#24h shifts have fucked me up
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It's the dead of night and I am awake.
Do I try to sleep OR eat snacks and doodle ill-adviced little horny sketches of the reptile?
Choices, choices...
#just fangirl things#24h shifts have fucked me up#midnight draws#sir crocodile#one piece#crocaine#one piece shitpost#crocodile one piece
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These Hugs of Yours
A/n: this is the third F1 Post, after a received over 500+ notifications in under 24h after posting my initial first two F1 posts, I'm not used to this attention, but I am so appreciative of it, so thank you to all you lovely human beans who have been leaving notes and re-blogging.
Synopsis: Reader has endo, and its that time of the month, to make matters worse, you must educate your boyfriends on how to help
Pairing: Pierre Gasly X Fem!Reader
Warnings: Details of pain, mention of severe period symptoms, Vomiting, slightly clueless Pierre, Endometriosis , Swearing, french terms of endearment (google sourced)
Word count: 1.3K
There was nothing else but the overpowering pain that shot through you,
Everywhere, it was everything you could feel, stemming from the source; Your uterus. Which seemed insistent and rather quite content on ending you both.
The cramps were pulsating and had you curled into a ball on the top of your bed, with the lights switched off to try and salvage yourself as the headache split through you.
The painkillers you took about half an hour ago had little effect, as they usually did. As useful as a chocolate fucking fire guard.
You could faintly hear the noise of keys outside your apartment door, and the shuffle of shoes being toed off at the entrance way.
"ma chère"
You couldn't bring yourself to utter a response, instead rolling slightly, you stuff your face further into the comfort of the plush pillow, muffling out your whole expression.
You could hear Pierre as he moved about no doubt, trying to seek you out in your usual spots, you had only been with him for a few months, but ever time you were visited by you period, he had been away from home. Leaving you to deal with the devil herself.
As the haze of your pain cleared for a second, you could just make out the noise of his footsteps getting closer, the door swung.
"ma chère?" Pierre asked, concern lacing the term of endearment he insisted on calling you.
The lights were flicked on, and even Pierre couldn't miss the distinct whimper of pain that mewled from you, the sound muffled into the surface of the pillow.
"Y/n" his tone was more serious, he padded towards your side of the bed, kneeling onto the mattress so he hovered above you.
You lay slightly angled away, Breathing labour to try and ease through the pain as it began to wreak havoc through your body once more, the stabbing running up your spine now,
Pierre gently reached over to brush the hair away so he could see your face,
"Baby, whats wrong?" he switched to English, doubting you would comprehend French when in this much pain, the grimace on your face made the Frenchman panic slightly yet he didn't move, only brushing the side of your face, tracing a thumb down your cheek bone.
As the pain traveled- a current of chaos, the pulse of pain in your back always made you nauseous and when you felt the burning at the back of your throat you sprung up, Pierre light quick reaction time allowing him to manoeuvrer out your way as you shot off the bed and towards the bathroom joined to your room.
Throwing yourself onto the tiled floor, you felt the jolt of pain shoot up your knees as they collided harshly with the floor, you stuck your head in the toilet bowl as the contents of your stomach came up.
Over the noise of your own retching you could hear your boyfriend's panicked voice as he rambled small amount of french mutterings under his breath as he moved to you.
Finally aware of his approach you tried to kick out at the door to shut it on him,
"No, Y/n," he stopped the door and moved to be beside you on the floor,
Pierre began to rub soothing circles onto the middle of your back, the repetitive motion gave you something to focus on,
"I don't want you to see me like this" heat bloomed in your cheeks,
Pierre shifted so he sat with you body between his legs, having him close eased your nerves slightly,
"I'm not going anywhere"
but the pain waved back again, you had a second to cry slightly before you were throwing up once more, his hand never once leaving the spot at your back,
Once you finally finished, stopping your hand from shaking when you placed them against his thighs, which hugged you closer.
Pierre gently pulled you back until you where pressed to his chest, the pain had exhausted the energy in you, so when your own head fell back to rest on his shoulder you let a sigh escape your lips,
"chère?"
Shaking your head, "It isn't usually this bad"
Pierre shifted at the slight detected of the quiver in your voice, sounding a second from breaking, when you tilted you head to peer at him from the corner of your eyes you found him in thought as he watched you,
"Its my period, Pierre"
His puzzlement dissipated and he rocked you both slightly, waiting on the floor with you still hugged to his chest.
There was silence until he finally whispered,
"What... what am I supposed to do?"
Sitting up away from him, you turned to meet his gaze, you faintly caught the movement of his hand as it drifted towards you stomach, Placing it there, the warmth of his hand under your shirt, well his shirt, was like bliss, he began to gently message the skin over your womb,
"You don't have to do anything, Pierre"
He shot you an offended expression,
"Its my job to take care of you, so what can I do?"
You had to squeeze your eyes shut, as another wave of pain began to rise slowly inside you,
"I could get you pregnant." Your eyes snapped open at his suggestion, his statement was so forward that you ignored your pain altogether for a moment.
"That way you might get nine months of relief" his reasoning made you giggle, this god send of a man, who had completely flipped your life upside down, who you one day say yourself potentially starting a family with, had suggested pregnancy as a way to avoid your period. As though it hadn't its own flurry of symptoms and pains, though you suspected he wasn't the first man on earth to make the suggestion, or the last.
"I think some of your hugs might suffice for now"
Pierre nodded, his cheeks a deep red.
"I'll emm.. I'll let you clean up, " he pushed up from the floor, "Are you okay to stand?"
Gratefully taking the hand he extended to you, you rose up off the floor trying to hide the wince when the pain bolted from you once more, easing your weight onto the side of the sink, you nodded for him to leave, he shuffled out leaving you.
Brushing your teeth and rinsing out your mouth and splashing your face quickly, you made way back into your room,
You could hear Pierre on the phone to someone in the hall, following the sound of his voice, the living area of your apartment was open and warm, the light glow of a candle lighting up the corner from where Pierre had lite it.
Seeing you wander in, he ended the call,
"Who was that?"
"Just work, they wanted me to come in an look over data"
Stopping dead in your tracks, you shot a deadpanned expression at him, "Pierre.."
"No, I have far more important things right here" he extended both arms, gesturing you towards him. Normally you would have protested but as the pain began to swell once more, you made for the couch,
His whole body had engulfed yours, just as you liked, his chin nuzzled against the crown of your head. Everything about this felt right, despite the pain; you could feel the exhaustion taking over, eyelids growing heaving.
"You never said no" Pierre mumbled into your hair, where he left a round of soft kisses, moving to press his lips to your temple, they were warm and gave you something to focus on besides the pain.
"Hmm?"
"About a baby."
"Make me a Gasly first, then we can have that discussion."
There had been a time in your life, where you would never dream of marrying a man had had only been in your life for a few months, but Pierre seemed to make the exception.
Your Boyfriends only answer was to tug you closer into him, and kiss your temple, settling to simple enjoy the feel of your body pressed to his.
He fully intended to take you up on that one day.
#f1#formula 1#formula 1 x y/n#formula 1 x reader#formula one#formula 1 imagine#pierre gasly#pierre gasly x you#pierre gasly x reader#pierre gasly x y/n#endometriosis
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┌─ “ ! „ PSYCHO KILLER
tw slasher!mattsun, final girl!reader, noncon, coercion, size kink, cevix fucking, fear play, blood play, cutting/marking, he uses a knife on reader, degradation, spanking, manhandling, forced cheating, murder mentions, mattsun's giant cock
wordcount. 5.6k
a/n. another commission from an anonymous amazing person so make sure to say thank youuu to them!!! this time we got matTSUnnnn and omg this was such a blast to write anD AAHHH i hope you enjoy it and that it fuels your slasher fucker urge a little bit, thank you so so much for commissioning me again and hERe she is!!
You never really thought much about mortality, before. But the flashing lights reflected on the brick walls, red blue, red blue, red blue, and the wailing of the sirens, paint a haunting picture. One that even someone positive, bright-eyed and preppy like you feels down to the bone. You have the displeasure of standing with wide eyes, hands stiff and shaky from the evening chill, as the armed men move people out of the way and the person from the alley towards the ambulance; and though you’re across the street— you can tell.
The way onlookers cover their mouths and gasp and try to unsee as the stretcher passes by them doesn’t paint a promising picture. Your spine feels all flimsy the longer you stand, one hand wrapped frozen around your bag of groceries, apartment only a few blocks away. It’s in the way the senior police officer glances around the blocked off street and tells a passer-by to hurry home or to move along, and the yellow tape keeping the alleyway separate as it trembles rapidly and noisily in the wind. You take a deep breath against the sudden chill that travels all the way down your body, and pick your heels up to walk back.
Back down the opposite way and to the blue lit 24h corner store you left mere minutes ago. The melody of the store chime is comforting, and you speed walk all the way down the aisle back to the register. The charming, delicate features of the young man across from you light up when he properly looks up, and he tilts his head much like a curious animal- one brow raising. “Babe? You’re back?”
“I’m waiting out your shift here,” you softly declare, sneaking back behind the counter where you usually dare steal a few kisses, and dragging out a shitty, plastic chair to rest your head to his hip as he blinks down at you in confusion. Eventually though, Haru just nods, his honey brown hair falling a little further over his brows when he leans down to brush his hand over your head.
“Okay. You alright?” You nod, and he doesn’t ask more— and eventually you two fall back into conversation, only stopping every so often to serve the scarce customer. When you two walk back home in the early hours of the morning, the people have gone, but the yellow tape still stings as you pass the quiet street.
+
The apartment smells of the cheapest of Chinese takeout when you drag yourself back inside late from work. Your boyfriend just barely peeks his head around the corner to come give you a kiss, gentle as he is, and slides back into his spot behind the stove. “Food’s here, and I’m just making some extra eggs for mine, because I gotta leave in half an hour.” The routine ramble is nice, you suppose, finding a smile on your face by the time you make it into the kitchen with him to wrap your arms around his back, and he hums. “Oh, one of your friends swung by, so I let him in a little bit ago- I left him on the couch.”
Haru’s hands are quick to pull you back when you let go, for just a second, as he leans down to press a kiss to your lips, and one to your nose. “Missed you.”
“Missed you too. I’m gonna go see who needs me- real quick,” you smile, “and then we eat together?”
“Mhm, perfect.”
The door out of the small kitchen leads into the main room, and you look around as you swing your bag over one of the chairs- but find the space strangely vacant. Though a small pout comes to your lips, you just walk along, passing by the desk with stacks of books and lecture notes, to pull open the door to your bedroom. Your house simply isn’t big enough to lose anyone even if you wanted to. The bedroom lights are off, as you step inside, toes curling instinctively into the carpet; before finally clearing your voice. “Hello?”
At the very moment you turn, the tiny door to the bathroom swings open and a tall shape clad in all black steps out— and you jerk with a loud gasp, only to start laughing when your hands meet his chest and you glance up properly. Matsukawa’s dark eyebrows are furrowed in surprise as he finishes drying off his hands, before he gives you a ‘what gives’ sort of look. “You scared me,” you chuckle, as you lean in to give him a hug. “It’s been a while, how are you? And why’d you swing by?” The way he manages to move his arm over your head without having to change positions to throw the paper towel into the trash isn’t lost on you.
“Can’t a guy come see his favorite ethics tutor on a tuesday?” The familiar deep rumble of his voice fills the room, and you make room to trail back to the couch.
“Well, considering I dropped out,” your voice is a little softer when you take a seat in the squeaky chair, “I’d say that it’s probably a waste of your time. But I guess I’m pretty glad to see you again.”
Mattsun plops down on the couch facing you with a little sigh, before that same self assured smile you’ve always known him to have returns. “Don’t make me feel too special, teach.”
“I’m younger than you! It’s not my fault you took ethics again and needed my help.” The banter is nice, reminds you about the hours and hours spent in the library that always grew too rowdy for a study session. Mattsun’s a good friend. A better one than you are, maybe. His long legs stretch out to the coffee table, before he nods.
