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feelbokkie · 7 months

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Love Risk | Epilogue

**Feelbokkie's 2,000 Follower event post**

pairing: Hyunjin x fem reader; Changbin x fem reader

genre: smau, dating because of a bet, crack, angst, fluff, university au

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: swearing, mention of sex, mention of drinking, lots of talk about military service

summary: Hyunjin and Changbin make a bet to see who can make the reader fall in love with them first. Will one of them be able to succeed or will it all crash and burn before they do?

word count: 2,897

screenshot count: 5

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You walk into the practice room and set down your bag on the side counter. You walk over to the light switch, lightly stretching. You, Ae-Cha, and Min-Jun are meant to perform at the MAMAs in a few days and the choreography is the entire 8 years since you and Cerberus debuted. Not only is it the most physically demanding choreography that you have come up with, but it is also going to be the last time the three of you are going to be able to perform together for 2 years.

Being the only male in your group and recently turned 28, Min-Jun has to report to do his mandatory military service this year. It's hard for all three of you. You were a bit more together about it than Ae-Cha is. You went to Chan after Changbin left to do his service requirement earlier this year when you remembered that Changbin and Min-Jun were both born in the same year. Chan has already gone through this before with Lee Know after he left last year. You needed to know from a leader's perspective what to expect.

Since debuting, the three of you have only gotten closer. Ever since the three of you started living together, all of your time was spent together. When you weren't busy rehabilitating your knee or in your respective classes, you, Ae-Cha, and Min-Jun were working hard on new music and choreography. More often than not, you all fell asleep in the same room while working. After graduating from JYPU, your codependency only grew stronger as all of your free time was spent at the JYPE building getting ready for your first post-graduate comeback where you'd be able to devote all your time promoting your group and album. You're not sure after 8 years, how you and Ae-Cha are going to manage. Working on music alone was hard enough. You and Ae-Cha started working on your solo albums so you would have something to do once Min-Jun is gone.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" You groan when you turn the lights on in the practice room. Min-Jun and Ae-Cha sit on the floor in the middle of the room. Clothes disheveled, someone's lipstick smeared across both of their faces, both of them breathing heavily.

"Fuck," Ae-Cha groans.

"Damn it," Min-Jun whispers under his breath.

"One rule," You close the practice room door and walk back to the sound bar, "We have one fucking rule. And that is you two separate business and pleasure. The JYPE building is a no-no zone."

"Yeah, we know. And we came here to practice but one thing led to the other and--" Min-Jun tries to explain.

"I really do not need to hear the details of your sex life."

"Sorry, Y/n," Ae-Cha says, standing up and readjusting her clothes.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm just stressed. In less than a week we're heading to Tokyo for the MAMAs and we're still nowhere near perfect on this performance. This is the last performance Cerberus is going to have for a while and I want it to go well." You whine, leaning against the wall.

"It's fine. We shouldn't have been messing around in here. Here, Cha Cha and I will stay and practice with you until we're 100%. Even if it kills us." Min-Jin quickly stands up.

"Speak for your fucking self, Junnie," Ae-Cha says annoyed and disgusted, like she wasn't just making out with Min-Jun 2 minutes ago.

Ae-Cha and Min-Jun are dating. They started 3 years ago after they had spent quite a bit of time alone together while Min-Jun was trying to teach Ae-Cha how to work on her own music. They kept it a secret at first, not wanting to make things awkward with you. But when you came home one day and found them in a rather compromising position, everything came to light. You weren't mad, you were happy for them. You've watched for years as they secretly pined for each other and pretended they didn't like each other. You were just glad for that to be over. You did have to set up ground rules about their relationship staying away from work. Not that the scandal would be too big, but you didn't want it interfering with the group.

“Why are you acting like you weren’t two seconds away from jumping my bones earlier l?” He teases, brushing his long black hair out of his face. He started growing his hair out at the end of last year when he realized he would have to buzz it all off when he started. Even bleached it for a while to match Ae-Cha. He only recently dyed it back to his original color to get ready for when he has to leave next week.

"If you two are going to start bickering again, I can practice alone like I was planning to originally." You mutter as you pull the camera out of your bag. You're supposed to be vlogging everything for your part of the Cerberus YouTube channel. All of you are. You're making a mini-documentary about your last performance before Min-Jun has to leave. It was your manager's idea but you didn't oppose the idea. It'll be something you can look at when you want to remember this time in your career.

"Sorry, Y/n. I did my endurance training this morning. I was able to get through the entire performance while running on the treadmill and keeping my voice stable." Ae-Cha beams. With how physically strenuous the choreography is and the fact that you have to sing live with no backing track, the three of you have been doing endurance training by running on a treadmill for the entire duration of your song while singing. It's insane, but it's helping significantly.

"I'd like to think that I've played some part in that," Min-Jun smirks.

"You really are a pervert," You say before smacking him and turning on the camera. Min-Jun hides himself out of the shot and flips you off. You roll your eyes and hand him one of the mics that you use for practice. You go in your bag and get a set of mic headsets and hand one to Ae-Cha.

"I'll order us dinner since you guys are voluntarily here right now. Maybe even breakfast too depending on how long we're stuck here." You say as you grab the remote for the speaker and walk over to your first position.

"I hope we're not here that long, but with Junnie, we might be."

"Literally, what did I do to you?"

"Be born," Ae-Cha smirks, playing into their bickering siblings' act for the camera.

"That was more for you but okay,"

"Guys, let's focus." You say before pressing play on the remote.

***

If there is one thing you hate about your job, it's award shows. More specifically, you hated being nominated for awards. If anything, you wanted to just do your little performances without all the extra bells and whistles that came with the job. You didn't like the socializing aspect of it all. You had to network with other people in your industry. some were pleasant to talk to. Others were just full of themselves and wanted to intimidate you. You hated being nominated for awards because cameras were on you more often than not to try to get you in a compromising reaction. You also hated if you won awards. You can't prepare a speech because it looks like you were cocky enough to know you would win but you couldn't not prepare something because it would look unprofessional. It is hell.

All eyes are on Cerberus this year. Your group has been nominated for 4 awards: Yogibo worldwide icon of the year, Yogibo artist of the year, Yogibo album of the year, and Yogibo song of the year. Because of Min-Jun's impending departure for his military service, the three of you have been working harder than you ever have in your career. Even Min-Jun was nominated for best male artist after releasing his first solo album earlier this year as one of his bucket list goals. Luckily, you split up the duties. You'd speak if you won worldwide icon and artist of the year, Min-Jun would speak for album of the year, and Ae-Cha would speak for song of the year.

Luckily for you, your were sat at the same table with Stray Kids for the award show. You sat next to Felix, not caring if it would spark dating rumors yet again because he makes award shows fun. Sitting with Stray Kids at award shows in general is fun. But, with Lee Know and Changbin away doing their military service, they've been relatively calm and Chan a little bit less stressed.

"Are you going to Jackson seonbaenim's after-party tonight?" Felix asks, leaning over to whisper in your ear.

"Hm... maybe, we're supposed to be leaving first thing in the morning." You explain. You kick Ae-Cha's chair after catching her and Min-Jun holding hands under the table. They quickly separate, forgetting how many cameras are around.

"Why are you guys leaving early?" Jeongin asks, leaning over Seungmin to hear better.

"We have some things to take care of back home." You softly smile. Min-Jun wanted to keep his enlistment a secret until tonight when you'd all announce it during your performance. Even now, he's wearing a wig to hide his freshly buzzed hair until the big reveal. It's only a 3-hour flight from Tokyo to Seoul, but Min-Jun wants to spend his last official day with his family so the three of you would be flying back before any of the other artists so he could go home and you and Ae-Cha can send him off properly afterward.

"When you guys win, you'll be the honored guests. Nobody will care that we're winning this year's platinum award." Hyunjin adds not looking at you.

"If we win. We're up against so many other artists who have been in the industry longer than us. It'll be a miracle if we win." You mutter, leaning back in your chair.

"That's what Chan hyung said last year and look what happened." Seungmin laughs.

"Y/n said we shouldn't get our hopes up so if we don't win we don't have meme-worthy reactions," Ae-Cha adds.

"She's right. Your leader is smart, listen to her." Chan smiles.

"You say that like we don't listen to you." Jisung whines, playfully hitting Chan's arm.

"Do you listen to me? Like ever?" He turns to the younger boy.

"That's because you're an old man who is cramping our style. You're half 60 already, you can't hang with us." Seungmin chimes in, earning an annoyed look from Chan. This prompts Jisung, Jeongin, and Felix to dogpile old person comments towards Chan. Hyunjin, on the other hand, remains quiet, watching the Ateez performance going on.

Whenever you're around, in a group setting, Hyunjin shuts down. He gets quiet, only speaking when needed and hardly looks in your direction. Until he hears you laugh or something, then he's zeroing in on you, staring in a way that makes you self-conscious. There was a long while after you graduated, when Hyunjin would avoid you. You had to confront him about it. You two belonged to the same company, he couldn't just avoid all situations where you two might run into each other forever just because he was punishing himself for hurting you all those years ago.

Truth be told, you've never forgiven Hyunjin. You hate him, and you told him as much to his face when you confronted him about avoiding you. You hate him more than you hate Changbin. You hated him more for the simple fact that you loved him and you could never get over the fact that he played with your emotions for a measly $2,000. If you're being honest, Hyunjin broke your heart. Damaged it in a way you don't think can ever be repaired. It made you jealous of Ae-Cha and Min-Jun. How they were able to be in love with each other without their emotional baggage getting in the way. How they could love each other without fear that the other was using them for their own selfish gains.

You've tried dating after the disaster that was your situationships with Changbin and Hyunjin. You really did. But the second anything got real, you panicked and broke it all off. If anything, this experience is great for all the music that you're working on for your solo album.

"Y/n, they're about to announce artist of the year," Min-Jun whispers, taping your shoulder right before the cameras appear in your face. You plaster on a fake smile as the presenter goes through the nominees.

***

"I thought you hate me?" Hyunjin asks as he pulls his pants back on.

You fucked up. You're not sure if it's the alcohol coursing through your veins, this high from winning all of the awards, the depression from the realization that Min-Jun is leaving for 2 years in 72 hours, or a combination of the three, but you genuinely fucked up. In a moment of pure vulnerability, you ended up venting to Hyunjin during Jackson's after-party. All your friends disappeared almost immediately. Min-Jun and Ae-Cha probably snuck off to do a more respectable version of whatever the fuck just happened with Hyunjin. Chan went and followed Jeongin, who he didn't trust after the energy drink livestream incident. The rest of the Stray Kids' 00's line disappears to cause mischief like they usually do at parties before they get bored and hug the walls until the rest of the group is ready to leave.

"I do hate you, but I hate myself more apparently." You mutter, turning around to fix your makeup, most of which is staining Hyunjin's face.

You were fine. You didn't necessarily like parties, but they were tolerable networking events. But after tonight, everyone wanted to congratulate you on your wins or comment on your performance. A few people even went ahead and reassured you that you wouldn't become irrelevant while Min-Jun's gone. Where that energy came from? You have no idea. Some people in the industry are just vile. You had at least 5 different people come up to you and tell you that you only won album and song of the year because of Min-Jun. People even told you that you only won the other two awards because of your parents' influence, which doesn't make sense. You've never partnered with them and they've never once advertised that you are their child.

"That's exactly what I want to hear after we just finished fucking in the bathroom at a party." He mutters under his breath. You're not even sure how the two of you got to this point. One second you were talking to Hyunjin outside as you watched Jackson drunkenly do a backflip off the roof of the house he rented for the party into a pool, the next second you're in the bathroom getting railed by him. Truly a confusing timeline of events.

"Get over yourself Hyun," You groan readjusting your dress, "we both know this is a one-time thing."

"It doesn't have to be," He spins you around and closes the gap between you two, pressing his forehead against yours. Your heart starts beating quickly in your chest, you can feel it in your throat as you try to swallow.

"This isn't a good idea..." You whisper, barely audible over the bass of the music coming from outside the bathroom.

"I've never had a single good idea when it comes to you, you know that better than anyone else." He whispers, slowly closing the gap between your lips.

"Hyunjin..."

"Shh, let me talk while the alcohol is giving me the courage to do so. Then you can tell me to fuck off all you want and I will."

"I still don't forgive you,"

"That's fine. I still don't forgive myself. I hurt you, and I never wanted to. But it's been 8 years and I've changed. Let me show you how much I changed." His hand slips down under your dress, resting on your hip bone, thumbing the waistband of your underwear.

"People don't change. Hell, being here with you right now is proof of that. Things are going to shit and I'm self-destructing by sleeping with you." You laugh.

"Sometimes shit needs to blow up to make way for something beautiful."

"If your drunk ass can give me one good example of something beautiful coming from something blowing up, then I'll give you a point for that."

"The big bang. And I'm not talking about what we just did." He laughs, you can feel his breath on your lips.

"You were talking so sweet and actually winning me over but you just lost me with your fuck boy comment. See, people don't change."

"I promise you that I've changed."

"I'm not willing to risk my career or my sanity to find that out, Hyunjin."

"Love is all risk. If you don't take that risk, then you'll never know what you're missing out on."

"I'm not missing out if I don't risk anything in the first place."

"Y/n..."

"Let's have this conversation when we're both sober and not in a bathroom."

"It's a date," He smirks.

