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silverzoomies · 10 months

Text

Only Me

kyle spencer x reader smut

warnings: dubious consent, biting, kissing, shameless smut, undead kyle, zombie sex, zombie kink, halloween, song lyrics, dead dove: do not eat

word count: 6,205

a/n: hiiii !! halloween fic in june !! lol this one's my most bizarre fic yet probably !! i made kyle a lot more zombified than he was in the show !! if you're squeamish about corpses and wounds and stuff, i wouldn't tread any further !!

apologies for the usual: inconsistencies, characters ooc (kyle's a little more instinctive/aggressive here), clunky writing, etc etc etc

taglist: @dewberryobssesed @violetharmonscupcake @kaismanwich @jellyluvr @icannot3 @taintandviolent @ahoyladiesz (as usual, ask to be added !!)

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A full moon shined in a bright, stunning spectacle, high above Miss Robichaux’s Academy. A striking contrast to the black skies of a particularly cool Halloween night. Shrouded in a veil of evening darkness, the old-fashioned academy emitted an otherworldly glow. From the first floor windows, flashing lights of slime green and hellish orange flickered in endless repetition.

Inside, a small group of young witches danced. Dressed in their skimpiest costumes, they moved fluidly to the beat of Oingo Boingo’s Dead Man’s Party. Blaring loudly through a large set of speakers, the tune mingled with the girls’ laughter. Meanwhile, the older women of the academy socialized near cluttered snack tables. They chatted away with each other, paying no mind to their free-spirited students.

Dead Man’s Party.

An ironic song, you thought. Given the only ‘dead’ man in the room seemed beyond confused. You wondered if he even knew what the purpose of a party was. His Frankenstein brain might’ve forgotten parties entirely. Such a concept was also ironic. Considering, when he was alive, Kyle had attended enough frat parties to keep the beer industry thriving for years at a time.

The ancestral room felt alive with energy. You stood in a corner with your back against the wall, sipping overpriced punch Myrtle Snow had prepared herself. An unamused look crossed your face, as you watched Zoe and Madison dance. Their movements were effortless and intentionally suggestive.

Between them, looking out of place and somewhat lost, was Kyle. The zombified blond was hunched over in his loose-fitting flannel shirt. And his expression spoke of someone who had no idea what was happening around him. Unlike everyone else in the room, he hadn’t worn a costume.

Poor guy. It seemed like no one had warned him ahead of time.

There was an unmistakable tension in the air, as Madison and Zoe grinded their thin figures against Kyle. The indecent movements of their dancing were almost unbearable to watch. And you couldn’t help but recoil at the sight. The girls glared at each other, trying to outdo the other in a shallow competition for Kyle’s attention.

As Kyle stood there, he kept his head tilted down. His curly, blond hair fell into his face, and his eyes were blank and empty. Kyle must have been oblivious to the girls’ intentions. You felt a pang of discomfort in your chest at the thought.

“Jeez…it’s like I’m watchin’ a car crash in real time…and I can’t look away…” You said, sipping your punch.

Queenie, dressed in a dingy, striped sweater and a Freddy Krueger cap, leaned casually against the wall next to you. Her sweater fell loose off her shoulder, leaving it bare. She sipped her punch as she laughed, her Kreuger claws resting on her hip. Oingo Boingo echoed in the background, competing with the sound of her voice as she spoke.

“Those two are a wreck if I’ve ever seen one.” She joked, shaking her head, “Somebody’s gotta get in there and save that poor guy. Dude looks miserable. ”

“How pissed do you think they’d be if I cut in?” You asked. Glancing down at the lacy hem of your dress, you toyed with it idly in thought.

The pounding music in the room seemed to pulse in time with your heartbeat. Danny Elfman’s wavering voice echoed, booming throughout the floor.

I’m all dressed up with nowhere to go

Walkin’ with a dead man, with a dead man

Your ruby red slippers twinkled on your feet. You wore an (admittedly) revealing Dorothy of Oz costume, with a blue dress lined with white lace. The skirt barely reached past your thighs, showing off your legs in thin, white stockings. You clutched a decorative picnic basket, with a plush, scottie dog sticking his head out from inside. His beady eyes shined in the party lights.

“You’d be doin’ Kyle a favor if you did. But, girl, I dunno…” Queenie pushed herself off the wall, “You know those two ain’t messin’ around. They’re feral over him. Listen, whatever you decide to do? It’s your funeral. We’ve all seen what happens when Madison loses her shit.”

Queenie sauntered off then, her hips swaying with each step. She joined Nan on the dance floor. And you let out a sigh, knocking your head against the wall. After watching Zoe and Madison’s shameful display for a few moments longer, you decided enough was enough. You pulled your phone from your basket to check the time. Only 6pm.

Gracing your ears in tune with the catchy beat of the song, Danny Elfman’s voice rang out.

Don’t run away, it’s only me

Don’t be afraid of what you can’t see

If your hunch was correct, neighborhood trick-or-treating had only just begun. And even though you and Kyle were well into adulthood, the thought of indulging in such an innocent, nostalgic activity was too enticing to resist. Halloween was a holiday wherein Kyle could blend in with the general population. And if you accompanied him, he’d finally get some reprieve from the constant objectification he was accustomed to. It was a win-win.

You waited a few more minutes, hoping the two girls would eventually tire of their petty competition. As time passed, Madison finally stumbled off in her heels. Presumably to have a smoke out back. Queenie, ever the helpful friend, pulled Zoe away for a dance. Leaving Kyle free of anyone’s clutches. Seizing your chance, you immediately stepped in. And you lead him upstairs to your room.

It took around ten minutes for the two of you to finally leave the academy for trick-or-treating.

Five minutes to patiently explain your plan to Kyle, trying your best to help him understand. And another five minutes to help him get ready, after struggling to clarify what Halloween was to begin with. You asked if he wanted to dress up in a costume.

Kyle’s only response was a simple, slurred-

“W-Woooooolf.”

He then made an awroooo sound in an adorable attempt to mimic a wolf’s howl. It was the cutest thing you’d ever seen Kyle do. And hearing him make such a precious sound instantly melted your heart.

You took the time to chat with Kyle. And you joked that if you’d known ahead of time he wanted to be a wolf, the two of you could have coordinated costumes. Perhaps you could have gone as Little Red Riding Hood, and him as the big, bad wolf. Even though you weren’t sure if Kyle understood the reference, he gave you the sweetest smile nonetheless. In his undead eyes, you saw a sparkle of lingering humanity. You couldn’t help but smile back, feeling your heart melt just a little more.

Carefully guiding Kyle to the bathroom, you brought him in front of the mirror. Using a dark, eyeliner pencil, you drew a big, black dot on the tip of his nose. Then, with a steady hand, you doodled adorable, cartoon whiskers on his cheeks.

Which, in retrospect, made him look more like a cat than a wolf.

But Kyle seemed delighted with his new appearance regardless. He held his big hands up in front of the mirror, curling his fingers into claws. Kyle faked a snarl, scrunching his nose and showing off his pink-tinted teeth. The teeth of a dead man.

To your own surprise, you managed to sneak Kyle out of the academy without a single hitch.

For the next few hours, you lead him around a local neighborhood. As the two of you made your way down the street, you marveled at the eerie decorations at every house. Politely, you approached each doorstep, excitedly proclaiming, “ Trick-or-treat! ” while holding Kyle’s hand loosely in yours.

Thankfully, nobody seemed to mind that you two were well past the necessary age for trick-or-treating.

You stopped to explain the concept of Halloween to him once more, after he struggled to understand what trick-or-treating was. He furrowed his blond brows, as though deep in thought. Kyle made a frustrated grunt in response. You couldn’t help but smile, finding his confusion…strangely endearing. Everything about him was endearing, really.

Despite his initial confusion, Kyle definitely enjoyed the candy aspect of Halloween. The treats. His opaque eyes lit up with glee, and he held his pumpkin bucket up in front of you like a fabulous prize. You cheered him on, showing off your basket overflowing with goodies.

A thick mugginess in the air felt sticky against your skin. As the hour grew later, the air shifted to a sharper, colder chill. Crisp, autumn leaves fluttered in the breeze, twirling in colorful circles along the road. The once charming decorations at every house now appeared all too creepy in the dark. Illuminated only by a combination of moonlight, and the occasional streetlight; the neighborhood appeared desolate and empty. You wrapped an arm around yourself for security and warmth.

Perhaps it was time to return to the academy before things got any spookier.

Kyle loomed in close proximity to you all night. And as the hours passed, he leaned in even closer. Part of you began to question your assumptions about him. Perhaps you had misjudged. Maybe Kyle appreciated the constant attention Zoe and Madison gave him back at the academy.

His craving for physical touch was obvious. Every time you tried to create some space between the two of you, he pressed himself against you again. It became clear then, physical intimacy was something Kyle wanted on an almost constant basis. And given his limited communication skills, you figured he had no other way of expressing such a need. He stuck to your side like glue, walking with you throughout the cold, dark neighborhood.

You were reminded of that Oingo Boingo song. Dead Man’s Party.

I'm all dressed up with nowhere to go

Walkin' with a dead man, with a dead man

Ooh-ooh, waitin' for an invitation to arrive

Ooh, walkin' with a dead man, with a dead man

Despite his proximity, Kyle’s body provided you with no warmth. You were left plagued by the nightly chill in the air. And out of nowhere, Kyle groaned, sounding displeased about… something. You didn’t know what. Worried it was your fault, you moved to give him more space. Kyle appeared even more annoyed then. He choked on words he couldn’t say. And you stopped in your tracks on the sidewalk. Gazing at him with concern in your eyes, you tried to deduce what the problem was.

“Hey, K-” You started.

Before you could ask him, Kyle reached out a hand. He stared down at you with black, cloudy eyes. Between his pale, grey lips rested a half-eaten candy bar. His fingers were covered with sticky chocolate. And he made a move to pull the collar of your low-cut dress down.

“Oh! Wh-...Kyle!! What are you doing, honey?!” You shrieked in hushed surprise.

At that moment, something must have clicked in Kyle’s Frankenstein brain. Some kind of instinctive shift.

Even though he loved his candy, chocolate wasn’t necessarily the kind of Halloween treat he wanted. He pulled the chocolate bar from his lips, tossing it aside into the grass.

