canenotabeltofunction
Cane Not Abel To Function
Hi my name is Cane which is short for another biblical name so I thought this username was funny. I have no niche, I collect posts like a crow
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Not to sound like a pretentious hipster but art is not meant to appeal to everyone. Making art purely to appeal to as many people as possible defeats the purpose of creating in the first place. And so much of this has to do with consumerism and a lack of connection to other people.
Because of consumerism art has become something that needs to be as easy to consume by as many people as possible. Books are often heavily filled with tropes and caricatures of characters (ie: enemies to lovers, brooding male lead, sunshine female lead, etc). Songs and poems can’t have personal touches to them- it has to be as vague as possible so as many people can want to hear it. People are forced to make what the masses want rather than things that portray some kind of message. The intention behind the art becomes meaningless and overshadowed by the need for it to be profitable. And most of this is not the fault of the artist but more so in the need to survive in a capitalist hellscape.
The real reason for creating art gets lost. And with it so many people seem to have lost their ability to consume art properly. If it hasn’t been watered down or requires us to think about what it means to us or it doesn’t immediately make us happy then it’s labeled as “bad”.
I would rather listen to a song about a man singing about the ginger with a butterfly tattoo that broke his heart in college than someone sing about some outline of a girl and saying the things that they think will make me relate the most. Because one of those has real pain, real pain from a real person. Just because I was not heartbroken by a ginger woman with a butterfly tattoo I have been heartbroken and I am going to connect more deeply to this guys pain because it’s REAL it comes from a REAL place.
Unfortunately I feel like at least with what I see online, many people have forgotten how to do that. We want to consume it as quickly and mindlessly as possible- we don’t WANT to think about what something means.
And people forget that art isn’t always supposed to make you feel good. Sometimes it’s supposed to disturb you, sometimes it’s supposed to piss you off. Obviously there are times that I want to just watch a fun little movie and not think about the deeper meaning. But just because a movie disturbed me or because I don’t agree with the message of something doesn’t mean it was bad.
Even creating art for the purpose of making things people will like has some depth when you are doing it out of love and the desire to spread happiness or comfort or to make people smile. But often that even gets overshadowed by the need to make things as quickly as possible and removes that emotional aspect.
But overall this is your reminder that your art is meant to be personal. Because making art that is genuine may not connect to as many people but for the people it does it will be in a deeper way.
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Do any other chronically ill people know the terror of having a medication that you have to take with food and you go and take it and realize you did not eat before.
And you just have to sit there and accept that you will be vomiting or violently nauseous for the next however many hours?
Or am I just dumb?
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“Your music is so loud! How do you hear yourself think!?”
I don’t, that’s the point
Hope this helps!
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This Too Shall Pass
A poem that I hope helps others
I have cried myself to sleep over people
Clutching my chest and weeping
Sure that the pain was going to swallow me whole
But now the pain is nothing more than a rock in my shoe
Occasionally poking me but easily dumped out and forgotten
Kicked away indifferently
I have looked into the eyes of people and saw forever
I planned our futures
And now I couldn’t tell you what color their eyes even were
People I once loved
Once cried over
Names that made my chest ache and dropped my stomach
They now just invoke a short
“Oh yeah, I wonder what they’re up to now.”
And then I go on with my day
Becoming nothing but a passing thought
I’ve had arguments with friends where I was sure our words severed our paths
Where I was filled with rage
Telling myself we’d never speak again
Now they sit across from me at lunch
Laughing at some story I’m telling
We couldn’t tell you what that fight was about
I’ve sat on my couch at 2 am
A bottle of pills in one hand and whiskey in the other
Sure that that night would be my last
I went back to work 2 weeks later
With cookies for my managers for being so understanding
So now as I sit here writing
My heart heavy with grief
Devastated over someone who didn’t want me
I remind myself of the people who came before
How I cried over them too
How I felt the same burning in my chest and pit in my stomach
And how their memories faded
The girl I loved with such intensity
I don’t even know if she still lives in this state
I don’t know if she went to college
The boy who I loved
That never loved me
That I let use me just to say I had some of him
His face is that of a stranger
My first boyfriend
My first time
His phone number that I knew my heart
I couldn’t even tell you how it started
I know that this will be the same
I know that one day the butterflies will stop
The sound of his voice will be just another person in the choir
And I’ll be fine again
Just as I know I will find someone who does stay
Because of the girl who has a matching tattoo to mine
Who held me while I cried at 17 over my first boyfriend
Who drove 2 hours to get to me when I was on the couch with pills that night
Because of the boy who drives us around in his car at night
And let’s me tell him all the pains of being me
And he does the same right back
Because of the person I met 3 years ago
They come to my family holidays
They’re my emergency contact at the hospital
I know that his name will become nothing but a passing thought
Just as those before him
And I know he will be replaced by another who does want me
Just like the people I have now
Surely I will be broken again
Just as I have before
And surely I will be okay again
Just as I have before
#my poems#my poem#sad poem#love poem#poem#original poem#poems on tumblr#poetry#poets on tumblr#poetic#writing#writers on tumblr#writeblr
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Cardiologist: “You just need to reduce your stress”
My man
I have been stressed since I was 5
I have a permanent Ativan prescription
I am diagnosed with CPTSD and GAD
My permanent emotional state is that of a rabbit being shaken in a shoe box
But yes I’ll just “calm down”
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Sometimes my ADHD makes me feel like a glitchy sim.
