#* but i'm trying to manage my anxiety and get done what i gotta get done | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovries · 1 year

Text

A LOVE EPIPHANY

featuring. the demon brothers (lucifer, mammon, leviathan, satan, asmodeus, beelzebub, belphegor).

summary. they're so confused— you're sudden avoiding them/acting super shy! well, they don't seem to realize it's because you figured out you've got a crush on them!

warning. gn! reader, not proofread, levi on the verge of an anxiety attack, physical affection (asmodeus).

꒰ ♡ ꒱ ─── LUCIFER

"Lucifer? You called for me?" You couldn't meet his gaze, stepping into his room apprehensively. Your stomach was already churning, your heart doing flips. It was plain and simple, you had a crush on Lucifer. Of course, after figuring this out, you couldn't help but grow shy around him, trying to avoid him when you can. And he noticed.

"I did, come in." Closing the door behind you, you make your way to the front of him, shifting your weight from foot to foot. "You're not in trouble, no need to be so nervous." He teased, however you only tensed further. He had no idea at all, it seemed, that you were nervous for a completely different reason.

"Uhm, what did you need then?" Lucifer sighs when you don't look at him. Seriously, what had gotten into you? Were you mad at him? Had he done something you didn't like? He just couldn't figure it out!

"Well, I suppose there's no need to beat around the bush," He says, clearing his throat, his fingers clasping together, "Have I done something to upset you, Y/n? I've noticed... well, your behavior has been quite strange as of late. if I can fix whatever it was, please let me know. Everyone would like your time here in the Devildom to be as comfortable as possible."

Internal screaming. You're internally screaming. He noticed that you've been acting shy as of late, and he thinks it's because you're mad at him!? You groan, hiding your burning face in your hands.

"Uhm, I- I'm not mad at you, so don't worry..." Lucifer furrows his brows. If you're not mad at him then why...

Oh.

Lucifer couldn't help the small smirk that tugged on the corner of his lips. "I see," He clears his throat, hoping to cover up the chuckle that wants to escape. "Very well, you may leave now." Before you fully leave though, Lucifer makes on last comment. "Ah, and Y/n... Please do wear formalwear this Saturday."

"W... What for?"

"I'll be making a reservation at Ristorante Six." He finished with a wink, grinning at the way you seemed to short-circuit.

꒰ ♡ ꒱ ─── MAMMON

You've been locking your door, going to bed early, taking a different route home, avoiding where he works. At first Mammon tried to brush it off as just a coincidence or that you were just in a crappy mood, but then he realized... He's the only one you're avoiding! And damn it, but you're so good at avoiding him, no matter how hard he tries to talk to you, you manage to slip away each time.

"Oi! Y/n!" Mammon grinned at finally catching you in the hallways of RAD. He was accompanied with Asmo, who couldn't help but watch in amusement as your eyes nearly popped out of your head before you took off. "Wha- Hey! Get back 'ere you- Ugh..." You were too far gone, and Mammon was too sad to chase you.

"My, my, dear older brother, it seems someone is shy around you," Asmo giggled, only for Mammon to sigh and slump forward.

"Yeah, I just don't know whyyy." He drags out the sentence with a whine, "I didn't even do anythin' this time- uh, I don't think so anyways?" He glances over at Asmo he's stifling a giggle. Seriously, Asmo knew his brother was dense, but this badly? Jeez, Asmo guesses he'll help him out just this once.

"Listen closely, okay?" Mammon nods, leaning in, a serious and concentrated look on his face. "Y/n," Mammon nods again, listening intently, "Likes you."

Mammon can only stare at Asmodeus as he tries to process this new information, before he's obnoxiously gasping and flailing around. "A- Are ya serious? Ya better not be lyin' to me, ya understand? I- I gotta go!" Mammon nearly trips over himself, taking off in the direction that you went. Asmo rolls his eyes, but he's happy for his brother.

Meanwhile, you think you've finally found a safe spot from Mammon. It's not that you want to avoid him, but you can't stand the sick feeling in your stomach when you get around him, or how your brain can't think straight, or how sweaty your hands get! You just want it to go back to how it was, when you were oblivious to your feelings.

You jump when the door slams open, and you look over to see a very out of breath Mammon. "I," he heaves, "I finally found ya." Seems like there is no where to run this time.

꒰ ♡ ꒱ ─── LEVIATHAN

Whilst you tried not to avoid Leviathan, mostly because you knew he'd have a panic attack and would begin degrading himself senseless, you knew your attitude around him shifted. Instead of being your usual self, you've grown incredibly shy and self conscious, and all because you had to realize your feelings.

Like now, it's incredibly awkward as you two sit in silence. You were doing well at hiding your shyness when Leviathan had to reach over you to grab a snack— suddenly you had cringed away from him. Levi faltered, and tried not to immediately blame himself. Maybe you were so immersed in the show? But it wasn't long until he was blaming himself.

"I- I'm sorry," Leviathan finally whimpers out, "I understand if you don't wanna be here with me anymore— it must suck being stuck with a y- yucky otaku like me, huh?" He's mumbling out other self-deprecating words, and you can't stand to hear them.

"Levi," you timidly call out, fiddling with your fingers, glancing over at him. When he doesn't respond, you call his name out a little louder. He doesn't respond again, instead he's stopping the movie and pacing the floor, lost in his thoughts.

"Y- You've actually been really weird lately too, like distant and quiet, i- is it because you're finally sick of me? I'm sorry, you d- deserve better, you don't have to pretend to be my friend anymore, I- I-"

"Leviathan!" You finally manage to gather the courage to yell his name, and he comes to a still, looking at you in shock. If he wasn't so surprised at you yelling at him, he's sure there'd be tears in his eyes. With shaky hands he wrings his own wrists.

"Y... Yeah?"

"Listen, I..." A lump forms in your throat, but you try to ignore it. "I don't hate you or anything, I want to keep being your friend, I promise." He seems to relax a little, although still anxious. "I didn't mean to flinch, you just... surprised me? I can't really tell you but... Just trust me, I- I don't hate you."

It's quiet for a few minutes, before he's sitting in his spot next to you again. "Okay... I don't know... I don't know what's going on with you but... I'll trust you." He gives you a soft, nervous smile, and if you had been weaker, you're sure you would've passed out at how cute he was.

꒰ ♡ ꒱ ─── SATAN

It was cute... At first. Satan wasn't entirely sure why you had grown shy around him, but he did enjoy teasing you and seeing you grow more flustered than usual. It was nice, until he realized you could barely form a sentence around him. He missed having intellectual conversations, deep conversations that could range into the early hours of the morning. Now he's more annoyed at your reservedness.

Satan watches as you fumble over your words, barely getting a sentence out. You startle when he clears his throat, glancing over at him. Despite figuring out you had a massive crush on Satan, you tried your hardest to still hold conversations with him... but it was just so hard! You kept getting distracted by his stupidly attractive face, or you'd slip into daydreams of more romantic interactions with him (which you'd then get embarrassed about because he's literally right there).

"I've been thinking," Satan begins, "You've been shy lately. Is it possibly because there's something you want to tell me?" He guesses he's right when he notices the way your shoulders tense. "You know, you can tell me whatever it is, I won't judge you." Of course you knew he wouldn't judge you, still... it was hard to confess you liked him— You barely even began to grasp it yourself!

"It's nothing, r- really..." You're playing with the hem of your shirt, your face growing warm. You imagine what it'd be like to confess to him right now, would he accept your feelings? If he did, he'd surely whisk you off your feet! Ah, just the thought if making your heart flutter! You giggle to yourself, lost in thought, when Satan clears his throat and you jump out of your daydream.

"I promise!" You say, almost a little too defensively. "It's... It's really nothing," The room only seems to get warmer as he leans in further, his face only a mere few inches from yours. He's inspecting you, trying to see if you're lying. And if he deems it so or not, he doesn't tell you. He pulls back and sighs.