“This is a nice place. Cozy.” The compliment makes you feel all warm inside. Despite everything, despite the struggles you and Haru have to deal with, the money, the debt- it’s nice to hear someone appreciate it. Even if that someone is the most well accomplished out of your late friend group. “And the boyfriend seems pretty fucking smitten too.” His dark eyes find your face when you smile wider, lacing his hands together over his knee. “Nothing to add? Come on, I missed you so~ much. I haven’t even seen you properly for the last 4 months. Talk to me. You normally don’t hesitate to run your mouth.” He chuckles when you put on a faux-pout.
“Fine, fine, hang on!” you beam after a second of thinking, and roll your eyes. “Let me make a pot of coffee. You jerk.”
“You love it.”
+
You aren’t the most observant of people, but you swear… you’re losing more shit than normal. Some of the stuffies that were proudly displayed on the shelves are gone, and you can’t find some of your panties no matter how hard you look. And while the small closet in the bedroom is more mess than order, now you can’t even find most of your old photo albums, and some keepsakes from highschool and uni. But with your boyfriend catching his sleep when you leave for work, and you returning late- no one has time to go looking for clothing that’s grown legs, let alone do a thorough clean. So you brush it aside, and move on without your favorite pair of lacy baby blue panties.
It’s only when your boyfriend’s watching the news on his laptop one day, that it tickles something in the back of your brain. As you stuff another bite of pasta into your face, your hands still on top of the unfolded laundry.
A feminine voice flies over the topics at breakneck speed, as the honey brunet suddenly turns up the volume a little and stops eating. “Yesterday, another casualty in a devastating string of murders was found. Passerby’s found the body walking by an alley in Miyagi prefecture at around 9pm. The victim has now been identified to be Kawada Eiko, the 25 year old nurse that was reported missing a few days ago. Strangulation or suffocation are the two current debated causes of death, authorities say. She might have been the unfortunate victim of a lover’s spat, as she was found with blue panties constricting her airways. More about this at 6.”
“Turn that down,” you quickly breathe, and Haru turns over his shoulder with concern in his eyes.
“Oh, sorry. ‘S a bit grim for lunch…” He simply gives you an understanding look, before suddenly turning to knock his knees with yours. “How about you pick something to watch? Here.” His hands reach out to pull you a little closer, and cradle you against his chest. It’s sweet. He always is. And though you nuzzle into his touch, the story doesn’t want to leave your brain. There it is again. That faint flicker of mortality staring you in the face.
+
The stern face of the police officer- burly, heavy mustache and old- is exactly how you imagine it’d be, made very clear by the dead-like tone and eyes as he gives you an up and down. “This your house?”
“R-rented, yes,” you’re in the pajama-est of clothes from when you pulled open the door, “of me and my boyfriend.” The officer gives a tiny nod to the other two men behind him, and pulls out his badge to present it to you. It’s too early for your brain to function properly, but you still swallow at the sudden severity of the situation. “What’s- the issue, officer?” Your voice sounds even mousier when his eyes narrow in on the scene behind him, and your measly apartment feels even more inferior than usual.
“Sasaki Haru’s been arrested and is currently being questioned for multiple accounts of aggravated assault and first-degree murder. And we have to search the property, young lady.”
You stop breathing.
Murder.
Your head thumps, and you feel a flare of heat bite at your neck, clutching the door handle a little tighter.
Murder, he said. Haru… arrested for murder.
“We’ll have to take you in for questioning as well. Why don’t you walk towards the car and have my colleague escort you—” You focus as hard as you can on the words that are thrown at you, but really, nothing hits. There’s a blanket of static over everything in your vision. You might puke.
+
“Hey, breathe out. You’re turning blue,” Mattsun’s deep voice washes over you like a wave as you clamp the phone to your chest and try your best to relax a little, a warm, heavy hand softly stroking the area between your shoulders. It’d been a total coincidence that he’d called just as you were done with the hours of terrifying questioning, but as soon as you’d sniffled out that Haru had been arrested, he took time off to come over. Here you are now, hovering between sleep and frightened awareness in the painful, sticky seats of one of the dead waiting halls.
And though you’re glad someone’s here for you, because Haru’s parents haven’t even called yet— you’re also a little too wired up to appreciate the sarcasm and jokey attitude. After another few minutes of nervously fiddling with your phone and staring through the small window at the other doors, Mattsun clears his voice. “So… murder, huh.” His dark eyes are intense as they flutter over your face, eyebrows straightened. “Do you think he did it?”
You find yourself glaring, even though you can’t say why. “No, of course not. He’d never. He’s… he’s so gentle—”
“They’re saying there’s evidence, y’know.” You know that. It makes you want to rip out your hair and sob, because they showed you the proof. The dna, a kitchen knife out of your drawers, traces of the perfume you always, always wear— but you can’t shake the feeling that only if you could talk to Haru, if you could see him, ask… Your intuition tells you he didn’t do it. Couldn’t have. And they’re wrong, they have to be wrong. You would’ve known if you’d been living with a murderer. You would’ve. You just have to wait for an alibi to show it.
“He didn’t do it, Issei,” you softly end up repeating, and Mattsun’s eyes basically roll themselves as he looks away. “I’m telling you, I know him, and he didn’t do it.”
“Maybe- you just don’t know people as well as you think you do, teach,” the brunet places his elbows on his knees, covering his mouth as he leans in as glances over at you. “You’re wonderful, ‘n smart, and kind. But you’re also naïve, baby…” The last word falls deeper, and drags a cold shiver up your spine that only gets more intense when he doesn’t laugh it off, or look away. Luckily though, the door to the waiting room is pushed open that very moment, and a tired looking woman taps her clipboard.
“You can go home for now. Get some rest. And please stay available so that if we need you to return-”
“I’m sorry, ma’am,” you start, and wring your sweaty hands together a few times, “what about Haru?”
Her sharp eyes soften a little when finding your face. “He’ll have to stay until they’re done with the investigation. It might be another couple hours, or days. He can’t see anyone until then.” Your dejection must show, because she sighs. “Head home, child. Try to sleep some. You’ll be okay.” You barely manage to have enough energy to get out of the chair, letting Mattsun take your hand and rub a few comforting circles into it with his thumb. And then you’re walking home as he holds the umbrella high above your heads, and that cold only worsens. You don’t feel okay.
It just doesn’t make any sense.
“How about my place instead of yours?” Issei’s more reserved when he asks, laying an arm over your shoulders to pull you into his side a little. “Doubt you wanna hang out there now that the cops have gone through it all.” It doesn’t matter, really, so you nod- let him walk along the crosswalk and steer you down the familiar streets in silence for a while. It really doesn’t make any sense. Haru’s been at work all evenings that the murders happened, there’s security cameras to prove it. And killing someone in broad daylight, alley or not— it doesn’t line up.
Issei squeezes your hand in his when the silence continues, and you briefly look up at him to give him a little smile that doesn’t feel like it reaches. “Sorry I’m so quiet. I’m just…”
“Lost in thought, I get it.” He hums, before pointing at the long line of buildings. “It’s just along there, we’re almost inside. Then we can talk about it, or you can take a load off, or whatever.” The short chuckle is meant to disperse the tension, you know that, but even the tall brunet seems on edge. You’re still holding his hand, and you find yourself blinking at it in quiet confusion. But the thoughts are louder than logic right now. And if Haru didn’t do it, which you will yourself to believe with all your heart —you have no choice but to— how the hell did stuff out of your house get to the scene of the crime. You never lended anyone that knife, and definitely not the even more private stuff—
Issei leads you through the gates into the courtyard of the apartment, then to the door, into the dim staircase all the while softly humming. And you don’t know why your heart sinks as you climb the stairs with him in tow, because the building smells nice, and the walk to the door is clean and high-class. “Tch, you really are,” his low voice barely reaches, and you raise a brow. “Naïve that is.” The humming goes into a soft laugh when you turn to look at him, and the tall man smiles down at you. But though he’s smiling, the hairs on your neck go to stand on end, shoulders squaring. The vivid, unnatural sort of intensity in his eyes rolls your stomach.
And you go to pull your hand out of his, only for Issei to resist the pull harder. “Shh, calm down. I got you, don’t I? Don’t tell me I scare you.” He does, though. “Come on, princess, we’re friends. And friends are there for friends when they need each other. Now you're poor boyfriend's gone.” Your mouth corners turn down into a half pout, half open in confusion. And you don’t know why, you never felt unsafe with him before— but every fiber in your body is screaming at you to run. You want to. But your body refuses to budge, let alone turn your back on him. Issei’s always been a very tall guy. Tall, but wired with athletic muscles from the years of sports, and strong, and fast— and all of these things never scared you.
But they do now. The shivers that roll down your spine are almost painful as you stare up at him and that happy-go-lucky grin still stays on. The corners of your eyes sting when you try again to pull away, to no avail, and Issei’s long legs pull you towards the door of his fancy apartment anyway.
“Issei, let go.” Your voice breaks, and tears creep up in your eyes and your shaky whimper. “This isn’t funny, let me go.”
“Nah ah, I got something to show you.” His casual sing-song response almost makes you angry. But you can’t be when you’re too busy fighting off a full-body panic and planting your heels into the tiled floor. “I got something to show you,” he repeats, glancing over his shoulder again. “Y’see, because I really like you. You make me feel all- hm- good inside.” His curly hair bounces with each step towards the door, before he repositions his grip to hold around your wrist when your sweaty hand almost manages to slip out. “But then you went and got a boyfriend, and disappeared on me.”
He fiddles with the keys for a second as you use your other hand and try to pry your fingers into his painfully tight hold, and frowns. “And I- stop struggling- I don’t blame you. I mean- it’s not like I can even explain this little earworm I’ve got. About how you and I just fit together. I should know better, right?” He’s rambling so fast, and the door manages to be swung open, and you bite back a sob. You want to scream. You want to scream, call out for help, do something other than get pulled in further and further, but it doesn’t work. Your body refuses. Your head’s blank. “I know I should know better. Yet here we are.”
He pulls with his entire body to get you over the doorstep, and grabs your face between his hands to aim it up to his, squishing your cheeks until your lips are a puckered pout. And his deep voice goes low as he whispers. “You didn’t like my little stunt with the panties?”
It short circuits you. Before you get to think about it, you knee him right in the dick with all your might, and push at his face until he jerks back— turning and sprinting back towards the door. But his reach is longer, and he tackles your feet, sending you straight onto your belly with a loud, unforgiving thump as your head knocks against one of the book cases, and his large hands wrap around your ankles. He pulls you back a few feet across the floor, and though you try to kick at him, he’s quick to get above you and restrain you.
”Help!” you squeak, voice more air than actual sound. “Help me!” Issei grabs you by your neck and kicks the door closed with his long legs, before going to sit on top of your back and squeezing the air out of your lungs.
“Awww, fuck, babe,” he groans for a long breath, before grabbing your head and pushing it down into the cold floor as if in punishment. The loud knock of your skull against the floor is enough to force your thoughts out of you. “That really hurts, fuck.” Then he shifts, one hard knee in the middle of your back. You can barely breathe, and the little bit of air you do get is obstructed by the tears blurring your vision. “Little kitty’s got claws, huh.”
“Issei,” you start to whimper through your hickuppy breaths when his palm slides down your neck and under the edge of your shirt, “please let me go. We’re friends. We’re friends, right? So let me go home, and I won’t tell anyone.I swear, I won’t- wo- please, please, ‘ssei.”
“Tch, don’t go begging on me yet, baby. I’ve hardly even started.” His large hands roam around your skin for a moment, before he rolls you over like you’re a ragdoll, and grabs your face again as he bends down until your noses are touching. Him, overtop of you, his free hand training down the surface of your thigh through your sweatpants.
