#...but when it's chronic... when you forget your name or you forget where you're going or you forget something important daily...
Text
To people of loved ones with poor memory:
It might be frustrating when they forget something (especially if it's important), but I can guarantee you that they are already beating themself up over having forgotten yet another thing. You don't need to rub that shame, embarrassment, and humiliation in deeper than it already is.
It is scary to forget things. It's humiliating to be told that the only reason we forget things is because we think nothing is important, that we're selfish and callous. Our brains are being pulled in every direction at the same time. It's impossible to keep track of this shit every picosecond of the day.
People like to conceptualize memory issues as a matter of lesser intelligence, that we're too stupid to even remember [minor detail]. I've noticed, though, that all of our brain power is kept toward other things - keeping ourselves alive, remembering a different thing, trying to regulate emotions or other disorders. Nobody seems to care that our workload is at least twice that of the "average" person's, I guess because they often don't directly notice it, or it doesn't directly affect them?
It's fine to be upset about the situation. You can't help that reaction, but you do not have to be cruel to people with memory issues, no matter the cause of it. Whatever they forgot might have been important to you, but there may be other things in that person's life that required their brainpower.
#disability#memory issues#memory loss#i've noticed that with a lot of conditions and issues that people are sympathetic up until it's a long-standing or chronic problem...#...people are sympathetic if you occasionally forget your lunch at home or you forget your great-great-great aunt's maiden name...#...but when it's chronic... when you forget your name or you forget where you're going or you forget something important daily...#...it becomes a you-caused issue. when it is the occasionally ill-remembered item that's a brain fart...#...it's something you can laugh off and forget...#...but if it's chronic it ceases to be a problem that's caused by other forces but is SOLELY caused by you...#...YOU are the one who CHOSE to forget these important things...#...that's what compounds the shame and grief and self-hatred and fundamental mistrust in ourselves and the world around us
327 notes
·
View notes
Text
More Headcanons: Personality Quirks
Leo:
• calm and collected but also very stubborn. it's his way or the high way until you prove him otherwise
• feelings aren't foreign but definitely aren't something he's particularly good at. he's guarded when he's confronted with someone who's heart is on their sleeve
• feelings, that being said, aren't a sign of weakness in his eyes. go ahead, be angry or be sad, but get it together cause shit needs done
• only truly comforting if you're full blown sobbing, and depending on your relationship, big bro leo or soft boyfriend leo come out
• best at de-escalation unless he's the one fighting with the other person
• hates, hates, hates being wrong (i don't make the rules) but weirdly not afraid to apologize for being wrong, in his own way of course
• he hates the word sorry and believes it's just a word. since he's a man of few words, he prefers to show he's sorry. (i've mentioned it before and i'll die on this hill, king of acts of service)
• can dish advice like it's candy but for the life of him can't take his own advice
• the patience of an absolute saint, unless you're one of his brothers
• confrontation is his middle name
• sarcastic but very thoughtful and very appreciative
• besides mikey, he gets the most depressed because he feels like his only identity is a leader at times
• he strikes me as the kind of guy that just comes up out of nowhere and says "need some help with that?"
• willing to try anything once, open minded to an extent if it's not dangerous
• extremely trustworthy and loyal
Raph:
• hothead but the most sensitive out of all the brothers. very quick to cry
• feelings, like mikey, are shown on his sleeve. he makes it everyone's problem
• bad at communication...that's all i gotta say on that
• unhealthy projector of feelings but is willing to hear tips on how to do better
• the type to start crying if you start crying
• not the most patient in the world but if you're new something he tries (keyword: tries) to be as patient as possible
• he gets awkward if he knows he hurt someone's feelings and has to apologize. very bad at words and not the best at showing he's truly sorry
• horrible at advice
• chronic gaslighter in some situations (i don't make the rules)
• he truly does try to better himself if you call him out on his bs, he's able to hold himself accountable..in his own way
• even though he's a hothead, once you start crying, immediately he stops. the first sight of your lip quivering and he's shut up cause he crossed the line and he knows it
• doesn't mind confrontation
• loyal, loyal, loyal
• type to hold a grudge forever and never forget
• the "where's my hug at" guy
Donnie:
• his intelligence is his strongest suite but sometimes it goes to his head...literally
• very awkward with feelings and has no idea what to do in situations that call for comfort
• unless he's very comfortable with you, he will send you to someone else if you're upset so he doesn't upset you more
• not emotional but also not not emotional
• doesn't like confrontation at all unless you're nice about it
• best at communication out of all the guys because if he's bothered, he makes it very known
• besides mikey, he's very easily manipulated
• chronic overthinker
• very insecure in his abilities as a ninja
• hates to talk about his feelings and bottles them up until he explodes
• not one to get angry but he is the passive aggressive king
• germaphobe (no elabortion...he just is)
• he's very kind and very helpful when the situation calls for it
• he's the most gentle of all the guys
• definitely on the spectrum (not sure which, but he's definitely on one)
Mikey:
• number one most emotional out of all the brothers and doesn't show it
• jokester but is able to have meaningful and deep conversations the best
• most empathetic and compassionate but too quick to trust
• explosive temper that only comes out when his family or friends are in life threatening danger
• feelings are worn on his sleeve and he isn't ashamed to show them
• boundaries are an extreme work in progress (do with that what you will)
• sometimes is unable to decifer when not to make a joke
• will take jokes as far as they'll go to the point where the offense level is very questionable
• apologizes until it gets incredibly annoying
• will never be afraid to share his opinion but will always be quick to point out the good
• he cries all the time with no shame
• actually a very analytical and extreme outside the box thinker
• the "i had him/her first" friend if you get into a relationship
• very good listener when needed, but selective hearing most of the time
• he has adhd. nothing further needed.
#rise of the tmnt#tmnt 2012#tmnt ask blog#tmnt bayverse#tmnt donatello#tmnt leonardo#tmnt michelangelo#tmnt raphael#ask blog#tmnt 2003#tmnt headcanons
150 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hiii im a chronically ill and disabled person and I was wondering if you could do a Ranboo x gender neutral reader that’s having a doctors appointment (list of things they would do for comfort when reader is fearful of being there?) :3
hi!!! and yes of course I could!! hope you enjoy! sorry if anything seems a little inaccurate bc I took some stuff I already know and used it for this and stuff but everyone's different lmao
RANBOO ; minor nosocomephobia
summary ; you take ranboo to the doctors with you for some moral support
warnings ; language, talk about hospitals/illness, nail biting and nervous scratching
genre ; fluff
word count ; 578
masterlist
he notices you fidgeting around as you're making your way up the elevator, picking at your nails, scratching your wrists, frequently running a hand through your hair, etcetera
they silently rub your shoulder and give you a little comforting nod as you travel down to the office where the nurses were directing you
you guys have to wait like a fucking hour after the nurse checks your blood pressure and does some basic procedures and whatnot
meanwhile they eventually reach into their enormous pockets and pull out a little fidget toy for you
"you better stop picking at your nails before I smack you. slash lighthearted"
he ensures that while he blabbers on about dumb shit, that you at least smile or giggle
he understands that you're nervous and with the long amount of waiting, it doesn't make it any better, delaying it more just makes you more anxious
if your focus strays away from the fidget toy he brought for you, he's got three more don't even worry bro
while the doctor is asking you questions, you keep looking over at them like they're gonna speak for you because you don't know how to answer some of the questions
at one point you have no idea what the doctor meant because the words got jumbled in your head from the anxiety
ranboo quickly answered for you in a heartbeat and apologized, considering they saw you silent trying to think
while the doctor has you do some physical tests to make sure your heart is running at a "you-normal" pace, he's hyping you up
if you have to do a 6 minute walk to track the way your lungs and heart pump blood and give you air to breathe, he's at one end of the hallway quietly shouting compliments and getting you through it with a little less embarrassment
the doctor is confused but supportive of him doing this for you considering they always knew you seemed very anxious around the the hospital and you seemed a little less scared about it
whatever to get you talking a little more could really go the extra mile, they're happy that you found a good way to do that as well, especially with it being a person
if for any reason they need to stick tubes on you or take ultrasounds around your body, he'll let you squeeze his hand all that you need to
they promise you your favorite fast food/takeout afterwards that way you'll try and get through it a little smoother
if you need him outside the room to talk to your doctor, he leaves in a heartbeat, he'll never disrespect your privacy, don't worry
he took pictures of all your medication bottles before leaving since he knew you'd forget to
you guys both messily botch the names while trying to pronounce them and you and the doctor all get a laugh out of it
he writes down everything the doctor says/recommends for you
they talk with the doctor in private for a bit and stuff while you're signing papers and shit
the sigh of relief once you leave 😭 ran literally looks down at you with a "yeah?"
on the way back down to the parking garage you're still fidgeting with the little tangle they'd given you because obviously going to the doctors because you're chronically ill isn't the funnest thing ever
gives you a big hug once you get to the car
"see? you're so brave and awesome"
"well, thanks for coming with me"
#lowkeyrobin#mcyt x reader#mcyt preferences#mcyt oneshot#tommyinnit x reader#ranboo x reader#tubbo x reader#badlinu x reader#ranboo oneshot#they/them reader#gn reader#gender neutral reader
39 notes
·
View notes
Note
You already know this but San x fem!reader pretty please <3 Where him and the reader go from friends to strangers to lovers. San and reader misunderstand their feelings for platonic ones and eventually fall apart due to "unrequited love", San sees reader asomeone else and tries to win her back. Write me your smuttiest smut >:)
All About You- Choi San
NSFW CONTENT MINORS DNI
(Title from All About You by ATEEZ)
Contains: childhood best friends to lovers, realisation of feelings, getting together, fluff, angst with happy ending, protective bestie Mingi, strangely responsible Wooyoung and Yeosang, the rest of the boys being chaotic, eventual smut, fingering (fem), hickies, unprotected sex (you guys stay safe though), slightly possessive and jealous San, idk what else
[Wordcount: 8.2k]
A/N: I went off script a little, bestie, sorry😭 I'm also sorry it's so long😭 I hope you like it still.
San pulled out and rolled off of his girlfriend before he'd even properly caught his breath again, eager to move onto something else and Yunji just watched him with a scowl.
She wasn't sure if he was even aware of what he was doing but she couldn't help but think that as time passed he seemed to want to be less and less intimate with her. They hadn't been on a single date in months which she supposed in the grand scheme of things wasn't all that important but it still hurt. What hurt even more though was that he barely held her anymore and she had started to get the impression that sleeping with her had started to seem like a chore to him. He wasn't as passionate as he had been when they had first met and it was beginning to seem that he wasn't even enjoying himself anymore. He wasn't as vocal anymore during intimate acts and seemed to focus more on climaxing than the journey to climax. To be honest, it hurt so badly. She loved this man so deeply and had for so long and for him to make it seem like he was losing interest in her body and her in general hurt. She tried to convince herself she was just being a chronic over-thinker and that none of it was true. It worked. Almost.
The scowl on her face deepened as he turned his back on her, not even sparing her a quick smile or kiss, and pulled his phone off the bedside table. He stayed like that for a few minutes, on his side, busy with his phone that was on charge.
"San?" She murmured. She was curious but also annoyed, especially when he merely hummed in response to her calling his name.
She cleared her throat, "I was thinking that maybe we could-" He still wasn't paying attention to her, eyes glued to his phone screen.
"San!" She said louder this time, putting her hand on his shoulder.
He looked at her over his shoulder distractedly, mind seemingly elsewhere, "What?"
She felt a little hurt by the look of what almost looked like disinterest and impatience on his handsome face. A stark contrast to the sunshine-esque grins that usually took that place on his features.
"I was trying to ask you something," She paused and eyed his phone screen with a frown, "What are you even doing?"
He sat up against the headboard, taking his phone off charge as he did so, "Well, as of next Friday, Y/n and I have been best friends for twenty years and I want to get her something to celebrate. Any ideas?" He asked with a proud grin.
She gave him an incredulous look, "You're worried about her when…" She sighed dejectedly, "Do you even know what day it is?"
"Uh…Saturday? Am I forgetting something?" He responded in confusion with that little head tilt she'd once found so endearing.
Pain shot through her heart, quick and sharp; they had been together for so long that you'd think he'd remember the important things. She gave him a heartbroken look of disbelief, "It's our third anniversary."
His face fell and he instantly reached for her face, cupping it in his hand, "Oh, fuck, baby, I'm so sorry. I don't know how I could forget."
"But you managed to remember the exact day you met her in kindergarten?" She let herself lean into his touch for a moment before pulling her face away. His heart ached at the way she moved out of his hold, sitting up and tugging the sheets over her naked body.
"I... It's hard to forget, Ji. She'd just moved to Namhae and joined us in our class exactly a week before Chuseok and-"
Yunji scoffed, tears collecting in her lashline- she wasn't even sure if they were the result of anger or sadness anymore, "Do you even remember how we met?"
"Yes, of course," He reached for her hand with a warm smile, "We met at Seonghwa's graduation party. Jongho invited you."
A deeply sad look settled in her eyes at his words, "San… We met at the Starbucks near the library at SNU. Jongho's girlfriend set us up on a blind date."
His smile fell from his face, "Oh, yes of course. I'm sorry, I was mixing it up with-"
Yunji pulled her hand out of his, her gaze hardening, "Your ex. That's how you met your ex."
San panicked, "I'm sorry! Sometimes I don't have the best memory."
She shook her head with a humourless laugh, "But you can remember things like when she cried after her first kiss because she thought the guy was ugly? Or that her favourite stuffed animal's name is Terry? Or the time Mingi tricked her into drinking some crazy mixture he'd thought up and she puked on his new shoes? Or the time she fell down Yunho's stairs at his housewarming party and needed stitches? Need I go on?"
San frowned, "Those things happened before you and I met, how do you know about all of that?"
She finally snapped, "Because you never stop fucking talking about her!"
He was taken aback by her outburst, "She's my best friend…What are you insinuating?"
"That you're in love with her, San!"
San's stomach flipped uncomfortably, "What makes you think that? I'm literally in bed with you."
"That means nothing right now."
"What?"
"San, I've witnessed first-hand how you drop anything and everything for her. I've seen how upset you get every time she starts seeing someone new. You act like she hung the stars in the sky just for you. She outshines everyone else in your eyes. I know it. I've seen how you look at her." Her voice cracked on the last sentence and she paused, wiping at the tears trekking down her flushed cheeks before continuing, "You love her."
"As a friend! I love you. You know that, baby!" He pleaded and tried reaching for her again, wanting to hold her, to make this okay but also mostly to drown out the thoughts he'd always pushed back that were suddenly louder than anything else in his head.
"Yeah? You've not once looked at me that way. Never, San! You barely even touch me anymore. Do you have any fucking clue how much that hurts?"
He paused, her words finally sinking in. She watched the wheels in his head turn and her heart dropped into her stomach at the flicker of realisation she saw in his eyes. She had hit the nail on the head.
"I… I love you," He murmured, his chest tight, but even he could hear the uncertainty in his voice.
She shook her head sadly and got up, pulling the sheets off of him and wrapping herself in them as she walked towards their shared closet.
For once, considering their conversation and the way she didn't even seem comfortable enough around him to let him see her naked suddenly, the normally confident San felt ashamed when he was left naked on the bed and rushed to grab his boxers off the floor and yank them on.
He left the bed after her and made his way over to where she was struggling to pull a duffel bag off the top shelf with one hand, her other still clutching the sheets to her body. He wanted to help her but he had a horrible feeling about where this was going.
"What are you doing?" He sounded panicked and it almost made her feel guilty. She avoided looking at him, knowing that his sad puppy eyes would hurt more than anything.
She managed to finally yank the bag free and let it fall to the ground at her feet as she reached for his clothes.
His eyes widened, "Baby, what-"
Her head snapped in his direction, "Don't call me that!" She hissed.
San's mouth clamped shut and he flinched at the tone of her voice and once again she nearly felt guilty.
She forced herself to ignore the look on his face and started haphazardly shoving his clothes into the bag. All he could do was stand and stare stupidly as she filled it before she roughly zipped it up and threw it at him. It landed heavily at his feet and his stomach dropped to the floor along with it.
"I… I don't understand," He muttered softly but he did. Her intentions were clear as day.
"Get out." She spat, jaw tense and gaze determined. She didn't even bother wiping her face anymore and San's heart ached at the sight of her glistening cheeks. She didn't deserve this. She was good, kind and loving. She was devoted and the more San thought about it, he realised he hadn't been. He hadn't been the person she deserves.
The longer they stood and stared at each other, the worse San felt. Tears bubbled up inside of him. He felt horrible. He might not be crazy in love with her but he cared about her deeply after three years and the fact that he'd repaid her three years of love with this? That hurt.
"I'm so sorry, Yunji, you don't-"
"Shut up and get out!" angry tears shone in her eyes.
She was quite a sight. Jaw tense, gaze hard, cheeks tear-stained, hair sex-ruffled and a sheet clutched firmly to her body. A lover scorned.
"It's late. Where am I supposed to go?" He tried to reason with her as he pulled on his previously discarded shirt.
"I don't care. The streets. That bitch's arms. Your dumb friends. Just get the fuck out!"
"But-"
"Out, San! I don't want to see or hear from you again. You can send one of your stupid friends to come get your shit."
San gazed at her a moment longer, wanting to apologise once more for the absolute fuck up he had made but she was livid and he knew speaking would only further anger her. So, he sucked it up, gave her one final look, grabbed his things and left the apartment.
***
The cold autumn weather was especially cold to San who stood on the sidewalk in nothing but boxers and a t-shirt. It was humiliating but somehow he felt he deserved it.
It was completely dark apart from the glow of a streetlamp further down the sidewalk and San had never been more grateful than when Wooyoung picked up on the first ring and even more so when he and Yeosang picked him up and let him crash at their place.
They listened to him and held him as he cried. He hadn't even been sure about why he was crying by that point. Was it because of the fact that he had broken his girlfriend's heart, a person he considered a close friend at the minimum? Was he crying because he was now losing that close friend and the life they had together? Or was crying because of how hard her words had hit him? How true they were? Was he sobbing because he had only just realised that he was madly in love with his best friend? San felt like and probably was the biggest idiot on the face of planet Earth.
He had felt too emotionally conflicted and confused to even tell his best friend about what had even happened. He didn't want her asking questions. Questions needed answers and even if San could provide those he wasn't sure that she would like them. He didn't need to lose another person he cared about- especially not her. Never her.
She had been highly concerned for that week and a half after the breakup she wasn't even aware of. He hadn't responded to any of her usual texts apart from a quick "Happy 20th anniversary, brat." Nor had he answered any of her calls.
After him being off grid for that long, when he had finally contacted her she had been relieved- only for that relief to once more be replaced by concern when he told her about his break up with Yunji. She had panicked at the news, assuming San was heartbroken and she wanted to be there with him. He had tried to assure her that he was alright but she insisted they meet up, even if it was just to hang out and not talk about her. She said she had missed him and just wanted to see him. He hated the way his heart fluttered when she told him that.
