#(I’ve also been doing a lot of home improvement these last few days) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

myfictionaldreams · 9 months

Text

Winter Soup // Mafia!Stucky x F!Reader

Summary: There was no better feeling than a bowl of hot soup when you're feeling unwell and, what's even better is when it's delivered to your door every day by your new guard. It tasted amazing and you could always trust everyone in the Mafia... right?

Requested by: @senjoritanana thank you so much, I hope you enjoy all the angst!

A/N: PSA I don't know the specifics of how poisons work and didn't want to risk it on my google history lmao so please ignore any inaccuracies. Please read the tags if you're affected by near death experiences, please proceed with caution and if I've missed any tags/warnings, please let me know!

Warnings/Tags: 18+ readers only, hints of smut, angst (LOTS BUCKLE UP), fluff, polyamory relationship, poisoning, blood and injury, anxiety, crying, begging, near death expierences, reader is injured, pain, emotional hurt/comfort, hospitalization, protective Steve Bucky and Sam, everyone needs a hug tbh

Words: 7.7k

my masterlist 📚 AO3 Link

The warmer months were slowly starting to shift into winter and for some reason this year, the weather change was beginning to affect your health. You’d heard of the phrase ‘seasonal depression’ but you were convinced that it was due to the cooler weather that was making you feel this rubbish.

It had been happening for a week now, and some days you��d feel fine, normal in fact but then others your chest felt so tight as if an elephant was sitting on top of you, nausea, vertigo and heart palpations that would have you clutching your chest with fear you might explode. With each passing day, you would be praying for the summer months to return, especially as the snow and ice increased with intensity outside of your home.

You were fine for the most part, good days and bad; yes you might be getting worse with each passing day but you were adamant that the seasonal illness would pass. However, the frosty weather was also a minor blessing because it was your excuse to stay home and be a pretty housewife for Steve and Bucky. Being able to stay home made it easier to keep the illness to yourself as well, it was a busy time within the Rogers mafia and you didn’t need them wasting their time fretting over your wellness when they had a lot of other things to do. They had many international deals that were so close to being signed for and contracted that every waking hour was spent at the office, on phone calls, and emails, trying to talk to locals across the world to attend meetings on their behalf so the boys were thoroughly busy.

There were a few occasions you’d attended with them to the office if you were feeling particularly needy or lonely but it unnerved you to drive on the snow and ice so when you suggested that you might stay at home, Steve and Bucky offered no complaints.

At home at least you were able to mop about, trying to perk yourself up with movies, pyjamas and your favourite bowl of warm soup. Over the last few months, you’d been trying to improve your cooking skills, especially to impress Steve who usually cooked for three of you. This became more interesting as the colder months drew in over Brooklyn as this meant you could cook more homely, hearty foods such as soups and stews, especially as you had recipe suggestions from the newly hired grounds guard Rafael.

He’d been recommended by a friend of a friend for Steve to hire which was perfect timing because the last grounds guard had retired. There were a few occasions when he was the guard to bring the post to the front door from the front gate and you soon found he was enthusiastic and easy to talk to, even though he was a little bit older, which was how you found out he had previously been a chef and offered to give you recipe ideas. As winter drew in, Rafael began turning up when he knew you were by yourself to deliver some of his momma’s family recipe soups, hoping that the meal would perk you up which it did, they tasted so delicious that you were secretly hoping he would keep bringing them to you, especially as you continued to feel unwell.

“What is it today?”, you asked voice full of hope and trying to sound as upbeat as possible. Even though you were desperately holding onto the door handle as your head was spinning and scared you’d fall over.

“Potato and leek soup and they’re all grown in my back yard so hopefully you’ll love it even more than usual”, Rafael smiled as he handed over the container, his smile broad and causing the aged creases at the corner of his eyes to deepen.

Gleefully you accepted the soup, opening the lid slightly to smell the delicious meal, your stomach grumbling with hunger. Your appetite had reduced significantly over the last few days due to always feeling nauseous however it seemed the only thing that you could stomach was his delicious meals and therefore his arrival was always welcomed.

“Thank you so much! Please will you let me pay you this time? You’re being way too kind to me, always giving me free meals, you’re going above and beyond a usual guard”, you pleaded whilst also having to return holding onto the door handle as it felt like the ground was moving with your dizziness.

Rafael held up his hands and shook his head, taking a step back, “Absolutely not! Just wanted to give you something to make you feel better and make the fairies go away”.

The guard halted, a look of embarrassment passing out his features as he realised what he just said, especially as you asked, “Fairies?”

He awkwardly looked down at his shoes, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to explain, “Yeah it’s just something my momma use to say. If we were feeling unwell, it’s because the fairies had crept into our stomachs and were being naughty and making us ill and now I’ve said it out loud to another person I’ve realised how insane that sounds so I’m going to stop talking”.

You squeezed your lips together to try and contain your laughter but that lasted a moment before you were both laughing which only turned into you losing your balance against the door and swaying to keep yourself upright. The laughter died in Rafael’s eyes as he reached out to you, “Woah, you ok, Ma’am?”

Quickly brushing him off, you took a step back into your home, trying to ask nonchalantly about the situation, “Yeah sorry, probably just the fairies pushing me over”. Your joke didn’t seem to comfort him in any way as he continued to look uneased by your appearance.

Thankfully Rafael didn’t push the situation any further, seeing that you wanted to escape back into the comfort of your home, he took his step back with a simple smile. “Get back inside before you catch another cold from this snow. Eat the soup whilst it’s still warm and I’ll be back tomorrow to hear the verdict on the taste.”

“Thank you Rafael! Enjoy the rest of your day!”. You waved him off and rushed to slam the door, sliding down to the floor against the wood, losing all energy that you’d built that morning just for that one conversation. Ok yes, you were feeling sorry for yourself as you tried to catch your breath, heart pounding violently in your chest that it also echoed in your ears and your vision was still seeing double of everything.

However your stomach continued to gurgle with hunger so without wasting any more energy, you opened the lid and ate the entire contents then and there. Releasing a satisfied sigh at the delicious meal, you took another couple of minutes to gather your senses before dragging yourself over to the living room, collapsing onto your back on the couch and letting sleep take you into a dreamless realm.

A violent shake of your shoulders by a hard grip on your shoulder was what startled you awake as Sam’s voice then surrounded you as he shouted, “Hey! Wake up!”.

“I think this is the first time I’ve ever been close to hating you Sam Wilson”, you croaked before coughs shattered your chest, rocking your body as you tried to sit up and suck in any air between the painful coughs. Finally, you calmed down enough to collapse back against the decorative cushions of the couch and open your eyes to look at the three Sam’s that hovered over you. After a couple more blinks, they merged into one, very distressed-looking bodyguard, eyebrows knitted together and jaw muscle clenched harshly.

Sam reached towards your face, pressing against your cheek in concern, “Why didn’t you tell me you were ill?”

“What? I’m not ill, I’m just tired, can’t a girl nap around here?” you questioned with a raised eyebrow, trying to look as relaxed as possible.

The man didn’t look convinced as he sat on the edge of the couch next to you. Releasing a heavy sigh which only twinged something in your chest that made you want to cough but you refrained from doing so as you emphasised, “Sam seriously, I’m fine”.

Sam gave you another serious glance, eyes hardening as he explained, “You didn’t sound fine, you were wheezing so hard in your sleep I thought you were going to stop breathing”.

There was no denying the panic that filled your heart and would explain the tightened feeling in your chest but you tried to not let the fear show on your face as you rolled your eyes, reaching for his hand and squeezing it.

“I appreciate your concern Sam, but I feel ok, I’m just tired, I was probably just sleeping in a weird position and look, no wheeze now!” Taking a deep breath to show there was no more noise coming from your chest, however, it didn’t seem to comfort him in any way.

“Yeah well you’re still looking peaky and why are you so tired all the time recently, you’re never usually like this”.

“It’s probably just the cold weather or something. If I start to feel unwell, you know I’d tell you. I’m a big baby when I’m ill, you’ll be the first to know”. Sam looked to be contemplating believing you and all you were silently begging for was that he didn’t call Steve and Bucky, they just didn’t need this stress right now. Even though it was in his contract to call them at any sign of injury or illness but as Sam looked at you, other than looking tired, you seemed to be fine and still joking with him. Finally, he gave you a simple nod and you couldn't hold back the thankful sigh. “Do you mind if I go back to sleep for a little while longer or do you need me for anything?”

“You’ve been sleeping a lot recently”, he stated his earlier point again.

“What, so I’m not allowed to nap now?” you teased him with a subtle smile, hoping to crack his worried exterior. It only half worked as he shook his head to himself, standing up and pulling the fluffy blanket that had been left behind you on the couch and throwing it over your body. Before you could even thank him though, sleep had stolen you back into its resting state.

Sleeping for a few more hours, Sam was nowhere to be seen but he usually liked to check the perimeter ever so often and speak to the other guards so you weren’t worried about his whereabouts. As you shuffled to the kitchen, you couldn’t tell if you felt any worse or better after all the sleeping, haven’t wasted another day feeling sorry for yourself, you tried to snap out of it by glancing through the refrigerator and cupboards and deciding to ssurpriseSteve and Bucky with a romantic meal.

The house was soon filled with delicious scents of sweet and savoury as you’d baked and were in the process of cooking their dinner. You were in your own little world and had only stumbled a handful of times with dizziness and the headache that was building was currently mild in comparison to others you had, it was fine you determined to yourself

Still lost in your own thoughts, you hadn’t even heard the front door open as you were suddenly enveloped by a muscular chest and arms, a smile aching your cheeks as you nuzzled back into Steve’s body. His lips danced over your cheek and down your neck as he held you close, the roughness of his beard comforting. “I didn’t hear you come in”, you commented, turning your head slightly to chase after his lips, sighing deeply in your chest as he held you tighter for a second, hands dipping beneath your shirt at your waist so that he could feel the warmth of your skin.

“I did shout”, he revealed whilst moving back to neck, not to kiss but just to smell you in, his body almost melting into the floor as he felt at home with the familiar scents. “I’ve missed you”, he whispered against your skin.

Goosebumps instantly flooded over your body as you shivered, turning in his arms to hug him properly, your fingers scratching through his hair that was beginning to curl at the ends where he’d allowed it to grow out over the winter months. “I’ve missed you too”, you whispered against his lips, lazily kissing and breathing each other in.

“Come with us tomorrow, I want you to be near me”, he admits with words that were making you cling to him harder.

You wanted to say yes and the word was on the tip of your tongue but then your thoughts drifted to the soup coming. “I’ve got a delivery coming that I can’t miss, I’m sorry”.

“The guards can get the delivery”, he counters.

“It’s fresh soup I want it whilst it’s hot”, an embarrassed smile finds its way to your lips as he leans his forehead against yours, his eyes closed as he just enjoyed the moment of the two of you being together.

“Soup? But we could order that to the office if you wanted it, you know that’s no issue”.

You pout dramatically, hanging off his neck as you whisper with a childish tone, “But it won’t be the soup that I’ve ordered and want”.

Steve rolls his eyes but you know he's being playful, he could never find a reason to be upset with you. Rolling back his shoulders, he stands back to his full height, opening his eyes to cup your cheek with his massive hand but this was when he took you in and a frown dawned on his face just like it had on Sam’s. “Are you feeling ok?” The hand on your cheek moved towards your forehead, expecting to feel a temperature but it felt normal.

“I feel great”, you say with as much cheer in your tone as possible, still holding onto his neck but mostly because another wave of dizziness had rushed through you and you needed some support to stay standing.

Steve didn’t seem convinced, “You just … look a little off”.

You playfully rolled your eyes, similar to how he had just done, “Wow thanks Steve”.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that”.

“I know, I’m joking, I’m fine - really, it's nothing to worry about”. He eyes you and doesn’t fall for your grin so you tried your next trick up your sleeve. Leaning on your tip toes whilst pulling his face closer, you whispered against his lips, “I love you, Stevie”.

The tension momentarily eased from his shoulders as his grip around you tightened, “I love you too”.

“Sorry to interrupt your love fest but I want my own loving”, Bucky broadly announced from the entrance of the kitchen where he was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, a twinkle of mischief in his blue eyes however as you pulled back from Steve and he could finally see your face, the happiness seeped from his face. “Woah, what happened? Are you ok?”

You gave a frustrated huff, finally releasing Steve’s neck as you pointed in the direction of the decorated table. “Right, both of you go and sit down before I decide you don’t deserve any food for being mean”.

Steve shuffled away first as you continued to cook the food, Bucky looking ashamed as he came over and kissed your cheek but before he could pull away, you quickly captured his lips in a kiss to show you’d been playing before and weren’t upset.

“Why are there only two plates on the table?” Steve questioned as he took a seat.

Without looking over your shoulder at him, you casually answered, “I’ve already had mine, I wasn’t sure when you were both going to be home and I didn’t want to wait”. They both seemed to accept your lie and you happily sat with them as they ate, asking about how the deals were going. They both seemed to be agreed that they were sure to have contracts signed tomorrow and had even been able to pay off some of the international police so that shipping of the goods could occur. In truth, after the soup, you were not feeling at all remotely hungry and even the smell of the cooked food had turned your stomach over.

A couple of hours later, the three of you were preparing for bed. Steve is in the middle and you are to his right and Bucky is to his left. You and the mafia boss had been kissing deeply for a couple of minutes, his hands beneath your shirt, brushing against your breasts, rough fingertips peaking your nipples as you ground down on his thigh. You were soaked and he could feel the evidence of it as you weren’t wearing any underwear but the longer the touches and kisses went on for, the more you were feeling unwell.

As his teeth tugged on your bottom lip and he began to trail open-mouthed kisses over your jaw and down your throat, you noticed Bucky was doing the same thing but to Steve’s neck from behind. However, there were two Bucky’s instead of one as your vision swayed and it felt as if you were on a water bed with how unsteady you felt. The headache was close to a full-blown migraine as well now which only continued to make you feel nauseous so even though there was nothing more you wanted than to continue where this intimacy was leading but, for once, you had to stop it.

“Wait, just- just one moment”, you pushed against Steve's shoulders at the same time. The blonde's hold on you loosened as he moved his face back to look into your eyes but you’d closed them, trying to hide your face from him and Bucky who had also sat up further to check on you. “I just- sorry I’m tired and I… I’m not sure- sorry.. I don’t think-”.

Steve’s fingers tipped your chin up to look at him as he smiled softly down at you, “If you don’t want to do anything, we don’t have to. If you’re tired then I’ll just hold you close, ok? Please don’t apologise for not wanting any of this”.

