Something that bothers me when it comes to discussions about Autism is the idea that being diagnosed = getting support and vice versa.

When I first got diagnosed, all the therapy I got that was geared towards my autistic traits didn't help me. Not even once. My psychologist just kept trying to make me more social and extroverted. In other words, she was trying to make me neurotypical.

When I went to therapy, the professionals saw me as a walking diagnosis, not as a person. They assumed I had problems I didn't have, and ignored the problems I had; all because they didn't fit the idea they had of what an autistic person could experience.

Did I struggle with school? No, you need more challenges. Did I want to be alone? No, you need to learn social skills. Was I too apathetic? No, you are hiding all of your emotions.

The best therapies I got were the ones where they didn't diagnose me as autistic. They simply saw me as a human being with issues that weren't dictated by a DSM diagnosis.

The stereotyping, the ableism, the way they tried to turn me into a neurotypical person... it's just harmful. I prefer for to be misdiagnosed or being told I'm unique or whatever, than letting them diagnose me and pathologize my own neurodivergent traits.

I was already diagnosed with depression, severe anxiety and adhd from my early teenage years. I had taken therapy for a few years. But then I stopped cuz things were getting better and then Covid came and everything went downhill for me again. And finally I went to a psychiatrist today again and guess what I found out I'm autistic too. Idk what to do with my life atp. I have decided to continue taking help now and my parents and siblings respect my decision. Which makes me happy cuz mental health is still such a taboo in India.

Anyways I had to get this off my chest cuz I feel terrible.

Imma go take a nap. And to everyone who is suffering with any kind of problems, pls pls pls seek help. <33

https://www.teepublic.com/poster-and-art/47235763-quilt-pattern-self-care-mental-health-reminder

Trying something new - here’s a design that’s terribly different from everything else I’ve created. Also, trying to link to Teepublic now. I’ve been woefully misinformed about Redbubble royalties, and I’m wondering if it was worth it to even start designing on there. Anyway, check my designs out of you can - even just a heart brings me joy! Have happy days ya’ll :)

(Please know that this is a Positive Post, However Some possibly triggering Things will be Mentioned, such as: Psychological Abuse, Physical Abuse, Se|f Harm, Su¡cide, Se×ual Mentions, A|cohol and Unhealthy Ways of Coping)

I don't have any Disorders that have any Stigmas that relate to being abusive. However one of my closest friends do have disorders that could be seen as a (quote un quote) "Abusive Disorder", As for not Spreading real Names, I'll Call this Person Jane, and in the Past she has psychologically Damaged many people (Plus Myself) I avoided her for around 3 Years, because I wasn't Able to Handle her. However, I still hung out with some People that did Still talk to this Friend during those years. And they'd tell me how Jane would do a lot of Crazy Things like Break into her Family's Alcohol Stash and Drink a shitton of it, as well as have Se× with people she didn't know 100% well.

Well, once I was Mentally Stable enough to Handle Jane, We began talking again. And she began trying shit she did in the past. But I didn't let her. I would never be mean about it. She would Punch me with a Crapton of Force when I said something she found "Comedically Stupid" (like an Innuendo or general Dumbass Childish Humor) and I told her to stop On multiple occasions politely, and one day I grabbed her wrist as she hit me and I looked her in the eyes and told her if she didn't stop, then she May as well not come sit with us anymore. I didn't yell or hit her back, I felt like a Mom who got sick if her kid being a Brat and scolded her kid for being a brat. And she got pissy or whatever, but after a Few days of her Trying to Avoid me she sat with me on the Bus and we talked about many things, and She straight up told me that even though She acted Pissed she was actually Terrified because That was the First time any of her Friends physically Restrained her instead of Letting her get away with it, or getting Physically/Verbally Violent with her.

