Narcos Fic: Old Habits Die Hard (Chap. 23)
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 24
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Pairing: Javier Peña x Horacio Carrillo
Words: 12,675
Summary: Itâs been more than a year since Madrid and even longer since the chaos of Colombia. As they settle into a new life in Laredo, their past no longer holding them back, Javierâs career change helps him reconnect with his roots whilst Horacioâs plans for the future of the farm and ranch start to take shape.
Warnings: 18+ ONLY. Smut (including leather/cowboy kink and power dynamics), grief, parental loss, religious themes and symbolism, discussions of period-typical prejudices/violence/politics/legislation, smoking, drinking, swearing.
Notes: Well, here we are at the final full chapter đ No one is more shocked than me that I've made it here tbh đ For so long, it felt like finishing this fic was an abstract concept, but somehow, I persevered!
I don't really know what else to say right now, other than, an epilogue will (all being well) be posted on Friday 1st March...exactly 3 years after I posted chapter 1. Don't ask me how 3 years have passed, because my brain cannot compute lol.
The epilogue will be much, much shorter than this chapter, but I think it rounds their story off nicely and I can't wait to share â€ïž
Thank you once again to anyone still reading, or anyone who may read this at some point in the future. As always, comments/flailings/key smashes etc. are greatly appreciated đ
Iâve also added to my OHDH trivia post to cover this chapter if anyone is interested (and there's plenty to choose from for this oneâŠin fact, I had to split my trivia post into two as I ran out of space, oops lol).
Chapter 23: Desde La Frontera
As the faded blue truck pulled up in the front yard, the moon sat full and high, casting a pale glow over everything beneath it. A key turned in the lock of the sleeping cottage, the silver hue from above illuminating a convenient pathway, negating the need to switch on a light.
Javier shrugged off his boots and jacket in the kitchen with a weary sigh and deposited his keys in a dish on the table. The hand-painted ceramic bowl had been sent with love from Madrid as a housewarming gift, along with framed artwork of the city they left behind that hung above their bed, a bottle of olive oil, a small jar of saffron, and some homemade turrĂłn.
It wasnât easy saying goodbye to Señora Romero, the cafĂ© or their apartment. For all of the unanswered questions they arrived in Spain with, it became their safe haven. Although they were under strict instructions not to leave it too long before visiting again, and who were they to turn down good company and an endless supply of hot, fresh churros?
The rustic limestone cottage had less square footage than the farmhouse next door but was over two stories rather than one. A decked porch ran along the perimeter with wooden chairs and plants at the front, facing a complex of outbuildings and stables. A swing seat big enough for two resided at the back, looking out onto a medium-sized garden with a chicken coop and the rolling farm fields and river bank lying beyond.
The front door opened into a hallway where boots, coats and hats were tidily stored â at Horacioâs insistence â which led to a spacious kitchen/dining area and an adjoining utility room with a door to the garden on the other side. A second hallway branched off the kitchen towards a lounge with a centrepiece stone fireplace and a staircase up to two bedrooms â a master and a smaller spare â and a bathroom.
Whilst the interior still needed some work, fresh coats of paint â off-white for most of the rooms with splashes of eggshell green in the kitchen â and the exposed ceiling beams restored with an oak oil stain gave the place a new lease of life.
The wall clock opposite the kitchen window ticked past 3:00am. Fuck, no wonder Javier felt so beat. He manoeuvred his way upstairs, slow and careful, to avoid the creakiest boards. They may have stripped and waxed the floors, but that apparently didnât cure the squeaking of the well-worn wood underfoot.
He must have succeeded on this occasion, as it wasnât until he got to the top that he was met with Lunaâs wagging tail. He whispered a greeting to her and rubbed behind her ears until she returned to her sleeping spot beside Sol and Leo, who hadnât even stirred. Sometimes, the trio would bed down for the night here. Other times, it was just Luna. Rarely, it was none of them now that they had two new rivals for Chuchoâs affections next door.
Kira was a six-month-old Great Pyrenees, her thick coat a solid white with pale tan patches. Fuego, a male copper red and white Border Collie, was a couple of months older and already chomping at the bit to get amongst the cattle. Although they both still had to undergo a lot of training before they would be put to use on the ranch, Javier and Horacio got the distinct impression Chucho enjoyed being kept on his toes again.
Javier finally reached his destination but gave himself an extra few seconds to take in the view.
Horacio was nestled beneath their sheets on his stomach, his torso rising and falling in a calming rhythm that Javier was convinced could have lulled him to sleep if he wasnât standing up.
He undressed, throwing every item of clothing straight into a rattan hamper in the corner of the room, keenly aware he needed to shower but too tired to do anything about it now.
Instead, he perched on the edge of the bed, basking in Horacioâs long eyelashes, rough stubble and unrulier-than-usual hair that was tantalisingly close to becoming a head of curls if he didnât get it cut soon. Not that Javier was complaining.
He tried to be restrained and let Horacio sleep, but he was only human.
A faint groggy sound came from Horacioâs throat as delicate lips met his forehead, his lashes flickering until they couldnât resist any longer.
Javier hushed as he gently crawled on the bed, draping himself over Horacio and kissing the nape of his neck. âSorry itâs so fucking late. Just go back to sleep.â
âYouâre making that difficult right now.â Horacio arched his back in response to the warm breath tickling his bare skin as Javierâs mouth worked between muscular shoulder blades.
âShouldnât be so irresistible.â
âSorry about that.â
âNo, youâre not.â
âNo. Iâm not.â Horacio twisted around far enough for Javier to slide off his back and onto the mattress, allowing them to properly embrace. And so Horacio could put his own mouth to use.
That was as far as it was going for the night, though. Horacio had an early start in the morning, and Javier didnât want to fall asleep before they could finish.
âDid it all go okay?â Horacio asked once they had got comfortable.
âYeah, yeah. Well, there was a delay with the paperwork, as usual. But once we were on the road, it was fine. Heavy traffic around San Antonio, but I almost had the I-35 to myself on the way home.â
âAnd the family?â
âExhausted and drained, obviously. Fuck knows when their hearing will be. But at least theyâre together again and safe for now.â
Javier wasn't only clueless about the date of the hearing, he couldnât predict the outcome of it either. That wasnât his remit. By the time the Torres Fuentes family were in front of an immigration judge, he would have helped countless more families and individuals like them. Their circumstances werenât always the same, but their options were just as limited.
Not all days â or nights â were like this one. Sometimes, Javier would be on translation duties on the frontline of the border, triaging and directing people towards help, whether it be medical attention, food, water, toiletries, a change of clothes, a shower, or a bed for the night. Or, more than likely, access to a lawyer. His and the fleet of other aid workers for charities, not-for-profits and NGOs would be some of the first non-threatening faces new arrivals would see once the INS was finished with them, and that wasnât a responsibility he took lightly.
Other times, he would deliver bond money to detention centres in exchange for someone's freedom, help people fill in forms and paperwork, or run community outreach sessions, reminding people of their rights. He had even hosted several families at the guesthouses for a night or two until safe transportation could be arranged for travel onward to relatives or sponsors elsewhere in the States. Flights were usually not an option for most due to a lack of papers, so the preferred method was long car journeys split between drivers like Javier. No two days were ever quite the same because no two stories were ever the same. There were commonalities, but subtle nuances and complications came with the territory of human lives.
âYou did everything you could to help them.â
âI know. Just makes you realise how fuckingâŠfragile it all is. And how fucking lucky we are.â
There was no denying luck â and money, of course â played a role in Horacio securing a visa and the Holy Grail of a green card for being an investor in the States. But Javier had also utilised an old contact at the US Embassy in BogotĂĄ to expedite Horacioâs application. Her name was Colleen, and she had, with great reluctance, helped him secure visas for several informants in the past.
The silence over the line when Javier had uttered Horacioâs name was long, loud and awkward. But just like with his informants, she didnât ask any questions and did him one last favour on the proviso she never heard from him again.
