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#-can be good or bad depending
solradguy · 10 months
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I know I Jack-O' post 95% of the time when I get stoned, but know that I love Axl Low too and have two long, strong, arms and can hug them both at the same time
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lookninjas · 22 days
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Pick a song based on a bad description! You do not have to recognize any of the songs to choose them. You're going more for a mood. A vibe. Whatever cracks you up. Roll a d12, maybe. Just pick something and reblog the poll (reblogging is important -- we get a lot of ties if there's not a bunch of votes, so please reblog!)
At the end of the week, I will take all the songs and put them in a playlist, starting with the song that has the least number of votes and working up to the song with the most votes. I will then share the poll around one last time with a link to the playlist and all individual songs. If you would like to hear the finished playlist, please leave a comment or mention it in tags or whatever, and I will tag you when the playlist is finished.
Also, if you're intrigued by a description and you just can't wait, shoot me an ask and I will tell you the name/artist of the song that you're interested in. But like I said, you don't have to know to vote. Go with what you feel in your heart.
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jessepinwheel · 1 year
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my very serious writing advice for people who are trying to write more morally complex characters is to stop caring about their morality and focus instead on their individual motivations
it’s hard to articulate exactly what I mean, but the essence of it is basically: when a character does a murder, not only do I not care about whether they’re justified in doing so, it’s straight-up irrelevant. a character’s moral standing from some nebulous universal standard has no bearing on the plot or their interactions with other characters and has no use in the story for me as a writer. what does matter is why the character thought they were justified and then if it comes up to other characters, what they think about it.
you can obviously think about your characters’ morality but it’s not your job as a writer to interpret your stories for your readers and tell them how to judge your characters. your readers can see the evidence for themselves and draw their own conclusions. your job is just to understand why a character is motivated to act in a certain way and have it make sense
focusing on character motivations is a much more versatile framework than trying to give them specific personality traits or moral alignments, and frankly more useful to understand why a character would do a certain thing instead of just what they do. that way when something fucked up happens and your character starts acting differently, there’s an actual logical reason for it that isn’t you forcing characters to do things because it’s what’s required to make the plot go
when you write your characters with the understanding that people are not static and they act differently under different circumstances, complexity in character and morality follows naturally.
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brainyrot · 9 days
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What if
I had a sneak peak art of what will the future chapters have in my fic...
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aq2003 · 2 months
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ten x rose love loses moodboard - space girl by frances forever // doctor who (2005) 2x03 doomsday // why losing rose was so devastating on doctor who, according to david tennant // twitter user arojotaro // tumblr user heartless-aro // against the kitchen floor by will wood // doctor who (2005) 4x13 journey's end // julie gardner in the journey's end dw confidential // a screenshot of my discord messages
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mag200 · 5 months
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unfortunately beige can be a really nice color actually but rich people are so fucking bad at it
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samarecharm · 2 months
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Endlessly tickled by the idea of Akira being a good shot but a shit gamer. I like to think its cause hes got incredible hand eye coordination and super steady ‘surgeon’ hands; hes very good with precise movements, but panics when he has to do brain melting inputs. His brain can keep up but its hard to make his hands follow suit. Its why u can have him be dogshit at arcade cabinets; panicking with the little joystick and button mashing like mad, while having him be a beast at things like darts and billiards.
The only arcade games he can play is house of the dead-esque shooting games (hes literally at the top of the leaderboards for MILES and he draws crowds whenever he plays) and DDR cabinets (hes just very light on his feet)(NOT to be confused with stepmania; he would die if he had to do arrow inputs with his HAND). Its kinda fun to watch him fumble with the other silly gimmick cabinets, but its more entertaining to watch him do what hes good at. If u take him to play darts, and if the darts are super cheap, he will absolutely try his best to split them down the middle each time. Doesnt always work, but its insane to know that he lands the bullseye literally 100% of the time.
#chattin#akira#i just think. having him play games like how my uncle plays games is a silly visual#hes also Tall#so hes like as tall as the fucking machine and shaking it like crazy. hes dying. help him.#but hes never like. hmm#i guess self conscious about looking silly? it doesnt even occur to him bc hes so focused on smashing inputs#so ryuji can take him to the arcade all the time and never get a sore loser for a teammate or rival#on the flipside. he is so good w knives its scary#and like. anything sharp. and anything thats a projectile tbh#if u took him to do archery i think he would love it.#but for now hes got Baseball and Darts. and hes good at Both.#i know royal has him playing darts or something w goro??#i think its cute. also funny. goro would lose miserably and get so fucking tight. like alright. im not taking u here anymore.#akira opts to just watch bc he didnt think he was going to hang out w a sore loser#and goro HAS to challenge that. obviously.#like *clenched fist* ‘no. i insist. were here for a. good time. friendly competition is. healthy.’#*clenches jaw so tightly u can hear it pop* ‘another round? ‘#thinking about it; turnbased rpgs would be perfect for him. hes very bad at action games and fighting games#so playing games that dont demand that from u would be nice for him.#rhythm games would be easy too; the focus isnt on the hands but the beat#he doesnt have to THINK about hand inputs#MAYBE racing games would work too? but high speed racing games like burnout would be too much for him i think#and depending on the TYPE of shooter; fps games would be bad; third person shooters even more so
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boyfridged · 1 year
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see, the thing is that (up until countdown at least) there’s no symmetry in jay and bruce's respective ways of grieving.
jay is perpetually trapped in the bargaining stage of grief, trying to reach out to bruce from beyond death.
