petsmart had a cute cat w only one eye but it seemed like it was infected? i thought usually they would do something to close the socket so that doesn't happen?

Under his influence (Post Avengers! Loki x female reader)

Read chapter 12 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 13

Summary : An indecent phone conversation with Loki makes you late for your meeting with Strange.

Warning: 18+, slight dirty talk, mention of sex, mention of psychological torture, angst, insecurities, self deprecating behaviour,

"God I'd never get enough of you" she whispered as her lips lingered over his mouth for a moment before she kissed him passionately.

"I'd never want that either sweetheart " he looked down at her, he can try all the positions in the world with her but this right here was his favorite of all, her body underneath him and her eyes staring back at him with such love and adoration.

"Loo" she mumbled softly so he snapped out of his thoughts and leaned down to kiss her before he hummed "I'm scared"

"I know princess, so am I, but I have to do this, I can not lose you, I can't take such a risk" she nodded but he could still see the saddened look on her face.

"What if something happens and we aren't at the right place at the right time? What would happen to us then?" Her eyes welled up so he cupped her cheeks and kissed her before he smiled.

"My love, no matter where in the world we are, eventually we will cross each other's path in one way or another and we will do so when our timing is aligned perfectly, a moment so absolute where we would be eager and desperate to fall so deeply in love with each other..just like this, you were made for me darling and I'll find you anywhere, anytime..i promise "

He woke up with head pounding and heart beating so fast, after the training session with the Captain he had fallen asleep, more than the training itself it was the conversation they both had that had tired him out. He couldn't stop asking him about some man named Bucky and how he knew that this Bucky was alive because apparently that's what his doppleganger has said to him to distract him in the fight after the battle of New York.

He was still under the false assumption that Loki was the one to morph into him even though he had clarified it a million times, he probably shouldn't have done the same to make fun of him when he was handcuffed after they had defeated him, that's probably why Rogers was adamant on this theory.

And Now this strange dream he just had was worrying him. He have had plenty of dreams about you in the past but this one felt different, he knew he saw you but you seemed a little different, just a bit aged than you do now, not much though. It didn't even feel like he was in this dream, he felt as if he was watching two people he didn't even know. However he did recognise the shared love between them, their emotions mirrored how you two felt about each other.

Perhaps he was overthinking, he knew Thanos was looking to assemble all the infinity stones and since the day when he had escaped with the tesseract things have been different. He wondered what would have happened if Stark hadn't dropped the briefcase holding the tesseract that fine day, Thor was taking him back to Asgard, the course of his life would have been entirely different if it wasn't for him picking up the cube. He felt overwhelmed and only one person could have made him feel better so he sat up and picked up the telephone to ring you.

He dialed your number and it didn't even ring twice before you picked it up

"Hey handsome" you giggled and the sound of your voice made him smile,

"Princess, i want to apologise if I am being a nuisance while you are on the job"

"No no ..not at all, I got off early, have to see the guy remember?" Oh yes. The healer.

"How could I ever forget?"

"I'm almost ready lo, will leave in a few"

"Oh apologies darling, I wouldn't want you to be late for the meeting "

You sat down on the bed as he said that.

"Maybe I want to be late, I'm not going to see you for hours, let me just talk to you baby" he smiled at the comment.

"Okay we can talk my sweetheart, what are you wearing?" you gasped as he said that and it took him a second to realize how his words were being interpreted.

"God you're a naughty boy..it's barely two in the afternoon" you mumbled and he was grateful you weren't there to see the effect you had on him. He was a god, where was the will power and self resistance? How come you were able to break him so easily?

"No no I just mean in general, I just wanted to have an image of you in my head, that is all" he mumbled nervously

"Mmmm I'll tell you if you tell me what you are wearing"

"Well I …uhhh .." he just had a satin sheet to cover his modesty, when alone he enjoyed sleeping naked. Clothes always made him feel hot and not in a good way.

"Oh my god you're naked aren't you? " he squeezed his eyes as you said that "Oh that's a lovely image.. I can picture it you know, your tall athletic naked body on the bed, aren't you the perfect sight for my sore eyes?" Why were you doing this to him?

"Now who's the naughty one here?"

"You look so pretty lo, kinda want to be there and see you like that" his eyes filled with lust as you said that. Now he was wishing you were there to watch him while he gets himself off for you.

"Shhhhh before this escalates further"

"You don't want this to escalate, pretty baby?" He took a deep breath as you said that.

"Darling please"

"Please continue or please stop?"

"Norns..both ..I want both"

"Mmmhm I wonder what you'd do to me if you were here" your voice turned sultry as you spoke.

"You really wish for me to tell you?" He asked you so you smiled.

"Mmmhmmm please loki.. please tell me" he chuckled at the response. If you wanted to play he'd play with you.

"You sound so sweet right now princess, are you always like this when you're being dominated?" Your face flushed to the max as he said that, you could feel your ears getting hot at the sudden change in his tone. He really was a god.

"Ummm dominated?" You gulped

"Uhuhh have you never been controlled? Never been told what to do in bed? Never been subjugated or ruled over by a man much more powerful than you?" He asked you, you could sense the mischief reeking but at the same time his voice remained deep and husky, it melted in your ears and it made you feel as if he was hypnotizing you. Maybe he was hypnotizing you.

"Lokiiiii stahhhhp" you whispered buy your voice came out all whiny.

"You want me to stop now, little one?"

"Noooo..not really" you said meekly

"Figured, how do you feel knowing that i often touch myself thinking about you"

Your breath hitched and you needed a moment to answer,

"Uhhh I feel desired and sexy" you mumbled nervously.

"Such a good girl, that's how you deserve to feel all the time" you squeezed your thighs together at the soft praise, his voice had gotten so firm like a school teacher but in the sexiest way possible.

"I am a good girl..but maybe I'll disappoint you in bed" there you go ruining the sexy moments with your insecurities. His brows furrowed as he noticed the sadness in your voice so he propped himself on his elbow to flip the phone to the other ear.

"Why would you say that my sweet princess?" the soft voice made your eyes tear up. Why were you like this?

"Because my ex told me"

"He did?" His jaw clenched as he heard that,

"But it was my fault, i wasn't as invested in having sex with him as he was"

"Because of the heat?"

"Mmmhmmmm"

"What did he say to you?"

"Ummm let's not discuss that lo"

"What did he say?"

"Just that..I was awful in bed and that I needed to show more enthusiasm and partake in the act of pleasing him rather than him doing everything..you know" He got absolutely quiet so you spoke again, maybe you should have kept your mouth shut. Your mouth was one of the reasons why you had trouble keeping the guys interested in you for long.

"I'm sorry..I don't know why I told you that.. please ignore it and can we go back to being naughty?" you chuckled nervously even though your eyes were welled up now because of the embarassement.

"I apologise for going quite on you. I'd love to show you how wrong that scoundrel was about you. It takes two to battle my darling, perhaps he wasn't capable of pleasing a woman as sensual as you are"

You bit on your lips at his words, the slight anger in his voice made you smile though, he was protective about you and it gave you all the butterflies in the stomach, you have never had a feeling like this before "Well I do hope he is wrong though"

"He is, you want to know how I know that?" He smiled

"How?"

"Last night, the way your body responded to me, just thinking about it makes my cock ache for your warmth" he mumbled

"Goshhhhh lokiiiii" you sucked a deep breath in, voice barely a whisper

"And that voice of yours, norns my little love.. I'd do anything for you as long as you're moaning so sweetly for me, as long as you're making those pretty little noises in my ears" he whispered softly and your fingers settled between your legs involuntarily.

"Mmmmmhmmm I'll do anything for you lo.. whatever you ask"

"I know you will.. I know you'd do anything for me"

You sat up as your breathing got heavier. The meeting. Oh god.

And you also had to change your underwear now.

"God I have to gooo" he chuckled as you said that.

"That's a shame"

"I know I'm sorry..that was thrilling..oh wow i need a moment" he chuckled again. He rubbed his cock slowly in order to suppress those sensations you had evoked in him but it was only making it worse so he stopped touching himself.

"Princess?" He wanted to share the dream he had about you two but now wasn't the time, you were already late.

"Mmm?"

"Nothing..I uhh ..you'll miss me?"

"Lokiii I am missing you right now and we are talking, you don't even know how much I'm going to miss you"

His heart fluttered as you said that.

"So will I, and perhaps i will see you tonight"

"Please do and maybe we can umm play with each other again just like last night"

You smiled widely before you hung up, leaving him to stay hard the rest of the day, he sighed as he put the phone down on his chest and then his mouth curved into a smile thinking about the last few minutes.

You really wanted to tell him that you loved him but was it too soon to do that? You had no idea.

“I’m sorry I’m late” you apologized as you spotted him at the restaurant, your mom had mailed a picture of him to you so it was easier to recognise.

“It’s fine I guess, I’m used to such tardiness” he was smiling but you could tell he was annoyed, you didn’t miss the sarcasm in his tone.

“Ummm okay actually I don’t think I got your name yet, my mom told me everything except your name, I’m y/n by the way” you raised your hand forward so he looked at it for a few seconds before he shook it.

“Hello y/n, my name is Doctor Stephen Strange”

You didn't know how to talk to him, when you tried to order something to eat he told you that he had already done it for you so now you had nothing else to do or say.

You sipped on the drink in order to avoid the awkward silence between you two. So this was going soooooo well right? You missed loki, even the pin drop silence was never awkward with him, back when you two were purely friends and he was hiding in your apartment, the conversation between you two never felt forced. Sure you blabbed unnecessarily at times but he always smiled and he never seemed annoyed. You both would often sit on the sofa with your backs resting on the individual armrest and your legs almost touching each other, you'd watch something on your phone and he would read his books, it felt cozy and comfortable.

How the hell did you even stumble upon someone like him?

"Why aren't you eating?" Stephen asked you so you smiled but before you could answer he interrupted you

"Let me guess, you're one of those women aren't you, those who pretend to not eat on dates even though the reality couldn't be farther from it..no offense " Well you took it.

"First of all I love eating but beef steak isn't the idea of a hearty lunch for me" he snickered as he cut himself a piece, the precision he used with his knife was enough to tell you that he indeed was a surgeon.

"You were extremely late, I had to order for us"

"Yeah thank you for not waiting for me to get my opinion, I bet you're one of those men who think they are superior and can decide everything for their women"

"Last time I checked you weren't mine" he winked at you so you rolled your eyes.

"Look I'm only here because my mother forced me to–"

"That's also why I –"

"Stop interrupting me" you cut him off and that felt really nice.

You pointed a finger at him so he went quiet but now you forgot what you were even saying and he used the opportunity to speak again.

"That is exactly why I'm here as well so let's just eat and never see each other again alright?" He said rudely so you nodded.

"Yeah I'd like that"

"Good"

"So New York City, what's it like?" You questioned him and he glared at you,

"I can't just stay quiet, and you're eating awfully slow" he sighed at the statement.

"It's definitely been much worse since the attack"

"The Chitauris?" You asked sheepishly.

"Yeah, isn't it funny how they glorified the man responsible for the whole mess and turned him into an Avenger, best way to redeem a criminal right?" Your jaw clenched as he said that, he didn't even know Loki.

"Do you not watch news, Loki wasn't an accomplice, he was a victim"

"Fantastic story isn't it, heart wrenching, it's so easy to befool the humankind"

You wanted to say so many things but you couldn't even defend him in public, people would think you were just a crazy fan or worse one of those simps who just wanted to fuck the Asgardian god. You did want to do that though.

"So where were you when it happened?" You asked him to change the conversation, hoping he'd keep his resentment to himself.

"In the nearest building performing an extensive and very critical surgery, have to say it was not at all hard to focus with the sounds of grenades going off every few seconds"

"Ohhh..well that's admirable that you didn't feel scared or ran away" he snickered as you said that.

"Yeah, an innocent woman would have died on my table if I had lost my concentration that day and the man responsible for it got away with no remorse or repercussions, he's being celebrated instead"

Okay that was enough.

"Well you don't know that, you don't know what he's going through, how much guilt he carries or how bad it is for him to sleep at night when he's all alone..you don't know him or why he did what he did..what would you do if a powerful entity had influenced you and tortured you for a year like that?" He looked at you, slightly taken aback by the sudden outburst before he snickered condescendingly.

"I see you're one of those"

"Whattt?" You looked at him confused.

"The ones who wants to fuck him"

"You are so judgemental, I bet you judge other people's brains when they're splayed open in front of you"

"Uh-huh by the way Didn't he want to commit mass genocide even before the whole ordeal?"

"Yeah so did Thor, but he's a hero isn't he?" Why you were you fighting with him? You should just leave right?

"Well to be fair I don't think too highly of him either" Leave now.

"You know what this was fun..byye bye..see you never "

You stood up and walked out, he didn't stop you either, you had to cross the road to get to the other side but you heard him calling your name so you stopped like a moron in the middle of the street to turn and look at him, that's when a man with a motorbike came out of nowhere and hit you. You didn't remember much after that, you remembered the sharp pain in your right leg and you remembered seeing Stephen's stupid face before you lost consciousness.

A few hours later you woke up and your head was pounding, when you looked to the side, Stephen was there reading a newspaper,

"Did you perform a brain surgery on me?" You asked him so he raised his eyebrows.

"Do you have one in there because the way you stood there in the middle of the road was foolish"

"That guy came out of nowhere "

"Very well, now that you're awake, I'm gonna leave" he said as he got up so you sat up hurriedly.

"Wait wait how would I get home, oh my god is my leg broken?" You looked at the bandage on your right ankle and your eyes widened. No it can't be, it can't be. Thirty years, you had gone thirty years without a broken bone and you were planning to keep it that way all your life, it can't be broken right?

"I broke my bone, didn't i? " Your eyes welled up so he sighed.

"It's just a sprain, you'll be fine in a week or two"

"A week? I can't not work for a week, they'll fire me" you groaned

"Well you should have thought about that before you–"

"You know what..just shut up okay?"

He rolled his eyes and luckily he agreed to drive you home. He had to assist you to walk though and you didn't really like the idea of being so close to a man you barely knew.

"So whose car is it?" You asked him as he sat you down on the passenger seat.

"Rental"

"Figured"

"Why did you ask if you figured?"

You crossed your arms and didn't respond to him, to avoid the awkwardness you turned the radio on.

Hey I just met you and this is crazy but here's my number so call me maybe

You immediately changed the channel to not give him any sort of wrong signal. He seemed the type to take wrong signals.

My universe will never be the same. I'm glad you came, I'm glad you came.

You bobbed your head back and forth to the beat of the song and he shook his head in disbelief.

It was around 11 at night, how long were you out for? You were surprised he stayed by your side and didn't just flee, maybe it was the doctor in him. Well atleast he wasn't the worst man you have ever met in your life.

God you wanted to talk to Loki, you grabbed your purse and took out your phone but it was discharged completely.

Luckily your building had the lift but he still accompanied you to your apartment, as soon as you opened the door and even though you couldn't see him, you just knew he was there. Loki was there, you could smell his cologne

"Umm would you like a cup of coffee or something?" Please say no..

He looked around the apartment and his face contorted in disgust. Was this your mother disguised as a man? Well you had no idea you would be bringing him back here, this wasn't a date and you were too distracted before the meeting to even think of cleaning the space.

"No thanks. Here's your medicine" he passed you the small prescription bag so you took it from him.

"Well ummm thank you and I'm sorry i won't be able to show you around" you said to him so he rolled his eyes.

"Good, I'm relieved"

An awkward silence and even the worst goodbye handshake later he finally left, you were still on the couch and before you could say anything Loki appeared and locked the main door from inside. His face seemed blotchy, eyes red, cheeks dampened, you could tell he had cried.

He walked towards you and got down on his knees in front of you, then he lifted the right leg up to inspect the injury.

"Lokii"

"Who did this to you ?" He asked you

"Some guy on a bike..It was just an accident"

"That man isn't responsible for this state of yours is he?" He asked you so you shook your head, you cupped his face to make him look at you and his eyes were filled with fear.

"I'm sorry, i would have called but my phone died and ummm I was unconscious "

"Norns y/n" he flinched away from you and stood up, only to pace back and forth in front of you. You were worried that he was angry but then the look on his face was enough to tell you that he was scared, he wasn't able to get in touch with you at all and that must have been terrifying.

"Looo baby" you called out to him and put your hand forward so he took it and sat down next to you on the sofa.

"I'm okay, it's just a sprain"

Well unfortunately you couldn't climb on his lap so you somehow scooted closer to him and hugged him.

"I am sorry darling, I was losing my mind here" his arms wrapped around your tightly and he placed his head down on your shoulder.