"It is not a date,"

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

Tag list:

Red means that it wouldn't let me tag you

@marcillfll @jiisungllvr @fvilixx @everglowdaisies @jeonginssa @lukeys-giggle @hyunightt @kpopsstuffs @thisisnotjacinta @jaydebow @dandycharmer @143hyunes @tenmii @soulboundauthor @tattywood @kangyounghyunhands @end0rchans @mloyer @jihanlovic @tfshouldidohere

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thehighpriestexx420 · 8 months

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PAC:

Your Month of September: Finances, Love, & More

Pick a number/picture that you feel called to. This will be your reading. This is a general collective reading so all details may not resonate for each individual. Take what resonates and leave the rest.

If you'd like a more detailed and accurate personal reading my services are below:

Reviews:

Note : Pics of cards are from the general overview portion. The interpretation for finances and love is included - Tumblr just has a 10 page limit so I can't include all pics of all the cards.

Pile One:

Finances: There's a decision regarding a passionate and exciting idea you have regarding your finances/career that's being perceived as risky. Even naive to pursue. You have the strength and courage to pursue what you feel called to regardless of others' opinions and the anxieties you have.

Have balance regarding this decision. There's an emphasis on having balance in general in this reading. Don't rush in and be thoughtless. Don't lose your passion and hold yourself back unnecessarily either. Rein in your emotions to channel them positively and use them to your advantage.

Stand tall and firm in your decision. You have the right to be confident as master of your own reality.

Love life: While you shouldn't solely rely on others, you shouldn't isolate yourself and turn them away. You're able to obtain the fulfillment and abundance you're looking for in your love/social life. You have to live in the present.

Don't spend your time in stagnation just waiting for one person. Surround yourself with friends/other connections - there are people who will support you. Your ex will come back - you just have to let them go and take control of your life in the present. There will be a strong, stable, compatible, joyful, and loving union worthy of being a lifelong partnership.

Bring a healthy and harmonious connection with yourself and you'll create the same with others. When you acknowledge that we all have differing levels of awareness & that we're all doing the best we can with what we have, trust your intuition, and call upon your inner strength - discerning the decisions you have to make will be second nature. Your intuition and clairsenses are particularly active.

Look at others with compassion - we were all children once and still carry that child inside us. Some of us are unaware of what we need to heal because that child didn't have the tools to do so and suppressed it.

Pile Two:

Finances: You're bringing in significantly more financial abundance this month and you'll be moving on to a better time. With clarity and self empowerment, you'll know how to walk away from those toxic situations that don't serve you. In your love life, there's a mention there will be an offer from someone that will further your reach in the material world.

Love life: Despite this guarded and pessimistic part of you suggesting otherwise, the relationship you have in mind is indeed a gift that will further your reach in the material world. Perhaps one of the reasons you'll be receiving more financial abundance this month is because you'll be sharing your finances with this person.

They'll be responsible, kind, and supportive. Your relationship will be nurturing, loving, warm, and sensual. You may work on creative projects together. It's likely they'll be intelligent and have dark skin/hair.

These changes are coming faster than you realize - you just have to heal, open yourself up to these changes, and know you deserve it. Surrender to the unknown and trust the universe.

Hand over your loneliness, worries, hurt, fear, burdens, and doubt to the universe. Remember the necessity of contrast (light and dark) in order to grow.

Be yourself, follow your passions and what lights you up with joy, and don't dim your light for others. Your soul has planned this moment and time. You've been gathering gifts and skills throughout lifetimes and you're a part of the universe - you're more than capable of handling this.

A significant cycle is ending and beginning.

Pile Three:

Do something different - change your POV. Do the unexpected - a creative solution is right in front of you. Open your mind.

Finances: This month, your finances could go either way. It's up to you to change. The only reason you're feeling stuck is because of your mental turmoil - your anxieties and negative thoughts. Rise above your illusions.

When you light the fire of your passions under you and nurture yourself, you'll find that your ideas/projects will be fertile and bring in abundance. Don't let the repetitive mundane wear you down. Go after what you want with determination and liveliness.

Love life: In order to free yourself, you have to love yourself. Live your life, don't let the negative experiences you've had make you guarded and closed off to love. You deserve self love and love from others.

You're waiting for a soulmate to come in. Take this time to rest. Let go of your worries. There will be a love offer - accept it as if you've never been hurt before and this will start a loving & prosperous new beginning. Trust in the universe and you'll be moving on to better times.

You have the answer inside of you. It's deep within your heart and when you feel it, you just know it to be true. Allow yourself to trust that your goals are coming to fruition because they are. It's just up to you to walk through the door that calls to you and to not let any discouragement stop you from doing otherwise.

Pile 4:

Finances: You have a decision to make regarding your finances. The confusion you have is only coming from your lack of belief in yourself and your worries. You have the means and tools to get what you want out of life. Allow the part of you that knows this be the more dominant. Allow your confidence, strength, courage, and self-empowerment shine.

Love life: You and your ex, who you have true love with, are going to reconcile this month. You've been lied to/they hid something from you but you're both growing and moving on to better times. Allow your emotions to flow, don't hold back.

This relationship is making a powerful and big transformation. Everything about it will be healing and brought to harmony and balance. It will be nurturing, warm, and sensual.

Say yes to change and new beginnings in general. You seem to be more reserved so the cards are encouraging you to be more adventurous and to get yourself out there. If you want something, go for it.

You may not get it right away and that's ok. Don't let that discourage you too much. Everything has a place and time. Trust in that and your inner knowing. You'll be brought abundance in the creative projects/ideas you pursue. There's an emphasis on moving on to better times, there will be a major ending and beginning for you - a part of it is your lifestyle and not letting your anxieties hold you back.

#psychicsoftumblr #free tarot reading #psychicreading #tarot #tarot readings #divination #tarotblr #pick a picture #pick a card #pick a pile #free love reading #love pac #money reading #pac #september reading #oracle

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astroaid · 3 months

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Aries Rising 2024 Predicts

Accuracy dependent on ENTIRE chart. General read, not a personal read.

feb 9 - new moon aqua

[More likely to be noticed if you have placements in aqua. The planet in aqua & its degree + aspect will tell you more about it influences]

This is your 11th house. This is a good time to make and begin plans for long term goals. Especially ones dealing with humanitarian work/causes. This is your friendship/social circle house as well. You may be beginning new friendships or new projects with friends. This is a particularly good time to be hang out with friends.

Pluto is here as well. It will temporarily return to Capricorn Sept-Nov 2024. But after Nov 19, 2024 it is here in aqua for the next 20 years. Pluto is bringing destruction and rebirth to your 11th house. Friendships that encourage toxic behaviours will slowly show themselves in ways you can’t ignore. Some aries rising, may also completely change their long term plans.

When the new moon occurs mercury is in your 11th too. This emphasizes the communication in your friendships. You can be sharing new ideas, interests or gossip. This is generally a fun month to plan things with friends.

Mars (feb 13) and venus (feb 16) will join mercury and pluto in aqua this month. Mars can bring ending to friendships or arguments. However, with venus there can be passion. Some of you who have wanted a friendship to be more may have the courage to take action and communicate your feelings. For others, this would be a good galentines (valentines hang w friend group) energy.

Feb 24 - Full Moon Virgo

[More likely to be felt if you have placements in virgo. The planet in virgo & its degree + aspect will tell you more about it influences]

Full and new moons aren’t always note worthy events in our lives. If you do remember starting something under the virgo new moon (sept 2023) it is coming full circle now. It is likely related to pets, acts of service, health/routine/daily life including coworkers.

Mar 10 - New Moon Pisces

[More likely to be felt if you have placements in pisces. The planet in pisces & its degree + aspect will tell you more about it influences]

This is your 12th house which can be tricky. This deals with topics like retreating, escapism, the unconscious, what is hidden. You may recognize harmful behaviours or patterns in your life. You may have off dreams.

Mar 25 - Lunar Eclipse in Libra

[More likely to be felt if you have placements in libra. The planet in libra & its degree + aspect will tell you more about it influences]

This is your 7th bringing closure to a relationship (platonic, romantic, business). Doesn’t always mean cutting people off, it can be an end to an old way of how the relationship worked. ex: due to distance or lack of interest, you no longer do certain things anymore.

The south node has been here since July 17 2023 (and will stay here until Jan 28, 2025). Indicating, you could be feeling drained by your current relationships. You may experience events that encourage you to prioritize yourself. Give up co dependent, toxic connections to gain independent and a better sense of self.

April 1-25 Mercury retrograde Aries

[More likely to be felt if you have extra placements in aries. The planet in aries & its degree + aspect will tell you more about it influences]

This is your first house of body and self. Bad time to change your look because you are likely to be misunderstood at this time. There can be delays and others inconveniences.

But don’t let retrogrades stress you out. Think of it as mercury double checking everything is in order. If things are going fine, there may be nothing note worthy. But if things are chaotic and need order, those areas will expose themselves now. So make sure you’ve been taking care of yourself - physically, mentally and financially.

Retrogrades are usually the time people reach out to people from the past. You or someone else may reach out for reconciliation or one last conversation for closure. However, not every personality type needs or wants to dwell on the past.

April 8 - Solar Eclipse Aries

This is a good time to begin something regarding your body or/and your identity. This can be a new start in how you approach the world. As I said earlier, with pluto in 11th and the lunar eclipse in 7th, you are being asked to not let other’s define who you are and what you want. Go for what you truly desire.

When this occurs, mercury will be in retro in aries and chiron, venus + north node will be in aries. This is a complicated mix, so while you may want to start new things, be carious of being impulsive. Maybe don’t share exactly what you have decided to change because others are not likely to understand. There may be conversations that can help being healing and/or closure.

April 20 - Jupiter & Uranus conjunct in Taurus

[More likely to be felt if you have placements in taurus. The planet in taurus & its degree + aspect will tell you more about it influences]

Uranus is bringing a sudden and unexpected energy to your 2nd house of resources. This can be scary because no one wants to make emergency purchases or feel their income is unstable. However, with jupiter something likely positive will occur around this time. You may find a new job or be promoted or be given an asset. There may be unexpected cash coming your way. Nothing life changing but a few extra bucks never hurt anyone.

April 23 - Full Moon Scorpio

[More likely to be felt if you have placements in scorpio. The planet in scorpio & its degree + aspect will tell you more about it influences]

This is your 8th bringing a full circle moment to your 8th house of other’s resources. You may be starting a new transformative process (for some this can be grief due to the death of a loved one but do not worry because this is RARELY ever that).

#aries rising #aries ascendant #libra 7th house #astrology observations #astrology #solar return observations

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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 2 years

Note

Thought I’d let you know that the op of the abortion post (pronoun-fucker) is a terf. When I looked at the recommended post it was suggesting a bunch of terf shit and when I check their blog yeah they’re a terf. You don’t have to answer this just thought I’d let you know cuz I reblogged the post without even realising.

Oh, gross. Alright then, let's see...

Cool, okay, so the post was literally just the text of the linked newspaper article, so allow me to recreate it here:

Like many people in Britain, you probably watched with horror the US supreme court’s reversal of Roe v Wade, thinking, “Thank goodness women could never be prosecuted for having an abortion here.” But let me tell you, it already happens here.

Two women are currently awaiting criminal trial in England for abortion-related offences, both facing charges that carry a maximum sentence of life. At least 17 women have been investigated by police over the past eight years for having had abortions.

In Oxford, a 25-year-old mother of one is facing trial for allegedly taking the drug misoprostol – one of the two pills routinely prescribed by doctors to abort a pregnancy. But her baby was born alive and she was subsequently reported to the police. She is being charged under the Offences Against the Person Act, a law passed by parliament in 1861, before the invention of the lightbulb and before women had the right to vote. The law states that a woman must be “kept in penal servitude for life” if she procures an abortion.

Another woman is facing trial after she took abortion pills she obtained from the British Pregnancy Advisory Service (BPAS) by post when rules were relaxed during the pandemic to allow this. She was allegedly 28 weeks pregnant at the time and is facing charges of “child destruction” (note the visceral language) under the Infant Life (Preservation) Act from 1929, which also comes with a maximum life sentence. She could spend the rest of her life in prison.

We so often think that the 1967 Abortion Act legalised abortion. But it did no such thing. It partially decriminalised abortion in England, Scotland and Wales, so long as strict conditions were in place, such as a confirmation from two medical practitioners that the pregnancy had not exceeded 28 weeks (subsequently reduced to 24 weeks in 1990), or that the termination was necessary to prevent injury or mental harm. Any abortion outside these criteria is still a criminal offence.

We know that it is overwhelmingly vulnerable women who are investigated and prosecuted for having abortions. One woman collapsed in the dock when she was sentenced to two and a half years in 2015 for taking tablets she had bought online to induce a miscarriage after the 24-week period of gestation. The court heard that she had “a history of emotional and psychological problems”.

Another woman, a mother of one, ordered pills online to induce an abortion in 2019 after her abusive boyfriend had told her not to go to the doctor. She had believed she was eight to 10 weeks pregnant but after a traumatic miscarriage in her bath tub, where she has described sitting in an inch of blood, she realised her pregnancy had been much further along. She was arrested in her hospital bed and served two years in prison.

These are just some examples of women who have faced trial: there are multiple other women who face gruelling police investigations. In 2021, a 15-year-old girl was investigated for a year after suffering an unexplained stillbirth. Her phone and laptop were confiscated during her GCSE exams, she was self-harming, and the investigation only ended after a coroner concluded that the pregnancy ended due to natural causes. Another woman was arrested in hospital last year and kept in a prison cell for 36 hours after a stillbirth at 24 weeks, and is now suffering PTSD. My question is this: if a woman has had an abortion late in the gestation period, or a traumatic miscarriage or stillbirth, should she go to prison or should she be offered support from medical practitioners at what is clearly a horrendous time, both mentally and physically?