Eventually, he relented and told her to meet him at the beach. He loved the beach. Being from Namhae and growing up relatively close to the ocean, the beach had always been a place San loved. He would go there to clear his head and just breathe the salty air and listen to the sound of the birds. He most liked it at night though, when all he could hear was the rhythmic crash of waves against the shore and could look out at the stars littering the sky. It was his safe haven of sorts and so he chose that time and place for her to meet him.
She hadn't thought the request was strange. She was accustomed to spending nights at the beach with him and it brought her comfort just as much as it brought him. He brought her comfort. It had become a ritual for them to meet there when either of them were feeling out of sorts.
"Hey~" San heard a voice call out and he perked up; he would know that voice anywhere.
He looked up with a grin as his best friend sauntered up to him from up the beach and plopped down next to him on the blanket he had spread out on the sand.
"Hey," He echoed, switching his beer to his other hand so that he could pull her in for a quick side hug.
She smiled, ruffled his hair and then set her bag down in front of her, pulling out a few more beers and a few bags of chips. San snatched one up instantly, "Hah! My favourite."
She rolled her eyes affectionately at him but her face turned serious soon after and she gave him a searching look. He frowned, a cheese puff halfway to his mouth, "What?"
"How are you holding up?" She asked and he sighed, popping the chip in his mouth and chewing thoughtfully. He washed it down with a swig of beer before speaking again.
"Fine, I guess." He looked into the flickering flames of the fire before him instead of at her. He didn't like the look of pity settling in her eyes. He didn't deserve pity; he'd brought this upon himself.
She placed a hand on his knee, "Are you sure, Sannie? You guys were together for a long time."
He swallowed thickly. To be honest, now that he was away from her and could see the situation from a different perspective, he didn't know how to feel. He had thought he had loved his ex too. They had been together for three years and you'd think that in that space of time he would definitely be in love at some point or another but San wasn't sure anymore.
In light of recent revelations, he thought, perhaps their relationship had been a mistake after all. He had gotten with her around two months after his best friend had gotten with her now ex-boyfriend. If you had said to him at that time that he was doing it out of jealousy he would have laughed, said you were being ridiculous and that he really liked Yunji that's all, but now he wasn't sure about that anymore. Perhaps he really had been jealous and lonely. No, he had been lonely and jealous. Lonely without her and jealous that she would brush him off so often to hang out with a man who had suddenly replaced San as the centre of all her affection. He had hated seeing her in his arms and at that time had chalked it up to being a protective best friend.
Even if he had had passing thoughts about what his feelings had been back then and wanted to break up with his girlfriend after his best friend was single again, he was in deep with his girlfriend and couldn't bring himself to hurt her that way. She had thrown the big 'L word' at him three months in and he felt obligated to return that affection. Even though he couldn't quite bring himself to say those words back to her yet, guilty knowing that he wouldn't mean them the same way, he still pushed on, convincing himself that eventually, those words would fall effortlessly from his tongue and that he could love her back.
And, to some extent, San supposed he did love her back eventually. Enough to move in with her, meet her family and sit by while she fantasised about a future with him he couldn't quite see himself in. Enough to adopt a cat together. A cat he wasn't sure he'd be able to keep now. He scoffed, of all things to truly worry about right now Byeol should be last.
In the present, his best friend frowned at the way he scoffed suddenly and the humourless laugh that came from him, "What?"
He laughed again with a little shake of his head, "Just thinking about whether I get to keep Byeol."
She sighed at the mention of the Siamese, "I don't know but I hope so. But maybe just give Yunji some time to breathe before you meet up with her to ask."
She looked out at the dark ocean and popped open a can of beer and took a sip. He polished off his first beer, debating on whether or not to open a second one. He decided against it for now, instead grabbing another handful of chips.
"May I ask what happened?" She looked at him again and asked gently.
He sighed.
"You know you can tell me anything, right, Sannie? We've been friends since we were four, I wouldn't judge you for anything," She murmured, rubbing his shoulder.
How many of those years had he been in love with her? he wondered. The more he thought about this, the more he realised Yunji had been one hundred percent correct.
"I know."
He didn't say anything after though, just chewed quietly and stared out at the ocean.
Her frown deepened in concern. He was clearly upset but she was struggling to get a read on him. That had never happened before. She liked to believe that she knew San like the back of her hand after all these years.
She took another small, contemplative sip of her beer and stared at him, her mind spinning as she tried to understand what he was feeling.
They sat in silence that bordered on uncomfortable, which was new for them, and after a while San suddenly stirred from his thoughts, cracked open another lukewarm beer and downed it.
She stared at him in shock, "San?"
He tried to grasp at any false confidence the alcohol in his system could bring him as he pulled his best friend in and pressed his lips to hers. She froze, her beer falling to the ground and seeping into the sand and her heart jumped. San was kissing her? San was kissing her.
She reached out and grabbed his shirt collar and moved her lips against his on instinct and he sighed against her mouth before cradling the back of her head in his hand and urging her into a deeper kiss, his tongue swiping at her bottom lip and she easily parted her lips for him but then the taste of beer hit her tongue and she remembered that he'd been drinking even before she met up with him.
She shoved him away and looked at him, confused, flustered and…hurt. He had to be drunk to kiss her?
She felt her throat tighten, "You shouldn't have done that."
San's eyes hardened at her words but his heart dropped at the rejection.
"And why the fuck not?"
She was taken aback by the sharp tone of his voice and the confusion of emotions swirling in his eyes.
Tears welled up in her eyes, "Because you're drunk. Because you're drunk and you're lonely and you miss her but I'm not her, San!"
"This isn't about her!"
"Then who is it about?" She was so confused.
"You! It's about you! She broke up with me because of you!" He choked out and she was surprised to see his eyes glisten with unshed tears but his words were like arrows in her heart.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"She called me out on a lot of shit. Mostly about how I can't stop thinking about you! Or talking about you… About how-" He gulped and fear rose up inside of him, he was losing his best friend wasn't he?
"About how I'm probably in love with you," He whispered.
Really shitty wording but he didn't want to scare her off completely. His words, however, had the opposite effect than he intended.
Her gaze steeled and her jaw tensed, "Probably? You're willing to fuck around with me on the off chance that you might be in love with me?"
This wasn't going to plan. Had there ever been a plan? He couldn't even remember anymore.
"I…Maybe? I don't know, okay!"
"You don't know?" A tear rolled down her cheek and she reached up to wipe it away aggressively.
"I mean that I-"
She shook her head and stood up, "San, I came here to comfort someone that means the world to me. Someone I'd do anything for, not to have that thrown in my face and get messed around with because you're confused about whatever you're going through."
He stood up too and reached for her, "That's not what I meant, I meant that-"
She cut him off with another sad shake of her head and took a step away from him, dodging his arms, just as Yunji had done. The action broke his heart and his arms fell back dejectedly to his sides.
He wasn't even angry anymore, he was wrecked. Heartbroken.
"Please, don't leave me too, " He pleaded so desperately and quietly she could almost not hear him over the crash of the waves meeting the shore.
Her heart shattered at the sight of his face cracking and tears falling from his eyes. Tears trailed helplessly down her cheeks in response.
"I'm sorry." She turned to leave.
San grabbed her wrist, "Please. Please, don't do this. I need you!" He sobbed and she pulled her hand free and turned away from him before she could crumble and pull him into her arms.
"Don't talk to me or come to see me until you've figured out what you want." She tried to keep her voice steady through her tears, fighting not to look back as she left him swiftly, disappearing into the darkness as she made her way back to her car.
San slumped onto the sand in defeat and a sob tore through him. He had fucked up big time.
***
San had tried contacting her but his messages stopped going through and he realised with an aching heart that she'd blocked him. And on every platform. Their mutual friend, Mingi, had taken her side and wouldn't even speak to San anymore let alone let him know how she was. He was livid with San.
"Did you not bother to stop and think about how she feels about you?!" Mingi had yelled at him when San had called him the first time.
"How she feels about me?" San had parroted back dumbly and Mingi had let a sound out that sounded more like a growl than an exasperated sigh.
"You're an inconsiderate, selfish prick, Choi San." Had been the last thing he heard from Mingi before he, too, blocked him on every social media platform.
The only remotely close connection that San had left to her was through Mingi's boyfriend who happened to be another one of San's close friends. Despite Mingi refusing to speak to San, his boyfriend had chosen to stay neutral on the affair and still talk to and hang out with him but he too still refused to let San know anything, firm in his conviction to not get involved.
***
"San, you can't keep going on like this," Yeosang had said from across the dinner table one night, watching San poke listlessly at the kimchi-jjigae that Wooyoung had served for dinner. He had no appetite these days.
" 'Going on'?" Wooyoung had piped up from his seat next to Yeosang," He's barely going to work, 'going on' is not a term I'd use."
Yeosang kicked Wooyoung under the table before turning back to San, "San-ah, I know that you're heartbroken and struggling but I hate to remind you that in the bigger picture, you're the one that messed up, not her."
San looked up from his food and over at Yeosang.
"He's right," Wooyoung agreed, looking over at San, "You need to either fix this or work on moving on."
"I'm aware," San replied, trying not to snap at his friends. He was staying with them indefinitely and free of charge; he had no right to get upset with them.
Wooyoung sighed deeply, putting his spoon down on the table with a little clink, "San, at least get out of the house a little."
"But I-"
"Work doesn't count." Yeosang interrupted him and San looked down at his food with a slight pout.
"I know you probably don't feel like dealing with large crowds of people but Yunho is throwing a party this weekend. You should come, it might be good for you to have some fun."
San considered Wooyoung's offer. He did need to get out of the house, that much was true, and losing himself in music and alcohol for a while, although not super healthy, was pretty tempting.
"I'll think about it," San responded, standing up and taking his dishes to the kitchen. He wasn't hungry anymore.
Wooyoung and Yeosang watched him go and shared a meaningful look. Wooyoung tilted his head and Yeosang shrugged. They had a slight plan slash intervention in mind but had no idea whether it would work or not and the possibility of San rejecting their offer didn't help.
***
Much to Wooyoung and Yeosang's relief, San did eventually end up accepting their offer.
San had been swayed by them surprisingly agreeing without much fuss to take him home if he were to feel even the slightest overwhelmed by the crowd. With that information in mind, he had cleaned himself up nicely, dressed well and hopped in their car when the time finally arrived.
San was feeling pretty good about this, having amped himself up for the little break this would provide him from his mess of a life but that good feeling faded away when Yunho greeted them at the door. He noticed that the tall man was wearing one of Mingi's favourite large band t-shirts, styled to fit his look. San internally cursed at himself; how could he forget a detail as simple as the fact that wherever Yunho was, Mingi was too? And with his luck, wherever Mingi was, San's best friend (Was she even that still?) was too.
Yunho however greeted them with a smile, even offering San a "Nice to see you, San-ah."
When Yunho let them in, San sighed in relief when he didn't see Mingi anywhere. He didn't need that argument or cold shoulder raining on his parade tonight. San instantly made his way through the home to the makeshift bar on the kitchen island and was surprised to see his friend Hongjoong there. The elder gave him a smile and San returned it easily,
"Hyung! I didn't know you were back already!"
Hongjoong had been travelling in the US, doing a tour to promote his new mixtape. San had always thought it was so cool to be able to say he had a celebrity as a friend.
"Yeah, landed here last week," Hongjoong replied, offering San a beer.
San took it from him with a thankful smile, "How did it go?"
Hongjoong grinned, "Pretty good. Sold out two venues. They weren't massive but it still felt good to hit that milestone."
"Wow, that's amazing, hyung!"
"Thank you," Hongjoong took a sip of his drink, "And how have you been?"
"I've…" San scratched the back of his neck and averted his gaze for a second, "I've been alright I suppose. Won another Taekwondo competition last month. I'm going to nationals."
"Oh, really? That's amazing! Does your dad still run that training centre?" Hongjoong asked, leaning against the kitchen counter.
San nodded, opened his beer and took a sip, "Yup. He's been trying to talk me into taking over when he retires but I'm not really sure. For now, I just coach kids occasionally."
"That's still pretty awesome. And how's your bestie? Doing good as well?"
San's heart dropped at the mention of her and it must've shown on his face because Hongjoong frowned.
Before Hongjoong could inquire further they were interrupted by a familiar pink-haired man, "Hongjoong-ah, I need you to come help me with Jongho. The kid has started challenging guests to arm wrestling matches and Yunho had to hide all the fruit already."
"How is he that drunk already?" Hongjoong laughed.
Seonghwa shrugged, "No clue. I think Mingi tipped another bottle of vodka into the fruit punch."
Hongjoong let loose an exasperated sigh before bidding San farewell with a promise to catch up later and following Seonghwa off to wherever the youngest member of their friend group was wreaking havoc.
San watched them go before staring down at his beer, listening to the chatter of people and pounding of music from further into the house and sighed. This wasn't going to plan. He put his unfinished beer down on the counter top- the taste was starting to remind him of that night. He wandered into the pandemonium of the party again to search for either Wooyoung or Yeosang to let them know he'd just get an Uber home but he froze in his tracks when he entered the living room.
There, on a couch in the corner, sat his best friend with some guy's arm wrapped around her. She was laughing at something he said and jealousy began to simmer up inside of him as he watched them. He was stuck on just turning around and walking out and never coming back or-
The man placed his hand on her thigh, fingers pushing up slightly beneath her skirt.
San lost it.
She said to never come to her again unless he knew what he wanted but it was clear now more than ever that he wanted her and her only.
He pushed past people, on a steadfast path to her, filled with both jealousy and determination.
Her eyes widened when she saw him, "San?"
He glanced at her briefly before staring down at the man gripping her thigh, "Do you mind taking your hands off her?" It might have been posed as one but it was definitely not a question. It was a demand.
"Excuse me?" The guy glared up at San, raising an eyebrow.
"You heard me," San growled.
"San, what are you doing?" She hissed and the man looked like wanted to challenge San but he noticed the strange tension between the girl and San and must have decided it wasn't worth it.
"Fine, whatever, man." He pushed past San with a scowl. San watched him leave with a glare before turning to his best friend.
"Why would you let him touch you like that?"
She glared up at him, a challenge in her gaze, "I can let him touch me however I want, San. I can be touched by and fucked by whoever I want. I don't need anyone's permission, especially not yours."
San's heart hurt a little at that last comment but his brain latched onto the words "fucked by whoever I want." He did not like that imagery at all. Did not like the idea of another man touching her or her screaming anyone's name but his own.
"No."
She stood up and stepped closer to him, poking a finger to his chest, "You don't own me. Not when you don't even know what you want."
He grabbed her hand from his chest and held it, "You. I want you."
"No, you don't." She tried to pull her hand back but he held it firmly,
"Yes, I do. I just have a piss poor way of showing it apparently."
She looked annoyed but stayed quiet, giving him the mercy of at least hearing him out.
"Yunji broke up with me because I'm completely in love with you," He blurted; it was now or never.
Her eyes widened.
He fixed her with what he hoped was a sincere gaze, "Somehow I myself never realised it and once I did and all those feelings came forth…I was confused and scared and didn't know what to do."
Her gaze softened at his honest words, "Sannie…"
"I'm sorry that I did that, that I hurt you."
She shook her head and intertwined her fingers with his, "It's okay."
He shook his head, "No, it's not."
She reached a hand up to cup his cheek, a sparkle in her eyes, "Then make it up to me."
His heart jumped and he instantly held her by the waist and leaned in to kiss her, his lips gentler than that last, rushed, drunken kiss. She was quick to reciprocate, wrapping her arms around his neck and tilting her head to deepen the kiss.
She pulled away for a second, "You know…It's kinda hot when you get jealous like that."
"Really?" He caught something in the corner of his eye and his gaze darkened a little, "Well, you're in luck. It's gonna happen again because that asshole is still looking at you."
"Oh, really?" She leaned in and put her lips to his ear, "You think he's still thinking about touching me?"
His grip on her waist tightened and she smirked slightly, "Do you think he was planning on taking me home?"
San's hands moved up to hold her around the ribs, his mouth finding her neck and biting lightly, not even concerned about the fact that they were in public and there was someone watching them. Let them look.
"Do you think he was planning on bending me over and fucking me senseless?" She continued to tease and finally, San snapped, pulling away from her and grabbing her wrist. He tugged her through the crowd and up the stairs near the entryway- those same stairs she'd once fallen down- mind set on that guestroom he knew Yunho had upstairs.
She was more than happy to follow him.
She laughed lightly when he pinned her against the door the second it was closed behind them, "Yunho is going to kill us."
"Don't care." San retorted, burying his face in her neck.
She giggled at his response but her giggles became a gasp as San started pressing kisses to her neck. A hand shot up, fingers weaving through his dark hair as he sucked lightly at the skin.
"Sannie,"
San had never heard her say his name like that before. Never heard her say his name like she needed him, never heard her say his name so breathlessly, never in that tone. His name had never sounded better than it did right now.
He bit her neck lightly, "Say my name again,"
She wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him close against her, "Sannie."
San groaned and brought his mouth back to hers in a hot kiss. It was messy; he kissed her like he was trying to devour her, tongue licking into her mouth and teeth nibbling at her lips, but she didn't mind.
His hands gripped her hips, pulling them against his and she gasped as their bodies made contact; he was so hard.
She wrapped a leg around one of his and a hand reached for his ass, grinding him into her. She was suddenly aware of the dampness in her panties and it only grew as San made a little noise and grinded up against her again. Her hand left his ass, sliding up under his shirt to hold him by the small of his back instead. She met his small thrusts with her own, thankful for the friction and the slight relief it brought to the growing tension in her belly.
She leaned her head back against the door as San's mouth found her neck again. She let loose a breathless chuckle, "God, we're behaving like teenagers."
San sucked a mark into her skin, "Would you rather I fuck you right against this door?"
A jolt of electricity passed through her, "Yes, actually."
He'd been partially joking. He had been planning to at least try and get her to the bed but now… Now he wanted more than anything to just be inside of her already. To hear her moan his name.
His dick throbbed at the imagery.
"Fuck, okay."
He took a step back from her and admired her for a brief moment. The top she was wearing that had ridden up over her tummy a little and that skirt. God, he loved that skirt.
"I wish I had more time," He lamented.
She reached impatiently for his belt buckle, "We have all the time in the world. Later. Right now I'd rather have you inside of me as soon as possible."
He helped her undo his belt and pants and she bit her lip, heat pooling in her belly as she finally laid eyes on his hard length.
He reached forward, hands sliding up her thighs and her skirt until his fingers hooked the waistband of her panties.
"Can I?" He questioned, tugging slightly on the fabric. She nodded fervently and he slowly started sliding them down.
She wiggled her hips impatiently, "Choi San, I swear to god. Stop teasing me."
He gave her a devilish grin, "But it's so fun."
"What'll be so fun is me leaving you with blue balls," She said sweetly.
"Fine, jesus." He tugged her panties down and lifted her skirt, "Here, hold this."
"Bossy." She quipped but she did as she was asked and was rewarded by San finally touching her. He ran his fingers over her and groaned, "You're so wet."
"Less talking, more touching."
He raised an eyebrow, "And I'm the bossy one?"
"San, please could you just-"
He kissed her to get her to shut up. He put more pressure on his fingers and dragged them up through her folds, searching until-
She gasped against his lips.
There.
