#*Circumstances....'' like god please. trans people talk about Being Trans sometimes. they talk to other trans people. let them say | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years

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i’m always 2 exhausted even by thinkng about it to even begin discussing At Length what’s So Exhausting About Billions’es Handling Of Their Trans Character (which is way way better than it could be) but like, some of the main points of it are

taylor can outright say that they’re nonbinary One Time, but otherwise their gender can only be Made Relevant via other people misgendering them and/or by being transphobic towards them, and this happens like. loads of times. and sometimes in ways that feel a touch excessive / kind of indulgent in reminding us like haha don’t forget this character Is Seen As ___ by people and their body and presentation is a matter of Fascination for cis audiences, but not necessarily respected, and we can see the character navigate this but they won’t discuss it at length b/c why would any trans person Want to talk about being trans OR have another trans person in their life to talk to, cuz what are the odds of That.

in relation to that last point: taylor can’t talk about their Not Cis experiences / reality, or even hardly mention it directly / by name, but the show can keep writing them as reaching out to random useless cis people in their life when these cis people are having some kind of super particular individual problem, and taylor laying out some really REALLY watered-down, vague, indirect version of their being trans as a way to show they Relate to whatever dumbass situation this awful cishet person has gotten themself into. being in some kind of frustrating situation? feeling alienated or isolated or undermined or misunderstood or judged? well i guess you’re experiencing a tiny bit of the trans existence! except you are not. and like, of Course a character would look like an asshole if they were like “boy taylor, now that i’ve had a rough week due to some really dumb problem, i think i understand what it must be like for you to be nonbinary!!!” but it’s fine if Taylor Chooses To Relate Their Transness to whatever some cishet loser is dealing with. no, being #outed as i-do-bdsm is nothing like being an out lgbtq individual. and like all these people in taylor’s sphere are nightmare people who don’t deserve their sympathy in the first place but that’s another gripe lmfao

can’t believe that was the “brief overview” version lmao but anyways, i was thinking about another weird and kinda frustrating thing that someone brought up on twitter

well actually it was kinda what two people were talking about on twitter, and the first thing was how like, yknow in a show like this where the ppl focus of the series (supposed to be axe and chuck i guess like eugh can you even imagine) are Supposed To Be Assholes? it’s always like, how those main chars in “prestige drama” are generally men who are *meant* to be seen as shitty and probably dumbasses, and yet like, there’s an inherent Sympathetic Treatment in focusing on them and in having their godawful exploits drive a lot of the plot and action and suspense and etc, and it’s not exactly enough to just say like “oh but you’re suppoooosed to Know that they suck”

but the second thing was how in “Prestige Drama” Tv With Shitty Protagonists, there has this tendency to have the crappy usually-cishet-white-abled-men main chars be like, not ever really display any “””especial””” level of bigotry?? saying something how like, any big -isms or -phobias seems to be reserved for the “”””real”””” bad guys. and that kinda ties in a bit i think with how, even if there’s the “well they’re supposed to seem unsympathetic” justification, they’re still........not really supposed to seem too unsympathetic. and it’s not that anyone would ever think it’s ~realistic~ for a nonbinary person to be in the world of High Finance and be able to announce their pronouns and have their identity for-the-most-part respected by everyone right off the bat, and i sure don’t want billions to be going for that ~realism~ on this one thing (especially when it doesn’t exactly try to strictly hold itself to Realism in plenty of other regards) and have taylor dealing with constant misgendering and likely no one with authority consistently watching out for them in this manner and people telling shitty jokes behind their back and etc etc etc which might be more ~realistic~ but please don’t.........

but at the same time it’s awfully convenient that apparently everyone at axe cap is such a committed Trans Ally that even when taylor defects by the end of s3 and everyone is like “booo hiss we hate taylor” they all feel free to disrespect taylor in pretty much any way Except for showing any signs of transphobia, ever. very nice that none of these characters have to bear the burden of being labeled A Real Jerk for insulting taylor on the grounds of their being trans (other insults are fine). like the guy on twitter said, bigotry is only for the Really real bad guys who really only need to be one-dimensional or in the background or otherwise not given that much attention.

like it exasperated me So much when there was some scene with axe and wags and wendy (like, scream. already i’m in hell. for gods sake) where wendy’s getting the green light to try to sabotage taylor’s relationship with their dad (to.....destabilize their fund?? just kinda bum them out, possibly??? it seems to be the latter 9_9 ) and axe is like “yeah fuck it, go for it, grrrr i hate taylor >:| “ and wendy says something in which she then Pauses and adds a footnote to her sentence, in which she clarifies that by “them,” she is referring to taylor, not taylor and [someone else she’d mentioned in the same sentence]. it’s just exhausting, ugh. like, yeah yeah believe me everyone who uses singular They pronouns knows allll about how oh no, there’s the chance for Ambiguity now!!! we never have that problem with other pronouns ever!!! and it means we deserve to force people to pick He or She! and it’s just like, ugh. yeah thank you for reminding us that these three bastards who are currently plotting how to permanently destroy a familial relationship of tay’s are nevertheless being sure to Respect Their Pronouns while doing so!!! not that they *shouldn’t* but like, as fucking though. and it’s just so......fucking unnecessary ugh. you don’t have to awkwardly make sure to point out you were using ~the singular They~ right then just as this clunky reminder that oh i’m not Transphobic @ them tho........like shut up thanks so much. i would like for taylor to never have to interact with wendy again, but god knows im sure that wish won’t come true. like, you didn’t have to clarify in the first place. and it’s so nice that all these nightmare individuals are such committed #allies. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

#again not that i Want them to be more ~realistically transphobic~ but it's all sooo annoying #and again like. the interviewee comes in and misgenders your trans coworker? and you don't say a god damn thing to correct him? ty SO much..#nobody's even Actually that good at supporting this trans individual's Existence In This Space but. they're not blatantly transphobic so!!!!#conveniently enough none of them have to get the Easily Hateable Points for it; not that the general billions audience is where i'd expect 2 #find a zillion trans allies or ppl capable of encountering the concept of Nonbinary Identities without imploding for 2.3 weeks #and of course there's the inherent limitations of taylor being a) a trans character set in this world of High Finance and b) the Only trans #character that we know of on the show.......they have to represent The Entire Experience and Every Non-Cis Person Ever ughh #but the approach of (this character will never talk about their Being Trans if they can help it) and (we'll have other ppl force Their Being #Trans into being directly relevant by being shitty to them about it / forcing them into situations in which they have to deal w/ transphobia #just like. kill me. and even the ''look how Not Transphobic this person is'' is hardly done right like. yeah wow #i'm sure that for axe it's like oh he ~doesn't Care abt ur identity~ as long as you can Get Those Results!!!!! great..#it's not like a trans person couldn't relate their Transness to a certain experience that a cis person has #it's just that that experience would Not be something like [axe being in timeout for insider trading and shit]#e.g. inchrestingly i think that [autistic experience] and [lgbtq experience] are ones that have some real solid parallels / similarities #aka some opportunities for fun convos betwixt winnie n tay wherein like...not that The Hc isn't that winston is Gay but also like #one of those rare times i don't particularly think abt this Wrol Character as being trans. he could be!! nobody can stop us! but yeah like #if in theory taylor was relating their transience (haha....nah seriously their Transness) to this cis autistic person's experience....#there would be a lot more Genuineness (there needs to be a better form of that word ugh) and value in that conversation than all the other #times Billions has them make their being trans more like....palatable / watered-down by like ''wow i understand Experiencing Undesirable Cir #*Circumstances....'' like god please. trans people talk about Being Trans sometimes. they talk to other trans people. let them say #''nonbinary'' more than once #ANYWAYS ugh it's all just. ex as pe ra ti ng #it's very exhausting seeing this content which is clearly For(tm) a cis audience like. i appreciate that taylor's shitty father's transphbia #and disrespect towards taylor in that matter is probably the way that plenty of the audience feels towards taylor and it's Nice that taylor #gets to smack that shit down but. it's very!!!!!! exhausting ugh!!!!!! im used to The Clipz now but boy it was stressful the 1st time around #and it still is.......love 2 b misgendered even when it's ~not a big deal~.......#all of this on the authority that im trans / nonbinary (and autistic; re: that sidenote lol. and also not straight either)#not that being nonbinary is separate from being trans b/c it's not unless you just so happen to not id as trans #coz guess what....ppl who ''qualify'' as trans don't Have to use that particular label / feel that it applies whether theyre nonbinary orNot #and being nonbinary is never inherently distinct from being trans. being trans means You Aren't Cis (and you describe urself as trans)

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tlcwrites · 3 years

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Two Hearts Make a Whole

Prompt: “Kiss me again, like you mean it.” Photo prompt below.

Summary: NYC Pride is for celebration, and occasionally, long-overdue revelations.

Word Count: 2,001

Tags/Content warnings: Marvel. Stucky. If you have a problem with it, there's the door. SFW. Slight TFATWS spoilers so read at your own risk. Platonic Reader. Two idiots in love. Technically canon-divergent because I'm still in my everyone-is-alive-and-in-this-timeline happy place that I will never ever leave fuck you very much Russo brothers but not AU. Found family. All the feels. Complete and total LGBTQ+ support. Lots of bad language words because #me. Un-beta'd.

Author’s Note: Okay so yes this is technically 4 weeks late for @autumnleaves1991-blog's Writer Wednesday weekly challenge. BUT, it was incredibly important to me to finish this one before Pride month is over. Made it by the skin of my teeth.

Happy Pride, y’all. If you’re out, you’re amazing. If you’re closeted, you’re amazing. However you identify is valid and important. Trans folx are LGBTQ+. Bisexuals are LGBTQ+. Ace folx are LGBTQ+. Anyone who identifies or thinks they may be as queer is LGBTQ+. All are welcome in the family. You have the right to choose your pronouns and we have the responsibility to use them. Live whatever your truth looks like to you and love each other. Love is love is love is love. If your family doesn’t accept you for you, I’m your mom now and I’ve got mom hugs available on demand. Homophobes and TERFS can fuck off and roll in poison ivy. Always punch Nazis. Pride shouldn't be limited to the month of June. And don’t you dare forget that Black and Brown trans women were the ones who rioted at Stonewall, and we owe everything to their bravery. Don’t forget that much of popular ‘gay’ culture was appropriated from Black women. And for more facts about Pride that you should absolutely know, Rawiyah Tariq (@ mammyisdead on Instagram) has a phenomenally good overview.

“Oh my god.” You gasp loudly. "Oh my GOD. Is that-"

“What?!” Instantly in First Avenger Protective Mode™️, Steve surveys the crowd, wishing he had an actual shield instead of the screen printed one on his shirt. “What is it?”

You gasp again, smacking Sam’s arm repeatedly. “OHMYGOD IT IS HOLY FUCK.”

“First; ow.” Now-Cap rubs his bicep. “Second; clue in the class before Steve has an aneurysm, please.”

Vibrating with excitement doesn’t begin to describe your current state. “HER ROYAL HIGHNESS MISS LEMON MERINGUE IS STANDING RIGHT FUCKING THERE.”

With the finesse of a shampoo commercial, Bucky's dark locks fly as he whips around. “What?!”

“RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE RIGHT THERE.” You abandon a relieved Sam and latch on to Bucky’s vibranium arm. “Oh my GOD I love her so fucking much.”

“She was robbed, absolutely fucking robbed,” he agrees, craning his neck to get a better view. “Divine Tension’s lip sync was shameful.”

Sam glances at Steve, who is slowly coming out of protector mode. “What the ever-loving hell are they talking about?”

“RuPaul’s Drag Race.” Nat flicks more confetti at both Cap-the-former and Cap-the-current. “They watch it every week.”

“Really, Steven, for a guy with enhanced super senses, you miss a lot.” Tony hefts a bedazzled Morgan higher on his back. The toddler, accompanied by Scott playing air-piano on the ground, sings along with the ABBA song being blasted at full volume through the street. Tony continues as if this is an everyday occurrence. “Why do you think both of your People disappear every Friday evening?”

Ears pink, Steve mumbles something.

“What?!” The only other one with hearing enhanced enough to hear a murmur over the cacophony of several thousand people belting out the chorus of ‘Dancing Queen’ at the top of their lungs, Bucky turns to stare at his friend. “You thought we were datin’?”

Steve’s blush extends down his neck.

You and Bucky stare at each other for a moment before you both collapse on each other, exploding into stomach clenching, thigh slapping laughter.

“I’m gonna guess that’s a ‘no’?” Clint confirms with Nat.

“Oh, a big ‘no’.” She watches affectionately as you and Bucky calm down enough to look at each other, breathe for a second, and both promptly dissolve into hysterics once more. “Like, the biggest ‘no’.”

Sam crossed his arms across his chest, his stoic stance so reminiscent of Steve it’s amusing (as well as a beautiful disparity to the sequined crop top he’s sporting. Oof, those abs.). “How do I not know about this?”

“Because you’re not a former super spy?” The usually-Black-but-today-Rainbow Widow tosses the last of her confetti at Tony, who spins a jubilant Morgan into it. “Or because you and that leggy barista from the lobby coffee shop are too busy playing hide-the-“

“-Baby Shark!” Morgan suddenly shrieks, flailing towards a guy on roller blades wearing a fin and tail (and not much else).

“Yeah,” Nat finishes with a smirk, “Hide-the-Baby Shark.”

Sam flips her a gesture that makes Clint laugh and Bruce sigh.

You and Bucky have finally managed to pull yourselves together. “Oh my god, Steven Grant,” you gasp, wiping tears from your eyes. “That’s the funniest fucking shit I’ve ever fucking heard.”

“Language!”

Steve glares at Tony. “One. Time. It was one. Time.”

Bucky slings his flesh arm around Steve’s shoulders. “Oh, punk. You may have perfect vision now, but sometimes you’re still as blind as you were before.”

Visiortn himself nods sagely. “Humans can be quite unperceptive when it comes to matters of the heart.” Vision casts a fond smile at Wanda, who is using her powers to make Pietro’s tinsel wig fly on and off. “Sometimes you have to look harder to see what’s right in front of your nose.”

A confused frown on that handsome face, Captain Clueless looks at Bucky. “Why do I feel like everyone else knows something that I don’t?”

His bestie sighs deeply. “Because, Stevie, almost everyone else on this planet knows that my tastes tend towards tall, blonde, blue-eyed knuckleheads who have zero sense of self-preservation.”

“And an ass you could bounce a quarter off of,” Scott helpfully supplies.

“And that,” Bucky agrees.

Steve frowns.

You press your palms to your eyes in vexation. “You, Steve. He’s talking about you.” (Seriously, how has this idiot survived for over a century while being so dumb?)

Whatever he was expecting, it was certainly not that. “He-“ The Man With A Plan gapes as he turns to his oldest friend. “You-“

“Me,” Bucky says gently.

Even though you’re slightly surprised that Bucky is going to do this in such a public forum, you can’t help but be so proud of your friend. It has taken a long time for Bucky to believe he deserves to be happy. There are days he still sinks into that dark place, where his inner demons whisper that he should have fought harder against his Hydra captors, and that his past actions were still somehow his fault. Those are the days no amount of baking or Modern Marvels will bring him out of his funk. You, Steve, Sam, and Nat have all held those strong shoulders as they shook with sobs, overwhelmed by the shame and horror at what his hands had done without his consent.

But he’s here. He’s free. And he’s smiling nervously at his best friend.

“I-” Steve is short-circuiting. “Me?!”

“Stevie.” With the kind of tender patience that can only be born of a lifetime of keeping (or attempting to keep) an idiot such as one Steven Grant Rogers from flinging himself headlong into every fight he comes across, Bucky moves his flesh hand to the back of Steve’s neck. His face is full of such soft affection that you almost want to look away for fear of intruding on this suddenly intimate moment. “What do you think ‘til the end of the line’ means, you idiot? You’ve been it for me since I was thirteen-years-old.”

Blue eyes are locked with blue eyes as Steve processes this revelation. “I-” He shakes his head as if to declutter his thoughts. “This whole time?”

“Since the first time I saw that asshole knock you down, and your scrawny ass climbed right back up.” A wry chuckle escapes as Bucky reminices. “You were ninety pounds soaking wet, and you stood there, against a guy who was three times your size, and never waivered for a second. It was magnificent.”

“I don’t like bullies,” is Steve’s quiet response.

Bucky’s grin is adoring. “I know, sweetheart.” He gently strokes the back of Steve’s neck with his thumb. “You’ve always had a heart way bigger than your brain.”

Steve is still back on the first part of Bucky’s admission. “If you’ve felt- if you-” He’s practically pleading. “Why didn’t you say anything then?”

Bucky shrugs, attempting and failing nonchalance. “It was a different time, you know?” He’s uncharacteristically unsure of himself, the subtle waiver in his voice revealing the anxiety born of a lifetime of being forced to hide his truth. “I mean, you remember how it was; you didn’t talk about, no one talked about- about being- about people like...” He swallows thickly. “And I was so scared you didn’t, that you weren’t-” His voice breaks.

Even though you’ve all been emotionally invested in this love story for years, the entire team respectfully pretends not to listen as the former Winter Soldier quietly admits his deepest secret to his closest friend. It’s enraging as Bucky confesses yet another way he's been a victim of his circumstances, and denied his right to live freely without derision. Once more, you’re awed by his resilience.

“-it was a risk I couldn’t take,” Bucky finally gets out, that stubborn fire back in his eyes. “I couldn’t lose you, Steve. I couldn’t chance it. I could live with just being your friend and only your friend so long it meant you were in my life.”

Stunned silence meets the end of his confession. Steve’s face is impassive, those cerulean eyes uncharacteristically inscrutable.

You can all tell Bucky is heading steadily towards dread and heartbreak the longer Steve takes to respond. You and Sam exchange a look, both ready to intervene if Steve demonstrates any of the abhorrent attitudes that were so prevalent in the society of his youth. It would be completely out of character for him, but...

Finally, Steve speaks. “You’re telling me,” he says, his words slow and deliberate, “that you made me wait ninety-three years to tell me you’ve felt the same way about me as I have about you since the day you picked me up out of that alley?!”

The whole found family breaths a collective sigh of relief as Steve pulls Bucky even closer, broad chest to broad chest.

“Okay, to be fair, you were an ice cube for most of that time and I wasn’t exactly available for a relationship.” Bucky’s grin stands in contradiction to his mullish defense. “But yeah, that’s the gist of it.” There’s the Bucky you all know and love, biting his lip with those perfect white teeth. “Now, punk, I’d really like to kiss you now, but first I need you to say you want me to.”