Women in 2022 are being shackled by a 160-year-old law made at a time when we were not even allowed to set foot in the House of Commons. Urgent reform is needed to protect more women from harm, which is why organisations such as BPAS and the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists (RCOG) are calling on the director of public prosecutions for England and Wales, Max Hill QC, to drop all charges against these women. The RCOG this month has gone further, calling on ministers to finally legalise abortion. There is absolutely no public interest in sending vulnerable women to prison for terminating pregnancies. Instead, these prosecutions will only serve to put off women seeking help from doctors because they might get arrested, pushing more women into unsafe and underground options.

Meanwhile, according to the criteria of the Abortion Act, a woman has to show that she would suffer grave permanent injury to her mental health if she did not have an abortion after 24 weeks. Why should women still have to pathologise themselves as mad, hysterical, unfit or suffering to legally access healthcare?

The state currently has a triple lock on women’s bodies. By not legalising abortion it has the right to force pregnancy, birth and motherhood upon us. Look to the rules on organ donation: it is illegal to donate people’s organs after they die (however desperately they are needed by people on waiting lists) without their permission. The law at present, which denies women the right to abort a pregnancy on their own terms, is to give us less autonomy than a corpse.

Link | Archived Link

And, just to be clear, while is a situation that is 100% rooted in punishing women for having sex and also primarily affects women, women are NOT the only people affected by it. Trans men and enbies also can get hit by these laws, and we shouldn't forget them.

#abortion #also fuck transphobes with a cactus‚ just so we're clear #feminism

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oftenwantedafton · 3 months

Text

Vent - Steve Raglan/William Afton/Springtrap x Female Reader

Chapters 28-30

Rating - Explicit

Warnings - sexual content

Also available on AO3 Chapter 28 | 29 | 30

Chapter 28 ~ petrichor ~

You’re standing in the field near Freddy’s.

The flowers are the wrong color; fading and dying around you. It’s late summer or early autumn. A definite overlap, trapped and stagnating somewhere in between. The soil beneath your feet bears the fragrance of petrichor.

You can’t remember how you got here.

The posts that mark the border of the property have all fallen, finally succumbing to the rage of the elements, to the passage of time. Surrendering, like you have to every one of William Afton’s whims and wishes, the penultimate object of his deepest desire made breath and skin.

This wasn’t how it was. Not quite as you remember. Can you remember?

The parking lot is full of deep grooves, as if some giant beast has raked its nails across the blacktop. You stumble and nearly go down. The destruction is so much worse this time. This time? Are you in the future or present or past?

The front doors of the pizzeria are propped wide open. Inside, it is dark. The emergency lighting from the backup generator casts a dull red glow on the flooring, illuminating a grim path for you to follow.

You feel as if you are being watched as you enter the restaurant. You hear the soft click of the employee door closing. Someone else is here.

You hurry after, working from memory. You know the layout of the place intimately now. You just catch sight of someone—something? tall rounding the corner ahead, heading towards the service room, now illuminated by a lamp on the desk, the power restored.

William turns to face you.

There’s something different in his features. Hair no longer threaded with gray. Clean shaven. No glasses. The image flickers as if it’s a projection and the yellow rabbit faces you. Folds his arms across his chest. Back to William. The same pose. The two overlayed over each other. Tap, tap, tap of one index finger over the creased arm. Fingers forever restless. Talking with them. You’ve seen William and the yellow rabbit both do this gesture before. You don’t know whom it belongs to; who is the borrower and who is the creator.

A young girl overlaid on your own self. She’s you, nine years ago. You both hear the drag of the knife along the desk. She runs. You do not.

William and the yellow rabbit step forward. The image shimmers unsteadily, as if each of them is struggling for dominance. They reach you and stop, resting a hand and steel against your arm.

“It’s okay,” one of them reassures you. “You won’t remember this.” The knife sinks into your stomach.

You gasp and the intake of air sucks you into a different vision. You’re still in the service room but it’s been restored again, like it is in the present, bright and clean and new. You hear something dragging through the vents.

You hesitate, staring into the narrow confines slotted between the steel shelves before you climb inside.

It’s stifling in the passage. The metal bows and warps under your weight combined with whatever is just ahead of you. The rabbit. It must be. It’s difficult going. There’s so much of the ductwork. You’re sweating profusely. It’s difficult to breathe.

You can see a faint light ahead, signaling the end of your journey. You hear something pushing against the vent, just missing a sighting of the figure that eases through. You peer through the opening and recognize the staff bathroom near William’s office. It’s a short drop to the tile flooring.

The yellow rabbit stands before the sink, head tipped to one side, contemplating the image it sees. He reaches for the headpiece of the costume, wrenching it free.

William is inside.

You inhale sharply but he doesn’t seem to hear you. His hair is matted with perspiration, plastered to his forehead, his teeth gritted. He snarls at the reflection.

“You won’t take her away from me. You won’t win,” he growls. He drags the pieces of the mascot suit off bit by bit. First the gloves, then the lower and upper arms and shoulders. The chest piece is the trickiest part, large and cumbersome, heavy, but he manages. The lower portions are much easier to remove.

The man finally extricates himself from the last component and leans heavily against the sink, knuckles blanching with the tension he’s applying. His breath comes in ragged gasps. The back of his long sleeve shirt is soaked with sweat. A thin trail of saliva leaks from his panting mouth and he releases his death grip on the porcelain basin and drags the back of his hand across his lips, his eyes lifting slowly to stare at the reflection in the mirror.

“William…” You reach for him and your hands close on vapor. He’s gone. Your mind is closing again. “Please, no, wait, I need to remember this!”

Your eyes open to darkness. You remember nothing.

Chapter 29 ~ phantom ~

The school year has finally ended.

You savor the taste of that freedom. The place that had imprisoned you in unhappiness for so long is finally behind you.

There’s a car parked behind the restaurant that you don’t recognize. Not new, but not that old either. A compact four door sedan. Arctic white. You look a question at William.

“You like it? It’s yours. Congratulations on graduating.” He tosses you the keys and you manage to catch them.

“You bought me a car? You didn’t have to. I was saving up…”

“You’ve got better things to spend it on. College gets expensive.” The older man closes the distance between you. “I do hope this doesn’t mean you aren’t going to let me chauffeur you around town now and again. I’ve come to really enjoy that…” He grins around the saltwater taffy dissolving on his tongue.

“Of course. I don’t…I don’t know what to say except thank you. For everything.”

“You want to christen it?” His eyes flash and you blush. “It’ll be a tight squeeze but I’m sure we can manage. Or I could just bend you right over the hood.”

You body throbs. “Both.”

The grin widens. “Both it is.”

***

There are good work days and there are bad work days.

Today is one of the bad.

Maybe it’s the increasing heat outdoors, rising temperatures matching rising tempers. Kids now home from school for the summer vacation and bored already, nagging their parents. The air conditioning is on the fritz again, a fickle system that operates when it feels like it.

Today it clearly does not.

Foxy is being particularly fussy today. You’ve been working inside the torso for what feels like hours. You straighten and your spine snaps, the synovial fluid pushing through the vertebrae. The replacement lithium components simply won’t fit. You don’t understand it. They’re an exact match for the previous ones.

You’re interrupted soon after by William hurriedly entering, saying he’s bringing one of the kitchen staff to the hospital for a bad burn. Something about the deep fryer. You can see the young man standing outside the doorway, his arm wrapped in a towel.

“It’ll be faster than waiting for the ambulance to get out here. Just keep an eye on things.” His hurried kiss slides sloppily off the corner of your mouth.

You set down the pliers with a sigh, hoping the teenager would be alright. The pirate animatronic was going to have to be out of commission for awhile longer.

***

Even the longest of days finally ends, bowing to evening.

You’re pressed against the wall of William Afton’s shower, one leg hiked up to rest on the shallow shelf intended for toiletries. The flat of one hand sits on your abdomen as he enters you from behind. The other cups your chin, encircling your face and cradling you against him, his mouth against yours. You taste the shower water and whatever raspberry candy he’d snuck in before entering the stall. You can tell he’s tired. You feel the same way. It’s a quiet, lazy kind of fuck. A slow piston grind until his cock angles just right and the familiar sensation builds inside you. His mouth becomes a little more frantic, his hips snapping a little faster. The hand on your stomach slides down so he can access your clit. Your moans echo differently inside the shower, the wet, hollow space relaying the sounds in a different timbre. There. He’s got you. A hot huff of breath and he’s found his. You feel his smile.

You’re standing in front of the bathroom sink minutes later. The drying process was hasty. Water droplets still slide down your skin. You turn and the older man’s arms come around you, stroking over your damp body. Gentle kisses turn more needy.

“Again?” You laugh against his chest.

“I know I’m a lot older and very tired but there is nothing that will ever keep me from wanting more of you,” he murmurs against your hair.

You plant a kiss on the curve of one pectoral muscle, your mouth wandering. The mark is fading but it’s still there, undeniable beneath his collar bone. You trace it with your tongue.

***

William hisses when your mouth makes contact with the scar. It’s become so sensitive. A phantom ache that echoes on the one you’ve left on his hip. He’s going to need a fresh one soon.

He kisses your hair and his eyes lift to the mirror.

The yellow rabbit is watching him.

He instantly tenses, the fingers caressing you pressing more deeply. The cur has never been so bold as to make an appearance with you beside him. The bars of the cage were loosening.

It’s just because I’m tired. That’s all. I’m still in control.

“William?”

He notices you’ve stop peppering him with kisses, drawing back to look at his features. He can imagine how it must look to you. As if he’s seen a ghost.

And he has, hasn’t he?

The past forever coming back to haunt him.

He pushes back inside of you and thinks of dragging a handful of remnant from a broken body and he’s much more aggressive this time. Almost angry. Defiant. He nips at your throat and pulls your hair and sucks a new bruise along your shoulder.

The rabbit’s image fades into nothingness.

Chapter 30 ~ confession ~

It’s well past the time for viewing Hurricane’s Independence Day fireworks, though you can still hear the occasional hiss and pop from some amateur celebrating on their own.

William’s car is parked in the field adjacent to the pizzeria, the blanket beneath you cushioning your drape across the windshield with your lover beside you. The sky’s display of stars is absolutely brilliant tonight, the temperature more pleasant now that the sun has set.

“This was a nice idea,” you murmur, kissing his cheek. “It’s really beautiful out here. We should set up a projector or something on the side of the building. Do an improv drive in. Either just for us or for the customers. Or both.”

“Did you ever get to go to one?”

“A couple of times when I was really little. It sucks there are none even remotely close to us anymore.”

“It’s a good idea. Smart. Thinking like a business woman already.” He pats your hip, grinning. “Did you mention something about cupcakes earlier?”

“I knew you’d get around to that eventually. Yes, I brought them. I hope they’re still chilled from the walk in.” You’d baked a set of yellow cupcakes and decorated them for July 4th. Blue frosting and cherries and white stars. A domestic gesture. You think you’ll be ready to move in with him soon, once you get settled at college. You’d opted for a local one, something that wouldn’t pull you away from him or Freddy’s. You still want to be here, with him.

You scoot and slide down off the hood and open the rear passenger door, plucking one from the box at random. It wasn’t too warm yet. Good.

You rejoin the older man and he props himself up on his elbows, accepting the bite of the baked dessert you offer and the copious amount of blue frosting stains his mouth, visible under the bright starlit canopy above. He swipes at it and tries to smear it on your own face as you giggle and protest, mock struggling to get away. The blanket rumples beneath the pair of you. Your sneaker squeaks against the now partially uncovered windscreen. The laughter softens as you look at him, your fingers trailing gently over his features. You have never been happier. You think he feels the same. The words you’ve wanted to say finally spill out of you. “I love you.”

His face burrows into your neck. You feel his body shudder. “I love you,” he whispers.

***

You’re seated in the car. You sense William’s hesitation to leave. As if he doesn’t want the moment to end, the spell to break.

Your head lolls on the headrest and you smile. You feel incredible. You’ve finally confessed your feelings and found his were mutual. Everything in your life feels so perfect, so right. The missing piece of the puzzle beside you. It was worth the years of misery and solitude, with this as your reward. You’d endure it all again if you had to, just to have this. “It’s amazing I was afraid of this place once. Now I never want to leave.”

You think you see him frown. “Afraid? Why?”

You shrug. “I can never remember all the details. I dream about it sometimes, but it’s always gone again when I wake up. I just have a sensation that I know I was almost reliving it. I was at a birthday party for one of my classmates. We weren’t friends, of course. A pity invite. That’s all I can really recall.” You pause, humming thoughtfully. “Well, a little more than that. I’d been in that employee restricted area before. And Parts and Service. It looked different back then.” You shrug again, shaking off your musings. “It doesn’t matter. I love being here now. With you.” You reach for his hand and find William’s fingers stiff and unresponsive beneath yours.

“How long ago was this?” The older man’s voice is clipped.

“I don’t know. Like, almost nine years ago. The party was in the summer.” You attempt to lace your fingers through his but find them still rigid, unwelcoming. “William? Are you alright? It wasn’t the cupcake was it?” Your attempt to be playful falls flat. You can hear his breathing, feel his eyes on you, his features bathed in shadows now that you’re shielded from the sky.

“I remember you,” he says quietly.

#william afton x reader #william afton x you #steve raglan x reader #steve raglan x you #fnaf movie #william afton #fnaf fanfic #steve raglan #springtrap

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thommi-tomate · 6 months

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Interview with Jupp Heynckes about Thomas Müller

By: Kicker

Mr. Heynckes, Thomas Müller scored for FC Bayern for the 499th time in an official match in the recent Bundesliga match against SC Freiburg. He has 235 goals and 264 assists. You knew this player as a coach in Munich from April 28 to June 30, 2009 and in the two seasons 2011/12 and 2012/13. Why does Müller stand out?