"I'll trust you for now..." You let out a silent breath of relief. You'll have to either start hiding your crush better, or plan on confessing soon.

꒰ ♡ ꒱ ─── ASMODEUS

This was hard. Having a crush on Asmodeus is hard. Prior to you realizing your crush on him, you never minded his extra affection— the way he'd hug you when he saw you, or the way he'd casually hold your hand whilst walking, or the way he'd lean in real close and put an arm around your shoulder, or the way he'd pull you in to dance with him— all of his usual actions, they all began to fluster you more and more.

"A- Asmo!" You squeak as he wraps his arms around your waist and nuzzle into your back. He giggles, only tightening his hold around you.

"You're not getting away from me this time!" He coos teasingly. Asmodeus has most definitely taken notice to the way you've been pulling away from his touch, but that only made him double down on his actions. "You're starting to hurt my feelings, you know?" He pouts, loosening his grip so you can turn around. Staring down at his little pout only worsens the condition of your rapidly beating heart.

"Asmodeus," You sigh, putting your hands on his arms and gently prying him away. "It's just... This kind of affection... i- it's usually reserved for... lovers," you whisper the last part, ignoring your warm cheeks. "It's embarrassing."

This only furthers his pout, and he backs away from you with crossed arms. "Hmph, you didn't find it embarrassing before! What changed, hm?"

Geez, he really had no clue...

You thought his vanity would make him guess it in seconds, but it seems not. You look the other way, unable to meet his inquisitive eyes. "Let's just drop it..." You mumble. His gaze was so intense, you were beginning to feel almost naked under his eyes.

Asmo lets out a loud, obnoxious sigh, "Fine. But we will be circling back to it later!" He takes your hand and giggles at your shock. "Geez, you're acting like you have a crush on me or something," Your stomach drops, although it doesn't take you long to realize he was joking... "C'mon, I just got some new nail polish in the mail, I wanna test them out~"

꒰ ♡ ꒱ ─── BEELZEBUB

It honestly took Beelzebub a long time to figure out you were acting different. It wasn't until he saw the look on your face when he had offered you some of his snack that he realized something was off about you.

"Hmm... Have you noticing something different about them?" Beel asked, looking over at Belphegor (who had been napping peacefully until he was interrupted). Belphie groaned, forcing himself to sit up and look over at you. You were a bit further away, working on a project with Mammon.

"Uh... No? They seem like their usual annoying self. Why?" Belphie slumps against Beel, and Beel sighs in frustration as he shoves some chips in his mouth.

"It just seems like... they're avoiding me... maybe... or something, ugh, I don't know." Belphie frowned. Whatever it was, it was really irritating Beel, which mean it was now annoying Belphie.

"If it's bothering you that much, then just ask'em." Beel scratches his head, his frown only growing.

"That's the thing! Whenever I try to talk to them, they get all quiet and kinda jittery." It then dawns on Belphie what exactly is happening. Ah, you've finally realized your giant crush on Beel, have you? Belphie snickers, causing Beel to furrow his brows. What was he laughing at? "Do you know what's happening?"

"I have an idea." Belphie yawns, stretching out before slumping back down. "Let me know when ya figure it out, okay?" Beel wants to ask what he means, but Belphie is already fast asleep. Seems like Beel won't figure it out anytime soon.

꒰ ♡ ꒱ ─── BELPHEGOR

Belphegor is beyond annoyed— his favorite pillow is gone! Whatever's made you so shy and squirmy is really beginning to irk him. He's just trying to sleep but you keep wiggling about and kicking up a fuss. He groans, and a part of him wants to sink his nails into your thigh and keep you still... but he refrains.

"Why are you being more bothersome than usual?" Belphie finally grumbles out, rolling over to look up at you. "Well? Spit it out, so I can put a stop to it and you can go back to doing what you do best; being my pillow."

If only he knew that he was the problem. He'd probably tell you to stop being dumb and throw a pillow at your face. You sigh, anxiously playing with his hair. He purrs at the touch, his eyelids dropping, he almost fell asleep, almost- until you were squirming around again!

"Alright," He forces himself to sit up, glaring at you. "Tell me. Now." What a brat. You question why you like him, only to be reminded that you do, and grow shy.

"It's nothing..." You mumble under your breath, but clearly Belphie isn't going to be satisfied with just that.

"Nothing? Nothing is making me lose precious hours of sleep?" You open your mouth to speak, only to close it. He blinks once, then twice, before shaking his head. "You... You're... Look, I won't tease you, so just tell me."

You debate it, you really do, but you just can't seem to find the courage to actually get the words out. Wringing your wrists, you try to force the lump in your throat to go away. "I'll try to be still..."

Not the answer he wanted, but he can see how reluctant you are to share, and (begrudgingly) decides not to push it (because then you might leave him)!

"Fine, whatever..." He'll be bringing it up later though; He'll figure out the reason for your sudden shyness whether you like it or not!

﹙ thank you for reading! have a wonderful day! ﹚

4K notes · View notes

failing-to-write-again · 1 year

Text

Does anyone else have vastly different appearances in their head for you in the different routes? Like I day dream a lot, like a lot a lot it's why I post sometimes it's when the fear overrides the need to word vomit.

TW: mentions of abuse, depression and just general fucked up. It's the diaboys there's only so much you can avoid mentioning

Ok so I'm gonna write out a brief description of what always stays the same in these day dreams. I play around with them being human or something else, normal or like assassin's or stuff like that. But there's a few things that generally stay the same. They're all Afab, with she/her pronouns just because I create women a lot in my head but you could easily gender swap them as I'm focusing on personality and general vibe the appearance I describe I think is easily able to fit on different genders or have a same vibe equivalent.

Shu

I've always felt Shu would match well with someone who deals with depression or anxiety, more so less severe cases as two sleep all the time to avoid having to face life people do not make healthy relationships. But someone who has some degree of understanding while also having a better hold of themselves as humans are getting better at learning how to help manage depression. Shu is old and I'm pretty sure he's not bothered to learn much about the modern world aside from sleep/comfort, music (that's a stretch mp3s are not used as much as phones also that bitch would absolutely be a waterproof wireless earphone hoe), and probably porn.

I think a natural leader type person would also suit. I know in theory it sounds antithetical to the s/o with depression but hear me out. I deal with depression but also due to my own personality step into organized positions as I want things done to avoid stress. I really see an oldest sister would match him as it's someone modeling behaviors that to the best of my knowledge Shu was never against having. It was Reiji rejecting him and the triplets being kept away from him that prevented that dynamic setting itself up. I really think if an s/o could get Shu to work on himself he would be trying to be more brotherly. I think out of all the brothers Shu and Subaru are very likely to have a happier relationship with everyone. But they don't have the tools and are too stepped in their ways to navigate without help.

I think they would have to meet in school or something outside of being a sacrificial bride, maybe an actual exchange student with strict instructions of no harm coming to them. Diaboys set up a pretty unhealthy dynamic and since they go cruelty first, then fuck up so bad then realize they're in love that the types that would benefit them "best" would be gone or killed already.

Someone with a good sense or sarcasm would be great for Shu too. Couples who laugh together stay together. Plus a match for teasing would probably be something that leaves a grin on his face all day long.

Shu: "You should really wear a longer skirt in school, or do you want me to look up your skirt as you walk past. Heh, lewd woman"

S/o: [as they walk past] "Why risk breaking uniform code when I can just wear nice underwear under it instead, then I get two benefits"

S/o: [stopping just before turning down a corridor] "There's no rant from Reiji for breaking code and you end up showing off how desperate you are. Lewd man~"

Shu: [in love]

I don't think any super genius level of intelligence is needed but someone with a rounded view on things and a someone who is at least vaguely informed about what they talk about would be good. It avoids the annoyance of someone dense but also isn't so book focused it reminds him of Reiji.