âWe are. And Iâll never forget that.â Horacioâs palm connected with Javierâs cheek, flecks of moonlight highlighting the dark circles under his eyes. âYou look exhausted, too.â
A soft chuckle filtered through the shadows. âThanks. Sorry for waking you, though. I know youâve gotta be up early.â
âYeah, which is why Iâm glad you did wake me. Once Iâve done the usual rounds, Iâll probably be in meetings most of the day. So, I wonât see you until late.â
âBetter make the most of you now, then.â
Lingering kisses followed, but they knew it was fruitless to fight the fatigue.
âHowâs everything going with the business plan?â Javier asked once he had accepted defeat.
âSo far, so good. I want to go through everything with your father again before everyone arrives. Just to make sure heâs happy with it all.â
âIâve, er, got it on pretty good authority he is.â
Horacio rolled his eyes. âI know. But itâs his money invested in this place as much as ours. And itâs not like Iâm the expert.â
âNot yet. And he trusts you. They all do. Youâre no longer a new face around here, remember.â
âI know. But Iâm still learning the ropes, and Iâm not the one in charge anymore.â
âYou sure about that?â
There was a suggestive edge beneath the drowsiness in Javierâs voice. If Horacio looked hard enough through the darkness, he would have seen a quirked brow thrown his way.
âWell, I still have my moments.â
Javier mumbled a lazy hum of agreement. âIâll say. But donât worry about tomorrow, okay? Youâll be fine. Trust me.â He managed one last kiss for good measure, even though his eyelids were getting heavier by the second.
A muffled âI doâ was pressed into the shell of Javierâs ear as he flipped his body around, his back cushioned against Horacioâs chest. Calloused fingertips weathered by hard labour nowadays rather than a trigger found their home resting on the curve of Javierâs stomach, eliciting a meditative sigh from both as they huddled down.
It didnât matter that one of them would be up soon with the dawn chorus while the other might be called away past the midnight hour. Because they knew how lucky they were, not only after all they had been through but compared to so many who crossed the border to start a new life. And it was impossible to take that for granted.
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For all that had changed, wall-to-wall meetings and stacks of paperwork were two guaranteed constants to remain. No matter the career path Horacio chose, he was apparently destined never to escape their clutches.
The morning and most of the afternoon â with a short break for lunch â had been spent poring over business plans, maps and spreadsheets with Chucho, his accountant, Miguel, and the ranch and farm managers, Marco and FĂ©lix.
Horacio was still adjusting to being the least qualified person in the room again. But the fact that he was even privy to such meetings in the first place was a privilege not customarily afforded to ranch hands without much experience under their belts. It was hard to gauge what others thought about hisïżœïżœïżœunique position here. But he was also an investor whose name, along with Javierâs, was on the title deeds of the farm. Even if people didnât know about them, it stood to reason that he would be consulted about any development proposals.
Between his money and the safety net of his connections â whatever some may have speculated the precise nature of those were â to a well-respected ranching family, Horacio, so far, hadnât had too many problems. Not even when shadowing or attending training courses off-site, and he was surrounded by heavy Texan drawls and the type of man who had the propensity to make his feelings clear with his fists â or a gun â if he found out a fellow rancher shared a house and bed with another man.
But the odd off-hand comment had made Horacio wonder if they knew more about his past employment than he realised. In which case, perhaps in their eyes, getting on the wrong side of the former head of Search Bloc wasnât a wise move.
Regardless, this was what he had signed up for. And for all his investments and networking, there were no cutting corners in ranch and business management, beef production, animal science and equine studies. The Peñas were far from the only family business in the industry, and most had grown up a lot more hands-on than Javier. Horacio could never have leapfrogged over them even if he had wanted to.
By late afternoon, the meetings were done for the day â although there would be plenty more to come â leaving Horacio and Chucho to check on the pregnant heifers. The calves werenât due until early April, another month away and just in time for Horacioâs birthday. But it was all hands on deck between now and then to ensure it went as smoothly as possible. Their main job today had been to weigh the expectant mothers, who, thankfully, all turned out to be healthy and on the right track.
Broken shards of light bounced off the ranchâs steel fences and gates as Horacio and Chucho sat on the farmhouse porch enjoying a well-earned break, the sunâs heat beginning to show glimpses of what it was capable of during the summer months. Bluebonnets blanketed the fallow fields, and the saccharine scent of yucca blossom travelled on the early spring breeze.
Chucho stirred a freshly made pot of tea and filled two cups to the brim, sliding one across a wooden table towards Horacio, who accepted with a nod of thanks.
âSo, do you think it went okay today?â Horacio asked after a quenching sip of tea.
âBetter than I expected, to be honest. FĂ©lix worked for Ciro and Malena for many years. I wasnât sure heâd take to new ownership. Or if heâd even want to stay. But he seems to be on board with the idea of expansion.â
âWhat about the rest of the workers Ciro and Malena employed?â
âA few moved on or retired. But most donât care whoâs in charge as long as they're getting paid.â
âAnd what about here? Have many left or cut ties sinceâŠâ Horacio trailed off, hoping he had done enough for Chucho to follow his train of thought without saying it out loud.
âNot many, no, Mijo. And only the ones Iâm glad to see the back of.â
âNot many?â Horacio scoffed into his cup, sending ripples across the surface of his drink. âSo, still some, then.â
âAs I saidâŠonly those I donât want the ranch to be associated with anyway. It's no loss if they canât keep their noses out of my familyâs business.â
The thing was, Horacio and Javier had everything to lose if the wrong person found out. One phone call was all it would take for the police to be banging down their cottage door. After all, that had happened to plenty of others like them in Texas. It had happened to plenty of bars and restaurants that ended up either raided or burned to the ground, the owners and patrons harassed, arrested, beaten to a bloody pulp, or worse. But Horacio couldnât bring himself to say any of this to Chucho, so he took extra time swallowing his tea instead.
âFrom what Iâve heard, the majority see youâre a hard worker. Youâre willing to learn the ropes. But youâre not afraid to get stuck in or take the lead if needed. Youâre professional with the contractors. And youâre trusted to do a good job. Thatâs worth a lot around here â a lot more than gossipers. I may not know what itâs like for you both...but I do know not everyoneâs like them.â
A smile reflexively spread across Horacioâs lips. âMy MamĂĄ said similar back in Manizales.â
Chucho mirrored Horacioâs expression. âShe sounds like a wise woman.â
âShe is.â
âAnd proud of you. As Iâm sure your father would be. Starting over again is never easy, but what you and Javi have done hereâŠI'm proud, too.â
âThank you. Me too, to be honest.â Horacio let out a brief huff. âWhen Javier told me what he wanted to do, it was like the final piece slotted in place. He couldnât believe he hadnât thought of it sooner.â He shook his head this time at how blindingly obvious it was once Javier said it out loud. âBut I think he needed to leave to be able to come back again.â
Chucho hummed into his tea. âThatâs the thing about the past: you canât outrun it. And once you let it walk alongside you, I think your path becomes clearer.â
For the second time that afternoon, Horacio could scarcely believe his MamĂĄ and Chucho hadnât met yet. But he was looking forward to the day that would change.
âA few years ago, I never thought this could be my life. Or that I wanted it to be. But now, even though itâs not easy work, and the hours are long, and Iâm starting from the bottom of the ladder again, everything just feelsâŠâ He broke off, searching for the right word.
âSimple?â Chucho supplied.
âYes. Simple.â
After Horacio finished his tea and saddled up Coco ready to help move the herds into the barns before nightfall, he didnât mind that his legs were stiff from all the sitting in chairs he had done today. Or that the last thing he felt like doing was wrangling contrary cattle.
He didnât mind that it would be more of the same at the break of dawn tomorrow and a long road ahead of grafting and proving himself. He didnât mind that he wouldnât catch up with Javier until they shared a late dinner once Javier had driven back from Austin. He didnât mind if complete strangers couldnât stomach what they got up to behind closed doors as long as they were left alone to live in peace.
