#;; its so weird how its been two years ... i was so proud of this blog when i first made all the blog for it and photoshopped images | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pixelatedraindrops · 3 months

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Hello everyone!! Today I grow a year older :3 (and I hate it lmao) FEEL FREE TO REPLY BIRTHDAY WISHES IF YOU WANT :3

So, over the time I've come back here, I've become pretty confident and proud of my once hidden passion about sick characters, sickfics and sick comfort/whump... 🌡️

And you all have been so supportive and sweet despite my weirdness so I thank you for that. You helped me feel more confident in my otherwise weird fixation <3 So, for my birthday I thought I'd try and make up a little drawing challenge for anyone who wants to give it a try... There are soo many talented artists on this site (and in this fandom)

So... It's your turn to target your faves now. You will see how fun it is and hopefully understand why I love doing it so much. 😈🌡️

(plus it's my birthday and I require some sustenance LMAO JKJK)

But yeah anyone can join in. This is just for fun though! You don't have to if you don't want to! I think its okay to ask for some food on my birthday though...right?? X'D So if you wanna do sth for my birthday...then... 👉👈 💦

CHALLENGE BELOW~

DRAW YOUR FAVE ON A SICK DAY CHALLENGE🌡️😷🥵🤧

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(Mmmmkay, I am lying to myself when I say this isn't mostly aimed at the RainCode community... X'D Can't help myself. But anyone can join regardless of the fandom!!)

So here's the challenge and the rules!! (featuring my two main lil targets ofc :3)

Regardless of who it is, put your fave through some sickness hell >:3c I'd love to see it! Make em' as miserable as you want!

destroy them 😈 jkjk XD

If you're in the RainCode community you can target anyone, but as you know, my main targets are Yuma and Makoto. If they're also your faves and who you decide to use, that will make me extra happy!

Some tips for anyone new to drawing a sick day scenario art. A few things that make it look convincing are the following:

Pajamas or Loungewear

Messy Bed Hair

Fever flushed face w sweat or at least a red nose

Tired Eye bags

Shivery body

Ice Pack or a Compress on the head

Thermometer sticking from their mouth

LOTS OF BLANKETS

Tissues or medicine surrounding them

Tea or Soup (or both)

Those are just to name some from the top of my head. If you'd like some pointers on how to make a character look ill, check out my Fever Coloring Guide. This is for digital artists but traditional artists can try it too!

You can add injury or angst to the scene but I'd like illness to be the main focus of it.

The scene can be anything you want to, it can be fluffy and wholesome (with a caretaker) it can be angsty, or it can be silly. Its all up to you! Do it for the sake of fluff! Caretaking scenes are the best for any kind of relationship >w<

Either way, have fun with it!! I look forward to see what people make if they decide to give it a try! It doesn't even have to be a full on picture! Doodles and sketches are fine too! Just show me something >w<

(feel free to tag me and say happy b-day and mention my challenge, I am proud to be known for this and would love for many to participate :3) I wanna see you take a go at it :3 Show me your style! :D

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(wow look at me misspelling the word writing on text when I did it fine with my own hands lol)

Now, I know not everyone can draw...

Well never fear! I accept writing as well! ✍️✍️✍️

(hi vivia lol sorry for giving you a cold, at least you have an excuse to read and do nothing now haha x3)

Sickfics are one of the biggest things I live for! Any little drabbles or full fics with more than one chapter are welcome! Again target who you want any fandom you want, but I'll def be super happy if you make a RainCode fic. And even happier if you target my faves as well, but again, anything will do! Just make a cute story about your fave being miserable and being tended to! Trust me, it's super fun!

You can add injury or angst to the scene but I'd like illness to be the main focus of it.

Feel free to post your writing here and tag me or mention my AO3!

If you need a start to your fic, look on my blog for illness prompts! Maybe it can help give you a good start or give some inspiration! (thats why I share 'em :3)

I look forward to anything you try to write!

That's about all!! I hope you decide to participate! ✨

Good luck, have fun, and godspeed you future whumpers! 😈

(nah jk XD)

AGAIN THIS IS FOR FUN! NO PRRSSURE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO!

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footiehoemcfc · 1 year

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A sip, and you score

Hello :), this is my first John fic, ngl I'm nervous bc its my first time writing for him. Anyway, if you have any ideas or request you can send them to me I will gladly do them :). My master list is pinned in my blog if you want to check it out. Fluff, smut, tw none, 2.8k words.

To say this season for John has been amazing is an understatement. He was selected for the England world cup squad, he is now challenging for the title again, UCL semis again, the FA cup final and having played in different positions and out of his comfort zone so well. You were very excited for him and so proud of all the hard work he has done, seeing it payoff is amazing.

You and John started dating during Covid year. It was a very weird way to start a relationship, to quarantine with someone you had met for just 2 months. In a way, it was the best thing that could’ve happened to both of you. You had someone to spend a lot of time with, at times where it could become quite boring. You got to know him more than anyone and discover that actually, you two were perfect for each other. When you two first started dating, he was struggling to get into the team. It sucked seeing him sad and upset but seeing the progress he has made from that time to now; it just amazes you.

You were currently cuddled up to him, his arms around your waist and his chest pressed to your back. It was early in the morning and you knew his alarm would be annoying you at any second. Today was a big day, they were playing against Arsenal at home. John had told you he was not nervous but excited for this game. You on the other hand, you were very nervous because you know how south a game can go.

You don’t know why, but you woke up with a very different feeling this morning than the feeling you had last night about the game. You felt in your gut they would win, and John having scored already and played amazingly you had a feeling he could score again. You didn’t want to jinx it, but you also wanted to let him know how sure you were and how confident you felt in him.

You got up from bed carefully to not wake your sleeping boyfriend so he could enjoy 5 more minutes of sleep. You went straight to the kitchen to make yourself and John a cup of tea. You noticed the time, it was 8:55 am. You noticed how many tea bags were left, 5. You noticed you had unread messaged from last night, 5. You remembered a scene from the movie you binged with John last night, Focus. How they made someone choose the exact player they wanted him to choose to win a bet by making the man see the number 5 the whole day and subconsciously pick 55. All of these 5’s was giving you even more of a better feeling. You were always a big believer in intuition and going with your gut.

You were thinking about all of this while making tea and jumped a little when you felt two strong arms wrap around your waist. “Morning my love” John said kissing your cheek. “Hi baby”, you stopped doing what you were doing, turned around and hugged him. Once you pulled away, John went outside so your dog could go potty and to take the trash out.

John came back in and sat in the stool from the kitchen bar looking at his phone. You finished up the tea and placed his mug in front of him. “Are you excited about today?” you asked taking a sip from your tea. He placed his phone on the table and looked back at you, “Yea, I feel like it’s going to be a good game honestly”. “I have a good feeling too” “How? You said you were nervous last night” he says laughing. You laughed as well, you were scared but all these signs gave you a good feeling. Before John could take the first sip of his tea, you wanted to tell him it was different today. “I made a different tea today and… a sip of it means your scoring today so” you said playfully and proudly. “Is that so? You are making like a magic tea for me then?” he asked smiling. “Yea, I woke up with a good feeling today” “alright then” he takes a sip from his mug and smiles. He takes another one and soon enough he finishes his tea. “I guess I’m scoring a goal today then” he says smirking and you laugh. “If you do actually score, I want a bit of credit” you say as he comes closer to you. He grabs your face gently and kisses you. “You will get more than that”, you smirk when he says this knowing exactly what he means.

John went back to his room to shower and leave to the training center before the game. Meanwhile you started doing work stuff to be free in the evening since you were attending the game. “Okay my love I’m off” John appears in your little office like space to kiss you goodbye. “Bye baby”, you both hug each other tightly like you do before every single game. He kisses you lovingly, “good luck yea? I know you are going to be so great today” you said smiling against his lips. He kisses you one more time before he has to leave.

As excited as you were, you always had that thought in the back of your head of “what if they actually lose?” but you distracted yourself with work stuff, house chores and organizing your stuff around the house.

It was near 6 pm and you started getting ready to go to the stadium. His family would all be there today, as well as some of the other teammates girlfriends which you have gotten very close with. Once you were satisfied with your makeup and outfit, you headed to your car. The whole ride to the stadium was filled with John’s playlist and it kind of made your nervousness go away, at least for a little bit.

You were the first one in the box and you could see the staff arranging a banner they would display and the players warming up on the pitch. Before every game you would text John a quick message consisting of I love you and Good luck. This time, it included something else. “Already at the stadium! I love you and good luck! Score that goal for me please ;)”.

Everyone else arrived to the box, you greeted his mom, dad, sister and Sasha who was in the box next to you. “I need them to win otherwise Jack gets so moody and it’s annoying” you laughed at Sashas’s joke. You were in between John’s sister and Sasha watching the game. The atmosphere was amazing, the stadium was bouncing. Everyone knew how important this game would be in order to win the title this season.

The ref blew the whistle and not even 10 minutes in, Kevin scored the opener causing the whole stadium to roar. The game was looking good. You were holding either Sasha’s hand or fidgeting with your bracelets from the anxiety you had. Just before half time, they gained a free kick. You knew John loves his header goals, so you were excited to see if it would be a goal from him. Kevin made a really good pass and John was able to put it in the net. You all stood up once the ball went in, screamed but not even for a second. The goal was ruled as offside. “For fuck’s sake man” you said sitting down and covering your face. “They need to probably check it, damn that looked like a great goal” John’s sister told you. “Yea they are checking look” Sasha says pointing to the screen. “I really need him to score otherwise I will look like an idiot and disappoint him” you said while biting down on your nails, “what? What do you mean?” Sasha asked chuckling. “Oh god, I woke up today with a good feeling he would score and I told him, I was very confident and now if he doesn’t I will feel dumb” you said almost laughing know realizing it was just dumb coincidence all the signs you saw. “Oh my god look!” Sasha says pointing to the screen. The green line. It was a goal. You fucking called. “Yes!! I called it! Oh my god!”. Once the referee gave the goal, the whole stadium and all the players started celebrating and singing John’s song. You were so happy for him, and you saw he blew you kiss from the pitch after celebrating.