Reiji

Speaking of the spectacled suitor. S/o has gotta be smart in some capacity not necessarily an encyclopedia but maybe good at Chemistry/Biology, or a good strategist. Bitch aims to be a control freak and a future king or, route depending, advisor to the King, so battle tactics would be attractive.

He'd be into the type of woman who doesn't overtly dress sexually. Pencil skirt or pants and blouse with some heels are a great look and can be sexual when you want to be sexual but also just well put together when you aren't looking to get railed on a desk. Except, of course, for when he decides to get handsy he realizes you decided to forgo any underwear.

Nipple piercings. He's definitely into them you can't fool me it's all that hidden succubus energy he finds attractive in a partner.

Past that he wants someone who isn't going to stress him out, someone to be a voice of reason, and someone to relax with.

I think someone chatty could be either great or awful for him. On the one hand he seems so adjusted to over stimulation true silence may unsettle him but at the same time it may annoy him if he isn't interested in conversation. Same for the other side of the coin, someone too quiet would unsettle him cause he won't know what your thinking, but at the same time it might be nice to sit in silence and read.

I've always thought Reiji would want someone tall like 5'10-6'00 as they can't be taller then him because inferiority complex, but I firmly believe he's got a back that is prone to aches already so not having to bend far for kisses or hugs would be nice. Or better yet someone shorter than him but still tall for a woman, so wearing heels gets here to be like 5'11" to 6ft.

Reiji does like humor and spontaneity sometimes. I think a stiff lover would drain him, nobody wants to actually date themselves. Again the older sister type (stereotype I know) would suit, as generally older sisters are pushed to mature fast like he was, except generally it's not as severe as him and older sisters are statistically the most likely to have read about or been to therapy to undo some of the behaviors that aren't as healthy.

[Loud music or something playing]

Reiji: [going to stand up] I swear can nobody keep order in this house...

S/o: [Gently touches his hand] They've yet to make a crash and it's coming from Ayato's room. I say we turn on the record player to drown it out for now. It's not your job to be their dad Sweetness, and all your doing is giving yourself grey hairs

Reiji: [sitting back down] I suppose I could finish this chapter-

[CRASH]

S/o: [quickly stands up and starts to walk to the door, lots of heel clicking] I swear that boy has to ruin every quiet moment I can grasp for us. Wait there.

Reiji: [feels very loved for and is confused as to why that gave him a boner]

I don't think he'd enjoy a dom much but a switch who prefers to sub but isn't against them taking a more gentle lead (not the kinky shit he's into I don't think you'd actually get a whip near him in a healthy relationship).

Ayato

This bitch is tricky. Like I think with the except of Subaru the Sakamakis get worse the younger they are. I feel that's why the triplets never appealed to me they seemed harder to redeem. I could see Shu, Reiji, or Subaru potentially getting better with Reiji least likely but the triplets are... messy.

That being said I think Ayato is definitely going to have to be a least a little bit on the road to being more balanced by the time he meets this s/o.

An s/o who is modern would definitely appeal in my opinion. Video games, outfits, music all that good culture stuff that Ayato is a spectator not a player in right now. He is still old as shit and he hasn't got non...any friends so he doesn't have a lens to learn the culture, all he can do is watch.

Ayato is one of the highest sex driven characters in the games (he sleeps with Yui the most because it uses the underwear sprite almost every time they sleep together indicating it ain't just dreaming happening) I think that may be part possessive part teenage boy. So someone with an interest in partaking is probably important for drive balance. To be clear I don't necessarily mean sexy here, more so that giddy first time giggles type person. Someone who's excited to experience things with him.

That extends past the bedroom too Ayato was starved for activity as a child and is still as a teen so someone who knows what's fun and is happy to take him there is like perfect.

I do think Ayato's s/o will need to be a patient person as I feel Ayato going through therapy would mean a lot of breakdowns or tension in him that could lead to more arguments than potentially needed if they ain't a little patient for the smaller things. There is a difference between 'he demanded I make him Takoyaki then sulked when I reminded him we're equals in this partnership so I'll avoid escalating ' vs 'he has bitten me for talking to a guy, but to him that's just a display of love.' The second thing deserved a conversation then and there you don't avoid rocking the boat when it comes to dangerous behaviors folks.

[See Ayato with a hairbrush sitting cross legged with S/O in his lap] Ayato: So we don't like Jacob...

S/O: Well, Edward isn't exactly a catch himself but like c'mon he imprinted on a baby. Ayato: Beatrix and him were engaged from birth. S/O: Exactly.

Laito

Oh boy. Again needs to be starting therapy or unraveling what his mum did to him and what his culture has shaped him to be first.

Once done however I think Laito would want someone "normal." No baggage, or crazy lifestyle, or wacky habits. I think he craves something calm when everything has been so disordered growing up. I think it's why he likes crosswords, they're a weirdly normal thing in his weird world.

I think he needs someone with a lower sex drive then he displays in the games. A not uncommon trauma response from childhood sexual assault is hyper sexuality which seems to be why Laito is hyper sexual. I don't think that's him as a person, Shu would be high sex drive in how he talks but Laito seems very much to be shielding himself with sex not having sex for sex.

So yeah someone who isn't always in the mood, maybe they sleep naked but just because they want skin on skin contact. Maybe it's to feel his breathing better. But that sort of environment. Where the thing he's over sexualized: himself and women, become less sexual more intimate. He'll be thrown a bit at first 100%. But I think after cuddling while having his hair gentle played with or a shoulder rub he'll be welcoming this new part bodily expression.

Laito is smart, smarter than he gets credit for he's a manipulator with charisma to boot and I've tried a crossword they use a certain part of your brain that I do not use. I think he'd like someone who's not too dense but also I feel like he won't mind too much so long as they could hold conversation and read sarcasm.

He also would probably love a more modern s/o like Ayato. Imagine the shopping sprees!

S/O: [coming out of changing room] I'm really not sure about this dress on me Laito: It's the shade it clashes with your undertones, try it in a different colour. S/O: They don't have it in my size, that sucks. Laito: Why? fufu~ It's Chanel, she was a vampire just take a picture and I'll get the designer over to make you one tailored made. S/O: Are you sure? I don't know how close I want you being stuck to your dad, and all the weirdness you've mentioned. Laito: Oh please, as if he's bothered enough about the fourth in line.

Kanato

This one's hard man. Kanato, Ruki, Kou, and Azusa are some of the hardest to envision in a healthy spot tbh. So this Kanato is very ooc. Think: isn't talking to teddy even if he still carries it, has a better hold on his temper, isn't trying to kill you constantly... basically just not Kanato.

A baker or a cook would absolutely appeal, dates where they show him how to cook new treats could be fun. Also top tier tea parties man.

Potentially a singer, musician, or dancer could appeal as well with the shared interest of singing being there. If the jealousy Kanato has gets weakened a bit I think that could help him get past his "I sing cuze mum liked it" thing.

I also truly think Kanato is like Laito in wanting something normal after all the abnormal he's lived through.

sorry he's so short I seriously don't know what to write. I also do not want to curse you all with mega ooc Kanato discussion

Subaru

Subaru is by far the closest to being the same amount of traumatized some people I've met irl are. Issues still there with the whole punching walls in anger but the fact he seems to punch walls to avoid hurting people implies he is trying to work on himself but doesn't know how.

Subaru could meet his s/o as a sacrificial bride and I think he's the only one who could. If I remember his route correctly, he isn't nearly as sadistic in the reasoning for his biting, hes also like what 15, 16 looking? He is modelling the only behavior he's seen, and while that doesn't make it right it is less heinous than the others.

I feel the most profound importance for this relationship is someone who will not shout, someone with a healthy enough up bringing to view arguments as Subaru approaches them as entirely useless. He will probably still have tantrums at first but having someone entirely unwilling to let communication break down on their end will push Subaru to do the same.

