REALLY love metaphors and I like the way it was phrased here?? Like, the words I chose sound so pretty for me, haha.

My second favorite line is this one, simply because I’m a cheesy dork:

Sasuke does not know when he fell in love with Naruto; he probably was always a bit in love with him.

Another lines of narration I really, really love:

His love for Naruto reminds him of that. Destruction. Storms, tornadoes. Because it’s brutal, too intense, too strong. It is inexhaustible. It’s unexpected and unpredictable and it makes his stomach ache.

^^ That one is just. Really what I think Sasuke feels like about falling in love, and more than anything, falling in love with Naruto, so I really love it. I have an obsession on making love sound messy and chaotic, too, tbh, haha. Guilty.

[…] and his voice sounds tired, because he’s tired, he can’t stand it anymore, and he’s stupid, stupid, stupid, because Sasuke wants to cry, and because Sasuke wants to kiss Naruto while he cries because Sasuke is a damn tragedy walking, but he can’t, he can’t and that’s hard.

I really like this one because I honest to God think Sasuke is a damn tragedy walking (and I’m saying this like a good thing, he’s my favorite disaster, haha). He’s just, idk, really a disaster, and I can easily picture him having a meltdown because he loves Naruto so much that he can’t even stand it, and he’s tired of hiding it, and he’s tired of everything, and he just wants to fucking cry but he also wants to kiss Naruto AND kiss Naruto while he cries, even if that’s weird. Idk, Sasuke just strikes me as the kind of guy who would want to kiss the love of his life while crying, LOL.

[…] he’s so close that, for a moment, the only thing he can see is blue. Blue, blue, eternal, endless, inexhaustible, precious blue; that swallows him, that overwhelms him, that suffocates him.

I remember being so proud of this part because, as you can see, I’m obsessed with Naruto’s eyes😂😂 And then when I showed the story to my sister she laughed her ass off here LMAO. She gave me A Look. LOL. She saw through me like a book, she knows I just tried to sound poetic but I suck LOL. But I still really like this part.

And Naruto is smiling, and Naruto is there and everywhere and Sasuke wants to drown in him.

So he does.

ASDJLFJLSDFKDL. The idea of Sasuke wanting to drown in Naruto is just. I love it, lol.

He kisses him as he should be kissed. […] He kisses him and Naruto kisses him back and Sasuke almost sighs. Because it feels so good to be real; because it feels like falling into bed after a long and tiring day. It feels like a hot shower against your aching body and like the emotion you feel when climbing a roller coaster.

For some reason, I love writing kisses, LOL, and I wanted to convey so much through this one. Like both of them have been wanting to kiss the other for years, now, but you could feel Sasuke’s desperation especially, and I really wanted the kiss to feel like “God, finally, finally” but also “this is it. This is what home feels like”. I feel like it probably still lacks something, but I still like how I put it into words.

[Now, I really hope you don’t hate me for this LOL, but I’ll add the complete parts I like, even when they have dialogue. It’s this case where bold letters are the lines that I especially love about the part.]

Naruto takes a step forward, a long one, and cuts the distance between them. Sasuke’s heart flutters on his chest, like flower’s petals in the wind, like a butterfly flapping its wings. Naruto is so close that Sasuke can see the three soft freckles on his cheekbones. He can distinguish each one of his golden eyelashes shining against his eyelids. He can see the way the iris in his eyes is darker on the edge; the shape of his lips, cracked, that make Sasuke’s mouth become very dry. And heck, they are moving, so Naruto is talking.

“Sasuke,” Naruto says, and his voice is soft and soothing in the loneliness of the hallway. His fingers are like burning embers when he places them on his shoulder. “Look at me, Sasuke.”

And Sasuke obeys. He turns around and looks at him, and Naruto has a storm inside those pretty eyes, and Sasuke just wants… he just wants… “Honestly, I would kill myself if I had that face.”

God fucking dammit.

“He was talking about you.” He answers, finally, and his voice gets stuck and tightens in his throat.

Naruto blinks, surprise flooding the light blue of his eyes. “Oh,” he says, so low that if they were not four inches away in a desolate corridor, Sasuke would not have heard it.

“Itachi is waiting for me.” He says, because he really wants to leave; he wants Naruto to stop looking at him like that.

“Itachi asked me to check up your injuries, Sasuke. Itachi is not angry. I guess he deduced what happened, he’s smart, so…”

“I’m not hurt, Naruto. Now let me go.”

Naruto stops pressing the cold gauze on the torn skin of his knuckles. The soft fabric burns and itches on his skin, but not as much as the way Naruto keeps looking at him, hell.

They are 15 years old and Naruto is the most beautiful boy he has ever seen. Naruto has grown up and he’s taller now, almost as tall as Sasuke is, and has the most beautiful blue, cerulean eyes (beautiful as the clear water of the lakes, beautiful as the sky on summer mornings), and long, blond eyelashes and cute lips and messy hair kissed by the sun. He’s gorgeous. And maybe Sasuke is paying too much attention, but hell, it’s hard not to.

They are 15 years old and Sasuke would hit a three-meter bully for that boy. Sasuke would do anything for that boy.

He says, with a smile that covers half of his face. His hair is messier than usual and several blond strands fall on his forehead. His blue eyes sparkle in the darkness. His blue shirt sticks to him in all the right angles and Sasuke thinks if you were not so damn attractive, I would surely kill you right now, you idiot. But he doesn’t say it, because of course, that’s not something you would say to your best friend.

“Naruto, I’m not going to get into your father’s van in the middle of the night and drive to a Waffle House at twelve in the morning.”

Naruto seems confused. He keeps his balance on the window frame and raises his hand to show him the set of keys. “No problem, Sas. I have the keys.”

- [I really like this one because just, the idea of them going to a Waffle House in the middle of the night is a favorite of mine, and the dialogue of Sasuke being like “i’m not going to drive to a waffle house at fucking 12am” and Naruto being just like “no worries, i have the keys” because he thinks the problem is that Sasuke doesn’t want to steal the car is so funny LMAO. Also, I live for Naruto calling him “Sas”.]

Damn fucking Naruto. Fuck his stupid heart. Fuck the one who decided up there that it would be a good idea to give him a nice smile and a beautiful personality and the eyes of Gods. Fuck the one who decided it would be good for Sasuke to fall in love with a stupid blonde with a heart of gold, stubborn as hell. Fuck the one who thought it would be a good idea for Sasuke to like his best friend. Fuck the one who decided that Waffle Houses could open for 24 hours. Fuck Naruto with his beautiful eyes; damn, damn, damn and fucking dammit.

- [I LAUGH SO HARD AT THIS PART. Like poor dude, he’s just so Done about having a crush and being in love with his Best Friend LMAO. I love how he curses the Gods and Everyone and Naruto Especially while also changing and going downstairs to go out with said crush.]

It’s strange that he’s so quiet, but at least Sasuke can look at him out of the corner of his eye from time to time. And when the light from the headlights on the side of the street hits him right in the face, and Sasuke can admire how beautiful he is, how stunning his eyes are and how bright they look and how his hair is gleaming and the so pretty and alluring that is the whole him, all of him… is those moments when Sasuke thinks that, maybe, it was not such a bad idea that Naruto woke him up in the middle of the night to drive to a Waffle House. Maybe, it’s not so bad that Naruto is crazy. Maybe, it’s not so bad that Sasuke is in love with him.

You know how in that tragic movie where the girl has cancer she says something in the beginning like “I fell in love with him like falling asleep, suddenly and without realizing it”? Yes, well. Sasuke used to make fun of that, even if Naruto thought it was very romantic. But now, as he sees his best friend smiling in a damn suit that fits his body in all the right places, now that he sees him laughing with the gym lights doing wonders on his tanned skin, now that he is listening to him talk and laugh and just being him, being happy… now he understands it. Sasuke does not know when he fell in love with Naruto; he probably was always a bit in love with him. He does not know when it happened or why, the only thing he knows now is that he is completely, totally, utterly, head-over-heels in love with him, so much so that it is ridiculous.

The realization hits him. Hard and strong against his stomach, like the thousands of stones and heaps of earth in an avalanche. Destroying cliffs, roads.

It’s like when you have a leak in your house and you do not fix it and you probably don’t realize the damage it is doing until after weeks the hole on the cement floor is too big to ignore. It’s like the snowball that is falling and growing on the steep hill that you don’t notice until it’s too late.

It’s just like that.

And the realization is so big and so brutal that it terrifies him, because Sasuke not only loves Naruto, Sasuke is in love with him. He loves every damn part of him in the rawest and realest way possible and it scares him so much that he can’t stand it.

“Naruto. I’m not in the mood,” he says, and his voice sounds tired, because he’s tired, he can’t stand it anymore, and he’s stupid, stupid, stupid, because Sasuke wants to cry, and because Sasuke wants to kiss Naruto while he cries because Sasuke is a damn tragedy walking, but he can’t, he can’t and that’s hard.

[…] he’s so close that, for a moment, the only thing he can see is blue. Blue, blue, eternal, endless, inexhaustible, precious blue; that swallows him, that overwhelms him, that suffocates him.

He’s as close as that time when they…

“Sasuke, you’re a fucking idiot.” He says, his breath warm against his own lips.

[…]

He’s as close as that time when they kissed.

Naruto is kissing him, Holy…

It’s abrupt and so sudden and Sasuke has not closed his eyes, (Sasuke can’t even believe it to begin with, because they’re kissing), but Naruto does, so he can see the thin, long golden lashes that flutter softly against his own cheekbones. They tickle him. He can see the cascade of hair on his forehead and the mess of color on his skin and everything is so familiar. The cracked feeling of his lips, the blue so close, the hair that tickles Sasuke… It’s making him dizzy. Everything is so familiar, and yet so different at the same time. It’s coarser, stronger.

Naruto doesn’t seem to know what he is doing though; he just keeps pressing his lips so hard against his that Sasuke thinks he might knock a tooth out of him. His fingers continue to cling to his tie, crumpling it between his fingernails, and it’s…

Sasuke doesn’t care. Because Naruto is kissing him, and even if he’s clumsy, Naruto is kissing him, and his heartbeat thunders into his ears, the blood rushes in his veins and everything is chaos.

With Naruto everything is chaos.

Like the storms.

Like hurricanes.

Everything is too intense and strong and…

“You know what?” He says, and he continues laughing, but not so much anymore. “Ino said you would make exactly that face.”

Sasuke blinks. What?

“Did you tell Ino about—” Sasuke doesn’t quite know how to define it, even if he’s supposed to be good with words, so he just manages to move his hand between them in a movement that Naruto would do, and adds, “—this?”

Naruto gives him a sideways little smile. “Actually, I told Shikamaru, Ino was just there.”

Once again. What?

“What?”

Naruto grins. Bright and toothy, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “Sasuke, teme. You’re easier to read than you think.”

Sasuke is about to yell at him because what? But then Naruto’s smile softens, and it’s sweet and tender and intimate. And the words that come out of his lips moments later roll off his tongue and roll up through the air and dance and spin and hit Sasuke with such force that he practically staggers.

“I love you too, you bastard.”

It’s too much.

And Naruto is smiling, and Naruto is there and everywhere and Sasuke wants to drown in him.

So he does. He takes a step and closes the distance between them and drowns in him.