After that Incident, We hung out more often and I realized she would do certain things because she craved any form of attention, And since she would only get attention through aggressive ways and se×ual ways that's what she would do to not be Left behind. I decided that if I really care about Jane as much as I say I do. Then I want to help her get Healthy. So I began to attempt deterring her attempts of trying to get Negative attention, if I could tell she was trying to start Drama I would say "Okay. I'm not going to Argue Back, Instead I am going to let you calm down. Feel free to let me know if You've calmed down aite?" And I'll do Just that. Recently I've noticed her stirring up Less Drama. Which is something Crazy because She's been known for starting Drama that's unneeded with anyone. And We have "play arguments" for example I'll tease her for being Short and she will Jokingly call me a tall Goblin or something. I've also straight up told her (and all my other friends) that if I am doing something that upsets them To tell me asap, because I would rather be hurt for a Few moments than have Them Hurt for so long. For example, Jane disliked it when I teased her about having a Crush on someone so I since then have been holding myself Back from those Jokes. It's been over a Year since we Began talking again. And Honestly, This is Probably the Happiest I have ever seen Jane, We're both entering our Senior Year (12th Grade) and we've known each other since 5th Grade, What I wanted to spread here is, while certain disorders can cause "abusive Behavior" in most cases it's for a Reason, in Jane's Case it was because she was wanting to be included, noticed, and accepted. But because negativity gave her something similar to what she wanted, she Became something she Didn't enjoy being. And when she was given a Chance to change she Took it. That being said, Not everyone wants to change. And if that is the case so be it. And if you feel you Can't handle befriending someone like this, Don't feel obligated to. I put it like this, If your Legs are Broken To the point you can't walk, You can't save someone Drowning.

Hi. My ex and I broke up almost 5 years ago. We both moved on and are in happy relationships. I saw on facebook he got engaged to his current gf and I got really upset and don’t know why. I was crying hysterically. I am genuinely happy for him but it hurts seeing that he has a happy and healthy relationship after he hurt me so badly. Part of me wanted his relationship to fail so he would feel the pain I felt when he broke up with me. He moved on within 3 months and we dated for over 3 years and lived together. It just felt like he threw me to the curb and those 3 years meant nothing to him. I know that’s immature and selfish of me. I spoke with my current bf who I have been with for almost 4 years and he gets it and isn’t mad ai got upset. But I can’t stop being mad at myself for getting upset and thinking those things about my ex. I have forgiven him and accepted I won’t get the closure I want because he blocked me on everything and won’t answer any texts. I saw the post cause I am friends with his mom on facebook still. Please tag as #selfishandconfused

Hi there!

Thank you for getting in touch with us here at MHA. I am sorry that you have been upset by this (perfectly understandable)! Hopefully, I’ll be able to give you some advice and reassurance :)

What you went through during the break up was a traumatic experience for you and left you deeply hurt, plus you never got any closure from him, and I'm really sorry that happened to you - things that hurt us that much can have effects years and years after the event. So please don't be mad at yourself or feel guilty about still having emotions towards him and the relationship you had!! It is totally normal! Personally, I know I've certainly been in the same boat as you.

Do you think that reaching out to him to get some closure would be beneficial to you? If that is something that you think could be good, then I think looking into ways to do that could be good. Sometimes getting closure from someone and having a final discussion can answer a lot of questions that made the initial event more traumatic as they were unknown. There is of course to chance that this could bring up more negative emotions for you if you find out things that would make you unhappy. But the choice of finding a way to communicate with him is there if you want it!

If you want to stop seeing anything about him and his new relationship then you could consider hiding the Facebook posts from his mother, or unfriending her if you don't still have a good relationship with her.

I think it’s important that you take some extra time to check in with yourself and care for your mental health right now - having past emotions brought up can make us feel really bad about ourselves and our past. So, if you need to, please consider reaching out to someone for professional help. Further, just taking time to practice some self-care can really help us to care for our mental health. Try to take at least an hour or two a day for yourself; fill that time with doing things that you enjoy and make you feel relaxed and at peace. For example, I take the two hours before I go to sleep and try it fill that time with things like art and music, I’ll also take the time to have a bath, wash my hair, look after my skin, etc. Practicing self-care also involves things like making sure you are getting enough sleep, eating well, and staying hydrated. Sometimes a little thing like that which helps you feel better on the outside can switch things a little so you feel better inside too!