Subaru also does not seem to actually want much at all. He just wants a break, poor thing. If the S/O were to be a sacrificial bride, I think he'd be the one to pull a run away. I don't see Karl caring much here, Subaru is just a consequence of his vile habits as far as Karl is concerned.

From there I do think it's just a normal therapist and probably turning the S/O to a vampire.

[S/O and Subaru in some nice meadow resting on a blanket by a stream. Think flowers everywhere under a gently warm sun.] S/O: I've successfully lasted a week without accidentally breaking anything! Subaru: HAHA! Well done but don't go expecting any prizes I could do that shit. S/O: Fair, your 3 year pin is coming up to. We should probably do something for it. Subaru: Well... there is one thing... [getting up to one knee]

Ruki

oh look what we have here. An endgelord.

Seriously Ruki infuriates me from a character point at times. They are meant to be somewhat foils to the Sakamakis, and for Ruki in particular his behavior is a mirror to Reiji and his ego is closer to Ayato but with Reiji type mannerisms.

So he likes reading, came from nobility but saw the absolute worse of humanity to then re-find a reason to care for others with his brothers. Ok cool, then he dies in an attempt to escape to then have Karl take pity on him and revive him as his subordinate. SO WHY DOES HE HATE POOR PEOPLE!?

Like whenever I sit down to think about it Ruki's sheer cruelty lines up with nothing other than abused children turn into abusers which is a dog-shit and wrong opinion. Like he doesn't have to be pally, he can be a kuudere, he can be jaded. But having him be so sadistic just makes him what he hated, a spoiled rich man taking joy in using his power over others.

But this is about suited partners. So for this fucker I prescribe what he wishes he was. Now this is the material worth much more work and maybe it will get that, I am currently uncertain.

So, let's be real that orphanage still existed after the Mukamis. So my little world I've made with all that maladaptive day dreaming I do. In that world just to show Ruki as not as above everyone as he thinks, his soulmate type S/O as well as some if not all the other S/Os were there either at the same time or sequentially. Ruki got his escape plan from the work of a girl he viewed as too stupid to pull it off, aka S/O. When the boys escape obviously torture happens to see if anyone knows anything, and the boys failed the escape. This is used by the S/O to advise her sisters to change course slightly.

They do escape and Karl realizes very quickly he got the less advantageous group in terms of strategy. He would more than likely approach these girls, maybe they stay human for quite a while but eventually do need to be turned for the pure sake of time.

So Ruki gets introduce when he comes to visit Karl to update on the whole Eve thing only to see S/O. Standing there talking with Karl as if you're equals as he's laughing at some comment. Karl introducing them as his right hand man so to speak. Seeing that you get to live with Karl and you glaring.

After some prodding due to jealousy causing him to take out his insecurities on you in the form of unwanted commentary, you snap. You openly call him out on his failings, how you are what he wishes he was and how you don't masquerade as the same tormentors that made both your childhoods hell.

Eventually (I'm not giving a whole slow burn fic away for free people), he gets whipped something bad. Having to face the fact that he is exactly what he judges in humans so much. I don't imagine many would forgive him, hence why S/O to me cannot be anyone other than such a strong person to have survived and still be so openly kind.

No dialogue here so I can pretend these all got fair treatment.

Yuma

So big boy farmer. His sadism doesn't fully track with me same as Ruki but Yuma has more redeeming character traits that offset the cruelty. He also seems to truly only carry out the Eden project due to loyalty to Karl, he is a fiercely loyal person.

As said for Ruki I love the idea of the Mukami S/Os being sisters from the orphanage. Yumas S/O would probably also have a strong sense of loyalty to Ruki's S/O. The main exception being her loyalty to Karl does not cause her to be in any way sadistic. While Karl is fully ready to drop kick a child the S/O does not see that behavior appropriate at all regardless of her vampire-ism.

Having to deal with pining for a girl who will not date him as he currently treats women may cause him to change for the sake of placating her sure. But once identities are revealed and Yuma learns that the reason the S/O is so anti-cruelty is due to the orphanage I think Yuma would be one of the ones more open to change. Like Ruki, the reflection isn't so nice once the glass was polished.

He just wants a farm and probably kids or dogs lets be real here.

Kou

Once again an edgelord. Who doesn't at all understand give and take as much as he harps on about it. I may have low enough standards to crush on these boys but a hypocrite is TOO LOW.

I'm sounding like a broken record here but a fellow orphan escapee S/O as the vector for Kou getting called out on his bs is great.

Also full on enemies to lovers vibes. One little head canon is what if the S/O at the request of Karl gave up an eye, the eye then enchanted for Kou. Having to stand across from someone who will not buy the excuse of his trauma being an acceptable reason to harm others. Because you lived through it all, if not worse and still gave up an eye free of charge because Karl had this protegee who was so sad about not having two eyes.

I think Kou's love would not start until near a century after. Having to see you again and again after the introduction, seeing how you and your sister's are Karl's jewels as you are so effective because of your humanity. He's prone to envy let's be frank.

But once he opens up to the fact he could change and be like you, maybe after having to work with you, he begins to warm up to it all.

Azusa

Azusa is one like Kanato that I am unsure if I know how to treat.

The love of pain of his would put so much emotional labor on an S/O that just isn't fair. The only relationship I would feel comfortable writing on would be a post therapy and self work Azusa who doesn't make masochism his main personality trait.

He is gentle in disposition so a gentle S/O would match well. Or maybe an extroverted S/O to bring him out his shell a bit, post masochism recovery.

Yeah if any Azusa fans read this and have ideas please write you own and sent it to me I am really curious of seeing this from the perspective on someone who has a connection to him.

217 notes · View notes

machathecat · 5 months

Text

home is wherever I'm with you (part 2)

part 1

--------------------

Flor woke up- in Jeremy's arms- his head in they're chest fluff-

it took him a few seconds to even 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 what was happening, then he backed away from them and turned back to the other side of the bed so quickly flor almost fell off of it.He acted like he was still asleep, which was kinda hard when he was shaking like hell and flora heart was beating so fast you could almost hear it outside of his body as he was trying to understand what the 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭 just happened. He heard Jeremy waking up and completely froze.

"did you slept well ?" they yawned.Mr flower didn't really knew how to react for a second or two, still panicking over how he just woke up, but he managed to stutter a "yeah" which was probably the best flor could do woth the level of anxiety he had at the moment.

"no but because with how much sore my arm is i have the feeling 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 may have used it as pillow last night.." They added with a sarcastic tone. Mr flower got up from the bad probably as fast he physically could and shouted:

"im making breakfast" and almost ran up to flor cupboard to grab two mugs and rushed to the fridge to get milk, poured it down and practically trew the cups one by one into the microwave, overthinking this whole situation again while they were heating up and trying to hide the fact he was blushing like crazy.He was putting chocolate powder in their drinks flor heard Jeremy sitting down at the table in his dining room, it didn't took long for him to finish preparing the choccy milks and to go sit with them.

They both sat at the table and drank their hot chocolates in silence for a few awkward minutes before Jeremy said something.

"so about last night -"

"we are not going to talk about that." Mr flower shouted back taking a sip from flor drink as an attempt to dodge anymore questions.

"you know you're really bad at hiding the fact you have a crush? you're blushing so much you look like a hyacinth macaw." They said back giggling as mr flower choked on his chocolate.

"I-W-WHAT I DON'T - I don't have a crush on you!! what even is a hyacinth macaw?!"

"It's just a very blue macaw specie. I like birds. and don't try to change the subject"

"I was just clinging you because you stole the blanket and i had no other way to keep warm!"

"Of course" Jeremy replied rolling they're eyes as they finished they're drink.

"I gotta leave now, it's gonna take a long time to rebuild my whole roof, and also cleaning out all the mess..."

