HOYO PLEASE I BEG YOU

You guys don't understand this thing right here ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️👇👇

Is my biggest reason for my most epic Honkai Star Rail comeback from 5 months, Hoyo's headquarters will see their end if they don't give me Huohuo since I'm basically on pity, she's my Hu Tao, I want to... No, I NEED to be Huohuo main.

Gungrave live reactions

for the entire series CW: sexism(?), racism(?), vulgar language, I am a 36 year old man who did not censor my thoughts as I was watching it. This took a little over a month and is just a compilation of discord messages I sent

gotta say the opening scene of the first ep is great I wish his name wasn't "Brandon Heat" though I'm sorry but that's a lame name Especially for an anime ok his anime name is "Beyond the Grave" Glad we got that established

I'm about 2/3 through the first ep and this is definitely a 90s anime 😂 (not that there's anything wrong with that)

gungrave ep 2 They named the black kid kenny I will be very surprised if kenny doesn't die this ep

someone died in ep2 It was not kenny I am genuinely shocked here's to ep3

kenny has finally died But so did a lot of other people RIP Kenny

It's going a lot harder (emotionally) than I was expecting, given the first ep I'm just starting ep4 now

so far my biggest problem with gungrave is that brandon seems like a mute character but he talks sometimes But the times he talks make no sense, they're not really that important So the whole decision to not talk a lot seems super awkward instead

yeah edgy teen show is definitely ep 1 and not any ep after that (so far) (I'm only on ep 4)

another thing that bugs me is all the pans are weirdly fast but the mute/not actually thing brandon does bugs me way more than the pans

ep6 I like harry more than brandon didn't anticipate that

oh god the audio delay on this ep is horrible I hope it's just this one ep and not the rest of them

ep11 of gungrave bold strategy, cotton.gif let's see if it pays off it only worked out because of plot armor

ep12 of gungrave Brandon got a hair cut and looks like a real yakuza now

… I hate it

gungrave ep14 normally I don't care about fictitious relationships or how problematic they are but maria has convinced herself she loves her grandfather, who raised her, because brandon broke up with her and orchestrated a perfect moment And now she's pregnant by her grandfather and like this is scummy in so many different ways but mostly I just feel kinda 😩 about what it says about maria's intelligence in fact all the women in this series (actually now that I think about it, there is literally ONLY TWO) are just really fucking dumb

ep14 has some real beautiful compositional symbolism (unsure if that's the accurate term) Harry wears white and brandon wears black harry is in the shadow and brandon isn't harry tries to get brandon to betray the family and of course brandon won't. He goes to shoot harry. But doesn't and starts crying the gun lands precisely in the middle. Implying brandon's thinking about it? Or maybe it's just for symmetry. idk

this scene really slaps you over the head with symbolism. I don't care. I'm a fan

damn this show took a fucking turn

oh good just in time for Harry's break down ep15 is where the grey haired brandon comes in!

Maria is the dumbest bitch ever "I just found out brandon is alive! Oh I didn't see him myself. An aide of mine said they talked to him" Maria: Cries from happiness "Oh just knowing he's alive is enough!" bitch please supernatural stuff isn't known in this canon do you just believe everything you're told? wtf This is some pregnancy psychosis shit

damn you think Harry went crazy with power but he really went crazy with power

damn what's in this suitcase that makes it weigh so much ep18 brandon finally comes out of a coma

ep18 is where ep1 left off

while watching gungrave I had some fever memory recollection of an anime called Heat Guy J So I looked it up It seems to be a combination of robocop and minority report?? Also it has a werewolf apparently

ep22 of gungrave I think I can fit this in before I need to leave this is totally gonna end with mika, who is like 17, dating brandon/grave if it doesn't, I'm gonna be surprised so all three women in this show will get with dramatically older guys and also be stupid idiots

hm ok brandon/grave only has 10 days of life left unless they magically come up with a different way to make him live so there's 2 eps to figure that out and/or have sex we'll seeeeeeeeeee oh, 4 eps actually Whatever anyway I'm out for a few hours to the family function

gonna attempt to finish gungrave I'm starting ep 23 of 26 gonna play them at 1.5x normal speed good mika (16ish) professes her love for grave (40+, died once) and grave is like "I'll be your guardian and protect you but that's all" Good We don't need yet another pedo relationship in this anime

ep24 "promise me you won't die before me" the girl who married a guy 30 years her senior says 🙄 oh I guess this was foreshadowing She got shot and died

grave is literally falling apart like bad pottery ep25

lmao harry, the guy who has no issues murdering literally anybody, swerved to avoid a cat in the road

the crash from the cat was so bad his whole life flashed before his eyes. This ep was a huge flashback oh grave's hair is white instead of grey now I guess because he's almost dead… again ep26 Last one

it's over they killed eachother

His Old Tribulations, Our Current Struggle: Remembering Garner in the Current Call to Reform Cannabis Laws

This post was written by Warner Sabio Sr., Graduate Student, Jazz Studies, University of Pittsburgh.

Recently, on April 7th, Virginia’s legislature passed a bill legalizing the possession of small amounts of marijuana, making it the 16th state to do so. Under Virginia’s law, adults can possess an ounce or less of marijuana beginning July 1. Several weeks before, New York passed the Marijuana Regulation and Taxation Act, legalizing the recreational use of marijuana in the state. New York’s legislation also expunges the records of people convicted on marijuana-related charges that are no longer criminalized. These two drug-policy reforms concerning marijuana are a few of the many looking to respond to the disproportionate and often tragic impact previous legislation has had on communities of color.

For Erroll Garner, the drug policies regarding marijuana and the enforcement of those laws affected him personally and professionally. On January 26, 1946, Garner was arrested in Los Angeles and charged with violating section 11500 of the California Health and Safety Code—a felony at the time. The State accused Garner of possessing “flowering tops and leaves of Indian Hemp (Cannabis Sativa)” and set bail at $500. According to dollartimes.com, adjusted for inflation, $500 in 1946 is equal to $7,156 in 2021. An excessive amount, it seems, for the non-violent crime he was accused of committing. Nevertheless, on April 10, 1946, Garner pled guilty to the charge and was sentenced to 90 days in the county jail. This incident would mark Garner as a felon and a “dope addict,” in the problematic wording of the language that circulated in press accounts. The distinction would continue to cast its shadow and haunt the pianist for at least another decade, if not the rest of his life.  

(Above) Page 1, (Below) Page 2, Page 3, Page 4, and Page 11 from folder “Erroll Garner Personal,” Erroll Garner Archive, 1942-2010, AIS.2015.09, Box 3, Folder 18,  Archives & Special Collections, University of Pittsburgh Library System. 

Six years later, after a performance at Mack’s Tavern in Atlantic City on September 12, 1952, the pianist was again arrested and brought up on charges surrounding a marijuana-related drug bust. According to The Baltimore Afro-American, Garner was held “for failure to register as a convicted addict under the state’s narcotics registration law and not for being an actual user of narcotics.”[1] The conviction referred to by New Jersey law-enforcement authorities was based on Garner’s 1946 Los Angeles arrest, which he reportedly informed authorities of at the time. Interestingly, Garner, convicted of possessing marijuana in the initial Los Angeles case, was now branded a “dope addict” in press coverage revolving around the Atlantic City incident.

(Above) Image of the article from The Baltimore Afro-American, Sept. 13, 1952.

The headline on the front page of September 13, 1952, Pittsburgh Courier read: “ARREST ERROLL GARNER FOR DOPE.” The subhead for the article noted that Garner was “Part of Big-Time Roundup.” The lede stated:

ATLANTIC CITY – Erroll Garner, Pittsburgh’s significant gift to jazz and dexterous piano-playing, was nabbed here in a post-Labor Day roundup of alleged dope addicts and suspects.”[2]

(Above) The Pittsburgh Courier, Sept. 13, 1952.

The Courier also reported that forty-one other suspects were also arrested. One of those arrested included Garner’s roommate and valet, Frank (Tons) Randolph, who was accused of “being a dope peddler.” The Afro-American reported Randolph “was placed under $25,000 bail after two witnesses testified in Municipal Court on Monday that they bought marihuana in $10 and $20 lots from him.” According to dollartimes.com, adjusted for inflation, $25,000 in 1952 is equal to $245,730 in 2021. From the reports, it does not appear that authorities found any weed on Garner or Randolph. Nevertheless, it seems the testimony was enough to warrant the arrests.

It is also interesting to note that the Courier report hinted at a possible ulterior motive for the arrest.  Perhaps stemming from the practice of racial profiling of Black men driving nice cars, the paper reported, “police are alleged to have stated that Garner has been driving around Atlantic City in a 1952 Cadillac and a woman, described by some as his wife has been driving a Chrysler.”

In a follow-up story on September 20, The Afro-American interviewed Garner about the arrest. The headline read: “GARNER SHRUGS OFF DOPE COUNT ARREST: ‘Just One Of Those Things,’ Pianist Says of Shore Incident.”[3] Garner discusses the Los Angeles case in the piece, affirming his conviction (saying it took place in 1943) and stating he was “sentenced to 45 days to an honor farm.” Garner elaborated:

“It was all a ‘frame.’ I was turned in by a fellow whose job I took in a night club in which I was playing. The guy was salty and squealed. But I am not complaining because it did happen. At the time, I was a youngster and went around with a bunch of wild guys.”

(Above) Headline from The Baltimore Afro-American, Sept. 20, 1952.

As for the Atlantic City incident, Garner was quoted as saying he “was through with that kind of stuff now” and had “too much to lose.” However, he was critical of the publicity, stating, “the only thing is that I was the least involved and got most of the publicity. This is one time that I wished I was digging ditches.”

Almost a month after the Atlantic City arrest, on October 11, 1952, The Afro-American reported that Garner was fined $50 for failure to register as a dope addict.[4] The case was thereafter dismissed, and Garner “filed the necessary registration forms in compliance with the local ordinance. According to the paper, the incident had left Garner feeling “disturbed” and “embarrassed.” Garner was forced to cancel several weeks of bookings “in order to permit him to rest” because he was “suffering from nervous exhaustion.” As for Randolph and the others arrested that night, my limited search came up empty as to how they fared.

On Jan.17, 1953, the Courier reported that a case involving Garner’s arrest in St. Louis on New Year’s Eve was tossed. Garner was charged with possession of narcotics.[5] The paper said, “Garner’s case was thrown out of court because the officers did not have a warrant when the arrest was made.” Garner’s attorney, however, clarified that the basis of the arrest was “a crank telephoned St. Louis police that the pianist had carried narcotics from New York to St. Louis in his automobile. It was revealed that Garner had arrived in this city by plane.”

For Pittsburgh-born Garner, professional success could not shield him from the insatiable appetite to punish that has driven much of the nation’s drug policies for decades. Major players in the formation of these early policies are uniquely linked to Garner geographically. Harry J. Anslinger, who served as the first commissioner of the U.S. Treasury Department’s Federal Bureau of Narcotics, was an Altoona, PA native. Pittsburgh’s-own Andrew Mellon, the uncle of Anslinger’s wife, appointed him to the post. Mellon, at the time of Anslinger’s appointment, was the Treasury Secretary.

According to The Economist:

“The drafters of the Harrison Act of 1914, the first federal ban on non-medical narcotics, played on fears of ‘drug-crazed, sex-mad negroes.’ And the 1930s campaign against marijuana was coloured by the fact that Harry Anslinger, the first drug tsar, was appointed by Andrew Mellon, his wife’s uncle. Mellon, the Treasury Secretary, was banker to DuPont, and sales of hemp threatened that firm’s efforts to build a market for synthetic fibers. Spreading scare stories about cannabis was a way to give hemp a bad name. Moral outrage is always more effective if backed by a few vested interests.”[6]

According to law professor Michael Vitello, “while the Harrison Act did not include a prohibition against marijuana, its framework would become the model for Congress’s first efforts to criminalize marijuana.”[7]

(Above) Harry J. Anslinger served as the first commissioner of Treasury Department’s Federal Bureau of Narcotics. Image from the Associated Press. 

Driven by stereotypes, some framers of early U.S. drug policies linked the usage of both marijuana and cocaine to marginalized communities and racialized “fringe groups like pimps, prostitutes, and day laborers” and “uppity Southern blacks and race-mixing drug parties.”[8]  Concerning Anslinger’s beliefs, Vitello states:

“Finding racist quotations attributed to Anslinger is easy and a reminder of how ingrained racist language was in this country. Here are a few choice quotations: “Reefer makes darkies think they’re as good as white men”; “Marihuana influences Negroes to look at white people in the eye, step on white men’s shadows and look at a white woman twice”; and “There are 100,000 total marijuana smokers in the U.S., and most are Negroes, Hispanics, Filipinos and entertainers. Their Satanic music, jazz and swing result from marijuana use. This marijuana causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers and any others.”[9]

These antiquated and racist beliefs would vibrantly pulsate through the heart of drug laws for generations. Unfortunately, Garner’s experience was not isolated or rare. For Garner, the arrests and court cases must have been taxing. His experience speaks for many people caught up in the web of draconian drug laws pervading the justice system. The growing frustration has led to calls for change.

As previously mentioned, recent efforts have yielded changes to drug policy concerning marijuana across the United States. To date, sixteen states, two territories, and the District of Columbia have legalized small amounts of marijuana for adult recreational use. Twenty-seven states have decriminalized weed, meaning, “small, personal-consumption amounts are a civil or local infraction, not a state crime (or are a lowest misdemeanor with no possibility of jail time).”[10] However, more needs to be done to undo the gross injustice that lopsided enforcement has produced. It is a flawed system of policies and laws that impacted Garner then and thousands today. We must resolve the discordant tones struck by the framers of foundational drug war policies, the effects of which still resonate and impact civil society today.

Works Cited

Erroll Garner Archive, 1942-2010, AIS.2015.09, Archives & Special Collections, University of Pittsburgh Library System.

“Arrest Erroll Garner For Dope: Pianist Part of Big-Time Roundup.” Pittsburgh Courier (Pittsburgh, Pa.), September 13, 1952: 1.

Bender, Steven W. “Joint Reform? The Interplay of State, Federal, and Hemispheric Regulation of Recreational Marijuana and Failed War on Drugs.” Albany Law Environmental Outlook 6, no. 2 (2013): 359–.

“Errol Garner Case Thrown Out of Court.” Pittsburgh Courier (Pittsburgh, Pa.), January 17, 1953: 1.

“Errol Garner Pays $50 Fine: Failed To Register As Dope Addict.” Baltimore Afro-American (Baltimore, Md), October 11, 1952: 9

“Garner Shrugs Off Dope Count Arrest: ‘Just One Of Those Things,’ Pianist Says Of Shore Incident.” Baltimore Afro-American (Baltimore, Md), September 20, 1952: 3

Gootenberg, Paul. Andean Cocaine: The Making of a Global Drug. Chapel Hill, NC: University of North Carolina Press, 2008.

“‘How did we get here?’ A Survey of Illegal Drugs.” Economist, July 28, 2001, p. 4. The Economist Historical Archive, 1843-2015 (accessed April 13, 2021). https://link-gale-com.pitt.idm.oclc.org/apps/doc/GP4100323851/ECON?u=upitt_main&sid=ECON&xid=779492d4.

“Pianist Under Bail For Not Registering As Addict; Shore’s Raids Called Biggest.” Baltimore Afro-American (Baltimore, Md), September 13, 1952: 1

National Conference of State Legislatures website, https://www.ncsl.org/research/civil-and-criminal-justice/marijuana-overview.aspx

Vitiello, Michael.  “Marijuana Legalization, Racial Disparity, and the Hope for Reform.” Lewis & Clark Law Review 23, no. 3 (2019): 789-822.

[1] “Pianist Under Bail For Not Registering As Addict; Shore’s Raids Called Biggest,” Baltimore Afro-American (Baltimore, Md), September 13, 1952.

[2] “Arrest Erroll Garner For Dope: Pianist Part of Big-Time Roundup,” Pittsburgh Courier (Pittsburgh, Pa.), September 13, 1952.

[3] “Garner Shrugs Off Dope Count Arrest: ‘Just One Of Those Things,’ Pianist Says Of Shore Incident,” Baltimore Afro-American (Baltimore, Md), September 20, 1952.

[4] “Errol Garner Pays $50 Fine: Failed To Register As Dope Addict.” Baltimore Afro-American (Baltimore, Md), October 11, 1952.