He circled his fingers over that sensitive spot and she whined and pressed herself down against his hand. She pushed her fingers into his hair and tilted her head, kissing him deeper. He slid a finger into her and she whined into his mouth as he started moving it, pressing another one in alongside it after a while. He curled his fingers and she let out a choked sound as he started pushing against her g-spot with every thrust of his fingers. How was he this good at this? Fuck.
His mouth left hers, pressing warm kisses into her jaw, the underside of her jaw, her neck– anywhere he could reach- and all she could do was cling to him, her knees weakening as each thrust of his fingers drove her closer to climax.
"Sannie, please."
She wasn't even sure what she was begging for but San doubled his efforts at her plea and soon enough she was meeting his thrusts with little moans.
"San, I'm-"
He brought his mouth up to the shell of her ear, "Come on, be a good girl and cum for me."
Never in a million years would she have thought she'd finally hear those words, the ones she'd only ever heard in her fantasies, fall from his mouth. She fell over the edge with a cry of his name.
San worked her through her orgasm, holding her up as her body quivered and he kissed her neck as she slowly came down from her high.
Her eyes fluttered open and seeing the look on San's face, the desire in his eyes, had that fire in her reigniting almost instantly.
"Sannie,"
His breath caught in his throat as she reached for him. She wrapped her fingers around his dick with no hesitation and swiped her thumb over the sensitive tip- smearing the precum collecting there over the skin.
"I need you inside me, please," She breathed and he cursed under his breath, replacing her hand with his own and giving himself a few self indulgent strokes. He gripped her hips and urged her up, letting her wrap her legs around his waist. He held her with one strong arm, guiding himself to her entrance with the other hand before using both arms to hold her up and against the door. They both let out shaky sighs of relief once he was finally fully seated inside of her.
She grinded herself down on his dick and he whined, gripping her hips tightly.
"Move, Sannie, please."
He didn't need further instruction.
He started slowly, giving her time to adjust but it wasn't long before she was circling her hips impatiently.
"I'm ready, please just fuck me already," She whined and San smiled briefly to himself. Her bratty behaviour just reminded him that this was his best friend, a person he'd loved for so long and probably will love for even longer.
He obliged, picking up the pace and she wrapped her arms tightly around him, unable to stop pleased sounds from leaving her mouth. This was even better than she could ever have fantasised.
"You feel even better than I imagined," She moaned.
"You've imagined me fucking you?"
"All the time."
"Oh, fuck," San groaned and suddenly he was pounding into her, holding her steady and burying his face in her neck.
The sounds they were making were obscene, downright filthy, but neither of them could bring themselves to care, too focused on the overwhelming pleasure they were experiencing.
"I'm so close," San whined into her neck and she tugged at his hair,
"Me too,"
"Where do you want me?" San asked, his voice strained.
"Inside."
One word and San was cumming harder than he had in a long time, filling her up so nicely that she fell over the edge, screaming his name, soon after him.
San helplessly thrusted into her a few more times, the feeling over her clenching down on him so deliciously driving him crazy but even he was shaky after that orgasm.
He stopped his movements after the last quiver made its way through her body and she slumped in his arms. He pressed a breathless kiss to her temple and carefully pulled out and she was too fuzzy to even wince at the feeling of their mess between her legs.
"I'm gonna let you down, okay?"
She gave a half-hearted whine of complaint as he did so. She was still shaky so he held her against him the minute her knees wobbled when her feet hit the floor.
"I've got you," He murmured, pressing another kiss to her hair as she clung to him.
After a little life crept back into her boneless body she was finally aware of the slick mess between her legs.
"San,"
He nodded, somehow knowing exactly what she wanted. He chalked it up to twenty years of friendship.
He leaned her against the wall, "I'll be back now."
She hummed and leaned back against the wall. She watched him pull his pants up haphazardly and leave the room. She could almost not believe what had just happened. Somebody pinch her.
San returned after a while, tissues in hand.
"Did anyone see? I've just realised we were kind of loud."
"Just Jongho asleep in the tub," San said matter of factly, as if it was normal, as he started carefully wiping her thighs.
"Jongho is asleep in the tub?" She repeated back, fixing his hair as he worked on wiping them both down as best he could.
"Yeah. Mingi double spiked the punch earlier- poor kid got drunk out of his mind."
She snorted, pulling up her panties once he was done with her and straightened her clothes, "Sounds about right."
San hummed in response as he made quick work of cleaning himself up too. She pressed a kiss to his temple as she helped him buckle up again.
"Thank you, by the way," She murmured and he gave her a soft look, brushing her hair from her face, "For?"
"Well, for this firstly," She cupped his face, "But also for coming to your senses I guess."
He kissed her gently, "I'm sorry it took so long."
She shook her head and pulled him close, "It's alright. I'm just glad it happened. Being secretly in love with your best friend for years is torture and I'm just happy it's over now."
He pulled her in for a hug and she buried her face in his neck. He cupped the back of her head and leaned his head against hers, "You're mine now, right? You're not leaving?"
She nodded and pressed a soft kiss to his neck, "Yours."
He grinned and pulled her face from his neck and gave her another kiss. And another. And another, until she was giggling and melting in his arms.
He gave her one last kiss, "We should go before someone realises we're missing."
***
They re-entered the living room and the first person they saw just so happened to be the man from earlier. His eyes snapped to them and San wrapped his arm around her waist when he noticed. He didn't need to worry for long; the man eyed the way he was holding her, then saw the hickies on her neck. He scowled before shoving straight past them and San laughed as he heard the front door slam.
"Sore loser."
That man wasn't the only who noticed them though. Mingi seemed to have some sort of sixth sense because his eyes found them easily, almost as soon as they entered the room. His eyes clocked San's possessive hold of her and then the marks on her neck and his gaze darkened. San's eyes widened as he saw the six foot man suddenly move in their direction.
Yunho, who had been standing next to Mingi, looked up from where he was frowning and staring into the cup of mystery liquid Mingi had handed him a minute ago when he felt the man leave his side. Yunho's eyes widened just as San's had when he saw Mingi striding in their direction. He lurched forward to grab Mingi's arm, his drink sloshing out over his other hand at the movement. He grimaced.
"Min, what are you doing?" He held Mingi's arm firmly and Mingi pointed to San and Y/n.
"Look!"
Yunho glanced over to where he was pointing, to San and Y/n, suddenly seeming right as rain. He frowned.
Despite the intimidating look on Mingi's face, San approached him, Y/n in tow.
"Hey, Mingi," San greeted with what he hoped came off as a reassuring smile. Reassuring him that everything was okay.
Mingi ignored him, looking over at the woman beside him instead, his gaze softening into concern, "Are you alright?"
She smiled and nodded, wrapping an arm around San's waist. Mingi's eyes followed the movement. He wasn't glaring anymore, just curious and wanting answers now that he saw she was fine.
"I'm good, Min. We're both good." She assured him.
Yunho stepped forward, throwing an arm around Mingi's broad shoulders and gave them a smile, "Did you guys make up?"
"I'd say they did more than make up," Mingi grumbled and Yunho chuckled and ruffled his hair affectionately.
Yunho's chuckle suddenly faded and he squinted at their dishevelled appearances before he fixed them with a narrow-eyed glare.
"Did you just fuck in my house?"
San averted his gaze.
"Choi San! Please tell me it wasn't in my room," Yunho whined.
"It was your guest room and it wasn't on the bed," Y/n offered and Yunho groaned.
"As if that makes it any better- I am going to kill the both of you!"
For a second he really did look like he would and Mingi's eyes widened.
He hooked an arm around one of Yunho's. Yunho leaned against him, "Mingi, I think I'm headed toward an early grave."
Mingi rolled his eyes, "Drama queen. And you're not dying until you've tried that drink."
Yunho eyed the cup in his hand wearily, "I'm okay."
"Come on, I thought you loved me."
"Love has nothing to do with this."
San and Y/n watched their banter with amused grins before looking at each other. San nodded his head in the direction of the door. She nodded and grabbed his hand and they made their escape.
"Wait, what about Woo and Yeo, I said I'd-" San realised as she pulled the front door open.
"Fuck 'em. I said we had all the time in the world later. It's later."
That was all encouragement San needed before he was booking it to her car, towing a laughing Y/n behind him.
#kpop#ateez#kpop fanfic#y/n#kpop smut#smut#ateez fluff#ateez smut#ateez choi san#choi san#choi san smut#ateez yunho#ateez mingi#ateez yeosang#ateez wooyoung#ateez hongjoong#ateez seonghwa#ateez jongho#answered ask#answered requests
151 notes
·
View notes
Text
Collage by @stardust-chords-enthusiast
Pairing: Sam Kiszka x fem!reader
Word Count: 11.1k
Summary: You've grown up with Sam Kiszka as a best friend. As the two of you get older, you realize your feelings may be morphing into something more. What will happen when Sam finally invites you to the annual Kiszka lake trip where a string of crimes have taken place?
Warnings: mentions of marijuana, alcohol consumption, swearing, body image issues, talk of death
A/N: I just want to thank @gretavanfran for encouraging me to run with this idea and offering to help me write. We've never written something like this before so we're a little nervous to post this lol but feedback is appreciated and let us know if you want a part two!! We have so many more ideas for where this can go and would love to share with you guys
_
“Let’s go!” Sam calls from the front door of your house. The patience in his voice is wearing thin and it makes you zip your bag faster, accidentally pinching the skin of your forefinger. It’s time for the annual lake trip the Kiszka family takes at the beginning of summer. Sam usually opted to take his other best friend Danny, leaving no room for you, but this year there was an extra space. You’ve known Sam since seventh grade, the both of you meeting on the junior debate team. He was the only student who actually challenged you and he liked your passion, so you two quickly became inseparable.
Heaving your duffle up, you rush to the door. “Sorry,” you breathe. “Just had to make sure I didn’t forget anything.”.
“Yeah, yeah, just give me the bag so we can get going.” Reaching for the bag on your shoulder, Sam lets out a breathy chuckle.
“Wait, Sam, I ha-,” you were quickly interrupted by the long haired man.
“I already checked the back door, walked through the house and unplugged everything. Bug, everything’s going to be okay. Learn how to relax a little, alright?”
“I’m always relaxed,” you mumble in a grumpy tone.
“Oh really? When’s the last time you genuinely had fun without having to worry about anything?” He got you there, you were always anxious - anxiety was practically your name and overthinking was your game. You couldn’t help but think about if everything was going to plan, constantly worrying about safety. Except for when you're with a certain golden retriever boy. Sammy. He was fearless and lived life without a care in the world, that’s why you believed that you two quickly became friends. Opposites attract after all - he made the overthinking disappear in you and you made him pay more attention to the things that surrounded him.
After tossing the bag into the back seat of his beat up Jeep Cherokee where his own luggage rests, he clambers into the driver’s spot. “My mom’s gonna be so mad if we’re super late. She only agreed to let me drive as long as I was semi on time.”
“Well, maybe you should’ve let me drive,” you tease. The entire Kiszka family had a bad habit of being late, something that irked you to your core. Turning your head to look at the man in the driver seat, you watch in amusement as he lets out a scoff, throwing the car in reverse. He places an arm on your seat and checks for traffic both ways before entering the road.
“What, so we could be there four hours early? Leave at six am? No thanks, I’d rather sleep.”
“You know, backing into a main street is illegal right?” Now turning to face you, Sam dramatically rolls his eyes and flashes you that beaming smile of his.
“Bug, I want you to relax on this vacation. Mommy and Daddy won't be there to make sure you dot your I’s and cross your T’s.”
As much as you hated to admit it- Sam was right. It’s been forever since you’ve actually relaxed. On top of your chronic over thinking - your parents watched you like a hawk. They always told you the strictness was because they wanted you to get into a top of the line college. Ever since you got the acceptance letter from the University of Michigan, you were expecting them to ease up. Wrong - if anything they tightened the reins more. Even though you were eighteen and freshly graduated high school, you had to practically get on your hands and knees begging them to allow you to accompany Sam all while reassuring them a million times that Sam’s parents were going to be there.
“I am relaxed. Let’s get going. You know we'll never hear the end of us being late from Jake,” you breathe out, crossing your arms across your chest. As if his smile couldn’t get any bigger, it was practically ear to ear as he watched you slowly come to the realization he was right.
“Aye aye, Captain. No more funny business. Wouldn’t want to keep Jacob waiting,” he replies to you in a teasing tone, while throwing the car into drive.
A warm breeze pours through the windows as the journey starts. It rustles the haphazardly placed locks on Sam’s head, a messy bun being his go to for the summer, and it somehow manages to make him look softer. Your eyes trail down to his plump lips, only landing there briefly before moving onto his outfit. He dons a denim button up that only has the bottom few buttons done, a pretty tiger’s eye pendant resting on the exposed skin of his chest, a pair of the tiniest khaki shorts you’ve ever seen, and of course his trusty Birkenstocks. While his outfit was casual, it still made you feel a little frumpy. You just wore a pair of black biker shorts and a tie-dye shirt, two sizes too big, with some black Tevas.
“So why couldn’t Danny go this year? Not that I’m complaining, I’m really happy to be invited.”
His brown eyes glance over to you for a moment, lips forming into a small frown. “His family planned their own vacation. It’s kind of ass that I’ve never invited you before, huh? I’m sorry that I’m an idiot.”
You wave him off, trying to play it like you never felt an ache in your chest when you watched the family drive off every year. “I get it, it’s a boys thing. No biggie.”
He still looks guilty despite your casual reassurance, but doesn’t press any further. Sam really did feel bad that he never invited you before. He wasn’t sure if you would like hanging out with him and his family for a week straight, emphasis on his brothers. His older twin siblings could be a lot sometimes. Josh was a little over-friendly and Jake could be too cold. Inviting anyone on vacation was asking for trouble - especially a girl and most definitely if that girl was you. The twins have known you for just as long as their little brother had. But Sam knew that they wouldn’t let up on the teasing - it would be relentless.
Unbeknownst to you, they would wait until you left the room or have your back turned and would always make kissy faces at the younger boy - mocking him about how in love he was with you and how you were his ‘little secret girlfriend’. Sam could take the teasing one day at a time, but he felt like a whole week’s worth of teasing would be too much for him to handle. So, he always opted to bring Danny. Plus, he wanted you all to himself, but no one had to know that.
“Hey, you know what I brought?” He grins a little too widely. “Check my backpack. The small pocket in the front.”
You reach into the back, very obvious suspicion settling across your face. Pulling his beat up tie-dye bag into the front with care was not an easy feat. It was stuffed full and piled under a bunch of other luggage. With just a bit of grumbling, you dig into that small pocket and pull out a baggie filled with joints.
“Sam!” you hiss. “Did you forget your parents are going to be with us?”
He reaches over and gives your arm a gentle shove. “See? This is what I was talking about earlier. You never have fun without worrying about everything.”
“I’m sorry,” you sigh and put the baggie back. “You’re totally right. I don’t know why I got weird about it.”
Your face flushes and you feel embarrassed. He was right. Why couldn’t you let loose and just enjoy this time being close with Sam? Don’t ruin this for yourself.
“Hey,” he says softly, that same frown from earlier returning.
“No, it’s okay. You are right. It’s not often I’ll admit that, so take it while you can,” you grin.
The few hour drive is peaceful, filled with laughter and good music. Sam never fails to keep you entertained. That was another checkmark on the long list of things you adore about him. You weren’t sure how Sam didn’t realize you were falling for him. You didn’t try to make it obvious, but you figured he would at least see the little things - the way you’d always make sure to have his favorite snacks around, wake up at absurd hours to make Walmart trips, how you’d do just about anything he asked. Honestly, you’d probably follow this man to the depths of hell if he asked you to.
“Where are we?” you garble, not noticing that you drifted off at some point, finally waking when Sam turns onto a rather bumpy back road.
“About five minutes from the house. Our place is in a pretty secluded spot, not many neighbors.”
The road is covered with rocks and potholes, making it impossible for your bodies to stay still, rocking side to side with each bump and sway of the vehicle. Lush trees fill the spaces on either side of the road and overtake your senses. It’s hard to see through the thick greenness of the vegetation, but it’s beautiful and makes everything feel so serene. Like you weren’t still in your home state of Michigan. The trees began to thin the closer you got to the house, opening to a small clearing with a great view of the sparkling lake. You could see an expanse of sandy beaches spread out at the back of the property with a hole dug out near the house as a makeshift fire pit. There’s a small dock a bit further down with an old rowboat attached to it, gently bobbing in the mild waves.
Sam parks his Cherokee next to the family’s Suburban and shoots you an excited smile. “Ready for the chaos?”
“As I’ll ever be,” you scrunch your nose at him.
The both of you pull yourselves from the car to collect your bags. The thick summer air soothes the goosebumps that formed from the air conditioning that Sam insisted on blasting. He claimed the AC barely worked at the lake house.
“OI!” a voice rings from above you, disrupting the gentle call of some sparrows. Your eyes flick up to see the long haired twin leaning dangerously over the railing of a balcony.
“It’s about time you made it!” Jake spins around and heads back inside before either of you can answer. Your eyes trail from the balcony to take in the rest of the house. It’s a moderately sized cabin-esque looking building with sloping green roofs that match the color of the doors and window frames. The rustic vibe is a little cheesy and slightly outdated, but it’s welcoming.
“Hi, Bug,” Jake grins when he emerges from the front door. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”
You think you can hear Sam grumbling about how that’s his nickname for you, but you ignore it.
“C’mon inside. We saved a room for you two.” Jake takes the bag off your arm and offers a side hug, giving you a gentle squeeze.
You flush at the thought of sharing a room and possibly a bed with Sam - you hadn’t considered that when you agreed to come along. His parents were pretty lenient but you figured you’d be sleeping on one of the couches.
The house offers reprieve from the unforgiving sun. Despite being quite cold only minutes ago, you can feel a bead of sweat trickle down the back of your neck. The inside isn’t as cheesy as you thought it would be. There were picture frames hung up along the walls, displaying memories from previous trips. One of young Sam catches your eye and brings a small smile to your face. He’s submerged in the lake with a bright orange life jacket on that looks like it could strangle him at any moment, smiling widely with little gaps in his teeth.
“We’re here!” Sam calls out and ventures towards the bedrooms.
Just like clockwork, the shorter twin pops his head into the hallway. “This one is your room.”
The three of you meander to the room Josh was currently in, only half wondering why he was in your room anyways.
“Shut up!” Sam gasps and almost drops his bag, trying to think of something else to say but his mouth just hangs open. Out of the corner of your eyes you could see the twins beaming - not wanting to be left out, you poke your head into the room and see a lanky, curly haired man lounging across the queen sized mattress.
“Hey, guys,” Danny says with a shit eating grin. “Heard you might have extra room.”
Finally over the shock of seeing his best friend, Sam turns to his brothers with confusion written all over his face.
“Mom and Dad didn’t come this year. They figured since we’re ‘all grown up’ that we’d want a week here alone. We coordinated the Danny part just because it was fun,” Jake speaks nonchalantly.
Sam simply can’t contain his excitement any longer and bounces on his best friend, rambling on about how much fun they’re going to have.