One of his hands takes him from the suit and brings him closer while the other slips behind him and mixes with the strands of hair that are too soft against his skin. And then he kisses him again. He kisses him as he should be kissed. He kisses the brain out of him and leans against his personal space and enters his bubble of warmth, the warmth that radiates from every pore of his being. He kisses him and gets drunk with his smell and his skin and all of him.

He kisses him and Naruto kisses him back and Sasuke almost sighs. Because it feels so good to be real; because it feels like falling into bed after a long and tiring day. It feels like a hot shower against your aching body and like the emotion you feel when climbing a roller coaster.

It’s all at once.

Rawly intense and gently soothing.

It’s chaos.

And he kisses him again and again and again and again and again and again and again until he loses the count.

“You know what?” Naruto says in a moment. His voice is agitated and his breathing is uneven and unsteady and he is trying to pull more air inside of him. And his lips are a little swollen and Sasuke kisses him again, short and fast, before he speaks again, because Sasuke can’t help it and stop now. “Now that I think about it, I’m much better at expressing myself than you are.”

“Shut up, usuratonkachi.”

Naruto laughs. And it’s the most beautiful thing Sasuke has ever heard before.

ALSO. I absolutely ADORE the part where they’re 15. Like, how Sasuke keeps thinking “Naruto’s too much” because his sole presence overwhelms him, the fact that he keeps thinking about kissing him, the fact that he can’t take his eyes off him, the fact that he hit someone so freaking hard because they said they would “kill themselves if they had that [Naruto’s] face”, the fact that he was jealous of girls noticing Naruto because of his looks, because “yeah, Naruto was so goddamn attractive (he keeps thinking about touching him, wondering about how his skin would feel against his fingers, wanting to touch his face, his hair, daydreaming about his eyes. Dude is just Gone LOL), but ALSO, would yOU DUMB GIRLS HEAR ABOUT HIS STORIES ABOUT RAMEN??? WOULD YOU HEAR HIM BABBLE ABOUT HIS FAVORITE DUMB MOVIES AND POP MUSIC??? WOULD YOU??? WELL, I DO!!!! SO FUCK OFF!!!!!!” LMAO. I LIVE for Sasuke’s Gay Crisis and him realizing he finds his best friend criminally attractive and endearing.

(I’M SO SORRY FOR MAKING THIS ANSWER SO LONG, OMG).

4. What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

Because I’m predictable and also because, like I said, I’m a cheesy dork, my favorite line is: “I love you too, you bastard.” It just has so much power, for me. It’s so intimate and I love how Naruto says “too” even when Sasuke doesn’t say it out loud before, because Naruto just knows. It’s so gentle, even when he’s calling him “bastard” (that at this point is actually a pet name rather than an insult LMAO).

Bonus to:

“Sasuke, you’re a fucking idiot.”

I really love it LMAO. I like it because I find it funny that it’s what Naruto says just before he kisses him, but also because it’s actually so tender, too??? Like Sasuke was all “MAYBE I DON’T LIKE YOU ANYMORE, HUH?!?! MAYBE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I FINALLY GOT TIRED OF YOU”; he’s throwing all this drama but he’s actually spilling his heart out and Naruto can see all through it, he can literally see what he’s actually thinking, and it just. Hits. Hard. So he’s just like, “I’m gonna cut this bullshit right here” and goes “Sasuke, you’re a fucking idiot”, with a tone that basically means actually that, like “sasuke, you fucking IDIOT. i KNOW. i KNOW. stop hurting yourself”, and it just gets me, haha.

“Do you want to go to the prom with me?” […] “I’m serious, Sas. I want you to go with me.”

I was so excited when I wrote those two lines. Again, I’m weak for Naruto calling him “Sas”, and I wanted so bad Naruto asking him to prom. Even if it’s not with a big gesture, it FEELS like so much for both of them. And I wanted to make sure that it sounded like he wasn’t joking around, even if he made the proposal “easier to digest” by phrasing it later like he was asking Sasuke just because he was his best friend and he wanted him to have fun with him (which, yeah, but he also knew about Sasuke being in love with him, and Naruto was, too, so he was just being assertive in the situation, trying to make it easier for Sasuke because he knows him, and he knows how big it already feels like for him just being asked as a friend).

“Because I want you to take your head out of your ass for a moment and have fun with your best friend?”

Naruto telling Sasuke to take his head out of his ass is my favorite thing ever LMAO.

7. Where did the title come from?

To be honest, I’m TERRIBLE to put titles. I always forget to name my fics, because I focus on the story itself first, haha. I always save the docs in word like “childhood friends au sns” or “christmas au” or things like that, planning to actually name them later, but I ALWAYS forget to do it. I always remember when I actually have to put a name to it because I’m about to post it on AO3 and it asks me for a title first, LOL. So, basically, this one (and all my other titles) came up last minute. I have always liked when Naruto is compared to the Sun (I do it at the end of the fic, too, haha), and I thought the fic itself revolves around Sasuke’s love for Naruto, Sasuke’s journey to get to know Naruto and fall for him, and Sasuke realizing his feelings and being constantly overwhelmed by them because of they’re so strong and so deep and because Naruto just feels like Too Much sometimes (in a good, messy way) to him. So I thought it was accurate to call it “The Sun is too bright, it hurts”, because for me, it basically encompasses what the fic is about: Naruto is too much sometimes that it actually hurts Sasuke, because he Can’t Handle Feelings and it’s Suffocating and Overwhelming and Scary, but it’s okay at the end, because Naruto feels just as much as him. (I actually wanted to add “but it’s okay” at the end, but I felt like it was too long already LOL).

8. Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

It’s not actually real people or real events, but I actually based the scene where Sasuke saves Naruto from getting run over by a car from one of my favorite, favorite scenes in Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe. It’s a lot like the one there in the book, but I found it a very Sasuke Thing to do, and I also liked how it lined up with the fact that “Sasuke’s feet moved on its own” in actual canon. Boy is willing to give his life for Naruto in any universe and I respect that, LOL.

The scene where people were talking shit about Naruto’s face is based from a scene I watched on the movie Wonder. I always cry with the movie and I had just watched it before writing the fic, so I wanted to write something based on that scene because it got me hard.

It’s also pretty obvious, but the accidental kiss is there because I absolutely Love it and I have mad respect for Kishimoto for that, so if I can, I’m going to make that accidental kiss happen in every single fic I write for them LOL.

Anyways, that would be all!!!!! I’m so sorry for making this hella long, lol, but I’m honestly so happy you were curious about this fic!!!! Like I said, I have a soft spot for this one, just as much as I have a soft spot for SNS. They will always be my favorite boys and my favorite ship ever. And I really enjoyed re-reading my own stuff and remembering my feelings while writing it years ago. AND IT JUST. MEANS A LOT TO ME???? This fic is from YEARS ago, and the fact that you ask about it just means more than I can express with words. SO, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING, HONESTLY.

I HOPE YOU’RE HAVING AN AMAZING DAY/NIGHT. I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BEYOND. HOPE YOU’RE SAFE, OKAY AND HAPPY. <333333333333333 LOTS OF LOVE FOR YOU!!!!!

#asks #my writing #my fics #sns #THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING YOU'RE SO SWEET I CAN'T BELIEVE IT #i love you!!! ;--;#i really really appreciate it #and i really really hope you're doing fine #SENDING YOU HUGS AND WARM POSITIVE VIBES!!!!!!!!#the sun is too bright it hurts #this is soooo criminally long tho #i'm so sorry omg #why am i like this #why do i talk a lot

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roaringgirl · 3 years

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Books read in January

I am keeping this as a little record for myself, as I already keep a list (my best new year’s resolution - begun Jan 2018) but don’t record my thoughts

General thoughts on this - I read a lot this month but it played into my worst tendencies to read very very fast and not reflect, something I’m particularly prone too with modern fiction. I just, so to speak, swallow it without thinking. First 5 or so entries apart, I did quite well in my usually miserably failed attempt to have my reading be at least half books by women.

1. John le Carré - Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (1974): I liked this a lot! I sort of lost track of the Cold War and shall we say ethics-concerned parts of it and ended up reading a fair bit of it as an English comedy of manners - but I absolutely love all the bizarre rules about what is in bad taste (are these real? Did le Carré make them up?).

2. John le Carré - The Spy Who Came in From the Cold (1963): I liked this a lot less. It seemed at the same time wilfully opaque and entirely predictable. Have been thinking a lot about genre fiction - I love westerns and noir, so wonder if for me British genre fiction doesn’t quite scratch the same itch.

3. David Lodge - Ginger You’re Barmy (1962): This was fine. I don’t have much to say about it - I was interested in reading about National Service and a bit bogged down in a history of it so read a novel. As with most comic novels, it was perfectly readable but not very funny.

4. Dan Simmons - Song of Kali (1985): His first novel. This is quite enjoyable just for the amount of Grand Guignol gore, and also because I like to imagine it caused the Calcutta tourist board some consternation. Wildly structurally flawed, however. Best/worst quote: ‘Hearing Amrita speak was like being stroked by a firm but well-oiled palm.’ Continues in that vein.

5. Richard Vinen - National Service: A Generation in Uniform (2014): If you are interested in National Service, this is a good overview! If not, not.

6. Sarah Moss - Ghost Wall (2018): I absolutely loved this. About a camping trip trying to recreate Iron Age Britain. Just, very upsetting but so so good - a horror story where the horror is male violence and abuse within the (un)natural family unit.

7. Kate Grenville - A Room Made of Leaves (2020): Excellent idea, but not amazing execution - the style is kind of bland in that ‘ironed out in MFA workshops’ way (I have no idea if she did an MFA but that’s what it felt like). Rewriting the story of early Australian colonisation through the POV of John Macarthur’s wife Elizabeth.

8. Ruth Goodman - How to Be a Victorian (2013): I mostly read this for Terror fic reasons, if I’m honest. I skimmed a lot of it but she has a charming authorial voice and I really like that she covers the beginning of the period, not just post-1870.

9. Gary Shteyngart - Super Sad True Love Story (2010): I read this on a recommendation from Ms Poose after I asked for good fiction mostly concerned with the internet, and I thought it was excellent - it’s very exaggerated/non-realistic and that heightening of incident and affect works so well.

10. Brenda Wineapple - The Impeachers: The Trial of Andrew Johnson and the Dream of a Just Nation (2019): What a great book. I had to keep putting it down because reading about Reconstruction always makes me so sad and frustrated with what might have been - the lost dream of a better world.

11. Halle Butler - The New Me (2019): Reading this while single, starting antidepressants and stuck in an office job that bores me to death but is too stable/undemanding to complain about maybe wasn’t a great decision, for me, emotionally.

12. Halle Butler - Jillian (2015): Ditto.

13. Ottessa Moshfegh - Death in Her Hands (2020): Very disappointed by this. I don’t really like meta-fiction unless it’s really something special and this wasn’t. Also, I’m stupid and really bad at reading, like, postmodern allegorical fiction I just never get it.

14. Andrea Lawlor - Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl (2017): This was really really hot! I will admit I don’t think the reflections on gender, homophobia, AIDS etc are very deep or as revealing as some reviews made out, but I also don’t think they’re supposed to be? It’s a lot of fun and all of the characters in it are so precisely, fondly but meanly sketched.

