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exoticabl4 · 10 days

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How to get over a guy ?

Now this might seem almost impossible, especially if you two have been in a quite long relationship. While it might be easier if he was just a talking stage, it's still difficult to get over someone we've been attached to, so here are some tips to help you forget about them.

1. Out of sight, out of mind.

Ever notice that you completely forget about your school/class/hallway crush during summer holidays ? That is mostly because there's nothing to remind you of them. We are going to do the exact same thing. Unfollow them from all social media, delete their pictures so you don't see them when scrolling through your gallery, delete the conversation, tell your friends to stop talking about them. If you don't feel completely ready to do that, you can take things more slowly. For example, instead of unfollowing/blocking them, you could just hide their stories, or instead of deleting the pictures, put them in your "my eyes only". Remember, the goal is to not see them. If you two are in the same class, or you just have the same friend group, it'll be harder. What I advise you to do is to try not to look at them. Like not even a single glance. Everytime you think about looking at them, stop, and think to yourself what that would mean. Because you abandoning yourself to the temptation is a proof of a lack of self-love and self-worth, a proof that they still have some control over you. And that is, of course, not what you want.

2. Keep yourself busy.

We are going to use reverse psychology here. So you have to understand that seduction first starts with slowly sneaking into someone's mind, and make them think of you. Our goal here is to do the opposite, so to get them out of your mind.

The main reason why we find ourselves thinking so much about someone or spending a lot of time stalking them, is because we don't have anything else to do. So keep yourself (especially your mind) busy. Read, cook, study, workout, watch a movie, anything that will occupy your mind and attention enough for you not to think about them. Now of course, it's impossible to keep doing this the whole day.

What I used to do when having a hard time forgetting about someone, is that I slowly close my eyes, take a deep breath, and imagine myself standing in front them, and telling them they have no control over me, that I am the master of my mind, and that, therefore, no one can get in unless I let them in.

It's kind of a reminder that it is not impossible to stop thinking about them, and it helps me acknowledge my thoughts.

If you're simply having fake scenarios, instead of imagining them with that specific person, imagine yourself with a guy who's your exact desired type, a celebrity, or whoever it might be, as long as their face does not get in your brain.

3. Understand your feelings.

Sorry to break it up to you, but most of the time, you're just romanticizing your feelings. Just think about your feelings for once, do you really love them ?

If he's an ex-boyfriend or ex-talking stage, you probably are just obsessed. And there's a huge difference between obsession and love. Maybe you're obsessed with the attention they used to give you and now you miss it, but you don't miss them. Maybe you cherish the memories, but you don't cherish them. Maybe you love an over-romanticized version of them that you made in your mind, but again, you don't love them.

Understanding that it is not love that you feel will make it wayyy easier for you to forget about them, trust me, you just have to be brave enough to think through it, even when you're used to telling yourself you're in love.

4. Forget about the looks.

Really, forget about how gorgeous he is, or how masculine his body looks, if there was no physical attraction, would you be friends with him ? If a very dear friend to yours, someone to whom you're very close, came up to you and told you about him and what he did, as if they were the one living that, would you tell them to stay ? Get in a neutral point of view, the point of view of a watcher instead of a player, try not to let your feelings blur the reality. Are they really that incredible ? Did they really treat you that well ? Or did you just treat yourself very well in your imagination through him ?

5. Understand that you weren't special.

I'm not talking about the people who have been in long committed relationships. I'm talking about the ones who have been in a relationship with boys, especially high-schoolers and college guys. Girl, trust me, these guys don't see any girl as special. For them, you were just another talking stage/girlfriend. They don't miss you, they don't love you, understand it. The attention they used to give you isn't even that special, because they probably give it to so many other girls. If a guy truly loves you and appreciates you, trust me, my love, they will give you the whole world. Boys know how to be men, the shift in their behavior will appear when they're with the right girl. If nothing has changed, take a hint, and change yourself.

Hope this post helped. Bye, my loves. 🦢

#love #how to get over a guy #relationship #ex #bf #self healing #self improvement #self growth #self esteem #self worth #breaking up

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exoticabl4 · 18 days

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How to actually stick to your habits ?

Hello, my loves. This post will be, as you've read it in the title, about how to stay committed to your habits. So without further ado, let's start.

1. Don't start off too strong.

You've got to know that your brain always wants your safety and your comfort. Your old habits provided you with both of these, even if they were unhealthy, and even if the pleasure was very short and temporary. Therefore, it is very normal that your brain will keep dwelling in your old habits and routines. So never start off too strong, otherwise it'll be very hard for you to stay committed. What I recommend doing, is to identify 8 habits that will highly benefit you, and get you closer to your goals. Instead of adding those 8 habits to your day all at once since day one, you're going to add 2 habits a week. Focus on progress, rather than perfection. At the end of your first month, you'll find yourself with 8 new habits. Give yourself the time to get used to each habit, so about a week or more (depending on how hard the habit is).

And before you come to me, I know that the average duration to implement a habit in your life is 21 days, but the goal here is not to be used to it at a 100%, the goal is to lessen the unfamiliarity, so that the brain can stop dwelling in the old habits.

2. Focus on the end-goal.

Sometimes, we tend to focus on how hard the task/habit is, rather than the end-goal that will result from the consistency of the habit. Therefore, try to remind yourself of the end-goal. My experience with this has been IMMACULATE. To focus on the end-goal, I make Pinterest boards. Personally, studying and reviewing for exams is something that I absolutely dread, so in order to get myself to enjoy it or make it more bearable, i made a Pinterest board with the lifestyle i wanna have in my early 20s. So it contains pics of my dream uni, the country i wanna be living in, the life i wanna be leading. Whenever i feel too lazy or demotivated to study or review stuff, i go back to my Pinterest board to remind myself of my end-goal. And when I tell you that each time i do this, i get the best grade of my class, and when i really put my mind into it, i get the best grade of my whole promotion.