His dark eyes glitter in the low light, animated and joyful despite the way you’re trying to calm your wheezes. Which doesn’t really help. The harder you try, the less air you manage to use— Mattsun’s heavy palm sliding to your throat to squeeze the tender skin there. “Hey, guess what.” He doesn’t wait for you to answer, before he starts picking anxiously at the stretchy band of your pants, sliding two fingers under it. “you turn me on so much it makes me want to fuck you until you’re raw. But you might’ve guessed that already, right?” There’s a low chuckle, while you’re sniveling under him with wet cheeks and a hot face, before he starts tugging your pants down your thighs.
You cross your arms over your face, and Issei laughs a little harder. “Aww, don’t cry. I know what you’re thinking, all the murdering and stuff, the blood, the choking, cutting open— it’s a lot. But luckily for you… all of that isn’t going to happen to you. Look, here-” he mumbles, pulling your arms away from in front of your eyes to force your smaller hand back in his, linking pinkies, “promise. They weren’t you, so I had to get rid of them sooner rather than later.”
By the time he finishes talking, you’re shivering without your pants, on his cold floor and tears all over your face- and for a moment Issei looks like the guy you knew when he pouts down at you. But then he licks his lips, and the relief is gone. “And you get I can’t let you go after this. So it’ll be easier for both of us if you play along.”
Then he gives you a once over like you’re a slab of meat, and hums, whispering under his breath. “I like when they play along.” It makes you cry harder, but barely any noise manages to come out, staring resolutely at the ceiling as soon as his hand lets your chin go to trail his fingertips along your tits. “So fucking pretty, baby.” The lilt of barely veiled excitement in his voice makes you want to sink into the floor, to just stop breathing altogether. You trusted him implicitly, and- though your skin is covered in goosebumps, it barely sets in that Issei was the one who—
You remember the disemboweled girl on the stretcher, the yellow tape. And bile rises in your throat, so you have to put a hand over your mouth not to throw up. Oh god, you’re… You’re cold on the floor, your tits being gently squeezed by Mattsun’s large, rough hands through your shirt as you try to make your mind go anywhere else, to no avail. Suddenly he gets up on his knees to slide his arms under you, and you start struggling against him enough to make him glare down at you. “Don’t be a brat. If you want me to-”
“Let me go, Issei! Let go, let go!” You’re squished to his chest, but you manage to smack him across the face and get a little bit of wiggle room, and he lets out a low rumble of displeasure, before dragging you further into the house and tossing you down onto the bed. It’s even darker here, smelling faintly of spices and men’s shampoo- but that isn’t what frightens you. It’s the heavy duty cuffs dangling from the metal bedposts, and the way Mattsun grabs a fistful of your hair to yank your head back into the bed.
“Don’t move. Unless you want me to get mad.” The painful tug makes you whimper, but you find yourself trying to slide out the other side of the bed as he bends to search through one of the bedside tables. Your legs are going a bit numb, toes tingly as you dare brush your feet along the floor and make a run for it. Of course, you have to round the bed, and he doesn’t have much of a hard time grabbing the back of your shirt. With one stern move, he swings you over his shoulder, large hand palm landing so hard onto the soft skin of your ass it makes you gasp and tear up. The touch pulses and aches as he slaps the same spot again, and now you’re crying- this time from the stinging of your skin as he tosses you down and forces your hand into sharp, cold handcuff.
His slight frown and the stern look he gives you make your body freeze up, but then he leans in. “You’re a dumb little baby, hm? You don’t get it?” His eyes are wide, pupils dark and blown all the way out to take up almost his entire iris. His hand appears from behind his back with something that glimmers in the low light, and is sharp as he pushes it to your cheek. “Not gonna play along?” The knife’s cold edge next to your ear makes you entirely wooden, staring up at him with shallow breaths and your lips trembling. As he peeks out his tongue, the knife digs deeper and breaks skin on your cheekbone.
And it hurts, clenching your teeth hard as tears spill over, it really fucking hurts. Burns, instantly making the skin feel taut and pounding and irritated. You gasp again, grabbing at his arm with a pitiful cry. “No, no, stop. Stop, please. I’ll play along,” you plead, voice hoarse as you clamp your hand around his wrist. The hot, searing feeling on your cheek and the way you feel blood run along your face and ear takes away all other rational thought. It hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. You want it to stop. “Please. Please, ‘Ssei, please.” The knife’s edge tingles as it leaves your wound, but the pain doesn’t go away, and you can’t help but sob. “Mattsun~”
However pathetic you must look, Matsukawa clearly doesn’t care. Because he groans, before leaning in to press his tongue to your wound, and then kissing you. And the coppery taste makes him moan into your mouth, while you try to turn your head away instinctively. His tongue forces open your mouth and melts with yours, sloppily claiming your mouth with a soft hum, heavy, large body coming to cover yours. He’s everywhere, as he grinds his hips into your panty-clad center and licks your mixed spit off his lips when he pulls back, throwing his head back.
You’re feeling a bit lightheaded, one cheek pounding painfully as you stare at him, and your one arm slowly but surely going numb from the uncomfortable position. But as you’re looking at him, he quickly rids himself of his shirt, and scoots you up the bed a little to drape your legs over his thighs. Even in the half-dark room, you can see them. The scars on his shoulders, his chest, ugly lines that healed over sloppily— proof that someone dug some nails of a key so sharp into him. Fought, and lost. It only makes you take a deep breath that makes a pinched, little noise. And Mattsun grins, rubbing his one hand along the skin.
“They were never close enough to you, y’know? Always something missing.” His one hand goes back to your chest, playing with your pebbled nipples through the fabric, before the knife returns and he drags it across your chest this time, pressing hard enough to cut your shirt and also the thin skin of your breast bone. “Oops, sorry.” The thin line of dots of blood that beads up has him bending to run his tongue along the little wound again, before ripping the rest of your shirt apart and sucking your tits into his mouth too. The warm mouth paired with the painful stinging and aching of your body has your stomach flipping and your mind blank.
Your free hand runs along his head to grab his curls in support, and his moans before biting one of your nipples. Then he pulls back to slap your tits around a bit, and running his thumb over the wound. Seeing the red before he slips it into his mouth is enough to have you squeezing your eyes shut, trying to block everything out. And Issei chuckles. “Aw, scaring my little baby, am I?” The sound of his zipper and the shuffling of fabric lasts for a few seconds. Your heartbeat is so fucking loud, and the stinging is loud, and his voice is loud, and everything is so fuzzy. You open your eyes again, only to find that same disturbing look in Issei’s eyes as he rubs his thumb over the slit of his cock, spreading all the precum around.
There’s a lot, you notice, and also that his heavy, flushed cock is big. Really big, too big, making your breathing even more rapid. It’ll hurt. It’ll hurt, it’ll hurt, it’ll hurt— your mind blanks when he starts peeling off your panties and manhandles your legs around however he wants, before the thick head of his cock is lined up to your too-dry pussy. There’s some wetness there, but not enough. You tear up more, because of the hurt, the pain, the fear, your lungs aching and everything else- and shiver when Issei talks again.
His voice is low enough to shake your bones. “You’ll have to fit me, okay? Okay?” His sing-song teasing has you nodding your head, and he puts on a cheshire-like grin again. “Because when they didn’t, I had to cut them open to make room-” he points the knife into your lower stomach then, point stinging as soon as it touches and digs into your soft belly, “-and I don’t want to cut up my favorite girl.” His thumb rubs lazy circles into the top of your slit, brushing your clit, before he spits on it.
Then he lines up, and starts pushing into your tight, clenched pussy without giving you a second to prepare, placing both hands next to your head and pushing himself into you while each inch fills you up more and more. It’s such a painfully tight fit your legs shake as he pushes you all the way full, and keeps pushing. “Aw, aw, aw, Issei- hurts, that hurts-”
“Uhuh,” he just nods, and kisses you again, smiling into the kiss and pulling back to watch you tear up. He moves one leg to push against your chest, and starts grinding his cock even deeper, pushing you open too much, and you cry— only to make him pull back and do it again, groaning. “Ah, fuck, princess. Fuck-ing- godly pussy, agh.” His huge dick pounds against your cervix every time he pulls back and bottoms out, bulging your stomach in a way that hurts even despite the pleasure. But his body slamming against your pussy each time does feel good, as much as you hate to admit it. It sends tingles down your spine that makes you forget about the hurt you’re feeling. “Tell me it feels good, hm?”
He leans into kiss you again, before turning your face to the side to rub his finger along the bloody mess on your cheek and make it hurt again. “Tell Mattsun senpai that his cock’s your favorite. And I’ll make you come so hard you go cross-eyed.” The pounding of the sticky, warm blood and the skin that aches, the way he fills you, makes you feel it all the way in your throat, how loud your heartbeat is in your head and how your lungs fill only with shallow half-breaths, has you crying out long and hard, squeezing your fingers into his bicep.
“Mattsun senpai~ cock-ahg- hick- my favorite.” You’re not sure you recognize the way your voice sounds as you say it, getting your mouth full of his tongue again as you choke on it and the way he forces his cock through your cervix. Hurts, hurts, feels so good it aches. You can’t tell up from down when his fingers return between your bodies, and he jackhammers his fat cock through you.
“I know, baby. I know. S’all for you now. All yours.”
All Rights Reserved © IWAASFAIRY 2023. Works are exclusive to this Tumblr.
#mattsun x reader#matsukawa x reader#haikyuu x reader#matsukawa issei#mattsun smut#matsukawa smut#haikyuu smut#hq smut#hq x reader#tw.noncon#tw.manhandling#tw.size kink#tw.belly bulge#tw.murder#tw.dark content#🍯honey.pot#💫ch.mattsun
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life update
ha so I was So Offline this past weekend-- during the week I was at least poking my head in on the Internet in the evenings using my phone as a mobile hotspot, and sometimes I had a few minutes during the day, but then on Friday at noon Dude showed up and I was just busy and then in the evenings there was family shit until late and then I didn’t want to keep him up so I think three whole days went by where I did not actually open my computer, and only looked at my phone occasionally. I also worked the farmer’s market on Saturday, which, whoo it was 91 degrees Fahrenheit, great.
Friday evening my older sister and her kids and dogs had showed up to Mom’s house, so I didn’t see them until Saturday afternoon. Dude was quiet and subdued and sat in the corner-- not far off his normal behavior, but I did ask him at one point and he said oh i haven’t been sleeping well this week i’m tired, but told me not to worry about him, so, I didn’t.
It wasn’t until Saturday night as we were walking back to the cabin that he spoke and i noticed his voice was extremely hoarse. “What the heck,” I said, “you sound like shit.”
He coughed. “I feel like shit,” he said.
I stared at him. “You took a rapid test before you got on the train, right?” I said. “If you spent all week with out of town coworkers visiting, and you were tired and run-down and--”
“No,” he said.
For some reason I didn’t make him take a rapid test right then. Possibly because there’s no power in the cabin and I was exhausted and wanted to go to sleep. But you’re already guessing the punchline. The next morning I had him take one of the pile of rapid tests I carry with me always for such a thing (half of the pile that lives in our house), and sure enough.
Immediately, it showed a positive result.
Fucking great, Dude! You coughed on my mom, and on all of my niblings! BIL had *just* Saturday afternoon been done with the 5-day post-exposure protocol after sitting next to the deputy mayor of Troy in a meeting one day before (the deputy) tested positive, so now everyone gets to mask back up...
we had to drive home with masks on, and I had to do all the driving, and he was like yeah in hindsight I get that I should’ve figured this out earlier but-- well he’d had bad tooth pain, had to go to emergency dentist, wasn’t sleeping or eating because of it, and had been consistently coughing due to allergies, and he just plain hadn’t noticed when the accounted-for malaise had shifted over to being more general.