You relaxed in his arms, feeling grateful for him but also bad that you could feel how aroused he was against your stomach. “Thank you. I’m just feeling so tired today. Please don’t let me stop you both, continue without me, I just want to go to sleep”.

“You don’t have to give us reasons why you don’t want to do it, baby, we’ll do whatever you want to do. Me and Buck don’t have to fuck if you want to be held, I don’t want you thinking we’re neglecting you”.

Affection and love warmed your heart as you kissed Steve’s lips and then reached over his shoulder to kiss Bucky. “I love you both but seriously please continue, I like watching you both anyway so that’ll satisfy me enough if I’m not asleep by that point anyway”.

They both gave their love back to you with praises and pecks to your face before rolling away from you and beginning their exploration of each other's bodies. You watched with a smile on your face for a couple of moments and your core ached with need but as a burst of pain pounded through your temple, your eyes shut automatically to help ease the pain and from there, they never opened again as sleep took you soon after.

The next morning, your migraine had gone but your entire body felt weak and drained of any energy. Steve and Bucky took one look at you and determined that they’d be working from home, wishing to remain near you but they still needed the comfort of their home office upstairs whereas you remained downstairs, pretending to watch TV.

Somehow, you had continued to hide your seasonal illness, they just thought you still looked peaky. Today was the worst you’d felt so far, even having to use the wall as support whilst walking around the home, silently coughing into cushions so that the boys wouldn’t hear upstairs and this only increased the sharp pain shooting through your chest.

At lunchtime, Sam came over to visit and found you at the table in the kitchen, head lying against the table top as you dipped in and out of sleep. You were too tired to even pretend to joke and thankfully for once he didn’t pester you with being unwell, especially knowing Steve and Bucky were home, he assumed they had seen how bad you were so he just sat next to you at the table, easing his hand under your head so you had some comfort against the hard surface.

Soon after, Rafael knocked on the front door with your soup delivery. Usually h,e would stay at the door, never coming into your home but Sam insisted that he come out of the cold and deliver the soup to you in person.

“Yay!” you croaked, reaching out for the warm container, seeing the soup within and seeing that it was a deep red colour today, possibly tomato.

“I didn’t know you cooked, Rafael”, Sam noted, taking his seat next to yours once more as the new guard stayed standing at the head of the table. Other than Natasha, Sam was the lead of the security and guards and technically Rafael’s boss.

“Oh yeah, he used to be a chef”, you explained to Sam, whilst opening the lid of the container, smelling the delicious food and confirming your theory that it was tomato soup.

“Chef? I didn’t know you worked as a chef”, Sam remarked with a frown, eyeing Rafael with confusion as he’d been the one to complete the job interview and didn’t remember seeing chef on his CV.

Rafael casually shrugged his shoulders, looking somewhat tense at the questioning but still forced a smile to his face to please his boss. “I didn’t think it was relevant to the job, to be honest”.

“We’ll have to get you on the bbq when the weather perks up, maybe that’ll stop the arguments between Steve and Bucky”, Sam mused over the thought.

You tried to chuckle but the exhaustion had you slumping against the table as you mumbled, “I feel like shit”.

Sam tensed next to you, “Maybe we should call a doctor. You know, I’m surprised Steve and Bucky aren’t down here right now looking after you, do they even know how bad you’re feeling today?”

“Wait, they’re both here?” Rafael asked Sam but he ignored him, his focus solely on you.

Once again you’re too tired to think of an answer and shrug your shoulders, turning your head to look up at Rafael, “I think the fairies like me too much”.

“Fairies?”, Sam questions thinking that you’d become delirious.

You smile genuinely to Sam, reaching to tap his shoulder, “Inside joke Sam, keep up”.

There was no further discussion of fairies as more hacking coughs ripped through you. It took a couple of moments and Sam rushed to get you a glass of water before you slumped back against the table in exhaustion.

“Why don’t you have the soup and then see how you’re feeling later? Maybe the rest is all you need”, Rafael suggested, filling the silence with his voice.

You couldn’t see it but Sam gave his employee a scathing look, “Rest is all she’s been doing. I’m calling the doc and then I’m going upstairs to tell Steve and Bucky”.

“Aren’t they busy?” Rafael continued to question Sam. “I’ve heard they’ve got that deal coming up from Italy and France, they might appreciate it if you wait a little bit before calling Doctors”.

Sam’s voice was quiet and stern but you were too tired to notice. “That’s not common knowledge, how do you know that?”.

Massaging your temples with the pounding thuds that hadn’t stopped since your coughing fit, you decided that Rafael was right, usually sleep made you feel better. Reaching for the soup one more, you opened the container as you addressed your bodyguard, “he’s right Sam. I just need today for all the work stuff to be over and then I’ll call the doctor. The boys don’t need any distractions, especially today, one more day isn’t going to kill me”.

Sam didn’t look happy as you began to idly sip on the thick, delicious soup. As you thanked Rafael for the meal, Sam finally looked back to him, his frown deep and unmoving as he asked, “Don’t you have work to do?”

Rafael’s spine straightened, “Oh yeah, right. Sorry, sir” and with that, he left to return to work.

“You don’t have to be so bossy you know, he’s just trying to help”, you tried to reason with Sam.

However, your friend ignored you and moved to hold your hand to pull your attention away from the meal and towards him. “I’m giving you until the evening, wait no- if you get any worse before the evening, I am calling the Doc, no arguments, understand?”

“Yes sir”, you say with a little salute.

Finishing your soup, your boyfriends finally came downstairs and you attempted to straighten your posture and plaster a fake smile on your face. Bucky paused in the entryway, sniffing the air and asking, “What’s that smell, I know it's from somewhere but can’t put my finger on it”.

“Is it my soup?” you say, trying to stand up and act like the floor was spinning beneath you.

“No, it’s not that”, he pondered, still looking around and trying to smell whatever he recognised but couldn’t pick it up again. Steve and Bucky both walked past you, kissing the back of your head as you casually explained that you were going to lie down for a little bit. “Wait, let me come with you-”, Bucky started but you held out your hand to stop him.

“You’ve got a busy time at work and I’ve got Sammy boy here anyway so you two continue with your work and we’ll have a nice evening in, Ok?”

“Yes Ma’am”, he mutters before continuing to make his lunch. It wasn’t often that he listened to your instructions but both men were so busy and overwhelmed with work and the consequences that could come from it all that they were all over the place.

The next hour passed by slowly and you didn’t manage to sleep even for a moment because your symptoms were making you feel so awful. You were wheezing so bad that each breath felt like you were suffocating, your eyes began to roll with how much the room was spinning and a violent tremble rocked through your entire body, you didn’t feel right, something was wrong and it was beginning to scare you.

“Sam?” your voice was nothing more than a rasping whisper but he still was able to hear you from where he had been on the phone with the doctor from across the room, having noticed your deterioration in health. He was kneeling by your side in a couple of broad steps, the phone balancing between his cheek and shoulder as he rested a hand on your temple, feeling your spiked temperature. “I don’t feel good”, you admitted, voice full of terror before more coughs ruptured through your chest, leaving you struggling to breathe.

“Steve! Bucky get down here right now!”

“No… no, I just need to sleep”, the fear had disappeared from your voice as you wished for the exhaustion to take you completely, hoping that in sleep you wouldn't feel the pain destroying your insides.

“Hey! No! Don’t go t sleep, need you to stay awake for me, Doctor Banner is on his way but you can’t go to sleep”, Sam urgently tapped your face, rousing you from the sleep as Bucky had all but jumped down the entire flight of stairs at the shouting.

“What’s going on- What the fuck? Doll?” he replaced where Sam was so that he could continue to explain to the doctor what was happening.

“I’m just not feeling ok, it’s fine Bucky go back to work”, you were somewhat delirious, still not really opening your eyes but leaning into the coldness from Bucky’s hand as he cupped your face. Bucky looked to Sam for answers, his eyes bright and alert with fury and worry.

When Sam shrugged his shoulders, not having any answer as to why you were suddenly so unwell, Bucky quickly turned back to you and assessed your deteriorating health and noticed just how laboured your breathing had become. As he spoke, it was with surprising gentleness but still held authority, “I need you to take a deep breath for me, honey, I want you to try and fill your lungs with air”.

“I’m trying, it’s just seasonal illness, it’ll be ok”.

“What are you talking about?” Bucky asks, not letting go of your face but just moving in closer.

“It’s just seasonal”, your words began to slur as you became incoherent.

Steve finally descended the stairs with just as much purpose as Bucky as he demanded to know what was going on but Bucky couldn’t answer him as he continued to talk to you and keep you awake. “It’s not seasonal, you’re not breathing properly, it’s not-”. Bucky was leaning so close that he was able to smell your breath and he froze, it looked like he now wasn’t even breathing.

“What is it Bucky?” Steve demanded, kneeling next to him and reaching over to take your hand but also feel your pulse, which only made his own increase with worry.

Bucky leans closer and smells your mouth again, so close that you tried to move away as his nose nudged your lips. “What did you eat?” Bucky asked in a tone that forced your eyes to open with concern.

“Huh? Um just my soup”, you say whilst blinking quickly as he still wouldn’t come into focus.

“Soup? Where is it? Where’s the container?” before you could answer, he was on his feet and running into the kitchen as Steve continued to demand answers from his boyfriend, his hand now moving from your wrist to directly over your heart, continuing to count the beats.

Bucky cursed so violently that it actually made you shrink into the cushions but the movement only made you cough more and chest tighten as you struggled to breathe. He returned to the room, his face a deathly white and green shade as he uttered just one word: “Hemlock”.

There was just one brief second where not a body in the room breathed or even moved, one single second to process the poison that Bucky had spoken, the planet that he only knew about because of his time as the Winter Soldier and using it on his target. The poison that he could now smell on your breath, that originated from your container of soup.

It was Sam to speak first, Sam to snap the two men out of their frozen states as he gave the orders from Doctor Banner who had heard the word over the phone. “We need to get her to a hospital right now”.

Steve picked you up, and his entire body began to tremble with adrenaline and fear as no one even stopped to properly dress for the snow outside, only putting their shoes on before rushing to the car. Sam thankfully was able to use the adrenaline to remain headstrong as he climbed into the driver’s side of the car so that Steve and Bucky could both hold you in the back seats and try and keep you awake.

You were lying with your head in Steve’s lap with your body lying across Bucky’s as they clamped their arms around you as makeshift seatbelts. You had heard the word that Bucky had said and even though you knew what it was, you didn’t want to believe it, even as you continued to feel worse. “It’s not poison, it’s just soup”.

However, those words triggered something within your throat and once more you were coughing so hard that you thought you were going to vomit and cringed as metallic warmth filled your mouth and leaked out of the corner of your lips.

You slumped onto Steve and Bucky, head lulling back but Steve was quick to grab your face, tapping it and forcing you to stay awake, “Baby don’t go to sleep! Please stay awake for me! Stay with us, we’ll be at the hospital soon, I promise”.

You were scared, even though you were half-conscious, you were terrified now realising the severity of the situation, knowing that you were coughing up blood which was now soaking the front of Steve’s shirt and hearing how panicked your boyfriends were only made it worse. Through all the scary, dangerous times in your life, they always remained calm and in control but now they were both frantic and frightened.

As all three men continued to plead with you to stay awake, you forced yourself to open your eyes, only allowing yourself the luxury of blinking occasionally as you kept looking into Steve’s ocean-blue eyes. With his body and face so close to yours, you used him to ground you in the situation, trying to copy his breathing which had slowed since you’d opened your eyes; ignoring the pain from the breaths and resisting the urges to cough even though blood continued to fill your mouth.

“Am I going to die?” you whisper, not being able to ignore the questions now in the back of your mind anymore.

Steve’s breath hitched for a second before he tried to confidently whisper, “No, you’re not going to die”.

You didn’t believe him, especially as the trip to the hospital was delayed by the snow, every second feeling like it could be your worse, you didn’t want it to end like this.

“I love you.”

“You’re going to be ok, just keep looking at Steve, keep breathing”, Bucky pleaded, squeezing your freezing cold hand.

“Please, just say it back”, your voice was hardly audible anymore as your mouth was so full of blood.

“Stop talking and save your energy for when you’re feeling better”, Bucky tried to keep his composure but you knew he was close to snapping.

Your breaths were wet and laboured, wheezing so violently it rattled and echoed around the car but you still managed to plead, “Say it back-”.

“I love you, I love you so fucking much, please don’t leave me, baby”. Steve snapped first, his eyes were wide, fearful and yet beautiful with how stark the blue was as his eyes filled with tears, leaking down his cheek and into his beard.

You were thankful, for both of them, for everything and you wish you could have told them, wishing that you could have heard Bucky’s own declaration of love and adoration for you but the pounding of your heartbeat became so loud in your head that you couldn’t hear anything anymore.

But you continued to hold on, never once looking away from those pretty eyes of Steve’s as Sam finally screeched to a halt outside of the hospital. Once more, Steve carried you and there was a flurry of people in different coloured scrubs suddenly surrounding you as you were placed onto a cold bed.

One moment you were staring into Steve’s eyes and the next you were looking up at a stranger and the comfort you’d once felt, the thing that was grounding you to life was now gone and you couldn’t find him again, no matter how much you moved on the bed, even as the strangers poked and prodded at your body until you couldn’t deal with it anymore and finally closed your eyes.

Do you ever have those naps where you wake up and forget where you are, or what time or day it is? That was currently how you felt except the added sensation of floating encompassed your body as well. The only sort of normality felt throughout your body was a cool feminine hand stroking across your temple in a soothing, repetitive manner.

Your toes wiggled firstly and then your eyes behind your eyelids and even though you knew who was stroking your forehead, you still croakily asked, “Steve? Bucky?”

“It’s just me Sugar” Natasha sounded calm and peaceful as her fingers didn’t stop with their soothing motions. “The boys are going to be so pissed that you’re awake before they’ve got back”.

You huff and dared to open your eyes, grunting at the brightness of the room but thankfully your eyes adjusted and only one, still, Natasha smiled down at you. Seeing that you weren’t going to vomit or freak out, Natasha sat back in her chair, moving to hold onto your hand to give you some comfort. “You gave us a real scare”.

You thought back to everything that happened, some of it was a blur but most of it still played through your mind like a horror movie that you couldn’t look away from or escape. “Was I really poisoned?”

There was one thing that you appreciated about Natasha and that was her blunt honesty, not one to ever sugarcoat her words, “You were”.