“You-” Steve’s throat works as he attempts- and fails- to rein in his emotions. “You jerk.”

And then the Star Spangled Man seizes the president of the Sometimes-Former-Assassins Club by his ridiculously perfect face and crashes their mouths together.

At any Pride event, seeing two men kissing is, obviously, to be expected. But seeing The First Avenger and The White Wolf attempting to swallow each other’s tongues is not at all routine. As people realize what is happening, the crowd is whipped into a frenzy the likes of which is usually reserved for the aftermath of sporting events and elections that defeat fascists.

Watching the two men embrace, Scott sniffles loudly. “I’m gonna cry, I’m so happy.”

He’s certainly not the only one. Wanda has a watery smile as she wraps her arms around Vision and Pietro; Pepper, Tony, and Bruce are watching with fond parental energy; you and Sam sandwich Peter between the two of you, grins practically splitting your faces. Even Nat’s eyes look suspiciously shiny and she and Clint sling their arms around each other with platonic affection. And that’s not counting the several thousand people who are cheering for love being love being love being love.

When they finally break their embrace, the Centennial twins are startled to see they’ve collected quite an audience.

“Uh, so…” Suddenly bashful, Steve glances back to his- partner? Boyfriend? Soulmate? Is there a word that can accurately describe two people who have found each other time and again in a world that seems hell-bent on keeping them apart?- his ears practically maroon with embarrassment. For a guy with one of the most-recognized faces in the world, Steve is still incredibly and endearingly uncomfortable with attention. “Buck?”

Bucky seems just as stunned as Steve.

Thankfully, the masses demonstrate the usual support that’s the hallmark of Pride. “LOVE IS LOVE!” someone screams in the crowd. It’s quickly echoed, and chants fill the park.

The attention momentarily off them, the former Winter Soldier and his giant himbo of a soulmate look back at each other. You pretend not to watch through the happiest tears as they embrace again, bringing their foreheads together. The relief they share is palpable, as they’re finally able to show the world- and each other- the love they’ve each hidden for so long.

Bucky’s voice is so soft you have to strain to hear it. “You have no idea how much m’in love with you, Stevie.”

“Pretty sure I do,” Steve answers, bringing a hand up to carefully wipe the tears from Bucky’s face. “‘cause it’s as much as I love you, Buck.”

Bucky's answering grin can only be described as saucy. “Then kiss me again, like you mean it.”

And Steve, for once in his long life, does exactly as ordered.

---

A/N: “The Sometimes-Former-Assassins Club” is from Starry_Emerald173’s BRILLIANT The Avengers Wrangler over on AO3. If you haven’t read it yet, drop what you’re doing and do so immediately. Make sure you're not drinking any liquids, or your keyboard/phone may be in peril.

#writer wednesday #steve x bucky #stucky #steve rogers fic #pride #steve rogers fanfiction #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #stucky fanfic #stucky fanfiction #love is love #happy pride #steve rogers x bucky barnes #platonic reader #my writing

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13tinysocks · 3 years

Note

I wanna see some anti fanfic rec plspls

You asked for it. May I present, a creepypasta x reader anti-reading list.

Quick Disclaimer: No author names will be dropped nor fic links or sites they’re on. I dislike these works but I don’t want anybody to be harassed. Don’t go after people, holy shit. These works are only here because of some heavily disturbing content. One of them just makes me super mad because of a few circumstances. These are purely my opinions. I am not writing Jesus nor do I write the cleanest stories out there. Dark topics should be explored in fiction. However, some things just shouldn’t fucking be romanticized. Fanfic is practice, I’m not taking points off for wonky writing.

You’re allowed to like whatever the fuck you want. I’m not shaming you or the authors. I’m talking about media I dislike, which I am completely allowed to do. If your friend or favorite author’s work is in here, maybe don’t send this to them. I get it’s tempting but still, it could be upsetting. Again, don’t fucking harass anybody.

This list is in order of - Pisses me off to FBI open up to whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck.

Content warning for: Rape, miscarriages, abortion, necrophilia, sexism, child grooming, multiple types of abuse, ablism, and meanie head criticism of popular fics. Seriously, this gets exceptionally bad at the final one.

First up in our lineup a pretty popular. It’s the least upsetting and problematic. It’s a various creepypasta x reader mansion fic. This is more of an honorable mention because it’s frustrating to read over being super bad.

Recruited.

Summary: (Y/n) killed an attempted rapist and covered it up years ago. She is recruited into the cpp’s to be considered as a proxy along with two others. Follow her through a journey of no character development into becoming a proxy.

What’s wrong with it?

-Brian literally is a misogynist. He literally hates women.

-(Y/n) is an asshole. Not in an entertaining bad bitch way. No, in an unaware bland way. Points off for being a business major, girl you have no soul and it shows.

-She is treated like the voice of reason who is always morally correct. Thing is, if anyone is neurodivergent or mentally ill and ya’know shows symptoms of it, they’re cRaZy, evil, and an annoyance.

-Yes, people creeping on or getting clingy can be shitty/annoying but sometimes the way (Y/n) acts is completely unjust. It left a bad taste in my mouth because the character felt okay to be shitty to people who weren’t like her.

-The endings are disheartening and make no fucking sense. Cody, who is clingy at worst, gets rejected Jack, who TRIES TO BREAK (Y/N)’S FUCKING LEG, gets with her. Can I get a HELLO??????

-(Y/n) also doesn’t get with Jeff who suddenly turned into her brother character after hundreds of pages of romantic tension. Again, Recruited is not inherently bad but it may be really disappointing to people who are here for 1-2 specific characters.

-Queer bait-y author’s notes and inconstant love interests. Author’s notes would read like “Teehee, maybe I’ll make (Y/n) have Jane and/or Natalie endings……” But that never happens after it’s teased multiple times. I get not wanting to add more to your plate but don’t suggest it if you don’t want to do it or only want to please heterosexual readers.

-They put Tim outside like a dog for being a bad boy.

-Author’s notes and percentages fill in details for the reader that aren’t in the fic. I’m not going to read all of that. Put important information in the fic.

-Lot’s of excessive jealousy. Painfully heteronormative.

What about the good?

Readable. Dramatic like Big Brother. Can be an entertaining read if it’s your thing.

Conclusion

Left a bad taste in my mouth. I feel like the author literally hated half the cast and was annoyed while writing them. When you don’t enjoy writing something it shows. Also, her other work (pandemic! Reader X X-Virus) is super tone-deaf and I don’t recommend that either. Don’t recommend joining this fic’s Discord server either. Won’t get into details but in my and my friend's experience: it’s not a good environment with a lot of playing favorites.

Next up on our list is a grossly popular Eyeless Jack X Reader fic.

My Imaginary Monster

Summary: Immoral monster, Eyeless Jack, sneaking into a 5-year-old girl's room. He gets attached, sticks around through her childhood. Thing is, he gets real creepy. Starts to catch feelings for a 16-year-old he’s watched grow up. He kisses a minor who reciprocates his feelings which is textbook child grooming. Nasty fucker runs away, there’s some drama from that. (Y/n) grows up, comes back to town, and Jack’s a’creepin’.

What’s wrong with it?

-Jack is a literal child groomer.

-Do I need to say more??? Immortal adult kisses a 16 y/o. Gross.

-People in the comments are going gaga for grooming. Are you kidding me, he’s a pedophile.

-The OC’s take up more than half of the ~200 page run time. I couldn’t get attached to any of them even after the supposed significance. Which is fine but they took up so much of the fic that it got boring and annoying incredibly quickly.

What’s good about it?

I enjoyed Ben. He did the right thing and I can respect that. Trans and poluyamourus reprrensentation.

Conclusion:

No child grooming in my fucking lobby. I think the author was trying to paint it in a bad light. But the thing is, you can write a creepy stalker fic without making them a groomer. A lot of people are trying to escape their troubles through fanfic, including those who’ve dealt with sexual abuse. Don’t bring that into x reader spaces. Don’t put readers through that again.

Last and absolutely least we got a Tim X Reader.

BIG TW. FUCKING HUGE TW. MOST OF THE TW’S FROM EARLIER ARE FROM THIS ONE FIC.

Pure Forgiveness.

Summary: (Y/n) is abused by her mom. Her dad killed himself and she’s all (Y/n)’s got in this world. Until Tim comes along and “saves” her. He takes her to the mansion and keeps her as a pet to torture.

I’m going to get into all the nitty-gritty to satisfy your morbid curiosities so you don’t read it.

What’s wrong with it?

-Chapter 1 opens with (Y/n)’s miserable life. Her mom hates her so much she has a fucking torture table for (Y/n).

-There’s an attempted rape in chapter 2.

- She’s taken to the mansion by Tim in chapter 3 because he’s “off his medication” and “acting nicer than normal”. Hi, mentally ill person here, that’s not how it fucking works you ding dong.

-Mental illness is made out to we wholly evil.

-Also tic’s are made out to be scary. As a person with tics, don’t write tics as scary or super weird. Thanks.

-(Y/n) not being able to escape, fight back rapists, and other horrible shit is labeled as weak.

-At one point (Y/n) is dragged through the mansion, beer bottles and used condoms are thrown at her. Girl has to shower off cum.

-(Y/n) is tortured in various ways. Mostly beaten, berated, burned, cut, starved, etc.

-She is drugged and repeatedly raped by Brian and Toby. These rapes are recorded and shown to (Y/n).

-Brian has black hair. Why?

-Toby and Brian give (Y/n) a forced abortion.

-(Y/n) gets raped almost every fucking chapter.

-At one point Jack orally rapes (Y/n) to abort a baby.

-Toby and Brian are necrophiles. They skull fuck a corpse at some point. It is graphically described how they like to have sex with dead bodies.

-Slenderman forcefully impregnates (Y/n) to “keep the (Tim’s) baby safe” whatever the fuck that means.

Why does this happen?

Because Tim wants a kid because his dad raped his mom and his mom was a prostitute. He’s soooo sad guys :(((

Feeling hungry? Here’s some things that are eaten by various characters.

-Hair

-Cum (forced)

-Toby

-Piss

-A miscarried baby

What’s good about it?

Nothing. Fucking nothing. Don’t read it.

Conclusion

If you like this fic you need therapy, I’m not joking. It’s like a car crash and Rob Zombie movie horribly mish-mashed together. It sucks. The comments praise literal abuse and berate (Y/n) for being afraid. Fuck this fic and everything it stands for. It’s shock horror and torture for the sake of it. It makes no fucking sense and it’s harmful. People think this is okay. It’s not.

Thank you to my pals in the server for helping out and finishing some of these where I could not. Especially you Connie, everyone say thank you Connie she got through Pure Forgiveness. Absolute trooper legend. Again, don’t go out of your way to harass these people. I made this list so you can avoid these works because they have the potential to be upsetting. I’m not the police, I can’t force anyone to stop nor do I want to. Author’s are allowed to explore dark topics but some should be done respectfully or not at-fucking-all. I hope these people grow as writers and understand treating some things a certain way isn’t cool. You can enjoy dark fics, I do too, fuck I write them too, but Jesus God, some things are a no from me chief.

#creepypasta x reader #rea talks #anon #reply #tw rape #tw abuse #read what you want #im not demanding the cancelationof these people thats dumb i just hope they grow and change #i read and write dark fic but you have to be aware of some shit dude lol #also jealousy and yandere fics r typically bad #like not every fic i reccomend or write is going to be problem free but theyre tolerable and interresting i think #im deadass when i say dont read the last one it is awful.

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salamoonder · 4 years

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I had a lot of interesting experiences as a kid. Actually I want to bring this up real fast, because I feel like it's important. I want to...uh, I just want to apologize legitimately to anybody who felt uncomfortable in the-the story of the last Taryon episode and the reveal there. And I apologize if, you know, if that hit too close to home, if that was not the representation of your story that you wanted to see, and, uhm...I understand that it made a lot of people feel uncomfortable and I'm--I'm sorry, I'm legitimately sorry. Um, I put a post about it on Twitter, but, you know, text is easy to be misconstrued and you only have so much brainspace to put out there. Um, and I'm sure I've been torn apart on the internet, and that's fine. I-I-I--admit that. However, I do wanna say that I-I think that it's an important story to tell from what we understand of it. And when I say "what we understand of it", y'know, we all come from different backgrounds, and--this is gonna be a little real here for a second. Um. Y'know...we have our experiences to come from when it comes to story. Um, we as actors, we--we write and we only create from experience. And, um, Exandria is very much an open, uhhh, environment, for the most part. People are...you know, sexuality is--is just an open thing in society. There are couples of all different walks of life: asexual, uh, yknow, trans, nonbinary, gay, bi, everything, and it's all just kind of open in the world. Is the world free of ignorance? No. That--that's part of...life, and that's part of the story, because...you know. People are flawed, people are stupid. It's minimized in my world because I like to imagine a world where it is largely minimized, but that doesn't mean it's not gonna exist. Um...and what little bit of story, of Tary's story we've touched on, a lot of it improvised by Sam on the spot, and a lot we've talked about it since then and we developed a little beforehand to an extent, I think is an important story to tell. Um, and parts of it resonate. Uh, I've had people concerned that we were making fun of his kind of awakening, or, or, his coming to terms with his venture in the last episode, and I--I can honestly say if that--if it came across that way I'm sorry. That is not the case. We are--we're very very sensitive to these things and many of us have lived very close to or dealt with homophobia on our end as well. You know, I grew up a very androgynous, long haired, y'know, pretty boy who was quiet. Um. And God knows I spent a number of years of my youth being called f*ggot and being pushed around and you know I--you know I have a lot of very, very important people in my life, uh...who have dealt with far worse and have, you know, undergone a lot of terrible circumstances. And I--I. I feel for that a lot. And....you know like, my uncle Ted, for instance. Um, one of the most impactful people in my life, probably, at a young age. He was my--my dad's brother. He introduced me to musical theater, he introduced me to Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera. He--we used to play piano and sing songs on the piano and stuff, and he's--he's such a wonderful person. And as a kid I--I loved him, he was my favorite, uh. You know, relative on that side of the family. He also dealt with the difficulty of being married and having a child with his wife and then one day coming to terms with the fact that he was gay. And it--it. You know, it sundered a lot of--of that part of the family at the time, and, yknow, it was very hard to--to be in parts of the family that didn't understand that. And even as a kid I knew what was wrong, and what felt wrong, and what was being said. And. You know. And then get--and. I. Hm. I then had to watch him...you know, waste away over the years because...he caught HIV and then AIDS, and...at a time when it was very prominent, in the late 80s and early 90s. And then...you know, through the 90s, in-in a lot of ways was very hard for people of alternative sexualities because we didn't have communities. Uh, we didn't have the internet, we didn't have tumblr, we didn't have facebook. There weren't places you could go to feel safe, um, if your lifestyle was expected to be, uh, not the norm, or not accepted. And so I had a lot of friends and a lot of people that had to just suffer inside and had nowhere to talk, and occasionally meet somebody, uh, or find somebody who was comfortable enough to be out and proud. And then it was--permission was given, but even that was...met with a lot of difficulty. And so, like...it's...I'm glad we live in a world now, by comparison, where things are much more, uh...respected. And it's still a fight. God, it's still a fight. There's still so much to be done and it's still so much bullshit and so much disrespect and lack of empathy for people who just wanna be happy. And that bothers me on a deep level and I feel really hard. Um...but...I know that part of Tary's tale may not be the representation that some people hoped for in media. Um, but I've tried my best to represent other, happier lives and things where that was an open and a viable circumstance. Um. Tary's is important for people that grew up like maybe a lot of my friends did and didn't have that open, welcoming scenario. And, uh...I can't believe I'm doing this on the internet. Um. Um. Anyway. Uhh. I'm sorry. I'm doing the best I can. And, uh...not all stories are going to be for everybody, we can't please everybody with all the choices we make and I mess up and I fail and I stumble. And even if a few people get offended, I can't help but feel bad because I hate hurting people and I promise I'm doing my best. That's all. Uh. You know. Uh. When I said Tary's experience, uh...his scenario at the end of the last episode with, uh. With Trish, reminded me of a lot of friends growing up, you know. You know, every--every person has a point in life where they struggle with their own identity, and I had that too. I identify as heterosexual but I've had my years of curiosity, I've had my years of trying to figure out what it was, who I was. And uh, you know. Yeah, I myself am primarily attracted to women, but, you know, I--there are men that I've also found attractive in life, mostly about the person, the individual. And, uh. You know. Sometimes it--it takes an experience like what Tary had to finally feel confident in that. And not in a judgmental way. His was a little more comical because it's Sam and we wanna up the uncomf--the discomfort of a sequence sometimes with humor to offset to offset it, but. We try and treat it with respect because a lot of it plays to elements of our own lives or people that are close to us. Um, and so Tary's journey is--is in some ways still a personal one. For myself and other people in some ways. So just--you know. We're trying.

Matthew Mercer, Fireside Q & A with Matt Mercer on Talks Machina

#matthew mercer #taryon darrington #vox machina #critical role #talks machina #i'm not a professional but it felt safer to just quote him verbatim #hence the stuttering #apologies if i should not have done that

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geshertzarmeod · 3 years

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Favorite Books of 2020

I wanted to put together a list! I read 74 new books this year, and I keep track of that on Goodreads - feel free to add or follow me if you want to see everything! I’m going to focus on the highlights, and the books that stuck with me personally in one way or another, in approximate order. Also, all but two of them (#5 and #7 on the honorable mention list) are queer/trans in some way. Links are to Goodreads, but if you’re looking to get the books, I suggest your library, the Libby app using your library, your local bookstore, or Bookshop.

The Faggots & Their Friends Between Revolutions by Larry Mitchell, illus. by Ned Asta (originally published 1977). I had a hard beginning of the year and was in a work environment where my queerness was just not welcomed or wanted. I read this in the middle of all of that, and it helped me so much. I took this book with me everywhere. I read it on planes. I read it on the bus, and on trains, and at shul. I showed it to friends... sometimes at shul, or professional development conferences. It healed my soul. Now I can’t find it and might get a new copy. When I reviewed it, in February, I wrote: “I think we all need this book right now, but I really needed this book right now. Wow. This book is magic, and brings back a sense of magic and beauty to my relationship with the world.” Also I bought my copy last July, in a gay bookstore on Castro St. in SF, and that in itself is just beautiful to me. (Here’s a post I made with some excerpts)

Once & Future duology, especially the sequel, Sword in the Stars, by A.R. Capetta and Cory McCarthy. Cis pansexual female King Arthur Ari Helix (she's the 42nd reincarnation and the first female one) in futuristic space with Arab ancestry (but like, from a planet where people from that area of earth migrated to because, futuristic space) works to end Future Evil Amazon.com Space Empire with her found family with a token straight cis man and token white person. Merlin is backwards-aging so he's a gay teenager with a crush and thousands of years of baggage. The book’s entire basis is found family, and it's got King Arthur in space. And the sequel hijacks the original myth and says “fuck you pop culture, it was whitewashed and straightwashed, there were queer and trans people of color and strong women there the whole time.” Which is like, my favorite thing to find in media, and a big part of why I love Xena so much. It’s like revisionist history to make it better except it’s actually probably true in ways. Anyway please read these books but also be prepared for an absolutely absurd and wild ride. Full disclosure though, I didn’t love the first book so much, it’s worth it for the sequel!