"I know I know it's okay i would have been the same"

After a minute or so, he got on his feet again and picked you up in his arms only to lay you down on the sofa again.

"How bad does it hurt?" He asked you and your face scrunched in response, it wasn't bothering you when you came back to consciousness but now you were starting to feel it.

"I think the meds will help"

He sat down on the corner of the sofa and placed your legs on his leg carefully before he grabbed the right one and trailed his fingers all over your ankle, the longer he did it the better you felt.

"Did you just fix me?"

"I wish I could darling but I'm not that kind of God, i can barely lessen the pain and discomfort that comes with it" you smiled as he said that. He was talking as if this wasn't an otherworldly magic in itself.

"How do you do that? I mean how is it possible... like in a scientific way?" He chuckled as you questioned him "I'm sorry I'm on drugs i think"

"No you can ask questions..it's just you're adorable when you do" you giggled at the compliment, he carefully hovered on top of you, avoiding your leg to not hurt you any further and kissed you softly.

"It's just a form of energy being used differently darling"

"Energy?" You looked at him confused so he tucked your hair behind your ears before he kissed your forehead. Everytime he kissed your forehead you couldn't help but giggle.

"Mhhmm In simpler words whenever you see me doing this–" he said as he conjured a flower out of nowhere and gave it to you "I am merely harnessing the cumulative energies from multiple dimensions in order to fetch me whatever I need from my vault" you nodded even though it made no sense to you.

"You're so cute but I don't understand anything" he chuckled and kissed you before he got off the sofa, picked you up again and then laid you down on the bed so you could rest.

"Fancy a cup of tea madame?" You nodded as he asked you.

He made tea for you, he fed you dinner that had to be a takeout because he wasn't even going to attempt to cook and burn down your apartment. You smelled like the hospital and wanted to shower so he helped you get to the bathroom, luckily you had put on a dress for the meeting instead of a jeans so it was easier to take off, you noticed how he had kept his eyes closed like the gentleman that he was when you asked him to take you back to the room while you just had a towel wrapped around your body.

By the time you were in bed again you felt extremely exhausted, the meds were making you feel drowsy already.

"I'm going to abhor leaving you all alone here in the morning" he cooed in your ears so you pecked on his lips.

"Mmmm don't leave me then..stayyy"

"I wish I could princess, I truly wish I could be here for you all the time"

"I know baby it's okay i understand, besides I'll be fine, it's just a sprain"

"How long will it take to heal completely?"

"Two weeks at the most, but I heal fast so one week" you laughed and it warmed his heart.

"Ummm okay I have a proposition for you"

"What?" You smiled because you thought he was going to say something silly to make you laugh again but what he said made you sit up and contemplate, how was this even going to work? Especially with Melissa and those Avengers around.

"Come stay with me at the tower while you're healing"

💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

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࿔*:･ﾟTwo in One | H.S

↝ pairing: Harry Styles x actress!reader

↝ summary: Harry finds Marvel interviews hard to do, luckily for him, you’re there to help.

↝ warnings: some cussing obvi. This was longer than expected whoops

↝ a/n: still struggling with trying to write so I decided to clash two of my favorite things in the world to help my creativity flow :) anyway I’m a whore for co-star fics oop🤪

“Right, so you’re paired up with Harry the entire tour. You okay with that?” Tasha, your publicist, informed you. You and the rest of your team had just arrived at the hotel where all the interviews for today’s press junket would be held.

At the moment you were in LA promoting the latest installment of the Eternals series. The last couple of months have been surprisingly enjoyable for you and your career. While you were a talented and well known actress around the world, you were famously known for the character you play in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. You’ve been part of the MCU family for a couple of years now;your first appearance being Captain America: Civil War and your latest one being in the Eternals sequel.

You were excited to be part of the Eternals crew, however, you still missed your Avengers family. Despite your character being around the longest in the cast, you were still the newbie amongst the actors. Everyone knew each other from the previous film so it was like a reunion for the lot of them. You were nervous to meet everyone, but the first table read you all had proved you had nothing to be anxious about. Immediately they made you feel welcome and it honestly felt like you knew them for ages. Though out of everyone, the one person who made you the most comfortable would have to be Harry.

He might’ve been shy at first but that didn’t hide the fact that he was an absolute sweetheart who was genuinely interested in getting to know you. He was intrigued by you—your personality, your journey as an actress—everything about you was just so interesting to him. While there was a hint of flirting and typical banter between you both, you guys were friends;close friends to be specific. Did you find him attractive? Yes, of course you did who wouldn’t? And yeah, there is definitely chemistry between the two of you, though you chose to not act on your feelings.

1. Harry was dating Olivia Wilde and you really didn’t need to be in the center of a cheating rumor

2. You weren’t too comfortable with the whole “dating co-stars while working on set” kind of thing.

Besides having a crush on him, you were okay admiring him from afar and supporting him as a friend. Even when filming wrapped up, you both remained in contact with each other, no matter what time zone or country you were both in.

Adjusting the black sunglasses that rested on the bridge of your nose you turn to Tasha, “Course I’m okay with that! More than happy actually, I’m more comfortable with him than everyone else here.” You admit to her as security guards guide you towards the elevators of the hotel.

Tasha peers at you from behind her coffee cup, “You two get along well.” She comments, though there was a hint of something behind her tone. Your brows slightly crease, turning to look at her, you find a cheeky smirk on her face.

You and your team, along with the security guards enter the elevator. One of the guards pressed a button and the elevators slide shut. You noticed your heart skipping a beat as the floors of the elevator increased. The higher you went the faster your heart seemed to beat out your chest. At first you thought it was nerves, but it wasn’t, it was the brunette haired boy waiting for you in a hotel room a few floors above you. However, you pushed down the feeling, not wanting to get caught up in your little crush for him throughout the entire press tour.

“Stop it.” You mumble towards Tasha, the smirk still evident on her features. While she was your publicist, the two of you managed to form a beautiful friendship over the past 6 to 8 years you’ve known each other. She was one of you best friends at this point.

The tall blonde shrugged, “I’m just saying, he’s newly single and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you making a few moves here and there.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, her engagement ring flashing against the harsh elevator lights. The elevator dings and everyone slowly files out.

“That’s exactly why I shouldn’t say anything about my feelings. He’s freshly single, might I emphasize, I’m sure he’d want to explore the freedom of being single again.” You explain, linking your arms with Tasha’s. “Plus, it’s a crush, it’s not like I’m in love with him or something.”

Tasha rolled her eyes at your stubbornness.

“I understand Y/n. But there’s literally no denying that there’s something between you two. Whether you’d like to explore that or not is totally up to you, though as someone who’s quite familiar with the situation, I’d say you just go for it.” She advised while the two of you walked down the hall looking for the room with your and Harry’s name outside of it. You smile as you pass some interviewers already waiting outside the rooms, offering a little “hi” or “hello”.

When you spot Harry’s name on the door you stop in your tracks and turn to Tasha.

“Thank you Tash for the advice, really. But right now I just need to avoid thinking of that and just focus on the interviews. You know how overwhelmed I can get and the fact that he’s gonna be there the entire time doesn’t really help.” You reason with her. You appreciated her advice, although you seriously couldn’t be hyper focused on your crush on Harry. Maybe it was the fact that you were seeing him again for the first time that made you so giddy and lowkey obsessed with him. Whatever it was, you didn’t want to focus on it.

“Understood.” Tasha nodded. She peaked into the room where Harry and the camera crew was setting up. “Alright, you all good to go in? How’re you feeling?” She checked up on you.

“I’m good.” You confirmed. Tasha walked into the room, you trailing behind her. It was the typical setup: a backdrop with the film’s title plastered on it, a few chairs, and a camera crew. Tasha greeted Jeff, Harry’s manager, the two sharing a friendly hug. You greeted him as well before walking further into the room.

Already sat in the director’s chair with his name behind it was Harry. He was on his phone, mindlessly scrolling with his brows scrunched together, almost slouching in the chair. The increase in volume kn the room caught his attention, causing him to look up from his phone.

You eyes widen when his instantly connect with yours. His face brightens, eyebrows raising and a smile that squeezed into his cheeks.

“Hey you!” He excitedly greets you, hopping out of the chair with his arms wide open for you. Your own lips form into its own sweet smile as you find yourself being engulfed by Harry’s arms.

“Hello to you too!” You laugh into his shoulder, your arms wrapping around his waist. He leans back to look properly at you, though his arms remained around your figure.

“You’re late.” He teased you, a glint of playfulness in his green eyes. Your mouth gaped dramatically, leaning further away from him.

“Am not! I’m actually on time—“ you cut yourself off to look over your shoulder at Tasha. “Tash, we’re on time aren’t we?”

You feel Harry chuckle at your banter, eager to prove him wrong. The blonde smirks at you, “Thirty minutes ahead schedule.”

“Told you.” Harry rolls his eyes at you before bringing you back into his chest. Sure, you were friends, but when it came to showing affection, you and Harry were very touchy and “huggy” people.

“It’s been so long since we’ve seen each other, I’ve missed ya.” He looked down at you, eyeing your outfit for the day. “You look gorgeous by the way, love.”

A light blush forms on your cheeks, “Thank you, H. You don’t look too bad yourself.” You say, patting the lapels of his blazer. His outfit was fashionably casual yet comfy all at the same time. It made him look very soft and cuddly. Plus that stand of hair that curled against his forehead was very attractive—simple yet very effective.

He thanks you, leading you towards your chairs with his arm around you. He gives you a hand to hop onto the director’s chair before sitting in his own.

You lean you elbow on the arm rest and place your chin in your palm, “So, first interview for the movie, you nervous?”

He copies your stance, shifting closer to you, so the conversation was only between you both.

“Y’know what? Yes, actually I am.” He admits with a breath.

“Really?”

“Yeh, I mean it’s a bit different from other movies I’ve promoted. I’ve never been so self conscious about accidentally spoiling something.” He spoke, using his hands to emphasize his point. “Marvel’s bloody secretive, I feel like m’head’s bout to be chopped off or something if I let something slip.”

You let out the laugh at his comment, “I mean you’re not Tom Holland or Mark Ruffalo, so you’ll be fine.” You said, nudging his shoulder with yours.

Shaking his head he stares at you, “I don’t know how y’do it, I’m shitting m’pants right now.” The corner of his lip raises to cover up his nerves. He was joking for the most part, although Harry was genuinely worried about sharing too much about the movie or his character. The movie was a big deal to him since it was a different experience to the previous movies he’s been in. Marvel movies had more action to them and it was an honor to be part of the wide-ranging world of the MCU.

Harry was more than happy to be coupled up with you for the entire press tour. Besides the fact that’s he’s been having a budding crush on you, the two of you got along great and we’re very comfortable with each other’s presence. You bounced off each other effortlessly and there was a natural connection between you both—at least that’s what Harry believes.

“Oh, please! You’re going to be fine, Harry. I’m sure these interviews will feel like a breeze once you get through the first one.” You assure him, placing a hand on his arm. “Plus, I’m gonna be right next to you if you need help. You’ve got nothing to worry about.” You grin, the dimples in your cheeks going unnoticed by Harry. He had an urge to poke them, not in a menacing or teasing kind of way, but in a “oh you’re so cute, I adore you” type of way.

Harry hums into his palm gazing staring at you, “Guess you’ll be my good luck charm then, huh?”

“Sure, though I can’t guarantee how much luck I’ll be for you.” You snort, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I mean you’ve already got the charm, think we’re already halfway there, darling.” He shamelessly flirted. A boost of confidence shot through him when he saw you attempt to hide the smile behind your hand.

“Shut it.” You muttered, feeling a bit flustered at his comment. You’re so pathetically down bad for this man that a simple bloody pickup line was enough to have you blushing like a teenager, you thought to yourself. Gosh, you wanted to ram yourself into a wall headfirst.

Harry huffed, gently pulling your hand from your face, “Oi, don’t get all shy on me. I don’t need ya ignoring me the entire day.”

You placed your hand down to glare at him, “That was one time.”

“Y’still didn’t talk to me the entire day.” Harry rebutted, tilting his head at you. Happy that he could finally see your face again, he rested his head on your shoulder. The room was full of murmurs from different people. The film crew was double checking all the equipment and lighting before interviews began, while Tasha and Jeff were having a run down on today’s schedule.

Everything around you and Harry was loud and borderline chaotic. Yet the two of you sat in comfortable silence. Since you’ve arrived Harry’s nerves had calmed down. His palms weren’t moist and his heart wasn’t pounding as hard against his chest anymore.

“Y’know I actually did miss you.” Harry spoke, shifting to look up at you.

“I missed you too. I always see videos and pictures of you on tour, looks like so much fun.” You hum. Harry lifts his head off you, “Oh, y’keeping tabs on me now?” He smirked, earning him a swat on the chest to which he feigned hurt at.

“You wish.” You scoffed jokingly.

“You should come to one of the shows one day. I know a guy who can get me tickets.” He offered, the corners of his eyes crinkling at his own joke.

“Oh really?” You play along. Harry nodded seriously, “Yeh, he works for the guy who sings and all that. I heard he’s a right dick though.”

“Your friend’s not wrong.” You claim causing Harry to gasp at you in offense. The banter was cut short when Tasha and Jeff approached you two, signing that it was time for the interviews to start.

*clip 1 🎬*

“So Harry, how was it like to work with someone who’s been in the Marvel business for a while now?” Claire, an interviewer asked. “Did you ask her for any advice? Have you learned anything from her—what was that like?” Harry took a sip from his Starbucks cup and hummed.

Harry turned his head to look at Y/n with the corner of his mouth quirked up.

“She was horrible.” The camera panned to Y/n who’s mouth was in an “o” shape. Before she can speak, Harry placed a hand on her knee and began sputtering apologies through his laughter.

“He’s quite the comedian.” Y/n sarcastically remarks while Harry is pulling her into his side. Claire giggles at the two’s antics.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” Harry started. His arm remained around Y/n’s shoulders. “Y/n’s the opposite of horrible. She’s been such a help since day one and she’s been helping me today during these interviews. Uhm, I’m very appreciative of her actually—because she’s been patient with me and the ridiculous amount of questions I have. She’s been a kind of guide for me while we were filming this movie and I couldn’t have gotten through it without her.” He finished with a shy shrug.

“That was sweet.” Y/n cooed at Harry, who only blushed in response.

“Was it?”

“Yeah.” She nodded.

“Well I meant it.”

*clip 2 🎬*

“I know you guys can’t say much about the movie, but can one of you try to give the audience an idea of what goes down in this film?” Josh another interviewer asked.

Y/n hummed to herself in thought.

“Y’know I’ve been dreading that question.” Harry mentioned wiggling his pointer finger at the interviewer. Y/n snorted to herself and jokingly pushed Harry to lean back into his seat.

“I’ll take it.”

Harry looks up at the ceiling and said, “Oh, thank God.”

Josh laughed at Harry, “You’re not willing to risk spoiling it, huh?”

Harry shook his head, “Are y’kidding me? I’ve been on the edge of m’seat the entire time.”

“Have the people at Marvel given you the talk about spoiling the movies?” Josh asked.

“Yeh, they’re very strict about what we’re allowed to say and not say about the film.” Harry pointed behind him, “Actually a few minutes before we started, they had to pull me aside and remind me that I can’t say this or that about the film.”

An amused expression was on Y/n’s features, “Did they actually?”

Harry looked at her seriously, “Yeah! Wait—you didn’t get one?”

“Nope.” Y/n answered causing Harry to slump into his seat with his arms crossed. Josh and Y/n laughed at the man.

“Hey man, Y/n doesn’t need it, she’s a trained professional.” Josh said in the actress’s defense.

“Y/n, how has Harry been in the spoiling department? Has he let anything slip or almost slip?”

“He’s been doing well. Thankfully, he hasn’t let anything slip out yet, but that’s only cause he makes me answer all the hard questions.” Y/n replied, making quotation marks with her hands when she said the word hard.

Harry raised his hand like a child in primary school.

“I’d like to point out that I just helped us avoid answering the question about the movie by changing the subject.” He stated proudly earning himself a high five from his lovely co-star.

*clip 3 🎬*

“So Harry, we got to meet Eros towards the end of the first Eternals movie. What can the audience expect from him in this sequel?” Silence filled the room as Harry stared at the interviewer with a blank expression.

“Uh—hmm—what can we expect from Eros?” Harry mumbled to himself, looking everywhere but the interviewer.

“Mmm, uh, I-I don’t know.” He tried to answer with a sheepish grin on his lips. Harry fully turned his body to look at Y/n and leaned down to whisper in her ear.