15. Catherine Lacey - The Answers (2017): This was fine! Readable, enjoyable, but honestly it has not stuck with me. There are only so many sad girl dystopias you can read and I think I overdid it with them this month.

16. Hilary Mantel - Wolf Hall (2010, reread): Was supposed to read the first 55 pages of this for my two-person book club, but I completely lack self-restraint so reread the whole thing in four days. Like, I love it I don’t really know what else to say. I was posing for years that ‘Oh, Mantel’s earlier novels are better, they’re such an interesting development of Muriel Spark and the problem of evil and farce’ blah blah blah but nope, this is great.

17. Oisin Fagan - Hostages (2016): Book of short stories that I disliked intensely, which disappointed me because I tore through Nobber in horrified fascination (his novel set in Ireland during the Black Death - which I really cannot recommend enough. It’s so intensely horrible but, like Mantel although in a completely different style/method, he has the trick of not taking the past on modern terms). A lot of this is sci-fi dystopia short stories which just aren’t... very good or well-sustained. BUT I did appreciate it because it is absolutely the opposite of pleasant, competently-written but forgettable MFA fiction.

18. Muriel Spark - Loitering with Intent (1981): Probably my least favourite Spark so far, but still good. I think the Ealing Comedy-esque elements of her style are most evident and most dated here. It just doesn’t have the same sentence-by-sentence sting as most of her work, and again I don’t like meta-fiction.

19. Hilary Mantel - Bring up the Bodies (2012, reread): Having (re)read all of these in about 3 months, I think this is probably my favourite of the three. I just love the way a whole world, whole centuries and centuries of history and society spiral out from every paragraph. And just stylistically, how perfect - every sentence is a cracker. I’m just perpetually in awe of Mantel as a prose stylist (although I dislike that everyone seems to write in the present tense now and blame her for it).

20. Muriel Spark - The Girls of Slender Means (1963, reread): (TW weight talk etc ) As always, Hilary Mantel sets me off on a Muriel Spark spree. I’ve read this too many times to say much about it other than that the denouement always makes me go... my hips definitely wouldn’t fit through that window. Maybe I should lose weight in case I have to crawl out of a bathroom window due to a fire caused by an unexploded bomb from WW2???? Which is a wild throwback to my mentality as a 16 year old.

21. China Mieville - Perdido Street Station (2000, reread): What a lot of fun. I know we don’t do steampunk anymore BUT I do like that he got in the whole economic and justice system of the early British Industrial Revolution and not just like steam engines. God, maybe I should read more sci-fi. Maybe I should reread the rest of this trilogy but that’s like 2000 pages. Maybe I should reread the City and the City because at least that’s short and ties exactly into my Disco Elysium obsession (the mod I downloaded to unlock all dialogue keeps breaking the game though. Is there a script online???)

22. Stephen King - Carrie (1974): I have a confession to make: I was supposed to teach this to one of my tutees and then just never read it, but to be honest we’re still doing basic reading comprehension anyway. That sounds mean but she’s very sweet and I love teaching her because she gets perceptibly less intimidated/critical of herself every lesson. ANYWAY I read half of this in the bath having just finished my period, which I think was perfect. It’s fun! Stephen King is fun! I don’t have anything deeper to say.

23. Hilary Mantel - Every Day is Mother’s Day (1985): You can def tell this is a first novel because it doesn’t quite crackle with the same demonic energy as like, An Experiment in Love or Beyond Black, but all the recurring themes are there. If it were by anyone else I’d be like good novel! But it’s not as good as her other novels.

24. Dominique Fortier - On the Proper Usage of Stars (2010): This was... perfectly competent. Kind of dull? It made me think of what I appreciate about Dan Simmons which is how viscerally unpleasant he makes being in the Navy seem generally, and man-hauling with scurvy specifically. This had the same problem with some other FE fiction which is that they’re mostly not willing to go wild and invent enough so the whole thing is kind of diffuse and under-characterised. Although I hated the invented plucky Victorian orphan who’s great at magnetism and taxonomy and read all ONE THOUSAND BOOKS or whatever on the ships before they got thawed out at Beechey (and then the plotline just went nowhere because they immediately all died???) I had to skim all his bits in irritation. I liked the books more than this makes it sound I was just like Mr Tuesday I hope you fall down a crevasse sooner rather than later.

25. Muriel Spark - The Abbess of Crewe (1974): Transposing Watergate to an English convent is quite funny, although it took me an embarrassingly long time to realise that’s what she was doing even though I lit read a book covering Watergate in detail in December. Muriel Spark is just so, so stylish I’m always consumed with envy. I think a lot of her books don’t quite hang together as books but sentence by sentence... they’re exquisite and incomparable.

Overall thoughts: This month was very indulgent since I basically just inhaled a lot of not challenging fiction. I need to enjoy myself less, so next month we’re finishing a biography of Napoleon, reading the Woman in White and finishing the Lesser Bohemians which currently I’m struggling with since it’s like nearly as impenetrable Joyce c. Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man but, so far... well I hesitate to say bad since I think once I get into I’ll be into it but. Bad.

#book club

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ohboywonder · 5 years

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Suddenly There - A Narnia Fanfiction

Chapter Seven: Lessons

words: 2503 | AO3 warnings: none

Content: Suddenly Joyce stumbles into Narnia. Meeting the four Pevensies, she gets taken in and care of. A tension builds up between her and Edmund, although Joyce is clueless that he himself is a King, too. Peter though seems interested in her too and just as Lucy and Susan found out that there’s no way back to England, an attack puts Joyce to the test and she has to proof that Asland picked out the right person to bring back peace to Narnia.

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - ...

“I heard a rumour!”, a voice sang right into my ear while I was sitting at the table in the dining hall. I was having a lonely breakfast because I had gotten up quite late. Nightmares and bad dreams of home had kept me up all night and I was not in the best mood. Phileas had a night shift and when I had left my room he had already been gone.

But on the other hand – I had made my way to the hall by myself without asking anyone for directions. It had taken me a while, but I’d made it.

As I now looked up, Lucy stood next to me. She was wearing a cream-coloured dress with dark red laced rims and elaborate embroidery. No matter what she wore, it always looked stunning on her.

“Good morning to you too.”, I said and smiled back. It was hard to stay grumpy when Lucy smiled at one like she did now.

“I’m going to be your teacher!”, she screeched and sat down next to me. “Isn’t this exciting?”

“What will you teach me?”, I asked, eyebrows raised, and took the stiff napkin in my hands to clean them of any remaining breadcrumbs. Breakfast had been toast and porridge today, along with fruits and fresh milk. It was delicious, but it also reminded me of home. I started to wonder whether the fauns working in the kitchens were making an effort to cook British dishes to make the Royals feel at home. And then I asked myself if they felt the way I did and if it maybe hurt them more than it helped them.

“Manners!”, she said and for a second I wondered whether I had done anything wrong. Then I realised it was her subjects and I started to laugh, which made Lucy pout.

“Sorry”, I wheezed, trying d to get my breathing under control again. “I… it’s just so funny to imagine you teaching me manners when I thought you were the funniest of your siblings.”

“All right, I get your point.”, Lucy said and played with a curl of her brown hair. “But it’s not really hard. There are just some general rules on how you’re supposed to sit, stand and walk, who you’re allowed to talk to and who needs to talk to you first, where in a room you can stand and where you’re not supposed to be… All these small things and then we’ll go into behaviour at the banquet, which cutlery is used for which meal and-”

“Lucy”, I interrupted her. “Peter said I had four weeks to learn all of this. Not four years!”

That made her laugh. “You’ll be fine. I doubt anyone will pay much attention to you anyways.”

“Oy, that was rude!”, I said and poked her in her side, which made her giggle.

“Sorry, but, hey, stop it!”, she laughed and tickled me. Ten minutes later we were breathing heavily and my stomach hurt from laughing so hard. “I just meant”, Lucy tried again, “that there are other things that people will pay attention to, rather than someone they’ve never seen maybe using the wrong fork. But we’ll avoid this through practice. Don’t worry.”

“I don’t”, I said honestly. “With you as my teacher, everyone will notice how incredibly good I am with a fork.”

This made her laugh again.

Three hours later I had mastered the perfect curtsy. Also, I had learned how to address Lucy and her siblings in the correct way. My head was buzzing from the information that it had to take in. But it seemed like I was about to be rescued from my lesson.

Edmund knocked on the door and entered my chamber. The faun replacing Phileas, an older faun with dark curls and big horns, glanced into the room to check whether everything was all right and regained his posture in front of my door again, as Edmund closed the door behind him.

“Lu, you’re going to be late.”, he said and Lucy looked up at the grandfather clock in the corner of my room. This was followed by a heavy sigh. She put the books aside and rose to her feet, straightening out her skirt and smiled at me before turning towards Edmund.

“I nearly forgot because this was so much fun. Thanks for reminding me, Ed!” And with that she rushed through the door Edmund had just closed.

“Late for what?”, I asked and slowly turned around. The book, that I had been balancing on my head for the past ten minutes, fell down. Lucy had had a lot of criticism for my posture and wanted to fix it before, and I quote, “anyone would have to see you ruining a really beautiful dress with the way you stand”. This had been followed by the explanation that the dresses we wore every day, which I found insanely stunning already, were apparently only the ‘normal’ dresses. The extraordinary ones were reserved for balls, banquets and coronations. When these were the normal ones, I didn’t know whether I would be able to stand the beauty of the others. Edmund smiled at me, before he got on one knee to help me pick up all the books.

“She always has a court day”, he now answered my previous question while handing me a book, “where she’ll allow her subjects to come forth and ask for help or tell her about problems. If she can, she figures something out to help them. It’s always around this time a week.”

He handed me back my book and our fingers touched. This moment it was hard for me to breathe because my heart just skipped a beat. “Thanks.”, I stammered. For a moment it was quiet between us. “Well…”, I said, trying to say something instead of just staring at Edmund, “I guess that marks the end of my lessons for today?”

A grin spread out over his cheeks. “Oh, absolutely not. I’m here to pick you up for something else.”, he said and then bowed a little. “If I may, of course.”

A little surprised, I nodded. My heart was still fluttering, so my steps, when I followed him, where a little unsure. “More lessons?”, I asked while he held the door open for me. We passed the dark-haired faun and made our way through the corridors.

“Curiosity killed the cat, that was the saying, right?”, he asked me and I nodded surprised. I could imagine that sayings like these would slip your mind if not often used, but he remembered it. Even after ten years.

My thoughts pondered over which sayings he had kept after all this time as well and so I did not notice where we were going. “Where...?”, I started, but then we walked around a corner and I recognised the path from our earlier walk. “The… training grounds?”, I asked and looked through one of the high windows.

“Exactly. I wanted to show you something before we start your lesson. It’s because we still have some time before we can start.”, he said, his hands crossed behind his back, as usual.

“What’s this lesson on, out here?”, I wondered, as we stood on the grass again. Targets were erected, at least 100 yards away from where we stood, the grass was trimmed. Multiple weapons were on display. Nothing had changed. I could feel my spirits rise.

“Do you want to teach me how to handle bow and arrow? Or a crossbow?”, I asked excitedly but Edmund shook his head, a light smile still on his lips.