“That was sweet of you guys,” you murmur to Jake, watching as his face twinges pink. He simply shrugs and sets your bags near the dresser. Once the enthusiasm calms a bit, the other three clear out of the room to let you and Sam unpack. Your eyes travel over to the queen sized bed over and over, worry settling deep into your chest.
You clear your throat. “I can take the couch if you want. Or I could see if maybe Danny wanted to switch rooms.”
Sam doesn’t even look up from putting his shirts into a drawer as he chuckles a bit. “Why would you do that?”
Your face scrunches in embarrassment. You’re not sure why you’re embarrassed about this discussion. It’s just Sam. Just your best friend who you are hopelessly falling for and now have to share a bed with. Not a big deal at all.
“Just wanted to give you options, that’s all,” you say a little too defensively, praying that he couldn’t see the pink blush starting to cover your face.
“I think you’re trying to get away from me. I can’t stop you from taking the couch, but I promise I really don’t mind if you sleep with me. In fact, I think I’d like it if you joined me.” Sam flashes you a smile as he finishes unpacking. With that he walks out of the room, leaving you to internally panic about what his words could possibly imply. Was he just flirting with you? Or perhaps it was just your feelings muddying his statement.
Fingers tug on the hem of your shirt, startling you out of your panicked daze. It’s Jake inquiring if you’ll come out to swim with everyone since it’s ‘hot as balls outside.’ Not giving you an option to say no - or to even give him an answer, he makes his way over to the door and slams it shut. Rolling your eyes at the loud noise, you head over to your bags, silently thankful you brought your good bikini. Lifting up your shirt in hopes of changing into the swimwear sooner than later, you found yourself being interrupted by someone clearing their throat. Startled by the intruder, you whip around at a lightning speed to find Sam and Danny casually standing in the doorway.
“Don’t you guys know how to knock?” you huff out at the boys.
“Sorry, we didn’t expect you to be changing already. Sammy boy just needs to grab his trunks,” Danny speaks softly, shooting you an apologetic smile as he makes his way into the room sitting down on the bed. Sam, on the other hand, seemed to be frozen in his spot. Geez, what is up with him today.
“You going to come in or are you going to keep standing there like a creep?” Danny chuckles out at Sam. It worked. You watch Sam as he keeps his eyes on the floor, heading over to the dresser, reaching in one of the drawers and pulling out his favorite pair of red bottoms.
“I…Sorry. C’mon Danny. Let’s go downstairs.” Sam ignores your eye contact and walks over to the long haired curly man sitting on the bed, pulling him by his shirt sleeve over to the door and making sure to close it.
Deciding not to think about the way Sam was acting, you quickly change into the baby blue and white floral print bikini. Standing in front of the mirror, you take a second to study your reflection. This swimsuit was new and if you were being honest with yourself, you were absolutely terrified to bring it at first. After all, this was supposed to be a ‘family trip’ and you didn’t want to have Sam’s parents look at you in an ill mannered light. Why would they? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fact your boobs were practically spilling out of the cups and the bottoms are leaving little to the imagination.
You couldn’t help but to have some insecurities cross your mind when you thought about if Sam would like this specific suit on you. Sure, you’ve been around him countless times in the water, but you always wore a one piece. After graduating high school, you felt yourself trying to be a little more bold in your outfit choices. Not to mention that Sam always likes his girls to be on the skinnier side and you just so happened to be a little bit more curvy. Fuck it, what do you have to lose. You trot down the stairs, slowly building up more and more courage to walk out to the lake where you could see the four boys splashing around through the window.
“Ooh mama! Looking good!” Josh yells as you approach the lake, making the other three boys turn around to take a glance at your form.
Their watchful eyes make you feel bashful, especially after Sam’s weird reaction in the bedroom. You try to fight the urge to cover your body up but it’s slowly winning. Every dip, bump, and stretch mark suddenly feels like a neon sign that reads, ‘Look at me! I’m insecure!’. Feeling defeated, you grab your towel and begin to wrap it around your torso as walk slowly to the beach.
The sun’s rays are vicious. Sweat is already beading at your brow and the tops of your shoulders feel hot. A small breeze ripples through the trees and gently caresses over your heating skin, giving slight relief.
“Put your towel down! Get in!” Danny calls out as he splashes water at an unsuspecting Jake. This earns him a punch to the shoulder and a small grumble.
You hesitate, insecurities still running wildly through your mind. What if they laughed at you? What if Sam was disgusted by your flaws? You knew you wouldn’t be able to handle that.
“Hey, let me see you,” Josh encourages. “I’ve never seen that bathing suit on you before. Is it new? Do a little twirl for me!”
“It’s just a bathing suit,” Sam bites at his older brother. This makes you clutch your towel tighter to your body and cast your eyes to the sand. You knew it. Sam thinks you look hideous.
Watching the boys in front of you - you couldn’t possibly think of actually going into the water and exposing yourself to them. You know that Sam takes after his older brothers when it comes to finding his type in women.
Plopping down into the grass and giggling to yourself, you watch as Josh rolls his eyes and smacks the back of his younger brother’s head.
Trudging through the shallow water in your direction, he lifts his chin as a beckoning gesture. “C’mon, Bug. Get in the water.” Your knuckles were practically white from how hard you were gripping the towel now that Josh was stalking through the sand.
“Josh, I don’t feel like it.”
“I will carry you in there if I have to.”
“You and I both know that’s not a possibility,” you spit out at him, trying not to let your insecurities show. Instead of replying, Josh moves even closer to you and starts looking like he was trying to figure out where to place his hands to hoist you up.
“No. No. No. Stop right there,” you protest.
“Relax. I’m not going to hurt you. Just come into the water.” Josh looks to you with pleading eyes. Fuck those, baby cow eyes get you everytime. Reluctantly nodding your head, you get up - but not without making sure the only thing keeping your sanity was wrapped around you securely.
“You won’t need that in the water,” Josh hums at you as he takes your hand in his, leading you over to the dock.
“I know. I just want to leave it on the dock.” He looks like he doesn’t want to believe you at first, eyeing you suspiciously, but ultimately choosing to drop the issue at hand.
While you’re distracted with Josh, Sam’s eyes are glued to the two of you. What the hell is he doing? Why are his hands on her like that? Sam didn’t care that you were friendly with his brothers. He actually loves that you get along with them, but his fear was steadily coming to fruition. You were his person and his brothers seemed to have no problem robbing you from him just as they did with Daniel.
As he watches you sit on the edge of the dock he hopes and prays you’ll look at him, but only sees your eyes follow Josh’s form into the water. His chest tightens when Josh grabs your legs. “What are you doing?” you panic slightly. The older twin simply gives you his widest smile before pulling you into the depths.
The lake is colder than you expect it to be and it shocks the air from your lungs. It’s a good few seconds before you can let out a screech at Josh. He clutches you tightly to him, not caring that you’re desperately grabbing at the sopping fabric of your security blanket as it drifts away with each of his movements. “See? Not that bad, huh?”
He was right. Being submerged covered you in a way and it felt nice to cool off. “Okay,” you break. “It’s not horrible, but you’re a real dick for pulling me in.”
Sam can’t stand seeing his older brother’s hands on you. They way they hold you so delicately. It feels far too intimate to Sam. There’s this horrible clawing in his stomach that pulls him to the shore and up to a grassy area, listening to your giggles as you splash around. Having fun without him.
Your eyes finally drift over to Sam when you notice him get out. Water droplets cascade over his tan skin like rivulets and his thin frame is stretched out to soak up the sun. He’s completely in his element. You think he looks most beautiful like this. Sam has always loved nature - he begs you to come on mini hikes that turn into impromptu picnics of trail mix and granola bars, long trips to the beach where you spend your day swimming and kayaking, hell, he even loves it if you just come lay in his hammock with him.
“Alright! Me and Danny will be partners, so that leaves you and Josh,” Jake declares. You tear your eyes from your best friend and look to his older brother - that honestly could be his twin - to give him a questioning look. Jake rolls his eyes. “I just said we’re playing chicken.”
The insecurities begin to creep back into your mind and you quickly glance to the sunbather only feet away.
“Stop that,” Josh murmurs. “Climb on my shoulders. I’ll swim under water.” You don’t know how he knows what you’re thinking, but you don’t have too much time to question it before he’s swimming between your legs and hoisting you into the air. The curly one lets out a warm chuckle as he hears the shriek leaving your lips. You think you see Sam start to sit up as he sees his older brother securing his hands around your thighs even more- claiming it had something to do with ‘safety’.
“She’ll need all the safety she can get,” Danny teases. “Jake and I are gonna kick your asses!”
“Are you sure about that? What if we have a plan?” You grip onto Josh’s hair, knowing you don’t have a plan. You just hope it’s something easy to go with. “Like a sneak attack! Get them!”
Josh lurches forward and your hands fly up to push at Jake’s taut shoulders. Surprisingly, his spontaneous plan does work and you manage to knock the opposing team over. Unsurprisingly, this lights a fire inside of Jake. The next half hour is constant games of chicken, switching teams, hitting the water a little too hard, but still no Sam. One final stinging slap against the small waves does you in. You put up your white flag and head to the beach, fingers and toes beyond pruny anyways.
“Decided to come join me?” The brunet sunbather mumbles as he senses your presence - eyes still closed.
“How’d you know it was me?”
“I always know when you're around.”
“Uh-huh. Sure,” you mock him.
“Peter Parker has spidey senses and me? I have y/n senses.” Your best friend sits up, grabbing your hand and giving you a little tug. It seems like he was trying to get you to lay down with him, but you weren’t budging, the insecurities creeping back in. Sure, you’ve laid down next to Sam before, but that was then and this is now. Something about the air in between you two feels different. The only problem was that you weren’t sure if it was good or bad.
You try to pull your hand from his soft grip. “I’m gonna go grab another towel.”
“There’s room on mine,” he replies, wiggling his eyebrows.
“No there’s not.”
Sam wasn’t going to waste another moment. He needed to stake his claim in front of his older brothers, you’re his. Suddenly you feel the air leaving your lungs as you’re pulled downwards. Expecting to hit the ground, instead you are met with a soft groan and the feeling of hot skin.
“See? There’s room.” Opening your eyes from the sudden impact, you’re face to face with a tan chest. Slowly lifting your gaze, you see Sam with his eyes shut, smiling sheepishly at you.
“Sam, I’m on top of you.”
“I know, I like you like this.” Peeking an eye open, Sam was met with the visual of your mouth parted in shock, trying to find the right words to say. He could see the gears turning in your head. You felt the boy beneath you taking a deep sigh before parting his lips.
“Bug…don’t act so shocked.”
“Sam, just let me go please,” you try pleading with the man.
“No, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this….and now seems like the perfect moment.”
Trying to move yourself into a sitting position, you’re met with failure as sunkissed arms wrap around your back tighter, holding your body close to his. You could feel your chest getting tighter as the nerves course through you. He has no idea what kind of effect this is having on you and you really don’t want him to find out.
“Awww look at the love birds.” Of course Jake would have to ruin a moment like this.
“Yeah right,” Danny snorts. You hated to admit it, but that single laugh alone had you ready to cry.
“Shut up guys. You know it’s not like that,” you mumble, pulling yourself out of Sam's embrace. You swear that you see Sam’s eyes glaze over with hurt, but that quickly disappears with him chuckling and smiling.
“I’m hungry,” Jake whines, rubbing his stomach - looking over at his twin slowly making his way over to the group.
“That sounds like a you problem,” Sam grumbles as he sits up. What is up with his attitude today?
“No, it's Bug’s problem.” Jake makes a move towards you to grab your hand and hoist you up, but is stopped by his younger brother swatting his hands away. Josh and Danny let out eerie chuckles trying to ease the awkward tension that was forming.
“How is it my problem?”
“Cause I want one of your grilled cheeses.”
“I told you the re-“
“Zip it.” Jake grabs your arm, pulling you to your feet. “We can’t have Sammy knowing that I’m the only person you trust with the recipe. Think about how jealous he’ll get.”
The two of you start towards the house. “You know he heard that right?” You whisper to Jake as he loops his arm into yours.
“Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing, Bug. Trust me,” Jake winks at you.
You grip his arm tighter and don’t speak until you’re in the safety of the kitchen. You find that Sam was right, the AC doesn’t work very well in this cabin.
“Alright, spit it out,” Jake says, not bothering to look at you while he grabs the ingredients. “I can see it all over your face.”
Other than Sam, you were the closest with Jake. When he was younger he was very quiet and wasn’t in your face like Josh was and you found comfort in that. He made you feel comfortable. That meant you could tell him the things you couldn’t tell Sam. As your feelings for Sam grew, Jake could see past your little unbothered facade. He’s been there through every up and down.
“I don’t know,” you groan and plop into a chair. “He’s just being so weird. One minute he’s normal and happy, then the next he’s moody and avoiding everyone. And don’t think I didn’t notice that you purposefully put Sam and I in the room with one bed. You’re setting me up.”
He laughs and flits about the kitchen preparing the meal for everyone. “I thought you’d appreciate that. You could always share with me.”
Flipping him the bird didn’t feel like it would be enough, so you throw a random pair of socks that you see balled up on the floor at his head. He ducks and lets a belly laugh fill the room. “Come on, y/n. It won’t be that bad. I really was just trying to help you out. How about this,” he sets an old, worn spatula on the counter and approaches you. “I’ll help you this week. We’ll get Sam to notice you the way you want him to.”
You eye his outstretched hand. This could potentially end your friendship with Sam if it goes badly, but you decide you couldn’t pretend much longer. So you grasp Jake’s calloused hand, putting all of your trust into this shake. “Deal.”
———————-
After some much needed food and a couple of beers, the boys decide that it would be a good time for them to go down to the pier and do some fishing. You opt to read the book that’s been sitting in your bag forever, figuring you could sit on the front porch so you have a perfect view of the boys on the dock. ‘Life can’t get better than this,’ you think and let out a big sigh. The buttery beams of the sun wash over you, bringing the feeling of sleepiness that you knew oh so well. Hours must’ve passed, you found yourself waking up to the feeling of someone trying to pry the book out of your hands.
“A Court of Roses and Thorns? I didn’t know you read fantasy,” Sam smiles in small victory when he peels the book away from you, closing it and moving it to the table beside the chair.
“I know, I usually read nonfiction but I’m trying something new. Don’t hate,” you mumble to him as you slowly stand up from the chair, stretching out your back in the process.
“Hate on you? I could never,” Sam whispers. It was almost as if he was terrified of you hearing the little confession that left his parted lips.
“How long have I been out?”
“Well, considering it’s dark now, I’m gonna say about a few hours.” You look the boy over and see that he put his hair back into a low bun. You were always a sucker for that hairstyle. You take advantage of Sam being quiet and study his face some more. He looks good. It was only day one of this vacation and the sun gave him a kissable tan. You weren’t sure how you’d be able to survive the rest of the six.
“So...what do you think about a movie night?” Sam suggests, throwing you a side smirk when he notices that you were checking him out. You silently thank god that it’s dark out, you didn’t want Sam to see how flushed your cheeks are.
“With your brothers?”
“No. Just you and me. Jake said he wants to have a bonfire,” he points towards the direction of the small pit that sits in the middle of some thoughtfully placed chairs.
“I mean, sure. Yeah, we can do that.”
A loud voice nearly has you jumping out of your skin. “Nope. Nada. Not happening. You have to be joking with us. I don’t want to be an uncle yet,” Jake bursts through the door of the cabin, protesting the movie night idea. Casting a glance over to Sam you see him rolling his eyes. You could tell he was starting to get fed up with his brothers interrupting everything.
“Jake, c’mon. It’s gonna be so comfy inside. Can’t I join you guys tomorrow?” You ask the man, with a little bit of confusion lacing your voice. He was supposed to be helping push you and Sam together, not keep you two separated. He gives you a look that lets you know you won’t be winning that battle, so you let the older man drag you over to the pit where the other two boys were standing. Looking over your shoulder, you could see Sam trudging behind you, obviously not wanting to participate tonight. Maybe he was hoping just to have alone time with you.
“Bug, we’ll make you a weiner!”
“Josh, I don’t want a hot dog right now.” Your body betrays you by letting out possibly the loudest stomach growl the group had ever heard.
“Clearly that’s a lie. Plus, we know how much you love sticking them in your mouth,” Danny tries to speak in between laughs. You could tell that he’s proud of himself for that joke.
“Relax, Sammy boy, no one’s gonna try to steal your girlfriend,” Jake teases as he slaps his back, trying to change his little brother’s mood. Based on what you could see through the flames of the fire, Sam’s face was red - beaming with frustration.
Sam seems to ignore his brother’s ‘girlfriend’ comment as he sits down in the seat directly across from yours, separated by the fire. Jake plops himself into the chair next to you, mysteriously pulling out an acoustic guitar.
“Where’d you get that?” you nod towards the guitar.
“Darling, I’m full of tricks,” Jake shoots you a wink, absentmindedly strumming the guitar. Looking around, you notice there was a black guitar case lined with a maroon velvet laying on the ground - instantly feeling dumb for asking him where got the acoustic from. If anyone knows Jake, then they always know there’s bound to be a guitar somewhere around him. Sure he was in college for business, but everyone knows being in a band was his true dream.
“Jake you gonna play us Wonderwall? Or tell us all about how you’re meant to be a rockstar?” Sam snickers at his brother. What has gotten into him today.
Sam was truly fed up with his brothers. Especially Jake. Every fear he ever had about bringing you to the lake had happened. Why couldn’t they just let him have something good for once? Sam had fully been planning on telling you about his feelings at multiple points in the day. He even made it obvious that he was being serious, but no one cared.
Looking across the flames, you sat in awe of your best friend. A pain forms in your chest as you think back to a certain night sophomore year where you were sat in the same position.
“Wooooo!”
“Sam, stop yelling! You’re gonna get us in trouble.”
“C’mon, Bug! Live a little,” Sam slurred at you, slinging his arm around your shoulder. He was drunk off the bourbon that his older brother just had to provide him with because it was ‘homecoming’. You rolled your eyes every time Jake said that. Maybe it was something that your parents engraved into your brain. God, you could hear the lecture from them already. Bitching at you for letting yourself be surrounded by ‘drunken idiots’.
You weren’t positive about the exact moment you started to like Sam, but one thing was for certain. This year you realized you were in love with him. It happened in between all the study dates, the late night texts and the random phone calls to see what you were up to.
But tonight? Tonight felt different. Granted, you guys were each other's dates to homecoming, but something just felt different. You couldn’t quite place what the emotion was. Maybe it had to do with the way you two slow danced tonight - your arms placed delicately around his neck, while his hands were wrapped around your waist, pulling you close. His toffee colored eyes staring into yours-giving you soft smiles all night, not to mention all the little touches and forehead kisses.
Your mind kept wandering back to those moments as you looked up at the man, watching the soft orange glow flicker across his face. His eyes were closed and he was starting to sway, you knew what this meant - you had approximately five minutes to get him up to bed or someone would have to carry him up there. You look around to see if there was anybody sober enough to help you get the lanky boy up the steps with no avail.
“C’mon, Sammy. Let’s get you to bed.”
“Bug, are you trying to seduce me right now?” Rolling your eyes, you let out a huff as the tall boy leaned more of his weight onto you, trusting that you would be able to get him upside and to bed safely.