“But… But how? I mean… the soup, Rafael, he wouldn’t-”. You stopped yourself talking, trying to envision all the interactions you’d had with him but only one thing repeated through your thoughts: Don’t trust anyone. That was one of the first rules Steve had taught you. “I don’t understand why? He seemed so nice to me, is his name even Rafael? Was everything a lie?”

“That’s what they’re just finding out. Apparently, the friend of a friend rouse was made up including his credentials, usually, our background checks are very thorough but he had some help to slip through the cracks”.

“Do you know what help he had? Who it was, I mean?”

Natasha for once seemed to think before she spoke which unnerved you, knowing that whoever’s name she spoke next wouldn’t be good news.

The monitor displaying your heartbeat began to beep as it increased with the dread that was settling through your body.

“All signs are currently pointing to Pierce”.

Your eyes closed as you tried to remember how to breathe. You knew about Alexander Pierce. Everyone did. He was ruthless and had plenty of finances and power to pay for his success but not only this, he had been one of the top employees of Hydra and usually in charge of the Winter Soldier. So yes, you all knew a lot about Alexander Pierce and his name was one to send fear through any of those involved in the Rogers mafia, even Steve.

As you opened your eyes again to look at Natasha, you could tell she wanted to tell you more but was holding the information to not panic you further but you needed to know. “Please just tell me whatever it is you’re not telling me”.

“We think he paid this guy to come and spy on Steve and Bbucky and it seems he put his sights on you. Specifically.. Because you’re their biggest weakness and it seemed like everyone knows that”.

Your face warmed with fear and anger, as fear prickled the corner of your eyes, “So what, now I’m not even safe in my own home?”

“That’s not-” Tasha began to lean forward in her seat but another voice cut her off.

“No, you weren’t safe in your own home”. Steve stood at your hospital room door, dressed casually in a black shirt and jeans, looking nothing out of the ordinary but his face was wrath of calm and anger. Your eyes snapped from him to Bucky who had looked just as serious but as your eyes connected with his, the hard lines of his face smoothed out into a weak smile.

The two of them step into the room as Natasha stands, informing everyone that she’d give us some space and guard the door.

You’re trying desperately to keep the tears at bay, to keep them from slipping and cascading down your cheeks, not wanting your boyfriends to feel any more guilt but as you took a deep breath in, a sob erupts through you and you can’t keep the emotions back anymore.

You attempted to hide your face with your hands, even with the added difficulty of having tubes and wires attached to the backs of your hands and the tips of your fingers. The realities of everything that had happened began to destroy any hope that you had. You’d nearly died, in your own home where you were supposed to be most safe.

Steve and Bucky sat on either side of your hospital bed, moving silently as they always did and with careful ease, gently took a hand each and pried them away from your face, stroking away any tears that continued to escape.

“I’m sorry, I just- I don’t know… It’s a lot”, you tried to give reason for your crying, even though it was unnecessary. Bucky tilted your face towards him, his voice was so soft and caring that it nearly made you sob with how careful he was being with you, “Don’t apologise for crying, I tell you this all the time, Doll”.

You offered him a wet giggle, taking a few deep breaths before rambling on with your anxiety, “I bet I look like a right mess right now, I don’t even know how long I’ve been asleep for”.

They let you calm yourself down before Steve praises with his low captivating voice, “You always look beautiful, no matter how much snot is on your face”. He smiles as he manages to make you laugh before he turned serious, “It’s been 5 days, baby”.

Your face drops, “5… I’ve been asleep for 5 days?!”

“You passed out when we arrived and when they could finally stop the bleeding you-”

“Bleeding?” you questioned, remembering you were bleeding from the mouth but it didn’t seem like that much.

“The poison you’d ingested that day was a higher dose and caused internal bleeding. After they were able to stabilise you, they needed to detox you from the poison and make sure your body was healing so it was safe to keep you asleep”.

You tried to process everything that Steve had told you, it felt confusing for you to have been through so much and yet feel such little pain in your body.

As if reading your mind, Bucky once again captivated your attention as he asked, “How are you feeling? Are you in pain?”

“No I’m not in any pain but I feel wrong like my body is floating in the water or something”.

“That might be due to the medications that they’ve got you on, they’re pretty strong Sweetheart”, his pet name helped to calm your disorientated mind, clinging on to the familiarity and focusing on the way both of their hands were holding yours and stroking tiny circles in your skin,

“Did you get the answers you wanted, from Rafael, or whatever his name is”.

Steve and Bucky shared a glance between each other but Steve decided to be the one to answer. “We got the answers, it was as Nat was explaining. Pierce wanted someone in the gang, spying and getting as close to us as possible and I guess they somehow managed to weasel their way in and tried to succeed with their plan to hit our weak spot”.

You took a deep breath to try and reduce the rising anxiety in the pit of your stomach before asking tentatively, “So what happens now? With Pierce I mean.”

“That’s a problem for another time, just need you to get better first”, Bucky interjected, lifting your hand to kiss the few fingers that were attached with clips or wires.

You tried to smile at him, wanting him to know how much you appreciate him but the feeling never met your eyes and this seemed to twist something in Steve and Bucky. Both of their demeanours changed, no longer were you looking at just your boyfriends but also the mafia boss and his second in command, mixing business with family.

Bucky began talking first, tone strong and husky, “This isn’t something we are taking likely. Sam’s already spent the last day and a half revisiting everyone’s past, making sure there are no other moles that have slipped through the cracks. No new faces are allowed anywhere near our home or you.”

As he spoke, you managed sure to nod your head and try to squeeze his hand in understanding. Steve shifted in his chair, capturing your attention as he continued the discussion. “You are safe and you should have been safe but we let you down, you were vulnerable when we weren’t there to protect you like we promised we would. We let you down, we broke our promise, we could understand if you didn’t want-”.

“Whatever you’re about to say you better forget about it right now”, you say sternly, heartbeat beginning to race on the monitor again as Steve’s mouth shut quickly with a snap. “The idea of being your weakness has always frightened me but, I could also be your greatest strength. I mean - Look at what you’ve been going just to protect the house, to protect me. I know you feel like you’ve let me down but I don’t feel let down in any way. Yes, of course, what’s happened is scary, especially in our home but I doubt it’ll ever happen again. They can try and tear us apart, they can try, but they won’t break us, they can’t break us. We have to remain on top ok? I always feel safe and trusted when I’,m with you both so please, don’t ever feel like I'm not because I am. I’ll always love you both, I’m not going anywhere”.

You sucked in air greedily after your short speech, the building emotions spilling freely everything you truly believed to the men beside you, not wishing for them to ever feel doubt for the relationship or how you felt.

Looking between them both, your heart sank as you noticed Bucky quickly wipe the corner of his eye. “I thought you said no more tears”, you spoke softly whilst trying to wipe away a stray tear.

“That’s before you decided to swoon me with your speech”, he quipped back, the light returning to his eyes once more as you laughed.

“I love you Bucky”.

“I love you, Doll”, standing from his chair, his metal hand stroked over the side of your face as he captured your lips with his, lingering for a few beautiful seconds before sitting back down.

Steve had lifted your hand during your speech and was kissing your palm and you reached out to stroke his beard, “I love you, Steve”.

He too stood, just as Bucky had but he kissed your forehead first, breathing you in for a moment before doing the same against your lips. “I love you too, so much baby”.

As Steve sat back down, your eyes began to feel heavy, all of the strong emotions exhausted you completely. “Will you both be here when I wake up? Not that I’m complaining about Natasha but she doesn’t spoon me like you both do”.

They both chuckle under their breath before Steve promises, “We aren’t going anywhere, sleep, Sweetheart”.

#stucky x reader #stucky smut #steve rogers smut #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #stucky #bucky x reader #bucky smut #bucky #bucky barnes #marvel smut #mafia au #mafia stucky #mine*

1K notes · View notes

writingquestionsanswered · 6 months

Note

Not sure if you've answered something like this before, but how do I write "prettier" sentences? I know one thing that will help would be expanding my vocabulary, but a thesaurus only seems to get me so far. I feel like when I write, especially when I'm describing things, my sentences are so basic. Idk if this makes sense, if it doesn't I can try and find examples from other writers to help describe what I'm talking about!

How to Write "Prettier" Sentences

Pretty prose is something many writers aspire to, however, it's not as easy to achieve as looking up words in a thesaurus. It's something you have to train yourself to do through both learning and practice.

Learn By Reading/Listening

First and foremost, making sure you're reading/listening to a variety of books and stories is essential if you want to learn how to craft prettier prose. Reading and listening to stories helps train your brain to: recognize the cadence of pretty prose, understand the structuring of pretty prose, understand how to craft meaningful imagery, and fills your head with vocabulary.

Expanding Your Vocabulary

Vocabulary is also an important component of crafting pretty prose. Following web sites, pages, and apps that have a "word of the day" (like the Merriam-Webster website) is a great way to learn new words. You can also purchase a word-of-the-day desk calendar for 2024. Some writers like to flip open the thesaurus every day on a random page and read a few random words. You can also read creative articles in newspapers, magazines, websites, etc. to learn new words. You can also look up the specific vocabulary for something you're describing, like if you're describing a house, you can look up the architectural style and general architectural terms to learn how to describe specific things like the style of home, the trim, the windows, etc. Finally, in addition to the thesaurus as a source of new words, you can add other word references to your collection, such as The Describer's Dictionary, the Random House Word Menu, The Writer's Lexicon, etc.

Learning Poetic Cadence and Imagery

Listening to music/reading song lyrics, and reading/listening to poetry are great ways to teach your brain how to craft descriptive imagery. Poetry has to say a lot with few words, so it helps you understand the power of using just the right words in just the right way.

Effective Description is Important

Effective description is of course another piece of the puzzle. Not all writing is description, but a lot of pretty prose is descriptive. So, when you're describing things in your story, make sure to consider the senses--what can be seen, heard, tasted, smelled, felt/touched? You don't want to incorporate all of that into the description of one thing, obviously, but if your character is walking into a forest, considering all of those things can help you come up with a vivid, beautiful description. Sometimes, looking for photos or videos of the thing you want to describe can be helpful, too.

Practice Makes Perfect

And last but not least: practice. Once you've started to train your brain using the methods above, when you go through a draft to revise it and come to a sentence that needs sprucing up, try out different things that you've learned. Don't go overboard with the thesaurus, but perhaps your sentence describes twinkling stars... is there another word you could use instead of twinkling that's more surprising and vivid? The thesaurus suggests: glimmering, shimmering, sparkling, blinking... cross-checking each of these in the dictionary shows they're all appropriate choices for describing the twinkle of a star. You can also read the sentence out loud to listen to the cadence... are there longer or shorter (yet appropriate) words you can use instead to make the sentence more lyrical? Improving your sentences in editing helps you learn to craft pretty sentences as you're writing them the first time.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

LEARN MORE about WQA

SEE MY ask policies

VISIT MY Master List of Top Posts

COFFEE & FEEDBACK COMMISSIONS ko-fi.com/wqa

#writing tips #writing help #wqaadvice

465 notes · View notes

alexanderlightweight · 2 months

Note

Hey, hoping you and your loved ones are doing well and that you are regaining your strength and health. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. This is me sending virtual hugs :)

Thank you!!!!

Anon this made me feel so much better about things recently I really appreciate you!

Also just; you and everyone on tumblr hs been so amazing and nice and understanding. I appreciate all of you, my ao3 has been getting a lot of commands about updates and I’m just… I want to update too! I write every day in my head. Im just typically wiped out after but I’ve stabilized enough in PT that we don’t have to do it as often. So i won’t be a turtle rolled on its back when I got home from it as much.

I got a lot sick due to being around a group of traveling, germ collecting niblings a few months ago. Since i hadn’t recovered from Covid (kept getting small illnesses). What followed was me finally getting into a few appointments I’d been waitlisted for months on. So I’ve been doing some hard core physical therapy and some other stuff to try and get my health back up.

@queensaryn aka Saeth’s fibro got fucked up with Covid and they’ve barely managed to leave the house twice a month (even just to sit in the car while I get groceries) but they’re also improving albeit slowly. We have to be careful with their goals and limits. Basically they have to be treated like an overripe peach or a plum blossom, or baby strawberries.

Very delicate.

The rest of the house recovered faster but they still have some long Covid symptoms like us and it’s been hard for everyone. Months past and sometimes one of us will still get taken by surprise when the lingering affects hit us.

But we’re getting better! Sorry if that seemed pessimistic, it’s been exhausting, but I’m definitely finally getting stronger. It does seem like every time I make two steps forward we find something else wrong and I go 1-3 steps back but after three years of fighting I’m getting help for some old injuries and damage.

Just last night I was plotting out a scene in ‘a craft of adoration’ that I can’t wait to actually type out. So thank you again for the encouragement, it makes me want to push through because I really love writing. And it’s a lot more encouraging then some very backhanded compliments and demands for updates on ao3.

Which tbf, they probs don’t know I’m sick and have been struggling but I’m already fighting so hard to get better that it gets discouraging. So thank you for lifting my spirits!

And thank you to everyone else who has sent me and the House well wishes if they happen to see this. My inbox is a little bursting rn with prompts so I tend to get distracted very easily when I try to look through it.

Sending virtual hugs back and lots of Nightshade cuddles!

I will say that the Abyss and Nightshade have both been incredibly cuddly since I got sick. Nightshade throws a tantrum if anyone in the House so much as sneezes. He is horrified by the thought of any one getting sick again

💜 lumine

#lumine talks to ppl #lumine answers asks

39 notes · View notes

specialagentlokitty · 11 months

Text

Suga x reader - team parents

Hi ! How are you doing ? First I want to say I love your stories ! And I love the fact you write for a lot of fandom ! I had a request, would you mind writing a Suga (Haikyuu) x reader where the reader is a manager of the Volleyball team and also has this Mom personality and match with Suga please ? (Sorry if I make any mistakes, English isn’t my first language) but if you have a lot to do, forget about it ! Have a nice day/ night - @innieblogg 💜

Walking into the gym, you set the bag down and sat down on the bench as you looked at the team training.

“You’re running late.”

Looking at the grey haired teen, you gave a small smile as you opened your bag so show what was in there.

“Oh my god!” He whisper yelled.

“Shh, don’t let them know. It’s a surprise.”

“What’s a surprise?!” Hinata yelled.

Everyone immediately came rushing over and you lightly swatted their hands away from the bag.

“No! Don’t keep secrets!” Nishinoya pouted.

“It’s for after practice. Now, I’ve drafted up a new game plan I’d like to run past you all so sit.”