He didnât mind any of it because they were exactly where they were supposed to be.
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No matter what profession he worked in, it was rare for Javier to take a weekend off. Heâd accepted a long time ago he wasnât the 9-5 type, and leaving it all at the door once he clocked off had never been an option. But a new batch of aid workers and volunteers had arrived in the last few weeks. And once Luz, his boss, got wind of an upcoming birthday in the team, she insisted Javier finally use up some vacation time.
Luz DĂaz was someone Javier could call a friend as well as his boss these days, especially in light of their parallel circumstances. While Luz was an aid worker on the border, she lived with Carla Moreno, the daughter of a dairy farmer several miles to the south. However, unlike Chucho and Elena, their parents, whilst not hostile, preferred to brush their daughters' relationship under the carpet wherever possible.
When Luz accompanied Javier to the guesthouses with a new family one afternoon, she had first crossed paths with Horacio. Until then, Javier had played his cards close to his chest, never knowing whether it was safe to trust anyone. But it hadnât taken Luz long to put two and two together â or for her to realise she could share her secret in return.
Birthdays had held no real significance for Javier since childhood. But his Pops was determined to invite him and Horacio to the farmhouse for dinner that evening. In the meantime, once Javier had escaped work by mid-afternoon, he headed home to freshen up and grab a drink. It may have been late October, but the Texan heat was a stubborn son of a bitch, and was still hitting the mid-90s several times a week.
A neatly written note was pinned to the fridge that read In corn barn, so Javier took a UTV and headed across the farm. It was quieter now the harvest was over, and the cattle from the ranch had grazed on any leftovers. The herds were back next door, allowing bales of corn stalks to be gathered up and stored ready for use as bedding for the livestock on chillier winter nights.
The latest calves had thrived since April and only had two months left before they would be weaned off their mothers. Usually, several were sold at auction, but they had kept hold of them this time due to the extra space. Now the harvest was out of the way, the next step was to clear the lower fields and build a new gate linking the ranch with the farm.
When Javier arrived at the barn, Horacio was unloading the last batch of bales off the trailer.
Horacio paused for a second when Javier came into view, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. âWhere did you get that?â
âIt was on the passenger seat.â Javier gestured to the parked UTV. âDoes it suit me?â He tipped the brim of a Stetson to match the one Horacio was already wearing.
Given the similarities between their outfits, anyone would have been forgiven for thinking Javier was an employee. They both wore belted dark blue jeans â Horacioâs more mud-splattered â brown boots and plaid shirts with rolled-up sleeves â Horacioâs brown and white and Javierâs green and red. The most noticeable difference was Horacio wore a white bandana around his neck whilst Javierâs shirt collar was wide open, his neck on full display.
Horacio silently lifted the side of the trailer back up and locked it now that it was empty. He shrugged the protective gloves off his hands one by one and flung them into the cab of his truck.
He followed Javier into the barn and closed the door, but his attention was on the wall opposite. A long row of hooks was hung across it, where various pieces of equipment were kept, including overalls, brushes, and a wide range of horse tack.
On the last hook was a coiled lariat, which Horacio picked up and stood facing Javier several feet away. He threaded the rope through the Honda knot until he held a loose loop in his right hand, his hungry gaze fixed on Javier as his wrist built momentum over his head in measured circles.
Before Javier could react, the tip of the rope found its target, tightening around his waist, his feet involuntarily taking him forward as Horacio reeled him in. Even when they were chest to chest and breathing hard, Horacio didnât let up his grip on the rope.
âYou know it does,â Horacio eventually rasped at the shell of Javier's ear.
Javier shivered at the timbre of Horacioâs voice, the earthy scent of the land combining with the heady musk of sweat, remnants of mud and dust still visible on his face and arms. âSomeoneâs been practising.â
âWell, it is a special occasion.â Horacio tugged on the rope, pressing their bodies together until his lips found Javierâs neck, stubble scratching along his jawline, finally brushing over his mouth.
Javier took the bait, responding with a full kiss, distracting Horacio enough to drop the rope. Then it was all bets off as his hands journeyed over Horacioâs back, first dipping southwards, palming his ass through his back pockets, then northwards to remove the bandana and roam under his shirt. But something made Javier pause mid-way.
He looked at Horacio for an explanation but was met only with a coy smile.
âHappy Birthday.â
Javierâs brow quirked suggestively of its own accord. âI thought we werenât doing presents.â
âI can take it back if youâd prefer.â
âDonât you fucking dare. Now, shut up and drive us home.â
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No sooner were they back at their cottage than Horacio straddled Javierâs lap on the couch, teeth nipping as they grabbed handfuls of fabric or skin.
When Javier made to unbutton Horacioâs shirt, Horacio stilled his attempts. âNot yet.â
Instead, his mouth ghosted over Javierâs as his fingers slid down to his belt, unbuckling it unhurriedly and deliberately.
Their laboured breaths filled the silence, the rich scent of earth and woodsmoke heavy on their senses.
âTouch yourself,â Horacio finally said, his order clear, voice steady.
It was all Javier could do not to come on the spot. But he managed to exhale through his nose, his lips pursed as he wrestled back a semblance of control.
He let his right hand slide down to his zipper, which he knew Horacio had left closed on purpose. He gradually unfastened it, his palm disappearing out of sight.
A hitched breath and tensed thighs let Horacio know Javier had made contact even before Javierâs wrist began to twitch.
For several strokes, Horacio merely observed, drinking in every detail of Javierâs face, each jaw movement and shuddered breath, their eyes locked together as Javier took himself in hand.
Horacio couldn't hide that he was more than a little affected by the show beneath him, so he upped the ante, his fingers seeking out the buttons of his shirt, popping the top one first, then the second, third and fourth.
He stopped there, giving Javier another sneak peek of the surprise he had planned for more months than he cared to admit. He could see Javier had noticed the tantalising glimpses of brown leather drawn tightly against bare skin and could feel Javierâs motions speed up.
The remaining buttons followed, allowing the shirt to fall over the broad expanse of Horacioâs shoulders until it hit the floor.
âFuck.â Javierâs hips spasmed, slamming against Horacioâs crotch in the process and triggering a chain reaction of panting. âShit, Horacio. Where did you â how ââ
Javier was cut off by a finger at his mouth and a soft hushing sound.
Horacio pressed a digit to Javierâs lips until it was engulfed by wet warmth. âKeep going.â
As Javierâs tongue swirled and his cheeks hollowed, he set back to work, building up friction along the shaft and over the head. It was like a switch flicked in Horacio during moments like this when he was all smoky rasps and concise commands. It was the closest Javier had ever got to experiencing Colonel Carrillo first-hand, and nothing was as intoxicating.
When Javier was being regarded and instructed so intensely, he had no choice but to submit. Anything to please the force of nature who made him come harder than he ever had done in his life. And so, he kept going, fist clenched around his cock, edging himself with each edict echoing in his ears.
Running across Horacioâs chest below his pectoral muscles was a leather strap linked to another one on either shoulder that crisscrossed over his back, his biceps restrained by matching cuffs. The leather was a worn cognac brown with intricate stitching, decorative studs and buckles like the vintage cowboy belts the harness appeared to be made from.
âYou like it?â
Javierâs free hand hypnotically reached up to Horacioâs torso, fingers tracing each detail of the leather in between cupping Horacioâs pecs and tweaking his nipples.
âBeautiful,â was the only word he could muster. It was by far the best birthday present Javier had ever had. Although, if he didnât know any better, he would have assumed Horacio was trying to make this his last one.
Horacio was conflicted between watching and needing more, so he compromised by subtly rocking against Javierâs inner thigh whilst continuing his role as a voyeur. Knowing his voice alone could get Javier off was a power trip Horacio never grew tired of, even after all these years. In fact, since his career change, it had become more arousing because being in charge was a novelty now.
He brought two fingers to Javierâs lips again, which were taken greedily without the need to be told.
