CVS is stocking pride stuff already, and yes I know corporations don’t actually care blah blah blah THEY HAD NOT ONE BUT TWO ARO/ACE THEMED NAIL POLISHES????? And none of the other colors were themed after a particular identity they were all stuff like “born to slay” etc. anyway ya love to see it

When I discovered the word for people like me — "asexual" — twelve years ago, there were no explicitly asexual characters in any story or media that I had seen or heard of.

Now, on my dashboard I see you folks talking about your favourite asexual characters who are canonically, explicitly, asexual, and it makes me so happy, even if I never experience that media or those stories. "Such-and-such said they are asexual in episode nine!" "Blorbo is canonically ace — they said as much in chapter twelve, and the author confirmed it at Comic Con!" "Guys, this show has not one but TWO asexual characters, and an aromantic one!" "Binky the vampire said he's aro-ace! I KNEW it! He's my favourite character, and I'm so happy that he's like me! And the other characters are being so supportive, it's so lovely OMG!".

I have no idea who these characters are, but I'm so happy for us all. Please never stop.

I've not heard this idea before, but it is intriguing. I love goth and punk fashion partly because much of it is unisex or gender-non-conforming: the unsettling makeup, painted nails, jewellery, unsubtle hairstyles, shredded leggings, poofy shirts, ripped jeans, chunky boots, and so on, may be worn by any gender, and are meant to make an aesthetic statement and — especially in the case of punk fashion — are deliberately unattractive to anyone outside the subcultures. "I'm not here to be attractive or sexy or even appropriate; I'm here to make a point and express myself" is the attitude behind many goth and punk looks, and I guess that overlaps well with @glossyfeathers' statement of “yes, I’m this unsexy on purpose and now you, the onlooker, have to cope with your bafflement.”

“It’s the common lament of the ace to be infantilized, viewed as static, standing still, trapped in amber. Those close to us will outgrow us and leave us behind. We’ll end up alone because we will never be recognized as adults by society. […] When people look at me, they don’t see someone who has years of work and even managerial experience, who is financially stable and owns a home. They don’t see someone who has a partnership and two failed marriage proposals in their past and has outgrown them rather than been outgrown. They don’t see someone who has gray in their hair… although to be fair to them, it’s not usually visible.”

— Growing Up, Growing Into, Growing Out, Outgrowing

epic aro sculpture i did for class

the heart is made out of plastic bags wrapped with tape, so it's squishy ^_^ and the knife is qtips hot glued together. the knife is also removable!

Can I just have a sex-repulsed whinge for a moment?

It's everywhere. Sex and sexual content are everywhere. Almost every movie, book, and television show has innuendoes, if not a full-blown sex scene. Every webcomic. Every Tumblr blog. So many songs and poems. And even the stories that seem sexless on the surface I am assured by allos, who speak with total confidence and often salivating glee, have a gazillion metaphors for sex — that line of dialogue has a double meaning, and that image is actually a visual metaphor, and that scene is symbolic, and this and this and this ...

The queer community is rife with it, and any attempt to request non-sexual content or spaces is met with accusations of homophobia. Somehow, "There is nothing wrong with queer sex!" has become conflated with, "Sex of all kinds can be discussed anywhere, anytime, and if you disagree or express discomfort you are a prude and a killjoy and probably a homophobe, and your discomfort does not matter". As an asexual aromantic, I am part of a marginalised group (a-spectrum people) within a marginalised group (queer people); as a sex-repulsed, non-libidoist asexual, I am in a minority within that twice-marginalised group. My fellow queers are mostly allosexual, and many of them view asexual pride as a threat to their own sexualities. Thus, I cannot talk about my (a)sexuality and the way the world is hostile to it with the very people who also experience hostility for their own sexualities; the very people one would expect to understand and empathise.

Every social circle and club has people making sex jokes or sexual references, often in completely inappropriate or unnecessary moments. Sometimes I even find myself going along with it just to feel like I belong in the group, or so that people won't notice how revolted I feel, and I hate that. In the same way that some people can find a pun in any given sentence, some people seem unable to let the most innocent statement stand without finding some sexual meaning in it. There are anecdotes that I don't tell anymore because someone made sex jokes about these mundane little stories from my life, and now my own personal, utterly non-sexual experiences are overshadowed in my own mind by the way someone else sexualised my story. There are feelings and relationships I don't talk about because someone will assume they are sexual, somehow. Even my gender identity gets sexualised.

Almost everything I know about sex and sexual behaviour I have learned against my will, because the information is thrust upon me in the ordinary course of life. I do not need to seek it: I cannot avoid it. I am exposed to sexual content everywhere I go. An Internet search, a casual conversation with an allosexual friend, a shop window, an advertisement, a pop song playing in a shop, the disc jockey on someone else's radio, an online article about psychology or literature, graffiti, a magazine cover at the grocery check-out ...