To judge this player and appreciate his record, you have to see the full picture of Thomas Müller. Thomas is a traveler between worlds on the football field, which means that he is neither a striker nor a defensive midfielder, but an attacking midfielder endowed with a special goal-scoring instinct and a gift that is granted to very few players: he has a fundamental endurance and exceptional speed. This combination has always distinguished him physically. Moreover, he is an absolute team player who always and without exception puts himself at the service of the team.

Does this also characterize Müller as a person?

Yes, he is authentic, sympathetic, empathetic, funny, original with his sayings, optimistic, positive and able to lead. Thomas doesn't duck away in awkward moments, he always faces up and has a clear, decided opinion on football and the circumstances in a team. That's why I've always spoken highly of Thomas Müller, because he's an exceptional player, not only because of his footballing qualities, but also because of his personality. I like to compare him with my former teammate Hacki Wimmer, who was just as strong a midfielder as Thomas at Borussia Mönchengladbach and also gave everything for the team. He was self-sacrificing on the defensive end, moving forward, but not as goal-threatening as Thomas. Today, Thomas is a mature professional who knows for himself when he has played well and not so well, when he needs to be critical or hold back publicly. He is now in the late autumn of his career, which is quite normal when you have 300,000 kilometers in your legs and are 34 years old.

Thomas Müller describes himself as an Raumdeuter. Does he have this particular feel for a promising goal situation?

Yes, he intuitively recognizes situations in the game that could be dangerous for a goal. A strong runner and hard worker, he also goes where he thinks he needs to be present and finishes. With his now very good eye, he has great peripheral vision, plus calmness on the ball, so he plays precise passes and hits very good crosses. Thomas doesn't stand out as a footballing giant, but his overall image could be of a great painter like the Italian Rafael.

What was Thomas Müller like in personal interactions?

He was always accessible in communication, ready to talk and receptive. He understands football as a game, recognizes currents in a team and sees through the mechanisms outside. With Bastian Schweinsteiger and Philipp Lahm, he mediated within the team and forced self-cleaning processes before the coach had to take action. It's a gift when you have players like that as a coach.

In the Bundesliga, Müller, who made his debut in a 2-2 draw with Hamburger SV on August 15, 2008, has recorded 200 assists and 144 goals in 448 matches and 33,089 minutes, he needs 96 minutes for a scoring point, so he manages to score or set up a goal in almost every league match. How is this consistency possible?

First, he was very rarely injured, so he had continuity in his career. Then he has the ability to anticipate, he foresees developments on the pitch. When Franck Ribery and Arjen Robben used to go off on the wings or Kingsley Coman, Serge Gnabry or Leroy Sané do it today, Thomas sprints off from deep or instinctively adapts his position to requirements when he's already in the penalty area, he goes into the five-meter area or pulls back from there toward the penalty spot. He also likes to orient himself towards the second post. He has this behavior down pat and has also perfected it. Thomas has it all in his blood.

Under you as coach, Müller scored 47 goals in 135 appearances over 9754 minutes, plus 53 assists, making exactly 100 scorer points. Where did you see his ideal position?

Thomas is a highly intelligent player whom I used mainly as a forward midfielder or second striker. He could also play on the right side and accepted this role without grumbling. He got to grips with this task and then came through there as well. The optimal place for him was behind the striker.

Müller set up by far the most goals for Robert Lewandowski: 64, including 48 in the Bundesliga. Why did Müller and Lewandowski harmonize so well?

It worked so well with Thomas and Robert Lewandowski because Lewy recognized and sensed exactly when he needed to break away from his opponent - at the precise moment when the ball had left Thomas' foot, and never before. This interplay was based on the intuition of the two, it was blind understanding. Thomas hit the crosses exactly the way Lewy needed them: the striker had to go forward, run or sprint into the crosses or put-ins, often with prior backward body deception.

Were Müller and Lewandowski the most effective striker duo in Bundesliga history?

Every time is different. Of course, they were a great pair, but Thomas played just as efficiently with Mario Gomez or Mario Mandzukic. However, Lewy has already benefited a lot from Thomas.

Under Pep Guardiola, Müller collected at least 40 scorer points in every game, and in 2015/16 his best mark was 45. Does Müller need more space for his game or does it help him more when things are tight up front?

When Thomas has space, that's an advantage for him because he's also very fast. But since he is a very skilled player, he knows how to adjust to all conditions. In general, he moves very well thanks to his immense running strength and is always playable. When he comes under pressure there, he doesn't take the ball but just lets it clatter. His passes have the right sharpness and precision, they also get onto the right foot of the teammate - many professionals lack this gift. Thomas plays simple football, not fancy.

87 scorer points are the best score for a German player in the Champions League. FC Barcelona is the foreign club against which Müller scored the most points. In nine duels, he scored eight goals and served to two goals. In the semifinal before winning the title in 2013, Müller scored the 1-0 and 4-0 at home, and he set up the 3-0 by Mario Gomez. In the second leg, he scored the 3:0. What does this data say about Müller's international class?

For Thomas, the games in the Champions League were always highlights, and he saw the duels with Real Madrid or FC Barcelona as a major challenge. His special motivation was there to be felt. He knew how to adapt to his opponents, and he knew exactly when he needed to be even more focused. That's why this international top score comes as no surprise to me.

Was he nervous at any point?

No. Rather highly concentrated and well prepared, tense. Anyone who has been German champion twelve times like Thomas is no longer nervous.

Did you see Müller more as the final provider or the enforcer?

I have always seen the whole football player Thomas Müller, both elements for the offense distinguish. In addition, he was always driven by an immense will to perform, the utmost professionalism. Even if he exudes a certain lightness on the outside, in truth he is totally focused. That's why I always had such a high opinion of him.

Müller scored 149 of his 235 goals with his right foot, and he also scored with his chest - against Bochum in 2009/10 - or with his left upper arm against Hannover in the 2013/14 Cup. Is Müller underestimated because of his sometimes seemingly clumsy movements?

What I said before about him as a footballer makes any answer to this question superfluous.

Müller didn't have it easy with every coach. Did you also have doubts about him at times?

I never had any doubts about Thomas Müller. I got to know him in 2009. Back then, we still managed to reach the Champions League in the six weeks we worked together at the end of the season. After the season, we played six friendly matches, six days in a row. Thomas played every one of those games. It was amazing. After that, I transferred to Bayer Leverkusen and called Hermann Gerland in Munich and said, "Hermann, I want Thomas." Hermann replied, "You're crazy. I've already talked to Louis van Gaal and told him that Thomas is a good kid we have to promote." I then dropped the courting of Thomas.

Müller was never Footballer of the Year. Is his value not appreciated accordingly?

Has he really never been Germany's football player of the year?

Never.

That is an oversight on the part of the jury. I would like to join this group (laughs), my vote would go to Thomas. He would have deserved this award 100 percent. For me, he is exceptional and one of the best players in the history of FC Bayern, which is rich in great players and to which he has been loyal throughout his career. It is a gift for any club to have such a player. I have always held him in immense esteem, Thomas Müller is unique. What he has achieved in football so far is a magnificent, admirable lifetime achievement. And once he steps off the big football stage, I will miss him. When he plays, Thomas is always an eye-catcher. There will never be another player like him: Just as there will be no more Franz Beckenbauer or Gerd Müller, there will be no more Thomas Müller.

#I have to confess that I cried reading this interview #jupp heynckes #thomas müller #fc bayern münchen #interview

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sarahowritesostucky · 3 months

Text

📖"Body Heat: a Snowpiercer-Marvel Mashup Story pt 2

Rated: Explicit

Pairing: Curtis Everett x ofc

Tags: food insecurity, post apocalypse, age difference (18/34), dark!fic, implied/referenced suicide, poverty, arranged marriage, implied/referenced past cannibalism, hurt/comfort, attempted sexual assault

Summary: She’s too young for him to be eyeing her up the way he has been, but this is the Tail section, and Curtis has caught other men looking more than once. Everything is a commodity in the Tail. Everything. It won't be too long before he has to step in and claim her.

Author's Note:

On Tumblr, forbidden ToS content categories are: "terrorism, hate speech, harm to minors, self harm, sexually explicit material, violence, threats, gore, and mutilation."

And while you ARE apparently allowed to write a fictional story about incestuous, torturing, anorexic racists who rape their siblings, murder babies, kidnap, hate minorities, cannibalize, terrorize, and self-injure in the plotline of said story,

you ARE NOT allowed to write an underage character who engages is any sort of sexualized conduct in a story.

For this one category and this one category alone, Tumblr staff (or at least one particular individual 🧌 😏on staff) makes no distinction between fictional stories and C.S.A.M. They can and will delete your blog without any notice.

So, in the face of this VERY SPECIFIC criteria for Tumblr's censorship choices, I have changed the age of a character in this story to 18. That's not how the story was originally written, and the story can still be read on Ao3, which does not arbitrarily censor their content. But my m/f stories seem to be most popular on Tumblr, so I wanted to include the altered version in my library here.

(To be spiteful, however, I have changed the ofc from 16 to 18 and Curtis from 28 to 34, thus WIDENING the original age gap from 12 yrs to 16 yrs😆)

🖤With that said, this is a dark story regardless, so if you're looking for fluff, I suggest you look elsewhere.🖤

(Wait! I haven't read Part 1 yet!)

Part 2 - "A Microcosm of Humanity, Boiled Down to its Base Elements"

Mealtimes in the Tail are more about social interaction than they are about food—Kind of hard to have a dinner party when the only things there are to feast on are protein blocks and a meat that you’re pretending is chicken, after all. But they make due.

They have dishes now, at least. A couple hundred plastic bowls and cafeteria cups, dimpled and chipped at the rims, but still serviceable. They’re some of the newer amenities, part of the package that the council negotiated for in last year’s talks. It’s never much but it’s something, brings them just a smidge closer to being able to live like human beings, rather than animals.

It’s been twelve years, and still they’re celebrating over bowls when they should be aiming for antibiotics. But conditions were so miserable after Boarding that even the smallest concession from uptrain feels like a luxury now. Curtis would prefer the progress be faster, but he’s not in charge. He’s Gillam’s second in command, and Gillam’s so old and frail now. After the turmoil of the Year Two (and Three, and Five) Revolts, Curtis made him a tacit promise to not resort to such violent measures again lightly. For now, negotiated castoffs and increased recyclables from uptrain will have to do.

He doesn’t see Rose again for the rest of the afternoon. Four hundred people living in a metal box tend to brew discontent and interpersonal problems over the tiniest of things, and as one of the Tail’s five elected, a big chunk of Curtis’ days are spent solving petty conflicts between the Tailies. He navigates his way through a list of waiting disputes in the market car and in the bunks, making his rulings on what’s fair, and trying not to worry obsessively over Rose and where she is and how she may be doing and who may be bothering her.

But he’s not entirely successful, because something still loosens in his chest when he catches sight of her—looking peaceful and sitting quietly alone at dinnertime. He walks over, grinning the closer he gets as she continues not to notice his approach. “... Hey Petal!” he whisper-yells right beside her as he taps her shoulder and sinks down to sit next to her on the floor.

She gasps and almost drops her bowl, but a relieved smile splits her face when she sees that it’s him. “Curtis! Hey. It’s you.”

“Course it’s me.” He frowns quizzically at just how relieved she looks. “Who’d you think it was?”

“Nobody,” she excuses quickly, shaking her head and inching over to make more room for him. “Just glad to see you, is all. Today’s been … long.”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “Did you get the clothes to Gilliam?”

Her smile softens and she nods. “Yeah. And the arm to Coulson.” She gestures down the car to where Phil is sitting, using the rudimentary limb with clumsiness but steadfast determination. “He has to practice, but I think it’s gonna work pretty well for him.”

“I’ll bet.” Curtis smiles, happy for him. Phil’s also one of the elected, and along with Gilliam, Curtis, The Man, and Banner, he’s always done his best to help the people in the Tail survive. … That’s why he’s currently missing his arm from just above the elbow.

Curtis remembers the taste of human flesh. He wishes he didn’t, but he does. And what’s more, he wishes it’d tasted worse than it had, wishes he didn’t have the memory of how his mouth had watered when he’d finally gotten to eat for the first time in over a week. He averts his eyes from Coulson, ashamed, setting his bowl on the floor and sliding his right hand up under his left coat sleeve to trace the jagged evidence of his own failure.

It hadn’t tasted bad. That’s something he’s never said out loud. Because it’s too shameful. Talking about the early days isn’t forbidden, per say, but there’s an understanding amongst the Tailies that you don’t discuss the actual experience of eating human flesh. Unless it’s in private with someone very, very close to you, you don’t talk about the worst things that went down in those days.

Curtis glances back to Phil, wondering. He doesn’t actually know who he’s eaten. Back in the Desperation, there had been a decision amongst the volunteers that their donations would be mingled and prepared anonymously, to avoid people knowing—even family members, even the donors themselves. Curtis gets lost in the horror of the memory for a minute or two as he stares across the car at Phil, wondering, remembering the taste …

He snaps out of it when Rose says something to him, and he realizes that he’s still got his right hand stuck up his left coat sleeve, touching the scar. Rose’s voice pulls him out of it, like a fog suddenly lifting, and Curtis hastily picks his bowl back up, asking Rose to repeat herself and then mustering a cheerful answer for her as he puts the memories of the past back in the box on the shelf in his mind.