bruce is way past this. he has settled into a quiet, passive type of mourning, devoid of hope for a reunion. and to stay in this state, he had to necessarily disregard jay’s true image – an image of an earnest, bright child, his son. the memory of jay has been reconstructed in his mind a thousand times and sealed in a folder labeled as “soldier” (or even just a personal failure). it's ugly. it's unfair. it's a coping mechanism.
so to me, the issue isn't that bruce wants his dead, sweet little boy back – the issue is that he barely remembers him. if he did, maybe he would be willing to take a leap of faith and search for that person in jason who came back. but he's not even trying to reconcile the image of 15yo jay with red hood – or rather, maybe the image of a volatile kid that he created in his grief fits with the red hood a bit too accurately. maybe it's a bit too convenient. it works perfectly well for his own self-preservation and sanity, to think that jason has been doomed from the beginning.
jason, on the other hand, is cursed with remembering. one of the very sparse concepts that i found interesting in rhato was when in #3 (2011) jason chose to give up on his happiest memory – skipping patrol to watch a movie with bruce. maybe it's because recalling these tender, sweet moments is what gives him hope, and motivates him to keep bargaining and trying to reconcile with bruce. and bargaining with reality is exhausting. the readers and jay know that it's a lost cause – both because neither bruce nor jay are the same people anymore, but also because, ironically, batman, the symbol of hope, doesn't have any left when it comes to getting his son back. bruce, in his grief, essentially closed the door. jay, in his grief, is banging on them.
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liquidstar · 6 months
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Oh fuck tomorrow I'm going to be a little birthday boy I keep almost forgetting
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thebrainrotsreal · 15 days
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Thinking about the version of Mark that DID survive out in the wasteland for all those years (???) (post-Angstrom fight). Thinking about him being told he wouldn’t like who he had become. Thinking about Mark whispering “I thought you were stronger” at the bloody corpse crushed into the sand. Thinking about the hot sun and incredibly hot earth and unwavering isolation at such a critically vulnerable point. Mark, stranded and bloody, left to wonder if this was worth trying to protect his family, left to wonder if the violence in him is inevitable, as if it's some evil thing that's always been there, underneath his skin, just now waking. Left to wonder until he trips into spiraling, but no matter how loud he screams these questions into the sky, there is nothing but silence. A corpse for company. Thinking about the crushing weight of loneliness, and your own shocked mind. Thinking about being that way for years and years and years, somehow surviving. Only to become something a younger you wouldn’t "like". And what that looks like.
Thinking about the Mark that did get rescued, and being left to wonder how many times other versions of himself stumble into bad endings. How long until he becomes something he wouldn't like.
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57sfinest · 1 year
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okay as a Jean Enjoyer i feel like i need to say this because there are different genres of jean enjoyment (jeanres if you will). i am of the faction where i don’t really vibe with the whole “jeangst” thing (as it exists as a fandom phenomenon) and here’s why. so much of the stuff i see labeled “jeangst” is WAY too sympathetic to and forgiving of jean for my taste. like he’s woobified or there’s a lot of uncritical ‘poor jean harry is so mean to him and now harry’s amnesia ruined his life :(’ type stuff which is such a fundamental misunderstanding of him and his role in harry’s past & present and it skews how we view his dynamic with harry too. and i don’t mean this as “oh considering jean’s pov is bad!!1!1″ no i consider his pov all the time i am indescribably mentally ill about the torment that the jeanharry relationship puts both jean and harry through. but when we consider his point of view i really think that just ascribing him the simple role of ‘poor depressed punching bag’ strips him of all the interesting parts of his character & also contributes to a less nuanced and accurate understanding of harry as well (it makes it easy to villainize him for his addiction and mental illness, which in and of themselves aren’t moral failings-- harry was a bad person for his behavior, which is not the same as his addiction or his illnesses)
like, jean put himself in this situation. over and over again. yes he was likely forced into working with harry, but whatever’s going on between them is more than a workplace conflict. you look at luiga’s twitter and he’s said so much about jean and harry’s codependency and the other mentions of a very close and very unhealthy personal relationship. you see the way jean talks about his own role vs harry’s in the ending-- jean WANTS to be the poor victim, he wants everyone to see him as the helpless punching bag who is being such a saint by Putting Up With Harry And His Bullshit, look at me, i’m so much better than this stupid mentally ill addict! he’s like harry you are so unprofessional, and there is something wrong with you, and we are all so tired of putting up with you and your shitty behavior, but here he is sitting in a hotel lobby in a wig to harass harry while harry is actually doing his job!! like jean my love here you are reaming harry out about “doing his fucking job” sir what are you doing!! you are sitting in a hotel looking angry for 14 hours just in case your special little partner who you are definitely sooo mad at condescends to speak to you for a few minutes!! and you dragged poor judit out here too!! jean. girl. babe. it’s time to admit you are a massive hypocrite with an even bigger victim complex. you, a mentally ill addict, are losing your shit at harry for being a mentally ill addict. why don’t you meaningfully address the actual behaviors instead of just reminding harry that he’s an alcoholic every 2 minutes.