“Sam, I know you're plastered, but you’ve gotta help me out here.”
“I always help you out. You’re my girl.”
You knew better than to believe his words, after all he was drunk and just rambling. Hearing the words ‘my girl’ was your downfall. You hated the way it made you blush. You silently thank god that you were able to make it into his room in one piece. After plopping the boy down onto the twin mattress, you were wondering how on earth you were going to get this boy changed. Finding a pair of sweats and grabbing a loose shirt, you turned around to find Sam standing in front of the bed.
“I thought I told you to stay on the bed.”
“Ooo. Bossy. I like it.” You knew he was a lot to deal with when he was drunk, but this was new.
“I’m not being bossy. I just want you to go to bed. I’m tired.”
“I don’t want to go to bed.”
“And why’s that?” You replied back, mocking the way he was whining.
“Cause you’re not gonna be here for me to cuddle.”
“Sam. Stop. You don’t mean that.”
“I do mean it,” Sam responded, stomping his foot like a two year old having a tantrum in the middle of a grocery store.
“No you don’t.”
“Stop telling me what I think,” he demands.
“Sammy, I know you. You don’t mean it. I’m not the girl you go for. Just please go to bed.” Your heart is aching with every word you speak.
“You can’t see it?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’ve had a thing for you for the past two years.”
“No you haven’t,” you scoff. As much as you wanted to believe him, you just couldn’t.
“Yes I have,” he insists. “Why don’t you believe me?”
“Sam, look at you and then look at me. We don’t go together.” Your arms were crossed and your eyes found purchase on anything but him. His gaze never let up.
“Bug, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”
“Please stop.” You could feel your breath slowly leaving your body as the young boy made his way to stand in front of you, placing a finger under your chin tilting your head up - silently begging for you to make eye contact with him.
“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you,” Sam whispered as he licked his lips. He leaves your eye contact briefly to look at your lips and then looks back into your eyes. Closing your eyes trying to find the right words to say - you were interrupted when you felt a pair of chapped lips meeting your soft ones.
Not believing what was happening, you opened up your eyes, only to be met with the sight of Sam’s eyes still closed focused on the task at hand. Closing your eyes, you could feel yourself melting into the kiss and slowly kissing the boy back. Sam could finally feel you relaxing into him - taking it as a sign to wrap his arms around your waist, pulling you in closer, running his hands through your hair. Not pulling or tugging, he was just holding you there.
Sam shoved you away when he heard the wooden bedroom door being opened and slammed against the beige wall. Looking over at the intruder, you could feel your chest tighten up again when you saw that it was Sam’s other best friend.
“Did I interrupt something?” Danny quizzed the couple in front of him, noticing the swollen lips and rustled dress shirt.
“Nope,” Sam replied nonchalantly.
After going to the bathroom that night, you decided to crash out in the boys basement, not being able to find it in yourself to face Danny after he walked in on the tender moment in between best friends. Waking up the morning afterwards, it took a couple of minutes for the realization of what happened- Sammy kissed you. Not only that, but he told you that you were the most beautiful person he ever saw. How were you supposed to address this situation with him?
Part of you wanted to run for the mountains and never face him again. Realistically you probably could live off the grid - but that would never happen, your parents would forbid it. Deciding that you needed to just talk to him, to figure out where you guys stood, you found yourself climbing up the steps of the quiet house. Placing your hand on the doorknob to turn it, you stopped yourself upon hearing muffled voices on the other side of the door.
“So you kissed y/n last night?”
“Dude. I fucked up.”
“But I thought you liked her?”
“Y/n? No, I think it was just the alcohol talking.” You could feel your heart breaking in two as you registered the words being spoken.
“How are you gonna fix this?”
“I just gotta tell her that it was a mistake. It meant nothing. I regret it.”
If only you could be in the room and see the raven haired boy shaking his head at the lanky haired man laying on his bed hungover.
The sudden feeling of a warm hand squeezing your knee brought you back to reality. Following up the arm of the man touching you - you were met with Jake’s coffee irises giving you the same sad sympathy look he had given you the morning after the kiss. You didn’t mean for any of Sam’s brothers to get involved with your relationship with him, but it just happened. After hearing Sam say the word ‘regret’, you ran outside onto the back porch in hopes of calming yourself down.
Instead you were met with Jake smoking a cigarette and asking if you wanted to talk about it. Did you want to talk about it? It just so happens that your brain was telling you not to, while your heart had the opposite. You needed someone just to listen to you and the mysterious twin just happened to be there. That was the moment you and Jake became close. He held you as you cried - repeatedly telling you that his brother was a ‘fucking idiot’ and ‘if he doesn’t see how amazing you are, fuck him’.
After that much needed pep talk from Jake, you pushed your feelings deep down inside and kept things as normal as you could with Sam. Meanwhile you and Jake were growing closer, but it was nothing in comparison with his little brother - the only issue is, Sam doesn’t know that. You were unaware of the fact that there were countless times the boys had been fighting over you. Well, more like it was Sam screaming at his brother to leave you alone and to stop trying to ‘fuck you’. Jake would just look at him and give him a little smirk that would just push Sam over the edge.
Jake moved his hand from your knee as a twig snaps in the dense woods just feet away from the group. Everyone’s attention is focused on the sound and you could feel your heart rate pick up. “What was that?”
“Probably just a deer,” Sam mutters as he peers into the darkness of the foliage.
“What if it’s that killer?” Danny says all too casually. Your palms begin to sweat and you shoot him a death glare, challenging him to tell a cruel joke again.
“What, you didn’t hear about it? It was on every local radio station around here.”
Sam meets your eyes then looks back to Danny. “No, we didn’t listen to the radio on the way here. I had my road trip playlist going.”
“You know how he is. ‘The radio is too mainstream,’” you roll your eyes, quoting Sam perfectly.
Josh’s grin almost makes it seem like he could be the killer. “Oh, so you really don’t know then, huh? Well, when we got here we heard that there were several dead bodies found in the woods and the lake. They’d all been murdered.”
Your skin begins to crawl. You had just swam in that lake. The woods that once felt so serene now seem dark and foreboding. Like something was lurking, waiting for the right time to slip through the darkness and into the house of some poor, unsuspecting vacationers.
“That’s not funny,” you mumble.
Josh’s head snaps to you, looking near evil. “No, it isn’t. Not funny at all.”
“Cut the shit, Josh,” Jake scoffs. “Josh is just being a dickhead, but they are telling the truth. There were bodies found around here and they never found the killer.”
“What do you mean they never found the killer?” The hairs on the back of your neck standing up as you felt like something or someone was watching you through the trees.
“Guys, knock it off. You’re scaring her,” Sam orders and moves his chair to sit next to you. “Hey, they’re just being douchebags. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“All jokes aside, the story itself is true. They never found the killer.. Rumor has it, one lady was slaughtered. Completely butchered. I guess the killer left a blood trail, the cops followed it into the woods. It stopped after twenty feet….whoever it is….they know how to hide. There really were bodies found around here, about three miles north. But, I doubt anything will happen to us. He probably left town. Well, I’m hoping he did,” Danny attempts to comfort.
“Danny,” Sam reprimands.
While you’re appreciative of Danny’s efforts, your stomach is queasy with fear. You don’t feel happy and carefree anymore. The moon shining down on the lake isn’t comforting like it once was, it’s ominous and holds secrets. The blowing wind seems like small whispers filled with said secrets.
“Can we go inside?” you ask quietly, eyes frantically scanning your surroundings. Feeling a hand cover your own, you recognize it immediately as Sam’s based on the way a crooked pinky finger is grazing against your own.
“Hey, it’s okay. We can go in,” Sam murmurs as he laces your fingers together. It doesn’t take more than a small tug to get you out of your seat and heading towards the house. The rest of the guys decide to join you, hastily cleaning up their mess.
“Now you two can have that movie night,” Jake ribs. “We’ll be joining you, though.”
Josh immediately launches into a list of movie suggestions, but you can’t find it in you to care. Between the scare of the murders and the jumble of feelings for Sammy, you just needed to stare mindlessly at a screen for a while.
The boys settle on the movie Psycho. You’re not sure if they’re intentionally trying to be dicks or not, but your mind is too busy to scold them. After gnawing on the skin of your thumb for a solid fifteen minutes, Sam slings his arm around your tense shoulders. The room is dark save for the glow of the tv screen and lamp that was hardly ever turned off, everyone is quiet. It could’ve been one of those world stopping moments you had with Sam whenever he danced along the boundary of friendship and maybe something more. The atmosphere was all wrong though. With the tension in the air and Jake’s worried eyes glancing at you periodically, there was no way you could indulge in this sweet moment.
Halfway through the movie, Jake stands abruptly. “I don’t remember if I put the fire out.”
“It’s been long enough. It probably went out by itself,” Josh mumbles, almost entirely distracted by the movie.
“Do you really want to be responsible for a forest fire that could kill all of us? I’m going to check.”
He moves through the living room and grabs his pack of cigarettes before breezing through the door. Your gut twists at the thought of Jake going out there alone. What if that killer was still around?
You know you’re probably overreacting, but the sinking feeling in your chest wouldn’t let up, so you start to pull from Sam’s grasp. He only wraps around you tighter, shooting you a half smile.
“I wanna go with Jake,” you whisper, trying not to disturb the other two boys.
Sam’s full brows furrow, grasp still not letting up. “Why? He’s fine out there. We can see him through the window so we’ll know if something happens.” Standing your ground with a pointed look, the boy sighs and rubs your arm. “I would really like it if you would stay with me. I’ve missed you today.”
Oh. Your resolve melts a bit at his statement, some warmth returning to your heart. The puppy dog eyes he’s giving you are absolutely killer. How could you deny him? You sink back into your spot, safely tucked into his side and decide that Jake could wait until the movie was over. After all, you were being a little ridiculous about all of this.
But when the movie is over, Jake is no longer in sight. Anxiety nearly consumes you as you lift from the creaky old couch and press your nose against the dusty pane of the window closest to you. “Guys? Why isn’t Jake back? Why can’t I see him?”
Josh groans as he stretches out, foolishly opting to take a seat on the hardwood floor for the entire length of the film. “You know Jake. He’s probably off on one of his late night excursions.” The eldest joins your side after a moment, brown eyes scanning the darkness. “Look, he’s right there at the dock.”
There is a silhouette standing along the edge of the water at the beginning of the dock. It was far enough away that you couldn’t see any features, but the outline was there. You strain your eyes looking at the form. Was that Jake? You couldn’t tell.
“Are you sure?” you worry. “How do you know?”
Josh claps you on the back, an amused smile gracing his youthful face. “I’m his twin. I think I could pick him out of a crowd of probably like, a thousand.”
“Let’s go to bed, okay? You’ll see Jake in the morning.” Sammy comes up behind you wrapping his arms around your midsection pulling you away from the window and towards the stairs.
“None of you guys are going to check on him?” You ask them, trying not to be annoying but you just can’t shake this unsettling feeling in your gut.
“Bug, he’ll be okay. Besides, we have this cool thing called twin telepathy. I know when something is wrong,” Josh tries to reassure you.
“Y/n. He’ll be coming in at any minute. He’s gotta help me with the kayak’s tomorrow and you know he hates getting up early.” You took a deep breath continuing your journey up the stairs, trying to have faith in Danny’s sentence. Maybe I’m overthinking this. Deep Breaths y/n.
Sam left you in the bedroom alone for a total of five minutes to change before you found yourself calling out for him frantically - you’ve never heard the man move faster. At lightning speed Sam came crashing through the door searching for your figure. Nestled into the wall closest to the window, the boy could see your hands shaking uncontrollably. Stalking his way over to you, wrapping you up in his arms, whispering ‘you’re okay’ into your hair.
“S…Sam. There’s something in the woods over there,” you tremble into his chest, shifting all your body weight onto him, seeking as much comfort as you possibly could.
“Bug, there’s nothing out there.”
“Yes there is! I just saw the bushes move. There’s something out there watching us.”
“Y/n it’s pro-”
“Don’t tell me that it’s just a deer. It’s the killer Sam. I know it is,” you cut Sam off desperately. To be fair, your intuition never lied to you when it came to things like this. “We need to leave now.”
“Look at me.” He didn’t give you a chance to object as he put his fingers under your chin, firmly tilting your head up. “I will not let anything happen to you. Okay? I’m gonna kill the guys. They shouldn’t have said anything.”
“Well, I’m glad they did. Sam I'm not crazy, there’s someone watching us.” Your gaze returns to the forest. You know you saw something. You hadn’t imagined things like this before after hearing your fair share of campfire ghost stories. There was something different about this time. Something sinister.
“Let’s go to bed okay? I think today’s just been long and we just need to sleep it off.”
“Okay,” you sigh and feel his hands tugging you towards the bed as you keep looking out the window. Your intuition was screaming at you to get out of there as fast as you could. Crawling into bed, you opted for the spot closest to the door incase you needed a fast escape tonight.
“Nuh-uh. Move over,” Sam grins, towering over your figure that’s already nestled into the sheets and slowly dozing off.
“I’m comf-”
“Don’t even finish that sentence. Move it missy. I need to be by the door.” Sam starts pulling the comforter away from you, acting like he was about to sit on top of you in hopes that he would make you giggle. He knew your mind was racing about the possibility of the killer breaking into the lake house - he needed to try to take your mind off of it, even just a little bit.
“Okay, okay. Bossy.” You find yourself starting to get nervous as the reality kicks in that Sam is laying next to you. Flinching as you feel his forearm rest against yours, you take it upon yourself to roll over onto your side, facing the wall. You couldn’t possibly bear to face him in such a moment that seemed as intimate as this.
If you were facing him, you would’ve seen the way that he was staring at you, having a fight with his inner monologue that told him to roll over and pull you into him, but he was scared - scared that it would ruin the friendship although Sam knew that this was his moment. Now or never. Everytime that he tried to tell you how he felt, one of his brothers had to interrupt the moment. Following his heart this time instead of his head, he pushes himself up against your back, throwing his arm over your midsection. Your eyes fly open at the action, you knew that you were going to be in close proximity - you just never expected this.
“Relax,” Sam murmurs into your ear. Fuck maybe he felt me tensing.
“I am.”
“No you’re not. Just let me hold you for a minute.”
“I’m going to go look for Jake,” you mumble, moving his arm off of you. Trying to find an excuse to get away from him. Thinking about how he must’ve drank in those five minutes you were parted, there was no way Sam was sober and speaking to you like this. Finally succeeding and moving his arm, you sit up, getting ready to crawl out of bed when you hear Sam letting out a groan behind you.
“Why are you so worried about Jake?” The boy explodes. Shocked by the sudden outburst, you turn around to find him sitting up, red in the face. He was pissed.
“Sam, he’s outside by himself.”
“Bullshit.”
“Excuse me?” At this point you were out of the bed making your way over to the dresser, looking for a sweatshirt to throw on before you went outside.
“I said bullshit, y/n. Just tell me that you’re into my brother instead of leading me on.”
“Instead of leading you on?” You whip around to face him, hands trembling from the confrontation.
“Wow. Do you need a hearing aid or something? Do you know how obvious it is that you like Jake? The way you’ve been hanging all over him since sophomore year? You’re supposed to be the person that’s closest to me, yet you still decide to go after my big brother. Newsflash, y/n, he’ll fuck you and leave!”
Sam’s posture is rigid, face and bare chest flushed with passion of the moment. You hate yourself for thinking he looks pretty.
“Sam, what are you talking about?”
“You’re fucking unbelievable,” Sam spits out at you in a venom laced tone.
“Me? Me? I’m the unbelievable one?”
“That’s what I just fucking said.”
You scoff and tug your sweatshirt over your head. You can’t believe what he’s saying to you. He had the audacity to call you deaf, yet didn’t realize just how blind he truly is.
“Tell me,” you seethe. “Tell me when I’ve been all over your brother, Samuel.”
He rattles off different instances, starting with sophomore year and how you suddenly grew close with Jake. He told you his perspective of those secret moments with the older Kiszka, not knowing you were actually lamenting over your own best friend. Sam suddenly grows quiet and his chest heaves. “I just wish I could be that person for you. I want that to be me. I have looked up to Jakey for so long - my entire life - and somehow I keep falling short. Even with you. I just want you to feel the same feelings I feel for you.”
Your lower lip trembles and your nails dig into the flesh of your palm. “Don’t,” you say through grit teeth. “Don’t say that to me. Especially when you regretted it so much last time.”
His honey eyes that are darkened with distress flick from the comforter to look into yours, pink lips shaping into a small ‘o’. He stares at you for a moment before whispering, “You heard that?”
“I had my hearing aids on that night.”
“Y/n…I didn’t mean it.”
“Please stay over there. Don’t come closer to me,” you plead with Sam as he gets out of bed and starts moving towards you. As much as you want the comfort of him holding you - you have to stand your ground and admit to him how much he destroyed you at that moment.
“Please...just listen to me.”
“You’ve got two minutes,” you bite, leaning back against the dresser and crossing your arms.
“I was fifteen. I was scared, y/n. My brothers would tease me about you being my secret girlfriend all the time and I just- I don’t know, Bug. There’s no excuse for it. I don’t regret our kiss at all. If anything, I regret not coming to you the next day and kissing you again…this time sober.”
You hate to admit it - your heart is aching as Sam expresses his feelings. Maybe this is the universe finally bringing us together.
“I came downstairs that morning looking for you. You know where I found you?” You shake your head at the man in front of you, trying to hold back tears as he makes his way slowly over. His large hands cup your face, gently rubbing his thumbs over your cheeks.
“I saw you outside with Jake. He was holding you…something I should’ve been doing, not him. I got closer to the screen door and I realized you were sobbing into his chest. I thought you regretted the kiss. I figured the tears were because you didn’t want me the way I want you, so I just pretended that it never happened. I stood by on the sidelines, hiding how bad I wanted you, y/n.”
“You want me?” You try blinking away the tears and Sam catches the single drop that rolls down your right cheek, gently wiping it away.
“Why wouldn’t I? I’ve been in love with you for the past two years. Thanks for noticing by the way.” Sam presses his forehead against yours, letting out a soft chuckle.
“I’ve been in love with you too,” you whisper, looking into his honey irises.
“God, we’re idiots.”
Both of you softly laugh whilst staring at each other, trying to press this memory into your mind. You silently wish that you could see this look of love on his face everytime you close your eyelids.
“Hey, Sam?”
“Yes, bug?”
“Kiss me.” Your heart is pounding, but not in the uncomfortable way it had been for the last hour. Any worries you had are thrown out the window. Your mind is enveloped with Sam’s presence, his scent. He consumes you.
“Well, if you insist.” You find yourself closing your eyes as Sam leans forward, finally capturing your lips in his. It was short and sweet - nothing less than electric.
Pulling away, you two start giggling uncontrollably.
“Can’t believe we haven’t done that since we were fifteen,” he chortles and pulls you flush to his chest. His visage grows serious as he gazes down at you, strands of hair falling and framing his face. “I’m not gonna run away this time, I promise. This time I’ll show all of them that I love you and that you are mine.”
The electric feeling flows from your lips down to your toes at his confession. This situation didn’t feel real. “I believe you,” you whisper. “Now let’s go to bed.”