He and Rose sit shoulder to shoulder and converse over their bowls of stew. It’s one of only a few things that Tailies ever get to eat, and consists of broth made from cooked down protein blocks, and chunks of meat from the only other animal that shares the tail section with them.

Yeah, they eat rats. Curtis has stopped caring at this point. In fact, he’s not sure he ever really cared in the first place. Once you start with cannibalism, the only way to go is up. And it doesn’t taste too bad—especially since they’ve graduated from catching the rats to actually breeding them in cages. Between that and the artificial salt substitute that Curtis negotiated as part of last year’s package, things have a nicer flavor to them than they used to.

“Didn’t you work in the kitchen car for a hot second?” he says between one sip and another, when he’s paused to try and use his fingernail to get a stringy bit of meat out from between his teeth. “What’d MJ have you doing in there?”

Rose makes a face. “There are only a couple steps to making this slop, Curtis. Use your imagination.”

He laughs at the comical shudder she gives, and she kicks him for laughing at her. “So dramatic,” he teases. “What do you have to compare it to, anyway, huh?” He rolls his eyes. “Train babies. Don’t realize how good you have it.”

She gasps and pokes him as though he’s heaved a grave insult at her. “I am not a train baby!”

“Barely.”

“I’m eighteen!” she says, as if that makes her a full fledged adult (Curtis swallows heavily as he thinks that in some ways, it does). “I remember food from Before,” she insists, and Curtis shakes his head in amusement at her.

“Fine. What do you remember?” He’s breaking one of his own rules for her, talking about Before. It should alarm him but it doesn’t. “What food?” he taunts.

She sticks her chin out haughtily and thinks about it, before declaring, “Goldfish. And noodles. I remember noodles.”

It takes all Curtis has inside him not to snicker at her expense. He does want this girl to like him, after all. He looks down at his own bowl of stew and smiles fondly. “Goldfish crackers and noodles. That’s very specific.” The kind of thing a young child would remember. “Is that all?”

She twists her lips and admits, “Yeah.”

You have blocked a lot of it out, Curtis thinks sadly. Just not the parts that happened after Boarding. “It’s better that way,” he tells her. “Makes all of this more bearable.” Rose has never really had a life that was anything other than “bearable,” and while that is something of a mercy for her, it also makes Curtis want to be the one to give her more; be the one to introduce her to finery and pleasure, show her what it can taste like, what it can feel like. “There’s things I want to get for us,” he tells her, speaking quietly because he doesn’t need the people nearby overhearing and getting themselves worked up. “Things for the Tail, food I want to negotiate for. I think this might be the year.”

Rose looks intrigued. “What?”

“Lean closer,” Curtis whispers. “This is top secret.”

She smirks and scootches even closer to him, until they’re pressed together from hip to shoulder. “What?” she whispers.

Curtis looks her in the eye and lets the tension build for a moment, trying his damnedest to keep his expression serious, and then he declares, “Goldfish and noodles.”

She gives an outraged squawk and moves to swat at him for making fun of her, though she’s laughing herself. “You suck!”

Curtis stays her hand, pulling her into a one-armed hug and apologizing through his own laughter. “Wait, wait, wait. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Shh. I’ll tell you.” He calms down from laughing. “I’ll tell you, I will.”

“Jerk,” she mutters, but he can hear the fondness in her voice.

“Chickens,” he whispers in her ear. “You remember those?”

She purses her lips thoughtfully, then shrugs in a way that tells him she really doesn’t. “That’s an animal,” she says, in what she doesn’t realize is a sad demonstration of her limited knowledge. “A bird.”

“Yeah,” Curtis says. “Yeah it is. You know the New Year’s eggs?” Every year since Year Five, a wheelbarrow from uptrain arrives on New Year’s Day bearing the coveted gift of hundreds of gleaming white, hard-boiled eggs—one for each blasted soul who lives trapped in the Tail section. Rose hums and Curtis nods. “Those come from chickens. They lay the eggs and you can eat them. It’s a good source of food. And you can kill the chickens and eat them, too. Eat their meat.”

“But … don’t baby chickens come from the eggs?” Rose asks naively.

Curtis smirks. “Yeah, but that’s when they’re fertilized. If a male chicken isn’t around fucking the hens, then the eggs just come out, and you can eat ‘em. They don’t have baby chicks in them.” He watches Rose’s face screw up at the stark visual, and is surprised when she bluntly declares,

“Oh. So … like a period, with us.”

Curtis almost swallows his tongue. First of all, he wouldn’t have expected Rose to be able to make the comparison. Because she may be old enough to bleed, but they don’t exactly have comprehensive sex ed in the Tail. As far as Curtis knows, the girls are taught young—very young—what sex is, what it leads to, and how to avoid it at all costs. Curtis doesn’t think he’s heard a person talk openly about these things since before Boarding. It just isn’t done. The women handle their stuff themselves, and the men have their heads bitten off if they interfere.

“Um,” he says, face heating. “Yeah, I guess. Except you don't lay eggs." Rose snorts and Curtis winces and scratches awkwardly behind his ear. “So anyway, I want to get us some chickens. If we had those, it’d help a lot.”

Rose stares pensively into the depths of her soup bowl, with its globulous broth and stringy bits of meat. “It’d taste better than this?”

Curtis scoffs. “Most things do, Petal.”

“Oh God, you’re really sticking with that, aren’t you?”

He wraps an arm around her shoulders and gives her a squeeze, laying out his vision for the future. “I want to negotiate for another car. With dirt and chickens.”

“Dirt?”

“Yeah. They grow things uptrain. Crops. We could too. We could raise chickens in half of it, grow potatoes in the other half.”

Rose looks at him like he’s just announced he’ll be negotiating for the moon. “They’ll never give it to you,” she whispers. “Why would they?”

“If I could threaten them with something big enough. We might have the bargaining power.”

“What would you threaten them with?”

He smiles sadly and squeezes her shoulder. “I dunno. That’s what I’ve gotta figure out.”

“But you’re not gonna … I mean there’s not going to be another war, is there? Not like before …”

There’s genuine fear in her voice when she asks, which makes Curtis feel like crap. Everyone had suffered back then. Many had died. He thinks about how Rose would’ve only been eleven or so, during the Year Five Rebellion. Just a kid, still playing with the crummy little doll Curtis made for her. “No, Hon,” he promises gently. “No. There are other ways. Other things we can do to gain leverage. It just takes time.”

“What ways?”

He shakes his head and smiles. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I can’t help it,” she pouts. “I may not know many things. But I like to know them.”

He smiles fondly. “I know, Petal. You’re curious. Always have been. You like to know the scuttlebutt, as they say. You’re not afraid to ask questions. I like that about you.”

“You do?”

“... Among other things.” He sees her cheeks color prettily, and realizes he’d better stop talking. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“I’d tell you if I could, but these things are above your paygrade. Me and Gilliam’ll figure it out.” He shoots her a wink. “That’s why they pay us the big bucks.”

She titters at that, because they both know that there’s no such thing as money in the Tail. Oh there’s currency, for sure, just not the kind that’s handed over as stacks of bills. Curtis lets his eyes drag over the few parts of Rose’s body that he can see: her attractive face and the slope of her neck, the delicate suggestion of a collar bone where it peeks out before it’s swallowed up by her sweater. He looks away. “I want to improve things for us. Change is possible. There are things we can get. We just have to work for it.”

“What things?” she presses, leaning closer.

He thinks about brushing her off, but he can see that she’s genuinely curious, and the interested gleam in her eyes sways him. Because ideas can mean hope, and he wants her to have hope. They’ve both seen what can happen when there isn’t any.

He tells her about the basic medicines and medical supplies that could be useful, tells her about the items they could receive if people uptrain were more willing to bargain. “More castoffs would go to us, instead of into the recycling machines,” he tells her. While it is true that some old and unwanted items eventually make their way into the Tailies’ “market,” the sad fact is that many more materials are cleansed, disintegrated, and recycled for use through the train’s 3d printing machines. Curtis has never seen them, but due to his yearly talks with a woman named Melanie, he now knows that they exist, and they’re why not much gets sent back to the Tailies.

“We’d have more clothes, toys and books, all sorts of new things.” Of course when he says “new” he only means new in the sense of new to them. To people in the front, Tailies are second class citizens at best, subhumans at worst. The funny thing is, Curtis doesn’t take offense at it like he used to. He’s learned by now that it’s human nature to kill, cheat and steal, clamoring all over each other whenever resources are limited. They’ve literally eaten the weak in the Tail, after all. It’d be hypocritical to hold the first class passengers to a higher standard.

No, Snowpiercer is just a microcosm of humanity boiled down to its base elements. Nine-hundred people surviving on a miserable little train, barreling endlessly around the frozen corpse of the planet. Of course there’s going to be subjugation of the weak so that others can have more. Curtis doesn’t hold it against them anymore, but he sure as hell isn’t going to take it lying down. The Tailies were never ticketed passengers. They forced their way on, they scraped and scrounged and earned their survival. And if they ever get the chance, they’ll turn the tables on the passengers uptrain in a heartbeat. Curtis makes speeches about “leveling the playing field,” but he doesn’t have visions of utopia. Not really. He just wants to die in a feather bed.

“What would we have after chickens?” Rose asks, drawing Curtis out of his gloom. She knows as well as he does, what the definition of a “pipe dream” is, but it’s fun to pretend with someone you like, and Curtis likes her. Always has. He likes that she hasn’t turned grey and dull like everyone else in the Tail. So he indulges her “what ifs” and they continue to tease each other over various colorful and increasingly stupid imaginings: how they’ll have potatoes, and then beef, then televisions, bathtubs, a swimming pool.

At some point, Curtis realizes that he’s actually managed to make her smile, and giggle. Even sitting on a cold steel floor slurping at a bowl of rat and god-knows-what stew, he feels like a king knowing he was able to do that. “You’re really beautiful when you smile,” he blurts out, soaking up the way that her eyes get just a little bit wider and her lips part in surprise. He averts his attention back down to his bowl, pleased as punch. “‘Course, I always think you’re beautiful,” he murmurs, fully intending for her to hear.

She gets quiet after that, bashful and seemingly deep in thought. Curtis doesn’t worry though, because when everybody settles in to listen to that night’s story, she goes to fetch one of the blankets off her bunk and brings it back. She plops herself right back down next to Curtis and hands him a corner of the blanket to wrap it around both of their shoulders. He obliges. The assembly car fills up for that night’s entertainment, and just before the lights are dimmed down to their lowest level, Curtis locks eyes with Tanya from across the car, who’s shooting him a scrutinizing look. He’s grateful to escape her judgment for the moment, but he knows she’ll be on him before long.

They set out the tall stool at the head of the car, and Painter, the Tail’s historian, climbs up and settles on it.

A quiet man of short stature, Painter’s been performing the nightly stories since almost from the very beginning. He has a way of seeing things that others don’t, a way of weaving words and details together in graduating, elaborative cadence; like his drawings, like strings on a loom, always managing to convey the true heart of a matter in a way that resonates with people. It’s the closest thing to watching a movie any of them will probably ever get again, and in Curtis’ opinion it has just as much value as the food they feed their bodies with. People need more than just food to survive. They need community, they need love, they need hope.

Painter sits silently at first—a sign that he hasn’t decided on the topic and is taking suggestions that night. Someone calls out in the dimness to suggest The Man for tonight’s story, and a murmur of general agreement goes through the crowd. Up ahead on his stool, Painter nods. The Man was well known in the Tail, having long-served on Gillam’s council, among other things. Curtis hadn’t been lying to Rose, when he’d said that her father had been a good leader.

In the crook of his arm, he feels her shift subtly. Aware that this might be hard for her, he leans over and kisses the top of her head. “Hey, are you okay?” he whispers, giving her the option. “You want to go?” But she shakes her head and tucks herself further into him, so Curtis relaxes back, looking forward to getting to hold her in his arms for the next hour or two.

Painter does The Man justice. Children are always kept in another car during storytime, so that the plotlines don’t have to be watered down for their sensibilities, but even still, Curtis doesn’t doubt that Painter knows Rose is present, because he takes care to soften the corners of the story where she features, and to use gentle words when the most painful memories are fleshed out.

For over an hour, Curtis lets his eyes slip closed and the words wash over him. He tucks his nose into Rose’s hair and breathes the scent of her in, holding her small, soft body against him. He can feel every shift and sway that she gives as she hears the story, too, and they enjoy their time together, connecting over the shared intimacy of Painter’s words.

At some point, he brings her into his lap, and she comes so easily—like she was just waiting for the invitation, and is relieved that he wants her there. This isn’t something they’ve done before. Not like this. And he can tell by the slight tension in her body that she knows it, too. This is new. It could be the first time a man has ever showed her attention like this, and Curtis wants it to be good and easy for her. He gently rubs her back as the story stretches on, relieved when he can feel all the tension slowly leaving her. “Good girl,” he whispers against her hair.

She hums and rubs her cheek on his chest with complete trust, and Curtis suddenly remembers what it used to feel like to sink into a full, hot bath. Is this what it means to be touch starved? he wonders. Probably. It’s been so long since he’s been genuinely intimate with another person, that he’d almost forgotten the feeling.

Eventually he can hear the tone of Painter’s words changing, can hear it all coming to a close as he wraps up his retelling of that night’s story. Curtis has never hated anything more. Please, he thinks. Please let him keep going. Let him keep talking just a little bit longer so she’ll stay in my arms. He doesn’t want to let her go.

… Maybe if he plays his cards right, he won’t have to.