[5] “Errol Garner Case Thrown Out of Court.” Pittsburgh Courier (Pittsburgh, Pa.), January 17, 1953: 1.

[6] “‘How did we get here?’ A Survey of Illegal Drugs,” Economist, July 28, 2001.

[7] Michael Vitiello,  “Marijuana Legalization, Racial Disparity, and the Hope for Reform,” Lewis & Clark Law Review 23, no. 3 (2019), 794.

[8] Paul Gootenberg, Andean Cocaine: The Making of a Global Drug, Chapel Hill, NC: University of North Carolina Press, 2008, 193.

[9] Vitiello,  “Marijuana Legalization,” 799.

[10] National Conference of State Legislatures website, https://www.ncsl.org/research/civil-and-criminal-justice/marijuana-overview.aspx

For the fluff self-ship asks: blankets, hugs, lights ... Oh, you know what. Actually I would like to hear your answers to all the questions 😊😍💖

OMG DARLING THANK YOU FOR ASKING!💖💖💖 I will answer the rest of the questions here:

blankets: how do you relax together?

We all relax the most while watching television together. My comfort show is The Goldbergs (its a sitcom on ABC about a family in the 80s); I have to watch it almost every night and I’ve seen each season and every episode countless times. I’ve recently found that it is calming for anxiety to re-watch shows and I’ve been rewatching it literally for several years now. J and Pat like to watch, even if they aren’t as wrapped up in it as me. Pat thinks it’s funny; I don’t think J cares for television but he likes to be around when Pat and I are together. William does like to watch television as well and his interest in it has gotten J to relax with us more (J really likes William and I tease him about it; he doesn’t like that but it’s all in good fun!)

rainbows: how do you spend an off day inside together? 

Surprisingly, whenever we have a day to just...be, they each find things they are wanting to do and leave me to myself if I’m working on something. We find each other here and there or I’ll go looking for them if I want company. Pat and J often come and sit with me, just so there’s another body in the room for the both of us, but we each like our solitude. Sometimes Pat and I will cuddle if I’m just watching a show or listening to music or something; occasionally if I’m working on a project they’ll come and help or just chat with me.William likes to read my poetry over my shoulder. I haven’t shown him my full notebook yet, but he’s read a couple (with my help) and he really enjoys it. It’s funny when J gets involved with helping because he is so chaotic that it never works out according to my plan (but it makes it so much more fun!)

nostalgia: what makes you and your f/o nostalgic?

(I headcanon my Pat as my own age because 10 Things was released in my birth year as well as my birth month) Pat and I grow nostalgic over the way things used to be back when we were both young. We like reminiscing about the different things we would all do as children, the games we’d play, the trends, the shows, the way school was for us, etc. We both miss that time when we were nothing but happy children. 

Pat also grows nostalgic over his home in Australia and his grandpa; we have chats regularly about both. At first, he was hesitant to be open about these topics because talking in depth about them really struck a nerve for him, but over the course of getting to know Pat, he’s told me more and more and he’s willing to answer questions and tell me stories. 

One day, we got giggling about how a lot of people call him “kangaroo boy” as both a derogatory quip at his nationality and a personal jab at his accent; he thinks it’s funny now that he’s out of school. In school, he was a target of ridicule because he was different and instead of fighting it, he let people fear him because it meant he could be left alone to do his own thing. He lets me call him that playfully now, because I know of his past and have helped him embrace it and not see it as something “less glamorous” that he has to hide or keep to himself so that people wouldn’t bother him. 

(I head canon my J as 32, mainly so it fits with my interpretation of his backstory)

I don’t know if anything really makes J nostalgic, though he always sits and listens attentively if Pat and I are talking about our childhood. He takes in all that we talk about and we all wonder about his own childhood and there were any similarities. He would’ve been in school in the 90s then, so things may have been somewhat different as opposed to Pat and I; we wish he would talk about it, but J is not an open book. 

(I headcanon that my William’s father has grown old and passed, as well as Pat’s grandpa who also passed of old age.)

William is not a particularly nostalgic soul either, however he does miss the time he got to spend with his father and he reflects with Pat on what it is like to lose a family member; they both comfort each other when it comes to this and they know what each other needs to hear. 

bubbles: do you take baths or showers together? 

Yes we do. Pat, J and I shower together regularly. William and I have only showered together once. Whenever I’m extremely tired, J will wash my hair for me, though the times he does this are few and far between. Pat is extremely touchy-feely in the shower; he likes to hug me from behind or kiss me or put his hands on my waist or hips. If I’m showering with both J and Pat at the same time, they both stand on either side of me and cage me with their bodies so I don’t freeze. I have to have super hot showers because I am always cold and J and Pat make sure they keep me as warm as possible. 

moods: what makes your f/o happiest?

It makes them all the happiest when I am in a good mood and am happy. We all strive to care for each other the best that we can and when everyone is feeling good and happy, then we all are. If one of us isn’t well, then the rest of us do our part to help. We care deeply for each other and everyone’s happiness is our sole mission. 

special: what stands out to you about your f/o? what stands out to your f/o about you?

I will re-post my favorite personality traits of theirs here, because those are what stand out the most to me about each of them: 

J: His ‘devil-may-care’ attitude. I heavily admire that J can do whatever he wants regardless of the rules - he’s untouchable and nothing can hurt him. I wish I could have a taste of that and perhaps that is one of the reasons I’m drawn to J; he gives me an outlet and a way to experience that kind of freedom that is unattainable within my real life.

Pat: His independence and how he isn’t affected by what others think of him (I know I said only one for each but I admire both of these qualities equally). I always admire independence because I am very independent as well. And as someone who used to be very concerned with how others saw me, I admire the lack of that quality in Pat because I strive to be that way every single day. I don’t want to be defined by what people think of me. Watching Pat be a good person in spite of his reputation inspires me so much - that is the exact sort of person I’d like to be.

William: His persistence and desire to ‘change his stars’. William is not a quitter; ‘quit’ is not in his vocabulary. Even in times when he is likely to fail, he still persists until he comes out a winner. I admire that in him and I see it as a great advantage in a world of quitters or people who wish to take the easy way out. William faces challenges head-on and doesn’t run from his problems. He stands his ground and takes whatever life has dealt him. William believes that if one truly wants something out of life, then nothing is impossible; he only must want it enough.

What stands out to them about me: My overall kindness, acceptance and love. J admires that I am not afraid of him. He, Pat and William love my strength and determination, even when it comes to things I am terrified of going through, doing or dealing with. They are each aware of the things I’ve been through and continue to battle and they are each, in their own ways, in awe of how well I manage in spite of it all. They value my strength of character, maturity and wisdom. 

relief: how does your f/o help you feel better? how do you help them?

We all make each other very aware of our needs and how they must be met; we each view open communication as extremely important, even J. It is no secret that J does not like to open up, but he listens to each of us and knows what each of us need in any given moment and makes sure he tries to give it to us any way he can. Our safety makes J feel better; he wants all of his younger partners to feel secure and not worry about our safety. 

Pat, depending on his mood, needs to either be held and cuddled or left alone to work. Since we’ve been spending most of our time at home, Pat has been working on some welding and metalworking, which William greatly appreciates. He wants Pat to make him new armor, but Pat doesn’t quite have that ability or skillset yet. Pat loves to work with his hands and he has gotten a lot of equipment to set up his own metal-shop in our shed. He enjoyed his time in metal shop at school and has continued that passion here. It helps him release frustration and gives him a distraction to focus entirely on whatever task he’s working on. J has stolen a lot of equipment for Pat (we do not condone stealing, but J refused to return it, so.) We often let Pat go to work on his welding and metalwork whenever he is frustrated or needs time alone. 

William practices sword fighting when he is frustrated and J has proven to be a worthy adversary. William pushes himself to the limit when he’s not feeling well, but J tests him and keeps him sharp and on his feet. 

We all don’t solely help one person; each of us help out when and where we can because we all have different needs that have to be met. For example, I might help Pat and then J might help William. We all try to help each other as much as we can, but some of us have to help more where others cannot, yet we all have the same goal of making each of us feel better. We all help each other in different scenarios. 

They all help me every day with their concern for my well-being, basic human needs and lots and lots of cuddles and comfort (thanks, Pat<3)

Paris

Tuesday May 17 1831 Continued

Took a box of eau de cologne on Sunday to take to London for Lady Mexborough and took for the same purpose a 2nd today – Just went in to her and spoke to Madame Galvani from whom I had had a note this morning just before going out, enclosing her bill – said I would leave the money with her servant – about an hour at Lady Stuart’s then to Perrelet’s left him the gold watch, that was my mother’s, to mend. 

Then to the École des Mines – saw Pellatier and told him not come tomorrow, offering to pay him, but he said he would rather come and bring his bill – then to Crochard’s – ordered Capefigue’s Constitutional History of France and the Manual de Propiètaire and du Locataire both which came this evening – to Bechet’s rue de L’Observance nº 5 telling him to keep the numbers of Cuvier’s lectures till I returned. 

Then to Messier’s, told him to send for Cuvier’s Ossemens Fossiles and get the supplement chez Crochard – the plates to be found according to Messiers advice, separately and ½ bound at 4/- a volume – the biography des Contemporaines prior ordered 1/75 per volume ½ bound but the biography Universelle being large paper copy to be 2/- a volume ½ bound

Then left the money 90/- at Madame Galvani’s, and drove to the palace royal Berthellemot’s – agreed to give back the workbox bought for Vere and panier en bois de cedre bought for Mrs W Priestley and ordered 2 pair bracelets (1 for Vere 1 for Mariana) instead and got little mother of pearl enclosed pincushion for my aunt to give Mrs Veitch and the screens meant for her to be given to Mrs W Priestley and got a nacre snuff box for Isabella Norcliffe – which gave to Messier to have INN engraved on the back en gothique – then along the rue Vivienne home at 6 25/60.

Dinner at 6 55/.. – read Galignani – Came to my room at 8¼ - Mr John Lister of Swansea came at 8½ and stayed till 10½ - Coffee at 8¾ some time afterwards tea – he is head surgeon with a surgeon and assistant ditto under him – was in the Lowther Castle 1500 tons, but left it to follow the Captain on board another ship.  His pay £5 a month, Captain’s pay £10 a month – but he (Mr J Lister) allowed six tons of freightage and the Captain allowed 50 – about 12 officers are thus paid in tonnage which amounts in all to about 150 tons – average tonnage the Company’s ships 1200 tons – the tonnage worth £50 per ton to sell.  

The Captain keeps the tab at sea, when he is on shore the officers on board keep it. Mr J Listers mess cost him £40 last year, above ⅔ of the time on board  but made it out he had seven months a year vacant – I thought that must be an advantage, as he might pursue his studies or travel if he chose.  

He mentioned again that Mr Jortin surgeon and apothercary London making £1200 a year wishes to take him into partnership.  Does not much like to settle so soon – I said I thought his present situation the better of the 2, as gently as one could, gave no encouragement to settling with Mr Jortin. 

Gave several good opportunities for his mentioning his family which he avoided taking advantage of, probably afraid of saying too much  but got out of him that his father had retired 3 years ago and that his (Mr J Lister’s) sister was only 17 – he wished to have brought her with him but his father and mother would not consent.  It seems his father has 2 brothers James and William – the latter lives at Laugharne pronounced Larne, and brings up his youngest son to the church.

A steam boat bet[ween] Bristol and Swansea 3 days a week, 84 miles price 5/- - Merthyr Tidvil iron mines 30 miles from Swansea, copper mines near the town. Mr Vivyan has the great share in them, is the great man there, and to be the member after the reform bill had passed which will give Swansea one member.

Staid talking to my aunt said  it was bad tact in him not to tell all of his family, he was too close in this respect, a chip of the old block.  Would not do for him to have Shibden, his grandson would be soon enough. Would try and manage about this as well I could, if all went well with Mariana would leave it all to her for life, except a small fund for accumulation. 

Came to my room at 11 20/..  Fahrenheit 63º at 11½ , fine night,  very fine day, the hottest we have had.  Till 12 writing all but the first 12½ lines of today  and reading the few introductory pages to Capefigues History Constitutionelle du France

Mr J Lister was at the review on Sunday, was surprised to hear no exclamations – the King received in silence –

Reference number SH:7/ML/E/14/0062

My 2020 reviews

All the cool kids were doing these so now I finally dragged my ass into doing them too lmao. 

Albania- Fall from the Sky

A song I swear cursed this whole contest from the moment it won Festivali i Këngës. Like with the shitshow this song caused I just knew the whole year was fucked. With half the fandom whining they didn’t get their first club song of the year to the other half smugly shoving it as their winner despite no other songs being around to compare it to, the whole fiasco just left me knowing that 2020 would end in tears, just hopefully not my own. As for the song, it’s lame. It’s a standard ballad with OBSCENE amounts of autotune, which is weird because the girl can actually sing pretty decently without it, so why they decided to make her sound like a damn computer is beyond me. And WHY did they translate it, haven't the past few years proven that Albania's better off leaving their songs in Albanian? 

Armenia- Chains on You

A bootleg Ariana Grande song, and a really shit one at that. The kind of song only people who think being young, gay and mean counts as having a personality would say is good.

Australia- Don’t Break Me

One of the few decent Australian entries (but that REALLY isn’t saying much coming from me, I barely care they’re in the contest by this point) but marred by a horribly untidy performance and lacklustre lyrics. At least it’s not fucking pop-opera, that’s all I can say. I’d rather listen to the sound of my face being dragged down the runway at Heathrow airport than be subjected to another Zero Gravity.

Austria- Alive

One of those pseudo-jazz dance songs, á la Olly Murs or Bruno Mars (I swear there’s a song like this in every recent contest). I mean, it’s good, but it’s just kinda meh since I’m kinda getting tired of this genre rearing its fedora-wearing head every time a new lineup rolls in.

Azerbaijan- Cleopatra

One of the “better” trashy entries this year, comprised of about five different musical genres, six ancient cultures being appropriated and absolutely zero class. Probably sounds at least 50% better when you’re absolutely steaming drunk and face down on the floor in the middle of a gay bar.

Belarus- Da Vidna

Somehow, this song sounds both very unique and original yet trite and average at the same time. I couldn’t decide whether listening to it was a new experience or if I’d heard it a million times before.

Belgium- Release Me

A song which just drones on till it ends. I would say it’s ripping off the song that won last year, but it forgot that having a chorus stops your song from being three minutes of snooze.

Bulgaria- Tears Getting Sober

A typical breathy mumble-girl song, AKA a genre I can’t fucking stand. Really don’t see the hype with this one, the melody is pretty but the vocals are out for lunch and it’s otherwise completely and utterly boring.

Croatia- Divlji Vjetre

One of the token big dramatic ballads you listen to once, enjoy, then forget about until Darius in the Discord server plays it one night whilst you’re hitting up the radio bot with requests. You’ll find that “nice, but forgettable” is a common theme for this year.

Cyprus- Running

Ironically Cyprus didn’t send a crappy Fuego knockoff for 2020, and I say ironically because a crappy Fuego knockoff would’ve actually stood out this year, and I say crappy because honestly Fuego wasn’t even all that great to begin with. "Running” itself is just one of those edgy tortured soul pop songs which, let’s be honest, would have been paired with an impressive performance which would’ve overshadowed how bland it is. Kind of like “You’re the Only One”. Or even Fuego for that matter.

Czech Republic- Kemama

Standard Afro-pop, a genre we don't often see at the contest so I'll let it pass. I feel like this is the kind of song that’s infinitely better live, and that it would’ve been one of those songs that suddenly became a frontrunner after the semi finals, but I guess we’ll never know eh?

Denmark- Yes 

The quintessential mid-10s Eurovision song. It's got guitars, happy people, Scandinavian origins… it’s just a typical radio guitar song, nothing special.

Estonia- What Love Is

I mean it's better than La Forza. Granted, the sound of someone pissing directly onto a microphone installed in the bowl of a toilet would sound better than La Forza but still. Going back to this song, it’s just... a standard Eastern-ballad with some very desperate lyrics. It feels kind of outdated, if I’m honest. Like something about this just reeks of 2011.

Finland- Looking Back

Yet another dreary, forgettable ballad. It comes to something when the best song they COULD have sent was a party song which sounded like it was from the mid 90s. At least that song was memorable. That said, this one at least has some decent lyrics. Bravo for that I guess.

