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sargeant-bxrnes · 3 years

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one night, two consequences: final part. [rafe cameron]

part one part two

summary: rafe couldn’t stop thinking about you; you couldn’t get him out of your mind. neither could ignore the heartbeat that tied you both. and for the consequences of that night, decisions get made.

warnings: cursing, drama, angst, pregnancy mention, rafe being slightly possessive, slight dirty talk, smut, (semi public) sex, car sex, rafe being nice, happy ending?? ig

word count: 5.K

here’s my masterlist!

Three days had gone by since you revealed the truth to Sarah.

Three days since you and Rafe had had that... argument? Discussion? It was hard to tell what it had been, but it hadn't been nice and it definitely hadn't solved any issues. Your heart raced whenever you thought of him, and despite your resistance to admit it, it stung. The memory of his words ached in your heart.

At the moment, you were in The Wreck, the restaurant owned by Kiara's family. The friend group was all gathered in a table, having dinner while talking, having a great time.

Your eyes crossed paths with Pope's, and you offered him a small smile, the one he returned seconds later, although it wasn't as bright and cheerful as it would've been before.

To avoid hurting him, or putting responsibilities that didn't belong to him on his shoulders, you'd decided to put some distance between you and Pope. It didn't mean you two would stop talking or hanging out, but it wouldn't turn or evolve into anything else. He'd been comprehensive, but you couldn't ignore the sad expression that casted over his shadows every time he saw you ever since.

You'd done it for his well-being, you didn't want to drag Pope in the mess that your life was about to turn; and hopefully, someday he'd forgive you for it.

"And I got fired." JJ deadpanned his story of the day, eliciting mixed exclamations from the group, John B found it amusing, while Pope and Kiara found it concerning, Sarah and you shared a look, trying to hold back a laugh.

"You got fired for locking yourself in the fridge to ice cream?" John B questioned in amusement, taking a sip of his drink. "Sounds about right."

"It was worth it," JJ assured proudly, not bothered at all by his foreseeable lack of job, and therefore, money source.

"Rocky road?" you asked him with curiosity. That was the only ice cream you considered worthy getting fired for.

"Rocky road." JJ confirmed with a wide smile, constantly nodding his head.

Next, a discussion about types of ice cream ensued. The group was having a lively discussion when the door of the restaurant opened; which caused y'all to lower your voice to avoid making the customers uncomfortable about the Rocky Road vs. Oreo discussion.

However, this customer didn't care about the ice cream discussion, he'd visited the place with one intention only, which is why he didn't hesitate to speak.

"Y/N, we need to talk."

The group fell silent as soon as Rafe's voice cut through the room, they shared looks of confusion among themselves; wondering what issue it was that Rafe had to talk to you about.

You swallowed nervously, but didn't move from your place, you wished he had been a little more discreet in doing this; but there was no turning back now. Rafe had walked into The Wreck while everyone was dining in your company, and had asked to speak to you, without taking his eyes off you.

"C'mon." Rafe added as soon as he noticed the hesitation in your expression.

You sighed and stood up, your friends stared at you in a mixture of confusion and surprise, but no one said anything.

They were aware of the fact that your relationship or... whatever it was with Rafe was confusing, you two claimed to not stand each other, but Sarah herself had noted she didn't quite believe it.

Without another word, you opened the door of the restaurant and walked out to the cold night, Rafe walked out right behind you, placing a hand on your lower back so he could guide you to where he wanted you to go.

Sarah, on the other hand, had her eyes narrowed as she watched you two walk away, her eyes moving from her brother to you, and back to her brother. And that's when she connected the dots. It all made sense. Why you and Rafe were avoiding each other, why you got so nervous whenever she mentioned him, why Rafe had gotten drunk as fuck exactly three days ago... Sarah knew.

In silence, you and Rafe walked to wherever he wanted to go, he kept his hand on your lower back, and that's how he guided you to where he wanted to talk; the only reason you followed him is because you didn't want to have this conversation in close proximity to the restaurant either, the more distance and the less likely you were to be overheard, the better.

A minute later, you saw Rafe's truck (in reality it was his father's), parked in an abandoned parking lot, so you understood that that's where he wanted to go.

Once you were there, Rafe intended to get in the truck, probably to drive somewhere else, but you wouldn't go anywhere with him, you could talk there just fine, the place was deserted and two blocks away from anything else in the vicinity.

Rafe noticed that you wouldn't get in the truck, so he rolled his eyes and walked to your side, standing in front of you in silence as he put his thoughts in order.

It was awkward. Very. The last time you'd seen each other you'd ended up yelling at each other, and the time before that, you'd fucked.

It was impossible to predict what would happen tonight.

Rafe must've ran his hand through his hair at least 4 times before deciding how to start; he figured the best way to do it was to go straight to the point. The last thing he wanted was another misunderstanding to happen because he sucked at explanations.

"I wanna be here." Rafe spoke up firmly, wetting his lips out of nervousness.

You waited a couple of seconds before saying anything, hoping he'd explain what he meant by that, but he didn't.

"Meaning?" you asked calmly.

"I'm not letting you do this alone, Y/N." He stated, his eyes trailing down to your belly. Even though there wasn't any big, or noticeable changes there, it was still there.

"Oh, so now you offer your support? I thought you 'didn't give two shits' about what I did." you replied with a huff, folding your arms over your chest.

"Well, turns out I do care."

"Making me feel terrible was surely a good way to show it." you muttered. You didn't mean to be pathetic or a crybaby, but his words had had more impact than you'd like to admit.

"I freaked out, alright?" Rafe replied honestly, placing a hand on his chest, his blue eyes travelled over your face; that's when he realized his words had hurt you, even though that hadn't been his initial intention. But then again, he sucks at explaining.

"Yeah, no shit Sherlock."

"Y/N," he closed his eyes and sighed heavily, determined not to let your sassy, sarcastic act piss him off like it normally does. "that baby is mine, yeah?"

"I'm aware."

"And I'm not letting your uh—your hatred for me or whatever that is to get in the way of what I'm supposed to do." he complained. His tone wasn't precisely hurt, or angered, but he wasn't nice about it either.

"Hatred? You think that's the reason why I hadn't told you the truth?" you asked with a raised brow, and he didn't say anything against it. "It's you. You are the reason I tried to keep it a secret."

You didn't want your words to hurt him, or make him upset, but you wanted to let him know the truth as raw as possible. He had been the reason you hadn't told him about the baby, his attitude, and the noticeable lack of father material.

"I'm not following..." he admitted, scratching his jaw.

You sighed and looked down for a few seconds before raising your head and staring at him in the eye. "D'you have any idea of the mess we got ourselves into? I highly doubt you're up for it."

"How would you know?" both of his eyebrows were raised, Rafe took a step closer to you, making you take a step back.

"Because I know you, Rafe." you mumbled.

Perhaps things weren't as clear for him as they were to you, but it was unlikely Rafe would be up for being a father. You'd never pictured Rafe as a father, not for another 5 years at least.

"You see what you wanna see," he complained, pointing at himself, as if to emphasize his own words even more. "Am I not here? Asking you to let me help you with the baby?"

Touché.

"So," you paused for a few seconds, just for the suspense. "you're telling me, you wanna be a father?"

"Not just that," he clarified, taking a small step closer. "I wanna be here for you."

"Now I'm not following." you admitted, unsure of where this conversation was going.

Rafe huffed at your words, and an expression of disbelief shadowed his features. You raised an eyebrow at him, wondering if there was something you didn't know, or something you were missing in the conversation.

"Do you really think I'm just- just going to let you walk around with anyone, knowing that you're carrying my baby?" his eyes were narrowed, as he took more steps closer to you. "That I'm just gonna sit there and watch you date someone else?"

"But-"

"Tell me! Do you really think I'm gonna let you go just like that? Fuck no. I want all of it. I want you."

Was he serious? A part of you wanted to believe him desperately, however the other side was scared of being played and fooled.

Besides, why admit it now? Why hadn't he said something like that the very same night you two got laid, or being brave enough to say it the next day? Or any other day? Why on Earth had he chosen to say it like this, and at that moment?

"Rafe..."

Your lack of reaction to his words, and overall, your lack of reciprocity angered him. He felt like an idiot, it had taken him so much courage to say those words, and your only reply was his name?

"What?" he was slightly aggressive. "Is my level of commitment still not enough for you?"

"It's not that," you shook your head.

"Don't try to deny it," he took a step closer, your back now pressing against the door of the car. "I know you feel it too. You feel something for me, yeah?"

As much as you would've liked to say 'no', you couldn't. Your heart was racing; and you felt your cheeks getting red a this closeness. You couldn't deny how he made you feel.

You could've lied to him and said that you hated him, but your body would always betray your words.

"So why the fuck are you fighting it, hm?" he raised an eyebrow at you, his voice slightly mocking. "Aren't you tired of pretending you don't want me as much as I want you?"