Tanya does confront him that night, cornering him by her spot before he can follow after Rose on her path to the wash car. “Pretty sure that girl knows how to bathe herself,” she says, hand planted firmly on Curtis’ chest. “She doesn’t need you, Curtis.”

Curtis loses sight of Rose going into the next bunk car, and he settles back onto his heels, glaring at Tanya. “I’m trying to look out for her.”

Tanya raises an unimpressed eyebrow at him. “You sure that’s all you’re trying to do?”

Curtis’s eyes narrow. “Have you been paying attention? Look around.” He nods at the crowded bunk car around them and speaks in a hushed tone. “You’re in charge of all the female stuff, you should know better than anyone what’ll happen now that her father’s gone. I’m only trying to protect her.”

Tanya purses her lips. “Uh huh. Protect her with your penis, is that how?”

“Jesus.” Curtis takes a step back, crossing his arms in frustration. He leans back against a metal rail. “I’m just being realistic,” he eventually says, after sulking over it for a moment. He respects Tanya—she’s a crucial part of the Tail, helping the women who get pregnant and give birth, helping the girls when they start developing (and, eventually, when they start attracting the attention of the men). “You’ve seen them looking?” he asks, not having to look at Tanya to know that she understands him. “So what am I supposed to do? Just wait until somebody else stakes their claim?”

Tanya makes an angry sound, though it isn’t directed at Curtis. “I stop them.”

“You stop the ones you can,” Curtis says lowly. “But eventually—”

“Eventually is eventually. Right now is right now,” she hisses.

Curtis turns back to her. “We play it your way and the first guy who stakes his claim gets her. That’s how it works. You know that. Is that what you want, huh?” Tanya’s face works in frustration, and Curtis softens. “Hey,” he says, placing a consoling hand on her shoulder. “I don’t like it either. We do the best we can with what we have.” He feels her shoulders rise and fall in a beleaguered sigh.

“I boxed Batroc’s ears last week,” she tells him; her way of giving tacit approval. “Keep an eye on that dirtbag.”

Curtis nods. He’s aware of who the biggest threats are, currently. It’s the men in their twenties and thirties who prey on the up and coming girls. Marriage isn’t a thing in the tail so much as claiming is. The men have a sort of ‘first dibs’ honor system that Curtis despises, but that he can’t change on his own. Not when the majority is so set on it. “I’m not going to force her,” he promises Tanya. “Okay? I’ll give her the choice. You know I will.”

Tanya’s jaw works, but eventually she nods and turns to the side to let him pass. Curtis pats her shoulder in thanks and heads off in the direction that Rose went with her towel.

He gets there just a few seconds too late—or at least, that’s what he thinks when he hears her crying out from the women’s side of the wash car. Curtis barrels around the partition, heedless of whoever else may be in there when he can hear Rose in distress.

There’s a man standing at her back, pushing her face up against the wall of one of the stalls. She’s naked, the shower spraying aimlessly not even a foot away. She’s struggling, crying … and the man’s pants are halfway down his thighs.

Curtis sees red. “Get the fuck off her!”

Everything happens in a blur: him pulling the man back by his shirt and throwing him onto the floor at the opposite side of the car, the man’s head hitting the wall, Rose crying out in fear, Curtis going over to gather her naked body into his arms. “Are you okay?” he asks breathlessly, holding her as she sobs and presses her head of soaked hair against him. His hands slide over the water-slicked skin of her back, his heart in his throat. “Did he hurt you?”

She sobs and shakes her head, clinging to him. “Curtis!”

“Shh, you’re okay. It’s okay. I’ve got you.” He looks across the car at the man, who’s now rubbing his head with a pained wince. Curtis feels rage consume him and he has no control over his actions as he abandons Rose by the stall and stalks across the car to punch the guy square in the face. He immediately grabs his shirt collar and hauls him back in. “Who the fuck do you think you are?!” he roars.

“Stop!” the man—a guy Curtis knows only as Hodge—coughs out, speaking through blood and what’s likely a broken nose. He holds up his hands to defend himself from further assault, and Curtis shakes him with a furious growl.

“Did you touch her?! What did you do? I’ll kill you!”

“I didn’t!” Hodge coughs, pushing against Curtis. “I didn’t do anything! I was just—”

Curtis slams him back into the wall of the car. “Then why’s your dick out?!” Hodge sinks down the wall to the floor and Curtis follows him down. “Answer me!”

“I just wanted to talk to her!”

He’s about to reach down and rip this guy’s nuts off, but Rose calling to him from the other side of the car draws his attention away: “Curtis, please. Curtis!” She’s standing there—naked, wet and shivering, futilely trying to cover herself. She looks at him pleadingly through her tears. “He didn’t. You stopped him. He didn’t.”

It’s enough to make Curtis rein himself in from further violence. Rose needs him more than he needs to hurt Hodge. Still, he shakes the man again as he hauls him back up to standing and shoves him towards the exit of the car. “This isn’t finished,” he warns him at the door, pushing him through hard enough that he falls to his ass on the other side. Curtis points at him. “You’ll pay for this.”

He slams the door and goes back to Rose, who’s still standing there looking lost, shivering, cold. The shower’s still running, so Curtis hurries over to turn the water off. He grabs the towel that’s hanging on the hook and brings it to Rose, intending to bundle her up as quickly as he can. She takes it and wraps it around herself, but it ends at mid thigh and Curtis’ eyes are drawn to a trickle of red running down her inner thigh. All the blood drains from his face. “You’re bleeding,” he says, horrified.

Rose looks down at it and sniffles. “Oh.”

“I’ll fucking kill him,” Curtis breathes, already turning to go back out and finish the job.

“Curtis! Curtis wait!” Rose grabs his arm with both hands as she shakes her head frantically. “I’m fine. It’s my period. He didn’t hurt me.”

Curtis calms down, his chest heaving from adrenaline. “You swear?” he urges, grabbing her upper arms and holding her in front of himself to get a better look at her. Now that he’s paying attention, he can see that she’s dripping wet and rattled, but not visibly hurt.

“I swear. I’m okay.”

His eyes track back down to the blood on her leg, suspicious until he looks beyond and sees her pile of clothing sitting over on a shelf. There’s a small folded rag there the likes of which he’s seen before; what the women pass around silently amongst themselves when they bleed. Curtis calms down as he realizes that Rose is telling the truth and not just lying to keep him from murdering Hodge. He lets go of her upper arms, suddenly aware that she may not want him touching her right at this moment. “Sorry,” he mutters, not knowing what else to say. He feels like he’s just run a marathon, his heart is beating so fast.

Rose surprises him by throwing herself into his arms again, a sob making her whole body heave against him. “Thank you,” she cries, hugging him, hiding her face against his chest. “Curtis, god. If you hadn’t come in …”

“Shh. I did. I did come,” he reassures her, wrapping his arms around her fully again now that he knows it’s welcome. She feels so small. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.”

They stand there for who knows how long. Minutes, at least. Calming down together. Rose’s crying fades, and Curtis’ blood pressure re-enters the stratosphere. He can feel the red hot anger and instinct to kill bleeding out of his mind the longer that time stretches on. He becomes aware of how cold Rose must be in only her towel and still all wet. “Here,” he says, ushering her back towards the shower. The stalls have changing areas right in front of them, and he steps back so that she can have privacy. “Get dried off. Get dressed,” he says. “I’ll …” his gaze falls back down to the trail of red on her leg. He swallows thickly and averts his eyes. “I’ll be right here.”

Shakily, she nods and pulls the curtain. She gets dressed, and when she opens the curtain again, her hair has been towel-dried and hangs limply about her face. She looks shyly up at Curtis. “Hey.”

“C’mere, Honey.”

She folds back herself into his arms eagerly, whining and pressing into him. “Thank you,” she whispers. “God, Curtis. Thank you.”

“I should’ve been here,” he grunts, thinking of how Tanya had held him back. He silently curses her. “I knew something like this would happen,” he hisses to himself, though he regrets saying it when he feels how it makes her shudder against him.

“Can we get out of here, please?”

He nods and starts to lead them towards the door of the car. He’s not surprised to find Hodge gone on the other side. Curtis silently fumes about what he’d walked in on, as he leads Rose backtrain. They walk through the car where her spot is, and Curtis gives her hand a squeeze when she looks back at it and makes a questioning noise. “I want you with me tonight,” he tells her, gentle but firm, because no way in hell is he leaving her alone now. “Please?” he coaxes, pleased when she looks up to him and nods.

“Okay.”

He smiles softly. “Good girl.”

Curtis has a good sized spot. Certainly big enough for two, which he’s grateful for when he guides her to scoot in across the bed. His is the third bunk up out of four, which means climbing a few rungs, but once you’re up there it affords a fair sense of privacy, especially once he draws the curtain across to close them in together. He flicks the small lamp on, its dim bulb flickering to life and giving just enough light to see by.

He’s got his blankets spread out on the bed. There’s plenty of room enough to sit up and move around, all of his worldly possessions hung to the wall or else strapped against the top of the bunk above. “Home sweet home,” he says, gesturing around half heartedly. “Nothing special.”

“It’s nice.” Rose looks around with a little curiosity before tucking her head down. She shrugs. “You’ve got one of the lights. Our spot doesn’t. I mean … my spot,” she amends quietly. “Our neighbor has the light.”

The lights are built into the walls, meant to faintly illuminate what were once the train’s original baggage racks, powered by the Arc Reactor and impossible to move. But some people have managed to rig up their own lamps from salvaged materials and a little creative wiring over the years. There are no windows in the Tail. Curtis has heard that there are windows uptrain, but he doesn’t know whether to be jealous or not. Would it really improve anything, to have a view of the wasted, frozen world they left behind? He’s not so sure. At least this way they can pretend that Snowpiercer is all there is, the delusion only ruined whenever the Jackboots arrive to deliver food or raid them.

Curtis settles beside her and knocks their legs together. “I’ll keep my eye out for something in the market,” he promises. “Someone as pretty as you shouldn’t be in the dark.”

She smiles as though pained, looking down at her lap. “Being pretty is what got me into this mess.”

Curtis sighs. “No. It’s not just that, Hon.” He cups her face, stroking his thumb over her cheekbone. “It’s not just that.”

“What then?”

He smiles sadly. “Look, if there’s one thing you gotta understand about men, it’s that we covet the rare … and the pure. You’re good. Truly good, in a way most of us aren’t. In a way we can’t afford to be.” He drops his hand and turns away, feeling gross for having told her that, for having included himself in the roster of ‘men’ who think like that. But it’s true. “That’s why you stand out,” he mutters. “None of us are good the way you’re good.”

“What? But you’re good.”

Curtis scoffs. “Please.”

“You are! You’re on council aren’t you?”

He rolls his eyes. “That means I’m good with people, not good. There’s a difference.”

“No,” Rose insists. “No, you help everyone. You lead us, try to make life better for us.” She gets incensed when he continues to disagree. “You do! You … you make dolls for little girls who’ve lost all their toys. You protect us.”

Curtis slumps back against the wall. “Is that what I did back there? Protected you?”

“Yes. Curtis you saved me. You stopped him from …” She falters, unable to say the word, and the silence grows uncomfortable between them. Eventually she stares down at her lap and scoffs bitterly.

Curtis looks over. He doesn’t like the pinch that’s settled between her eyebrows. There’s something strangely self-deprecating about it, and he can’t figure out what’s going on in her head. “Hey.” He nudges her knee with his. “What are you thinking, Hon?”

She shakes her head. “Hodge,” she whispers. “He said things.”

“Oh god. Don’t. Rosie, don’t pay attention to anything that cretin said. Did he threaten you? Because if he did, you know I still have half a mind to rip off his—”

“He said that somebody would choose me, and if it isn’t him it’ll be someone else ‘staking their claim’.” She looks rather mortified as she repeats it. “And he’s not wrong. I mean that’s the way it’s done, isn’t it?” she asks bitterly. “The men. They choose who they want. We don’t get a say. Not really.”

“Rosie,” Curtis mourns, wishing that he could spare her, wishing he could tell her that she has choices, choices that people will respect. But he doesn’t want to lie. She doesn’t deserve to be lied to. “Hey,” he says instead. “You know I care about you, right?”

She nods, sniffling. “Yeah.”

“You should sleep here. Not just tonight but every night.” He can tell by her reaction that she realizes what he means, and he’s pleased when she leans against his side, still seeking comfort in him. He relaxes now that the hardest part is done. “Would you like that, Petal?” he asks softly, wrapping his arm around her and holding her close. She scoffs at the nickname, and Curtis kisses the top of her head. It’s been a long time since he’s had another person in his bunk—a long time. Not having a partner is lonely, sure, but with the way things are in the tail, it’s easier just to jerk off. Romance is all but dead, as is evidenced by the Tailies’ near-transactional customs regarding sex and relationships. “Will you?” he checks, relieved when she gives a little nod and a sniffle.

“I don’t want to be alone.”

“I don’t want that either.”

They sit there in silence for a while, and just as Curtis starts to wonder if Rose has fallen asleep, she whispers, “What was it like?”

“What was what like?”

“Men and women. Before. How did it …” she pauses, considering what she wants to say, or perhaps how to ask. “My dad and my mom,” she settles on. “They were married. They loved each other. Nobody chose my mom. They chose each other.”

Curtis nods and gives her arm a squeeze. “Yeah. That’s how it was.”

“Tell me?” she asks, sounding for all the world like a child asking for a bedtime story. “Please?”

Curtis rubs her back, resigning himself to telling her the truth. “People met,” he says. “At school, at work, through friends. If they liked each other romantically, they dated.”

“What’s ‘dated’?”