France- Mon Alliée

France decides to say “fuck it” to being an underground fan-favourite and takes a leaf out of the UKs book by sending the same rent-a-Swede schlock they’ve been sending since 2015. I’m just confused as to why anyone in their right mind would choose to follow the UKs example but you do you France.

Germany- Violent Thing

A rehash of Sweden's entry from two years ago, but this time sung by Justin Bieber circa 2008. Kind of alright if you can stomach the singer's whiny voice, but otherwise pretty dull and kinda forgettable.

Greece- Superg!rl

Hello fellow kidz, we are hearing you like the girl power? The super heroes? The t3xt $p3ech? We made you song, please give us the votes *dabs*

Georgia- Take me as I Am

I mean… this sure is a choice. This feels like one of those songs that everyone memes on because the lyrics are kinda janky and the singer’s voice (and accent) take a bit of getting used to, but other than that it’s just one of those NQ songs for hipster fans to declare as their unironic winner at a later date. All in all this just feels like the male equivalent of one of those mid-10s fat acceptance women’s songs, only a lot shoutier and this time he has more flaws than not being skinny.

Iceland- Think About Things 

A bootleg George Ezra song, performed by a load of disinterested tumblr users in their pyjamas. Because if there’s one thing that sells me on a song, it’s being given the evils by a bunch of nerds who look like they’ll send me death threats for not agreeing with their Pokémon headcanons. To be fair, the song is kind of groovy since it sounds so 70s, but the performance is very off-putting to people who aren’t in the Eurovision loop. And also people who are, because I sure as Hell don’t see the appeal in this myself and this whole performance just feels like Save Your Kisses for Me without the charm. I feel like this would’ve come second or third, definitely with a lot of televotes but either the jury would’ve dragged it down or it wouldn’t have scored enough televotes to win.

Ireland- Story of my Life

A song that’s at LEAST ten years out of date by this point, think like an early Katy Perry, Jessie J or Avril Lavigne song. I’ll forgive it because even though it sounds like it should’ve been entered in 2013 (at the latest), it at least evokes some nostalgic memories of shitty school discos and holiday parks.

Israel- Feker Libi

The female equivalent of the Czech song. Unsurprisingly, people went wild for it when it was released. I guess only women are allowed to sing Afro-pop at this contest. Like with the Czech song, I’ll forgive it since Afro-pop is a cool genre anyway, and even though this is just another club song I can at least see myself dancing to it.

Italy- Fai Rumore

Well, at least my wish of “Italy sends a typical power ballad devoid of anything the mainstream fandom likes” finally came true. It was pretty refreshing to have a year where people weren’t shoving Italy’s entry up my nose left right and centre. In terms of my actual thoughts I can’t deny that the guy has a tremendous voice, but for some reason the song just doesn’t… click with me. I guess I like my male Italian singers a little more gruff and raspy, if you know what I mean. They gotta sound like they smoke at LEAST five packets of cigarettes a day for me to take notice.

Malta- All of my Love

Listen I am 100% rooting for Destiny Chukunyere to win this contest some day but man was this song a disappointment. It feels so… un-special and generic, like it gets the job done and that’s it. It’s not the stand-up-and-belt-it-out soul anthem I’d hoped for, it’s just… there.

Moldova- Prison

All I remember about this song is that it vaguely reminds me of that one Meccano song about the gypsy who makes a deal with the moon or something. And I’ve TRIED to remember more about what it sounds like, trust me.

Latvia- Still Breathing

The one horrible weird song you get every year which overuses strobe effects to the point it comes with an epilepsy warning. Would be bearable if it wasn't for the singer’s insistence that this is actually some feminist masterpiece when it's really just a self-empowerment club song about the singer fingerbanging herself over the fact she writes music.

Lithuania- On Fire

One of the songs everyone thought was going to win at one point, even though it seems like a surefire non-qualifier to me. It’s one of those weird entries, but not the kind of over the top, batshit insane, you’d-have-to-be-drunk-to-enjoy-it weird, the kind of subdued surreal weird. Like this is weed instead of LSD or cocaine weird. Granted my mom, who I consider to be a "typical" Eurofan, actually really liked this song when she saw it in the recaps, so who knows maybe this would have done well with televoters after all.

Netherlands- Grow

I appreciate this song for how artsy and clever it is with its structure, since it starts off acapella and the instrumental builds up with the song until it stops suddenly, symbolising a person’s growth from a child into an adult, and ending suddenly with their death (Geddit? The song’s called “Grow”). But it feels like the kind of song that would be lost on a Eurovision audience. The juries would have taken note, for sure, but the televote… let’s be honest, they’d have been too busy drunk voting for Russia to care about anything else.

North Macedonia- You

Well, it's better than the miserable dirge they sent last year, but given how I'd rather pleasure myself with a steak knife than listen to that song, that really isn't saying much. Going back to “You”, it really just feels like a diet version of Switzerland’s entry from last year, combined with Sweden’s song from 2018. What I’m saying is it’s your average “I’m a man in a club and I want to dance with and probably fuck this hot girl I just met” song, which I a new genre I just made up. You’re welcome.

Norway- Attention 

One of those songs you appreciate because it sounds nice and the singer has a good voice, but instantly forget because it’s really not all that interesting. If I sound like I'm repeating myself, welcome to Eurovision 2020.

Poland- Empires

“Rise Like a Phoenix” but sung by a wannabe Adele and not a mascara-wearing Jesus in a dress. Like a lot of other songs on this list, it’s just average across the board, likeable when it’s on, but instantly forgettable as soon as the next song comes on.

Portugal: Medo de Sentir

Pretty, but also similar to their ill-fated 2018 entry, only with a bit more energy and less pink hair. What I’m saying is this would have been another NQ unless the crowd who enjoy subtle ambience music come in to save it like they did with Slovenia's entry last year.

Romania- Alcohol You

See Bulgaria, because this is practically the same song. It’s just as dreary, just as badly sung (if not worse because holy shit this girl sounds like she’s being suffocated), and I suppose you COULD excuse that by saying she’s drunk or hungover… but I don’t want to listen to someone ungracefully mumble into a microphone for three minutes.

Russia- Uno

A classic big camp party song, the kind of song people who haven’t watched Eurovision since 2003 think wins on the regular. I can see why people would like it (especially in this boring year lmao, I applaud Russia for taking the opportunity to loosen their corset and just send a complete mess instead of their usual clinical vote grabs), but it’s just not something I enjoy. It's the song that plays into the misconception that Eurovision is just a clown show for drunk people, like this is just here to be that one flash-in-the-pan meme song that only entertains people who don’t really care about Eurovision until the day before it airs. Kind of like the old ladies they sent in 2012 (remember them?).

San Marino- Freaky!

San Marino, in true Sammarinese fashion, have yet again sent a decade-ambiguous song which sounds like it was either released in 1978 or 2003. I feel like this would have been one of those songs which could have surprised us if it had a really wacky, creative performance (think like Moldova in 2018), but this is San Marino so you know that would never happen.

Serbia- Hasta la Vista

Insert unoriginal joke about a decade wanting their shitty trend back right here. Okay maybe that’s a bit harsh, especially considering how this song is actually, yanno, unique in comparison to the rest of this year. But it still feels weirdly dated, in a way where I can’t decide whether it sounds like it belongs in 1998 or 2018. I suppose girl power ages a song regardless of when it was released.

Slovenia- Voda

Yet another standard Balkan-European power ballad which you appreciate because it’s well sung, but forget the moment it ends because it’s kinda boring. … Does anyone else have a bit of deja vu?

Spain- Universo

For some reason I feel like this song is shilling itself out to someone but I have no idea who. Aside from the horny people voting solely because the singer is moderately attractive even with that wretched Jedward haircut.

Sweden- Move

Imagine soul but… boring.

Switzerland- Répondez Moi

Imagine Arcade but… in French.

United Kingdom- My last Breath

Not the best the UK could have done, but it’s at least a modern offering unlike the residual dregs of the mid-90s that we sent throughout the 2010s. It’s definitely a bit too generic to have done any better than maybe 15th, but hey at least the cancellation means we won’t have to see it not do as well as the BBC thinks it’s entitled to do, prompting a billion clickbait articles about how Brexit somehow affected our performance.

Ukraine- Solovey

At long last we come to something you probably weren't expecting: a song I actually really like. Which is weird because I usually don't care for or don't like whatever Ukraine vomits into the contest, so I was pleasantly surprised to find a song I liked from them in such a weak year. This song isn’t for everyone, it’s white noise singing which is a very acquired taste, but this is honestly the only 2020 song I find myself coming back to over and over. And it’s in Ukrainian too, so you don’t have to put up with their usual mangled English offerings.

My Top 10 Favorite Series of All Time

Mysterylover123, to my followers.

This list, of course, could change. At some point in the future, I could always discover a new series that topples the competition - but for the moment, here they are. My top 10 favorite series of all time - mostly comics or television, but also film, and a few novel series made the honorable mentions list.

Of course, these are all just my personal favorites - that’s the key word. While I did consider objective quality when making the call, I mostly went with my gut and listed series I love for whatever reason - maybe sentimental value, pushing my personal buttons, or just characters I adored. I also made myself list the things I don’t like about the series as well, just to avoid gushing too much and remember that all but one (my #1) series out there are at least, a little, flawed, but nonetheless still lovable. With that in mind, here they are:

#10. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (2000-2015)

Type: Live-Action TV show

Genre: Crime/Mystery; forensic drama, police procedural

Favorite character: Catherine Willows (Marg Helgenberger)

Favorite episode: “Grave Danger”, Parts 1 & 2 (Season 5 finale)

Favorite Season: 7

Favorite villain: The Miniature Killer/Natalie Davis

Bad points: Weak later seasons, forced romance subplot, copious amounts of filler

Why it’s here: CSI is nostalgic for me. I watched it during my early crime drama loving years, and found out that as much as I liked the premise, what made the show for me was the cast. That was the first time I realized how essential characters are to creating intriguing drama. CSI is still my favorite traditional crime/mystery show, since in seasons 1-8, it maintained a good balance of character drama and mystery-of-the-week. Season 7 is a high point,  balancing an ongoing story with lots of fun one-offs and an emotionally explosive payoff. Later seasons, however, wear down the show’s quality for me. Too many beloved characters left and the series becomes too reliant on filler, ending with a thud that is the series finale. But the best of CSI is still enough to land it here for me.

(Just to clarify, I mean Las Vegas)

#9. Futurama (1999-2003; 2008-2013)

Type: Animated TV Show + movies

Genre: Sci Fi Dramedy

Favorite character: Philip J Fry (Billy West)

Favorite episode: “Jurassic Bark”

Favorite season: 4

Favorite villain: Bender

Bad points: Sexism, weak later seasons, bad 2nd movie

Why it’s here: Futurama came to me during a phase of depression in my life, and the show’s combination of humor and cry-your-eyes out tragedy kept me going. I’ve seen it through five times, and it’s always a blast. To me, Futurama is better than The Simpsons. Simpsons is funnier, but only for seven years or so. Following those seven years are 21 of mediocrity, whereas Futurama thankfully cuts it short. While some of the later seasons are weaker than the early Fox years, they still have quality gems and the show’s unique flavor. The series speaks to me so much; it’s a mix of hilarious comedy, serious character drama, and high sci-fi concepts that all mesh together in a unique experience. This is a series that’s not afraid to try new things, to experiment and let the characters age and grow. My personal favorite part of the series is the friendship between the core trio, Fry, Bender and Leela. Any episode starring them is a-ok by me.

Favorite memories: Binge-watching the series during a period of unemployment.

#8. Death Note (2003-2004; 2006-2007)

Type of series: Manga/Anime

Genre: Supernatural Crime Thriller

Favorite Character: L Lawliet (Alessandro Juliani)

Favorite Episode: Episode 2, “Confrontation”

Favorite Arc: The first one

Favorite villain: Light Yagami (Brad Swaile)

Bad points: Weak second half, so-so character development

Why it’s here: Death Note is a dark, twisted, engrossing thriller, which under normal circumstances shouldn’t be re-watchable. But I keep coming back to it, regardless of how many times I’ve seen it before. It’s a digestible 37 episodes and 108 chapters, for one thing. It introduced me to two characters that endlessly fascinate and frustrate my analytical brain. The antagonists, Light and L, are two of the most brilliant characters I’ve come across in fiction, and their dynamic with each other is endlessly engaging. Well, it should have been through the whole series…if not for certain incidents. But no matter; we have what we have. Flawed, yes. Terrifying, certainly. Death Note scares me like no other story. But what frightens me in DN isn’t so much there gruesome deaths, but how effortlessly it portrays the banality of evil.

Favorite memories: Watching the show during the winter holidays while on vacation, and contemplating the series during the drive home.

#7. Spider-Man (1962-)

Type: Comic book; various mediums of adaptation

Genre: Superhero

Favorite character: Mary Jane Watson

Favorite Storyline: The Night Gwen Stacy Died, #121-122

Favorite villain: The Green Goblin

Bad points: Weak later issues, lots of filler, “One More Day”

Why it’s here: Spidey is still my favorite superhero. He was me in high school (I got into Spider-Man in high school, incidentally), the everyman, the representation of my nerdy outcast struggle and need to both escapism and greater responsibility. But what really drew me to the comic, and still does, was the vast and multifaceted supporting cast. In the great eras of Spidey (Ditko, Romita, Conway, and late 1980s), the supporting cast make the series. Whether it’s Peter’s various complex lady loves, the endless cavalcade of memorable villains, supporting dude-friends like Flash and Harry or my personal favorite, mainstay Mary Jane “you just hit the jackpot” Watson, the cast of Spidey was majorly influential with good reason. The series loses it’s skill in the 1990s, thanks to the Clone Saga and general 90s comic badness, and plummets into an irretrievable black hole in 2007, never to return. But fortunately, there’s still thirty years’ worthy of fascinating comics to draw from before that insanity begins. And those stories have in turn fed fantastic adaptations, whether it be the sentimental 90s animated show, a few of the films, or the superlative Spectacular cartoon.

Favorite memories: Reading Spider-Man comics after high school, while waiting to get picked up. Also, watching the 90s show as a little kid, even if those are kinda dim.

#6. Gravity Falls (2012-2016)

Type of series: Animated TV Show

Genre: Supernatural

Favorite character: Mabel Pines (Kirsten Schaal)

Favorite season: 2

Favorite episode: “Not What he Seems”

Favorite Villain: Bill Cipher

Bad points: A few filler episodes, some odd messages, so-so ending

Why it’s here: I love a good spooky story. Gravity Falls caught my attention around Halloween in 2016, 8 months after the series finale; I binged the whole series through in a weekend. The series remains one of the all-time best I’ve ever watched. With one or two exceptions, there are no outright bad episodes. Everything is either entertaining or incredibly entertaining. The characters feel real, the messages really hit home, and the creativity on display is astounding. Gravity Falls has something in every corner - great character development, compelling drama, laugh-out-loud comedy, and a truly engaging mystery that doesn’t disappoint. I wish the franchise ran a little longer, but I’ll give it props that unlike nearly every other show on this list, Gravity Falls doesn’t over-stay its welcome. Two seasons of brilliance, wrapping up with a strong, though not perfect, finale, before the series had a chance to go on too long or burn out the creators. It’s a welcome treat to watch again, and again, and again. It’s mostly low on this list, not because of the few weak points, but because I don’t have as much emotional attachment to the series as I do to my top 5 pics.

Favorite memories: Watching the show with my dad and brother on vacation. Both of them are very surly and nit-picky, so presenting them with a show this good meant no cause to complain.

#5. Frasier (1993-2004)

Type: Live Action TV series

Genre: Sitcom

Favorite character: Niles Crane (David Hyde-Pierce)

Favorite season: 4

Favorite episode: “Something Borrowed, Something Blue”

Bad points: Weaker later/early seasons, sometimes annoying

Why it’s here: Frasier has a record for the most Emmy awards won by a single show. And rightly so, in my opinion. This is one of those series with astonishingly top-notch writing all around. It’s a sitcom that banks it’s humor on taking down pretentious snobs and prejudiced jerks; the jokes stay funny because, like all good humor, they stay relevant. This series feels kind of timeless; despite coming out in the instantly dated 90s, the characters’ fashions, mindsets, and relationships feel like they could be written today or twenty-forty years earlier. My heart belongs to the series’ ongoing love story between uptight, snippy Niles and eccentric, lovable Daphne (Jane Leeves). I have yet to see a better executed TV romance, one that pulls out all the stops like this one does. If I were to compare Frasier to anything, it would be to a Jane Austen novel. It has the same social satire, the same sardonic humor, the same understanding of romance and human psychology. That, to me, is what makes a great comedy.

