Shoutout to those whose burnout never felt like a controlled bush fire, but felt as a forest fire consuming everything in its path. To those whose burnout didn't blossom into new life on the forest floors, but whose burnout has only left charred bark and silence in its wake. There's nothing wrong with you. Burnout can feel like a wound sometimes, a secret you keep to yourself out of shame. Your forest is not ruined. The fire wasn't your fault. If something will start to blossom in that forest, it will take time. It will be small. But it will be life.

Reaction to Ep 460

SPOILERS ALERT

Well it turns out that all the forgiveness from Heather (Hyeeun)'s mom was pried almost from her cold dead hands and Sally (Serim) had to beg and beg...

I wish Heather's mom was better written than this or something instead of being made to change her mind in the span of hours. The only thing that I'm happy about her characterization is her sympathy for Olly (Ochun) whose parents didn't even mourn him properly.

Anyway I wish Hudson (Hyunseong) knew that Eli (Jang Hyun) saved his life (and Jibeom's) from whatever monster this is. I bet when Hudson meets Eli again he'll just attack Eli blindly (unless maybe Vasco saves time by explaining stuff). And yeah if Eli makes it (idk really).

Anyway I think Park Taejoon heard the readers' complaint that Logan (Taesang) was let go too easily and Daniel (Hyungseok) behaved a bit ooc when he called Logan "pig".

So PTJ had them meet again (I can already sense the upcoming complaints from international fans regarding the repetition) but Daniel treats Logan level-headedly this time, with the added bonus of some copy of Kwak Jichang's techniques. Yes, THE Kwak Jichang whose death I'm still grieving for.

Also finally Vin (Hobin)'s and Jay (Jayeol)'s brawl time against Ji Changyong and Lee Dosoo. Finally! It's been 80,000 years.

I hope the next chapters will move as fast and as efficiently as readers hope for. At least now four characters will move together instead of duel separarately. It's sad to read the complaints (which I know readers have the perfect rights to make) when contrasted against PTJ's bizarrely busy life (which reminds me of my own burnout).

YOUNG ROYALS 3 SPOLIERS MY PERSONAL OPINON!!!

Episode 1

Besides Simon's pretty girl entrance, the Queen (and the duke but tbh i completely forgot about him) not giving a flying fuck about August an adult recording her underage son having sex is just outrageous and the core of his ugliness and the blackmailing of it all makes it 10x worse. August I will never forgive him unless he throws himself in jail.

The obvious homophobia and uncomfortableness with the other court speakers (who the fuck is even was that guy) is just not ever going to make a difference in how Simon and Whilhelm feel about each other.

They are already out in the world as a gay couple. The court is so stupid trying to even get them to quiet down. They're here, (and queer) get over it and learn how the situation is never going to go back.

Simon's mom already mentioned in front of Whilhem the start of her and her son's harassment and boy didn't SAY ANYTHING. Burnt PRIDE FLAGS and hate letters should have already been a sign to help them out with security and surveillance.

Also, the court's lack of communication with Simon is something that was a constant annoyance. I don't know how they do it in Sweden but I was expecting the whole RWARB situation where they take strict actions to shut the gay boys up. (I'm not saying I want it but let's be honest that's the most realistic action)

Also, the whole Queen being mentally unstable situation is just so broad and intense that I am so confused. Is she experiencing grief again, depression, or is she physically ill, like I know we don't always need labels but I need one because trust me I know what a mother in grief looks like but she hardly gave Whilehem time to grieve at all.

And speaking of Erik being a big part of this season after hardly being mentioned in the second season (correct me if I'm wrong) is both good but damn it feels so late.

About Sara's whole burnout is sympathetic she tried to talk to Simon and he doesn't want to that's on him. I also don't believe that Simon should have said "All of this is your fault." The drugs were on you and not paying attention to the "paying part" of that tutoring lesson. Yes August should of paid you but you bro how bout don't sell your sisters drug.

Also, him blaming Sara instead of August pisses me off, and they hardly even speak this season which pisses me more off.

Now the show has been hinting about August's eating disorder from time to time to extensive exercising and body checks. But they did that one scene in a future episode that we all know about i know this is going off the episode but that's it. We don't get anything else and theirs a big ass chance he won’t get help which is sad. I'm seeing a lot of people praise that scene but it was one scene and it was laughed at (not the show or the characters but still is was brushed off.