“Treeeaat…” He slurred, with his pale, chapped lips coated in chocolate. Kyle tugged the front of your dress down even lower, “Tr…tr-trick…or treeeat?”

Your breasts almost popped out from the force of his strong tug. The swell of them bounced in a mesmerizing display, looking supple and smooth. Smears of chocolate stained the clean, white lace of your dress. Gasping, you backed up before Kyle could do anymore damage. You stumbled on your sparkling, ruby slippers. As you struggled to find your balance, Kyle eagerly followed. He pushed his strong body against yours, leaning down to kiss you.

“Kyle, no! N-Not that I mind, if this is what you want! But…can you at least wait until we get home, bud?” You protested, bringing a hand to his mouth to stop him.

You were fearful of any late-night passerby catching the two of you in such a compromising position. Kyle knit his brows together, put off by your rejection. You gave him a sympathetic look, and lowered your hand.

Whatever you said before, none of it registered. Kyle abruptly attacked your neck with his mouth, and you sucked in a sharp breath. His lips were frigid and cold against your skin, their rough, chapped texture scraping across your neck. Reveling in your taste, he hungrily swirled his cool, slimy tongue.

“Honey, no-...s-stop! You can’t-” You pathetically whined, patting him repeatedly on the shoulders to get his attention.

Kyle devoured your neck like a Halloween treat, sloppily tonguing your smooth, warm skin. You squirmed as he wrapped his thick arms around you tightly, pulling you closer. The entire weight of Kyle’s body pressed itself into yours. Dead weight. You lost your balance again, stumbling backwards. And without meaning to, you slipped off your feet behind a nearby lining of bushes.

Taking a tumble, Kyle came down with you. He immediately took advantage of your vulnerable position on the ground, crawling over your body. Even as you continued to protest, Kyle’s attention returned to your neck. He nipped at your skin, flicking his sticky tongue in a desperate thirst for more of you. Underneath your body, you felt dewey grass seep wetness into your dress. You squirmed again, hesitant to give in to Kyle’s reckless desire.

“Pleaaaase! Just let me-...Kyle, please, help me up, won’t you?” You begged in a desperate plea.

He groaned a throaty noise into your soft neck, and his hands began to explore your body. Fighting to maintain your dignity, as well as your modesty; you made another move to push Kyle off of you. Your hands pressed hard at his thick shoulders, but he refused to budge.

“I’m serious! If you wanna do this together, we can, okay? Just…not here! This is…it’s a neighborhood, right? What if someone sees?? Let’s just wait until we get home, please?” You insisted, “Kyle, p-

Unexpectedly, he cut you off (or shut you up, rather) with a surprise kiss.

Lips of a muted, grey hue collided with your own, more saturated ones. A kiss of life and death. Kyle’s lips were ice cold, molding effortlessly with your warmth. He tasted of a bizarre mix between cheap, dollar store chocolate and…something else you didn’t recognize. Something almost…earthy.

He was the sloppiest kisser you ever locked lips with. Prodding at your lips fiercly with his tongue, Kyle demanded entrance. When you didn’t let him in, a frustrated growl vibrated through his mouth. His hand darted down to your chest, where he tugged the front of your dress with an even stronger pull. Threatening to rip it apart, as though he knew you would protest.

You opened your mouth with a surprised squeak, scrambling to pull Kyle’s hand away.

That oozy, freezing tongue of his slithered its way past your lips like a wiggly leech. Thick and slimy in your mouth. Kyle’s kisses became filled with a wild and unrestrained passion. Even though such a messy makeout session would be off-putting to anyone else, you found yourself melting into it. Despite having no concept of restraint or consistency, Kyle’s lack of skill was somehow intoxicating. You were irresistibly drawn to his discolored, dead man tongue.

You couldn’t help but think of how you always admired the way he looked.

When he was alive, Kyle was undeniably stunning, and so gorgeous. He had one of those beautiful, sunshine smiles, and golden hair to match. But after his resurrection, he was viewed as somewhat of a monster. Since the initial work done to bring him back had been less than subpar. To the average person, Kyle looked like a walking corpse pulled straight out of Night of the Living Dead.

However, Kyle’s zombified appearance did nothing to deter you. In death, you found him attractive in about a million other, more forbidden ways. Perhaps you were a bit of a freak behind closed doors.

And now, you had the opportunity to appreciate Kyle, in all his reanimated glory. Allowing yourself to explore his bulky, undead form. Corpse-like in appearance, Kyle’s body seemed right on the cusp of decay.

Maybe you could indulge in your curiosity and unconventional attraction…for just a few minutes. A moment or two wouldn’t hurt. Kyle was obviously desperate for the attention anyway. It was almost cute, really. The way he fought so hard to fool around with you.

Yeah. A few minutes of teasing touches. And then, you’d surely head back to the academy together.

You hesitated to touch Kyle intimately at first, careful not to cross any personal boundaries.

You knew Kyle harbored strict boundaries somewhere in that Frankenstein brain of his. Misty had told both you and Zoe all about it. Though, none of you had any clue where such boundaries originated. Was Kyle somehow self conscious? Did his instincts operate on a more intense, animalistic level of fight or flight? There wasn’t any way for him to tell you, and you’d never be able to guess on your own. Best to tread lightly.

Kyle loomed over you, guzzling your lips and tongue like a hungry man starved. Raising a hand, the tips of your fingers took a careful chance. They brushed across the poorly sewn stitches in his neck. Grazing his prominent scars, you traced their irregular lining.

You were afraid he might recoil, but Kyle instantly melted into your touch. His shoulders fell slack for a moment, and he moaned a soft, little whine into your mouth. It was as if tracing the scarred etching of stitches brought him some sense of relief.

A trail of thick, gooey saliva connected your tongues, as Kyle pulled his lips from yours. He gazed down into your eyes with a soft expression. The cute dot you'd drawn on his nose was slightly smudged now, along with those kitty wolf whiskers. You noted the way his hefty form looked, illuminated by a faint blanket of warm, yellow light. The street light flickered from above, as if threatening to abandon the two of you in the dark.

You stared back into Kyle’s foggy eyes. They were somewhat empty of humanity, with black pupils blown wide. His brawny chest became exposed, as you unbuttoned the thick flannel of Kyle’s shirt. Trembling fingers felt across his pecs, your skin burning hot against Kyle’s lifeless cold. He shuddered under your touch, arching his back slightly.

“W-Waaarm.” He slurred, “Mooore…”

Patches of discoloration decorated Kyle’s broad torso. They reminded you of a tropical desert map. One in which Kyle’s pale skin was the desert sand. Portions of his flesh had turned yellow in color. Faint hues of deep purple and sea-foam blue leaked through, similar to a watercolor palette. You ran your fingers over the discolored patches of skin, feeling subtle, textural changes. Kyle’s skin was overall smooth, but slightly torn near his ribs.

“Stop me if-uh…if this hurts, okay?” You whispered in a soft tone. Kyle tilted his head, the blonde curls of his hair dangling over his face.

Morbid curiosity overcame you, as you momentarily delved deeper into Kyle’s ripped flesh. The texture of his skin was uneven, as the surrounding skin had dried out slightly. Hesitant, yet alarmingly eager, you dipped your fingers into a decaying wound close to his ribs. Keeping your eyes on Kyle’s face, you searched his expression for any signs of discomfort. Beyond the scabbed edges of his skin, your fingers found a cold, mushy cavern inside.

You felt the cold rigidity of his rib bones just beneath the surface, the dampness of his insides slimy and raw. Kyle’s breathing steadily grew labored the longer you explored him from the inside. His jaw fell slack, dark eyes rolling back in his deep sockets. After teasing the wound for a few beats longer, you pulled your digits from it. A warm blush pooled in your cheeks, and you exhaled a flustered laugh. Ashamed of yourself.

“S-Sorry, honey…” You apologized, “Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Kyle whimpered in response, wildly shaking his head. A slimy stickiness lingered on the tips of your fingers. And you made a mental note to thoroughly wash your hands once you finally returned to the academy.

You explored Kyle’s peculiar body for a moment longer. Beautiful, blue veins were visible under the thin layer of his skin. You traced those veins, following their intricate, web-like patterns. Kyle’s eyes fell closed as you did. He hummed soft, submissive whines. His head occasionally jerked in sudden, instinctive motions. After opening his eyes, Kyle stared down at you with a more lax, half-lidded expression.

You noted the way his eye sockets were slightly sunken in, appearing almost skeletal. A smokey darkness surrounded his foggy, black eyes, making them pop when they widened with abrupt impatience.

Growing fed up with your slow-paced, careful touches, Kyle darted down. He returned to his original task, gnawing pink teeth against the burning flesh of your neck. Your blood pulsed under your skin, beating against his slimy tongue. You brought your hands up to his blonde curls, carding your fingers through the somewhat-ragged locks.

Kyle’s hair was clean and washed. Yet, the strands felt like those of an old, decrepit dog. Curls dangled in his face as he mouthed your neck, and Kyle sloppily licked the bruises he sucked harshly into your skin. He pulled at your skimpy outfit, tearing rotted, jagged fingernails into the cheap fabric. Exposing your bra-covered breasts, Kyle ripped the front of your dress apart in one, harsh jerk. You wrapped a hand around his wrist, fighting to pull it away before Kyle tore your bra off as well.

“WAIT! Kyle, no! You can’t, honey!! I-It’s cold out here!! And someone might see!!” You insisted, “B-Before we do that, let’s go back home first!”

You were in too deep now, that much was obvious.

He jerked his hand away from your hold, groaning in protest. Kyle brought his massive palm to your chest, curling his fingers into your bra. He ripped the garment apart, letting your tits bounce freely. Immediately upon seeing them in their lucious, supple glory, Kyle made another noise. A groggy, throaty sound dripped from his tongue, drooling cool saliva over your breasts. He didn’t hold back, dropping to swipe his sticky tongue hungrily around one of your nipples.

“T-T…T….Treeeeeeeat…” Kyle groaned, ragged over your breast.

You whimpered, your nipples immediately hardening in response to his numbing, chilly touch. Your hands dropped to Kyle’s broad shoulders again, as you attempted once more to push him away. Ruthless with desire, Kyle licked and sucked your tits, as though thirsty for the milk you couldn’t provide.