The whole team sat down and looked up at you as you began to explain to them some things you had noted from their last game and the past few training sessions.

“So you’re saying we need to change tactics?” Daichi asked.

“In a way yeah. Right now I just want you to practice on your manoeuvres, we don’t want another incident like with what happened to Nishi.”

“Aw you care about me?” The teen grinned.

Rolling your eyes, you leant forward and smacked the back of his head and he pouted while everybody laughed at him.

“It seems kind of pointless.” Tsukishima shrugged.

“Maybe, but it could help. Especially when it comes to safe landings. So you’re doing it, no choice.”

They all went off to train and you watched them, writing down some things you were noticing about them all.

Most of it was ways they could improve, but you would arrange one on ones with them the following day so that you could start working in this.

You called them over one at a time, giving them their water bottles and making them sit down to rest for a few minutes before sending them back out.

“Right! Get here you lot!” You called.

The group came padded over and you opened your bag, dumping on the floor, you tossed some food at them all.

“Oh my god our favourite!” Hinata beamed.

“How’d you know what to get me?” Kageyama asked you.

“I know what you like.” You beamed.

They all began to eat and you nibbled on your own food, smiling softly at them all.

They were a good bunch, great potential, but you noticed Asahi sat towards the back and you frowned a little.

Getting up, you walked over and sat next to him.

“Hey, are you alright?” You asked softly.

“Oh.. y.. yeah..” he nodded.

You smiled at the gentle giant and poked his arm.

“Come on.”

You stood up and he followed you across the gym and you both sat down against the wall, still eating.

“I know you’re struggling, but you’re a great player. You’re amazing at volleyball, you have real talent you know Asahi.”

“You think…?”

You looked up at him and smiled.

“I know, I’ve been coaching this team for two years. You’re great, just remember that alright?”

He smiled a little and nodded and you sat there with him for a little bit until they went to get their stuff to go home.

You stood at the door waving them all off and you felt a hand on top of your head and you smiled softly.

“You ready?” He asked.

“I was waiting for you.”

“Well let’s go then.”

Suga took your hand in his and you both started to walk towards the front of the school, enjoying the peace.

You looked up at him and your smile widened a little bit.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” He asked.

“Nope.”

You looked away.

Suga laughed a little and shook his head at you, handing you his drink so you could have some and you handed it back after.

“Do you want to stay at mine?” You asked.

“Will your parents be alright with that?”

“Suga you stay every weekend, of course they will. Plus it’s late, and you look exhausted. My house is closer.”

“Is this because you want me to watch that sappy movie with you again?”

“Maybe?”

He laughed, nodding his head.

“Yeah, I’ll stay. I’ll call my mom when I’m at yours.”

You grinned and you leant into his side and he smiled to himself as he carried on walking.

“So, what do you have planned for tomorrow?”

“Oh it’s going to be great!”

You excitedly began to explain to your boyfriend what you had planed for tomorrows training and what you were trying to achieve and he listened carefully.

You cared for the team, you looked after them just like he did, and he looked after you throughout the rest of the day.

You were the parents of the volleyball team, and truth be told no one would change that for the world

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #Haikyuu imagine #sugawara koushi #sugawara x y/n #sugawara x you #sugawara x reader #sugawara imagine

104 notes · View notes

relastelvanni · 1 year

Text

📖 2022

The week leading up to Christmas 2021, I was unwell. I was feeling very fatigued and burnt out as we all were. There wasn’t a lot of sun so I was likely Vitamin D deficient, right? Also I somehow lost 10 lbs between October and December without trying which didn’t match what I was eating - probably stress? Oh, but I feel really thirsty, and I can’t seem to quench it… that’s an odd symptom I can’t explain with burnout. It was that symptom that made me test my fasting blood sugars and sure enough, they were way over into diabetic levels.

🚨

On Hogmanay as I rushed to get my booster before the bells, I also went to the GP as an emergency for my blood test. The results came back and my GP wanted to talk urgently. On Jan 5th I was officially diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and put onto metformin straight away. This began a whirlwind of a year.

On the outside I seemed calm, on the inside I was a ball of emotion, but mostly shame. Shame that after years of warnings this could happen, I had to tell people what had happened. I felt guilt for making people around me worry for my health. I wanted to prove to everyone that I was okay and they didn’t have to worry about me. Maybe not a healthy attitude to take but from the moment I left that Doctor’s surgery and took a 2.5 mile walk home, I decided I was going for remission, end of.

I immediately went on a low carb diet of 130g of carbs a day and stuck to it religiously, I did not break 130g or tried not to. No cheat days, no snacking. Again, perhaps not the healthiest thing to do but I couldn’t bring myself to eat high carbs again. I started walking a lot more, walking three miles home from work in the winter. I went swimming, I got a bike through the cycle to work scheme. But most of all was the diet. It was tough and there were times I felt like crying. But my head told me “I put myself in this situation, you don’t deserve sympathy”. Urgh, silly head.

But despite that negative mindset, the physical side improved quickly. My sugars fell rapidly most importantly and as a by-product, I lost 15 lbs in the first month, followed by another 15 lbs in the second, starting at 255 lbs and ending March around 210.

Now those who know me will know I had no problem with my weight before - I was very happy as a chubby person because I went on a journey over the past few years of learning to love my body, throw off the shame I held against my body and show it off at the beach and the pool etc. So the weight loss for me was such a sudden shift in mindset too. I was back very quickly to a body I had before I learned to love my body… and societal pressure came back. That’s been a struggle this year is loving my new body without need for validation externally.

But in terms of the diabetes, by the end of March, I had my hbA1c checked again… and I was no longer diabetic! I had managed, with the tablets, to get the diabetes into remission. I can’t tell you how proud I am to have got to this point. All the hard work and hardship I put my mental state through was worth the result.

Over the next three months I relaxed the diet a wee bit and let myself eat a little more, but no where near the levels I was at before. My weight finally stabilised at around 180 lbs which is where I’m at now, meaning in total from max weight, I’ve lost 85 lbs in the last year. But more importantly, at the end of June, my HbA1c was still at a non diabetic level, this time without medication.

Since June, my weight has been stable, my sugars are still down, I’ve taken up badminton 2-3 times a week to keep me active physically (and mentally too). I feel fantastic physically and I’m so happy I’ve managed to turn around the diabetes. I still need to work on my mental state and work on some of those troublesome feelings I had at the start of the year as well as others. But aye, long post, but I’m still here, still going. Hopefully 2023 I’ll stay in remission. All the best to everyone 💛

#me #gpoy #gay bear #gay cub #tummy #non binary #queer

100 notes · View notes

chenfordspiral · 1 month

Note

43, 44, 45, 48, 49, 50

43. If you take/write prompts: what’s your favorite prompt fic that you’ve written? Mh, probably the two I got that turned into this 4x18 AU. It’s honestly one of my favorites I’ve written, and interestingly enough, when I reread it a while back, it felt so foreign because I could barely remember even writing it. But that was fun because it was like I was reading it from an “outsider” POV, if that makes sense. There's two more that I love, as said here, but for once I made a decision and will stick with it. @escapismqueen could fill a book about me and my indecisiveness, and I hope she's proud of me for choosing only one here.

44. If you take/write prompts: do you prefer dialogue or scenario/narrative prompts? Mh, I don’t think I’ve actually gotten many dialogue ones yet, at least not ones that I can remember right off the bat so I’ll say scenario/narrative prompts.

45. What’s something you’ve improved on since you started writing fic? Oy, this is tough because it often feels like I haven't improved at all? I do like to think I've broadened my vocabulary (also thanks to reading so many fics), but I'm not sure if that makes it onto the page. Maybe I'm less terrified of hitting that post button now than I was a year ago and trust myself more to pull something off that maybe I would've shied away from before. The better question for me would be "what have you not improved on?" lol

48. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it? I can honestly say that I don’t know the last one I read, it’s been that long. I’ve got about – and no, I’m not joking – 200 AO3 tabs open on my phone with fics I want to read or need to catch up on. Wait! I do know which one! I re-read this one here from Tara because it was the first that came to mind for the chenford fanfic quotes blog. And yes, I absolutely, 100000% recommend it!!!

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it! Already answered here, but: aside from Little bit of Love, I’m also always (and by that I mean every day) trying to weave my way through an AU that I’ve been working on for… welp, almost a year. Here’s a tiny little sneak peek from what will likely be the first or second chapter. It’s still a long, loooong way from seeing the light of day, though.

“Geez, Tim. Way to be positive,” Angela sighs. “She won’t like you a whole lot either with that attitude.” “Great, so case closed. We’re not doing this,” he says and starts to get up from his place opposite of her. “Tim,” she whines and grabs a hold of his arm to keep him from leaving. “Come on. What could it hurt? Just one date. You can see how it goes, and if it’s absolutely horrible and you sit there in silence for two hours, you can go home and call and yell at me for being wrong.” “Lopez.” “Timothy.” “Stop calling me that.” “Stop being stubborn.”

Oops, forgot 50 🤦🏼‍♀️ 50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about! All I can say is that I love this amazing community on here. The last few months in particular have been so much fun, and I love engaging with you all here. It genuinely feels like a home and I'm so grateful to get to be a part of it.

Thank youuu 🫶🏻

#asked and answered #ask games #thisnightissparkling089

8 notes · View notes

copperbadge · 2 years

Note

Just in case you haven’t stumbled across this fact elsewhere, you should be aware that pharmacies are often out of adderall and it has nothing to do with the pandemic. Or, at least, it USUALLY has nothing to do with the pandemic.

My understand is that there are multiple and fluctuating reasons for this, all stemming from the fact that the drug is highly regulated, and—yes—all of them at the expense of the people who actually need the meds. That said, the most consistent explanation I’ve received from more than one pharmacist over the years is that they’re limited in the number they can actually stock at a time, and demand exceeds that quota.

Yes, this is rage inducing. It’s also been a problem since the early aughts and I don’t see it going away, though it’s improved somewhat.

I recommend talking to your pharmacist and finding out whether this is a consistent problem at your pharmacy specifically. It can also help to have your psychologist reach out to your pharmacy ahead of time and confirm the meds are available—if not, there may be a generic available that they can prescribe instead. You can also see whether it’s possible to get your prescription a few days early, just in case.

Yeah there are some yikesy stories in my comments about access to Adderall and the other stimulant-side drugs for ADHD. It does seem to be a combination of "can't stock much at once" and "can't refill your prescription for you until two days before it needs it" and "But so like...are you an addict?" It's the typical bar to entry that people with disabilities face getting medication -- which I was prepared for, given I know people who struggle to get their meds each month and I've handled a lot of RFM issues surrounding them as well. I was honestly braced to spend several days getting that initial prescription filled, I was shocked when it just...went through.

In multiple ways I'm fortunate -- I don't face physical access issues, and I've spent long enough without the meds that I'm capable of wrangling the prescription without having to be ON the prescription. Like, I was actually able to fairly easily call the pharmacy about the length of delay, and that seemed to spur them into locating at least sixty of the little blue fuckers. I am also a middle class white guy in my forties, so I don’t get profiled as drug-seeking.

I've booked out my psych appointments so that I'll generally see him on day 32 of a 30 day prescription, and my diagnosis is mild enough that there are days where I feel the meds wearing off and go "Well, I'm ok without the second dose" so even my first 30-day supply lasted me 40 days. Next session I may speak to him about the automated mailed-to-home service that his clinic is partnered with and if that would simplify matters -- a genuine question given the recent scandals about some of those services overprescribing.

The most common thing I've heard -- here and from other people outside of tumblr -- is that a lot of people have convinced their prescriber that they need a slightly higher dose than they do, so they can get a 30-day supply of 20mg doses and split them, thus turning it into a 60-day supply of their actual dose which they can stockpile. Which is ripe for a satirical novel of some kind, because while none of the people I'm talking to are addicts, they're forced to behave like addicts in order to maintain a consistent supply of a necessary disability aid. I don't think I'm the one to write it -- at any rate, not yet -- but there's content in the idea of our cultural fear of addiction being so epic and hallucinatory that we actually force people into addictive behaviors because you can't exist as a disabled person within the letter of the law.

#sam has adhd #addiction

344 notes · View notes

arimiadev · 4 months

Text

2023 Year in Review

2023 has come and gone—it feels like it was just a week ago that my grandma was complaining that Thanksgiving and Christmas were too close together, and now it’s January. I spent the last 2 weeks of 2023 sick (I still am), which made it go by like a blur.

2022 was a fresh slate for me, with a new job, a new home, and new projects. 2023 was a year of finding a new rhythm—figuring out how I work best and molding my work time around that rather than trying to make myself go against the flow.

Working from home is truly a blessing and a curse. I do think that it has more positives than negatives (especially right now as I’m able to work while being sick and don’t have to take time off), but navigating around the negatives is tricky. The main problem I’ve faced, aside from lack of interaction with non-family, is that it’s harder for me to focus on work when I end up spending almost all of my awake hours at my desk, either for my fulltime job or for VN development or for relaxing.

I’ve had to mix things up, usually taking my laptop to other parts of the house or even working outside of home some days. Even if it’s only for a few hours, it helps reset the fatigue of being at my desk all day every day. It doesn’t always work, and one problem I ran into for most of the year was being unable to focus on writing. Art and scripting are more “mindless” for me, I can do them with a video or voice call in the background, but writing is something I’ve always struggled to concentrate on.

This year was my first year attempting NaNoWriMo, though a more casual version of it. A few other devs were also entering NaNoWriMo to work on their projects so I hopped on too. I wanted to use the hype of the event to push myself to focus on writing, and it worked! My goal was to hit 30k total words in the month across multiple projects—which is about what I write in half a year—and I hit it.

Projects

Canvas Menagerie continued to be my main project in 2023. I was able to release several new demo builds for the project, mainly redoing and improving artwork for the game. My art has been improving a lot the past couple of years which is a good and a bad thing—it’s good because I’m improving and it’s bad because it means I have to redo or edit older game art!

I was also able to finish writing Act 2, meaning that Canvas Menagerie is 2/3rds written! A lot of good progress was made on it this year and I hope to continue (and maybe finish?) that this year.

I also got a trailer for it by Hatoge, a fellow BL developer! It came out so nice…

youtube

My other main project for 2023 was Lost Lune, a project I started in 2022. It was meant to be a small-ish project for Winter VN Jam 2022, but I ran into some issues with the story structure.