like i’m not saying jean should have infinite patience for harry after multiple years of mistreatment but damn dude the double standards are insane. jean is instigating a messy public breakup and being pretty abusive the whole time and then he’s like everyone feel bad for ME and not STUPID HARRY who is an ALCOHOLIC in case anyone forgot. he goes on and on about how much his life sucks and how much harry sucks and boohoo poor him he’s so depressed and beaten down by the shitkid etc but then in ANY sub-ideal ending you get there’s still something that tells you that he’s still taking harry back or at least considering it. in the cuno ending “he can’t leave you behind. he just can’t. one final time...” even in the worst ending “if you make it-- if you’re sober for 10 months-- tell us. i’ll work with you again.” jean babe if you hate him so much then stay the fuck away from him!! damn!! your codependency is showing!! your victim complex is showing!! just go get harry’s name tattooed on you at this point like at the very least it might get you some sympathy from people at the bar when they ask about what’s very clearly an Ex’s Name Tattoo
#this got out of hand. sorry#anyway yeah i disagree with 'jeangst' on principle because it's too nice to jean basically#you can be sympathetic to his point of view without being a Jean Apologist or completely erasing his role in a mutually abusive dynamic#i love to think about how much this whole situation hurts him. and i love to think about how a lot of it is his fault#it's so much more interesting for him to be a participant in his own victimhood#he's standing there goading harry into punching him and then he gets punched and is like HOW DARE YOU PUNCH ME!!#well sir you see if you tape a sign on your forehead that says kick me then eventually you are going to be kicked.#the jeanharry relationship as a form of self harm for both parties involved etc etc#using each other to punish themselves etc etc#just enough good in it to keep them going. just enough bad to make it bitter the whole way through. the push and pull of addiction etc etc#see a return to jean/harry partnership after martinaise would be so funny#jean tries to provoke harry says some shitty stuff etc and harry just like. starts crying or having a panic attack or whatever#and jean is like hold on this makes ME look like the bad guy. come on quick hit me. come on say something mean. call me a slur. please#or maybe harry goes right back to being an asshole depending on ur guy. and nothing ever changes and they hurt each other for ever and ever#until they succumb to the inevitable murder-suicide#kiwipost#jv meta#jean vicquemare#I HATE THIS GUY *beating him with one of those carpet dust racket things*
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sophsicle · 11 months
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it is not merely a question of whether or not we have learned to analyze in particular kinds of ways, or whether people are able to intellectualize about a variety of experiences. It is also about coming to believe in the possibility of a variety of experiences, a variety of ways of understanding the world, a variety of frameworks of operation, without imposing consciously or unconsciously a notion of norm - Elsa Barkley Brown
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snixx · 5 months
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me when i default to a dramatically different handwriting for every separate subject i have but have my notes for all of them unseparated and encroaching into each other in the same notebook
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peacerisendove · 1 year
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More That '70s Show screenshot redraws for my little AU. Kon sports his scruff proudly and Thad tries to deny it, but he knows it looks good. You just can't resist his charm.
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catboyidia · 6 months
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imagining young sephiroth somehow stumbling upon vincent and pulling out the picture of lucrecia, showing it to vincent while asking him if he’s seen his mother “jenova”…
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thetomorrowshow · 6 months
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hubris killed the god - ch 6
First Part
this is the final part! thanks for coming along on this one, i really enjoyed writing it :) it kind of makes me want to do more of this style in the future, so thanks for the lovely feedback <3
cw: implied/referenced death, much open discussion about death, blood & injury, non-graphic animal death
~
Within three days, Shelby is bedridden.
Or, tableridden, rather.
A mattress has been brought into the chapel (Scott’s suspicious that it’s Sausage’s own bed, dragged from the sideroom) in place of the pillows that had been cushioning Shelby’s resting place.
Shelby lies there, mostly unmoving, face pale. When she’s awake, her brow is furrowed in concentration, shaking hands weaving invisible purple webs with her wand (invisible to all but Scott). When she’s asleep, her temperature rises and she tosses and turns with illness, unable to protect herself; it’s often then that Sausage leans over her, muttering under his breath with his hands laid on her head.
At times they work at once, Sausage passing from her head to her cheek to her hand, spilling a drop of whatever is in his tiny cylindrical container at each point and continuing his muttered spells or blessings, while Shelby scrunches her eyes shut and weaves protection spells and health spells and resilience spells.
Scott can’t really tell if any of it is working. The red marks on Shelby’s cheek and hand don’t grow any smaller or larger, they don’t fade or darken. He watches the spells she casts enter her body, he sees the hexes that she weaves, but for all he knows, it’s doing nothing.
For all he knows, Shelby is still dying and he’s been right to not get his hopes up.
Sausage’s magic is less of the visible kind, for the most part, but he can see occasionally the way Sausage seems to wrap Shelby’s hand in golden strings, or the glow that passes from his hands into her hair.
Scott watches more than anyone else, he thinks—not that he’s there in the chapel more than anyone else, just that he watches. fWhip’s there whenever he can make it, sitting beside Shelby and laying his head on her shoulder or helping her eat; Gem reads to Shelby when she’s resting, hands shaking too much to carry out any more spells but feeling too ill to sleep; Katherine just sits beside her, sometimes gripping her hand when she needs it; even False steps in every once in a while, bringing fresh water for both Shelby and Sausage.
Scott doesn’t feel that he does too much to help. He mostly sits in the first pew, keeps an eye on the two of them, noting when Sausage’s prayers begin to stutter or Shelby’s hands list to the side. Then he quietly taps the shoulder of whoever is sitting beside Shelby (or slips out to the foyer where someone will be waiting) and lets them know that the two magic users’ strength is flagging, and they need to rest.
And Jimmy . . . Jimmy doesn’t come by at all.
