goingdeepisscary
Going Deep is Scary with Cari
Poems by Cari Rae
50 posts
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Invisible
The air I breathe is invisible
If I look with my own eyes
Yet it keeps me full, alive and good
And fills my boundless mind
The thoughts I think I cannot touch
If I try with my own hands
But they show you how to speak and act
While playing in the sand
The joy which fills my beating heart
Cannot come to an arrest
As I keep my self fixed in true North
And watch you try your best
The love which envelops my soul
Cannot be lost or taken away
For the sun, the moon, the wind, the sea
Are with me everyday
I find within me what’s without
And write an endless song
Attuned to those sounds I perceive
As I listen good and long
I radiate all that I am
And all that I may give
Whether it’s received will matter not
For it’s in the way you live
I’ll wrap you up, dear precious souls
In a river so wide and deep
And kiss your foreheads softly
Should you ever need to weep
I’ll fill your senses with wonder
While you dance, and run, and laugh
No, you are never left alone
As you wander on your path
So fear not as you step into
The ends and the unknowns
Although I am not seen or felt
Within you, I am sewn.
So that you may come and show me
All about what you have learned
And how you loved, and showed the world
That compassion makes it turn.
#poem#poems on tumblr#cari rae#poet#writer#love#compassion#your path#humanity#the journey within#poetry
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Seeds
Here, take my seeds and plant them
Where you feel they will best grow
For I could never seek to
Understand or truly know
The secrets of the soil
Or the beating of my heart
No, there’s no point to learning
For my self is set apart
From that which is within me
And of that which is without
I find myself lamenting
Over choices filled with doubt
I don’t know why I’m here
Or where I am supposed to be
Oh won’t you offer something?
Lead the way, and shelter me?
For all I know is suffering
And I want to run away
From that which forces growth
Or brings discomfort and decay
Oh, all of my attachments
Let me know just who I am
And when they leave me lonely
Fear comes hurling through the dam
But if you could just tell me
When to act and what to do
Surely I can find a way to just
Feel good here, through and through
Perhaps give me a handbook
To be happy and be just
I’m sure I’d never figure out alone
Just what I must
Without your help and orders
Coming high from up above
I’d be forever lost
Within this imitated love
For thinking and for feeling
For myself is really tough!
But being taught to listen and repeat -
easy enough
Who knows from where my ideas come
Or to where they surely go
All I know is I feel confident
Enough to say "I know"
And for that I’m truly grateful!
I am accepted by the herd
Of countless individuals
All culled by the good word
My seeds are planted firmly
In the agendas of the few
Who’ve cultivated personality so well
In every, single, cue
Without my even knowing
I took a backseat to my life
Allowing energy to drive me
Anywhere it likes
Oh, I’m so happy now that I don’t
Have to think or feel!
For I have condemnation, shame, and guilt
To take the wheel
The view is mighty pleasant
From so high up in my nest
In the dream-reality my ego built
So I could rest.
#poem#cari rae#poet#female poets#the matrix#psychology#conditioning#education#psyche#social conditioning#group think#poetry#writer#human mind
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Creation vs. Consumption
When you hold your hands in front of you
Do you want or do you give?
A pair for troves of treasures…
Or the voice by which you live?
For if you cannot say or speak
Or tell them what to do
An endless empty cup will fill
With globs of endless glue.
To keep you right where you are now
Consuming mindlessly
In bits of information sent to
Tell you who to be.
And so your plate will overfill
As body tries her best
To keep your fire burning
While she cleans up all your mess.
The tricks, the games, the stagnant air
You struggle just to breathe
While asking with your actions
To be riddled with disease.
Oh, addiction to momentary pleasures
Leaves an arrogant, unsated husk
Convinced it’s more important
To flail about and turn to dust.
Though your arms will start to tire
As consumption is exhausting!
The waste produced is vast, indeed -
Just how much is this costing?
Now giving comes with freedom
From expense and from within
The eyes will start to soften
As the heart will choose to win.
The fear from ever running out -
It seems to run away
Connected deeply to the well
Who blesses every day.