By now, Kyle was handling you a little more roughly than you preferred.

As the dull flats of Kyle’s teeth sank into your flesh, biting hard; you were beginning to second guess yourself. Kyle chomped into your smooth skin like he wanted to rip you apart and feast on your blood. You wiggled from under him, trying to shimmy away. The hand of his not occupied with your breast, darted up to your shoulder. Kyle forced you down with his palm, keeping you in place. Mesmerized by the pheromones permeating from your pretty breasts, Kyle couldn’t stop himself. He gnawed your tit even harder.

And for you, that bite crossed a line.

Imprints of Kyle’s teeth were left embedded into your skin. Weakly raising your basket, you fought Kyle off, repeatedly whacking him on the shoulders with it. Candy flew out from the basket in every direction. In the back of your mind, you mourned their loss.

No matter how much you fought, Kyle refused to budge. If anything, your protests encouraged him further. Kyle grew more frustrated, growling monstrous noises into your tits as he sucked one hard. He scraped his teeth up to your collarbone, chomping into your skin so harshly you nearly cried.

“Stoooppp!!! Please!!! Kyle, sweetheart, that hurts!!” You pathetically begged, tears pricking in the corners of your eyes, “Please stop!! It’s not good, Kyle! It’s very bad!”

He shook his head wildly with another animalistic growl, keeping you caged under his body in the wet grass. Kyle moved himself further down your squirming form, jerking the skirt of your dress up over your belly. The tiny, lace panties you wore underneath were exposed to him completely, along with a shameful, wet spot between your legs.

“Noooo! Good… v-very good …” Kyle grumbled, frustrated. He sank down between your legs, enveloping your clothed pussy with his whole mouth.

Goosebumps shot across your thighs as his cold breath met your cunt. Kyle’s teeth roughly grazed you, his slimy tongue prodding your folds through the thin fabric of your panties. You instantly panicked, kicking his shoulders with all the might you had left.

Kyle violently tore your delicate panties off, ripping the fabric at the seams and leaving you bare. Crisp, late-night air nipped your poor, defenseless pussy. Fearful that Kyle might start chomping at your cunt like a corpse in search of brains, you quickly rolled onto your belly in the grass. You crawled forward on trembling limbs, your veins pumped full of adrenaline.

“L-Let me go, Kyle! No more! We gotta get back now!! P-Please!” You cried, rushing forwards with your knees pressing into the dirt.

Kyle came charging after you on all fours, his movements similar to that of a vicious, feral predator. The panic swarming your brain heightened, surging down your spine. Your heartbeat kicked to high-speed. Scrambling to stand, you were faced with the unfortunate reality…that your legs were too shaken and weak to function.

Your thin stocks were stained with mossy green, as wet dew seeped into their fabric. Just as you made it to the sidewalk pavement, you felt the tight grasp of cold hands wrapping around your ankles. Your ruby slippers kicked frantically against Kyle’s hold. But his grip tightened around them. Kyle dragged you by your ankles behind the bush in the dark, his jagged, rotting nails sinking into your skin over your stockings and scratching holes in the fabric.

That Oingo Boingo tune stuck on repeat in your head, echoed eerily topical lyrics in your subconscious mind. Don’t run away, it’s only me

Don’t be afraid of what you can’t see

Don’t run away, it’s only me

Don’t be afraid of what you can’t see

You couldn’t hold back the terrified scream that leapt from your throat.

Kyle’s eyes flew open wide. He moved quickly, climbing over your body from behind. Reaching around to clasp a large, cold hand over your mouth, Kyle growled chilly breaths into the shell of your ear. You could feel the hard press of his sizable bulge against your ass.

You barely registered the sound of Kyle’s hushed, throaty voice shushing you, as you cried for him to stop in loud pleas. He whispered in your ear gentle, slurred reassurances…or, at least, he tried to. Kyle apologized repeatedly, mouthing your ear and neck in a more loving, yet clumsy way. Less teeth. Thank fuck for less teeth.

“S-Ssssss-...sooorry.” He mumbled slowly, “N-N…N….Neeeeed…”

Trying to calm yourself, you breathed long, deep breaths through your nose.

Realistically, you knew Kyle never intended to hurt you. And if he did, it wasn’t necessarily his fault. He was a creature who operated purely on animalistic, carnal instinct. His brain functioned at a process slower than the average person. Like Frankenstein’s monster. Of course, it should come as no surprise. If Kyle desired something as natural as sex, his thirst was bound to make him slightly more deranged.

Maybe he just hadn’t been taught otherwise.

With one of his hands clasped tightly over your mouth, Kyle brought his other to his jeans. He felt around aimlessly for the button, finding it difficult to free his cock from the constrictive denim. After a bit of agitated fumbling, Kyle finally released his hefty, undead cock from his pants. Perched in the grass on your elbows and knees, you curiously dropped your head to take a glance at his dick.

You were lucky enough to catch a quick glimpse of Kyle’s thick, bouncing cock. It was discolored like the rest of his body, and covered in vivid, blue veins. In your mind, you questioned the logistics. How was it even possible for a zombified man to get an erection?? Was it witch magic? Was witch magic really powerful enough to keep oozy, undead blood flowing through a zombie?

Kyle mounted you much like an animal in heat, guiding the fat tip of his cock to your weeping entrance.

The stark contrast between his corpse-like temperature and your own, more lively warmth shook you to your core. You gasped into Kyle’s palm, your lower-half squirming as the deathly cold, smooth length of his cock pushed its way through your searing walls. Your pleasant heat engulfed Kyle’s dick completely, and he immediately roared a guttural noise from deep in his chest.

“T-Trrrreeeeeeeeeeeeaaat!” He slurred in a broken tone, “ G-...G….Gooood treat.”

Those were the last, coherent words Kyle spoke, before carnal instinct took over his brain completely. He violently jerked his hips forward, sinking his stiff cock deeper into your pussy. The leaking, wet tip hit your cervix in a bruising pressure. You fell forward into the grass, almost losing balance on your trembling legs. Kyle released his hold on your mouth, instead raking his blunt, uneven nails down your body.

Pumping his cock through the tight squeeze of your cunt, Kyle dropped his palms to the grass. His brittle nails dug themselves so deep into the dirt.

“K-Ky-” You choked, feeling a thickness bubbling in your throat, “Kyle, please-”

The slickness of his length felt inhumanly cold inside you. Your blistering hot pussy constricted around him, grasping hold of Kyle’s cock and pulling him in deeper. He wanted so desperately to gnaw and bite you again, but he refrained from doing so. Kyle made huffy, monstrous noises as he fucked you raw and hard in the grass. Guttural, zombie-like groans echoed, ragged against your ear from behind. He carried no restraint, as he drilled you with his dick so hard and deep, it began to hurt.

Your entire body buzzed with sharp, pinpricks of overwhelming pleasure, edging so closely to pain. But somehow, you registered the ache as intoxicating. Your body couldn’t stop itself from betraying your brain’s warnings. Despite your suffering, your pussy fluttered so wet around Kyle’s cock. Hot, slick heat made it so easy for him to fuck you as hard as he desired. Allowing him to act on his unfiltered, baseless instincts.

“P-Please-...Ky-...Kyle…slow down, please-” You begged, mewling little cries.

Your soft voice only encouraged Kyle. His thrusts turned more violent and rapid, losing any consistency. Heavy balls slapped repeatedly at your hot mound, teasing your clit. Out of your control, your eyes rolled back in their sockets, as you moaned in blissful ecstasy.

Kyle’s nasty, unrelenting thrusts were so powerful in force, the overstimulation was enough to make you cum from penetration alone. Your fiery heat tightened around his pulsing cock, and your body erupted in a mind-altering onslaught of uncontrollable, orgasmic trembles. Kyle roared another guttural, monstrous sound, unable to resist sinking his blunt teeth into your neck. He wrapped an arm tightly around your middle, jerking you backwards to meet his thrusts.

“Kyle, wait!” You struggled to speak, your head dizzy and swimming. Turning your head slightly, you felt Kyle’s messy, blond hair brush the skin of your cheek, “Don’t finish inside! You have to – f-fuck – you have to pull out! You can’t cum inside me, baby!”

Your ass bounced recklessly against the hairy mound of Kyle’s pelvis. If he understood what you meant, it was clear Kyle had no intention of listening. Burying his length to the hilt in one, final, savage thrust; Kyle spilled his sticky, zombie seed deep inside your hot, living pussy.

“N-NO! KYLE, NO-” You panicked again, trying to crawl forward and out of Kyle’s grasp, “FUCK! YOU CAN’T-”

He roared his loudest noise yet, the sudden sound tearing through your eardrums. Latching a palm tightly around the back of your neck, Kyle forced you face down into the dewey grass. With your ass up and out, he fucked the last of his cum into your pussy with a near damaging force. A frigidly cold sensation pooled in the pit of your belly.

For a short moment, Kyle kept his slick cock buried inside you. Even as the length softened, he took his time before pulling himself from your cunt. And once he finally did, the thickness of his off-colored, oozy cum came spilling out of you in heavy spurts.

As it turns out, zombies cum a lot.

You shivered, sniffling as hot tears raced down your reddened cheeks. Kyle released his hold on your neck, reaching up to pet you clumsily over your hair. Behind you, you heard shuffling as he fought to tuck himself in his pants and fumbled with the button. Your knees collapsed into the grass, and you heaved rapid, frantic breaths. You couldn’t deny the way your body quivered with blissful, euphoric exhaustion.

“Kyle…for fuck’s sake…why…” You sniffled with a hiccup, lying with your cheek pressed to the grass.

Several bite marks of deep, dark violet littered your once clean skin. You rolled onto your back on the ground, your chest rising and falling with every quick breath you took. Kyle sat back on his knees, staring down at you with an expression of fearful, worried confusion. It seemed that, somehow, he didn’t understand why you were so immobile and worn out.

Kyle’s black eyes steadily trailed across every mark he left behind, all over your neck, collarbone, and breasts.

He frowned, his foggy eyes pooling with heavy tears. The whiskers and nose you’d drawn on his face earlier were smeared to high heaven, leaving black streaks on his cheeks.

Crawling over you again, Kyle gently buried his teary-eyed face in your tits. He pressed soft, cool kisses along your abused skin. Before resting his cheek on your chest. His thin, blonde curls tickled your chin.