âGood, thatâs it, and another.â
All three digits rested on Javierâs tongue as Horacio probed back and forth with increasing vigour, leaving no doubt what he had in mind as a string of saliva connected from mouth to fingers when he finally withdrew.
Horacio transferred his glossy hand straight to his chest and across his nipples, flicking the pad of his thumb over each bud just the way Javier liked to lick them.
When Horacio looked back up, Javier was tugging in a frenzy, his breathing ragged and fraying at the seams, dangerously close to it all being over.
Horacio reached out to stop Javierâs wrist, leaning closer until his lips brushed against his ear. âNot before Iâve ridden you.â
Javier immediately extracted his hand from his jeans with a huff of frustration, resenting Horacio almost as much as wanting to be fucked. Every man had his limits, and his were rapidly being reached.
With both hands free, he alternated between hot, smooth skin, the textured leather and cool metal. He slid his fingers beneath the harness, imagining all the positions he could manoeuvre Horacio around.
His hands travelled down to Horacioâs ass, pulling him further into his lap as their mouths crashed together at long last. From glutes to thighs, Javier embraced each one until he met resistance under the denim of Horacioâs jeans.
Javier ran his fingers over it a few times. âIs that what I think it is?â
âGuess thereâs only one way to find out.â
Javier growled as he lunged for Horacioâs belt and zipper, both men making light work of removing his jeans.
Whilst Horacio stood up, he took the opportunity to undress Javier and reach over to the drawer beneath the nearby coffee table. He rummaged around until he retrieved what he was looking for and stashed it on the sofa.
There was no holding back now as nails raked over hot skin and tongues connected, rough and harsh, their cocks jutting between their stomachs. Javierâs hands glided over and under the leather straps, descending beyond until his palms massaged Horacioâs cheeks apart, wider with each circular motion, his knuckles teasing up and down the cleft.
The tremor that ran through Horacio was enough to cause Javierâs arm to stretch across the sofa until he located the bottle of lube, expertly flipping the cap open and pouring liberally.
He alternated between his middle finger and thumb in a corkscrew motion, letting Horacio stretch around him, Horacioâs forehead dropping to Javierâs shoulder, teeth grazing flesh as he held their cocks in his fist.
It wasnât long before Horacio lowered himself, steadily taking inch by inch. He initially held still, experimenting with nudges up and down as he braced his arms on the back of the couch.
A winded noise escaped Javierâs throat as Horacio sunk deeper with more force this time, gyrating his hips until he found a rhythm.
Javier was torn between the mass of muscle and leather at his fingertips but settled for clinging to the front of the harness, pulling Horacio further onto his cock.
A strained grunt left Horacioâs throat, prompting him to re-adjust so his feet were planted flat on the sofa cushions, the change in angle plunging him to new depths. He paused, giving them a chance to catch their breaths. And then, without further warning, Horacio squatted down.
The echo of his ass hitting Javierâs thighs was enough to make Horacio do it again. And again, over and over, the slap of skin on skin louder each time.
One of Javierâs hands scrambled aimlessly around for an anchor, eventually finding the couchâs arm where Horacioâs Stetson had landed earlier in the proceedings.
Javier snatched hold of the brim and brought it towards them, depositing it on Horacioâs head. âKeep it on.â
Horacio was powerless to refuse when it made Javierâs cock twitch and pulsate, massaging Horacioâs prostate as he bounced at just the right angle, his own length sliding up and down the plains of Javierâs chest and abdomen.
Now the hat was in place, Javier's hands sailed over Horacioâs thighs, pausing as he made contact with the leather band around his right thigh. He couldnât believe Horacio had not only remembered their dirty talk the morning after Trujilloâs wedding but that he had brought Javierâs fantasy to life. And it was better than even his wildest dreams could have imagined.
A part of him wanted to remove the garter just so he could re-attach it. But he was mesmerised by the way the leather stretched around Horacioâs thigh as his pelvis pulsed back and forth, up and down, and round and round.
His fingers gravitated south, landing where the two men joined together. âFuck,â Javier choked out, rubbing in circles around the wet rim, feeling the thrumming heat of his own cock, and wishing he had a better visual of them moving as one.
âLie on the floor.â In complete contrast, Horacioâs cadence was calm and in control, like he was directing his horse.
Javier did as he was told, his body cushioned by a thick grey, black, and ivory Zapotec rug.
Without hesitation, Horacio sat atop Javierâs thighs with his back to him, presenting the perfect view as though he had read Javierâs mind. As he re-seated himself, he reached behind, spreading his cheeks wider as he sunk lower.
A strangled whimper was drawn from Javierâs chest as he raised his head for a closer look once Horacio started to move. He ignored the strain in his neck and replaced Horacioâs hands with his own, each palm cupping and squeezing, pushing forward, fingernails clawing, urging his rider to go faster.
In response, Horacio deepened the roll of his hips and balanced his hands on the rug beneath them.
They had picked it out on a trip to San Antonio the previous year, one of their first joint purchases for the cottage. And now they were finally christening it, surrounded by an array of décor and furnishings they had chosen together since. For their own home, an unthinkable notion in the not-so-distant past. Yet here they were against all odds.
Javier grasped the latest addition to their household, pulling Horacio by the harness in all directions as though he was the jinete (horseman) steering the reins rather than the steed being mounted bareback. But Horacio was the one wearing a Stetson. The one in the saddle daily, strengthening and toning his muscles even more than they already were, and Javier could already feel the difference.
He let go of the harness, his fingertips skimming Horacioâs voluptuous upper arms, rump and thighs, caressing the tight leather cuffs, pressing the sharp chill of the buckles against fiery skin until a shockwave rippled through Horacio and straight to Javierâs cock.
As Javierâs hips involuntarily bucked, their rhythm faltering in a chorus of moans, Horacio was beginning to regret not utilising a belt or one of the lariats from the barn as restraints on Javierâs wrists. But he changed his mind when he felt a crisp slap across the ass like a quirt used with overzealous force. But unlike the horses â with whom he was always gentle  â Horacio had no objection to the sting left behind.
In fact, it only spurred Horacio on, his ass lifting higher with each strike, building momentum, one hand stimulating his own cock in tandem.
Javier could feel rather than see Horacio jerking off, and his pelvis began to automatically plough upwards again, trying and failing to keep in time when he was this far gone.
âHoracio,â Javier breathed out, his tone pleading, desperate and wrecked.
âTell me what you need.â Horacio wasnât going to make it as easy this time. If Javier wanted something, he would have to use his words.
âI need you on all fours.â
And so Horacio dismounted, willing and waiting to give Javier everything he asked for, a complete 180 in a matter of minutes.
Javier wasted no time and fell in place behind Horacio, lining himself up and propelling forwards with a rough thud, nails digging into hipbones hard enough to leave marks.
As Horacio took himself in hand once more, Javier slowed to bask in a bird's eye view of his cock disappearing and reappearing, his thumbs spreading Horacio wider to get a better look at where they became one. It would have been easy to take it for granted by this stage, but he never did, not when they had been forced apart by circumstance and geography so many times before.
Whilst Javier was distracted, Horacio threw back his hips, causing a hiss of pleasure that inspired him to do it again and again, his ass pounding against Javierâs groin.
Javier drove forward in retaliation, pulling Horacio towards him with a firm jerk on the harness, a dual wave of groans unleashing each time Javier manhandled him, the thick leather straps taut against Horacioâs clammy skin, hopefully leaving imprints from the force.
Javier yanked hard enough to raise Horacio up on his knees, cementing them back to chest, teeth, mouth and moustache going to town as Horacio craned his neck to meet the onslaught.
âDo you know how fucking good you look like this? HowâŠfuckingâŠbeautiful?â Javierâs declaration was broken up with each thrust as he resumed movement.
âItâs all for you,â Horacio purred between lip bites. âYour own cowboy to play with.â
With a muttered âFuck,â Javier pushed Horacio back down on all fours, toppling his Stetson to the floor, one hand gripping at the harness, the other at the nape of Horacioâs neck, his fingers fondling the gold chain that complemented the silver one at his own breast.