The Wicker King by K. Ancrum. This book hurt. It still hurts. But it was so good. It took me on a whole journey, and brought me to my destination just like it intended the whole time. The author’s note at the end made me cry! The sheer NEED from this book, the way the main relationship develops and shifts, and how you PERCEIVE the main relationship develops and shifts. I’m in awe of Ancrum’s writing. If you like your ships feral and needy and desperate and wanting and D/S vibes and lowkey super unhealthy but with the potential, with work, to become healthy and beautiful and right, read this book. This might be another one to check trigger warnings for though.

The Entirety of The Daevabad Trilogy by S.A. Chakraborty. I hadn’t heard of this series until this year, when a good friend recommended it to me. It filled the black hole in me left by Harry Potter. The political and mystical/fantasy world building is just *chef’s kiss* - the complexity! The morally grey, everyone’s-done-awful-things-but-some-people-are-still-trying-to-do-good tapestry! The ROMANCE oh my GOD the romance. If I’m absolutely fully invested in a heterosexual romance you know a book is good, but also this book had background (and then later less background) queer characters! And the DRAMA!!! The third book went in a direction that felt a little out of nowhere but honestly I loved the ride. I stayed up until 6am multiple times reading this series and I’d do it again.

An Unkindness of Ghosts by Rivers Solomon. I loved this book so much that it’s the only book I reviewed on my basically abandoned attempt at a book blog. This book is haunting, horrifying, disturbing, dark, but so, so good. The character's voices were so specific and clear, the relationships so clearly affected by circumstance and yet loving in the ways they could be. This is my favorite portrayal of gender maybe ever, it’s just... I don’t even have the words but I saw a post @audible-smiles made about it that’s been rattling in my head since. And, “you gender-malcontent. You otherling,” as tender pillow talk??? Be still my heart. Be ready, though, this book has all the triggers.. it’s a .

Felix Ever After by Kacen Callender. This book called me out on my perspective on love. Also, it made me cry a lot. And it has two different interesting well-written romance storylines. And a realistic coming-into-identity narrative about a Black trans demiboy. And a nuanced discussion of college plans and what one might do after college. And some big beautiful romcom moments. I wish I had it in high school. I’m so glad I have it now! (trigger warning for transphobia & outing, but the people responsible are held accountable by the end, always treated as not okay by the narrative, and the MC’s friends, and like... this is ownvoices and it’s GOOD.)

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern. My Goodreads review says, “I have no idea what happened, and I loved it.” That’s not wrong, but to delve deeper, this book has an ethereal feeling that you get wrapped up in while reading. Nothing makes sense but that’s just as it should be. You’re hooked. It is so atmospheric, so meta, so fascinating. I’ve seen so many people say they interpreted this character or that part or the ending in all different ways and it all makes sense. And it’s all of this with a gay main character and romance and the central theme, the central pillar being a love of and devotion to stories. Of course I was going to love it.

Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl’s Confabulous Memoir by Kai Cheng Thom. “Because maybe what really matters isn’t whether something is true, or false. Maybe what matters is the story itself; what kinds of doors it opens, what kinds of dreams it brings.” This book was so good and paradigm shifting. It reminded me of #1 on this list in the way it turns real life experience and hard, tragic ones at that (in this case, of being a trans girl of color who leaves home and tries to make a life for herself in the city, with its violence), into a beautiful, haunting fable. Once upon a time.

I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver. I need to reread this book, as I read it during my most tranceful time of 2020 and didn’t write a review, so I forgot a lot. What I do remember is beautiful and important nonbinary representation, a really cute romance, an interesting parental and familial/sibling dynamic that was both heartbreaking and hopeful, and an on-page therapy storyline. Also Mason Deaver just left twitter but was an absolutely hilarious troll on it before leaving and I appreciate that (and they just published a Christmas novella that I have but haven’t read yet!)

The Truth Is by NoNieqa Ramos. It took a long time to trust this book but I’m so glad I did. It’s raw and real and full of grief and trauma (trigger warnings, that I remember, for grief, death (before beginning of book), and gun violence). The protagonist is flawed and gets to grow over the course of the book, and find her own place, and learn from the people around her, while they also learn to understand her and where she’s coming from. It’s got a gritty, harsh, and important portrayal of found family, messy queerness, and some breathtaking quotes. When I was 82% through this book I posted this update: “This book has addressed almost all of my initial hesitations, and managed to complicate itself beautifully.”

Anger is a Gift by Mark Oshiro. I wasn’t actually in the best mental health place to read this book when I did (didn’t quite understand what it was) but it definitely reminded me of what there is to fight against and to fight for, and broke my heart, and nudged me a bit closer to hope. The naturally diverse cast of characters was one of the best parts of this book. The romance is so sweet and tender and then so painful. This book is important and well-written but read it with caution and trigger warnings - it’s about grief and trauma and racism and police brutality, but also about love and community.

The Prey of Gods by Nicky Drayden. This is a sci-fi/fantasy/specfic mashup that takes place in near-future South Africa and has world-building myths with gods and demigoddesses and a trip to the world of the dead but also a genetically altered hallucinogenic drug that turns people into giant animals and a robot uprising and a political campaign and a transgender pop star and a m/m couple and all of them are connected. It’s bonkers. Like, so, so absolutely mind-breaking weird. And I loved it.

Crier’s War and Iron Heart by Nina Varela. I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVED the amount of folktales they told each other with queer romances as integral to those stories, especially in Iron Heart. A conversation between the two leads where Crier says she wants to read Ayla like a book, and Ayla says she’s not a book, and Crier explains all the different ways she wants to know Ayla, like a person, and wants to deserve to know her like a person, made me weak. It lives in my head rent-free.

Queen’s Shadow by E.K. Johnston @ekjohnston . I listened to this book on Libby and then immediately listened to it at least one more time, maybe twice, before my borrow time ran out. I love Padmé, and just always wish that female Star Wars characters got more focus and attention and this book gave me that!! And queer handmaidens! And the implication that Sabé is in love with Padmé and that’s just something that will always be true and she will always be devoted and also will make her own life anyway. And the Star Wars audiobooks being recorded the way they are with background sounds and music means it feels like watching a really long detailed beautiful Star Wars movie just about Padmé and her handmaidens.

Sissy: A Coming of Gender Story by Jacob Tobia. I needed to read this. The way Tobia talks about their experience of gender within the contexts of college, college leadership, and career, hit home. I kept trying to highlight several pages in a row on my kindle so I could go back and read them after it got returned to the library (sadly it didn’t work - it cuts off highlights after a certain number of characters). The way they talk about TOKENISM they way they talk about the responsibilities of the interviewer when an interviewee holds marginalized identities especially when no one else in the room does!!! Ahhhh!!!

Bonds of Brass by Emily Skrutskie. Disclaimer for this one that the author was rightfully criticized for writing a Black main character as a white author (and how the story ended up playing into some fucked up stuff that I can’t really unpack without spoiling). But also, the author has been working to move forward knowing she can’t change the past, has donated her proceeds, and this book is really good? It has all the fanfic tropes, so much delicious tension, a totally unexpected plot twist that had me immediately rereading the book. This book was super fun and also kind of just really really good Star Wars fanfiction.

How To Be a Normal Person by T.J. Klune. This book was so sweet, and cute, and hopeful, and both ridiculous and so real. I had some trouble getting used to Gus’ voice and internal monologue, but I got into it and then loved every bit after. The ace rep is something I’ve never seen like this before (and have barely read any ace books but still this was so fleshed out and well rounded and not just like, ‘they’re obsessed with swords not sex’ - looking at you, Once & Future - and leaving it there.) This all felt like a slice of life and I feel like I learned about people while reading it. Some of the moments are so, so funny, some are vaguely devastating. I have been personally victimized by TJ Klune for how he ends this book (a joke, you will know once you read it) but it also reminds me of the end of the “You Are There” episode of Xena and we all know what the answer to that question was.... and I choose to believe the answer here was similar.

You Should See Me in a Crown by Leah Johnson. I wish I had this book when I was in high school. I honestly have complicated feelings about prom and haven’t really been seeking out contemporary YA so I was hesitant to read this but it was so good and so well-written, and had a lot of depth to it. The movie (and Broadway show) “The Prom” wants what this book has.

Plain Bad Heroines by Emily M. Danforth. I never read horror books, so this was a new thing for me. I loved the feeling of this book, the way I felt fully immersed. I loved how entirely queer it was. I was interested in the characters and the relationships, even though we didn’t have a full chance to go super deep into any one person but rather saw the connections between everyone and the way the stories matched up with each other. I just wanted a bit of a more satisfying ending.

Honorable Mention: reread in 2020 but read for the first time pre-2020

Red White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston. I couldn’t make this post without mentioning this book. It got me through this year. I love this book so much; I think of this book all the time. This book made me want to find love for myself. You’ve all heard about it enough but if you haven’t read this book what are you DOING.

In Other Lands by Sarah Rees Brennan @sarahreesbrennan . I reread this one over and over too, both as text and as an audiobook. I went for walks when I had lost my earbuds and had Elliott screaming about an elf brothel loudly playing and got weird looks from someone walking their dog. I love this book so much. It’s just so fun, and so healing to read a book reminiscent of all the fantasies I read as a kid, but with a bi main character and a deconstruction of patriarchy and making fun of the genre a bit. Also, idiots to lovers is a great trope and it’s definitely in this book.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book is forever so important to me. I am always drawn in by how tenderly Sáenz portrays his characters. These boys. These boys and their parents. I love them. I love them so much. This is another one where I don’t even know what to say. I have more than 30 pages in my tag for this book. I have “arda” set as a keyboard shortcut on my phone and laptop to turn into the full title. This book saved my life.

Last Night I Sang to the Monster by Benjamin Alire Sáenz. This book hurts to read - it’s a story about trauma, about working through that trauma, healing enough to be ready to hold the worst memories, healing enough to move through the pain and start to make a life. It’s about found family and love and pain and I love it. It’s cathartic. And it’s a little bit quietly queer in a beautiful way, but that’s not the focus. Look up trigger warnings (they kind of are spoilery so I won’t say them here but if you have the potential to be triggered please look them up or ask me before reading)

Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine. When asked what my all time favorite book is, it’s usually this one. Gail Carson Levine has been doing live readings at 11am since the beginning of the pandemic shut down in the US, and the first book she read was Ella Enchanted. I’ve been slowly reading it to @mssarahpearl and am just so glad still that it has the ability to draw me in and calm me down and feels like home after all this time. This book is about agency. I love it.

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman @chronicintrovert . I’ve had this on my all-time-faves list since I read it a few years ago and ended up rereading it this year before sending a gift copy to a friend, so I could write little notes in it. It felt a little different reading it this time - as I get further away from being a teenager myself, the character voice this book is written in takes a little longer to get used to, but it’s so authentic and earnest and I love it. I absolutely adore this book about platonic love and found family and fandom and mental illness and abuse and ace identity and queerness and self-determination, especially around college and career choices. Ahhh. Thank you Alice Oseman!!!

Leia: Princess of Alderaan by Claudia Gray @claudiagray . I have this one on audible and reread it several times this year. I love the fleshing out of Leia’s story before the original trilogy, I love her having had a relationship before Han, and the way it would have affected her perspective. I also am intrigued by the way it analyses the choices the early rebellion had to make... I just, I love all the female focused new Star Wars content and the complexity being brought to the rebellion.

#red white and royal blue #aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe #osemanverse #star wars #queer books #lgbtq books #books #alice oseman #miri personal #wow this took so long but was so worth it!#long post #book recs #PS: if you've read any of these or have questions about any of these books #this is your formal invitation to talk to me about them!!!! even if i don't know you at all!#even if i don't follow you and even if you don't follow me!#my ask box is open anon is on!#original content

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sobdasha · 3 years

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i’ve been rereading a lot of my favorite stuff for months now

since I'm lacking in spoons for library trips

And when I was cottoning on to the fact that I have, in fact, been autistic all along, one of the things I realized is that the connecting thread between the kinds of stories and kinds of characters that I like is in fact that they display autistic or autistic-adjacent traits. I had realized this, come up with a lot of examples. I knew this.

Haha yeah as I'm actually rereading the things the evidence is damning that I did not come even close to understanding the full depth of it.

~ Taucris Ithesta is Autistic and Other Adjacent Things re: Leckie's Novels ~

Actually let's start with The Raven Tower because you can't actually argue with me about autistic Siat.

Siat actively avoids eye contact, is """shy""", speaks too softly, has an excellent grasp of humor, likes rocks as a special interest, likes to collect rocks, likes to sort rocks, likes to line up rocks, has one (1) bff to conduct social interactions for her, notices patterns, is good at learning, and is considered disabled by society's standards.

Ughhhhh all that talk about rocks makes me sad all over again that I pitched my rock collection when I moved out (I saved the best fossils, though).

(ETA: I have since bought more rocks because polished gemstones with carvings on them make for great stims, I am very pleased with me)

Okay so now that that's been established, let's talk about Strength and Patience of the Hill.

Because this rock gets me. Originally I figured it was probably, y'know, like with Ancillary Justice Leckie's given me an ace-aro main character and I can identify with that as an ace-aro. But unlike Breq, who very much loves people and wants to take care of them and found family etc, Strength and Patience of the Hill doesn't give much of a shit about people. With some exceptions of people that are it's people, how dare you mess with them, Strength and Patience of the Hill will kick your ass. Although even then I'm not sure Strength and Patience is all that great at taking care of people. Also Strength and Patience of the Hill is very much absorbed in its own selfishness, very much consumed with his own internal world, and I am also a jerk like that so it was very relatable.

(Yes I am using multiple pronouns because one of my many favorite parts of the book signing was watching everyone scramble over pronouns for a rock because "It never came up so I never figured it out" and I'm pretty sure Strength and Patience doesn't even use pronouns because why would you need a gendered pronoun to refer to yourself??? You don't even need a name to refer to yourself, actually I'm pretty sure Strength and Patience doesn't actually consider itself to have a name.)

So it made sense that this rock just really gets me. I know it's bad when the majority of representation for ace-aro characters is stereotypical robots or rocks or aliens (oooh or sentient space rocks wait wAIT now that I've said that I've just realized the Myriad is the definition of a Crystal Gem, pffft) or whatever but honestly I don't care because I just really identify with the robots??? So I really liked it, YMMV.

(It's probably also bad if the trend for autistically-coded characters is just stereotypical robots or rocks or aliens or whatever too but like honestly a big autistic #mood is feeling like you are a robot or an alien or whatever so maybe that's why I'm not offended???)

My point being that Strength and Patience of the Hill displays a lot of autistic traits and is therefore very relatable, in this Ted Talk I will.

Strength and Patience of the Hill processes things slowly. She will come up with the perfect retort and tell you 5 years later with absolutely no context.

It loves daydreaming, staring at things, noticing patterns, and enjoying quiet and solitude. It loves thinking about why things are the way they are. Look I have fantasized about what if I could exist as just a pair of eyeballs and a mind floating around in space, observing things, thinking things, and not having to actually interact with the world, and I'm pretty sure this rock is living that life. (Until y'know it gets told life doesn't work like that.)

Despite his slow processing speed, and taking a while to learn language, Strength and Patience of the Hill is good at learning things, and I feel like it's the kind of sort-of-sideways, context-based accumulation of knowledge that I learn through as well.

Strength and Patience of the Hill has one (1) friend, and through the Myriad it benefits from the fact that the Myriad has an actual social circle, without having to put forth any effort of maintaining friends on its own, which is 100% the way to do it.

Strength and Patience of the Hill tends to attract the other "quirky" kids--that is, my impression is that the people who become his priests tend to be those people who look at the world a little differently, those people on the fringes. Trans people, autistic people, people with other disabilities.

Strength and Patience of the Hill trying to explain the state of affairs in Vastai to Eolo: "Okay so my first memory I can recall is…" No, okay, no, I know, it's just literally how the narrative has to be told, I'm not criticizing, but that doesn't make it any less reminiscent of "autistic person trying to explain a simple thing but starts in with 10 pages of context first to ensure the over-explanation makes sense" (haha that's why I consistently got stuck training endless new hires, I'm literally so bad at it that I'm the best in the department and I hate life).

Difficulty understanding other's feelings/points of view/circumstances (I know it's because he's a rock and a god but that doesn't make it any less relatable), hmmm what else…

Oh right, a typical interaction with Strength and Patience of the Hill:

Person: (gives offering) Strength and Patience: (offering is accepted because the transaction literally occurred, no need to respond) Person: "(asks petition)" Strength and Patience: ... Strength and Patience: wait Strength and Patience: what Strength and Patience: wait was I supposed to do something else Strength and Patience: did you ask something of me? Strength and Patience: I don't understand what you asked????? Strength and Patience: it's been an entire year now it's too awkward Strength and Patience: i'm sure it's. Fine. Strength and Patience: It's fine. (rinse and repeat)

Like I said, this rock gets me.

(Haha I was reading through my notes from the book signing and I found "Strength + Patience doesn't give a shit about balance, Strength + Patience is just selfish, which it manifests as apathy, which is why this rock gets me. All of my best interpersonal traits also spring from not giving a fuck and waiting ppl to go away faster lol" and why is that, oh because ~I'm~ ~autistic~ pfffft)

I started this post a while ago and this was as far as I got and I don't remember if I had more??? Time to talk about Taucris probably!!!

(I'm skipping Ancillary Justice etc for now because I do want to make a post about that but like there's just. So much. In those books. It's masking all the way down. So it can be its own post. One day.)

Because I waited so long I forgot what I was going to write so I'll just grab the book and flip through and comment as I see things.

To start off with: Taucris and adulthood. I've seen other people pick up primarily on the gender aspect of it--that Taucris waited until almost 25 to take her adult name because she she never figured out what her gender was (non- uhhhhhh what's the word for binary when it's three and not two? Non-tri-something Taucris in a society with 3 options but all 3 options are gendered? I'll go with that.) What really resonated for me was that Taucris waited until almost 25 to take her adult name because she never felt like an adult. And I get that ~everyone feels that way~ but I feel like it's Different for Taucris in the same way it's Different for me. Anyway I feel like no matter which aspect you choose, it's probably an autistic vibe.