“Not yet. I think we can do that once you’ve mastered what I am actually supposed to teach you. But for now, just follow me.”

“You speak in riddles…”, I mumbled exhausted and looked around. “Then what are you supposed to teach me out here?”

“Not out here. But later I’m supposed to teach you how to dance.”, he said and stopped. “But since the musicians are still practicing, we can’t dance yet. And since the weather is beautiful, I wanted to show you something. A place that is very special to me.”

And with that he continued to walk over the soft grass towards where the world seemed to end, approaching the cliff. My mouth still hung open. I was supposed to dance?

With Edmund?

Oh, how delightful. This would not make my life any easier…

I sighed and followed him, my thoughts spiralling around the dance lessons that would inevitably follow. The closer I got, the more I could hear the ocean again. And then I saw that the meadow ended and steep ledge lead down right to the water. “Come on”, he said and waved me to follow him. Nearly hidden behind rocks and grass was a path. When we were here the first time I hadn’t even noticed.

“Wow”, I whispered and stepped closer to the edge. I then followed Edmund. The path led to a little cave just below the cliff. He stood close to the edge, pointing at something in the water.

Even without having to focus on anything Edmund wanted to show me, this sight was incredible. The cave was a little hole, completely hidden away from sight. If anyone would stand on the edge, they would not see if people would hide down here. Roots from the grass and bushes upwards were dangling from the top of the cave and on the rocky ground the feet could get a good grip.

“Can you see them?”, Edmund suddenly asked me and I looked up at him. He smiled and his hand pointed towards the water. I stepped a little closer. My gaze wandered over the waves, whose white crestwaves sparkled in the sun, following where Edmund was pointing. At first I couldn’t see anything other than the ocean and although it looked nothing like the stormy, grey waves of home, my heart grew heavy. The wind blew away my blond hair and I felt my eyes itching with tears.

“Mom and I always went to the sea during the summer.”, I suddenly said. Although this looked nothing like what I was used to, memories started to pull me back in. “We would collect the nicest pebbles and stones and tried to… to stack them as high as we could. Then… then the war came.”

I felt a tear running down my cheek and suddenly Edmund’s hand touched my shoulder and he squeezed it. “I can imagine. But look closer.”, he said and suddenly I spotted them.

I squinted a little and then I could see the bodies, the tails and the glistening hair, all pellucid. “Are those mermaids?”, I asked, absolutely taken aback.

“Naiads. Just like the Dryads, but… in the water.”, he said cleverly and smiled. “I like them. They remind me of home. My parents always took us to the sea, too.” His expression grew sadder, but he put on a brave smile.

“Do you ever get used to this? Being away without the possibility to get back?”, I asked, being reminded of my earlier thoughts.

“Not really”, he mumbled. The wind blew through his hair as well and I could see a few freckles on his nose and forehead.

“I’m sorry”, I said quietly. “It must be weird to talk to someone like me, being suddenly here and maybe, hopefully, going back when you got used to living here now.”

He chuckled lightly, facing the sea and crossing his hands behind his back again. “You never get accustomed to it, not really. Not me.”

I really wanted to say something. His face grew sadder again and his thoughts seemed to wander off. Then his expression grew grave and he turned around, waving me with him. He still seemed a little upset. “How good are you at horseback riding?”, he asked suddenly, maybe trying to change the topic, maybe trying to kill some more time, and with that, the peak into the life of the other was ended.

I got the answer to that question an hour later and it was: not good.

Horses are very majestic creatures. That’s at least what I always thought of them. They’re huge and fast and beautiful, but riding a horse is something entirely different. Especially if you’re supposed to ride on a sidesaddle – something I’d never done before. There were a million things one needed to concentrate on. The reins, your back, your feet, your hips, the horse’s step, the surroundings, yours arms and your fingers. Also, one should not constantly look down.

Edmund told me all these things, repeatedly. In a calm and slightly amused manner.

We were on the training grounds again, closer to the castle now. A couple of fauns had brought Edmund’s horse and one for me, saddled and ready. Edmund though had refused to ride himself, but he was holding the lunge line, and helped me with additional information and comments.

“Oh shit”, I cursed as I tried to brush a strand of my hair out of my eyes and hit myself in the face with the reins. That made Edmund laugh.

“Sorry? I should not swear so much.”

“What? No, that’s great. It’s so natural. It does not seem like you’re wearing a mask or put up a show. You’re simply yourself.”

“Yeah, what about it?”, I asked, sitting up straight again and monitoring the horse from above, trying to gain back my posture.

“It’s so unusual around here.”

When I dared to look away from my horse, I saw Edmund smiling at me. I felt my stomach drop a little, but it could as well have been the horse’s fault, because it used this moment of inattention bolted forwards and went into trot and then galloped straight forward. Since Edmund and I hadn’t discussed what to do in a situation similar to this, I shrieked and pulled the reins closer to my body, but not upwards. I froze and pressed my leg against the horse and leaned in the opposite direction, trying to not fall off.

“It’s all right”, I heard Edmund’s voice and suddenly his hand pulled on my reins, took them and then the horse… stopped. He was on his own horse, I can’t remember how he did it – how he got up there so fast, but the horses now stood next to each other and he looked at me, concerned.

“Are you all right?”

“I wish… shit, that was scary!”

And then, he giggled. “You’re right. Let’s get you off there now. We may try dancing now, what do you say?”

“Anything but this, please?”, I said and still could feel my heart beating in my throat.

He slid of his horse and held a hand out to me, a gentle smile on his lips, and when my hand touched his and our eyes met, I couldn’t help but feel a little warmer, a little safer, a little more like being in Narnia was not that bad after all.

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the-prophet-lemonade · 5 years

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20 First Lines

Rules: List the first line(s) of your last twenty stories. See if you find any patterns. Tag ten authors to pass it along.

Tagged by: @lecrit!

Tagging: @attackonmyponderland @flecksofpoppy @chonideno @wingsofbadass @magnusbicon @volskayas @itsallaboutflowermetaphors

Funny story, I’ve only got 21 fics on AO3 so we’re not gonna revisit all of those ... not by a long shot ...

1. “Alexander, your face is telling me you’ve never seen a talking cat before.”

2. This is a blood-on-the-sidewalk sort of city; Alec has always believed that much. A grey and moody city, steeped in constant cloud and rain and dirty nighttime, hanging on to politically-tinged Cold War feelings, even twenty years after the fact.

3. It starts with a ring. Or, really— the lack of a ring.

4. The sun is low and watery through the passageways between skyscrapers, and collects the city dirt like lint. Through the window of the apartment, it’s already turning grey and polluted, not the sort of sunlight that Jean enjoys on his skin; he’s caught by the need to scrub it off.

5. Alec stares at Magnus from across the breadth of the operations room, and thirty feet feel so much like three hundred that it makes his fingers itch.

6. To tell you the truth, I’m not even sure why we have the pool.

7. Alec Lightwood doesn’t believe in soulmates.

8. Alexander doesn’t remember the first time he shared a bed with someone. Isabelle being pressed against his shoulder, her face obscured by a mane of wild, black hair, is a constant of his childhood, and there’s no quantum point around which he can say: yes, that was the first time.

9. Magnus isn’t sure what’s worse: the thought that the Chairman might like Alec more than him, or the thought that Alec might like the Chairman more than Magnus.

10. Stardate: 82153.10, 2567 days since Mars departure.

11. “Atlas! Atlas, you’re out of alignment!”

12. “You look like father,” she says, lifting her chin, although her voice sounds hollow in the dark cavern of the great hall.

13. He touches her back to remind himself that he’s real; that she’s real; that he’s not strapped to some metal table in the underbelly of the world; and that she’s not bandaged up to the nines in some damned hospital somewhere between here and the ends of the earth.

14. “Your liver is going to give up on you before you reach thirty,” Levi deadpans. “If I didn’t need this job, I would stop selling you beer, Kirschtein.”

15. Sunrise over the Pacific Ocean should be something to marvel at, especially on a cloudless day such as this.

16. One day, Jean wakes up, and it isn’t normal. It, his breathing, the universe, the way the world spins when he plants both feet on the floor and tries to haul himself out of bed. It’s the same feeling as being at sea for a long time and forgetting what it means to walk on land. Everything seems to sway, as if he can still feel the ebb and flow of waves beneath his feet, even though he has never seen the ocean in his life.

17. Jean licks his lips and tastes salt.

... aaaaand that’s all we’re remembering today, folks! It’s honestly ridiculous that I can quote the entire first few lines of Droplets without even looking it up, but that’s who I am now.

The best first line is definitely #1.

#writing #20 first lines #there's definitely a pattern here but i can't see it #i guess it like first lines that are deliberately vague and make no sense without context #interesting to see that my got fic and txf fic both forgo pronouns in their openings sentences #but that fits really well with the mood of both #anyway this was a trip down memory lane i completely forgot what the opener of OTDM was

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austennerdita2533 · 6 years

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Have you read love in the time of cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marques? If yes, what did you think? It was a pretty dense book for me at first but the writing was so exquisite, that it became almost effortless to read. Sometimes I paused just to admire how he constructed a sentence. And I thought he could make ordinary and even tragic things so amusing, I was on awe at some of the things he made me laugh about.

Yes, I have! I read it many years ago (perhaps 7-9 years ago?), in the summer between college semesters.

Love In The Time Of Cholera is one of my favorite works of his (I’d love to read it again someday in Spanish, tbh) and I often rec it out to people because I think it’s a book worth reading just as much as I think Márquez is an author worth exploring. I’ve read quite a few of his short stories as well, and what always strikes me about him is the unique, sometimes paradoxical way, he combines or connects things that are seemingly unrelated. And also how he subverts common tropes by turning them on their heads in ways readers wouldn’t readily expect. I don’t know how else to explain it, but I love how his words come at you in a double-pronged fashion: blurring the lines between fantasy and reality. (Jorge Luis Borges, another Spanish writer, does this as well but in more of a labyrinth-y way.) I’ve found most, if not all, of Márquez’s works to be pretty dense in language myself, but once you dive into his prose it’s impossible not to be struck by his exquisitely crafted words and meanings. They sit with you long after you close the book. Resonating somewhere deep.

Like this quote for me: “Amputees suffer pains, cramps, itches in the leg that is no longer there. That is how she felt without him, feeling his presence where he no longer was.” Just gah! The solitude and loneliness Márquez hits on again and again in his work kills me.

It’s so true that he makes even tragic or appalling things amusing, though, isn’t it? Whenever I think about Love In The Time Of Cholera, I immediately remember how one of the first things we learn about Florentino as readers is that he suffers from insomnia and chronic constipation. Like--Márquez spends a sufficient amount of time and words talking about this character’s physical sufferings, the different remedies he’s tried in an effort to appease the pain over the years. And the funny (okay - ironic) thing about this plot point is how it carries over into a larger theme of Florentino’s “constipated” love for Fermina. How he’s basically “stuck” in it and waiting for her to return it his whole life. Even while she’s married to another man. Hiding the fact, of course, that even though he promises her his heart’s fidelity, he’s bodily promiscuous with many, many other females. (A prime example of how Márquez marries purity with taint. He’s such a lover of paradox--but I digress!)