His hips hammered forward, no holds barred, as an all too familiar pressure built and threatened to consume him any second now. He glanced down, transfixed by his own fluid motions, entranced by how well Horacio held his cock, how Javier had tamed a once wild bronco who would have thrown off any other rider a long time ago. But not him, never him, so maybe he was more of a vaquero than he thought.
A combination of the visuals, the leather against his skin, and the tight heat squeezing and releasing around him took its toll. Javier let out a wounded gasp as though all the air had been knocked out of his lungs, his muscles tensing from head to toe as he watched his cock spasm and fill Horacio up.
As liquid warmth painted Horacio's walls, his wrist jolted and shook, sending him over the edge. He felt an extra weight on his back, the harsh scrape of teeth and words of encouragement at his ear as a hand took over from his own. Just the right pace and force, just how he liked it, just enough to make him coat Javierâs fingers, vision blurred, back arched.
They didnât move as the room came back into focus, letting their lungs and heart rates return to baseline. Before Horacio could collapse to the floor, Javier slowly pulled out, smearing glistening fingers around Horacioâs fluttering hole, mixing it in with his own release. His tongue swirled and lapped from behind, making Horacio tremble on his knees until they buckled, and he could take no more.Â
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The spark of a lighter and deep exhales of smoke were the only sounds to be heard for several minutes as they lay recovering in bed, the hard floor downstairs proving too much for their aching limbs, even with the rug for protection.
âSo, are you gonna tell me?â
âTell you what?â
âOh, come on. You know fucking well what.â
âDo I?â
âYes.â
âDoes it matter?â
âWellâŠno. Iâm just curious, thatâs all.â
âSurprised you havenât guessed. In fact, I kinda thought it was you dropping a hint.â
âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â
âIt was one of your old magazines that gave me the instructions on how to make it. And itâs not hard to get access to leather around here. The saddlers the ranch uses are well-stocked in almost everything. They donât need to know what itâs being used for.â
Whatever Javier had been expecting to hear, it wasnât that. When moving into the cottage, he had cleared out his old bedroom. Hidden in the depths of his wardrobe, beneath several layers of clothes, was a pile of magazines he never had the heart to throw away or burn, one of which was a Cowboy and Rodeo Special of Drummer.
Javier blew out a low chuckle as he passed their cigarette across the bed. âI wish I had been dropping a hint. AlthoughâŠlooks like you did fine without my influence. Always the dark horse.â
"Hey, they're your magazines, not mine."
"You read them. Cover to cover by the sounds of it."
"Just making up for lost time when I was younger."
"At least someone's getting use out of them. So, you ready for your first rodeo, now? Based on this afternoon, I'd put in a good word."
"Very funny."
Although, whilst Javier was, of course, joking, there were plenty of men like Horacio who did compete across Texas â without hiding who they were as well. He imagined Horacio would rather die in a stampede of raging bulls than partake in such a competition. But nonetheless, it was an appealing fantasy for Javier to indulge in from time to time.
His fingers traced patterns over Horacioâs thigh where the leather garter remained even after the harness and cuffs had come off, the leftover scent of sweat and semen on their skin fusing with the tobacco in the air. He had taken great pleasure and care in removing those; however, when it came to the garter, Javier placed a ring of kisses where the leather sat but left it in position.
âYou liked it, then?â
Javier gave Horacio an incredulous look as though the answer spoke for itself. But there was a hint of uncertainty behind the question, and it was only fair to provide reassurance. âI loved it. A lot. I donât really do birthdays, but youâve certainly made this one memorable. So, thank you.â
"My pleasure," Horacio murmured mid-kiss. "And it definitely beats my birthday."
"That wouldn't be hard."
The first few hours of Horacio's birthday were spent helping deliver calves and bedding down close by the expectant mothers every night for the following two weeks. He barely saw Javier other than at meal times, and it took multiple showers to wash the pungent barn aroma out of his hair.
âHadnât we better shower soon?â Horacio said with reluctance once they pulled apart. âDonât wanna keep your father waiting.â
Javier leaned over to look at the clock on the bedside table. âYeah, we should. Iâm starving now weâve worked up an appetite.â
âDo you want to do the honours?â Horacio gestured towards his thigh.
âKeep it on.â
Horacio could tell from the wicked glint in Javier's eye he wasnât joking. âYou do know I have to work with your father? And look him in the eye.â
âOh, come on, he wonât even notice. Not everyone checks you out as much as me, yâknow. Especially not my Pops. AndâŠâ Javier sat up and swung his leg across Horacioâs thigh until he was straddling him. âIt is still my birthday, remember.â
Despite such brazen tactics, Horacio met Javierâs mouth again, groaning gently as Javierâs teeth pulled on his bottom lip. âFine. As long as you can keep your hands to yourself through dinner.â
âIâll try my best.â
He could make no such guarantees after dinner, though.
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It took another week for the temperature to cool by several degrees, just in time for the residents of Laredo to visit neighbouring pumpkin patches, carve out Jack-oâ-lanterns and go Trick-or-Treating.
By the time Javier had finished work and picked up some groceries, Chucho was busy in the lounge blanketing a table with a white lace cloth before arranging two extra tiers on top decorated with papel picado. Nearby trays were full of items ready and waiting to be placed on the ofrenda, including a Talavera pitcher of water, pan de muerto, a plate of salt, fresh marigolds, Calaveras, and a familiar wooden box.
Chucho looked up at Javier, who stood in the doorway with a cardboard box. âAh, Javi, good timing. Pass those here.â
Javier held out a batch of fresh buñuelos delivered straight from Desde La Frontera. âNeed a hand?â
Chucho looked at Javier with pleasant surprise. âPlease, Mijo.â
Between them, they transferred everything from the trays to the table, Chucho directing where each item needed to be placed.
When it came to the wooden box, Chucho sat on the sofa to open it.
Javier watched silently from a few feet away, an ache forming in his chest when he saw the photos spread out on the furniture. But he pushed past it and sat in the adjacent armchair.
He looked closer at the pictures and reached into the pocket of his leather jacket. âThis needs to go on it too,â he said.
Chucho glanced up to see Javier clutching Marianaâs poetry book.
âOf course. She can tell us how much she liked Madrid. Which reminds meâŠâ
Chucho stood up and disappeared into his bedroom before reappearing with a card in his hand. âI always keep it by my bed, but it belongs on here.â
Chucho was holding an old prayer card of La Virgen de Guadalupe. âAbuela Rosa gave it to your MamĂĄ for her quinceañera, along with these. â Chucho lifted a string of rosary beads from the wooden box. âI think she cherished the card as a reminder of our ancestors. Even though your Abuela disapproved, your MamĂĄ had her own ideas about Guadalupe.â He couldnât help but laugh and shake his head with fondness.
âHow do you mean?â
âBack in the '60s, Guadalupe became the mascot for the farmersâ union protests â the ones your MamĂĄ marched on. She liked to think of her as someone who helped those in need. Do you remember her reading stories about the Aztecs? And Guadalupe, La Malinche and La Llorona?â
âYeah, I remember.â
Javier blinked, keeping his eyes closed for a fraction longer than was customary. The memory was fuzzy around the edges, but he could feel the warmth of his mother lying beside him on his bed, a book between them as she read aloud tales of their ancestors. Once he started getting drowsy, she would sing to him or stroke his hair and kiss him goodnight, the comforting sound of her favourite telenovelas drifting through his bedroom door as he fell into a deep sleep.
When he was even smaller and couldnât sleep after his older cousins convinced him La Llorona had been spotted in Laredo the previous night, his MamĂĄ soothed him with the advice she had been given by her mother to always pray a Hail Mary and an Our Father whenever near water before making a sign of the cross for protection.