Favorite memories: Discovering Frasier out of Sideshow Bob on The Simpsons - and coming to realize which of the two is truly the better comedy. (Sorry to take another potshot at Simpsons; I do like the early seasons, I just think the show is overrated).

#4. The Marvel Cinematic Universe (2008-)

Series type: Live Action films and TV

Genre: Superhero

Favorite characters: Tie: Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) and Loki (Tom Hiddleston)

Favorite film: Captain America the Winter Soldier (2014)

Favorite phase: Phase 3 (so far)

Bad points: Occasional weak/so-so film, lack of representation

Why it’s here: I first watched only a handful of MCU films; after Avengers, I gave it up and focused on other things. I loved it the first time, but when I came back and screened every picture in the lineup till the present, that is when I fell in love with the franchise. I was missing out on some of the series’ best characters. And that’s what makes the MCU special to so many people: the characterization. The series is at it’s best when it’s giving it’s multi-layered cast focus and development. Marvel comics have always been a favorite of mine, so naturally their best known adaptation is one of my favorites in general. I’ve found something to enjoy in just about every film in the franchise. The biggest surprise hit for me was the Captain America films - a part of the franchise I never dreamed I’d love, but which won me over with the stellar writing in the 2011 film, the indelible Winter Soldier, and the stunning, heartbreaking Civil War. I’m almost afraid of what will come next, as the franchise is heading towards a finale.

Favorite memories: Watching the films over a long, bitter summer, as my only source of joy while working a thankless job and living in a place with bad internet reception.

#3. The Buffy-verse (1997-2004) Series Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel

Type of series: Live-Action TV shows

Genre: Supernatural

Favorite characters: Buffy, Cordelia, and Spike

Favorite season: Season 5 of Buffy, Season 2 of Angel

Favorite episodes: “Once More with Feeling” Buffy, “You’re Welcome” Angel

Bad points: Weak later seasons, Season 6, some bad filler

Why it’s here: If I was going on sentimental fandom value alone, the Buffy-verse would be number one. I still squee over this franchise years after I first discovered it; the characters have that special Joss Whedon flair that makes them stand out over the crowd, the series’ core relationships are so fascinating I’m tempted to write fanfic about them, and the philosophies and emotional moments in the series have shaped my life. I would never have known what existentialism was, for instance, if not for Whedon’s show. Angel’s line about “ all that matters is what we do” has helped motivate me ever since I heard it. But looking at the series’ quality (and diversity), I will admit that out of my top 3 favorites, it has the most problems. Both shows have one season I can cheerfully proclaim to be outright terrible, (Season 4 for Angel, Season 6 for Buffy), and very shaky first seasons that take a while to find their feet. There are some plot decisions I just can’t forgive, and some truly weak arc villains. But there is also so much that this franchise does so well, whether it be stellar standalones, bold plot moves, and of course, the character arcs.

Favorite memories: Rewatching the show on vacation in France.

#2. Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005-2008)

Type: Animated TV series

Genre: Fantasy Steampunk

Favorite characters: Zuko, Azula and Sokka

Favorite season: 2

Favorite episode: “The Guru”

Bad points: Forced romantic subplots, The Great Divide, odd conclusion

Why it’s here: You may have heard, if you’ve spent any time on the internet, what a fantastic series ATLA is. I try to avoid such phrases when attempting to sell the show to people, because describing a series that way is usually a bad move. But rest assured, it’s warranted. Avatar The Last Airbender is a stellar show in every possible way. Aside from the few bad points I mentioned above, ATLA does everything right. It has the best world building I’ve ever encountered. The animation, storytelling, emotions, messages (sometimes), plot points, philosophies, individual episodes, comedy, drama, action, epic sweep, surprise reveals…(several hours of listing things later) all of these things are pitch perfect. But as always, what makes this show is the cast. My lord, what a cast. These characters are so embedded in my mind, their arcs, personalities, development and entertainment value all stand out a cut above the rest. ATLA is a stunning masterpiece, one that no adaptation could capture, and that even it’s own creators have yet to follow up on, with either the sequel or the comics. But no matter. The original is there, it always will be, and more people discover it every day.

Favorite memories: Nothing quite compares to seeing ATLA for the first time. I saw it in 2014, one of the worst years of my life. Once again, my miserable experience was improved by a fantastic story.

Before #1: The Runners-up.

Game of Thrones: I used to adore GOT, but it started losing me after season 3; I lost respect for the show in season 5. still, those early seasons are still crucial parts of our culture and should be remembered.

Harry Potter: I grew up with these books and I still enjoy parts of them; overall, however, they strike me as being just a little less than they could have been.

Percy Jackson: I binged through the whole first book in a few hours, and loved these novels as a teen. As an adult, they don’t hold up as well, but I still appreciate the things they do right.

The Legend of Korra: The sequel to ATLA is spotty in many ways, but contains enough moments I absolutely love to make it at least a runner up.

South Park: Another series that got me through a bad time in my life and helped me deal with certain aspects of myself (especially episode 1507.) However, the early and late seasons are pretty bad, and the show doesn’t age very well.

Neon Genesis Evangelion: A bizarre little anime that nonetheless really stands out to me for how crazy it gets and how unique the story is.

Hannibal: A guilty pleasure - definitely a show that gets too far up it’s own butt in later episodes, but nonetehless appealing and interesting in the subjects it’s willing to tackle.

Parks and Recreation: My other favorite TV sitcom besides Fraser - it’s a strong runner up for the list but not quite sentimental enough.

Steven Universe: 3 great seasons, followed by a lot of recent mediocrity. Great when it’s great, bad when it’s not.

Code Geass: an immensely ambitious series, that doesn’t quite realize it’s goals but god damn if it isn’t a beautiful try.

Daria: Another show that really spoke to me in high school

Firefly: This was the biggest runner-up for the list. Firefly is 14 amazing episodes of television cut short too soon, giving us amazing characters and great world building in a short amount of time. The series has some bits that haven’t aged well, and those were enough to keep it off my top 10.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for…

#1. Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood (manga: 2001-2010, anime 2009-2010)

Series type: Anime/Manga

Genre: Sci Fi (I think)

Favorite character: Edward Elric

Favorite episodes: “Flame of Vengeance”; “Backs in the Distance”

Bad points: None

Why it’s here: I’m gonna be brutally honest: FMAB is here because I can’t find anything wrong with it. It is, without question, the single most perfect piece of fiction I’ve ever come across. It almost frightened me when I first finished the series. Surely there must be some major, glaring flaw, some bad installment or weak character, that I could point to and say Look! Here’s the flaw! This was made by human hands after all! But nope. Many, many rereads through, and I still haven’t found one. FMAB stands supreme. This series has everything. The most fleshed out and real-feeling cast of characters I’ve ever come across (even minor background characters have spectacular arcs and feel like real people). The best pacing and plotting of an overall story arc. The best world building, aside from ATLA. The best exploration of social issues, the best feminism, the best use of mature storytelling. Everything comes back around. The themes, the mystery, the overall tone and story structure. I feel like an engineer gushing over the most perfectly calibrated car ever made each time I watch it. But Fullmetal is even more than just expertly made. It’s appealing. It’s popular. It’s the kind of story you can write essays on or write fanfic for. FMAB can be enjoyed in every capacity. I recommend taking the time to read the Manga first (that’s what I did), then watch Brotherhood. There really is nothing quite like FMAB. (oh, BTW, it has the best series finale of anything e ver. Period.)

Best memories: Watching Fullmetal while coping with death for the first time in my life. There is no better series when it comes to dealing with this subject.

SUMMER MOVIE RECAP

I know, I know; It’s been over two months since I have written anything and I am sorry! There are PLENTY OF MOVIES to go over.  Half of this will be a rent list and half will be a theater list. This will be a different kind of post, it will be a “See or not to see” list. So, here we go.

IN THEATERS NOW:

Spider-Man: Homecoming PG-13 93% on Rotten Tomatoes, 8.1/10 on IMDB

SEE THIS MOVIE IN IMAX!!!

Holy cow guys, what a great movie. Rotten Tomatoes is ranking it in the top 5 comic book film list ever. Tying with Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man 2, The Dark Knight, Fellow MCUer and the film that started the MCU 2008′s Iron Man, and Logan. This has definitely been the year of comic book films with five already released and one more on the way. 

My wife and I saw this movie in IMAX and it did not disappoint. This is the first Spider-Man film I’ve actually liked in 13 years since Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man 2. The prologue of this film picks up following the events of 2012′s Avengers with a New York clean up crew led by Adrian Toomes (Michael Keaton) cleaning up the mess the Chitauri Army, Loki, and the Avengers left. Another time jump to Peter Parker filming on a go pro the events that took place during Captain America: Civil War in 2020. Then another time jump two months later to where this story takes place.

Peter Parker (Tom Holland) is a sophomore in High School and is considered a loser nerd. Nope there is no Mary Jane Watson, Gwen Stacy, Harry Osborne, or J, Jonah Jameson in this version folks. This takes us back to the basics. Peter is just trying to navigate how to be a teenager and have powers. Interestingly enough, this is the first cinematic Spider-Man without an origin story, AND IT WORKED!

Yes, Hot Aunt May is the best part of the movie. Marisa Tomei stole the whole movie. I think she should get her own spinoff. She is a great mother figure to Peter. And Tony Stark (RDJ) cannot get over how unbelievably attractive she is.

The entire cast top to bottom, Holland, Tomei, Michael freaking Keaton, WOW WOW WOW; Jon Favreau, Zendaya, everyone is fantastic in this new take on Spider-Man.

Go see this movie in theaters. Excited for what we are going to see from the new Spider-Man, Mr. Tom Holland!

Wonder Woman PG-13 92% on Rotten Tomatoes, 7.9/10 on IMDB

More babes. 

Gal Gadot is the fox of all foxiness. She is also incredibly elegant, witty, and stands for unity and love in DCEU’s take on Wonder Woman.

She didn’t come to a fresh start in Batman v Superman. One of the worst comic book films of all time, the script was so bad they only gave her three lines of dialogue. She was the only thing that makes the film watchable because she stole the entire movie. With Zack Snyder at the helm of the DCEU, the Wonder Woman film was not so promising with three out of three bad movies already on the slate. 

This film was shockingly good. All the characters were great. Chris Pine was amazing, Danny Huston was a great villain, and the reveal plot/twist of the main villain was also great. This movie was full of action, great visuals, stunts, and humor!

This movie was not full PC (politically correct) and try to push feminist agendas which I liked. It portrayed women as loving, caring, smart, and charming, but can be badasses and not over sexualized. 

GO SEE THIS MOVIE BEFORE IT LEAVES THEATERS!!!

Despicable Me 3 PG 61% on Rotten Tomatoes, 6.4/10 on Rotten Tomatoes

Universal looooooves milking their franchises. Mummy, Fast and Furious, Despicable Me, Jurassic...the list keeps on going. 

Gru and the Minions are back for the 4th time in seven years to take on another evil villain who thinks he is badder than Gru, IMAGINE THAT!

Yes, it has its humor, yes its a great movie for kids, but unless you have kids, there is no reason to go to the theater to see this. Save your money for Dunkirk or Planet of the Apes.

If you love these movies, wait for rental, it will be out in September.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales PG-13, 29% on Rotten, 7.0 on IMDB.

Unfortunately in today’s cinema culture, if you do not have a good score on Rotten Tomatoes 24 hours prior to release, you’re not going to do well in the box office. Sad day for the swashbuckler franchise. 

I honestly thought it was one of the stronger movies in the franchise. It was a whole lot better than the third and fourth installments. Unfortunately it did not do well enough to include a sixth installment, so it is looking like this is the final adventure for Captain Jack Sparrow. 

I liked it, but didn't love it. What this film did was make my love for the first two films grow and appreciate the characters a lot more. I don’t care what anyone says, Geoffrey Rush is part of the heart and soul of this franchise, His character in this final installment makes him one of the most lovable anti-heroes (or villains) ever. Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann make their return and they get the ending we were all hoping for. Javier Bardem is 100x better than Bill Nighy’s awful CGI filled Davy Jones character. Due to the technology, this is the best film of the franchise as far as visuals go. With the new characters they could have easily renamed the film Pirates: The New Generation. 

This movie honestly needed a lot less Johnny Depp. It was overacted and too much. I like him less and less every film.

This will be a great movie for rentals, probably your best renter this year. It is still in limited theaters, but don’t go out of your way to find it. It will be out on digital 9/19.

The Fate of the Furious PG-13 66% on Rotten Tomatoes, 6.9/10 on IMDB

Guilty pleasure.

I hate to love these movies, but I do. We watched on Exodus KODI on digital and I was surprised at how good it was and how they can keep the plot going. I would rank it as third best in the franchise next to the original film and Dwayne Johnson’s debut in the franchise: Fast Five.

Following this film there will be a F9 and F10, as well as Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham getting their own spinoff from the franchise after studio altercations between Johnson and Diesel. Vin, we know you are Dom Toretto, but clearly you cannot smell what the Rock is cooking...step off.

Great renter, I wish we would have seen in theaters, but it will not disappoint in your living room.

Gold 43% on Rotten Tomatoes, 6.7/10 on IMDB

It’s strange. Matthew McConaughey is one of my all time favorite actors, but since Interstellar in 2014, all he has done is crap movies. Makes me hesitant to go see The Dark Tower next month. I honestly think he believes changing his appearance and weight will win him Oscars and Emmys. I mean he did it for Dallas Buyers Club and True Detective, it will work again right?

No Matthew, it won’t. 

If you want to completely waste your time, watch this movie. One of his worst films to date. Now on DVD and Digital.

Saban’s (Mighty Morphin reboot) Power Rangers 45% RT, 6.2 IMDB

It just keeps getting worse and worse people. 

If you’re a 90s kid, you loved the original Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, if you go back and watch the nostalgic 3 season series on Netflix its so campy for its time. Its as bad as the 60s Batman series, but yes I understand it was made for kids, as this film probably was too. Its not made for grown ups who watched the series as a child, if that was their goal, they did a terrible job. Its such a campy 2017 movie. The CGI is not even that good and you can tell it was done a tight budget. Looked like a TV movie.

Sorry 22-30 year olds, but let the nostalgia on this one stay nostalgia and don’t see this movie. (Don’t worry the sequel wasn’t greenlit). Now on DVD and digital.

A Dog’s Purpose 30% on Rotten Tomatoes, 6.7/10 on IMDB

All dogs don’t go to Heaven apparently. Nope, they get reincarnated into other dogs’ bodies. Yes people, yes that is the plot of this film, told from a reincarnated dog’s perspective who remembers all of his lives. What a retarded concept for a movie. My wife was watching at home and I caught the last hour. 

It might be the stupidest movie I have ever wasted precious life on. No one should see this movie, I am not even going to let you know of it’s availability for rental because I would do a disservice to you.

Well that’s a rap peeps! Next review will be on Nolan’s Dunkirk dropping next weekend!

Thanks for reading! 

Z

BPD

I’ve tried to reach out blindly to so many people for help these past few months, and all that’s done is given me the label “attention-seeker,” written off as manipulative, a liar and a waste of time.

Attention-seekers like myself are written off as lost causes instead of treated like people who are seriously and constantly hurting, who are only “wasting your time” because they know their own is running out. I want your attention the same way a person drowning wants the attention of a lifeguard, but I can’t scream for help and raise my hand because instead of drowning in water I am drowning in my own heightened emotions.

One of the most severe symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is recurring self-harm and suicidal behavior/attempts.

When it comes to feeling suicidal, I’ve noticed people stop taking you seriously after a while. If I was going to kill myself, surely I would have done it by now. In the minds of those who aren’t consumed by this disorder, I’m simply crying wolf in order to feast on some nice juicy attention again. The thing about “crying wolf” is that the wolf is invisible, but it’s still there. The reason I’m crying wolf is because the wolf is going to kill me.

I don’t know how anyone can feel like this for even one second of their entire existence and not explode fragments of their bleeding heart everywhere, because every second of being alive is exhausting. BPD has been described as the emotional equivalent of having third degree burns over 90 percent of your body. This disorder I wasn’t even aware I have has impacted every single part of my life.