Also Taucris seems to have a bit of a flat affect? She seems very serious (both in body language and in speech), and kind of intense sometimes when she talks, and Ingray notes how Taucris usually doesn't smile (she smiles with Ingray because Ingray makes her comfortable) and has always been """shy""".

Also Taucris...talks strangely? I am not sure exactly how to explain it. It's not written badly or anything, it's...you know how sometimes you suddenly sit back and look at dialogue and go no one speaks like this and it throws you out of the story because you dropped your suspension of disbelief? Taucris kind of gives me that feeling, and only Taucris. Almost like her speech is a little bit stilted? Awkward? She's very serious and matter of fact and says things like "You've always been so kind to me" with a straight face. But it doesn't feel like a """bad writing""" (quotation marks for subjectivity) thing. But I notice it every time I read her dialogue… I think it's just that Taucris is autistic and awkward and that's how she speaks. Also I think she's adorable.

Police work is Taucris' special interest. So much so that that's the entire reason she became an adult, so she could engage in her special interest better. She's ~weird~ for her single-minded interest and her interest in a job below her ~status~ and she doesn't care, she set her heart on this anyway, volunteering and interning so on.

Oh that was something else I was going to talk about--Taucris mentions feeling like she doesn't have her shit together, not like Ingray (who also doesn't feel she has her shit together. Kind of like "no one really feels like an adult). But Taucris seems quite calm and capable in Planetary Security. I don't know if this is just masking, but...I really hope that she does feel that way in her job. That because it's her special interest, that helps balance out the stress of being alive and simultaneously employed full-time. That because she's been volunteering and interning here so long, she's been familiar with the office and it wasn't a stressful transition. That she acts confident because she feels competent and respected. Taucris may look calm and cool and collected on the outside and be screaming on the inside but I hope she actually feels pretty good on the inside too.

I would also like to say that I like Taucris' nother. Despite what Danach implies, I get the picture from Taucris that e is supportive of Taucris' personality and interests even when e doesn't get it. E indulged her interest in police work, e didn't understand why Taucris wasn't taking an adult name but tried to be patient about it...so I assume that also means that e was understanding of all of Taucris quirks and stims and particularities. E's been a good support system while Taucris' peers have not.

(Except for Ingray, Taucris' one (1) friend.)

I like Taucris' relationship with Deputy Chief Veret too--the way Taucris quietly manages breakfast so e doesn't have to think about it or be put out (this is The Love Language to me, not being inconvenienced, and I feel that this is part of my personality because my personality is autistic, so). I don't know why specifically Taucris does this, but all the reasons I could come up with feel very wholesome. Taucris respects Veret as her boss and as a person. Taucris is empathetic and thoughtful (she doesn't like Danach but she tries to consider and understand where he's coming from; Taucris isn't Hatli but she considers Veret's fasting etc to be valid rather than a choice of superstition). Taucris' situation is different but she knows that it doesn't feel good to be treated as weird, to be sneered at because you don't act the way people expect you to. Taucris, being autistic, maybe has a lot of experience with "perfectly good foods" she won't eat. Taucris strikes me as someone who observes quietly, and considers carefully, and maybe takes a long time to make up her mind but when she moves it's deliberately and not carelessly. Which is, to me, a masking trait.

In the quantum version of this post I was going to write everything so polished and lay out my points so nicely but clearly that didn't happen and I don't know where to end this and I'm sure I didn't even explain things that well so I'll just say, I feel it was very autistic of Taucris in the last chapter to just be like "well IDK what you want from me and rather than expending massive effort trying to suss it out and guessing wrong I'll just be direct: I know you can't talk about what happened so I won't ask you about what happened unless you want me to ask you about what happened in which case you should say so and I will ask but I think maybe you just need to watch a movie with me instead."

#sobdasha fic adjacent #al provenance #the raven tower #HAPPY AUTISM MONTH #look i actually did a thing while it was still april #all my faves are autistic #also is this not showing up in the tags as punishment for my sins or like can I not see it because dumblr

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dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt · 5 years

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How To Write A Trans Character

for y’all good cis people who genuinely care and want to give good representation!! thank!! love ya!! [please note that this is just the opinion of one trans *man* and that circumstances vary. This isn’t a catch-all, just some general tips.]

- If you’re an LGB+ person/nurodivergent/etc, try to picture your own identity in the place of your trans character’s. If you wouldn’t like to read about something done to a character with your identity, maybe don’t do that to your trans character.

- Try to avoid adding transphobia without a solid reason for it. Does this person being a transphobic dick advance the plot? Does it create a poignant character moment? Is it truly more than just the Obligatory Transphobic Comment? Remember, people read fiction to escape the real world, being reminded that transphobia exists in my fantasy escapism kind of sucks.

- Don’t make a big deal out of it or draw a lot of attention to it. Personally, the best thing to me is when it is briefly mentioned once that a character is trans, and that is it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s fine to mention it more than once, but it’s so refreshing to see it not be a big deal.

- Make the character a character first, and trans second. Being trans is not a personality trait, or a hobby, or a lifestyle. We’re just people. Write us like it.

- There’s many different types of dysphoria. (see: this post) Social, mental, physical. Sometimes it’s general, and others it’s very specific. Sometimes it’s weird (I’m dysphoric about my wrists, how weird is that?) And some trans people experience little to no dysphoria, that’s cool too.

- Dysphoria fluctuates and changes a lot, some days it’s not bad, others it is, some days it’s about something, other days it’s about something else.

- Dysphoria feels like your worst insecurity times 100. A lot of the time mine makes me feel physically sick, like I’m gonna chuck. It can also feel almost claustrophobic, like you’re trapped somewhere and can’t get out (... because you are.)

- Gender euphoria is also a thing and it’s like being high.

- Feel free to give your trans baby a supportive family, they do exist and it would be nice to see a well loved trans person (the family doesn’t have to be biological, though, if that’s the way the story goes.)

- Do a bit of research on certain terms/names for things, it won’t take super long and it will make a WORLD of difference.

- Please try not to focus on the character suffering for being trans. I know you mean well, but trust me it won’t come out right. Feel free to throw a bunch of angst at your trans character, just please don’t make that angst around being trans. Make it about their best friend being eaten by a lava sloth squid monster. or whatever.

- Different trans people want/have different transitions. Your character might want to have one surgery, but not another, or maybe they’re on hormones but they’re not interested in any surgeries or vice-versa. Maybe they don’t want to physically transition at all, and that is perfectly normal and okay!

- Non-binary people exist and are cool! (But if your character is a robot or an alien... maybe don’t make them non-binary.)

- Please don’t make your villain the only trans person. Please.

- Please avoid the ‘soft flower boi’ stereotype if you’re writing trans guys please. We are men. Write your trans man character like you would if he was a cis guy. I’m not saying don’t make feminine trans men, but... please be careful of that stereotype.

- Trans women can be tomboys. They can also be super mega ultra girly. Again, character first, trans second.

- Avoid fetishizing trans people. It’s totally fine if your trans person does The Sexytime (it is encouraged, in fact,) but don’t overly focus on the fact that they’re trans. That’s creepy. Some trans people have different boundaries with nakedness/their body, consider that, too.

- Please give your trans character a happy ending and for the love of god don’t kill them off. Let them have a partner, and pets, and friends, the whole unlovable edgy trans stereotype is getting really old really fast.

- Honestly. If you’re really unsure how to write a trans character, just write a character. And then slip in a one sentence about them wearing a trans pride pin. Boom, you just wrote a great trans character, good job!!!

- Talk to a trans person. And if you’re worried about saying something wrong, talk to me. I promise I won’t get mad at you, no matter what you want to ask. Trust me, we want more trans characters out there, don’t be scared to write one. Representation is good!!

- All trans people are badass, funny, smart, amazing, wonderful and perfect. If you don’t make your character all of these things, it’s transphobia. (Okay this one is a joke... We’re also awesome. *fingerguns*)

#trans #transgender #writing tips #writing trans characters #writeblr #idk #some tropes really bother me can you tell lmao #hope this helps!!

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bluinary · 4 years

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gag anime that you need to watch maybe

hi hello my name is juli and i will now gently guide ur attention to some top-notch shows, please pay attanetion

(this list is for people who don’t watch much anime or who are new to it. if ur a fucken weeb youve probably seen it all. dont @ me i want to help the kids)

ONE PUNCH MAN (the obvious 1st choice lol)

Genre: Action/ Shounen

Expectation: OP protagonist with riveting backstory fights to become the strongest hero, makes many friends along the way who recognize his talents and pure heart, big bad scary villains make him stronger

Reality: OP protagonist is already the strongest hero. His backstory? After fighting a lobster-man with nipples drawn on him with a Sharpie, Saitama decides to do a workout routine every day, and somehow ends up becoming the most powerful known being in the universe. His main issue is that now, he literally can take down any villain with a single punch, and he’s very bored of it.

Best Qualities: Animation is bomb, music is dope, humor is funnie, and Best Boy is a man whose superpower is riding a bicycle. Also Saitama egg head

If you were in a coma for all of 2015, this is the main thing u missed. Moving on.

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun (Monthly Girls’ Nozaki)

Genre: Romance/ Comedy/ Slice of Life

Expectation: Smol shoujo protag girl grows closer to her oblivious crush through a fated, if awkward, incident which reveals an embarrassing secret that has to be kept at all costs. Through one another they gain more quirky friends, help each other grow, and, eventually, the male lead realizes that what he needs has been beside him all along.

Reality: The crush writes romance manga, and that is literally all the man cares about. It’s not a secret, but when he told people they didn’t believe him. Nozaki and Sakura grow closer, but only because he confuses her confession with a request to be his Beta. They gain quirky friends through one another, but there is zero character development throughout the entire fucking cast. Every episode is run by Idiot Plot. All the characters share a singular brain cell. There’s a tall butch lady turning every girl in the school gay. Please watch

Best Quali-teas: Everyone is baby, lots of gay shenanigans, and toxic masculinity does not exist, the OP is pretty nice, too

I literally heard about this damn show, like, two months ago. This shit was released circa 2015. Pleeze watch

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. / Saiki Kusuo no Psi Nan

Genre: Shounen/ Supernatural/ Fucking Everything tbh

Expectation: Slice-of-life supernatural where protag has psychic powers, albeit limited ones, and has to keep them a secret at all costs for fear of his safety. He has a few friends he loves and cherishes, and at least two girls who are in love with him that he has to choose between-- all of which are people he wants to protect from his double-life.

Reality: Kusuo is very aware that he is the protagonist of an anime, and he does not want to be. Born with pink hair? He rewrites the human genome to make colored hair normal. End of the world looming? He just keeps rewinding time so he doesn’t have to deal with it. Harem situation? He actively uses his powers to avoid all love interests at all times (see the above). The plot of each episode is him trying to stop the plot as quickly as possible without killing anyone. The main issue is that everyone around him is either dumb or just generally attractive to plot-driving circumstances, and they all, for some reason, want him to be in on their adventures.

Best Qualities: Heavy “me and the boys” energy, plenty of Idiot Plot, so funny that my 47yo mom who hates anime admitted that it’s funny, meta as fuck, occasionally sweet scenes, equally good dub and sub, Saiki is babie

The fandom for this shit is like. Nonexistent. Apparently it came out the same season as Mob Psycho 100, so that might be why. I almost didn’t watch it, but I got bored and it turned out to be a serious gem. Go watch if ur having a bad day, it will make u cry laughing

Sakamoto Desu Ga/ Haven’t You Heard? I’m Sakamoto

Genre: Slice of life/ Comedy

Expectation: God I don’t even know. I’d say a typical slice of life where the quiet kid is bullied but makes friends, there’s a love triangle as they grow up together through high school, yadda yadda, but look at this dude. I can’t imagine him being anything other than what he is-- a legend.

Reality: The entire show is just a question of how extra one man can be, and how well he can pull it off. Sakamoto is an “average” high school senior (in the sense that he has no supernatural abilities), but he’s....far more than that. He’s Sebastian Michaelis if he’d never been a demon. Everything always works out for him in the most ridiculous of ways-- he’s just that good. He makes a McDonald’s uniform look like Prada. He’s so smooth his bully ends up having a crush on him (and yes, it is a gay crush. no heteros in this show).

Best Qualities: lots of homo content. the side characters, inspired by Sakamoto’s grace, all become better people, and you root for them. The circumstances are always average, but the presentation is fucking riveting. Watch to send ur depression into remission.

Another one no one talks about????? U all were so busy with ur broku no hero macadamias and ur Nartoes that you slept on this. Now’s the time to take back what was lost. Love yourself and binge this shit.

Nichijou/ My Ordinary Life

Genre: Slice of Life/ Comedy

Expectation: Cute girls do cute, girly things and have fun with Their Close Good Friends (TM).

Reality: Cute girls get into very bizarre situations with extremely manic energies. Sometimes, the situations are normal, but the girls react in a bizarre, manic fashion. It will make you alarm-laugh.

Best Qualities: Adorable art style, little continuity, relatable as fuck

A nice little watch if you’re bored. I think the eps are on YouTube.

Pop Team Epic/ Poputepepiku

Genre: Only God Knows

Expectation: Probably a cutesy 4koma-type thing with 2 schoolgirls having shenanigans.

Reality: A regular acid trip with lesbian icons Popuko and Pipimi who are not schoolgirls, but gods. Like if Eric Andre and Hannibal Buress were turned into omnipotent anime icons. Watch at your own risk.

Best Qualities: Lots of unexpected parodies and references amongst a shitpost of a show. The OP is a bop. Popuko terrifies me, but also empowers me as a young woman because she will not hesitate to kill a bitch. She and Pipimi love each other a whole lot, so it is LGBTQ content, which is always a plus.

I’m sure you’ve seen this one floating around. It will make you feel fear, and then laugh. Now, finally...

Ouran Highschool Host Club

Genre: Romance/ Comedy

Expectation: The protagonist is a girl who is mistaken for a boy and must be the servant of six rich, handsome young men, all of which are in love with her, and her secret must be kept at all costs. A reverse harem anime with plenty of fanservice.

Reality: Haruhi is a genderfluid queen who doesn’t give a fuck what others think she is. Because she broke a Conveniently-Placed Vase and is relatably poor, she has to pay off her debt by being a host herself-- which means male-presenting when flirting with her female classmates to make her dough. The six rich, handsome young men all share three brain cells, and most of those cells go to the character who has one line per episode (usually, it’s “Yeah”. I hope that VA got paid well). The only love interest-- the “leader” and most popular of the six men-- is so dead-set on their club being his Found Family, he confuses his romantic feelings for Haruhi with paternal ones. This is obvious to everyone but him. He never gets the brain cells.

Best Qualities: Trans characters!! Lesbians!! Extreme “me and the boys” energy, except they’re all rich, so shenanigans skyrocket. Many 4th wall breaks. The most powerful Host looks like he’s 5. Any “fanservice” is never played straight. Takes the Found Family trope to a whole new level. Nice Parks & Rec-quality balance between hysterical and sweet. Everyone is in drag at some point.

I know all of us senior citizens grew up on this shit, but you younguns need to watch the classics to appreciate the newfangled stuff. I recommend watching when you’re in a cheesy rom-com mood.

Honorable Mentions:

I can’t count these as gag anime, but they’re still ridiculously funny.

Mob Psycho 100

Scissor Seven

Kill la Kill

Cells at Work!

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure

Ones I haven’t seen but have heard a lot about

Osomatsu-san

Himouto! Umaru-chan

Azumanga Daioh

Gin Tama

Sgt. Frog

Okay that is all just limke put this in ur feel-good tag because these shows will make you happy and donut for get to like and describe to my channel, where I post literally nothing at all ever good night.

#anime rec list #shows to watch #anime #shitpost #tumblr memes #pls rec me similar ones in the replies y'all i need another hyperfixation #rn im just using saiki k jokes to get me through the day #also this took me so long to make???????????#i have no clue why. but pls reblog just for that reason #i feel like there's a whole wave of neo-weebs coming in from bnha and stuff and they must be....guided #oh and yes. jojo is a fucking comedy to me okay #i dont think many people actually take it seriously but if you do please know #i cannot. i fell on the floor laughing trying to explain one scene to my coworker #spring break ideas #too #if u need something to fill the time with #most of these are pretty damn short #my posts

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radiqueer · 5 years

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I read Natalie’s endnotes to the aesthetic and this is disturbing the fuck out of me so here are some. rambly thoughts I guess. people are welcome to add to this if they like

first she goes “this video is primarily about trans women” and like. caveat that I am not a trans woman, I’m nonbinary & afab so that’s not an experience I have access to in any way. so keep that in mind I guess

I wanted to show a wider audience the way trans people talk about gender amongst ourselves

look...I’m not an expert on trans people or anything but I watched the aesthetic and I can tell you that that’s not how trans people talk about gender. at least, I’ve never known them to. I’ve never participated in a conversation about gender that works that way.

....no wait. I have. I’ve seen truscum talk about gender, and the way Justine talks pretty much mirrors the way truscum talk.

I wanted to work through some of my private doubts about common explanations of what it means to be trans

I can’t argue with that.

I also wanted to reconcile the existence of a devoted Tabby fandom with my having created the character as a caricature of leftist ineffectiveness

I mean. how do I say this. I’ve been thinking about the difference between revolutionaries and incrementalists, and it’s clear to me that they need each other. but throughout the video, the way Justine treats Tabby mirrors the way incrementalists treat revolutionaries; as laughable, disposable, pitiable. like they’re caricatures of themselves.

I had to google what veracity means.

Some non-binary people disliked this video because they felt that the dialogue excluded or invalidated them. Whereas most of the feedback I got from binary trans people is positive. Which, fair enough—this is a video about binary trans women.

look...I try not to be like “binary privilege” and stuff because when it comes to trans people that concept becomes increasingly incoherent but how else do I talk about how it feels to be a nonbinary person watching that video, listening to people harp on and on about passing, when I myself will never pass? not just because I’m brown even though that plays into it - white people remain the standard of nonbinary presentation and aesthetics - I won’t ever pass. people are never going to look at me and think “oh, nonbinary” because that identity is not articulated in mainstream society at all. and I have to live in mainstream society, right, even as a marginalized person I still exist in the same spaces as other people.

it feels like this is basically going “articulation of a binary trans identity has to exclude and invalidate nonbinary people” which is how you get truscum. it’s literally. the same thought process.