This would also be a good time to reflect on all of the good things that you have in your life now - your current partner, the fun things you do together, etc. I'm a strong believer in everything happens for a reason - so although what happened in the past was unhappy and still causes these negative emotions, you have a lot of good things in your life now that you may not have had if that event never happened. Maybe spend some extra time appreciating your partner and doing things so you both feel extra loved!

I hope this has been of some use to you, lovely. Please remember that you can always get back in touch with us if there is anything else that we can help you with! I wish you all the best. Take care!

Rhiann xo

It’s not even 9 and I’m already fed up with people. A prominent German newspaper dropped this article:

[translation:

„Forced party in the office

An American employee goes to court because he‘s stressed by his own birthday party. The court awarded him 450 000 $ in compensation.“]

Which is absolutely not what happened.

The employee asked to be spared a birthday party by his employer because of bad social anxiety. The employer ignored this request and threw him a party anyway due to company policy. The employee suffered a panic attack AND THEN HIS EMPLOYER FIRED HIM BECAUSE OF HIS BEHAVIOUR.

This is not about forced parties. This is about a lot of employers absolutely ignoring the mental health of their employees.

I realized recently that when you're comfortable discussing your mental health openly doctors start to freak out.

I've had a fuck ton of medical stuff come up so I've been seeing a new range of doctors. Inevitably in the fact gathering and intake sessions they get to those questions about your mental health. When you answer nonchalantly and using specific language they don't know what to do.

Like my guy my brain chemicals have been fucked since I was a child and I've been through a dozen wrong diagnosis before they got it right. I ain't got an ounce of shame. Let's get beyond that shit and move on. I got chronic illnesses I need to deal with. Get your life and catch up!

If you don't judge people for saying "sorry adhd brain" in public, then don't judge people for saying "sorry schizophrenia brain" in public

If you correct people when they misuse the term "ocd" then you need to correct people when they misuse the terms "psychotic", "delusional", "hallucinating" and "schizophrenic"

If you don't stare, laugh at or fear a stranger in public flapping their hands, then you need to do the same for a stranger in public talking to someone who isn't actually there.

If you give a trigger warning to sensitive topics then you need to give a trigger warning to unreality and false information as a prank.

If you want to normalize medication like antidepressants you also need to normalize medications like antipsychotics.

If you don't like people without your disorder joking about it online and report it as harassment, then you need to do the same for the tons of nonschizophrenics making "schizoposting" memes to make fun of us.

Just please include schizo-spec and psychotic acceptance into your mental illness/neurodiversity acceptance. We are part of your community whether you like it or not. We are constantly stigmatized, misrepresented and made fun of. We do what we can to help you, please return the favor.

Mental illness/neurodiversity acceptance is an ongoing action. We will get nowhere in the long run if we split the community into the "in" group and the "out" group. We could all accomplish so much if we worked together. But you need to include the "weird" people that don't fit into your aesthetic and don't fit the social norms.

Us psychotics and schizo-specs have been struggling for years and have been the only people fighting for ourselves while the people we plead to barely see us as human. If you are nonpsychotic and nonschizo-spec, you can help us more than you realize. Please include us and stick up for us the same way we have been including and sticking up for you.

The loud, shrill tongue lashing that made it's home in my brain has been packing it's bags for a while. While I've wished for it to leave for years, seeing the taped-up boxes lining the walls makes me feel uneasy now that my mind shall be quiet for the first time since I was 5. I have no idea what to do with all the empty space now that Anxiety no longer lives here.

It's the most exciting yet terrifying feeling in the world.

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

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Ma'am/Sir/Other

So much of your blog is "Yaya another thing in my body broke (kill me)"

I'm not judging at all, cause I'm also dealing with that somewhat but,

In the most polite manner possible;

How the fuck do you manage to function without killing everyone around you in a bodily pain induced rage.