The sleepless nights that turn into empty days.

The drugs and alcohol that numb for a minute and pain for an hour.

The constant, always present feelings of worthlessness and shame and of guilt. Guilt for who I am and what I’ve done to the people who used to be around me or are still tied to me because of relation or university class or a lease.

Cooking enough food to feed four even though I’m not hungry because it’s been days since I’ve remembered to swallow anything solid and that’s how many attempts it’s going to take to stay down. Pretending there’s something wrong with my scales because there’s no way I could be that weight, is there? It hasn’t been that long since I last ate…has it?

Holding knives against my throat at 3 a.m. because I can’t stand another second alone with my thoughts, tying scarves and chords into nooses that break, routinely overdosing on drugs not just on weekends with “friends” but in the middle of the afternoon alone in my bedroom, praying this is it. This will be the time my heart finally gives up and shuts down.

Crying, then laughing, then needing to cut, then laughing, then crying again, then arguing with myself about jumping off a building, then needing a hug. All in the space of an hour. Every hour. No breaks, no time outs, not even when I’m asleep because apparently with BPD even your subconscious is as unstable and spasmodic as you are. Nightmares and pleasant dreams lurch back and forth at sickening speeds until you awake confused and frightened, your reality questionable.

Always letting down the people in my life because no matter how hard I try I can never be more than what I am. Knowing that everyone I love who hasn’t already done so will leave me and never look back because they think there’s nothing left to look back on.

The look of disgust but not surprise on my beautiful housemate’s face when after everything I have put him through, from suicide attempts to uncontrollable emotional outbursts that required him to physically restrain me and call the police, he comes home to find me in my room drunk or high.

He thinks I don’t care, but all I do is care and that is why I can’t stop doing the things that are ruining my life. There is no neutral or in-between emotions for me, and until I learned what borderline personality disorder was I thought everyone felt the way I did and just handled it better.1

Every emotion is like getting in the shower and either being hit with a stream of freezing ice cold water that makes your skin turn blue with cold and your teeth chatter, or getting assaulted with boiling hot water that stings your flesh and burns you deeply. I understand what lukewarm showers are, but I am unable to experience them.

The shower analogy also explains the way I see people around me. Black and white. All good or all bad. I will meet someone at a bar, share a laugh with them, accept their friend request on Facebook and then all but propose to them. Strangers will become family almost immediately and things like them not replying to my messages within a quick manner or rejecting an invite to hang out have the same impact on me as if they had punched me in the face or told me they wished I was dead. They have just confirmed everything I had always known about myself to be true. I’m disgusting. I’m unlovable. I’m nothing. Everyone hates me. I’m alone.

One of my best friends who now refuses to speak to me, once spoke to me on the phone for four hours when I was distressed. Not for the first time that week he did everything humanly possible to put me in a better headspace and reassure me I was loved, and it worked. Until he said goodbye and hung up the phone. Then it was as if those four hours had never happened. I remembered everything he had said and I still believed it all to be true, but I couldn’t retain the positive emotions I felt when he was speaking to me. I couldn’t hold on to the sense of relief and love I had felt only seconds ago, the shower was turned back on full blast and I was burning. So I called someone else. And when they hung up I messaged another person. My phone became full of screenshots of words of support and love from all those I communicated with, and for a while it helped me, but if I wasn’t continually receiving messages that proved people cared about me I would assume they had come to their senses and realized they would be better off without me in their lives. This fear of abandonment consumes me and causes my emotions to manifest into situations in which I will impulsively act out in dangerous ways in an attempt to communicate my pain to those around me or to try and sooth the storm inside me. These impulsive behaviors may seem like they are for attention, but more than half the time they take place when I am alone and no one is aware of them.

I’ve woken up more than once on my bedroom floor after purposely overdosing on a cocktail of drugs, surrounded by suicide notes I have no recollection of writing and a bleeding wrist. I have then continued on with my day because the world doesn’t stop just because I have. On my mother’s birthday I nearly took my own life after an argument with first my housemate and then her. I sat sobbing for nearly 10 hours trying to simultaneously convince myself to “just do it!” and also “Don’t be stupid!” I had convinced myself the best present I could give my mom was to not be in her life any longer. I convinced myself the only way I could make things right with my housemate was to permanently end my existence so he never had to look at me again.

I can’t remember the last day I’ve had where I haven’t seriously considered killing myself as the most viable option at least once. I am plagued by hopelessness. I can’t hold down a job because my emotional breakdowns happen out of the blue and I am unable to turn up to my shifts. I can’t do or say anything to get the friends that mean absolutely everything to me back in my life and in my corner again because no matter how badly I want to change and get better, I am a prisoner of my own pain and there is no key1. I can’t find permanent accommodation because I can’t afford to live by myself and no one can stand to live with me. I can’t walk past a store without spending whatever small amount of money I have saved for bills or food on something to numb the pain.

It never stops and I don’t know where this disorder ends and I begin. Realizing what was causing my life to be so hard also made me realize I don’t know who I am, but I know who I’m not.

I’m not J. Jarvis anymore. Maybe I never really was.

I lost her somewhere between the sixth drink and the second pill. After the nightmares started happening while she was awake and the sun went down permanently.

I’m not the stand-up comedian or the soccer player or the writer I once prided myself on being.

I’m not anyone’s friend or anyone’s housemate or someone you met at a party once.

All I am is pain and loneliness and defeat swirling around in an underweight, scarred and tired shell. I’m only 20-years-old and already my life feels over. I want it to be over.

If you know someone with BPD please, just give them a hug because for that three to five seconds, you’ll make the unbearable agony inside of them endurable, and that’s all we are trying to do. We have no other choice. Every poor decision, every attention-seeking action is us trying to endure.

Wraith pt. 11

Summary: Bucky x OFC

Follows the storyline of CA:CW. Regan is an ex-HYDRA experiment who has been on the run for about a year. Turns out the Winter Soldier has been hiding not only in the same city as her, but the same BUILDING. Chaos ensues and she offers her help to Bucky and his friend Steve.

Word Count: 1962

Warnings: Swearing, Typos (sorry), Torture, Death, Destruction

A/N: I am SO SORRY that this has taken so long to write, but I just finished my bachelor’s degree if that’s any good as an excuse!

Masterlist

Not my gif, credit to the owner

Regan had lost all feeling in her arms, she had no more awareness of the screaming pain in her shoulders. She was slumped in her wall shackles, completely exhausted. She couldn’t even draw energy from the building, the scientists had lined the walls of her cell with something that was able to block her powers.

They’d strapped into the chair, the Winter Soldier’s chair, and the scientists had tried to use it on her like they had on Bucky. It hadn’t done what they’d planned, but it had done something. 

The chair’s electrical current had been altered somehow, it no longer meshed with her own. So, when the lab coats had initialized the chair, she screamed in pain and quickly blacked out. When she came to, the lab had been destroyed. 

She was no longer restrained in the chair, having apparently snapped the restraints. The chair was sparking and popping, it’s fuses were shot and the wires were fried. There were large scorch marks surrounding the chair, and the two men who’d been standing the closest to it were on the floor, charred and likely dead. 

Regan didn’t care. For a moment, she was unrestrained and energized; she ran for the door, only to be dropped by a tranquilizer dart. When that had worn off, Regan was back in her cell. The woman reappeared, scolded her as if she were a naughty child and shot her full of poison again.

Regaining consciousness was an exercise in pain. Regan’s throat was raw from screaming, her legs sore from being left in their half folded position for too long, and her shoulders felt like they were being torn away from her torso. Wincing, Regan forced her feet underneath her, and straightened her legs. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she used the wall behind her to help her get upright, gasping when she almost collapsed. Once she was standing, leaning heavily on the wall, she opened her eyes; the room was empty, and she was alone.

There had originally been a camera in her cell, recording her every moment. But it had taken very little energy for Regan to disable it, which she did every time it was replaced. HYDRA had opted to have a guard in her cell instead.But the guard wasn’t there. 

Regan stretched as much as she could and tried to stifle her whimpers of pain. Once she was able to stand without the help of the wall, she tested her power. Drawing energy from herself since she couldn’t reach anything else; she felt an answering tingle on her fingertips. Regan had been afraid that whatever had caused her episode in the chair might have crippled, or even killed her powers out right, so she was glad to feel the burn of the electricity across her skin. She smiled. 

As she continued to move, she became aware of the many slashes, nicks, and bruises covering her body. There was a large amount of her own blood sticking her clothes to her skin, her movements causing the caked cloth to pull and reopen some of her wounds. Hissing in pain, she knew she had to stay standing, if she were to lean back against the wall again, she wouldn’t be able to push herself back up again.

Her head shot up at the sound of the cell door opening. She watched as two guards entered, followed by the woman with the poison. She looked much the same as she always did, just a different colored shirt, and different shoes.

“Ah, I see our wraith has awakened. Have a nice nap?”

Regan chose to look at a spot in the wall over the woman’s shoulder and slipped on her emotionless mask. She couldn’t show weakness, but she also couldn’t let the woman know that her powers were functional, possibly functional enough to kill the three of them and escape.

“Mmm, not talking still? Well, I know your vocal cords work, I’ve heard your screams. Such a lovely soprano,” the woman hummed with a sick smile on her face. Regan fought to not flinch when the woman reached out towards her. She brushed her fingers over Regan’s cheek, down her neck, and rested them at the juncture where her neck met her shoulder as she drew her face up next to Regan’s.

“Still so defiant, Wraith?” the woman purred right next to Regan’s ear. Regan still fought the urge to flinch away.

“Such a trial, but good things come to those who wait, yes? I think you could do with some more waiting,” she patted Regan’s cheek and this time Regan did flinch, but if the woman noticed, she didn’t seem to care.

“This ought to be her last day of reconditioning,” the woman spoke to the guard nearest Regan. Turning just enough to smile at her captive, she added, “make sure the lesson sticks.”

As the woman walked away, the guards approached Regan, who maintained her “Wraith face” while terror and helplessness collided in her belly.

Bucky’s POV

The flight was taking too damn long. He knew that they couldn’t go any faster, but he couldn’t help feeling like they needed to, like they were gonna be too late. He’d given up on sitting 10 minutes into the 90 minute flight and was pacing the jet.

“Buck,” Steve began, but Bucky silenced him with a glare. He didn’t want to be talked down. He didn’t want to hear that everything would be alright, he wanted Regan back.

He shook his head; not even 3 days he’d known Regan, and he was already attached. They’d barely even spoken really, but he felt something. Something more than just an obligation to find her because she’d helped him. Some part of him knew her, remembered his years of interaction with her, cared for her. She had said that she felt guilty for something she’d had a part in, something related to him, but if his vague memories were anything to go by, the Soldier had already forgiven her.

“On approach,” came Clint’s voice, causing Bucky to snap back to reality, and turn towards his seat.

“Landing’s gonna be a little rough, better buckle up back there,” Natasha added.

Regan’s POV

Regan was hanging limp in her restraints again, at least one bone in her left leg was broken, her left shoulder was dislocated, and several ribs were likely broken. Her right eye was swollen shut, and she could feel blood trickling out of the corner of her mouth. 

At the sound an alarm, her tormentors rushed from her cell, leaving her alone again. She could hear the alarm, but the only thing she thought was that she wished it would stop. Her head was already ringing and spinning and the noise didn’t help.

As the minutes ticked by, the alarm continued and Regan became more lucid. Lucid enough to realize that if she could gather enough strength, she could make an escape attempt. The sorry state of her body would make this more difficult, but she had to try. This was the only opportunity she’d had so far, and she couldn’t guarantee that another would come along; she couldn’t afford to waste this chance.

Unable to put weight in her left leg, Regan used the shackles holding her to the wall, and her battered right arm to lever herself into an upright lean against the wall before focusing on releasing her restraints. Reaching for her powers, and feeling the draw on her dwindling energy; the burn returned to her fingertips. 

The burn never hurt her, but it did make her skin extremely hot to the touch, and it gave her the ability to melt metal shackles. The cuffs were thick, but they soon became malleable, the instant that they were, Regan yanked her wrists free. She almost screamed in relief mixed with pain as her arms came down to her sides. Taking a few precious moments, she used the wall to force her shoulder back into its socket, crying out as quietly as she could before rolling both joints out and limping towards the cell door.

Fucking idiots, Regan thought as she tested the door and found it unlocked. Just because an alarm sounds you forget to secure your prisoner? You’d better hope you don’t make it out of this, HYDRA isn’t gonna be kind to you after this fuck up.

Out in the hallway, Regan found no one left on watch, but she still wasn’t home free; she had no idea how to get out. She’d only ever been to the lab and her cell. She could feel the building’s energy now though, and she knew that if she followed the electrical draw, she could find her way to the command center. That would draw the most power in the building, so she should be able to find it just be searching for the heaviest source of power draw. 

She encountered no one in her hobble through the halls, but she did find a lot of unconscious, or dead HYDRA agents. Not wanting to get her hopes up, Regan continued on. 

Finding the command room took longer than Regan would have liked, but once outside the door, she froze; this room, wasn’t empty.

Bucky’s POV

Natasha had accompanied him to find the command hub, although he had vehemently stated that he didn’t need, or want help. Natasha hadn’t acknowledged him. They had systematically taken out anyone in their way as they searched for the room that would have the surveillance feeds, feeds that could tell them where Regan was being held. Having found it however, they encountered another problem.

Inside the room was a woman wearing a skirt-suit, her green-black hair swept over one side of her face, and a dead-man switch in her hand.

Natasha and Bucky both had guns aimed at her, but the woman just smiled.

“Where’s Regan?”

“Who?” The woman calmly asked.

“Wraith,” Natasha clarified. “Where are you keeping her?”

“Oh,” the woman nodded, still smiling serenely, “she is in her cell, incidentally the same cell I’ve rigged with poisonous gas. Gas that will be released by this trigger here. If you shoot me, the wraith will die.”

Bucky’s grip tightened on his gun. “I want proof of life, show me her feed,” Bucky motioned to the monitors showing various rooms. He couldn’t see Regan’s.

“Well I’d love to Soldat, but she kept destroying the cameras I put in her cell, so I’m afraid you’ll have to take my word for it,” she giggled.

“No they won’t,” a gravely voice replied.

Regan’s POV

She entered the room then, looking her captor in the eye. “You know, a wraith is believed to be a harbinger of death? It’s a spirit that’s shows up just before you die, the last thing you ever see. I guess I am your wraith,” she said as evenly as she could with her wrecked voice, as Natasha pulled the trigger.

Regan swayed on her feet as the woman’s body hit the floor. Bucky caught Regan around the waist causing her to groan in pain as his hands and arms put pressure on her wounds. Bucky shifted his arms so he could lift her, one under her knees and one across her back.

“Let’s clear out,” Natasha said, holstering her weapon and heading for the door.

“Steve, we got her. Heading out,” Bucky spoke into his comm. “You doin’ alright?” he asked Regan.

“I’ve been better,” she grated out, her throat burning. She whimpered when Bucky sped up and jostled her.

“Shit, sweetheart, I’m sorry. We’re almost there.”

Regan hummed in response, closing her eyes and resting her head against Bucky’s chest.

“Regan?” She heard his voice, but it was like she was hearing it from underwater; it was soft and garbled. When she tried to respond, she felt completely drained and unable to even open her eyes.

“Regan?!”

Tag List

@canumoveyourseatup-no, @imsunnysu, @17marvelousfreak , @ipaintmelodies, @blacwings-and-bucky-barnes, @littlxshit

Thank You’s: @bellblake-trash , @buckyslion , @bovaria , @buckybarnesstar , @fvckingbuckyandsteve, @thatawkwardtinyperson, @imhereforbvcky, and @gigistorm

My Favorite Album #206 - 10 years of Rilo Kiley ‘Under the Blacklight’ with Katie Brianna

Australian Americana singer/songwriter Katie Brianna on the album that helped her transform herself and stake out her independence as a young woman - Rilo Kiley's 2007 swang song 'Under the Blacklight'.

We make the case for the album as Rilo Kiley's best record - and how it represents a breadth and musical ambition beyond their previous catalogue. We the songs fall in the evolution of frontwoman Jenny Lewis, from RK's indie rock origins to her subsequent solo success. Katie talks about why 'Under the Blacklight' is the album she wishes she was 'cool enough' to make, and we really overwork the 'your band is your baby' metaphor.

Listen in the player above or download the episode by clicking here.

