Not afraid. Not a monster
Inspired by this picture by @bitemarx
Riz sighed as he sat down. He was just so... tired. He hadn’t felt this tired since he was a small child and his entire head ached with it.
Beside him, Baron sat, swinging their legs. Their knee hinges creeked with each movement. When Riz looked over, Baron was looking at him, their cracked face perfectly still, their mouth forever frozen in a small smile.
“Why are you still here?” Riz asked wearily.
“You created me, your Romance Partner, because you were afraid,” Baron said, as if he were describing the weather. “Are you still afraid, Riz Gukgak?”
Baron cocked his head a little as he asked the question, then froze, waiting for a response.
Riz turned away. “No,” he said. But he knew that wasn’t true. If it were true, Baron wouldn’t be here.
He didn’t even understand what he was afraid of. So he wasn’t in a relationship. At that point in time, only one of his friends were even in a relationship. And he wasn’t even sure if Fig counted because Ayda wasn’t exactly “at that point in time”. Nobody was getting their kisses in, and nobody else seemed to be so scared of hiding that fact.
Riz knew he wasn’t afraid of that. Because he’d told his friends that Baron wasn’t real. He told them that at the start of their Spring Break. Baron had been real to them for all of five seconds. His friends all knew he wasn’t in a relationship, and he wasn’t afraid of that, or even ashamed of that.
Who wanted to be in a relationship anyway? He didn’t have time for that. Who wanted the heart break? He’d seen how Kristen spiralled after the break up with Tracker, somehow becoming even more unstable. He’d seen how upset Gorgug was, even though he tried to hide it. Even Fig, still in a relationship, was upset that she couldn’t see Ayda.
Riz looked over at Baron again. Their head was now twisted upside down, and Riz realised he hadn’t stopped cocking his head after all. He didn’t jump, just looked at his Romance Partner and looked away again. It wasn’t scary, it was just Baron being Baron.
Baron wasn’t scary. Not really. So he could climb up walls and twist his head about. It wasn’t any more creepy than a giant spider, and Oisin and his friends had been stomping on them for years. Yeah, the doll face was a little unnerving but with everything Riz had been through for the past two years, it was nothing special. Baby probably creeped him out more.
“It is not my appearance that you are afraid of, Riz Gukgak,” Baron said, reading his thoughts.
“No, I’m not afraid of you,” Riz said, quietly.
“You are afraid of me, but not of my appearance,” Baron said. “Why do you think that is?”
He needed to go to bed. He had aviation club in four hours and he needed to sleep before then, or his mom was going to be so frustrated. Riz knew she was almost as overworked as he was, and he didn’t want to give her another thing to worry about.
Riz began to change into something more comfortable so he could sleep, but his thoughts continued to wander.
He didn’t have time for a relationship right now, but he would have one eventually. He didn’t know if it would be with a guy or a girl or something else. He was open to anything, he just hadn’t seen anybody he liked yet. But he’d find a partner, and they’d have a couple of kids, once he’d gotten a job and everything, of course. Whoever he married, it would be someone badass. Like he’d told his mom, they were a family of goblin badasses. And then he’d have a cool kid to pass on his spy knowledge to. Not right now, but someday. In the future.
“It is very rude to plan your future with someone else when your Romance Partner is sitting right here,” Baron said, swinging their legs again.
“I didn’t even say who my partner would be,” Riz said with a small smile. “You don’t think you’re a badass?”
“You do not like me,” Baron said. “Your Romance Partner deserves better treatment than to hear you say that.”
Riz didn’t respond. He climbed into bed and lay down, closing his eyes but sleep wouldn’t come.
“You are afraid, Riz Gukgak, that you will never find anybody you like,” Baron said from the end of the bed.
“Go to sleep, Baron.”
“What was that spell your principal cast on you at the Frostyfaire Folk Festival?” Baron asked.
“What?” Riz asked, sitting up.
“He cast dominate monster,” Baron said. “Do you not wonder why that spell was able to work on you, Riz Gukgak?”
Riz shrugged. “Because he’s a racist?”
“Perhaps,” Baron said. He brought his legs up so that he was kneeling on the bed, staring at Riz with those frozen, unblinking eyes. “Or perhaps because he knows. It is not that you are a goblin that makes you a monster. What is more monstrous than somebody who cannot feel love?”
Riz stared at Baron. Baron stared back. He hadn’t thought of that. He purposefully hadn’t thought of that.
He felt love. He loved his friends. He loved his parents. He loved Penny. He loved...
“That is not what I am talking about,” Baron said. “You know that. They will all find Romance Partners, and spend the rest of their lives with them. How often does your mother spend time with her high school friends? Who do these people go home to at night? Their Romance Partners. But you will not have one, because you are a monster, Riz Gukgak. And then who will you go home to?”
“I just haven’t found the right person yet,” Riz argued.
“You have not found any person yet.”
“I’m not a monster,” Riz said quietly. “And I’m not going to be alone.”
“Of course you will not be alone,” Baron said, shifting forward so he could crawl up the bed. “You will always have me.”
The alarm on Riz’ crystal woke him up. Baron was gone. He stared up at the ceiling for a few moments, gathering his thoughts. He wasn’t afraid and he wasn’t a monster. He just didn’t have time for this.
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