Jimmy doesn’t even really come into the church anymore. He eats meals out by the fire alone, patrols the border by himself near-constantly, and otherwise avoids everyone.
It’s guilt, Scott thinks. If Shelby hadn’t been ill, he’d probably do the same, ashamed of his decisions and feeling horrible for the people he’s hurt.
And it may be guilt, but it’s also a terrible thing to do. Because Shelby is dying, and everyone is giving what they can to help her or be near her, and Jimmy isn’t even trying.
Every time he remembers how little Jimmy is doing, he does a little more himself. He helps Sausage to a pew for a nap. He offers to readjust Shelby’s pillows. He actually does something, which is more than Jimmy can say.
And when Scott isn’t in the chapel, he’s tracking the border’s changes, marking them with sticks and rocks. Because the border is changing every single day now, shrinking as Sausage focuses his efforts on Shelby.
And when Scott lies in bed at night, he stares at the ceiling and tries to think of ways to escape.
Oli’s dead, for sure. And there’s no way that Joey’s safe, now that they know the mites can swim. For all they know, they’ve already spread to the ocean, devouring every sea creature they come across and multiplying even further.
Pix is gone, whether by some sort of escape that only he could think of or death, Scott can’t know. Shelby’s here, but nobody knows for how long.
There’s nobody else. There’s nothing else. There’s nowhere to go.
They’re trapped in a dwindling Sanctuary, and even if Shelby does survive, they’ll all die not long after.
He considers the Nether—Shelby had managed to travel through it, after all, so it had presumably been relatively mite-free—but immediately dismisses it out of hand. Humans can’t survive long in the Nether—the temperature is just too high. Scott can barely manage the ten minute travel through the portals, there’s no way he could last more than a day before dying of heatstroke.
And then Scott loses track of his thoughts for a moment, tired as he is, and somehow ends up categorizing the various portals by how far they are from Chromia’s. It’s like counting sheep, he thinks idly. Tracking them in his mind as a way to fall asleep. Joel’s is the closest, of course, but there are a bunch of portals kind of all tangled up and he cannot for the life of him remember which color of carpet leads to which portal.
He tries to picture them in his head, holding back a yawn. Jimmy’s is brown, Gem’s is . . . orange? Was Pix grey, or a blue? And what about the fairgrounds, that Oli had built a portal for? Despite there having its own, much more mysterious portal, of course.
A portal, Jimmy had called the Rift. Then he’d said that it had been Lizzie’s plan to head in there.
Scott sits straight up in bed, exhaustion forgotten.
They can go through the Rift.
-
There’s silence around the campfire after Scott introduces his plan. fWhip and Gem exchange a look. Katherine glances back at the church. False leans back a bit, folds her arms.
Jimmy, however, nods. “It’s something I’ve been thinking about, too,” he says. “I’d say it’s worth a shot to send at least some of us in.”
“Some of us being who?” Gem asks, and there’s something pointed in her voice that Scott doesn’t quite understand.
Jimmy seems to, though, because he inclines his head toward her. “Myself, Katherine, fWhip, and you, I figured,” he says to her, before shrugging. “We could rearrange those if we need to. But Shelby can’t travel, and False ain’t keen on the Rift—” False snorts in acknowledgement— “and Scott can see the border, might protect Sanctuary for a bit longer. That’s my reasoning, least. All good?”
And Scott nods, if only because Jimmy’s the leader.
He wants to go through, but he can’t leave Shelby. Sure, he wants to survive—he’s gotten this far, after all, one of the few left during the apocalypse—but he isn’t going to throw away his friends just for the chance to live.
And again, it’s a chance. Just like how finding Pix had been a chance.
Scott’s not willing to put everything on the line for another chance.
-
The preparations start immediately.
Gem runs to and fro, reassuring Shelby in one second and sharpening her sword the next, packing food and first aid and everything she can carry.
fWhip trails along beside her, apparently already ready, offering suggestions and chewing so  hard on his lip that it starts to bleed.
Katherine hasn’t collected much in her short time here, so she spends her spare moments sitting beside Shelby and Sausage, holding Shelby’s hand whenever it’s available. Scott watches her, sometimes, his eyes catching on their entwined hands, and thinks of all the things that Shelby’s confessed to him over lunch, and wonders.
And Jimmy, again, is the odd one out, wandering through Sanctuary and sitting alone by the campfire.
Scott’s content to leave him to it—he doesn’t know what Jimmy’s thinking and he’s not really interested in knowing—but when Jimmy grabs him by the shoulder early the next morning (the day before they’re set to head out, leaving Scott and False in charge), Scott reluctantly breaks away from his path to the church and follows. He’s a busy man, trying to take over the management of Sanctuary at such a tumultuous time—whatever Jimmy has to say had better be quick.
They walk in silence for a moment. The sun has just broken over the horizon, casting the orange leaves of Sanctuary’s trees into a dim, yellow light. It feels so very autumnal, even though Scott’s fairly certain it’s only just barely September. Maybe there’s some kind of magic involved, like with the rest of Sanctuary, that changes the seasons on a dime. He’s pretty sure that last week when he was out here, the trees had been mostly green.
Those are only idle thoughts, straws grasped at for something to think about so that he isn’t forced to make conversation. Unfortunately, it looks like it’ll be up to him, as Jimmy says nothing for several long minutes.
“Nice out,” Scott offers eventually. Jimmy starts, almost as if he’d forgotten Scott was here.
“Yeah, I guess,” he shrugs. “Bit warm for this early, but I ain’t complaining.”