I feel like I'm being grossly misunderstood by NBs when they characterize the desire to pass, Justine's point of view, as "respectability politics."

nonbinary people are not characterizing Justine’s (or Natalie’s) desire to pass as respectability politics. they’re characterizing Justine’s efforts to police Tabby’s presentation, and by association the presentation of all trans people who “fail to pass” (scare quotes because Tabby passes just fcking fine) as respectability politics. you can’t misrepresent our position and then accuse us of misrepresenting you. holy shit.

My wearing long hair, makeup, changing my voice, generally softening my confrontation with the world is nothing like e.g. a black man wearing a suit and speaking in "white voice." I'm not doing "woman voice" to please cis people. I'm doing it because I want to be a woman.

oh god this is a mess. this is such a goddamn mess. starting with that simile I guess but omg Natalie. who the fuck decides what “woman voice” is? why is that song-and-dance necessary to be trans and to be a woman? like if you want to do it for yourself then that’s fine, but trans people remain trans even when denied the ability to perform their real gender. a trans man who is forced by circumstance to wear dresses and heels and makeup when he desperately does not want to is still a trans man. equating your transness with your desire to pass is just, straight up truscum shit. this is why people are calling you a transmed.

Cis women understand this deeply. They know that they aren't oppressed as women because they psychologically identify as women. They know that misogyny is foisted upon them regardless of their psychology, so long as society views them as women. Trans men escape misogyny to some degree—generally to the degree that society views and accepts them as men. And trans women are in the sad situation of having to claw our way into a social position where we begin to experience misogyny.

dskjhvdkjfhkfdgdslg this is another mess.

trans women do not have to “claw their way into a social position where they begin to experience misogyny” they already experience misogyny by virtue of being women. a woman who looks like a man is still experiencing the world as a woman. she’s still being affected by the things which affect women.

trans men are harder to parse because trans men who fail to pass experience misogyny and the associated violence in addition to violence for refusing to conform to their assigned gender. but they’re experiencing all of these things through denial of their real identity. and that colours their experiences to a great degree. additionally, the social aspect of trans manhood is very, very conditional because manhood, even for cis men, is very conditional and highly gatekept. it’s very hard for trans men to access these structures and weaponise them against others outside of like...a tiny bubble saturated with queerness. to simplify, they’re men without privilege.

It's not psychological identity that makes this happen. It's the interpersonal recognition that comes about as a result of habitually living/performing the identity. Let's be good leftist materialists here.

I don’t know what kind of materialism it is to reject the realness of the mind, of our emotions and experiences, of our internality. I don’t know much about materialism, but if it leads to takes like this I’m not sure I want to. the internet and what happens on it is real. the mind (or brain, or whatever the goopy shit in your head that lets you be a person is, whatever you wanna call it) and the thoughts and emotions it experiences are real. I feel so stupid arguing this. I feel like I’m trying to teach someone that 2+2=4 but I have to start by convincing them that numbers are real. it’s degrading.

Before I transitioned I identified as genderqueer for a while. I presented basically as what used to be called a male transvestite. People were sometimes shitty about that, but my coming out with the NB identity was greeted mainly by, "sure, whatever bro, wear whatever you want." I found that as an AMAB NB, I was for most intents and purposes—socially, structurally, materially—still a man.

I don’t want to explain someone’s experiences to them but that’s them dismissing the reality of your nonbinary identity. and because you were and are a massively privileged person in every other way.

surely an account that begins and ends with "I'm not a man because I don't identify as one" is pretty weak.

[uncharitability cw] I mean. sure. lets all set out to prove why we deserve to exist. that’s a good use of the trans community’s time, because we don’t do that enough in our private lives. lets make it the only story we tell. brilliant plan. and then everyone clapped.

okay and then she goes on for a bit about the relationship between Tabby and Justine, which is fine. they’re good characters. if they were 100% fictional I would write fic for them. thanks for the extra content, I guess.

The most hurtful things Justine says are my confessions. I have no security in "feeling like a woman." I feel like I'm desperately trying to be a woman though confronted by endless obstacles. It's a shadow that hangs over me every moment of every day. But these are just some feelings I have. I don't have opinions.

I don’t like telling people that they need to cope in private but if you’re coping then the content that you create to cope with your feelings and insecurities needs to be separate from your activism. conflating the two is a really bad idea and I have about 4 years worth of fandom drama on tumblr dot hell to show for it. bad things happen when people look at someone working through their emotions and trauma and go “oh yes, are these your politics?” and worse things happen when you do that to yourself and then you end up being invited to ted talks and fuck a whole bunch of people over.

I keep trying not to talk about contrapoints because it serves no purpose and leads nowhere - she’s not going to change. but on some level talking about it helps me and maybe someone wants to hear me talk about it I fucking Guess.

this is okay to reblog, and written entirely in response to those tweets. if you’ve got additional responses to those tweets or want to talk about something I said, feel free. but if you’re going to come here and defend contrapoints, then save it. I’ll block you at best. there are times when I can have a rational, nuanced conversation about this but I won’t ever on this post because that’s not what this post is for.

#contrapoints #me; hey i should finish watching bsd #me; has no executive function #me; writes this thing to procrastinate #thats adhd for you: doing something painful to procrastinate doing something you really want to #or self harm i guess lol #original

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thatmetalbenderlinbeifong · 4 years

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@femslashfetale

1. Top turn on?

This is so hard because there are so many things that are a turn on. But I suppose a woman that can take control in the bedroom. Someone confident in their ability to make me submit.

2. Last time you had sex with the opposite gender?

Never

3. Last time you had sex with the same gender?

It’s honestly probably a few years.

4. Last time you masturbated?

Maybe a few weeks ago? I don’t actually remember.

5. What’s the weirdest thing that has turned you on?

I can’t really think of anything particularly weird. I suppose some people would consider elements of bdsm weird, but it’s not weird to me, so, I don’t know.

6. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve masturbated with?

I don’t think I’ve ever done it with anything weird, thankfully.

7. What’s the weirdest kind of porn you’ve watched?

Someone sent me on of those like wrestling porn videos and it just wasn’t my thing. That’s definitely the weirdest thing I’ve watched I think. At least in my opinion.

8. How often do you masturbate/have sex?

It depends. Sometimes I will multiple times a weeks. Sometimes I wont for months. It just depends.

9. Have you ever taken nude pictures?

I have, actually.

10. Dom or Sub?

Already answered this one.

11. Is pain a good thing?

Pain can be incredibly pleasurable. I think it’s a very good thing.

12. Do you like biting?

I don’t mind biting, but I prefer to be the one being bitten.

13. Do you like scratching?

Same with the biting, I don’t mind doing it, but I’d rather have it done to me.

14. Are you slightly horny right now?

Yes.

15. Are you very horny right now?

Not particularly.

16. Do you like face fucking?

Under certain circumstances.

17. 10 of your biggest turn ons?

Pain, bondage, submission, hands around my throat, name calling, praise, being bitten, being bent over something and dirty talk.

18. Do you cook naked?

Nope, never understood the appeal.

19. Do you like foreplay?

I love foreplay. I need it if I’m going to have a good time.

20. Have you had a vaginal orgasm?

I have not.

21. Do you like sex with women?

I love it.

22. Do you like sex with men?

Never had it, but considering I don’t like men, I’m gonna go with no.

23. Would you have sex with a trans* person?

Yes

24. Do you like your nipples played with?

I do. I actually have them pierced.

25. Do you like your lips bitten?

Yes, kiss me and tug on my bottom lip. That’s also a turn on.

26. Do you like to kiss with tongue?

I do.

27. How often do you masturbate?

Whenever the desire hits.

28. Have you masturbated while someone else was in the room?

No, haven’t done that.

29. Would you have sex with a married person?

Probably not, but I suppose it depends on the situation.

30. Would you have sex with a couple/multiple people?

Already answered this one.

31. Do you go outside naked?

Nope, sure don’t.

32. Do you like being woken up with sex?

I don’t mind it.

33. Do you give oral?

I do.

34. Would you let someone eat off of you?

Yeah, I don’t see why not. At the very least to give it a try.

35. What is the youngest/oldest you would sleep with?

I would say absolutely no younger than 22. And honestly, I am so hot for older women that I don’t know what I would say the oldest would be.

36. Do you like having drunk sex?

I’ve never actually been drunk so I wouldn’t know.

37. Do you enjoy wearing lingerie?

I do, when my partner makes me feel sexy wearing.

38. What is your favorite thing about sex?

The intimacy.

39. What is your favorite sexual setting?

I don’t know that I actually have a favorite.

40. Would you ever fool around in a movie theater?

Sure, if I thought we wouldn’t get caught. If no one was around us.

41. Would you ever make a porno with your bf/gf?

Maybe, it just depends.

42. Would you ever do a photo shoot in sexy clothes for your bf/gf?

I absolutely would.

43. Do you like it rough or sensual?:

Both, but admittedly, I prefer it rough.

44. Do you prefer to be with the opposite sex or the same sex? or both?

Same.

45. How often do you get drunk and have wild, crazy sexy with a complete stranger?

Never, like I said, I’ve never actually been drunk.

46. How do you feel about one night stands?

I don’t mind them, but I don’t think it’s something I could do.

47. Do you prefer to make love or fuck?

Both, it’s the same with sensual or rough.

48. Have you ever watched porn while having sex?

I don’t think so, but I’m not opposed to it or anything.

49. How long do you usually fore-play before doing the deed?

It depends on my mood honestly. But a decent amount of time.

50. Do you like kissing during sex?

Yes, I love kissing in general and it’s just heightened during sex.

51. Does size matter?

Not particularly I don’t think.

52. How many sexual partners have you have in the last month?

None, tragically.

53. What does your favorite foreplay include?

Kissing and biting my neck. I’m super sensitive there.

54. Have you ever done anal? If so, did you like it?

I haven’t with a partner. But I’ve experimented on my own, and yeah, I’d say I do.

56. Do you ever worry about how you’re pleasing your partner?

All the time during sex.

57. Could you live without sex?

I could I suppose. I’d prefer not to but it is what it is.

58. How long does a typical sexual episode last for you?

There’s a lot of variables that go into that. Don’t know that I can say for sure.

59. Do you like to perform oral sex?

I do, a lot.

60. Do you like to receive oral sex?

Yes

61. Have you ever taped yourself in the act?

Not during sex, but I have when masturbating before. Something to send to my girlfriend at the time.

62. Have you ever had a 3-some? 4-some? 5-some?

I have not, but I wouldn’t be opposed to a 3-some. Actually, its something I’d like to do at some point.

63. Have you ever been caught in the act?

No, thank god.

64. Have you ever had sex while on drugs?

Nope.

65. Would you let other people watch you have sex live?

Maybe, it’s something I’ve contemplated.

66. Do you ever have sex in the shower?

I’ve never done it, but I’m down for trying.

67. What was the biggest age difference with a partner?

I think it’s only been a year or so? I don’t know, I don’t remember. But not very much.

68. Do you feel your up to par in bed?

I’d like to think so.

69. What was your most embarrassing sexual moments?

Thankfully I can’t think of anything particularly embarrassing.

70. Do you like having sex in cars? If so, driver seat, passenger, or back?

Never done it in a car, but again, I wouldn’t be opposed to giving it a shot.

71. Do you wear protection as often as you should?

72. Do you prefer to sleep with someone older or younger than you?

I don’t mind either, but like I said earlier, I absolutely have the hots for older women so…yeah

73. Have you ever done bondage sex (chains ,whips, etc.)?

I have, with rope. Nothing elaborate yet, but I enjoy it.

74. Can you remember who gave you the best sex of your life?

I haven’t had the best sex of my life yet. So, no.

75. If you could sleep with ANYONE, who would it be?

I don’t like answering things like this because I’m demi so I have to have a really strong emotional connection with the person before actually having sex with them. So I don’t really have like a “celebrity list” or anything like that.

1 note · View note

trenchkoat · 5 years

Text

transgender name & gender mark change resource post.

So now that everything is said and done, I want to talk about my experience about working to get my legal name and gender marker changed. I live in Florida, so prices and locations will obviously differ. Brevard County, Melbourne thankfully as all of their legal offices together in one section, so it’s easier to travel back and forth. This is in hopes that helps people to get it done as quickly as possible, as the information I found on an official Transgender Equality site was grossly outdated. I did these at the same time after my name my hearing was complete and all I was asked for at the SSA and DMV were for the court order and the affidavit. That’s literally it. It was done in 15 minutes once we were up.

DISCLAIMER: This may not be relative to all counties, states, etc. However, this is not a controversial case and your agents under no circumstances are legally obligated to give their opinion or refuse you because you are transgender. This is an every-day thing for them. If you ever wind up with a clearly troubled agent that refuses your name changed based on your gender orientation, file a complaint, I don’t know the process, but do something, holy hell.

IMPORTANT: If you are changing your female or male name to another that is for the opposite gender (say, Debra to Michael or vice versa), you will be asked to provide an affidavit from your physician, therapist, or - if you’d had top surgery in my case, from the acting surgeon who performed this surgery. I was given it after I was checked out as a patient, I imagine others do this as well. DO NOT LOSE THESE DOCUMENTS. The affidavit will also be used as proof for your gender change.

I. Filing for the name change.

I made the unfortunate error of looking to the internet for this information instead of asking those who created it in the first place. Of course, like me, you might be turned around as well and not be aware of the many branches of the government and who takes care of what.

First of all, the Court of Clerk is responsible for all of this, and there is no charge to go or do anything, especially if it’s to ask questions! Once I was at the desk, I explained that I actually had no idea what I was doing, but this (outdated) packet told me that this is where it all began. You have to go to the one in your county that you are currently residing in and be able to provide an address of that residency.

Everything begins with the Legal Petition for Name Change, or Petition for Legal Name Change, however it may be worded. You’re allowed to ask for a copy of this and I imagine, if it’s not free, a copy of the entire thing and everything document you’ll need to fill out (you may need to ask for more information on certain points like me) would be like... two bucks? Even certified copies of documents are inexpensive.

1. You will need to visit your local sheriff department and request your prints are taken for background check. This was about $20. You don’t have to tell them what it’s for other than a background check and legal name change.

A note: At any time you can have the file actually, well... filed. It ranges from county to county, state to state, but comes to somewhere around $250 to $401. I know this sounds expensive and yes it is, but I imagine this is so their time isn’t wasted for people filing for their name to be changed to “Batman V. Superman”. This is a serious legal matter.

2. This is usually the suggested first step as the background check can take from a week to a month, maybe more. I imagine it depends on the location and what their work looks like. This will be sent electronically as a sealed document to your Pro Se agent you will have submitted and filed everything with - this agent is still at the Court of Clerk and you will be directed to them. Once this is all there, along with everything else in the document filled out, your case will be listed “complete” and ready to proceed to the next step.

Another note: Everything in the packet is pretty basic, your name and history of work, asking if you’ve ever been bankrupt, etc. You will have to (at least I did) list as many residences you’ve lived at since you were born so this is something I went to the parents for. If you do not have this access, I imagine you can ask them if you can put the last one you remember. For example, I had some missing and I said neither my mother nor myself knew where it had been; this didn’t affect anything at all for us.

II. The hearing itself.

Once everything is uploaded to your case number, including the background check which again may take longer than expected so it’s advised to get it done ASAP and file along with it, no waiting game. You will be assigned a judge, a case number, and be asked to call the judge’s secretary (not sure of the actual job title, I’m sorry, Theresa) to arrange a court date.

I was told that you will not be able to choose your day or time.

Now, as I mentioned before, in Brevard all our legal branches are in one district, rather right across from one another or on a different floor. For me, on the date of my hearing, it was on the third floor of the same building as the Court of Clerk. I signed in, waited until I was called, and went in.

They might ask you to fill out the Final Disposition form as best to your knowledge (of course not signing for the judge, that would be stupid), I forgot to because I was in a rush but that’s alright, Theresa helped me out with that.

NO THIS WILL NOT TAKE PLACE IN THE OPEN COURTROOM YOU SEE IN SHOWS AND MOVIES. Or, God, I hope it doesn’t for any of you. That would be insane. It was simply in the honor’s chambers. She came out and sat down and welcomed me. The process consisted of handing her my information and affidavit. She read everything, it all looked good, and she asked me the usual questions after I swore that I would tell the whole truth, etc. I am doing this to escape bankrupty or any legal trouble? Things like that.

When asked to give a reason, you merely have to say that you are transitioning and looking to change your name to your now preferred. If they ask for any proof regarding your “trans-ness” (and I can’t imagine that is in the least bit professional) you are not obligated as far as I know? Because that’s most likely a breach of your own privacy and overall... shitty???

Once it was all squared away, she signed and wished me a good day! Theresa made me official copies to keep, and others were e-copied to my official files.

It was done.

II. The judge isn’t responsible for the gender marker.

This comes down to the SSA (Social Security Administration), and I had been turned around by this. It apparently isn’t a “legal” matter in terms of the judge needing to be convinced, as far as my research has led me. All they require is that affidavit, as well as your court order for name change if you’re doing them at the same time and... yeah, it was easier.

Again, no questions other than if I’m doing this to avoid yadda-yadda or have malicious intent. It took about... five minutes of my agent typing before going “okay, it’s done” and handing me a paper declaring that I had this done on said date. It didn’t cost anything.

She said it would be an “overnight refresh” for the system to log this actual change to be used for the DMV, but as far as I was concerned, it was official! And very, very shocking how smoothly and just... unbiased the interaction was. 24 to 48 hours is the suggested waiting period before going to the next part...

III. The DMV, getting that license/ID.

Okay, so the DMV can be horrible sometimes but not always and in regards to this, those agents still aren’t allowed to refuse your service based on you being transgender because you literally have legal documents and the SSA to prove them wrong.

All you have to say is you’re looking to update your name and gender marker on the license, you’ll be asked to provide the infamous documents we’re all learning to love to carry back and forth everywhere and it should be set. They might ask several times to check everything to make sure there are no mistakes.

If you’re updating your address from an old one, they’ll need two kinds of proof of this address, I don’t think it matters if your older name is on there, I remember that being stated. I literally did not have anything so she offered to, no joke, give me a basic level fishing license that would have my name and the address I wanted on it. This counts as an official document they can use.

So now I can properly go off-shore fishing, I guess.

I think for my initial ID it cost $20 to print but this time it was around $37, so obviously be prepared to pay for the new one. It’s nice and shiny and please look nice when you go because oh god, I had to ask politely if I could retake. My hair was a cowlick mess.

BEFORE I FORGET: Since they’ll clip your previous card to mark it’s no longer valid, it doesn’t hurt to ask if you should hang onto it in case you need to provide further proof of your “previous identity”.