Subscribe to the podcast in iTunes here or in other podcasting apps by copying/pasting our RSS feed - http://myfavoritealbum.libsyn.com/rss My Favorite Album is a podcast unpacking the great works of pop music. Each episode features a different songwriter or musician discussing their favorite album of all time - their history with it, the making of the album, individual songs and the album’s influence on their own music. Jeremy Dylan is a filmmaker, journalist and photographer from Sydney, Australia who has worked in the music industry since 2007. He directed the the feature music documentary Jim Lauderdale: The King of Broken Hearts (out now!) and the feature film Benjamin Sniddlegrass and the Cauldron of Penguins, in addition to many commercials and music videos.

If you’ve got any feedback or suggestions, drop us a line at [email protected].

LINKS

- Katie Brianna on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

- Buy ‘Under the Blacklight’ here.

- Jeremy Dylan’s website, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook page.

- Like the podcast on Facebook here.

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R U L E S: Copy this post into a new text post, remove my answers and put in yours. When you are done, tag up to 10 people and also tag the person who tagged you… and most importantly, have fun!

Tagged by @crimsoncat21 (thank you!)

A) Age: 25 going on 90 
B) Biggest fear: being incompetent or bad at sth I desperately wanna be good at/disappointing others, they go hand in hand 
C) Current time: 21:25 
D) Drink you last had: chocolate tea, bc my brain is being noisy af and I need a break and there’s nothing that helps, but tea makes it slightly more bearable 
E) Every day starts with: setting the first foot down outside of the bed and then making yourself keep it there 
F) Favourite song atm: not sure if it’s my favourite, but it’s certainly been playing on repeat in my mind: Ben Howard’s “Depth Over Distance” 
G) Ghosts, are they real?: sure, why not. there’s the ghosts hiding in the shadows, the ghosts of our past, the ghosts haunting our minds, and then there’s all the friendly white critters that go bump in the night 
H) Hometown?: “I've been walking in the same way as I did, missing out the cracks in the pavement, and turning my heel and strutting my feet”  
I) In love with?: the way bruises turn pale into all shades of blue, purple and yellow, the way the sun hits the raindrops on top of the leaves in the morning, the way it reflects off the mist clouding the cold early morning skies. possibly Julien Baker. definitely Chyler Leigh. the way soil catches beneath my fingernails at work and refuses to leave for days after 
J) Jealous of?: get that gross shit away from me. no more of that. 
K) Killed someone?: not so far, hopefully never. 
L) Last time you cried: last night, and again just now, listening to Julien Baker’s “Go Home” 
M) Middle name: - 
N) Number of siblings: one; at least two if I count chosen fam over bio fam. 
O) One wish: for all the people with good hearts to have a peaceful future 
P) Person you last called/texted: @playfullywitty-signoff 
Q) Questions you are always being asked: I’m lucky if I remember my last meal at any given point in time, so.. idk  
R) Reasons to smile: music, rain, snow, sun (when it’s cold out), Chyler and Flo being best buds, good fiction, messages from friends and cool people 
S) Song last sung: "here’s to taking what you came for and here’s to running off the pain, and here’s to just another no man, if you want another, say you need another, here’s to never ending circles, and building them on top of me, and here’s to just another no man, if you want another say you need another” 
T) Time you woke up: 8:03 (am) 
U) Underwear colour: grey, I think, brownish grey. 
W) Worst habits: second guessing and overthinking, biting my nails 
X) X-rays you’ve had: head (multiple times), hips, one of my feet, both hands, left knee (also multiple times), cervical spine, ribcage, and probably a few other things we never wrote down anywhere 
Y) Your favourite food: prob pasta, I certainly eat all kinds of it often enough 
Z) Zodiac sign: sun in virgo/moon in cancer, metal sheep (chinese zodiac)

not tagging anybody bc I’m too tired

Tagged by: @kibitoshinkai​ 

A - Age: 25 going on 26 

B - Biggest fear: Loss/Losing a loved one, The possibility of Nothingness after Death aka the thought of my consciousness just dissipating into nothingness/losing all sense of self after death really scares the crap outta me on a hyperventilating/panic attack kinda level, Heights/Falling, Drowning, Bugs/Insects/Arachnids, Oh, and let’s not forget about Sleep Paralysis, that can be a real bitch too (haven’t had one of those in a really really really long-ass while, welp here’s hoping I didn’t just fucking jinx myself *sigh*). -___-;

C - Current time: 10:25 PM

D - Drink you last had: Vanilla Chai Tea

E - Every day starts with: Waking up perplexed and trying to contemplate what little I can remember of my fleeting dreams, before they slip outta my grasp completely.

F - Favorite song: Tbh, just like with books, films and anime/tv-series, I’m fond of a lot of different varieties of genres of music, and can never really just stick with one sole fave song (from punk-rock, soft rock, indie rock, jazz, hip-hop, r&b, pop, electronic, etc); So for now let’s just say that I’m really digging J-pop/J-rock, RWBY/RvB ost, YYH ost, a mix of several Anime opening/ending themes, 80′s/90′s rock/pop songs, Green Day, etc. ^^;

G - Ghosts, are they real?: Heh, If someone had asked me this years ago, my stubborn smart-ass teenage self would have scoffed and probably would have disputed against this to no end, convinced of the illogicalness of it all. But surprisingly enough, coming from a semi non-religious/agnostic person like myself…..I gotta say: Yes on this one. And I say this for Three reasons. 

The first being, that deep deep down, the mere thought of my consciousness just dissipating into nothingness after death, and losing all sense of self just really really makes me uneasy and overall just really scares the living-shit out of me, on an almost hyperventilating panic-attack kind of level. 

For another, when I was but a mere youngling (around 7-12), we lived in a “supposedly haunted house” (let’s just say that I remember there were times when things def. felt really really off, uneasy, and just plain eerie, the chills down my spine didn’t help either). Who knows maybe growing up with YYH subconsciously helped me not be so damn freaked out about it all, and helped me handle the possibility of it with a bit of grace. lol xD

The last reason, a real personal and selfish one at that, is that deep down, a part of me really wouldn’t mind if the idea of an “afterlife” did hold some real truth to it, mostly cause the thought of meeting up with an old friend of mine that has long since passed from this world, is a rather comforting thought. 

H - Hometown: Back in the day, as a teenager, my friends and classmates would often exaggeratingly refer to it being just: (plain-ass boring), but in reality it was nothing more than a small, quaint, peaceful little town called: Fairfield.  

I - In love with: I’ve always been in love with the art and craft of storytelling; just any and every amazingly well-written / crafted fantastical stories of fiction, in any form of media, whether it be via the written word/books, through anime/web series, TV series, films/movies, videogames, etc. Speaking of which, besides RWBY, I’ve gone and spiraled right back into being in awe of Yu Yu Hakusho, and just how amazing Togashi is at his craft. ^_^

J - Jealous of: Nowadays, nothing really. 

Though the few times I’ve actually felt real envy, were a couple of times as a child …..And the main reason for that was due to the fact that I didn’t have the best childhood, let’s just say that emotional abusement, and domestic house fights all thanks to my super religious Catholic, and overall a pitifully poor excuse of an Aunt who was living with us at the time, obviously didn’t leave me entirely unscathed (hence why I have anxiety problems as well as trust issues, why I used to sometimes have a sorta hard time with religion, struggle with the concept of having faith. But yeah, I guess I’ve sorta made my peace with it all……But back to the matter at hand, that’s why, as a kid, I envied those, whom I presumed must of had a nice, stable and so-called “normal” childhood.

….Yup, though that was indeed a particularly dim time in my life, I’m just glad that Yu Yu Hakusho helped get me through most of that shit, which was nice, well that and the possibility that our old-house was “supposedly haunted” (so yeah, I could sorta relate to Yusuke on some of these levels, which at the time helped me to feel less alone and less of a misfit than I thought I previously was, especially in regards to not having the best or normal living situation, nor the best childhood, and that a team/group of friends was also a real possibility of the word “family”, it’s why I don’t take betrayal lightly and why I value the concept of friendship / loyalty / camaraderie so damn highly, it helped to fill a much needed void). ^^;

The other time I felt a twinge of jealousy were a couple of times during my pre-teens/teenage years (mostly for stupid silly little reasons), like feeling a bit insecure about my place in certain friendships, but being reassured later on that I wasn’t being replaced, or overlooked. (like I said it was stupid). ^^;

N - Number of siblings: None, I am an only child.

O - One wish: I wish could have gone about things a little bit differently in the past….. So many things that were left unsaid, things I didn’t realize back then that I had taken for granted or should have appreciated more. 

Oh, and let’s not forget the stupid, silly, face-palming moments I had as an adolescent that still haunt me/make me slightly cringe from embarrassment to this day; some I’m willing to accept and can even look fondly back on …..but, there are a few stupid moments (things I’ve said that had slightly hurt others) were I wish I could just go back in time and slap myself upside the head for, or at least take back and erase all together). -__-;

But in all seriousness, there is one thing I really wish for. Remember that old friend of mine that I mentioned a while back in this post…..well, it’s been about 8 years give or take since they passed away from cancer, I was 19 when it happened, and I know I’ve made my peace with that ages ago, but there are still times I really wish I hadn’t taken those moments with my friend for granted; looking back I really wish I had taken the time to really appreciate it all a lot more.

My old friend was the type of person who said they considered themselves as “obnoxious” (which always left me rather perplexed and made me raise an eyebrow skeptically at them in response; I never once considered them as obnoxious, I mean stubborn sure, optimistic and always trying to look for the good in any situation as well as an incredibly kind and gentle soul, for damn sure, quick-witted, wise, with a brilliant mind when it came to arithmetic and science most definitely (something I really respected, admired and even left me a little in awe with how natural and easily these two subjects came for them, considering I can’t even solve a sudoku puzzle to save my life, that’s how bad me and math don’t mix lol), was incredibly open-minded (a trait I always had but later became even more reinforced and ingrained into my psyche in thanks to them) even though they were religiously devoted and faithful to a tee (something I still struggle with from time to time but have long since their passing, semi changed my perspective on), something which used to cause us to butt heads here and there, was a massive Star Wars, Lord of Rings / Tolkien, and Firefly fan, was real fond of the color green and Tigger from Winnie the Pooh (hence their fave TTFN aka Ta Ta For Now farewell they’d give), was the type to give the best out of the blue bear-hugs, was someone whom like myself really loved the rain (used to say that they considered it quite cleansing to the soul) was the person who first introduced me to the wonders of Tea, was a bright light in my life that helped healed the scars and broken remnants that remained from my really messed childhood, was someone I greatly admired as well as respected, and was maybe even a little more of a playful dork than I could ever wish to be (I mean, for fuck’s sake, we used to have actual poke-wars and keep tabs of who was winning). lol xD  

But never, never did I once think that they were annoying or obnoxious.

……..I just wish it could have occurred to me at the time to have told them that face to face (back when there was still time), and reassured them otherwise, I mean looking back at it now, in hindsight, it was obviously something they were always a little insecure about and just played it off half-jokingly, something I never even realized till now, and It kinda twinges/tugs at my heartstrings a bit (in regret) that it just never really occurred to my stupid, oblivious, teenage self back then to have told them otherwise. 

I just hope that deep down my dear old friend knew how much we cared, how much they really mattered to us in the end, as well as how deeply and sorely they’re still missed (cause not a day goes by where I don’t think of them). But most importantly, I hope they knew that they were someone I was real damn proud to consider and call: Friend. :’)

P - Person you last texted: My Mom

Q - Questions you’re always asked: Besides the typical, “What’s up?” or “How are you?” lol xD…. Lately it’s been things like: What are your thoughts / speculations on what’s to come for the latest season of RWBY and the like, which is nice, considering the hiatus we’re currently on. ^-^

S - Song last sung: More like hummed; I had that damn catchy Level E Opening Theme song stuck in my head a few nights ago, and ended up humming it whilst in the shower. lol x)

T -Time you woke up: 6:00 A.M. 

U - Underwear color: Black and White.

V - Vacation destination: Japan would be pretty cool. :D

W - Worst habits: Besides my bouts of indecisiveness, speaking fast when I’m nervous, and insomnia from time to time as well as coffee being my vice? o.o 

Hmm - Welp, let’s see….I can be a real worry-wart, and have a bad-habit to unnecessarily over-think and mull over even the littlest things, especially over past or upcoming situations (I can thank my anxiety/social anxiety for that one).

I also have a really hard time when it comes to opening-up/baring my soul aka letting others get too emotionally close to me. Rest assured, I’m not proud of it, but it seems like keeping to myself or keeping others at arm’s length seems to be my go-to comfort-zone / coping mechanism when it comes to avoiding getting hurt, and what’s worse, if it get’s really bad, I tend to do this subconsciously and pull away or distant myself emotionally for a bit, especially on harder days, when I’m more susceptible towards my depression, which really really fucking sucks cause if there’s one thing I really value rather highly, it’s the concept of loyalty / friendship / camaraderie a great deal.

....And it’s not like I want to deliberately push people away, the problem is that over the years it has manifested itself as a goddamn reflex, hence it being one of my more worse bad habits that I sometimes still find myself struggling with at times (and it doesn’t help that as an introvert, I prefer to really enjoy time on my own / quiet moments to myself a lot more). 

Tch, I’m starting to sound like a loner / lone wolf here. -____-;

....Either way, I guess I gotta thank my fucking social anxiety/apathy/depression and overall past trust-issues for this one as well. *sigh* Trust me, I know I have issues, and if this affects you in anyway, just know that it ain’t nothing personally against you, I know/am well aware that I’m the damn problem.  -__-;

X - X-rays you’ve had: Dental X-rays when going to the Dentist, but yeah that’s it really (never broken a bone in my life). ^^;

Y - Your favorite food: I’m actually really partial to: Italian and Chinese food, though I’m always down for doing a small cook-out/grill out once and awhile. 

Z - Zodiac sign: Western Zodiac (Leo) / Chinese Zodiac (Sheep/Ram).

Tagging: @angelotics , @theamazingflyinglion , @the-dork-knight-dot-exe , @spidersmiceandeverythingnice , @bottomofthewell , @nightjasmine10 , @1nerdygurl , @desenhosrabisco , @yangsmash , @hellfire47 , @boserwulf , @red-moon-eclipse , @youko-fairy , @ravenhull , @animatedjoke , @tifa-the-bacon-goddess , @fionaandcake27 , @howtobook101 , @blueteamproblem

Lolita 100 questions tag

1. Screen-name and date of birth, please tell us these~

Chumimiin/Alice, 6/6 2. Height, weight, clothing size, and shoe size? 1,65 m / 54 kg / M / 39 3. Why did you start to dress lolita?

I fell in love with the lolita aesthetic at a really young age, when I discovered Japanese culture and subcultures. For years and years I wished I could be able to wear such gorgeous clothes once I grew up, so many years later my dream came true 4. Which style of lolita do you like? My favourite style is classic, but I love old school as well. Also I have a thing for sweet otome! 5. Express in your own words, the ideal of your above answer.

Various elements and colours that look really good together and a key concept that keeps everything united. 6. Do you have piercings? Where? Both earlobes. 7. Which brands do you like? Innocent World, Emily Temple Cute, Victorian Maiden, Baby the Stars Shine Bright. 8. Which are your favourite clothes (that you have)? Westminster JSK and Crown Jewels JSK by IW, Twinkle Tartan Heart Pocket JSK 9. How many lolita friends do you have? IDK MANY but unfortunately I don’t see them very often.

10. What do you love most about lolita? The huge variety of prints, the love for details and gorgeous materials, the femininity and the creativity you necessarily need to coordinate various items for an outfit.

11. What do you hate about it? Any pet peeves? Not really. I’m just kinda sad this fashion is dying in my country.

12. What lolita magazines do you read? I don’t read any magazine on regular basis, but I own a couple of Kera.

13. Headdresses, bonnets or ribbons/hairbows? Berets and simple bows. 14. Do you wear bloomers? No but I’d love to own a pair of old school ones! 15. Do you tie headdresses at the front or in the back? Always at the front! You must SUFFER lmao 16. Who is your favourite band/type of music? I listen to many different genres, but my favourites atm are folk rock and lo-fi. 17. What is your phone ring tone~? A boring one 18. Do you go to concerts in lolita? Noooo I’m not crazy enough 19. For people who attend concerts: do you headbang there? It depends 20. What colours do you like? Pink, bordeaux, black, gold. 21. What are your hobbies? Drawing, cosplay, workout, taking long walks, watching movies/shows/documentaries. 22. If you have any favourite perfumes, please tell us. La Petite Robe Noire by Guerlain. It’s perfect for lolita fashion. 23. Is there anything you are careful of in lolita? About my dresses and makeup.