The whole second half, city were playing amazingly with Kevin scoring another goal and Erling in the last minutes scoring one as well. You were so happy for the team, but you were even happier for John. You knew how much it meant to him the fans singing his name and making them proud.

While you waited for John in the player’s lounge, you caught up with his family and some of the other wives and girlfriends. You still felt a lot of adrenaline form the game but the only thing you wanted to do right now was to hug and kiss John and say, “I told you so”.

You saw your tall boyfriend enter the room and greet his parents first. They hugged him and congratulated him on the win and the goal. Once he saw you, he couldn’t help but just laugh to himself knowing exactly what you were about to say. He hugged you tight and kissed your temple. “I might more of your magic tea for the rest of the season” he whispered in your ear. You just laughed, pulled away just enough to see his face and give him a kiss. “I told you” you said smiling against his lips and he just chuckled. Once he talked to his parents and sister a bit more, they informed him he had to do some post-match interview. “I won’t be long yea, let me know when you get home yea?” he kisses your temple and leaves to the media room. You said your goodbyes to everyone and arrived safe at home.

You made something quick to eat before John arrived so you could both just go to bed peacefully. Once you were done eating and cleaning up in the kitchen, you went upstairs to your bedroom and started getting ready for bed. You changed into your little shorts and a just a training bra. You pulled out your face wash, moisturizer, eye cream and oils to do your skin care. While you were washing your face, you heard the front door open meaning John was already home. “Babe?” John called out for you, “In the bathroom” you yelled out.

You felt his two strong arms wrap around your waist while you were just applying moisturizer on your face. He gave started kissing your cheek, your shoulder and neck. Once he reached your sweet spot, you didn’t even realize you had stopped moving and just enjoying his kisses. “You said you wanted me to give you credit right” John whispered in your neck. You closed your eyes while his hand started touching your stomach, waist and finally comping up and cupping your breasts. “John” you moaned out, you turned around and immediately kissed him. It was a rough but loving kiss. His hand on your waist, your hands grabbing his neck and pulling on his hair. He lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around his torso. He carried you to bed, laid you down and kept making out with him in the process. He was on top of you kissing you, but he stood up and removed his hoodie and his joggers. He came back down and started kissing your lips again. Your hands roamed all over his toned body.

After just kissing and making out for a little bit, you wanted to make him feel good after the game today. You tried to push him so you could be on top, but he stopped you “I thought I had to give you credit” he said smiling against your lips. “Yea, but I want to make you feel good”. He agreed and you were now on top of him. He was laying down while you were sitting on his lap. You stared slowly removing your bra so your breasts could be free. Once you threw your bra to the other side of the room, John came back up to you and nuzzled his face in between your breasts kissing them causing you to moan. Your hand pulling his hair, him gripping your hips, you rolling them so you could feel his bulge in your core. “Take this off” he said pulling your shorts down. You took your mini shorts off and now were completely naked straddling him.

“Lay down babe” you whispered in his ear. He laid back down, you stood up and started removing his boxers. One off, you took him in the palm of your hand and started stroking him making him close his eyes and moan at your touch. You started slowly and after a minute, you place your mouth on him. He grabbed your hair, making you go up and down. As much as you loved how John always wanted to make you feel good, feel his face in between your legs, you loved making him feel good and making him cum. You didn’t want to finish just yet. You wanted to do it at the same time as him.

“Baby, if you keep going I’m gonna cum” John says in between moans. You were on your knees bobbing your head up and down when he said this. You started coming back up to his face slowly, kissing all over his abs and torso, his chest, neck and finally his lips. You lined up your wet core with his cock and sank down in it. Once he was fully in you, it felt so good. You had your eyes closed, moaning while he watched and loved the view. This was his favorite position, you riding his cock. You started bouncing up and down, your breasts as well and John started moaning at the sight of you. “Oh my god John”, it felt so good.

“I’m close” he started moaning, his hand firm gripping your hips helping you bounce on his cock. “Me too baby” you moaned out. You felt his hands leave your hips and grab your breasts. You lowered your hand down to your clit to feel your orgasm even more, turning John on more. He came up to you, now face to face to kiss you. He removed your hand from your clit and replaced them with his. You were both panting and moaning in each other’s mouth. “I’m cuming John” “Me too my love” “Cum with me baby”, it didn’t take long for both of you to see stars and cum at the same time.

Straddling him, both of you just hugged riding out your high. He kissed your neck and chest lovingly. You pulled away to see his face and give him a kiss. He moved your strands of hair out of your face so he could see you properly. Your face was flushed and a bit sweaty like him. “I fucking love fucking you” John whispered against your mouth making you smile. “I love fucking you too” you replied chuckling. “Was that enough credit for the goal or do you need more?” “Mmmm maybe in the morning I can get more credit”, both of you laughed.

Once you got cleaned up, you were too tired from the activities that took place. John made sure the front door was locked and all the lights were turned off. Once he returned back into the room, he laid down in bed and pulled you as close as possible to him. Your nose was bumping his, his hand around your waist and your hands on his chest and cupping his face. “I didn’t tell you before but, you played really good today. I love seeing you play so good because I know it means you are in a good place” he just smiled at what you said and kissed your nose. “Well I wouldn’t be in a good place if it wasn’t for you, you know?”, “what do you mean” you were confused now. “Ever since we’ve been together, I feel like you’ve been the one person in my life who has cared about me, like how I actually feel outside of football. You’re always at the games supporting me even if I don’t play, you’re the only person I want to see after a loss. I know I haven’t really said it but I’m very grateful for all of that” His comment made you smile and blush a little. You were happy that he appreciated you being a supportive girlfriend. “Well I just want to make sure you’re happy you know? I hated seeing you upset when you didn’t play or didn’t get called up. I’m really proud of how far you’ve come” “Thank you babe”. He kissed you, “I love you, more than anything” “Me too John, more than anything”.

#john stones #John Stones x reader #John Stones fan fiction #John Stones imagine #footballer x reader #John Stones fluff #John Stones smutt

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poohsources · 5 months

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HELLO EVERYONE! as the year is slowly but surely coming to its end, and i'm now home for the holidays, i thought it was finally time to make another one of these. partially to give a little update on what's been going on in my life and partially as some sort of retrospect for this past year and a look into my plans for next year.

looking back, it's been quite an eventful year — especially when compared to the weird covid years we had to deal with previously. the biggest change was probably my dropping out of college to start a dual studies program in law. i did like my college program just fine ( until i didn't anymore ) but i really feel like law is my thing. and apparently everyone else in my circle of family and friends thinks so as well because i seem a hell of a lot happier than i did before. kinda unfortunate it took me seven years since quitting high school to figure that bit out, but hey, at least i got there in the end. it's been quite time-consuming, and i feel like in those past five months, i've already learned more than i did in all my years of college, but it's fun. i also finally got some new friends my age again. it's also strange to think back that just one year ago i was still struggling financially and just generally dealing with some bad mental health stuff.

i'm actually happy now.

in terms of tumblr and roleplaying, i gotta be honest that i have been sidelining it a lot over the last months. sure, i'm still around but it's not my primary focus, and i'm learning that it's okay not to be online all the time. it's okay to take breaks and focus on other things because as much as i love this blog, the community and tumblr, there are some more important things now. still, i am and always will be eternally grateful to every single person who supports me - whether it is by liking or reblogging posts, sending asks or messages, following me or using any of my stuff. it means so freaking much to me, and i always feel so proud whenever i randomly see my own stuff pop up on my dash because mutuals use it. thank you all so very much! in a similar vein, i honestly still cannot fathom that i almost managed to double the follower count this past year. i'm probably not gonna reach the goal i've kinda been looking at until the end of the year but that's okay. i am so incredibly grateful for everyone here anyway. no matter what.

as for next year - i'm not too sure what i'm gonna do. of course. i'm gonna keep posting memes, and templates and whatever other stuff i feel like doing, but i think my activity is gonna keep on being spotty. i'm also still tempted to do commissions one day ( and we're totally gonna ignore that i've been saying this for over a year now, okay? ) but with the amount of time i don't have, i'm not sure i'm gonna be able to deliver on that. if i do finally build the courage and self-esteem to do that, it will be like an occasional thing that might take some time. however, one thing i do wanna do more of is gifs. i'm not sure what kind of gifs, but i enjoy making them and it's been way too long since i did them so i'm gonna see how i'm gonna incorporate that. or if anyone has any specific gifs they want, always feel free to shoot me an ask or a message. maybe also some aesthetic-y stuff? after all do love making pinterest boards for characters.

maybe i'll also do a blog reveal once i finally set up my multi that i've been planning to work on for months now. since i'm gonna scrap my current main blog ( which i haven't really been active on in a while now anyway ) i'm kinda thinking of coming back to writing and who knows, maybe i'm gonna reveal it here in case anyone would like to write with me.

anyway, this was a lot of rambling, and if you've made it this far, i once again wanna thank you. i know i do this a lot but i really do appreciate you all being here so much, and even after two years of having this silly little blog, it still feels unreal to me that so many people here enjoy what i do.

much love and happy holidays, pooh 🧡

#pooh speaks.#pooh's (ir)regular updates.#long post tw

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desultory-novice · 1 year

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CW: Serious but vague talk about the complex feelings associated with the loss of a loved one and mourning - both in Kirby and in real life. Some personal stuff and once more for good measure mentions of death and mourning.

I know I don't owe anyone an excuse for my brief absence, but I was completely caught off guard this year when I realized the anniversary of Planet Robobot fell just days before the passing of my own father last year. No surprise I didn't make the connection last year, but it hit me this year and it hit hard.

I know that they're not the fandom's most popular characters ("most hated" may be more like it?) but I feel almost painfully close to the story of Susanna Patrya Haltmann and Max Profitt Haltmann. For I was also a child who was torn between being really mad at my father for his flaws and mistakes while also pining for this idealized parent-child relationship we didn't have, to the point of often spurning the bond we did have because it wasn't going the way I imagined it. I also had to watch close up as he wasted away, his senses going one by one, till he looked more and more like a fading shell of a person.