As they started heading out to the door, mr flower quickly got up and grabbed their arm without even thinking about it, like a reflex. Jeremy stopped and turned back, confused. When he realized what flor has done Mr flower released they're arm as quickly he had gripped it and then went about 10 seconds which felt like hours of awkward staring between them, no one knew what to say.

"..uh... do..do you want to help me..?" Jeremy asked.Flor noded and ran to the bedroom and quickly changed to warm clothes, relieved to being able to get out of the uncomfortable situation.

𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘰𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵

..He was starting to overthink once again as he walked up to Jeremy and they both got out of the house in direction of the forest, and as the morning breeze blown through Jeremy's fur, Flor started to have thoughts he shouldn't have again.

--------------------

Once again please reblog I worked really hard on that TwT /nf!

#twomp #the world of mr plant #twomrp #world of mr plant #Mr flower twomp #Jeremy twomp #Mr flower blush is blue lmao

25 notes · View notes

my-soupy-brain · 7 months

Note

i love your ted x reader fics so much!! would love to see you write one where the reader has been doing therapy for years and encourages ted to do the same but this is like early s2 when he doesn’t trust therapy. so he says no and it gets angsty because reader feels like if ted doesn’t respect her doing therapy then they can’t be happy together. but then he apologizes to her after a few sessions with dr sharon 🥺

Oh I love this. I really do. I love a little angst and I definitely love a making-up story. Also: Therapy is great, and everyone should be assigned a therapist at birth, lol. Let's gooo!

---

Relationship: Ted Lasso x reader

Warnings: Therapy, mental illness, angst

---

When you started dating Ted, you were already well-versed in therapy. For the last three years, you'd been seeing a therapist to manage your anxiety and depression.

You noticed little things about Ted that...well, worried you. Worried you because you cared. Worried you because with the right help, he might get better.

His happy-go-lucky attitude cracked at the seams some days. You could see the anxiety set into his eyes after he got off the phone with Henry.

Some days, when he slept over, he had a hard time getting out of bed. He chalked it up to the gray skies making him blue, but you knew it was deeper.

You walked up to Ted's door after your most recent session, smiling, a notebook full of things to think about and work on over the next week.

"Hey sweetpea," Ted said, a solemn look on his face as he opened the door.

"Hey, honey, are you OK?" you asked pensively. Ted nodded and gave a half smile.

"I'm fine, honeybunch."

Inside, you noticed his apartment was in disarray. Dishes aren't done. There are clothes laundered but not put away. The bed is a mess. The living room is scattered with papers and blankets.

As Ted makes his way back to the couch, you take in his appearance. His hair is flopped over his forehead, he's wearing a wrinkled t-shirt and equally wrinkled joggers.

"Babe?" you ask gently. He looks at you and smiles.

"What's going on?"

He just shook his head at you. "Nothin'. Just not feelin' myself. I'll be OK."

Ted always said this because he only knew how to say this.

You make your way around the apartment, doing some dishes by hand, folding up blankets.

"You don't gotta do all that," Ted said from the couch.

"It's OK. I don't mind. I know you're struggling, I'm happy to help."

"I'm not struggling!" Ted shouted. His voice raised, bellowing in your ears. You turned around briskly, your eyes wide.

"I know you're into all this therapy mumbo jumbo, but you don't gotta push that crap on me," he adds, his eyes narrowed in anger.

"Ted..."

Your breath hitches at his attitude. He's never talked like this to you. He has every right to express himself, but this... isn't deserved.

"And don't try to talk me into it. You're always trying to tell me what to do, that I should get help," he says, crossing his arms. "I got help in Kansas and a lotta good that did. My wife left me!"

You move to sit on the couch, tears in your eyes.

"Ted... I don't mean to upset you by asking you to get help. But..."

He turns his head quickly.

"But what? You wanna lecture me about it again?"

Your eyes burst into tears. There's not getting through to him. He's angry, you're making it worse. As you stand to leave, you sniffle.

That softens him immediately. He looks at your face again -- finally -- and sees the tears. The tears he caused.

"Listen, I'm...sorry..."

You put your hand up.

"No, Ted. Y'know, therapy has saved my life. From some real dark thoughts and dark times. I don't appreciate you minimalizing it because you had a bad experience..."

You feel bolder, though what you're about to say breaks your heart.

"I don't think we should be together."

His eyes change from neutrality to shock.

"At least until you get help. And if you do, call me. But I can't stand to watch you go through this and not admit you need help."

With that, you close the door behind you and make your way to your flat.

...

Ted's stunned. On his couch, looking at the places where you've tidied. He sees you left your scarf behind and he rolls it between his fingers.

"Goddamn dummy," he mumbles to himself. "Lost the best thing you've ever had."

He goes to the kitchen, grabs a tumbler, and pours some whiskey, but stops himself.

What is he doing?

What is the goal here?

Is he just going to wallow about his divorce for the rest of his life? Live with these panic attacks? Put on a happy face and suffer underneath?

He pulls out his phone and finds Doc Sharon's number.

Though she's new to the club, she's already made a noticeable difference to the people who've seen her. He tried one day but ran out before he uttered a word.

What was he so afraid of?

Failing again. He's afraid of failing again.

Even with Michelle, he did everything the marriage counselor suggested, and she still left.

He remembers what Beard said the other night at the pub. "All people are different people."

Y/N wasn't Michelle.

Doc Sharon wasn't the counselor from Kansas.

He hits the call button.

...

After his first session, Ted felt...lighter. But lonely. Losing y/n when they were just getting started, when they were expanding their friendship into a blossoming romance...

He vowed to get you back.

In his second session with Doc Sharon, Ted realized that his fear of abandonment traces back to childhood. And rather than let people abandon him, he just never lets them in.

Bingo.

"It sounds like Y/N is understanding," Doc Sharon had said. "It sounds like they're looking out for you. And you're pushing that away. Why?"

Ted wasn't sure. "I just didn't trust that this was the thing for me, I guess," he says, his eyes casting down on the brown office carpet. "I'd rather not untangle my noodle and see all the ugly stuff in there."

Doc Sharon slipped in a small smile.

"Ted, the way I see it: We can't clean it up if we don't look inside."

Ted nods and agrees.

...

You've been waiting for him to call. Waiting.

He texted you a couple times, offering his apology. You know he was sincere. Your heart ached, and so did his. But you asked him to give you space.

And then he sent you a text you hoped to see, but didn't expect.

Ted: I started goin' to therapy with Doc Sharon. I can see why you do this.

You smile. Finally. Finally, Ted is putting himself first.

You: I'm so glad to hear that, Ted. I'm glad it's helping.

Ted: I'm realizing why I pushed you away, and it wasn't fair. And my heart hurts without you, darlin'. I really can't stand this.

You: I miss you, too. I just want you to be well, Ted. I want you to work on yourself and stop ignoring your needs.

Ted: I know. I know that now. And it's thanks to you.

You let a few minutes go by and your phone vibrates. Ted's on the line.

"Hey there, sugar. I know things have been tough, and this is awkward as heck, but... do you wanna come over? Watch a movie?"

You smile hard, tears springing to your eyes. Oh, how you've missed him.

"I'd love to, Ted. Are you sure though? I don't want to get in your way."

On the other line, Ted furrows his brow. The fact you worried you were in the way at all is just more of a sign of how he needs to balance his feelings. Blowing up at you? He never wants to do that again.

"You won't be. If anything, my life is empty without you. It's got a Y/N -sized hole in it. So does my couch."

You chuckle.

"I'll be right over."

...

Once you're at Ted's door, you take a deep breath and knock. He answers it with a smile. A genuine one. His hair is more styled, but he's still comfortable in a polo and jeans.

"Hey there, sweetheart," he says softly. "C'mon in. I've got dinner waitin' and a movie fired up."

You enter his apartment and it's tidy.

Everything is in its place. A candle emits a soft glow and scent in the room. Dinner is set on the table and you see a bouquet of flowers.

"You didn't have to do all this, Ted," you say, your eyes full of love.