Lost Lune is a story I like but have had a hard time figuring out how to put the world and characters into words. I have an understanding on how the plot progresses, but due to a few different reasons it’s been hard to actually write it. One reason has been the unconventional format for the story, with it flipping between the past and present in a linear way. The other reason I’ve had a hard time with it is the character personalities—Weiss, the main character, is much more forward, blunt, and promiscuous than characters I’ve written before. It’s also the darkest setting I’ve ever written in as it’s set in a post apocalypse.

Thanks to NaNoWriMo I was able to get over 9k more written for the story, leading to about half of the story currently being written. I’d like for the project to be finished this year, but it’s hard to say when.

A small project I worked on for Ludum Dare & Otome Jam this year was a short game featuring some of my oldest OCs, where you play as a witch returning home and helping her father’s delivery service. I wanted to make something more experimental than what I usually make and something just for me.

I ended up adding some extra features to it but never released the updated build, so maybe sometime in the future…

My last project for this year was Asphodelium, my Winter VN Jam 2023 entry. I’ve had a hard time describing it, but basically it’s a dark slice of life romance about the members of a disbanded adventurer’s guild after stopping a doomsday cult at the cost of killing their former leader who betrayed them. Hazel, the one who dealt the final blow, has had the hardest time moving on—until one day he’s approached by a man with the same face as their dead leader.

This was a story I got the idea for sometime in September and began writing on a whim in the middle of October and ended up writing a majority of in November for NaNoWriMo. I didn’t expect the script to get far but here I am, 40k words later…

I finished the script and most of the art in December but was unable to completely finish the game because I got sick before Christmas. Just another WIP to finish this year…

Articles

This year I didn’t make as many articles as in years prior, a trend that will probably go forward. I do still want to write articles on marketing and visual novel dev, but I feel like it’s a waste of time to rehash old topics or talk about social media algorithms and such.

One thing I started this year for articles was interviews with fellow developers, starting with my friend ingthing. I don’t want my articles to be just my own opinions, so I want to get more voices out there. In 2024 I want to do more interviews with other devs to share their views on development.

With a record high amount of games we had to judge for Spooktober VN Jam this year, I wrote up a post about my takeaways from the jam with some commentary from my fellow judges. I was blown away by the response the article received, with it being one of my top 3 articles of all time now.

My last blog post—I hesitate to call it an article—that I wrote in one frantic day somehow was my favorite of the year. After months of radio silence from Aniplex US about Mahoyo, the first TYPE-MOON (pure) visual novel to be released officially in English on Steam, I did a deep dive into why they had forsaken such easy money by refusing to market it. The end result? Well, we’ll probably never know why, but it’s clear that someone at Aniplex made the decision to not give a budget to their marketing teams for Mahoyo and instead let the fans market it themselves.

Art

This year was a bit sparse for full artworks, with a majority of them being for Canvas Menagerie. I got a lot more comfortable drawing his hair!

I also got more into Holostars EN this year with the introduction of the second half of Holostars Tempus, the Vanguard unit (but mainly Gavis Bettel). I was following Tempus from the beginning and was a big fan of Magni and Vesper, but Bettel won as my kamioshi. He’s also the only one in the snapshot above (for August) that’s fanart, as the rest are OCs.

Goals

2023 Goals:

Fully write Act 2 of Canvas Menagerie: Canvas Menagerie is currently split up into 3 acts, around 50k words long for each act. I was able to finish the first draft for Act 2 in October! It ended up being much shorter than I estimated, but that’s how things go sometimes.

Release demo for Lost Lune: …Well, this kinda happened but not really. I wanted to release a longer demo for Lost Lune as the current playable build is more like a teaser—it’s very short and only features 2 out of an estimated 20~ days. I did however end up reprogramming the playable build, changing the main character from a side sprite to being on screen with several other visual changes. I’m much happier with this direction for the game.

Write more consistent devlogs: This also didn’t really happen as my intention was to write an article a month, but with our physicals Kickstarter earlier this year, other things took higher priority. I also realized pretty early on in the year that I’m tired of writing about social media algorithms and want to write about more interesting game dev and marketing topics, like case studies and such.

Open a merch shop: This was the first goal I accomplished this year! It was also the easiest since it was already mostly set up. You can see the merch shop for my games here—I think it’s pretty cute.

2024 Goals:

Fully write Act 3 of Canvas Menagerie: Self-explanatory. I want to get to a first draft state for all of CM. I doubt I’ll be able to finish the game next year unless I get a whirlwind of inspiration as it still needs around 40-50k words, 25+ CGs, 5+ character sprites and more, but we’ll see how far I get.

Write more of Lost Lune: I was able to write over 10k this year for Lost Lune while working on other stuff and in 2024 I want to get close to finishing the script if not finishing it.

Release the full version & an artbook for Asphodelium: Due to getting sick at the end of December, I wasn’t able to fully release Asphodelium. It’s pretty close to being done so it shouldn’t take long to finish it. I also want to release a (digital) artbook for it, as I have a lot of design notes for the LI. It’s also been quite a while since I released an artbook so I want to try making one again.

Go to an out-of-town convention: All my life, I’ve only ever attended the anime conventions in the Memphis area. Despite Memphis being a big city, the conventions here…aren’t really ran by people who want to expand it or even really change anything, so for the past decade it’s been in stagnation. At Studio Élan we’re boothing at more conventions this year, and I want to help! I’m hoping to go to Offkai Expo this summer.

Share more VNs I like: Thanks to rejoining Tumblr in late 2022, I’ve become more acquainted with visual novel players over there and I want to talk more about visual novels that I play. There’s a lot of great games out there that people just don’t hear about, so I want to talk about VNs more.

I feel like in 2023 I was starting to find my “thing”—I really like talking about VNs and I want to share unheard of and underrepresented developers to others! I’ve become bored of making generic marketing articles but I’ve found joy in making posts in collaboration with other devs or sharing other VNs.

2024 is a bit of a scary year and has me rather nervous, but I hope we’ll all make it through it. I want to finish some of the stuff I’ve began and I want to share more lesser known visual novels.

I hope this year will be better for us all. Until next time!

— Arimia

#visual novel #my games #my art #Youtube

8 notes · View notes

whentommymetalfie · 8 months

Note

hey, your fics on ao3 are actually saving my life rn. i’m not doing amazingly atm and reading your “breathe again” and “home to you” fics about tommy struggling with mental health (admittedly in a slightly different way to me) is somehow making it all so much easier to cope with.

i’m so in love with the dynamic of alfie being completely head over heels for tommy, despite tommy feeling utterly broken and despising everything about himself - it really does give me hope that perhaps i’m not entirely hopeless and unlovable either, even if sometimes i’m about as mentally stable as tommy is.

but yeah, idk - i don’t think any of that made a lot of sense, but i just wanted you to know what a positive impact your writing has had upon me.

and seriously, fucking wow- you’re absolutely amazing at writing - i have never read better, more in-character tommy and alfie fics. the way you create the angst and attraction between them is just everything to me and i hope you keep writing this pairing forever!

also, i was wondering - how long did it take you to learn to write like this? did you study creative writing formally or are you self taught (if you don’t mind me asking)? your use of words is just mesmerising and i’d love to think that one day i could be able to write as beautifully as you do.

anyway, thank you for all that you have done for the tommy/alfie community. seriously, you should see the indirects you get on twitter (you’re like the ceo of this ship at this point)

Firstly: This was an absolutely wonderful message to receive, and made my whole week. Secondly: this reply is long so my apologies in advance!

You make complete sense. And, not to get way to personal here, but I think it’s a very human and common feeling to be afraid that we’re unlovable when we’re at our lowest points and probably need it the most ❤️ One of the reasons I write is because it’s an escape and a comfort (and well, a huge struggle, but in the end the positives outweigh the negatives). And knowing someone else finds that through reading my fics is the biggest compliment I could ever receive, and reminds me why I do always slog through the more challenging parts of writing to finish things and put them out there for people to read.

Thank you for your kind words ❤️ I suppose I feel that my characterization isn’t spot on, but I’ve aimed for one that feels ’true’ within the setting and circumstances of the story, if that makes sense, and I’m so happy you like it. I’m wholly unable to cope with this incredible praise, but at least I can answer your question: I don’t have any formal education in creative writing. But I’ve always enjoyed reading and writing -though I mostly read in my native language (Swedish), I do try to define what I enjoy about my favorite writers’ works, and while I’m not skilled enough to always put that knowledge to use, I’d like to think that it’s helped me in some ways. As for how long it took me to learn how to write (though I definitely feel like I’m fumbling around in the dark from time to time and like I’ve learned nothing) I wrote and posted my first fanfic in English when I was 17 (a true blood fanfic I haven’t re-read since, and probably wouldn’t like to), wrote some more stuff that I never posted, and then began writing PB fic… six years ago or something? I’m 29 now, so I suppose you could say that I’ve got a few years of writing under my belt now. But I’d say that I’ve improved the most over those last PB years, simply because I’ve written so much over that period of time. And the more I write, the more critical my eye has become. And I still feel like I’m learning more every time I sit down to write.

And I fully believe anyone can learn to write, especially in a setting like fanfic, because I’ve always felt it’s a very encouraging and ’free’ environment. At least that’s been the case in the corner I’ve been in. There’s always someone out there who’ll enjoy what you put out there. And I know it’s cliché, but the key really is to just keep at it, so a huge dose of enthusiasm and self indulgence is important. I’ve got heaps of stuff that I’ve written and never posted, just because I’ve had an idea I wanted to explore. And I’ve made my peace with the fact that I’ll never be quite as skilled at writing in English as in Swedish, and won’t always find the perfect words, because as long as I write something that excites me in some way, I know there’ll be at least one other person out there who’ll enjoy it too. I try to just make it as good as I can with the tools I’ve got.

Again, thank you ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ I don’t know what else to say, but please know I’ll be back to re-read this message many times. And I hope you’ll be happy to hear there’s a new chapter coming tomorrow -please consider it a thank you gift!

PS I’m not on twitter so I don’t know what goes on over there but now I’m dying because I need to see 👀 the indirects 👀 What are they saying?? 👀 the curiosity is killing me!

#behold: a novel #asks #answered #anon #again: no tagging system #but I need to be able to find this again #this made me so happy you have no idea

13 notes · View notes

juliasdowntonstuff · 3 months

Text

So, about a week ago I did a writing-WIP-tag here on tumblr and that caused an old drabble to resurface thanks to @bella-caecilia. In the last few days I finished it and reworked it a couple times. That did not help in the least - in fact, it only made it worse (classic case of verschlimmbessern) so now I’ve decided to just put it out here to prevent me from making it even worse.

The prompt I used was given to me a by a friend and it was: "I don't need a lot to be happy"

you can also find it on ao3: click here

My dearest Robert,

I hope this letter reaches you well and in good health, wherever you are right now. I still do not dare to imagine what your daily life looks like and what horrors you are facing. But enough about that — I am sure you want to hear about home.

You will not believe what our daughters did yesterday afternoon. The three of them put on a show for me and your Mama! Edith played the piano — her lessons have not been wasted, I can assure you — while Mary sang so beautifully for us. And darling Sybil danced to their music. What a sight to behold.

It baffles me time and time again how Mary and Edith can be so nasty towards each other and fight all day long, and then put on such a nice show together immediately afterwards. Even Carson clapped excitedly for the girls and their efforts — Mary had insisted he stay and watch the show, as you can imagine.

Apart from that, nothing much has happened since the last time I wrote to you. Life has been slow, and the weather is still cold and windy, not at all pleasant enough to go on strolls alone. Oh, how I miss our daily walks, my dear!

I hope you get to come home soon, at least on leave from the front. I need to see you, my darling one.

But until my tired soul sets eyes on you again, I remain your longing, loving wife

Cora

Robert had had a bright smile on his face when an officer handed him the envelope with his wife's neat writing on it, even more so when he found not one, but two letters in the envelope. Reading his wife's letter first, that smile stayed there and almost extended all the way to his ears. He must have looked like a fool, but he frankly could not care less. He was a man deeply in love with his wife, and who could blame him for that?

She did not write much about life at home, she never did. She missed him, just like he missed her and their family, and that did not improve with writing about it too often, both of them had found. She had stopped writing those long letters full of stories of what happened at home months ago. At first, he had not noticed, he had been too preoccupied with the raging war. Still, when her letters had turned from spanning several pages to barely scraping the bottom of one single page, he had started to worry and eventually posed that question in one of his letters. Her reasoning had only been all too understandable when she replied and it made him miss his family even more.

He could not wait to get home.

Two and a half years. That's how long he had already been stationed in South Africa. He had seen his family only a handful of times in the many months since he got called up to serve his queen and country at the front. Even when he got leave, it was rarely enough to travel all the way back to England and see them. This war had cost him over two precious years of his life already. More than two valuable years he did not get to spend with Cora and their daughters and he couldn't wait to get home, hopefully for good in the near future.

Home. Downton Abbey.

He could still picture vividly the abbey's striking architecture as it rolled into view when one came home from the station or simply went on a long walk across the estate. He was proud, incredibly so, that he was the one to call this his home.

If only he was already standing at the gates to the estate.

But he was not. Not yet, anyway. Robert was still on a boat. One that was set to land in Southampton in only a matter of hours. Sure, he would still have to board several trains to take him up to London, then on to York, Ripon and then finally to Downton.

Home was already well within his reach. He had sent a letter to Taylor when he was on his way back to England to inform him of his arrival in the village but asked the chauffeur to keep it to himself as a surprise for her ladyship. By god, the young Earl hoped his chauffeur had listened and kept it to himself.

Then, on the train taking him to London, Robert had finally found the time and peace to read the letter his daughters had sent him. It was clear that Mary was the one who wrote it — he knew her writing that looked mature and meticulously placed for her age only too well. Reading the words she had written in seemingly hasty penmanship made his heart only grow heavier than it already was. He hated to think of his dear wife in such a state that even their daughters couldn't lighten her mood with a joint performance. Those were rare enough as they were. And it only made him want to get home even quicker.

Dearest Papa,

We sincerely hope you are somewhere safe and not getting yourself in danger.

Mama only just now told us we could write a few lines and put them into her envelope to be sent to you along with her letter, but we do not have much time.

All of us miss you so terribly much and we cannot wait for the next time you get home on leave. It seems like we have already forgotten what you look like — Edith and I have had quite the argument about the colour of your hair. She says it is a very, very dark blond, while I think your hair is a shade of brown. You do need to settle this for us, so please come home soon!

Mama has not been feeling too well since the last time you were home to see us. Ever since you left again, she has been in her room for most of her days and has not taken much interest in anything apart from tea with us and Granny. She looks so awfully, awfully sad all the time and we have not managed to cheer her up for long. Edith and I even played the piano and sang for her while Sybil danced!