Now he has decided to hole up in the living room of our house, not either of the bedrooms, and that room has no doors, so I have to wear a mask anywhere besides the bedrooms. This is stupid, but I wasn’t going to argue with him. I have tested negative once, and will re-test every 24h I guess-- the protocol is to test on days 3, 4, 5 of exposure and then return to normal, but as my exposure is ongoing I can’t see how that will work out.
I’m at work at the moment, mostly to get out of the house so he has a chance to putter a bit. When I get home I’m going to force him to move into the guest room. He didn’t want to do that because then “if you want to go to the back porch you’d have to walk past me!” ... Dude why don’t you just take the back porch, and I’ll be in the house. I have no need to get to the back porch. if I do I can walk there from outside.
But the guest bed currently has a bunch of my spare clothes on it, because normally I can’t get dressed in our actual bedroom because Dude sleeps later than me. So if I just haul all those clothes out then I think he can just be in there. It makes a hell of a lot more sense than forcing me to wear a mask everywhere in our house.
Of course, if I test positive when I do my second test in about 4 hours, then it will be moot, but.
I think I’m going to borrow some equipment from work so I can work from home a little bit this week, and not come in, because this is fucking stupid.
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tw: death of a family member
ok so my mom texted me today, i'm in my 7th period block, students are working, i check my phone and the message is basically that my grandfather is dying. (my last living grandparent, not that it's super relevant but maybe it is? idk?) he's going into hospice, they're gonna make him comfortable. no idea how long.
my immediate thought is, shit, i gotta fly up there, can i afford it, etc. these are the thoughts i had at 1pm when my students were all doing their thing, i was also trying to keep them working and not show them anything was amiss bc it isn't their business unless i share it and also if any one of them gave me even a shred of sympathy i would have lost it and i don't want to do that, i will cry on my own tyvm lol
anyway. i look at flights, reasonable for flight + car. reasonable-ish. and i texted the ...w/e the hell he is bc someone would have to stay with the dog since he works 24h shifts
had an appointment today, did some errands. whatever. then i'm sitting here at home, listening to some music, just sitting there and thinking and thinking and thinking:
i don't want to go.
and it sounds selfish, and it feels selfish, and it feels shitty.
and anyway there's history here. so my first grandparent to go was my mom's mom in 1993. shittiest saturday morning ever. my 2nd grandmother died in 2017, right after hurricane irma, and my dad flew me up to say goodbye. i was at her deathbed with family members, it was hard, also my family was being racist (which is totally irrelevant but it still pisses me off how they got mad at me cussing but it's cool for them to just fucking say the n-word) (assholes)
then last summer, 2022, my dad texted me that my grandfather (his dad, obvs) was dying and he had like 24hrs. not enough time for me to have gotten up there to see him, so dad told me to call and then put me on speaker phone and i said my goodbyes to him that way. i'm crying thinking of it now, hardest fucking phone call i ever made.
and then i got fucking covid so i couldn't even go to the funeral, and my mom. this person. she makes a guilt-trip post on fb because both of my brothers could make it and i couldn't, and she's convinced she will never see all 3 of us together again (and she never ever lets us forget it) because two of us live at literal opposite ends of the country - PNW and florida, and the one who lives up there is in the northeastern part of the country so it's like almost as far away as you can possibly triangulate 3 people in the continental US. and it was like wow mom fuck you, like i wouldn't have come up if i didn't have LITERAL FUCKING COVID, no i was not going to drive 1200 miles or infect an entire fucking airport, i'm not an asshole. and also i just felt like pure crap, tbh. like physically.
anyway.
i'm struggling. i know that he wants to see me. he called me, when i sent the blanket (which some of you might remember, (this post: https://www.tumblr.com/aksannyi/722322909005299712/aksannyi-my-grandma-passed-in-1993-october-to?source=share) and he said how much he misses me and wants to see me because he knew then that his time was running short. it's very hard for me to get up there, and i generally just don't like it up there due to a number of factors (completely unrelated to him, but definitely related to other family members, like my mom and a psychotic aunt and several shitty uncles) and just the damn drama of everything that goes on up there that i moved away from for a damn reason.
and i'm like. i should go. i know objectively i should go. i should go because it's the least i could do for him, the one thing i can actually do that would make him happy. like fuck my mom, fuck my brothers, fuck my aunts/uncles and the entire goddamn stupid small town i'm from, just to see him. but the problem is that i wouldn't just be seeing him, and i don't want to Deal With Them. all of them. collectively.
(and also i don't wanna see him like that... when i went to see grandma, she had been on the decline for years. she wasn't fully coherent, didn't always recognize me. every time i went up there while she was still alive i assumed it'd be the last time i'd see her)
(my dad's dad, on the other hand, knew me right up to the end. he'd be absolutely thrilled to see me. every time. but he was also in his upper 90s and so i also had made peace with the fact that he wasn't gonna be around that much longer)
and like it isn't like i didn't know this was coming, like i'm not stupid, obviously. he's had a lot of health issues, mom would text us about his doctors diagnoses and shit so we knew it was coming. he's 86 now. it was inevitable. and that's like. ok. i have made peace with that. but i'm struggling now with this incredible guilt because i don't want to go.
i can afford it. it'll be tight but i can manage it. i can do a whirlwind weekend trip. i'll be tired as shit for work next week but whatever, wouldn't be the first time. but i just. i don't want to. and that's what's fucking me up, it's that i don't want to and i feel like shit about it. because i know i should. and do i suck all that shit up and just Deal With It dot com...??? i do, don't i. i need to. fuck me, this sucks ass.
well if you read all of this and you have any advice or anything i guess feel free, i just needed to kinda get this out and deal with it. i know either way i'll be fine, but like do i really wanna deal with my mother fucking guilt tripping me for the rest of her life (and probably mine bc she'll fucking haunt me when she goes istg) ugh. ugh ugh ugh ugh uGH. ugh.
ok fine whatever time to look at flights (it is too far to drive unless i take time off work and ngl i will need my sick days, for like actual sick days.)
#death tw#tw death#death#i hope this tagged enough for people to avoid triggers but if it didn't please send me a msg and i'll add whatever tags
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So tired
Another day, another struggle. I am so tired of being unwell. People without chronic illnesses have no idea how exhausting it is. I seem to function well - I wake up, I work full time, I do my chores. But at the same time I’ve had so many doctor appointments this year, I can’t even count them. And then this test, that test again. New meds, new doses, new symptoms, new side effects, so again - new tests, new doses...etc.
New things come every day and sometimes I don’t even know if I should care or just ignore them. How normal are these changes in my body? Do I have to be concerned or just accept that it’s my life for now?
And the doctors... they don’t even seem to care. Why is it me who has to know what to do and suggest tests and treatments? Aren’t they the ones who should know better?
I feel so fucking helpless. I wish someone could just test everything and tell me what to do without sending me to the next doctor, and the next, and the next. Without the meds that are supposed to “fix me” ruining other parts of my life.
And and the end somehow I am still the one to blame for everything - the weight gain, the lack of energy, lack of time, lack of social life, the symptoms, the struggle... I CAN’T SIMPLY PUSH THROUGH IT ALL.
We were not all given the same 24h a day - some of us have to spend so many of them at the clinics, trying to book appointments, trying to make sense out of all this. And now I am so overwhelmed by everything that any additional problem, no matter how small, sends me down spiraling.
Sometimes the only thing that keeps me from ending it all, is the knowledge, that I still couldn’t enjoy the peace of being fine (for once), because there wouldn’t be me anymore. But if I learned at some point that I don’t have much time left to live, sometimes I think, that maybe I’d feel more relieved than scared. I am scared of non-existence. I am scared of death. But I am also scared of living like that.
Probably the worst thing though is the loneliness. I know I am not the only one in the world with similar struggle. I know, that there are people, who understand. But nobody around me does. My friends, my family - they may empathise, but they don’t know how incredibly soul-crushing it is. And I usually don’t even try to explain, because I don’t want them to get tired of my constant complaining. So I am just suffering alone, trying to shift my focus onto things I can influence. It is just so difficult. So tiring.
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After much trial and error I started going to sleep at around 5 am and waking up around 1pm instead of trying to wake up in the morning. While not being chronically sleep deprived improved my life a lot, the fact that everything is closed or closing by the time I fully wake up is a huge problem for me.
Like I just tried to use my GP's online form submission tool but it's closed. I tried to do this at like 15:10. The actual building closes at 20:00. If I'm using the online form obviously I am not well enough to go there in person so like what the fuck
Now I know society in general doesn't give a shit about people with sleep disorders or in my case what is probably OCD, but like what about everyone working the night shift??
There don't need to be 24h shops and non emergency medical care or libraries or the like everywhere (I mean it would be nice but probably infeasible) but like could there be ones that are open from like 16:00 to midnight at least. That's reasonable I think. Even people who don't work night shifts would probably benefit from not having to use leave days to go to the doctor.
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Things are getting bad again
I smoke too much weed in my free time
I stay clean while I work
Those 24h shifts
It's like my home overwhelms me
It's like life is just too much
Im on my way to work right know, and I feel this anxiety that's tastes like weed withdrawal but I don't mind. I dream of joints and forgetting while I'm procrastinating the documentation of my last shift. You are at home, struggling to paint the bathroom. It was me who ordered the paint, it was me who started this, it was me that mentioned a time frame in which we have do the kitchen, it was me solving the problems we encountered. You helped. I wrote you that I feel bad, you said you wished that you could do something to help me
But I'm just overwhelmed and dissociating all the time. You don't even know about my ritalin (that does not help anymore for some fucking reason). I want to be held by a strong person. Mommy or daddy I don't care but you are neither. You're my cat boy.
This might be preverbal trauma, the urge to dissociate into a fantasy world instead of living irl. I know that I have trauma like that, and I can clearly remember how I used to do this as a child.
And now I'm all grown up. Buying kitchens, working my job, painting the walls and wondering about what kind of sofa well get. I don't want to adult this week, this month, this year. My supervisor is talking about making me his assistant.
I just want to be held down until I stop moving, by someone that cares about me. Feel them comforting me again and again until I'm no longer upset.
That's the fantasy I flee into, I've been doing this all my life. I'm 26, turning 27 soon. My suicidal thoughts are back I feel like I'm constantly screaming on the inside.
Today I entered the main station and nearly cried from all the noise. That's a bad sign, usually I can handle it better. Ironic that going to work will clam me because it's less noise, less chaos and comforting in a weird kind of way. The roses, the flowers, cooking for the kids... damn this time I brought clay so me and the kids can try it.
At home there's chaos, budgets, things to do, things to buy, things to build. Sharing a desk with you, cooking in an improvised kitchen, storing things in boxes instead of cupboards. I can hear your every move cause the walls are so thin. There's stuff everywhere because we have nothing to put it into. My plants are a pile of suboptimally placed pots instead of the beautiful arrangement I had back home.
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So like
I'm slowly but steadily gaining back the slightly impressive (for me) weight i had managed to lose and keep off from summer 2017 to a little bit before my graduation in early 2022. It was a huge deal for me, cause it was ten kilos of university depression and anxiety and bad, bad bad habits and patterns (read: bingeing). I remember it started when i picked up a skateboard, and i just loved it so much i would spend all of my free time shoving the board around and sweating and sweating and sweating. Sometimes I'd get woken up at 6 am by shooting pain in my knees cause i wasn't a teenage boy and my joints hated me, and i didn't care. I remember realizing I'd been trying to "lose weight" my entire life and now it was happening just like that, and i was having fun doing it. It was a slow change, until people started noticing all at once.
Now, I've been noticing the steady climb since a little bit before my graduation, when i stopped training muay thai. I've gone above 80 again, the thing i promised myself I'd never do again. It wasn't so much about the number, more so about the way i felt back then, back at 85/86. I know I'm a completely different person now, i know. Some of those thoughts i will never, ever have again, even if I'm tempted to. No matter how shitty and fatphobic i feel towards myself these days, i know I've gained a basic, sturdy amount of self love that will shut that shit up.