...You know, I didn't even finish playing PR until last year or maybe the year before? Of course I knew the story spoilers. But I couldn't make myself play it. I finally did because I felt I had to. And I'm glad, even if finishing it left me with a weird sense of sadness. A sense of sadness that finally came full circle a few months later...

I thought I would draw something for the anniversary this year. Something sad, bittersweet, poignant, meaningful. Something akin to a tribute. But my pen just wouldn't move. I don't think I have the words or the visuals to fully express what I felt about it right now. It's why, even though I really do like these two characters, I hardly ever draw them.

It's this closeness that renders them blurry in my vision.

...I suppose I might as well talk about this while I'm here, but I have this ask in my inbox about the Merry Magoland Branch AU. About Joronia and Max and what happens to them after their souls are freed.

'Do they come back to life?'

...God, I've written one thousand answers to that post in my head.

Part of my brain says the "right" answer to give - here on my Kirby blog where every story has a happy ending or at least a chance at salvation no matter how grim - is "of course they come back to life!" The Merry Magoland Branch AU is a sad but cutesy fractured fairy tale of a story where everyone ends up better than they started! Besides, they’re already souls. What else would happen to them? Just quietly go off to rest? That wouldn’t be satisfying!

...

But another part of me looks at "Kirby," a series that has characters who have "died" and come back to life and characters who have died and stayed dead and I feel like, as painful as it is to those such as the Sectaranza shippers and the other fans of of the implied dead cast members...

...they're not coming back. They can't come back. They shouldn't come back. Even in a completely fictional setting, even in a silly AU, it is hard for me, personally, to make myself change what has happened. What has been done.

Don't get me wrong, I've even scribbled out a few "everyone lives!" scenarios but I've never been able to draw a single one... I tell myself that if a miracle happens and one day I'm scouted to make a Kirby comic or animated series or movie, something where I get to retell the world from the beginning, I would not have it so the "dead" characters die, if only because they are unique enough that I would want them around to use for future stories. Like Moretsu Pupupu Hour, with its funny Sectonia who is literally allergic to peace. Or that one manga I haven't read where Susie and her father run some kind of puzzle store??

But again, that would be a Kirby I had control of from the beginning.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm proud of Kirby the series for not being so grimdark “realism” that Marx, upon blowing up, turns into meat pasta and instead comes back with a smile and laugh to kick exploding jester balls at people all because you waved a magic heart-shaped wand.

And I'm absolutely content with letting spunky wizard Magolor mercilessly fight his way back through some sort of purgatory dimension and start life over as a medieval salesperson, building up good karma one microtransaction at a time. I think that stuff is important. (Well, not so much the microstransactions.) But I'm also proud of it for letting some characters... not come back.

Dark Matter Blade is both a badass and strangely attractive (...just me?) for an eyeball made of dark matter but despite the fact that maybe all he wanted was friends, despite the fact that it's implied he rescued Gooey from Dark Matter and hid him on Popstar to protect him from Zero, despite the fact that he should have become a good guy and was instead used heartlessly by Zero like ammunition, losing the few marks of individuality he'd been able to keep thus far (his hair and armor and cape) he's just gone. He'll never join the others on Popstar. Never enjoy the warmth of a spring day or get to be a sibling to Gooey. He'll never even get to explain things to poor Gooey that they ought to know, and he was probably the only one who could.

It's tragic. It's upsetting. It's unfair.

And it's...important, much as I hate to say it.

Dess secret... but I actually get a little mad when people want Taranza to "...hurry up and find a new girlfriend and stop being in mourning all the time" because... I think it's okay for Kirby to have "a character who is in mourning." I suppose there's no real reason he can't be "character who was in mourning who was able to find love again" but I also kind of like that he's THERE as a character for anyone who has lost a loved one and is still sad about it. For those who haven't begun rebuilding their life just yet.

Gooey is the one who lost someone without every really knowing what he had/could have had. Susie is the one who lost someone and also has to get back to work because that's a real thing too.

I didn't really mean to talk about death and mourning in Kirby (for a second time) but I think part of me had to as well. At least if I was ever going to go back to regular posting. I don't even really feel as if I even captured everything there was to say. Like I said, I don't really have the words.

But, yeah, anyway, if you've ever seen me politely push back when someone brings up Susie or Max discourse of the negative variety on my blog, hopefully you have a slightly better understanding as to why I respond the way I do.

#Kirby #Susanna Patrya Haltmann #max profitt haltmann #sectaranza mention #Dess Text Post #Taranza #Gooey Kirby #Dark Matter Blade #cw death #cw personal #cw illness #I left Elfy and Fecty out of this because that was too much speculation #But you could see them as something similiar

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starablin · 1 year

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Warden Ingo Cosplay Build Log

Hey Legends Arceus / Submas / Pokémon fans ! I spent two months last year making a Warden Ingo costume because the game made me fall in love with the franchise all over again (and because I love sad amnesia uncle, of course). I'm pretty proud of it, so I thought it'd be fun to share the process here in painstaking details. I've been cosplaying for over a decade now and I learned a bunch from so many defunct cosplay tutorials on this website, so I thought I'd give back. This isn't a guide, persay, but rather a dive into the methods and decisions I picked to complete this project. Any pre-made items or patterns that are available online will be linked! I'll be splitting down each piece of the costume into its own section for easier reading. This is gonna be a long one with a bunch of pictures, so I'd suggest viewing on the blog directly! Without further ado, all aboard!

Station 0: The Guidelines

Before getting into the build itself, I wanted to preface this wall of text with the guidelines I set myself for this project.These core pillars inform a lot of the decision-making, and some people might feel like using this log as reference for their own cosplays, so I thought it'd be good to put them here to explain why I did some stuff the way I did. Comfort first: I knew I was gonna wear it in the summer, and stand around all day at a convention, so it needed to be lightweight and comfortable. (well, as much as a cosplay can be, anyways.) Realism: Ok, that's kinda weird to associate "realism" to a Pokémon costume (unless you're Detective Pikachu I guess), but I wanted to look more natural instead of translating a shiny fancy 3D model straight to real life (nothing against that, it just wasn't my goal). This meant adapting certain elements that only really worked in stylized Pokémon graphics. Be a huge cheapskate: I didn't wanna break the bank with this one, so if I could save money thrifting or reusing stuff I had lying around, I was going to do it. Whenever you see me pull some material out of my ass that wasn't entirely fit for the job, that's why. After putting these down, jotted down a battle plan for the project (basically just a huge compartmentalized list of all the material I expected to need and the steps to complete the costume), and then it was time to get to work.

Station 1: Thrift Shop Pit Stop

I like starting every project with a quick trip to the local thrift stores to see what I can find. I hate sewing pants with a passion, so my priority was to grab some navy suit pants to match the coat's fabric to later. I also found a long sleeve black shirt for Ingo's undershirt, a belt I ended up not using, and lucked out with some excellent clown shoes with removeable insoles. After slapping in my own insoles, replacing the shoelaces and fixing up the pants' button, we were good to go on every element that could be done without any extra work on my end. Moving on.

Station 2: Three Refined Metals For A Hat

I'll be honest here: when I initially planned out the entire project in my notebook, the hat was scary as hell. I had no clear idea how I was going to do it; I didn't really want to buy a similar pre-made hat cause roughing it up would've been stupid hard to get to look right. I figured I could probably make it out of EVA Foam (a certified cosplay classic), but I've never patterned a shape this complex before. Turns out Kamui Cosplay made a foam pattern for the same kinda hat. Score! I purchased the pattern and assembled the hat using 6mm EVA Foam and Contact Cement according to the instructions. I then destroyed some poor polyester cord trim from the bottom of my scrap bin and glued it into the base for the... sticky-outies? The damaged bits. Y'know.

With the base finished, I drafted a pattern for the fabric covering, cut my pieces out of navy twill, sewed it up and slid it over the hat. I did the same for the inside with some cheap black muslin leftovers from another project, glued it all to the base in strategic spots, and then patterned, sewed and glued the band on. Finally, I took my seam ripper and scissors and opened up the seams where the little piles of sad polyester scraps were lining up to free them. With the main part of the hat complete, I cut up a disc of 10mm EVA foam for the insignia, scored the design on with a hobby knife and heated it up to form a bit of a curve. It was then sealed with flexbond, painted and sealed with a clear coat, and glued on! All that was left after this was weathering the hat. It's a little hard to photograph this piece properly, so I'll show the weathering process when we get to the coat.

I apologize for basically pulling a "rest of the fucking owl" here, but honestly a lot of the process was improvising and somehow not destroying the entirety of my progress, so I have no pictures of the hat building process beyond this.

Station 3: Sneasels Ripped My Coat

Ingo's coat started with a heavily modified version of a commercial pattern. Specifically, it's the D Coat from Simplicity's 4789. I could've probably found a pattern closer to the Subway Bosses' coat design, but this one had already been in my pile of "patterns I bought for an abandonned project and will totally use someday, I swear" and it was close enough, so I used it. Modifications included extending the collar, making the coat a little longer in proportion to my body, the sleeves wider at the ends, and adding inner pockets (a cosplayer's best friend). Oh, and the white bias tape on the edges and the orange stripes, of course. You may have noticed I'm not showing the pattern with all the modifications here. That's because as part of the Cheapskate Protocol, I really wanted to use this old Simplicity pattern to save money. A pattern I bought when I was a teen way back when. the misses sized pattern enveloppe. So I had to size up the entire damn thing. The biggest size on this pattern was like 7 inches off my measurements. It's a paper Frankenstein golem. It looks godawful. The actual adjustments to make the pattern Submas-ready are incomprehensible in there. But hey, I saved like 10 dollars! I started by assembling the base coat (undamaged) out of navy twill. I added heavy interfacing in the collar to help it stay up. I considered adding a lining to it to really sell the fact this used to be a modern machine-assembled piece of clothing, but it wouldn't have looked as good with the rips and tears later on. As a bonus, it's one layer less in the fight against heat exhaustion! However, if I were to make this coat for Pre-Eeby-Deebied Ingo, I'd definitively do a lining.