He walks toward you and ropes his arms around you, smiling.

"Sure I did, darlin'," he whispers. "And it wasn't much. This is the bare minimum you deserve."

Your gaze into each other's eyes for a moment, and you lean into his lips and he meets you. It's soft and lovely, passionate but slow. He holds you tighter to his body, and your hands run down his chest.

"Golly, I sure missed that," he says softly with a smile, his forehead against yours.

"Me, too, babe..."

"I'm gonna keep goin' to Doc Sharon. I can feel it helping," he says, closing his eyes for a second. "I'm learnin' a lot about myself."

"I'm so proud of you, Ted."

He nods. "I'll share some of this with you someday, when I'm ready."

You nod in response. "Only when you're ready. I'll never force you to tell me anything you don't want to."

Ted smiles. "I knew I found you for a reason."

He cups your face in his big hand and kisses you again. Your body warming to his, molding to his.

"Are. we gonna make it to dinner, baby?" you ask with a sultry chuckle.

"At this rate, we ain't even gonna make it to the living room," he answers, kissing you, turning you around, and walking you backward through the doorway.

---

Thank you so much for this prompt. I hope I did it justice! I wish we'd gotten more Ted Lasso if only to see more of his journey. His mental health experience is so similar to so many others. Thanks for this prompt, friend!

#ted lasso x reader #ted lasso fanfiction #ted lasso fanfic #ted lasso x you #ted lasso x therapy #ted lasso angst #ted lasso comfort

52 notes · View notes

fernsandsunflowers · 9 months

Text

Naming your Neurodiversity

I don't know if this will help anyone, but I want to tell you about Agatha.

A friend told me about their new trick to managing their depression that's been helping them a lot. They named their depression. I immediately loved the idea, and I had barely formed the thought "what would I name my ADHD" that the name Agatha fell in perfect place in my mind and there she was. Wild, feral and romantic.

I know techniques aren't universal but I never anticipated then how much naming her would help me, so I wanted to share it here in case it would help someone else.

Getting know Agatha, who she is, what she likes, what motivates her, has helped me be so much kinder to myself and just love myself. I used to curse and yell and scream at myself for my inability to function, but how can I treat Agatha that way? She wants to be wild and free, and run around and paint and make random things and rearrange the kitchen cupboard and eat funny tasting food. She loves stories and philosophizing and she wants to find out how things work and how words became words and what that specific plant she saw a week ago is called ("just describe what it looks like on google and if you don't do it right now I will absolutely die" - she's dramatic like that). She wants to go days researching a random thought she had while I was trying write my paper because "wouldn't that be so cool? and it's totally relevant to this paper, I'm sure of it". She wants to storm and rage at the world and revels in plotting petty revenges just for the fun of it. and she's constantly singing though she always forgets the words.

How can I be cruel to her? She's amazing and honestly such a great fucking time. So we hangout a lot now. We paint and philosophize and we start writing stories never to be completed, and order desserts and buy random shit online together. Everyday in my mind, I'm figuring out her personality -- I was talking to another friend a few days ago and we were talking about anxiety and depression and figuring out if these states are the symptoms of adhd or separate to it, at any given moment. And I realized my anxiety was not related to Agatha... anxious is not her.

I'm just doing so much better. I'm not tired and angry and sad all the time. When I spend a whole day getting nothing that needed to get done done, I'm not screaming at myself I just say, 'it's ok, Agatha, we'll try again tomorrow." When I'm completely paralyzed and I want to punch a wall again and again and again, I see Agatha in my mind curled up and crying because she's just having a bad day and she's overwhelmed and her whole body feels like it's being pulled by a hundred horses in hundred different directions - so I just sit down next to her and keep her company until it passes. In the long run, I don't really know if this will help me be more productive or be more functional. I'm working on how we can find a good balance. Agatha just has a different idea of productive and functional, I guess, and that's OK - maybe in the future we can come to a compromise, or maybe we can finally and finally find something where compromise isn't necessary at all. Especially now that I know her, maybe together we can figure out what that latter something is.

All I know is or what I've come to realize through all this is that I don't actually want to tie her up and lock her away - I don't want to compromise her. The world isn't her fault. We just gotta find a way to be that let's her be free.

This is all probably related to the defusion technique I was told about years ago in therapy, and 'would you say those things to a friend' and inner child healing and all the stuff that Inside Out was based on - I don't really know and I don't necessarily want to know the science behind the Magic. I want to let Agatha become whoever she wants to without adding technique to it you know? Which is honestly very in-character for her. Agatha, hates being told what to do and how to do things.

As always didn't intend for this to be this long, but no longer apologizing! I wish for you all to find your Agatha, and when you do, if you want to, tell me about them.

#adhd #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #mental health #self care

5 notes · View notes

teamconductors · 2 years

Note

im actually super excited for an emmet """"redemption"""" arc if thats where we are going. emmet understands how selfish he was and works to be better than that, promising himself that he will not only apologize to elesa, but recognize everything shes done for him while he was grieving/kinda losing it (because seriously, anyone that sticks with their friend like she did for him through that deserves an award and 10 years of therapy) when he gets back, and that hell try to do better than let his pain consume him like it did- even if ingo DOESNT end up coming back with him!! because even though grief is a horrible, painful thing, life has to go on, and i think if theres anything all these pmd adventures did, it was allow emmet to get back into experiencing that part of living where hes dedicated to helping the people around him, something im sure was difficult to pursue while he was on his downwards spiral (which wasnt helped by almosy nobody listening to him tbh). maybe emmet REALLY has to experience a path of solitude where he does some rescues on his own, so the two of them can both work on being apart while remaining functional, because that separation anxiety is very real and very bad for the both of them! im focusing on emmet with this because he never really healed(i guess you could say ingo never did either, since amnesia and the pearl clan kinda gave him the chance to be an individual all on his own. even if he felt lonely the entire time, he still managed better than emmet. not that doing that was very difficult.), and essentially got what he wanted (in a horrible, twisted way which hurt both of them) by letting his mental state go downhill, and he STILL hasnt gotten past his severe attachment issues and trauma(considering what he went through it is pretty difficult to blame him). so......id really love to see where you go with all that!! heres to hoping emmet and ingo come out of this as a stronger individuals.

anyway, meanwhile ingo gotta work on letting go of his need to always put others in front of himself (or himself in front of others, if we are being literal) to a self destructive level and recognizes he doesnt always have to be the one providing a service for others!! let everyone have ingos back always. big brother instinct be damned.

That is a lot of thoughts, my dude! Given the trajectory of the fic rn, I'm not sure if I'd be able to explicitly cover everything suggested here... I hope that isn't too disappointing and that you continue to enjoy the story anyway!

#pokelec speaks

21 notes · View notes

klysanderelias · 2 years

Text

managed to snag my buddy to chat for a while and it really helped - a) because I was able to talk out some of the things that have been bothering me, and it really is sometimes just about presenting what I already know to someone else and going 'huh, yeah, I guess I've thought this through as well as I can right now, and I just need to calm down'

and b) because sometimes I just need to get distracted? Like, right now I'm kind of an anxious mess because everything is just "i gotta make it through 'til [x]". The union votes on the proposed contract this weekend. I can't make any plans about getting dental work done until after I know if we're potentially going to go back on strike. My parents come through town on saturday. The training class I have to go to is on the 24th. I'll hear back about the emergency response class by the end of this month, which will affect my schedule in a way I can't plan for yet. My brother's fiance wants me to come visit them in September (I'm not gonna). If the proposed contract goes through, it'll take full effect in October. My next actual vacation period will be in december, which I can't plan anything for until after Labor Day because I won't know my schedule.

There's a lot of frustration just bound up in knowing that right now there's nothing I can do - sometimes time has to pass. And the painful thing is that since there's nothing I can do, it feels like there's nothing TO do, which means that waiting for time to pass is like pulling teeth.