Simon turn off your fucking notifications. It's harder for Simon cause he's not used to it but girl make your Instagram private and have some social media common sense about awareness and the inevitable hate. The hate coming threw your mail box is uncontrollable but the one app you use is.

Sara going back to her dad's would have been interesting if we already didn't know he was an alcoholic and constantly lets people down. It was kinda obvious the rise of high she felt and his eventual downfall.

The cunty principle just reminded me of s3 of sex education. A bit cliche.

That's it for now this was mostly for me but interact with it if you'd like.

Grey's Anatomy: Should I Stay or Should I Go (18x16)

Oh man, lots of sadness in this episode! Jeez.

Cons:

I love me some good angst, but honestly I feel like Levi is being a tad unreasonable? He did in fact break up with Nico. Yes, he was going through trauma, and yes, I'm sure Nico realizes that the circumstances are extreme. But I'm sorry, if someone says "we're over, leave me alone," is Nico really such a monster for listening to him? I hope we get some satisfactory resolution for these two. I like the drama, but I don't know that Nico really did anything wrong! I feel so bad for him.

I felt like the unifying theme of this episode, this idea of burnout, was sort of weakly used... it was basically just Bailey being worn out, and then taking vacation days, and Catherine being grumpy about it. Considering how much Catherine annoys me as a character, there just wasn't all that much to grab onto here.

Richard and Bailey are both acting like little whiny baby schoolchildren about Meredith. Especially Richard, like, what the fuck. If someone you care about gets a job opportunity that they're excited about, you're allowed to be sad that they're leaving, you're allowed to express that sadness, even, but to act all entitled like you're owed their career or something? No! Gross! I was glad Meredith stuck to her guns. It's odd, because now I sort of want Meredith to go to Minnesota, just because Richard is being so unreasonable about it. 

But also... Nick is still as boring as drying paint, and I don't care about his plan to stay in Seattle to get to know Meredith better. He can run away now, please.

Oh, goodness, Link being all weird about Jo's new boyfriend... and we're being told that this nice guy is too nice for Jo and that she's trying really hard to like him... ugh, put me out of my misery with this whole Jo and Link thing. A best friends to lovers story can be great, but this one is super not compelling to me.

Pros:

That was a lot of cons, but I actually felt pretty positively about this episode overall.

For all that Richard is being a childish baby in my opinion, I did like the way Meredith behaved herself for the majority of the episode, then had her outburst at the end. She really did take the high road here, which I appreciate. She's grown up a lot, and her teachers still see her as a young screwup sometimes. Addison didn't have a ton to do in this episode, but I liked that she was the voice of reason who cut through Richard and Meredith's squabbling in a time of serious loss.

And the woman who lost her pregnancy, that she'd fought so hard for... that was so rough! I'm used to feeling more of an impending sense of dread when a patient is going to suffer or die on this show, and I wasn't prepared for Addison's arrival to have such a sad conclusion. Levi sitting with the grieving woman in prayer was a lovely touch, though. You can see how Levi is handling his own recovery with care. He's such a lovely character.

Once again, I'm in the strange position of putting an Owen and Teddy subplot in the "pros" section of my reviews... it seems that it's quite possible that Leo is trans, given that this little child is continually dressing as and even referring to themself as a girl. Owen and Teddy continue to use he/him pronouns when discussing this, which makes a certain amount of sense. Owen seems a lot more ready to just roll with it, listen to what Leo is saying and treat this young child accordingly. Teddy is worried about getting something wrong, which also seems highly relatable! In the moment she shuts Leo down and says "no, you're a boy", but later she expresses her regret for this. She just doesn't want to make a mistake in handling things, and worries about the potential confusion and pain. I like that we're getting to see this play out, and I'm proud of Owen for his way of handling the situation.

I also liked the story with Winston and his troublesome little brother. Some good tension there, some good awkwardness as Maggie and Winston both try and put a good face on it and make things work, but it turns out that Winston's brother is in some hot water, and it sounds like not for the first time. I like opportunities to delve more into Winton's character. He seems like a really good person, but I still don't feel like I know him all that well, compared to some other characters who might be more recent, but feel a bit more developed.