Scott nods slowly. Scuffs at the footpath that travels around the border that they’re following. Jimmy doesn’t say anything else.
Jimmy pauses at a point close to the border on the opposite side of the church, looking out over the plains in the distance, little patches of grass turned black.
“This is the most beautiful part of Sanctuary, I think,” Jimmy murmurs, and Scott tries to see it. He really does.
But there’s not much to it. It’s just a plain, with few of the trees that make Sanctuary so picturesque, stretching far until it slowly climbs into rolling hills.
He nods again, anyway. He’s not sure what Jimmy’s trying to do—connect with him, or apologize before leaving? Try not to part with bad blood?
Because while Scott’s certainly grown some sympathy for the man, he doesn’t have to like him. He doesn’t have to forgive him for ending the world.
Even if, in some strange turn, he wants Jimmy to forgive him for pushing them to look for Pix.
But Jimmy doesn’t ask forgiveness. He doesn’t try to explain his actions, or apologize. Instead, he takes in a deep breath, and says, turning to meet Scott’s eyes, “I want you to go through the Rift.”
Scott blinks. “Sorry, what?”
Jimmy sighs, sits down on a boulder in a familiar way that clearly tells Scott he’s spent quite some time here. “I’m not going. I want you to take my place.”
And that—whatever Scott had expected, it isn’t that.
“Wh-why?”
Jimmy doesn’t answer immediately. He just gazes out over the plains, something lost, something longing in his eyes.
Scott may not forgive Jimmy. He may not like him. But Jimmy’s a good leader, knows how to properly build a community in times of hardship, he knows how to direct. If the other side of the Rift is some new world, untouched by the death that plagues this one, someone will need to be there to help the group survive, rebuild from nothing.
Not Scott. Chromia had been full of llamas and not people for a reason, after all.
And he’s already been preparing to stay back, Jimmy had asked him to stay back and he’d agreed and he’s settled in that decision and that’s final—
“I can’t do that,” he says, and there’s a bit of panic rising in his throat, but he swallows it down as best he can. “I—you’re the leader, I can’t—I don’t—”
“Scott,” Jimmy says softly.
Scott stops.
“I’m not going,” he continues. “And they’ll follow you. Even False will follow you, if you can convince her. But I can’t go through the Rift.”
“Why not?”
Jimmy chews on the inside of his cheek. The fire that normally burns so brightly behind his eyes is dim, his body hunched over itself a little bit. He fiddles with his vest a little, then looks out again over the plains.
“It was in the catacombs,” Jimmy starts, his voice still lower than Scott’s ever heard before. “I was marking our path with chalk. And. . . .”
He shakes back the cuff of his right sleeve, and there, on his wrist, is a tiny pink splotch, raw scrapes from where it’s clearly been scratched at swelling it further.
Scott stares.
“I didn’t know what to say,” Jimmy says, a bit of a wry smile playing upon his lips. “Not when we couldn’t stop moving while we were down there. Not when Shelby needed comfort. Not when we need to focus everything on her.”
Oh.
Jimmy’s dying, too.
And Scott supposes he ought to feel something about that—sadness, at losing another friend; relief, that the killer who began this whole thing will meet his end; even despair at the loss of their leader.
He doesn’t feel any of that, though.
He mostly feels tired.
“We might be able to heal you,” he offers. The words come out halfhearted, as genuine as they are. “If it works with Shelby, we can do it with you, right? We can just put off the Rift thing until you’re both better.”
“And if Shelby doesn’t get better?”
Scott looks away.
“I want to stay,” Jimmy says. “I do. But I can’t. And maybe it’s selfish, Scott, but I don’t want them to know that . . . that I’ve been hiding this from them.”
“Like you hid the stuff about Joel from me.”
Jimmy grimaces. “Yeah. I’m not really good with confrontations like that. You saw what happened. But I couldn’t just leave without telling someone, you know?”
“So . . . you’re leaving,” Scott says. He glances out toward the plains, the little patches of darkness that mar them. “To—what, to become like Oli? Instead of staying here, where we can help you . . . go peacefully, I guess?”
Jimmy shakes his head. “I don’t care much for the idea of staying in bed, all still and sick ‘til it’s over. I figure I’ll just head out quietly, yeah? I already packed my bag. I just wanted to make sure someone could be in charge.”
“I’m not a leader,” Scott reminds him. “What about fWhip?”
“fWhip’s a follower,” Jimmy shoots back instantly. “He gets too stressed to actually lead.”
“Katherine?”
“I don’t think she’ll want to go through the Rift,” Jimmy says. He’s clearly given this a lot of thought. “She said she’d come, but I bet my bootstraps she’ll back out last minute. And not Gem, either,” Jimmy adds when Scott opens his mouth. “Scott, I chose you because you’re the one who fought back when you thought I’d made a wrong choice. You spoke up. And not just then—you suggest your own plans all the time. You’re a leader, even if you don’t know it.”
Scott wants to argue. He wants to tell Jimmy all the ways he wouldn’t be a good leader, all the times he’s screwed up, all the illegal things he’s done.
But there isn’t time.
There is time, however, to spend another moment with Jimmy, so Scott heaves himself onto the boulder beside him and leans, just a little bit, against him.
Jimmy tenses, then slowly, carefully, rests his head on Scott’s shoulder.
Scott can feel through his shirt that Jimmy’s forehead is a decent bit warmer than it ought to be.