Oh! And how about how Dr. Urbino dies trying to get his beloved pet parrot out of the mango tree? Like what a ridiculous way to die. (Especially when it’s pointed out beforehand how all he wants is to nap, “enjoy the smell of his own urine,” and read a book.) It’s horrifying yet kind of hilarious at the same time.

Márquez is such a unique and gifted writer. I legit cried when he passed away in 2014 before, unsurprisingly, going on a virulent rereading binge of his stuff in both English and Spanish haha.

#anonymous #replies #the loveliest of lovely people #ashlee bree talks books #gabriel garcía márquez #love in the time of cholera #Anonymous

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ramajmedia · 5 years

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Friends: 10 Monica Memes That Are Too Hilarious For Words

Monica Geller is one of the most popular sitcom characters. The Friends resident chef and lover of clean spaces is known for being equal parts funny and strict at any given moment. Whether we can relate to her or not (as in, whether we're super neat or messy), we can't help but root for her relationship with Chandler, her foodie career, and her general life success.

RELATED: Outlander: 10 Hilarious Lord John Grey Memes That Are Too Funny

There are tons of memes out there about our favorite TV shows (or any pop culture aspect that we're obsessed with). Thankfully, Friends has given fans more than enough content and material for some funny memes. Here are 10 Monica memes that are too hilarious for words.

10 Monica's Life Motto

This Monica meme is too hilarious for words since it proves that this is basically the character's life motto. She can't help but tell people when they're doing things incorrectly (or, in this case, when they're not doing it the way that she would).

RELATED: How I Met Your Mother: 10 Hilarious Memes Only True Fans Will Understand

This is a quote from the season 10 episode "The One With Rachel's Going Away Party" but fans could definitely picture her saying this at any given point throughout the series' ten year run.

9 Butter Is The Best

This meme is so great for two reasons: it showcases Rachel and Monica's unique, quirky friendship... and also Monica's (sometimes overly) confident personality.

These two friends really couldn't be any more different. While Rachel can freak out about anything at the drop of a hat, Monica is definitely the more highly strung of the two characters. And while Rachel really can't cook anything, Monica is a trained, professional chef. Instead of giving Rachel some friendly cooking advice beforehand, Monica would rather explain that she had done something wrong. It's classic Monica. And, finally, this meme is hilarious thanks to the fact that it involves butter. Butter really does make everything better (even pop culture memes).

8 Know-It-All

Is there a bigger know-it-all on a sitcom than Monica? What about a TV drama, or a movie, or even popular culture in general?

RELATED: 10 Hilarious Moana Memes That Are Too Funny

Probably not... which is why this Monica meme is too hilarious for words. This is a solid reminder that a real life friend like Monica would probably get pretty annoying at times. Who wants a know-it-all for a good friend?! But we love to watch her on TV because her neurotic tendencies are so humorous, and Courteney Cox plays her so well.

7 Our Favorite Couple

Fans of Friends are used to how totally different Monica and Chandler (aka one of everyone's favorite sitcom couples) are. While Chandler is goofy and silly and can't stop making jokes, Monica worries a lot more... about everything.

In a hilarious meme, they're both smiling in totally opposite ways, which brings to light their wildly different personalities. Chances are, we can relate to this if we have our own friends telling us that we always look super serious in photos. What can we say? There are some people who can smile naturally and look great when being photographed... and then there's the rest of us.

6 Wedding Bells

Anyone who is engaged or married knows the anticipation and thrill of knowing that your wedding day is fast approaching. You've done so much planning and yet there are still so many details to figure out.

That's no big deal for someone like Monica, of course, who thrives on tiny details and perfection. Fans were excited to watch Monica and Chandler finally get married, and in a meme that is too hilarious for words, Monica shows how she just can't wait until they're officially husband and wife.

5 Sleep Cleaning

Has anyone heard of sleep cleaning? You know, tidying your room/apartment/house while you're getting your beauty sleep?

No? Well, it's definitely something that Monica would love to do, which makes this a totally hilarious meme. Many people shudder at the thought of cleaning since it's so dull, but the joy that Monica finds in this domestic activity is honestly a little bit inspiring.

4 Fighting Friends

It's always rough to fight with friends in real life, and it's even worse to watch our favorite Friends argue or not get along. This Monica meme is too hilarious for words and features one such Monica/Rachel argument.

RELATED: 10 Hidden Details In Golden Girls You Never Noticed

It's always painful to hear what someone really thinks of us... and that's exactly what these two characters do in this scene. Thankfully, everyone knows that they'll patch things up quickly (but oh, how we loved watching the scene).

3 Telling Time

Of all the sibling relationships on TV, Monica and Ross have a really great one. Like most brothers and sisters, they act like they can't stand each other most of the time but it's clear that they do care about one another.

Of course, it's funnier when they're not getting along. This hilarious meme is a perfcet example of a time when Ross was just itching to make fun of his perfect sister Monica. And now we're feeling even more nostalgic for Friends...

2 The Truth

The best part about being a fan of a show like Friends is being able to see ourselves in the main characters . We love being able to relate to them and it can be comforting to realize that we're not alone in our neurotic or weird tendencies.

RELATED: 10 Hilarious Pixar Logic Memes Only True Disney Fans Will Understand

Of course, we always see our own pals in these characters, especially when it comes to Friends. This meme is too hilarious for words and proves that we all know a Monica in our lives. She's all about cleaning, cooking, and getting worked up about things... and we love her so much.

1 Neat Freak

Finally, we have the best Monica meme of all: one that talks about what a neat freak she is.

When it comes to a sitcom character who is weirdly wild about cleaning the house and can spot clutter or dirt from two miles away, she's only tied with Danny Tanner from Full House. We really do believe that if she learned that someone's apartment was super messy, she would have terrible insomnia and would have to rush over and clean it. And, honestly, she would never be happier... and we would never laugh harder.

NEXT: 10 Quotes From Cheers That Are Still Hilarious Today

source https://screenrant.com/friends-monica-memes-too-hilarious-words-tv-show/

#screenrant

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hornyliverpudlianputz · 5 years

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What advice would you give to someone starting college?

Hokay, great fucking question anon. A few things that I would have found helpful, and everyone do please feel free to add on! A caveat, I am speaking from an American standpoint so all of my experience comes from this side of the pond.

- You will have so goddamn much free time. SO MUCH. You will hear the term “credits” or “credit hours” referring to classes, this is not only how much the class is “worth” academically speaking for your transcript but also literally how many hours per week it meets. A typical class is 3 credit hours and a typical semester is 5 or 6 classes (you can push it to 7 or 8 if you have to) which adds to a total of 15-18 credit hours PER FUCKING WEEK. I will say that again, a typical semester you will be actually in class for only 18 hours in an entire week. So much free time.

- This means, while you do get significantly more homework, you have significantly more time to do it. Do not let this go to your head. You will lose track of time and you will let a due date sneak up on you. This is preventable. In my experience, if you hang out around people who do their homework and have good study habits, you will also do your homework and have good study habits.

- I am not trying to be a buzz kill, you should also take the opportunity to relax a little, stretch out, and expand your horizons. You will never get another chance like this one. Take advantage of all the opportunities on campus that your student fees pay for. We have free counseling on my campus, the gym is free to students, there are often discount movie nights, the college I went to had a deal with the city buses where students used their ID cards to “pay”, you get a shitload of stuff at a free or discounted price. Use. It.

- Meet with your academic adviser at least once a semester and pay attention to what they are saying. These are the people who help you decide what classes to sign up for, they tell you how many more credits you need for graduation, and they know what classes you are required to take for your major and which ones are prerequisites.

- You will not be spoonfed information and tasks like you were in high school. It is your own responsibility to show up to class on time, to email/meet with your professors about questions you have on assignments, to take notes, to study, to know your schedules, to fucking eat and sleep please don’t forget to do this, your laundry, your cleaning (depending where you live), to be aware of where in your major courses you are, etc. This may seem overwhelming, it’s not. Take a deep breath and remember to look at the school website. There are so many student resources there it’s not even funny. And if you ever have trouble, ask. Ask your adviser and at the very least they can tell you who you should be asking.

- Use. The goddamn. Library. Just…use it. The librarians are itching to help you, and your university library probably has so many online resources that they pay for so you don’t have to. Trust me, I work in one. Do you need a journal article for your paper but it’s behind a paywall? Try the library. Do you need primary sources for your project but you can only find newspapers online? Go to the University Archive in the library. Need to use a computer or printer? The library probably has some. Need a quiet space to study, or a large area for groupwork? THE FUCKING LIBRARY BITCHES.

- Internships internships internships. You know all that free time I said you had? I lied. You can fill that time with internships or student work relevant to your field of study. Student work is preferable because it usually pays, but if you’re not eligible for financial aid some schools won’t allow it. Internships are where you get that experience that job postings “require” for starting positions. The only reason I was able to apply for most of the positions I did straight out of school was because I had 2 years of student work in the archives under my belt. Most things that I looked at required 2-3 years experience at least. It’s a fucking crock but you can get a jump on the system.

- Don’t be afraid to reach out and talk to people. Remember, almost everyone there is starting from scratch. Everyone else is in exactly the same boat and are all trying to make friends. Don’t panic. If you have fandom gear, wear it prominently to attract people who might be interested in the same stuff as you.

- Read. Your. Syllabus. This is essentially the magic key to your semester, handed to you on a silver platter by your professors. Typically it has an outline of topics covered, assigned readings, and papers/projects/tests, and the dates they all happen on. It also should outline the basic classroom rules for that professor, like how they handle attendance, which style school they use, and how they weigh grades. Also things like contact info and office locations. It’s important.

- Textbooks. Get them second hand if at all possible, the bookstore will charge you through the nose. Amazon, the Internet Archive (a huge database of online resources), and any secondhand bookstore in town.

- Google is your friend, but only to a point. It’s like Wikipedia, it’s an excellent resource if you use it correctly. (While I’m on Wikipedia, it is a great starting point for research but do not use it as a scholarly citation. Look at the bottom for the sources the page cites and follow those links.) Google Scholar (scholar.google.com) is a wonderful way to search scholarly articles, and Google Docs is a fantastic resource to do distance group work. Also, and this holds true for every search bar ever, there are certain ways to help narrow your search. Use “quotes” to search for a specific phrase, rather than turning up all the results with the individual words. Use - to discount a word if you don’t want that as part of your search. Case in point, a gentleman came to ask me about a book, “The Old Breed” which is a history of a specific Marine division. When you search it, the number one result is “With The Old Breed” by Eugene Sledge, which is a memoire. If you search “the old breed” -with, the proper book comes up.

- You have a lot of freedom with your schedule, you can decide when your classes will be (mostly). Take advantage of it. Not a morning person? Don’t take morning classes. Want days that are completely free? Only sign up for classes on Tues/Thurs or Mon/Wed/Fri. You have the power. Use it.

- Apply for scholarships. They don’t take much, an application, an essay, and maybe a letter of recommendation. So many people either don’t know about them or don’t want to put in the effort, or don’t think they can get in. Apply anyway. Apply to as many as you can it is money.

That’s all I can think of right now, like I said PLEASE ADD.

#ask and ye shall receive #personal #advice #college #rant

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bentchcreates · 7 years

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Promdi Heart by #romanceclass Goddesses (heehee)

This came in a wonderful time as I had been having bad bouts of homesickness and what better way to travel the Philippines on a budget than to read stories set in them!