Looks like Jo is going to stay in her residency program and work as a general surgeon to help Bailey out, with Link's help looking after Luna while that's happening. It remains to be seen what this will do to her, seems like a crazy workload to me!

The big looming threat of the season is still there, that of the residency program being on probation. I loved Addison speaking her truth to Richard: of course she didn't complain about her own residency back in the day. Complaining wasn't presented as a real option. But it is unreasonable, and it does cause a lot of harm to people, the way doctors are forced to train.

So there you have it. There are enough plot threads that I feel invested in, mostly the fate of the hospital, little Leo's gender journey (lol), and Levi and Nico's fractured romance! We'll see where it all goes.

8/10

I'm in part 2 of my mental breakdown. Read if you want. Skip if you don't.

Tw: suicidal idiation

I've been at home a lot over the last few months, makes sense since I'm quite possibly in burnout. But I'm not actually sure what's going on, I Just know I'm not stable enough to function properly. The last two weeks have actually been the most stable I've been in months, but that definitely ended today. I'm ill. As you may have noticed from my previous posts. But I guess the illness has subsided enough that emotions are coming through again. I've been thinking about mr highschoolcrush a lot today. He's on my mind every day, but I usually don't pay it much attention. But today he's Just been lingering. I'm okay with grieving. However, I Just don't understand to what I owe the sheer disrespect this guy is treating me with. And part of me wants to text him and tear him a new one. But another part of me doesn't see the point. It's not going to change the situation. I used to not do it out of fear for fucking up any potential that was still there, current me Just thinks he doesn't deserve any acknowledgement. But if breaks my heart. That apparently that's the treatment I attract. It hurts. He's not the only one treating me badly. Mr silly walks, whom I went to visit about a month ago and slept with at that point isn't texting me either. And it feels ironic. He talked about how at emo meetings when he was younger, girls would sleep with him and then Just kind of disappear, not interested after all. He's doing the exact same thing to me. I'm considering texting him that. But again, I don't see the point. Mr birds is still in the picture, but only texts me when he wants to Come over and get high and drunk. He treats me decently well. But we never go anywhere and I don't think I've seen him sober more than 5 times and we've been seeing eachother almost weekly since april.

I feel so lonely. I Just want someone to hold me and tell me it'll be ok. I miss the support. The hugs. The feeling of safety. It aches and makes me want to end it all. And I won't, because that solves nothing. But I feel so sad, lonely and heartbroken that it's killing me.

Stupid thing is, I know what triggered all this. I've been texting a really cool guy for a week and I was supposed to go on a date with him tomorrow and I think he thinks I'm making it up. Because he too is a bad texter.

Fuck me I really really hate being alive.

I dont really know where to put this kind of thing. Its too personal to share publickly but i dont really feel comfortable with the intimacy of a group chat, dont want to talk things out, just want to vomit in a corner and clean it up later.

But its been about a year since one of my closest friends fell into a depression that has brought our friendship to a null state. Not the same thing as not being friends. Not malice or just our interests drifting apart or any of the usual reasons a friendship ends. Neither of us wanted it to end but that wasnt enough to hold it together. Not the ending of a song but the cd player lost battery.

I dont think they even realize i mourn them, maybe theyd find that annoying since theyre still alive, or maybe theyd understand, i dont know, but the grief is there. I grieve them as if they were dead. Something i would normally identify as absurd and ableist, but when they themself feel dead in a way that has been lasting, it just feels like acknowledging how things are instead of pretending it isnt there.

I go through phases of grief. Denial (this one lasted the longest) that a new distraction will pop up or something new will happen. Bargaining, that I can just be entertaining enough to put some life back into our friendship; had to pull myself away from this when I reached creative burnout; tried to do my usual kind of ambitious friendship-saving project, but it was for the person they were then, not who they are now. Anger, not with any focus, but just hoping, if I can get mad about the situation then I can magic up a closure scenario. Of course depression. I'm depressed right now.

I have never dealt with a situation like this before. My brain has no script. I'm either on terms with someone or I'm not. there's no space in my brain for, we are on terms but there's no words left and I barely recognize them anymore.

I wrote all of this out hoping it would make me feel any better. Not sure if i feel any better. All i can think about is that i want things to go back to the way they were. But they wont. And im sad.