However, Javier also remembered during the first few months after she was gone, he would have nightmares about La Llorona. Except in those dreams, his Mamå had taken on the appearance of the wailing spirit, and her ghost roamed along the banks of the Rio Grande, screaming for him. But no matter how hard he tried to get closer to her, she would move out of reach until he woke up screaming.
âThere have been so many versions of those stories since the days of the Aztecs, who knew Guadalupe as Coatlalopeuh, Tonantzin, or Coatlicue. La Llorona as Cihuacoatl. And La Malinche as Malinalli or Malintzin, or La Chingada. Some of those stories say they are all one and the same. And that the conquistadors made Guadalupe the Madonna above the others. Your MamĂĄ saw Guadalupe as a symbol of hope, a mediator between the Aztec and Catholic religions, uniting all the different parts of us and our roots. The light and the dark, the old world and the new, the conquered and the conqueror, the obedient and the rebellious, the eagle and the snake, the Mexican and the American.â
âNever thought of it like that when I was younger. But itâs beautiful.â
âIt is.â Chucho stood up and placed the prayer card on the altar.
âDâyou think itâs possible, though? To unite it all, I mean.â
âI think we have to try as much as we can. And learn to make peace with it when we canât. But I know itâs not easy.â
âMexico didnât seem far enough to run when I took the DEA job, even though it was never home. So, Colombia it was.â Javier couldnât help but laugh at his own confused logic in hindsight. âBut when we were in Manizales, I kept thinking about all the stories you told me about our family history â in the US and Mexico. And it justâŠhit me I was needed right here on the border. So, thank you, Pops.â
âFor what?â
âFor reminding me of my roots.â
âYour MamĂĄ helped out a lot here, but she always wanted to do more. And she would have done a whole lot more if sheâd had the chance. Sheâd have fought for yours and Horacioâs rights too, Iâm sure of it. I had a feeling youâd take after her one day.â
âBetter late than never, right?â
âRight. Sheâd be so proud of you and your work, Mijo. And so am I.â
A customary exchange of nods filled the silence that had become a trademark between father and son over the years when words seemed inadequate.
Chucho cleared his throat and turned to make one final check everything was in its rightful place on the ofrenda. âI think weâre about ready if you want to get Horacio.â
Javier headed next door with his Popsâ words â and his MamĂĄâs â echoing in his head. He thought about all the tangled threads that had run through him his whole life like the river he grew up on the bank of. It was ironic he could walk across bridges from Laredo into Mexico and back again, a confluence of his heritage. Yet there was always a gap that wouldnât close. A gap those who insisted on his name meaning shame with a n rather than rock with a ñ wouldnât let him close. All of the contradictions and dualities he had tried to reconcile, assuming in the past that he was expected to pick one or the other but never feeling qualified enough, resigning himself to an eternal conflict he could never win.
He thought about the people who crossed the invisible line in the earth every day, the one that instantly changed their identity and status whether they liked it or not, dividing and flattening their humanity into stereotypes and insults. The one that caused mothers separated from their children to cry like La Llorona and be condemned for finding themselves in desperate circumstances through no fault of their own. The one that led to Operations Hold the Line and Gatekeeper building walls and deploying an army of la migra, as Border Patrol were often called, to keep people out.
Maybe it was Javierâs recalcitrance, but the more the US government tried to put up borders â despite not thinking twice about violating those belonging to other countries â the more at ease he felt without them. After all, Texas had been part of Mexico in the past, as well as its own republic, and he had spent more than enough of his life trapped by self-imposed borders and walls already.
To be in a place like Laredo was to live on the margin of two countries and cultures, not one or the other. He was Mexican American, a Tejano. He had shared his heart and bed with women and men. Horacio was a closely guarded secret and a naked truth; they lived in the shadows and in the light. He was making a difference, yet it was a drop in the ocean of an ever-expanding problem. He regretted so much of what went down in Colombia, but not that he went in the first place, not only because of Horacio but because it brought him full circle. It brought him peace. It brought him home.
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As the clock struck midnight and welcomed in DĂa de los Difuntos, the ofrenda was aglow with candlelight, and the fresh scent of copal filled the farmhouse.
Horacio stood over the altar, his gaze fixed on the image of him in his PapĂĄâs jacket, his fatherâs usually stern expression relaxed andâŠproud. He had never really allowed himself to think of that word before. But as the veladoras flickered and swayed across the photograph his MamĂĄ had insisted he kept, he could no longer ignore it.
Beneath the photo lay the golden pendants, temporarily removed from Horacio's neck for the festivities, a glass of his PapĂĄâs favourite rum to match the one in his hand, and a plate of tamales.
âNot bad for a Colombian.â
âI guess I had a good teacher.â
âAfter dealing with a son determined not to follow in my footsteps, it makes a change to find someone more willing.â
Horacioâs eyes landed back on the photograph of him and his Pops before shifting to one of Mariana in her element at a Chicano civil rights march with a toddling Javier by her side, a bittersweet smile taking hold of his lips. âFunny how it works out.â
âTrue. But as long as it does, that's the main thing. Even if itâs not what you expected.â
âIâll drink to that.â
âWhat are we toasting?â Javier asked as he came in from the kitchen with two glasses of his MamĂĄâs mezcal of choice, passing one over to Chucho.
Chucho gave a nod of thanks and raised his glass. âTo endings and beginnings. And reunions.â
The next couple of hours were spent telling stories, reminiscing, remembering. Welcoming the past into the present, letting it know there was still a future.
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Chucho retreated to bed first, leaving Javier and Horacio to finish their drinks by the fire, which had burned down to its last mesquite log.
After placing their empty glasses in the kitchen, Javier stopped by the ofrenda on his way back to the sofa. His eye caught the selection of sugar skulls on display, each delicate design bearing the name of a departed loved one. Although, there were, in fact, two each for Mariana and Eduardo.
Javier traced his finger across the one which read Mariana Rosa Reyes Estrada, a pair of arms gathering tightly around his waist simultaneously.
âI never knew her with this name. She left Estrada behind in Mexico. Before she married, she was Mariana Reyes. Then she took Popsâ name âcos thatâs the gringo way. And to make all the paperwork easier, I was just a Peña, too. But Pops likes to welcome her home with her Mexican and American names. In case she gets lost, he always says.â Javier released an affectionate chuckle at the expense of his Popsâ superstitions.
âHe told me when he asked for my fatherâs full name.â Horacio smiled into Javierâs shoulder as he reached towards the skull that read Eduardo Horacio Carrillo Acosta.
He repeated the same motion across the shared part of his and his PapĂĄ's name. âThe CNP prefer you choose one name when you enlist. So, of course, we all followed suit â MamĂĄ included. And she left Sierra behind when she changed her papers.â
âSeems like we all have to leave parts of ourselves behind one way or another.â
âTrue. But if weâre lucky, we find them again somewhere down the line.â
Javier hummed in agreement as a trail of kisses soothed at his neck.
âWhen was the last time you did this, by the way?â Horacio asked as he traced idle patterns over Javierâs stomach.
âDĂa de Muertos? FuckâŠI canât even remember. When I was in Colombia, I always came home for Christmas â but not before. Pops never made a big deal out of it, but I could tell he was disappointed.â
âIâm sure he understood. And at least youâre here now.â
âI know. I think I just needed to do it in my own time.â
âSame here. So, thank you. To you and your father.â
âFor what?â
âLetting me be a part of it. I think itâs something Iâve needed to do for years.â
âHoracio, of course youâre a part of it. Youâre a part of the family.â Javierâs fingers found Horacioâs, lacing them together with ease above the belt of his jeans. âTĂș eres mi familia.â (Youâre my family)
âY tĂș eres mĂa.â (And youâre mine)
âI was thinking about tomorrowâŠwell, technically, later today. I, er, wondered if you wanted to watch the parade downtown. Then maybe head over to the cemetery with Pops. It's fine if itâs too much. I get it. I just thought maybe ââ
âItâs okay.â Horacio cut him off, turning him around until they were face-to-face then forehead-to-forehead. âIâd love to.â
As the last embers of mesquite turned to ash, they knelt in front of the soft glow of the ofrenda, fingers connecting with their silver cross encased between their palms. A final attempt to welcome home those who had shaped so much of their children's lives, even in their absence, and sometimes in the most unexpected ways.