IV. Other things you will need to update ASAP.

Obviously, you should have your birth certificate “amended” but I have not reached out to do this yet as I can file for it through the mail. And you should be able to anywhere, just look up where your closes Department of Vital Statistics is, what they’re called, visit their site to see if you can do it only, through mail, or go there for an appointment if that’s easier.

Note: I went through the process of filing for the name change but it didn’t give me the option of the gender marker change there so it’s probably best, if you go through mail or in person if you get the same as me on your branch’s site.

You’ll need all your lovely files packed up and ready to go, further proof of identification (SSN, I imagine, original certificate) and that’s why I would think going in person is better. Having those very vital documents being handled and wondering if it will end up in the wrong hands... yeah. I don’t know how long this process takes and I’m not really headed for it ASAP so okay maybe this one isn’t an emergency. As far as I know, the only thing a birth certificate is used for, or the reason you would need it amended, is to update your passport with new name, gender, etc. And yeah, oh, duh, put your passport on the list if you’ve got one.

I literally have no idea if everyone just has one or only needs one for if they’ve traveled out of the country before. My father is from England so we did a lot of bouncing back and forth.

NEXT!

Okay, this one actually is very important and should be done same-day or as soon as you can. PLEASE UPDATE YOUR NAME ON YOUR BANK ACCOUNT(S). I CAN’T IMAGINE WHAT THE HELL WOULD HAPPEN IF SUDDENLY YOU WEREN’T ABLE TO ACCESS IT. You will have to show everything to your bank branch to get it updated for your account, again it’s a very unbiased and easy action. I was even given an enthusiastic congratulations from the clerk, it was very nice. There was no charge, I was given temporary checks as a back-up if anyone needed proof of who owned the account.

They did not cancel my current card but a new one will be mailed to you at the address provided with it. That didn’t change for me so updating that is beyond me. I imagine it’s the same as the rest.

Less immediate things that come to mind are things like... subscriptions to delivered goods, Amazon, Ebay, Etsy, sites like that. Obviously your paypal but the name change request is pretty easy through this process since you can now just fill out the form. I haven’t done it to its entirety yet but I assume they’ll ask for the scan of your new ID.

IV. Other notes and general advice.

> If you post your exciting news online anywhere with a photo of your new license, I recommend censoring out your DOB, current address if it’s on the front, obviously, and at least most of your ID’s number. Seems small but it’s still information that strangers who past the photo can use.

> This may take longer than it did for me, but that doesn’t make it any less exhausting. I couldn’t sleep sometimes, I barely had an appetite as the days crept closer and the anxiety was pretty normal. It lingered once I got home with everything done... but it faded. What came next was PURE, UNADULTERATED EXHAUSTION. Please take whatever time off you need to recover or just regroup and let yourself breathe. I’m still waking up having no idea if the process was real or not and I am suffering from this weird disconnect of it all??

> Go crazy, celebrate! You did it! I treated myself with ice cream and a nine-hour nap. For some this might be a mid-step or their last. I am a trans man who has yet to be on testosterone to for me, that feels like my “last” step in transitioning. There aren’t real milestones in transitioning, however, everyone goes at their own pace and does what feels comfortable to them.

Wherever you are in your journey, I’m very proud of you.

If you see information that may be confusing, please don’t hesitate to message me personally asking for clarification and I’ll try to get back to or ask someone who may know.

If you want to include fees and locations and advice regarding your own county and state, please, please do. As I said, this was only for Brevard County in Melbourne, FL. I can’t imagine it doesn’t differ here and there.

Good luck, everyone.

#trans resource #legal name change #gender marker change #post #govt crap

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cloneslugs · 5 years

Note

oh fuck u sent me multiple so demo/engie/medic/scout and also u can do the one i already sent

ty i love you

Demo

favorite thing about them

he’s super fun!!! but also really smart and caring and just an all around cool dude he’s like B) !

least favorite thing about them

this isnt about him personally lol but like official stuff(comics) lighten the fuck out of his skin and its like. dont

favorite line

i didnt even see this question when i first did this wtf but uh all his “i love you” esque lines are really excellent

brOTP

exclusing soldier lol!!! probably sniper or engie!!

OTP

soldier :’)

nOTP

besides scout & pyro & just like. looking at just the mercs no one really demo deserves love

random headcanon

he likes turtles a lot & just reptiles/amphibians in general just in a kinda neat/favorite animal type way nothing special, he gets around with engie and sniper and they all get drunk and they talk about cryptids, he has a super big heart he loves love, outside of the battlefield he’s pretty apprehensive and cautious moreso than lots of the others at least, he doesnt push himself to be it often just bc he doesnt like leaderly positions but he defo has one of the more valid voices of reason amongst all of them, he loves to help and just listen to people he’s always ready to offer you a drink and take a load off and just talk things out & he’s super chill and easy to talk to anyway, he comes off as really lazy but he can jump up and make do when he needs to

unpopular opinion

idk whats considered popular or not on here lol but like!! he’s not just stupid silly drunk man he’s actually got heart and is pretty intelligent & like probably one of the better off mercs if he wanted himself to be

song i associate with them (this is literally the worst question im so bad at this if i dont have lots n lots of searching time and also i forget all music ever)

cheap thrills - sia

favorite picture of them (sorry 4 bg edits im doing what i have on hand lol)

hes so fucking happy i love you!!!

Engie

favorite thing about them

he’s my fucking husband he makes my heart fucking soar!!! he’s a quiet little sweetheart and he’s just really smart and nice and has morals iusdahui

least favorite thing about them

fucking nothing you animals

favorite line

all his fucking nerdy engineering lines are so fucking good ;____; he’s so smart and passionate god“i love engines! pinion shafts! flanges. mitigating shock loads. but most of all: i love winnin’!” “they won’t know what hit ‘em! though it’ll likely to be bullets. statistically speaking” theres more but im like ;___; just thinking about him ah

brOTP

medic babey!!!!!! i have a thing for shitty best friends that tire each other out (especially on one side) but love each other at the end of the day and are just ride or diepyro also but for completely different reasons :-)

OTP

spy is fucking excellent -.- dont @ me

nOTP

soldier lol (excluding pyro & scout)

random headcanon

i think all the mercs are autsitic but engie is one of my fucking fav ahhhhh, he and medic info dump for hours especially where their special interests overlap and it gets really boring if youre not one of them lol, he loves learning but he hated school so much ):, he has pretty bad anxiety but only under certain circumstance, he’s kinda jealous that spy gets to automatically be seen as a paternal figure bc of scout and he kinda wishes he could settle in like that but he also doesnt think he’d be very good at it for a very prolonged amount of time, he loves math!!!! he loves numbers a lot he associates it with lots of fun and colors and just !!!!! wow wow!!, he has really really really high empathy when it comes to machines and stuff, he loves dogs especially smaller ones, he really loves to fidget w/ tools and stuff bc he always has one on hand and theres lots you can do with some of them, he’s really lazy and has a hard time applying himself sometimes

unpopular opinion

the comics really brush him aside i need to see him more please for the love of god he’s just as interesting as anyone else also fat engie is the only valid engie & also soldier/engie is fucking forced and weird idk where it comes from except they wear hats lol & also people call engie short but if you dont make him 5′00 give or take 3 inches youre doing it wrong and i cant stand by it

song i associate with them

this is like. also a soldier song for me lol but Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect - the decemberists

favorite picture of them

ms pauling and medic!! his buddies :) also i just love the shadowboxers art

his fly costume makes me so ;___; i love you little man

also i hate to default to beard engie but this is literally the sexiest man alive

Medic

favorite thing about them

i have a thing for shitty men with halfway decent hearts but are trying(sometimes) okay like okay he’s so chaotic and bad but ;___; i love you

least favorite thing about them

this mostly applies to his Meet the vid but he comes off as really apathetic and cruel? i think in everything else he comes off as a bit nicer if not absentminded and not too socially aware which is :)

favorite line

bro when he warns heavy about that gun in the comix? gay rights U__U also the like “you can take the brain out of the criminal and put it in a pumpkin, but you cant take the criminal out of the brain in the pumpkin” or whatever shit sir i love you

brOTP

engie baby!!!! i also really like spy & sniper bc im weak for shitty support relationships i think med just works really good w/ everyone really in some way

OTP

heavy baby!!!

nOTP

all of the mercs are fine (excluding the usual lol) but like cHeavymed people are freaks die

random headcanon

he has really poor eating & sleeping habits he almost relies on everyone else to keep him alive, he’s autistic & he’s jewish but not really practicing, he pulls & tugs on things when he’s stressed, he’s actually really smart medically he just doesn’t like showing it/messing w/ people (it makes some of the smarter mercs nervous lol), when he gets bored & has nothing to play with he digs for drama he loves to start unnecessary arguments that have no value whatssoever, he’s scared of dogs, he only trusts sniper & maybe heavy to handle his birds if he were to die, heavy & archimedes are like mega comfort objects(?) for him !!, he’s kinda really bad at showing he likes/cares for people, this goes especially hard on engie ):, he has a really big sweet tooth, he cant cook, he doesnt ever censor himself and can be pretty rude, he’s an open book and has no sense of integrity, he got super attached to heavy right off the bat for seemingly no reason and it was just super awkward lol, he gets distracted really easily and drops projects too often when he gets bored/forgets, his room is a mess he doesnt know how to do chores, he’s trans and hasnt done anything to medically transition but he handles everyone on team who is

unpopular opinion

he’s not a fucking sociopath lol like he has a heart and cares he just has a hard time differentiating right from wrong and doesnt think things out i love you

song i associate with them

this is my emo music time i keep changing this but im gonna go It Was A Swift Not A Swallow - Crywank

favorite picture of them

i cant pick between these two he’s saving his fucking boyfriends life & also the 2nd he just looks so peaceful and :)

Scout

favorite thing about them

he’s a sweet boy!!! he just wants friends and he’s stuck with a bunch of middle aged men we have to love his endurance also he’s a little baby faced menace i love you

least favorite thing about them

in the canon i ignore lol.. too straight we cant have that

favorite line

all his lines talking about how the group of them are all best friends and stuff??? i love that

brOTP

sniper !!!! also spy also everyone

OTP

no one really lol pyro is like. the only one im comfy w/

nOTP

sniper lol if we’re talking popular things & all the rest of the mercs really

random headcanon

he’s a super sweet boy who loves everyone on the team, he warmed up the fastest out of all of them and became super attached!!, he really wants a base dog, he really likes to spend time with everyone and listen to them talk like he loves sitting with engie and having him explain nerdy engineering nonsense that he’ll never get but he tries to but its just fun seeing how excited the other person is!!!, he became super close to sniper right off the bat for some reason which is weird bc scout can talk forever and sniper doesn’t know how to hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes but they like hanging out even if it gets tiring, he lives off of sugary drinks medic keeps telling him to stop, he loves to hang out w/ spy and they get on each others nerves but really enjoy it at the end of the day, he has little to no sense of boundaries, he loves to give hugs!!, he really tries to engage with everyone’s interests like i said he just loves making/seeing other people happy, he loves being part of big groups it always just feels like a big family to him

unpopular opinion

he gay :)

song i associate with them

the calculation - regina spektor

favorite picture of them

trans rights!!!

Soldier

favorite thing about them

he is a sweetheart he is my big stupid husband and we both love raccoons =.=

least favorite thing about them

the patriotism…… we arent having that

favorite line

he’s literally so fucking funny especially all his things w/ merasmus and just. everything

brOTP

excluding demo uh !!! SPY!!!! :D

OTP

demo :)

nOTP

engie x.x

random headcanon

he’s super sweet !!! he loves his friends so much, he loves to show off his raccoons to everyone :), he bonds w/ sniper over wildlife(raccoons), everyone has a lot of patience w/ him bc he struggles to communicate things a lot and kinda needs his time to get points across, he’s actually really observant and it would be really good if he just didnt jump to wild conclusions based off of it all the time, he’s really conscious of his actions and how they affect others like he’s kinda violent impulsively but hes taken note of who is and isnt okay with it or who’s okay w/ him saying what in front of them, he’s really protective of his friends!!! he knows theyre capable but he loves looking out for them, he loves to drag them off on fitness expeditions/training but he tires out before a good number of them/gets bored, he wakes up the earlies he loves the mornings, he can cook but nobody knows it, like scout he loves to indulge in what other people like but he’s more handson he loves to screw in screws for engie or hand medic tools or read out loud to spy or heavy or show sniper things he catches/turn over rocks with him, he loves medics birds but doc wont let him touch them ):, he wants to get a base dog too, he has no volume or tone control, probably the best hugger, he’s kinda shy about personal things like himself in general or being trans & liking guys he’s actually pretty decent at keeping personal things to himself not that he wouldnt share it just feels weird,

unpopular opinion

he’s not just like shouty mean stupid man,,, he’s actually really sweet

song i associate with them

rejoice- AJJ

favorite picture of them

i have worse naked honey pics but this is fucking it lads gay rights

#im like. digging thru my tee eff 2 playlist on spotify this is hell #asks #tf text #sorry this is long lol i feel like im leaving out so much #also shout out to cecil youre the only valid person out here #triplecrossed #if i missed anything kick me #these make me so happy to do i love talking and talking and talking about my interests

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yuriyuu · 7 years

Text

Sharks

Yuri had plans to come out to Yuuri, eventually at least, but such things rarely go as planned.

Pairing: Yuuri/Yuri

Warnings for mentions of period talk and anxiety/insecurity about coming out.

(Also please don’t tell me I wrote my trans character the wrong way. I’m trans and this is loosely based off of my own experiences)

(Read on AO3)

(Portuguese translation)

Yuri had a secret, one that he never dared speak of. He kept it well guarded, even more well guarded than his oh so secret more than friendly feelings for a certain Japanese figure skater. Such secrets he never planned to tell, he’d take them to the grave he always figured, but things don't always go as planned. Accidentally confessing his long harbored crush to Yuuri while they were thousands of miles apart from each other? Yuri hadn’t planned that. And he certainly wasn't expecting Yuuri to reciprocate his feelings and to end up in a long distance relationship with him over the course of the course the next few weeks. Really, the fact they were now a little over half a year into a relationship was the only reason why Yuri would spill his closely guarded secret to him. Under no other circumstances would he even dream of letting the cat out of the bag so to speak.

Yet every time he wanted to tell him the nature of the beast, it just simply wasn't the right time. And sometimes, Yuri would just outright forget it was an issue. He lived as male, he passed as male (for the most part anyway), his paperwork? Well, Yuuri didn't have to look at that and he competed in men's, didn't he? Surely his absent mindedness in forgetting to inform Yuuri about what he had (or didn't have) in his pants could be forgiven. It's not like anyone else knew, and it's not like he wanted anyone to know or that anyone had to know. Not to mention, the excitement of having four years worth of pent up romantic attraction actually be returned is enough to make anyone forget such a small, minor detail, right? And to his credit, he had plans to tell Yuuri. He just thought such a conversation of, “Hey, I know we are dating but there's something important that I forgot to mention. I'm actually transgender so I probably don't have quite the anatomy you are expecting and I come loaded with gender related emotional baggage that you probably don't wanna deal with, but we’re cool, right?” is better suited for face to face, rather than text message, phone call, or video chat, or so Yuri told himself. Him? Procrastinating on telling? Nonsense.

He’d tell Yuuri the next time they’d see each other in person for skating. That was his final decision, his ultimatum to himself. He would tell him after the Grand Prix Final. That way if Yuuri wanted to break up with him, he'd have the entire offseason to get over it. Not to mention, Yuri refused to be broken up with before he got any in person, real life cuddles and kisses, damnit.

But now, he has regrets. Oh boy does he have regrets. He’s stuck in a hotel bathroom in a foreign city staring at the crime scene in his underwear with the utmost horror. Shit. Why does he always forget this happens? Maybe he's lucky, maybe he didn't bleed through to his jeans so he could sneakily go to the store without changing. But oh, what is he saying. Of course he did. It's the curse of having a heavy flow! Every month this happens, every month he's caught unaware and his pants ruined without fail. Pads and tampons? Him remember to pack them? Utter nonsense. He never remembered to. He hadn't remembered to ever since he moved out of his grandpa’s home, and only then did he remember because good ol’ grandpa Plisetsky would remind him like the kind soul he is.

Yuuri knocks on the door. “Yuri? Are you okay? You’ve been in there for a while.”

“I’m fine!” Yuri barks out. Shit. What the hell was he supposed to do in this situation? Perhaps he could do what he normally did, which was to wear his shittiest black sweatpants, shove copious amounts of toilet paper in his underwear, and wander about until he found a store. That’s so suspicious though, and Yuuri would definitely raise questions. Ugh, this was the worst. This is definitely not what he had planned at all.

Yuri sits on the toilet, heart racing in panic over the dilemma he’d gotten himself into and how he could weasel himself out of it. He really, really doesn’t want to wander around a strange city by himself as he bleeds his weight in bodily fluid junk, and he really doesn’t want to lie to Yuuri either. He should have told him a long time ago, like in the beginning of their relationship or even while they were discussing the nature of their feelings and what it meant for them. Only now was the weight of his mistake is sinking in.

Yuri Plisetsky was utterly screwed.

Unless...he asked Yuuri to get tampons for him? He could kill two birds with one stone then, but he planned to wait until after Finals to drop the bomb. That way if things took a turn for the worse, he’d have time to throw himself a private, one man pity party and not have to see Yuuri’s ugly face around while he did so.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need anything?” Yuuri asks again as more minutes crawl by. Yuri’s starting to feel utterly desperate by this time, so he takes a deep breath, and he figures he may as well rip the bandaid off all at once.

Yuri cracks open the door and peeks his head out. “Hey, Katsudon. Be good boyfriend for me and go to the store and buy me some tampons.”

“Eh? What do you need those for?” Yuuri asks, utterly confused by Yuri’s strange request.

He huffs. “What do you think I need them for, you moron? Go to the store and get me some! I swear I’ll explain everything when you get back, okay?!”

Maybe calling him a moron wasn't the best thing to do, and he didn't plan on that either. Why must he be like this? Why can't things ever go as planned?

“I don’t know the first thing about tampons!” Yuuri cries out, “What kind do you need?”

“Oh my god I don’t care what kind you get. Just get me something. If you get something useless, it’ll at least get me to the store so I can buy the right ones. Just hurry up and go!”

“O-okay! Hang on, okay? I’ll be back soon!”

And with that, Yuuri is gone and Yuri is stuck, left to deal with an onslaught of anxiety.