“I need help.” He whispered, though the mic picked it up. Y/n began to whisper in his ear with her hands covering her mouth. Harry’s mouth gaped as if he were going to speak.

“Uh, we get to learn more about him as a character and what he means to the story of the film.” He recited almost childlike.

“What are some things will we learn about Eros in this film—that you can tell us, of course?” The interviewer continued to question, enjoying the interaction between Harry and Y/n.

Harry’s eyes widened as he sheepishly leaned back down to Y/n. She giggled to herself and began whispering in his ear again. Harry’s eyes furrowed before looking at Y/n in confusion.

“Am I allowed to say that?” He asked her.

“Yeah, they mentioned it at the end of the movie.” She explained.

“When?” His tone growing more confused and concerned that he wasn’t aware of the information about his character. Harry scratched his temple with the hand that rested behind Y/n’s chair and placed his hand back where it was.

“When Eros literally entered the scene.” Y/n clarified. Harry awkwardly smiled at the interviewer and sat back into his seat.

“If I get in trouble I’m blaming you.” Harry warned her.

Y/n rolled her eyes at him, “They all know Thanos and Eros are brothers, Harold.” She looks at the interviewer, “Right?”

The interview nodded in confirmation, “Yes ma’am.”

“Well alright then, anyway—.” Harry continued

*clip 4🎬*

“I think I’m not the only one who notices the lovely friendship between you two, you guys are adorable.” The next interviewer, Ana, pointed out.

Harry nudged Y/n cheekily, “Oh, stop it.”

“But you guys really are!” Ana exclaimed at the the two. Harry threw his arm around Y/n and pressed their cheeks together.

“We’re cute aren’t we?”

“We just can’t resist each other, we must be together all the time.” Y/n said, going along with Harry. She grasped his arms around her and squeezed it.

“At all costs. We’re practically attached at the hip.”

Ana laughed at the two actors, “I don’t doubt that.”

*clip 5🎬*

“How was it like working with each other? You guys seem like very great friends so I’m assuming all was well?” Another interviewer, Ben questioned the two.

Harry was seen stretching down in his seat to grab Y/n’s coffee, who was seconds earlier, struggling to pick up her coffee from the floor. He hands her the cup while she thanks him quietly.

“I guess I’ll start, Y/n’s been helping me answer questions all day.” Harry began. Y/n chuckled at him and continued to sip on her straw.

“We really do get on well, Y/n and I. I enjoyed working with everyone in the cast, but I honestly had the best time with her. Y’know, I don’t think I’ve ever admitted this, but I’m a huge fan of her and her work. It was a huge honor to work with someone who’s insanely talented. She puts so much passion in her work and working alongside her is something I’d like to do again. She’s the sweetest and most caring person I’ve ever met and she never fails to make me laugh, I truly adore her.” Harry admiringly answered, fiddling with the rings that wrapped around his long fingers.

“Harry.” Y/n cooed at him, her heart warming at his little speech. Her hand smoothed his back, lightly brushing past his brunette hair.

Harry sniffed and jokingly wiped an invisible tear from his eye, “Gosh, I’m sorry.” Causing Y/n and Ben to laugh.

“Y/n? How about you?”

Y/n smiled to herself, “I mean he’s amazing. Like he said, we got really close to each other on set and we’ve became the best of friends. It was a joy to work beside him, he brought so much energy to set and was an all around sweetheart. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love him, he’s someone you want to always be around and have in your life. It made me really happy and proud to see him on the big screen because he’s so talented and I wish to see him in more films in the future.” She answered beaming at Harry with a glint in her eyes.

Harry rested his chin in his palm and stared at Y/n with the same look in his eyes, “We should just become a two in one deal and film all our movies with each other.”

“That’s not a bad idea, Styles.” Y/n acknowledged.

“It’s a good idea innit?” Harry looks behind the camera and waves his hand, “Get on that, Jeffery!”

The Apothecary Diaries Episode 3 Review - Ghost Stories

What the heck? Who told me that an episode that revolves around ghost stories would be this good? No one told me this episode would be so emotional and beautiful? I’m shedding tears of joy at the ending of this episode. It was so beautiful. I’m glad Lady Fuyou got a happy ending.

I assumed the episode would be about Maomao making medicine for the episodic issues, but no medicine was created this time around—only speculation and assumptions were at play. I did like how they don’t try to make Maomao create medicines for every issue or so. Some issues like sleepwalking don’t need a remedy and is more of a psychological issue than a physical one. I liked how Maomao suggested that her room be heavily guarded once she recalled several cases of somnambulism back when she was at her hometown. This was when Maomao realized that Fuyou had been faking her symptom the entire time—for the past two years.

There’s also a bit of world-building with how the palace and concubines work. Apparently, there are a lot of concubines and some of them are princesses or daughters of high status families from other countries. It now makes sense why Gyokuyou has a Japanese name while everyone else in the castle has a Chinese name—Gyokyou is from a foreign land. Why didn’t I catch this sooner? The star character of this episode Fuyou is also from a vassal state, hence a woman from a foreign land. For the concubine system, there are different ranks. If one is the emperor’s favorite, then she is a High Consort. Some concubines that the emperor do not touch are either mid or low ranking concubines. High status concubines stay in the palace but anyone under can be given away to another of high status. That’s how Fuyou’s situation was. She flubbed at a dance performance, but it was all a ploy for the emperor to lose interest in her as she waited for her childhood sweetheart to come find her. It’s a rather complicated system as the power of women in the palace reminds me of a corporate office.

Though, my only gripe was that Fuyou was more of the driving force for the episode and not an actual character that Maomao interacted with. I’d like to learn a little more about her before she got her happy ending, but as long as she’s happy, that’s alright.

While most of the other characters took a back seat, I still liked how they were handled in this episode. Jinshi is still the guy HR would hate for his lack of personal space, but he most likely means well as he also probably knew about Fuyou’s situation. I also like how Maomao keeps thinking Jinshi is a male concubine or something. Gaoshun is a cool guy. He asks Maomao to not glare at Jinshi for his master as a degradation kink. Gyokuyou was envious of Fuyou’s happy ending and that makes me wonder if she has someone she loved back home but cannot be with?

I think out of the three episodes, I liked this one the best. However, once I dive into the other episodes, that opinion might change. I still like the episodic format of these stories/cases. What are your thoughts on this episode?

I Say "Sayonara" (Another Level - Installment 6)

Summary:

“I love you, my darling." Her mother hummed quietly. "You’ve been my favorite person since the very first time I saw you.” Tears were falling again, and she squeezed her arms around her mother’s waist tighter. She was too calm for someone who was dying. “Mom,” Rinko whispered, her throat tightening. “Please don’t go. I don’t know what I’ll do without you.” “You’ll be just fine, sweetheart,” she replied, cupping her cheeks and pulling her up to stare into her eyes. The light green reflecting endlessly like a mirror. “You are going to be just fine.” Her smile was warm, loving, even as her eyes were dimming with each breath. “And I’m not leaving just yet.” Liar.

AN: This is still one of my favorites, even though it breaks my heart. Yuzuki is best mom. It's also time to meet Rinko's old man 👀👀

Prev - Seeing Double | Another Level Masterlist | Kiko's Masterlist

I Say "Sayonara" 2011

She felt numb, sitting in the front of the temple, staring at the picture of her mother smiling back at her.

The only person in the world who had always been there. Loved her through everything. Taken how weird she was as a child with every other hardship and shouldered them with a damn smile. A woman with more kindness and love than the world deserved to take from.

Gone.

To never give her a calm, loving smile after a long day. To never give her a gentle kiss on the cheek as she placed a cup of tea in front of her, calling Rinko her precious gem.

No, she didn’t feel numb. She felt empty.

Unable to cry anymore, she’d spent all her tears already when she sat at her mother’s bedside as the woman breathed her last.

When she’d received the call from the hospital, Rinko had turned to Gojo immediately, begging him to warp her to the train station. Offering no explanation and refusing his offer to go with her, she had fought the tears as he pressed his hands together, confusion clear on his face.

She’d gotten to the hospital a few hours later, rushing in to see her mother sitting up calmly in her bed. The smile she’d given her had been deceptive, as if Rinko hadn’t received a call just hours earlier informing her that her mother likely didn’t have long left to live.

Another two days sitting at her bedside, the stubborn woman smiling almost the entire time as Rinko fought the tears in her throat that threatened to strangle her.

The doctors said that her body was shutting down; that they couldn’t give a definitive timeline, but the longest she had was just under a week, and the shortest was just a few hours. By the time they’d called, they said one of her kidneys had shut down, and her liver was well on its way.

With each passing moment, another piece of her mother left her behind.

After three days of sitting with her, watching parts of her stop functioning, her mother gave Rinko a bright smile and grasped her hands in her own.

“Don’t cry, darling,” she whispered, wiping the tears from Rinko’s cheeks. “I’m okay.”

She wasn’t. She was frail and sickly and so, so fragile.

A grossly common cause of death, overexertion. She’d worked so hard when Rinko was young that she’d made herself sick beyond recovery. The hard years caught up too soon.

Rinko had been prepared to protect her mother from curse users looking to make a quick buck, but there was nothing she could do against this. She couldn’t protect her against this.

“Tell me more about what you’ve been up to,” her mother insisted, patting the spot next to her on her bed. “I want to hear about your friends. How is Hime? I haven’t seen her in so long. And what about Ieiri? She was always so sweet.”

Her mother had adored Utahime and Shoko from the moment she’d met both of them. Shoko’s calming presence something that had served to help level Rinko’s chaos. After meeting during their first year, she and Shoko had spent quite a few holidays visiting each others’ houses, Utahime tagging along when she wasn’t working after she’d graduated.

The excitement her mother had felt when she learned Rinko had friends who understood her had resulted in a blinding smile that she would never forget. The shine of her eyes as she introduced herself to them, gushing over how pretty they were.

They were memories that made Rinko’s heart clench.

“Shoko is good,” Rinko replied quietly, smiling when she remembered how Shoko lecturing her was as common as ever. “Hime too. They ask about you a lot.”

The bright smile was back, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she nodded.

“What about your new friends, the ones you’ve made recently?”

There wasn’t too much she could tell her mother about her new friends. She and Gojo had grown close, close enough that she considered him a good friend. But she wouldn’t admit that to him.

Aside from their most recent training sessions, she saw him maybe once a month. Each time, he would grin at her smugly, finding new ways to convince her to stay in his bed when she had nowhere else to be.

But she couldn’t, she wouldn’t, tell her mother about her ‘unconventional’ friendship with Gojo Satoru.

Not the typical friendship, he would always say as he grinned, pressing a gentle kiss to her temple or forehead. Such a contrast to how he would spend the next few hours taking her apart in every way he could.

Nanami was safe though, she supposed-

“I know that look,” her mother hummed, a knowing smile on her face. “You met a boy-”

“Mom!” she’d groaned, giving in and plopping down onto the bed next to her. Letting her wrap her arms around her and kiss her forehead for what Rinko couldn’t help but dread was the last time. “Please, spare me. Don’t let that be one of our last conversations. And I’m a grown woman, if I’d met a boy you should probably be worried.”

“A man, then,” she mused, chuckling at Rinko’s sound of protest. “Tell me about him, darling.”

“There’s nothing to tell,” Rinko mumbled, burrowing into her mother’s embrace. She smelled almost sterile, with all the medicines she was taking now. But there was still the faint scent of fresh linen and red bean paste she knew and loved. “I- I’ve been training harder lately. I already told you that I got the call about passing the probationary period. The person I’ve been shadowing, Nanami, he’s great. He’s strong, a bit uptight. But I knew that before this. Met him a couple of times during school-”

“Hmm?” her mother was smirking now, but Rinko just rolled her eyes.

“Not what you think, mom,” she replied to her mother’s unspoken question. “Nanami isn’t like that at all. He’s all business.”

“And the friend who recommended you for Grade 1?” her mother pressed, her eyes lighting up in triumph when Rinko hesitated. “It’s him-”

“No, mom,” she said, exasperated by her mother’s childish giggle. “Gojo isn’t- he’s a friend. And mom, please believe me when I tell you he’s not someone you would ever want me with.”

He was deranged. But he was proving at every chance he could that he did know how to be a good friend. His honesty was something she hadn’t expected from him, but she appreciated it.

“Gojo,” her mother hummed, her thoughts moving so quickly Rinko could practically hear the gears in her head turning. “He’s the one who almost-”

And there it was, the connection Rinko had been hoping she wouldn’t make.

“When you were in school!” she exclaimed excitedly. Rinko was regretting how open she’d been with her mother over the years. “The one you fought, who you almost beat in a fight-”

“That’s exaggerating,” Rinko snorted, tapping her mother’s arm. “He basically wiped the floor with my limp body, mom.”

“But it was him,” she said, eyes still shining. She was way too happy to hear that her daughter was now friends with someone she was well aware almost killed her as a teenager. “Oh, I remember you saying he was handsome-”

“I most certainly did not!” she gasped, scandalized. The energy her mother displayed made it impossible to be upset, and she couldn’t help but play along. “Mom!”

Her mother laughed now; a real, full laugh that had Rinko grinning with her even as her heart clenched painfully in her chest.

Don’t let this be the last time I hear that sound.

“You like him.”

It was stated once the laughter died out, her mother’s face serious as she searched her eyes.

“I-” Rinko shrugged her shoulders. “He’s okay. He’s become a good friend, surprisingly. But even if I were interested, he doesn’t do that kind of thing. Relationships, dating… He- we’re- we’re friends. He’s a better friend than I expected.”

“You seem happy,” her mother said gently, her smile contagious. “And that’s all I want for you, darling. I just want you to be happy. So whatever that may be, I’m happy for you.”

“I’m gonna be a Grade 1,” Rinko whispered, finally saying it out loud. “Thanks to him. I would never have been able to get this far if he hadn’t pushed for it. That old bastard wouldn’t have let it happen otherwise.”

“Seems like a good friend to have, then,” her mother mused, her hand now stroking Rinko’s hair. “Just be happy, sweetheart. And remember that no matter what, you’ll always be my little girl. My most precious gem.”

“I love you, mom.” It was whispered, barely escaping around the lump in her throat.

“I love you, too, my darling,” she hummed. “You’ve been my favorite person since the very first time I saw you. Even though you’d just given me the worst pain of my life, ripping me open-”

“Too much information!” she cried in disgust, still snuggling closer. “Please, spare me the gory details, Mom. I know, I know, I’m the most painful blessing you’ve ever had.”

“Most beautiful, wonderful blessing,” she murmured. “My biggest joy in life has been seeing you smile. Knowing that you are the incredible woman you are today. I’m so, so proud of you.”

Tears were falling again, and she squeezed her arms around her mother’s waist tighter. She was too calm for someone who was dying.

“Mom,” she whispered, her throat tightening further. “Please don’t go. I don’t know what I’ll do without you.”

“You’ll be just fine, sweetheart,” she replied, cupping her cheeks and pulling her up to stare into her eyes. The light green reflecting endlessly like a mirror. “You are going to be just fine.” Her smile was warm, loving, even as her eyes were dimming with each breath. “And I’m not leaving just yet.”

Liar.

Before Rinko could say anything else, she hugged her tight. Her voice was soft as she hummed the same mindless tune she had whenever Rinko would run into her room in the middle of the night, crying because of a nightmare.

Not an hour later, she heard her mother take a deep breath into her lungs, before releasing it along with what felt like part of Rinko’s soul.

Feeling hollow, Rinko moved from the bed to inform the nurses before pressing a kiss to her mother’s forehead. She’d watched as they moved her out of the room, and then wept in the empty void left behind until the sun had gone down and come back up.

The hollow ache in her chest still wouldn’t leave.

Mourners came and went; each of them giving their condolences, telling her their favorite memories.

Yuzuki Kurisaki had been a special woman.

So many people came to pay respects and wish Rinko the very best. Offering to help with anything she needed.

But they couldn’t give her what she really needed.

They couldn’t give her more time.

They couldn’t bring her back.

Hime had offered to sit with her, to stay. But she’d assured her she would be fine, knowing that her friend needed to work. But she appreciated the offer. More than she could ever tell her.

The last of the visitors thinned out, leaving her alone as she stared at the loving smile for one last time.

A shadow appeared above of her, and she looked up to see her father standing there proudly, hands clasped behind his back.

The first time she’d seen him in years, his somber expression guarded as he took a seat next to her.

“A real honor when Zenin Naobito himself takes a trip,” she heard herself say sarcastically, feeling fury rising in her chest at the sight of the man. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you’re here.”