While I consider all six authors to be #romanceclass superstars, two of them I’ve had the chance to read only for the first time in this anthology collection. Because the stories are short (I want them all to be longerrrr!), I’ll be reviewing the stories on their own first, and then the whole collection after. Here we go!

1. Only the Beginning – C.P. Santi

I love the use of Visayan words in the narration and dialogue. (probably because this this the only Filipino dialect I can understand aside from the national language! XD)

As with other CPSanti books, the inclusion of architectural details/jargon is wonderfully done, it doesn’t take away from the romance.

Alon is my spirit animal! Especially that part where he tells Andi, “Dai, don’t you think it’s a sign?”

Scooter-riding MC + Dimpled LI = <3

Text/Chat parts (plus THAT joke! XD). I was a bit wary when a chapter started doing this because it’s too “youth-speak” for me (not that I’m that old!), and past experiences with this type of story-telling tended to get too corny and cringe-y for me. This, however, was okay for me, especially when Martin started the knock-knock joke (to which, I imagined Andi rolling her eyes as she replied) and ended with Andi’s own joke! It made both of them more endearing to me.

This quote: “Happiness is a choice. Happiness is something that doesn’t just happen. It’s something that you grab on to with both hands.” I forget this sometimes, and this is probably why I need to read romance often, so I’m reminded that I have a choice.

2. Letters to a Boy – Ines Bautista-Yao

90’s old-school snail mail got me so bad! It inspired me to send mail to friends I still knew addresses of.

This story perfectly reflected how relationships could work despite the constraints of space and time. And I’m talking about both Tin-tin and Annette’s friendship and Tin-tin and Nicolas’ romance. ;)

Horseback riding is <3!

Parents! I will forever love characters that take care of their parents!

Biggest turn-on for me is this story’s depiction of MC’s affection’s unrequited beginnings but when the tide turns, Tin-tin doesn’t foolishly fall head-on to the man he’d been pining for. She makes him work for it, and work for it he does!

Tin-tin and Nicolas’ years-long slow-burn love story set the solid foundation for the HEA towards the end!

P.S. the mention of Carrie, the white girl, inadvertently reminded me of that totally unrelated other girl who burned her entire school gym and killed hundreds of people when she was bathed in pig’s blood. Ehe.

3. Drummer Boy – Chris Mariano

Tall, muscly musicians are my weakness. Argh

The brother’s bestfriend trope is not that unfamiliar to me, but this took me on a wild ride especially at that part where the big brother actually landed a deserving punch to his best friend somewhere along the way.

I love that Reina is a woman of agency, not just in what she wants her guy to be/to do, but in all aspects of her life, as well. She acknowledges how uncomfortable her relationship with Ben might be for her Kuya, but she doesn’t let that get in the way of what her heart is telling her.

I live for the grand gesture in this one!

Chris’ descriptions of all the festivities cemented Ati-Atihan on my list of “Things to Experience Before I turn 40”!

4. One Certain Day – Jay E. Tria

Very relatable and nostalgic for me because our family’s big on All Saints’/All Souls’ Day celebrations. It never turned as romantic as this, though. Sayang. Heehee.

I also relate to finding old classmates recently and noting how everyone looks different, yet not-so-different, at the same time.

I love that bit about naming children ‘as if with a purpose’

‘Kiligs’ everytime Son comes back to Hagonoy, especially that part where he hands Alice an unfinished song! Eeeeee!

I also love that Alice took charge of her destiny at some point. No more waiting for the guy who’s taking forever to make a move, my god.

There is heartbreak somewhere in here, but it’s done in a mature and realistic way, and it doesn’t ruin anything for me. It makes it even more special, tbh.

5. Once Upon A Bully – Georgette S. Gonzales

Homecoming stories are near and dear my heart, especially since I’ve been away from home for too long!

Hunky-dunky LI! <3

The Vigan experience here is special because the characters reminisce the Vigan they grew up in and the Vigan now. It perfectly captured one’s love for home that many of us take for granted.

Bridgette’s “the more you hate…” trope is on point!

Bagnettttttttttt!!!!!

6. Back to the Stars – Agay Llanera

Another homecoming story! YASS!

The scene where Wency’s mother mentions “biskwit” tugged several heartstrings for me. I always feel for remembering the places you grew up in, but I feel MOAR for the people you grew up with!

Wency is sweet AF! His full name is funny to me, but the meaning behind it, and his sisters’ names, makes it extra special.

Leah’s changed attitude after being a City Girl for so long is dealt with realistically. It’s not a bad thing for me, it’s normal. But a sort of redemption in the end made me super happt for her. :)

I ship Leah + Wency so harddd! I mean, Leah Gurl, andami mong choices! Haha!

So there, my review for the individual stories. Hehe. For the whole anthology, my only request is for the authors to expand these stories! I’m very invested in all the characters at this point and I don’t want to part with them just yet! Haha!

Congrats, ladies! And thank you for doing this. My love for the Philippines had been reinforced with these stories and I hope other readers would find our wonderful side of the world as romantic as it is. :)

5 of 5 Stars.

Blurb:

Take a quick tour of the Philippines with six hometown love stories. Visit Jimenez, Misamis Occidental where a priest might just set you up with a man whose dimples are to die for. Visit Silay, Negros Occidental and get on a horse alongside hunky, hazel-eyed Negrense royalty. Visit Kalibo, Aklan and find yourself in the arms of a cute drummer boy who just happens to be your kuya's BFF. Visit Hagonoy, Bulacan and spend All Saint's Day next to a distracting boy who promises to write you a song. Visit Vigan, Ilocos Sur and meet the hot man you used to bully when he was a shy, scrawny boy. Visit Pundaquit, Zambales and find love in a bronzed fisherman whose eyes hold depths you'll want to explore.

Buy Links:

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Promdi-Heart-Hometown-Love-Stories-ebook/dp/B06XY73Q4T/

Print Book Order Form (PH Only): http://bit.ly/promdiheartbook

About the Authors:

C. P. Santi is a Filipina author based in Tokyo, Japan. She is a wife to an engineer / indie songwriter and a full-time mom to two energetic boys. She loves cooking and baking, and enjoys feeding people, gorging on chocolate, watching J-doramas, belting it out in the karaoke box, and running around the house playing tickle tag. She also loves dreaming up stories about the people she meets.

In another life, she is also an architect and academic.

Ines Bautista-Yao is the former editor-in-chief of Candy and K-Zone magazines and a former high school and college English and Literature teacher. She is also a wife and mom and blogs about the many challenges and joys of motherhood at theeverydayprojectblog.com. She also posts story spirals on her author blog: http://theeverydayprojectblog.com/inesbautistayao-author/ You can find her on Instagram and Twitter: @inesbyao, through email: [email protected], her website: inesbautistayao.com, or Facebook: www.facebook.com/inesbautistayao

Cover (Story) Girl is Chris Mariano's first published romance work, but her speculative fiction and poetry have appeared in Fully Booked's Philippine Graphic/Fiction Awards Prose Anthology, Philippine Speculative Fiction Volume 7, TAYO Literary Magazine, and Ideomancer. When she's not writing, she supports Eskritoryo Pilipinas, an organization that encourages kids to appreciate Filipino literature and culture. She divides her time between Manila and Aklan.

Jay E. Tria is inspired by daydreams, celebrity crushes, a childhood fascination of Japanese drama and manga, and an incessant itch to travel. She writes contemporary young adult and new adult romance. Sometimes, paranormal fantasy too. Visit her website www.jayetria.com. Email: [email protected] Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Wattpad: jayetria

Georgette S. Gonzales began writing novels as romance author Edith Joaquin of My Special Valentine Tagalog (Filipino) Romance pocketbooks, published by Bookware Publishing Corp. She started writing in English and self-pubbing works in the middle of 2015. Gette works best at night, is also an editor, a public/media relations consultant, loves to cook pasta dishes and to eat caramel cake.

Agay Llanera is a freelance writer for television and video, and a published writer of children's books based in Manila, Philippines. Get in touch with her through the following: http://agayisagirl.blogspot.com https://www.facebook.com/AgayLlanera https://twitter.com/agayskee

#bookish #bentcreates #bookreview #promdiheart #romanceclass #support local

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happyweddingblogs · 4 years

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150 Funny Marriage Quotes for Newlyweds

If you are looking for some hilarious marriage quotes to add fun element to your wedding, then this post is for you. Here we are sharing 150 funny marriage quotes for you that you can use in your wedding invites, wedding signage, and wedding social media updates.

Source: Happy Wedding App

Let’s get started…….

1. “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” —Henny Youngman

2. “The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” —Cher

3. “Love is one long sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock!” — Zeenat Essa

4. “In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland

5. “Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” — Zig Ziglar TC mark

6. “Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell

7. “The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’” — Anonymous

8. “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” — Socrates

9. “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” — Prince Philip

10. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner

11. “Love is a sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.” — Jewish Proverb

12. “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” — Albert Einstein

13. “There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about.” — Oscar Wilde

14. “All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” — Red Skelton

15. “Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.” — Neil Simon

16. “Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce

17. “Marriage is like a deck of cards. All you need in the beginning is two hearts and a diamond. After 10 years you need a club and spade.” — Carrie

18. “Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” —Isadora Duncan

19. “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” — Michel de Montaigne

20. “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” — Benjamin Franklin

21. “A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” — NOT A BOOK

22. “The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” — Ann Bancroft

23. “Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity.” — Honore de Balzac

24. “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.” — Michel de Montaigne

25. “Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr

26. “To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” — Ogden Nash

27. “I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.” — Steven Wright

28. “Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner

29. “Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree and woman gets her master’s degree.” — Rama Kochhar

30. “When you have a baby, love is automatic, when you get married, love is earned.” —Marie Osmond

31. “Marriage – a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.” — Beverley Nichols

32. “Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.” — G. K. Chesterton

33. “Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” — Stephen Leacock

34. “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” — Erma Bombeck

35. “All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” — Raymond Hull

36. “Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and lawyers.” — Richard Pryor

37. “If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” — Sam Levenson

38. “They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.” — Alexander Pope

39. “Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.” — Eddie Cantor

40. “An ideal wife is any woman who has an ideal husband.” — Booth Tarkington

41. “Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.” — Elbert Hubbard

42. “Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” — Natasha Leggero

43. “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life” — Anonymous

44. “I married beneath me, all women do.” — Nancy Astor

45. “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.” — Albert Einstein

46. “In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.” — Woody Allen

47. “Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” — Jerry Seinfeld

48. “Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.” — Marilyn Monroe

49. “Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.” — John Wilmot

50. “Marriage is a difficult project. When seven years have passed and all your body’s cells have been replaced, you’re meant to experience that seven-year itch.” — Yoko Ono

Also See:

Best 75 Wedding Love Quotes

51. “You can’t buy love on eBay.” — Anonymous

52. “Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.” — H.L. Mencken

53. “Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.” — Mickey Rooney

54. “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” — Rodney Dangerfield

55. “Marry a man your own age; As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” — Phyllis Diller

56. “Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.” — Helen Rowland

57. “Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.” — Billy Connolly

58. “The only mistake for which people are congratulated is marriage.” — Ratna Deep