They just sit there, as the sun rises, leaning against each other, staring out at the plains beyond the border. The world is silent, no wildlife left to wake up.
It’s strange, Scott thinks, because for all the various emotions he’s felt about Jimmy—the small crush he’d had for so long that had given way to anger and a little fear when he’d learned of Joel’s fate, the affection, the apprehension, the respect, the irritation—he feels absolutely nothing in this moment.
After maybe ten minutes, Jimmy’s muscles tense (as if he’s preparing to carry something heavy) and he pulls away, brushes off his wrinkled shirt, and stretches his arms out.
“I should probably head out before the town wakes up,” he says. “Get away before anyone can stop me.”
“Sure,” Scott says, quiet, then adds, “what do you want me to tell them?”
Jimmy pauses, looks in the direction of the church (obscured by the woods) and then back to the plains. “Not the truth,” he says eventually. “I don’t care what. Better to let ‘em believe I’m a deserter, probably. I don’t want them to try and find me.” He idly scratches at the spot on his wrist, before adding, voice quieter, “And I don’t want them to be sad. I don’t want them to have to grieve me. It’s better for them to be angry, I think.”
Which Scott thinks is unfair to Jimmy’s memory (not that he’s a memory yet), but. Dying men and their wishes and all that.
“Where are you planning on going?”
“Wander,” says Jimmy. “See if I can find a way to kill those buggers. Look for Pix, maybe. Then die peaceful-like in a ditch, probably.”
Scott doesn’t laugh at the poor attempt at a joke. Jimmy doesn’t either. Instead, the Sheriff gives him a sad smile, picks up his satchel that had been leaning against the boulder unnoticed, and steps across the border.
Scott sits there and watches until he’s just a speck in the distance, swallowed up by the hills.
-
“And what, he didn’t even give you a reason? He just left?” Gem demands, and Scott’s never seen her this angry.
He shrugs helplessly. “That’s all I know. I woke up, I came over to check on Shelby, he left me in charge, and then he left.”
If Scott’s omitting certain irrelevant parts of the story, nobody will ever know. Because despite the way it itches at him uncomfortably, it had been Jimmy’s dying wish to not tell them why he’d left.
“I can’t believe this,” Gem huffs. “I thought he actually cared. Forget him.”
fWhip’s sequestered himself awkwardly in the corner of the foyer, arms hugged tight around himself. His eyes are shining in the dim light, and Scott looks away quickly before he can confirm them to be tears.
Katherine’s angry as well, arms folded tightly over her chest, hair coming out of its braid. “Coward. Doesn’t want to face what we’d do to him if the Rift takes us someplace safe.”
Scott cringes internally. He doesn’t speak up.
“So, Jimmy ran for it,” Gem says, counting on her fingers. “Jimmy ran, Shelby’s down, Sausage is with her. Pix is gone, Oli’s gone, Joey’s probably gone. Lizzie left. Tomorrow, half of us are going through the Rift.” She sighs. “Soon there’ll be no one left.”
“Well, if the Rift works out, we can come back and send everyone through,” Scott points out. “Even though there’d be no one left, at least we’d be alive.”
Everyone across the room nods. fWhip sniffles quietly.
“So,” Scott says after a moment (they’d all been waiting for something to be said, and it was usually Jimmy’s job but now Scott has Jimmy’s job and he’s not ready for this responsibility—). “We’re leaving tomorrow. Can someone fill me in on the plan, please?”
-
Scott finds himself sitting on that boulder, overlooking the plains (which are still unimpressive compared to literally every other view of Sanctuary). He hadn’t even known this boulder existed, in more than a passing sense, until Jimmy showed it to him this morning.
He doesn’t have time to mourn, no time to mourn anything that’s happened over the past couple of months, but he does have a moment to sit by himself and mentally prepare for the plan that they've spent the past hour going over.
Or at least, he thinks he does, because he’s barely been there for ten minutes when someone clambers onto it beside him.
“Hey,” Katherine says.
“Hey.”
She sighs, looks out over the plains and the mites that inhabit them. “Terrible view,” she comments after a moment.
Scott snorts. “Exactly what I thought.”
Silence.
Scott hasn’t had much to do with Katherine—she helped him stitch a copy of his fedora, of course, but outside of that afternoon of sewing, they haven’t really hung out. Not like he has with Shelby, or Jimmy, or Joel.
All of his friends are dead or dying.
Except Sausage. Everyone always seems to overlook Sausage.
“He liked you, you know,” Katherine says out of the blue.
Scott chokes a little bit. “Sorry?”
“Jimmy,” she says, as if it’s obvious. “I know you had a thing for him. If you’d asked him out, he would’ve said yes.”
Right. Well, that’s a revelation that Scott doesn’t have time to process. And unfair of her to put on him. “Did you ever ask Shelby out?” he asks dryly.
Katherine inclines her head. “Touche.”
“I had a thing for Jimmy, he had a thing for Joey, Joey had a thing for you, you had a thing for Shelby—if anyone tried to pair off, it would’ve caused wars.”
“Or a big, happy polycule,” Katherine suggests. “Then maybe none of this would’ve happened. And Jimmy can still be the leader, which would keep his ego soothed."
Scott frowns. “Wait, why does Jimmy get to lead the polycule?”
Katherine gives him a look. “Oh, come on,” she says. “Literally all of you guys were down so bad for him. Gem and I used to bet on who would crack first and confess.”