The Head of the Zenin clan was rarely seen sober, a fact she had confirmed herself the few times she’d interacted with him. But now, she smelled no alcohol on him, his eyes clear and sharp.

“Come to make sure she’s dead?” she asked, clenching her jaw to keep from screaming at him. “Make sure your fucking hit on the ‘no-good whore’ you fucked twenty three years ago was carried out? I hope you already paid those fucks, because they were too fucking late-”

“She was a good woman,” he stated, his voice calm. “Raised an even stronger one, too.”

Compliments from him felt empty. Her eyes narrowed coldly now, his lies tasting bitter in the warm summer air. One of the only other times she’d spoken to him had ended in an argument, a fight, and a threat. If she dared to speak out against them, against him, her mother would suffer.

At least he didn’t have that leverage anymore.

“I was a much younger fool when I said those words about her.” Liar. It was how they’d worded the fucking hit. He continued, his head lowering slightly, “I came to pay my respects-”

“Bullshit,” she spat under her breath, feeling his eyes on her face now. Calculating, narrow eyes that resembled her own so much it made her sick. “You’re here to make sure she’s dead. Too bad, I guess, right? That you didn’t get to be the one to finish the job like you said you would? Had to hire someone else to do your dirty work? Hiding behind your fucking false sense of superiority and pretending you aren’t an evil, heartless, bastard.”

“I hear you’ll be testing for Grade 1 soon,” he suddenly said, changing the subject and she barked out a loud, humorless laugh. “Not surprising you’ve made it this far, but-”

“I should have known,” she said bitterly, her voice straining. “You show up to her funeral to interrogate me about the Grade 1 exam. I should have fucking known.” Pausing, she clenched her jaw angrily. “I’ll get Grade 1, despite everything you’ve done to try to prevent it. And then I’m coming for Special Grade 1. And after that? I’ll show you just how powerless and pathetic and worthless your stupid clan truly is.”

She turned to look him in the eye now, already expecting the void, emotionless expression on his face as he assessed her. Over his shoulder, she saw Naoya standing in the distance. His expression was bored as he looked around, until he met her eyes, a smirk overtaking his face as he waved smugly.

Her fists clenched, the desire to beat him to death surging through her. The last time she’d seen her half-brother in person had been the same day she’d last seen her father, when she was sixteen. The only time she’d been to the Zenin estate, she’d found herself in an argument with the fifteen-year-old that quickly turned into a brawl.

He’d won convincingly, and she’d barely survived. In his young age, even in his limited knowledge of their father’s technique that he’d inherited, he’d almost killed her. Her father has assured her if anything like that ever happened again, he’d make sure her mother paid for it. He made sure to let her know that she was never to speak a word to anyone about them, made it clear that she was a mistake.

Yoshinobu had ushered her off the premises, followed by the taunts of Naoya saying he’d kill her properly next time. The scar just under her ribs served as a fun reminder of how close he’d been to stabbing her through the heart.

“I’ll not let words said while in mourning effect your standing,” Naobito stated coldly. “But remember, Kurisaki, that your status in our world is dependent on your affiliation with us. So I would advise you to be careful how you carry yourself moving forward, Grade 1 or not. Gojo Satoru may have offered a recommendation, but that alone isn’t enough to justify your presence.”

“Fuck. You,” she hissed, feeling her eyes burn with hatred as he stood slowly. “It should have been you.”

“My condolences,” he said, a small smirk on his face as he turned away. “A real shame.”

As he walked away, she forced herself to take a deep breath, trying to remain calm. She wouldn’t disrespect her mother by trying to kill her father and his spawn at her funeral.

Willing the tears away now, she let her head fall into her hands, wiping her eyes angrily. Focusing instead on her breathing, she squeezed her eyes shut.

Sometime later, she felt someone take a seat next to her silently, the familiar presence causing a heavy sigh to escape her lips.

“How did you know where to find me?” she asked quietly, not raising her head. “I asked Yoshinobu to keep it quiet-”

“Shoko told me.” Gojo’s voice was quiet, matching hers, left hand resting on the back of her chair. “You weren’t answering your phone. Even Nanamin was getting worried.”

Since she’d rushed home a week prior, she had shut everything off, avoiding all messages and calls that weren’t urgent.

“Didn’t feel like socializing,” she mumbled into her hands.

He hummed his acknowledgment; she willfully ignored how her body relaxed when he placed his hand on the small of her back, thumb rubbing small circles.

The silence stretched between them, her deep breaths the only sound in the room.

“I gotta admit,” Gojo murmured after a while, a quiet chuckle falling from his lips. “I did not expect to find out who your old man was when I decided to come check on you. I knew he had to be pretty high up in the clan; but fuck I didn’t expect to see Naobito all the way out here. No wonder you wouldn’t tell me who it was.”

She let out a muted groan as he spoke, dread filling her at his words.

“How much did you hear?”

“Enough to confirm what I already knew about him anyway,” he replied easily, his hand switching to rubbing up the length of her back when he felt her tense. “Bad form, even for him, to show up here just to talk to you about the exam.”

Finally sitting up, she gave the photo of her mother another glance for strength before she turned to face Gojo.

“That wasn’t the only reason he was here,” she muttered, seeing that he had opted to wear his sunglasses instead of the blindfold. His black dress shirt and pants fit him perfectly, making him look more like a model than a jujutsu sorcerer. His right leg was bent, ankle resting against the top of his left knee as he stared at her. “He was here because he wanted to make sure she was dead.”

He waited for her to continue, his eyes narrowing above his shades as she spoke.

“Mei found the hit a few months ago,” Rinko continued, facing forward again. “Yoshinobu asked her to keep an ear to the ground for my mother’s name after my recommendation went through.” Letting out a bitter laugh that stuck in her throat halfway out, she forced herself to breathe. “But joke’s on them because she was already fucking dying.”

Her voice broke on the last word, feeling anger coursing through her again as she remembered the smug look on Naoya’s face.

“They came to make sure it was real, to make sure I wasn’t trying to pull something over on them to protect her. Bastards.”

“What else did they do?” Gojo asked, his voice low, dangerous, as she shook her head. “Rinko, tell me.”

She fought the shiver at how cold his voice sounded as he spoke, his order making her tense further.

“The hit on me was canceled within a day,” she said quietly, refusing to meet his eyes. “They realized there were too many eyes on me for them to pull it off-”

“They did what?” his question came out as a hiss, turning his head in the direction they both knew her father had gone.

She understood his anger. It was a blatant act of disrespect to refuse to acknowledge someone he recommended. Both as a Special Grade and as the Head of the Gojo Clan.

He’d likely have been insulted and pissed even had they not grown closer. But now, she could feel his fury pouring out of him. Peaking a look from the corner of her eye, she saw his eyes bright with anger as he pushed himself to his feet.

“Not worth it,” she said flatly, not recognizing her own voice. Her hand had shot out and grasped his arm as he stood. “You’ll just get yourself in trouble. If you go after them now, they’ll just find a way to use it to undermine you.”

Clenching his jaw, he sat back down, his hand returning to the spot on the small of her back.

“Not like you could prove they put the hit out. They’d also have questions as to how the fuck you even know about me, can’t exactly say you’ve seen my records.”

His eyes snapped to her face, narrowing again.

“That’s why you wouldn’t tell me,” he said, watching her grimace. “What’d they tell you?”

When she only shrugged, he growled quietly, leaning forward so he could whisper in her ear.

“What did they tell you?” His voice was still just a hiss. He moved his hand slowly up until it was at the back of her neck, forcing her to look him in the eye. “They threatened you.”

“Of course they did,” she mumbled, trying to pull away. “Why wouldn’t they?”

“You don’t need to be afraid of them.”

She couldn’t fight the scoff she released, rolling her eyes.

“I’m not afraid of them-”

“Rinko-”

“They threatened her,” she hissed, feeling irritation rising. She didn’t want to fight with him, but she knew she would if he kept pressing the subject. “I can take care of myself now. They tried to use her as leverage. Said they’d- said she’d suffer if I pissed them off. But she’s gone now- and I’m not afraid of them hurting me.”

Her voice shook as she spoke, that hollow void in her chest growing wider and wider with each breath. Every few moments, it was like reality settled anew and reminded her that her mother was gone.

Gojo rested his forehead against hers now, his eyes softening as he watched hers crumple in anguish.

“It’s going to be okay.” It felt like an empty promise, but she still nodded anyway. He seemed to be able to tell because his grip on her neck tightened and he stared into her eyes intently. “Rinko, you’re going to be okay.”

He pressed a kiss to her forehead before he reclined in his chair again. His hand stayed at the back of her neck, stroking it lazily as they fell back into silence together.

Finally, he jutted his chin towards the photo of her mother.

“You look like her,” he said simply, something resembling affection in his voice as he turned back to her. “You have her eyes.”

Blinking rapidly to fight the tears again, she wondered if he’d somehow heard her thoughts earlier. How much she hated resembling the Zenin’s eyes.

“Green,” he clarified, smiling gently. “Your smile too. Though, I really only have your bratty smirk when you’re being a menace to compare it to-”

His teasing pulled a small, breathless laugh from her lungs for the first time since she’d felt her mother’s chest fall for the last time.

It was like the laugh broke something within her, and his face scrunched as he seemed to sense the change in her.

“I’m sorry, Rinko,” he whispered, watching the tears jump back to her eyes and fall before she could think to stop them. “I’m so sorry.”

The sob broke out, ripping her throat as she let him pull her into his lap, arms wrapping around her. Feeling his tight embrace only made her cry harder, the tears refusing to stop now that she’d let them free again.

He said nothing, just hugged her close, gently stroking her hair as she let the heartwrenching sobs shake through her.

“I’m going to become a Grade 1,” she whispered finally, her voice rough. Her throat was dry and sore from her sobs. “And I’m going to prove to those stupid fucking assholes why they’re wrong to think I’m less because of her. I’m going to show them how much stronger I am thanks to her.”

“You’re god damn right you are,” he growled in her ear, pulling back to wipe the remaining tears from her cheeks gently. “You deserve that Grade 1.”

“Don’t suppose you know anything about it?” she nudged hopefully. “Nanami just mentioned it’ll be a stronger than-average Grade 1-”

“After your stunt today, sweetheart,” Gojo said quietly. “I have a feeling it’ll be a Special Grade.”

“Funny,” she whispered back, a wry smile on her lips. “I was thinking the same thing.”

-

All About Selena

Selena is a major antagonist in Heaven and Hell War.

Below the cut are mentions of robbing, murder/death, manipulation, and Hell.

Before death

-She was the Raging Damsel, as they called her; hitting up anyone who’d be dumb enough to fall for her “blonde sweetheart” or “country girl bumpkin” personas, then robbing them of all their belongings and making sure they were a mess.

-Even though she lived a life of crime, she had one true love in the entire world: Maverick. Meeting when she tried to rob him, he tried to rob her right back! Then and there, they fell in love.

-One night, she tricked a wealthy man by the name Godfrey into sleeping with her, but they never go to that part when a shoot-off started in the streets. She fled, and she never saw poor Godfrey or his riches ever again.

-That night, she also killed a hooded person who tried to kill her, stabbing his chest with an old axe in an alleyway. Fearing she might get caught, she fled home and pretended nothing ever happened.

-That night also awakened an obsession with death. The more she thought about her crime, the more she realized how much she enjoyed it. She wanted to feel the adrenaline and stress again; so she did.

-She jumped a woman walking alone at night, not only robbing her but also stabbing her multiple times before death took this innocent woman. Fleeing once again, she went home and fell deeply asleep.

-The next morning, she awoke to the news shouting about the death of Dolly Pink; she woman she killed.

-For the next many years, she killed many more people. She was never caught, except by her own dear Maverick. Late one night, she killed a man near her home. Maverick saw this, and was rightfully upset. The two of them argued for hours until she got up and left, walking out into the stormy night, only to be crushed by a building.

After death

-She died when she was 35, when she was crushed by a building when the apocalypse of robots begun, killing her instantly. She has been dead for 5 years, making her 40 years old, going to Hell to pay for her sins.

-She is the librarian of the Afterlife, meaning she manages all the books and helps any soul who may want to find a book. Though, being helpful isn’t her strong suit, so more often than not she is left to clean up after the souls who come into her abode.

-Don’t let her sweet face and graceful mannerisms fool you! She’s very good at manipulation. Although she’s a very strong woman, she hates to actually fight, so she’ll more likely pour her baggage onto other people to deal with.

-She has the power to create black slime creatures to obey her every word. She can’t make too many, though, or else she’ll lose her mind and eventually turn to stardust, or “second death,” “permanent death.”

-Her favorite pastime is reading. She’s usually at her desk reading when she’s not getting into mischief.

-She’s a fox demon. Her enormous black horns and often mistaken for her ears, when in reality her ears are covered by her masses of brown hair. Her fluffy tail is off limits, and if you do touch it, you’ll face the fury of her claws!

-Her eyesight is very poor. She can’t see a thing without her glasses, which is why her face is also off limits, or else a bite is awaiting you!

I love your story 😍😍😍😍😍😍😙😙😙 also is there any interesting facts about the mc

Thank you so much💕💕💕 I can think of a few off the top of my head~

There are so many juicy secrets surrounding MC that they aren't aware of!

For example, as soon as you meet Dante, he is instantly infatuated with MC's soul. He describes it as "so fucking bright it hurts his eyes"

Lilith, who is much more eloquent than her friend, has said that MC's soul makes her feel like "she's a moth, and MC is the only source of light in every possible world"

MC's soul and its powerful aura are something that every non-human notices as soon as they meet them. All of them agree that they've never seen anyone with a soul like that. It almost doesn't feel real given how unique it is.

I'm quite proud of the stat system surrounding the MC! From Chapter 5 (stc) onwards, the stats kind of get locked in, and they provide a variety of different reactions. Like Samurai of Hyuga sorta~

There are a few hidden stats, too. Not to spoil anything but one of them is literally Trauma.

Additionally, I made it so there are many very random details that give MC some flavour. MC can be a smoker, they can be vegan/vegetarian, they can be a huge beer drinker, they can have a preferred genre of music, etc.

MC knows sign language thanks to Josh. Funnily enough, neither of Josh's older siblings knows ASL.

Speaking of Josh, MC has no clue why, but, when they were young children, he one day decided that he was going to call his friend Dot. MC can decide to hate the nickname but I personally find it cute 😭

Their entire character arc revolves around various topics surrounding imposed responsibility and the desire (and need) to live your own life. So, regardless of the different personalities that MC can present, one of their greatest flaws is that, despite themselves, they are needlessly selfless and self-sacrificing (either willingly or like "... *sigh* fine, fine!")

(every RO + MC and Chrissy has their own big issue that they need to come to terms with in order to fulfill their character arc. I'm quite proud of all of them but my favorites are definitely Aliyah and Dante).

MC's parents moved from the West Coast when Dot was very young. They can barely recall any of their life outside of Blackburn, where the first quarter of the story takes place. Blackburn is a fictitious tiny town in Maine.

Dot has an established surname! Warner. So it's (Name) Warner alias Dot and Christina Warner alias Chrissy. The Warner siblings are quite infamous. Everyone in Blackburn knows and pities the two of them. No one has ever reached out to help them, though.

Whereas Chrissy looks like a younger version of her mother, Dot is a carbon copy of their father. If you didn't know them, you wouldn't think that they were siblings.

Even prior to Chrissy's disappearance, Dot is incredibly unhappy with their life. Depending on the trauma stat, this might develop in the MC's depression. Regardless, every character including Dot will have the chance to heal from all their baggage💕

Dot has plenty of reasons to be unhappy. One of them is William, their boss, who hates them for some reason. Dot works full-time as a barista.

That's all I can come up with! It was kinda hard because MC is ultimately meant to be played however you like them to be. They can be needlessly rude, they can be a sweetheart, they can be a dork, they can be a sarcastic asshole... But these facts are shared among all playthroughs!

Hi bender

Your blorbos are traveling and there's storm. They have to stay the night together in whatever place of lodging exists in your world. What is the response of each blorbo?

Hello Sleepy !

I'm going to answer this for Broken Blessings, a WIP set in alt history urban fantasy 2000s (an introduction is coming soon I promise-). so the place they're at is most likely a hotel

Hey is some level of anxious because of the storm. He's not very good around loud noises and bright lights but he will dry his darndest to hide that, mostly by focusing on making sure everyone else is comfortable and settling in well.

Crow is tired from traveling and when she's tired she needs alone time so she will acquire a separate room, even if that involves throwing someone out. She won't be mean to the workers though, they don't get paid enough to have an entire Crow unleashed upon them.