And the crowning gut-punch of it all, for me, is the fact that even asexual-focussed blogs and stories revolve around sex. Fora and blogs by and/or for asexuals are packed with discussions of sex, sexuality, and related subjects (because just as discussions of vegetarianism frequently feature discussions of meat, so discussions of not experiencing sexual attraction invariably involve discussions of sex: not-doing something means discussing the thing you are not doing). I can't read the Aces Wild webcomic anymore because it is almost entirely about sex. I go to almost any Tumblr blog of a person whose bio proclaims they are asexual, and I am jumpscared, repeatedly, by sex jokes, sexual references, genitalia mentions, and so on. Even the tag suggestions on my own posts are peppered wantonly with sexual terms, half of which are opaque to me and yet I know they are sexual even with such minimal context, because of course they are: I long ago realised that if I don't understand the joke, it is probably sexual. No franchise or story is spared: the work of J. R. R. Tolkien, which is notably sexless, is not sex-free in the hands of its fans.

It is inescapable.

It is exhausting.

It is deeply distressing, depressing, and alienating.

Any time I see a person, real or fictional, say to their closest friend something like "I just wish I had someone to love, you know? Someone who really understands me", I want to do a murder. Bitch, your best friend is right there. You ungrateful cur. I'll slap you into next week.

Aroace cat in your honor 🐱🏳️‍🌈

"But romance is different from friendship! It's a completely different, more special feeling!"

Is it?

How much of that "difference" is actually just your own expectations regarding the relationship? How much of that "difference" is just the way you feel able to express your affection in certain ways that are not "allowed" or conventional in platonic friendships, such as by holding hands, cuddling, sleeping in the same bed, and other casual physical intimacies? How much of that "difference" is the joy you feel at being able to freely express love because you are expected to do so in romantic relationships but often feel you can't in platonic friendships? How much of that "difference" is about the way you feel you can plan a future with your romantic prospect but you can't with your friends? How much of that "difference" is pure excitement at finally obtaining something you have fantasised about? How much of that "difference" is your relief at achieving the kind of relationship that your culture has told you is essential, the meeting of a standard, the passing of a test, a verification of your value and desirability as a person? How much of that "difference" is your hope that now you will have companionship forever, you will never be lonely, someone will always want you and take care of you, and your entire life will be more secure because someone else will help you take care of it?

Are you in love with this person, or are you relieved? Is that rush of euphoria genuine love that you genuinely couldn't get anywhere else or with any other relationship, or is it heady relief and freedom and excitement?

Romantic relationships and friendships tend to pan out the same way: they either last or they don't. And yet romantic relationships are given a huge elevation in status because of ... feelings. People plan their futures around romantic partners but not around their friends, sacrifice their careers and lifestyles for their romantic partners but not for their friends, and may discard their friends for the sake of their romantic partners; even if they've known their friends for longer, have more in common with them, and are even, perhaps, closer to them. Because romance supposedly feels different from friendship, and this feeling is apparently powerful enough to leave friendship in its dust; an emotion worth abandoning all else to pursue.

Is romantic love really a completely different, more special feeling? Or is it a tantalising promise of relief from fear?

I'm not trying to tell anyone what they feel. I'm just challenging the ideas that there is a huge gulf between friendship and romance, and that romance feels completely different to friendship because it brings a huge rush of euphoria that friendship doesn't, and that that euphoric feeling is worth more than anything else, even when it doesn't last.

“You can’t headcanon that character as aro, they’ve canonically had romantic interest in someone!!!” Okay but you can ship a character who canonically has had NO romantic interest???

Kisses can be platonic!!!!!! Cuddles and handholding can be platonic!!!! Physical affection isn't inherently romantic!!!!! You get to decide what is/isn't romantic for you!!!!! And as always, consent is key!!!!!!!

Aros, which of these terms do you identify most with?

Aroace

Oriented aroace

Angled aroace

Aroallo / alloaro

Non-SAM aro

Neu aro / aro neu

Aromantic / aro

Aro-spec

Multiple of these equally

Results button

was considering adding adding an "other" button, and also considered changing aroace to just aro to not lump the two together, but idk what anons intent was so we're keeping their poll as is :) /nm

Someday a character needs to respond to "I jUst WAnt to sEe yoU hAppY!" with "Cool: give me ten million dollars."

Something that has always bothered me is when a show/movie says something like “I want you to find the person for you. Then you’ll understand how it feels to be truly happy.”

Every time it’s said i yell “wrong!” at the tv. Really, are you saying the only way i can find true peace in life is if i’m in a romantic relationship?

My parents never understand why i have such strong feelings about this but that’s not much of a surprise.

"Horrifying" really is the word. Do the above-quoted people not have friends? If you can't even smile in your friend's presence, ask how they are doing, or laugh at their jokes, why are you friends with them?

Y i k e s.

Things friends can't do according to allos!

(these are all things I have been told with 100% sincerity, and not stuff that I myself believe.)

Give each other meaningful gifts

Pay attention to the others likes and dislikes

Look at one another in a 'certain way' (???)

Match clothes or accessories

Hold hands for 'too long' (???)

Hug for 'too long' or hug 'too close' (???)

Cuddle because it's 'too intimate'

Not want to pull away during a hug or holding hands

Lean onto the other emotionally and physically

Smile in one another's presence

Laugh at each others jokes

Give genuine advice

Text each other 'good morning' 'good evening' 'good night' 'happy birthday' 'happy new years' 'merry Christmas' etc, etc

Ask how the others doing

I'll add more once I think of things I've forgotten

RESPECT ALL ASPEC IDENTITIES EVEN IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THEM

Get this message onto everyone’s dash rn

i love listening to obviously romantic music and just ignoring it. get platonic'd idiot