3. Realize how simple your task is with this technique.

Many times, we don't see the habit for what it is, but rather for some kind of absolutely dreadful and unbearable task that's impossible to achieve. So what I do to simplify it, is that i write down in my notes what my most productive day would look like, and compared to the tasks that I set to myself, i start to view that as some really simple stuff. To give you an idea of how it works, I'll do what i do best : give an example.

I wanna learn Spanish, last year i was very consistent with it, but the last few months, I really procrastinated and got lazier, like, even spending my daily 15 minutes of Duolingo seemed like a torture, so i decided to use this technique. I wrote down what my ideal spanish learning session was, and it kind of looked like this :

45 minutes of Duolingo

Learning 3 new pages of vocabulary from my notebook

Using each newly learned word in a sentence

Do a conjugation lesson/ learn the conjugation of an irregular verb

Listen to a short story in Spanish, and write down new and unfamiliar vocabulary

Next to this routine, 15 minutes on Duolingo looked very simple and easy, even too little, and now it is wayy easier for me to stick to habits.

4. Always have an alternative.

You got me there, we all have our bad days, low-energy days, and it is very hard, if not impossible, to get anything done on these days. That's why you should give each of your habits an alternative. Let's say you wanted to workout an hour a day, but you came back home absolutely exhausted. Instead of the intense 1 hour workout, have a less intense and easier alternative for it, or maybe a shorter one, or you could go for a walk instead, after all, the end goal is to move your body, you do you, you know what works best for you.

That was all for today's post, hope it helped. Bye, my loves 💗

#self healing #affirm #self concept #summer #glowingskin #glow up #confidence #dream life #wonyoung #affirmations #habits #glowing up #tips #advice #program #self love

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exoticabl4 · 20 days

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Where to start ?

Such a basic question and yet so many answers. At the beginning of your journey, you'll find yourself with a whole lot of motivation, goals and dreams, so you may feel kinda lost as to where you're supposed to start.

1. Know what you want.

It may sound kind of cliche, and stupid, but really, what do you want ? Yes you wanna be successful, but doesn't everyone want the same thing ? Be precise and give the details. What does success mean to you ? How does the highest version of you look like ? What's her self-concept like ? How does she dress ? Is she more classy or street wear ? Mysterious or a ray of sunshine ? Avoid following the trends. For example, lately the "dark feminine aesthetic" has been taking over tiktok and pinterest, and no matter how cool it might seem, it might not be your cup of tea at the end of the day. Do not to strive to become someone you won't enjoy being. Don't try to be liked by everyone or try to be the heart of the parties when you genuinely enjoy being alone more and have very few friends and acquaintances. And don't try to be "mysterious and dark" when you're actually someone who laughs a lot and who's socially attractive. You can also make pinterest boards with specific facial features you want, with the body type you want, the vibe you want in general. Or, you can keep a journal and divide your life into different aspects (physical attractiveness, intelligence, mindset...), and go into details in each aspect.

2. Create a base routine.

What's a base routine ? That's basically a simple, yet achievable and productive routine you're going to follow, and prioritize over any habit you want to add to your life. So for example, I don't have much time in the morning, so my base routine mainly focuses on after school (your base routine could be about all day, you do you), and it looks like this :

45 min of maths

1 hour of other school work

15 minutes on Duolingo

Learning one new page of spanish vocabulary

Listening to my beauty subliminal playlist 2x

Listening to my specific feature subliminal playlist 3x

Brush my teeths

Affirm and meditate

Go to sleep

As you can see, my base routine is literally SO simple. Every two months, i may add more stuff to my base routine. The goal is to prioritize this routine over any other new habit you wanna add. For example, let's say i wanna start working out every day for 1 hour, and the first day i started, i found myself with no time to work out, which is normal, since I'm still discovering about what works and what doesn't for me, but I'm not going to ruin my base routine or not do one of the habits in it, just for the sake of a newly formed one.

3. Create an alter-ego.

Really basic, but you're going to create a sort of character in your mind, give it a name (mine's name is Abla 😉). This alter-ego is everything you wanna be, so everything you wrote about in step 1, and you're going to start acting like her. Everytime you're feeling lazy, or confused, ask yourself "What would she do ?" (she being your alter-ego). Slowly, you're going to morph into her, and don't hesitate to go for it and exaggerate.

4. Find out about what you're supposed to do.

Divide your life into aspects. I personally, have divided mine into 6 aspects :

Physical attractiveness (face, body, hair, voice, scent, style)

Intellectual development (knowledge (psychology, body language, science...), language learning, chess)

Mindset (confidence, self-love, self-concept, self-worth, discipline)

Skills (cooking, endurance, baking....)

Spiritual life (religion, meditation, mindfulness, healing)

Personal achievements (writing a book, best at my promotion, become president of a club)

That's how i divided my life, now take the time to divide yours, and identify what habits you're supposed to follow in order to improve in each aspect. For example, to improve your appearance, you may have to start a skincare routine, so that's one of the habits.

5. Declutter your space.

Your phone, your room, your desk, your locker, your wardrobe everything. Change your phone theme, block people, delete unnecessary pics and screenshots, donate clothe you don't need, clean your locker. Have a rebirth in a clean and organized space.

So that's it for this post, hope it was helpful, bye my loves.

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