"I think there's someone else." You lied because the truth is, there wasn't.

You wouldn't drag Pope in this mess, he still had a scholarship to take care of, and he deserved better than someone as messy as you.

"Huh," he wetted his lips and nodded his head, but it was an angry nod. "someone else."

"Yeah..."

"And do tell me, does that person know?" he questioned you, taking another step closer, so this time he was standing right in front of you, his body pressing ever so slightly against yours. "Do they know that you're pregnant and the baby is mine?"

"No."

"Then don't waste this," it almost sounded like he was begging you. " Don't waste us trying to chase something else, Y/N."

Before you could even reply, his lips were pressed against yours, his hand on the back of your head as your back pressed against the truck's door.

Due to the surprise, it took you a few seconds to catch up with him, but you eventually did, wrapping an arm around his neck to draw him even closer, if possible.

His tongue trailed over your lower lip, silently asking for a way in, which you gave by parting your lips and allowing the kiss to get deeper, and more desperate.

He placed a hand on your hip, his fingers digging into your skin while your fingers absentmindedly tugged at his hair, demanding for more.

He was the one to pull away; his blue eyes dark with lust, his reddened lips parted as he regained his breath.

'Fuck it' you thought.

You bit your lip mischievously, placing a hand on Rafe's chest to push him away just a couple of steps, enough for you to reach the door handle and open it.

Rafe had been thrown off by your actions at first, but once the truck was open, he smirked and walked back to you, helping you get in the back of the truck with ease, and of course, slapping your ass on the process.

He closed the door behind himself and quickly, his lips pressed against yours as your fingers fidgeted with the buttons of his shirt, the light from the lamppost nearby was barely enough.

His hands had quickly slid over the oversized t-shirt you wore, his anxious fingers finding your breasts, twisting your nipples enough to hear a moan escape your lips.

Rafe had been maneuvering his way to get on top of you, but that wasn't your plan. So before he could do anything else, you stopped him by placing your knee against his chest.

"What is it?" he questioned you.

You'd been so sure about it, but now that you had to verbally say it, y'know, out loud, it got stuck in your throat. The way he was looking at you made you want to be completely at his mercy, and you wanted to kick yourself for it.

Truth is, Rafe had you at his feet.

"I... wanna be on top."

"Huh," he smirked, almost looking satisfied by your words. "You wanna ride me?"

You nodded your head eagerly, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of saying it out loud, he'd get plenty satisfaction already.

"Alright," Rafe nodded his head and sat back, so this way you could move and let him lay down. "I'm all yours then."

You faltered for a couple of seconds at his words, but didn't allow your mind to linger too much on it. It probably meant nothing.

Without a word, you got rid of the rest of your clothing, being internally grateful for Rafe's tinted windows. For a while, he just stared at you, feeling himself hardening in his pants but doing absolutely nothing to get undressed.

It wasn't until you looked at him with a raised eyebrow that he reacted; and he could've sworn he'd never taken his clothes off as fast as now, not even when you pulled a prank on him by telling him there was a bug in his shorts when you two were younger.

Not wanting to waste more time, Rafe hurried up to help you get on top of him, being careful of not hitting your head on the truck's ceiling or slipping out of the seat.

You wrapped your hand around him, holding it tight and giving his dick a few pumps, it's not like he needed to get any harder, but you wanted to tease him.

"Keep that up," he warned with clenched teeth, throwing his head back against the seat, the veins in his neck popping out as his abs tensed. "And-"

"And?" you questioned teasingly, pumping him slower now, running your thumb over his tip and down the side of his length and over the vein.

"Oh—fuck," his hips jerked closer to your hand. "Stop that."

"Why?"

"Wanna be inside you when I come," he grunted, gripping you by the wrist and pulling your hand away from his dick, using the same hold to pull you closer. "so bring your pussy over here and stop messing around, yeah?"

Such a gentleman. As always.

You carefully lined yourself up with him, you were so wet already that you knew he'd slip right inside you, even if he hadn't done anything to you just yet. But once again, you had to admit teasing Rafe Cameron was so much fun.

Rafe audibly groaned under you when he noticed you were stalling, you saw his eyes roll to the back of his head when you brushed against his tip; and quickly understood why the bastard enjoyed making your eyes roll. It was so fucking hot.

But enough was enough. Without another word, you sank down on his length, both letting out loud groans of satisfaction.

Rafe's hands found a place on your hips as quickly as you pressed your hands on his chest to keep balance.

You remained still for a couple of seconds to adjust yourself, Rafe's eyes were fixed on you, the way your skin seemed to shine under the light that filtered through the windows, and just how focused you seemed in taking his dick without showing how much you were actually enjoying it. But he knew you were enjoying it, he could feel you clenching around him already.

His mind was formulating some snarky comment, but before he could spit it out you started to slowly, but surely move your hips in accord to what you needed.

Soon you found your rhythm, bouncing up and down on his dick, your nails clawing slightly on his chest while he held to your hips tightly, trying to move you up and down to the rhythm he preferred, but you didn't let him.

You clenched around him every time you moved your hips up, and it never failed to make him let out a groan. With every sharp thrust of his hips from below you, you felt his tip touching the spot deep inside you that only he seemed able to find.

Although he was enjoying himself, Rafe soon enough caught up with your intentions, with your actions rather. You were using him. Pleasuring yourself with him. And although the mere thought of it could've made him cum, he would not let you play this game alone.

Before you even knew what was happening, Rafe sat down with you still straddling his dick, took a firmer hold of your hips and started to move you down while his hips moved up, his pace was quick, and his thrusts were deep, almost desperate.

He pressed kisses against your skin, whenever he could make them land though, as your bodies kept moving in sync, so quickly and strongly that you were almost sure the truck was moving as well.

One of his hands let go of your hip to sneak between your body and his, the tips of his fingers aiming for your clit, starting to circle it as he observed your expression, proud of the mess he’d done out of you.

"Look at me," Rafe’s voice was firm, but it didn’t stop your eyes from rolling out of pleasure, he grabbed you by the jaw and made you look at him, right in the eye while he's still thrusting mercilessly. "no one's ever gonna fuck you like I do, you know that, don't you, princess?"

It didn’t matter how much you wanted to, you could will any words with sense to leave your mouth, all you could do was moan and mumble his name.

Your literal lack of words was satisfactory enough for Rafe, his fingers circled your clit faster, and soon enough he started to chase his evident release.

Sensing you were as close as he was, you started to clench your walls around him and trying to make your movements deeper, which seemed to work wonders by the way Rafe’s breathing picked up and his groans got huskier.

Not too long after, the movements got erratic and the speed turned unstable, you clenched your walls one final time around him as your release washed over you, and the way you wrapped perfectly around him prompted Rafe’s own release.

His lips were jerking while he rode out his release, his fingers held an incredible grip on your hip while his face buried in your neck, and it was the overwhelming mixture of feelings that caused him to speak without thinking twice about it.

"Oh fuck... I love you.” he mumbled over the skin of your neck as his thrusts slowed down to an almost stop.

"You what?" you asked him, your voice barely above a mumble as you caught your breath.

"You heard me." Rafe replied with one last thrust of his hips, stilling underneath you, while being still inside you.

"Say it again." you didn’t know if you wanted to hear it again to convince yourself he’d said it, or because it felt great.

"I fuckin' love you." Rafe admitted, his eyes finding yours quickly, his head was still lowered, so he was looking at you through his lashes.

Rafe was terrified. Terrified of the way he’d just blurt it out, terrified of his own feelings and yours, or rather, possible lack there of.

"I love you too, dickhead,” you admitted as well, placing a hand softly on his bicep. And of course, such confession had to be balanced with some attitude, so you added something else. “but you still annoy the hell outta me tho."

"Huh.” he seemed proud and somewhat relaxed, but you could tell he was holding back a laugh by the way his lips curled.

"What’s so funny?"

“Nothing.” he shrugged with ease, wrapping one of his arms around your hip.

"Rafe?" you raised an eyebrow at him; making him roll his eyes.

"You say I still annoy you while my dick is still deep inside you."

"So?"

"It’s like you're trying to make me fuck the attitude outta you." he said, pretending to be careless and unbothered while he flicked one of your nipples, to then twist it softly between his fingers.

It was tempting, but you were exhausted.

You shook your head while a smile appeared on your lips as you wrapped your arms around him, and even if it hadn't been your initial intention, you ended up hugging him out of tiredness.

Rafe froze under you, not being used to this type of affection. His hands were hovering over your body, insecure if he could touch you or not. But since you didn't move, Rafe realized that maybe reciprocation is what you expected.

He wrapped his arms around you, and slowly started to lie back down, making sure you're comfortable while lying down on his chest.

You weren't sure of what he was doing at first, but once you caught up with it, a little smile made its way to your lips.

Rafe was trying to be nicer, he really was. And it was nice as much as it was scary. Y'know, because you were used to Rafe being a dick.

