And again

Hold my hand

Do not pick yourself up, do not be okay, because heartbreak is not about being okay, it is about remembering you were okay before.

Victoria Morgan, “How to Succeed in Heartbreak” (via buttonpoetry)

SHE WAS FIFTEEN - an original poem

She flinches when you touch her arm.

Because a 30-year-old man wouldn't stop touching not only her arm after she said no. Not because she decided to wear her new tank top that day. The shirt still lies underneath her bed, dusty and unwashed because looking at it reminds her of the empty feeling inside her stomach where a little life had to be removed cuz she was only fifteen and the father was a strange man who started the conversation with a catcall. The man had seen things she had not shown anyone else. Places she was told that were only for the one. Not a strange man on the side of the road surrounded by empty bottles. His hands left blue marks on her shoulders.

And even after 4 months she still feels dirty.

MAYBE - an original poem

Maybe one day we will look back and laugh at all the stupid things we did

Maybe one day we will come with solutions for problems we did not know how to handle

Maybe one day we will have a different perspective on life

Maybe one day it will all be over

Maybe one day it wont be such a chaos

A LETTER TO MY BEST FRIEND - an original poem

Dear friend,

I've been feeling kinda down lately. I feel like nothing makes sense anymore, nothing feels right anymore. And I want to tell you that it is getting harder to breathe. Every breath I take makes my lungs fill with pain. Every heartbeat feels like a brick, heavy in my chest. Time goes slower and every day feels like a week, every hour feels like 5, every minute feels like 7.

Lately, my mind has been a bit absent, I'm sorry if I forgot your birthday or your pets name, or yours. I'm sorry if I ask you something for the 3rd time. I just can't focus on anything, it's not because I'm not interested in your lives, its because focusing takes so much energy. Everything takes so much energy. Every day I wake up more tired than the day before. But it is this kind of tired that you can't get rid of by sleeping. It is not my body that is tired, it is my mind that is tired.

I'm sorry if I push you away, I don't mean it, it's just interacting takes so much energy. Pretending to be happy just so you won't get worried. And I know that you say that you will be there if I need someone to talk to, I know I should talk, I want to talk, but I don't want to bother you with my sadness. I've been hiding my emotions because I don't feel important. And you can tell me that I am as much as you want but the roots of the idea have made their way into my brain. Growing tight around my beliefs. Don't take it personally if I don't believe you when you tell me how wonderful I am. I know what I'm doing is wrong but the disease is just too strong. I'm sorry if I made you feel like you did something wrong. I'm sorry if I made you question your importance to me.

I want you to know that I love you even though I don't always show it

Kindest regards

S