Hey Sunny.........I am having a major burnout.....just full on academic frustration and I want to cry because I did my second and third exam for the sem finals so terribly. I have never ever written an exam this bad.....I was the topper of my class throughout 11th and 12th grade and now I feel like I am being stretched in all directions and I feel so fucking hopeless sometimes. Lots of things happened to me last year and well.....I wasn't given time to process....to grieve or mourn or just fucking cry out loud at all.......I am just feeling so fucking sad and I feel so dejected at myself. As much as I wanna ask for help, I feel weak because the culture that surrounds me bashes a person who dares to ask for help in the first place. I just want someone to hold me and let me cry until I just fall asleep from crying because God knows how long I have been just repressing all sadness in me just so I can be seen as the 'jovial' kid. I am so frustrated and mad at myself because I feel like I will never recover for whatever has happened to me and that I will never get to live my life the way I want......ya know be queer and free and live as such. Sorry for the rant, I just didn't know who to talk to.

- ❤️ anon

Hey bub 💕 first off, you have no reason to apologize. I always love when you show up in mg inbox :) im sorry that you're going through such a rough time rn. It seems like a lot of stuff is happening at once which os making it difficult for you to cope and function, and i am so sorry for that. I'm not the best at giving advice, but hopefully my past experiences can ease your pain:

I was depressed throughout college. I was away from home, i was living in the basement of my conservative aunt and uncle's house, i lived off campus so i didn't make any friends or join any clubs. I was so unbearably lonely and sad that i often cried once i was alone. Ofc there were happy times, but it was a very stressful three years of my life. It's not easy, there's a lot going on that can cause burnout, but it's important for you to prioritize your health over your grades. Ik it's easier said than done but you have to do it. Turn off and put away all school related items. Take some time to breathe and just let yourself meditate and clear your mind. Take a nap if you want to. Your brain is struggling to keep up with everything, you have to let it rest. Make a recipe that reminds you of the past and brings back happy memories. Watch a comfort show. Talk to family or friends that make you feel better. Just gove yourself some time to decompress bc you will not be able to continue studying if you are still overwhelmed.

I'm gonna let you in on a secret: it doesn't matter if you fail. It doesn't matter if you do terribly on your exams and fail a class bc you can always take it again. The funny thing about university is that it feels very important but it's similar to high school in that no one cares about your grades as long as you have a degree. There was one class i took that i got a 1.5 GPA on, and the only reason i passed the 1.0 GPA requirement for it was bc covid made learning remote so i was essentially able to cheat on my last exam sksksk. But i never think about that class a year after graduation. It has no effect on my day to day life. It will never affect me in the future. I have my bachelor's degree and i have a plan for the future. Life moves on.

But maybe you're just scared of the idea of failure in general, but everything happens for a reason. I was devastated when all of my vet school applications wete rejected. I felt like a failure and that i wasn't good enough and never would be good enough, but if that had never happened then i wouldn't have all the experiences i have today. I wouldn't have a new job that i love and i may not have made improvements in my life. Your failures give you opportunities to learn and grow, and you can make more informed decisions with your newfound knowledge. It's still scary bc you still fear failure, but now you have experience to look back on and reference when in a similar situation. Think about what worked and didn't work for you on your exams. Is there any way to talk to your professor about them? Perhaps you could go over your strengths and weaknesses to find out what you need to work on for your next tests. Idk what country you're in but many professors enjoy when students are passionate about improving upon their grades, so it wouldn't hurt to reach out and ask for help.

Ik it's hard, but you need to allow yourself to be weak. You need to allow yourself to cry until you're exhausted. Crying helps the body release excess chemicals, including those that stress you out like cortisol. Ik it's difficult, but you need to let this biological process happen so that your body can rebalance itself and function properly. The longer you push it down, the harder it will be on your brain and body. So just cry. In your pillow, in the shower, in public: wherever you want. Just let it out. Let yourself feel those feelings. Here's a good graphic to help you do that:

If it's any consolation, I've felt the way you have before. I've felt hopeless and awful and i convinced myself i would never be happy. Just last year i believed people who called me a narcissist, manipulative, a psycho, pathetic, a gaslighter, etc etc. I hung onto those words and convinced myself that i would never be happy bc i didn't deserve it.