Next step was the stripes! I used some double fold white bias tape to finish the edges of the coat and topstitched the ones on the back of the coat on. I then used the same orange cotton as the hat band for the three orange stripes,which were topstitched on. Cheapskate Protocol made me buy barely enough orange cotton this time around because I was tired of building up the pile in the fabric scrap bin, so I had to improvise to make it work by snipping the bands in strategic spots in order to cover to whole coat properly. It's not like the parts that would be cut off later for the damage would need them, anyways. ✨Optimization✨

After rolling my rock up the hill of a Hell of my own creation, I booted up the game, dragged my avatar to the Ingo enclosure and marveled at the magnificent creature to see where the coat was ripped. I traced a loose guide of the tear designs with washable fabric chalk and crudely cut up the bottom edge, sleeves and collar to have the basic shape down.

All that was left was to add the armband and the buttons. Turns out the only metal buttonsI could find that were big enough were those buttons kits to cover with fabric. Since I wanted to go for realism here (and be able to throw the whole thing in the wash after sweating in it all day), I wanted to avoid crafting them myself. With the main construction done, it was time to do the weathering! ... ... ... OH GOD I FORGOT TO ADD POCKETS

Behold, the world's most awful pockets. Two stupid little bags sewn in such a way you hopefully can't tell from the outside that I completely forgot that I wanted these. They literally only exist so I can have my phone handy at a convention. There's a buttonhole to close it too, I guess. They're shamefully hidden with all my lining-less, raw seam sins. Ok now we can destroy the coat

Station 4: Stinky And Dirty

I mentionned earlier during the hat section that I was going to get back to the weathering process. This is happening now. For the sake of Realism™️, I wanted the damage to look natural in real life, so I had to make it look believable. Luckily this wasn't my first rodeo with the Dirt, so I had plenty of weathering experience under my belt. To break up the awkward scissor cuts from earlier on the edges and fray everything up, I pulled out the sandpaper and started... Sanding the fabric. Might sound weird to some, but a lot of costume makers swear by it. It's also great for ripped jeans (if those are still popular today) and general natural wear. I also refined the shape along the way with scissor to break up any long straight cuts before fraying the edges. I took care to reinforce any newly destroyed seams with a sneaky staystitch so it doesn't unravel in the future. I then mixed up a bunch of different shades of brownish grime with fabric paints (I had black, brown, yellow, orange and green on hand) to dirty the whole thing up. This doesn't look as realistic as some other methods like weathering powders and Just Using Real Dirt, but as mentionned earlier I wanted to be able to just throw it in the washing machine at the end of the day to sanitize it. (If you're interested in actually learning how to weather a costume, this guide is where I started my journey.) I prioritized the ripped edges and any spots where grime would realistically accumulate in over time, like under the edge of the hat band. Paint was dabbed, stippled and rubbed on with whatever garbage tools I could find, which in my case were some old crusty brushes, sponges and toothbrushes I could get really violent with. (brushes were harmed in the making of this costume, but not my good brushes.)

The whole thing was then sealed with heat using a flat iron as per the fabric paint instructions. With the coat done, all of Ingo's old Subway Boss uniform was complete!

Station 5: A Warden's Garb

Next step on the list was making the Pearl Clan uniform. Thankfully, there's a fun little piece of concept art that shows Ingo without his signature coat, so from it we can confirm that his clan outfit has short sleeves (good for the comfort goal) and consists of two pieces: a tunic and some kind of hip sash. I omitted the hood on the tunic because I was realistically never going to wear it up and it would have just bunched up under the coat anyways. Now you'll be painfully aware of that terrible corner cutting truth whenever you scroll down and see photos of the costume. Sorry. I drafted out a quick pattern for both pieces of the clan garb through the power of math for the sash (a couple half circles with another piece for the border) and tracing over a tunic in my wardrobe for the shirt. I assembled a test version out of scrap muslin to make sure it worked properly, then set the pattern aside so I could prepare the fabric. In order to have all of the tunic elements match together, I picked up a bunch of white stretch knit fabric and a bottle of purple synthetic dye so I could reach the shade of dusty lavender I wanted. I measured out two squares of fabric based on the pattern. One square was for the darker border on the waist sash, while the rest was the lighter color for the whole outfit. I boiled water according to the dye instruction and worked on my Fabric Soup.

With the fabric dyed and washed, I cut my pattern pieces out and assembled everything together. Nothing special happened there since the pattern had been tested and adjusted prior to sewing the real deal. Ok, one thing happened actually. My sewing machine absolutely hated how thin this fabric was and kept trying to eat my costume. By the end I was about ready to throw the machine out the window, but things worked out.

It's pretty sneaky and totally not visible on the outside, but the sash is held closed with two snap buttons on the front. It's easily the single jankiest piece of the costume due to the aforementioned attempt by my sewing machine to have fabric dinner. But hey, it works and the jank isn't visible so who caaaares (I care)

Final step for the Pearl Clan outfit was adding the logo on the front. I wasn't sure how I wanted to do this, at first, but to keep the fabric's stretch and keep with the idea that this is a hand-sewn garment from old Hisui, I decided to go with hand embroidery. I grabbed some scrap white cotton, dyed it purple, then cut it out in the shape of the logo. It was then painstakingly applique'd to the tunic by hand with embroidery floss.

With that done, the tunic was completed! It looks absolutely depressing on a coat hanger, but when worn with a belt it's all nice and cozy. As a bonus, it layers with the coat well enough that I don't have to wear a binder under everything to hide obvious boob shapes. Another win for the Comfort team! 👏 With all the sewing done, all that's left is the Warden bracelet and the hair.

Station 6: Noble Sneasler's Cool Bling

Ingo's got a bestie bracelet of his best pal Sneasler, so we gotta make that. The build should be pretty standard to anyone that's made anything out of EVA Foam for a cosplay. I drafted the pieces by referencing the in-game model, cut them out of different thicknesses of the material to create some depth, and glued everything together with contact cement and hot glue. (The main bracelet is 6mm foam, the details are 2mm foam and the black parts for the base of the head and the gem are 4mm foam.) I added an elastic on the wrist to keep the bangle secured to my arm while still being able to easily slip it on and off.

The whole thing was then sealed with flexbond, painted and then sealed with a spray clear coat. Honestly, it was the simplest part of the build and it actually went without a hitch this time around.

With the accessories done, it was now time to get to what I am convinced is every Submas cosplayer's worst nightmare: The Goddamn Hair.

Station 7: The Goddamn Hair

There's a lot of artists credited as character designers in the credits of Pokémon Black & White (2010). This means I can't figure out who to blame for Ingo and Emmet's stupid sideburns that make absolutely no sense in the real world. Instead we're just going to scream at the heavens and find a solution to the geometric flaps. Another fun fact: I'm awful at wigs. Like absolutely awful. I understand the methods involved, but I'm stupid bad at applying that knowledge on an expensive mop of plastic hair I don't want to ruin. So I did some research to figure out how people were making the twins' hair on their own cosplay. Everyone did a great job, but it wasn't really the effect I was looking for, so I decided to start from scratch. Because, you see, I was going to completely avoid styling a wig. I've always interpreted the art as them having some sick sideburns/muttonchops. (This art piece by waltias on twitter was posted like a week after I finished my cosplay and I felt so so validated in my interpretation) I also love Makeup FXs, so I thought "hey, I can look up beard makeup tutorials." I ended up with two ideas: either I could buy crepe wool hair in grey and glue the fibers to my face individually every time I put the costume on, or I could make a reuseable prosthetic. I'm a lazy piece of garbage that likes doing things once so prosthetic it was. I mean, I know how to ventilate wig lace. It'll be reusable and take 4 minutes to apply. Smart! I got the Jett in Light Grey from Arda Wigs, a ventilating hook, matching wefts and the lace. I had a plan, I was ready, it was going to look great. And then I spent 40 hours tying individual strands of plastic hair on a wig lace mesh. For a total surface area of maybe 3 square inch.

(Pictured above: A Fool.) It was hell. I might've incurred a stress injury from the process and then had to let it rest for a week because I did it all over a couple days. Would I recommend doing it? If you're patient, sure. I love the result. But this was, by far, the worst part of the entire project. 40 hours. The entire coat took me like 6 hours. 40 fucking hours.

After painstakingly tying individual hairs to a mesh and realizing I might've reached the Ninth Circle of Hell along the way, I took my couple squares of ventilated wefts and trimmed them to the proper length. The result was awesome, and I don't regret it at all. It looks exactly how I pictured the idea of sideburns would look like. But it also took 40 hours of me just tying some fucking hair to a mesh. Maybe there was a better solution, but there's so little ressources about the process online that I just went with the methods I could find, really. I pray someone starts offering squares of pre-ventilated wig lace someday so no one else has to suffer like I did. As a sidenote, I didn't even bother with the balding hair since I wasn't gonna go through all the effort of heavily modifying a wig and wearing a bald cap if I wasn't even gonna take the hat off.

40 hours.

Station 8: Bits And Bobs From Under the Subway Bench

Honestly, after the absolute nightmare I went through making the sideburns and goatee, The final touches were a cakewalk. After all, the costume is complete! What's next? Warden Ingo uses Pokéballs like a cool guy, so I wanted one. I usually make pretty much everything myself for costumes because it's fun, but after the ventilating adventure I just wanted to rest. I'd been following NisuzCraft's work for a while now, and I loved the wood grain effect on their Hisuian Pokéballs. I wholeheartedly recommend them, their work is awesome.

As a final touch, I grabbed some red cord I had lying around from a previous project to craft a little loop to hook my convention badge onto. I don't really like having the badge show up on photos, so it was a clean way to have it easily accessible while having it be easy to slide out of sight. I based the idea off of the knotted ropes the Galaxy Team member hang their Pokéballs from on their uniforms.

Lastly, though it's not necessarily part of the costume itself, I made an overly indulgent ita bag panel for the first con I took Warden Ingo out to. The collection's grown since then, but here it is:

Chandelure: JellyBearDesigns Ingo & Lady Sneasler: AstroTeenyArts Warden Ingo, Emmet&Ingo Duo: Cynniarts Ingo & Emmet with fingers crossed, Hanging Ingo, Emmet & Warden Ingo: Zhampip Rubber Straps: Official Pokémon Mate Merch Go show them some love!