You made yourself comfortable by placing your head on his chest, one of your arms over his chest as well, and a leg wrapped around his hip. He placed a hand on your lower back, keeping you close.

"That day... it came out all wrong." Rafe began, but you didn't say anything, giving him time to explain. "What I wanted to say was that I didn't give a shit about what you chose to do 'cause it would be fine by me either way."

"Really?" you asked with genuine curiosity.

"Yeah, didn't want to force you to choose anything you didn't want and make you hate me forever." he admitted, his voice being so shy and feeble it seemed like a mumble.

"Nice to know."

"Why? Have you made up your mind already?" Rafe asked, moving slightly so he could look down at you and stare at you.

"Yeah," you nodded your head and looked up, he deserved to know this and keeping eye contact wasn't a bad idea. "I'm keeping it."

"Alright..." Rafe said, wetting his lips as he nodded his head repeatedly, as if he were trying to convince himself of what he heard.

You could feel his heart beating erratically inside his chest. He was either excited or scared, probably both.

But so were you. Having a child was exciting but also the most terrifying thing ever. Especially having a child with Rafe out of all people.

"And I also wanted to tell you that..." he paused while he moved again, more out of nervousness than necessity. "I've wanted you for years and it had been driving me fucking nuts."

A little smile crept its way up to your lips, you moved your body to between his legs with your arms at the sides of his body while you carefully laid down again, so this way you could look at him in the eye and know how serious he was about it. There was no mocking, no sarcasm. He meant it.

"But you had to throw a tantrum and storm off before I could say it, didn't you?" he continued, although this time it was more of a complaint, his eyes slightly narrowed.

"In my defense, you were being a dick. An aggressive dick at that." you defended yourself with an amused smile.

"And in my defense, I had just found out I'm going to be a father. at 19. I was fucking terrified, alright?" he justified himself, placing his hand on his chest as dramatically as he apparently could.

"And are you, still?"

"Yeah," he paused again, his eyes searching for yours. "but... maybe, if we do this together, it won't be so bad."

"Together as in..." you trailed off, expecting him to finish the sentence for you.

"As a couple."

"Is this your way of asking me out?"

"Of asking you to be my girlfriend." Rafe assured firmly, his hand moving from your back to your hip.

"You're not really asking, y'know, cause you're not making a question." it was hard to keep a laugh back but you managed to do it, speaking as seriously as you could.

"You're not gonna make me ask the question, are you?" he questioned you with a raised eyebrow.

"I wasn't, but since it seems to bother you so much, I will." you admitted with an amused smile, being unable to hold it back.

"Grow the fuck up, Y/N."

"Sorry Rafey, no question..." you started, moving your body up so your face was inches away from his, mumbling over his lips. "no nothing."

He rolled his eyes and wetted his lips, placing both hands on your hips and guiding you to sit down softly on his lap. "Be my girlfriend?"

"Just that?" you teased him playfully, trailing his body with the tip of your finger, all the way from his bottom lip, down his chest, his defined abs and as low as you could go, feeling him shiver with pleasure underneath you. "where's the effort, pretty boy?"

"Ugh fuck. Please?" Rafe couldn't believe the leash you had on him already. "be my girlfriend."

"Now that's the way to go," you said in amusement, patting his chest, slowly moving away from him. "kind of."

"Where are you going?" he asked you, an eyebrow raised as his hands remained on your hips for as long as they could before you slipped out of his grasp.

"Was your plan to stay all night here, in the back of your truck?"

"With the view I've got right now?" he questioned, nodding his head at you while his eyes were clearly and shamelessly focused on your breasts. "yeah."

“Well, maybe you’ll get some of this later,” you teased while reaching under the seat, searching for something to clean yourselves with. “but only if it’s on a bed.”

“Why, scared of getting caught?” he teased while inching closer to you, getting an old golfing shirt of his from under the seat, and starting to clean your legs with it.

“Scared of bumping my head against the ceiling,” you joked while you let him clean the mess. “That would be a terrible way to go, by hitting my head against the ceiling of a truck while you fuck me.”

“Sounds to me like there are worse ways to go.” Rafe teased, purposefully gracing closer to your entrance, making you hiss due to how sensitive you still were.

While talking about trivial things, you and Rafe dressed up; he insisted on keeping your panties in his pocket and promised to return them once you were under his bedsheets.

Smartass.

“So... how are we gonna tell them?" You asked him, letting your eyes linger on his hands for a while longer while his fingers wrapped around the wheel.

"I have no idea,” he admitted with a sigh, to then shrug. “it's not like we owe them any explanations anyway."

"Then it's settled, we'll do this together.” you said, trying to convince yourself and testing the waters, trying to see how honest he had been about it earlier.

"I won't let you down, alright? I’m- I’m gonna be- I’ll be the best version of myself,” he glanced at you briefly, placing one of his hands over your thigh, squeezing with affection. “I’m gonna get my shit together for you. I won't let him or her down. I promise you."

He looked like he meant it; and you fervently wished so.

You wanted this, you wanted all of it. You wanted Rafe.

It’s probably the best consequence you’ve ever gotten after a reckless night, and you were happy with it, happy with him.

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retroellie · 3 years

Text

The Last of Us Headcannons

Summary: Headcannons about TLOU2 characters

A/N: I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a bit, I’ve ben stressed so I thought I’d write for my comfort characters lmao

Warnings: Slight NSFW mentions, TLOU2 spoilers

Word count: 2.4K

Ellie

-This girl is the best girlfriend i swear

-She will always tell you she loves you when she leaves or even if she goes into the other room

-She’s lost a lot of people so she’s always telling you how much she loves you just in case

-Helping her when she has nightmares, especially after joel's death

-”Please don’t leave me.”

-“Ellie, I’m not going anywhere.”

-She’s definitely a lover of old music

-80s and early 90s was definitely her favorite eras music and movies wise

-Gifting her records you found in abandoned buildings

-She draws you a lot, especially when you aren’t paying attention

-One time she couldn’t sleep so she drew you, she thought you looked peaceful asleep. That drawing is probably her favorite she’s ever done.

-You basically live with her in the garage she lives in

-Winters are always cold in the garage so y’all are basically attached to each other

-You both are cuddled up watching movies with tons of blankets on

-This girl is horny all the time, like if yall are alone she’s on top of you

-Dancing together at the dances

-This girl is so clingy omfg

-Ellie worries about the looks and comment yall get when showing affection in public so she tends to tone down her clinginess

-Joel loves you, point blank period

-When ellie tells you what joel did for her, you didn’t know if you should be happy or sad

-They were gonna take ellie away from you, you probably would've done the same

-”My life would have mattered.”

-”Your life matters to me.”

-You tried to make her feel better about it though, telling her that there would still be bad people and infected in the world

-Neck kisses from the back, my heart is melting holy shit

-She asks maria to put you on routes with her cause mama you are not going without her

-Puns, just puns all the time and you love it

-Definitely calls you babe and baby, you always make fun of her for it but she knows you loves it

-Yall make fun of each other but it’s all in good fun she will never take it too far

Joel

-You’re this mans baby idc

-No one hurts you or they will get tracked down and their knee caps will be gone

-Joel knows full well you can take care of yourself but he just gets so mad

-This man is so soft for you

-He tries to spoil you the best way he can, going out of his way to get you presents from abandon stores

-Teaches you how to play guitar

-He will have you sit in his lap and play the chords

-”Is it sounding better?”

-He just nods and kisses along your back

-He will sing you to sleep if you ask him

-This man has shown you some good ass music, yall sometimes just lay in bed and listen to old records

-He loves the way you look in his shirts, this man melts or bends you over the kitchen table

-He doesn’t cry often but this man is hurt

-The first time you saw him cry was when he broke down to you about ellie and the fireflies and what he did

-It hurt him a lot to admit it but he was so relieved that he could let go and someone be on his side for once

-Tells you all about sarah and how she would like you

-”She would’ve loved you.”

-”Yeah, casue i’m the coolest.”

-”You're a nerd.” He chuckled out

-He would happily tell you about life before the infection, what it was like to not have to look over your shoulder all the time

-He would never tell you about his time in boston

-He didn’t want to scare you, so you never asked but you had a good idea of what happened because of tommy

-Slow dancing in the kitchen while dinner is on the stove

-Forehead kisses in the morning when he has to leave for rounds and your dead to the world

-Calls you Babygirl and princess, IDK HE JUST SEEMS LIKE THE TYPE OKAY

-His voice in the morning>>>>>>

-Will watch you dance from a far while at dances

-Takes you out on little dates, he doesn’t even care about the stares yall (The age gap)

-He is prepared for anything to happen so he loves you like it’s his last day

-Talks about having kids with you but is okay if you don’t want them, i mean he’s not sure if he wants another one but hell, He said he wasn’t going to date anymore but here we are

-If you want kids he doesn't care hold old he is, he will try and try and try to give you a child

-”Damn it i got my period.”