This is Dusty's first time at a hotel and by the God that is them they'll enjoy all the aspects of it. She'll chat up everyone from workers to lodgers, somehow talk his way into having a free meal and an extra blanket. They don't really understand personal space so he'll probably try sharing a bed with Hey to keep their human safe, curling up like a cat and hissing at anyone who dares approach her favorite human.

Agent Falcon and Agent Owl, who are supposed to be Discreet and Secretive, will try to blend in as a couple on a honeymoon but will forget who's supposed to be crossdressing again and end up posing as Mr. and Mr. Fowl (this has happened before). They will attempt to figure out which room is closest to the one Dusty is staying in, hijinks ensue and they end up taking the VIP room Crow has set her mind to kicking the rich sweethearts out of.

Sleepy (the one named after you! His name is Terry but he goes by Sleepy a lot) would be glad to lie down and be unconscious for any amount of hours. He has insomnia and chronic pain and any amount of rest will not go unappreciated by him. However if he and Hey and Dusty are in the same room Dusty will certainly take it upon herself to prove how good they are at protecting their human and try to threaten Sleepy with horrors beyond his imagination. Sleepy is likely to fall asleep to the descriptions of what a deity scorned can unleash upon his mind and body but I don't think he minds. Or pays attention, really. Dusty thinks they're rivals until death but Sleepy hasn't really caught onto that yet.

Weed and Eddie, if they are traveling with the rest, are likely to ask for a separate room. Weed is more social than Crow but he's most comfortable in crowds of two people or less. Also they would feel more comfortable cuddling if they're alone, and Weed needs cuddles at all times always.

God okay so I've been on my Teddy Roosevelt bullshit lately - why? we'll never know - and anyways Death CW, Death in Childbirth CW, and overall just Depressing Teddy Roosevelt Rambling Warning for beneath the readmore but yeah I gotta talk for a second about this bc I can't stop thinking about it

Alright so real talk I've been digging into Roosevelt's journal entries/writings from his time in North Dakota recently and I knew some about why he'd returned in 1884 (to grieve his wife, Alice, who died in childbirth, and his mother, Martha, who had both passed within 24 hours of each other in February of that year) but oh my god... it just gets so much more depressing the more I read.

So I knew that Alice and Martha had both died on St. Valentine's Day, but I hadn't realized that it was the four-year-anniversary of Teddy and Alice's engagement announcement (I say announcement specifically because it took eight months for Alice to finally accept Teddy's marriage proposal.) Teddy self-proclaimed that he'd never had any childhood sweethearts or boyhood crushes, nothing even close to a love affair before he met Alice in 1878, and while I'm not entirely sure I believe him about that, still, when you read the surviving journal entries about her, it's hard to not be convinced. He's just utterly smitten with her, almost enchanted, by the way he writes. "My darling Little Sunshine," "my laughing love," "my sunny faced darling," "a star of heaven," "my little witch of a sweetheart," and a personal favorite, written after a "long and beautiful" walk in Oyster Bay:

"How I love her! and I would trust her to the end of the world. Whatever troubles come upon me - losses or griefs or sickness - I know she will only be more true and loving and tender than ever; she is so radiantly pure and good and beautiful that I almost feel like worshipping her. Not one thing is ever hidden between us. No matter how long I live I know my love for her will only grow deeper and tenderer day by day; and she shall always be mistress over all that I have."

And it's just so clear from the way he talks about her, always, that this rich, goofy, chatterbox of a city boy is just so in love, and he's so young (his twenties!!!) but he talks about wanting to spend the rest of his long life with her, and he even says that he wants their daughter to be born on February 14th, 1884 because it'll be the four-year-anniversary of their engagement.

But then, his journal entry for February 14th, 1884 is just a giant black X, and then beneath it: "The light has gone out of my life."

After Alice dies, Teddy essentially never talks about her again. Not even to their daughter who shares her name (though he'd call her Baby Lee instead of Alice, presumably to not be reminded of her mother.) He rips up most of his journal entries about her, and burns all of their letters. He's twenty-five, and a single father, and a widow, and he's just so utterly devastated, and he's trying to throw himself back into his work but he's starting fights in the courtrooms and he can't sleep at night, and finally, it's like the only thing he can think to do is hightail it the fuck out of New York and return to the Badlands, a region he'd fallen in love with during an initial trip in 1883, and start cattle ranching, full force, full speed, as though he's been doing it all his life.

On February 17th, 1884, Teddy writes, in reference to Alice's death: "For joy or for sorrow, my life has now been lived out.” And Teddy's really not kidding when he says this: he is so eager, even more than he was during his first trip in 1883, to take on this new "real cowboy" identity that he just never, ever looks back to this "first life" of his, and yet, when you parse through all of the hunting logs and general surveys in his journals, you find some of the saddest, loneliest descriptions of the North Dakota landscape imaginable - some of the heavy-hitters:

“Nowhere, not even at sea, does a man feel more lonely than when riding over the far-reaching, seemingly never-ending plains; and after a man has lived a little while on or near them, their very vastness and loneliness and their melancholy monotony have a strong fascination for him.”

“Nothing could be more lonely, and nothing could be more beautiful than the view at nightfall across the prairies to these huge hill masses.”

“I grow very fond of this place, and it certainly has a desolate, grim beauty of its own, that has a curious fascination for me.”

“When one is in the Bad Lands, he feels as if they somehow look just exactly as Poe's tales and poems sound.” *

*** Okay, just gotta say, the image of this young, emotionally-wrecked guy sitting alone in his small, dark cabin, mourning his young, dead wife while also thinking about Edgar Allen "Never Met A Young, Dead Wife I Wouldn't Write A Poem About" Poe... it's almost too much

Anyways, not to be weird about Teddy Roosevelt on main, but it's just like... the first time he went out to the Badlands in 1883, he was this sickly, bookish, snobby city politician, so desperate for Adventure and Romance and Possibility, bright-eyed and determined and so eager to just overcome his fucking asthma, and then, it's only a year later, and this young kid's a young widow, and he's handing his infant daughter off to his sister to run right back to this distant place that's nothing like the posh, privileged life he's always lived, and he throws himself into this new life as though he's trying his best to forget the last one, but for all the cattle-ranching and gunslinger-punching and cow-thief-stopping that he does, still, he's just so overwhelmed by this loneliness, this "melancholy monotony," and this grief he doesn't want to acknowledge... All these journal entries, and still, I just can't imagine what it was like for him in that empty log cabin for that first year. Poor kid.

When it comes to the use of Cris, it just depends I suppose. Basil and Mari needed to be those NPC’s because of their connection and the roles they played with the truth deep down Sunny knows and the lie Sunny believed while dreaming. So Cris could be a type of important NPC but I would suggest doing this only if she is, 1: in deeply tied to Hail’s event that pushed him over the edge. 2: was someone Hail protected or was protected by. 3: provided a sense of security when things first got hard for Hail’s life. 4: Hail might have done something bad to Cris IRL and so he’s extra nice to Cris in headspace to make up for the fact that he messed up. Though you are able to create some good reasons, these were just the first few off the top of my head. You can also have her take the role of consistent secondary NPC, like Sweetheart, the kids at the playground, or similar characters.

Ultimately wholly made up characters allows a little more wiggle room for what personalities are tied to the important NPC’s, where as you have to keep in mind with the how and why the established ones are involved with their lives based on what we know of them, but it’s more up to how they written rather if they are original or a previous characters.

Thanks for the ask!

So Cris could be a type of important NPC but I would suggest doing this only if she is...deeply tied to Hail’s event that pushed him over the edge.

Basically what I had in mind, with her somehow involved in the event that damaged Hail’s right eye; possibly also the direct cause. She’s haunted by her actions all the way into adulthood.

However, at this stage, now she sounds a lot like a Basil clone. I could offset that somehow... maybe by sprinkling in some malicious intent into her actions.

Then again, it might be better if I just made a new NPC to fill that role.

Ultimately wholly made up characters allows a little more wiggle room for what personalities are tied to the important NPC’s

True. I just thought that, since Cris is such a fan favorite despite being such a minor sidequest NPC in OMORI, it would be fun to flesh her out and give her a main story role in OMORI 2 (we know that she went to boarding school, likes oceans, and is a skilled swimmer, but that's about it).

It also helps emphasize that, even though the story is separate from the first game, they’re still in the same world.

2: was someone Hail protected or was protected by.

3: provided a sense of security when things first got hard for Hail’s life.

4: Hail might have done something bad to Cris IRL and so he’s extra nice to Cris in headspace to make up for the fact that he messed up

3 is kind of a given for Hail's entire friend group. As for 2 and 4, I'll consider them.

For now, I'll just stick with what I had originally, with Cris being a main party member.

Gotta slide In here and show you my stupid cats cause I love them and you should too. Hope this makes you smile at least 🖤‼️

The black one is Toothless and he's a complete asshole; he loves to eat plastic, shoe ties and thighs of those who sit near him. Though, at times, he will be nice and suck on the blanket while making biscuits; purring like a train. He's two years old ;-;

The orange one is Atlas, he's an absolute sweetheart! He loves to cuddle 24/7, not destroy things (thats a lie. He loves plastic as well) and suck on your ear if you decide to cuddle him; and yes, he's ripped out my ear piercing before. That shit hurt. He's also 5 months old.

Them together is very chaotic. The house is always loud with their zoomies and making things fall down (picture frames, plants, and at best; my computer screen)

However, my eldest cat (the striped brown one) is named Jakob and is 9 years old; she's the definition of hating the world AND everyone. She only loves me in the household; hissing at everyone else that tries to touch her, pick her up or say hi to her. She absolutely hates the other cats, will full on have a hissy-fit with them if she decides too. But when she's not being rude, she's the bestest girl in the entire world and I love her <333

this made me smile so much holy shit i love your little babies they’re so fucking cute pls boop their noses for me😭😭

and now i feel obligated to show you my cat (that’s a lie i’m always excited to talk abt my baby)

her name is magnolia (named after a former best friend/current kinda friends that don’t really talk to each other but we send each other tik toks sometimes and we’re still nice but it’s not like it was yknow?) and she is 3 years old! the picture on the left is when i first got her when she was roughly 3 months old (in 2019) and the pic on the right is her from just a few weeks ago! her adoption day is nov 1 so we’re gonna have a lil party

she as well loves plastic and eating human food that has the potential to kill her, but she’s also The Most Loving Cat In The World™️. i’m her first favorite person ever and her second favorite person is anyone who gives her attention, and when we sleep, i’m on my side hugging a pillow and she’s on the pillow under my arm so it’s like i’m spooning her 😭😭

(also don’t be fooled by her size, she looks bigger but she’s mainly fur. she’s pretty small for a 3 year old cat yet somehow she inhales food)

Teacher au Phone/Social media hc

-Emerald would have the longest passcode on the face of the planet 😭 she says it’s because she doesn’t want people snooping in her business but in actuality she wanted to be able to use her entire families birthdays in it 🥺4 peoples bdays is kinda tedious to put in all time so luckily she has a Face ID. I hc her as v tech savvy so she has the aesthetic widgets, they’re color coded and themed. Her phone case is clear with polaroids of her favorite people in the back. Intensely keeps Snapchat streaks (even though I really don’t know what those are, the cool kids in high school used to do it) but only posts consistently on Instagram. Half of their high school follows her. Posts lots of selfies and she loves a good photo dump. If her and he family go on vacation, best believe that at least four 15 slide photo dumps will come from that. She definitely knows that her parents stalk her on Instagram so she posts the more wild party pics on her snap. Texts the family group chat every night to say that she loves them even when she’s sleeping in a room a few feet away from them 🥺

-Kendall changed all her socials to private immediately after one of her students asked her about her weekend that she had posted on insta 😬 Has a bulky ass phone case and a screen protector. Insists on having her kids locations services being on at all times. She does the mom thing where she cross posts things from her Facebook onto Instagram. And the pictures are the worst pics of her kids that they’ve ever seen and they’re cropped weird so a part of their body is cut off from the picture every time 😭 Likes all of her kids Instagram posts and comments mom shit like “look at you and your friends 😁 so cute!”

-Synthia has Em do the widget thing for on her phone so she has a cutesy pastel theme 🥰 Her ringtone switches between wind chimes and soft nature sounds. Before she has kids she posts lots of cute selfies and the most adorable photos of her partners (think Synthias actual insta) Her kids are the cutest little babies in the world, trust and believe that she habitually posts throwback pictures of them as they get older

-Gia refuses to let go of their android from 8 years ago, even though both Kendall and Synth has iPhones 😭 it’s on its last leg by the time the kids get old enough for their own phones so to make it easier on the family phone plan, they get a an iphone. But only like an iPhone 5s 🥲 that shit is cracked and it gets hot when they run certain apps for two long. Mostly posts pictures of their art interspersed with pics of their family 🥺 takes forever to answer texts unless it’s their family and will send everyone else to voicemail. Literally checks their phone to see if it’s from their babies, if it is they’ll answer in .02 seconds, if it isn’t they’ll dismiss the text and it’s iffy on whether or not they’ll go back to answer it later😭 Ringer is always off, one of those people who hates the sound. Puts that shit on vibrate and turns it up so it will literally shake a table.

-Jasper’s phone background is him and his mama from her birthday dinner 🥺 rarely posts on any socials. When he does, he’s more of a insta and twitter person. Retweets those corny positivity accounts. He’s such a sweetheart but he’s also really lame, so he’ll randomly post one if his parents with a caption of “love you ❤️.” Three separate posts every parents day and birthday for Ken, Gi, and Synth. Lovingly clowns Emerald on insta for her birthday with the worst photos of her he could find but the most heartfelt caption 🥺 when her location sharing is on he will track his mommy while she’s running errands and text her asking if she swing back home so he can go with her. Just have to add that his new crush Ezra will post after soccer pics of just the two of them with lowkey flirty captions 🤭

These are v spot on I feel 😭Gia with an android is killing me fr 😭😭 also Jasper checking everyone’s locations all the time is so cute 😭 also also I think it’s so cute that u like my aus enough to take time to think about it and write these cute lil hcs so ty 🥹🥹💗💗

would you mind telling me about your ocs? what are your favorite and least favorite traits of theirs? what songs fit them best? what’s their sense of humor like? this might get long lol but i want you to ramble to me

I am answering for Agent Aitch, Victor, Paradox, Raven, and Aseroth because they are my favorite little bastards (at the moment lol)

Agent Aitch (from Another World) (not a little bastard, still a favorite)

My favorite of her traits is her kindheartedness. She's the sweetest person you will ever meet. She lives to help others and will stop at nothing to defend the innocent.

BUT my least favorite trait is her tendency to blame herself when things go wrong. She feels like she should have done more. She's a real sweetheart though and she deserves the best.

Aitch's theme song is It's Time by Imagine Dragons. Other songs I associate with her include Second Chance (Shinedown), Whatever It Takes (Imagine Dragons), Bruises (Train), and Everything Moves (Bronze Radio Return).

Aitch has a fairly NORMAL sense of humor (which is somewhat strange compared to most of my other ocs). It's not edgy or dark, it's not exactly "dad joke" humor, it's pretty down to earth and I suppose probably more ironic than anything else.

Victor Stevens (originally my Cyberpunk 2077 character, but an oc now I stole him and haha age regressed him)

My favorite trait of Victor's is his childlike innocence (well. That's a debatable term lol). He believes that the world is a safe and happy place, bad things just happen sometimes, and that people as a whole are basically good, some just. Aren't. He knows nothing of safety and happiness, or course, but he thinks he does because he doesn't have anything to compare his own life to. He trusts his sister to take care of him and he doesn't really have an innate desire for anything he doesn't have (he does have kleptomaniacal tendencies but it's only ever spur of the moment and also mostly because he has no concept of personal belongings. When he takes things he doesn't consider the fact that they might belong to someone else. To him they are just there).

I suppose my least favorite of his traits is his hotheadedness. He has a one-track mind and never thinks anything through before acting. Though I think that's funny for him it's not really a great trait to have.

Victor's theme songs are You Only Live Once by Suicide Silence and Glitch by Parkway Drive.

Victor doesn't have much of a sense of humor as a child. He tends to take things pretty literally and at face value. As he gets older his sense of humor turns to basically straight sarcasm. But not really in an offensive way (unless you've made him angry). And it's actually funny sometimes.

Paradox (from Last One Standing)

My favorite of Paradox's traits is his conviction that he MUST make the world a better place. Even though that's what lands the entire population in the mess HE made of the world. His broken paradise.

He knows that with great power comes great responsibility but he doesn't realize that he has no right to the power he took over everybody.