Granny said that she is worried about Mama's lack of interest, and I have never seen her look so concerned.

Please, come home very soon, Papa!

That is all we wish for.

Promise us to please stay safe and think of us every once in a while.

Mary, Edith, and Sybil

Oh, he would give anything to see the scene of his daughters trying to cheer their mother up. He would give anything just to see their happy little faces look up at him.

What would his darling girls say once they caught sight of him in this state — his arm in a sling, covered in bandages, a healing gash on his forehead? His wounds and bruises were the sole reason he got granted this longer leave that allowed him to travel home to his family. He had not told them of his injury, not even Cora. He simply couldn't get himself to write those horrid words on paper.

Cora.

How would his beloved wife react when she saw him, battered and bruised as he was?

It was the beginning of May, and what a nice day it was.

Finally, after weeks of nothing but horribly dull weather in all of England, the sun had made a rare reappearance. For the first time in weeks, Cora wanted to go outside and maybe sit on the bench for a while — she would have to ask Thompson for her light coat in a few minutes. Cora had not been outside for longer than a few minutes in at least a month, but that had not entirely been to blame on the weather. Similarly, she had not even responded to any of the invitations to luncheon or tea with her mother-in-law down in the village in the dower house. A fact that would likely turn into a lengthy argument when she would next meet Violet, which was inevitably quite soon.

Cora knew that she should take more of an interest in the estate and entertain more of her acquaintances. But truth be told, she did not feel like it and she had no great aspirations to spend evenings with women who looked down on her because of her heritage, not when Robert wasn't there to cheer her up with a look or a stolen kiss.

She had not seen her husband in well over 9 months, and his last letter had reached her over a month ago. He had never taken so long to respond and it concerned her greatly. What if something happened to him, what if he wasn't coming home?

All of this uncertainty only further added to her uneasiness and sudden need for constant solitude. She found no real joy in things she once loved, and not even her daughters had managed to lift the heavy clouds weighing down on her.

Cora was standing at her bedroom window, looking out over the green grass in front of the house and the gravel path that stretched all the way down to the gates of their estate when she saw a carriage ride up to the house drawn by two horses.

They were not expecting anyone, were they? Or had she forgotten about a visitor? No, that could not be — someone would have reminded her; Mrs Hughes would have, surely.

Quickly, Cora turned and left the well-known comfort of her bedroom to rush downstairs and see who came to see them without prior announcement. Just when she arrived downstairs and crossed the threshold of the grand entryway, their butler opened the carriage door to let whoever was riding in the back step out onto the gravel.

There he was in his khaki uniform, climbing out of the carriage with a bright smile plastered onto his sun-kissed face.

Her eyes must be deceiving her, or maybe this was all just a dream.

Had Carson not looked so surprised himself, she would have believed that this was just wishful thinking, a rather vivid daydream at most. But he was here, he was home. Robert was home.

With three quick and long strides, he reached her, stopping only a metre in front of her when she did not move. His bright smile slowly turned into a frown when she still did not show any reaction to his presence.

"Cora," he said, trying to sound encouraging, and it seemed that this finally snapped her back into reality.

"Are you really here? Or are you just a figment of my imagination?" she breathed, looking up into his excited face.

"I am really here, my dear. I got granted enough leave to travel home at long last," he replied, taking off his beige military hat with his gloved left hand.

Then, without any warning, she closed the gap between them and fell into his arms. Her arms wrapped around his neck almost on their own accord and she pulled herself up into his embrace.

While trying to hold her tightly to him so that she would not fall, he winced and drew in a sharp breath. The sudden impact of her body on his was painful, and so was his right arm being squeezed between their bodies, but he couldn't deny relishing in the familiar sensation he had been deprived of for so long.

"Robert?" she asked alarmedly when she heard his sharp intake of breath. Only then, having stepped away from her husband again, she noticed the sling his right arm was in and caught sight of the already healing cut on his forehead. "Robert, what happened?" she gasped.

"Don't you worry, darling. I was wounded, but not too badly, and they gave me leave to convalesce a little. It is not as bad as it looks, I assure you, my dearest," Robert replied before making a start for the main entrance of his ancestral home. "Where are the girls?"

"They are on a walk with Nanny, I believe," Cora said, not at all sure if this was truly the case. Maybe they had gone on that walk the day before, or maybe Nanny had asked for the day ahead? Cora couldn't remember, she hadn't paid close enough attention. Their girls were not all that little any more, and she trusted their Nanny. It's not that she did not care — she did care, a lot! She just couldn't get her mind to focus on anything lately. Not even on her daughters' whereabouts.

"Good, so you can tell me all about what happened without us being interrupted over a cup of tea," he smiled as they went into the library.

///////////////////////////////

"Cora, I have to ask," Robert said after she had given him an account of what had happened in the last few months since he had last been home to England in August. By the sounds of what she told him, everything seemed perfectly alright, but that did not go well with what his daughters had written. Adding to that, he knew his wife well enough to know that she liked to keep her sadness to herself to spare the feelings of others.

"What is it, darling?"

Cora looked at him wide-eyed, expectation and fearful anticipation clearly visible on her still youthful features while her hands closed around the empty teacup she held close to her chest, sitting up straighter on the settee.

Robert scooted closer, carefully taking one of her hands in his. While she was trying to avoid his gaze, his eyes searched her face worriedly. Calmly, he said: "How have you been, truly?"

"Whatever do you mean?" she asked, pretending to sip from the empty teacup in her hands.

"The girls wrote to me and they said you were incredibly unhappy, hiding away in your bedroom most of the time. They even said that Mama was worried about you. Speaking of which — she, too, wrote to me, about 6 weeks ago, stating that you have ignored all her invitations to come down to the Dower House and also haven't invited her to come here, either. I know you haven't been entertaining, that is somewhat understandable. But this is not like you, dear, no matter how hard she is being on you."

"Nothing gets past you, then," she replied dejectedly. "You know everything, even when you are half a world away. It's true, I have not been feeling my best in recent weeks."

"What can I do? What do you need to be happy again?"

"I don't need a lot to be happy, Robert, you know that," she said dismissively, glancing shyly to the ground near the fireplace.

"Yes, I do know that. But what does it take for you to be happy now? There must be something, surely."

"I need to know you're safe," she replied, finally meeting his gaze.

"And you shall have that for at least another fortnight still," Robert replied, taking her slender fingers in his bigger, unscathed hand.

That was not entirely what she meant and he knew that, but a fortnight was all he had to offer, no matter how much he wished it was more.

"What happened?" she then asked, motioning to his arm to bridge the silence that had fallen over them.

"We were under attack during the night, we had not seen it coming. They cornered us, but we fought back. I was lucky that my batsman had been awake, he warned me just in time, he saved me. We managed to get away, not unscathed, obviously. He had to be taken to a military hospital to get stitched up while they sent me home. So many of our fellow men didn't. But enough about tha-"

Suddenly, squeals of delight filled the library when the three girls entered, almost running to their father but remembering their lessons in etiquette and good behaviour.

"Papa?"

"Papa! It is you!"

"I knew that was your voice I heard from out in the hall!"

It was little Sybil in her light blue dress who first asked: "Papa, what happened to your arm?"

"Oh, that. It's nothing for you to worry about. Papa fell badly and needs to let his arm rest for a little while longer. That is why the doctors gave me a sling."

"And what about your forehead, Papa?" Mary asked curiously.

"Like I said, I took a rather bad fall. But this, too, shall heal again, I have no doubts about that. And now come here and let me hug you," he laughed, opening his arms for his three young daughters.

They all but ran towards him again, throwing their short arms around him while squealing in delight.

"Mary, Edith?" he asked as his daughters hugged him.

Dutifully, they all let go of him, stepped away and looked at him expectantly.

"Yes, Papa?"

"I hope you did not give your mother and Nanny too many grievances while I was away?"

The two elder girls looked at each other rather guiltily, but it was Sybil who eventually replied: "They did fight a lot, but I managed to calm them down, apologise to each other and then make them play nicely again every single time."

The young girl looked up proudly at her father, bouncing on her feet so that the hem of her dress swayed animatedly with her movements.

"That was very good of you, Sybil, my dear. Thank you," Robert said as he patted his youngest's head. Turning to face Edith and Mary he added: "Now, the two of you have undoubtedly noticed that I have not yet replied to your last letter and there is still an unresolved argument, isn't there?"

"What do you mean, Papa?" Edith asked sheepishly, her eyes flitting from her father to her mother and back again to her father.

"Well, I gather the two of you have been fighting about the colour of my hair, haven't you?"

"Oh, that. That was nothing, Papa. It was just a silly argument, I should not have mentioned it," replied Mary hastily, trying to diminish the fight she mentioned in the letter to their father. It was, after all, a truly banal question that she posed.

"Was it really silly if you indeed argued over it?" he said when his daughters both shook their heads no rather shamefully. "No, I didn't think so. If you were to ask your Granny for photographs and paintings of me in my youth, you would find that my hair indeed used to be lighter. I had blonde hair when I was a child, with a hint of red in it, just like Aunt Rosamund. Then, as I grew older, it got darker until the darker shade of blonde I had in my youth had turned into brown. Until finally, in the last few months especially, it has started to turn increasingly more grey."

The Earl leant forward in his seated position and pointed towards his temples to let his daughters inspect what he had just told them. And it was true, the hair at his temples was already turning considerably grey, even though he had not yet reached 40.

Just then, Nanny came to call the girls upstairs for their bath. Diligently, Mary and Edith bid their parents goodbye and quickly dashed upstairs. Only Sybil stayed back and moved closer to her father.

With her voice barely above a whisper — as if she were to plot something with him — she said: "You know, Papa, they didn't fight badly about this. I'm not supposed to tell you this, but I can't let them lie to you and mama. They didn't fight about the colour of your hair. In fact, they never truly argued about your hair at all, we simply talked about you, what we remembered about you and how much we missed you. This was all just a plan we came up with that was meant to get you to come home to us faster. We thought if we exaggerated things, you might be able to come home. I am sorry," the young girl said, bowing her head ashamedly.

"Sybil, darling, I know."

"You do?" she asked. Her brown eyes were wide when she looked back up at her father with surprise and shock

"Yes, of course. Why would you ever seriously fight about something so insignificant like the colour of my hair? And I am not mad about this plan of yours, not in the least. I wouldn't even have been mad if they had argued."

"You would not?" Sybil asked.

"You would not?" Cora echoed her daughter, almost at the same time and just as surprised.

Robert quickly smiled at Cora before turning back to face his daughter. He took Sybil's small hands in his.

"Sybil, your sisters argue over many things. They always have and they likely always will. They are very different people, and both have inherited their mother's strong determination, as have you. That leads them to argue a lot, but they are still sisters. They love you and they love each other, they just can't show it. They don't know how. This plan of yours just shows that you care; all of you do, and I am glad for it. So no, I am not mad that you lied."

Sybil beamed brightly at him, more than relieved that her Papa was not cross with any of them for their deception, and quickly made to leave the room and follow her sisters upstairs.

"But only this once, little lady," he shouted after her when she was already out the door.

Her head peeked back around the wooden door again, still smiling widely, as she said: "Of course, Papa, we will never lie, ever again!"

Her parents shared a laugh at that, both knowing this to be quite far from the truth. Neither of them was an only child, after all. Just when they thought they had the library to themselves again and Robert made to kiss his wife, Carson entered with a silver tray in hand. Starting to get quite irritated by the interruption, he asked rather harshly: "What is it now, Carson?"

"I am sorry to interrupt you, milord, but this just arrived for you," the butler replied as he lowered the tray for him to retrieve the envelope. "I will also ring the dressing gong in a minute." Then, turning to face the lady of the house, he said: Oh, and the Dowager Countess has also sent word that she will arrive very soon. She will stay for dinner and she will not take no for an answer this time."

"Thank you, Carson," both of them said in unison, and Robert helped his wife up from the settee. He knew she would immediately want to go down to the kitchens and report the change in the menu to their still rather new cook and inform her of the two extra stomachs that needed to be filled.

Sure enough, Carson rang the gong as soon as he was out in the hall again and soon after that, Violet arrived at the abbey. All evening, Robert wanted nothing more than to finally be alone with his wife. And yet, his mother, who was understandably quite joyous about his leave of convalescence, simply would not leave that night.

///////////

It was almost midnight by the time they were alone in her bedroom, both exhausted after the events and surprises of the day.

Lying in bed, Robert watched his wife, who was still sitting at her dressing table and took off her jewellery. He saw how preoccupied she seemed, that her mind was somewhere miles away. Cora had her brow furrowed and pensively took off her right earring while staring at her reflection in the mirror with a frown on her face.

"Cora, what do you truly need to be happy?"

"I told you already, darling. I don't need much to be happy."

"Yes, I know you don't. But what is it that you truly need or desire? What would make you feel better?" Robert pressed on.

Silence.

For a minute, a deafening silence filled the otherwise cosy bedroom. His wife looked at him through the mirror on the vanity. She let her gaze wander from the long laceration on his forehead to his arm resting limply in the sling, and then back up to his face.

"You, Robert. You are who and what I need. I need you with me, here at Downton, and not away on another continent fighting for your life every single minute of every single day. I need you here with me. I need to be sure that you're safe, that you are far out of harm's way. I need to know you're alive, that you'll come home to me."

Cora turned and finally looked at him.

When he did not reply, she added: "It seems like I have steadily gotten worse at coping without you here. It is true, what the girls wrote in their letter to you. I have been unhappy and I have been ignoring your mother's messages and invitations. I am honestly quite surprised I did not get an earful about that tonight. No doubt that was only because of your unforeseen presence."

"I think you might be right about that, dearest," he chuckled. The same thought had crossed his mind already, as well, and it would be in his mother's character.

"Robert, I mean it. Look at you, you have been hurt badly-"

"It could have been worse, so much worse. So many of my comrades will never return home like I did. But I had a lucky charm that saved me. Which reminds me-"

As gracefully as he could, he hoisted himself out of bed and went to his dressing room. Cora only heard how he rummaged through something, muttering under his breath, until he eventually returned and took a seat on the cushioned bench at the foot of their bed.

"I want you to have this back," he said, extending his left hand.

With surprise written all over her face, Cora looked at what he tried to give her.

It was her lucky charm, the small toy dog she had insisted Robert take with him to the front when he was first called up. Her father had given it to her when she was a young girl and it had always brought her luck, and so she wanted Robert to have it. He would need all the luck he could get, she had figured.