The water seems to spill right out
You’re content to let it flow
And touch the hands of anyone
Who might be feeling low.
The hands that give want to raise up
And dance, and sing, and laugh
For there’s no need to fear
While simply walking on a path.
What’s needed has always been there
With breaths as long and deep
To make whatever you dream up
Your goals can well be reached!
Make for the sake of making
And give for the sake of giving
No need to take more than enough
Yes, this is truly living!
When you hold your hands in front of you
What is it that you see?
Emptiness or magic…
Longing just to be released?
#poem#cari rae#poetry#writer#being human#life#blessing#creation#consumption#consumer culture#consumerism#internet#information#data#poet#philosophy
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Ego
The ego wants and wants and wants
It’s never had enough,
For if you saw the truth of it
You’d give that all right up!
A concentrated practice
Just for sake of peace of mind?
Your faithful friend will make quite sure
You cannot find the time.
For lack of wanting is the cure
To rid of all your pain.
The joy and sorrow of this world
Well, it’s a silly game.
But quite a fun one nonetheless!
And so the ego aims,
To pull and pull and pull and pull
You back to the charade.
Why look at all the colors!
And the masks and moving parts!
The picture reel of captured frames -
An endless movie starts.
And over and again you feel
You cannot break away.
The thought of being cast aside -
They dare forget your name!
For ego reigns supreme
In all of modern culture’s tricks,
But deeper down the emptiness
Can never find true bliss.
The boundless love which rests within
Won’t ever wither - still,
With each persona you will find
You’ll never feel fulfilled.
So give it up, dear fellow souls!
I beg you - find the strength!
And sit with yourself long enough
To open up the gate.
The ego can become a tool
For which you utilize,
The deeper power sleeping in your
Perfect human eyes.
To free humanity of all his
Senseless, wanton ways
And shed a light on all the doubt,
Confusion, guilt, and shame.
Oh come, brave souls
And light the candle of your beating heart!
The source of timeless, formless love
From which you are a part!
Waiver not for ego
Or for anybody else -
For you have come to save the world,
Now come and save yourself.
#ego#truth#walk the walk#divinity#poem#self love#self sabotage#poetry blog#poetry#cari rae#poet#writer#movie#life
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Too Much Love
Seems I have all this love to give
I feel, perhaps, I’m overfilled
But what am I to do with it?
When it is only me?
I know I am in everything
I hear the bells and voices sing
But when I look back in the mirror
My face is all there is.
My heart it drowns in all this pain
With every little flickered flame
I send it out to burn again,
Then shroud myself in rain.
And just like this I play this game
I don’t know why, I feel ashamed
A silly girl who’s waiting for some prince
To go and call her name.
To rescue me, to rescue him
So we can find another whim
To ride along, until the pressure
Breaks upon the wave.
I’ve read this book so many times
Convinced I’m there, within the lines
Of print and words and stories told
I love it so, yet it grows old.
I know the ending and the start
So little room for me to bloom
But when I close it up
I think, “I’m gone. I never was.”
I know soon I’ll open it anew
And say, “This time I’ve thought it through!”
Then let myself go home to
The blank spaces in the page.
‘Cause that’s where I can write me in
And be the story I want to live
A mother, a lover, a sister, a friend
I’ll keep on writing without end.
A book which no one’s ever read,
But one they’ll want to read again!
Because of all the twists and turns -
A love that makes their fire burn!
Reminding them that they can, too,
grab hold of their own pen -
Just let that love all pour right out
Believe in oneself, have no doubt!
I’ll walk tall and show the world
A version of who they can choose to be!
Because I’m all there ever was
The writer, the seeker, the finder, the story
It’s my birthright to live this glory
And be your inspiration.
Dear child, I love you more than anyone could
I’ll wrap you up in all that’s good
And pure, and whole, and light, and warm
I’ll help you weather any storm.
I’ll be the lighthouse at your shore
And then one day you’ll want no more
Because you’ll know you’ve had it all
Along, right here within this song.
A beating heart which you once chose
Because its rhythm saved your soul
You swore you’d always hold it close
And love was all you’d ever show.