59. “More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” — Doug Larson

60. “Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” — Albert Einstein

61. “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” — Erma Bombeck

62. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell

63. “You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” — Henny Youngman

64. “The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24/7, 365 from birth until you fall in love.” —Sophie Monroe

65. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” — Charles M. Schulz

66. “Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.” — Evelyn Hendrickson

67. “True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.” — La Rochefoucauld

68. “True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” — Erich Segal

69. “Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass.” — English Proverb

70. “The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” — Rick Reilly

71. “I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” — Jean Illsley Clarke

72. “A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.” — Brendan Francis

73. “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.” — Benjamin Franklin

74. “Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one.” — Fran Lebowitz

75. “Besides chocolate, you’re my favourite.” — Anonymous

76. “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” — Richard Jeni

77. “Marriage is like watching the color of leaves in the fall; ever changing and more stunningly beautiful with each passing day.” — Fawn Weaver 78. “Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns

79. “Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.” — Thomas Dewar

80. “My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked.” — Winston Churchill

81. “I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” —Wendy Liebman

82. “Love is a lot like a backache; It doesn’t show up on X-Rays, But you know it’s there.” — George Burns

83. “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops” — Henny Youngman

84. “They say love is blind…and marriage is an institution. Well, I’m not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.” — Mae West

85. “I love you like a fat kid loves cake.” — Quote from 50 Cents

86. “Men aren’t necessities, they’re luxuries.” — Cher

87. “What’s the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.” — Cindy Garner

88. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” — Groucho Marx

89. “They say true love hides behind every corner, I must be walking in circles.” — Anonymous

90. “Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.” — Joan Rivers

91. “If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.” — Katharine Hepburn

92. “My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food. She goes on tuesdays, I go Fridays.” — Henry Youngman

93. “If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.” — Sigmund Freud

94. “Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.” — Anonymous

95. “For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” — Catherine Zeta-Jones

96. “Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” — H. L. Mencken

97. “Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.” — Anonymous

98. “My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.” — Jack Benny

99. “Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” — Woody Allen

100. “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” — Steve Martin

101. “Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: You have to start over again every morning.” — H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

102. “Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce

103. “Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join.” — Elbert Hubbard

104. “The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.” — Woody Allen

105. “Marriage marks the end of many short follies – being one long stupidity.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

106. “An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” — Agatha Christie

107 “I love you even when I’m really, really hungry” — Anonymous

108. “Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.” — Cathy Carlyle

109. “The four most important words in any marriage…”I’ll do the dishes.” — Anonymous

110. “Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.” —Woody Allen

111. “All marriages are happy. It’s trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.” —Shelley Winters

112. “If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” — Lily Tomlin

113. “Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.” — Ogden Nash

114. “Marriage is like vitamins: We supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” —Anonymous

115. “Love is a grave mental disease.” — Plato

116. “Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else.” — Jean Kerr

117. “A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.” — Zsa Zsa Gabor

118. “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.” — Joan Crawford

119. “Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore.” — Bree Luckey

120. “When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.” — Helen Rowland

121. “It’s been so long since I made love, I can’t even remember who gets tied up.” — Joan Rivers

122. “Love is the seventh sense, which destroys all the other six senses.” — Anonymous

123. “Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.” — Joyce Brothers

124. “A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.” — Anonymous

125. “People should fall in love with their eyes closed.” — Andy Warhol

126. “The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.” — Groucho Marx

127. “In marriage do thou be wise: prefer the person before money virtue before beauty, the mind before the body, then thou hast a wife, a friend, a companion, a second self.” — William Penn

128. “Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener” — Pauline Thomason

129. “Love doesn’t drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator.” — Helen Gurley Brown

130. “Love is like a tornado, picks you up off your feet and sometimes takes half your house.” — Anonymous

131. “Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions.” — Tommy Dewar

132. “I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate – but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.” — Alf Whit

133. “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry Me.” — winston-churchill

134. “If I get married, I want to be very married.” — Audrey Hepburn

135. “It is impossible to love and be wise.” — Francis Bacon

136. “Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” — Joseph Barth

137. “Marriage is a risk; I think it’s a great and glorious risk, as long as you embark on the adventure in the same spirit.” — Cate Blanchett

138. “People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.” — Bob Hope

139. “To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.” — Mark Twain

140. “The highest happiness on earth is marriage.” — William Lyon Phelps

141. “What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.” — Pearl Bailey

142. “One should believe in marriage as in the immortality of the soul.” — Honoré de Balzac

143. “Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.” — Joyce Brothers

144. “Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill & not doing it because you’d miss them!” — Anonymous

145. “A good marriage is that in which each appoints the other the guardian of his solitude, and shows him this confidence, the greatest in his power to bestow.” — Rainer Maria Rilke

146. “Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.” — Anonymous

147. “To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” — Ogden Nash

148. “Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature.” — From Letters to Juliet

149. “Marriage is a workshop….. Where husband works and wife shops.” — Anonymous

150. “Husbands and wives are so irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?” — Janet Periat

AND FINALLY……

So, these are the funniest marriage quotes which you can use in your wedding. These marriage quotes will simply add to the fun part of your wedding. You can even make your wedding speech hilarious with these funny quotes on marriage.

Happy Wedding…..

#Quotes #funny quotes #marriage quotes #funny wedding quotes #funny marriage quotes #Best Quotes #Funniest Quotes #funniest wedding quotes #wedding #quote #wedding quote #marriage funny quote

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preciousmetals0 · 4 years

Text

Hong Kong Fluey; Airlines Clash; Chip Hopes Dashed

Hong Kong Fluey; Airlines Clash; Chip Hopes Dashed:

Hong Kong Fluey

It’s no secret that I like being right, dear readers. But not like this … not like this.

The Wuhan coronavirus has spread to nearly 3,000 confirmed infections and close to 80 deaths. China has now quarantined 16 cities, issued a group-travel ban and a ban on eating wild meat in Wuhan.

Yes, that last point seems rather bizarre to many of us who reside in the States. Why are the Chinese eating wild meat? But just think for a second if the U.S. government issued a ban on eating deer meat in the Midwest to prevent a virus spreading. That hits a bit closer to home, doesn’t it?

But I digress…

Outside of China, there are five confirmed cases of the coronavirus in the U.S., and a handful of cases in countries such as France, Japan and South Korea.

Wall Street is reacting to the rapid spread of the coronavirus as I expected. Heading into the midday, losses were nearly 2% across the board for all of the major market indexes.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged 500 points at its lowest levels of the day. The tech-heavy Nasdaq Composite Index shed some 2.2% at its lowest levels, as traders took profits on China-exposed chip stocks.

All in all, it was a really rough way to start the week.

The Takeaway:

I woke up this morning looking forward to researching the glut of corporate earnings slated to arrive this week. I was even somewhat excited about December’s durable goods orders, consumer confidence figures and housing data. (Yes, I know I have a problem. It’s why I write Great Stuff. Welcome to my therapy sessions.)

The economic data seem pretty moot at this point. The potential economic impact of a global pandemic kind of throws all that data out the window. Any takeaways we could’ve drawn from last month’s housing or durable goods orders is now less than conjecture.

Corporate earnings reports also seem a bit less important than before for many of the same reasons. With the advent of the Wuhan coronavirus, the future is once again more uncertain than it was before. Prior-quarter results will be cheered, but not as much as they would’ve been. Guidance will be heavily scrutinized and any signs of weakness punished harshly.

And, as I’ve said many times before, Wall Street absolutely hates uncertainty.

In all honestly, this is exactly how investors should’ve operated before the coronavirus. It’s no secret that Wall Street is in an easy-money bubble. The recent surge higher since New Year’s was a relief rally brought on by the U.S.-China trade deal.

But it wasn’t just the China trade deal. The Nasdaq had hit 28 record highs since November — the most since February 2000. The S&P 500 Index had gone 71 days without a 1% move. Even in a bull market, that’s quite a run higher.

In short, here’s what I’m saying: The market was itching for a reason to sell, and this deadly virus outbreak was the perfect excuse.

What we see in the market right now is a profit-taking sell-off … tinged with a bit of fear. If the current outbreak runs the same course as others — SARS, MERS, Ebola, et cetera — this sell-off is a buying opportunity. That said, there are too many unknown factors still out there:

How will this impact the Chinese economy?

Will it affect global trade?

Will the new coronavirus spread in Western countries?

The best thing you can do right now is not panic. Hunker down, hold what you can and wait. There’s no way to plague-proof your portfolio other than holding stable, well-run companies.

If this pandemic turns out to be a big nothing-burger, you still own stock in growing businesses. Well done.

If it’s going to heck … then it’s time for a Wall Street fire sale! Panicked investors will dump their shares at the littlest signs of trouble, and that’s our best buying opportunity.

Banyan Hill expert Jeff Yastine is able to tell the stock market’s diamonds from the falling rough. Bullish or bearish, Jeff has a trained eye for spotting rock-solid businesses that are best positioned to grow in any market — pandemic or bust.

If you feel unprepared for a market crash gone viral, Jeff just uncovered one stock that should be added to every portfolio … no matter where the market’s headed.

Click here to learn how to get details on the one stock Jeff recommends you buy today.

The Good: The Au Wu-Flu Rally

If you’ve been picking up what Great Stuff has been putting down, you likely hold a little gold in your portfolio somewhere. The malleable metal is nowhere near as hip as it used to be, but it’s still among the best investments for occasions such as these.

With today’s flu-panic sell-off, gold prices are edging in on six-year closing highs. Well, at least bullion prices are, according to FactSet data.

Last I saw, Gold for February delivery (GC=F) was up $10.70, less than 1% away from its January 7 highs. If you remember, those highs were driven by heightened tensions with Iran, after the U.S. killed a top Iranian general.

For those keeping track, that’s two potential black swan events in less than a month. Man, 2020 is shaping up to be a real doozy, isn’t it?

The bottom line here is that, if you don’t already hold gold in some form in your portfolio, you seriously need to consider it.

The Bad: Group Travel Banned

If you and several of your China-based friends had flight plans this week … I have some bad news for you. Effective this morning, China banned international group travel.

The move is designed to help contain the coronavirus outbreak, but the fallout is hitting the airline industry hard … China is the world’s largest outbound travel market, after all. But not all outbound traffic is banned — just group travel. Forbes has an informative article on the ban here, if you want to read more.

And it’s not just the Chinese government. Ford Motor Co. (NYSE: F) and General Motors Co. (NYSE: GM) both restricted employee travel to Wuhan, China.

Still, just the mention of a travel ban tanked airline stocks today.

The biggest losers are those with international reach, such as American Airlines Group Inc. (Nasdaq: AAL), Delta Air Lines Inc. (NYSE: DAL) and United Airlines Holdings Inc. (Nasdaq: UAL). Overall, the U.S. Global Jets ETF (NYSE: JETS) is down roughly 3% today.

Unfortunately, the airline industry already struggles with the fallout from Boeing Co.’s (NYSE: BA) 737 Max debacle. The addition of a pandemic coronavirus and travel bans will pressure the airline industry even more. This weakness will linger for a while.

The Ugly: Sick Chips

If you thought the airline industry was in a bad way today, you haven’t seen semiconductors. Chip stocks have been red-hot in the wake of the U.S.-China trade deal — mostly because many semiconductor companies have crucial manufacturing and supply chains in China.