“S-S…ssssorry… ” He mumbled through his tears. Kyle rubbed his thumb across one of the bites he left behind, making you wince, “B-Baaaad…not gooood…sorry…”

Despite his rough handling, you knew you couldn't stay mad at Kyle for very long. In a way, he'd made you feel pleasure beyond anything you ever experienced with an average, living man. And the loving kindness he carried under the surface of his monstrous exterior made you adore him. So much more than you already did.

You let out a long, tired sigh, raising a hand to gently run your fingers through Kyle's curls.

"What am I gonna do with you, huh? It's okay, honey. It hurt a little bit, but...I'm fine. Just..." You breathed an exhausted laugh, wincing as you tried to move, "Let's try to teach you a little restraint next time, okay?"

If you thought about it logically, there was no possible way you could actually get pregnant from a reanimated corpse, right? His swimmers were probably dead as doornails. Regardless, you felt a little squeamish knowing loads of gooey, zombie spunk resided inside you. You shivered at the thought, shaking your head.

Yeah, you definitely needed a long, hot shower. Asap.

"Can we please go home now, Kyle?" You begged, weakly sitting up on your elbows.

Peering up at you through adorable, innocent, dark eyes, Kyle blinked slowly. He nodded, pushing himself quickly off your body.

"H-Hhhhhh-....Hoooome..." He mumbled, politely holding out a hand to help you up.

You found yourself too incapacitated to stand. After such a raw, violent fucking, your body felt on the brink of death. Consumed by exhaustion, it was as though you'd become the living corpse. Undead and barely functional. Falling into the grass on your back, you groaned, burdened by a deep ache in your bones.

Catching on to your pained, tuckered-out state, Kyle reached down. He wrapped his thick arms around your body, effortlessly lifting you up over his shoulder. It was a ridiculously careless way for him to carry you, but you couldn't find it in yourself to complain.

In one hand, Kyle held his pumpkin bucket and your basket, both slightly empty of the candy they once held. With your limp body lying slump over his shoulder, he used his other hand to keep your skirt pinned over your butt. Nice of him to consider your decency.

In the empty, desolate cold of a moonlit, Halloween night; Kyle carried you all the way back to the academy.

And the whole way, as you hung limp over his shoulder in a fucked-out daze...you hummed a song softly to yourself.

Oingo Boingo kept looping endlessly in your head, like a persistent parasite.

I’m all dressed up with nowhere to go

Walking with a dead man over my shoulder

I’m all dressed up with nowhere to go

Walking with a dead man over my shoulder

#kyle spencer x reader #kyle spencer x you #kyle spencer x y/n #smut #txt #ahs

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deus-ex-mona · 19 days

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they were so funny for this tbh

Q: Were there any other songs that had been created with contributed ideas from the other members?

shito: Meoto, a song with a striking Japanese rock tune, became the way it is thanks to the wishes of Yamako. Meoto was written by its main composer, Kaoru, and its lyrics are infused with suggestive and mature elements. As the lyrics were being written, Yamako was occasionally consulted about her thoughts regarding the settings that the lyrics depicted as the details about the song were finalised.

Yamako: I’m sure there are fans who thought that Meoto was about LIPxLIP and their listener (fan) from the title, only to be shocked that “It’s actually about Yujiro and Aizo?!”, right? (laughs) There were amused takes like “Unlike Julieta, we’re being completely left out of the picture?!”, and I found myself thinking “Yeah, for sure!!” when I saw them.

shito: The song that plays right after Meoto on the album is Fiancé, a song that gives off the image about LIPxLIP and their listener, so I think the contrast between the two songs is hilarious.

#oops sorry forgot the julieta link lemme change that—#(from the new animedia interview about the album btw)#tl is as shoddy as always bc it's just how i roll yk~~~~~~#there's also a 'how do the other characters see lxl'-esque segment that i'll get to in a bit but meoto comes first bc yes #anyways loop meoto for a good time guys listening to meoto is always the right choice flashtag stan meoto #lxl tl things

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lowtaperfeyd · 22 days

Note

If you're taking requests, could you do Gurney Halleck teaching the reader (either female or gender neutral) how to play the baliset?

Scaler

Gurney Halleck x Neutral!reader

author's note: this is a short one but it's just a little celebration piece for 50 followers! Thank you so much for liking and reblogging my pieces!

warnings: nothing

wc: 616

The soft strumming of the baliset echoed through the halls of Castle Caladan. Being plucked from the calloused hands of the War Master, the nine strings reverberated along with the lyrics of hymns from Gurney.

(Y/N) heard him play many times. But, it seemed like each time Gurney played it sounded sweeter and nicer than before. It was also a sight to see. The instrument lazed against his shoulder and between his legs; while his hands waltzed against the frets. It was the contrast between the baliset and Gurney that made it comical in a sense.

He was this rough man, with a hard shell. Not even the salt in the ocean would be able to erode at his exterior.

The baliset seemed to provide a sort of gentleness and comfort, for both him and the people who listened.

It was the thing (Y/N) saw now when they walked in. They gazed at him sitting with the baliset in hand. Him focused on what to do, sitting against the wall in the training room. His gray shirt blended seamlessly into the wall.

“Are you going to continue to stare?” Gurney spoke, barely above a whisper. His voice held an amount of amusement at (Y/N)’s observance.

“Would it be bad if I did?” They retorted as they walked closer to where he was sitting, “I thought you liked it when I listened in?”

“Never said I didn’t.” he chuckled out softly as they sank down next to him.

(Y/N) watched as he continued to play with such skill. He had been playing for so long that they didn’t remember a day where he did not sound as good as he did now. He had been improving from amazing to excellent.

“Would you ever teach me how to play?” They asked.

“If you wanted to learn I would happily teach you.” He assured.

“Well then I do want to learn.” (Y/N) pushed as they looked Gurney in the eyes.

“Okay,” Gurney started, “come here and I’ll teach you.”

Gurney moved the baliset for a minute so that (Y/N) could move to sit between the War Master’s legs. They pressed against Gurney’s chest, hardened by fighting and training, and got comfortable.

“You alright?” he said.

“Yeah,” Gurney moved the instrument to sit on (Y/N) shoulder and their legs. He guided their fingers to lay against the neck of the baliset.

“This is the neck of the instrument,” he whispered in (Y/N)’s ear, “as you already know it has nine strings.”

He plucked a singular string.

“It’s tuned to the Chusuk scale, which isn’t surprising because it’s from there.” Gurney muttered.

“Try arranging your fingers like this,” he said as he moved (Y/N)’s fingers for them, “it may seem uncomfortable, but after a bit of practice you’ll be fine.” “Alright,” they responded, “how long will that be? I can feel my hands cramping up.” (Y/N) joked.

Gurney moved their hands off the neck and moved them to rest on the body of the instrument.

“It can take awhile,” Gurney replied, “you should practice to get better, but stop if your hands are cramping.”

“Gurney, that was a joke.”

“It’s still good advice,” he declared, “shake your hands out and then move them back to the same place where I had them”

“So demanding…”

Gurney would continue teaching them how to play. Correcting their mistakes with a gentle tone before telling them what to do instead, and reminding them to stretch their hands ever so often. He shared his love for music with them and the unannounced continued to grow every single time he taught them to play.

#dune x reader #dune #dune pt 2 #gurney halleck x reader #gurney halleck #fluff

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vctrvn-ls · 9 months

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Beta Squad members as The Weeknd songs {and why}

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・. .・

AJ: Shameless

guys guys guyyyssss , listen to the fvcking lyrics and tell me that’s not how you imagine being in a relationship with him!! the melody too, like it just gives off such Aje vibes you know? trusstt this is his song 100% , im sure with this one

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・. .・

Niko: Losers

now now now, why would I pick a semi-basic song for my husband? well it’s not really basic though. listen to the words and fricking tell me that it doesn’t sound like a Niko thing?? like the lines “cause stupid’s next to I love you” and obviously “only losers go to school” ahahah. and the melody is so upbeat but not too over the top at the same time, just like Niko, you guys get me??? like plz I put a lot of thought into this one ahahah

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・. .・

Sharky: Rockin’

sooo I was stuck in between this song and ‘Next’ but then I came to a conclusion that the latter is too too chill (almost sad) and the lyrics wouldn’t make sense. maybe the lyrics of ‘Rockin’ don’t all apply to Sharks, but the melody is his 100% because of how catchy and easy going it sounds!!! and you would totally be rockin’ together. being with sharky would be like dating your best friend no? j think ab it, he loves to gossip (podcasts r there for a reason), he dresses sooo well (outfit matchy matchy), great listener and an overall sweetheart!!! and the line “you don’t have to waste your energy”!?!? a slay line, defo cause he’d be so carefree w u and feel amazing. Sharky ily sm <3

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・. .・

Kenny: Gasoline

ssshhhh guys,this is such an underrated song Im telling you, j like Kenny. this song is j *chefs kiss* for him, despite the fact that I can’t explain why the main chorus of the song has me thinking ab Kenny when the lyrics have nothing to do w him. Ik it feels like I j wasn’t bothered for poor Kenny, but that ain’t the case. really like, here you either get it or don’t, it’s j all ab the vibe rlly. (also the OD line in the chorus kind of resembles his boxing to me..like if u were to be in a relationship you’d obviously help him, help him stay motivated, always be on his side and support him no matter what, that’s why it’s “I know you won’t let me OD” , cause he would literally trust you w his whole life!!)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・. .・

Chunkz: Ordinary Life

lyrics lyrics lyrics is all I can say guys. maybe don’t listen to them too deeply, but off of the surface vibes we get religion, fame and the contrast of the two. we all know Chunkz takes his religion seriously, to the point where he gave up music, and we all know he is considered a very successful individual. so connecting the two, he probably does have a hard time balancing them which only makes sense because usually religion is more ab the spiritual world rather than the material. additionally the main chorus is lively tuneful but still sounds kind of mature (u get me guys? I hope so) which is literally a description of our bby Chunkz <3

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭��. .・

BONUS:

Filly: Best Friends

honestly self-explanatory hahaha, like this man always talking how he doesn’t want a serious relationship or anything like that, like he a fwb typa guy. lyrics v fitting if like someone ends up falling for him (me), I mean cmon like who wouldn’t…it’s Filly. looks, charisma, vibe, j a dream man fr. the melody lowk calm, drk if it’s v Filly but in some way I would say yes..