Oh, now my love, the time has come
For you to beat your silent drum
And rest assured that you will hear
The sound of love in tiny ears.
And in all of this mind’s creation
The love, the faith, the joy, the patience
With no desire to escape
Just faith in divinity…
Just love in connection…
Just joy in perception…
Just patience in growth.
#love#patience#true love#poem#poetry blog#poet#cari rae#writer#seer#light#self love#self care#self healing#self portrait#psychology#relationship#know thyself
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The Day I Said Goodbye in Japanese
I have to let that love for you go
Because you asked me to do so
Now who I really am in here
Will make the clouds all disappear
I’ll let them all just float away
While I watch, and sit, and stay
And let myself feel warm and full
So they can start to lose their pull
On decisions about who I am
And where the lines are in the sand
Of my being this go around
To stand upon a higher ground.
Not lose myself within the dream
Or get caught atop the stream
To sink deep down unto the bed
Where my divinity is wed
To who I am, and who I was
And better still, who I’ll become
All are one and all the same
Who find themselves within the frame
Of time and space and shooting stars
Of eternal peace and eternal war
Reclaiming myself over and again
To this moment, to this end
I’ll love myself with all I’ve got
And figure out what I have sought
In all these girlish fantasies
And hold myself up to believe
That all is never lost or broken
That all the fleeting, wanting notions
Are just a soup that one can drink
If all one likes to do is think
Instead of feeling “I am home”
And knowing I don’t have to go
This place that lives inside of me
Is always saying “You are free”
So now it is my time to listen
To this name which I’ve been given
See what she has yet to tell
And drink forever from the well.
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I Love You
How do I tell you I love you?
When words are just never enough?
The things I could say -
they couldn't portray
this sensation divined from above.
It shoots through me like morning sun
As it colors the sides of the walls.
I open my eye,
and it starts to rise
while I'm baring my soul to the fall.
How can I witness such beauty?
When all that I’ve done is exist?
It was written in stars -
we flew out to Mars
when deciding to turn deep within.
Everything in here is magic
Of that I am certainly sure.
I transmute the light -
go into the night,
and you're sitting in front of the door.
Sometimes when I call you can hear me
And I feel your heart beating in time.
But quiet I stay -
words get in the way...
Truly, I never thought they were mine.
Once I ran, and I ran, and I ran
Just to get to a comfortable seat.
And all out of breath -
I set with the mess,
and began to unravel a dream.
Everything comes back to conception
The mirrors are one and the same.
And would you believe -
you’re staring at me,
giving birth to the sound of his name?
Now reverberations bring comfort
As I sit within my violet egg.
And sensing your voice,
I don’t have a choice
but to smile while watching the play.
No expression could even come close
It’s amazing - this beautiful gift!
I’m pinching myself
and laugh at the wealth
I’ve been given to experience.
You wouldn’t believe if I told you
What awaits us on the other side.
Or even today -
if we would just pay
more attention to being alive.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
That’s all I can think of to say?
Well it’s all I’ve got,
but I’ll tell you what -
without words I would blow you away.
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Reflections
Mirror, mirror
In my mind
That which I seek
I too, shall find
This little paper
Tinsel town
Of my mind’s eye
Will surely drown
In all the wanton thoughts
I think
When I’m awake
I’m still asleep
The things all there
In their right place
The crooked smile
Of spoiled taste
Yes, the painter hides
His masterpiece
In train cars full
Of broken dreams
Just like that one
And then the next
Until we come
To our arrest
Left without the choice
He will
Allow the thoughts
To overfill
And color all the world
Around
Until reality
Is bound
To a single experience
A breath,
A drop,
A gust of wind -
A tiny grain of sand.
A flame -
A name, you speak
In tongue...
And hold within your hand.
A gift from those
Who came before
Yes, they all know
You to your core
You cannot run
Quite fast enough
To catch up to
The endless love
That’s knit and bound
Within your heart
So you could hear
Right from the start
The story that won’t
Ever end
That’s locked up deep
Inside your head
Behind the thoughts
And broken dreams
You struggle
So that you are seen
And known
To all who speak your name!