But it is hard, and it is affecting my mood, day in and out. And yeah, okay, I'm also the buffest I've been in my arms since i was actually competing in fights.......and yet.
And with the added weight comes the dismorphia and with that........comes the disphoria. And summer is so, so close. And I really don't wanna feel all of......that.
But i also just can't bring myself to restrict my intake. I'm already working out plenty, I'm fit and I'm functional and I'm flexy and i just want to eat and sleep all of the time cause adult life fucking S U C K S and my job is so fucking draining and why the fuck would i make myself even more miserable by denying myself food. I'm not completely free from emotional eating, okay, but I'm not bingeing anymore either. I've come so far with my relationship with food and my body but this......still feels like the most dreadful progression of events in the whole wide world to my brain and i HATE IT. I hate that i can have such mean thoughts about this healthy, functional, loving body of mine. I hate that i can't appreciate it like it deserves.
Maybe it's just that my period's coming, idk. Maybe it's that I've been feeling a little disphoric first, and then all of the other things. I don't know. I wish I had all the time and energy i used to have when i was still a student to think about these things better. Articulate. But no bitch it's already half past midnight and i got a 24h shift tomorrow so fuck my drag right
I can't wait for my last shift godfucking damnit
#big huge gigantic weight rant#theres numbers and mentions of disordered eating and thoughts about that#it's not entirely cogent and it's not very well written but i needed to get it out
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repeat
It's currently 3am and I'm going through old photos. Whenever I look back on time periods, especially through photos, I feel sad + happy. Sad because I'll never be that girl again but happy that I got that experience. I used to be so impulsive and fun. But fun in a way that was mysterious. There were so mnay situatoins that I found myself in that just seemed way too crazy. 30 year old me would never do the things that young 20s me would. Here are some examples!
1) Meeting a random man in Seville. Talking to him. Spending the whole day at the park with him. Staying over his place and going out for croissants and hot chocolate in the morning.
2) Flying across the country to stay a week with someone that I haven't seen in 5 or so years.
3) Sleeping with a dad who had two children lol
4) Walking the streets of Portland alone at 2am and finding a random 24h coffee shop to stay in until it was time for my early flight the next morning.
5) Befriending a newspaper guy in Barcelona who I saw almost every day for the 3 weeks I was there. And said hello to!
6) All of the solo walks I would do in the most random places.
7) Talking to three guys at once lol.
8) Driving an hour or so north to meet with some guy who seemed way more interesting virtually.
Honestly. Main character energy. I miss it a lot. Every time I think of people that are in that stage of their life, I'm almost envious. But I also hope that they're living exactly like they want to be. It's so interesting that I ended up on this side of the fork.
In an alternate life, I would probably be living in Barcelona or somewhere in Europe. Married/dating someone European and teaching English in whatever country I wound up in. Truly a free spirit.
Instead, I chose the stable life. Which is equally as satisfying. It's the mature route. I am officially a nurse and working on a surgical acute floor and I love it. I'm making the money that I deserve for the work ethic that I have. I'm so so so lucky. I was reading the last post I wrote on here and I mentioned the application for Sharp that I applied for. It's fucking wild to think that I got that job. Manifesting works so much. And I think that's why I can be content about my choices. I know that if I wanted to, I could definitely leave everything and pursue the other fork in the road. Literally nothing is impossible in this life.
Arthur recently got a job with United and i'm so stoked because I'm hoping that a little bit of that impulsive Camille comes back.
The biggest "issue" I've been grappling with has been children. 30 is here. This is the decade that I decide if I want kids. And that's fucking terrifying. Not even a decade really. Half a decade. I have 3-5 years of being able to live my life before I fully have to decide. The thought is debilitating to be honest. But there are times where I do get baby fever. I'd love to care for a little mini me. And I know i'd probably be good at it in the beginning. Or just in general because of my understanding spirit. But the idea of childbirth is a fucking mindfuck. Like...... another human literally comes out of this tiny hole and I'm stuck with it for the rest of my life. Having my dogs and committing all this time to them have definitely been an eye opener for me. Having kids officially ends that old era of Camille and starts a completely new one where I'm a mom. So wild that women do this every day.
Anyway. It's now 330. I work night shifts so staying up late has been actually great. Very shocked to say that considering how nervous I was about nightshift originally.
I think it's time for bed though lol.
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Title: do you get deja vu?
Summary: Peter saves the world, but Michelle never remembers him.
@i-lovethatforme I 100% wrote this because I am still traumatized by THAT scene
PART 1 ... PART 4 – PART 5
Felicia and Michelle are home. Peter can hear their quiet giggles and there's maybe a moan. He doesn't want to think about what they're up to, and he really doesn’t want to be there. But he’s crazy tired. He hasn’t been home in days, and he’s mentally and physically beat up. He's been fighting crime and sleeping at the 24h library instead of at home. The librarians think he's homeless.
Without Michelle he practically is.
The door slams shut before he can walk back out.
“Babe, where are you going?” he hears Felicia ask through the walls of Michelle's room.
“Chill. I just want to say hi. I haven’t seen him in a couple days, and he hasn’t been responding to my texts.”
He hears Felicia groan, and Michelle comes out of her bedroom as she’s putting on a shirt. Even in his tiredness he can't help but take a look at her long legs. He's too tired to stop himself from remembering what they felt like wrapped around him.
She catches him staring. She always does.
“Peter, hey! Are you okay?” she says anyways, with more energy and kindness than he would ever be able to muster. Michelle is amazing.
“Fine.”
“Exams?” She asks, but there’s a look on her face like she’s not going to believe him regardless of what he says. If she’s the Michelle that he fell in love with, and he knows she is, she’s already figured out his tells and the fact that midterms for the engineering students ended two weeks ago.
“Yup,” he says anyways, obnoxiously and with a pop to his p.
“Cool. That’s cool." It's not. It's the furthest thing from cool. He hates lying to her, hates that she can never know the truth. "Anyways, glad to see you’re surviving. There’s leftover pizza from our dinner if you want.” She gives an awkward little wave before she goes back inside her room. Does she know she picked that up from him?
He rushes to his room, desperate to find his noise cancelling headphones so he can pass the fuck out or at least pretend he can’t hear them through their shared wall.
He’s changing out of his clothes and about to climb into bed when he hears Michelle say sternly, “Stop it, Felicia.”
He sits on top of his covers at the end of his bed, knowing he should stop listening. It's none of his business. Felicia made sure that it wasn't.
“Come on MJ, we don’t have to stop because your roommate is a clam jammer.”
He can practically hear Michelle rolling her eyes. She loves lame jokes like that.
“It’s just weird. His room is right there and our walls are so thin.”
“So what?”
Michelle sighs, she's getting exasperated now. “So what? I don’t want to be a jerk.”
“Why? ‘Cause you like Peter?” Felicia sounds like she’s between teasing her and actually getting annoyed.
“What? No! Why would I like him? Are you twelve?”
What’s left of his heart is pulverized into powder. He should just go to bed before his soul is pounded into dust too.
“He likes you, you know.”
“Yeah, I mean, he’s always staring, of course I know.”
And he’s tried to stop, he has. But his eyes are always tracking where she is. He can’t help it. He loves her.
“Might as well give him a little show then.”
His heart is lodged in his throat, he thinks he might puke it out.
“Stop it Fel, I don’t like this.”
Peter is two seconds from breaking into Michelle’s room and forcing them apart. He tries to calm himself down. She doesn’t know him. She’s not his. She’s not anybody’s. She can take care of herself. He cannot just go around acting like he loves her.
It’s not fucking working.
“Come on Kitty, don’t be a prude.”
He hears rustling. He really, really needs to stop listening.
“A prude?" Her voice is rising, into that panicky angry voice that she has when she's upset. "What the hell? Is that what you’re going to call me every time I don’t want to do something with you?”
“MJ, it’s not like that.” Felicia scoffs, and he’s done it enough times to know it’s the wrong thing to do.
“Then why did you say it?” Michelle huffs, her temper is reaching her limit. “Look, I’m not in the mood anymore. Maybe you should just go home.”
“Are you serious?” Felicia’s voice is getting high pitched, and she’s talking faster. “I’m leaving tomorrow for two weeks. We should talk about this.”
“Later.”
“Michelle,” Felicia’s pleading now. No response. He hears Felicia jumping out of Michelle's bed.
“This is what you always do!" Felicia's voice rapidly shifts to angry. "You just freaking shut down. And you wonder why it’s so freaking hard to love you.” It’s a low blow, but Michelle doesn’t rise to it. And she shouldn’t. Michelle is incredibly easy to love, but for some reason she doesn’t think so. “Fine. Whatever. If this is how you’re always going to be, don’t bother calling me while I’m in Chicago.”
He hears her bedroom door slamming and then the front door. He waits a moment before knocking on Michelle’s door.
“Hey, I heard yelling. Are you okay?”
“Just leave me alone Parker,” she mutters through the door. It’s quiet enough that he might have missed it if he didn’t have super hearing. Then the quiet crying started.
He’s never hated anyone before, beyond himself for being a dumbass and ruining what he had with Michelle, but he thinks he might hate Felicia for hurting Michelle like this.
He leans against the door and slides to the ground. He’ll have to get up sometime; she’ll eventually fall asleep and wake up to get ready. But he thinks maybe this is one of those times where you just have to stay down.
PART 6
#spideychelle#minor michellexfelicia#inspired by the monsters creep into your house#maybe two more parts of angst before the not-angst
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Welcome to Chandelier does another fucking prompt list!!!!
And it’s in addition to consistent story uploads. Y’all gonna get something at 9am everyday of June, and something at a random time later in the afternoon.
This time I'm using @crowfootwrites' June List
Day 1: Suit
*A note to Crow. Hello! I am an MCYT Writer. Feel free to stop by my tagging of your whenever you feel like it.
Set in a Villain AU created by @olde-scratch
their original post
If anyone wants to be part of a taglist of the Villain AU, feel free to message me/send an ask.
Taglist: @sleepysnails
“Klupa” means “Bench” btw, I just tossed it through Google Translate.
-----------------------------
Hero Report
Page 1
Date: June 1st, 2021
Hero Reporting: Nightmare
Patrol Time: 22:00 to 6:00
Had a run in with one of the Klupa boys, they were at the 24h Cupcakery on 6th street, and were harassing the employ, Nihachu, for something to eat. I spared Theseus twenty bucks and told them to keep the change. They even bought me a cupcake before I went on my way.
Does anybody know their real world identities yet? They look on the young side; I’d rather nothing bad happens to them. It hurts to see kids so young needing to resort to petty crime to survive.
I also bumped into SBI. They picked up their deposit left by 404 in the prior patrol. I managed to grab the briefcase, but the money was already taken and presumably dispersed among the men. I wasn’t able to apprehend them.
I got close to Burr but he let go of the briefcase to get away. And The Blade proceeded to smoke me, so I wasn’t able to give chase. But I was able to retrieve some of the money back, and they are one smoke bomb poorer.
The rest of the night was uneventful. I stopped a robbery on 9th Street.
[CONT]
- - -
Time: 21:30, May 31st, 2021
Tommy was having a good day. 404 had made good on his promise. He had left a briefcase with one million dollars in the homeless shelter’s food stores.
Tommy had watched 404 come in and leave it. The personal information Tubbo had managed to siphon was good enough blackmail to get them this. Ranboo hadn’t actually ever gotten a buyer lined up, but it was the threat that counts.
“How much are we leaving again?”
“Twenty-five hundred thousand.”
Tommy dropped to the floor once the coast was clear and unzipped his backpack. He separated out three quarters of the cash and left the briefcase right there.
“Do we have to leave it?” Ranboo asked over the frequency. “We could really use that money.”
“You know if we weren’t so charitable we wouldn’t need the extra cash.”
“Shut up man.”