Brain: “You need to pee.”
Me: “No, I’m going to finish these tasks first.”
Brain: *Rapidly trying to clear tasks* “Please go to the bathroom you’re going to explode”
Me: *Continuing said tasks and ignoring the need to pee*
*45 minutes later*
Me: “Oh shit yeah I needed to pee and now I’m in physical pain because I need to pee so badly.”
Brain: *screaming*
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A list of my more bizarre recent google searches and why I searched them.
“Bronze Bull Torture” - It is one of my most irrational fears to be cooked alive in a bronze bull and I wanted to know where it originated.
“How to hollow out a piece of wood” - I have a cane with a sword in it but it’s all fucked up and wanted to put the sword in a new cane.
“Are penguins light meat or dark meat?” - A valid question, they are apparently considered dark meat
“Horses growing mustaches” - I saw something saying horses could grow mustaches and I wanted to fact check, yes they can
“Cliodhna” - She’s a Celtic goddess of the Banshees
“How to learn old Norse” - I want to learn just to say I know how, it’s the same reason I want to learn enochian and Latin
“Spinch” - Spinch
“Nutcracker Syndrome” - I heard someone talk about it and I wanted to know what it was.
“Stun Batons” - I can’t shoot a gun but I can hit people with sticks
“Define Oroface” - I know what an oroface is I just wanted to understand the exact definition
“How much moose cost?” - Yes I wrote it like that- the answer is around 3000-5000$
“Button Quail” - Tiny bird
“Pets of Vladimir Putin” - I could have SWORN I read something saying he had a pet bear named Buffy and I swear I’m not crazy but now I can’t find it and it says it’s fake but there was all this information I swear
I will probably add more
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I am THIS CLOSE to just getting an airhorn to blow in the face of people who decide to treat me like shit
You hurt my feelings so I hurt your eardrums
Honk Honk Motherfucker
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This man just trying to get some p*ssy
Me talking about the behavior of carpenter bees
I got ghosted by this guy from a dating app and was a little disappointed because I thought things were going well.
I have recently been informed that this man was not even subtly trying to f*ck and I was just too oblivious to notice.
This man is over here just trying to get some and I’m talking to him about bees and asking him bizarre philosophical questions.
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I got ghosted by this guy from a dating app and was a little disappointed because I thought things were going well.
I have recently been informed that this man was not even subtly trying to f*ck and I was just too oblivious to notice.
This man is over here just trying to get some and I’m talking to him about bees and asking him bizarre philosophical questions.
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Hey I’m having a really bad flare up and have to miss work again so if you’d like to help me support myself check out my Etsy shop.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/MagiCatMetaphysicals
I’ve got witchcraft stuff, readings, but I also sell perfume
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“I don’t think I’m that odd, I think I socialize like a normal person.”
——
*Image of me silently walking up behind my coworker to tell her a fact about hippos and consequently scaring her.*
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If you are not listening to what I say the first time I will not repeat it-
Not because I’m a dick it’s just that the second the words leave my mouth I have completely forgotten what I said.
Your guess is as good as mine on what we were talking about.
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I swear I want to be friends you just have to get past the ‘deer-in-headlights’ phase.
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Apparently me and my friend both wanted pot pie at the same time.
I made a pot pie and then got a doordash order and didn’t want to waste it so I sat in the CVS parking lot and ate my pot pie.
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Me: “I can’t be autistic, I don’t have sensory issues.”
Also Me-
- The person who told me to try freezing grapes is my enemy.
- *Physically gagging from trying to eat a freeze dried strawberry*
- “I can’t sleep, my shirt is on.”
- This yogurt had pieces of fruit in it so I will let it spoil in the back of my fridge and die of starvation before I eat it.
- If anyone touches me right now I will become a safety hazard
- *Throwing myself off of furniture*
- Something is crinkling SOMEWHERE in the next room and if I don’t find it and destroy it I will never sleep again.
- This person’s headlights were too bright for 0.5 seconds and now I will have a migraine for the next 4 hours.
- My hands are wet MY HANDS ARE WET MAKE IT STOP
- What do you mean these clothes are dry? They’re clearly still damp, how do you not feel it? They’re still damp!
- These two rocks rubbed against each other and made a noise and I think I may have broken a tooth from clenching my jaw so hard
- If I am forced to wear jeans for more than 0.3 seconds upon entering my home I’m going to start crying
- Frosted Glass = Evil
- Yes I am going to “waste money�� buying pre-peeled garlic because peeling garlic makes my hands sticky and I hate it.
- Stopping to wash my hands every 5 minutes while cooking because I can’t stand having things on my hands.
Feel free to add your own
#autism#autism problems#actually autistic#autism memes#autistic adult#autistic community#sensory overload#sensory problems
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When someone asks why I’m being emotionally volatile and unempathetic
I don’t mean to but I am so tired
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