My least favorite of his traits is probably his inability to admit that he messed up and turn around. He will fight to the bitter end to fix his mistakes, but HIS WAY, which only ends with him digging himself into a deeper hole. And of course taking everybody else with him.

The song I most associate with him is Bad Liar by Imagine Dragons. Other songs that fit his personality and life story are Viva la Vida (Coldplay), Bright Eyes (Art Garfunkel), Wrecked (Imagine Dragons), What I've Done (Linkin Park), New Divide (LP), Another Illusion (Major Moment), Demons (Imagine Dragons), Me In My Own Head (Beartooth), Dead (Major Moment), Living Your Life Like This (Major Moment), and Nothing Left To Lose (The Alan Parsons Project). Yes I have a whole playlist for him. There's more.

Paradox's sense of humor is in subtlety, irony, and sarcasm. Often at someone else's expense because he can't admit to being wrong.

Raven (from Box Factory)

My favorite trait of Raven's is their determination and courage and unwillingness to back down even in the face of danger, regardless of the personal cost.

My least favorite of their traits is their inability (or unwillingness) to process or feel their own emotions (they just repress them). They're a great listener and give good advice and they're generally happy and outgoing and makes a great friend but they make people worry about them. A lot. Sometimes. The weirdest thing about it all is that they are actually legitimately fine.

Their theme song is Harder Better Faster Stronger by Daft Punk.

Their sense of humor lies mostly in sarcasm (like Victor, not in a rude or offensive way), and irony. They make basically everything into a joke (actually that's probably how they deals with their emotions). Unless it's something that affects others negatively. They take others seriously but are lighthearted and goofy themselves and prefer to be taken as such.

Aseroth (also from Box Factory!)

My favorite trait of his is his genuineness at attempting to fit in with the earth-dwellers while he's on earth (he's a part-time soul reaper who has free access to earth, the afterlife, and the realm between and spends his off time in whichever plane he wants).

And of course his addiction to coffee is always funny. Does that count as a trait?

My least favorite of Aseroth's traits issssss I don't know I love him but I guess I'd have to say his feeling like he should have done more at times because, like Aitch, he deserves only the best.

Aseroth's theme song is If Today Was Your Last Day by Nickelback. There are other songs that could be associated with him but they relate to specific times in his life.

Aseroth has a pretty deep sense of humor, having been around for generations. A lot of the time his humor revolves around things he forgets humans have no way of knowing about. So when everybody turns to stare at him he just shuts up. (After he makes human friends they introduce him to the internet though and his sense of humor probably deteriorates a lot lol)

Ironically enough, one of the things he never jokes about is death. He knows the pain death brings to those who still live and takes it very seriously.

survey #042

“amplify or die, it’s us or them”

Does anyone in your life use terms of endearment a lot when talking to you? Mostly just my boyfriend and mom. Is there anyone that you communicate with daily, but not in person? Mazzy and Tez are closest to that; there are some days we go without speaking in group chat, but I'd say most days there's at least a few messages. Who was the first famous person you recall having a crush on? Jesse McCartney. I see. And which celebrities are you crushing on these days, if anybody? My holy trinity are Markiplier, Richard Kruspe, and Oliver Riedel, haha. Do you prefer hobbies that you can enjoy alone, or hobbies that you can share with someone else? Generally, alone. As a child, what was your favourite Disney movie? The Lion King and Finding Nemo. ^Is it still your favourite? They are indeed. Do you remember the last occasion when you were out and about and "bumped into" someone you knew? Were you glad to see them? I definitely don't remember this. Has anyone ever told you they wanted to marry you? A couple people. If you need a job, will you take whatever you can get? I think I've proven my answer is "no" to that. Are you deathly allergic to anything? No. Have you ever had a mouse in your house? At an old house, yes. Have you ever seen the movie The Notebook? Yes, it's my favorite romance movie (and book). Do you know anyone who DOESN’T have an ex? I mean, maybe. Is anyone you know really religious? Living where I do, most people I know are, sadly. Do you check your email daily? No, I practically never do. Has a laptop ever burned your legs? Yes, actually, to where I had burn marks. Not severe ones obviously and they've been gone for years, but I had 'em. Do you know anyone who has a scar through their eyebrow? I might? Fun fact I've actually wanted this look for years lmao. Have you ever just screamed really loud in an attempt to feel better? Into a pillow a few times, yes. When at a restaurant, do you put your napkin on your lap? Not usually. I only ever did that when we'd go out to eat with my grandmother or something, because she was very serious about table etiquette and all to the point of making us eat fries with a fucking fork lmao. When it comes to dropping food, do you believe in the 10 second rule? Absolutely not. If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? If the animal appeared comfortable and calm, I might. When people you know cry, does it make you feel like crying too? Oh, absolutely. Seeing ANYBODY cry makes me want to cry. Do you prefer being inside or outside? In general, inside because of AC. I am SO incredibly sensitive to what my body decides is even the most mild of warmth, and at least around here, "hot" is usually the case for me when being outside. It's taught me to prefer where there's cool air. I much prefer outdoor scenery, though. Do you think the ocean needs more exploring? Of course I do. Partially for the pure pursuit of knowledge, but also because of how it may help other forms of life, humanity included, so long as it's not purely destructive to do so. Last song you listened to? "Eifersucht" by Rammstein. Who is a celebrity you'd like to hang out with? There's a lot, but on the occasion of this question, Suzie Hanson comes to mind. God I wish she was still active on YouTube (her Monster Hunter World LP is actually one of what I call my "comfort series" to watch), I LOVE that sweetheart of a woman, holy hell. I still follow her on Instagram and REALLY want to buy some stuff from her store one day. She is just so, so, soooo likable like I want to hug her. What flower did you last see? I'm not entirely certain, but I wanna say crape myrtles since those trees are very common here in our cul-de-sac. What first comes to mind when thinking of 10th grade? Jason. He comes to mind first at the mere mention of high school as a whole. What's the scariest thing that's happened to you? The person who was practically God himself in my world saying I wasn't enough and running as fast as he possibly could away from me very suddenly. That night was absolute fucking horror that I did NOT think I was going to live through. Has an ambulance ever came to your house? Twice. How many different cars have you driven? Uhhh two? Three? Idk. Who's the most innocent person you know? Uh, idk. I want to say my youngest niece, but I mean, she's two. It's kinda a given. Do you like all your aunts and uncles? All but one uncle and his wife. They can burn in Hell for all I fuckin care. Would you rather stay friends with exes or not? This depends on way too much. There's no one consistently better answer. How many sinks are in your house? Three. Do you know all your best friend's secrets? I know a couple, but I'm not gonna pry him to tell me all of them, if they exist. Some personal (AND HARMLESS) secrets are imo entirely normal for someone to have and want to keep to themselves. But I reiterate, so long as they are harmless. What's the best game show? Family Feud is great, especially if hosted by Steve Harvey. Who's the kindest person you know? My mama. Her heart is fucking gold. Do you eat fish? No. Have you ever had a cat who had kittens? A fucking shitload growing up. Those cats were smart too, man; they loved finding one way or another to sneak into the house to give birth. I seem to remember my parents allowing the soon-to-be-mother to come in with a carrier if we knew the kittens were coming; despite absolutely contributing to the cat overpopulation + outdoor cats problems, you could NOT say we didn't love them and wanted them to be comfortable. We just got too deep into a problem that we never properly worked our way out of until all our cats were seized in one fell swoop that broke my fucking heart in two. But it had to happen. Do you think watching a birth is beautiful or gross? I don't fucking care what argument you have, birth is fucking disgusting and I NEVER want to watch it. Do you or would you wear apparel with your favorite character from a TV show, movie, or video game? Oh dude I LOVE clothes like that, like it's some of my favorites to wear. What Rock Band or Guitar Hero games have you played? What would be your favorite? Oh jeez, I couldn't name them all, I have A LOT. My favorite has gotta be Metallica's GH edition. What kind of collection would you like to start? RAMMSTEIN MERCH lkjalskdjalkds PLEASE Who do you miss, if anyone? A shitload of people I don't wanna go through. What do you miss, if anything? I want to think of this question even less lmao. How old were you the first time you encountered God? Can't encounter something that's not there. Are you a fast texter? No, because I make a lot of typos that I try to fix. What was the last seriously painful thing that happened to you? Well, this was more emotionally painful than physical, but when I finally fell in the bathroom getting out of the shower. The pain was at its worse when I first tried and failed to get up, like I literally screamed in anger and had to have a complete fucking breakdown on the floor. It was a slap to the face of "hey, your legs are literally dying, and here's the proof." Showers are one of the most painful things I have to do to where I now have to use the other bathroom for the walk-in shower with a shower chair. Would you rather do yoga or pilates or Zumba? Yoga. Have you ever been scammed by a church? Or felt scammed by a church? I will never fucking understand a church's "need" to ask for donations, your well-off asses that don't even pay taxes can take care of their own goddamn business. What does your class ring look like? I never got one. Do you believe in Judgment Day? Nope. Sure hope God plans on judging himself if it actually is a thing. I've NEVER understood religious folk that look forward to this shit, like the description of it is TERRIFYING. I READ it. I GREW UP being taught it would happen and I, a little fucking kid, PRAYED TO GOD that he would wait until I was already dead to enact it because it scared me so fucking much. That is DISGUSTING. You don't fucking teach CHILDREN this. What's your favorite holiday for candy? Uh, idk. Valentine's Day, maybe, because chocolate shaped like hearts, haha. What celebrity has the same body type as you? Idk dude. Can you see spirits? No. I'm not sure if I believe anyone can. What is the name of your YouTube channel? 0zzkat (zero, not an "o"). What was the first social media site you joined? MySpace. What are some jobs people in your family have had? List five. Dance instructor, carpenter, special ed teaching assistant, cake decorator, and radiologist. Which Cheetah Girl was your favorite? I don't remember. Which Spice Girl was your favorite? Also don't remember. Which Power Ranger was your favorite? I wasn't into that. Were you blonde as a child? I was dirty-blonde, yes. If you're not in school, do you ever miss writing essays? ......... Call me fucking insane, but yes lmao. I was good at it. Who's the best photographer you know? My high school friend Shannen, who is actually a professional in I think still New York now. Will you ever run away and get married in Las Vegas with no notifications to either of your family? HAHA no but you just brought back like a core memory of Juan once texting my mother something similar to this regarding me and him, haha. Sometimes I miss that guy, but never enough to wish we'd actually dated. I know there was shit about him I didn't know about. It says a fucking lot when your teacher pulls you aside one day to warn you to avoid him. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? I honestly do. Girt and I are doing great. Have you ever kissed anyone with a tongue ring? No. Have you done anything sneaky lately? No. Is there a certain person that makes you feel safe? My mom and boyfriend do. Do you have a brother? He's technically my half-brother, being from Mom's first marriage, but he's fully a brother to me. I wish he lived around here. When are you most likely to be crabby? When I'm hot or approaching a breakdown. Have you ever contemplated cheating on anyone? Nope. Are you or were you in a hurry to grow up? I was as a teenager. Now it's like... damn girl what were you excited for lmao. Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs? Ugh, yes, when in the ER and at the hospital. They're SO uncomfortable imo, the socks more than anything. Anything in your room that you’re hiding from your parents or someone else? Well my mom knows about it, but I do have something in my dresser because it's not exactly something I'd keep on display lmao. Have you ever replied ”OK” when someone confessed they liked you? No, saying something THAT simple and dismissive is pretty rude when someone's picked up the courage to confess something like that to you... What does your grandma call you? They're dead, they don't call me anything. I'd rather one of them never refer to me by anything again anyway. And what do you call your grandmother? I KNOW my mom's mom was "Grammy" to me, and possibly for Dad's mom too, but idr. I saw her like... once when I was much younger. Would you rather have a pool or a hot tub? Oh, absolutely a pool. Hot tubs can be nice sometimes, but I far prefer pools. Have you ever worn a nipple tassle? No. I've never worn "intimate" clothes, really. Have you ever held a baby chick? I seem to remember doing this at some point? I remember in elementary school, one year we had a chicken egg in an incubator that hatched; maybe it was that one. Have you ever tried coconut juice/water? No. I've only ever heard of people hating it. Have you ever watched The Golden Girls? Oh certainly, I love that show. Did you ever like the Ninja Turtles? Nah. Who would you kiss right now, if you could kiss anyone? My boyfriend. Do you like getting dirty? NO. I HATE the feeling of being dirty to any extent. Are you a very flirty person? No; if I'm flirting with you, it means I REALLY like you. Your best friend has sex with your ex, what happens? Well, my best friend is my boyfriend, who is straight, and I only have one female ex, and THAT is a WILD fuckin scene to imagine, holy shit. Even weirder to imagine because Girt and Sara have actually met; they seemed to get along fine, but I CANNOT imagine them being romantically into each other. Your ex wants you back, but you are in a relationship, what do you do? There's no ex I would take back, so... Last time you laughed your head off? Haha oh jesus, yesterday. I had an ASTONISHINGLY blaring blonde moment at my nephew's bday party and my mom and I died laughing. What’s one thing you actually remember about kindergarten? Throwing up in the middle of class LMAOOOOO Who was the last person you were in a car with? Mom. Was yesterday terrible? No, yesterday was good. It was my nephew's bday party and everyone seemed to have a great time. Most notably for me it was my first time seeing Dad after the movie theater incident happened, and it made me feel A LOT better. My dad has changed so much since I was a kid and he's allowed to do so. Did you wake up before 8 AM this morning? I did. Usually do. When will your next kiss be? Hopefully tomorrow. Girt is planning on coming over, so long as him feeling sick today is gone tomorrow. I really hope he can, we haven't hung out in... what, two weeks? Have you ever truly thought you knew who you were going to marry? Oh, 120%. I coulda bet my fuckin life on me marrying Jason back then a couple years into our relationship. I am pretty confident I seriously have found who I'm going to marry now, but I refuse to let myself ever be so sure until it happens. What would you say if someone told you they were in love with your sister? I mean, it would depend which sister and who the person is that's saying that. Would it hurt you to see the person you last kissed, kissing someone else? I'd be extremely fucking upset. Where is your favorite place to get fries? Bojangle's, hands down. You have not lived until you try them. What was the last food item you ate? A cheeseburger. What is your favorite gaming console? PS2 had the best games, imo. Have you taken a painkiller today? No. Do you have a hyphenate name or know anyone with one? (eg. Carter-Brown) I know people who do, but I don't. How many romantic relationships have you been in so far? Three that I count as truly romantic/"real." Have you ever been camping in the wilderness? No. I think I would like to at least once, but of course when I'm in better shape. Right now I can barely walk five feet without wanting to die. What was the last candy you ate? I had some ADORABLE off-brand gummy bears last night. Idk man their details were very pronounced to where I barely wanted to eat them bc they were so cute lmao Have you ever lived in a house with a pool in the yard? Not a built-in pool, no. Do you have gluten intolerance or anyone who does? I don't, but I knew people. ... I don't mean that like they died btw haha, I just don't associate with these people anymore. Have you locked your front door today? It's always locked unless it's being unlocked to enter. Have you ever fainted? Yep, onto the bathroom floor directly onto my chin so I broke some teeth. I am SO glad I don't remember the moment I hit the ground, because many molars saw hell and the wound I got there was pretty damn deep (I needed stitches). Still have the scar. Has someone close to you died of murder? Yikes, no. Do you cry easily? OHHHHH YES. Did you ever have sex with your ex after you broke up? We never had sex to begin with, so no. Have you ever given up something you really wanted? More than once. Being a photographer was the biggest, though. I haven't taken a "real" photograph in over a year now... Do you recycle? Yes. Thoughts on having sex while having your period? IT is absolutely not for me. Never tried, never gonna. Have you been to the beach this year? No; I haven't been in years. What is your opinion on the Holocaust? Explain. That it is probably the most disgusting, inhumane event in human history and NOTHING like it should ever happen again. I find it INCREDIBLY hard to understand how there are people living who don't believe it ever happened, or worse support the Nazism mentality. Have you spoken to your mother today? Well yes, I live with her.

random romantic headcannons of your favorite total drama character/s go !!