“I’m just saying.” Tommy takes out a fresh smoke bomb, and places it next to the money. “Do you ever feel back for those guys?”
“Who? The Sleepy Bois? No not really.”
“But like. What did they ever do?”
“Nothing.”
“Exactly! Why do they get all the credit?”
“Because we’re orphaned high schoolers,” Tubbo said dryly. “Because if we aren’t even on the suspect list then we aren’t gonna get caught.”
“Okay,” Tommy relented. “But those are like, super incompetent, what’s our plan when they finally get caught?”
Silence washed over the comms as Tommy yoinked a bag of chips and got out of there.
“Is keeping the three of them out of jail even worth it?”
“Yes,” Tubbo said. “It’s worth it. Investing in their safety is beneficially to us.”
“Okay. I’ll meet you guys at the Cupcakery. Theseus out.”
Time: 22:47, May 31st, 2021
Tubbo and Ranboo are in the Cupcakery on 6th Street when Tommy walks in knives out. “I want a French chocolate swirl lady!”
Niki took a moment to process the demand. Here she was having a lovely conversation with two of her most favourite late night customers, and now the third was threatening her with a knife. “Excuse me?”
“French chocolate swirl. Hand it over. I’m in the mood for some sweets. Don’t make me ask twice!”
Niki finally put her hands up. Tubbo and Ranboo were in their civilian clothing and played the part of worried shoppers. “Do you have money?” she asked, scared.
“I have a knife.”
And that was the moment a hero walked into the building.
Ah.
Tommy had spotted Nightmare on the way here.
“Theseus.”
Tommy whirled around. Backing into the counter, acting more scared than he actually was.
“What are you doing kid?” Nightmare asked exasperated.
“M’ not a kid!”
“Yeah yeah.” Nightmare was already reaching into the back pocket for his wallet. He took about a crisp twenty. “Put the knife away kid. Buy yourself the cupcake.”
“Oh.” Tommy reached out for the twenty; eyes shifting looking around for the trap. He had a 750k ransom in his backpack, and there was always a chance Nightmare had found them out. Even with the SBI decoy. He snatched the cash. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome kid. Stop harassing Niki here, and keep the change.”
“Yeah. Okay.”
Nightmare, clearly satisfied with his diffusion of the situation, nodded to Niki.
“Would you like a cupcake?”
“Excuse me?”
“Nevermind.”
“I mean if you’re offering.”
“Two French chocolate swirls please!”
Niki pulled out two cupcakes stiffly and took the twenty. She put them and the change on the counter.
Nightmare tipped an invisible hat to Niki before leaving. “Think you’re suit needs some dry cleaning Theseus.”
“Because I can afford it!” Tommy bantered back. The door bell rung as the hero left. “Oh of these days my comments are going to get me killed, I know. Shush Tubbo.” Tommy lowered his green bandana and took a bite of his cupcake. “Sorry for pulling a knife on you Niki.”
“It’s fine. I know you won’t hurt me.”
“What the fuck Tommy!”
“Oh shut up Tubbo. I had it under control.”
“You’re going to be our downfall,” Ranboo said.
“You guys are the ones telling Niki!”
“Yeah but it’s Niki.”
“Yeah Tommy. I’m just Niki.”
“You’re right that was rude. I’m sorry Niki.”
Niki took out a cloth and wiped Tommy’s crumbs away. “You boys get home. Isn’t it a school night?”
The three fourteen year olds groaned.
“Bye Niki.”
“Don’t get caught.”
Tommy handed Ranboo his backpack.
Tubbo and Ranboo packed their homework into Tubbo’s backpack and their loose stationary with the money in Ranboo’s. They waved to Niki and walked back to their shotty little apartment.
Tommy put his bandana over his mouth and nose, and readjusted his red blazer. He left through the front door back towards the trade cite. He was needed to save SBI’s assess from Nightmare.
He flicked his steel throwing cards around his hands. He hoped it’ll go well. He needed this to go well.
- - -
Time: 23:00, May 31st, 2021
Wilbur read the instructions he had written on the inside of this arm one more time. “There is a briefcase with 250k. Disperse it among the three of you. When Nightmare arrives at 23:15 for the meeting time of 0:00, hold the briefcase and run like hell. You should have the money on your person, don’t let him catch any of you and ditch the briefcase if need be.”
“I still don’t get how we managed to get this money,” Philza said on the way to the homeless shelter’s food storage facility.”
“Don’t question it.”
“But, like, it said it was a ransom for blackmail. We don’t have any blackmail on anybody.”
“Don’t question it.”
“Guys can you focus? We have a mission to accomplish.”
“Techno, you gotta admit that we’re shit.”
“We are shit. But Nightmare doesn’t know that. And I’m not turning down 250k.”
- - -
Time: 23:58, May 31st, 2021
Shit. Tommy had need to graze Nightmare’s ankle with his ace of clubs for Burr to escape.
Nightmare was clearly put out that he hadn’t been able to catch the SBI. He left the storage facility empty briefcase in hand, and clearly put out.
Nightmare bent down and picked up the throwing card from under an aisle.
If there was one thing Tommy hated the most out of this whole, pretend the SBI are the ones doing the things that the Klupa Boys are doing, it’s that Burr gets credit for Tommy’s amazing feats.
“In case either of you are awake and on comms. The SBI had a clean escape, but I’m down a card.”
- - -
[CONT]
Notes: The SBI are still at large and are a danger to the people of Braidingston. Be advised that they might still ask for more money depending on the contents of their information. Order French chocolate swirls from the Cupcakery on 6th Street at the next office party.
#TommyInnit#Dreamwastaken#Tubbo#Ranboo#Nihachu#Wilbur Soot#Technoblade#Philza#Villain AU#Crowfoot List
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Diabolik Lovers VERSUS BONUS CD ー 24 HOURS [Shuu ver.]
Original title: 24H シュウ編
Source: Diabolik Lovers VERSUS BONUS CD [CD not owned by me]
Audio: Here
Seiyuu: Kousuke Toriumi
Translator’s note: I 100% went into this expecting to just laze around in bed with Shuu for 24 hours straight because sleeping seems to be the only thing he does at times. xD However, I do think the addition of going to a concert with him was kind of cute. It’s just nice to see the Vampires do regular ‘human stuff’. Aside from that, the CD was fairly enjoyable with some spicy moments mixed in here and there. Shuu really is that low-key pervert of the group.
Shuu ll Reiji ll Ayato ll Kanato ll Laito ll Subaru
15:00 ll 3 PM
ー Shuu tosses and turns around on the bed while grunting.
“Nn...Fuck. I can’t sleep. Why is it this hot!? ...Huh!? Ah. You...When did you get in here? No wonder it’s hot. There’s two of us after all. You might enjoy clinging onto me like that, but to me it’s nothing but a bother.”
ー He sighs.
“Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll have to punish you for waking me up. Hehe. Well then...You’ll behave, right?”
16:00 ll 4 PM
“Haa...Because of you it only got hotter and in the end, I couldn’t sleep at all. Oh well. I actually wanted to head out of the house today so waking up early isn’t that bad. Consider yourself lucky, I’m in a good mood right now.”
ー He shifts over.
“ーOi! Are you even listening? You look dazed...Well, I guess that’s only normal after having all those things done to you.”
17:00 ll 5 PM
ー Shuu sits up on the bed.
“Aah, guess I should start getting ready to head out soon. ー But it’s kind of bothersome. Usually I’d just like to laze around and listen to music all day long. But today I have to go somewhere no matter what.
Of course, you’ll tag along as well, right? You’re always being persistent about that kind of stuff so you must be interested in where I’m going.
18:00 ll 6 PM
ー Footsteps can be heard followed by the sound of a door being closed.
“Gosh...Going out is already bothersome on its own and on top of that we got caught. ー By the way, you should be a little more careful as well. Don’t you know already that getting caught by Reiji only leads to trouble? He just so happens to ‘love’ me after alll.
...Haha. Oh well, we made it outside for now. Next time something like that happens, you’re gonna take care of it, okay? If you use that blood of yours, you might even be able to trick that guy.”
19:00 ll 7 PM
ー People are talking in the background as they walk along.
“Where are we ー You ask? Huh? Are you actually an idiot? Can’t you tell just by looking, it’s a concert hall. Today there’s an orchestra from Vienna playing, so I managed to get my hands on some tickets.
Well...You’re barely even worthy of getting to hear such a beautiful composition, so you better be grateful. You’re glad to see this more assertive side of me, aren’t you? Come on. Say you’re happy. Hahaha...”
20:00 ll 8 PM
ー People are applauding in the background.
“Phew...That was a great performance. When it comes to classical music, Bach really is the best. Huh? What are you looking at? ...My face? Haha. Do you perhaps want to have your blood sucked right here?
I’m actually worked up right now because of the good music. I don’t mind. Our seats are attached (1), so I doubt anyone would notice. ー What are you waiting for? Come here. Let’s get this over with before the curtains open again. I was just getting hungry as well.”
21:00 ll 9 PM
ー Both of you are walking, on your way back home.
“You were too dazed during the second half to really pay attention, but it really was a formidable performance. Orchestras are really the best when enjoying them live. ー Hey! What are you dawdling around for? Your feet hurt? That’s because you forced yourself to wear heels even though you’re not used to them. You really are a foolish woman.”
ー He sighs.
“Guess we’ll take a short rest at the park over there. Don’t get the wrong idea. I just want to enjoy the night air a bit longer as well.”
22:00 ll 10 PM
ー Shuu grunts slowly while waking up.
“Nn...Oh. I must have dozed off...Are you okay now? Your feet. Come on, show them to me. ...Haha. They look horrible. Covered in blisters and bleeding a little. It hurts? I can imagine. ...Hah. I just thought of something good. Stick out your foot. I’ll lick it for you. Come on, hurry up.”
23:00 ll 11 PM
“How did it feel to have the wounds licked by me? To think you actually laid down and presented me your feet. You really are an erotic woman, huh? I already knew that though. I quite that side of you ー Shameful, vulgar and lewd. I just can’t bring myself to dislike women like you.”
24:00 ll 12 AM
“Haa...We have to return home soon. However, moving is too bothersome. If you were a guy, I’d ask you to carry me home but I realize that’s asking for too much. Guess it can’t be helped, I’ll get a move on. Come on, let’s go.”
ー The two of you start walking.
“What’s up with that way of walking? If you want to walk next to me, then keep up with my pace even if it hurts. If not, I’ll chop off those feet of yours.
01:00 ll 1 AM
ー They finally come to a halt.
“You sure did your best. Guess you really didn’t want your feet to get cut off. You were able to walk properly. You were actually walking like that on purpose to try and get my sympathy, weren’t you? You’re that kind of woman after all.”
ー You shake your head.
“...I’m wrong? Haha. You really aren’t honest. Oh well, I’ll leave it at that.”
ー Shuu pulls out his keys and opens up the door.
02:00 ll 2 AM
ー Both of you arrive at Shuu’s room.
“Phew...Somehow we managed to sneak back in without being noticed by Reiji, thank god. Good for you too. Huh? Didn’t I tell you? Next time we run into that guy, you’re gonna be the one stopping him with your blood. I know you’re head over heels for me. That’s why...I kind of want to see you get messed with by that guy. ー Just kidding, hahaha.”
03:00 ll 3 AM
“Today was really tiring. Oi, you. Take off my clothes, I want to take a bath soon. Of course, you’ll be the one doing everything, from taking off my clothes to putting me in the tub...Then use that body of yours to wash mine. I’ll give you special permission to do it. Doesn’t that make you happy? After all...You’re the biggest pervert.”
04:00 ll 4 AM
ー Shuu takes a seat.
“Haa...Because you took your sweet time, I ended up soaking for too long. (2) I feel lightheaded...Oi! Take responsibility! You’re the one who should be punished for this, right? Come here.”
ー You slowly step closer.