24. Do you have any favourite haunts to go to in lolita? Not really, I like to go to different places each time. 25. How many times a week do you dress lolita? I used to dress it really often, now it’s been 4 months since the last time I wore it (too hot here). 26. Please tell us an embarrassing story from when you were a lolita beginner. Since I used to lurk A LOT on the Internet before getting to actually wear lolita, I never had a super embarrassing ita phase, although my first coord wasn’t that good... 27. What is your current hairstyle and colour? Short curly dark brown hair. Not very suited for lolita but whatevs.

28. What is your lolita history?

Discovery : It was 2007, I believe

First real item : 2013. I went to Tokyo and bought some stuff from Bodyline and Closet Child

In between : lurking and lurking and lurking and crying over the beauty I couldn’t have.

29. Do you store your clothes in a special place? In one half of my closet. 30. Did you ever think about quitting lolita? What was the reason? I kinda lost interest in it during this year, but I’m falling again 31. What is your motto? I’m bad with mottos lmao 32. What are your dreams of the future? Being able to find my way and be happy. 33. “This person is so perfect for lolita!” - Do you ever think that about certain celebrities? No. 34. Are there any products/items of which you have with a fond memory? Westminster JSK, it was my dream dress and I was so happy when it came in the mail I was about to cry. 35. What was your first item? I can’t remember, maybe an OP from Bodyline. 36. Do you have a signature pose for photos? No, I keep it simple 37. What is your heart’s bible? [book/magazine/CD/etc…] IDK I can’t choose just one thing. 38. What is the best height (cm) for heels? 6 cm  39. Do you wear tiaras? No, I don’t like them. 40. Do you think you want to try prince style? What kind of prince? Gothic/dark prince? Or “prince on a white horse” style? I’d like to try it! I’d like to go for “gorgeous young prince living in a fairy tale” style. 41. What types of lace do you like? Torchon lace and some laces used by IW. 42. Do you own a doll? Does owning it give you fun, childish feelings? No, but I think they’re beautiful. 43. What is in your lolita bag? Wallet, phone, keys, pochette with emergency makeup (?), earphones, power bank. 44. What is your favourite flower? Hydrangeas. 45. Right now, what is your favourite accessory? An offbrand necklace with pearls and a crown pendant. 46. Please recommend some cosmetics. Revolution palettes, NYX epic ink eyeliner, Urban Decay contour palette 47. With eye-tape your eyes look like a doll’s! What eyelashes will you wear? NYX’s. 48. What is your eye makeup for these eyelashes? I like to change it every time 49. Red Lipstick? Blue? Black? Pink? Pink or soft orange. Or gradient lips with dark red/pink. 50. Which nail polish do you normally choose? Pink, bordeaux or black. 51. Have you ever changed in a train station bathroom? No. 52. What do you think of “twin” and “triplet” lolitas? Super cute! 53. How do you keep in shape for lolita? Recommend something. I keep in shape for my health, not for a fashion... 

54. Do you keep calm when you wear lolita alone in public? Not really, but I try to ignore everyone by listening to music and minding my business. 55. How much do you spend per month on clothes/accessories? I don’t spend much money anymore. 56. Was there a time lag between knowing about lolita and dressing in the fashion? Yes, I couldn’t afford it for a long time. 57. What is your most expensive lolita item? Westminster JSK 58. It takes a lot of money to be a lolita. How do you save? I work and resell stuff I don’t need anymore. 59. Just a little secret here… How much have you spent so far on lolita, roughly? I don’t know, some thousands of € 60. Is there a brand shop you want near where you live? IW, Emily Temple Cute, Leur Getter.

61. “Man, what a rip-off!!” Have you ever thought that about a store? Some AP dresses look cheap af in real life... 62. Do you shop online? If so, put the good & bad points here to advise others. Good point: huge variety of stuff. Bad point: shipping is expensive most of the times. 63. Is there a secret person/shop that you have commissioned a dress just for you from? No. 64. “I can never have that/see that happening!! But I will always want it!!” Is there a brand you think this of? Jane Marple and Victorian Maiden stuff, because it’s too expensive. Also, my ultimate dream dress: Lotta JSK in green by IW.

65. What do you do with the clothes you don’t want anymore? I try selling them. 66. What is your most recent purchase? (Even non-lolita.) Queen Mary Fragrance JSK in pink by ETC (my otome dream dress!) 67. Is there an item you love that you can’t buy/seem to find? Lots of Victorian Maiden stuff and veeeery old dresses 68. What do you think of people who only wear lolita to concerts? Do they really exist? 69. What do you think of lolitas without makeup? If they feel comfortable with no makeup, good for them. 70. Another lolita is wearing the same coordinate/clothes as you!! What do you do? ”TWEEEEEEEENSSSSS” 71. What age should you stop wearing lolita? when I get tired of it. I don’t think my anagraphic age would matter. 72. When do you think you should graduate from lolita? And why? See previous answer. 73. “You should stop doing that!!! >_<” What must a lolita not do? Passive-aggressively harassing other lolitas. I mean, what are you, 12? 74. “A lolita should be ‘this’!” What do you think that should be? A person who has fun with this fashion. 75. Besides #73, is there anything you should definitely not do while wearing lolita? Anything socially unacceptable/illegal lmao. 76. What do you think of men in lolita? Same thing of women in lolita. 77. Did you change yourself to be a lolita? I try to act more feminine.

78. What does your family and other people think of you dressing lolita? And do you accept it? My mother loves it, my sister thinks it’s a weird hobby and kind of a waste of money, but she likes it overall. 79. How do you wear lolita in the boiling mid-summer? No. 80. Have you gone to school or work in lolita? Both.

81. How do you dress normally? Very genderless. 82. Do you think twice about buying second-hand clothes? I avoid buying items in very bad conditions. 83. Do you have a boyfriend? (or husband?) Does he understand lolita? No. 84. Please tell us about your ideal man. I don’t have one. 85. What lolita has left a big, shiny impression on you so far? Fanny Rosie

86. Have you made your own clothes? What are they like? No but I want to sew something soon. 87. Have you made your own accessories? What did you make? I made a bow and two straw hats. 88. Think about the best item you have made! What is it? One of the hats. It has white and lilac flowers and a gingham ribbon. 89. Please tell us about the most perfect lolita coordination you wear. I don’t really remember lol 90. Do you admire someone? What are they like? IDK 91. “One day I will go on a date with that person.” What would you like to wear for him? Not lolita.

92. If you want one, what type of store would you open in the future? A multibrand j-fashion store. 93. Something catches your eye. What is this motif? Flowers, keys, crowns, gingham, books. 94. Would you dress your child in lolita? I don’t want children. 95. How much do you spend on one outfit? 200/350 € 96. “This is lolita!!” Please say what you would say this about. Something with good quality lace and bows. 97. “I have always wanted to try that once!” What, in the lolita world, have you wanted to try wearing? Ouji! 98. Look at yourself in lolita. In one word/phrase, how would you express your style/image? Well balanced. 99. What is your lolita ideal? Having a wardrobe I’d be proud of. 100. Thank you for taking this baton!! Tell us what you think! It took me 27 years but it was fun

BEST ALBUMS 2018

Ok here we go again for 2018, shall we?

Hon. Mentions: Negro Swan - Blood Orange; Singularity - Jon Hopkins; Elsewhere - Ryan Hemsworth; Scorpion - Drake; Diplomatic Ties - The Diplomats; Some Rap Songs - Earl Sweatshirt; FM! - Vince Staples; Rally Cry - Arkells; I’m All Ears - Let’s Eat Grandma; Be The Cowboy - Mitski; Kamikaze - Eminem; Ye - Kanye West; KIDS SEE GHOSTS - Kanye West and Kid Cudi; Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino - Arctic Monkeys; Black Panther: The Album - Kendrick Lamar, et al; KOD - J. Cole; Culture II - Migos; Hive Mind - The Internet; God’s Favorite Customer - Father John Misty; Blood - Rhye; Both Ways - Donovan Woods; Songs of the Plains - Colter Wall

10) Swimming - Mac Miller

This one was tough. Malcolm James McCormick’s fifth studio album was barely out three months before he left us. It’s hard to evaluate Swimming in isolation of Miller’s untimely death at age 26. Especially since, in my mind, the album represents something of a turning point for the former frat rapper. Recorded in the wake of Miller’s high profile breakup with Ariana Grande and in the midst of public struggles with addiction, Swimming is full of heartache and soul bearing self-reflection. Sonically, Mac’s airy raps and crooning vocals float over jazzy beats and orchestral accompaniments, with help from Thundercat and Dev Hynes. There’s room for fun as well amid the melancholy - the more upbeat Ladders and What’s the Use? are sure enough to keep a dance floor moving. The worst thing about Swimming is really how good it is, and how it felt like Mac Miller was on the cusp on something great we’ll now never see. 

Highlights: Self Care, What’s The Use?, 2009, Ladders

9) QUARTERTHING - Joey Purp

Chance the Rapper’s Savemoney compatriot Joey Purp is like a breath of fresh air. QUARTERTHING’s 14 tracks, most clocking in at under 3 minutes, come fast and furious like Purp’s (mostly) un-autotuned flow. Joey’s full throated, almost Meek-Mill-esque, delivery gives the album a mixtape-like authenticity - notwithstanding the varied and expert production from the likes of RZA, Knox Fortune and frequent Chance collaborator Nate Fox. The opening 24k Gold/Sanctified, and Hallelujah just two tracks later, feel downright celebratory pairing Purp’s flow behind a blaring big band sound. Others, like Look At My Wrist and Paint Thinner, are Chicago Drill and house inspired, feeling like they’d be right at home in a sweaty club basement. Lyrically, Purp is a classic hip-hop storyteller and street documentarian, drawing from experiences in a former life selling drugs and the violence of his home city. This impressive studio album debut is more than enough to solidify Joey Purp’s place among an exciting new generation of Chicago rappers.

Highlights: 24k Gold/Sanctified (ft. Ravyn Lenae & Jack Red), Godbody (ft. RZA) [Pt. 2], Hallelujah, Look At My Wrist (ft. Cdot Honcho), Karl Malone

8) Golden Hour - Kacey Musgraves

Kacey Musgraves is clearly in the pantheon of artists that can’t release an album without it making this list (I rated Pageant Material #8 in 2015 and Same Trailer, Different Park #9 in 2013... both criminally underrated in retrospect). Musgraves continued to be a revelation with her third album. There was a great Ezra Koenig quote last year, where he talked about seeing Musgraves’ concert and being inspired by the clarity of her music: “from the first verse, you knew who was singing, who they were singing to, what kind of situation they were in”. On Golden Hour, she maintains that clarity, stretching a little more outside the traditional country sound into pop and disco-inspired melodies. I do miss the dry humour and rebellious spirit of the previous two Musgraves outings, I’ll admit. You won’t find any overt weed references here, but Kacey finds plenty of ways to remind us how few fucks she gives about the Nashville country establishment. Golden Hour also shows off some of Musgraves’ strongest songwriting to date - the sprawling Space Cowboy stands out as one of the best singles of the year in any genre. I’m probably in the minority in thinking Golden Hour is not my favourite Kacey Musgraves album, but it’s still one of my favourite albums of 2018.

Highlights: Slow Burn, Space Cowboy, High Horse, Love is a Wild Thing

7) Lush - Snail Mail

It’s about to become clear that there is a “women in indie rock” movement happening on this year’s list. The debut album from 18 year old singer-songwriter Lindsey Jordan is one of the most aptly titled records of 2018. Lush’s indie rock soundscapes are just that. Loud, full and richly textured. Jordan’s crystal clear vocals soar and float above her ringing guitar chords and riffs. The songwriting is perhaps what you’d expect from an 18 year old, full of heartbreak, confusion and teen angst. She does it well though. As the first chorus builds on Heat Wave, Jordan’s voice builds: “And I hope whoever it is Holds their breath around you, 'Cause I know I did”. The album’s standout track for me is Full Control which crescendos to a refrain of: “I'm in full control, I'm not lost, Even when it's love, Even when it's not.” At the same time, Lush exudes a maturity and a nostalgia that hearkens back to Snail Mail’s spiritual predecessors like Cat Power or Fiona Apple. Snail Mail was one of many reasons that 2018 gave me hope that there’s a future for indie rock and “guitar music” generally. I’m very much looking forward to seeing what’s next.

Highlights: Pristine, Full Control, Deep Sea, Heat Wave

6) boygenius EP - boygenius

The only thing that ever held me back from including boygenius on this list was my long held view that “an EP is not an album”. Well, since Kanye decided that 7 songs can be an “album” why not 6? Any album that has 6 songs as good as the 6 on boygenius EP would make this list! boygenius is the indie “supergroup” made up of Phoebe Bridgers, Lucy Dacus and the holder of last year’s #3 album on this list, Julien Baker - all accomplished solo acts in their own right. Predictably, the whole is something greater than the sum of its parts. boygenius EP’s six songs are a tour de force amalgam of indie, country and folk (owing to the band’s cross-genre Nashville and Viriginia roots) full of raw emotion and grit. Dacus, Bridgers and Baker seem made to perform, and sing, together. The harmonies on this record make boygenius sound like an indie rock iteration of Destiny’s Child or an edgier, less twangy version of the Dixie Chicks. The songs do not hold back, with high highs and low lows. On Me & My Dog, the soaring chorus evokes an escapist dream: “I wish I was on a spaceship, Just me and my dog and an impossible view”. The emotional highpoint of the record might be Baker and Bridgers’ chorus on Salt in the Wound apexing with: “I’m gnashing my teeth, Like a child of Cain, If this is a prison I’m willing to buy my own chain”. I can’t stop watching live videos of these three - they seem so at home onstage together. As excited as I’d be to see boygenius become more than a side project, I’m equally excited to see what’s next for Bridgers, Dacus and Baker on their own.

Highlights: Me & My Dog, Stay Down, Salt In the Wound, Ketchum ID

5) DAYTONA - Pusha T

YUGH! Amid Kanye’s unhinged tweets, messy, disorganized projects, and Oval Office visits, DAYTONA, the 7 track album he entirely produced for G.O.O.D. Music veteran Pusha T, was one thing that gave us hope that Kanye hadn’t completely lost his touch (or his mind) in 2018. DAYTONA showcases both producer Kanye and King Push at the absolute peak of their talents. It’s amazing, in this era of Xanax-fuelled mumblerap, to think how long we’ve been listening to Kanye and Push do their thing. Lord Willin’ introduced the world to Pusha T in 2002 (alongside his brother Malice, as he then was, as the iconic rap duo Clipse). The College Dropout came out two years later. I still remember buying the CDs and wearing out my discman with both of them. It’s easy to forget that Kanye and Terrence “King Push” Thornton are both 41 years old! There’s something refreshing about two guys in their forties still being able to make a banging rap record about selling drugs and buying expensive shit. Push said DAYTONA was made “for my family...high taste level, luxury, drug raps fans.”  Those fans are well served by DAYTONA. After the beat comes in on album opener If You Know You Know, Push sounds like he’s speaking directly to his day one fans, raising a styrofoam cup to: “This thing of ours, oh, this thing of ours”. The album exudes the bravado of an MC on top of his game confident in the knowledge that he’s spitting bars on a classic. And we can’t forget the incendiary Infrared, the song that touched off a vicious beef between Pusha T and rap’s biggest star, Drake, ending after Push revealed in a diss track that Drake was hiding his son from the world. Almost 20 years on, Pusha T is still ready to go war, still “clickin’ like Golden State” and still wearing the crown as King Push. Long may he reign.