He winces where she can’t see. “When you liked someone, you’d ask them out on a date. You’d meet them and go do something nice together. Something fun. Get a drink or see a movie, eat a meal in a restaurant.”

“Did the man decide the dates?”

He frowns. “Sometimes. Women would too, though. Sometimes they’d be the one to ask the guy out. It just depended.”

“What happened next?” Rose asks.

“Well … you’d just keep spending time together, you’d keep dating. If the people decided not to date anybody else, they’d agree to be a couple. Boyfriend and girlfriend. … Or husband and wife.”

“What’s the difference?”

Curtis winces at how sad it is that she doesn’t know that. The long term implications of their confinement in the Tail section are obvious and jarring, at times like this. He licks his lips. “Marriage was more serious than dating. More permanent. You might break up with your girlfriend eventually, but if you made her your wife, then that was like saying you wanted to be together forever.” He doesn’t bother getting into the concept of divorce, knowing that she just needs a basic understanding of the matter. “That’s how it was,” he finishes. “Before.”

Rose is quiet for a long while, thinking it over. Eventually she says, “And now the men choose.”

Curtis hates how resigned she sounds about it. “What happened in the wash car isn’t allowed,” he says, aware of the way her body tenses against him. “I’ll make sure Hodge is punished. But the thing is, Sweetheart … I’m worried he won’t be the last.”

Rose sniffles. “It’s ‘cause my dad’s gone, isn’t it?”

“That doesn’t help the matter. But you’ve been old enough for a while now, for some. And I’ve seen them looking.”

“For some?” Rose peeks up at him. “Not you?”

Curtis hesitates to answer. “... You’re young, Honey.” It’s not like he can say that he wants her. But saying that he doesn’t would be a total lie. He might not be looking yet, if he didn’t have the other men to worry about; but he does have to worry about them, and so he has been looking. “I’ll make sure Hodge is punished,” he reiterates. “Severely. Even with the way things are now, that was completely beyond the pale.” He feels that hot surge of fury boil up inside him again as he thinks about it: Rose standing there, shivering and crying, Hodge with his hands on her, his dick hanging out of his pants. “He was going to rape you,” Curtis growls. “He needs to pay.”

“And the others?” she asks. “You’ll stop them?”

His chest aches at her unshakable faith in him and what she thinks he can do. “I can only protect you one way,” he murmurs, pulling her close and burying his nose in her hair so that she can’t look up at him with those big doe eyes again. “Has Tanya talked to you much?” he asks. Her head moves against him in a little nod, but she doesn’t say anything. Curtis kisses her hair. “What happened in the wash car could happen again. Someone’ll want to claim you.” She whines and rubs her face against his sweater, clinging to him. He pulls her into his lap just like he had during storytime, earlier that night. “Hey,” he soothes, “I wish it could be different, you know? Wish I could take you outta here, make other people respect your choices.” He sighs sadly. “That’s just not how it works anymore, Petal.”

“I know,” she says quietly. “Would you take me on a date, Before?” He hesitates, and she notices. She looks up at him. “You wouldn’t?”

“You’re too young for me,” he admits. “Or you would’ve been. Before.”

“Now I’m not?” she asks, and Curtis averts his eyes uncomfortably, because of course she’s still too fucking young. If they were still in the World she’d be in highschool, going to prom and the mall, glued to her phone. Learning about sex from school and porn and from fumbling encounters with boys her own age, not from some jaded midwife in a squalid train car.

“Now …” he sighs. “Now, it’s different. It doesn’t make it right, but girls become fair game once they’re about your age. And any man who’s interested can try for you.”

“I know that,” she whispers. “But what about you? Are you interested?”

Curtis’ mouth is dry. He can’t answer. So he nods smally instead. He’s surprised when she doesn’t seem frightened or upset by this admission. He lets his hands hold her more securely, fingers dipping into the curve of her waist from over her sweater. “I care about you,” he croaks. “I want to protect you. And the only way I know to do that is to claim you myself.”

“Will you?” she asks. She lays her cheek back against his chest and yawns. “Claim me?”

Above her resting head, Curtis grinds his teeth. “Let’s just take it one day at a time, okay Hon?”

“Mm.” She nods sleepily. “Okay. I trust you, Curtis. Thank you for helping me today.”

He doesn’t answer her, just holds her against him and rubs her back as she gradually falls to sleep. He’s not the man she thinks he is, and she should be in her own spot right now, not tucked away in here with him, because sooner or later he knows he’s going to take advantage. He’ll have her, and he’ll make sure that every other man in the train knows that she’s his. That may not be what she really wants, or even what’s good for her.

But oh well, he thinks. At least it’s better than the alternative.

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smoshpvnk · 1 month

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120 misc ship questions | shaymien edition

buckle the fuck up guys /pos

1. who rushes to open doors for the other?

damien

2. who drives more often?

either

3. who is more eager to jump in the shower with the other?

damien

4. who takes self care more seriously?

both but probably damien

5. what’s a song that reminds you of them?

starlight - muse / rather be - clean bandit / everywhere - fleetwood mac / j’s lullaby - delaney bailey + every song i’ve used to make an edit of them with (everything i know about love - laufey, end of beginning - djo, you & me song - the wannadies)

6. what’s another couple / duo (real or fictional) that reminds you of them?

ian and anthony tbh (also dan and phil but i don’t think anyone cares about my explanation)

7. which one keeps more things because they’re sentimental?

shayne

8. which one tells their parents about their partner first? how does it happen?

damien i feel like would be so excited bc he’s so fond of shayne that it would just accidentally slip

9. whose family are they more likely to stay with during holidays?

shayne’s maybe? bc az is closer?

10. whose parents are / were stricter?

shayne’s

11. who uses more emojis?

damien but like ironically

12. where was their first date?

so random soundstage /j uh idk maybe something casual so it wouldn’t feel do heavy at first. a restaurant they both enjoy or smthn

13. what’s their favorite game to play together (any kind)?

nidhogg

14. which one spams posts / links to the other?

damien “this reminded me of you” haas

15. who is the black cat and who is the golden retriever?

obviously damien black cat shayne golden retriever i mean come oN

16. what mythical creature / monster would they each be? (vampire, werewolf, dragon, fairy, etc.)

damien - vampire, shayne - something with lots of wisdom like druid idk

17. who urges the other to go sing a karaoke duet with them?

damien

18. what is their karaoke song?

rather be or an emo one like panic or fob losers (me hitting my 10th year as an emo mark)

19. who is more likely to serenade the other at random moments?

damien

20. who stares at the other from across the room?

damien

21. who brings a shopping haul of clothes home and who watches their fashion show?

both

22. who insists on paying when they go out to eat?

damien

23. who is more impulsive?

damien

24. who is ‘everything’ and who is ‘just ken’? /ref

damien is everything, shayne is just ken (sorry bud)

25. whose main goal its it to make the other blush?

damien

26. who is first to know about a new trend, meme, slang, etc.?

damien

27. who gets up early to make the other breakfast?

shayne

28. who insists they are their pets’ parents?

damien

29. do they have pets together? what kind, what names, etc.

mildy canon /s freyja and zelda

30. who is more of an animal whisperer / befriends wild animals?

damien

31. who has more patience?

shayne

32. who insists on fixing something themselves, and who would rather call a repair service?

damien wants to fix himself, shayne wants to call service

33. who turns something into an innuendo first?

damien

34. who takes longer to understand a joke or reference?

neither

35. who hides in the other’s arms during a horror movie?

shayne

36. who is more jumpy / scared easily?

shayne

37. who makes more movie references?

shayne

38. who thinks die hard is a christmas movie, and who doesn’t?

damien thinks it is, shayne thinks it isn’t (idk for sure though this can probably be fact checked)

39. who talks more during a movie?

damien

40. who carries the other bridal style?

damien

41. what are their thoughts on marriage?

hmmm idk. hesitant but open?

42. what’s the last name situation when / if they get married? (who’s last name do they take, do they keep theirs, do they hyphenate)

haa stopp (like haha, stop) i’m so funny guys (haas-topp or topp-haas idfk)

43. who wants the less traditional wedding?

damien

44. where do they get married, and where do they honeymoon?

probably in a more secluded pretty place in california, and they honeymoon in japan

45. where is their favorite place to travel?

japan

46. what do they do on vacation?

do all the touristy things, shop at nerdy places for magazines and trinkets, get lost

47. which one overpacks and which one underpacks?

both overpack?

48. who is the yapper and who is the napper?

it depends on the topic, if it’s about sports then shayne is the yapper and damien is the napper, if it’s maybe voice acting roles or something damien is the yapper and shayne is the napper

49. which one is a lighter sleeper?

damien

50. who is the moon and who is the sun?

damien moon shayne sun

51. who collects more? (figurines, pokemon cards, etc)

damien

52. who is more excited to decorate for the next holiday / event?

damien

53. who stopped believing in santa later than the other?

shayne

54. do they want kids together? give me all the details - names, what traits they inherit, etc.

in parent au i would think they maybe have 2 girls and 1 boy? alice, cheyenne, and ??? (on my sims they have 2 kids so far, klaus and alice)

55. who is a stricter parent and who is more lenient?

shayne maybe slightly stricter than damien

56. who reads a book, and who reads over the other’s shoulder while cuddling?

shayne reads, damien cuddles

57. which is booba and which is kiki? /ref

damien is booba, shayne is kiki

58. who believes in soulmates and who doesn’t?

neither but damien slightly believes more

59. who gets nostalgic more easily?

damien

60. who is more of a perfectionist?

damien

61. who hosts more parties?

neither

62. who makes handmade gifts more often for the other?

both!!! (damien’s little wooden board for him, shayne maybe mini paintings or origami 🥺)

63. which one is more formal when answering emails?

shayne

64. who prefers skinny jeans and who prefers baggy jeans?

damien - skinny jeans, shayne - baggy jeans

65. who’s better at roasting the other?

damien

66. who initiates more pda?

damien

67. which one is better at censoring their language, and which has less of a filter?

damien can censor better (twitch) shayne just isn’t as used to it

68. who insists on being player one?

shayne

69. which one snores like “honk shoo” and which snores like “hoooonk mimimi”?

damien honk shoo, shayne hoooonk mimimi

70. who gives more forehead kisses to the other?

damien

71. what does their future look like?

happy, content, open communication, side by side coexisting, love, support

72. which one believes in astrology more?

damien

73. what was their first kiss like?

with both consent and surprise

74. who steals the other’s clothes more often?

shayne

75. who steals the other’s food more often?

damien

76. do they believe in ‘celebrity hall passes’? if so, which celebrities are theirs?

damien maybe fictional characters, shayne pretty demispec so he doesn’t really have anyone to feel that way towards

77. what matching couples costumes do they wear?

something nerdy as fuckkkkkk from an anime or video game probably

78. who is naturally more cold / more hot?

shayne maybe cold for snuggles, damien for cute sleepy frustration of kicking the sheets off

79. which is more extroverted?

damien

80. how do they celebrate valentine’s day?

maybe a small outing but mostly at home together enjoying company, touch, and sappy sex hehe

81. what’s a holiday tradition they have? (ex. presents before breakfast on christmas)

insisting they don’t need to splurge on each other’s presents but they each give at least one that’s pricey but thoughtful

82. what niche pet names do they have for each other?

for damien from shayne - slaymien yaas, deem beem, damienuhhh

for shayne from damien - baby bird, my guy, bitch

83. who hates small talk and would rather have deep conversations?

shayne

84. what’s their icebreaker / olive branch after a disagreement?

“i brought home food from canes for us”

85. what kind of food or restaurant is their favorite to get together?

86. who believes in conspiracies more?

damien

87. which had their friends tries to set them up?

sorry matthew scott you will always be the wingman if it’s during so random days. if it’s during smosh days it’s courtney.

88. think of your favorite movie, then incorporate your pairing into it somehow and talk about it.

damien being jack skellington, shayne being sally née finklestein

89. when they’re separated in public, what do they yell out to find each other?

“SHAWNYAY” “DAMIENHAASEN”

90. professors!au. what subjects would they teach?

damien - linguistics or history, shayne - psychology or botany

91. ghostmates!au. who is the ghost that haunts the other?

damien

92. soulmates!au. how are they connected? do they have matching tattoos, names written on them, etc.

i haven’t finished my soulmates au fic but i did the stereotypical purple/black moon, yellow/blue sun

93. punk x pastel!au. which is which?

punk damien pastel shayne. this is canon

94. historical!au. what time period are they in? what are they up to?

probably victorian vampires like iwtv (gaaay)

95. hospital!au. who’s the doctor, who’s the patient, and how did they get in that situation?

shayne broke his ankle and doctor damien is confused how he got in that mess. or damien is a hypochondriac and doctor shayne is trying and failing to reassure him he is fine

96. massage parlor!au. who is the masseuse, who is getting the massage?

damien giver shayne receiver ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

97. angel x demon!au. who is the angel and who is the demon?

angel shayne demon damien

98. gender swap!au. what are their names? (ex. anthony is antoinette)

demia and shaniya?

99. superpowers!au. are they hero and sidekick? mortal enemies? villain duo? what powers do they have?

i love enemies to lovers villain damien hero shayne for some reason

100. timeloop!au. who is stuck and who helps them out of it?

shayne is stuck damien helps him out (read this fic now)

101. royalty!au. who is the royal and who is the knight / guard / maid etc.?

shayne is royal damien is the knight (read this fic now)

102. magic!au. what kind of magic do they use?

damien i can see either being a healer or persuasion. shayne again with wisdom like vast knowledge or nature powers idk

nsfw / suggestive ⚠️

you didn’t see me fill out any of this btw

1. what’s their favorite position?

missionary so they can keep taunting each other. or riding. or any way damien can touch shayne the most. or anywhere

2. who uses their mouth/teeth/tongue more?

damien

3. who uses their hands/nails more?

damien

4. who is a bit more adventurous?

hmmm. shayne?