Body hurts too much.

But in all seriousness, therapy and a whole lot of radical acceptance.

I don't approve or like what’s happening to me, but realistically, there is no way to avoid it, so I either have to accept it and make changes to my life or reject it and increase my suffering.

It might take me a while to process this change and there might be a few screaming breakdowns in the interim (”it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair!”) but after a long time of doing this type of therapy, I’ve gotten good at holding my own hand and holding myself through the despair.

It’s a bit like being my own gentle parent. Like “hey bud, I know this sucks and you’re feeling a lot of big emotions right now. And I’m not asking you to stop feeling them, but I do need you to eat and drink before you get sick, okay? Okay, you’ve had some water, do you want to try for a shower? No? Okay, let’s go back to bed for a bit. We’ll try later... Cry it out if you need to. I’ve got you.”

Probably sounds bonkers to some people but it's the only reason I’m still alive.

My support network is wonderful and they do so much to keep me going, but it wasn't until I allowed myself to feel my emotions and self soothe through them that things got better.

I can’t change what has been done to me. I can’t change the dynamic nature of my disabilities or the fact that parts of my body will continue to break down. But I can accept myself and say, this is the way things are: react accordingly for our continued survival.

Radical acceptance isn’t about approval or giving up. It's a stress tolerance skill that lets you look at some of the worst parts of your life and go “fuck this sucks. Okay, how do I make this suck less?” and then following through on it.

It's a skill that takes a long time to build. But it's well worth investing in.

and if today was rough for you, i am proud of you.

and if you suffered today silently, i am proud of you.

and if you struggled with eating but you still ate, i am proud of you.

and if you were not happy for your body but you let it exist in the peace, i am proud of you.

whatever happened today good or bad, whatever you felt today - i am still very much proud of you, please keep going my friend, i love you.

Hello and welcome to my Bipolar Autistic PTSD brain! It's weird in here and kinda sucks sometimes but I wouldn't have it any other way. Well, I could do better without the PTSD but it's whatever.

I have good days and bad days, but would I choose to be neurotypical? Absolutely not. Yeah, my brain works differently than "normal" people, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I have a different outlook on the world than other people do, and I love and appreciate that. It's not a superpower, it's just a different way of feeling and looking at things.

I get overwhelmed and overstimulated sometimes, and sometimes I need time alone to unwind and reflect. My social batteries get low, but so do any introverts. But my friends understand, and many of them are neurodivergent or have mental conditions as well, they say misery loves company but none of us are miserable. We love, look out for and understand each other. We're in the same boat of acknowledging that each of our brains are different and view things differently and we love each other for it. My family doesn't fully understand, they understand some of it with my mom having Bipolar as well, but to a different degree. But as the only neurodivergent one in my family, I look to my friends for support.

We are a creative bunch, and a lot of us suck at math, and a good amount of us are on the spectrum. We were diagnosed at different ages, by different doctors, and sometimes in different states or countries. We are not puzzle pieces, we are people.

Some of us have mental conditions like depression or anxiety or ADHD, and that's okay. We're not looking for cures or a happily ever after, we're looking for acceptance and love. We've found that in each other. Is that too much to ask from others?

I hope you find the type of love in life that makes you feel at ease. I hope birdsong will sound like music to you again. I hope your home is warm during the winter and cool in the summer. I hope people smile at you enough. I hope you wake up curious for what's to come. I hope you listen to your body's aches as signals instead of mere hindrances. I hope that when you reach out, there's a hand to grasp onto. I hope that when you laugh, bursts of happiness accompany the sound. I hope you live a life where today is just as exciting as tomorrow. I hope you don't feel guilt over moving on from the things that were your fault. I hope you rest well. I hope you eat enough. I hope you hold your hopes tightly. I hope you allow them to transform into dreams. I hope your dreams come true.