-”Well then I reckon we gotta try again, huh baby girl.” He says with a smirk

-This man has a daddy kink and that’s all i gotta say about that umm anyways

-He is madly in love with you and he shows it, he has lost too many people and he has the mindset of “Good things don’t last forever”

Tommy

-I love this man with all my heart, he’s my baby

-He’s very caring and will hold you anytime you need to be held

-He just wants to help people and make the world a little easier for them so he overworks himself to the max trying to keep everything in jackson in order

-”Tommy, it’s 3 am and you got rounds in the morning. Come to bed.”

-”Yeah i'll be in there in a minute, i just gotta figure out the food supply situation.”

-Having to drag his ass to bed

-He loves cuddling, he loves feeling close to you

- Your the fighter of the relationship, tommy doesn’t like to fight if he doesn’t have too so he lets you deal with the violent stuff

-Although tommy loves his brother, he has a hard time forgiving him for the violence he exposed him too

-He feels very undeserving of you and everything good in his life., you have to constantly reassure him that he is a good person and is doing a great job

-He does have nightmares of being in Boston but you were always there for him, he was so thankful for you.

-He loves your cooking, like it can be the most simple thing ever and he’d be like

-”This is the best Cereal i have ever had, who taught you to cook like this?”

-He has mommy issues, like his mother wasn’t really around so he has a lot of issues with that ig

-He is the best kisser i said what i said

-He’s very passionate and possessive, it’s cute

-He gives you his jackets all the time, he thinks you look so cute in them

- This man is literally the softest i can’t

-He doesn’t cut his hair just because one time you told him you liked it long

-”Jeez honey, your hair is getting pretty long.”

-”Shoot, do I need to cut it again.”

-”No...I like it long, it flatters your face.”

-”I will literally never touch my hair again ever again now that you said that, Okay”

-You have expanded this mans music taste

-He only ever listened to country cause i mean he’s a simple man but then you came along

-You got him a walkman just so he can listen to the music you recommend him

-He tells ellie all about you and asks her for help because he doesn’t want to mess up anything

-He’s not good in relationships and he believes he’s not a very attractive man so he doesn’t really try but he sees himself marrying you

-Spoiler he asks you to marry him because he can’t see himself without you, he doesn’t want to imagine how the world would be so dark without you in it

-He’s not into cute nicknames so he’ll just call you honey

-After joel's death, he was broken and you didn’t think you can even put him back together, but your willing to try

Dina

-I think you would be dina’s first girlfriend but she would love you with all her heart

-She kissed you at the dance and everything kinda clicked from there

-She would sneak over to you house in the middle of the night

-”Jesus, i could've killed you.”

-”But you didn’t silly, come on i’m cold lemme in.”

-”You're gonna be the death of me dina.”

-Your rounds with her were never boring, it was always an adventure with her

-Making out behind building because she couldn’t wait till yall got home

-This girl will tease you until your bright read in the face

-She will definitely love kissing you, like she will just randomly kiss you

-She will try to smash you literally anywhere, when she’s wanting to do the nasty it doesn’t matter where you are she will pull you into a random room or bathroom

-She never bores you in bed too, she’s always up to do new things especially since your her first girlfriend

-When she found out she was pregnant she wanted to give this child the best life so yall decided to move out into a farmhouse

- Having a kid didn’t really change how she loves you

-She’s still crazy and wild but now she just has a kid on her hip

-You guys were co parents so you both would hunt and take care of JJ

-You guys would do almost anything to make that kid laugh even if that was dancing like lunatics for an hour straight

-You guys almost never get alone time so just laying in bed without the kid felt nice

-Yall are cottagecore lesbians idc, yall are the best parents and i said what i said

-From behind hugs and kisses, she will grab your hips and kiss your neck until you have no choice but to rip her clothes off

-Vintage records and slow dancing with JJ

-I feel like being in a relationship with dina feels like a vintage song about love

-There's lots of dancing in this relationship because dina loves dancing

-She’s always afraid that you will feel left out in the family though since your not JJs real parent but you always tell her you don’t mind and you love JJ just like how Jesse would

-She finds it so hot when your all protective parent when it comes to JJ, as soon as he falls asleep mama yall wont get any sleep

-Yall are the best parents, dina will fight anyone who hurts JJ and you make him feel loved

-When he gets older you guys try to tell him about Jesse without making you seem like the outsider of the family if that makes sense

-Taking care of the animals and plants as a family and reading books about how to while laying in bed

-Dina makes the best food and she tries to teach you but it just doesn’t add up to what she does

-Okay we don’t know much about her sister but by the picture we saw she looks hella cool and i think you would be like best friends with her

Jesse

- yall sleep on this man i swear, so this one is to all my jesse stans are there

-He’s kinky, that’s all

-He knows he’s hot and he’s super cocky about it

-He’s not much of a cuddler ngl but he will fall asleep and wake up spooning you

-Your really close to his mom, like she loves you so much

-He’s very reckless and your kinda the opposite so you kinda tone him down abit so you think that’s why his mom likes you so much

-Jesse isn’t much of a dancer and he doesn’t really listen to music but he does like to play video games

-You always pick him up video games randomly and gets so excited

-You force him to dance with you at dances and he’s so awkward about it

-”I hate this.”

-”Awe you love it.”

-Always trying to grope you while dancing, like will have his hands on your ass and theres kids behind you like sir stoppp but like keep going

-”Hey! watch those hands.”

-”I have no idea what your talking about”

-You and dina are pretty good friends like even after their weird relationship, she’s happy for the both of you

-Okay so let's pretend jesse didn’t die and he is alive and well

-When he finds out dina is pregnant he freaks out, he’s still pretty young so he’s terrified he won’t be good enough

-When the baby comes though he’s so excited, when he’s in the infirmary with dina your happy for him but you can’t help but feel an outsider

-Dina is so sweet and tries to make you feel better

-”You're gonna be the coolest step parent ever. I’m glad my son gets such a badass step mom damn.”

-Dina does move out of jackson still though so yall only get JJ every other week, that was the agreement

-He cooks in the morning for you and JJ while yall are laying in bed

-I’m sorry but he’s literally the coolest dad, his entire life changes because of that kid

-When JJ leaves to go over to his moms house Jesse won’t let you get out of bed, this mf hasn’t got any in a week

-He gets a bunch of cook books so he can better his ability to cook for little JJ

-You guys decorate JJs room together and it’s the cutest thing ever

-He takes you to romantic places in the abandon city when yall are on rounds together

-Jesse has a lot of friends but he would much rather hang out with you

-Yall call each other stupid and dumb a lot but it’s never used as an insult its just for fun

-”Damn it, why do i always get the nasty ones.”

-”Because your stupid, dummy.”

-”That’s right, i forgot.”

-Your guys bed is never made, you guys don’t even bother at this point. Like either the kid messes it up or you guys mess it up so what's the point

-He picks you up when he hugs you, literally pick you up from the waist and lift you up

!Credits to gif owners!

#The last of us #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us x reader #ellie williams #tlou ellie #ellie williams x reader #joel miller #joel miller x reader #tlou joel #Tommy miller #tommy miller x reader #tlou tommy #dina x reader #tlou dina #Tlou dina x reader #tlou jesse

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whetstonefires · 3 years

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Hi Whetstonefire. I have a question about the comic where Nightwing cheats on Starfire with Barbara: What happens directly after that? Does Starfire find out that Nightwing cheated on her? And, if so, how does she react? I've read online that (according to Marv Wolfman) Starfire is the opposite of everything Batman taught Nightwing to be and that Batman taught Nightwing to be repressed and cold. What did Nightwing contribute (emotionally) to the relationship between him and Starfire? (Cont.)

(Cont.) From what I can tell, from online, Nightwing was adamant about standards of mercy and monogamy - how do you think, if Starfire were to be written as her own character and not written around Nightwing and his emotional needs, she would handle and react to that? (This bit is an FYI for other readers: this is just speculation, not hate. Sorry about that.) Sorry about the questions! Have a nice day!

Okay there are so many separate questions packed in here! I may miss some of them lol and I do not want to put in the hours it would take to produce an orderly response to all this, so this post is going to be a mess.

Initial query and important point: the cheating story was out of continuity. Like, literally, not just by ‘being rejected by the fanbase,’ it was just this weird retcon oneshot that seems to have been some sort of fuck-you to Nightwing or his fans or something. So no, it had no in-setting fallout lol. It, in more ways than most comics, didn't exactly happen.

It was just this weird thing where Dick hooks up with Babs before giving her a wedding invitation, which is both out of character for him in general and out of step with where he was leading up to the wedding--he was desperate to get married so they could have some Normal Stable Adulthood Happiness; the choice to recharacterize him as a fuckboy who regards it as a loss of freedom isn’t congruent, on much more than the level of principle.