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Echoes of drumbeats filled downtown Laredo by late afternoon, accompanied by a rainbow of papel picado along every street and a sea of Catrinas and Catrins. Children and adults alike wore masks or calavera face paint and marigolds in their hair, the intricate details of their costumes no doubt requiring months of preparation.
Food and drink stalls had seemingly popped up overnight, selling everything from pan de muerto, pozole and tamales to alegrĂa, gorditas, marranitos and champurrado. It was impossible not to get swept from stand to stand, and fears of Javier and Horacio being scrutinised by anyone they happened to bump into were soon allayed. The hustle and bustle of the festivities made them anonymous yet at one with the city, as they were all here for the same reason.
Floats, dancers and puppets passed through the main roads, a spectacle Javier hadnât witnessed in years. As a teen, the last thing he felt like doing was celebrating when it came to his MamĂĄâs passing. She wasnât supposed to have gone so soon. But nowadays, he could appreciate the care and respect involved in honouring the dead. He could look back on the precious memories and not feel the need to push them away. He could accept the duality of grief and love, not as contradictions but as two sides of the same coin.
As they followed the procession at the end of the parade, making their way towards the cemetery to meet Chucho, Javier caught Horacioâs eye with a silent question. One that Horacio answered with a firm nod, reassurance that they were still on the same page.
So much had changed since Horacio was last here for DĂa de Muertos, not least of all the fact Javier was with him this time and had since met his family. And Escobar was dead, of course. His PapĂĄ was no longer a choking force around his neck but a warm presence that sat more comfortably on his chest. Not weightless, but manageable now.
Although darkness had fallen by the time they arrived at the cemetery, a sea of candles and lanterns lit the gravesides like an endless night sky, each one guiding the way home, even if just for one day. The celebrations from earlier continued, some families singing, drinking and eating. Others prayed or sat with blankets and hot drinks, telling stories and keeping memories alive.
Chucho had been busy when it was still light, clearing out dried flower stems and polishing Marianaâs headstone. Now, fresh marigolds were arranged around the candles, their strong fragrance carrying across the cemetery.
They were greeted with pats on the back and a glass of mezcal. A lowkey toast and short prayers were all they had planned, preferring to save the rest for the privacy of home.
âI just wanted to say thank you. To both of you for coming.â
âAny time, Pops. Iâd forgotten how beautiful this place looks all lit up.â
âIt reminds me of DĂa de las Velitas back in Colombia. People light candles and lanterns at cemeteries like this. Not that I could bring myself to join them after PapĂĄ.â
âThereâs still time.â Javier held Horacioâs gaze through the flickering half-light, making the most of the only gesture he could give in public.
âI know.â
âItâs quieter here usually. A nice place to think. And sheâs always been a good listener. So, if you ever need some breathing space, Iâm sure sheâd be all ears.â
âIâll bear that in mind.â Horacio mirrored Chuchoâs soft smile before laying down a tasteful wreath of marigolds heâd bought from one of the street vendors on their way here.
Javier watched with a growing warmth in his chest as his past, present and future collided once again. A first meeting of sorts, even if it wasnât how it should have been. Even if it was built on memories and traditions, on prayers and stories, it was still real.
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Slivers of silver reflected off the dark waters beyond the farmâs boundaries, the stars above shimmering like distant fireflies. Southern Texan Decembers were mild, but there was a chill to the air after sundown, especially by the river bank. However, it was nothing a blanket or two couldnât fix.
Horacio was propped against a mesquite tree with Javier sitting between his legs, one blanket beneath them and the other draped over them. Coco stood watch nearby, her reins looped around a branch as she chomped on her favourite treat of apple slices â a reward for tonightâs extra work.
They shared a flask of Manizalesâ finest coffee between Horacio lightly massaging Javierâs scalp and temples. It had been a hectic few days, from Chucho roping them into Las Posadas preparations to the farm being short-staffed in the past week due to seasonal colds and flu and the border seeing a higher influx of crossings in the build-up to the holidays.
Apart from a Christmas dinner or two, they werenât expecting to take much time off over the festive period, but tonight was all about them. They had miraculously managed to escape work on time before driving to Desde La Frontera for a meal that was starting to become an anniversary tradition.
Javier played with Horacioâs hands, pressing kisses into his knuckles and pausing over his left wrist. âYou like it, then?â
âVery much.â
âI know itâs not quite a garter or harness, butâŠâ Javier trailed off, his shoulders and abdomen shaking in tandem.
âThe strapâs the same colour, though.â One of Horacioâs hands snaked along Javierâs form, tickling at the waistband of his jeans enough to make him squirm.
âOh really? Hadnât noticed.â
âLiar.â
âMaybe. But it does suit you.â
Of course, Javier was banged to rights. He had spent considerable time picking out the watch, knowing Horacio preferred something digital â for pinpoint accuracy â and practical. Horacio had never got around to replacing his old one that was stopped by the ambush, so it was a long overdue replacement.
But if it also happened to be a gentle reminder of certain escapades every time he looked down at it, well...that was an added bonus. As was the thought of Horacio wearing Javierâs gift buckled around his wrist every day, the strap tight enough to leave a mark on his sun-kissed skin.
âLikewise with your present.â
âI dunno about that. I think you wear it better.â
âYouâre the homegrown Texan boy, not me.â
âYouâre the fucking cowboy, not me.â
Horacioâs fingers on his right hand took a firmer hold of Javierâs hair, coaxing him to turn around and abandon the flask he had just brought to his lips. âTechnicallyâŠyou own part of the ranch and farm. So, itâs about time you had a Stetson.â
Their lips met over Javierâs shoulder, still warm and tingling from the coffee.
âFair point.â Javier picked up the flask again and downed whatever was left before it went cold. âWe got any more of this, by the way?â
âNot âtil next week. I told Alejandra to bring as much as she can fit in her luggage.â
âWell, thereâll be plenty of suitcases to choose from.â
âI know. Iâm not sure your father knows what heâs let himself in for.â
âOh, donât worry, he knows from when my cousins and I were kids. And he gets to play host, so heâll be in his element.â
âHeâs already given me a list of groceries to pick up on the way back from the livestock auction in Hondo.â
âWhenâs that again?â
âThe day before my family arrives. Not ideal timing, but couldnât really say no to more experience.â
âYou still shadowing Gus Montoya?â
âYeah, heâs been in the trade since he was 16, and heâs one of the best in the business now. I thought I should be involved before we start buying the new Santa Gertrudis and Longhorns for this place next year.â
âThe paddocks are gonna be in these lower fields here, right?â Javier gestured towards a recently cleared stretch of land with the newly installed gate separating it from the ranch next door.
âYes. Itâll be easier to move everything back and forth without disturbing the other fields. Then, once the new herdâs settled in, we can expand the stables, get in some more Morgans and Quarter Horses. Maybe diversify the cover crops for next winter.â
âSounds good.â An unseen smile had spread across Javierâs face, the novelty of listening to Horacio talk ranch business not having worn off yet. All those years he tuned out whenever his Pops did the same, yet he never tired of hearing Horacioâs plans.
âIt keeps me out of trouble.â
âShame.â
âThatâs not until next year, thoughâŠâ Horacio trailed off, his lips devouring Javierâs neck, nibbling until Javier wriggled in his hold.