Terminus: You Have Reached Hisui Station

So, first con wearing Warden Ingo came and went. What's the verdict? Pretty great experience, honestly. It was relatively comfortable to wear despite record heat in the middle of summer. The only real issue was that having a wig and a hat together trapped heat real bad, therefore some wig breaks were needed. I also initially used spirit gum to stick the facial hair on, and I struggled to remove the residue afterwards from the lace mesh, so now I just use body tape to keep it on. Nothing broke, nothing hurt, so I'd say it was a success! I haven't had to modify or repair anything for the future, so I'm very proud of the results. To anyone who read this Build Log to the very end, thank you so, so much for your interest. I hope this may have given you some insight into the process; especially if this helps your in future cosplay projects! If you don't cosplay, I hope it was still an entertaining read.

Hoping to see more wonderful Submas cosplays in the future!

#Cosplay Build Log #cosplay tutorial #pokemon cosplay #submas #warden ingo #ingo #pokemon ingo #subway bosses #original content #40 hours

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queerprayers · 1 year

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i'd really like to compliment the thoughtfulness and generosity of thought and time on your blog, first of all. i spent a lot of time reading it today, and it resonated with me a lot. i was raised by two atheists who are smart people in many ways but live in the 'all organized religion is dum and evil' camp. i've had to unlearn their beliefs/fight them on antisemitism and islamophobia for most of my adolescence and adulthood. in terms of personal faith, i have firmly believed for a long time that 'there is no god' is an ontologically unprovable belief that i could never feel comfortable espousing, but i still never understood the purpose of organized or personal worship until the last month. it took me many years that get that god is not an authoritarian dad looking over your shoulder and criticizing you but can be something a great deal more unknowable and complicated and on-my-side than that.

but i was wondering: do you have any advice for someone balancing their curiosity about faith and their weird nostalgia about the Rituals of catholic school with their fears that a) they are wishy-washily turning to it just for kicks in a year when they've lost a lot, and shouldn't talk to anyone about it, b) they are just unconsciously emulating their partner, who is a queer catholic with a personal theology they admire. i have always found something religion-shaped in mountains and rivers and the sky and the love of other people, and that's never going to change. but the idea that i could or do want Something Else , and that christian beliefs resonate with me, is scaring me because of all of the identity fluctuations i've ever experienced, it's not one i've thought i'd ever see. it feels like a very scary thing to talk to people about in real life, even though the two closest people in my life would both have a lot to discuss with me about it.

Welcome, beloved! Thank you for your kind words! I pray this will resonate with you as well.

I'm proud of you for working to unlearn some of your parents' beliefs—I really respect people who recognize the harm religion has done, but you're right, you can't condemn it inherently without bigotry/racism. We all have to choose what belief/tradition to take with us, and I admire you so much for recognizing that you'd have to leave that behind. And I love your changing understanding of God—there are many gods I don't believe in, and an authoritarian dad looking over our shoulders to criticize us is one of them! Acknowledging the Mystery is such a beautiful thing.

Curiosity and nostalgia and ritual-seeking are factors that bring a lot of people to faith! Those aren't stupid reasons—they're parts of you that recognize something meaningful there, and want to explore it! Similarly, many people turn to faith when they're hurting. This has definitely been painted in a bad light, but to me it makes so much sense. It's so much easier to claim you understand the universe and everything's rational and knowable, when you're comfortable with where you are and confident in where you're going. Losing things brings a realization of our lack of control, our complete lack of knowledge in how everything works. Seeking more, seeking mystery when we are hurting is a completely reasonable response.

Seeking what we need, like comfort, in faith is not evil. We all need to be comforted, and believing in love is what many hurting people need. This doesn't mean religion is stupid—in fact, the fact that it seems to be the practice best equipped to help hurting people would point to it being one of the most valuable things of all! If a worldview can only accommodate people who are confident/in control/have everything they need, I don't think very much of it at all. (Of course I know there are many nonreligious worldviews that accommodate hurting people, and I respect them. I also know that there is organized religion that will take advantage of those who have lost things, and I condemn that wholeheartedly. Faith at its best, though, welcomes those hurting in a way I rarely see in other places.)

We don't want to create a faith practice that only serves us when we're hurting—but we should always carry our hurting with us as we find what we're looking for. Don't only hurt your way into faith—but bring the loss with you.

Whatever your reasons for being drawn to faith, even if you think they're bad reasons, are real reasons that can serve you. Wanting comfort/ritual is a completely natural response to the world, and finding what you need in practices that are designed for people wanting those things is the perfect reason to come to them!

Many people convert to their partner's religion—obviously there's lots of historical/cultural reasons for this, and in some cases it is out of pressure or because that's just what you do—but it's not crazy and doesn't inherently mean you lack autonomy. Getting to know someone deeply involves learning what they value and how they see things. Loving someone completely means loving those practices and perspectives. I think interfaith relationships are perfectly possible and healthy, but I can't imagine a relationship with someone of a different faith/worldview if I did not love theirs and they loved mine—I have trouble with friendships where that love is not present!

You admiring and caring about your partner and their faith has included listening to and learning about their faith, and seeing how they live it out—it makes complete sense that this draws you to this or similar faiths! You were brought up thinking that this is dumb and evil, and now you're in a relationship with someone who identifies with and practices a faith. Often people don't truly understand religion until they're exposed to someone who has it as part of them.

This is all to say that valuing a practice more because someone you love practices it is, of course, subjective and biased, and it is also beautiful and holy. Every faith is subjective and biased. I am Christian partially because my parents are Christian—because I was brought up in this faith, and it is my home. If you are connecting with something because it's something that's a part of your life (catholic school and now a catholic partner)—that's kind of how connection works? I don't know if that counts as "unconsciously emulating" but like, what's wrong with that? What's wrong with connecting to something so much, seeing it all around you, that you're drawn to it? (My favorite movies consist solely of movies I have seen, and they're all ones I watched at a point in my life when they were meaningful to me. These aren't stupid reasons to like a movie—they're the only reasons to like a movie.)

Honestly if a faith is not something that comforts you, not something that you're drawn to when you experience loss, not something that satisfies desires for ritual, not something that holds your childhood self close but also reflects your changing worldviews, not something that is a part of your life and that you've seen lived out in beautiful ways, I would actually advise against becoming a part of it! I would list these things as essential reasons! It doesn't mean you have to, but it means you have good reasons. This doesn't sound just for kicks—you're thinking about this a lot, and reaching out to someone for advice, and taking it seriously. And many faith changes happen kind of suddenly, anyway—this doesn't sound sudden, but if it was, there are many beautiful examples of people all at once realizing what they're meant for.

"Religion-shaped" is a great phrase! Whether or not you find your way to a specific practice, knowing that you have those connections and appreciations is beautiful and valuable. However your identity changes, whatever practices find their way into your life, you have mountains and rivers and sky and love. You have God, in whatever ways you learn to find Them.

It's acknowledge it's scary to find your way to something your younger self would never have guessed! We surprise ourselves sometimes, and it's terrifying! But I give you permission to be scared and to surprise yourself. To honor who you'd thought you'd be and to change. We know we can't see the future, but we still find ourselves arriving in a future we didn't see and being surprised about it. This change—let it break down more walls. This mystery that's always with you—welcome it as you unlearn and relearn.

Know that you can always change again. That opening up to people about something you might want doesn't mean you always have to want it. That beginning a practice is not a promise to always practice it. That breaking down walls doesn't mean you can never rebuild them, and saying a truth doesn't set it in stone.

It's so often easier to open up to people we don't have a personal relationship with! I'm so grateful that what I write resonates with you, but (sorry) we still don't actually know each other, and you also have the space to be anonymous—that's probably really nice for you right now! Me and most of the queer people I know came out to random people on the internet before people in real life—inherently because we cared about/knew them less. Those we care about most can be the scariest to open up to, because we have the most riding on their response. Of course I encourage you to tell them at least some of what you've told me—it sounds like they'd love to hear about it and would accept these changing parts of you. Don't wait till you have it all figured out to share it—that won't really ever happen, and I'm guessing you'll regret not letting in as you figure it out. But give yourself grace, honor your privacy and time. They're there when you're ready.

It's scary to change, it's scary to question our worldviews, it's scary to admit our vulnerabilities and our need for something greater than ourselves, it's scary that people might think you have bad reasons for your beliefs/choices. But the people that you love you want your fear too. They know you'll change—everyone does. If they only loved you if you stayed static, if you only made logical unbiased decisions, if your circumstances didn't affect what you value—that's not loving a person. It sounds like you trust them and know that they would welcome these questions and want to talk about them. Go to the mountains and the rivers and the sky and go to them, the love of other people. That's where God will be—with you already, walking with you on the road, and there waiting for you. (There's a trinity right there!) Mystery and paradox and comfort and ritual and the simplest and most terrifying thing in the world.

I'm in your corner. I don't know the road ahead of you but I know you have so much beautiful time. I can't see the future but I know it will surprise you. God be with your going out and your coming in, from this time forth forevermore. May your ways be safe and your homecomings joyful. Now we know in part, but someday we will know fully, even as we are fully known, face to face.

<3 Johanna

#asks

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andypantsx3 · 11 months

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This is going to sound weird, but do you have any tips on how to gain traction as a fanfic writer? I've been trying for years and I get next to no interaction on my writing. I know I shouldn't care because I should be writing for myself, but it's still frustrating to see other writers get thousands of notes, and reblogs and asks praising their fics and I get maybe 20 likes. I've been looking into discord fandom groups but a lot of them don't allow people over 30, and I don't do well with busy groups anyway. I try to be active on my blog, and interact with other people and make myself approachable, but I'm getting so incredibly tired of talking to an empty space. Sorry, I think I ended up venting instead >_<

WARNING: DISCOURSE AHEAD

Omg hello my love!! First of all, I'm so sorry you feel this way! I have so many conflicting thoughts on this, let me try to get them in order for you!!