As far as how Kori would feel about it, if she had learned...that is very hard to say. Apart from how it would require her to reinterpret everything about where their relationship stood at that point, the data is very unclear, and I don’t even have all of it. Gonna back up to cover some of the rest of the ask, get some context here.

So this actually brings up two of my biggest gripes with Wolfman’s NTT--weird Kori characterization and the weirdly negative interpretation of Batman as parent that backwashed heavily into other titles and influenced the character for the worse, in ways we're very much still dealing with today. 😩

The latter is pretty self-explanatory, though Wolfman’s take that the main thing Bruce taught Dick was repression does shed light on some writing choices and make others funnier. But Kori. Oh my lands.

So, item one, I wouldn't say that Kori is overall opposite Bruce, or even of his philosophy? There are just some very major points of opposition. She isn’t emotionally buttoned-down like at all, especially about positive feelings, although considered realistically with all the bullshit they’ve piled into her backstory she absolutely leans on repression to cope and stay positive, which makes her a lot like Dick actually.

To an extent, she was clearly written around foiling Dick’s Batman-derived traits in the same way that Robin was written to foil Batman, bright and glad and aerial. A Flamebird to his Nightwing in theme if not in name.

You could do some interesting stuff with that, and the bildungsroman aspects of this period of Dick’s life, like he has two roads forward in terms of how he’s going to define ‘adulthood’--does it necessarily require becoming more like his mentor-father, for good and ill, or can he make Kori in part a destination, as it were, and create an adult self that is derived from who he has always been as well as the man he’s modeled himself after?

To an extent I think this even was one of the things going on in ntt but like. Only a little bit.

(Given how much like Bruce Babs is in most of the ways Kori isn’t, especially once she’s Oracle, you could make a case for her as love interest being like. Symbolic of his not being in a rebellious phase? That gets weird and oedipal really fast tho lol.)

Okay stepping down one meta level lol, the thing about answering the 'what would kori' question here is that her character is deeply bound up in her culture, about which we are told and shown a great many contradictory things. Any attempt to read her as an independent character has to tackle not only the gender stuff you allude to and these inconsistencies, but how much of the sheer mess of her is rooted in racism.

'Fantastic' racism, technically, because Tamaraneans aren't real, but the 'taming the savage' narrative that kept surfacing between them and the language used in reference to it is just. The existing racism of presumably the writers, placed in Dick's mouth, and it's super gross. I hate it so much.

(I had a faint hope when they cast her for live action it was with a deliberate intent to directly tackle and better that history, but lollllllll nah. At least they didn’t double down in it tho! Can you imagine, with a black actress, in this day and age....)

So to predict and comprehend Kori, you have to make a lot of calls about Tamaran as a civilization. I like to slightly privilege stuff established earlier if there's no good reason not to, so while much is made over time of her inappropriate rage and the violence she was raised to normalize, I think what she says in her first appearance is good to keep in mind: in her culture, kindness is for friends and cruelty is for enemies. She doesn't understand why the Titans seem to have this backwards.

Kori is not a merciless person. She’s very empathetic, as a rule. With people she loves, she is self-destructively forgiving. That's not a trait only Dick benefits from--her family keeps betraying her in new exciting ways, and she keeps letting them.

Her arc of growing away from that habit is however greatly crippled by centering Dick in the narrative and by the awful 'civilizing' overtones that keep coming into it. When she comes back after the 1986 breakup, still married to Karras, she brings with her a commitment to doing things the Earth way--to eschew lethal force as more than a compromise with her friends’ values, but as a deliberate choice.

This deserved a lot more space and time than it got, and the fact that it didn’t get it is only somewhat due to her being subordinated to Dick and to general writing fail; a lot of it’s just the team book problems of everything happening to everybody all at once.

I mean, Dick’s journey later on to deciding he loves her enough to date her even though she’s married and it’s technically against his principles was packed into this absolutely heinous issue where he was inspired by a woman refusing to separate from her husband who’d just threatened to kill her and their kid with a knife, until being stopped by Nightwing. Because he’s apologizing for what he did.

This is his inspiration for accepting Kori’s marital status! It’s supposed to be heartwarming, as far as I can tell! Not heavyhanded messaging that this is a self-destructive terrible choice in which Kori will inevitably harm him somehow! This issue is pro ‘consensual open relationships under certain circumstances’ and also ‘giving abusers another chance’ as expressions of love. Welcome to the 80s ig.

(Notable is that the wife in this issue was black and the husband and son both looked very white, so it’s probably her stepkid and she probably wouldn’t get to keep him if they separated; this is not even vaguely treated as a factor.)

Point is, everyone was getting too little space to actually go through the amount of development they were getting, and it was clumsily handled; it’s not just her.

In an overlapping period Gar processed his issues with his adoptive father with whom he constantly fought and their shared trauma over the rest of their family (the Doom Patrol) having died violently not long ago via a batshit several-issue storyline where Mento went crazy, created supermutants, and abusively mind-controlled them to attack the Titans. It is literally all like this.

Back to the infidelity thing, now. So much to unpack. So like I mentioned above, their first big breakup, while partially driven by Dick’s existing conflicted feelings about their different ideas about things like ‘killing in battle’ and ‘her identity and loyalties being tied up with her home planet,’ is explicitly over different takes on monogamy.

When Dick is breaking up with her, Kori makes it clear she thinks it’s totally reasonable to have both a husband and a love, since Karras also has someone he loves and they’re both fine with it, but the story doesn't really explain how nonmonogamy works on Tamaran, or even if it's practiced outside the context of political marriage. They do do a sort of...soulbond fusion dance...thing, as part of the ceremony, so marriage is definitely serious business. There are so many levels of cultural difference that get poor to no development.

But to return to the weird ooc retcon cheating story: because of this context, no matter what her personal norms are, Dick specifically casually sleeping with someone else would be something for Kori to be mad about, because of the hypocrisy.

Then there’s the Mirage Incident, which I haven’t read through properly and which was very poorly handled by the writers. Kori is upset about Dick having slept with someone impersonating her and there’s a general vibe of this being treated by Dick’s social circle as unfaithfulness even though he was in fact sexually violated by deceit; it famously sucks.

We still don’t learn a lot here about Kori��s ideas about monogamy, from what I have seen, because her focus is mostly on feeling like Dick doesn’t care about her enough or in the right way since he couldn’t tell the difference. Which is an understandable feeling, even if it’s not an appropriate reaction to have at him at this time.

What Nightwing contributed emotionally........hm. This is a mess, honestly; he was all over the map, and not just because of having Brother Blood in his head. I cannot speak definitively on this, it’s too inconsistent.

For most of their relationship, Kori was the more intensely invested one, the one to initiate and the one who was shown at length to be excited to come home at the end of the day to their shared apartment because her boyfriend was there to see and talk to. If we set aside his more egregious white male bullshit, Dick was pretty emotionally available most of the time, though? They were cute.

Since they split up a lot of ink has been spilled making him less into her in retrospect, but he was pretty invested--leaving her coincided with mental breakdowns both times, and it wasn’t even mostly because she was doing his emotional processing for him, because she wasn’t, although it’s fair to say he often fell into using the relationship as an emotional crutch. Kori was definitely doing the same thing though so...it wasn’t the most balanced relationship in fiction history, but apart from slight codependency and the racism, it was decent enough.

She gets more evenhanded development than most superhero love interests, honestly, because she was costarring in a team book. She had her own storylines. She had other friends.

Mostly both of them just needed some space to finish growing up and stop being retraumatized long enough to process some of the existing trauma better, and I think they could have gone on being good for each other for a long time.

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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Oooh yeah the first time I was playing as a female mc because I wanted to romance ava and I usually go male mc if I want to romance a man and female mc if I want to romance a woman (and I think there was one book with where mc could be non-binary so I picked that one but I didn't finished the book), and Stacy's brother felt Hetero™ in a way, like Hollywood ish (? Honestly like cinematographicly bad hetero) but I ended up really loving Andy too, and Stacy felt a little flat but also I really liked her potential, like go crazy girl, and the mom issues.