#beta squad #youtube #niko omilana #chunkz #aj shabeel #king kenny #sharky #ndl #niko omilana x reader #aj shabeel x reader #kenny x reader #sharky x reader #chunkz x reader

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silenceinternalmonologue · 2 years

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going absolutely batshit insane at the way the melody of the verses in 'the point of no return' function as a leitmotif symbolizing power/sexuality within the phantom and christine's relationship throughout the musical.

i mean, LISTEN. the first time we encounter this melody is in 'little lotte', where the string section is playing it throughout, but it is only heard sung in christine's verse:

No, what I love best, Lotte said, Is when I'm asleep in my bed And the angel of music sings songs in my head The angel of music sings songs in my head

the next time is the phantom's verse at the end of the title track:

I have brought you to the seat of sweet music's throne To this kingdom where all must pay homage to music You have come here for one purpose and one alone Since the moment i first heard you sing, i have needed you with me to serve me, to sing for my music...

christine again in 'why have you brought me here':

Raoul, I've been there, to his world of unending night To a world where daylight dissolves into darkness... Raoul, I've seen him! Can I ever forget that sight? Can I ever escape from that face, so distorted, deformed, it was hardly a face in that darkness...

and again in 'twisted every way'

What I once used to dream I now dread If he finds me it won't ever end And he'll always be there singing songs in my head He'll always be there singing songs in my head

so this leitmotif appears four times before it is used as the main melody in 'the point of no return'. up until then, it is used as a sort of bridge within the structures of the other songs: a verse which is sung with a different melody than the rest of the song, which makes it stand out.

this is interesting in itself, but what REALLY gets me insane is once you realize what this melody is representing. for each variation of this melody, the lyrics are discussing the phantom and christine's power over each other and the connection they have. christine's 'singing songs in my head' line is recurring, and although the phantom only sings this melody once before 'the point of no return', in it he admits that he needs christine, which is in sharp contrast to the rest of the title track where he is establishing dominance over her and putting her under a sort of trance.

AND THEN. during 'the point of no return', they EACH get a verse sung in this melody, not as a bridge but simply the verses of this song. in other words, these short pieces of melody we've been hearing in earlier songs have all been to the tune of 'the point of no return'-- everything was leading up to this, this song which is as much an externalization of sexual feelings as it is a power play between these two characters.

sorry for the ramble i'm just losing my shit right now i REALLY hope someone gets what i'm saying here

#poto #phantom of the opera #alw phantom #andrew lloyd webber #the phantom of the opera #e/c #erik x christine

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paxesoterica · 9 months

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Some Thoughts About the First 3 Episodes of Mobile Suit Gundam [0079] Part 1

*There are spoilers for 0079 (obviously), but also a few for The Witch from Mercury as well, so bear that in mind.

*For folks who have only watched The Witch from Mercury, and no other Gundam shows, you should be aware that in 0079, the space colonies are rebelling against the rule of Earth, and that the Gundam in this show does not have systems that hurt its pilot.

*The opening is "Tobe! GUNDAM", and while the lyrics and tune are obviously different, the music has an anthemic quality that reminds me of the GUND-Arm, Inc. promo video, and I wouldn't be surprised if the former inspired the latter.

*“A half century has passed since humanity began moving…its burgeoning population into space. These gigantic space cities orbiting the Earth…became a second home to humanity…where people were born and raised…and where they died.”

*I think the opening for Mobile Suit Gundam is strong, and still holds up well today, though I wish it wasn’t repeated in future episodes (it’s understandable though as a cost-saving measure).

*The space colony cities in the show are based on O’Neill cylinders; they, and a lot of Gundam’s other space colonization concepts, such as Lagrange points, are based on the work of physicist Gerard K. O’Neill and his book The High Frontier: Human Colonies in Space (written in 1976, so about 3 years before MSG).

*The Principality of Zeon, who initiated the war with Earth and committed multiple atrocities, are mentioned as being headquartered in Side 3, which is located at Lagrange 2, behind the moon; while it's not mentioned in the wiki, this is also where Quiet Zero is located in The Witch from Mercury (and I'm sure that's definitely not a cheeky reference to it being the 'dark side' of the Moon/ sarcasm).

*We start in space, with three mobile suits headed toward Side 7 to conduct a raid (a stark contrast to Suletta's start in The Witch from Mercury). These suits are of the MS-06 Zaku II model, and bear a resemblance to the MD-0031 Dilanza, both in terms of appearance, and in the sense that they're the 'grunt' suits of the show.

*You may have heard that MSG has some...interesting name choices, and this is already shown with two of the Zaku pilots being named 'Slender' and 'Denim'. Regardless of how silly they might sound, it does make them a bit more memorable than you might expect, given that one of them ends up dying at the end of the episode.

*The civilians of Side 7 have mostly evacuated, with a few exceptions.

*This is Fraw Bow, Amuro's friend, who will end up joining the White Base crew soon. Unlike some of the characters in 0079, I haven't encountered any major spoilers on her, so all I currently know is that she's both concerned about Amuro, but also exasperated by him.

*Also, it's Haro! (I had no idea they could do that). Haros are to Gundam what Chocobos and Moogles are to Final Fantasy; in the OG show, this one was invented by the main character, Amuro Ray. Speaking of...

*So, Amuro's the first Gundam pilot, which means that you'll see a lot of spoilers about him if you hang out long enough in any Gundam fandom space. All you need to know about him right now, is that while yes, he will become a famous pilot, at this time, he's a technical genius (with a strong interest in mechanics), who has no piloting skills, and a very messy room. So, basically the opposite of the latest Gundam protagonist, Suletta...but *very* similar to another character...

*It's been mentioned by others before (@daisukoth in particular, has done multiple posts about it) that Amuro and Miorine have a number of qualities in common, so I'm making it a point to note whenever I observe similarities between the two, such as not being very observant of their surroundings when they're focused on work (Miorine is *very* lucky that she's not *quite* as disastrous as Amuro is in terms of love, but we'll get into that more later on).

*This is Hayato Kobayashi. I know even less about him than I do about Fraw, but he'll also be joining the White Base crew. He might have some resentment toward Amuro, since Amuro's dad is a military engineer working on a secret project that's attracted hostile attention from Zeon soldiers. And since we're talking about Amuro's dad:

*Yup. Amuro and Miorine both have distant fathers who are bad at communicating with their child. I'd *like* to believe the elder Ray isn't as bad a father as Delling, but we'll get into that next time.

...to be continued in Part 2

#text #anime #mobile suit gundam #mobile suit gundam: the witch from mercury

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jules-has-notes · 1 month

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O Little Town of Bethelehem — VoicePlay music video

youtube

The final entry in VoicePlay's initial round of PartWork arrangements was also their holiday offering for the year. In contrast to the previous December's upbeat and silly Christmas offerings, they opted for a little quiet simplicity to close out this season.

Details:

title: O Little Town of Bethelehem

original song: traditional American carol

written by: lyrics by Phillips Brooks (1868), music by Lewis Redner

arranged by: Geoff Castellucci

vocal parts: Earl – tenor 1; Eli – tenor 2; Geoff – baritone, bass; Layne – percussion

release date: 15 December 2016

My favorite bits:

starting out classic with some gorgeous, gentle harmonies

Geoff getting to show off his baritone range

Layne, Eli, and Earl's coordinated upward riff on ♫ "everlasting liii-i-i-iiight" ♫

the moment of suspended silence created by speeding up ♫ "the hopes" ♫ and delaying ♫ "and fears" ♫

Eli's clear tone and agile riffing

the build-up on ♫ "Emmanuel" ♫

the breadth of sound in ♫ "and peace to man on Earth" ♫ between Earl's highs and Geoff's lows

all the lovely layering the final section

Trivia:

They released an updated audio version with J.None on their "Warm Up" EP a year later in advance of their holiday shows.

The notes in the YouTube description credit "M.T. Ness" with set design. I suppose you could describe that black void of a background as an empty nest, but it's a bit of a stretch. EDIT: That is, of course, "emptiness". (Thanks to bluedolphin05 for correcting my overrthinking.)

Rev. Phillips Brooks was an Episcopalian priest, and the rector at Church of the Holy Trinity in Philadelphia. He wrote the lyrics to this song as a poem after a trip to Bethlehem in late 1866. Brooks asked the church's organist, Lewis Redner, to compose a melody for it to be included in the Christmas 1868 Sunday school service. The tune was written in less than a week, and eventually titled "St. Louis" by Rev. William Huntington when he published the new carol in his 1874 children's hymnal, The Church Porch.

#VoicePlay #music video #a cappella #Christmas music #music #video

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tocja · 3 months

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Okay, I try to avoid this whole Eurovision thing since Israel is not banned, but something caught my eye.

I came across Polish entries, and first on the list was a song by some young woman in cheap babushka/stereotypical Slavic girl cosplay. And it made me irrationally mad. So mad, actually, that I started talking to myself about why the idea of a young blonde in red lipstick and a plastic flower crown makes my blood boil.

And I came to the conclusion that I hate the idea of 'vague Slavicness.'

There is this ideal that being Slavic means the same thing across borders, and as much as I can appreciate cosmopolitan sentiment in this statement, I have to also notice that this is exactly the type of narration which is used by Russia to deny us identity.

'There is no Ukraine - they are just half-baked Russians';

'They are not Poles - they are Russians in denial';

'We are all the same in our Slavic brotherhood and we will be stronger as one' - and I've met my share of Slavic nationalists to know that for some people, those sound like promises and not threats.

If we are all the same, then it is not an attack - it is unification.

And Slavicness means a lot of things; it is not the same even within the borders of the same country. Seeing this idea of being vaguely Slavic, enough to be recognized as one, but not to the point of giving yourself any actual cultural identity - it seems extremely pandering, as if we are trying to show some sanitized version that could be easily sold to everyone. Everyone recognizes 'babushka,' and who cares if you don't even use that word in Polish - your Slavicness makes you semi-Russian by proxy.

And not to be misunderstood - I don't think that the mentioned singer did that on purpose; I am pretty sure she just wanted to make some cute folkish tune that could represent her country.