Those supply chains are called into question once again with the Wuhan coronavirus. Companies such as Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Co. Ltd. (NYSE: TSM), Xilinx Inc. (Nasdaq: XLNX) and Micron Technology Inc. (Nasdaq: MU) are getting hammered as the outbreak spreads like wildfire across China.

Unlike the airline industry, however, semiconductors will bounce back quickly from this latest setback.

Why? Take your pick: cloud computing growth, Big Data processing, the mobile device upgrade cycle, the 5G revolution, next-gen consoles … there are so many reasons that semiconductor stocks will rebound from today’s losses that it’s not funny.

When Great Stuff talks about holding on to well-run companies in a mega trend market, this is what we’re talking about … the Intel Corp.s (Nasdaq: INTC) and Advanced Micro Devices Inc.s (Nasdaq: AMD) of the market. These are the companies that you’ll want to own while riding out this latest round of volatility.

Even 5% corrections are not fun. … They tell you they’re “buying opportunities” and they are. They don’t tell you that down 5% the news turns bad and then you’re afraid the 5% turns to 10% or 15%.

— Frank Gretz of Wellington Shields.

This quote comes from a Barron’s article that I linked to above. If you followed that link, you’re probably a bit more worried than usual today. It was very doom-and-gloomy.

When we link to articles like this, our goal isn’t to make you panic. It’s to make you aware of the situation. There’s good, actionable information in that article … but the best piece of advice isn’t the fearmongering by Frank Gretz — it’s the takeaway by author Ben Levisohn:

This drop is likely not the big one, even if it may feel that way. … So far, it’s hardly a 5% drop. But brace yourselves, just in case.

Great Stuff: Opportunities in the Crisis

The trade war is over. World War III is averted. Harry and Meghan renounced their royal status. For a brief moment in time, all was right with the world…

And then the coronavirus came along and messed everything up.

Much like the Spanish Inquisition, no one expects these black swan events. That’s why they’re called black swan events.

But that doesn’t mean it’s time to run around panic selling. Nor does it mean that you should try to catch every falling knife you see. (Ouch!)

So, how do you find opportunities when the world appears to have gone mad?

Well … that’s what Great Stuff and the gurus at Banyan Hill are here for!

Today, Ted Bauman and Clint Lee of The Bauman Letter have the inside scoop on two sectors to avoid and three opportunities to take advantage of in this crisis. Click below to watch this week’s edition of Your Money Matters:

[embedded content]

If you’d rather cut straight to the chase and learn how to get access to Ted Bauman’s exclusive market research, click here now!

Until next time, good trading!

Regards,

Joseph Hargett

Great Stuff Managing Editor, Banyan Hill Publishing

0 notes

goldira01 · 4 years

Link

Hong Kong Fluey

It’s no secret that I like being right, dear readers. But not like this … not like this.

The Wuhan coronavirus has spread to nearly 3,000 confirmed infections and close to 80 deaths. China has now quarantined 16 cities, issued a group-travel ban and a ban on eating wild meat in Wuhan.

But I digress…

Outside of China, there are five confirmed cases of the coronavirus in the U.S., and a handful of cases in countries such as France, Japan and South Korea.

Wall Street is reacting to the rapid spread of the coronavirus as I expected. Heading into the midday, losses were nearly 2% across the board for all of the major market indexes.

All in all, it was a really rough way to start the week.

The Takeaway:

And, as I’ve said many times before, Wall Street absolutely hates uncertainty.

In short, here’s what I’m saying: The market was itching for a reason to sell, and this deadly virus outbreak was the perfect excuse.

How will this impact the Chinese economy?

Will it affect global trade?

Will the new coronavirus spread in Western countries?

The best thing you can do right now is not panic. Hunker down, hold what you can and wait. There’s no way to plague-proof your portfolio other than holding stable, well-run companies.

If this pandemic turns out to be a big nothing-burger, you still own stock in growing businesses. Well done.

If it’s going to heck … then it’s time for a Wall Street fire sale! Panicked investors will dump their shares at the littlest signs of trouble, and that’s our best buying opportunity.

If you feel unprepared for a market crash gone viral, Jeff just uncovered one stock that should be added to every portfolio … no matter where the market’s headed.

Click here to learn how to get details on the one stock Jeff recommends you buy today.

The Good: The Au Wu-Flu Rally

With today’s flu-panic sell-off, gold prices are edging in on six-year closing highs. Well, at least bullion prices are, according to FactSet data.

For those keeping track, that’s two potential black swan events in less than a month. Man, 2020 is shaping up to be a real doozy, isn’t it?

The bottom line here is that, if you don’t already hold gold in some form in your portfolio, you seriously need to consider it.

The Bad: Group Travel Banned

If you and several of your China-based friends had flight plans this week … I have some bad news for you. Effective this morning, China banned international group travel.

And it’s not just the Chinese government. Ford Motor Co. (NYSE: F) and General Motors Co. (NYSE: GM) both restricted employee travel to Wuhan, China.

Still, just the mention of a travel ban tanked airline stocks today.

The Ugly: Sick Chips

Unlike the airline industry, however, semiconductors will bounce back quickly from this latest setback.

— Frank Gretz of Wellington Shields.

This quote comes from a Barron’s article that I linked to above. If you followed that link, you’re probably a bit more worried than usual today. It was very doom-and-gloomy.

This drop is likely not the big one, even if it may feel that way. … So far, it’s hardly a 5% drop. But brace yourselves, just in case.

Great Stuff: Opportunities in the Crisis

The trade war is over. World War III is averted. Harry and Meghan renounced their royal status. For a brief moment in time, all was right with the world…

And then the coronavirus came along and messed everything up.

Much like the Spanish Inquisition, no one expects these black swan events. That’s why they’re called black swan events.

But that doesn’t mean it’s time to run around panic selling. Nor does it mean that you should try to catch every falling knife you see. (Ouch!)

So, how do you find opportunities when the world appears to have gone mad?

Well … that’s what Great Stuff and the gurus at Banyan Hill are here for!

[embedded content]

If you’d rather cut straight to the chase and learn how to get access to Ted Bauman’s exclusive market research, click here now!

Until next time, good trading!

Regards,

Joseph Hargett

Great Stuff Managing Editor, Banyan Hill Publishing

#Timor Invest

0 notes

funface2 · 5 years

Text

Friends: 10 Monica Memes That Are Too Hilarious For Words – Screen Rant

Monica Geller is one of the most popular sitcom characters. The Friends resident chef and lover of clean spaces is known for being equal parts funny and strict at any given moment. Whether we can relate to her or not (as in, whether we’re super neat or messy), we can’t help but root for her relationship with Chandler, her foodie career, and her general life success.

RELATED: Outlander: 10 Hilarious Lord John Grey Memes That Are Too Funny

There are tons of memes out there about our favorite TV shows (or any pop culture aspect that we’re obsessed with). Thankfully, Friends has given fans more than enough content and material for some funny memes. Here are 10 Monica memes that are too hilarious for words.

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10 Monica’s Life Motto

This Monica meme is too hilarious for words since it proves that this is basically the character’s life motto. She can’t help but tell people when they’re doing things incorrectly (or, in this case, when they’re not doing it the way that she would).

RELATED: How I Met Your Mother: 10 Hilarious Memes Only True Fans Will Understand

This is a quote from the season 10 episode “The One With Rachel’s Going Away Party” but fans could definitely picture her saying this at any given point throughout the series’ ten year run.

9 Butter Is The Best

This meme is so great for two reasons: it showcases Rachel and Monica’s unique, quirky friendship… and also Monica’s (sometimes overly) confident personality.

These two friends really couldn’t be any more different. While Rachel can freak out about anything at the drop of a hat, Monica is definitely the more highly strung of the two characters. And while Rachel really can’t cook anything, Monica is a trained, professional chef. Instead of giving Rachel some friendly cooking advice beforehand, Monica would rather explain that she had done something wrong. It’s classic Monica. And, finally, this meme is hilarious thanks to the fact that it involves butter. Butter really does make everything better (even pop culture memes).

8 Know-It-All

Is there a bigger know-it-all on a sitcom than Monica? What about a TV drama, or a movie, or even popular culture in general?

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Probably not… which is why this Monica meme is too hilarious for words. This is a solid reminder that a real life friend like Monica would probably get pretty annoying at times. Who wants a know-it-all for a good friend?! But we love to watch her on TV because her neurotic tendencies are so humorous, and Courteney Cox plays her so well.

7 Our Favorite Couple

Fans of Friends are used to how totally different Monica and Chandler (aka one of everyone’s favorite sitcom couples) are. While Chandler is goofy and silly and can’t stop making jokes, Monica worries a lot more… about everything.

In a hilarious meme, they’re both smiling in totally opposite ways, which brings to light their wildly different personalities. Chances are, we can relate to this if we have our own friends telling us that we always look super serious in photos. What can we say? There are some people who can smile naturally and look great when being photographed… and then there’s the rest of us.

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6 Wedding Bells

Anyone who is engaged or married knows the anticipation and thrill of knowing that your wedding day is fast approaching. You’ve done so much planning and yet there are still so many details to figure out.

That’s no big deal for someone like Monica, of course, who thrives on tiny details and perfection. Fans were excited to watch Monica and Chandler finally get married, and in a meme that is too hilarious for words, Monica shows how she just can’t wait until they’re officially husband and wife.

5 Sleep Cleaning

Has anyone heard of sleep cleaning? You know, tidying your room/apartment/house while you’re getting your beauty sleep?

No? Well, it’s definitely something that Monica would love to do, which makes this a totally hilarious meme. Many people shudder at the thought of cleaning since it’s so dull, but the joy that Monica finds in this domestic activity is honestly a little bit inspiring.

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4 Fighting Friends

It’s always rough to fight with friends in real life, and it’s even worse to watch our favorite Friends argue or not get along. This Monica meme is too hilarious for words and features one such Monica/Rachel argument.

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It’s always painful to hear what someone really thinks of us… and that’s exactly what these two characters do in this scene. Thankfully, everyone knows that they’ll patch things up quickly (but oh, how we loved watching the scene).

3 Telling Time

Of all the sibling relationships on TV, Monica and Ross have a really great one. Like most brothers and sisters, they act like they can’t stand each other most of the time but it’s clear that they do care about one another.

Of course, it’s funnier when they’re not getting along. This hilarious meme is a perfcet example of a time when Ross was just itching to make fun of his perfect sister Monica. And now we’re feeling even more nostalgic for Friends…

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2 The Truth

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Of course, we always see our own pals in these characters, especially when it comes to Friends. This meme is too hilarious for words and proves that we all know a Monica in our lives. She’s all about cleaning, cooking, and getting worked up about things… and we love her so much.

1 Neat Freak

Finally, we have the best Monica meme of all: one that talks about what a neat freak she is.

When it comes to a sitcom character who is weirdly wild about cleaning the house and can spot clutter or dirt from two miles away, she’s only tied with Danny Tanner from Full House. We really do believe that if she learned that someone’s apartment was super messy, she would have terrible insomnia and would have to rush over and clean it. And, honestly, she would never be happier… and we would never laugh harder.

NEXT: 10 Quotes From Cheers That Are Still Hilarious Today

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Bài viết Friends: 10 Monica Memes That Are Too Hilarious For Words – Screen Rant đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

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