Apart but holy shit you're 10000% right about that teacher like who inmediately threatens expulsion just like that for something not violent ??? And to an honor student with way too much on his plate ??? Obviously it would have been bad with any student, but you have literally the reason of why he's doing it and as a teacher HE LITERALLY COULD HAVE HELPED WITH IT ??????? Like something teachers can't really help students because it's a family thing only or is a financial struggle or etc but it was literally because of school (and his family, but the teacher could have heloed him with the school part)

(Identity thief anon (also I go by any pronouns ahhshs))

ur valid! that's lowkey what i wish i'd do (picking female MC if my fave LI is female and the other way around, i mean) but unfortunately i always go into the stories blindly having no idea what i'll find </3 so i cant really do that doiajdiosa and then i get attached for the MC i picked so i feel bad about changing their gender/name/appearance when i replay. so what i usually do is that i pick a male MC when i get the option because A- u don't always get the option, so i end up being male half the time and female half the time either way; and B- i feel slightly more comfortable with a male identity than a female one. like i'm still nonbinary and i wouldn't consider myself male aligned or within the gender of Man, but like... when i first came out i went by any pronouns but then because im afab everyone was like "cool, she/her only it is" so i was like fuck that and stopped using she/her. so i feel slightly more comfortable with a masc MC and end up going with that

there's also the fact that it always feels slightly genderfucky to have a male MC because choices is so sexist and also always writes the stories assuming ull pick a female MC, even when they give u the option not to. so when u pick a male MC he's very like not toxically masc and some things they add to make a QuiRkY MC that are very white woman and would feel annoying are actually kind of subversive for my black and brown male MCs. so like another win for queerness /j

ILITW MC in particular i feel has HUGE nonbinary vibes like no reason at all he just does <3 maybe it's just that for once the male clothes for ILITW actually fUCK. i wanna dress in that goth outfit <3 so gorgeous ugh. i love him even tho he's a fucking dumbass

also there's a book where an MC can be enby? worm? ive only ever read one book in choices with any enby characters at all (america's most elligible, books 2-3) but they weren't even a LI which is disappointing cuz they were a billion times superior to any of the LIs. sorry america's most elligible LIs fans

also oh connor IS the epitome of white cistraight man even when u play as a man tbh, like he was just so cistraight to me daouhdsaojdasij he kind of annoys me but also i forget that he even exists until he shows up onscreen and choices starts trying to push me into his lap and i'm just like, ugh, not again

and yeah i think i feel a similar way about stacy. i don't dislike her as a character and i don't feel like she as a character felt flat, her growth was very interesting and i loved seeing her start to challenge her mom like YESSS GO GIRL GIVE US EVERYTHING, she just felt flat as a LI to me ig? like idk i didn't feel chemistry between her and my MC personally, but also like, stacy girls are valid u know

right exactly. like i don't think ppl really understand that a school that doesn't drive people to cry during finals week and feel absolutely crushed by having to be there and that makes ppl feel like they're stupid, not enough, and overwhelmed IS IN FACT POSSIBLE and actually pretty easy to make when we stop treating students like statistics that will get the school more clients/funding (depending on whether it's a private or public school). and like as a teacher getting my degree in brasil it just feels completely surreal to me that anyone would see a student who's so overwhelmed by the amount of extracurriculars and responsibilities he feels like he has to take that he starts taking drugs to help his performance despite it affecting his health, and see that as like... something morally reprehensible? like it is bad that it happened but it's not the student's fault, what's morally reprehensible are the circumstances that led to his decision, not his decision

and like it is very much a systemic problem, more and more kids are taking focus pills to be able to survive the pressure of school and have a shot at a future, either on their own or because we are actually medicalizing not existing to be productive. and if it's a systemic problem then the fault is at the system?? and like holy shit i legit don't understand why choices gave us options like being like "it still isn't enough" when lucas gets rid of his pills, what do you mean it isn't enough??? enough for what??? to FORGIVE him???? for something that only hurt himself??? for something that is very much a systemic problem and therefore NOT HIS FAULT????? literally what the fuck even is this, lucas doesn't have to "make up" for a single thing, he needs to be HELPED is what he needs

like idk i know that the school system in the US is...... extremely backwards lmao which is not a term i like to use because it usually implies imperialistic views but the US is the height of world imperialism so like actually idc. brasil has a pretty progressive constitution and as a teacher my whole education was focused on being critical of the school system, particularly the productivity obsession, and drilling into us again and again that we aren't supposed to just be teaching subjects, we are also supposed to be teaching how to be a citizen, be a critical human being, work towards building a better future, and learning and growing AS A PERSON to be healthy and happy are values of the school system

like that's easier said than done when schools are under insane amounts of pressure by companies in practice to be productivity-driven, and most teachers who actually want to do a good job end up having to live at the edge of the knife and constantly fighting back outside pressure, but at least it is very much a mandatory part of our education to become teachers and also like literally part of the constitution. so i just... i can't fathom reacting the way mr cooper did? like as a teacher i felt BETRAYED, i felt like he shat all over my profession because that is the opposite of what we should be doing, this is a kid who needs help

and just like hOLY SHIT HE DID NOTHING WRONG, what are you punishing him for??? it's not even a like, stealing bread to feed your family situation, because what he did HAS NO VICTIM OTHER THAN HIMSELF, and therefore HE IS THE VICTIM NOT THE CULPRIT. he doesn't have to repent or atone or answer for a single fucking thing, he didn't victimize others, he doesn't have to apologize, there's nothing to punish him fOR??? like i don't believe in punishment anyway cuz im a prison abolitionist but doDAUSDJADASIJDAS???????????? HE DIDN'T. HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. WHY IS THIS WHOLE GAME ACTING AS IF HE WAS IN THE WRONG. OH MY GOD

it's like saying that someone needs to be forgiven for self harming????? like how is it that someone has been hurt continuously until it led them to hurt themselves and then they have to? make up for it to a bunch of other ppl? my god it makes me so mad and i genuinely don't understand the logic, like usually when i see someone doing fucked up shit i can see the logic but i don't agree with it, but this time i genuinely DON'T SEE THE LOGIC. my USan friends said it was because he was technically doing drugs but like i legit still don't understand

anyway any school that drives a student to do something like that needs to rethink their entire curriculum and the psychological effect it's having on kids, because lucas is 1- not even the first one according to mr cooper; 2- even if he was, that'd be the only one who got CAUGHT; and 3- even if there was really only one singular student who went tHIS far, i doubt the others weren't feeling that same pressure and dealing with it in other similarly unhealthy ways

i know that's probably easier in brasil than in the US even if it's by no means easy here because here at least in public schools the curriculum and political-pedagogical plan has to be agreed on by the school community (teachers, parents, students, workers, and anyone who lives in the area of the school) and it's updated every year, so like, you have more means to do something to change the school in a deeper way, altho of course that still has to mean swinging the rest of the community, but still. but at the very least he could have looked for counseling for him? tried to find a way to take some of the workload off his shoulders? given him some more time on assignments? motioning for all the clubs he was the president of to have co-presidents so he was less overwhelmed?

like there was just daodsao he could have done so many things and he justs DIDN'T he chose to not only punish him instead but quite literally THREATEN HIM WITH DEATH because that's what calling the police on a latino student over a drug charge is. like he might've survived but the possibility that he would fucking DIE was very much there, and i know choices didn't think of that because they'd rather die than think about the racial implications of anything but holy fucking shit. and im not even getting into how mr cooper is BLACK because then ill just start biting people like thanks for putting that threat on a black character's mouth choices. if u need me ill be foaming at the mouth

anyway SORRY god why is it that i always get to the salty part within 2 seconds of joining a fandom i promise that i actually like it lives and the way they handled most of their plot, i genuinely think it's a very well written and actually worth ur time story but i just doadosaida like i said particularly as a teacher in the context where i'm being taught, plus with all my political beliefs, i just can't let it go aaaa

also ty for telling me ur pronouns! idk if i assumed them at any time, i don't think so but i might have done so without realizing and if i did im really sorry. also sorry for the gigantic salty reply daojdsaojdaisjsajdoadsaodasj rip me i never shut up

#it lives spoilers #ilitw spoilers #it lives #salt #long post #drugs tw #cops tw #police brutality tw #racism tw #victim blaming tw #anti connor green #ilitw #lucas thomas #ask #identity thief anon #self harm tw

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mattyfm · 4 years

Text

new york’s very own matthew oliver was spotted on broadway street in converse . your resemblance to luke hemmings is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-fourth birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being temperamental , but also benevolent . i guess being a gemini explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be bubbly laughter, the smell of fresh coffee, & long drives to watch the sunset . ( cis male & he/him ) + ( monique , 20 , she/her , pst . )

my name is monique i’m both the baddest and saddest bitch you’ll ever meet and i have NEVER written a concise intro in my life, so be prepared for a lot of jumping around, incomplete thoughts, and information you didn’t ask for. without further ado let me introduce you to my angel boy matthew oliver.

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐬

full name. samuel matthew oliver.

nicknames. sam, sammy, matt, & matty (preferred name and most commonly refereed to as).

age. twenty-four.

date of birth. june 17th.

occupation. actor. (i might give him another job eventually but don’t hold me to that)

sexual / romantic orientation. bisexual & biromantic.

birthplace. asbury park, new jersey.

zodiac. gemini.

spoken languages. english.