The two of you lay side by side, but quickly end up being wrapped in each other. You’re almost certain that you’re flying, floating through some dreamland that only your brain would cruelly make up. You’re terrified that you’ll come crashing to the ground and none of this will be real. But in the morning, he’s still there. His soft locks are splayed around him after having fallen out of his bun in the night. Supple lips are parted as gentle breaths escape him. He’s an angel. You decide you wouldn’t leave his side until he woke. This is the perfect time to admire him uninterrupted.
“You know it’s rude to stare right?” You flush with embarrassment knowing that you just got caught in the act.
“Sorry.”
Sam grins, looking down at you laying on top of him with your face as red as a tomato. He loves watching you get flustered.“Why are you apologizing? I didn’t say I hate it.”
“How’d you sleep?” you mumble as you tuck your head back into his chest, wrapping your arms around him and squeezing tight. You couldn’t believe that this is real. Sam is yours.
“Really?”
“What?”
“We’re doing small talk now?” Sam giggles.
“I’m nervous. I don’t know what to say.”
“Stop. It’s just me, Bug. I told you last night I'm not going anywhere.”
You open your mouth to reply, but you’re cut off by the sound of pans hitting the floor and a loud ‘fuck!’ from the kitchen. Both of you laugh out loud at Josh’s exclamation.
“We should probably go down there.” You pull yourself from his arms and slowly make your way over to the door, pausing to look back at the god-like man in bed. “You coming?”
Sam moans out a small protest. “Why? We can stay here. We don’t need to interact with them.”
“He’s gonna burn the house down without supervision. You can stay here, but I’ll be damned if we all die in a house fire,” you joke and head out of the bedroom. It’s only a few seconds before you hear the padding of feet behind you and a set of bony fingers rest on your hips. He presses a kiss to your hair and descends the creaky stairs.
“Morning,” Josh grins as he spreads out ingredients for a large breakfast. “Day two at Camp Kiszka! How are you feeling?”
You steal a glance at Sam, forcing back a secretive smile. “I’d say we’re feeling pretty good.”
Before Josh can even ask why, the screen door is slamming open. Danny rushes in, looking pale and frantic. That same dreadful feeling from last night returns and his expression sends shivers down your spine.
Sam steps forward. “Dan, what’s wrong?”
Danny stands there shaking and wide eyed then nearly chokes over his words. “J…Ja..”
“C’mon, Danny, spit it out!” Josh moves beside the six foot man, slapping him on the back.
“Jake’s dead.”
#long past dawn#dannythedog x gretavanfran#greta van fleet#gvf#greta van fleet fanfic#sam kiszka#sam gvf#sammy kiszka#sammy gvf#sam kiszka x reader#sam kiszka fic#josh kiszka#josh gvf#josh kiszka fic#jake kiszka#jake gvf#jake kiszka fanfic#danny wagner#danny gvf#daniel wagner#danny wagner fic
252 notes
·
View notes
Note
I'm in my mid 20's and I noticed last year and a half I started being very forgetful... I'm afraid it's health related. Sometimes I feel like I have dementia. I know we all forget things but I forget things multiple times per day. It's not just small things like forgetting where your keys are. Example: I could wash the dishes, go to my room and 20 minutes later I would go to the kitchen because I can't remember if I washed it or not.
I'm worried what is happening with me. I tried to keep track of how many times I forget something and I always forget more than 5, 6, 7, 8 things every day (depends).
A lot of times I would do something and in the next 5-10 minutes I would forget if I did that thing or not.
Some people say they have blackouts because it's stress related. Idk... it wasn't so bad a year and a half ago... keeps getting worse. My memory truly sucks. But I don't want to go to the doctor yet.
The thing is, there are A LOT of different conditions which can trigger or worsen memory issues, and dementia is not among the most likely. At your age especially, the culprit is far more likely to be named stress, or depression, or trauma, or ADHD, or a chronic illness that causes brainfog, or- Like we're not exactly lacking potential answers. That being said, I do recommend that you get it checked out when you can in order to rule out stuff like dementia, especially if you're really scared
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
xikers reacting to you flirting
pair: xikers/gn!reader
word count: 1k
content: fluff, some established relationships (labeled accordingly!), some lines may be cheesy, most of it is just teasing more than anything, some nicknames (ex. baby, babe, etc)
author's note: inspired by this tiktok of seeun live
taglist: @yuniniverse @eyeryis @sinnarols
apply for the permanent taglist here!
minjae — established
minjae wants to act suave
but honestly he's super embarrassed
like he's doing his best to flirt back
but his face is beet red in the process
"h-how about you and i go somewhere nice"
"min, babe, your face is super red"
"t-that's bc y-y-you just got me all hot and bothered, baby"
"you're going to turn into a fire alarm at this rate"
but usually he's only like that if you catch him off guard
if he's the one that starts the flirt off
then you're the one that's all shy
but he also suffers from Chronic Dad Jokes™
so some of his lines fall through
"baby, are you from tennessee? bc you're the only ten i see"
"minmin, baby, go to sleep."
junmin — established
junmin is so embarrassed
you lay one line on him
and he's all sorts of shy
like he can't even respond
he's covering his face with his sweater paws
and he's doing his best to remain calm
but anytime you give him the tiniest compliment
he's squealing
"you're so handsome"
"BABY PLS"
"so gorgeous so sexy"
"STOP I'M GOING TO COMBUST"
"who let you go on stage and body roll like that you were too sexy for your own good"
"I'M BEGGING YOU PLEASE"
"JUNMIN YOU'RE SO SEXY"
"EEEEEEEEEE"
sumin — first encounter
honestly this guy would start flirting with you first
like jinsik and hyunwoo bet that he wouldn't especially after pointing out how cute you are
so he starts flirting first
"hey there can you do me a favor and stick your finger in my coffee?"
"why?"
"i need something to make it warmer, hot stuff"
but then he loses his composure when you flirt back
"i think your finger would be better since you're hotter"
WOAH OKAY HE WASN'T EXPECTING THIS
he shakes his head and tries to stop blushing
"why don't i take you for ice cream—"
"as long as you promise to not melt my cone, you got yourself a deal"
GATDAMN OKAY
he holds his hand out for your phone, and he puts his number in
"here's my number. text me, and we'll plan something"
"alright, hot stuff"
jinsik — first encounter
nah jinsik's poor heart can't take it
like how on earth is he supposed to react
you're so freaking attractive
and then you just casually walk up to him
and tell him you must be dead because you saw an angel???
and that angel his HIM?!?!!?!???!
"w-wwha-whatwha-what!"
"your birthday is oct 4th it has to be"
"n-no it's july 30th"
"i thought angels were born oct 04— 1004"
it's such a surprise that he didn't burst into flames honestly
it's even more of a surprise that he didn't collapse and curl into a little ball
how can you flirt so openly omg omg and he's not that cute???
"NO OMG YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL WHAT IS YOUR NAME ANGEL"
"AH!!!!!!!"
hyunwoo — established
"babe, on a scale of 1 to 10, you're 3000"
"why is that?"
"because i love you 3000"
hyunwoo has the biggest smirk on his face
"what else?"
"huh?"
"lay it on me baby tell me"
and he's just pressuring you to put more lines on him
but you only had the one arrow in your quiver
so he tries his hand
"you're stellar, babe"
"hold on—"
"i'm going to pick you up at 8. show you a night you'll never forget"
"hyunwoo—"
"call me peter pan bc imma take you on a trip to neverland"
"HYUNWOO"
junghoon — established
junghoon doesn't even realize that you're flirting
honestly he's so oblivious
"hey, i think you dropped something"
"what what'd i drop?"
"my heart"
"what? where? why would i have your heart?"
"n-no, hoonie, i'm flirting"
and he has the most blank look on his face
"flirting?"
as if he's never heard the word before
"yeah, flirting"
"...oh, i see"
and that's the last time you try to pull lines on him
seeun — first encounter
seeun can't handle it
like his mind is scrambled
your lines with him are way too subtle
and he's having an existential crisis
like are you???
are you flirting with him???
mans is O.O
"wait wait wait..."
first of all
you mustered all the courage to lay the line
and now he's telling you to wait???
"y es?"
"are you flirting with me?"
"yes"
"...okay say it again i got a good response"
and then he flirts back
thank god he flirts back bc otherwise you woulda fully fallen over
yujun — first encounter
yujun freezes
and he's just
so
are you actually flirting with him?
you like him?
he spotted you like minutes earlier and thought you were super cute
but you??? like him too???
"i'm... i... than k y o u"
he's just so taken aback that he doesn't know how to function
yujun.exe stopped operating
"you're really cute"
he's already not functioning??? and you're making it WORSE???
"y-you too— i mean, you are too— i mean i like you too— I MEAN"
just call him eggs bc he is scrambling
like there is steam coming out of his ears
"y-you're really cute too"
hunter — established
you can't flirt with hunter
he already knows all the lines in the goddamn book
"hunter, you're 4—"
"yes, i know. i ate. i get it"
"you're no fun"
"come up with something more original then"
but he's grinning ear to ear
honestly
in a flirt off
you're fna lose
hunter is the flirting king
so even if you start with him
he'll finish it
and you'll be the one begging him to stop
yechan — first encounter
first thing: he screams and runs away
but honestly it's kinda your fault for just laying it on so thick so fast
"your hand looks heavy. can i hold it for you?"
"WHAT WHAT WHAT"
and he runs away
but then someone catches him
(most likely minjae)
and steers him back to you
but before he can even take a second to fix his brain
"i think i saw you on spotify— you were listed as the hottest single"
and he runs away screaming again
and someone brings him back again
this goes on for a while until he finally is able to respond appropriately
"g-give me your number and i promise i won't run away again"
#xikers headcanon#xikers fanfic#xikers au#broatz#kim minjae#park junmin#choi sumin#ham jinsik#choi hyunwoo#kim junghoon#park seeun#jung yujun#hunter#lee yechan#xikers minjae#xikers junmin#xikers sumin#xikers jinsik#xikers hyunwoo#xikers junghoon#xikers seeun#xikers yujun#xikers hunter#xikers yechan#xikers fluff#xikers imagines#xikers drabbles#xikers
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
dissociatED ch. 2
the girls (edd and eddy) are no longer fighting
“Greetings! You’ve reached Eddward. Unfortunately, I’m unable to take your call at the moment. If you will, please leave a brief message with your name, and telephone number, and I’ll return your call as soon at my earliest convenience. Thank you!”
Eddy mocked the nasally voice under his breath after hanging up and tossing the phone onto the foot of his bed. It was bad enough that he would yet again be the one admitting defeat in another of their standoffs. Now he had to wait for a call back just to apologize? Restless with frustration, he hopped off his bed and paced around his bedroom as if to follow his train of thought.
He’s ignoring me. He’s gotta be! His phone’s literally attached to his hip with that tacky ass belt holster. He shuddered to think of the gauche accessory.
Maybe Ed’s sixth sense was wrong and he’d finally fucked it up for real this time. The only logical explanation was that Double Dee had reached his threshold for Eddy’s bullshit once and for all and would never forgive him. One dickish remark too many. And the last one was a doozy.
-
“So you’re not coming?” The breath hitched in Eddy’s throat released as a scoff.
“Eddy, if you'd-”
“Y'know, I only agreed to go cuz you looked like you were gonna fucking cry when I said I didn’t want to. Here I was, willing to embarrass myself for you and you’re gonna flake?” He scowled at the shiny plastic garment bag hanging from the frame of his closet.
Edd rolled his eyes at the guilt trip. He looked down at his notepad where ‘sorry’ was scrawled several times in a hodgepodge of print and cursive.
"Due to a… discrepancy in scheduling, I've had to make a few discommodious adjustments to a-accommodate an important - mandatory, in fact - meeting of the associated student body… Believe you me, if there was a way I could be there, I would.” Edd should have left his sputtering at that, but felt compelled to inject additional awkwardness. “Yessiree. Front row." His teeth scraped his lip while he hoped against hope that his lousy excuse would be accepted with minimal scrutiny.
"You lie like a cheap rug! If you cared so much, you'd find a way to be here."
Edd’s cheeks were burning. Though he considered himself to be fairly skilled in the art of prevarication, he should have known better than to think he’d get one over on Eddy “Spinner of Yarns” McGee.
"Y-You don't understand," he choked. Citing the enervating anxiety he felt about venturing back to Peach Creek sounded like even more of a cop out in his head than the nonexistent meeting. In all truth, the mere thought of taking in its familiar sights, sounds and smells for an entire day worsened his chronic shortness of breath. Not to mention the hours-long trip just to get there. Before he could find the words, a gruff voice interjected.
"Forget it, you're doin' me a favor. Just wish you'd told me before I rented the fuckin' robe." he bluffed, knowing full well his parents weren't going to let him skip commencement after they paid for his cap and gown. "And I don't get why you feel the need to lie. You know you suck at it.”
"Yes well," Edd cleared his throat before making another attempt to explain. "Your and Ed’s educational milestone is important to me, Eddy. Unfortunately, I have other obligations." His unintentionally stony tone prompted a softening of his next words. "I do hope you'll still attend. Earning a high school diploma is quite an achievement for you."
"For me? What the hell’s that s'posed to mean?!"
"I meant nothing by it! Though I'm sure you'd agree, things were a bit touch and go for a while there." Eddy remained silent during his friend's dramatic pause.
His trudge to the educational finish line had indeed been a struggle, which was why he was so hurt by Edd ditching. Their off and on tutoring sessions over the years were the only reason he maintained a solid 2.3 GPA. Apparently that all meant nothing now.
"I’m very proud of you, Eddy."
"Uh-huh. Not proud enough, apparently." The cantankerous little cad couldn't help it. If there was a snide remark to be made, his soul wouldn’t rest until he was the one to make it. "All that belly achin’ you do about your parents - now look at you! You’re acting just like ‘em."
Edd's wide eyes blinked incredulously at such an emotional sucker punch. They’d exchanged their fair share of injurious insults across years of tumultuous friendship, but their tacit agreement not to exploit certain vulnerabilities had never been breached. During even their worst tiffs, he wouldn’t have dreamed of such a low blow from someone who claimed to be his best friend.
Eddy's knee bounced furiously while he waited for a response to his odious words that hung like Ed’s B.O.. It was a shitty thing to say, sure, but what kind of jerk misses their buddy’s graduation? As far as he was concerned, he was the real victim here. So he doubled down.
“You can tell Ed too, cuz I’m not in the mood for the waterworks.”
Rustling was heard on the other line before the call disconnected.
-
Edd froze with his hand gripping the front door knob of his shared apartment. The deadbolt clicked with the turning key, then the door gave way to his weary shoulder. He was still adjusting to the culture shock of seeing how people lived when they didn’t have a pathological need for order. Living with strangers - living with anyone was taking Edd much longer to get used to than expected.
Indignation boiled his insides while he stood eyeing the open floor plan from the doormat. As he stepped inside, he kicked the folded corner of an area rug back, and picked up a couple of throw pillows from the middle of the floor. Loose filler paper spilled from the open pocket of a backpack tossed on the couch. He brought his hands up to his temples to serve as blinders to the squalor as he continued toward the hall.
Being the friendly folks they were, his roommates frequently reminded him that he was in fact allowed to come out of his room. Edd always politely declined, confounded by the concept of relaxing in a room that hadn’t been dusted in recent memory. At this point, it was clear that his colleagues were less than receptive to his sermons on the advantages of sanitization, organization and minimalism. Now he just did his best to ignore the unvacuumed floors, the sinkful of dishes and clutter collecting dust on every flat surface. It was just his luck to be housed with two people whose filth gave Ed a run for his money. A lineup of empty soda cans was swiped off the kitchen table by the messenger bag jutting from Edd’s hip as he zipped by. He startled at the noise, but stuck to his resolution to no longer clean up after capable adults.
The door of his austere refuge opened to cool, purified air, subtly scented with lavender from a reed diffuser. He entered just far enough to close the door and hang his bag and windbreaker from the hook on the back. The mattress protector and sheets crinkled as he plopped onto the twin bed and plucked his hat off for a vigorous massage of his tender scalp. As he folded over and tugged at his double knotted shoelaces, he glanced up and saw the phone he’d left on his desk all day.
He first realized it was missing during mid-morning breakfast with his ESL conversation partner. Mostly unbothered, since incoming phone calls were a rarity these days, it slipped his mind before he even finished his crepes. It wasn’t until early evening that he was reminded of its absence when his steel guitar tutee was ten, then twenty minutes late for their lesson. He attributed the absence to end-of-summer blues, but just in case, he tucked his shoes off to the side and grabbed the little nylon pouch. His heart sank when he flipped the screen up and saw that he’d missed six calls from one of the few numbers he had saved.
"Hello?"
"Eddy? I-I'm so sorry, I… I was in a rush as usual and forgot my cell phone at home this morning. Is everything okay?" While waiting for an answer, he’d been recounting a list of worst case scenarios and going over the most logical reaction for each.
"Aye, Sockhead! Long time no talk?" He cringed at the poor attempt at sounding more composed than he felt. "Uh, how are ya?"
"I’m returning your call. Well, calls.” Edd’s concern quickly gave way to snark once he caught his friend's signature cheeky tone. "How are you?"
"Can't complain. Well I could, but who wants to hear it, amirite?"
Several seconds passed before Edd responded to the hackneyed quip.
"Seems I'm not the only one with a tendency to mirror their parents."
For once, didn't take long for Edd to get to the point. Eddy deflated like a balloon. At least with the elephant acknowledged he could cut the crap.
"Look, I didn't mean what I said, okay?" His voice was a low mumble. "I was just frustrated with the whole… thing. If it's any constellation, my folks made me go anyway."
"Oh yes, I feel quite consoled, Eddy." The corners of his mouth tightened. "I do appreciate the effort it must have taken you to form something adjacent to an apology.”
"Right…" Eddy responded, then waited for the "but".
"After some reflection, however, I realized that there may have been some merit to your callous comment." Edd recrossed his legs and leaned back in his ergonomic office chair. "I told you I'd be there cheering you on when you advanced this next phase of life. And I wasn't.” His ears tingled with imminent lacrimation. “For that, I sincerely apologize."
Eddy was used to his friend's frequent blubbering by now, but his chest still tightened when Edd’s voice cracked. Luckily, befriending a crybaby was great practice for offering comfort in moments like these.
"Hey, c'mon. You're nothin' like those tight asses. Not with the, like, important stuff." He still wasn’t very good at it. “'Sides, I still had Ed! Oh man, you shoulda seen it! He tripped over his own dumb feet twice on his way up to the stage." A hearty laugh cut through the tension. “I hope someone was recording! Fuckin’ idiot.”
"Yes, he told me as much.” Edd sniffled and let out a weak laugh. “In fact, he gave me quite the rundown for most of your past academic year. Including the so-called senior prank you hoped to pull." A sneaking smile accentuated his playful scorn.
"Me? A prank?" Eddy gasped and clutched his proverbial pearls. "It was a good one, huh?"
"Mmm, from what I could gather during his breathless retelling, you hoped to replace each student's photo in the yearbook with your own portrait?" Edd's smirk grew. "Sounds less like a prank and more a manifestation of unchecked narcissism."