The problem is just like, right now it feels like my life is 'go to work, come home, sit in my bedroom, go back to work' and that's a recipe to make me a neurotic wreck because not only am I feeling trapped in a place I don't want to be, but I feel like every day is the same, which enhances the anxiety of 'when will [x] happen' because it feels like I'm not getting any closer.

And there are things I'm trying to work on that will help me feel like I'm progressing, like I'm achieving things, but they're more difficult sometimes because I need to be present and thinking, which can often be a mess when I'm being neurotic.

anyway all of this is to say that I feel better after talking out a lot of things, most of which are like, star wars. there really is something cathartic about just getting playfully mad about dumb shit, highly recommend.

#long post #vent post #why is it always thinking .jpg #but really another thing on that list needs to be 'get back in to see a psych and get on anxiety meds'#because oof #i've been a nervous wreck for months now #losing him was a massive blow to my mental health #and i knew it was gonna be #but y'know. what was I gonna do about it.

1 note · View note

saddenedspidersilk · 6 months

Text

Done something I've never done before:

Cut myself in the bathroom at work while choking back sobs.

I left work in mid Sept for short term disability as my anxiety was no longer in control. Time goes on, we change up my meds. I'm also Bipolar type 2. Everything seems fine because I'm at home, where life isn't bad.

Finally returned to work today. My manager said hi, while assistant manager never liked me. But we have 2 new people that are under ass. Manager's wing.

No on talks to me. No one says hi.

Like I'm invisible

That severely hurts my self confidence. My thoughts race. Why am I here? No one clearly wants me here. As I start to cry at my desk, wipe with tissues and try to continue. But the negative thoughts continue. And no one cares that I'm visibly crying. Mind you my desk isn't a cubicle. I can't find my face anywhere but in my hands.

I eventually go the the bathroom to let up some crying. I sob, my mind goes to my work knife at my belt. You can gues what happens there. 5 long slashes.

I return to work. Trying to force on the task at hand as I listen to everyone talk to each other about some great party.

I feel alone.

Back to the bathroom. Cry. 3 more lines

These bleed more

HR walks by my desk and sees I'm upset. Invites me up to her office. We sit, talk, she sees the cuts. I roll my sleeve down.

She's gentle but worried. Calls her higher up HR. We talk about something unrelated to calm me down first.

I explain how I feel about the situation downstairs, that I unhealthily vented this way. They worry of my safety. And bring me to the hospital to get checked out.

It's not my first time in for self harm. But harm is shallow, so I'm not an immediate risk. Gotta call tomorrow to schedule partial program.

I'm just so tired.

I loved doing my job

But I no longer feel welcomed..

#tw self harm #tw self hate #sorry for mistakes #writing these as they flow from my mind #im so tired

1 note · View note

neurodecadence · 9 months

Note

Multiples of 10!

0:Height

6 foot, but it's been a while and I wouldn't be surprised if I'd shrunk a lil.

10:Want any piercings?

I HAD an industrial and lobes done, but they healed closed so I gotta get them redone. I wanna get two more through the cartilage up the top of my left ear too.

20:What I hate most about myself

Yknow it's funny, if you asked me this a year and a half ago I would have a whole diatribe about how much I couldn't stand myself. These days with the power of therapy, positive relationships, self love (and a little plurality) I actually quite like me.

I suppose the thing that annoys me most about myself is how hard I find the act of creating, despite truly enjoying it. My chronic illnesses make finding the energy to do it very hard, and I get extreme anxiety about just putting words to paper to the point I have to just stop very often. I can't explain it, but it's very unpleasant. So that, I think, is the answer.

30:What I hate the most about work/school

I haven't worked in years, and the reason for that is I had a minor workplace accident that set off latent chronic illnesses. So that event would probably be it. Well that and the ensuing legal battle, but in that part I had the union on my side and that was fun. Something about having a union lawyer fighting tooth and claw for you is a real power trip. More than worth all the union dues I paid to see the district manager cower in his boots about it.

40:Who wish I could be

Now that's a hard question. "healthy" feels like a cop out almost, I've been ill my whole life and don't know what that me would be like.

If i could only make one change it would be confidence in creating. To kill that fear when I try and write in more than a manic burst. The confidence to put pen to page and just MAKE things.

Alternate answer: me, but in my partners arms. I'm allowed to get a little gay with it.

0 notes

redhairedwolfwitch · 1 year

Note

Hello my Auburn Angel,

Just wanted to see how you are doing, my friend. I haven't written you in a bit, but I have been doing all right. Also, side note, this is the first time I'm writing you whilst slightly tipsy (this is an understatement), but I am cooking myself dinner right now and hoping I don't burn anything.

I was wondering, if you want to share, how are this going vis-à-vis your living situation and potentially wanting to get out of there?

Also, I like asking really weird questions to get to know people better, so I have some for you, but feel free to ignore whatever you don't want to answer:

If you could only eat one color of food for the rest of your life, which color would you choose?

If you were a character in a horror movie, what cliche would you be (e.g. the first to die, the skeptic who doesn't believe in ghosts, etc.)?

If you could have any superpower, but it had to be completely useless, what superpower would you choose?

Also, I love that your friend calls you Gingernut now. Do you tell your irl friends about your tumblr or is this a tumblr friend?

Also (ugh too many also's), I don't think the tag issue happens to me, tags work fine even if I use hyperlinks I think, or maybe I don't pay enough attention to it, could be.

Update on the food: It's almost done, so time to wrap up this letter and start putting some food in my belly and sober up (because I'm supposed to go out again later).

As always, much love,

-Chaotic Anon

ahh my sweet sweet chaotic anon, i hope you're doing well (if we ignore the understated tipsy cooking - i hope whatever you made was edible and you didn't burn yourself or the food)

oh, my living situation is unchanged, my small childhood bedroom where the only place i can sit is my bed, which isn't bad but also it makes me love interior design, specifically colours and furniture, like desks, which there is a lack of in my little room. living situation will be unchanged for at least 2023, and even if i could get out, i don't know where i'd go, so i feel a bit hopeless since i don't have a big picture for my life, i just have a little picture with small stepping stone milestones, but the picture is slowly getting coloured in... oh can we add in how my only friend in this town moved away? yeah, i'm stuck for at least 2023, and with the way my mental health is going (badly) i might not get far in general i'm afraid.

anyway, you asked fun questions, and i gotta say, i love colourful food, so i'd be doomed if i had to have e.g. only red foods (sounds like a lot of tomatoes) and it reminded me of how many foods are beige or red, or green or brown.. or just burn everything to a brown or charcoal but i'd need a sauce to go with since it would be dry as heck ahh...

horror movies? i can see myself either getting the hell out of there quickly, or just dying very easily from something unrelated (knowing my anxiety, my heartrate and blood pressure would probably kill me first) but i think i'd just die easily, there is no final enby here sksks.

a completely useless superpower? all i can think of is how Pietro died in Age of Ultron... fast but not fast enough and no super healing:/ he deserved better...

it's a tumblr friend, who has managed to also be a discord and instagram friend, and eventually irl friend too hehe, but people on tumblr and other socials reply and message more than any of my irl friends so...

yeah i don't know what's going on with the tags, i'm just kinda staring at them and trying to either poke them with a metaphorical stick or not at all, since i saw some people are having glitchy tags that reload into something other than a linked fic? tumblr chaos, what else can we expect these days?

take care of yourself, anon of chaos, have fun but also don't die please, i prefer people alive if possible...

~Lux

#hello anon #chaotic anon

1 note · View note

xtodorcki · 3 years

Note

hiii hope your having an amazing day :) do you make headcanons? if you do and if you don't mind can i request headcanons for Izuku, Bakugo, and Denki about being in a secret relationship (i really love your stories about characters being in a secret relationship) and them accidentally outing their relationship because something happened (you can choose what happened) thank you so much!! also if you dont do headcanons you can choose one from the three on the imagine ❤�� I'm sorry if this is confusing 😅

“Secret Relationships,” Midoriya, Bakugou and Denki headcanon

YES IM GLAD YOU REQUESTED THIS UGH, I gotta do my sweet baby Bakugou first🥺

Summary: having a secret relationship with one of the guys and it’s get leaked.