I just think that the aesthetic of being Slavic is so ingrained in us that we actually forget that this is a culture, not a box of Pinterest/propaganda prompts.

I am rambling; it doesn't have to mean anything. Maybe because I come from a part of Poland with a strong regional identity and work in a museum, I am uncomfortable with the idea of a 'universal Slav,' and this video just serves as an excuse to rant about things that were already bothering me."

Ok fking wait a second

I was just finishing, when i decided to check the video again. The description states:

Kwiaty" is not just a song; it's a heartfelt journey into Slavic, old-fashioned love. Dama's lyrics take us back to a time when gestures spoke louder than words—buying flowers, sweet words, and walks under the moon. The song contrasts this nostalgic ideal with the modern lack of effort in relationships. Dama sings of a Slavic girl's strength, bravery, and confidence, longing for genuine connections. "Kwiaty" becomes a bridge between cultures, inviting reflection on the essence of sincere, old-fashioned love.

what the fuck is slavic old fashioned love

I was saying that I don't think the singer meant anything bad, and well - yes she did, here you go, you get romanticized slavic traditionalist propaganda about GOOD OLD TIMES XDDD

The lyrics are crazy

So you want me but you won't open me door

So you want me but you won't walk me home

So you want me but won't pay on our date

So being with you and without you it's the same

As it is shown by the text above, I am not native english speaker, I make my share of mistakes, but I am pretty sure that some wonky english is on display here.

I have Slavic blood

I keep my head high

And my tears dry

So don't waste my time

Oh yeah babe, there it is, Slavic blooded girlboss.

OKOKOK i don't want to show more text as it is physically painful, but I couldn't find a better definition of ''vague slavicness'' even if I tried. Some '' Slavic dama'' singing about ''Slavic love'' What makes it slavic? plastic flower crown, white frilly dress and patriarchal views. Culture? Those things I mentioned are not culture?

I believe that slavicness can be genuine, historically informed, modern and progressive please please please don't let us fall into conservative superficial ideals, just because it sometimes feels like there is not much more to us and our culture. We are rich and diverse.

It took a turn lol

#poland #polska #eurovision #slavic #slavs #russia #ukraine #rant #polish tumblr #eastern europe #i am so tired

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quispy-quisp · 7 months

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AFYCSO vs VLV, what... even...

disclaimer: this is just a really totally biased kind of "deep-dive" into the difference between AFYCSO & VLV. yes I know there's a 17 year gap between these albums but it's such a stark contrast I can't not talk about how crazy it is to me!! (this is gonna be a long ass post lmao sorry) Panic! At The Disco and my feelings about the band

Growing up I was definitely into TWTLTRTD & DOAB era Panic! (blame my yeemo phase) but now that I'm a little older I think that AFYCSO & Pretty. Odd. are some of my all-time favourite albums. Nothing Panic ever put out pre-split makes me feel how Ryan Ross's lyrics did and every song off AFYCSO is very close to my heart. I am also a pretty avid disliker of Pray For The Wicked so just keep that in mind. All things Fever A Fever You Can't Sweat Out was released on September 27th 2005 with band members Brendon Urie, Spencer Smith, Ryan Ross, & Brent Wilson from Las Vegas. Their first album for the most part was received with a pretty mixed reaction, they were praised for not really sounding like anything there was at the time (there still isn't a band that sounds just like early Panic did) but criticized for their extremely lucky break by being signed to DCD2 which was a newly formed label owned by Pete Wentz & Patrick Stump as an off-shoot of Fueled By Ramen. In terms of sound, it's kind of hard for me to classify but there are very theatrical elements to most of the songs on that album. The album is split into two distinct sounds of music with the first half of the album being more dance-oriented and the second half being a lot more "emo" Ryan Ross, who was the main lyricist for this album, takes a lot of inspiration from author Chuck Palahniuk and his own personal experiences with infidelity & his relationship with his father. I honestly love this album I don't really have anything bad to say about it. I think Camisado & Build God, Then We'll Talk are some of my favourite songs ever so if you haven't listened to this album yet I can't recommend it enough.

Viva Las Vengeance

I don't know much about this album, unfortunately, I've listened to it ONCE but I can tell that I'm not the biggest fan of a lot of this album, it was released on August 19th 2022 under the artist name Panic! at the disco even though it's been just Brendon for a good amount of time now (that's a whole other can of worms).

From what I've read about the lyrics I think this is supposed to be a concept album but whatever the concept or underlying story is it's lost on me. I do like that they brought back the more orchestral/theatrical feel of the first albums but it still falls flat for me.

Brendon's lyrics to me feel very surface-level and almost rudimentary but I will say that Don't Let the Light Go Out is kind of a banger.

A good chunk of the time when a certain lyric is repeated at the beginning of the album and then repeated at the end, it symbolizes some sort of change in the perspective, for example, one of my other favourite albums Armor For Sleep's What To Do When You're Dead repeats the lyric "don't believe that the weather is perfect the day that you die" showing that the narrator for the album (who dies in the first song) has given up on trying to get the people who are living to hear him, in contrast to the beginning where he feels like he needs these people still (if that makes sense lol).

Brendon I feel tries to do something similar with the lyric "shut up and go to bed" repeating in the first and final track but I still really don't know what this is supposed to symbolize. it feels like there was no growth in this which makes it a lot harder for me to grasp what this album is about. Another thing I really did not enjoy about this album was the use of an 8-track tape, most if not all modern artists use auto-tune and that was really something that was lacking in this album. Brendon has always been known as the guy with the voice, with the decision to use the 8-track tape, it means you can't really auto-tune (as far as I know I might be wrong) and you can hear that Brendon is struggling to hit a good chunk of these high notes which makes some songs a lot more difficult to listen to and makes Brendon's voice a lot less palatable.

One thing I did notice in at least Middle Of A Breakup and Sad Clown is that there's this build-up for a big drop that just doesn't happen and it really throws me off. Some of these songs could be a lot better if they followed a more standard composition because without it they just sound a little wonky/off. And my last gripe with this album is Local God. If this isn't about Dallon Weekes and Ryan Ross I genuinely do not know what on earth this is supposed to be? It is extremely disrespectful to reduce two extremely creative people that you used to be close with to has-beens and "local gods". if this song is supposed to be a sincere song, then I think it may be a little tone-deaf and inappropriate especially as Ryan Ross is one of the main people responsible for Panic! At The Disco even being a thing, and Dallon Weekes being one of the most genuinely creative artists I've seen in a while. What Happened? Not only do I think the passage of time really affected the sound of Panic albums I also think the loss of the original lineup hurt the band's sound. I don't think everything post-split is bad but there's just something about the first two albums that are unmatched compared to everything else in their discography. even when Brendon is going for a more authentic sound using the 8-track tape, it still sounds wildly corporate to me and I think that's why I love the first 2 albums. I know emo doesn't really sell anymore but going the pop root honestly made me a lot less interested in panic than I was growing up. This album more than anything just made me miss pre-split more than I already do and really disappointed in Brendon for continuing the Panic! At The Disco name after everyone had left. It's really sad knowing most people only see Panic as Brendon when it was so much more back in the 2000s.

Anyway, that's the end of my post thanks for reading this, remember this is just my opinion I'd love to know what you think so shoot me a DM or comment whatever. Listen to AFYCSO and don't listen to Viva Las Vengeance for the love of god. Have a good night!!

#pre split panic #brendon urie #ryan ross #pre split patd #afycso #panic! at the disco #viva las vengeance #dallon week #long post

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inkerii · 9 months

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Okay I lied here are some more thoughts on the mlb movie including some actual criticism.

I was just listening to the soundtrack a little and I feel like? A lot of ~character~ is injected into the songs. I mean, it's a musical, it's how they work, characters burst into song when they cant hold back how they're feeling / what they're thinking anymore. But I feel like people who are calling the movie soulless must have just tuned the songs out when they came up, because without them yea, it kinda feels like its just going through the motions. But... It's a movie, so they cant have five million scenes of Mari being awkward, especially since they need her to outgrow it bc ~character development~ so these bits go into her intro song + her first outing as Ladybug. It's obviously stated in Chat's number that he was high off the freedom of being Chat Noir, which explains his cockier attitude towards Ladybug (which is? Not too unlike their dynamic in Origins pt 1 tbh, anyway).

(A detail I love is how in "You Are Ladybug", Marinette's whole point is that when things get rough she "makes excuses", which is a level of self awareness that I don't recall her having to that degree in the early show. At least in season 1, she'd always ALMOST do the things she wanted to, only to stop and second guess herself. I love the interpretation that it isnt just shyness or being frazzled and nervous in front of her crush, like the fandom interpreted, it's her ACTIVELY being aware that she's self sabotaging bc she's afraid of taking chances. It's such a fun little spin on her actions in the show. )

Like. It's all there??? It's in the movie???

Anyway.

Wanna see an ACTUAL criticism? What some songs imply just isn't represented as well visually, which makes the movie more confusing. Most notably Marinette's Sad Song after Adrien turns her down. If you actually listen to what she's saying, it feels like they skipped a few scenes, lol.

Like, listen to it, it's like she's saying she - as Marinette - isn't enough, just being the silly shy girl that she is. This is right after Chat confesses to be falling for Ladybug, but Adrien turns Marinette down. The song is implying that Mari went from not thinking she could be Ladybug to gaining confidence in herself (she's kicking butt as Ladybug, she's overcoming her shyness/awkwardness and making friends, she even managed to ask Adrien out, so its not like the old fic trope in which Mari always had a low self esteem and always considered LB to be perfect, she's getting better as a whole), to only now second guessing it all. Is only Ladybug, her more heroic, responsible side, the one people (boys, "both" of them) like? Is being "just" her softer, klutzier, dreamer self not enough?

It ofc leads into the final fight against Hawkmoth, and how Marinette is so down about it that she now thinks she NEEDS Ladybug to win. She still tries to save Adrien on her own with a last nudge from Tikki, and tho it isn't enough to keep Hawkmoth from getting to him, it's enough for herself. Like, she very clearly Has An Arc in the movie.

The thing is, it can get a little fuzzy because we don't really see this contrast between Ladybug's self assuredness and the parts of herself that Marinette prefers to identify with as a civilian, not if you haven't watched the show. The montage just skips throughout their "pound it!"s without lingering on her resourcefulness, her confidence, and how different Ladybug feels from Marinette. Like, it's there, but only superficially, and its hard to notice it unless you have the backstory from the show to back you up.