"I thought it was funny. If that girlfriend of yours would’ve played along it would've been a scream." Eddy replied flatly. "I swear she used her piddly authority as head of the yearbook club to unfairly target me. What’d I ever do to her?” He gestured wildly alone in his room. “She wouldn't even approve my quote! Instead, she put some mealy-mouthed bullshit about the value of education. You need to get a handle on her.”
Edd momentarily ignored the bulk of the erroneous ravings and gave in to curiosity about what kind of trouble Eddy had been causing in his absence.
"Dare I ask just what vile excerpt you insisted be printed below your definitive school photo? The photo, mind you, that generations of our fellow alumni will undoubtedly come across?" Edd closed his eyes as innumerable offensive possibilities raced through his mind.
"It was gonna be that old Sinatra quote. Y’know, 'The best revenge is massive success.’ But oh no, little miss Steinem said it'd be a cold day in hell before a misogynist was commemorated in her precious book. Hell, I don't even care for the guy, but it's a good quote."
"That's it? Funny, I imagined something far more…blue. Although, she does have a point about the normalization of mid-century machismo. I'd think you of all people would be sympathetic to her cause."
Eddy paused to figure out what Edd meant.
"By the way, Nazz and I separated shortly before your class graduation. I was going to tell you when we last spoke but-"
"Woah, woah, woah, hang on! What’d she write ya a Dear John letter?"
A crackling laugh sent Edd recoiling from the phone’s speaker. Eddy made no effort to downplay his glee at the news he'd been waiting to hear for nearly a year.
"What happened, didja sprout a few chest hairs and scare her off?"
Edd held his matter-of-fact reply until the snickering ceased.
"The hardships of maintaining a long distance relationship proved too much to abide, I'm afraid. I think we had an inkling that our dalliance was doomed to dereliction, but it certainly was fun while it lasted."
"The fuck does that mean? You dumped her?"
"I like to think of it as mutual, Eddy. We came to realize that we were simply two ships passing in the night. Alas, separated by the briny tides of the vast ocean of inconstancy we call life."
"Yeah, she dumped ya. And now I see why, ew!"
"Oh, and I suppose women are just lining up to jump into that unmade bed of yours?" Edd snorted.
"Uh, duh! They’re linin’ the block just for the chance. Had to install a turnstile for chrissake!" He smiled when Edd's scoff morphed into a genuine laugh.
"Why, it’s a wonder you found the time to call me. I’m flattered.”
“Yeah well, even Lothario needs a breather from time to time.” Eddy flipped over on the bed to lay on his stomach. “What about you? How's the single life treatin' ya? You must be bumpin' uglies with a different chick every night, huh?"
Edd rolled his eyes at the notably accusatory tone and accompanying vulgar image.
"Please. If I didn't know any better, I’d think I had unwittingly signed a vow of celibacy along with the lease for my off-campus apartment." Edd stood from his chair and stretched with a drawn out groan, then took the three short steps back to his outgrown bed. "Not that I've had the time, nor energy for such extracurricular activities, given my shortsightedness in arranging my summer schedule."
Relief washed over Eddy.
"What, you mean to tell me you ain't goin' to the keggers at Alpha Beta Soup every weekend?" They both chuckled at the absurd idea.
"Tempting as it may be to attend a gathering of belligerent, red-faced bloviators, where the guest of honor is a barrel of Bud Light - I think I'll pass."
"You gotta make time for yourself or you'll go nuts, Dee. What've you been doing all break then?"
"Well, I just finished my final class of the summer… Oh, and I’ve started tutoring again.” Exhaustion stopped him from elaborating. “Now, I’m waffling.”
"About what?"
"Well, I'd really like to see you and Ed before classes commence in a few weeks. I'm just not sure…"
"Not sure?" Eddy's forehead scrunched. "I'm- er, Ed's practically dysfunctional without ya. More than usual, that is."
"Oh good lord, please tell me he's still employed?" Edd's subconscious foot shaking paused while awaiting an answer.
"Yeah, yeah he's still at the plant." Eddy heard a faint exclamation of relief from his friend. "Him and May are still mushy as ever, yadda yadda yadda. I can tell he's missin’ ya though."
"It's not that I don't want to see you! I'm just once again letting worry cloud my better judgment." Edd looked down at the throbbing, red thumb he'd been mindlessly picking at since before their call started. "I'm not even sure where I'd stay if I did come to visit."
There was a brief silence while Eddy's brain caught up to his friend's words. He'd been stuck on the irony of Edd worrying about Ed's job, when in reality he was the one who'd recently nearly wrecked his car looking for "Help Wanted" signs.
"Well, depending on when you wanna come, my folks are takin' their uh… 'couples' cruise' in like, a week. You could stay at my place."
Edd's face lit up at his friend's offer.
"Oh, Eddy, that would be fantastic! And what convenient timing… How long will they be away?"
"Mom said they're leaving for the airport Tuesday morning, but I'll have to find out when they're comin' back. It's usually like a week."
"Excellent!" Edd squeaked excitedly. "As soon as you find out I'll buy my bus ticket, and-"
"Bus?!" Eddy sat up. "You really think you'd survive a ride on the Freakshow Express? Get real! I'll drive it. Just gimme the address."
"Honestly, Eddy, the bus isn't that bad. I'm of the opinion that having to endure a few eccentrics is a small price to pay for ecologically sustainable transportation."
"I want to come get you." He was a little embarrassed by how intense he suddenly sounded. His heart rate picked up. An eyebrow arched beneath Edd's hat.
"Have you been adhering to your vehicle's maintenance schedule?"
"You can't help yourself, can you?" Eddy laughed and shook his head. "My car's fine. I just got the brake pads replaced, and I think they changed the oil. Might've been the wiper fluid... I dunno. How bout I bring ya the receipt and you can write your analysis on the way back?"
"Oh, I'm sorry that I'm not jumping at the opportunity to be stranded on some rural back road with no phone service, and none of the tools required to correct whatever mechanical misfortune undoubtedly befalls us given our seemingly supernatural bad luck. Do you even have a roadside emergency kit? Preferably including road flares?"
"I still have the one you gave me! You act like we're goin' to Canada or something. It's a few hundred miles. I got cables, a spare, a jack, and I'll wear my cut offs in case we need to flag down some meathead to do the grunt work."
Edd's giggling tapered with a sigh.
"In that case, I look forward to seeing you, Eddy."
"I bet you do." He teased, making Edd redden. "Nah, I'm excited to see you too. Maybe we could, uh... get some lunch or somethin' while we're out there." It was a benign suggestion, but heightened excitement made it seem risky.
"I'd like that." Edd's calm voice masked the fact that he was screaming internally. No, he wouldn't read to much into his friend's words. He'd only end up hurt again. Instead, he read his watch. "I hate to cut our conversation short, Eddy, but I've got to start my nighttime routine."
As kids, they'd yap on the phone for hours with no lull until one or both of them fell asleep clutching the receiver. Eddy found himself grinning like an idiot at the not-so-distant memories. After such a long stretch of not speaking, it was difficult to say goodbye.
"Alright, have fun scrubbing your elbows or whatever it is you do."
"You know I will!"
"I'll let you know what my mom says. I'll text you!"
"Sounds great. Good-"
"Don't forget your phone!"
"I'll clip it to my belt tonight."
"'You better."
"Good night, Eddy."
"Night, Dee."
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
Welcome home incorrect quotes
🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎
Eddie Dear: Every time I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.
Frank Frankly: Okay, but what is updog?
Barnaby Beagle: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.
Howdy Pillar: No, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.
Wally Darling: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.
Poppy Partridge: Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.
Eddie Dear: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.
Howdy Pillar: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.
Barnaby Beagle: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.
Frank Frankly: What’s a henway??
Eddie Dear: Oh, about five pounds.
☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️
Eddie Dear: Say no to drugs.
Barnaby Beagle: Say yes to drugs.
Frank Frankly: It doesn't matter if you say yes or no to drugs. If you're talking to drugs.. then you're on drugs.
🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋
Barnaby Beagle: Look at the buns on that guy!
Eddie Dear: *lying on the floor, covered in hamburger buns*
Julie Joyful: This is the comedy police! The joke's too funny!
Barnaby Beagle: I'm not going back to jail!
🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁
Julie Joyful: I’m not so sure you’re stakeout material.
Wally Darling: I’m a chronic insomniac, I was born for this.
🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛
Barnaby Beagle, about to leave the house: Don’t spend all day painting and talking to yourself, okay?
Wally Darling: I FORGE MY OWN PATH!!
🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾
Howdy Pillar: Hello, I'm Howdy Pillar. I run a store now. Here to help. Look, they gave me a badge with my name on it in case I forget it. Very helpful, as that does happen.
✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️
Sally Starlet: New year, same me. Because I'm perfect.
🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀
Barnaby Beagle: Would you take a bullet for me?
Wally Darling: ...yes?
*Sally Starlet angrily burst into the room*
Barnaby Beagle: *running away* Great, thanks!
🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎
Wally Darling: State your name, species, and intention.
Julie Joyful: Julie, rainbow monster, fun.
☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️
Barnaby Beagle: Small creatures are much more vicious because they have a smaller body to bottle up all their emotions.
Frank Frankly: Ridiculous. Give me some examples.
Eddie Dear: Wasps?
Howdy Pillar: Terriers?
Barnaby Beagle: Wally.
🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋
Poppy Partridge: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.
Frank Frankly: I would say infinitesimally.
Wally Darling: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words.
🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁
Wally Darling: PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT UPSEXY IS!
Barnaby Beagle: Could you rephrase the question, in like, two words maybe?
🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛
*Julie Joyful falls over*
Barnaby Beagle: Julie! Are you alright?
Julie Joyful: Is that you, God?
Barnaby Beagle: What?
Julie Joyful: It's just, you sound a lot more like Barnaby than I expected.
🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾
Sally Starlet: Hey, Barnaby? Can I get some dating advice?
Barnaby Beagle: Just because I'm with Wally doesn't mean I know how I did it.
✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️
Wally Darling: Where’s Sally?
Barnaby Beagle: Doing stuff.
Wally Darling: I don’t like the sound of that. Where’s Poppy?
Barnaby Beagle: Trying to stop Sally from doing the stuff.
Wally Darling: And Eddie?
Barnaby Beagle: Trying to stop Poppy from stopping Sally from doing the stuff.
Wally Darling: I see. And what are you doing here, Barnaby?
Barnaby Beagle: I’m supposed to stop you from stopping Eddie from stopping Poppy from stopping Sally from doing the stuff.
🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀
Frank Frankly: I’ll be famous one day, but for now I’m stuck in this neighborhood with a bunch of morons.
🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎
Eddie Dear: Julie, what do you have?
Julie Joyful: A KNIFE!
Eddie Dear: Okay, have fu-
Frank Frankly: NO!
☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️
Barnaby Beagle: Did you know you remind me of all 26 letters of the alphabet?
Wally Darling: What? Like J F K W S Q X-
Barnaby Beagle: No, like, U R A Q T.
Wally Darling: Awwww!
🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋
Sally Starlet: That’s the key slice of truth we need to complete the entire truth pie.
Julie Joyful: Ooh, can we get some actual pie?
Sally Starlet: I like the way you think.
🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁
Frank Frankly: Do you want to be the Sun in my life?
Wally Darling: Yes.
Frank Frankly: Good, then stay 92,935,700 miles away from me :-)
🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛
Eddie Dear: I’ve become a bread crumb dealer to four crows at the lake. They pay me with a bit of everything. Like shiny things, fabric, or pens. But recently they paid me with a 20 dollar bill they found somewhere. So I decided to buy them some more expensive bread. They loved it. So they understand what to do. Give me money. I’ve probably racked up about 200 dollars at this point. Is it morally wrong though, I mean. They’re the ones who steal the money from others. Or perhaps they just have a big pile laying somewhere. Should I keep on doing this?
Frank Frankly: You sound like the start of a Batman villain.
🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾
Frank Frankly: I wanna die.
Wally Darling: We all do, you aren't special!
✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️
Wally Darling: The ritual. To preform it requires a sacrifice.
Barnaby Beagle: Sacrifice? I nominate Frank.
Frank Frankly: Wait, what?
Barnaby Beagle: Because you're little, you'll fit on a barbecue.
Frank Frankly: I'm 5'9, it's like average height in most of the world!
Wally Darling: Its not that kind of of sacrifice guys!
🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀
Wally: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized.
Barnaby: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely*
Wally: That one. I want that one.
🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎
Wally: My hands are cold.
Barnaby: Here, let me hold them.
Wally: My lips are cold too.
Barnaby: *covers Wally's mouth with his hand*
☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️
Eddie: Uhh…Sally just asked if we want to…
Eddie: “Fell the mighty before their time and display their carcasses in our homes?”
Howdy, not even looking up from his phone: she’s asking if you wanna cut down Christmas Trees.
Eddie: Oh, that makes more sense.
🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋
Eddie: One time I went to hand Barnaby a bowl of soup. I wanted to say “Careful, it’s hot!”, and “Here’s your soup!”, so instead I blurted out “Careful it’s soup.”
🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁🧁
Jullie: What is the one thing I told you not to do?
Sally: Burn the house down.
Jullie: And what did you do?
Sally: I made dinner.
Jullie:
Sally:
Jullie:
Sally: And burnt the house down.
🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛🐛
Eddie: You know, it’s fine to admit you were wrong.
Frank: *Sipping their drink after accidentally adding salt* I just like the way it tastes.
🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾
Howdy: What are you getting Barnaby for the holidays?
Wally: I don't know. It's kind of hard buying a gift for your partner when they already got everything they could've ever wanted when they married you. So I'm not sure yet.
Frank: I'm getting Barnaby a divorce lawyer.
✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️✉️
Eddie: Why doesn’t Frank find me sexy when I bite my lip?
Poppy: What do you look like when you bite your lip?
Eddie: *bites lip*
Poppy: ...Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead?
🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀🎀
Poppy: A butterfly! Hey, little guy, gal or nonbinary pal!
Eddie: Can a butterfly be nonbinary?
Poppy: I mean, maybe? I don't judge.
Frank, staring dreamily out of the window: Ah, have you ever imagine having butterfly wings? Then-
Howdy: Then it would be inconvenient as fuck. Your wings would smack every doorframe and your clothes would have to have holes in the back.
Sally: Also, your wing's paper thin, so even a six year old aimed a NERF gun at it would... Yeah...
Wally: *sips coffee* According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a-
Frank: No, nononono. You fuckers have already shattered my dream, you don't get the fucking privilege to make that reference.
Eddie: Also, it's about a butterfly, not a bee... Why would you make that reference?
Poppy: You clearly have not lived with them long enough.
🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎
#barnaby b beagle#wally x barnaby#frank x eddie#wally darling#eddie dear#frank frankly#poppy partridge#sally starlight#julie joyful#sally x julie#lgbtqia#welcome home#welcome home arg#incorrect quotes
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
...saw a post saying that we should use poetic/descriptive ship names more, and you know what, why not. let's try making some for my own ships and maybe finally establishing their ship tags in the process
(note: I'm going to be referring to a specific type of ship names as "BG3-like". I know the BG3 fandom probably didn't invent those but that's where I know them from and that's what the post was referencing, so that's the name they get)
Pillars of Eternity
Edér x Selene - I saw "tide and shore" on that character dynamics poll and I don't think I can come up with anything that beats that.
Aloth x Lorenzo - honestly not sure. The best ones I have are "mirror image" (because their dynamic is about The Parallels and also, wizard reference) and a BG3-like "spellsong" (because. wizard and chanter) but I'm not too attached to either of those. More research required.
Dragon Age
Zevran x Kyana Amell - my absolute first thought was "ill omen" because. uh. he's a Crow. and she's ominous. and if you're not from their friend circle seeing them together is probably a sign of bad luck for you, specifically. I could go BG3-like and call them "crowtower", which sounds pretty metal, but a little less personal to me. (I like the name combination method for them better though, "Zevkya" just sounds cute)
Sera x Evelyn Trevelyan - "lightning in a bottle" (Evelyn is a lightning-specced mage; Sera is a Tempest; both have a chaotic streak that feels less like a problem and more like fun when they're together). this one was kind of a stroke of genuis tbh.
Dorian x Neilar Lavellan - "water and wine". this one has layers. the first layer is Dorian being used to Comfort and Civilization and Neil being a Chronically Outside type. the second layer is the religious/miraculous imagery. the third layer is kind of mean because it references their worst moments (Dorian trying to drink away his problems - wine; Neilar losing control to the Well of Sorrows - water), but no one said that the ship names had to be nice. or did we all forget "ill omen" just a few seconds ago
Blackwall(Thom Rainier) x May Cadash - god, I really want to come up with something that would reference the "white king, black pawns" line from Leverage, just for the timeline where she becomes a righteous mob boss. "white queen, black knight"? "black queen, white knight"? kind of a mouthful but the reference is worth it in my book.
...I don't know how to end this post. I'm putting it in the main tags so. uh. reblog with your own poetic ship names and their explanations? I'd read that. it's pretty fun to make these, actually. also if anyone has suggestions for a ship name for Aloth and a death godlike chanter, send help
#herearedragons meta#dragon age#pillars of eternity#I've alternated between reading and writing fic all day and this was a pretty fun way to wind down#oc: watcher selene#oc: watcher lorenzo#oc: kyana amell#oc: evelyn trevelyan#oc: neilar lavellan#oc: may cadash#edérene tag#sure I'll tag this as zevkya#alorenzo tag#neilrian
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
I say this all the time but conservatives and transphobes and the like are literally the only people who have the whole "But what if-" problems with pronouns.
"Oh so if someone wants me to call them 'god' i just have to call them that?" name ONE person who has asked you to call them god. I know a lot of people, I've seen a lot more people than I've met, I'm chronically online for christs sake. I have yet to meet or see one person who does that. And the fact that so many of them use strawman arguments like this all the time means that we have to point it out all the time. It gets to the point where "Strawman" loses it's meaning and the conservatives don't take it literally anymore, they forget why we keep calling it that. Because that's what it is.
I tried explaining to my mother about pronouns once, which was difficult for sure because she's one of those "Keep an open mind! Not me though, I'll never consider your side of the argument because Ben Shapiro told me that's what liberals do" types of conservatives. Anyway, she pulls out the whole "So what, if some random person at a convenience store happens to want to be called 'master' all the time, I have to just call them that?" and like...mother...no. You don't know that person so 1, you're not going to interact with them 2, you can just walk away if you don't like it 3, nobody has that as their neopronoun and if they do i guarantee you they don't force it onto randoms at the store because they know just as well as you should that you two are never going to meet again!