Each section would probably be a little short, I apologize in advance🥺

Warnings: none!

Bakugou:

The relationship between you and Bakugou was always strange but once the students had to move on campus in the dorms, it turned into a whole different story.

The secret meetups late at night in his room, turned into nothing more than a secret relationship. The way your sleep schedule was beyond screwed up from being up late in his room and having to wake up early to go back to your room before anyone noticed.

It had been going on for months so by now you were used to the secrets and sneaking around along with barely having any sleep the next day while in class.

The more the relationship progressed, the more Bakugou would steal quick glances at you and even when you were in the kitchen with the other students, he would purposely slide behind you and touching your back in the process.

One day in particular, the class had decided to have a game night and he wasn’t too thrilled about joining in. He had tried to convince you to come back to his room but you had told him it would make things obvious if only the two of you were absent.

He huffed, at this point he didn’t really care about the class nor their opinions on anything. He was a ball of fire afterall so when he saw you sitting with the class as they gathered up board games, he was over with keeping things a secret, he wanted it to be known that you were his and he wanted you upstairs in his room.

“I don’t wanna play this stupid game night.” Bakugou said in front of everyone but he was directing it towards you and you tried to ignore him.

“That’s fine, you don’t have to be here dude.” Kirishima patted his back, sitting down at the table and he huffed out a breath dramatically, standing there with his arms crossed over his chest.

“I’m not talking to any of you idiots.. Y/N.” He said your name sternly, like he was giving you a direct order by the look of his red eyes.

“Why are you so worried about Y/N being here with us?” One of the classmates mentioned and you had cursed under your breath, Bakugou was acting like a child.

“Because I want my girlfriend upstairs with me.” Bakugou angrily said, everyone growing quiet and you had gulped the lump in your throat, well there goes the secret.

Everyone’s eyes had landed on you and your cheeks turned a dark shade of red before you slide the chair back and stood up. You have never felt this embarasssed in your life, he could’ve done this any other time in a completely different way but of course the asshole had to make everything a big deal.

“No way,” Denki mumbled, trying to hold the laugh that was begging to come out.

You dismissed yourself, walking over to where Bakugou was and punched his arm as hard as you could, cursing under your breath and he smirked while wrapping his arm around your shoulders, winking back at the rest of the class.

“God, you’re so fucking embarrassing, Katsuki.” You muttered, following him to the elevator to go up and he tugged you closer.

“Oh shut up, you love it.”

As you two waited for the elevator, you couldn’t help the feel the classes eyes on the both of you. It was even more humiliating as you had to wait for the doors to slide open. You heard a few of them whisper about you two being a thing, some had mentioned how obvious it was and some mentioned had you two were complete opposites.

Bakugou obviously didn’t care, instead he liked to annoy everyone, especially you. So hearing people whisper about had fed onto the asshole ego he had, making his large hand grab your chin and give you a rough kiss on the lips in front of everyone.

The way your face was completely red at this point and all he did was give the classmates a evil grin before dragging you into the elevator and pushing the button for his floor.

“Why can’t you ever be casual?”

“Do you not know me? I’m far from casual.” He nudged you gently, laughing at your tomato red face and moved his thumb to brush across your cheek.

“Yeah, clearly.”

Denki:

You had a crush on Denki for what seemed like forever. Since the first moment you met him on the first day of school till now. It was pretty obvious how much you liked him. Eventually you became bold enough to ask him to hang out.

Now you two have been dating for only a few weeks, you both had agreed to keep it private to enjoy the privacy and the time alone before the classmates end up finding out.

Of course you knew Denki a little too well at this point, you knew he would end up slipping up the secret sooner or later but it didn’t entirely bother you that it’ll happen.

And you were right, after a training exercise and having to go through some obstacle course that Aizawa had set up, he had sparked a fuse and as his brain suffered a shortage, his mouth had instantly opened and talked about you.

You couldn’t help but be over protective when he did go through that shortage phase, quickly taking care of him and making sure he was comfortable was a habit you picked up.

“So pretty.” He muttered as he reached for you in front of everyone and you froze in your place until he had wrapped his arms around you, clinging onto your body.

Your cheeks flushed, grabbing onto his body and holding him up straight so he didn’t lose his balance. He continued to mutter words like how you’re so pretty and he even slipped up how he was lucky to have you.

“Aww, Denki is in love.” Sero had laughed at his state, making you roll your eyes and become more protective.

“Nothing wrong with that.” You admitted, stroking your fingers through his hair and dragged him over to sit down.

His head had rested on top of yours, his tall frame giving you a tight hug and you had choked on the air you were breathing on from how openly clingy he was acting in front of the entire class including Mr. Aizawa.

“Is there something you’re not telling us?” Midoriya had teased, the smirk on his face made you grow embarrassed.

“No.”

“Yes, we are.” Denki cut you off, his arms still around yours and the goofy smile on his face only got bigger.

“Y/N is mine. Only mine, I don’t want to see- I don’t want to see any of you near... what’s mine.” He managed to stumble out, his face turning blank like he had forgotten what he was talking about.

“Jesus,” You laughed, putting your hand over his mouth, glancing at your classmates.

You stayed quiet, dragging him away from the rest of the class and forced him to drink some water and sit down on a chair to relax until he went back to his normal state.

You will admit that he was cute and the way he openly told everyone what was his, which was you, had made your heart flutter.

“You’re lucky you’re cute, Denki.”

“Am I?”

Midoriya:

It had taken forever for Izuku to catch onto your hints on liking him and wanting to hang out with him more. Of course he was very oblivious and didn’t catch on for weeks, even months before you got frustrated and had been straight forward with him.

The both of you being completely shy balls made everything a lot more difficult, the hints he threw at you and the hints your threw at him had completely flew over both of your heads, it was quite ridiculous.

You knew Midoriya wasn’t going to make the first move, you knew he was too big of a anxiety nut to even be bold enough to tell you to your face that he likes you in ways that was more than friends. So you did it on your own.

It hadn’t even been a week of you two officially dating until Izuku slipped it up to Todoroki when ranting about how amazing you were and how much he loved watching your quirk in action.

Once he had revealed the secret, he had told Todoroki to keep his mouth shut and not talk about it again but later that day, Izuku slipped up to another one of your classmates, Ashido.

It wasn’t long until he had slipped up to the whole entire class and now everyone knew that you two were a fresh couple. The side comments the students would make to you both and embarrass the both you, making the shyness in you two grow and cause you to stutter to no end.

“I think you two are cute!” Ashido had mentioned, trying to assure you that it wasn’t a big deal that everyone already knew.

“You knew Midoriya can’t keep a secret for long.” She commented, making you laugh and agree to what she said.

You couldn’t blame him though, he was a little too excited to be dating his crush that he couldn’t help but talk about you constantly to all his friends. He couldn’t help but stare at you and want to talk about how pretty you are and the characteristics he liked most about you.

It was in his nature, he was proud and lucky that he just had that urge to tell the whole world about you and it made butterflies explode in your stomach and it also made you want to kiss him desperately but you decided to not do that in front of everyone.

“I’m sorry, I know you didn’t want to tell anyone right away.” He mumbled towards you, the look of guilt washing over his features and you shook your head, embracing him in a tight hug.

“Don’t be sorry! I’m glad you told people.”

ANNND finished, I’m sorry it’s short. I usually go longer when it’s one character at a time but I hope it’s good🤧

PLSSSS send in more my hero requests!! I’m obsessed

• Main Masterlist •

• MHA Masterlist •

996 notes · View notes