– bat anon 🦇 >:]]

oh hell yeah!! >:)) here's a couple of my favs <3

tdi dating hcs for my fav characters!!

cody (literally my all time favorite i love him):

he's kinda a dumbass

but a lovable one

he panics at any advances you make

he tries to act suave and totally fails

HE DOES THAT THING WHERE HE COMES UP TO YOU AND TRIES TO LEAN ON THE NEAREST OBJECT WHILE MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH YOU AND THEN HE FALLS AND YOU HAVE TO RUSH HIM TO THE ER CUZ HE JUST SHATTERED LIKE 7 BONES AND STARTED SPEAKING IN TONGUES

his love languages are physical touch and acts of service

aka he's super clingy and he does literally everything for you even though you don't need his help

he's a sweetheart :(( i love him

he is the type of mf to not make you a playlist, BUT BURN SONGS ONTO A CD FOR YOU AND USE SHARPIES TO DOODLE ON IT

he loves making little artsy things for you

izzy:

this bitch is batshit crazy and that's why i love her

imagine a calm, quiet life inside a cabin in the woods

okay, now throw that entire dream away

because izzy is so far from calm and quiet

this girl is an OUTLAW

she's always on the run and going on these bizarre adventures (LOL), and she's going to drag her wonderful partner with her

skydiving, jetskiing, face-planting off of a 70 foot tall mountain into a giant pool of cotton candy

you name it, she's going to do it with you

she's also very clingy; even when you're warm, she's going to be hanging off of you like a baby koala

she's bad at expressing her love for you but she makes you feel it through the things she does

she gives you like, awful nicknames

like they're just TERRIBLE but she thinks they're funny and likes the way you cringe when she calls you them

you have gotten called a "pookie wookie boo bear" in front of your entire close family and you still aren't sure if they realized she was being ironic

bridgette:

she's one of the most nonchalant partners you could ever ask for

she's so sweet? literal queenshit

she's a naturally pretty sporty person and she loves to share her passions with people she cares about, so you're going to play sports with her regardless

even if you totally suck, she's going to help you do your best

a sucker for having her hair played with

it literally puts her to sleep

run your fingers through her hair, brush it, style it, whatever

totally hogs the sheets though

loves doing skin care with you

the two of you are going to be sitting on her floor with face masks on while she paints your nails, and there's probably gonna be some shitty reality tv program blaring from a laptop and that's okay

duncan:

he's a risk-taker and a half

he loops you into all kinds of trouble, but intentionally and unintentionally and as duncan's partner, it's something you've gotten used to

he gets you lots of stuff

sometimes he pays for it, other times he doesn't, but that doesn't matter (or so he says)

"babe, are you sure this is safe?" "not at all, would holding my hand help?" "WHAT"

he's bad at words and awkward when it comes to physical affection but he does try

he loves spending time with you, whether it's late-night drives with the music blaring or WALKING through a mcdonald's drive-through

everything is better with you there

and even though he sucks at communicating it, he tries to show you how much he loves you all the time

even if it's not obvious

dj:

so vocal abt how much he loves you

words of affirmation are indeed his shit

he makes you feel so loved and appreciated; you're literally the person EVER in his eyes

and he's going to make you feel like the only person in the world

LOVES paying for like, super fancy outings for the two of you

he can and will find a reason to celebrate every saturday just so you two can go to a fancy upscale restaurant that you really like

he also adores spending time with you outside

just laying on a grassy, flower-covered hill in the sunlight, pointing out the shapes of clouds, or sitting on the porch before dinner as it pours

OH SPEAKING OF FLOWERS??

this man is like, a bouquet connoisseur

shows up to your house on random occasions and gives you flowers

why?

because he can <3

gwen:

WOAH

pretty goth girl <3

homegirl gives you so many snacks? you go over to her house once and you're completely loaded

like she's got a minifridge and everything

she can and will do your makeup too, if you want her to ofc

draws all sorts of pictures for you

she'll give you pages out of her sketchbook, little doodles on your arm, full-blown painted portraits of you, the whole thing

she also writes a lot so you can bet she's written at least 5 poems about you

she's like lowkey clingy? so she definitely texts you A LOT

BUT NOT IN A SCARY "TEXTING YOU 500 TIMES EVERY 10 MINUTES" KINDA WAY

she steals your clothes all the time

and if you're the same size in clothes? you guys are gonna be trading clothes all the time

she just loves dressing you up and buying you stuff she's so cool

owen:

LITERAL SUCKER FOR GIVING YOU THINGS

you're like, the only person he'll willingly share his food with

he also loves making food for you? and he's a really good cook

he's perfectly fine with having nights in the house; just chilling on the couch and watching movies and stuff like that

but he also loves leaving the house

he's a really chill person, and he's super fun to be around too? so while your relationship is pretty lax, it's also super hyper

just literal chaos

his love language is words of affirmations

homeboy talks you up and down about how attractive you are, how great you are to be around, how he wouldn't be complete without you

it's sickeningly sweet and you couldn't ask for anything else

HE PROBABLY TEASES YOU A LOT TOO??

HE'S SUPER TALL SO EVEN IF YOU'RE LIKE, AN INCH SHORTER THAN HIM, YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE BUTT OF "LOL SHORT" JOKES FOR THE ENTIRETY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND ONWARD

harold:

he is such a nerd.

IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE

super awkward but a sucker for intimacy

he does. the same thing as cody where he tries to act suave and then fucks it up

except he doesn't fall over his feet and trip, he falls over his words and then gets embarrassed that he forgot how to talk

so easily flustered

he teases you relentless too, so just look at him in a certain way or something like that and he's gonna be like "oh fuck oh fuck ohfuckohfuckohfuck"

asks to play video games with you, and then kicks your ass

loves loves LOVES listening to you talk about your interests; he's super attentive and the sound of your voice is super comforting to him

he absolutely asks you questions about it too

light in the dark

pairings — avenger!james (bucky) barnes x bff!fem!avenger!reader

summary — in which, she’s been struggling for far too long and bucky seems to be the only one who notices.

word count — 6.0k.

warnings — angst, fluff, best friends to lovers trope, use of pet-names [sweetheart, doll], mentions of trauma, depression, suicidal thoughts/attempts, eating disorder, basically reader just being completely miserable, bucky literally being the most comforting and softest man in the world, mentions of reader being an empath, kisses, lowkey a hurt/comfort fic. also, i ended up leaving this fic with the promise of the reader and bucky getting together at the end, instead of a for sure type of thing, mentions of reader being organized and her stress-cleaning coping mechanism and being a bad liar.

notes — y’all, i know i have a LOT of requests to get through, BUT i haven’t really had any inspiration/motivation and have been having a LOT of writer’s block. soooo... i am writing this, because recently i’ve been literally at my absolute worst—the rockiest bottom ever. anyways, the point is, in this fic, i’ll be talking about some very serious things that i’m now and have been dealing with for awhile now. i also want to say that if you yourself struggle with these things too and it’s a big trigger or a sensitive topic for you, PLEASE, don’t feel obligated to read it. this is really just for me to get my feelings out and try to cope with my super messy life right now and also to show that you’re not alone if you go through any of these extremely important and serious issues yourself. it’s okay to not be okay. anyways, gif and divider creds to owner!

p.s., feedback is very much encouraged and appreciated <3.

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SHE DOESN’T WANT TO DO it anymore — she can’t.

it hurts too much — she knows that all too well.

her mental illnesses were bound to cause her to lose interest in things and to even grow distant and unmotivated to do things.

but, as an avenger? that took even more of a toll on the woman than you’d ever believe.

it most certainly doesn’t help that she’s had to keep all of this hidden from everyone — especially bucky. 

that’s the thing, though.

he’s not just her colleague. he’s her bestest friend in the entire world — the one person that she turns to for almost absolutely everything.

well, maybe not everything.

where her mental state and stability is concerned, he doesn’t have a single clue. and that’s certainly not his fault.

sometimes, people are just really good at hiding the truth.

and [y/n]? she’s practically a master at that particular skill. 

although, granted, it’s not like she wants to lie to him — it hurts her so much to lie to the single most important person in her life.

but, she’s seen so much of what he’s gone through and she just couldn’t bear to be vulnerable with him about her own issues.

that’s why, as [y/n] lazily walks into the kitchen of the compound, she plasters on a mask that only shows her tiredness and grogginess, hoping that no one is quite awake yet, but still playing it safe, just in case — she isn’t completely sure if anyone is out on the couch, or on any of the other very comfortable furniture in the living room.

although, she doesn’t even bother looking in the direction of the spacious room that is the living room.

she’s much more concerned with brewing up some coffee — also known as her favorite drink in the world.

i know what you’re wondering.

you’re probably asking yourself right now, “why in the world would she be making herself coffee with the mental illnesses that she has and especially, when all she really wants to do is curl up in a ball and sleep forever, without ever wanting to wake from that said sleep?”

really, you’d be right about that — usually. 

but, [y/n] is a very responsible person — she likes to be organized and to take care of things. 

although, having these mental illnesses that obviously slow her down and hold her back, do take a toll on her.

especially, when she’s constantly forcing herself to and needing to still be responsible.

and the reason for her making herself some coffee is simple.

what is coffee normally used for?

it’s used by people who desperately need to stay awake, right?

and that’s what [y/n] needs today. 

she especially needs it because her body is always tired and her mental illnesses doesn’t help the repetitive mental exhaustion that she feels every single day. 

and because she likes to take care of her responsibilities, she refused to just lay around all day when her room becomes a complete mess by every passing day. 

everything in her room is all disorganized and everything is really just a trail of different messes — her room is a disaster. 

and she knows that if she wants her friends and family to believe that she’s fine, she can’t just leave her room a mess.

because if anyone saw what it looks like now, they’d question her on why she wasn’t being her normal clean-freak self and the well-organized woman that she is. 

and if that happened? they’d know something is up with her, because she is a terrible liar — they’d see right through her. 

and if anyone can notice or realize right away that there’s something off about her, it’s bucky, most of all — he knows her like the back of his hand.

and that scares her.

that’s why, when she had shifted in her very comfy bed and her eyes fluttered open as a groggy groan left her lips and her eyes caught the mess on her floor, and then slowly the rest of her room, she couldn’t take it anymore. 

she knew that if she couldn’t even shoulder these simple responsibilities — like keeping her room clean and organized — how could she keep the truth from her friends?

so, that morning, she forced as much motivation and positive energy into herself as much as possible and knew that she would get her room cleaned, whether it took all day, or not. 

and here we are now — that’s how she got herself out of bed with a familiar sense of determination that, deep down, she had missed. 

within a few minutes, she’s successfully gotten everything together and started the coffee and moves to sit down on a stool and rests her elbows on the table with her hands holding up her head.

her eyes tiredly close, her big and messy bun nearly towering over her forehead in a crooked stance. 

besides the coffee pot slowly filling up with more steaming hot coffee by every passing minute, there’s not any other sounds or noises distracting her.

after realizing this, a warm smile — one that she hasn’t had for a long while now — makes its way onto her lips, feeling at peace with the relief of being completely alone, for once. 

but, that one blissful moment of being able to let down her walls and just be in the moment, is slowly killed as a throat clearing fills the room.

[y/n]’s eyes fly open in surprise, immediately catching the man before her moving to sit down on the stool across from her.

her mouth opens and closes repeatedly, like a fish underwater.

seeing this, bucky chuckles, his steel blue eyes twinkling with amusement.

“sorry, doll. i didn’t mean to startle you.”

despite his apology, [y/n] awkwardly laughs, feeling caught.

“i—i just didn’t know anyone else was up yet.”

even though he’s her best friend, she really can’t help but feel how she always feels around him — nervous and warm inside.

her heart beats a little bit faster when his gaze suddenly becomes more intense.

it’s the fact that she knows that look in his eyes — it’s the one he gets whenever he can’t see through her and is trying to figure her out. 

in his defense, her walls have obviously gone back up and he can only see the mask she’s wearing — she’s making it very hard for him to understand her in the moment.

but, what he does know, is that something else entirely is going on.

although he can’t quite place what it is, he still worries about her — he knows how she feels like a burden for opening up to others.

in seconds, maybe even in minutes — neither bucky, nor [y/n] herself could say because when they were with each other, time always seemed to slow down — they both become completely lost in each other’s gazes.

but, as the coffee pot starts to suddenly beep, it not only cuts their moment short, but it also shakes [y/n] out of her daze.

she shakes her head, breath hitching in her throat as the barnes man continues to watch her carefully — he’s testing her.

with the chance to distract herself with getting ice in her cup and mixing some creamer in with her coffee, after having poured it in, she stirs everything together. 

then, she takes a few moments to gather the courage and strength to will that same fake smile onto her lips. 

once she officially has her mask placed back on her face, she turns around with her cup.

although she smiles, the happiness doesn’t quite reach her eyes — this is what concerns bucky the most. 

but, before he can confront her, she’s murmuring something about needing to get back to her room and rushing up the stairs and back towards her bedroom door. 

—————

THE NEXT FEW DAYS ARE much more confusing for bucky. 

after he noticed that there was something off about [y/n], he couldn’t stop thinking about the possibility that she’s hiding something from him.

he literally spent every waking moment of his time paying a much more closer look to her and her actions.

and eventually? he saw it — the very thing she’d been hiding for far too long. 

it really was hard to figure it out — like it or not — because [y/n] had spent so much time perfecting her acting and how she carried herself when she wasn’t alone. 

and worse than that?

it broke bucky to realize that even he, her best friend in the entire world — who knows her the best — couldn’t even notice that something was different about her, this entire time. 

what he has noticed, though, was the little things.

like how she’d barely talk to anyone anymore — even during missions. or how she’d barely leave her bedroom. or how he could now see right through her fake smile now.

but, the moment that she walks into the kitchen again after that day, the rest of the avengers — including bucky — are there. 

as she walks in, the dark bags under her eyes and the messy clothes is the first thing they all notice.

steve and bucky turn to face each other with the same concerned expression. 

[y/n] stops in her place, her eyes widening in shock — she didn’t expect to find anyone in the room at that point. 

and in truth, they probably wouldn’t have been in there — waiting for her — if it weren’t for bucky’s concern and worry over her. 

and trust me, he feels extremely guilty for consulting them and bringing them into the situation.

but, at this point, he didn’t know what else he could do.  

“h—hey, guys… what’s going on?” she stutters out, already becoming extremely nervous about them finding out the truth. 

bucky frowns as wanda steps forward in concern for her friend — he knows [y/n] hates confrontation.

the ex-soldier’s eyes drop to the ground as steve cautiously watches the exchange between wanda and [y/n] happen before their eyes.

“[y/n]... is everything okay?” wanda asks in a gentle voice, but it’s no use.

because, despite the fact that wanda only has good intentions of helping her friend to get better, it was the wrong thing to say to her — so wrong.

[y/n] cocks her head to the side as her eyes widen in shock.

she laughs disbelievingly, before shaking her head in further disbelief. “are you actually fucking kidding me, right now?” 

as she spits out the words, wanda gulps nervously, seconds before steve steps forward and gently leads her back to her place beside natasha. 

“you want to know if i’m okay? well, i want to know if you guys are okay, because clearly something is up if you are acting like this!” the worked-up woman exclaims breathlessly, not being able to help but get defensive with them. 

although getting her frustrations out is helping with letting out her anger, [y/n] can’t help but feel bad.

these people are her family — people that she loves with all of her heart and would literally die for. 

but, she also feels so mad at them.

i mean, how could they question her like this — acting like they all of a sudden care about her well-being — but not have noticed any of her off behaviors before, when it first started? 

it made her feel so hurt to realize that she had to be acting out for her to finally be noticed. 

“doll—” bucky begins to say, stepping forward in slow, hesitant steps, after noticing her unshed tears beginning to become noticeable. 

but, [y/n]’s had enough. “—no, bucky!” she exclaims in an uncontrollable sense of burning anger she’s never felt before in her entire life. 

bucky freezes, his eyes widening in shock at her tone of voice. 

even [y/n] herself becomes surprised at how angry and upset she sounds.

but, she doesn’t let them see it — she doesn’t want them to see how utterly weak she feels. 

taking a deep and calming breath, she turns away from her best friend and faces the rest of her so-called family, more tears clouding her [y/e/c] eyes.

“you guys are supposed to be my family! but what kind of family doesn’t notice the agonizing pain that one of their family members is in?” she questions as her voice wavers in utter heartbreak — something that she can’t believe she feels in this moment. 

she heaves in a deep breath as every one of them begins to feel consumed with an overwhelming amount of guilt and regret.

but, no one feels the same amount of concern and guilt that bucky feels over her.

he steps forward once more, already knowing how alone she must feel right now. 

“[y/n]—”

his voice comes out in barely a whisper, his heart panging painfully at her hurt expression as she struggles to look any of them in the eyes after what she had just blurted out.

but, she was bound to snap at some point. especially, with how she was holding everything in.

in that moment, she barely hears her best friend say her name.

everything just slows down and all she feels is the heaviness of the pain she’s going to have to carry by herself for the rest of her miserable life. 

her bottom lip trembles and she jumps, snapping out of her numb daze as bucky’s touch on her shoulder and gentle look in his eyes startles her. 