And Scott had thought he’d been rather subtle about his affections for Jimmy. The Sheriff tended to eschew romance in general (he’d always looked out of his depth when Scott tried to talk about Katherine’s little love triangle), so Scott had been careful about not overwhelming him or crossing any boundaries. In fact, he’d become so used to dissociating romance from Jimmy, he must have not noticed several fellow rulers pining after the Sheriff.
Which is kind of disappointing. He must’ve missed out on months of gossip.
And it’s all in the past, now.
“So, about tomorrow. . . .” Katherine starts.
“You don’t want to come,” guesses Scott. She turns a shocked look on him.
“How—? Never mind. You’re just a natural leader, I guess.” She takes a deep breath. “Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it, and I want to stay with Shelby.”
Scott nods. “I figured,” he says. He didn’t. Jimmy figured, and Scott’s just passing along his assumptions.
Now, more than ever, Scott understands why everyone else valued Jimmy being a good leader despite his murderous tendencies.
“Right. Well, is that cool?” she asks.
He’d love to have Katherine with him when they come out on the other side of the Rift, knowing nothing about what might be waiting for them.
But on the other hand, he won’t pull her away from Shelby in what’s possibly Shelby’s final days.
“It’s not a problem,” he says. “I’ll see if False will join us instead. I’m not going to make you do anything. And I think Shelby needs you more than I do.”
Katherine shoots him a small smile. “Yeah. Thanks. But if everything works out, we’ll all be headed through soon, anyway.”
“Hopefully Sausage has another sheep.”
“Right.”
“Right.”
It’s not healthy to suppress emotions like this (Scott’s well aware of that, if nothing else), but he finds himself relieved that he doesn’t feel more than a distant sadness at Katherine’s decision to stay.
“You know,” Katherine says after a moment, “I knew Jimmy decently well. And if there’s one thing I know about him, it’s that he isn’t a coward.”
Scott doesn’t say anything. Just remembers that when he told them all what had happened, the first thing Katherine had done was call Jimmy a coward. Words of anger, perhaps? Or is her new admission a lie?
“It . . . it hurts to know that he just left us. I can’t decide if he had a reason, or if it really was just running away.” She sighs. “Everyone’s selfish when it comes down to it, I guess.”
Scott nods. “Yeah,” he finds himself agreeing. Just hours ago, he’d sat on this boulder with Jimmy leaning against him, feverish and likely hallucinating as he gathered the strength to strike off alone.
And just two months ago, Jimmy had killed a god out of quick-tempered anger and selfishness, dooming the world.
“Yeah,” Scott says again. “It’s what makes us human, I guess.”
-
Sausage, tired as he is, gives Scott a warm hug before they leave.
“Take care, Scott,” he whispers, beard tickling Scott’s ear. Scott nods, swallows back the lump in his throat.
“You too. Get Shelby better, yeah?”
Sausage doesn’t respond, just squeezes him and turns back to Shelby.
Shelby doesn’t acknowledge Scott when he bends over to give her a hug, her eyes squeezed shut and heat radiating off of her. He doesn’t say anything, just holds her tight for a solid ten seconds.
Katherine gives him a quick hug on the way out, and Gem and fWhip and False are waiting on the airship already (with the sheep just hanging out behind them, which is a ludicrous sight), so he hurries along and clambers up to join them, adjusting his backpack on his shoulders and his trusty shovel at his hip.
“Bye!” Katherine waves from the ground. Gem waves back right as the turbines start spinning and the airship slowly takes off.
Scott grips the railing, staring down over Sanctuary. From this height, he can tell that the protective magic around the town is beginning to fail. It’s patchy, almost open, from above, and it’s shrunk so much that the houses on the edge of town are beginning to fall outside of the line.
Some sort of emotion wells up in Scott, and he isn’t sure if it’s fear or grief or what, just knows that it’s making his stomach turn.
Whether or not the Rift thing works out, he probably won’t ever see Sanctuary again.
He may never see Sausage or Shelby again. He’ll never see Chromia, or the Evermoor, or Tumble Town, or any of this world ever again.
Scott heaves a sigh, then turns around, to find fWhip and Gem watching him.
“Sorry, what?” he blinks a few times. “Did you—did you say something?”
fWhip shrugs. “You’re the leader now,” he says awkwardly. “Just waiting for you to go over the plan.”
“I just learned the plan from you yesterday,” Scott points out. “Surely you know it better than me.”
“I guess, but . . . Jimmy always did it.”
“Right.” Scott forgot that he would actually have responsibilities. He’d never paid much attention to what Jimmy did, other than run himself into the ground patrolling and cause the apocalypse. “Um. False will drop the sheep on the other side of the river from the Rift, hopefully attracting the mites. We head through the Rift while they’re distracted. That’s . . . that’s it.”
Gem frowns. “I expected more.”
“What else do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know. More.”
Scott rolls his eyes. “Well, I don’t have anything else to say. Give me a couple of minutes, I’ll make something up.”
fWhip actually grins a little. Which is great, because Scott’s pretty sure he’s barely stopped crying since yesterday.
Then he turns back, and watches the miles pass below them until he can see the mountain that holds the pulsing Rift in the distance, the ground around it so overwhelmed by mites that the terrain is no longer familiar. Somewhere within the festival grounds that had never been properly used is a torn flag hanging from a bent flagpole, tatters flapping in the wind.
Finally, whatever it is in Scott’s stomach resolves itself into a properly identifiable feeling.
He feels fear.
Which, unsurprisingly, he doesn’t have time for.