Anyway, back on topic, terfs and conservatives also like to call us "Obsessed" because we want to explain simple fucking 3rd grader concepts to legal adults rather than leave them blind. WE'RE obsessed, apparently. Yeah, I've never seen anyone more obsessed with anything than Conservatives / Terfs are obsessed with trans people and pronouns. Genuinely. I have multiple autistic friends, my sibling is also autistic. They all have their interests and obsession, hyperfixations, the like. For my sibling, it's tanks. They've L O V E D tanks and tank related things their whole life! They have like over 3000 hours on War Thunder purely because they like the tanks. They've spent hundreds of dollars on tank figurines and....well, you get the point. But you know what they haven't done? Start a podcast about how much they like tanks, while talking about them 24/7. They aren't going on the internet to rant about tanks, or going up to random people and saying "Well clearly you don't know how tanks work" when tanks weren't part of the conversations. They don't randomly insult someone else or insinuate that the person is inferior because of their lack of tank info. They don't vote for people purely because the person likes tanks. They LOVE tanks, but they're not an asshole and they're not stupid. You know who DOES do all those things? Conservatives and terfs. Just replace "Tanks" with "Trans people". I haven't heard a single Ben Shapiro episode (I hear a lot of them, my parents are binge-listeners) that didn't mention trans people. That man is a walking Cognito hazard because he makes my brain rot with how much he talks about trans people. I'm literally trans and i don't even talk about it that much.
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
I dunno, honestly, the whole bullshit with disorder-abuse makes even less sense when you start to branch out more.
Myself and quite a few of my family members suffer from ADHD. I have it really, really bad.
Listen, I could spend hours breaking down the specific ADHD traits that made those adults in my life manipulate and at least borderline abuse me. The amounts of breakdowns I have had that I can link specifically to many different traits of those adults' ADHD symptoms is astronomical.
Even myself, like. I struggle every day to keep my ADHD, especially, from "winning." It makes me neglectful, it makes me forgetful, it makes me ungodly sensitive sometimes, and it makes me chronically awful with so many basic functions that lead to a power imbalance in a relationship.
But... "ADHD abuse" isn't a thing.
No one's talking about parents with untreated RSD lashing out at their kids for being 'too negative' (even though it happens). No one talks about executive dysfunction blocking people off from doing the things they said they were going to. No one is leaping to talk about how ADHD memory gaps can lead to intentional or unintentional gaslighting (like actually legitamate gaslighting, not just lying, like "You must be crazy I never said that," repeated over and over kind of gaslighting). Hyperfixations and similar obsessions can be detrimental!! And sometimes, when directed at a person, just as dehumanizing as NPD traits can.
No one jumps to talk about how untreated ADHD can lead to severe depression, anxiety, mood swings, up to and inclusing dissociation. How difficult it is to be around people with untreated or treatment resistent ADHD. How unintentionally abusive some of those traits can make people.
ADHD has its own little form of ableism where people treat it like the "kids who can't sit still disorder," when homie I am sitting so still my head is in the clouds and I can't see anything in front of me.
But generally people who aren't blindly ableist understand and acknowledge that ADHD isn't something that people chose and it exists on an incredibly vast spectrum. So many kids with ADHD grew up punished by their parents who even had ADHD themselves, and yet there's no mass dehumanization of people with ADHD to paint them all as abusers. People with ADHD can be incredibly neglectful to their friends or coworkers, people with ADHD can be incredibly neglectful towards their romantic partners; people with ADHD have to self police their own actions and responses to make sure they're not stepping over that little abusive line.
Having ANY form of neurodivergency, especially the ones that blur or alter your perception of reality, gives you a little boost towards the "bad" side of interacting with a power imbalance, but guess what? A shit ton of neurotypical people don't even need that little push to be complete fucking assholes!
ADHD abuse doesn't exist. Why the fuck would you think Personality Disorder abuse exists? (Much fucking less if "anyone can be a PD abuser," then it's just acknowledging an abusive pattern that has nothing to do with the name of a legally diagnoseable disorder and you're still just an asshole).
If you think this post is dragging ADHD as a scary/abusive disorder, go touch grass. Read a book. Tell me why you think the curtains are blue.
#ADHD :handshake: NPD#misleading ass names that lead to a lot of intentional and unitentional ableism#abuse is abuse#no one is inherently abusive#certaintly not for a personality disorder often caused by trauma
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
shmupdate 🧦
very long, hastily written, but a look is appreciated
greetings- to those who are somehow still lingering around this account or came up upon it during my desolate time off. it is sock. or sockori.... or raven... my name is actually raven (they/it, 20 yo disabled autistic goth nerd whatever the fuck). howdy
im still on the 'undetermined hiatus' so to speak that i described in my leaving post, but i will say right now that i have no near future plans on returning. in the tags on my newest art, i mentioned my naruto hyperfixation (of like. 6 years i think) finally died out and other interests have long since captured my autism full force. for me personally, when i lose a special interest like this so drastically, i just full on abandon it for as long as it stands. however, this isn't the only thing that made me leave, and i think its time for me to be completely honest & get some weight off my chest.
i made this account around the cusp of turning 14, during a god awful pubescent era where i acted as any other edgy teen does and i'd much rather like to forget these days. what im saying is i was not in the right mindset at all when i exposed myself that much & got the attention that i did. a dismayingly giant coping mechanism i had in my youth was being online 24/7 because i had no one in reality to lean on let alone feel comfortable talking to about anything that was happening at that time. this of course leads to what the kids call these days being 'chronically online'- desperate for some sort of assurance or interaction, i crawled into internet spaces i shouldn't have been for an also incredibly unsupervised child using the dangerous worldwide web.
yes, naruto was apart of this, as well as other interests i had at the time. throughout my journey i met unsavory people, suffered abhorrent things like stalking & gr---ming, saw things i didn't deserve to see, did a bunch of stupid shit an angsty teen does, i believe you understand the rest. i am in no way proud or gleeful about any of these years and have some very sour memories tied to fandom as a whole, not just naruto, and i really don't like reflecting on them. so, unfortunately, this account sorta became a bitter reminder of what i went through as i grew up & finally matured and sought to recover. that's the first part of why my activity fizzled away & i began backing off from internet use entirely.
the second part is sasori. yes, the puppet man. sorta the sole reason i made sockori in the first place. as the sasori enjoyers following / who followed know, this puppeteer has an incredibly unhealthy philosophy and worldview (if the carefully preserved corpses turned puppets and complete lack of humanity didn't give that away), and is safe to say entirely detached from his reality to a nhilistic and suicidal extent. when you autistically fixate on a character like how i did, sometimes this character's rhetoric can seep into your own without you even realizing; Especially when you're a spot where you are incredibly vulnerable and psychologically unstable, as i was in my youth. now i didn't go around believing you should uhhh murder people and preserve them Obviously- actually i began to believe that perhaps there was some peace in obtaining a robotic existence. maybe emotions were useless, perhaps nothing truly mattered, my life didn't matter, art in eternal in the sense that death is scary and i should avoid it at all costs, why make connections with people when they just die or leave, cant trust people at all to help me, xyz. anything in these lines. without going too uncomfortably deep for everyone's sake and mine, it fucked me up severely. i suppose in a way it relates to how he uses poison. his toxins got right into my nervous system, but the pain i felt from those toxins was the only thing i could really rely on at the time, so i just let it happen. such is the depressing case of coping in the worst spot of your life.
cant help but feel incredibly strange telling the tale, as it sounds so obscure doesn't it, but media can truly get inside your psyche like this if a consumer isn't careful. not sure if anyone else out there fell into a similar headspace dealing with interests in this nature- but regardless. what i mean to say is, sasori is now a kind of content i cant consume anymore. i am in a way better place now, have grown wise and balanced with careful recovery and patience, and of course have grown out of whatever teenage nonsense i was on. sasori, who was once the only thing my autistic traumatized ass could lean on, is now an extremely dark shadow on my life. yes i see this homicidal anime puppet dude from a fantasy ninja anime and get psychological distress. he's somewhat of an aggressor or abuser to me now, which is tragic. ive been actively avoiding everything even vaguely relating to him, be it the art of puppetry, anime clips, robotic/sci-fi genre, whatnot cause i just. man. i dont wanna go back there. shouldn't have to explain why at this point. ptsd at its finest
feel like ive been honest enough. sasori enjoyers out there who were just around to enjoy what i made, anyone i happened to be good friends with during my time on this account, this doesn't have anything to do with you guys. i appreciate everyone dearly for supporting me and cheering me on in whatever i made despite all the hell & anguish that was taking place beyond the keyboard. im just glad that i managed to find some way out and get the help i need before i gave up & took my own life, which depressingly i almost did a handful of times. carrying the horrors is an exhausting burden to bare sometimes, but that does not mean i can't look back on the good parts of the era too. and seeing you all happy and sharing my memes or whatever made me ecstatic and at least a little bit hopeful for the future. fortunately that little spark of hope grew into something more. thanks for being a light in a very, very dark room.
that being said, i leave you all with this: i am not dead, just greatly changed, a new person at last freed from apathy & exhaustion, with now enough room to finally grow. the memories will never truly fade & my disabilities will be a part of me until i pass on, but at least now i can manage them a lot better than ever before, surrounded by way better people who love me for who i am. i will hang on the best i can. i wish for you to do the same. find freedom and happiness wherever you are. take care. happy trails
trans rights. i eat fascist souls. free palestine
17 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi Nova! I was thinking if you could write a captain × head engineer mark where captain has been overworking themselves yk not eating and sleeping the usual angsty stuff and they pass out and mark eaither finds them or catches them and panics at first and tries to wake em up but then takes them to medbay stuff
Oh ho, the angst! Also don't catch me forgetting to eat and sleep like the chronically ill mess I am too I swear I'm trying
Mark was getting...worried.
That is to say, that despite their new, barely there relationship, the Captain was...distant. This wasn't anything terribly new, what with them both struggling to still process the events of everything after all, and then starting this relationship but also trying to keep it quiet just in case, because there was a whole mess of trouble about power imbalances and relationships and hierarchy--
If it wasn't for the fact that he knew that you loved him despite everything that happened, he'd think you were avoiding him.
Well, you weren't.
Maybe you were busy and he just hadn't seen you that much? Maybe you were just working opposite shifts? But he saw you often enough, constantly trekking through the ship to make sure that everything was in order, nothing was an emergency. That made him worry a little about how much you were working, but...that should be fine, right? Since the first scouts down planetside, since that final morning in the cryopods (and if he never had to wake up in a damn cryopod again, he would cry tears of joy), you were everywhere, working hard. The two of you had taken just a few stolen moments to really understand what you wanted from each other, and then...
Mark was just worried.
At least today he actually saw you as you paused in the Bridge. The daytime crew was heading off to dinner, a brief break of roughly an hour before the night shift started. Your hands curled around the edges of the main console, bracing yourself. Mark frowned, reaching a hand out, gently placing it between your shoulder blades.
"Captain? You don't look so hot."
"Wow, thanks."
His frown deepened, leaning in to whisper your name. "You're really pale. And you're...you're trembling. Are you sick?"
"No, no I'm fine..." The words slurred out of your mouth, and it was only because of his close proximity that Mark caught you before your face hit the console.
"Captain? Captain?!" Without another thought, Mark scooped you into his arms, holding you tight to his chest as he all but ran through the halls to the medbay.
-----
Everyone knew how close he was to the captain. Whatever form that understanding took, there was no question from any staff that he would be by your bedside. Mark held your hand in both of his, his thumb brushing over the back of it.
How had he not noticed? Or was he so caught up in the idea that you would avoid him rather than you had fallen prey to the very thing you had been trying to stop him from doing.
Before it all, the Captain was one of the strongest proponents for regular mealtimes and sleep, regardless of when they happened. If you didn't eat or rest, how were you expected to excel in your sector of the ship? That was something you had drilled into him, keeping his own mind from devouring itself with blame and guilt.
According to the doctors, you hadn't had a goodnight's rest in likely months now, and you hadn't done more than eat maybe a quick snack once or twice a day.
"Why. Just...Why?"
"I...I couldn't stop thinking about..." You swallowed, unable to look at him. "I couldn't stop thinking about how I failed everyone. How I couldn't do enough. Every time I sat down to eat, I just...couldn't. What if something happened. I couldn't sleep, just...plagued with so many thoughts about what would go wrong. So...I just...didn't."
"Don't do that again. Please." He pressed his lips to your hand, looking up at you with tears in his eyes. "It's not just the two of us any more. We have the whole crew, we...we don't have to bear that responsibility alone. If...if things get too much, don't try to do it by yourself. I'm here for you, I should be helping you with this."
"You...you're right. I'm sorry. I promised you I wouldn't do this."
"It's alright. You've pulled me back from my lowest point before. It's my turn to help you."
"I love you too."
#askbox and you shall receive#my writing#captaineer#head engineer x captain#space sweetheart#in space with markiplier#iswm#iswm the captain#head engineer#head engineer mark#engineer mark
62 notes
·
View notes
Text
okay, this is partial mass catch-up of tag games over the past three weeks 😘💖💖💖
tagged by @blue-eyed-cutiepatootie and @moonlayl
name: jess
star sign: virgo
height: 5′3"
time: 12:21 am mountain time as i start to type
birthday: september 13
favorite bands/artists: this is always one of the hardest things for me to answer because i love so many...but on the constant and current list: taylor swift, harry styles, niall horan, (i mean...1D by default since 2019 i'm not sorry, they became a very real source of joy at a time when i was desperately sad and have remained so), fall out boy, fleetwood mac, lord huron, florence + the machine, frank sinatra, barbra streisand, ella fitzgerald, sara bareilles, gabrielle aplin, lady gaga, sasha sloan, lizzy mcalpine (she's new to me but i'm saying her considering i've listened to her so often lately), idk an infinite number of artists i'm forgetting...i love music.
last movie: oh gosh. it might've been tick tick boom, i've barely watched movies lately!
last show: only murders in the building
when did i create this blog: november 2020, but i've been around tumblr since 2011-ish!
what i post: LOL. sweethearts, my little chili babies, you have seen this blog. i post...anything that catches my fancy. all my favorite things. i post a lot. i need help.
last thing i googled: "bald cartoon villain" @arthurwilde knows why 😂
other blogs: all my previous three blogs still exist and i periodically login to them to try and keep them from being deactivated, but i'm not actually on them anymore (i've thought many times about going back to or reclaiming @saferincages because i still think of this blog as temporary and that blog as home, but it feels wrong to do it somehow)
do i get asks?: i do and i appreciate them!
following: 170
average hours of sleep: uh. unfortunately i have no such thing because cfs/me is a curse upon my existence
instruments: sadly no
what i'm wearing: pink floral bambi pajamas
dream job: so i used to dream of being a voice actor (or singing voice) because i thought it would be so fun to embody characters and be able to pursue my passion for music without some of the stage fright that accompanies it when you're live in front of an audience, but in a more realistic realm i really would have loved to do something with music therapy to combine the passionate part of it with being able to help people.
dream trip: the south of france (it will never happen, ya girl is housebound)
nationality: american
favorite songs: how on earth am i supposed to answer this, it's impossible ;___;
last book i've read: the not so chosen one by kate emery
top 3 fictional universes i’d like to live in: rivendell from lotr, naboo from star wars (except not during the empire), whatever world they live in in the nightmare before christmas where i can walk between halloweentown and christmas land whenever i please 🎃🎄
besties this is only 23 questions and it said it was 30, i don't know where the other seven disappeared to!
***
tagged by @newromanticstv
a couple of these were the same as the above, so i only left the non-repeats!
relationship status: spinster
favourite colour: dusty rose pink
song stuck in my head: doomsday by lizzy mcalpine
something i want: to not be so terrified and worried every day? laughing/crying
***
tagged by @rogerhealey
fave color: since i already said my pink, let's add periwinkle blue!
currently reading: the baby-sitter's coven, next is don't tell a soul
latest song: the game of love by santana ft. michelle branch
latest series: better call saul (rewatch and S6), breaking bad (selective rewatch), bates motel, omitb, i need to catch up with what we do in the shadows (@rogerhealy i love that your list was all classics)
latest movie: if it wasn't the aforementioned tick tick boom, it was spiderman no way home, andrew garfield supremacy
sweet | spicy | savory (have to be careful with spice bc chronic illness issues)
currently working on: nothing planned!
***
tagged by: @endlesslydeath
post my top 5 tracks rn!
as i said, music questions are so difficult for me because i'm too emotional and attached! and if this is by current top plays i don't actually know lol, but i'm going to say on most frequent rotation lately are - satellite by harry styles, all my ghosts by lizzy mcalpine, my love by florence + the machine, johhny can't decide from the tick tick boom soundtrack, this love (taylor's version) by taylor swift
***
i am not tagging anyone to do these since it's several haphazardly mashed together, but as ever, you're welcome to take any of them and tag me so that i can see! <333 🥰
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
That last post did a really good job of outlining the core symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder, but did you know that OCD can also sometimes cause cognitive impairments? I didn't for a really long time and definitely suffered for thinking that I just sucked at certain things for no reason. Here's a list of ways that OCD can potentially make your brain work bad, taken from sources found on the Wikipedia page for OCD:
Cognitive inflexibility. There is a lot that goes into this one. It can mean struggling to get your brain to switch tracks when asked to do a different task or to do the same task in a different way. It can mean you adapt poorly or slowly to new situations which demand changes in your thinking and/or routine. It can mean you have a hard time keeping in mind multiple aspects of something simultaneously (e.g.: you need to perform a task quickly and quietly, but you keep doing one and forgetting the other).
Executive dysfunction. We know this one, right, Tumblr? Can be generalized as having difficulty getting yourself to do things, even when you want to/know you really need to. A cause of chronic procrastination. Example: You have an assignment due for school or work in a few hours, you're screaming at yourself internally to go do it, but you're instead just lying on the floor staring at the ceiling.
Poor cognitive inhibition. This means that your brain doesn't do a good job of screening out irrelevant information. You get lost in the weeds a lot. You may find yourself easily distracted, overwhelmed, or overstimulated. Your reaction times may be poor because you need an extra moment to sort through all of the information in front of you and determine if you need to respond, what you need to respond to, and how. Goes hand-in-hand with the next potential cognitive impairment.
Slower mental processing speed. Your brain takes longer to absorb and make sense of information. One of the clearest indicators of this is if you always struggle to keep up with notetaking during lessons/presentations; you're consistently the only person in the room who has to ask the instructor/presenter to slow down.
Weaker fluency. This is one I admittedly don't understand too well. It's tested by asking a person to name as many things that they can think of within a certain category (e.g. fruits or words that start with "ch") and within a time limit. If you have poor fluency, you don't recall and name as many things within the time limit as most people do.
Weaker spacial memory. You struggle with remembering the layout of locations/where things are in relation to each other. Very easy for you to get lost or to lose things. Example: You've lived in your town for years and yet you still need GPS to help you navigate to places you've been to repeatedly.
Weaker verbal memory. You struggle to remember spoken words, to the degree that it's extremely unlikely you could repeat word for word what someone said later. When you hear about people doing this in stories, you may think that's completely made up because surely that kind of recall just isn't possible, right?
I am not a neuroscientist and so may not have explained everything here exactly right. This may not be a complete list of potential OCD cognitive impairments. Not everything on this list is an exclusive symptom of OCD (there are quite a few that are shared with ADHD and autism!). And of course just because someone has OCD, does not mean that they have all or even any of these cognitive impairments.
6 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
hargarumputstadion1
Beli Rumput Stadion
sonderonpluto
360
monsieurlabette
monsieur labette
jms7047
Come as you are
devopscourseinhyderabadsite
DevOps Training in Hyderabad