𝐛𝐢𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐲

samuel mattew oliver was born to two extremely loving parents jeremy and elizabeth marie oliver, arguably one of the most influential celebrity couples known to man, at least that’s what it felt like growing up in the household, everyone was talking about the oliver’s and when they weren’t...well that never happened

as a middle child, preceded by his older brother mason, and succeeded by his younger sister cassandra, naturally he was born with a crave for validation, anything that separated him for his siblings

but naturally in his need to be different he found his closest allies, more so mason than cassie, but eventually she grew on him, and was most certainly not forced upon the dynamic duo of brother by their parents, but believe me he grew to adore her!

childhood was seemingly normal minus the bombarding questions from nosy students who wanted to know what it was like to have celebrity parents or be rich or live in a house with more bedrooms than necessary

unlike his siblings however matty reveled in the attention way more than he let on, it was nice to be noticed for something, even if it wasn’t quite what he’d been hoping to be noticed for

but by no means was he stupid! he wouldn’t allow anyone to take advantage of him and had an unusual talent for knowing when people only wanted to use his friendship as some sort of gain for himself, and extended this talent to his sister cass, because boy oh boy did she need it

their dad who i forgot to mention was a professor at juiliard, his alma matter, caused a constant bouncing back and forth between their coastal home in new jersey and their urban townhouse in new york

both places felt like home to the trio! they made so many good memories, however matty was extremely preferential to the coast, and to this day maintains a beach boy vibe, swears everything is just better by the beach

going back to his upbringing for a minute high school rolled around for him and mason and he just became even more extremely protective of cassie, he went through things extremely unknown to his family

on the outside he was the model person and student, honor roll, a long glowing list of extracurriculars including sports, even holding down a normal job like everyone else at his high school, and not a single blemish in his criminal record, the squeaky clean olivers remained squeaky cleans

HOWEVER there was some shady stuff going on behind the scenes my guy, nothing too terrible, just the usual teenager with loving parents who raise a troubled teen, not because of any past trauma but a need to feel seen

DRUGS & ALCOHOL TW got into a lot of fight but always told them they had to fight after school, he got into drugs, nothing too hardcore, just weed (is that a weed i’m calling the police vibes).....at first.....but that’s a different story so moving on! he of course drank with his buddies at high school parties, honestly just vibing my guys, just straight vibes always

secret!!!!

CAR ACCIDENT TW & ALCOHOL TW & DEATH TW one day he’s vibing, it’s the summer they’re celebrating another school year complete, and by the end of the night nearly black out drunk at this point, he knows he can’t go home so he decides to get a ride home with a buddy he worked with, tell his parents that said buddy took him home after work, they worked on homework and fell asleep. and honestly had he had a little less to drink, he would’ve realized that his friend was just as drunk as he was, but they drove anyways. this lead to a drunken car accident, that ended in the death of a pedestrian. thankfully his friend’s dad was a lawyer, and they covered that shit up immediately.

after this whole ordeal choose an accelerated course of study to pursue his acting career, finally something people would talk about that would be solely his, like not really, but let him have his moment alright, he was desperate

lowkey feels guilty about being a hypocrite towards cassie because he’s telling her not to do any of the thing

ADDICTION TW he almost kicked his habit but getting back into acting and the guilt of having blood on his hands, was too much for matty, and he developed a drug / alcohol dependency, which he recognized was extremely harmful! he went to rehab! and has been very vocal about his struggle with addiction ever since

had an on set romance with a costar that crashed and burned, quite publicly, and was just not good for his mental health one bit! def didn’t help with his constantly teetering sobriety but he managed to get through it with the help of his family and his friends

acting wise he’s starred in a bunch of movies but his baby is the netflix show that he’s been working on, i would like to think it’s kind of a sitcom esque show mixed with the same comedic timing of the office, parks n rec, those kinda self-aware humor vibes

ADDICTION TW he plays one of the main character, and his dipped his toes into directing and writing a couple of episodes, the show truly gives me one day at a time vibes, just brings light to mental health, addiction, important issues you don’t normally see portrayed on tv, and he def plays schneider, the bumbling rich boy who does and says what he’s told, struggles with addiction, has a super childish nature, and just a hint of self-awareness but just a hint as a little treat

this is so ooc but i’m realizing he’s quite literally schneider from one day at a time

MENTAL HEALTH TW & ANXIETY TW has receded from that cool kid persona he once held back in what i refer to as his ‘glory days’ and is now extremely vulnerable to everything and everyone, will literally cry if you even look at him the wrong way. struggles with really bad anxiety, among other mental health issues (which is why his netflix show and he advocate so heavily for mental health!) but is quite literally one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet, softness runs in the oliver family ig.

IS LITERALLY SO CHILDISH....where was once extremely mature for his age....he now copes with his trauma by just acting like a toddler, literally mixes chocolate milk IN HIS MOUTH like a heathen, but that still doesn’t stop him from being fiercely protective of cassie, and will fight anyone for her

currently vibing! filming, being his best(?) self, and making trips to the nj coast

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

positive traits. accommodating, adaptable, affable, affectionate, agreeable, altruistic, amiable, attentive, caring, cheerful, communicative, compassionate, considerate, courteous, creative, dependable, easy-going, empathetic, exuberant, friendly, fun-loving, generous, gentle, genuine, gregarious, helpful, honest, humane, humble, joyful, kind, lively, loyal, loving, optimistic, outgoing, passionate, playful, reliable, resilient, romantic, sincere, sociable, tender, trustworthy, thoughtful, understanding, and warm-hearted.

negative traits. anxious, amenable, avoidant, awkward, critical, defensive, disorganized, dogmatic, (over)emotional, evasive, foolish, forgetful, forgiving, gullible, headstrong, hopeless, idealistic, impatient, impulsive, irrational, messy, moody, oblivious, (over)protective, sensitive, shy, thoughtless, and weak-willed.

𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

here’s some basic plot ideas but we can always brainstorm smth! friends, frenemies, enemies, friends to lovers, childhood friends, ex best friend, costars, unrequited crush, bad influence, exes, one night stand, roommates! i have

#wealthyhq:intro #alcohol tw #drugs tw #mental health tw #anxiety tw #car accident tw #death tw #addiction tw #i hope lia still loves me after this #i might cry a little bit #please love me <3 #I AM NEEDY AND SO IS HE

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piancapink-blog · 6 years

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Hi Amores!

So I’m sharing some insight from my reflection time this week, please bear with me lol, I’m def going somewhere with this one. This week, a friend made me reflect on the difference between the judgments we make about people, how we tend to label them, and the difference between accessing someone’s behavior, judging them and/ or labeling them. Firstly, by definition, a judgment lays down the gavel on someone and labels WHO they are as “this or that”, whereas an assessment by definition is simply an observation of a behavior or action of a thing or person. To some people, this is semantics, but it really isn’t, because people change every day, and sometimes people stay the same, and sometimes they don’t. In fact, those of us who believe in the God that makes all things new every day, according to His word, often have to or need to leave space for people to change, evolve or heal even if their behavior is hurting us, or has hurt us in the past. I’m reflecting on this, because often times I have to constantly check myself on whether I’m making judgments or assessments of a person or thing, and that reflection often times leads to an awareness of something either negative or positive about myself.

It is said, that God says to, “protect your heart amongst all things, for it is the well-spring of life”. I so strongly believe this to be true. How many times have we been heartbroken or let down not only by others but by our own behavior and our lives have been completely changed by it? Or how many times have we trusted the wrong people, only to be betrayed over and over again? Or how many times have we allowed people into our mental or physical space, and have been used and taken for granted, or our vulnerability and graciousness were used against us in our darkest times? How many times have we opened up to people who are were committed to misunderstanding us behind our backs, yet have portrayed love and kindness straight to our faces? How many times, have we unknowingly been our own worst enemy, despite our good intentions and taken on the role of the victim for longer than we should have, just not to look in the mirror and see the reflection of our own darkness?

All of this causes mental and emotional trauma, and trauma takes a lot of time to heal because the science of our biology builds up so many internal defense mechanisms just to survive and push forward, without ever seeming to break in the eyes of others; that it’s hard for some to even know they have an issue or hurt other beyond words, or even take the time to get better, because let’s be real… Healing HURTS! The thing is that time is very unforgiving, it keeps going, and it tells all truths and waits for no one. This is a reality and law of life.

I’m not big on judging people, as I’m often misunderstood myself and I always find it easier to rid myself of my anxiety if I understand others instead of judging them; but I believe that it is wise to call things and behaviors as they really are today, in the present, even if that’s not what will always be. If not, I/we will fall prey to being eaten alive by the toxicity of others, and of our own. When we don’t hold ourselves and other people accountable for allowing and accepting bad behavior, we become traumatized by the pain, hurt and confusion it causes. Some things happen for a reason, some unfair cards are dealt at times, but most of the things that happen, are because of the decisions we make. So it’s always the healthier option to look within and reflect on the lessons or purpose of the experience than it is to find out WHY others do what they do, or focusing on the problem, issue or pain, than the solution and path toward healing. Everything can be a learning experience if we allow it to be, even the bad and unfair things, and the more we learn, the more abundantly we live from the inside out. Once we heal and go from a victim to VICTORIOUS, only then can we see the lessons from our failures and the failures of others.