"No, Robert. You need it. I can't take it from you."

"You can. Your lucky charm did its trick, it saved me. I am here, am I not? Please, I insist."

Once again, he urged her to take the toy, extending his arm further towards her.

"No, take it back with you. This time, you and your batsman were only injured. But god knows what will happen next time," Cora replied adamantly.

She took his hand and closed it around the small dog, trying to push Robert's hand back towards his chest.

"Cora, take it, please. I have no use for it any longer. There is nowhere left I could take it."

"I don't understand?"

"The mysterious letter Carson brought this afternoon. I never told you what it was about, did I?"

Seeming more than slightly confused about the sudden change of subject, Cora shook her head no. They hadn't had a chance to talk since then, and she had already forgotten about the letter delivered to him, if she was completely honest with herself.

"It was a telegram from the general I served under in Africa. He said that the last of the guerillas finally surrendered a few days ago and that a treaty is currently in the works, waiting to be signed. That will put an end to this war once and for all. I don't need your lucky charm any longer because I'm staying. I'm staying for good this time, Cora," he smiled.

"You will never have to go back there?" she asked, bewilderment written all over her features.

"No. I will never have to go back there. The war is over for me, for us. I am home and I wanted you to be the first person to know."

Robert tried again to give Cora the toy. And this time, she took it. Gladly. She stood up and put it on her nightstand before getting into bed, waiting for him to do the same.

He lifted the covers on his side of the bed and slid under them, carefully trying not to move his arm too much. Once she had finally settled into bed next to him and her head was resting on his chest as she snuggled up to him, he asked: "Cora, are you happy now?"

"I told you, I don't need a lot to be happy," she replied. "And this proves it. Yes, I am so very happy."

"Good, so am I."

#downton abbey fanfiction #cobert #cora crawley #robert crawley #drabble #oneshot #boer war

6 notes · View notes

melodyofthevoid · 1 year

Text

Writing Wrap Up 2022

So... this year I want to take a bit of a different approach. The last 2 years I’ve wrapped up my writing by posting one from each month and thanking y’all for reading, which I thought about but then... it hit me.

I haven’t really posted anywhere near half of what I’ve written this year.

It’s a little insane to me, I’ve posted a shit ton these last 2 years, racked up an impressive word count for sure, but this year was. Different. For a few reasons.

So this is just going to be me contemplating and examining how my writing has changed this year, if you’ll indulge me.

Talking with a friend, the year itself stuck out to me. 2022. 3 years since I started writing at all. To keep the story brief, I wrote my first work on winter break back in 2019 at the behest of my bestie @/freshfruitforrottingvegetables (I’ve @’d them enough times crediting them for this) and posted it on ao3. I’ve pretty much been writing non-stop since. Invader Zim got me into writing, and the community I found there boosted me and gave me an absolutely incredible support system.

But, other than the occasional reblog, this isn’t really a Zim blog anymore. I certainly don’t write about it as much, if ever. Now there’s a few reasons for that, not the least of which being almost 3 years is the longest I’ve had a fixation in a while. I’m amazed it held on as long as it did. Second was... I finished the royalty au. It’s almost hard to remember the beginning of this year but back in March, I posted the last chapter of “Isn’t it A Trial”, wrapping up the project I’d spent nearly two years trying to complete. My first big project.

And it was done.

There were a few other behind the scenes things that led to distancing from IZ from a writing standpoint but those aren’t really the point of this.

For the first time since starting this journey, I was... on my own, so to speak. It was weird, scary at times even. Hell, I’m still very much adjusting to doing entirely OC work. The circle of people I’m posting to isn’t a huge thriving fandom, it’s just my mutuals, and those who’ve come to love the Ocean Idiots crew. I throw in some of my (and @/shmunter’s) ocs in as well, but that’s what I’ve been writing from y’all’s perspective.

As I said, that’s not even a fraction of the stuff I’ve written in my own time that I don't post. Before, I was writing for an audience on some level. They were always stories I wanted to tell, but there was also the excitement of putting them in a pool of collaboration and community. That there were others. Now, these are my stories almost (really key word of almost, I’m not claiming sole ownership of anything) entirely.

So I’ve had to adjust. I’m still adjusting. I’ve had a lot of days where writing had been a real uphill battle for me and I questioned the quality of my work. What does it mean now that I’m writing for a more narrow group? Is there a point to it? Am I less inspired now? How can I tell I’m growing or not? Can I tackle the scope of project I want to tackle next? Each time I think about it, it gets more and more daunting, overwhelming even.

That one post about “Aww did you scare yourself out of doing a project” plays often in my mind. Very often.

It’s going to be a weird year, even few years going forward. Graduation is on the horizon, with the prospect of maybe moving out and making it on my own from here on. I might move away, I might stay home. There’s a lot of unknowns and within that is what I’m going to do with my writing as well. It’s a part of me now without question, but what form will it take? Will I take?

Much to consider.

So for this moment, I’m choosing to focus on celebrating the changes that have happened, the work I’ve done this year. The ways I’ve improved, the small leaps into different original ideas that I’ve had. I’ve had a ton of fun with making aus for just myself and like- one other person. I had a blast writing for my old DND characters too! There’s a lot to be proud of, and that’s what matters.

I want to see what I can do, and I think sticking to some short stories while I shore up and figure out what to do with my bigger concepts might be where I go. Maybe not. Who knows. But at the end of the day, we’ll find out when we get there. Thank you, all of you, for your support, your comments, and your encouragement this year. It’s been a good one, for all its ups and downs.

#melody rambles #my writing #(in case you want to peruse my wares lmao)#ngl part of this was I didn't entirely feel like going through and finding a piece for each month #and I'm still going back and forth as to what I want to do with a lot of my original things that don't have a particular mold or fit anywher #I want people to read them yeah #but post is... a mixed bag #so we'll see #maybe I'll start a thing/blog for writing on a different platform so it's just all writing #who's to say #thank you for reading this btw #the support and questions have meant a lot #I'm very lucky to have what I have #and I'm grateful every day for it

16 notes · View notes

goodfish-bowl · 1 year

Text

EctoberHaunt and Ectober Week 2022 Master Post

Happy Halloween! Here’s my complete collections of prompts for this month. Big thanks to those over at @ectoberhaunt and @ectoberweekofficial for the prompts! All fills should be correctly tagged, fics contain summaries and AO3 links, and please do mind the warnings if they’re there.

All my Ectoberhaunt22 fics can also be found here on AO3

Ectoberhaunt22

Day 3 - Order: Order to Entropy (poem)

Day 3 - Chaos: Refraction Chapter 3: Break to Build (fic)

Day 4 - Box: All Boxed Up (art)

Day 4 - Staff: Spirit of Rock (art)

Day 5 - Wraith: Paved with Good Intentions (fic)

Day 5 - Banshee: The Last One (art)

Day 6 - Burn: Fevour (fic)

Day 6 - Freeze: A Mercy (fic)

Day 7 - Purify & Infect: Detox(ic) (art)

Day 10 - Hunger: Taste Test (fic)

Day 10 - Harvest: Harvest Moon (art)

Day 11 - Drown: A Nap with the Fishes (fic)

Day 11 - Thirst: A Craving to be Sated (fic)

Day 12 - A Way of Life & Cause of Death: A Way of Death (fic)

Day 13 - Restored: Humanity Restored (comic)

Day 13 - Abandoned: The Haunting of Amity Park: Part 1: The Neon District (fic)

Day 14 - Haunted House: The Haunting of Amity Park:Part 2: FentonWorks (fic)

Day 14 - Costume Party: Double Trouble (art)

Day 18 - Eyes: A Trick of the Light (animation)

Day 18 - Teeth: Teeth Bared (art)

Day 19 - One & One Hundred: Hall of a Hundred Eyes (art)

Day 21 - Coronation: The Dragon Queen (art)

Day 24 - Future: The Price of Knowing (art)

Day 24 - Past: Too Dead for This: Chapter 1: Seven Years is a Long Time (fic)

Ectober Week 2022

Day 26 - Six Feet: I’ll Come Home if You Call (poem and art)

Day 28 - “Psst, you’re dead. Pass it on.“: Two Paths (animation)

Unprompted

Cosmic Perspective (art)

Dead and Gone (transparent art)

Squeaky Toy (animation)

Ectoberhaunt21 Master Post

Commentary Under the Cut

It has been supremely challenging and fun to do all of these prompts! I know I’m not a super prolific author and artist, but I really enjoy events like this. While it’s been hard on me to produce this sheer amount of content, it was engaging and active, giving me something to do and has motivated me to put out more content in a month than I would normally do in a year on my own. I also love seeing the improvement in my content from this year to last year, when I first took part in this event, along as throughout the event itself, I noticed improvement. While I might not have been able to fill all of the prompts I had planned to do, I also did much more than I originally planned as well, shooting to fill all of the prompts, both for each day. But with 29 fills, 3 of which have no prompt at all, instead inspired by other things throughout the event, I’m satisfied.

I’ve had so much fun throughout this entire event, from planning my fills, to the story line made up by the Ectoberhaunt crew, to drawing and writing my fills themselves. But of all of them, I do have some favorites.

I found my trend of horrible angst holds true, with some of my most severe fill, at least in my opinion, being Paved with Good Intentions. Vlad’s perspective of Danny’s grief was definitely something I found fun to write.

I noticed I used a lot of Outside, or limited perspective, especially with The Haunting of Amity Park, where you only get the perspective from the camera, so it ended up being mostly descriptions and dialog. The morticians perspective in A Way of Death was also amusing to write.

I tried out a lot of different art techniques this year as well. I messed with my style, bouncing back and forth between a more semi-realistic style and then a more cartoon-esque style for the more humorous fills, and then the simplistic style for a few other ones. I definitely think I’ve improved over the past month, just due to the sheer amount of art alone. The animations were fun themselves.

My ask box is always open if you want to talk to me about a particular piece.

See ya around!

#danny phantom #goodfish writes #goodfish draws #ectoberhaunt22 #ectoberweek2022 #master post #links #goodfish was here #i’m going to go sleep for the next week now. have fun going through everything

30 notes · View notes

damonjuicyscock · 2 years

Text

Pictures of you-Chapter 14 (90's Liam Gallagher X Reader)

Pairing: 90's Liam Gallagher X Reader

Warnings: angst, fluff AF, mention of sex, funny (dunno if it's even a warning LMAO), language, maybe a few spelling mistakes

Words: 4010

Summary: January 1999: You and Liam get back together. A little surprise comes to invade your life.

A/N: HEYA ! I am back with chapter 14. I saw your birthday wishes and I thank you a lot ! Fun fact: Standing on the shoulder of giants was recorded not so far from my place and I quote places that aren't far as well (it's like 45 minutes away from my place OMG why wasn't I born earlier). I hope you'll enjoy it !

(OML HE'S SO)

One more and last chance. Liam knew what he risked if he fucked up one more time.

On this year 1999, something or someone came to us. And I was still young enough to think it could save and improve our marriage and relationship. And being on medication, I didn’t think it could be possible. But it was.

When Liam found me in December 1998, we had passionate sex. And at the beginning of January, I was late.

So I went to my therapist, thinking meds were affecting my menstrual cycle. It wasn’t.

He prescribed me ne meds and called one of his colleagues, asking him if he could receive me the same day.

Then, he prescribed me a bloodtest.

I was bearing Liam Gallagher’s child.

January 4th 1999- London

When I went home, Liam wasn’t there.

But he had left a word on the table.

“I’m at Noel’s, brainstorming for the next album, you can join me, and I’d like you to. I love you”

So I was back in the tube to join my husband at his brother’s house.

The only bothering thing were the fucking paps in front of Supernova Heights, even though now, I was used to it.

They took pictures of me and asked me questions, but I stood silent. Meg opened the door and I entered.

Hi Y/N, good to see you!

You too Meg!

She closed the door and hugged me. Nausea took over me.

Oh…

Are you okay?

Yeah. I’m just curious, what’s the perfume you’re wearing?

The usual one, the Lacoste one. Why?

Smells good. How are you doing?

Not so fine…

She started to cry.

Hey, what’s going on darling?

I don’t know, I’m not feeling so fine these days. My sleep is bad, it feels like my life is spiralling out of control.

I’m sorry to ask you this but… Have you been drinking or taking drugs lately?

Drugs, no. But alcohol… yes.

I put my hand on her shoulder.

Stop drinking. I can welcome you in the sober people club.

It’s going to be harder than that. I’m addicted Y/N.

Then if you want to, ask Liam to give you the address for rehab. They’ll help you there.

I’m kinda scared about it.

I know, and it’s normal. But it’s the only way, and Noel will have the right to visit you.

Will you come to see me too?

Of course! I answered

She wept her tears and gave me a weak smile.

They’re in the studio. I’ll make some tea and join you there.

Okay.

Meg went to the kitchen, and I knocked at the studio’s door.

I entered and as per usual, Noel was holding his guitar while Liam was trying to sing what his brother was asking him to sing.

Oh hi cock! Noel said when he saw me

Oh hey me love!

Hey you two. Hope you’re doing fine. Noely, you should go help and cuddle your wife. She needs you. I said

Noel put his guitar on the sofa and got out of the studio.

Liam came to me, hugged me, and kissed me while his hands stood on my hips.

I’m happy that ye joined me. Liam said, smiling

I wanted to, and I also wanted to talk to you. There’s something I want to tell you.

Oh yea? Tell me then.

Well, I’ve been to see my therapist this morning, you know? To talk about the fact that I thought my meds and the probability they’re making me late in my cycle.

Oh yea, and so, does it have any…

No. He sent me to do a bloodtest and see one of his colleagues. He prescribed me some other meds and in fact I’m late because you’re going to be a dad. I said, my voice trembling with emotion

Wot?!

I’m pregnant Liam.

No, that, I understood Y/N. What is it right is how can ye fucking do this to me?

I was stunned, I never imagined he would react like this.

I beg your pardon? I asked

How can ye do this to me?

Hey Liam, I wasn’t alone when conceiving this baby! You were there!

I thought ye were on the fucking pill!

Oh because you thought I kept taking the pill after your fiasco with Lisa?

Oh, here we fucking go again!

Yes, and we’re not done with this, I told you it wouldn’t be this easy! You thought I forgot about it? Well no, and I’ll never forget what you did to me, to us! I clearly wasn’t enough! So yeah, when I left you, I stopped taking this shit that can fuck with my body, because I wasn’t seeing myself fucking another man than my fucking husband compared to you! You asked me if we could start over and that’s what I’m doing, and this baby is the proof of it!