Well guess fucking what, i am happy skskks. Im lucky enough to be able to attend therapy and i worked on things with a therapist and with this hard work and time gone by, im better. Im happy. I felt hopeless but i kept on living and now im experiencing so many new an wonderful things! I would've never guessed i would've been this happy a year or two ago, but i am. Sometimes it just takes time. Life will continue despite how stuck you feel, and you will move past these life events and you will smile and you will laugh and you will be able to breathe without struggling not to cry. You need to allow yourself time to heal and grow. Be patient with yourself. You are not perfect, you are human, which is much more exciting than perfection in my humble opinion. If i was there i would give you the biggest hug, squeeze you tight and rock you side to side and let you cry. And once you've gotten it out of your system, I'll make you some food. Maybe broccoli cheddar soup with toasted sourdough. Ooo and apple pie for dessert, with vanilla ice cream. Something yummy that's definitely self indulgent sksksk.

I hope you feel better soon bubby. I hope my words help in some way and if not i apologize. If you want to talk in private, my dms are always open 💕

Hello, I'm Ons, 25 and I'm a foreign student in France. I think Ive been struggling with depression since teenage years but never been diagnosed. During the last 10 yrs my dad sufferered from ALS & he died 3 years ago! Since I wasn't the happiest kid already this took to it another level..In parallel, i was completely burning out in college (engineering) and still now and quite often I think about death (not that I will commit suicide but that if I died now I wouldn't mind it) part 1

My burnout paid off & got me to France with scholarship but depression and anxiety peaked combined with loneliness on a foreign country, internship, anxiety, im always tired/stressed, im isolating myself,friends don't talk to me that much, friends that I made here got far internships. Im crying all the time & mom is worried & Im worried that I will never be mentally healthy.. I've spent half of my life already being like this. I'm so tired that I want to disappear.. I can't find help! Ons

Hello Ons,

What you are experiencing sounds very difficult and stressful, I’m sorry you are going through this and feeling so down. 

Is France where you want to be? Scholarships are absolutely amazing and it’s so wonderful you have achieved such a massive accomplishment. Sometimes moving to a new country where you don’t know people and you’re surrounded by unfamiliar people, settings and food it can play with your mind a little. Everyone is different and sometimes such a big change can make people either super happy, or it can make life a lot harder. I just wanted to include that if being so far from home is a big part of your distress, it’s more than okay to tell your mother you want to move back home. Happiness is what you want it to be lovely, only you know what you want.

Losing a parent is such an awful thing to go through. I’m so sorry for your loss love. Grief is independant and can be lifelong, you’re learning how to live without someone whom you loved dearly and it can cause depressive symptoms in so many people. However, there is so much support out there for people going through grief and grieving for past lives and loved ones. There’s also a tonne of amazing online support communities where you can meet some really lovely people who can help support you with what you are going through.

Do you schedule in a mental health day every week? It’s so incredibly important to give yourself an entire day to recharge your batteries and focus on self care. Whether that’s sleeping in and watching a movie at home, or going for a nature walk, or reaching out to those friends for lunch or a movie, it’s so incredibly important in helping you with burnout and to keep going. Recharging your batteries also helps you to be more productive. Often we get so worried over study and work and deadlines that we forget to take care of ourselves and if this happens the work we do produce is often of lower quality. If you take that time to recharge it lets you be more productive in a shorter amount of time.

Do you feel comfortable talking to someone about how you are feeling? Reaching out to a doctor or a psychologist who can help you if you do have a diagnosis, and help you figure out exactly what it is going on. Sometimes depression is just a chemical imbalance in the brain completely out of your control that needs a little help to rebalance to help you get back on track. It’s not your fault lovely.

Depression is so incredibly common, as well as anxiety. Thankfully they are both treatable and there is so much help available for you if you do choose to seek it. Reaching out is the absolute hardest part of the process but you’ve already done some of that by telling us what’s going on and we are so incredibly proud of you. Keep on reaching out love and try with all your might to keep in contact with those friends, isolating yourself only causes sadness. You deserve to be happy.

Links for you to look at:

DepressionAnxietyHow to get helpHelplinesWeb counsellors you can talk toDealing with griefGetting a good night's sleepAdvice for school

You got this x

Much love, Willow x