This totally isn’t how he wanted to come out to Yuuri at all. Oh well, what’s done is done, and if Yuuri breaks up with him over this, then so be it. At least he got his cuddles and his kisses. And maybe being broken up with while there’s a lot going on to distract him wouldn’t be such a bad thing…

As Yuri’s left to stew in his thoughts, a wave of guilt hits him for even feeling like he has to mentally prepare for a messy break up. Yuuri is kind and understanding and patient, so very patient. Yuri has faith that he won't hate him over this, he really does. He has faith this won't dissolve their relationship into nothing, or mutate it into something unsalvageable and unrecognizable. But...people can get weird about such things. He’s trans, he’s heard the stories, he’s not naive. Sometimes faith just isn’t enough, and yet, it’s all he can have. So he clings onto the tiny fabric of hope that Yuuri won’t be weirded out, or hate him, or be repulsed by his misaligned body, or even be pissed that he kept it a secret all these months.

Man, he really wishes Yuuri would get back soon. He’s not sure if it’s the hormones, the feeling of dread, or a concoction of both, but Yuri really wants to be held right now.

When he hears the sound of the door opening, Yuri breathes a sigh of relief.

“I’m back! Here, open the door so I can give them to you.” Yuri hears after what feels like a decade, and Yuuri’s voice sounds like angels calling. Yuri cracks open the door and Yuuri hands him a plastic shopping bag.

“Thanks,” he mumbles, avoiding eye contact with Yuuri as he takes the bag.

Goodness, how many packages of period product did Yuuri buy? It seems there’s something of everything in this bag. Pads, tampons, heavy flow, light flow, extra comfort, overnight...really it’s a bit overkill and overwhelming. But surely this was a good sign? That Yuuri still cared about him even though he was just about to drop the biggest plot twist of the century on him? I mean...if he didn’t care he wouldn’t have bought all kinds of random things to make sure Yuri was comfortable...right? If he was about to break up with him over such a thing, he probably would have just grabbed whatever and called it a day...right?

Ugh, whatever. Yuri really needs to get out and face Yuuri now. He grabs a tampon, concludes his business, and is finally free of bathroom prison.

When Yuuri sees that Yuri is finally out of the bathroom, he immediately says, “Sorry I took so long! I wasn’t sure what to get. I hope there was something useful in there.”

“No, no. It’s fine,” Yuri reassures, “What you got was fine. I’ll be good for a while.” He’s still avoiding eye contact with him.

“Oh that’s good, I’m relieved.” Yuuri says as he digs through another bag, “Here, I also got you painkillers and chocolate. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but my sister always said that chocolate helps, and I know cramps are a thing.”

Yuri nervously plays with the edge of his t-shirt, tugging slightly at the fabric and wrapping it around his fingers. “Yeah um, thanks for that…” All he can do is look down at his feet, look anywhere but at Yuuri. He doesn’t even know if Yuuri is looking at him. The last thing he wants is to see his boyfriend giving him any kind of weird, confused look.

Neither of them are exactly saying anything, and Yuri can feel the awkwardness of the situation suffocating him. He wants to say it, just blurt out the words, “Yuuri, I’m transgender. I wasn’t born a boy.” He wants to blurt out an apology for being secretive, for not telling him straight away. There’s so many things he wants to say, but the words feel like rocks lodged in his throat and all he can do is choke on them.

Really, it’s stupid that he’s so scared. Yuuri went above and beyond in dealing with this little surprise period escapade. He wouldn’t buy him expensive pads and tampons, wouldn’t buy him painkillers and chocolate if he was about to break up with him over such a thing...right?

But god, what if Yuuri thinks he’s a girl now? Will refuse to see him as a boy now? He doesn’t mind of Yuuri is ignorant or doesn’t understand, but please, he doesn’t want to be thought of as a girl. He’d break off the relationship his damn self should it come to that.

It’s Yuuri who breaks the silence. He gently grabs both of Yuri’s hands to get his attention. “Hey, Yuri. I have a question to ask you,” He says. His voice sounds calm, and a bit meek, as if he’s encroaching forbidden territory.

“Then spit it out already,” Yuri says back, although his voice lacks its usual bite. He’s looking down at their hands, and gently squeezes when Yuuri starts running his thumb along his.

“Are you…” Yuuri pauses for a moment to collect his thoughts, or maybe even his courage, “Are you trans?”

If Yuri wasn’t already giving Yuuri his undivided attention, he certainly was now. For the first time since his solitary confinement in the bathroom, he’s actually looking at Yuuri now, staring at him even, wide eyed and in shock.

“Why? Is it that obvious? Do you hate me now or something?”

The minute Yuri sees panic flash across Yuuri’s eyes, he feels guilty.

“No! Not at all!” Yuuri yells out as he squeezes both of Yuri’s hands before pulling him into a hug, “I don’t hate you because of that! Why would you say something like that?”

The rocks are back, lodged firmly in Yuri’s throat as he slowly returns Yuuri’s hug. “Because...people treat us like we’re some kind of freaks or something. We’re weird, we’re not right in the head, we’re sick.”

Yuri’s words only make Yuuri hold him tighter, and Yuri feels as if he could melt into the embrace. “Oh, Yuri... I don’t understand what it’s like, I know I can’t, but please know I don’t think that at alll. I care about you. You’re my boyfriend and my friend, and I want you to feel comfortable, okay?”

Emotions aren’t Yuri’s strong suit, and he feels at a loss of what to say. Relief floods through his body, but it leaves him feeling weak and paralyzed. He hides his face in the crook of Yuuri’s neck and just nods and prays that Yuuri understands what he wants to convey.

Yuuri sits down along the edge of the bed with Yuri still clinging onto him. “And it’s not obvious that you’re trans, so don’t worry. I actually had no idea, even after you asked me to go the store for you. I was so confused, but it hit me while I was walking back to the hotel.”

“I’m sorry,” Yuri mumbles into Yuuri’s neck.

“For what?”

“Where do you want me to begin? Keeping it a secret, not telling you right away, springing this on you in the worst way possible. Really…I should have told you before we started going out.” He pauses and adjusts himself to look at Yuuri. “But I was scared to.”

Admitting his fear leaves him feeling vulnerable and naked, as if he’s giving Yuuri permission to hurt him and catch him off guard. Yuuri wouldn’t hurt him, he would never, but he still can’t shake the paranoia that comes with signing over your secrets to someone you hold dear.

“I planned to tell you in the beginning, I really did. But I was scared you would break up with me before we even got to see each other again, and like hell was I going to be broken up with before I got to see you in person, especially not after I spent the last four years of my life hiding my feelings from you.”

He pauses to collect his thoughts, and Yuuri patiently waits.

“And then I figured, maybe it’s not a big deal. Maybe I don’t have to tell you. No one in the skating world knows, except Yakov and Lilia. The only people outside of the skating world who know is my Grandpa and my deadbeat family. That honestly seemed like the best option, to just never tell you, especially considering we are mostly long distance…” Yuri looks away, as if he’s ashamed he just admitted his desire to never let Yuuri know, “But the closer we got to actually seeing each other again, I realized that wouldn’t be good. I haven’t had surgery yet, it’s obvious. I mean i’m lucky i’m small, and I can bind with just a heavy duty sports bra, so you can’t tell by looking at me or when i’m skating, but if we were to do anything...you’d know.”

Yuuri stays quiet, as if he’s waiting for Yuri to let him know he’s done saying his part. The last thing he wants to do is interrupt him before he gets everything off his chest.

Yuri takes Yuuri’s silence as permission to keep speaking. “And plus, I don’t want to keep lying to you. I don’t want to keep secrets from you. When you accepted my feelings, you accepted them from a boy, not a confused girl trying to be a boy.”

He wasn’t planning on interrupting Yuri, but Yuuri feels it would now be an appropriate time to interrupt. “Do you think you’re confused?”

Yuri’s expression turns into a scowl. “Fuck no, I’m not confused. Everyone else is confused, which is why it’s easier to just not say anything.”

“Do you think I’m confused?”

The question catches Yuri off guard, and he shifts uncomfortably next to Yuuri. “I don’t know. Are you? I mean if you are I guess I could answer your questions...I mean you don’t seem to be judging me and you seem to be pretty okay with the idea of this.”

“As far as I’m concerned, I’m dating a another guy. When we met all those years ago, you were a guy. You were always a guy to me. This doesn’t change anything. Maybe I don’t fully understand, maybe I’ll say the wrong thing by mistake, but I don’t see you as a confused girl trying to be a boy. You always were a boy to me, and you will continue to be one to me.” He has no idea if that was the right thing to say, or if that was comforting at all to Yuri. He certainly hopes, because the last thing he wants to do is say something callous when Yuri is trusting him with something as personal as this.

“You’re not as confused as I thought you would be, and you’re taking this a lot better than I thought you would.” Really, now Yuri feels like an ass for assuming the worst out of Yuri.

“I used to be confused, but my roommate before Phichit was also trans. He taught me a lot.”

“Oh, good,” Yuri says as he leans into Yuuri’s shoulder, “I should thank him for doing the obnoxious part for me. I hate dealing with people’s questions and stupid confused faces..” He pauses for a moment, and panics slightly. “But I would happily deal with your questions and stupid confused face…”

“I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.” He can’t help but laugh slightly. Out of what? Nervousness? Mild amusement? He doesn’t know.

“No! Would you believe that I’m not being sarcastic for once?” He ends up laughing too. “I mean it! If you have questions or don’t get anything, you’re the one person I wouldn’t mind answering to, so you better feel special!”

Yuri’s laughter is music to Yuuri’s ears. After seeing him look so solemn and anxious the entire discussion, he’s glad to hear the relief in his voice. “Oh, trust me. I feel very special.”

“Good, you better feel special,” he purrs as he crawls into Yuuri’s lap and kisses the tip of his nose. “You’re really okay with this?”

“More than okay with this.”

“Also, one final thing,” he says, voice lowering to a stern whisper, “Don’t tell a soul about this. I swear to god, if you tell anyone, I will come to Japan and personally bleed all over everything you love.”

Oh, what a Yuri thing to say after all this is said and done. It brings a smile to his face.

“I wouldn’t dream of it. Your secret is safe with me. Please don’t come to my house and bleed all over everything I love, okay? Promise?” He even gives Yuri a kiss for good measure, for extra pleading, and he smiles when Yuri kisses him back.

“I promise.”

#yuriyuu #yuri plisetsky #yuuri katsuki #trans yuri plisetsky #yuri on ice #my writing

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crazyfangarlady · 7 years

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Sildy I know like little of the windy son I drew for you please ramble about him to me 💙 also how's the green bean

my boy my man my love ZACH I’m calling it right now this is going to take me the night if I don’t try to keep it short.

Imiel is doing good!! Kind of in a lore pause while he waits for his boss’s new dragon to be born. Jeez, Ono.

nOW for proper rambles under the cut~

Most of that can probably already be found in his tag on my blog, but honestly I don’t even remember what’s in there anymore or how accurate it is. Though it’s probably still mostly good, if you wanna check it out for details I might skip here~(sidenote: after checking out his tag myself I realized there are interactions with some people you do Not like in there so. While the info is good and there is no connected lore, be wary some not-nice names are included. ;v;)

I am tORN though because there’s this huge shift between how he’s been for most of the time I had him and his current state due to Recent Lore Happenings. So whiCH ZACH DO I TALK ABOUT?? …the answer is probably to start from the beginning. More rambles for your soul. This will be too long and I am slightly sorry

Zach’s a wind mage, and part of my pirate crew, as the helmsdragon - basically, he makes the ship fly, up to creating artificial winds when needed to steer it where they want to go. That’s basically all he does- he doesn’t even take part in any of the the fighting or plundering (when the rest of the crew’s busy doing That, he’s still flying the airship). Our man doesn’t much like fighting, you see.

…which might sound weird coming from a pirate, but he’s not always been one. It’s quite a recent thing, even. He was born to a family of very rich merchants from the Cloudsong, and lived most of his life basically free from trouble. Good living environment, a family that loved him more than anything - he has a twin sister, named Adara, and they grew up real close. Best sibs.

The only thing that sets him apart from the rest of his fam is his proficiency at magic. And the man is crazy good at it. It’s innate. Heck, he could make things around him and himself as well fly before he even knew how to walk or how to speak. He was quite a handful as a child. Thankfully he was well-behaved.His parents tried to hire confirmed mages to teach him to make the best out of his powers, but it???? didn’t yield anything. Mostly because he didn’t understand the methods they wanted him to apply, and also because he didn’t want to try much… So he just kept on going with whatever he could do on his own, and not much understanding why or how it worked. Why would he?? It felt more natural to him than so many other things that were already effortless.

(People who know his powers like to joke that to be this talented, he must be the windsinger’s own son. But they’re not that far from the truth… His sister was an only egg, and a fragile one- the others had been created lifeless. Their parents prayed to the Windsinger that she’d live, and Winddad heard them. He also heard how sad they were that their other eggs did not live, and so he was like. “Yknow what, I’m gonna do y’all a favor”, and while strengthening Adara’s own egg, created a perfect copy of it from his own magic, out of which Zach would be born.)(An identical copy of his sister, created from pure magic, by his god’s own hands. Come on, he’s made of the stuff, of course it’d flow naturally to him.)

ANYWAY. Sadly, good times have an end, he has to end up on that pirate ship somehow.

See, his family’s business was well-established, making lot of money and all. But some people didn’t like that, or certain new decisions they’d made. And one rousing scandal and some carefully planted ‘evidence’ later, their name was that of traitors, and the heads of the family, imprisoned. So our man Zach, who’d been enjoying life half doing his own thing, half helping out with said business, found himself homeless, money-less, and with everyone he used to know turning his back on him, either believing the lies or not wanting to associate with him to save face.

I think he left the Cloudsong for a little while, maybe went to his sister’s… But eventually he came back, because it was all that he knew. Maybe to see if things had changed? He’s a stubborn one. Well, they had not, and he ended up finishing his day in some random tavern in the not-so-well-frequented area. By which I mean, most of the patrons being outlaws of some sort. The only place where people would serve him anymore without at least a handful of people giving him weird looks.

That’s where he happened upon my pirate crew, and most specifically its captain, Eydis. They’d met once before, but in very different circumstances (still good though). But all that Eyds remembered basically boiled down to “this guy is a good mage, and I need a new one of those, hEY GUY OVER THERE WANNA WORK FOR ME?”

(She’s not very subtle)

(And he was kind of in a reckless mood so he was like “A friendly face? Sign me up”)(…he just did not remember that she was a pirate. Only that he didn’t associate any negative things with her, and in that moment, that was all he needed.)(...he still has trouble explaining his reasoning from back then now. If someone asks him, he say he just followed his instinct- maybe it was a little push of fate? But hey, things turned out for the better!)

So he became a member of my pirate crew. Befriended most everyone quite easily, tbh, he’s a very sympathetic guy, and a very valuable asset to the crew too. Things went so well he ended up falling in love with Eydis, they even had some kids... At some point down the line my man Cenric comes back to the crew too, falls hard for Zach, who also loves him quite a lot, and Eydis is like “if you don’t both confess I will personally make this happen” and now they’re dating too. Its generally just Chill for a good, long time period. Happiness up on a (pirate) airship.

THEN Carver, his son, happens to die. That’s hard blow #1. He kind of bottles it up, because he’s not good at dealing with things and if he just stays positive he can do as if nothing happened, right? right??TheN, within only a few months, some heck happens over with his other two children. That’s hard blow #2. This one is a little harder to shake off. On top of Carver’s death, the emotional toll becomes kind of heavy. He’s having a bit of trouble right now tbh, not to mention that Eyds is not doing her best either- and with their captain in a bad spot, the entire crew can feel it. That’s two of their most energetic people down. The mood is just Not That Great..

AND THEN more stuff happens but this is hella long so imma cut it there bc it is Not Official Yet (and once it is it’ll probs come out in a pseudo-update that’s just Bad Writing: Discord Update Edition bc i Cannot Hecking Write)

BUT!!!!! Some Bulletpoint Zach Facts for you still, in no particular order:

When I say he was born an identical copy of his sister aside from the magic powers, I mean it. He’s a trans man~

He “befriended” a Crowned Roc once. Which is to say, it tolerates him. He gets to ried on its back sometimes. By sitting on it and keeping himself stable with magic.

Said Roc is the one he got almost all his Windbound feathers from. Blessed them himself. In my lore, they are good luck charms and magic catalysts popular among wind flight mages

I’d talk about his approach to magic more but I found some posts instead

The jade jewelry he wears means a lot to him, and he gifted some to both his SOs, so have some very short things I wrote about those bc im a sappy shit

He almost never sleeps full nights, instead taking several short naps throughout the day. It takes a little while for other people to get used to it.

He’s, as of now, probably the most powerful dragon of my lair. And he doesn’t even realize it. This man is all potential... but almost only that.

He loves his family so much it is literally The Most Important thing to him ever. Family goes before anything else

His hair looks so ridiculously good all the time, he takes good care of it. He enjoys doing other people’s hair, too

He can’t fight to save his life

He’s almost killed a man once, though. Without even lifting a finger. I’ll need to tell that story someday. It was terrifying.

I’m cutting his hair off in future lore. It will be missed.

I love him so much but don’t do enough with him and also it’s sUPER LATE so I might stop here?

Oh wait look its theme songs time

That’s all I think?

If you have any more questions feel free to ask

Thank you so much for reading QvQ ♥

#cityofinoue #Sildy answers #c: zachariah #THIS GOT SO LONG THERES LIKE 1.5K WORDS THERE AT LEAST #im so sorry but also not really #WELL #THERE YOU GO

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camilliar · 7 years

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I'm curious about your trans headcanons now. I see occasional fic with CP characters as trans men who are already fully transitioned by the time they get to college, but I would be really interested to see the dynamics of a character coming out as a woman. Especially a character who presents very masculine in the comic, like Jack.

Hiiiii, Ilove this ask, come here, let’s be friends.

I’m not muchof a headcanon person, by which I mean, when I have ideas about characters Itend to put them into stories instead of “what if” informal posts. Thiscomplicates my cool fannish image because I look very inactive when really I’vejust been writing tens of thousands of words that, like a dodo, I absolutelywill not post as WIPs. On the other hand, it does mean I’ve written 20,000words about Jack being trans. I’ve mentioned it here,but I’m not sure to what extent it’ll end up as a story that gets posted.

At theoutset I should say that I take a center-liberal approach to fic writing, whichis to say, I like things to be canon-compliant when they’re not straight-upAUs, but I’m not fundamentalist about what canon-compliant means. I think there’sroom to write a story that adheres to the comic canon but posits that the circumstancesof the characters’ lives and relationships might shift in the future, beyondwhere canon takes them. In that sense I think you have to look at who Jack isif you’re going to do this, and there isn’t a lot of overt evidence that he’ssuffering gender confusion.