It's the same issue with Adrien's feelings towards Marinette, we know from the montage that Mari is special to him, we only ever see him open himself up about Emilie to her (when Nino is Right There and actively letting him know he can talk to him if Adrien wants to), and the end credits song (that seems to match the reveal in both melody and lyrics) basically states what we do know - that Mari is aware that Adrien is Chat Noir and was waiting for the right moment to tell him - and what we DON'T, which is that Adrien always felt a degree of familiarity and a special bond with Mari, possibly bc subconsciously he always knew (which actually calls back surprisingly well to the cut Wall Between Us number and how that poor catboy was SO confused). So he was and wasn't surprised at the same time bc OF COURSE it was her, of course the girls who held his heart on both sides of the mask were one and the same. Ergo the smiling through the tears.

But we don't SEE that, unless you take what the music numbers are saying AND you have watched the first season of the show (I am once again reminding folks that the movie was conceptualized during the season 1 hiatus). You don't SEE Adrien go from a slightly weirded out stranger to someone fondly amused at Mari's antics to blushing and shuffling awkwardly when their fingers touch when playing videogames. You don't see how LB takes control and appears to be a natural leader, heck, the movie does a better job with Ladynoir but it STILL doesn't match how it feels to watch it knowing things like Chat straight up being willing to die for Ladybug in Timebreaker or knowing they kiss once in Dark Cupid or how Chat keeps himself from peeking at who LB is in Lady Wifi. You don't have the Adrienette side of the square to explain some of those lyrics away and the Ladynoir Song(tm) or even the sparring scene, with all the implicit trust they gives us, don't hit as hard as they do with the proper context.

Some of it (Ladynoir) can be excused by it being a movie and having a much more limited runtime to tell a story, but others (Adrienette) just NEEDED a little bit more. Even if it was just one more scene showing how their civilian relationship has ALSO evolved.

That said, it makes me wonder, it's been ages but I loosely remember being told that the movie was supposed to show the origins of Ladybug and Chat Noir back in the day. I wonder if the things we see changed between series and movie (the power ups for instance, details like Nino always having a crush on Alya) weren't originally, and the movie was originally going to be released as both the beginning and the end of season 1, showing how LB and Chat met, revealing Gabriel as Hawkmoth, and concluding the love square shenanigans and giving us a reveal before setting up a season 2 in that post The End scene.

Mostly bc I've been watching season 1 again and if you take Origins out and ignore the smaller incongruencies as just edits reworked into the base story later in order separate the movieverse from the showverse as a way for Zag and Astruc to find a compromise... I'm using an old friend's personalized episode timeline instead of just the release/production order and you can SEE the development there. It's subtle but it exists, and it works surprisingly well.

If you look at it this way, the movie wouldn't need to show things like Adrien's modeling career and Gabriel's micromanaging (which in season 1 STILL works with movie Gabriel, especially knowing he gets obsessed to the point of neglecting his personal hygiene. He's distant and cold but not aggressive), so the show could explore that. The show could set up Adrienette and Ladynoir (and the other subtler sides of the square)'s base dynamics so the movie could do its thing by flipping the love square (had it had more time to properly show the Adrienette side. as I said above, its an actual issue with the movie) and resolving the tension. Even the earphones symbolism would hit harder knowing Adrien went through a whole season without them, only to falter and fall back into using them after LB rejects him.

Idk, I'm too fond of Origins to ever delete it from my heart, but I think its a fascinating concept to think about.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous awakening #miraculous movie #mlb movie spoilers #awakening spoilers #mlb #I am Trying with the tags people #I THINK this is all I wanted to say unless I end up gushing a bit about specific scenes bc I can treat myself to just fawning over things #y'know once in a while without a text wall lol #Origins is STILL my beloved but it's been a REALLY interesting experience to watch season 1 ignoring it #like it fits suprisingly well #all those little changes aside ofc #especially bc you cant really have Mari learning the status quoyo spell only at the end of the season lol #tho I do like the symbolism of her wanting to create things and literally being able to do it at the end #long post #inke speaks #my 2016 self needs to express her Opinions and she will not be held back #its been fun tho.#as i said in my other post about it #its closure.#its nice #I do still really like the movie tho #it gives season 1 the character depth it was missing #or rather that it had but it was wayyy too subtle #it brings it to the forefront of the story #I really like it!#I am once again upset that the show isnt set in this universe #there ARE some things I like about what we actually got... well in seasons 2 #and 3 which was what I watched #buuuut I legit really like the idea and implications of this universe

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macmanx · 2 months

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youtube

Redman presents cuts from his latest album, Where Are We, a medication on the complexities of America, featuring new collaborator vocalist Gabrielle Cavassa. In "Chicago Blues," Redman's take on a Count Basie classic, and a cover of Bruce Springsteen's "Streets of Philadelphia," Cavassa and Redman dance over the anchoring grooves from bassist Philip Norris and drummer Nazir Ebo, while pianist Paul Cornish delivers a stunning improvised transition between the two songs. For the final selection, Redman opens with an improvisation on "America the Beautiful." The traditional, patriotic tune is a stark contrast to the ugly inspiration for the plaintive "After Minneapolis" that follows, about the murder of George Floyd by a Minneapolis police officer. The song's growing maelstrom surrounds Redman's haunting wails and Cavassa's mournful interpretation of Redman's lyrics. Throughout, Redman's solos serve to illustrate why he is one of today's best saxophonists.

#music #jazz #joshua redman #gabrielle cavassa #paul cornish #philip norris #nazir ebo #tiny desk concert

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explosionshark · 19 days

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Shuffle your favorite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. Then copy/paste this ask to your favorite mutuals. 💌🖤

aw thanks josie

idk if this is my FAVORITE playlist but i did shuffle my hugelong 47 hour driving playlist and got these songs

Saturdays by Twin Shadow (feat. Haim) - just a super fun little pop song by two artists I really like. Total bop, upbeat 80s vibes, it's on the driving playlist for a reason. Musical equivalent of a super sugary latte in the morning

Shove by L7 - Smell the Magic is probably my favorite L7 album ngl. Shove is a perfect album opener, grimy riffz, gnarly punk rock vox, delightfully pissed off (and timeless!) lyrics

The Grain by Hammers of Misfortune - this song has such a great epic vibe to it. I love how big the chorus is - very hooky and SO dramatic. Love the galloping heavy metal bass, and the atmosphere the keyboard provides. Killer tune.

Distortion Sleep by Soilwork - ANOTHER RIPPER. God, Soilwork was my life at one point. I still love 'em, but nothing compares to how much a 16 year old gets attached to their first spate of melodic death metal bands. Another big chorus - Speed Strid is honestly one of the best to ever do it, I never get tired of his vocals

What Might Soothe You? by Pity Sex - my FAVORITE Pity Sex song, which is a big deal, cause I love all of their songs. I love the way the big fuzzy shoegaze riffs and the jaunty percussion play off each other in this song, I love the contrast between Brennan Greaves' slightly monotone vocals and Britty Drake's high, clear voice. The lyrics are really vivid too. Ugh, it's perfect, it's the perfect Pity Sex song

Here's the playlist if you wanna listen:

rather than keeping this going as an ask game, I'll tag a few people here: @shewhosleepsalotincemeteries, @holdsteady, @peachythesequel, @nataliving, @coraniaid, and @badwolfwho1 if you feel like doin it! (no pressure)

#replies #necrotic-biotic

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ughitsl-ay · 2 years

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Portwell Engame

AN: Ok so I accidentally posted an alt ending on my page so imma give the full thing so it makes sense. Feel free to comment which ending seems better!

AN: This is how I win. Like now stay with me, this is what tf is going to happen season finale. WATCCHHH. So this is how I envision portwell ending up staying together, but not without angst from Ricky’s irra ass. It's going to give Rina for bit but trust I make it worth your while IKDR!

DESC: So lemme preface it with some information. Gina has been feeling conflicted about her feeling towards Ricky at camp which obviously causes tension between ej and gina’s new budding relationship. this is set as the season finale.

Gina feels like a volcano boiling over, waiting to erupt. She finally felt like she had stability. A semblance of order. And now it seems like it’s all being thrown away because she can’t choose! She just walked away from EJ after having a conversation with him. They decided to cool off their relationship with each other after the confusion she has been feeling towards Ricky. As always, Ej being a better man than everybody. He was understanding and respectful. Telling her to not sweat it and even giving a corny dad joke which made her laugh. She knew though that it hurt him. If only for how his smile dropped when he thought she wasn’t looking.

Now she’s sitting around a campfire with the other members, trying to act like she’s not deeply upset. It used to come easy to her to fake it. After moving as many times as her, she learned how to shapeshift, like a chameleon. She knew exactly how malleable she needed to become to be likable. But now, it’s so much harder to conjure up that same determination she had to be liked. To put on a mask so everyone else is more comfortable.

The fire is warm on her skin, contrasting to the slight breeze from the night air. The other campers are singing, “Can I have This Dance” by the musical Disney movie High School Musical 3. She tries to mumble the lyrics too but can’t seem to bring herself to do it.

She looks up, her eyes glazed over as her mind races thinking about other things when she catches Ricky’s eye.

He’s looking directly at her. His guitar in one hand. It almost seems like he’s singing directly to her. The crackling flames from the fire dancing in his brown eyes. (watch this kiki)

And with every step together, we just keep on getting better So can I have this dance (can I have this dance)

His melodic voice rings out through the camp as he sings along to the lyrics. Making gina’s breath hitch in her throat, and her heart beat faster. It’s almost like her ears zero in on his voice only. The other campers’ voice blending in with the noise of the night.

Finally they get to the last lyric, the other campers voices getting quiet as Ricky strums out the last tune of the song.

“Can I have this dance?”

His eyes burn into hers, “Can I have this dance?” His voice being the only one still singing.

Suddenly she cannot take it anymore. Feeling overwhelmed, hot, and more confused than she’s ever felt in her life. She hops off the lawn chair and quickly runs in the opposite direction. Closer to the yurts and back to her room. Back to safety. Back to where things weren’t as complicated.