I guess, let me first start with some tips that I think actually answer your question, and then I'll just monologue about the ways I've been thinking about fandom recently, and you can skip that part if you wanna!

Part 1: Actual Thoughts on Your Question (lol)

I am possibly not in the best position to ask about this because I mostly happened to be in the right place at the right time, publishing my fics in the early part of the pandemic when people were more actively engaging in the fandom. But in my experience, outside of discord groups, other good ways to meet people and get your work out there are joining zines & collabs.

I'm not completely up-to-date with what the accounts are now that track these things, but there are several tumblrs and twitter accounts like BNHA Zines that exist to retweet & publicize zine posts. Look for zines that are in the interest check & application stages!! You can apply during the application phase and the good thing is that most zines will ask for an application piece and will judge you on your work rather than your follower count!!

Collabs are usually even easier because many of them are just open to whoever wants to join! I've only participated in server collabs but I've seen several posts cross my dash that are open to anyone. I'd probably monitor the collaboration and x reader tags on tumblr and join in on anything that looks fun!!

Another thing that I've noticed people do a lot is self-reblog their fics a couple times just to maximize their circulation. I've seen a lot of moots trying to make sure they hit good hours for different time zones and different days of the week to ensure their followers are at least aware that they've posted something if they don't have notifs on (I don't have notifs on so I'm grateful for these because otherwise I miss a lot!!). Even I have srb'd a time or two if I'm particularly proud of something lol.

And I think, if I also wanted to be a shark about things, I would try to get in on the ground floor of a fandom in its early stages!! For example, the second season of JJK is coming out soon and it's sure to bring a wave of new readers to the JJK fandom, especially for the characters like Gojo and Getou who look like they're gonna be the main focus of the season.

I think if you wanted to be extra sharp about things, you might time a fic release with some of the first couple episodes of a new season where you can be sure more people than usual will be poking around in the tags!! And if your fic is published during the early stages of a fandom, it's going to have more eyes on it overall than a fic published towards the conclusion of the series.

Anyway this is what I could think of. I hope this advice is practical and useful!! Now onto me blathering.

Part 2: Resisting Influencer Culture in Fandom Spaces

This part might be kind of controversial. I want to first acknowledge how easy it is for me to think and say these sorts of things when I'm already more than pleased with the amount of engagement I get. And I want to recognize that it is so, so deeply human to want recognition, community, and support for the things that we write.

I think it is so completely natural that you want interaction on your writing. All of us totally do, otherwise we wouldn't be publishing it publicly. If our work was truly, singularly for us and us alone, we'd keep it in the drafts lol. We put it out there hoping for praise and appreciation and connection, and in my opinion there is no shame in that.

So, admission time: I also definitely compare myself to other writers, and I have several times thought about transitioning more towards the type of content that drives higher note counts on tumblr: smuttier one-shots usually under 10k! I can see a huge difference in terms of just my own work on how my one-shots typically do in comparison to chaptered fics. And I definitely see how fast smutty imagines shoot up there in terms of note count.

But I was listening to a podcast episode recently on trying to sort of transition away from a metrics-focused approach to fandom. In the podcast, they talk about how in trying to legitimize fanfic as a literary mechanism, we've also sort of accidentally subjected it to our capitalist-influencer-mindset, where we see fic as more legitimate the more kudos it gets or the more followers it nets you, because in traditional influencer spaces, those followers are potential capital.

I'm definitely not saying you or I see people as potential revenue streams, but I think probably neither of us are immune to the culture at large, and we both probably carry some of internalized sense of our own value based on metrics, reach, and influence. And that sucks!!!!

Fandom, of all things, is supposed to be a specifically anti-capitalist space. We can't make money off of fanfic or fanart (legally, anyway lol), and we're all not the owners of the franchises either so none of our takes are necessarily more "valid" or weightier than others!! We're all supposed to just be trading stories around a campfire with no thought to their literary merit or monetary value. We're just supposed to enjoy the stories.

So, I don't know what the right answer is about how to try to resist the influences of our capitalist culture at large; I'm hoping someone smarter than me will tell me. But I do know that in fanfic, the value of your story can absolutely never be determined by how much engagement you get. Because fandom is not about metrics, and there is no inherent value in metrics. There is only the fun you had creating the story, and the depth of the connection you made with someone over it--even if that's just one other person.

And so I personally am at least trying to resist the lure of transitioning to smutty one-shots even though I think a lot of people would like that. Because what I like doing is writing my little 30k multi-chaps; those are my fave kinds of stories to tell, I'm not letting my metrics tell me what I should be writing.

I hope, at the very least, you know that your worth and the value of your story is not defined by how many other people have read it. And if you ever wanna chat more about this let me know, I'm still figuring this all out myself and could use friends to explore it with!!

#ask andie #tw: discourse

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writernopal · 5 months

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{Nopal's 2023 Writing Round Up}

I will start by saying that 2023 was a pivotal writing year for me because it marked the start of sharing my writing online and starting this blog! With all of that came of course, the formation of my own little community 🥺 I've made so many lovely friends along the way, fallen in love with their characters and stories, and I just feel so privileged and honored to experience the worlds they've created. I'm so glad I took the plunge and met all of you, even if it was really scary at first! Thank you all for being so welcoming, kind, supportive, and for making space in your hearts and days for my silly little characters and their stories 💙 That said, lets take a look at some of my writing highlights from this past year! Throwing this under a cut because it got long (of course it did lol)

{Total Words Written}

160,512 (as of 12/27)

This excludes tumblr posts, miscellaneous notes, and outlines. It includes WIP work (AASOAF 3, M.O.W), WIP adjacent work (AASOAF 2 companion/release material and side stories like Chanterelles), and miscellaneous prose pieces (Pare, Fetch, and Bowl of Brown). I don't have much to observe here other than holy shit that's a lot LOL.

{Longest Chapter}

7043 (AASOAF 3: Axtapor - 16 First Seed)

This chapter is the first battle sequence of AASOAF 3 so it makes sense for it to be the longest so far! This category's runner up is the Part I finale of M.O.W, Halcyon, at 6663 words.

{Shortest Chapter}

638 (AASOAF 3: Mariel - 3 First Seed)

This chapter is a little go between chapter with a tiny bit of whump in the mix. It might get longer after I get to editing it, we'll see! For this one I excluded the prologues of both AASOAF 3 and M.O.W because it kind of felt like cheating otherwise. Both are <300 words.

{Most Loved by the Author}

Some Lines! (Snippet from AASOAF 3: Mariel - 27 Sun's Dawn)

I limited my choices to snippets I'd posted since it felt weird to make a new post and be like that one! I like that one! lol Appropriate content warnings have been listed on that post as, unsurprisingly, it contains body horror who could have guessed lol. The runner up in this category are the cryptic little monologues I wrote leading up to Tierra Madre (linking to the AASOAF 3 masterpost for ease if you want to check out all four pieces!). These link up the overarching story the prologues of each book are telling and hints at how they come into play in AASOAF 3.

{Most Loved by the Readers}

Covenant (AASOAF 3's Prologue)

For this category I excluded meme posts and the like, ranking the winner based on notes that piece received. As for the runner up, its actually a tie! It's between AASOAF 3's WIP Intro and, surprisingly, Lexlar's character intro lol. He would be so proud and flattered that he's more popular than his other Lizardfolk counterparts!

{AASOAF Original Telling vs. AASOAF Canon Telling}

475,524 (OT) | 381,725 (CT)

Now I know this wasn't all done in this year but it felt right to put in here since I'm getting closer and closer to finishing the canon telling of AASOAF with each day that passes so I can't help but look back to where it all started. These word counts include words in each version of the WIP and the dead darlings of each while excluding Fay's discovery writing (120k+), side stories, WIP adjacent work, spin-offs, and oneshots. I'm really not sure if canon AASOAF will surpass original telling but that's because the story back then was a lot of Fay and Wilkes origin story work and the tale of their romance which isn't explored in canon and also includes Mariel and Axtapor's stories. Two reasons for this, Fay and Wilkes getting together all happens before canon begins and because canon focuses primarily on Mariel and Axtapor's romance. In any case, those are some FAT numbers holy mama. Putting this post together was actually the first time I saw them side by side like that.

#2023 writing round up #aasoaf #m.o.w #my writing

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riacte · 3 months

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Soo I know mcc is not as hyped up or popular as it was a few years ago, but I still find it great and cannot wait for it to come back. Therefore, for this hiatus, here are 3 winning povs I recommend to watch! I am pretty proud of this list bc I included all 3 seasons and 12 different players! It s a pretty self-indulgent list, buuut i think they are all great and all deserve a watch if you have not before

Season 1: MCC 9 Blue Bats (Hbomb, False Symetry, Rendog and Fruitberries). Out of all the teams of this list, this one is by far the most famous, and they absolutely deserve this fame! After all, its impact in mcyt is incredible, the only other teams that are as remembered are probably mcc 4 Purple Pandas (the sbi team) and mcc 17 Orange Ocelots, and it was the 1st time the hermits won mcc. The Blue Bats 9 were the ultimate underdogs, and each member of the team proved to everyone how freaking good they are in the coolest way posible. Also, the vibes were so, so good, and it was just a really epic event. It is been more than 2 years, and I still think those survival games are the best there has been in mcc history. Finally, I am pretty sure this team indirectly caused Hbomb being in vault hunters and freaking treebark, so good for em. And I could go on and on about this team, but there is a reason I am writing this in Ria´s blog lol, just scroll down!! You won´t regret it! In summary, obligatory watch and the definition of a legendary win. (Ren please come back, we all miss you. Especially False.)