There is,however, a lot of subtext. Jack’s story is, in a lot of ways, about strugglingto conform to a neat performance of masculinity. He works incredibly hard tomeet these social expectations; the kind of person Jack is supposed to be doesn’tdeal with mental illness, or drug dependency, or like boys. There is a lot oftextual evidence in the comic that he is consciously or subconsciously fightingagainst these things by controlling the aspects of his life that he can bringin line with expectations: how he spends his days, what his body looks like,and what he reveals about himself to other people. He’s vague and sometimesobfuscating about that, and puts his experiences in terms of what he doesrather than who he is, which I find to be an interesting kind of detachment. Hegoes around telling people he is dating Bitty, but in the comic so far hasn’t identifiedas gay or bi or even something more general like queer or not straight.

I liked thatmoment where he was talking about thecosts of playing hockey that he’s willing to endure, and he mentions, “The expectations and the spotlight …. The anxiety…” Obviouslyhe has expectations for himself, but by and large “the expectations and thespotlight” are things that are external to Jack, things happening to him; Ithink given the recurring theme of people speculating on and assessing him,fairly or unfairly, it seems like he is thinking of these expectations as thoseheld by other people, not ones he’s placing on himself. His anxiety is not anexternal thing, though; it’s something that’s real but is only ever happening inhis brain, that he’s doing to himself. It might be exacerbated by a toxicsports media culture and the general drag that is patriarchal heteronormative bullshit,but his brain is something for him to own, and he’s putting some distancebetween himself, and that.

It’s interestingto me that Jack comes out to George when they’re running. Some of this ispractical; Jack wants to talk to her in as private a place as he can, and heprobably doesn’t have a lot of opportunities to get her alone at work, and itmight have been too much build-up for him to reach out and say, “I need to getyou alone so I can talk to you.” At the same time you have to look at all thethings Jack is tacitly communicating to George: I’m dating a dude, but, I’m still an elite athleteconforming to all of the other expectations of masculinity, I’ll go on this runwith you, I’m down for whatever you put on me, I’m the same person I was the last time we went on a run. He even puts on a dude-ish baseball cap before he gets out of the car, like he’sputting on his dude drag to go have this conversation. God forbid hisconfession that he’s with Bitty undermine George’s view of him as one of herhockey players.

Even hischoice of Bitty as a romantic partner is something I don’t think the fandomexamines enough. Partly it’s because Check,Please! is a yaoi slash heart-eyes adoraboo webcomic, so a good portion ofthe audience is going to just accept this canon couple as a given withoutlooking into it too deeply. I remember Ngozi saying somewhere, at some point,that Jack needs someone really special to get through to him, with theimplication being that Bitty is that special person, he is a flawless angel childwho straddles both ends of the gender-presentation spectrum with his tinyperfect ass bisecting the middle, god bless him. But I’m cynical so I can’tjust take that as a given, and I have to think about the way in which thepeople we associate with, and especially, the people we are attracted to, areways in which we practice our own identity construction. How does standing nextto Bitty make Jack look? Maybe Jack doesn’t think about it in thatstraightforward a manner, but he must be aware on some level that this is goingto reflect back on him. Why does he send Bitty a zillion roses for Valentine’sDay? I mean, the comic isn’t there yet, but let’s think this out for a second: it’sa textbook male gesture to send the person you’re dating flowers. So, Jacksends Bitty shitloads of flowers. It’stoo easy to just say that Jack is super intense and he gives 110 percent, he’sso extra, etc. Like, yes, he is extra, but why is he so extra? Because he canbe? Or because Bitty will be 110 percent happier with 110 extra roses? Or because he’strying to perform 110 percent masculinity?

Writingabout Jack coming out as a woman and transitioning is an interesting way toneedle at his character. (And also, an interesting way to needle at myself, youknow, that’s writing for you.) Back to my center-liberal mode of fannish participation:I do not think that Jack is fundamentally being written this way, but rather,that it’s one way to interpret and examine how Jack relates to himself andparticipates in traditional masculinity. There are a zillion other ways to dothis, and I find that almost every OMGCP fic I write or post I make is essentiallygetting at the problem of Jack’s character from a different angle. (Except onefic that’s the same, except, Kent Parson instead.)

For me, a majorissue in the problem of Jack’s character is that trying to establish himself inthe echelons of professional hockey caused him to suffer greatly, to the pointof almost dying, possibly intentionally—but he decided, for some reason, thathe wanted to go back for more, and try again. So much of the work I see in thisfandom is about how Jack pushing himself to overcome his issues and succeed inhockey is a positive character trait, and readers are proud of him. But Ithink, within the canon and within the fandom, there is a major unansweredquestion in the form of, what the heck is going on with this character that hecannot and will not stop doing things that have the potential to cause himserious harm? Is he just autistic, and unable to detach from this thing he’sfixated on? Is it that he has literally never thought about anything else hemight do with his life? Or is it that he cannot stop thinking of himself as ahockey player? What would happen if he did? How would he start to think abouthimself, if he stopped thinking of himself as a hockey player and began to thinkof himself as anyone or anything else, and stopped compartmentalizing hisidentity and his experiences?

His brain ishorribly roadblocked. “I don’t think about this stuff too much,” he tellsShitty.And, sure, that’s normal, especially among men raised in hyper-masculinecontexts. But it’s normal because those men exist in a social context wherethey should be afraid of what they might find out about themselves if theythought about it too much. He then makes a joke about how he’s a robot andmakes fun of Shitty’s arguably less fraught romantic life, as if Shitty havingfeelings for Lardo is some kind of weakness. He then picks up Shitty and throwshim in a pile of leaves, which is so painfully overt and demonstrative adisplay of masculine and dominant behavior that Bitty notices from inside andyells at him. I don’t think this is what Ngozi intended, but it’s a fair enoughinterpretation of what’s going on: Shitty made Jack feel a little too much, ora little too conscious of himself, and so he has to respond by emasculatingShitty. Shitty’s like, “Love has changed you,” but like, I dunno, has it, or,how has it?

Granted, alot of this is nebulous, because we don’t know and probably won’t find out muchabout what happened to Jack when he was in juniors, what happened to Jack whenhe was in rehab, or what Jack’s decision-making process was when he applied tocollege—by which I mean, it’s unclear if he just saw it as a means to an end.It’s also unclear how Jack handles his anxiety—is he in therapy, is he takingmeds? It’s unclear how he thinks of himself in terms of drug use—for the mostpart, ending up in rehab at 18 is incongruous with having a beer every now andthen, though it’s also worth asking how having a beer at key moments makes himlook to other people, or how it makes him feel about himself. We just don’tknow that much about Jack, for all the comic is largely about him. It can bedifficult to pinpoint exactly how much he knows about himself, and why he’smade the choices he’s made, because many of those decisions are opaque toreaders.

But, that’swhere fandom gets to work. So I come back to the trans Jack thing here. Jackhas spent most of his life, probably, being told (perhaps implicitly more thanexplicitly) that he needed to do certain things and seem a certain way in orderto be taken seriously, and not be suspected of any kind of femmey or queerinclinations. (He knows that being with Kent Parson could have “really messedwith” their hockey careers, for one thing.) Am I saying that butch people, like, don’treally exist, and it’s all a construct? I don’t want to stick my nose into anature/nurture thing, but it’s undeniable that the style you project is part ofa complex network of influences, some of which are prejudices. To write Jack astrans is to ask questions about how those prejudices have affected him, andwhat might happen if he discarded them.

In terms ofhow a story about trans Jack would look, I can tell you what I’m interested inexamining: biology is destiny, and Jack’s body is pretty materially mannish. Towhat extent would it be possible to conform to that, reject it, subvert it?Jack’s attraction to Bitty is probably fixed, but Bitty is gay, and being withJack is an aspect of his constructionof self. How does Bitty cope with having someone else’s decisions destabilizehow he thinks and what he thinks he knows about himself? Jack is a publicfigure with a lot of privilege, but nor does Jack seem like an ideal or enthusiasticspokesperson or model for trans (or gay, or mental health) visibility. We don’tknow if Jack has any awareness of queer discourse or narratives, or how Jack wouldeasily fit into those, or not. How long does Jack think about this—is itsomething that occurs to Jack slowly, over many years, unsure how to act on it?Or is it something Jack realizes, suddenly, and wants to act on immediately? Howdoes this change how Jack relates to Jack’s parents? To the idea of being a parent? Would Jack want to playin the NHL as a woman? How does retirement and a life after hockey fit intoJack’s process?

Ultimately Idon’t think this fandom does that great a job at interrogating characters, orthe general situations they’re in. I’m kind of shocked at how little discussionthere is of what being a not-straight-guy paying hockey means. There’s a lot oftalk about how toxic masculinity is bad and learning to love yourself is good,but I don’t think the fandom is honest about just how physically andpsychologically damaging a hyper-aggressive sport can be, and why thesecharacters put themselves in harm’s way to endure it. It’s not just makingfriends and the thrill of winning and being Canadian; there are socially coded valuesinvolved. Bitty wrestling with his fear of checking to become marginally betterat hockey (if not at NHL-level) is, through one lens, a story about personaltriumph over adversity. But through another lens it’s a story about someoneputting themselves through hell and exposing themselves to harm over and over again,voluntarily—and for what? For camaraderie, for some scholarship dollars, forJack’s ass, sure—but that’s not all Bitty’s getting out of this.

So too withJack, is the thing, but times a zillion. And I wish the fandom did a better orat least more open job of addressing this. Writing a story where Jack is atrans woman is one means of doing so, or asking, why is he so freaking extra? What’she getting out of this? What does all that extra jocular dudeishness and hockeyfervor compensate for?

What’s itdistracting him from?

And whatwould happen if you took that away?

#meta

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missppxtts-a · 7 years

Note

About you: 11, 12,13,23,33,34, 39,41,45 Masturbation: 1, 2, 3, 8, 9, 14, 23, 38, 39 Porn and Sex industry: 1, 5 - 25, 28 Sex: 5, 6, 14 - 18, 36, 38, 60, 61, 62, 72, 73, 82, 85, 94, 98, 101, 102 Toys: 1 - 7 Fetishes: 1 - 5 This or that: 1, 4, 11, 19, 22, 23, 26, 39, 43, 44, 55, 59, 60, 75, 81, 83, 93 (there you go. You asked for it and Tony wants to know all the stuff)

The Most Comprehensive NSFW Ask Around @snarkofstark ⚜(accepting)

❛ First of all, goddammit stop being so curious, Tony!! ❜

About You

Explain your ultimate fantasy.

It’s starts out soft and loving. Tender touches, soft kisses and sweet love-making. However, it doesn’t stay like this the whole time but it builds up to a rough. Changing positions, I’m bend over first, taken roughly with some spanking - just before it’s my turn to be in control. With me on top I start with some teasing just until my partner can’t bear it anymore. It’s a rather long session but definitely worth it.

What are your turn-ons?

Dominance, but not in abusive way but rather in a sexy and sensual way. Something less sexual: intelligence, assertiveness, a certain charm… I like to be impressed in a different manner.

What are your turn-offs?

(see more in the other categories…) Try to have control over me without my permission and I’m out. Disrespect, heavily kinky stuff…

What was your latest sex dream about?

That was a rather pleasant one. Tony and I were at the beach, of course we were alone, and decided to go for a swim. So, one thing led to another and we ended up having sex at the beach. Simple as that.

Are you open about your sex-life andsexuality?

I prefer to keep things to myself. Not everyone needs to know every detail about me. I value my privacy a lot.

Do you orgasm easily?

Usually, I don’t. However, if I have the right partner and it is under certain circumstances, it can be very easy.

Do you shave your pubic hair?

Notcompletely, just to bring some form into it and keeping it neat.

Do you prefer clean shaven or unkept?

I prefer something in between.

Whats your favorite lingerie outfit?

Ivery much prefer to keep it simple, preferably black. (take a look)

Masturbation

Do you masturbate?

Sometimes,yes. Doesn’t everyone?

How old were you when you firstmasturbated?

I think it was aroundthe age of 16 or something? I don’t really remember.

How often do you masturbate?

Notthat often. Basically because I’m in a stable relationship and don’t need to do it that often

Have you walked in on or caught someonemasturbating?

Yes…more than once. Back then I would have preferred not to see it!

Have someone ever walked in on or caughtyou masturbating?

No,no one ever did. That would have been so embarrassing!

Are you loud or quiet when you masturbate?

It dependson the situation, but usually I tryto keep it quiet.

Whats your most embarrassing masturbationstory?

And if I don’t have an embarrassing masturbation story of my own? The most embarrassing thing for me had been walking in on Tony masturbating - no one should see their boss like that.

Describe a typical masturbation session.

I create a nice atmosphere for myself, like I would with a partner. Starting of with some light touches, I start with my breasts, slowly making my way to the southern regions. I like to tease myself before getting to the actual act and in the end….

How often do you usually last?

… it last for aroundten to fifteen minutes I would say - depending on how much time I take.

Porn & Sex Industry

Do you watch porn?

Notexactly…I’ve never really been into it.

How do you feel about hentai (Anime Porn)?

Urgh,no. Why would someone watch anime porn?!

How do you feel about gang-bang porn?

Nope,that’s very much a turn-off.

How do you feel about cumshot porn?

It’sokay…

How do you feel about lesbian porn?

Oneof the few things that I’m fine with.

How do you feel about amateur porn?

It’sfunny to watch them try… and fail more often than not.

How do you feel aboutcuckold/cuckqueen/swinging porn?

Okayno, that’s a no-go.

How do you feel about threesome porn?

I’mnot much a fan of it… but it’s still better than most of the stuff above.

How do you feel about teen porn?

Justno. Definitely no.

How do you feel about Japanese/Asian porn?

Somehowthis always reminds me of Anime Porn…

How do you feel about mature porn?

I’mfine with that one.

How do you feel about ebony porn?

Goodfor them.

How do you feel about bondage porn?

Thiscan be really interesting.

How do you feel about masturbation/soloporn?

Idon’t know, actually I think it’s weird.

How do you feel aboutrough/violent/humiliating porn?

I’mreally not a fan of this one. I mean, I’m okay with rough sex but… no.

How do you feel about BBW porn?

Not really my thing but well.. others can enjoy it!

How do you feel about orgy/party porn?

No.You should get it by now.

How do you feel about trans/shemale porn?

Ifeel really uncomfortable with shemale porn. This is just a big trigger for me.

How do you feel about POV porn?

That’sreally okay with me.

How do you feel about blowjob porn?

I’mconflicted right here.

How do you feel about bukkake?

Goddammitno.

How do you feel about extreme porn?

…I said something like that before. What was it? Not much of a fan.

Has a partner ever used porn to show youwhat they like/want?

Once.Can’t say it was a pleasant experience.

Sex

How many sexual partners have you had?

I had four. This wasn’texactly my priority.

Who was your best sex partner?

That self-proclaimedplayboy slash idiot the whole world knows and the majority of women already slept with.

Do you like dirty talking?

If it’s done right,very much so.

Do you like being called names?

Depends on the names.

Do you like being called obscene names? (Bitch/Slut/Whore/Sissy/etc)

Not really… Badexperiences with that one.

Are you loud or quiet in bed?

I’m usually ratherloud. Then again it depends on my partner.

Whats your favorite position?

I’m a fan of theclassic one, but I also love to be on top. Actually, I’m open to try outdifferent things.

Are you on birth control?

Right now? Yep.

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Describe the experience(s).

Yeah…Honey, I’m still sorry about it. I didn’t want to hurt you… Also with my ex… it was better than telling him I didn’t like it.

Has someone ever “titty-fucked” your breasts?

Once. My ever soterrible ex begged until I agreed to it.

Do you prefer your partner to be vocal/moan loudly?

If it’s notexaggerated, let them be vocal.

Do you enjoy having your nipples played with?

Very much so.

Would you like to have a threesome?

Nope. Had one once andit was terrible.

Who would you like to have a threesome with?

You know this makes nosense now that I already said no to a threesome.

Do you like cum or is it gross?

Depends on where itgoes.

Have you ever had sex while on a period/with someone on a period?

Nope. And that willprobably never happen.

Is it gay for a man to enjoy anal stimulation from a woman?

Why should that be gay?I get that a man has his needs.

Do you prefer sex with a man or with a woman?

I prefer it with menbut it’s nice with women too.

Have you ever gotten cum in your eye?

Thank god, no!

Has anyone ever cum inside you on accident? How did you feel about that?

Yep… my first seriousboyfriend. It was so gross given the situation, and I was really uncomfortable…

Toys

Have you ever bought a sex toy?

I don’t have to.People buy them for me.

What is the last sex toy you bought?

Something Tony broughtor build by himself.

What sex toy do you currently want?

Ican’t really think of one now.

Would you let someone buy you a sex toy?

Ikeep saying no to it but my friends do it anyway to tease me…

How many toys do you own?

Tellme Tony, how many toys do I own by now?

What kind of toys do you own?

Vibrators/Dildos,and Tony please stop making me more…

What is your favorite toy?

CanI say the real thing is my favorite toy??

Fetishes

What fetishes do you have?

Dom/sub, but not in a really intense way. I’m not exactly experienced with this category…

What is your favorite fetish?

See my previous answer please.

Have you indulged in all your fetishes?

Yep.

What fetishes are you yet to experience?

All that I’d be willing to try?

Are there any fetishes you don’t have yet, but may beinterested in?

Honestly, I have no idea, I’d be open to try whatever my partner comes up with…. or at least most of it.

This or That

Vaginal or Anal

Vaginal

Handjob or Oral

Oral

Spit or Swallow

Spit

Facial or Creampie

Creampie

Circumcised orUncircumcised

Circumcised (not biased noooo)

Boxers or Briefs

Slighttendency towards boxers.

Vaginal or Clitoral Orgasm

Vaginal Orgasm

Real Cock or Sex Toy Cock

Realcock, always.

Dirty Talk or Loud Moaning

Dirty Talk

Faked Orgasm or Premature Ejaculation

Prematureejaculation

Length or Girth

A good mix of both?

Beard or Shaven

Beard.

Pubic Hair or None

Some pubichair

Hair Pulling or Spanking

Spanking

Giving Head or Receiving Head

Receiving head

Pussy and Anal Penetration or Ass and MouthPenetration

Pussyand anal

Veiny Dick or Curved Dick

Curved.

#snarkofstark #↳ inbox╏ answered #↳ headcanon #i hate you

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