Immortal souls
Who play the game
Risk, reward -
It’s all the same
No definition
And no aim
So easy come
And easy go!
Will easiness
help save your soul?
If you could just
Remember why
You’re here to live
Before you die
The mirrors all
Who look to you
Might start to break away...
Until the face
That’s staring back
Is unified
in its attack
On who you are
And what you see...
A crystal clear
Version of “me”
Separated from itself
No longer
using someone else
To fill in lines
Arranging things
No, simply letting
It all be.
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Wishing Well
Once I threw my last coin into a wishing well
And I heard the metal call back to me
So I cried, and I cried, and I cried
Hoping my tears might fill up the well so that my wishes could all come true
I sat there
Under a new moon
And completely emptied myself
I wondered if I would always feel afraid
If I would always feel weak
If I would ever stop feeling hungry.
But then the sun came out and dried up all the tears I worked so hard to cry
And I knew it was hopeless
As I lied there in sorrow and let the sun wash over me,
I felt the light shine through me
I thought I had disappeared!
So I reached my hand out in front of me
And all could see was love
Blinding me
Under a morning sun -
I realized I was never there
That I was the well I was searching for
Always full of water and granting wishes.
All I could hear was the song of my heart
And the children laughing and playing
And the people praying and whispering…
All I could do was sing it out loud!
To whomever would care to listen
In hopes that they too could feel
The warmth of the sun, the blow of the wind, the love of the mountain, and the blessing of the river.
In hopes that they too could learn to stop throwing their coins in empty wishing wells.
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Love Me
Love me, love me
Say that you do
For if you tell me
I’ll know that it’s true
Where am I in this?
And where do I end?
The tip of your tongue
Where stories begin
Hold up the picture
Within your mind’s eye
So I can stay warm
Yes, I’ll never die
I need your acceptance
And I need your touch
More and more, give me!
It’s Never enough
Just make me believe
That I’m all there is
That I’m all there is
I’m all there is
There is...
Am. I?
What is this feeling?
It doesn’t give up
Fighting for air
Fighting for love
But my heart is empty
No longer in pain
Because I can run
I win the game
I can’t stop playing
And where will I go?
If I’m not within you
I’ll never know
I cannot see
I have no eyes
So hold me tighter
Never let go!
Never let go!
Let go!
Let...
Me. Go?
Which one is which?
Time will tell
Bury my head
Deep in the well
Of wanting. Of needing.
Of being enough?
Feelings are fleeting
And being in love
No meaning. It’s space
Just filled with the sun
So I won’t be empty
Let’s have some fun
This life comes quickly
And leaves just as soon
Don’t want to waste it
I stare at the moon
Give me the answers!
You heathens! You must!
Come to my rescue!
And promise me thus
To care for me dearly
And leave me to die
For when I see clearly
I just want to stay open
I want to stay open
Stay open
Stay...
Want. Me?
Here is the beauty
Here is my essence
Swallow me wholly
I’ll teach you a lesson
And we’ll learn together
Just looking intensely
Into the darkness
Into the light
Into our eyes
Into my heart
Into my heart
My heart -
Heart. Am. I... Love?
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Manipulation Equation
Chaos and
Confusion
A new reality
A puppet show
Isolation and
Separation
I have the answers
Didn’t you know?
Weakness and
Illness
You’re dirty -
All rotten!
Anxious and
Fearful
Obviously,
You’ve forgotten
Narrow and
Fixated
In the palm
Of a hand
Distracted and
Desensitized
To the being
Of man
Poor and
Poorer
A great fall
A tough gig
Health and
Wellbeing
This problem
Too big
Powerless and
Desperate
Drinking cupfuls
Eating mouthfuls
Crawling and
Fumbling
Around darkness
With new rules
Seeking and
Searching
For hope
From above
Naive and
Unaware
That it comes
Only from love
Manipulation and
Control
Seek to destroy
Seek to hide
Truth and
Light
Always there -
Look inside.