5. who is more willing to go to a sex shop in person, and who is more embarrassed?

damien can wear a mask and somehow convince himself that he’s extroverted enough to small talk. shayne tried to just get him to order online

6. who is more into dirty talk?

damien

7. who is more into eye contact?

damien

8. what was their most risky / adventurous experience?

across the bed instead of up and down ? smoffice ? in the car in an empty parking lot ? idk

9. who likes to bite, and who likes to be bitten?

damien likes to bite. a lot. we have been over this (i was the one who made this question list)

10. what is their favorite sexual activity to do together / to the other?

damien marking shayne up, dirty talk, biting ^ shayne roleplay, appealing to senses, sense of mystery

11. which is more dominant / which is more submissive?

the d in damien stands for dominant and the s in shayne stands for submissive

12. what was their first time like?

very loving and gay and beautiful and sweet and sloppy

13. who likes to be spanked more?

shayne

14. who sends dirty texts more often?

damien

15. mile high club? yes or no?

too sleepy or anxious so no

16. what’s something they reserve for special occasions?

toys

17. how long into their relationship did it take for them to have sex?

i love the trope for them of like friends to lovers, so as soon as like, they decided they were gonna be more than platonic, it was pretty quick after. damien’s playful touches turned sensual very quickly

18. how often do they have sex?

pretty often bc damien’s pent up-ness will spill into other aspects (like being ‘horny’ in videos), and shayne just gets a lil irritable / attention seeking

#rpf #shipping #antis dni #shaymien #txt #ship questions #otp questions #otp prompts #ship prompts #misc ship questions #p #smoshblr #smosh ships #smosh shipping #shaymien thoughts

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the-paintrist · 1 year

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George W. Joy - General Gordon's Last Stand - 1893

Major-General Charles George Gordon CB (28 January 1833 – 26 January 1885), also known as Chinese Gordon, Gordon Pasha, and Gordon of Khartoum, was a British Army officer and administrator. He saw action in the Crimean War as an officer in the British Army. However, he made his military reputation in China, where he was placed in command of the "Ever Victorious Army", a force of Chinese soldiers led by European officers which was instrumental in putting down the Taiping Rebellion, regularly defeating much larger forces. For these accomplishments, he was given the nickname "Chinese Gordon" and honours from both the Emperor of China and the British.

He entered the service of the Khedive of Egypt in 1873 (with British government approval) and later became the Governor-General of the Sudan, where he did much to suppress revolts and the local slave trade. He then resigned and returned to Europe in 1880.

A serious revolt then broke out in the Sudan, led by a Muslim religious leader and self-proclaimed Mahdi, Muhammad Ahmad. In early 1884, Gordon was sent to Khartoum with instructions to secure the evacuation of loyal soldiers and civilians and to depart with them. In defiance of those instructions, after evacuating about 2,500 civilians, he retained a smaller group of soldiers and non-military men. In the months before the fall of Khartoum, Gordon and the Mahdi corresponded; Gordon offered him the sultanate of Kordofan and the Mahdi requested Gordon to convert to Islam and join him, to which Gordon declined. Gordon was besieged by the Mahdi's forces, Gordon organised a citywide defence that lasted for almost a year and gained him the admiration of the British public, but not of the government, which had wished him not to become entrenched there. Only when public pressure to act had become irresistible did the government, with reluctance, send a relief force. It arrived two days after the city had fallen and Gordon had been killed.

The manner of Gordon's death is uncertain, but it was romanticised in a popular painting by George William Joy — General Gordon's Last Stand (1893, currently in the Leeds City Art Gallery), and again in the film Khartoum (1966) with Charlton Heston as Gordon. The most popular account of Gordon's death was that he put on his ceremonial gold-braided blue uniform of the Governor-General together with the Pasha's red fez and that he went out unarmed, except with his rattan cane, to be cut down by the Ansar. This account was very popular with the British press as it contained much Christian imagery with Gordon as a Christlike figure dying passively for the sins of all humanity.

George William Joy (7 July 1844 in Dublin, Ireland – 28 October 1925 in Purbrook, Hampshire) was an Irish painter in London.

He was perhaps best known for his depiction of heroism in a painting entitled The Death of General Gordon, Khartoum, 26 January 1885 (1893; Leeds City Museum). Picturing a final moment in the very recent British history of the Siege of Khartoum, Gordon is pictured bravely facing his fate in the Governor-General's Palace, Khartoum, standing above the followers of the invading Mahdi army moments before being struck down by a spear.

#George William Joy #Ireland #uk #historical #charles george gordon #gordon of karthoem

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day6source · 1 month

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DAY6 Open Up About Their Long-Awaited Comeback and What Fourever Means to Them: 'It's Our Time' (Exclusive)

"I think the last three years was a period of self-care and self-love," SUNGJIN says of the 4-piece band's hiatus by Jenna Wang

After a long break, returning to the stage again might feel a little intimidating. Just like with any activity, time spent away might make anyone feel hesitant — like trying to re-learn how to bike, or going through the motions of swimming again. However, when the K-pop boy band DAY6 pulls back the curtain with a flourish, it’s clear that their three-year-long hiatus hasn’t stopped them in their tracks. For the boys — SUNGJIN, 31, Young K, 30, WONPIL, 29, and DOWOON, 28 — the stage is their natural element. From the way they passionately sing as the spotlights fall on their faces, they couldn’t be happier to be together again. And as the chorus of their latest album’s first track builds up, they have one message for those who have anticipated their comeback: “Welcome to the Show.”

Their eighth mini-album name, Fourever, hits the nail on the head with its overall theme, composed of seven tracks about love, nostalgia and what happiness really is. As the boys gather one late evening to talk about the comeback, they can’t help but reflect on their pop rock journey together since their debut back in 2015. While dressed warmly in long sleeves and quarter zips, the energy they exude together is just as heartwarmingly bright. “It’s our time,” Young K says to PEOPLE. “Being able to put out this album would be our biggest joy, really coming back altogether and being able to present ourselves in front of My Days because they have been waiting for this moment as much as us, hopefully.” Indeed, being together in front of their fans, dubbed “My Days,” has been a long time coming. Through all the trials and tribulations, their unity is what stands out as they speak, and especially in their lyrics. “I’m so moved by the stage / That I won’t be alone any longer,” Young K sings in the first track, surrounded by his fellow bandmates.

However, with any comeback from a break, a bundle of mixed emotions is to be expected. “If you listen to our song, ‘I Smile,’ there’s a lyric that says ‘half-nervous and half-excited,’” DOWOON says of the track, released in 2017. “That’s exactly how I feel.” For the past three years, the DAY6 members completed their required military enlistment in South Korea. While they underwent basic training, they also could reflect on what meant most to them. “I think the last three years was a period of self-care and self-love,” SUNGJIN says. “I have come to realize that in order for this band to exist, I have to exist first, so I really try to teach myself how to take care of myself well.”

For SUNGJIN, self-care might be as simple as buying a small gift for himself, or meeting with loved ones. And even though all the boys were completing their service, that didn’t mean they were restricted from seeing one another. In fact, DOWOON recalls a humorous moment when he was in a TV program, and WONPIL and Young K joined him to perform. “They insisted that they come into my room and share my bed while we were training, while we were practicing together — so that’s one memory that I have,” DOWOON shares. “That’s how glad we were to see him,” Young K adds with a laugh. When asked how large the bed was, WONPIL doesn’t beat around the bush with his response: “Yeah, it was very small.” The boys also had ample free time outside of training to engage in hobbies, and DOWOON’s was especially productive. The drummer, and the band’s youngest member, says he taught himself how to play the bass drums and pushed himself to continually “relearn.” Mastering the instrument became the challenge he set out to accomplish for the album. DOWOON is far from the only member who plays an instrument. In fact, what makes the boy band especially unique is how every member excels at their own instrument. While SUNGJIN rocks it as the rhythm guitarist, WONPIL effortlessly works the keyboard and synthesizer. Young K has always been the bassist of the group, but surprisingly, has never played a bass instrument before becoming a trainee. However, you wouldn’t be able to tell because of how much he practices for upcoming albums. “That becomes the best way of practice for me,” he says of his practicing regimen. “Of course, doing the chromatics, slowing down and then going at the right pace — that would be a great practice session.” “That’s why I don’t call myself the best bassist, but that’s what I do,” he simply adds.

Regardless of how they practice, their instrumental mastery shines through in each of the tracks. They serve to highlight the deep meanings associated with each song, like SUNGJIN’s favorite — “HAPPY.” The second track revolves around one question: “Why am I gradually sinking when I want to be happy?” For SUNGJIN, the melancholic song is one that he can especially relate to. “I empathize with it the most because it talks about the question that I had for myself for a long time, which is how I had this obscure thought that happiness will come along one day,” he says. As the boys begin to contemplate about what the songs mean, it’s apparent that they draw on a lot of memories and feelings from the past. Indeed, nostalgia ( a feeling “relatable to everyone,” says SUNGJIN) is a core tenant in tracks such as “Get the Hell Out,” which address lingering, and often tormenting memories.

Embarrassing memories might often fall under the same vein, and Young K can recall an especially funny memory. When he was still a trainee, he appeared on a TV show and said he was “from Toronto.” However, he chose not to say the Canadian city’s name in a Korean accent, and that’s what people will “still make fun” of him for to the present day. “I don’t even have to think back on it — people make me think back on it,” he says of the inescapable memory. “People bring it up, and I’m still that guy from Toronto.” As the boys begin to contemplate about what the songs mean, it’s apparent that they draw on a lot of memories and feelings from the past. Indeed, nostalgia ( a feeling “relatable to everyone,” says SUNGJIN) is a core tenant in tracks such as “Get the Hell Out,” which address lingering, and often tormenting memories. Embarrassing memories might often fall under the same vein, and Young K can recall an especially funny memory. When he was still a trainee, he appeared on a TV show and said he was “from Toronto.” However, he chose not to say the Canadian city’s name in a Korean accent, and that’s what people will “still make fun” of him for to the present day. “I don’t even have to think back on it — people make me think back on it,” he says of the inescapable memory. “People bring it up, and I’m still that guy from Toronto.”

Perhaps just as recurring in all the boys’ lives is the motif of love, which many of their tracks explore. Yet, even with tracks like “The Power of Love” and “Let Me Love You,” the boys still agree that much is still unknown about the power of the emotion. “I’m not 100% certain if I know what love is, but I think for now, sacrifice takes a big part of it,” WONPIL says. “And consideration,” SUNGJIN chimes in, before diving deeper.

“The definition of love is still unclear to me, but I feel it,” he continues. “I really feel from my parents what real love is, and it’s something that I didn’t realize before. Now, I really realize what my parents gave me was real love.” DOWOON says he can feel a special kind of love between him and the fans. “When I look into the eyes of My Days, I can feel their love for us,” he says. “I learned a lot about love from My Days, and I constantly think about how we can return that love and I think I’m still in the learning process of the definition of love. But for now, I can say that the love that My Days gives us — we feel that a lot.” Young K, too, also has much to contemplate about when thinking about love. For him, the idea of love is “very interesting” in many ways.

“Love has been existing ever since human beings existed, or ever since language existed, and people are still asking what the definition of love is,” he explains. “It still hasn’t been defined. I can say whatever we say is not the definition for everyone, but I feel like I can certainly say love exists everywhere.” Later on, the group also demonstrates how love isn’t only between them or their fans, but even for their past selves. That’s something they don’t forget to mention as they grow into their late twenties and early thirties, as DOWOON proves with a message to his younger self. “Just be there and stay there, and it will brighten up one day,” he says after a thoughtful moment. “Learn to love yourself as soon as possible in order to help others.” Despite their more mature outlook on things, it’s clear that the DAY6 members haven’t lost their charismatic and youthful energy. Since they’ve united together again, the band has shared countless memories, full of ab-forming laughs. “When we were practicing, I asked WONPIL: ‘How much longer are you going to practice?’”DOWOON recalls. “He said, ‘I can practice as long as I want, what’s wrong with it?’” As the members begin to smile, DOWOON adds: “And he shouted, ‘Just leave me alone, let me practice in peace!’” WONPIL also adds his two cents as well about what, or in this case, who, makes him laugh the most.

“I always get a laugh from Young K,” he says. “He always makes me laugh. I can’t exactly point out what it was recently, but I remember laughing really, really hard because of Young K.” In response, Young K shrugs humorously in confusion, just as DOWOON brings up his Toronto motif again. Now, with their comeback, the DAY6 members are ready for what’s ahead, no matter how rocky, smooth or unpredictable the waves may be. In fact, unpredictability is already something that they’re used to, Young K says. “When we first came out, there were no numbers, or very small numbers compared to now,” he reflects. “For example, ‘You Were Beautiful’ went in the charts years later after it was released. So, you never know what’s going to happen in the future. All we got to do is just make good music and work hard.” As for any upcoming plans? Besides a concert in mid-April, they can’t make any guarantees about anything else. However, they have their hopes set in stone. “I don’t know if anything is set yet, but we’re hoping to go around the world,” Young K teases. “I promise you, and this is a promise — nothing is set yet.”

#sungjin #young k #wonpil #dowoon #day6 #day6 even of day #park sungjin #kang younghyun #brian kang #kim wonpil #yoon dowoon #day6: interviews #240328 #[this one is HUGE LMAO but v good thank u people magazine]

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