We all need someone, or each other to get through, no one is an island and if they are people that are, it’s because they chose to be. SUPPORT SYSTEMS ARE EVERYTHING! We are only alone in our minds, but often times when we step outside of ourselves, can we look around and reflect on about the people that love us, even if their love doesn’t extend itself how we would like, they are there… Even if our trauma doesn’t let us see it. Gratitude helps us heal, and we see that we really aren’t alone and that even if there are times where no one shows up and there are NO family or no friends in sight… There is still a God who wanted us to be alive at this very moment in history, and that is truly the ultimate source of TRUE and unconditional love. We aren’t alone, it just seems like that at times because we live so much in our own minds, or the mental health conditions or personality disorders some incur through life’s trials and tribulations make it hard to feel worthy, the gratitude of life and a healthy love for ourselves, and others. Remember, the battle is always in the mind FIRST, and then everywhere else. KNOW this, so that you won’t forget where’s the battleground! My therapist used to challenge me to understand the negativity and pain of others around me, even when I was directly in the path of that pain because it helped me to learn HOW to let go of the hurt, whether they caused it intentionally or unintentionally in that moment, giving me space for forgiveness. Forgiveness helps bring back the focus back on myself, my healing and my lack of awareness in whatever areas I’m struggling with. I surely don’t know it all, and I’m forever learning about myself, as I am of others as life plays itself out. Taking time every day to talk to God, and reflect on the day or things that He has put in my spirit, has helped me so much in my personal growth and I want to encourage you all to practice taking the time out to reflect on a daily basis. I’m definitely not perfect, but self-awareness is KEY towards the discovery of self and a very important tool that helps us better listen to God from within ourselves… Guiding us, showing us, healing us.

None of us are positive ALL the time, or happy ALL the time, or LIGHT all the time. We ALL have a dark side, the key is to do our best not to let that dark side hurt the people closest enough to see it. No matter how you try to control the “energies” around us, dealing with negativity with GRACE is apart of life, and a necessary interpersonal skill. Not all people have to be a part of our “circle of family and friends”, but we shouldn’t limit our kindness, empathy, and love to only those within our circle because that’s wack, self-righteous and extremely pretentious. This is a different journey for us all, all with different a different storylines, time marks, and experiences, so let us all respect the process, and reflect more often, so we can spend more time checking ourselves than we do checking others. Also forgiving has always helped me put things into the right perspective, even if that meant I never want that person or issue back in my life. Not every person you love comes to stay.

Always question your behavior, know your triggers and manage them accordingly, most of all… Live your life so abundantly grateful that you can’t help but be joyful to be alive, and given the daily opportunity to correct ugly behaviors or poor mistakes, to change your circumstances, to learn new things and most importantly, how to learn how to better love yourself and one another in acceptance and without attachment to our own ego. Divine love conquers ALL! Get you some… Concluding this reflection, with a quote from a friend and excellent psychotherapist @ontologicalpsychology - Follow him on IG and stay WOKE! ——- “Sometimes what we consider "bad energy” is actually “good energy” trying to help us address our unresolved issues, [traumas], and our resistance to change. - J.Villodas

Let’s do better, folks. We got this! Thanks for reading and until the next… : )

#reflection #personalessay #healing #divineconnection #universalgratitude #loveyourself #loveothers #thinkdifferently #hijadeDios #gracelife #loverandafighter

#selfawareness #reflection #personal essay #healing #self care #selflove

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kaixlatte · 6 years

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🎆18 Goals for 2018🎆

2017 is almost coming to an end🙆🏻‍♀️ This year man. This year. It was full of new beginnings, love, pain, rebuilding, sacrifice, and lessons. I experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows. The roller coaster never stopped. So many extremes. But we’re almost there. We’ve made our rotation around the sun and a new year is here. So here it is. My 18 goals for 2018.

1. Appreciate: Honestly I will admit I’m not the most appreciative person and sometimes it ends up making me depressed. I’m so focused on what I don’t have that I forget what I do. This year I will keep my eyes on my own lawn and figure out how to make my grass greener. Living a life where your constantly looking at what other people have will never get you better. 2. Forgive: Hurt people hurt people. Sometimes it feels like an endless cycle of bad times and good. Sometimes you’re so wary of trusting people because you can’t get over the past. But forgiveness is necessary. It is true that being bitter over what happened is like you drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.it doesn’t work like that. I know your heart hurts. But you still have one. 3. Grow: Growth hurts. There’s a reason it’s called growing pains. But small progress is better than no progress at all. Growth tears you out of your comfort zone. It’s sink or swim. Life is constantly putting you in situations you would never imagine yourself in. It’s up to you to adapt. Are you gonna let this bury you or are you gonna bloom? 4. Save: But it’s so pretty! But I want nice things! We live in America. We are known consumers. We live in a generation of gimme gimme and wanting the next best thing. But did you really need that dress you used once for an IG post? Do you really need Starbucks everyday? Save up! You never know what’s gonna happen to you. Or maybe you wanna take a trip with someone you love. Spend your money on things that are worth it. If not hide it in your piggy bank. 5. Love: Hate is easy and love is hard. It’s difficult to show compassion and kindness when you’ve been done wrong. But that’s the reason you can’t sleep at night. You have all this hate in your heart. It drains you. Don’t let it hold you back. You’re better than that. 6. Open Up: Keeping it all in won’t make it better. Your thoughts can actually destroy you. Think about it like this. A gun won’t kill you unless someone pulls the trigger. Your thoughts aren’t stupid. You have the right to say what’s on your mind and not feel bad about it. Shit it took that much to get it all out in the first place. Be unapologetic with how you feel. 7. Share: The more you give the more you get. This life wasn’t made for you to keep it all to yourself. It feels good to give willingly. Knowing you made someone’s day better. It doesn’t even have to be a gift. It could be listening to someone when they’re venting to you on the phone or even saying someone looks nice. Get out there and give. The holiday season is the perfect time. 8. Let Go: Let go of the hurt that you keep inside you. It’s poison. Life hasn’t been fair. It’s torn you down. You’re so scared that one day you won’t hurt because you’ll be numb. You won’t feel. Anything. This honestly terrifies me. I️ hate to cry but I’m scared that one day I️ won’t be able to feel anything anymore. That those tears will be my last. Because I️ won’t care anymore. I’ll be too tired. So here it is. I’m letting go. May my heart never harden. 9. Breathe: Before you snap, before you dig, before you scream. Breathe for 7 seconds. Let a little bit of it out. All that pent up anxiety will age you. Release it. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. 10. Drink Tea: Green, Jasmine, Oolong. Whatever. Just drink it before bed. It’ll bring you peace and remind you the day is winding down. You can start over tomorrow. 11. Skin Care: Cleanse, tone and moisturize. Three simple steps that can be forgotten so easily. But nonetheless your skin will thank you. Also would it kill you to just drink water instead of getting a pink drink? Your dry lips and dull skin will be revived. 12. Organize: If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you write it down. No matter how jumbled your life feels, write it out. Set goals. Aim for deadlines. If it doesn’t happen now it’s doesn’t mean it never will. 13. Play: Why so serious??? You forget sometimes that you’re so young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Trying to get an amazing career, a house, planning for a family, a wedding? That’s a lot of pressure for someone who only got the green light to buy alcohol this year. Your pace is your own. Don’t rush the process. Play! Run around. Scream. Smile. It can’t always be all work and no play. 14. Give: Give your time. It’s so valuable because it’s something you can’t get back. Have lunch with your grandma, watch a movie with your loved one, take your sibling for ice cream. We don’t get back these moments but we’ll always remember them. 15. Move: Your room will always be there. But your room should only be meant for sleeping from now on. Go outside. Get some sun. Go back to yoga. Take a jog around the block. Walk the dog. That phone attached to your hand? Put it away. Life is happening all around you. Experience it. Participate. 16. Think positive: Everything truly does begin in your mind. Whatever you want to happen, can happen if you want it badly enough. Of course wishful thinking can’t get you everywhere but it’s a damn good start. 17. Manifest: “Anything I️ want I’ll speak into existence.” The mind is a powerful thing. Turn your I️ wish into I️ will. Only you can make it happen, no one will do it for you. 18. Pray: I’ll admit it. Me and God have kinda had a falling out. I️ basically yelled I️ hated him and tore pages out of my bible. I️ was getting this impression that every time I’ve cried to him for help I️ was met with silence. Also my parents are super religious and I️ feel like their hiding behind their beliefs because they have so much issues themselves. Not being straight up all. But I️ can’t let my parents define my faith. It’s one thing I️ won’t let them control. Their God is someone they fear. A being that’ll take them straight to hell. I️ believe God is Love. He wants us to be happy, to turn to him. He doesn’t want us to fear him and run from him. I’m at a different point in my life with God right now but we’re getting there.

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