Season 2: MCC 23 Orange Ocelots (Quig, Eret, Inthelittlewood and F1nnister). Look. I feel like crazy every time I say this team is incredible bc no one else seems to get it. But this pov is the definition of vibes. This team is made up of 4 random ccs who had almost no contact to each other before the event, it was the 1st time some of them even talked. And still they had the most wholesome, fun vibes ever. They were just so supportive of each other (Quig and Eret were really into getting Martyn his 1st win bc they watched him when they were kids, that was so cute), and it is so obvious they did not expect to win, it was such a close event with a lot of strong teams that in theory were better than orange. I think they were in 6th place until the 5th game or so. But still they did it by being absolute badasses and having some of the best communication I have ever seen in mcc (that parkour tag is just beautiful). Also they all really deserved that win, period. Both Quig and Finn seem to have left mcc very soon after this event, and Eret and Martyn have not teamed up again since, and this is literally my Roman Empire :(. Look people, just watch mcc 23, most povs from that event were a blast, apart from Orange I really recommend Red (the other team in dodgebolt, who did incredibly well and also deserved to win), Lime and Purple

Season 3: MCC 31 Red Rabbits (Jojosolos, OllieGamerz, CapitanGato and Shadoune). Okay, this one is kind of tricky to recomment bc for most of the event they talk in Spanish, BUT. I am Hispanic, and this mcc meant a lot. It was just so cool to see people who talked in my first language in an event I had loved for so long. As I have seen some confusion about this, I will clarify that Shadoune is not Hispanic, he s French, but he speaks Spanish very well and has been a part of that side of the mc community for long, so he s adopted i guess lol. But yeah, this team was amazing, I will never get tired of seeing Jojo dominate and prove the goddamn reddit wrong. She is just such a cool player. Her leadership skills are unmatched, like that team included two brand new players, and Shadoune had only played once. And they still won!!! The vibes were excellent. Ollie has become a player I always look forward to, he s just very chill and he was so proud of himself that mcc for knowing the "lore" (aka writing weird dunk in chat). I will never not laugh at Gato doing a 1v3 in dodgebolt and not realizing how big of a deal that is lmao. And Shadoune had to deal with a lot of technical issues during the event, but he was still great. Also, he has a very fun personality, I like seeing such a good and competitive player, basically a legend in the Hispanic circles of minecraft, being as enthusiastic as he is. During the irl mcc event he was basically jumping from happiness :)

Okay, long post, but I wanted to talk about some of my favourite teams (there are many other great ones!). I think sometimes we look back and only remember the drama and discourse, and it is true it has been so many events they might not seem as special anymore. A lot of iconic players have left as well. But we have had lots of incredible moments. A lot of new, great players have joined relatively recently and are so excited to show the community what they are capable of: Impulse, Owen, FireBreathMan, Bekyamon, DarkEyebrows, Wallibear... Like people, players who are now iconic participants such as Purpled, Scar and Jojo did not join until well into season 2! Show the newbies your love! The non-canon events have also been great (pride, scuffed my beloved, party, twitch rivals). I look forward to the future :)

Sorry for using your blog for my rant, it is just the local newspaper for me hehe. You are more than free to not awnser if you feel like it, I just wanted to write my thoughts somewhere lmao

Yayyy I really appreciate the effort it took to type all this out! MCC still has its fun bits despite everything :)) Thanks for the submission to the newspaper LMAO and yep great POVs! (Looking at the Blue Bats one with wide pleading eyes)

#ask box #answered #mcc

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illusioncanthurtme · 6 months

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I just... need to say... I HAVE BEEN A FAN OF YOUR WORK FOR YEARSSSSS like i remember you were one of my first tumblr blogs i ever followed once i made a tumblr account in 2018 and have been following EVEN before i had a tumblr blog in 2017 because i was so obsessed with your one south park creek art XD like? your art has improved so much? like? OMG????? and its like? so good? and so amazing? and such an inspiration? (and tbh learning a year or two ago that you also drew invader zim art before was just like??????? omg) AND also that you drew danganronpa art too! just like! wow! and zelda and like so many other cool fandoms too!!! its super awesome! AND NOW learning that you are back into invader zim? is just? omg? (and plus ship and draw zadr) its so mega awesome for real. like? your art is so awesome? love your shading? like how you draw? like i can go on and on .... you art is amazing! seriously! Have a good one!

@cinnamonghost I am SO GLAD I checked my inbox. I never look in here ever at all, so I apologize if this has been sitting here for a while!

But holy shit, I am SO flattered. This really did make my night. It's so crazy when people say they've been following me for years, I honestly can't wrap my head around it, but it means so much to me. In this weird parasocial way, it makes me feel like I have these ancient friends that I share old memories with. I'm pretty sure I know EXACTLY what creek drawings you're referencing, I was weirdly proud of that post because it did NUMBERS, but hell if I know why. Looking back on it, the drawings weren't very good, but I guess tumblr had more users then, and sp was popular.

AND YEAH, I really do get around when it comes to fandoms don't i?? I really don't tether myself to any one thing, I just draw whatever I like at the time. Iz is a source of nostalgia, now in more than one way (childhood watching the cartoon, my teenage years participating in fandom), and not to be cheesy or anything, but it's like a Home in a way. Familiar territory I guess. I'll always like iz!

Thank you so much for sending me an ask!!! Literally so kind of you, this means the world.

#ask #answered #cinnamonghost

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rrxnjun · 1 year

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content creator year in review.

thank you so much to toffee @neo-shitty for tagging me in this, i always enjoy talking about my work hhh also thank you for blessing my dash with your works and other posts throughout 2022 🤍

tagging. @shinachiro @kiachiako @cherryeoniis @crispy-chan @daegall @decembermoonskz 🫶

first creation and most recent creation of 2022. my first fic that i posted this year was not a single dandelion (johnny), which i worked on from the end of the year 2021 if i remember correctly. the most recent one is not posted yet -- two people (mark), but the one i did post already was a very spontaneous work called when nobody's watching (renjun).

one of your favorite creations of 2022. i really love my yangyang fics, if i'm being honest, but if i had to choose one, my most favorite would probably be i'm not angry anymore (well, sometimes i am) (yangyang), because it's an idea i've had in my head for months and i think i executed it quite well. also, i really relate to the way i portrayed yangyang in this fic, so it's a personal thing for me haha.

one creation you're really proud of. however weird this is, i'm really proud of just saying (yangyang), even though the plot is silly HAHAHA a few people told me they think the fic is quite funny and i really strived for that, so i am glad i succeeded hihi

a creation that took you forever. just saying (yangyang) took me around 3 months to write, and will we talk? (donghyuck) took me... 6 months?? i started it in january and then got into a very depressive episode where i thought i'll never write again (and i also had finals and stuff LMAO) and then i picked it up in june and finally posted it mid-july,, although the plan for the fic was done last june. so technically, over a year- practically, maybe like 2-3 months of writing HAHA

a creation from 2022 that received the most notes. surprisingly, it was annoying (derogatory) (donghyuck) LMAOO its a halloween fic that I DIDN'T EVEN POST ON HALLOWEEN i posted it like 3 days late TT will we talk? (donghyuck) is a close second though, so i guess hyuck fics just do it for y'all

a creation from 2022 you think deserved more notes. honestly, i think your city gave me asthma (mark) and since i saw vienna (jaemin) deserve a lot more than they got hh, but as angst fics, i'm not really that surprised, since i didn't expect more.

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it. none! im a loyal czennie LMAO no fr i did join a few i think but i stick to writing for nct, because its the only fandom i still engage in :)

a creation you made that breaks your heart. your city gave me asthma (mark) is a very personal fic that i wrote after i moved for uni. it's filled with all my homesickness, loneliness and feelings of not fitting in that i still kind of resonate with until now. when nobody's watching (renjun) also breaks my heart because of the concept of renjun's character and how he constantly changes himself up just to fit in, yet, still failing. also, i'm not angry anymore (well, sometimes i am) (yangyang) breaks my heart on another level because of my mentioned relation to yangyang's character, and about how my primary emotion has always been anger.

a 'simple' creation you really love. i'm not bitter anymore (i'm syrupy sweet) (jeno) is a very simple fic with literally 0 plot, but i really do love it with my whole heart. it's just a fluffy redemption arc i wrote for jeno, just glued pieces of ideas i had in my notes that i couldnt fit into a long fic haha

a creation that was inspired by another one. a lot of my fics were inspired by songs, if that counts. but i think sugar and salt: the game of trust (mark) was inspired by multiple dystopian books i've read but i think mainly by squid game and the hungar games i suppose?

a favorite creation made by someone else. over on my fic recs blog @03230 there's an 'absolute favorite' tag you could check out for my favorites, but to mention some -> baby face (donghyuck) by @smileysuh friendly favour (donghyuck) by @hencity romancing (donghyuck) by @jenoloqy and they were roommates (donghyuck) by @tyonfs the lonely hearts club (seungmin) by @neo-shitty

some of your favorite content creators from this year. i honestly haven't read much this year, but here are some people whose works i really enjoyed 🫶 @shinachiro my talented best friend, @neo-shitty @cherryeoniis @daegall @sunpopz @tyonfs @luvdsc (always)

#i talk a lot im so sorry AHAHAH #bar.txt

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feestbeestjes · 10 months

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I've had such a silly/stupid/weird/eye-opening day. Time to blog about it

Went to my derm for a check up completely miserable and fucked up my left bike brake on the way over. The derm says I'm fine and healing well, it's the derm with the good bedside manner and the sick blue metallic shoes, I believe her. I feel slightly relieved.

On my way back I sit by a lavender bush for a while and look at the bumblebees who are collecting nectar. I help one of the smaller ones back onto a flower, a guy comes by on a bike with his camera and takes pictures of them. My mood lifts.

I come back to my bike and find a way to hold my brake gear in place so I can bike to a shop to fix it. I call them in advance, they tell me they can fix it. I bike for three minutes and almost eat shit. My break line has now completely snapped. I can bike freely, it's not ideal but it works.

I get to the shop. The one of the employees takes a look at my bike and tells me he's gonna try and fix it.

I spend about two hours there.

We talk. The employee is the new owner, this shop is one of his three businesses. I tell him I animate for a living and the film I'm most proud of being able to work on was one surrounding themes of police brutality. He tells me his sister is also an animator (3D) and that he used to be a cop. He left because he doesn't believe the system will get any better. He admitted under staffing was part of the problem, but that the police are inherently a racist organization that doesn't intend on changing its ways. He told me he couldn't stand the amount of injustice he saw while he was working for the police and so he quit.