Highlights: If You Know You Know, The Games We Play, Hard Piano (ft. Rick Ross), Infrared

4) Honey - Robyn

I found myself slightly disappointed in Honey at first, largely because my expectations for Robyn’s first album in eight years were based on the high energy electro-pop brilliance of 2010′s Body Talk. What I should have realized is that, if Robyn were going to make another Body Talk, she wouldn’t have kept us waiting this long. Honey is not Body Talk - you won’t find another Call Your Girlfriend or Dancing on My Own among its nine silky smooth tracks. But it is no less brilliant. If I can forget that Beach2k20 exists for a second, it feels pretty darn close to a perfect album. Honey betrays a lighter touch for Robyn, perhaps more in tune with the sound of the moment. A little more euro house and disco tinged, Honey furthers the Swedish songstress’s long evolution away from the pop idol of her late 90′s past. Honey still embodies Robyn’s signature juxtaposition of electronic dance rhythms alongside themes of sadness, loneliness and heartbreak. And songs like Honey and Missing U can still light up any dancefloor. The highlight for me is the slow-building Send to Robin Immediately, which just swells over its Lil Louis sample as Robyn urges the listener into action: “If you got something to say, say it right away. If you got something to do, do what's right for you. If you got somebody to love, give that love today. Know you got nothing to lose, there's no time to waste”. In between albums, and while writing Honey, Robyn lived through the death of a longtime collaborator and a breakup and reunion with a romantic partner. The emotional toll of these experiences seem to shine through. Robyn told the BBC’s Annie Mac earlier this year: “When I wrote this album I think I was quite tired of myself writing sad love songs, but I did anyway and looking back on that now, I think it's OK for things to be sad. Combining it with something that's bright and strong and powerful is a way of finding your way out of the sadness.” 

Highlights: Missing U, Human Being (ft. Zhala), Send to Robin Immediately, Honey

3) Clean - Soccer Mommy

Clean, the impressive debut album from 20 year old Nashville singer-songwriter Sophie Allison, was the first album I heard this year that I 100% knew would be on this list. By the time Your Dog hits at the third track, I was completely enthralled. That song is so goddamn rock and roll with Allison sparing no mercy for the subject shitty boyfriend of the opening verse: “I don't wanna be your fucking dog, That you drag around, A collar on my neck tied to a pole, Leave me in the freezing cold”. Elsewhere, on Still Clean, Allison plays with gruesome animalistic imagery singing of an ex-lover picking her “out your bloody teeth”. There is a warmer side to Clean as well. Scorpio Rising, with it’s “bubbly and sweet like Coca-Cola” softness and lyrics about meeting up after dark and missed calls from your mother definitely remind you that Allison is a self-professed devotee of Taylor Swift’s early work (which should give you another idea of why I love this album). Speaking of T-Swift, the rollicking Last Girl almost mirrors You Belong With Me in describing the crushing insecurity of comparing oneself to a new partner’s ex, somehow pulling off lyrics like “I want to be like your last girl, She's the sun in your cold world and, I am just a dying flower, I don't hold the summer in my eyes” as if that were a totally normal thing to say. Beneath the upbeat riff of Cool, where Allison idolizes the cool girl “with a heart of coal, She’ll break you down and eat you whole” is the understanding that being that person won’t bring her the happiness she seeks. Acceptance of one’s emotions and insecurities is the core theme of Clean - that “You gon’ be like that” (as Allison put it to the Fader) and you’ll be happier once you accept you for you. In many ways, Clean evokes a similar vibe to the Snail Mail and boygenius entries further up this year’s list, as a scrappy “girl with a guitar” indie record and a tongue-in-cheek stage name. That sense of charming honesty is what, I think, makes Clean stand above the other entries on this list.

Highlights: Cool, Your Dog, Last Girl, Scorpio Rising

2) Lamp Lit Prose - Dirty Projectors

The first of our top two is another repeat offender on this list (a previous incarnation of the Projectors’ Swing Lo Magellan had #7 back in 2012 and last year’s eponymous Dirty Projectors was my 2017 #8). I loved every minute of Lamp Lit Prose - it’s almost a 1B for me on this list and was pencilled in at 1 for a time in the drafting process. This album has everything that was good about last year’s DPs record but is, ultimately, tighter, more fun, less weird and less sad. Dave Longstreth appears to have moved on (at least musically) from the emotions he was working through on Dirty Projectors, which was essentially an extended meditation on the breakup of his relationship with Amber Coffman and the band’s upheaval. With Lamp Lit Prose, his “new look” Dirty Projectors (with help from friends like Syd, Rostam and HAIM) have put together something a little more traditional (by Dirty Projectors standards) and a lot more listenable. Longstreth told Exclaim that this album, compared its morose predecessor, “is really about feeling hope again, finding the things that give us hope, that make us feel optimistic and joyful.” Lamp Lit Prose falls somewhere between the twangly, jam band atmosphere of the Projector’s Swing Lo Magellan and Bitte Orca heyday and the more experimental, electronic-infused vibe of the Dirty Projectors released 18 months prior. Longstreth’s guitar riffs are again front and centre, but the voice modulation and distorted electronic sounds are still there, albeit in a more subtle way. Four part harmonies bounce over the jazzy melodies and hopeful lyrics. Where he was mourning a lost love on the last record, here we see Longstreth “in love for the first time ever” on I Found It In U (a salvaged beat from his work on Solange’s last album). On Break Thru, the un-named romantic subject is held up as “an epiphany” with comparisons in quick succession to Archimedes, Fellini and Julian Casablancas. The horn-backed chorus on What Is The Time is the high point of the record for me - the kind of song that makes you want to raise your voice and join in on the hook. All in all, it’s just great to hear this band making fun music again. Lamp Lit Prose is upbeat, creative and simply a joy to listen to. I absolutely loved this album... but just not quite enough to edge out our number 1.

Highlights: Break-Thru, That’s a Lifestyle, I Found It In U, What Is The Time

1) ASTROWORLD - Travis Scott

IT’S LIT!!! I would have never predicted that a Travis Scott album would land here at number 1, but here we are. And I feel good about it. ASTROWORLD dominated my listening from its mid-summer release onward and, with each spin, I became increasingly convinced of its greatness. Travis is an artist that I’ve long found perplexing. Insanely popular among his legions of young fans, he embodies so much of the “new rap” ethos, the first genre of music where I’ve started to feel like I might be ‘too old’ to enjoy it. It was clear on his prior outings, Rodeo and Birds in the Trap Sing McKnight, that the talent and creativity was there, but the overall product always seemed messy, disorganized, unpolished. With ASTROWORLD, Scott finally has made his Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. The album is named for a former Six Flags theme park in Scott’s hometown of Houston that was torn down a decade ago and still sits vacant. Previewing the title of the album, Scott told GQ last year: "They tore down AstroWorld to build more apartment space. That's what it's going to sound like, like taking an amusement park away from kids. We want it back. We want the building back. That's why I'm doing it. It took the fun out of the city." True to his word, the album’s 17 tracks are tied together by an overarching creepy, grimy sound. Listening to ASTROWORLD feels like walking through an abandoned theme park. Even more impressive is how Travis, as curator of the album’s varied guest list, bends the star studded guest appearances to his will, fitting them in perfectly to his dank sonic menagerie. The likes of Frank Ocean, the Weeknd, Swae Lee, Tame Impala and James Blake don’t overpower Scott’s vision but blend into the scenery, their talents employed perfectly by Travis in the role of ringmaster. Newcomers get some shine too, like Scott’s Cactus Jack labelmate Sheck Wes who gets a guest verse on NO BYSTANDERS and a shoutout to his ubiquitous single from Travis on 5% TINT: “We did some things out on the ways that we can't speak, All I know it was "Mo Bamba" on repeat”. And then, there’s SICKO MODE. Why is it that the best Drake song each year invariably comes from someone else’s album, even in a year where Drizzy himself releases a double album? The ASTROWORLD track list, at least initially, left out the featured artists, so hearing Drake’s voice over the opening notes of the album’s third track was the first time most listeners had any indication that the 6ixgod himself would be making an appearance. What a wonderful surprise it turns out to be. SICKO MODE, the album’s best track, feels like three or four different songs as the beat changes form and Travis and Drake pass the mic back and forth. The song’s Tay Keith produced final act (the “out like a light” part) is for my money the best two minutes of hip hop music made in 2018. ASTROWORLD succeeds on its grandeur, vision and consistency. Travis Scott set out to build something big and from the moment the bass kicks in on STARGAZING through to the mellow, string backed denouement of COFFEE BEAN, he succeeds at every turn. ASTROWORLD was 2018′s biggest, most creative, most sonically consistent and most fun album in hip-hop. In my estimation, it’s the best album of the year.

Highlights: STARGAZING, CAROUSEL (ft. Frank Ocean), SICKO MODE (ft. Drake, Swae Lee and Big Hawk), WAKE UP (ft. The Weeknd), CAN’T SAY (ft. Don Toliver)

That’s all folks. Thanks for reading and see ya in 2019.

Dancemix 1995

A huge source of fun for me since I was about 9 years old has been making mix-tapes.  Anyone that knew me through my Junior High school years knew this to be a huge part of my personality, being the guy who would bring his portable stereo to school to share his latest compilation.

At the time I affectionately referred to them as Millermixes, complete with hand-drawn album artwork and liner notes.  I’m pretty sure the first edition came out in 1993, a mix of dance, pop, rap and rock and I couldn’t have been more excited about it.  A large part of my inspiration at the time came from Much Music’s Dancemix albums which especially in the early 90s were always amazing.

There are few projects in my life that I have given as much critical thought as putting these awesome little mixtapes together. It was somewhere over the winter that I decided to re-stoke this old talent, starting my first Mixtape as an homage to 1995 (this was partly due to the fact that I always found MuchMusic’s Dance Mix 95 to be a little lacking, Whigfield aside.)

Is mine better?  I think so, but you be the judge. Read through the list and let me know which ones make you excited too. Do feel free to add any extra songs you think I might have forgotten!

Dancemix 1995

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6kS2YdEwL_p4bRDTyKm5J8DXsruPB7-h

1) RUNAWAY - Janet Jackson

Every good mix-tape starts with a slower groove to set the tone, this song felt like the perfect place to start. It was the new bonus track from Janet Jackson’s first greatest hits album Design of a Decade and was absolutely everywhere this year, radio and TV alike.  It gets your head grooving in a very 90s sort of way.

2) COME AND GET YOUR LOVE - Real McCoy

This was a cover version of a popular 70s song originally recorded by a super talented Native American rock band called Redbone.  This version unapologetically transforms it into gracious 90s dance iwth the addition of synth bass, chorus girls and a goateed euro-guy rapping in the verses.  It makes me feel like I’m on vacation.

3) FANTASTIC VOYAGE - Coolio

While Coolio is largely only remembered for Gangsta’s Paradise, this song released a year prior was just so much cooler. It is a sample from an early 80s song of the same name (check out the video, they have a choreographed dance and wear hats!) Coolio spits both some hard truths and some powerful messages of universal love in this song.  The video also features a pretty awesome looking beach party that spills out of his 1965 Chevy Impala (seriously, if Coolio invited me to his beach party, I would be honoured to arrive in his 1965 Chevy Impala!)

4) FANTASY - Mariah Carey

This song was so big that it never actually went away. It lives on in Las Vegas most nights of the year with girls and boys of every age singing along (although I have a feeling only the audience members in their 30s like me remember the rap in the middle by WuTang’s ODB.) It is also a sample of a song from the early 80s called Genius of Love recorded by members of The Talking Heads called Tom Tom Club. The original version actually originated the “What You Gonna Do When You Get Out Of Jail” line, way ahead of its time!  Mariah’s version blends Pop, Dance and Rap music in such a brilliant way that it literally changed the course of her career (seriously, you won’t find another Mariah single without a rapper on it after this hit!)

5) FAT BOY - Max-A Million

These are the same guys that brought you the remix of Sexual Healing, an awesome reggae-inspired dance group that literally came and went in the mid-90s.  I remember owning this CD and playing the heck out of both of these tracks.  I’m sure the rest of the album was pretty good too, but I never did give it a chance. I guess no one else did either. Awesome song!

6) STAYIN Alive - N-Trance

I feel like this song shows my age more than any other as if I was older at the time this came out I’m not sure it would have made the list.  "Get warm with the fever on the dance floor" sounds pretty cheesy to my ears now, but the memories it evokes are too big to deny.  Plus it is fun to respond to the call back in the middle of the song. “Everybody in the house let me hear you say ho ho ho….”

7) BOOM BOOM BOOM - Outhere Brothers

In the same somewhat-cheesy fashion of the previous song I couldn’t resist including this classic from the Outhere Brothers. Known for their incredibly offensive lyrics, it is best to play the edited version in front of your parents or risk feeling embarrassed forever.  I played a lot of basketball through the years the Outhere Brothers were popular, awesome pump-up music that gets you moving (again, the second a teach walked in, this song had to be stopped immediately.)

8) THE BOMB (THESE SOUNDS FALL INTO MY MIND) - The Bucketheads

So good!  This is the beginning of the “Classic House” section of my mix-tape. This song was also a bit ahead of its time with much of today’s dance music sounding quite similar (see This Girl, Kungs vs. Cookin.) It is impossible to stop your shoulders from moving when this groove hits you.  It is one of those songs I will still dance to in the nursing home and will embarrass the hell out of my grand-kids. Looking forward to it!

9) RELAX - Crystal Waters

In making these mix-tapes it helped me realize how much I absolutely adore Crystal Waters!  She is the same artist that brought you 100% Pure Love and is actually STILL making music! This song in particular has some amazing lyrics, gracious melody and such attention to detail that it is certainly worthy or re-listens. SIDENOTE: If you have time, do check out her remix of “The Price Is Right” theme song; It seems random at first yes, but SO good to my 90s ears.

10) TOO MANY FISH - Frankie Knuckles

I stayed on the “House” journey for a few songs including this somewhat obscure 90s classic. Likely you only remember if you went to raves in the 90s or watched Electric Circus on Friday nights (anyone young enough not to have seen EC on MuchMusic before needs to google it now!)  Also some great lyrics and advice in this song, deep for a dance song.

11) THINK OF YOU - Whigfield

While “Saturday Night” by Whigfield was one of the only good things about MuchMusic’s Dance Mix 95, I decided to go for one of the lesser hits for this mix instead. Think Of You was a super sweet single at the time and one that I personally like slightly better. Also slightly cringe-worthy lyrics if your parents were in the room. I’ll let you listen for further detail.

12) MELODY OF LOVE - Donna Summer

This was somewhat of a comeback song for Donna Summer. She is the disco queen of the late 70s and does a nice job of taking the unapologetically disco-pop melodies, strings and happy drumbeats to a 90s sound that could still be played on the radio today (this is almost the end of our house music session as I realize that it is time to change it up soon.)

13) ANOTHER NIGHT - Real Mccoy

At this point in the mix it is time to go big or go home. There was no bigger song than Another Night by Real Mccoy who were so good this year that I had to include two of their songs on this mix-tape.  The synth, the chorus, the cheesy/creepy rap in the verses, it is pure 90s perfection.

14) BE MY LOVER - LaBouche

This is the last song of the House-Dance section and caps it off nicely.  Similarly it also features sweet female vocalists through the chorus and a cheesy/creepy rap guy in the verses (normalizing the way for future cheesy/creepy rap guys like Pitbull to keep making appearances on otherwise timeless songs.) The seductive intro melody lures you into a trance that makes it all okay.

15) I WISH - Skee-Lo

The only way to end a good 90s mix-tape is with some funky Hip-Hop.  This song was so darned good that I really do think Skee-Lo deserved to have a second single. Alas, this is his only large contribution to the 90s, a mix of funk, comedy, rhyming and basketball rivaled only by the Fresh Prince himself. To this day, any time someone wishes themselves to be “a little bit taller”, the rest of the chorus will henceforth be echoed at the end of that statement.

16) FEEL ME FLOW - Naughty By Nature

Without looking up the release date of this song I would have thought it to be older, this one being a summer anthem that stuck around for many years after this. It vanished with the rest of the 90s (pretty sure DMX had something to do with it.) Either way, no one raps faster or better than Trech on a doorstep in this sweaty sun-inspired classic.

17) DOIN IT - LL Cool J

This is a fine way to end this mix-tape as this song slows it right down and drops the mic when its done. Another song to definitely not listen to with your parents in the room, even if they don’t understand the lyrics in the verse, they will certainly hear the lady moaning through the chorus.

*****

As an end-note to this adventure in music, I must look back at the way this music has made me feel like a pre-teen all over again. My references to my parents throughout this can’t be denied! Music is transformative and maybe that’s why our favourites will always be from our earlier memories. Anyway, this was fun!  

Hopefully it helped you remember a few of your favourites too. Let me know which ones you love that I left out.  Thanks for coming with me on my musical adventure!