âWell, we better make the most of this before your family arrives.â
Horacio hummed in agreement, his mouth still buried in Javierâs shoulder. âEspecially as thereâs a quick turnaround before New Yearâs.â
âTrue. I take it Felipe and Juana are still okay to come?â
âI forgot to tell you â I spoke to him earlier. Juanaâs feeling much better now the morning sickness has passed. And with Cali gone and FARC taking up more and more CNP resources in the jungle, itâs mostly turf wars between the smaller gangs in MedellĂn. So, MartĂnez authorised his leave, and theyâre flying out on the 30th.â
âGlad to hear it. Itâs all good on the Miami front as well. They arrive the same day, late afternoon, once Connieâs finished her shift and Steveâs picked Olivia up from his parentsâ house.â
âOkay, good. So, everythingâs sorted then.â
âNot quiteâŠI still need to clean out the guesthouses. Donât think our old oneâs been done since the Navarro Vega family left.â
âAt least itâs still getting used since we moved out.â
âYeah, well, I guess someone always needs it. Especially with IIRIRA coming into force. So many more fucking deportations. So many people taking bigger risks âcos they've got no choice.â Javier exhaled harshly through his nose.
He ran his fingers over his moustache and chin, pressing his thumb into his jaw and resting his face in his hand. âItâs starting to feel like the old days again.â
âBut itâs not, Javier. Youâre on the other side of it all this time.â
âItâs not just the border, though, is it?â
âWhat isnât?â
âLegislation that could have us arrested for fucking in the privacy of our own home.â
âWeâve always been careful.â
âWe thought we were careful back in Colombia, Horacio. And look where that got us.â
Javier didnât think about those days much anymore if he could help it. Neither man did, except on specific dates or bad days if they were unlucky. But it was hard to shake the sense of paranoia in light of what the laws of his own state had to say about his sex life. It wasnât far-fetched to imagine someone like Mia DomĂnguez spying on them through a long lens, waiting to catch them out.
âTrue. Thereâll always be a risk. But people like us have always existed under the radar. And weâve been here over a year now, remember. Anyone whoâs got a problem with us has already made their feelings perfectly clear. The rest either donât know or don't give a fuck. Our story doesnât have to end like the one you showed me in The New Yorker.â
âI know.â
Javier had been in two minds about whether to share it. But Horacio insisted he was the one to be read to for a change, preferring to hear the evocative imagery of the wild American landscape from the mouth of a Texan. The parallels were undoubtedly there between the glossy magazine pages and elements of their lives â but luckily, not all of it rang true for them.
âFor a start, they were sheepherders from Wyoming,â Javier added with a tone of defiance.
âExactly. Completely different.â
âYep.â Javier exhaled loudly, his mind already returning to his previous stubborn thought. "But itâs the same government smoke and mirrors shit all over again. The same fucking hypocrisy. If it's not chasing people down the river or letting them die in the desert, itâs drug shipments they made easier to transport here in the first place. Or youâve got couples like us crossing over looking for safety, only to run into fucking sodomy laws. Itâs never gonna stop.â
It was the same sleight of hand tactics Javier had seen before. Legislation made thousands of miles away would claim to solve a problem whilst exacerbating it on the frontline. Whether it was drugs or human beings, they proved time and time again that they couldnât be contained by a border or a statute book. Whether it was Border Patrol or the DEA, choppers would fly over the river at night, fruitlessly chasing traffickers despite the extra budget. If the usual border crossings were out of bounds, people would risk more remote or treacherous spots to try their luck.
It wasnât unheard of for them to emerge from clusters of trees like the one they were sitting in now, drenched and shaking from the cold and dehydration. Or for Javier to be ready and waiting with towels, a change of clothes, a hot shower, or food and drink. Some would present themselves willingly to the authorities, others would disappear, never to be seen or heard from again. If anyone ever asked, Javier had seen and knew nothing.
âAnd neither are you. Look at all the people youâve helped already. You might not be able to save everyone, but youâre making the difference you always wanted to make.â
Horacio coaxed Javier to face him again, cupping his jaw and rubbing a thumb over his stubbled cheek. âEstoy orgulloso de ti.â (Iâm proud of you)
Javier closed his eyes, basking in Horacioâs touch and closing the gap between them. âY yo de ti.â (And I of you)
Easy kisses followed â the kind that were grounding and familiar, safe and timeless.
They rode back to the cottage with only the moon and stars guiding the way. Horacio clasped Cocoâs reins whilst Javier held onto his waist from behind, making the most of the idyllic evening spent alone. Because even here, they knew it couldnât always be like this. But despite all that life would throw at them in the years to come, they would be there for each other, to grow and change, to sail in the same direction, even if not always in the same boat. To make peace with the past, to live in the present, and to look to the future on their own terms.
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Burnt oranges and yellows filled the stone fireplace, the crackling of charred mesquite wood accompanying the dulcet tones of Elvis on the turntable. A fresh pine tree stood in the corner opposite a set of bookshelves, its white lights and a row of candles on the mantlepiece casting a soft glow across the lounge.
By next year, they would have to re-think the room's layout as the shelves were almost out of space. They had transferred all of their old books, records and tapes when they moved in â two poetry books in particular taking pride of place â which now sat alongside newly purchased or gifted titles from the likes of Fernando Vallejo, E.M. Forster, John Rechy, Gloria E. AnzaldĂșa, Alejo DurĂĄn, Linda Ronstadt, K.D. Lang, Vicente FernĂĄndez, Walt Whitman, Pedro AlmodĂłvar and Gregg Araki. And no doubt there would be further additions to their collection on Christmas Day.
Luna was the sole canine guest tonight, her bond with Horacio somehow stronger again since Kiraâs and Fuegoâs arrival. Sol and Leo had grown increasingly fond of their new playmates in the last few months, so it was often the three of them in the cottage nowadays. Horacio hadnât discussed it with Chucho, but he hoped she would stay with them permanently â and see out her retirement years â once the new cattle were in place.
She lay in her favourite chair, fast asleep with her head on the armrest and oblivious to their return home beyond a drowsy wag of the tail, before resuming her dreams.
âYou had a good day, then?â Javier asked from the comfort of Horacioâs shoulder, their arms wrapped around each other as they gently swayed to the music.
Horacio let out a contented hum of approval, burying himself against Javierâs shirt, breathing all of him in. âIt was perfect.â
âIt was.â
âAlthoughâŠI think thereâs one thing missing.â
âOh yeah? Whatâs that?â
âYour present.â
Javierâs chest shook, and something that sounded remarkably like âYou fuckerâ was sworn against the crook of Horacioâs neck, followed by a sharp nip of the teeth.
âItâs only fair.â Horacio tried to keep an authoritative edge to his tone. But it was far from convincing when he ended up laughing as much as Javier.
âActuallyâŠitâs only fair if you wear your hat too.â Another neck bite, accompanied this time by a trail of kisses along the open collar of Horacioâs red plaid shirt, shoving the bandana aside for easier access. âDeal?â
Horacioâs back arched involuntarily, the rumble threatening to escape from his throat tempered into an elongated sigh instead. Not much of a win, but heâd take it. âDeal.â
And so Javier fetched the Stetsons from the coat hook in the hallway whilst Horacio switched records once Elvis had finished.
Javier lowered Horacioâs hat into place, encouraging Horacio to do the same with his.
âSatisfied?â Javier asked once they resumed their embrace, the cumbia beats of Lucho BermĂșdez now replacing Elvis.
Horacioâs fingers slid from Javierâs waist to the belt loops of his jeans, pulling him forward until their lips met and the brims of their hats jutted together. âI am nowâŠcowboy.â
They let another vinyl play before undressing, every movement sensual and considered as they removed boots and unbuckled belts between slow, thorough kisses. With hats relegated to the couch for now, Javier untied the silk bandana from Horacioâs neck, teasing smooth fabric along the nape and tossing it to the floor, revealing faded tan lines from the unforgiving summer months. Buttons from their plaid shirts were next, followed by jeans and underwear, chestnut lost in charcoal as they stood bare in each otherâs arms but for the silver and gold pendants.
Neither felt the need to give into temptation, not yet, at least. Instead, they put on another record and danced, hand in hand, skin against skin, soul against soul. Because they were never in a rush anymore; now they had all the time in the world. Now they were home.
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