“We all know the plan?” he finds himself yelling over the sound of the airship, as if they hadn’t just gone over it. Gem and fWhip nod, fWhip already leading the sheep to the edge.
Just as False passes over the river, by the bridge, fWhip shoves the bleating sheep overboard.
Even from as far up as they are, Scott hears it hit the ground with a crunch and cringes, wishing he’d thought to cover his ears.
But it works.
The mites that had been squirming around the Rift begin to crawl en masse in the direction of the sheep, where already a few lucky mites are devouring the thing. They’re going to have to move fast—this is in no way a permanent solution, especially considering the multiplication that’s going to take place.
Scott throws the rope ladder over the side when False halts the airship, looks around for—for no one, he’s the leader, he has to go first.
And he’s right—he’ll need to move faster than ever, what with the still sizable collection of mites below him.
Scott swallows, his mouth utterly dry. There’s a pretty good chance this is the last thing he’ll ever do. There’s no guarantee that there’s even anything more than a hellscape on the other side of the Rift.
But if this is his last act, at least he won’t have to be in charge any more.
Scott swings himself over the railing and finds his footing on the waving rope ladder, before hauling himself down as quickly as he can. The wind is blowing the ladder all over the place, and it’s all Scott can do to hold on and not die of fright, but his arms (somehow growing used to this) hold firm and his toes curl around the rope and he somehow, gloriously, makes it to the bottom.
He starts yelling at the top of his lungs before he even touches the ground, nonsense and folk tunes and wordless, whatever he can think of, just to frighten the darkness away a bit. He starts glaring as soon as he can look away from his own feet, clearing a nice space for fWhip and Gem to land.
Scott double-checks that his pant legs are tucked into his boots, then draws his shovel, holding it threateningly above his shoulder, ready to hit any mite that steps out of line.
There’s a lot of them. The grass is worn down around the Rift (so close Scott can hear it thrumming with power) by so many plaguelings stacked here, as if they know that a portal could lead to more places to corrupt but can’t figure out how to enter.
Scott’s voice cracks. He’s alone down here, surrounded by mites, the only way out is across that rickety bridge and even then it might—
Gem jumps the last couple of rungs, landing heavily on her feet beside Scott. fWhip scurries down the ladder right behind her, and then it’s just the three of them against the world.
“Ready to go?” Scott shouts. Gem nods, and her mouth’s moving but Scott can’t hear her over the sound of his own voice and the departing airship. She nods again, though, drawing her sword with one hand and holding onto fWhip with the other.
fWhip nods as well, his ears flapped over themselves to muffle the noise. Scott takes in a breath—they’re leaving it’s time to leave they’ll finally be out of here—and turns toward the Rift.
They have to cross the bridge, first. And as Scott takes his first step across it, the wood below his feet gives and his foot crashes through the bridge.
Scott loses track of his constant stream of noise, crying out in pain as the splintered wood scrapes up his leg like fire, all the way up to his knee, tearing through cloth and skin. There’s a mite just a few feet away from him, and surely more out of sight—he can’t stop here, he can’t catch his breath, he can’t wait for the pain to lull for a moment—it hurts and his stomach feels like it’s fallen out of his body but he can’t stop—so Scott grits his teeth and yanks his leg up, the wood scraping right back down the marks it just made until he’s properly standing again.
“Scott!” Gem grabs onto him, pulling him back a couple of steps—Scott hisses at the weight on his leg—
fWhip darts forward, testing the bridge on all fours, tail swinging out behind him for balance. It bends beneath him, but it doesn’t break like it had for Scott, and fWhip manages to cross entirely.
“One at a time,” he calls back. “And be careful—I think they’re swarming under it!”
Scott bites back a snarky response. He knows to be careful—it’s not like it was his fault the bridge broke under him. But he gingerly steps around the hole in the bridge and tiptoes across, his leg smarting, skin now bared to the wind.
Gem joins him on the other side. The Rift is within reach now, warm and pulsing purple, just a couple of meters away and they’re home free.
There are quite a few mites waiting between them and the Rift, however. That’s certainly an issue, but not unmanageable. He handled more in Stratos, probably.
Scott starts swinging with his shovel, yelling every curse he can think of, but he’s only cleared a few before fWhip grabs him by the shoulder and pulls him roughly to look to his right.
Returning from across the river, sheep entirely gone, is a veritable wave of death.
The mites are piled higher than Scott is tall, practically twice his height, an amorphous being that looms over them like Joel once had.
Scott’s mind goes utterly blank. All he can hear is the pounding of his heart in his ears. All he can feel is his limbs shaking.
It’s moving fast, the shadow of the plague passing over them as the pile begins to collapse, in a matter of seconds mites will be raining down and latching onto them and they’ll die under the assault of so much death and Scott can’t make himself move—
Then Gem shoves him, and instinct kicks in.
Scott grabs Gem by the hand, fWhip by the arm, and runs.
He runs, and fWhip trips and Scott doesn’t let go, just hoists him back up with a strength he’s never had before and keeps going, because they’re going to die if they stay here and Scott’s never been more afraid in his life—
Something hits his back and bounces off—then again and again. Scott just has a moment to spare a thought, a prayer to whoever is listening that it didn’t touch his skin, and then he has to focus every thought he has on getting out.
Gem screams something, fWhip yells “We’re gonna make it!” and Scott bites his cheek and closes his eyes and his shoe catches on a stone—
Scott tumbles headfirst into the Rift.
-
The first sound he hears is the chirping of birds.
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