“n—no. please… buck, just don’t. just leave me alone… ” she murmurs in anguish as her voice painfully cracks, before she’s backing away from him and rushing to run up to her bedroom. 

in any other situation, bucky would probably have listened to [y/n] and just gave her the space she asked for.

but, not in this situation.

not when his best friend is going through all of this by herself, with no one showing her the support and love she deserves.

and even though she hurt him — and the rest of their teammates, too — he knows, deep down, more than anyone that the second she’s calmed down, she’s going realize of what she’d said in her moment of anger.

and that? that would be good for her because she’s always been sensitive when it comes to feeling things.

what i mean by this, is that the team likes to say that being an empath is her superhero powers because of how deeply she feels things.

it’s always been one of the things that everyone loves about her the most — not the feeling the negative things so intensely, but the way she finds the good in everyone, no matter what they’ve experienced or done.

in the moment, as [y/n] races up to her bedroom, bucky hesitates to go after her — he wonders if he should wait awhile before going after her. 

wanda — noticing his hesitation and his thoughts — steps forward with a concerned look on her face.

the moment [y/n] had backed away from them all, her thoughts had not only become destructive, but they also became suicidally reckless. 

“james, i know you must think that leaving her be is the right thing to do. but, it isn’t,” as wanda’s concerned look only becomes more intense, bucky turns to her with confusion placed on his face. “i read her thoughts. she’s going to do something she’s going to regret — if she’s by herself. you’re the only one who can stop her.”

“what makes you think that i’d be the only one to stop her? everyone here is just as close to her as i am.” bucky states furthermore, still not understanding why she didn’t suggest steve or natasha to go after her — they’re just as close to [y/n] as he is.

the witch rolls her eyes and glares at the man stood before her.

“barnes, are you an idiot? you are her best friend — she trusts you the most. she needs you, not us.” she states slowly, hoping that saying it like that will help him make more sense of it and shake himself out of his confused state and go after the woman he’s so helplessly in love with. 

tony steps forward, deciding to make a joke out of the situation, rather than insult bucky, even with their rocky past and history, “barnes, just get the hell out of here, before one of us sorry dumbasses realizes what she just said about all of us.” 

bucky stares at him with an annoyed stare. 

with a sigh, steve steps forward, rolling his eyes at his friend’s terrible pep-talk.

“what he means, is that you have to go after her. we all know how you feel and it’s quite clear that she feels the same.”

even as he hears those words, bucky finds himself in denial.

although he’s been doing a lot better, he can’t see [y/n] feeling the same feelings — the same angsty, intense feelings — that he has been carrying for her for so long. 

he sputters, bringing up his hands through his short hair in wild stress, “i—i can’t just go in there and confess my feelings! she’s going through something painful and we all know how intensely she feels things.” 

steve places a hand on his buddie’s shoulder, understanding the sense of panic and fear and rejection consuming bucky.

“i mean, what the hell am i supposed to do, steve? there’s no way she loves me like that. what if i say something wrong?” he asks — more to himself than steve.

steve chuckles.

“buck, it doesn’t matter if you say something wrong. i’m guaranteeing that this is all going to work out the way it’s supposed to. besides, what’s important is that she knows that you’re there for her — she can’t let us in and open up with us, until she does it with you.”

as he hears his friend’s statement, bucky pauses for a moment, suddenly finding some clarity in his advice. he’s right, isn’t he? 

but, that’s not what he’s thinking about in this moment.

what he’s thinking about is of the countless moments that [y/n] was always there for him when he was having nightmares, despite going through her own issues.

even when she was struggling with loving and accepting herself, she always seemed to have time for him.

especially, when he’d try to push her away, [y/n] still made him aware of the fact that she’d always be there for him.

and now? it’s his turn to do the same for her.

with that single mindset placed in his head, bucky takes a deep breath, before walking off in the direction of his best friend’s bedroom. 

the moment [y/n] is finally inside her room, she slams her door shut and slides down it.

breathless sobs and gasps leave her as she fully sits down against it and covers her mouth to mask her pain from the others. 

all that goes through her brain is, what could she have done differently that would’ve made it seem like everything was fine? 

i mean, there had to have been something that could’ve helped her keep everything hidden from her family. how did they figure it out? 

[y/n] doesn’t know for sure what exactly everyone knows, but she does know that they know that something is up.

it was clear from the moment she had walked into the kitchen and had caught the concerned looks they all wore.

but, before she can freak out furthermore about this small little conclusion, there’s a soft and gentle knock on the door.

“doll?” bucky calls out in a soft murmur, trying to do his best to make her feel safe with him. 

[y/n]’s eyes go wide in both shock and surprise, trying to surpress the gasp that so-desperately wants to escape her lips.

but, despite not wanting to face him, she surprises herself when she stays completely quiet. 

every time she had always been around bucky, when things had been hard for her, it was so easy for her to open up to him. 

but, for some reason, she’s able to ignore her heart — in which, is telling her to open the door and open up to him about what’s really going on. 

her breath hitches in her throat when she hears him grunt and move to sit down against the other side of the door. 

when bucky doesn’t say anything else, [y/n] sighs, staring off into space. 

it almost feels like hours as they both sit in silence.

and even at one point, bucky’s so quiet — he’s waiting for the right moment to talk to her — that she assumes he’d already left when she heard the front door shut. 

if only she had known that that was just the rest of the team leaving because they had decided to give both her and bucky some space.

not only had they left because it was quite obvious that things would get messy when bucky would have his conversation with [y/n], but also because it was only going to get more complicated and intense because of the fact that bucky is just as in love with her as she is with him. 

because of the fact that [y/n] had assumed her best friend had finally left her alone, it was fairly simple for her to become much more calmer, before beginning to stand up. 

but, the second she opens the door, bucky almost falls through the threshold, causing a shocked grunt to leave his body. 

she inhales sharply, mentally scolding herself for not making sure that he had actually left.

even as it’s too late to avoid him further, [y/n] doesn’t hesitate to back away further inside her room and go to slam the door shut.

but, at this point, bucky has already gotten up from the ground to confront her.

so, before she can quite actually slam the door in his face, he places one of his feet in between the door to keep it from shutting completely.

“doll, we have to talk about this.” he murmurs in a wavering tone of voice, the hurt and concern clear in it.

bucky places his hands against the wall right before where the door meets it, leaning his body forward as he tries to stay patient. 

there’s a part of him that’s not only upset at [y/n], but also angry at her for keeping something from him that’s so obviously hurting her.

but, he also knows that it isn’t fair to her to be angry at her for struggling by herself — he can’t blame her for being the type of person that hates burdening people with her problems and issues. 

as she hears the hurt in his voice, she stops, freezing in place.

tears begin to cloud her eyes as she realizes of how much this entire situation has hurt him.

it hadn’t occurred to [y/n] that she was hurting anyone else, while she was hurting herself.

and hurting bucky? that had never been her intention. 

the only reason that she had kept all of this to herself, was because she couldn’t bear to burden him.

i mean, he’s been through so much, and he’s still struggling to accept himself as a good man. 

but, hearing the pain in his voice?

it’s almost as if a switch goes off inside of her and suddenly, the stubborn mindset that she’d been listening to for god knows how long dissipates into nothing as she slowly pulls the door back and reveals herself fully.

as [y/n]’s red, teary eyes and her shallow breaths become much more obvious and visible to bucky, she bites down onto her bottom lip and glances straight down to the floor. 

seeing this, bucky sighs.

“oh, doll. c’mere,” he murmurs, before walking through the doorway.

before he can quite get to her, she puts a hand up in the air, motioning for him to stop. 

she shakes her head, struggling to let go and to let him in, instead of pushing him out.

“james… ” she trails off in a trembling tone of voice, the fear of hurting him or letting him in breaking her in this moment. 

hearing her call him by his first name brings a flutter to his heart.

this is mostly because of the fact that bucky absolutely loves when she calls him james. 

there’s just something indescribable about her calling him james.

it makes him feel noticed, like she sees him as the real him, not the person that hydra created. 

but, the flutters in his heart doesn’t last very long because of the fact that [y/n] only ever calls him by his first name when the situation is serious or whenever she’s feeling pretty sappy and affectionate towards him — i know that second part sounds romantic, and it kind of is, but bucky doesn’t know this. 

and now, bucky knows that this is hardly a sappy moment between them, so that leaves it to being a serious moment.

“sweetheart, it’s okay. you can trust me, i promise.” he murmurs, taking another step forward, not wanting to overwhelm her further.

after all, this is the closest he’s ever gotten to her letting him in — especially, most recently. 

she shakes her head again, the war going on inside her head becoming so hard to fight that she harshly turns away from him and heaves in a breathless sob as she wrings her fingers into her already snarly and messy bun of hair.

“i—i can’t… ”  

with a sigh, trying to keep himself from worrying about her more, bucky slowly and cautiously walks up behind her.

“[y/n/n], please. you need to talk about this. if you don’t, it’s only going to get worse.” 

another trembling sigh leaves her as he gently places a comforting hand on her shoulder.

she jumps — only slightly — before strictly reminding herself that it’s only him — only bucky.

within a few more minutes of just calming silence between the two, [y/n] forces herself to turn around to face him, and tries her very best to ignore the intrusive thoughts overwhelming her darkened-by-the-minute-mind. 

bucky’s hand stays placed on her shoulder as he gives her a soft look — one that distracts her with the butterflies and fluttering of her heart. 

she sighs softly, frowning as she tries to find the words to explain what she’s feeling.

because in reality? there really isn’t any easy way to explain the complicated things she feels and thinks on a daily basis and how it affects her every day. 

as she opens her mouth, though, bucky moves his hand to her cheek, cupping it.

then, he interrupts her, “why don’t we go out to the kitchen and we can make some lunch? then you can try to tell me what’s really going on?”  

although the thought of eating food suddenly makes her super nauseous and like she could throw up in that moment, [y/n] nods silently and follows him out of her room and down the stairs to the kitchen.

as she glances into the living room, after hearing the shocking silence, bucky chuckles as he starts to pull out some peanut butter and bread.

“the team left a little bit after i went after you.” he explains as she nods in acknowledgement, but still, wears an extremely nervous expression. 

she finds it hard to believe she’s even considering telling him what’s going on.

she never does that.

not even with him.

she used to, but not recently — the trauma she’s gone through over the years has brought her unhealthy coping methods.

the moment bucky finishes making them some sandwiches with chips and places them in front of her on a paper plate, [y/n] gulps nervously as she avoids looking up at him — she hadn’t told him about her eating disorder.

“doll? are you not hungry?” bucky’s muffled voice from eating his sandwich snaps her out of her nauseous state. 

she glances up at him, with the same nervous expression.

“i—i’m fine, bucky.” she whispers, trying to ignore the unshed tears that are now beginning to cloud her eyes.

bucky sighs at this.

“well, you don’t seem fine. and you’ve also been lying and saying you’re fine when everyone knows you’re not. so, sorry to say this, but i just don’t believe you right now.” 

she stays silent, before finally pushing the plate away from her as she glances away from both it and her best friend.

because of the overwhelming emotions she’s beginning to feel from everything that’s going on, the tears finally drop, causing her to quickly wipe them away.

“doll, you gotta talk to me. i know something’s going on and honestly? it’s scaring me. i need you to be honest. i know it’s scary because you’re not like that, but i promise you, everything’s going to be fine.” he says, suddenly getting up and standing in front of her as she moves, so that her body is facing away from the counter now, too. 

you hear that? you’re scaring him. wouldn’t it just be better if you did everyone a favor and left, so that they won’t have to deal with you being a constant burden? 

that negative voice in her head echoes in her head, but she refuses to listen to it. 

for some reason, she finds some will power to tell that voice no.

she will never kill herself, just to end the pain — it will only hurt bucky.

and she can’t do that to him. no matter how much she’s suffering. 

“buck… i never told you this — any of it. but, things have been different for awhile. i don’t know how or when, but they just did. and it’s been really hard for me.” she starts off, not daring to look at him as she tries to find the words to describe what she’s been feeling all this time. 

after hearing her begin to explain herself, bucky grabs his chair and moves to sit in front of her, patiently waiting and giving her that look that always makes her feel safe with him. 

“i can’t explain it, really. but, all i can say… is that i’ve been really struggling with my mental health — there’s this cruel voice in my head that’s darkened things for me and it’s made me feel really negative about myself to the point of where i feel like everyone would just be better off without me around anymore.” she whispers, wincing when a sharp intake of breath is heard from bucky.

“doll… ” he whispers, but she holds up a hand, interrupting him, “that’s not all. i’ve just been really also struggling with my anxiety. and the other thing that i never told you is that i have an eating disorder — i’m anorexic. i can’t stand the smell of food or the taste of it and it makes me sick to my stomach — that’s why i refused to eat earlier.”

bucky’s speechless as he looks at her in shock.

all he can think is, she went through all of this, without anyone to help her? 

“w—why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, tears now forming in his own eyes as she fidgets nervously with her fingers, scared he’ll yell at her, or get angry with her.

i mean, he has every right to — at least, in her head he does — when she kept all of this a secret from him for so long.

but, he doesn’t.

he simply grabs her hands and holds them safely in his own, trying to give her some kind of comfort — enough to give him an answer. 

[y/n] takes a deep breath as her eyes stay placed on their joined hands.

“i… i was scared of how you’d react — you and the team. i know you guys would never judge me, but some deranged part of me feels like you guys are constantly judging me and secretly hate me. it’s why i feel like you all would be better without me in your lives.”

“doll, you know we can’t survive without you — and i mean, everyone. we wouldn’t last a day without you. you’re the whole reason the team is so good together — you’re the glue that keeps us held together. you know that, don’t you?” he murmurs seriously, scooting closer to her so that he can tuck a single strand of her hair behind her ear. 

as she looks up at him, her breath gets knocked out of her when she sees the look of adoration in his eyes.

“buck… ” she whispers, tilting her head.

“y—you really mean that… don’t you?”

“of course i do. i’m always here for you, no matter what happens.” he states softly, almost getting lost in her hopeful eyes.

then, as if he can’t control himself, he glances down at her lips, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with this sudden compulsion to risk their friendship and kiss the hell out of her.

“james… ” she trails off, she herself glancing down at his own lips — his lips that look so damn inviting.

and before he can think, he slowly leans forward as he lifts his hands to hold her head in his hands and presses his lips to hers.

her eyes flutter shut, and everything stops for a moment — all the thoughts, all of it. 

the kiss itself leaves them both breathless and more in love with each other.

when he pulls away, he places his forehead against hers and breathes in deeply.

“sorry.” he whispers, but she just giggles.

“you’re apologizing for kissing me? am i that bad that you can’t imagine us sharing a kiss?” she giggles out into a teasing tone, but some truth still hidden behind it. 

“of course not!” he exclaims a little loudly, offended that she’d think that. 

[y/n]’s eyes go wide at the volume of his voice as his own also widen in realization as he sighs and chuckles a moment later.

“sorry. i just mean that i don’t get why you’d think that i’d not want to kiss you.” he mumbles in an embarrassed tone of voice.

with a sigh, [y/n] nods.

“i’m sorry, too. i hate that i always need to be reassured that people actually like me or aren’t going to abandon me.” she murmurs as they pull away from each other, before bucky moves to stand up and lifts his hand up in the air, waiting for her to take it.

she furrows her brows in confusion.

“what?” she questions, tilting her head to side in further confusion.

bucky rolls his eyes at her cluelessness, before looking back down at her with a pointed glance. “you and i are going up to my room and we’re going to talk things out. it’s what you need, and at this point, i’d rather you talk to me and no one else than you not talking to anyone at all and suffering by yourself.”

after hearing those words, a soft smile makes its way to [y/n]’s lips.

then, she sighs and places her hand into his as he lifts her up to stand in front of him, before leading her up the stairs to his room.

the moment she walks into the room, a sense of safety and calmness takes over her, immediately washing her of the darkness she had felt only minutes ago.

she smiles at the realization that the darkness hadn’t followed her into bucky’s room.

and she knows exactly why.

even when [y/n] hadn’t told bucky everything, she always felt safe with him.

and that is still true in this moment — more than ever, even. 

and a freeing smile takes over her current one as she realizes more as she steps through the door that bucky is her light — he’s the bright light that leads her through the darkness and into eternal happiness.

maybe she isn’t fully healed from what she’s been through and how she’s dealt with it recently, but he’s the light that’ll help bring her back to life, slowly, with time.