Unfortunately she can hear that someone is following her. Their footsteps crunching the dark dirt under their shoes. Walking briskly. She wants to keep walking. Pretend she doesn’t hear anything. And she almost does. She starts walking faster, her head down and her heart in her throat when she hears a voice ring out.

“Gina.”

She stops in her tracks.

Damn it.

She doesn’t turn around. But she hears the footsteps getting closer, until she feels a hand at her shoulder.

“Gina. Please.”

She squeezes her eyes tight. Takes a breathe and let’s him turn her around. Ricky’s hand sliding down to her hand.

And there he is.

His curls moving slightly with the wind, Those dark brown eyes looking deeply into her own with determination and intensity.

Those damn eyes.

Those eyes used to make her heart skip a beat. It used to have her cheeks warm and a smile stained onto her lips. She doesn’t know how she feels now.

not like-

Ricky exhales and gives a smirk, “You would make an excellent track star, Gina Porter.”

She smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

His smirk drops slowly and he let’s out another breath. Like he’s psyching himself up for something.

“Gina...I-”, He shakes his head, his brain trying to conjure up the words he wants desperately to say.

“I like you. A lot. Like more than I ever thought I would. And it hit me like a train. We have been dancing the same dance for years and it seems like it took me to see you with someone else, to really see you.”

He steps closer, “See you how you wanted me to see you I suspect. See you how you ought to be seen.” He breaks off with a slight nervous smile, “I’m bad at this, words, which is weird because I write songs but I’m rambling now which is besides the point, what I mean to say is...”, he grasps her other hand, it seems the flames she saw in his eyes at the campfire have returned. Maybe they were never from the fire. Just him, “I want to be with you. Gina. Truly. Badly.” His hands shaking hers slightly on the last word, yearning in his voice.

She should smile right? she should smile and interlock her fingers with his and nod and finally have the clarity and the guy she wants, right? Right?

But...she doesn't feel that way. She doesn’t feel anything really. She just feels tired.

He must see the facial expression on her face because his small smile drops.

She drops his hands and shakes her head, her eyes becoming misty, “Ricky, I can’t do this.”

Stark understanding shows through his eyes and he swallows thickly. He looks down. Hurt evident in his voice, “Oh.”

There’s a silence between them for a loaded minute. The energy between them is oh so stagnant. So still. But she hears the crickets and the wind. Can smell the smoke in the air and hear the distant laughter from the other campers. It’s just them.

Ricky and Gina. Gina and Ricky.

The new kid and the skater boy.

Oh how times have changed.

He picks up his head and looks at her with lowered eyes. “Do you- I just...”, he sighs, “Why?”

She shrugs, looking around, finally feeling the chill of the air, “Ricky I-”, She takes a breath and looks directly at him, “I think I deserve better. “

He looks at her, his eyes getting slightly bigger.

She sniffles and wipes her nose with the back of her hand, blaming it on the cold and not how she feels inside, “I spent so many-so many of the most transformative years of my life, pining after YOU, chasing after YOU, wishing, hoping, praying, that one day you’d finally see something that wasn’t there. I wished so badly that I was enough. “

He shakes his head reaching towards her as he steps forward, she steps back, “I wanted so badly for someone to want me the way it seemed I did with everyone else. I wanted and yearned for a friend, I crushed after you, I wanted my teachers to like me and people to think I was good. that I was great actually. Someone worth it. Someone to keep around.”

He interrupts her, “You are, Gina. You are worth it I’m sorry-”

She continues, “I mean I cried over you, I cried to you. I put my heart on the line multiple times, constantly putting myself out there when every fiber in my being was telling me to walk away to avoid getting hurt.”

His hands drop back to his sides. Looking caught in her intense stare.

“And I got nothing in return.”, she balls her hands up at her sides, “I deserve to be pined after. To be wanted. To be chased. To be treated as the first choice. I deserve to be wanted first, Ricky. Not after I’ve moved on. Not after I’ve finally gotten everything I’ve wanted.”

He slumps and looks down. Nodding his head. She un-balls her fists and a cool breeze comes across her face. Cooling down her heated cheeks. She closes her eyes for a bit. Just feeling. Just for a moment.

She hears his small voice, making her open her eyes, “Was it that bad? Was I-” he stops for a second and starts again, “Were there no good moments between us?”

She almost wants to scream at him. To tell him yes it was bad and that he was careless with her precious heart and made her feel lonely. If this was 2 years ago she would have. She would have let him have it and walked away while her heart was breaking. Then pushed it back inside and deep down into the recesses of her body. Another thing to carry with her. But she wasn’t Gina 1.0. Not fully. And really...it’s not his fault. He can’t choose who to love. He can’t choose who his heart belongs to.

“No, Ricky...it wasn’t all bad. “ She looks at him with kind eyes, “ That first year I moved here, I was so stressed and scared. I didn’t want to get attached to anybody and tried so hard to keep my distance. But you”, she pokes him in his shoulder, a genuine smile on her lips, “wiggled yourself in. and I softened. I will always be eternally grateful for you taking a chance on me. I truly truly am.”

She could see the relief her words gave him. How his shoulders sagged and his face softened. It almost felt unfair that she’s giving him peace of mind. That he get’s comforted in this situation.

Now there was a comfortable silence between them. It seems that the campers had finally retired for the night because there wasn’t any background noise. It finally felt like a weight has been lifted off her chest. This whole summer, there was turmoil and confusion. Her heart at it’s capacity for how she was feeling. Now it just felt calm, and good.

“It’s him right? He wanted you first right? EJ?”

She breaks out in a big smile. Looking down bashfully, “Yes, yes he did. He listens to me. And gives me advice and a shoulder to lean on. He lifts me up and he’s smart and nice. And he makes me laugh which is surprising given his horrible dad jokes.” they both chuckle, “And he’s a good guy. He’s actually a great guy. He actually bought a plane ticket for me to come back to salt lake to see the musical that year. And that was before everything. Before we both changed and grew. I think EJ has always had that inside of him. That goodness. He was just fighting against it.”

She sighs, “And really...he’s probably my favorite person. No he is. He is my favorite person. I like being around him-it’s like there’s this ball of warm energy around him and it’s addicting to be around. It’s like you can’t help yourself. “

They fall into another short reprieve from talking and her thoughts are all on EJ. She left it so horribly with him. Basically dumped him for another guy and ran off. And him being the fluffiest cutest, most endearingly good guy she’s ever met, took it all with a smile.

My god...

She looking at the ground, panic clouding her thoughts when Ricky interrupts her spiraling inner monologue.

“Go. I’ll be fine.”

She gives a slight smile and walks away towards the barn. That was the last place she saw him at. Where she basically told him that they should call it quits. It’s probably too late. He’s probably asleep in bed and she’s wasting her time.

She opens the barn doors with a creak. She looks around her eyes adjusting to the dark, the moonlight through the big windows being the only source of light. That's when she sees him.

He's sitting at the table that was used for auditions. His elbows propped up on the table and chin against his knuckles. He has a candle lit on the table. giving off a huge shadow cast from him. He’s fiddling with the papers on the table.

He looks very un-EJ. Which makes a knot form in her throat and a rock settle in her stomach.

She quietly walks over to the table. Right next to other chair next to him. He finally looks up at her and his eyes widen.

“Gina?”

She smiles slightly, “In the flesh, can I...sit?”

He looks at her with confusion and nods absent-mindedly. Never taking his eyes off of her.

She always wants him to look at her like that.

She sits down and turns to looks at him. He tenses and drops the arm that was holding up his chin.

“So...how did everything go with RB?” He bumps his shoulder against her and gives a smile. It doesn’t reach his eyes though. It actually doesn’t even reach his lips really. It sort of turns into a grimace

Her heart clenches.

She puts her hand on the arm that’s still on the table, “EJ...”

He shrugs her off, “I mean, did it go well? Ah that Ricky. It’s 2 to 0 now. It seems he always get’s the last laugh huh?”

And she might have felt offended. That she isn’t just some prize to win and lose. But she knew it was deeper than that. She knew that he was really hurt. More than he was letting on.

She was about to speak up but he was quicker. “And honestly I should have known, I mean you’re Gina Porter. You’re so incredibly talented and smart and pretty. And I was so mean when we first met. So incredibly rude and selfish.” He shakes his head, self-deprecation coloring his words, “So maybe this is for the best after all. Ricky is actually a good guy and I just want you to be ha-”

She interrupts him by turning his head towards her with a hand on her cheek. Slowly.

Oh so slowly.

His eyes reach hers. Those beautiful green eyes. EJ could never hide a thing in his eyes. Too expressive. Too sensitive. She could see the glassiness in them now. Something that she put there.

She puts her other hand to his other cheek. So she’s cradling his face in her palms.

“EJ...Eric. I’m right here.”

He blinks in confusion.

She scoots closer to him. Her face inches from him.

“Im right here. Sitting next to you. With you. I’m not going anywhere. “

He looks into her eyes, searching for hesitancy. Lies. He seems satisfied because his eyes slide down to his lips then back to her eyes.

“Why?” He whispers.

She gives a small smile and presses her forehead against his. Their noses slightly touching. She slides her hands back towards the nape of his neck. Combing his soft brown locks at the bottom.

He sighs.

“Because you make me so incredibly happy. You really do, EJ. And you’re the nicest person I know. You listen to me, and give me advice. You never make me feel like I’m taking up too much space. You calm me. You make me laugh everyday. And your jokes are horrible, absolutely terrible, “ They both chuckle, “But I love them so much...You have this bright and beautiful presence around you and it’s like I’m gravitated to it. I’m sorry for straying. I was confused then. I’m not anymore. “

He’s smiling genuinely now and her heart feels full and skips a beat.

This is what it feels like. Huh.

He shakes his head and puts his palm against her face. His thumb grazing the apple of her cheek and his pointer finger pushing a braid behind the shell of her ear. She shivers.

“You are the most incredible person I've ever met. Truly. I haven’t felt this happy in a long time. And it’s all because of you. And I haven’t felt as much despair as I did when I thought I lost you,” She shakes her head and push themselves closer, a sliver of distance between them, “You don’t realize how precious you are to me.” He whispers against her lips.

Her eyes are closed now and her voice slurs as she speaks quietly to him, “I think I’m in love with you.”

#portwell #ej caswell #gina porter #rickey bowen #camp #fanfic #misdirection101 #how I win #season finale

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