I ask him which of the businesses he currently owns is his favorite.

He tells me he owns a massage parlor and that helping people relax also makes him happy. The other two have nothing to do with each other but he also tells me he's either been an escort or that he has run an escort service (I forget), has worked in court and as a youth fire fighter, all until he got bored and decided to do something else.

He also tells me he's 23 years old.

I tell him I think it's pretty admirable how he can switch careers so quickly and that I wish I could do that.

He asks me what I would do if I could and I can't think of anything in the moment. I ask him what he wants to do next and he also doesn't know.

He can't fix my bike in the end. The whole brake needs to be replaced and he doesn't know how to do it. The person who usually repairs the bikes is at a different location. He calls the other store and they agree to take my bike. I'll have it back tomorrow.

He gives me a bike to loan and we fill in my contact info. He asks if my first name is with an "e" or an "a" but then spells my last name with two L's on accident. It's late in the afternoon so who cares really.

I ride my newly loaned bike out into the rain. It feels as if the chain is busted at first, after adjusting the gear handle from one to three it rides like a dream.

#okay okay I don't know if I'm super gullible or anything #or how much of this was true #but he was nice and his colleague said he was also so I believe him #this is heavily edited down we talked about way more stuff! I talk to strangers pretty often when I'm outside but this dude stands out #anyway life finds a way!#I'm feeling a lot better then I did this morning who knows what tomorrow will bring #///

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loveisalwaystheanswer · 2 years

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Hihi!!!

First of all, im in love with your analysis! Its 100% on point!

I like how when Thomas first meet Grace, he is clearly attracted by her beauty. But immediately after that Thomas started to fall for Grace's personality. Especially in 1x5.

I know this is so out of context but I can't help but to think that possibly Michael could have a slight crush on Grace.... I know this is way off since we never see it but somehow Gina and Grace has the same classy aura just complete opposite personalities. Wonder what Tommy would think about that 🤭

Hello, anon! Nice to see you on my page))

First of all let me thank you for your kind words. It made me smile uncontrollably for a few minutes and I bet it made me blush even though I didn't look in the mirror 🥰

Yeah, S1 is in my heart forever.

I don't think I'm good at any type of analysis, I'm rather observing and trying not to dive into symbolism and that 'guessing game or assumptions' too much because sometimes it's overwhelming. Also, I love to read (and re-read) and reblog ANY of @nomdeguerreblogs analysis and I keep finding myself on her page over and over again. Kind of my safe place to think about PB in a deep way. She's not in the fandom now and I can clearly see why :( I'm missing her thoughts about the show and her blog is definitely an inspirational notebook to me. It takes me to the depths of thought about PB which I'm lacking these days. Sorry for this side 'sorrow-love' note. :)

Well, Michael. Looks like he's a version of pre-war Tommy in some way. So it was something that used to unite them. I think they actually love the upper-class women (as I recall on the wedding Michael was with a girl from Grace's side, not even have to mention May and Tatiana for Tommy) and maybe for them it represents a lack of need to do the things the way they do and a chance to escape their past. Because they are not so bad in nature actually and in the beginning they both wanted to "do the right thing" and were starving for stability and wealth. I also see high self-esteem (and it's not bad) and their understanding they don't belong to where they were born. There's not enough space for their personal growth.

Sooo, Gina and Grace are very well educated. They have sharp minds, self-confidence and self-respect as well. Both know how to behave themselves. Intellect is a tempting thing of course, but it doesn't mean that all educated women are smart and interesting. And in them I can see an ability to think for themselves (I can say the same about May and Tatiana). So there's no surprise Michael and Tommy were attracted to classy women. Because they saw like-minded individuals in them.

Maybe Michael had some attraction to Grace. A little bit. To her appearance. But let's not forget he didn't see Grace without Tommy and before Tommy's decision to get married. He didn't have a chance to know her well to start thinking about her like someone who's not Tommy's fiance. So it would be kind of stupidity to allow himself to develop his sympathy further even if there was any.

In my head someone who actually had a crush on Grace is Finn. Just imagine little boy in the Garrison who's getting some sweet attention from a pretty barmaid who treats him fondly in a sister's way, makes nonalcoholic drinks for him but yet she's not a sister. And a few years later there's a teenage Finn with all his puberty issues. Loool. A weird and a sweet thing at the same time.

As long as there's is no danger coming from Finn or Michael, I think Tommy would have been flattered in the both cases. In a "yeah-I-know-Grace-is-that-much-attractive" and "but-you-bunch-of-fuckers-all-you-can-do-is-envy-me-because-she-chose-me-not-you-ehehehe" way. He was very proud of her.

PS. But I have some drafts about two scene haunt me. I just need to take a good grab on it to finish. Sometimes I feel the urge to wait before I public that stuff. Because I've done this before in a rush and after that I found myself doubting my own thoughts and arguing with myself (echoes of my answer about Lizzie).

thank you 🤍

*oh gosh that got long*

#still don't know what classy actually means #label people is not good #tommy shelby #michael gray #gina gray #grace shelby #liata notes #anon or not #asks #peaky blinders

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meimae · 2 years

Text

1/09/22

久しぶり! It's been a long time since I've written one of these.

I've taken quite a long break from both immersion and blogging, but I think based on my effort from August, I'm finally rested enough to start again.

So, let's dive right into it!

First off, what was I up to in the time I was away? It's honestly going to be a bit of a weird overview this time around, since I'm compiling six months worth of kinda immersing, but I feel its only right to also show my struggles with learning a language. I also pursued some things in real life such as opening a new business that I have been putting more focus on. It's a small venture, but I believe it has potential to be better, so please keep me in your prayers.

All graph images are from a Discord bot that I use to track my immersion for points in a language learning server called The Moe Way. Please feel free to join!

MARCH

February was a great month for me. I read and listened far more than I had ever before and I was and still am very proud of my effort. I think because I was about to hit my two year immersion mark, so I was pushing myself to the limit everyday.

I am quite the competitive person for things I truly desire, and so of course I wanted to beat my previous record. Unfortunately around my birthday in March, I came into a very rough patch which left me really questioning what it is I truly desired to achieve with my whole pursuit of Japanese. It didn't seem like the two whole years of dedication I've had (and the several other years I've tried to get past the beginner stage) for this language would come to fruition soon and if at all. This started my relapse into depression and my descent to, and I'm really sad to say, hopelessness.

Now at this stage I was still immersing quite a bit, but not as much as I had hoped. I still immersed everyday, but with varying consistency levels. I was also very much struggling to stick to one reading material at a time, not because they are disinteresting, but because I was losing my motivation, albeit slowly. By the time the month ended, I didn't even feel like it was worth talking about on my blog anymore, which was not the correct response obviously, but it was my reality and I had to deal with it in some way.

Reading material: Sakura no Uta, Stardew Valley (in Japanese), Steins; Gate, Summer Pockets

Listening material: Youtube, American Life Podcast, Hiikibiiki, Anata no Ban Desu, JP News

APRIL

I didn't give up just yet. With every new month, I always saw a sliver of hope and a chance to try again. The burnout was cruel though, and all my energy tapered off halfway through the month. This still wasn't a bad effort. If anything it looked like my minimum immersion amount when I was just starting, so looking at it now, I can at least still give myself a pat on the back for trying. I also hung out a lot in Discord voice chat and joined immersion streams a lot more so I didn't feel as if I quit entirely.

Reading Material: Fate/Stay Night, Umibe no Kafuka

Listening Material: Youtube, CardCaptor Sakura

MAY

May was my whitenoise era. I talked to my Discord friends a lot, tried every possible thing I could if I found the energy for it, but ultimately was just not in the mood for Japanese, and even if I was, I could not understand anything to save my life which felt like how it was when I was at the height of my depression for every language I knew. The disappointment I felt in myself was unreal and I'm glad I at least had some friends who understood my struggles.

Reading Materials: Shingeki no Kyoujin, Fate/Stay Night, Umibe no Kafuka

Listening Materials: 1 Litre no Namida, CardCaptor Sakura, 100 Man no Onnatachi

JUNE

I don't even have a graph for this month. I mostly just hung around with friends whenever they streamed. I was so excited by a bunch of new reading material, but I was in whitenoise hell and couldn't even enjoy them.

Reading Materials: SpyxFamily, Hakuoki, Fate/Stay Night

Listening Materials: 461 Ko on Obentou, Youtube, Hajimete no Atsukai, Kung Fu Panda 1 & 2 dubs

JULY

Once again, don't have a graph. The worst month of my language learning journey. I swear I have given more effort to studying with textbooks than whatever happened this month. Did however try reading out loud on stream again, and just had fun laughing at my silly pronounciation mistakes with a friend.

Reading Material: Ohayou Ibarahime

Roudoku Material: Akaya Akashiya Ayakashino

AUGUST

And so we finally arrive to August. I felt so much shame and disappointment, nearing my 2.5 year mark without much to show that I tried really hard to correct it with some success! Again, of course it could be better, but with the help and encouragement of friends, at least I'm trying again.

I read 105,126 characters of Fate/Stay Night on the 10th of August and that gave me so much hope that not all was lost. I also crossed the 1M character mark on it which is a really good milestone to reach after struggling for so long. I may still have tripped this month, but it was still way better than the month previous.

Reading Materials: Fate Stay/Night, Sakura no Uta, Shingeki no Kyoujin, Stardew Valley

Listening Material: Porco Rosso

Moral of the Story?

Burnout is real. Depression and anxiety are the worst. Take care of your mental health. Learn when to take breaks and when to distance yourself from things that make you feel bad about your progress.

Find people who you can trust and rely on. Find new hobbies! Pursue new goals! Don't quit and never stop trying.

I love this language. I may have struggled, but I am stronger for it. One day, I'll find my footing again, but for now, just knowing that I have come so far and that I can still have fun and improve this skill is more than enough.

-☆-

Thanks for reading, and I hope that you who waited for me and took the time to read are doing well. ʕ•̀ω•́ʔ✧

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