Harmony and
Balance
Within us
Without us
Kicking and
Screaming
Will only slow
The process
Enemies and
Friends
Are one
And the same
United and
Evolving
Forever playing
A marvelous game.
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Knowing
I want to live forever in the sweetness
Of a heart as full as the moon
As radiant and shining as the sun -
The heart which embraces the infant
The wounded, the sick, the helpless
With every bit of confidence and comfort
Knowing all is one.
I want to drink forever from the river
Of blood as nourishing as the soil
As free flowing and graceful as the wind
The blood which gives life effortlessly
To all who worship its holy temple
With every action devoted to its law
Knowing all is within.
I want to be touched forever by the light
Of truth as clear as the crystal
As brilliant and illuminating as the rainbow
The truth which doesn’t use words
To dispel, to bestow, to entrust
With every spec of this divine information
Knowing all is known.
I want to listen forever from the sea
Of vibration as powerful as an earthquake
As intense and bellowing as roaring thunder
The vibration which speaks all into being
A mountain, an oak, a grain of sand
With every stroke bringing more righteousness
Knowing all is wonder.
I want to delight forever in the scent
Of nature as intoxicating as the flower field
As magnetic and captivating as the lily
The nature which plays the eternal dance -
The orchestra, the crowd, the masterpiece
With every curiosity and insight unfolding
Knowing all is possibility.
I want to watch forever from the spaceship
Of a love as bright as the night sky
As breathtaking and beautiful as a woman
The love which shows us all the way
Of living, of being, of ceaselessly creating
With every motion of purpose and meaning
Knowing all is lumen.
Yes, I want to live forever in the sweetness
Of my heart as full as the moon
As radiant and shining as the sun -
My heart which embraces the infant
The wounded, the sick, the helpless
With every bit of confidence and comfort
Knowing I am one.
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Against The Self
Where does all the pain go?
I wonder if it ever leaves the vessel
Which ceaselessly houses and feeds it
Allowing it to act out
In vain and vengeance
Nurturing and coveting it
Like a precious stone
Which could be used
In a war
Against the Self
At any moment
Should an opportunity arise.
And where does all the fear go?
I wonder if the well will ever run empty
Which creates dramas and scenarios
Allowing it to run amok
In panic and disorder
Feeding off and worshiping it
Like some messiah
Which would deliver us
In a war
Against the Self
At any moment
Should an opportunity arise.
Where does all the joy go?
I wonder if anybody can hear them
Who sing in our ears and raise us up
Allowing us to feel beyond
In love and wonder
Supporting and encouraging us
Like children of an inheritance
Who could reclaim Heaven
In a war
Against the Self
At any moment
Should an opportunity arise.
And where does all the courage go?
I wonder if anybody can see themselves
Who stare in the mirror back at them
Allowing the soul to be visceral
In intensity and presence
Conjuring and inspiring the work
Like a spirit guide
Who rallies his allies
In a war
Against the Self
At any moment
Should an opportunity arise.
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One
I want to share this thing I see
with anyone who wants to be
another version of the person
they’ve been sold they’re
to believe
they are,
they were,
they will become
when it all feels a little numb
and little voices in their head
start queuing up another drum.
You'll know the feeling very well
because the signs & symptoms tell
you that what you have learned
does not hold up
to satisfy
your wants,
your needs,
the endless void
that sits so deep within your heart
it causes pain you can’t explain
away when you pull it apart.
The missing piece is never lost
but searching high and low will cost
some precious time and energy
that could perhaps be better spent
to love
your self,
your health,
the opportunity
to take responsibility
for being human - being here
and now with this ability.
Its implicit beauty (and yours too)
is what I want to share with you
so that you can begin to see
what seems to be important
when you focus your
attention,
energy,
and efforts
into the soup of consciousness
that makes this matrix dance & sing
eternal songs of endless bliss.
But you don’t have to look so far
inside to find that you’re a star
quite literally and burning ultra-light
waves full of endless love’s
deafening vibration -
the sound,
the sense,
the notion that
it’s always been there waiting
for your eyes to close, so your eye could open
and show you how god is creating.