“Yeah, just like that...There’s no need to put on any clothes. Aah...I want your blood. Hurry up and crawl on top of me so you can offer me that thin neck of yours.”
05:00 ll 5 AM
ー Shuu shuffles around on the bed.
“What? You still want more after that? You sure are greedy. Being too greedy is dangerous, you know? I see. So you want to become one of us and devote both your soul and body to me, huh? ...But honestly, I actually prefer human women instead. Do your best to preserve your human nature so you don’t get thrown aside by me. Hahaha...”
06:00 ll 6 AM
“Haa...Mornin’ already? If I turn to ash because you wouldn’t me sleep, it’s your fault. Huh? You know that I won’t? Tsk. You aren’t being cute at all. You should at least say that you’re sorry...Do me a favor (3) and say ‘Naughty me wouldn’t let Shuu-san sleep’ at least.
07:00 ll 7 AM
ー The bed creaks as Shuu tosses around.
“Nn...Did I fall back asleep? Hah. She’s sleeping so peacefully. Hehe...Her body’s full of wounds. But this isn’t enough just yet. I have to put more and more...Mark her skin with my fangs. You really are a mysterious woman to be able to make me feel this way.”
08:00 ll 8 AM
“Ah...Shit. You really have a bad sleeping posture, huh? You sure have some guts to kick me. On top of that you won’t even wake up. Fine. I got it. I’ll give you a lecture while you’re asleep. You should just be loved by me even in your dreams. I’ll hammer more and more pleasure into you.”
9:00 ll 9 AM
ー Loud noises can be heard from downstairs.
“Are Ayato and Subaru the ones making such a fuss downstairs? They must be fighting again. God. They sure have a lot of energy. So bothersome. ーー Oi! You! Go and do something about those idiots downstairs. Don’t dawdle and get out already. If you manage to calm them down, I’ll give you a reward. Come on, hurry.”
10:00 ll 10 AM
ー The door opens and you walk in.
“So you’re finally back? Huh? What’s wrong with you, staggering along like that? Don’t tell me...You had those two suck your blood?
ー If you didn’t they wouldn’t keep quiet? Hahaha...You sure are a flirt. (3) But oh well, I got it. You did as much because you wanted to be rewarded by me, right? Fine by me. I’ll give you something so the marks those guys left behind seem like nothing.”
11:00 ll 11 AM
“She lost consciousness, huh? Guess I really overdid it this time. I’m also starting to feel dizzy from consuming so much of her blood...Haa...This is unlike me. I usually don’t get so serious. Even just lifting one finger is too bothersome at times, but when it comes to her, I’m not like myself. I wonder why?”
12:00 ll 12 PM
ー Shuu searches around the bed for you.
“Nn...Oi! Not here? Where are you? Ooii!”
ー You enter the room.
...Ah. Where have you been? What’s up with that face? Huh? Seeing me get all desperate was kind of cute? Tsk. Are you an idiot? I was just a little worried because my comfortable pillow had suddenly disappeared. Don’t get the wrong idea.”
13:00 ll 1 PM
ー Shuu tosses and turns around in the bed.
“Aah...Goddamnit. I can’t sleep anymore because of what happened earlier. Hey, you! Make me sleepy! ...Huh? You’ll sing a lullaby? Hah. You really are a fool. Can you really sing a song that will satisfy my ears? Even static noise is better than that.”
14:00 ll 2 PM
“ーAs expected, static noise would have been much better. Now I can’t sleep for sure. It’s your fault so you fix it. No more for today? As if I care. For you it might be impossible, but for me it isn’t enough just yet.
Besides...If you get bitten by me, you’ll get in the mood in no time, right? You’re such a greedy woman after all. Come on...Where should I start sucking this time? Hurry up and show me.”
Translation notes
(1) I listened to this part a couple of times but I’m pretty sure he’s saying ボックス席 which is a little booth for them to sit close to each other rather than having some space in between the two separate chairs.
(1) Baths in Japan are usually set to a pretty high temperature causing the bathroom to fog up. As a result, dizziness caused by staying in the tub for too long may occur.
(3) Shuu asks you for a サービス which comes from the English ‘service’ but is often used at restaurants, cafés, etc. to refer to as freebies or extra small services available to you. It is also often used in a more sexual context in which (usually) the female does something nice to please her partner.
(4) I used the word ‘flirt’ here but the first thing that popped up when I put the Japanese word into my online dictionnary was actually ‘bitch’ so I assume it is a not-so-nice way to refer to women who like to toy around with men.
#diabolik lovers#dialovers#shuu sakamaki#diabolik lovers drama cd#diabolik lovers translation#drama cd
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Oky I have more. Sorry.. Because of they're working on 25th 24h shift. Bobby give Eddie and Buck week off for new year. Eddie have surprise for his favorite Boys.. Disneyland!
Buck was so freaking excited. He couldn’t wait to show Christopher all the awesome rides, shops and attractions. Part of him still couldn’t believe that Eddie asked him to tag along. When Buck had opened the small envelope in his locker that had the tickets in it, he nearly had a small heart attack. Buck was pumped. Eddie had been shooting him small smirks the whole drive. When they got there Buck could feel the magic in the air. Christopher was smiling from ear to ear. It was amazing. Buck may have went a little overboard in the gift shops...spending way more then anyone should and by the looks Eddie was shooting him he knew he should stop but he couldn’t. Buck and Christopher were sporting the classic Mickey ears. Christopher got to meet his favorite Disney character, Aladdin. It was going so well. Until it wasn’t. Buck had noticed him straight away...Adrian. Of all the places...
“Evan?” Adrian called out as they were sitting on a bench so Christopher could rest a bit.
“Adrian. Hey, man. It’s nice to see you.” Buck lied through his teeth and Adrian smiled.
“You too. I mean what are the odds? We had our first date here.” Adrian smiled softly and Buck bit his lip to keep from saying anything hurtful.
Buck also felt Eddie tense next to him. Eddie gave him a look and Buck wanted the ground to swallow him. This is not how he wanted to come out as Bi to his best friend.
“Yeah. That was almost a decade ago, now.” Buck had only been 20 at the time.
Adrian smiled. “Yeah...Feels like a lifetime ago. The one that got away, am I right?” Adrian joked and Buck frowned. No...Definitely not.
“What are you doing here?” Buck asked nicely but was started to get a bit anxious.
“With my husband and our daughter. It’s family day.” Adrian gestured over to a man and a little girl waiting in line for Minnie Mouse.
Buck smiled. “Wow, congratulations! That’s really great, man.” Buck replied slightly relieved.
Adrian just nodded before dragging his eyes up and down Buck. “It’s a bit rocky... me and David.” Adrian told him as he eyed Buck.
Buck bit his lip. Un-fucking-believable.
“I’m sure you will work it out.” Buck tried to get him to walk away.
Adrian just smirked at him. “They are driving back tonight. I’m staying an extra day for business, if you wanted to...catch up.” Adrian trailed off with a small smirk.
“Pass.” Buck stated with slight annoyance and Adrian laughed.
“Always did play hard to get.” Adrian shot back when Buck felt an arm being thrown over his shoulder. Eddie.
“Pretty sure, he said he wasn’t interested.” Eddie stated firmly and Buck smirked.
Adrian looked between them and then at Christopher.
“Never took you for the type to settle down and start a family.” Adrian mused and Buck was offended.
“Look Aiden...” Eddie started. “Adrian.” Adrian corrected but Eddie pretended like he didn’t hear him.
“Buck isn’t interested in catching up so how about you go find your family and leave mine alone.” Eddie growled and Buck shivered at the sound.
Adrian looked tempted to argue for a second before taking in Eddie and thinking better of it. Adrian nodded and took off towards his husband.
“What a dic...donkey head.” Eddie caught himself as he looked down at Christopher.
Buck snorted. “Yeah, he broke my heart. Cheated on me more times that I could count.” Buck whispered and he felt Eddie rub small circles into his shoulder.
“How anyone could go looking elsewhere when they already have perfection is beyond me.” Eddie muttered and Buck blushed.
--
Buck was still feeling a bit down as they made their way to the wishing fountain. Christopher smiled up at him.
“What are you going to wish for, Bucky?” Christopher asked and Buck smiled softly.
“I don’t need to wish for anything. I have you and that’s all I could ever wish for.” Buck told him ruffling his hair.
Buck looked over at Eddie and saw that Eddie was staring at him with his mouth slightly agape.
Buck rolled his eyes and threw in his coin. Christopher and Eddie followed suit. Buck leaned against the well and Eddie got up into his personal space. Buck raised an eyebrow at him.
“Help me make my wish come true?” Eddie asked and Buck frowned but nodded.
Eddie smiled and leaned in. Eddie kissed him gently and Buck nearly fell back into the well from the surprise but Eddie gripped him tight by the hips to steady him. Buck lost himself in the kiss and when Eddie pulled away, Buck chased after him earning a chuckle.
“Thanks for the help.” Eddie smiled and Buck blushed.
“You didn’t need to waste your wish on me, man.” Buck mumbled and Eddie grabbed him by the chin.
“I would waste a thousand wishes if it meant that I get to have you as my husband one day.” Eddie told him seriously and Buck’s breath caught.
“Are you proposing after one kiss?” Buck teased and Eddie rolled his eyes.
“Shut up!” Eddie mumbled before giving him one more kiss.
Christopher cheered and Buck laughed before picking him up.
“I told you Disney land was magical.” Buck whispered and looked over at Eddie with nothing but hope and love in his eyes and was ecstatic to see it be returned,.
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Episode 4 - Meng Yao has a crush & Foxglove likes to babble
Hello everybody, welcome to episode 4. I slept like a baby last night, but I have a migraine so I may sound a bit incoherent. (Post episode Foxglove here, I’m not incoherent in this, I’m just ranty)
Poor WWX. Funny story, during my first? Second? Year of Med School I fell aspleep on my biophysics notes during exam period, woke up at 9pm when my alarm for my meds started ringing, realised what I’d done and called my mum (who was on a 24h shift at the hospital) crying. In hindsight is hilarious because I had something like two weeks until the exam so I lost no more than a few hours but oh well.
Full disclosure here: I don’t like the Lan sect, LXC, LWJ and the Ducklings excluded I think they’re a bunch of hypocrites. You can’t call yourself righteous and boast about your almost 4000 rules and then shrug when people decide to commit genocide.
Also, 4000-ish rules? Fuck that noise, there’s a post floating around here where some amazing soul translated what they could see of the Wall of Rules and yeah, some of them are in the “don’t be an asshole, don’t hurt yourself or others” vein which, absolutely fair. But things like “dress properly” who are you to tell me what and how I cover my body with? “Don’t be promiscuous” wow thanks for the slut shaming my dudes. “Don’t smile foolishly/don’t smile too much”, “sit properly”, “don’t be too sad”, “don’t be too happy”. You’re telling me these are rules, not guidelines, not common sense stuff. RULES. You’re telling me people get punished for grinning or crying. Fuck off mate.
And we can’t forget the golden example of hypocrisy “Don’t talk to Wei Wuxian” so much for “don’t speak ill of others”.
Is my Western Girl showing? I’m sorry, I’m from Spain and I was raised by the guidelines “don’t be an asshole, don’t hurt yourself or others, don’t take anyone’s bullshit, live and let live, have courage and be kind, we will always love and support you” so some stuff in here is very very grating. I don’t have enough knowledge about the culture to discern if it is because of my modern sensibilities or because my culture is so different.
Oooooohhh I don’t like birds. I mean, I love crows, ravens and birds of prey to an unhealthy degree, but they keep their distance. The other day a pigeon flew into my building and decided that my (very dark) doorstep was the place to have a rest. I screamed like a banshee.
Hey, those two assholes at the back, get the fuck out of here.
LXC protective mode activated.
You will never convince me Meng Yao did not develop a monster crush right then and there.
Oh no. It’s this asshole.
Oh WangJi about to cut a bitch.