Well it will be without me, thank ye! Liam shouted

Noel had witnessed the scene.

Liam! He shouted

I started crying, my hormones also taking over. All I already was multiplied per 1000. Now it was per 1 000 000.

Fuck you Liam! I shouted

I got out of the studio, running to Noel and Meg’s Garden.

Meg found me there while Liam and Noel were arguing, as per usual.

Hey what’s going on Y/N? Meg asked

For fuck’s sake! I yelled

Meg took me in her arms, as I sobbed uncontrollably.

What did he do this time?

Rejecting me. And the baby I’m bearing. His fucking baby, his child!

You’re pregnant?

Yes. 3 weeks pregnant.

Damn… what a bast…

Meg, please!

Sorry, it’s just… how can he refuse that? Has he ever wanted to have a baby?

I don’t know, we never talked about it. I just thought that it maybe wasn’t the moment, that we were taking our time, that maybe one day we would have kids even if I never thought about it and never thought if I wanted some, which I doubt because the poor kid will inherit my fucking rotten DNA!

Hey, calm damn love! Meg said

She saw I was starting to panic and tried to calm me down.

Meg can ye go to the studio with Liam please? I need to talk to Y/N. Noel said, arriving outside

Sure. I'll be right back.

She went inside but Liam was gone.

Noel sat beside me.

Fag? He proposed

Noel…

I know yer pregnant but ye might need one. It’s only one.

I accepted. He lit mine first, then lit his. I took a drag of the cigarette and exhaled the smoke.

He’s angry at ye.

What the fuck?! I wasn’t alone to conceive this baby! It’s just… It wasn’t planned!

Don’t ye two know birth control?

Oh shut up! I’m going to tell you the same thing I said to your brother. Do you really think I kept taking this shitty pill after he cheated on me and I left him?

Yea, ye’ve got a point.

So I do know birth control, your brother doesn’t, but in what concerns his baby…

I touched my belly

Ye want it, do ye?

Your brother asked me for a new start. This baby is our new start. I never asked myself if I wanted to be a mother. But it happens… why not after all?

I understand. I’d like to have babies with Meg too.

Really?

Yea, but it’s not about me here.

I said what I had to say Noel. I want my new start.

So ye chose its name then? New start? That’s… particular.

I laughed

You’re a twat.

No, I just prefer to see me best friend laugh. He answered with a wide smile

I recognize the Noel I knew. What happened to you these past few years?

I stopped doing drugs. It was destroying me, and I was hurting people. I also slow down on alcohol. I was mean and wasn’t myself because of this. Soz for being such a prick Y/N.

It’s okay. It’s good to see you like this though.

But I don’t mind a little spliff from one time to another.

Oh you know, as long as it’s not cocaine or some shit like that…

Yea.

What should I do with your brother? How should I act?

Talk to him. That’s the only way with Liam.

When I got home, Liam wasn’t there. He only came back at midnight, completely wasted.

I heard the door slam shut, which woke me up. He was holding a bottle of rum in his hand.

Where were you? I asked calmly but worried

At the pub.

Celebrating something?

More like drowning me despair with beers and rum.

What despair?

Ye wouldn’t get it.

If it’s about the baby, I…

Yes, it’s about the damn baby!

Liam almost fell, but I caught him.

Okay Smirnoff, sit down and let’s have a talk. And stop sipping your rum, you need to have you mind cleared.

There’s nothing to say Y/N, what can I fucking tell ye?

I don’t know. Talk to me. Why are you so fucking angry about the idea of having a baby with me?

I’m not angry about ye.

Then who?

Me fucking father.

What does he have to do with all this?

Fucking everything! I’m so fucking scared Y/N!

What? But… why?

What if I’m a bad father, huh? I won’t be violent with me own kid but… what if I make fucking big mistakes?

I put my hand on his.

You will my love. And I will too. They won’t be big, but we’ll make mistakes. Together. Nobody’s perfect Li’. But what I know is that you’ve never been a wife and kid beater.

Liam looked at me, with tears in his eyes.

No. But I already hurt ye, and I don’t want to do it again, nor hurt this kid. I just can’t.

You won’t. We will work on this. You asked me for a new start, don’t you think it’s our chance? I know it wasn’t planned, I know we never talked about it, but did you ever think about having children?

I did, I even recognized Molly even if I don’t… Shit, soz me love.

It’s okay. What has been done is done. You have a daughter and I think that’s a good thing you recognized her.

I’m just shitting me pants. That’s all. But I fucking want this baby with ye. I wanted it since the moment I laid me eyes on ye. Breeding ye, putting a baby in ye, see ye grow it, see how even more beautiful ye would be while bearing me baby…

This time, I was the one to have tears in my eyes. I kissed my husband before they could spill.

What an adventure it is to be with you, Liam Gallagher.

June 16th 1999- Saint Raphaël- France

We were now in France where Oasis were recording Standing on the shoulder of giants in Montauroux, a few kilometers away from where Meg and I we established our headquarter.

Saint Raphaël was a little city located by the sea. We could shop, eat, take sunbathes, see gigs from French artists…

Of course, we visited other towns and cities around when I wasn’t taking pictures. But we both had a crush on Saint Raphaël.

On this day, we decided I would drive us to the beach in Fréjus, just next to Saint Raphaël. It was our “day off” in a way and Meg absolutely wanted us to go without the boys.

I love your swimsuit! Meg said

Thank you! I had trouble to find it actually.

Why’s that?

Because most of the swimsuits for pregnant women are absolutely horrific.

Oh, you should tell me where you bought it then.

It took me a few seconds before realizing what she meant.

Wait a second… Are you telling me you’re…

She nodded, a big smile on her face.

Yeah, I’m pregnant.

I screamed with joy and hugged her.

Oh my god I’m so happy for you! when are you due?

January. You’re the first to know so don’t say anything. I just wanted to tell you first because I find it so exciting for us to be pregnant at the same time.

It is, indeed!

And what about you? Your belly grew up so fast!

And yet, it’s not over!

Do you know about the gender? I didn’t ask before because I felt it might have been indiscrete.

Meg, you’re my beloved sister-in-law and my friend, don’t hesitate to ask! And to answer you, I have an appointment in two days in Nice. Liam will accompany me. I think we will know there.

That’s cool! Have you started thinking about a name?

Not yet. Liam and I we want to wait to know about the gender first so we won’t have to look for boys and girls names at the same time.

I understand. And what’s your feeling? Boy or girl?

I don’t know. The baby hasn’t kicked yet. I’ll probably know when I’ll feel the strength of its kicks. I said caressing my growing belly

If this baby is this calm, it’s probably a girl.

Dunno. And what about you? I know it’s too early to say since you’re only a month pregnant but what does your maternal instinct tells you?

Oh I think probably a girl. And you’re the one who made this happen. Thank you, Y/N.

Oh stop Meg, I only have a little part in all this, you know? You have to thank yourself first. You’re the one who made this happen. You decided to go to rehab and be cured. I was just a little help.

June 17th 1999- Nice- Nice Hospital

I’m panicked Li’.

Like fer every ultrasound. Don’t worry baby, ye know the baby is healthy. Ye would feel it if there was summat wrong.

You might be right.

I am, me.

The doctor arrived and made us enter.

So Mrs Gallagher, how have you been feeling since last month?

Good, merci doctor.

Anything to report? Is the baby moving?

I haven’t felt it move yet. Is it normal?

Oh don’t worry about this, it will come very soon, some are just lazy. He said chuckling

I smiled and even though I didn’t like his comment, insinuating my baby would be lazy.

She’s panicked everytime we come to see ye. She’s scared that something might be wrong with the baby.

Mrs Gallagher, you would be the first to know and feel if something was wrong with the baby, I can promise you. But still, we’re going to control this, like each month.

So it was time for echography. Liam was sat by my side, holding my hand to reassure me.

Your baby is as healthy as the last month. And I remember what exactly you wanted to know. I’m happy to say you’re expecting a healthy baby boy!

Liam and I both looked at each other and kissed. I think deep down, Liam felt relieved to know we were having a boy. I felt him worried about the idea of having a girl. And boys are easier to educate. Or so I thought.

What about Liam?

No Liam, we’re not calling our son Liam, calm your fucking watermelon head for a second.

Hey don’t swear, he can hear you!

Oh yeah, so true, he’s going to come out of me screaming “fuck”! I answered sarcastically

Liam sighed

Paul.

No.

John.

Too basic.

George.

No way my boy’s gonna have a gramps name.

Ringo.

Are you done quoting the Beatles’s names? Ringo isn’t even his real name, it’s Richard and there’s no way for my son to be called Richard.

Sid.

Hell no.

Mick.

Don’t even start me with the stones’s names. I’m thinking about something but I’m not even sure you’ll like it.

He rolled his eyes.

Tell me.

What about Lennon?

Lennon?

Yeah, Lennon. So you can always call him after your favorite Beatle.

Lennon… Lennon Gallagher… Yea… I like it! Fucking cool name!

Yeah, I also love the way it sounds!

John Lennon Gallagher…

No. Only Lennon Gallagher.

I was joking ye knob. He answered smiling

Wanna test? I asked

What d’ye mean?

Talk to him. Let’s see if he reacts.

Liam smiled and approached his face from my now kinda big belly.

He left a kiss there and caressed it.

Oi you, yer mam and I we decided to call ye Lennon. D’ye like it? It’s like… biblical and godlike man.

The baby didn’t react.

I think that’s a no. I said chuckling

Liam took a big inspiration

Oi Lennon! Liam spoke closer to my belly, almost shouting

I felt him jump inside me and he gave me a big kick that hurt me.

Geez Liam! Don’t fucking do this! I laughed

Ah see? He reacted!

You woke him up for fuck’s sake, he was asleep! You traumatized him and it hurts me!

Soz!

I put my hand on my belly, caressing it.

It’s okay baby. You have to know that your dad is always very loud. But don’t worry Lennon. Your dad is also very kind, and you’ll have fun with him, and he won’t traumatize you anymore. Don’t you Liam?

Oh fuck off! I didn’t do it on purpose! He said, laughing

Yes you did. You wanted him to react.

Liam opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out of it. Until…

Yea. Soz. Soz Lennon, I just wanted ye to react.

The baby kicked.

I think he forgives you. I said, smiling at my husband.

Someone knocked at our bedroom’s door.

Wot? Liam shouted

Noel opened the door.

Our kid, I have bad news. He said

What is it? I asked

Bonehead is leaving the band.

Oh shit.

September 12th 1999- London

We were back in London since Oasis had finished their album, without Bonehead and Guigsy who had left the band. Liam was deeply affected, while Noel was selfish and angry, just thinking about “they left the band” and not why they did.

They still were in studio with their producer to make the final arrangements.

It was around 6pm this evening when it started. I was shopping baby stuff with Meg and for her since she learned that Noel and her were expecting a baby girl.

I had small contractions but nothing unmanageable.

Oh my god, Y/N, look at this cute jumper!

Very cute indeed! But this one is even more cute! I said, showing her one with a baby unicorn

I’m taking it!

No, I do! What am I going to offer you otherwise?

Okay, I don’t insist!

Then suddenly, a big contraction. I put my hand on one of the racks and exhaled loudly.

Are you okay? Meg asked

Yeah, the baby is just acting up. Did you find the teddy bear for my son?

Yeah, follow me, I found it in the plush department.

I followed her, starting to walk but it started to hurt even more. I bit the inside of my cheek not to show my pain.

Here it is.

Oh my, this panda is so damn cute! I said

So you don’t want to buy a teddy bear anymore then?

Nope. I have a crush on… Oh fuck, look at this cat’s one!

Make up your mind! Meg said laughing

I did! It will be this holy cat!

And the second after I said that, there was a sound of liquid running on the ground.

What was that noise? Meg asked

It took me a few seconds before understanding this noise actually came from me.

Huh… I think my water just broke. I answered

The Portland Hospital-London

Here I was, panicked and waiting for my husband to arrive.

Meg was with me, and she had called Noel so he would tell Peggy, who took the first plane to London with Paul.

Your pain on a scale to 10? Meg asked

I’m fine darling! The baby is not coming no…ouch.

I’m sure it’s a 10.

Not far. I said, wincing

Liam entered without knocking which scared me.

For fuck’s sake Y/N, are ye okay?

Yes love, don’t worry. I’m not fully dilated yet.

Did ye ask fer the episcopal?

Epidural Li’. Epidural.

Yea, whatever, did ye ask fer it?

I’m not dilated enough yet. So at the moment, it’s only pain and I.

Hi Liam, happy to see you! Meg said sarcastically

Soz, hi Meg. Noel is en route for the airport to welcome mam and Paul.

That’s good. I can’t wait to meet my nephew.

Well actually your nephew is kicking my ass! I groaned

It’s almost over baby. It’s almost over.

Oh I believed him, but he was wrong. 20 hours later, I still didn’t give birth. I was exhausted, crying and in pain. So I beg for the epidural even if it involved syringes which has always been my phobia.

I felt a lot more relaxed after this. Nurses and the midwife came to take me to the delivery room.

Wait! I want to stay with her! Liam said

Liam, it’s not yer place. Peggy answered

I want to stay the fuck with me wife, mam.

Do you think you’re strong enough? the midwife asked

Of course I am! Who d’ye think I am?

A man. And usually men faint in the delivery room. She answered

I won’t, me.

Y/N, do ye want him by yer side? Peggy asked me

I don’t give a flying fuck, get this baby out of me! I cried

I think that’s a yes.

24 hours after entering the hospital, on September 13th 1999, I gave birth to a wonderful son.

Liam didn’t faint until he saw our son. Peggy gave him a big slap and he immediately came back to earth.

I could finally hold my little Lennon in my arms and oh dear he was beautiful. I started crying while observing him, he looked a lot like his father.

We were out of the hospital at 10 pm.

While I was sleeping, Liam took a glass of whiskey and our son in his cosy with his cat plush and went outside to smoke a cigarette.

When he was done, Lennon started crying. Liam immediately took him in his arms, rocking him.

Shh little one. We don’t want to wake yer mam, do we?

Liam put his little finger between Lennon’s lips who started to suckle it.

Liam was still panicked of being a dad. But when he saw his newborn son in his arms open his eyes, his fear increased.

He kissed Lennon’s forehead.

Liam was a father, and he would never let anyone touch his family.

#liam gallagher oneshot #liam gallagher fanfic #90's liam gallagher #liam and noel #noel gallagher x reader #oasis band #oasis #fluff #liam gallagher fluff

25 notes · View notes