I want to watch the stage play
out with every bit of every day
with you, with our eyes shut so
we can see how absolutely
magnificent
it is,
it was,
it will become
as it unfolds under the sun
and moon and feel the gratitude
that flows forever in the one.
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What Makes A Man
The kind of man
Who comes to me
Won’t be on the back of a horse
A true king delights in nature
But wishes not to possess it
To destroy it
To attach to it.
The kind of man
Who sings to me
Won’t use words he doesn’t understand
A true artist delights in discovery
Uses creation itself to create
To walk the path
To inspire.
The kind of man
Who touches me
Won’t do so without his entire being
A true lover delights in connection
Without fear or hesitation
To direct himself
To return to himself.
The kind of man
Who shares with me
Won’t covet any of our possessions
A true wiseman knows impermanence
Rejoices in his relationship
To everything
To nothing.
The kind of man
Who supports me
Won’t be threatened by my divinity
True power delights in infinite power
Marvels at its original beauty
To be close to it
To kindle it.
The kind of man
Who protects me
Won’t stand in the way of my own strength
True valor delights in growth and freedom
Nurtures it with great care
To remind himself
To have faith.
The kind of man
Who prays for me
Won’t ask for anything but my beingness to shine
True love delights in authenticity
Is not bothered by its jagged lines
To watch it unveil
To keep an open heart.
The kind of man
Who seeks me
Won’t be bothered by the work
True mirrors delight in clarity
Appreciate the calmness of still water
To share a life
To tend to seeds.
The kind of man
Who loves me
Won’t just see me through himself
True partners delight in being individuals
Choose to compliment one another
To live their truth
To reach their goal.
This kind of man
He doesn’t search
He knows I’m there
Within his heart
Coming to bloom
With perfect timing
Great care to detail
And every quality
Reflected in him
Will be so in me.
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Storytelling = Selling
Sell me something
I want to buy
You know that look
Where can I get high?
The quiet is maddening
I need pretty lights
To keep me enchanted
All through the dark night
So tell me your story
Appeal to my heart
A doe-eyed consumer
To be torn apart
The tune of emotion
To drown out the sound
Come take a seat
And you will be found!
The lost little souls
All looking for safety
We’ll have them walk tall
While eating insecurity
The show must go on
We pivot with you
So tell me your story!
And how do you do?
The headlines are written
We know what you need
A cold-hard confession
A new beauty queen
Nothing is secret
No, nothing is sacred
Only bought and sold
For printing more paper
So tell me your story!
We never run out
A brand-new identity
There’s never a doubt
What is it you’re thinking?
We’ll give you a clue
With pictures and words
And videos too!
You’ll never be guessing
About how you feel
We’ve got you covered
A spin of the wheel
And all of the music
Will reach to your soul
So tell me your story -
Relinquish control!
A story to write
A story to read
A story to sell
Whatever you need.
#buyandsell#poetry#poems on tumblr#carirae#psyche#speak to me#advertising#insidious#identity#culture#tell me#sell me this pen#black and white
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Him
Oh, my darling morning sun
You smile upon my face
I feel you wanting to say more
My toes look for your grace
I know I didn’t have an ear
The days or two before
But now I’m lying wide awake
And wanting for your lore
Oh, my darling morning sun
So benevolent and consuming
How your breath it frightens me
Setting things for blooming
But the line between love and fear
Is so narrow when you’re near
And the same when you’re afar
My beloved life giving star,
fixed in my imagination.
Oh, my darling morning sun
When you whisper all your secrets
I feel my skin begin to dance
My mind is locked within your trance
Here nothing can harm me
And we laugh together
Knowing we will meet again,
And again.
Oh, my darling morning sun
I know you’ll have to go
The afternoon will beckon you
From hanging here so low
And when you climb your highest
I will watch your greatest work
Safely wrapped in dancing leaves
But in rest I stay alert.
#poetry#poetry blog#carirae#goingdeep#male#sun#cycle#nature#alchemy#psyche#storytelling#nothing is permanent#dormant#light
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