Drag him WWX.
MY’s protective mode activated.
And LXC is too done with this shit. Yep, NHS also thinks MY got a massive crush.
WQ aka Qishan Wen’s only braincell.
It’s the One Braincell Trio!
Notice me sempai! Omg JC’s faces.
This is where I dump all my canon-divergence AUs:
Meng Yao stays in Cloud Recesses. He and LXC keep gazing longingly into each other’s eyes.
NHS introduces him to the other two from the One Braincell Trio. WWX takes one look at him and goes “yep, you’re my friend now, I’m kneecapping anybody who fucks with you.” Because there’s no way he wouldn’t be sympathetic to MY after his own childhood (omg, both of them drunk, making terrible gallows’ humour jokes about living poor and mostly homeless while JC and NHS just listen horrified). JC goes into overprotective bro mode with MY. I mean, he still can’t emote for shit but he’s made very very sure that he will cut a bitch for MY and at least he knows MY has a brain, not like someone else he knows.
Shijie makes friends with MY because Shijie is a goddess and MY is so confused because how the hell does someone so kind exist? And she wants to be friends? And she doesn’t care at all about his past? What? MY.exe has stopped working.
Maybe JZX gets his head out of his ass and goes to talk to MY and warn him about what an asshole JGS is, because I refuse to think JZX doesn’t know it. Maybe MY hears him disparaging Shijie and decides that nope, the Jins can fuck right off every single one of them is a rude idiot; it’s ok with him because of his parentage (it’s not ok) but no one touches Shijie. The Yunmeng sibs is where it is at.
And that’s when he unleashes his full Slytherin powers on behalf of his new family. Because he does indeed have a fully functioning brain and shit is going to get really ugly really fast for all the people he loves if he doesn’t try and mitigate the damage somehow.
(A lot of mutual XiYao pinning is going on in the background because I live for the angst ok. LWJ fully approves of him as a brother-in-law tho)
A lot of terrible shit still happens because this is my AU and I want pain, but not only does JGS not have MY’s enormous brain on his side when he tries to seize power, he’s actively working against him (you can’t tell me MY wouldn’t get the kick of his life publicly bringing down and exposing his terrible father).
I’m sorry, back to the commentary.
This two idiots omg.
It’s WQ! Drag him WQ (gently)
I’m going to channel my ballet teacher here for a second: put your hair up! (You bunch of spider crabs, as she would call us)
I mean, JC’s hair is clearly in his face when he’s doing drills and, while the visual of all that dark hair whipping in the wind with the robes (another beef I have, they look like they’d catch on everything) is very dramatic I can assure you it’s fucking annoying. Plus it limits your visual field a lot. Again, I know jack about the culture and people can fly on swords here so why am I complaining about hair but let me live.
I used to have that much hair (then I got a pixie, now I’m growing it back out) and smacking yourself on the face with your own braid hurts.
Shijie knows what’s up with Jiang “I can only show anger” Cheng.
My one track mind when I saw the fish: Anisakis!
I think I would absolutely become a vegetarian if I got dropped in the past tbh. Not only is there no quality control of animal products (hello Trichinella), there’s also no way to do a proper cold storage (hello Salmonella). I’ve read and seen to many horror stories due to contaminated animal byproducts and, while vegetables pose their own risk (hello E. Coli) usually you only have to be thorough at washing and peeling to not have trouble.
5am wake up call without coffee. Fuck that noise.
Wei “I’m a petty gremlin” Wuxian.
I once called WWX a “mad scientist with ADHD” on an AO3 comment and I stand by that assessment.
Ok, but why the turtle caricature? It’s because turtles are “old and wise” like LQR? Is that the joke? Or are they laughing at WWX’s balls?
AW NO PAPERMAN.
“Tell me, what would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood? // Where, would you look if I asked you to get me a bezoar? // And what is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?” It’s pretty much the same energy. LQR is Ancient magic China’s version is Severus Snape down to the pettiness. He tries to catch WWX in a mistake, and when he can’t he dismisses his knowledge (look at Shijie’s face when he says WWX should not be proud to know what he does). He keeps pushing until WWX’s runs into a wall, then uses LWJ to “show him how it’s done” I mean, look how smug he looks and how uncomfortable everyone else is.
“Pity... clearly, fame isn't everything.”
(No, I don’t like LQR and I don’t like Severus Snape either; tragic past and sacrifices do not give you a pass to abuse children don’t @ me, I’m not interested in changing my mind)
And here is where all my “mad scientist with ADHD” hc stem from.
“No screaming in Cloud Recesses.” Screams LQR (yes, I’m 100% that bitch)
WEN NING IS HERE HI WN YOURE SO PRECIOUS.
But intercepting an arrow mid flight is some Geralt of Rivia Witcher bullshit right there.
Detective Wei strikes again.
The scenery is gorgeous my god.
Can we talk again about how this 16-year-old boy reacted to someone sneaking up on him by drawing his sword and attacking? That’s not fucking normal, that’s a common reflex in soldiers or people with PTSD.
(The Netflix translation has him calling LWJ “WangJi” and I die)
Thanks for reading!
#the untamed#cql#mdzs#mdzs live action#foxglove watches cql#foxglove watches the untamed#commentary#Foxglove rants#foxglove babbles#wei wuxian#wangxian#lan wangji#meng yao#lan xichen#jin guanyao#xiyao#episode 4
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"are you stupid or stupid?" "I don't need this right now." For harringrove because we talked the other day how the Duffers were wrecking Steve's Character and I need some angst, okay? Like maybe his fucking dad had actually told Steve he was stupid the night before, so hearing it again the next day is Ouch 😭 - dead-night
YOU KNOW I FEEL YOU!!! they’re destroying our boy.
hope this is sort of what you expected, babe, thanks for asking
(this is on AO3 too!)
.
Steve doesn't think about college. Doesn't think about how even fucking Clueless Carol is going away at the end of summer while he's stuck behind the counter of a freaking ice cream parlor, dressed in a sailor costume, slinging ice cream to kids with brighter futures than his ever longed to be.
He doesn't think about it, and if he ever does, he eats a spoonful of ice cream big enough to give himself brain freeze.
The thing is, he's endured a lot of crap from the adults in his life ever since he can remember. Steve wasn't the kid who always had a book under his arm or the one who could stack blocks the highest. He hated algebra with all his might. He always lost at Jenga. World history was too complicated to remember the details.
But, you know what? It's fine. We can't all be brains, Tommy had barked once, a long time ago, when Steve found he was failing Math that year. Some people are good with numbers and some are good at killing monsters with nailed bats.
It's fine.
Except that it isn't, because even though he's out of high school now and doesn't have to face the look of disappointment in his teachers's faces, he still has to put up with his dad's expectations---the ones he could never fulfill. While his parents are almost always out of town, they seem to have become more aware of the fact that when they go away, Steve's left alone and what with all the deaths of the past couple of years, they've started to show up more frequently. So sometimes he'll come home from Scoops to find his mom setting the table and the stink of his dad's cigar all over the place because he doesn't know to smoke outside like a reasonable person. And these dinners almost always end with his dad throwing in his face how much of a failure he is.
His mind is still buzzing with You're wasting your fucking life with those kid friends of yours and We expected more from our only son and even You know, it's a good thing your aunt got married after all because we can't let the Harrington name die on a disgrace like you, when he parks into the pool lot after a whole day at Scoops. He can barely remember what he did the entire time he was at work.
The sun is setting somewhere behind him and it bathes Billy Hargrove's body in a kind of warm light that makes his skin look like actual gold. Over the last month, since summer rolled around and they all started with these shitty jobs, Hargrove's tan has become noticeably darker, almost as dark as it had been when he moved in from California. He seems to take a lot of pride on that, wandering around with even less clothes, because somehow that's possible---not that Steve minds it. It's just tonight he's a little too far away in his own thoughts to really appreciate the view.
His hair is still dripping wet when Billy leans onto the driver's window of Steve's BMW. He's grinning; the heat of his skin radiates into the car.
"Would you look at what the tide brought in," he jokes, tonguing at his lips. "What can I do for you, sailor?"
Steve tries to laugh at his flirting, but it goes past him.
"You wanna come over or--?" He asks flatly, instead of following with Billy's game.
His smile drops a little, he clears his throat. Looks around, even though it's clear they're alone; Billy's always the last one to leave the pool. "Gotta pick up the bratt," he says, more gravely now. "I guess I can come over by, like, seven."
Steve nods. "Sounds good to me."
"Sounds good to me," he repeats but slower, like he's trying to understand where Steve's head is. Which is fair, he thinks, but doesn't have the heart to explain.
Billy steps back from the car and he leaves.
His parents are gone when he gets home, which is good, it's a fucking relief to be honest. Steve thinks it's awful how he can't stand his own parents, but Billy's always saying that they don't owe shit to parents, they are the ones who put them here and if they're assholes, they're assholes. End of fucking story.
He decides to take a shower before Billy arrives, ends up taking a bath, staying in the water long enough that his toes and fingers start to wrinkle. Then, at some point he hears the Camaro parking into his driveway, and forces himself to go downstairs at last.
"What's gotten into you today?" Is the first thing Billy says as he pushes into the house, toeing off his flip-flops. Harrington's been weird, he hates when Harrington gets weird, like when he has those nightmares and wakes up screaming and covered in sweat and refuses to talk about them.
Billy hates secrets, but if Harrington wants to have some, fucking fine, he can have some too.
"Nothing," Steve murmurs, sort of self-consciously, rubbing at the back of his neck. He steps into the living room to avoid looking at Billy, because he can tell Billy's upset, and he knows it's at least partially his fault.
He sits on the couch, looks up when Billy doesn't follow and... Billy's staring.
And like, of course he is, because he's been working his ass off at the pool all day, dodging fucking Mrs. Wheeler and god-knows how many of those creepy moms, has had his fill of bullshit from his dad. And when he finally gets to see his fucking boyfriend, he's all sullen and weird. So, of fucking course he's staring. Billy isn't perfect, he's trying to be better, for Harrington, but Harrington isn't helping right now.
"What's wrong?" Steve asks after a moment and immediately he regrets it, bites his tongue until he tastes blood, but it's too late.
He knows he's fucked up. Which is why he doesn't jump when Billy tosses his hands up and scoffs.
And if Billy snaps at Harrington it's because he has a temper issue, which he's working on, but growing up with someone like Neil it's really no wonder that he spits:"What's wrong? Are you stupid or stupid?"
Steve stops paying attention, then, because that hits home. That hits to approximately 24h ago, in that very same living room, you're stupid, we've been wasting time and money on you your entire life. That hits to two years ago, failing again? Are you stupid?. That hits to so many occasions that his eyes water and he doesn't even register that Billy's still going.
"I should be asking what's wrong. No, I would be if you stopped acting like everything's peachy when clearly---"
"I don't need this now, Hargrove," Steve says, almost a whisper. His chin quivers and he swallows around a lump the size of Texas trying not to cry.At that Billy stops. He stops and looks at him, and something seems to click after a moment.
It's when he realizes that he's fucked up, that much like the nightmares he refuses to talk about, this is big, and Harrington's really hurt. So Billy sighs, shifts on his feet; he's learned recently that despite how hard it is to apologize, it's worth it. He's slowly winning Max's trust back after apologizing (because Harrington encouraged him to) and, to be fairly honest, if it wasn't for him apologizing to Harrington at their graduation party they wouldn't even be here. Together.
He sits down next to him, pulls Harrington into a hug. He relaxes against Billy's chest almost instantly. Billy kisses the top of his head, breathing in a mixture of hairspray and chocolate. He whispers I'm sorry to Harrington's hair as his tears burn into his skin.
#asks#my fics#harringrove#wicked little talks#fanfiction#ao3#steve x billy#angst!!!!!!!!!! lots of angst#THANKS FOR THE ASK I CAN'T WAIT TO READ YOURS
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